Page 1

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Statistically Speaking

C - Way Services

Issue 39 VOL. 5

Independently owned & operated

116 King Street W., Brockville, On

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present. ~ B. Olatunji All our life passes in this way: we seek rest by struggling against certain obstacles, and once they are overcome, rest proves intolerable because of the boredom it produces. ~ Blaise Pascal, Pensees Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. ~ David Frost Life is what you celebrate. All of it. Even its end. ~ Joanne Harris, Chocolat Imagination is more important than knowledge. ~ Albert Einstein A promise is a cloud; fulfillment is rain. ~ Arabian Proverb

Quick Joke

Townsman Ltd., Brokerage

Empowering Thoughts

Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s Edition

To Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist Jon: 613 342 0428 jon@mcguffysnews.com

Airport Shuttle

Tel: 613-345-4915

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Scared Driver A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, “Please, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me.” The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn’t realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, “I’m sorry, it’s really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab, I have been driving dead bodies to mortuary for the last 25 years.”

GRIER GABLES

Empower Network

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3. Tea can reduce puffy eyes. Lie on your back and place a moist, cool teabag over each eye, and leave on for around 20 minutes. Your eyes will feel fresher, brighter, look revitalised.

Slinkys were invented by an airplane mechanic; he was playing with engine parts and realized the possible secondary use of one of the springs.

Your Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer

Work From Home!

2. Black & Green teas contains catechins, a type of antioxidant, which has been found to reduce people's risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Great Summer Prices On New Fishing Boats & Pontoons

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. “Boss”, he said, “The pill actually worked!” “That’s all fine,” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”

1. Tea comes from the leaves of a tree called Camellia sinensis. The three main types of tea are Black, Oolong and Green. Herbal tea does not come from the leaves of a tea plant, therefore, is not considered to be real tea.

Discover all that Bonlen Place has to offer you!

www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca

Late For Work

Tea Facts Single vision eyewear lenses & frames $129.00 or 1 year supply $199.00 Acuve advance plus (free trial fitting included)

Brockville and 1000 Islands

Head Office: 306-446-2710

Overall, one-quarter of Canadians reported they had eaten something from a fast-food outlet in the last 24 hours. Among teenagers 14 to 18, the proportion was one-third. Men ages 19 to 30 were the most likely to get food on the go; 39 per cent of them had done so on the day they were interviewed.

Quick Fact

-5497

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We specialize in Beginners Riding Lessons: English & Western We have boarding facilities at affordable pricing! TACK SHOP - Opening Oct. 6, For The Horse Lover Quality Riding Apparel, Clothing, Equipment & Saddles SATURDAY/SUNDAY 10-2 MONDAY-FRIDAY By Appointment

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Little Bear Bookkeeping www.littlebearbookkeeping.ca

“Good Bookkeeping Makes Good Cent$”

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Gord Phillips, REBC, GBA, RHU

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Quiz

Email the Experts! thetireguy@riversideford.ca

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Floor Refinishing

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Television Neighbors How well do you know your neighbors? We’ll give you the neighbors, you tell us the show... Jerry and Millie Helper • Dick Van Dyke Show • My Three Sons Answer: • Leave it to Beaver • I Love Lucy

Silly Quote

ALWAYS

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’

Dick Van Dyke Show

PRICE

HAVE A QUESTION? OR WANT A QUOTE?

A Child’s View of Life

“I think I should get a dog so he can stick his head out of the window when I drive. It looks so silly when I do it.”

The Measure Of Life

Sept 28 Gypsy Moon

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away. The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen. The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no—it was covered with green buds and full of promise. The third son disagreed, he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment. The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but ONLY one season in the tree's life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are—and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life—can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up. MORAL: If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall. Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don't judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

Riddle

Ice Cream & Treats Gift Ideas for All Ages!

The School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly. Do you say your prayers before eating?” “No sir,” little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to. My Mom is a good cook.”

Sam’s September and October Line-Up:

Quick

Old Fashioned Homemade Fudge

Good Cook

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613-349-6302

BEST

Monday’s - Pool League 7pm Thurdays - Karaoke Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm

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O’Mally Kour t Fudgery Enjoy a treat today!

1535 Country RD 2 Mallorytown, ON.

Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays

Financial Security Advisor

Patricia Doucette Owner/Bookkeeper

613-246-6482

SAM’S BRASS RACKS

Financial Security Advisor

What is harder to catch the faster you run? Your breath!

Start Up Bank Reconciliation Gov’t Remittances

Your business, your needs, our help

Sept 29 Swing & Stroke Day Oct 19 Blues Highway (sign up at bar)

Oct 5 Real Deal

~ Howard Ikemoto

Punny Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam”.

Oct 26 Gypsy Moon

(Sam’s Halloween Party)

Prizes for costumes and alot of spooky fun

24 Perth St, Brockville, ON

(613)498 1919

Most Outrageous Name Changes A member of Ohio’s 5694th National Guard Unit in Mansfield legally changed his name from Scott Nall to the Transformers’ famous character, the leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime. Mr. Prime legally changed his name to his childhood hero on his 30th birthday and has since then been known to all as the Transformers’ character. In 2007, Seattle man Jason Michael Burrows changed his name to include a character from the famous cartoonturned-movie, Transformers as well. Mr. Burrows is now known as “Jason Megatron Burrows,” named after the popular machine hero that’s “more than meets the eye.”

True Colors When my daughter was about seven years old, she asked me one day what I did at work. I told her I worked at the college - that my job was to teach people how to draw. She stared at me, incredulous, and said, “You mean they forget?

Oct 12 The Journey Men

♪ •

Music Notes ♫

Timothy Leary and Tommy Smothers did some of the background clapping on John’s song, “Give Peace a Chance,” recorded in a hotel in Montreal.

• At the first Grammy Awards, held on the 4th of macdaddy May 1959, Domenico Modugno beat out Frank Sinatra and Peggy Lee for the Record of themacdaddy Year, with “Volare.” •

Elvis only ever did one advert — on radio for doughnuts in 1954.

The only guy without a beard in ZZTOP surname (last name) is Beard.


Tough Boss

Celebrity Quotes

When an employee asked his boss for a day off of work, his boss looked him squarely in the eyes and said “I’d love to give you the day off but, if I let you have the day off, I’ll have to give a day off to every employee whose wife has just given birth to triplets!”

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I’d like to say that grandparents are God’s gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate. ~ Bill Cosby

I Have Learned I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

CROSSWORD

Don’t assume a senior citizen is weak and frail; they may zap you with lightning bolts. • Never assume that carbonating someone is “all too easy” • Never tell strange creatures in a bar that you’ll be careful. • When you protest about the terms of an agreement, the terms might be altered further. • You never know what a day is gonna bring.... • After spending several months in deep-frost, your vision will be blurry • When in doubt, follow the garbage • Size matters not (now there’s one you can use in

Across 2. Stenographer 4. Put papers in order 6. Machine for writing 7. Computer letter writing 11. Written corre-

Time Waits For No One

Call Jon (613) 342 0428 This double size ad is available for your business!

Down

1. Word book 3. Scheduled event 5. Unity 8. Measuring stick 9. Date book 10. Desk covering 13. Place of business

Global Convenience 7-11 was the first outlet of their kind to operate around the clock, sell fresh coffee in disposable cups, provide self-serve soda bars, offer all major brands of soft drinks, and serve extra large drinks. To promote all this, they also became the first convenience store to advertise, producing an ad for television in 1949 that featured an animated rooster and crow, symbolic of when they were open. Their 5800 stores in the U.S. and Canada, and a total of 25,000 worldwide, make them the largest retail convenience stores in the world.

Good Advice Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly and pray continually. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass... It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Quick Quote

To realize the value of one year: . . . Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

spondence 12. Communication device 14. Data processor 15. Furniture for sitting

The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.

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Open 7 Days a Week!

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There is $21.00 in 1 dollar bills that has to be split evenly among the 2 fathers and 2 sons. How is this possible?

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Front Brakes Struts WOW! $79.99 $79.99 (pads & rotors) (installed)

Answer:

There is actually only really three people…a grandfather, the father, and the father’s son who each get $7.

Secretary

VISIT OUR NEW WEBSITE WWW.MCGUFFYSNEWSBROCKVILLE.CA !

Things I have learned from Star Wars:

Great Summer Reading Titles!

Cranium Crackers

~ Age 65

Star Wars Funnies

Courtney Sadler Owner 73 King St W Brockville, ON

Exhaust ~ Transmission Service We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!

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Marveling At The Moon • •

Astronaut Neil Armstrong first stepped on the moon with his left foot. Approximately 115 tons of ocean salt spray enters the earth’s atmosphere each second. • The first woman in space was a Russian called Valentina Tereshkova. • Buzz Aldrin was the first man to pee on the moon. He used his relief tube live on TV with 1/5 of the world watching • Armstrong’s quote “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” was said 6 1/2 hours after landing. Armstrong claimed he said “a man” which was inaudible due to static.

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Bizarre Laws Rhode Island You may not bite off another person’s leg. South Carolina If a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, he is required by law to keep his promise. South Dakota It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. Tennessee Selling hollow logs is strictly forbidden. Sudoku Solution

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Crossword Solution

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CUTS, COLOURS, PERMS & WAXING


Residential Service

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Phone 613-498-3933

TTY 1-877-817-8209

Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7

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Or submit your event to us to post on-line for FREE!

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Brad Sharron, DD 65 George St. Brockville, ON

“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”

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Cheque Came Back

Just One Just One Can... One vote can change a nation. One sunbeam can light a room. One candle can wipe out darkness. One laugh can conquer gloom.

Doctor: Hello. I’m calling about the cheque you wrote. It came back. Old Patient: So did my arthritis.

A Fresh Perspective "THE TEACHER" There is a story many years ago of an elementary teacher. Her name was Mrs. Thompson. And as she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. But that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard. Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he didn't play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson actually began to take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers. At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise. Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around." His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle." His third grade teacher wrote, "Teddy's mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken." Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and sometimes sleeps in class." By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present which was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to

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say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the children left she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, and writing, and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Your Business Should STAND OUT! and it will in your LOCAL McGuffy`s! Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her Call to place YOUR ad TODAY! 613.342.0428 "teacher's pets." A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that DisSenio Freeates cou r’s she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Six years went by nts Estim before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured New & Old - Drywall/Wood Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best- the favorite teacher he had in Mike Dowdall, Owner thepainterman3@hotmail.com his whole life. Another four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to Pick up McGuffy’s News go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorBrockville every week! ite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer- the letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, M.D. Advertise here and reach The story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet another letter that over 7500 readers weekly spring. Teddy said he'd met this girl and was going to be married. He exCall Jon plained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering 613-342-0428 if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the place at the wedding that was jon@mcguffysnews.com usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. And she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together. They Back to School Specials! hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, Quality Refurbished Computers "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for Starting @ $99.00!! making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference." "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."


Residential Service

- Local Lines - $24.95 - Business Systems - Network Installation - $17.95 - 2 Lines - all features

voice2net.ca

Local Service Brockville (613) 704-1248 Kingston (613) 777-0355

ROSEMARY’S OPTICAL SHOP • Quality Eyewear • Contact Lenses • Eye Exams Arranged • 24 Years of Experience

Rosemary Coleman Owner

Itrix

51 King St. West, Brockville, ON

613 - 498 - 2200 Fax 613 - 498 - 2205

The Canadian Hearing Society • improve communication • improve safety in your home • assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries

Phone 613-498-3933

TTY 1-877-817-8209

Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7

Check out what is happening daily for local community events @ www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca

Or submit your event to us to post on-line for FREE!

Aqua Plus Pools

“Your Bridge Over Troubled Water” Contact the Pool Experts today to Maintain your Pool or Spa on a Weekly/Bi-Weekly Maintenance Schedule. Adam Fish Owner

Affordable Pricing! Call us for details!

613-340-9556

613-213-1888

FIRE UP YOUR SAVINGS UP TO $500 in Rebates on selected models expires September 30/12 (see in stores for details)

6 Beverly Street Spencerville, ON. 613-658-3101

Fireplaces ~ Inserts ~ Wood Stoves 1-888-370-9859 www.thestovestore.net thestovestore@ripnet.com

Brad Sharron, DD 65 George St. Brockville, ON

“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”

Christie Aluminum Products

Denture Specialist • Complete - partial dentures • Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners • Implant dentures No Referrals Necessary!

www.brockvilledentureclinic.com

Custom windows that are a perfect fit! An air tight investment! High quality, energy efficient vinyl windows and doors!

Excellent Service for over 14 Years! Dentures made on site = Time+Cost Effective Maximum benefits from the most advanced denture technology

900 Industrial Rd, Prescott Ontario 613-925-5374 (cell) 613-802-2874

Cheque Came Back

Just One Just One Can... One vote can change a nation. One sunbeam can light a room. One candle can wipe out darkness. One laugh can conquer gloom.

Doctor: Hello. I’m calling about the cheque you wrote. It came back. Old Patient: So did my arthritis.

A Fresh Perspective "THE TEACHER" There is a story many years ago of an elementary teacher. Her name was Mrs. Thompson. And as she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. But that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard. Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he didn't play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson actually began to take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers. At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise. Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around." His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle." His third grade teacher wrote, "Teddy's mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken." Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and sometimes sleeps in class." By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present which was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to

Four Season Family Fitness Your In-Home Fitness Specialist!

Pre & Post natal fitness Youth with special weight needs Nutrition education FITNESS for families FITNESS bootcamps Group & Individual training

personal training is our specialty

all calls in Canada and USA are free

Business Service

613-345-2110

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say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the children left she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, and writing, and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Your Business Should STAND OUT! and it will in your LOCAL McGuffy`s! Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her Call to place YOUR ad TODAY! 613.342.0428 "teacher's pets." A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that DisSenio Freeates cou r’s she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Six years went by nts Estim before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured New & Old - Drywall/Wood Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best- the favorite teacher he had in Mike Dowdall, Owner thepainterman3@hotmail.com his whole life. Another four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to Pick up McGuffy’s News go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorBrockville every week! ite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer- the letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, M.D. Advertise here and reach The story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet another letter that over 7500 readers weekly spring. Teddy said he'd met this girl and was going to be married. He exCall Jon plained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering 613-342-0428 if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the place at the wedding that was jon@mcguffysnews.com usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. And she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together. They Back to School Specials! hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, Quality Refurbished Computers "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for Starting @ $99.00!! making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference." "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."


Tough Boss

Celebrity Quotes

When an employee asked his boss for a day off of work, his boss looked him squarely in the eyes and said “I’d love to give you the day off but, if I let you have the day off, I’ll have to give a day off to every employee whose wife has just given birth to triplets!”

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I’d like to say that grandparents are God’s gifts to children. And if they can but see, hear and feel what these people have to give, they can mature at a fast rate. ~ Bill Cosby

I Have Learned I’ve learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

CROSSWORD

Don’t assume a senior citizen is weak and frail; they may zap you with lightning bolts. • Never assume that carbonating someone is “all too easy” • Never tell strange creatures in a bar that you’ll be careful. • When you protest about the terms of an agreement, the terms might be altered further. • You never know what a day is gonna bring.... • After spending several months in deep-frost, your vision will be blurry • When in doubt, follow the garbage • Size matters not (now there’s one you can use in

Across 2. Stenographer 4. Put papers in order 6. Machine for writing 7. Computer letter writing 11. Written corre-

Time Waits For No One

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Down

1. Word book 3. Scheduled event 5. Unity 8. Measuring stick 9. Date book 10. Desk covering 13. Place of business

Global Convenience 7-11 was the first outlet of their kind to operate around the clock, sell fresh coffee in disposable cups, provide self-serve soda bars, offer all major brands of soft drinks, and serve extra large drinks. To promote all this, they also became the first convenience store to advertise, producing an ad for television in 1949 that featured an animated rooster and crow, symbolic of when they were open. Their 5800 stores in the U.S. and Canada, and a total of 25,000 worldwide, make them the largest retail convenience stores in the world.

Good Advice Live simply, Love generously, Care deeply, Speak kindly and pray continually. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass... It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Quick Quote

To realize the value of one year: . . . Ask a student who has failed a final exam.

spondence 12. Communication device 14. Data processor 15. Furniture for sitting

The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.

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Secretary

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Things I have learned from Star Wars:

Great Summer Reading Titles!

Cranium Crackers

~ Age 65

Star Wars Funnies

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Marveling At The Moon • •

Astronaut Neil Armstrong first stepped on the moon with his left foot. Approximately 115 tons of ocean salt spray enters the earth’s atmosphere each second. • The first woman in space was a Russian called Valentina Tereshkova. • Buzz Aldrin was the first man to pee on the moon. He used his relief tube live on TV with 1/5 of the world watching • Armstrong’s quote “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” was said 6 1/2 hours after landing. Armstrong claimed he said “a man” which was inaudible due to static.

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Bizarre Laws Rhode Island You may not bite off another person’s leg. South Carolina If a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, he is required by law to keep his promise. South Dakota It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. Tennessee Selling hollow logs is strictly forbidden. Sudoku Solution

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Crossword Solution

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Quiz

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Television Neighbors How well do you know your neighbors? We’ll give you the neighbors, you tell us the show... Jerry and Millie Helper • Dick Van Dyke Show • My Three Sons Answer: • Leave it to Beaver • I Love Lucy

Silly Quote

ALWAYS

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’

Dick Van Dyke Show

PRICE

HAVE A QUESTION? OR WANT A QUOTE?

A Child’s View of Life

“I think I should get a dog so he can stick his head out of the window when I drive. It looks so silly when I do it.”

The Measure Of Life

Sept 28 Gypsy Moon

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away. The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall. When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen. The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no—it was covered with green buds and full of promise. The third son disagreed, he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen. The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment. The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but ONLY one season in the tree's life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are—and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life—can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up. MORAL: If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall. Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest. Don't judge life by one difficult season. Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time or later.

Riddle

Ice Cream & Treats Gift Ideas for All Ages!

The School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly. Do you say your prayers before eating?” “No sir,” little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to. My Mom is a good cook.”

Sam’s September and October Line-Up:

Quick

Old Fashioned Homemade Fudge

Good Cook

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Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays

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SAM’S BRASS RACKS

Financial Security Advisor

What is harder to catch the faster you run? Your breath!

Start Up Bank Reconciliation Gov’t Remittances

Your business, your needs, our help

Sept 29 Swing & Stroke Day Oct 19 Blues Highway (sign up at bar)

Oct 5 Real Deal

~ Howard Ikemoto

Punny Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam”.

Oct 26 Gypsy Moon

(Sam’s Halloween Party)

Prizes for costumes and alot of spooky fun

24 Perth St, Brockville, ON

(613)498 1919

Most Outrageous Name Changes A member of Ohio’s 5694th National Guard Unit in Mansfield legally changed his name from Scott Nall to the Transformers’ famous character, the leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime. Mr. Prime legally changed his name to his childhood hero on his 30th birthday and has since then been known to all as the Transformers’ character. In 2007, Seattle man Jason Michael Burrows changed his name to include a character from the famous cartoonturned-movie, Transformers as well. Mr. Burrows is now known as “Jason Megatron Burrows,” named after the popular machine hero that’s “more than meets the eye.”

True Colors When my daughter was about seven years old, she asked me one day what I did at work. I told her I worked at the college - that my job was to teach people how to draw. She stared at me, incredulous, and said, “You mean they forget?

Oct 12 The Journey Men

♪ •

Music Notes ♫

Timothy Leary and Tommy Smothers did some of the background clapping on John’s song, “Give Peace a Chance,” recorded in a hotel in Montreal.

• At the first Grammy Awards, held on the 4th of macdaddy May 1959, Domenico Modugno beat out Frank Sinatra and Peggy Lee for the Record of themacdaddy Year, with “Volare.” •

Elvis only ever did one advert — on radio for doughnuts in 1954.

The only guy without a beard in ZZTOP surname (last name) is Beard.


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Statistically Speaking

C - Way Services

Issue 39 VOL. 5

Independently owned & operated

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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present. ~ B. Olatunji All our life passes in this way: we seek rest by struggling against certain obstacles, and once they are overcome, rest proves intolerable because of the boredom it produces. ~ Blaise Pascal, Pensees Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. ~ David Frost Life is what you celebrate. All of it. Even its end. ~ Joanne Harris, Chocolat Imagination is more important than knowledge. ~ Albert Einstein A promise is a cloud; fulfillment is rain. ~ Arabian Proverb

Quick Joke

Townsman Ltd., Brokerage

Empowering Thoughts

Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s Edition

To Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist Jon: 613 342 0428 jon@mcguffysnews.com

Airport Shuttle

Tel: 613-345-4915

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5 ads you should check out in this issue! Grier Gables Lessons-Boarding-Tack Shop

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Scared Driver A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, “Please, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me.” The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn’t realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, “I’m sorry, it’s really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab, I have been driving dead bodies to mortuary for the last 25 years.”

GRIER GABLES

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3. Tea can reduce puffy eyes. Lie on your back and place a moist, cool teabag over each eye, and leave on for around 20 minutes. Your eyes will feel fresher, brighter, look revitalised.

Slinkys were invented by an airplane mechanic; he was playing with engine parts and realized the possible secondary use of one of the springs.

Your Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer

Work From Home!

2. Black & Green teas contains catechins, a type of antioxidant, which has been found to reduce people's risk of heart disease, stroke and diabetes.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Great Summer Prices On New Fishing Boats & Pontoons

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. “Boss”, he said, “The pill actually worked!” “That’s all fine,” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”

1. Tea comes from the leaves of a tree called Camellia sinensis. The three main types of tea are Black, Oolong and Green. Herbal tea does not come from the leaves of a tea plant, therefore, is not considered to be real tea.

Discover all that Bonlen Place has to offer you!

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Late For Work

Tea Facts Single vision eyewear lenses & frames $129.00 or 1 year supply $199.00 Acuve advance plus (free trial fitting included)

Brockville and 1000 Islands

Head Office: 306-446-2710

Overall, one-quarter of Canadians reported they had eaten something from a fast-food outlet in the last 24 hours. Among teenagers 14 to 18, the proportion was one-third. Men ages 19 to 30 were the most likely to get food on the go; 39 per cent of them had done so on the day they were interviewed.

Quick Fact

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Mcguffy's News Brockville  

Mcguffy's News Brockville

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