The McGill Tribune Vol. 26 Issue 1

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THE BEST OF MONTREAL HOTSPOTS, 16

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL, 22

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V o lu m e 2 6 Issue 1 • S e p te m b e r 6 ,2 0 0 6

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S c h o o ls q u i t r a n k in g s Is s u e w ill p r in t d e s p it e p r o te s t M att C ampbell

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a Frosh staple, the return of the residence barbeque on Forbes Field, and a Sam Roberts concert on the final day.

"I think that the popularity of the rafting shows a lot about McGill character,"said Kipz.

"It shows that McGill students want to get off the campus and see what there is outside the campus and outside the city."

The barbeque on Forbes Field was once a standard McGill Frosh activity, but hasn't been held in nine years. In the past it has appeared on the David Letterman show, and by bringing it back, the Frosh staff hoped to bring back some of that excitement.

"I'm looking forward to that the most," said Kipz. "It's going to be a beautiful thing

Some of Canada's largest research universities delivered a pointed message to the editors of Maclean's magazine last month when they announced in an open letter that they would no longer assist the publication in preparing its annual university rankings issue.

The issue, popular with prospective students and their parents since its debut 15 years ago, has been controversial among top university officials. Principals and presidents have often complained about the magazine's methodology and have had problems with its conclusions.

In their letter, the leaders of the 11 universities, including the Université de Montréal, University of British Columbia and top-ranked University of Toronto, cite the magazine's reliance on surveys with low response rates, as well as its practice of.lumping together diverse rankings to get a single rank, as reasons for their decision.

"Consider how such an approach might pervert one's understanding of a general hospital that is ranked number one in obstetrics and number ten in cancer care,"the letter reads."Averaging these rankings would result in this hospital being ranked number five overall."

The letter goes on to point out that for a patient looking for care in just one of the areas, the ranking would be "useless at best, and misleading at worst."

Last week, Concordia University joined Montreal neighbour U de M in withdrawing its cooperation with the ranking. ' In an open letter published Aug 29 on Concordia's Web site, the school acknowledged its participation in the rankings had benefited Maclean's, but said "we maintain that the benefits to Concordia have been far less clear."

Concordia Director of Institutional Planning Brad Tucker said that the university's withdrawal would not make the eventual ranking less reflective of the university.

"They've never been reflective in the first place," he said.

Fie also questioned the use of the Maclean's issue

See Sam e on page 4

See U niversities on page 2

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It w as a different kind o f back-to-school sho p p ing yesterd ay at OAP. See Featu res for m ore Frosh coverage.

F ro s h g e ts a fre s h n e w fa c e M o r e s c h o o l s p ir it a n d K ate S pirgen Many things probably come to mind when one hears the word 'Frosh.'

Debauchery, drunken antics on lower field, or perhaps an opportunity to take advantage of unsuspecting freshmen. This year's SSMU Frosh attempted to change some of the images surrounding Frosh Week and change the focus of the event.

"We wanted to get back to having Frosh be about the school," said SSMU Frosh coordinator and six year frosh veteran Alex Kipz. "This year we just gave it our best shot and tried to put together the classics - it's all about the school."

Kipz acknowledged that Frosh planners

le s s c o n t r o v e r s y

had a new set of problems this year due to last year's controversy.

"Our biggest obstacle [this year] was showing the bureaucracy and press that there are a million good aspects," he said.

From the athletic inspired red and white T-shirts to McGill inspired events, this year's frosh was about promoting school spirit and integrity.

"We have to prove that we are responsible people. Yes we party hard, but we plan our events well and that's that,"said SSMU Vice President Communications and Events Gill Prendergast.

This year's Frosh sported a diverse set of activities. The three biggest events were the whitewater rafting expedition, which is

M cG ill R ed & W hite G am es

2 0 0 6 - 2 0 0 7

P u rch a se yo u r M c G ill R e d & W h ite T -S h irt for ju st $15 and get F R E E E N T R Y into all R e d & W h ite G a m e s P L U S $2 on A L L C O N C E S S I O N S Septem ber’s R e d & W hite G am es S o cce r vs. S h e rb ro o k e F rid a y Sep. 1 5 th a t 6 & 8 P M F o o tb a ll vs. M o u n t A llis o n , S aturday, S e p te m b e r 2 3 rd a t 1 P M

Red & White T-Shirts Available atAUSSNAX or the Sports Complex (room 339)

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M u s lim S t u d e n t s A s s o c ia t io n s till s e a r c h in g M S A P r e s id e n t A y a z H y d e r : [S t u d e n t s ] a ls o h a v e s p ir it u a l n e e d s K ayvon A fshari Students walking through campus will once again pass Muslim students praying in stairwells and on fields, as the ongoing dispute between McGill and the Muslim Student Association over providing a prayer space drags into its second year, The dispute began in May 2005 when the university declined to renew MSA's lease on a prayer space in the basement of Peterson Hall.

Muslim students were left with no dedicated prayer space on campus, though the university maintained that any student was welcome to use empty classrooms on campus for quiet reflection or prayer. MSA executives found this solution unacceptable, and last year protested numerous times in front of the James Administration building, even holding a sit-in in the principal's office. However, a solution has yet to be found.

Over the summer months, a multi-faith prayer area was provided by the Students' Society in room B-29 of the Shatner building.

According to MSA President Ayaz Hyder, SSMU has been more helpful than the McGill administration.

“The impression we have gotten from [SSMU] is that they are very supportive and

they are trying to work with us and meet with us to resolve this issue as soon as possible. The SSMU has been very helpful,” Hyder said.

Unfortunately, according to SSMU VicePresident Clubs and Services Floh Herra-Vega, SSMU will be unable to provide a more long­ term solution by reserving B-29 as a prayer space during the year.

"Over the summer, Shatner is fairly empty," she said. "We saw an option to give them a place to pray, but during the school year Shatner is booked to the max. It's just crazy-busy, which is why we can't provide space otherwise."

Herra-Vega said she would like to see a permanent solution but added that it was not SSMU's duty to provide a prayer space.

"We firmly believe that the university should be providing prayer space for students that is adequate for all sorts of religions, which currently isn't available,"she said. "I think that it's a university responsibility because it's not just students but also faculty that would use it."

In April, the MSA filed a complaint with the Quebec Human Rights Commission, hoping for a ruling that would affirm McGill's responsibility to provide prayer space. In March, the HRC ruled on a similar case between Muslim students at Montreal's École de technologie

supérieure and that university's administration.

That decision held that ETS had a responsibility to accommodate the religious practices of its students.

"The root of the problem is that the university has not created enough rooms for student's needs," Hyder said. "Concordia was just given a prayer space that was furnished with carpets and ablution facilities and creative ways to incorporate men and women to be able to pray on a daily basis," Hyder said.

He said the university has to cater to more than academic needs. "McGill does not spend enough or give the SSMU enough to allocate to us. The needs for students are not only academic, they also have their spiritual needs."

While there has been no interaction between the MSA and the administration over the summer, the administration has argued that because of McGill's role as a secular institution, it should not be required to provide space dedicated to accommodate students' religious needs.

"I agree that students have many needs besides academic needs; it's also a fact of life that the university cannot undertake to fulfill all of our students needs," said Deputy Provost Morton Mendelson, "but we certainly can

support students in areas of student life, and that is something that we tried to do in terms of helping the Muslim students find suitable space off campus for their prayer."

Mendelson mentioned the Newman House, Hillel House and the Ismaili Students House as off-campus models that the MSA should aim for.

Hyder believes that this is not a feasible solution.

"Off-campus costs are extremely high," Hyder said," and to askstudents to go off campus and try to find a space is quite unethical."

According to Hyder, the cost to buy, renovate and run a facility on Peel Street or University Street would be about $2.8-million.

Ayesha Yousuf, a Muslim student at McGill, has found the lack of a prayer space to be a frustrating reality. "[Prayer] is such an important part of my daily schedule, and I feel like an outsider since McGill is so unaccommodating,"Yousuf said.

Nonetheless, Yousuf stressed her moderation.

"I understand McGill's take on the issue, but it's just that when I look at all of these other universities across Canada, none of them have this problem."»

N A T IO N A L

U n iv e r s it ie s c it e p r o b l e m s w i t h m e t h o d s M c G i l l t o p a r t i c i p a t e in M a c l e a n s i s s u e b u t C o n c o r d i a p u l l s o u t continued from cover

as a recruiting device.

"Do we attract students? Our studies have shown our Web site to be far more a factor in recruitment than Maclean's magazine."

However, Tony Keller, the Maclean's editor in charge of the ranking, disputes the universities' reasons for withdrawing.

"They're questioning the very idea of a ranking," Keller said.

"Universities engage in rankings all the time, always comparing themselves to other schools. They just don't want journalists doing the ranking. They want to be the players and the referees."

Keller has had lengthy conversations about the issue with most university presidents. He indicated that it is difficult to arrive at a consensus with so many schools making different and even contrary demands.

"It's sort of like the federal government dealing with the premiers, except in this case we have 47 different universities with 47 different points of view.”

The schools boycotting Maclean's also said the magazine was unresponsive to their suggestions and demands. Tucker indicated that Concordia has been involved in a cordial dialogue with the magazine about improving the methodology, but hasn't seen any efforts on behalf of Maclean's to make any serious adjustments.

Keller disagreed with Tucker's characterization.

"It's like they're saying,'We want

to negotiate with you about how you cover us,"'he said. "We're journalists!"

Keller said that Maclean's has made numerous changes over the years, incorporating many suggestions from post-secondary institutions. For example, they've introduced three new features at the request of various schools for the upcoming issue. "[In the past] we never provided a score. The US News has always given you a score. We will now, and i believe it will be helpful for readers.

Themagazineisalsointroducing a graduate studies issue as well as an interactive section on its Web site where students can create personalized university rankings by taking into account factors that are most important to them.

McGill Deputy Provost Morton Mendelson indicated that the school will be participating in the rankings.

"We know there are problems with the methodology. We've been expressing them. However, there are problems with every kind of ranking."

Mendelson pointed out that universities across the country take these rankings quite seriousfy. In fact, many schools go out of their way to improve on weak areas in efforts to boost their ranking.

"It's important to be publicly accountable to our various constitutents," he said.

However, Mendelson admitted that the Maclean's rankings are easy to take in stride because the university does well. Last year U of T and McGill tied for first place in the medical/doctoral category. ■

McGill University and U o f T both rank num ber o n e in th e country

06.09.06 - The McGill Tribune • 3

N E W S B R IE F S : CAM PUS

Stair stepping for a cancer cure

M c G ill t o S T O P la p t o p t h e f t A n ew

w a y to p ro te ct y o u r c o m p u te r

M att C ampbell As more students choose to bring laptops to campus , the opportunities for thieves to take them has increased. Last year over 120 laptops were reported stolen by students and unfortunately for laptop owners, the numbers are increasing.

This is one reason why Security Services launched a new laptop tracking program for students in partnership with Connecticut-based Security Tracking of Office Property (STOP).

The program works by attaching a security plate with a tracking number to the top of the laptop. The security plate and accompanying warning label act as a deterrent to theft. The adhesive requires more than 800 pounds offeree to remove, and if it is pried off leaves "Stolen Property" etched into the laptop casing, along with STOP'S phone number. The company claims that this makes the computer impossible to resell.

Having bought the equipment less than two weeks ago, Assistant Manager for Security Services Pierre Barbarie has already received a significant amount of positive feedback from students. As an incentive to get students to sign up for the service, Security Services will tag the first 500 laptops registered in the program for free. After that, students who wish to have their notebook tagged will be charged a one-time fee of $20.

"We were due to get a process like this," said Barbarie. "Pawn shops aren't going to buy laptops with these stickers."

U0 Arts student Megan Stewart first learned about the new program during the Discover McGill street fair outside the Shatner building.

“It would work really well," she said as her new graduation present was being tagged."It does look.a bit ugly, but that's okay. I made sure to put the red sticker on the bottom."

The program itself costs between $6,000 and $7,000.

However, Security Services stressed that the program was well worth the

cost, which is roughly the equivalent of four or five laptops.

Communications graduate student and laptop owner Dwayne Avery wasn't fully aware of the new program, but thought it was a good idea.

"I've seen so many [personal] posters saying the thief could keep the laptop, but victims just wanted a copy of their documents."

The sticker didn't turn off Avery,

who has friends who've lost their notebooks in previous years. "It's not like computers are that aesthetically pleasing anyway."

In addition to the new program, Security Services has also compiled a list of safety tips for notebook storage. Mostly common sense, the tips include locking your dormitory door, storing your laptop in a secure place and never leaving it in a parked car. ■

Step It Up for the Cure, a 24-hour stair climbing marathon, will have individuals and teams running up and down Molson Stadium on Sept 9 at 12 p.m. in order to raise funds and awareness for cancer research.

One Canadian dies of cancer every four minutes, so the challenge to each participant is to raise $240 by running one set of stairs every four minutes.

Event organizer Dan Fischer came up with the event with a friend whose father died of cancer. "We all used to run stadiums together a lot and after he died we decided to use it as a way to raise awareness and research money," Fisher said.

Enrolled individuals range in age from five to 85 and people from all over Canada are coming to climb. Most volunteers and participants are nvolved with McGill but there are many high school and CEGEP students participating as well.

The goal for this event in 2006 was to raise $60,000 for the Cancer Research Society in three cities, but it had to be altered due stadium shortages. “We were going to take it to Ottawa and Vancouver as well, but the stadiums fell through so I don't know if well be able to make goal just in Montreal," Fischer said," but we're hoping to branch out more next year."

— K ateSpirgen A n yo n e interested in helping to raise funds a n d aw areness fo r ca n cer m ay register online a th ttp V /w w w .stepupforth ecure.com /step up .h tm .

Elevator Grinds to a Halt Sixteen freshman had their partying interrupted Tuesday night when the elevator they had piled into to take them to the top of Gardner Hall ground to a halt between the fifth and sixth floors. According to Leigh Bryant, a floor fellow at Gardner, the students then had to wait in the cramped quarters of the elevator car for 45 minutes while a technician was summoned to lower it to the basement, where they were let out. None of the students were seriously hurt during the ordeal, though one fainted and broke her nose, requiring the attention of paramedics.

Rumours flew through the residences about the incident, which involved 13 residents of neighbouring McConnell Hall, one Douglas resident and two from Gardner. The Tribune initially received reports that an overloaded elevator had fallen in its shaft, but according to Bryant the initial reports were exaggerations.

Gardner's elevator was out of service over the weekend, and large signs were posted reminding residents of the system's weight limit.

"We were really glad it [was] not a big deal," Bryant said.

-Ja m e s G otow iec

u p ■ t

MATT CAMPBELL U0 Arts student Megan Stewart displays her freshly stickered laptop.

THE BEATTY MEMORIAL LECTURES COMMITTEE OF McGILL U N I VE R SI T Y PRESENTS

D e e p a k C h o p ra RENOWNED PH YS ICI AN AND AUTHOR T h u rsd a y S e p t e m b e r 14, 2 0 0 6 9 :0 0 a m P a la is d e s C o n g r è s d e M o n tr é a l 2 0 1 V ig o r A v e n u e W e st, R o o m 517D

sp e e d

This year's opium harvest in Afghanistan reached the highest levels ever, almost 50 per cent more than last year. Executive director of the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, Antonio Maria Costa, puts much of the blame on the resurgence of Taliban rebels in the country's most productive opium region. ■- A US interceptor test missile successfully shot down a dummy warhead on Friday over the Pacific Ocean. The Pentagon claims that this is close to if not the end of the testing a long range missile defence system and is pleased with results, despite claims from defence experts that the target missile did not deploy decoys or other devices that could be carried by actual long-range ballistic missiles. These may be added in later tests in December. ■ Steve Irwin, the energetic Australian crocodile hunter, passed away Monday at the age of 44. Irwin was swimming off the northeastern Australian coastline, 60 miles north of Cairns, when a sting­ ray punctured his heart. His energetic presence will be missed in both the entertainment and environmental world. ■ A young Carleton student came to the university looking for a husband and ended up funnelling cash to a terror cell. Chemistry student Zenab Armend Pisheh says she was used by young, aspiring jihadists in Britain and Canada. Among the funelled items were CDs, jihad training videos and thousands of dollars in Cash. Pisheh is currently helping authorities in the case.

Sources: PC World, CNN, Globe a n d Mail, BBC a n d the N ew York lim es

Smoke-free environment

PLA£E Welcome to new and returning students!

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Th e publie is welcom e.

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Hours:

Due to limited seating, public is requested to arrive at 8:30 am fo r the 9:00 am lecture.

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4 • News • 06.09.06

The McGill Tribune

CAM PUS BUZZ CAM PUS

S a m e g re a t fro s h So m e n ew

W h a t is y o u r f a v o u r it e p a r t a b o u t m o v in g t o

in t e r e s t in g e v e n t s

M o n t r e a l?

continued from cover to see."

The Sam Roberts concert was possibly the most anticipated of the two days.The band is ending its tour at McGill and Ticketmaster was involved to sell tickets.

"That concert is pretty much the only reason I decided to do Frosh," said Amanda Schneider, U0 Psychology.

To keep participants from being overwhelmed, they were allowed to pick and chose the events they would attend.

"If you make too rich a schedule they feel forced to do stuff"said Kipz.

"Here they have an option - it's up to you and that's what the school is about."

Frosh registration was $65 and included all the events, food and of course the infamous beer tent.

Boréale was re-signed for the beer contract this year after a successful partnership last year. The company provided the beer tent, and set it up like a proper running bar.

"In the past we've had problems with beer being half foam or too warm, but Boréale has been really amazing,"said one O-Staff member.

One hundred kegs were bought for the planned 2,000 participants plus staff. Whatever was not consumed at Frosh will be sold at other SSMU events like 4 Floors.

After the hazing controversy last year there was intense scrutiny on Frosh events, which meant the organizers had to do some things differently. .

"McGill wanted a lot more forms and information this year

CHL0Ë BERGMARK

Group seven got away scot free. because of what happened last year," said Prendergast. For the first time in Frosh history, all O-Staff members were actually staff, having signed

legally binding contracts. Staff also had to sign a morality contract in an attempt to prevent them from engaging in any inappropriate

behaviour.

Besides the boozingl and good times, Frosh has always aimed to raise a sense of the SSMU community and make the incoming students feel welcome.

"We want to promote school spirit," said Prendergast. "I feel like we're really lacking there. That's why we're doing things like the rugby game and the barbeque on Forbes Field. We want to focus on supporting our own."

Even Discover McGill got a makeover with the introduction of the Street Fest on McTavish where students could check out some of the services offered by SSMU and McGill.

Although this year was meantto be more responsible and orientation focused, there were signs last week that it may be unavoidable. TV cameras were on lower field early in the week and there was debate over putting condoms in the Frosh kits distributed to all participating students.

"We've been putting condoms in Frosh bags for over ten years,"said Kipz, "I don't understand why there's all this controversy now."

There might be some new plans for Frosh on the horizon.

"I want to sit down with the organizers from all [Faculty Froshes] and try to get it all together," said Prendergast. "I think it would be great if we could all organize and plan things. I don't want to take away from the faculty froshes, but I'm thinking about combining Discover McGill and Frosh and getting a whole orientation week committee so everyone is on the same page." ■

"I live in the rural states so being in the city is really nice.

There's a lot of stuff to do."

—Andrew Dean, U1, Management "Our MORE house. We have the most radical group of girls in our house and it's just amazing.

Also, Montreal is a really diverse, interesting city and I really enjoy that."

—Aurora Feeney-Koeinfelet Arts and Science, U1 and Joy Bing, Arts and Science, U0 "OAP. It means that summer is over, all my friends are back and that I can drink in the sun."

—Dan Linger, U4 "Clubs like The Drug Store, LaBoom, and going to rez and seeing where we're living at rez.

I love living in the city."

—Alexis, Meg, Gillian and Casey, UO "The weather and the food because it was winter where I was back in Lima. At least I'll get two weeks of summer. And I love the people."

—Fernando Rivera, Management, U3 "I love the food, especially the Indian. Le Taj is very good."

—Bridget Sanderson, Arts, U2 — Com piled by Kayvon Afshari a n d Kate Spirgen

Want to be a Newsie?

Meetings: Tue. 5:30 p.m. Shatner Building Room 110

You know you want to wear the hat. n e w s@ m c g illtrib u n e .c o m

Apparently Froshies weren't the only ones having fun during the first week of classes.

LUKAS BERGMARK

06.09.06 • News • 5

w w w.m cgilltribune.com

CAM PUS

J u s t in c a s e y o u h a d S S M U w i t h d r a w a l ...

N e w e x e c s h a v e fre sh

id e a s , b ig p la n s a n d

The Students' Society of McGill University is back and ready for a new year after a summer of hard work. But who are the personalities behind these photos? What do these power-wielders do with their three month break.

Read through this handy guide to find out more about them and their plans for this year.

Aaron Donny-Clark, President Goals for the coming year: Donny-Clark plans to stick to the goals he ran on: putting more focus on the environment, developing better communication between departments, getting rid of booking fees for the Shatner Building and coming up with a "Developmental Plan" for the year that advocates students.

Projects at the moment: "It's the nature of my job to do whatever people need me to do,"DonnyClark said, so lately he's been working on Frosh, Discover McGill - and the regular bureaucratic duties.

lo t s o f e n t h u s ia s m Max Silverman, VP External Goals for the coming year: Silverman wants to create a healthier neighborhood in the ghetto by opening discussions between student reps and community members and creating a landlord registry in which students can compile complaints on those landlords. He also plans to prepare for the upcoming provincial election and get the tuition freeze extended and applied to international and exchange students. On the national level he wants to explore the Canadian Student Movement.

Projects at the moment: "I'm preparing for fights with a "flying squad" - an autonomous mobilized SSMU wing," he said. These wings would be able to organize outside of SSMU and work with the community on their own projects, thus increasing the scope and efficiency of SSMU's policies.

Summer Vacation: Silverman joined Donny-Clark on a 30 day tour across Canada to see about 30 student unions in all the provinces except PEI. "We wanted to see the best ways to organize and get some ideas," he said.

Summer Vacation: Along with Max Silverman, Donny-Clark went on a tour of 30 student unions all over Canada to explore new ideas. “We got to see how other student unions run themselves and see how we can improve," he said.

Finn Heather Upham VP University Affairs Goals for the upcoming year: Upham will be looking toward developing new undergraduate research opportunities. She stresses the need to evaluate who is getting these opportunities and suggests that we need to open the process up. She will be promoting an academic integrity campaign by working with TV McGill to release a video.

Projects for the moment: Being excited and terrified all at once. In addition to that, Upham is chairing three committees including Senate caucus, university affairs and the library improvement committee. Her role (self described) is to be the student representative. "I'm here to speak up for the undergraduate voice."

Summer vacation: Spent largely in front of a computer researching contracts, the quality of education and course evaluation. She's also been working with la FEUQ to help preserve the tuition freeze in Quebec.

Floh Herra-Vega VP Clubs and Services Goals for the upcoming year: Making it easier for campus clubs to gain access to SSMU and to obtain resources.

Projects for the moment: The first is helping establish "Organic Campus," which is expanding its services this year. It operated last year as a co-op, and will now be based downstairs in the Shatner building. Herra-Vega's second project is the implementation of the Harm Reduction Centre. This is a new group focused on drug use and abuse. They will be working on informing students about what may be putting them at risk and activities they should avoid.The group will also be doing advocacy work.

Summer Vacation: "Or lack thereof Cleaning up a lot of paper work in clubs and services. However, she did get two weeks off at one point.

Dave Sunstrum, VP Operations Goals for the upcoming year: Sunstrum is looking to work with Donny-Clark to end room-booking fees in the Shatner building. "We can't really tell McGill University to abolish room fees if we continue to charge them ourselves," he said. ■ Projects at the moment: Making atmospheric changes at Gerts by getting clubs to paint the tables, making a CKUT mural on the wall and improving the decor."Gert's has taken some good steps,"he said,"but it's not quite yet what I had envisioned." Sunstrum is also taking a course to improve his French skills.

Summer Vacation: Who wouldn't love to worry about Gert's all summer? Sunstrum has spent a significant part of his summer improving the under-used campus hangout by hiring a new manager, signing new beer contracts to bring Griffon, Moosehead and Carisberg into the bar. Sunstrum also gave catering service Savoir Faire the boot from their downstairs space which is being converted into an organic foods space.

Gill Prendergast VP Communications and Events Goals for the coming year: Prendergast plans to focus on athletics this year and stick to everything she campaigned on. "It's going to be a huge year with the election and everything. I feel like last year they laid the ground work and now we can really take the reins," she said.

Projects for the moment: Organizing Frosh and making sure that all runs smoothly.

Summer Vacation: Prendergast spent most of the summer dealing with red tape, setting up Frosh, and meshing with the SSMU team. One of her biggest accomplishments was setting up an online registration for Frosh that can be used for years to come.

COMPILED BY MATT CAMPBELL AND KATE S p IRGEN. PHOTOS BY LUKAS B e RGMARK.

C A M

P U S

R E C R E A T IO N

INTRAMURAL SPORTS DIVISIONS

COST

REGISTRATION DATES

PLAYERS TO REGISTER

GAME DAYS

LOCATION

BALL HOCKEY

M en A & B W om en A & B

$110.00 per team

August 28, 9:00 to September 19, 17:00

8

M on & Tues Sunday

Fieldhouse A &B

BASKETBALL

M en A, B, C W om en A & B

$110.00 per team

August 28, 9:00 to September 19, 17:00

8

Tues, to Fri. W eekends

Gymnasium 1&2

FLAG FOOTBALL

M en A & B W om en A & B

$110.00 per team

August 28, 9:00 to September 12, 17:00

8

Tues. & Thurs.

W eekends

Forbes Field

ICE HOCKEY

M en A, B, C, D W om en A & B

$550.00 per team

August 28, 9:00 to September 12, 17:00

11

M on. to Fri. W eekends

McConnell Arena

OUTDOOR SOCCER

M en A, B, C W om en A & B

$140.00 per team

August 28, 9:00 to September 12,17:00

12

M on. to Fri. W eekends

Molson Stadium Forbes Field

TENNIS TOURNAMENT

M en A & B W om en A & B

$15.00 per player

August 28, 9:00 to September 28, 17:00

1

Saturday Sept. 30

Fieldhouse Courts

ULTIMATE DISC

Co-rec A & B

$110.00 per team

August 28, 9:00 to September 12, 17:00

4 M en & 4 W om en

M on - Thur.

Weekends

Forbes Field

M en A & B W om en A & B Co-rec A & B-

$110.00 per team

August 28, 9:00 to September 19, 17:00

8 4 M en & 4 W om en

Mon. W ed. & Thurs.

Gyms 1 & 2 Fieldhouse A&B

Co-Rec

$30.00 per team

2 Men & 2 Women

TBA

Gyms 1 &2

VOLLEYBALL

VOLLEYBALL 4 ON 4 Tournament

TBA

PLEASE NOTE THAT REGISTRATION DEADLINES ARE STRICTLY ENFORCED SPACE IN MOST SPORTS IS LIMITED - REGISTER EARLY

I N T R A M U R A L S p o r t s O f f ic ia t in g S tu d e n ts in te r e s te d in s p o r ts o f fic ia tin g s h o u ld c o m p l e t e a n a p p lic a tio n fo rm a t th e C a m p u s R e c r e a tio n o f fic e (G 3S ), o r e m a il a re su m e to p e r r y .k a m o fs k y @ m c g ill.c a

INTRAMURAL SPORTS BALL HOCKEY BASKETBALL

ICE HOCKEY TOUCH FOOTBALL ULTIMATE

SOCCER VOLLEYBALL

S A V E 2 0 % R e c A c t iv it ie s C a rd

T H E R E C A C TIVITIE S card provides users w ith $ 2 5 w o rth o f Experience is an asset, but not a necessity! recreational services and A re yo u looking fo r activities for $ 2 0 and m ay be A G E N T S a t e a m to jo in ? purchased in th e Client Services A t t e n d t h e F r e e A g e n t s ' M e e t in g a n d c o m e p r e p a r e d Office (G- 2 0 C). t o p a y y o u r p o r t io n o f t h e t e a m e n t r y f e e .

Flag Football, O utdoor Soccer, U ltim ate, & Ice Hockey:

A lt h o u g h e x a c t c h a n g e w ill c o n t in u e to b e a c c e p t e d a t a ll a c t i v i t y a r e a s ,

Friday, S e p te m b e r 8, 2 0 0 6

Ball Hockey, Basketball, and Volleyball: F rid a y S e p te m b e r 15, 2 0 0 6

p r e s e n t a t io n o f y o u r R e c A c t iv it ie s c a rd to t h e a t t e n d a n t in c h a r g e w i l l r e s u l t in

T h e F r e e A g e n t s ' M e e t i n g s b e g i n @ 1 7 : 3 0 in t h e

s a v in g s o f u p to 2 0 % .

T o m lin s o n H a il A t r iu m ( 2 n d F lo o r F ie ld h o u s e )

SCH ED U LE IN F O R M A T IO N

McGill

ATHLETICS

Schedules fo r in tra m u ra l sports can be fo u n d on th e D e p a rtm e n t o f A th le tics W ebsite w w w .a th le tics.m cg ill.ca

IN F O R M A T IO N : 5 1 4 -3 9 8 -7 0 1 I

F I T N

E S S

R E C R E A T I O

N

A N C O

U

R S E S COST

DAY & TIM E

COURSE

R E G IS T R A T IO N

D WKS

K ID S' A Q U A TIC S O ly m p ic W a y - W h it e ( 3 - 1 4 yrs) W h it e A d v ( 3 - 1 4 yrs) G re e n ( 3 - 1 4 yrs) Blu e (3 - 14 yrs) B ro n ze (3 - 14 yrs) S ilv e r ( 3 - 1 4 yrs) G o ld ( 3 - 1 4 yrs)

S a tu rd a y

1 0 :3 0 -1 1 :1 5

|

3 6 .8 5 /5 4 .4 1

8

IN F O R M A T IO N

Register in th e C lien t Services O ffice o f th e Sports C e n tre - M o n d a y th ro u g h Friday 08:30 - 1 9 : 4 5 hrs. Registration starts A u gust 2 1 ,2 0 0 6 .

N o n -m e m b e rs registered in courses m ay use th e facility only d u rin g th e ir desig n ated class tim es. M o s t classes begin th e w e e k o f S e p te m b e r 11, 2 00 6 . Pay-As-You-Go classes begin S e p te m b e r 11 a n d run until D e c e m b e r

S a tu rd a y

1 1 :1 5 -1 2 :0 0

M onday S a tu rd a y W ednesday S a tu rd a y bv a p p o in tm e n t by a p p o in tm e n t Tues 8 Thurs

1 8 :3 0 -1 9 :2 5 1 1 :1 5 -1 2 :1 0 1 8 :3 0 -1 9 :2 5 1 1 :1 5 -1 2 :1 0

1 5 ,2 0 0 6 . Classes w ill n o t b e held O c to b e r 9 ,2 0 0 6 . F ull-tim e M cG ill students m ay register a t th e m em ber's rate. Prices d o n o t in clu de GST & PST

A Q U A TIC S A d u lts L ea rn To S w im (L evel 1 B e q in n e r) A d u lts L earn To S w im (L evel 2 & 3 In te rm e d ia te ) S w im (P riv a te ) S w im (S e m i-P riv a te ) S w im Fit (C a rd io -R e s p ira to ry E n d u ran c e) S tro k e Im p ro v e m e n t SCUBA

3 6 .8 5 /5 4 .4 1

8

C o n te m p o ra ry D a n c e (Students ONLY - Audition Required) F la m e n c o H ip H o p

Irish D an c e Jazz In tr o 1 & II Jazz In te r II & III L a tin D an c e M id d le E as tern D an c e Social D an c e S w in g D a n c e - L in d y H o p 1

1 8 :3 0 -1 9 :2 5

1 5 .8 0 /2 0 .1 8 1 1 .4 1 /1 5 .8 0 3 2 .4 6 /6 7 .5 7

1/2 h r 1/2 hr 8

W ednesday Sunday

1 8 :3 0 -1 9 :2 5 1 2 :3 0 -1 6 :0 0

2 3 .7 0 /4 1 .2 4 2 6 3 .2 5 /2 8 9 .5 8

8 12

F rid a y M onday W ednesday F rid a y

1 6 :3 0 -1 8 :2 5 1 7 :0 0 -1 7 :5 5 1 7 :0 0 -1 7 :5 5 1 8 :0 0 -2 0 :0 0

7 3 .7 1 /9 5 .6 5 3 6 .8 6 /5 8 .7 9

10 10

3 1 .5 9

20

W ednesday

4 9 .1 4 /7 1 .0 8 3 6 .8 6 /5 8 .7 9

10

Tuesday T h u rsd a y Friday T h u rsd a y Tues & Thurs tu e s 8 Thurs M onday Tuesday T h u rsd a y Tuesday T h u rsd a y

1 9 :0 0 -2 0 :2 5 1 8 :0 0 -1 8 :5 5 1 9 :0 0 -1 9 :5 5 1 9 :0 0 -1 9 :5 5 1 8 :0 0 -1 8 :5 5 2 0 :0 0 -2 1 :2 5 1 7 :0 0 -1 8 :2 5 1 8 :3 0 -1 9 :5 5 1 9 :0 0 -2 0 :2 5 1 9 :0 0 -2 0 :2 5 1 9 :0 0 -1 9 :5 5 2 0 :3 0 -2 1 :5 5 1 8 :0 0 -1 8 :5 5

M on. 8 W ed.

M on. 8 W ed.

M on. & W ed.

M o n . & W ed.

S a tu rd a y T u e sd ay 8 T h u rs d a y Tuesday & T h u rs d a y M o n . 8 W ednesday S u n d ay Tuesday 8 T h u rs d a y Tuesday 8 Th u rsd a y Tuesday & T h u rs d a y Friday M on. 8 W ed.

T u e sd ay 8 T h u rs d a y S a tu rd a y M on. 8 W ed.

1 8 :0 0 -1 8 :5 5 1 7 :0 0 -1 7 :5 5 1 9 :0 0 -1 9 :5 5 1 2 :0 0 -1 2 :5 5 1 2 :0 0 -1 2 :5 5 1 6 :0 0 -1 6 :5 5 1 8 :0 0 -1 8 :5 5 1 7 :0 0 -1 7 :5 5 1 1 :0 0 -1 1 :5 5 1 7 :0 0 -1 7 :5 5 0 8 :0 0 -0 8 :5 5 1 8 :0 0 -1 8 :5 5 1 6 :3 0 -1 7 :5 5 1 8 :0 0 -1 9 :2 5 1 9 :0 0 -1 9 :5 5 1 1 :3 0 -1 2 :2 5 1 8 :0 0 -1 8 :5 5

3 5 .1 0 /7 8 .9 8 3 5 .1 0 /7 8 .9 8 3 5 .1 0 /7 8 .9 8 3 5 .1 0 /7 8 .9 8 1 7 .5 5 /3 9 .4 9 4 0 .3 7 /8 4 .2 4 4 0 .3 7 /8 4 .2 4 3 5 .1 0 /7 8 .9 8 2 8 .9 6 /5 0 .9 0 3 5 .1 0 /7 8 .9 8 5 7 .9 2 /1 0 1 .7 9

10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10 10

4 3 .8 8 /5 7 .0 4 8 6 .8 7 /1 3 0 .7 5 5 7 .9 2 /1 0 1 .7 9 2 8 .9 6 /S 0 .9 0 3 8 .6 1 /8 2 .4 9

10 10 10 10 10

M onday S a tu rd a y Tges Sunday W ednesday T h u rs d a y Friday.

Friday Friday

1 8 :0 0 -1 8 :5 5 1 1 :0 0 -1 1 :5 5 1 7 :0 0 -1 7 :5 5 1 2 :0 0 -1 2 :5 5 1 8 :0 0 -1 8 :5 5 1 7 h 0 0 -1 7 h 5 5 1 6 :3 0 -1 7 :2 5 1 8 :0 0 -1 8 :5 5 1 7 h 3 0 -1 8 h 2 S

2 .1 9 IÏ9 2 .1 9 2 .1 9 2 .1 9 2 .1 9 2 .1 9 2 .1 9 2 .1 9

K ic k b o x in g - S a v a te t!

T ae K w o n D o SbaoM n F e n c in g 1 F en cin q 11 Hockey 1 H o c k e y II S k a tin g

S k a tin g (P riv a te ) S k a tin g (S e m i-P riv a te ) S q u a sh in tr o

4 8 .2 6 /7 0 .2 0 7 8 .9 7 /1 2 2 .8 5 7 8 .9 7 /1 2 2 .8 5 4 8 .2 6 /7 0 .2 0 3 6 .8 6 /5 8 .7 9 4 8 .2 6 /7 0 .2 0 3 6 .8 6 /5 8 .7 9

PAY AS Y O U G O STEP TAE BO X AEROBICS BOOT CAM P B o d y D es ig n S ty lin ' S tep Spin P o w e r Y oga

................ ......

CPR R e-C ert H a th a Y o g a 1

H a th a Y o g a il P ilâ tes P ilâ te s ! 8 Il P o w e r Y oga Tai Chi

1

1 9 :0 0 -2 2 :0 0 0 9 :0 0 -1 9 :0 0

14 1

0 9 :0 0 -1 7 :0 0

4 8 .2 6 /5 7 .0 4

1

M on & W ed Tues 8 Thurs M on. 8 W ed, Tues. & T hor.

Friday M on 8 W ed Tues 8 Thurs T h u rsd a y

0 8 :0 0 -0 8 :5 5 1 6 :0 0 -1 6 :5 5 1 8 :1 5 -1 9 :2 5 1 9 :3 0 -2 0 :4 0 0 8 :0 0 -0 8 :5 5 1 6 :0 0 -1 6 :5 5 1 7 :1 5 -1 8 :2 5 1 7 :0 0 -1 8 :1 0 1 8 :3 0 -1 9 :4 0 1 7 :0 0 -1 7 :5 5 1 3 :0 0 -1 4 :1 5 1 4 :3 0 -1 5 :4 5 1 3 :0 0 -1 3 :5 5 1 7 :0 0 -1 7 :5 5 2 0 :0 0 -2 1 :2 5

3 0 .7 1 /6 5 .8 1 3 0 .7 1 /6 5 ,8 1 4 8 .2 6 /9 2 .1 4 3 8 .6 1 /7 3 .7 1 3 8 .6 1 /8 2 .4 9 3 0 .7 1 /6 5 .8 1 3 8 .6 1 /7 3 .7 1 3 8 .6 1 /7 3 .7 1 4 8 .2 6 /9 2 .1 4 3 8 .6 1 /8 2 .4 9 4 8 .2 6 /9 2 .1 4 ......

2 4 .5 7 /4 6 .5 1 3 8 .6 1 /8 2 .4 9 3 8 .6 1 fflZ 4 9 4 0 .3 7 /5 7 .9 2

8 8 10 8 10 8 8_

T u e sd ay 8 Friday M o n 8 W e d 8 Fri M on, 8 W ed.

M on. 8 W ed.

T u e sd ay 8 S a tu rd a y M on. 8 W ed.

T u é ., T h u r. 8 F rid a y

1 8 :0 0 -1 9 :5 5 1 7 :0 0 -1 9 :5 5 1 6 :3 0 -1 7 :5 5 1 7 :3 0 -1 9 :2 5 1 9 :3 0 -2 1 :2 5 2 0 :0 0 -2 1 :5 5 0 9 :0 0 -1 0 :5 5 1 5 :0 0 -1 6 :2 5 2 0 :3 0 -2 1 :2 5

7 8 .9 7 /1 2 2 .8 5

10

7 0 .2 0 /1 3 6 .0 1 6 3 .1 8 /1 0 7 .0 6 6 3 .1 8 /1 0 7 .0 6 6 3 .1 8 /1 0 7 .0 6

10 10 10 10

4 8 .2 6 /1 1 4 .0 8 4 8 ,2 6 /1 1 4 .0 8

10 10

Tues & T h u rs

1

10 10

___ IB______ 10 10 10 8

M A R T IA L ARTS A ik id o C a p o e ira Ju d o K a r a te d o Kendo K ic k b o x in g k ic k b o x in g - S a v a te !

o r

S q u a sh (P riv a te ) S q u a sh (S e m i-P riv a te ) T en n is C a rd io

T en nis In tr o

T en n is A d v a n c e d

4 0 .3 7 /4 4 .7 5 4 0 .3 7 /4 4 .7 5 2 0 6 .2 1 /2 3 6 .9 3 7 5 .5 9 /8 3 .3 6

bv a p p o in tm e n t by a p p o in tm e n t W ednesday S a tu rd a y 8 S u n d a y M id S e p te m b e r TB A Sunday, S e p te m b e r TB A M on 8 W ed

S q u a sh In te r

T en n is In te r

FITNESS & W ELLNESS Fitness A p p ra is a l W e ig h t T ra in in q - P riva te P erso n a l T ra in e r D e v e lo p m e n t CPRVFirst A id

WKS

1 9 :0 0 2 0 :2 5 1 9 :3 0 -2 1 :2 5 2 0 :0 0 -2 1 :5 5

7 0 .2 0 /1 3 6 .0 1 6 3 ,1 8 /1 0 7 .0 6 6 3 .1 8 /1 0 7 .0 6

10 10 10

0 8 :0 0 -0 8 :5 5 Tuesday & T h u rs d a y 1 9 :0 0 -1 9 :5 5 M o n . 8 W ed.

2 0 :0 0 -2 0 :5 5 M on. & W ed.

T h u rs d a y ______________ 1 4 :4 5 -1 6 :1 5 1 4 :4 5 -1 6 :1 5 Friday 1 5 :0 0 -1 6 :1 5 W ednesday 1 0 :3 0 -1 1 :2 0 S a tu rd a y 1 1 :3 0 -1 2 :2 0 S a tu rd a y b y a p p o in tm e n t b y a p p o in tm e n t 1 6 :0 0 -1 6 :4 5 M onday 1 7 :3 0 -1 8 :1 5 M onday 1 6 :4 5 -1 7 :3 0 Tuesday 1 7 :3 0 -1 8:1S Tuesday 1 2 :1 5 -1 3 :0 0 W ednesday 1 3 :0 0 -1 3 :4 5 W ednesday 1 6 :0 0 -1 6 :4 5 T h u rs d a y 1 6 :4 5 -1 7 :3 0 T h u rs d a y 0 8 :3 0 -0 9 :1 5 F rid a y 0 9 :1 5 -1 0 :0 0 F rid a y 1 4 :3 0 -1 5 :1 5 F rid a y 1 5 :1 5 -1 6 :0 0 Friday 1 6 :0 0 -1 6 :4 5 Friday 1 0 :4 5 -1 1 :3 0 S a tu rd a y 1 1 :3 0 -1 2 :1 5 S u n d ay 1 6 :4 5 -1 7 :3 0 M onday 1 7 :3 0 -1 8 :1 5 T h u rs d a y S a tu rd a y 1 1 :3 0 -1 2 :1 5 1 2 :1 5 -1 3 :0 0 Sunday b y a p p o in tm e n t b y a p p o in tm e n t 1 6 :0 0 -1 6 :5 5 Tuesday 1 7 :0 0 -1 7 :5 5 Tuesday 1 6 :0 0 -1 6 :5 5 T h u rs d a y M onday 1 9 :0 0 -1 9 :5 5 1 6 :0 0 -1 6 :5 5 Tuesday 1 4 :0 0 -1 4 :5 5 W ednesday T h u rs d a y 1 8 :0 0 -1 8 :5 5 0 9 :3 0 -1 0 :5 5 S a tu rd a y (3 w e e k s ) 0 9 :3 0 -1 0 :5 5 S u n d a y (3 w e e k s ) 2 0 :0 0 -2 0 :5 5 M onday 17 :0 0 -1 7 :5 5 Tuesday 1 5 :0 0 -1 5 :5 5 W ednesday ' 1 9 :0 0 -1 9 :5 5 T h u rs d a y 1 1 :0 0 -1 2 :2 5 S a tu rd a y (3 w e e k s ) 2 1 :0 0 -2 1 :5 5 M onday 1 8 :0 0 -1 8 :5 5 Tuesday 1 6 :0 0 -1 6 :5 5 W ednesday 1 7 :0 0 -1 7 :5 5 T h u rs d a y 1 1 :0 0 -1 2 :2 5 5 u n d a y (3 w e e k s ) b y a p p o in tm e n t b y a p p o in tm e n t

4 1 .2 4 /7 6 .3 4

8

4 1 .2 4 /7 6 .3 4 5 4 .4 0 /7 1 .9 6

8 8

4 8 ,2 6 /6 5 .8 1 3 3 .3 5 /5 0 .9 0

8

1 5 .8 0 /2 0 .1 8 1 1 .4 1 /1 5 .8 0 2 2 .8 1 /3 5 .9 8

1 /2 h r 1/2 h r 6

2 2 .8 1 /3 5 .9 8

6

1 6 .6 7 /2 1 .0 6 1 1 .4 1 /1 5 .8 0 5 0 0 8 /7 1 9 6

4 5 m iri 4 5 m in 10

Tues., Thurs. 8 Fri. M on. 8 W ed.

Tuesday & Th u rsd a y

I SPORTS

FITNESS & W ELLNESS A e ro b ic s - R e tro C ard io A b s, Back & B o o tie B all B last B o d y W o rk s B o d y D es ig n B o d y In B alance B o o t C am p C a rd io Jam D e-T o x Cycle Kick, P unch, Jive & Jam Spin P ed al Jam P ed al 8 P u m p Spin & Trim H o t W h e e ls T rain Y o u r........ o f f Y o g a F o r A th le te s

COST

DAY & TIM E

M A R T IA L ARTS

DANCE B a lle t B elly D a n c in g

COURSE

T en nis (P riv a te ) T en nis (S em i-P riva te)

2 9 .8 4 /4 3 .0 0

6 .

2 2 .8 2 /2 9 .8 4 2 9 .8 4 /4 3 .0 0

2 2 .8 2 /2 9 .8 4 2 9 .8 4 /4 3 .0 0

2 2 .8 2 /2 9 .8 4 2 0 .1 8 /2 4 .5 7 1 4 .0 4 /1 8 .4 3

1 1

O U T D O O R PURSUITS E q u e s tria n R ock C lim b in g K a y a k in g H ik in g

S a tu rd a y Sunday S at,, S e p te m b e r 2 4 W ednesday Sat., S e p te m b e r 16 Sun., S e p te m b e r 2 4 Sat., S e p te m b e r 30 Sat,, O c to b e r 14 S un., O c to b e r 29 Sat.. N o v e m b e r 4 S un., N o v e m b e r 2 6

1 3 :3 0 -1 5 :2 5 1 3 :3 0 -1 5 :2 5 A ll D ay 2 1 :0 0 -2 2 :3 0 A ll D ay

1 2 7 .2 3 /1 3 6 .0 1

M o n d ay 8 W ednesday Tuesday & T h u rs d a y M o n d ay & W ednesday M o n d a y & F rid a y T u e sd ay & T h u rs d a y Tue sd ay & T h u rs d a y Tuesday & Th u rsd a y M o n d ay 8 W ednesday T u e sd ay 8 T h u rs d a y T u e sd ay 8 T h u rs d a y M o n d ay and W ednesday Tuesday 8 T h u rs d a y M o n d ay 8 W ednesday M o n d a y , W e d n e s d a y , F rid a y M o nday 8 W ednesday M o n d ay 8 W ednesday

1 2 :1 5 -1 3 :0 0 1 3 :0 0 -1 3 :4 5 1 3 :0 0 -1 3 :4 5 1 2 :1 5 -1 3 :0 0 12 :30 -13 : IS 1 2 :3 0 -1 3 :1 5 1 3 :0 0 -1 3 :4 5 1 3 :0 0 -1 3 :5 5 1 3 :0 0 -1 3 :4 5 1 2 :0 0 -1 2 :4 5 1 2 :1 5 -1 3 :0 0 1 2 :1 5 -1 3 :0 0 1 2 :0 0 -1 2 :4 5 1 2 :1 5 -1 3 :0 0 1 3 :0 0 -1 3 :4 5 1 3 :0 0 -1 3 :4 5

$ 1 3 .1 6

6 5 .8 1 /7 0 .0 2 8 7 .7 5 /1 0 5 .3 0 3 9 .4 9 /4 3 .8 8

6

_ _ 8 1

STAFF FITNESS A q u a Fitness B a d m in to n Basic T ra in in q B elly D a n c in g B o d y D esiqn D a n c e A ero b ics Easy R ider R iders o n th e S to rm H a th a Y o g a 1 H a th a Y o q a II P ilâ te s - In tr o P ilâ te s - A d v a n c e d P o w e r Y o q a Lite Recess Tennis Tai C hi

w w w .a t h le t ic s .m c g ill.c a

13

M c G ill

ATHLETICS

O

p in io n U N CO M M O N LY TH O U G H TFU L

J U M B O S H R IM P

Distinctly confused

University life and other oxymorons

J esse C haser

J. F. K ostuck

JESSE.CHASER@GMAIL.COM y name is androgynous. Upon hearing it, you cannot tell if I am a boy or a girl. Some people say that they can tell if they know how it's spelled: Jessie is a girl and Jesse is a boy. I doubt my parents meant to spell my name the “boy" way, but I sometimes wonder whether it was a Freudian slip; whether somehow, even then, they knew. Occasionally, I think it's fate being cruel. At other times, I think it's fate being kind. Either way, it has certainly been fortuitous.

Othergendervariant people struggle with the name issue. Imagine showing up to a conference and having to respond to "Cassandra" when your outer appearance suggests that you're more of a "Mark." In this sense, I am undoubtedly lucky.

For most of my life I have felt sorry for myself. Why couldn't I just be normal?

The truth is that the desire to be normal is really just the desire to be like everyone else. It is not so much a desire to be "normal" (whatever that may mean) as a desire to be common.

I. find this desire to be ironic, especially at a place like McGill where everyone is trying to distinguish themselves. Awards and accolades are by definition distinctions. There is even a category of awards called "distinction."

You can graduate with distinction, or great distinction. This implies that the greater the distinction, the better. This is true as long as you are distinguishing yourself in the normal, nay, commonly

M

JFKOSTUCK@GMAIL.COM

accepted way. . There are many reasons why I feel sorry for myself. I do not fit in to society's mould of either "man" or "woman." I confuse others. I confuse myself. My parents aren't sure what to make of me.

They try to be kind.They try to understand - and I try to help them - but the truth is that I'm not sure what to make of myself.

I have constantly struggled with what it means to be me and how I can show the world who I really am.

I no longer feel sorry for myself. I'm still confused, but I have accepted that maybe that's the way things are supposed to be. Maybe everyone is confused.

Maybe life is meant to be confusing. If so, then maybe realizing that you're confused and having to deal with the fact that you don't fit into a box brings you one step closer to really understanding the world.

Or maybe I just tell myself that in.order to cope.

I'm not trying to elicit pity. In many ways my life has been a good one: I've never had to worry about finding something to eat or how to pay tuition, I do not have any serious health problems, I have good parents and great friends.

However, my struggle has allowed me to see and experience the world from a different vantage point. I do not claim to know everything, to have seen everything, or to have experienced everything - but during the coming months I hope to share with you my uncommon, if not unique, point of view. ■

I f Martha Stewart has taught me nothing else, it is to never apologize for a meal before you serve it. By all means, apologize as your guests are being carted off on stretchers by EMS, but not a moment before that lobsterlychee casserole hits the table.

Thankfully, Martha Stewart's credibility is completely shot, and thus I unabashedly forgiveness culpa, dear reader. This article was intended to be a coming-of-age tale, one which inspired thousands, and warmed various cockles en m asse. The subject was Frosh, and I planned to deliver a cautionary yet enlightening tale of all things alcoholic from the perspective of a person who has both been there and done that.

My literary delirium was abruptly shattered when Icametoa startling realization: no one cared. Or, to be more specific, no one cared anym ore.

Freshman frosh guides were a dime a dozen, 'and they were all remarkably homogenous. After all, there is only so much one can say about sex and liquor. Or is there?

Perhaps one could put a humanizing spin on the idea by .including a personal anecdote about one's own Frosh.

Well, maybe not. The thought only came to me when I got sexiled by rriy roommate and had to spend the night in the common room.

Perhaps instead, I could litter my column with pop culture references, in the hopes of disguising the ghastly unoriginal premise of the piece. Wait, no, South Park already did that about the Simpsons already doing that.

The bottom line is, writing a freshman

advice article in this day and age is akin to sleeping with Paris Hilton: You just don't do it.

And if you do, you don't leave your real name at the end of the night.

The problem is not, by any means, lack of readership - quite the opposite. First-year students go to great lengths to educate themselves in all things Frosh. The wellresearched freshman already knows to avoid the eggs in the dining hall and can erect an Ikea bookshelf in 6 0 seconds flat. University is a pro football game, and incoming freshmen know the playbook through and through even though they're rookies.

With total disregard to future columnists scrambling for September ideas, our literary forefathers have covered every possible topic from move-in to mescaline. To even attempt to rewrite their sacred and scholarly scripture would be like Dan Brown writing the sequel to the Bible. It would be an artistic co u p d'etat that has not been seen since Limp Bizkit covered The Who's Beh in d Blue Eyes.

Maybe it is time for something fresh, something modern. The epoch of evolution is upon us, and with it must come innovative and enticing new articles directed at freshmen. There must be another way to open the academic year than with vaguely witty observations on the buffet of insanity that is Frosh. A literary renaissance is in order; one sculpted to cater to the tastes of the next wave of post-secondary students.

One revolutionary article is all it would take. Just don't ask me to write it; I'm not a chef, I just play one on TV. ■

I N F O R M A T IO N A T IO N

Ideas are cheap in the digital age A ndrew S chaaf ANDREW@ANDREWSCHAAF.COM

here is one massive economic difference separating ideas from physical goods: The marginal cost of an idea is now zero. If I eat a sandwich, you cannot also eat it, but once an idea, an essay, a song or a better web browser comes around, it can be shared, from anyone and to everyone, network to network, at a negligible additional cost. As Thomas Jefferson put it, "He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me."

In fact, rather than facing the Tragedy of the Commons, where farmers over-graze and wear down the shared physical pasture, we now have the Bounty of the Inverse Commons, in whichthegrassgetsgreenerthe more wegraze:the more people useWikipedia, the more people willactivelycontribute:The more people use open source software like OpenOffice and Firefox, the more active their user and developer communities become.

Society benefits more than ever before from the ability to share, remix and collaborate, now that tools for virtually unlimited information transfer exist.

File sharing immensely benefits the public, and Wikipedia makes tangible to all of us the unexpected power of decentralized creativity on open work, which has been

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obvious to people in the open source software community for over a decade.

But resistance from entrenched interests is strong, reactionary and fearful of new technologies outside their control.

They have become shrill about their unbalanced interpretations of copyright. In the 8 0 s, the Motion Picture Association of America's president Jack Valenti told Congress that"the VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the Boston Strangler is to the woman home alone."

Softwarecompanies'attacks have called open source software"a cancer." And school campaigns have ranged from the old don't co p y th a t flop py campaign, to the blatant elementary school propaganda of Captain Copyright (captaincopyright.ca).

Their political lobbying has taken a large toll. At the outset of US copyright law, a work was restricted for as little as 14 years before becoming public domain. Thanks to lobbyists, the duration is now 9 5 years or 7 0 years after the author's death.

What possible additional incentive do the last 10 years of the copyright add? When starting to write a book, do you rely on what happens 6 0 years after your death? Yet classic works are kept from the public domain almost indefinitely.

More significantly, the scope of copyright has increased.

Originally it applied in practice only to published works.

But in the computer age, every online interaction involves communicating information "in a tangible medium"and is thus under the control of copyright. Worse, particular laws like the Digital Millennium Copyright Act in the US and similar laws elsewhere have given copyright holders powers far beyond the basic nature of copyright. Rights holders are now allowed to censor security research on their products, artificially segregate world DVD markets and censor Web sites, creating chilling effects for everyone.

In the information age, and in finding the utilitarian balance of copyright, we have reasons to value openness, sharing and remixing more than ever before, not less. Industry lobbying has distorted the balance to an inefficient and amoral extreme.

It's up to us to reshape the debate and move to something more reasonable, something actually in the interest of our society. Copyright still has a role, just not the overly pervasive and restrictive one it has acquired. Let's move to a proper balance, promote the ability to share and remix, and more fully unleash the power of decentralized creativity. ■

06.09.06 • The McGill Tribune • 9

T ribune www.mcgilltribune.com

E D IT O R IA L

E d it o r - in - C h ie f

The Tribune: Under new management

James Gotowiec e d ito r@ m c g illtrib u n e .c o m

M a n a g in g E d it o r s

David Blye Traci Johnson

s e n io re d @ m c g illtrib u n e .c o m P r o d u c t io n M a n a g e r

Tiffany Choy

p r o d u c tio n @ m c g illtr ib u n e .c o m N ew s E d it o r s

Kayvon Afshari M att Campbell Kate Spirgen n e w s @ m c g illtrib u n e .c o m O p in io n E d it o r

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F eatur es E d it o r s

Rachel Melnik Elizabeth Perle fe a tu re s @ m c g illtr ib u n e .c o m A rts & E n t e r t a in m e n t E d ito r s

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a rts @ m c g illtrib u n e .c o m S p o r ts E d it o r s

Charlie Blore Aaron Sigal s p o rts @ m c g illtrib u n e .c o m P h o t o E d it o r s

Lukas Bergmark Vladimir Eremin p h o to @ m c g illtrib u n e .c o m C o p y E d it o r

Terri Alderfer c o p y @ m c g illtr ib u n e .c o m D esig n E d it o r

Andrew Frankel d e s ig n @ m c g illtrib u n e .c o m A d v e r t is in g M a n a g e r

Paul Slachta

J ames G otowiec he beginnings are the hardest to write.

It's always about looking for a witty way to say what has been said before (basically: welcome back), and staring at a white screen with a slowly blinking cursor is no way to get inspired.

Consulting the archives for advice from former editors doesn't really work either—it makes you feel unoriginal. So instead you cast about for ideas, hoping they'll turn up before your deadline hits.

Such is the life of a newspaper editor.

To the outside observer, the start of school must be an interesting sight. One day Lower Field is empty except for pigeons, the next it's filled with parents on the brink of tears, and the next only nervous-looking freshmen remain, along with a large inflatable jumping castle and far too many two-fours. Soon other students begin to trickle back, some fondly remembering their frosh week from the year before; others wishing they were first-years again, living a life free of the stress of GPAs and looming grad school applications.

The clubs and services start up again, activities night comes and goes, and student life returns'to something approximating normal just in time for exams to come along.

September, though it arrives too early, can be seen as something of a blessing in disguise.

The first week of class is almost my favourite time of year—everyone's relaxed, free of the stress of class, and you can have a drink or two or three at OAP (or your bar of choice) pretty much guilt-free.

Before the leaves fall, the cold hits, and we seek refuge in the libraries studying for midterms and writing papers, we're given four precious weeks to slowly get ourselves back into academic mode and get our bearings.

Over in Student Newspaperland (also known as our Shatner building office) the process is somewhat condensed. Arriving back on campus just a week before class, new editors have little time to get their bearings, instead facing trial by fire in an attempt to get the first issue out on time.

Eager to learn and do well, they struggle through, so that you, our readers, can wander throug h these pages over the next week when you're looking to pass the time.

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For that we thank you. If it weren't for you returning to the newsstand to pick up our issues week after week, then we wouldn't have much reason to be here. When it comes down to it, we're here to serve you and your interests.

In that spirit, we've made some changes to the paper over the summer. We've modified our masthead slightly and started using a new font in response to your comments. We've expanded our Editorial Board, adding an editor who will be responsible for the opinion section and will work with our columnists and guest columnists. And we've launched a new Web site, which we hope will eventually include polls and forums where you can share your thoughts on the stories and

events we report on.

I invite you all to contribute to the Trib in some way this year. This is your newspaper as much as it is ours. Like our coverage? Don't like our coverage? Write us a letter. We'll print as many of them as we can fit. Want to see an event or story covered? Come in and talk to an editor, or send us an e-mail. Itching to let everyone on campus know about your point of view? Write a guest column.

All I ask for in return is your understanding.

We will undoubtedly make mistakes. That's not to say we want to, and we will try our best week after week to keep them to a minimum, but we're learning too, and we're only human. ■

B Y J A M IE G O O D M A N

a d v m g r@ s s m u .m c g ill.c a A d T ypsetter

Vladimir Eremin

O FF TH E BOARD

Vexed in the City

P u b lish er

Chad Ronalds

E lizabeth P erle C o n t r ib u t o r s

David Campana Jesse Chaser Ezra Glinter Conor Graham J.F. Kostuck Joanna Reznick Andrew Schaaf M atthew Segal Shiran Teitelbaum

TribuneOffices E d ito rial Shatner University Centre Suite no, 3480McTavish Montreal, QC H3A1X9

t: 514.398.6789 e: info@mcgilltribune.com A d ve rtisin g Brown Student Building Suite 1200,3600McTavish Montreal, QC H3A1Y2

is the physical embodiment of everything that is wrong with the universe. Yes. I said everything. If you have not heard of Sex a n d the City, stop reading now; not because you won't understand what is to follow, but because you are a filthy liar and I have no patience for you.

The series is about four women who are over 3 0 and *gasp* single in New York City. Sarah Jessica Parker plays a successful dating columnist named Carrie, who begins each show with reflections from her work, such as: "What is love?

Do I love, love? What if love doesn't love, love?

God I love my Manolo shoes." Luckily the show has ended, but, unfortunately, it was not because of waning popularity. You may not watch it, but your friends do. All of them. It's like an STI, except easier to catch and more destructive to your womanhood.

Just because a show considers itself scandalous enough to use the term "sex" in the title certainly does not make it sexually liberating.

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t: 514398.6806 f: 514398.7490

ex a n d the City

When its core audience begs to differ, do not listen to them; they have been brainwashed by the show's glossy people, shiny high heels and one too many of Carrie's fluffy, pink tutu-dresses.

S e x a n d the City is, indeed, the most treacherous offshoot of the so-called "female empowerment TV" genre: It follows the lives of four women who are independent and have their own economic means, parading themselves as progressive simply because they can have sex with whomever they want.

The series is"unique”(or, at least, uncommon) in that it does depict women enjoying sex.

Unfortunately, that is its only value. And come on, four women who spend every moment together obsessing about shopping, marriage, men and babies? Oh, the stereotypes. In the end, Sex a n d the City is the exact opposite of everything it claims to be: sexually enlightened, feminist and heck, even intelligent.

In one noteworthy episode, the four women break into a "debate" about which of the past

presidents of the United States they would most like to sleep with. Then, over the martinis and salads, Parker's sugary voice suddenly emerges and perceptively points out the political nature of their conversation. Apparently, the mere mention of a president's name makes the sentence intensely political (even if the words "against a wall"or"hunk-a-licious"follow), and obviously this is not to be expected from a discussion between four successful and educated women during their lunch break. I mean, women... talking p o litics ?

Inconceivable!

All else aside, if Carrie's lessons from S e x a n d the City really do boast some semblance of insight into female life, then the series finale would have probably been the most telling. In the show's final scenes—where Carrie is finally reunited with a certain someone—the audiences are inadvertently told that at the end of every dating dilemma and relationship gone wrong, all every girl ultimately needs to find herself is a man who is "Big" (if you know what I mean). ■

T h e M c G ill T r ib u n e is a n e d ito ria lly a u to n o m o u s n e w s p a p e r p u b lis h e d b y t h e S tu d e n ts 'S o c ie ty o f M c G ill U n iv e rs ity in c o lla b o r a tio n w ith th e T r ib u n e P u b lic a tio n S o c ie ty . L e tte rs to th e e d ito r m a y b e s e n t to le tte rs @ m c g illtrib u n e . c o m a n d m u s t in c lu d e t h e c o n trib u to r's n a m e , p r o g ra m a n d ye a r, a n d c o n ta c t in fo r m a tio n . L e tte rs s h o u ld b e k e p t u n d e r 300w o rd s a n d s u b m itt e d o n ly t o t h e T r ib u n e . S u b m is s io n s ju d g e d b y th e T r ib u n e P u b lic a tio n S o c ie ty t o b e lib e llo u s , sexist, ra cist, h o m o p h o b ic o r s o le ly p r o m o tio n a l in n a tu re w ill n o t b e p u b lis h e d . T h e T r ib u n e re serves t h e r ig h t to e d it all c o n trib u tio n s . E d ito ria ls a re d e c id e d u p o n a n d w r it te n b y th e e d ito ria l b o a rd . A ll o t h e r

opinions are strictly those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the McGill Tribune, its editors or its staff. Please recycle this newspaper.

10 - The McGill Tribune • 06.09.06

L e tte rs to th e e d ito r weakness of our governors. helped for anything!

You do not deserve to die and for that we Do you deserve Qatioshas? - no you don't!

But my people and my family members who cannot but cry.

Your names will be remembered and your have F-1 6 S and Apaches flying over their beds souls never forgotten. do not deserve to die either.

Were you a Sarah or a Mohammed, we For what? For the personal egos of Olmert shall weep you equally as your lives were and Nasrallah, who think they're saviors?

Let's send the slaughtered jewish and arab equally important.

Peace to all of us..." babies to them both and see what God they worship!

D o ry A .A za r That's enough! We're tired of their flying A lum nus, C om pu ter Engineering gadgets, we're tired of their stupid politics and beliefs!

McGill's fundraising efforts We have grown-ups with a 12 -year-oldEric Alper ("Mo' money, no problems," child's slang fighting their own war by sending 4 .4 .0 6 ) is absolutely right that McGill's other people's children to die!

That's enough! I want Sarah as much as ■fundraising strategy is extremely weak. As a Mohammed to live the life they are meant to thriving McGill alum, all I get is cards in the mail saying vaguely that "McGill Would Not have!

Shed your tears people, shed your tears to Be the Same Without You" and a call to give this human cruelty instead of encouraging this some money. I'd be happy to donate, but these mailings are so faceless and disconnected from party or that to keep fighting!

Let's mourn these innocent people reality they are rather depressing. McGill alumni who are dying by hundreds but are not seen are loyal and in many cases quite successful.

There's no need to be bashful about asking because of our media!

Whichever God you worship, no religion for substantial donations—the administration tells you to kill and to those who do not concur, just needs fundraising savvy, and ifthe buildings are still crumbling like they were when I was a go read the books!

My sympathy to all the victims and I urge student, it's a shame McGill hasn't learned to every single one of you who still has some leverage the power of the alumni to improve compassion to read these lines in the name of the state of affairs. all the victims who died asking "Why?!": C hristo pher Allen "We are sorry for the pain the human B.Eng '9 8 cruelty imposed on you.

We are sorry for the blood you shed for the

Prayer Do you sometimes look at your watch and don't know what time it is?

Do you sometime go to sleep, wake up thinking you're somewhere but discover you're somewhere else?

Do you sometimes go to a room in your house and wonder why you went there?

Do you sometime feel so helpless that you say to yourself "God help me," regardless of what your religion is?

I do too!

I can go on with an exhaustive list of those little things that we have in common and define us as human beings...

Does one have any right to decide the fate of others?

We could go on and point out responsibles and blame them for the death of innocent people because it's the easiest we can do, but would the problem.be solved?

Some of you blame Israelis or Arabs, others Islam or Judaism, others the CIA and the United States. Would this bring the innocent victims back to life?

Many of you think "those are war casualties," for me they're human beings and I feel ashamed if that Arab little boy or that Israeli little girl asks me "Why did I die?"...

Why did they die? Did they die for any reason at all? Was the "Cause" worth the blood they spilled?

Almost 58 years and our people are still suffering. Now show me if you can tell little Mohammed and little Sarah if their blood

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T h e T r i b is r e c r u it in g : W e 'r e lo o k in g f o r a n O n l i n e E d it o r , a c o lu m n is t fo r O p i n io n a n d a s p o r t s c o l u m n i s t . If y o u 'r e in t e r e s t e d , d r o p o f f a C V , c o v e r le t t e r a n d t h r e e w r it in g s a m p l e s t o o u r o f f ic e ( R o o m 1 1 0 in t h e S h a t n e r b u ild in g ) .

If y o u 'r e in t e r e s t e d in c o n t r i b u t i n g t o t h e O p i n io n s e c t io n , d ro p b y t h e T r ib u n e o f f ic e T u e s d a y s a t 5 :3 0 .

If y o u 'r e in t e r e s t e d in c o n t r i b u t i n g t o a n y ' o t h e r s e c t io n , e - m a il in f o @ m c g illt r ib u n e . com .

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C A F É R A M A , U N IV E R S IT Y B Y T E S , V O Y A G E S C A M P U S , M c G IL L L E G A y [ I K I - M I N G , A L T A IB FRA N X SU P R EM E, C U LT U R ES, a n d t h e N E W E S T A D D IT IO N “ C o in S A D I E S C o r n e r ”

IT’S YOUR BUILDING . . . so m ake it a regular visit

S t u d e n t o n

L iv in g

CAM PUS

W a i t i n g is t h e h a r d e s t p a r t N a v ig a t in g t h e m u s ic la b y r in t h uncle's cousin's ex-roommate's dog. Of course, the only time you realize you need a form like this is when class If you take a walk down to the corner of Aylmer and sign-ups start, so... either the summer, the exam period, Sherbrooke, near the eastern edge of campus, you will or the very end of the school year. If you thought music find a McGill building. This is no ordinary building, but a professors were hard to find normally, just wait until the confusing labyrinth of dead-ends and key card-access end of the year. The only way to catch one is to construct doors that would make King Minos proud. Left is right, right some sort of booby trap outside their office like a burmese is left, and half the time, the administrative staff seems just tiger pit or one of those spring-loaded nets hidden with some leaves. Setting these up is a bit of a gamble, but what as confused as you are to what's going on.

Problem number one: If you don't know exactly other choice do you have?

Problem number four: If you need to pee in the where to look for something in the music building, it is very hard to find it. Room numbers mean nothing, and music building - good luck. You can either cop a squat even the floors aren't numbered correctly. You walk onto in the corner of a practice room or try and fire one out an open window, but anything outside of that, and you the main floor. Floor one? WRONG. It's floor two.

Even before the new building was constructed, the are doomed to hold it in. It is fully possible that there are old building was already divided into two wings: the east dozens of functioning washrooms in the music building, wing and the centre wing. The problems occur when we the problem lies in finding them. In my two years in the hit floors four and five (or should I say three and four?), - building, I have found three sets of washrooms. One set is where, due to the sadistic wish of the architects, the wings near the performance hall in the main building, and is only were split up. Want to get from C- 5 0 4 to E-5 12 ? Well you'd unlocked some of the time. Another set is way at the back have to go down two flights of stairs, run over to the other of the building and is the only reliable set in the building. wing, go up two flights of stairs, and then use your keycard The last set that I know of is a phantom pair that exists on on the door. This whole ballet, which should only take floor five some of the time, and disappear when you try about 2 0 seconds, can set you back more than three solid and look for them again. I have devised an equation for minutes if you're prone to wheezing.This general confusion predicting the appearance of the phantom bathrooms: of all the rooms in the building leads the way for.... [(Max running speed)(How badly you have to go)]2 = Problem number two: Room E-1 0 6 . This is the only (Volume of laughter when you don't quite make it) regularly-used main-stream classroom in the basement, (Length of urine stain on floor) and you had better hope you never have to use it. First of all, it is a cave lit with fluorescent lights and dingy low Some words of advice: pee .before you enter the ceilings. Second, it is roasting in there at all times, that is, fry-an-egg-on-the-floor roasting. Finally (and this is a curse building, or bring an empty bottle with you at all times. â– in disguise), it always, always smells of cookies. Not only C onor G raham

will this make you HATE cookies after about a week in this room, but it will add to the whole warm effect and make you sleepy as hell - valium sleep, not normal sleep. You never feel refreshed afterwards.

Problem number three: Override forms. As a music student, you will need to get these signed every semester.

You pick up the pink form outside of the student affairs office. Then you get the professor of the course you want to get into to sign it. Then you need the signatures of the following people: your academic advisor, the head of the department of the course you want to sign up for, your grandmother's fourth cousin Marie, and your best friend's

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Away M essage of the Week:

G o s s ip lo o k s p r e t t y in p i n k J oanna R eznick As we enter the first week of school feeling relaxed and refreshed after four months of summer, we tend to forget the horrors of midterms, papers and finals. Slowly but surely, though, the pressure of university starts to creep onto the shoulders of each and every one of us. Fortunately, there is a temporary relief to the anxiety caused by studying: procrastination. You do it. 1do it. The queen does it. Sometimes, in order to succeed in life one must procrastinate, leave things to the last minute, stress out and feel immense relief when the midterm or final or paper is completed. We do, however, have one advantage that the generation before us did not have--the Internet.

There are billions of Web sites out there, waiting to be explored as students across the planet avoid writing 10 -page papers on Shakespearean animalities. Fa cebo ok and M y S p a ce are fun, but when you get bored of stalking your friends, their friends and the hot guy in your bio lab, why not stalk celebrities? Pink is the N ew Blog is a Web site created by the flamboyant and sarcastic Trent Vargas, who doles out celebrity gossip weeks before it hits the newsstands.

Notonly does he post unseen pictures, controversial stories and television spoilers, he dishes the dirt with a wit that makes you giggle in the library.

Every afternoon, Vargas Updates his Web site with the latest and greatest news from Hollywood. Although he follows the lives of all celebrities, he tends to focus on the exploits of the younger generation of stars. While Vargas obviously respects Hollywood and all it has to offer, he still mocks superstars with a bright, tell-all, pink font. For example, a picture of Kevin Federline, Britney Spears' hubby, has a pink arrow pointing at his face reading "not hawt."

Aesthetically, the Web site does not have much to offer. A black background and pink font may be basic and even dull, but the pictures speak for themselves. Who needs an eye-catching font when you have a photo of Jake Gyllenhaal in spandex?

Although there are several gossip Web sites out there, Pink is the N ew Blog successfully satisfies the hidden voyeur lurking deep inside every politically and socially conscious undergrad. What is it about inconsequential celebrity gossip that intrigues so many of us? The romantic escapades of Tom Cruise and Britney Spears do not have any effect on the average student's life, but when schoolwork piles up... anything goes. If you're a People M a g a zin e or US Weekly reader, check out Pink is the New Blog instead of shelling out $ 4 at the dep. It's both fun and free.

Other Celebrity Gossip Contenders:

Ew. I JUST GOT A SINGLES E-MAIL. <PAUSE> HOW DID THEY KNOW? H ave a

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PEREZHILTON.COM THESUPERFICIAL.COM T M Z .C O M

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MCGILLTRIBUNE.COM

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Soup & Science hosted by the Faculty of Science. Come for the soup, stay for the science.

Undergraduates: Learn about cutting-edge research over lunch with cool profs.

CL Redpath Museum, 1 1 : 3 0 a.m. to 1 : 0 0 p.m. For more information, check out www.mcgill.ca/science/.

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12 • Student Living • 06.09.06

The McGill Tribune

W h e r e t o g o f o r s e x in t h is c it y A g u id e t o M o n t r e a l's b e s t s e x c o lu m n is t s E lizabeth P erle Name: Dan Savage Column Name: "Savage Love" Publication: Montreal's Hour magazine, Toronto's N ow magazine, Ottawa's XPress and numerous other publications across Canada and the United States.

Known for: Hosting a campaign to namea gay sexual act after an American senator that held homophobic beliefs. (Santorum : "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex") Best Advice: To always followthe abbreviation GGG -- being "good, giving and game"to every sexual partner.

Self-Described: "I'm like Dr. Phil, but a cocksucker," Raunchiest Topic Covered: Male farting as a sexual turn-on.

Name: Sasha (sometimes with the attached name: Von BonBon) Column Name: “Love Bites' Publication: Montreal's The Mirror, Toronto's Eye Weekly Background: A 35 year-old former stripper and the current front woman of a Toronto-based burlesque troupe called "The Scandelles".

Known for: her bitchiness, bluntness and accessibility.

Best Advice: "While you're having sex with her, ask her what she finds attractive about men... I call that killing two birds with one bone."

Raunchiest Topic Covered: Women who drink cum in cups.

Name: Josey Vogels Column Name: "My Messy Bedroorrfand“Dating Girl".

Publication: Montreal's Hour m a g a zin e, The M ontreal Gazette

and many other Canadian newspapers and magazines.

Known for: Being Canada's leading lady on sex and dating advice. » Best Advice: "If you're running into the battlefield, you want to have the right equipment."

Self-described: Just a regular girl, writing about sex in a "thoughtful rather than gratuitous" manner.

Raunchiest Topic Covered: Canine sex.

Name: Eve Thomas Column Name: "SexTalk" Publication: M ontreal Nightlife magazine Known for: Sex advice from a 2 0 -something point of view. Like Dr. Ruth without the training, wrinkles or authority to talk to school children about erections.

Stands out as: One of the few sex columnists who rarely writes about her own exploits (though friends are open game). She also loves horrible puns ('How about some T&A with the the TA.?') and coining her own terms ('seasonal singleton syndrome').

Self-described: "The newest and the cutest of the bunch!"

Best Advice: On sleeping with a teacher—"If you have a shred of doubt, try to wait'til school is out."

Raunchiest topic covered: Dwarves. Enough said.

TELUS STORES & AUTHORIZED DEALERS ____________ MONTRÉAL

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Y o u ’v e p ro b a b ly g o t to n s o f te x tb o o k s to p ic k u p at th e c a m p u s b o o k s to re , s o s o m e shelving m ig h t b e in order. W h a te v e r y o u ’re lo oking fo r this s ch o o l year, C a n a d ia n T ire has it. From h a n d y s to ra g e so lu tio n s for all th a t h e a v y re a d in g , to h ig h lig h te rs a n d c o ffe e m a k e rs so y o u c a n m a k e it th ro u g h c ru n c h tim e . S tra p p e d for c a s h ? Tell y o u r fo lk s a b o u t o u r re lo a d a b le g ift c a rd . A GREAT SCHOOL YEAR STA R TS A T C A N A D IA N T IR E .

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4 . Take up a new and random hobby. This is particularly useful if you're bored and low on cash. Need a new outfit? Try knitting. Just moved in and looking for furniture? Garage sales are the way to go.

5 . Ride the metro. All day. Imagine the people-watching possibilities.

6 . Lounge on lower field: get a tan, gawk at shirtless frosh-men and avoid skin cancer and/or jail... if you can.

7 . Have a picnic or a barbeque. Raining? No worries-bring an umbrella and hold an "under the sea"themed party. After enough booze, people will stop complaining.

8 . Go to the AMC and see one movie after another The more juxtaposition, the better the experience. Watching H o w to E a t Fried W orms after Beerfest is definitely an intriguing way to relive happy Frosh memories.

R achel M elnik Don't get me wrong- I love Frosh. What better way to start off the new academic year than to get magnificently intoxicated on lower field with thousands of your closest drinking buddies? Frosh is more than just a spectacle of drunken bliss; the organized drinking orgy certainly contains its moments of glory: sampling of a first years' first beer (mmm...Boréale), the blasting sound of megaphones heard from miles away, creative cheers (more beeeeer, more beer, more beer...) and the competitive spirit amongst the faculties.

But, all good parties must eventually come to an end and, unfortunately, so does Frosh. With the onset of the fall semester, the giant balloons on lower field have deflated, and the smell of beer has (for the most part) subsided.

Still feeling hungover? Or, even worse, feeling bored? If you're experiencing frosh withdrawal symptoms, don't despair! Classes have resumed, but that doesn't mean the fun is over. Montreal is one of the liveliest cities in the world.To help you recover from Post-Frosh Syndrome, Features has come up with a list of things to do in Montreal before midterms kick in.

b e fo re n o o n

1.

Tam Tams. If the sweet aroma of weed, grass (real grass) and dust isn't enough to lure you to Parc Mont Royal on Sunday afternoons, then the sight of dancing hippies and groovy musicians ought to do it.

2 . Go to Brunch. Roll down to Chez Cora on Avenue du Parc between Milton and Prince Arthur in pajama bottoms and last night's eyeliner or meet friends in heels and Lacoste polos at Cafeteria on StLaurent. Brunch in Montreal is more than just a meal; it is an event.

3 . Sit in a cafe while sipping coffee and feeling extremely chic.

Not into the commercial atmosphere of Second Cup? Try Cafe Imagination on the corner of Parc and Sherbrooke.

With a quirky staff, mellow music in the background and a giant ladle on the wall, this cozy little haunt is so relaxing that you will actually want to come back and study.

9 . It's still nice out! Visit Parc Lafontaine or Parc Maisonneuve. Play frisbee, fly a kite or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, climb a tree.

10. Check out some new venues: go hear some bands that you've never heard of before. Extra points if they play a style of music that you've never heard of.

11. Get cultured. Montreal has tons of museums and art galleries. The Musée des Beaux Arts always has an interesting exhibit. Currently on display: a collection of Inuit art. Been there, done that? Try exploring some of the galleries on Sherbrooke Street. You never know just what you'll find a sculpture of.

1 2 . Rollerblade in Old Port. Okay, maybe cobblestone isn't exactly the ideal pavement for rollerblading, but once you get used to the wobbling, the experience will be a thrill and a half.

F r o s h -d a m e n t a ls D r in k , la t h e r , r in s e a n d E lizabeth P erle ow. Ow. OW! W ho replaced the florescent lights with pointy, poin ty knives?

These are the thoughts running through poor little Gordon-the-Freshman's head the morning after his first night of Frosh week. If Gordon's waking thoughts are any indication, he is well on his way to achieving Frosh-Success.

Like his frosh leader explained the night before, McGill Frosh Week is just like freshman classes: the common belief that both are exclusively for first year students is an enormous misconception.

"Frosh week is like a rite of passage," a fifthyear bio-chem major quips as he sets up an IV drip to get his vodka more directly. "If you don't complete it properly, as far as I'm concerned, you must repeat it until you do."

How you do it right the first time, though, is what Gordon wants to know. Right on, Gordon.

Right

r e p e a t a s r e q u ir e d

on.

Flere are the ultimate McGill Frosh fundamentals, compiled from the stories of students of all ages and faculties. If you find that one or more of these were missing from your frosh experience, you are doomed to give it another go... or must sacrifice your left nut and/or ovary to the frosh Gods. ** note: although no real names have been included, every quote below is real.

Everyone is in the same drunken boat It is inevitable that everyone you meet in frosh week will share the same interests as you: "We both like liquids with bubbles," exclaims second-year-Sidney excitedly of her new friendship with Gordon. "But not beer.

Coke. Tequila counts,

You'll have the same experiences, too: "We both want to be doctors!" Sidney sloppily continues. "An Art History doctor and an Engineering doctor!”

Sometimes, you might even share a name: "I've renamed Gordo," explains Sidney seriously, "I've renamed everyone.To Paris Hilton. Because that's MY name."

Floorcest: How convenient!

"I was warned about floor-gies and floorgasms from all my older friends," an undisclosed fourth-year student recounts. "Then, when I (of course) did it, I remember thinking to myself, 'Wow. This is the shortest walk of shame I will ever have to do!"

"I agree," a guy (who is only known by his dorm-mates as "that guy") chimes in. "And, you know, I was actually able to get back my favourite I' heart boobs t-shirt the next day!"Score.'

Indiana Frosh Week and the Temple of Poon It's true, this is the week to "raid" some "lost arcs," but remember to always come prepared... because you never know when a ioft boulder will come rolling out.

Beware of "Frosh Friends" “My BFF (best-frosh-friend) told me that her psychic had foreseen us becoming friends. I thought that was SO cool!" Says a U2 Arts student, reflecting back on her experience.

"But now, whenever I see her, I wonder just what kind of Payote that woman must have been smoking."

More Cushion for the Pushin' The freshman 15 bursts into the scene during frosh week (just like your soon-to-be enormous ass). This weight gain is inevitable, and if you are not at least five pounds up by the end of the week, well, you've probably caught something.

"Baring" it all “Everyone must experience running around the Three Bares naked," insists a former 2001 frosh leader. "Or at least take some, shall-wesay, indecent pictures nearby." He is referring to the area by the Arts Building with the fountain, where various events, such as OAP, are known to take place. Why? It's grassy, it's wet and let's face it, those naked statues are kind of hot.

Where is my right eyebrow?

No, seriously guys. It's not funny any more.

What the hell happened after that game of truth-or-dare kings?

Avoiding the Coyote Fugly Evade those mornings when you'd rather gnaw off your own arm than wake up the unfortunate-looking person beside you. When none of your friends are sober enough to give you an opinion on the stranger you are taking home, there is always one option available: call dear old mom. Guaranteed, if you get her on the horn, she will impart such nougats of wisdom onto you as:"What time is it?", "Who IS this?"and "Well, is he a nice, Jewish doctor?"

And, if all else fails...

There is always SnoAP come winter time. Practice makes perfect, man. ■

06.09.06 • The McGill Tribune • 15

Cheap Meat F o r th e la zy v e g e ta ria n in all o f u s

13 . Go

to an A llouettes game; if th e y lose, you can still g e t trashed.

14. Check out th e street fairs. On Sept, g, head over to th e 10 th Annual Santropol Roulant Bazaar [& Street Fair], w here all proceeds from th e sales go to th e youth-driven, m eals-on-w heels organization. W h at can be better than buying som e chochkes and donating to a charity at th e sam e tim e?

1 5 . Go se e a play. For A n glo phone productions, traipse d o w n to th e C entaur theatre at 453 St. Francoise-Xavier in th e Old Port. The first show o f th e season, Candela's Table opens Oct. 5 .

1 6 . Listen to jazz concerts. The ja m sessions at Upstairs and Grum py's will perk you up b etter than a red bull w ith vodka.

17 . Go shopping! It's th e perfect tim e to w a n d e r around th e Jean Talon and A tw ater markets. You can always use another bottle o f expensive foreign olive oil.

1 8 . Six Flags La Ronde. There's m ore to this am usem ent park than just roller coasters-it's th e perfect post-Frosh getaw ay. M ad at your friend for hooking up w ith your Frosh soul mate? Take o u t your aggression on him or her in th e b u m p e r cart rink.

1 9 . Visit th e casino. N o w th at Frosh is over, you're well on your w ay to becom in g addicted to w atered d o w n beer and random m ake-o u t sessions. Well, n o w you can add gam bling to your list o f vices. Bored on a Saturday night? Call som e friends and m e e t up at th e Casino de M ontreal.

Frosh m ay be over, but the school year has just begun. As o f right now, there is no snow, no m idterm s and m inim al stress. You can still keep yourself th o rough ly entertained now th a t your plastic neon bracelet is in th etrash can . ■

CONOR G r a h a m This is for all th e U i students out there w h o are finally discovering th e joys o f having their o w n apartm ents.

A lthough you m ig h t miss th e glory days o f Rez, you will soon realize th e far superior nature o f living o ff cam pus.

O n e o f th e hardest things to adjust to is cooking your o w n food. As m uch fun as it is to finally be able to pick your o w n m enu, a lot o f people find cooking to be a pain in th e ...

R um p Roast. For those a m o n g us th a t really give 'er and th ro w meals together, I salute you. For th e o th er 97 per cent o f th e universe, there is an easier way. For th e lazy vegetarian in all o f us, th e solution lies on St. Laurent in th e form o f three “cachuteries''and a m eat-stitution.

If luncheon meats, decent cheeses, snotty condim ents and bulk pâté are your cravings o f th e day, you have to head to La Vieille Europe (3855 St. Laurent). Just up St-Laurent, near D uluth, this place is food snob heaven. As an added

bonus for chocolate snobs, not only does this shop have a m o re-thand ecen t selection o f cocoa products, but it is also o n e o f th e very fe w places in M ontreal w h ere you can buy Caliebault chocolate, hailed as the best C anadian-produced chocolate in th e world.

If price is really an issue, walk south to th e Boucherie Charcuterie Slovenia (36 53 St. Laurent) just across from th e candy store on St. Laurent, b etw een Pins and Prince-Arthur. The nice Eastern-European w o m an at th e front will stand ready, and all you have to say is "spicy salami,, spicy mustard" to find yourself in m ore tem po rary ecstasy th an any narcotic could produce. T hey also have som e o f the harder-to-find Q uebec cheeses and an excellent butcher section, if you ever have enoug h tim e to cook your ow n stuff.

Finally, to find m eat there is really only o n e place: Schwartz's (3895 St. Laurent), th e one and only, accept no substitutes. Cott's Cherry Cola is required, and for god's sake, if it's your first tim e, order lean. ■

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Becom ing Miss M ontreal ... And leaving Hollywood behind S h ir a n T e it e l b a u m G row ing up in Los Angeles, I found it difficult to envision life in M ontreal. It's similar to h o w m y fellow Canadians w h o haven't been to Southern California im agine H ollyw ood as a strictly glam orous haunt, w ith California girls gallivanting in their bikinis w h ile A bercrom bie m odels surf to class. This is n o t to say th a t I ever believed th e prevalent Great W h ite North clichés: th e snow -shrouded expanse w here Canadians guzzle beer, w orship hockey, and to u t "a-boot” and "eh" all day long. I suppose m y father, a native M on trealer himself, dispelled m e o f such nonsense by exposing m e to th e real stuff, such as Leonard C ohen, G ordon Lightfoot, C offee Crisp and o f course, Schwartz's brisket. I'm illegally forced to sneak this hunk o f m eat in m y suitcase every tim e I fly hom e, along w ith stashes o f 2 2 2 s — or else I am literally not w elco m e d back in th e house.

Still, I couldn't help b u t let m y ow n expectations run wild. Clad in stylish w h ite w in te r boots, a m atching coyote-ruffed Snow Goose parka and a darling pink tutu, I saw m yself skating d o w n a bustling d o w n to w n street w ith m y hair billow ing in a light w inter breeze. Perhaps, on m y w ay to m e e t a pal

for coffee, a bus w ould scurry by and splash m e w ith m u d d y slush (sound HBO familiar?) w hile cute boys pelted m e w ith snowballs. In this dream , not only did I have a Q uébécois boyfriend, b u t our rom antic escapades contrib uted to m y im m e d ia te fluency in French.

U pon arriving in M ontreal, th o u g h , I learned th a t I w ould have to overcom e any n u m b e r o f obstacles before becom in g Miss M ontreal. O n e o f th e first and m ost form idable, for m e, was th e need to grapple w ith a foreign public transportation system, an otherw ise m u n d a n e task th a t has triggered th e same bouts o f anxiety th a t m y m o m suffered after arriving from Israel, w h e n she found it necessary to m ake her w ay along six-lane freeways and four-level interchanges.

Back in sunny California, there is a definite divide b e tw e e n those w h o drive and those w h o m ust bus, bike, or (shudder) walk.

W here I lived, th e only o th e r reason people w alked was to lose w e ig h t or indulge th e dog.

Public transportation, w hich usually involves a route w ith o n e bus an hour th a t runs late and takes to o long to g e t anyw here w o rth going, is strictly for th e unw ashed. Better-heeled A ngelenos, in contrast, will pile into th e

fam ily Lexus for a ja u n t California's Six Flags to th e corner superm arket, M agic M ou ntain. In fact, organize intricate carpools it's probably a w h o le in platoon-sized H um m ers to lot safer: th e M agic schlep th e ir kids to endless M o u n tain parking after-school e n ric h m en t lot, in recent years, activities, or sim ply hire expensive has been th e staging babysitters to chauffer their ground for various precious progeny to acting gang shootings and workshops and auditions. stabbings.

In M ontreal, m y Moreover, I decided O ttaw a-b red cousin, th a t I've had it w ith th e m anager who also attends at Press Café giving m e lip for not McGill, invited m e to ordering m y latte en Français. I check o u t her .ap artm ent understand you need to speak French in th e Plateau.

She to w ork w ith th e public in this city, but couldn't help but notice m y w h y d o I need it to g et a latte? Isn't "café latte" French enough? Anyway, French reluctance to board a public bus."W ho does this prim a donna kissing certainly doesn't seem to be im proving m y linguistic prospects, so cabbing from th e G h e tto th in k she is?" m ust have been coursing through I'm signed up for Beginner's French on cam pus. It seems that, for her m ind. She was stunned to learn th a t I sim ply felt unsafe ju m p in g on th e m e, becom in g Miss M ontreal continually m eans th a t I N u m b e r 8 0 d o w n A venue Du Parc. m ust plunge m yself into After m y second sem ester at McGill, felt m ore attun ed to m y n ew surroundings. SHIRAN TEITELBAUM n ew and alien situations... ready or not. ■ Riding th e m etro n o w invokes pleasant m em ories o f riding roller coasters in Southern

A rts & Entertainment a c t iv it ie s

Montreal frills and thrills A b e g in n e r's g u id e to th e city 's o ffe rin g s For all you Montreal newcomers, the city may seem like a veritable maze of clubs, bars, restaurants, shops and special interest venues. To . help you sort it all out and comfortably navigate the Montreal waters according to your personal tastes and individual pursuits, A&E prepared an overview of Montreal's best outing possibilities.

So get off the couch, definitely rip up that frosh map, and enjoy.

Le Divan Orange 4234 Boulevard St-Laurent Founded in 2 0 0 4 , LeDivan Orange is a hipster m edley o f en tertain m en t and food. It is a w ell-priced vegetarian café for lunch and dinner, w ith delicious and colourful dishes. For a lighter m eal, choose from a selection o f inventive salads and sandwiches, such as th e sweet, exotically nam ed Le Bourrelet d'amour, packed w ith pears, hazelnuts, cam em b ert and dark chocolate. A creative atm osphere, w ith com fo rtable couches -as the restobar's nam e w o u ld suggestcom pletes this dining experience.

In th e evenings Le Divan is also o n e o f th e best places to check out em erging and unique music, hosting everything from jazz to country groups in its perform ance space. Co­ o w n e r Caroline sums up th e venue's goal as creating'a small scene for small bands.” Le Divan is built on a worker's co-operative concept, so all proceeds from suggested cover charges are split am ongst th e perform ers.

U pcom ing events include a secondyear anniversary spectacle on Sept. 23 .

T h e show starts at 8 p.m . and promises to be a m ore than m em o rab le night.

Dollar Cinema 6900 Décarie Square G o t extra change? A little goes a long w ay at th e Dollar Cinem a, w h ere tw o theatres show a n g lo p h o n e second-run flicks for a loonie a show. You can spend th e leftover change on satisfying just a b o u t any m ovie food craving, as th e cinem a offers som e hot food on to p o f th e m ore usual film fare o f popcorn and Glosettes. This suburban g e m o p e n e d in 2 0 0 4 and is located at th e N am ur m etro, tucked in th e upstairs o f a cheesy strip m all.The th eatre decor is from th e eighties, th e popcorn vendor, usher and box office salesman are all one person, but that's at least half o f th e fun.

A special upcom ing event is a Stars on stage breast cancer fundraiser night on Sept. 2 9 from 7 p.m. until m idnight, w h e n tickets will be a w hopping... $2 each. H alf o f th e proceeds go directly tow ards Breast Cancer research, and special perform ances will be included w ith th e m ovie admission. Visit www.dollarcinema.com for show inform ation and directions.

Pretentious g o u rm e t breakfast at its best. If you can stand to be around th e o th e r patrons for an hour w ith o u t turning into a bourgeois snob by osmosis, th e food here is w all-to -w all delicious. Breakfast portions are tasty and copious, as.LAvenue serves up th e best eggs Benedict and baked potatoes (killer herbs) in th e city. Situated ju st east o f th e M ont-Royal m etro, it's a bit o f a hike from th e G hetto, but th e w alk (and th e likely w ait outside th e jo int) is w ell w o rth it once th e ultim ate com fo rt food hits your stom ach.

—Crystal Chan

—Ben Lemieux

I

—< r L'Avenue 922 Avenue Mont-Royal E.

P O P R H E T O R IC

My opinion is better than your opinion

t's a conversation we've all had before. You're sitting w ith one o f your indie, Mile-End hipster friends at Bagel's Etc. finishing o ff th e rem ainder o f your baked potatoes and, m isfortunate as you are to be hung-over, you m ake th e cognitively unsound decision to utter aloud, "D u d e ... Leonard Cohen's music fucking sucks."

Mistake.

Faster than you've ever seen a quasi-alcoholic m ove into action, your spirited friend makes th e leap to to w n pride overdrive, accusing you o f having an overblow n superiority com plex. "That's just your fucking opinion, m an. You have to go on stating th at shit as fact? Am I not allow ed to enjoy Leonard Cohen's music just because 'M r-the-ultim ate-b aro m eterfor-what-sucks' over here can't grapple w ith th e fact th at som ething he believes in could possibly be wrong?"

And so you think to yourself, "Shit. M y friend hasn't showered in three days, but he m ay be right. M aybe it was pom pous o f m e to state m y opinion as fact. M aybe I should cut th a t shit out."

Today I'm here to tell you th a t you absolutely, positively should not cut th at shit out.

We've reached a day and age w here words like "indie," "expressionism," or even "music" have becom e such um brella

. . . . . . . . . . . ........... . <

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term s th a t p eople feel th e only barom eter by w hich to evaluate artistry is one's o w n opinion o f it. And if that isn't pom pous, I don't know w h a t is.

Fact is, there are (and always o u g h t to be) objective criteria by w hich all music, film and visual art can be ju d g ed qualitatively. W e've just grow n so accustom ed to this"individual opinion m atters"m um bo-jum bo th at w e've b ecom e lazy in our appraisals. Picture th e same scenario described above, except this tim e instead o f buckling like a belt w hen verbally attacked, th ro w back a punch.

"I never said you w eren't allow ed to enjoy Leonard Cohen's m u s ic ... just so long as you recognize th at it indisputably sucks harder than Anna Nicole Smith in a room full o f millionaires."

Indisputably, m uthafucka! N o w you've got his attention.

"I m ean, th e dude's a great poet, don't get m e w rong, but he can't bloody sing. And don't give m e th a t 'well, it's part of th e charm ' crap because you w on't m e e t a single person on this planet w h o w ouldn't rather hear Jeff Buckley sing one of his tunes than th e m an himself. Gravelly voice m y ass. It's like having sandpaper draw n across your exposed kidneys. M ig h t even be tolerable Q 9 2 listening, but his use o f backup vocals is tackier and m ore needlessly overused than Eric Clapton's, and th e instrum ental parts are soulless and uninspired."

at

B e n L e m ie u x

And there you have it. His opinion means nothing because you've laid do w n th e facts. Som eone w ith less than an octave vocal range and m onotonous delivery is a bad singer. Excessive gospel backup vocals are tedious and just plain tasteless.

Uninspired music is, well, uninspired.

The same goes for film and theatre. Be analytical, ask yourself: is th e cam era w ork distinct and inventive? Are the perform ances credible and do th ey appropriately reflect the intentions of th e work? Does th e screenplay have loose ends and frivolous dialogue or is it a tightly-w oven piece? Has proper attention been paid to set decoration and costum ing? Do th e actors m ake good use o f and react suitably to their space and surroundings?

In brief, this is a prom pt o f sorts. Don't just accept w hatever th e Am erican Film Institute says. Instead, take th e initiative to ask a Concordia film student w hy Citizen Kane is indeed one of th e m ost form idable films o f th e past century. It is im portant to take th e initiative to know what's w h at w hen it com es to art, as opposed to just falling back upon m ere opinions. Paying even cursory attention to th e small details in art/film /m usic history can drastically enhance your ability to m easure th e subtle difference b etw een good art and m erely average works. That and you w on't have to feel guilty over breakfast anym ore. ■

06.09.06 • The McGill Tribune • 17

Previews

Comedy Nest: 2313 Rue Ste-Catherine O. Thou gh it doesn't have th a t heart-w arm ingly claustrophobic, w orn-in, urban appeal th a t w e all love in a co m ed y club, th e C om ed y Nest houses som e o f th e finest com ic talen t in th e city and from abroad. A cool place to reserve for large groups and events, th e Nest is th e frequent lodging o f M ontreal favourites, such as M ike Patterson, Scott Faulconbridge, Jacko Alston and Freddy James.

Theatre. New Classical Theatre Fest: Hamlet (Solo), until Sept. 9 ; Theatre St-Catherine (2 6 4 St-Catherine E.). Blink an eye and you'll miss the closing night of the showcase piece from this year's New Classical Theatre Fest, a Gravy Bath Productions and Montreal Young Company that aims to stage innovative salutes to the classics. At just three years old, the festival's progress has been a marvel to track and this year is the most exciting yet.

Hamlet (Solo) is a one-man show by Raoul Bhaneja that is a surprisingly fresh portrayal of the most formidable role in all English theatre. And as if Hamlet weren't enough, Bhaneja will go through 1 6 more roles before the play ends, all sans props. Some might call this mind-boggling feat madness, but there is a method to it. Call 5 4 0 -0 7 7 4 for more information.

—BL Patati Patata 4177 Boulevard St-Laurent This hole in th e wall diner is a M ontreal treasure. The nam e m eans som ething along th e lines o f "etc., etc.," and th e m enu is filled w ith little pleasures from m ini desserts to m ini fries.

For under $5 you can enjoy one of the house specialty mini-burgers with fries and salad ortry the delicious borscht. All ofthefood is homemade and freshly prepared in front of your eyes. While your waiter/cook prepares your patatine, a perfect mix between poutine and veggies, feel free to chat with them about odd customers just like old buddies. There is often a wait for seats, as the diner seats less than 2 0 patrons. Order takeout if pressed for time because Patati Patata will not disappoint.

Definitely the best bang for your buck.

— CC

Le Massillia 4543 Avenue du Parc

Laser Quest 1226 Rue Ste-Catherine O.

Students from abroad know full well that being away from home can oftentimes be a disheartening experience. Fortunately, many students from the United States can return home over long weekends, even regular weekends for you New Englanders. Le Massillia, the latest addition to Avenue du Parc's mountainside strip,; is the closest thing a.Frenchman has to home. Serving up the Ricard until the wee hours, Le Massillia became a well-lauded French haven; during the 2 0 0 6 World Cup, and mere months after its opening it was considered by most French Montreal press to be the no. 1 location to view the final match. Located near the Plateau heartland, airing plenty of French league matches during the on-season and boasting a challenging boulodrôme out back, Le Massillia is the perfect place for McGill's French contingent to unwind.

For the geek in all of us, Laser Quest was originally a British company that hit the North American market in the mid-1 9 9 0 s. The Montreal branch has a three-storey maze and laser guns with enough heft to bash a couple of little kids senseless, it's Plenty of fun for the whole family. Look out for monthly Nuit Blanche.soirees, which run from closing until 6 a.m. and sometimes span throughout the whole building. Throw in some Ecstasy and you've got yourself a pretty fucked up trip for $3 0 , if that's your thing.

—BL

— BL Rockaberry 4275 Rue St-Denis and other locations

Music. The Black Eyed Peas, Sept. 12 , 7:30 p.m.; the Bell Centre Rue De La Gauchetière Oj.This may be your last chance to see Fergie and crew while they are still under one name.The funkified hip-hop ensemble from Los Angeles is touring their latest album, Monkey Business, which garnered four Grammy nominations. They will be in town this coming Tuesday night for one performance only. Grab the chance to let loose to "Don't Phunk With My Heart,'"'Pump lt"and all those other lusciously groovy songs you've wrinkled your nose distastefully at after they've played for the hundredth time on the radio - but that you secretly love. Also performing with them will be Rhianna and Swollen Members. Visit www.bellcentre.ca for more information.

(126 0

Film. Hollywoodland, opens Sept. 8. In his latest comeback attempt, Ben Affleck plays George Reeves, star of the mid­ century Superman TV series, whose strange suicide story stole headlines and shook up the tangled world of 1 9 5 0 s Hollywood.

Diane Lane turns in a strong performance as his aging lover in the first of the post-summer, pre-Oscar string of movies that everyone will be talking about. This mystery thriller, which was premiered in Montreal at the International Film Festival, also stars Adrien Brody as a private eye investigating the possibilities of foul play in Reeves' death. Just as in the best of post-mortem biopic, Citizen Kane, the dramatics of the mystery story are less than absorbing compared to the raw documentation of the everyday life of a man behind a superhero. No Citizen Kane, but a good popcorn-munching movie that you will definitely pull up as cocktail party conversation.

Art. Photographic and Video Im ages in C ontem po rary C anadian Art, until Oct. 22 ; M ontreal M useum o f Fine Arts (1379 Sherbrooke Street Pavilion). This free exhibit, exclusive to th e M ontreal M useum o f Fine Arts, o p ened in m id -su m m er and there are tw o m onths left to catch it.

Bringing th e best o f th e MMFA, th e National A rt Gallery and th e A rt Gallery o f O ntario to g eth er for th e first tim e, it focuses on som e o f th e big nam e m odern photographers such as Jeff Wall and Michael Snow, as well as featuring works from up and com ing genxers._The works explore western society th ro u g h its outlets and m edium s o f expression such as pop culture. Works are them atically divided into tw o forms: th e portrait and th e landscape. The result is a look at identity, beauty and m ytho logy th a t is MV lift at tim es com ic, ironic or inform ative.

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Desserts are taken to a n e w level at Rockaberry's, h om e o f th e m ost scrum ptious apple pie in to w n . Bite into a h o t brown sugar crum ble crust covering a m ountain (each pie contains a b o u t 10 fresh apples) o f cin n am o n -b ath ed fruit slices. For just $11.9 5 you can o w n a nine-inch d iam eter piece o f heaven; $4 .2 5 will buy a quarter slice.The fam ous chain o p e n e d its first location, a neighbourh ood café on St. Mary's, in 1 9 8 9 and began selling apple pies w ith crusts m ade o f sugar, flour and a secret ingredient. To th e co m p lete surprise o f its ow ners, th e cafe quickly tu rn ed into a M ontreal p h en o m en o n and n o w has six locations across th e city.

On Fridays and Saturdays Rockaberry stays open until 1 a.m., so you can satisfy late night cravings or bring a treat back to the apartment sure to revive any party creeping towards the post­ mortem stage.The café has close to 25 varieties of pie, serves lunch and dinner items, and even has a wide variety of wines available.

So make a meal of it, but remember to save room for dessert perhaps sample the kitchen's newest creation, a S'more pie.

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—CC Les Foufounes Electriques 87 Rue Ste-Catherine E. With a peculiar name that translates to something like the "electronic butt," you know this isn't your run of the mill hangout.

Foufs is on Ste-Catherine's between Rue Berger and Rue de Bullion and has a loyal crowd of regulars enjoying the huge space, complete with a semi-patio where you can still enjoy a cigarette. It has a grungy and buzzing atmosphere, perfect for knocking back cheap beers and enjoying local music. Simulating the best punk house party you could ever hope to crash, the place has three levels pounding with different music and is spattered with pool and foosball tables. For those who crave an unpretentious, low-key and low-price venue, Foufs is the way to go. ’ — CC

Festival. Magic of Lanterns, Sept. 8 - Oct. NOWAISOGtT TOURYOKEMESSAGES 31 ; Montreal STE-MAIU Bo t a n i c a '■■■•real's 1st Indepsttdeitf Vein Mall Gardens (4101 service from Sherbrooke E). Unknown to most, COREM T E 1 E C 0 M U N I C A I I 0 N S Montreal's Botanical Gardens contain No* you coo rent o Voice Moil service fot os little os per rnontlt, for less expensive than instaHtng the largest Chinese garden outside $5.95* 02nd line!

Asia. It's being put to good use during • totefty ceniUeatial private iterate with tIH sccess the annual lantern fest, where until 9 • for commentai or persons! purposes • Stores op to SO messages for as long as 14 èoys p.m. daily visitors will be able to enjoy • 90-secoai pteet/pj • Messages up ta 7 minutes the Chinese Celebration themed • ieseiars callers on tie lits t tins displays and events. While strolling • Coo a a tlif year piper aI messages received : through the five outdoor lantern • M l-sctet feotore displays, get a taste of Chinese pastries Fra» 10 d ay no risk tria l and enjoy listening to and examining a variety of classical Chinese instruments (514) 487-5000 assembled at the Friendship Pavillion.

5 ) 8 0 Avsnue Gatineau The lanterns are all handmade in ( mét ro Côte-des-Neiges) Shanghai. Not to be missed.

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18 • Arts & Entertainm ent • 06.09.06

FILM

Lights out at Cinema du Parc N o m o re fre e p o p c o rn T raci Jo h n s o n

A ugust 3 w asad ark,d arkd ayfo rfilm buffs in Montreal. Basem ent-dwelling Cinem a du Parc screened one last show, Eraserhead, and closed its doors, leaving the city sans English-language repertory theatre. A McGill-student favourite and M ontreal institution, Cinem a du Parc showcased an impressive array of in dependent and avant-garde films.

Former Parc em ployee Dan Stefik said he was unsurprised by th e cinem a's closure.

"I had access to th e grosses and had noticed a trend m yself over th e last tw o years, and there was no doub t about it th at the trend was negative," Stefik explained.

In a July press release, ow ner Daniel Langlois Group cited "major marketshare changes"as th e reason for shutting down.

The ability o f m egaplex theatres, specifically th e AMC, to gobb le up m arket share is at least partially to blam e for th e Parc's downfall. In th e past tw o years, th e AM C has ventu red into territory traditionally controlled by smaller film houses, screening m ore indie flicks and foreign-language films.

And w hile th e AM C and other big-box theatres may choose to screen independent films w ith th e potential for large-scale ticket sales, smaller film distributors w ith slim publicity budgets have little chance o f finding mainstream success at the megaplexes.

"It's hard for th e little com panies to com pete and avoid being boug ht up by th e m ore profitable corporations,” Stefik noted."I can tell you, at th e end, th e three cinemas at Cinem a du Parc w ere usually showing films by just a few distributors th a t are based in Canada. So, as far as the exhibition aspect o fth e film industry goes, there's no doub t th a t it's veering towards a m onopoly in term s o f m arket share. And th a t hurts little independent filmmakers and com panies w h o are trying to get alternative ideas or visions out there to th e people."

McGill English professor and film teacher Derek Nystrom stressed that the shuttering o f Cinem a du Parc elim inated one o fth e main outlets for A nglophone arts in M ontreal. "It's ludicrous," he replied w hen asked about th e Parc's closing. 'Can you w rite th at I couldn't stop weeping?"

For now, students will have to shell out $io and walk outside o f the G hetto to see a show on th e big screen.

However, th e theatre on A venue du Parc has changed owners before, and th e space could turn into a cinem a - o f som e type - again.

"The rumours I've heard, th a t the space m ight turn into a second-run theatre playing blockbuster movies like Superman Returns six weeks after they com e out... there's no need for th at in Montreal. But there is an incredible, pressing need for a repertory cinema," Nystrom said. ■

WORLOPREMIERE O c t.. 5 - 2 9 , 2 006

Part Two of'A Carpenter'sTrilogy' ByVITTORIO ROSSI

ENGLISH-LANGUAGEWORLDPREMIERE Nov. 2 - Dec. 3. 2006

By MICHELTREMBLAY Translated by Linda Gaboriau

Feb, 1st

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By WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

By HAROLD PINTER

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06.09.06 • Arts & Entertainment • 19

www.mcgilltribune.com

MUSIC

Keeping the Klezmer Beat R o c k in g th e p a st a t K le z K a n a d a Ezra G linter In 1 9 8 0 , w h en Dr. Hy G oldm an first broug ht Boston's Klezmer C onservatory Band to M ontreal, not m any people believed that, th e nearforgotten musical tradition o f Klezmer could be revived. Roughly defined as th e music o f Eastern European Jewry, Klezmer had all b u t disappeared after th e Second W orld War. "No o n e knew anything about th e music," says G oldm an. "It had essentially died."

Since th a t tim e, however, Klezmer has experienced a pronounced re­ birth d u e to th e efforts o f organizers such as G oldm an and th e musicians he prom oted. KlezKanada, a sum m er festival o f Yiddish art and culture, is certainly o n e o f th e m ost exciting m anifestations o f th e Klezm er revival.

Founded by G oldm an in 1 9 9 6 , KlezKanada hasgrow n from a w eekend retreat into a w eeklong event, w hich to o k place this year b etw een Aug. 2 0 and 2 7 . Located on th e spacious and

picturesque grounds o f C am p B'nai Brith in Lantier, Q uebec, th e festival d rew alm ost 5 0 0 people, including 6 0 faculty m em bers. Thou gh m any o f th e attendees are locals, KlezKanada is truly an international event, attracting participant from all over N orth and South Am erica, Europe and Israel. The festival also sponsors approxim ately t 2 0 scholarship students w h o com e from as far aw ay as Russia, Ukraine, Bélarus and Estonia.

W hile th e m ain focus o f KlezKanada is music, th e program also includes dance, dram a, visual arts and folk crafts, language, literature and film. As G oldm an explains, the goal o f th e festival is to "m aintain the 1,0 0 0 year-old Ashkenazic civilization by bringing th e music and culture together." Given both th e energy and diversity o f th e festival and its participants, both o f these goals are being reached. As KlezKanada fellow and Brooklyn clarinet player M ichael W inograd states, "I don't see it as a revival anym ore - 1see it as living."

In addition to KlezKanada's many

2 0 0 6

workshops and discussion groups, one o f th e festival's m ain attractions are th e nightly concerts and cabarets, w h e re im p ro m p tu perform ances and jam s are not uncom m on. Highlights from this year included perform ances by celebrated Klezmer personality Theod ore Bikel, w h o played th e lead in th e 1971 film version o f Fiddler on the Roof, and legendary pianist Irving Fields, renow n ed for his 1 9 S9 KlezmerLatin fusion album Bagels and Bongos.

Guest celebrities aside, KlezKanada also boasted its o w n world-class faculty, including artistic directors and Klezm er pioneers M ichael A lpert o f Brave O ld W orld and Jeff W arschauer o f th e Klezm er C onservatory Band.

This year th e festival was also pleased to include McGill's o w n Professor o f Cello, M a tt Haim ovitz.

Thou gh KlezKanada has by n o w grow n to reach its m axim um capacity, its organizers and participants already have o th e r projects in th e w orks.'The focus n o w is on outreach," explains G oldm an. Efforts include a record label, w hich has already released a faculty a n th o lo g y album , and additional educational program s are in th e works. G oldm an also hopes to put to g e th e r a KlezKanada faculty band th a t will go on tour, th o u g h plans have y e t to be finalized.

"We're in a renaissance right now," G oldm an proclaims. "The music itself has taken hold." ■

Reviews

COMPILED BY BEN LEMIEUX

Ray Lamontagne - Till the Sun Turns Black. Lam ontagne's m esm erizing d eb u t, Trouble, was one o f th e m ost critically lauded sleeper hits o f 2 0 0 4 , landing spots on a variety o f film and TV soundtracks and rocketing him into folk-rock stardom . Since then, Lam ontagne has been on a seem ingly ceaseless to u r schedule— d ropp ing by M ontreal th ree tim es in th e past year. A second studio release w ithin less than tw o years o f his d e b u t spelt likely disaster to m any Lam ontagne fans.

M any anticipated a label-pressured release, bearing to o m uch resem blance to Trouble to hold its o w n and suffering from hastened song w riting and production.

Few w ere expecting th e kind o f artistic m erit, poetry and sheer genius Till the Sun Turns Black effortlessly exudes. W hereas Trouble hinged on Lam ontagne's em o tive and poignant vocal deliveries and rather classic, tried-and-true folkrock arrangem ents, Till the Sun is a far m ore subdued work, w hich is hardly as palatable upon first listen b u t has m ore captivating subtleties and undertones than any other album released in recent m em ory. Producer, m ulti-instrum entalist and lo ng-tim e collaborator Ethan Johns colours every song on this album w ith .sinuous guitar w ork and graceful string arrangem ents, even bringing a full horn section into th e studio for th e bluesy "You Can Bring M e Flowers.” Lam ontagne's delivery rem ains understated and restrained thro u g h o u t, th e polar opposite o f w h a t generated buzz for Trouble, but a style w hich Till th e Sun is so gorgeously plotted around. This alb um lives up to its predecessor w hile sim ultaneously escaping th e carbon-copy syndrom e th at m any s ophom ore album s will face. A sublim e, m oving and unforgettable listen. z j b b Gosling - Here is... If you can w rap your m ind around th e notion l a W K I I o f parallel universes, im agine one in w hich th e Doors form ed in ■ 0 th e early 21 st century and was poised to cham pion th e indie.5 rock scene. That, in a nutshell, is w h at Gosling is all about. A reincarnation o f W ashington hard-rock act Louderm ilk, Gosling's m ello w er and m ore stylistically diverse full-length d e b u t is an utterly engrossing alb um . Thou gh not g eared tow ards m ainstream listening audiences, this is real musician's music, and th e best you're likely to hear these days. Songs like "W orm W altz"and "W aiting for th e Sun" have playful guitar and piano lines, contrasted by singer/guitarist Davey Ingersoll's quirky but p o ten t vocal turns. Gosling conveys th e m ajesty o f Q ueen and offers som e Beatlesian vocal harmonies, but th ro u g h careful production and plain ol' punk-rock spirit, retains a gritty, urban, rock-till-you-drop m ystique, especially on th e swift, relentless, fuzzed-out thrasher "The Glass is Em pty.'These guys pick up w h ere th e Strokes left off, and have no trouble filling th e 2 1 st century rock and roll shoes.

Gosling plays live Saturday, Sept. 9 at the Green Room, 5 3 9 0 St-Laurent. Call 5 1 4 for more information.

4 9 5 -4 4 4 8

For further information visit w w w .

KlezKanada— classic genre given a fresh, vivacious soul.

B /W

—www.allmusic.com

klezkanada.com

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Sports

F O O T B A L L P R E V IE W

Redmen ready to rebound F o o tb a ll te a m lo o k s to e ra s e m e m o rie s o f la st s e a s o n C harlie B lore C om ing o ff w h a t can only be described as th e w orst year in th e football program's history, there's really now h ere for th e R edm en to g o but up. On th e field th e te a m finished a dismal 1 -7 , but th a t was only th e tip o f th e iceberg. Instead it was th e black eye th e franchise suffered as a result o f th e team's hazing scandal w hich will be rem em bered as th e legacy o f th e '0 5 edition of Redm en Football.

But w ith a fresh start com es renew ed optim ism and Head Coach Chuck M cM an n , for one, w o u ld rather leave th e past behind.

“It's behind us, it'sg o n e"M cM an n said."Our expectations are to be in th e playoffs and w in a playoff gam e. That's our goal for this year."

Veterans will lead the way Thisyear'ssquad boastsa good m ix o fy o u th and experience, returning all but th ree o f last year's starters on offense. A m on g th e big names back are 2 0 0 4 all-conference quarterback M a tt Connell and running back Michael Sam m an as well as guard Ben Walsh and slotback Greg H eatherington— both o f w h o m w ere selected to th e 2 0 0 6 CIS East-West Bowl gam e.

W ith th e offensive nucleus intact, m uch m ore will be expected. Last year, Connell, H eatherington and Sam m an all missed tim e, resulting in an offense th a t perform ed well yet at tim es seem ed out o f sync.

"M att Connell should have a great year and Greg H eatherington is in his final year, that's usually your good year as a receiver," M cM ann said. "I think our strength again w ould be offence. W e should be potentially even better than w e w ere last year."

Aside from all th e veteran leadership th e group could also feature as m any as six freshm en, including a pair o f highly to u te d recruits in receiver Patrick D odd and offensive linem an Paul Reinlein. Also, look for young receivers Tim Kraemer and Erik Galas to take on a bigger responsibility w ith th e team . Both show ed their w o rth in lim ited roles last season and should be relied on m ore this year.

Lots of fresh faces A team is only as strong as its w eakest link, and last year it was McGill's inability to stop th e opposition. They struggled all year to g e t stops

S

at key m om en ts b u t m ore to th e point, th ey failed to g e t pressure on opposing quarterbacks and w ere abysm al against th e run.

"As far as last year, it's just like football. If you m ake a m istake on o n e play, you have to forget ab o u t it so you can g e t back and m ake a big play to redeem yourself" said linebacker Jean-Nicholas Carrière.

That being said, m aybe it's a blessing th a t only four o f last year's starters have returned.

Better still is th e news th a t a m ong last year's starters it w ould be hard to pick o u t anyone w h o perform ed b e tte r th e n th e four w h o have returned.

Carrière and David Riendeau are back to lead a talented linebacking corps w hich could turn o u t to be th e defence's strength.

Both show ed play m aking ability last season notching a co m b in ed 5 1 5 tackles, th ree forced fum bles, one fu m b le recovery, o n e sack, one interception and a blocked field goal, and all this in just six gam es.

"As a defence, th e m ain th in g is just aggressiveness," Carrière said. "We're going to be a faster defence th e n anything else, not th e biggest but definitely fast."

The secondary, m eanw hile, will be young and inexperienced. The group is anchored by safeties Dan St. M ichael and A nthony Lucka w h o com bin ed for five picks last season. But th e loss o f corners A ddley D ufour-M onice and Frederik M artin will hurt th e m ost as both w ere solid last season.

"We're going to be young" M c M a n n said.

"But that's ok; it m eans we'll g e t better as th e year goes on. It's hard to tell n ow but w e could have tw o or three freshm en starting on defence.”

Playoffs within reach of Redmen A favourable schedule could certainly help as th e te a m will play low ly Bishop's tw ice as well as St. Francis X avier-ag ain st w h o m th e Redm en earned their only '0 5 victory— and a dismal M t. Allison side th a t finished last season 0 - 8 . In addition, th e tw o biggest gam es o f the year, against C oncordia and Sherbrooke don't VLADIMIR EREMIN c o m e until O cto b er w hich should give the young defence a chance to g e t it's footing. If Redm en w ill look to start th e season off strong ag ain st a rebuilding Bishop's team this th e y don't, it could be an o th er long year for th e Satu rday in Lennoxville.

Redm en. ■

T H IR D M A N IN

No style points for so ccer

occer, football, th e beautiful gam e; w h atever you w a n t to call it, it's a sport suffering from a debilitating illness. O ne sym ptom o f this illness is players flying through th e air w h e n e v e r th ey are so m uch as grazed by an opposing player in a pathetic, yet all to o often fruitful, a tte m p t to d raw th e referee's attention. I call i t . . .divearosis.

M ost recently th e disease transform ed this summer's W orld C up from w h a t should have been a beautiful and entertaining e v e n t into an at tim es alm ost laughable display o f acting and poor sportsm anship.

In all, th e 2 0 0 6 W orld C up produced 3 4 5 yellow and 28 red cards, sm ashing th e previous records. It should also be noted th at both those previous records w ere also set in th e diving era w hich has taken o ff in th e last decade.

In th a t short tim e, diving has already changed th e gam e. A significant portion o f soccer's appeal is based on flow. At its best, it is a gam e o f continuous and suspenseful action. But increasingly it has b eco m e a slow and choppy affair, punctuated by a surplus o f stops and starts.

Brazil,the m ost successful nation in th e history o fw o rld

soccer, has always built their g a m e around a slow building attack based on short passes and continuous m o v e m en t o f players o ff th e ball. N ot surprisingly, this is w h y th e y are one o f th e team s least likely to be seen diving. W h en a foul is c o m m itte d against th e Brazilians it is not u n co m m o n to see th e m sim ply put th e ball back in play rather th e n kill their m o m e n tu m by preparing a set piece.

This is also th e reason th e y are th e only rem aining te a m w h o is consistently entertaining to w atch. M ost team s at this past W orld C up relied on long ball tactics or brisk runs up th e wings in hopes o f being able to set up a free kick from a dangerous area or a penalty shot. O ne need look no further then th e cham pio n Italians. The Azzuri continually played as m any as ten players behind th e ball w hile only creating offence by draw ing penalty shots (see w in over Australia) and set pieces (see w in over France).

So what's to be done? H o w do w e cure th e beautiful g a m e from its malady? FIFA is currently looking into possible rule changes such as bringing on a second referee or allow ing for 3 yellow cards before a red is produced. But this sounds like reasoning so foolish it w o u ld m ake th e

C harlie B lore

NHL's co m p etitio n co m m ittee proud.

Instead I propose a sim ple solution; exorbitant punishm ent. If a player is found guilty o f diving, assess him w ith a m in im u m three m atch suspension. If th e referee initially misses it, review th e call after th e fact and punish th e offender accordingly. Essentially, give th e diver a penalty th a t w ould surely m ake a player think tw ic e before diving; in a to u rn am en t like th e W orld Cup, three m atches is an eternity.

In addition, each team should be allow ed tw o video challenges per g a m e — à la NFL— so th a t th e referee m ay review th e play and decide if his initial decision was appropriate. If a player is guilty o f diving he w ould receive an autom atic yellow card plus th e aforem en tioned three m atch suspension.

It's tough, but quite frankly, it's necessary. W e can not let th e beautiful g am e die on th e operating table.

Desperate tim es call for desperate measures, and anyone w h o saw th e round-of-sixteen m atch b etw een Portugal and th e N etherlands in w hich tw e n ty cards w ere issued, will tell you th a t th e tim es, th ey are a desperate. ■

06.09.06 «The McGill Tribune • 21 P R O F IL E — J E A N -N IC O L A S C A R R IÈ R E

Small town boy makes big-time plays T h ird -y e a r lin e b a c k e r w ill le a d y o u n g R e d m e n d e fe n c e A a r o n S ig a l If you're a sports fan, you've stayed up at night fantasizing ab o u t scoring th e w inning goal in th e Stanley C up finals or hitting th e W orld Series w alk-o ff shot. If you're a football fan, thoughts inevitably gravitate tow ards becom in g a speedy w id e receiver or a star quarterback. O n th e gridiron, offence puts your nam e in lights.

N ot for Jean-Nicolas Carrière. D efence has catapulted him to th e forefront o f th e McGill Redm en football team , and to th e to p o f CIS University d e p th charts. For him , football isn't ab o u t th e flash and glam ou r o f offence; rather, th e Redm en star linebacker is a throw back player, o n e w h o relishes th e b o n e ­ crunching tackle over th e stylish touchdow n.

"I love blitzing th e quarterback m ore than anything," Carrière said. "Personally, gettin g to th e quarterback is probably b etter than a tou ch d o w n . G oing after th e QB just makes it for me. I think that's w h y people put m e at linebacker. I just love hitting."

A nd hit he does. Last season, Carrière spearheaded both th e Redm en defence and linebacking corps, leading McGill w ith an impressive 2 9 tackles— 3.5 for negative yardage— in only five gam es. N ot only does he excel in th e brutal elem ents, but he is also blessed w ith im pulsive football skills as well. He has striking instincts th a t allow him to act as a significant playm aker on D. This "nose for th e ball" coupled w ith impressive speed allow ed Carrrière to pick up an interception as well as a forced fu m b le last season.

In listing im pact players on th e 2 0 0 6 edition o f th e Red 'n' W hite, Coach Chuck M cM an n im m ediately singles o u t Carrière as a force in th e group.

"I'd like to see Carrière really stand o u t this year," M cM ann said. "And I know he will because he's been w orking so hard."

H u m b le b e g g in in g s

M oving from a small farm to w n to O ttaw a, Carrière was w ean ed on to sports along th e sam e route as m any

young Canadians - on th e ice. But after a m ove to th e m ore m etropolitan O ttaw a, Carrière jo in e d th e St. M atthew 's High School football te a m w h e n his m ath teacher suggested he try th e gridiron. Since then, it has been a constant upw ard spiral for Carrière.

"After gettin g m y first sack, I knew football was w h a t I w an ted to do," Carrière said.-"Coming o u t o f O ntario I was recruited by a lot o f schools, som e here and som e in th e US, and I ended up gettin g a scholarship to McGill."

Carrière, like m any o f us, fell for McGill over o th e r m ore prestigious football universities such as Rutgers, w hich also w a n te d him to ply his services in th e NCAA 'Big East' conference.

"I cam e .here for th e football obviously, but also for th e academics,” he said. "The football program is very solid here, but th e academ ics are fantastic as well. You really are a studentathlete, unlike at som e other schools w here you just go through th e m otions. You always need som e degree to fall back on. I love it here - both parts."

L o fty g o als

But Carrière isn't thinking a b o u t a degree as a safety net; he has set lofty, yet attainable, football goals for himself. Last year— despite being suspended one g a m e d u e to m isconduct— he w o n th e M ost D edicated Player and Best Defensive Player on th e Redm en squad. This year he has set even m ore am bitious targets: Team MVP, All-Canadian and a spot in th e East-West Bowl, th e annual CIS all-star g a m e w hich is notorious for a heavy professional scouting presence. It's from th ere th a t Carrière n o w sees him self m aking "The Leap"— ju m p in g to professional football in either th e CFL, preferably for th e M ontreal Alouettes, or to th e NFL, naturally for th e gold standard o f defensive team s, th e Pittsburgh Steelers.

"It wasn't always pro football as th e goal,"Carrière said. "But once I cam e o u t as a to p recruit from Ontario, I realized w h a t I w an ted and th a t drives m y w ork ethic now."

The m axim in football circles is th a t defence wins

cham pionships. No one is expecting a football parade through th e Roddick gates this year, b u t it's certain th a t th e Redm en defence will be tenacious and ferocious w hile led by th e throw back style o f Carrière.

Tw o hundred and seven poun d linebackers w h o m ake tackles in th e open field, hit in th e backfield for losses, yet have speed to d rop back in pass coverage, guard receivers and collect interceptions are certainly a rare breed. Carrière is one such g em for th e Redm en. ■

W O M E N 'S S O C C E R P R E V IE W

Martlets aiming for championship T e a m isn 't s h y a b o u t its g o a l fo r th e s e a s o n A a r o n S ig a l Sports team s are notoriously tig h t lipped and cautious w h en m aking preseason predictions ab o u t success. Such is th e case w ith th e M artlets soccer team . W hile th e y didn't en g ag e in any interviews to u tin g dom inance over th e rest o f th e field, th e M artlets soccer team clearly has only o n e targ et for th e season: a national cham pionship.These girls are good, and despite th e extrem ely respectful and m odest tone, th ey know it.

C om ing o ff a year in w hich th e team drove to a third-place finish in th e country, a Q uebec cham pionship and an 1 8 - 3 -4 overall record— in w hich th e y w e n t 11 - 1-2 in th e Q uebec conference— th e M artlets have nothing left to prove except th a t th ey are th e to p wom en's collegiate club in Canada.

"The goals are q u ite sim ple for th e te a m this year," m aintains Head Coach M arc M ounicot. "W e w a n t to go all th e w ay to th e end. W e w a n t to w in nationals. That's th e goal for the te a m this year."

To m ake m atters worse for their co m p etitio n , this is still a very solid team th at has not suffered th e loss o f its im pact and m ore experienced players. The core as well as the periphery has returned, resulting in a veteran­ laden team , one w hich knows th e sacrifices and hard w ork needed to capture th e coveted cham pionship. The M artlets have lost only o ne starter from last year's squad— m idfielder Nina G upta— and th e y boast six conference all-stars as well as several All-Canadians.

"We all realize th a t th e team is strong this year— stronger than last year. W e really don't have any w eak positions," M o u n ico t said., "However, w e have to keep everyone together, and m aybe m ore im portantly, w e have to have th e girls realize th a t nothing will be easy. I don't want, th e te a m to b eco m e overconfident."

o f a leadership role and g et th e team to w ork cohesively together."

But it doesn't seem like cohesion will be a problem for this group. The focus on training is palpable and th e desire to bring a cham pionship to McGill was expressed by all.

The team is clearly united in their quest for th e trophy. Even th e recruits— an extrem ely impressive cast led by fullback Hannah Rishworth, a m e m b e r o f Team N ew Zealand at th e 2 0 0 6 U nder -20 W orld C up in M oscow — are on board for th e ride, despite th eir lack o f experience in CIS soccer.

"As a freshm an, I'm a little in tim idated by everything, even th e culture here," Rishworth said. "But McGill has a strong program and a great team this season."

A ll-sta r lin e u p

The M artlets have already begun to assert their do m in an ce this year. In th e preseason Old Four to u rn am en t, McGill destroyed W estern 6 -2 in th e final g am e to capture th e title. But Coach M o u n ico t warns th a t th e regular season road to th e cham pionship will be a bit tougher.

"I think all th e team s in th e league will be good.

Laval, Concordia and Sherbrooke all have good recruits," he said. "The level o f th e league is better every year and there will certainly be lots o f parity this year. We're going to have to play 1 4 playoff gam es because everyone will be raising their g a m e to try to beat us."

The talen t o f this group is unquestionable.

N o w all that's left is to bring h om e a cham pionship; anything less will sim ply be a disappointm ent for this exceedingly strong group o f Martlets. ■

S tro n g o u t o f th e g a te

VLADIMIR EREMIN M artlets seem poised to m ake a run at th e CIS title.

The Martlets' run begins in net w here goalten der Victoria Villalba returns after a season th a t saw her post 13 clean sheets in 25 gam es. The defence is exceptionally strong, anchored by All-Canadian Shari Fraser, team captain and last year's McGill Fem ale A thlete o f th e Year as well as co-Q uebec University Soccer League Player o f th e Year. The m idfield, th e backbone o f any contending soccer team , is very experienced as four o f five starters have returned, led by All-Canadian Eloise Vandal. Finally, there is significant firepow er in th e striker positions led by sniper M agalie Kolker, w h o last season finished third in league scoring.

"I know m y jo b is to put th e ball in the net," Kolker said. "But I also have to take m ore

The McGill Tribune

22 • Sports • 06.09.06

NFL Preview:

UPON FURTHER REVIEW

Is Terrell Owens a valuable asset?

There can really be no do u b t about Terrell O wens' dom inance, because w hile other players m ay put up bigger num bers, no other receiver is to u g h er to defend. Get th e ball anyw here near O w ens and he will m ake a play.

I d o u b t anyone can honestly question O w ens' value on th e field after he has racked up over 1,0 0 0 yards a year six tim es and over 10 0 career touchdow ns. Rather, it's his off-field antics th at have garnered him a reputation as being m ore trouble th en he's worth.

There w ere stirrings in San Francisco after th e Dallas incident, after he spoke to th e m edia about his quarterback Jeff Garcia and especially after he backed o u t o f a deal w ith Baltimore. But T.O. didn't Terrell O w ens is toxic. W hile he is unquestionably a fantastic athlete, th e guy is poison. And in football, character counts. To be a successful squad, all fifty-three m en have to respect and trust th e next player in th e huddle. In recent years, Super Bow! winners have been th e likes o f th e N ew England Patriots and th e Pittsburgh Steelers. W hile these team s lacked NFL royalty, th ey w ere built on th e bedrock o f team -p lay and self-sacrifice. Call m e naïve, but I have always seen pro sports as, ultim ately, th e pursuit of cham pionships. However, business considerations have infected th e sporting w orld, and signing a player like Terrell O w ens is potentially a sound fiscal m ove. Sure, th e Dallas C ow boys will be a freak show

really becom e th e world's favourite w hip p in g boy until he landed in Philadelphia. There, he took th e Eagles to w ithin a to u chdow n o f a Lom bardiTrophy. W hen th ey lost and he questioned quarterback D onovan M cN abb’s toughness, things turned sour and led to O w e n s 'e x it But I still don't see him as selfish or m oney hungry. A m ore accurate criticism w ould be to say he's a

f

North

C h ic a g o B ears ( 1 0 - 6 ) If it ain't broke don't fix it. Last year's division cham pio n will return all its starters from last season. W hile that's good news for th e defence— finished second in total yards and first in points allow ed— it's less so for th e offence. To th a t end, th e Bears acquired QB Brian Griese to p u t pressure on th e underachieving Rex Grossman. Regardless o f w h o starts, he will be anchoring an offence w hich remains alm ost entirely devoid o f any playmakers. A w eak schedule and an even w eaker division are th e Bears only saving graces.

ruthless com petitor. Like others w h o have held th a t title before him, O w ens wants th e ball. H e wants to catch th e pass th a t wins the Superbowl and dam ned if M cN abb wasn't able to deliver.

Had M cN abb com pleted that pass to Owens, and th e Eagles w on that Superbowl, I have no do u b t his reputation w ould be different.

Is T.O. selfish? Sure, b u t all great com petitors are. Ask yourself this: w h a t w ould M ichael Jordan have said if Tony Kukoc had taken and missed th e w inning shot in gam e six o f th e 1 9 9 8 Finals? O h and in case you don't rem em ber th at play, MJ took th e ball up court and never even looked to m ake a pass.

M in n e s o ta V ik in g s ( 7 - 9 ) W ith th e M ike Tice era n o w regarded as a disaster, Brad Childress takes over a team thin at m any positions. Brad Johnson filled in adm irably at QB last year, b u t at 3 8 , health m ust be a concern. WR Troy W illiam son will be expected to produce, but beyond him th e offence lacks w eapons. M eanw hile, th e defence has som e solid elem ents but th e linebacker corps m ust im prove. The Vikings m ust regain their form o f late last year to challenge for th e division G re e n B ay P ackers (4 - 1 2 ) The Packers quietly m ade som e impressive off-season m oves on defence. LB AJ. H aw k was selected in th e first round to be th e rock on D for th e Pack w hile CB Charles W oodson is an o th er addition w ith playm aking ability. On offence tho u g h , question marks are abundant. QB Brett Favre can't seem to figure o u t w h o he's supposed to be th row ing th e ball to. M eanw hile, th e running back situation hasn't been solved.The defence will be good b u t it will be on th e field far to o m uch.

—Charlie Blore

w ith America's Team.

Everyone w atches O w ens because .J h he is a celebrity. But m ark m y words: T.O. will never w in a Super Bowl, ij and really, isn't th a t w h a t an NFL franchise should fundam entally fÆ be about? O w ens is certainly not ’f i t th e w orst person produced by pro S sports; he is th e m icrocosm for one o f th e m ost significant problem s in m ajor athletics: team s d on't focus on character anym ore, and th e y suffer for it. They give talented players chance after chance and tim e and tim e again character problem s arise and infect. Franchises m ust Æ , CNNSI.COM cease bypassing disposition and personality and search for team Will T.O. p ho n e it in ag ain ? players instead o f prim a donnas. but at least casual fans will w atch every g a m e and ESPN will lead —Aaron Sigal

Sportscenter

D e tr o it Lions (3 - 1 3 ) The selection o f M ike M artz to fill th e offensive coordinator's seat creates an inevitable pow er struggle vyith n ew head coach Rod Marinelli. But this is just th e beginning o f th e problem s for th e Lions, w h o also signed QB Jon Kitna, ending th e Joey Harrington saga. Kitna will have tools to w ork w ith as WR Roy Williams is back to lead an extrem ely talented receiving core. But w ith a defence w hich is lacking everyw here, th e Lions will need to put up som e serious points through th e air. It's tim e to see w h a t kind o f offensive genius M ike M artz really is.

-Charlie Blore P itts b u rg h S te e le rs (1 2 - 4 ) QB Ben Roethlisberger m ay have a bruised body and e g o but his arm is fine. Big Ben's m otorcycle accident was th e only bad news th at em anated from H einz Field this off-season. The Super -,.

Bowl cham ps' roster is essentially identical, save for FS Chris H o p e and RB Jerom e Bettis. Versatile WR A ntw aan Randle El has been replaced by speedy first round pick S antonio Holmes. W ith fe w stars, th e Steelers understand th e tenets o f team defence and seem to do just eno u g h on offence. Look for another run at th e Lom bardi Trophy.

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B a ltim o re R avens {1 0 - 6 ) For years, th e strength o f th e Ravens has been their defence, buoyed by stalwarts LB Ray Lewis and FS Ed Reed. Therefore, any subscriber to th e m antra “defencew ins-cham pionships" m ust have been flum m oxed by the offence, having d o n e next to nothing to help keep th e ship afloat. Incom ing QB Steve M cN air is a form er MVP w h o simply can n o t stay healthy. Consequently, th e Ravens are again likely to rely on Kyle Boiler. W hile th e Ravens have th e talent to propel th e m to a w innin g record, th ey have to o m any holes on both lines to advance far.

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C in c in n a ti B e n g a ls {9 - 7 ) "Com ing back to earth" is w h at experts will be calling Cincinnati's inability to repeat last year's success. The reasons are myriad, starting w ith star QB Carson Palmer's m iraculously fast recovery from a devastating knee injury. In addtio n, last year's defence perm itted a staggering average o f 338 .7 yards allow ed per gam e, ranking th em tw e n ty -e ig h th in th e NFL. Cincy has a to u g h er schedule and no o p p o n e n t will take th e m lightly this year. If Palmer is indeed healed, coupled w ith -exhilarating WR C had Johnson, expect th e 2 0 0 6 squad to challenge for a w ild card berth.

C le v e la n d B ro w n s {6 - 1 0 ) The Browns spent their off-season spending aggressively in free agency after a fruitless 2 oos.They upgraded their defensive front, signing DT Ted W ashington and LB W illie McGinest. The Brownies have chosen a m ore organic approach w ith their skill positions, allow ing their young players to blossom into their roles. QB Charlie Frye is n o w th e starter, b u t has d o n e little to earn it. M any nam es are w ay to o high on th e d ep th chart in this organization. As long as Cleveland keeps em ploying people w h o could be m ow in g th e field rather than playing on it, th ey will struggle.

—Matthew Segal

www.mcgilltribune.com

06.09.06 • Sports • 23

I like It, I love It, I want some more of it East

D a lla s C o w b o ys ( 1 2 - 4 ) For th e Cowboys, th e focus this season centres on th e relationship b etw een head coach Bill Parcells and WR Terrell Owens. Both m en have plenty o f ego, b u t don't expect any m ajor blow ups this year. O w ens is g o o d for at least one season o f cooperation. The addition o f O w ens, as w ell as K Mike Vanderjagt, m eans this solid offence could be o n e o f the NFLs best. In addition, an impressive defence and acclaim ed special team s m eans th e Cowboys have no particular weakness on paper and look poised to m ake som e noise.

South

West

A tla n ta Falcons ( 1 3 - 3 ) QB M ichael Vick has been hit or miss since exploding into th e league in 2 0 0 2 ., But surrounded by talents like TE Alge C rum pler and RB W arrick D unn, th e tim e to w in is at hand. The addition o f DE John A braham gives th e Falcons th e league's to p D-line. A braham and Patrick Kerney should w reak havoc around th e edge, w hile DTs Rod C olem an and Grady Jackson bring plenty o f push up th e m iddle. The secondary will also be dangerous w ith playmakers CB D eA n gelo Hall and FS Chris Crocker lurking in th e weeds.

S e a ttle S e a h a w k s ( 1 2 - 4 ) The Seahawks are th e safest pick to succeed this year. C om ing o ff a 13-3 season, th ey look to m ake up for th e Superbow l loss. QB M a tt Hasselbeck has m atured nicelyand isaided by a stellaroffensive line w hich will excel again, especially against th e poor defenses o f th e NFC W est. RB Shaun A lexander will likely p u t up h u g e num bers, m ore than atonin g for receivers th at d rop to o m any balls. They will certainly w in this w eak division.

P h ila d e lp h ia E ag les (1 1 - 5 ) The flip side o f th e T.O. ordeal lies in Philadelphia, w here a messy divorce w ith th e w ide receiver left th e Eagles in tatters. How ever, this year things will be different. QB D onovan M c N a b b has looked sharp this preseason. The rest o f th e tea m is good, b u t not great w ith som e m ajor questions at receiver. The Eagles are average on defence, b u t have a talented secondary w hich should m inim ize big plays.

C a ro lin a P a n th e rs ( 1 1 - 5 ) Carolina's big m ove was picking up WR Keyshawn Johnson. He will fill th e void opposite Steve Sm ith since th e d eparture o f M ushin M u h am m ed . The defence, w hich remains largely intact, is once again anchored by th e line. In addition to th e d o m in a n t DE Julius Peppers, DT Kris Jenkins will be returning from injury.The secondary should give quarterbacks nightm ares w ith CBs Ken Lucas and Chris G am ble having co m b in ed for 13 picks in '0 5 . Look for th e Panthers to battle th e Falcons for th e division crown.

A r iz o n a C a rd in a ls ( 1 0 - 6 ) For th e last ten years Arizona has b een expected to break through. This year, th ey just m ight.

W ith a n e w stadium , a future star in QB M a tt Leinart and AllPro RB Edgerrin James, th e Cardinals have a chance to start fresh. The im proved running g a m e will o p en up th e passing g a m e for WRs A riquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald. The Cards' success depends on a w eak o -line and an average defence.

But, if everything goes right, th ey could contend.

W a s h in g to n R ed skin s ( 1 0 - 6 ) Expectations are high after th e Skins im proved to 10 - 6 . Offensively th e te a m im proved its dep th , adding RBTJ. Duckett, and WR A ntw aan Randle El to Pro Bowlers C linton Portis and Santana Moss.Their problem , how ever, lies at QB. M ark Brunell is streaky and injury-prone b u t beyond him, no o n e has e n o u g h experience. D espite a good offen ce and a great defence, th e Redskins will rem ain a team on th e bubble.

T a m p a B a y B uc c a n e e rs ( 7 - 9 ) The Chris Simms era in Tam pa has kicked o ff in earnest. Sim ms show ed last season he has th e tools to be a starting quarterback in th e NFL. Nonetheless he failed to shake th e reputation he earned in college for being unable to w in big gam es. O therw ise, th e offense is young but talented, featuring rising stars RB Carnell Williams and WR M ark Clayton. W hile th e defence should be up to th e Bucs'standard, th e onus remains on Simms to dem onstrate th a t he's m atured.

N e w Y o rk G ia n ts (6 - 1 0 ) W hile th e Giants are d e c e n t relative to th e rest o f th e NFC East, th e fact is th ey are above average on both sides o f th e ball. LB LaVar A rrington will im prove their linebacking corps, and CB Sam M adison leads a secondary w hich has been cobbled to g e th e r by free agency.

O n offense, th e G -m en will need RB Tiki Barber to duplicate last year's MVP-caliber season and for th e receivers to remain strong. QB Eli M ann ing will be entrusted to run th e offence w hich should concern Giants fans as he played aw fully in th e second half o f last season.

N e w O rle a n s S a in ts (4 - 1 2 ) Plain and simple, N ew Orleans hit th e jackp o t w h e n H ouston passed on RB Reggie Bush. The Heism an trophy w in n e r show ed his w orth countless tim es last season, p unctuated by a massive g a m e against Fresno State.The signing o f QB D rew Brees should give th e te a m its first bona fide star at th e position since Archie M anning. But that's w h e re th e g o o d news ends. The rest o f th e team is m ade up o f no-nam es and will be led by n e w head coach Sean Payton.

—David Campana

Ü

In d ia n a p o lis C o lts ( 1 3 - 3 ) Last season was nearly perfect for QB Peyton M ann ing and th e Colts.

H ow ever th e playoffs w ere th e sam e old story, as Indy just couldn't w in th e big gam e. The only m ajor addition was replacing K M ike V anderjagt w ith ex-Pat A dam Vinatieri. All-pro RB Edgerrin James, how ever, was allow ed to bolt for th e Arizona desert. Last year's defence, led by DE D w ig h t Freeney, should hold up again, so look for th e Colts to contin ue their regular season dom inance. D espite th e lack o f m eaningful changes to team chem istry, this m ay be Indy's year.

M ia m i D o lp h in s ( 8 - 8 ) A fter last year's strong finish, Dolphin fans are brim m ing w ith confidence. M a n a g e m e n t did not rest during th e off-season, im porting gifted but enigm atic QB D aunte C ulpep per from M innesota. However, th e quarterback has never taken a team d eep into January, has a penchan t for turnovers and is. com ing o ff a very serious knee injury. Even w h e n healthy in 2 0 0 5 , C ulpep per struggled; th e Vikings w on six in a row after th e injury. This and expectations o f playoffcalibre perform ances from an aging defence should prevent the Dolphins from exceeding th eir current state o f m ediocrity.

J a c k s o n v ille J a g u a rs (r i-s ) The Jags feasted on a soft schedule last year and was able to return to th e playoffs. The hope for the Jaguars in 2 0 0 6 is th at th ey keep m aturing. WR Jim m y Smith retired, leaving a serious void at receiver, but w atch for freakishly athletic WR M a tt Jones to excel in his second year catching passes from steady QB Byron Leftwich. The Jags are built on their staunch team defence and m erely co m p eten t, yet clutch, offence.

Jacksonville will not blindside anyone this year, but th ey will reach th e postseason again.

*

N e w Y o rk Jets ( 3 - 1 3 ) Fans o f th e J-E-T-S m ay w a n t to cover their eyes, because pessimism prevails here. The problem s th a t plagued last year's team have only been c o m pound ed. Veteran head coach Herm Edwards has been replaced by new b ie Eric M angini. Any pass longer than 10 yards is still an adventure for QB Chad P ennington, w hose arm troubles still linger. RB Curtis M artin has been beset by injuries and is succum bing to old age.

His replacem ent'K evan Barlow scares no one.

S an F ra n c is c o 4 9 e rs (3 - 1 3 ) in a poor division, th e 4 9 ers will o nce again finish at th e b o tto m . San Francisco isn't ready to push sopho m ore QB Alex Sm ith. Poor receivers and an ineffective running g a m e m eans Sm ith will p u t up pitiful num bers and could be replaced m id-season. O n defence, things have g o n e from bad to worse. A bad line, average linebackers, and an atrocious secondary will be ineffective guarding against big plays.

— DC

— CB

N e w E n g la n d P a trio ts ( 1 0 - 6 ) It's quickly becom ing routine for th e Patriots. Key losses in th e off-season and turm oil in th e dressing room \J lead pundits to salivate over th e Pats' dem ise, yet w h en th e season has en d ed N ew England is always on top. T hou gh th e reigning AFC East cham ps m ay seem infallible, questions still abound. H o w m uch will th ey miss clutch K A dam Vinatieri? Will WR Deion Branch resolve his contract hold-out? But as long as head coach Bill Belichick is at th e helm and star QB Tom Brady is healthy, the Pats seem playoff locks.

B u ffa lo Bills ( 7 - 9 ) After a dismal 2 0 0 5 , o w n e r Ralph Wilson turfed th e G M for fellow octogenarian and form er Bills coach M arv Levy. The pair will a tte m p t to resuscitate th e franchise from a 6-season playoff drought. Levy hired form er Chicago Bears head coach Dick Jauron and m ade a host o f less flashy moves, including trading starW R Eric M ou lds.The biggest issue in Buffalo is young QB J.P. Losman, w h o struggled last year. If Losman can show m ore poise, th e Bills will im prove.

St. L o u is R a m s ( 6 - 1 0 ) W ith M ike M artz gone, rookie coach Scott Linehan takes th e helm . Offensively, th e Rams rem ain strong. QB M ark Bulger is solid and benefits from first-rate w id e receivers. RB Steven Jackson is a talent, b u t th e Rams will miss RB Marshall Faulk. The problem s will again be on defence. A fter finishing 3 0 th in total yards and 31 st in points against, n e w defensive coordinator Jim Haslett will not be en o u g h to right th e ship in St. Louis.

T e n n e s s e e T ita n s (7 - 9 ). Q uarterback represents th e Titans' biggest problem as has-been Kerry Collins, career backup Billy Volek or green Vince Young will not frighten opposing defences.

The running back ju m b le is similar: Chris Brown, Travis Henry and LenDale W h ite could all be starters if healthy, but figure to split carries. The team does have som e talent on defence, including CB Pacm an Jones, a rem arkable athlete w h o was disappointing in his rookie season, both on and o ff th e field. Tennessee will struggle to g e t past th e .5 0 0 mark.

H o u s to n T exan s (4 - 1 2 ) The reward for finishing dead last in th e NFL is th e first overall pick. W ith it, theTexans selected DE M ario Williams, instead o f Heism an Trophy w inner RB Reggie Bush. The better pick will be ju d g e d over tim e, but this season, Williams's im pact w ill not change th e Texans' fortunes. The te a m has jo u rn e y m a n at som e positions and slow developing youngsters at o th e rs -Q B David Carr and WR A ndre Johnson. N eophyte head coach Gary Kubiak has been charged w ith rebuilding. Hopefully, w ith som e stability and n e w blood, theTexans will begin to im prove.

—MS —MS

K ansas C ity C h iefs (1 0 - 6 ) KC is built from th e ° ffensive l'ne o u t If th e O -line is h um m ing along, J^ p r * p fans will have their eyes on RB Larry Johnson. In « v ' Priest Holmes's stead, he casually gained 1,351 yards in nine gam es as th e featured 'back. A to u g h e r approach to defence under new head coach H erm Edwards is not likely to keep points o ff th e board, but it hasn't m attered m uch in past. As long as th e big guys keep o pening holes, th e Chiefs will find them selves back in th e postseason.

D e n v e r B roncos ( 9 - 7 ) Head coach M ike Shanahan can m ake a rusher o u t o f anyone, and this year th a t player will be nam ed Bell, M ike or Tatum . Jake P lum m er at th e pivot m ay not sound too im posing, but P lum m er is 32-11 as Denver's starter. Even so, their confidence in Jake th e Snake m ust be w aning as he will be shadow ed by slick rookie QB Jay Cutler. Every year th e Broncos enter th e season w ith questions. W hile it seems th ey always rise slightly above th e pack, this year th e y will finally fall short.

1 ,0 0 0 -yard

S an D ie g o C h a rg e rs (7 - 9 ) The Chargers w ere arguably th e best team th at did not qualify for th e postseason last year. However, th ey eschew ed tw o -tim e Pro Bowl QB D rew Brees and elected to go w ith third-year pro, Philip Rivers, w h o has yet to start an NFL gam e. A ntonio Gates is th e best tig h t end in football, but can Rivers deliver th e ball to him and prevent defences from stacking th e line against th e o therw orldly RB LaDainian Tomlinson? And is th e secondary any better than last year?

O a k la n d R a id e rs (3 - 1 3 ) Oakland reached into its past by hiring form er head coach A rt Shell. However, he m ay have trouble adapting to th e 21 st century NFL. They jettison ed QB Kerry Collins and replaced him w ith chronic underachiever Aaron Brooks. The w eapons are there on o ffen c e -R B L a M o n t Jordan, WR Randy Moss- f Brooks can be consistent, but there's no reason to believe this.

Oakland's defence still stinks, especially w ith CB Charles W oodson and D TTed W ashington gone. The only thing th e Raiders will be playing for in 2 0 0 6 is moral victories.

—MS *all records are predictions for the upcoming season. Teams are listed in order of projected finish within division.

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