PALM COAST
Observer YOU. YOUR NEIGHBORS. YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
VOLUME 10, NO. 3.14159265359
INSIDE TWITTER QUITTER
Teen drops social media, cures three rare diseases in spare time, feels lonely. PAGE 2
CAT MAKES CAT VIDEO 2 FREE
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APRIL 1, 2019
New zoning designation The new ‘Twilight Zone’ will be for all supernatural uses, including psychics. PAGE 2
SKIPPER WHIPPER
Man arrested after beating up captain of fishing expedition. PAGE 2
DAPPER FLAPPER
Woman takes first in fashion show with 1920s design. “It’s probably my fourth best design ever,” she admits. PAGE 2
Owner of real Green Roof Inn sues sheriff
Living the dream WISSLE BLOWER SPORTS CORRESPONDENT
Youth baseball coach Will “The Homer” Terrier was missing his own glory days as a player, and then he had a great idea: He stopped coaching and joined his own team of 10-year-olds. “I figured I would show them how it’s done,” Terrier said. “And I’ve hit 14 home runs in our first five games.” When parents of opposing teams complained, Terrier told them to meet him behind the dumpster if they felt like they wanted to learn a “lesson.” “They’re just jealous that they
Glitch in deputy’s GPS sends suspects to Palm Beach tourist trap. DERT BHAG CRIME EDITOR
It’s all fun and games until suspects arrive at your door in handcuffs and scare away your guests. The incident began when the Sheriff’s Office got a call regarding a disturbance in the Force at 3:01 a.m. Tuesday. A new deputy, Junior Senior Jr., whose father, Junior Senior Sr., was a decorated interior decorator, was assigned to check it out. Senior Jr. arrived on the scene at 3:02 a.m. and discovered a man wearing a feather from an exotic bird that he immediately recognized as being illegal in Florida. Moreover, an overwhelming alcholic odor was emitting from the man’s mouth region. Senior Jr. made the arrest and brought him to the Green Roof Inn, in Palm Beach, Florida. That’s when it got weird. Green Roof Inn owner O’Blarney Bhag (no relation to this reporter) said this was the third time in a week that a suspect had been brought to the inn, mistaking it for the jail in Flagler County. “We’re not a jail,” Bhag told the deputy. “Google it.” But Senior Jr. did Google it, and sure enough, the Green Roof Inn was also the name of a jail. “Try changing it to Ye Olde Greene Roof,” Senior Jr. suggested. SEE GOTCHA PAGE 2
SEE GOTCHA PAGE 2
The Great Fiber Mix-Up Bran fiber ordered in place of fiber optic cable. City official: ‘We made the most of it.’ Bake sale Saturday.
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NEWS FLASH
For those who don’t want street lights The Streets and Lighting Department has authorized distribution of sleep masks for all who are bothered by light pollution.
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