14.34 The Love & Sex Issue 2011, February 10, 2011, Volume 14, Issue 34, MauiTime

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FEBRUARY 10, 2011

Contents VOLUME 14

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THIS WEEK’S QUESTION: Who was your first Valentine?

Editor: Jacob Shafer (808) 283-1308 / jacob@mauitime.com @jacobshafer on Twitter Can’t remember—but she was funny Associate Editor: Anu Yagi (808) 264-8039 / calendar@mauitime.com @anuheayagi on Twitter Real or imaginary?

Proofreader: Dina Wilson Contributors: Caeriel Crestin, Jory John, Avery Monsen, Chuck Shepherd, Sara Tekula, Ynez Tongson, Barry Wurst II Photographer: Sean Michael Hower mauiweddingmedias.com / howerphotography.com Art Director: Chris Skiles chris@mauitime.com / lucky11studios.com Rosy Palm and her five sisters Graphic Designers: Shane Fontanilla, Naomi D. Sheikin, Christina Tarleton Advertising Executive: Brad Chambers (808) 283-3260 / brad@mauitime.com Miss February General Manager: Jennifer Russo (808) 280-3286 / jen@mauitime.com @jenrusso on Twitter Administrative Executive: Judy Toba (808) 244-0777 / judy@mauitime.com Blech Administrative Assistant: Jennifer Brown Elvis Web Design: Linear Publishing Publisher: Tommy Russo (808) 283-0512 / tommy@mauitime.com @tommyrusso on Twitter My mom

ISSUE 34

5 NEWS & VIEWS Coconut Wireless talks earmarks and shark bites. A minor decoy causes major trouble in LC Watch. Open Letters folds on skinny jeans. Quizunderstood asks about Congressional Facebook pages.

Gas prices and publicly insured keiki rise in News of the Weird. Spin Cycle follows Rep. Michele Bachmann to Maui. Eh Brah! crosses off some exes. Snap Shot captures an Upcountry sunset.

10 FEATURE STORY Do cheating spouses get a raw deal? Is pole dancing really good for you? And why do snails shoot each other before mating? Our annual Love & Sex Issue has the answers.

15 FOOD & DRINK Jen Russo runs down the various options for a romantic Valentine’s dinner—if you can still get a reservation.

17 A&E Sara Tekula weaves a yarn about visiting artist Mavis Muller, who makes giant baskets and then sets them on fire.

18 FILM CRITIQUE Barry Wurst II says The Roommate should be evicted.

19 Film Capsules/Listings

20 THIS WEEK’S PICKS MauiTime is published every Thursday by MauiTime Productions, Inc. Its contents are Copyright © 2010 by MauiTime Productions, Inc. All rights reserved.

Subscriptions are available at $70 per year. Reproduction or use without permission is strictly prohibited. MauiTime may be distributed only by MauiTime’s authorized independent contractor. MauiTime is valued at $.50 per copy and permits one complimentary copy per person. No person may, without written permission of MauiTime, take more than one copy of each weekly issue. All opinions expressed throughout MauiTime are those of the authors and not necessarily the same opinions as MauiTime Productions, Inc. and MauiTime.

MauiTime 33 N. Market St., Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 office (808) 244-0777 • fax (808) 244-0446 www.mauitime.com @mauitime on Twitter Deadlines: Display Advertising: Friday Noon Classified: Monday 4pm Calendar: Monday Noon Circulation: 18,000 copies of MauiTime

A Screw Cupid party with Gomega, The Vagina Monologues in Kahului and preWhale Day festivities.

22 Da Kine Calendar 23 Grid

28 BACK PAGES Kula Kid is online only. Sign Language tells Taurus to quit being a whiny bitch.

30 Classified 31 Mind, Body & Spirit

ON THE COVER: Design by Chris Skiles

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BY JACOB SHAFER

NEWS&VIEWS

jacob@mauitime.com + @jacobshafer on Twitter

Coconut Wireless Right to Die? There are few buttons hotter than physician-assisted suicide, so it’s no surprise a “death with dignity” bill hasn’t made it to the floor of the state legislature in nearly a decade. That streak isn’t likely to end this year—on Monday the Senate Health Committee voted unanimously to quash SB803, which would have allowed “a terminally ill, competent adult to receive medication to end life.”

The bill also would have prohibited “mercy killings, lethal injections and active euthanasia,” required “informed consent”

listen to the disability-rights movement.

We offer a different vision, as well as practical know-how and leadership to help build a society and a long-term care system in which no one feels like a burden and everyone has a real choice, not the false ‘choice’ of assisted suicide.”

Off the Earmark Last week, Sen. Dan Inouye issued a statement announcing a two-year moratorium on so-called earmarks.

Reading it, you can almost hear the Senator’s teeth gritting.

NEWS BRIEFS

House will not pass any bills that contain them. Given the reality before us, it makes no sense to accept earmark requests that have no chance of being enacted into law.”

In an interview with NBC, Senate Majority leader Harry Reid of Nevada was less diplomatic. Reid dismissed President Obama’s opposition to earmarks—which he inserted into his State of the Union address—as an “applause line.”

“He should just back off,” Reid added.

“He’s got enough to do without messing in what we do.”

Shark Bites, Sensationalist Headlines Increase

Admittedly, “Global Shark Attacks Rise 0.0000016 Percent” isn’t quite as attention grabbing. and allowed doctors to opt out and cede to another physician.

Sifting through the public testimony, it’s clear what a raw, delicate issue this is.

Phrases like “slippery slope” and “duty to die” crop up often, as do poignant pleas from people who say they want to be able to end their suffering before they become physically and mentally incapacitated.

“If I have a terminal condition I would like to be able to choose to either enter into hospice, which can be a fulfilling end of life choice, or to choose to legally end my life before I am unable to tend to my own needs,” wrote Evelyn Norris of Honolulu.

Meanwhile, writing on behalf of the New York-based advocacy group Not Dead Yet, Diane Coleman said, “It’s time to

Inouye is famous for bringing home the bacon to Hawaii, and has publicly defended earmarks as a legitimate and necessary way for members of Congress to channel funds to their districts. Opponents say they’re wasteful pork, and though they represent a fraction of total discretionary spending they’ve become politically toxic.

“I continue to support the Constitutional right of members of Congress to direct investments to their states and districts under the fiscally responsible and transparent earmarking process that we have established,” said Inouye, who chairs the powerful Senate Appropriations Committee. “However, the handwriting is clearly on the wall. The President has stated unequivocally that he will veto any legislation containing earmarks, and the

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If you only scanned the headlines, you might think there was a significant jump in the number of shark bites, particularly in the United States. “Shark Attacks Spike to 10-Year High,” declared CBS News. “U.S. Led the World in Shark Attacks Last Year,” added the Los Angeles Times.

Neither of those statements is false, just misleading. It’s true that the number of unprovoked shark bites on humans rose between 2009 and 2010—from 63 to 79 according to the International Shark Attack File. It’s also true that 36 of those bites were reported in the U.S. (four in Hawaii), more than any other country.

Problem is, those figures are statistically meaningless. Assume one billion people swam in proximity to sharks in 2010 (a very low estimate). If 63 were bitten, that would represent 0.0000063 percent. If 79 were bitten, that would represent 0.0000079 percent.

Though admittedly, “Global Shark Attacks Rise 0.0000016 Percent” isn’t quite as attention grabbing. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1434c

What’s new at MauiTime’s blogs?

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Congrats to Wailea’s Capische?, recently named one of Open Table’s top 50 romantic restaurants.

Two Hawaii eateries landed on the list, the other one in...

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LCWATCH A BUSY MONTH

E

ight beers. Three violations. One lost job. And, ultimately, $6,000 in fines. All of that from one undercover teenager in the span of a few weeks.

There were four cases on the docket at the February 3 LC Adjudication Board meeting and three stemmed from minor decoy stings, all carried out by the same decoy—an unnamed 19-year-old male born on July 3, 1990. (The prosecutor used to read the names of decoys in his case summaries, until we started printing them in this space.)

Sting one took place on June 4, 2010 at Wailuku’s Green Leaf Sports Bar & Grill. The decoy sat down at the bar, ordered a Bud Light and gave his ID to the bartender when asked. The bartender looked at the ID “for approximately 12 seconds,” and served the kid the beer. “I went the wrong way on the numbers,” she later told investigators.

“I’m retarded,” she reportedly added. “I totally made a big mistake.” It was a mistake that got her fired.

Stings two and three took place in Kihei on the night of June 24. At approximately 6:15pm, the decoy entered Blackie’s Pit Stop and grabbed a six-pack of Corona. The cashier took the decoy’s ID and “entered numbers into a calculator,” before selling him the beer. Her employers were more lenient, suspending her for three days and putting her through re-training.

Finally, at around 8:45pm, the decoy walked into Maui Thai Restaurant on South Kihei Road, took a seat by the window where LC field officers Chad Gardanier and James Lloy could see him and ordered a Heineken. The store’s owner, Boua Southammavont— who later said he had family visiting and was distracted— checked the decoy’s ID and returned with the drink. Like the other venues, he was hit with a $2,000 fine, $1,000 suspended.

It’s worth noting that Hawaii IDs are printed in vertical rather than horizontal format until the holder turns 21. So you don’t even need to know arithmetic, just basic geometry. Either way, for the 19-year-old decoy and his LC chaperones, it added up to a busy month. - JS ■

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FEBRUARY 10, 2011

5

NEWS&VIEWS

By the NUMBERS

$4.03

Average price of a gallon of regular gasoline in Wailuku in January, a 7.7 percent increase compared to January 2010

$3.09

Average price of a gallon of regular gasoline nationwide in January, a 14.1 percent increase

30

Number of food products produced by Ohau’s First Commercial Kitchen that had been recalled as of February 2 because of “a potential risk for botulism...due to improper production standards”; a complete list is available at hawaii.gov/health

141,992

QUIZunderstood

Number of Hawaii children enrolled in either Medicaid or the public Children’s Health Insurance Program in 2010, a 15 percent increase compared to 2009

1. What Seinfeld character said of Hawaii, “The air is so dewy-sweet you

Sources: Hawaii Department of Business, Economic Development and Tourism; American Automobile Association; Hawaii Department of Health; U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

don’t even have to lick the stamps.”

2. As of February 8, who

SPINcycle

had more “likes” on his official Facebook page: Sen. Dan Inouye or Sen. Dan Akaka?

3. If someone invited you to

Rep. Michele Bachmann—who’s either a shining beacon of fiscal conservatism or a defective Sarah Palin clone, depending on who you ask—landed in a bit of hot water recently when she ditched the chilly confines of Minnesota for a Hawaii vacay.

an ‘aha‘aina male, what type of event should you expect to attend?

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On February 1, Bloomberg columnist Margaret Carlson tried to contact Rep. Bachmann to get her take on the situation in Egypt (no doubt hoping for one of the headline-grabbing gaffes that have become Bachmann’s stock in trade). Carlson says she was told the Congresswoman was unavailable, as she was “concentrat[ing] on district work.”

Problem is, the following day Bachmann appeared at not one but two Aloha State fundraisers—first on Oahu at an event hosted by the hyper-conservative Grassroot Institute of Hawaii, then at a Tea Party soiree in Kahului.

Various anti-Bachmann blogs (and there are many) pounced on the discrepancy, with one (dumpbachmann.com) featuring a slideshow of images from Bachmann’s Maui appearance that includes shots of master-of-ceremonies and one-time Mayoral candidate Marc Hodges.

As of this writing Bachmann’s Web site featured no mention of the Hawaii trip and she’d offered no official response to the criticism. If and when she does, we’re sure it’ll be reliably riveting. - JS

BY CHUCK SHEPHERD

NEWS&VIEWS

chuck@mauitime.com +

EH BRAH! This was gonna be an Eh Brah! for all my exboyfriends: the one who cheated on me with my sister while I was in the hospital; the one who stole my car; the one who left the “nanny cam” in my bathroom and showed footage of me peeing to his perverted friends. Yeah, I’ve had them all. But now I’ve got a good one, a guy who treats me right, opens doors, pays for dinner without making a big thing and knows what to do between the sheets. So I’m gonna toss aside the hate like a dozen wilted roses and instead say: it’s nice to be in love.

Happy Valentine’s Day, honey.

Send anonymous thanks, confessions or accusations, 200 words or less (which we reserve the right to edit), changing or deleting the names of the guilty and innocent, to “Eh Brah!” c/o MauiTime, 33 N. Market St, Ste. 201, Wailuku, HI 96793 or send an e-mail to

ehbrah@mauitime.com Illustrator Ron Pitts is on sabbatical. You can check out an archive of his best Eh Brah! stuff and other art at ehbrah.blogspot.com

SNAP SHOT

NEWS OF THE WEIRD WHO DOESN’T LOVE A LITTLE DISASTER SEX? As of early November, 150 people had been killed by the 2-week-old, erupting Mount Merapi volcano in Central Java, Indonesia, and the government had created shelters in stadiums and public halls for 300,000 jammed-together evacuees. By that time, however, some had petitioned authorities to open up private shelter locations so that the displaced could attend to certain romantic, biological needs. Apparently some evacuees had become so frisky that they had left the shelter and returned to their homes in the danger zone just so they could have sex.

ride was not life-threatening. The ambulance company said proper protocols were met, in that the driver did not stop for food but to use a restroom because of diarrhea.

RACE IN POINT In January, Thalia Surf Shop of Laguna Beach, California (named by OC Weekly in 2009 as Orange County’s best), ran a special Martin Luther King Jr. promotion featuring “20 Percent Off All Black Products,” illustrated with a doctored photograph of Dr. King himself in one of the shop’s finest wet suits (black, of course). Following some quick, bad publicity, the shop’s management apologized.

RESCUE MISCUES

FAT CHANCE

(1) From a December memo to paramedics in Edmonton, Alberta, by Alberta Health Services: Drivers should “respond within the posted speed limits even when responding with lights and siren.” “Our job is to save lives,” AHS wrote, “not put them in jeopardy.” According to drivers interviewed by Canadian Broadcasting Corporation News, police have been issuing tickets to drivers on emergencies if they speed or go through red lights. (2) Jerrold Winiecki, 56, was lifted into an ambulance on December 8 for the 25-minute ride to a hospital in a Minneapolis suburb, after paramedics were unable to keep his airway fully open because of infection. Minutes later, the struggling-to-breathe Winiecki noticed the ambulance stopping at a familiar location enroute—a Subway sandwich shop near his home, thus increasing his distress. The stop was brief, Winiecki later recovered and doctors said the ambulance

Tennessee, the “second-fattest” state, according to a recent foundation report, continues to pay for obese Medicaid recipients to have bariatric surgery (at an average cost of about $2,000), but to deny coverage for an overweight person to consult, even once, with a dietitian.

INCOMPETENT CRIMINALS Three men and two juveniles were charged with burglary in Silver Springs Shores, Florida, in January following a December break-in that netted them electronics and jewelry and what they thought was a stash of cocaine. The men told police they had snorted some of the powder—which the police report identified as the ashes of the resident’s late father and two Great Danes. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1434n

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THE LOVE & SEX ISSUE

by Mike Sager

The Cheat Goes On

With so many unfaithful spouses, it’s time to ask the question: is infidelity the problem, or is it marriage?

’ve been thinking a lot lately about infidelity. I know you’ve thought about it, too.

Billing the intern. Hiking the Appalachian trail. Ordering up a Spitzer. A little bit of Monica in your life. Or maybe you call it book club, or girls’ night out.

By any name, infidelity has been in the news a lot lately. There was the muchpublicized affair that sank the political career of former Senator and presidential candidate John Edwards. And then there was Tiger Woods’s Thanksgiving melee with his wife, Elin Nordegren, that ended in a painful public apology and ultimately a costly divorce.

Two men, seemingly with everything to lose. Why did they cheat? And why did we hate them so much for doing it?

I

he common saw is that 50 percent of marriages fail.

Clearly there are a number of flaws in our Judeo-Christian construct of marriage. Of course, that’s true of other religious and cultural bonding scenarios around the world: polygamy, arranged marriages, the selling of young girls like chattel. (I don’t know what gay people are thinking, wanting in on the whole marriage thing. Has any culture ever gotten it right?)

Marriage is a medicine that works effectively in some cases but also produces unintended side effects. Some things cause

T

running for president.

We were 20 miles north of New Orleans when the storm fell upon us, a punishing spring monsoon. The wind buffeted our little white minivan, turning the windshield a blurry opaque. Edwards was headed for the state capitol Baton Rouge; we’d just come from touring the 9th Ward where he’d spent the morning with the actor, Danny Glover, reconstructing a house.

Though the race was wide open at the time, a lot of people didn’t like Edwards.

They ridiculed him for being a rich lawyer; there was the regrettable $400 haircut some staffer had mistakenly ordered up. But that day, seeing him on the job site, I was starting to think maybe people had it wrong about the guy. The way he swung a hammer, I took him for a decent man.

We’d interviewed for our allotted 45 minutes, but it was too rainy to pull over and let me out—I was supposed to trade places with a reporter in the chase vehicle where the other journalists were being held. Knowing that I’d have another crack at him later in the week in D.C., I thought I’d lighten things up.

I’d already been to his house and interviewed his wife, Elizabeth. That day she’d just returned from a doctor’s appointment; knowing now what I didn’t know then, her graciousness and her level of intimate fakery is truly astounding. At Edward’s 30,000-square foot strip mall of a home I’d been permitted a glimpse of his personal hoops court, the facade of

To expect the physical needs of a pair of married people to always be equal is a great leap of faith, indeed. itchy eyes and constipation, some cause dry mouth and blurry vision. The major unintended side effect of marriage is infidelity.

A couple of years ago, presumably about the time that Edwards was still having sex on a regular basis with hippie videographer Rielle Hunter—a woman, as my mother would say, you wouldn’t select from a group of two—I was riding through a thick Louisiana deluge with John Edwards himself. He was on the campaign trail,

10 FEBRUARY 10, 2011

which was built to resemble a barn. Now in the minivan, I asked him about playing basketball. Pretty soon he was telling war stories. His staff and driver joined in, and a sort of locker room atmosphere prevailed.

“I hope this isn’t too personal,” I said to Edwards, “but I was reading about how Elizabeth discovered her cancer this second go-around. It was a broken rib, correct?”

“Yes,” Edwards said.

“The papers said you were hugging

her—which is always nice to hear, a married guy hugging his wife. It must have been bizarre. What happened, you just hugged her and heard a snap?”

“Maybe it is a little personal,” Edwards said, laughing self-consciously.

“So hugging was perhaps a euphemism?”

“That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it,” he said, raking his celebrated forelock with his fingers.

When we got to the next overpass, the van pulled over. My time with the candidate had run out. After greeting my fellow schmos in the chase vehicle, I receded from the raucous cynicism and fell into a meditative silence. In a way, my heart ached; I was feeling pretty moved. Elizabeth had been so gracious when I’d met her. I tried to put myself in the Edwards’s shoes. They’d been together since law school. They’d already lost a son to a tragic car accident—they were the parents of three other children. Now here they were facing Elizabeth’s death. The cancer, they knew, was incurable. Sitting on her overstuffed sofa in their Olympic-sized, open plan living area, she told me of her idea to take her younger two children to Disney World.

“I’m liable to die before I want to, before they want me to,” she said. Hearing that, we both choked up. eing a man, I put myself in John Edwards’s place. I thought about the things that men think about, considered the things men consider. In the course of doing so, something rather manly occurred to me: this guy is not getting laid. At all.

Now, before you become outraged by the juxtaposition of these topics—cancer

B

and getting laid, cancer and infidelity—let’s examine things a little bit.

Maybe the big problem is that religious people long ago hijacked sex from the realm of the physical and made it part of faith.

Infidelity. The act of being unfaithful. Of not having faith.

But what if we looked at sex as a bodily function? As purely a physical need. I can go to the bathroom without asking my spouse.

But what if I needed her every time I had the urge to take a dump?

John Edwards’s wife had been seriously ill for a number of years—not exactly conducive to regular physical relations. Tiger traveled all the time and had two toddlers at home; all of us fathers who travel and have small children know what that lifestyle leads to—more fights with golf clubs than one would like to admit, I am sure.

To expect the physical needs of a pair of married people to always be equal is a great leap of faith, indeed. You want to know why 50 percent of marriages end in divorce? Maybe because you have two choices in marriage: you can choose to be faithful, or you can chose to not be faithful. A coin toss. Fifty percent.

Maybe, like marijuana, it’s time to decriminalize marital infidelity. There could be cooperatives where people could go, the spouses of partners with lower libidos than themselves. Like extra minutes, all that horniness could be collected and reassigned.

Think of the taxes. This sort of thing could save the economy.

And millions of marriages. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1434a1

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FEBRUARY 10, 2011 11

THE LOVE & SEX ISSUE

by Anu Yagi

Body and Pole Forget images of scantily clad strippers and seedy clubs—pole dancing is hard work ’ve seen women literally change their bodies and their lives through the pole,” says Amanda Furgiuele. Smiling and impossibly svelte, Furgiuele rattles off the list of classes she teaches, her lashes batting like a major league slugger: yoga, Pilates, dance, collegiate fencing, kayaking, surfing, rock climbing, spelunking, silk aerials. And yes, pole dancing.

Though “stripper” is to “pole” as “Mc” is to “Nugget,” Furgiuele says she’s not— nor has she ever been—an exotic dancer.

Instead, as her résumé indicates, she’s a hardcore adventurer who was drawn to the pole’s athletic challenges five years ago. It fast became her new favorite obsession, and within a year she was teaching other women (and men, too) the tricks of the trade.

“Pole dancing is about self awareness, self expression and pure confidence,” says Furgiuele. “The only people we aim to please are ourselves.”

But, while learning the ins and outs of pole dancing, can—or should—its fitness element be segregated from its obvious sexual overtones?

“These classes aren’t just about being sexy—though that is a pleasant repercussion,” Furgiuele says. “They’re about moving the body, having fun and exploring every side of oneself—while getting a great workout.”

Over the last decade, erotic performing arts have emerged from society’s seedy underbelly and morphed into an international fitness craze—the once-taboo is now mainstream. And pole dancing is at the center of this blooming sub-genre.

The U.S. Pole Dancing Federation was founded in 2008, and since 2009 has hosted an annual Pole Dancing Championship. Pole and lap dance classes are cropping up at gyms and dance studios everywhere, accommodating young and old alike. Or, if you want to test the waters with your living room curtains drawn, videos like Carmen Electra’s Aerobic Striptease can be found in K-mart bargain bins (I actually own one of Electra’s DVDs, but dust is etched into its still-sealed cellophane).

In honor of this week’s Love & Sex issue, I decided to try out Furgiuele’s introductory class, called “The Nibbler”—90 minutes of “touch-me-feel-me” basic moves and a “take-home” dance routine. Furgiuele holds these semi-private classes (just a couple girls at a time) at Body in Balance, a Pilates and weight training center in Lahaina that’s decked out like an upscale day spa.

Pole skills are akin to a gig with Cirque Du Soleil or a Parisian cabaret. But supposedly, there’s no prerequisite for pole dancing. Athleticism (of which I am

I

“

utterly devoid) is always something that can be earned. As for the playful, selfexploratory side of the sport, well, most women are capable of moving their bodies sensually, should the opportunity present itself. Unless, as I learned, you’re an asexual anomaly like moi. lass began with Pilates-based warm-ups—from “tick tock tease” crunches where pointed toes dance in the air at 3, 6 and 11 o’clock, to “cat slides” and belly crawls back and forth across the floor like sexy soldiers under edible razor wire. Confused and jealous, I looked at Furgiuele and the two other girls in the class, trying in vain to mimic the mechanics of a caress or producing a smooth “hip circle” (let alone a sexy one). All I could manage was writhing like I had a case of chicken pox and oven mitts on both hands.

On the verge of collapse from the warmup alone, I vowed to write apology letters to every boy I’ve been involved with—past, present and future. (“Dear John: I know that must have been a terrible experience for you.

Terribly boring, if nothing else. I hope...”)

But soon, it was time for pole work—and things, to my surprise, improved.

I was most adept at spritzing the pole with an alcohol solution in between turns, which is both hygienic and improves grip.

And, I wasn’t so bad at “finding my whee,” which meant getting comfortable with the pole by lolling off it with one arm.

And to Furgiuele’s credit (and my classmates’ kind support), I somehow made it through the entire class without killing myself or anyone else, and by some miracle managed a spin called “the butterfly” (think of a fireman’s descent, but with toes pointed and knees cocked open). At the end of the move, Furgiuele kept telling me to “booty up”—rising from a squat by drawing my body in an “s” shape, my booty (or lack thereof) leading the charge.

While I demonstrated the woes of scoliosis, everyone cheered me on anyway.

Just like Furgiuele said it might, the next day, my body felt changed. Everything hurt so good. All day long I moaned and groaned, the vestiges of stomach muscles buried in my marshmallow middle making unhappy retort—but I was glad just to know they were still there. And despite all my complaining, even I found pole dancing fun enough to warrant another spin. ■

C

Wanna hit the pole? Call 661-1116 or visit bodybalancemaui.com for class times and more info.

To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1434a2

DO THE WILD THING

by Jacob Shafer

H

umans can be pretty perverted.

But when it comes to sexual depravity we’ve got nothing on other members of the animal kingdom, whose mating habits make even our weirdest fantasies look downright tame. Here are four particularly odd—sometimes violent— predilections found among Hawaii’s kinkiest critters.

FUNNY BUSINESS OK, this one’s more cute than anything.

Much like a nervous virgin, mongooses giggle before sex. Or at least they make a noise that sounds a lot like giggling; the real purpose is to attract a mate.

And clearly the men don’t take it as a sign of inadequacy, because the giggling often continues right through the courtship and into the deed itself.

MULTI-FUNCTIONAL MANHOOD Male dolphins conceal their penises in slits on their underside, but when the member emerges it’s quite a sight: long, muscular and prehensile, meaning it can move around and even pick up objects.

They also have voracious sexual appetites and have been observed engaging in group copulation—sometimes with other males. Wait ’til the family values crowd gets wind of that.

SHOT AT LOVE Garden snails are hermaphrodites— meaning they have both male and female reproductive organs—but that’s not what landed them on this list.

Rather, it’s the fact that before bumping uglies (in this case quite literally) the snails attempt to shoot each other with “love darts,” mucous-coated, harpoonlike projectiles that give the sperm of the snail who strikes first an advantage.

Though we’re guessing it makes the post-coitus pillow talk a tad awkward.

GOT HIM BY THE BALLS If you think your love life sucks, consider the plight of the male anglerfish, who is born much smaller than his female counterparts and often with an underdeveloped digestive system. Just about the only thing he has going for him is an acute sense of smell—which he uses to find the nearest lady anglerfish. He then bites her and literally dissolves into her body, leaving only a tiny, sperm-making lump behind. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1434a3 SNAIL PHOTO BY CURT BOCANEGRA

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FOOD & DRINK

BY JEN RUSSO jen@mauitime.com + @jenrusso on Twitter

Sweet Eats

Your islandwide options for romantic dining ng

W

ith so many great dining events this week, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be the guy left holding the dozen wilting rosesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;make dinner reservations.

Unlucky with love? Consider yourself liberated from the drama of relationships and celebrate with food.

Start the V-Day weekend on Saturday at the Alii Kula Lavender Farm where you can read each other poems and stroll with lavender scones and tea in hand. They also have a chocolate sale, love elixirs and on Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day you can reserve a guided tour with a picnic lunch. Also Upcountry, Max Bistro offers a special menu on Sunday night by Chef Curtis featuring duckling, lamb, pear and creme anglaise. And nothing says amore like an evening at Mamaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Fish House; lunch reservations for their incredible Polynesian menu are still available.

Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day dinner will be hosted at Casanova with the classical guitar stylings of Yorma Bruschi and the Old World charm of their cuisine to ignite your passion. Stimulate your senses at the Haliimaile General Store with a four-course Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s menu presented by Chef Jennifer Evetushick, from oysters to pohole fern to the explosively delicious chocolate mousse bomb.

Want a little show with your dinner?

David Paulâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Island Grill and Ulalena offer two seatings for a dinner and theatre package on Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, multi-course dinner with champagne and rose included. Kimoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s is throwing a pre-party Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dance on Friday, February 11 with DJ 007 so you can find your hook up, then follow that up with

their Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dinner capped off ff by chocolate-loving spoonful cake. ke.

Black Rock Steak and Seafood at the Sheraton is offering a trio of pre fixe menus,, each more fabulous than the next. Watch the sunset from the open-air dining room at Tropica and indulge in their Robbi Kin three-course offering. Looking nunen Maui Bak& Nicole W yant, for a more tactile dining e shop experience? The Melting Pot has loverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s lane seating while you u heat things up at the table with their full-blown Tommy Bahama are just the tip of the iceberg on their four-course extravaganza. h i V-Day VD menu, which features shared courses for In South Maui, Stella Blues will feature two. At Mala Wailea Chef Mark Ellman Gail Swanson rocking the supper club room outdoes himself with fresh-grilled spiny for two romantic seatings, at 5:30pm and lobster, organic greens, Kurobuta pork and 7:30pm. Enjoy Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s specials or order raspberry mascarpone mousse. At Spagoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your favorite entree, like the mouthwatering Chef Cameron Lewark is offering his regular macadamia-nut crusted fresh fish roasted award-winning menuâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;which changes with a lilikoi beurre blanc, served with dailyâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;but youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have to act fast with a mashed purple sweet potatoes. Let Wailea reservation to get it.

Pita Paradise unfold island-style romance Makena Resort pulls out all the stops with Hawaiian entertainment from Gordon with an extravagant seven-course dinner Samuelson and Ken Stover along with a pre replete with champagne- and wine-paired fixe three-course menu featuring freshcourses served alfresco on the lawn. caught fish and other Greek specialties.

Taittinger Brut, Kula strawberries and Hotel Waileaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Capische? just landed on pancetta- and truffle-stuffed filet will fill Open Tableâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s list of the top 50 most romantic your heartâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and other partsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;with joy. restaurants. Celebrate Italian Nouveau with Molokini Bar and Grill will also have a Chef Brian Etheredge, offering a five-course special menu, while at the Grand Wailea menu, including vegetarian-friendly options you can choose between Bistro Molokini for non-meat lovers. Their martini menu or Humumhumunukunukuapuaâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;a for and wine list are also stunningâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;let your delish pre fixe dinners. Or play it casual cup runneth over. For more ethnic treats, at the Botero Bar, where theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have a Monsoon India will have dinner music special cocktail menu. with Louise Lambert and Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s specials.

Coasting in Central Maui? Make a sweet The shrimp avalon and New York steak at

needs a date? who n stop for a ssweetheart at Maui Bake Shop handmade ffor their h i h ha d d truffl ffles, marzipan i cakes shaped like butterflies and other handcrafted treats. Bistro Casanova is a sure, convenient bet for romantic dining with a glass of wine.

This is a day to celebrate the one you love (or the one youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re with), but itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also a chance to celebrate Mauiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s great food. Gotta love it. â&#x2013;

Got a hot food scoop? Call Jen Russo at 2803286 or fax to 244-0446.

To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1434d For more foodie news, visit MauiTimeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s food blog: mauidish.com

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BY SARA TEKULA

A&E

sara@mauitime.com + @spectekula on Twitter PHOTO BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

To Everything Burn, Burn, Burn Want to create a 10-foot woven sculpture and watch it go up in flames? Here’s your chance

B

y the time you read this, an “impermanent” art project will be underway on the grounds of the Hui No‘eau Visual Arts Center. And you’re invited to visit—and contribute to—a woven sculpture made of natural Maui materials. If you don’t catch it by the time it reaches its final presentation at the Source Interactive Arts Festival at Camp Keanae later this month, it will have transmuted its earthly form into a death of ashes on damp soil and plumes of smoke over the ocean.

In other words, this message will soon self-destruct.

Sound intense? Well, that’s kind of the point. Mavis Muller, the facilitator and visionary behind The Burning Basket project, is not your ordinary basket weaver. Into each of her over-sized sculptures, made of locally sourced twigs and leaves, she weaves our stories, inviting us to stuff personal notes into the crevices of the gorgeous baskets she creates. Then—like all good artists—she asks us to do something that challenges us to the core: to watch as our collaborative creation burns to the ground.

It’s difficult for some to imagine working for days creating something intricate and beautiful only to wipe it out in a ball of flames. Not surprisingly, Mavis says the question she gets most frequently is, “Why do you burn it?” She’s reluctant to give a solid answer, instead offering only a

I MAIU AL

SOC IA MEDGROUP USERS

knowing smile.

Mavis has done 17 basket burnings, in places like Alaska, Oregon, California, Hawaii and the New Mexico/Mexico border. Simply put, she’s a migratory artist. Each autumn she leaves her studio-home in Homer, Alaska and travels south. For 20 years she has followed her “land partners,” the migratory Sandhill cranes, down the Pacific and central flyways and then returned again in spring. More recently, she added annual visits to Maui—with the help of grants from organizations like the Alaska State Council on the Arts and San Francisco’s Black Rock Arts Foundation—to create art especially for Source. This time, she’s following the humpback whales and plovers that—like Mavis—call both Alaska and Maui home.

I

first learned about Mavis a few years ago while attending a brainstorming session for the first Source Festival. At the time she was planning the twelfth project in her series, a large woven sculpture of a whale tail called “Fluke: Burning Basket of Safe Passage.” With a mature, well-developed approach and funding for her project securely in place she stood out amongst Maui’s merry pranksters, setting an example and immediately garnering support.

Mavis’s whale tale soon became a centerpiece of the event (which has since grown into an annual happening now celebrating its fourth year). Like all of Mavis’s burning baskets, it was interactive. It

Feb. 7-16, 11-5pm

won an award at the Whale Day Festival, and met its flaming conclusion at Source.

A few years later, I witnessed the burning ceremony of another large basket called “Cheers Chalice.” Several hundred people gathered to watch as the basket and all of the personal notes tucked in it were set ablaze. Watching the spectacle I could utter only one word: “Wow.” To prepare people for this impermanent, emotional ride, Mavis facilitates a variety of workshops (see sidebar). The ultimate goal this year is to construct a 10-foot sculpture titled “Uplift: Basket of Abundance and Gratitude.” For those who can foot the bill to attend the Source Interactive Arts Festival, the piece will burn in the closing ceremony on the evening of Sunday, February 20.

Pressed again to explain the reason for burning these baskets, Mavis begins to reveal her motive. “The movement in the short life of this woven sculpture keeps one in the present moment. It is a work of art that is never static—it is either being imagined, created, actualized, consumed or erased,” she says. “If we want real change, we call on fire. No going back, no changing your mind. Each individual participating will likely have a different answer to the question why? If I give you an answer, then I rob you of discovering your own.” ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1434ae

Basket is Built: Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center Community Interactive, Impermanent Art, 7-day free art activity with facilitator Mavis Muller.

Feb. 13, 2-5pm Reception & Unveiling: Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center Unveiling reception for “Uplift: Basket of Abundance and Gratitude”. The basket is a gift to all. Community interaction begins.

Feb. 13-16, 11-5pm Community Interaction: Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center Basket sculpture is available for community interaction.

Feb 16, 5pm Workshop: Solarium, Hui No’eau Visual Art Center “Public Art as a Healing Force” Slide show and “story weaving” with Mavis Muller, free.

Feb. 18-20 Installation: Camp Ke’anae, Hana Hwy. Basket is installed at Source Interactive Art Festival.

Feb. 20 Burning: Camp Ke’anae, mi.16.5, Hana Hwy. The basket will be ignited and released through fire as part of the Source Interactive Arts Festival’s closing ceremony.

March 5, 10-4pm Basketry Class: Hui No’Eau Visual Arts Center Weaving Baskets from Nature, basketry class with Mavis Muller, designed for beginners, pre-registration required.

For more info visit mavismullerart.com, huinoeau.com and sourcemaui.com

Thursday, Feb 10, 2011 4:00PM-6:30PM

Malcolm Center 1305 N. Holopono St., Suite 1 Kihei, HI 96753

Famed Composer & Slack Key Master

$25 *Seating Limited to 30

REGISTER ONLINE AT: hightechmaui.com/programs/workshops.cfm

FEBRUARY 10, 2011 17

BY BARRY WURST II

FILM

barry@mauitime.com

Room and Gloom Imagine the most annoying roommate you’ve ever had, then imagine she was the star of a really bad horror movie The Roommate

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (ZERO STARS) Rated PG13/92 min.

D

uring my freshman year of college, my roommate was arrested for shrooming in our dorm while watching Alice in Wonderland.

The last time I saw him, he was still deep down the rabbit hole, being reprimanded by cops and singing the Caterpillar song. The following year, my roommate was a white New York model named Nick who dressed like a pimp, said “yo” before and after every sentence and liked to do naked aerobics every morning before class—including jumping jacks—in front of an open window. Nick also never flushed the toilet because, according to him, “Yo Barry, we’re conserving water and saving the environment, yo!” My junior and senior years, I bunked with The Brain, a wanna-be mad scientist who once turned our entire apartment into a dark room for his photography project and instructed me

We’re so torn—is this creepy or hot?

not to light a match or the entire stairwell could go up in flames.

These were the things I thought about during The Roommate, a “thriller” so bad it made Nick’s jumping jacks seem like high art.

Leighton Meester, the star of TV’s Gossip Girl, is Rebecca, the unstable, completely bonkers but initially pleasant roommate of Sara (Minka Kelly, who played Autumn in the idiotic final scene of 500 Days of Summer). Stephen, Sara’s boyfriend, is played by Cam Gigandet (James in the

99

Twilight movies—is the cast beginning to wave a red flag at you?).

Rebecca, whose tiny physique and cold eyes make her resemble a demonic Kate Moss, stalks Sara because, well, it’s a horror movie. Despite hints of a backstory and a pointless sequence where we meet Rebecca’s parents, we never learn anything meaningful about her.

A scene where she murders a kitten is supposed to elicit gasps but earns more of a confused shrug.

Meester has a climactic, unintentionally hilarious “I-did-all-this-for-you!” monologue that should make her a Worst Actress frontrunner at next year’s Razzie Awards.

Meanwhile, Kelly smiles incessantly—even in scenes where no sentient human would.

Some of this is so bad it’s funny, but most of the time it’s simply bad, a gutless clunker that takes a potentially intriguing premise and steers it in all the wrong directions. Meester and another actress even share a messy kiss in a desperate nod to Black Swan fans and horny teenage boys. Both groups will be sorely disappointed.

I realize that most of the audience this movie caters to will be too young to remember or care about Single White Female. However, considering how much The Roommate steals from that farsuperior 1992 thriller, the filmmakers really should have inserted a credit. Then again, perhaps leaving the credit out was a more respectful thing to do. ■ To share or save this article, type: mt.hy.pr/1434f

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Showtimes FRONT STREET THEATER 900 Front Street, Lahaina, 249-2222 (Matinees) Gnomeo & Juliet (2D) - G - FRI (3:40), 7:05, 9:15. SAT-SUN (1:00), 3:40, 7:05, 9:15. MON-WED (3:40), 7:05, 9:15.

No Strings Attached - R - THU-FRI (4:20), 7:15, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:45), 4:20, 7:15, 9:30. MON-WED (4:20), 7:15, 9:30.

The Rite - PG13 - THU (3:40), 7:05, 9:15.

The Roommate - PG13 - THU-FRI (4:15), 7:00, 9:35. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:15, 7:00, 9:35. MON-WED (4:15), 7:00, 9:35.

True Grit - PG13 - THU-FRI (3:45), 7:10, 9:20. SAT-SUN (1:15), 3:45, 7:10, 9:20. MON-WED (3:45), 7:10, 9:20.

KA’AHUMANU 6 Queen Ka’ahumanu Shopping Center, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: everyday until 4pm) Black Swan - R - THU 11:40, 2:05, 4:30, 7:10, 9:30.

The Dilemma - PG13 - THU 11:40, 2:10, 4:55.

The Eagle - PG13 - FRI-TUE 11:35, 2:05, 4:25, 7:10, 9:40. WED 11:00, 2:05, 4:25, 7:10, 9:40.

The Green Hornet (2D) - PG13 - THU 12:45, 3:10, 5:35, 8:00. FRI-WED 11:45, 2:10, 4:35, 7:00, 9:25.

The Green Hornet (3D) - PG13 - THU 7:05, 9:25.

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (2D) - G - FRI-SAT 11:00, 1:20, 3:40, 6:00, 8:20, 10:35. SUN-WED 11:00, 1:20, 3:40, 6:00, 8:20.

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (3D) - G - FRI-WED 12:00, 2:20, 4:40, 7:00, 9:20.

The King’s Speech - R - THU 11:50, 2:20, 4:45, 7:15, 9:45. FRI-WED 2:20, 4:45, 7:15.

The Rite - PG13 - THU 11:55, 2:25, 4:55, 7:25, 9:55. FRI-WED 11:45, 9:45.

The Roommate - PG13 - THU 11:00, 1:05, 3:10, 5:15, 7:20, 9:25. FRI-WED 11:05, 1:30, 3:35, 5:40, 7:45, 9:50.

KUKUI MALL 1819 South Kihei Road, 1-800-326-3264 (Matinees: everyday until 4pm) Another Year - PG13 - THU 1:00, 3:40, 6:20, 9:00. FRI-SUN 1:40, 7:00.

MON-WED 2:00, 7:25.

Black Swan - R - FRI-SAT 11:30, 2:05, 4:35, 7:20, 9:50. SUN 11:30, 2:05, 4:35, 7:20. MON-WED 2:05, 4:35, 7:20.

Just Go With It - PG13 - FRI-SAT 11:40, 2:10, 4:40, 7:10, 9:45. SUN 11:40, 2:10, 4:40, 7:10. MON 2:10, 4:40, 7:10. TUE 1:00, 4:40, 7:10. WED 2:10, 4:40, 7:10.

The King’s Speech - R - THU 1:05, 3:25, 5:50, 8:15. FRI-SAT 12:00, 2:25, 4:50, 7:15, 9:40. SUN 12:00, 2:25, 4:50, 7:15. MON-WED 2:25, 4:50, 7:15.

WHERE AND WHEN TO WATCH WHAT

The Rite - PG13 - THU 1:10, 3:50, 6:25, 8:55.

The Social Network - PG13 - THU 6:10, 8:45.

True Grit - PG13 - THU 1:15, 3:45. FRI-SAT 11:15, 4:30, 9:40. SUN 11:15, 4:30. MON-WED 4:40.

MAUI MALL MEGAPLEX Maui Mall, 249-2222 (Matinees) Blue Valentine - R - THU (1:50, 4:30), 7:10, 9:20. FRI (1:30, 4:10), 6:50, 9:30. SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:10, 6:50, 9:30. MON-WED (1:30, 4:10), 6:50, 9:30.

The Fighter - R - THU (1:25, 4:05), 6:45, 9:25. FRI-WED 9:00.

Gnomeo & Juliet (2D) - G - FRI (1:55, 4:05), 6:15, 8:25. SAT-SUN (1:55), 4:05, 6:15, 8:25.

Gnomeo & Juliet (3D) - G - FRI (2:25, 4:25), 6:45, 8:55. SAT-SUN (12:15, 2:25, 4:25), 6:45, 8:55. MON-WED (2:25, 4:35), 6:45, 8:55. MON-WED (1:55, 4:05), 6:15, 8:25.

Gulliver’s Travels (3D) - PG - THU-FRI (2:15, 4:35), 6:50, 9:05. SAT-SUN (12:05, 2:15), 4:35, 6:50, 9:05. MON-WED (2:15, 4:35), 6:50, 9:05.

Just Go With It - PG13 - FRI (1:45, 3:45, 4:30), 6:30, 7:15, 9:15, 10:00. SATSUN (1:00, 1:45), 3:45, 4:30, 6:30, 7:15, 9:15, 10:00. MON-WED (1:45, 3:45, 4:30), 6:30, 7:15, 9:15, 10:00.

The Mechanic - R - THU-FRI (2:20, 4:40), 7:00, 9:20. SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:20), 4:40, 7:00, 9:20. MON-WED (2:20, 4:40), 7:00, 9:20.

No Strings Attached - R - THU-FRI (1:55, 4:25), 7:05, 9:40. SAT-SUN (1:55), 4:25, 7:05, 9:40. MON-WED (1:55, 4:25), 7:05, 9:40.

Sanctum (3D) - R - THU-FRI (1:45, 2:15, 4:20, 4:50), 6:55, 7:25, 9:30, 10:00.

SAT-SUN (1:45, 2:15), 4:20, 4:50, 6:55, 7:25, 9:30, 10:00. MON-WED (1:45, 2:15, 4:20, 4:50), 6:55, 7:25, 9:30, 10:00.

Season of the Witch - PG13 - THU (2:50, 5:10), 7:30, 9:50 Tangled (2D) - PG - THU (2:25, 4:50), 7:15, 9:40. FRI (2:25, 4:50). SAT-SUN (12:00, 2:25), 4:50. MON-WED (2:25, 4:50).

True Grit - PG13 - THU (1:30, 4:05), 6:40, 9:15. FRI-WED 7:10, 9:45.

The Way Back - PG13 - THU (3:15), 6:15, 9:15.

Yogi Bear (3D) - PG - THU (2:25, 4:30), 6:45, 8:40. FRI (2:25, 4:30), 6:35.

SAT-SUN (12:20, 2:25), 4:30, 6:35. MON-WED (2:25, 4:30), 6:35.

WHARF CINEMA CENTER 658 Front Street, 249-2222 (Matinees) The Green Hornet (2D) - PG13 - THU (1:00, 3:45), 6:45, 9:30.

Just Go With It - PG13 - FRI (1:15, 4:15), 7:10. 9:50. SAT-SUN (1:15), 4:15, 7:10. 9:50. MON-WED (1:15, 4:15), 7:10. 9:50.

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (3D) - G - FRI (1:00, 4:00), 7:00, 9:45.

SAT-SUN (1:00), 4:00, 7:00, 9:45. MON-WED (1:00, 4:00), 7:00, 9:45.

The Mechanic - R - THU (1:30, 4:15), 7:15, 9:50.

Sanctum (2D) - R - THU (1:15, 4:00), 7:00, 9:45. FRI (1:30, 4:30), 7:15, 9:55.

SAT-SUN (1:30), 4:30, 7:15, 9:55. MON-WED (1:30, 4:30), 7:15, 9:55.

New This Week THE EAGLE - PG 13 - Drama, Action - A 2nd Century Roman soldier—who looks suspiciously like a 21st Century underwear model—sets off to unravel the mystery of his father’s disappearance. 114 min.

THE DILEMMA - PG13 - Alleged Comedy - What do you do when you catch your best friend’s wife smooching a dude who’s not your best friend? If you’re Vince Vaughn, you go apeshit. 111 min.

GNOMEO & JULIET - G - Animated - Just like The Bard’s star-crossed masterpiece, only with anthropomorphic lawn decorations. 96 min.

THE FIGHTER - R - Drama - A working class boxer nicknamed “Irish” (code, as ever, for “white”) fights for respect in and out of the ring. Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale star. 116 min.

JUST GO WITH IT - PG 13 - Comedy - Adam Sandler plays a frumpy jerk who convinces a hot chick (Jennifer Aniston) to pretend to be his ex-wife so he can land an even hotter chick.

Happens all the time. (Keep an eye out for filmedon-Maui scenes and local extras.) 116 min.

JUSTIN BIEBER: NEVER SAY NEVER - G Concert, Documentary - This is normally where we’d insert the obligatory mean Justin Bieber joke, but you know what? Beebs has it hard enough. That hair doesn’t muss itself. 105 min.

THE GREEN HORNET - PG13 - Action - Seth Rogen takes a break from smoking weed and impregnating hot chicks to play a superhero. 110 min.

GULLIVER’S TRAVELS - PG - Comedy, Fantasy - Jonathan Swift’s 18th century adventure gets an update, Jack Black-style. Next up: Will Ferrell as Captain Nemo. 85 min.

THE ROOMMATE - PG 13 - Horror - See this week’s film critique (opposite page). 92 min.

PHOTOS FLICKR GROUP...

SEASON OF THE WITCH - PG13 - Action, Fantasy - Nick Cage dons flowing locks to play a 14th century knight. Also involves plagues and magic and stuff. 110 min.

THE SOCIAL NETWORK - PG13 - Drama - Hey, you know that little Web site all the kids are talking about? Here’s the (alleged) story of how it was born. 133 min.

TANGLED - PG - Animated - Running out of fairy tales to sprinkle with empowering modern messages and pop culture references, Hollywood turns to Rapunzel. 115 min.

THE MECHANIC - R - Action - Either about an old guy in greasy overalls who fixes carburetors or an elite international assassin. Same difference, right? 108 min.

TRUE GRIT - PG13 - Western - The Coen Brothers update the John Wayne classic (though they insist it’s based on the book) with Jeff Bridges donning the eye patch. 110 min.

BLUE VALENTINE - R - Drama - After years of unrest, a sad young couple are surrounded by, well, sadness. 120 min.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED - R - Comedy, Romance - A guy and a girl agree to keep it strictly physical—until some of their other organs demand to get in on the action. 108 min.

THE WAY BACK - R - Drama, Historical WWII prisoners escape a Siberian prison and try to walk 4,000 miles to safety. And we complain when Twitter goes down. 132 min.

BLACK SWAN - R - Drama, Horror - Thought ballet was all pointe shoes and demi-pliés?

Think again. Natalie Portman stars. 109 min.

THE RITE - PG13 - Thriller - A priest goes to exorcism school, where homework is hell. Anthony Hopkins stars. 114 min.

YOGI BEAR 3D - PG - Family, Animated - An existential meditation on love, yearning and the meaning of picnic baskets. 98 min.

ANOTHER YEAR - Drama - PG13 - After years of bliss, a happy old couple are surrounded by sadness. 129 min.

MAUITIME

SANCTUM - R - Action - A team of underwater divers get in over their heads.

James Cameron produces, so naturally there’s an extra dimension of eye candy. 108 min.

THE KING’S SPEECH - R - Drama - A stuttering monarch finds his voice in time to call out Hitler. Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush star (neither as Hitler). 118 min.

NOW SHOWING

JOIN THE

AND SHOW US MAUI THROUGH YOUR EYES. Å^X`g#Xdb$\gdjeh$bVj^i^bZe]didh$

FEBRUARY 10, 2011 19

PICKS

This Week's Picks

DIVERSIONS, DALLIANCES & DATES

The Anti-Cupid Bunch of freaks, those ancient Romans and Greeks. Over the last couple millennia, their mythologies’ indubitable influence on the Western world has stuck us with the twisted iconography of Cupid. Ah, yes—nothing speaks to love and lust more than a naked (occasionally diapered) flying baby shooting arrows into our bloodiest vital organ. And once you’ve been shot—whether you like it or not — you’re forever, hopelessly in love with the person of Cupid’s choosing. Romantic, isn’t it? In his seminal satirical lexicon The Devil’s Dictionary, American editorialist Ambrose Bierce’s entry on Cupid reads, “CUPID, n. Of all unbeautiful and inappropriate conceptions this is the most reasonless and offensive.” If you share these sentiments, check out Diamonds Ice Bar this Monday (February 14, 10pm, no cover) for their “Screw Cupid” party with Gomega. Take fate into your own hands by bidding on dates with bartending babes from Diamonds and Dog & Duck Irish Pub, and win prizes ranging from dinner to ziplining. [874-9299, diamondsmaui.angelfire. com] Or, “celebrate the single life” by checking out Maui Brewing Company’s “casual speed dating social” on Monday (February 14, 10pm sign-up/10:30pm dating, no cover).

[669-3474; mauibrewingco.com] Meanwhile, Ambrosia’s annual “Anti-Valentine’s Day” parties invite singles to “flaunt your freedom and mock those that are tied down by the ol’ ball and chain.” On Sunday (February 13, 10pm, no cover) you can boogie to your booty’s content with DJ CIA, and on Monday (February 14, 10pm, no cover), enjoy the jazz and blues of Estee Graham and Toby Couture. [891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com] Plus, get a head start on hearts day by heading to Casanova on Saturday (February 12, 9pm; $10) and checking out Canadian cuties, Current Swell. [572-0220; casanovamaui.com]

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20 FEBRUARY 10, 2011

BY ANU YAGI anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

Labia of Love We put the word “vagina” on this week’s cover.

And right up there is another word describing a part of the female anatomy. The fact that we did that without batting an eye—and that all but the most prudish among us won’t bat one, either—is due in no small part to Eve Ensler’s seminal (sorry) stage production, The Vagina Monologues. And this weekend, you can catch a local production featuring Kathy Collins, Rochelle Dunning, Marilyn Hirashima, Sodengi Mills and Kristi Scott (Sunday, February 13, Steppingstone Playhouse, Queen Kaahumanu Shopping Center, $20). The popularity of Ensler’s show spawned “V-Day,” a global effort to end violence against women and girls, and in that spirit proceeds will benefit Maui’s Women Helping Women.

[242-6600; mauiacademy.org] Also, on the subject of theatrical happenings with a sexual twist, don’t miss Couples at the historic Iao Theater (Monday, February 14, 6:30pm, Iao Theater, free), a series of five couplecentric vignettes. At last week’s Maui Fringe Festival, previews of two of the acts, The Matterhorn and So Tell Me About This Guy..., proved it’s a date-worthy occasion.

I Heart Whales The order Cetacean (i.e. the taxonomic rank of whales, dolphins, and porpoises) is not to be confused with the subphylum Crustacea (i.e. crabs, lobster and shrimp). Members of the former are celebrated as ultra-intelligent beasts of the deep, while the latter (tastiness aside) are essentially the sea’s spiders and cockroaches. Not long ago—in our very own waters—whales were hunted to the brink of extinction for food and ladies’ perfume. So who knows? Though cases of crabs are in no short supply, maybe one day we’ll exalt crustaceans— with song, dance and impassioned preservation—like we do whales? Case in point: Friday’s “Tribute to the Whales” (February 11, 5:30-7:30pm), the opening reception of a three-week mixed-media art showcase at the Maui Mall and part of the festivities culminating with the Pacific Whale Foundation’s annual Whale Day Celebration and parade (Saturday, February 19). A traditional Hawaiian chant opens the event, honoring those denizens of the deep in the form of poetry, music and dance performances, plus videos and artwork. And on Saturday (February 12, 5:30-8pm), four whale experts lecture at the Westin Maui Resort & Spa. Speakers include: Bryant Austin, who’s created the world’s largest and most detailed body of photographic work on the subject of whales; Ari Friedlaender, a research scientist from Duke University; Greg Kaufman, who’s studied humpbacks for more than three decades; and Corey Ryder, a filmmaker whose credits include the acclaimed 2009 documentary The Cove. 249-8811, mauiwhalefestival.org

WILD WAHINE WEDNESDAY

THE EVENING THAT EARNED CASANOVA THE AWARDS

CASANOVA’S FAMOUS HT LADIES NIG with DJ BLAST & CHILLTOWN PRODUCTIONS

“BEST LATE NIGHT IN MAUI” “BEST SINGLES SCENE IN MAUI”

Back to the future MUSIC STARTS AT 10PM X $10 COVER

TH DANCING STARTS AT 8:00PM $5 DONATION

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 10

GO CASA NUEVO TAN ITION CLASSES - MILONGA - EXHIB

TH

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 11

MUSIC STARTS AT 10:00PM $15 COVER

FREE WITH THE SOURCE PASS

THE SOURCE PRESENTS

ADORATION PARTY

With Visiting DJs MESCA (SF) MOCHIPET (SF) X RUSS LIQUID (PORTLAND) X BRANDI MUSIC STARTS AT 9:30PM TH $10 COVER

RUARY 12 SATURDAY, FEB S FOR ELAINE RYAN OPEN

CURRENT SWELL

Indie Surf Rock from Canada

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 14 TH Valentine Dinner with YORMA BRUSCHI

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 13TH

Mana’o Radio Acoustic Style

DR. NAT & RIO RITMO

On Classic Romantic Guitar

INDIO & AVI RONEN CINDY KALMESON Music Starts At 2:00PM $7 Donation

Music Starts At 7:30PM NO COVER

CALL 572-0220 X MAKE IT A MEMORABLE EVENING IN MAKAWAO TOWN. DINE AND DANCE AT CASANOVA. FOR DINNER RESERVATIONS

FEBRUARY 10, 2011 21

LIVE MUSIC ON THE NORTHSHORE!

anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

Da Kine Calendar

THURSDAY FEB 10

WAVETRAIN s pm

FRIDAY FEB 11

GOMEGA! s 0-

BIG SHOWS

SATURDAY FEB 12

MANAO RADIO ROAD SHOW

CELEBRATE VALENTINEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S WEEKEND WITH CANDADIAN CUTIES CURRENT SWELL - This weekend, three shows round out Current Swellâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Maui tour: Thursday (February 10), 9pm, no cover, Moose McGillycuddyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, 844 Front St., Lahaina; 6677758. Friday (February 11), 9pm, $5, Mulligans on the Blue, 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea; 874-1131. Saturday (February 12), 9pm, $10, Casanova (Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Party), 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 572-0220.

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SUNDAY FEB 13

SUNDAY FUNDAY!

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TUESDAY FEB 15

PELIGROSO TUESDAYS!

IMAGO THEATERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ZOOZOO - Thu, Feb 10. The witty, wonderful and wordless cavorting of giant dinosaurs, anteaters, penguins, polar bears and hitch-hiking rabbits. Acid ďŹ&#x201A;ashbacks? No. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Imago Theaterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s imaginative stage show, sure to delight keiki and kupuna alike. See This Weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Picks for more. $12 / $28 / $38. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org

DANYEL ALANA & TRI0

4!#/3 -!2'!2)4!3 -%8)#!. "%%23 s 0-

WEDNESDAY FEB 16

THERAPY NIGHT!

THE FACE/FUZZ BOX: SPECIAL GUEST DJâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S 7%,, s 0-

A NIGHT AT THE OSCARS: A BENEFIT FOR THE KIDNEY FOUNDATION OF HAWAIIâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S MAUI OFFICE - Fri, Feb 11. This yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s theme celebrates the movies, so thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s no better place than â&#x20AC;&#x153;Marilynâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Houseâ&#x20AC;? (based on a design by Frank Lloyd Wright, made for Monroe). Dance to Jimmy Mac & The Kool Kats, enjoy heavy pupus and bid in a silent auction. $50 advance / $65 door. 5:30-10pm. King Kamehameha Golf Club, 2500 Honoapiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ilani Hwy, Waikapu; 986-1900; kidneyhi.org

BOOKING INFO: DYINGSONS@GMAIL.COM

142 HANA HWY, PAIA

808-573-8085

www.charleysmaui.com

SUPPER CLUB WITH PAULA FUGA, MIKE LOVE & SAM ITES - Fri, Feb 11. Did you know that Mike Loveâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s last name is actually Loveless? But, câ&#x20AC;&#x2122;mon. Have you seen him play? Few performers are as full of passion â&#x20AC;&#x201D; especially when coupled with sweet-as-suga Paula Fuga, and buddy Sam Ites rounding out the team. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t miss this. $60 with four-course dinner / $30 show only. 6-9pm. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei; 874-3779; stellablues.com

â&#x20AC;&#x153;home of the $1 mai taiâ&#x20AC;?

Kiheiâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s BEST Sunset Cocktail Spot!

AUTHENTIC MEXICAN FOOD BURGERS SALADS Live Music Daily Sunset Happy Hour 3-7 Nightly Entertainment

9<JKĂ&#x203A;?8GGPĂ&#x203A;?FLIĂ&#x203A;FEĂ&#x203A; THE â&#x20AC;&#x153;WESTSIDEâ&#x20AC;? Â&#x20AC;¤Â&#x192;Ă&#x203A;ÂŹĂ&#x203A;Â&#x2020;¤:CFJ<Ă&#x203A;<M<IP;8PÂ&#x203A;

RAMPAGE

THURSDAY 10 9pm

KIHEIâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S LEGENDARY WEEKLY REGGAE DANCE PARTY

FRIDAY 11 9pm

DAT GUYZ

KEALO AND BAND PLAYING ALL THE ISLAND FAVORITES ROLLER GIRL PARTY SATURDAY 12 TATTOO CONTEST, 9pm GAMES, PRIZES SUNDAY 13 9pm

KARAOKE INDUSTRY NIGHT

VALENTINE KARAOKE MONDAY 14 HAPPY HOUR & DRINK SPECIALS ALL DAY!! 9pm

KARAOKE CONTEST $1 TACOS $3 CORONAS $3 CUERVO SHOTS

TUESDAY 15 9pm

WEDNESDAY 16 9pm GET UP & JAM OR WATCH THE

OPEN MIC RISING STARS

1913 S Kihei Rd 808.891.8010 ACROSS FROM FOODLAND

22 FEBRUARY 10, 2011

BY ANU YAGI

CALENDAR

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MANA MAOLI COLLECTIVE - Fri, Feb 11. The night begins with acoustic, solo sessions by both Anuhea and John Cruz. Then, Anuhea & Cruz are joined by three vocalists from Natural Vibrations, Kiliona Young, Lopaka Colon and Kapena Delima to create an all-star lineup representing the Mana Maoli Collective. All proceeds beneďŹ t Mana Maoliâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sailing canoe and Maoli Music programs for youth. $15 minimum donation. 8:30pm. Threeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bar & Grill, 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei; 879-3133

BATTLE OF THE BANDS - Fri, Feb 11. Hard Rock is giving local bands the chance at a trip to play a big gig in London. Three tourney rounds begin February 4, continue on February 11 & 18, and culminate with a March 4 ďŹ nal. The winner goes on to regional competition (and pockets $500). This Friday features TBA band (9-9:45pm), Panacea (10-10:45pm), and Sleeping Elephant (11-11:45pm). 9pm. The Hard Rock Cafe, 900 Front St., Lahaina; 667-7400 SOURCE PRECOMPRESSION PARTY FEAT. MOCHIPET, RUSS LIQUID AND BRANDI MESA - Fri, Feb 11. Three mainland DJs bring impassioned beats as fresh as a in-season blood oranges. Headliner Mochipet hails from San Fran, and is known for the exhuming the poor purple dinosaur from uncool to way-cool. Lookin for a bargain? Free entry for anyone whoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s bought (and brings) their SOURCE ticket. $15.

10pm. Casanova, 1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao; 572-0220; casanovamaui.com / sourcemaui.com HALEMANU CD RELEASE PARTY - Sat, Feb 12.

Gotta love Halemanu. Celebrate his latest CD release with special guests An Den, Gomega, One Inity and Alika. 5-11pm. Luluâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Lahaina Surf Club & Grill, Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina; 661-0808 INTIMATE WITH ANUHEA - Sat, Feb 12. Gosh, this gal has a great name! Icing on the cake: I hear sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a talented songstress, too. Enjoy Anuhea acoustic stylie, with a portion of the proceeds beneďŹ ting Project Graduation for Seabury Hallâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Class of 2012.

Preshow dinner by Kaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;anapali Beach Hotel. $35.

7:30pm. McCoy Studio Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org KEALIâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;I REICHEL: KUKAHI 2011 WITH HALAU KEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ALAOKAMAILE - Sat, Feb 12. Naturally, an award-winning entertainer is at the helm of an award-winning hula halau. And naturally, their performances (this being their big annual fundraiser) are naught but winning, too. The goodness continues with a second show on February 13. $12 / $35 / $45 / $55. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org SUPPER CLUB WITH BARRY FLANAGAN & ERIC GILLIOM - Sun, Feb 13. Flanagan and Gilliom are sure to sweep you off your feet this Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day weekend. $60 with four-course dinner / $30 show only. 6-9pm. Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei; 874-3779; stellablues.com

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

02/10

02/11

02/12

02/13

02/14 - 02/16

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

ALE HOUSE

Thirsty Thursdays w/ DJ Jamn J, 9pm

Bottoms Up Friday w/ DJ C & DJ LX, 9pm

Ras Lil Dread & Fiyah Blaze, 10pm; $5

Simma Down Sunday w/ DJ JammnJ, 10pm

MON - Open Mic w/ hosts O.G. Mac Band, 9pm; No Cover / WED - Wild Wednesday w/ Bad Kitty, 8pm

AMBROSIA

Old School Thursdays w/ DJ Del Sol

Freakin’ Fun Fridays w/ DJ Mats

Sunrize Saturdaze w/ DJ Decka

Annual “Anti Valentine’s” Dance Party feat. DJ CIA

MON – Annual “Anti Valentine’s “ Party (cont.) / TUE – Future Sound w / DJ AstroRaph / WED – Maui’s HI-5 Night (S.I.N.) w/ DJs Del Sol & CIA

355 E. Kamehameha, Kahului - 877-9001

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-1011

Bryan Funai & Friends 10pm-12am

CARY & EDDIE’S HIDEAWAY REST. 500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului - 873-6555

MON - Francois on piano, 5pm-Close.

Mana’o Radio presents Dr. Nat & Rio Ritmo, Indio & Avi, and Cindy Kalmeson, 2pm; $7

MON - Valentine’s Day w/ Yorma Bruschi / WED - Wild Wahine Wednesdays goes “Back to the Future” w/ DJ Blast & Chilltown, 10pm; $10

CASANOVA

CASAnuevo Tango 8pm; $5

DJs Mochipet, Russ Liquid & Brandi Mesca

Current Swell plus Elaine Ryan, 10pm; $10

CHARLEY’S

Wavetrain 9pm; $5

Current Swell 9pm; $10

Lil ‘J w/Teomon 9pm; $5

WED - Group Therapy (turntable style) w/DJ Boomshot & Guests

Jr. & Oren 7:30 - 10pm; No Cover

Dave Caroll 7:30 - 10pm; No Cover

Dave Caroll 7:30 - 10pm; No Cover

MON - Peter DeAquino / TUE - Live Jazz / WED Ryan Palma (All sets 7:30 - 10pm; No Cover)

DIAMONDS ICE BAR

House Music 10pm; No Cover

Johnny Ringo 10pm; No Cover

The Edge 10pm; No Cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; No Cover

MON - Annual “Screw Cupid” Party feat.

Gomega / TUE - Suppah Duppah Reggae Band, 10pm / WED - House Music, 10pm

DOG & DUCK IRISH PUB

Quiz Night 8pm; No Cover

Jarod 10pm; No Cover

Jordan & Wolf 10pm; No Cover

Kanoe 10pm; No Cover

MON – Jordan / TUE – Jordan & Wolf / WED – Jessica & Kanoa (all sets 10pm; No Cover)

Karaoke

Roots Jugement 10pm-1am; No Cover

Karaoke

Karaoke

WED - Free Pool & Karaoke

Rampage 9pm - Close

Dat Guyz 9pm - Close

Roller Girl Party 9pm-1:30am

Karaoke Industry Night

MON - Karaoke / TUE - Karaoke Contest / WED - Open Mic Night

Lahaina Open Mic Night, 7:3010pm; No Cover (all ages)

Battle of the Bands 9pm

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Ashley Welte 7pm - Close; No Cover

Guest Performer 7pm - Close; No Cover

Farzad & Mike Madden 7pm - Close; No Cover

1188 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-0220

142 Hana Hwy., Paia - 579-8085

COOL CAT CAFE

Wharf Cinema, Lahaina - 667-0908

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-9299

1913 S. Kihei Rd. - 875-9669

GREEN LEAF SPORTS BAR 1088 Lower Main St., Wailuku - 244-4888

HAUI’S LIFE’S A BEACH 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 891-8010

HARD ROCK CAFE

900 Front St., Lahaina - 667-7400

ISANA

515 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-8199

JAVA JAZZ

3350 L. Honoapiilani Rd. 667-0787

TICKETS ON SALE SOURCE 2011 - Fri, Feb 18 through Mon, Feb 21.

Along Maui’s wild Keanae coast, SOURCE is Maui’s largest annual multi-media arts, music and healing festival. Best of all, the pre-party is already in full swing. Are you in?; sourcemaui.com DAUGHTRY - Fri, Feb 18. This band builds off the fame of American Idol season 5 finalist, Chris Daughtry. Their latest album is called “Leave This Town.” $33 – $83.

7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org / daughtryofficial.com BATTLE OF THE BANDS: LONDON CALLING - Hard Rock is giving local bands the chance at a trip to play a big gig in London. Three tourney rounds begin February 4, continue on February 11 & 18, and culminate with a March 4 final. The winner goes on to regional competition (and pockets $500). Friday (February 18) features Minor Setback (9-9:45pm), MOTH (1010:45pm), and Sounds of Addiction (11-11:45pm). 9pm.

The Hard Rock Cafe, 900 Front St., Lahaina; 667-7400 MAUI HUMANE SOCIETY’S ANNUAL FUR BALL - Sat, Feb 19. With the 2011 event theme “The Canine Canteen: Swing the Night Away,” this beloved fundraising event will honor the animals, men and women who have served our country in the armed forces. Tickets and sponsorships now available.

Grand Wailea Resort & Spa, Haleakala Ballroom, 3850 Wailea Alanui Dr., Wailea; 877-3680 ext 32; mauihumanesociety.org SAVE THE DATE: HAWAII YOUTH SYMPHONY Mon, Feb 21. Maestro Henry Miyamura conducts Youth Symphony I, one of the finest youth symphonies in the country. Nearly 100 talented young musicians take the stage, performing favorite classical, pops and Hawaiian music selections. Free. 7pm.

Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org SIR ELTON JOHN WITH BAND - Thu, Feb 24. For the “love of the common people,” Sir Elton John — with band — has added a second show; scheduled a day before the first, sold-out show (Friday, January 25).

Clearly, “(he’s) ready (let’s have a party).” $77 / $97 / $152 / $252. 7pm. The Yokouchi Pavillion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org

MON - Kulwea / TUE - Ryan Palma WED - Erin Smith (all sets 7:30-10pm; No Cover) WED - Karaoke

Brian Cuomo 7pm - Close; No Cover

SIR ELTON JOHN WITH BAND - Fri, Feb 25. Some guy named Sir Elton John (implied by “Sir,” he’s a knight; probably of the “Surnameless Club”) has a little gig at the MACC. Make that two little gigs as the MACC. A second show has been added on February 24, due to popular demand. Not sure why. Never heard of him. $77 / $97 / $152 / $252. 7pm. The Yokouchi Pavillion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org

TAKACS STRING QUARTET WITH PIANIST JOYCE YANG - Tue, Mar 8. This quartet was formed in 1975 at the Franz Liszt Academy in Budapest, and is known for playing a remarkable repertoire infused with drama and humor. Joining them is their frequent collaborator Joyce Yang, who adds her heartfelt lyricism to the group’s virtuosity. $12 / $32 / $38.

7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org

PSYCHIC MEDIUM JOHN EDWARD - Sat, Feb 26.

Do the dead speak? According to John Edward, they do — and he says he can help you connect with those who’ve passed on. Edward has authored several books, including “After Life: Answers From the Other Side” and “Practical Praying: Using the Rosary to Enhance Your Life.” 2pm. Maui Theatre, 878 Front Street (Old Lahaina Center), Lahaina; 1-877688-4800; mauitheatre.com

THE DOOBIE BROTHERS & WAR - Fri, Apr 1. I know you’re excited (me too!), but don’t start a ‘stampede.’

MACC members have early dibs on tickets (having starting Saturday, February 5), and tickets to the general public go on sale on Saturday, February 12. $45 / $65 / $85 / $125 VIP. 5pm. The Yokouchi Pavillion, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org

ART AFFAIR 2011: THE BLACK & WHITE BALL - Sat, Feb 26. This valued and festive tradition — celebrating its 19th annual installment — brings together artists, educators, collectors to help raise funds for the Hui No‘eau’s art outreach programs. 5-10pm. Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center, 2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 5726560; huinoeau.com/ artaffairmaui.com DAMIAN MARLEY & NAS’S “DISTANT RELATIVES” TOUR - Sun, Feb 27. An all-ages show! Just think of how sad you’ll be if you miss this. So stop at nothing to get your tickets. Because “it’s a journey, some will get left behind / ‘cause in life you cannot press rewind.”

A BAMP Project production. $39.50. 6:30pm. Events Lawn, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469 PHILADANCO - Tue, Mar 1. The Philadelphia Dance Company (PHILADANCO) is celebrated for its creativity and preservation of predominantly AfricanAmerican dance traditions. This year’s program includes Jawole Willa Jo Zollar’s “By Way of the Funk” set to the music of Parliament Funkadelic. $12 / $28 / $38. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org THREE MAUI DIVAS: AMY HANAIALI’I, RAIATEA HELM & NAPUA MAKUA - Sat, Mar 5. Hey, we know these lovely ladies! MauiTime chatted with all three divas for Music Scene features just last year. Chee hee! $12 / $30 / $40. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org

KATHY GRIFFIIN LIVE - Sun, Apr 10. Hooked on Griffin’s “My Life on the D List” or her hilarious red carpet hosting? You’d better scoop tickets early. MACC members get first dibs on Saturday, February 12, with sale to the general public beginning on Saturday, February 19. $36 / $46/ $56 / $66. 7:30pm. Castle Theater, MACC, One Cameron Way, Kahului; 242-7469; mauiarts.org

STAGE “MARY POPPINS” A DANCE PRODUCTION - Sun, Feb 13. Can you think of a more precious way to spend Valentine’s Eve? Join Alexander Academy of Performing Arts and friends for a fun ballet based on the stories of Mary Poppins. Two performances: 2pm & 6pm. $20 / $25. Maui Theatre, 878 Front Street (Old Lahaina Center), Lahaina; 661-9913; mauitheatre.com THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES - Sun, Feb 13. Featuring Kathy Collins, Rochelle Dunning, Marilyn Hirashima, Sodengi Mills, and Kristi Scott. A benefit for Women Helping Women of Maui. See This Week’s Picks for more. $20. 6pm. Steppingstone Playhouse, Queen Kaahumanu Center, 275 W. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 242-6600 “COUPLES” - Mon, Feb 14. Five intriguing, couplecentric vignettes. If you previewed “The Matterhorn” and “So Tell Me About This Guy...” at last week’s Maui Fringe Festival, you already know this is sure to be a lovely event. Plus, roses will be available for sale to further woo your sweetheart. Free. 6:30pm. Iao Theater,

MON - Ashley Welte / TUE - Ras Shaggai / WED - Rene Alonzo (All 7pm - Close; No Cover) 68 N. Market St., Wailuku; 242-6969; mauionstage.com CIRQUE POLYNESIA - Mon-Sat. It’s Circue du Soleil meets Polynesian hula with amazing high-wire acts, aerial acrobatics and illusions, and mind-boggling contortionist and balancing-acts. Call for their Kama’aina special. Starting at $62; Deals for kids.

6pm. Hyatt Regency Maui Resort & Spa, 200 Nohea Kai Dr., Kaanapali; 667-4540; maui.hyatt.com

FOODIE $10 BENEFIT BREAKFAST BUFFET - Sun, Feb 13. Enjoy an onolicious bevy of breakfast/brunch munchables — all for a good cause! In conjunction with the Aluminum Man Biathlon Series, this buffet will benefit the Legacy of Aloha program. $10. 9-11am. Duke’s Beach House, 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina; 662-2900; dukesmaui.com GIRLS NIGHT OUT - Tue, Feb 15. You know, ‘cause girls just wanna have fun. This four-course fondue extravaganza features a martini bar, trunk shows and the chance to win lots of goodies. What are you waiting for? This night is a blast. Reservations recommended. $35 per person. 5-9pm. The Melting Pot, 325 Keawe St., Ste. A202, Lahaina; 661-6181; meltingpot.com FREE VEGETARIAN COOKING CLASSES - Tue, Feb 15.

See (and sample!) how Andrea Bertoli, Down to Earth’s vegan chef, uses local, organic and wholesome ingredients to make healthy and delicious entrées, soups, breakfasts, and deserts. Free. 5:30-6:30pm. Down to Earth, 305 Dairy Rd., Kahului; 877-2661; downtoearth.org FRIENDS OF DOROTHY DINING CLUB - Tue, Feb 15.

This Maui GLBT social dinner club meets every third Tuesday of the month. This month’s Both Sides Now hots are Janet Royer, Jane McCord, Jack Berberich and Steve Kruy. 6-8pm. Betty’s Beach Cafe, 505 Front St. #120, Lahaina; 662-0300; bettysbeachcafe.com

ANNOUNCEMENTS CALL FOR ENTRIES: ART OF TRASH - So, you’ve been saving up those buckets full of bottle caps for six years now, wanting to assemble them as clouds in a Alexander Calder-esque mobile. (Good. It’s not just me...) Well, you’d better get on it! Submission day for the annual Art of Trash exhibit is on Satur-

FEBRUARY 10, 2011 23

24 FEBRUARY 10, 2011

TheGRID

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

02/10

02/11

02/12

02/13

02/14 - 02/16

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

KAHALE’S

Eight Track Players

Kahala

MON, TUE & WED - Da-Ha-Y-Ns

Ben & Glenn

Sam Ahia

MON & TUE - Sam Ahia

Billy & The Bad Dogs 9pm-12am

Bad Kitty 9pm-12am

Gina Martinelli Band

MON - “Just Having Fun” Karaoke Night / TUE - Pool League Night / WED - Kiwi Cowboys, 9pm-12am

KOBE STEAKHOUSE

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Aunty Toddy Lilikoi

Karaoke & Dancing w/ Aunty Toddy Lilikoi

LONGHI’S LAHAINA

Crazy Fingers 9pm - 1am; No Cover Karaoke w/ Manino 7:30-11pm; No Cover

MON - Service Industry Night WED - Karaoke w/ Manino, 7:30 - 11 pm

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei 875-7711

KIMO’S

845 Front St., Lahaina - 661-4811

KIWI ROADHOUSE

95 E. Lipoa St., Ste A101, Kihei - 874-1250

Vince Esquire 1810 Daneyl Alana 9pm-12am

136 Dickenson St., Lahaina - 667-5555

888 Front St., Lahaina - 667-2288

LULU’S KIHEI

1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-9944

LULU’S LAHAINA

Lahaina Cannery Mall - 661-0808

Kenny Roberts

Salsa w/ Nat, 8-11pm DJ Nexus, 11pm -Close

Louise Lambert, 7:3010:30pm DJ Canespider, 11pm-Close

Easy Listening w/ Neto 8-10pm DJ AstroRaph, 10pm-Close

Classic Rock Thursdays w/ Howard Ahia

Cyrus Clark

Halemanu CD Release Party feat. An Den, Gomega, One Inity & Alika

MON - Service Industry Night w/ All Access DJ & Junior / WED - Ladies Night w/ DJ Twizzy MON - Speed Dating, 10pm; No Cover WED - Open Mic Night, 10pm; No Cover

MAUI BREWING CO.

Kahana Gateway Center - 669-3474

MERRIMAN’S

Ranga Pae

MOANA CAFE

Phil & Angie Benoit

1 Bay Club Pl., Kapalua - 669-6400

71 Baldwin Ave., Paia - 579-9999

MULLIGAN’S ON THE BLUE 100 Kaukahi St. Kihei - 874-1131

Trish”The Dish” Smith’s Pub Quiz Night

OCEANS BAR & GRILL 1819 S. Kihei Rd. - 891-2414

PINEAPPLE GRILLE

200 Kapalua Drv. Lahaina - 669-9600

day, April 16 (the exhibition opens Saturday, April 22). Entry forms are available at all public libraries or by e-mailing. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; Wilma Nakamura: 573-3911 SAVE THE WHALES - Volunteers are needed at Pacific Whale Foundation’s annual Whale Day Celebration on Saturday, February 19. Not only are you helping save the whales, you’ll also get a free T-shirt for putting in a three-hour shift. Plus, there’s still space for crafters and food vendors. Interested? Call or go online for more information. Pacific Whale Foundation, Call 856-8320 to volunteer or 856-8317 for booth applica; mauiwhalefestival.org GOOD DEED = CLEAN GARAGE - Got usable paint, clothes or household items? In the spirit of laulima, get it out of the garage/garbage and into hands who can can make good use of it, by taking it to the Community Work Day Program. 8am-4:30pm. Community Work Day Program Headquarters, 420A Old Puunene Ave., Puunene; 877-2524; cdwhawaii.org

EVENTS THURSDAY, FEB 10 MUSICAL DOLPHIN EXPERIENCE - Immerse yourself in the beauty of the deep blue and experience “dolphinicities of the heart,” with multimedia presentations, sacred song and humor. Hosted by songwriter, photographer and visionary Matisha. A pre-party to the Raw Spirit Festival. $10. 7pm. Blue Lotus House, 1158 Uluniu Rd., Kihei; 928-308-2146 / 895-2213; rawspirit.com / bluelotushouse.com

FRIDAY, FEB 11 OPENING RECEPTION: FEBRUARY FEATURED ARTIST CRYSTAL JEAN BARANYK - Preoccupied with the psychology behind media and meaning, Baranyk considers the “framing” of artwork to be central to its theme. Enjoy refreshments and good conversation at this opening reception. Free. Lahaina Arts Society Courthouse Gallery, 648 Wharf St., Lahaina; lahaina-arts.com RAW SPIRIT FESTIVAL - Continues through Tuesday, February 15. Cleanse and feast on fresh tropical fruits and organic vibrant raw vegan cuisine — all

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

Ranga Pae

DJ Music Current Swell 9pm; $5

Jazz on the Blue 7-10pm; No Cover

DJ Stylz 10pm-Close

Dani Girl & Rampage 10pm-Close ; No Cover

Jawaiian Music w/ DJ Bruddah Damien

TUE - Open Mic Night The Celtic Tigers, 6-9:30pm / Big John, 10pm-12am

MAUI OPEN STUDIOS 2011: NORTH, CENTRAL AND UPCOUNTRY STUDIOS - Sat & Sun, Feb 12 & 13. The second of three weekends of the first annual Maui Open Studios (stay tuned for next week’s East Maui open studios). Take a self-guided tour through the studios and exhibition spaces of Maui artists and artisans. Free. 10am-6pm. mauiopenstudios.com

BLACK HEARTS PARTY - “We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person. One day, the fantasy evaporates and with it, love dies,” says Spanish philosopher Jose Ortega y Gasset. With those sentiments in mind, the Get Banged salon encourages everyone to dress in black, red, lacy or bloody costumes (best dressed wins two free haircuts and two free massages). Be sure to BYO beer and musical instruments. No Cover.

12pm. Get Banged, 824 Kokomo Rd., Haiku; 269-5632

IAO VALLEY - Diane Ybarra, painter (633-4485).

FILM SCREENING: “KE KULANA HE MAHU: REMEMBERING A SENSE OF PLACE” - This fulllength documentary, written and directed by Kathryn Xian and Brent Anbe, talks about the effects colonization and homophobia have had on Hawaiian people and culture. Free. 6-9pm. University of Hawaii Maui College - Kalama 103, 310 Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 984-3500; maui.hawaii.edu MAUI OPEN STUDIO’S FRIDAY NIGHT ART NIGHTS Enjoy wine and the sounds of Russian harpist Tatyana, at this Maui Open Studios satellite event. Presented by the Arts Education for Children Group (AECG), a nonprofit organization dedicated to providing opportunities for artistic and cultural enrichment for the Maui community. Continues on February 18 & 25. Free.

6:30-9pm. Gallery Oceania - Maui Open Studios Satellite, 780 Front St., Lahaina; mauiopenstudios.com

SATURDAY, FEB 12

MON - Valentine’s Day w/ Joyce Gord & Jimmy C; Noche Libre / Tue - Murray Thorne; Tin Can Comedy w/ Shaggy Jenkins / WED - Jordan & Wolf TUE - Latin Dance Party. 10pm

Smooth Jazz Sounds w/ Brian Cuomo & Friends, 7pm -10m

prepared by vegan chefs who love to “love-vibe” their scrumptious offerings. Plus, sunrise affirmations, twice-daily yoga, inspirational music, uplifting dance, raw food demos and free tastings, playshops, whale watching, dynamic outdoor living classes, adventure excursions to sacred sites, kayaking, snorkeling with turtles and so much more. Please visit blisscamp.us for a full list of 40 performers and detailed information.1136 Uluniu St., Kihei; 928-308-2146

OPENING RECEPTION: TRIBUTE TO THE WHALES - An artist reception and onstage tribute to whales, opening a three-week-long exhibition of mixed-media visual art. Opening night features poetry and dance performances. See This Week’s Picks for more. Free. 5:30-7:30pm. Maui Mall, 70 E. Kaahumanu Ave., Kahului; 871-1307; mauimall.com

TUE - David Choy / WED - Ranga Pae

KAHAKULOA - Turnbull Studios, sculptors (2440101; turnbullstudios.org).

WAILUKU/WAIKAPU - James Warren Hanlon, surrrealist (283-1894; jameshanlonart.com); Mark MacKay, painter and sculptor (249-26229; markmackay.com); Michael Neal, woodworker and photographer (344-0625; nealstudios.net); Rob O’Connor, painter (250-2149; mothdustz.com); Kamalani Rose, illustrator and watercolorist (205-1151; empowerededucation.org); Renee Wilcox, mixed media artist (2509933); Dorothy Wissmar, glass worker and silversmith (242-5084; mauiglassartists.org/artists).

KAHULUI - Roger B. Stephens, painter (877-0877).

PAIA - Tania Arens, printmaker and tattoo artist (268-3352; taniaarens.com); Julie Houck, painter (873-0597; juliehouck.com).

HAIKU - Connie J. Adams, watercolorist (575-5059; connijadams.com); Kathleen Alexander, watercolorist (650-455-0998; kathleenalexanderwatercolors. com); Cudra Clover, silk painter (280-7336; cudraclover.com); Coonens - Luana and Claudia, jewelry makers and fiber artists (510-712-3362 or 572-0461; luauanacoonen.com and surface-designs.com); Stephanie Farago, mixed media artist (573-6688; artamuse.com); Carmen Gardner, watercolorist (5737529; carmengardner.net); Willow Green, painter and photographer (283-5117; willow-art.com); Michi Itami, painter and ceramic artist (572-8516; michiitami.net); Shane Robinson, fine art photographer (7282273; shanerobinson.com); Rick Strini, glassblower (572-6283; striniartglass.com); Jennifer Valenzuela, painter (344-4259; jennifervalenzuela.com).

MAKAWAO - Tom Faught, sculptor (572-8904; tomfaught.com); Tim Garcia, sculptor (572-5597; mauisculpture.com); Anna Good, impressionist (249-2676; annagood.com); Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center, jew-

elry, ceramics and printmaking open studios (572-6560; huinoeau.com); Stephen Hynson, studio furniture (2682946); Jordanne, painter (563-0088; jordannefineart. com); Caroline Killhour, painter (280-7282; carolinekillhour.com); Lori Koprowski, painter (280-4250; lkorikoprowski.com); M&G Designs, mixed media artists (5725537; garkin.myexpose.com); Michael Neal, woodworker and photographer (344-0625; nealstudios.net); Partima Design Fine Art Jewelry (573-1303; pratimadesign.com); Carolyn Quan, photo collage artist (415-450-1307; carolynquan.com); Scott Mead Photography (573-6875; scottmeadphotography.com); Clay Simpson, sculptor (344-7979; simpsonartworks.com); Audrey Ventimiglia, glassworker (281-2229; ventimigliastudios.com).

PUKALANI - Dawn Eshelman, photographer and basket weaver (280-3624; photosynthesismaui.shutterfly.com); Jack Grace Photography (357-8103; jackgracephotography.com); Marilyn Jansen, watercolorist and author (280-1621; amaryllisofhawaii.com); Pamela Newswald, surrealist (573-2768); Virginia Pierce, painter (250-6538).

LOWER KULA - Douglas Chun, painter (876-0142; douglaschun.com); Bill Cox, glassworker (2811865; billskilncastglass.com); Janet Davis, painter (250-5860; janetdavis.com); Randy Hufford Art, photographer (878-4154; randyhuffordart.com); Worcester Glassworks (878-4000, worcesterglassworks.com); Jim Meekhof, woodturner (283-9195; jimmeekhof.com); Maui Moonbeams, doll crafts (876-0738; mauimoonbeams.com).

UPPER KULA - Georrge Allan, impressionist (8783907; georgeallan.com); Dennis Chamberlain, sculptor (298-9331; dennischamberlainart.com); Kathleen MacDonald, painter (878-6052); Kevin Omuro, ceramic artist (269-1195).

KEOKEA - Anna Keay Fine Art, painter (269-9484; annakeayfineart.com); Linddquist Lampworks, glassworker (359-1516; mauigeenstone.etsy.com) TERI GARRISON CD RELEASE - Teri Garrison brings her unique songwriting and talk story to the Hana for a CD release celebration of her latest, “It’s Just Paradise!” Three shows this Valentine’s Day weekend: Saturday & Sunday, February 12 & 13, 6-9pm, and Monday, February 14, 7:30-10pm. No Cover. Hotel Hana Maui, 5031 Hana Hwy., Hana;

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THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY

02/10

02/11

02/12

02/13

02/14 - 02/16

FIND THE GRID ONLINE AT MAUITIME.COM/GRID OR TO HAVE YOUR BUSINESS ADDED TO OUR WEEKLY GRID SEND YOUR INFORMATION TO CALENDAR@MAUITIME.COM

SANSEI - KAPALUA

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Live Music 10pm - 1am; No Cover

SANSEI - KIHEI

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

Free Karaoke 10pm - 1am; No Cover

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE

DJ Slackin 10pm - Close; No Cover

DJ Sonny 10pm - Close; No Cover

DJ LX 10pm - Close; No Cover

Seismic Chops 9pm-12am; No Cover

The Crunch Pups 9pm-12am; No Cover

Kanaka Jams 7-11pm; No Cover

Sing Along w/ Molly

115 Bay Dr., Lahaina - 669-6286

1881 S. Kihei Rd., Ste. KT116 -879-0004

1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-6444

SPORTS PAGE GRILL & BAR 2411 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-0602

STEEL HORSE SALOON 1234 L. Main St., Wailuku - 243-2206

Kanoa of Gomega 10pm - Close; No Cover

MON - DJ Blast / TUE - DJ LX / WED- The ADD Twins (All sets 10pm - Close; No Cover)

Bad Kitty

Ah-Tim

Supper Club feat. Paula Fuga, Mike Love, and Sam Ites, 6-9pm

STOPWATCH SPORTS BAR

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9:15pm-12am; No Cover

Jerry Caires Jr. Band 9pm-1am; $3

Karaoke w/ Pearl Rose 9pm-12am; No Cover

TIA JUANA’S

Randall Rospond & Rand Coon, 10pm-12am Arise

Mana Maoli Collective feat. Anuhea & John Cruz

Jamy & The Bottom Heavy Jam Band

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

Karaoke

MON through WED- Karaoke

Industry Night 9pm-2am; No Cover

Undone w/ Q Ross 9pm-2am; $10

Spun Out w/ DJ Calcul8 9pm-2am; $10

Closed

MON - WED - Closed

Soul Lounge 8-10pm

Island Essence w/ DJ Zinn 8-10pm

Get Fresh Fridays w/ The A.D.D. Twins, DJ AstroRaph & DJ Decka, 8pm-1:30am; $10 (all ages)

College Night w/ Next Level Entertainment feat. DjC w/ Jay Jay, 9pm-2am; $5/$10 (all ages)

Ohana Groove 10pm

Ladies Night w/ Next Level Entertainment, 10pm

Free Karaoke

MON - Free Karaoke / TUE - Thirsty Tuesday & Free Karaoke / WED - Free Karaoke

STELLA BLUE’S

1279 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei - 874-3779

1127 Makawao Ave., Makawao - 572-1380

2291 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Ka’anapali - 662-2762

THREE’S BAR & GRILL 1945 S Kihei Rd., Kihei - 879-3133

TIFFANY’S

1424 L. Main St., Wailuku - 249-0052

TIMBA

505 Front St, Ste. 212, Lahaina - 661-9873

TROPICA

2365 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Ka’anapali - 662-2762

THE UNDERGROUND 744 Front St., Lahaina

WATERCRESS

Waiehu Beach Center, Wailuku-243-9350

WOW-WEE MAUI’S

333 Dairy Rd. #101, Kahului - 871-1414

248-8211; hotelhanamaui.com/dining WORK OUT LINE AT HUI ALOHA CHURCH, KAUPO Continues on Sunday, February 13. Share your aloha “sweat equity” at this communal work weekend and preserve this sacred Kaupo monument. Peeps with professional carpentry knowledge and/or tools are most welcome. Please be sure to bring your own drinks and foodstuffs (though a communal Saturday dinner and Sunday brunch will be provided by Hui Aloha). And, be ready to camp overnight on the church grounds. A local band will perform on Saturday night (a $10 donation will help toward their gas and equipment). 8am. Hui Aloha Church, Stephan: 248-7464 AN EVENING WITH THE WHALE EXPERTS Speakers include Bryant Austin, who’s created the world’s largest and most detailed body of photographic work on the subject of whales, Ari Friedlaender, a research scientist from Duke University, Greg Kaufman, who’s studied humpbacks for more than three decades, and Corey Ryder, a filmmaker who’s credits include 2009’s “The Cove.” . Free.

5:30-8:30pm. Westin Maui Resort & Spa, 2365 Kaanapali Pkwy., Lahaina, HI, 96761, Lahaina; 2498811; mauiwhalefestival.org OPENING RECEPTION: “H.I.V.E. HONEY INVOLVES VENOMOUS ENTITIES” - Esmeralda Padilla graduated from CalArts with a BFA in experimental animation.

Through sculpture, puppetry, textiles, and animation, her works weaves personal experience with mythology and socio/environmental concerns. Padilla’s showcase “H.I.V.E.” is a series of sculptures and textiles honoring the bee colony, inspired by her cohabitation with them and the important role bees have played in Hawaiian culture and ecosystems. No Cover. 7pm.

Paia Tattoo Parlor, 120 Hana Hwy., Paia; 579-8515

SUNDAY, FEB 13 INDULGE IN CHOCOLATE FOR A GOOD CAUSE The Italian American Club of Maui hosts a scholarship fundraiser in beautiful Ulupalakua, with a chocolate dessert party the ranch pavilion (1:30-3:30pm).

Ikaika Blackburn 10pm

Supper Club feat.

Eric Gilliom & Barry Flanagan, 6-9pm

WED - DJ Mania Dancing 9pm-12:30am; $5

Karaoke No Cover; 8pm Be sure to come early for lunch at the Ranch Store & Grill (11:30-12:30), wine tasting at the Tasting Room (12:30-1pm) and winery tour (1pm). $12. 11:30am3:30pm. Ulupalakua Ranch, Hwy. 37, Kula; 876-1964 / 283-8404; italianamericanclubofmaui.com UNVEILING RECEPTION OF “UP LIFT – BASKET OF ABUNDANCE & GRATITUDE” - See this week’s Arts & Entertainment feature for more. Free.

2-5pm. Hui No’eau Visual Arts Center, 2841 Baldwin Ave., Makawao; 572-6560; huinoeau.com ANNUAL “ANTI-VALENTINE’S DAY” - Ambrosia invite singles to “flaunt your freedom and mock those that are tied down by the ol’ ball and chain.”

Tonight, boogie to DJ CIA. Party continues tomorrow (February 14). No Cover. 10pm. Ambrosia, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com

MONDAY, FEB 14 ROMANTIC VALENTINE’S DAY DINNER CRUISE Join the Pacific Whale Foundation for an unforgettable Valentine’s Day dinner at sea. During this two-hour cruise, indulge in a three-course dinner, cocktails and live music — with spouting whales in the sunset. Two departure times from Lahaina Harbor — either 5pm or 5:30pm. Reservations required. Save 10 percent by booking online, or 20 percent by become a PWF member. $84.95.249-8811; pacificwhale.org VALENTINE’S DAY DINNER WITH GAIL SWANSON - The lovely Gail Swanson performs during two special dinner seatings, at 5:30pm and 7:30pm.

Stella Blues Cafe, 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei; 874-3779; stellablues.com GORDON SAMUELSON WITH KEN STOVER - Saxophonist Gordon Samuelson is joined by pianist Ken Stover — because everyone wants a little sax on Valentine’s Day. Reservations recommended. No Cover. 6-9pm. Pita Paradise Wailea, 34 Wailea Gateway Plaza, Wailea; 879-7177 ANNUAL “ANTI-VALENTINE’S DAY” - Continued from Sunday (February 13). Enjoy the jazz and blues sounds of Estee Graham and Toby Couture.

MON - Valentine’s Day w/ Gail Swanson, 5:30pm & 7:30pm / TUE - Tom Conway / WED - Randall Rospond / Slam feat. David Choy

MON, TUE & WED - Dat Guyz; No Cover No Cover. 10pm. Ambrosia, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei; 891-1011; ambrosiamaui.com “SCREW CUPID” PARTY - Featuring the one and only Gomega. See This Week’s Picks for more. No Cover. 10pm. Diamonds Ice Bar & Grill, 1279 S. Kihei Rd. # 314, Kihei; 874-9299 CELEBRATE SINGLE LIFE WITH SPEED DATING Need a date for V-day? How about a bunch of dates?

Love is in the air at the Brew Co.’s “casual speed dating social.” No Cover. 10pm. Maui Brewing Co. Brewpub, Kahana Gateway Center, 4405 Honoapiilani Hwy., Kahana; 669-3474; mauibrewingco.com

WEDNESDAY, FEB 16 DISCUSSION: SUSTAINABLE SOLUTIONS FOR WEST MAUI - West Maui Sustainability hosts Jennifer Chirico, executive director of the Sustainable Living Institute of Maui (SLIM). Discussion topics include waste water reduction, recycling, composting, and food security. Free. 6-8pm. Lahaina Civic Center, 1840 Honoapiilani Hwy., Lahaina; 667-5058; sustainablemaui.com/institute.html WOW! WAILEA ON WEDNESDAYS - Oahu ‘ukulele virtuoso Taimane Gardner performs. Free.

6:30-8pm. The Shops at Wailea, 3750 Wailea Alanui, Wailea; 891-6770; shopsatwailea.com

DINNER MUSIC WEST MAUI CANOES - Sun, Live Jazz 3-6 pm; Fri & Sat, Ras Shaggai 5:30-8:30pm. 1450 Front St., Lahaina, 808-661-0937.

COOL CAT CAFE - Every Thu, Jr. & Oren; Every Fri & Sat, Dave Carroll; Every Sun, Erin Smith; Every Mon, Peter D’Aquino; Every Tue, Live Jazz; Every Wed, Ryan Palma (all sets 7:30-10pm). Wharf Cinema Center, Front St., Lahaina, 808-667-0908.

DUKE’S BEACH HOUSE - Thu, Ernie 3–5pm, Garrett & Peter 6–8:30pm; Fri, Garrett 3-5pm, Kulewa6-8:30pm; Sat, Mondo 3-5pm, Kulewa 6-8:30pm; Sun, Mondo

3-5pm, Erine & Miles 6-8:30pm; Every Mon, Tue & Wed, Brian 3-5pm, Damien & Edee 6-8:30pm. 130 Kai Malina Pkwy., Lahaina, 808-662-2900.

HARD ROCK CAFE - Every Thu, all-ages Open Mic Night 9pm; Every Mon, Kulewa 7:30-10pm; Every Tue, Ryan Palma 7:30-10pm; Every Wed, Erin Smith 7:3010pm. 900 Froont St., Lahaina, 808-667-7400.

HULA GRILL - Thu, Bruddah Larry 11:30am-1pm, Ernest Pua’a 2-4pm, Armadillo 4:15-6:15pm, Kulewa 6:30-9pm; Fri, Ernest Pua’a 11:30am-1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 2-4pm, 1810 4:15-6:15pm, Kawika, Roy, & Tarvin 6:30-9pm; Sat, Jack Stone 11:30am-1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 2-4pm, 1810 4:15-6:15pm, Wili Pa 6:30-9pm; Sun, Ron Hetteen 11:301pm, Kawika Lum Ho 2-4pm, 1810 4:15-6:15pm, Derrick Sebastian Trio 6:30-9pm; Mon, Ernest Pua’a 11:30am1pm, Kawika Lum Ho 2-4pm, Armadillo 4:15-6:15pm, Derrick Sebastian & Josh Kahula 6:30-9pm; Tue, Kawika Lum Ho 11:30am-1pm, Jarrett Roback 2-4pm, Ernest Pua’a 4:15-6:15pm, Ernest Pua’a & Friends 6:30-9pm.; Wed, Mika Villaren 11:30am-1pm, Ernest Pua’a 2-4pm, Peter DeAquino 4:15-6:15pm, Ernest, Roy, & Tarvin 6:309pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy., Bldg P, Lahaina, 808-667-6636.

LAHAINA PIZZA COMPANY - Every Wed, Thu & Fri, John Kane 7:30-9:30pm; Sat, Harry Troupe 7:30-9:30pm; Sun, Greg Di Piazza 7:30-9:30pm; Every Mon & Tue, Martin Tevaga 7:30-9:30pm.730 Front St., Lahaina, 808-661-0700.

LEILANI’S ON THE BEACH - Fri, The J.D on the Rocks Band 2:30-5pm; Sat, J.D. & Harry 2:30-5pm; Sun, Kilohana 2:30-5pm. Whaler’s Village, 2435 Ka’anapali Pkwy. Bldg. J, Ka’anapali, 808-661-4495.

LULU’S LAHAINA SURF CLUB & GRILL - Every Thu, Classic Rock Thursdays featuring Howard Ahia 6-8pm; Fri, Cyrus Clark 5-7pm; Every Mon, Junior 8-9:30pm. Lahaina Cannery Mall, 1221 Honoapiilani Hwy. #A1, Lahaina, 808-661-0808.

MERRIMAN’S - Wed-Sun, Ranga Pae; Mon, Benoit Jazzworks; Tue, David Choy. All sets 6-9pm. 1 Bay Club Pl., Lahaina, 808-669-6400.

PIONEER INN GRILL & BAR - Wed, Greg DiPiazza

FEBRUARY 10, 2011 27

anu@mauitime.com + @anuheayagi on Twitter

FASHION

6-8pm; Tue, Ah Tim 5:30-8:30pm 658 Wharf St., Lahaina, 808-661-8881.

ISSUE

SEA HOUSE RESTAURANT - Every Tue & Fri, Kincaid Kupahu 7-9pm; Every Sun & Thu, Andrew Kaina 7-9pm; Sat, Coehlo Morrison 7-9pm; Every Mon & Wed, Albert Kaina 7-9pm 5900 Lower Honoapiilani Hwy., Napili, 808-669-1500.

IS ALMOST HERE!

TIA JUANAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S - Thu, Randall Rospond & Rand Coon of the Haiku Hillbillys. 2291 Kaanapali Pkwy., Lahaina, 808-667-4080.

From skimpy bathing suits to flowing dresses and everything in between, Maui is a haven for casual yet chic fashion.

Our annual ode to garments looks at the hottest trends and the local shops where you can find them.

TROPICA - Every Fri, Soul Lounge 8 -10pm; Every Sat, Island Essence featuring DJ Zinn 8-10pm.

Westin Maui Resort & Spa, 2365 Kaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;anapali Pkwy., Kaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;anapali, 808-662-2762.

SOUTH MAUI AMBROSIA - Every Thu, Jamie Gallo 7pm; Every Tue, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Gleeâ&#x20AC;? Screening 7pm. Every Wed, Red Carpet Movie Night (this week: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Pulp Fictionâ&#x20AC;?)

7:30pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-891-1011 BEACH BUMS BAR & GRILL - Every Fri, Tom Cherry & Mike F. 5-9pm; Every Tue, Randall Rospond 5-8pm 300 Maalaea Rd. #1M, Maalaea, 808-243-2286.

CAPISCHE? - Every Fri & Sat, Mark Johnstone 7-10pm 555 Kaukahi St., Kihei, 808-879-2224.

HAUIâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S LIFEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S A BEACH - Every Thu, Junior Lacuesta; Fri, Mon &Tue, Rick Glencross; Every Sat, Ryan Robinson & Wolf; Every Wed, Jordan Cudworth. (All Sets 4-8pm.) Sun, Mon & Tue, Karaoke 8pm; Wed, Open Mic 9pm. 1913 S. Kihei Rd., #E, Kihei, 808-874-1250.

CALL & RESERVE YOUR SPACE TODAY! DEADLINE: FEB. 18 TH PUBLISHES: FEB. 24 TH

KIWI ROADHOUSE - Thu, Dominick 5-7pm; Fri, Mango Pickers 6-8pm; Sat, Dan Saunders Rock Band 6-8pm; Sun, Gina Martinelli Band 6-9pm; Mon, Karaoke 6pm-12am; Wed, Ron & Rob 6-8pm.

95 E. Lipoa St., Ste. A101, Kihei, 808-874-1250.

To reserve space contact: Brad at 808-283-3260 or brad@mauitime.com Tommy at 808-283-0512 or tommy@mauitime.com

LULUâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S KIHEI - Fri, Salsa Lessons 7-8pm & Salsa Music w/ Neto & Barbara 8-11pm; Fri, Hula Show 5-7pm; Every 2nd & 4th Fri, Louise Lambert Band feat. Jose Ortiz & Shea Argel; Sat, Hula Show 6-8pm; Sat, Easy Listening w/ Neto 8-11pm; Sun, Karaoke w/ Manino 7:30-11pm; Mon & Tue, Easy Listenting w/ Terry 5-7pm; Wed, Karaoke w/ Toby 7:30-11pm. 1945 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-879-9944.

PHOTO BY SEAN MICHAEL HOWER

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28 FEBRUARY 10, 2011

BY ANU YAGI

CALENDAR

THE

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MONSOON INDIA - Every Sat, Romantic Violin & Guitar Duets by Cambria Moss & Ricardo Dioso 6:30-8:30pm; Mon, Louise Lambert 6-9pm; Every Tue, Hula Honeys 5:30-8:30pm 760 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-875-6666.

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MULLIGANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ON THE BLUE - Fri, Gail Swanson, 6:308:30pm; Sat, Jazz on the Blue 7-10pm; Sun, Celtic Tigers w/ Mad Bagpiper Roger McKinley 6-9:30pm; Mon, Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day w/ Joyce Gord and Jimmy C 6:30pm; Tue, Murray Thorne 6:30-8:30pm; Wed, Lima Wela 6:30-8:30pm. 100 Kaukahi St., Wailea, 808-874-1131.

PITA PARADISE WAILEA - Sun, Benoit Jazzworks 5:30-7:30pm. Mon, Gordon Samuelson (request your favorite love song for Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day!) 34 Wailea Gateway Plaza, Wailea, 808-879-7177.

SOUTH SHORE TIKI LOUNGE - Every Thu, Erin Smith; Every Fri, Randall Rospond; Every Sat, Tom Conway; Ev-

ery Sun, Viva La Rumba; Every Mon, Kanoa; Every Tue, Sebrina Barron; Every Wed, Wolf. (All Sets 4-6pm) Kihei Kalama Village, 1913 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-874-6444.

STELLA BLUES CAFE - Every Thu, Ah Tim 4-6pm; Every Fri, Ahumanu 4-6pm; Fri, Supper Club feat. Paula Fuga, Mike Love and Sam Ites 6-9pm; Sun, Supper Club feat.

Barry Flanagan and Eric Gilliom 6-9pm; Mon, Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Day with Gail Swanson 5:30pm & 7:30pm; Every Tue, Tom Conway4-6pm; Every Wed, Randall Rospond 4-8pm, Slam featuring David Choy 7-10pm; 1279 South Kihei Rd., # 201, Kihei, 808-874-3779.

TAQUERIA CRUZ - Every Tue & Sat, Live Music Reggae, Jazz, Blues 5:30-8:30pm 2395 S. Kihei Rd. #112, Kihei, 808-875-2910.

THREEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S BAR & GRILL - Thu, Live Jazz; Fri, Jeff; Sat, Steff Lomeli; Mon, Cyrus Clark; Tue, Sammy Rouisse.

(All sets 7pm) 1945-G S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-879-3133.

THE RED BAR AT GANNONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S, A PACIFIC VIEW RESTAURANT - Thu, Fulton Tashombe & Special Guests 6-8pm; Tue, Braddah Larry Golis 6-8pm Wailea Golf Club House, 100 Wailea Golf Club Dr., Wailea, 808-875-8080.

TRADEWINDS POOLSIDE CAFE - Every Thu, Island Favorites w/ Kawika Lum Ho; Every Fri, Girls Nite Out w/ Gina Martinelli; Every Sat, Classic Rock w/ Domi Mon, Bobby Ingram & Franklin Russell; Every Tue, Mike and Mark; Every Wed, Steve Sargenti.

All no cover. 2259 S. Kihei Rd., Kihei, 808-891-8860.

CENTRAL MAUI ALE HOUSE - Fri, Hawaiian music with Braddah Francis 4-8pm & Tue 4-7pm. 355 Kamehameha, Kahului, 808-877-9001.

CAFE Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;LEI AT THE DUNES AT MAUI LANI - Every Thu, Reiko Fukina 5:30-8pm; Every Fri & Sat, Phil and Angela Benoit 5:30-8pm.1333 Maui Lani Pkwy., Kahului, 808-877-0073.

CARY & EDDIEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S HIDEAWAY RESTAURANT Every night, Francois on piano; Every Fri & Sat, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Early Late Nightâ&#x20AC;? live music until 11pm; Every Sun, Fausto on acoustic guitar during brunch.

500 N. Puunene Ave., Kahului, 808-873-6555.

UPCOUNTRY MAUI CAFE DES AMIS - Every Thu, Joe Conte plays The Chapman Stick; Every Sat, Live Argentinian Music; Every Wed, The Stone Violets 6:30-8:30pm. 42 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 808-579-6323.

GREEN BANANA CAFE - Every Tue, Thu & Sat, Polynesian Dance Coffee Luau 6pm.137 Hana Hwy., Paia, 808-579-9130.

LOCAL MOCHA CAFE - Fri & Sat, Live Music 6-8pm. 81 Makawao Ave., Pukalani, 808-573-2859.

MAX WORLD BISTRO - Thu, Rodney K.; Fri, Benny Uyetake; Sat, Gerit Williams; Sun, Danyel Alana Trio & Damon Parillo; Tue, Rakhal Kincaid; Wed, Brooks Maguire (all sets 6:30-9:30pm). 810 Kokomo Rd., Haiku, 808-575-2629.

MOANA BAKERY & CAFE - Every Thu, Phil & Angela Benoit 6:30-8:30pm; Every Tue, Open-Mic 6pm. 71 Baldwin Ave., Paia, 808-579-9999.

Kula Kid is out this week. To read what she was going to write, visit: mauifeed.com/kulakid

BY CAERIEL CRESTIN

HOROSCOPE

sign.language.astrology@gmail.com +

Sign Language

QUIZunderstood ANSWERS ...to questions on page 6

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18) Valentine’s Day is a brilliant piece of marketing. Not only is selling stuff and experiences related to this invented holiday worth billions of dollars, anyone who’d criticize it is obviously a lonely, bitter person with a case of sour grapes. Despite my sarcasm, there are valid criticisms of the holiday; and also valid reasons to enjoy it as a celebration of traditional romance. Like a situation cropping up this week, there’s no right or wrong way to look at it. These multiple perspectives are all equally accurate—and purely reflective of the person doing the looking. Before you react badly to someone’s contrary opinion, please try to remember that it’s as legit as yours—just less cool.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20) What may seem like a foregone conclusion actually isn’t. The supposedly overwhelming evidence leading to said conclusion is purely circumstantial and a matter of perspective. Presented in a different way or at a different time, the ending could wind up altogether different from what you expected. If you didn’t like what you thought was about to happen, you should strive to change things up so people are liable to see the scenario differently. If you were heavily attached to the predicted outcome, you may still get your way, but prepare yourself for a surprise upset; it might still happen.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19) Sour grapes could be just the flavor you’re looking for.

Instead of whining about the situation that didn’t turn out as you’d hoped, try to see the benefits of this particular outcome. In retrospect, you might figure out that the way things played out was actually better than what you’d been aiming for—in which case that sour grape flavor might be a bit of a happily acquired taste. Silver linings abound in all of this week’s dark clouds. They may require some hard soul-searching and a radical shift in perspective to see—but they’re there.

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20) You’re behaving like a high-strung dog who jumps and trembles at any loud noise. While a canine may not quite have the wherewithal to use logic to curb her fight-or-flight instinct, you’ve quite a bit more brainpower at your disposal.

You may have more reason than she does to get all worked up, but in the end your knee-jerk reaction to unpleasantness or surprises isn’t likely to help things; realize that. Be more proactive than pure reflex allows; this will require more planning and problem-solving than you’ve heretofore applied, but nothing you’re not capable of.

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20) The pattern you think you’re beginning to grasp doesn’t actually exist, or at least can’t be counted on as fact. Our brains are busy little things, always making connections, drawing parallels, and extracting order from chaos. It’s a survival mechanism. But sometimes coincidences are just that, and the “pattern” is just happenstance. That’s almost certainly the case this week. I’m not going to call you paranoid or delusional—things haven’t gotten quite so far as that. However, you’ve entered the close end of that continuum. Back off and chill out before you proceed any further down that path.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22) The things that annoy you shouldn’t. I’m not suggesting that what you’re feeling is wrong, or that you’re not feeling it. I’m just saying that if you had more important stuff on your plate, the petty shit you’re vexed about wouldn’t even make a blip on your radar. This is your perpetually busy brain giving you something to do. If you really think about it, I’ll bet you don’t much like this nitpicky version of yourself. Fill up your agenda with stuff that truly matters, so you can stop getting worked up over the shit that doesn’t.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22) Everyone knows “that guy.” You care about him, but there doesn’t seem to be much you can do to help him with his problems, even when he asks. Even though it’s obvious to you that many of those difficulties are self-created, it’s virtually impossible to convey that to him; half of what you say fails to register. What do you do? Write him off as a lost cause and move on? That’s likely tempting, especially given that you’re probably right that nothing you do or say will generate significant change. But you might be wrong. Based on that possibility, and also because it’s simply good to help people (even “lost causes”) when you can, don’t give up.

1. Newman 2. Sen. Dan Inouye (5,008 “likes” to Sen. Dan Akaka’s 1,876 “likes”) 3. A wedding feast

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22) You do love a list. You’ve always functioned well with a tangible set of clearly-articulated goals, and you’re generally well-motivated by the pure satisfaction of crossing those agenda items off your list. Sometimes, though, you need more than that little reminder—you need a real kick in the ass. This week, pick an objective or two you’ve been dragging your feet on and figure out what it’ll to take to get you to finally get to work: reminders that are harder to ignore, a deadline (perhaps enforced by someone else), or even a bribe (“If I do this, I’ll buy myself that.”). Then crack that whip and get to work.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22) If you miss the train this week, don’t freak out. There’s an express coming a little bit later that might even get you to your destination before the one you missed would have, or at least in much less time. Of course, this is metaphorical, not commentary about your commute. The best and shortest route to your destination isn’t always the first option that comes your way. Sometimes biding your time is your best course of action. This may be one of those times. You don’t have anything so concrete as a train schedule to consult, but I still think you should be able to get a good idea of some of your immediate options, and select one more consciously than “the first one that comes along.”

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21) Except for the very rare moment when you’ve blurted something you shouldn’t, you Scorps aren’t generally known for a tendency to over-share. In fact, you’re much more likely to be cursed for your general lack of communication. Most of the time, those who’ve stuck around have learned to forgive these oversights and applaud the efforts you’ve made to be more communicative. Once in a while, though, your inability or unwillingness to make more of an effort can really cause drama. Since this week is one of those times, may I suggest you shed your tight-lipped ‘tude and try to consistently speak up?

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC.21) Sometimes it’s within your power to bring that something extra that will make an otherwise intolerable situation tolerable, a mediocre experience memorable, and a great experience an outstanding or even life-changing one. That’s an excellent talent to have! Exercise it this week; it’ll serve you (and those around you) far better than whatever you went to school for, and get you further in life. In fact, there’s no telling what doors it may open for you; of course, passing through such doors will require you make further use of it— so this week practice, practice, practice.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19) Even you, arguably the most consistently hard-working sign in the zodiac, sometimes want nothing more than to just go home, crawl into bed, and take a nap. Do it! Obviously, if you indulged such an impulse more than occasionally, it could cause problems—but since you almost never do, you can afford to, now. You’ve earned yourself some slack, and what’s the point of such credit unless you use it once in a while? Don’t worry, this won’t be inaugurating a new lifestyle of irresponsibility and excess—in fact, the rare self-indulgence will make the rest of your working life both more meaningful and productive.

FEBRUARY 10, 2011 29

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