Repairing the Glue You Use

REPAIRING THE GLUE YOU USE CONFLICT RESOLUTION B Y M ATT H E W M I L E S

CONFLICT IS INEVITABLE. • We've all seen situations where people with different goals and needs have clashed, and we've all witnessed the often intense personal animosity that can result.

• Conflicts can arise between: – Co-workers – supervisors and subordinates – Between employees and external stakeholders, such as customers, suppliers and regulatory agencies.

– Roommates

WHAT ARE THE TOP 4 REASONS WHY CONFLICT IS CAUSED? • Personal Differences • Non-Compliance with Rules and Policies • Misunderstandings • Competition

Reference: http://xponents.com/resources/white-pages-and-articles/top-4-causes-of-conflict/

WHAT MAKES THE GLUE NOT STICK? • Difference of Opinions • Discrimination • Beliefs • Values • Performance & Review • Leadership Styles • Behavior • Miscommunication • Motivations

IMPACT POSITIVES

N E G ATI V E S

• Increased understanding

• Personal Dislike

• Better group cohesion

• Teamwork can break down

• Improved self-knowledge

• Talent become wasted as people become disengaged

Listening is the process of receiving, constructing meaning from, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages.

STEPS TO FAIR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

1. ARRANGE A MEETING WITH ALL PARTIES INVOLVED.

2. ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THERE IS A CONFLICT. MAKE SURE ALL PARTIES AGREE ON THE NATURE OF THE CONFLICT. • What led to the conflict?

• Could the conflict have been avoided?

• Was either roommate "right" or "wrong"?

• Identify important points for each argument.

• Identify positive as well as negative aspects of this mediation.

• How could the outcome have been different?

3. WHEN DISCUSSING YOUR ROLE IN THE CONFLICT, USE "I" STATEMENTS. ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO DO THE SAME.

• What were some of impacts of response?

– Connection as a result of being authentic – Courage – Compassion – Fear – Sense of worthiness or unworthiness – Pride – Creativity – Belonging – Love

4. ASK DIRECT QUESTIONS ABOUT THE SITUATION

5. CONFIRM YOUR UNDERSTANDING • For example, "If I understand correctly, this is how you see the situation..." Repeat the other person's words • Listen to the reasons the other person gives for being upset • Make sure you understand what the other person is telling you—from his or her point of view • Ask if anything remains unspoken, giving time to think before answering • Resist the temptation to interject your own point of view until the other person has said everything he or she wants to say and feels that you have listened to and understood his or her message.

Reference: http://www.edcc.edu/counseling/documents/Conflict.pdf

5. CONFIRM YOUR UNDERSTANDING...CONTINUED

WHEN LISTENING TO THE PERSON'S POINT OF VIEW, THE FOLLOWING RESPONSES ARE OFTEN HELPFUL.

Encourage the other person to share his/her issues fully • I want to understand what has upset you • I want to know what you are really hoping for.

Clarify the real issues •

Can you say more about that subject

•

Is that the way it usually happens

Reference: http://www.edcc.edu/counseling/documents/Conflict.pdf

Restate what you have heard so both are able to see what has been said • It sounds like you are saying....

Reflect feelings but be clear as possible • I can imagine how upsetting that must have been Validate the concerns of the other person while expressing appreciation • I really appreciate that we are talking about this issue

6. TELL THE OTHER PARTIES WHAT OUTCOME YOU WANT AND ASK THEM WHAT THEY WANT.

7. WHETHER YOU COME TO AN AGREEMENT, AGREE TO WORK TOWARD A RESOLUTION THAT BENEFITS EVERYONE AND SCHEDULE A FOLLOW-UP MEETING IF NECESSARY.

MEDIATION

Let’s Watch

EXAMPLES

• A first-year resident from your floor contacts you with a complaint that their roommate is really disorganized and messy, leaving their studio art supplies all over their dorm room. This resident remarks that they have been fighting about this without resolution. Resident 1 says they cannot do work or live without a clean room. Resident 2 is so stressed out about completing their studio art projects that they only have time to focus on finishing assignments and don’t have time and energy to clean up right away.

A GROUP • • • •

What are the issues?

What additional information might you need to know?

How would you address the situation?

What factors could make this situation more/less difficult to address?

• You find out that one of your residents has been staying in her friend’s room on another floor of the building for over a week. When you ask her why, she says she can’t sleep in her own room because her roommate frequently invites her significant other over at night, and they have been having sex in the room with her present. When you go to speak with the roomate, you discover that the significant other is still in the room past midnight.

B GROUP • • • •

What are the issues?

What additional information might you need to know?

How would you address the situation?

What factors could make this situation more/less difficult to address?

• A resident comes to you and says they need a room change. They don’t want to get their roommate in trouble, but believe the roommate may have been bringing illegal drugs into the room. The resident is also concerned about their roommate bringing people into the room at night, after they have gone to sleep.

C GROUP • • • •

What are the issues?

What additional information might you need to know?

How would you address the situation?

What factors could make this situation more/less difficult to address?

TAKEAWAYS

REPAIRING THE GLUE YOU USE! • Manage stress while remaining alert and calm

• From Adult Learning Perspective

• Express feelings in words, not actions.

– Adults need to be involved

• Be specific about what is bothering you.

– Experience (including mistakes) provides a basis for learning

• Control emotions and behavior • Pay attention to the feelings being expressed • Be aware of and respectful of differences • Don't generalize • Improve nonverbal communication • Embrace Vulnerability

– Adults want to see the relevance between job and personal life