STRAIGHT MATE SAMPLES
MAN TO MAN
TV and radio host James Kerley is well known to audiences of Nickelodeon, Channel V and Nova radio. But he’s not all talk, he can write, too. And he has recently penned a guide for the guys called The Man Plan. DNA: How did it feel to be one of the Cleo Bachelors Of The Year? James Kerley: It’s flattering to be a part of an elite bunch of boys like that, but a little bit scary as well. There’s this realisation of having to get in shape, but you can’t cram these things like in an exam! How do you feel about gay guys finding you sexy? It’s very flattering. I’ll take compliments where I can get them. I have been hit on by guys. In fact, at the Kylie Minogue concert while my girlfriend went to the bathroom, I had some enquiries, which is always nice. It was the who are you here with kind of line – very pleasant.
“If you could transplant Ricky Gervais’ humour into Ryan Gosling’s body, we’d be onto a winner with that package!” On the subject of Kylie, who is James Kerley’s diva? Kylie. She’s been through so much stuff and she still pumps out the tunes. What a huge fan base. And she gives so much back. I’m also a big fan of Rihanna. It’s great to see people like that bounce back. Who would you turn gay for? I’m a big fan of funny people, so if you could transplant Ricky Gervais’ humour into Ryan Gosling’s body, we’d be onto a winner with that package! I think Ryan Gosling is a very charming kind of dude. I think he’s a bit of an operator. Can you explain The Man Plan? I came up with a show concept for Channel V called B430, which is about things to do before turning 30. As I approached 30, I thought there were a few areas of my life where I had to get my shit together. So, the premise of the book is a kind of get your shit together guide for guys of any description. In your life, you go through school or higher education and work with a bit of 42 DNA
a syllabus of things to learn, but we’re not really told about the general life education stuff. I found a few mates that couldn’t cook or dress themselves, or just had certain holes in regard to what was expected of them. I kind of wrote the book for me as much as an audience. It’s all about getting some good short cuts and rules. We even have a great recipe for Eggs Benedict, where you can pull ingredients out of the cupboard and make some café quality breakfast that will inspire a return date! Even though gay men and straight men have different interests sexually, do you think deep down the book applies to all men? Yes. The 10 chapters cover a lot. Sexuality is just part of our identity and there’s common ground throughout. In the sex chapter there’s relevant stuff for guys in general. We’ve got a page on dick length where you can see if you’re above or below average. We’ve even got a dick gym in there as well. It’s a bunch of workouts to make you last longer in the bedroom. It includes tantric moves and exercises. It’s about working out your dick and it’s very cheeky. We got advice from sex therapists and tantric guys on this. Dick gym sounds like a contraption for penis bench presses! [Laughs] Maybe a kettlebell around the knob? I’m not sure about that. It paints all sorts of pictures. Well that’s a perfect segue into Balls Of Steel Australia, where you were the game show host. Working on that show was the most fun I’ve had in years. It was great just messing with people. To have real people thinking they were going on a game show to win prizes and it was all just bullshit. Do you think gay men age better than straight men? Considering most don’t have a family to errr… drag us down? [Laughs] I think you guys have a good skin regime as well. Gay men do tend to keep better. Maybe the breeders just have their wives nag it out of them, hair by hair until they’re bald and wrinkled, so they end up looking like 61, when they’re 32! Some gay men have been through a lot of shit in their lives, resulting in self loathing and image issues. As a straight man, are you aware of the troubled journey some gay men take? Oh, I can imagine it would be horrible and how the stigma would have been difficult and I’m sure you would carry those things with you. I have one chapter in my book where I get pretty serious about mental health and suicide. Suicide is the biggest killer of men under 44 in Australia. It’s
From Sarvo to Balls Of Steel Australia, James Kerley is a familiar face on Aussie TV.
shocking. My uncle killed himself 10 years ago. Guys don’t talk about that sort of stuff enough. Straight or gay, you should chat to your mates about these things. I have a chapter about how to look out for you mates and signs of depression and getting help. What is your porn name? (Your first pet and the street you grew up in.) Monty Kentwell. You can imagine a more mature sort of gentleman. Maybe silver hair and a smoking jacket. A little James Bond. Definitely a scotch drinker. I think Monty Kentwell would be gay. [Laughs] I think he’d definitely spark up a cigar when he got off you, either way. He’d look after you and treat you well. Maybe he’d be a bit of a bear? Who has been the biggest influence on your life? I did work experience with Andrew Denton a few years back. His mind is just incredible. He had some very wise words. He said to me, “a lot of people are looking for a magic door, but you are the magic door”. If you want something you really
have to work for it. He was very influential and inspiring. How will you be spending Christmas? My sister in the States is coming out, so I think we’ll all be in Sydney. I’ll also have a bit of girlfriend time. I hate the shopping, but it’s nice get everyone together, even the people in your family that you don’t like. It can be a little bit frustrating, but you always get a good story out of Christmas. Are you a jocks, boxers or freeballing man? That’s a big question! Let me have a look… tight boxer briefs. Although it’s good to occasionally mix freeballing in with wearing jocks. I’d say it’s a one to eight ratio. If anything, it’s just to wake the balls up a bit. It’s like giving them a bit of a holiday and throwing them in a hammock. What about when using the dick gym? [Laughs] They need a couple of days freeballing after the dick gym! The Man Plan is out now. For more on James Kerley visit jameskerley.com Anyone needing help can call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit Headspace at www.headspace.org.au