I have been officially in love five times, two of which were nonreciprocal.
Romantic love has inspired countless personal essays, corny creative writing, heartbroken paragraphs in my notes app and even a choreographed NCEA level three dance.
After a long-winded phone call with my brother about my recent deliciously tumultuous situationship, I realised my everlasting desire to be loved and to serve someone isn’t my fault. It’s a hereditary disease passed on to me from my dad, who’s been in love with my mum for 26 years.
He has shown me how to nurture someone to their full capacity. To pour your cup into theirs until it spills onto the counter. His love looks like quiet acts of service. From coffee on her bedside table every morning, painting her
toenails, to serenading her with Prince Tui Teka’s E Ipo on their anniversary.
2026 is the first year in six years that I haven’t been in love, and I fear it won’t last. I have realised that casual hookups are out of the question for me. It takes me a while to be able to be completely intimate with someone. But when it happens (and if it’s good), I’m hooked like an undersized terakihi in Wellington Harbour.
At this point, my friends and whānau have stopped telling me to try being single—probably hoping their reverse psychology finally pays off. But according to Ethan Hawke, talking to Amelia Dimoldenberg on the red carpet, I’m winning at life.
“The one who’s in love always wins. It doesn’t matter if you get your heart broken, you’re living when you’re feeling.”
Understanding the impermanency of love and relationships means that I will have multiple meaningful relationships throughout my life.
Regardless of the voices of reason, I will continue to become optimistically enveloped in romance.
— Aroha nui, Ruby
Flash Flood Leaves Wellington Students Flatless
Wellington Massey Campus Hit by Weather Auckland Campus GoodbyeWaves to The Sushi Lounge
editor@massivemagazine.org.nz
If unsatisfied with the response, complaints should be made to the NZ Media Council info@mediacouncil.org.nz
Kia ora e te whānau,
Ko Mani Laupama-Dobson tōku ingoa. He uri nō Ngā Rauru, Ngāti Ruanui me Ngāti Apa.
I am one of the new Kaiwhakahaere o Manawatahi in 2026 for Ngā Haumi ki te Ao! I study a Bachelor of Nursing and am in my 2nd year. It has been a really exciting journey to help lead the newly established Māori Student Association alongside 9 other Executive members. We’ve spent the week during training planning what the year is going to look like for our Māori students. I can’t wait to connect and support all of our tauira at our upcoming kaupapa such as; Noho marae, kai & kōrero, Te Huinga Tauira, sports and so much more!
Ngā Haumi ki te Ao is excited to build a safe environment for likeminded tauira, to be supported and to have fun as Māori, at Massey. It’s a big year ahead, but we’ve got a full team with the right people to make it happen!
Follow us at @manawatahi_ for all upcoming events!
STUDENT SURVEY • STUDENT SURVEY • STUDENT SURVEY
Young People’s Understanding of RSE • Young People’s Understanding of RSE
“Exploring tertiary students’ experiences of Relationship and Sexuality Education (RSE) in Aotearoa New Zealand A Massey University researcher invites tertiary students aged 18+ in Aotearoa New Zealand who completed school-based Relationship and Sexuality Education in New Zealand in the past 5 years to complete a voluntary, anonymous online survey. The study explores what was helpful, unhelpful, or relevant in RSE, and aims to inform more inclusive and meaningful education.
TUESDAY APRIL 28TH • 2026
MASSIVE
Student Magazines Concerned About Uni Comms Teams Treatment
Words by Ellice Lawrie • SHE/HER
Some of Aotearoa’s student magazines feel they are not being taken seriously by university communication (comms) teams, leaving them unable to fulfil their purpose as media outlets.
All of Aotearoa’s student magazines are editorially independent from their universities and student associations. This means they can hold their universities and student associations to account and report without external influences.
However, some student magazines said that their university comms teams are making their job difficult.
Ella Sage, the managing editor of Canta, said that University of Canterbury’s (UC) comms team don’t treat them seriously.
“I’ve had a lot of feedback from people who are saying things like the journalistic role of student media is falling back because we don’t have as much ability to get information from universities,” she said.
When mainstream media asks UC for comment, Sage felt like they get proper responses, whereas Canta don’t. She said this made it hard to do a good job.
“It’s pretty difficult when it’s our role to hold them to account and we’re trying to ask questions that nudge them towards that accountability, and we can’t get the answers we need.”
Sage said that the treatment from UC’s comms team has led to instances of their magazine not being able to support students.
She referenced a 2025 RNZ article about a UC student who left university due to allegations of cheating. But due to their comms team responses, Canta was unable to get the answers they needed.
“We were just told about the support services we have. But we didn’t get an insight into any of the processes or anything. We weren’t able to fulfil our role and discover what actually went wrong, [and] what could be changed,” she said.
“It’s really frustrating, it feels like a real system of control and power ... it feels like they’re not really taking us seriously in a lot of ways.”
A UC spokesperson said that the university has no editorial influence over student media and treated Canta like any other media outlet.
“We are not aware of any instances in which the communications team has been involved in student media content in an unethical way,” they said.
Massive Magazine’s editor, Jessie Davidson, said that there have been instances of Massey’s comms team asking the magazine to stop approaching staff for comment.
Within journalism ethics, any subject of a news story who is facing criticism or allegations must be given a right of reply before publication. This ensures that the article is balanced and accurate.
However, Davidson said that this can be hard when writing about Massey University staff members if Massive can’t approach them directly for comment.
“When we are writing an article about a staff member. We need to approach that staff member. Because ... ethically, that is what is meant to be done. It would be unfair if we were to go past the person that we are writing about.”
Davidson acknowledged that while this is the comms team doing their job, it is stopping Massive from being able to do theirs.
A Massey spokesperson said that “the Communications Team follows the same process for enquiries from Massive Magazine as it does with other media requests”.
They said the only involvement they have with Massive is “responding to requests from its journalists and providing media releases about university news”.
Liam Hansen, the associate editor of Debate, said they’ve found getting an appropriate response from the Auckland University of Technology (AUT) comms team to be an “upwards battle”.
Hansen said it’s crucial for student media to be taken seriously and run without external influences—particularly for students writing for the magazine.
“I think that student media is probably one of the strongest ways that people can get involved in media and journalism.”
There’s a level of freedom that you get within this subsection. Our little corner of media, that is really beautiful.”
An AUT spokesperson said they honoured the editorial independence of Debate and treat them like any other media outlet.
“If we don’t believe content is fair or accurate, we have in the past pointed this out and we are pleased that Debate is a member of the Media Council, showing their commitment to ethical reporting,” they said.
However, not all student magazines have had issues with their comms teams.
Critic co-editors, Hanna Varrs and Gryffin Blockley, said they’ve had a positive relationship with the University of Otago’s (UO) comms team, making them feel respected by their university.
“They’re aware that we are students, but we’re not looked down upon or considered that we are doing lower quality journalism,” Blockley said.
“I think that it’s important that students and the magazines’ concerns [are] validated, and comms teams play a massive role in that.”
Varrs agreed and said, “I was going to say it’s a privilege to have a relationship like that with our University comms teams but it’s not really, it should be the standard.”
A UO spokesperson said that they respect their student media as independent media organisations and “and treat them no differently to any other media organisation”.
They said they don’t expect to have editorial input in the magazine.
“The University understands student media needs to ask difficult questions of the University from time-to-time and ... welcomes active student media ... to be a space that develops critical thinking and social conscience,” they said.
UC Professor in Media and Communications, Donald Matheson, said that if student media is unable to fulfil its journalistic role due to comms teams, then it benefits no one.
“If independence isn’t carefully protected, student media can end up not asking the difficult questions of unis that often need to be asked,” he said.
If students feel that their magazine has any bias towards the university, Matheson said they lose trust.
“They’ll be less likely to read or watch it. They won’t come to it when they have concerns and they won’t trust it when student media publish about what’s happening on campus.”
Sean Phelan, an associate professor at Massey’s School of Humanities, Media and Creative Communication, said student media needs to remain editorially independent—particularly from comms teams.
“It is a basic democratic expectation that journalists should be able to write about the government in an independent way that will sometimes annoy politicians,” he said.
For student media to fulfil their purpose, Phelan said they must hold universities to account.
“Student media will best represent the interests of their own readers ... sometimes [they] publish legitimate news stories that university PR managers would prefer they didn’t publish.”
He recommended that all student media should have policies ensuring their editorial independence.
“In tandem, they [student media] could ask university communication managers to explicitly recognise their democratic mandate as media institutions.”
Flash Flood Leaves Wellington Students Flatless
Words by Jessie Davidson • SHE/HER
Kez Batten-Coogan was the only person awake in his Newtown flat during the early hours of April 20th when he heard a dripping sound. Getting up from his bed to investigate, he immediately found himself thigh-deep in water.
Last week, Wellington declared a state of emergency after torrential rain battered the region. Between 3am and 4am last Monday, 77mm of rain fell, leading to flooding and landslips across the city.
Batten-Coogan’s flat of five students is one of many who’ve had to evacuate their homes after a flash flood swept through the bottom level of the house.
“I was the first one who lived there who was awake. I heard a dripping sound ... and got up to see what it was and was immediately standing in so much water. Like, up to my thighs,” he said.
The bottom level of the Newtown flat had two bedrooms, a kitchen, laundry, and a living room. The top level had three other bedrooms.
Batten-Coogan immediately ran to wake up the rest of the flat who all went to go get valuable items from downstairs. However, he said that most of it was already ruined.
“My laptop was on the floor, so I reached down and got it. It’s completely ruined, but it was worth a shot. We grabbed phones, electronic stuff, and our music stuff like guitars,” he said.
“Any items that you can imagine being in a bedroom, kitchen or living room, they’re all gone and damaged.”
The five flat mates sat at the top of the stairs at 4am, watching the water rise and waiting for emergency services to come. They’d been told to stay where they were as long as they were safe.
Nikita Anderson, one of the flat mates, said the water went halfway up the walls.
“It was actively rising and the water was higher outside of our house than it was inside. We could see it gushing down the stairs to our property,” they said.
“If the downstairs area was smaller, it would have completely filled up [with water].”
As the water drained, the flat inspected the damage. All of the downstairs furniture, whiteware, TV, electronics, medication, plants, and even a drum kit were destroyed.
The group has now moved temporarily into a friend’s twobedroom flat while their landlord gets insurance to inspect the damage.
“He’s [the landlord] being really nice,” Anderson said. “There’s nothing he can do or that we can do until the insurance inspectors come.”
Newtown flat’s hallway after flash flood.
Photo: Nikita Anderson
In the hopes to replace some of their lost belongings and find further accomodation, the flat put a call out for donations on Instagram. They weren’t expecting much to come from it but said the support has been overwhelming.
“Lots of people are really nice,” Anderson said.
Flat mate Seren Rix said that the money will mostly be put towards temporary accommodation while they wait for their flat to be livable.
“Figuring out where we’re going to live for the next month, or who knows how long, is probably going to be our biggest expense. But we’ll cross that bridge as we slowly walk across it.”
If you’d like to help them out, you can donate through their GiveALittle page.
GiveALittle Page
Donations will go towards replacing myriad belongings lost, cleaning costs, and accommodation.
Wellington Massey Campus Hit by Weather
Words by Jessie Davidson • SHE/HER
After Wellington’s torrential downpours last week, a Massey University spokesperson has confirmed that all areas affected by the weather on campus have been cleaned where possible.
Last week, Wellington declared a state of emergency after torrential rain battered the region. Last Monday morning, a record 77mm of rain fell in just one hour, leading to flooding and landslips across the region.
Massey University’s Wellington campus wasn’t immune to the weather, with the Pyramid, the gym and other parts of campus flooding.
Students arrived on campus on Monday morning to find the Pyramid ground covered in mud and water from surface water run-off from the street.
Massey student Chloe Moore said that the Pyramid flooding was “pretty crazy”.
“I wasn’t expecting that to happen. It’s an evacuation point so it’s kinda scary that it flooded.”
After the state of emergency was declared in the region, the university closed from Monday afternoon until Wednesday morning.
Massey student Jenna Steward said that while she felt for those impacted by the weather, “I was kind of happy that classes got cancelled”.
Over in Massey’s gym, a deluge of rain overwhelmed an internal gutter and flooded the strength training room.
A Massey University spokesperson confirmed that there was minor flooding to other spaces on campus, but that these have been identified and fixed where possible.
“All water has been cleaned up, and any safety concerns were addressed,” they said.
The campus and the gym reopened on Wednesday 22nd of April.
Newtown flat after flash flood. Photo: Nikita Anderson
Auckland Campus Waves Goodbye to The Sushi Lounge
Words by Maya Trotman • SHE/HER
After nearly two decades, The Sushi Lounge on Massey’s Auckland campus has closed as part of a larger plan to close Quad A, Quad B, and the Business School building.
In a submission to Massive’s letter to the editor last week, a student expressed their disappointment at the closure of The Sushi Place.
“[It’s] sad because it was probably the most decently healthy thing on campus lol,” the student said.
According to past Massive articles, The Sushi Lounge owners began investigating options late last year to keep their business open upon learning that Quad B was closing.
However, a Massey University spokesperson told Massive that they after working with the owners to find an alternative location on campus for them, “the owners made the decision to close their business”.
The Food for Thought café in the Student Plaza is now selling sushi for students and staff to enjoy.
Why I picked my vape over my boyfriend...
He prefaced this tirade—as he did them all—by saying he loved me.
This had begun to feel insultingly contradictory about four sermons ago. Each rant boiled down to a critical compilation of everything about me.
His eyes darted between me and his open notes app. We’d made it to the fourth bullet point of the things he wasn’t happy with in our relationship. My attempt to recreate the warmth of our relationship with lamplight and a vanilla candle was sterilised by the cutting criticisms he served.
Six months in, we were at that weird stage where we were learning how to navigate conflict. It was not going well. Despite his repeated reassurance that it was “us
against the issue”, this was the third time that week I had sat cross-legged on my bed as a victim of the firing line.
The lists was getting longer.
He took a suspenseful breath. I leant in, anticipating that he was harbouring a substantial secret. My plastic grey chair held him while he squirmed out the last charge.
“You have to quit vaping.”
Excuse
me?
I had been vaping for around four years at that point. Ya girl had a kick for the nic. I had told him that quitting was a personal journey I would go on in my own time. God forbid a girl wants a little flavoured air.
It was the switch in his tone that turned me off. This list didn’t feel as gracious as the rest. He had removed the opportunity for open kōrero. The ultimatum was not a discussion for him—it was an order.
Words by
Kamaia Bainbridge-Frost • SHE/HER
Ngā Puhi, Waikato
Art by Māta
Ngāti
Tainui, Fasito’outa
Geiringer • SHE/HER
Kahungunu ki Te Wairoa
Lowkey, my vape had been the most consistent thing in my life. When the ultimatum hit, it felt insulting.
To me, it was simple—boyfriend or vape?
The only question on my mind was, who was here first?
Concerningly, the decision came easily. Call it avoidant attachment, hyperindependence, or (realistically) attribute it to my addiction. All these things are true.
But baby, I chose that blue razz.
Ultimatums are a timeless romantic anecdote, often a key player in many relationships. Arising from a place of frustration and concern, the ultimatum creates more tension than resolution.
They present a false reality. They simplify complex emotions into a binary choice, forcing the receiver into a corner. In my case, the choice between my boyfriend and my vape was not about the vape at all—it was about my agency.
When he framed the conversation as a demand, he stripped away any chance of us reaching a mutual understanding.
I felt conflicted. I was resentful that he was trying to control my choices and upset that I’d allowed our relationship to reach that point. I knew that love shouldn’t come with conditions like this.
To me, ultimatums signify a failure in previous communication. Instead of talking through any problems, it creates walls and barriers. Our communication had developed into a series of complaints instead of an open dialogue about our needs.
The moment one partner issues an ultimatum, it creates a power imbalance. I was being forced to choose between my autonomy and a relationship that seemed increasingly one-sided.
Creating a space for open dialogue is key to conflict resolution. Build a
healthy communicative foundation and enter spaces of hurt with compassion and aroha. There should always be an openness to kōrero before reaching an ultimatum.
Question whether your partner has opened a conversation with the goal of mutual benefit or is acting as a decision dictator.
In my case, he was trying to exert control. Your choices and feelings are valid, and your response to conflict reflects your self-worth. Don’t lose yourself in a relationship that comes with conditions.
My choice to quit vaping was an exercise in prioritising my own needs. It wasn’t about the nicotine—it was about my autonomy.
Boyfriend Shame and Instagram Brain
Wedged in-between Ariana Grande make-up tutorials and red carpet lookbooks lay one of 2025’s most divisive articles:
‘Is
Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?’
*Names changed for anonymity
This Vogue piece struck a chord with many, and hundreds of opinions flooded our feeds. Men hated every word of this article written by influencer and author Chanté Joseph. She received countless detailed death threats and abusive messages for trying to dissect heteronormative ideals—and simply existing as a woman online.
But her critiques of heterosexual relationships are far from what sent a shiver down my spine.
This article isn’t about having a boyfriend you lay in bed with into the late hours of the Sunday sun. It isn’t about sharing a language that can be spoken across a room at a busy party. It isn’t about tracing the skin you lay your head on at night. It isn’t even about the
Words by Lee Judi • THEY/THEM Art by Olive Bartlett • SHE/THEY
pain he inflicted on your soul when he forgot your birthday.
It’s about how you present your personal brand online to gain social capital in the form of likes followers.and
In true Carrie Bradshaw fashion, Joseph uses 700 words (not to mention an AI generated audio) to barely scrape the surface of the complicated modern dating scene. What could have been an interesting analysis of contemporary heterofatalism ended up being a vapid drawl about soft launching.
Out of the three women Joseph spoke to, two were influencers. So, it was unsurprising that all the conversations revolved around social media. They reported losing followers when posting their boyfriends, with one saying she would never post her partner. This led to Joseph concluding that having a boyfriend is cringe.
It’s terrifying to see people forming ideas about relationships based on Instagram likes. Has the line between reality and the virtual realm been widdled down this much?
Talking to some real women, with real lives, who have had real boyfriends, they let me know what they thought about the article.
Student and model, Mia*, says the piece immediately had red flags waving.
“I think if I thought about social media this much, I would go fucking mental.”
This article pretends to appeal to the everyday chardonnay-drinking, curtain-banged Vogue-reading girl. Really, it could have been a few google slides in an influencer PR package.
While picking at her French tips, Mia explains she agrees with Joseph’s comments about culture evolving.
Joseph writes: “The script is shifting. Being partnered doesn’t affirm your womanhood anymore; it is no longer considered an achievement.”
To this, Mia says, “I totally agree that nobody really seems to GAF [give a fuck] anymore about having a boyfriend. But this is a pretty natural feminist progression. Not a TikTok trend.”
In professor Brigitte Jordan’s paper, Blurring Boundaries: The “Real” and the “Virtual” in Hybrid Spaces, she writes about merging worlds:
“In this world, online and offline identities may overlap and interdigitate, erasing prior boundaries in social, cultural, linguistic, political, and economic domains.”
Jordan’s article perfectly illustrates and perpetuates this boundary erasure. By using examples and research purely based on online identity, she treats the digital and the physical as if they are one.
Retail worker, Moana*, says it felt eerily dissociative to read about relationships in this way.
She says, “I couldn’t help but look over at my boyfriend sitting on my bed as I read. The memories, love, and pain we’ve shared all shrunk down into a few paragraphs about image.”
The personal relationships we have tell us a lot about our cultural and political landscape. But Joseph’s social mediabased research doesn’t explore how women feel about having a boyfriend. It tells us that people, even cultural critics, are struggling to tell the difference between the world on their screens and the real people in front of them.
Towards the end of the piece, Joseph reflects on her research, saying: “As our traditional roles begin to crumble, maybe we’re being forced to reevaluate our blind allegiance to heterosexuality.”
As a queer feminist I completely agree with this statement. Although, I’m bewildered at how she got here. Through hundreds of revolts against centuries of gendered oppression, women and queer people have become disillusioned with their relationships with cis men.
Grace, a bisexual women, speaks on her recent decisions revolving her love life.
She says, “I like girls and guys pretty equally. Men have treated me like shit though so I kind of only see girls now.”
The cultural shift surrounding heterofatalism is in response to repetitive mistreatment and newfound political independence. Women have always been used and abused by men, but it’s only recently we have been systematically granted the freedom to leave. Joseph ignores this history and oversimplifies her argument by drawing on what we may think is hot or not.
With increasing uncertainty, fear, and instability, we are drawn to black and white statements about the world. Bitches hate nuance. Joseph provides security by using trendy data to declare a statement about our personal relationships. But we cannot police our own desires and human connections based on online engagement.
So, is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?
Yes No
Turn your phone off. Have a cigarette. Have a shag. Do whatever solidifies the fact that our lives are centered in the experiences of the soul and body. Not the screen.
Apainted, bloodied wooden plank with nails driven jaggedly into its side sits innocently on Demi Jonassen’s desk. Stacks of books and misshapen pieces of paper pile up in her studio. On the wall sits a plywood panel depicting a painted metal-framed bed.
It’s titled:
You Ate My Hunger for Not Feeling Alright
“Y
For the fourth-year Fine Arts student, the creative process begins with short bursts of these poetic lines.
I’m 6 Minutes in Heaven and You’re the Master Key to (Get Me Out of) Every Dead End I Defend
You’re Going to Die Holding My Left Hand
Dear Diary, Last Night I Dreamt of Something Called Love. His Kisses Were Arrows Piercing Through My Skin
These lines of deceptively obscure text then become the inspiration for Demi’s future pieces. Each line is based on either specific situations or broader emotions about a current relationship. They become the first stepping stone towards Demi’s artistic destination—to inspire conversations about love.
“The title is the most important part of the whole work,” Demi says.
These titles impact all aspects of the piece. From size, colour, repetitive patterns, and featured characters.
She says, “Sometimes I think of a word I like, and then I’ll base it on that. I think I get bursts of ideas and then I dry out for a while.”
The title blends Demi’s whimsical style with the piece’s narratives. Often, her work is misinterpreted until the title is revealed. This is because of the dreamscape, cartoony nature of her pieces.
Loved
ou Ate My Hunger for Not Feeling Alright”
“I’m 6 Minutes in Heaven and You’re The Master Key to (Get Me Out of) Every Dead end I Defeat”
At first glance, it would be incomprehensible that artwork centred around cats and carousels has been guided by intimate emotional states.
“The title takes the piece from a childish illustration to something with a bit more substance.”
For the past two years, Demi’s work has centred around autobiographical zoomorphism. A technique that uses animal forms as representations of the artist’s physical form, personal history, or bodily experiences. Demi began this practice while she was trying to figure out how to bring life to interior scenes without the human form.
Whether it be restrained by chains, stabbed with arrows, or silhouetted against the floor, Demi is always depicted in the form of a cat—an animal that symbolises mystery, sensuality, and independence.
“But there are other people that come in as well, and the animal they are depicted as depends on who they are or the relationship,” she explains.
The first time Demi experimented with zoomorphism, she says it felt therapeutic to paint a situation where she was treated badly, but the meaning was hidden. For Demi, this felt “exhilarating”.
“Dear Diary, Last Night I Dreamt Of Something Called Love. His Kisses Were Arrows Piercing Through My Skin.”
Through her own language of images and symbolism, Demi captures “fleeting moments or emotions”. The images that appear repetitively throughout Demi’s works include cats, arrows, and raw iron gates.
Demi says, “The arrows are symbols of penetration, not necessarily sexual. But something forceful, that is taken against your will.”
The iron gates, windows, and beds that are used to frame the spaces in her pieces are perceptually beautiful. But behind the aesthetics, they are used to provoke feelings of claustrophobia or intense attachment.
However intentional her symbolism has become, she doesn’t feel nervous that her secret language will be decoded.
She says, “I feel like more people should be talking about love and what it looks like.”
Demi creates her art in hopes that it will inspire budding kōrero about love in all of its forms.
However, she feels conflicted. The symbolic nature of her work means that it remains as intentionally cryptic confessions.
“I am still keeping it to myself in a lot of ways,” she says.
“This is my secret, can you figure it out?”
Even though this symbolic language has been a part of Demi’s practice for two years, she feels...
“there’s still more to be said”.
Romantic love will continue to be a significant inspiration for her artwork.
“I am obsessed with love, I spend all of my time thinking about it and creating art that is encapsulated by it,” she says.
On her desk, dried splatters of her colour palette have seeped through the wood grain. Her words twirl around the room as she explains how her practice is a window into her current journey of romance.
Demi’s artworks of dreamscapes and wonderlands are not simply narratives of a broken heart—they are declarations of love.
Like all of us, Demi Jonassen just wants to be loved.
The Psychology of Breakup Season
Words by Ellice Lawrie • SHE/HER
The term ‘breakup season’ has always been a bit of a joke to me. Obviously, there isn’t a date marked on our calendars for couples getting ready to split. However, after nearly 20 years of observing relationship cycles within my friends, there is some element of truth to breakup season.
Kirsty Ross, Massey University’s head of Clinical Psychology, says there are certain times of year that couples are more likely to break up. These are often before events that involve buying presents and surrounding yourself with those you love. Like Christmas, birthdays, or Valentine’s Day.
She says, “There are events which stimulate your thinking about your relationship and your partner in ways that do make you examine how you’re feeling about things at that time.”
There is often another round of breakups after these events—because no one wants to be dumped on Christmas.
Ross says it would be odd for a couple to break up just because their friends had. However, if someone had been thinking about breaking up with their partner already, seeing their friend do it could be a catalyst.
She explains that breakup season splits are typically slow-burn endings. They did not end from dramatic betrayals or unforgiveable actions. Instead, they come from a decision that’s been thought through.
Art by Brianna Grapes • SHE/HER
No one is breaking up a happy relationship just because the leaves are starting to fall off the trees. There will be something deeper going on.
The relationship may be gradually fading, with the couple slowly falling out of love. The relationship may end months after the initial feeling that things are going wrong. Multiple attempts to fix reoccurring issues might be failing. Or the relationship might just be transitioning to friendship.
Ross says that while these breakups seem less dramatic, this does not make them less valid.
“I think sometimes people can invalidate someone ending a relationship [during breakup season] by saying ‘oh, you just ended it because your friend ended their relationship’,” she says.
“That can be really missing the point. Someone might have been thinking about this for some time, and this might be a really well thought through decision.”
Some people believe that if you have any negative thoughts about your relationship, then your relationship must be bad. But Ross says this shouldn’t be the case. It’s healthy to be constantly checking in with yourself to see if your relationship is still working for you. Eventually, your relationship
may no longer align with who you are as a person—and that’s okay.
“The person that you might have thought was perfect for you at 18 might not be at all who you want to be with at 28 and that’s valid,” Ross says.
When breakups take place due to a slow burn ending, it can seem easier to get back with your partner because there aren’t any blaring red flags telling you not to. But after a breakup, Ross says the most important thing is to sit with the end of it.
“However, that looks like, however long that takes, but taking the time to process it.”
Everyone will have different levels of comfort in being single. As hard as it might be, Ross says that going out by yourself or hanging out with your friends is incredibly important.
Not feeling the need to be in a relationship and being happy on your own can be a hard place to get to after a breakup but it’s what you need to strive for.
So, for anyone reading this who was a casualty in this year’s breakup season— take yourself out to a movie. You deserve it.
empty spaces
There are empty spaces on my wall, paint untouched by the sun, colour unbleached, and drained, skin scraped raw, at least not yet.
A scatter of perfect squares, interrupting, breaking up, severing, a timeline of rotting memories.
These spaces echo nights of parties, laughter that bruised my ribs, the icy water that choked my breath, when we dove under crashing waves, hushed secrets whispered through a photograph, that no longer hangs.
Once, i strung my worth, to what these spaces held, i pointed proudly, at their careful, measured edges, at the ink, that outlined you and me.
But that was then, and this is now.
by Jessie Davidson • SHE/HER
I don’t like to remember the day i tore them down, it wasn’t gentle, or easy, or kind.
Claws extended, and i ripped, and i choked, through tears and snot and all.
I made a home in the emptiness, decorated myself with blame, made my bed in my flaws, played the music of my mistakes, without properly looking at yours.
But slowly, i ventured into crowded spaces, leaving the emptiness to become overgrown.
Thick, green vines weaved in, snaking over the hurt, curling through my guilt, entwining the pieces of my disjointed wall, back together.
Some days, i hardly see the emptiness at all, but it doesn’t take much, for the vines to wither, collapse, and retract.
A name spoken sideways, someone from our shared past, a song we once screeched with the windows down, a perfume twirling in the air carrying the scent of you.
They rot in my chest, the perfect squares, the echoing emptiness, the places you used to exist.
Sometimes, i miss it, the version of me and you, that existed in those squares, they were certain, confident, together.
It used to hurt more, to look at these empty spaces, but now, they remind me of the fracture line.
Why i tore through my room like a storm, why i clawed away at memories, why i didn’t stop throwing us away, why i let the wall go bare, even when it felt like i was clawing myself away with it.
There are empty spaces on my wall, and there’s a reason i’ve left them there
PARTY: Music from the C-Sides
Fri, 1 May
Lim Chhour Foodcourt
DROOK w Lunar Dirt
Fri, 1 May
The Stomach & Snails
mouth - #RRR Crook - Shoving Pining Radiata - Heard It All Before Menzies - Mash Potato Emma Carter - Burn It Down MeanOwls - Torn Identity (Manu Manu Titi)
The Sour - Your God and Mine researchintospeed - This is the Road Bunchy’s Big Score - Oscar Says ruth sparrow - butcher boy
Welcomer - Magazine Clippings (feat. Lontalius)
I live with two guys. They are my best friends but all they do is play Fortnite. Sometimes, I just want to watch a movie or go to the pub—but no. Fortnite. Fortnite. Fortnite. How do I get them out the house Mother?
Kia ora darl,
I hear you. Back in the day, I ran a very successful matriarchal commune. It nearly came to a screaming halt when our male followers grew a worrying addiction to playing Angry Bird. Even when I laid down the law and banned the game, the men started an uprising whilst all wearing Angry Bird PJs.
It was sickening, to say the least.
However, the best way to combat an addiction is to introduce another one. So, we started to feed them chocolate every time they abstained from Angry Bird. Soon enough, our matriarchal commune became overrun with chocolate—my dream.
My advice? Give them something new to latch onto. Preferably something that they could take to the pub or movies. Like chocolate!
Soon enough, their Fortnite addiction will come to an end.
Hope that helps!!
XOXO
Mother Massive
One things about me is that I WILL develop feelings at a speed that should be studied.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s not even cute anymore because at the tender age of 20, I think I’ve been in love at least 40 times already.
Men, women, situationships, the girl who complimented my outfit once, my barista, a different barista—if they’ve made eye contact with me for longer than 3 seconds, I’ve probably imagined our wedding.
And look, having crushes is fun. It’s a little hobby of mine. Keeps things exciting, until it absolutely ruins my life... like this moment recently.
I’d been seeing this girl and the vibe was insane. Super immediate, super magnetic, and I was fully like yep, this is it, lock me in.
After a few dates and some very flirty backand-forth, we end up in her car one night in a very hot make out session. Not the most glamorous setting, but romance is a mindset, people. Anyway, things escalate. I’m having a
moment. Like fully in my body, stars aligning, life is beautiful type of beat.
BUT, at the same time, I’ve been lowkey obsessed with this guy. Like a stupid, giggly, crush that I absolutely should not be entertaining while actively dating someone else. But there I am, with this gorgeous girl, eyes closed, fully caught up in the moment and my brain decides this is the perfect time to think about him.
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I cut myself off mid-syllable, but the damage is emotionally catastrophic. I shoot up out of nowhere, fully panicking, heart racing, and she’s just staring at me like ??? because from her perspective I’ve gone from loved-up to fightor-flight in 0.2 seconds all while I’m internally spiralling, questioning every life choice that’s led me to this exact moment.
Naturally, in my whimsical almost big-O state, I almost say his name. Like actually start to say it out loud.
Safe to say the crush situation has gotten wildly out of control and I’m working on only having one crush at a time now.
Stop being passive-aggressive to your boss because they won’t give you the weekend off. Maybe if you were good at your job, they would give you more freedom—but baby, you’ve been lackin’.
Usually, ‘homie hopping’ is never a good idea, but there is a friendship in your life that needs to be explored romantically—the stars have permitted you. While Venus is in Taurus, it is the perfect time to delve into this new relationship.
Your grindset has been getting in the way of making meaningful connections. People don’t want to make small talk about your work life. Try opening up this week and make a friend based on common interests instead.
Recently, your ops have been trying to creep back into your life in strange ways. But like a burning string ceremony, your connection to them will finally tether for good.
Your body is having a major crash-out, and you aren’t listening to its screams. Stop burning the candle at both ends before you burst into tears in public.
Last week was a blast from the past, but now it’s time for some closure. Write your ex a smutty letter to get all your devious cravings out of your head and onto paper. Send it or don’t send it—hopefully this will bring you some peace of mind.
Stop being anxious about making time for every relationship in your life this week. Stop stretching yourself too thin before burnout becomes your best friend.
As Venus moves into Gemini, it is the perfect time to play out some of your crazy fantasies. Remove your voice of reason for one night and indulge in some white-hot seduction. This could be a two-player game or a solo mission—so get creative!
Quit clout chasing, it’s not a good look. People are recognising your fake attitude, and it’s really turning them off. The social ladder can only be climbed so far until people start saying “mō te whakataruna”.
Get out of other people’s business, literally and figuratively. It’s getting to the point where your need for control is deeply concerning to those around you. Focus on your own life and let others be in control of their own.
You have been doing major work on yourself, and should be proud. You have been putting effort into friendships, having confrontational conversations, and making positive steps towards your career. Feel proud of yourself this week and reflect on your personal growth. You’ve been talking about pulling BZs at every function, but time and time again, your bedroom is a party of one. It’s time to get back on the scene and make a move instead of watching people awkwardly from across the room.
A study found that _______ makes men more attractive to women (6) 5. Legal name for an ended marriage (7)
6. How many of King Henry VIII’s wives were beheaded? (3)
7. Cleopatra was romantically linked to what historical figure? (6,6)
12. What is known as the love chemical? (8)
13. Rumoured to be Tom Holland’s wife (7)
15.
2. Physical touch, gift giving, words of affirmation, acts service, quality time, etc (4,9)
3. Where was the vein of love was believed to exist? (4,6)
6. What famous building was built by a ruler to honor his wife? (3,5)
8. Italian word for love (5)
9. Publication that published Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now? (5)
10. Iconic British Christmas romcom (4, 8)
11. What dating app was originally called MatchBox? (6)
14. Baby angel with bow and arrow (5)
Last week’s Massive theme (8)
1. Greek Goddess of love (9)
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