In D e f en c e o f the H o r se G i r l In D e f en c e o f the H o r se G i r l
e y s’ Mass e y s’
Student Rep Nominees Diss Te Tira Ahu Pae’s Rep
Distnace Students Impacted by Fuel Crisis
Te Tira Ahu Pae Launches Students Minecraft Server City Girl Goes Farming
Creative Writing: Papa’s Farm Our Government’s Leaving Us Hungry In Defence of The Horse Girl
Breaking Down Massey’s Beginnings (For Beginners)
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All I need to do to grow wheat is have a hoe, some dirt, a plethora of water, and some seeds. Sunlight? Not needed. Months to grow? Not needed. I only need ten minutes before I have enough wheat to make a loaf of bread.
At least, that’s what Minecraft taught me.
It’s also what hundreds of young children are being taught in Italy. Through ‘Farmcraft’ (a modified version of Minecraft), the Network of Academic and Scholastic Esports Federation has been teaching Italian students about farming. This was seen as a way to encourage young people to pursue farming as a career.
However, I feel dubious about this.
You might be shocked to know that Minecraft isn’t an accurate depiction of farming. For example, real life wheat takes around four months to grow—not ten minutes.
If these kids are learning how to farm through Minecraft, I fear we are setting them up for failure. This could have national consequences. We will lose crops. Food supplies will run low. Everyone will starve because these farmers won’t know how to actually grow crops.
Listen, I’m just spit balling here. But I’m pretty sure you need more than one hoe to successfully grow a field of wheat. Just putting it out there.
Farmcraft is spreading misinformation, and it’s time we stopped that.
#BoycottFarmcraft
sudoku too easy make better.
Look, I’m not very good at sudoku’s, nor do I do them (or like them) that much. I’ve simply used an online generator to create your weekly gaming obsession. However, just for you (and the five other people who have complained about it), I’ve started using a different sudoku generator that has an ‘advanced’ mode. Sorry to all the beginner sudoku-ians, such as myself. Suffer in silence.
i love jessie
Thanks!
I have every single issue since the one from the last week of 2024 i love this magazine.
I think the editor smells really really bad like eggy fart or like stinky socks and I bet they were
Oooooo! I love this game! Finish the sentence: “I bet they were...”
a) Stuck under a pile of her boyfriend’s stinky laundry (poor editor!)
b) Swimming with the raw sewage in Wellington’s Lyall Bay
c) Eating garlic bread
Tēnā koutou katoa,
Ko Mathew toku ingoa, he uri tenei ki Ngāti Hine ahau. Ko au te Kaiwhakahaere ō Te Waka Ngā Ākonga Māori on our beautiful Oteha campus. It is my role to be a middleman and voice between tauira Māori and the university, as well as assisting tauira to get the supports that they need to succeed.
When I first moved here from Ahitereiria in 2023 to study Speech and Language Therapy it was a new beginning. I was lucky to meet some Māori tauira that showed the way to the whare, and this changed my life. I’ve learned more here than I ever could from a book. It is my home away from home, and you’ll usually find me there on Monday and Wednesday. It is a space for mahi, support, or a kafhe and a korero.
We don’t deal in percentages. If you whakapapa Māori, you are enough. It is never too late to start any journey, and myself alongside the team at Ngā Haumi Ki Te Ao are here for you. 2026 is shaping up to be significant for Māori in tertiary education; numbers continue to rise, and the mahi that I’ve seen in my time from business, nutrition, psychology and more gives me great hopes for what the future has in store.
Anei au, tō pou whirinaki.
85 Ghuznee St, Te Aro, Wellington www.splendid.nz @splendid.nz
Words by Jessie Davidson • SHE/HER Assisted by Massey Journalism Students
Students are concerned about their lecturers using AI to create course content, with many saying that it’s hypocritical to do so without declaring it.
Massey students have to declare their AI use every time they hand in an assignment. If they don’t, they can be failed or even ejected from a course. Massey staff are expected to do the same when creating course content, according to Massey’s AI staff policy.
A recent post on the Massey@Distance Facebook page by a student raised concerns about lecturers using AI. Since posted, other students have raised concerns about lecturer AI use, with some saying their lecturers aren’t declaring when they’ve used AI.
Massive asked students on the Wellington campus how they felt about the issue.
Communications student, Angelina, believed that lecturers could use AI for administrative tasks. However, she said it shouldn’t be used to create course content.
“In terms of structuring assignments and wording assignments and course material, then definitely no. I would say no.”
Another student, Hugo, shared a similar sentiment: “I think there’s a place for AI, but I don’t think it should be in the classroom.”
Hugo said that when lecturers teach a creative subject—such as Design and Art—while using AI, it reminded students how “risky or fleeting” AI has made the creative industry.
Design student, Jane, believed that some of Massey’s Visual Communication Design lecturers are openly pro-AI.
“They love it. They love advertising, they love AI, they love every horrible thing,” Jane said.
“I guess because they [lecturers] are not graded, they don’t really need to declare it. But it’s a moral issue, I think. I would prefer if they did.”
Sean Phelan, an associate professor at Massey’s School of Humanities, Media and Creative Communication, agreed with concerned students.
“I think it’s absolutely reasonable that a version of the student policy should also be applied to teachers’ use of AI,” he said.
He worried that universities around the world have adopted AI without critically thinking about its larger implications.
“Universities around the world, including New Zealand, seem increasingly happy to renounce their sovereignty to Silicon Valley capitalists,” Phelan said.
Globally, Phelan said a lot of university staff have almost become “evangelists for AI” without considering how AI tools are being used to reshape things like warfare.
“Some of the companies who are producing the products being rolled out in universities are also part of the same broad Silicon Valley infrastructure that’s giving armies powerful new tools in Gaza, in Iran, in Minnesota, or God knows where.”
While some lecturers and students could use AI in thoughtful ways, Phelan said “the capacity for them to be used in unethical ways is a real possibility”.
Universities are using tools that are rapidly changing professions or taking away industries that students have studied to work in. Phelan said there needs to be more conversations about the implications of these technologies when it comes to teaching.
“Universities can hardly ignore AI. However, as an institution we should be leading critical, thoughtful conversations about how our world is being radically remade ... there’s a feeling that a lot of people at universities have drunk the Kool-Aid.”
However, Dr Andrew Chrystall, a Massey senior lecturer in Communication, said that students concerned about AI have experienced a “misattribution of arousal”.
This is when people attach intense emotions, such as fear, anger, and anxiety, to the wrong source. Chrystall said that today’s students have more than enough reasons to feel anxious.
“It is ... only natural that this highly-charged affective drama often finds its outlet in relation to so-called AI. New technologies routinely provoke spasms and all sorts of moral panic. In many ways, AI is the perfect scapegoat.”
Chrystall challenged the idea that AI is a force or a tool and suggested that AI is “a label for an environment”.
“The university does not ‘use’ AI; it has been subsumed by it. The revolution is already well underway and we have to come to grips with things like the full automation of (linguistic) signification,” he said.
Chrystall believed that what this means for universities is still unfolding, and he sensed that new kinds of institutions will emerge in response to AI.
“They [new institutions] will be hyper-civilized, almost science-fictional, bringing to life the visions of artists and poets who have confronted our new situation with apparent impunity and seem entirely unconcerned with the impacts of new media.”
This new media would include what Chrystall called “so-called AI”.
Massey University was approached for comment about how lecturers should use AI, however they did not provide a response in time.
Words by Maya Trotman • SHE/HER
Auckland’s student representative nominees seem to share a similar sentiment—Te Tira Ahu Pae aren’t serving students properly.
Two weeks ago, student rep nominees introduced themselves to students on Massey’s Auckland campus. Here, they talked about the policies and issues they’d tackle as a representative.
But there was a shared view among all of them: Te Tira Ahu Pae lacked transparency and proper communication to students—and it’s given them a bad reputation.
General president nominee, Sahil Diwan, told Massive he wanted to improve transparency between students and Te Tira Ahu Pae.
He said that last year’s representatives caused controversy, referring to the leaked messages between student reps,
leaked zoom calls between reps, reps being kicked off the association, and more.
“The style of communication last year did not set a good look for students,” Diwan said.
“Last year I would find out most things from Massive. The first three [news] pages are the only place where you can find out anything. The association needs to be more proactive in telling students what’s going on.”
General and international rep nominee, Hisal Nanayakkara Ratnayake, shared a similar view and said Te Tira Ahu Pae needed to improve communication with students.
He proposed putting boxes around campuses where students could submit their complaints and concerns anonymously.
“We can do surveys, banners and posters to advertise that to students,” he said.
General president nominee, Takunda Mabonga, said that the best way to collect students’ feedback is by speaking to them and serving their needs.
“I’m not shy to have a conversation with anyone. Just going out there and understanding students better when they bring up issues, taking note of that and heading forward.”
He said Te Tira Ahu Pae’s reputation has gotten worse in the last few years and hoped to change that if elected as president.
“I just want to improve uni experience for students because we’re going through a rough time. If there’s one thing that can make it better, it’s having fun when you come to university.”
Post-grad student rep nominee, Aaron Landers, said that a lot of students didn’t know about the services they can access, and that this is the “university’s fault for not making it more well-known”.
“They don’t understand the system of governance that the university works under and how they have a say in a bunch of these decisions.”
Lander said that the general lack of awareness about student general meetings creates a gap between students and the association.
“I want to make sure students know what is happening around campus and that they have a say, and that they’re engaged in university policy issues,” Landers said.
Student rep election voting has now closed for 2026. The results for General President will be announced on Tuesday the 31st March.
Words by Ellice Lawrie • SHE/HER
As the war in the Middle East continues to increase petrol prices, many Massey University distance students fear they won’t be able to afford travelling to their in-person exams.
Distance students already raised concerns about travel after Massey announced the reintroduction of in-person exams for some distance courses. However, this added financial strain have increased these fears.
Massive asked students in the Massey@Distance Facebook page how they felt about the issue.
One student, Grace Whaanga, commented saying that she’s likely to fail some of her courses due to petrol costs.
“Yeah safe to say if the exams aren’t in Gisborne I’ll be failing a course or two. RUC, tyres, servicing, diesel, everything is expensive. And now with this it’s basically unbearable,” Whaanga commented.
Another student echoed the financial stress distance students are put under, commenting: “So now I have to travel to an exam, god knows where, twice this semester. Who can budget for that? Us students are already living week to week, there is no wriggle room for extra gas.”
Many students questioned if Massey would reconsider making in-person exams compulsory.
One commented: “I seriously wish the university would pull the pin on the in-person exams and push them off till maybe next year, who knows what’s going to happen with the war.”
Distance student, Caleb Flanagan, believed everything has become uncertain for students.
“It’s hard enough to focus on the study material and the assignments while we have to worry about fuel availability and its potential impact on supply chains further down the track,” Flanagan commented.
“Not knowing how the university will manage the exam situation in a fuel crisis is a bit of a worry.”
Last Tuesday, Massey announced that the university is developing a response plan if the fuel shortage worsened.
They said: “The Government has advised that New Zealand remains at Level 1 of the Fuel Escalation Framework, meaning there is currently minimal impact on supply.”
“To ensure we are well prepared, the university is developing a response plan, and should the country move to a higher level on the escalation framework our Crisis Management Team (CMT) will be activated.”
Massey’s response plan from the university could include “changes to teaching and learning as well as the operation of our campuses”.
In a response to Massive, a Massey spokesperson said that students who can’t make it to exams due to increased petrol prices could be eligible to alternative arrangements. This included online supervised exams.
Students who need additional support are encouraged to contact assessment services.
For students struggling financially, Massey encouraged them to reach out for support.
“Massey has a variety of ways which we support students through economic hardship, including an Emergency Financial Support Grant and a Minor Hardship/Food Grant.”
Words by Jessie Davidson • SHE/HER
A Minecraft server has been launched for Massey University distance students this month.
The server was announced by Te Tira Ahu Pae on the Massey@ Distance Facebook page two weeks ago, and students commented their excitement.
One said: “Cute idea!”
While the server was set up for distance students, any student can join. Already, 15 students have joined and made the world their home.
To join, click on ‘Add Server’ in Minecraft’s multiplayer tab. The server name is Minecraft@Distance and the server address is 103.15.236.165:25961.
Again, and again, and again.
Egg, bread. Egg bread.
Egg, bread. Egg bread.
Brush, scrape. Brush scrape. Brush, scrape. Brush scrape.
We moved as one.
Sitting on campus, I was busy eavesdropping on Freshers as they struggled through Massive’s crossword.
The question: What kind of college did Massey originate as?
You couldn’t believe my utter shock, embarrassment and endless fury when I heard them utter: “creative arts maybe?”
Do these fools know nothing?
Massey is, first and foremost, a farming school. Always has been. Always will be. Why do you think Massive drops a ‘Farming’ issue every year? For the aesthetic?
Fake fans. Casuals. Tourists in their own university.
Massey began as an agricultural college in Palmerston North, officially opening on 20 March 1928. The mayor at the time, Archibald James Graham, said he hoped Massey would make Palmy become the “Cambridge of New Zealand”.
They named it after the Prime Minister at the time, William Massey—who, to put it lightly, had some absolutely horrific views.
And by putting it lightly, I mean… yikes.
In 1920 he said: “Clearly, we want to keep the race as pure in this Dominion as it is possible to keep it.”
A year later, he doubled down in the Evening Post with: “Nature intended New Zealand to be a white man’s country…”
He also wasn’t exactly subtle about his views on Chinese immigrants either.
Our university is named after a racist prick... Maybe something to think about.
Anyway, back to the uni’s farming roots.
In total Massey University had 20 staff when it opened. In their first year, Massey had eight students enrolled on the first day. In total, 85 students enrolled in the first year. The second year, enrollments more than doubled to 175.
The early courses were exactly what you’d expect: agriculture, dairy farming, and actually useful, hands-on work. They weren’t just sitting in a lecture theatre playing Wordle.
Massey was out there solving real problems in the dairy industry. They tested things like artificial breeding, irrigation systems, and electric fences. Huge stuff.
Rest in peace Archibald. You’d hate to see what Palmy has become.
Massey was formed after Victoria University and Auckland University merged their schools of agriculture in 1926.
Courses at Massey were always open to women. However, it still took four years for the first women to actually sign up, studying poultry farming.
Massey’s first female graduate was Elsie Gertrude Thorpe, who earned a Bachelor of Agricultural Science in 1941.
The first female lecturer, Agnes Crawford, was employed in 1928. She was an assistant lecturer in dairying and fancy cheese making.
Horticulture courses were introduced in 1944 in an effort to educate more women in agricultural subjects. This was when Massey’s second female lecturer was hired, botanist Ella Campbell. Not only did she support horticulture courses, but she also started the university’s first female hockey team.
In 1962, Massey opened Aotearoa’s first college of Veterinary Science. Today, it remains the only university to teach Veterinary Sciences in the country.
So yes, this university has been about animals, land, and farming since day one.
It’s been nearly 100 years, and Massey is still going strong.
So next time you confidently say, “Massey started as an art school,” just know this:
I am nearby. I am listening. And I will write an article to correct you.
My flatmate keeps leaving all the kitchen drawers open. How do I train them to close them?
Kia ora sweet cheeks,
I always follow Pavlov’s dog theory when I have to force a bad habit out of someone. For example, one of my boyfriends from my flirty 40s, Stan, used to leave his pubes on my lavender soap. It drove me NUTS! So, every time he left my soap hairy, I would hide his ciggies around the house. Worked like a charm.
Stan’s dead now... but so is his bad habit!
Condition your flattie to stop this tiresome habit. Find something they love and hide it every time they leave the drawers open. Alternatively, give them a piece of chocolate as a reward when they close the drawers.
Basically, train ‘em like a dog, girl!
If all else fails, you can always nail the drawers closed.
Hope that helps!!
XOX
I landed on cowboy-tok last year and naturally spent all of Christmas dreaming of cowboys... like really hot, really horny cowboys.
Sadly, the American cowboy dream is too far and too expensive to turn into a reality. But when there’s a will, there’s a way… and a best friend who lives on a farm and happens to have several farmer mates. Naturally, I decided the only logical way to manifest my cowboy fantasy was to go stay with her for two weeks over summer.
Within 24-hours, she introduced me to one of her mates. Good lord, this man was gorgeous. One of those rougharound-the-edges pretty boys, cheeky grin, sunburnt nose with a major sock tan line. Also, very clearly DTF.
Now listen, when you’re staying on a farm for a limited time, you cannot afford to waste days flirting politely. The clock was ticking. My cowboy era had a deadline, so I shot my shot.
Apparently, farmer boys appreciate a woman who skips the small talk because about an hour later, we were sneaking off to his room. This little arrangement continued for the entire time I was there.
But my favourite rendezvous happened when I got up at 5am with him one morning to help with farm chores. At lunchtime, he told me he had a surprise for me, and we drove out to a paddock on the quad bike.
(much to my “omg I’m so sweaty and gross” protest) and then, fucking me into next week.
There was nobody in sight, and if I wasn’t so goddam horny for him, I would have been slightly concerned.
Next thing I know, he’s bending me over the side of the quad bike, undoing both of our pants, going down on me
It wasn’t exactly the Wild West, but I did get a hot summer fling and a core memory involving a quad bike and a very yee-whore experience.
The stars say you’ll feel a sudden enlightenment about a cloudy situation. Be prepared for the smoke to clear and the answer to fall into your lap.
Venus is in your social zone over the course of this week, so get out there! Say yes to that side quest you and your friends have been talking about for months.
You don’t have to be so clingy. Loosen up a little bit, your friends love you. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and personal bubbles exist to be unpopped.
The niche interest that you’re into is freaking out the people around you. Either stop talking about it so much or take up something a bit less controversial.
Get ready for the frolic of a lifetime this week. Whether it’s in the office, on your way to class or in an actual field, the spirit of skipping will take over your body.
Having lots of guilty dreams lately, Leo? Maybe it’s time to reflect on your recent actions to stop yourself from waking up in a sweat.
Did you have a flop week last week? Don’t worry about it! This week the stars have aligned in your favour. Hold on— good karma is coming your way.
Prepare to be wrapped up in someone special’s arms… Venus is moving swiftly into your zone of intimacy this week, so be prepared to get hot and steamy.
Most feel uneasy when seasons change, but not you! Recognise that you attract what you put out, so start walking in gratitude before it’s too late.
Stop being so fake, Capricorn. People can see right through you, and it’s getting embarrassing. Dial in before people start to distrust you.
Start thinking about your next adventure before your life becomes habitual. Take some space from your routine and enjoy a little taste of freedom.
You’ve been so locked in that you haven’t noticed the flirtatious eyes that have been laid upon you. Take a look around, you never know who might be looking back.
2. Classic gauge of fencing wire (6, 5)
1. Breed of dog that barks to herd sheep (8)
9. What kind of school did Massey University originate as? (11)
10. Long-running Kiwi TV show about rural life (7, 8)
12. Last week’s Massive theme (4, 3, 7)
14. Female sheep (3)
15. The name of Massey University’s mascot (6)
16. What kind of products does NZ export the most? (5)
3. Farming company that’s just been valued at $3.5 billion (6)
4. Sheep with fine wool, often used for Kathmandu products (6)
5. Famous NZ comic which follows a farmer’s dog (7, 5)
6. What Aussie actor starred in the 2026 movie The Sheep Detectives? (4,7)
7. The last name of the farmer Peter Rabbit would steal carrots from (8)
8. Running around like a ___________ chicken (8)
11. The name of the fictional pig who learnt how to herd sheep (4)
13. Type of insect farm you can keep in your bedroom (3)
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