Not a cloud in the sky besides the dark one that resides over my head year round. Sitting in pure misery with the hot sun leaving shadows, of the grated steel table on my legs the only breezef is created by a black sedan whipping by. A weekly event that once brought joy now feels like a chore to attend.
My shell stays composed but inside; it’s a black hole a hungry ghost of sorts swirling wanting to pry open my mouth and leave my skin at once. Anxiety and apprehension the perfect pair for the deadly cocktail that someone has force fed me, mixed with a hard pill to swallow; reality. While this is the after effect, I glance back into my past realizing that just because you saw something coming doesn’t mean it’ll hurt any less. Ignorance truly is bliss. We make up excuses that everyone else sees through.
We just sit and turn our heads from what’s in front of us to avoid willingly taking a sip I saw the dark skies at a distance, hoping that it would just blow over. I heard the train whistle blow, and hoped that the chime of the railroad crossing bells meant that the gates were in fact rising. and when you meet the tracks the light at the end of the tunnel turns into an on coming train.
So I sit there. in his car a mute when he asks if I felt it too The excuses I made for him washed away like colorful sidewalk chalk after a rainstorm bringing me back to cold concrete. So that dark cloud hangs over my head once again reminding me of what is out there but every storm runs out of rain. in this moment of anxiety and apprehension I have to see the dark cloud as shade from the harsh sun beating down on my back otherwise I can’t carry on.