Mars'Hill Newspaper Vol 17 Issue 11 by Mars Hill Newspaper

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VOLUME 17, ISSUE 11

March 20, 2013

FROM THE EDITOR. MARS’ HILL

|THE TEAM

7600 Glover Rd. Langley, BC V2Y 1Y1 604 513 2109 MARS’ HILL

Mars’ Hill is a student publication of

CHRIS MONTGOMERY

visual editor

Mars’ Hill seeks to be a professional and

MISSION TO MARS

JUSTIN POULSEN

managing editor

BETHANY ROY

EDITORIAL POLICY

chief copy editor A COLLABRATIVE EFFORT BETWEEN LAURA JENSEN AND THE CINEMATOGRAPHER FOR MACKLEMORE AND RYAN LEWIS

Why so serious?

LAURA JENSEN

photo editor

JUSTIN SMITH

One time when I was little, I saw this couple makSCOTT FORSYTH ing out in their car in the parking lot. Kissing? In the parking lot? Gross. And so I did what any normal kid would do and started throwing cookies at them. Actually, that was yesterday. Sorry guys! But I won’t try to excuse my silliness by blaming it on how tired I was. Acting crazy is just as much a part of who we are as acting serious. Often we write off each others’ childish antics as a sign of immaturity; and yet, it could just as easily be a sign of joy. Joy is not a reward, only to be enjoyed after a hard day’s work. cess are the rewards, for an enthusiastic and whole-hearted lifestyle. tion of the former, we sabotage ourselves from ever being able to actually enjoy either. The life of a student has become ented thirst for productivity. Who can land a steady job? Who can buy their

layout editor

BROOKE HIGGINBOTHAM

illustration editor

CHRISTINE RMAH

web presence

ALEX PLENITS

advertising manager

DALLAS FONTAINE

enjoying the time you have right now as a student? As much as school is preparing us for our careers, it’s also

Fort Langley Golf Course

Elegant Events...

Trinity Western Students & Alumni Receive 20% OFF Room Rental Rates for Weddings Booked Between: October 1st 2013 - June 1st 2014

...Without the Added Expense

training us to forego contentment. to hectically research a paper. We gradually turn down invitations to hang out in favour of much needed sleep. And soon enough, we consider laughter to be a luxury. You’re life is not going to get any less busy unless you hook it up to a leash and force it to heel. Now before you go all Ecclesiastes on me, I understand that there is a time and place for everything; there is a time to be serious, put on the suit, and get to work. For me personally, I’ll be going to the LLC next semester, one of the most formal environments in Canada. If you know anything about Parliament if I get in there. These are the people who make national decisions about health care, unemployment, and war, often in inevitable nowin situations. How do I face these despairing truths but at the same time protect my joy from the horror of it? Society tells us that the answer is to be unbreakable, those who break are weak. We tell ourselves that we can handle the weight on our shoulders, and risk trying to be something we’re not. That can work for a time, but this weight is not meant to be car-

Realists, and probably many optimists, might label me as an escapist, but we need to stop taking ourselves so seriously and actually enjoy this time we have in the present. God’s end goal is to glorify himself, and at times, this means we will go through trials and tribulations. Happiness is dependent on circumstances in our life, and sometimes these circumthese situations, no matter how dark the valley seems. We have a greater hope that through whatever we may be going through, we are not doing this alone. As young people, we think we’re invincible. As much as David Guetta tells you, we’re not titanium. We don’t have all the answers, and as expensive as your suit or car is, you can’t take on the world and solve all the worlds’ problems. But you’re put here for a reason, and this life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. So as hard as it can be sometimes, try to tions. Quit lying to yourself. Laugh, be silly, do something crazy for once. Because as a Lincoln once said, in the end, it’s not he years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.

Opinions expressed in Mars’ Hill torial board, Trinity Western University,

SENIOR EDITORS Editor-in-Chief

Justin Poulsen Managing Editor Visual Editor

SECTION EDITORS Larissa Kroeker News Academy Arts & Culture Sports Humour

PRODUCTION STAFF Laura Jensen Photo Editor

Illustration Editor Layout Editor Chief Copy Editor

OPERATIONS Finance Manager Advertising Manager Web Presence

CONTRIBUTORS

COVER STATEMENT. It’s surprising how familiar and memorable youth is, and yet it remains so ellusive. We cannot appreciate our own innocence until we know so much that it disappears. Illustration Editor Brooke Higginbotham was commissioned to explore the playful and inventive spirit of childhood—to capture themes of nostalgia and appreciation for the younger times of our life that run throughout this issue. A child’s chaotic joy achieves potency when it is given a well-structured stage on which to perform. The predominantly yellow colours are an age-old symbol of our own cowardice—the enemy of youth. Even the thought of brain-munching monsters hidden in their closets is not enough to quell children’s vigorous laughter in the safety of the sunshine. And yet, even as we acquire

knowledge that dispells the notion of monsters, we shrink back from the possibility of rejection. In the Feature centerfold, I took inspiration from 2oth century American conceptual artist John Baldessari, who often used colour price tags and stickers to cover over famous politicians and bankers of his time, out of frustration and protest for the way they lived their lives. Turning this idea on its head, I used the circular ‘stickers’ as a way of protecting the innocence of the children and emphasizing the simplicty and playfulness of the way they live their lives. Furthermore, when you ignore the faces of the person in the image, don’t you just put your own there? And that just gives you the warm fuzzies. Your welcome. -Chris Montgomery

Travis Heide Peter Woekel Bryce Perry Gillian Dunn

ADVISOR

marshill@gmail.com www.marshillonline.com @marshillonline

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I was duped into buying a record of horrific disco music, it ended up scarring me” – Chris Morrissey

March 20, 2013

Parting words with LAURA JENSEN

All the way up the concrete staircase that CAMERON leads behind REED the scenes, to the upper echelons of the university, I was nervous. I wanted to give him a chance to share wisdom and help students get behind the maybe forcefully

He rubs his knees as we sit. His face is warm if tired. Indeed, our president is a model of composure. Dr. Raymond has been quite the visionary, helping to pull the university through times when optimism has been hard to come by and laying a foundation for it’s future expansion. But when I asked him why he was leaving now, in the midst of so much growth, when many of his visions have yet to come to fruition, he was frank. “Yes, I expected I would have a lon-

ger run here, but I have had two very ed a pretty good case of rheumatoid arthritis. I asked the rheumatologist, can this be cured? No. Can it be arrested? No. Can it be slowed down? Maybe. What’s it look like eventually? He said, well, you will be in pain everywhere all the time, and I thought, well that’s pretty dismal!” “That doesn’t sound like much fun!” he chuckles. “But it turns out it’s true. So now, the issue is pain management.” And some cracks, if ever so small, begin to show in his composure, as he searches for words. all through the summer and into the fall, trying to get on top of this. I think I’m managing the pain pretty well, but it’s very tiring.” “The point is that this university is so special that it needs a president who has optimal health and lots of en-

ergy and my health is not optimal and my energy is compromised and I’m not at the top of my game.” “It’s better for me to stop out…and for the door to be open for someone else to come in, who hopefully… will continue the mission, will continue the vision, who might respond to some of the ideas I had and continue to carry them out.” He rubs his knees and I realize that this admission, by its very composure and grace, is indeed a mark of humble, servant leadership. “What does the next season of life hold? What do you look forward to?” I ask. “When you drill down on it, I’m an academic,” he replies, constantly composing his words into choice, precise sentences. After doctoral research in cross-cultural psychology took him to Peru, he was wrangled into teaching with less than a day’s

notice. Sixteen years of professing, research and writing later, Dr. Raymond moved into more administrative roles for the next two decades. “I’m looking forward to writing and speaking again…but to do so under the banner of Trinity Western.” Ever the diplomat, Dr. Raymond desires to use this retirement to be on call for the next president or presidents,” and to make himself “available to be an ambassador for Trinity Western.” He then jumps at one of my last questions: what advice do you have for students? “Ninety-percent of success is perseverance. Sometimes the ball has to hit several times before it breaks through the wall.” About the future of the university, its role in Canadian society, and if we will make it through these troubling times, Dr. Raymond is unwaveringly

optimistic. “We’re going to make it, and very well,” he asserts. In words that would make any business student drool, he students, revenues from property development across Glover Road, estate giving, expanding graduate and doctoral programs, and increasing support from corporations and alumni as “positive indicators that occasion optimism about the future.” Despite his own pain and the travails of the university over the past few years, Dr. Raymond claims, “I’m now in my 39th year of higher education, and the best seven years have been here at Trinity Western.” His is a wellearned, tempered optimism. “I feel like…it’s good not to stay ing up at a time when my stock is in pretty good shape and that’s a good time to go.”

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I would give myself haircuts…but only on one side of my head” - Emily Palmer

March 20, 2013

NEWS.

LARISSA KROEKER larissa.kroeker@gmail.com

Rec Fees Plans to upgrade the David E. Enarson Gym. Most students are aware of KEVIN $130 MIRCHANDANI the that they pay to the Trinity Western University Student Association in student fees, but not everyone is aware that we pay a similar fee to the Rec Enhancement Committee. The Rec Enhancement fee was established in 2009, with the goal of constructing a better recreational environment in order to make substantial changes to the opportunities available for students in the areas

A recent trend in universities across North America has been the development of high quality athletic infrastructure. Because the fee is still in its infancy, there are limitations surrounding the balance between spending student fees each year, and endeavouring to save the money for more meaningful projects over the long-term. There have been two surveys conducted over the past four years seeking to discover where students want to see their Rec fees spent on. In both surveys the results overwhelmingly suggested that students want their Rec fee put towards the expansion of the Fitness Centre—a two story addi-

tion to the David E. Enarson gymnasium. The survey results in 2009-2010 also suggested a large interest in resurfacing the tennis courts and constructing a running track. In the last four years the fees have been used to facilitate the reconstrucing the bouldering wall, the annual maintenance of the South and Third

”

annual upkeep and recreational expenses, while maintaining its longterm vision. The Associate Provost and chair of the Rec Enhancement Committee, Sheldon Loeppky, suggests that the school did have an opcentre this year, but the Rec Committee thought it best to postpone, in alignment with their vision for a two

story facility that would incorporate mezzanine for strength training, and provide increased space to accommodate more people. Some may inquire as to how the tuition changes will affect this fee. In response, Loeppkky articulated that the Rec fee is indexed to the percentile increase in tuition costs. In addi-

tion, the university is sensitive to the amount of money being invested and is thoroughly committed to working with donors to support the initiatives that we are pursuing so that our equipment and facilities may be optimized. It is Loeppky’s hope that by the summer of 2014, we will have begun the expansion of the Fitness Centre.

Students want their Rec fee put towards the expansion of the Fitness Centre—a two story addition to the David E. Enarson gymnasium.

”

and enhanced lighting), and the purchase of new Rec Services gear such as volleyball nets and other intramural sporting equipment. The fees have also subsidized costs for recreation berships at the Laurentian Leadership Centre. The Rec fee has accumulated so that the Rec Enhancement Commit-

Union update

Decision on bargaining unit to be announced at the end of March.

The Labour Relations Board’s hearings on the LARISSA appropriateKROEKER ness of Trinity Western University’s proposed bargaining unit for the proposed union concluded on February 14. A ruling was scheduled to be made after four to six weeks. By the end of March, Richard Longpre, vice-chair responsible for processing the application, will make a decision concerning the university’s arguments contesting the faculty’s description of the proposed bargaining unit. This will determine whether the vote conducted by the faculty will be counted; and, if the vote is counted, whether the motion to unionize passes. According Dr. Chad Friesen, TWU professor of chemistry, “The primary motivators for [the staff ] were to develop a culture that is conducive to success in teaching/research and creating an environment in which both

TWU Associate professor of philosophy, Dr. Myron Penner, states, “The faculty who have indicated support for unionization at TWU have

done so feeling that a unionized lective bargaining process will help the university make positive steps “strengthening the Human Resources

with respect to dispute resolution, professional support for employees sentation for part-time faculty, and promotion within the context of a colShould the union be created, the Christian Labour Association of Canada assures there will be academic freedom, tenure and promoand compensation. A CLAC handout given to faculty states that “a legallyrecognized faculty body will be able to determine the parameters of academic freedom at TWU and the ways they “will provide the framework for

two fundamental components of the In terms of employment, CLAC notes that “a collective bargaining of faculty workload, [with] an opsearch and teaching. Additionally, the

tion will allow TWU faculty to work in partnership with the administration to address the issue of ethical wage parity in light of a faculty salary grid Provost Bob Wood chose not to comment stating, “Given that this

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I fought a turkey…and lost” – Peter Horton

matter is currently before the LRB, I will decline to weigh in on the quesThe LRB ruling at the end of this month will help decide what direction the faculty at Trinity Western will take, either in forming a union or not.

March 20, 2013

NEWS.

proudly announced Andrew Parker as the next Editor-in-Chief. Parker will be enthusiastically leading a team of

LARISSA KROEKER

New man on the Hill Andrew Parker hired as next EIC. CHRIS MONTGOMERY

newspaper with a group of people and do something that we, as a school, can be proud of,” says Parker.

in a God-honoring way.”

years at Vancouver’s Langara College, Andrew Parker transferred over to Trinity Western University for his -

hands-on EIC, involved with the writing and editing processes,” he adds,

team, coming to production meetings ed to be involved as much as possible to experience how the newspaper ran,” Parker noted. Parker says he immediately loved

this fall.” Andrew Parker is currently hiring next years’ team. If you’d like to apply for a position in Mars’ Hill 2013/2014, got to marshillonline.com/apply/

Cardinals Elect New pope

Francis I as his papal name.

hugo chavez dies days, with Maduro serving as interim president.

newspaper; I’d like to keep that simi-

high contributor rate established this

Black death pit unearthed

Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio was elected as the The 76 year old is the Catholic Church’s 266th pontiff. Just after two days of conclave, Bergoglio received the necessary two-thirds of the vote.

people person and knows how to inspire a team.” Knowing he has a hard act to follow, Parker added that he will

Archaeologists are working alongside builders on a new -

New chinese president

Xi Jingping assumed the presidency of China on March

eight feet to reveal the pit of remains. The pit is suspected

Jingping. Li Yuancho was also named premier, China’s number two position. Assuming the presidency completes the transition of power to Jingping, which puts him in charge of all three centers of power in China.

dispose deceased bodies from the Black Death, also known as the bubonic plague. Plague bacteria can still live in roit cannot live for an extended period of time in the soil.

astronauts return to earth

tourist gang raped in india tourist in Central India, looking for seven attackers. The victim and her husband were camping near a forest when a group of men wielding sticks stormed the tent. The attackers beat the husband and raped the wife, and ran off with

Soyuz space capsule landed in northeast Kazakhstan after a three and a half hour voyage from the International Space

Twenty people have been detained for questioning, as the Swiss embassy has called for a swift investigation. The women and her husband are recovering at a hospital in the nearby city of Gwalior.

Law panel to visit The proposed law school prepares for review.

The BC Ministry of Advanced Education has LARISSA appointed an KROEKER expert review panel that is making a site visit to the campus of Trinity Western University on March 26. Dr. Janet Epp Buckingham, TWU associate professor and Director of the Laurentian Leadership Centre, is a passionate supporter of the proposed law school at TWU.

campus for the day to report on the soundness of the program and adequacy of Trinity’s resources,” Dr.

Board will meet in June and will review the report and make a recommendation to the Minister of Advanced Education as to whether the program should be approved.” There will be a provincial election between now and June, possibly slowing the approval process within the Ministry of Advanced Education. The TWU School of Law has been a hotly debated topic, gaining media attention from across the nation. In the beginning of February, the Council of Canadian Law Deans distributed a letter criticizing TWU’s community covenant for its perceived intolerance

of homosexuality. Dr. Kevin Sawatsky, TWU Vice Proorder for the School of Law to move forward, approvals are needed from the Ministry of Advanced Education and the Federation of Law Societies of expert review panel visit is an important step in obtaining the approval of the Ministry of Advanced Education,” with the review panel on March 26.” The proposed law school is reportacter development into its very core as

a school. Students will be encouraged to see the profession of law as a high calling in the life of service. 2. To provide a place where the great questions of meaning, values and ethics are confronted, debated and pondered, and the broad and diverse communities of Canada are served through a richer understanding of the law. believe in and demonstrate a different concept of professionalism than the current marketplace promotes. Students will be encouraged to volunteer that serve the under-developed na-

tions and the vulnerable. are the bedrock of the legal profession. Beyond the academic and theoretical principles, the curriculum will integrate real-world practice skills, ethics, client relations, negotiation and advocacy. that will renew the foundational prinness law, and charities law, as well as religious rights and freedoms in the Canadian and international context.” The image below displays a sketch of the new school on the proposed construction site.

CHRIS MONTGOMERY

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I called 911 while being babysat and then lied about it to my parents” – Candace Howard

March 20, 2013

NEWS.

Student pricing

It’s a girl! A summary on the female infanticide forum.

LINDSAY DYKMAN

On March 13, It’s A Girl shocked the Trinity Western University audi-

Mark Warawa, the event raised aware-

we make taxes painle$$

Traveling to different universities, Warawa is trying to stir a movement at the grassroots level. He is encouraging students to write to the PM (pm.@pm.gc.ca), start a trend on social media (#M408), or show a screening of the documentary in order to create a change.

hrblock.ca | 800-HRBLOCK (472-5625)

WHAT THE HILL

A 17-year-old boy from Elmwood Park, IL was taken to the hospital with a gunshot wound in his left groin area. When questioned by the police, the teenager claimed that he had been shot by ninjas. Although he attempted to sneak around the truth, it has now been unmasked that he actually injured himself. This is a form of deciet that takes balls.

A 22-ton, 82-foot-long bridge was stolen from the Kocaeli province in western Turkey. Police suspect that the bridge was cut into sections and sold for scrap metal. Other possibile robbery techniques include multiple dimension teleportation and giant magnets attached to flying saucers. The disappearance of the bridge really put a damper on life for the nearby villagers, but they’ll eventually get over it.

Idle No More A summary of the aboriginal forum.

CHERI BROWN

Welcome to the future! To keep life from becoming too stale, the newlydeveloped Image Toaster will search Google for a random image and toast a pixelated version of that image onto the bread. Better hope it has a safe-search option otherwise it will burn images in your mind in more than one way. For its fantastic technological advances one problem remains: the resolution is pretty crummy.

recent

Patti Victor had

The APC hosts monthly Circle Talks, open to all. The next session will be held on Tuesday, April 9th from 4:00-5:00pm in the West Coast Collegium. Cheri Brown is a proud citizen of the Nisga’a Nation. Her family line is Wilp Gisk’aast, House of the Killer Whale. www.idlenomore.ca

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I jumped into the deep end of a pool and didn’t know how to swim” – Gillian Dunn

March 20, 2013

CREATIVE.

inspired by

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Before My Brother’s Recital Before I left for my big brother’s violin recital, and saw stern-faced children swiftly stepping around sonatas that Sunday afternoon, I climbed up on the old piano bench, with a song in my heart, mind, and soul– naively awaiting the coming notes with a rainbowish smile. I could have summoned, Ancient archons and admirable abbots, Bounteous buffets of Bavarian bread, Cruel caliphs and cultured countrymen, Dreaded darkness and drollery dispositions, Epic epochs and eagle eyes,

Richard Bergen

Glades of greenery and gusty gales, Holy helpers and highest heavens, Industrious imperialists and illustrious inventors, Jolly jokers and jelly jams, Killer kites and kind kings, Limitless lands and lost lochs, Military maneuvers and mythril mastery, Nautical Norsemen and nefarious necromancers, Occular oddities and orcish offerings, Powerful princes and petty pirates, Quivering quakes and quiet questers, Sacred swords and sordid songs, Terrible trolls and triumphant tyrants, Unlocked universes and unraveled unity, Valiant victories and vain violence, Wakened wills and wounded whimpers. Exemplary exiles; existence extraordinary, Youthful yearning and younger years, The zeal at mount Zion… …with a little accompaniment.

Jessica Hurd - hockey

early june it was that long sunset of early june, those that seem to last for hours sticky sap and sea-hair drying we drove home at dusk through the fragrant swaying of evening limbs, around the easy bend of rhododendron

Meredith Overmyer

we were bone and skin tired, rinsing off salt and sand sugar rain and tangled lightening; a late night treat to soothe the aching heat you should have been in bed an hour ago, but I held you a while longer you slipped into your nightgown and snuggled into me you were all skinny limbs and knobby knees

Chris Montgomery - Skyward

i couldn’t stop smelling your clean, wet, french braid, when you drowsily whispered, “mommy?” and for a while, i pretended i was

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I got lost following a cat I wanted to pet” – Bethany Roy

March 20, 2013

ACADEMY.

CAMERON REED cameron.reed@mytwu.ca

Think you’re grown-up? Uncovering the not-so-hidden child in us all. this form of torment. Take the best friend who cannot cease bragging about her latest “boyfriend”, who may be willing to trade him in an instant

As university students, thinking ourselves TRAVIS HEIDE to have put childish ways behind us is to be expected. But perhaps we share more in common than

sleep to achieve ends in board games knows my meaning!) Now, there is little wrong with childlike puzzles and recreations; but trouble occurs if we think ourselves to have outgrown childlike values. I, for one, envy the particularly childish ability to angrily swear off talking to someone, only to restart laughing and playing with them the same day. For these times, we may apply some sound advice from George Macdonald’s fairytale, The Princess and the Goblin: “We are all very anxious to be understood, and it is hard not to be,” said Grandmother Irene to the young Princess. “But there is one thing much more necessary; to understand other people.” We are very eager to be heard. Children especially, often demonstrate this tendency to a fault: they naively over exalt their wants over what is best. Does anyone remember being told by their parents to consider the feelings of others? But, though we have usually outgrown shoving in line, we still show ourselves too desperate to get a point across. (Take the choice words we use for others who disagree with our opinions on such-and-such a matter.) It seems to me as though, dealing with a relativistic world, we take ourselves a little too seriously and ‘unlearn’ the virtues exhibited in

Men will smooth over each other’s insecurities by making jokes pointed at them, sometimes more than prescribed. But, as is unfortunately the case, many of us do outgrow our tolerance for bearing one another’s burdens—and one malign word can drive away a companion for good. Some other experiences I’ve had evoke playground days, when contests for the last laugh sometimes become the last shove. One unfortunate afternoon a while ago I spent with a close friend. After some strain burst, and we were swept up in an

our earliest teachings: not judging by appearances; walking in someone’s shoes; and that best policy, honesty. Now children are famous for irking those around them (sometimes throwing snowballs, or less friendly

objects like dirt or punches) who mean the world to them. If you have a younger sibling from whom you received periodical beatings, then you know what I mean! This took place for no reason, other than their knowledge

that no matter how much misplaced frustration they unload on you, you wouldn’t think (twice) of abandoning them. And I am not yet convinced that, as adolescents or adults, we outgrow

both sides. Then back in my room, something like a learned feeling—rebuke—stirred. How was I supposed to feel; proud, that I could push back hard enough to knock her down and make her cry? My inner parent bade me desist from word games, until I was ready to apologize. The proverb rings true, that children have their adults to point out their screw-ups; but when adults screw up, there is no one to tell them so. But, far from suggesting we retreat back to the nest until we’ve fully weaned off our parents’ or guardians’ moral guidance (if we ever lived so long we could), perhaps we could 12 says, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge.”

Sex, Spirituality & Unity A lecture summary of the gender cafe

“Sex is mysterious, like God is mysterious,” HANNAH Trinity WestCONRAD ern University psychology professor Dr. Chuck Macknee explained at the Gender Café held on Tuesday, February 12th. His lecture, Fifty Shades of Sex: The Holy Colours of Passion, began with a confession and question. “I always start with some disclaimers: I don’t know everything about sex. I am just a male,” Dr. Macknee said. Afterwards, he asked what his audience believed was the purpose of sex.

Dr. Macknee accepted this and commented that reproduction brings timelessness. “It connects us to the past, our ancestors, to the present, and the future, in our children.”

The next answer, pleasure, caused the professor to smile. With a nod, he explained that God created the body with the “amazing ability to feel pleasure.” Dr. Macknee cautioned anyone who only lives for pleasure, as “pleasure is one of those things that if you seek it too much, you diminish it. You chase it away.” The subsequent answers piggybacked off of one another: the removal of isolation and some disclosure. As a response, Dr. Macknee brought man on earth was lonely, so God created a woman from Adam’s body. Another student answered that pany regular intercourse. He agreed, and summarized some studies done to prove that point. “I don’t know who volunteers for these studies,” he laughed. “But there

is a study.” Dr. Macknee listed relaxation, a more effective immune system, and the reduction of bad cholesterol as examples of positive side effects of sex. When the audience ran out of answers, Dr. Macknee offered his own response: “Sex is really here… in some

” ” We are insecure about sex, just as we are insecure about our relationship with God.

ways to help us experience spirituality.” He then began to speak about the similarity that the roots of spirituality had with those of sexuality. “This is a shade of sex that we don’t usually think about,” Macknee stated. We are insecure about sex, just as we are insecure about our relation-

ship with God. We are afraid to be that honest, vulnerable, and real with another being, human or divine. Furthermore, both sex and spirituality are rooted in the idea that we, humankind, are incomplete and are seeking wholeness. Both have the same energy. As another connection, Dr. Macknee brought up the repeated biblical metaphor that Jesus uses of the bride and the groom. “What do they do?” Macknee asked the still silent audience. “They get it on.” Spirituality and sex both lead to satisfaction, he stated with a chuckle. They both make people feel close to one another, which is why spiritual relationships that develop between people can often become sexual. However, Dr. Macknee continued, sexuality is not a subject that should be hidden, because “things that are

hidden and kept in the dark can become dangerous.” It is in unknowingness that sin is able to distort all things into a dark shade of grey. Macknee then lightened the tone of the evening by noting that, “I think God has a real sense of humor when it comes to sex, it has a lot of irony.” Sexuality both attracts and repulses us, a dualism that came from classical Greek philosophy. “The body is evil, and you want to put it to death, and the spirit is good and you want to elevate it.” This concept caused physical acts to be confusing and led people to view sex as base and vile, for it separated the physical person from the spirit. “Sex is not about separating us, that’s the beauty of it,” Macknee concluded. “Sex is about unifying us.”

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I asked my brother to marry me. But it’s ok because I was only 3!” – Liz Haines

March 20, 2013

ACADEMY.

s m s i r o h p a e m So

a i g l a t s o n on

A critique of chronological snobbery. “Humanity does not pass through phases RICHARD as a train passes BERGEN through stations: being alive, it has the privilege of always moving yet never leaving anything behind. Whatever we have been, in some sort we are still” (C.S. Lewis’ Allegory of Love 1). This statement rings as true for collective humanity as it does for the individual person. There are perhaps no memories that I cherish more than my childhood memories. And, when I contemplate selfhood and ask my-

2009 is not nearly as self-revealing as Have I changed since I was a child? Well, yes, I have. I have had many years of education, and so I have learned to reason and to understand the history posed to many books, and songs, and places, and these have left indelible marks on my person. I have backslidperienced the light and correction of spiritual transformation. But, I think that I can trace all of these things back to the dynamic, living threads that take root in my childhood. Would I even want to have changed from my childhood? As Thomas Traherne once wrote: why would I want to have wisdom, if it only makes me wise to lose my soul? I was happy in childhood, and I am not happy now: whatever happiness I have is a shadow (and is overshadowed) by the true happiness of my childhood days. I

was sincere by nature then, and now the most natural thing for me is to be insincere. I was full of wonder back then, but now that I hear much of the word wonderful, there is perhaps no word more inane to me. Is there any greater insanity than to look down on others because they are young, or even our own younger self ? C.S. Lewis calls it chronological snobbery whenever we call the people of the past backwards or naive. There is nothing more juvenile than disdaining others’ juvenility. Becoming an adult probably has its charms, but they are lost to me. Even if I make a tremendous lunge of the will and I heap all of the ammuni-

Becoming an adult probably has its charms, but they are lost on me. tion of my intellect on the prospects of adulthood, it falls as a pin before the smallest intimation of childhood memory. Many people comment on the fact that I love metal music; when they discover that I only got into the metal scene when I was 16, they think that it was motivated by the spurious spur of a sudden decision. The reality is that the metal music I currently listen to the choral, soundtrack, and instrumental music I listened to as a child. metal and power metal, I intuitively

and suddenly apprehended that this was the kind of music that was made by brothers and sisters of a similar spirit to mine, which I already shared with them in childhood. Whenever I enter into a conversation in which a person is paying attentive respect to their childhood years, I rience an intensely human connection with the speaker. I suffer an ineffable, silent pain whenever speaks of “what they were back then,” casuistically dismissing their juvenility. At the end of The Brothers Karamazov, subsequent to the funeral of the young child, Ilyuschenka, Alyosha speaks these words to a gathering of friends. “You must know that there is nothing higher, or stronger, or sounder, or more useful afterwards in life, than some good memory, especially a memory from childhood, from the parental home. You hear a lot said about your education, yet some such beautiful, sacred memory, preserved from childhood, is perhaps the best education. If a man stores up many such memories to take into life, then he is saved for his whole life. . . . just this memory alone will keep him from great evil, and he think better of it.” Indeed, Dostoevsky is right. A small invasion of the worldview of childhood can do nothing but good for the dying adult. The proper lens of childhood is full of readiness to see God’s Spirit, to make acts of faith, to take in pleasure, to treat others with authentic, not-contrived, humane dignity.

MEREDITH OVERMYER

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I peed into the wind” – Ricky Stephen

March 20, 2013

Why am I at Trinity?

ACADEMY.

A defence of the liberal arts. A few weeks ago I was talking with my PETER six-year-old WOEKEL nephew, Charlie. He’s just starting to read full books by himself, and so our conversation inevitably led to the books he’d been reading. As any kid who is just learning to master something, he couldn’t stop talking about it, going on and on about all the libraries around his house and how great they all were. Of course, I agreed with him the whole time, telling him about how great books are, and how useful libraries can be. I told him how often I use the library for school, about the books I check out for fun, and about how many things I learn at school that I could just as easily learn out of a library book. Then Charlie asked me something very interesting. He asked versity instead of at the library. It was not a hard question to answer, there are some things that you just can’t learn at the library, but it brought to my mind a question that I think most Trinity students end up asking at some point in their studies, “Why am I here? Why Trinity?”

ED K A N FORE BE D GO with Justin Poulsen

I was born with clothes on. My soul who I was became cloaked in the limited expressions and sensations of this body. But even then, this body was too vulnerable—exposed to the physical elements and emotional judgements of my environment. So the adults shrouded my existence further with fabric. Since that day, my true nature has constantly been obscured by carefully-practiced smiles, dutifullybuttoned shirts, and stoically coifed hair. Behind these things, my identity—my soul—lies protected. You cannot know me unless I extend you an invitation to come close—unless I show you the emotions that lie underneath. the body is protected by the clothes. Alas, we are destined to remain til death, we cannot hope to exist as pure souls, eternally exposed to the touch of God. But we can get pretty darn close. This is skinny dipping— to strip yourself of bodily protection in mimicry of baring your soul before the Lord. The cold truth of the water pricks your hair, and you became accutely aware that nothing separates you from this space. You step forward without man-made tool or cloak, and admit you are but a child. Is this not a physical manifestation of a spiritual discipline we spend our lives attempting to master? To develop a sensitivity to the voice of God—an eternal openness to His sovereign will? There are only seven physical things of this planet that were created by God. Six of them we call nature, and the seventh is us. them, and for a time so did we. Genesis ineffably describes that when Adam and Eve sinned, they made clothes and hid from God when he called them. They had just closed their souls to Him and proceeded to also close their bodies from Him—and each other. American poet Walt Whitman describes moral beauty in returning oneself to nature—in re-including yourself in God’s six other obedient creations. “Is not nakedness indecent? No, not inherently. It is your thought, your sophistication, your fear, your respectability, that is indecent. There come moods when these clothes of ours...are themselves indecent.” The next time you go to meet with God, leave your linens behind like Jesus did when he resurrected, rip your shirt open like Job, or even just take your shoes off like Moses. Let the sun touch your skin and the Son touch your soul.

school say they’re here because its a fantastic Christian university. And to be sure, it really is a fantastic Christian university. But to be honest, I wish more people said they were here because its a fantastic Christian liberstudents here don’t even know what it means to be a liberal arts university. I certainly didn’t when I enrolled last spring. So what exactly are the liberal arts? Let’s make one thing very clear, the liberal arts are not the core classes that every student here has to take, nor is it the combination of English, history,

Though he lived some nine centuries ago, and though his philosophy is more dense than cathedral bricks, St Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274) can teach us how to be students, how to live with wonder at God’s world and His truth wherever it is found. Born into a wealthy family with lofty ambitions for their son, the young Thomas was attracted instead to the Dominican order of monks devoted to study and teaching. To change his mind, his brothers locked him in the family castle for the better part of a year, during which Tom memorized the entire Bible and four philosophy textbooks. Nicknamed “the dumb ox” as a young student, due to his reserved manner and portly frame, St Thomas was not afraid of facing the world, even things considered controversial

CAMERON REED

even there. When most of the voices of the Church were balking at the recently discovered writings of the pagan philosopher, Aristotle, ready to throw out the baby with the bathwater because it seemed to disagree with certain church doctrines, St Thomas thoroughly examined the whole thing, writing painstaking, line by line commentaries on Aristotle’s works. He found that, on many points, Aristotle’s philosophy did not contradict Church doctrine, but could even be used to help espouse it! Indeed, he relied heavily on Aristotle’s basic understanding of how the universe

and philosophy that many schools offer as a dedicated liberal arts program. The liberal arts are a commitment to wholeness. They are a lifestyle, the statement that we do not want to label ourselves and box ourselves in. From their beginning in ancient Greece the liberal arts was a program of study including physical exercise, art, science, math, and English. However, it that make the program great. Instead, it is the commitment to knowledge as a whole that sets it apart from other forms of education. The commitment to understanding not only your area into the wider context of God’s creation, how it connects to those areas of knowledge that you don’t focus on.

” ” The liberal arts are a commitment to wholeness.

For most of the last two thousand years, education meant one of two things: either an apprenticeship to learn a trade, or a liberal arts schooling to become a learned individual. Admittedly, in the modern western world few people are faced with the prospect of apprenticeship, but we are still faced with the same fundamental question when it comes to education: are we just here for a job, or are we here to become intelligent individuals who know about the world around them? I for one am here for more than a job. If a paycheck was all I wanted from my education, I’d be at a public school learning Mandarin while double majoring in Econ and Computer Science. I’m not doing those things, however. Instead I’m here at Trinity, learning not only my trade, but also learning the purpose of that trade in

relation to the rest of the world, in relation to the rest of the trades that God has created. in BIO 103, or HKIN 190, or whatever stupid number choir is, try taking a mental pause. Take a few moments to grumble about how boring the course is, how you’ll never use the information you get from it, and how your

wasting $2000 on the stupid piece of crap. Get that of your system, because chances are at least a few of your criticisms are correct. But after you’ve done that, take another few moments to ask again why you’re here at Trinity: is it because you want a career, or is it because you want to understand how

FIGURE he r oe s e g n u s Un THE OF d ay lif y r e v e for FORTNIGHT NELSON BERGEN

magnimus nimenia tusdae si atisciis eum sit int estem que solesequis non cusam ipsam aritem comnis sitis endem re volore qui doloremporem sooperates lupta sperchitiis upon which abo. heAquatem then builtporia which he supposedly prayed before distinctly tatiae iur, Christian ullaut philosophy. earum ipsa is adit starting any writing or study: autem And the quephilosophy natemporibus he built is mossum over Ineffable Creator…you are proclaimed theconsend years was elitati indeed ostiur? a grand cathe- the true font of light and wisdom and the dral, Rioremo intricatelyblaborit, crafted,sent. solidly built, true origin raised high beyond all things. and seeming Cerro explibero to encompass comnien thetintur world.alit Pour Forth a ray of your brightness into vent, Thomas suntio wrote ommoluptate tomes notconesci only onde- the darkened places of my mind. theology, ritatia pediciunt. philosophy, and metaphysDisperse from my soul the twofold igics, but Luptio on psychology berum, accae (in the mamore quos norance into which I was born: sin and ancient nisquas sense eliqui of repelestio. “philosophy Et of autthe om- ignorance.…May you guide the beginning soul”) and on ethics and natural law of my workdirect its progress, And bring it - to completion. ing of the universe as morally intelFor Aquinas, the end of all philosligible. ophy, and indeed of man as a rational Take his massive Summa Theo- animal, was man was made to eventulogica for example. Written as an in- ally, in the light of heaven, see God. troductory textbook for theology stu- As Gilson puts it, “since man is an dents, this beast is so thorough and so intelligent being in an intelligible unilarge that it could easily knock out any verse, everything proceeds as though seminary student I know. He is also the reason for the existence of both [is] to make possible the cognition of in which the existence of God can be God by some intellects.” perceived by the rational intellect. For Aquinas, God is the source Like a cathedral, the point of all and sustainer of all being, both at the this writing and philosophizing was beginning of time and in every moment. And this universe He created is was guided by a life of contemplation, ordered, hierarchical, and intelligible. prayer, and worship. In contrast to the nominalism and relOne of the many writings Aquinas ativism of our age, where any meanleft for us is his “student’s prayer,” ing is “culturally-constructed,” Aqui-

nas asserts that you can get an ought from an is, that the universe is woven with meaning, and we are made in such a way that we can perceive it. And, though we may be tempted by the abundance and thoroughness of Aquinas’ writings, to think that God and the universe can be exhaustively catalogued and understood by man, that is not at all the spirit with which St Thomas wrote. Despite, the grand cathedral of the mind he constructed over a lifetime, St Thomas held that God was always more real and far greater—that we are never able exhaust or fully grasp his essence in this life. Indeed, near the end of his life, Aquinas experienced a mystical vision while saying mass. Compared to what he had seen, all of his writcontinue working, he left the Summa ished. Aquinas was a soul blown open wide by wonder at the reality of God and the world He has made and woven with meaning.

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I caught a duck with my brother’s fishing pole, and it was terrifying” – Deanna Groen

March 20, 2013

ACADEMY.

Growing masculinity What’s really behind the ‘stache. awareness sees boys drop off within

BRYCE PERRY

when concern-

year where facial hair is not widely cel-

attributed to what could be labeled -

and truth was fastened in holy facial -

wants to bless us with burly staches

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I was the kid that hopped like a rabbit in public” – Dave Dueck

March 20, 2013

MEREDITH OVERMYER

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I painted an abstract piece with my mom’s lipstick in the bathroom” – Joel Hagglund

March 20, 2013

YOUNG & FEARLESS

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “My siblings and I threw our chickens in the air to try to teach them to fly” - Stephanie Verseveldt

March 20, 2013

ARTS & CULTURE.

EMMA SPANJER emma.spanjer@mytwu.ca

Corporate Exploring the Christian worship music industry. There

no -

EMMA SPANJER

”

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I ruined my parents’ new wallpaper by firing baby food at the walls from my highchair” – Calum Innes

March 20, 2013

A&C.

r a e d er p p e p Dear Pepper, It seems as if I can’t get enough advice these days. I keep making the same mistake over and over again. I keep getting hurt and I wonder why. I’m not stupid, Pepper, but lately I just feel like an idiot. See, I dated this girl for a while. She had her faults, but don’t we all? In a surprising twist of fate, I recently broke up with her, but lately I’ve been struggling with wanting to get back together even though I know she isn’t right for me. This years. I haven’t dated because I never felt like anyone would be able to love me. And then I met her. And she forced me to open up. And she forced me to feel like I was worthy of being

loved. And so it happened: I fell in love with someone who wanted me, but also wanted to date other people. I stayed with her, loving her, hoping that she would realize that I was worth it. But she never did. And it broke me. worth loving. My question here is not about whether or not we should get back together, because enough people have told me not to, but more about how you heal your heart when you love someone who doesn’t love you PS. I’m not a Christian, so please, don’t tell me that God loves me even if she didn’t. -Fightforme

Dear Fight For Me, I took a trip back when I was 18. It

that the language I knew would not be relevant or helpful in a place. That trip was so uncomfortable. Every place I was or position I was in was uncomfortable. Everything that I did was a big deal. If it was bartering down the price in a street market, avoiding the derogatory kisses blown at me, or the impossible conversations I’d have with the natives of this beautiful land, I was struggling. They told us we’d likely feel like children, that this is why so many people experience anger when they travel. This trip broke me. I made it two months. Two terribly heart-breaking months. But at the very end, I got off my shift volunteering at the cafe and I went to the museum that I drove by every day. It was one of the only things I did alone. I can remember walking through the art and history. There were these beautiful fountains in the courtyard at the center of the museum. As I sat down beside them, I breathed in and out; in all my aloneness; in all my grown-upness. And after everything, I thought: I made it. I think about that moment a lot and about how it’s so important because it is solely mine. When I read your letter that’s where I was taken. I don’t think you are asking about how to mend your

on DECK

broken heart. I think there are so many layers to your letter. So many beautiful things at play, but what all those layers and stories boil down to is this vital question: “How do I love myself ? How do I become okay with my imperfect me-ness when it feels like no one else is?” When I came back from my trip, I went on a retreat. It was to a house in the heart of Vancouver. During this trip I was required to write out the timeline of my life. I can’t tell you how hard it was for me to do that. To be quite honest, I couldn’t do it. I sat there staring at the wimpy line I drew

”

I’ve dated because I never felt like anyone would be able to love me.

”

across this lined piece of paper for a better part of a day asking: “Why?” It wasn’t hard. It wasn’t impossible. But for some reason it was hard for me that weekend. I had someone I was supposed to share my life story with and I had to be honest with her that I actually couldn’t complete the task at hand. Even though it was simple, even though it was mine. In her wisdom, she told me to just talk about myself.

You know what I told her about, Fight for Me? I told her about my sister. I told her about how my sister had struggled for years with body image and bulimia and how heartbreaking that was for me. It all bubbled out of me and into the open from this unknown place. I hadn’t told anyone. My sister’s struggle had been for so long just a fact to me. But as the leaves changed colours and fell from giant trees that weekend, I realized that it was a story I needed to tell. I understood why it was so important to write down the timeline of my life, if only just for me. I understood that in telling my story, I was giving justice to myself. By putting words to the inner parts of me I was actually loving myself. Through reveling in all the beauty and art of a culture I still don’t understand, I was feeding myself. How do you feed yourself, Fight For Me? What are the stories you need to tell youself ? I hope it’s one of a beautiful unfolding, where you realize that who you are is already enough. Love, Pepper Submit your questions to Trinity’s Pepper at marshill@gmail.com

with Justin Poulsen and Chris Montgomery

8.5

8 RHYE Woman If Diana Krall and Jaimie XX had a baby, he (or she...) would be named Rhye. With a honey-misted voice that caresses the tender drums and twiddling baselines, Woman marries easy listening with easy living. You’re not sure if you’re sitting in a smokey jazz basement or breezy star-lit cabana, but it’s successfully sensual. Obviously vocalist Robin Hannibal is gender-bending his way to newsworthiness, which certainly album, but he’s got talent too. The instrumentals occasionally strike a pose with some well mixed horns and harps; but the majority of the synths, allowing the majority of the harmonies to grow from Hannibal’s own voice.

7.5 FOALS Holy Fire It begins by climbing from an ambient dither to a wrenching combination of shouts and wails. It’s full of drawling diary lyrics that lead you back to the haunting malcontent of the 90’s. But before you get there random songs like “My Number” and “Out of the Woods” snap you back into a perky fast-stepping modern disco. Holy Fire refuses to act as a soundtrack to your feelings; it dictates it’s own landscape of echoing guitar riffs, a near-beachy xylophone, and the occasional chorusing of cave vocals. You simply can’t listen to this album all the way through with one emotion. But no matter what song you’re tempted to skip to, it’ll be worth a full listen.

6 DAVID BOWIE The Next Day To the current generation, Bowie is known less as Ziggy and more as a walk-off facilitator, so he had a challenge ahead of him when he decided to bring us some new sounds. The title track kicks into gear without any hesitation. Bowie is still his old self, but keenly aware of the melodies that attract the younger audience. Where Are We Now? Sounds like it could have been lost a few decades ago and re-discovered just in time to make the new album pressing. A legendary artist realizing the important things in life. While they—let’s politely call them ‘experienced listeners’—will be taken on a refreshing yet nostalgic ride, it may fail to attract a new fan base for his next tour.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE The 20/20 Experience Back in 2006 the focus was all on bringin’ sexy back. Although after the 2004 ‘Nipple-gate’ one could argue he might not be the one to do it. The big question after his suprise musical return announcment in January, was could he live up to the ridiculous expectations that come with former N’Sync members? ...Or at least some of them. “Suit & Tie” wasn’t exactly what most people were expecting, but although Jay-Z for once in his life deadens a song, it showed that we were in for a Timberlake well in touch with his now post-30 age. The maturity and steady pacing stays the course throughout 20/20. While their aren’t the same club hits, the themes of love and lust still weave their way through. swelling strings of “Pusher Love Girl” are preluding the entrance of an A-lister at the Academy Awards, but soon the beat kicks in and the charming falcetto takes over. He took his time creating the album and he takes his time taking you through it. With only one song falling under 5 minutes, it really is an experience to go through. Making use of the lengthy track time to journey from James Blake to Bollywood, JT clearly demonstrates yet again, a sophistacted and eclectic sound that proves once again why we should love everything he does.

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I had a bowl cut” - Dan Andrews

6.5 PHOENIX Bankrupt! After four years it looks like Phoenix is anxious to return to the pack of their synthpop-pioneer peers—including the likes of Tegan and Sara and MGMT—who all emerged from the womb of the North American fame machine back in the mid-2000’s. But this time it sounds like Bankrupt! emerged from the womb—and the torrents—two months too early. Bankrupt! is frusterating because it’s so close to being good but then just devolves into mediochrity. It’s obvious that lead singer Thomas Mars is trying to add some gravitas to the band, extending his vocal range and holding on to notes in an attempt to shirk away from their earlier slap-happy party connotations. From the sounds of it, he doesn’t tell his fellow bandmates about this new direction; their intruments refuse to give him any space. The only soul-swaying moment of the entire album occurs at its heart— utes of the primarily instrumental track “Bankrupt.” Here, all the electronics merely accessorize a peeping guitar line and the unmoderated muttering’s of Mars: “Forever is for everyone else...” And then the moment ends, and we’re thrown back into the struggle, thus making the album even more tragic than its contents.

March 20, 2013

ANDREW PARKER

ing Canadian knows “The

but most may not know the unique life of its truly

A&C. Canadian talent. After the release of his 1979 album Tom Connors all but quit music, angered by the Canadian industry. Connors saw and was enraged by the increasing Americanization of Cana

End of the game Canada bids farewell to a musical legend.

himself from the industry. Feeling re of natural causes at the age of 77.

Tom began to write music again, and family in PEI. He lived with this fam

all of Canada and writing songs about

Connors lived on minimal funds

Always a hard working musician, Connors earned himself the Order of Canada, the keys to the city of Pe terborough, Ontario, an Honorary University, and many more awards.

unnoticed by the music industry. He leased 20 albums of original music a hotel bar in Timmins, Ontario—all due to the fact that he was a nickel short to buy a beer. Connors talked few songs for the much desired beer which lead to a 13 month contract to local radio station, and eight record ings.

vision series. icon of Canadian music, and it is safe to say that the industry today owes a lot to his life work. With his death last bastions, not only of uniquely Ca nadian music, but also uniquely Ca nors was one of only a handful in an an American audience unwilling to he made in the name of Canadian mu

another ten albums of original music,

BRYCE PERRY

In my eighth year on this earth I was awoken in an ancient forest

greater artists than ourselves, and ties and ideas. These realms are the

Little did I know these incessant cries not just instruments of creativity.

Buttons

tered the Legend of Zelda. This an cient land of Hyrule would be the arti

tions. We learn about choice, its con those we meet on our journey. These

Yes, there are those games from our childhood that do not offer much

and When I was a child, Lego was my life. For a ANDREW good ten years PARKER I functioned as the creator of a multicoloured brick world. I built cities and stories,

Kart), but when we enter those worlds like LOZ we engage in more than mere button mashing. The toys scat tered around our rooms offer endless

told us when we were younger video

while vast are still limited. However,

against the evils of the world.

a friend can always be the voice of wis

amalgamated into my shifting story line. I stood, or rather knelt, trans hearth, or a technologically advanced

crunch—the jarring sounds of various served to scramble and confuse the allowed for organized creation. With

Bricks

Lego is a timeless treasure of my youth—and many others—because it gives the child the ability to create. craft narrative. For me, Lego served as the one concrete medium within which I could build the world that was

blocks, a stable friend, a shifting can

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I threw up in a swimming pool and they had to evacuate it” – Kristina Reznick

March 20, 2013

A&C.

xploring children’s literature Sometimes even a complex mind could do with a simple story.

I was deeply captivated by books as BRENNA a child, like CARROLL many others. I remember the sense of pride and exLittle House in the Big Woods book. Laura Ingalls’ novel made me deeply fascinated with the simplicity and beauty of pioneer life and inspired me to learn more about the past. There is a beauty in children’s literature that sets it apart from all other mediums of narrative. It caters to children’s imaginative minds, challenging them to take adventures on their own, be creative, to learn about new time periods, to inquire and to ask

However, young Jonas, who is assigned to carry memories of the past, discovers that by eliminating pain, the community has also eliminated love and faith, the beautiful things that give life meaning and purpose. Although I found the novel deeply eerie as a nine-year-old, it also caused me to think about the things that I most value and pursue. Last year, I began meeting with my friend Sarah to talk about children’s literature and to develop my own sto-

questions. Furthermore, children’s literature requires a child’s complete attention and cannot be engaged in passively, which has a profound effect on childhood development. Stories that have stayed with me for years include Frances Hodgson Burnett’s Secret Garden, which examines the healing that comes from being reconciled to nature and to community, and C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia, which allowed me to ask deeper questions about my faith. While children’s television programing fails to truly expose children to serious issues, children’s literature is extremely effective in helping a child examine the world in a new way. One of the most profound children’s books that I have ever read is The Giver by Lois Lowry. The story examines a community that has sought to eradicate pain by eliminating diversity and close family relationships and by making life extremely structured.

ries. My story was about an uptight little girl sailing across the world on a zen village. In many ways, I began to see myself in my character and grow with her. Writing became a form of escapism, allowing me to forget about school for a while and take my own adventures. I sought to rediscover the excitement of story, to be the hero, and to gain a better understanding of myself in the process. I think that great children’s authors have mastered the ability to illustrate beauty in the simplest of forms. This sets their work apart from adult literature and often makes it more profound. Children’s literature has always challenged me to see my life as part of a bigger picture. It has also inspired me to develop a more child-like faith of awe and of reverence for God. For this reason, I will continue to read children’s literature and perhaps even come up with more stories of my own.

Have you heard of The Bible? Spoiler Alert: The Book is better. “ H e y, have you h e a r d CHRIS of the MONTGOMERY B i b l e ? ” : a rather eye-raising question to pose at a Christian university. A puzzled look and hesitant, “Um ya,” and the conversation dies. However, since the History Channel’s record breaking premiere of the The Bible this month,

the conversation takes on a whole new meaning. Since we began putting our imagire-imagine biblical stories as they may have been—often falling hopelessly short. Sometimes the story is faithful to the Sunday School story (Charleton Heston’s Moses or Passion of the Christ). Or more often than not, fresh stories draw strong biblical allusions. Ev-

erywhere from the familiar Chronicles of Narnia to the obscure Breaking the Waves. Hollywood seems to have an obsession with the Good Book--or at least making money off rich Christians. The Bible is a welcome adaption for a couple reasons, not the least of seeing some decent dramatic storytelling from the History Channel (looking at you Pawn Stars). With a few exceptions the technical prowess of the series is impressive, resorting to CG only when lighting a bush on isn’t the most practical choice. As someone who grew up watching and immersing myself in the biband church library VHS tapes, I have developed a certain image storyboard of each book of the Bible. When you sand I have a very distinct yet not particularly traceable image in my mind of how it looked. For this reason it was a little shocking to see Abraham with a beard shorter than 2 inches. I managed to get over it, and maintain my foundation of faith though, don’t

worry. Beyond the suddenly ninja angels, the most interesting element of this series has nothing to do with the acIts viewership and popularity is bound to lead to more Hollywood cash cows cept and imagination and into the cushy theatres of the cineplex. Spiderman parade of tightly spandexed actors strutting through explosions and falling buildings to bring home the dol1, and mainting the number one viewership position in its second week, imitators are certain to follow. Even as you read this, boundary pushing director Darron Aranofsky is in the middle of his rendition of the Noah story with Russel Crowe taking the lead. While it is sure to capture all the gritty details of Noah’s ‘tent escapades,’ don’t count on it to be shown at your local church. What does this mean for the biblical cinema genre and the greater Christian community as a whole? Does having more fast-paced and colourful adaptations of timeless bibli-

cal stories help bring the Gospel to today’s world? Or is it simply going to become the same old mix of cringeworthy ‘caucasian-and-chiseled-chin’ Jesus landish, sacrilegious Jesus Christ Superstar knockoffs? Regardless of what we get bombarded with in the coming years and how many times the pastors of North America team up to endorse the latest attempt at biblical truth in the cinema, one thing remains: it won’t fully satisfy us. Regardless how realistic the tunics or awe-inspring the pillars of recreate the life-changing revelation revealed in every page of the Book we all look to daily. However, rather than treating anything religious that moves on the screen with drenching skepticism, I would encourage you to look for religion and spiritual revelation in everything that moves on the screen. God has ingrained in us an insatiable hunger for Him. Sometimes we satisfy it in the turn of pages, the appreciation of falling leaves on an autumn day—

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I went crawdad hunting before I knew what a crawdad was” – Adrianne Baumunk

March 20, 2013

A&C.

Kid talks

An interview with TWU’s kids in-residence. CORINNA WERDAL

MEREDITH OVERMYER

What are your middle names? Sophie: Sophie Rain Werdel. Penny: Penny

Ann Werdel. How old are you guys? Penny: I’m four and she’s six. I wanted to ask you a few questions,

Who are your two favourite students Penny: All pink. With white inside. Sophie: Would it have animals in it? Penny: No, because they would pee on Sophie: Nope. Penny:

Sophie: Colourful. Penny: My favorite colour is Pink. Sophie: I like whatever. Penny: Going to work. Ok, but what does he do for work? Sophie: He’s a Resident Hall Director Oh, what does that mean? Sophie: I don’t know. What do you like or not like about living here? Penny: I like playing with toys here. Sophie: I like going for walks. Penny: The only thing that I do not like the most is sleeping. Sophie: Penny: She cries [when the alarm goes off ]. Is there anyone else your age who lives here? Sophie: -

Sophie: Umm, we go to the tree [outside Douglas]. And we ride bikes. Penny: The Secret Garden [outside the library].

What is your favourite animal? Penny: My favourite animal is a cheetah. Sophie: I don’t have a favourite. write about? Penny: Don’t write a scary story. Maybe… about a princess that was locked in a tower.

Sophie: We go to the caf by Patti’s ofSophie: What do you like to eat there? Sophie: I like blueberry bagels. Penny: I like umm sandwiches. Umm like the ones that have umm bacon on it. I like those ones. Do you think you would like to go to Sophie: I don’t think so. Penny: School isn’t very much fun.

here, what kind of animals should we have? Penny: and a dog. Sophie: Penny: We can have those too, then.

Penny: Pink and colorful. Sophie: Red. Penny:

say? Sophie: I like lollipops. Penny:

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bcit.ca/ecorestoration It’s your career. Get it right.

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I biked down a hill at 70km/hr…the stupid part was doing it in front of my mom” - Johnny Janzen

March 20, 2013

SPORTS.

CAMERON STUERLE cameron.stuerle@mytwu.ca

s e n i l w e n g n i w a r D ce onferen c e h t aligns NHL re

On Thursday, March 14, the NHL approved ANDREW plan to PATTERSON their realign the conferences of the league. This realignment changes in some big ways. First of all, each conference will be divided into two divisions, instead of the current three. The Winnipeg Jets will be joining the Western Conference while the Detroit Red Wings and the Columbus Blue Jackets will be joining the Eastern Conference. The west will have two divisions of seven teams; the east will have two divisions of eight teams. This realignment will be ‘division-based’ rather than ‘conference-based,’ meaning that making the playoffs depends on your standing within the division rather than in the conference. There is no such thing as a perfect alignment, but we won’t know if it is good until we see it. But even in speculation, there are pros and cons. One exciting pro would be that each team would be visiting every arena at least once in the season. This is especially exciting for us, who

live on the west coast. This means that we get to see Crosby, Ovechkin, and Stamkos play in Vancouver all in the same season, provided that they stay healthy. This could not be more exciting for those with Canucks season tickets, who get to see teams from way out east. Along with this, the teams in the east get to feel the wrath of long-distance travel, something they have had the luxury of not doing too often in a season. Due to the Detroit Red Wings movement east, the Chicago Blackhawks are left as the only original six NHL team in the Western Conference. This to me is very sad, as I did like to watch the Red Wings play. A major con with the realignment is the separation of current key rivalries. Detroit, having dominated the west for many years, has created many good rivalries with the Blackhawks, Canucks, and Predators. Unfortunately, we won’t be seeing those teams go at it too often anymore. Along with that, even within the conferences, the divisions greatly separate some rivalries. The Canucks and Blackhawks will not be seeing each other as often as a result of the large quantity of divisional matchups per season. Same goes for Bos-

ton and New York. The silver lining to this, however, is that new divisional rivals will form. But it’s unfortunate to have a few current rivalries separated. The realignment will make more sense geographically. This is a pro for many teams in the west who have been ‘misaligned.’ Detroit and off. The Dallas Stars also got their where they are currently placed. The realignment will create better travel for most teams, as the divisional teams are geographically closer to each other. One exception, however, would be the Florida teams. The Panthers and the Lightning were put into the same division as the northern eastern teams, which is quite odd. Bettman’s explanation to this was that the Florida teams would get fans from northern markets who spend their time in Florida to watch their games. Poor Lightning and Panthers fans. Bettman understands that it is a bit of a problem geographically, but that it would help from a business standpoint. The pros seem to outweigh the cons in this new realignment. There is no perfect solution to this, but it will be very exciting to see how this turns out. It will seem like a new NHL when new rivalries form. Hopefully for us in the west, it will be a treat to see some of the stars we never get to see.

“I was like, ‘Ice hockey?’ You know. I mean ANDREW I didn’t know PATTERSON -anything about ice hockey,” said Popeye Jones during an interview with TSN. Popeye’s son, Seth, is strongly regarded as the projected number one pick in the upcoming NHL Entry Draft this summer - but not for the NBA like his father. “Although my dad played basketball, I just couldn’t get into it. It just wasn’t fast enough for me,” commented Seth. Although Seth inherited his father’s athleticism, he did not wish to live in his shadows. For Canadians, it is always interesting to hear an American say that he grew up preferring hockey over basketball, football, baseball, or even darts. Along with that, his father played pro ball and did not know a thing about the great game

Like fath er, l ike son

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on ice. It was during Popeye’s career as a Denver Nugget when Seth’s hockey interest began. Seth played street hockey with his brother and friends during his grade school years. On top of that, Seth was fortunate enough to witness the local Colorado Avalanche win the Stanley Cup in front row seats. Seth did not only like hockey, he loved it, and wanted to centre his life on the sport. When Popeye listed Seth’s options to join local sports clubs, hockey was not a part of it. This was mainly due to Popeye’s lack of knowledge in the sport. Seth was hesitant to say to his dad that he wanted to play hockey, so instead he would say. “I love to skate.” After a ured out that Seth was really into a sport that was a complete mystery to him. Because of this, Popeye went to the only person he knew that knew something about hockey. This person was none other than Hockey Hall of Famer, Joe Sakic, who was playing for the Colorado Avalanche during the time. Sakic recommended that

he should put Seth in skating lessons before playing in a league. Following Sakic’s advice, Popeye put Seth Although it sounds like a funny idea, skating at one point of their childhood, including Sidney Crosby, Jeff Skinner, Scott Neidermayer, and— get this—Zack Kassian. Seth gained a lot of talent on the ice. He grew up with many scouts eyeing him during his minor hockey years. Not only was Seth gifted with skill, but he was also gifted with size, standing 6’4” and 201 pounds. His stature made him into a dynamic defenseman, who can defend well with his good skating and long reach while contributing offensively. Seth in the WHL for the Portland Winterhawks, and it may be his only, as he looks to be NHL ready by next season. This past winter, Seth and Team USA won the Gold Medal in the 2013 World Junior Championships, already a major achievement for what is going to be a great hockey career.

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Although Seth did not want to be just like his father playing basketball, he is still athletically talented like his father. This kid will be dynamite.

What’s something stupid as aexcited kid? “While testing the“Events flammability of matches, I burnt down- my What areyou youdid most for this year? like the Banana Challenge” Jendoghouse Newman- Steve Wilding

March 20, 2013

SPORTS.

Prepping for Madness The secrets of the court revealed. If you’re reading this colthen I CAMERON umn, know exactly STUERLE what you are doing this week. You won’t make any progress on your papers, you’ll skip a few classes, you’ll even miss chapel. You will actually be watching basketball. But you will watch blindly because I also happen to know that you have not been watching college basketball this year. Luckily for you, Mars’ Hill has everything you need to know to be an informed viewer and Uncle Cam might just help you win some money.

know for the tournament. 1. Everyone is Terrible: Louisville, the top overall seed once lost three straight, Kansas was the only team to lose to woeful TCU in Big 12 play, Gonzaga has faced the easiest schedule for one seed ever, and Indiana is coached by a crazy person who hates co-ordinated inbounds plays. Florida is 0-6 in games decided by weeks ago, UCLA has no bench, and Georgetown is entirely dependent on one player. All of this is to say that unlike last year when Kentucky was a lock to win the title before playing a

A consistent trend has been top teams losing to overlooked opponents on the road. Watch out for upsets in scenarios where top teams have to play a long way from home. Syracuse, Saint Louis, and Oklahoma State playing in San Jose, and Florida and Miami playing in Austin are prime examples. 2. No singular player is truly great: Don’t fall in love with Kansas because they have Ben McLemore, or with Oklahoma State because of Marcus Smart, or with Indiana because of Victor Oladipo. This is one of the weakest draft classes ever; I legitimately believe that none of the players in this tournament would draft. There is also no guaranteed NBA franchise cornerstone like there was last year with Anthony Davis of Kentucky. Don’t get sucked into individual talent, pick teams with depth. 3. You’re bracket will be decimated by four o’clock on Thursday: Mediocre top teams and a lack of elite talent means one thing: a tournament full of upsets and unpredictability. This makes picking a bracket somehow more feeble than usual. Look for a lot of upheaval in the West Regional in particular. Gonzaga

hasn’t played a team with a pulse in two months, Ohio State jumped from a four seed to a two because of one win, and New Mexico can’t win if Kendall Williams has a bad game. 4. Don’t gamble this year: A wideopen tournament also means bets will be going sideways. Vegas expert RJ Bell estimated that at least 13 Billion dollars will be wagered on the tournament. I suggest you wait until If you really feel the need though, bet Over/Unders. The outcomes are impossible to predict, but the style of play isn’t. Take the Over if Indiana is involved; go under if Louisville is involved. Do some research on the dominant team’s playing style and then take the over or under accordingly. 5. Oregon will win it all: Okay, I can’t actually type with a straight face, but I do believe my Ducks will pull a couple upsets, and make the Sweet Sixteen. Rather, my foolproof predictions sure to go wrong are Michigan State winning the Midwest, Virginia Commonwealth taking the South, Marquette emerging from the East, and New Mexico coming out of the West. Michigan State will beat Marquette to win it all in Atlanta.

Silver Spartans TWU captures three silver medals at Nationals.

Another Track and Field season is in the CAM books for the STUERLE Spartans following a good performance at the CIS Track and Field Nationals in Edmonton. The three medals came from the usual suspects. Calum Innes, part of Trinity Western University’s European contingent, started the medal haul early on day one in his best event, the Men’s 60m hurdles. Innes broke his personal best in the event with a time of 7.98 which also counts as a new school record. The Spartans did not have to wait long to get their second medal of the day, as Australian Rebecca Marchant shined in the Women’s pole vault. Marchant won silver at the Canada West championships by clearing 3.80m; she bettered that mark to 3.85m to win the National silver.

ment. Emma Nuttall has dominated the high jump since she came over from Scotland last year, but she was unable to defend her gold medal from Nationals last year. She broke the Canada West record with a jump of 1.85m, but was only able to clear 1.79m in Edmonton. Being the second best in an entire country is always an accomplishment; furthermore, all of Nuttall’s past wins overshadow one performance that was below her normal standard. Nuttall has nothing to be ashamed of, even if winning silver is a bit of a letdown after everyone was expecting gold from her. Beyond the three medals, there were other impressive performances. The Spartans had numerous top-10

was actually a bit of a disappoint-

17th.

all added up to a productive weekend. In the overall team standings,

in that you can be elated and disappointed at the same time, and I think there was plenty of both of those emotions this weekend,” said Spartans coach Laurier Primeau. “We had some competitors who rose above expectations and overall, it’s such a great thing to see how much our program has grown in one year.” Coach Primeau is right. His program has come a very long way in only a few years; it seemed like an odd experiment when the team was formed three years ago, but they have grown to great heights. The at the last two National Championship meets and there will surely be more to come. The TWU T&F team is heading in the right direction and the success they’ve had speaks to the quality of coaching and athletes in the program.

Mars’ Hill

March Madness

A bracket of random TWU things. I ran a sports blog with a friend of CAM mine back in STUERLE high school. Our favourite thing to write about was always March Madness; not necessarily because we both loved college basketball (we did), but because we could make up 64 item brackets of non-sports things. We did 64 canned soups, 64 fast food burgers (that one nearly sparked a

care equipment, to name a few. of Sports Editor at Mars’ Hill, I wanted to revive my dumb bracket ideas from high school and translate them to Trinity Western University. I had the bracket made up and ready to go and then whoops, Selection Sunday 2012 fell on the same weekend as Volleyball nationals. I had to axe my favourite article and make it wait; and see on the next page are 64 random things that are at least tangentially related to Trinity Western organized in four brackets of 16 and ranked from one to 16, just like the real life basketball bracket. In honour of President Jona-

than Raymond’s impending retirement, I have decided to one overall seed in the Mars’ Hill March Madness, an honour I am sure he will hold in higher esteem than all his other accomplishments in his illustrious tenure at TWU. There are also things in here that are terrible. Items that were a colossal waste of time like, oh I don’t know, the TWU Lip Dub, are in here as low seeds. Remember that the real basketball bracket doesn’t necessarily take the 64 best teams; they automatically qualify small conference champions. Likewise, the Lip Dub, in spite of being awful is in because it won the Colonial League or something. No worry though, the Lib Dub has to face the ever adorable equivalent of putting the Spartans up against an NBA team. Some matchups are co-ordinated, others are done at random. Fill out the bracket yourself or vote for the matchups online. Follow along with the voting and see how your arbitrary random thing about TWU.

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Toru 15

Road Tries 11

Ropes Course 6

Rob Rhea 5

Sue Rhea 4

Campus Golf 9

Tree Tag 8

March 20, 2013

The Lip Dub 16

The Werdal Kids 1

SPORTS. 21

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IPTUFE CZ 5XVTB XXX UXVTB DB Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s something stupid you did as a kid? â&#x20AC;&#x153;I wore underwear as a hat to look like a pirateâ&#x20AC;? - Samira Kreutz

March 20, 2013

HUMOUR.

KAITIE SIMONSON kaitlee.simonson@mytwu.ca

you’re allowed to laugh at this page.

Harlem give your head a shake Paying well deserved dues to an art piece that will transcend time. A man dances alone. CHRIS MONTGOMERY Is he the a c n e scarred, baggy-suited loner at the high school prom? The crowd surrounding him goes about their daily business without even a hint of acknowledgement. Is he the drunken football fan at the Super Bowl? Suddenly he is not alone. With the vigour of a pentecostal revival, everyone in sight is up on their feet and convulsing, twirling, and generally

I was recently in Oakland on the San FranKAITIE SIMONSON cisco Missions trip (everyone should go because its seriously awesome) and learned a few tips and tricks of the ghetto trade. 1) Never refuse to give a random woman on the sky train your soda pop straw (poor Hannah Wanous). Apparently they are relentless about this in Oakland and if you say no they might entertain themselves by smoking joints and lighting candles that they dontgetit 2) Ten white girls walking around late at night is nothing to joke about.

worse, have someone shout, “Hey snow bunnies” at you. Okay, I kinda loved the nickname. 3) Drive-by shootings and bolted doors are actually not a joke in some neighborhoods. Seriously though, there city slogan is actually “Oaklandwhere you’ll survive if you can run

making a fool of themselves. If we were watching this scene in and woefully exclaim, “They clearly don’t have the moves like Jagger.” But alas, this is 2013; we have evolved from the dark ages that bygone era. Now we uncontrollable glee at every Harlem Shake we can get our hands on. Army Edition! Original Army EdiEdition! Underwater Edition! Original Edition!

There are more editions of this waste-a-minute-of-your-life craze than there are editions of Encyclopedia Britannica or Survivor. Of course when you are dealing with the instrumental intricacies and creative complexities of a bass drop, it takes many interpretations and years of exploration to fully grasp its genius. That is the only reasonable explanation for the myriad of versions and takes of this global sensation. If there was ever something that was the true antithesis of “you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all,” it would be the Harlem Shake.

At this point you are probably silently (or loudly) expressing your annoyance with the overly sarcastic manner at which I am addressing this particularly trend. Allow me to stop you right there. My disdain is not coming out of some narcissistic belief that I am capable of higher creativity. No, its just jealousy. If I could travel back in time to the wild west that was late 2012 and somehow, between tweets of Hurricane Sandy and posts of Kimye, stumbled across the now infamous song, would I have scoffed and moved on? Not a chance! I would have grabbed

the nearest camera and the nearest shameless group of acquaintances, ripped off my t-shirt and danced like a fool till the bass dropped—and then for 16 seconds after that. In short, I would have loved to have been the Harlem Shake’s baby momma. But alas I am not. So I will squander in my mediocrity and hope that one day the YouTube gods will look fondly upon me, and provide the next viral hit catchier than syphilis to propel me to 15 minutes of undeserved stardom.

was made up. appreciate it when you try and talk “hood.” I learned this the hard way pretty much everyday while we were there. 5) Don’t ask someone what the acronym tattooed on their arm stands for. Trust me, you don’t want to know. 6) Naming your three sons Elias, thermore, if you’re bad with names in general than good luck remembering A’Keilah, Marzion, Ices, Diandre, Omarion, Chantieri, Katangia and 7) It’s normal for a man to strip down in the sky train station and talk endlessly about whatever comes to his mind. Also, making angry eye contact with him will not make it stop. In fact, it may be an incentive for him to carry on. 8) Not everyone idolizes Jay-Z and Beyonce. Trust me, I was just as shocked as you are.

!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my Oakland Lessons from a missions trip.

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I got stuck in a septic tank with a wasps nest” – Matt Lloyd

HUMOUR.

March 20, 2013

An excerpt from the records of the nunnery. I had a friend who graduated from Trinity GILLIAN DUNN Western University with great social standing AND a boyfriend and so before I began my own TWU journey I felt compelled to ask her the secret to her success. I didn’t bother with course selections, the caf mystery meat or even the best spots on campus to study. Oh no, I was worried about one thing and one thing only: where I would rest my head each night. She revealed the breakdown: Douglas was for the hard-core partiers (if you can call staying up until 2am playing Dutch Blitz a party), Fraser was the happy place and then there was Northwest. As soon as she said the word her whole body reacted in a shudder, like she was trying to forget a nightmare or something. So there I was on Orientation

building placements of 1) Fraser, 2) Douglas and 3) Northwest. I wasn’t fooled by the perfectly lit, bright picture of Northwest on the website, oh no, I had myself an inside source and I was heading straight to Fraser to start unpacking. So, my mom pulls the minivan up beside a lady with a list who held my fate on her clipboard. What came from her mouth were the heard in my 18 years of life: “You are living in Northwest.” I couldn’t control it, I immediately had a picture of -

vourite cat while opening yet another baby shower invitation from a fellow student who had married at the ripe age of 21 and continued to “go forth into the world and multiply.” The reason for her success: she had the good fortune to live in Douglas. the two years (including a three week summer school stint and being an RA there) that I hung my hat in good old NW. To visit that infamous building, even to attend classes on the bottom I will let you in on some of the secrets about this beautiful beast: 1) The rumours are true- it’s a walk. As a nursing students I had to

” ” ever to get extensions, but I will take the title if it’s offered. 3) I got what I like to refer to as “gum surgery” while I had braces back in my preteens. It was because I had a tooth on the roof of my mouth.

heading down the main staircase when I decided to sing out my breakfast order, as in “TWU breakfast sandwich here I come!!!!” It wasn’t until an entire auditorium full of exam-writing

and in my two years living in Northwest I truly grew to love that absurdly bright building with its even more absurd reputation. When I see a pack of giggling girls heading past the gym a little part of my heart warms up and I’m reminded of many wonderful, ridiculous memories. #worththewalk

class. Let’s not lie, we all do it, girls. #notsosubtle 3) The north side of the building is the perfect spot to not only watch hot, shirtless guys play basketball, but to also stalk couples going on walks, having DTR’s, and making out. Now,

KAITIE SIMONSON

had a few wigs. One day I just chopped off all the hair on one of the wigs and attached it to my own ponytail. I don’t

has classes held in it during the day. That not only brings us the Cog but also some embarrassing moments.

heads turned to look at me through the open door that I realized we weren’t alone. I got over it until later that day one of the girls writing the exam asked me, “Hey Gill, how was that breakfast sandwich?”

on life, oh and did I mention the perfectly placed Fraser lounge windows that pose as the seamless, casual way

I had a tooth on the roof of my mouth. Sexy, I know.

the odds. One girl will go down in the history books forever because she had a boyfriend by the end of O-week. The

class started to get over to Neufeld in the nick of time. I remember complaining to a commuter about how early I had to get up and she asked why she never saw me in the collegiums as a commuter. I had to break the news to her: my commute was from across campus, and didn’t even require a car. 2) The walk also brings perks such

1) I had an outin kindergarten that consisted of a bejeweled crop top and attached leggings. The bejeweling was to die for, but I hated the bottoms (leggings weren’t really in yet) so I just wore the top and wrapped the pants around my neck like a scarf. I still totally defend this fashion decision. 2) I got all of my hair cropped off in second grade and was quite upset about it. We had a rather extensive dress-up box at my house that even

you may be thinking, “I see DTR’s all the time, they’re fair game anywhere on Trinity campus.” No, no, the best part about these DTR’s is that these couples actually think no one can see them. Northwest girls are the ultimate resource for campus relationships. 4) Ah yes, relationships. This was going to come up eventually. As someone who lived in Northwest for two years and is in a female dominated program I surrendered to the fact that it may not be in the cards for me here. Every year we are encouraged by previous Northwest tenants who overcome

Sexy, I know. They put some kind of a rubberized plug up there to stop the bleeding and stitched it up real tight so it would hold. I headed back to school after it was done and somewhere midway through a game of rugby (boys and female gym teacher versus girls, obviously) I found myself ripping out the plug with my own bare hands. I couldn’t stop and the blood came gushing. I bet it made the boys go crazy. vorite movie was Grease. I knew all the lines to all of the songs and absolutely no clue what they meant. I used to walk down the street loudly proclaiming and singing to myself, “Look at me I’m Sandra Dee, lousy with VIRGINITY!” My mom and grandmother caught me doing this one-day and I didn’t get to watch that movie for many, many years after that. ementary school days and there was no one I liked to pick on more than ‘lil Danny. He was hopelessly in love with me (probably still is, amirite?) and I told him that if he licked my spit off the ground I would go on a date with him. He didn’t do it. We didn’t date.

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “I ate gum out of a garden box at the fair” - Megan Ducette

March 20, 2013

DE-CLASSIFIEDS.

marshillonline.com/de-classified

Mars’ Hill editors reserve the right to edit or reject submissions based on content and/or length. A printed submission does not necessarily reflect an endorsement of any kind, nor does it necessarily reflect the opinions of Mars’ Hill staff , the student association, or that of the University. In fact probably not. Dear couple in the LC, Please stop giving one another full-body massages in your not so secluded booth. We can all see you. And we were all sad. From, The people who were just trying to do homework. Saying “cray” instead of crazy is just plain lay. I have never lied as much in one day as I did today. Three people asked me how I was doing and I said, “Good.” I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don’t know how much I want. They don’t know my life...they don’t know what I’ve been through. To the people in the collegium talking about racist things and talking crap about spartans. Go home, your drunk. -Colored Spartan. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Girl: “Have you ever straightened your hair before?” Me: “Yes..” Girl: “How long does it take?!” Me: “...About 2 hours.” Girl: “Woah!. . .Can I do it sometime?” -.Thank you for listening to my advice Kevin, you look like a new babyfaced man.

Also, dear roomie, the fact that you’re still asleep when I get back from chapel is not helping any. -(Increasingly) Jealous I read a book about going quietly... it was called “The Silent Pooper”. Dear hungover on a Monday morning, I saw that barf outside the library. So did the poor 17 year old prospective student and her two parents. Thanks for single-handedly robbing TWU of four years-worth of tuition. From, Innocent Tour Guide Open Mic night was great! I loved the dark corners and backpacks all over the place. To the person in the library reading 50 shades of grey, and covering it with a science book, I see you. Wow, that clean shaven guy looks super manly -Said no one Want to play a fun game? Pick the classiest, most suave friend you have and click backwards through their facebook photos. Trust me, devolution at its greatest. What if The Undercurrent is secretly in league with Mars’ Hill? The Shevangelist is creepier than the Himnal, right? It’s not just me?

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Only at Trinity will you find all your clothes perfectly folded on top of the clothes dryer when you come to pick them up 3 hours a$er they finished drying. Thanks random do-gooder! How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. Hey Saskatchewan licence plate, I know you hit that car in the Douglas Parking lot. Feeling guilty yet? Turn yourself in. Sincerely, Your Conscience. “Jaddison?” Really? Why not Julison? Or Juddison—at least. She may be tiny, but she’s more than one-eighth of the relationship. To the North West girls who leave their laundry in the machines for hours without taking it out, you aren’t the only ones who need to do laundry. Its rude, and frustrating. Im so sick of opening every machine, then going back again to see if one is open, just to find your clothes STILL si"ing there! Come on! Have some free time and do know what to do with it? Visit Fraser Apartment 329 to rent a movie for $1 to support summer missions. Over 400 discs to choose to from. For more information visit Movies For Missions on Facebook.

#friendsofnorma? More like #casualacquaintancesofnorma Creating a waiting list for free flightseeing airplane rides. Interested female applicants can contact @ goldennitehawk Jesus is my friend by Sonseed. Look it up, it will convert the nations. There is a prison in a more ancient part of the world, a pit where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes the pit sends something back. And that man is Tyson Lamar Is it sex when your hands touch?

not labeled smarties ice cream in the freezer? Don’t mind if I do. #freereign Where are all the nice guys at? In the friends zone were you le$ them. Surrounded by six people on library computers, I am trying to tell who just farted. Judging by the intensity of the smell, it could have been any of them. Could someone explain to me the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised? Joey Meraw, why are you always naked in your room with the window open?

“But you didn’t have to cut me off.” (every girl with side shaved hair)

An article titled “Dick in a box?” Really? I’m no “prude”, but keep it classy MH.

I have done a surprising amount of legitimate work while waiting for my shows to load. Well played, Trinternet, well played.

Sorry Mars’ Hill, but I don’t think anyone else realized your “Dick in a Box” was a JT joke. #GreatMinds…

To the couple making out in the black car, Those cookies aren’t going to eat themselves.

To the people thowing parties in hotel rooms, get a life. Reese Martin, why is your skin always so golden?

THE HIMNAL Gary Cymbaluk Year: 3 Height: 6’3

Biology/Dentistry

Hometown: Valleyview, AB Denomination: Any church with a potluck. Fave preacher: John Bunyan Top quality in a future mate? Fave Bible verse: Amos 8:3 (ESV)….look it up.

It’d be nice if she had two X chromosomes.

Favourite pickup line? Fave hymn: Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door Favourite man in the bible: Balaam… Ford F Series, King Ranch. How would you win the parents he had an ass that could speak for itself. Favourite way to worship God: over? Free dental work. Burnt offerings. Domestic talent: Cleaning out the fridge. Age limit? I live an unlimited life. How many kids? Max: 4. Min: 4. So probably 4…. Yeah 4. Good age to get married? The bronze age. Biggest deal-breaker: Large tattoos in How long before you propose? questionable locations or questionable tattoos Depends how good her dad is with his shotgun.

in large locations.

What’s something stupid you did as a kid? “In my bullying days, I made a fat kid lick our dog pooper scooper.” - Cheyenne Iswald