Volume 25 Issue 10: Superego

Superego

George Floyd Trial PG. 5

Failure as Fertile Ground PG. 10-11

VOLUME 25 ISSUE 10

Not Ready for “Normal” PG. 13

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MEET THE

TEAM

LETTER FROM THE

EDITOR

The psychoanalytic theory was developed and publicized by Sigmund Freud throughout the early 1900s.

In Freud’s Pleasure Principle and The Ego and the Id, he plunges into the theory to explain the things both unseen and unheard. Essentially, Freud used this theory to explain what is “unknown” about the individual.

By explaining the varying unconscious tendencies carried by each person, Freud’s purpose was to expose the meaning behind each decision a human makes.

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The superego stems from concepts developed through psychoanalytic theory. Paired with two other concepts, the ego and the id, Freud paints a picture for each dilemma that may be faced by an individual. The id is described as the part of the mind driven by desire and instinct. In some ways, the id could be seen as the devil on your shoulder since the unconscious desire a human has may not always be the right one.

To demonstrate, Freud coupled many components within the psychoanalytic theory to another theory of his: the iceberg theory. As you may know, the bulk of an iceberg is found underwater, but the top of it is all we see above the water. Since each human is filled with immense depth, Freud used this demonstration in order to emphasize the complexity and mystery of the mind. Since the id is seldom seen at the forefront of one’s outward self, it exists as the deep, dark desires that are unconscious, and unseen by others. Visible to most, the ego balances out the id and the superego. In other words, it is the rational backing of the individual that is most commonly seen.

The superego, which we have decided to center our issue around, is where our innate and social standards of morality come to the forefront of a person. The superego exists to balance out the id’s effect on the individual, assisting the ego’s role in making the correct decision as a result. As we dive into this topic together, I hope you learn more about yourself, the world around you, and how we can explain some of the good and bad things that occur in our day-to-day journeys through life.

We hope you enjoy our last traditional issue of the year. We have a big surprise for you coming soon! In the meantime, applications are open for next year’s team. I have been blessed to work with an immensely talented group of writers, artists, and tech-savvy people. If you have any interest in applying, please check out our social media platforms or website.

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“Who hungry?” - Alex Ovechkin

MARS’ HILL

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MEDIA ADVISOR: Loranne Brown 22500 University Drive, Langley Twp, British Columbia, Canada V2Y 1Y1 marshill@gmail.com marshillnewspaper.com IG @marshillnewspaper Twitter @marshillnews facebook.com/marshillnewspaper

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Mars’ Hill is a student publication of Trinity Western University located on the traditional ancestral territory of the Sto:lo people.

Floated with funds raised by the Student Association, Mars’ Hill seeks to be a professional and relevant student publication, reflecting and challenging the TWU community, while intentionally addressing local, national, and international issues.

MISSION TO MARS

The mission of Mars’ Hill, as the official student newspaper of Trinity Western University, is to inform and entertain its readers, cultivate awareness of issues concerning the TWU community, and provide a forum for purposeful, constructive discussion among its members in accordance with the Community Covenant, Statement of Faith, and Core Values of the University.

EDITORIAL POLICY

Mars’ Hill encourages submissions and Letters to the Editor. Mars’ Hill reserves the right to edit submissions for style, brevity, and compatibility with the Mission, the Statement of Faith, the Student Handbook, and the Core Values of the University. Anonymous authorship of any material may be granted at the discretion of the Editor-in-Chief. Opinions expressed in Mars’ Hill belong to the individual authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the editorial board, Trinity Western University, its officials or its Student Association.

CONTRIBUTORS

Bethany Haynes Sydney Dvorak Emmett Hanly

Sara Driediger Michael Plenits Braedon Grover Sunnes Spencer Gerth

DECLASSIFIEDS SUBMIT YOUR OWN AT MARSHILLNEWSPAPER.COM/DECLASSIFIEDS

Of all the Alstad brothers- Zachary Alstad is by far my favorite.

i said alter eager instead of alter ego but somehow thats better

Guys: If your female friend suddenly brings another female friend to study with you (who you may only know a little bit), odds are the other friend is interested in you and your friend is helping her get to know you ;)

I love TWU, but it seems to be filled with FOMO’s

Banning alcohol on campus has its positives, but it does not bring any of us closer to Jesus in any way.

When “proposal” is on your calendar but it’s a paper proposal assignment :/ RIP ring by spring I have spoken Bread of life is life PLEASE the torch on the top of the TWU entrance sign is covered in MILDEW! It’s ridiculous I pay $30,000 a year and have to dry my clothes with a fan because the dryers don’t work. Cmon man.

Socialism is Jesus’ system why is the picture besides where you submit declassifieds so creepy?

By the time you’ve read this, it will be too late Is having both the red and blue pill an option?

I derive satisfaction from being the only person in this university with my name

nope

2020-2021 Marshill team members are very genuine and good-looking. The team was awesome this year! May you all have great days after working at Marshill. You all are awesome :)

Everyone needs a guardian angel when you’re friends with Abigail.

CanYON MOOn - Henry Styles

Tyler Jones is a very humble guy

778-228-8554

Emma Dykstra looked really pretty in last issue’s picture Makena Wardle is such a sweet girl Eddison Bryan seems like an analytical editor Carter Sawatzky smiles all the time and it’s encouraging Liv Walton is a very friendly girl Luke Rattray is a Charismatic sports editor Nyssa Morgan’s self-care article was very creative Monica Rawlek Elizondo’s article about failure was consoling Rachel Wegner’s visual work is professional Georgia Henkle’s professional illustrations made me look forward to Marshill releasing dates Paige Macintosh’s layouts were very clean-cut Caroline Peterson’s photos were top-notch Nathan Ahrendt is an adorable guy

plz find me a boyfriend

206-599-9006 how much does it cost to have someone else write your thesis?

206-389-7543 boom “How do you delete a minor? It’s Biblical Studies get me out of here.”

-R.H. can you see who submit these?????? asking for a friend No, but we wish we could because some of you have sent in some very distrubing things and we’d like to check in with you. -Emma “god said you should eat gummies because chocolate is good for your bones, and sleeping is good for your mental health” - AD, writing a midterm Please keep an online option this Fall 2021!

I’m gonna miss homeschooling on my bed. [insert joke] How do first years find significant others DURING A PANDEMIC?? Like??? Also who be meeting people on campus?? - your fellow 3rd year

Only Taryne Lepp and the Holy Spirit are holding Trinity together - Lauren Kurtz at this point, we paying for credits, not classes Are you really a gen-z if you don’t turn off auto-capitalization Some may fear running into the unknown, but please just tell me where else can we go?

Disney couples are beautiful but it is more realistic if they had ugly arguments and morning breath every now and then.

If the human mind is smarter than the most powerful computer, than why can’t I understand Excel??

Maybe not every relationship is awful. If I think about it, it feels good to be loved by other guys who think I’m introspective.

“Do you think I could become a sugar baby?

A lot of moms really like me.” -J.K. body hair is natural on the female body. Don’t give yourself brain rot for thinking and expecting the opposite to be true. God said it was good.

A minimum of 8 sources???!!?? Can my death certificate be one of them???????

Mars’ Hill editors reserve the right to edit or reject submissions based on content and/or length. A printed submission does not necessarily reflect an endorsement of any kind, nor does it necessarily reflect the opinions of Mars’ Hill staff, the student association, or that of the University.

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NEWS 372 DAYS OF PANDEMIC-ING: AN ARCHIVE EDDISON BRYAN

Three hundred and seventy two days. That is how long it has been since the World Health Organization (WHO) declared that the globe was facing the COVID-19 pandemic. Since March 11, 2020, the world has been in a frenzy. At Trinity Western University (TWU), all in person schooling was haphazardly shifted to an online platform on March 18.

“Zoom university” became the go-to caption for youth who no longer had to get up an hour before their morning classes, nor loathe the commute to school. Instead, their mornings begin 5 minutes before class when they roll over, grab their laptops, and join class from bed with the camera and microphone turned off.

Shopping malls, restaurants, movie theatres, events and all public gatherings had to cease operations in April. The public was encouraged to get out of their homes, but only when it was essential for their survival. Toilet paper, bread, masks, hand sanitizer, and water quickly became a rarity in supermarkets as they stockpiled in homes across British Columbia. As hundreds of thousands of workers lost their jobs, the Government of Canada launched a $74.08 billion relief package, known as the Canada Emergency Response Benefit (CERB).

This financial assistance and month long lockdown eagered many, and talks of a possible vaccine could not come any sooner––to the point where the former United States President Donald Trump suggested in his daily briefings for injecting disinfectant as a possible combatant.

The end of May recorded a historic mark in the US as it hit one hundred thousand deaths from the virus. Transmission and hospitalization rates generally declined over the remaining summer period. By this point, the average individual was wearing a mask and faced scrutiny if they entered public spaces without one on. TWU’s fall 2020 semester welcomed its multi-access approach, where students could take most

classes online either synchronously, or asynchronously. Most other universities and institutions across the world implemented this as well, but dispelled pleas for a reduced tuition given the online format.

With the Canada-US border closed for non-essential travel since mid-February 2020, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners were smaller and felt different as families were told to stick to their bubble. The world regained hope after the Pfizer-BioNTech and Moderna vaccines got cleared for emergency use in the US and Canada in December. The United Nations International Labour Organization announced that 255 million full-time jobs were lost worldwide in 2020, due to the pandemic. The new year rolled out a lot of positives, with an amplification of vaccine distribution throughout provinces across the country.

Israel has been the global standard for the immunization of citizens, as it has currently vaccinated over 42 percent of its population. Two more vaccines have been approved by Health Canada, namely by Oxford-AstraZeneca and Johnson & Johnson, bringing the national vaccine suppliers to 4. This news has brought relief to many students as TWU announced on March 5 that a return to in person classes is expected for the Fall of 2021. With the increased vaccine supply in BC, youth aged 18 and above are expected to receive their first dose earlier than expected––jumping from September to July.

The world has been facing the pandemic a year now, but human ingenuity and innovation has led to the future looking bright. However, with the growing number of variants from around the world, one would hope that after a year of pandemic-ing, the society implements early safeguards to prevent the continued spread.

COLUMN: FEMINIST NEWS BRING A FOLDING CHAIR

SYDNEY DVORAK

March 8 was International Women’s Day, a day devoted to uplifting the achievements of women worldwide. Every year, the United Nations presents a different theme to focus on. This year’s theme: celebrating women’s voices in leadership.

According to the United Nations (UN), women serve as heads of state or government in 22 countries only, and a total of 119 out of 195 countries have never had a woman leader.

Out of data collected from 133 countries, women compose only 36 percent of elected officials.

Women are vastly underrepresented in governments all over the world. Even in the United States, women constitute under 24 percent of officeholders, placing them below most industrialized democracies.

Underrepresentation of women in politics and government means that, more often than not, policies do not reflect the needs of women.

The UN reports that at the current rate, we will not reach equality in politics and government for 130 years.

Underrepresentation and inequality will remain a continual problem for our daughters, granddaughters, and great granddaughters unless we take action.

As Shirley Chisolm, the first Black US congresswoman said: “If they don’t give you a seat at the table, bring a folding chair.”

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So, how can we make space at the table?

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Support feminist candidates

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Support initiatives that train and uplift women who face

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Call for more representation

intersecting forms of discrimination

Use your voice and platforms to share women’s voices Bring your chair to the table

Strong women are leaders in all areas of society, and celebrating their achievements does not need to be limited to one day. However, International Women’s Day provides a spotlight for opportunities for more equality.

COLUMN: WHAT THE HONK?

THE GEORGE FLOYD TRIAL: SETTING A PRECEDENT IN THE US JUSTICE SYSTEM MAKENA WARDLE

Content Warning: police brutality, violence, racism Almost a full year has passed since the murder of George Floyd. By now, every one of us has heard his story––or at the very least his name.

On May 25, 2020, the police were called on George Floyd, a 46 year old Black man, for purchasing cigarettes with an alleged counterfeit bill. Floyd was pinned to the ground by police officer Derek Chauvin, who proceeded to kneel on his neck, ignoring Floyd’s repeated pleas for his life and cries that he could not breathe. After nearly nine minutes, Floyd was dead. Chauvin refused to remove his knee from Floyd’s neck until after paramedics had arrived.

There were three other officers present: J. Alexander Keung, Thomas Lane, and Tou Thao. All four police officers were fired following the murder, and Chauvin was charged with second-degree murder and manslaughter. The three other officers were charged with aiding and abetting second-degree murder, and their trials are set for August, 2021.

The murder of George Floyd sparked Black Lives Matter (BLM) protests across the United States and Canada. Though TIME magazine reported that 93 percent of these protests were peaceful, the New York Times stated in a recent article that law enforcement has been criticized for responding to these protests “with force, by tear-gassing protesters, shooting rubber bullets and conducting mass arrests.”

These protests also sparked a rebuttal to the BLM movement and their call for a reform within the police system in the United States. Many began to push back with the phrase “blue lives matter,” as a way to show their support for law enforcement.

On March 12, it was announced that Floyd’s family would receive a $27 Million dollar settlement for their civil suit against the city of Minneapolis. According to CBC, the family’s attorney, Ben Crump, said that this settlement “makes a statement that George Floyd deserved better than what we witnessed on May 25, 2020, that George Floyd’s life mattered, and that by extension, Black lives matter.”

Trail for Chauvin’s case began on Tuesday, March 9, 2021––a day later than originally scheduled due to the addition of a third-degree murder charge. Jury selection is predicted to take a few weeks due to the publicity of the case, and the need for an impartial jury to ensure a fair trial.

Though the death was ruled a homicide by the medical examiner, Chauvin’s lawyers are arguing that the fentanyl found in Floyd’s system led to an overdose, and that this was the main cause of death.

Almost a full year later, this case remains just as important. Not only was an innocent man’s life taken, but numerous other people of colour such as Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery have yet to receive justice. These people are more than just names—they were real individuals who lost their lives at the hands of a corrupt system. The outcome of George Floyd’s trial will reveal just how serious the United States is about bringing change within its justice system.

WHY THE HONK YOU SHOULD VOTE

EMMA DYKSTRA

After consistently saying “what the honk” in response to every weird thing I encountered during my four years at Trinity Western University (TWU) while simultaneously being in love with the world of Canadian politics, I was told I should start a news column centered on educating readers on the lesser known aspects of our country’s political news and system. A year and a half later, I have had a fantastic time serving as Mars’ Hill’s Canadian encyclopedia. For my last edition of “What The Honk”, I thought I would explain why the honk you should vote.

While it seems very obvious that you should vote, I thought this would be a good way to end a column dedicated to Canadian politics and government.

Voting is an essential part of being active within a democracy. When you vote, you are standing up for the issues most important to you. Everything you dream that this country could be is on the ballot come an election. From pipelines to French language rights, every single Canadian political hot topic is on display, and you are expected to hold an opinion. This is your chance to do something about the things that matter most to you in the realm of politics. When you don’t vote, you give up your voice.

There is talk of a Canadian federal election this spring. Not only do I encourage you to vote, but I encourage you to do your research. Look at each candidate closely. Read the platforms–– don’t just follow the Instagram pages. We deserve educated decisions from our lawmakers, and they deserve educated decisions from us.

You will never find a candidate that perfectly lines up with your views, but there will always be one that is the best for you.

That concludes “What The Honk”. It has been wonderful getting to talk about the issues, concepts, and hot topics in Canadian governance for the past year and a half. I learned a lot writing this column and I hope that you all did too. Stay informed, stay safe, and stay friends with geese (they’re really not that bad once you domesticate them, I have the experience).

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ARTS & CULTURE

LOOPHOLES ANONYMOUS

Content Warning: graphic language, sexual trauma, virginity, evangelical purity culture, shame If you grew up Evangelical, you may have heard a youth group sex and relationship sermon. If you have not, I can save you the cringes and cut to the heart of the discussion: there is a thing called “sex,” and there are acts that are “sexually immoral,” and you should never do these vague things outside of marriage. The end.

The thing about youths is that they are wild, hormonal, curious, and loving. They have bodies that are awakening to their own sexuality for the first time: and in the church this is all without guidance or acceptance. Their curiosities are shamed and burned to the ground, leaving unanswered questions too dirty to own up to.

It is no wonder why every anonymous question box is filled with sweaty pieces of lined paper with questions such as: How far is too far? Is it sex if I use my hand or mouth? How do you know if you are still a virgin?

As a person raised conservatively, I have heard it all. There are dozens of loopholes that skirt around sex––but in the end, they are all still sex.

Because sexuality is an integral part of most people’s identity and is an intense relational gesture, burying sex with shame only drives youth into uninformed behaviour. If kids want to have sex, they are going to have sex. Rules and curfews are only hurdles, and shame drives sex into secrecy and the shadows.

To all the kids in youth group sex sermons: you probably were having sex with your partner, and that is okay. Loopholes are made-up, and you deserved to be told that virginity is made-up too. Be it a handy, oral, anal, and everything in-between, it is all sex. It is sex just because it is, but also because not all people who have sex together have a penis to put in a vagina like pastor Tim says. Not all people who have sex want that kind of sex even if they do have a penis and a vagina.

The idea that penetrative sex is the only act that affects one’s virginity is uninformed at best, but the root of the issue is the concept of virginity in the first place. The reason so many kids wrote those messy anonymous notes is because they were terrified of the shame narrative that Evangelical theology overflows with: you are stainable, breakable, dirty, and rash.

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Sex is sensuality. Whatever so-called loophole you have managed to find, it is sex. Sex does not need ideological loopholes; it just needs an excellent understanding of hygiene and consent.

FEAR AND GOD: CHRISTIANITY’S RELATIONSHIP TO HORROR EMMETT HANLY

Horror and religion have always made for strange bedfellows. Countless frightening films of varying degrees of quality have been made about religious subject matter, despite often being shunned for their depictions of all things sinful. Horror is perceived as an anti-Christian medium, being the perfect example for some of all things wrong with modern media. However, horror movies that are not explicitly about Christianity often end up endorsing conservative Christian morality: for example, it has long been a trope within the slasher sub-genre that characters who engage in premarital sex or substance abuse are violently punished for their misdeeds, while those who abstain from pleasures of the flesh are the ones who survive. Holistically, the horror genre perceives Christianity and religion at large in various ways, both critical and affirming.

girl, and her parents do not believe her because of the perceived inherent sinfulness of her gender. We watch as the traditional family unit completely tears itself apart, and eventually––*spoiler alert*––Thomasin becomes exactly what her family feared the most.

The most iconic example of a horror movie about Christianity is William Friedkin’s The Exorcist. While many Christians found the film to be offensive due to its graphic portrayal of a demonic possession, it is a film that holds fast to Christian beliefs, having a screenplay written by a devout Catholic.

In the movie, two Catholic priests are dispatched to exorcise a demon who has possessed a young girl, Regan. The movie tacitly implies that Catholicism must be inherently correct, as for this situation to even be possible in the first place, heaven and hell must exist. While the film is quite extreme and explores themes of doubt and corruption, The Exorcist portrays faith positively.

The Conjuring movies operate similarly. Several of the films in the franchise appeal to conservative Christian ideas of spiritual warfare, where demons could take hold of those who stray from the path. Chad Hayes, co-writer of the second film in the franchise, said in an interview that: “Conjuring 2 is a story told through the eyes of believers, whose strongest weapon is their faith in God. Our film allows believers and nonbelievers to travel their journey with them, and in some ways, maybe affect someone who is on the edge of faith, and somehow give them the strength they need.”

While The Conjuring franchise does loosely adapt the real-life stories of Ed and Lorraine Warren, two Christian celebrity ghost hunters of the 1970s, the first movie has been criticised for revising the history behind New England’s witch trials, portraying the women who were persecuted on the basis of gender in this time to be true satanists. Many have considered the film a rather harmful piece of fiction because of this, as it would give credence to the persecution of women in that era.

Robert Eggers’ 2016 film, The VVitch, takes a similar premise but approaches it much more critically, contrasting the messaging of The Conjuring with a more scathing look at belief. The VVitch follows a puritan family in colonial times, and while this A-24 film presents the existence of witches as real, it is the people who fear them who do the most damage. The protagonist, Thomasin, is subjected to false accusations of witchcraft simply for being a teenage

The most anticipated A-24 horror movie of 2021 thus far, Rose Glass’ directorial debut Saint Maud, further expands upon the criticisms of religion laid out in The VVitch. The titular Maud is a young nurse who, after a traumatic event, converts to Christianity and becomes convinced that God is speaking to her directly. A dying atheist is put into her care, and Maud becomes convinced that it is her purpose to convert her patient. Most movies of similar ilk would leave space for ambiguity so that Maud’s visions could either be interpreted as real supernatural events or as her distorted perception of reality. However, Saint Maud’s final frames shatter any potential room for alternative interpretations: Maud’s faith was not leading her to any kind of salvation, but instead fed the atrophy of her mental health. This movie’s portrayal of Christianity appears the least forgiving, postulating that Maud’s blind faith is an unhealthy coping mechanism that isolates her from reality, and that it may have been better for her to reach out to the people in her life for support instead of God. It would be difficult to argue that horror movies are by-and-large an anti-Christian medium. Though often critical of faith, the genre is not as one-sided as many would believe. Fear has been used as a tool to scare people into belief through sermons warning of hellfire and brimstone for centuries: examples like The Exorcist and The Conjuring show that it evidently still is weaponized for that purpose. At the same time, that same fear can be invoked for the purpose of criticizing religious institutions and their influence on culture. Ultimately, the genre will continue to be used by people of all backgrounds to tell whatever stories they feel are best told by chilling us to the bone.

HOMEWORK HOW-TO’S: GETTING THE UPPER HAND ON ZOOM UNIVERSITY MICHAEL PLENITS

Barbara Ann Oakley is an American Professor of Engineering at Oakland University and McMaster University whose online classes are some of the most popular in the world. However, she was not always good at science. Her book, A Mind For Numbers: How to Excel at Math and Science (Even If You Flunked Algebra), talks about how she did poorly in math and science all throughout highschool. However, after Oakley finished her service with the military in her mid-20s, she wanted to see if she could learn complicated subjects even though she had not grown up liking them or excelling at them. This led to her getting a Bachelor’s, Master’s, and PhD in engineering. Below are some tips and tricks directly from her course Learning How to Learn: The Pomodoro Method. Turn off all notifications and avoid self inflicted distractions. Set a timer for 25 minutes and focus on the task at hand. Once the timer is up, reward yourself by going for a walk, checking social media, or having a quick snack––and then repeat the process. The reward and break is important; do no not just keep resetting the timer as this will lead to burnout.

Diffuse mode. Have you ever wondered why some of your best ideas come to you when you go for a walk, take a shower, or when falling

asleep? Scientists have come to understand that, when tackling an issue, the brain has two different modes. Focused mode is when the brain is focusing intensely, and diffused mode is when the brain is working on a problem in the background while you do something relaxing. Do not just stare at a problem for hours on end: instead, take a break and allow your brain to do some of the work for you subconsciously.

Overview and Sections. When learning new material, do not get too focused on trying to master one section first. Flip through the entire section and look at key elements such as images, formulas, and highlighted sections. After gaining a general sense of what that chapter is about, go through each section and try to understand specifics. Often students get caught up and frustrated trying to master a specific thing before moving on. Sometimes, by looking ahead, the answer for what the student was getting stuck on becomes clear.

You now have a few more tools on how to crush your assignments and exams. Good luck!

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THE MUSICAL COMEDY MURDERS OF 1940: IT’S NOT A MUSICAL! BRAEDON GROVER SUNNES

The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940 by John Bishop is a hoot and a holler, and I am just dying to share it with an audience. This semester, SAMC Theatre is putting on a murder mystery full of ridiculous characters and situations. Over the last two months, plenty of hard work has been put into this project as cast members learned to perfect the slapstick nature of this show in the hopes of capturing a classical comedy feel that will get the audience to bust a gut laughing.

Enter Elsa von Grossenknueten: owner of the mansion where this mystery takes place. Two years ago, her dear friend Bebe McAllister was murdered during the run of Manhattan Holiday, a show she funded. Elsa is seeking to catch the culprit. In an attempt to reassemble all of the possible suspects, Elsa hosts a private audition with all of Manhattan Holiday’s creative team, hoping that one of them might slip

up and reveal a clue that could reveal who the killer was. However, to convince these suspects of the authenticity of this event, Elsa and an undercover police sergeant also enlist three presumably innocent actors to make the audition seem more authentic.

With a house full of peculiar guests and secret motives, audiences will be thrown into a whirlpool of a comedy, full of murder––but hardly anything musical. Though we are not able to have live audiences at the time, the show will be broadcast live to screens around the globe.

The show will be streamed nightly from March 24-27 at 7:30 p.m. PST and a Saturday matinee at 12:00 p.m. PST for just $5.89 a student ticket. With only a week of performances, do not miss your chance to catch the Stage Door Slasher with the cast and crew of The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940.

THE K-POP PURGE OF 2021 NYSSA MORGAN

On February 28, 2021, global fans of K-pop experienced what can only be compared to the red wedding from Game of Thrones as hundreds of Korean artists were unexpectedly purged from Spotify. The reason involved a complicated licensing dispute between Spotify and a South Korean distributor, Kakao Entertainment, which is one of Spotify’s direct competitors thanks to the latter’s recent launch in the country. The purge was massive as it impacted established artists, newer groups, indie artists, and everyone in between.

The outcry from fans was immediate: users reportedly canceled their Spotify subscriptions as #SpotifyIsOverParty started trending on Twitter worldwide. Amid public backlash over the music’s removal, the companies blamed each other for the breakdown in negotiations.

The dispute sheds a light on both the perils of the entertainment industry’s trend toward centralized—even monopolistic—streaming platforms as well as the way territorial music industry practices can so frequently rebound directly upon the artists and the public.

Kakao Entertainment handles the distribution for many of South Korea’s biggest artists, including IU, Seventeen, Monsta X, Epik High, MAMAMOO, and many others. Kakao Entertainment controlled distribution for nearly 40 percent of the songs featured on one popular “Top 400” Korean chart for the year 2020. In other words, a huge proportion of Korea’s most popular artists have their albums and songs distributed by one company.

The rise of streaming platforms means an increased ability to access more content from around the world. But it also means there is more opportunity for corporations to exploit artists and consumers.

This debacle hurt listeners who rely on Spotify to connect with their favourite artists, not to mention the huge financial loss to artists who miss out on royalties from streams on the platform. This cost impacts Korean artists far more than it does the corporations that are holding their music hostage.

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The globalization of the music industry and other types of media means more people are regularly discovering artists and stories from around the world. While that is a big bonus for music lovers everywhere, the Spotify purge has shown us that it can also be a double-edged sword. As of March 10, Kakao Entertainment and Spotify have made amends, restoring hundreds of K-pop songs to the streaming service. However, it is unlikely this will be the last time a major streaming platform’s competitive business practices ultimately wind up hurting the very artists and fans it claims to support.

ARTIST SPOTLIGHT: NYSSA MORGAN acter I was playing was on her way to bring food to the family who just had two funerals, talking about how tragic it all was. I was carrying two porcelain dishes but I had these black silk gloves on and one of the dishes slipped out of my hands. The other actor on stage caught it and I caught the other one before it fell too. I just looked at her and said, in my deep Southern accent, “Well, that could’ve been tragic too.” Comedic gold.

WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY INVOLVED IN? I am currently playing Nikki Crandall in SAMC Theatre’s production of The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940 which will be streaming live March 24 to 27! I am also coordinating 11:07 again this year and, since we can’t do in-person shows, you can check out our monthly episodes on Instagram and Facebook.

WHAT IS YOUR YEAR AND MAJOR? I am a 4th year Acting major!

WHAT DRIVES YOUR CREATIVITY? The promise of fame and fortune. Just kidding.

Kind of. Maybe just the thought that I could offer some validation or understanding to people who don’t really feel seen or heard through my art. That is what I love most about my favourite writers, actors, and artists, and that is what I strive to achieve with my work. But also being famous would have its perks too.

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF AS AN ARTIST? I don’t know if there is really a good way to nail down exactly what kind of art I want to make. I know, first and foremost, that I am a storyteller.

As an actor, the focus is on telling someone else’s story and I love that aspect because I get to step into shoes that are nowhere near mine. The thing I realize now is I want to tell my own stories so that my art reflects me or things I care about. That can mean anything from mental health, to LGBTQ+ issues, to just dumb jokes that make me laugh way too hard.

HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED AN ARTIST/ACTING AWAKENING? TELL ME ABOUT IT. I don’t know if it’s an awakening but the most fulfilled and validated I have felt as an artist is when I was told my play, Spin Cycle, was going to be produced. It’s the first play I ever wrote and I poured my heart into it so to have that opportunity was unreal. I cried tears of joy for hours. That’s how I knew that playwriting was something I wanted to keep doing after graduation.

WHAT IS ONE OF THE HIGHLIGHTS OF YOUR ACTING CAREER? The peak of my acting career has to be my insane acting instincts kicking in on opening night of my first ever play at TWU, The Cover of Life. The char-

WHAT INSPIRES YOU TO DO WHAT YOU DO? It might be cheesy to say but I get inspired by life.

Telling stories and creating worlds is all about sharing experiences with an audience and hoping they will connect to it or learn something new. My

biggest fear is getting stuck at a desk job and not being able to really live and have the freedom to create.

HOW HAS YOUR ART SHIFTED AMIDST THIS “NEW NORMAL”?

Theatre getting shut down was a huge hit to me and our community last year, and finding ways to create shows has not been easy. In rehearsals, we wear masks and are socially distanced even on stage but I am so happy to be finishing my degree with one last show. 11:07 moving online hurt the most because we lost the ability to have that community and teach others how to do improv. While we can’t make people laugh live and in-person right now, my co-host Braedon and I have adapted the show fairly well and still bring joy to TWU. HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO THRIVE UNDER PRESSURE—LIKE DURING IMPROV? The secret to success is turning your brain off. The second I start thinking, that is when the spiralling or self-doubt happens. I am at my best when I am just following my instincts and that switch in my little pea-brain is not on.

WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR YOU? Being burnt out by school has killed some creative juices so I am looking forward to getting some breathing room to explore all the ideas trapped in my brain. I have been writing a sitcom in my head for five years now so maybe I’ll get started on that.

Or maybe I’ll travel (post-pandemic of course) and expand my horizons. Or maybe I’ll just marry rich and retire early. The possibilities are endless.

WHERE CAN WE FIND YOUR ART? The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940 will be streaming live from March 24 to 27. All episodes of the “The 11:07 Show” can be found on the 11:07 Instagram and Facebook pages. And, of course, find all my funny and informative articles exclusively in Mars’ Hill.

ATHLETE SPOTLIGHT: SPENCER GERTH watched Jordan Eberle and loved him and how well he did in that tournament. I also like players like Boone Jenner and Mark Stone––they play a more physical brand, to which I attribute myself.

HOW DID YOU FIRST GET INVOLVED WITH HOCKEY? When I was a kid my dad asked me to choose between hockey and basketball; I loved both sports but my brothers played hockey and so I chose hockey. I was a bit of a natural as soon as I started playing and stood out in that regard. After that I quickly fell in love with it and have loved it ever since.

WHO WERE SOME OF YOUR HOCKEY INSPIRATIONS GROWING UP? I was a big Vancouver Canucks fan growing up so players like Ryan Kesler and Alexandre Burrows were big inspirations. My dad also played hockey and I looked up to him as well. I would watch the World Junior Hockey Championship and so I

HOW DID YOU FIRST HEAR ABOUT TRINITY WESTERN UNIVERSITY (TWU)? WHAT WAS YOUR JOURNEY TO COMING HERE? I heard about it my whole life because my whole family, aunts, uncles, cousins, all went here; my grandfather was one of the first basketball coaches at the school. I also volunteered here one summer for an Athletes in Action youth hockey camp that some of the coaches were helping out with.

I started forming connections with the coaches during that camp. When I was playing junior hockey in the United States, I began looking at different schools I could play at. I was looking at UBC and TWU because I wanted to stay local. But TWU seemed like the ultimate fit. I talked to the coaches at TWU throughout my last year in junior, and ultimately I was able to come up for a school visit and that is when I really started to fall in love with the culture here.

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST HOCKEY-RELATED ACCOMPLISHMENT? This one is not related to ice hockey, but I played roller hockey and one year we won the North America championship, which made us the top team in North America for our age group. We had zero sponsors and funded our own way to the tournament, whereas every team we played against were sponsored by large companies such as Bauer and CCM. We were a good team: two guys from that team are currently in the NHL. Another accomplishment I experienced while playing junior hockey was when my junior team, the Everett Silvertips, managed to make it all the way to the Memorial Cup final, even though we ended up losing against the Swift Current Broncos.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU TO BE A SPARTAN? It comes with a sense of pride; it’s pretty cool how it’s a small university but also such an accomplished school, when looking at the soccer and volleyball championships. For such a small school to have a drastic impact compared to other schools, I am proud to say that I go there and I am also a Spartan. They are developing first class talent and first class leaders. I would say a deep sense of pride comes with that.

WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR GOALS AS A STUDENT AND ATHLETE THIS YEAR? It’s hard to set goals this year because we haven’t played any games. I spent a lot of time working the first semester which took me away from hockey. I felt convicted as work was hindering my ability to fully dive into what it means to be a Spartan. So for the second semester I decided to quit my job and fully dive into all aspects of being an athlete at TWU. I worked out everyday, I never missed practice, and I was early to all team events. So a goal I had as an athlete was to just put myself in the best position possible in order to be successful next year. Goals as a student I would say I want to increase my GPA, potentially apply for law school and write LSAT’s, and land a summer internship.

Overall I am just trying to invest into everything the school has to offer and put myself in the best position to succeed.

HOW HAS YOUR TEAM OVERCOME THE ADVERSITY THAT WAS INCREDIBLY PREVALENT THIS PAST YEAR? Our season got cancelled pretty early and from that point on, despite getting that news, our team was able to keep pushing. We are setting our eyes on next year and pushing each other as much as we can. It’s adversity for everyone but I think our team has done really well in overcoming that.

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FAILURE AS FERTILE GROUND BETHANY HAYNES Welcome to March, the first month with true signs of Spring, holding hope for sunshine and warm days outside. March in university brings with it not just sunny days, but looming deadlines along with an increased sense of panic and anxiety as assignments pile up. This spring carries with it the strain of restrictions, falling behind in assignments, weariness from the winter, stress around housing for the following school year, feeling like we don’t have enough time, fear of disappointing others, and a general sense of burnout and feeling overwhelmed.

I think that our generation has an incessant need to strive for greater success. By always striving to do more, we have misplaced our identity in the things we do. Our occupations and activities shape us and our world view. I don’t think this is our fault necessarily––how could it be? We were the generation that grew up getting participation rewards for showing up. The sad reality of this is that we were never taught a healthy view of failure. Instead, we live in a post industrial revolution, instant gratification, digital age that places us within a framework of fast production; measuring life based on goal posts, constantly striving and constantly working towards the “next big thing,” operating under a deep-seated need to be a success––because, well, what are we if we are not producers?

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We have held such a high standard of who we think we should be, and are at odds with who we are, unable to meet our own expectations. We have to come face to face with our own inability and the reality of failure. The thing is, we will always experience failure, criticism and inability. This is an inevitable aspect of life.

Dreams die, we don’t measure up to our own absurd standards, and we do not always get the positions we want. You can be as positive as you would like, but unlike the frequent consolation offered to friends fearing failure, it does not always get done and we will experience failure regularly throughout our lives.

Those who hold creative vocations have been taught to live with an expectancy of failure in their work and they learn to embrace it. Knowing that failures have the potential to bring forth new life, shaping something unpredictably good and new, a resurrection of the unimaginably good. In their book Starting Your Career As an Artist, Wojak and Miller say that “[w]ithout failure, there is no success. Failure gives you valuable information about what you need to do differently next time in order to succeed. Focus on the process that allows you to do your work. Be open to taking risks.’’

Instead of fearing failure, I think we should embrace it as the way towards growth. This is how we learn and how we teach others along the way.

Your inability to perform is not a reflection of you as a person. You are not your grades, you are not your summer job, volunteer position, social media persona, or student leadership role; you are someone who has been carefully crafted in the image of God and designed to take time to rest and enjoy the beauty of the life you have been given. You do not need to earn it, it is not something you are entitled to, and the comforting reality is that you are not able to be perfect. Our way of measuring success has made us lose sight of what should be most important in life and has taught us to measure who we are by what we do, but this is a warped perspective that only perpetuates our exhaustion as we strive to do more. The beauty of failure is that it forcibly removes the image we have created for ourselves. By accepting failure and giving up our longing for significance, recognition, or success we surrender ourselves over to the people God created us to be, able to more fully enjoy this gift of life, knowing that, as All that Is Made by Alabaster Co. says, “we can only really do what God has created us to do: spend time in his presence.”

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OPINIONS

“THE KING STAY THE KING”: WHY THE WIRE IS THE GREATEST SHOW OF ALL TIME LUKE RATTRAY

When it comes to discussing what the greatest TV show of all time is, people throw in their takes for Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, or The Sopranos. However, when it comes to truly what makes a great show, The Wire is the one that stands alone as the greatest TV show of all time.

The Wire is based on the view of the drug trade in Baltimore, Maryland from numerous perspectives as the show progresses. The Baltimore Police Department is a consistent force and the mainstay of the show, but it also places a heavy emphasis on the political, educational, and media perspectives that shows a full picture of what the drug trade is, how people first become involved in it, how they are affected by it, the approaches that are done to apprehend it.

By taking on so many perspectives, there are dozens of characters in The Wire that are authentically portrayed, which results in incredible acting dynamics. The sheer amount of depth that every actor manages to put in their performance is nothing short of incredible, and is very noticeable when watching. The story possesses hardly any plot holes. Despite a complex storyline that features a ton of subplots, The Wire is able to keep direction and bring all of those subplots to a conclusion that both satisfies viewers and also leaves them with a sense of mystery, wonder, and interpretation.

It can be argued that The Wire was ahead of its time in terms of discussing various social issues from the street-level all the way up the mayoral seat of a city. The issues remain prominent today, and The Wire was one of the first shows to look directly and unapologetically at racism, sexism, sex trafficking, addiction, police brutality, and many other issues that are still just as relevant today.

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What separates The Wire from any other TV show is that it gives an authentic and real voice to the voiceless. When watching the show, people will find that their favourite characters are the criminals, people with addictions, and the looked down upon individuals in our society. The Wire symbolizes the true epitome and raw connectivity of the human condition that sees individuals experience transcendent joy, but also complete despair. It tells a story that gives the viewer an opportunity to see into worlds that they may never encounter, and for that, The Wire is the greatest show of all time.

RANT CORNER: ARE YOU REALLY DRESSING WELL? TYLER JONES

The other day, my brother made fun of my shoes. These shoes, Yacht Club Vans to be precise, are quite dear to my heart. In the current age of “white shoes or bust,” a pair like these clown shoe lookalikes are often swept to the curb of irrelevancy. I usually take criticism quite well, but I struggled as I looked into my brother’s closet, which was full of boring colours. Forest green, grey, black, and white flooded the closet in which I took no interest.

Is this fashion?

I am no gatekeeper in fashion, nor am I an incredibly stylish person. Heck, you have probably seen my lanky figure slink around campus in baggy sweatpants, a ratty hoodie, and slides before. With that in mind, I have one common critique in the so-called “fashion game.”

Colour has been abandoned by PNW style and it is a major issue. Growing up in Vancouver’s Lower Mainland my entire life, I have been subject to witnessing dreary overcast skies, dark clouds bringing rain, and worst of all, monochromatic outfits. The world’s first in-colour movie came out in 1917, but you would assume that clothing would be a far more colourful array by 2021. Now, I am not disowning you for wearing a grey hoodie––I do it too. The point I am trying to make is to stray away from excessively boring coordinations of colour in your outfit. Instead of matching your hoodie to the cool, March sky, throw a purple coat on top of it to liven things up.

Now, I am not asking you to leave all of your grey, white, and black articles of clothing in the closet. Leave it to Braedon Sonnes to dress in extraordinary outfits without those aforementioned supplementary shades (never change, Braedon). I am urging all of you to try something different. If you believe in God, why would all of these colours be created if we did not adorn ourselves with their splendour?

Come on everyone, throw some pizazz into those ’fits. It will go a long way.

P.S. Shout out to Douglas Hall for the awesome hoodies. Simple, steezy, but most importantly, COLOURFUL.

I AM NOT READY FOR LIFE TO RETURN TO “NORMAL” SARA DRIEDIGER

We are nearly one year into a world where “pandemic,” “corona,” and “unprecedented’’are staples in our vocabulary. We have suffered through a year of darkness of biblical proportion. March marks one year of online learning. One year of closed borders. One year of crushed hopes, dreams, and expectations. But, I am not ready to go back to normal. While I may suffer from increased levels of anxiety when I have to answer text messages, or burnout from sitting on Zoom calls all day, or even hints of agoraphobia when I need to leave the house, I believe that the pandemic has afforded me a new perspective. Now hear me out here—COVID-19 was an unpleasant addition to this year, but it provided me a chance to look at life in a different way. A year of slowing down has made me more aware of the injustices in our world and my complicity in them.

First, we were worried about scarce resources like toilet paper. Then it was hand sanitizer. And all within a matter of weeks there was a collective awareness of the brokenness of our production and logistical systems.

I read stories from Amazon fulfilment workers, Walmart employees, and Uber drivers, and felt their fear. We heard the corporate world praise them as “heros” and subject them to risk, all in one breath. The smoke and mirrors were pulled away and we saw that a human sacrifice was necessary to retain our middle class comforts.

Next, we saw the news reports as they updated daily cases. We kept tabs on Italy, New York, Toronto, and the Diamond Princess Cruise Ship. All we could do was subject ourselves to the 24-hour news cycle in order to understand the hell that had been unleashed. We heard the pleas for regulations, and saw humanity waste away on ventilators. Doctors and nurses were traumatized in ways we will never understand. People with Disabilities, BIPOC, and low income people were hit the hardest, and some of us did not think twice about them. Disbelief and shock reverberated throughout the world as numbers climbed. Yet, despite the very real threat, we watched as many selfishly denied this very real virus. Ignorance and narcissism are a dangerous concoction.

Finally, we overcame the curve. After many months we were able to start living a life with a semblance of normalcy. But, during our time of lock down, we forgot that the system isolated those who needed us most. The system did not support our elders, our homeless, our new mothers, those addicted to drugs, our school children, people stuck in abusive homes, and so many more. The all powerful system was not powerful enough to save. The stories that have yet to come out of lockdown will reveal what we now know: There are glaring holes in our system that require change.

As we pass the one year anniversary of lockdown, know that when we are finally able to put this year behind us, we will be stepping into something new. Because if we focus on going back to “normal” we are lying down to the systems and structures that benefit few via the sacrifice of many. I do not want to go back to a normal where the vulnerable are left to fend for themselves. I do not want to go back to a world that will not kneel with Kaepernick. I do not want to go back to a normal where people with disabilities are not accommodated in the workplace. I do not want to go back to a normal that says that I am only human capital, destined to work 40 hours a week for the rest of my life. I do not want to go back to a normal where we are losing our Indigenous women at alarming rates. I do not want to go back to a normal where our trans community is persecuted. I do not want to go back to a normal where we are only worried about ourselves. I refuse to go back to that kind of normal.

Like the biblical flood, let this time of suffering wash away the evil that has oppressed so many for so long. There is a rainbow. It is a sign that this is anything but normal. I see it. Can you?

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SPORTS

BILL RUSSELL AND WILT CHAMBERLAIN: THE TWO SIDES OF THE BASKETBALL COIN LUKE RATTRAY

There is no doubt that Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain are two among the top ten greatest basketball players ever. They were both the poster children of their generation of the sport that saw tremendous talent come through. While most people believe that this generation was “weak” due to the lack of teams in this era, the competition, and also the lack of athleticism found at this point in the league, this is unfair. It can be mentioned that other all-time greats played and peaked in this era including but not limited to: Oscar Robertson, Jerry West, John Havlicek, Elgin Baylor, Bob Pettit, and Rick Barry. Needless to say, the NBA in its early stages was stacked with competition and the guys who rose above the rest played completely different styles of the game of basketball.

Chamberlain and Russell are among the immortals of NBA lore, and will be remembered by fans and former players, but for very different reasons. It was reported that Chamberlain was one of the most selfish players, and Russell was often regarded as the benchmark of a team-first player. Along with this is perhaps the most important criterion for basketball fans when they come together to discuss their favourite and greatest player: their reputations. Chamberlain simply did not have the same reputation that Russell had inside or outside of the league. This is best exemplified in the 1961/62 season that saw Chamberlain reach the unbreakable 50.4 PPG mark––only to come second in MVP voting that season, losing only to Bill Russell. That season also saw Chamberlain come within one game of an NBA Finals, only losing in Game 7 to, once again, Russell’s Celtics.

Call it a robbery, call it a tragedy, but what is interesting is that the NBA MVP back then was decided by player votes and, in other words, could be considered to be a popularity contest. Despite the fact that Chamberlain did win the award four times, Russell won the MVP award five times. Chamberlain achieved statistics that no other basketball player will ever be able to accomplish, and yet Russell, in that same year that Chamberlain averaged 50.4 PPG and 22.9 REB, averaged 18.9 PPG and 23.6 REB. Despite the staggering difference statistically, it can also be noted that Chamberlain was not liked at all across the league. He was a ball hog, wanted to be treated differently than his teammates, and clashed with pretty much all of his coaches.

Needless to say, it is understandable why Chamberlain might have lost out on a few of the popularity contests back in the day.

The biggest difference by far between Chamberlain and Russell was who they played for: Chamberlain played for himself, and Russell played for his teammates. They both played for the numbers game, except that Chamberlain played for statistics, and Russell played for championships. The stark contrast between these two ended up rewarding both with some of the most decorated and illustrious careers that basketball has seen. However, one does have to keep in mind that championships carry the most weight of anything in the league, and only one player shines above the rest. Both players have some ridiculous records that will truly never be beaten. Most of them are coming from Chamberlain’s side including his 50.4 PPG over an entire season, averaging 22.9 RPG over his entire career, and grabbing 55 rebounds in a single game. As for Russell, his unbreakable records include the most championships won at 11, averaging 29.5 RPG in the NBA Finals, and the most rebounds in a single NBA Finals game with 40. These numbers alone are purely mind boggling and, because of how the game and the league have progressed, it is quite likely that none of these records will be broken.

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One last thing that can be noted between the two is how they both performed in the clutch. While it can be summed up by the number of championships won—Chamberlain won two and Russell won 11—a couple of eye-opening moments demonstrate the difference. In elimination games, Chamberlain went 10-11 in these games, while Russell had enough ice in his veins to boast a 16-2 record in these games.

Even in their head-to-head games, Russell was far superior by securing an 84-58 record against Chamberlain throughout their careers.

This is considered to be one of the greatest rivalries between players not only in basketball, but in sport as a whole. It is truly fascinating to see how these two players were similar physically and played at nearly the exact same time, but went on to have such different careers.

Maybe Chuck Klosterman puts it best in Bill Russell’s The Book of Basketball when he states that “Is it reasonable for a man to average 50.4 points a game while finishing second in the MVP voting? It is not. But this is Wilt’s legacy (and it always will be).”

THE GREAT “ATE”: THE FASCINATING PERSONALITY OF ALEXANDER OVECHKIN LUKE RATTRAY

Now 35 years old, the time is approaching when fans will begin to see the decline of one of the greatest players of this generation: Alexander Ovechkin. If you love him or hate him, two things remain certain: he is an incredible hockey player, and he has one of the most interesting personalities the league has seen.

Described as boisterous, cocky, and grandiose by fans and pundits alike, Ovechkin has nothing short of a polarizing personality.

But for every comment about him, he is able to back it up with an amazing play on the ice. Hockey fans everywhere will remember when Ovechkin finally won the Stanley Cup and the tour that he went on with it afterwards. From celebrating and clubbing in Las Vegas, to throwing out first pitches, to swimming in a fountain in Washington, D.C., this campaign was well-documented and saw Ovechkin at the forefront of these festivities.

Alongside his party lifestyle, Ovechkin has developed a reputation throughout his time in the league for his diet. Before every home game, the Great Eight consumes an absurd meal from his favourite Italian restaurant: a massive dish of chicken parmesan with four kinds of sauces, numerous bread rolls, and vegetables. Former teammate Matt Niskanen also questioned Ovechkin’s hydrating routine, as Ovechkin quenches his thirst with anything but water.

Niskanen noted that one day at practice he went to take a drink of water from Ovechkin’s water bottle, but instead found himself drinking Coca Cola. From Ovechkin’s maximum carbo-loading to his extreme sweet tooth, he should be encouraged to keep up with it as it has somehow helped his skilled play for the past 15 years.

Ovechkin remains one of the best players that the game of hockey has seen, but also might take home the trophy for the “Most Interesting Character.” Yet, his impact on the game is unparalleled, and this has led to him being the role model for many of the league’s younger players. Let’s just his hope that his hydration and diet tendencies are not part of that inspiration.

COLUMN: TAKE OF THE ISSUE NETS WILL WIN THE EAST TYLER JONES

A couple of weeks ago, I fired off a text to a friend I often talk basketball with. The text held this one statement: there is no way the Brooklyn Nets win the Eastern Conference.

How did I not expect to regret this egregious take?

After watching the Nets throughout the weeks leading up to the all-star break and beyond, I have decided to take on the persona of the Brooklyn Nets truther. How is this team not favoured to win the Eastern Conference after all? Of course, the injury argument is somewhat relevant, but any Bucks bandwagoner or Ben Simmons worshipper needs to open their eyes. Love it or hate it, this is the most talented “big three” the NBA has ever seen. James Harden, Kyrie Irving, and Kevin Durant are able to get any shot they want at any time of the game. Every basketball fan knows that the competition in the East is comparable to SpongeBob’s very own “Weenie Hut Junior,” so who has what it takes to turn the East into the “Salty Spitoon?” At this moment, no one seems to have the firepower to match the scoring of the Brooklyn Nets.

The manner in which the Brooklyn Nets play basketball is somewhat odd, but it certainly works. After trading for the highly esteemed former MVP, James Harden, in January, the criticisms stemming from armchair GM’s and skeptics flowed like the Amazon River. Statements like “there’s only one ball” and “who takes

the final shot?” flooded the internet in the following week. With the Nets winning games––and big ones too––where have the internet trolls gone now? Sitting in a comfortable playoff spot in the East, the Nets show no sign of holding back as they only have more to learn about playing with each other.

Although I am very confident in the Nets, they do not have a well-rounded rotation whatsoever. After Kevin Durant, James Harden, and Kyrie Irving, the team consists of role players who severely lack defence. Other than injuries and the unpredictability of the COVID-19 pandemic relating to the Nets’ roster, defence is going to be a major concern for the Nets moving forward. Durant has lost a step since he tore his Achilles in the 2019 NBA finals, Irving is small, and Harden is notoriously known as the laziest defender in the league. Adding Blake Griffin–a former all-star–will not provide much on either side of the ball for the Nets’ on-court affairs. Regardless, this roster astounds the common, and dedicated NBA fan with the flashy array of scoring that is provided on a night-to-night basis. The freedom each of the Nets’ big three has to work with only begs for respect from the rest of the league.

Sit back and enjoy this marvel of basketball. We have never seen anything like this before.

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HUMOUR

QUE SERÁ, SERÁ EMMETT HANLY

Sometimes, life just ain’t gonna go your way. You are gonna find yourself in a pickle, or a jam, or worse yet, a pickle-jam. It happens to the best of us, often without reason.

things that my tender lil’ toesies would step on that rock at that particular second in history. As I came to this revelation, my mind wandered back to a saying I heard as a child: que será, será.

For example; I was enjoying the sunshine and running freely in the woods today until I stepped on a rock and twisted my ankle. Alas! At first, I cursed my luck, shaking a fist at the unforgiving sky in bitter contempt for the unfortunate circumstances that led up to this moment. I forsook my birth and the life I have lived with a deep admiration for nature, resulting in my love for frolicking, which led me into the forest this day.

Yet, I could think bigger: the formation of the Earth, a big ball of rocks breaking down and making a bunch of smaller rocks, resulting in the placement of that one particular stone that ended up in my path. Had none of those occurrences come to be, my ankle would not currently be turning a worrying shade of purple, much less even exist.

Whatever will be, will be. Someone even wrote a song about it, so there must be some inherent merit to the concept. I have no control over fate, so, why should I give a hoot about the world at large? All the rolled ankles in the world are merely going to happen as they do, and mine is but one in a long line of many to come. One day, the cosmos will implode on itself and you will still find me frolicking and spraining all the ankles I possibly can.

But you know what? I realized it was petty of me to think such aberrant thoughts. It was merely a cosmic coincidence in the grander scheme of

So, dear reader, if you ever find yourself writhing on the cold hard slightly damp ground in moderate agony because you were not watching where you were going, look up to the sky and smile through your salty, stinging tears. And as you cheerily limp home and get weird stares from random people, you can gaze off into the middle distance and hum to yourself, “que será, será.”

MONKEY VS. VIKING BRAEDON GROVER SUNNES

For a time in my life, I would have said that a Viking could beat a monkey. Now I used to say this under the lens of a gladiator-style fight to the death, but now I realize that to-the-death isn’t a fair gauge of skill, nor is it the most legendary. Rather, I would like to compare the two on a grander scale: a Tri-Primate-Alon. Vikings are beastly creatures: they fell massive trees, sail across oceans in XL canoes, and climb the great tree back to Valhalla. On the other hand, excelling at climbing, swinging, and banana eating, monkeys have solidified their place in every man’s brain for millennia.

quite the swimmers and novice rafters. Just look at the hit Dreamworks movie, Madagascar: how did King Julien get there? Odds are a raft. Vikings take this event with a 6/10 ratio in their favor. A close one.

For a fair fight, this Tri-Primate-Alon must have one event favouring either and one to break the tie. In the Vikings’ favor, it is obvious that their task would be to build a longboat and sail across the Norweigan Sea. The second task for the two must favor the monkeys: eat a banana and climb a tree. To find a tie breaker we have to look at what Vikings and monkeys have in common: they both have never ridden a bike.

Finally a 100 metre dash on tandem bikes. While Vikings are smart, they had yet to invent gears. Monkeys, however, are able to do those puzzles with the differently shaped holes and wooden blocks, an obvious stepping stone to tandem bike racing. Monkeys take this one with a 8/10 ratio.

While it may seem obvious that Vikings would take the W in building a long boat and sailing it, contrary to popular belief, monkeys are

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In the second event, while the monkeys will literally go bananas for bananas, a Viking would not even know how to open one. When the viking ultimately uses too much brute force to crack open the soft yellow rock, monkeys would have already climbed the tree: 9/10 to the monkeys.

Though it is true that Vikings boasted unimaginable feats, monkeys dominate the Tri-Primate-Alon with an average of 7/10. See you next time when monkeys face off against pirates.

NYSSA’S FIVE ESSENTIAL RULES FOR LIFE NYSSA MORGAN

My four years of university have me taught a thing or two about a thing or two. That means I’m perfectly qualified to share my five rules for life which have helped me succeed. I promise that if you stick to these rules, you will thrive like the mold on the inside of a dorm refrigerator.

1. Always carry a water bottle: Hydration is key for everything. Feeling a tad thirsty? Water. Want clear skin? Water.

Need to rehydrate after crying for hours? Water. Keep it on hand at all times, so much so that it becomes a personality trait. You’ll know you are adhering to this rule perfectly when your water bottle is a comfort object and you have to discuss how you’re more attached to it than any of your family members, with your therapist.

2. Only decorate for Christmas after December 1: This rule actually originated for me many years prior to my university days but it has definitely been solidified here. Thirty-one days of listening to “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is more than enough so there’s no reason to be obnoxious for longer than necessary.

3. Never go to sleep before midnight: Read “Daytime Living is for Losers” in Issue #9 for 400 articulate and passionately written words on why this is a rule that will seriously change your life.

4. When in doubt, eat fried rice: There are few things one can rely on in life but fried rice never fails. Not only is it acceptable to eat fried rice for every meal, I emphatically encourage it. You’ll know when you excel at this rule if you make enough fried rice to feed a small village and then consume only that for 12 to 15 business days.

5. Never be ashamed of your music taste: The artists you love don’t work their butts off to make songs just so that you can pretend not to have heard them in front of your friends for fear they will laugh at you. Be loud. Be proud.

Share your passion for music with the world. Unless it’s country music. Then you can just keep that to yourself.

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