Volume 26 Issue 11: Sunday by Mars Hill Newspaper

Mars Hill

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The Privilege of Accessibility PG. 13

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ISSUE 11

VOLUME 26

PG .9 Hillsong Exp ose d

MAKENA WARDLE Editor-in-Chief

CARTER SAWATZKY Managing Editor

RACHEL WEGNER Visual Editor

GILLIAN SCOTT Copy Editor

Dear Reader,

MARITHA LOUW News Editor

KYLE PENNER Opinions Editor

SOPHIE HOLLAND Arts & Culture Editor

SCOTT BOWERS Sports Editor

I have mixed emotions as I write my last letter to you as Editor-in-Chief of Mars’ Hill Newspaper. I am both sad to leave behind an experience that has been the highlight of my University life, but also excited for what is ahead for me after I graduate this spring.

flects on the immediately legendary happenings of Sunday, March 27, 2022. And in our feature article, “The Sanctity of Sunday,” I looked at the importance of embracing a variety of Christian experiences within our TWU community and beyond.

This idea was part of the inspiration behind this issue’s theme, “Sunday.” Serving as both an end and a beginning, Sunday is the day of the week where we can pause and reflect on what is behind us, but also refresh ourselves for the days that are in front of us. It is a time to express spirituality and gather with loved ones, and is held as a symbol for rest, worship, and holiness.

As we all end off a school year together that was full of so much hardship, but also so much beauty and growth, we hope this issue inspires you to reflect on all that we have been through as a community together, and look with hope towards all that is to come.

In this issue, our team and contributors used this theme as inspiration for the ideas they chose to explore. Maritha Louw talks with TWU student Marko Zolotarov about his ongoing experiences with the war in Ukraine in “We Are Proud of Being Ukrainian.” In “The 2022 Oscars Were Weird” David Witzke reBRAEDON GROVER SUNNES Humour Editor

LEX DIERSCH Staff Writer

DIEGO BASCUR Staff Writer

ZACHARY SIMONYI-GINDELE Illustrator

MARS’ HILL

CATE TSO Layout Editor

MACKENNA WILSON Photographer & Social Media Manager

Mars’ Hill is a student publication of Trinity Western University located on the traditional ancestral territory of the Stó:lō people. Floated with funds raised by the Student Association, Mars’ Hill seeks to be a professional and relevant student publication, reflecting and challenging the TWU community, while intentionally addressing local, national, and international issues.

MISSION TO MARS

JARED KLASSEN Web Editor

The mission of Mars’ Hill, as the official student newspaper of Trinity Western University, is to inform and entertain its readers, cultivate awareness of issues concerning the TWU community, and provide a forum for purposeful, constructive discussion among its members in accordance with the Community Covenant, Statement of Faith, and Core Values of the University.

MEDIA ADVISOR: Loranne Brown

I encourage you to take advantage of the beautiful variety of perspectives that are held within our community, and thank you for reading along with us this year. Cheers,

EDITORIAL POLICY

Mars’ Hill encourages submissions and Letters to the Editor. Mars’ Hill reserves the right to edit submissions for style, brevity, and compatibility with the Mission, the Statement of Faith, the Student Handbook, and the Core Values of the University. Anonymous authorship of any material may be granted at the discretion of the Editor-in-Chief. Opinions expressed in Mars’ Hill belong to the individual authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the editorial board, Trinity Western University, its officials or its Student Association.

CONTRIBUTORS

David Witzke Marko Zolotarov Grace Giesbrecht Syd Dvorak Taryne Lepp Laurel Pope Sadie McDonald

Jakob Krause Bradley Thompson Luke Rattray Josh Halladay Lorin Scaiano Annie Zander Amaris Henry Bailey Froese

DECLASSIFIEDS SUBMIT YOUR OWN AT MARSHILLNEWSPAPER.COM/DECLASSIFIEDS

The worst thing about the mask mandates being lifted is I have to tweeze my moustache now :( this bell tower needs to shut up. its taking forever to stop only oldies say northwest. if you wanna be young and hip, say DEVRIES I’m not waiting on sex, sex is waiting on me If you feel lonely make yourself warm, wrap yourself in a fuzzy blanket, put a knitted zip up sweater on, drink something warm or take a hot shower. There is a reason why people describe loneliness as a chilly feeling. If you feel warm, it will get better trust me who’s driving the Tesla on campus? cuz D--- UR RICH AF :P Can anyone actually tell the difference between violet and scout? Iykyk lol imagine mars’ hill getting in trouble for quality investigative journalism i dont like seeing fit people... it’s very disturbing That’s not even chicken, that’s just a piece of wood If a man feels like it’s his wife’s duty to give him a neck rub, would that be considered massagonistic?

witches are witches no matter how small

josh driediger’s shoe game sucks

I sometimes wish that TWU students were more willing to speak up when they experience unethical behaviours at TWU (regardless if the ones standing up will be affected or not). Some don’t realize that unethical situations happen far more than we think or imagine. The more that we unite, the more we can positively impact our community.

someone please explain toner to josh driediger…

I was assaulted by a guy who lives on campus and was made to believe it was my fault. Sadly, this is the story of many people who are victims. I’m here telling you this wasn’t your fault and please tell someone. You deserve to be heard and cared for. To the alumni that lost a $5k commission for handing something in late, so you’re telling me that uptight late policies at TWU didn’t help you stay on time? That’s my point, be it from a different angle When are the humanities majors gonna get to vote for a TWUSA faculty rep? We’re overlooked enough as it is. To the individual wondering what I was doing in the TWUSA lounge at 12:30am, I was doing homework and was there for several more hours. It’s a great place to listen to music and get stuff done. Next time you see me stop and say hi, or join me and crush that assignment! -Andrew B

i would like to redact all of the josh driediger submissions; our feud has been resolved TWU confessions, the meme page, and the other anonymous outlets that caused bullying have been complete dumpster fires and I think they should be taken down. The features this year were spicier than ever!! Thank you to all who wrote and participated in them for saying what Trinity NEEDS to hear. Have you ever been in a creative writing class where the prof interprets the story completely wrong in the workshop? Because I have, and it’s awkward. “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” Okay then: love the believer, hate the belief. Sorry, I should’ve mentioned in my declassified about the rude people who told us to shut up that we DID apologize to them. Did anyone else see Mark Husbands at Bright Star on opening night?

How do I tell my academic advisor I don’t want to go to grad school? I want to get famous so i can go on talk shows and tell the world how shitty my college roommate was missing the days where half of trin had adventure Instagrams that consisted of visiting the same three places and tagging “British Columbia” The mayor from bright star made me feel things I’ve never felt before. If you’re single and want someone to worship the ground you walk on I will happily oblige. I respect Mark Husbands but anyone else miss Bob Kuhn…? Should we start a petition to keep declassifieds?? The student body needs to take a stand against changes like this I heard that nicki minaj is mc’ing twusa grad If we’re the body of Christ, who’s the appendix? There are so many other twu faculty with stories similar to dr jule’s… :/ What happened to academic freedom? Christian diversity?? All things good in the world???

Regardless, Bright Star was an INCREDIBLE performance. Congratulations to the cast and crew. You did a wonderful job, everyone!

To the girl handing out flowers in the atrium, that was so nice :)

men who do crosswords in their free time

For future reference: Mars’ Hill accepts/declines submissions based on the quality of the writing, not based on whether or not they agree with your political views. Keep that in mind before you make assumptions.

When your prof follows up “your generation is a bit lazy” with “I believe in you, I know you can do it!” I’m sorry, what kind of convoluted oxymoronic so called encouragement is that?!

I know that because it’s in my memories

google your name and furry you’re welcome

It’s different because it’s not the same

To whoever runs that offensive meme page: your memes are the lowest quality of meme.

Unburden Plant your feet Close your eyes Take a deep breath Yell, scream, shout Let the wind take your worries, fears, frustrations away Open your eyes Now you’ve unburdened

Did you know that 100% of those who crossed the Red Sea with Moses were people of colour?

In the fall, Dr. Husbands went on a “Listening Tour”. Were you invited? Tired of the performative actions of TWU Administration. Your words do not match your actions. Do better. Truly listen and lean towards open communication.

gonna start using the declassified like twitter. what’re you gonna do, stop me?

Dr. Jule got the wildest applause and cheers at the Dean’s List celebration ceremony.

give every book a tramp stamp !!! We need bidets for our toilets! Using just toilet paper is gross! I don’t wanna smudge chocolate across my peach…

Fraser DILFs have nothing on John Proctor from The Crucible.

A 2021 Trevor Project Survey found that 20% of those who crossed the red sea were LGBTQ+ petition for there to be a live stream of the atrium so we can see if there’s seats available before we go theater > egg

BRUH I ALMOST DROVE OVER 2 GEESES IN THE PARKING LOT

CHEM 222 lab got to make their own ice cream. Where was my ice cream when I suffered through this last year? HELLO EVERYONE MUST UNPLUG AND TRASH THEIR GOOGLE HOME OR ELSE SOMEONE WILL CONNECT AT 2AM AND PLAY FUNKY MUSIC AND YOU THINK YOUR ROOM IS EVIL SPIRITED BECAUSE YOU NEVER TURNED ON THE MUSIC I’m glad Mars’ Hill has a humour section because sometimes Trinity culture is just asking to be made fun of Is it just me, or is anyone else disappointed that the literal TORCH in the middle of the roundabout doesn’t light up at night? 1 Corinthians 12:12 - 27. Yes TWU, we are allllll a part of the body of Christ. Even affirming Christians, queer Christians, the theatre department, and everyone else you have looked at and said otherwise. We need a building named Jordan Burgess Centre. He has done so much for TWU and continues to help! A response to Foaming At The Mouth by Lorin Scaiano: That was the most neurodivergent article I’ve ever read. Also, have you considered cutting up a tiled floor or a brick wall and eating it like a birthday cake? I feel this is another neglected culinary niche. since it is no longer RELS will it be BTS? egg

top quote of the century: “i don’t think trinity prepared me for war” My hands are cold, hee hee hee If any of you are rude to the bookstore caf staff I will personally fight you Friendly reminder to the admin that Jesus talked more about money in the Bible than he did about homosexuality... something to think about

Mars’ Hill editors reserve the right to edit or reject submissions based on content and/or length. A printed submission does not necessarily reflect an endorsement of any kind, nor does it necessarily reflect the opinions of Mars’ Hill staff, the student association, or that of the University.

DAVID WITZKE

CONTRIBUTOR OF THE ISSUE What is your major? Media and Communications Where are you from? Langley, B.C. What is something you’re passionate about and want to share with the world? I am absolutely obsessed with getting good bread. So many people just stick with pre-sliced white bread. Live a little! Try whole grain, get a sourdough, grab a baguette, or even better, make your own. It’s surprisingly easy to make bread and a highly enjoyable experience. Nothing will ever compete with homemade or local bread. Why do you write for Mars’ Hill? I write for Mars’ Hill because I love to express new ideas. Each time I open up a Mars’ Hill issue I feel like I get a glimpse at somebody else’s perspective on life. I love sharing that with people, and I love the idea that people might actually be reading my writing!

What is your favourite article you’ve written for Mars’ Hill and why is it important? I wrote a humour article from the perspective of a commuter called “The Commuter’s Travel Guide to the Wastelands Beyond the Collegiums,” and I love it because there’s seldom funny articles about the commuter experience. Commuters make up a majority of Trinity students, but so many things are still centred around residents! It was an awesome feeling to be able to express my school experience in that way. Who is your favourite (fictional) character and why? Hawkeye from the Marvel franchise. I love how he doesn’t have any superpowers––he’s just really good at archery. In most cases it makes no sense that he would use a bow over a gun, but that’s what makes him so cool. What is your favourite article of clothing? I have this green jacket that has a ton of pockets. It’s like the modern equivalent of a cloak, but since I don’t have the cool factor to pull off a cloak, I’ll stick with the green jacket.

HELLO, IT’S ME, THE COVID LADY—STILL HERE TARYNE LEPP, TWU PUBLIC HEALTH LEAD For our “Sunday” issue, we interviewed Taryne Lepp, TWU’s Public Health Lead, to commemorate the end of the school year and how far we have come in regards to the pandemic. Mars’ Hill: As mask mandates are lifted and COVID-19 becomes more endemic than pandemic, what is your advice on mask-related decisions? Taryne Lepp: First, with COVID-19 spreading worldwide, we are still in a pandemic. While we hear more of a shift to endemic conditions—increased spread within a region—we’re not quite there yet. Facing future virus waves, masks will still be part of how we prevent getting or sharing COVID-19. Masks add the most value when used in communities with higher transmission of COVID-19 AND when: 1) Worn indoors, especially in crowded places with less ability to spread out from others. Mask-wearing outdoors, in the most dilute air, is not considered a high value-added use. 2) The mask fits the wearer properly, covering the mouth and nose, comfortable enough that it will actually be worn as such… not hung off an ear or under a chin! MH: So, how do you decide where indoors you need to or should be wearing a mask? TL: Right now, we can figure this out with lower community spread in B.C., thus more margin for safer trial and error. Since March 11, I have both worn and not worn my mask inside stores, lobbies and elsewhere for different reasons. It still feels weird not to, wrestling with how masking can make others more comfortable, and I’m self-conscious––I know there are people watching what I do because of my job. I also have a two-year-old daughter, one-monthold nephew, and immunocompromised family members who I consider every time we face these changes. I’m giving myself time and room to figure this out and so should you! MH: How do you see the pandemic playing out in the summer and in the next year?

TL: COVID is still here, but five waves over two years has revealed trends. The last surge, caused by Omicron, occurred in a well-vaccinated population, producing more cases, hospitalizations and deaths; however rates of severe outcomes were generally lower, and duration was shorter (eight weeks vs. three-to-five months in prior waves). We expect more waves of the virus, but being cautiously optimistic, they should be shorter and have a lower magnitude overall; less disruptive interruptions is a trend hoped for in Year Three.

Spring/Summer 2022: expect a surge of some kind (we’ve averaged one every four-to-five months so far, so it is reasonable to expect one between April and September); but, with outdoor living, warmer months offer more options to manage risks relatively more comfortably, consistently, and safely. Fall/Winter 2022: respiratory season (November–March) is the most likely time for a disruptive COVID wave. We are inside more, have fuller schedules, and celebrate several holidays, which means more transmission, making it harder to contain. While many core public health measures like staying home when sick and ventilation stay consistent, it is reasonable to expect provincial and federal public health may add back masks and/or other layers of protection at some point, but likely to a lesser degree than this past year. MH: What was the most challenging part in navigating the communications of quickly shifting public health policies and restrictions? TL: Keeping up! Every announcement—even when I expected it—requires confirming accurate details and coordinating people to review and identify gaps, all while trying to move fast. I’d spend a week or more on communications, updating the website, answering questions and concerns, and losing the war with my inbox. I’d catch up, only to rinse and repeat. With more people, services and activities back in-person at TWU, there was greater impact with every announcement… and more communicating in Year Two! MH: This year of the pandemic was entirely different from the 2020/21 year with its own set of challenges. What have you learned from this last year of navigating COVID-19? TL: We were sophomores this year. Not newbies, not yet experts, more confident in some areas, still facing some firsts; second years include progress that doesn’t carry us to the finish line, which is naturally frustrating. While Year One was about navigating new pandemic life, apart, Year Two was about navigating sustained pandemic life together. Our community’s experiences have not been uniform; COVID doesn’t see us the same, and this has not always helped us see the future, or each other, fully. For example, this year the peers’ struggles were not filtered through a screen or hidden by infrequent connections; we saw up close the effects of sustained uncertainty, of collective losses, and that was difficult to manage. The Wellness Centre’s counselling waitlist doubled previous norms, and clinicians saw more profound mental health symptoms than ever before.

Navigating compounding pain isn’t necessarily easier in-person, but it can be more visible, and add more complexity to how we function as a community, simultaneously bearing and witnessing these struggles. I spent much of Year Two listening to disparate, sometimes opposing stories, reflecting genuine difference in lived experience and perspective. That breadth of input can be overwhelming, but it can fuel progress, creativity, and even collaboration. We learned from every story and as restrictions shifted, saw the impact of variables not in my––or TWU’s––control on our community. We had wanted the resumption of in-person life to be easier, and while many will say as they entered classrooms, the Caf, and socialized together that it was, I think this year I learned more about dwelling with the complicated than anything else. MH: Do you think TWU students are better equipped to deal with restrictions after two years of the pandemic, or are they fatigued? TL: I think TWU students are both better equipped and incredibly fatigued; time and experience are excellent yet exhausting teachers. Pragmatically speaking, students have learned to adjust, manage expectations, and practice doing that with others. A more insightful indicator is in the different questions I get now from students compared to a year ago. Less, “Can I do X?” and more, “how do I do this thing the best, the safest, or what am I missing when it comes to keeping so-and-so safe, or my event accessible to more people?” I hear from students with serious concerns about public health restrictions—as expected, some think there’s too many, others too few—but all refer to some cross-section of their peers. My student correspondence reflects a collective growing self-confidence in approaching pandemic life, varied in experience, and aware that the way ahead involves others. I’ve seen a breadth of creativity and tenacity within the TWU student body. To strive toward flourishing takes effort and skill. It’s hard. It’s often messy. The process builds skills in all conditions and leaves each of us utterly spent. When I look at the TWU student body, I see young adults desperately needing rest yet seeking to thrive and move forward. And that’s good. Got questions? Email Taryne at returntocampus@ twu.ca.

THE SOCIALISTS HAVE NOT TAKEN OVER: UNDERSTANDING COALITIONS VS. CONFIDENCE AGREEMENTS GRACE GIESBRECHT

Pierre Poilievre, Conservative Party MP and candidate for the party’s leadership, tweeted that the Liberal Party and the NDP’s new support and confidence agreement announced on March 22nd, 2022, was a “socialist coalition power pact” arranged to keep the Liberal Party in power until 2025. The leadership of the Liberals and the NDP have reached an agreement in which the NDP would support the Liberal government until 2025. In exchange, the NDP will see commitment from and action on a number of their policy priorities from the Liberals— namely, federal dental and pharmacare programs. Though it appears drastic, this agreement does not change the nature of the Canadian government and is not likely to make a massive difference in the already clear cooperation between the NDP and Liberal parties.

“If anything, the agreement provides a slightly more streamlined process for cooperation and maintaining the confidence of the House.” The confidence and support agreement promises the Liberal government NDP support for the next four years on confidence votes. These votes are mostly on money matters, though they can be called by the government on anything it determines deserving of the title. All budget votes, for example, are confidence votes. In a parliamentary system like Canada’s, the government must maintain the confidence of the House of Commons, or a majority of support from the representatives of the people, thus remaining responsible to them. This is called responsible government, and it is a cornerstone of Canadian politics. This agreement does not form a coalition government. Coalitions are crafted with a melded Cabinet, in which ministers are selected from more than one party to form a government, which this agreement does not create. Though it involves progress on NDP priorities in exchange for political support, it does not change the nature of the current minority government. It also changes relatively little about how the current government operates. The NDP have supported the Liberal budgets in the past and were likely to support budgets in the future— now, instead of bartering budget by budget, their support has been promised in advance. The Liberals, in exchange, have already been pulled leftwards to maintain NDP support. For example, promises of universal childcare—a longtime NDP policy priority—were made long before this agreement. Finally, this is not a legally binding agreement. It is a political convention and, should it be broken by either party, is not punishable in the realm of law but in that of politics. A similar agreement was struck between the B.C. NDP and the B.C. Greens in 2017. That agreement, which centred on Green support for the NDP in exchange for four years without an election, was broken when the B.C. NDP called an election in 2020 in order to capitalize on political popularity gained through the pandemic. The voters provided Horgan’s NDP with the majority government it desired and did not see fit to punish—which is determined by voters and their representatives—the B.C. NDP for a broken pact. This supply and confidence agreement formalizes support and a quid pro quo that already existed between the NDP and Liberal parties. If anything, the agreement provides a slightly more streamlined process for cooperation and maintaining the confidence of the House. It is not an immutable power grab, and it is not a coalition. Furthermore, it is an agreement that is only punishable in the political realm and, as such, can be broken whenever it is determined politically favourable for either party.

VIP

MADELEINE ALBRIGHT MARITHA LOUW

Madeleine Albright, the first female Secretary of State of the United States, passed away on March 23, 2022. To the public, Albright was seen as the perfect foreign policy leader after decades of Cold War tensions. Her speeches and attention to American public opinion made her one of the most well-respected Secretaries to ever hold the office. Prior to her appointment, Albright was well-known for her brilliant analytical skills and assets as a councillor on national security in the White House. In 1939, her family fled to London during the Nazi invasion, before returning to Czechoslovakia only to leave again in 1949, this time as refugees from Communist oppression. Albright became a U.S. citizen in 1957 at 20 years old. Her family background and extensive education, including her fluency in five languages, led her to become a top American diplomat before she took office as Secretary of State. President Bill Clinton named Albright as America’s chief delegate to the United Nations in 1993, and over the next four years she became a tough advocate for U.S. interests in global affairs. Notably, she supported Clinton’s decision not to send American troops as a UN peacekeeping mission when Rwanda descended into genocide in 1994. Writing in her 2003 memoir, Albright wrote: “My deepest regret from my years in public service is the failure of the United States and the international community to act sooner to halt these crimes.” In 1997, Albright was unanimously confirmed as Secretary of State by the Senate, becoming the highest-ranking woman in the history of the U.S. government at the time. Making her first official statement at Rice University, Texas, she promised: “As secretary, I will do my best to talk about foreign policy not in abstract terms, but in human terms and bipartisan terms. I consider this vital because, in our democracy, we cannot pursue policies abroad that are not understood and supported here at home.” Albright was heavily involved in the decision made by the U.S. and United Kingdom to bomb Iraqi military targets and research installations in December 1998. Famously, Albright once argued with General Colin Powell for this use of military force by asking, “What’s the point of you saving this superb military for, Colin, if we can’t use it?” In Europe, Albright championed the NATO bombings in Kosovo in 1999 that played a significant role in ending the Yugoslavian War. She is also remembered for advocating for the expansion of NATO into the former Soviet bloc countries of Eastern Europe. Albright was fluent in French, Czech, Russian, and Polish, allowing her to directly com-

municate with these countries in a way that no American administration had been able to before. Her family’s history of persecution and oppression under the Soviet regime encouraged her strong opinions about NATO expansionism. In an interview with NPR in 2018, Albright referred to the 1938 Munich Agreement as the “baggage” she carried in her job: “[It was] an agreement made to give away a piece of Czechoslovakia to Hitler—in other words, to appease aggression. And that was kind of a signal moment in the history of Czechoslovakia and something that my parents talked about a lot, that if you don’t stand up to an aggressor, that, in fact, the aggressor will only take more.”

“That was kind of a signal moment in the history of Czechoslovakia and something that my parents talked about a lot, that if you don’t stand up to an aggressor, that, in fact, the aggressor will only take more.” A month prior to her death, Albright wrote an Opinions piece for the New York Times, entitled “Putin is Making a Historic Mistake.” Reflecting on her initial meeting with Putin in 2000, she wrote in her journal that “Putin is embarrassed by what happened to his country and determined to restore its greatness.” She went on to warn readers of the extent to which Putin’s obsession with recapturing Ukraine is connected to his sense of his own well-being, and that it is unlikely that his war will lead to the outcome he hopes for. In a tone reminiscent of her opinions regarding Nazi aggression and Soviet-era communism, she wrote: “Ukraine is entitled to its sovereignty, no matter who its neighbors happen to be. In the modern era, great countries accept that, and so must Mr. Putin. That is the message undergirding recent Western diplomacy. It defines the difference between a world governed by the rule of law and one answerable to no rules at all.”

FEMINIST NEWS WHAT WILL IT TAKE? THE GENDER PAY GAP IN 2022 SYD DVORAK

March was International Women’s Month. To kick it off, many brands and companies took to social media to post about women empowerment, especially on March 8, International Women’s Day. Unfortunately, few of these companies are doing their part when it comes to closing the gender pay gap. In response to this kind of performative activism, the Gender Pay Gap Bot (@PayGapApp) quote-tweeted many of these posts touting women’s empowerment and exposed the companies’ gender pay gap data. The gender pay gap is a measure of what women are paid relative to men, and it is more often the case that women are paid less than men. As their Twitter bio says, “Employers, if you tweet about International Women’s Day, I’ll retweet your gender pay gap.” The bot tweeted hundreds of times on March 8. Some of the most shocking figures they divulged are from Missguided, a fashion brand, and Young’s Pubs, a London pub chain. At Missguided, women make on average 40 percent less than men. At Young’s Pubs, women make on average a shocking 73.2 percent less than men.

“By talking about it, we can begin to put pressure on employers to start changing their hiring practices, and paying everyone more.” The Twitter bot went viral after targeting mainly U.K. companies, publishing salary data from the U.K. government’s website. Since 2017, the U.K. requires every company in the country that has more than 250 employees to report any differences in pay between their men and women employees. The Gender Pay Gap Bot tweeted the pay gap data of banks, political parties, universities, charities, clothing brands, and more. At the time this article was written, the bot had impressively garnered over 256,000 followers. The bot was created by copywriter Francesca Lawson and software developer Ali Fensome in 2021 with the goal of calling people to action. “If we’re not confronting that data and acting on it, then the problems are just going to persist forever,” Lawson told VICE. “We created the bot to make sure that this data isn’t just forgotten about—it’s in the spotlight. By talking about it, we can begin to put pressure on employers to start changing their hiring practices, and paying everyone more.” There has been a debate in recent years about whether or not the gender pay gap still exists. In 2021, The Guardian revealed that the gender pay gap is actually widening. On average, across all sectors, women are paid an hourly rate of 10.2 percent less than men. The gender pay gap disproportionately affects women of colour, Indigenous women, and women with disabilities. In Canada, women make 89 cents for every dollar a man makes in parttime positions. In full-time positions, this increases by one cent. Racialized women are paid 59.3 percent of what white men make. According to Statistics Canada, women outnumber men pursuing higher education, but women who graduate with bachelor’s degrees earn $69,063 annually while men earn $97,761. Out of 156 countries on the 2021 World Economic Forum’s list, Canada ranks number 40 when it comes to the gender pay gap. Meanwhile, the northern European countries Iceland, Finland, and Norway are in the top three places, closest to closing the gap. The pay gap in Canada has only shrunk by 1.04 dollars since 1998. The World Economic Forum has calculated that it will take 267.6 years to close the gender pay gap. What will it take? On March 15, Canada Women’s Foundation suggested three steps to help close the pay gap: • ongoing audits of compensation and gendered advancement opportunities • prioritization of workplace flexibility, especially for mothers and caregivers • and implementation of pay transparency policies

“WE ARE PROUD OF BEING UKRAINIAN”: AN INTERVIEW WITH MARKO ZOLOTAROV MARITHA LOUW

I’ve written about the war in Ukraine in Mars’ Hill quite a bit this year. To learn more from those most impacted, I decided to interview Marko Zolotarov, a Ukrainian and first-year student, for a better understanding. Mars’ Hill: Have you noticed a lot of Russian misinformation making its way into Ukraine and Western news outlets? What do you think consumers on this side of the Atlantic should be wary of when reading the news? Marko Zolotarov: Our government has been communicating transparently and efficiently with the Ukrainian people, so it is easy for us to distinguish between true and false information. However, the Western world needs to be really careful about the information they are consuming about the conflict. I advise you to continue watching the news, but also to compare that information to Ukrainian sources. For that, I would suggest finding and following Ukrainians on social media who share updates about the war like me (@markizolot on Instagram), and Ukrainian President Zelenskiy on Instagram. MH: Have you noticed any differences or similarities in the ways in which different generations of Ukrainians have reacted to Russia’s war? MZ: All Ukrainians became one since the beginning of the war. Ten million people had to leave their homes because of the Russian army invading cities, killing people, and destroying their homes. Everyone reacted the same way to the Russian army––stop attacking and get back to Russia!!! MH: How has Zelenskiy’s leadership been received by Ukrainians? MZ: Zelenskiy has been a true leader of our country. As a Ukrainian, I am proud of my president. To see him stay in Ukraine and continue to lead our nation in this critical moment of history is unexplainably powerful and moving to me. MH: What do you think the West and NATO are not doing right? Do you think they made mistakes in their responses to the Russian buildup prior to the war? MZ: Not implementing the no-fly-zone is NATO’s biggest mistake, and I will always say that. I believe that Putin’s bluff paralized NATO. NATO should have closed the fly-zone a long time ago, because people are dying. Ukrainians are crying out to NATO to have decent humanity and save a friend––if you

can even call them that. It is frustrating that this has not happened yet. As our president has said that NATO clearly showed that Ukraine will not join NATO in the close future (if ever). And the reader may say that, “Well, if NATO closes the fly-zone, then World War Three is going to happen.” What would you say or how would you act if you were in those circumstances? I believe that you would be calling NATO to the same action as all of Ukraine is. What would you say or how would you act if you were in these circumstances? I believe and know that you would be calling NATO to the same action as Ukraine is. MH: What was the reaction when the war officially started? MZ: Fear. Panic. Confusion. Rejection. Shock. I questioned myself along with many other Ukrainians, “Is it for real? How can that be happening? In the 21st century??” Then, I packed my suitcases in about an hour and was ready to go anytime as well as my family. My parents are ministers, counselors, humanitarian workers, and project coordinators. They were on their phones all the time during the day, and people were requesting their advice, asking, “What should we do? Should we leave home? Should we stay? What should I take with me?” Despite this incredible stress, my parents have been a role model for me on how to serve other people regardless of the circumstances. God has called them for such a time as this. God was, is, and will be continuing to give them mental, spiritual, and physical strength to go and help people. If you are interested in supporting my parents’ humanitarian work during the war in Ukraine, please reach out to me or go to https://abundant.co/multinationmissionsf/ andriylyudmila. MH: Ukraine has been at the center of world conflicts for over a century. Ukrainians have fled their country from famine, persecution, and oppression. What makes the current diaspora different? MZ: It is a loaded question. Every Ukrainian of my generation has a strong sense of national identity––Ukrainian. We are proud of being Ukrainian. We are in this conflict together, so regardless of where we are around the world, Ukrainians are supporting and will be supporting our people in every possible way. We are one now and will defeat this evil. During this war, it has been evident that God is on our side. We will win the war.

FEMME-CENTRIC SHOW THE WILDS ADDS MALE PROTAGONISTS FOR SEASON TWO, AND FANS ARE INFURIATED SOPHIE HOLLAND

Warning: This article contains spoilers for The Wilds season one. If there is any show that tackles the complications of being a teenage girl through a feminist lens, it is Amazon Prime’s The Wilds. The first season of The Wilds was released on Prime in the fall of 2020, leaving fans amazed by the blatant sapphic themes and sexual tension, but also by the intersectional feminist messages and storytelling ability. Regardless, the show aims to tell a story that anybody can enjoy, but with an audience consisting primarily of teenage girls, and a predominantly female cast in its first season, The Wilds has evolved into an extremely femme-centric show.

“Young women want to see these eight girls come together, regardless of their history, and develop friendships while they face the natural elements.” The show centres around the self-proclaimed “Unsinkable Eight,” a group of eight very different young women in their teens: Leah (Sarah Pidgeon), Fatin (Sophia Ali), Dot (Shannon Berry), Shelby (Mia Healey), Toni (Erena James), Martha (Jenna Clause), Rachel (Reign Edwards), and Nora (Helena Howard). Each of the girls, for their own reasons connected to their respective backgrounds, is sent on what appears to be an all-female retreat to Hawaii, known as “The Dawn of Eve,” with the idea that each young lady will “grow into herself.” Unfortunately, this is not the case. In the same fashion as Lost, Cast Away, and Yellowjackets, the young women experience the nightmarish reality of a plane crash, wind up stranded on a remote island in the South Pacific, and must join forces in order to survive (a woman-versus-nature scenario). However, what the girls do not know is that their miserable situation is actually an elaborate social experiment, spearheaded by sociologist Gretchen Klein (played by Rachel Griffiths). Gretchen is a powerhouse feminist with a troubled past, and has designed an investigation in which the girls are observed by hidden cameras on the island while they struggle to survive, occasionally given a bag of survival items (which “mysteriously” wash up on shore) or other interventions. Gretchen is not alone in her endeavours; in addition to her research assistants and minions, she has two, fully briefed accomplices disguised as participants in the retreat. One of them, Lihn (Chi Nguyen), dies from an injury within the first episode, but the other is, in fact, Nora (Helena Howard) herself. The objective of Gretchen’s experiment? To prove in an ethical and non-violent way that women are more successful than men when it comes to survival and establishing a civilization. Ironically, Gretchen violates many research ethics to prove this hypothesis.

As the show alternates between scenes of the girls’ struggle for survival on the island, and their “recovery” (which is actually an interrogation to gather data) in seclusion after they have been “rescued,” it is the main character, Leah, who grows more suspicious of the island’s mysterious circumstances as time goes on. In the last episode of Season 1, “Day Twenty-Three,” Leah sneaks out of her quarantine suite in the bunker where the girls are being kept and into the basement, which is strictly off-limits. As she locates Gretchen’s secret surveillance computers, Leah observes footage of several teenage boys on the exact same island, struggling for their own survival. In response, she briefly breaks the fourth wall and hits the audience with a blunt, “What the f–––?” The episode then ends, and with it, the first season. Enter “The Twilight of Adam”––the male counterpart of “The Dawn of Eve.” “The Twilight of Adam” functions as Gretchen’s control group to prove her hypothesis that women are more successful and civilized than men when it comes to survival. The show’s official Instagram account, @thewildsonprime, has confirmed that Season Two of The Wilds, set to be released to Amazon Prime on May 6, 2022, will include a special focus on “The Twilight of Adam.” Producers have since shared information about the eight new male protagonists and introduced the eight new cast members playing them. Sounds like a premise that would grab fans’ attention, right? Wrong. Fans of The Wilds are actually pretty upset at the introduction of “The Twilight of Adam,” mostly because they fear their beloved female characters will lose screen time thanks to these boys. Comments on recent Instagram posts have included raging teen girls saying, “know your audience” and “we get it, boys will be in S2, now post about the girls!” Obviously, The Wilds’ target audience wants nothing to do with “The Twilight of Adam.” This makes sense, because The Wilds is such a female-dominated show. It is not to say that there cannot be male characters, but what its audience wants is femininity. Young women want to see characters like Dot (Shannon Berry), who carries the grief of losing her father, as well as the comic relief of the show on her back. Young women want to see characters like Martha (Jenna Clause), a gentle optimist who is deeply connected to her Native American culture, which the show portrays with positive representation and dignity. Young women want to see these eight girls come together, regardless of their history, and develop friendships while they face the natural elements. Moreover, since the show represents a lesbian relationship, many of the viewers of The Wilds are queer and lesbian women, who are likely more interested in the female characters than the male characters for obvious reasons. Perhaps the most prominent reason why fans have gravitated toward The Wilds is the blossoming relationship between Shelby (Mia Healey) and Toni (Erena James). These two young women come from incredibly different backgrounds. Shelby has been in the closet for some time due to her family’s conservative Christian beliefs. Toni is out and proud, but has been shuffled to multiple foster families her whole life, and struggles with understanding her parents’ absence, a complex issue which, for her, evolves into anger management issues. This ene-

mies-to-lovers relationship is a well-written storyline with strong sexual tension, but, more importantly, a positive representation of lesbians in media. Dedicated “Shoni” shippers have multiplied since the show’s release, and have taken to the Internet with a trove of memes and fanfictions about the pairing. It is obvious that fans fear their favourite TV couple will lose screen time because of “The Twilight of Adam.” Through its feminist storytelling, Season One of The Wilds has made the claim that patriarchy is the root of all women’s problems, as we see patriarchal issues cause harm in the lives of the female characters. For instance, Shelby and Toni face homophobia, Martha is a victim of sexual abuse, and Rachel develops an eating disorder. These are important issues to talk about, and they cannot be discussed without the knowledge that they are all rooted in patriarchy––whether acted out by men or women. All of the female leads face sexism in some way, shape, or form, even if it is not blatant. This brings up a worthwhile point to make: The Wilds may seem at first like it is just another teen drama with a cast of petty girls complaining about their breakups and rebelling against their parents, infused with the predictable typical man-versus-nature storyline. However, the issues presented in the story make it much more complex than that.

“Hopefully, rather than taking the fickle apologist’s “not all men” approach, the writers will give the boys in Season Two a story arc that reflects the harm of patriarchy to everybody, regardless of gender, and develop strong characters who viewers will enjoy.” Perhaps “The Twilight of Adam” is the writers’ attempt to offer the show some male characters who are actually likeable after ten episodes of presenting men as villains. Hopefully, rather than taking the fickle apologist’s “not all men” approach, the writers will give the boys in Season Two a story arc that reflects the harm of patriarchy to everybody, regardless of gender, and develop strong characters who viewers will enjoy. So long as the girls still get the screen time they deserve, it ought to be a promising season!

THE 2022 OSCARS WERE WEIRD DAVID WITZKE

There is a lot to unpack from this year’s Oscars. The overwhelming response is now focused on Will Smith’s seemingly iconic slap, but even before it started airing, the event was mired in controversy. When the news broke that some key categories like Best Film Editing and Best Original Score were not going to be televised live, the filmmaking community was livid. Watching the event unfold on TV was no better; it seems an awkward choice to only see the brief mention of the important people behind the scenes while the viewing audience gets a full thirty seconds from Zack Synder’s Justice League as the number one movie moment voted on by fans.

“It seemed like the producers of this year’s show seemed to be doggedly chasing some sort of bizarre cultural zeitgeist that they concocted in a boardroom.” There were a number of similar BuzzFeed-like sections counting down the top movie moments, or providing homages to famous movies from decades past that felt tone deaf. Evidently, even the celebrities did not know how to respond as the viewers heard the sounds of subdued, polite clapping at these awkwardly placed video clips. Even more awkward was the remixed version of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” featuring a rap verse from Megan

Thee Stallion and the random inclusion of a number of other popstars. It seemed like the producers of this year’s show seemed to be doggedly chasing some sort of bizarre cultural zeitgeist that they concocted in a boardroom.

scripted event. The next thirty seconds are dead silent on live stream as the producers mute Will Smith cussing out Chris Rock for the joke. They exchange some more words and Chris Rock stumbles his way through presenting the Best Documentary award.

Every time there was a heartwarming or interesting moment it felt like the whole show would shift to a completely different axis. Regina Hall spent her precious minutes of screentime making a series of uncomfortable jokes that bordered on the sexual harassment of her male co-stars and would certainly never have been performed by a male comedian towards his female co-stars. A heartfelt gospel-soul in memoriam song was interrupted by Jamie-Lee Curtis holding a puppy as a tribute to Betty White, and that’s not even the weirdest thing that happened.

The immediate reaction on social media was electric. The initial tweets were that of confusion. Everyone was asking what it was they just watched. Soon the battle lines were drawn, and there was absolutely zero consensus on who was right.

Even within the weirdness of the show there were some delightful moments. Liza Maneli presented the best picture award with Lady Gaga in a heartwarming interaction that accompanied CODA’s Best Picture win, a moment which also felt reliably wholesome and is a great step forward for deaf representation on screen. Most of the presenters made good jokes and almost all the speeches were heartfelt and genuine. However, there is no denying the soon-to-be legendary altercation between Chris Rock and Will Smith. Chris Rock made a rather unfunny joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s hair, asking her when the next G.I. Jane movie is coming out, and Will Smith walked onto the stage and placed a massive slap on Rock’s face. Will Smith’s walk onto the stage seemed so normal that it felt like a bit, but as the slap echoed in the auditorium and Chris Rock’s incredulous face was shown, there was no question that it was not a

The controversy, and the G.I Jane joke, centres around Jada Pinkett Smith, who is not bald by choice, but has an autoimmune disorder called alopecia, which causes significant hair loss. Many Twitter users say that Chris Rock made an ableist joke and deserved what he got; others call Will Smith’s actions criminal assault and a result of toxic masculinity. While it was quite shocking, the slap was not the most awkward moment of the night. That came when Will Smith calmly sat down after hitting a man on live television and ten minutes later received his Oscar for Best Actor. His acceptance speech preached the tenets of love and respect, yet it was impossible not to feel a bit surprised considering how he reacted only ten minutes prior. In that moment, Will Smith’s actions overshadowed his achievements. He may have won an Oscar, but when the 2022 Oscars are remembered, it will not be for CODA’s historic win nor for any number of other weird things that happened. It will be remembered for a slap and for a G.I Jane joke.

WAXAHATCHEE: CERULEAN SALT TO SAINT CLOUD KYLE PENNER

The first song on Waxahatchee’s album Cerulean Salt opens with the line “I left like I got my way / But truly I left with nothing at all.” The tone is set for the album that unfolds: a chronicle of loneliness and all manner of despondencies. Katie Crutchfield, the creator of the Waxahatchee project, gives listeners an intimate tour through the struggle of living in despair. Alcoholism and codependency feature heavily, and a general despondency permeates the project—it is not always an easy listen, but I have listened to it often nevertheless. The album is unified in its message and themes both lyrically and sonically. Even the structure of the songs themselves speak to the state of mind Crutchfield was writing from. Rarely adhering to any songwriting conventions, most of the songs come in with just a verse or two before fading into the next track; most of the songs are under three minutes and many are under two. Whether or not this is true, I get the sense that she could barely bring herself to write an entire song, and perhaps this is unsurprising, given the content of the songs themselves. In the second track (a standout), “Dixie Cups and Jars,” Crutchfield relates to us the wedding of one of her friends. Rather than a celebration of love, the marriage is described with the imagery of gothic horror. She watches with dread as the father gives away the bride, whose “makeup sits on [her] face like tar.” Logistically, the wedding is a disaster as well: the champagne flutes have been abandoned in favour of dixie cups and jars. At the end of it all, alcohol is Crutchfield’s recourse—“fill my jar up to the brim / I am an arid abyss.” The song details her struggle with the healthier people in her life being unable to help her, or leaving her behind. The way that hurt closes people off is a recurring theme.

There are a couple of songs on the album that sound almost upbeat, with more pace and a clearer song structure. Closer inspection reveals these stabs at normalcy to be little more than a facade. The song

“Lips and Limbs” comes in with guitars that sound much brighter than they have thus far in the album— the song almost feels out of place. The lyrics, however, relate a feeble attempt to drunkenly connect with someone: not so out of place after all. On the song, “Coast to Coast,” Crutchfield, with measured optimism or total capitulation to her circumstances, resolves to “embrace the lows.” One gets a sense of catharsis from Crutchfield as she asks, “When you’ve indulged every reckless whim / what is the weight of all your weakness?” There’s a flimsy sort of hope here, even if it is just a capitulation to a lamentable state of affairs. This weak hope continues on “Swan Dive,” where Crutchfield meekly pledges that she’ll grow out of all the empty bottles in her closet and the empty words she often speaks. She claims that her partner too will improve, move beyond suicidal ideation and eventually be better off without her. She admits that they will both “find a way to be lonely any chance [they] get.” Even when she tries to hope for more, it is bogged down in the mire of loneliness and dependency that she finds herself trapped in. The album closes with the track “You’re Damaged,” a simple track—just a slowly strummed acoustic guitar and Crutchfield’s voice. It has one of the lines that stands out most to me on the album that helps to understand what it is that so draws me to the album: “And in this dejection, lives a connection.” A part of why we listen to music is the connection that it provides, to others, to ourselves, or maybe some deeper aspect of being human; whether we share in the suffering or merely exercise our empathy, the experience is powerful. There is one thing that makes this album stand out to me, that sets it apart from other albums with a similar mood that I love. It is something that gives this despondent record a great hope beyond anything expressed within the album itself. It is Crutchfield’s other music. In particular, her newest album

Saint Cloud. Between the release of these two albums Crutchfield stopped drinking––it shows. The music on Saint Cloud is clear and pristine and hopeful. There is a certain irony in the way that she sounds more free on these songs despite adhering more strictly to traditional songwriting structures. It is beautiful and even more beautiful when you recall what preceded it. Many of the same themes are discussed on this album, yet in this context, they seem surmountable in a way that they never could have on Cerulean Salt.

“A part of why we listen to music is the connection that it provides, to others, to ourselves, or maybe some deeper aspect of being human; whether we share in the suffering or merely exercise our empathy, the experience is powerful.” The growth between these albums is perhaps expressed most succinctly in the closing lines of the first track where Crutchfield repeats: “I want it all.” She expresses longing that is emblematic of recovery from a state so hopeless that even simple wanting is too burdensome. This album gives me so much hope.

WHAT CAN WE LEARN FROM HILLSONG: A MEGACHURCH EXPOSED? CARTER SAWATZKY

Content Warning: sexual assault, abuse, rape. On March 23, Brian Houston, the leader and co-founder of Hillsong, resigned following an internal investigation into allegations of misconduct. On March 24, Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed, a threepart docu-series investigating its many alleged scandals, premiered for streaming on Discovery+. Coincidence? I think not. For many evangelical Christians who lean towards a non-denominational or Pentecostal church style, Hillsong is a staple not only for its music, but also its compelling branding. With tracks like “Oceans (Where Feet May Fail),” “Shout To The Lord,” “So Will I (100 Billion X),” and “What A Beautiful Name,” it is hard to think of those in the Christian evangelical world who have not been influenced by Hillsong in some way or another––making its controversies even more widely felt.

“Hillsong’s emotional worship stylings certainly help to develop––and maintain–– positive feelings from its audience towards the church’s brand, however poorly its leadership may act.” Made famous by its celebrity adherents like Justin Bieber and Hailey Bieber, Chris Pratt, Kevin Durant, Selena Gomez, Kylie Jenner, and others––Hillsong has undoubtedly become a worldwide phenomenon by making the leap from religious culture to pop culture. Some have even christened its celebrity pastors, including Brian Houston and Carl Lentz, to be spiritual entrepreneurs. The megachurch’s popularity may play a role in Pentecostalism being the fastest growing Christian movement in converting an average of 35,000 people a day. Hillsong’s emotional worship stylings certainly help to develop––and maintain––positive feelings from its audience towards the church’s brand, however poorly its leadership may act. With more than 150,000 weekly attendees in 30 countries and growing allegations of misconduct surrounding Hillsong senior leaders, the megachurch has come under intense scrutiny. A large part of this attention is due to the looming debut and buzz around A Megachurch Exposed. So much so, that many of its high profile leaders are finding it impossible to continue on in their roles at the church. A top pastor at the Hillsong Atlanta outpost, Sam Collier, announced on March 23 that he would be stepping down to start a new church. “With all of the documentaries, scandals, articles, accusations, and the church’s subsequent management of these attacks it’s become too difficult to lead and grow a young Church in this environment,” he said in an Instagram post.

A Megachurch Exposed takes a deep dive into how the church was able to grow into a global brand, while revealing the truth behind the headlines of recent scandals. The docu-series focuses on Hillsong, yet it manages to connect the dots with other megachurches who also straddle the fine line between culture, corporation, and cult. But what is there to learn with yet another Christian institution that has gone awry due to its leadership’s hypocrisy, sex abuse, and embezzlement? The lesson to learn may be that prioritizing brand and positive image above all else is perilous. When you create a system that cares more about its reputation than its people, there will be serious issues. It is all practically a cliche by now. The hyper-successful, New-York Times bestselling church leader who fails to practice what he preaches, and subsequently crumbles in a puddle of Christian hypocrisy––along with his carefully manicured Christian image that he sought to protect at all costs. For instance, news of the late Ravi Zacharias’s sexual exploits rocked the evangelical world in February 2021 when it was discovered that the pastor had hidden hundreds of pictures of women, abuse during massages, and a rape allegation for over a decade. A four-month investigation found Zacharias leveraged his reputation as a world-famous Christian apologist to abuse hundreds of massage therapists in the United States and abroad while the ministry led by his family members and loyal allies failed to hold him responsible for his actions. Mark Driscoll, the head pastor of Seattle megachurch Mars Hill which closed in 2014 over various scandals, is another recent example. Driscoll has been brought back into the public eye due to the hit podcast The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill. The podcast chronicles the events leading up to the megachurch’s downfall including the dangerous, abusive environment Driscoll created. Debuting in June 2021, the podcast has proven to be wildly popular among many evangelicals, and rightly so. Mark Driscoll was one of the most influential and charismatic pastors of the 2000s and early 2010s, despite his scandal-ridden leadership. To many evangelicals’ surprise, Christianity Today–– ironically, the producer of The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill––was one of the latest in the run of hypocrisy-sex-scandal-power-trip exposés. On March 15, Christianity Today published an independent report titled “Sexual Harassment Went Unchecked at Christianity Today,” along with a full internal report, which took the publication to task for failing to act on more than a decade’s worth of sexual harassment allegations against two of its male leaders. At the same time that Christianity Today was producing and publishing The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, there were extensive coverups going on internally at the organization. These dramatic Christian “downfalls” including Hillsong Church have a similar thread running between them all. In addition to the disheartening inability––or unwillingness––to hold leadership accountable for misconduct, these disgraced Christian institutions have been obsessed with keeping a marketable, welloiled machine running for consumers and donors, rather than protecting congregants and staff.

Commenting on the documentary trailer on February 19, Hillsong’s interim head pastor, Phil Dooley, said the “picture [A Megachurch Exposed] paints is far removed from, I believe, the truth of who we are as a church.” “There are people who have been hurt by their experience in our church. And that saddens me. For those people, I say we are deeply sorry, and we pray that you’ll find healing,” Dooley continued. “But there are also producers behind this documentary, and their purpose is not the healing of people but simply to hurt the church.” Whatever current Hillsong leaders may say about A Megachurch Exposed, the documentary presents a remarkable array of former employees, volunteers, and ex-members who readily condemn Hillsong for its typical megachurch issues as well as its shockingly distinct ones. A Megachurch Exposed highlights numerous ex-members of the church who have come forward to share harrowing allegations of the trauma, abuse, homophobia, financial and labour exploitation that ultimately created a culture of chaos within the church.

“The lesson to learn may be that prioritizing brand and positive image above all else is perilous. When you create a system that cares more about its reputation than its people, there will be serious issues.” Other notable interviewees include Hannah Frishberg, a New York Post reporter who has documented several of Hillsong’s scandals; Ben Kirby, an expert on megachurches who also started the @PreachersNSneakers Instagram account; Ranin Karim, the woman with whom Carl Lentz had a months-long affair; and Jaclyn Hayes and Janice Lagata, both of whom operated under Lentz as volunteers, who discuss various allegations of wrongdoing and cult-like control he attempted to wield. “We acknowledge that change is needed,” wrote Hillsong Church on March 23 in light of Brian Houston’s resignation. “We have committed to an independent review of our governance structure and processes, understanding that this is a time of humble reflection.” Even if Hillsong Church no longer exists as the Hillsong we know, its corrupted system and leadership will continue to exist as something else. When one brand dies, its name may disappear, yet its defective structure will continue to live on under other names–– and that is an issue. We must be wary of Christian leaders who prioritize their image over God’s image in their own people.

MAKENA WARDLE Sunday mornings have long been a sacred time kept for communal worship within Christianity; this is often thought to date all the way back to the 1st century, as early followers of Jesus would gather together to learn and worship. Sunday mornings are also traditionally considered a day of Sabbath, or a day of rest, reflection, and refraining from work. For many of us who have grown up in or around the Chrisitian tradition, Sunday mornings have been heavily tied to walking through the doors of a church: songs, sermon, more songs, prayer—not necessarily in that order. Though each community has had its own way of gathering, one element remained relatively consistent: the physical church building.

“A survey by the Association for Canadian Studies (ACS) found that “60.5 per cent of Canadians who say they strongly believe in God never or rarely attended a religious service since the beginning of the pandemic.” Over the last decade or so, specifically through the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been a shift. According to the National Post, there has been a major drop in church service attendance since 2019: a survey by the Association for Canadian Studies (ACS) found that “60.5 percent of Canadians who say they strongly believe in God never or rarely attended a religious service since the beginning of the pandemic.” Although there has been a drop in church attendance, belief in God has stayed much more consistent: “the survey found that one-third of respondents still say religion is important in their lives,” writes the National Post. “Jack Jedwab, president and CEO of ACS, said the drop in attendance reveals that Canadians have been able to separate their religious beliefs and the physical act of attending church service.” This is also a shift we have seen occur in our own community here at Trinity Western University (TWU). While part of this shift can indeed be attributed to COVID-19, there is an abundance of other reasons people are choosing alternatives to a traditional Sunday morning service. As conversation on religious diversity continues within and beyond TWU, it is important that we embrace the variety of Christian experiences. Levi Ebeling, a Religious Studies major at TWU, is one of the students within our community

who is choosing an alternative way to spend his Sunday mornings. Ebeling said, “I found that I need a bit of a break from church settings lately.” When asked how he chooses to spend his Sunday morning, Ebeling replied: “Given the busy life of a student, I always try to structure my Sundays around Sabbath. However, it can look different all the time! My intention for Sabbath and rest on Sundays is always first and foremost, however, I often find myself doing at least a little bit of work here and there if need be.” Ebeling explained that this often looks like sleeping in, eating good food, and spending restful time with friends as a way to participate in Sabbath. “I choose to make sure that my Sundays are Sabbath-focused because I want to make sure that I am taking intentional time to slow my brain, body, and spirit down to the rhythms of grace,” said Ebeling. “How can I notice God, myself, and others if I am constantly consumed by hurry and business? My mental, physical, and spiritual health flourishes because of these intentionally restful days,” he continued. Sara Driediger, a Corporate Communications major, told a similar tale. When asked if she attends a church or a place of worship, Driediger said: “The last few years I have been attending Bedside Baptist,” she joked, “but really, I cannot say I attend anywhere. Some online sermons here, one or two in-person services there, but none that I can call home.” “I see Sundays as a chance to reset—sweep, do dishes, any little homework assignments… Habits that carried over from early homelife.” she said. “I choose this because it is what gives me life. Spending time with those I love, doing what I love, honouring the time I have been given is the most life giving for me. Church attendance obstructed that for many years. Now, I get to fully partake in a day of rest, on my terms.” When asked if this has changed in recent years, she explained that she had worked at two different churches in the past, making Sunday a work day, which she described as “incredibly long and stressful.” Now that Driediger does not attend church services, she finds she is able to properly participate in the Sabbath: “I strongly believe that there is so much to learn and appreciate in the tradition of Sabbath—even for un-believers. Ironically, early in my deconstruction, I leaned hardest into Sabbath. It was the Church that taught me to sacrifice rest for the Church, and it was walking away that allowed me true, holy, rest.” While some are experimenting with different ways to spend their Sunday mornings, others are still drawn to a more brick-and-mortar church experience. Kaitlyn Weatherhead, a Religious Studies major, attends Christian Life Assembly (CLA) in Langley. Her “Sundays usually involves going to church in the morning” followed by “coffee with a group of friends after to talk about what God is doing in our lives during the week.”

When asked why she chooses to attend a church, Weatherhead said, “I believe that there is importance in church community. However, I think that church community has to be more intentional than just going to church in the morning and then leaving right afterwards. Community is formed when you take the time out of your day, outside of church to invest in the lives of others by walking through life together and encouraging each other to see Christ in our daily lives.” Weatherhead also participates in Sabbath, but chooses to partake in it on Fridays. “Fridays are usually my days to be present and to ground myself in God’s goodness both in that moment and in reflecting on the past week,” she said. Alex Walker, a Religious Studies and Theatre major, also chooses to attend a church. Walker goes to Town + Field weekly with a group of six friends, and said he likes this specific church because “they’re very intentional about including and reaching out to newcomers.” After hot chocolate and worship at church, he still makes time for brunch, calling and catching up with his family, spending time with his girlfriend, and attending his Resident Assistant Discipleship (RAD) meeting. Although his day is busy, Walker intentionally avoids homework, which is his way of participating in Sabbath. “I choose to organize my Sunday this way, because it allows me to have a balanced day of honouring and worshipping God through going to church and observing Sabbath, being productive… and enjoying a social life,” he said.

“I believe that there is importance in church community. However, I think that church community has to be more intentional than just going to church in the morning and then leaving right afterwards.” There are also those within our community who are choosing something in the middle. Sarah Isha, a graduate student in ACTS Seminary pursuing a Masters of Arts in Christian Studies, said, “Some Sundays, I choose to go to this one church [Artisan Church] in Vancouver with my partner. Part of the reason is that I still uphold a strong belief in collective worship of God. Another reason is that I believe in simply showing up to these collective gatherings with my partner, and that in itself is worship and an act of faith already.”

Isha said that she is “sure God shows up just as much in the walls of a church as They do when my partner and I are laughing in bed after just waking up.” On Saturdays, Isha participates in Sabbath, which can range from an early morning cup of tea, to Netflix marathons. Isha said it can also look like “Yin Yoga, and really leaning into the stretch of poses for long periods of time, asking God questions like, ‘Why did you put me on this earth? What is my calling? How many more seconds until this pose is done because I’m really feeling the stretch in my hamstrings?’”

“God shows up just as much in the walls of a church as They do when my partner and I are laughing in bed after just waking up.” Isha is also a leader of Square One Collective, an inclusive Christian group that runs out of Langley. She said that its mission “is to advance LGBTQIA2S+ inclusion in the church. We believe in a church where people who identify as Queer are embraced, loved, and accepted without conditions.” While it does not run weekly, they hold regular worship events, and more details can be found on their Instagram, @squareone.collective. “We wish to honour Scripture and still affirm LGBTQIA2S+ people, remaining ecumenical in nature and mission, inclusive of the different ways that those who believe in God may approach their spiritual journey,” said Isha. When we insist that one Christian’s Sunday practice is better than another’s Sunday practice, we close ourselves off from a whole world of new experiences, and shut out anyone whose spiritual experience is different from our own. Recognizing that Christian diversity exists is not a radical idea––it is both humble and realistic to acknowledge that we interpret and experience life differently as people. There is a diversity of Christian thought and practice that already exists, whether we happen to agree with the theological implications or not. As a university community with a rich history of Christian diversity and academic freedom––and hopefully a bright future––it is important that we continue to learn from those around us who may engage differently with spirituality, religion, God, and whatever experience occupies their Sunday morning.

EXPERIENCING THE FREEDOM CONVOY PROTESTS FIRST-HAND BRADLEY THOMPSON

In the wake of freedom protests in Ottawa that shook not only Canada but countries around the globe—with protests in Australia, New Zealand, the U.S.A., the U.K., France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Austria, Germany, Italy, and others—what should truth-seeking individuals understand or take away from these now historical events? What took place in and around Ottawa? Why did tens of thousands of people flood into Ottawa? How did our Prime Minister respond? What do Public Health Officers say currently about vaccination? Were these protesters justified in their actions or misinformed? As people who had become skeptical of many sources of media, my friend Adam Clay and I decided we should give Ottawa a visit over reading break. We prayed for God to raise all the funds for gas, and God faithfully raised everything we needed to go by Sunday, February 20 (the night before we were scheduled to leave). God also provided generous hosts for us to stay with. Additionally, many people were open to hearing the gospel and praying with us. Upon our arrival at one of two Freedom Convoy protest camps that we visited just outside of Ottawa, we ate with many members of the protests and conducted six interviews with different people who had been there for over two weeks of the protests. We heard of six camps that were set up outside of Ottawa in response to the police’s crackdown on protests. The people we interviewed, as well as many we spoke with, said they participated in this Freedom Convoy in response to various concerns. Most cited reasons including but not limited to: losing their jobs because of vaccine mandates, infringement on their Canadian Charter freedom to assemble peacefully, infringement on their Canadian Charter freedom of the security of their own person (body), seeing loved ones die alone in long-term care homes with no-visitor policies, perceived misinformation about COVID-19 from heavily subsidized legacy media (i.e. the CBC, The Globe and Mail, Toronto Star, Global News, National Post), and a refusal among government officials, public health officers, and news outlets to acknowledge and evaluate scientific evidence positing contrary discoveries about the safety and efficacy of the COVID-19 vaccines. Everyone we spoke to reported that they had not witnessed, nor participated, in any violent action against any persons or property. For example, when I asked two interviewees about the legacy news reports of vandalization and a protester urinating on the war memorial, they explained that the only vandalization that took place was when war veterans laid roses on the war memorial. The veterans had also removed a fence that had been set up by police which was preventing people from paying their respects to Canadian soldiers. Two interviewees commented that in the last week of the protest, they had been sprayed with pepper spray. One interviewee said, “I know a friend that got beaten by the police even though he was conforming and submitting.” Each of the people we spoke with confirmed that the police had used batons, pepper spray, rubber bullets, Long Range Acoustic Hailing Devices (LRAD), trotting horses, and blows of physical force to deter the protesters and remove them from downtown Ottawa. There is video evidence available online of these measures being employed against nonviolent protesters attempting to plant their feet and stand their ground.

Recently, the reports that Ottawa protesters were carrying or stockpiling firearms and weapons have been dispelled. When interim Ottawa police chief, Steve Bell, was asked whether or not police had found loaded firearms during the Ottawa protest clearing operation, he responded: “No––not relating to any charges laid.” Police investigations regarding weapons possession continue despite the police chief’s admission.

holding unacceptable views that they’re expressing, do not represent the views of Canadians.”

“Humbly admitting what we do not know and seeking the truth are two essential values of God’s people. Therefore, dig deeper than a simple Google search or a headline. All media contains bias including this article, so find reporters with the opposite bias and read both sides.”

On January 31, Trudeau continued to refuse addressing the concerns of protesters in the Freedom Convoy and stated: “I want to be very clear. We are not intimidated by those who hurl insults and abuse at small business workers and steal food from the homeless. We won’t give in to those who fly racist flags. We won’t cave to those who engage in vandalism or dishonour the memory of our veterans.” He also said some protesters were responsible for the “desecration of war memorials.” Instead of addressing the legitimate concerns of protesters, he cleverly used isolated incidents to discredit and devalue the movement.

Each of the interviewees were additionally excited to share about the “overwhelming support” from people across Canada and Ontario throughout the Convoy’s trip across Canada and the subsequent protests. Three interviewees said that people were donating millions of dollars to the movement. According to GiveSendGo, it received $12.1 million CAD before it was disabled and the Freedom Convoy GoFundMe received $10 million CAD, of which more than half the total funds came from Canadians before it was disabled. Many supporters donated supplies, fuel, food, and basic necessities to the Freedom Convoy along their route and while they remained in downtown Ottawa. Our interviewees reported that protesters were sharing indiscriminately with the homeless and anyone who needed it, shoveling snow out of the downtown area in wheelbarrows, organizing meal schedules, music concerts, bouncy castles, and supporting local businesses who would accept them. How has Trudeau responded to unvaccinated Canadians and Freedom Convoy supporters? On December 29, 2021, before the Freedom Convoy had taken place, Trudeau said, “We will get through this pandemic by vaccination. We all know people who are a little bit hesitant. We will continue to try to convince them. But there are also people who are fiercely against vaccination who don’t believe in science, they’re often misogynists, also often racists. It’s a small group. And we have to make a choice, in terms of leaders, in terms of the country. Do we tolerate these people?” In reference to the Freedom Convoy approaching Ottawa in late January, Trudeau said, “The small fringe minority of people who are on their way to Ottawa, who are

On January 28, the Convoy arrived in droves to downtown Ottawa and demanded to speak with Justin Trudeau, yet he did not come outside and meet any protesters. (Editor’s note: Trudeau was isolating with COVID at the time)

More than a month later, I have not found any official documentation, videos, or photo evidence that links those who harassed the homeless shelter employees and urinated on the war memorial to the Freedom Convoy protesters. Even if there were adequate evidence to link these deplorable actions to a couple of Freedom Convoy protesters, this would not reflect the actions and attitudes of at least 32 percent of Canadians who say they “have a lot in common with Freedom Convoy Protesters,” according to a poll conducted in early February by Abacus Data. The actions of war veterans in the Freedom Convoy to remove the fence and lay roses around the memorial matches the true spirit of the people Adam and I met. I can honestly say that no one we met with expressed racist, white supremacist, violent, fascist, anti-Semitic, or even anti-scientific views (not to be confused with anti COVID-19 vaccine views). What do B.C. public health officers say about COVID-19 Vaccines and Vaccine Policies? A letter from the Chief Medical Officer of Vancouver Coastal Health addressed to the President of UBC on February 16 explains that “[c]urrent scientific evidence, including B.C. data, indicates that COVID-19 vaccination (2-doses), while effective at preventing severe illness, is not effective at preventing infection or transmission of the Omicron variant of the virus, which now accounts for almost 100% of cases in the province [of B.C.].” This letter cites a study completed earlier in February and marks a turning point in the conversation about vaccine effectiveness and vaccine policy. Many government subsidized media outlets alleged Freedom Convoy protesters “urinated on the war memorial” (Global News), “shut down local businesses” (Ottawa Citizen, Global News), “negatively impacted the economy” (Global News, CBC), and “harassed local Ottawa residents” (Global News, CBC). When you see headlines like these in the future, I challenge you—in the name of truth-seeking—to ask yourself: is this the whole story, or are there pieces missing? Humbly admitting what we do not know and seeking the truth are two essential values of God’s people. Therefore, dig deeper than a simple Google search or a headline. All media contains bias including this article, so find reporters with the opposite bias and read both sides.

NOT EVERYONE HERE IS CHRISTIAN ANONYMOUS

When I first came to Trinity Western University (TWU), I was concerned but hopeful about my place in a Christian university. I had been raised Catholic, went to a Protestant church for two years, then left the church altogether when I was 17. I knew, entering into my first year, that Chapel was not mandatory and that I did not have to attend a Discipleship group if I did not want to. What I did not see coming, and probably should have, was that everyone here would assume that I was Christian. My non-Christian-ness came up in conversation the other day with someone I have known for two years. He was surprised to learn that I’m not Christian and that I have not gone to church for years. He just assumed, like most people I have encountered here, that I was Christian just like everyone else. This confusion became an open conversation of genuine interest on his part, and I gladly shared a bit about why I know longer attend church, and what my faith looks like now. I am what is referred to as a “cradle Catholic.” I was an altar server for a while, and sang in my Catholic elementary school choir. When I entered high school I had a lot more Protestant friends than Catholic ones, and eventually joined a tiny church that met in a high school cafeteria (much to the dismay of my very Catholic grandmother). Around that time, my mom’s mental health started deteriorating––and my faith along with it. No matter how much the people around me said “I’ll pray for you and your family,” we were never allowed a reprieve. I eventually found myself unable to be-

lieve that an all-loving God could allow my family to suffer so much. A year into going to this new church, I discovered my bisexuality. From what I had heard about the church’s relationship with the LGBTQIA2S+ community, I felt intense fear surrounding my existence at my church. I felt that I had to hide who I was, pretend to be someone else, so that the people I had come to share my Sundays with would not hate me.

“I felt that I had to hide who I was, pretend to be someone else, so that the people I had come to share my Sundays with would not hate me.” This was not an unfounded fear either––part of being queer is hearing constant stories of what people like you go through daily. You live in constant reminder that the world, and the Church, was not built for you. I continued to attend church for four months. I saw my church friends drift away from me, and I could not bear to hide who I really was. At the end of those four months, my mom’s mental health hit its latest low, and I made the decision to leave the church. At that point

in time, everyone in my life was some sort of Jesus-follower, so you can imagine how difficult it was to abandon my faith. Two and a half years later, I still support my decision. I continue to grapple with the idea of a loving God when the suffering that my family endured is still ongoing. In fact, my doubts are stronger still, since I now struggle with PTSD because of that suffering. The damage that has already been done. The pain still ripples throughout my life on a daily basis, so forgive me for not believing in “the power of prayer” or that “good will come of suffering.” Some people tell me that it was “all part of God’s Plan.” Excuse my language, but if that is the truth, then it is a s— plan. Others try to tell me that I am a better person because of it. And yeah, I am independent and emotionally mature, both of which are important skills to have, but I am also deeply traumatized. The ends do not justify the means in my opinion. There are countless other ways for me to have grown into the independent and emotionally mature person I am today. Countless other ways that do not involve broken relationships, years of suffering, a mental disorder, and horrible memories that will stay with me to the end of my life. TWU allows anyone, Chrisian or otherwise, to enroll. So why does it feel like this school was only made for Christians? Don’t get me wrong, I do not mind prayer or faith discussions during class. It is when people are made to feel less-than because they are not Christian, or when students are guilt-tripped into attending Chapel with their friends––that is when I have a problem with it. That is when these assumptions become harmful.

THE PRIVILEGE OF ACCESSIBILITY JAKOB KRAUSE

“Okay, Josh, just wait down here for one second!” I tell him as I quickly run up the staircase to grab laundry money. Josh is a second-year student at Trinity Western University (TWU) with a genetic neuromotor disorder, meaning his brain does not properly coordinate with his body, causing Josh to transport himself with a wheelchair. Coupled with this, Josh is nonverbal, being able to voice his thoughts, opinions, and advocate for himself exclusively using an iPad with communication software, hand signals, and minimal vocal sounds.

“There is much more that needs to be done to the current state of campus for there to be proper inclusion of all students.” When I arrive down the staircase a minute later, I find Josh’s wheelchair pushed up against the base of the staircase, pointing up, communicating that he wants to visit my apartment. “I wish you could too, Josh. Maybe one day we’ll get some friends to carry you up so we can hang out there.” Josh and I both were in low spirits after realizing that we were unable to gather in my home––a problem unfamiliar to most TWU students. These are the types of pains and struggles non-disabled students at Trinity Western do not deal with or even consider. Most students have the liberty to travel around campus freely, access their friends’ living spaces, and not be concerned about cracks in the sidewalk or ramp access. If TWU really were to value all students and see them all as equal, shouldn’t every student have access to simple rights like visiting their friends’ residences no matter where they live? It is a tragedy that friendships can be a privilege and inaccessible for some.

TWU may have living spaces and buildings that are accessible and wheelchair-friendly, yet, what about access to the rest of campus? Should the second floor of buildings be reserved only for non-disabled individuals? Should students with exceptionalities have to enter a lift-style elevator from decades ago next to the garbage bins to access the Wellness Centre? Should friendship be only reserved for the non-disabled? The answer is no, but more often than it should be, the answer is unfortunately, yes. These are the types of issues I have noticed with TWU’s Langley campus through spending time with Josh and partaking in his campus and academic experience. To attend one of Josh’s classes, he must take two steep ramps and an elevator to make it to a small, barely-wheelchair accessible classroom. Josh is fortunate to always have a caregiver with him, and supportive people around him, but what about students who transport themselves independently by wheelchair? Unfortunately, this campus was built during a time when higher education was not available to people with disabilities, and these people were pushed to the margins of society, causing the university to be an experience solely for people without physical disabilities. It is a joy that higher education is now being made available to a greater expanse of individuals, yet we are only at the grassroots stage of this endeavor. There have been attempts in the past to create a more accessible campus, such as smoothing out bumpy sidewalks, installing ramps in buildings, assuring that elevators are in all new TWU buildings, and the slow progression of adding automatic doors to buildings (most recently in RNT and Neufeld), but there is much more that needs to be done to the current state of campus for there to be proper inclusion of all students. Campus accessibility is so much more than providing the bare minimums for individuals, such as accessible bedrooms and classrooms; it is going the extra step to create an environment that is available and accessible to all students, which needs to include the diverse minority of physically disabled students. I am not attempting to write a manifesto expecting TWU administration to be guilted into changing their budget to include more money for accessibili-

ty (though that would be nice) but to simply remind students that accessibility should be a right, yet, unfortunately, it is a privilege to non-disabled students on this campus. Many of us, including myself until recently, go throughout our days ignorant to the daily struggles of TWU students like Josh. It is easy to ignore the inaccessibility of campus until you have relationships with individuals who cannot access certain parts of campus.

“Many of us, including myself until recently, go throughout our days ignorant to the daily struggles of TWU students like Josh. It is easy to ignore the inaccessibility of campus until you have relationships with individuals who cannot access certain parts of campus.” When you have to say, “No, you can’t come visit me” to someone because of a lack of accessibility, it hurts deeply to everyone, but especially the person who is rejected access. Let us urge TWU to be a more inclusive, accessible space as much as we can. There is so much more to be done for accessibility at TWU. The next time you use stairs on campus or visit a friend on the second floor, realize that this, too, is a privilege.

CREATIVITY EXISTS AND IS NO CONFORMIST SADIE MCDONALD

When I was in third grade, my class studied snails. We were each given a picture of a snail to colour with no further instructions. Somehow, the entire class coloured their snails’ shells the same way: yellow with black stripes. I, a child fascinated with nature, knew more about snails than the class combined from my time spent observing them, and coloured my snail shell yellow with dark brown stripes. When I finished, I proudly showed the classroom education assistant with a smile. But she took it from me and frowned. “That’s not how you’re supposed to do it.” She took my drawing and threw it away, handing me another blank sheet of paper. “Do it again.” I cried.

“When being different is “bad,” we learn to understand words by their connotations, not their definitions. And the biggest flaw in that is that we learn incorrect words to label people, teaching us that the people we label as abnormal individuals are inherently wrong.” The shame I felt for not understanding my “wrongdoing” was humiliating. It gave me the impression that the world did not appreciate nor care what I saw unless it was presented “the way it was supposed to be.” This “do it again” mentality has haunted me ever since.

When my thesis statement could be more articulate even after rewriting it for the fifth time? Do it again. When I could not remember what I had learned in science class? Rewrite the notes; do it again. When I failed my math test? Do. It. Again. Before I was ten years old, I knew that anything less than perfection is pathetic, because even when you try your best, people will tell you that it is not good enough. I have always been one to march to the beat of my own drum. Or sprint laps around the room instead of complying with the exercises my ballet teacher was attempting to get a group of five-year-olds to do. And so, I was slighted in the subtlest of ways in school when I deviated from the normal. Once my class made paper butterflies, and I lovingly drew a smiley face on mine. She had a personality, she was worth being made, and so of course she deserved a facial expression, right? At least that was what nine-year-old Sadie believed. But as I gazed up at the winged creatures strung across the classroom ceiling, spotting mine immediately with its unique black markings, I was encouraged “not to do it again” because it “wasn’t like everyone else’s.” Or when we experimented with watercolours and were taught to form clouds and paint skies. I was the one sunrise among thunderstorms. I drew what I wanted to convey: beauty. But beauty has a standard, and as I have learnt throughout my time in the education system, creativity does too. When being different is “bad,” we learn to understand words by their connotations, not their definitions. And the biggest flaw in that is that we learn incorrect words to label people, teaching us that the people we label as abnormal individuals are inherently wrong. Empathetic becomes “overly sensitive.” Creativity is seen as “not following the instructions.” Quiet and thoughtful now mean “does not participate in class discussion.” The colours of my snail’s

shell are yellow and dark brown. My butterfly has a smile. Those are not wrong. So what if I used a brown crayon instead of a black one, a marker when I should not have? That was not wrong. I am not wrong. At a post-secondary level, I understand that there are consequences in not following the standards, whether those standards are academic integrity, using inclusive and respectful language, cultivating diversity, etc. I can decide when to speak and when to stay silent. I can differentiate between creative liberty and stepping across the line.

“Creativity exists and is no conformist; in a world of conformists there are no creators. “ At an elementary level, however, I did not know that people do not appreciate divergence in any form, even as harmless as a child’s illustration. Therefore, the consequences were then imposed upon me and warped my perception of creative freedom, distorted my sense of artistic expression, and significantly lowered my self-esteem. When you tell a child to be like all the other children, they learn to stay silent or mimic those around them to fit in. Dear educators, when you try to “correct” creativity, it teaches conformity, and that is a far cry from inclusive and diverse education. Creativity exists and is no conformist; in a world of conformists there are no creators.

What is your major, year, and where are you from? I’m a fourth-year music major, specializing in vocal performance. I’m from Bremerton, Washington, which is pretty close to Seattle. When did you first get involved in music, and why? I have to credit my dad for an early love and appreciation of all kinds of music. I first got into performing after my cousin started doing musical theatre. I started singing in choir and doing musicals when I was 13, and I can’t really imagine my life without it. Music has such a unique way of expression, and I’ve always been drawn to its capacity to bring people together. What made you choose to pursue music and sing in the choirs at Trinity Western University (TWU)? I was looking into Christian universities with strong music programs after I went to Bible school, and after spending time with the music department at preview weekend, I knew this was the place for me. As an artist, I really prioritized getting a solid education in a supportive, faith-filled community. TWU has this opportunity to foster discipleship in the arts, which is such a huge need. Singing in choir here has been the best part of my degree, and I have been so blessed in and through the music community especially. What inspires you to create and perform? I think I am most inspired by the collaborative aspect of performance. In all my solo work, I have been able to work with the most amazing accompanists, and they have such a huge impact on bringing the music to life. The choral community too is so inspiring––there’s actually scientific benefits to group singing for mental and physical health, and that is so clear when you are making music in a choir. In whatever capacity that I’m performing, I get to use my gifts and education to glorify God, and there’s really nothing else I would rather do. Artistic expression is of value and importance to God, so I love just being able to be a part of that.

What do you enjoy most about singing? Everything? Singing is such an embodied art form, it truly allows you to feel and express so much, and it is so edifying when everything comes together and the music truly comes to life. The imaginative aspect of singing is life-giving and fascinating too––simply by imagining an image or trying to express the text in a certain way, you can affect the physical sound that is produced, and it is so cool. Singing can also be really vulnerable, your instrument is an extension of yourself, so it takes a lot of care as well as work. In preparing for my senior recital, I’ve enjoyed being able to lean into the drama and theatricality of my pieces, while cultivating my own voice and taking on each of them. Is this something you plan to do professionally? How do you want to use your talents after you graduate? I would love to sing professionally! I know that music and singing will always be an integral aspect of my life, and I’m excited to see how God shapes the next few years of my life. The nice thing is that there are so many options and paths to pursue music and singing, and if you know me, you know that I never stop singing (shoutout to my roommates who put up with endless one-woman musicals in the kitchen) so however I end up using my talents after graduation, I’ll definitely be doing something and singing for someone. Is there anything else you’d like to share? The TWU choirs are having our first in-person concert since 2020 on April 10! Look for the posters on campus, and check the SAMC Instagram and Facebook for more details. We’d love to see you there! You can see Laurel sing in the TWU Choirs’ upcoming performance, “Music of Hardship and Harmony,” on Sunday, April 10 at 5 p.m, 7:30 p.m, and 8:30 p.m, at Langley Canadian Reformed Church. Tickets are available at the door.

How did you first get involved with rugby? I initially came to TWU because some of my siblings had come here, and I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I didn’t really like school to be honest, so I was actually planning on dropping out. But then one of my roommates, who was on the men’s basketball team at the time, mentioned that Andy [Evans] was starting a rugby team and was looking for big guys who might be interested in trying it. I put it off for a while, but eventually I found his email and reached out to him. I met with him outside of Sparta and we chatted for a few minutes. And he’s like, Yeah, let’s do it. Let’s try it. So then I spent the whole spring and summer working out, studying rugby, doing everything I could to learn as much as I could so that I wouldn’t look like a complete idiot when I started. Then from there I was right into training with the team and learning a lot on the fly. Now it’s been three years of playing the sport, and it’s honestly my favourite thing in the world. Before rugby, I played hockey from grade 10 up until my first year in university. I have seven siblings, so growing up my parents didn’t have enough time to drive us to all the sports. So when I started playing hockey, I just played recreationally, and I was horrible. I taught myself how to skate, I never had any lessons or anything, but I got better. By the end of high school I went to two Junior B training camps. There was some interest there, but I ended with a High Performance Academy for a couple months until I ended up breaking my foot. That led to me meeting Andy and dropping hockey. Growing up, I also did karate for about seven years, and I got my black belt when I was in grade 12. Tell us about your favourite rugby moment. I think the one that stands out isn’t necessarily even to do with playing but for the entire exis-

tence of the program. Up until that point, eventually playing UBC had always kind of been on the horizon. So when that game finally came around this fall, it was a big moment. We got warmed up, went back to the sheds, put the jerseys on, and got all fired up. It was like a 200 metre walk from our dressing room to the field, but I just felt so ready and so prepared. Walking onto that field and realizing the size of the crowd, I genuinely felt like I was like a gladiator walking through the Colosseum. Like I stepped on that field, I saw the size of that team, and I heard the fans screaming. I was like, man, I’m ready to lay some people out and I don’t care if I die in this field. It was just such an amazing feeling and definitely a favourite moment of mine. What are you most looking forward to for next season? Obviously another summer to get bigger, faster, stronger, better. Then coming back we’ll be playing in some sort of structured league with the highest level teams in the province. Two of those being a couple of the best universities in the country, UBC and UVIC, who are UBC perennial contenders for national championships. So we’ll look to prove ourselves against some of the men’s teams but then look to win against UBC and UVIC, not only to qualify for nationals, but to kind of get a measuring stick of what nationals is going to look like and if we can get to the top of the mountain. What does your time after TWU look like, both for rugby and a career? The dream is to play professionally for a while, whether that’s really any level, whether it’s domestic or overseas. I decided to go with General Studies as a degree because I didn’t really have any specific career that I would want to go to school for, I just wanted to have the degree. I’ll probably mostly look at trying to either be a firefighter or police officer.

SPARTAN SPOTLIGHT

JOSH HALLADAY What is your year, team, position and major? I’m in my fourth year, I play for Men’s Rugby as a lock and flanker, and I am a General Studies major.

ARTIST SPOTLIGHT

LAUREL POPE

WHY ERIK TEN HAG NEEDS TO BE THE NEXT MANCHESTER UNITED MANAGER LUKE RATTRAY

Tumultuous, anticlimactic, and unpredictable are just a few words to describe Manchester United’s time this season. From a humiliating 5-0 loss against bitter rivals Liverpool to a hasty 4-1 defeat to relegation-contenders Watford that symbolized the final swing of the sword in the Solsjkaer era of Manchester United, it is once again, back to the old drawing board. Yes, fans of the club have been saying for ages that the next manager will need to “change the culture” and will have to “make the club winners again.” It is yet to happen. It started with the Mourinho era and then to the reign of Solskjaer, where, for a bit, things looked promising, and exciting football was returning to Old Trafford. But the end was almost as quick as Solsjkaer’s rise within the first few months of the job. “Things are going to be different this time now,” says all United fans knowing that Ralf Rangnick’s time as interim manager is slowly coming to an end, and knowing that this summer, one of the sport’s most exciting coaching prospects will be looking for a new challenge. Enter: Erik ten Hag. While Rangnick has done a decent job, United fans are excited for what he can do above the pitch, knowing that he will have a hand in getting rid of the players that need to go, and investing in players that will recognize how much it truly means to play for a club like Manchester

United. Ten Hag is more than qualified to lead United to great things, at least he was much more qualified than Solskjaer was when he first took over.

“The question now is that fans know that ten Hag is interested, wanting, and ready to take on one of the most difficult positions in world football in the United position, but is United ready for Erik ten Hag?” Ten Hag has achieved great things with his Ajax side, most notably making an incredible Champions League in 2019 that took a miraculous Lucas Moura hat trick at

the last possible second to knock them out. Ten Hag’s player development is nothing short of incredible. He has been able to produce the likes of Brazilian speedster Antony, and rapid and mature centre back Jurrien Timber in very quick succession, replacing the dynamic playmaking of Hakim Zyiech and highly coveted defending and leadership of Matthijs De Ligt. Not to mention perhaps the crown jewel of this generation of Ajax talents: Dutch dynamo Ryan Gravenberch, who so quickly replaced his predecessor Frenkie De Jong, who has since become world class at Barcelona Arguably, the most exciting thing that ten Hag could provide United is a vision and potential to return to the elite of European football. However, in order to get to this point, the executives of United must be patient, and so must the fans. United are in a very difficult position as a club, and the “win now” mentality has proven to be catastrophic this season. Ten Hag provides the intelligence, tactics, and the wisdom to be able to take United to the top, as it has been evident with how well he has done at Ajax. There are a lot of unanswered questions at the moment, but if United are able to hire ten Hag, it will be a step in the right direction. Now that fans know that ten Hag is interested, wanting, and ready to take on one of the most difficult positions in world football in the United position, the question remains––is United ready for Erik ten Hag?

RISE OF THE PEACOCK: ST. PETER’S HISTORIC MARCH MADNESS RUN DIEGO BASCUR

“IT’S OVER, THE MIRACLE RUN CONTINUES.” Shock filled the Wells Fargo Center, as the commentator’s words echoed through the stadium and everyone’s living room. The St. Peter Peacocks had just stunned the world, beating a strong team in Purdue, making them the first 15th seed to make it to an Elite Eight.

“The incredible coaching of Shaheen Holloway, and the tough, gritty team from New Jersey he led, gave us hope in doing the impossible” But who are the Peacocks and what makes this one of the greatest underdog stories in March Madness history? The small school located in New Jersey holds around 2,355 students, ten times smaller than most schools in the NCAA tournament. The basketball program at St.

Peter spends around $1.6 million a year, which is significantly less than many teams in the tournament. To put this in perspective, the UNC (University of North Carolina) coach is paid more than the entire St. Peter basketball program. Going into this year’s March Madness, St. Peter sat low in the rankings, and with a matchup against Kentucky, an elite squad filled with NBA prospects such as Shaedon Sharpe and Tyty Washington, the Peacocks were expected to make an early exit. But it’s not called March Madness for nothing. With unwavering confidence and fire in their eyes, this Peacock team delivered a performance which will not soon be forgotten, coming through in overtime to win 85-79. Outstanding performances were had from starter Daryl Banks III, who had 27 points, and the mustache miracle, Doug Edert, who, coming off the bench had 20 points. To fully appreciate the absurdity of this upset, one can simply go to the budget of the Kentucky basketball program which spends around $20 million dollars a year, compared to St. Peter’s $1.6 million. This was also only the 10th time in 37 years of the tournament that a 15th seed had won a first-round game. From then on, the small school from New Jersey captured the hearts of everyone watching the tournament.

With a win against a more than respectable Murray State team in the second round and then another massive 6764 upset over the third seed Purdue in the sweet 16, this Cinderella story continued to gain traction. Names like Doug Edert and KC Ndefo became heroes, and the team etched itself closer and closer to the impossible. And so it was, the game was set, St. Peter versus UNC, David versus Goliath, the first time a 15th seed had made it to an Elite Eight. All eyes were set on this game, on this team, which, against all odds, had reached unimaginable heights. But, unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and UNC proved to be too much for the Peacocks, winning easily 69-49. Though a truly heartbreaking moment for St. Peter’s team, the mark they left on this tournament will be ingrained in all our memories for years to come. The incredible coaching of Shaheen Holloway, and the tough, gritty team from New Jersey he led, gave us hope in doing the impossible. A feeling which can bring millions together in a common belief—this is what makes March Madness so special.

THE MYSTIFYING DOWNFALL OF ITALIAN SOCCER SCOTT BOWERS

In the four year window between FIFA World Cups, there are a plethora of different indicators fans and pundits alike reference to consider who the best nations in the world are. One of those would be considering the winner of the UEFA European Championships that happen two years in between World Cups.

“Well the short answer is, this team was built for tournament games, where they could sit deep, defend well, and rely on moments of individual brilliance from their attacking players. However, there is a bigger issue at play here.” The most recent winners we can look to are the mighty Azzurri. Italy, a proud footballing nation, with an undoubtedly passionate fan base, had an inspiring run during the 2020 tournament. Seemingly mixing an ideal blend of experienced defensive players and exciting, young attacking players––they were at the top of the soccer world. It was a perfect position just 18 months out from the 2022 World Cup.

Or so many would think. Except the Italians won’t even be at the tournament after failing to qualify for the second World Cup in a row. After finishing second in their qualifying group, Italy was drawn into a playoff against lowly North Macedonia, and then an apparent match with fellow European giant Portugal if they were to beat the Northern Macedonians. However, that scintillating failure did not come to fruition as the Azzurri were unable to beat the team 61 places lower than them in the FIFA world rankings. But how do we even get to this point at all? How did the reigning European champions fail to qualify automatically in what was an objectively easy group? With just two matches left in the final round of qualifying, Italy would have needed just one win against either Switzerland or Northern Ireland to qualify. They managed to do neither, drawing against both teams. So what went wrong for the team who went undefeated in the European Championship just three months earlier? Well the short answer is, this team was built for tournament games, where they could sit deep, defend well, and rely on moments of individual brilliance from their attacking players. However, there is a bigger issue at play here. This is not a one-time incident where the team was out of form. Ever since Italy’s last World Cup win in 2006, they have been continually underwhelming on the world’s biggest stage. The 2010 and 2014 editions saw the Azzurri fail to progress from the group stage, a disappointment in the eyes of many fans to start with. Things only continued to regress with their successive failures to qualify for the 2018 and 2022 tournaments. The answer to this downfall has its roots at the grassroots level of Italian soccer. When we look at that 2006 team that contained the likes of Fabio Cannavaro, Andrea Pir-

lo, and Gennaro Gattuso and compare it to the current squad, it’s clear to see a real lack of world-class players. When Italy were at their real height, they were not only dominating at international tournaments, but their best clubs––the likes of AC Milan, Inter Milan, Juventus––were dominating the club game as well, with Italian players leading the charge. Despite the triumph at the 2020 Euros, Italian club soccer is nowhere near the level it once was. No Italian team has won the UEFA Champions League since 2010, despite having many of the most successful clubs of all time. But it’s more than just winning: in the last decade there has been a general trend of underachievement from Italian clubs in Europe. Even when there are moments of success, like Inter Milan making the Europa League final in 2020, they are short-lived. Now almost two years on from that promising campaign, key players have been sold and talismanic manager Antonio Conte has moved on. Italian soccer is at its best when its best clubs are thriving, and the best Italian players are leading that charge. Currently, that is not the case. Many of the Italian team like veterans Giorgio Chiellini and Leonardo Bonucci are now past their primes and won’t be around for the next World Cup. The pair will retire without ever even playing a knockout match in a World Cup. That kind of fact truly sums up how underwhelming this era of Italian players have been. The focus needs to be on the future. Players like Federico Chiesa, who are young, exciting, and have bags of potential, need to be the focal point of the team, not just a part of the team only looking to win a game with an individual moment of magic. Players like Chiesa also need to be at the forefront of their club’s success. If the trends of the best young Italian players moving to Europe’s other top leagues continues, so will their general lack of success on the world’s biggest stage.

ENDING RUGBY’S GREATEST HYPOTHETICAL DEBATE SCOTT BOWERS

Like every other avid rugby fan in the world, boy I am glad we are entering peak rugby season. We just had the conclusion of another amazing Six Nations tournament, the Gallagher Premiership, Top 14, and United Rugby Championship are all heading towards an exciting climax, not to mention the start of a brand new Super Rugby season. We are just starting the six-month period for some of the best rugby matches of the calendar year. However, we need to talk about a match up that we unfortunately will never get. As the Northern Hemisphere leagues come to an end, and a European champion is crowned, we are just getting a first real look at what the Southern Hemisphere teams are looking like. This always brings up the debate between fans of who would win if the best team in the Northern Hemisphere were to take on the best team in the Southern Hemisphere. Sometimes this is discussed in the context of if the best club team from each hemisphere could play, and sometimes in the context of if there was an all-star team that could be created for the nations of each hemisphere. The latter is something we actually get closer to a real answer with in the way of the British & Irish Lions tour. For those who don’t know, the Lions are a representative team that come together every four years and travel through one of the three major Southern Hemisphere nations (New Zealand, Australia, South Africa). These trips happen on rotation, so the Lions travel to each one of these countries every 12 years. On the tours, the Lions will play warm up matches against all of the professional teams in that country, then play a three-test series against the national team. The team is made up of the best players from England, Scotland, Wales, and Ireland. So except for France, all of the nations that would make up a Northern Hemisphere all-star team. These tours are steeped in tradition, with the first version dating as far back as 1888, but they are also taken very seriously even in the modern era. It’s seen as an absolute honour not only for a British & Irish player to suit up for the Lions, but also for a Southern Hemisphere player to have the opportunity to suit up against them. This is

because, outside the World Cup, this is the pinnacle of rugby competition, and truly an opportunity to prove oneself as a world class player. It is not exactly the perfect Northern vs. Southern Hemisphere matchup that has become the game’s biggest hypothetical, but it is an interesting starting point. If the history of results is anything to go off of, the Southern Hemisphere very much would be in the pole position of the debate, seeing as the Lions’ overall test series record against the three countries is 12-21-2. That Lions record gets even worse when you exclude the 7-2 record against Australia, as hypothetically, the majority of the best southern hemisphere players would come from New Zealand and South Africa. This is not a perfect indicator, as the tours don’t take into consideration the difficulty of bringing so many players from different nations together, especially when the opposition are an individual national team with lots of team camaraderie. It also does not take into consideration the sizable effect the influx of French players would have on a Northern Hemisphere team. However, that record is very striking, that these two individual nations could be so historically successful against these touring teams with players from so many quality nations. Another indicator that is interesting to consider is the success of Northern and Southern Hemisphere nations at the Rugby World Cup. Since the first tournament in 1987, there have been nine tournaments. Southern Hemisphere teams have won eight of those—New Zealand (3), South Africa (3), Australia (2)—while the lone Northern Hemisphere triumph came from England in 2003. A resounding statistic that, at least historically, should bring an end to this debate that for all-time the Southern Hemisphere is most certainly the dominant rugby area. Nonetheless, we are in an era now where this North vs. South debate would be at its closest if a test series were to happen at this moment. The Northern Hemisphere has its dominant forces in Toulouse and Leinster; the

Southern Hemisphere has the Crusaders. National teams like France and Ireland seem to be building really well, and the mighty All Blacks are nowhere near the juggernaut they used to be. There has never been more parity in the world of rugby than there is right now. Just a year and a half away from the 2023 World Cup in France, it would surprise no one if we saw a second Northern Hemisphere team take home the Webb Ellis Cup.

“This always brings up the debate between fans of who would win if the best team in the northern hemisphere were to take on the best team in the southern hemisphere.” If we were to make a hypothetical lineup of the best players available from each of the hemispheres, the edge still would have to go to the South. The front row battle would be almost a wash, as both have such great options. The Southern Hemisphere certainly stands out in the locks and back-rows. A potential combination of Etzebeth, Retallick, du Toit, Savea, and Hooper would be one of the best ever assembled. The North would have an advantage with a half back pairing of reigning world player of the year Antoine Dupont and Romain Ntamack. Yet the matchup in the centres and back three would easily have to go to the South as well. Barrett, Kolbe, Mapimpi, Am, the talent is endless. By my count, at least on paper, the advantage goes to the Southern Hemisphere. Too bad we will never get to see this matchup play out.

ANGELS, ALIENS, AND WWIII CRACKING THEE EGG ANNIE ZANDER It all began with a declassified:

The day after they sent the email.

“egg”

I was too late.

This word—this single, visceral, yellowing word. It gets my yolk. I tried to turn a blind eye to it. But I felt that it was the one thing, the only thing, I could not eggnore.

But I wasn’t a chicken. I realized, too late, that this operation was bigger than I had ever imagined. What started as the inquiry into a small annoyance had become a missing person’s case, perhaps even a murder.

The inveggstigation began in the declassifieds: “if you have any information on who started the submissions of “egg” declassified, or who keeps it going, please contact investigative journalists at crackingthemystery@gmail.com” However, it would not be that easy to crack this case. Dozens of messages flooded in. Many claimed to be the original submitter of the egg. Many messages just said egg. But nothing seemed like real evidence. The handwriting was different, the feel of the middle g in the word was off. The M.O. of the suspects interrogated just didn’t match up. It was clear that the Master Egger would not be caught that easily. We were scrambling for a clue. Then the email came in, buried beneath all of the others. “I have exclusive information on the perpetrator behind the egg declassifieds. Please email me back as soon as possible, I fear possessing such knowledge may have put my life in danger.” There was something in this message that I was drawn to. I instantly knew it was something worth eggvestigating further. Unfortunately, I was too late. There was no reply from the anonymous source. And I knew that I was dealing with something more dangerous than I had ever eggmagined. Luckily, I hadn’t been studying advanced computer science for four years for nothing. It was time to hatch a plan.

I followed the email. It was submitted anonymously, but I was able to trace it back to a single name, one [NAME REDACTED]. After a quick Google, I found that they had been missing since the 17th.

I had to cross the road to the other side. To get to the bottom of eggsactly what was going on. Much of the rest of my investigation is considered classified information by the Canadian Council for Animal Care (CCAC). However, I feel it is my duty to disclose what I can. The Eggers are eggssentially a cult. Once you start submitting “egg,” a type of thrall comes over you, and you cannot stop. Slowly, you are drawn into the circle of the Eggcelent Eggers, who all answer to the Mother Chicken. You become bound. They are your family, your coop. And it is supremely hard to eggscape. The anonymous user who contacted me was one of these Eggers, deep in the Coop, who had escaped, somehow. It is to my deepest regret to say that they have been reduced to mere coos of sound, only able to communicate in clucks and quacks. Unfortunately, the CCAC considers the Eggers to be preserving animal welfare—by promoting a chicken’s livelihood. Thus, by those legal means, they have allowed the perpetrators to go free. Well, all except the Mother Chicken. The original, the Master Egger. They have been hunted down, locked behind bars, and eggsecuted. And trust me, they will not be getting out for a long, long time. But please, for your own safety—as I may not survive beyond this publication— do not submit yourself to the thrall. Do not become part of the Coop, for once you do, you cannot get out. Please, do not fall into their trap. Stop submitting “egg.”

LORIN SCAIANO

The last decade was an intense one. From killer clowns in 2016 to Nelson Mandella’s death in 2013, and 2022’s prospect of a possible WWIII––we’ve been through the wringer. Everyone’s had enough, and wants the answer to one question: Why? “Well, it wasn’t my idea.” That’s one of the angels. The ones from heaven. We brought them into the studio earlier to ask some questions and figure out just what’s going on, as we couldn’t get God Himself. Interviewer: Thank you for joining us, Seraph. Angel: It’s my pleasure, really. Oh also, Do Not Be Afraid. Or something like that. I: So, we were hoping you could answer a question many of our viewers were having. What’s up with the past few years? Did we do something wrong? A: Oh yeah, I guess we have been a bit rough on you guys, but it’s not really our fault you know. I was taken aback by this. Surely it wasn’t our fault, as the humans on earth. How could we have caused this? A: It all started in 2012, or I guess more accurately it started four hundred years before that, somewhere in Mesoamerica. These people, you would call them Mayans now, made this fancy calendar, and it would last until December 21, 2012. God, or “Big G” as we like to call Them, looked at the calendar and decided it wasn’t a bad idea to end it then. I: Can we back up here for a sec? You’re saying that God Himself decided the end of the world based on something the Mayans made, and not from His own mind? A: Well Big G likes to say that since They made the Mayans, taking inspiration from Their own creation is really just taking inspiration from Themself. I: Sure, that makes sense. But the world didn’t end in 2012. So what went wrong? A: Crikey, you’re a bright one, ain’t ya. At this point, Seraph began speaking in an Australian accent for no clear reason. A: 2012 came around, and people got upset. They didn’t want the world to end, did they. People started praying. The first couple of prayers were easily ignored; we laugh off doomsdayers all the time. Then it amped up. They started coming in way too fast and way too much. Our spam filters couldn’t handle the number of people praying for the

world to not end. Finally, Big G had to step in and made an executive decision to keep the world spinning. I: So the world didn’t end in 2012, I see. How does that have anything to do with everything going wrong this decade? A: It’s embarrassing really, I don’t really know if I can say. I: Come on, you can tell me. I’m trustworthy, right? He looked at me with very knowing eyes before continuing. A: We ran out of years. I’m silent at this, as I genuinely have no idea what to say. How do you run out of years? A: We ran out of planned and prepared years. All used up. We improvised some decent years, with a couple of celebrity deaths and domestic terrorism. But we needed something new. A fresh intern had a suggestion. “Increase the clowns,” they said, because “Humans like clowns!” but boy were they wrong. That turned into a real disaster, as seen by every 2016 news channel everywhere. It kept going downhill. We were throwing in any years we could think of. You got your killer bees, crazy virus, alien cats, locked inside all year–– I: Sorry to cut you off, did you say alien cats? A: Yeah, the alien cats. That happened already, right? The Seraph checked a circular device I imagined to be the angel equivalent of a smartphone. A: Oh my God, I didn’t realize we hadn’t sent that year out yet. I’m so sorry. I: No it’s okay. So does that mean it’s happening sometime soon? A: Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it. Management isn’t the best in Heaven and there’s a good chance it just got forgotten about. I could see some of our crew getting worried and packing their bags. I knew many of them had cats at home, and I’m sure they were rushing to get on their good side, so I had to cut the interview short. I: Well, Seraph, it has been a pleasure. Thank you for answering our questions, I hope you have a lovely eternity. A: Thank you, I hope your eternity is nice as well. Although judging by your browsing history–– [the transcript cuts off]

QUIZ: IS HE A MAN AFTER GOD’S HEART OR IS GOD PREPARING YOUR HEART FOR SOMEONE ELSE? BAILEY FROESE

Statistics show that most of TWU’s student body is composed of good Christian girls who just want to find a husband and settle down. We here at Mars’ Hill like to appeal to the lowest common denominator, so we’re here to help you get closer to the destiny of all godly women, which, according to the Bible and your parents, is to marry a guy you met at your Christian school and bear his children. Forget the degree you’re working hard to earn and establish a career with: THIS is why you came to Trinity. Chances are you’ve got your sights on a candidate already, but is he THE ONE? The one who will lead you to the Holy Spirit, across the threshold of his parents’ basement, and to the minivan you’ll drive your four kids to school in? Whether you’ve just made eye contact in your first class together or you’re preparing for your first kiss at your post-exam-season wedding, here’s a quiz to determine if God says he’s worth it or not. 1. What is his major? A. HKIN with a minor in Human Services. He wants to become a missionary who teaches kids in thirdworld countries the love of Christ through volleyball. Isn’t that cute? B. Business, but I’m almost convinced it’s cryptocurrency because he talks about it so much. C. I think it’s Theatre? Weird, I thought Theatre majors didn’t exist. Or all died. Or something. D. His…his what? I know there’s a guy in here, but my head hurts so much and I can’t tell who he is. Where am I? 2. What does he do for fun? A. Sports, of course. He’s a Spartan through and through. In fact, he’s such a Spartan that I often hear him vowing to avenge King Menelaus after Paris of Troy stole his daughter. B. He’s always on his computer, reading articles or playing online games or scrolling through Reddit. I’m not sure if he’s having fun because he’s always scowling. C. He’s in 11:07. Need I say more? D. Well, right now he’s grabbing my hand and asking me if I can hear him. Not sure if he’s having fun because he seems to be sobbing. 3. How does he dress? A. Either head to toe TWU merch or head to toe Adidas. There’s no in-between. B. I don’t know. How do guys dress? Black and gray, hoodies and jeans? His aesthetic gives off an air of These are clothes that I put on this morning. C. His clothes are…unique, to say the least. He puts such an effort into dressing that I almost think he’s… you know. Also, he has pronouns in his Instagram bio. Should I be concerned? D. I don’t even know this guy’s name. I tried telling him that but he keeps pointing to a gold ring on his finger and saying Don’t you remember? Don’t you remember?

4. How does he style his hair? A. In a nice small bun with a beard. That’s how Jesus would style it, right? B. It’s short, I guess. It’s just kinda on his head. There might be gel in it. C. I’m worried it’s too long. Like, in a weird way. And he dyes it sometimes?! D. He’s pulling clumps of it out and crying after he showed me a picture of him and two kids that I didn’t know. Wait, was that me in the picture with them? 5. Have you been on a date yet? A. Yes, our first date. We walked around McMillan Lake after a romantic dinner in Fort Langley. On the next date, I think he’s going to propose!!! B. No, but we’ve texted back and forth a few times. He sent me some nice pictures of his face. And pictures of other parts. C. I just met him and I urgently need the answer to this quiz before I catch feelings and start picking our children’s names. I have to know that he’ll be my future husband before I start crushing on him!!! D. Does sitting in a hospital room with a guy you don’t know count as a date? 6. How is his walk with God going? A. Oh, he’s not just walking. He’s sprinting. Literally. He’s sprinting ahead of me on our McMillan Lake walk because he just realized he skipped leg day right before the next big game. B. His dad is a pastor. Does that count? C. Ugh, I don’t know. There’s a Bible verse in his bio and he attends a D-group, but he hangs out with gay people??? And watches weird movies??? Please help me out! D. He’s praying right now. And crying again. What is this guy’s problem?

DEAR MORAL KOALA... Dear Moral Koala,

Dear Balding Business Boomer,

You are hereby directed to

I am deeply sorrowed by the revelation you have led me towards. I, for nine (9) days straight, have been ripping the pages out of my Bible attempting to justify what I’ve done, but I can find no solace in the Word that once abided all of my God-guided answers to the masses.

CEASE AND DESIST ALL DEFAMATION OF [REDACTED]’S CHARACTER AND REPUTATION [REDACTED] is an educated, respected professional in the community. He has spent years serving the community in his profession and building a positive reputation. [REDACTED] has learned that you have, while using his likeness, engaged in spreading false, destructive, and defamatory rumours about him and his beliefs. Accordingly, we demand that you (A) immediately cease and desist your unlawful defamation of [REDACTED] and (B) provide us with prompt written assurance within ten (10) days that you will cease and desist from further defamation of [REDACTED]’s character and reputation. I recommend you consult with an attorney regarding this matter. If you or your attorney have any questions, please contact me directly.

Though part of me wants to fight it, and honour what the Lord says: “Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed” (Isaiah 56:1), no matter how I try to swing this into my favour, all I see is Him sitting me down in the world of slander I have lived in for too long. I am a fool, I have borne false witness, and I shall be destroyed. This is my last letter to the people, and I ask for your graceful forgiveness, as I beg on bended knees for Christ’s pardon. Peace be with you, I shall cease and desist. With equivocal virtue, Moral Koala

Sincerely, Balding Business Boomer

Results: If you answered… Mostly A’s: Yes!! This man is definitely a keeper. I suggest you take him up on his marriage proposal. Better hurry though, your biological clock is ticking. You’re already twenty years old, for goodness’ sake! Mostly B’s: Hmmm. I suggest you pray a little more about this one. He may grow spiritually in time, but God clearly has a few more kinks to work out with him. Mostly C’s: Stop right there!! Trinity Western University DOES NOT endorse this type of man. An Arts major AND ambiguously androgynous?! Are you out of your mind?! You’d better stifle those feelings, girl. What do you think this is, a Liberal Arts school? Mostly D’s: It seems as though you may already be married, but were involved in a terrible accident and are now suffering from amnesia. I’d say it’s still questionable whether this guy is the one for you or not, though. Keep praying! Disclaimer: Results do not substitute for Biblical consultation and intense prayer. Mars’ Hill does not claim any spiritual authority over romantic affairs whatsoever.

AMARIS HENRY

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