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the look of love
Karen Evans reveals how you can radiate The Look of Love by putting on spiritual garments of joy and peace!
the counterintuitive couple by Jimmy Evans spring
2007
myspace in marriage by Brenton Evans
marriage in America by Jimmy Evans
o u r
s e c r e t
p a r a d i s e
Is it possible to create a marriage that is secure, satisfying and passionate in the way God intended? The answer is “yes!” In Our Secret Paradise, couples can enjoy the journey of discovery that begins when two people say, “I do.” Through practical discussions and humorous illustrations of the ups and downs of marriage, relationship expert Jimmy Evans helps readers get on the path that leads to a strong and beautiful marriage relationship. Our Secret Paradise can be yours as you and your spouse learn: The secret to building a great marriage Seven keys to becoming best friends How to defeat the real enemy of marriage Four foundations for peace and intimacy The secret to sexual fulfillment
BK60 ......hardcover book..................$18.95 CD60......7 sessions on 6 CDs ...........$35.95 DVD60 ....7 sessions on 3 DVDs..........$59.95
welcome
dear friend, Welcome to the second edition of MarriageToday Magazine. We have some great articles and important information for you to enjoy. Our prayer is that this magazine will encourage and equip you to succeed in marriage. As I write this, I’m remembering back to when this ministry began fourteen years ago. Not only did we not have a magazine, but we only had one book to offer. It was my first book, Marriage on the Rock. We didn’t have any CDs or DVDs (only cassettes and VHS tapes were available back then) or any other resources. Today we have more than one hundred marriage-building resources to offer—including our new magazine. This is a
We want people to know how much God loves them and that He has the power to heal and fulfill their hearts’ desires. dream come true for us. From the beginning, our passion has been to help people succeed in marriage. Since marriage is such a multi-dimensional relationship, it is impossible for one resource to meet every need. Last year we began planning and designing the MarriageToday Magazine. We believe it gives us the ability to say things that are more specific, personal and timely than other mediums. One reason I love this magazine is because it gives you an opportunity to hear from Karen. She is one of the best writers I’ve ever read. (Yes, I’m prejudiced—but it’s true.) You will love her article titled “The Look of Love” that is featured in this issue. I also like having the opportunity to share thoughts in this forum that I don’t share anywhere else. My article “The Counterintuitive Couple” is something I’ve wanted to say for a long time. I believe you will enjoy it. In addition, our family, staff and marriage experts from around the country will be sharing insights and truths in this and future issues. I am thankful for how God has blessed us for the past fourteen years. When I look back at how we began with just
one book, it makes me even more grateful for where we are today. As you hold this magazine, I just want you to know what a blessing it is for us to be able to send it to you. We hope it is just as much a blessing for you to receive it and read it. We still have many more dreams we hope to see fulfilled in the future. We will not be satisfied until everyone has had the opportunity to hear the message of God’s plan for success in marriage. Many people today are hurting from marriage and family problems. Millions have given up on marriage completely. They have chosen not to marry at all or decided to cohabit without making it formal. We want people to know how much God loves them and that He has the power to heal and fulfill their hearts’ desires. Marriage is wonderful when you do it God’s way! However, it still can be challenging, and having a successful relationship takes a lot of encouragement and instruction. That is why we are here. We pray you enjoy this issue of the MarriageToday Magazine. Also, remember that you can go to our website at marriagetoday.org to watch our television programs 24/7, read helpful articles, as well as order resources online. God Bless You,
Jimmy Evans
Copyright ©2007 by MarriageToday™ All rights reserved. Reproduction without permission is prohibited. Printed in the USA.
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the look of love Fashion or what we wear has always been an important aspect of life. Since the Fall of Mankind in the Garden of Eden, we have been very creative in the process, designing everything from fig leaves to what we see now in the twenty-first century.
by Karen Evans
Clothes can have a way of speaking to us about the person wearing them. For instance, I can remember in detail what Jimmy was wearing 36 years ago the first time I actually noticed him. There was an attraction I felt as I walked up the hallway toward him. Known as one of the cool guys, Jimmy was the “James Dean type.” He was leaning against the door frame of his next class while some cute girl was flirting with him as he glanced my way. I didn’t sense that he even saw me, but I noticed him. My first impression of him had to do with what he was wearing. He had on slender jeans (he was tall and very thin) and a beautiful colored, striped shirt, and he wore cool “desert boots” on his feet. It’s funny that, in thinking back to that first attraction, what he wore and how he carried himself made such an impression on me. I believe we all could agree that how a person dresses is part of how we judge, accept, or remember him or her. Clothing is part of our first impression. And, clothing is also a part of Scripture. In Colossians 3, the Apostle Paul tells us how to dress in a spiritual way to make an impression on others. He tells us to “put on” tender mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, longsuffering and forgiveness. Over this, we are to put on love, unity, peace and thankfulness. Wow! That is a lot of clothing and accessories. When I read this Scripture it seemed unreal or odd to me. One day, I asked the Lord, “How does a person wear all that nice stuff?” He then reminded me about the kind of attraction I had to Jimmy in the school hallway compared to the attraction I have to him today. Ahhh! As a woman I can appreciate fine, beautiful clothes (even though I hate to shop). But the true attraction people feel for others is beyond the clothing; it is sensing what comes from the heart. I can honestly say that is what kept me in relationship with Jimmy during our turbulent dating years. Occasionally, I would get a glimpse of his heart, his true character. I would see what he was really wearing. To this day I am most attracted to Jimmy when he is wearing mercy, patience, humility, peace, etc. To me that is the “Look of Love.”
Now if I am attracted to him that way—how do I attract him? Do I wear doubt, mistrust, fear, anger, resentment, bitterness, pride, stress, worry, or nagging? I confess to you that many times I have grabbed the garments of complaint instead of praise and thankfulness. In times of self-pity or insecurity, I have wrapped myself in fear instead of love. My head has been adorned with worry and anxiety. My feet have been shod with stress instead of peace. Wives, we should be setting the standard of fashion for our husbands. I desire to be a wife who gives the true “Look of Love,” don’t you? My point is that the Bible tells us to put on and wear these garments, so it’s important that we do that. Colossians 3:18 goes on to tell wives to submit or adapt to their husbands as is “fitting” for those who belong to Christ, to “put on” submission or subjection. It is what shows that we not only are honoring the Word, or Christ, but also our husbands. First Peter 3:3 says we are not to be concerned with outward beauty; we are to focus on having beauty from within—a gentle, quiet, peaceable spirit. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were naked, but didn’t know it. They wore the Glory of God. Clothing as we know it was not part of who they were. And, when Eve disobeyed the Word of God, or became deceived, she was clothed with shame.
heavenly clothing Today, the Good News of fashion is that as believers in Christ, we wear or represent Him. Romans 13:14 tells us to clothe ourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ and to make no provision for the flesh. Sin, shame, hurt, fear and pride have been defeated through the blood of Jesus. Now we are free to wear our heavenly clothes. »
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the look of love
What comes from the heart should be our monitor of relating to each other. The choice is ours. Colossians 3:8 tells us to take off, or rid ourselves, of anger and bad feelings. Do we go with the Word and choose to wear love, mercy, and forgiveness? Or do we wear rags of unrighteousness? As I studied what the Bible had to say about clothing, I was amazed to find it is emphasized throughout Scripture. Let’s look at several examples: Isaiah 61
talks about all that Jesus did for us when He died on the cross. Here we read that not only did He heal the brokenhearted and set the captives free, but He also has provided us with the garment of praise, instead of a heavy, burdened and failing spirit. Notice the word “spirit.” That word tells us that what is within us must be healed and changed, and then we choose to put on a new garment— the garment of praise instead of depression. Ephesians 6:10–20 tells us that in times of prayer we
are to wear our war clothes: the breastplate of righteousness, shoes of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. Proverbs 3
instructs us to put truth and kindness around our necks. And, we are told to guard our hearts because the heart is who we are.
tak i ng a war d r o b e i nv ento r y Now, let me come back to everyday, practical living. As women, we are most attracted to character. What comes from the heart should be our monitor of relating to each other. It is what we are “wearing.” You can’t fake what is in your heart for very long. Once you open your mouth, your heart will reveal everything behind the clothing or garments that you chose to put on. Imagine your husband discussing you with someone else. Would he say, “My honey is wearing the most beautiful garment of love; her hat is so peaceful; her neck has the most fabulous scarf of kindness and truth”?
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Or would we hear, “She wears a cloak of quick temper, the overcoat of unforgiveness”? Husband, how would your wife describe what you put on? Do you wear the shirt of tender mercy or the pants of pride? The Bible states that beauty and flesh are fleeting, here today and gone tomorrow, always changing. But the Word is the same. It is steadfast; it never changes. Those who wear it become more and more beautiful. We actually are becoming the Bride of Christ—adorned without spot or wrinkle (Ephesians 5:27). What are we becoming? Is it time to take an inventory of our wardrobe? What are we representing? What first impression are we giving? I know that as I have studied the Word and put my faith in Christ and what He does for me and through me, His Spirit begins to cause the seed of His Word in my heart to grow and produce fruit. That fruit is what becomes evident and reveals who I really am. I am challenged every day to make a choice about what I put on. My desire is to put on the “Look of Love” that brings honor to Jimmy. My heart is to honor him with kindness, patience, forgiveness, mercy; to be a confident woman who trusts and does not respond in fear. The Word tells me that men are the glory of Christ and women are the glory of their husbands. My goal is to wear the garments or wardrobe described in Colossians 3, to choose that necklace of kindness, and to honor Jimmy with words of faith and trust instead of fears and lies. As I close, I want to encourage you to join me in considering our clothes closets. Let’s begin by going to our prayer closets and asking the Lord to forgive us for putting on behavior that is not heavenly. Then let’s commit to put on the spiritual wardrobe that reflects the joy and peace that Jesus Christ provides us every day. When we do this, we will radiate the “Look of Love” that others will find irresistible.
Get the Pr oven M arriage Resour ce That has Helped Countless Couples In an age of disposable marriages and information overload, where can couples turn for real answers that will make relationships work? Only to the author and creator of marriage—our Heavenly Father.
And, these Marriage on the Rock products will help you establish your marriage firmly and securely on His powerful principles. The multi-purpose resource kit can turn hurting and even divorce-bound marriages into the satisfying relationships God intended them to be. The Marriage on the Rock series helps guide and prepare people for the most crucial relationships in life. This resource is perfect for individual study, pre-marriage or couples counseling, small group discipleship, or church-wide marriage seminars.
I N C L U D E D I N T H I S K I T: • Five 80-minute DVDs: Teachings taken from actual seminars with two sessions on each DVD • Couple’s Discussion Guide: Draws couples into daily conversation based on the Marriage on the Rock teachings. For use in conjunction with the DVD series • Best-selling Marriage on the Rock book • Small Group Workbook with Leader's Notes: Designed for small group teaching and interaction based on the Marriage on the Rock book • Bonus MP3: Contains teachings from seminars by Jimmy Evans • 25 Vow Keeper Commitment Cards: Certificates designed as a covenant recommitment between a husband and wife • Two Seminar Posters: Advertise for upcoming Marriage on the Rock seminars
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also sold separately: paperback book BK01.........................$14.95
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couples discussion guide WB01 .......................$14.95 (companion to DVD series)
small group workbook SGWB01 ..................$14.95 (companion to paperback book)
THE
COUNTERINTUITIV
COUPLE
If you’re familiar with computers, you know the difference between hardware and software. Both are needed to have a functioning computer. The hardware is the fixed machinery and the software is the programmed data. When God created mankind, He created us with an amazing computer in our minds. Just like a regular computer, it is made up of hardware and software. The hardware is our physical brain and the software is the information and education we receive that guides our thinking. In the world of computers, your worst nightmare is a virus that infects the software and causes a computer to “crash.” When that happens, it doesn’t matter how good the hardware is—infected software renders the computer not only useless, but also dangerous. In the Garden of Eden, man was created with his brain properly programmed with God’s Word. The hardware and
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software were perfect until a virus infected the software. When Satan deceived Adam and Eve into rebelling against God and rejecting His Word, he introduced a virus into the software of mankind. That virus has been wreaking havoc ever since. Unfortunately, we’re all born with infected software. Fortunately, we’re also born with amazing hardware. Also, God has blessed us by giving us His Word to reprogram our software and remove all dangerous viruses. We are told by the Apostle Paul to avoid being conformed to the infected thinking of the world and to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). And, Jesus told us to abide in His Word and we would know the truth and it would make us free (John 8:31). Jesus also said, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4, NKJV).
by Jimmy Evans
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ever y great marriage Exactly what makes a great marriage? Some couples seem to have it all: an intimate relationship, happy children and financial prosperity. Others are a train wreck! Have you ever wondered why certain marriages flourish, while others suffer tremendously? Take a moment and evaluate your own marriage. Would you say, “Well, we have a good marriage, but it’s not that great.” Might you admit, “We tolerate each other and stay together because of the kids.” Perhaps you would confess, “I think I married the wrong person!”
Well, regardless of the condition of your marriage today—it can become great! That’s right. The fact is, truly great marriages have a number of common characteristics. You can learn what these elements are, implement them in your relationship, and then you will be able to say with confidence, “We have a great marriage!” That’s what this teaching is all about: Establishing greatness in your marriage. Every great marriage has common elements, one of which is the realization that your marriage is not about you… and, it is not about your spouse… your marriage is all about God. In the Every Great Marriage teaching you’ll learn about that. You’ll also: • Learn about God’s pattern for your relationship so you and your spouse can be blessed in every area. • Find out that the way you relate to your spouse is indicative of the way you relate to God. • Become convinced that God indeed has a purpose and a plan for your marriage—a plan you’ll love! • Know that peace can rule and reign in your home as you and your spouse step into your specific God-given roles. As you implement these principles, you and your spouse can experience an intimate, heart-to-heart, spirit-to-spirit relationship. You too will be able to say with confidence, “Our marriage is truly great!”
Just for telling us about your great marriage… get a chance to win a $500 MarriageToday gift certificate!
Every Great Marriage
The Mountaintop of Marriage
CD series: 5 sessions on 5 CDs
journal
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Got a great husband? A terrific wife? A marriage that’s getting sweeter all the time? We want to hear about it! Go to MarriageToday.org to share the good news about your great marriage, and we’ll automatically enter you to win a MarriageToday gift certificate valued at $500.
Find out more and share your story online today at…
ma r r i a g eto d a y.o r g/wi n 5 0 0
testimonies
you make what a difference
when you invest in the extraordinary work of MarriageToday. Thanks to the vital support of friends like you, MarriageToday is reaching, stretching, and growing to meet the tremendous needs of this generation of couples. These testimonies are truly just a drop in the bucket of all God is doing through MarriageToday across America. And if you are currently working to restore a damaged marriage, please take encouragement and hope from these reports. Here is evidence that these principles work and that God is still in the marriage-healing business!
Perfect Timing!
Explosive Relationship Restored
I can honestly say God’s timing is perfect. I received a copy of “Marriage On The Rock” at a time that my marriage was near the end. After listening to your resources, my wife and I realized what was missing in our marriage and why we were having problems. You have been not only a blessing from the Lord but a daily affirmation that there is still a reason and purpose for dedicating ourselves to our family.
Your online videos, prayers, conferences and books have helped restore our marriage! Back in April, my husband and I had a very explosive night. I filed charges against him and stayed at a friend’s house. During that time of separation, we went through your “Marriage on the Rock” study book and began going to counseling. Within a month, we were back together and on our way to a better, more fulfilling marriage. Your books and counseling revealed that our main problem was a lack of communication. Karen, I love how you said it, “It is hard to love and honor a husband who does not respect you back.” Thank you again for your ministry and everything you do.
—John, Arkansas
—Natalie, Texas
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Note: Your gifts to MarriageToday enable us to continue extending help and hope to you and to couples across North America. We can’t do it without you. Please use the attached envelope to invest in changed lives and to plant a seed for relational restoration in your own life. What a difference you can make!
From Africa to Colorado to Dallas
Hope and Healing Found in “Our Secret Paradise” I discovered the “Our Secret Paradise” book a couple of weeks ago at a Bible bookstore. I finished it in one day and immediately sent it to my daughter with a heartfelt letter asking her to prayerfully read it and consider how this information could help her in her troubled marriage. The next day she called to say she had spent the entire night reading the book and was immediately convicted of her need to accept responsibility for her role in their dysfunctional relationship. Thanks to the candid advice in the book, she now has a “plan of action” and renewed hope that her marriage can be healed. I am in the process of ordering a case of these books to use in our marriage ministry. This material will be instrumental in helping us offer concrete steps to couples who truly want to not only heal their marriage, but to experience a joy they never dreamed possible! —Sherri, California
Thank you for obeying God’s call on your lives to help save marriages! Two years ago my mother-in-law sent my husband and me the “Marriage on the Rock”CD set. She is a missionary in Africa, and she was introduced to your ministry by fellow missionary partners. It is incredible and has helped strengthen our marriage. We attend a Marriage Bible Study and we have gone through many different curriculums, but none touched us in the practical way that “Marriage on the Rock”did. Our goal is to pass on these principles to everyone we know. Our church purchased the video curriculum kit and so far we have had four groups complete the series. Everyone loves this resource because it is funny, biblical and relevant to everyday life. We also use your series to help couples in crisis and couples in pre-marriage counseling. Our Bible study group recently decided to go through “Freedom From Your Past” as well. Many individuals discovered unforgiveness and hurts they had not released to the Lord. This was such a wonderful book that I decided to send it to my sister in Dallas who is not a Christian. It touched her heart, and she experienced forgiveness and love that can only come from the Lord! I also told her about Gateway Church in Southlake and she agreed to visit because she was moved by your teachings and it had opened the door for her salvation. She loved Gateway and felt the Spirit of God touch her heart. She and her husband were both saved and baptized at Gateway! From Africa to Colorado to Dallas, we have experienced the blessings of God through your teachings. Thank you for your continued passion and commitment.
Fanning the Flame of Intimacy We were at a point in our marriage where my wife was contemplating leaving. We both felt like we had married the wrong person. But, your intimacy and passion series helped us fall in love with each other again! Our eyes were opened to the different needs of men and women. This is something we need to teach our kids. —Al, Virginia
Defeating Divorce I ordered the audio series “Our Secret Paradise” for our son and daughter-in-law who were in the process of divorce. I'm happy to report that they are now remarried and seem to be working out their problems. How we praise God! —Frances, Arkansas
180 Degrees in 30 Days My wife and I have been in counseling through your “Marriage on the Rock” series. We were separated when God began to deal with us. We believe God did a miracle in our lives as He brought us 180 degrees in 30 days. We are closer to each other now than we ever were in our 30 years of marriage. God really worked with us and showed us, through your ministry, how to live a life for Him as one. God has shown us through your CD's how we should live as a married couple. We thank you and hope God continues to bless your ministry as well as our newfound love for each other. —Louis, Massachusetts _________________________________________________________________
Some of the above testimonies have been edited for length, punctuation, grammar or clarity of meaning.
—Brandy, Colorado
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by Brenton Evans
Naptime means time for Nikki to interact with friends. Once she puts the kids down, Nikki makes her way to the family computer where she pulls up her MySpace page.
myspace The young mom lives outside a small West Texas town with her husband, Casey, who is a cattle rancher. She describes their acreage as a “little patch of heaven.” Living in the country, however, sometimes means little social interaction. What’s more, Nikki and Casey, who struggled early in their marriage, have a passion to help others discover solutions to marital problems. They found hope—and eventually healing—when a friend told Nikki about MarriageToday.org. Now the couple desires to tell everyone they know about the resources of MarriageToday. But how do you do that when you live miles from the nearest speck of a town? Their answer—MySpace.com. social networking MySpace is what is referred to as a social networking site. There are others out there—Facebook, Friendster and Xanga to name a few—but with over 200 million users and roughly 230,000 new sign-ups every day, MySpace accounts for more than 82 percent of the web traffic in this market. But, exactly who uses MySpace.com? Well, given the statistics just mentioned, chances are either you or someone you know has a MySpace page. According to research, most MySpace users are teens and twenty-somethings. That statistic is rapidly changing however. The research firm comScore lists 87 percent of users as 18 years old or older, and 52 percent as 35 years old and older.
illlustration by csjennings.com
That means, increasingly, more moms and dads are sharing online space with the kiddos. knowing the benefits Hands down, the number one reason people use MySpace is to interact and socialize. No longer do you have to wait until your ten-year, high-school reunion to find out who has nine kids and a bald spot. Armed with the MySpace search button, a user can turn the website into a networking playground, instantly finding past, current and new friends—all with the click of a mouse. Teens particularly like MySpace because they get to carve out a little bit of online real estate and use it to stay hip with fellow classmates. Singles enjoy MySpace because it gives them opportunities to interact with past and present chums, as well as meet new people with similar interests. When it comes to married couples, however, MySpace is a bit more complex. Social networking sites are generally geared for individual expression, so very rarely does a couple share a single account. Usually each spouse has his or her own page which links to the other spouse’s individual page. But, not always. The truth is many spouses aren’t even aware their other half is using MySpace.com. »
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…MySpace.com is a phenomenal way to interact and socialize, but precautions must be taken—especially when kids are involved.
realizing the dangers That brings up this crucial point: if you are married and you or your spouse is on a social networking site, or your kids are on one, please, please, please make sure you always err on the side of caution. Studies show that people typically lower their guards and inhibitions while online. For example, we don’t walk outside our front doors and find naked people in lewd positions on our sidewalks, but online, it only takes a couple of clicks to see such filth. Vulgarity is extremely prevalent on the internet. There is no forewarning when these things pop up on our screens—and absolutely no censors. Paul instructs us in Romans 13:14 to “make no provision for the flesh, to obey it in its lust.” I am convinced that if we aimlessly begin trolling around on sites such as MySpace.com, we will be making provision for our flesh. Wives may find it tempting to make online relationships—especially when it comes to interacting with other men.
Husbands may be tempted to look at inappropriate pictures and videos, and to visit chat rooms which prey on one of a man’s main weaknesses—lust. When we don’t have a guarded purpose for being online and are just clicking around, we easily can make provision for our flesh. So, while online we must have a plan and stick to it. If something vulgar comes up on the screen, it’s important to look away immediately and click out of that page. One more note to couples. Anonymity becomes a powerful force online. Words and gestures that someone would never exhibit in public suddenly become OK online. I have been shocked numerous times as I’ve gone to a friend’s MySpace page and seen crude and distasteful things. These are people who profess to be believers, but they somehow think their online world is different from their offline world. I’m not implying a person should or shouldn’t be on MySpace.com, nor am I advocating for or against the site. This
article is merely meant to help couples and parents understand a little more about social networking websites and stress the accountability that’s necessary. staying informed Knowing what your kids are doing online is important. Make sure they give you all links and passwords to their accounts. Also, as much as possible, husbands and wives should participate in online activities together. While realistically this isn’t always possible, it is always possible for couples to be open with each other about their online use. Simply put, MySpace.com is a phenomenal way to interact and socialize, but precautions must be taken— especially when kids are involved. And, don’t forget how Nikki and Casey are using MySpace to transform marriages. There may be a similar ministry opportunity out there waiting for you.
N E W P O D C A S T I N G // M a r r i a g e To d a y b r o a d c a s t
hectic life. simple solution. Important things can slip when your life is busy. So, perhaps you are looking to simplify without sacrificing what’s important. And, one of the most essential things in life is staying spiritually strong. That’s why delivering encouraging teaching whenever and wherever you have time is needed… All it takes is an MP3 player or an iPod to enjoy the podcast in audio or video format. To get started, visit marriagetoday.org/podcasting
Three remarkable marriage organizations. One powerful resource for couples.
1 Jimmy & Karen Evans of MarriageToday 2 Jeff & Debby McElroy, founders of Forever Families 3 PREPARE/ENRICH—highly regarded research and assessment tools from Life Innovation, Inc. Three of the nation’s most innovative and respected marriage-strengthening organizations have come together to build the ultimate resource for helping “nearlywed” and newlywed couples start and stay strong in marriage. We call it…PREPARE To Last.
Considering marriage? Ask these questions (and more)… Does your fiancé(e) communicate honestly with you?
Do you have differences in your religious beliefs?
How many children do you want to have?
What is your greatest fear about getting married?
Who will be the “breadwinner”?
How do you resolve arguments or disagreements?
Who will pay the bills and maintain the budget?
How will your fiancé(e)’s past family issues affect your marriage?
For the complete Marriage Expectations Questionnaire visit www.marriagetoday.org/MEQ
don’t underestimate small beginnings In the fall of 1987, my two best friends from college and I started an investment club. We formed a partnership, opened a savings account and each committed to contribute $50 every month. Three months later, our partnership received its first annual statement: we had earned a whopping $3.96. We sarcastically speculated about whether or not a reporter from The Wall Street Journal would seek us out to learn the secret of our investing prowess!
Well, even though we had a small, even laughable, beginning, the investment club has achieved some real success over the years. We’ve made numerous adjustments related to contribution amounts, investments and strategies. One constant, however, has remained—the partners always have made a monthly financial contribution. And, over the years, my wife, Elaine, and I have received several distributions from this partnership. Our share of the current value is enough to pay the cost of a college education at a public university for one of our children. A partnership that had such a small beginning has grown into something of economic significance.
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In the world of billion dollar mergers, saving $25 a month may seem inconsequential, but the effectiveness of saving is not determined by the size of the “gathering.”
by Tracy Hays
When God We Trust by Tracy and Elaine Hays
“Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow” (Proverbs 13:11 NIV).
Financial Stability for a Lifetime If the most pressing financial decision you are facing today is which yacht to buy, then this book isn’t for you. But if you’re juggling decisions about saving for the future or spending for the needs and wants of the moment, then read When God We Trust! Among other things, you’ll learn: • How to set and achieve financial goals • A simplified budgeting method • A biblical model for getting out of debt
What we’ve experienced is a principle God set forth long before our club came into existence, namely, the merits of consistently setting aside money. In the world of billion dollar mergers, saving $25 a month may seem inconsequential, but the effectiveness of saving is not determined by the size of the “gathering.” The issue isn’t the dollar amount. The key is embracing God’s advice to set aside a portion of our resources on a consistent basis. The Bible tells us, “Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow” (Proverbs 13:11 NIV). Saving is not a one-time action; rather, it’s a discipline to be practiced on an ongoing basis.
Tracy is a Certified Public Accountant and Elaine is a Certified Financial Planner. Together they have taught hundreds of couples the keys to trusting God with their finances. ................................................................
“Giving and stewardship are the two legs that God’s blessing walk on. I am so excited that Tracy and Elaine have drawn from their years of professional and life experiences to present biblical principles on finances in a sound, practical manner...” Robert Morris, Senior Pastor Gateway Church, Southlake, Texas
Often people don’t save because they are: • • • •
too busy spending. waiting for a better time. confused about the true meaning of saving. want it all—NOW.
Some of these reasons may sound familiar to you. In our newly released book, When God We Trust, Elaine and I address these issues (and many others). We help you understand how to start saving even though your finances may be stretched to the limit, when and how to save, the many benefits of saving, and much more. By knowing God’s principles for managing your finances, you can begin making sound financial decisions. When God We Trust | OV42 ........$14.95
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by Jimmy Evans
Marriage in America
Seven Powerful Reasons to Fight for Marriage The social, economic, and human costs of divorce are staggering. Just how high are those costs? The Washington D.C.-based Heritage Foundation has been doing our nation an important service by compiling statistics and study results in an effort to answer that question (see www.familyfacts.org). The following are seven recent findings about the benefits of marriage reported by the Heritage Foundation:
1 Children raised in intact families have, on averag e, higher academic achievement, better emotional health, and fewer behavioral problems. When compared with their peers from families with two biological parents, students who lived with neither biological parent scored lower with regard to academic performance, educational aspiration, a sense of self-determination, and self-esteem, and they exhibited more behavioral problems. 2 Fathers in households with both biological parents reported spending more time with their children and enjoying greater family cohesion than fathers of households with adopted children or stepchildren. 3 The study found that frequent family dinners were associated with lower rates of teen smoking, drinking, and drug use. Compared with teens who had dinner with their families five nights or more per week, those who had dinner with their families only two nights per week or less were twice as likely to be involved in substance abuse, 2.5 times as likely to smoke cigarettes, more than 1.5 times as likely to drink alcohol, and nearly three times as likely to try marijuana.
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4 Adolescents from intact families are less likely to become sexually active. Among a sample of adolescent virgins, those living with two married parents were roughly 40% less likely to engage in sexual activity before the follow-up interview approximately a year later when compared to adolescents that were not living with two married parents. 5 Children raised in intact families are more likely to have healthy romantic relationships as adults. Compared with peers who were raised in a home with married parents, males whose parents never married were significantly less likely to marry and were more likely to cheat and walk out on their romantic partners. Women with divorced parents had significantly higher rates of cohabitation and marriage but also had higher rates of dysfunction, such as walking out on their partner and divorce.
Your ongoing support of MarriageToday makes you a part of helping families experience all these blessings and benefits through staying together and growing stronger. You can share a gift of support by using the attached envelope or by going online at www.marriagetoday.org.
6 Children raised in intact families by happily married parents tend to be more spiritual in adulthood. This “religiosity inheritance” was even greater among children who were raised in families with two happily married biological parents. Religiosity in this study was determined with regard to six measures: daily influence of religious beliefs; frequency of reading the Bible; frequency of viewing/listening to religious broadcasts; frequency of engaging in prayer; frequency of participation in church-related activities (other than services); and frequency of church attendance. 7 Intact families are more likely to provide a safe home for children. While 9.9 percent of teens not living with both biological parents reported they had witnessed violence in their homes, only 4.4 percent of teens living with both biological parents reported they had.
e d i t o r ’s n o t e : This regular feature brings you the “big picture” regarding trends and movements impacting the vital institution of marriage in our nation. Of course, statistics like those cited above are drawn from secular society and don’t take into account the redemptive power available to God’s people. If you have been through a divorce or are from a divorced home, you are well-acquainted with the suffering it creates. God’s grace, however, is sufficient for every situation. Remember, Jesus is the Redeemer—He is able to rebuild, restore and renew the lives of His children (Is. 61).
your family has a great future!
Come join the ranks of MarriageToday’s Rock Solid Partners! In today’s stormy cultural climate, strong marriages don’t happen by accident. That’s why strengthening families with transforming biblical truths and God’s power is at the core of MarriageToday’s mission. Families such as yours. Families like those on your street. And, Rock Solid Partners have joined ranks with MarriageToday to bring hope, healing and wisdom to you and your neighbors every day. That’s why… Every month, because they understand the power and importance of sharing the material blessings God has given them, our Rock Solid Partners support MarriageToday. Monthly, you will receive the Rock Solid Marriage Subscription created exclusively for Rock Solid Partners! An insightful and encouraging CD along with notes and inserts are included in this resource to help keep your marriage healthy and blessed. Daily, as a Rock Solid Partner, you are helping us keep marriagestrengthening ministry flowing to you and your neighbors. You are helping families across the nation! And, we would like to invite you to join ranks with us and help us establish, strengthen, save, and restore family and marriage relationships through a biblical message of healing, restoration, hope and encouragement. We believe that as you do, your marriage and family will be strengthened and blessed! For more information about becoming a Rock Solid Partner: visit our website at: marriagetoday.org call us toll free at: 1-800-380-6330 e-mail us at: rocksolidpartner@marriagetoday.org Together with our Rock Solid Partners we are changing the nation one family at a time!
Become a Rock Solid Partner and receive these special gifts along with your first monthly issue: • Twelve Tips to Resolving Stress in Your Marriage book
• RSP Pen & Notepad with marriage enrichment tips
• The Blessed Marriage 5-CD audio series
• His & Hers Bible Bookmarks with scriptures to pray over your spouse.
Having fun together is an important part of your relationship as a couple. “Fun” can help you stay connected, make memories together, and even fall in love all over again. Realizing that time is a precious commodity for most people—schedules are hectic and families scatter in different directions—having successful dates can take some effort. To help you get the most out of your time together, the MarriageToday staff has compiled the following Date Night Tips as well as a list of Dating Dangers to Avoid.
date night tips 1
Plan, Plan, Plan! Decide in advance what you are going to do. If needed, schedule a baby sitter, make reservations, etc. Preparation time is never wasted time. Your effort lets your date know that he or she is valuable and that you are excited about having time together.
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See a play. Go to a live concert. Visit an exhibit at an art gallery or museum. Leave the kids overnight with family or friends so the two of you can stay home, rent movies and cozy up on the sofa with a pizza.
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Go for a long walk, hike or bike ride through the park. Getting exercise and enjoying the sunshine with someone you love makes for a great date. Take a picnic along and relax in the shade at the end of the day. Act like a kid again! Visit an amusement park, fairgrounds or arcade. Ride the rides and play the games. Eat lots of cotton candy and other junk food all day. Try something new together. Take ballroom dancing classes, try spin-biking at the gym, play tennis, or take a cooking class.
Your date will love to be surprised! So keep the details a secret, but drop hints about the special time you are planning. Send e-mails with need-to-know specifics, leave voice mails building the anticipation, and send flowers or a special “daterelated gift” mid-week. Take time to prepare for your date. Look your best and wear your favorite perfume or aftershave. Be well-rested beforehand so you can be energetic and fun! Remember to do the little things. Men, open the car door for your date, hold hands and always give your date your undivided attention. Women, be respectful and appreciative of everything your date does for you throughout the evening. Make your date feel valued.
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And finally, a date of all dates. Plan for an extended time together and visit the place where you spent your honeymoon. Rest, relax and reconnect the way you did in the very first few days of your marriage.
dating dangers to avoid Don’t bring up “touchy” subjects or use date time as a time to problem solve. Avoid negative conversation or talking about subjects that cause disagreements. Make your date night a time to escape from stress, work, the children and dayto-day hassles. Make the most of your time together by avoiding distractions. Leave cell phones, iPods, pagers, laptops, etc. turned off so you can focus totally on your date. Make sure you have the finances you need to pay for the date night you plan. Dinner at a four-star restaurant is nice occasionally, but don’t “break the bank” each date. With just a little creativity, you can have lots of inexpensive fun! Keeping your word is important. Don’t back out or cancel a date unless it is absolutely necessary. Make spending that time together a major priority, and your date will know how much he or she is valued.
seminar schedule
What would you say about the condition of your marriage? Would you say,“ We’re making it, but it’s a real struggle”? Perhaps you would confess, “I think I married the wrong person!” Maybe you would say,“ We have a pretty good marriage, but we want it to be the best it can be!” Well, regardless of the present condition of your marriage…
Your family has a great future! Join Jimmy Evans and make a difference in your marriage!
seminars
February 9–10, 2007 Gateway Church Southlake, Texas
From the moment you walk through the doors of a MarriageToday meeting or seminar,
April 13–14, 2007
ministry begins. In an atmosphere rich in the presence and power of God, relationships
Resurrection Life Church Grandville, Michigan
are restored and marriages are healed. As you listen to the message, you will be drawn back—back to your first love for God and each other. And, you will walk away—armed with the truth of God’s Word, and
July 27–28, 2007 Covenant Church Carrollton, Texas
the practical knowledge you need to continue to grow and be blessed in your family and marriage. Make plans now to join Jimmy Evans at an upcoming meeting or seminar. Invest some
November 2–3, 2007 Trinity Fellowship Church Amarillo, Texas
time in cultivating your relationship. Learn how to create a rewarding marriage and satisfying relationship.
For more meeting information and to register for upcoming seminars, visit our website at marriagetoday.org, or call 1.866.800.3244. Schedule subject to change.
Invite Jimmy and Karen into your living room.
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