TheGreatDivorce
ISEEMEDtobestandinginabusqueuebythesideofalong,meanstreet.Eveningwasjust closinginanditwasraining.Ihadbeenwanderingforhoursinsimilarmeanstreets,alwaysinthe rainandalwaysineveningtwilight.Timeseemedtohavepausedonthatdismalmomentwhen onlyafewshopshavelitupanditisnotyetdarkenoughfortheirwindowstolookcheering.And justastheeveningneveradvancedtonight,somywalkinghadneverbroughtmetothebetterparts ofthetown.HoweverfarIwentIfoundonlydingylodginghouses,smalltobacconists,hoardings fromwhichpostershunginrags,windowlesswarehouses,goodsstationswithouttrains,and bookshopsofthesortthatsell TheWorksofAristotle. Inevermetanyone.Butforthelittlecrowd atthebusstop,thewholetownseemedtobeempty.IthinkthatwaswhyIattachedmyselftothe queue.
Ihadastrokeofluckrightaway,forjustasItookmystandalittlewaspishwomanwhowould havebeenaheadofmesnappedoutatamanwhoseemedtobewithher,"Verywell,then.Iwon't goatall.Sothere,"andleftthequeue."Praydon'timagine,"saidtheman,inaverydignifiedvoice, "thatIcareaboutgoingintheleast.Ihaveonlybeentryingtopleaseyou,forpeacesake.Myown feelingsareofcourseamatterofnoimportance.Iquiteunderstandthat"-andsuitingtheactionto thewordhealsowalkedaway."Come,"thoughtI,"that'stwoplacesgained."Iwasnownexttoa veryshortmanwithascowlwhoglancedatmewithanexpressionofextremedisfavourand observed,ratherunnecessarilyloudly,tothemanbeyondhim,"Thissortofthingreallymakesone thinktwiceaboutgoingatall.""Whatsortofthing?"growledtheother,abigbeefyperson."Well," saidtheShortMan,"thisishardlythesortofsocietyI'musedtoasamatteroffact.""Huh!"said theBigMan:andthenaddedwithaglanceatme,"Don'tyoustandanysaucefromhim,Mister. You'renotafraidofhim,areyou?"Then,seeingImadenomove,heroundedsuddenlyonthe ShortManandsaid,"Notgoodenoughforyou,aren'twe?Likeyourlip."Nextmomenthehad fetchedtheShortManoneonthesideofthefacethatsenthimsprawlingintothegutter."Lethim lay,lethimlay,"saidtheBigMantono-oneinparticular."I'maplainmanthat'swhatIamandI gottohavemyrightssameasanyoneelse,see?"AstheShortManshowednodispositiontorejoin
1.
thequeueandsoon beganlimpingaway,Iclosedup,rathercautiously,behindtheBigManand congratulatedmyselfonhavinggainedyetanotherstep.Amomentlatertwoyoungpeopleinfront ofhimalsoleftusarminarm.Theywerebothsotrousered,slender,gigglyandfalsettothatIcould besureofthesexofneither,butitwasclearthateachforthemomentpreferredtheothertothe chanceofaplaceinthebus."Weshallneverallgetin,"saidafemalevoicewithawhineinitfrom somefourplacesaheadofme."Changeplaceswithyouforfivebob,lady,"saidsomeoneelse.I heardtheclinkofmoneyandthenascreaminthefemalevoice,mixedwithroarsoflaughterfrom therestofthecrowd.Thecheatedwomanleapedoutofherplacetoflyatthemanwhohadbilked her,buttheothersimmediatelyclosedupandflungherout....Sowhatwithonethingandanother thequeuehadreduceditselftomanageableproportionslongbeforethebusappeared.Itwasa wonderfulvehicle,blazingwithgoldenlight,heraldicallycoloured.TheDriverhimselfseemedfull oflightandheusedonlyonehandtodrivewith.Theotherhewavedbeforehisfaceasiftofan awaythegreasysteamoftherain.Agrowlwentupfromthequeueashecameinsight."Looksas ifhehadagoodtime ofit,eh?...Bloodypleasedwithhimself,Ibet....Mydear,whycan'the behavenaturally?-Thinkshimselftoogoodtolookatus....Whodoesheimagineheis?...Allthat gildingandpurple,Icallitawickedwaste.Whydon'ttheyspendsomeofthemoneyontheir housepropertydownhere?- God!I'dliketogivehimoneintheear-'ole."Icouldseenothinginthe countenanceoftheDrivertojustifyallthis,unlessitwerethathehadalookofauthorityand seemedintentoncarryingouthisjob.
Myfellowpassengersfoughtlikehenstogetonboardthebusthoughtherewasplentyofroomfor usall.Iwasthelasttogetin.ThebuswasonlyhalffullandIselectedaseatattheback,wellaway fromtheothers.Butatousle-headedyouthatonce cameandsatdownbesideme.Ashedidsowe movedoff.
"Ithoughtyouwouldn'tmindmytackingontoyou,"hesaid,"forI'venoticedthatyoufeeljustasI doaboutthepresentcompany.WhyonearththeyinsistoncomingIcan'timagine.Theywon'tlike itatallwhenwegetthere,andthey'dreallybemuchmorecomfortableathome.It'sdifferentfor youandme.""Dotheylikethisplace?"Iasked."Asmuchasthey'dlikeanything,"heanswered. "They'vegotcinemasandfishandchipshopsandadvertisementsandallthesortsofthingsthey want.Theappallinglackofanyintellectuallifedoesn'tworrythem.IrealisedassoonasIgothere thatthere'dbeensomemistake.IoughttohavetakenthefirstbusbutI'vefooledabouttryingto wakepeopleuphere.IfoundafewfellowsI'dknownbeforeandtriedtoformalittlecircle,but theyallseemtohavesunktotheleveloftheirsurroundings.EvenbeforewecamehereI'dhad somedoubtsaboutamanlikeCyrilBlellow.Ialwaysthoughthewasworkinginafalseidiom.But hewasatleastintelligent:onecouldgetsomecriticismworthhearingfromhim,evenifhewasa failureonthecreativeside.Butnowheseemstohavenothingleftbuthisself-conceit.Thelast timeItriedtoreadhimsomeofmyownstuff...butwaitaminute,I'djustlikeyoutolookatit."
Realisingwithashudderthatwhathewasproducingfromhispocketwasathickwadof typewrittenpaper,Imutteredsomethingaboutnothavingmyspectaclesandexclaimed,"Hullo! We'velefttheground."
Itwastrue.Severalhundredfeetbelowus,alreadyhalfhiddenintherainandmist,thewetroofsof thetownappeared,spreadingwithoutabreakasfarastheeyecouldreach.
IWASnotleftverylongatthemercyoftheTousle-HeadedPoet,becauseanotherpassenger interruptedourconversation:butbeforethathappenedIhadlearnedagooddealabouthim.He appearedtobeasingularlyill-usedman.Hisparentshadneverappreciatedhimandnoneofthe fiveschoolsatwhichhehadbeeneducatedseemedtohavemadeanyprovisionforatalentand temperamentsuchashis.Tomakemattersworsehehadbeenexactlythesortofboyinwhosecase theexaminationsystemworksoutwiththemaximumunfairnessandabsurdity.Itwasnotuntilhe reachedtheuniversitythathebegantorecognisethatalltheseinjusticesdidnotcomebychance butweretheinevitableresultsofoureconomicsystem.Capitalismdidnotmerelyenslavethe workers,italsovitiatedtasteandvulgarisedintellect:henceoureducationalsystemandhencethe lackof"Recognition"fornewgenius.ThisdiscoveryhadmadehimaCommunist.Butwhenthe warcamealongandhesawRussiainalliancewiththecapitalistgovernments,hehadfound himselfoncemoreisolated andhadtobecomeaconscientiousobjector.Theindignitieshesuffered atthisstageofhiscareerhad,heconfessed,embitteredhim.Hedecidedhecouldservethecause bestbygoingtoAmerica:butthenAmericacameintothewartoo.Itwasatthispointthathe suddenlysawSwedenasthehomeofareallynewandradicalart,butthevariousoppressorshad givenhimnofacilitiesforgoingtoSweden.Thereweremoneytroubles.Hisfather,whohadnever progressedbeyondthemostatrociousmentalcomplacencyandsmugnessoftheVictorianepoch, wasgivinghimaludicrouslyinadequateallowance.Andhehadbeenverybadlytreatedbyagirl too.Hehadthoughtherareallycivilisedandadultpersonality,andthenshehadunexpectedly revealedthatshewasa massofbourgeoisprejudicesandmonogamicinstincts.Jealousy, possessiveness,wasaqualityheparticularlydisliked.Shehadevenshownherself,attheend,tobe meanaboutmoney.Thatwasthelaststraw.Hehadjumpedunderatrain.... Igaveastart,buthetooknonotice.
Eventhen,hecontinued,illluckhadcontinuedtodoghim.He'dbeensenttothegreytown.Butof courseitwasamistake.Iwouldfind,heassuredme,thatalltheotherpassengerswouldbewithme onthereturnjourney.But hewouldnot.Hewasgoingtostay"there."Hefeltquitecertainthathe wasgoingwhere,atlast,hisfinelycriticalspiritwouldnolongerbeoutragedbyanuncongenial environment-wherehewouldfind"Recognition"and"Appreciation."Meanwhile,since Ihadn'tgot myglasses,hewouldreadmethepassageaboutwhichCyrilBlellowhadbeensoinsensitive....
Itwasjustthenthatwewereinterrupted.Oneofthequarrelswhichwereperpetuallysimmeringin thebushadboiledoverandforamomenttherewasastampede.Knivesweredrawn:pistolswere fired:butitallseemedstrangelyinnocuousandwhenitwasoverIfoundmyselfunharmed,though inadifferentseatandwithanewcompanion.Hewasanintelligent-lookingmanwitharather bulbousnoseandabowlerhat.Ilookedoutofthewindows.Wewerenowsohighthatallbelowus hadbecomefeatureless.Butfields,rivers,ormountainsIdidnotsee,andIgottheimpressionthat thegreytownstillfilledthewholefieldofvision.
"Itseemsthedeuceofatown,"Ivolunteered,"andthat'swhatIcan'tunderstand.Thepartsofit thatIsawweresoempty.Wasthereonceamuchlargerpopulation?"
"Notatall,"saidmyneighbour."Thetroubleisthatthey'resoquarrelsome.Assoonasanyone arriveshesettlesinsomestreet.Beforehe'sbeentheretwenty-fourhourshequarrelswithhis
2.
neighbour.Beforetheweekisoverhe'squarrelledsobadlythathedecidestomove.Verylikehe findsthenextstreetemptybecauseallthepeopletherehavequarrelledwiththeirneighbours-and moved.Sohesettlesin.Ifbyanychancethestreetisfull,hegoesfurther.Butevenifhestays,it makesnoodds.He'ssuretohaveanotherquarrelprettysoonandthenhe'llmoveonagain.Finally he'llmoverightouttotheedgeofthetownandbuildanewhouse.Yousee,it'seasyhere.You've onlygottothinkahouseandthereitis.That'showthetownkeepsongrowing.""Leavingmore andmoreemptystreets?""That'sright.Andtime'ssortofoddhere.Thatplacewherewecaughtthe busisthousandsofmilesfromtheCivicCentrewhereallthenewcomersarrivefromearth.Allthe peopleyou'vemetwerelivingnearthebusstop:butthey'dtakencenturies-ofourtime-togetthere, bygradualremovals."
"Andwhatabouttheearlierarrivals?Imean -theremustbepeoplewhocamefromearthtoyour townevenlongerago."
"That'sright.Thereare.They'vebeenmovingonandon.Gettingfurtherapart.They'resofaroffby nowthattheycouldneverthinkofcomingtothebusstopatall.Astronomicaldistances.There'sa bitofrisinggroundnearwhereIliveandachaphasatelescope.Youcanseethelightsofthe inhabitedhouses,wherethoseoldoneslive,millionsofmilesaway.Millionsofmilesfromusand fromoneanother.Everynowandthentheymovefurtherstill.That'soneofthedisappointments.I thoughtyou'dmeetinterestinghistoricalcharacters.Butyoudon't:they'retoofaraway."
"Wouldtheygettothebusstopintime,iftheyeversetout?"
"Well-theoretically.Butit'dbeadistanceoflight-years.Andtheywouldn'twanttobynow:not thoseoldchapslikeTamberlaineandGenghisKhan,orJuliusCaesar,orHenrytheFifth."
"Wouldn'twantto?"
"That'sright.ThenearestofthoseoldonesisNapoleon.Weknowthatbecausetwochapsmadethe journeytoseehim.They'dstartedlongbeforeIcame,ofcourse,butIwastherewhentheycame back.Aboutfifteenthousandyearsofourtimeittookthem.We'vepickedoutthehousebynow. Justalittlepinprickoflightandnothingelsenearitformillionsofmiles."
"Buttheygotthere?"
"That'sright.He'dbuilthimselfahugehouseallintheEmpirestyle-rowsofwindowsflamingwith light,thoughitonlyshowsasapinprickfromwhereIlive.""DidtheyseeNapoleon?""That's right.Theywentupandlookedthroughoneofthewindows.Napoleonwasthereallright.""What washedoing?""Walkingupanddown-upanddownallthetime-left-right,left-right-never stoppingforamoment.Thetwochapswatchedhimforaboutayearandheneverrested.And mutteringtohimselfallthetime.'ItwasSoult'sfault.ItwasNey'sfault.ItwasJosephine'sfault.It wasthefaultoftheRussians.ItwasthefaultoftheEnglish.'Likethatallthetime.Neverstopped foramoment.Alittle,fatmanandhelookedkindoftired.Buthedidn'tseemabletostopit." FromthevibrationsIgatheredthatthebuswasstillmoving,buttherewasnownothingtobeseen fromthewindowswhichconfirmedthis -nothingbutgreyvoidaboveandbelow. "Thenthetownwillgoonspreadingindefinitely?"!said.
"That'sright,"saidtheIntelligentMan."Unlesssomeonecandosomethingaboutit.""Howdo youmean?"
"Well,asamatteroffact,betweenyouandmeandthewall,that'smyjobatthemoment.What's thetroubleaboutthisplace?Notthatpeoplearequarrelsome-that'sonlyhumannatureandwas alwaysthesameevenonearth.ThetroubleistheyhavenoNeeds.Yougeteverythingyouwant (notverygoodquality,ofcourse)byjustimaginingit.That'swhyitnevercostsanytroubleto movetoanotherstreetorbuildanotherhouse.Inotherwords,there'snopropereconomicbasisfor anycommunitylife.Iftheyneededrealshops,chapswouldhavetostaynearwheretherealshops were.Iftheyneededrealhouses,they'dhavetostaynearwherebuilderswere.It'sscarcitythat enablesasocietytoexist.Well,that'swhereIcomein.I'mnotgoingthistripformyhealth.Asfar asthatgoesIdon'tthinkitwouldsuitmeupthere.ButifIcancomebackwithsomered commodities-anythingatallthatyoucouldreallybiteordrinkorsiton -why,atonceyou'dgeta demanddowninourtown.I'dstartalittlebusiness.I'dhavesomethingtosell.You'dsoonget peoplecomingtolivenear-centralisation.Twofully-inhabitedstreetswouldaccommodatethe peoplethatarenowspreadoveramillionsquaremilesofemptystreets.I'dmakeanicelittleprofit andbeapublicbenefactoraswell."
"Youmean,iftheyhadtolivetogetherthey'dgraduallylearntoquarrelless?"
"Well,Idon'tknowaboutthat.Idaresaytheycouldbekeptabitquieter.You'dhaveachanceto buildupapoliceforce.Knocksomekindofdisciplineintothem.Anyway"(herehedroppedhis voice)"it'dbebetter,youknow.Everyoneadmitsthat.Safetyinnumbers."
"Safetyfromwhat?"Ibegan,butmycompanionnudgedmetobesilent.Ichangedmyquestion.
"Butlookhere,"saidI,"iftheycangeteverythingjustbyimaginingit,whywouldtheywantany realthings,asyoucallthem?"
"Eh?Ohwell,they'dlikehousesthatreallykeptouttherain."
"Theirpresenthousesdon't?"
"Wellofcoursenot.Howcouldthey?"
"Whatthedevilistheuseofbuildingthem,then?"TheIntelligentManputhisheadclosertomine. "Safetyagain,"hemuttered."Atleast,thefeelingofsafety.It'sallrightnow:butlateron...you understand."
"What?"saidI,almostinvoluntarilysinkingmyownvoicetoawhisper.
HearticulatednoiselesslyasifexpectingthatIunderstoodlip-reading.Iputmyearclosetohis mouth."Speakup,"Isaid."Itwillbedarkpresently,"hemouthed. "Youmeantheeveningisreallygoingtoturnintoanightintheend?" Henodded.
"What'sthatgottodowithit?"saidI. "Well...noonewants tobeoutofdoorswhenthathappens." "Why?"
HisreplywassofurtivethatIhadtoaskhimseveraltimestorepeatit.Whenhehaddoneso,being alittleannoyed(asonesoofteniswithwhisperers)Irepliedwithoutrememberingtolowermy voice.
"Who are'They'?"Iasked."Andwhatareyouafraidthey'lldotoyou?Andwhyshouldtheycome outwhenit'sdark?Andwhatprotectioncouldanimaginaryhousegiveiftherewasanydanger?" "Here!"shoutedtheBigMan."Who'stalkingallthatstuff?Youstop yourwhisperingyoutwoif youdon'twantahiding,see?Spreadingrumours,that'swhatIcallit.Youshutyourface,Ikey, see?"
"Quiteright.Scandalous.Oughttobeprosecuted.Howdidtheygetintothebus?"growledthe passengers.
Afatclean-shaven manwhosatontheseatinfrontofmeleanedbackandaddressedmeina culturedvoice.
"Excuseme,"hesaid,"butIcouldn'thelpoverhearingpartsofyourconversation.Itisastonishing howtheseprimitivesuperstitionslingeron.Ibegyourpardon?Oh,Godblessmysoul,that'sallit is.Thereisnotashredofevidencethatthistwilightisevergoingtoturnintoanight.Therehas beenarevolutionofopiniononthatineducatedcircles.Iamsurprisedthatyouhaven'theardofit. Allthenightmarefantasiesofourancestorsarebeingsweptaway.Whatwenowseeinthis subduedanddelicatehalf-lightisthepromiseofthedawn:theslowturningofawholenation towardsthelight.Slowandimperceptible,ofcourse.'AndnotthroughEasternwindowsonly, Whendaylightcomes,comesinthelight.'Andthatpassionfor'real'commoditieswhichourfriend speaksofisonlymaterialism,youknow.It'sretrogressive.Earth-bound!Ahankeringformatter. Butwelookonthisspiritualcity-forwithallitsfaultsitisspiritual- asanurseryinwhichthe creativefunctionsofman,nowfreedfromtheclogsofmatter,begintotrytheirwings.Asublime thought."
Hourslatertherecameachange.Itbegantogrowlightinthebus.Thegreynessoutsidethe windowsturnedfrommud-colourtomotherofpearl,thentofaintestblue,thentoabrightblueness thatstungtheeyes.Weseemedtobefloatinginapurevacancy.Therewerenolands,nosun,no starsinsight:onlytheradiantabyss.Iletdownthewindowbesideme.Deliciousfreshnesscamein forasecond,andthen-
"Whatthehellareyoudoing?"shoutedtheIntelligentMan,leaningroughlyacrossmeandpulling thewindowsharplyup."Wantusalltocatchourdeathofcold?"
"Hithimabiff,"saidtheBigMan.
Iglancedroundthebus.Thoughthewindowswereclosed,andsoonmuffed,thebuswasfullof light.Itwascruellight.IshrankfromthefacesandformsbywhichIwassurrounded.Theywere allfixedfaces,fullnotofpossibilitiesbutofimpossibilities,somegaunt,somebloated,some glaringwithidioticferocity,somedrownedbeyondrecoveryindreams;butall,inonewayor another,distortedandfaded.Onehadafeelingthattheymightfalltopiecesatanymomentifthe lightgrewmuchstronger.Then-therewasamirrorontheendwallofthebus-Icaughtsightofmy own.
Andstillthelightgrew.
ACLIFFhadloomedupahead.ItsankverticallybeneathussofarthatIcouldnotseethebottom, anditwasdarkandsmooth.Weweremountingallthetime.Atlastthetopofthecliffbecame visiblelikeathinlineofemeraldgreenstretchedtightasafiddle-string.Presentlyweglidedover thattop:wewereflyingabovealevel,grassycountrythroughwhichthereranawideriver.We werelosingheightnow:someofthetallesttreetopswereonlytwentyfeetbelowus.Then, suddenlywewereatrest.Everyonehadjumpedup.Curses,taunts,blows,afilthofvituperation, cametomyearsasmyfellow-passengersstruggledtogetout.Amomentlater,andtheyhadall succeeded.Iwasaloneinthebus,andthroughtheopendoortherecametomeinthefreshstillness thesingingofalark.
Igotout.Thelightandcoolnessthatdrenchedmewerelikethoseofsummermorning, earlymorningaminuteortwobeforethesunrise,onlythattherewasacertaindifference.Ihadthe senseofbeinginalargerspace,perhapsevenalargersortofspace,thanIhadeverknownbefore: asiftheskywerefurtheroffandtheextentofthegreenplainwiderthantheycouldbeonthislittle ballofearth.Ihadgot"out"insomesensewhichmadetheSolarSystemitselfseemanindoor affair.Itgavemeafeelingoffreedom,butalsoofexposure,possiblyofdanger,whichcontinuedto accompanymethroughallthatfollowed.Itistheimpossibilityofcommunicatingthatfeeling,or evenofinducingyoutorememberitasIproceed,whichmakesmedespairofconveyingthereal qualityofwhatIsawandheard.
Atfirst,ofcourse,myattentionwascaughtbymyfellow-passengers,whowerestillgroupedabout intheneighbourhoodoftheomnibus,thoughbeginning,someofthem,towalkforwardintothe landscapewithhesitatingsteps.IgaspedwhenIsawthem.Nowthattheywereinthelight,they weretransparent-fullytransparentwhentheystoodbetweenmeandit,smudgyandimperfectly opaquewhentheystoodintheshadowofsometree.Theywereinfactghosts:man-shapedstains onthebrightnessofthatair.Onecouldattendtothemorignorethem atwillasyoudowiththedirt onawindowpane.Inoticedthatthegrassdidnotbendundertheirfeet:eventhedewdropswere notdisturbed.
Thensomere-adjustmentofthemindorsomefocussingofmyeyestookplace,andIsawthe wholephenomenontheotherwayround.Themenwereastheyalwayshadbeen;asallthemenI hadknownhadbeenperhaps.Itwasthelight,thegrass,thetreesthatweredifferent;madeofsome differentsubstance,somuchsoliderthanthingsinourcountrythatmenwereghostsby comparison.Movedbyasuddenthought,Ibentdownandtriedtopluckadaisywhichwas growingatmyfeet.Thestalkwouldn'tbreak.Itriedtotwistit,butitwouldn'ttwist.Ituggedtill thesweatstoodoutonmyforeheadandIhadlostmostoftheskinoffmyhands.Thelittleflower washard,notlikewoodorevenlikeiron,butlikediamond.Therewasaleaf-ayoungtenderbeechleaf,lyinginthegrassbesideit.Itriedtopicktheleafup:myheartalmostcrackedwiththeeffort, andIbelieveIdidjustraiseit.ButIhadtoletitgoatonce;itwasheavierthanasackofcoal.AsI stood,recoveringmybreathwithgreatgaspsandlookingdownatthedaisy,InoticedthatIcould seethegrassnotonlybetweenmyfeetbutthroughthem.I alsowasaphantom.Whowillgiveme wordstoexpresstheterrorofthatdiscovery?"Golly!"thoughtI."I'minforitthistime."
3.
"Idon'tlikeit!Idon'tlikeit,"screamedavoice,"Itgivesmethepip!"Oneoftheghostshaddarted pastme,backinto thebus.ShenevercameoutofitagainasfarasIknow.
Theothersremained,uncertain.
"Hi,Mister,"saidtheBigMan,addressingtheDriver,"whenhavewegottogoback?"
"Youneednevercomebackunlessyouwantto,"hereplied."Stayaslongas youplease."There wasanawkwardpause.
"Thisissimplyridiculous,"saidavoiceinmyear.Oneofthequieterandmorerespectableghosts hadsidleduptome."Theremustbesomemismanagement,"hecontinued."What'sthesenseof allowingallthatriff-rafftofloatabouthereallday?Lookatthem.They'renotenjoyingit.They'd befarhappierathome.Theydon'tevenknowwhattodo."
"Idon'tknowverywellmyself,"saidI."Whatdoesonedo?"
"Ohme?Ishallbemetinamomentortwo.I'mexpected.I'mnotbotheringaboutthat.Butit's ratherunpleasantonone'sfirstdaytohavethewholeplacecrowdedoutwithtrippers.Damnit, one'schiefobjectincominghereatallwastoavoidthem!"
Hedriftedawayfromme.AndIbegantolookabout.Inspiteofhisreferencetoa"crowd,"the solitudewassovastthatIcouldhardlynoticetheknotofphantomsintheforeground.Greenness andlighthadalmostswallowedthemup.ButveryfarawayIcouldseewhatmightbeeitheragreat bankofcloudorarangeofmountains.SometimesIcouldmakeoutinitsteepforests,farwithdrawingvalleys,andevenmountaincitiesperchedoninaccessiblesummits.Atothertimesit becameindistinct.Theheightwassoenormousthatmywakingsightcouldnothavetakenin such anobjectatall.Lightbroodedonthetopofit:slantingdownthenceitmadelongshadowsbehind everytreeontheplain.Therewasnochangeandnoprogressionasthehourspassed.Thepromiseorthethreat-ofsunriserestedimmovablyupthere.
LongafterthatIsawpeoplecomingtomeetus.BecausetheywerebrightIsawthemwhilethey werestillverydistant,andatfirstIdidnotknowthattheywerepeopleatall.Mileaftermilethey drewnearer.Theearthshookundertheirtreadastheirstrongfeetsankintothewetturf.Atiny hazeandasweetsmellwentupwheretheyhadcrushedthegrassandscatteredthedew.Somewere naked,somerobed.Butthenakedonesdidnotseemlessadorned,andtherobesdidnotdisguisein thosewhoworethemthemassivegrandeurofmuscleandtheradiantsmoothnessofflesh.Some werebeardedbutnooneinthatcompanystruckmeasbeingofanyparticularage.Onegets glimpses,eveninourcountry,ofthatwhichisageless-heavythoughtinthefaceofaninfant,and frolicchildhoodinthatofaveryoldman.Hereitwasalllikethat.Theycameonsteadily.Ididnot entirelylikeit.Twooftheghostsscreamedandranforthebus.Therestofushuddledclosertoone another.
AsTHEsolidpeoplecame nearerstillInoticedthattheyweremovingwithorderand determinationasthougheachofthemhadmarkedhismaninourshadowycompany."Thereare goingtobeaffectingscenes,"Isaidtomyself."Perhapsitwouldnotberighttolookon."Withthat, Isidledawayonsomevaguepretextofdoingalittleexploring.Agroveofhugecedarstomyright
4.
seemedattractiveandIenteredit.Walkingproveddifficult.Thegrass,hardasdiamondstomy unsubstantialfeet,mademefeelasifIwerewalkingonwrinkledrock,andIsufferedpainslike thoseofthemermaidinHansAndersen.AbirdranacrossinfrontofmeandIenviedit.It belongedtothatcountryandwasasrealasthegrass.Itcouldbendthestalksandspatteritselfwith thedew.
AlmostatonceIwasfollowedbywhatIhavecalledtheBigMan-tospeakmoreaccurately,the BigGhost.Heinhisturnwasfollowedbyoneofthebrightpeople."Don'tyouknowme?"he shoutedtotheGhost:andIfounditimpossiblenottoturnandattend.Thefaceof thesolidspirit-he wasoneofthosethatworearobe-mademewanttodance,itwassojocund,soestablishedinits youthfulness.
"Well,I'mdamned,"saidtheGhost."Iwouldn'thavebelievedit.It'safairknock-out.Itisn'tright, Len,youknow.What aboutpoorJack,eh?Youlookprettypleasedwithyourself,butwhatIsayis, WhataboutpoorJack?"
"Heishere,"saidtheother."Youwillmeethimsoon,ifyoustay.""Butyoumurderedhim.""Of courseIdid.Itisallrightnow.""Allright,isit? Allrightforyou,youmean.Butwhataboutthe poorchaphimself,layingcoldanddead?"
"Butheisn't.Ihavetoldyou,youwillmeethimsoon.Hesentyouhislove."
"WhatI'dliketounderstand,"saidtheGhost,"iswhatyou'reherefor,aspleasedasPunch,you,a bloodymurderer,whileI'vebeenwalkingthestreetsdownthereandlivinginaplacelikeapigstye alltheseyears."
"Thatisalittlehardtounderstandatfirst.Butitisallovernow.Youwillbepleasedaboutit presently.Tillthenthereisnoneedtobotheraboutit."
"Noneedtobotheraboutit?Aren'tyouashamedofyourself?"
"No.Notasyoumean.Idonotlookatmyself.Ihavegivenupmyself.Ihadto,youknow,afterthe murder.Thatwaswhatitdidforme.Andthatwashoweverythingbegan."
"Personally,"saidtheBigGhostwithanemphasiswhichcontradictedtheordinarymeaningofthe word,"personally,I'dhavethoughtvouandIoughttobetheotherwayround.That'smypersonal opinion."
"Vervlikelvwesoonshallbe."saidtheother."Ifyou'llstopthinkingaboutit."
"Lookatme,now,"saidtheGhost,slappingitschest(buttheslapmadenonoise)."Igonestraight allmylife.Idon'tsayIwasareligiousmanandIdon'tsavIhadnofaults,farfromit.ButIdone mybestallmylife,see?Idonemybestbyeveryone,that'sthesortofchapIwas.Ineveraskedfor anythingthatwasn'tminebyrights.IfIwantedadrinkIpaidforitandifItookmywagesIdone myjob,see?That'sthesortIwasandIdon'tcarewhoknowsit."
"Itwouldbemuchbetternottogoonaboutthatnow."
"Who'sgoingon?I'mnotarguing.I'mjusttellingyouthesortofchapIwas,see?I'maskingfor nothingbutmyrights.Youmaythinkyoucanputmedownbecauseyou'redresseduplikethat (whichyouweren'twhenyouworkedunderme)andI'monlyapoorman.ButIgottohavemy rightssameasyou,see?"
"Ohno.It'snotsobadasthat.Ihaven'tgotmyrights,orIshouldnotbehere.Youwillnotget yourseither.You'llgetsomethingfarbetter.Neverfear."
"That'sjustwhatIsay.Ihaven'tgotmyrights.IalwaysdonemybestandIneverdonenothing wrong.AndwhatIdon'tseeiswhyIshouldbeputbelowabloodymurdererlikeyou."
"Whoknowswhetheryouwillbe?Onlybehappyandcomewithme."
"Whatdoyoukeeponarguingfor?I'monlytellingyouthesortofchapIam.Ionlywantmy rights.I'mnotaskingforanybody'sbleedingcharity."
"Thendo.Atonce.AskfortheBleedingCharity.Everythingisherefortheaskingandnothingcan bebought."
"Thatmaybeverywellforyou,Idaresay.Iftheychoosetoletinabloodymurdererallbecausehe makesapoormouthatthelastmoment,that'stheirlookout.ButIdon'tseemyselfgoinginthe sameboatwithyou,see?WhyshouldI?Idon'twantcharity.I'madecentmanandifIhadmy rightsI'dhavebeenherelongagoandyoucantellthemIsaidso."
Theothershookhishead."Youcanneverdoitlikethat,"hesaid."Yourfeetwillnevergrowhard enoughtowalkonourgrassthatway.You'dbetiredoutbeforewegottothemountains.Andit isn'texactlytrue,youknow."Mirthdancedinhiseyesashesaidit.
"Whatisn'ttrue?"askedtheGhostsulkily.
"Youweren'tadecentmanandyoudidn'tdoyourbest.Wenone ofuswereandwenoneofusdid. Lordblessyou,itdoesn'tmatter.Thereisnoneedtogointoitallnow."
"You!"gaspedtheGhost."YouhavethefacetotellmeIwasn'tadecentchap?"
"Ofcourse.MustIgointoallthat?Iwilltellyouonethingtobeginwith.MurderingoldJack wasn'ttheworstthingIdid.ThatwastheworkofamomentandIwashalfmadwhenIdidit.ButI murderedyouinmyheart,deliberately,foryears.IusedtolieawakeatnightsthinkingwhatI'ddo toyouifeverIgotthechance.ThatiswhyIhavebeensenttoyounow:toaskyourforgiveness andtobeyourservantaslongasyouneedone,andlongerifitpleasesvou.Iwastheworst.Butall themenwhoworkedundervoufeltthesame.Youmadeithardforus,youknow.Andvoumadeit hardforyourwifetooandforyourchildren."
"Youmindyourownbusiness,youngman,"saidtheGhost."Noneofyourlip,see?BecauseI'm nottakinganvimpudencefromyouaboutmyprivateaffairs."
"Therearenoprivateaffairs,"saidtheother.
"AndI'lltellyouanotherthing,"saidtheGhost."Youcanclearoff,see?You'renotwanted.Imay beonlyapoormanbutI'mnotmakingpalswithamurderer,letalonetakinglessonsfromhim. Madeithardforyouandyourlike,didI?IfIhadyoubackthereI'dshowyouwhatworkis." "Comeandshowmenow,"saidtheotherwithlaughterinhisvoice."Itwillbejoygoingtothe mountains,buttherewillbeplentyofwork."
"Youdon'tsupposeI'dgowithyou?""Don'trefuse.Youwillnevergettherealone.AndIamthe onewhowassenttoyou."
"Sothat'sthetrick,isit?"shoutedtheGhost,outwardlybitter,andyetIthoughttherewasakindof triumphinitsvoice.Ithadbeenentreated:itcouldmakearefusal:andthisseemedtoitakindof advantage."Ithoughtthere'dbesomedamnednonsense.It'sallaclique,allabloodyclique.Tell themI'mnotcoming,see?I'dratherbedamnedthangoalongwithyou.Icameheretogetmy rights,see?Nottogosnivellingalongoncharitytied ontoyourapron-strings.Ifthey'retoofineto havemewithoutyou,I'llgohome."Itwasalmosthappynowthatitcould,inasense,threaten. "That'swhatI'lldo,"itrepeated,"I'llgohome,Ididn'tcomeheretobetreatedlikeadog.I'llgo home.That'swhatI'lldo.Damnandblastthewholepackofyou..."Intheend,stillgrumbling, butwhimperingalsoalittleasitpickeditswayoverthesharpgrasses,itmadeoff.
5.
FORAmomenttherewassilenceunderthecedartreesandthen-pad,pad,pad-itwasbroken.Two velvet-footedlionscamebouncingintotheopenspace,theireyesfixeduponeachother,andstarted playingsomesolemnromp.Theirmaneslookedasiftheyhadbeenjustdippedintheriverwhose noiseIcouldhearcloseathand, thoughthetreeshidit.Notgreatlylikingmycompany,Imoved awaytofindthatriver,andafterpassingsomethickfloweringbushes,Isucceeded.Thebushes camealmostdowntothebrink.ItwasassmoothasThamesbutflowedswiftlylikeamountain stream:palegreenwheretreesoverhungitbutsoclearthatIcouldcountthepebblesatthebottom. ClosebesidemeIsawanotheroftheBrightPeopleinconversationwithaghost.Itwasthatfat ghostwiththeculturedvoicewhohadaddressedmeinthebus,anditseemedtobewearinggaiters. "Mydearboy,I'mdelightedtoseeyou,"itwassayingtotheSpirit,whowasnakedandalmost blindinglywhite."Iwastalkingtoyourpoorfathertheotherdayandwonderingwhereyouwere."
"Youdidn'tbringhim?"saidtheother.
"Well,no.Helivesalongwayfromthebus,and,tobequitefrank,he'sbeengettingalittle eccentriclately.Alittledifficult.Losinghisgrip.Heneverwaspreparedtomakeanygreatefforts, youknow.Ifyouremember,heusedto gotosleepwhenyouandIgottalkingseriously!Ah,Dick, Ishallneverforgetsomeofourtalks.Iexpectyou'vechangedyourviewsabitsincethen.You becamerathernarrow-mindedtowardstheendofyourlife:butnodoubtyou'vebroadenedout again."
"Howdoyoumean?"
"Well,it'sobviousbynow,isn'tit,thatyouweren'tquiteright.Why,mydearboy,youwere comingtobelieveinaliteralHeavenandHell!"
"Butwasn'tIright?"
"Oh,inaspiritualsense,tobesure.Istillbelieveintheminthatway.Iamstill,mydearboy, lookingfortheKingdom.Butnothingsuperstitiousormythological...."
"Excuseme.Wheredoyouimagineyou'vebeen?"
"Ah,Isee.Youmeanthatthegreytownwithitscontinualhopeofmorning(wemustallliveby hope,mustwenot?),withitsfieldforindefiniteprogress,is,inasense,Heaven,ifonlywehave eyestoseeit?Thatisabeautifulidea."
"Ididn'tmeanthatatall.Isitpossibleyoudon'tknowwhereyou'vebeen?"
"Nowthatyoumentionit,Idon'tthinkweeverdogiveitaname.Whatdoyoucallit?"
"WecallitHell."
"Thereisnoneedtobeprofane,mydearboy.Imaynotbeveryorthodox,inyoursenseofthat word,butIdofeelthatthesemattersoughttobediscussedsimply,andseriously,andreverently."
"DiscussHellreverently?ImeantwhatIsaid.YouhavebeeninHell:thoughifyoudon'tgoback youmaycallitPurgatory."
"Goon,mydearboy,goon.Thatissolikeyou.Nodoubtyou'lltellmewhy,onyourview,Iwas sentthere.I'mnotangry."
"Butdon'tyouknow?Youwenttherebecauseyouareanapostate."
"Areyouserious,Dick?"
"Perfectly."
"ThisisworsethanIexpected.Doyoureallythinkpeoplearepenalisedfortheirhonestopinions? Evenassuming,forthesakeofargument, thatthoseopinionsweremistaken."
"Doyoureallythinktherearenosinsofintellect?"
"Thereareindeed,Dick.Thereishideboundprejudice,andintellectualdishonesty,andtimidity, andstagnation.Buthonestopinionsfearlesslyfollowed-theyarenotsins."
"Iknowweusedtotalkthatway.IdidittoountiltheendofmylifewhenIbecamewhatyoucall narrow.Itallturnsonwhatarehonestopinions."
"Minecertainlywere.Theywerenotonlyhonestbutheroic.Iassertedthemfearlessly.Whenthe doctrineoftheResurrectionceasedtocommenditselftothecriticalfacultieswhichGodhadgiven me,Iopenlyrejectedit.Ipreachedmyfamoussermon.Idefiedthewholechapter.Itookevery risk."
"Whatrisk?Whatwasatalllikelytocomeofitexceptwhatactuallycame-popularity,salesfor yourbooks,invitations,andfinallyabishopric?"
"Dick,thisisunworthyofyou.Whatareyousuggesting?"
"Friend,Iamnotsuggestingatall.Yousee,Iknownow.Letusbefrank.Ouropinionswerenot honestlycomeby.Wesimplyfoundourselvesincontactwithacertaincurrentofideasand plungedintoitbecauseitseemedmodernandsuccessful.AtCollege,youknow,wejuststarted automaticallywritingthekindofessaysthatgotgoodmarksandsayingthekindofthingsthatwon applause.When,inourwholelives,didwehonestlyface,insolitude,theonequestiononwhichall turned:whetherafteralltheSupernaturalmightnotinfactoccur?Whendidweputupone moment'srealresistancetotheloss ofourfaith?"
"Ifthisismeanttobeasketchofthegenesisofliberaltheologyingeneral,Ireplythatitisamere libel.Doyousuggestthatmenlike..."
"Ihavenothingtodowithanygenerality.Norwithanymanbutmeandyou.Oh,asyoulove your ownsoul,remember.YouknowthatyouandIwereplayingwithloadeddice.Wedidn'twantthe
othertobetrue.Wewereafraidofcrudesalvationism,afraidofabreachwiththespiritoftheage, afraidofridicule,afraid(aboveall)ofrealspiritualfearsandhopes."
"I'mfarfromdenyingthatyoungmenmaymakemistakes.Theymaywellbeinfluencedbycurrent fashionsofthought.Butit'snotaquestionofhowtheopinionsareformed.Thepointisthatthey weremyhonestopinions,sincerelyexpressed."
"Ofcourse.Havingallowedoneselftodrift,unresisting,unpraying,acceptingeveryhalf-conscious solicitationfromourdesires,wereachedapointwherewenolongerbelievedtheFaith.Justinthe sameway,ajealousman,driftingandunresisting,reachesapointatwhichhebelievesliesabout hisbestfriend:adrunkardreachesapointatwhich(forthemoment)heactuallybelievesthat anotherglasswilldohimnoharm.Thebeliefsaresincereinthesensethattheydooccuras psychologicaleventsintheman'smind.Ifthat'swhatyoumeanbysinceritytheyaresincere,and sowereours.Buterrorswhicharesincereinthatsensearenotinnocent."
"You'llbejustifyingtheInquisitioninamoment!"
"Why?BecausetheMiddleAgeserredinonedirection,doesitfollowthatthereisnoerrorinthe oppositedirection?"
"Well,thisisextremelyinteresting,"saidtheEpiscopalGhost."It'sapointofview.Certainly,it'sa pointofview.Inthemeantime..."
"Thereisnomeantime,"repliedtheother."AHthatisover.Wearenotplayingnow.Ihavebeen talkingofthepast(yourpastandmine)onlyinorderthatyoumayturnfromitforever.Onewrench andthetoothwillbeout.Youcanbeginasifnothinghadevergonewrong.Whiteassnow. It'sall true,youknow.Heisinme,foryou,withthatpower.And- Ihavecomealongjourneytomeet you.YouhaveseenHell:youareinsightofHeaven.Willyou,evennow,repentandbelieve?"
"I'mnotsurethatI'vegottheexactpointyouaretryingtomake,"saidtheGhost.
"Iamnottryingtomakeanypoint,"saidtheSpirit."Iamtellingyoutorepentandbelieve."
"Butmydearboy,Ibelievealready.Wemaynotbeperfectlyagreed,butyouhavecompletely misjudgedmeifyoudonotrealisethatmyreligionisaveryrealandaverypreciousthingtome."
"Verywell,"saidtheother,asifchanginghisplan."Willyoubelieveinme?"
"Inwhatsense?"
"Willyoucomewithmetothemountains?Itwillhurtatfirst,untilyourfeetarehardened.Reality isharshtothefeetofshadows.Butwillyoucome?"
"Well,thatisaplan.Iamperfectlyreadytoconsiderit.OfcourseIshouldrequiresomeassurances ...IshouldwantaguaranteethatyouaretakingmetoaplacewhereIshallfindawidersphereof usefulness-andscopeforthetalentsthatGodhasgivenme-andanatmosphereoffreeinquiry-in short,allthatonemeansbycivilisationand-er-thespirituallife."
"No,"saidtheother."Icanpromiseyounoneofthesethings.Nosphereofusefulness:youarenot neededthereatall.Noscopeforyourtalents:onlyforgivenessforhavingpervertedthem.No atmosphereofinquiry,forIwillbringyoutothelandnotofquestionsbutofanswers,andyou shallseethefaceofGod."
"Ah,butwemustallinterpretthosebeautifulwordsinourownway!Formethereisnosuchthing asafinalanswer.Thefreewindofinquirymustalwayscontinuetoblowthroughthemind,mustit not?Troveallthings'...totravelhopefullyisbetterthantoarrive."
"Ifthatweretrue,andknowntobetrue,howcouldanyonetravelhopefully?Therewouldbe nothingtohopefor."
"Butyoumustfeelyourselfthatthereissomethingstiflingabouttheideaoffinality?Stagnation, mydearboy,whatismoresoul-destroyingthanstagnation?"
"Youthinkthat,becausehithertoyouhaveexperiencedtruthonlywiththeabstractintellect.Iwill bringyouwhereyoucantasteitlikehoneyandbeembracedbyitasbyabridegroom.Yourthirst shallbequenched."
"Well,really,youknow,Iamnotawareofathirstforsomeready-madetruthwhichputsanendto intellectualactivityinthewayyouseemtobedescribing.WillitleavemethefreeplayofMind, Dick?Imustinsistonthat,youknow."
"Free,asamanisfreetodrinkwhileheisdrinking.Heisnotfreestilltobedry."TheGhost seemedtothinkforamoment."Icanmakenothingofthatidea,"itsaid.
"Listen!"saidtheWhiteSpirit."Onceyouwereachild.Onceyouknewwhatinquirywasfor. Therewasatimewhenyouaskedquestionsbecauseyouwantedanswers,andweregladwhenyou hadfoundthem.Becomethatchildagain:evennow."
"Ah,butwhenIbecameamanIputawaychildishthings."
"Youhavegonefarwrong.Thirstwasmadeforwater;inquiryfortruth.Whatyounowcallthefree playofinquiryhasneithermorenorlesstodowiththeendsforwhichintelligencewasgivenyou thanmasturbationhastodowithmarriage."
"Ifwecannotbereverent,thereisatleastnoneedtobeobscene.Thesuggestion thatIshould returnatmyagetothemerefactualin-quisitivenessofboyhoodstrikesmeaspreposterous.Inany case,thatquestion-and-answerconceptionofthoughtonlyappliestomattersoffact.Religiousand speculativequestionsaresurelyonadifferentlevel."
"Weknownothingofreligionhere:wethinkonlyofChrist.Weknownothingofspeculation. Comeandsee.IwillbringyoutoEternalFact,theFatherofallotherfacthood."
"IshouldobjectverystronglytodescribingGodasa'fact.'The SupremeValuewouldsurelybea lessinadequatedescription.Itishardly..."
"DoyounotevenbelievethatHeexists?"
"Exists?WhatdoesExistencemean?Youwillkeeponimplyingsomesortofstatic,ready-made realitywhichis,sotospeak,'there,'andtowhichourmindshavesimplytoconform.Thesegreat mysteriescannotbeapproachedinthatway.Ifthereweresuchathing(thereisnoneedto interrupt,mydearboy)quitefrankly,Ishouldnotbeinterestedinit.Itwouldbeofnoreligions significance.God,forme,issomethingpurelyspiritual.Thespiritofsweetnessandlightand tolerance-and,er,service,Dick,service.Wemustn'tforgetthat,youknow."
"IfthethirstoftheReasonisreallydead...,"saidtheSpirit,andthenstoppedasthough pondering.Thensuddenlyhesaid,"Canyou,atleast,stilldesirehappiness?"
"Happiness,mydearDick,"saidtheGhostplacidly,"happiness,asyouwillcometoseewhenyou areolder,liesinthepathofduty.Whichremindsme....Blessmysoul,I'dnearlyforgotten.Of courseIcan'tcomewithyou.IhavetobebacknextFridaytoreadapaper.Wehavealittle TheologicalSocietydownthere.Ohyes!thereisplentyofintellectuallife.Notofaveryhigh quality,perhaps.Onenoticesacertainlackofgrip-acertainconfusionofmind.ThatiswhereIcan beofsomeusetothem.Thereareevenregrettablejealousies....Idon'tknowwhy,buttempers seemlesscontrolledthantheyusedtobe.Still,onemustn'texpecttoomuchofhumannature.Ifeel Icandoagreatworkamongthem.Butyou'veneveraskedmewhatmypaperisabout!I'mtaking thetextaboutgrowinguptothemeasureofthestatureofChristandworkingoutanideawhichI feelsureyou'llbeinterestedin.I'mgoingtopointouthowpeoplealwaysforgetthatJesus(herethe Ghostbowed)wasacomparativelyyoungmanwhenhedied.Hewouldhaveoutgrownsomeofhis earlierviews,youknow,ifhe'dlived.Ashemighthavedone,withalittlemoretactandpatience.I amgoingtoaskmyaudiencetoconsiderwhathismatureviewswouldhavebeen.Aprofoundly interestingquestion.WhatadifferentChristianitywemighthavehadifonlytheFounderhad reachedhisfullstature!Ishallendupbypointingouthowthisdeepensthesignificanceofthe Crucifixion.Onefeelsforthefirsttimewhatadisasteritwas:whatatragicwaste...somuch promisecutshort.Oh,mustyoubegoing?Well,somustI.Goodbye,mydearboy.Ithasbeena greatpleasure.Moststimulatingandprovocative.Goodbye,goodbye,goodbye."
TheGhostnoddeditsheadandbeamedontheSpiritwithabrightclericalsmile-orwiththebest approachtoitwhichsuchunsubstantiallipscouldmanage-andthenturnedawayhummin?softlyto itself"CityofGod,howbroadandfar."
ButIdidnotwatchhimlong,foranewideahadjustoccurredtome.Ifthegrasswerehardasrock, Ithought,wouldnotthewaterbehardenoughtowalkon?Itrieditwithonefoot,andmyfootdid notgoin.NextmomentIsteppedboldlyoutonthesurface.Ifellonmyfaceatonceandgotsome nastybruises.Ihadforgottenthatthoughitwas,tome,solid,itwasnotthelessinrapidmotion. WhenIhadpickedmyselfupIwasaboutthirtyyardsfurtherdown-streamthanthepointwhereI hadleftthebank.Butthisdidnotpreventmefromwalkingup-stream:itonlymeantthatby walkingveryfastindeedImadeverylittleprogress.
6.
THECOOLsmoothskinofthebrightwaterwasdelicioustomyfeetandIwalkedonitforabout anhour,makingperhapsacoupleofhundredyards.Thenthegoingbecamedifferent.Thecurrent grewswifter.Greatflakesorislandsoffoamcameswirlingdowntowardsme,bruisingmyshins likestonesifIdidnotgetoutoftheirway.Thesurfacebecameuneven,roundeditselfintolovely hollowsandelbowsofwaterwhichdistortedtheappearanceofthepebblesonthebottomand threwmeoffmybalance,sothatIhadtoscrambletoshore.Butasthebankshereaboutsconsisted ofgreatflatstones,Icontinued myjourneywithoutmuchhurttomyfeet.Animmenseyetlovely noisevibratedthroughtheforest.HourslaterIroundedabendandsawtheexplanation.
Beforemegreenslopesmadeawideamphitheatre,enclosingafrothyandpulsatinglakeinto which,overmany-colouredrocks,awaterfallwaspouring.HereonceagainIrealisedthat somethinghadhappenedtomysensessothattheywerenowreceivingimpressionswhichwould
normallyexceedtheircapacity.Onearth,suchawaterfallcouldnothavebeenperceivedatallasa whole;itwastoobig.Itssoundwouldhavebeenaterrorinthewoodsfortwentymiles.Here,after thefirstshock,mysensibility"took"both,asawell-builtshiptakesahugewave.Iexulted.The noise,thoughgigantic,waslikegiant'slaughter:liketherevelryofawholecollegeofgiants togetherlaughing,dancing,singing,roaringattheirhighworks.
Neartheplacewherethefallplungedintothelaketheregrewatree.Wetwiththespray,halfveiledinfoam-bows,flashingwith thebright,innumerablebirdsthatflewamongitsbranches,it roseinmanyshapesofbillowyfoliage,hugeasafen-landcloud.Fromeverypointapplesofgold gleamedthroughtheleaves.
Suddenlymyattentionwasdivertedbyacuriousappearanceintheforeground.Ahawthornbush nottwentyyardsawayseemedtobebehavingoddly.ThenIsawthatitwasnotthebushbut somethingstandingclosetothebushandonthissideofit.FinallyIrealisedthatitwasoneofthe Ghosts.Itwascrouchingasiftoconcealitselffromsomethingbeyondthebush,anditwaslooking backatmeandmakingsignals.Itkeptonsigningtometoduckdown.AsIcouldnotseewhatthe dangerwas,Istoodfast.
PresentlytheGhost,afterpeeringaroundineverydirection,venturedbeyondthehawthornbush.It couldnotgetonveryfastbecauseofthetorturinggrassesbeneathitsfeet,butitwasobviously goingasfastasitpossiblycould,straightforanothertree.Thereitstoppedagain,standingstraight uprightagainstthetrunkasthoughitweretakingcover.Becausetheshadowofthebranchesnow coveredit,Icouldseeitbetter:itwasmybowler-hattedcompanion,theonewhomtheBigGhost hadcalledIkey.Afterithadstoodpantingatthetreeforabouttenminutesandcarefully reconnoitredthegroundahead,itmadeadashforanothertree-suchadashaswaspossibletoit.In thisway,withinfinitelabourandcaution,ithadreachedthegreatTreeinaboutanhour.Thatis,it hadcomewithintenyardsofit.
Here itwaschecked.RoundtheTreegrewabeltoflilies:totheGhostaninsuperableobstacle.It mightaswellhavetriedtotreaddownananti-tanktrapastowalkonthem.Itlaydownandtriedto crawlbetweenthembuttheygrewtoocloseandtheywouldnotbend.Andallthetimeitwas apparentlyhauntedbytheterrorofdiscovery.Ateverywhisperofthewinditstoppedand cowered:once,atthecryofabird,itstruggledbacktoitslastplaceofcover:butthendesire houndeditoutagainanditcrawledoncemoretotheTree.Isawitclaspitshandsandwritheinthe agonyofitsfrustration.
Thewindseemedtoberising.IsawtheGhostwringitshandsandputitsthumbintoitsmouthcruellypinched,Idoubtnot,betweentwostemsofthelilieswhenthebreezeswayedthem.Then camearealgust.ThebranchesoftheTreebegantotoss.Amomentlaterandhalfadozenapples hadfallenroundtheGhostandonit.Hegaveasharpcry,butsuddenlycheckedit.Ithoughtthe weightofthegoldenfruitwhereithadfallenonhimwouldhavedisabledhim:andcertainly,fora fewminutes,hewasunabletorise.Helaywhimpering,nursinghiswounds.Butsoonhewasat workagain.Icouldseehimfeverishlytryingtofillhispocketswiththeapples.Ofcourse itwas useless.Onecouldseehowhisambitionsweregraduallyforceddown.Hegaveuptheideaofa pocketful:twowouldhavetodo.Hegaveuptheideaoftwo,hewouldtakeone,thelargest.He gaveupthathope.Hewasnotlookingforthesmallestone.Hewastryingtofindiftherewasone smallenoughtocarry.
Theamazingthingwasthathesucceeded.WhenIrememberedwhattheleafhadfeltlikewhenI triedtoliftit,IcouldhardlyhelpadmiringthisunhappycreaturewhenIsawhimrisestaggeringto hisfeetactuallyholdingthesmallestoftheapplesinhishands.Hewaslamefromhishurts,andthe weightbenthimdouble.Yetevenso,inchbvinch,stillavailinghimselfofeveryscrapofcover,he setoutonhisviadolorosatothebus,carryinghistorture.
"Fool.Putitdown,"saidagreatvoicesuddenly.ItwasquiteunlikeanvothervoiceIhadheardso far.Itwasathunderousyetliquidvoice.WithanappallingcertaintyIknewthatthewaterfallitself wasspeaking:andIsawnow(thoughitdidnotceasetolooklikeawaterfall)thatitwasalsoa brightangelwhostood,likeonecrucified,againsttherocksandpouredhimselfperpetuallydown towardstheforestwithloudjoy.
"Fool,"hesaid,"putitdown.Youcannottakeitback.ThereisnotroomforitinHell.Stayhere andlearntoeatsuchapples.Theveryleavesandthebladesofgrassinthewoodwilldelightto teachyou."
WhethertheGhostheardornot,Idon'tknow.Atanyrate,afterpausingforafewminutes,it braceditselfanewforitsagoniesandcontinuedwithevengreatercautiontillIlostsightofit.
7.
ALTHOUGHIwatchedthemisfortunesoftheGhostintheBowlerwithsomecomplacency,I found,whenwewereleftalone,thatIcouldnotbearthepresenceofthe Water-Giant.Itdidnot appeartotakeanynoticeofme,butIbecameself-conscious;andIratherthinktherewassome assumednonchalanceinmymovementsasIwalkedawayovertheflatrocks,down-streamagain.I wasbeginningtobetired.Lookingatthesilverfishwhichdartedovertheriver-bed,Iwished greatlythattomealsothatwaterwerepermeable.Ishouldhavelikedadip. "Thinkingofgoingback?"saidavoicecloseathand.Iturnedandsawatallghoststandingwithits backagainstatree,chewingaghostlycheroot.Itwasthatofaleanhard-bittenmanwithgrevhair andagruff,butnotuneducatedvoice:thekindofmanIhavealwaysinstinctivelyfelttobereliable.
"Idon'tknow,"saidI."Areyou?"
"Yes,"itreplied."IguessI'veseenaboutallthereistosee."
"Youdon'tthinkofstaying?"
"That'sallpropaganda,"itsaid."Ofcoursethereneverwasanyquestionofourstaying.Youcan't eatthefruitandyoucan'tdrinkthewaterandittakesyouallyourtimetowalkonthegrass.A humanbeingcouldn'tlivehere.Allthatideaofstayingisonlyanadvertisementstunt."
"Thenwhydidyoucome?"
"Oh,Idon'tknow.Justtohavealookround.I'mthesortofchapwholikestoseethingsfor himself.WhereverI'vebeenI'vealwayshadalookatanythingthatwasbeingcrackedup.WhenI wasoutEast,IwenttoseePekin.When..."
"WhatwasPekinlike?"
"Nothingtoit.Justonedarnwallinsideanother.Justatrapfortourists.I'vebeenprettywell everywhere.NiagaraFalls,thePyramids,SaltLakeCity,theTajMahal "
"Whatwasitlike?"
"Notworthlookingat.They'realladvertisementstunts.Allrunbythesamepeople.There'sa combine,youknow,aWorldCombine,thatjusttakesanAtlasanddecideswherethey'll havea Sight.Doesn'tmatterwhattheychoose:anything'lldoaslongasthepublicity'sproperlymanaged."
"Andyou'velived-er-downthere-intheTown-forsometime?"
"InwhattheycallHell?Yes.It'safloptoo.
TheyleadyoutoexpectredfireanddevilsandallsortsofinterestingpeoplesizzlingongridsHenryVIIIandallthat-butwhenyougetthereits'sjustlikeanyothertown."
"Ipreferituphere,"saidI.
"Well,Idon'tseewhatallthetalkisabout,"saidtheHard-BittenGhost."It'sas goodasanyother parktolookat,anddarneduncomfortable."
"Thereseemstobesomeideathatifonestayshereonewouldget-well,solider-growacclimatised."
"Iknowallaboutthat,"saidtheGhost."Sameoldlie.Peoplehavebeentellingmethatsortofthing allmylife.TheytoldmeinthenurserythatifIweregoodI'dbehappy.Andtheytoldmeatschool thatLatinwouldgeteasierasIwenton.AfterI'dbeenmarriedamonthsomefoolwastellingme thattherewerealwaysdifficultiesatfirst, butwithTactandPatienceI'dsoon'settledown'andlike it!Andallthroughtwowarswhatdidn'ttheysayaboutthegoodtimecomingifonlyI'dbeabrave boyandgoonbeingshotat?Ofcoursethey'llplaytheoldgamehereifanyone'sfoolenoughto listen."
"ButwhoareThey?Thismightberunbysomeonedifferent?"
"Entirelynewmanagement,eh?Don'tyoubelieveit!It'sneveranewmanagement.You'llalways findthesameoldRing.Iknowallaboutdear,kindMummiecominguptoyourbedroomand gettingallshewantstoknowoutofyou:butyoualwaysfoundsheandFatherwerethesamefirm really.Didn'twefindthatbothsidesinallthewarswererunbythesameArmamentFirms?orthe sameFirm,whichisbehindtheJewsandtheVaticanandtheDictatorsandtheDemocraciesandall therestofit.AllthisstuffuphereisrunbythesamepeopleastheTown.They'rejustlaughingat us."
"Ithoughttheywereatwar?"
"Ofcourseyoudid.That'stheofficialversion.Butwho'severseenanysignsof it?Oh,Iknow that'showtheytalk.Butifthere'sarealwarwhydon'ttheydoanything?Don'tyouseethatifthe officialversionweretruethesechapsupherewouldattackandsweeptheTownoutofexistence? They'vegotthestrength.Iftheywanted torescueustheycoulddoit.Butobviouslythelastthing theywantistoendtheirso-called'war.'Thewholegamedependsonkeepingitgoing."
Thisaccountofthematterstruckmeasuncomfortablyplausible.Isaidnothing.
"Anyway,"saidtheGhost, "whowantstoberescued?Whatthehellwouldtherebetodohere?" "Orthere?"saidI.
"Quite,"saidtheGhost."They'vegotyoueitherway."
"Whatwouldyouliketodoifyouhadyourchoice?"Iasked.
"Thereyougo!"saidtheGhostwithacertaintriumph."Askingmetomakeaplan.It'suptothe Managementtofindsomethingthatdoesn'tboreus,isn'tit?It'stheirjob.Whyshouldwedoitfor them?That'sjustwherealltheparsonsandmoralistshavegotthethingupsidedown.Theykeepon asking ustoalterourselves.Butifthepeoplewhoruntheshowaresocleverandsopowerful,why don'ttheyfindsomethingtosuittheirpublic?Allthispoppycockaboutgrowinghardersothatthe grassdoesn'thurtourfeet,now!There'sanexample.Whatwouldyousayifyouwenttoahotel wheretheeggswereallbad;andwhenyoucomplainedtotheBoss,insteadofapologisingand changinghisdairyman,hejusttoldyouthatifyoutriedyou'dgettolikebadeggsintime?"
"Well,I'llbegettingalong,"saidtheGhostafterashortsilence."Youcomingmyway?"
"Theredoesn'tseemtobemuchpointingoinganywhereonyourshowing,"Ireplied.Agreat depressionhadcomeoverme."Andatleastit'snotraininghere."
"Notatthemoment,"saidtheHard-BittenGhost."ButIneversawoneofthesebrightmornings thatdidn'tturntorainlateron.And,bygum,whenitdoesrainhere!Ah,youhadn'tthoughtof that?Ithadn'toccurredtoyouthatwiththesortofwatertheyhavehereeveryraindropwillmakea holeinyou,likeamachine-gunbullet.That'stheirlittlejoke,yousee.Firstofalltantaliseyouwith groundyoucan'twalkonandwateryoucan'tdrinkandthendrillyoufullofholes.Buttheywon't catchmethatway."
Afewminuteslaterhemovedoff. 8.
ISATstillonastonebytheriver'ssidefeelingasmiserableasIeverfeltinmylife.Hithertoithad notoccurredtometodoubttheintentionsoftheSolidPeople,nortoquestiontheessential goodnessoftheircountryevenifitwere acountrywhichIcouldnotlonginhabit.Ithadindeed oncecrossedmymindthatiftheseSolidPeoplewereasbenevolentasIhadheardoneortwoof themclaimtobe,theymighthavedonesomethingtohelptheinhabitantsoftheTown-something morethanmeetingthemontheplain.Nowaterribleexplanationcameintomymind.Howifthey hadnevermeanttodousgoodatall?HowifthiswholetripwereallowedtheGhostsmerelyto mockthem?Horriblemvthsanddoctrinesstirredinmymemory.IthoughthowtheGodshad punishedTantalus.IthoughtoftheplaceintheBookofRevelationwhereitsaysthatthesmokeof
Hellgoesupforeverinthesightoftheblessedspirits.IrememberedhowpoorCowper,dreaming thathewasnotafteralldoomedtoperdition,atonceknewthedreamtobefalseandsaid,"These arethesharpestarrowsinHisquiver."AndwhattheHard-BittenGhosthadsaidabouttherainwas clearlytrue.Evenashowerofdew-dropsfromabranchmighttearmeinpieces.Ihadnotthought ofthisbefore.AndhoweasilyImighthaveventuredintothesprayofthewaterfall!
Thesenseofdanger,whichhadneverbeenentirelyabsentsinceIleftthebus,awokewithsharp urgency,Igazedaroundonthetrees,theflowers,andthetalkingcataract:theyhadbeguntolook unbearablysinister.Brightinsectsdartedtoandfro.Ifoneofthoseweretoflyintomyface,would itnotgorightthroughme?Ifitsettledonmyhead,woulditcrushmetoearth?Terrorwhispered, "Thisisnoplaceforyou."I rememberedalsothelions.
Withnoveryclearplaninmymind,Iroseandbeganwalkingawayfromtheriverinthedirection wherethetreesgrewclosesttogether.Ihadnotfullymadeupmymindtogobacktothebus,butI wantedtoavoidopenplaces.IfonlyIcouldfindatraceofevidencethatitwasreallypossiblefora Ghosttostay-thatthechoicewerenotonlyacruelcomedy-Iwouldnotgoback.InthemeantimeI wenton,gingerly,andkeepingasharplook-out.InabouthalfanhourIcametoalittleclearing withsomebushesinthecentre.AsIstopped,wonderingifIdaredcrossit,IrealisedthatIwasnot alone.
AGhosthobbledacrosstheclearing-asquicklyasitcouldonthatuneasysoil-lookingoverits shoulderasifitwerepursued.Isawthatithadbeenawoman:awell-dressedwoman,Ithought, butitsshadowsoffinerylookedghastlyinthemorninglight.Itwasmakingforthebushes.Itcould notreallygetinamongthem-thetwigsandleavesweretoohard-butitpressedascloseupagainst themasitcould.Itseemedtobelieveitwashiding.
AmomentlaterIheardthesoundoffeet,andoneoftheBrightPeoplecameinsight:onealways noticedthatsoundthere,forweGhostsmadenonoisewhenwewalked.
"Goaway!"squealedtheGhost."Goaway!Can'tyouseeIwanttobealone?"
"Butyouneedhelp,"saidtheSolidOne.
"Ifyouhavetheleasttraceofdecentfeelingleft,"saidtheGhost,"you'llkeepaway.Idon'twant help.Iwanttobeleftalone.Dogoaway.YouknowIcan'twalkfastenoughonthesehorrible spikestogetawayfromyou.It'sabominableofyoutotakeadvantage."
"Oh,that!"saidtheSpirit."That'llsooncomeright.Butyou'regoinginthewrongdirection.It's backthere-tothemountains- youneedtogo.You canleanonmealltheway.Ican'tabsolutely carryyou,butyouneedhavealmostnoweightonvourownfeet:anditwillhurtlessateverystep."
"I'mnotafraidofbeinghurt.Youknowthat."
"Thenwhatisthematter?"
"Can'tyouunderstandanything?DoyoureallysupposeI'mgoingoutthereamongallthosepeople, likethis?"
"Butwhynot?"
"I'dneverhavecomeatallifI'dknownyouwereallgoingtobedressedlikethat."
"Friend,youseeI'mnotdressedatall."
"Ididn'tmeanthat.Dogoaway."
"Butcan'tyoueventellme?"
"Ifyoucan'tunderstand,there'dbenogoodtryingtoexplainit.HowcanIgooutlikethisamonga lotofpeoplewithrealsolidbodies?It'sfarworsethangoingoutwithnothingonwouldhavebeen onearth.Haveeveryone staringthroughme."
"Oh,Isee.Butwewereallabitghostlywhenwefirstarrived,youknow.That'llwearoff.Just comeoutandtry."
"Butthey'llseeme."
"Whatdoesitmatteriftheydo?"
"I'dratherdie."
"Butyou'vediedalready.There'snogoodtryingtogobacktothat."
TheGhostmadeasoundsomethingbetweenasobandasnarl."IwishI'dneverbeenborn,"itsaid. "Whatarewebornfor?"
"Forinfinitehappiness,"saidtheSpirit."Youcanstepoutintoitatanymoment...." "But,Itellyou,they'llseeme."
"Anhourhenceandyouwillnotcare.Adayhenceandyouwilllaughatit.Don'tyourememberon earth-therewerethingstoohottotouchwithyourfingerbutyoucoulddrinkthemallright?Shame islikethat.Ifyouwillacceptit-if youwilldrinkthecuptothebottom-youwillfinditvery nourishing:buttrytodoanythingelsewithitanditscalds."
"Youreallymean?..."saidtheGhost,andthenpaused.Mysuspensewasstraineduptotheheight. Ifeltthatmyowndestinyhung onherreply.Icouldhavefallenatherfeetandbeggedhertoyield.
"Yes,"saidtheSpirit."Comeandtry."
Almost,IthoughttheGhosthadobeyed.Certainlyithadmoved:butsuddenlyitcriedout:"No,I can't.ItellyouIcan't.Foramoment,whileyouweretalking,Ialmostthought...butwhenit comestothepoint....You'venorighttoaskmetodoathinglikethat.It'sdisgusting.Ishould neverforgivemyselfifIdid.Never,never.Andit'snotfair.Theyoughttohavewarnedus.I'd neverhavecome.Andnow-please,pleasegoaway!"
"Friend,"saidtheSpirit."Couldyou,onlyforamoment,fixyourmindonsomethingnot yourself?"
"I'vealreadvgivenyoumyanswer,"saidtheGhost,coldlybutstilltearful.
"Thenonlyoneexpedientremains,"saidtheSpirit,andtomygreatsurprisehesetahorntohislips andblew.Iputmyhandsovermyears.Theearthseemedtoshake:thewholewoodtrembledand dindledatthesound.Isupposetheremusthavebeenapauseafterthat(thoughthereseemedtobe none)beforeIheardthethuddingofhoofs-faroffatfirst,butalreadynearerbeforeIhadwell identifiedit,andsoonsonearthatIbegantolookaboutforsomeplaceofsafety.BeforeIhad foundonethedangerwasallaboutus.Aherdofunicornscamethunderingthroughtheglades: twenty-sevenhandshighthesmallestofthemandwhiteasswansbutfortheredgleamineyesand nostrilsandtheflashingindigooftheirhorns.Icanstillrememberthesquelchingnoiseofthesoft wetturfundertheirhoofs,thebreakingoftheundergrowth,thesnortingandthewhinneyings;how
theirhindlegswentupandtheirhornedheadsdowninmimicbattle.EventhenIwonderedfor whatrealbattleitmightbetherehearsal.IheardtheGhostscream,andIthinkitmadeaboltaway fromthebushes...perhapstowardstheSpirit,butIdon'tknow.FormyownnervefailedandI fled,notheeding,forthemoment,thehorriblegoingunderfoot,andnotoncedaringtopause.SoI neversawtheendofthatinterview. 9.
"WHEREAREyegoing?"saidavoicewithastrongScotchaccent.Istoppedandlooked.The soundoftheunicornshadlongsincediedawayandmyflighthadbroughtmetoopencountry.I sawthemountainswheretheunchangingsunriselay,andintheforegroundtwoorthreepinesona littleknoll,withsomelargesmoothrocks,andheather.Ononeoftherockssataverytallman, almostagiant,withaflowingbeard.IhadnotyetlookedoneoftheSolidPeopleintheface.Now, whenIdid so,Idiscoveredthatoneseesthemwithakindofdoublevision.Herewasanenthroned andshininggod,whoseagelessspiritweigheduponminelikeaburdenofsolidgold:andyet,atthe verysamemoment,herewasanoldweather-beatenman,onewhomight havebeenashepherdsuchamanastouriststhinksimplebecauseheishonestandneighboursthink"deep"forthesame reason.Hiseyeshadthefar-seeinglookofonewhohaslivedlonginopen,solitaryplaces;and somehowIdivinedthenetworkofwrinkleswhichmusthavesurroundedthembeforere-birthhad washedhiminimmortality.
"I-Idon'tquiteknow,"saidI.
"Yecansitandtalktome,then,"hesaid,makingroomformeonthestone.
"Idon'tknowyou,Sir,"saidI,takingmyseatbesidehim.
"MynameisGeorge,"heanswered."GeorgeMacdonald."
"Oh!"Icried."Thenyoucantellme!Youatleastwillnotdeceiveme."Then,supposingthatthese expressionsofconfidenceneededsomeexplanation,Itried,trembling,totellthismanallthathis writingshaddoneforme.ItriedtotellhowacertainfrostyafternoonatLeatherheadStationwhen IfirstboughtacopyofPhantasies(beingthenaboutsixteenyearsold)hadbeentomewhatthe firstsightofBeatricehadbeentoDante:HerebeginstheNewLife.Istartedtoconfesshowlong thatLifehaddelayedintheregionofimaginationmerely:howslowlyandreluctantlyIhadcome toadmitthathisChristendomhadmorethananaccidentalconnexionwithit,howhardIhadtried nottoseethatthetruenameofthequalitywhichfirstmetmeinhisbooksisHoliness.Helaidhis handonmineandstoppedme.
"Son,"hesaid,"yourlove-alllove-isofinexpressiblevaluetome.Butitmaysaveprecioustime" (herehesuddenlylookedveryScotch)"ifIinformyethatIamalreadywellacquaintedwiththese biographicaldetails.Infact,Ihavenoticedthatyourmemorymisleadsyouinoneortwo particulars."
"Oh!"saidI,andbecamestill.
"Yehadstarted,"saidmyTeacher,"totalkofsomethingmoreprofitable."
"Sir,"saidI,"Ihadalmostforgottenit,andIhavenoanxietyabouttheanswernow,thoughIhave stillacuriosity.ItisabouttheseGhosts.Doanyofthemstay?Cantheystay?Isanyrealchoice offeredtothem?Howdotheycometobehere?"
"DidyeneverhearoftheRefrigerium?Amanwithyouradvantagesmighthavereadofitin Prudentius,nottomentionJeremyTaylor."
"Thenameisfamiliar,Sir,butI'mafraidI'veforgottenwhatitmeans."
"Itmeansthatthedamnedhaveholidays- excursions,yeunderstand."
"Excursionstothiscountry?"
"Forthosethatwilltakethem.Ofcoursemostofthesillycreaturesdon't.Theyprefertakingtrips backtoEarth.Theygoandplaytricksonthepoordaftwomenyecallmediums.Theygoandtryto asserttheirownershipofsomehousethatoncebelongedtothem:andthenyegetwhat'scalleda Haunting.Ortheygotospyontheirchildren.OrliteraryGhostshangaboutpubliclibrariestosee ifanyone'sstillreadingtheirbooks."
"Butiftheycomeheretheycanreallystay?"
"Aye.Ye'llhaveheardthattheemperorTrajandid."
"ButIdon'tunderstand.Isjudgmentnotfinal?IstherereallyawayoutofHellintoHeaven?" "Itdependsonthewayyou'reusingthewords.Iftheyleavethatgreytownbehinditwillnothave beenHell.Toanythatleavesit,itisPurgatory.Andperhapsyehadbetternotcallthiscountry Heaven.NotDeepHeaven,yeunderstand."(Herehesmiledatme)."YecancallittheValleyof theShadowofLife.Andyettothose whostayhereitwillhavebeenHeavenfromthefirst.Andye cancallthosesadstreetsinthetownyondertheValleyoftheShadowofDeath:buttothosewho remaintheretheywillhavebeenHellevenfromthebeginning." IsupposehesawthatIlookedpuzzled,forpresentlyhespokeagain.
"Son,"hesaid,"yecannotinyourpresentstateunderstandeternity:whenAnodoslookedthrough thedooroftheTimeless,hebroughtnomessageback.Butyecangetsomelikenessofitifyesay thatbothgoodandevil,whentheyarefullgrown,becomeretrospective.Notonlythisvalleybutall thisearthlypastwillhavebeenHeaventothosewhoaresaved.Notonlythetwilightinthattown, butalltheirlifeonearthtoo,willthenbeseenbythedamnedtohavebeenHell.Thatiswhat mortalsmisunderstand.Theysayofsometemporalsuffering,'Nofutureblisscanmakeupforit,' notknowingthatHeaven,onceattained,willworkbackwardsandturneventhatagonyintoa glory.Andofsomesinfulpleasuretheysay'LetmebuthavethisandI'lltaketheconsequences': littledreaminghowdamnationwillspreadbackandbackintotheirpastandcontaminatethe pleasureofthesin.Bothprocessesbeginevenbeforedeath.Thegoodman'spastbeginstochange sothathisforgivensinsandrememberedsorrowstakeonthequalityofHeaven:thebadman'spast alreadyconformstohisbadnessandisfilledonlywithdreariness.Andthatiswhy,attheendofall things,whenthesunriseshereandthetwilightturnstoblacknessdownthere,theBlessedwillsay, 'WehaveneverlivedanywhereexceptinHeaven,'andtheLost,'WewerealwaysinHell.'And bothwillspeaktruly.""Isnotthatveryhard,Sir?""Imean,thatistherealsenseofwhattheywill say.IntheactuallanguageoftheLost,thewordswillbedifferent,nodoubt.Onewillsayhehas alwaysservedhiscountryrightorwrong;andanotherthathehassacrificedeverythingtohisArt;
andsomethatthey'veneverbeentakenin,andsomethat,thankGod,they'vealwayslookedafter NumberOne,andnearlyall,that,atleastthey'vebeentruetothemselves.""AndtheSaved?"
"Ah,theSaved...whathappenstothemisbestdescribedastheoppositeofamirage.What seemed,whentheyenteredit,tobethevaleofmiseryturnsout,whentheylookback,tohavebeen awell;andwherepresentexperiencesawonlysaltdesertsmemorytruthfullyrecordsthatthepools werefullofwater."
"ThenthosepeoplearerightwhosaythatHeavenandHellareonlystatesofmind?"
"Hush,"saidhesternly."Donotblaspheme.Hellisastateofmind-yeneversaidatruerword.And everystateofmind,lefttoitself,everyshuttingupofthecreaturewithinthedungeonofitsown mind-is,intheend,Hell.ButHeavenisnotastate ofmind.Heavenisrealityitself.Allthatisfully realisHeavenly.Forallthatcanbeshakenwillbeshakenandonlytheunshakableremains."
"Butthereisarealchoiceafterdeath?MyRomanCatholicfriendswouldbesurprised,fortothem soulsinPurgatoryarealreadysaved.AndmyProtestantfriendswouldlikeitnobetter,forthey'd saythatthetreeliesasitfalls."
"They'rebothright,maybe.Donotfashyourselfwithsuchquestions.Yecannotfullyunderstand therelationsofchoiceandTimetillyouarebeyondboth.Andyewerenotbroughtheretostudy suchcuriosities.Whatconcernsyouisthenatureofthechoiceitself:andthatyecanwatchthem making."
"Well,Sir,"Isaid,"thatalsoneedsexplaining.Whatdotheychoose,thesesoulswhogoback(I haveyetseennoothers)?Andhowcantheychooseit?"
"Miltonwasright,"saidmyTeacher."Thechoiceofeverylostsoulcanbeexpressedinthewords 'BettertoreigninHellthanserveinHeaven.'Thereisalwayssomethingtheyinsistonkeeping, evenatthepriceofmisery.Thereisalwayssomethingtheyprefertojoy- thatis,toreality.Yesee iteasilyenoughinaspoiledchildthatwouldsoonermissitsplayanditssupperthansayitwas sorryandbefriends.YecallittheSulks. Butinadultlifeithasahundredfinenames-Achilles' wrathandCoriolanus'grandeur,RevengeandInjuredMeritandSelf-RespectandTragicGreatness andProperPride."
"Thenisnoonelostthroughtheundignifiedvices,Sir?Throughmeresensuality?"
"Someare,nodoubt.Thesensualist,I'llallowye,beginsbypursuingarealpleasure,thougha smallone.Hissinistheless.Butthetimecomesonwhen,thoughthepleasurebecomeslessand lessandthecravingfiercerandfiercer,andthoughheknows thatjoycannevercomethatway,yet hepreferstojoythemerefondlingofunappeasablelustandwouldnothaveittakenfromhim.He'd fighttothedeathtokeepit.He'dlikewelltobeabletoscratch:butevenwhenhecanscratchno morehe'drather itchthannot."
Hewassilentforafewminutes,andthenbeganagain.
"Ye'llunderstand,thereareinnumerableformsofthischoice.Sometimesformsthatonehardly thoughtofatallonearth.Therewasacreaturecameherenotlongagoandwentback -Sir Archibaldtheycalledhim.Inhisearthlylifehe'dbeeninterestedinnothingbutSurvival.He'd writtenawholeshelf-fullofbooksaboutit.Hebeganbybeingphilosophical,butintheendhetook
upPsychicalResearch.Itgrewtobehisonlyoccupation-experimenting,lecturing,runninga magazine.Andtravellingtoo:diggingoutqueerstoriesamongThibetan lamasandbeinginitiatedintobrotherhoodsinCentralAfrica.Proofs-andmoreproofs-andthen moreproofsagain-werewhathewanted.Itdrovehimmadifeverhesawanyonetakinganinterest inanythingelse.Hegotintotroubleduringoneofyourwarsforrunningupanddownthecountry tellingthemnottofightbecauseitwastedalotofmoneythatoughttobespentonResearch.Well, ingoodtime,thepoorcreaturediedandcamehere:andtherewasnopowerintheuniversewould havepreventedhimstayingandgoingontothemountains.Butdoyethinkthatdidhimanygood? Thiscountrywasnousetohimatall.Everyoneherehad'survived'already.Nobodytooktheleast interestinthequestion.Therewasnothingmoretoprove.Hisoccupationwascleangone.Of courseifhewouldonlyhaveadmittedthathe'dmistakenthemeansfortheendandhadagood laughathimselfhecouldhavebegunalloveragainlikealittlechildandenteredintojoy.Buthe wouldnotdothat.Hecarednothingaboutjoy.Intheendhewentaway."
"Howfantastic!"saidI.
"Doyethinkso?"saidtheTeacherwithapiercingglance."Itisnearertosuchasyouthanyethink. TherehavebeenmenbeforenowwhogotsointerestedinprovingtheexistenceofGodthatthey cametocarenothingforGodHimself...asifthegoodLordhadnothingtodobutexist!There havebeensomewhoweresooccupiedinspreadingChristianity thattheynevergaveathoughtto Christ.Man!Yeseeitinsmallermatters.Didyeneverknowaloverofbooksthatwithallhisfirst editionsandsignedcopieshadlostthepowertoreadthem?Oranorganiserofcharitiesthathad lostallloveforthepoor?Itisthesubtlestofallthesnares."
Movedbyadesiretochangethesubject,IaskedwhytheSolidPeople,sincetheywerefulloflove, didnotgodownintoHelltorescuetheGhosts.Whyweretheycontentsimplytomeetthemonthe plain?One wouldhaveexpectedamoremilitantcharity.
"Yewillunderstandthatbetter,perhaps,beforeyego,"saidhe."Inthemeantime,Imusttellye theyhavecomefurtherforthesakeoftheGhoststhanyecanunderstand.Everyoneofuslives onlytojourney furtherandfurtherintothemountains.Everyoneofushasinterruptedthatjourney andretracedimmeasurabledistancestocomedowntodayonthemerechanceofsavingsome Ghosts.Ofcourseitisalsojoytodoso,butyecannotblameusforthat!Anditwouldbenouseto comefurtherevenifitwerepossible.Thesanewoulddonogoodiftheymadethemselvesmadto helpmadmen."
"ButwhatofthepoorGhostswhonevergetintotheomnibusatall?"
"Everyonewhowishesitdoes.Neverfear.Thereareonlytwokindsofpeopleintheend:those whosaytoGod,'Thywillbedone,'andthosetowhomGodsays,intheend,'Thywillbedone.'All thatareinHell,chooseit.Withoutthatself-choicetherecouldbenoHell.Nosoulthatseriously andconstantlydesiresjoywillevermissit.Thosewhoseekfind.Tothosewhoknockitisopened." AtthismomentweweresuddenlyinterruptedbythethinvoiceofaGhosttalkingatanenormous speed.Lookingbehinduswesawthecreature.ItwasaddressingoneoftheSolidPeopleandwas doingsotoobusilytonoticeus.EverynowandthentheSolidSpirittriedtogetinawordbut withoutsuccess.TheGhost'stalkwaslikethis:
"Oh,mydear,I'vehadsuchadreadfultime,Idon'tknowhowIevergothereatall,I wascoming withElinorStoneandwe'darrangedthewholethingandweweretomeetatthecornerofSink
Street;ImadeitperfectlyplainbecauseIknewwhatshewaslikeandifItoldheronceItoldhera hundredtimesIwouldnotmeetheroutsidethatdreadfulMarjori-bankswoman'shouse,notafter thewayshe'dtreatedme...thatwasoneofthemostdreadfulthingsthathappenedtome;I'vebeen dyingtotellyoubecauseIfeltsureyou'dtellmeIactedrightly;no,waitamoment,dear,tillI've toldyou-ItriedlivingwithherwhenIfirstcameanditwasallfixedup,shewastodothecooking andIwastolookafterthehouseandIdidthinkIwasgoingtobecomfortableafterallI'dbeen throughbutsheturnedouttobesochanged,absolutelyselfish,andnotaparticleofsympathyfor anyonebutherself-andasIoncesaidtoher'IdothinkI'mentitledtoalittleconsiderationbecause youatleastlivedoutyourtime,butIoughtn'ttohavebeenhereforyearsandyearsyet'-butof courseI'mforgettingyoudon'tknow-Iwasmurdered,simplymurdered,dear,thatman shouldneverhaveoperated,Ioughttobealiveto-dayandtheysimplystarvedmeinthatdreadful nursinghomeandnooneevercamenearmeand..."Theshrillmonotonouswhinediedawayas thespeaker,stillaccompaniedbythebrightpatienceatherside,movedoutofhearing."What troublesye,son?"askedmyTeacher."Iamtroubled,Sir,"saidI,"becausethatunhappycreature doesn'tseemtometobethesortofsoul thatoughttobeevenindangerofdamnation.Sheisn't wicked:she'sonlyasilly,garrulousoldwomanwhohasgotintoahabitofgrumbling,andone feelsthatalittlekindness,andrest,andchangewouldputherallright."
"Thatiswhatsheoncewas.Thatismaybewhatshestillis.Ifso,shecertainlywillbecured.But thewholequestioniswhethersheisnowagrumbler."
"Ishouldhavethoughttherewasnodoubtaboutthat!"
"Aye,butyemisunderstandme.Thequestioniswhethersheisagrumbler,oronlyagrumble.If thereisarealwoman-eventheleasttraceofone-stillthereinsidethegrumbling,itcanbebrought tolifeagain.Ifthere'soneweesparkunderallthoseashes,we'llblowittillthewholepileisred andclear.Butifthere'snothingbutasheswe'llnotgoonblowingtheminourowneyesforever. Theymustbesweptup."
"Buthowcantherebeagrumblewithoutagrumbler?"
"ThewholedifficultyofunderstandingHellisthatthethingtobeunderstoodissonearlyNothing. Butye'llhavehadexperiences...itbeginswithagrumblingmood,andyourselfstilldistinctfrom it:perhapscriticisingit.Andyourself,inadarkhour,maywillthatmood,embraceit.Yecan repentandcomeoutofitagain.Buttheremaycomeadaywhenyoucandothatnolonger.Then therewillbenoyoulefttocriticisethemood,noreventoenjoyit,butjustthegrumbleitselfgoing onforeverlikeamachine.Butcome!Yeareheretowatchandlisten.Leanonmyarmandwewill goforalittlewalk."
Iobeyed.Toleanonthearmofsomeoneolderthanmyselfwasanexperiencethatcarriedmeback tochildhood,andwiththissupportIfoundthegoingtolerable:somuchso,indeed,thatIflattered myselfmyfeetwerealreadygrowingmoresolid,untilaglanceatthepoortransparentshapes convincedmethatIowedallthiseasetothestrongarmoftheTeacher.Perhapsitwasbecauseof hispresencethatmyothersensesalsoappearedtobequickened.Inoticedscentsintheairwhich hadhithertoescapedme,andthecountryputonnewbeauties.Therewaswatereverywhereand tinyflowersquiveringintheearlybreeze.Faroffinthewoodswesawthedeerglancingpast,and, onceasleekpanthercamepurringtomycompanion'sside.Wealsosawmanyof theGhosts.
IthinkthemostpitiablewasafemaleGhost.Hertroublewastheveryoppositeofthatwhich afflictedtheother,theladyfrightenedbytheUnicorns.Thisoneseemedquiteunawareofher phantasmalappearance.Morethanoneofthe SolidPeopletriedtotalktoher,andatfirstIwas quiteatalosstounderstandherbehaviourtothem.Sheappearedtobecontortingherallbut invisiblefaceandwrithinghersmokelikebodyinaquitemeaninglessfashion.AtlastIcametothe conclusion-incredibleasitseemed-thatshesupposedherselfstillcapableofattractingthemand wastryingtodoso.Shewasathingthathadbecomeincapableofconceivingconversationsaveas ameanstothatend.Ifacorpsealreadyliquidwithdecayhadarisenfromthecoffin,smearedits gumswithlipstick,andattemptedaflirtation,theresultcouldnothavebeenmoreappalling.Inthe endshemuttered"Stupidcreatures,"andturnedbacktothebus.Thisputmeinmindtoaskmy TeacherwhathethoughtoftheaffairwiththeUnicorns."Itwillmaybehavesucceeded,"hesaid. "Yewillhavedivinedthathemeanttofrightenher;notthatfearitselfcouldmakeherlessaGhost, butifittookhermindamomentoffherself,theremight,inthatmoment,bea chance.Ihaveseen themsavedso."
WemetseveralGhoststhathadcomesoneartoHeavenonlyinordertotelltheCelestialsabout Hell.Indeedthisisoneofthecommonesttypes.Others,whohadperhapsbeen(likemyself) teachersofsomekindactuallywantedtogivelecturesaboutit:theybroughtfatnotebooksfullof statistics,andmaps,and(oneofthem)amagiclantern.Somewantedtotellanecdotesofthe notorioussinnersofallageswhomtheyhadmetbelow.Butthemostpartseemedtothinkthatthe merefactofhavingcontrivedforthemselvessomuchmiserygavethemakindofsuperiority."You haveledashelteredlife!"theybawled."Youdon'tknowtheseamyside.We'lltellyou.We'llgive yousomehardfacts"-asiftotingeHeavenwithinfernalimagesandcolourshadbeentheonly purposeforwhichtheycame.Allalike,sofarasIcouldjudgefrommyownexplorationofthe lowerworld,werewhollyunreliable,andallequallyincuriousaboutthecountryinwhichtheyhad arrived.Theyrepelledeveryattempttoteachthem,andwhentheyfoundthatnobodylistenedto themtheywentback,onebyone,tothebus.
ThiscuriouswishtodescribeHellturnedout,however,tobeonlythemildestformofadesirevery commonamongtheGhosts-thedesiretoextendHell,tobringitbodily,iftheycould,intoHeaven. Thereweretub-thumpingGhostswhointhin,batlikevoicesurgedtheblessedspiritstoshakeoff theirfetters,toescapefromtheirimprisonmentinhappiness,toteardownthemountainswiththeir hands,toseizeHeaven"fortheirown":Hellofferedherco-operation.TherewereplanningGhosts whoimploredthemtodamtheriver,cutdownthetrees,killtheanimals,buildamountainrailway, smoothoutthehorriblegrassandmossandheatherwithasphalt.TherewerematerialisticGhosts whoinformedtheimmortalsthattheyweredeluded:therewasnolifeafterdeath,andthiswhole countrywasahallucination.TherewereGhosts,plainandsimple:merebogies,fullyconsciousof theirowndecay,whohadacceptedthetraditionalroleofthespectre,andseemedtohopethey couldfrightensomeone.Ihadhadnoideathatthisdesirewaspossible.ButmyTeacherreminded methatthepleasureoffrighteningisbynomeansunknownonearth,andalso ofTacitus'saying: "Theyterrifylesttheyshouldfear."Whenthedebrisofadecayedhumansoulfindsitselfcrumbled intoghosthoodandrealises"Imyselfamnowthatwhichallhumanityhasfeared,Iamjustthat coldchurchyardshadow,thathorriblethingwhichcannotbe,yetsomehowis,"thentoterrify othersappearstoitanescapefromthedoomofbeingaGhostyetstillfearingGhosts-fearingeven theGhostitis.Fortobeafraidofoneselfisthelasthorror.
But,beyondallthese,Isawothergrotesquephantomsinwhichhardlyatraceofthehumanform remained;monsterswhohadfacedthejourneytothebusstop-perhapsforthemitwasthousandsof miles-andcomeuptothecountryoftheShadowofLifeandlimpedfarintoitoverthetorturing grass,onlytospitandgibberoutinoneecstasyofhatredtheirenvyand(whatisharderto understand)theircontempt,ofjoy.Thevoyageseemedtothemasmallpricetopayifonce,only once,withinsightofthateternaldawn,theycouldtellthe prigs,thetoffs,thesanctimonioushumbugs,thesnobs,the"haves,"whattheythoughtofthem. "Howdotheycometohereatall?"IaskedmyTeacher.
"Ihaveseenthatkindconverted,"saidhe,"whenthoseyewouldthinklessdeeplydamnedhave goneback.Thosethathategoodnessaresometimesnearerthanthosethatknownothingatallabout itandthinktheyhaveitalready."
"Whisht,now!"saidmyTeachersuddenly.Wewerestandingclosetosomebushesandbeyond themIsawoneoftheSolidPeopleandaGhostwhohadapparentlyjustthatmomentmet.The outlinesoftheGhostlookedvaguelyfamiliar,butIsoonrealizedthatwhatIhadseenonearthwas notthemanhimselfbutphotographsofhiminthepapers.Hehadbeenafamousartist.
"God!"saidtheGhost,glancingroundthelandscape. "Godwhat?"askedtheSpirit.
"Whatdoyoumean,'Godwhat'?"askedtheGhost. "InourgrammerGodisanoun."
"Oh-Isee.Ionlymeant'ByGum'orsomethingofthesort.Imeant...well,allthis.It's...it's...I shouldliketopaintthis."
"Ishouldn'tbotheraboutthatjustatpresentifIwereyou."
"Lookhere;isn'tonegoingtobeallowedtogoonpainting?" "Lookingcomesfirst.""ButI'vehadmylook.I'veseenjustwhatIwanttodo.God!-IwishI'd thoughtofbringingmythingswithme!"
TheSpiritshookhishead,scatteringlightfromhishairashedidso."Thatsortofthing'snogood here,"hesaid.
"Whatdoyoumean?"saidtheGhost.
"Whenyoupaintedonearth-atleastinyourearlierdays-itwasbecauseyoucaughtglimpsesof Heavenintheearthlylandscape.Thesuccessofyourpaintingwasthatitenabledotherstoseethe glimpsestoo.Buthereyouarehavingthethingitself.Itisfromherethatthemessagescame.There isnogoodtellingusabout thiscountry,forweseeitalready.Infactweseeitbetterthanyoudo."
"Thenthere'snevergoingtobeanypointinpaintinghere?"
"Idon'tsaythat.Whenyou'vegrownintoaPerson(it'sallright,weallhadtodoit)there'llbesome thingswhichyou'llseebetterthananyoneelse.Oneofthethingsyou'llwanttodowillbetotellus aboutthem.Butnotyet.Atpresentyourbusinessistosee.Comeandsee.Heisendless.Comeand feed."
Therewasalittlepause."Thatwillbedelightful,"saidtheGhostpresentlyinaratherdullvoice.
"Come,then,"saidtheSpirit,offeringithisarm.
"HowsoondoyouthinkIcouldbeginpainting?"itasked.
TheSpiritbrokeintolaughter."Don'tyouseeyou'llneverpaintatallifthat'swhatyou'rethinking about?"hesaid.
"Whatdoyoumean?"askedtheGhost.
"Why,ifyouareinterestedinthecountryonlyforthesakeofpaintingit,you'llneverlearntosee thecountry."
"Butthat'sjusthowarealartistisinterestedinthecountry."
"No.You're forgetting,"saidtheSpirit."Thatwasnothowyoubegan.Lightitselfwasyourfirst love:youlovedpaintonlyasameansoftellingaboutlight."
"Oh,that'sagesago,"saidtheGhost."Onegrowsoutofthat.Ofcourse,youhaven'tseenmylater works.Onebecomesmoreandmoreinterestedinpaintforitsownsake."
"Onedoes,indeed.Ialsohavehadtorecoverfromthat.Itwasallasnare.Inkandcatgutandpaint werenecessarydownthere,buttheyarealsodangerousstimulants.Everypoetandmusicianand artist,butforGrace,isdrawnawayfromloveofthethinghetells,toloveofthetellingtill,downin DeepHell,theycannotbeinterestedinGodatallbutonlyinwhattheysayaboutHim.Forit doesn'tstopatbeinginterestedinpaint,youknow.Theysinklower-becomeinterestedintheirown personalitiesandtheninnothingbuttheirownreputations."
"Idon'tthinkI'mmuchtroubledinthatway,"saidtheGhoststiffly.
"That'sexcellent,"saidtheSpirit."Notmanyofushadquitegotoveritwhenwefirstarrived.But ifthereisanyofthatinflammationleftitwillbecuredwhenyoucometothefountain."
"Whatfountain'sthat?"
"Itisupthereinthemountains,"saidtheSpirit."Verycoldandclear,betweentwogreenhills.A littlelikeLethe.Whenyouhavedrunkofityouforgetforeverallproprietorshipinyourown works.Youenjoythemjustasiftheyweresomeoneelse's:withoutprideandwithoutmodesty."
"That'llbegrand,"saidtheGhostwithoutenthusiasm.
"Well,come," saidtheSpirit:andforafewpaceshesupportedthehobblingshadowforwardtothe East.
"Ofcourse,"saidtheGhost,asifspeakingtoitself,"there'llalwaysbeinterestingpeopletomeet... ."
"Everyonewillbeinteresting."
"Oh-ah-yes,tobesure.Iwasthinkingofpeopleinourownline.ShallImeetClaude?OrCezanne? Or ."
"Soonerorlater-ifthey'rehere."
"Butdon'tyouknow?"
"Well,ofcoursenot.I'veonlybeenhereafewyears.Allthechancesareagainstmyhavingrun acrossthem...thereareagoodmanyofus,youknow."
"Butsurelyinthecaseofdistinguishedpeople,you'dhear?"
"Buttheyaren'tdistinguished-nomorethananyoneelse.Don'tyouunderstand?TheGloryflows intoeveryone,andbackfromeveryone:likelight andmirrors.Butthelight'sthething."
"Doyoumeantherearenofamousmen?"
"Theyareallfamous.Theyareallknown,remembered,recognisedbytheonlyMindthatcangive aperfectjudgment."
"Of,ofcourse,inthatsense..."saidtheGhost.
"Don'tstop,"saidtheSpirit,makingtoleadhimstillforward.
"Onemustbecontentwithone'sreputationamongposterity,then,"saidtheGhost.
"Myfriend,"saidtheSpirit."Don'tyouknow?"
"Knowwhat?"
"ThatyouandIarealreadycompletelyforgottenon theEarth?"
"Eh?What'sthat?"exclaimedtheGhost,disengagingitsarm."DoyoumeanthosedamnedNeoRegionalistshavewonafterall?"
"Lordloveyou,yes!"saidtheSpirit,oncemoreshakingandshiningwithlaughter."Youcouldn't getfivepoundsforanypictureofmineorevenofyoursinEuropeorAmericato-day.We'redead outoffashion."
"Imustbeoffatonce,"saidtheGhost."Letmego!Damnitall,onehasone'sdutytothefutureof Art.Imustgobacktomyfriends.Imustwriteanarticle.Theremustbeamanifesto.Wemuststart aperiodical.Wemusthavepublicity.Letmego.Thisisbeyondajoke!"
AndwithoutlisteningtotheSpirit'sreply,thespectrevanished.
10.
THISCONVERSATIONalsoweoverheard.
"Thatisquite,quiteoutofthequestion,"saidafemaleGhosttooneofthebrightWomen,"Ishould notdreamofstayingifI'mexpectedtomeetRobert.Iamreadytoforgivehim,ofcourse.But anythingmoreisquiteimpossible.Howhecomestobehere...butthatisyouraffair."
"Butifyouhaveforgivenhim,"saidtheother,"surely ."
"IforgivehimasaChristian,"saidtheGhost."Buttherearesomethingsonecanneverforget."
"ButIdon'tunderstand..."begantheShe-Spirit.
"Exactly,"saidtheGhostwithalittlelaugh."Youneverdid.YoualwaysthoughtRobertcoulddo nowrong.Iknow.Pleasedon'tinterruptforonemoment.Youhaven'tthefaintestconceptionof whatIwentthroughwithyourdearRobert.Theingratitude!ItwasIwhomadeamanofhim! Sacrificedmywholelifetohim!Andwhatwasmyreward?Absolute,utterselfishness.No,but
listen.HewaspotteringalongonaboutsixhundredayearwhenImarriedhim.Andmarkmy words,Hilda,he'dhavebeeninthatpositiontothedayofhisdeathifithadn'tbeenforme.ItwasI whohadtodrivehimeverystepoftheway.Hehadn'tasparkofambition.Itwasliketryingtolift asackofcoal.Ihadtopositivelynaghimtotakeonthatextraworkintheotherdepartment, thoughitwasreallythebeginningofeverythingforhim.Thelazinessofmen!Hesaid,ifyou please,hecouldn'tworkmorethanthirteenhoursaday!AsifIweren'tworkingfarlonger.Formy day'sworkwasn'toverwhenhiswas.Ihadtokeephimgoingallevening,ifyouunderstandwhatI mean.Ifhe'dhadhiswayhe'dhavejustsatinanarmchairandsulkedwhendinnerwasover.Itwas Iwhohadtodrawhimoutofhimselfandbrightenhimupandmakeconversation.Withnohelp fromhim,ofcourse.Sometimeshedidn'tevenlisten.AsIsaidtohim,Ishouldhavethoughtgood manners,ifnothingelse...heseemedtohaveforgottenthatIwasaladyevenifIhadmarriedhim, andallthetimeIwasworkingmyfingerstotheboneforhim:andwithouttheslightest appreciation.Iusedto spendsimplyhoursarrangingflowerstomakethatpokylittlehousenice, andinsteadofthankingme,whatdoyouthinkhesaid?Saidhewished Iwouldn'tfillupthewritingdeskwiththemwhenhewantedtouseit:andtherewasaperfectly frightfulfussoneeveningbecauseI'dspilledoneofthevasesoversomepapersofhis.Itwasall nonsensereally,becausetheyweren'tanythingtodowithhiswork.Hehadsomesillyideaof writingabookinthosedays...asifhecould.Icuredhimofthatinthe end.
"No,Hilda,youmustlistentome.ThetroubleIwentto,entertaining!Robert'sideawasthathe'd justslinkoffbyhimselfeverynowandthentoseewhathecalledhisoldfriends...andleaveme toamusemyself!ButIknewfromthefirstthat thosefriendsweredoinghimnogood.'No,Robert,' saidI,'yourfriendsarenowmine.Itismydutytohavethemhere,howevertiredIamandhowever littlewecanaffordit.'You'dhavethoughtthatwouldhavebeenenough.Buttheydidcomefora bit.ThatiswhereIhadtouseacertainamountoftact.Awomanwhohasherwitsabouthercan alwaysdropinawordhereandthere.IwantedRoberttoseethemagainstadifferentbackground. Theyweren'tquiteattheirease,somehow,inmydrawing-room:nor attheirbest.Icouldn'thelp laughingsometimes.OfcourseRobertwasuncomfortablewhilethetreatmentwasgoingon,butit wasallforhisowngoodintheend.Noneofthatsetwerefriendsofhisanylongerbytheendof thefirstyear.
"Andthen,hegotthenewjob.Agreatstepup.Butwhatdoyouthink?Insteadofrealisingthatwe nowhadachancetospreadoutabit,allhesaidwas'Wellnow,forGod'ssakelet'shavesome peace.'Thatnearlyfinishedme.Inearlygavehimupaltogether:butIknewmyduty.Ihavealways donemyduty.Youcan'tbelievetheworkIhadgettinghimtoagreetoabiggerhouse,andthen findingahouse.Iwouldn'thavegrudgeditonescrapifonlyhe'dtakenitintherightspirit-ifonly he'dseenthefunofitall. Ifhe'dbeenadifferentsortofmanitwouldhavebeenfunmeetinghim onthedoorstepashecamebackfromtheofficeandsaying,'Comealong,Bobs,notimefordinner to-night.I'vejustheardofahouseoutnearWatfordandI'vegotthekeysandwecangetthereand backbyoneo'clock.'Butwithhim!Itwasperfectmisery,Hilda.Forbythistimeyourwonderful Robertwasturningintothesortofmanwhocaresaboutnothingbutfood.
"Well,Igothimintothenewhouseatlast.Yes,Iknow.Itwasalittlemorethanwecouldreally affordatthemoment,butallsortsofthingswereopeningoutbeforehim.And,ofcourse,Ibegan toentertainproperly.Nomoreofhissortoffriends,thankyou.Iwasdoingitallforhissake.Every usefulfriendheevermadewasduetome.Naturally,Ihadtodresswell.Theyoughttohavebeen thehappiestyearsofbothourlives.Iftheyweren't,hehadnoonebuthimselftothank.Oh,hewas
amaddeningman,simplymaddening!Hejustsethimselftogetoldandsilent andgrumpy.Just sankintohimself.Hecouldhavelookedyearsyoungerifhe'dtakenthetrouble.Heneedn'thave walkedwithastoop-I'msureIwarnedhimaboutthatoftenenough.Hewasthemostmiserable host.Wheneverwegaveapartyeverythingrestedonmyshoulders:Robertwassimplyawet blanket.AsIsaidtohim(andifIsaiditonce,Isaiditahundredtimes)hehadn'talwaysbeenlike that.Therehadbeenatimewhenhetookaninterestinallsortsofthingsandhadbeenquiteready tomakefriends.'Whatonearthiscomingoveryou?'Iusedtosay.Butnowhejustdidn'tanswerat all.Hewouldsitstaringatmewithhisgreatbigeyes.(Icametohateamanwithdarkeyes)and-I knowitnow-justhatingme.Thatwasmyreward.AfterallI'ddone.Sheerwicked,senseless hatred:attheverymomentwhenhewasarichermanthanhe'deverdreamedofbeing!AsIusedto saytohim,'Robert,you'resimplylettingyourselfgotoseed.'Theyoungermenwhocametothe house-itwasn'tmyfaultifthey likedmebetterthanrnyoldbearofahusband-usedtolaughathim.
"Ididmydutytotheveryend.Iforcedhimtotakeexercise-thatwasreallymychiefreasonfor keepingagreatDane.Ikeptongivingparties.Itookhimforthemostwonderfulholidays.Isaw thathedidn'tdrinktoomuch.Even,whenthingsbecamedesperate,Iencouragedhimtotakeuphis writingagain.Itcouldn'tdoanyharmbythen.HowcouldIhelpitifhedidhaveanervous breakdownintheend?Myconscienceisclear.I'vedonemydutybyhim,ifeverawomanhas.So youseewhyitwouldbeimpossibleto...
"Andyet...Idon'tknow.IbelieveIhavechangedmymind.I'llmakethemafairoffer,Hilda.I willnotmeethim,ifitmeansjustmeetinghimandnomore.ButifI'm givenafreehandI'lltake chargeofhimagain.Iwilltakeupmyburdenoncemore.ButImusthaveafreehand.Withallthe timeonewouldhavehere,IbelieveIcouldmakesomethingofhim.Somewherequitetoourselves. Wouldn'tthatbeagoodplan?He'snotfittobeonhisown.Putmeinchargeofhim.Hewantsfirm handling.Iknowhimbetterthanyoudo.What'sthat?No,givehimtome,doyouhear?Don't consulthim:justgivehimtome.I'mhiswife,aren'tI?Iwasonlybeginning.There'slots,lots,lots ofthingsIstillwanttodowithhim.No,listen,Hilda.Please,please!I'msomiserable.Imusthave someoneto-todothingsto.It'ssimplyfrightfuldownthere.Noonemindsaboutmeatall.Ican't alterthem.It'sdreadfultoseethemall sittingaboutandnotbeabletodoanythingwiththem.Give himbacktome.Whyshouldhehaveeverythinghisownway?It'snogoodforhim.Itisn'tright, it'snotfair.IwantRobert.Whatrighthaveyoutokeephimfromme?Ihateyou.HowcanIpay himoutifyouwon'tletmehavehim?"
TheGhostwhichhadtowereduplikeadyingcandleflamesnappedsuddenly.Asour,drysmell lingeredintheairforamomentandthentherewasnoGhosttobeseen.
11.
ONEOFthemostpainfulmeetingswewitnessedwasbetweenawoman'sGhostandaBrightSpirit whohadapparentlybeenherbrother.Theymusthavemetonlyamomentbeforeweranacross them,fortheGhostwasjustsayinginatoneofunconcealeddisappointment,"Oh...Reginald!It's you,isit?"
"Yes,dear,"saidtheSpirit."Iknowyouexpectedsomeoneelse.Canyou...Ihopeyoucanbea littlegladtoseeevenme;forthepresent."
"IdidthinkMichaelwouldhavecome,"saidtheGhost;andthen,almostfiercely,"Heishere,of course?""He's there-farupinthemountains."
"Whyhasn'thecometomeetme?Didn'theknow?"
"Mydear(don'tworry,itwillallcomerightpresently)itwouldn'thavedone.Notyet.Hewouldn't beabletoseeorhearyouasyouareatpresent.You'dbetotallyinvisibletoMichael.Butwe'll soonbuildyouup."
"Ishouldhavethoughtifyoucanseeme,myownsoncould!"
"Itdoesn'talwayshappenlikethat.Yousee,Ihavespecialisedinthissortofwork."
"Oh,it'swork,isit?"snappedtheGhost.Then,afterapause,"Well.WhenamIgoingtobe allowedtoseehim?"
"There'snoquestionofbeingallowed,Pam.Assoonasit'spossibleforhimtoseeyou,ofcourse hewill.Youneedtobethickenedupabit."
"How?"saidtheGhost.Themonosyllablewashardandalittlethreatening.
"I'mafraidthefirststepisahardone,"saidtheSpirit."Butafterthatyou'llgoonlikeahouseon fire.YouwillbecomesolidenoughforMichaeltoperceiveyouwhenyoulearntowantsomeone elsebesidesMichael.Idon'tsay'morethanMichael,'notasabeginning.Thatwillcomelater.It's onlythelittlegermofadesireforGodthatweneedtostarttheprocess."
"Oh,youmeanreligionandallthatsortofthing?Thisishardlythemoment...andfromyou,ofall people.Well,nevermind.I'lldowhatever'snecessary.Whatdoyouwantmetodo?Comeon.The soonerIbeginit,thesoonerthey'llletmeseemyboy.I'mquiteready."
"But,Pam,dothink!Don'tyouseeyouarenotbeginningatallaslongasyouareinthatstateof mind?You'retreatingGodonlyasameanstoMichael.Butthewholethickeningtreatmentconsists inlearningtowantGodforHisownsake."
"Youwouldn'ttalklikethatifyouwereaMother."
"Youmean,ifIwereonlyamother.Butthereisnosuchthingasbeingonlyamother.Youexistas Michael'smotheronlybecauseyoufirstexistasGod'screature.Thatrelationisolderandcloser. No,listen,Pam!Healsoloves.Healsohassuffered.Healsohaswaitedalongtime."
"IfHelovedmeHe'dletmeseemyboy.IfHelovedmewhydidHetakeawayMichaelfromme?I wasn'tgoingtosayanythingaboutthat.Butit'sprettyhardtoforgive,youknow."
"ButHehadtotakeMichaelaway.PartlyforMichael'ssake...."
"I'msureIdidmybesttomakeMichaelhappy.Igaveupmywholelife...."
"Humanbeingscan'tmakeoneanotherreallyhappyforlong.Andsecondly,foryoursake.He wantedyourmerelyinstinctiveloveforyourchild(tigressessharethat,youknow!)toturninto somethingbetter.HewantedyoutoloveMichaelasHeunderstandslove.Youcannotlovea fellow-creaturefullytillyouloveGod.Sometimesthisconversioncanbedonewhiletheinstinctive
loveisstillgratified.Buttherewas,itseems,nochanceofthatinyourcase.Theinstinctwas uncontrolledandfierceandmonomaniac.(Askyourdaughter,oryourhusband.Askyourown mother.Youhaven'toncethoughtofher.)Theonlyremedywastotakeawayitsobject.Itwasa caseforsurgery.
Whenthatfirstkindoflovewasthwarted, thentherewasjustachancethatintheloneliness,inthe silence,somethingelsemightbegintogrow."
"Thisisallnonsense-cruelandwickednonsense.Whatrighthaveyoutosaythingslikethatabout Mother-love?Itisthehighestandholiestfeeling inhumannature."
"Pam,Pam-nonaturalfeelingsarehighorlow,holyorunholy,inthemselves.Theyareallholy whenGod'shandisontherein.Theyallgobadwhentheysetupontheirownandmake themselvesintofalsegods."
"MyloveforMichaelwould neverhavegonebad.Notifwe'dlivedtogetherformillionsofyears."
"Youaremistaken.Andyoumustknow.Haven'tyoumet-downthere-motherswhohavetheirsons withthem,inHell?Doestheirlovemakethemhappy?"
"IfyoumeanpeopleliketheGuthrie womanandherdreadfulBobby,ofcoursenot.Ihopeyou're notsuggesting....IfIhadMichaelI'dbeperfectlyhappy,eveninthattown.Iwouldn'tbealways talkingabouthimtilleveryonehatedthesoundofhisname,whichiswhatWinifredGuthriedoes aboutherbrat.Iwouldn'tquarrelwithpeoplefornottakingenoughnoticeofhimandthenbe furiouslyjealousiftheydid.Iwouldn'tgoaboutwhiningandcomplainingthathewasn'tniceto me.Because,ofcourse,hewouldbenice.Don'tyoudaretosuggestthatMichaelcouldever becomeliketheGuthrieboy.TherearesomethingsIwon'tstand."
"WhatyouhaveseenintheGuthriesiswhatnaturalaffectionturnstointheendifitwillnotbe converted."
"It'salie.Awicked,cruellie.HowcouldanyonelovetheirsonmorethanIdid?Haven'tIlived onlyforhismemoryalltheseyears?"
"Thatwasratheramistake,Pam.Inyourheartofheartsyouknowitwas."
"Whatwasamistake?"
"Allthattenyears'ritualofgrief.Keepinghisroomexactlyashe'dleftit:keepinganniversaries: refusingtoleavethathousethoughDickandMurielwerebothwretchedthere."
"Ofcoursetheydidn'tcare.Iknowthat.Isoonlearnedtoexpectnorealsympathyfromthem."
"You'rewrong.Nomaneverfelthisson'sdeathmorethanDick.Notmanygirlslovedtheir brothersbetterthanMuriel.Itwasn'tagainstMichaeltheyrevolted:itwasagainstyou-against havingtheirwholelifedominatedbythetyrannyofthepast:andnotreallyevenMichael'spast,but yourpast."
"Youareheartless.Everyoneisheartless.ThepastwasallIhad."
"Itwasallyouchosetohave.Itwasthewrongwaytodealwithasorrow.ItwasEgyptian-like embalmingadeadbody."
"Oh,ofcourse.I'mwrong.EverythingIsayordoiswrong,accordingtoyou."
"Butofcourse!"saidtheSpirit,shiningwithloveandmirthsothatmyeyesweredazzled.
"That'swhatweallfindwhenwereachthiscountry.We'veallbeenwrong!That'sthegreatjoke. There'snoneedtogoonpretendingonewas right!Afterthatwebeginliving."
"Howdareyoulaughaboutit?Givememyboy.Doyouhear?Idon'tcareaboutallyourrulesand regulations.Idon'tbelieveinaGodwhokeepsmotherandsonapart.IbelieveinaGodofLove. Noonehasarighttocomebetweenmeandmyson.NotevenGod.TellHimthattoHisface.I wantmyboy,andImeantohavehim.Heismine,doyouunderstand?Mine,mine,mine,forever andever."
"Hewillbe,Pam.Everythingwillbeyours.Godhimselfwillbeyours.Butnotthatway.Nothing canbeyoursbynature."
"What?Notmyownson,bornoutofmyownbody?"
"Andwhereisyourownbodynow?Didn'tyouknowthatNaturedrawstoanend?Look!Thesun iscoming,overthemountainsthere:itwillbeupanymomentnow."
"Michaelismine."
"Howyours?Youdidn'tmakehim.Naturemadehimtogrowinyourbodywithoutyourwill.Even againstyourwill...yousometimesforgetthatyoudidn'tintendtohaveababythenatall.Michael wasoriginallyanAccident."
"Whotoldyouthat?"saidtheGhost:andthen,recoveringitself,"It'salie.It'snottrue.Andit'sno businessofyours.IhateyourreligionandIhateanddespiseyourGod.IbelieveinaGodofLove."
"Andyet,Pam,youhavenoloveatthismomentforyourownmotherorforme."
"Oh,Isee!That'sthetrouble,isit?Really,Reginald!Theideaofyourbeinghurtbecause..."
"Lordloveyou!"saidtheSpiritwithagreatlaugh."Youneedn'tbotheraboutthat!Don'tyouknow thatyoucan'thurtanyoneinthiscountry?"
TheGhostwassilentandopen-mouthedforamoment;morewilted,Ithought,bythisreassurance thanbyanythingelsethathadbeensaid.
"Come.Wewillgoabitfurther,"saidmyTeacher,layinghishandonmyarm.
"Whydidyoubringmeaway,Sir?"saidIwhenwehadpassedoutofearshotofthisunhappy Ghost.
"Itmighttakealongwhile,thatconversation,"saidmyTeacher."Andyehaveheardenoughtosee whatthechoiceis.""Isthereanyhopeforher,Sir?""Aye,there'ssome.Whatshecallsherlovefor hersonhasturnedintoapoor,prickly,astringentsortofthing.Butthere'sstillaweesparkof somethingthat'snotjustherselfinit.Thatmightbeblownintoaflame."
"Thensomenaturalfeelingsarereallybetterthanothers-Imean,areabetterstarting-pointforthe realthing?"
"Betterandworse.There'ssomethinginnaturalaffectionwhichwillleaditontoeternallovemore easilythannaturalappetitecouldbeledon.Butthere'salsosomethinginitwhichmakesiteasierto stopatthenaturallevelandmistakeitfortheheavenly.Brassismistakenforgoldmoreeasilythan clayis.Andifitfinallyrefusesconversionitscorruptionwillbeworsethanthecorruptionofwhat yecallthelowerpassions.Itisastrongerangel,andtherefore,whenitfalls,afiercerdevil."
"Idon'tknowthatIdarerepeatthisonEarth,Sir,"saidI."They'dsayIwasinhuman:they'dsayI believedintotaldepravity:they'dsayIwasattackingthebestandtheholiestthings.Thev'dcallme ..."
"Itmightdoyounoharmiftheydid,"saidhewith(Ireallvthought)atwinkleinhiseye.
"Butcouldonedare-couldonehavetheface-togotoabereavedmother,inhermisery -whenone's notbereavedoneself?..."
"No,no.Son,that'snoofficeofyours.You'renotagoodenoughmanforthat.Whenyourown heart'sbeenbrokenitwillbetimeforyoutothinkoftalking.Butsomeonemustsayingeneral what'sbeenunsaidamongyouthismanyavear:thatlove,asmortalsunderstandtheword,isn't enough.Everynaturallovewillriseagainandliveforeverinthiscountry:butnonewillriseagain untilithasbeenburied."
"Thesayingisalmosttoohardforus."
"Ah,butit'scruelnottosayit.Theythatknowhavegrownafraidtospeak.That iswhysorrows thatusedtopurifynowonlyfester."
"Keatswaswrong,then,whenhesaidhewascertainoftheholinessoftheheart'saffections."
"Idovibtifheknewclearlywhathemeant.ButyouandImustbeclear.Thereisbutonegood;that isGod.EverythingelseisgoodwhenitlookstoHimandbadwhenitturnsfromHim.Andthe higherandmightieritisinthenaturalorder,themoredemoniacitwillbeifitrebels.It'snotoutof badmiceorbadfleasyoumakedemons,butoutofbadarchangels.Thefalsereligionoflustis baserthanthefalsereligionofmother-loveorpatriotismorart:butlustislesslikelytobemade intoareligion.Butlook!"
IsawcomingtowardsusaGhostwhocarriedsomethingonhisshoulder.LikealltheGhosts, he wasunsubstantial,buttheydifferedfromoneanotherassmokesdiffer.Somehadbeenwhitish;this onewasdarkandoily.Whatsatonhisshoulderwasalittleredlizard,anditwastwitchingitstail likeawhipandwhisperingthingsinhisear.As wecaughtsightofhimheturnedhisheadtothe reptilewithasnarlofimpatience."Shutup,Itellyou!"hesaid.Itwaggeditstailandcontinuedto whispertohim.Heceasedsnarling,andpresentlybegantosmile.Thenheturnedandstartedto limpwestward,awayfromthemountains.
"Offsosoon?"saidavoice.
Thespeakerwasmoreorlesshumaninshapebutlargerthanaman,andsobrightthatIcould hardlylookathim.Hispresencesmoteonmyeyesandonmybodytoo(fortherewasheatcoming fromhimaswellaslight)likethemorningsunatthebeginningofatyrannoussummerday.
"Yes.I'moff,"saidtheGhost."Thanksforallyourhospitality.Butit'snogood,yousee. Itoldthislittlechap,"(hereheindicatedthelizard),"thathe'dhavetobequietifhecame -whichhe insistedondoing.Ofcoursehisstuffwon'tdohere:Irealisethat.Buthewon'tstop.Ishalljust havetogohome."
"Wouldyoulikemetomakehimquiet?"saidtheflamingSpirit-anangel,asInowunderstood.
"OfcourseIwould,"saidtheGhost.
"ThenIwillkillhim,"saidtheAngel,takingastepforward.
"Oh-ah-lookout!You'reburningme.Keepaway,"saidtheGhost,retreating. "Don'tyouwanthimkilled?"
"Youdidn'tsayanythingaboutkillinghimatfirst.Ihardlvmeanttobotheryouwithanythingso drasticasthat."
"It'stheonlvway,"saidtheAngel,whoseburninghandswerenowveryclosetothelizard."ShallI killit?"
"Well,that'safurtherquestion.I'mquiteopentoconsiderit,butit'sanewpoint, isn'tit?Imean, forthemomentIwasonlythinkingaboutsilencingitbecauseuphere-well,it'ssodamned embarrassing."
"MayIkillit?"
"Well,there'stimetodiscussthatlater."
"Thereisnotime.MayIkillit?"
"Please,Inevermeanttobesucha nuisance.Please-really-don'tbother.Look!It'sgonetosleepof itsownaccord.I'msureit'llbeallrightnow.Thankseversomuch."
"MayIkillit?"
"Honestly,Idon'tthinkthere'stheslightestnecessityforthat.I'msureIshallbeabletokeepitin ordernow.Ithinkthegradualprocesswouldbefarbetterthankillingit."
"Thegradualprocessisofnouseatall."
"Don'tyouthinkso?Well,I'llthinkoverwhatyou'vesaidverycarefully.Ihonestlywill.InfactI'd letyoukillitnow,butasamatteroffactI'mnotfeelingfrightfullywellto-day.Itwouldbesillyto doitnow.I'dneedtobeingoodhealthfortheoperation.Someotherday,perhaps."
"Thereisnootherday.Alldaysarepresentnow."
"Getback!You'reburningme.How canItellyoutokillit?You'dkillmeifyoudid."
"Itisnotso."
"Why,you'rehurtingmenow."
"Ineversaiditwouldn'thurtyou.Isaiditwouldn'tkillyou."
"Oh,Iknow.YouthinkI'macoward.Butitisn'tthat.Reallyitisn't.Isay!Letme runbackby tonight'sbusandgetanopinionfrommyowndoctor.I'llcomeagainthefirstmomentIcan."
"Thismomentcontainsallmoments."
"Whyareyoutorturingme?Youarejeeringatme.HowcanIletyoutearmetopieces?Ifyou wantedtohelpme,whydidn'tyoukillthedamnedthingwithoutaskingme-beforeIknew?It wouldbealloverbynowifyouhad."
"Icannotkillitagainstyourwill.Itisimpossible.HaveIyourpermission?"
TheAngel'shandswerealmostclosedontheLizard,butnotquite.ThentheLizardbegan chatteringtotheGhostsoloudthatevenIcouldhearwhatitwassaying. "Becareful,"itsaid."Hecandowhathesays.Hecankillme.Onefatalwordfromyouandhe will!Thenyou'llbewithoutmeforeverandever.It'snotnatural.Howcouldyoulive?You'dbe onlyasortofghost,notarealmanasyouarenow.Hedoesn'tunderstand.He'sonlyacold, bloodlessabstractthing.Itmaybenaturalforhim,butitisn'tforus.Yes,yes.Iknowthereareno realpleasuresnow,onlydreams.Butaren'ttheybetterthannothing?AndI'llbesogood.Iadmit I'vesometimesgonetoofarinthepast,butIpromiseIwon'tdoitagain.I'llgiveyounothingbut reallynicedreams-allsweetandfreshandalmostinnocent.Youmightsay,quiteinnocent____" "HaveIyourpermission?"saidtheAngeltotheGhost. "Iknowitwillkillme."
"Itwon't.Butsupposingitdid?"
"You'reright.Itwouldbebettertobedeadthantolivewiththiscreature."
"ThenImay?"
"Damnandblastyou!Gooncan'tyou?Getitover.Dowhatyoulike,"bellowedtheGhost:but ended,whimpering,"Godhelpme.Godhelpme."
NextmomenttheGhostgaveascreamofagonysuchasIneverheardonEarth.TheBurningOne closedhiscrimsongriponthereptile:twistedit,whileitbitandwrithed,andthenflungit,broken backed,ontheturf.
"Ow!That'sdoneforme,"gaspedtheGhost,reelingbackwards.
ForamomentIcouldmakeoutnothingdistinctly.ThenIsaw,betweenmeandthenearestbush, unmistakablysolidbutgrowingeverymomentsolider,theupperarmandtheshoulderofaman. Then,brighterstillandstronger,thelegsandhands.TheneckandgoldenheadmaterialisedwhileI watched,andifmyattentionhadnotwaveredIshouldhaveseentheactualcompletingofaman-an immenseman,naked,notmuchsmallerthantheAngel.Whatdistractedmewasthefactthatatthe samemomentsomethingseemedtobehappeningtotheLizard.AtfirstIthoughttheoperationhad failed.Sofarfromdying,thecreaturewasstillstrugglingandevengrowingbiggerasitstruggled. Andasitgrewitchanged.Itshinderpartsgrewrounder.Thetail,stillflickering,becameatailof hairthatflickeredbetweenhugeandglossybuttocks.SuddenlyIstartedback,rubbingmyeyes. WhatstoodbeforemewasthegreateststallionIhaveeverseen,silverywhitebutwithmaneand tailofgold.Itwassmoothandshining,rippledwithswellsoffleshandmuscle,whinneyingand stampingwithitshoofs.Ateachstampthelandshookandthetreesdindled.
Thenew-mademanturnedandclappedthenewhorse'sneck.Itnosedhisbrightbody.Horseand masterbreathedeachintotheother'snostrils.Themanturnedfromit,flunghimselfatthefeetof theBurningOne,andembracedthem.WhenheroseIthoughthisfaceshonewithtears,butitmay havebeenonlytheliquidloveandbrightness(onecannotdistinguishtheminthatcountry)which flowedfromhim.Ihadnotlongtothinkaboutit.Injoyoushastetheyoungmanleapeduponthe horse'sback.Turninginhisseathewavedafarewell,thennudgedthestallionwithhisheels.They wereoffbeforeIwellknewwhatwashappening.Therewasridingifyoulike!Icameoutas quicklyasIcouldfromamongthebushestofollowthemwithmyeyes;butalreadytheywereonly likeashootingstarfaroffonthegreenplain,andsoonamongthefoothillsofthemountains.Then, stilllikeastar,Isawthemwindingup,scalingwhatseemedimpossiblesteeps,andquickerevery
moment,tillnearthedimbrow ofthelandscape,sohighthatImuststrainmynecktoseethem, theyvanished,brightthemselves,intotherose-brightnessofthateverlastingmorning.
WhileIstillwatched,Inoticedthatthewholeplainandforestwereshakingwithasoundwhichin ourworldwouldbetoolargetohear,butthereIcouldtakeitwithjoy.IknewitwasnottheSolid Peoplewhoweresinging.Itwasthevoiceofthatearth,thosewoodsandthosewaters.Astrange archaic,inorganicnoise,thatcamefromalldirectionsatonce.TheNatureorArch-natureofthat landrejoicedtohavebeenoncemoreridden,andthereforeconsummated,inthepersonofthe horse.Itsang,
"TheMastersaystoourmaster,Comeup.Sharemyrestandsplendourtillallnaturesthatwere yourenemiesbecomeslavestodancebeforeyouandbacksforyoutoride,andfirmnessforyour feettoreston.
"Frombeyondallplaceandtime,outoftheveryPlace,authoritywillbegivenyou:thestrengths thatonceopposedyourwillshallbeobedientfirein yourbloodandheavenlythunderinyour voice.
"Overcomeusthat,soovercome,wemaybeourselves:wedesirethebeginningofyourreignaswe desiredawnanddew,wetnessatthebirthoflight.
"Master,yourMasterhasappointedyouforever:tobeourKingofJusticeandourhighPriest."
"Doyeunderstandallthis,mySon?"saidtheTeacher.
"Idon'tknowaboutall,Sir,"saidI."AmIrightinthinkingtheLizardreallyturnedintothe Horse?"
"Aye.Butitwaskilledfirst.Ye'llnotforgetthatpartofthestory?"
"I'lltrynotto,Sir.Butdoesitmeanthateverything-everything-thatisinuscangoontothe Mountains?"
"Nothing,noteventhebestandnoblest,cangoonasitnowis.Nothing,notevenwhatislowest andmostbestial,willnotberaisedagainifitsubmitstodeath.Itissownanaturalbody,itisraised aspiritualbody.FleshandbloodcannotcometotheMountains.Notbecausetheyaretoorank,but becausetheyaretooweak.WhatisaLizardcomparedwithastallion?Lustisapoor,weak, whimperingwhisperingthingcomparedwiththatrichnessandenergyofdesirewhichwillarise whenlusthasbeenkilled."
"ButamItotellthemathomethatthisman'ssensualityprovedlessofanobstaclethanthatpoor woman'sloveforherson?Forthatwas,atanyrate,anexcessoflove."
"Ye'lltellthemnosuchthing,"herepliedsternly."Excessoflove,didyesay?Therewasno excess,therewasdefect.Shelovedhersontoolittle,nottoomuch.Ifshehadlovedhimmore there'd benodifficulty.Idonotknowhowheraffairwillend.Butitmaywellbethatatthis momentshe'sdemandingtohavehimdownwithherinHell.Thatkindissometimesperfectly readytoplungethesoultheysaytheyloveinendlessmiseryifonlytheycanstillinsomefashion
possessit.No,no.Yemustdrawanotherlesson.Yemustask,iftherisenbodyevenofappetiteis asgrandahorseasyesaw,whatwouldtherisenbodyofmaternalloveorfriendshipbe?"
Butoncemoremyattentionwasdiverted."Isthereanotherriver,Sir?"Iasked.
12.
THEREASONwhyIaskediftherewereanotherriverwasthis.Alldownonelongaisleofthe foresttheunder-sidesoftheleafybrancheshadbeguntotremblewithdancinglight;andonearthI knewnothingso likelytoproducethisappearanceasthereflectedlightscastupwardbymoving water.AfewmomentslaterIrealisedmymistake.Somekindofprocessionwasapproachingus, andthelightcamefromthepersonswhocomposedit.
FirstcamebrightSpirits, nottheSpiritsofmen,whodancedandscatteredflowers-soundlessly falling,lightlydriftingflowers,thoughbythestandardsoftheghost-worldeachpetalwouldhave weighedahundred-weightandtheirfallwouldhavebeenlikethecrashingofboulders. Then,on theleftandright,ateachsideoftheforestavenue,cameyouthfulshapes,boysupononehand,and girlsupontheother.IfIcouldremembertheirsingingandwritedownthenotes,nomanwhoread thatscorewouldevergrowsickorold.Between themwentmusicians:andafterthesealadyin whosehonourallthiswasbeingdone.
Icannotnowrememberwhethershewasnakedorclothed.Ifshewerenaked,thenitmusthave beenthealmostvisiblepenumbraofhercourtesyandjoywhichproducesinmy memorythe illusionofagreatandshiningtrainthatfollowedheracrossthehappygrass.Ifshewereclothed, thentheillusionofnakednessisdoubtlessduetotheclaritywithwhichherinmostspiritshone throughtheclothes.Forclothesinthatcountryarenotadisguise:thespiritualbodylivesalong eachthreadandturnsthemintolivingorgans.Arobeoracrownisthereasmuchoneofthe wearer'sfeaturesasaliporaneye.
ButIhaveforgotten.AndonlypartlydoIremembertheunbearablebeautyofherface. "Isit?...isit?"Iwhisperedtomyguide.
"Notatall,"saidhe."It'ssomeoneye'llneverhaveheardof.HernameonearthwasSarahSmith andshelivedatGoldersGreen."
"Sheseemstobe...well,apersonofparticularimportance?"
"Aye.Sheisoneofthegreatones.YehaveheardthatfameinthiscountryandfameonEarthare twoquitedifferentthings."
"Andwhoarethesegiganticpeople...look!They'relikeemeralds...whoaredancingand throwingflowersbeforeher?"
"Haven'tyereadyourMilton?Athousandlivenedangelslackeyher," "Andwhoarealltheseyoungmenandwomenoneachside?"
"Theyarehersonsanddaughters.""Shemusthavehadaverylargefamily,Sir.""Everyyoung manorboythatmetherbecameherson-evenifitwasonlytheboythatbroughtthemeattoher backdoor.Everygirlthatmetherwasherdaughter."
"Isn'tthatabithardontheirownparents?""No.Therearethosethatstealotherpeople'schildren. Buthermotherhoodwasofadifferentkind.Thoseonwhomitfellwentbacktotheirnatural
parentslovingthemmore.Fewmenlookedonherwithoutbecoming,inacertainfashion,her lovers.Butitwasthekindoflovethatmadethemnotlesstrue,buttruer,totheirownwives."
"Andhow... buthullo!Whatarealltheseanimals?Acat-twocats-dozensofcats.Andallthose dogs...why,Ican'tcountthem.Andthebirds.Andthehorses.""Theyareherbeasts.""Didshe keepasortofzoo?Imean,thisisabittoomuch."
"Everybeastand birdthatcamenearherhaditsplaceinherlove.Inhertheybecamethemselves. AndnowtheabundanceoflifeshehasinChristfromtheFatherflowsoverintothem."Ilookedat myTeacherinamazement."Yes,"hesaid."Itislikewhenyouthrowastoneintoapool,andthe concentricwavesspreadoutfurtherandfurther.Whoknowswhereitwillend?Redeemed humanityisstillyoung,ithashardlycometoitsfullstrength.
Butalreadythereisjoyenoughinthelittlefingerofagreatsaintsuchasyonderladytowakenall thedeadthingsoftheuniverseintolife." WhilewespoketheLadywassteadilyadvancingtowardsus,butitwasnotatusshelooked. Followingthedirectionofhereyes,Iturnedandsawanoddly-shapedphantomapproaching.Or rathertwophantoms:agreattallGhost,horriblythinandshaky,whoseemedtobeleadingona chainanotherGhostnobiggerthananorgan-grinder'smonkey.ThetallerGhostworeasoftblack hat,andheremindedmeofsomethingthatmymemorycouldnotquite recover.Then,whenhehad comewithinafewfeetoftheLadyhespreadouthislean,shakyhandflatonhischestwiththe fingerswideapart,andexclaimedinahollowvoice,"Atlast!"AllatonceIrealisedwhatitwas thathehadputmeinmindof.Hewaslikeaseedyactoroftheoldschool. "Darling!Atlast!"saidtheLady."Good Heavens!"thoughtI."Surelyshecan't ," andthenInoticedtwothings.Inthefirstplace,InoticedthatthelittleGhostwasnotbeingledby thebigone.Itwasthedwarfishfigurethatheldthechaininitshandandthetheatricalfigurethat worethecollarrounditsneck.Inthesecondplace,InoticedthattheLadywaslookingsolelyatthe dwarfGhost.SheseemedtothinkitwastheDwarfwhohadaddressedher,orelseshewas deliberatelyignoringtheother.Onthepoordwarfsheturnedhereyes.Loveshonenotfromher faceonly,butfromallherlimbs,asifitweresomeliquidinwhichshehadjustbeenbathing.Then, tomydismayshecamenearer.ShestoopeddownandkissedtheDwarf.Itmadeoneshuddertosee herinsuchclosecontactwiththatcold,damp,shrunkenthing.Butshedidnotshudder.
"Frank,"shesaid,"beforeanythingelse,forgiveme.ForallIeverdidwrongandforallIdidnotdo rightsincethefirstdaywemet,Iaskyourpardon."
IlookedproperlyattheDwarfforthefirsttimenow:orperhaps,whenhereceivedherkisshe becamealittlemorevisible.Onecouldjustmakeoutthesortoffacehemusthavehadwhenhe wasaman:alittle,oval,freckledfacewithaweakchinandatinywispofunsuccessfulmoustache. Hegaveheraglance,notafulllook.HewaswatchingtheTragedianoutofthecornerofhiseyes. Thenhegaveajerktothechain:anditwastheTragedian,nothe,whoansweredtheLady.
"There,there,"saidtheTragedian."We'llsaynomoreaboutit.Weallmakemistakes."Withthe wordstherecameoverhisfeaturesaghastlycontortionwhich,Ithink,wasmeantforan indulgentlvplavfulsmile."We'llsaynomore," hecontinued."It'snotmyselfI'mthinkingabout.It
isyou.Thatiswhathasbeencontinuallyonmymind-allthesevears.Thethoughtofyou-youhere alone,breakingyourheartaboutme."
"Butnow,"saidtheLadytotheDwarf,"youcansetallthataside.Neverthinklikethatagain.Itis allover."
HerbeautybrightenedsothatIcouldhardlyseeanythingelse,andunderthatsweetcompulsionthe Dwarfreallylookedatherforthefirsttime.ForasecondIthoughthewasgrowingmorelikea man.Heopenedhismouth.Hehimselfwasgoingtospeakthistime.Butoh,thedisappointment whenthewordscame!
"Youmissedme?"hecroakedinasmall,bleatingvoice. Yeteventhenshewasnottakenaback.Stilltheloveandcourtesyflowedfromher.
"Dear,youwillunderstandaboutthatverysoon,"shesaid."Butto-day ." Whathappenednextgavemeashock.TheDwarfandtheTragedianspokeinunison,nottoherbut tooneanother."You'llnotice,"theywarnedoneanother,"shehasn'tansweredourquestion."I realisedthenthattheywereoneperson,orratherthatbothweretheremainsofwhathadoncebeen aperson.TheDwarfagainrattledthechain.
"Youmissedme?"saidtheTragediantotheLady,throwingadreadfultheatricaltremorintohis voice.
"Dearfriend,"saidtheLady,stillattendingexclusivelytotheDwarf,"youmaybehappyaboutthat andabouteverythingelse.Forgetallaboutitforever."
Andreally,foramoment,IthoughttheDwarfwasgoingtoobey:partlybecausetheoutlinesofhis facebecamealittleclearer,andpartlybecausetheinvitationtoalljoy,singingoutofherwhole beinglikeabird'ssongonanAprilevening,seemedtomesuchthatnocreaturecouldresistit. Thenhehesitated.Andthen-oncemoreheandhisaccomplicespokeinunison.
"Ofcourseitwouldberatherfineandmagnanimousnottopressthepoint,"theysaidtoone another."Butcanwebesureshe'dnotice?We'vedonethesesortofthingsbefore.Therewasthe timeweletherhavethelaststampinthehousetowritetohermotherandsaidnothingalthough shehadknownwewantedtowritealetterourself.We'dthoughtshe'drememberandseehow unselfishwe'dbeen.Butsheneverdid.Andtherewasthetime...oh,lotsandlotsoftimes!"So theDwarf gaveashaketothechainand .
"Ican'tforgetit,"criedtheTragedian."AndIwon'tforgetit,either.Icouldforgivethemallthey've donetome.Butforyourmiseries ."
"Oh,don'tyouunderstand?"saidtheLady."Therearenomiserieshere."
"Doyoumeantosay,"answeredtheDwarf,asifthisnewideahadmadehimquiteforgetthe Tragedianforamoment,"doyoumeantosayyou'vebeenhappy?"
"Didn'tyouwantmetobe?Butnomatter.Wantitnow.Ordon'tthinkaboutitatall."
TheDwarfblinkedather.Onecouldseeanunheard-ofideatryingtoenterhislittlemind:one couldseeeventhattherewasforhimsomesweetnessinit.Forasecondhehadalmostletthechain go:then,asifitwerehislife-line,heclutcheditoncemore.
"Lookhere,"saidtheTragedian."We'vegottofacethis."Hewasusinghis"manly"bullyingtone thistime:theoneforbringingwomentotheirsenses.
"Darling,"saidtheLadytotheDwarf,"there'snothingtoface.Youdon'twantmetohavebeen miserableformisery'ssake.YouonlythinkImusthavebeenifIlovedyou.Butifyou'llonlywait you'llseethatisn'tso."
"Love!"saidtheTragedianstrikinghisforeheadwithhishand:then,afewnotesdeeper,"Love!Do youknowthemeaningoftheword?"
"HowshouldInot?"saidtheLady."Iaminlove.Inlove,doyouunderstand?Yes,nowIlove truly."
"Youmean,"saidtheTragedian,"youmean-youdidnotlovemetrulyintheolddays?"
"Onlyinapoorsortofway,"sheanswered."Ihaveaskedyoutoforgiveme.Therewasalittlereal loveinit.Butwhatwecalledlovedowntherewasmostlythecravingtobeloved.InthemainI lovedyouformyownsake:becauseIneededyou."
"Andnow!"saidtheTragedianwithahackneyedgestureofdespair."Now,youneedmenomore?" "Butofcoursenot!"saidtheLady;andhersmilemademewonderhowboththephantomscould refrainfromcryingoutwithjoy.
"WhatneedscouldIhave,"shesaid,"nowthatIhaveall?Iamfullnow,notempty.IaminLove Himself,notlonely.Strong,notweak.Youshallbethesame.Comeandsee.Weshallhaveno needforoneanothernow:wecanbegintolovetruly."
ButtheTragedianwasstillstrikingattitudes.
"Sheneedsmenomore-nomore.Nomore/'hesaidinachokingvoiceto nooneinparticular. "WouldtoGod,"hecontinued,buthewasnowpronouncingitGud-"WouldtoGodIhadseenher lyingdeadatmyfeetbeforeIheardthosewords.Lyingdeadatmyfeet.Lyingdeadatmyfeet."
Idonotknowhowlongthecreatureintendedtogoonrepeatingthephrase,fortheLadyputanend tothat."Frank!Frank!"shecriedinavoicethatmadethewholewoodring."Lookatme.Lookat me.Whatareyoudoingwiththatgreat,uglydoll?Letgoofthechain.Senditaway.ItisyouI want.Don'tyouseewhatnonsenseit'stalking?"Merrimentdancedinhereyes.Shewassharinga jokewiththeDwarf,rightovertheheadoftheTragedian.Somethingnotatallunlikeasmile struggledtoappearontheDwarf'sface.Forhewaslookingather now.Herlaughterwaspasthis firstdefences.Hewasstrugglinghardtokeepitout,butalreadywithimperfectsuccess.Against hiswill,hewasevengrowingalittlebigger."Oh,yougreatgoose,"saidshe."Whatisthegoodof talkinglikethathere? YouknowaswellasIdothatyoudidseemelyingdeadyearsandyearsago. Not'atyourfeet,'ofcourse,butonabedinanursinghome.Averygoodnursinghomeitwastoo. Matronwouldneverhavedreamedofleavingbodieslyingaboutthefloor!It'sridiculousforthat dolltotrytobeimpressiveaboutdeathhere.Itjustwon'twork." 13.
IDOnotknowthatIeversawanythingmoreterriblethanthestruggleofthatDwarfGhostagainst joy.Forhehadalmostbeenovercome.Somewhere,incalculable agesago,theremusthavebeen gleamsofhumourandreasoninhim.Foronemoment,whileshelookedathiminherloveand mirth,hesawtheabsurdityoftheTragedian.Foronemomenthedidnotatallmisunderstandher
laughter:hetoomustoncehaveknownthatnopeoplefindeachothermoreabsurdthanlovers.But thelightthatreachedhim,reachedhimagainsthiswill.Thiswasnotthemeetinghehadpictured; hewouldnotacceptit.Oncemoreheclutchedathisdeath-line,andatoncetheTragedianspoke. "Youdaretolaughatit!"itstormed."Tomyface?Andthisismyreward.Verywell.Itisfortunate thatyougiveyourselfnoconcernaboutmyfate.Otherwiseyoumightbesorryafterwardstothink thatyouhaddrivenmebacktoHell.What?DoyouthinkI'dstaynow?Thankyou.IbelieveI'm fairlyquickatrecognisingwhereI'mnotwanted.'Notneeded'wastheexactexpression,ifI rememberrightly."
FromthistimeontheDwarfneverspokeagain:butstilltheLadyaddressedit.
"Dear,noonesendsyouback.Hereisalljoy.Everythingbidsyoustay."ButtheDwarfwas growingsmallerevenwhileshespoke.
"Yes,"saidtheTragedian."Ontermsyoumightoffertoadog.Ihappentohavesomeself-respect left,andIseethatmygoingwillmakenodifferencetoyou.ItisnothingtoyouthatIgobackto thecoldandthegloom,thelonely,lonelystreets ."
"Don't,don'tFrank,"saidtheLady."Don'tletittalklikethat."ButtheDwarfwasnowsosmall thatshehaddroppedonherkneestospeaktoit.TheTragediancaughtherwordsgreedilyasadog catchesabone.
"Ah,youcan'tbeartohearit!"heshoutedwithmiserabletriumph."Thatwasalwaystheway.You mustbesheltered.Grimrealitiesmustbekeptoutofyoursight.Youwhocanbehappywithout me,forgettingme!Youdon'twanteventohearofmysufferings.Yousay,don't.Don'ttellyou. Don'tmakeyouunhappy.Don'tbreakinonyoursheltered,self-centredlittleheaven.Andthisis thereward ."
ShestoopedstilllowertospeaktotheDwarfwhichwasnowafigurenobiggerthanakitten, hangingontotheendofthechainwithhisfeetofftheground.
"Thatwasn'twhyIsaid,Don't,"sheanswered."Imeant,stopacting.It'snogood.Heiskillingyou. Letgoofthatchain.Evennow."
"Acting,"screamedtheTragedian."Whatdoyoumean?"
TheDwarfwasnowsosmallthatIcouldnotdistinguishhimfromthechaintowhichhewas clinging.AndnowforthefirsttimeIcouldnotbecertainwhethertheLadywasaddressinghimor theTragedian.
"Quick,"shesaid."Thereisstilltime.Stopit.Stopitatonce." "Stopwhat?"
"Usingpity,otherpeople'spity,inthewrongway.Wehavealldoneitabitonearth,youknow. Pitywasmeanttobeaspurthatdrivesjoytohelpmisery.Butit canbeusedthewrongwayround. Itcanbeusedforakindofblackmailing.Thosewhochoosemiserycanholdjoyuptoransom,by pity.Yousee,Iknownow.Evenasachildyoudidit.Insteadofsayingyouweresorry,youwent andsulkedintheattic.. .becausevouknewthatsoonerorlateroneofyoursisterswouldsay,'I can'tbeartothinkofhimsittinguptherealone,crying.'Youusedyourpitytoblackmailthem,and theygaveinintheend.Andafterwards,whenweweremarried...oh,itdoesn'tmatter,ifonlyyou willstopit."
"Andthat,"saidtheTragedian,"thatisallyouhaveunderstoodofme,afteralltheseyears."Idon't knowwhathadbecomeoftheDwarfGhostbynow.Perhapsitwasclimbingupthechainlikean insect:perhapsitwassomehowabsorbedintothechain.
"No,Frank,nothere,"saidtheLady."Listentoreason.Didyouthinkjoywascreatedtolive alwaysunderthatthreat?Alwaysdefencelessagainstthosewhowouldratherbemiserablethan havetheirself-willcrossed? Foritwasrealmisery.Iknowthatnow.Youmadeyourselfreally wretched.Thatyoucanstilldo.Butyoucannolongercommunicateyourwretchedness. Everythingbecomesmoreandmoreitself.Hereisjoythatcannotbeshaken.Ourlightcanswallow upyourdarkness:butyourdarknesscannotnowinfectourlight.No,no,no.Cometous.Wewill notgotoyou.Canyoureallyhavethoughtthatloveandjoywouldalwaysbeatthemercyof frownsandsighs?Didyounotknowtheywerestrongerthantheiropposites?"
"Love?Howdareyouusethatsacredword?"saidtheTragedian.Atthesamemomenthegathered upthechainwhichhadnowforsometimebeenswinginguselesslyathisside,andsomehow disposedofit.Iamnotquitesure,butIthinkheswallowedit.Thenforthefirsttimeitbecame clearthattheLadysawandaddressedhimonly.
"WhereisFrank?"shesaid."Andwhoareyou,Sir?Ineverknewyou.Perhapsyouhadbetter leaveme.Orstay,ifyouprefer.IfitwouldhelpyouandifitwerepossibleI wouldgodownwith youintoHell:butyoucannotbringHellintome."
"Youdonotloveme,"saidtheTragedianinathinbat-likevoice:andhewasnowverydifficultto see.
"Icannotlovealie,"saidtheLady."Icannotlovethethingwhichisnot.Iam inLove,andoutofit Iwillnotgo."
Therewasnoanswer.TheTragedianhadvanished.TheLadywasaloneinthatwoodlandplace, andabrownbirdwenthoppingpasther,bendingwithitslightfeetthegrassesIcouldnotbend. PresentlytheLadygotup andbegantowalkaway.TheotherBrightSpiritscameforwardto receiveher,singingastheycame:
"TheHappyTrinityisherhome:nothingcan troubleherjoy.
Sheisthebirdthatevadeseverynet:thewild deerthatleapseverypitfall.
Likethemotherbirdtoitschickensorashield tothearm'dknight:soistheLordtoher mind,inHisunchanginglucidity.
Bogieswillnotscareherinthedark:bulletswill notfrightenherintheday.
Falsehoodstrickedoutastruthsassailherin vain:sheseesthroughthelieasifitwere glass.
Theinvisiblegermwillnotharmher:noryet theglitteringsun-stroke.
Athousandfailtosolvetheproblem,tenthousandchoosethewrongturning:butshe
passessafelythrough.
Hedetailsimmortal godstoattendher:upon everyroadwhereshemusttravel. Theytakeherhandathardplaces:shewillnot stubhertoesinthedark.
ShemaywalkamongLionsandrattlesnakes: amongdinosaursandnurseriesoflionets. Hefillsherbrimfullwithimmensityoflife: heleadshertoseetheworld'sdesire."
"Andyet...andyet...,"saidItomyTeacher,whenalltheshapesandthesinginghadpassed somedistanceawayintotheforest,"evennowIamnotquitesure.Isitreallytolerablethatshe shouldbeuntouchedbyhismisery,evenhisself-mademisery?"
"Wouldyeratherhestillhadthepoweroftormentingher?Hediditmanyadayandmanyayearin theirearthlylife."
"Well,no.IsupposeIdon'twantthat."
"Whatthen?"
"Ihardlyknow,Sir.Whatsomepeoplesayonearthisthatthefinallossofonesoulgivesthelieto allthejoyofthosewhoaresaved."
"Yeseeitdoesnot."
"Ifeelinawaythatitoughtto."
"Thatsoundsverymerciful:butseewhatlurksbehindit."
"What?"
"Thedemandofthelovelessandtheself-imprisonedthattheyshouldbeallowedtoblackmailthe universe:thattilltheyconsenttobehappy(ontheirownterms)nooneelseshalltastejoy:that theirsshouldbethefinalpower;thatHellshouldbeableto vetoHeaven."
"Idon'tknowwhatIwant,Sir."
"Son,son,itmustbeonewayortheother.Eitherthedaymustcomewhenjoyprevailsandallthe makersofmiseryarenolongerabletoinfectit:orelseforeverandeverthemakersofmiserycan destroy inothersthehappinesstheyrejectforthemselves.Iknowithasagrandsoundtosayye'll acceptnosalvationwhichleavesevenonecreatureinthedarkoutside.Butwatchthatsophistryor ye'llmakeaDoginaMangerthetyrantoftheuniverse."
"But dareonesay-itishorribletosay-thatPitymusteverdie?"
"Yemustdistinguish.TheactionofPitywillliveforever:butthepassionofPitywillnot.The passionofpity,thepitywemerelysuffer,theachethatdrawsmentoconcedewhatshouldnot be
concededandtoflatterwhentheyshouldspeaktruth,thepitythathascheatedmanyawomanout ofhervirginityandmanyastatesmanoutofhishonesty-thatwilldie.Itwasusedasaweaponby badmenagainstgoodones:theirweaponwillbebroken."
"Andwhatistheotherkind-theaction?"
"It'saweaponontheotherside.Itleapsquickerthanlightfromthehighestplacetothelowestto bringhealingandjoy,whateverthecosttoitself.Itchangesdarknessintolightandevilintogood. Butitwillnot,atthecunningtearsofHell,imposeongoodthetyrannyofevil.Everydiseasethat submitstoacureshallbecured:butwewillnotcallblueyellowtopleasethosewhoinsistonstill havingjaundice,normakeamiddenoftheworld'sgardenforthesakeofsomewhocannotabide thesmellofroses."
"Yousayitwillgodowntothelowest,Sir.Butshedidn'tgodownwithhimtoHell.Shedidn't evenseehimoffbythebus."
"Wherewouldyehavehadhergo?"
"Why,whereweallcamefrombythatbus.Thebiggulf,beyondtheedgeofthecliff.Overthere. Youcan'tseeitfromhere,butyoumustknowtheplaceImean."
MyTeachergaveacurioussmile."Look,"hesaid,andwiththewordhewentdownonhishands andknees.Ididthesame(howithurtmyknees!)andpresentlysawthathehadpluckedabladeof grass.Usingitsthinendasapointer,hemademesee,afterIhadlookedveryclosely,acrackinthe soilsosmallthatIcouldnothaveidentifieditwithoutthisaid.
"Icannotbecertain,"hesaid,"thatthisisthecrackyecameupthrough.Butthroughacrackno biggerthanthatyecertainlycame."
"But-but,"Igaspedwithafeelingofbewildermentnotunliketerror."Isawaninfiniteabyss.And cliffstoweringupandup.Andthenthiscountryontopofthecliffs."
"Aye.Butthevoyagewasnotmerelocomotion.Thatbus,andallyouinsideit,wereincreasingin size."
"DoyoumeanthenthatHell-allthatinfiniteemptytown-isdowninsomelittlecracklikethis?"
"Yes.AllHellis smallerthanonepebbleofyourearthlyworld:butitissmallerthanoneatomof thisworld,theRealWorld.Lookatyonbutterfly.IfitswallowedallHell,Hellwouldnotbebig enoughtodoitanyharmortohaveanytaste."
"Itseemsbigenoughwhen you'reinit,Sir."
"Andyetallloneliness,angers,hatreds,enviesanditchingsthatitcontains,ifrolledintoonesingle experienceandputintothescaleagainsttheleastmomentofthejoythatisfeltbytheleastin Heaven,wouldhavenoweightthatcouldberegisteredatall.Badcannotsucceedeveninbeing badastrulyasgoodisgood.IfallHell'smiseriestogetherenteredtheconsciousnessofyonwee yellowbirdontheboughthere,theywouldbeswallowedupwithouttrace,asifonedropofink hadbeendroppedintothatGreatOceantowhichyourterrestrialPacificitselfisonlyamolecule." "Isee,"saidIatlast."Shecouldn'tfitintoHell."
Henodded."There'snotroomforher,"hesaid."Hellcouldnotopenitsmouthwideenough."
"And shecouldn'tmakeherselfsmaller?- likeAlice,youknow."
"Nothinglikesmallenough.Foradamnedsoulisnearlynothing:itisshrunk,shutupinitself. Goodbeatsuponthedamnedincessantlyassoundwavesbeatontheearsofthedeaf,butthey cannotreceiveit.Theirfistsareclenched,theirteethareclenched,theireyesfastshut.Firstthey willnot,intheendtheycannot,opentheirhandsforgifts,ortheirmouthsforfood,ortheireyesto see."
"Thennoonecaneverreachthem?"
"OnlytheGreatestofallcanmakeHimselfsmallenoughtoenterHell.Forthehigherathingis,the loweritcandescend-amancansympathisewithahorsebutahorsecannotsympathisewitharat. OnlyOnehasdescendedintoHell."
"AndwillHeeverdosoagain?"
"ItwasnotoncelongagothatHedidit.Timedoesnotworkthatwaywhenonceyehaveleftthe Earth.Allmomentsthathavebeenorshallbewere,orare,presentinthemomentofHis descending.ThereisnospiritinprisontoWhomHedidnotpreach."
"Andsomehearhim?"
"Aye."
"Inyourownbooks,Sir,"saidI,"youwereaUniversalist.Youtalkedasifallmenwouldbesaved. AndSt.Paultoo."
"Yecanknownothingoftheendofallthings,ornothingexpressibleinthoseterms.Itmaybe,as theLordsaidtotheLadyJulian,thatallwillbewell,andallwillbewell,andallmannerofthings willbewell.Butit'silltalkingofsuchquestions."
"Becausetheyaretooterrible,Sir?"
"No.Becauseallanswersdeceive.Ifyeputthequestionfrom withinTimeandareaskingabout possibilities,theansweriscertain.Thechoiceofwaysisbeforeyou.Neitherisclosed.Anyman maychooseeternaldeath.Thosewhochooseitwillhaveit.Butifyearetryingtoleaponinto eternity,ifyearetrying toseethefinalstateofallthingsasitwillbe(forsoyemustspeak)when therearenomorepossibilitiesleftbutonlytheReal,thenyeaskwhatcannotbeansweredtomortal ears.Timeistheverylensthroughwhichyesee-smallandclear,asmenseethroughthewrongend ofatelescope-somethingthatwouldotherwisebetoobigforyetoseeatall.ThatthingisFreedom: thegiftwherebyyemostresembleyourMakerandareyourselvespartsofeternalreality.Butye canseeitonlythroughthelens ofTime,inalittleclearpicture,throughtheinvertedtelescope.Itis apictureofmomentsfollowingoneanotherandyourselfineachmomentmakingsomechoicethat mighthavebeenotherwise.Neitherthetemporalsuccessionnorthephantomofwhatyemight havechosenanddidn'tisitselfFreedom.Theyarealens.Thepictureisasymbol:butit'struerthan anyphilosophicaltheorem(or,perhaps,thananymystic'svision)thatclaimstogobehindit.For everyattempttoseetheshapeofeternityexceptthroughthelensofTimedestroysyourknowledge ofFreedom.WitnessthedoctrineofPredestinationwhichshows(trulyenough)thateternalreality isnotwaitingforafutureinwhichtobereal;butatthepriceofremovingFreedomwhichisthe deepertruthofthetwo.Andwouldn'tUniversalismdothesame?Yecannotknoweternalrealityby
adefinition.Timeitself,andallactsandeventsthatfillTime,arethedefinition,anditmustbe lived.TheLordsaidweweregods.Howlongcouldyebeartolook(withoutTime'slens)onthe greatnessofyourownsoulandtheeternalrealityofherchoice?".
14.
ANDSUDDENLYallwaschanged.Isawagreatassemblyofgiganticformsallmotionless,allin deepestsilence,standingforeveraboutalittlesilvertableandlookinguponit.Andonthetable therewerelittlefigureslikechessmenwhowenttoandfrodoingthisandthat.AndIknewthat eachchessmanwastheidolumorpuppetrepresentativeofsomeoneofthegreatpresencesthat stoodby.Andtheactsandmotionsofeachchessmanwereamovingportrait,amimicryor pantomime,whichdelineatedtheinmostnatureofhisgiantmaster.Andthesechessmenaremen andwomenastheyappeartothemselvesandtooneanotherinthisworld.Andthesilvertableis Time.Andthosewhostandandwatcharetheimmortalsoulsofthosesamemenandwomen.Then vertigoandterrorseizedmeand,clutchingatmyTeacher,Isaid,"Isthatthetruth?Thenisallthat Ihavebeenseeinginthiscountryfalse?TheseconversationsbetweentheSpiritsandtheGhostsweretheyonlythemimicryofchoicesthathadreallybeenmadelongago?"
"Ormightyenotaswellsay,anticipationsofachoicetobemadeattheendofallthings?Butye'd dobettertosayneither.Yesawthe choicesabitmoreclearlythanyecouldseethemonearth:the lenswasclearer.Butitwasstillseenthroughthelens.Donotaskofavisioninadreammorethan avisioninadreamcangive."
"Adream?Then-then-amInotreallyhere,Sir?"
"No,Son," saidhekindly,takingmyhandinhis."Itisnotsogoodasthat.Thebitterdrinkofdeath isstillbeforeyou.Yeareonlydreaming.Andifyecometotellofwhatyehaveseen,makeitplain thatitwasbutadream.Seeyemakeitveryplain.Givenopoorfoolthepretexttothinkyeare claimingknowledgeofwhatnomortalknows.I'llhavenoSweden-borgsandnoValeOwens amongmychildren."
"Godforbid,Sir,"saidI,tryingtolookverywise.
"Hehasforbiddenit.That'swhatI'mtellingye."Ashe saidthishelookedmoreScotchthanever.I wasgazingsteadfastlyonhisface.Thevisionofthechessmenhadfaded,andoncemorethequiet woodsinthecoollightbeforesunrisewereaboutus.Then,stilllookingathisface,Isawthere somethingthatsentaquiverthroughmywholebody.Istoodatthatmomentwithmybacktothe Eastandthemountains,andhe,facingme,lookedtowardsthem.Hisfaceflushedwithanewlight. Afern,thirtyyardsbehindhim,turnedgolden.Theeasternsideofeverytree-trunkgrewbright. Shadowsdeepened.Allthetimetherehadbeenbirdnoises,trillings,chatterings,andthelike;but nowsuddenlythefullchoruswaspouredfromeverybranch;cockswerecrowing,therewasmusic ofhounds,andhorns;aboveallthistenthousandtonguesofmenandwoodlandangelsandthe wooditselfsang."Itcomes!Itcomes!"theysang."Sleepersawake!Itcomes,itcomes,itcomes." OnedreadfulglanceovermyshoulderIessayed-notlongenoughtosee(ordidIsee?)the rim ofthesunrisethatshootsTimedeadwithgoldenarrowsandputstoflightallphantasmalshapes. Screaming,IburiedmyfaceinthefoldsofmyTeacher'srobe."Themorning!Themorning!"I cried,"IamcaughtbythemorningandIamaghost."Butit wastoolate.Thelight,likesolid blocks,intolerableofedgeandweight,camethunderinguponmyhead.Nextmomentthefoldsof myTeacher'sgarmentwereonlythefoldsoftheoldink-stainedclothonmystudytablewhichI hadpulleddownwithmeasIfellfrommychair.TheblocksoflightwereonlythebookswhichI
hadpulledoffwithit,fallingaboutmyhead.Iawokeinacoldroom,hunchedonthefloorbesidea blackandemptygrate,theclockstrikingthree,andthesirenhowlingoverhead.