DOMESTIC ABUSE W

hen people think of domestic abuse, they often focus on physical violence. But domestic abuse includes any attempt by one person who is or has been in an intimate relationship or are family members to dominate and control the other. It is estimated that one in four women and one in six men will experience domestic abuse at some point in their lifetime.

Similarly, the impact of such abuse upon the lives of the children living in such environments cannot be underestimated. Domestic abuse is a complex and challenging issue which can wreck lives and devastate families.

In 2018, there were 1,106 domestic incidents and 468 domestic crimes in Jersey. With 442 domestic incidents where children were present and 381 domestic abuse notifications were shared with Education.

The Jersey Safeguarding Partnership (which includes a number of local agencies and Government department) launched their Domestic Abuse Strategy for 2019-2022 in April. The strategy aims over the next three years to keep more Islanders safe through three strands of work focussed on prevention, protection and provision, and includes an annual campaign to raise awareness.

There are a number of different signs and types of domestic abuse:

Psychological/emotional - uses ‘mind games,’ to undermine and make the person doubt their own opinion and to deny that abuse is happening. Constant name calling, put downs, withholding affection. Telling the person what to wear, who to see, where to go, and what to think. Making threats, using blackmail and fear to control. Isolation from friends and family.

“I left a very controlling relationship 18 months ago which resulted in me becoming very depressed, anxious and suicidal. I couldn’t breathe…he wouldn’t even let me go to the toilet without knowing where or what I was doing… he hated me seeing my friends and would lose his temper massively… every text message would be analysed and he would rage if I didn’t reply straight back to him or said I loved him enough.”

Physical - anything from a slap, bite, punch, kick, strangulation – used to instil fear. It is not about causing harm to their partner, it is about exerting power and control to scare and to use violence as a threat.

“I was in a physically abusive relationship in my early 20s, and even now 20 years on, I am still scared when someone shouts, raises their voice or gets angry that they are going to hit me. It took me a long time after the relationship ended, before I could trust someone to touch me again without being terrified. The emotional scars from the abuse never leave.”

Sexual – it isn’t just rape or sexual assault, it’s about entitlement and expectation, and forcing someone to have sex, perform certain acts or degrading behaviour against their will.

“My ex-partner would force me to have sex, when I didn’t want to. So, I would let him do what he wanted, because I was so scared of him.”

Financial - it’s more than just money, it can mean: preventing someone from getting or keeping a job, not allowing them access to their income, giving an allowance, taking money, running up debts and withholding basic necessities.

“I felt completely trapped because my partner would have control all of our income and only give me ‘pocket money’ which meant that I couldn’t afford to buy my own things nor ever go out and treat myself.”

It’s impossible to know what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some tell-tale signs of abuse:

• Depression and anxiety

• Seems afraid or anxious to please their partner and goes along with everything their partner says

• Has to check in often to report where they are and what they’re doing

• Receives frequent/harassing calls or messages from their partner

• Talks about their partner’s temper, jealousy or possessiveness

• Has frequent injuries, with the excuse of accidents

• Frequently misses work, school, or social occasions, without explanation

• Dresses in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars

• Cancels plans last minute

What should you do?

It can be very hard to talk about abuse. Here are some tips for ways to approach and the help someone you are worried about: approach them in a sensitive way, such as “I am worried about you because…”. Let them know they are not alone, that it is not their fault and that you know how hard it can be to talk about it. Help them to recognise that what is happening is unacceptable and that they don’t have to put up with it. Provide them with information about agencies that are there to help and support them. Don’t judge, just listen.

Where to go for help?

In an emergency, call the States of Jersey Police on 999 for immediate help.

• Jersey Domestic Abuse Support - 880505

• States of Jersey Police – non-emergency: 612612

• Jersey Refuge Service - 768368

• Victim Support - 440496

• *Jersey Action Against Rape – 482800

*(for sexual offences and not for generic DA reporting)