ISSUE 207 - WEDNESDAY 1ST MARCH 2023

The Rolleston Hope Op Shop located on Springston Rolleston Road is an Op Shop with a big difference - their main objective is to help people on the ground righthere,rightnow.

What started as a voluntary, three month, project in December 2021 by one person, has quickly become a local hub where not only items are traded, but community connections are beingestablished.

They are proud to be part of bringing the community together again after the isolation and anxietycausedbyCovid.

The Op Shop is open to the public three days a week (dry weather only), which helps to fund the main part of their mission, which happens during closed hours. The group works with the members of the community that are experiencing some really tough and unexpected situations. They also

work with many other agencies in the community that provide forpeopleinneed.

The Shop keeps its prices low so people’s needs can be filled without having to talk to anyone if they are not ready. They also want people to be able to fill their wants as retail therapy is often a great pick me up when times are tough or someone is havingadownday.

Any profit made goes back into the local community via sponsorship of community groups and direct assistance in emergencies. They firmly believe in giving when you can and receiving when you need, and that there is more than enough in this world for everyone if we all share and care instead of living in competition with each other.

To find out further details To find out further details visit their Facebook page: their Facebook page: Rolleston Hope Op Shop.

ThreemembersoftheRollestonHopeOpShopteam. AnnaFuller,DanaGeorge(Manager)andElysseRenouf.

ROLLESTON MEN’S SHED

With schools starting back, jobs have rolled in for the Rolleston Men’s Shed. One that has been completed most years is engraving names and phone numbers on scooters and bikes forClearviewSchool.

The Engineering workshop is making a bike rack, which is a prototypeformoretobemade. Though cast-metal bag hangers can be bought and might look attractive, they are not strong or cheap. The Shed has been making bag hangers from short

steel rods, which are pressed into holes in strips of wood and then screwed to the wall. Simple,butverye ective.

The Woodworking section has turned some foot massage rollers.

As some get older, a higher chair makes getting up easier, one member is making taller feet for his chair. A cot is also having Aframelegsmadeforit. A good yarn and the morning cuppa are still the most importantitems.

Feel free to drop by for a yarn! Feel free to by for a yarn!

The Shed, situated at The Shed, situated at Shed, situated at Shed, situated at 54 Dynes Road, Rolleston is 54 Dynes Road, Rolleston is open Saturday, Monday and open Saturday, and Wednesday mornings. Wednesday mornings. Wednesday mornings. Wednesday mornings. Visit our website for Visit our website for Visit our for Visit our for further information: further information: further information: further information: rollestonshed.wordpress.com rollestonshed.wordpress.com rollestonshed.wordpress.com rollestonshed.wordpress.com

The Rolleston Men's Shed The Shed AGM will be held on will on Saturday, April 22, 2023 April 22, 2023 at 10.30am. at 10.30am. 10.30am. 10.30am.

Sandy Ferguson, Rolleston Men’s Shed.

BikerackmadebytheEngineeringWorkshop. Newlegsforthecot.

LEESTON FETE

It’s so exciting to see community events happening again after a frustratingcoupleofyears.

The Leeston Fete for 2023 will be held on March 18th, with free entry, this will be an enjoyable dayoutforthewholefamily.

The request for stalls this year hasbeenoverwhelming,somuch so, that organisers are having to tweak the areas down the main street of Leeston to fit everyonein.

They have a free dedicated

VISITOR GUIDE

Selwyn’s o cial visitor guide is filled with beautiful and interesting places to visit, exciting activities to try and peaceful places to stay - right here in your own backyard. Plus, the guide is great to share with your family and friends who are planning to visit.

There is so much to experience in Selwyn, including taking a journey along the Great Alpine Highway by car or train into the Southern Alps where you will find stunning waterfalls and kea. The highway also passes six ski fields, where you can enjoy uncrowded skiing in winter and great trails to explore during the summer months.

If you’re feeling adventurous, take a ride in New Zealand’s only airboat along the Waimakariri River, or float across the Canterbury Plains in a hot air balloon.

Plan your next adventure and pick up a copy of the guide from any Selwyn Library and Service Centre or download a free copy at Selwyn.nz Selwyn.nz website. You can also use this website to access free travel itineraries for more great ideas if you’re planning a day out or longer.

games and activity area for children in Anderson Square, and the Anglican and Co-operating Parish grounds are going to be full of a variety of stalls and entertainment.

Along the main street of Leeston, there will also be all your favourite stalls with a huge variety of food vendors at either end. The street will be closed to tra c, allowing you the freedom tomeanderfromstalltostall.

See advertisement in this See advertisement in this See in this See in this issue for further details. for

LOCAL VETS IN ROLLESTON”

Hours: Monday to Friday 8am - 6pm, Saturday 9am - 1pm

GREAT SUPPORT

The Rolleston Scout Group are currently fundraising to send over 50 youth (11-14 years) plus a team of leaders to Jamboree 2023atMysteryCreek.

This comes at no small cost, which means lots of fundraising!

On Saturday evening the group hosted Ethel and Bethel Bingo Babes. With the stadium full of eager players ready to call out for the win, Ethel and Bethel kept the audience on the edge of their seats with their witty humour, delightful tales and the hope of their number being callednext.

The event wouldn't have been the success that it was without the strong support of our community. Nick Booth Nick Booth Nick Nick Booth and the team at Bayleys Selwyn came on board as the platinum sponsor. Our gold sponsors, Laser Plumbing Christchurch West, RV Centre, Eliot Sinclair and World Travellers Rolleston also played a huge role in ensuring the night was filled

with belly laughs and a few tears rollingdownpeople’scheeks.

Local businesses also donated generous prizes and the main auction prizes proved to be in hot demand on the night. Lastly, a big thank you to the community for supporting us.

Without you all, this wouldn't havebeenpossible.

To see a full list of sponsors To see full list of sponsors visit their Facebook page: their Facebook page: Rolleston Scout Group NZ. Rolleston Scout Emma Prestage, Chairperson, Rolleston Scout Group.

EXCITING VENTURE

Recently opened, Helado, is a gelato and co ee garden located in the heart of Rolleston. Helado was created by Val ValVal Val, Cata CataCata and Sam SamSam Sam, who are all from a hospitality background and are passionateabouthowfoodmakes themfeel.

Helado’s primary goal is to bring people together to enjoy great, homemade gelato in a space where families and friends can relax,eatgreatfood andhave fun together.

Their main o ering is gelato and co ee, however, they have also included a great pastry and savoury selection for early risers that need to satisfy their breakfastandlunchcravings.

Helado o ers a variety of flavours that change seasonally and are made to order using fresh ingredientsfromlocalsuppliers.

“It’s been a great feeling becoming part of the Rolleston community. Everyone has been excited about our o erings, and so far the feedback has all been extremely positive. We are extremely grateful for the community and aim to satisfy their cravings daily,” commented Val,CateandSam.

TheRollestonScoutsFundraisingCommitteewithEthelandBethel.

ROLLESTON FIRE BRIGADE

With 2022 finally, in the rearview mirror, 2023 has made its presencewithintent!

Seven weeks into 2023, and the Rolleston Volunteer Fire Brigade isalreadyaveraging1.5calloutsa day! We have responded to 84 calls so far, and all have been of variousnatures.

We are into full-swing training on aWednesday, so ifyou see us out around Rolleston, give us a wave. We have already had some members away on training courses, with a lot more coming up. Brigade members do these courses in their own time to upskill themselves to be able to provide the best service they can forourcommunity.

Whilst I sit here in the sunshine

writing this, considering how dry it is and the fire risk we face, I can’t help but spare a thought for those in the North Island who have not just su ered one but two major weather events this year already. The road ahead for all those a ected by Cyclone Gabrielle will be long, but as we know in Canterbury they’ll get through it up there, and we as a country will come out stronger together.

ToourbrothersandsistersofFire and Emergency grieving the loss of two of our own volunteers, we stand together to remember and reflect on the risks of our job. All oftheemergencyservicesandaid workers do an amazing job in someone's time of need, so often

putting others first before themselves and what damage mightbewaitingathome.

From the Rolleston Fire Brigade, thank you to all of those amazing people, their families at home holding things together and the communities that rally together tohelpeachotherout.

As we continue to get hot days with the wind drying the ground outevenfasterweaskyoutostay vigilantwhenoutdoors.Ifyousee smokeoranythingsuspiciousring 111assoonasyoucan.

Enjoy the warm weather, think before you light and drive to the conditions.

Chris Peat, Senior Fire Fighter, Rolleston Volunteer Fire Brigade.

SUMMER IN SELWYN

SummerinSelwynhasonceagain been a huge hit in Rolleston with thousands turning out to enjoy thesunandfun.

Highlights over January included the ever-popular Teddy Bears’ Picnic, which saw 2,500 peopleand many more teddies - turn out to enjoy food, music, games and

fun at Brookside Park, with everyone commenting they had a greatday.

There was also positive feedback from the 600 or so people who turned out to the annual Epic Pool Party at Selwyn Aquatic Centre.

New this year, was a chance to learn circus skills at Jump and Juggle at Selwyn Sports Centre with over 400 children taking the opportunity to learn tricks like how to juggle and spin plates, playing on bouncy castles and with the Lu Uno Wall, as well as take in a show from the StrawberryFairy.

Almost 200 young people had a great time at the three play sessions also held at the Selwyn Sports Centre, trying out new sports, such as Pickleball, Floorball and Korfball, and old favouriteslikebasketball.

A food lab with tasty kitchen experiments, a wind workshop makingkitesandwindmills,anda paddle boarding session in the

poolwerealsopopular.

The fun continued into February with showers and grey skies not able to dampen the spirits of the more than 2,000 people at Foster ParkforKiteDay.

For the first time, the popular Month ofSundays, usually held in Lincoln each year, also got an outing in Rolleston, with Rolleston Brass Band opening the proceedings on the lawn outside Te Ara Ātea on Tennyson Street, with a wide variety of music and musical styles from across the years.

The fun continued on Sunday, February 26th, with The Port Hillbillies bringing their joyous mixture of Bluegrass, Old Time andAmericanamusic.

Another new addition this year was the chalk art competitions, which proved, in Lincoln and West Melton, to be successful, and a good crowd also attended the Rolleston event on Thursday, February23rd.

It’s been great to see the community embracing all the events and is lovely to see the smiles on people’s faces, as well as hear the numerous positive comments coming back about how much these events have beenappreciated.

Thanks for a great summer Rolleston. While the summer events may be ending, there’s plentystilltocomeovertheyear.

Keep an eye on Selwyn.govt.nz/ Keep an eye on Selwyn.govt.nz/ an eye an eye events or check out the huge events or check out the huge events check the events check the range of programmes run by our range of programmes run by our of run by of run by Selwyn Libraries at Libraries at selwynlibraries.co.nz/events. selwynlibraries.co.nz/events. Selwyn District Council.

Wednesday 1st March 2023

Wednesday 1st March 2023

Wednesday 1st March 2023

Wednesday 1st March 2023

Maintaining your Focus Maintaining your Focus

It can be very challenging to set goals with all the ‘white noise’ going on around us. Media hype is a number one distraction and contradicts itself on a daily basis

There is no doubt events will occur that will impact on your strategies to achieve your goals, but it is important to remain focused on the results.

Be flexible with your planning to take into account, the changes out of your control, such as interest rates. So, you are going to have to add two years to that plan to achieve the desired outcome.

That’s ok. As long as the goal remains intact, the posts may have to move.

Life is a challenge to be embraced and celebrated. Enjoy the journey, and the results will speak for themselves!

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KIM HILL HOT TOPIC RETURNS

After an absence, last year due to Covid, Lincoln Envirotown in conjunction with Lincoln University, are happy to announce that the popular ‘Hot Topic’ discussion will take place at Lincoln University in late March.

As per tradition, the well-known Radio personality Kim Hill will lead a panel of experts who will discuss this year’s topic, ‘Tourism Reset’.

ANZ

Once the panel have deliberated their varying views, the audience will be invited to question panel members.

Issues relating to New Zealand’s tourism model were manifesting themselves well before the Covid pause. Problems of freedom campers, overused walking tracks, and pressure on infrastructure were well documented. Even in the short time since ‘re-opening’,problems

relating to Cruise Ships and a possible new airport in Tarras arecausingconcern.

The evening is always a stimulating and enjoyable occasion. Everyone is welcome, and there will be food and refreshmentsavailable.

To find out further info or to or register visit: register visit: register visit: register visit: Humanitix Humanitix Humanitix Humanitix- Kim Hill Hot Kim Hill Hot Kim Hill Hot Kim Hill Hot Topic, or Lincoln Envirotown Topic, or Lincoln Envirotown or Lincoln Envirotown or Lincoln Envirotown’ ’’ ’s s s s website or Facebook Page. website or Facebook Page. website or Facebook website or Facebook

• All mechanical repairs

PHONE: 03 347 4234

With many families feeling financial pressure, ANZ Netball Grants aims to ensure kids can still play netball by subsidising Rollestonkids’registrationfees.

ANZ is providing $100,000 in netball fee subsidies to ensure Kiwi kids can play the game they love. This financial help could be the di erence between a child getting into the game or having to watch the season from the side-lines. The ANZ Netball Grant Fund will be awarded to nominated teams of children aged 5-18 years who wish to participate in netball for the 2023 season. Applicants must be NewZealandresidents.

ANZ has supported netball, from grassroots teams in the community, to the elite players in the ANZ Premiership and SilverFerns,for14years.

ANZ Bank New Zealand Chief

HELPING

Executive Antonia Watson says more and more families are under financial pressure and registration fees are one of the firstbarriersofentrytosport.

“Sport is such an important part of a child’s wellbeing and we don’t want families who might bedoingittoughtomissout.

“Nothing brings Kiwi families together like weekend sport and, particularly at times of stress, it’s a great way to strengthen communityspirit.

“We hope this support helps remove that financial barrier and allows everyone to continue to enjoynetballthisseason.”

Netball NZ CEO, Jennie Wyllie says this initiative from ANZ will make a huge di erence in the community.

“Families who might have had to sacrifice the game, can reconsider entering their child

NETBALLERS COUNCIL DECISIONS

thanks to ANZ. Future Silver Ferns and ANZ Premiership players will get their start at grassroots games across the country this season. ANZ’s support will mean every kid will have the chance to follow their dreamsintothegame.”

Applications for the ANZ Future Captains experience, which gives two lucky netball fans the chance to lead the stars of the ANZ Premiership onto the court at each o cial match, interact with the players, and experience the action from prime courtside seats, are now open. This unique opportunity to connect with Aotearoa’s top netball players is back after being benched due to COVID-19in2022.

Teams can apply directly for Teams can apply directly for Teams apply for Teams apply for financial support from financial support from financial support financial support ANZcourtside.co.nz until ANZcourtside.co.nz until until until entries close 24 March 2023. entries close 24 March 2023. 24 March 24 March

Plan change decisions Plan change confirmed

The Council has declined a private application to re-zone land to a residential zone on the west side of Rolleston and confirmed the next steps on a proposed development in West Melton.

At its meeting on Wednesday, February 8th, the Council endorsed the commissioners recommendations to decline Private Plan Change applications 81 and 82 to re-zone land residential along Dunn’s Crossing Road on the western edge of Rolleston.

The Council also made the decision to notify Private Plan Change 77 application for public consultation.

This application is seeking to rezone land on the western edge of West Melton to build around 218 homes, including a retirementvillage.

Council supports site Council supports site Council supports Council supports for new school for new school for school for school

The Council agreed to recommend to the Ministry of Education to proceed with the next steps for building the proposed new secondary school campusinRolleston.

The technical process saw the

Council recommending to the Minister of Education to accept a Notice of Requirement to designate the land at 700 Selwyn Road for educational purposes rather than its current residential zoning.

The Council is not a decision maker in the process, but the recommendation to the Ministry is the next formal step required in the process, allowing the Ministrytocarrythroughitsplans to build the new secondary school campus, along with a primary school and early childhood centre, to cater for the projected roll growth in Rolleston.

Full reports can be found in the Council mee>ng Agenda at: www.selwyn.govt.nz/__data/assets/pdf_file/0006/1556430/PUBLICAgenda-Council-8-February-2023.pdf

Wednesday 1st March 2023

Wednesday 1st March 2023

Wednesday 1st March 2023

Wednesday 1st March 2023

FLORAL ART GROUP

TheabovegroupofladiesrecentlymetonaSaturdaymorningatTeAraAteatomakeposiesfrom gardenflowers,andhavedecidedtobecomeafloralartinterestgroup,withafewworkshops tobeheldthroughouttheyear.

Thenextworkshopwillbemakingrusticwreathsfromvinesorotherplantmaterialsreadilyavailable fromthegardenorroadside.ThiswillbeheldlateApril/earlyMay.Newmemberswhoenjoyworking withflowersarewelcometojointhisfriendlygroup.

FormoreinformationpleasecontactCarolRains:0272241033(textonly).

ROLLESTON COLLEGE HEAD STUDENTS

Our theme as a leadership group is unity and we are doing this through peer support, having Year 13’s out at breaks and being around younger learners. To be an example through our ac>ons is the biggest impact we can make!

THOMAS GARNER

I have a passion for the outdoors, hunting, fishing and camping. I also regularly play video games and sometimes read or draw. I like playing hockey as a sport, my favourite subjects are law and history but I also enjoy psychology and English. A personal goal is to pass the NZDF fitness test requirements and then join the Defence Force or Police, because I love the idea of a job that is engaging, physically and mentally challenging, as well as providing service and assistance to the community.

GEMMA JARVIS

In my spare time I played netball and spend time with family and friends.

A goal I have for the year is to achieve an excellent endorsement in Level 3 while also gaining university entrance.

I want to push myself outside my comfort zone this year and grow as a person and lead by fully immersing myself in the opportunities that there are as head student. My goal as a leader is to contribute to creating a culture of unity within Rolleston College.

TED WARD

I have been at Rolleston College since I was in Year 9. In that time I have had some amazing opportunities. Two that stand out for me is making my debut for the Selwyn Schools 1st XV. I was also part of the team that won the Mixed Touch National title in 2022. This is the first national title for our school and it is great to be part of this legacy and we look forward to defending our title.

ERZA GREEN

My goal this year is to excel in my studies and gain an endorsement for Level 3. I will also represent the Football First XI and our Futsal team. I am really looking forward to a school trip to Spain later in the year, this is a language I really enjoy learning. A leadership goal is to have an impact on the learning environment and to be a positive role model .

DAKOTA STOKES

My favourite subject at school is Te Reo Māori. My personal goal for 2023 is to gain endorsement in NCEA Level 3. My leadership goal for this year to promote unity and further influence community and connections within the School. I love that we can still build our school cultures to create a place that we enjoy. It is an honour to be a Head Student this year.

FOR SALE

WOOD WOOD WOOD WOOD shavings - untreated, clean shavings suitable for horse stables, calving sheds, chicken houses and rabbit hutches. Available in 70L bags, 1m 3 bales (compressed) and bulk delivery. Ph 021 243 8378 formoredetails.

LOCKSMITH

mobile service, keys cut and general lock and safe maintenance. EFTPOS available. Call Locktight Security0211718060.

LIFESTYLE LIFESTYLE LIFESTYLE property wanted, 4-10 acres with a small home or bare land with a shed. Lookinginthefollowingareas. West Melton, Broadfields, Rolleston, Burnham and Kirwee. Please phone 0212581331.

ROOF ROOF ROOF ROOF & house maintenance. All aspects covered including spouting, mortar, tiles, re-roofing, roof painting, moss, mould & silicone sealing. General repairs. Pleasephone033476702. ROOF ROOF & property services. 2 storey work! Roof leak repairs (incl Butynol), moss control, silicone seal, spouting clean & repairs, spider & fly control, bird proofing, roof painting. All roof & spouting types. Call Arthur’s, 7 days, 03 347 2635 or 027 584 7980.

CATTERY

CATS on Courtenay Boutique Boarding Cattery!

• Purpose built, nestled in a tranquil, rural setting. • Close proximity to all main centres.

Phone: 027 433 3564 www.catsoncourtenay.nz Check

CHIMNEY CLEANING

Full Livery Resident Instructor - Dressage (Brugs Nicholls)

Very Limited Spaces

FACILITIES INCLUDE:

• 60x20 Floodlit

Outdoor Arena

• 40x20 Floodlit

Indoor School

• 8 Stables

• Round Pen

• Hot Water Wash Bay

• Double Fenced Paddocks

• Loading Ramp

• Large Car Parking (keep Float/Truck on site)

• Crush grangeroadstables.nz

CHIM CHIMCHIM CHIMChim.We'llsweepyourlog -burners flue, check the firebricks, baffles, air-tubes and controls. We're experts oncoal-ranges,alsosweeping any sized open fire. We quote and undertake repairs, flue extensions and install bird netting. 021 939 113 MembersNZHHA.

DRIVEWAYS

Lifestyle, farm tracks, tracks, yards and dairy lanes yards and dairy lanes yards and lanes yards and lanes our speciality. our speciality. speciality. speciality. Screenedrotten-rock, it’slocalandlastsbetter.

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CLASS 4 TRUCK DRIVER WANTED

Part Time Position | 1-2 hours per day

We are looking for a reliable person to fill our position driving a Class 4 bulk tip truck with a Roadranger transmission. Based near Rolleston, we do 2 loads per day, Monday to Friday. Each load takes approximately 1hr. The first load is at 10am, the second load is after 3pm.

We are looking for someone to fill all or some of the loads, as a job share option is available. This position may suit a retiree, semi-retired person or a stay at home parent looking for work during school hours.

Email your CV to kiwibulktransport@gmail.com or phone Nick on 021 243 8378.

LOCKSMITH LOCKSMITH LOCKSMITH Selwyn based 24hr

MAINTENANCE ENGINEER

Canterbury Clay Bricks is seeking a Maintenance Engineer to carry out general engineering work and repairs.

The posi on is full me and is based at our Factory in Darfield. The job entails a wide variety of skills which would suit trade and non-trade applicants.

Experience in general maintenance and repair of plant and equipment would be an advantage. You must be able to work well on your own and have excellent communica on skills, both verbal and wri7en.

To apply for this position or for further details please email richard@clay-bricks.co.nz

FULL-TIME COOK

Dunsandel Stop Shop is looking for a full-time cook, with front of house experience and excellent coffee making skills!

You will be in charge of food prep every morning, baking, cooking food all day for the hot food cabinets as well as meals. Some serving behind the counter will be required. Being available to work weekends is a must! But don’t worry you get guaranteed weekends off as well, approximately 35 hours per week. If this sounds like something you are interested in please email your CV in to dunsandelstopshop@gmail.com

• Experience of at least

• Immediate start possible

• Wages and remuneration negotiable

Workshop Assistant/Trainee

• Experience 12 months minimum or

• Completed level 3 Automotive apprenticeship

• Apprenticeship available for the right candidate

• Immediate start possible

• Wages & Remuneration negotiable

For further info please email Shelley on coalgatemotors@xtra.co nz

TRADES

T H Enterprises Ltd is a family-owned business with several farms in the South Island hub within the Selwyn area, and two further hubs in the North Island, Rotorua and the Hawkes Bay. All farms are kept to a high standard, with good housing, excellent support from the o -farm team, including the Operations Manager, Farm Support, HR Specialist, etc. The South Island farms vary in size between 800-1050 cows and are all located within 5-10 minutes of the nearest township and 15-20 minutes from Rolleston.

T H Enterprises Ltd welcomes applicants for the following roles in our South Island Group of farms:

FARM MANAGER - Tripleton Farm

This is a Synlait Lead with Pride farm, milking 800 cows through a 54-bail rotary shed with five full time sta , pivot and lateral irrigation. Calving is managed jointly with the adjoining farm within the South Island Group and wintering is managed internally on our support block next to the farm.

The successful applicant will:

• Have a minimum of 1-2 years experience managing a dairy farm.

• Have a passion for working with people and cows.

• Understand pasture and feed requirements.

• Be able to show evidence of career growth and continued learning.

• Experience with Lead With Pride would be an advantage but not a must.

In return, we o er a competitive remuneration package with a fully paid for external training programme, if desired. Home is a warm modern 3-bedroom + o ce family home with a great location, only 11 minutes from Dunsandel township and 20 minutes from Rolleston township, with buses to nearby schools. There are opportunities to further train and progress your career both within farming and within the T H Enterprises Ltd business.

FARM ASSISTANT - Tripleton Farm

The successful applicant will:

• Be a keen learner with a strong work ethic

• Have a love of the outdoors and a genuine interest in animals and animal health

• Have a valid driver's license

• Be able to pass a pre-employment drug test

In return, we o er a competitive remuneration package, warm family home, great location close to good schools and welcoming townships, and opportunities to further train and progress your career both within farming and within the T H Enterprises Ltd business.

To apply, please email your CV and cover-letter to: thenterprises.recruitment@gmail.com, note the role that you are applying for in the subject line.

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Mr Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

“Boss,” he says, “We’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow and my wife needs me to help with the a>c and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”

‘We’re short-handed, Smith,” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”

“Thanks, boss,” says Mr Smith. “I knew I could count on you!”

Three elderly men are at the doctor’s office for a memory test.

The doctor askes the first man, “What’s three mes three.”

Two hundred and seventy four,” he replied.

The doctors says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three mes three?”

“Tuesday,” replies the second man.

The doctor then asks the third man, “Ok, your turn, what is three mes three?”

“Nine,” says the third man.

“That’s great!” says the doctor. “How did you get that answer?”

“Simple,” he says, “I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday.”