MAGNOLIA McKay’s Mill Community Magazine
Your Home • Your Community • Your Magazine
March 2011 • FREE
McKay’s Mill
...Your Home and Mine!
Whether buying or selling, let my integrity, enthusiasm, knowledge, experience and strong negotiating skills work for you.
www.CaroleBrennan.com www.McKaysMillRealEstate.com Broker, ABR, CRS, GRI, PMN, SRES, e-PRO 615-370-8669 office 615-390-7554 cell Homes@CaroleBrennan.com
8119 Isabella Lane, Suite 105 Brentwood, TN 37027
Letter From The Publisher
A
hhhh! March marks the beginning of Spring and it couldn’t come soon enough. It’s finally time to dig the shorts out of the closet, prepare the flowers for planting and rejoice in the warm sun on our faces. Spring always feels like the most well-deserved season, especially after the Winter that we have had to endure this year. The harsher the Winter, the more reason to celebrate the Spring... and celebrate we will! With Mardi Gras, St. Patrick’s Day and Franklin’s Main Street Brew Fest, there are plenty of reasons to get together with friends and family and welcome the warmth back into our outdoor lives. So, get outside and watch the magic of nature as it too comes out of Winter’s hibernation. This March also has a very special celebration in our home. Our son turns 18! It’s a strange event to watch the person that Sally and I still lovingly refer to as “the baby” be accepted as an adult by society. I know that the role of a parent is never-ending, but it’s both joyous and nerve racking to watch our son enter the world on his own accord. To both triumph in his victories and to be optimistic in the face of his defeats. Part of us wants to capture him forever as he is now, but just like parents for thousands of years before us, we have to keep a strong face and take comfort in the fact that we have provided a sturdy platform for his leap into the world. We love you Joshey, and we are so very proud of the man that you have grown up to become. The world is yours!
“Science has never drummed up quite as effective a tranquilizing agent as a sunny spring day.” ~W. Earl Hall
Upcoming McKay’s Mill Events
Saturday, April 16 - Easter Egg Hunt, the club house is reserved for this event up until 4 PM Saturday June 4 Pool Party - I will chair and LOTS of help is needed! Monday, July 4th - 4th of July Bike parade, Clubhouse is reserved ‘till 4pm *A Chair person is needed! Saturday Oct 22 - Fall Festival, Clubhouse is reserved all day for this event * I will chair, help is appreciated Saturday Dec 10 - Clubhouse is reserved for the entire day - Breakfast with Santa and “maybe” a party for adult residents later that evening, if anyone is willing to plan! * I will chair, help is appreciated Dates for the spring and fall yard subdivision wide yard sales are not yet scheduled. I’ll let you know as soon as possible. ~Alli Lane Social Committee Coordinator
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Credits
CONTENTS
Publisher / Art Director Joshua Carré
JoshuaCarre@MagnoliaPublications.com
Advertising Director / Social Director Sally Carré SallyCarre@MagnoliaPublications.com
Sonshine • 6 Real Estate • 7 What’s Your Story? • 8
Editor Every Aiden Thomas Creative Consultant / Birthday Boy Joshua Cantu Carré Contributors David Jay Deanna Scheffel Kristi Carré Dr. Paul Gaddis Malinda Dowsett Susan S. Cheung
Adoption Benefit Golf Tournament • 9 Tips For Organizing EVERYTHING In Your Life • 10 Bulletin Board • 13 It Starts in the Parks • 14 People Search • 15
McKay’s Mill Contributors Susan Charest (Waverly) Neidhart Family (Scottsdale) Eva Vaughan (Scottsdale) Mike Servais (Scottsdale) Jason Smith (Alexandria) Joseph Lillagore (Hudson)
Community Calendar • 16 A New Vital Role for Community College • 18 McKay’s Financial • 20 In The Theater • 22 McKay’s Business Page • 23
March Cover Photo “Shamrock Field” Photo by: Claudio Fichera
Fab Fridge Art • 24 Teacher’s Corner • 25 Saint Patrick’s Day • 26 Change Your Conversation • 27
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Magnolia Publications is a privately owned company and is not affiliated with The McKay’s Mill Home Owners Association, Ghertner & Company or any of the advertisers within. All Content is © 2011 Magnolia Publications. All Rights Reserved.
MagnoliaPublications.com • March 2011 • 5
Redefining Luck by Susan Charest of Waverly Webster Dictionary defines luck as: the chance happening of fortune or a prosperous moment. My definition of luck continues to change with time. When I was 10, I thought I was lucky when my sister handed down her 10 speed bike, with only one working hand break duct taped to the handle bar. Then when I was 16, I thought I was lucky because my sister handed down her 1971 Dodge Dart. The color of the car was dirt brown with the longest front bench seat ever. The car would actually “whistle” when I drove it, due to all the rust holes throughout the body. Truly, I was fortunate to have my own “wheels.” During this period of my life, WHEELS = LUCK. After some college, I landed my first “real” job working in the IT department at KSC (Kennedy Space Center) in Cape Canaveral, Florida. Once again, I felt lucky. It was an amazing experience to see astronauts boarding a shuttle van to be transported 9 miles to the launch pad. A radio broadcast would be played over our intercom so we could hear the astronauts “live” conversations. Every worker at KSC would gather outside to watch the last 90-seconds of the count down to launch. With an overwhelming feeling of pride, we watched the lift-off and knew that each of us provided a little speck of help in this awesome endeavor. Then my career sailed off. Literally that is. I was hired in the IT department to work for a fleet of cruise ships. Yes, twist my arm, it did require traveling around the Caribbean islands and Mediterranean sea. I felt ever so lucky to visit many vacation destinations that I would never see in a life time and work along side amazing people with great diversity. During this period in my life, CAREER = LUCK. I was “on a roll” with luck. I was introduced to my husband at work. We were married 10 months later on a very hot, Floridian October. We were lucky that it didn’t rain and that the Pastor showed up (that is a story for another time). 6 • Magnolia • McKay’s Mill Community Magazine
Then, there were pivotal moments in my life that changed my definition of luck. We experienced the death of our daughter, critical sickness of our third son and a near drowning incident with our second son. Some would call this a sad twist of misfortune or bad luck. These were the darkest times when I was brought down on my knees in prayer. I felt God carry me in the palm of His hand. I felt a love in it’s purest and most peaceful form blanket me. It’s so profound that even as a writer, I am unable to find words to explain it. These experiences dawned a clear perspective and this is when my perspective on luck changed. Luck for me isn’t finding a four leaf clover or carrying a rabbit foot in the hopes that I can land an amazing job or drive an incredible car. LUCK = LIFE’S BLESSINGS. It’s locking eyes with my son after he scored a basketball shot. It’s watching my son’s lips uncontrollably push upward to form a smile after he made it safely to first base. It’s kissing our toddler’s “baby-back ribs” to hear his belly laugh. It’s receiving daily notes of encouragement from my husband. It’s having incredible friends that are strapped in and riding beside me through the roller coaster of life. It’s watching a sherbert sunset, smelling autumn in the air and kicking up fresh fallen leaves. I know that when I’m 100% present in the moment, I am “lucky” enough to see all the blessings an ordinary day can hold. Perhaps, instead of wishing we could be looking and who knows, we may end up feeling like the luckiest people on the earth.
Susan Charest lives in McKay’s Mill with her husband and their three inspiring sons. She is a budding children’s book author and member of SCBWI (Society of Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators). She hopes her writings touch and inspire others through laughter and loving reflection. She can be reached at sonshine@me.com.
REAL ESTATE
MagnoliaPublications.com • March 2011 • 7
What’s Your Story? By Susan S. Cheung
It’s March already and come the summer, it will be two years since we moved to Fieldstone Farms. From experience, it takes two years to feel settled in a new place. I’ve gone through the normal stages of feeling miserable, where I’ve missed my friends and compared everything to what I’d left behind. Reflecting back, I realize I’ve started to put down roots and make friends. But, it’s taken time and hard work. Despite Nashville and its surrounds being voted as one of the friendliest cities in the US, I’ve found it hard to get to know people. From the outside, long-term residents seem to have enough friends from their family, church or college circles. They seem to have neither the time nor the inclination to make new friends in their busy lives. I’ve spoken to people, who have lived in the sub division for years, but hardly know their neighbors or people down their streets. Most of my new friends are transplants and listening to how they came to live in Franklin, I started to think we each have a story and many of us don’t fit into a neat box. I certainly don’t, being born and raised in England of Hong Kong Chinese parents and immigrant to America for the past ten years. I confuse people. I look Chinese, but I’m not from China and I’m not Asian American. We moved to Tennessee because my husband accepted a research position at Vanderbilt University Medical Center. I met a Franklin native, who told me he remembers a time when the population of Franklin was 11,000 and you dialed a single digit on the phone to reach his family business. Fast forward and the US Census estimated the 2008 population to be 58,481. That’s a whole lot of people moving here and they each have their story. Be honest, do we take the time in our busy lives to show an interest in a new person, listen to their story and want to learn more? People ask me where I meet people. I say everywhere—from coffee shops to supermarkets—and I take advantage of the ordinary situations I find myself in as a mother of two elementary school age children. You have to find the time to talk and listen; that’s the hard work of making friends. I’m fascinated by all I’m learning from new friends and their stories. They have dispelled many of my pre-conceived ideas of places, like my limited knowledge of Chile (sea bass and wine) before I met Carolina McCord, who lives in the Grassland area. We met at the preschool both our youngest attended and bonded over an international day organized for the preschoolers. Carolina grew up in Santiago, Chile and worked as a financial analyst for a multinational bank before she met her American husband on vacation in New York City. First came love, then two children (now seven and five) a life 8 • Magnolia • McKay’s Mill Community Magazine
in Connecticut and Alabama (where they could be close to her husband’s family) before they moved to Nashville less than two years ago. Making friends has been a challenge, but some new friendships have opened up since she started to head one of the PTA committees at her oldest child’s elementary school. The newcomers to Franklin are not all from overseas. We have residents, who have moved here from coast to coast and have experienced lives and cultures very different from that of the south. It can be as lonely for them as any non American adjusting to a new situation. Loneliness is one of the feelings Alyssa Volker, a Fieldstone Farms resident, has experienced settling into the area. She grew up in Andover, Massachusetts, lived in Illinois and upstate New York and moved here with their two children (now six and three) less than two years ago when her husband accepted a dream position as Head of Music Composition at Belmont. We met during Kindergarten testing and struck up a conversation. I found out she had accepted a part-time position as an adjunct classical voice teacher at Belmont. I told her I wanted to have voice lessons and our friendship began. She has since made some connections at work and also at church, where she sings as a soloist and member of the choir. I was happy when a stranger made an effort to chat to me at a children’s birthday party not long after we moved to the area. That person turned out to be Lona Heins, who lives in Mckays Mills. Her background typifies one of the many fascinating stories you find out when you start to make friends. She grew up on a remote ranch in South Dakota, became a nanny in Boston to earn money for school and ended up training to be a pastry chef at the Culinary Institute of America in Hyde Park, NY. She came to work as a pastry chef in Nashville in the mid 90s and found herself in the ideal place to pursue her first love, music, as a singer/songwriter. She met her husband, who was also in the music business, and they both decided to leave touring to settle down and have a family. Now, with a six and five-year-old, she’s “still happy, still kicking, still cooking and still singing....” As all three of my friends have told me there are opportunities to make friends, but you have to want it and work at it. I challenge you, go speak to a new person and find out their story. We have to walk the talk before we can live up to the moniker of being the friendliest city. Susan S. Cheung (known to many by her Chinese name, Shifay) is a Fieldstone Farms-based writer originally from London, England. You can contact her at y2s2cheung@yahoo.com
Set A New Course Adoption Benefit Golf Tournament Monday, April 4th Submitted by Keith and Leigh Neidhart of Scottsdale
Set A New Course Adoption Benefit was founded to provide aid to those who are willing to open their hearts to children currently living in orphanages and welcome them into their home where they will be enveloped with the love of family. Touched by the amazing opportunity adopting families were giving to misplaced children, Keith & Leigh Neidhart along with Rusty & Crystal Varenkamp set
off to find a way to help offset the financial burden placed on the families. In the fall of 2010 the founders decided to host a golf tournament to benefit 3 local families (one of which is in McKay’s Mill) in bringing home a total of 5 children. These families are the 2011 beneficiaries of all of the golf tournament proceeds. To learn more, please visit our website at www.adoptionbenefit.org Or call Crystal at 615-5952718. Like to know how you can help? All you need to do is join us for a fun round of golf, sign up for a sponsorship, donate golfer prizes or simply make a donation. Every little bit helps to bring these kids home. You may also sponsor a prize giveaway where your company will be recognized at the luncheon. Custom sponsorship also available. Your support is greatly appreciated!
MagnoliaPublications.com • March 2011 • 9
Tips For Organizing EVERYTHING In Your Life Including Your Mind By Eva Vaughan of Scottsdale
No one has time to waste on reading an ego-driven introduction to get to the meat and potatoes. So I’m going to keep it to “what you need to know” and if you want more information about the article or myself, just give me a call. 615.547.2399. In summary, I am a Professional Organizer. I’ll show you what I do as I go through someone’s house to organize it in a short video which I find is the best way to explain what an organizer does. http:// spacelift2010.blogspot. com/ Rule #1: Keep it Simple. Organizing can seem daunting and overwhelming especially if things have been left for a while. Keep your organizing simple and tackle the project bit by bit. A few bite size chunks every day is better than a week of madness the first sunny day of Spring!
Rule #2: Organize around your natural way of living. Unless you walk in the door and immediately go to the “command station” to open the mail, discard torn envelopes into the trash, file, clip, write checks and affix a stamp or get your laptop out to pay them online AT THAT EXACT MOMENT, you may want to rethink your “mail system.” Where do you NATURALLY open your mail? Bedroom, kitchen, living room, bonus room? Then that’s where you should put your “command station.” Rule #3: Factor in your personality. (ADD, OCD, Bipolar, Moody, lazy! etc.) If you go from “I’m taking no prisoners and losing 30lbs. in January” to “I gained 20lbs. this year” in November then you should probably accept the fact that your plan of action doesn’t work. Sometimes it’s best to leave the glass shattered than to hurt 10 • Magnolia • McKay’s Mill Community Magazine
yourself trying to put the broken pieces back together. In summary, get to know yourself and your limitations, then work “around them.” Everyone gets distracted. There is nothing wrong with accepting yourself and loving yourself as you are. Just make sure when you set your goals for getting your life in order that you don’t misinterpret your weaknesses as strengths. Sometimes people use the term “multi-tasker or over focuser” in an attempt to mask the root cause of never seeing a task to completion or getting so obsessed with one thing that they let everything else go. This is called crash-organizing. This generates feelings of guilt and shame for not understanding what went wrong along the way. It was not that you failed but that you failed to accept the person you are inside. Slow and steady in a consistent manner over time is long lasting. Hurried, frantic and exhausting is fleeting just like a crash diet. You do not need to feel bad or guilty. Guilt accomplishes nothing. It just stands in the way. Rule #4: Be Realistic! The best way to figure out what is realistic for you is to get a small notebook and a stopwatch. For two weeks every single day record what you are doing in the notebook and how long each task took you. If you wandered off the beaten track, you need to write down where you wandered to. A tiny notebook or android is best since you need to write down things you do when you are not on the computer. Also write down the things that you are not able to control such as headaches, fatigue, inability to focus or gain strength to continue after X amount of hours or minutes. You should not be inflicting emotional stress or trying to be someone you are not. Enjoy your wonderful and unique self. Just factor all this in when you plan. If you need a nap, take one. Do what comes naturally and write that down so you know what you need to function in a happy and positive way. This way your life will be organized but in a way that suits your personality. At the end of 2 weeks, see what projects you saw to completion, what you never finished, what items take up the most amount of time,
etc. NOW you are ready to plan AROUND your personality. Rule #5: Organizing is just like changing your eating habits. It’s about the way you view the food or the clutter. If you let it get away from you, the clutter weight comes back. Rule #6: What works for one personality does not work for another. Try to avoid comparing yourself with others. Rule #7: Organize in order of priority to YOU. Start with writing down things that bother you the most on a day-to-day basis. Rule #8: Keep on Track. If you need a sign that says “Don’t wander” then put one on the wall in huge letters to help you. There is no shame in growth and self-acceptance. It shows a sign of maturity. Rule #9: Make it fun family time and don’t yell at family because they didn’t remember every single new rule. Remember that if you did everything you were supposed to you wouldn’t be reading this article. Go easy on the family soldiers and always praise them for a job well done. The greatest good you can do for another is NOT sharing your riches and bragging about your accomplishments but to reveal to others their own treasures. Your marriage is more important than socks! Rule #10: The best way to get in shape is to hire a professional trainer. The same applies to organizing. The problem is that this option is not available to many people for whatever reason. Some people prefer to do things themselves. Similar to a professional trainer, I offer a personal organization training program for only $25 a month (less than one trip to the movies.) Just like a diet, you get a weekly assignment with 3 tasks: one large task (1-2 hrs.) and two small tasks (15 min. each). At the end of completion you get a reward. You also get my support and training along the way and we can trouble shoot any problem areas. This is called “organizational weight.” We will get this weight lifted and you will feel more comfortable in your “home skin” as it begins to flow in a healthy and positive environment. It should be a place you come home to that brings you joy and sense of peace and tranquility. Just like your heart runs more efficiently with good foods, your home and family runs more efficiently with good organizational habits...starting with decluttering your mindset.
This month’s goal for you is to use the timer. Let me know how you get along. A phone call is much more personable for introductions so I have only left my phone number below. ~Eva Vaughan, Professional Organizer 615.547.2399 x102
BULLETIN BOARD
Mom to Mom Support, Encouragement & Connection with other moms Mondays, 9:15 a.m. or Tuesdays, 6:30 p.m. The People’s Church 828 Murfreesboro Rd. Franklin, TN 37064 More Info: Cindy Cole, 615.465.5055, ccole@thepeopleschurch.org
Hi there! I’m Keelia (kah-lee-a) Brennan. I am 15 and I babysit! I am available Monday, Tuesday,Thursday,Fri day,Saturday, and Sunday evenings! I have references and will babysit for $8/ hr. Contact me at 615-807-1930 if interested! Thank you!
-We are looking for a babysitter for our 4 year old son. -We need someone for one night a week and an occasional weekend night. -We live in McKay’s Mill. -$10.00/hr -Must be able to provide references. Please call Tiffany at 615-500-1818 if interested in learning more.
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Celebrate Recovery Chirst-centered 12 Step Recovery Meetings Helping People find Freedom from Their Hurts, Habits, and Hang-ups Wednesdays, 6:30 p.m. The People’s Church 828 Murfreesboro Rd. Franklin, TN 37064 More Info: Cindy Cole, 615.465.5055, ccole@thepeopleschurch.org
MagnoliaPublications.com • March 2011 • 13
It Starts in the Parks!
By Deanna Scheffel, City of Franklin Parks Department
This month spring arrives and it can’t get here any sooner after this “historic” winter. At the City of Franklin Parks Department, we love spring because that means our parks come alive with people and the activities move outside again. Not only is the grass growing, the trees leafing and the birds flying, but there is an excitement of things to come. This is the Civil War Days time of year everyone seeks out the sun and looks to the parks for outdoor enjoyment and fellowship. We are now preparing our recreation programs and gearing up towards a busy spring and summer. We are thrilled to be a contributor to the Magnolia magazine and in the coming months plan to keep you informed and up to date on all the City of Franklin Parks programs and events. For this issue I am going to give you a quick primer on our park system. The City of Franklin has grown to 16 parkland areas or 704
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acres within the city limits over the past 10 years. We classify our parks as Active, Passive and Historic. The classification identifies what purpose and activities are allowed in that park. K-9 Korral Opening In your neighborhood, we have two Active Parks including Fieldstone Park and Liberty Park. These two parks and Jim Warren Park comprise the athletic or sports centered city parks. All the organized team sports are conducted on these facilities. The Passive Parks include Pinkerton, Aspen Grove, Harpeth Greenway and Dry Branch along with the Historic parks of Eastern Flank Battle Park, The Park at Harlinsdale Farm, Winstead Hill, Fort Granger, Assault on the Cotton Gin, Ropers Knob, Collins Farm and Bicentennial Park. These parks are for leisurely pursuits in quiet and natural settings and generally offer walking trails, playgrounds, picnic areas, open air pavilions, and expansive greenbelts. Organized sports and practices are not allowed in these parks. While the Historic Parks are passive and open to the public, they are primarily the protected parklands that are part of the broader federal, state and local preservation of significant historic battle sites and properties. We treat these parks with quiet respect and as hallowed ground. All of these parks will eventually have historical interpretation. The significance of each property drives the limitations we have set forth for usage. The Historic parks are Concert in the Park purposely without amenities like shelters, an abundance of picnic tables, and playgrounds. This is to preserve the essential character of the land. The City of Franklin Parks Department web page www. franklintn.gov is a great resource for you and your family to keep up to date with the programs and activities in the parks. We will be announcing the summer activities soon but to kick off the spring season please don’t miss Arbor Day/Earth Day on Saturday April 16 at Pinkerton Park from 10am -2pm. We will be giving away tree saplings in celebration of the day and also there will be food, entertainment, information and activities for everyone. Throughout the year please call our event hotline 615 550-6947 for the current month’s activities. Don’t forget that the Pavilion rentals at Aspen Grove Park and Jim Warren Park are heaviest in the spring and summer. Please plan ahead if you are making arrangements for a function at either of these parks. The application and the terms and conditions are available online and can be located by going to Parks (under the Your Government tab) and then to Documents Online. If you would like to send any of your questions or concerns to the Parks Department you can do so by emailing to parksinfo@ franklintn.gov or you can call our administration office at 615 7942103. See you in the Parks!
People Search by Mike Servais of Scottsdale
Most of the time my desk looks like a paper bomb has exploded. At least that’s what my wife says; and, she’s right most of the time. You see, I have a neatness problem. I know it’s rare among men, but it happens. When you are a genealogist and family historian you’re always picking up tidbits of information, articles, stories, text and other kinds of data, whether it’s relevant or not, and those items need to be organized, indexed, scanned, processed, input and filed at some point. It’s just that there is never enough time to get to ‘that point.’ Many times “new stuff” comes in too quickly and good intentioned processes break down. But somehow, in the long run, the piles of paper do get processed and filed. Viola! I can now see the top of my desk. It does exist. It’s funny. I bought a PC to help me keep track of the paper, and now I find myself reverting back to hand written notes to help me keep track of what I have in my PC. I started with this avocation of genealogy and family history a little over fifty years ago and have been searching for family members and related history during that period. I’ve come to specialize in French-Canadian genealogy mostly because my dad was Canadian and my wife’s mother and father were of French-Canadian descent. My wife spoke only French the first five years of her life and then switched to English at her parent’s urging and training. She wishes she still could speak French and I do too since I deal with a lot of French documents; hence I’m always looking for a good translator. I have traced back one branch of our family to the mid 500’s (AD) and found direct connections to many European Kings and Queens and other royalty. But, although we get a lot smiles out of those discoveries, it’s the closerto-home genealogy problems I love to work. For example, my great³-grandfather came to Canada as a German mercenary in 1778 to help defend Quebec because of an anticipated attack by the British. From his military records and church documents I was able to find his birth date and then his actual birth certificate in a church in Grosviller, Germany, a small village just outside of StuttPhilip Augustus, King of France. Distant Ancestor gart. My wife and I went there in 1990 and I was able to find and photograph the actual entry in the original church book. Several years later I discovered an entry further into the book (via microfiche) that documented his death a month after his birth. So my dilemma is, what was his actual birth date and where is the record? It is this mystery that I have been working on for several years. I have also found that in many hobbies such as genealogy it’s
the hunt that provides the excitement not so much the find. In 2006 I took a two week trip into northern Ontario and located a section of land that back in the 1920’s was the Servais Gold Mine. My grandfather had obtained the land and started work on it but ran out of money in the late 1930’s. So, along with a local “guide” we spent seven hours hiking this heavily wooded and rocky terrain looking for remnants Mike - Servais Gold Mine Property of his old log cabin. And through use of a GPS and my grandfather’s old map, I located several places where he had excavated but no cabin. I picked some rock samples from each of the ten experimental pits he created back in the 1930’s, and later in my trip, an old prospector and assayer gave me an indication of the type of minerals in each rock. Later in my trip I spent some time in a small town called Haileybury, again in northern Ontario. My grandfather owned a hotel there in the early 1920’s. One of Canada’s 10 bigest disasters struck Haileybury in October of 1922 burning the town along with his hotel to the ground. In trying to determine where some of my grandfather’s and father’s friends had lived just prior to the fire, I constructed a computer model of the town as it existed just before the fire. So when I visited the town, I spent several days in their museum finalizing my research. I donated the entire town reconstruction on a CD with permission for them to offer it for sale in their museum’s store with the profits going to the museum. I love to help others with genealogy problems and have done genealogical searches for several people. But, everyday I discover new, old relatives that send me on journeys that were unexpected. And, those journeys norPart of my Genealogy Library mally create new pieces of paper with notes and stuff that clutter my desk. So, for those of you in McKay’s Mill (by the way, a fellow I know from Scotland told me that the correct pronunciation of McKay is actually McKey) who need help or who would like some help getting started, look me up. I’m the guy hidden behind the stack of paper. Mikeservais2@aol.com MagnoliaPublications.com • March 2011 • 15
McKAY’
COMMUNITY CALENDAR Local Events Every Saturday & Tuesday Winter Farmer’s Market Sat: 9:00am - 12:00pm Tue: 3:00pm - 6:30pm The Factory
March 2011 Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
1
National Pig Day
Wedne
Dr. Seuss’s Born in 1
Sat 5th
Franklin Girls Cotillion 8pm-12am Liberty Hall, Heritage Room & VIP The Factory
Thu 10th - Sun 13th Country Music Cluster Dog Show 9am - 5pm AgExpo Park Sat 12th
Sat 26th
6
Oreo Cookies for Sale for the first time in 1912.
Main Street Brew Fest 6pm - 9pm Downtown Franklin Cross Country for COTA 8:30am Harlinsdale Farm Park 239 Franklin Road
13
Daylight Saving Time Begins. Clocks move forward one hour.
WCS District Calendar Thu 10th End of Third Quarter Grading Period Tue 15th
20
First Day of Spring
7
Telephone Patent Granted In 1876 to Alexander Graham Bell.
14
Albert Einstein’s Birthday Born in 1879.
21
National Teen-Agers Day
Fri 18th
Mon 21st - Fri 25th No School (Spring Break)
HOA Master Board Meeting The Clubhouse
National Goof Off Day
15
22
Ash Wedn
Freedom of Info
Toast D Nellie Melba re Melba Toas
SPRING BREAK
ACT
No School (District wide Staff Development Day)
8
27
National “Joe” Day Everyone who hates their name can be called Joe this day.
All calendar content is not verified and is subject to change without notice.
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28
Something On a Stick Day
29
Passover Begins at Sundown
Alaska Pur Purchased from 1867
’S MILL
esday
2
Birthday 1904.
9
nesday
Thursday
3
National Anthem Day The Star Spangled Banner was adopted by Congress as the national anthem in 1931.
10
First Paper Money Issued this day in 1862.
16
17
ormation Day
Youth Art Month Music in our Schools Month National Nutrition Month
Friday
National Poundcake Day
Saturday
4
Parachute was invented By Da Vinci in 1515.
11
12
First Basketball Game The first public game was on March 11, 1892.
First Walk in Space In 1965.
18
5
19
Swallow’s Return Day The traditional return of swallows to San Juan Capistrano.
St. Patrick’s Day 23
Day evealed her st recipe.
24
Harry Houdini’s Birthday Born in 1874.
25
Pancakes First Made in New York City in 1882.
26
Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
SPRING BREAK 30
rchased m Russia in 7.
Cesar Chavez Day
31
For the latest McKay’s Mill News and Information, please visit www.McKaysMillHoa.com
Local Phone Numbers
Emergency..................................911 Poison Control......................936-2034 Crisis Intervention.................269-4357 Franklin Police......................794-2513 Williamson Co. Sheriff........... 790-5550 Franklin Fire Dept.................. 791-3275 Williamson Medical Center....435-5000 Animal Control......................790-5590 Schools Trinity Elem..........................472-4861 Page Middle........................ 472-4760 Page High............................472-4730 B.G.A................................... 794-3501 Columbia State C.C...............790-4400 Williamson Co. A.L.C............790-5810 Services Middle TN. Elec (Service).......794-1102 Middle TN. Elec (Outage)877- 777-9111 Comcast.......................800-266-2278 Direct TV........................866-505-9387 Local Government Franklin City Govt..................791-3217 County Clerk.........................790-5712 Franklin Library.....................595-1250 Veteran Affairs......................790-5623 McKay’s Mill Property Management Ghertner & Company Jaye Kloss Property Manager (615) 277-0343 Janice Linder On Site Manager (615) 591-6993 M, T, Th, F ~ 10am - 3pm
Hometown Favorites for Real Estate
MagnoliaPublications.com • March 2011 • 17
A New Vital Role for the Community College by Dr. Paul Gaddis
The role of the community colleges in the American education system is currently under transformation. These colleges are becoming vital to the effective functioning of the entire system from K through 12 to the universities. The transformation now underway has been caused by several pervasive themes in American education, emerging factors which have been around for years but are now coming into sharp focus because of the current economic recession. The more important among these factors are--1. The highly publicized lack of employment opportunities for recent graduates from four-year colleges, and the graduates’ unsuccessful efforts to seek out jobs. This problem has lead to serious reflection about the real value of four-year higher education. 2. The steadily rising overhang of personal debt which graduates incur as a result of their borrowing to complete their four-year educations, leading to additional public questioning of the value of higher education. 3. An increasingly vocal segment of higher education professionals who are taking the somewhat controversial position that our culture is pressuring too many young people to seek
Columbia State Community College, Franklin
a four-year degree, whether or not this course is compatible with their aspirations or their capacities. 4. Our public universities and our private universities, while they each face a different set of problems, nevertheless are facing together a common threat. In each case, the financial models under which they have long thrived are becoming unsustainable. (See “Saving Public Universities…”, Wall St. Journal, November 23, 2010, among many other articles addressing these problems.) In their search for new financial models, these institutions are facing tough decisions about refocusing their curricular offerings, reducing the size of their faculties, reviewing how many students of which qualifications they can enroll, and adjusting the level of tuition they must set. 5. The progressively increasing competence and relevance of our nation’s community college sector, as exemplified by our own Columbia State Community College which has become a model for effectiveness among U.S. community colleges. These factors and others, taken together, are acting to bring community colleges prominently into the public view. It is not that our community colleges are competing with our four-year institutions, rather they are collaborating in responding to the significant problems facing our entire educational infrastructure. The availability of community college programs is assisting the universities in reshaping their own programs to meet the challenges in the economic environment, and thus we have a “win/win” situation. In the economic climate ahead, Williamson County’s highly competitive and aggressive business community will be substantially reinforced by the presence of a top-level community college in close proximity to their operations. In Williamson County, we should assure ourselves that our public officials are taking into account the new critical importance of the community colleges. As citizens of the County, we should be gratified that Columbia State continues to offer the highest quality learning experience, even while their campus in Franklin has become obsolete. And we should insist that Columbia State now be provided with a modern, fully functional campus for the vital purpose of higher education in our County---a campus which will materially assist Columbia State in meeting the increasing demands which will challenge our community colleges nationally.
18 • Magnolia • McKay’s Mill Community Magazine
www.mercytn.org ~ (615) 790-0567
McKAY’S FINANCIAL
The Life Insurance Balancing Act: How Much and What Type? by Jason Smith of Alexandria
Calculating the right amount of life insurance takes a lot of research, and can be quite a balancing act. You want to make sure that you have enough life insurance to adequately protect your family if something happens to you. On the other hand, if you buy too much life insurance, you’ll feel financially strained-which means you’ll be more likely to cancel your policy in a crunch. The goal is to have enough life insurance to safeguard your family without breaking your budget. If you’re trying to figure out how much life insurance you need, here are a few things to keep in mind: Find the right policy There are two basic types of insurance policies: term insurance and cash-value insurance. Term life insurance covers you for a specified amount of time, anywhere from one to 30 years. These policies are less expensive because they are designed solely for protection. Many people choose term insurance because they figure their need for life insurance will decrease as they get older. Term insurance is also good option for those who want to protect their children until a certain age. Cash-value life insurance covers you for your entire life and includes whole life, universal life and variable life policies. These policies act as both an insurance plan and a savings tool, which makes them more expensive. Because the insurance company actually invests some of your premium, this type of policy increases in value over time. You can borrow money from the policy, although outstanding loans will be subtracted from the ultimate death benefit. In most cases, both the premiums and death benefit remain the same throughout the life of cash-value policies. Figuring the right amount There are a few different ways to calculate the amount of life
insurance you need to adequately protect your family. Some experts say that you should simply multiply your annual income by three times while others say you need at least eight times your annual salary. However, many professionals say this “income multiplication” method is not accurate enough. Because each family faces a unique set of circumstances and needs, you may want to consider some factors other than annual income. Figuring out the right amount life insurance requires a comprehensive evaluation of your financial goals, debts, investments, lifestyle and habits. Expenses to consider As you try to determine how much life insurance you need, you should think about the expenses your family would face if something happened to you. Start by making a list of shortterm expenses, such as medical and hospital expenses, funeral arrangements, attorney fees and outstanding debts, taxes and loans. Then add that amount to all the long-term expenses your family would face, such as your home mortgage, college tuition for your children and living expenses. You should also factor in other sources of income, such as your spouse’s salary, Social Security survivor’s benefits and investments. And don’t forget to consider the cost of inflation. Once you take all of these expenses and sources of income into account, you’ll probably arrive at a much more realistic amount than simply “four times your income.” What can you afford? Although you may know how much life insurance you’d like to offer your family, you have to be realistic about how much you can actually afford. The primary objective of life insurance is to protect your family. Therefore, you should choose a policy that you can comfortably fit into your budget so you won’t be tempted to cancel it. Figuring out how much and what type of life insurance you need is a complex process that involves a lot of research and thought. Give me a call today to schedule a professional insurance review to determine how much insurance you need and what you can realistically afford. Remember to call me for all of your Life Insurance needs! Contact Jason Smith today for a professional insurance review to determine your own needs for an umbrella. Jason and his wife Emily have two children and live in McKay’s Mill. He has been an insurance professional for over 10 years.
Jason Smith Insurance Agency 1001 Westhaven Blvd. Suite 125 Franklin, TN 37064 Phone: 224-9880 Fax: 467‐8576 These brief descriptions of coverages available are for illustration purposes only, and are not intended as a statement of contract. For actual terms and conditions of coverage provided, refer to your insurance policy, or for more information about coverage options and availability, talk to your American National agent. American National Property And Casualty Company reserves the right to discontinue programs at any time. Products and services may not be available in all states, and eligibility requirements will apply. Personal lines products and services are made available through American National Multiple Line Exclusive Agents and may be underwritten in American National Property And Casualty Company (ANPAC®), Springfield, Missouri or its subsidiary American National General Insurance Company.
20 • Magnolia • McKay’s Mill Community Magazine
Asset Allocation: A Key To Portfolio Success by Joseph Lillagore of Hudson
For many investors, investing typically begins with one stock or mutual fund. Over time, other selections are added because many people understand it may not be prudent to invest everything in a single security, even if it has a “blue chip” reputation. However, just “spreading money around” in a haphazard way may create only an illusion of diversification. If you have assembled a “hodgepodge” portfolio, you may not know the extent to which your investments are (or are not) consistent with your objectives. How do you go about setting up a framework which tailors your investments to your particular circumstances? A sound portfolio management strategy begins with asset allocation – that is, dividing your investments among the major asset categories of equities, bonds and cash. Since each type of investment category has unique characteristics, they rarely rise or fall at the same time. Then, you can make finer distinctions within each asset category (i.e., diversification). Combining different asset classes could help reduce risk, although it doesn’t eliminate market risk altogether. Still two nagging questions remain: What factors guide the asset allocation process? How much of a portfolio should go into each category. To answer the first question, the main objective of asset allocation is to match the investment characteristics of the various investment categories to the most important aspects of your personal investment profile – that is, your tolerance for risk, your return and liquidity needs, and your time horizon. Investing according to your risk tolerance will help keep you from abandoning your investment program during times of market turbulence. One way to measure your risk comfort zone is to ask yourself how much of a loss in a one-year period you could withstand and still stay the course. Finding an appropriate match for you means balancing your tolerance for risk against the different volatility levels of various asset classes. For example, if you have a low tolerance for risk, that fact may dictate a portfolio that emphasizes conservative investments while sacrificing the potentially higher returns that usually involve a greater degree of risk. Return need refers to the income and/or growth you expect a portfolio to generate in order to meet your objectives. For example, retirees may prefer a portfolio that emphasizes current income, while younger investors may wish to concentrate on potential growth. Your personal time horizon extends from when you implement an investment strategy until you need to begin withdrawing money from a portfolio. For example, a very short time horizon (less than 5 years) is probably best served by a conservative portfolio emphasizing safety of principal. On the other hand, the more time you have to invest, the greater risk you may be able to withstand because you have time to recover from market downturns. The short answer to how much of a portfolio should go into each category is that asset allocation is more a personal process than a strategy based on a set formula. There are guidelines to help establish the general framework of a well-diversified portfolio. For example, you may decide on the need for growth in order to offset
the erosion of purchasing power caused by inflation. However, building an investment portfolio that is right for you involves matching the risk-return tradeoffs of various asset classes to your unique investment profile. One final point that is worthy of emphasis – when you put together your own asset allocation strategy, you should combine all your assets (i.e., your investments and retirement savings). That way you can ensure that all your assets are working together to help meet your goals and objectives. Keep in mind, investment return and principal value will fluctuate with changes in market conditions so that shares may be more or less than original cost. Diversification cannot eliminate the risk of investment losses. This column appears courtesy of Joseph R. Lillagore. Joseph is a Financial Adviser and Investment Adviser Representative offering fee-based financial planning services through MetLife Securities, Inc.,(MSI) a registered investment adviser, New York, NY 10166. He focuses on meeting the financial needs of individuals and business owners in the greater Middle Tennessee area. You can reach Joseph at the office at 830 Crescent Center Drive, Suite 450, Franklin, TN 37067, by calling 615-435-4131, or by visiting www. lillagoremcintyre.com.. Insurance and annuities issued by Metropolitan Life Insurance Company (MLIC), New York, NY 10166 . Securities, including variable products offered through MetLife Securities, Inc. (MSI)(member FINRA/SIPC), New York, NY 10166. MLIC and MSI are MetLife companies. This article is provided for general information only. It is not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual. You should consult with your financial representative, attorney or accountant with regard to your individual situation.
discover summer at
ACADEMICS • ARTS • ATHLETICS for ages 5 and up. www.battlegroundacademy.org
MagnoliaPublications.com • March 2011 • 21
IN THE THEATER
Bravo Creative Arts Center presents
a contemporary musical retelling of the classic story, “The Ugly Duckling”
Music by George Stiles
•
Book and Lyrics by Anthony Drewe
Evening performances Friday, March 25th & Saturday, March 26th at 7:00 pm Matinee performances Saturday, March 26th & Sunday, March 27th at 2:00 pm Performed at The Father Ryan Center For The Arts, 700 Norwood Drive, Nashville 37204 $8 General Admission / $10 Reserved tickets are non-refundable
For ticket information call 615-599-5314 www.bravocreativeartscenter.com Huge thank you to our sponsor Bravo Creative Arts Center is a 501(c)3 organization supporting youth in the arts
HONK! JR is presented through special arrangement with Music Theatre International (MTI). All orized performance materials are also supplied by MTI. 421 West 54th Street, New York, NY 10019 Phone: (212)541-4684 Fax: (212)397-4684 www.MTIShows.com <http://www.MTIShows.com>
HONK! Jr. (March 25 - 27) The youth of Bravo Creative Arts Center present a new musical based on one of the world’s favorite tales - The Ugly Duckling. Honk! tells the story of Ugly, who is born as a Duckling, but soon realizes he is no ordinary duck. Mocked on the farmyard, pursued by the ravenous Cat, Ugly finds himself lost and embarks on a journey through the countryside meeting a gaggle of colorful characters and finding himself, and love, along the way. This award-winning musical from London, filled with witty lyrics and a tuneful score, will be enjoyed by the entire family. Performances at The Father Ryan Center For the Arts, 700 Norwood Drive, Nashville. Evening performances are March 25 & 26 at 7pm. Matinee performances are March 26 & 27 at 2pm. Tickets are $8 general admission / $10 advanced, reserved. Information www.bravocreativeartscenter.com (615)599-5314. 22 • Magnolia • McKay’s Mill Community Magazine
Before heading to Broadway next year, the beloved musical “Annie” hits the stage at Bethlehem United Methodist Church, March 4-13, with an incredible community theatre cast of adult singers/ actors, a talented ensemble of orphans and the unique opportunity to adopt a special dog each evening according to BUMC Music and Arts Director Harry Robinson. “With professional Director Dietz Osborne and amazing musicians, ‘Annie’ will be musical theatre magic for the whole family with songs like ‘Tomorrow’ and ‘NYC.’ Our talented cast, including Cate Tucker and Mackenzie Roberts alternating the role of Annie, are joined on stage by theatre veterans Johnny Peppers and Jenny Norris-Light seen regularly at Chaffin’s Barn Dinner Theatre,” Robinson said. “An exciting element of our production is our partnership with Happy Tales Humane featuring a special dog at each performance available for adoption.” In addition to the cast dog, Sandy, a Happy Tales dog will appear on stage in various crowd scenes and will be available for adoption. Interested audience members can visit with the dog during intermission and immediately following the show for possible adoption. For more information, check out the Bethlehem Players videos at www.youtube.com/bethlehemplayers. In addition to regular shows and three dinner shows, the production has four lunch matinees that will give guests the opportunity to have a picture made with Annie and The Gang. “Annie” is presented by the Bethlehem Players community theatre at Bethlehem United Methodist Church, 2419 Bethlehem Loop Road, Franklin, TN (37069) during selected times March 4-13. Tickets for show-only are $15 for adults and $10 for high school students. Dinner show tickets are $22 for adults and $18 for students. A 10% discount is available for groups 10 or more. For more information, please call 615-7916456, ext. 2 or visit www.ticketsnashville.com.
McKAY’S BUSINESS PAGE
The advertisements on this page are McKay’s Mill resident owned businesses. If you are a resident of McKay’s Mill and wish to advertise your business here, please contact us at: MMBiz@MagnoliaPublications.com
Support Your Neighbors!
MagnoliaPublications.com • March 2011 • 23
FAB FRIDGE ART
Grace Age 7
Dylan Age 5
If you would like to feature your little artists latest works on our Fab Fridge, we would love to display them. Please scan them as a PDF and send them to: MM@MagnoliaPublications.com. Please include your child’s first name and age.
24 • Magnolia • McKay’s Mill Community Magazine
Reading by Kristi Carré
“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” ~Dr. Seuss
Reading is such a big part of my life. It’s one of the reasons I became a teacher. Reading triggers your imagination and takes you wherever you want to go. I can go to the majestic green hills of Ireland, or to the vast deserts of Egypt. I can go to the time of King Henry VIII, or into the future with houses on Mars. Reading is the most exciting thing you can do! Reading is the foundation of all learning. In order to learn, you must be able to not only read, but understand what you are reading. The best
TEACHER’S CORNER way to improve your reading? READ! The more you read, the better you will become. Read magazines, newspapers, comic books, chapter books, picture books, road signs, etc. Reading more is the only way to be a better reader. So, Read! FOR SALE I am selling beautiful hardcover books. Some are brand new, others are very gently used. I have a list I can e-mail to you if you are interested. The cost is $10 for 1 book, $18 for 2, and $15 for 3. I can deliver them to your home to save on shipping. Please e-mail me to receive the list of books. Kristi Carré at kristicarre@hotmail.com
MagnoliaPublications.com • March 2011 • 25
Saint Patrick’s Day
E
veryone is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day! But how did this celebration of green come about? The origin of St. Patrick’s Day was established as a religious feast day in honor of the death of St. Patrick, Ireland’s patron saint. Traditionally St. Patrick’s Day, observed on March 17th, is celebrated in Ireland and in many Irish communities throughout the world. The St. Patrick’s Day celebration traditionally includes an Irish mass in the morning and a celebration of traditional Irish food and dance throughout the day. Saint Patrick’s Day has come to be associated with everything Irish. To those who celebrate its intended meaning, St. Patrick’s Day is a traditional day for spiritual renewal and offering prayers for missionaries worldwide. Most Irish citizens attend mass followed by an evening of traditional Irish food and drink. St. Patrick was the patron saint and national apostle of Ireland who is credited with bringing Christianity to Ireland. St. Patrick is believed to have been born in the late fourth century. He is most known for driving the snakes out of Ireland; although that is probably more symbolic of him putting an end to pagan practices involving snakes. St. Patrick did however superimpose a sun, a powerful Irish symbol, onto the Christian cross to create what is known today as the Celtic cross. There are many Irish traditions people follow to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day and other Irish occasions, although not all of them
are historically accurate. Some of the Irish customs people are more familiar with include wearing green, eating Irish food and drinking beer. Actually wearing green is strictly a U.S. custom, as the color green is considered unlucky in Ireland. Green is connected to the old green flag and a time when Ireland was not free. Americans have embraced their own St. Patrick’s Day tradition of drinking large amounts of Irish beer or green beer, which has no real historical Irish references at all. Another new St. Patrick’s Day tradition started by school children is pinching classmates who don’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day. This tradition has grown with the times, and even if you aren’t a school child, beware on St. Patrick’s Day if you aren’t wearing green! As a St. Patrick’s Day symbol, the leprechaun is a smiling, merry little elf. However, legend tells us that leprechauns are always grumpy, untrustworthy and very tricky. Leprechauns are believed to be little old men who make shoes for fairies and are usually about two feet tall. The legend says that if you catch a leprechaun, you can force them to tell you where they hid their pot of gold. According to Irish legend, St. Patrick chose a three leaved clover or shamrock as a symbol of the church’s Holy Trinity because of its three leaflets bound by a common stalk. He used the tri-leaved plant to help illustrate the idea of the holy trinity Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. A shamrock is not a four leaf clover, contrary to popular belief. When a four leaf clover is found it is said to represent God’s grace. The good luck attached with the four leaf clover predates Christianity in Ireland back to the ancient Druid priests. Corned beef and cabbage is the traditional meal enjoyed by many on St. Patrick’s Day, but only half of it is truly Irish. Cabbage has long been a staple of the Irish diet, but it was traditionally served with Irish bacon, not corned beef. The corned beef was substituted for bacon by Irish immigrants to the Americas around the turn of the century who could not afford the real thing. Have a very safe and happy Saint Partick’s Day!
26 • Magnolia • McKay’s Mill Community Magazine
Change Your Conversation by Malinda Dowsett
E
veryone has a story and how you tell it matters. Deliberately changing your conversations – the way you talk about your life – changes the vibration you hold yourself to and every experience you attract into your life. In real terms what that means is, what you talk about you think about and what you think about you bring about, every single time. So many times we harp on the negative things in our lives. You know what we’re talking about. You hear these stories all the time: my childhood was awful, I grew up in an abusive home, I was picked on in school, I’m going through a nasty divorce, I am always left out, I am financially struggling, I don’t make enough money, I hate my job, my boss never compliments me, my co-workers don’t like me, I hate my commute, my kids are out of control … the list goes on and on and on. What we don’t realize is that holding onto such thoughts only attracts more of the same into our lives. Let me explain.... We are physical and non-physical at the same time, and that non-physical side of us has been called many things throughout the ages: spirit, soul, innerguide, conscience and consciousness. Our non-physical side is pure positive energy. It is the greater part of us – the non-physical source of “all that is” in the universe. Our thoughts channel that energy into the physical world. So when you focus on a thought, that thought holds “you,” the non-physical side of you, to a vibration, an energy vibration, and just like a magnet you attract similar vibrations into your experience. When we start listening to the conversations we have with others (and ourselves), they very quickly tell us exactly what vibration we are holding ourselves to. You see it happening all around you all the time. A next door neighbor down on his luck and all he ever talks about is how awful life is. A mother-in-law who criticizes everyone even as she complains that no one ever visits her. A child who doesn’t like school and wonders why he is always picked last for a team. Each of these people unconsciously holds themselves to a very low, negative vibration because of the nature of the thoughts they allow themselves to dwell on. Each of their stories feel victimized, powerless, helpless and out of control. When we hold ourselves to a negative vibration -- and like-attracts-like -- this is what we receive in return . . . more of exactly what we do not want. On the flip side, if we shift our perspective from one of anger, frustration, helplessness, and despair to one of gratitude, forgiveness and compassion,we immediately feel our mood shift. We immediately feel better. We immediately feel a sense of relief. We are always one thought away from changing the vibration we are holding ourselves to and changing what we attract into our life. A young mother called to talk with me this morning about her 15 year old son. “I cannot handle him,” she said. “I cannot deal with his disrespectful attitude, anger, and manipulation anymore. What am I supposed to do?” She described how that morning she hurriedly asked him to go out to the car to warm it up and clean the snow off so they could get him to school on time. He resisted, verbally sullen. “He was mouthing off,” she said. “He got up but gave me attitude the entire time. So I let him have it. Do NOT speak to me like that and go out and clean the car! What a rotten way to start the day,” she said resentfully. I said, “Let’s stop right there. If you look past the attitude, can you see that he was doing exactly what you asked? Yes, he was moving slowly but he was doing it. Focus on what you want. Move past the attitude because the attitude is what you do not want. Validate his authentic response which was completely aligned with your request. Say, thank you. I really appreciate it. Now we’ll get you to school on time, that’s great, thank you, and turn around and walk away. Totally ignore the behavior you do not want because the more that you give what you do not want your attention the more you say, “Come to me this thing I do not want.” Negative emotion, whether you are verbalizing it or not, triggers the Law of Attraction. Whatever you are thinking about becomes your reality. If you want to move beyond “that which does not feel good” and want him to change, you have
to change what you are thinking first. Once he has done what he’s been asked to do, reward him. Reward the behavior that feels good to you. Say something like: “Hey bud, thank you so much. I greatly appreciate that.” Expressing gratitude to him will make him feel good, he did a good thing. He may not acknowledge it, but he heard it. If you start expressing gratitude even on the smallest of levels it will become easier to recognize more and more behaviors that make you feel good, make him feel good,and so the process begins. “But he gave me lip,” she protested, wanting to be right. I brought her right back to what she wanted. “Your need to be right is causing you to focus on the negative, and thus the entire experience becomes an unhappy exchange,” I pointed out. “ Focus on the positive because it is there. Whether he did what you asked with attitude or not, he did it. If you want the WAY he responds to you to change, then you have to change. You must be the change you wish to see in your son. Because if you are not grateful and loving and thoughtful always – all ways – how can you expect him to be?” “Are you telling me it is okay for him to give me a hard time when I’m trying to get HIM to school?” she asked incredulously. You can’t fault him for who he is. He is a teenager with raging hormones, peer pressure, and very poor examples of behavior in every form of media he is exposed to.Your son has good in him somewhere. Beneath all that he expresses, the anger, the attitude, the mouthing off, all of that stuff...step back for two seconds and see him for who he is. That boy is in pain. It comes down to nothing more than being in pain and being taught by late night TV shows and truly unloved kids that this is the way you talk to people, this is who I am supposed to be at fifteen and this is the only way I know how to operate. When you see him from his vantage point, now you know that he just lacks good information -- better information. In every exchange with your son, you are being given the opportunity to give him better information. This is rich ground to teach him to interact with you in the way you choose. If you stick to your guns and hold the vibration that you really want with your son, he will have to come up to your vibration and operate on your level. That’s the way it works. You can teach him by example that life is a process of continually moving past undesirable attitudes and never giving them a second thought. Never give into what you do not want. Keep moving past what you do not want. A week later, two weeks later he will begin interacting differently with you because it feels good, and he won’t even know it. If you can express to him on even the smallest of levels, any sort of gratitude...thank you for taking out the trash … even though he huffs and puffs his way through it . . . simply saying, thank you, thank you, thank you shows him and you great compassion and love. He will be dumbfounded if you sincerely express gratitude for him. This does not mean that you roll over in the face of bad behavior. This means that you always look for authentic ways to validate his worth – to himself and to you. Little by little, as your conversations change, he will change. You have to figure out why you’re so angry with him, find compassion for him, and let it go. He is a child, despite his age, and he is starving for good information. He’s starving for someone to tell him how to do better and what is really going on. When it comes down to it, bad behavior never has anything to do with the other person. It has everything to do with you. You can only control YOU. The reason he makes you so angry is because you expect him to react the way you would or the way you want him to and every time he doesn’t, it makes you angry. So the next time a habitual behavior pattern arises, step back and allow yourself to see his pain. Step back for two seconds and see it for what it is. Then ask yourself: if I know I don’t want this, then what do I want? It may be something as simple as you want your son to do his chores peacefully and respectfully, or that you want to be able to have open communication with him. I want to enjoy my time with him. I want to have a healthy relationship with him. So now as you interact with him, instead of anticipating the behavior that you don’t want, anticipate the behavior that you do want. The behavior that feels good to you. When you change your conversation, you change your vibration. This is how you change your life. For more information, go to www.changeyourconversation. com.
MagnoliaPublications.com • March 2011 • 27
Happy Birth Josh
y 18th hday hey
Love, Ma & Pa