A zine by Nicola Joy
Introduction
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been navigating a messy mind that’s full of thoughts, and riding waves of emotions that accompany them. I’m a shocking surfer in real life, but thoughts and feelings? It’s like…you know when Mick Fanning got a surprise attack by a shark in the middle of that surf competition? Some of my thoughts and feelings have been a little like that. Not causing physical risk to me or anyone else thankfully, but the same fight or flight response and perception of danger.
While I have a diagnosis of OCD and have lived experience of disordered eating, misophonia, and other neurodivergent traits (with no formal diagnosis), I think explaining it as “living with a messy mind and a lot of feelings” encapsulates my day-to-day experience better. The story in society is that OCD = being annoyed by mess, and tidying up. With that FANTASTIC level of nuance (note the sarcasm please dear reader), how can I expect people to know what it means to have a combination of symptoms and traits? These can present so differently from individual-to-individual anyway.
Grumpy Cat says: OCD is not an adjective. It’s a term from the medical model that describes people’s painful experience of frequent, disturbing thoughts, intense anxiety about what these thoughts mean, and elaborate rituals to stop the thoughts “coming true”. It does not mean being tidy!
So my goal in writing this zine is to do the following:
Give you a glimpse into what this is like for me - what it means to have a messy mind and a lot of feelings
Make you smile- one of the benefits of my brain is that it finds amusement and joy in small, silly things
Give you some useful ideas and resources if you find your experiences reflected on these pages
Let you know you ’ re not alone
Acknowledgement of Country
I’m working and living on Yuggerah country, and I pay my respects to elders past and present.
Sovereignty was never ceded.
I think we should give the land back to the traditional custodians.
Content Note
In this zine I discuss themes of mental illnesses, intrusive thoughts, eating disorders and suicidality, as well as referencing interpersonal and family violence, poverty, homelessness and drugs and alcohol. Please take care of yourself when you read.
Ocean
I am not my thoughts. I am not my feelings. I am the ocean.
The ocean is undisturbed Even when the storm roils above.
The ocean is deep, Teeming with life, Possibility hidden in even the most unexpected places.
The waves shatter against rocks, Wreck the ships, Flood the land And wreak destructionBut the ocean is not the wave.
The wave will pass. The ocean remains.
I am not my thoughts. I am not my feelings. They cannot break me. I am the ocean.
Much of my life has been dominated by the sheer activity in my brain. Sometimes it feels very loud in here, with thoughts flying everywhere. They move quickly, can be hard to pin down, and pull together connections that sometimes make sense and sometimes do not. However, there are other times when thoughts become “stuck”something I cannot get to move on, no matter what. Many times these thoughts have been disturbing. Some have been phrases and some have been images. Often they are related to themes about me being dangerous or doing something hurtful to others, even though that’s not something I (generally ��) actually desire. Sometimes they are related to other people being dangerous or hurtful, even though (the majority of the time) they are not. Thoughts might not always be disturbing for me but EXTREMELY REPETITIVE. At the time of this writing, I’ve had the same phrase that plays on repeat in my head and it has been doing this every day for about a year. Maybe it’s an intrusive thought, maybe it’s a form of internal echolalia, maybe it’s the point where these converge. Fun! This is difficult in its own way because it is tiring, but for me it is not quite the same intensity as a full-scale technicolour intrusive image of a violent act.
This essay is a reflection on the difference between intrusive thoughts and obsessions, compulsions and how they can reinforce these thinking styles, and ways we can approach these to reduce symptoms and live a life where we no longer fear ourselves or our own minds. I will reflect on my own personal experience and discuss the lived experience of others found in the literature.
While intrusive thoughts are common amongst all people, they can affect people with a variety of mental illnesses in a significant way. Intrusive thoughts are commonly experienced by people with PTSD, psychosis, OCD, anxiety, depression, insomnia, body dysmorphic disorder, hypochondriasis and eating disorders (Clark, 2004; Pascual-Vera & Belloch, 2018). Intrusive thoughts were described by Rachman (1981, as cited in Clark, 2004) as: “...repetitive thoughts, images or impulses that are unacceptable and/or unwanted” and “ are accompanied by subjective discomfort”.
When a person ’ s intrusive thoughts are further fueled by anxiety about the content of the thought and what the thought might mean about them as a person, this can push it into the territory of obsession and lead to a fear of one ’ s own self or self-ambivalence. In addition, intrusive thoughts can be escalated by a belief that a thought is the same or just as bad as an action, combined with low selfesteem and a heightened sense of threat and responsibility, leading to perfectionism (Wright and Riskind, 2021). Fear of the self is also present in the development of eating disorders (Wilson, 2020).
I see similarities between myself and other people with mental illnesses. Someone with lived experience of schizophrenia once wrote: “ one of the scariest parts of psychosis was the belief that I would do and say things I didn’t want to. I had strong impulses to commit crimes and hurt people around me even though I didn’t, and I eventually began to believe that controlling my thoughts and emotions was a way to prevent myself from doing anything wrong” (“Emotion-Action-Fusion, Intrusive Thoughts, and Psychosis,” 2021, p.3). Similarly, my own intrusive thoughts included images of being violent towards loved ones, questions of “what if” I were to commit a horrible act, and an urge to resolve this question and eliminate any “risk” through suppressing my thoughts, praying, arguing with my thoughts, changing a negative thought into a positive, and spending a lengthy amount of time ruminating or working through these compulsions. Fear of the self was also present in my disordered eating when I began to exercise compulsively and obsessively count calories all day every day in my 20s. I was afraid to be fat, because that was seen as something bad. Even when i wasn’t fat, I was frightened of being fat. My other obsessions made me afraid that an evil self was lurking deep within and if I didn’t work hard to stop it, there was imminent danger that it would come out and harm those I loved and myself.
It is a very sad thing to be afraid of yourself
To believe that your own shadow is a demon
Waiting to control and possess you
Waiting to force you to act against your will
Then turn around and blame you
While there are differences between managing delusions which come with psychosis and managing intrusive thoughts, the author of the article above stated about overcoming their intrusive thoughts: “After a while, I came to realize that I didn’t need to have the “correct” thought–emotion combinations and that the key was to allow thoughts and emotions to just pass by in any combinations no matter what they were or weren’t” and “Writing down that my thoughts and emotions weren’t going to control what I did and didn’t do helped me to think more clearly and regain my sanity”(“Emotion-Action-Fusion, Intrusive Thoughts, and Psychosis,” 2021, 3). I can relate so strongly to this sentiment, the relief of knowing that intrusive thoughts and emotions don’t suddenly possess me and make me do what I don’t want to do. This would have provided me so much relief as a young person had I known this - so let me say it very clearly, your thoughts and feelings do not take away your control of your actions. They might, for example, influence us to be snappy or short with someone if we are irritated, but they will not possess us and take us away from our selves to commit an act that we find disturbing.
Until we know this, people with OCD often try to control their obsessions with compulsions, defined as “repetitive behaviours or mental acts that an individual feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or according to rules that must be applied rigidly” (American Psychiatric Association, 2024). The DSM-V, which I have some feelings about, says that for it to qualify as a disorder, the obsession and compulsions have to take up one hour or more per day (American Psychiatric Association, 2024). The Nicola zine says if it bothers you and gets in the way of living your life according to your values, then it warrants attention and care. Being afraid of yourself is not a nice way to live and it’s not necessary, even if it takes up less than an hour per day.
A note about compulsive disorders: OCD is not classed as an anxiety disorder, but belongs in its own category with other compulsion-related disorders such as hoarding, trichtillomania, dermatillomania (hair pulling and skin picking) and body dysmorphic disorder. While it can cause an incredible amount of anxiety, it is not classed as an anxiety disorder because anxiety is considered an effect of this disorder rather than a cause of it. (Pretty bloody awful effect if you ask me). Compulsions commonly include cleaning, counting, rumination, praying, thought suppression and experiential avoidance (avoiding thoughts/feelings/situations that cause discomfort or distress) (American Psychiatric Association, 2024; Clark, 2004; Jacoby et al., 2018). Among first-degree relatives of individuals with onset of OCD in childhood or adolescence, the rate is increased 10-fold (Pauls 2010 in American Psychiatric Association, 2024) - so if you had a parent whose OCD became apparent in childhood or adolescence, you may want to discuss any compulsive-like symptoms with an informed psychologist or social worker.
Because anxiety is not the cause of OCD or other compulsive disorders but a side-effect, trying to make the anxiety “go away ” is not effective treatment - even though most of us are seeking treatment because we desperately want to feel better. Walking around all day feeling sick to your stomach with anxiety and losing weight because you ’ re unable to eat or sleep properly is absolutely cause for concern and warrants attention in itself - but improving this is not the end goal of treatment. The key to treatment is something really fucking hard and it takes a lot of courage. But you learn a lot of courage because a) you have to in order to get your mind back and b) it’s really fucking worth it. The key is teaching your brain that it is safe not to do compulsions. The way to do this is by feeling anxiety, but not doing any compulsions to make it “better” - which will make you more anxious at first.
This is the principle of Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), the gold standard for reducing compulsions and managing obsessions. Usually with the help of a psychologist or therapist, a person experiencing anxiety and compulsions will structure an exposure hierarchy or ladder, with the easiest thing to conquer at the bottom, and the hardest at the top. For example, if the obsession is a fear of germs in the bathroom and the compulsion is to avoid all public bathrooms, then the first step on the ladder might be to think about a public bathroom. This is directly tackling the compulsion of experiential avoidance by invoking thoughts that produce some level of anxiety. However, it is also important to experience success in riding the wave of anxiety that comes with this exposureso we don’t start off too difficult. Jacquart et al. (2022) ask their patients to be BRAVE:
Bring on the anxiety
Respond differently (e.g. don’t avoid/leave - act as if you didn’t have the anxiety)
A lot of times in a Variety of situations
Evaluate what you learned (was the situation dangerous? Did the predictions of your obsessions/intrusive thoughts come true? If not, what does that mean about them?)
Sometimes doing exposures can be kind of daring or even fun. At the annual International OCD Foundation conference, a group of people do exposure outings (Dotson, 2016) or attend exposure booths (IOCDF, 2024) and confront a variety of fears through exposures in a fun way. I’ve seen people with emetophobia (fear of vomiting) use Snapchat filters with rainbow vomit as a way of creating an exposure for themselves. Some of us with a fear of harming people watch TV shows like Dexter and discuss “spatter patterns” (me, but also: Hershfield, 2013 - also his blog post is an exposure in and of itself).
An addition to ERP is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (commonly pronounced “act” and abbreviated as ACT). This therapy teaches the skills of separating the self from the thoughts you are experiencing (known as defusion and self-as-context), being in the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or ruminating (mindfulness) and has a focus on taking committed action based on values. Self-compassion is also part of ACT(Harris, 2020) and can be helpful for managing the guilt and shame that can come with experiencing egodystonic (read: out of alignment with who you truly are) thoughts and obsessions. We’ll borrow pieces of these to try out later in the zine.
“The thing about living with OCD is, you are still able to achieve whatever it is you want in life, so long as you are willing to accept that OCD will want a piece of it.” Jon Hershfield (2013)
https://www.sheppardpratt.org/news-views/story/harm-ocd-part-3-son-of-harm-ocd/
TL;DR: While everyone experiences disturbing or intrusive thoughts to some degree, people with various mental illnesses can experience a heightened version. These thoughts can escalate to an obsession when they are fueled by anxiety about what a thought might mean about the person having it, and if they can be certain of who they are. This doubt or fear of the self can then lead to attempts to answer these questions through compulsive behaviours (checking, washing, cleaning, thinking “the right thing”, avoidance) which reinforce the obsessions. “Sometimes the only way out is through” sing Fall Out Boy in their song “Bob Dylan”, and this is true for recovery from obsessions and compulsions. Exposure, mindfulness, acceptance and commitment therapy and self-compassion are tried-and-tested tools in dealing with fear of the self and, with a healthy dose of humour, can make a huge difference in coming back to a life driven by values and meaning despite anxiety.
References
American Psychiatric Association (2024). Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders. In Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.)
https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787.x06 Obsessive C ompulsive and Related Disorders
Clark, D. A. (Ed.). (2004). Intrusive thoughts in clinical disorders : Theory, research, and treatment. Guilford Publications.
Dotson, A. (2016). Facing OCD Head-On: Jonathan Grayson. Alison Dotson: Author, OCD Advocate, Editor. Retrieved 11 December 2024.
Emotion-Action-Fusion, Intrusive Thoughts, and Psychosis. (2021). Schizophrenia Bulletin, 47(1), 3–3.
https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbz084
Harris, Russ. (2020). The Reality Slap: How to survive and thrive when life hits hard. Exisle Publishing.
Hershfield, J. (2013). Harm OCD 2: The Revenge. Sheppard Pratt. Retrieved 11 December 2024.
IOCDF. (2024). Exposurepalooza. Exposurepalooza: International OCD Foundation. Retrieved 11 December 2024.
Jacoby, R. J., Abramowitz, J. S., Buchholz, J., Reuman, L., & Blakey, S. M. (2018). Experiential avoidance in the context of obsessions: Development and validation of the Acceptance and Action Questionnaire for Obsessions and Compulsions. Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders, 19, 34–43. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jocrd.2018.07.003
References continued
Jacquart, J., Abramowitz, J., Arch, J., Margraf, J., Smits, J. A. J., Abramowitz, J., Margraf, J., Arch, J., Smits, J. A. J., & Jacquart, J. (2022). The Basics of Exposure Therapy. In Clinical Guide to Exposure Therapy (pp. 1–31). Springer International Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-04927-9_1
Pascual-Vera, B., & Belloch, A. (2018). Functional links of obsessive, dysmorphic, hypochondriac, and eating-disorders related mental intrusions. International Journal of Clinical and Health Psychology, 18(1), 43-51. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijchp.2017.09.001
Wilson, S. (2020). Fear of self in eating disorders. Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders, 27(100562). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jocrd.2020.100562
Woolley, M. G., Capel, L. K., Bowers, E. M., Petersen, J. M., Munoz, K., & Twohig, M. P. (2024). Clinical characteristics of a treatment seeking sample of adults with misophonia: Onset, course, triggers, context, and comorbidity. Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders, 43(100915), 110. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jocrd.2024.100915
Wright, E. C., & Riskind, J. H. (2021). A cognitive dissonance perspective on threats to self-concept in obsessive-compulsive disorder. Journal of Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders, 28, 100619-. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jocrd.2020.100619
The obsession takes over and it’s all you can see
Dealing with intrusive thoughts and obsessions according to ACT
(acceptance
and
commitment therapy):
(these are summarised from The Reality Slap by Russ Harris, 2020, p.216 - 219)
Imagine leaves floating gently down a stream, passing by. If you can imagine a leaf floating by, imagine placing an intrusive thought onto it and watching it float down the stream. These thoughts are just passing by, they don’t stay. If they come back, they can go on another leaf and pass by again. You can also imagine clouds floating by in the sky or cars driving by the house.
Type the thought into a document on a screen using a standard font and black colour. Then try playing with colours, fonts and sizes, and notice the effect this has. (Red may make the thought feel more “real” or more urgent. Apparently pale pink is more likely to give you distance from the thought). Change the text back to black and play with spacing. Space the words out. S p a c e t h e l e t t e r s o u t l i k e t h i s and then return the thought to normal spacing. Typethewordstogetherwithnogaplikethis. Type it vertically down the page.
Say the thought out loud in a silly voice (e.g. imitate a cartoon character or a YouTuber or a famous character) - or sing the thought to the tune of Happy Birthday or another song.
These techniques are designed to help us recognise that thoughts are just made up of words/pictures in our mind. We aren’t trying to debate if they are true or false, we are just trying to see them for what they are - made up of words/letters/pictures. Russ Harris also advises that if any of these techniques make you feel like you are mocking yourself or trivializing the distress, don’t use it - try a different technique.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is another practice recommended in ACT and by CBT therapists.
Russ Harris recommends a mindfulness practice of ACE: Acknowledge your thoughts and feelings (maybe greet them like a visitor - “Oh hi anxiety, you ’ ve joined us have you”)
Connect with your body - notice where the sensations and feelings are in your body (Stomach? Chest? Throat?)
Engage with the situation in front of you. (What is going on right this second? What else needs your attention? It’s ok if you get sidetracked by the same thought - just gently return your attention to the present moment again. And again.)
The gold of this is found in the practice of it - not in the reading of it in a zine, trying it one time and forgetting about it. (I am absolutely this person). If you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to. But if you ’ ve tried other things and nothing’s worked, it can’t hurt to give it a go.
Jon Hershfield recommends using mindfulness as a way of managing compulsions.
“Mindfulness for compulsions is the art of waiting. Just as you sit in the lobby of your therapist’s office and wait for her to call you in, you sit and wait in your mind. When the OCD calls you in, you say, Oh, I’m here for something else. When the present calls you in, you go willingly toward it.” (Hershfield and Corby, 2020, p.72 in The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD : A Guide to Overcoming Obsessions and Compulsions Using Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). This can be as simple as noticing when you are doing rituals/compulsions. Hershfield lists a ton of examples of compulsions, including:
Checking (including mental checking/mental review)
Handwashing
Avoidance
Counting
Hoarding (including memory hoarding - trying to perfectly capture memories)
Making things symmetrical
Seeking reassurance
Trying to determine if your thoughts are rational
Praying compulsively
Trying to control every possible outcome
Testing your reaction to certain thoughts to make sure they feel “bad enough”
Once you recognise these, using a technique such as ACE to acknowledge the urge to do the ritual, connecting with your body and then turning your attention to the situation in front of you can become a very useful tool in resisting compulsions.
Exposure
It’s usually best to set up your exposure hierarchy with the support of someone who knows what they are doing - a qualified psychologist or registered counsellor. However, you may choose to set it up and begin some of the smaller wins yourself with the support of a group or a loved one. You’re the one who has to do it after all - just make sure you’re doing it in a sustainable way that doesn’t cause more damage. An experienced person can help with this.
You can create a hierarchy with as many steps as you want. Think of each step as a goal to achieve. Remember to be BRAVE - make sure in each step you:
Bring on the anxiety
Respond differently (e.g. don’t avoid/leave - act as if you didn’t have the anxiety)
A lot of times in a Variety of situations
Evaluate what you learned
Jon Hershfield says once your anxiety is down to about a 6/10 when you do your exposure, you’re ready to go on to the next exposure. (Or if you’re like me, I like my anxiety to be down to a 5 before I move on! Maybe a 4! But once you’re there, it’s time to take the next step. The goal isn’t to eradicate the anxiety, it’s to learn how to live with it and not do compulsions).
MY EXPOSURE GOALS:
International OCD Foundation https://iocdf.org/
Podcasts:
The OCD Stories: https://theocdstories.com/ Your Anxiety Toolkit https://kimberleyquinlanlmft.com/podcast-blog/
Purely OCD https://purelyocd.com/
Free online support:
Please note, I have not completed these programs or attended these clinics myself - they are simply places to start looking if you need a referral somewhere. The first place you try may not be a great fit - keep trying elsewhere.
OCD Stop! Program: https://www.mentalhealthonline.org.au/programs/ocd-stop eCentre Clinic OCD Course: https://www.ecentreclinic.org/ocd-course
Pure OCD Support Group: https://groups.io/g/pureocd
IOCDF book recommendations: They have a huge list of books about OCD, including workbooks, memoirs and specific OCD themes or topics. See it here: https://iocdf.org/books/
Australian OCD treatment centres:
Brisbane
Brisbane OCD Clinic: https://ocdclinicbrisbane.com.au/
Belmont Private Hospital (outpatient): https://belmontprivate.com.au/treatments/cbt-for-ocd-program/ Anxiety House: https://anxietyhouse.com.au/
Melbourne
The Melbourne Clinic (inpatient, day program and outreach): https://themelbourneclinic.com.au/services/inpatientprograms/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-program
Sydney
Sydney Phobia Clinic: https://www.sydneyphobiaclinic.com.au/ocd
OCD Psychological Services Sydney: https://www.ocdpss.com.au/
Adelaide
Rose Park Psychology:
https://www.roseparkpsychology.com.au/ocd/ BlueSky Psychology:
https://www.blueskypsychology.com.au/obsessionscompulsions/
Perth
Perth OCD Clinic: https://www.perthocdclinic.com.au/ A Resolution: https://aresolution.com.au/ocd-therapy-perth/
Darwin
OCD psychologists and counsellors online and in person: https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/counselling/nt/darwincity?category=obsessive-compulsive-ocd
Hobart
Macquarie Psychology:
https://www.macquariepsychology.net.au/service/obsessivecompulsive-disorder/ Fluence Clinic (psychiatry): https://fluenceclinic.com/conditionocd/ Canberra
Strategic Psychology: https://strategicpsychology.com.au/resources/articles/what-isobsessive-compulsive-disorder/
OCD Bounce: a research collective with a directory for Australia-wide OCD psychologists https://ocd.org.au/
Sometimes we have messy minds and a lot of feelings because they are messages to us that something is wrong. Before assuming it’s all in your head, confirm that you are actually safe, physically and emotionally. If you are not safe physically, please get there as soon as you can. This could involve going to a friend’s house for a few hours, or be as complex as involving the law and moving house. While this is beyond the scope of my zine, I am under no false impressions as to the danger that women in Australian society face. Please see 1800RESPECT (https://www.1800respect.org.au/) for some helpful contacts if you need to get to safety.
Even when there is no abuse present, messy thoughts and a lot of feelings can be a way of your body bringing attention to your own emotional needs and boundaries in relationships with partners, family, friends. You don’t want to blame yourself for your thoughts/feelings that occur in the context of interactions in a relationship. Relational problems require relational solutions. This topic is also beyond the scope of my zine, but worth exploring further with support from someone who gets it.
Finally, I am acutely aware that our circumstances play a HUGE FUCKING ROLE in our mental health. One of the criticisms levelled at the medical model and psychiatry is that it pathologises normal individual responses to their circumstances (poverty, trauma, homelessness, violence, isolation). I’ve definitely seen this borne out in my work as a drug and alcohol counsellor. People often self-medicate to cope with experiences of abuse or violence that honestly should never have happened. Financial instability causes tons of anxiety, as does a toxic workplace or manager. Lack of connection and isolation cause mental health issues too, and having to meet demands that outstrip your capacity leads to burn-out. So if your gut says “actually it’s my shitty job, my falling-down rental and my lack of time to rest,” then it’s probably right, and addressing thoughts and feelings won’t replace addressing circumstances.
Now with all that said - some of us have brains and nervous systems that will cause us struggles no matter how good things around us are - and these are the times we desperately need tools. There is no shame in that either.
Sometimes I need to hold my feelings close and nurture them like a little child.
I speak softly and kindly to myself.
“You’re doing the best you can.”
“It’s okay to feel this way.”
“Cry as much as you like - grief has no timeline.”
“Your feelings are valid.”
“You must have cared so much for it to hurt like this.”
Sometimes I need my feelings to take a step back.
I still speak kindly. I am direct. I am firm.
“Hey, I know you’re trying to keep me safe, and I really appreciate it. You’ve done a great job of looking out for me. But when you flood me with this feeling, I can’t think properly, and it makes it harder for me to be safe. I need you to take a step back and stop flooding me. Then I can make a smart decision to keep us both safe.”
Sometimes my feelings rush at me, and I have the urge to let them out.
I don’t have words at these times. The feelings got the best of me. I take myself away from others. I run from the room. My rage wells up. I am hitting pillows. I am hitting walls. I cannot take another moment. I collapse and I cry. I cannot speak. I feel ashamed. Why didn’t I control this better? Why didn’t I leave the room earlier?
I have to spend time quietly, away from the influence of others, to really listen to how I’m feeling on the inside. It’s so easy to lose touch, for my feelings to be drowned out by everything and everyone around me. I need space, time, peace and quiet, to process. I need to be able to secretly admit to myself what my feelings truly are, even if I’m not ready to share that with anyone else yet. Safety to be truly honest with myself is the basis for honesty with anyone else.
Depression was a current dragging me out to sea, and I floated on a tiny boat in a huge ocean. It took me out when waves of demands were crashing around me.I couldn’t look forward, I couldn’t be happy. There was no horizon, just waves of sadness and pain.And the current trying to drag me down told me, “It doesn’t matter what you do, it will never change. You will never succeed. It’s hopeless.” And I believed it, because it wasn’t entirely untrue.
I thought about stepping into the current and being forever carried beneath the waves - but it scared me. And I wanted to find my way back to shore even if I couldn’t see it yet. Somehow I knew things could be different. So I called out for help. I worked hard to get better in myself, to see things differently and to act differently, even if my situation couldn’t change. And one day I realised I was standing on the shore again, and I could see the horizon.
Self-Compassion with Dr Kristin Neff
https://self-compassion.org/
Internal Family Systems therapy
No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard C Schwartz
Self-Therapy: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness Using IFS, A Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy by Jay Earley
The Butterfly Hug https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iGGJrqscvtU
Vagus Nerve Exercises
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1HCG3BGK8I
4 - 7 - 8 Breathing Exercise
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiUnFJ8P4gM
The Gidget Foundation (for Post Natal Depression)
https://www.gidgetfoundation.org.au/support
Peach Tree Perinatal Wellness
https://peachtree.org.au/
The Butterfly Foundation (for eating disorders) https://butterfly.org.au/
Lifeline 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467
https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-onlinecounselling/