RAM Issue #2 March/Poutu-te-rangi

Page 1



? ! H S DO

Get $10 when you download Dosh and go into a draw to win $10,000. The more you pay and get paid with Dosh, the better your chances. T&Cs apply. See dosh.nz


Download today


Words from the Editor. Between the last issue and this issue, we went from having around 300 students in isolation to pretty much being back to normal. What a crazy world we’re living in! But at the same time, you all had a bit of time on your hands to submit some great articles and get stuck into our Instagram Sex Quiz!


Contents. President’s Welcome / 06 Sex Quiz / 08 LUSA 22’ Clubs / 10

That’s right, this issue is RAM’s ‘Sex Issue’, where you might learn a little and laugh a lot. Either way, we hope you enjoy it.

Mostly BDSM / 14

We expect the next issue to be full of wonderful activities you’re now able to partake in. So go out there and grab the bull (or RAM) by the horns and make up for lost time...then write about it and send it in.

Sex is Such a Turn Off / 22

Stay safe and work hard.

Club Yarn / 16

World of Kinktok / 24 Horny Horoscopes/ 34


Proudly printed by:



Over 200 discounts on all your favourite brands

Get your two year virtual card for $20 with the LUSA code.


That’s two years for price of one!

LUSA2ydeal Download StudentCard app


Follow us on socials for the latest deals and weekly giveaways



Contribute to RAM: Pester the Prez

Hey Prez,

Write to the LUSA President about what’s on your mind and get a response in the next issue of RAM. Articles Have you done some cool stuff lately? We want to hear about it!

Club Chat

Clubs Noticeboard Let everyone know when your next club event is on, or write about your latest club trip.

For more info visit www.theram.org.nz To submit a piece email: comms@lusa.org.nz


Lower Bus Fares are Just around the Corner There is some great news for all students who use buses to commute to campus or travel around at weekends. The Government has recently announced that from April 1st until June 30th there will half price fares on all public transport nationwide. Even if you do not live near a bus stop you can always cycle to the nearest one and either lock your bike securely or put it on the bike rack all buses provide. Then from July 2022 ECan will be offering a 40% discount to all tertiary students who have a Metrocard (these cost just $5) and give about a 30% reduction on the cash fares. ECan are also inviting submission on their Annual Plan for 2023 this includes proposals for FREE bus travel for Tertiary students and under 25’s. More details on this and how to make a submission can be found on the ECan and Metro websites. The deadline for submissions is 3 April. If you haven’t collected your FREE $20 Bus vouchers to top up your Metrocard you can get these from the LUSA office anytime.

Fill out a Medical Aegrotat form and include evidence of positive RATS test. You do not need to go and visit a doctor in-person. Complete the first part of the Medical Aegrotat form, then log you or your householder’s positive RATS test at mycovidrecord.health.nz This may be needed as evidence if you apply for an Aegrotat.

Sustainable transport in general is good for your budget, good for your health and good for the planet. If you have to drive why not consider carpooling to save money and half your carbon footprint. Buses offer many advantages, you can work on them, sleep on them and they always have a sober driver to get you home safely after a big night out! Finally, if you don’t think taking the bus is “cool” check out this YouTube clip: youtube.com/watch?v=zFBEKt-WCT8 See you on the bus!


Jeremy Kilgour President Well...what a great start to semester one, not! The start of the semester has been bloody bumpy. What I thought was going to be a great start to the semester wasn’t. We were lucky to run some events during O’Week, in particular Clubs Market Day. This was an awesome opportunity for students to take interest in clubs and other organisations. If you couldn’t make Clubs Market Day but are keen to join a club, head to the LUSA website and all our clubs and contact details are there. Joining a club makes your university experience so much better and there is definitely a club for everyone! There have been students isolating since the start of uni which has made campus seem deserted. However, in the last week, there have been more students on campus making the most of face-to-face lecturers and our wonderful facilities such as the library and Grounded. LUSA has been doing a lot to support students who have been isolating, such as providing care packages and food. LUSA will continue to work with the university to support students on all matters of student life, whether it be COVID related or not. I have been in many meetings since the start of the semester giving student opinions on many issues, particularly COVID issues. I am pushing for all lecture, lab, and field trip material to be available online and pushing for an aegrotat/moderate impairment for assessments for all students as COVID impacts students in a variety of ways, whether students have covid or not. LUSA has attended several meetings academicrelated. These meetings have discussed implementing new programmes, courses, strategies, and other general items that will benefit all tauira in the future. I have also been in meetings discussing the student


services fee. This is a fee that you pay which goes towards LUSA, Whare Hākinakina (LU Gym), the Health Centre, Te Ahwioraki, and Careers. For a full year, students pay $850 whether students use the services or not. There will be an article in the next issue of RAM magazine which discusses the fee more. I am keen to hear your feedback on this fee, whether it should be increased/decreased or spent elsewhere. While LUSA raises student concerns and gives student input, we understand that we cannot capture 3000 students’ concerns and opinions. If you have any concerns and opinions about absolutely anything, please get in contact with me or the exec. It is our job to make sure students have the best time at Lincoln University. Did you know that students pay over $137,000 for student execs salaries? A lot of money comes out of students’ pockets, so we want to make sure you are getting the most out of your money by raising any concerns or opinions about LUSA or Lincoln University. LUSA’s upcoming meetings are on the 29th of March, 3rd of May, and 24th of May, in-person and online. If you are interested in attending, please get in contact with me. We will be discussing things such as monthly profit and loss, operational reports, policies, and several other important topics. It is a great way to understand how LUSA works. I am eager to hear your thoughts and experiences about life at Lincoln University. The LUSA office is on the ground floor of Forbes building so pop in and say hello. Alternatively, you can contact me at president@lusa.org.nz or 03 423 0580.



Harris Moana

Cam Butterworth



Tēnā koutou!

Hey all!

The first half of the sem aye. People in and out of campus with many tauira isolating at the beginning of the semester...it has been a messy way to start the year, however, most of us are back onto campus now.

Week five of 2022 and our old friend COVID is still hanging about. I hope everybody has recovered now if you’ve had it and fingers crossed we’re over the peak at uni. Before I continue I’d like to thank everyone who’s obeyed the iso rules and covid restrictions. As far as LUSA goes COVID has been taking up the majority of discussion and we are trying our best to make uni as normal as possible. But with the hope of restrictions easing and a level of freedom returning, we have been throwing some ideas around on how to make Re: O’Week and the rest of 2022 one to remember!

What has Te Awhioraki been up to? We thought kai. Kai is a good way to get tauira together. We held a barbeque at the beginning of the semester to act as a welcome to Te Awhioraki, however, iso took away many students from us that would’ve been there. Friday seems like a tough day to get numbers so we we’re thinking of having shared lunches at the whare on Wednesdays. We’d provide some kai and if you came, you’d bring a plate to share, that would be great! It would be a mean way to meet other tauira on campus while also having a feed! I caught up with the Te Akatoki (UC Māori Students Association) to see what we could do with our tauira. Something I was keen to do was to do events together. This might mean we all go out one-night bowling, laser tag, movies or have a big feed together. Also, kapa haka had been a point of interest raised by a few students and this was something that if we had the numbers, we could start up at Lincoln or join up with UC. We hope to do some stuff with them soon!

On a more positive note, Clubs Market Day was a huge success with over 20 clubs attending and two of our clubs receiving over 200 sign-ups! It was also awesome to see the start-up of new clubs such as the AGLS Society and the Dive Club. Over the last few weeks Club Execs have been working hard to plan-welcoming events and their first trips of the year. From what I’ve heard these have been a great success and have received some outstanding feedback from the public that has bumped into a student on these club trips. That’s all from me for now so I’ll catch you guys around uni and if you’ve got any ideas or feel like a yarn, don’t hesitate to come say “gidday!”

Other than that, things have just been the usual. It’s still mean to see tauira coming in and out of the whare to study or have a feed, and I encourage all of our tauira Māori that the whare is a place for you. You are more than welcome to head over and help yourself! Te Awhioraki is here to help you our tauira, so whatever the issue may be, we’re here to help. If you have any ideas on stuff you would like to see, let us know! Chea.



SEX QUIZ We all like to think we’re a stallion in the sack, getting all reverse cowgirl on it... but what do we really know about our fellow Lincoln students and their sex life? Well...if you took the Instagram quiz on @lusa.nz then all your deep, dark secrets are about to be revealed!


Halls Office, Toilet

On a Motorbike

Quarters 2, Room 107

Lincoln New World

Rolleston Public Bathroom (we broke the soap dispenser!)

Queenstown Public Toilet


Library Toilets

Caught in my car

Construction Site


Against the Window

Forbes Building

On a Quad Bike

Cricket Pitch












Anything with an Opening



Anything that involves kissing




Where I don’t have to do anything flat on my back!

Whatever the Mrs asks for

On top


The Butter Churner


Roast Chicken




Dirty Hilux’s


Having my neck kissed


Being Dominated

Thick Thighs



Light Switches

Turning them on




Ona banana



LU #1 Rugby Field

Gumboots, Tractors

In a Massive Fish Bowl

Uncles Basement

Under a Woolshed

Beach - sand up the vagina!

My Dogs Kennel (poor dog)

New Brighton Pier

A Washing Machine

Swimming Pool

Air Freight Container

Vineyard 9

One of the best ways to optimise your University experience is to join a club! Clubs provide the opportunity to meet new people who share a common interest, experience something new, and develop skills outside of the classroom.Club involvement also looks great on your CV when you’re applying for jobs down the track! If you can’t see a club that takes your interest, you can start your own! For more info go to lusa.org.nz/clubs


Christian Fellowship



The Lincoln Uni Christian Fellowship Club is all about friendship, fun, fellowship, and learning more about Jesus. We organise weekly events including bible studies, social hangouts, and prayer meetings. Anyone is welcome, whether you know just a little about Jesus, a lot, or nothing at all! Come meet us in the Grounded Glassbox 1pm Wednesdays


Wine Appreciation Club Do you fancy a Pinot Noir to a Riesling? Would you like the opportunity to compare New Zealand’s wine to a French or German wine?You can and at an affordable price with tastings generally around $15! The Wine Appreciation Club is seeking new members and existing members to re-join the club for 2022. The club meets on campus in the HTL for wine tastings usually held on selected Thursdays through the year from 5pm for an hour. Wine tastings are a great way to experience and build knowledge of


a wide range of wine styles and regions. I recommend the club to those doing the GDipVO and BVO. It’s a great way to build confidence in your sensory analysis of wines. You can of course join if your studies are not wine related but would like to sample wine and learn about tastings. To Join, go to the lusa.org.nz, Clubs, Find a Club, Wine Appreciation Club, and you can sign up through QPAY. Members receive discounted tasting night prices.




Vanilla & Spice but mostly BDSM Written by Anonymous I’m sure many of you have seen the not-so-great movie, or read the books of, 50 Shades of Grey. Now I know some of you found these titillating, tantalising, and, honestly quite tasteful, however, in the reality of it, it’s quite BULLSHIT. Anyone familiar with the BDSM scene would know that 50 Shades of Grey does not provide a safe, healthy, or realistic representation of what BDSM is. With the addition of more and more shows/movies appearing on TV/streaming services showing the world of more structured and ‘hardcore’ (term used loosely) BDSM; such as, dominatrix and humiliation or the heavily controlled breath play as is the likes in Netflix’s BONDiNG or what can be seen in Ryan Murphy’s AMAZING show Pose. For others reading this, I’m sure your question is what is BDSM? Well, the acronym stands for bondage dominant sadism and masochism, representing three main components: • • •

BD: Bondage and Discipline – playing with physical restraints, training, punishment, etc. DS: Dominance and Submission – playing with obedience, power exchange, service, humility, etc SM: Sadism and Masochism – playing with pain, degradation, humiliation, fear, etc. It is a consensual activity respecting the fundamental rights of every human involved.

When you read or hear about what these are, you probably think kinky, but the reality is BDSM is not limited to sex. In quite a few cases the mental connotations of some acts are more of a turn on than the prelude of a particular act leading to sex, or sex itself. Another way to think of it is the overused and famous quote “It’s 14

about the journey not the destination”, where sex is the destination and the much more fun, entertaining, and enjoyable part is foreplay or the more BDSM/kink side of things. In the reality of modern-day relationships (of any sort from casual to committed natures) BDSM is a lot more commonplace than you’d think. You might be starting to or already incorporating elements of BDSM into your bedroom life without realising; from the simple restriction of movements by holding their hands above their heads developing into restriction using other means, or light choking (breath play), roleplay, outdoors, public, exhibition or voyeurism, or more commonly, taking on more dominant or submissive roles during sex. All of which have become more readily seen in relationships or hookups. There isn’t anything wrong with it, and in my opinion, it honestly makes it more enjoyable and adds more to just the ‘making the beast with two backs’, aka sex. Which brings up the question of “what is vanilla?” Commonly, vanilla has been used to describe the more mundane everyday version of sex. It’s just the good old regular standard, and typically more of, what is deemed, a romantic side of sex; and there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you are enjoying it! Within BDSM there are heaps of different archetypes and, just like genetics, everyone is different and finding someone with the same preferences is probably extremely unlikely to occur. However, there are some common ones which people can identify with or parts of ranging from dom/sub (dominant & submissive; with someone who is both being switch) through to brat/ brat tamer. It is also important to know that preferences can change over time, even between different partners (such as with switch, who could be dominant one moment but submissive the next), and it is a completely natural thing to happen. Just like sexuality and gender,


how ‘kinky’, or involved with BDSM, you are is a spectrum and can change. Such was the case with myself starting as predominantly vanilla and open to some things, now I am predominantly switch, brat and brat tamer. If you do want to find out more about different archetypes and where you sit in regards to the spectrum head to: bdsmtest.org/select-mode or bdsmtest.org/info for a great test to explore and learn to understand some things. If you do want to start exploring the world of BDSM in a more defined setting, then I suggest you do it with someone you are comfortable with and have an open conversation about things you want to try and explore. Remember, the most important thing is safety, so establish a safe word and talk through what your boundaries (and your hard boundaries, which are the absolute hell no moments) are.


same link I put in for the Shibari rope bondage (the previous link). It is a massive world out there when it comes to BDSM, so why not explore it, and find out what aspects you like. I found that exploring and understanding the ‘beginner’ (or commonly referred to as the ‘lighter’ side) BDSM, and some aspects I have explored further, helped me develop as a person and figure out what I want in relationships with myself and others. I know that it sounds cliché, but it helped me be more confident in myself romantically, sexually, and physically. So, please do enjoy and explore but do it with an open mind, consent, respect, and protection (contraception, which if you do want to play without then have an open talk with your partner(s), get tested, and talk to your GP or health clinic professionals for a better understanding). If you are sexually active with your partner(s), then it is recommended that you get tested regularly (such as at least every three months or more frequently).

A good place to start in the BDSM world is basic sensory deprivation, with the likes of a blindfold (for sight) and handcuffs or rope (or a tie, belt, or scarf which are both more readily available). I would recommend exploring Shibari rope bondage (more info available at: cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/a44875/ bdsm-bondage-beginner-information/ or cosmopolitan – what is BDSM? An expert guide to BDSM sex for beginners). But remember sensory deprivation is an unfamiliar feeling for us humans (especially beginners) so start slow and check in with each other. Even more important is talk and reflect afterwards! I know… AWKWARD! But you will find it will help develop your relationship with your partner(s), with yourself and with what sex and intimacy means to you. When you do take a step into more or ‘higher level’ toys, kinks or BDSM, take time and don’t rush. The most important thing is to have fun and enjoy it in a safe and consented environment! If you do want to read more about this, I recommend the 15

Written by Corey

Eight trucks, 32 members, and a mission to fill some freezers. After a short 4WD trip through Poplar Station and onto DOC land, we arrived at the Hope Kiwi Lodge. Kit was unpacked, tents were pitched, and plans for the afternoon began coming together. Three parties set out to take on the surrounding country wherefrom these efforts, one yearling hind was shot for the afternoon. A good first night was shared with some local trampers before we all called it a night and prepped for the following day of hunting. Five teams set off for the hills at the break of dawn, fed and eager to see what the country could provide. Over the day, lots of ground was covered. Some teams reaching elevations of 1840m and walking up to 35km! A whole range of animals were seen including deer, pigs, and chamois. The day was filled with exceptional views and some unreal terrain, which was topped off with the club bagging two decent-sized stags and two young spikers. The guns and boots were hung up and the club treated themselves to a well-deserved beer and a feed to finish off the last night at the Hope Kiwi Lodge. A sleep-in was enjoyed by many as the rain dampened an early morning hunt the following day. After a good clean of the hut, the utes were packed, and we were on our way back to Lincoln after a successful trip in some awesome South Island backcountry!



TO GIN OR NOT TO GIN? SILLY QUESTION! Thanks, LUSA for helping facilitate another great event, Sunday 13th March. A few of us from Lincoln Uni attended a Gin Tasting and cocktail event, put on by Wine Divine a local Rolleston small business. It was an event open to the public, so we bought tickets directly from Wine Divine but LUSA were awesome with organising and paying for free transport for us to get from Uni to and from Larcombs Winery, where the Gin tasting was held. It was yet another great event for students, sadly not many attended, but those who did make it a great time. The Gin tasting was fun and educational, with the friendly people from Racketeer Gin there to give their family-ran small business backstory and explain how it’s made. We all had a laugh making a cocktail each and the platter of food was scrumptious as always. This was the second tasting event, previously we attended the LUSA organised wine tasting with Wine Divine, which went so well, that the attendees wanted to attend the gin tasting and future events as they are good value but done in a fun, interacting and engaging way with loads of humour and laughs. I would like to thank LUSA for being so awesome for these events as it was great to network with other students in a relaxed and beautiful location of Larcombs winery. We are all looking forward to more events from LUSA, Postgrad Soc., and/or Wine divine! Rumour is that the next one is possibly a cocktail tasting event, so keep your eyes out for when that gets advertised. By Tash Smith 17


A Locky Dock has just landed outside Grounded. It’s an awesome new FREE & secure place to park your bike. Use your Metrocard or download the app from lockydock.co.nz and try it today! 18



Written by Grace Moscrip

The anticipated 1st weekend trip of the year to Central Otago/ Maniototo 35 young farmer enthusiasts set off on Friday the 18th of March, heading toward Central Otago for what would be one heck of a weekend! The first day include a farm visit, which was at Orari Gorge Station. This impressive station encompasses sheep, beef, and deer. A highlight of this farm was the Beef and Lamb NZ trials which are running at Orari, looking at the practicality and outcomes of a lower input system (e.g., no tailing, less drenching, etc). It is fair to say Robert and the team are operating a very profitable business and leading the pack in terms of industry improvement and genetics. We then began the long drive down to Lake Hawea with an essential stop at the Fairlie Bakehouse for a pie, then to Bendhu Station just out of Omarama. Bendhu is a high-altitude sheep, beef, and deer farm which has fought many challenges in the surrounding environment. Hamish has undertaken an impressive amount of development into a legume-based pasture sward to ensure a more reliable source of feed. From here, we headed to Lake Hawea for fish and chips for dinner, followed by some initiations involving a refreshing swim in the lake and many other activities! To top off the day, the Lincoln Station, Mt Grand kindly hosted us for the night in their woolshed. A great location for an awesome shindig.

country which borders the lake itself. This was definitely a highlight and was awesome to see how tourism and events can be added into a farming system, along with the impressive amount of regen paddocks, with over 30 species. This property was also the first accredited carbon positive farm, sequestering 2.5 times more carbon than what is emitted. From Lake Hawea we drove the scenic route to Alexandra for lunch and some supplies, and then back on the road to Armidale Merino Stud. Armidale is a 4th generation farm and is one of the leading studs for Merino in New Zealand. They had a great display of fleeces which some of their top rams and ewes have produced, followed by a viewing and discussion around some of their premium sires (very impressive looking rams). After visiting Armidale, we headed to a dairy farm in the Maniototo, which is the minority of farm systems in the area! The 300ha irrigated property is home to 1000 cows and a newly built 60 bail rotatory. Gaz the contract milker, along with the Maniototo Young Farmers Club supplied amazing hospitality with a BBQ dinner at the shed and free beers. After dinner, we headed to the Patearoa Pub for a great night with the local young farmers, followed by another night in a woolshed at the Crutchley’s. It’s fair to say the scenic Sunday morning drive over Danseys Pass was not loved by all – but was well worth it for the weekend antics. Thank you to everyone who came on the trip and made it one to remember. Also, thank you to the rest of the exec for organising and pulling it all together. See you on the next one!

After a dusty Saturday morning feed on the BBQ, we then headed down the road to Lake Hawea Station. Lake Hawea Station is home to 6,500 hectares of mostly very steep high S U B M IT YO U R YA R N TO R A M AT LU SA .O RG.NZ / R A M



O’Week 2022’ didn’t go off with a bang as we’d hoped. It was more of a complete fizz (in the worst way) of isolations hitting hard in week two. Nonetheless, we soldiered on and put on what we could for you guys to at least have some sort of a welcome! The best day was probably Clubs Market, with the best to-date ‘Goodie Bags’. The weather was primo, although windy, and the Forbes balcony DJ kept the vibe going. All masked up, Clubs had some great exhibits and we could see their

smiley faces through their eyes. The Outdoor Cinema was a scorcher but it was nice to chill for a while in the bean bags with a cold red bull to watch some classics. The Food Truck Picnic brought all the good with yummy fried chicken, Fritz Weiners, smoothies, and some sweet tunes. Postgrad Wine Mixer was a heap of fun, where they learned about different wines during a tasting from Wine Divine all while grazing on yummy platters and listening to live music. Very sophisticated!



For all future events keep an eye on Facebook @studentsatlincoln 21

Sex is such a turn off. Written by Ace2

It’s anywhere and everywhere; movies, books, songs, yo mama’s bedroom, your brother’s sock, the pool table in the Halls common rooms. It’s the way that men swagger down the street, fresh from the clubs or bars. The laughter from women after a drink too many, white teeth behind red lipstick, dressed to the nines, and makeup on point. A hand trailing up an arm to rest on a shoulder, heated kisses in a bathroom stall. Everywhere you look, nothing but sex or a means to get there. In most western media, especially TV shows, there is a lot of sex. Sometimes as a very poor plot device, sometimes tastefully done but still unnecessary. Finding something to watch that doesn’t offend your eyeballs gets harder and harder with each month. Netflix is drowning, it’s dripping with sex-driven shows, so much that it might as well be PornHub. Everywhere, sex is talked about, mentioned, sought after (this is a university and hormones are running rampant with each new batch of freshers that come in), and messily achieved in some not-so-private spaces. Are the walls thick enough in the halls to avoid hearing your pod-mate fuck someone? No, no they are not. Invest in some noise-canceling headphones, earplugs, or earmuffs, I implore you. As much as sex is ‘cool’ (as long as you get consent, consent is important, fam), the thing to do, the thing to pass time, there is more to life than fucking or getting 22

fucked. How do I know this? As an asexual, I am well versed in things that are Better Than Sex™. “An asexual? Isn’t that what plants do?” Yes, and no. Asexuality (in humans) is the lack of sexual attraction, not the lack of sexual drive. It is also NOT the lack of romantic attraction; sex and romance are two very different things and are something that is often ignored. But, like most aspects of the LGBTQ+ community, it’s less of a definition and more of a metal slide covered in dishwashing liquid and water. Asexuality is a spectrum, a multi-faceted diamond, a 3D model of a castle with all the secret passageways and booby traps and pitfalls that scarily mimic real life, but on steroids with an enthusiastic Italian plumber in stripper heels to guide you. It can be scary to navigate, difficult at times with a shit ton of eMOtioNAL DAmaGE from the constant external pressure to be fucking normal, dammit! It’s the constant need to defend yourself, to explain that yes, you would like a romantic relationship; hold hands and cuddle and support and lean on someone, go on dates, and have that constant reassurance that someone loves you for you, you just don’t want sex. Can we have a stable, meaningful relationship that doesn’t revolve around sex? Yes, it is possible. But no, I think the favourite part of being asexual is the constant need that other people feel to fix this…fix my


sexuality, as if there was something to be fixed. As if it were a disease, a virus; something you could get vaccinated against but people wouldn’t want you to cos

“vaccines cause autism” or some bullshit like that. The constant need to stick their beaky noses in where it’s not welcome and offer their 2 cents, except we don’t have 2 cent coins in New Zealand anymore, so that makes it just as useless. Things like “Oh, there’s a medicine that can fix that.” Nothing is broken. Our brains are just wired differently. We do not require sex to function, it isn’t a necessity, no matter how much the first years and animal science department want to disagree (stfu Craig). Some people, as weird as it may sound, do not require sex, do not like sex, or are just flat out not interested. It’s that simple. “Oh no,’ I hear you cry, ‘it’s rare, right? There must only be a few of you, correct?” Weeellll….in a study done by Williams Institute, at the University of California (Los Angeles), they determined that 1.7% of the population is asexual. So, if we apply that to the population of America (about 333 million), then around 5.6 million of them are asexual. Now. Apply that to the world. 7.9 billion people. 1.7% of them are asexual. For those of you who hate math, who suck at it, or just avoid numbers for personal reasons, I’ll tell you. It’s 134.3 million. For context, that’s more than the population of Japan. If you got all of us together and shoved us in a country, we would be the 10th most populated country in the world, above Mexico. So yeah, I guess we’re rare in the way that sleeps attainable during exam week; a small percentage, but there nonetheless. “You haven’t found the right one.” The right one for what, exactly? The right one to piss me off so significantly that I’d probably go to jail for premeditated murder? The right one to forge the sword of the Chosen One? Bring balance to the Force? This one vexes me greatly. Please, for the love of cheesy garlic bread, be more specific. “How do you know you don’t like it if you haven’t tried it?” Look. Sex is like food, right? Some food looks gross, like week-old vomit on the window of Colombo’s common room, or the slightly dubious Sunday Frittata in the dining hall. You don’t want to touch it, you don’t want to eat it, and frankly, it’s gross (sorry Mike, it was a student poll). That’s okay. No one is going to force


you to eat it. No one should force you to eat it. That’s assault. That’s Bad. BAD! Some food looks kinda…meh, tbh. Like, you’ll eat it if you’re hungry, but sometimes you aren’t hungry for it. Most of the time you aren’t hungry for it. That’s fine. Sometimes, the food looks really good, and you want to eat it, even if you don’t normally. That’s fine. Others may want to eat all the time, others don’t want to eat at all, and some people are picky eaters. Others will only eat a certain type of food. Others may want to try new food, and some once they try, find that they don’t like it. That. Is. Okay. “Oh, you’ll change your mind.” Bitch, I think the fuck not! This one really annoys me. Society expects me to have a clear idea of a career, of a future, what I want to do with my life, right? Somewhere in there, sometimes along the way, some asshole decided that needing to procreate was essential for any young woman. So, when any of us express ideas like ‘I don’t want kids’ or ‘I don’t want to get married, people immediately say that it’s the wrong thing to want. But that is a topic for another time; I have spreadsheets and charts and the rage of a repressed gay who has been denied acceptance because ‘A’ stands for ‘Ally’, apparently (it doesn’t, and anyone who wants to dispute that can meet me outside on Forbes Lawn after this is published, with their weapon of choice, their last rites completed and ready to die). “What if your husband/partner wants sex?” Admittedly, this one hasn’t come up all that often, since I cut certain people out of my life. But…bold of you to assume that I’d a) marry a man in the first place when there are also *women* and b) date someone who doesn’t respect my boundaries. Any fool who decides that they want to spend their life with me and try to coerce me into sex will find themselves at the wrong end of the sword, and not in a kinky way either. Despite all that life throws at me; the constant pressure to have sex, to submit, to conform to what society wants me to do, there are constants that I hold onto. I am asexual. I am proud of it. This bloodline ends with me.


The Wonderful World of Kinktok Written by Anonymous For many, Tiktok is a place where 16-year-old girls perform the same dance made popular by Charli D’Amelio or where Bella Poarch shares her over-expressive lip-synching videos. However, for some, Tiktok is an educational place where you can learn about many things. For example, Farming Tiktok, where farmers from all over the world share their experience in their field or HorseTok where riders share their knowledge and experience in all different disciplines. And not to forget trucktok, where jacked-up Utes are proudly put on display by their owners. And then there is the more sexual and kinky side of Tiktok... This is the place where raunchy Wattpad scenes are screenshotted and shared, where dungeon masters (not the Dungeons and Dragons kind) share their collection of paddles, harnesses, and floggers, where mischievous Brats share tips on how to piss off your Dom and where Shibari artists share their very impressive work. Kinktok was a major awakening for many people, myself included. This was where I figured out that I enjoy annoying and sassing my partner, or Dom as they are more known in the BDSM community, right up to the point where I am forcibly restrained. What is even more enjoyable is escaping the ropes that they spent the last 45 minutes putting me into. This is known as being a Brat. We thrive off annoying our Dom, causing problems, and generally being annoying. However, this can also have repercussions, also known as punishment. This can come in many forms, such as not being given the attention we want, whether it is sexual or not, even just writing lines or whatever else your Dom has in mind for you. 24

While it is fun to spice things up, consent is very important. And not just before a scene is started but checking in throughout is also important. Both parties must enjoy the ‘activities’ as this could result in trauma for either party. It is also important to do your research before trying out anything new, as this could make the experience more enjoyable. My personal favourite BDSM Tiktokers are frankiejfields and rabbidrabbitz, however mynameisjustandy also has some good bedroom tips, especially for the guys. Remember, play safe, have fun, and don’t forget consent.






Driving to Uni costs an arm and a let not to mention the environmental impact of the actual driving! Lincoln University is committed to reducing the number of single occupancy vehicles coming in and out of campus as part of our sustainability plan. We’ve teamed up with the coolest little carpooling company, Hitch! Hitch will help you easily find and connect with staff and students to carpool in and out of campus.


Why use Hitch? •

Hitch helps you save on petrol by splitting the costs through their website.

Hitch is helping fight climate change. You could save roughly 9.6kg of carbon commuting to and from Christchurch every day!

Hitch makes commuting a whole lot less boring. You may even meet a lifelong friend!

The first 250 carpoolers will get a free coffee!

To make this a roaring success, we need as many people as possible to jump on and give it a go! You can sign up now through hitcharide.co.nz Got questions, reach out to hitch.nz on Instagram.


LUICS; formerly ‘Lincoln University International Club’, is all about supporting international students, promoting cultural diversity, and making the university experience special for our club members. We welcomed all students and staff on the evening of the 17th of March. It was an exciting night with bubble tea and pizza, along with prizes for a giveaway draw. Chatime’s Signature Milk Tea Trio with tapioca pearls, pudding, and grass jelly toppings, and Mango QQ with coconut jelly toppings, were amazing, and everyone enjoyed them! Thank you to everyone who came along and made the event a successful one. 26

We’re excited to announce our collaboration with Chatime, so all LUICS 2022 members can now get 5% off their Chatime order. LUICS is also planning to collaborate with Rolleston Badminton Club, so if you’re a badminton enthusiast, let us know! The team is also planning a Kdrama/movie night, quiz night, day trip, and maybe even an International Cultural ball! So, keep an eye out on our QPay and Facebook for more information, and check your emails for announcements. We’re currently looking for two General Reps to join our team. Duties could include catch-ups with the Exec fortnightly, event planning, and working on collaborations with organisations. If you’re interested in joining LUICS or have any questions or event ideas, please email our team at: InternationalCultural.Society@lincoln.ac.nz



MACAULAY 4WD/HUNTING TRIP Written by Kate Smitsra

On the 12th of March, 31 keen hunting club members hit the road, heading south towards the Mackenzie district. There is no better way to start a good hunting club trip than a mandatory stop at the Fairlie Bakehouse. With satisfied stomachs, we arrive at the start of the Macaulay River 4WD track, where all the fun begins! We convoyed up the river in seven 4WD trucks, navigating the riverbed. Big Yella was shining bright, and everyone was in good spirits. Once we had made it to public land, we parked up, got the binoculars out, and glassed the mountain faces. The Macaulay River area is renowned for successful tahr hunting. Initially, we saw no sign, so continued our journey bouncing our way up the river. As we continue towards the hut, small hunting groups are dropped off with an experienced hunter leading each group. A group of 6 of us decided to climb straight up the guts (800m) over the top of the range to what we thought could be a perfect basin for hunting. A slow but scenic slog up, we finally made it to the basin at 5:30pm. Binoculars out, Emma spots a group of nanny’s and kids (goats) grazing in the basin. They were 900m away so we had to creep a lot closer to get within range. With the wind on our side, we were able to creep to 150m away from the group of tahr. It was incredible just to sit and

watch these animals graze. We ended up shooting two tahr, bringing home some back steaks and legs for the flat freezer. We were absolutely shattered from the day’s antics, so we decided we were going to find a scree face to skid back down to the river bed and head back to the hut for dinner. Our chosen route down was everything but fast, and as the sun went down, we quickly realized we were in for a late-night. After a few hours of rock scree navigation and war with matagouri, we finally made it back to the river at 11:30pm. What an absolute mission! We arrived at the hut, cracked open a cold one while everyone exchanged their hunting stories from the day. Six tahr we shot in total and everyone had an absolutely awesome time navigating the hills. The social time at the hut was a great opportunity to meet all the new club members and have a good laugh. Cooked breakfast in the morning went down a treat, before heading back out the river and home to Lincoln. A huge thank you goes out to the Hunting Club for organizing such an awesome trip and giving students of all hunting experiences the chance to see this awesome part of the country. This was definitely a trip to remember!



Recommendations! SEX EDITION



Oriental Taste 19 Gerald Street, Lincoln (cnr of shops with Cofee Culture)

LUSH 32 Allen Street, Christchurch Central City Insta @lushch

A tiny hidden away food icon of Lincoln Township that very few people know about, but it is for sure the best-fried chicken in Christchurch. For only $15 you can get an awesome portion of fried chicken with a vast range of different flavours (from cheese to spicy to teriyaki); with an even better possibility of half & half. The chicken comes with fries, salad, or vegetables, which are all great complements to the chicken. Go support this awesome local business the next time you want a great feed.

I’m sure many of you have experienced a strip club, if not, definitely put it on your bucket list. Whether you’re sober, part of a group event like a Hen’s or Stag’s party, or just hammered drunk after a long night out, it’s always a lot of fun! LUSH hosts a lot more ‘talent’ than Calendar Girls (otherwise known as CGs), in the way of actual performances. LUSH regularly hosts special events, live music and live burlesque performances. Be sure to jump on their Insta and check out when Bonita Danger Doll (pictured) is performing her Burlesque & Aerial Show!


Adult Toy Mega Store adulttoymegastore.co.nz What a better way to celebrate the ‘Sex Issue’ than advertising the more intimate, sexual, and passionate side of shopping. Get down and dirty with yourself, or your partner(s), and expand your bedroom fantasies. With him and her sections, toys just became a lot easier to follow and explore. With a great range and diversity of toys, Adult Toy Mega Store offers experiences for newly exploring to kinky fiends at competitive and enjoyable prices (and Afterpay if that’s more your style). It truly is the Briscoes of the sex toy world: always with a sale, already reduced prices, and from recognised to unknown brands. One of their top sellers, a well-known and loved female companion, the Satisfyer Pro 2, is currently on sale for only $59.95. For our male readers, the Satisfyer Men (a hand-held masturbater) on sale for $61.95.



Wine Divine winedivine.co.nz Wine Divine is not your average bottle store. It’s an amazing local business who sell alcohol online and hold amazing tasting events from whiskey to cocktails to gin, with lovely Laura steering the ship, I couldn’t recommend a more awesome company. Holding spirits and wines from some awesome kiwi businesses such as The Racketeer Gin and great small producer wines from Maori Point Gold Digger Pinot Noir. Join them for a fun and informative tasting evening either in your home with friends or at one of their tasting events held around Christchurch. The Postgrad Society has now had members join two separate tasting events from Wine Divine, with intentions to attend more.

If you are new to the toy scene, or wanting to expand your horizons, the website offers great articles, guides and tips/advise for you, with recommendations for toys and how to be safe using them. Some great recommendations for anal toys from Rocks Off (especially their vibrating range of prostate massagers [a collection highlight is the Naughty Boy], plugs and beads) to a large range of bondage gear (ropes to paddles to more). If you are already in the BDSM or kink scene, they might not have exactly what you are looking for, so sites like Mister B (https://www.misterb.com) might be more your scene. Especially for better quality products and clothing attire (leather, latex, etc). Or good value ‘cheeky’ style underwear for men being aussieBum (www.aussiebum.com/index.php). So, go on, treat yourself, both mentally and physically!



We came from nothing, one day everything will fade to nothing, and life, that, we can simply enjoy. If there was someone to see the entirety of it they might say "Well that was a pleasant show. Delectable? Yes. Gut wrenching? Maybe. Was it all worth it?"..... Was it all worth it? It is our sickness. Worth is the life put into the action, the time, the minutes, the hours, the days, the weeks. Was it worth it? Life is the breath of those minutes, hours, days, weeks till death. The void beyond the comprehension of physicality is the sickness. So, we have the sickness unto death. What one experiences till their death. We, contradictory to our scientific design of existence, at least sometimes need to question what our 'purpose' is in life – therefore a faith and trust in the reasoning and meaning for existence – for if we do not, it impacts our health and soundness of mind. We thus seek to believe in something, and most often we settle upon what is most convenient for us, yet, (more often than not) we feel unsatisfied with that form of 'reality'. It feels empty, unfinished and we feel that we must either come to terms with it, become fatalistic in our reasoning and, if not, add in some form of deluded value we conjure up ourselves, or reject the form of reality altogether. What is good and evil? This is generally the basis of truth. If a stoat ate your chickens, its stomach would be filled and therefore its meal was good for it. You have lost your chicken therefore it is bad for you. Who is ultimately right? The stoat has no comprehension that those chickens were yours, it lives in a different world. In the end you have lost your chickens. This is a reality where there is right and wrong but it is what is decided by society and by your own self because if you were the stoat then you would be happy that your stomach was full. Yet the reality of the stoat, your chickens and you can be read as simple and flat: there is no 'good' or 'evil' just 'gain', 'neutral', and 'loss'. A reality not mattering on the basis of one's feelings (beyond the chemical responses within yourself), but purely on the physicality of the situation (the stoat has gained and you have lost) reality can be as simple as that. It does not matter what the stoat feels - you can’t actually truly (in a sense) know what the stoat feels because you are not the stoat. Beyond that you could respond to your 'feelings' and could say "and so? Well then I'll go kill that stoat. I am not the stoat; I shall not be the one who will be doing the dying.” This requires energy to prepare a way to kill the stoat, for if you do not put in energy into this action then you will not be killing it. This means that you are losing energy to kill the stoat with not gain (you have no more chickens so you will not be gaining


the safety of your chickens). This leads us back to the first version of reality that has been mentioned - a reality based on what you feel is a valid response, therefore right. Or, this 'and so?' could lead to a gain in the form of pleasure, you have found compensation for your loss but the way this compensation is 'felt' is not the feeling of justice but the feeling of 'peace'. If you go out to kill that stoat in the reaction to adrenaline coursing through your veins and the anger and hurt – electrical pulses within your brain – then you do 'gain'; when those pulses are relieved through the non-existence of the entire situation. The chickens are gone, the stoat is gone, life can move on. Finally, if there are multiple realities then which one is right? One action I do will be seen as negative by someone but the next person might see it (the same action) as positive. So instead of following your own judgement as in the first case or applying 'logical physicality' to the situation as in the second example, and you do not thus then live in an amplified version of this as in the third reality. You do not reason at all and pull a wild card, not by your judgement or 'logical physicality' or an immediate knee jerk response. You contradict our scientific design even if its only for moments, for an evening, just because "why not? In the end nothing matters.” Some people will see it as all good and some will see it as all bad. If everything is good/bad, life could become reasonless because every outcome is believed to be good/bad which means nothing can be worked towards. Someone is inevitably going to feel negativity or positivity and because it is not my place to figure out in depth how and who is going to get 'hurt' or 'gain' and by how much – it would take forever to understand everyone and everyone's values. So, you in some sense 'freed' yourself to do anything. Does this mean you should do it? You have one life. What a waste of the only body we have if we use it only purely to our own delight. We only have so much strength and so much fluidity and ability before fragility sets in, and after it sets in it does not go away. It is hard to fathom the pains of wear and consequence till they are felt. Perhaps you don't know what is exactly clearly right, perhaps it doesn't matter, but you can at least try. Ultimately I and nobody can bind you to believing any reality over the next. You have freedom to be any way you want to and live in any reality you want to because without this freedom any accomplishment becomes not an accomplishment but a given. Accomplishing something good - even if it is not realised in your lifetime is admirable because it is easier to destroy than to build. You could build a 'house' on sand or on stone. It could be a beautiful house and people will marvel, but for how long?





HI GUYS! My name is Vivian and I have been an LU student for 7 years but I’ve only been going to the LU Gym for the past couple of years. In the beginning, I did not know what I was doing at all until I discovered the group fitness classes, coached by experienced and certified instructors.

BOOTCAMP Boot Camp a high-intensity interval training (HIIT) workout incorporating bursts of intense activity alternated with intervals of lighter activity. Boot Camp combines strength and cardio exercises for a full-body burn. It will get your heart pumping, , but when working as a team, no one is left behind!

I’d like to share with you some of my favourite classes and encourage you all to try some out to find the best fit for you. These are the BEST fitness programmes in the world (50 classes per week, including LES MILLS world-class workouts) provided by the LU gym, that you can join for FREE, It’s all included in the student levy fee that you pay, so why not give them a go?!

NEED MORE INFO? Visit the Facebook Page @LURecCentre, or you could log in to your gym account though the gym master App and have a browse through the classes on offer. If you’re not sure, head to the gym and ask one of the friendly staff members, and they can book it for you.


LES MILLS BODYPUMP Using light to moderate weights with lots of repetition, BODYPUMP gives you a total body workout. It will burn up to 400 calories. Instructors will coach you through the scientifically-backed moves and techniques pumping out encouragement, motivation and great music – helping you achieve much more than on your own! You’ll leave the class feeling challenged and motivated, ready to come back for more.



LES MILLS THE TRIP THE TRIP is a fully immersive workout experience that combines a 40-minute multi-peak cycling workout with a journey through digitally created worlds. With its cinema-scale screen and sound system, this IMMERSIVE FITNESS workout takes motivation and energy output to the next level.

LES MILLS RPM With great music pumping and the group cycling as one, your instructor takes you on a journey of hill climbs, sprints and flat riding. In an RPM workout you repeatedly rotate the pedals to reach your cardio peak then ease back down, keeping pace with the pack to lift your personal performance and boost your cardio fitness.

RPM is a great way to build up your sense of personal achievement. You can draw on the group’s energy and find your rhythm in the music. You control your own resistance levels and speed so you can build up your fitness level over time. It’s a journey, not a race!

LES MILLS BODYBALANCE During BODYBALANCE an inspired soundtrack plays as you bend and stretch through a series of simple yoga moves and embrace elements of Tai Chi and Pilates. Breathing control is a part of all the exercises, and instructors will always provide options for those just getting started. You’ll strengthen your entire body and leave the class feeling calm and cantered.





33 33




March 21 – April 19

April 20 – May 20

May 21 – June 20

As an Aries, you love to take charge and do things your way. Impress your partner this month with the most confident move of all: Skip the foreplay, do just enough to satisfy yourself and leave. It’s a bold and sexy move that’s sure to leave your lover mystified.

You’re usually never the one to take the initiative when it comes to sex. But it’s not like you’re not waiting for them to make that move. Once they open the gate for you, it doesn’t take you long for you to sex it up. Damn, now you’re missing it, aren’t you? You love expressing your feelings physically and right now you have feelings in abundance. So what you really wanna do is have your bae over and do an all-nighter!

Don’t try to play confusing mind games with your lovers this month, Gemini. Instead, play actual mind games: There’s nothing hotter than a no-holds-barred game of strip poker.







June 21 – July 22

July 23 – August 22

August 23 – September 22

For you, good sex is an experience that fills up your senses, putting it in John Denver’s words. Your body thrives on the healing power of touch and without it, you feel like something’s missing. All you wanna do is canoodle with your bae before proceeding to try out wild sex positions because you’re 50% sweet, 50% hoe.

Show off your wild side in bed this month, Leo. Surprise your partner by punching them right in the face.

Put your analytic skills to use this month, Virgo, by creating a meticulously researched 200 page Powerpoint presentation on why your crush should hook up with you. Even if it doesn’t work, you’ve got a great piece of Microsoft Office experience to put on your LinkedIn page.

Scorpio October 23 – November 21

Libra September 23 – October 22

A good relationship is a team effort, Libra, and you’re no stranger to this. Take a break and let your partner put in all the work for a few months. You’ve earned it.

Being one of the most sexual zodiac signs, passionate sex helps you use that pent up energy towards something much more pleasant. So if you’re cohabiting with your partner, use your charm to let them know you mean business. Dim the lights, pour yourself a wine and go on and pleasure yourself. Partner or no partner, you need them orgasms to feel rejuvenated.

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21

You love that rush of adrenaline – be it travelling to different cities or different places in orgasmville. Unfortunately, both seem rather difficult now unless you’re living with a partner. You miss having wild nights out and drunk kissing hotties. Until then, you’re making sure your sexts are hotter than Jamie Dornan’s abs.

Aquarius January 20 – February 18

Capricorn December 22 – January 19

For the rest of the world, you’re a cool and composed human. You rarely indulge in PDA or talk about your sex life. But for your bae, you’re a kinkstar! Underneath that earthy neutrality is a sex god who is wild and needs crazy sex to feel satiated.

Sex is a physical and mental experience for you and you know what sensations make you feel weak in your knees and your vagina. And if we know one thing, you like the pleasure to keep flowin’. In this period, when you have time to yourself away from the external stressors of the world, you can’t help your mind from drifting away to seductive scenarios.

Pisces February 19 – March 20

When reality gets too discomforting, you often find yourself slipping into a world of fantasy filled with romance. In that world, you’re horny and making love all day long before having a glass of wine and falling asleep in each other’s arms. Until that can be real, you think about it all day while working and find yourself getting turned on intermittently! 35




How many words of three or more letters, including plurals, can you make from the six letters, using each letter only once? No foreign words or words beginning with a capital are allowed.

1. 2. 3.







4. 5.

6. 7. 8.

Unless you spread it, you can’t enjoy it. What is it? What’s long and hard and has the word ‘cum’ in it? What’s the white, sticky stuff most girls like, but instead of swallows, spits out? I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I? All men have one, some got long some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. You can’t taste it until you undress it. What is it? What goes in hard and comes out wet, squishy and sticky? You play with it at night and it vibrates in your hand. What is it?

Goals: Meh, Alright—3  Bloody Excellent—5   Outta This World—9

1. Butter 2. Cucumber 3. Toothpaste 4. An Arrow 5. His Last Name 6. A Banana 7. Chewing Gum 8. Your Cell phone


Your COVID-19 walk-through RAM |

Got any symptoms? Temporary loss of taste

Cough Sneezing & runny nose

Sore throat


Do the RAT

Where to get a test Get a test at a community testing centre. You can order a Rapid Antigen Test (RAT) online at requestrats.covid19.health.nz

• Follow the packet instructions. • Results will be visible 15 to 20 minutes after you complete your test.

Shortness of breath


No symptoms? Organise a test and isolate from the rest of your household.

Report your test result • Enter your positive RAT result at My COVID Record or call 0800 222 478. • A text message will be sent to you within 24 hours with further information and support.

Let people know Inform others your household has COVID-19 and is isolating, like regular visitors, your work, education provider or school.

Unless you are a household contact, you don’t need to get a test.

How to self-isolate

Positive result

Negative result

For most people, COVID-19 will cause mild to moderate symptoms that can be managed at home.

Enter your result at My COVID Record.

• You and everyone who lives with you will need to isolate for 7 days. • Take common-sense precautions to avoid any contact with those you live with. • Food and supplies must be delivered contactlessly. • You can exercise outside your home in your neighbourhood, but not at any shared exercise facility, such as a swimming pool or gym.

Stay vigilant. If you have symptoms stay home and test the next day.

Household contact • Household contacts will all need to be tested on day 3 and day 7. • If a household contact tests positive, they will need to re-start 7 days of self-isolation. • You don’t need to start your isolation time again if another housemate tests positive, as long as your final test is negative.

Monitor your symptoms Seek advice if symptoms get worse by calling Healthline on 0800 358 5453. If it’s an emergency call 111 immediately.

Extra support

Financial support

Most people can manage self-isolation with support from whānau and friends, but there is help available if you need it. Go to workandincome.govt.nz or call the COVID Welfare Line on 0800 512 337.

If you can’t work from home while you’re self-isolating, your employer may be able to apply for the Leave Support Scheme to help pay your wages or salary, even if you are a part-time or casual employee.

For more information about testing positive, head to: Covid19.govt.nz/positive 37

Punctuation matters.




, LUSA S 2022


studentsatlincoln lusa.nz






Issuu converts static files into: digital portfolios, online yearbooks, online catalogs, digital photo albums and more. Sign up and create your flipbook.