How Love Can Survive Prison Walls by LT Publishing

How Love Can Survive Prison Walls

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Prologue

When a friend or family member crosses the law and ends up in prison, dealing with that knowledge can sometimes be overwhelming. Remember who the person is, not the act commented. More often than not, the person you love is a good person who just got caught up in the wrong thing. Maybe it was drugs or alcohol or maybe they just chose to hang out with the wrong crowd. Whatever the reason, they made a bad choice and now they are living with that consequence every day. What we need to do is focus on the good aspects of that person. You don't have to be ashamed of them or turn your back on them just because of their bad decision. You also don't have to condone what they did just because you are accepting or forgiving them. You can still hate the act that they did while opening up your heart with love for them.

Table of Contents

How Love Can Survive Prison Walls Page 8 by Brooklyn Carter

18 Things to Say (and NOT to Say) if Your Man is in Jail Page 10 by JARED KENNEDY

6 Ways To Help You Cope With Prison Visits Page 17 by ELLY

5 Things To Help You Cope When Your Partner Is In Prison Page 18 by ELLY

Love Poems Page 19 by Chevonne Jessica Phelps Sherri Brown Marcella Myer Paula Harris

How Love Can Survive Prison Walls

Believe it or not, love can survive, even if your husband, boyfriend or lover is in prison. My husband and I are prime examples, and not only has our love survived, but it has grown stronger with each passing day...with each beat of our hearts. I like the saying, "we are 2 hearts that beat as one." My husband has been within the prison system for the past 23 months. We have been married for 4 years, of which 23 months we have been separated by prison walls. But we have proven that "love prevails," and not even prison walls can keep us apart! "How do you both do it?" you may ask. It is easy, and in this article, I hope to give you a few basic tips. First of all, it does help to be madly "in love" with each other! Then, the rest becomes easy! 1. Keep in close contact by the phone. As most prison wives know, prison calls are highly expensive. If you are able to, accept those collect calls. If you are not capable of it, keep in close contact through the mail. I send my husband letters, computer print-outs of articles and information he is interested in, newspaper clippings. I keep manila envelopes at home and throughout the week I slip things of interest into the envelope...Then I make at least one, if not more trips to the post office to mail letters and envelopes to him. At my post-office I am a wellknown face for the past 23 months! 2. Send him lots of cards for holidays, and other times. It helps me to not only think of him while looking for "that perfect card," but he enjoys receiving them, and often shows them to the fellow inmates. Remember that "mail-time' is a very important time of the day when in prison. Some guys never even receive mail...it is almost a game or competition with the guys as how much mail they receive....The inmates would always joke around with my husband that his wife was going to cause the mailroom to 'close,' as I was sending him so much mail. .....Valentine's day is a few days away...I have sent several cards to my husband, and he has sent me 7 cards!....if there are times he cannot buy cards, he makes his own, which are very special to me.

How Love Can Survive Prison Walls

3. Photos...I keep photos of my husband throughout the house...in the bedroom, living room, and kitchen...In the beginning I would go to the refrigerator and hug it, where his picture was...I would talk to his picture. I also carry a pix of the both of us, with our dog , on my keychain. When he first went to prison, I mailed him at least close to 100 pictures of us. He was able to put them in photo albums and he would happily show his pix to the other guys. And yes, my hubby would sleep with those photo books under his pillow, he missed me so much. 4. Share your thoughts, feelings, and emotions on the phone. Tell him if you are lonely...or even angry....it is ok to be honest. After all, your husband is in prison, and you are allowed to feel what you feel.....but most of all, tell him you "love him." ...a little "love talk" will get you through those lonely days and nights. 5. Daydream about your husband. Think about those past days with him, and think about how the future will be when he gets home. Yes, daydream, and at night dream...and imagine he is still there next to you at night...Think about each other, as much as you can! 6. Keep the household together while he is gone. Also, do something for yourself, to make you a better person...for example, take a college course, or go to adult school...get involved in church activities...join the choir!..do volunteer work, at the hospital or nursing home...try to put a little sunshine in the lives of others...try not to concentrate on the difficulties you are going through at this time... 7. Look forward to the future, and know that you are getting there, even though it is one step at a time. Be strong and positive that your love will survive......For us, it is easy, because, "we love each other very much...and that is simply that...prison or not"!

18 Things to Say (and NOT to Say) if Your Man is in Jail

Ladies, let me first explain that in jail, they call the phone “the stress box.” Plus, there are usually only a few phones per 30-plus men. This is certainly not the time to broadcast your dirty laundry, as all phone calls are recorded and could be used against him. Your primary focus should be getting the Man of your Dreams (MOYD) out of that environment and back home safely. So I recommend that if you are a praying couple, that you pray before you make or accept the call–or even better, pray together before you start the conversation. Trust me; you will need it, because there is an overwhelming amount of stress in such a situation, and there are things you cannot see that can add a ton more. Below, from some of the toughest men you’ll ever meet, are 18 things NOT TO say to the MOYD in jail: 1.

“Baby, I am lonely.” Telling the MOYD you‟re lonely when he is locked up helplessly in a jail cell will only make him feel insecure. He‟ll worry whether or not you will be faithful to him, or even if you‟ll be there when he gets out. Not a good feeling.

“I am going out to a party tonight with my girlfriends.” Once again, it shows that your life is moving on without him and will make him feel insecure.

“My girlfriend said she heard…” When a man is at the lowest and most humiliating point in his life, this is not the time to bring up the “he said/she said” drama. His frustrations could carry over to some unexpecting inmate, which could lead to a fight, riot and people getting killed. It‟s really that serious.

“My girlfriends and I are at home getting drunk.” Not a good scenario. Getting drunk often leads to other unwarranted behavior that will create negative images and insecurities in your man‟s mind.

“We need to talk.” This often signals bad news, or even that you are ready to break up.

“I am pregnant.” This could be great news, unless it‟s by another man. Eek!

18 Things to Say (and NOT to Say) if Your Man is in Jail

7. “I am moving out of state with your child.” This is the ultimate slap in the face to a father who loves his children.

8. “What if you get life in prison?” Stay away from negative thinking. Remember, with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). It would be better to pray privately to God about those types of questions regarding the MOYD. I heard testimony from a man who was facing life and got three years. Because of his faith in God, he would not accept a life sentence, because he knew that God is true to his word. His promises are our armor (Psalms 91:4). I also heard another testimony where a man got double life and was released. All things are possible through God. 9. “I ran into this girl today and she said something about you…” Once again, this is not the time to air dirty laundry. Your man‟s mental, spiritual and physical safety is at stake, so temporarily put your pride to the side. 10. Any unnecessary drama. There is nothing more embarrassing than having an argument with your girl while 31-plus other inmates are watching you. 11. “The bail is too high.” Self-explanatory. There is no need to go into a long, drawn-out conversations about the bills and get both him and you upset. 12. “I just got a Facebook message from my ex.” Your man doesn‟t want to hear about your ex contacting you while he is sitting in jail. 13. “I cannot make it to your court date.” Going into a courtroom as a defendant is one of the scariest moments in anyone‟s life, especially when your freedom is on the line. The unknown can be pretty scary. This is the time he needs your support the most, and for you to say you will not be able to make it will be a huge letdown for his spirit. He needs to keep his spirit high at all times to get the most positive results. 14. “Baby, I have no time to write you a letter.” A man in jail doesn‟t want to hear that you cannot take a few minutes to write and send him some photos.

18 Things to Say (and NOT to Say) if Your Man is in Jail

15. “You are taking my kindness for weakness.” Now is not the time for self-pity, but empathy and understanding.

16. Venting past frustrations. Please just try to place yourself in his shoes and only discuss what is pertinent to his health and well-being. 17. Putting him down when he already feels low. Jail is one of the most dehumanizing experiences a human will ever go through, so trust that it is not necessary for you to make him feel any lower. 18. “Honey, I cannot get the restraining order removed.” If your man is no longer a threat, you should remove the restraining order so that it does not become a hindrance or violation in the future, especially if you live together.

Tell yourself, it is not the end of the world! This is just a time of discovering who I am and becoming a better person for myself, my husband and my family…

His commissary; I buy that His heart; I hold that His back; I got that His wife; I am that My role; I play that Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re happy; They hate that

18 Things to Say (and NOT to Say) if Your Man is in Jail

Below, are 18 things TO say to the MOYD in jail: • “Baby, I miss you and love you.” What man does not want to hear such kind words? Even King Kong was a sucker for a word of affection. • Anything that comes from your heart. Your man wants to hear what‟s inside you. • “Baby I‟ve got your back, and I am here for you no matter what.” Every man wants to know his woman is down for him when he is going through one of the toughest times of his life. Hearing you speak those words will keep his spirits high in the clouds. • “We can win this battle.” Words of encouragement will keep his spirits high, and having the right attitude is everything and can often make the difference in the outcome. • “Baby, I will be over to visit you.” A visit in jail from you is often the highlight of his day and reinforces that you care about him, love him and that you will be waiting for him when he gets out. The act reinforces your spoken word • “It doesn‟t matter how long it takes to get you out of jail; I will be there for you.” It may seem like an unrealistic statement in our modern world, but it is the glue of what real relationships are made of and reinforces your commitment to the long haul. • “Baby, I forgive you.” Forgiving another person for the mistakes he has made is huge. In jail, a man has a lot of time to reflect on his past mistakes, and to hear you say “I forgive you” is a huge burden lifted off his shoulders. • “Baby, I will bring the kids to see you.” To a father who cherishes his children, seeing them will bring the joy of God to his heart and give him a big reason to make it through his current trials (1 Peter 4:12, James 1:2-4).

18 Things to Say (and NOT to Say) if Your Man is in Jail

 “I put money on the phone and on your books.” A man in jail is helpless without your assistance. When you have nothing, a quarter is worth $1 and $5 is worth $10. Putting money on his books so that he can buy some coffee, soup or even soap is a tremendous help. Putting money on the phone, or accepting a phone call and just allowing your man to speak to someone he loves, is tremendous when he is in hell. This is the time you can really show the MOYD that you are the Woman of his Dreams.  “I am praying for you.” Calling on God or Yahweh is the greatest compliment you can give a man who believes in God. It is your petition to God that will bring him through this trial. This is how God tests your faith as well (Psalms 27).  “I have everything under control and the kids are okay.” A good father and provider will be concerned about you and the kids‟ well-being, and for him to hear that you have everything under control is a big relief.  “The kids miss you.” Hearing that the kids miss him makes him feel like he did something right in his life.  “Baby, I sent you some photos of me and the children.” Once again, your participation makes him feel like you are standing strong with him and reinforces that he did choose the right woman (Proverbs 31).  “Things are tough but I know God will provide.” This reassures him that your faith and trust in God, although faced with adversity, is solid.  “I show your picture to our baby(ies) everyday.” It is a simple gesture that shows the MOYD how much you love him. What an honor!  “I know God has something positive for us to learn from this experience. God would not give us a burden too heavy to bear.” This positive affirmation reinforces your faith that God has already worked out a positive solution.

18 Things to Say (and NOT to Say) if Your Man is in Jail

 “Baby, I sent you a letter.” Your man in jail loves to receive correspondence and photos from you. It shows that you are thinking about him and matches your actions with your words.

 “Baby, I cannot wait till you get home.” Self-explanatory. Now that I have given you a little insight into the mind of your man in jail, the next time he calls, lift his spirits up to the sky and watch your love and appreciation for each other grow.

There‟s no reason to let yourself go! Get out and get moving. You owe it to yourself and your family!

6 Ways To Help You Cope With Prison Visits

I‟m not going to sit here and write how it may feel to you when you visit your husband because each of us are different and process things differently. But, what I am going to share with you are ways to cope with visiting…  Once you're familiar with the routine, you can prepare yourself better for it. Imagine a protective 'veil' around you  Remind yourself that in an hour or two you'll have 'survived' again and can focus on problem solving in your daily life  Arrange to see someone you trust immediately afterwards  Talk to someone from the voluntary support agency in your country  Use a breathing technique to calm and 'ground' yourself. Focus on a long slow outbreath and the movement of your abdomen as you breathe calmly in and out. Notice any thoughts, but let them go as you focus again on your breathing. Keep doing that. Practice at home - you'll become better and better at that the more you practice.  Bring with you a tissue with a few drops of a lovely calming essential oil. Use one you're unlikely to come across once you no longer need to go through this whole drama (in other words - NOT lavender!)

5 Things To Help You Cope When Your Partner Is In Prison

Here are some strategies to get you started • Self-hypnosis will most definitely help you - have a look at some Hypnosis Downloads to make it easy on yourself • Decide who you can trust - and promise me you'll remember that you are not the guilty one. If you don't - you could end up lying, forgetting who you've lied to and what you've actually told them. People will know that something is terribly wrong anyway and make up their own reasons for it • You need a sense of normality. So, choose the activities you most enjoy and continue with those • Start a new hobby to keep active. You can join a new group where people don't know you • Join a meditation, yoga or Tai Chi class if at all possible to help lower your stress levels.

Just remember eventually this separation of time too will pass.

Love Poems

My Dearest Love I see you in my thoughts and dreams, When I awake, how real it seems. You aren't here to comfort me, But, soon I hope you will be. No one truly knows or understands, You have my heart in your hands. My love is what you truly own, Come soon and make our house a home. Inside those walls you are doing your time, Not being here with me is your only true crime. Others in your life will come and go, But my love is true, and I'm sure you know. I may not be rich or the prettiest one, But I love you so much, you are my sun. You light up my life every time you call, When the time is up I begin to fall. You are my stars, you are my moon, Being with you will come very soon. So when you sleep, take this to heart, No one or nothing will keep us apart. by Sherri Brown

Love Poems

You There‟s something in your voice that makes it all alright, Something in your smile that gets me through the night. A comfort in your grin that helps my day pass by. A twinkle in your eyes that lights my darkened sky. Your posture says “don‟t worry” and your laugh, it says “I care”. That kiss you blow when we say goodbye that says “I‟m always there”. It‟s all these things about you I couldn„t live without. It‟s you that makes me happy, it‟s you without a doubt. by Jessica Phelps

Love Poems

Three Little Words If I say the words I miss you.... Does it just become a meaningless phrase? or does it have sentimental values that last for more then just a few days. Do your knees go weak when the words have been said, the goose bumps, the chills, none you regret Who could imagine that 3 little words Could have such an effect and make you feel like love birds Well I will admit and I will agree That the words "I miss you" means a whole lot to me And right now I want everybody to know I miss my sweetie, and I'm never letting go... by Chevonne

Love Poems

Be With You Each day I spent without you makes me miss you so very much Each night I dream about you I long to feel your touch If I could just see your face or kiss your gentle lips If I could only hear your voice All these little things I miss So I just want you to know There's nothing I wouldn't do If I could just once again Be With You by Marcella Myer

Love Poems

Missing You Let me tell you about a game I play Where I close my eye's and fade away I float away to a special place Beyond the star's and moon and space In this special place you see There are only two people, Just you and me In this place, All is right Nothing but love, And we never fight In this place, There is no sadness No cell's, No court's, None of that madness No bar's to hold us or separate No one to tell us we can't kiss or touch I don't just tell you I love you, I show you how much But eventually the game must end My eye's must open, And reality set's in But someday soon, I'm not sure when I will close my eye's and play my game again by Paula Harris