Being Single: The Great Opportunity
Encouragement for Single Christians
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One day you‘ll wake up and realize why God kept you single for so long and smile -- Laraine Turner
Prologue God has called many of His people to singleness, even if only for a portion of their lives, but few understand the great honor it is to serve the Lord in this way. Marriage is blessed and ordained by God, but the single life is just as valid and allows people to commit all of their energy to serving Him. Unmarried Christians have an incredible opportunity to impact this world with the Gospel as we have seen over and over throughout history
Contents Chapter One Page 9
Being Single: A Great Opportunity Chapter Two Page 13
Sexual Purity Chapter Three Page 31
9 Lies About Being Single Chapter Four Page 39
Single and Content
Contents Chapter Five Page 44
Handling the Pressures of Being Single Chapter Six Page 51
Encouraging Words for the Single Christian Chapter Seven Page 54
Prayers for the Single Christian Chapter Eight Page 65
Acknowledgements
“Single is not a status. It is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.�
Chapter 1 Being Single: A Great Opportunity As a single Christian, we should eagerly embrace this unique opportunity God has given us to form our singleness to be more like Him. More like Christ! Your singleness is a perfect opportunity to pursue Christ with your whole heart! You are primed and ready! You have no excuses; nothing is holding you back from getting to know the love of your life better in the realm of Christ God has placed each of us here for a purpose and we should be eagerly seeking to not only know, but to be actively engaged in that purpose for our lives. If you do not know your purpose, ask God Don‘t become stagnant in your singleness, grow and evolve into the child of God you are designed and destined to be!
Being a single Christian we should not settle in our current state, but EVOLVE! • Evolve in your knowledge of Christ • Evolve in your knowledge of God’s Word • Evolve in your knowledge of You One of the most important opportunities to being a single Christian is the ‗Opportunity to Serve Others‘ There really is nothing more fulfilling than serving others. In fact, it is the secret to living. Being single, you have a great opportunity to serve God and the best way to serve God is by serving others. Jesus said He did not come to be served, but to serve (Matthew 20:28), so follow Christ, our example and get busy
“With God, you are capable of existing as a whole person without anyone else’s help”
―Who God places you with will draw you closer to Him, not closer to sin‖
Chapter 2 Sexual Purity by Pure Hart
Many single Christians prefer to avoid the topic of sexual purity because they are bound by guilt about past sins, or because they do not want to deal with current sexual temptations and sin in their lives. But God takes purity very seriously - and so must we. The Lord loves us so much that He gave us commandments and principles to live by so that we can be protected from the ravages of sin. If we desire God's blessings in our lives, we must obey Him. No matter what you have done or what bondages you may have allowed into your life, you can be forgiven, healed, and set free through the blood of Jesus. He conquered death and sin for us and we became new creatures when we accepted Him as our Lord and Savior. All Christians can live their lives free from the bondage of sin and there are many things we can do to avoid falling into the traps the world sets.
Sexual sin ranging from lustful thinking to perverted behavior is rampant in the world today. Even a quick sampling of television, magazines, the Internet, movies, advertising, and music can drown a person in sexually explicit material that is meant to cause arousal and appeal to the flesh. Biblical values such as celibacy in the single life, virginity until marriage, and faithfulness during marriage are considered ridiculous and old fashioned - even to some Christians. How can a Christian walk in purity when temptation seems to be around every corner? First we must remember that God created sex to be a beautiful expression of love between a man and a woman who are joined in marriage. Since sexual activity can result in the creation of a precious, eternal, human soul, it is obviously very important and valuable; therefore, Satan does his best to pervert it.
In order to deal with this issue properly we need to start by exposing the lies and excuses Satan uses to deceive people in this area. This is imperative because once we believe one of his lies, we have taken the first step on a path that will lead to heartbreak and regret.
The following list is probably not exhaustive, but it does include the majority of lies the devil uses to deceive unmarried Christians. It would take too much time and space to deal with each lie thoroughly, but let's try to examine them quickly from a biblical perspective. Please be sure to study the Bible verses noted after each section. 1. "I have gone too far to come back now." - We can never go beyond the reach of God's grace and forgiveness when we repent and turn from our wicked ways. He promises that when we repent, the Blood of Jesus washes us white as snow. If we do not believe that we must believe that Jesus died on the cross for nothing and His Blood is not powerful enough to cleanse us. As Christians, we always have the opportunity to face our sin, repent, and start over when we fall. (See Ephesians 1:7, Colossians 1:13,14, Isaiah 55:7,8, Titus 3:3-7, James 4:7-10, 1 John 1:9, 1 John 2:12, Romans 8:1-2, Romans 12:1,2). 2. "It's just too hard to follow God's commands. No one is perfect." - God Almighty is not foolish or cruel. He is wise and loving. He would not give us commands and principles
to live by if they were impossible to follow. When we allow ourselves to believe that it is too hard to walk in God's Ways we deny the power of the Holy Spirit who is with us always to convict, comfort, and empower us to walk an upright life. If we love God, our hearts will not be satisfied unless we obey Him. God's principles for our lives are given for our protection because the painful consequences of sin are far more difficult to bear. In reality, following God's commands is not difficult - we are not missing out on anything. In fact, living a godly life causes us to have a more powerful and intimate walk with Christ, makes us a brighter witness to the unsaved, and brings great blessings and promises. (See Philippians 4:13, Psalm 1:1-6, Psalm 19:7-11, Psalm 111:710, Psalm 112:1, Psalm 119, Proverbs 3:1-8). 3. "I cannot stop the thoughts that come into my head." - The mind and the thought realm are probably the most important areas of our lives because what we think about has a powerful influence on what we do and who we become. The most basic thing we can do to maintain purity is guard our hearts and minds. Lustful thoughts and images are often the
first weapons Satan uses in the battle for our minds. Philippians 4:8 says "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - think about such things." Through Christ we receive a renewed mind and this verse makes it clear that we can control our thoughts. We do not have to accept and dwell on every thought or image that drops into our heads. As soon as an improper thought is allowed to linger, we enter the danger zone that can lead to sinful behavior. Philippians 4:8 provides high standards for anything that can affect our thinking such as what we read, look at, imagine, discuss and listen to. Some of us may feel that our minds are seriously damaged due to past sin but nothing is beyond the healing and cleansing power of the Holy Spirit. When we seek God through prayer, worship, and meditation on His Word and then fill our minds with righteous thoughts from anointed preaching, teaching, and Christian music, we will gain the strength and discipline we need in order to bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. (See Romans 12:2, 1 Peter 1:13-19, Psalm 19:14, Colossians 3:1-3, Romans 8:5-8).
―It is never God‘s intention to hurt you
He has plans for your life that are far beyond your imagination‖ -- Laraine Turner
4. "Everyone is doing it so what's the difference?" - The difference is Jesus. If you call yourself a Christian then you have decided that you want to follow the ways of God - not the sinful ways of this world. The only person we should be influenced by is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is our example and the standard we should measure our lives by. When you stand face to face with the One who was sinless yet died on a cross for you, will you be able to tell Him that you trampled on His love and mercy because everyone else was doing it? God's people are called to walk in holiness and come out from among those who walk in the ways of this world. You are not responsible for the behavior of other people, even when they are Christians, but you will answer for yours. The devil often feeds us the idea that everyone is doing it because it can make us feel discouraged and alone. When we feel like we are the only ones left following God, self-pity can set in and make us more likely to yield to temptation. Whenever I feel this way I am encouraged by reading about Elijah in 1 Kings 19:1-18 because he was so discouraged that he wanted to die. He believed that he was the only one left following
God until the Lord set him straight and sent him on his way. God always has many people serving Him and walking in righteousness but sometimes we feel alone because He spreads us out so we can influence the entire world. We are not supposed to be dragged down by those who follow the ways of this world, we are supposed to be lights and witnesses wherever we go so that we cause them to follow Jesus and His Word! Walking the path of righteousness and purity is not always easy but it is the ONLY way for any Christian who seeks to obey God and receive His blessings and rewards both now and for eternity. (See 1 Corinthians 6:9-20, Ephesians 4:22-24, Romans 12:2, Psalm 1:1-6, Proverbs 2: 6-8, Galatians 6:7-9, Proverbs 3:1-8, Proverbs 12:26, Hebrews 11:6, 2 Timothy 4:7,8, James 1:12). 5. "We are getting married anyway." - Great!! Then surely you must want to build your marriage on a foundation of obedience to the Lord and respect for one another. If you are a Christian and you love your spouse-to-be, you must want the best for him or her and following God's commands is always the best. A healthy Christian marriage consists of two people who are committed to obedience to Christ above all.
God cannot bless sin so if you choose to build your marriage on sin rather than on obedience to Christ, you will reap the consequences of that sin rather than enjoy the blessings of God. Many people become engaged multiple times before they actually marry so if you believe the lie that sex is okay between two Christians who are engaged then you must believe that it is acceptable to fornicate with each new fiancĂŠ. Obviously, that is not in the plan of God for your life. In God's eyes, sexual intercourse is a privilege belonging only to a man and a woman who have committed their lives to one another in marriage. They share their bodies because they have first vowed before God to permanently share their lives, hearts, and spirits. This is not something to take lightly. If abstinence is a problem for you because your spouse-to-be is not a Christian, you should seriously reconsider your decision to marry that person. The Bible is clear on the point that Christians should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (see II Corinthians 6:14-18). If you are a committed Christian, you will have to choose between Jesus
and your spouse at some point because the two will eventually clash. It is better to choose Jesus now because the decision will be far more excruciating if you marry. (See II Corinthians 6:14-18, Hebrews 13:4, Romans 6:11-23, Galatians 5:13-25, Galatians 6:7-9, I Thessalonians 4:1-7, I Corinthians 9-20). 6. "What goes on between two consenting adults is their business." - As Christian adults we are not free to behave in a sinful manner no matter who consents to it. This lie implies that once we reach adulthood we have the freedom to do whatever we want regardless of what God thinks. But the opposite is true because some of the indicators of maturity and adulthood are that we are able to be responsible, consider the consequences of our behavior, exercise self-control, and use wisdom. Sexual sin may bring temporary satisfaction to the flesh, but at what price? Which adult problem would you be willing to trade for it - unwanted pregnancy? sexually transmitted diseases? AIDS and the probability of death? the heartbreak and humiliation of another broken relationship devoid of the blessings that obedience to God brings? This world places tremendous pressure on Christian adults to
exercise their "rights" and yield to sexual sin. But if we do, it it not this world that bears the loss of a close and blessed relationship with Jesus that results from such sin - it is us. As Christian adults let's commit to yielding our rights, freedoms and desires to Christ instead, and our awesome God will reward our obedience both now and when we stand in His presence for all eternity. (See James 1:12, Romans 6:22-23, I Corinthians 6:12-20). 7. "God gave me these drives and desires so it must be okay to satisfy them." - God did create human beings with sex drives, and men and women do naturally attract one another; however, that does not mean we are free to behave sinfully in order to satisfy every drive and appetite of our flesh. In God's eyes, there is only one place that sex is appropriate and that is between a man and a woman who are bound to one another in marriage - period. In our bodies (which includes our minds, emotions, feelings, etc.) we can feel fifty different ways about the same thing all in one day. But we are not helpless animals who must yield to every thought and feeling and desire, we are human beings
who are made in God's image and we have a will. Imagine what the world would be like if everyone acted on every thought, feeling, and desire they experienced - we would have absolute chaos. For example, if someone wrongs you in some way, you may experience a moment of hot anger in which you have a naturally strong desire to punch that person in the nose. But, as a wise and intelligent person, you control your desire because you realize that the consequences of that act would be harmful for any number of reasons. This principle of expressing and/or controlling our natural desires and drives also applies to sex. The desire for intimacy is certainly not sinful in itself, but for an unmarried Christian, it is an area where we must exercise the fruit of self-control and yield to the Lord's will. I Thessalonians 4:3-5 says: "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God..." That verse is about as clear as it could be regarding God's will. We just have to decide if we will walk in the ways of Christ who understands our struggles because
He faced the same temptations, or in the ways of this world that constantly pressures us to disobey Him. The Bible tells us that the price Jesus paid for our salvation and the grace God provided for our sins through the sacrifice of His Son, are more than enough reasons for us to present our bodies as living sacrifices to God. This is not too hard (no matter what the devil whispers in your ear) because the Holy Spirit lives within us and we know that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. (See Romans 13:11-14, I Corinthians 6:13-20, Romans 12:1-2, Romans 6:11-14, I Thessalonians 4:1-8, James 1:12). 8. "I love and need the person I am involved with so much that I could never leave this relationship even though I know that what I am doing is not pleasing to God." - It never ceases to amaze me how often God's people are willing to settle into sin rather than seek the highest fulfillment available to them in God. Why do we so often run to this world for the weak and miserable substitutes it offers us instead of accepting the perfect love and wisdom available to us through God's will?
―Being single through the eyes of God is more important than what others may think of you‖ -- Laraine Turner
It is heartbreaking to watch unmarried Christians fall into the trap of looking for love in improper relationships because the consequences of their actions are so devastating. If you are a Christian, participating in a relationship built on sin will never bring you the love and satisfaction you desire, no matter how happy you think you are now. If you love Jesus and He is Lord of your life, He must also be Lord of your relationships. We cannot submit to Him only in the areas of our lives that we choose. If you have been living with or sleeping with someone out of wedlock, or even if you are heading down that path by dating an unbeliever, I am sure you have felt the gentle tug of His love and the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Jesus loves us so much that He calls us back to Himself even when we reject Him and look for fulfillment in everyone and everything but Him. The only way to end a sinful relationship is to repent, recommit yourself to walk in righteousness, and either break the connection completely or marry. Breaking the connection may sound harsh but the Bible tells us to flee sexual immorality and fleeing does not involve making excuses or staying. If the person you are involved with is an unbeliever,
you should break the connection entirely. When you begin this process, the devil may try to fill you with a fear of being alone but you are not alone because Jesus promised that He will never leave you or forsake you. His love and healing touch will more than fill any void left in your life.
Remember that Jesus is the only person who can give you complete fulfillment. Knowing Him is what makes you whole and that goes for everyone - whether married or single. But if you commit your life to Him and walk in obedience, He will bless you with wonderful relationships built on godly principles that will nourish and strengthen you all the days of your life. (See I Corinthians 6:13-20, II Corinthians 6:14-18, Colossians 2:9-10, Galatians 6:7-9). 9. "I would love to be married so my sexual needs could be met properly, but since God has not given me a mate yet, I cannot believe that He would allow me to suffer and be deprived in this area.―-It is amazing how far we will go to justify the sinful choices we make. This excuse basically tells the Lord God Almighty that He is not moving fast enough to provide a mate for us so we are forced to
fornicate until He obeys our command. Ridiculous. If this is an excuse that you use then it is really time for you to deal with the fact that God does not owe you anything. But you do owe Him your life, your love, your faith, and your obedience. Did it ever occur to you that maybe marriage is not God's will for your life? (Have you ever prayed for HIS will?) Maybe the Lord knows that you need to mature in Him and develop the fruit of the Spirit in your life before you would be able to handle marriage, or maybe it is not His timing because He has jobs for you to accomplish in His kingdom that require you to be free from the responsibilities of married life until they are completed. There are many possible reasons why God has not answered that particular prayer for you, but convincing yourself that it is okay to commit sexual sin until you receive what you want is certainly not the answer. If you are an unmarried Christian, living a life of sexual purity does not deprive you of anything except reaping the consequences of sexual sin. But it does bring many blessings and true peace and joy. Even if you feel desperately lonely
for a mate you must submit your will and desires to God and ask Him for His perfect will to be done. Sometimes God uses the pain and unfulfilled areas in our lives to draw us closer to Him and give us the compassion and understanding we need to minister to others. Often, the things we want and think we need are not necessarily things that will bring us happiness, and as any loving father would do, God may say "no" for our sakes even when we do not understand why. We need to trust His infinite love and wisdom because He promises to give us the desires of our hearts. We just need to make sure that we desire Christ and His will above anyone and anything else. (See Psalm 37:4-5, Psalm 5:11-12, Psalm 32:8-11, Psalm 37:35, Psalm 119:1-7, 9-16, 97-105, Proverbs 3:5-7, I Thessalonians 4:1-7, Galatians 6:7-9, Jeremiah 29:11-13). 10. "I just can't stop." - The devil is very good at convincing human beings that they can never change but that is true only as long as we believe that lie. As soon as we realize that through Jesus Christ we can do all things, the lie no longer has power over us and neither do the bondages and sins that accompany it. This lie is most often believed by people who struggle with lust,
pornography, addictive sexual relationships, and deviant sexual behavior. Assuming you are a Christian, the first step in dealing with each of these sins is to repent and recommit yourself to sexual purity. The second step is to flee from the thing, situation, or person that is tempting you. The third step is to guard your heart and mind by being very careful about what you view, hear, and think about(review the teaching on lie/excuse #3 above). The fourth step is to find a strong Christian (of the same sex as you) who you can trust to pray for you, encourage you, and hold you accountable for your behavior. The fifth step, which is important for people with serious emotional and mental bondages, is to seek counseling from a godly Pastor and/or psychologist who can help you deal with the issues that caused you to seek satisfaction in these sinful ways. This type of professional counseling is sometimes needed to help you rebuild your life when it has been ravaged by sexual sin. As you go through this process, remember that you are healed, cleansed, and set free through the Blood of the Lamb. Trust in Him and ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen and empower you as you forsake the sins of the past. You are a new creature in Christ and He will bless you and enable you to walk the path of
purity. (See Ephesians 2:1-10, 1 Corinthians 10:1-13, James 4:1-10, Romans 8:1-13, 1 Corinthians 6:13-20).
―Give your heart to God and you‘ll never have to experience it being broken‖ -- Laraine Turner
―It is God‘s will to give you the desires of your heart. All He asks is that you wait on Him and trust Him‖ -- Laraine Turner
Chapter 3 9 Lies About Being Single by Emma Thornett
This is a plea to my dear Christian brothers and sisters who are single. Don‘t stop trusting God. Endure through your sadness. Don‘t let Satan get to you with his subtle lies, which come from all directions. Don‘t find yourself believing them without even realizing it Lie 1: You’re single because you’re… You can finish the sentence yourself. Satan may be telling you that you are not pretty or handsome enough. You‘re not marriage material. You‘re fat, too skinny, too tall or too short. Whatever the ending of this sentence may be that he has placed in your mind, remember this one important fact: God is more powerful than any social force or trend. The fact is that ultimately I‘m single because God is in control of everything. He is sovereign. Likewise, those who are married are married because God is sovereign. Those who are widowed are
widowed because God is sovereign. God is more powerful than our social situations, our looks, our personalities, and our insecurities Lie 2: God is not powerful enough to find you a husband The older we get, the easier it is to believe this lie (which is closely related to the first). When we were younger, thinner and less cynical, it was easy to imagine that God would send us a mate. Who wouldn‘t love us? But the longer we remain unchosen (and that‘s certainly how it feels), the easier it is to think that God‘s power can‘t reach this part of our life But we need to remember that in fact we are not unchosen. God himself has chosen us. And at the risk of stating the obvious, God created the universe just by speaking (Genesis 1); He caused Pharaoh to let the Israelites go (Exodus 12); He raised Jesus Christ from the dead (Luke 24); God can do all these acts, we should be confident He can find us a mate easily.
Lie 3: You’re single because God does not love you Most of us know this can‘t really be true. We know that God is love (1 John 4:8). We know he sent his own Son to die on the cross for the sins of sinful people (John 3:16). We know all that. But have we stopped believing it? Our world is decaying because of sin, and there is sickness, tragedy and sadness everywhere. We have all kinds of reasons to doubt God‘s love for us if the only thing we have to go on is what we can see around us And if we cannot see God‘s love on the cross, why do you think you will see it in another person, especially a sinful person? What happened on the cross is a much bigger and better demonstration of God‘s love than providing us with a mate Lie 4: Because no-one has married you, you have no value
“I’m single because God is writing the best love story for me”
A number of single Christians genuinely think they have nothing to offer. They think the fact that no one has chosen them for a mate is a reflection on them, and that it means they can‘t possibly have any value Someone marrying you will not make you valuable. Doing things for other people will not make you valuable. You cannot be made valuable, because you already are valuable. You are valuable because God Almighty Himself tenderly created you—in His own image, no less! You were valuable the minute God wrote your days in his book (Ps 139:13-16), and nothing that happens to you in this life can change that Lie 5: Getting married will fix all your problems There is actually no guarantee that marriage will fix loneliness. We must not fall into the trap of thinking that marriage will fix all our problems. It won‘t. Lie 6: You’ve got to find The One
Satan has blinded us with this lie. You hear the term ‗Soul-Mate‘ spoken in Hollywood and because of this many people seek to find theirs While it is true that God knows whether we will marry and whom we will marry, there is absolutely no way that we can know. Unless God himself gives us a name or hands us a photograph, we simply cannot know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether we‘ve found the ‗right‘ person. All we can do is pray Lie 7: A single person has no family As children of God, we are part of a massive family. The challenge for all of us, in our individualistic culture, is to act like it Lie 8: It’s better to marry a non-Christian than stay single for life If you are tempted to seek solace with a nonChristian, please don‘t. Don‘t even flirt with the idea
Don‘t get into a situation where you will get emotionally involved and find it hard to think straight. Determine that you won‘t give in to this temptation— even, or especially, if you don‘t feel the temptation right now—and stick to your guns
Lie 9: It’s too hard to be single and you can’t keep on going We each have our struggles, even if they aren‘t as ‗bad‘ as someone else‘s. The grief of singleness is real and valid, and it comes from a very normal and healthy desire to be married. What we need is God, and the perspective that comes from reading his word It is not too hard to be single—even for life. You can keep going, because God has given you everything you need. Don‘t let Satan convince you otherwise
“God has a plan for me and I’m going to embrace it and enjoy it every day of my life”
Chapter 4 Single and Content by Anthony Andrews
The first step to being content in your "singleness" is understanding God's place in all of it. It is apparent that the promiscuity in today's society can't be God's will. You all know the promiscuity I'm talking about - it stems from the following lifestyle: You (a trendy young student) go out with Bob and have a sexual relationship with him for about six years till one fine day you realize that Bob is not Mr. right(eous). He actually has an annoying twitch, or he has very un-subtle body odor. So you drop Bob until someone else comes along - Ben (who is far better than Bob because he has those wonderful eyes and he pays a lot more attention to you than Bob ever did.) And so the vicious Bob vs. Ben cycle is perpetuated. Now honestly, where is the faith in this lifestyle, where is the submission to God's will? I ask you people, where is the love? We can appreciate that the dating game doesn't correlate with the life God wants us to live. It is obvious that this lifestyle prepares us more for divorce than it prepares us for marriage. It conditions us to discard things that no longer coincide with our hedonistic
whims. True contentment in Christ means being satisfied with your relationship with the Almighty. It means cultivating a bond with God that will guide you when you do find someone who would put up with your dentureless mouth. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." God is not saying that you should never be married, you just need to take the time to enrich your relationship with your "first love" first before you presume to want to please anyone else.
We must shy away from the mentality that "if I can just get a boyfriend/girlfriend I will be complete and happy." This is the impetus that sends people into abusive relationship after abusive relationship. That hole that we try to fill with meaningless relationships is always going to be a God shaped hole. The "Mr. Right Now" we settle for brings his own baggage into the relationship and only contorts your relationship with God. These relationships are typically draining for both parties because they set high unattainable standards. We cannot expect any one person to complete us in
every sense because, as the Bible explains in Colossians 2:10, "in Him (Christ) you have been made complete." The loneliness you feel before marriage will, without God, only be amplified after marriage because loneliness is not something you can beat simply by being in more people's company. We can be lonely in a crowd on one hand and also completely content by ourselves on the other hand. Contentment also flows from the knowledge that God is in control and that he arranges these things IN HIS TIME. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says everything under the sun has its season and being anxious neither enhances one's love for God nor for a potential spouse. We must understand that God's purpose for us is not some abstract event in the future but it is something that God wants us to be doing NOW! If the season for you to be single is now then that is what God wants you to do - now! And let's face it, being married is not always a life filled with Survivor, freedom from denture stress and adorable grandchildren. There are many problems that come along with the shiny wedding band and the joint banking account.
Ask any married couple and they will tell you that it is no bed of roses all the time. There are disagreements, anxieties, extended responsibilities and many, many more issues. You need not rush into this decision just for the sake of not being alone because you, as a Christian, are not validated by your partner, rather by your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. As Christians we must also accept the fact that not everyone is meant to get married. Jesus says in Mathew 19:10-12, "There are those who have been born incapable of marriage and those who have been made so by men; and there are those who have made themselves incapable of marriage for the Kingdom of heaven.'' God has admirable callings for those outside of marriage, too. Jesus was celibate, as were Elijah and Paul because they were engulfed by the spirit and the work of the Lord. The stigma we have placed on "singleness" is man-made but "singleness" has its place in God's Kingdom. Again, this does not mean that we should all remain single. Paul also says in his first letter to the Corinthians (chapter 7:9), "But if they have not self-control (restraint of their passions), they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame (with passions and tortured
continually with ungratified desire).―
So I agree with the wise man in one regard. We should try to desire less. But the Bible says we must not only flee from sexual immorality but also pursue righteousness. As we endeavour to be content in our singleness and in Christ we are not just gritting our teeth and enduring it. No, we are actively seeking and serving the Kingdom of God while waiting for the love that lasts!
―There is a peace in knowing that when I think I am alone, God reminds me He is always near‖ -- Laraine Turner
Chapter 5 Handling the Pressures of Being Single by Grantley Morris
Single Christians face a particular challenge in today‘s world that focuses on beauty, perfection, quality of life, attainment of wealth and social status etc. These pressures are particularly acute for Christians but we all know them and respond to them in different ways You have no reason to think that your trial in being single is something to be feared or despised. God understands the pressures of being single; remember He lived among us as a single man and had endured many pressures of this life One of the most challenging aspects of being a single Christian is the pressure of sex. This is one of Satan‘s most used weapons against us, but the good news is this: ‘No Weapon Formed Against Us Shall Prosper’
However, people are struggling with this pressure. We are faced with this challenge on our jobs, at the supermarket, even at church. It‘s a normal human feeling, but how do we handle these feelings? Step #1 - Understanding what God’s will is, acknowledge your weakness to do what God says. Scripture has a lot to say about sex. Here are some verses that speak to God‘s will in terms of controlling our sexual desires, thoughts and actions: 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 – ―For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his (or her) own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.‖ 1 Timothy 5:2 – ―Treat . . . older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity.‖ And this would apply to women treating men this way as well – as fathers and brothers in all purity.
Matthew 5:28 – ―I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.‖ Again this would apply to women looking at men in this way. So, understanding God‘s will on the issue of self-control, we need to humble ourselves and be totally honest about where we are not measuring up. Are you lustfully looking at others? Are you allowing yourself to engage in mental fantasies? Are you viewing pornography? Are you involved in masturbation? Are you sexting? The first step to overcoming is humbly and honestly acknowledging your weaknesses and failures. Pride will keep you in your sin. Pride will kill your life with God. But if we humble ourselves and confess our sins, God can help us. Step #2 - Remain alert in prayer for testing and temptation in this area. Since you know you‘re weak, and you know that Satan
seeks to test you; to tempt you and pressure you to sin, you need to be alert! The danger of sin and judgment looms here So look to God for help. And specifically ask God to keep you from testing and times of temptation. Satan asks God for permission to test us. And so we need to be praying, ―lead us not into testing, but deliver us from the evil one,‖ as Jesus taught us in the Lord‘s prayer. ―God I am weak, please don’t let the evil one test me, so that I fail. Protect me from the assaults of Satan, and from circumstances that would pressure me to sin – images that come up on my computer – and people who will encourage me or entice me to give in to temptation.‖ Be alert and pray. And then, even if God allows you to be tested, because He knows you can handle it and He wants you to grow in character and godliness, you will recognize what is going on and be ready for it.
Step #3 - in a time of testing– Keep your mind focused on God’s truth. We all, from time to time, have inappropriate sexual thoughts that come to mind. And these thoughts can fuel our sexual desire. What‘s important is that we not entertain them. If you do have inappropriate sexual thoughts, use the name of Jesus to rebuke wrong thoughts. Satan will often put these in our minds to tempt us, or he will tell us that it‘s alright to indulge in our own sexual thoughts with all kinds of rationalizations and justifications to give in. And he often does this through other people, and in general through the influence of ―the world.‖ So we need to rebuke Satan, so that he has to leave. The name of Jesus is powerful. In Luke 10:17 the disciples said, ―Lord, even the demons are subject to us in your name!‖ All the powers of evil have to yield to the name of Jesus. When we become aware of inappropriate thoughts say, ―Depart from me in the
name of Jesus!‖ Step #4 - in a time testing - Receive strength from the Spirit to control your sexual desires. Even if we control our thoughts we will still struggle at times with sexual desires. As Jesus said, ―the flesh is weak‖ – Mark 14:38. Our fleshly desires often seek to find expression in unrighteous ways. But Jesus also said, ―the Spirit is willing‖ – Mark 14:38. The Spirit, who lives within us, can strengthen our desires for righteousness so that they are stronger than the desires of our flesh. As Paul said in Galatians 5:16, ―walk by the Spirit (the power or strength of the Spirit) and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.‖ So when you are struggling with sexual desires, call out to God in prayer for strength from the Spirit to do what is right.
―God knows exactly what you need and who you need. All you have to do is trust Him‖ -- Laraine Turner
“Lord, there is so much we can do together, just you and me. Let’s change the world!” -- Laraine Turner
Chapter 6 Encouraging Words for the Single Christian by Pure Hart
God has called many of His people to singleness, even if only for a portion of their lives, but few understand the great honor it is to serve the Lord in this way. Marriage is blessed and ordained by God, but the single life is just as valid and allows people to commit all of their energy to serving Him. Unmarried Christians have an incredible opportunity to impact this world with the Gospel as we have seen over and over throughout history Many singles make the mistake of putting their lives on hold until they marry and "get a real life." This idea is detrimental to unmarried Christians and the Church. If every Christian single dedicated himself or herself to the Lord, lived life fully, recognized their extraordinary value, and used all of their talents and opportunities to serve, there would be almost no need left in churches and ministries, and the entire world could be reached with the
Gospel of Jesus Christ! Singles need to stop believing the "I am missing something" lie and accept the call to obey and serve God with their whole heart, mind, and strength. Marriage may or may not be a part of God's plan for you so it is time to live the life you have now and trust God for the rest. The Church as a whole needs to do a better job of recognizing and appreciating the rich resources God has provided through the lives of single believers. Often, church programs and ministries focus almost entirely on the family which can leave singles feeling ignored, unimportant, and unwanted. God can work through all believers who walk in obedience to him - married or single - so churches should do their best to include people in all stages of their lives in ministries and activities. Christians need to remember that marriage does not make a person whole, only accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior brings wholeness. Sadly though, many Christian singles feel pressured, even from other Christians, to seek a mate rather than to seek the will of God for their lives.
This pressure often causes confusion for the person who is called by God to the single life, and that confusion sometimes leads to wrong decisions. Christians can be called to singleness permanently or temporarily but in either case, we must dedicate our lives to serving the Lord and walking in obedience to Him - regardless of our marital state.
―Your greatest weapon against loneliness is to embrace God‘s word‖ -- Laraine Turner
Chapter 7 Prayers for the Single Christian by Tanika Chambers
Father in the name of Jesus Christ, I come boldly before Your throne of grace confessing Your Word over my life as a single Christian. I pray that You would help me to live a Godly life as a single Christian - a life that is holy, sanctified and set aside for the Master's use, and prepared for Your good work. I confess Your word, that as a single Christian, my life is crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live; yet it's not I that live, but it's Christ that lives in and through me; and the life which I now live in the flesh as a single Christian, I live it by faith, power and strength of the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me Amen
Father, help me to not allow the devil to conform my mind to see the single Christian life as one that is boring, incomplete or unfulfilling I pray that through Christ Jesus, You help me to see my life as joyous, exciting and fully complete I pray that You would fill every empty and lonely place of my heart with excitement in You and Your work. And may You always be the center of my joy, as You strengthen and renew my heart in You each and every day.
Amen
Father, I pray that while I am single, may You be the One to whom I am married. Lord, when I get lonely, may You, through the Holy Spirit, be the One who comforts my heart. May You be unto me as a close friend that sticks closer than any brother. When I need someone to talk to, may I also find comfort, as well as pleasure in talking to You. And as I talk to You, may You speak continually back to my heart, and may You be my daily companion who keeps me company, as You walk with me each and everyday. Amen
―God has perfect timing; never early, never late
It takes a little patience and faith, but it‘s worth the wait‖ -- Moonlight Path
Chapter 8 Acknowledgements Articles inspired by the following Pure Hart Anthony Andrews Emma Thornett Tanika Chambers Grantley Morris Quotes and photos inspired by the following
Laraine Turner Bible Quotes Christian Dating Moonlight Path Carden
‗Walking with Jesus‘ Articles from various writers to inspire and encourage Reserve your ‘Free’ copy today at www.blessedmagazine.org