Love You Issue 2 by loveyousydney

LOVE YOU

002 - APRIL 2019

DEALS IN HEELS our Women in Business Mentoring Program WORK LIKE A WOMAN not like a man

WHY DO WE LIE to the ones we love? WHAT WOMEN WANT in a Man TRUST YOUR INTUITION It is the most incredible resource ever! ARE YOU CREDIT FIT? check out our 6 step plan PRE-TOX SDL the SDL 2 week mini detox

LOVE YOUR DIVORCE and create a life you love FIVE STEPS to win in finance and business

Love from Paula

WELCOME

HELLO LADIES New Year, new direction

ometimes in life things don’t always work out the way you planned but if you are patient enough you realise they actually work out for the better. Last year I personally achieved many amazing things but for me I thought it wasn’t enough. I was focusing on all the hard stuff instead of opening my eyes to look at the great things that had happened. It took some hard lessons for me to really take a long hard look in the mirror. To understand that sometimes things don’t go to plan or are maybe a bit harder than you thought or may take longer than you hoped. Luckily for me I have the most loving, smart, honest, sometimes too honest partner who after many many talks finally convinced me to look at a different perspective. He probably has a slightly different way of telling this story but let’s stick with mine. So if I think back over the last year things have gone pretty darn well. Since starting Love You I have met the most incredible

women. Amazing women just kept coming into my life, smart, successful, funny, talented and loyal women. With every new relationship I made something very valuable was added to my life. All the amazing women I bumped into became part of the Love You community and added so much to my life and my business. So while I was working hard at trying to grow our community, host events and networking I realized it just happened, naturally. When you put yourself out there, good things happen. Great people come into your life and new opportunities open up for you. Sometimes we are in such a rush to get to our destination we forget to enjoy the journey! That was me running at full speed trying to prove to myself I could make it. When it was pointed out to me I was shocked! That’s when I sat back and thought about last year and was able to look at everything I had achieved instead of everything I hadn’t. Just a slight change to

the way I thought but such an incredible change to me. So I am so excited to start this year, focused on all the great things we are doing. I spoke in my last article about women supporting each other, working together and how amazing things would happen. When I wrote that I’m not truly sure I understood how powerful that really can be. I had to experience it to really understand it so now I can honestly say support each other, encourage each other, celebrate each other and incredible things will happen. So for all you women out there who feel like things are not moving take a breath, take a look at what you have achieved, listen to others who congratulate you and keep going, one step at a time!

Paula

IN THIS ISSUE

01 04

HELLO LADIES

New year, new direction

WORK LIKE A WOMAN not like a man

LOVE YOUR DIVORCE the perfect opportunity to create the life you love

5 STEPS TO WIN

to the ones we love?

JESSADA’S STORY Surviving cancer at 17

READY TO BRING CONTROL and long term security into your life

PRE-TOX The SDL 2 week mini detox

ALCOHOL USE In young people

WHAT WOMEN WANT In a man

TRUST YOUR INTUITION It is the most incredible resource ever

DEALS IN HEELS Mentoring Program Masterclass Series Business Planing Day Business Acceleration Program

ARE YOU CREDIT FIT? A six step plan to ensure you are credit fit.

BEAUTIFUL MINDS Banter

in finance and business

WHY DO WE LIE

YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A childrens picture book

THRIVING THROUGH CANCER What exercise gave me

OPEN ABOUT MY UTERUS In a male-dominated industry

Q&A With Jess Jakovljevic

LIFESTYLE

WORK LIKE A WOMAN NOT LIKE A MAN. By Annette Lackovic, Founder of Herpreneur Group & Sales International Pty Ltd www.annettelackovic.com

esearch by the Australian Bureau of Statistics shows women make up just over a third of all business operators (34% or 668,670 women), a 46% increase over the past two decades. Plus, many continue to have the constant juggle of being a mum, running the household along with the daily pressures of bringing revenue into their business. Census data also showed that “Plenty of female business owners are dealing with ‘the juggle’, with 33% in couple families with children under 15 years of age, and another 3.9% juggling both work and family roles in sole parent households.” Business women are more time poor and stressed than ever before. From past surveys carried out on my own community from 4500 business women, health, wellness and fitness was ranked of highest importance to them, though they don’t have strategies to keep doing the balancing act, so it ends up coming last in priorities. Hence why stress, burnout, anxiety and depression is becoming the new epidemic

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for business women. We are women trying to succeed in a mans business structure. Now before you think I’m about to hate on men, that’s far from the truth. What I’m really saying is we are putting the pressure on ourselves to run our business the same way men have done for hundreds of years. While we have continued to be the CEO of the household. Meaning the running of the home, organising the food, do 80% more cleaning around the home than the male of the house, ensuring the bills are paid, she controls 83% of the household spending …and the list goes on. No wonder we forget many days to put the frozen meat out to defrost for dinner! Now obviously there are some exceptions to the rule. Even though the goal posts have changed, we haven’t. We need to remember that women have only come into the workforce in droves over the last 60 years as employees

and as business women, this has only significantly increase the last 20 years. These days we are now holding the pressure of not just being the CEO of the home, but also running a business. And the biggest pressure that comes along with this is are we bringing money in? No wonder burn out and anxiety has been on the rise in women. My question for you is how can you design your perfect work day? Is it working less hours, delegating more to people in the household or at work, is it scheduling your gym or yoga class in the middle of the day? Remember your business is a representation of yourself, so why can’t your exercise regime be part of your work day? Before I had my son I would exercise at 7am in the morning and be at my desk ready to work at 9am. Though when I had my son this routine didn’t work for me. Trying to feed a baby, pump milk, feel average from a poor nights sleep and busting my guts trying to get to my desk at 9am as I

had clients booked in…heck I definitely had no time to fit in a power-walk. My old routine didn’t work for me. It took me 6 months of this craziness and then it hit me. “Why do I need to be at my desk at 9am?” Whose rules are they? If I run my own business and I control my own diary why am I trying to fit into this 9-5 concept if it doesn’t serve me? So a new rule was created in that moment. I start work at 10am. I realised I needed that extra hour for me, to get my exercise in so i can turn up better, happier more fulfilled as a business owner. I started rescheduling my clients and from now on all my bookings started at 10am. This one small significant change was like a godsend for me. My biggest gift and message to all the business women out there trying to do the juggle and feeling like you are on the edge of burn out, is this one question. “If you could reengineer your workday how would it look?”

3:30pm, plus if there is extra work that needs to be done I do it on Saturday mornings as my husband is with our son doing some tasks and I have the space to really connect with my work and know household chores are also being done as three people live in my house. Working shorter hours has me being so much more productive too, as I know I have only a certain amount of hours, so my time management of only doing the highest priority tasks actually gets done not to mention those tasks are the ones that normally bring in the most revenue for my business. It’s a win:win. The sliding doors moment for me is that 4 years ago my anxiety was through the roof and I continually suffered from adrenal burn out by trying to work in someone else’s business model. To now being the happiest version of myself and weighing 15kg lighter, simply from creating a structure that works for me as a business women.

These days my son is at school, so I choose to work 10amLOVE YOU MAGAZINE

divorce is the F A M I LY

perfect opportunity to create a

life you love!

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LOVE YOUR DIVORCE In Australia one-third of all marriages end in divorce, which means that just under 100,000 people each will face the end of a significant relationship and the separation statistics are even higher in de facto relationships. By Pamela Cominos, Principal of Cominos Family Lawyers www.cominosfamilylawyers.com.au

e know that breakups, separation and divorce happen all around us and if we personally haven’t experienced divorce, then we will inevitably know someone who has. Regardless of divorce being a common occurrence, it seems that as a society, we continue to shun and shame those who haven’t been able to make their ‘marriages last’. We continue to hear people say that they ‘failed’ when their marriage ended or that their ex-partners were ‘selfish’ and ‘didn’t try hard enough’ or ‘do enough’ to make the relationship last the distance. It seems better to ‘put up with’ ‘deal with’ or ‘tolerate’ an unhealthy or even abusive relationship no matter what it costs our emotional, psychological and physical selves. It doesn’t seem to matter that we are hurting or that our work and health suffers or that our children

grow up confused in the pain of unhappy relationships. It’s time to challenge the negative language of failure that surrounds divorce. It’s time to recognise and embrace another view, where divorce is seen as an opportunity to learn, grow and become better versions of ourselves. Where the experience of divorce can make us kinder, more loving, respectful and conscious of how we choose to live our lives. Choosing to love your divorce, (whether this was something that you knew was coming or happened out of the blue), is the only way to re-affirm and love YOU. Resisting or denying or refusing to accept that your marriage or relationship has taken another direction is simply perpetuating the suffering. You certainly can involve yourself in the stress, drama and ‘story-making’ of what went wrong and look to blame or seek revenge, but this gives you no peace or freedom. It’s only when you love and

wholeheartedly and earnestly embrace any adversity in your life, including divorce, that you get to reclaim your power and self-love. Until then, you will remain stuck in your own suffering. Nothing or noone will change just because you’re unhappy or desperately hoping the other person will understand you - they won’t. No matter whether you divorced or separated yesterday or a decade ago – if you haven’t already opened your arms and unconditionally chosen to accept what happened, then I invite you to choose this today. I know it’s unfair and I know that you’re a good person and you tried your best – but living in fear or bitterness or disappointment – simply won’t give you an enriching or happy life - this is the life you were born to live, honour it today!

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FINANCE

Five Steps

TO WIN IN FINANCE & BUSINESS

By Sonia Gibson, Founder of Accounting Heart www.accountingheart.com.au

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t seems that hardly a week goes by without there being something in the media about the super gender gap and women still not earning equal pay for equal work. That coupled with women generally taking breaks from working or working part time to care for children or elderly parents means that our financial future is anything but certain. With this in mind we need to be super savvy in the way that we handle our finances. Whether you are working for someone else, have your own business or are in charge of the household budget we all have one goal in common and that is to have enough money to make ends meet and enough left over to live the lifestyle we desire. Sounds simple, right? Then why does getting in control of our finances feel like we are trying

to get control of a run-away train? Once conversations around money start to open up there is immediate discomfort (and this can just be from the conversations in our own heads). The discomfort can come from many places; it may be fear, panic, overwhelm and shame, all leading to our heads being so filled with worry that it stops us from getting a good night’s sleep. What does it take to live a life of certainty, knowing that your financial freedom is assured? A life that is comfortable, carefree and where you control your finances and they don’t control you. Here are my 5 steps to win in finance and business so that you can live the life you truly deserve.

dominant choices when pitted against each other. Once you become conscious of your values you can begin to take back control of your life. You will know the source of not only internal conflicts but conflicts with others. We have all heard the statistic that one of the most common things couples argue over is money. The reasons are: 1. we value money differently 2. we all value what should be done with it differently

Own it. Owning your financial situation can be the most challenging. It is confronting when all you can see is a pile of bills and debt in front of you or it may be easy to have someone else like a partner or business partner look after your finances because you are just not that interested. In my 20 plus years as an accountant I have rarely seen either strategy end well. Until you can step up, acknowledge, take responsibility and own your financial situation you will not be able to move forward. It is up to you to take the necessary action that is going to change your financial future, it can’t be delegated.

accountant, financial planner/ insurance broker, mortgage broker and lawyer. What is important here is that you find one advisor, from those listed, who is your trusted advisor. They will then introduce and co-ordinate the other advisors if and when needed. Don’t be afraid to interview a short list of candidates for your trusted advisor. You need to make sure that you are working with someone who understands you and who you feel comfortable with. A trusted advisor is someone who will take the time to get to know you and won’t judge your situation or degree of financial literacy. They will ask you challenging questions, keep you accountable and on track to meet your goals, but most of all you will feel safe to ask them questions.

Know you. Your journey to financial freedom starts with knowing what is really important to you. This can be tough as you need to block out what you think should be important which is very much influenced by the people around you. This is purely about you, without self judgement. What is important to you is driven by your values. While you may not necessarily be conscious of your values, they provide the framework for the way you live your life. They influence your decisions, your behaviour, your goals and your interactions with others. There are many very worthy and noble values to choose from which all sound like a great way to live your life, however I would suggest that there are only 3 or 4 that are

3 4

Take stock The purpose of taking stock is to understand what you own and what you owe. Whether you have a little or a lot you need to know exactly where you stand financially. This will form the basis for steps 4 and 5 when you work with a trusted advisor to develop your plan. Seek help. Getting started on your financial freedom journey will very likely be overwhelming, so I would encourage you to seek the help of a qualified professional. Financial discussions cross over into a number of different areas, so it may not be just one advisor that you need, but a team. It may be that you will need an

Work to a plan. You may have heard the saying “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” Your plan will be your road map taking you from where you are now to where you want to be. Your trusted advisor will be instrumental in helping you to develop and implement your plan. Once you have your plan it is critical that you check back in with your trusted advisor to make sure you are still on track. Like any long journey, you may know your start and end points however it is certain that you will encounter road blocks and detours along the way. While there may be changes to your plans, you will remain confident, in control and won’t be completely derailed. What it means to win in finance and business will be different for everyone, however Henry David Thoreau beautifully sums up what it is to be wealthy in his quote “wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” My wish is for everyone to fully experience life and to therefore know true wealth.

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Support Young People Impacted by Cancer Every day, 63 young people aged 12-25 are affected by cancer, whether it’s a close family members’ diagnosis or their own, and they need your help to navigate through their cancer experience. CanTeen provides vital practical and emotional support tailored specifically to their individual needs – including counselling, connecting with other young people at camps and through our online support service. We help them feel like they’re in a safe space to talk about family, careers and relationships. Your support of CanTeen is an investment in helping each young person affected by cancer build coping and resilience skills that last a lifetime.

Donate now www.canteen.org.au/donate

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Jessada’s Story Jessada (left, middle) was diagnosed with blood cancer in 2014. He was constantly tired all the time, losing weight, and when he felt a lump on his stomach, he knew deep down it was cancer. “Getting cancer at 17 changed everything. My friends and my focus on school faded into the background so I could focus on my health, and I remember not feeling the support I really needed at that time. “I’ll never forget going on my first three-day CanTeen camp. The social worker at the hospital said I should try it out, and I’ll never forget listening to a 13-year-old tell his story one night and feeling inspired and empowered by it. “I’ve made so many friends whose mums and dads have cancer, or whose brother or sister has passed away, and it makes me realise we’re all human and can connect to each other regardless of our cancer experience. “That’s why I’m giving back through my job as a nurse. My dream is to make a great change in the healthcare community and to work in palliative care.”

About CanTeen

CanTeen is the only organisation in Australia that is dedicated to providing tailored support for young people aged 12-25 who are affected by cancer. CanTeen helps young people cope with the immense challenges of either their own cancer, a close family member’s diagnosis or the death of a loved one, as well as conducting world-class psychosocial research with the ultimate goal of transforming the lives of young people affected by cancer. Treatment and support Every day, another 63 young people are impacted by a cancer diagnosis, whether it’s their own or a close family member’s. Through CanTeen, they learn to explore and deal with their feelings about cancer and connect with other young people in the same boat. For those who have been diagnosed with cancer, CanTeen provides access to specialist, youth-specific treatment teams through Youth Cancer Services (YCS). CanTeen continues to grow the number of young people they support through a wide range of treatment and support services in hospitals, online, at schools and in the community. Research, evaluation and social policy CanTeen undertakes leading edge research and evaluation into the emotional and social impacts of cancer. This gives CanTeen insight into the unique needs of young people living with cancer and allows them to cater to every individual’s situation regardless of whether they’re a patient, sibling, offspring, bereaved or parent. Leadership Since CanTeen began in 1985, youth leadership has been central to CanTeen. It is articulated in strategic and operational plans and is a core part of CanTeen’s culture. The development programs, roles and experiences empower young people to take up leadership now and in the future both within CanTeen and beyond. Youth leadership inspires staff and ensures CanTeen is highly accountable, relevant and effective.

How you can help

The majority of funds raised by CanTeen comes from individual supporters. These generous donations allow CanTeen to provide services that cater specifically to each young person’s need – whether that’s online connection with peers, specialist treatment through Youth Cancer Services, or how to make meaning out of losing a loved one at a Good Grief program. It’s important to know the kind of impact donations to CanTeen will have on young people whose lives are impacted by cancer. By supporting CanTeen, you are helping young people just like Jessada receive the support they need when cancer comes into their life. Visit www.canteen.org.au to find out more.

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FINANCE

ARE YOU CREDIT FIT? Credit in Australia is changing due to the Banking Royal Commission, changes to lending practices and the introduction of Comprehensive Credit Reporting. It is more important than ever to know how credit fit you are before applying for a home loan, personal loan, or anything credit related

By Carla Richardson, Principal at Wyze Finance www.wyzefinance.com.au

f you have you ever completed a half or full marathon, you would know that you had to prepare for the event months in advance. You would have a fitness plan leading up to the event so that you knew you could complete the marathon within a certain time frame. Obtaining a home loan also requires preparation and planning, particularly if it is your first home purchase. Below is your six step plan to ensure you are credit fit. 1. Understand your credit score Comprehensive Credit reporting (also known as Positive Credit Reporting) came into force on 1st July 2018. Previously, your credit report information included credit enquiries (loan and credit applications) and payment defaults, insolvencies, bankruptcies and debt agreements. Now, your credit report also includes: •The type and credit limit of accounts you have open; •Dates the accounts were opened and closed;

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• Current limit on each account; and • Up to 24 months of repayment history, including when you make your payments on time and when you’re late. • This applies to home loans, car loans, credit cards and personal loans. From September 2018, the big four banks must share at least 50% of their customers comprehensive credit information. They will be required to share the full 100% of information by September 2019. It isn’t compulsory for other banks and lenders to share; however, it is expected that they will start sharing comprehensive credit information as well. This data is used to calculate your credit score. Your credit score is used by most lenders to assist in determining if they will approve or decline a loan for you. It is important that you take control of your credit file by checking what is on there and knowing what your score is. To find out where to access your credit file and credit score visit creditsmart.org.au.

2. The absolute must! To gain and maintain your credit fitness you must make sure your repayments are always made on time. This will assist in ensuring a healthy credit score. 3. Know your living expenses Lenders don’t just look at how much you earn to determine how much they will lend you. They must also consider all your expenses. These include all other loan repayments, credit card repayments and your day to day living expenses. In the past lenders had generally made estimations about your living expenses,

they now want documented proof of spending. This is done by closely scrutinising your expenses and confirming them against your bank and credit card statements. This level of scrutiny has increased over the past six months and obtaining approval for a loan is much more difficult than in previous years. 4. Be credit fit before applying for a loan Lenders will want to see your bank statements for up to six months. It is important that you avoid unnecessary discretionary spending and big purchases in the six months

leading up to applying for home loan. Consider this as training leading up to the purchase of your home. If you can’t reign in your spending over a six-month period, then how are you going to afford the home loan repayments over 30 years? Also make sure your credit score is good. If you have a low credit score you may find it difficult to get a loan or you could be charged a higher interest rate. See creditsmart.org.au for tips on improving your credit score. This also applies if you are looking to refinance your existing home loan. LOVE YOU MAGAZINE

FINANCE By Carla Richardson, Principal at Wyze Finance

5. Obtain a pre-approval A pre-approval will confirm that you are eligible for a home loan up to a certain amount. You need to submit a full loan application and the lender will check your financial circumstances and decide if you meet their lending criteria and can afford to repay the loan. The lender will look very closely at your savings and spending habits, check your credit history and credit score to determine if you are the type of customer they will lend money to. The pre-approval will last between three to six months. This will give you time to confidently look for the property you wish to purchase.

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6. Ask an expert for help If this seems overwhelming, don’t panic as a finance broker can assist you in becoming credit fit. A finance broker will review your personal and financial situation and set a plan for you to become credit fit. Once you are credit fit or you’re already at that stage, a finance broker can research suitable products on the market, and then support you through the loan application and settlement process. They can save you time and money by managing the home loan process for you.

Carla Richardson, founder of Wyze Finance, is a Finance Broker with over 20 years’ experience in lending. Carla is passionate about finding the right lending solutions for her clients to obtain their financial dreams.

This article provides general information only and has been prepared without taking into account your objectives, financial situation or needs. We recommend that you consider whether it is appropriate for your circumstances and your full financial situation will need to be reviewed prior to acceptance of any offer or product. It does not constitute legal, tax or financial advice and you should always seek professional advice in relation to your individual circumstances. All loan applications are subject to lenders terms and conditions, and eligibility criteria. Lender fees and charges will apply. Credit Representative Number 491649 is authorised under Australian Credit Licence Number 389328.

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FINANCE

re you one of the smart ones who are going to take advantage of Sydney’s current “buyer’s market?” It may feel counter intuitive to buy against the flow but it can bring awesome results. As Warren Beatty Says, “I buy when people are selling and sell when people are buying”. And he knows a thing or two about investments! But, buy the wrong property and it can become a headache inducing money pit. So, before you step into the market, let’s make sure you buy the right property, that’ll transform your long-term wealth. Having bought umpteen investment properties for myself and clients, I can spot a good one at a hundred paces and here are my 8-insider tips to get you that “cracker” every time: Tip 1: Buy in the Median Price Range Just like there are tens if not hundreds of property markets

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within Sydney there are many median price ranges so you MUST find out where the suburb you’re interested in sits. Why? 1. Pay way over the median and you’ll be left dependant on wealthy tenants or wealthy buyers if you decide to sell again and there are far fewer of those than your “average Jo”. 2. Pay too far under the median price and you may be stuck with a sub standard property that’ll be hard to sell in the future and will attract inferior tenants. Remember, like attracts like and grotty attracts grotty. If you have a large budget, think about splitting it. It’s often better to have two properties in the most competitive price range than one glamorous abode that fewer people will be able to afford to buy or rent. The higher the price tag, the less buyers and tenants there are.

Tip 2: The Right Spot - Blue Chip Suburbs With A Vibrant Heart If you can afford it, established “blue chip” suburbs, close to the CBD or at least an easy commute usually attract young, cashed up professionals. The exciting beaches of the Eastern Suburbs; like Surry Hills or Paddington; the stunning Lower North Shore and the vibrant cafe society of the Inner West. If your budget doesn’t stretch to blue chip then follow the train line until you find a suburb that you can afford that has a vibrant heart and is hopefully about to “pop”. Look out for suburbs that few people have heard of such as Hurlston Park. It’s only one train stop on from the thriving and now, super expensive, Marrickville but a million miles away. It has beautiful parks, peace and quiet, beautiful streets and is much more affordable. Tip 3: The Right Tenant To go with blue chip locations, you need blue chip tenants. As I said, grotty attracts grotty

READY TO BRING CONTROL AND LONG TERM SECURITY INTO YOUR LIFE? LET’S GO! By Elaine Davies, Founder & Principal Buyer’s Agent, New Road Property www.newroadproperty.com and young professionals, earning a good wage who aren’t ready to forfeit lifestyle for mortgage are the ideal market – cash is king for them! Keep in mind that they work hard and want to come home to a nice place that has bars, cafes, restaurants and transport at their doorsteps.

building more one and three bedroom apartments now, their predecessors focused on 2-bed units meaning there is much less supply of one and three bed units.

Follow this strategy and you’re far more likely to get 100% occupancy rate.

Tip 5: Parking Yes, there’s public transport but the reality is, many Sydneysiders like to drive and park in their building. If your budget stretches to it, parking will always attract more tenancy applications, which can make or break finding a tenant in a cooler rental market.

Tip 4: Two Bedroom Apartment It all comes down to economics and good old household budget. One person paying $600 p/w for a one bedroom apartment stretches their budget far more than two people splitting $800 p/w between them. Food for thought - Sydney’s demographic is changing. Families are now happy to live in 3-bedroom apartments and with divorce hitting one out of two couples, people living on their own, looking for a 1-bed apartment, are also on the rise. Also, while developers are

Tip: Know your area, who lives there and how do they want to live.

Tip 6: Small blocks Small blocks are more manageable, more intimate and often have more street appeal. However, the really important thing about a small block is lower quarterly strata levies – why pay for your tenants’ pool, gym and other expensive facilities?

Tip 7: Older Blocks With older or second-hand blocks you tend to know what you’re getting. Whatever is going to go wrong has gone wrong making them a more honest buy. There’s also more potential to add that much coveted by renovating – maybe even the whole block through rendering, adding new balconies, updating driveways etc. If the strata committee agree. Tip 8: Renovating Anything can be rented out for a right price, but to who? Again, a grotty apartment won’t attract those blue chip tenants but renovate and watch the competition to sign the lease intensify. In short, a good renovation will bring more capital gain and growth and attract a better tenant.

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H E A LT H

PRE-TOX

THE SDL 2 WEEK MINI DETOX By Sarah Di Lorenzo, Founder SDL Method www.sdlmethod.com

always love looking at statistics, especially when it comes to nutrition. Did you know that on average each Australian puts on between 0.8 - 1.5k’g every Christmas and never takes it off. This is how slowly we put weight on with out really realising it. The Festive season really is a time where the year is winding up, we start to feel the holiday mode and let our hair down a bit with food and alcohol. Here in lies the inspiration for the post Christmas detox or a big list of New Year Resolutions. So why not kick start your health with a ‘Pre Tox’ and not be that statistic. A PreTox really is a mini detox, it is not a detox in the traditional sense where you take herbs, and definitely not a fast or juicing cleanse. Really my detox is about reducing toxic burden and increasing our toxic resistance. It is important to know that our bodies are in a constant state of detox through our liver, colon and kidneys. The SDL Two Week Mini Detox more of a holistic detox, a time

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for you. It is all about removing unhealthy foods from the diet, but it goes a little further than that. I like to think of it as a break from life, a time to reassess, pause and re group with the great benefits of energy, weight loss and clear mind. The dietary principles of the SDL Two Week Mini Detox are whole foods, organic, plant based, gluten and dairy free with low saturated fats. The whole food diet is to eliminate processed or packaged foods that tend to be high in various chemicals such as additives, preservatives, artificial sweeteners and artificial flavours. I like people to go that step further with removing gluten and dairy regardless of an intolerance really because gluten and dairy are common allergens that may cause inflammation. Organic again just follows the cleanliness of the detox to limit exposure to herbicide and pesticides residues. Plant based encourages liberal amounts of fresh and raw greens, fresh

vegetables, fruits, spices, legumes, nuts, seeds with a moderate amount of whole grains. The menu on my detox is all about whole foods. Protein is to be had with each meal but the proteins are to be white: eggs, fish, poultry, tempeh, tofu and turkey. Red meat and cold cuts are off the menu because of the nitrates that may be harmful to us. At least 2 pieces of fruit a day, 5 - 7 serves of vegetables, snacking on nuts and the addition to meals of beans, whole grains and legumes. For the two weeks we are avoiding coffee, alcohol, tea, soft drinks, energy drinks and of course all processed sugar

foods or as I like to say “food like substances”. Just think nothing out of packets or tins. Other really important elements to the detox are exercise and sleep. Exercise is essential at 4- 5 sessions per week. Sleep is to be at 7 - 8 hours a night. An interesting study showed that people who have 5 - 6 hours sleep a night eat 385 more calories per day.

avoid toxins. I encourage to clear the social calendar, read books, go for walks, limit social media, go to the art gallery, movies and be kind to yourself. The benefits are fantastic, you really will start the festive 2-3 kg lighter, a clearer mind set and lots more energy.

The cooking methods are to be slow not fast, so braise, sauté, poach, steam or stew. Avoid frying, grilling, BBQ, toasting and stir frying. You can take the detox further by cleaning out your cosmetics As well as using home made cleaning products to really

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H E A LT H

Alcohol use IN YOUNG PEOPLE

By Dr Michael Atherton, MBChB, MRCPsych (UK), FRANZCP cert Addiction Psych

hen is it OK for young people to drink? This is a question that all parents will confront at some point in their lives and one that is almost too complex to answer. Do we rely on the scientific data, our own experience, our cultural background or simply the reality of our kids environment. Is the Mediterranean approach of early introduction to low dose alcohol in controlled, normalized situations the right way and will it really produce sensible appreciation of alcohol or is prohibition and delay in access to alcohol till as late as possible the best method?. Lets look at the figures. In 2010 only about 0.1% of 12-17 year olds in Australian reported consuming alcohol daily and 5.1% weekly. In the preceding 12

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months around 38% of this age group had consumed at least 1 standard serve of alcohol. By 18-19 years of age these figures read 1.2% daily and 38.6% weekly. One can assume from this that legalization of alcohol and the associated availability of alcohol that comes with this is in part accountable for a 12 fold increase in daily drinking and a 7 fold increase in weekly drinking!(1) So what? Alcohol is clearly a toxic chemical and in large quantities, over time, can cause a range of health concerns. Rates of cirrhosis are increasing year on year and the age of presentation is falling in most countries. It is also associated with much higher rates of accidental injury and the association

with driving impairment, especially in young people, is well established. There is also increasing data to suggest that alcohol has a specific impact on the adolescent brain which is undergoing huge changes during this period as it prunes the vast number of interconnecting neurons down into the network which will make up our adult brain. Even low doses of alcohol in animal experiments have shown lasting brain impairment and alcohol use in young people is associated with increased head injuries, impulsive behavior and self harm.(2) Not our kids! How do you know? Young people are much more likely to binge drink and this mostly occurs in unsupervised situations

where alcohol is consumed quickly and sometimes in large quantities. There is often an unspoken knowledge on the part of parents about the availability of alcohol at certain social gatherings and a sense of futility, fear and a lack of understanding on how to approach the issue. Many would argue that the induction into our drinking culture is a “right of passage” and “normal adolescent behavior” but in fact the number of kids deciding to remain abstinent from alcohol before 18 is actually increasing each year. In fact between 2001-2010 this rate went from 33% to 50% which begs the question about what is the norm?(3) There is also evidence that kids who are supplied alcohol by parents are at much greater risk of moving to full serves of alcohol than kids who are not. An Australian study following 2,000 young people and their parents has found that parents giving sips of alcohol to their children leads to them being much more likely to be drinking full serves by age 15 or 16. Parental supply at any point in the study was associated with a doubling of the likelihood that the teens would be drinking full serves of alcohol when followed up a year later but interestingly though giving sips appeared to be protective for future binge drinking.

of hard evidence around school programs in general so as parents you will be key in helping your child’s role transition into this adult world. Below are references which provide some really good sources of information. www.thiswayup.org.au/ how-we-can-help/courses/ teenstrong www.darta.net.au/ recommended-reading-forparents www.darta.net.au/factsheets

References:

1. Nation Household survey date 2001 &2010 2. Alcohol and The Teenage Brain: Safest to keep them apart An Opinion Piece prepared by Professor Ian Hickie AM MD FRANZCP FASSA 3. Addiction: Trends in non-drinking among Australian adolescents Michael Livingston1,2 Volume109, Issue 6 June 2014 Pages 922-92 4. Mattick, R. P., Wadolowski, M., Aiken, A., Clare, P. J., Hutchinson, D., Najman, J., Slade, T., Bruno, R.,McBride, N., Degenhardt, L., & Kypri, K. (2016). Parental supply of alcohol and alcohol consumption in adolescence: prospective cohort study. Psychological Medicine, January 2017.

So what should we do? The over whelming advice from the scientists is to delay the introduction of alcohol for as long as possible to allow the young, impulsive adolescent brain to develop as naturally as possible. Obviously family history of trauma and substance abuse makes problematic drinking more likely and stable, supportive and loving environments create a much better platform to be positive role models and provide education and advice. Schools play a significant role but there is still a lack

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WHY DO WE LIE TO THE ONES WE LOVE? By Elly Johnson, Speaker, Trainer, Mentor www.ellyjohnson.com

hink about your closest circle of friends, your family or your partner. Have you lied to any of them recently? Have they lied to you? Without knowing you or them, I can safely answer YES to that question with a relatively high level of confidence that I am correct. Research shows that we lie more than we realise, often quickly minimising, justifying or rationalising the ‘un-truth’ so we don’t have to feel too bad or view ourselves as being dishonest. We all keep secrets and tell little lies to the people we love, but we are not so keen when people do it to us. Most of the lies that slip through our lips without a second thought fall into a category of ‘white lies’. We believe they are necessary to keep the peace, save face, cover out butt or not hurt someone’s feelings. What about more serious lies and how do they impact relationships with the ones we love?

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Lies and hidden truth are one of the biggest contributors to relationship breakdowns with a partner and even with friends. Serious lies result in broken trust and without trust, most relationships will eventually crash and burn. Many relationships that continue after trust is broken struggle to regain that place of peace and connection they once had.

every little secret or thing you think about or do, nor should you expect that from a partner. Concealment might include being evasive or omissive or avoiding a topic that has content that you don’t want to reveal. But most would agree there are certain things that couples should reasonably expect to be told, share or reveal.

But if we know that serious lies can be relationship killers, why do so many people still choose to lie? And, is there anything you can do to minimise the chances of you being lied to by the people you love most?

Falsification or direct lies requires false information to be provided. It’s not about ducking and weaving through omissive or evasive techniques, rather giving information that is knowingly not true.

How do we lie? There are two main ways that people lie and they are:

The majority of people, when the intent is to hide truth, will opt for concealment rather than falsification if possible. Most people prefer telling concealment or indirect lies, especially in close relationships as this type of lie can help to make us feel less guilty or less accountable. But, if discovered, the partner who has been misled does not see it that way.

1. By Concealing (indirect lies) 2. By Falsifying (direct lies) Put simply, concealment is all about leaving things out and falsification is about making stuff up. You shouldn’t expect in a relationship to have to reveal

For many this is seen as an ‘easier’ way to hide the truth. If challenged they can say they forgot or they meant to tell you, whereas if someone has made something up that is not true, it can be easier for the lie to be challenged and more difficult to justify. Now before you start getting suspicious about your partner and demanding the ‘truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth’, consider this: Pretty much every person in every relationship hides something from their partner. The problem arises when the hidden truth is something that can really damage a relationship. Every relationship is different and although many elements may be common there will be different expectations, understanding and standards. Not everyone will have the same view about what is an acceptable lie and what is not. Ladies, is it ok to tell your partner that you’ve had the shoes you are wearing for years, even though you got

them delivered to work last week? Is it ok for him to tell you he had one beer at the pub on his way home, when he really had three? Ok, so I’m stereotyping here a bit, but I could list a hundred scenarios where truth is hidden or twisted and ask every reader what they think and if that type of lie is acceptable. And, guess what? Not everyone would view things exactly the same way. Truth and Trust The Foundation of a Solid Relationship One of the most important things to do at the beginning of a relationship is create space to talk about truth and trust. Knowing these elements form the very foundation of a solid and healthy relationship, there should be active and intentional focus on these topics from the start. Too many people assume that their new partner is on exactly the same wavelength

and even has exactly the same definitions, understanding or expectations about truth and trust. This is not always the case. If a relationship is not built on a foundation of truth and trust, it will resemble a house built with weak framework on a bed of sand. It will tip and wobble and even though you may work to prop it up, eventually it will come crashing down. People hide the truth for many reasons but mostly it boils down to two reasons and they are: 1. To make a gain or 2. To avoid a pain Think about the times you have hidden the truth or told a lie - what were you gaining by doing so? What were you avoiding? There is always a reason or a motivation and everyone weighs up the pro’s and cons of truth vs lies quickly in their minds. On some level, if someone you love lies to you it is because

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F A M I LY they don’t feel safe to tell the truth. They may have learnt from previous encounters that it is easier or better to hide things from you. They may be fearful of what will happen next if they open up or reveal what happened, what they have done or what they are really thinking. Of course the truth is important when it comes to high stake topics such as loyalty in a relationship. Hidden truth around the big ticket topics will often end badly, even though the person hiding it may think they can keep things under wraps. If someone is hiding something of importance and has to 24

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think daily about the lie they have told or the truth they are hiding, there’s a good chance it will be damaging their emotional or physical health. It takes more brain power to lie. When someone is lying about something significant the body can release stress hormones which at best make you feel crappy and at worse can cause a disease to develop. How Do I Get More Truth? In relationships where hidden truth or blatant lies are suspected you need to ask yourself a few questions before you jump in and become an FBI interrogator. 1. Is the truth mine to know? 2. Can I handle the truth?

3. Do I make it safe for someone to reveal the truth? These are 3 good starting questions that can bring you closer to uncovering more truth. If it is YOU that is hiding an important truth from someone you love, here are some questions for you to consider: 1. Does hiding this truth sit comfortably with my values and my view of self? 2. Is it really worth continuing to hide this truth? 3. Although the consequences may be difficult, will I be ok if the truth is revealed?

You may be considering these questions in relation to a hidden truth with your partner, a friend, your manager, a colleague, a parent or a child. The questions can be challenging to answer and if you have got yourself in a tangled web of deception, then the solution may seem miles away. Remember…the truth is, everyone lies. Mostly they are the lies that are designed to keep the peace, save face or make someone feel good. If that’s the only thing happening in your world, then you are no different to everyone else on the planet. But, if there is something

bigger you want to find out or say, then think about the above questions as a starting point but also reach out if you need more help. Helping people navigate tricky truth dilemmas is what I do best.

to personal relationships and dating, helping people avoid the lies and deception that can waste time, cost money or break hearts.

Elly Johnson is Australia’s leading authority on Truth, Trust and Deception. As an ex-Policewoman turned businesswoman, Elly trains and consults to small business owners, corporate organisations, women’s business groups and high level Government agencies. She also applies her wealth of knowledge around honesty aspects of human behaviour LOVE YOU MAGAZINE

LIFESTYLE

elcome to Beautiful Minds Banter. The monthly must read for teens and parents.

Beautiful Banter is a monthly email with our latest blog posts written by our awardwinning team of psychologists and experts. This fun read will keep you up-to-date with valuable content around health, nutrition, relationships, mental health, confidence, and more – to help you navigate the tough years as a teen or parent. At Beautiful Minds, we believe in empowering youth and parents with the latest, best content around mental, emotional and physical health so that you can lead happier, more inspiring and beautiful lives. SIGN UP TO BEAUTIFUL BANTER AT BEAUTIFULMINDS.COM.AU

SELF-LOVE BOMB 1/2 a frozen banana handful of frozen blueberries 1/2 cup coconut yoghurt 1 cup almond milk 1 tsp maca powder (optional) 1 scoop of LSA mix BLEND THE ABOVE INGREDIENTS Pour into your prettiest bowl and decorate with your fave toppings Toppings we love! • Chia seeds • Fresh berries • Roasted coconut 26

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10 WAYS TO STOP A BULLY While bullying is a normal part of life, it is not something that anyone should have to put up with. Bullies are not going to disappear on their own, you have to take the steps to get rid of the bully. There are ten ways to stop a bully. 1. Put on a brave face. When you let a bully know that you are afraid of them, it is like giving them power. If you give them some power, you will find that the bullying gets worse. So, put on a brave face, and never show your fear. 2. Have a friend around. Bullies are reluctant to go after someone who has backup. Bullies usually pick out the weakest person they can find, and there is strength in numbers. So, stop a bully by having a friend on hand all the time. 3. Avoid the bully. There are some situations where bullying is worse because it is an ideal situation for a bully to go after their victim without any consequences. If there is no adult around, no authority figure like a teacher or parent, then they can bully without fear of getting caught. So, avoid these situations. On the playground stay where other kids can hear, where the playground monitor is around, etc. 4. Ignore bullies. A lot of what bullies do is for a reaction. They say or do things to see what you will do. If you want to stop a bully, just ignore their efforts, soon they will find someone else. Whether it is bullying online or in person, ignore, ignore, ignore.

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5. If all else fails, confront the bully. If you have spoken to a

parent or school teacher and the bullying is still continuing, then it may be time to confront the bully. Find a time when the bully is on their own but you are both in clear sight of an adult who can help you if you need it. Ask them why they are bullying you and tell them that this needs to stop. You have to value yourself enough to know that this behaviour is not acceptable and you need to stand up for yourself. 6. Report the bullying. Bullies can’t bully for long if they are getting caught. The beginning of getting a bully to stop has to start with an authority figure. So, each time someone bullies you, tell an adult. If it happens at school, tell a counsellor, a teacher, or the principal. 7. Improve your self-esteem. Bullies usually pick on kids who have low esteem. They look for people who are weak, isolated, that feel alone, and have few friends. There is less chance of them being caught that way. Work on your esteem, and you won’t be picked on long. 8. Control your feelings. As mentioned previously, bullies look for reactions, don’t give them one, and soon they will grow bored and move on. 9. Stand up for yourself when it gets bad. If a bully is physically harming you, ruining your reputation, or something else then don’t put up with it. Instead, say the words like, “Stop” or “Don’t” and make sure they know you are done taking their bullying. 10. Don’t bully back. It is good to say no, but don’t bully in return. You don’t want to be on the same level. Instead, tell someone that they are bullying you, and then do your best to ignore.

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WHAT WOMEN WANT IN A MAN Extract from ’49 Secrets of a Matchmaker’ by Trudy Gilbert

By Trudy Gilbert, Founder Elite Introductions www.eliteintroductions.com.au

1. The Clooney Factor (charming) If I had a dollar for every time a female client said to me, “Just find me someone like George Clooney,” I’d be retired living in the outskirts of Florence, in my rustic Tuscan villa and enjoying the picturesque Italian countryside. What is it about this guy? Why does he make women all over the world fall at his feet? I must be one of those rare birds who simply doesn’t understand. Maybe I was pulled aside at birth and given a special vaccination allowing me to avoid his spell? And, with this special gift, came a responsibility…a responsibility to help women all over the world realize that George Clooney is not the holy grail of men. What disturbed me most about hearing women say this over and over was that I knew, underneath the satire, lived an element of truth. After all, most jokes require a strong basis of reality to be funny. My response to this constant request of finding my clients George Clooney was, “Well, I actually have a Clooney cloning machine out the back and I’m

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going to work some magic, press a few buttons and then bring him out.” Humour aside, this is the number one request I’ve heard from women over the last nine years. So let’s break it down. What is The Clooney Factor? Why do all women want to date him and men want to befriend him? I think it can be summarized in one word: charisma. We can’t deny it. There’s something about George; it’s his inner calm, that suave, sophisticated manner in which he glides into a room. Charm just oozes out of him. How can I help men worldwide channel their inner George? Many believe that charm can’t be learnt – you either have it or you don’t. However, I disagree completely. Charm is defined as: “The power or quality of pleasing or delighting.” Does that seem so unattainable? Guys, seriously, this is not beyond your realm of possibilities. How do you please a woman? Well, it’s really quite simple. Listen to her, be polite, be a gentleman, be considerate, well mannered and genuine. You can acquire

charm by simply adopting these patterns of good behavior. These things are very easy to do. You can even start right now. So get to it! There have been few men throughout history that have had this effect on women — Steve McQueen, James Dean, Sean Connery, Cary Grant (who was actually offered the role of James Bond, but surprisingly turned it down). Objectively, I can see George is a charming, sophisticated and charismatic man, but for me, that’s where the magic ends. I often ask my clients

what three unique qualities they’re in search of. For me, it was humour, a lust for life and passion. To me, George just seems a little too measured for my tastes. I’d much rather eat dinner with someone like Steve Carrell than Mr. Clooney. Oh, and I’m pleased to say that I married my Steve. We have been happily married for nine years and my husband is a real character, full of personality and incredibly funny. He definitely has an inner George, but it’s not what you think. His hero is George Costanza from Seinfeld and every day he makes me laugh!

I think that, when you break it down, women just want a gentleman — and that doesn’t have to come in the tall-darkand-handsome package. Any man can bring out his inner George. Tips for Guys 1. Watch as many George Clooney films as you can. Dress like him, talk like him, channel him in every possible way... Maybe even build a shrine to George in your bedroom and maybe, just maybe you’ll get there.

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2. When in doubt of what to do in a situation, ask yourself, “What would George do?” Then do the same.

Of course, there is a fine line between being confident and being cocky. No one likes an arrogant man.

3. Start by being a complete gentleman – open doors for women, listen to what they say and respond accordingly. You’ll stand out from the crowd immediately and before long you’ll start to morph into a George look-a-like.

Putting down others to only elevate your own sense of self, dominating conversation, avoiding eye contact always having an answer for something rather than admitting you may not know, are all prime examples of pure cockiness.

2. The Three C’s (confidence) Nine times out of 10, when I ask a woman what attracts her to a man, she’ll reply with one simple word — as if it were so incredibly straightforward and obvious — confidence. This might seem a rather unhelpful piece of advice, as most of us believe confidence is not something you can just throw on like a sweater. However, it is something that can be enhanced with a few tips and tricks. Let’s demystify the word first. Confidence is an attitude, an element of coolness or swagger. So how can you channel your inner confidence? What can you do? Follow these ideas and you won’t go wrong. Quite simply, it’s how you hold yourself, present yourself and what you say. It is not apologizing for your shortcomings. It’s about being humble and not gloating about your achievements. It is about being a good conversationalist and showing an interest in a range of topics. It is about giving great eye contact, having good posture and a firm handshake (nothing creeps me out more than a squashed, limp handshake from a guy). It is about a sincere smile. Confident people smile because they’re happy and enjoy their place in the world. Try it and you’ll see others will naturally want to smile back. What a great effect to be having on people.

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So what are the three C’s? Cool, calm and collected — or — confidence, confidence, confidence! Being confident is about being cool and being very comfortable with who are you. Even if you stopped reading here, but embraced the earlier lesson of charm and this lesson of confidence, you would see an immediate positive increase in response from women. But I urge you, please don’t stop here, as there is so much more to learn. Tips for Guys 1. When going on a new date, buy a new shirt. Do something that will put an extra pep in your step. Make a great first impression with how you present yourself. She will immediately see you as a confident guy and will want to know more. Date dress code – nice shirt, nice pants and nice shoes. 2. Have a daily mantra. “I am comfortable with who I am and enjoy my place in the world.” 3. Fake it till you make it. Start acting like you’re confident and you will soon start to believe it. 3. The Funny Factor Ask women for a list of qualities they’re searching for in a partner, and I guarantee you, sense of humour will be somewhere on the top. I’ve heard this for years and it comes as no surprise. In a Men’s Health survey of more

than 1,000 American women ages 21 to 54, 77 percent of women ranked a sense of humor as their number one must-have in a man, beating out intelligence, passion, confidence and generosity.

Why? What is it about a funny guy that appeals to most women? Well a study conducted by Standford University School of Medicine may hold the answer. Twentytwo children aged 6 to 13 were shown a series of clips, some funny and some not so funny. The results showed that, when viewing the funny clips, the girl’s brains released more heightened activity than boys. According to the researchers, this meant that the girls experienced more positive feelings. The researchers wrote, in Social Neuroscience, “Humor processing might be more effective in females than males because the female brain, and particularly the reward circuit, is biologically better prepared to respond accordingly.” So that’s it! We are actually wired that way. Ever wondered why very attractive women sometimes end up with not so attractive but funny men? According to this study, it’s because “the female brain, particularly the reward circuit, is biologically better prepared to respond accordingly.” So guys, what are you waiting for? You should feel like all your Christmas’s have come at once! Science is telling you that we’re built to respond to humour. I know what you are probably thinking, easier said than done. Right? “What if I’m not a funny guy? Am I meant to learn a comedy routine? Start reciting Woody Allen or Jay Leno?” I hear you ask. Well no, it’s not that kind of humour we find appealing. In fact, far from it. The most common type of humour women find attractive is the dry and sarcastic humour about everyday events. That’s

right. Self-depreciation and commenting on everyday occurrences can be very attractive to women. Making fun of what’s happening in the moment, like on a date for instance, can also ease the tension. Don’t make fun of other people though, as that will go against you. Secondly, have you ever seen a person laughing and thought that person looked unattractive? Never! People who are happy, giddy, laughing and smiling look good! You see, we equate humour with intelligence. If you can muster up a clever, witty remark, we’ll also think you’re smart. And as humour is tied to confidence, that makes for a pretty powerful package. I grew up with a very funny dad, and all my parent’s friends were pretty much hysterical

as well. So, it was a bit of a surprise when I discovered that not all men had the funny gene. People Magazine’s sexist men list for 2013 included celebs like John Cusack and Paul Rudd. Some of the men listed in the sexist guys of the world have actually been comedians, think: Owen Wilson, Seth Rogan, Will Ferrell, Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller, Jonah Hill, and my favourite, Steve Carell. These are all funny dudes that most women probably find attractive. Why? Because every one of them is adorably charming, and we just want to hug them for making us happy. What an amazing gift!

2. A good sense of humour actually stems from an ability to observe, and to see the absurd. When you are out and about, take in more of what’s going on around you. You’ll find plenty of funny things happen every day 3. Watch some classic comedy. I’m not talking about The Hangover.

To download a complete copy of Trudy’s e-book, 49 Secrets of a Matchmaker, head to www.eliteintroductions.com.au

Tips for Guys 1. There are steps you can take to work on your funny bone. Start by opening yourself up to seeing the funny side of life

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BUSINESS

TRUST YOUR INTUITION IT IS THE MOST INCREDIBLE RESOURCE EVER

By Madelaine Cohen, Intuitive Leadership & Business Mentor www.madelainecohen.com

he other day I had a casual chat with 2018 Melbourne Cup winning jockey Kerrin McEvoy. He’d just finished his morning of track work at Randwick. I love getting a sense of the mindset that it takes to be elite in sport, business or anything for that matter. My intrigue for this goes back a few decades when I was consulting in Sports Marketing and working alongside Olympic, Asian and Commonwealth Games athletes. It isn’t often that we hear about the unique mindsets that create success at the highest level. My conversation with Kerrin was telling of what I am familiar with, so let me show you what I know to be hidden in plain sight when it comes to success at the highest level. For a start Kerrin is unassuming and a down to earth man who clearly has a love for family. Of course being an intuitive my first question was always going to be about race day and whether he Kerrin ever has any intuition before a race on what the outcome will be. What

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I found so telling in Kerrin’s response to me is that he doesn’t have intuitive hunches, but, his wife does. I am really familiar with this because I find that many women have strong intuitive hunches in life and around events. Commonly these are disregarded. Many people both male and female who are tuned in still feel their hunches are unreliable and they tend not to act even if they’ve taken notice. I hear people say to me, “I totally knew that before it happened! I so wish I’d acted on that fleeting thought!” I always say, “trust your intuition,” because it is the most incredible resource ever. How do you know if it’s intuition? I love following my intuition and people often ask me how I know when a fleeting thought or feeling is actually intuition to be followed. For me I get goose bumps often and this is the first sign that my intuition is stepping in. I have learnt to listen and act. I look for signs of synchronicity and when I see them I act.

Be bold! A few weeks ago I was on the Gold Coast at a conference. I woke up in the morning to discover that a massive storm was underway in Sydney and flights were impacted. It was 7 am. I was booked on the last flight out of the Gold Coast at 9 pm on a discount airline. I needed to get back to Sydney that night due to an important commitment the next morning. My intuition kicked in and I felt strongly that some 14 hours later the flight I was booked on would be cancelled. I acted immediately on my intuition to see if I could book a different flight from Brisbane. By this stage a one-way economy ticket from Brisbane to Sydney was selling for $1000. I quickly looked at frequent flyer points tickets and saw one business class seat available. I booked it and paid the $40 fee. I finished my day on the Gold Coast and made my way to Brisbane airport. It was chaos. I popped into the business class lounge and relaxed. My flight was delayed. We departed two hours late.

I landed in Sydney ahead of the time I should have arrived on the original flight from the Gold Coast. Happy to be home. After arriving in Sydney I switched my phone on and I received an SMS message to say my flight from the Gold Coast had just been cancelled! It was finally cancelled just 30-minutes before it was due to depart. Your intuition rewards you… Here’s the thing, my intuition gave me the best outcome ever. I ended up having a delightful time in the business class lounge, a pleasant flight with a great dinner and a lovely chat to the passenger next to me. That’s the gift of intuition! It clears the way to even better. So if you’ve got it, I urge you to use it. It’s never the goal that creates the success Back to my chat with Kerrin. On Melbourne Cup day in 2018 he knew there were far better horses in the field for the conditions of the day. The gate he was starting at with

Cross Counter was also an unlikely advantage. So then what was his race plan? Are you surprised that Kerrin’s goal was to do his best, do the tasks required for success and to take advantage of every opportunity as it was presented? You see in life, and particularly at times when people set goals we tend to miss the main task at hand. Setting a goal takes a moment. Achieving a goal takes commitment to do your best, a plan and the flexibility to take advantage of opportunities as they present. In a moment I will explain to you how this approach created a $4 million race win for Kerrin and his team. First though, here’s what I see and what you need to know. At the beginning of every year I see people joining the gym I go to. I know they have set a goal to be healthier and fitter for the year ahead. This is by the way one of the most important actions everyone can benefit enormously from. Issue is that by a few weeks into the year that 12-month LOVE YOU MAGAZINE

BUSINESS gym membership becomes an unused financial drain for so many people with good intentions. I know exactly why this happens. People walk around everywhere with goals and no action plan. How are you going to show up, what are you going to do and how do you want to feel? Do the tasks instead of winging it on a goal and the goal will be surpassed. It’s the work that matters. What’s also important to know is that life only gets in the way when you stack more activities into an already overwhelmed schedule. Before you set the action steps for any goal you need to decide what you will stop doing in order for the new to have space to work. In this moment allow what is completely useless to you living the life of your dreams to be eliminated from draining your time. In the end it will not matter when you’re the happy, healthy success you’re designed to be. Do the work even if you feel you’re an outsider… So in Kerrin’s race he was behind, he was on the outside riding a long race. And he was not in a winning position. 34

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He stayed focussed on the ride. Committed to doing his best on his action plan. Then opportunity was created. Bunching created a fall and the pack was dispersed. His long race on the outer became just what he needed for a clear run to move ahead of disruption in the field and he moved into a position of advantage. Kerrin then held on, continued his action plan and won the 2018 Melbourne Cup decisively. Your currency matters Imagine for a moment what it might feel like being about 60 kg loaded into a gate on the back of 500kg of fast moving, incredibly strong racehorse amid drama? There are about 100,000 people with hopes and anxiety riding with you at the course. In that moment you remember that there are about 650 million people from all over the world watching the race you’re about to ride. Then you realise that the only thing that will really matter in the next 4 or so minutes after the gates open is the energetic currency between you and your horse. If you’re terrified your horse will feel it. If you’re energised, calm, and in the zone your horse will feel this

too. You cannot fake energetic currency. It’s a vibration. Kerrin McEvoy is acutely aware of how important keeping calm and in the zone is when riding the hopes and dreams of about 650 million punters. He categorically believes the secret to winning is your energetic vibration in the face of pressure and chaos. You simply must stay calm. Now change horse to life. Life is your vehicle. It is picking up on your vibration and responding accordingly giving you exactly what it is feeling from you. Stress, okay she wants stress… let’s give her more! Calm… you’ve got this. I need to ask you this super important question… Why then are so many people eluded by their own measure of personal success and feeling disappointed telling the world they are “so stressed” and “so busy?” The ah-ha moment for me on this subject is that when you tune into the vibrational energy of mass consciousness, like the anxiety of 650,000 million people with money punted on the Melbourne Cup you are

going to conduct yourself in that vibration and attract even more of what you’re tuning into. Do the opposite So what if instead you do the opposite? You see, Kerrin could not win the Melbourne Cup even with opportunity, planning and doing the work if his mind was enmeshed with thoughts of being busy and stressed. So he needed to separate himself from the energy of the punter and create for himself a higher energy blueprint that literally rises above the white noise and as I say all the time position himself in the slipstream of success. You so want to learn how to do this and I’d love to share the ‘how to” with you. This is where I show you how to be a lateral-thinker always and in all ways. What does your 2019 diary look like? The last few years, truthfully the last six years if you’re tuned into universal and astrological energy as I am, have been very challenging for many people.

Lots of challenging lessons to upgrade you, gifts in strange wrapping that felt like a kick in the teeth and opportunities to grow that felt like a conspiracy to break you. I have good news for you. It’s done. This year we have a new vibrational blueprint. It’s creative, fun, expansive and full of opportunities that will elevate those who welcome this energy and trust the direction it brings. Are you ready to make the most of it? Imagine creating a quantum space in the slipstream of success! Spend time in a new vibration That said I want to let you know that I have co-created with Paula Benmayor of Love You Sydney to bring you an incredible platform for you to join one of our exclusive ‘Deals In Heels’ mentoring groups this year. You can live every aspect of your magic this year and we are helping you to truly succeed, get it done and opening you to a higher level in your career, business, relationships, leadership, health and life in the year ahead. Expect plenty of intuitive guidance from me along the way. Paula and I have a combined 50 years

of expertise in the area of business success, mindset, leadership, networking, startups, communication and we have the combined years on the planet in this lifetime of a wise centurion. That wasn’t meant to be funny! We’ve also had our share of life experiences too from major surgeries, miracle children after tragic loss, heartbreak, divorce, starting businesses from scratch and growing them to millions in profit, selling businesses, investing and also creating the lives of our dreams with work that we love, time to balance, exercise, look after our health, raise our children who we single parent and to have our now relationships that are next level love and commitment. Everything we share is possible because we’ve both done it! Open your diary and connect with us now to make 2019 the year you “nailed” your best year ever.

Link to buy books: https://madelainecohen. com/the-lateral-thinkingentrepreneur-books/

LOVE YOU MAGAZINE

The is M

BUSINESS

DEALS IN HEELS

To hav ent to to and the Ment D

MENTORING PROGRAM

rowing your small business into a successful enterprise where you leverage your time, contribute massively to your community, create wealth and leave a legacy is frequently a solo existence where “experience” is what you get when you have not quite got what you wanted...

Whether you’re established, should be established but feel you need help, want to grow your business success now, are a start-up, want to leave corporate and need help to transfer into business life or have a great idea and want to make it happen in 2019 - Deals in Heels Business Mentoring is for you.

In 2019 this is about to change for the better... with solutions to your time, financial and problem solving success in your business.

When 60% of businesses cease operating in the first three years many people are curious as to what is going wrong...

Finding a mentor who can help you succeed isn’t always easy. That was until now. And in 2019 Love You Sydney is committed to helping as many heart spaced businesses, entrepreneurs and corporate leaders expand into growth by providing our unique 12-month Business Mentoring Program Deals in Heels. Over 12-months you will experience the opportunity to expand, collaborate, market and grow your business.

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ASIC reports that 44% of insolvencies are the result of poor strategic management, 40% are cash flow related and 33% suffer losses from an inability to creatively problem solve. Businesses that succeed have great strategy, an action plan, the ability to create problems into opportunities, capable advisors and a strong business network. Meet Paula Benmayor founder of Love You and project partner Madelaine Cohen.

Paula and Madelaine have a combined 50 years of business expertise in consumer products and service industries. How does the Love You Business Mentoring Program work? First, we want to meet you. This program is about your success so if you join one of the groups, we need to ensure that we all resonate with each other to help you deliver results in your business from the moment we start. Deals in Heels is by application and we carefully select each group of up to 7 business people to ensure the magic cocreation works incredibly well. The program starts with 1 full day of 12-Month Business Planning and leads into 10 x 5 hour Business Mentoring Boardroom Sessions over a 10 month period. Each session starts with a 30-minute presentation by an expert from any one of the following industries:

e “Deals In Heels Program” s a co-creation between Madelaine Cohen & Paula Benmayor.

Together Madelaine and Paula ve over 50 years experience as trepreneurs and are committed sharing all of their knowledge help you succeed in Business d life. They will be co-facilitating e Masterclass Series, Business toring Groups, Business Planning Days and Networking events.

- Sales - Marketing - Social Media - Digital - Branding - Finance - PR - Media Communications - Corporate Sponsorship With Deals in Heels you also have 3 exclusive evenings with members the of other groups to network and create bigger deals in high heels. Invitations to Love You events and the opportunity to apply for an event as a Love You Expert. Have you been thinking… I wish I could get…. Ahead in business? New clients easily? A second pair of eyes on my idea / proposal? Real growth this year? Business marketing sales advice? Out of my rut? I wish I could get a mentor? My confidence back? Advice that might save me some money? I wish I could get my business to $1 million or more in turnover and be profitable? Leverage my time? Make money while

Sleep? Over procrastinating? Negotiate like a gun? I wish I could get advice from someone whose actually got the runs on the board? Quality networking? A belly laugh at work once in while? A great 12-month business plan? I wish I could get help to grow successfully! Then we need to talk. The Deals in Heels Mentoring Program starts with an application and a 30-minute phone meeting with Paula Benmayor and Madelaine Cohen. On this call we want to know how we can contribute to your success in the year ahead. If there’s a mutual resonance that says “yes” we will determine the right exclusive Deals in Heels Mentoring Program group for you to join. Having the right people to cocreate with accelerates your success even more. Deals in Heels Mentoring is a 12-month program where you can find the answers, support, contacts, resources and encouragement to: • Rapidly grow your business • Go global (or learn leverage so you can work from anywhere) and beyond current model • Learn how to leverage at low cost / high return • Create, market and sell new product with feedback from the group • Learn reverse engineered negotiation skills that get amazing deals • Reduce stress in your business through never “negotiating” again

• Accelerate your success with a high level of business advice at a fraction of the price of 1:1 mentoring • Leverage and create multiple income streams • Collaborate with go-getter professionals • Have accountability measures for your business • Brainstorm ideas and get trusted feedback • Create a plan for the year and measure it every month • Be a part of something bigger that a small business • Stay motivated and creative • Use the Love You Sydney Love You Sydney network to grow • Experience priceless and unique introductions and the input of Love You Sydney Experts • Have reassurance in business through a safe platform for collaboration Deals in Heels 12 month Business Mentoring Program consisting of: - 1 day Business Planning Session: 7 hours - 10 half day Sessions: 5 hours each - Total of 57 hours of mentoring Investment for the 12 month Deals in Heels Business Mentoring Program $11,000.00 (including GST) consisting of 4 payments of $2,750.00 each (including GST) REGISTER YOUR INTEREST TO FIND OUT MORE info@loveyousydney.com.au LOVE YOU MAGAZINE

BUSINESS

MASTERCLASS SERIES

ake a slightly longer lunch break and accelerate your career and business success. Never before has a long lunch been so productive for your career and business success! The Deals in Heels Masterclass series are refreshing, motivating and practical 2 ½ hour working lunch sessions giving you ideas, resources, a step-by-step action plan and a new perspective.

Pack of 6 ($1997) or buy 1 only ($397)

• Public Speaking and Presentation Skills 101

Here are some of the Masterclasses you can book in for now:

• 10 Ways to Save Money in Business and Outsource with Success

• Negotiating Deals the LateralThinking Way

• Doubling your Income Now - The Income Gems Hidden in Plain Sight

• Drama Unpacked and How to lead in a sea of Drama • How to Lean into a Heart Space in your Business

If you’d like to negotiate like a pro, learn how to present like an expert, kow how to create elegant solutions in business, find the secrets of financial abundance through knowing the real currency of your work, learn how to think-laterally, seek solutions for “drama” and banish it for good, learn how to thrive again when your self-confidence hits a wall, and double your business or sales revenue we have the right Master Class to help you.

• The value of Currency in Business and the Secrets of Financial Abundance

Each class is limited to 25 people. Choose one or a series.

• Leadership Communication & the Art of Elegant Solutions

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• How to Thrive in Business and in Life when your SelfConfidence Hits a Wall • When Money Alone Doesn’t Cut It - How to Look Further and Find Happiness • Marketing Communications that Stops the Cheese and Delivers Results

• Leveraging Time as a Consultant • The Keys to Successful Problem Solving in Business • Reverse Engineering and Lateral-Thinking to Grow Your Business Fast • Health, Wellbeing and Lifestyle Balance Made Easy

Book a Masterclass class during the month of April and receive $50 off! To purchase, visit loveyousydney.com.au/events Sydney readers use code SYD50OFF Melbourne readers use code MELB50OFF

BUSINESS PLANNING DAY

rom start-ups to established businesses good planning makes sense. We hear so often that it’s essential to create a comprehensive and wellconsidered business strategy and action plan…and yet having a plan that you actually look at and implement is something few businesses have... Until now! In one day we will change this reality for you. The Love You Sydney Business Planning day, co-created by Paula Benmayor and Madelaine Cohen, is life changing. The day starts in a light-filled boardroom overlooking Darling Harbour with a small group of just 10 business people who are about to go through a fun and expansive process of creating a thoughtful business strategy and action plan with a 3-year vision and detailed 12-month actions that matter. No spinning wheels. We get to the detail that makes the difference.

come. You will walk away with your own plan in an easy to implement format. You are in process all day. You’re guided, inspired, and your questions are answered. You have 1:1 attention from two business women who have taken their own successful enterprises from zero to millions, who make a difference, who contribute in heart space and give generously. And you have the momentum of group inspiration to go to the next level. In the next six hours you’ll be taken on a journey to success, with support, inspiration, intuition, action items and congruence all carefully crafted by you in consultation with women who believe in your gifts, talents and contribution. It’s detailed, interactive and a work day like no-other. The step-by-step process is in the moment. You walk away with your plan.

What you receive: • Your Personal Business Plan In A Detailed 30-Page Business Planning Workbook You’ll Complete On The Day • A Step-By-Step Process for Business Planning Success • Inspirational Stories and Quality Advice • A New Way Of LateralThinking • New Connections and Resources to Leverage and Compress Time Two Amazing Business Books from The Lateral-Thinking Entrepreneur Series by Madelaine Cohen You’ll be opening up to supportive ideas that will help you declare your vision, know your actions, enable you to walk into success and you’ll be given next level connections to leverage and compress time.

Today is a truly fun work day you’ll remember for years to

LOVE YOU MAGAZINE

BUSINESS

BUSINESS ACCELERATION PROGRAM

pen the doors wider and take your business to the next level with the Love You Deals In Heels Business Acceleration Program. This Program is for you or a member of your team. Interchange! Pass the baton! You can either attend it all yourself or send your team members to the sessions most suited to their successful co-creation to the next level of your business growth. You choose with this offer. This is a six (6) month program designed for expanding your success even more. You’ll have access to business insights and implementable action plans that are geared to taking your enterprise to the next level. Start with a plan! Your Business Planning day takes your vision into an action plan for the next 12 months. It’s detailed. Interactive and a work day like no-other. The step-by-step process is in the moment. You walk away with your plan.

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What you receive: • Your Personal Business Plan In A Detailed 30-Page Business Planning Workbook You’ll Complete On The Day •A Step-By-Step Process for Business Planning Success • Inspirational Stories and Quality Advice • A New Way Of LateralThinking • New Connections and Resources to Leverage and Compress Time • Two Amazing Business Books The Lateral-Thinking Entrepreneur Series by Madelaine Cohen Then Come Along to 4 Expert Sessions Designs to Accelerate & Give You Resources... Expert sessions cover informative information from one of our Love You Experts, with discussion and interaction to answer your business growth questions on social media, marketing, sales,

product development, business expansion and financial management. Next from more than 16 Topics Join 4 Masterclasses to Soft Skills Upskill and Get The Edge! You choose the Love You Masterclasses most relevant to your business acceleration outcomes. Here are some of the Masterclasses you can book in for now: • Negotiating Deals the LateralThinking Way • Drama Unpacked and How to lead in a sea of Drama • How to Lean into a Heart Space in your Business • The value of Currency in Business and the Secrets of Financial Abundance • How to Thrive in Business and in Life when your SelfConfidence Hits a Wall

• Your Guide to Dealing with People who have a Big Ego • When Money Alone Doesn’t Cut It - How to Look Further and Find Happiness • Marketing from a LateralThinking Entrepreneur • Leadership Communication & the Art of Elegant Solutions • Public Speaking and Presentation Skills 101 • 10 Ways to Save Money in Business and Outsource with Success

• Leveraging Time as a Consultant • The Keys to Successful Problem Solving in Business • Reverse Planning and LateralThinking to Grow Your Business Fast • Health, Wellbeing and Lifestyle Balance Made Easy Here is What’s Included in the Deals in Heels - Business Acceleration Program

(3 hours each) valued at $2,500 (4 x $625 each) 4 x Deals in Heels Masterclasses of your choice at Barangaroo & Sydney CBD (90 minutes each) valued at $1588 (4 x $397) Book In Now for the special price of $3497

1 x Business Planning Day in Barangaroo (6 hours) valued at $997

• Doubling your Income Now • The Income Gems Hidden in Plain Sight

4 x Expert Sessions at Barangaroo & Sydney CBD exclusive to this Program

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MEMBERSHIP

JOIN OUR FREE MEMBERSHIP TODAY! Get access to our Complimentary Love You Magazine. Be the first to hear about our events, news and receive exclusive content.

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F A M I LY

YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A CHILDREN’S PICTURE BOOK FOR BEREAVED PARENTS

By Anne-Maree Imrie Book Author, www.anniemauthor.com

orrie Schwartz said, “Death ends a life, not a relationship”. Fitting for me, and my baby son, Xavier, who died in January 2015. When I visit his grave, I read to him. Our bond continues through a love of books. To share this love, I wrote, ‘You Could Have Been...’ A children’s picture book for bereaved parents to read to their baby/ child who died. I am a qualified Social Worker. Commencing in 2005, I worked in the field for 10 years, which I really valued. However, my real passion has always been writing. I have wanted to publish my writing for as long as I can remember, but fear held me back. I completed two writing courses - one fiction, with the Australian Writers’ Centre (2012); and one non-fiction, with Sydney University, Centre for Continuing Education (2014). But I was still unable to present my work publicly. When my son died, I felt something ignite inside of me. The fear melted away, and I felt compelled to share my writing. In January 2018 my first book, ‘You Could Have Been...’ was published via a partnership publishing deal with Little Steps. It is a children’s picture

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book for adults - specifically bereaved parents. The purpose of the book is to provide an avenue for bereaved parents to read to their baby/child who died, and thus continue the bond that began from the moment of conception. The purpose of speaking publicly about the book, is to advocate for bereaved families. It’s so important to have open conversations about grief and loss. This topic is often left hidden, because there is so much fear around it. My mission is to help people understand that it’s not about generating pity. It’s about sharing love. And this is what leads me to the creative rationale behind the book. As a Social Worker, I have studied grief. I have also connected with hundreds of women who have experienced pregnancy and/or infant loss. One key theme that comes up consistently, is a desire for their baby to be acknowledged. When a baby is stillborn, the parents and close family are often the only ones who meet the baby. To everyone else, the baby is ‘invisible’. Having a book for the baby, keeps their memory alive. It’s a tangible way for parents to continue bonding. It breathes life into a relationship that exists only in the heart.

When my son first died, I struggled to continue my connection with him. I didn’t know what to do when I visited him at the cemetery. So I bought children’s picture books. I found that reading to Xavier helped heal my heart. During one of my visits, the idea was born to write a picture book to Xavier, and all the other babies like him. I searched every bookstore and resource list, to see if a book like this already existed. I found nothing. This demonstrates why it is so needed. There is no other book like ‘You Could Have Been…’. It provides an avenue for grieving parents to give love directly to their baby who died. It fulfils that craving for love and acknowledgement. I structured the book with purpose. The beginning allows space for the bereaved parent to reflect on the hopes and dreams that ‘could have been’ fulfilled by their child. It then moves into an acknowledgement of sadness that these dreams will never be. And it finishes with the conclusion, that the most important thing is the love parents have for the baby who lives on in their heart. A big part of baby loss is the sense of emptiness left behind. Everything turns grey and it’s

hard to imagine a future where you will see the world in colour again. My book is a tangible piece of love that a parent can hold on to. It can breathe life into a relationship that exists only in the heart. And the practice of reading aloud, makes a parent feel like they can talk to their baby. Research has shown that talking to your loved one after they have died, can be akin to therapy. Massey University conducted a study that found people who engaged in afterdeath communication had experiences that were positive, life-affirming, and actually assisted with the grieving process. If my book plays a small part in a long journey of healing for bereaved parents, then I am proud to have made this contribution. Link to buy book: https://anniemauthor.com/buythe-book

CURRENT WORK... Shortly I will be releasing the first episode, in a series of weekly videos. Each week I will be talking about different topics related to grief in bereaved parenthood, with a particular focus on pregnancy and infant loss. The purpose of the videos is to generate discussion around life after loss, and what the path towards healing looks like. This is not an online diary of my experience, although I will be sharing parts of my story along the way. This is the start of what I hope to be an ongoing conversation amongst bereaved parents, and those supporting bereaved parents. I will open the door for questions and the sharing of different perspectives; whilst utilising my professional learnings in the area of grief and loss. It is my hope that through sharing these videos, people can easily spread support and awareness in the greater community for an issue that sees six babies stillborn in Australia every single day; and one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage.

LOVE YOU MAGAZINE

H E A LT H

THRIVING THROUGH CANCER TREATMENT

A story of how and what exercise gave me through my fight with Breast Cancer.

By Siobhan O’Toole, @LadySKO www.ladysko.org

i - I’m Siobhan O’Toole. In my 40th year I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. So, what makes my story different from the 18K people (men and women) who are diagnosed each year? I was part of an exercise trial, and that exercise trial, along with my prior fitness, proved to be so important to how I thrived during my treatment and how I learnt to recover with grace. I lifted heavier weights at the end of chemo than at the start! I did more than 60 workouts over the 152 days of chemo and walked on average 8900 steps a day. I had something to achieve during chemo and achieve something I did. So, I’m sorry you got cancer but how is this relevant to me? Firstly, I don’t believe anything I did caused me to get cancer, but exercise prepared me to deal with my fight to survive. I liken cancer to running a marathon. You are in shock that you put your name down and committed to be part of some running event. This is diagnosis. What do you mean I’ve got cancer? I have to tell people I have cancer. I have to let go of other commitments. To do this I am going to have to focus…

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Then you have to train for the event and run the event. This is treatment. It is a long, hard, arduous and boring process that no one wants to hear about and no one else can really help you do. You have to put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes give a lift to run up-hill. But most importantly you have to keep pace and keep that evil voice in your head focused on getting this thing done not finding all the valid reasons why you should STOP RUNNING NOW… You get to the last 10 km and you are like FML, why did I ever do this… (this is treatment with all the side effects) you can almost see the finish line! Finally, you have finished the race and you find out that you have an injury. That injury might be permanent, it might leave a scar. It is going to take a lot more patient clean eating and no drinking to give your body the best option to heal. This is recovery. Cancer treatment is a marathon not a sprint. Having exercised pretty much my whole life, I knew how to discipline myself. I knew that sacrifice now will bring me a return. I knew it was TEMPORARY. Exercise provided me resilience and a grit mindset of get it done.

Ok so now what? One of my core values is fairness. Everybody should have FREE access to exercise, diet and mental health during treatment. We can’t wait for people to break and lose condition to build them back up. That is crazy! We need prehab to prevent the need for rehab. So, I have teamed up with

doctors to define a prehab program for cancer patients. We are raising $25,000 to get the first trial of 20 patients through the program. This program looks at how exercise impacts treatment side effects. I NEVER threw up, and with the exception of being hospitalised (I got a cold) I moved every day - it helped me manage my fatigue.

You can read about my story and watch a video in pictures here: www.ladysko.org/uplift We need 250 people to give $100 dollars and then this program will be funded. Donations are tax deductible. Will you be one of the founding peeps?

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Here are my key takeaways on Cancer:

H XE XA XL TX H

1. On Screening:

2. On Doctors:

3. On Exercise:

a. You can get breast screening before 40 if you have maternal history of breast cancer read more here

a. If you don’t trust your doctor don’t be afraid to fire them. I changed breast surgeons and it changed my entire cancer experience.

a. Exercise in your life develops resilience and the ability to get tough jobs done. Fighting breast cancer was my job in 2018.

b. If your doctor doesn’t start the meeting with “How are you coping” or something similar fire them. They are treating a person not a disease.

b. Weights bearing exercise 2-3 times a week is necessary. 6 simple exercises done with hand weights at home can maintain and increase bone density.

b. You can get FREE breast screening post 40 at Breast Screen NSW c. You can feel your boobies up EVERY month when you are blessed with the curse. Learn how and love those mama jugs! Source: https://www. mcgrathfoundation.com.au/ about/what-we-do/breastawareness/

c. Tell them what is going on - they have amazing powers to resolve issues, including financial. But they can’t fix what they don’t know, and they can’t fix what they don’t have time to fix.

c. You will never feel like it … so squash that voice and just do the exercise.

How to check breasts each month 2. Onyour Doctors: a. If you don’t trust your doctor don’t be afraid to fire them. I changed breast surgeons and it changed my entire cancer 3. On Exercise:

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4. On Owning It:

5. Activate your network:

6. Check your insurance:

a. NEVER EVER GOOGLE YOUR DIAGNOSIS OR YOUR PROGNOSIS. Doctors are experts. Find a doctor your trust rather than trying to become a keyboard doctor.

a. My personal preference is to HEAR ZERO about anyone else’s journey. I found two to three women from my network that guided me through the shock

b. I never thought I was going to die or not beat this. This is not positive thinking. It is a mindset. I will survive this.

b. I created a private Facebook group that had 100 stakeholders. This ranged from friends and family across the globe to including key people so that I only had to tell my story once.

a. Do you focus on the extra’s? I did. I never checked my base coverage as I didn’t need obstetrics and so far, knee joints are OK. 50c a month was the difference to include cancer treatments.

c. Accept it and get help. So many strong women are so crap at asking for help and worse at accepting it.

c. I did share pictures of my bald head. It happened. It was bald. I kinda rocked it!

b. Check your income protection and consider if you need trauma insurance. Trauma insurance is paid out on diagnosis. So, you can have whatever boobies you like. As a contractor I had savings for rainy days. There is no dress or accessory or outfit that feels better than 3 months savings in the bank!

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H E A LT H

BEING OPEN ABOUT MY UTERUS AND OVARY ISSUES IN A MALE-DOMINATED INDUSTRY

By Jessa Jakovljevic www.jessajakov.com

have a chronic condition called endometriosis. It’s a very painful incurable condition where the lining similar to that in my uterus grows abnormally around other parts of my body. That lining bleeds as if it’s in my uterus but can’t escape so the bleeding inflames my entire pelvic area. It affects 1 in 10 women but despite that, it is not well known or well researched. Being open and transparent I made a decision earlier in my career to be transparent with my condition. When my condition initially got worse I was secretive to my team members about what was happening to me because I was embarrassed and ashamed of it. I only told a select few who I knew would understand. Unfortunately, it meant that there were a lot of people that didn’t. Those people didn’t understand why I needed more flexible working hours. It made working in that team unbearable as their resentment built up. It didn’t matter that I was meeting all my deliverables. There was a perception that I wasn’t putting in the same amount of effort as everyone else, even though in reality, I was overcompensating for my illness and actually causing myself additional health problems.

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In my next role, I decided to be open about my condition and help people understand it better. I didn’t discriminate on gender either. If a male colleague asked me why I was struggling that day I was honest and told them I had a chronic condition where my reproductive organs flare up occasionally. The first time I disclosed it to a male colleague I was petrified of being seen as disgusting or inappropriate. Instead, and every time since then I have been met back with understanding and compassion. A lot of men have wanted to know more about the condition in more detail than I would’ve ever expected. More than a few have mentioned that they have a sister or mother or wife who have the exact same condition. Educating people on endometriosis Early in my career, I told a manager that I had endometriosis but I didn’t delve into detail about what it was, how it affected me and what support I needed (I was embarrassed). This manager found it hard to relate to me and bullied me out of the company I was working in. I learnt through this experience that I needed to be my own advocate and to educate those around me in order to be understood. Understanding

each other is the first step in creating empathy. Endometriosis involves an illness of the female reproductive organs and largely affects a woman’s menstrual cycle; all taboo subjects. I also want to educate people and drive more conversation around the illness to help remove the stigma around endometriosis. There shouldn’t be a stigma against any illness. Additionally, the more awareness there is about endometriosis the better chances more research will be put towards my condition and hopefully there will be a cure one day. Find a good company with excellent leaders Unfortunately, there will be some companies and/ or leaders that will never understand. Those companies care less about people and outcomes and focus more on time in the office and they will tend to hire people who are exactly the same. Therefore I try to find companies with cultures that

align with my values. I find places that are open to flexible working. I work long hours but I may not work all those hours in the office. Some days I can’t walk to work from a flare up but that doesn’t mean my brain is not active and I can’t do my job at home where I’m more comfortable. I find companies with leaders that are outcome focused and not hours focused. I also gravitate towards managers who I believe have compassion and a high level of empathy. I know these types of leaders will know how to best utilize my skills and appreciate what I have to offer even though the way I do my job may be slightly different from everyone else. I find managers who won’t discriminate against me because of my condition. I assess these traits through job interviews, after all, I’m evaluating whether a company is fit for me as much as the other way around.

so recently I requested a standup desk in my office. I don’t know why I never asked for one before, I just didn’t want to be different or seem like I was being precious. I realised this was stupid. In order to perform the best in my job, I need to be healthy and comfortable so I ordered that stand up desk and it has saved my life and hours of productivity. I’m in LOVE with it. In the end, everyone needs to make their own decisions about what works for them. When it comes to managing chronic pain and your job it’s so personal and full of trial and error. This has been what has worked for me and it’s not a formula for how to end discrimination against endometriosis sufferers. I only hope to provide some ideas to try for those that need it and awareness to everyone else.

Make my workspace work for me I only learnt this in the last 6 months. My pelvic pain means I also get a lot of back pain and LOVE YOU MAGAZINE

Q&A H E A LT H

WITH JESSA JAKOVLJEVIC By Jessa Jakovljevic, www.jessajakov.com

What is endometriosis and why is it important to talk about? Endometriosis occurs when the tissue that is similar to the lining of the uterus grows abnormally around other parts of the body, usually around a woman’s ovaries, uterus, and colon. That tissue grows and bleeds every month as if it’s in the uterus but can’t escape so the bleeding can inflame the entire pelvic region. This causes a multitude of other health issues and symptoms. For example, pelvic floor dysfunction, chronic pain, fatigue, painful periods (dysmenorrhea), pain during intercourse, bowel movements and urination, infertility and other symptoms. It affects 1 in 10 women and there is no cure and what’s worse is that it takes on average 7 years for a woman to be diagnosed with this disease. That is largely because the only sure-fire way to diagnose endometriosis is to subject a woman to a major surgery called a laparoscopy and collect a biopsy of the affected area. But even getting to that stage in the journey can be physically and emotionally arduous. For an illness that affects so many women, it is a travesty that there isn’t much awareness or research attributed to it. There are a couple of reasons why I believe this to be the case. One, there is a 52

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misconception that a woman’s periods are meant to be painful so women put off going to the doctor, and when they do doctors will dismiss the warning signs. Second, it’s not comfortable to talk or hear about a condition that wreaks havoc on a woman’s periods. This is why it’s important to talk about endometriosis, to ultimately remove the taboo of such topics as periods, fertility and women’s health and get the women suffering from this disease the help and support they need to manage their condition.

I came home from work one day from a particularly bad endometriosis flare up and I told my boss I was going to go home and continue work there. We had discussed when he joined the state of my condition and the type of support I may need from time to time. He was compassionate, empathic and outcome focused so we built a flexible working agreement that worked for the business and me. Once I arrived at home I positioned myself on my couch (much more comfortable than sitting in my office chair) and continued working. Halfway through I realised how blessed I was to be able to have the flexibility to do this. I was performing well at work based on recent feedback from my

manager and team and yet on the inside, I was not the healthiest person. I was so grateful that my condition had not taken away my career. For a lot of women that has not been the case. I am a member of a few Facebook endometriosis support group and hearing story after story of women suffering in the workplace because of inflexible working arrangements and unsympathetic time-based managers made me feel incredibly sad. I wondered how I ended up with a better situation. So I started to note down some of the things I do to make sure I am taken care of at work in the hopes that some of the techniques I use may help someone else. What are you hoping to achieve by sharing your story? I have hopes it will help someone suffering from endometriosis navigate a corporate world that is unfortunately biased. I can’t change how the corporate world works but I’m hoping my experience can help someone secure a better situation for themselves in their job. Secondly, I wanted to share the positive experiences I have had when I’ve been transparent in my workplace. I believe this is important because it was my biggest fear when considering being open about my condition especially working in a maledominated industry. I needed

the men in my work life to empathise with me if I was going to have any chance of success at work-life balance. I want to clarify that I don’t believe that my experiences are a “formula for success”. Right now, my endometriosis is mostly managed. Managing endometriosis is different and personal for everyone. I’m only hoping that my experiences might help inspire others. What are the most difficult things about managing endometriosis in the workplace? Other than the fact that the whole subject itself is taboo there are many endo sufferers that are accused of lying or exaggerating their illness because they do not fit the stereotypical view of how a sick person should look and behave. Endometriosis is an invisible illness. You could have a 6 pack and look physically fit and healthy on the outside but on the inside, you could be messed up and in a world of pain. It’s the juxtaposition of what a sick person should look like versus how many endo sufferers look like (which is largely normal) that makes managing the condition difficult. When you aren’t believed to be sick your behaviour starts to look unreliable or lazy. Lastly, one of the hardest things I’ve personally had to deal with is the guilt of

even having endometriosis. I feel guilty that I need a different type of working set up to everyone else and will overcompensate to the detriment of my health. One of the hardest things for me personally is accepting what my body can do and can’t do and loving my body unconditionally. What do you think some organisations can do to help women that are managing endometriosis? Working for companies that believe in flexible working is the best thing that has helped me manage my career. Our bodies are made differently due to this chronic condition so it may mean that we need to work at home from time to time to be more comfortable. It doesn’t mean that we’re not great workers, we are, we just need an environment that can nurture our wellbeing to get the best out of us. If more companies are willing to accept less rigid working styles and put less focus on time spent in the office and more on outcome based styles. They may find a better retention rate and increased productivity in the workplace.

the last 10 years since I was first diagnosed and since it’s Endometriosis Awareness Month right now it’s a great time to get involved and learn more about it. Endometriosis Australia - https://www. endometriosisaustralia.org/ National Action Plan for Endometriosis - https://www. health.gov.au/internet/ main/publishing. nsf/Content/58AD1EF08402AC9FCA2582D5001A271E/$File/National%20Action%20Plan%20 for%20Endometriosis.pdf Endo Active Australia - https:// endoactive.org.au/ Here are a few Facebook support groups that have helped me through the years. Nancy’s Nook Endometriosis Education Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/gro ups/418136991574617/?ref=gro up_browse_new Endometriosis Local Support Group - https://www.facebook. com/groups/418136991574617/? ref=group_browse_new Endometriosis Australia Discussion Group - https://www. facebook.com/groups/endoaustraliadiscussion/?ref=group_ browse_new

Where can I find more resources to help learn more about endometriosis and help the cause? There are a lot of resources that have helped me over LOVE YOU MAGAZINE

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