001 - AUGUST 2018
WELCOME TO OUR inaugural magazine WEARING HESSIAN UNDERWEAR and other life challenges FINANCIALLY FIERCE Taking the emotion out of money FOUR EASY STEPS to renovate your financial future WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Your business, your brand
BEYOND SPLITSVILLE A guide to separation & divorce GO WITH YOUR GUT Hormones & health THE DIFFERENT FACES OF ALCOHOLISM Health Report SOCIAL MEDIA NEVER TAKES A BREAK but you can! FASHION CHANGES BUT STYLE ENDURES LOVE YOU MAGAZINE
HELLO LADIES Love from Paula
We urge all women to step out from behind their keyboards and make real life connections!
et us introduce you to Love You!
“The sheer volume of lifestyle and ‘mummy’ blogs tells us that women want to learn more, educate themselves, that it’s something they value. “There used to be regular opportunities for women to come together through church, families or even weekly games of tennis. Now whether it’s because we are time poor or because of a breakdown in those institutions, it can be harder to take time out for ourselves and create connections that are important to our overall wellbeing. “Women really are looking for opportunities to get together, so we’ve created something that covers all areas of their lives.
We urge all women to step out from behind their keyboards and let us turn lifestyle blogs into real life connections Love You is an influential community of women who believe that every woman is capable of achieving wonderful things that can positively change their lives forever. We are a member based organisation that is open to any member of the community. Do you want to be connected with like minded women who have realised that life is short, who want to embrace every minute, laugh, learn, love and live. We want to make sure that we provide our members with high quality information and
events featuring informed and entertaining speakers. We have put together a Panel of Experts who are well respected and highly credentialed professionals from the following industries and fields of work. We cover food, fashion, finance, lifestyle, business, health & beauty, family, fitness, sport and technology. Anything that interests you we have it covered. We will introduce you to some of our experts in this issue. We have membership options for everyone. Does this sound like you? Then take the next step on your journey…..
IN THIS ISSUE
18 THE DIFFERENT FACES OF 01 FROM THE HEART Love you founder Paula Benmayor ALCOHOLISM shares her story A health report 02 WEARING HESSIAN UNDERWEAR 20 SOCIAL MEDIA and other life challenges never takes a break but you can 04 TRANSFORM BUSY into something worth loving
22 WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Your brand is your business
06 15 WAYS TO BE FINANCIALLY FIERCE 26 FASHION CHANGES BUT and take the emotion out of STYLE ENDURES money Getting your wardrobe under control 10 4 EASY STEPS To renovate your 30 COMMUNITY CORNER financial future With Love You expert Gloria Hawke 14 BEYOND SPLITSVILLE Tips for divorce and separation 35 LAST WORD Q&A With Love You expert 16 GO WITH YOUR GUT Gloria Hawke Your hormones and health LOVE YOU MAGAZINE
FROM THE HEART By Paula Benmayor Founder, Love You When I sat down to write this article I really struggled. I spent weeks and weeks thinking about it, I couldn’t work out why it was so hard, why I couldn’t get down on paper what I wanted to say, then I realised it was confronting and challenging because I was trying to write the perfect story.
hen I realised that I don’t have a perfect story so I decided to stop over thinking it and just be honest and real.
Then something great happened! At the age of 48 for the first time in my life, I fell in love. It took 48 years to meet him but boy was it worth it.
I remembered a quote that I read years ago. At the time of reading it, I can remember the impact it had on me. A quote from Elizabeth Gilbert. ‘The woman who I love and admire for their strength and grace, did not get that way because shit worked out. They got that way because shit went wrong, and they handled it. They handled it in a thousand different ways, on a thousand different days, but they handled it. These women are my superheroes.’
We are now a family of 8! We struggle through all the typical things a blended family struggle with, we don’t always get it right, we often get it really wrong. We sometimes wonder how we are going to get through each day. We laugh, we cry, we scream but we feel like we are the luckiest people alive.
This quote sums up my life perfectly. Stuff did go wrong. Some stuff went really wrong. In fact looking back on it I’m not even sure how I got through some things. Let me tell you about some of the stuff that went really wrong - I married the wrong person, I nearly lost my business, I went through a dreadful divorce, I struggled financially, I had to find a new career at the age of 48 and I was responsible for raising 3 young children on my own.
In reflecting on where I am now and how I got through everything, I realised that my close girlfriends played a huge role by providing me with ongoing support, giving me advice, making me laugh but also holding me accountable when I took the wrong path, and let me tell you I took a few wrong paths. While I love this quote from Elizabeth Gilbert, I can’t help but feel its unfinished. It’s missing something. The quote is really focused on the past. What I’m really interested in is the future.
I have this unbelievable belief in women. I truly believe we underestimate the importance of women supporting each other. When women support each other they can achieve anything.
I needed to ask myself “What am I going to learn from the things that went wrong and what am I going to do to move forward?” This is a tough question and one that I don’t always get right. At the same time all of this was happening I realised I was now in a position for the first time in my life to do something that I actually felt passionate about and really wanted to do. So then came the creation of Love You! I have this unbelievable belief in women. I truly believe we underestimate the importance of women supporting each other. When women support each other they can achieve anything. I wanted to create a space for women to come together where they can lean on each other and learn from each other, lift each other up, form new friendships and collaborate with one
another. Women travelling in a pack is truly powerful. Love You offers every woman something unique, something magical, something you can’t do on your own. I am incredibly proud of the community of women we have and believe every woman needs a tribe. So in the spirit of being honest and real the last story I want to share with you is the saddest thing that has happened to me. Fourteen years ago my first child, my first daughter Isabella was stillborn born at 38 weeks. This was the hardest most painful day of my life. I look back on that day like it was yesterday, giving birth to her is so clear in my mind and strangely a memory I will treasure forever. That day changed me, it made me a better person, a kinder person, a stronger person.
I think I am incredibly brave. Giving birth to Isabella was the bravest thing I have ever done, but I’m still no superhero, I still make many, many mistakes, I still question myself, I still doubt myself. Some days I can say you really did well today, some days I look back and say “gosh what happened, you really lost your mind today!” Some days I’m a dreadful mum, an awful partner and a crap friend, but every day I can honestly say I try my very best. Many of you are brave, many of you are strong, many of you are kind and loyal. So let’s be all these things together, let’s write another paragraph to that quote, let’s write our next chapter together as a community of superheroes!
When I asked a few of my friends to describe me in one word they all said the same thing, “brave” and I agree. LOVE YOU MAGAZINE
WEARING HESSIA UNDERWEAR AND OTHER LIFE CHALLENGES By Heather Yelland International Business /Values Coach
s a young girl growing up in the country, I had the freedom of thousands of acres of land on which to run, play, adventure and create, as well as 3 brothers with whom to share those adventures. Miles from the nearest neighbours, we could be forgiven for thinking we were alone in the world. Yet, my darling mum had rules about how the clothes must be hung on the line, with the underwear on the inside lines and all the pants hanging together, just in case someone dropped in and saw the clothes line. Even then, some 40 plus years ago, I would sigh and say, “really mum, what does it matter?”.
Being more of the persuasion of “who cares what others think of me”, it was somewhat baffling to me to make sense of balancing the need to just get the washing dry with my mother’s need to have things “look right”. Then I grew up and realised this was a micro demonstration of one of life’s true challenges. It seems life is a continual journey of wanting to be our true authentic self and trying to be what other people want, need or expect of us. Pulled left and pushed right, we sometimes forget to honour our own truth and walk our own path. Indeed, if we bend and mould to the needs of others for long enough, we can become completely disconnected from our own
connection and meaning, rather than judgement. The human soul seeks connection, understanding and belonging, yet we all too often rob ourselves of the opportunity to experience this because of our own judgement and the need to wear the cloak of happiness – a garment that keeps us apart from others. I first encountered the Love You women many months ago and was delighted to learn of their commitment to supporting people to discover and express their truth and walk a path of authenticity. Being a part of something that supports your growth and learning, challenges you to be your best and nurtures you into truly believing in who you are, enables you to be more YOU. What a great thing to experience in yourself, model to your children, gift your lover and show the world.
After all, everyone stands to benefit from each and every one of us discovering and living the difference we are born to make. truth and that inner wisdom that could so powerfully guide our journey. There’s a strong social discourse for women (and indeed for men too) about what it means to be a woman, mother, wife, daughter, sister, community member and so on. But who makes these rules and who sets the expectations? My sense is we all do, yet we seldom stop to reflect on the impact of these social expectations on how we live our lives. Handed blindly from one generation to the next, we end up conforming to these expectations and wearing the illfitting and out-dated garments of the past.
When finally the garment rubs like hessian, we are usually well into our adult years and too entrenched in the patterns of serving others to know what’s happening to us, how to deal with it or to whom we can go to even share the deeply guarded truth that we’re struggling. After all, I’m surely the ONLY one who feels like this, right?
“Today you are You, that’s truer than true. There’s no-one alive who is Your than You”, Dr Seuss.
This is the power of finding your tribe – that unique group of people who genuinely want you to simply be your best and will stand with you and by you whilst you shake off the old garments and create your own new ones! This is a group where sharing your struggles and vulnerability builds
LOVE YOU MAGAZINE
TRANSFORM BUSY into something worth loving
“So Busy!” Almost every day I get a sense of frenetic pace and business people trying to complete unfinished work. I hear all the time that people are busy and a healthy lifestyle is often the first casualty. Imagine if you could see “busy” from a whole new angle and transform it into something worth loving?
By Madelaine Cohen, As a parent of two very Business Mentor social children, a three-at-
once business owner, author, motivational speaker and non-executive board member my life is sometimes not easy to balance. I used to skid at high speed toward the end of another day feeling overwhelmed by how busy my life had become. One day it dawned on me that being busy was holding me back. I sat in front of 60 new emails, reports that needed analysis and a 150-page board pack and thought about the level of unnecessary self-importance I had created by living the incantation of being busy. It took me a few minutes to realise how often I was replying to, “how are you?” by saying, “busy.” When I really thought about this, the prize for being busy was that it made me feel important and it allowed me to move on quickly with an awesome conversation stopper that was typically asking the
person inquiring about my wellbeing to please not stack anything else into my already ‘bursting at the seams’ mind. There was lots of secondary gain from being “busy” and very little of it was enlightening. Thankfully in my moment of overwhelm I transformed busy into something far more lovable. I decided to transform busy into productive. Busy is defined as having a great deal to do. Being busy may mean success and yet often it is an illusion of success. What is far move lovable than “busy” is to be productive. Productive is defined as achieving a lot. A lateral-thinking strategy to transform “busy” could work for you if you’re looking to mentally switch-off, want more time freedom, a greater ability to prioritise your work and if you want to move toward time for a healthier lifestyle. It will also be helpful if you want to avoid overwhelm, decrease stress
and remove blockages to your success. In business it’s become more of a discipline game to stay on task and complete actions. The pace of work has become instantaneous on one side while the short drive to the nearest shops has become time sucking inaction with traffic on the other. The contradictions are vast. In the late 1980’s the turnaround on a letter was 1014 days, then fax courtesy was a few days to respond. Right now if the response to an email or SMS isn’t half-an-hour in the turnaround questions are asked about whether you received it. Immediacy has created a level of unheard of busyness and yet productivity is evasive. It isn’t easy to be productive with interruptions galore. And yet the truth is that you feel and are busy.
When I think “busy” these days I immediately stop and ask myself, “how can I be productive more than ever now?” This has opened up so many opportunities to leverage my time and find easier ways to achieve more. I am conscious of how often I say “busy” and tell people I am “busy” and I catch myself and instead tell them I’m having a “productive” day. Transforming busy to productive has made the large number of activities I want to achieve each day far more lovable. If this resonates with you try it for yourself.
Madelaine Cohen is an Intuitive without the woo-woo and incense, an entrepreneur, motivational speaker and business mentor who loves to share her light-bulb moments in conscious communication, business success, leadership and making a positive impact. She’s the author of The LateralThinking Entrepreneur book series available from www.madelainecohen.com
LOVE YOU MAGAZINE
15 WAYS TO BE
FINANCIALLY FIERCE & TAKE THE EMOTION OUT OF MONEY
Women are no longer relying on Prince Charming and it seems that sisters-are-doing-it-for-themselves. Despite the fact that Australian women earn $0.83 for every dollar earned by men, women have 22% less credit card debt and are 32% less likely to be financially dependent on their parents. According to Harvard Business Review, if they splurge, they tend to spend on self-care items such as healthcare, skin care or good food. So why aren’t women thriving when it comes to money, investing and building wealth?
By Mary Barker Financial Planner
Daily worth magazine calls it the Female Financial Paradox. They surveyed 10,000 women and found that “While 90% of the respondents to our survey identify themselves as the chief bill-payer and purchaser, and 76% say they’re the primary retirement planner, a full 60% admit their investing and planning skills are below average. Worse, less than half of the responding women actively seek out financial resources for assistance.” A recent study by RMIT found that women’s finances were intertwined with all of their relationships and that talking
about money was an emotional topic. Finance is simple maths, its our emotions that make it tricky. So we have worked on 15 tips to help women take the emotion out of money and work towards financial freedom. 1. Have a big vision The main reason that women don’t make a decision to build wealth is because they don’t believe that its possible. And yet, if you have a vision and a plan for wealth, you are far more likely to achieve it. A 30-year study by Harvard Business School showed how the 3
percent of participants with written goals produced 10 times the results when compared to the 83 percent of participants with no clearly defined goals 2. Pay yourself first Take the emotion out of deciding whether or not to save by asking your employer to debit an amount into savings from every pay packet. You will be surprised how quickly your spending will adjust. 3. Start with 1% If you believe that you can’t save you never will. Start by saving 1% and work your way up gradually. If you are young and single, aim
to be saving 20% of your income. If you are married and have children, work towards 10%. 4. Get educated Take personal responsibility for getting educated about your money. Read a finance blog or magazine, or listen to a podcast. Talk to your friends who are good with money. Women are naturally more collaborative and happy to talk about their experiences. Ask about the good, the bad and the ugly. It’s better to learn from others mistakes than to make your own.
5. Establish a Freedom Fund A day might come when you need to break free from a job, a relationship or a living arrangement. Having a stash of cash will give you the power of choice if you decide it is time to take a walk. 6. Give purpose to every dollar of income It is important to take the emotion out of choosing how much to save and how much to spend. Set up bank accounts for different purposes – lifestyle savings, bills, spending and have the funds you need directed into each account. Only the spending account has a debit LOVE YOU MAGAZINE
card, so that when you go to the ATM, you know exactly how much you can spend. 7. Have regular dates Set some time aside in your calendar to hang out with your finances on a weekly basis. I like to do mine on a Sunday night because it sets up my mindset for the week. I like to plan ahead and know what’s coming up. If I have a hair appointment and a night out with the girls, then I will know to be more careful with small, incidental purchases. 8. Have protection When you’ve met Mr. Wonderful and you’re ready to commit, get a binding financial agreement (pre-nuptial). This needs to be crafted by a legal professional and each party will need to get their own advice before signing. Financial Agreements can be signed at any time in your relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for twenty years. It is never too late to put some protection in place.
9. Combining money Sharing finances is all about proving trustworthiness. If you are living with a partner, start with a joint account for running the home. Decide what each of you is going to commit each week and what expenses will come out of the fund. See how your partner goes with this. Do they contribute regularly? Do they only make the agreed withdrawals? If so, then move to an additional joint saving account for a specific purpose, like a holiday, home deposit or motor vehicle. Again, watch and see if they can be trusted with larger sums of money. If so, move to a joint investment. As a rule of thumb - do not buy a property with anyone that you have known for less than two years. 10. Don’t shop the sales Don’t buy something because it’s cheap and it’s on sale. Chances are you won’t wear it. When you buy the things you really love you will get the use out of them that justifies the expense of buying them. It’s not so much about cost, its more about cost per use.
Everything you’re doing today is creating a stronger financial future for you to live in.
11. Talk to your spouse about money Finance is the highest cause of separation with 43% of separating couples saying money was the reason for their breakup. If your partner is super tight, tell them how you love that you can always pay the bills but it would be great to have some splurge money. Conversely, if they’re the big spender in the relationship, tell them how your love their spontaneity, but its important to you to feel safe around savings and bills. 12. What’s really going on If there is someone that you love who is not good with money and in debt, please don’t rescue them. This includes children, family members, boyfriends, girlfriends and even spouses. Don’t co-sign loans, don’t have joint credit cards, don’t lend them your credit card, don’t go guarantor for them. Love them, support them, keep them close but don’t rescue them. Love them enough to say “no”. Like a little bird leaving the nest, if they don’t learn to fly on their own
they never will. Everyone needs to learn to be responsible for their own money. If behaviour got you into a money problem, then only a change in behaviour can get you out. If you are hiding money and or debt from your spouse, its worth spending some time to explore what really going on for you. 13. Don’t Keep Secrets If there is a reason that you need to keep something a secret, then for some reason, you’re attaching shame, and that’s disempowering. The power of the secret is gone the minute you open your mouth. The more overt you are about financial problems, the less power they have in your life. You need to get things out into the open and talk about your financial struggles. Keeping secrets stops us from experiencing true intimacy. 14. Look after future you Women in Australia will retire with approximately half the super balance of their male counterparts. It’s important
to start planning for your retirement by making a contribution from your first paypacket. According to a study by Yale University, because women generally earn less, and take time off to care for family, they literally need to save $1.80 for every dollar saved by men, if they want to have the same retirement balance. 15. Get Professional Help A financial planner can help you to identify your financial goals and keep you accountable to staying on track to reach your goals. They can also show you tips and strategies to save you thousands. If you think its expensive to hire a financial planner, consider the consequences of inaction. You are important and your financial future is important, and everything you’re doing today is creating a stronger financial future for you to live in.
LOVE YOU MAGAZINE
If you’re like me, your New Year’s Resolutions are now a distant a memory, so, let’s get re-financially-focused with these four simple steps:
Four Easy Steps
By Elaine Davies New Road Property
TO RENOVATE YOUR FINANCIAL FUTURE
1. Renovate Your Equity – Hello Ms or Mr Bank Manager or Mortgage Broker I love letting my clients know how much their properties have come up in value but do you know what your property is really worth? Knowledge is power and after the recent property boom, enjoyed by most of Australia, you may be wealthier than you think. Not only could this help you sleep easier, you may have enough equity to purchase your next or first investment property, which will super turbo your longterm wealth strategy. So, to find out where you stand, get your properties, including your family home, re-valued every year.
Tip a) Make sure the valuer walks into your properties to see exactly what they’re valuing. “Desk top” valuations can be unreliable especially if you’ve renovated since you bought. Tip b) Don’t spook your tenant! To avoid being left with an empty apartment, make sure your Property Manager tells your tenant that you are not selling and simply want to know the value of the property for your own finances. Tip c) Only do this if you’re pretty sure that your property has come up in value. Otherwise, do not let a valuer anywhere near it! Tip d) Once you know how much equity you’ve made, consider drawing down a lump sum to put in your mortgage’s off-set
FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE CHECK… NSW: The Australian Institute of Conveyancers NSW Division aicnsw.com.au The Law Society of NSW, lawsociety.com.au VIC: The Law Institute of Victoria, liv.asn.au Victorian Legal Services, lsbc.vic.gov.au QLD: Queensland Law Society, qls.com.au Queensland Government, qld.gov.au TAS: Law Society of Tasmania, lst.org.au ACT: ACT Law Society, actlawsociety.asn.au WA: Law Society WA, lawsocietywa.asn.au SA: South Australia Government, sa.gov.au AICSA, aicsa.com.au
account. By having a buffer (cash set aside for emergencies), even if you were to loose you job, become ill or were involved in an accident, you’d have a safety net for your living expenses, including your mortgage. See the box above for more information. 2. Renovate Your Mortgage – Hello again Ms or Mr Bank Manager or Mortgage Broker As money is so cheap at the moment, you’ve probably got a good mortgage rate but are you sure you can’t do better? Call around or better still, get your Mortgage Broker to do the work for you and you could end up saving $1,000’s per annum! 3. Renovate Your Will – Hello Ms or Mr Solicitor In these ever changing times, update your will regularly. If you’re one of the 65% of Australians who don’t have one,
make the call now! Only you should be in charge of where your hard earned assets go. Update your will if.... • •
You bought/sold a property You got married or divorced (including de-facto relationships) You had a child or grandchild You changed your mind about who to leave your assets to Any of your beneficiaries circumstances have changed, especially if they’ve died Your executor has died, become unwell or unwilling, changed their name or been convicted of a crime Your financial affairs have changed e.g. you’ve bought a business, set up a self managed super fund or retired
4. Renovate Your Insurances – Hello Ms or Mr Financial Planner Again, revisit your insurance policies if… •
You’ve bought or sold a property
Your income has changed
Your responsibilities have increased or decreased (including having children)
You’ve been widowed, got married or divorced (including de-facto relationships)
There you have it. Tick off these four steps each year and building your wealth will become smoother as you become increasingly empowered. As always, best of luck and feel free to reach out with any property questions or observations you may have. LOVE YOU MAGAZINE
Has your property search flipped from the great Australian dream to a nightmare of foot-stomping frustration and disappointment? Worse, have you given up? Or do you need an expert opinion with such an important decision?
In this inspiring, step-by-step guide, you’ll learn: • 7 proven methods to get your goals in order, keep your mind on track and turn your property dreams into reality (any dream come to that) • 5 fundamental ways to create lasting wealth and protect your financial dreams • 100+ tips and tricks to outwit the realtor, auctioneer and other bidding buyers/everyone in-between?? • INCLUDES: Dozens of heartening, real-life property success stories Whether you’re new to the market or have been around the block a few times, Mind Body Sold! will help you create and take control of your real estate and financial future—using your head, your heart and your smarts.
Well, congratulations, you’re in the right place! In Mind, Body, Sold! seasoned buyer’s agent and celebrated “mind-set” expert Elaine Davies presents your complete guide to buying real estate. Davies provides both the practical skills— when, where and how to buy—and the mental strategies—meditation, visualisation, empowerment—to ensure YOU become the fistpumping, champagne-popping buyer every time.
Alongside decades of real estate experience and her own successful property buying company, Elaine Davies is a “mind-set” expert who has been featured on national TV and radio and in magazines globally, and has three books published on the subject. To find out more visit newroadproperty.com
Live Your Property Dreams • Are you trying to buy your next home or investment property but sick of battling the market? • Are you scared of making a costly mistake? • Don’t have time to learn and action a property investment plan? • Would you like to start or expand your property investment plan but don’t know where to start?
“Getting the right deal at the right price for my client makes my heart explode in a good way!” Elaine Davies, Founder
• Or do you just need a professional sounding board and guidance? Our strategies are easy-to-understand, powerful and life-changing. Let’s create a property journey that’s exciting, fun and successful for you.
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F A M I LY
BEYOND SPLITSVILLE Are you separating or getting a divorce? I donâ€™t have to tell you that divorce or separation is a difficult emotional journey for most. Each week I work with clients as a family mediator to resolve what may seem to be impossible, and never ending disputes. By Gloria Hawke, Each couple I assist is unique, Family Mediator from their ages, family
background and income, but the one common element is the pain and stress felt during this time and the utmost concern for the best interests of their children. Mediation is an alternative dispute resolution process which helps parents remain in control of their parenting arrangements and financial settlements. Here are my top tips for separating parents: 1. Tell your children honestly, gently and clearly The timing and way you tell your children about your separation can be crucial. It is ideal if both parents can agree a narrative around the separation and tell the children together without apportioning blame. It is important to reiterate that both parents still love them and always will. Children often blame themselves for the break up, so take the opportunity to reassure them this is not the case. This is the start of a conversation and it is likely that children will
come back to you with more questions as the reality sets in and they begin living in two homes. 2. Every case is different Donâ€™t rely on advice from family, friends and neighbours. While they are well intentioned, every case is different and you need to seek specialist family legal advice. It can be helpful to do some reading online and speak to others who have divorced for emotional support but remember to get specific advice related to your particular set of circumstances. 3. Keep conflict away from your children Although it can be challenging to keep overwhelming emotions and conflict separate from your children all of the time, children donâ€™t thrive in an environment with conflict and you need to protect them from this wherever possible. Research consistently shows that conflict has negative
effects on children; it can impact on children’s emotional and developmental health and wellbeing now and can affect their mental health and relationships in the future. For example, don’t let changeover time provide an opportunity for lengthy discussion that can result in conflict in front of the children, keep changeover short, sweet and civil when there is any residual tension between you and your ex partner choose an alternate time to discuss important matters. 4. Copy and keep important documentation While you may be on amicable terms with your ex partner now or even living separated under the same roof it is important to try and make copies of all important documents such as bank statements, superannuation statements, records of share ownership, mortgage documents and the like which may be necessary when assessing and negotiating any financial agreements.
You should make copies of the latest statements and work to gather the figures and details in relation to private health insurance, life insurance, and copies of your wills, which will need to be reviewed. 5. Don’t fall into the social media trap Be mindful of the way you use social media such as Facebook and Instagram. It can be tempting to vent your anger or frustration at your ex partner but it could come back to bite you in the future. It’s also important to be careful about how you are photographed, the posts you make or posts made about you on social media. If you are involved in divorce proceedings through the Court you should never discuss the matter or denigrate the process on social media as this can be seen as a breach of the Family Law Act and seriously compromise your case.
6. Little people are always listening Make every effort to not disparage your ex partner in front of your children, this includes talking about them to other adults when your children are in ear shot. This can cause undue stress for your children and make them feel torn between you and the other parent. It may also get back to your ex partner and will only compromise any chances of a positive co parenting relationship. Speaking poorly about your ex partner may feel good at the time but it is putting your children in a difficult position where they will ultimately feel emotionally torn to “choose” sides or protect one parent over the other.
LOVE YOU MAGAZINE
H E A LT H
GO WITH YOUR GUT By Gabby Ratner, Clinical Nutritionist & Heath Coach
Our hormones have the power to elevate our health. When they are out of balance, hormones can cause symptoms like fatigue, skin issues, weight gain, weight around the middle, trouble sleeping, PMS, endometriosis, infertility and PCOS. We tend to accept these symptoms believing it is normal, when in actual fact they are common but not normal.
ormones are your body’s chemical messengers. They travel in your bloodstream to tissues and organs. They work slowly, over time, and affect many different processes, including metabolism, sexual function, reproduction, mood and so many more. For favourable health we need all of our hormones, including the sex hormones such as oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone, to be in the right ratios. Our digestive and liver health are intricately related to our hormonal health. If our digestion is damaged we are less likely to be absorbing nutrients from our food – the very thing our body uses to build sex hormones and detoxify and eliminate the ones we are finished with. The liver comes into play for elimination and if it cannot do this properly these excess hormones recirculate around our body. What Hippocrates knew thousands of years ago seems just as true today… that “all disease begins in the gut.” Those who struggle with digestive problems may have trouble ever achieving hormone balance without first addressing their gut health.
These are the 5 best tips for hormone health: 1. Reduce inflammatory foods that aggravate the gut, Increase cortisol (stress hormone), and increase insulin (sugar regulation hormone). These include sugar, packaged foods, fast foods and highly processed foods. 2. Increase fat intake. Make sure it’s from healthy fats. Don’t eat fats like vegetable oil, peanut oil, canola oil, soybean oil, margarine, shortening, or other chemically altered fats. Choose fats like coconut oil, real butter, olive oil, avocados, nuts, seeds and animal fats (tallow, lard) from healthy sources instead and eat lots of high Omega-3 fish. 3. Eat brassicas: including broccoli, cauliflower, kale, cabbage and Brussels sprouts. These vegetables contain some of the highest levels for materials you need for efficient excess oestrogen detoxification. 4. Drink Bone broth. Bone broth soothes the digestive system and supplies the body with nutrients that can be easily absorbed. Bone broth is full of essential amino acids which are the building blocks of certain hormones. 5. Eat plenty of magnesium rich foods like leafy greens, almonds, dark chocolate. Magnesium is the foundational support for all hormonal functions in your body. Without it, you wouldn’t have the capacity to produce adequate amounts of any hormones. Epsom salt baths are a great way to absorb magnesium too. Sleep, exercise and stress reduction are also important keys to hormone regulation... And greater health.
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H E A LT H
The Different Faces of
ALCOHOLISM Working as an addiction specialist in the Eastern Suburbs of Sydney has brought understanding of the huge variations in the diagnosis of Alcohol dependence that exist in our community.
By Mike Atherton, On the one hand, as the Psychiatrist & consultant psychiatrist to the Addiction Specialist Homeless Health Team at St
Vincent’s Hospital Darlinghurst, I have managed people with chronic intractable addiction to alcohol, which in combination with almost inevitable severe mental illness has left the sufferer destitute, unemployed and often isolated from family. Their physical health is often grossly affected and the end stages of their condition which include cirrhosis of the liver and brain damage can lead to premature death of up to 20 years. The contrast is the middle aged married, professional woman (or man) working part time whilst looking after her growing family, often with limited help from her workaholic husband.
The stress of juggling the competing demands of her career, family and self image can often lead to a need for a relaxant, and our culturally Australian answer is invariably alcohol. It can start as a glass of wine whilst preparing dinner but as other avenues of relaxation get shut down because husband works late and the kids won’t go to bed, one glass can become two and two can become three. What is a glass anyway? An Australian standard drink or 10mg of alcohol barely wets the glass and most restaurant serves are at least 1.5, and many home serves can be 2 standard drinks. Three glasses has suddenly become almost the whole bottle and there’s “no point in leaving that to be wasted”...
Here are some support useful support & information websites www.yourroom.health.nsw.gov.au www.hellosundaymorning.org www.smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au
Habitual use of alcohol can often lead to subtle dependence where alcohol begins to dictate the patterns of the evening and eventually can stereotype the individual, shutting down many of their previous avenues of friendship and fun as they are prohibitive of alcohol. The isolation grows and as the need to drink increases, the need to hide this embarrassing development grows with it. One of my favorite addiction quotes is from an excellent recovery book written by Kate Spiegelman called “Rewired: a bold new approach to addiction and recovery.” She states that “every white lie told, is another brick in my fortress of isolation”.
The justification for the lies becomes the narrative that dictates the every move of the sufferer and eventually it can seem as though the whole world is watching you, waiting for you to slip up. Interestingly, there are often very few external signs of this internal turmoil and women are champions of pushing through the pain and putting others needs before their own. It is often some sentinel event that brings the spiral of despair to the attention of others and often times to the individualthemselves. The shock, guilt, shame and disbelief that follow can seem overwhelming, but they also serve as the best possible prompt to take action.
Many people at this stage still have the full support of their families and meaningful jobs; and their identity and selfrespect are still relatively intact. The commitment to change is greatest soon after the event and the local GP is the best placed person to offer advice, support and consideration of further referral. Alternatively there are many other sources of information available to help people reflect on their situation and hopefully make the changes needed before things get out of hand. We can all benefit from taking a brief look at our relationship with alcohol and asking ourselves “what’s the reality of my drinking?”
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NEVER TAKES A BREAK, BUT YOU CAN.
By Jo Arcldiacono Social Media Influencer
The importance of social media managers in a world where everyone and everything’s a 24/7 brand.
ou never forget your first. Your first influencer, that is. That one person with the account that really drew you in and captured your attention for more than five seconds in the never-ending world of online marketing. I remember mine. Egreis Gjergjani started life on Instagram as The Shoe Queen but quickly managed to create a following so large and dedicated that she went on to build two other businesses (Itty Bitty Toes and By Egreis). She also happens to be a mother of three. Yep, this hardworking mama takes care of business in all sense of the word and I couldn’t help but be inspired by her drive and success. That success is just waiting to be discovered… by all of us. In a world where we’re constantly subjected to unsolicited advice from lifestyle
authorities about ‘putting the phone down’ and living our ‘real lives’, did it ever occur to anyone that there’s also room to celebrate social media for the potential and opportunity it can create when used the right way? Sure, spending 22 hours a day glued to our screens probably isn’t the best idea, but what if the time spent online could actually help build the life you’ve always wanted? If like me, you want to take your ideas to the next level – there’s no better approach than getting your brand and business out into the big, wide, world. But first impressions last – and spreading your message in the right way while ensuring your brand stands out from the rest isn’t always easy. That’s why hiring a social media expert to handle social media account management is becoming the norm. Amongst other things, it also allows you
to focus on what you do best – running your business. When you’re hustling all day and night, sometimes there’s nothing more liberating than handing over the reigns to someone you know can be trusted to grow your online presence, manage your community of awesome followers, and make the most out of the small space you occupy in the world of influencers, marketers, agencies, celebrities and bloggers. In using social media to amplify your business, you’re essentially supercharging your ideas, your products, your reach, and your impact. But knowing the best practices for Instagram, Facebook or Youtube doesn’t just come naturally. All those accounts you’ve been obsessing over? They’ve all had help along the way. There are plenty of basics that once you learn, can change the way you do business.
Think of it this way: Instagram is the visual for your business, Facebook is the voice. When you allow an expert social media manager to take control of your platforms, you’re essentially hiring someone to create, nurture, and continuously develop an entire online brand with the power of a just a few educated clicks. Throughout my time as a social media expert, I’ve built a personal following of more than 255,000 users. In the last year alone, I’ve also helped small businesses around the country gain more than 65,000 followers – each potential customers – each with friends they’re destined to share posts with at some point or another. While it’s nice to think that we all have the extra time to handle our social presence ourselves, it’s not always that easy. A job done well is a job done right, and more often than not you can
spend upwards of five hours a day just commenting, interacting, hashtagging and emoji-ing all over the net to build your reputation. There are so many tips to share and advice to impart – from setting your Instagram account to ‘business’ so you can track the stats and analyse your own data, to never over-hashtagging (more than 11 is a big ‘no no’), to linking Facebook and Instagram so they work in harmony together. But it’s the quality of your posts that matter more than anything – the regularity, the constant flow of content and the announcements is what breathes life into your business. This need for content is constant. That’s why it’s often better to leave the Social Media 101 to someone who does it 24/7.
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By Tracy James Creative Director, Business Communications
brand is not a logo. I like the expression, ‘a brand is what other people say about you when you’re not in the room’. Establishing a brand requires careful thought and attention, and maintaining a brand needs continuous effort and care. Brands are just like relationships. After all, branding is about the relationship you are establishing and building with your clients and customers. Who do you think you’re talking to? The first thing to consider in establishing a brand involves identifying your audience or target market (or several different audiences). What is it they need or want from your business? (Maybe they don’t know they need or want it yet!) What do you want them to think or feel when they think of your brand? The customer experience begins with your brand. Your brand has a personality If your brand were a person, how would people describe them? An insurance company
might have a brand personality that could be described as trustworthy, reliable, caring and helpful. Whereas a funky clothing brand might be seen as playful, cheeky, daring, irreverent. It’s important to take these personality traits or brand attributes into consideration when the brand identity is being developed. Walk the walk, talk the talk These personality traits inform both the visual look and feel (colours, typography, imagery and logo) and the tone of voice - the language used to communicate to your audience. When any communication goes out to your audience, whether it be a social post, an ad, an email or a brochure, it’s important to tick the boxes and make sure the piece is true to the brand personality. This will ensure your brand feels authentic and help your customers to build a solid relationship with your brand. Messaging must always be consistent for your audience to build trust.
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? Establishing a brand requires careful thought and attention, and maintaining a brand needs continuous effort and care, just like relationships.
Colour psychology has a strong impact on your brand identity. When the logo and brand colours are developed they must fit with the personality. The designer won’t just use your favourite colour. They’ll analyse the colours’ meanings and how they fit with the brand attributes. For example, royal and navy blues represent themes such as premium or first class (think ‘blue ribbon’), integrity and trust think police uniforms). Blue is also clinical, clean and fresh. Have you ever seen toothpaste with brown packaging? Red can suggest passion, love, confidence, boldness. Yellow is sunny and positive. Green is environmentally friendly. Purple is mystical or magical. Colours have different meanings in different cultures too, so do your research! Colours also have influence when grouped together. Harmonious shades feel calm, relaxed and organised whereas
opposite or contrasting colours vibrate to create energy and grab attention. These factors will all be taken into consideration when designing the brand identity. Symbolism is hugely important. A logo mark will often draw upon universal symbolism to indicate (even subliminally) what your brand is all about. Personality in action Archetypes are a great way to develop a touch point for your brand. There are archetypes we recognise from popular culture, movies and literature that become a short hand way to recognise a personality type. These archetypes are a tool we can use internally to remind ourselves of what our brand stands for.
becomes easier to check and say ‘would the girl next door talk that way?’ every time you send out a piece of communication. Once you have your brand established, a Brand Manual or Style Guide is an important document that should include guidelines for all communications. This ensures that colleagues and suppliers understand your brand, champion it, and will communicate it consistently and effectively out in the marketplace or social networks. This helps build a consistent authentic brand and builds trust with your customers and clients You’ll build a lasting relationship where your followers will recognise and grow to love your brand. It will keep them coming back again and again.
For example, Bonds might be seen as ‘The Regular Guy or The Girl Next Door.’ Virgin are ‘The Outlaw’. Dove are ‘The Innocent’. Once you’ve identified what archetype fits your brand, it LOVE YOU MAGAZINE
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WITH ELAINE DAVIES, PRINCIPAL BUYER’S AGENT WHY WOULD YOU ENCOURAGE WOMEN TO BECOME PART OF THE LOVE YOU COMMUNITY? Women work better and feel more empowered with empowering women around them. Men have their “boys club”, well, let’s make this one our “girls club”! The experts in the Love You community cover all areas of life and the atmosphere is like a vibrant and supportive one-stop-shop of knowledge.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE QUOTE? “You’ve always been crazy; this is just the first chance you’ve had to express yourself.” Louise from Thelma & Louise (1991).
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FAMILY TRADITION? A big lazy Sunday lunch
WHAT TRAIT DO YOU MOST LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF? My ability to make people relax, laugh and see that things are possible.
www.intuitivehealthhub.com.au | 0425 262 144
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FA S H I O N
FASHION CHANGES, BUT
“Never feel like you have that sense of style that differentiates you from everyone else?”
By Jade Sardon, Developing your own Signature Stylist Style is about identifying your unique style. This style is created based on your personality, profession, body type and personal colouring. It’s about finding the right balance between who you are and the image you would like to project.
At STYLED BY JADE we are extremely passionate about assisting our clients to boost their confidence through what they wear. Research has shown that we attach great emotions to our clothing. Choosing clothing that make us feel good helps boost our overall moods. Our wardrobes are one of our most personal spaces. They are a true reflection of you, created solely by you and filled with all the things you love and have loved over the years. We hold a connection to the garments in our wardrobe with sentimental attachments, memories and reminders of who we once were and who we are now.
If you wake up in the morning and stare at the mismatched coat hangers in your wardrobe and think, what am I going to wear today? You are not alone. I would like share some of our techniques to streamline your wardrobe to make getting dressed in the mornings a stress free pleasure. Start by decluttering your wardrobe. Having a clean well organised wardrobe reduces stress and enables clear visibility and easy access. Being overwhelmed by an overflowing wardrobe with too many options, can cause unwanted and unnecessary anxiety. The dreaded thought of starting the process of decluttering your wardrobe can cause its own level of anxiety. In saying that, organising your wardrobe will help organise your mind. Our tips for culling your wardrobe include: removing clothing that no longer fits due to weight loss or gain, culling clothing that hasn’t been worn in over two years and removing clothing that just doesn’t make you feel fabulous.
At STYLED BY JADE we love to support charities. We encourage our clients to donate all unwanted clothing. There are many local charity shops, organisations and people in need of your donations. Recycling clothing is also a great way to avoid them ending up in landfill. The remaining garments in your wardrobe should be made up of pieces that you love. You should have a timeless collection on high rotation of interchangeable wardrobe essentials that seamlessly work together to create effortlessly chic looks. We recommend culling at the end of each season. Maintaining your wardrobe will eliminate stress. Get rid of anything that is due to be retired at the end of the season. The more work that goes into it and the more familiar you are with each piece in your wardrobe, the less money you end up spending on things you donâ€™t need.
Once your cull is complete group your clothing into categories, for example blazers, jackets, pants, skirts, dresses, tops....... Black velvet non-slip hangers are fantastic. Having the same hangers facing the same way will create a clean organised look. Your very own mini boutique!! There really is no need to rush out the door in the morning in an outfit you are unhappy or uncomfortable in. We advise our clients to prepare their outfits the night before. Lay out all your garments including your shoes and accessories. When you are feeling good you have higher self-esteem and are able to perform at a much higher level in both your personal and professional life. At STYLED BY JADE we encourage you to be the best version of you, through your fashion choices. Your clothes can dictate your moods and thoughts. They change how you carry yourself and how you interact with others.
When you feel good on the outside, you are more likely to feel good on the inside. STYLED BY JADE offers tailor made Personal Fashion Styling and Image Consulting services for both men and women to suit your time, budget and lifestyle requirements. For more information on our services visit www.styledbyjade. com.au
*Quote by Coco Chanel
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HEALTH INITIATIVES LIVIN is all about living your life at the top and destroying the stigma that is attached to mental illness. Connecting, supporting and encouraging one another to talk about their feelings, issues and challenges because “IT AIN’T WEAK TO SPEAK”.
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GREAT GIFTS FOR FATHER’S DAY
Guys can be hard to buy for. Mimsy makes it easy to find gifts men love. Lovable designs, eco-friendly screen printing, quality cotton and stylish cuts, Mimsy has all the right ingredients to make a top-drawer favourite. Pop culture meets style at Mimsy Design. You’ve got male, we’ve got t-shirts!
DAD IS BUSY ASK YOUR MOTHER TEE $45 $36 LOVE YOU MAGAZINE
COMMUNITY CORNER What I’ve always loved about events is the feeling of excitement (and a little bit of nerves) when the doors open and the event begins. By Jami-Lee Titus
ou think to yourself “here we go months of planning, organising and promoting for this very moment, let’s hope they love it!” I’ve organised events from book launches to cooking classes, national seminars to networking events and everything in between. Lucky for me I’ve always had people express their joy, excitement, motivation and gratefulness after an event. Whether it be face to face, through social media or reviews, the hard months prior are all worth it because of those exact moments. What I love about Love You events are that they are so different in scope but the same in purpose. Community. Whether it be a fitness class, a styling session or a business workshop the aim is always the same – community. Having been to so many networking events in my time I know the drill… Register with overly happy event staff and collect your name tag (in my case, nine
times out of ten my name is spelt incorrectly or they can’t find my tag. Then walk directly to the bar and grab a glass of wine – calm the nerves and loosen up. Scan the room and find someone to awkwardly introduce yourself to. Okay now begin 2 hours of hearing about how fabulous everything is going in everyone’s lives, “business is booming”, “the kids are great”, “on a new diet, shedding the kilos” - wow everyone is really winning at life here. My face hurts from fake smiling all night and I’m starving, time to go home. Please don’t tell me I’m the only one? I end up leaving feeling deflated, exhausted from ‘keeping up appearances’ and doubting myself more than when I walked in. When I overhear conversations at Love You events they’re real. Authentic. Honest. There is encouragement for those having a tough week and at the time same there is celebration for those having a great week. No one is pretending to be perfect and
Thursday August 16, 6.30PM
Wednesday September 5, 5.30PM
Thursday September 6, 6.30PM BONDI JUNCTION
HOT, HARRIED & HORMONAL WITH GABBY RATNER
Friday September 7, 7PM MIRANDA
Whether you’re going through perimenopause, menopause, pregnancy or that monthly rollercoaster of emotions we’ve all experienced hormonal imbalances. Get your hormones into shape through natural and healthy habits.
Recently, Love You Sydney moved into Inspire Cowork located in Miranda. Whether you’re a Love You member, an Inspire Cowork member or just coming for a sneaky look at our new office, join us for a night of networking with our neighbours.
Wednesday September 26, 6:30PM, BONDI JUNCTION
Friday October 26, 7PM MIRANDA
Friday November 23, 7PM MIRANDA
SEX, SOULMATES & SIT UPS
BUY, SELL OR RENOVATE?
Whether you’re wanting to add some spark to your relationship, your new on the dating scene or needing to learn how to love yourself first, this event is perfect for both you and your partner. Tips and tricks as well as a few giggles!
no one feels like they need to dull their sparkle either. We celebrate what we can and we learn from, and lean on, when we need. Another difference with Love You events is that they’re based in each area of Sydney, meaning the ladies you meet at our events are the ladies you might see at the local coffee shop or at school pick up. Meaningful connections and socialising with real women from your area is a huge point of difference. It’s always been Paula’s goal to place an event in each area of Sydney to impact as many women as possible and we’re really excited to share our first Eastern Suburbs events with you, with topics to suit every woman.
(NET) WORK IT WEDNESDAY
Why should the men miss out? Love You Sydney Date Night is for the gents as well. Ex-footy players, business owners and men’s health experts, how do you guys come back from “the glory days”.
STEP INTO SUMMER IN STYLE As the winter chills melt away let’s revamp our wardrobes and get ready for our most stylish summer yet… Jade & Nicole from Styled by Jade and Naomi from A Head of the Rest will revamp the wardrobes of real women with real bodies.
It can be an interesting dance the property game and our Panel of Experts are here to help you figure out if you need to buy, sell or renovate and how to get those most out of any decision.
As the Marketing and Events Communications Manager it’s my job (and passion) to design events that create spaces and opportunities for conversations and situations of authenticity to occur. So if you have ideas or feedback, don’t think twice about getting in touch I’d love to hear it! You can email me at email@example.com Love You was created for women just like you and my job is to give the women what they want!!
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WHY GET LOVED UP?
Loved Up Membership is the ultimate membership, providing you with all the benefits of the Love You membership as well as VIP access to our Panel of Experts through discounts on their services, educational content and all events filmed which you can access on our Online Portal. Best of all you can receive the benefit of attending all Love You events at no additional cost!
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MEDIATION SAVES TIME, MONEY & HEARTACHE
Gloria Hawke is a family dispute resolution practitioner specialising in mediation and facilitation. Since 2013 she has mediated more than 300 disputes regarding parenting matters and financial settlement. Empathetic and patient, Gloria ensures that each person is heard and their needs understood. Pragmatic and highly experienced, Gloria has helped people reach agreement in 75% of cases, reducing the need for ongoing litigation and court proceedings.
Q&A WITH GLORIA HAWKE, FAMILY MEDIATOR WHY WOULD YOU ENCOURAGE WOMEN TO BECOME PART OF THE LOVE YOU COMMUNITY? To gain insight, knowledge, build relationships and share ideas with like minded individuals in a supportive and inclusive community, all headed up by a businesswoman and person I respect and admire.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FAMILY TRADITION? Easter – going to the Easter Show each year to see the wood chopping, the fruit and vegetable exhibitions and even the rides and show bags, as well as the annual easter egg hunt. I love buying the treats (egg and chocolate free for Cael), hiding them all over the backyard and watching the kids with their baskets wildly collecting as much as they can as quickly as they can. The kids love this time of year and it brings back great memories of my own childhood.
HOW WOULD YOUR FRIENDS DESCRIBE YOU? • • •
Calm on the outside, paddling frantically underneath juggling work, life and kids Genuine (I hope) A good listener
IF YOU COULD ONLY EAT 3 FOODS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WHAT WOULD THEY BE? • • •
Bread (nothing beats good sourdough and real butter) Mushrooms Cheese (speaks for itself and would go well with the bread)
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WITH DR MIKE ATHERTON, PSYCHIATRIST & ADDICTION SPECIALIST WHY WOULD YOU ENCOURAGE WOMEN TO BECOME PART OF THE LOVE YOU COMMUNITY?
WHAT IS THE BEST PIECE OF ADVICE YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED?
Love You is a fantastic opportunity for women throughout Sydney to join together and become better informed, better connected and more empowered to deal with the everyday challenges they face as modern women in this amazing city. Women are the future of this city and history shows us that it is the rise in education, freedom and acceptance of women in our society, which correlates with the overall wellbeing of our community and society as a whole. There are still huge challenges ahead as I’m sure your readers are aware but through the joining together of women through a common interest which is fun, inspiring, educational and useful to their lifestyle, I’m sure that even greater things can be achieved.
The best advice I have ever received comes from my father, which is fitting because he has always been my greatest inspiration. It relates to preparation for things in your life and is simply “as long as you have done your best, it doesn’t matter what the outcome is.”
WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE ATHLETE? My favorite athlete of all time would have to be Mohammed Ali. I grew up watching boxing with my grandfather who would let me stay up late to watch the fights without my parents knowing. I admired him for his talent, as my grandfather did, but later I went on to read and understand the other side of Ali which in many ways was the greater achievement and one which probably had a much bigger impact on the lives of his followers than his multiple heavy weight titles. Ali’s dedication and commitment to the cause of African Americans and the underdog in general, was the stuff of legend and his humility and ongoing support for good causes despite slowly succumbing to Parkinson’s disease was a great inspiration to me. The nature of his sporting brilliance will hopefully allow his star to shine for many years to come.
IF YOU COULD ASK YOUR PET 3 QUESTIONS WHAT WOULD THEY BE? 1. How do you know what time I will be home every night? 2. What is the secret to unconditional love? 3. Why is Macy (our other dog) digging up my new garden every day?
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