Love & Chaos Magazine Fall 2019

ISSUE 2

FALL 2019

ISSUE 2 FALL 2019

Jacob Pereida

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Not/ Just Grou pies

Stellina Stampouli

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THE HORRIFIC HETERO AGENDA

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Frankie Chigozie

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Josue Garay

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Socha 103

Tristin Brown

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Swerv O Harold

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Marifer Angulo

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DON’T CALL ME QUEER

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THE SAME-SEX MARRIAGE DEBACLE

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Amanda Jewell

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Nadya Lambreva

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SUFFER FOR FASHION

(or whatever)

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Yarisel Estrada

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Jacob Garza

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Tara Goetz-Baros

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Johnathan Moore

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Hassan Fardoun

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MENTAL HEALTH MISCONCEPTIONS

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D’MARIEL JONES

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Bradlio 159 Kat Swansey

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Letter from the Editor

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Editors & Staff

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Hello, fans and readers!

In my first year working as Editor-in-Chief for Love & Chaos Magazine, I’ve learned so much from all the artists and creatives I’ve collaborated with. They have taught me different ways to create, express, and imagine myself and the world around me. I’m constantly growing and learning from all the different people I meet in the process of making this magazine. I’m happy to go on this journey with y’all, to discover what we can do together as a community.

In this issue of Love & Chaos Magazine, you’ll find we talk about male femininity, girls in skate culture, as well as showcasing illustrious art and poetry. The creative team and I curate this content for you, so it’s enjoyable while relevant at the same time. We want our content to spark inspiration, as well as discussion amongst the community. We want our content to open eyes, open minds, and open hearts.

As always, the creative team and I strive to recognize, celebrate, and connect artists and creatives in Austin and abroad. We’ll continue to create and inspire, as long as y’all do the same for us. Make sure to check out our events, where you can get more involved with our interactive activities and partners. A huge thanks goes to the creative team, as well as y’all who make this magazine possible.

Much Love, Matthew Zambrano Editor-in-Chief, Love & Chaos Magazine

EDITORS & S TAFF

MAT THEW Z AMBR ANO @lovechaosmagazine Editor-in-Chief Matthew Zambrano, a 23 year-old film photographer, birthed Love & Chaos Magazine in January 2019. His passion is to fortify and unite artists, creatives, and the community. His mission is to celebrate and recognize local artists and creatives for their accomplishments, from amateurs to professionals. On an average day, you’ll find him working with his creative team, collaborating with artists on new projects, and exploring the artist community to find the next big thing. In his down time, he hangs out at Greater Goods Coffee Roasters with his girlfriend Sara. He still loves to shoot film photography from time to time.

JAKE GOODMAN @goodmangooddesign Design Director “When asked for an artist’s statement, I’ll typically respond, half-cheekily, with ‘I like pretty things and I like to make pretty things’ because every time I try to be serious, I end up rolling my eyes in mockery while reviewing what I’ve written 1.”

1 I tried to write this in third-person voice, but I couldn’t help hating it.

JADEN GONZ ALES @jadenisrad

PAY TON W YAT T @paytot

Event Coordinator

Creative Journalist

Jaden Gonzales is our event coordinator for Love & Chaos Magazine. She’s a multi-creative person who is passionate about photography, creative writing, styling, and modeling. Her spit-ball ideas on venue decor would turn into finding artists, musicians, and vendors to help embody the heart of the magazine. Event coordination for Jaden is about bringing artists, creatives, and the community together while making it into an art form as she goes. She connects the community together by providing electrifying music, playful interactive activities, and a stellar ambiance for all our events.

Payton Wyatt is an 18 year-old editorial and portrait photographer based in Austin, Texas. Photography has evolved from a hobby to a central part of his life and identity. He’s heavily influenced and inspired from music and movies, specifically films released from entertainment studio A24. Some of his favorites including Hereditary, American Honey, and 20th Century Women.

With regards to his creative career, he likes to keep his options open to work with artists and creatives all over, as he never knows what opportunities may lay ahead.

NOL A @itsnolababe Creative Journalist Nola is a young, lesbian writer with a love for raw, real storytelling and human nature. She attended Austin Community College after being homeschooled. Nola took a break from school to begin her modeling career and has lived in NYC and Tokyo for work. She loves poetry books, Thai food, peonies, hacking, and the beach.

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jakob pereida @jakobpereida

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Stellina Stampouli @stellina.stampouli

Stellina Stampouli is a photographer from Greece, currently living in Austin, Texas. Her imagery conveys strong emotions through the use of different light, textures, and colors. She associates her photography with sounds for the viewer to feel and understand the moments captured. Stellina had her first photography exhibition in 2017 titled ‘Lux in Tenebris’. Her photos have been featured in prominent print magazines and online publications such as Picton, Fated Magazine, Analog Arithmetic, If You Leave, For Her Collective, London Athens Artlink, and Raw Magazine.

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SK8R GIRLS YOU SHOULD BE

Not/ Just Grou pies

FOLLOWING ON INSTAGRAM

Nola

Skateboarding has been popular in Austin for as long as I can remember.

As a kid, I would hang out with skater boys exclusively. They would take me to eat donuts and act extra tough about their wounds inflicted from their means of transportation.

The summers seemed less hot back then, and Arizona tea ran through my veins. I have always had a certain affinity for skater boys because, in my mind, it was only boys who skated. They had their girlfriends, and we would all hang around in chokers and knee-highs, but we wouldn’t get on a board ourselves.

The closest girls got to skate culture was roller derby, a dangerous and badass sport in its own right. There was a segregation between the two, one was for girls and the other was for boys. This attributed to the overarching problem of ideological territory and how we use gender as a tool to divide people. There are, of course, notions of what sportsmen and sportswomen should be doing.

Whole arguments have been had over what belongs to who or who did what first. Unfortunately, this is what happens when a subculture becomes tainted by the mainstream.

30 Skating started growing in popularity in the 60s, and back then, both men and women skated on equal footing as they could get. In the 70s, it became more heavily associated with the punk rock scene, the punk rock scene being very associated with masculinity.

What’s ironic about the punk rock roots of skate culture is how skaters will play into the mainstream ideals of what women ‘should be’ while also resisting the man and society. Any established and male-dominated space, sub or mainstream, will have brave women pushing boundaries and making changes. There are women all over the world skating and changing the scene at the same time. Either that or they need to be masculine, ‘one of the guys’, and reject any femininity whatsoever.

Some of my favorite photos are of girls in India who skate in colorful saris, which is an amazing site to admire when someone translates their style and actions into legitimate activism. Women are making their way in skateboarding all over the world, from young girls in Afghanistan to Instagram influencers in the US who all shred. But the popular idea for years was that women are meant to be sexualized if they skate or on the sidelines cheering for their boyfriends if they don’t. This is what the media portrayed. Along with the fact that when it comes to the pros and greatest skaters of all time, women aren’t included in these lists.

Women who do rise to prominence in the skate community are treated as an exception rather than the rule.

A recent trend in male skaters I’ve witnessed lately is skater boys who are sensitive and emotional, real Mac Demarco types. While these men change the ideals of what male skaters look like and act like, there is a new type of influencer changing what a

NOT JUST GROUPIES woman’s role is in skating. These girls rock everything, from outfits that look straight off of Fashion Nova to mom jeans with Wrangler tees. They market their aesthetic and skills to attract the attention of brands like Skull Candy and Dollz Kill. These girls will travel around and skate together with a, “Fuck

you, I’m doing me,” mentality that a lot of people admire. These girls boast follower counts over 50K on the low end and typically expand their love of skate into business ventures and events as well. They are, to use a term I don’t particularly enjoy, definitely boss babes. While these personality shifts can be seen

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as just shifts, I think they should be viewed as an overdue next step towards gender equality. We should be able to celebrate what makes us great men, women, and anything beyond the binary but also step away from confining certain styles and hobbies to a certain gender norm.

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D’Mariel Jones @dmariel_jones

D’Mariel Jones is a Texas native, residing in Austin for about 10 years now. He is a singer, actor, model, and dancer who enjoys storytelling and activism through art. He is not afraid to take risks and create challenging art. He is currently attending TCU in Fort Worth, Texas for Musical Theatre. “The Deconstruction of Masculinity” series is D’Mariel’s creative directing debut and you can expect more thought provoking and unique projects in the future.

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Fluidity “Fluidity” explores the controversial topic of gender and its role in dress. Society has taught us that there is a strict divide when it comes to what men and women can and can’t wear. Clothing is genderless and you can’t accurately determine someone’s gender or sexuality based on their fashion expression. People should be able to wear whatever they please.

THE HORRIFIC HETERO AGENDA Payton Wyatt This past summer I moved back with my parents for a month until my lease began for my apartment in August. I absolutely loved getting to spend that time with my family in the childhood home that raised me to be the person I am today.

The home where I planted a garden in the backyard every spring after enlisting help from my dad to till the soil in preparation. The home where my favorite thing to do was to climb the tree in the front yard. The home where I discovered my identity as a person, and more importantly the person I want to do to others.

Being back with my family after a year of living on my own it became evident how different the life I lead now is from the one I led while I was with them. I became hyperaware of arguably insignificant things that occurred within the house. For example, my sister would watch the new episode of The Bachelorette every week, something I wouldn’t have even noticed before moving out; however, now it was something that I did notice and couldn’t help but listen to from my room. It got me thinking and fantasizing about the possibility of a bachelor/ bachelorette that identified as queer.

Though I quickly realized that this would spark an uproar from the loyal viewership the show has amassed.

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THE HORRIFIC HETERO AGENDA Producers of the show along with the viewers would likely be quick to state that they only disagree with this idea because it is too different from the history of the show or wouldn’t be “on brand” for them to do. If I wanted to be pessimistic about this hypothetical scenario, I could boil the disagreement down to the subliminal homophobic nature of society. While that could remain partly true, I believe it is much larger than that. We have always been fed the same stories of a man and a woman falling in love. These stories are projected everywhere: television shows, movies, music—the list could go on but you get the point.

With this constant exposure to heterosexual relationships we have been conditioned to view this as the “normal” or “default” sexual orientation. This constant

misrepresentation in popular media inherently paints homosexual individuals as an abnormal subset within the rest of society. The 2015 marriage equality ruling in the United States was monumental and long awaited; however, it also highlighted other areas that still need improvement within society to achieve true equality for the LGBTQ community.

Phenomenon like heteronormativity and misrepresentation are at the backbone of the inequality still in place against LGBTQ individuals.

Although heteronormativity certainly existed prior to the popularization of broadcast television following World War II, TV series showcasing heterosexual couples were now enjoyable from the comfort of your own home. The “traditional” family was further

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established through nearly every popular television show. To jump forward a bit, before she was a daytime talk show host, Ellen Degeneres produced and starred in a sitcom titled Ellen. The early seasons of the show rated well with critics, allowing it to be renewed several times. It wasn’t until Degeneres’ coming out as lesbian, both in real life and within the show, that the sitcom hit a “critical plateau.”

Receiving criticism from widespread media, ABC (the network the show was broadcasted on) was quick to attempt to minimize the angry public. Viewers would now receive a “parental discretion is advised” disclaimer before each episode of its final season, simply for containing a lesbian character (something any show displaying heterosexual relations was never required to do).

Regardless of the public’s opinion on the show, Ellen Degeneres was able to publicly begin the normalization of the LGBTQ community.

Jumping forward again, the long running PBS children’s show Arthur showcased a same-sex marriage in the opening episode of its 22nd season. Quite honestly, I wasn’t aware the show was still around up until this year when, to no surprise, this episode sparked mass amounts of controversy.

Petitions launched nationwide in an attempt to stop PBS from airing the episode, many stated that they didn’t believe the subject matter of same-sex marriage to be appropriate for children to watch. This belief however fails to acknowledge the double standard when making this claim. If the subject of same-sex marriage was not appropriate for children then why are heterosexual relationships in television shows not subject to the same scrutiny?

38 Even staple characters like Mickey and Minnie Mouse have been presented as a romantic couple to generations of children, yet there has never been any issues regarding their fictitious relationship.

Throughout the research for this article I came across several articles that criticized shows such as Modern Family for their portrayal

of a married same-sex couple in the show. Most of this criticism comes from a failure to recognize that the show is comedy driven, which of course means that this couple is commonly at the center of many jokes, but given the genre, every character is used to create jokes.

In my experience growing up as a closeted gay male, even seeing shows/films showcase a samesex relationship was extremely important to me, I felt seen. It served as a reminder that there was nothing wrong with me.

Representation in popular media is incredibly important with regards to normalizing a certain topic such as same-sex marriage.

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My Brothers’ Keeper “My Brothers’ Keeper” explores the many stigmas placed on black boys. We aren’t allowed to be soft, we can’t cry, we can’t be vulnerable; we must be hard, we are aggressive. Often times told to “be a man”, or “man up”. We don’t often smile and we bottle up how we truly feel, because that is what we are taught.

The drugs intertwined, symbolize unity and the unbreakable bond amongst my fellow black brothers.

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41 I think we have talked enough about the negative impact that heteronormativity has had; to me, the most beneficial way to rebel against the hetero agenda is to highlight where artists and media have successfully begun to equalize representation.

While the mega popular television show Euphoria centers around a drug addicted teen, it also manages to tackle the issue of growing up queer in the technology era (don’t worry, there’s no spoilers if you haven’t watched yet). The show takes a creative angle at approaching the topic of queer youth. Although many characters experimented with their sexuality throughout the first season, none of the characters had a formal “coming out.” Alongside this, the show put no importance on attempting to label the characters’ sexualities, something that has become more commonly place in the real world. I was even unaware one of the main characters was transgender until the third or fourth episode.

Most shows would be quick to use a character like this as a diversity token, exploiting their identity to create a sense of representation.

Euphoria has taken such a natural approach to this subject matter, I was finally able to focus on other subplots instead of worrying what each character was trying to label themselves as. We have some time to wait before the second season premieres so if you haven’t borrowed your friend’s HBO login to watch it yet I highly recommend that you do.

When I mentioned “most shows” earlier, Pose on FX certainly does not fall under the category of shows that exploit their characters.

Diversity and representation are the backbone of the entire show,

including a cast of primarily trans black women. Although it is set in the 1980s and 1990s, the subject matter still proves relevant today.

Pose fearlessly addresses issues that affect transgender individuals in a fashion that is able to highlight the strength and resilience of the community, the strength and resilience to lead the life you know you’re meant to live. Although it wasn’t expected, I have found Pose to be extremely educational as well, making me into a more empathetic individual. Perhaps I am a little biased, but I would say this is another must watch.

Now I could go on about the importance of representation and the detrimental impact of heteronormativity on the LGBTQ community, and before this turns into an article about my favorite queer artists, I will leave you with a quote that I feel sums up the entire message I’m hoping to convey.

“I believe that telling our stories, first to ourselves and then to one another and the world, is a revolutionary act. It is an act that can be met with hostility, exclusion, and violence. It can also lead to love, understanding, transcendence, and community.”

Janet Mock writer, producer and director for Pose

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frankie chigozie @drawnbyfrankie

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Josue Garay @juice_garu

here be a man with glowing bright armour he strides up on the dessert, the plains the valleys. he brings, not love, not justice but slumber. what hope is there left then, what fight in me worth more than nothing my heart the size of my fist, i grip it with desperate intensity. view the coming sleep, not with restraint nor somber futility but fury, a kindling flame burning, desperate, rage there a man with glowing bright amour here, i, with blinding anger and heart set aflame

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have you stared upon the face of god have you thought about the way he looks at you what constellations and universes can be viewed on just her cheek or perhaps they way their sigh resulted in the clouds of heaven and the flames of hell what way does god view me a bad religion sense bitter crys interrupted by a parental tone of pray to him no use in bitterness its the only road they’ve ever taken his eyes are the setting sun and the rising moon staring attentively at the spinning globe why does she only stare why don’t they speak to me with one word god made light yet one word not heard perhaps i’m not listening

58 farewell sleepless nights! farewell nightmares and broken dreams! i now know the good of everything i know the sunsets and how the birds sing i am glad to be alive to think to breathe

blessed with thoughts of joy and bliss. of love and righteousness, gifted by god himself all thoughts of good all thoughts of god thoughts of desire and hurt of passion,of deceit brought upon the devil all thoughts of wrong all thoughts of the devil all thoughts of god. all thoughts of the devil. which thoughts are mine?

59 it is in that moment that i saw or experienced that which brings fear onto us all i experienced a profound loneliness a loneliness which can be described as a phase in the moon which for nights is there, but would dwindle everyday nevertheless, it was there. as was the anxiety a profound loneliness not even the stars nor the planets had yet to see. a loneliness defined by the very moment and sadness or the inevitable. a loneliness that in itself was a paradox, a loneliness which stings but doesn’t kiSir please, are you gonna order anything?

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oh how the sun is shining oh can you hear the screams of a generation blinding yes blinding not deafening but blinding i’ve opened my eyes i see it all so clearly now i see the hope not yet born i hear the blooming dreams not yet deferred still born not grown but fully realized i see the sky i see heaven oh how i see the sun shining

61 my anger is the noose which chokes my neck and fogs my understanding it is the silent scream stuck inside my throat even as the sun sets and rises, my anger does not dry nor shrink but if i keep my heart burned in flame of my everlasting hate, soon my joy would seem out of place and would grow to betray my natural act of rage. serenity seems rare, as winters continue to pass, and yet my anger is the passion and fire that fuels my coal run train of my mind the match that sets aflame my actions, to control my anger would be the key to my success so in turn, trust me to trust my own mind and heart though it burns my soul and cause my tears to be bitter i must trust myself

Tristin Brown @tristinbb

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Marifer Angulo @mari.angulo

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THE SAME-SEX MARRIAGE DEBACLE Payton Wyatt

Disclosing one’s sexual identity is not always a simple task; it actually is quite the contrary for many who find themselves in this situation.

It can be incredibly mentally taxing for an individual to hold a secret of this magnitude for, depending on the person, large portions of their lives. Many know that if they disclose this information their family, friends, housing and even their career could be placed in jeopardy. In many cases, this is a risk they are not willing to take. Instead they suppress the growing thoughts and emotions, shrugging them off as a phase that will pass with time. With these actions, individuals begin living their lives for others, allowing their true selves to be sat on the bench like a lousy athlete destined to observe others play. So, weeks, months and sometimes years go by that an individual continues to put themselves on the sidelines. Periodically, the feelings disappear, convincing the individual that they have left for good. Then, with unrelenting resiliency, these thoughts and emotions come back. This unfortunate situation is not always the case, many have a blissful experience coming to terms, disclosing and then living with their sexuality. Regardless if one has a positive or negative experience, they likely will become a model of bravery for others who find themselves, to make use of a popular phrase, still in the closet. Due to their inherent exposure, celebrities such as Ellen Degeneres have been

81 able to inspire and spark change in the world for LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) rights.

Although she certainly wasn’t the first openly queer public figure, she started much of the conversation that would begin to familiarize the public with the normality of identifying as gay. Degeneres used her influence to spark radical change, transitioning the previously taboo subject into something printed on the cover of Time magazine with the caption “Yes, I’m Gay.” Regardless if an individual comes to terms with their sexuality with ease or much difficulty, they should never feel or be treated as secondclass citizens. Federal legislation mandating same-sex marriage as legal within all of the United States has only become a reality within the past three years, which truly has not been a long period of time. Prior to this federal law, certain states were given the choice to make same-sex marriage a legal practice within their boundaries. Same-sex marriage, although to some immoral, unorthodox and even blasphemous at times, is a concept that should always be treated and accepted as customary due to: it being a basic human right, religion should not be taken into consideration for its legality, and it is a necessary way for society to progress into a more inclusive environment.

Firstly, on a legal note same-sex marriage should never have been considered an illegal practice prior to 1967. This is due to the Supreme Court case of Loving v. Virginia. This case primarily focused on the civil rights at the time, meaning the case was brought into court to discuss the legal nature of interracial marriage.

Regardless of what the case focused on, a specific quote issued into

law by the ruling can be applied to marriage as a whole, thus including same-sex marriage. Marriage, as stated by the Supreme Court is “one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free men”. As a result, this states marriage to be a concept that is equal to man, not taking into regard: race, social status, financial status or ethnicity. One might ask why

same-sex marriage wasn’t made a legal practice along with interracial marriage after this ruling. Perhaps same-sex couples were overlooked out of negligence, ignorance or even due to discrimination. With the way the queer community was treated throughout the twentieth century, the latter may seem to hold quite a bit of truth in that

82 generalization. The truth may be that no one will ever know why it took so long for gay marriage to truly be taken into consideration as a legal practice.

To expand, diversity has always been a staple of the United States; commonly referred to as the “melting pot”, the United States takes pride in the widespread demographic from all walks of life that is drawn into the country. However, this apparent diversity was suppressed from being fully embraced due to legality barriers. Comparatively, with interracial marriage having been illegal, races were figuratively segregated from each other. Without the option of future marriage, couples of different races were not given incentive to have relationships. Sure, they were allowed to be in relationships with one another, but without the prospect of future marital bonds they would consequently view their relationships as subordinate to other couples who belonged to the same race. This concept can be expressed by the phrase “monoracial privilege”.

Meaning that couples of the same race inherently received a token of privilege simply for sharing the characteristic of belonging to the same race. The same concept can be applied to straight couples; simply for being opposite sexes, it was accepted as normal and immediately allowed to be lawful to be married. Likewise, something as simple as marriage being outlawed takes a toll on an individual’s outlook on themselves, causing those who identify under the LGBT umbrella to maintain their sexuality a secret out of fear of being viewed as less than or invalid.

When attempting to picture the pros and cons of same-sex marriage, it is nearly inevitable to avoid religion as being a major proponent of opposing same sex marriage. Many will recognize it as valid to hold the position of opposing same-sex marriage due to their specific religious beliefs. To elaborate, “78% of Americans identify with some form or denomination of the Christian religion,” and many view same-sex marriage as a practice that uproots their held religious position entirely. Stating that it contradicts what is written in scripture from their various sacred texts. This opinion, although a valid position to hold, is equally as outdated as it is discriminatory. To solely use religion as a reason to systematically deny the acceptance of same-sex couples as valid members of society is to allow religion and government regulations to go hand-inhand. This is precisely what a County clerk in Kentucky has tried doing. Being the clerk, one task Kim Davis

THE SAME-SEX MARRIAGE DEBACLE is posed with is issuing marriage licenses to couples seeking them. In the wake of the 2015 Supreme Court decision to rule same-sex marriage legal in all of the United States, Davis would now be obligated by law to distribute marriage licenses to same-sex couples if they happen to come to her for the service.

Being a stern Apolostic Christian, Davis holds her religion as a very important aspect of who she is as a person, and by distributing marriage licenses, although it is her job, to same-sex couples means she would have to “violate a central teaching of Scripture” and even goes as far to say it is a “Heaven or Hell decision”. This would all be valid opinions for Kim Davis to hold, unless she is employed by the government to serve the public, which she is. Being a government employee, the new law of legal samesex marriage supersedes any opinion held against it by any government employees. This issue could easily be avoided by simply requiring same-sex couples to seek licenses from a different County clerk. But why make same-sex couples travel further to receive a license when straight couples are not required to do so as well? The issue of religion, as seen repeatedly in the past, is complex and sometimes there is no “right” answer to solve the conflict.

However, one thing, regardless of the situation, holds true: religious beliefs and government operations must remain separate entities as long as Separation of Church and State is practiced within the United States.

Although religious beliefs are certainly one of the major reasons for opposing same sex marriage, it isn’t in every case. Many oppose the practice simply because it wasn’t

legal or talked about in the past, that they believe it still shouldn’t be legal or talked about today. Countless individuals find safety and security in maintaining the current methods of operation, often thinking that if it seems to have worked in the past, then why change it? This mindset, although a seemingly safe way to live, is only bound to bring about more issues to be dealt with. It is necessary for society, government officials and legislation included, to morph to the ever-changing world.

To not acknowledge or address the topic of homosexuality is to make the individuals feel as though they are second-class citizens or less than their peers. Schools can be places where individuals may feel most isolated or out of place.

An experiment was conducted, surveying dozens of selected openly gay individuals from around the world, their responses were documented and nearly all of the individuals stated they “felt misplaced among peers in school, and sometimes even in their own families”. This goes to show that queer individuals, regardless of where they live experience some sort of social tension. Manuel Lopez, a graduate of Harvard Law School, provides a unique perspective on same-sex marriage. Being a gay male himself, he has been able to realize and examine the shifting tides in society. He has witnessed that younger generations tend to support gay marriage more than older generations, stating that “the case for gay marriage largely boils down to the simple claim that everybody should be treated the same way,” which is true in many ways. Although this belief largely relies on emotion, it is still absolutely a valid opinion.

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Both sides of the issue share their pros and cons, and both sides also share their correct/incorrect methods of advocating for them. As for those in favor of gay marriage, marches and protests are ways to make minority individuals ensure that their voices are heard. But these marches need to be a unifying event, not something that further divides the country. For those not in favor of same-sex marriage, advocates such as the extreme Westboro Baptist Church are certainly not the correct way to advocate for their viewpoint, as they only ever bash those who do favor same sex marriage. Advocacy is definitely a tricky topic, but it is simple to find a happy medium to rationally have your voice heard.

The topic of same sex marriage is known to be a rather heavy hitting topic, meaning that strong emotions are commonly held by those on either side of the spectrum of support.

As a society, it is important to set aside our differences, swallow our pride, and learn that society shares more similarities than differences.

Although outlawing same-sex marriage is illegal both in terms of violating the “Separation of Church and State” clause, but also violates laws set in place for other marriages.

Unity is scarce these days, the media influences society so easily that it is simple to shift ones view to what they are told to believe on television. Society, as stated before, has more in common than it is given credit, it is these minute differences that should allow the world to grow into a more open-minded and accepting place to live for all people, regardless of their race, sex, or even sexual orientation.

Nadya Lambreva @hopelamber

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Yarisel Estrada @yariselestrada

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@tarabaros

Tara Goetz-Baros

95 Hey there! I’m Tara Goetz-Baros, a model and self-portrait photographer based in the Austin/ San Antonio area. I’m very much an introvert, and modeling has given me the ability to express my emotions and passions. I always hope my work conveys those feelings to those who view it.

96 My self-portraiture, especially this set, came from a place of restlessness. My husband and I recently picked up our lives in Austin and moved to San Antonio for a new job opportunity. We lived in Austin for over 4 years, and I fell in love with the creative community, there. After moving to San Antonio, I felt like my growth was at a standstill, considering I had not yet found the same type of community in this city.

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99 I always feel like I need to be busy shooting and planning and getting things done, and I noticed I was seriously slacking on my art. I needed to create. I needed to express. And I needed to share. I had to find my own way to growth and expression, and I believe I found it. This self-portraiture is a new venture, and it’s something I’m extremely proud of. The feedback I have received has been heartwarming and has really given me the confidence to just roll with my ideas and emotions and share my heart with everyone.

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@tarabaros

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Hassan Fardoun

i am yours having found you, there is no moment in my life more significant no barrier i would not overcome to reach you no restraint on the power of my love. i have never fully opened myself to any human being, and having found you my soul opened wholly to yours alone you are my calm, my other self, my better self, my tortoora. i am bound to you, not by vow, nor by will, not by law, but by divine grace. god knitted together our souls, and only he knows how much i love you. i am not my own— i am yours... to my one and only, tortoora ~ h.f.

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Socha @sochasochasocha

Socha is a holistic artist who is passionate about many mediums, touching on themes of ebb and flow, softness in strength, and beauty in vulnerable human figures. While in the past her main focuses have been music and experiential events, Socha began experimenting with gouache paint in the summer of 2019. Since then, Socha has enjoyed the fluid nature of this medium, and created her “Lover by the Window� series, a collection of pieces that captures quiet moments of stillness with her partner. This particular piece features bold colors and simple lines, in order to create a more simplistic, childlike feel.

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swerv o harold

@swerv_o_harold @theorangenoir

Artist/business major who’s been seriously pursuing his creative endeavors since 2015. A major goal of my art, simply put, is to evoke an emotion; whether good or bad, and to grab a bit of that person’s time thru them stopping to view the art. The start of 2019, I launched my brand “The Orange Noir” to compliment and to be an extension of my art, and to make it more accessible to all.

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DON’T CALL ME QUEER Nola

My BEST friend was a girl.

It was a sunny day at a public pool, the water was pretty. She lived in West Lake Hills. We were young, so young that the thought of hate was foreign to both of us. I had just learned what kissing was, I had seen it but now I had a word for the action. We were swimming together and I told her we should kiss.

hands moving to keep her under the water. I swam forward and closed my eyes. It was an extremely chaste kiss, we broke apart and swam up. I smiled when my head breached, but she stuck up her nose.

“See what it’s like!” I explained.

I laughed it off. I didn’t feel weird, I thought it was OK. We spent the rest of the day together. Later my mama told me that Miss Stephanie (Her mom) didn’t want me around her daughter anymore. My mom asked me what I did wrong.

I was excited, I had always been an energetic child. She was nervous, looking around when I said it. She said she was worried someone might see. That seemed silly to me.

“We can go underwater, nobody will see us.” I said.

She thought about it for a second before agreeing. We both counted down from ten seconds before going under the water. My eyes were open for a second, I saw her brown hair floating in the water above her, her

“That was weird, you’re weird.”

She stuck her tongue out.

“Nothing!” I cried.

But she was angry anyway.

I guess I was weird. Weird enough that my mom took me out of my class, sending me to a Montessori school instead.

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Some people remember when they learned what being gay was.

I don’t. Can’t have a connection to something you’re unaware of, though. So, I did at some point.

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I didn’t have any friends that were girls. All the girls at Paula’s (That’s what we called the little Montessori school on the east side that I attended) hated me. They pulled my hair and stole the books I wanted to read. But all the boys loved to talk to me, especially one. His name was Willie. None of the boys liked him, they thought he was too soft.

He was my new best friend, we just sat together. I liked art and he liked science. I was wild and he could deal with that, he was sensitive and I forgot he was. We played video games on his PlayStation and went hiking. He was weird too.

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I used to cry in the dessert. My cousins never trusted me, they stole all my toys and told me off. I would just sit alone and think. An artist will think.

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116 My mom has her girlfriends over, a gaggle of made up Mexican women that couldn’t speak a word of Spanish and smelled like cheap perfume. They brought their daughters, Eleanor and Taylor. Their fathers greeted my dad with two whole boxes of Dos Equis and fast paced Spanish. Soon a gathering was a party and it was late at night. I sat in a circle with the girls, they giggled and gabbed about boys. The boys sat in a separate circle, occasionally looking over.

One of the boys was Willie. This entire thing seemed dumb to me.

“FIA! That blond boy is totally eyeing you, you should ask him out.” Taylor squealed.

I looked over. All the boys were blond, what a dumb descriptor.

The girls had also mentioned how jealous they were of the fact that I already had boobs, how we should all go shopping for a bra for me.

That boys loved that stuff. I honestly didn’t care. It was odd that they did in my mind, but I reminded myself that I’m the weird one.

“Which blond one?” I asked.

Taylor scoffed and Eleanor side eyed me.

“Assuming that they all like you, that’s funny” Eleanor said, “But the one in the blue shirt.”

I looked over again, scanning the small group. Willie, he always wore blue. I looked back at them confused.

Me and Willie we just friends. I just stared at them blankly and they stared back for a second before diving back into a conversation that I opted myself out of.

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Taylor and Eleanor were right, Willie asked me out after years of friendship. I refused, saying I didn’t feel the same way. He stopped talking to me. Maybe that’s the only reason any boy talked to me. I was left alone again, not knowing why. Vocabulary limited to the heterosexual lifestyle.

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DON’T CALL ME QUEER All alone. I learned the word NO had no power. I started hanging out with exclusively boys, just not understanding women. But boys apparently don’t understand the word no, most of them just waiting for me to be their girl and others grabbing at me and kissing me without asking. A select few would have me kiss them and their friends, shoving their gross tongues in my mouth. The boys in the neighborhood lived in odd houses, some with dog fighting and others with weed greenhouses. I ran through fields of wildflowers and they tried to catch me. Pin me down.

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The boys moved away. But it was ok, I wasn’t alone. I had a new BEST friend, her name was Emma. She was sweet, she said my face wasn’t pretty but makeup could fix that, she said I was too tall but some people liked that. My nose was bigger than hers, so were my boobs and my shoulders. It made me feel too big, too noticeable. I wore jeans and sweaters so my skin wouldn’t show. Emma braided what little hair I had and put dark black makeup on me. Her entire family was vegan. I wasn’t alone. I hated being alone.

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118 My mom made me switch schools awhile back. I learned that the word school was being used loosely, everything I learned was from books. A boy arrived at this school one day, Andre. Andre had a crush on me, apparently, everyone knew but me. He spoke fluent Russian and was a chess prodigy. He let me dye his hair red and rinse it out with a garden hose, I always won when we played chess even though I called it checkers and he let me laugh when he spoke Russian.

“Do you like him?” My teacher asked.

“No way!” I exclaimed, sticking my tongue out childishly.

My teacher laughed and shook his hair. He said I did and I was lying to myself. I huffed at him and walked away. My mother called Andre my first husband. Begging me to marry him because she adored his mother. I rolled my eyes at her.

He didn’t make me blush. On my birthday, he gave me shadow boxes with butterflies and called me his butterfly. For Christmas, he gave me a purse. My mother said if I didn’t like him I was stringing him along and what only bad girls did that. I stopped spending time with Andre.

I nodded, I did. He was nice.

----“Do you like him like him?”

My teacher pressed on.

119 Someone that made me blush was Kaley, Emma’s older sister.

Kaley called me sweetie, she liked biochemistry, her hair was chopped short and she read obsessively. She liked to paint with me, she thought I was talented. The first time I put the world GAY to being gay was when she did so. Kaley called herself a lesbian. A girl who likes girls.

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I told my parents I was excited for a new movie that was coming out that was about two lesbians. I was thirteen at the time, at that point I secretly identified as BISEXUAL. “What does it matter if they’re gay, it doesn’t matter.” My mama said.

I was quite for a second before explaining that representation is important, she said that gay representation was not important.

Soon enough we were shouting at each other. The argument ended with a question from my mother.

“Why do you even care?

You’re straight.”

I bit my tongue too late, blurting out that I was Bisexual.

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The first time I came out was awful, I do it almost every day now. It’s nothing now.

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DON’T CALL ME QUEER I had a boyfriend before I had a girlfriend. He called himself September. I went through the very rigorous vetting process of picking the first guy I saw on Facebook. He is about a foot taller than me and already twenty. He calls me sexy, I send him nudes. I apologize for my small boobs and lithe frame, he says its fine. September has me call him Daddy or Bear and calls me kitten. He says the world is an awful place full of terrible people, that I’m right to start the day with a glass of whiskey and end it puking.

When he learns I’m a virgin he is excited and won’t stopping about his dick. He’s tiring. I try to leave.

“I’ll kill myself.” He breathes raggedly over the phone, I can hear a gun cocking. He ruined me.

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The first time I met my girlfriend I barely met her. I was at a show, my friends on stage filling the dank sweaty room with belligerent and loud punk. That night I dance with girls, and only girls. The first girl was short and sweet, wildly high and looking like she came from a Siouxsie and the Banshees show. Her hair was huge and curly, when we danced we didn’t touch very much. Just some innocent fun. The second girl was tall, her buzzed hair dyed pink. She didn’t talk very much but she pulled me into an embrace, the dancing was entirely skin on skin. She kissed me a lot and I laughed every time she smirked. I left her when the band took a break, heading to the back of the club. There were tables in a corner where a group of people sat.

Before I could head over there I met a girl named Mia. We bonded over being fire signs and being queer. A wisp of a girl walked over to Mia. “Hi Tik Tok” -----

122 The afternoon light floods in from the window, reflecting on the dust. The light turns HER into a silhouette, hair ending at shoulders.

When she turns, her face is hollow and pointed, small lips making the gap in her teeth prominent.

Our teacher rambles about some spaghetti western but I’m not paying attention. I tear a piece of paper off my notes and write on it.

Do you wanna go out with me?

It reads, hearts drawn around the sentence. I fold it up carefully and toss it at her, it hits her and lands on the table. She shoots me an icy glare (the first of many) before she reaches to grab the note, opening it haphazardly. Her face softens a touch after she reads it, glancing up at me before nodding. She turns away from me and I from her. After class I get her number before a small ginger headed girl drags her away possessively.

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After I asked her out, I realized I should probably be more careful about being gay. You never know who someone is. On said date, however, I learn she thought I meant go out as friends. I’m almost insulted but I don’t let it stop me from asking her to be my girlfriend.

She says she’ll consider it.

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123 Her name is Wytok but she asks me to call her Carol. When she invites me to her house I meet Mia again and I realize we’ve met before. Her family is poor and her parents are divorced but I love it. They all call me names and think I’m insane but I don’t mind it. Soon Carol and I are thick and thieves. But she still hasn’t answered my question.

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Months later and late at night we stay up watching dumb sitcom reruns. I talk over the show like I always do. I tell her if we got married I’d parachute in and make a real entrance, smiling. She rolls her eyes and it slips out.

“I love you.”

Carol said it first. We stare at each other for a second when turn back to the screen. I’m too stunned to respond but I’ve never been happier.

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It’s Halloween, my dad’s family is sitting around a kitchen island talking. I am drunk and standing in front of the sink, leaning against is and starring at nothing when I hear my name. It’s my mother, she’s slurring about how I’m obsessed with one of my friends and that I don’t have a boyfriend.

“Carol is my girlfriend, so yeah I don’t have a boyfriend.” I say sheepishly. I’m met with silence, a silence I know will last my entire life.

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124 Carol insists she is NOT my girlfriend. But also kisses me, is the big spoon when we cuddle, takes me out and says she loves me nearly every day. I’m confused, but I’ve always been confused. At least I’m not ALONE. I still will tell guys I have a girlfriend when they breathe down my neck.

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It’s her fifteenth birthday party. I’ve been fifteen for a month already. We are sitting in a hot tub with two of her friends, I had never met them before now but they don’t talk to me. They both get up and I go to follow but Carol grabs my hand and tells me to stay. I sit down again and she straddles me, leaning in for a kiss. It gets out of hand and I’m making out with her. I used to hate making out but this is fun. After I break the kiss she says she’s my girlfriend. She hangs off my arm and shows me off. I was a butch even when I didn’t want to be, even when I didn’t have a word for it yet.

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DON’T CALL ME QUEER One day a boy came along named Aiden. I never liked him, partly because after years of being told how to act his demeanor sent shivers down my spine. Carol says she’d like to date both of us and that we never said we were exclusive, I’ve never been one for envy or monotony so I agree—although he worries me. It all is fine, we don’t like each other or talk much but love Tik Tok so it’s FINE. My first pride rolls around and naturally I’d love to bring my girlfriend.

“It’ll be so much fun! We have to go together.” I squeal excitedly, beaming.

She says NO. I’ll have to go alone.

Carol has never been the social butterfly I am so I just smile and say I’ll take lots of pictures then.

I get there and there she is, but with Aiden instead. I had brought a few friends some who are trans and some who are gay. They tell me to just ignore it, we can have fun together. I never bring it up to her after pride. But at the parade I knew she saw me, she knew I knew.

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Two years we’ve been together. She’s never changed. She was a naïve mistake I regret making, my ice princess and a ghost that lingers. I call and text with no response. Two years and what do I expect? I know who she is. We both suffer from mental illness but she used it as an excuse. To be cruel, and to lie, and to never give me anything to work with. Two years and I know its dumb for me to expect her to dignify my love and her want to split up with a conversation, or maybe just a call, I’d ever be ok with a text breakup.

I see her at a party I went to on a whim and I’m so shocked to see her at a PARTY I don’t believe it’s her until I see her brother (once named MIA). I walk up to her brother with open arms, a kiss on the cheek, promises to catch up later. I ignore Carol until at some point in that night she grabs my shoulder.

“We should have never been a thing.”

I leave, she doesn’t try to stop me.

I take that as a sign we’re over.

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126 Foolish of me to assume anything is ever easy. I am a LESBIAN now, realizing that my first boyfriend was an attempt to appease my mother and that I’ve never actually felt attraction to a man. I meet a wonderful woman, my bittersweet Jean. She’s short, she’s butch, she’s punk, she grabs my waist and compliments my wit. I’ve never been challenged like this before, I’ve never been so turned on. She actually compliments me, taking time out of her day to be nice. She made me realize how I should be treated. After her my friends were less fiendish and mean. I realized nobody actually cared about me until her; everyone else just wanted me to feel pain.

My bittersweet Jean, nobody’s perfect but she’s my everything.

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Oh Jeanie, what can I say about you now? I forgot about my own everything and now I can barely remember you. I can remember Carol, the way her hair framed her face and her beautiful laugh. But I can barely remember you. I forgot to put my thoughts down on paper, I forgot to take care of myself, I almost forgot my ambitions, I almost settled for my hometown, and I was months away from settling down with you. Three years, we never had anything in common so I don’t know how we talked so much. We always did the same few things every weekend so I don’t know how I never got bored. You almost ruined my life so I don’t know how I’m not more bitter. But these are all logical thoughts removed from my feelings. I’m trying to stop feeling but its taking time, while I wait I will please the strangers I meet and designate a different girl every month to wipe tears from my eyes.

Jeanie left me for a man which is what happened before. She made me feel better after it happened the first time by telling me she would never leave me, but I see now that people can’t make promises like that. I only find it ironic that she cheated on me with a man because she was always worried about me cheating on her with a man, something I would never do. But my longer hair and mascara covered lashes and skirts tell a different story. That’s all.

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I really tried to change after Jeanie left. I hated myself for being a lesbian, I slept with all sorts of men and let them send me good morning texts and tell their stupid flirty jokes; hoping and praying one would change me. But it’s only girls who make my heart skip a beat. I saw a stunning girl with two toned hair and a face full of piercings at the Thai restaurant I frequent a lot and I turned into a stuttering mess.

Only girls can do this, I will play the part of a girlfriend for a man but only girls really make me fall.

I asked the girl out while laughing nervously and not acting quite as cool as I look. I carried tulips across the park I met her at and then we got food at a food truck, she brought her dog and it made me feel light and airy again. All smiley and fun.

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127 When I’m with the men my mind runs at 90mph and I overanalyze every action they take, it’s never easy. The thing is I sincerely, truly, still hope after all these years that one day I’ll wake up and want a boyfriend... maybe even a husband.

Maybe my mom will be happy with him of all people, whoever he is.

Lately I’ve been feeling a heavy sense of dread every time I think about my sexuality too long. That I’ve already committed so much of my life and love to women that there is no coming back from it. I think myself out of said dread by reminding myself that I love girls, I have and I will continue to do so, and that I am not defective or wrong for being who I was born to be. I felt like this before I knew it was wrong and I will continue to feel like this until I’m gone. Wherever my future wife is I hope she’s OK with seaside towns, lavender bushes, and green curry. I truly love you, honey, no doubt about it.

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Let me clarify the title. Call yourself Queer all you want, reclaim the slurs you deserve to reclaim, be gay and do crime, all that good stuff. But don’t call me queer, I am a lesbian and I am very proud of that fact.

amanda jewell @theamandajewell

Amanda Jewell is a modelographer (model & photographer) based in Austin, Texas. She originated in the Dallas photography community and now is active in the Austin creative scene. Amanda has made a partnership with Urban Outfitters’ Space 24 Twenty in order to host frequent mixer style meet-ups in efforts to bring together the creative community in ATX. Amanda has recently hit a creative wave and now I present to you this work.

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gold dust woman A Gold Dust Woman is one that gives light to everyone around her. She radiates energy that can change the lives of others.

But, she remembers that in order to help others, she must always help herself. The gold that gleams on her skin, reflects the self love she practices within.

130 Love & Chaos Magazine caught up with Amanda Saunders to explore her How To Be Social panel at SXSW, her journey as a local entrepreneur, and building her own brand within the creative community in Austin.

What does it take to be a part of a SXSW panel?

I began building my brand at the end of 2018. Through photography, modeling, hosting events, and speaking engagements, I have established myself in the creative and startup community. This presence gave me the credibility to apply for a SXSW panel. So, I would say to be a part of SXSW in a panel it takes consistency over the years of building your brand and confidence. I found that you do not have to be “famous” or have a lot of money. SXSW wants to support local entrepreneurs. So, if they see your panel is getting traction with votes and buzz on social media, they will give you a spot in SXSW!

Would you explain to our readers the SXSW panel you were involved in and its purpose?

I spoke in a “How To Be Social” panel this summer about being a creative entrepreneur in a relationship. It was a very interesting topic because not a lot of couples work in the same field, much less such a competitive one. The main points I made were that you can still maintain your original style of photography that is distinguishable from your significant others’. We talked about how it is important to support each other’s business, and to stray away from jealousy. There is no reason to envy your partner’s success because any success on them

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133 is also a success on you since you are a couple. This was a big aha! moment for a lot of the audience.

The organizer of this panel, Jewels Clark, also organized the upcoming SXSW panel “Lady Creatives in Business Break Victim Mentality”.

What’s the SXSW panel you’re trying to be involved with this year and how’s that coming along?

The SXSW panel for 2020 that I am trying to be involved in is “Lady Creatives in Business Break Victim Mentality”. I would be on the panel next to three other successful women. Suzy Batiz, the founder of poo-pourri, Jewels Clark, the founder of How To Be Social, and Leah Frazier, the founder of Think Three Media. A few of these women have been mentioned in Forbes and The New Yorker and it is beyond an honor to see my name next to theirs. The best way for me to explain this panel is to quote the panel’s description: Victim mentality: the idea that we aren’t responsible for our actions and circumstances. It’s true—we’re put in situations that we can’t always control.

But is there nothing we can do?

As lady creatives, go-getters in the business, we face a lot of opposition in our work and careers. We’re subject to sudden changes and have to deal. But we’re not powerless. We have the abilities, skills, and drive to put ourselves where we want to be. How do we overcome this?

By escaping that mentality.

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eu路phor路ic

The photos in Eu路phor路ic are symbolic of what it feels like to be free. Euphoria is truly felt when one is free from limiting beliefs, aligned with their higher self, and trusting the process.

135 SXSW closed votes for the panel picker on August 23. We had a good amount of shares on social media, so all we can do is wait and hope we made it to SXSW 2020!

How does your background and passion help you speak on this topic?

My passion for content creation and building my brand in the creativeentrepreneur community got me to the position of being able to speak on such a panel with these successful women. I have been a driven individual my entire life. This tenacity gives me the perspective on the topic of breaking through adversity in order to be a successful lady entrepreneur. It is important for women to hear testimonies of how others have pushed through opposition. My main goal is to spread empowerment to not only women, but anyone that needs to break that victim mentality that we are all vulnerable to. Strengthen your capabilities as an individual by focusing on what you can control in a situation, and do not fixate on what you can not. An important theme is to always stay true to who you are and what you want your brand to be. Authenticity is one thing I pride my brand in. It has taken a while to get where I am, but I can confidently say that my brand represents who I am and how I want it to be perceived. Every day is a step forward, and of course, I can not control the speed of my success but I can absolutely make sure I am going in the right direction.

Suffer for Fashion ...OR WH ATE V E R Nola

I’m often surprised by how cool people think my job and my life is.

Most creatives have a day job, a regular nine-to-five. My day job is modeling and I recently got back from living in Tokyo, Japan. It was my first time in Asia, and my first time living there. Every day was a struggle, and the loneliness of the city didn’t help. Tokyo is known for being notoriously lonesome, and lots of media depictions reflect that.

My friends were more than sixthousand miles away, while I was struggling with an eating disorder I wasn’t even fully aware I had.

These were just normal problems in the industry, problems every other girl you meet at castings can relate to. I didn’t consider my life to be as glamorous as it sounds. In fact, a lot of models don’t because it’s an oversaturation of coolness and beauty. When every girl is over 5’ 8”, has a perfect face, and a to-die-for

body, you start to think you look pretty average. Your story starts to pale in comparison to others, especially when every girl has been to most fashion capitals of the world.

That was the first shock to me when I entered the industry. The second shock was the general public’s lack of knowledge on what modeling is like.

The closest any movie has gotten to a true representation of the fashion industry is The Devil Wears Prada.

It wasn’t even about modeling, it was about fashion journalism.

Miranda Priestley’s personalist can be found in most casting agents, assistants, journalists, stylists, and photographers in fashion circles.

Makeup and hair artists are the angels in disguise that talk to us like we’re adult people, even though they tend to treat us like dolls or set pieces more than people.

Humanizing models and fighting for their job rights is a hot topic right now. It’s something everyone claims to be fixing, yet models are having to fix themselves. We need to be strong, confident, capable, and beautiful before we are even twenty-five to have a shot at working at all, let alone “making it” or getting famous. The idea of fame is something that lures a lot of girls into trying modeling and is the thing that makes them stay once the beast shows its true colors.

Deep down, everyone wants to make it in one way or another. We are born searching for the most success we can achieve, the best person for us, and the prettiest view. The faster pace we are all operating at now and how closely we identify our true selves with our social media presence has made us only want

more faster. But social media has gone from a fresh, new, entirely 21st century way to express ourselves and connect with others to just another tool at advertisers’ disposal. At what age did you start connecting with advertisement, resonating with it, and responding to it? Beauty standards in modeling have been slow to change. Playing it safe is the norm, as advertising is rarely risky, and the more people it can appeal to the better. However, personal style and being unique has never been more mainstream than it is right now, as ironic as that sounds.

Fashion has been slow to response despite its most recent breakout stars being those who break the mold (Slick Woods, Barbie Ferreira, Jazzelle Zanaughtti, etc).

Wherever the US lags behind, foreign markets will be lagging behind even more. Just look at the continuous popularity of the skin whitening industry in Asian countries. Modeling standards are the most strict in Asian markets, with models there working more than any other market and being under more pressure as well.

Younger, eastern European girls work in these markets too, since the age-limit and visa restrictions are more lax than the US and other European markets. The beauty standards in fashion markets go like this, if you are a foreigner you are interesting because you are foreign.

However, you must fit into certain Asian beauty standards that are preestablished in order to not alienate too many people. Beauty standards

such as light skin, being extremely thin, straight hair, and being shorter and smaller than most models are just mentioning a few. Being young is such a necessity that even though I turned 19 only four days into my contract, my managers would tell clients that I was 18 or even 17. Girls as old as 27 that were working in Tokyo would claim they were 19 or 20, just to bolster themselves. These standards are already restrictive and awful if you are an Asian model but incredibly damaging if you happen to be a foreigner.

Our standards are stuck in the past and very whitewashed. Ideal heights and weights do not factor in the genetic differences between us all. Everything from your body type to your hair type to your features is entirely determined by your ancestry. Fashion should move towards celebrating what makes each person unique and empowering them, a message a lot of people enjoy talking about but do not like to take action for. Fashion is a beast that demands newer and fresher blood every season. Younger models, a new trend, revival of an old trend with a twist, smaller bones, higher cheek bones, bigger eyes. We refuse to challenge a young woman’s ideals of what’s necessary in order for them to be beautiful, wanted, and famous. We refuse to challenge societies’ ideals on what it takes to make it, to live a full life, and to be successful. We don’t respect our differences and the journeys we are all on, we’re afraid of it all falling apart if we don’t play it safe.

jacob garza

@_therealjacob

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Johnathan Moore After a 30-year, right-brained career, Johnathan Moore took up a charcoal stick to try and wake up his left brain. Now John is taking advantage of the top-notch art programs at ACC. Look for him with charcoal fingers and his sketch pad.

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MENTAL HEALTH MISCONCEPTIONS Payton Wyatt

It is the sad reality that it takes horrendous and devastating mass shootings and attacks to bring awareness to an important conversation upon the topic of gun control.

To reference recent events, the shootings in both Las Vegas, Nevada, and Sutherland Springs, Texas, left in its wake a total of eighty-four dead individuals. This resulted in eighty-four mourning families, eighty-four funerals, eighty-four goodbyes, eighty-four individuals who had their potential in life stripped away from them in the blink of an eye with little to nothing to do to prevent it. The ages of the victims from these two attacks ranged from infants up to adults well into their seventies.

These two attacks only make up a small percentage of those murdered by guns every single day, and these events are, in the grand scheme of things, rare and unpredictable. Although it is not a new misconception, these two attacks (the shooting in Sutherland Springs in particular) raised the

notion that gun violence was not a gun issue and instead was a mental health issue. This belief is equally as ignorant as it is unsupported by countless research and studies.

Guns themselves are the issue in these situations and crediting the occurrence of them to mental health is unfounded because mentally ill individuals pose low threats for committing violent crimes, mental health turns into a discriminatory scapegoat, and stating that mental illness is the issue detracts from the true issues.

For starters, the research is extensive and does not lie.

Mentally ill individuals pose very low threats to society in regards to committing violent crimes.

Highly respected President of the American Psychiatric Association (APA), Renee Binder stated that

“ninety-five percent of violent acts are committed by persons without serious mental disorders”. This also goes to state that mass shootings are rather rare and do not make up the majority of violent gun crimes. The typical description of a mass shooter would be an individual who has been isolated, had a troubled past and even potentially delusional. These individuals clearly have a mental issue; however, the probability of them turning violent is a rare occurrence. Perhaps a more serious and well-known mental condition, schizophrenia, is commonly held by those who commit mass murders. To better understand this condition, a study was conducted in United Kingdom finding that “estimated the annual risk of a person with schizophrenia killing a stranger to be 1 in 70,000 patients”.

These events also lead to quick

157 action in legislation to pass laws immediately attempting to prevent similar situations from reoccurring.

In New York for example, the Secure Ammunition and Firearms Enforcement (SAFE) Act was passed almost overnight in the wake of the Sandy Hook shootings to require universal mental health background checks for the purchase of a firearm.

As stated, “The intention behind passing the SAFE Act was to enhance public safety by ‘criminals and dangerously mentally ill’ from purchasing a gun…This legislation significantly impacts all mental health professionals, but was created with ‘seemingly little input from them’”. This inevitably leads to discriminatory action against individuals that fall under the broad umbrella of the term mentally ill.

To expand on this discriminatory scapegoat, it becomes a moral issue when an individual is deemed mentally sound or mentally incapable. The process of diagnosing patients is rather subjective, creating the issue of what is uniformly considered a stable person. To say all mentally ill individuals are prohibited from the purchase and possession of a firearm is far too wide of a law and is extremely discriminatory. Already mentioned, the SAFE Act requires mental health professionals to report individuals they deem as a public safety hazard.

This not only completely ignores the confidentiality Code of Ethics set in place for all physicians by the American Medical Association, it also offers the mental health professional to make abrasive decisions for the well-being of the patient without their consent. Don St. Jon says it best, “The problem is that when you start writing laws, [politicians] don’t have the

understanding that we in medicine have about the difference between someone who’s at risk and someone who isn’t”. It seems rather idiotic to have politicians create legislation and regulations on matters that they are not extensively educated on or know the full spectrum of a mental health diagnosis.

Finally, summarizing the complex issue of gun violence as being caused by a mental health issue is only a shot in the dark and detracts from real issues in society that cause mass shootings. To be straightforward, a gun is a tool used to kill. It is evidently clear that an increase in gun ownership and an easier access to these dangerous tools would lead to more deaths, whether they be a mass shooting on a college campus or an accidental death. A study of teenage deaths (ages twelve to nineteen) was conducted and reports, “The three leading causes of death among teenagers were unintentional injuries (45%), homicide (14%)...

Among these fatal youth injuries, most homicides were gun-related (83%)…” Although this is just a study of teen deaths, the scarily high percentage associated with guns is alarming in and of itself.

Additionally, adding more guns into the instance of say, a college campus shooting, the anxiety and hysteria would only increase with guns being used defensively by individuals not necessarily trained on their use. To support, “Time magazine reported in January that New York City police in gunfights hit their target eighteen percent of the time”. If trained professionals were generally inaccurate in firing a weapon, why would an individual with less training in a stressful situation

be beneficial to the protection of themselves and others? To continue on the college topic, it was also shown that suicide is a big problem among teens. “One study found that 24 percent of college students had thought about attempting suicide and 5 percent had actually attempted to kill themselves...

Suicide attempts are successful more than 90 percent of the time when a firearm is used”. The evidence explains itself; guns make any type of violence, whether done to oneself or to others, more lethal.

In conclusion, the devastating events of mass shootings, although a rarer occurrence, evoke immense emotion and opinionated speech.

Mental health frequently becomes a politician’s scapegoat for the explanations of such events.

Although it may be relieving to give oneself an explanation for the sometimes-unthinkable event of a mass shooting, the broad and extensive world of mental health runs deeper than serving a sole reason for such an occurrence.

Society as a whole must listen to what is posed through research and do what is best for the safety of the current generations and the plentiful generations to come in the future.

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bradlio

@bradlio1

Bradford “Bradlio” Maxfield is an Austin, Texas based visual problem solver, best known for his high level conceptual design, custom lettering, and unique illustration. His upbringing in the southwestern town of El Paso, TX has had a definitive role on his creative style, and the bright colors and ornate sensibilities indicative of Mexican culture are often found in his art. Bradford’s professional career began in 2004, as a creative for a large national advertising firm.

In 2012, he transitioned as a creative in the fashion industry. Currently, he works as a freelance artist creating large scale murals and fine art pieces.

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Kat Swansey, a native of small town Texas, has been shooting film of rural and forgotten Texas for 15 years.

From booming oil towns to adobe ruins, her series Way Out West focuses on the lesser known parts of West Texas. Each photo was captured on 35mm film throughout a week long road trip. Raw and unedited, Way Out West serves up sharp blue skies and crisp earth tones that’ll remind you that no matter how far you are from home, you’re always home in Texas.

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Kat Swansey @katswanseyphoto

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