Based on the views of 180+ childfree / childless people who completed a questionnaire about their experiences of not having children.
LOUISE ASHCROFT, 2024.
SWISS GERMAN LYRICS BY SARAH ELENA MÜLLER. ENGLISH LYRICS AND VOCALS BY LOUISE ASHCROFT. SWISS GERMAN VOCALS AND MUSIC BY LUZIA STUDER THANKS TO MELANIE BÜHLER, HENNA KESKI-MÄENPÄÄ AND JONAS SENN.
COMMISSIONED BY KUNSTMUSEUM ST.GALLEN.
(Häsli i de Gruebe)
I möcht mi nid sorge
Tag und Nacht
Tag und Nacht
Schlaft mis Häsli? Issts au guet?
Treits au brav sin Sunnehuet?
Häsli hüpf! Häsli hüpf!
Will nid mit eu hüpfe
Immer gliich
Immer gliich
Nuggi, Kita, Pausebrot innerlich bin ich scho tot Häsli träum, Häsli träum.
Vilich no studiere
Neu aafaa
Neu aafaa
Es Grosi adoptiere Sie ume-kutschiere Häsli chönnt, Häsli chönnt.
Ihr erwartet Liebi
Achtig au Achtig au
Eues Häsli wird vilicht Spöter voll de Ego-Wicht Weiss mä nie, weiss mä nie!
Reziproki Fürsorg
Gitz überall
Gitz überall
I mim Herz isch Platz für vill
Teil miin Bau mit wem i will Häsli share, Häsli care.
(Bunny in the burrow)
I don’t want to worry Day and night Day and night Does Bunny sleep? Does Bunny eat? Does it wear its sun hat? Bunny hop! Bunny hop!
I don’t want to hop along Round and round Round and round
Dummy, daycare, lunchtime snack Already feel dead inside. Bunny dream, Bunny dream!
Maybe I will study
A fresh start
A fresh start
Adopt a granny at my side Take her for a ride Bunny could, Bunny could.
You’ll expect to be loved And respected And respected Your Bunny might turn out to be One more selfish little fool You never know, never know
Reciprocal carework Is everywhere Is everywhere In my heart there’s space for lots of it Share burrows with whom I want Bunny share, Bunny care.
(Hickory Dickory Dock)
We ran out of time on the clock I guess we just forgot! We didn’t think about having kids
A priority for us they’re not.
We didn’t really decide We just got on with living our lives
We didn’t think about having kids
Now body clock’s not on our side
There was no desire burning
None of that maternal yearning
We didn’t think about having kids
Tick tock, life’s clock is turning.
(De Schlange ihre Tanz)
Das isch mim Selbstwertgfühl siin
Tanz
Es chunt vom Bergli aabe
Er het verlore a Substanz
Un wett si wieder haa
Chum säg du mir
Wetsch du nöd au es chliises Stückli meh Respekt? Hey!
Nur wil ich kei eigni Chinder ha, bin i nid egoistisch ich präge d’Xellschaft trotzdem mit halt uf me andre Wäg
Chum säg du mir
Isch d Zuekunft nid Es kollektivs Projekt? Hey?
Min Uterus gaht dich nüüt aa Er isch doch kei Verpflichtig Biologie isch wandelbar Und Traditione au Natürlichkeit isch en Begriff mal so mal so uus-gleit. Hey!
Nachwuchs isch wie ne Lotterie
Geen sind kei Garantie für Nö-öchi u-und Sympathie So eifach isch es nöd. I ha kei Angst Nur au kei Lust Entscheid doch du für dich, hey!
(The Snake’s Dance)
This is my self-esteem dance It comes down from the mountain It has lost its substance Would like to have it back. Don’t you tell me That you don’t need Just a little more Respect? Hey!
Just because I don’t have my own kids I am not egocentric I shape society as well But in a different way So don’t you think The future is
A collective project? Hey!
My womb is none of your business And it’s no obligation Biology is a broad spectrum And traditions are aswell Natural Is just a word. Interpret it differently. Hey!
Offspring is like the lottery Genes are no guarantee for Closeness and sympathy It is not that easy.
I’m not afraid But I feel no urge You can decide for yourself, hey!
(Row, Row, Row Your Boat)
No, no, no I don’t
Get to choose my dreams
I can’t have kids, it’s not my fault
You can’t control a sneeze
Row, row, row life’s boat
Down a different stream
My life feels bland without a child
What will my journey mean?
Grow, grow, grow, regrets
Tan-gle inside me
I can’t have kids, I’ll be the end
Of my family tree
Flow, flow, flow of time
But my life feels quite stuck
While friends move forward with their lives
I’m fishing with no hook
Show, show, show me that I’m welcome in this world
I sometimes feel that I have failed
An oyster with no pearl.
Sow, sow, sow, the seeds
I’ll have to form new roots
Pro-natalism excludes me
I’ll nourish different fruits.
Low, low, low feelings
Anxious and depressed
The baby joy of friends I love
Makes me feel stressed
I know, know, know, it sounds
Bitter and unkind
I’m jealous of my parent friends
Because I’m left behind.
Although, though, though I smile
My grief is like a ball
Bouncing ‘round beneath the skin
Pain when it hits the walls.
No, no, no I won’t
Heal this helpless grief I lost my chance to have children You can’t stop Autumn leaves.
(s chrüücht es Schnäggli)
Wetsch keis Baby? Kein Fam-i-lie?
Wär doch schön?
Wär doch schön?
I möcht lieber heile
Kei Traumata verpflanze
Lieber nöd
Lieber nöd
Bisch nid einsam? Ohni Chinder?
Ischs nid schlimm?
Ischs nid schlimm?
I bi gern eleige schätze mini Freiheit für mi stimmts für mi stimmts
Und im Alter? Ohni Nachwuchs?
Das wird zääch
Das wird zääch
Es git soviel Forme
Z’ lebe und au z’wohne
Won-ii xääch
Won-ii xääch
Und bereusch es? Nid es bitzli?
De Entscheid?
De Entscheid?
S’isch nid immer eifach
Doch d Vorteil überwieged
Duet mer leid
Duet mer leid
Und denn Zuekunft? Vo deMenschheit?
Isch der gliich?
Isch der gliich?
D Welt die dreht sich wiiter
Mit und ohni Chinder
Ohni mich. Ohni mich.
(A Snail is Gliding)
Don’t you want a baby? No family? Wouldn’t it be nice? Wouldn’t it be nice? (No) I would rather heal than pass on my trauma Rather not Rather not.
Aren’t you lonely? Without kids?
Ain’t it bad?
Ain’t it bad? (No) I like to be alone And appreciate my freedom Suits me well Suits me well.
And in old age? Without offspring? It will be tough?! It will be tough?! (No) There are many forms Of living and housing That I see That I see.
Don’t you regret it? Just a little? Your choice? Your choice? It’s not always easy But advantages outweigh (disadvantages) Sorry about that Sorry about that.
And the future? Of mankind?
Don’t you care?
Don’t you care? (No) The world will keep on turning With or without my kids Without me Without me.
My friends exclude me from family fun Their new friends have kids I won’t know anyone I can’t discuss my baby’s Cute milestones
I’m childfree not a monster Who’s best left alone.
They only call when they need a night out They think I’d get bored With what their life’s about My life’s quite different It’s hard to relate But I could teach their kids To roller skate.
Make slime, play Mario and go on the slide I don’t see a reason For this big divide Good for kids to have A different perspective It might help us all if We were more connected.
(es Buurebüebli)
En Baby-buuch das maa ni niid, das xeht me miir wohl aa, juhé
Organabse-enkig, Inkontinenz, das chunt doch alles früeh gnueg.
Ich xeh wie nach de Niederkunft
Z’mol Rollebi-ilder uf-er-stöhnd
Wo mir mal zäme beerdigt hend Mir sind no ni-id immuun, juhé
Als Eltre-teil luegt alles hi-i
Darfsch keini Fehler haa, juhé
Wennd jammerisch bisch selber
Tschuld
Drum friss din Frust und sig froh!
De Fuessabruck ufem Planet
Wo Schwiizer Chind hinderlönd, juhé
Verschlingt uufgrechnet vier Welte meh
Wenn all de Standard wend.
Di eige Chindheit würdi niemerem wünsche, nid emal aasatzwiis
Versangensängst hani soo scho gnueg und Druck gitz gratis derzue.
Mini Partnerschaft isch scho erfüllt
Oisi gemeinsam Zi-it es wertvolls Guet
Und bruuchi öppis zum erzieh
Denn chaufi halt en Hund, juhé.
(A Farmer Boy)
I don’t want a baby-belly
You can’t all be looking at me (woohoo) Organ descent and incontinence Doesn’t it all come too soon anyway?
I see that after giving birth
Ancient rolemodels resurrect Some that we had buried long ago We’re not immune to this (woohoo).
A parent is on everybody’s watch No mistakes allowed (woohoo)
If you complain, it’s your own fault
So, eat your frustration and smile.
The footprint on our planet Earth
That Swiss kids leave behind (woohoo) It would devour four more worlds If everyone strived for this standard.
I would not wish upon anyone My own childhood, not even parts of it I have enough fear of failure Pressure comes as a freebie.
My relationship with my partner is fulfilling Our shared time is a rare good thing If I want to educate someone I’ll buy myself a dog (woohoo!)
(Three Blind Mice)
We broke up I broke down. My partners tricked me They were clowns.
I always wanted to have my own kids
But none of my ex partners really did Tinder algorithm couldn’t find a good fit
Now I’m childless at 40 I must live with it
I care for myself
I’m healing from the pain
Of manipulation
Betrayal and disdain
My exe’s violent behaviour
Makes co-parenting with him a terrible idea
You can’t raise a family while living in fear
Now I’m single again God, how did I get here?
My Mum raised us solo With very little help She did a great job
But it put pressure on her health
Sometimes I mourn kids I won’t have myself But life is so vibrant, friends are my wealth Kids were not meant for me this suits me quite well
I follow my freedom
I’ve stories to tell.
(i ghööre es glöggli)
Ich ghööre es Glöggli Es warnt mi scho jetzt Sötsch du schwanger werde Wirsch nid unterstützt.
Din Bruef isch es Hobby
D’Bilanz minimal
Es langt grad für dich Alles meh wär fatal
Ob Mensch oder Mueter Bestimmt nid min Wert Ich wett kei Kopie Wo a mir umezerrt.
I gspür au kein Drang nach meh schlaflose Nächt Ha z wenig Ressource s System git mir Rächt
De Tag isch vergange Ich ha nüüt vermisst kei Uuf-opferig und kein Mueterinstinkt
Xeh nid ii was das isch Ha kein Zuegang derzue Schaffe Kunst, zwar prekär Ha defür mini Rueh.
(I Hear a Little Bell)
I hear a little bell And it’s warning me well If you will get pregnant You will not find help.
Your job is a hobby Profits are low Just enough to sustain you Not enough for one more (person)
Whether I’m a Mother or just a person It doesn’t determine my value I don’t need a copy of myself To yank at my arm.
I don’t feel the urge For more sleepless nights I don’t have the resources The system confirms I’m right
The day has gone by I did not miss a thing No self sacrifice No mother instinct
Don’t see why I should be like that I have everything I make my precarious art And enjoy my calm.
(Sing a Song of Six Pence)
Sing a song of six pence
I can’t afford childcare
I still live with ten people
In a big houseshare
We need co-operative housing
For those with and without kids
My housemates are much younger
Don’t know what they’d think of this.
I dream of a huge mansion
Full of polyamorous artists
Cross-generational proximity
Is the care model that’s smartest
A building shared with my friends
And their adopted kin
Watch movies, and play games together
Cook in our shared kitchen
It’s easier to adopt kids
If you’re in a middle-class couple
We need to think beyond
The outdated family bubble
But questioning the family
Still seems to be taboo
‘The Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe’
Can teach a thing or two.
(Siebe chugelrundi Säu)
Siebe chugelrundi Queers
Umsorget sich und ihri Peers
Ali tüend luege, ali tüend lose ganz egal ob Rock, ob Hose
Bezoge-sii isch immer Handel
Und das Trading isch im Wandel
Warum nur im Zweiergspann?
Wenn mä au mit meh Hilf haa chan?
Laufts nid immer siide-fiin
Verchunnt dis Dasii zu me Meme
Du findsch Poly bitz vermässe
Hauptsach niemert wird vergesse
Freiwilligkeit und Kernfamilie
Liit nid per se uf einre Linie
Wahlverwandschaft au nid immer
Aber sicher ischs nid schlimmer
Hesch du diis Heu uf andre Bühne
Fiired mir grad s Androgyne
Baued Näster, bildet Gflecht
Bindet nid alles as Geschlecht.
(Seven Perky Piglets)
Seven well-fed, perky queers
Care for eachother and their peers
Everyone watches, everyone listens No matter if in skirt or jeans
Relationships can be a compromise
And how we exchange is changing
Why struggle in pairs of two?
When you can accept more help.
It’s not always as smooth as it seems
Sometimes we feel like a meme
You think polyamory sounds mad
But the main thing is no one’s left behind
Consent and nuclear family
Aren’t necessarily compatible
Chosen family doesn’t always work either But it can’t be much worse.
While your ‘hay is on another stack’
We celebrate the androgynous
Building nests and weaving networks
We don’t tie it all to gender.
(London Bridge is Falling Down)
Nuclear family’s falling down, Falling down, falling down. Let’s make a chosen-kin playground With timeshare babies
Build it up with mutual aid Mutual aid, mutual aid Fund care - make sure that it’s well paid Invent new ways to be.
The old rule book must bend and break, Bend and break, Bend and break. Extended family takes the weight When life gets crazy
Co-parenting’s not anarchy It’s a sustainable way to be Parental pressures are stifling We all need to be free.
(Ich gah mit miner Laterne)
I gah mit mine Fründe*
Und mini Fründ*inne mit mir
Am Himmel lüüchtet Sterne
Und unde lüüchtet mir
E langi Nacht, spontane Sex Eh, eh, eh!
Das simmer, das nämmer, ja gern.
I rede gern mit Erwachsne Direkt und unzensiert
Vo Babybrei und Windle Bini nid inspiriert
Ich bin als Tante* en Bezug Eh, eh, eh!
Das bini, das wetti, ja gern.
Wett i mich la sterilisiere redet uf z mal alli mit erkläred mir mini Bestimmig und dass es denn «scho no wird»
Für mich wär das e Sicherheit
Eh, eh, eh!
Das weissi, das möchti, genau.
I lueg zu minere Xundheit
Und finde Erfüllig ir Kunst Beniide nid all die Körper im Schmerz um Niederkunft
I lebe wiiter i mim Werk
Eh, eh, eh!
Das zählt, das langt, jawohl.
(I Go with my Lantern)
I go with my friends And my friends go with me Above the stars are shining Beneath so do we A long night, spontaneous sex Eh, eh, eh, That’s us, we have it, yes please.
I like to talk to adults Uncensored about adult things Whimpering and diapers Don’t inspire me
I take part in family as an Aunt Eh, eh, eh, This I am, this I want, yes please.
If I want to get sterilized Suddenly everyone gets involved Explaining my destination should be And what is yet to come But I want the security of this Eh, eh, eh, I know that, I need that, alright.
I’ll look after my health And find fulfillment in art I don’t envy those bodies Labour pain rips them apart I will live on through my work Eh, eh, eh.
That’s enough, that counts, indeed.
(The Wheels on the Bus)
The wheels on my bus don’t turn that way I'm a man and I am gay The wheels on my bus don’t turn that way In my rainbow town.
I might have liked to be a Dad
But it’s a choice I never had I would have like to be a dad But some wheels are not round
So, I reframe it as a choice
Because I do not have a voice
Better to say that it’s my choice And turn that frown around.
I’d co-parent if friends asked me No heteronormativity
Take turns to drive the wheels on the bus All through the town
Some gay men pay for surrogates
But most of us can’t aff-ord that My bus wheels are not made of gold They’re a rusty brown
Some make family by adoption For single men that’s no option The wheels on the bus don’t want us At the play-ground.
The wheels on the bus go round and round And sometimes it can get me down The family bus goes round and round But my seat cannot be found
(Roti Rösli im Garte)
Roti Hösli und Schmerze
D’ Eierstöck sind verchläbt
I han Endometriose
So het’s eifach nie klappt
Mit hend glernt derzue z schwiige zu de Unfruchtbarkeit
mengi re-agiered hilflos fast als het ich verseit
Für e künstlichi Befruchtig
Fehlt mer s Geld und de Muet
Mengisch machts mi nur truurig Mengisch bliibt mer nur d Wuet
Chumi a mini Grenze
Ringe um Akzeptanz
Wirdi glich min Platz finde?
Fühli mi glich au «ganz»?
Wer kei Chind will, wird sich fröge
Warum plagt sie das so?
Warum Träne i de Badi?
Depressione im Zoo?
Wenn en Traum muesch begrabe
Wo du vor dir hesch xee
Würsch du au dranne naage
Tät dir das gnau so weh!
(Red Roses in the Garden)
Red panties and aching My ovaries are fused I have endometriosis It has never worked
We have learned to shut up About infertility
Some (people’s) reactions are helpless As if I had screwed up
For artificial fertilization I lack money and courage Sometimes it makes me sad Sometimes all that’s left is fury
I have reached my limits I struggle for acceptance Will I find my place? Will I feel whole?
Those who don’t want a child wonder Why is this bugging her so much? Why the tears at the pool? Why is she depressed at the zoo?
If you had to bury a life’s dream That you saw for yourself It would gnaw on you too It would hurt you just like me.