the Ignatian Journey
A CONTEMPORARY APPROACH TO THE SPIRITUAL EXERCISES
VOLUME 1 THE ADVENTURE BEGINS: ENCOUNTERING THE UNCONDITIONAL, CREATIVE, INVITING LOVE OF GOD
The Ignatian Journey: A Contemporary Approach to the Spiritual Exercises Copyright © The Practice Collective All rights reserved. 2019. The Ignatian Exercises content in this book is based on The Ignatian Adventure: Experiencing the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius in Daily Life by Kevin O’Brien. Excerpt and selections from the following copyrighted works are reprinted by permission of Loyola Press: The Ignatian Adventure by Kevin O’Brien, SJ. Copyright © 2011 by Kevin O’Brien, SJ. All rights reserved. Putting on the Heart of Christ by Gerald Fagin, SJ. Copyright © 2010 by Gerald Fagin, SJ. All rights reserved. No excerpt or selection from the above copyrighted works may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by an information storage or retrieval system without the proper written permission of the copyright owner unless such copying is expressly permitted by federal law. The Practice Collective is not authorized to grant permission for use of copyrighted excerpts and selections reprinted in this book without the permission of the owners. Permission must be obtained from the copyright owners as identified herein. Address request for permission to: rights@loyolapress.com. Additional content curated by Lori Shoults. Graphic design by Jenna Perrine and Lori Shoults. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from The Practice Collective.
The Ignatian Journey A CONTEMPORARY APPROACH TO THE SPIRITUAL EXERCISES
VOLUME 1 THE ADVENTURE BEGINS: ENCOUNTERING THE UNCONDITIONAL, CREATIVE, INVITING LOVE OF GOD
Introd
“The Ignatian Journey: A Contemporary Approach to the Spiritual Exercises” is a 32-week journey through the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola. We will be following the themes as they are presented in The Ignatian Adventure: Experiencing the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius in Daily Life by Kevin O’Brien, SJ. In the introduction to the book, O’Brien describes different ways of making the Exercises and how this book can be used.
Ways of Making the Exercises
Some people have the opportunity to make the Exercises over thirty or more consecutive days, usually removed from regular life in a retreat house setting. This retreat is described in the twentieth annotation. (Jesuits make this “long retreat” at least twice in their lives.) Ignatius realized that many people do not have the luxury of time or resources to make a thirty-day retreat. Thus, in the nineteenth annotation, he describes how a person may be directed through the entirety of the Exercises but over an extended period of time, while continuing his or her ordinary daily affairs. Others, because of age, experience, life circumstances, or time constraints, cannot cover the full breadth of the Exercises. Instead they pray through particular parts of the Exercises, such as a weekend or week-long retreat or day of prayer. This is an eighteenth-annotation retreat. The preliminary notes reveal Ignatius’ intention to offer the Exercises to many people, but in different ways. We should resist judging one way of making the Exercises against another, as if one way were superior. Instead the adaptability of the Exercises poses the question. Which way is most suitable to the person desiring to make the Exercises?
How This Book Can Be Used
Even within each format for making the Exercises there is ample room for adaptation. This book offers such flexibility and can be used by those who are creatively adapting the Exercises to meet the needs of people today. However it is used, this book, like the text of the Spiritual Exercises itself, is to be experienced, not read. It’s a handy guide that invites pray-ers to encounter the living God, who is active in their lives and the larger world. First, the book may be used in its entirety to facilitate an eight-month-long retreat in daily life. In the pages that follow, there are thirty-two weeks of prayer, with suggestions for every day. For a nineteenth-annotation retreat like this, the more traditional practice is for the retreatant to pray daily on his or her own and then meet one-on-one with a spiritual director every week or so. The spiritual director, who serves as a guide for the journey, is central to the Exercises offered in this format. The director listens to the experience of retreatants and helps them discern the movement of God in their prayer and in daily events. The director may adapt the outline of the retreat presented in this book to the particular circumstances of a retreatant. As important as the role of the director is, Ignatius reminds us in the introductory notes to the Exercises that the chief spiritual director is God, who communicates with each person. The director should make every effort not to get in the way.
4
duction
In recent years, Jesuit universities, high schools, and parishes have experimented with this traditional model because there was a great demand for the Exercises but not enough directors to meet with each retreatant individually. One adaptation that has proved successful is to offer the Exercises to groups of pray-ers. Instead of meeting one-on-one with a director, retreatants meet in a small group facilitated by a director. Even if a person makes the Exercises individually with a director, he or she may enjoy getting together with others who are making the Exercises. Some Jesuit institutions offer monthly gatherings for those on retreat in daily life to share the graces of the retreat and to listen to presentations about the Exercises. Such gatherings help to build community and to bolster the Ignatian identity of a university, school, or parish. Second, the book may be used to help structure shorter experiences of prayer. A person or group might pray the Exercises in discrete blocks. The book is divided into five segments based on Ignatius’s “weeks,” which may be helpful in arranging such prayer experiences. One creative approach may be to adapt the prayer materials to the liturgical season—for example, praying with the Third Week material during Lent or with the Fourth Week material during the Easter season. Third, for those who have made the Exercises before, the book may serve as a helpful way to deepen some of those graces. Such an experienced pray-er may skip around to different parts of the book to revisit the Exercises, all depending on where God is leading him or her. Finally, for someone who is looking for structure in personal prayer life, the book may be a helpful companion because it offers suggestions for prayer around various themes. Such pray-ers shouldn’t try to make the Exercises from start to finish on their own, without the help of an experienced guide. But certainly they can use the book to dip their toes in the water, to become familiar with the rhythm and techniques of Ignatian prayer. The rules for discernment of spirits scattered throughout the book may also be helpful for people seeking to ground decisions and values in their faith. Although the Exercises are a valuable gift to God’s people, they are not for everyone. Ignatius would be the first to insist that the Exercises are only a means to an end. There are other ways of praying that help us grow in intimacy with God and that inspire a life of service to others. But if a person is called to experience the Spiritual Exercises in some form, he or she is in for an exciting, unpredictable, challenging, and perhaps life-changing adventure. (The Ignatian Adventure p. 19-22) Taking into account different learning styles and spiritual pathways, “The Ignatian Journey: A Contemporary Approach to the Spiritual Exercises” e-course offers additional weekly content. These elements are not required but have been curated specifically to enhance the experience of the Exercises.
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An Introduction to the Ignatian Adventure
by Kevin O’Brien, SJ
Kevin O’Brien, SJ, is a former lawyer who became a Jesuit nearly 15 years ago. He regularly conducts spiritual retreats for the young and old alike. An experienced high school and college teacher, he currently serves as the Vice President for Mission and Ministry at Georgetown University.
As we begin this journey we would like to invite you to read The Ignatian Adventure p. 1-30 Here are a few sections we would especially like to highlight as you begin this course. The purpose of the Exercises is very practical: to grow in union with God, who frees us to make good decisions about our lives and to “help souls.” Ignatius invites us into an intimate encounter with God, revealed in Jesus Christ, so that we can learn to think and act more like Christ. The Exercises help us grow in interior freedom from sin and disordered loves so that we can respond more generously to God’s call in our life (SE 2, 21). The Exercises demand much of us, engaging our intellect and emotions, our memory and will. Making the Exercises can be both exhilarating and exhausting; it’s no wonder that Ignatius compared making the Spiritual Exercises to doing physical exercise, such as “taking a walk, traveling on foot, and running” (SE 1). The Exercises are a school of prayer. The two primary forms of praying taught in the Exercises are meditation and contemplation. In meditation, we use our intellect to wrestle with basic principles that guide our life. Reading Scripture, we pray over words, images, and ideas. We engage our memory to appreciate the activity of God in our life. Such insights into who God is and who we are before God allow our hearts to be moved. Contemplation is more about feeling than thinking. Contemplation often stirs the emotions and inspires deep, God-given desires. In contemplation, we rely on our imaginations to place ourselves in a setting from the Gospels or in a scene proposed by Ignatius. Scripture has a central place in the Exercises because it is the revelation of who God is, particularly in Jesus Christ, and of what God does in our world. In the Exercises, we pray with Scripture; we do not study it. Although Scripture study is central to any believer’s faith, we leave for another time extended biblical exegesis and theological investigation. (p. 14-15)
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THE MOVEMENTS OF THE EXERCISES The Exercises have a natural rhythm. Ignatius divides the Exercises into four “weeks” These weeks are not calendar weeks but phases or movements felt within a person who is praying through the Exercises: Preparation Days Just as marathon runners do not begin a race with a sprint, we start the Exercises slowly and gently. We till the soil a bit before doing any planting. In the first days of the full Exercises, we consider the gift of God’s ongoing creation in the world and in us. We pray for a spirit of awe and gratitude for the gifts of God in our lives. We hope to experience a deeply felt sense of God’s unconditional love for us.
First Week
Second Week
Third Week
Fourth Week
Having recognized God’s boundless generosity to us, we naturally face our own limited response. We let God reveal to us our sinfulness and need for conversion. We acknowledge how we have misused God’s gift of freedom. With God’s help, we recognize and understand the patterns of sin in our lives. We do so in the context of knowing deep down how much God loves us and wants to free us from everything that gets in the way of loving God, others, and ourselves —that is, from everything that makes us unhappy. We pray for the grace of embracing ourselves as loved sinners. We keep our gaze fixed always on God’s mercy.
Having experienced God’s faithful love, we are moved to respond with greater generosity. We want to love and serve God and others more. As we pray through the life of Jesus Christ presented in the Gospels, we ask to know him more intimately so that we can love him more dearly and follow him more closely. We come to appreciate Jesus’ values and his vision of the world. This heartfelt knowing that leads to concrete action is a defining grace of the Exercises.
Our deepening personal identification with Jesus inspires us to want to be with him in his suffering and death. We spend time contemplating the Lord’s passion, which is the consummate expression of God’s faithfulness and love for us.
Just as we accompany Jesus in the Passion, we walk with the Risen Lord in the joy of the resurrected life. We continue to learn from him as he consoles others. Having savored God’s love for us and our world, we pray with a generous heart to find God in all things, to love and serve God and others in concrete ways and with great enthusiasm.
A caution: neatly laying out the retreat in this way can be misleading, as though we were in control. To the contrary, we follow the lead of the Spirit, as Ignatius did, and the Spirit may lead us through some twists and turns along the way. We should not follow the book of the Exercises in a mechanical way because God works with each of us so uniquely. A trusted mentor or spiritual guide can help us navigate these movements of the soul. (p. 15-17) 7
The Adven Begins...
nture
A fundamental truth underlies the Exercises: that God the Creator of all, loves us unconditionally, and we, in our beauty and even our limitation, enjoy a special worth and dignity in the eyes of God. Our Creator reminds us of this divine embrace by lavishing on us so many gifts: in nature, in our own talents, in the people around us, in the gifts of the earth. The most natural response to this gracious love and God’s faithfulness is to love God in return, to reverence the gifts of God, and to love others as we have been loved so unconditionally. In the first days of the Exercises, Ignatius invites us to pray through these basic truths as revealed in Scripture, in nature, and in our own inspired memory. These truths are so deep that they take a lifetime to appreciate fully; with a love as deep as God’s, it’s no wonder we never really figure it out.
The Ignatian Adventure p. 36
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My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. Merton, Thomas. “A Prayer by Thomas Merton” Thoughts in Solitude. Farrar, Straus Cudahy, 1958. 83. Print.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
01/ GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR ME
Week
k One
God’s
Unconditional
LOVE for Me
We begin the retreat by reflecting on God’s faithful, unconditional love for each of us. We consider who we are most fundamentally —or rather, Whose we are. Each one of us is God’s beloved son or daughter: this is the core of our identity. I suggest prayer points for each day of the week. These are only suggestions; remember that adaptability is a hallmark of the Spiritual Exercises. Do not feel that you must run through the Scripture passages as if you were completing homework. You may choose to stay with one or two passages all week. Follow the lead of the Spirit and the counsel of your spiritual guide if you have one. At the beginning of each prayer period, we pray for a certain grace: What do I desire? What do I want during this time of prayer? For Ignatius, tapping into our desires was a way to keep prayer grounded in reality. Moreover, naming what we want also helps us open up to receive the expected and unexpected gifts of God. Each week, I suggest a certain grace, but do not be bound by my wording or the specific grace I propose. Let your praying for the grace flow from the heart above all else. The Ignatian Adventure p. 38
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The Grace I Seek I pray for the following graces: to be more aware of how God is near; to trust in God’s personal care and love for me.
ISAIAH 43:1-7 (ESV) But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you. I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”
LUKE 12:22-34 (ESV) And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the 18
lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you. Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”
PSALM 23 (ESV) The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
PSALM 131 (ESV) O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore.
PSALM 139:1-18 (ESV) O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.
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// LECTIO DIVINA
“Our desire to know more, read more and study more can be another expression of our culture and its acquisitive nature. Knowing God, not knowing more, is the goal.” —Richard Rohr
From Spiritual Disciplines Handbook by Adele Ahlberg Calhoun. Copyright (c) 2005, 2015 by Adele Ahlberg Calhoun. Used by permission of InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, IL. www.ivpress.com by Adele Calhoun Adele Ahlberg Calhoun (MA, Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary) has worked in Christian ministry for over forty years. She and her husband, Doug, currently work with Highrock Church in Arlington, Massachusetts, and work with retreats, the Enneagram, and leader resourcing nationally and internationally. Adele is the author of Spiritual Disciplines Handbook.
WE UNDERSTAND WHAT WIND IS BY FEELING IT BLOW IN OUR FACE. We know what snow is like when we make a snowball or watch snowflakes collect on our mittens. This sort of knowing transcends the intellect; it is direct, sensate and experiential. Devotional reading, or lectio divina, invites us into this kind of knowing. It is the kind of knowing for which Paul prayed when he said, I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:17-19, emphasis added) The first 1,500 years of church history were characterized by the practice of lectio divina. Since many people were illiterate and many that could read didn’t have Bibles, lectio divina offered a way of attending to Scripture as it was read in church, with an ear to hearing a word from God. Some brief
and memorable word or phrase became bread for the soul throughout the week. Devotional reading is not an exercise in mentally critiquing or exegeting the text. It exists to further divine companionship. Lectio divina invites us into God’s presence to listen for his particular, loving word to me at this particular moment in time. In lectio one listens to the word as it is read aloud, or you read the text aloud for yourself. Devotional reading of Scripture is rooted in the assurance that every part of the biblical story— letters, parables, Gospels, Prophets, history—is inspired and can give voice to God’s particular word to us. Devotional reading was traditionally made up of five movements: 1. Silencio—quiet preparation of the heart. Come into God’s presence, slow down, relax, and intentionally release the chaos and noise in your mind to him. 2. Lectio—read the word. Read a Scripture passage slowly and out loud, lingering over the words so that they resonate in your heart. When a word 21
or phrase catches your attention, don’t keep reading. Stop and attend to what God is saying to you. Be open to the word. Don’t analyze it or judge it. Listen and wait. 3. Meditatio—meditate. Read the Scripture a second time out loud. Savor the words. Listen for any invitation that God is extending to you in this word. Reflect on the importance of the words that light up to you. Like Mary, who pondered the word in her heart, gently explore the ramifications of God’s invitation. 4. Oratio—respond, pray. Read the Scripture a third time. Now is the moment to enter into a personal dialogue with God. There is no right or wrong way to do this. The important thing is to respond truthfully and authentically. What feelings has the text aroused in you? Name where you are resistant or want to push back. Become aware of where you feel invited into a deeper way of being with God. Talk to God about these feelings. 5. Contemplatio—contemplate, rest and wait in the presence of God. Allow some time for the word to sink deeply into your soul. Yield and surrender yourself to God. Before you leave, you might consider a reminder that can help you dwell on or incarnate this word throughout the day. REFLECTION QUESTIONS How has your faith journey been characterized by a head-heart split? How has God’s love moved from being a matter of belief to a real and lived experience? How would you characterize the way you tend to read? How has the way you read Scripture been influenced by reading habits in general? What are the strengths and weaknesses of scanning and hurrying through material in search of the main idea? How and when have the Scriptures been the voice of God to you? How have they brought you into the presence of Christ?
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SPIRITUAL EXERCISES 1. Using Mark 10:46-52 Silencio// Put yourself in the presence of God. Become quiet and offer yourself to God. Lectio// Read Mark 10:46-52 out loud, slowly allowing the words to resonate and settle in your heart. Linger on the word or phrase that catches your attention and lights up for you. Sit with the word or phrase and savor it as a word of God for you. Meditatio// Read the passage again and listen to where the word connects with your life right now. Enter into the scene in your imagination. Imagination is a God-given gift. Envision the scene. Carefully watch the people. Listen to how they interact. What do you hear and experience as you watch and listen? Oratio// Read the passage one more time, listening attentively. Has God addressed you in this Word and invited you to respond? Allow the Scripture to lead you into a prayer response. Do not censure your thoughts or requests. Let them flow out spontaneously and freely before the Lord who loves you. Hold nothing back. Respond to God’s invitation to you. Contemplatio// Deeply receive God’s Word and rest in his presence and love. Give yourself some time to wait and be still before you reenter life as usual. Take God’s Word to you with you throughout the day. Return to it and remember it all day long. Stay with God until you feel prompted to leave. 2. Before reading Scripture, open yourself to the presence of God. Say something like “Here I am, Lord” or “Open my eyes to see wonderful things in your Word.” Read slowly until a word or phrase lights up for you. When you sense a word lighting up for you, attend to this word. Do not read any further. Listen to your feelings and God’s nudging around this word. Let this word
But now this is what the LORD says He who formed you 0 _______. Fear not, for I have redeemed _______. I have summoned _______ by name; _______ is mine. When _______ passes through the waters, I will be with_______ ; and when _______ passes through the rivers, they will not sweep over ______. When _______ walks through the fire, _______ will not be burned; the flames will not set _______ ablaze. For I am the LORD, _______’s God, the Holy One of Israel, _______ ‘s Savior.
summon you into prayer. Reflect on this word throughout the day. 3. In your Bible reading, ask God to give you a prayer response to his Word. As a word or phrase lights up for you, consider the prayer God may be calling you to pray. Then pray that prayer for the coming week. 4. When you read Scripture, insert your own name into the pronouns that stand for you. What is it like for you to read Scripture in this personal way? For example read Isaiah 43:1-3. Insert your name in the blank spaces. What is this experience of reading Scripture like for you? 5. Choose a biblical character with whom you identify. Turn to Scripture passages in which this character shows up. Read the passage aloud, placing yourself in the story as an onlooker. Let the story settle deeply into you. Listen for similarities between you and this biblical character. Where do you struggle like he or she does? How do his or her circumstances give deeper meaning to your journey? Listen to what the Lord is saying to you through this character and his or her story. How does this story help you understand your own story and where God is in that story? Talk to God about what it is like to have his Word speak to you. RESOURCES ON LECTIO DIVINA/DEVOTIONAL READING Discovering Lectio Divina: Bringing Scripture into Ordinary Life by James C. Wilhoit and Evan B. Howard Gathered in the Word by Norvene Vest
Opening to God: Lectio Divina and Life as Prayer by David G. Benner Shaped by the Word by Robert Mulholland 23
Christine Sine
Return to Our Senses Reimagining How we Pray Soak in the love of God, Let it fill every fiber of your being. Soak in the wonder of Christ, Let it fill you with the joy of life. Soak in the power of the spirit, Let it equip you with hope to change the world. God let your love soak into my soul, May it immerse me in your presence And permeate every fiber of my being. May I awaken fully to your love O God, So that my heart becomes your dwelling place. May it become the air I breathe, The food I eat, the wine I thirst for. God, may your love fill me to overflowing, So that I ache with your desires, Reaching out with justice, mercy and compassion May your love transform and make me whole. Amen.
Sine, Christine. Return to Our Senses: Reimagining How We Pray. Seattle, WA: Mustard Seed Associates, 2012. 51-52. Print, Used with permission. www.godspacelight.com
Anima Christi (contemporary translation)
(traditional translation) Soul of Christ, sanctify me. Body of Christ, save me. Water from the side of Christ, wash me. Passion of Christ, strengthen me. O good Jesus, hear me. Within your wounds hide me. Do not allow me to be separated from you. From the malevolent enemy defend me. In the hour of my death call me, and bid me come to you, that with your saints I may praise you forever and ever. Amen.
Ganss, George E. “Anima Christi: Traditional Translation.” The Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius: a Translation and Commentary. Institute of Jesuit Sources, 1992. 20. Print.
Jesus, may all that is you flow into me. May your body and blood be my food and drink. May your passion and death be my strength and life. Jesus, with you by my side, enough has been given. May the shelter I seek be the shadow of your cross. Let me not run from the love which you offer, But hold me safe from the forces of evil. On each of my dyings shed your light and your love. Keep calling to me until that day comes, when, with your saints, I may praise you forever. Amen.
Fleming, David. “Anima Christi: Contemporary Translation.” Hearts on Fire: Praying with Jesuits, by Michael Harter, Loyola Press, 2005, 3. Print.
Henri J. M. Nouwen, excerpts from Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World. Copyright © 1992 by Henri J. M. Nouwen. Reprinted with the permission of The Permission Company, LLC, on behalf of The Crossroad Publishing Company, Inc., crossroadpublishing.com
For Reflection
“We are the Beloved. We are intimately loved long before our parents, teachers, spouses, children, and friends loved or wounded us. That’s the truth of our lives. That’s the truth I want you to claim for yourself. That’s the truth spoken by the voice that says, ‘You are my Beloved.’ Listening to that voice with great inner attentiveness, I hear at my center words that say: ‘I have called you by name, from the very beginning. You are mine and I am yours. You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests. I have molded you in the depths of the earth and knitted you together in your mother’s womb. I have carved you in the palms of my hands and hidden you in the shadow of my embrace. I look at you with infinite tenderness and care for you with a care more intimate than that of a mother for her child. I have counted every hair on your head and guided you at every step. Wherever you go, I go with you, and wherever you rest, I keep watch. I will give you food that will satisfy all your hunger and drink that will quench all your thirst. I will not hide my face from you. You know me as your own as I know you as my own. You belong to me. I am your father, your mother, your brother, your sister, your lover, and your spouse…yes, even your child…wherever you are I will be. Nothing will ever separate us. We are one.” Henri Nouwen in Life of the Beloved p. 36-37 27
Surrender to
fact, they tend to make the idea of fundamental makeover seem extravagantly unrealistic.
By David Benner David G. Benner is an internationally known Canadian psychologist, transformational coach, author and wisdom teacher whose books and teaching have focused on the interface of psychology and spirituality—particularly the unfolding of the self associated with a journey of awakening.
However, if we dare to be honest, we all know our need for radical change. We know the immense difference between our outward appearance and inner reality. Our love is more self-serving than it appears, our woundedness deeper, our self-deceptions more pernicious. Our failures to live up to even our own expectations and ideals are massive. Our failures to live up to God’s expectations are profound. Jesus knew this. This is why his call to leave everything, follow him and experience true life is so striking. It puts us in touch with the reality of our inner world, and it makes us aware of the depth of our longing for real change.
Transformed by Love
So unlike the message of self-improvement gurus who offer the small extra bits of help we think we need to finish off our personal renovation projects, Jesus’ offer is abundant life based on death and rebirth. Change doesn’t get much more radical than that! The language of transformation is too optimistic for psychology. At one time psychotherapists dared to use the bold language of cure. With more modesty, most now speak of aiding growth. Some simply think in terms of helping adjustment and coping. But the language of transformation is profoundly Christian. Paul reminds us that the goal of the spiritual journey is being transformed into the image of God—the image we were created to reflect (2 Corinthians 3:18).
Transformation is a big concept, not simply a big word. It involves change on a grand scale— bigger than most of us know much about from personal experience. Typically our experience of personal change is limited to small, incremental shifts that are visible mainly in retrospect. Perhaps as I look back it may appear that I have begun to control my temper better or be a little more disciplined about food. But while changes of this sort are important, they pale in significance when compared to the notion of transformation. In
Christian transformation never settles for cosmetic adjustments. It involves being reborn— remade into who we were destined from eternity to be. But recall who Paul was and what his authority is to speak of personal transformation. We pick up his story when he was known by another name. Saul was the champion of a reign of terror against Christians in the early days of the church. With unrelenting zeal he committed his life to hunting down and killing those who followed Jesus. Fueled by hatred and fanaticism, he set as his mission the elimination of every trace of Christianity from first-century
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Palestine. How little he could have guessed what lay in store for him when one day he set out to go to Damascus, “breathing threats to slaughter the Lord’s disciples” (Acts 9:1). This day did not find him in the midst of a self-improvement program to which Christian conversion might add a helpful component. This day found him self-preoccupied with his hatred and in the grip of his tyrannical rigidity. It was, for him, a typical day. “Suddenly, while he was traveling to Damascus and just before he reached the city, there came a light from heaven all around him. He fell to the ground, and then he heard a voice saying, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?’ ‘Who are you, Lord?’ he asked, and the voice answered, ‘I am Jesus’” (Acts 9:35). This was just the beginning of the changes that led to the death of Saul and the birth of Paul—a man who was to become as famous for his love of Christ and his followers as Saul had been for his hatred. This was the beginning of the end of his arrogance, and the end of his self-preoccupation. This would turn out to be his first day of real life. It was nothing short of conversion—a rebirth. If Paul has something to say about transformation, we should listen. He spoke from personal experience! THE TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY The Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu reminds us that even a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. What, then, is the first step on the Christian transformational journey? Christians have applied a variety of words to this first step—conversion, purgation, repentance, to name but a few. Jesus also referred to the first step with a variety of terms. Sometimes he encouraged people to repent of their sins. Other times he asked them to follow him. And sometimes he simply asked them to allow him to heal them. All seemed to invite the same response—death to their old kingdom of self and an awakening of a new life of surrender to Perfect Love. This encounter may be gradual or it may be sudden. But it will always involve a turning and an awakening. Turning 30
is repentance. Repentance, however, is never simply turning from something—sin or a way of life. It must also always involve turning to something. Christian repentance is turning to Jesus. Mary Magdalene’s experience at Jesus’ tomb on the morning of the resurrection provides a striking image of such a turning (John 20:11-18). Picture the moment. Mary is standing outside the tomb. She is overcome with grief. But worse, she is bewildered and frightened. The dramatic events of the last several days flash through her mind. She feels again the stab of pain on recalling that Jesus—the One who had given her back her life—had been killed. It felt as if her life had ended with his. Now she has discovered that his body has been taken from the grave. This only adds to her agony. She weeps. It is all she can do. Suddenly she is joined by someone she assumes to be the gardener. And then the stranger speaks one simple word—her name. Instantly she recognizes the voice. It is the same voice that had assured her of his love. It is the voice of her beloved—Jesus. In an instant Mary turns from despair to hope. Pain turns to joy, and life surges again through her body and spirit. The essence of Mary’s turning was repentance— turning toward Jesus and accepting the gifts of his love. But Mary also illustrates spiritual awakening. First she turned toward Jesus, and then she recognized him. It was the recognition that brought her back to life. But first she had to turn toward him. When she recognized him, her eyes were suddenly opened—not just her physical eyes of recognition but her spiritual eyes of awareness. Suddenly she remembered how deeply loved she was. And suddenly she knew that she was not alone. Never again could they take her Lord from her. Never again could she be alone. For she had been reunited with the Lover of her soul. Turning toward Jesus is the heart of repentance, because this is the only real possibility of turning away from sin. Turning toward Jesus also makes clear that repentance must be an ongoing matter. It must become a way of life. Jesus’ call to each
one of us is a call to be aware of his presence, to turn toward him and to surrender to his love. This is the call he offers me each and every day of my life. My response is never once for all. As Anthony of the Desert said, “Every morning I must say again to myself, today I start.” Conversion is the lifelong transformational process of being remade into the image of God. It is so much more than simply trying to avoid sin. The focus of repentance and conversion is Jesus, not my sin nor my self. My attachment to sinful ways of being is much too strong to ever be undone by mere willpower. There is no substitute for surrender to divine love as the fuel to propel such undoing. Divine love transforms both my heart and my will. Divine love enables me to choose God’s will over mine. Without this, repentance will be nothing more than a self-help scheme based on effort and resolve. Christian conversion is the most radical change process in human history. So much more than a mere change of the externals of our life, it is the refashioning of our entire being. The scope of transformation it entails makes even the most extravagant claims of therapeutic psychology pale by comparison. But if an encounter with divine love is really so transformational, how is it that so many of us have survived such encounters relatively unchanged? It seems that the experience of love—even God’s love—does not always have transforming consequences. It is important to understand why this is the case if we are to allow ourselves to meet divine love in ways that lead to genuine change. THE NAKED SELF The single most important thing I have learned in over thirty years of study of how love produces healing is that love is transformational only when it is received in vulnerability. Suppose that with God’s help I am able to love my son unconditionally. But if he is desperately trying to please me, the unconditional nature of my love will not be noticed. And there will be no deep experience of knowing himself deeply and
unconditionally loved. Receiving love while he is trying to earn it will only reinforce his efforts to be lovable. Far from being transformational, this will only increase his efforts to earn love. And any love he receives will only be experienced as the fruit of these efforts. Genuine transformation requires vulnerability. It is not the fact of being loved unconditionally that is life-changing. It is the risky experience of allowing myself to be loved unconditionally. Paradoxically, no one can change until they first accept themselves as they are. Self-deceptions and an absence of real vulnerability block any meaningful transformation. It is only when I accept who I am that I dare to show you that self in all its vulnerability and nakedness. Only then do I have the opportunity to receive your love in a manner that makes a genuine difference. This applies equally to God’s love and the love of other people. Psychoanalyst George Benson describes it as receiving love in an undefended state. He suggests that willingness to receive the love of God and others without earning it is at the heart of both psychological and spiritual growth. I think he is correct. Speaking of the openness to divine love that results in transformation, Benson warns that “it is foolish to move in this fearful direction unless you are motivated by a private yearning for the presence of God; unless you sense the aching deficit within you that cannot be made right by clever maneuvers. If you can believe that you’ve ‘got it made’ or that the ‘good life’ is just ahead of you, forget transformation and scrap the Christian faith.” Daring to accept myself and receive love for who I am in my nakedness and vulnerability is the indispensable precondition for genuine transformation. But make no mistake about just how difficult this is. Everything within me wants to show my best “pretend self ” to both other people and God. This is my false self—the self of my own making. This self can never be transformed, because it is never willing to receive love in vulnerability. When this pretend self receives love, it simply becomes stronger and I am even more deeply in bondage to my false ways of living. 31
Both popular psychology and spirituality— even popular Christian spirituality—tend to reinforce this false self by playing to our deepseated belief in self-improvement. Both also play to our instinctual tendency to attempt to get our act together by ourselves before we receive love. The life and message of Jesus stand diametrically opposed to such efforts at selfimprovement. Jesus did not come to encourage our self-transformation schemes. He understood that rather than longing to receive his love in an undefended state, what we really want is to manipulate God to accept us in our false and defended ways of being. If only he would do this, we could remain unaware of just how desperately we need real love. How terrifying it is to face my naked and needy self—the self that longs for love and knows it can do nothing to manipulate the universe into providing the only kind of love I really need. The crux of the problem is that I cannot feel the love of God because I do not dare to accept it unconditionally. This is always terrifying. BEYOND BELIEF But speaking practically, how are we to know God’s love in a way that meets us in these deepest parts of our vulnerable self ? How can we ever come to know that God’s love is, in fact, genuinely unconditional? The knowing of God’s love that most Christians content themselves with is what I have called objective rather than personal knowing. We believe in God’s love, just as we believe other articles of faith. Since such belief is strongly supported by Scripture, we correctly assume that it is trustworthy. And it is. But we may also assume that it is sufficient. And it is not. Gerald May calls the sort of knowing of love that is essential for transformation “contemplative knowing.” We could also describe it as experiential knowing. It is a knowing that has moved beyond belief to experience. It is a knowing that can be tested by both reason and belief, but it is not a product of either. It is, May states, “a knowing that grows within one’s heart and directs the very substance of one’s life. . . . There is no leap of faith into this knowing.
Contemplative knowing involves a leap—some would say a quantum leap—beyond faith.”This is the only knowing of love that is strong enough to cast out fear. And this is the only knowing of love that is capable of offering us the radical transformation we need. Mere belief is simply not strong enough to do the job. Relying on belief leaves me clinging to the things I believe. And there is always the threat of doubt, which seems to hold the potential of opening the back door and allowing fear to reenter. What we need is a knowing that is deeper than belief. It must be based on experience. Only knowing love is sufficiently strong to cast out fear. Only knowing love is sufficiently strong to resist doubt. The reason May calls such knowing “contemplative” is that it results from meeting God in a contemplative state. It comes from sitting at the feet of Jesus, gazing into his face and listening to his assurances of love for me. It comes from letting God’s love wash over me, not simply trying to believe it. It comes from soaking in the scriptural assurances of such love, not simply reading them and trying to remember or believe them. It comes from spending time with God, observing how he looks at me. It comes from watching his watchfulness over me and listening to his protestations of love for me. Because such knowing is beyond faith, it is more immune to doubt. Just as the child who regularly meets her mother’s love in the core of her being knows that love without any effort to believe it to be true, so we may know God’s love in a way that is deeper and more durable than knowing based on belief. Contemplative or existential knowing may be supported by belief, but it is never reducible to it. It is based in experience, the direct personal encounter with divine love. The goal is, as stated by Paul, that we might know the love of Christ, which is beyond all knowledge, and so be filled with the utter fullness of God (Ephesians 3:1619). UNDEFENDED SNUGGLING Amanda and her mother illustrate the transformational nature of receiving love in
vulnerability. Amanda was fifteen when she was referred to me after a serious suicidal attempt. It was her third attempt in as many months, each becoming more serious. The first had occurred just after her boyfriend hung himself. She had found his body and made a vow that she would join him in death. When I first met her in the waiting room, Amanda was dressed head to toe in black, with large black circles painted around her eyes. Her face and ears were riddled with studs and rings, and she wore a dog collar and tag. The collar was attached to a waist belt with a conspicuous industrial-grade chain. Chains also dangled from the epaulets of her black trench coat. I recognized the uniform of a goth—that role prized by angry young people because of its enormous potential to shock. Amanda did not even acknowledge my presence when I introduced myself. She did, however, get up and follow me to my office. I was somewhat surprised that the woman sitting beside her did the same. In my office, she introduced herself as Amanda’s mother. Turning to Amanda I asked if she was willing to have her mother accompany her for this consultation. She answered that her mother was her best friend and that she had come because she was invited. I was intrigued. Young people like Amanda are not often best friends with their mothers. And yet the affection between them was clear. Sensing also, however, her mother’s disapproval of Amanda’s lifestyle, I asked what was the bond that had allowed her to remain close to her mother. Amanda replied, “For as long as I can remember, every night of my life I end the day by getting in bed with my mother and snuggling.” Amanda’s relationship with her mother is quite remarkable, and is in large part responsible for the fact that she has now left behind what she describes as her “black period” and is finding her way through adolescence in a relatively healthy manner. Amanda knew that she was deeply loved just exactly as she was. Her mother disapproved of her use of drugs, her promiscuous sex, her astoundingly profane language, her Satanic practices and most other aspects of her lifestyle. But with a wisdom that I have rarely seen in parents, she recognized
that what her daughter needed was not lectures but love. Fortunately, she had been giving this in large doses for all of Amanda’s life. Equally fortunately, she did not now allow her disapproval of her daughter’s behavior to interrupt this pattern in the slightest. Amanda’s mother offered a truly transforming love—transforming because while it could be resisted, it could not be received without profound psychospiritual impact. ENCOUNTERING DIVINE LOVE The key to spiritual transformation is meeting God—as Amanda met her mother—in vulnerability. Our natural inclination is to bring the most presentable parts of our self to the encounter with God. But God wants us to bring our whole self to the divine encounter. He wants us to trust him enough to meet Perfect Love in the vulnerability of our shame, weakness and sin. Trevor Hudson describes conversion as “a continuing process that unfolds one day at a time as we bring more and more of ourselves to God.” Tragically, however, most of us have large tracts of our inner world that are excluded from God’s transforming love and friendship. Perpetuating such exclusions limits our conversion. It is like going to the doctor for a checkup and denying any problems, focusing only on the parts of oneself that are most healthy. As Christ himself said, the healthy have no need of a physician. He came to save the sick and sinful (Matthew 9:12). Jesus’ parable about the banquet illustrates this process meeting God in our places of vulnerability. In Luke 14:15-24 Jesus compares the kingdom of God to a great feast. Many people are invited, but all make excuses for not coming. At the last minute, therefore, the host sends his servants out into the streets and alleys of the town, telling them to bring in the poor, crippled, blind and lame. He makes special places for them at his feast. Hudson notes that one level of interpretation of this parable is to see it as describing the process of inner transformation. Think of Christ as presiding over a banquet at the deep center of our being. His invitation
to us is to search out the poor, crippled, blind and lame aspects of our inner self and bring them to his feast of love. Here he stands ready to embrace them with love and welcome them into the family of self that he is slowly weaving together in the ongoing transformation of our life. What a shame, therefore, when we turn up at the banquet with our most spiritual parts of self, leaving the other parts that really need healing and transformation hidden in the darkness of our depths. “Denying our shadow selves access to the banquet hinders our ongoing conversion, splits our lives dangerously, and renders us vulnerable to what we have denied.” Transformation occurs when we bring all parts of ourselves into the banquet of love provided by our divine host. Our fearful, angry and wounded parts of self can never be healed unless they are exposed to divine love. This is why we must meet God’s love in our vulnerability and brokenness, not simply in our strength and togetherness. Only as we do so can our damaged and infirm parts of self be exposed to transforming love. Transformation demands that we meet God in the vulnerability of our sin and shame rather than retreating to try to get on with our self-improvement projects. But it also requires that we stay long enough in his loving presence to allow our shame to begin to melt away. For love to transform us, not only must we meet in vulnerability, we must also linger long enough for it to penetrate our woundedness. Snuggling keeps us in contact with love long enough that it has that effect. ALL LOVE IS GOD’S LOVE The more perfect the love, the more it forces us to encounter our own fear. For this reason we sometimes prefer to meet love in safer places. This easily leads to confusing our longings for divine and human love, so that we expect unconditional love from human beings. Most people probably do this at some point or another on their journey. Some never find their way out of this cul de sac. Romantic love is especially easily confused with divine love, particularly during its moments of flaming passion. The desire for union that emerges from romantic love often makes it hard 34
to separate the ultimate surrender that one longs for in relation to God from the penultimate surrender that one appropriately gives to a human lover. But when the passion dies down, confusion of divine and romantic love can lead to great disappointment. Investing hopes that can be fulfilled only by God in human beings always has this potential. But it is not just lovers who can mistakenly expect perfect love from humans. Friends can do the same. Once again, the result will always be disappointment.
We must meet our vulnerability not simply in ou togethe Parents, similarly, are unable to carry the burden of offering perfect love to their children, as are children to their parents. This need can be met only in God. Human love, no matter how noble, is always contaminated to some extent by self-interest. Narcissistic wounds—particularly if unacknowledged—will always limit the selfsacrificial qualities of unconditional love. But although human beings can never offer perfect love, human love always carries enough of its
source within it that it retains something of the healing and growth-inducing potential of divine love. Amanda’s mother clearly demonstrates this. Love always contains sparks of divine presence. Where love is, God is—for God is love and love is of God (1 John 4:7-8). Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est—where charity and love are, there is God. This is why genuine love always calls us to deeper places of trust and connection. Even the love exchanged between people and their pets has health-inducing potential. It is not the pet
t God’s love in and brokenness, ur strength and erness. that is the cause of the benefit but the cosmic presence of divine love—existing in the world as a reflection of the nature of the Creator and present in human beings as they bear his image. While human love can never bear the weight of our need for divine love, it can support transformation and teach us about divine love. Human love communicates divine love. There is no other source of love but God. Experiences of human love bring us therefore into an indirect
encounter with divine love. They also can serve to prepare us to respond to that love by making the idea of God’s love believable. The relative constancy of the love of family and friends makes the absolute faithfulness of divine love at least conceivable. Hints of unconditional love from humans makes the possibility of absolutely unconditional divine love imaginable. Human love also makes divine love trustworthy. Learning limited surrender to relatively trustworthy human beings helps prepare us for more complete surrender to perfect love. Tragically, however, the flip side of this is also true. Conditional and imperfect love from human beings makes the unconditional and perfect love of God seem unbelievable and untrustworthy. Only perfect love can completely cast out fear. And since God alone is perfect love, there is no substitute for learning what love really is by coming back to the source. God is the original that shows up the limitations of all the copies. His love, and only his love, is capable of the deep transformation we desperately need. And as we shall see in the next chapter, his love and only his love is capable of making us into the great lovers he intends us to be. Angie learned to trust God’s love in part by learning to trust mine. Her life experiences had taught her to avoid any form of vulnerability. She despised weakness and saw anything that was soft or vulnerable as weak. Power she respected but feared. She placed God in the category of power, not weakness. Initially she viewed me as someone powerful and responded with fear. But inevitably she discovered what I had known all along—that I had limitations and imperfections, in short, that I was human. I was not as smart as she, I would occasionally forget things she had told me, and I would from time to time get tired in a session. She pounced on any of these discoveries with rage and a feeling of betrayal. However, something kept her coming back. Later she told me it was the safety and consistency she felt I offered her. 35
Slowly she came to accept my limitations. And she began to accept my acceptance of her. And slowly she became open to God. What she discovered was that God was not at all like the god of her imagination. The biggest surprise was God’s vulnerability. It was this that made her most ready to receive his love. She had expected a God of power. What she found in the Christ of the Gospels was a God of weakness. It was the love of this weak and vulnerable God that was most transforming for her. For if God could dare to take risks in entering human life in vulnerability, perhaps she could take the risk he invited in meeting him in her weakness. She was finally ready to receive perfect love in an undefended state.
Then reflect on the ways you have experienced God’s love directly and personally. Picture yourself soaking in this love, and notice what changes within you. Finally, ask God to help you identify ways you still hide from his love. Think of how you could spend more time snuggling with Jesus, allowing his love to heal your deepest pockets of shame and brokenness. Ask also for his help in identifying the weak and inferior parts of yourself that you are reluctant to invite into the banquet of love God wishes to host within you. And ask him to show you the next steps he wishes to lead you to on the transformational journey of surrender to Perfect Love. (p. 69-84)
Only divine love is capable of effecting the transformation Angie experienced. Her relationship with me allowed her to first experience divine love indirectly. This helped her be ready for the real thing. As I told her, if she found anything safe and trustworthy in me, that was Jesus in me. It was God’s love that slowly began to thaw her frozen and frightened spirit. It was Perfect Love that slowly awakened her own capacities for love. FOR FURTHER REFLECTION Take some time to think about the difference love makes in your life. Allow the following to help you do so. First reflect on a world without love—a world with human beings not made in the image of God and a world into which God did not enter or to which he did not reveal himself. Allow yourself to imagine the despair of life in such a world without love. Contrast this to the world in which you live. Allow the Spirit to bring to your mind the panorama of people who have loved you or prayed for you across your life. Think about what each has taught you about the nature of Perfect Love.
From Surrender to Love by David G. Benner. Copyright (c) 2003 by David G. Benner. Used by permission of InterVarsity Press, Downers Grove, IL. www.ivpress. com
Being the Beloved Watch this sermon by Henri Nouwen that can be found on the website or by clicking on this link: https://youtu.be/v8U4V4aaNWk Also consider watching the following video from The Work of the People: “Hearing the Voice of Love” featuring Phileena Heuertz https://youtu.be/KhlMKHP8f6k
Visio Divina “Naked and Unashamed” by Jonathan Rogers, 2011
Who is God for you? How does God see you? How does God gaze upon you? How open are you to receiving this intimacy?
Weekly Journal Question
At what point do you turn back from the invitation of love? What do you know of how terrifying it is to face your naked self and allow it to be part of the encounter with other people? How is the threat of accepting God’s love different from and the same as accepting the love of others? How do you experience the risk of vulnerability in relationship to God’s love, and how do you hide from this risk and God? What would be different if you were to bring your whole self in all it’s vulnerability to God? How would you do this? From Surrender to Love by David Benner p. 111
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