01Air and Mercury.qxd 8/22/05 8:34 AM Page 4
air
stand, but not a second lover. I couldn’t live with the guilt anymore, so I told her and, not surprisingly, it ended. Ironically, the other girl left me soon afterward. I guess that’s karma for you. I spent the next six months sleeping around at Pagan gatherings, sowing my wild oats, and then one of my flings told me about polyamory . . . Initially, I saw this as a way to have a serious relationship and not get yelled at for having fun on the side as well, but over time the form and depth of our poly relationships became much more than that.” Most of the Pagans that I interviewed, however, came to polyamory by watching other people do it, often at a festival, convention, or other public Pagan event. Most of this group came to it through Pagan sources (although a few stumbled upon it at science fiction conventions) and thus absorbed it from a Pagan viewpoint, although what that meant to them was somewhat vague. Most of them also did their hunting for potential partners in a Pagan or semi-Pagan venue. Some of the polyfolks that I interviewed were living with nonPagan spouses and dealing with interfaith issues (which we’ll deal with further in Part V). Others, like Ash in Massachusetts, vehemently prefer to restrict themselves to Pagans: “Someone once said that dating outside of your religion is like dating outside of your species. I tend to agree with them. I find that an underlying spiritual connection based on a mutual worldview is essential to my relationships.” Judie in Wisconsin says, “Our poly family is made up entirely of goddess-worshipping women, and the spiritual component of our family is so important that I don’t think we could welcome someone into our family if they didn’t connect with that energy. I can’t imagine I’d want someone who couldn’t take part in our family rituals with a whole heart. It would leave them out of too many things that are bonding for us.” On the other hand, some cared more about their lovers’ polyamorous status than their religion. Ruth in Massachusetts blithely
4