How To Be A Valley Kid

How To Be

A

Valley Kid

A guide to my hometown Inspired by true facts and events

Copyright © 2022 by Lindsey Wolthuis All rights reserved Written and Illustrated by Lindsey Wolthuis I’m not even sure what else to put on this colophon page. What else needs to be said? I’m now just writing words to fill up this page on this colophon page. Colophon is a funny word. Why is it called that? The font is so small I bet you won’t even care that I’m saying all these silly words on my colophon page

How To Be

A

Valley Kid

A guide to my hometown Inspired by true facts and events

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How To Be A Valley Kid

Introduction By real-life Valley Kid Lindsey Wolthuis

Growing up in Ogden Valley is a dream, but it has it’s quirks.

Daily life can be challenging with only one grocery store in 20 miles, no fastfood joints, malls, or movie theaters without driving 30 minutes outside of town, and the only way out being through a narrow canyon or over a winding mountain pass. The town populations are so small that the junior high only makes up about 300 kids. School sports games are pathetic, and the school plays are merely 30 minute comedy skits. The highschool is fantastic, but it’s outside the valley and shared with all the suburb kids where sidewalks are a thing and Walmart is within reach. Any friends from outside the valley will tease you for being a Valley Kid, but I know they all secretly wish they were one. Imagine a lake within walking distance from your house, 3 ski resorts at least 10 minutes away, an ice-rink at the park in the winter, and breathtaking views wherever you go. Practically everybody knows each other, which can get awkward, but it’s

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How To Be A Valley Kid

moslty so fun. Imagine knowing everybody’s name in your entire grade in junior high, personally knowing quite a few of them and probably their families, and sharing jokes with your entire school. It’s fantastic.

Inside this booklet are 10 easy steps you can take to become a valley kid yourself. Most are exagerated for the comedic effect, but they’re very much based on true facts and stories straight from Ogden Valley.

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How To Be A Valley Kid

Hit at least one cow on the highway per year

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How To Be A Valley Kid

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How To Be A Valley Kid

Personally know every cashier at the only grocery store

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How To Be A Valley Kid

Invite your entire extended family to live within a two mile radius from you

(real life example) 7

How To Be A Valley Kid

Brutally loose every single school sports game 8

How To Be A Valley Kid

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Go to church with half your teachers

How To Be A Valley Kid

Share inside jokes with your entire grade

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How To Be A Valley Kid

Drive carefully on your way to school. (the probability of driving off a cliff is not 0)

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How To Be A Valley Kid

Wear earplugs on August nights if you don’t like the sound of hot air baloons on your front lawn (they’re seriously so loud) 12

How To Be A Valley Kid

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How To Be A Valley Kid

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Be patient with the tractors

How To Be A Valley Kid

Don’t count on a snow day if it isn’t up to your shoulders 15

How To Be A Valley Kid

Outroduction

By the same real-life Valley Kid Lindsey Wolthuis that wrote the introduction

So there you have it. You’re 10 steps closer to being a real life Valley Kid like me. Or 10 facts more knowlegable about Valley Kid life.

It’s truly a great life. It’s Funny and weird and tough and brutal and utterly fantastic. I confess, I’m hopelessly in love with my hometown. It’s beautiful and eccentric, and I personally think that being a Valley Kid is one of the most excitng and wonderful things a kid can be. So if you’re a kid right now growing up in Ogden Valley, please don’t take it for granted.

Go have the time of your life ;)

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How To Be A Valley Kid

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