LIFE AFTER DIVORCE AND SINGLE FATHERHOOD

By Khalid Scott, LCSW, CADC

Prior to my divorce, I heard folks say that "divorce is death for the living". Never had a statement been so true. Every single area in my life was damaged (i.e.: spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally.) I lost long term friendships that I cherished. Then I understood that when you're a husband, you feel it more because you failed your family unit, community, and worst of all, yourself!

When my ex asked me for divorce, it was surreal. I mean, in my head, I didn't do anything wrong. I was faithful, a provider, a protector, never physically harmed her, supported her dreams, was an over participatory father to our daughter. My family and friends adored her, etc. So then, why? Her only answer was that I was too controlling and made her feel suffocated. Then after a long and grueling 8 months (6/6/12) of litigation, we were no longer man and wife.

I remember asking myself after my divorce in 2012, "How was I going to raise a little girl by myself?” How am I going to do her hair, buy her clothes (including undergarments), feed her despite not knowing how to cook, teach her the importance of being "ladylike", making sure she doesn’t have chipped nail polish (lol), make sure she excels in school, encourage her, wipe away her tears when she misses her mom’s presence in the house, tell her when she's wrong without taking her confidence away, etc., etc., etc! But guess what folks? I did it and did it well (In my head)!!

In June of 2020, Anayah graduated from High School, her GPA was an astonishing 5.1, she ranked #3 out of 390 students, an ISAC Scholar, a member in the National Honor Society, and was granted an academic scholarship to the #2 ranked Liberal Arts college, Amherst College, to major in Neuroscience. At her drive through graduation due to the COVID-19 pandemic, she hugged me and said "Daddy, you're my HERO!"

REMEMBER:

God made you, BUILT you and blessed you with the ability to be your child's HERO, so put on your cape Super Dads! Thanks for listening, family, and keeping Anayah and I in your prayers!

Next, think of a compelling feature for your cover story. This will be what draws your audience in. Make sure that you have accompanying visual content that immediately catches the eye.

We are living in a time when chaos, uncertainty, division, and calamity seem to be the norm. From young to old, anxiety, depression, and suicides are at record levels. As we face our Storms, we often lose sight of the GOD who calms the storm.

Fortunately, there is a shift occurring to find peace, understanding, love and joy. That shift is beckoning for higher consciousness, a calling for the hearts and minds of human beings to return to God.

Created to expand the human family, and remind us of our Creator, D&B Originals has created the God Works and Love is Everything Collection. D&B is a visionary design company specializing in creating unique graphics for everyday items, aiming to inspire and motivate individuals to enhance their lives and contribute to the betterment of Humanity. The graphics’ meaning is profound.

God Works is a multi-dimensional creation designed to reconnect human beings to The Creator.

From the outer realm, there are seven dimensions. Starting with God’s Greatest Command: LOVE. In the second dimension – Patience, followed by Under-standing, then Intelligent, Counselor, Holy, and finally, Judge.

There are seven dimensions because 7 is the number of completion.

Once we journey through each of the seven realms, we ascend into the eighth. 8 is the number of new beginnings. When we experience the 8th, we discover God. Whenever we discover God, we also discover God’s Abundance and Goodness.

Our truest desire for creating God Works is for us to become a reflection of the Creator of the Universe: Almighty God.

As we become a reflection of God, we become more Loving, more Patient, and more Understanding. As we begin to understand ourselves, self-awareness increases; thereby, preparing us to become intelligent counselors, and healers. Healed people embody Holiness; therefore, healed people, heal people.

With this new level of awareness and discernment, we move beyond our minor differences, enabling us to advance into the seventh dimension, accurately judging mension, accurately judging between good and evil. Whether we begin at the top of the first dimension with Love, or ascend into the vector from the bottom, our ultimate destiny is the same: An encounter with GOD.

God Works was created in a perfect circle, symbolizing it is whole and complete. When we begin to unlock our highest consciousness, we too will enter the realm of wholeness and the dimensions of completeness.

At D&B Originals our ultimate desire is to turn the hearts and minds of mankind back to GOD.

Living life

on purpose can mean different things to different people, but generally it involves identifying your values, passions, and goals, and then aligning and pivoting your actions and choices with those things What are your core values? What brings you and fulfillment? What are your specific goals?

Are they measurable goals that align with your values and passions?

By identifying your values, pursuing your passions, setting goals, taking action, and reflecting and adjusting as needed, you can begin pivoting to your passion.

Many people are dissatisfied with their current reality. They continue to search for ways to become better and live better. There are many factors that can prevent you from pivoting to your passion. Such as, lack of time, lack of resources, fear of failure, lack of support, and even burnout. Pivoting in your life requires courage and a willingness to step outside of courage and a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone. But with dedication and hard work, you can achieve your desired outcome and create the life that you want.

Although pivoting, or changing direction in your life, career or business, can be a challenging process, the rewards can be amazing. In my book, Teach Me How To Pivot, I highlight and discuss the importance of developing a “pivot mindset.” The “pivot mindset,” is about being innovative and having the desire to try new things, which can be frightening for many people. If you’ve been operating on auto-pilot for any period of time, you can feel you know what you’re doing, so the thought of doing something radically differently can be daunting.

Therefore, making the prospect of change lеѕѕѕсаrу, уоu need tо break t down. Yоu don’t hаvе to change everything overnight. You can begin mаking incremental changes, small changes and have a very сlеаr gоаl оf what уоu want to асhеvе. Dоn’t bе afraid оf failure if еасh ѕmаll change dоеѕn’t work уоu’vе not hаd a complete disaster. Yоu саn try something еlѕе and learn from these teachable moments. Then build оn уоur results оnсе уоu’vе mаdе changes, wаtсh what the еffесt ѕ, lооk at уоur results and then build оn that. You will quickly see that ѕmаll ѕuссеѕѕеѕ begin to аdd up!

It’s time to activate your passion, potential, and purpose. If you are interested in learning more about how to determine your desired outcome for your life, consider joining the Pivot to Passion Academy.

Last August I was in Chicago for My

Kindergarten Graduating Class

Reunion to celebrate 45 years of Friendship and happened to stop in a neighborhood spot on 55th Street between King Drive and Cottage Grove. I had no idea who I would encounter at this particular intersection but the stars align and God-ordained my introduction to Mr Anthony Oliver, a native Chicagoan; Business; Pioneer and Visionary And what an introduction, it was He shared a wealth of knowledge as well as resources. I immediately felt that Mr. Oliver was a hidden gem in Chicago and someone who needs to be in the forefront sharing these solution-focused, selfsustaining life tools he acquired along his journey from The Bottom Up. I began to probe the mind of this unicorn in The Chi and here are my findings… Enjoy your Journey into The Heart & Mind of The Man; The Myth and The Visionary: Anthony Oliver.

CHICAGO’S NATIVE SON

Mr. Anthony Oliver, before we begin, in true Chicago Southside form… You know, I must rename you to solidify our kinship. How does A.O. sit with you, My Friend?

A.O. – It’s A-Okay… LOL

Awesome Sauce, A.O.! So, let’s get down to it. Tell me about your upbringing. Who was Little Anthony; what was he like?

A.O. – Little Anthony was a straight bottoms-up guy growing up in the city of Chicago in 1960, navigating his way throughout the various low-moderate in-come communities I was born in the Woodlawn Community and at the age of eight years old, I experienced a near death trauma that left me with a lifelong scar.

This scar is my blessing We moved to Avalon Park, Jeffrey Manor and I attended George Washington Carver H S in Altgeld Gardens, all three were low to middle income communities. Public transportation was my primary mode for getting around, so I knew these various communities well. I was well liked, made friends easily, and always had their backs! I clearly understood the tricky boundaries I traveled which are not too much different today! It was part of the course. Inspired by the love of basketball, the drums of the street, I loved the heartbeat of Chicago!

Who is Anthony Oliver today?

A.O. - Anthony is a 62-year-old father, family man, entrepreneur for the past 30 years in real estate, and business owner that impacts both the west and south sides of Chicago Talking about south sides of Chicago. Talking about myself seems so unnecessary, but I get it. I must purge and share with strangers to make the next-level positive economic impact in the communities. I live in the communities. I live in Chicago. Today, my spirit is strong and seeking, although I don’t have a church affiliation, my mind is curious, my body is a work in progress, and my family is priority I’ve learned this order of the universe throughout the years I am often self-reflective; I listen to opinions from all walks of life. I’ve learned from just being an ordinary man in a world that’s trying NOT to be extraordinary. I find this space fits me the best! I’ve come to realize that 99% of the people I know, respect, and listen to are also in this space. I’m grateful, and humble, but not necessarily selfeffacing. I know GOD has work for me to do. I’m the total sum of me. From rich to poor, good versus evil, and all the races in the world, I believe there is enough work to do in each of our enough work to do in each of our personal lives to make yourself happy. It’s a lifestyle we seek to improve and there are many intersections where we meet real people… Never take it for granted!

What are some of the challenges and obstacles you have faced and how did you overcome them?

A.O. – Today, I am more prepared to meet the open market and answer the call to overcome obstacles coming my way. This was not always the case. In the 80’s after college, I felt frustrated with my professional path. I worked on death row, in jails counseling people and as a Social Worker. I thought I wanted to be a psychologist. I was given grant related job opportunities and management positions for awesome not-for-profits (NFP) social service organizations. I should’ve felt satisfied but instead, I felt shackled by restrictive guidelines that seemed to serve those writing the qualifications to access the grants rather than the grantees. It felt fake to me! It was “that thing” I couldn’t put my finger on. I started Oliver’s Carpet Cleaning Company in 1989 while working for a NFP organization serving the developmentally disabled. I rented a Rug Doctor carpet cleaner and drove a Pinto, with a hatchback - I’m 6 feet, 6 inches tall mind you I got my first taste of being in the open market, this intersection was the beginning of challenging the unknown for me. With failure up close and personal, I felt scared and alone, carrying Rug Doctors up three flights of stairs often. I had a praying mother. I realized I needed to be here, in this place, and my spirit came alive. A for-profit S corporation, Oliver’s Carpet Cleaning Company took flight. I landed commercial contracts for Lake Meadows high-rise residential, Payless shoe stores and Blockbuster. Learning and making money felt great! I walked by faith through the intersection on a pathway that would rekindle my thrust to simply listen to my spirit! “Keep walking with your head up,” my mother would say Aunt Hazel would say, “You need to get back in church, go talk to Rev Taylor,” referring to the pastor of St Paul Missionary Baptist Church

A strange thing happened in 1992, coming from Hero's Nightclub at 2am in the morning. I sat with a homeless man who would show me my “true self.” He was my mirror on the curb, from the bottom-up! It was there, at that moment, I learned about a group of people trying to launch a newspaper called StreetWise for sale to the homeless community. My spirit said go see for yourself and I did. I walked through those doors at 62 East 13th Street and there it was. People from all over the city, working together, volunteering, writing articles on one side of the room and the other area a cashier station set up for the sale of StreetWise newspaper for homeless men and women. I volunteered to fill this room with willing customers. In other words, I would work to unshackle the homeless population that had been hidden out of sight in Chicago. I didn’t know how, but it didn’t matter to me I was free to pivot “I will do it- they are me and I’d seen this before!”

Anthony is StreetWise I am true StreetWise. The reason StreetWise has existed for 30 years is because Anthony put his heart; soul; his spirit and the fiber of who he was and blew breath in the foundation at a time when building a collaboration of people together understood that the “WE” is bigger than the “I.”

For those readers who do not know anything about StreetWise, can you briefly explain what it is and the significant role you played for a season?

A.O. - StreetWise back then was a lot different from StreetWise today in so many ways. Although the core business foundation we established remains the same! It was an offshoot of Street News which was in New York When I say I’d seen this before I meant with The Final Call newspaper being sold by The Nation of Islam. StreetWise vendors bought the newspaper from us for 25 cents and sold it in the open market for a dollar.

When I walked in the place it was in total chaos: new bundles of printed newspapers all over the place, street fights inside, drugs, violence, exoffenders looking for that next move fresh out of prison. I was home. I would do this for free and I did for my first year! I recruited from under Lower Wacker Drive, in jails, etc. I held weekly motivational meetings. “Do-for-self, not by yourself” was my theme. I wanted men and women to sell papers in downtown Chicago and boy did we. The rich met the extreme poor from the bottom-up! It was a magical intersection - people with access to each other that never thought it would happen.

I would recruit smart people to teach me, smart journalists to write, and enthusiastic business volunteers to help me figure out this new NFP business model. I sold my carpet cleaning company -- I gave it away! I’d listened to my Spirit; the work was so much bigger than me. I saw the vision, “growing people to greater levels of self-sufficiency.” Unlocking their will to succeed with everyday life, just improve their lifestyle- I didn’t have a clue! I put out and they came, the rich, the smart, the aspiring and the hopeful. It was all races who came to the table to help, but it was the leadership of strong black women heading the Board that helped me channel my vision. I worked day and night to figure out this thing, it was emotionally draining.

StreetWise was a dangerous place I would have to tame it, keep it from blowing up like Street News did We were fragile in our infancy, and I knew it. We represented all things street. The founding team exploded in 1993, I was devastated but determined NOT to send our men and women backwards by closing its doors. I leaned in hardremoving founding members, strengthening the Board of Directors, and sending more men and women into downtown Chicago! I wanted people to just see instead of judge! I branded the hearts of the homeless community “we are StreetWise, we walk a different road, we walk by faith wherever we go. We are strong. We are proud. We don’t stutter or whisper, we say it loud - StreetWise, it’s all good! Go, let the world know we are here.”

The foundation of the StreetWise business model is the true story of people from all walks of life, rolling up their sleeves and leaning in. It’s a model that is very relevant for all small businesses operating in low-income communities In 2002, after building a higher-level infrastructure for StreetWise, I moved from CEO, a paid position, to the Board of Directors, a volunteer position. I later left the Board in 2005, knowing that the Board that I grew was passionate and had a vision that was different from my next level for StreetWise. It hurt, but I would get over it and pivot to the open market with a real estate business plan in hand. I would do this next level vision in the low-moderate community and “grow people with community.”

I’m always StreetWise but StreetWise is NOT always me!

How did you get from StreetWise to CVIC?

A O Community Venture Investment Corporation was founded in 2002 It was an inspiration I had after meeting the late John Pritchard John was the principal and CEO of Community Investment Corporation, known to us as CIC. CIC was a NFP commercial residential real estate lender impacting low-income communities. I wasn’t prepared to access CIC’s leading programs, at that time, so I entered Shore Bank’s residential investment system using my business plan. We were a resounding success! The Shore Bank leadership team headed by another strong black female pulled out the velvet hammer! She sharpened the vision; this was another intersection moment of growth.

Shore Bank is gone, but we have moved on with CIC as successful investor/practitioner today, I sum it up as Lifestyle at the Intersection (L@TI).

How does that translate to Lifestyle at the Intersection, L@TI?

A.O. - At the youthful age of 62, I realize that we all are in search of a particular lifestyle -- the housing challenged, the rich and poor, all races and nationalities It is the inter-section that determines our decision to journey. These intersections are a “mindful place,” a place for introspection and self-reflection. I am squarely focused now on my community in a mindful way. The survival of community depends on how we move forward. It is the social and economics or the economics and social. I believe it is the order in which we put words out into the universe that guides our behavior. I believe my community is too dependent on the NFP business models! Let’s have a L@TI moment. Our niche is “mindfulness and real (estate) business from the bottom-up.” It’s a one trillion-dollar open market proposition to our low-income communities! If we think “this thing” through, I strongly believe that we can grow people with community without unnecessary displacement. necessary! It’s one thing to throw a vision out and say, “oh, this is my vision to help everybody.” The truth is some people are content and my efforts are wasted, we meet the community where it lives!

What is your vision for CVIC and Your community?

A.O. - CVIC is all things small business, real estate investment, property management, contractor and we own Alexander Movers, a moving company since 1971. Today, we launch Lifestyle @ The Intersection which is a quarterly digital magazine. My son, Corey is now the CEO and I’m the Chairman of the Board. CVIC sees an opportunity to do more of what we’ve done for the past 20 years, watch the market, invest to stabilize, and grow small business and people with community. This is organically who we are. The beauty of real estate, like food, is that it’s always necessary!

Source: McKinsey & Company, "Feeling good: The future of the $1.5 trillion wellness market," 4/8/2021.

What does the future hold for CVIC and Lifestyle at the Intersection?

A.O. - June 1, 2023, is the launch of L@TI magazine, an important vehicle that showcases awesome talent in our communities. I’m assembling people smarter than myself to effectively penetrate a highly competitive mindful real (estate) business market. The value proposition is endless. A magazine that questions and challenges one’s thinking about this moment into the future will have a lasting impact on generations to come. L@TI will gain legs and move on from CVIC. It will be by will of the founding team you will meet in the first edition. They are awesome! This is the beauty of us at the intersection.

CVIC is stabilizing its infrastructure as the final leg of its growth. Corey; Dawn; Carla; Alleceia; Brittany and Keith, along with our host of contractors; investors and partners will continue to get into “good trouble!” Shake it up, this moment is full of unknowns I feel at home in this place- my spirit, mind, body, and family are my only guides. Let’s have a mindful moment at the intersection.

Where is your greatest sphere of influence and impact?

A.O. - My greatest sphere of influence is that I have a vision that I’ve practiced for the past 30 years. I only credit myself for building bridges to extend the journey from the bottom-up. My impact so far is my desire to integrate high net worth capital markets in low-income communities, making profit margins, reinvesting, and growing with the community. In other words, yielding from the open markets to help support our social needs. I’ve influenced thousands of homeless people, thousands of low-income tenants, and hundreds of small business practitioners and high-net worth individuals to create common value with returns on all sides! I believe this is an answer to growing people with community!

L@TI is uniquely positioned to navigate its future. A magazine that promotes bottom-up economics and launching think tanks in low-income communities! It will be entertaining, fun and lively. It’s independent, using advertising dollars as our primary revenue source, and my profit margins. I’ve begun developing the infrastructure of a think tank model befitting the west and south sides Chicago from the bottom-up!