LIFE AFTER DIVORCE AND SINGLE FATHERHOOD

By Khalid Scott, LCSW, CADC

Prior to my divorce, I heard folks say that "divorce is death for the living". Never had a statement been so true. Every single area in my life was damaged (i.e.: spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically, and mentally.) I lost long term friendships that I cherished. Then I understood that when you're a husband, you feel it more because you failed your family unit, community, and worst of all, yourself!

When my ex asked me for divorce, it was surreal. I mean, in my head, I didn't do anything wrong. I was faithful, a provider, a protector, never physically harmed her, supported her dreams, was an over participatory father to our daughter. My family and friends adored her, etc. So then, why? Her only answer was that I was too controlling and made her feel suffocated. Then after a long and grueling 8 months (6/6/12) of litigation, we were no longer man and wife.

I remember asking myself after my divorce in 2012, "How was I going to raise a little girl by myself?” How am I going to do her hair, buy her clothes (including undergarments), feed her despite not knowing how to cook, teach her the importance of being "ladylike", making sure she doesn’t have chipped nail polish (lol), make sure she excels in school, encourage her, wipe away her tears when she misses her mom’s presence in the house, tell her when she's wrong without taking her confidence away, etc., etc., etc! But guess what folks? I did it and did it well (In my head)!!

In June of 2020, Anayah graduated from High School, her GPA was an astonishing 5.1, she ranked #3 out of 390 students, an ISAC Scholar, a member in the National Honor Society, and was granted an academic scholarship to the #2 ranked Liberal Arts college, Amherst College, to major in Neuroscience. At her drive through graduation due to the COVID-19 pandemic, she hugged me and said "Daddy, you're my HERO!"

REMEMBER:

God made you, BUILT you and blessed you with the ability to be your child's HERO, so put on your cape Super Dads! Thanks for listening, family, and keeping Anayah and I in your prayers!

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BELOW ARE 10 TIPS AS A SINGLE FATHER THAT I HAVE PUT IN PLACE FOR MY DAUGHTER:

Be deeply “In-Love" with yourself (if you love yourself then you won’t and can't tolerate MESS!)

Thank the Lord for every day you exist and tell him that you love and honor him!

Be "Beautiful" internally and externally (The world loves a beautiful woman)!

Value your loved ones (family and friends) genuinely!

Don't ever "BEG" for someone's love... if nothing else, your Daddy loves you!!

Keep your hair done and no chipped nail polish on your finger and toenails!

Conduct your entire life in an orderly fashion (to the best of your ability!)

When you make errors in life, it's how you fix them that shows what kind of woman you are!

Apologize if you treat another human being wrong!

Find a Great Man like your DAD!