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smp.

No. 19,May 6 5 :1 -'


TOM AL W/WJ'J

BHERE, MP

W KM

THERE EVERYWHERE,

w e m 147a KING STREET, SYDNEY Phone: 28-0537

(a t rear o f lift) near C astlereagh St.

H M LW eaR I

26-28 MARKET LANE MELBOURNE (o ff Bourke St opp.

Please in d ica te th e ty p e o f F orm al W ear you w ish , a n d en close a c h eq u e, m o n e y order or p o sta l n o te to co ver th e d ep o sit a n d h irin g cost, (D e p o sit w ill be r e tu r n e d .) TU XED O : H irin g cost, £ 2 / 2 / - ; Deposit, £ 5 ; Postage 6 / - ; T O T A L £ 7 / 8 / - , D IN N E R SUIT: H irin g cost, £3Deposit, £ 5 ; Postage, 6 / - ; T O T A L , £ 8 / 6 / - . DINNER S U IT A N D T U X E D O ACCESSORIES: S h irt 1 0 /- extra; T ie, 5 / - e xtra ; Gloves, 5 / - e x tra ; Dress J y 'tery, 5 / - e xtra . (Please state c o lla r size.) DRES JIT: H irin g cost, £ 5 / 5 / - ; Deposit, £ 5 ; Po'staqe, 6 /- TO TAL, £ 1 0 /1 1 /- . H irin g cost includes: Dress S h irt and C o lla r, w h ite Vest, Studs and C u ff links, w h ite Gloves and w h ite Tie. (Please state c o lla r size o f s h irt.) LOUNGE SUIT: H irin g cost, £ 3 ; Deposit, £ 5 ; Postage 6 / - ; T O T A L , £ 8 / 6 / - . A n d fo r th e F a ir Sex — D EB U TA N TE G O W N : fro m £ 8 -£ 1 0 dep.- W E D D IN G G O W N : fro m £ 1 0 -£ 5 dep. BA LL G O W N : from £5£5 dep. FUR STOLES: fro m £ 2 / 2 / - to £5 dep. ★ LA R G E S T H IR IN G SER VIC E IN A U S T R A L IA

FOR OZ

Southern Cross car p a rk )|

Phone: 32-4795

*(Follow these directions; Shirt Size Neck

A LL

READERS


Featuring the latest gimmicks

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ARRIVAL OF MR. J. R. DARLING --------------*-------------TTT.AT) OF GEELONG GRAMMAR. Public School Boys in Business. Mr. J. R. Darling, who has been ap­ pointed head master of the Geelong Gram­ mar School, Corio, in succession to Dr. F. E. Brown, arrived in Melbourne by the Adelaide express yesterday. He left the Otranto at Adelaide in order to have an additional day with Dr. Brown at Corio before the term begins on Wednesday. Mr. Darling is tall and sparely built, and there is a remarkable likeness between his fea­ tures and those of Dr. Brown. He was educated at Repton School and Oriel Col­ lege (Oxford), and was recently senior history master at Charterhouse. He is aged only 30 years, and before going to Oxford he served in France with a com­ mission in the Royal Field Artillery. Early last year Mr. Darling was in charge of the Knglish public schools’ tour of New Zea­ land. Mr. Darling said yesterday that be was interested in the repetition of such tours as a means of strengthening the bonds of Empire. “That tour,” he said, “ impressed upon me that there was much more that was British in Australians than they sometimes realised, and th at Australia had a unique opportunity of development be­ cause it couid avoid making the mistakes Britain had made while holding fast to the incomptrable British virtues. If intel­ ligence is the capacity to profit by past experience, then Australia ha* a marvellous chance of exhibiting intelligence.” “I am going to be very interested,” he said, "in the cultural (beastly word) side of the school, in the unacademic as noil as the academic side. I am interested to learn of the wolk ot the literary and de­ bating sooicty, the musical and artistic activities at the school, and the publication of the mapozinc ‘If.’ It is always good to find schoolboys writing poetry. Of course it roust necesaarily be rather 'rubbishy*

3 J e r s e y R o a d , W o o lla h r a T e le p h o n e 3 2 4 8 1 5 f o r r e s e r v a tio n s stuff usually, but if it is sincere, that is all that is really important. W ith schoolboys the usual tendency is to imagine that good poetry consists in using unrecognisable words and being generally obscure, instead of realising that all that matters is that one should feel something deeply, ‘see’ it clearly, und put it down in the simplest and most truthful manner. I think Rupert Brooke is the idea! sclioolboys’ poet. He is so splendidly normal, so freely in love with life, so utterly and beautifully different from what might be called u professional poet like Swin­ burne.” Mr. Darling said that it was pleasing to noticc thut in Britain the managements of many important business houses were tending to give preference to old public school boys in making appointments. “I understand the same tendency can be seen here,” lie added. “ I- do not like to m>c boys leaving school for commercial rensous before the normal age of about 18 years. Thut time is the most usefully impres­ sionable phase of their development. Busi­ ness men are realising th st those two or three additional years when boys gain ex­ perience in leadership in various ways arc immensely important, even from an entirely commercial point of view, and also that a public school training is much more than a i hall-mark.’*

’ AGE* EEB* 1 9 3 0 r

PAILY MIRROR, FRIDAY, APRIL 30, 1965

V |

DAILY MIRROR. MONDAY, MAY 3, 1965

Eople. Mr. Ask in’s forceful "campaign made full use of the tide against Labor. It appealed especially to young people frustrated by the fuddyduddy, slow-moving attitudes of a gov­ ernm ent dug-in for more than 20 years. B ut the vote is plainly against the oldfashioned, unimaginative, bureaucratic pattern of Labor adm inistration he was unable to shift. It is a vote against petty tyrannies and muddle in trans­ port, rents, shopping hours and Sunday entertainm ent.

So on his record, M r. R enshaw deserves a fu ll term as Prem ier. I Beside his temperate platform that o f Mr. I Askin, w ho scatters fresh promises at every j j^^yhigtle-stop, appears somewhat hysterical. H

o

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e

v

e

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M r. Renshaw’s virtues which fluence voters tomorrow.

u

t

should

^ in­

|W e believe there is every indication that I i f given a mandate, M r. Renshaw w ill I streamline administration, get rid o f dead I w ood m his cabinet and introduce brighter I I m ore vigorous and m ore imaginative men! I Un short, we believe that his re-election w ill I ensure continued and even greater pros- I j p e r i t y fo r this great State o f ours.


Sir, Soon th e L y c e u m T h e a tr e w ill be r e b u ilt, a n d so o n w e w ill be a b le to go a lo n g once m o re to tho se “P leasant S u n d a y A fte r n o o n s ” — a jo lly p o t­ p o u r r i o f p ra y er a n d p la y . P erh a p s a sh o rt re a d in g fr o m th e w r itin g s of J o h n W esley. I t is n o t g en e ra lly realised th a t W esley cu red ills o f th e bo d y as w ell as ills o f th e so u l, a n d th a t so m e o f h is cures, lik e so m e o f h is d o g m a , w ere really w ay, w ay o u t! I a m th e je a lo u s o w n e r o f a little b o o k , p u b ­ lish ed in 1863 a n d in h e r ite d fr o m m y p a te rn a l g r a n d m o th e r. I t is called “C o n s u lt M e O n A ll Y o u W a n t to K n o w ” a n d offers in te re stin g s o lu ­ tio n s to ever-o ccu rrin g p ro b le m s. L ik e h o t m a sh ed sw e d e tu r n ip p o u ltic e fo r p a in s in th e breast, a n d a u n iq u e set o f a b d o m in a l a n d an a l exercises fo r c o n s tip a tio n . A lso cures fo r certain d isorders caused by “an excess o f v e n e r y ”. J o h n W esley rates tw o pages fo r h is in te re stin g cures fo r c o n s u m p tio n :

O r, d r in k th r ic e a -d a y tw o s p o o n ­ fu ls o f ju ic e o f w a te r-c re s s e s . T h is has c u re d a deep c o n s u m p tio n . In th e la s t sta g e , s u c k a h e a lth y w o m a n d a ily . T h is has c u re d m y fa th e r. For d ie t, use m ilk a n d a p p le s , o r w a te r g ru e l m a de w i t l u . f j n £ —flo u r . D rin k c id e r-w h e y , b a rle y w a te r, sha rp e n e d w ith le m o n -ju ic e , o r a p p le w a te r. So lo n g as th e tic k lin g c o u g h c o n tin u e s , c he w w e ll, a n d s w a llo w a m o u th fu l o r tw o o f a b is c u it o r c ru s t o f b re a d tw ic e -a -d a y . I f yo u c a n n o t s w a llo w i t s p it i t o u t. T h is w ill a lw a y s s h o rte n th e f i t , a n d w o u ld o fte n p re v e n t a c o n s u m p tio n . —J o h n W e s le y .

iJ n e can visu a lise h is d ea r aged fa th e r, in th e last stages o f c o n s u m p ­ tio n s ittin g u p in bed, eagerly g u lp ­ in g d o w n h is m ed ic in e . J o h n M e r e d ith , 7 A g a r Steps, M ille r ’s P o in t, N .S .W .

A ll A b o u t O Z

FOLK WORKSHOP/SONG-SWAP Non-professionals wanted fo r in­ formal and, for the time, non-public sessions. Sing in tune (sic) and interest only requirements. Also folk fiddlers, guitar, mandolin, accordion, tin-whistle, didgeridoo, etc. Ring 31-8325 for further details. Michael Ball

E D IT O R S : R ich a rd N eville, R ichard W alsh. A S S IS T A N T E D IT O R : D ean L etcher. S E C R E T A R Y : M arsha R ow e. A R T D IR E C T O R : M a rtin S h arp. A R T IS T S : G ary S h ea d, P eter K in g sto n , M ik e G lasheen. ★ OZ is an in d e p e n d e n t m ag azin e. I t is p u b lish ed b y O Z P u b lications I n k L im ­ ited , 1 6 H u n te r S tre et, S y d n e y . 28-4197, 96 -1 4 4 8 (a fte r h o u r s ). ★ O Z sh o u ld a p p ea r o n th e fir s t o f every m o n th , b u t is u su a lly late. In S yd n ey, O Z is available fr o m street-corner vendors a n d larger city new sagents. C ollins B o o k D ep o t d istrib u tes O Z in M e lb o u rn e j C h esh ire’s sells O Z in C anberra. In A delaide, O Z is available fr o m M ary M a rtin ’s B o o k sh o p , or fr o m J o h n W aters, S t. M a rk’s C ollege. J a c k ’s C entral N ew sagency, T h e R ecord M arket a n d larger new sagents h a n d le O Z in B risb a n e. A lso now available in P erth fr o m A lb e rt’s B o o k sh o p . ★ O Z pa ys c o n trib u to rs. A rticles sh o u ld be ty p e d . T h e y d o n o t necessarily have to b e satirical. S e n d m a n u scrip ts or a rtw o rk to th e a bove address. ★ O Z circu la tio n now 2 5 ,0 0 0 . B a c k copies are still available fo r I / . . Nos. 1. 4 , 5 , 6, 8 a n d 9 ha ve so ld o u t.

C ou n cil fo r C iv il L ib e rtie s and th e Freedom to Read A sso cia tio n are a p p e a lin g fo r fu n d s fo r th e d efence o f "T h e T ria l o f Lady C h a tte r le y " in V ic to ria . D on a tio ns to K. B uckle y, Economics D e p a rtm e n t, U n iv e rs ity o f Sydney, Syan_y.

For the thrills of night trotting come to Harold Park Paceway Y o u ’v e a ll s e e n “ ju n k ie s " o n T V f ilm s — w e ll s o m e o f o u r t r o t t e r s a r e c o n f ir m e d d r u g a d d ic ts , to o . Y o u ’ll a d m ir e th e s p i r i t o f f r ie n d ly c o - o p e r a tio n a m o n g s t o w n e r s a n d d r iv e r s . 'None o f th is s e n s e le s s c o m p e titio n y o u fin d in s o m e s p o r ts . O f c o u r s e s o m e tim e s o n e o f th e f e lio w s Ju m ps o u t o f lin e a n d t r i e s to w in w h e n i t ’s n o t h is tu r n , b u t w e k n o w h o w to d e a l w ith th a t. T h e b o o k m a k e r s a r e h a p p y to t a k e y o u r m o n e y , d e lig h te d in f a c t, a n d m a n y o f th e m p a y o u t q u ite la r g e su m s, to o , to a f e w lu c k y w in n e r s . in c i d e n t a l l y r e f r e s h m e n ts a r e p r o v id e d f o r th e p u b lic a t s ta n d a r d s w h ic h w o u ld s a t i s f y e v e n th e m o s t d is c e r n in g p a tr o n o f a R a il w a y R e f r e s h m e n t R o o m .

—John Howett

S T R IC T L Y FOR L A U G H S . . . N A R K S , re ad no fu r th e r ! " P A R T Y " N o v e lty LP A lb u m C overs — fro m th e U .S .& A . W A Y - O U T G am ey T itle s /Illu s tr a tio n s on th e fr o n t ( f u ll c o lo u r) . . . U p ro a rio u s S ug­ g e s tio n s fo r R ecord E nclosures on th e b a c k . G U A R A N T E E D to g e t a n y P a rty o f f to a S w in g in g s ta r t . . . m ix a m o n g y o u r ow n a n d frie n d s re co rd c o lle c tio n s . . . fo r th e w a ll in th e D en, B a r, R um p us Room . • ■ ■ re a l Gas o f a G ift. Send s ta m p f o r fre e d e ta ils , no o b lig a tio n ; " P a r t y A lb u m C o v e rs ", B ox 3 7 0 2 G .P .O ., S ydney.

UtbrrBriiiib FmvoriUi


is die best time to join tie Australian Army

And remember,

“ W a r i s a h e ll o f a b a ll,” s h o u t th e m e n o f th e F ir s t B a tta lio n . V o it: i s th e b e s t tim e o f a ll to jo in A u s tr a lia ’s n e w a r m y . J u s t lo o k a t th e s e u n s o lic ite d te s tim o n ia ls f r o m th e S u n -H e r a ld ( H a y 2 n d ) : “T r o o p s o f th e 1st B a tta lio n R o y a l A u s tr a lia n R e g im e n t ‘ca n ’t g e t to V ie tn a m q u ic k e n o u g h ’. “ ‘T h is is w h a t w e jo in e d th e A r m y fo r ,’ th e y to ld m e w h e n I s p e n t F riday— th e ‘day o f th e a n n o u n c e m e n t’— w ith th e m a t G a llip o li B a rracks, H o lsw o rth y C a m p , n e a r L iv e r p o o l. Y o u c o u ld fe e l th e e x c ite m e n t r ip p lin g th r o u g h th e cam p. “F riday m ig h t h a ve been an o rd in a ry tr a in in g d a y— th e re w ere tro o p s m a rc h in g , tro o p s p u lli n g d o w n m o rta rs, tro o p s fir in g rifle s a n d m a ch in e -g u n s “A n d d e s p ite a ban on P ress in te rv ie w s th e ir h ig h s p ir its w ere irrepressible. “ ‘Y o u ’d be a m a zed a t th e lift in m o ra le sin c e th e a n n o u n c e m e n t th is m o r n in g ,’ said a b e -rib b o n e d se n io r N .C .O . “ ‘N o w th e y k n o w th e y are g o in g overseas to fig h t, th e re ’s a n ew sn a p to th e ir every m o v e m e n t.’ T h e tro o p s say th e sa m e th in g . “ ‘T h is is w h a t I jo in e d th e A r m y fo r —to go overseas a n d fie h t. I ’M L O O K IN G F O R W A R D T O I T .’ ”

. . . a n d w e ’r e lo o k in g f o r w a r d to h a v in g y o u . T a k e th e i r a d v ic e . . . y o u ’ll g e t a f r e e t r i p to e x c itin g , c o s m o p o lita n , h is to r ic a l V ie tn a m . Y o u to o c a n w itn e s s s c e n e s o f h o r r o r th a t in s p ir e d a r t i s t s l i k e G o ya . Y o u to o c a n b e p h o to g r a p h e d c o m m ittin g w a r a tr o c i tie s . . im a g in e ; YO U to r tu r in g a V ie t C on g g u e r illa in th e f a m ily a lb u m .

on our side


O pening shot H arbour Bridge, pan to Manly ferry, zoom in to Les T rench (played by M urray Rose) talking to his fiancee M atilda (played by D aw n F raser). It is Anzac Day noon, they are just returning from the Com bined Nondenom inational Service. Les is talking to M atilda about his convict great great great grandfather his great great grand­ father (w ho was on the right side of the E ureka Stockade) and grandfather (w ho almost died at G allipoli). Scene tw o at T aronga P ark. Les and Matilda holding hands beside a kanga­ roo pen. (K angaroo in foreground played by M idget F arrelly). Les: “L et’s go to meet my folks M atilda.” T hey hop in a taxi (driven by Bea

Miles) and drive to Sofala. Scene three in Sofala pub. They quaff a few ales and w altz to an old 78 of Melba singing “T he Man from Snowy River”. T he sw inging doors burst open and in strides the Trench 6

02. . M * y

family. “M atilda, I ’d like youse to meet D ad (played by Chips Rafferty), Dave (played by Russell D rysdale) and My Brother Jack, he’s a sentimental bloke (played by D onald H o rn e ).” D ad orders another round of ale from the barm an (played by J. T . L an g ). Scene jour. T hey go for a picnic in the bush (close-up of tw o koalas eating leaves, played by Les T an n er and Leonard T eale). Les and his brother Jack, Dave and D ad play football. A Lyrebird creeps up and tries to ravish M atilda. She breaks its neck w ith a poker-worked boomerang — only to find it is a V ien­ nese Reffo (played by G ordon C hater). Bushfire starts cattle stampede across screen. Scene of the T rench family and M atilda beating out flames w ith a dead wallaby (B arry H u m p h ries). T h e fire out — Les says “It looks like rain.” Dad says “It sure does. I w ouldn’t m ind a d rink.” Calls of “Coo-ee coo-ee” and “W altzing M atilda” come through the smoke. Joan Sutherland staggers out of sm oking bush w ith an esky full of Millers N ew slung over her back — celebration all round, m uch quaffing of grog. T hey all pass out. A swagm an creeps up (R olf H arris) and kidnaps the drunken M atilda, shoving her in his tuckerbag w ith glee. “Y ou’ll come a w ait­ ing M atilda w ith me.” A nd so they set off down the Birdsville T rack towards the Trocadero — suddenly N ed Kelly (Sid N o lan ) rides out and beats swaggie to death w ith a sheet of masonite and carries M atilda off. C ut to Bib and Bub (R obert H elpm ann and Patrick W hite)

and break the news of M atilda kidnap­ ping (all are surprised). “I thought she was pow dering her nose.” M eanwhile, Matilda held prisoner at a blacks’ camp in the shade of Ayers Rock. (Blacks played by Charles Perkins, K ath W alker and H al Lash wood.) C ut to Bondi Beach. It is three years

later. Les T rench is a lifesaver. Bondi Lifesavers are m arching past for the spectators (T h e D uke of E dinburgh played by Lord De L ’Isle). H O R R O R ! Les breaks ranks w ith a cry of S T R E W T H and plunges into the th u n ­ dering surf. W ith his bare hands he kills a huge shark (K nopfelm acher),


drags T iggy Touchw ood (played by M or­ ris W est) from its jaws and brings her into the beach, the crowd roars: “H oo­ ray for Les, he’s a horse’s ass.” H e is knighted on the spot. T iggy Touchw ood (now played by Pixie O ’H arris for closeups) grants Sir Les three wishes . . . H e wishes silently and to himself. At that m om ent he wins the Opera House Lottery, a prem ier holden appears on the beach and suddenly a huge Woom era shaped hunk of Ayers Rock lands in the sea just off Ben Buckley. (T h e late Sir Robert M enzies.) Once more Les plunges into the surf cleaving to ­ wards the Rock, plow ing through the sewerage (A rchbishop G ough). He takes a belt out ties round rock, hand over hand they drag it in. Les and Matilda reunited once more. C ut to Wayside Chapel, Kings Cross. Les as M atilda a lovely bride — radiant — on their way to the Paddington R.S.L. in Lime green Prem ier H olden. They are am bushed just opposite the Rushcutter Bowl by the relatives of the late Viennese Reffo Lyrebird (relatives played by Zell Rabin, etc.) T hree weeks of bitter fighting. T h e feud is ended by the intervention of 7,000 U.S. troops led by L.J.B. (Sir Robert M enzies) backed by a bat­ talion of A ustralian troops draw n from the M etropolitan Leagues Club, the Bal­ m ain R.S.L., T he N ational T ru st and the Elizabethan T rust. Peace is restored. T he RefTos are bundled aboard the Fair-

sky and sent C.O .D . to H erd Island. C ut to Paddo T ow n H all, where the assembled cast, as w ith one voice, join together to sing “Advance Australia F air” and a Queensland Blue Cattle dog (Dolly D yer) recites “My C ountry”. D uring the festivities Sir Leslie and Lady T rench slip away to Surfers for their long delayed honeymoon. C ut to K ookaburra swallowing snake (consum m ation of the m arriage). Ripple dissolve to billabong — wattle falling. Petals form the words “A nd they lived happily ever after.” T H E END

Elizabeth She

taths to ____________

W

In December last year the Sydney pre-Christmas rush was enlivened by the revelations th a t the Speaker in the N.S.W. Legislative Assembly, M r. Ray Maher, was to be charged with indecent exposure. Later, at a magistrate's hearing, M r. Maher was committed to tria l and he is due to come before the Court at the end of this month. The central figure in these proceedings was Miss Elizabeth Shepherd, Parliamentary emanuensis (alias typiste), who alleged tha t her job at Parliament House terminated after she refused to accede to certain "indecent suggestions" made to her by the former Speaker. In this interview Miss Shepherd gives her impressions of Parliament House employment. Just for the record and those readers who don't believe anything they read in OZ: this is th e Miss Shepherd and a re al interview. How long were you working at Parliament House altogether? F o u r m o n th s a n d I w as so rry to h a v e to go. T h e g irls d o n ’t s ta r t w o rk th e r e u n til 10 a n d th e y fin ish u p a t 4.30 o r 4.45. T h e p a y is £ 2 4 a w eek to s ta rt w ith . T h e r e ’s n o sp ecial a w a rd o r ru le s a n d th e y even h a v e th e ir o w n sp e cial little sectio n in th e P u b lic S ervice A ssociation. W h a te v e r else I m ig h t th in k o f th e m , p o litic ia n s a re p r e tty g o o d em p lo y ers. W h e n m y f a th e r d ie d la s t y ear, h e fell ill on th e S u n d a y a n d d ie d o n th e fo llo w in g T u e sd a y . I asked fo r th e W ed n e sd a y off fo r h is fu n e ra l a n d th ey to ld m e I c o u ld ta k e th e re st of th e w eek off. T h e g irls h a v e a p e n s io n o f £ 1 7 a n d th e ir ow n p r iv a te liq u o r su p p ly . T h e y ’re n o t p a id o v e rtim e b u t th e sick leave is very good. A h a lf h o u r off fo r m o rn in g anil a f te rn o o n tea; o n e h o u r fo r lu n c h ; y o u r ow n in d iv id u a l office w ith a n e le c tric fa n , y o u r ow n r a d ia to r , lo ck er, c a r p e t a n d choice of e le c tric lig h t o r flu o rescen t. T h e y w ere in th e p ro cess o f c h a n g in g m y ro o m o v e r to flu o re sc e n t w h e n I le ft— I h o p e t h a t ’s w h a t

I to o k a str o ll in S y d n e y la tterly T o ch e ck a ch ic k ca lled L a d y C h a t te r ley B u t to m y e x tr e m e d isg u st I w itn e ss e d sig h ts o f u tte r lu st L ik e a flo c k o f tin y b la ck bird s A ll sc re a m in g o u t fo u r -le tte r w ords. I m u s t a d m it I c a n n o t be very s a n g u in e A b o u t th e m o ra ls o f th e a n g ry p a n g u in e . — D A V ID E R S K IN E

th e g irl w h o to o k m y p la c e likes. E ach g irl h a s f o u r m e m b e rs w h o m she w orks fo r. I w o rk ed m a in ly fo r M r. W ad d y a n d M r. D a lto n p lu s o th e rs w h e n som e of th e g irls w e re o n h o lid a y . E ach p a r l i a ­ m e n ta r ia n is a llo w e d a n h o u r 's d ic ta tio n p e r d ay . M r. D a lto n h a d a s ta n d a r d 12 o ’clock a p p o in tm e n t b u t M r. W a d d y w o u ld rin g th r o u g h a b o u t th r e e m in u te s b e fo re he w a n te d a n a p p o in tm e n t. T h e m a jo r p a r t o f th e w o rk is acc e p tin g o r n o t a c c e p tin g in v ita tio n s . Y o u g o t p re tty used to th e p a tte r n . I f a L ib e ra l m e m b e r h a d receiv ed a n in v ita tio n fro m th e H o u s in g M in is te r h e u su a lly re fu se d ; b u t if M r. A skin s e n t o n e h e ac c e p te d . A n d vice versa. 1 n o tic e d th a t th e L ib e ra l m e m b e rs d id n o t ac c e p t as re a d ily in v ita tio n s c o n c e rn in g A b o rig in a ls, b u t M r. D a lto n w as very stro n g o n A b o rig in e s a n d w o u ld re a lly go o u t ot h is w ay in t h a t re g a rd . O f co u rse, th e r e w as a lo t o f classconsciousness. T h e H o n . J a n e liloggs ol V au clu se h a d m o re ch a n c e o f h a v in g h e r in v ita tio n a c c e p te d th a n th e P re s id e n t ot th e lo cal P. & C. T h is a p p lie d as m u c h to th e L a b o u r m e m b e rs— in fact, m o re so, b ecause it w as su c h a n ew th in g fo r th e m . T h e a m o u n t o f m ail m e m b e rs g e t v aries c o n sid e ra b ly . S om e g e t lo ts o f m a il an d som e a re lu ck y if th ey g e t a le tte r a day . Il d e p e n d s v ery m u c h o n th e size o f th e e le c to r­ a te. B a n k sto w n is a b ig e le c to ra te w ith bad sew erag e a n d ro a d s a n d so o n — th e r e ’s a to n o f m a il. I t o fte n d e p e n d s a lo t o n I he councils. T o m o st o f th is k in d o f m ail th e re is a stock rep ly : Dear Madam, Your letter has been forwarded on to the Minister concerned and I will advise you on receipt of the M inister’s advice. W h e n th e M in is te r ’s ad v ice com es th ro u g h ,

02, M A V

7


A V A I L A B L E from all Sydney city bookshops except Angus & Robertson's. Interstate readers send 15/- to P O C K ET BOOKSHOP 98 Pitt Street, Sydney

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yo u m e re ly fo rw a rd i t w ith a c o m p lim e n ta ry n o te fro m th e m e m b e r. E v en p e o p le w h o m a k e a b s o lu te p ests of th em selv es n e v e r g e t a r u d e le tte r . A lot o f th e le tte r s h a v e to be se n t o n to th e M in is te r fo r E d u c a tio n . P a r tic u la rly a t th e b e g in n in g o f th e y e a r w h e n th e k id s are b e in g a llo c a te d to th e d iffe re n t schools a n d th e p a r e n ts h a v e d iffe re n t id eas to the D e p a r tm e n t o v er w h e re th e y s h o u ld be sent. What impression did you get of the parlia­ mentarians as people? T h e y ’re very u n p r e d ic ta b le : one day th e y 're n o t ta lk in g to so m eo n e a n d th e n e x t day th e y ’re o n v ery frie n d ly term s. M ost o l th e m a re in c re d ib ly c h ild ish a n d i t ’s h a r d to find o n e w ith a re a lly a d u lt a ttitu d e . T h e y g e t a g r e a t k ick o u t o f seeing th e ir n a m e s in p r i n t a n d a re alw ays te r rib ly b u sy se n d in g o u t co p ies o f th e ir sp eech es to th e m a in p ress a n d th e lo cal p a p e rs. M ost o f th e m a re try in g to p ro v e so m e­ th in g . A lo t o f th e m com e fro m very h a r d b a c k g ro u n d s— c e rta in ly 90% of th e L a b o u r m e m b e rs d o. W ith som e of th e m y o u do n o t h a v e o n ly to ty p e th e ir c o rre sp o n d e n c e , b u t com pose it. Y ou c o u ld give th e m a le tte r w ith b a d g r a m m a r a n d b a d sp e llin g a n d th e y w o u ld say, “ O h , b e a u tif u l”, a n d sign i t w ith o u t b lin k in g . Som e p o litic ia n s ta k e p a r lia m e n t as a jo k e a n d som e a re in it fo r w h a t th ey can g e t o u t o f it. F o r e x a m p le , every m o n th ea c h m e m b e i receives tw o sh e ets o f p o stag e sta m p s. If th ey a r e n ’t u se d a t th e e n d of th e m o n th th ey w o u ld go d o w n to th e G .P .O . to cash th e m . T h e y g e t th e ir liq u o r a t cost p ric e at th e p a r lia m e n ta ry b a r— th re e p in ts fo r th re e sh illin g s o r so m e th in g lik e th a t. I th in k th e b a r is o p e n as lo n g as p a r lia m e n t is sittin g . W h e n th e b e ll rin g s fo r a q u o r u m o r a vote it rin g s lo u d e s t in th e b a r. Y ou see m en sc u rry in g o u t of th e ir room s, b u t th e larg est g r o u p com es fro m th e b a r. A lth o u g h som e of th e m sh a re room s, th e y ’re a ll b e a u tif u lly f u rn is h e d a n d co u ld be le t o u t a t £ 8 a w eek easily. M ost ol th e m h av e a d iv a n in th e ir ro o m s a n d could a c tu a lly live on th e p rem ises. B u t o n ly th e S p eak er h a s a p r o p e r su ite . T h e r e ’s a b e a u tif u l te n n is c o u rt, b illia rd ro o m and a first-class r e s ta u r a n t w ith e x tre m e ly c h e a p p rices— 3 /9 , I th in k , fo r a th re e -c o u rs e m eal. T h e r e a re c h a n g in g r o o m s a n d show ers, o f co u rse. I t ’s ju s t lik e a club. I,veil th e g irls— if th ey w a n t a p a c k e t ol cig a re tte s— ju s t rin g u p a n d a ste w a rd b rin g s it u p o n a tray . T h e y also b r in g liq u o r b u t th e m e m b e rs a re n o to rio u s ly b a d tip p e rs a n d a re n o te d fo r th e ir m e a n n e ss in g e n e ra l. A ll th e M in iste rs h av e p a r lia m e n ta ry cars, o f co u rse— b e a u tif u l F o rd G alaxies. F u n n ily e n o u g h , all th e L a b o u r m em b e rs b e lo n g to a U n io n — th e A .W .U . o r M iscel­ la n e o u s W o rk e rs’ U n io n o r o n e of those. I t ’s ju s t so m e th in g th e y b eliev e in. How about the speech-writing? I h e y w rite th e ir o w n speeches a n d press sta te m e n ts , m a in ly . B u t th e g irls u su a lly h a v e to kno ck th e m in to sh a p e . P a rtic u la rly th e press s ta te m e n ts w h e re th e y u su a lly p u t t h e ir n a m e in tw en ty tim e s in tw e n ty lines. T h e m o re i m p o r ta n t speeches a re w ritte n by th e c a m p a ig n d ire c to rs a n d o th e r p e r ­ so n n e l a t th e P a rty h e a d q u a r te r s . T h e r e ’s n o t m u c h c o n ta c t b etw een th e p a r lia m e n ta ry staff a n d th e P a rty room s. H o w ev er, you u su a lly h a v e to h e lp w ith th e resea rch . O fte n , you h av e to do e v e ry th in g fo r them b u t blow th e ir noses. [s there any espionage? W ell, 1 d o n ' t th in k any of th e g irls give aw ay P a rty secrets p u rp o se ly . B u t th e y are so m e tim es ju g g lin g th in g s a r o u n d so m u c h to k eep th e m e m b e rs h a p p y t h a t th ey d o n 't realise th ey h a v e said s o m e th in g th ey s h o u ld ’t have. Y ou re a lly h a v e to sp o o n ­

feed th e m a lo t a n d i t ’s a d ifficu lt jo b tr y ­ in g to be h e lp f u l to m e m b e rs o f tw o o p p o s­ in g P a rtie s. Is there much camaraderie between the two Parties? N o , n o t re a lly . T h e r e is q u ite a lo t of ta lk in g b e h in d p e o p le ’s backs. T h e r e are p e rso n a l feu d s, ev en w ith in a P a rty . T h e r e a re cliq u es— y o u fin d th e e d u c a te d a n d th e u n e d u c a te d stic k in g to g e th e r. How do the press get their stories? T h e y h a v e som e k in d o f s e t-u p b u t n o b o d y know s h o w th e y g e t th e ir stu ff. W h e n I m a d e o u t m y s ta tu to r y d e c la ra tio n 4 gave a copy to A skin, R e n sh a w a n d th e C o m m is­ sio n e r o f P o lice. A w eek l a te r th e " M ir r o r ” h a d it p r in te d in th e ir p a p e r . A ll of th e m h a v e a sk e leto n in th e ir c u p ­ b o a rd . A lth o u g h th e y m ig h t k n o w w h o m a d e th e le a k th e y w o u ld be a f ra id to p u t th e ir finger o n h im fo r fe a r o f re ta lia tio n . What about individual members? W e ll, M r. D a lto n a n d M r. W a d d y w ere m y p e r m a n e n t m e m b e rs a n d th e y b o th w o rk ed p r e tty h a r d . D a lto n d i d n ’t go to school u n til h e w as 15 a n d h e c o u ld n ’t give a d a m n fo r an y o n e. I w o u ld go so f a r as to say h e w as th e o n ly h o n e s t m e m b e r in p a r lia m e n t a n d o n e o f th e m o st c o n ­ sc ien tio u s. M r. M a h o n ey w as also very co n scien tio u s: h e w o u ld go th r o u g h th e d e a th n o tices every m o rn in g a n d send o u t sy m p a th y le tte rs to h is electors. H e w as n e x t in lin e fo r th e S p e a k e rsh ip a n d h a d b e e n re a d in g u p th e little book o f ru le s fo r th re e years. W a d d y h a d a b a d n a m e a m o n g th e g irls because h e w as so d e m a n d in g a n d alw ays w a n te d h is m ail to go o u t o n th e sam e day. H e w as a G ro u p -C a p ta in a n d h a d n e v e r com e d o w n o u t of th e clo u d s. T h e L ib e ra l P a rty asked h im to w rite a little a r tic le on th e c a m p a ig n in som e c o u n try e le c to ra te ; h e re p lie d th a t h e w as so rry , h e w as too b usy, b u t c o u ld give th e m a sto ry o n h is Hy­ in g ex p erien ces. M r. H ills w a s n ’t te rrib ly p o p u la r b ecause h e h a d a n u n f o r tu n a te a ttitu d e . H e is so busy lo o k in g a f te r h is ow n in te re sts th a t he c a n ’t find tim e to jo in in w ith th e o th e rs. Any funny incidents? Y ou g e t a lo t o f n u ts rin g in g u p . O ne w o m an w o u ld n ’t speak to a n y o n e e x c e p t M r. W a d d y because h e h a d su ch a n ice face. A c h a p w h o h a d b een locked u p in a n asy lu m fo r 22 years cla im e d t h a t M r. S h e a h a n w as p ic k in g o n h im . O n e w o m a n ra n g u p w a n tin g ‘‘M r. ’I lls ” I d i d n ’t u n d e r s ta n d w h o m i t w as sh e w a n te d . So I asked “ W h o ?" " M r. ’Ills— y o u k n o w , th e ‘ig h w a y m a n .” W h ile I w as th e re th e y s ta rte d b u ild in g som e e la b o ra te la v a to ry e x te n sio n s. T h e re w as a te rrific d e la y in g e ttin g th e m c o m ­ p le te d w ith th e w o rk e rs s ta n d in g a ro u n d h a v in g sm okos a n d lo n g te a -b re a k s. W h e n th ey w ere fin ally c o m p le te d ev ery o n e was so te rrib ly p r o u d th a t I ask ed if th ey w ere fo r sittin g m e m b e rs only. T h e y w e r e n 't am u sed . T h e first tim e I m e t M r. M a h e r I im a g in e d th a t, as th e S p eak er, h e w o u ld h av e a big. b o o m in g voice. I n fact, h e h a s so m e th in g w ro n g w ith h is voice a n d i t ’s a b it h a r d to h e a r h im . M o re of a c ro a k e r th a n a sp eak er. H e is very h ig h in th e C a th o lic C h u rc h : h is sister is a M o th e r S u p e rio r a n d h e is a fo rm e r E d ito r o f “ T h e C a th o lic W eek ly ” . I ’m a C a th o lic to o a n d m y d a u g h te r is at th e sam e c o n v e n t school I w e n t to as a g irl. Any regrets about what you have done? I w o rry a b it a b o u t m y d a u g h te r . She once asked m e w h a t “ ille g itim a te ” m e a n t b u t I passed i t off, te llin g h e r she w as alw ays a sk in g silly q u e s tio n s a t th e w ro n g tim e. N o d o u b t she w ill ask m e a b o u t th e case a n d I w ill h a v e to a n sw e r h e r. B u t if you b elieve you h av e d o n e th e r ig h t th in g it takes a lo t to sto p you g o in g a h e a d a n d ta k in g it to its co n clu sio n .


Sex is m ore than a four-letter w ord. Pornography is m ore than a Playboy pin­ up or a postcard from P o rt Said. W h ile the prudes have been decoyed by hard­ core filth (in

some cases disguised

as

lite ratu re ), sex has crept in through the front door. N owadays, obscenity is your m other’s fashion magazine. Perversion is an advertisem ent in tonight’s paper.


Does she...or doesn’t

1

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She? It’s the new cool way with talc.1

AjAMAC Phallic symbolism in the American '’Glamour’ Narcissism plus a phallic pussy in the "English "Vanity Fair”

More phallic s\ in the English

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F1.AM ELESS EL EC TR IC C L O TH E S DRYING adds so much to the joy o f total electric living.

Paedophillia in "M cCalls

Homosexuality in the "Herald” Masturbation in En


Nymphet-mania in | American "Vogue’ ■f t " ' v

What a Hammond Organ will teach your child besides music

Someday soon you will have to decide w hether or not your boy or girl will play a m usical instrum ent. It’s a decision th at’s sure to leave its m ark no m atter which way you decide. Naturally, you’ve already given the subiect of music a pTear H*>al r*f

embolism "Vogue”

Lesbianism in A w o m a n 's m o s t im p o rta n t a c c e s s o ry ...h e r e scort His dinner suit by Lord West, makers of gentlemen's form al clothes. One hundred dollars at fine stores.

glish "Vogue”

Bestiality in "W o m an’s Dav’


The tasteless, maudlin advertising fo r the W inston Churchill Fund was crea ted by the Hansen R u ben soh n -M cC a n n E rickson agency. B e lo w is an authentic script l o r a television com m ercia l used in the campaign. “ C . M J m e a n s “ close-u p ” cam era shot; “ M .S .” i s “ m edium shot” .

CALTEX HOUSE, 157 KENT STREET, SYDNEY. TELEPHONE: 2 0554

H A N S E N R U B E N S O H N — MCCANN

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PTY. LIMITED

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WINSTON CHURCHILL MEMORIAL TRUST

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ALL MATERIAL FDR AIR MEDIA PROVIDE 3 FOR A LIVE CLOSING. SCRIPT CAREFULLY.

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HAYES GORDON MONOLOGUE FROM THE D lS C t "THE MAN". SIDE ONE. TRACK TWO

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KARSH PHOTOGRAFH

1.

T h i s man h a s f o u g h t h i s f i g h t

2.

MS CHURCHILL IN RUINS OF CHURCH

2.

He f o u g h t f o r God

3.

MS CHURCHILL HOLDING CHJTJ)1S HAND

3.

He f o u g h t f o r r i g h t

4.

CU CHURCHILL WITH CIGAR

4.

Now l a i d a s i d e a r e s t r e n g t h an d pow er

5.

LONG SHOT PARLIAMENT HOUSES

5.

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6.

DISSOLVE TO CU CHURCHILL

6.

H is f i n e s t h o u r

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CU BIG BEN

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Drum r o l l

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GRAPHIC OF DOBELL PICTURE OF HAND

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IN 'V* SIGN.

The Sydney Morning Herald,

R obin W illiam Askin T h e test a n d p r o o f o f th e m an cam e w h en M u rray R o b so n e n te re d in to a h e a d on co llisio n w ith L ib e ra l P a rty h e a d q u a rte rs o v e r th o q u estio n o f a jo in t p o lic y w ith th e C o u n try P a rty . A sk in c o u ld h a v e re m a in e d a lo o f. In ste a d , h e sto o d w ith R o b so n a ll th e w a y u n til R o b so n lo st th e le a d e rsh ip

DIB THIS v s r k M presents;

lAZOBLUESi 81YORK St 2nd F ir!

LETTERING:- "GIVE -

LIVE AKHOWCER: T h ere a re . . .

(V e r y s o f t , a u i e t )

d ays t o D f o r E c u a titn

SO THE WORLD WILL REMEMBER

D ay - F eb ru a ry 2 8 .

CHURCHILL".

w o r ld w i l l rem em ber C h u r o h i l l .

G iv e - 80 t h e


BEWARE! The AKs are Revolting! W e ’re the “ w ith it” generation. Do something outrageously non-conforming and

STANDARD

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you’ll soon set a trend. A ll the squares have turned hip. T h e A lfs have closed the gap. Look at them all packing into H a rry M iller’s Folk C oncerts, dressing at Dispo­ sal Stores, grinning at S trin e , giggling a t Bram ston. H ell, ju st last week some afflu en t snobs held a fancy dress “send-up” Anzac Day party at P ad­ dington. I t was an n o u n ced in the social pages. Everyone was there from drag-queen war-widows to Sim pson’s donkey. Even C harles Lloyd Jones has a dog called OZ. Soon this w hole g eneration will overtake Salvador Dali. So now the only way to preserve your indiv iduality — to be one step ahead — is to be one step behind. M aybe if you do som ething b latantly O L D H A T you’ll scare the squares away:

^

.

% / r

you’re In tern a tio n a l, go to N iagara. H ave your 21st at the M etropole, m ake a deb u t, go to a 5 0 /5 0 dance.

WHAT TO DO

WHAT ^ TO WEAR Com e on, o u t w ith those old galoshes and plastic raincoats. H ow ab o u t a p air of pleated, cuffed, bottle-green Stam ­ in a’s? C onvert your suit to a d ouble breaster, top it all off w ith a big dab of Brylcream .

E TO GO G o back to Fellowship, the gym nasium , the T iv ­ oli, the G laciarium . H ave y our H oneym oon at the H y d ro M ajestic, Jen o lan Caves or K atoom ba. If

M arry a virgin, enlist, idolise M artin Royal. B end the elbow w ith Clive C h u rch ill. Vic Patrick or Lew H oad. Bash a B ible, play L u do or Soli­ taire, listen to the A m ateur H o u r, jo in the Y oung Liberals. C ultivate plastic flowers, square dance, p u t your pennies back into circu lation and if you’re a m um use old fashioned b ar soaps. T ake the b u ll by the horns and b rin g back cliches. Use F rench Letters. Be p h otographed in the M irro r ‘U n d er 25’s’. Collect T om m y Dorsey and V ictor Silvester records, play them on a w ind-up H .M .V . 78 portable. R ead Earle Stanley G ard in er, M andrake and P hantom . Eat Lam ingtons, take De W itts root liver pills and p u t a jerry u n d e r your bed. G row sweet peas, dance the Fox T ro t, send a b u n d le to B ritain, take a slow boat to China. As a last resort, have a baby, becom e a St. J o h n A m bulance m an o r die of D iphtheria, Scarlet Fever, W hooping C ough or C onsum ption.


EX-EDITOR ATTACKS PRESS DIRECTOR REPLIES (W ith kind permission of “Newspaper News” .) Cigarette manufacturers had pres­ sured newspaper proprietors not to publish material about lung cancer, Mr. Maxwell Newton, former mana­ ging editor of “The Australian” told a Canberra audience recently. Speaking at St. Mark’s Memorial Library on censorship and propa­ ganda in the newspaper business, Mr. Newton made some hard-hitting points about newspapers generally which brought a reply in “The Aus­ tralian” by Mr. Douglas Brass, a director of News Ltd. M r. N e w to n ask ed th e q u e s tio n "D o a d ­ v e rtise rs ex ercise c o n tro l o v e r e d ito r ia l p o l­ icy?” a n d an sw e re d it b y saying: “W e ll, I ’ve h a d e x p e rie n c e s o f c ig a re tte m a n u f a c tu re rs rin g in g u p n e w s p a p e r p r o ­ p r ie to rs a n d a sk in g p r o p rie to r s n o t to p u b ­ lish m a te r ia l a b o u t lu n g c a n c e r o r n o t to p la y u p th e fact th a t th e B ritis h h a v e sto p p e d th e T V ad s u n ti l a f te r 7.30 p.m ., a n d it h a s b e e n d o n e . “ B u t c ig a re tte a d v e rtis in g is th e ex c e p ­ tio n . T h e r e a r e v ery few a d v e rtise rs w h o h a v e g o t th e in d iv id u a l p o w e r to le a n o n m a n a g e rs th a t c ig a re tte m a n u f a c tu re rs a n d liq u o r m a n u f a c tu re rs h a v e , so th e th o u g h t o f a b ig m a n u f a c tu r e r le a n in g o n th e m a n ­ ag e m e n t o f a b ig m e tr o p o lita n p a p e r in A u s tra lia is m o re th e e x c e p tio n r a t h e r th a n th e ru le , a lth o u g h it a p p lie s a lo t in th e c o u n try , u n f o rtu n a te ly .” S ta r tin g h is ad d ress, M r. N e w to n sa id th a t n e w s p a p e r p ro p rie to r s first h a d to fin d o u t w h a t so rt o f p a p e r th e y w a n te d to p u t o u t. M o st o f th e n e w s p a p e r p r o p rie to r s a n d m a n a g e rs h a d d e c id e d t h a t w h a t th ey w ere in te r e s te d in p u ttin g o u t w as a n efficient m e d iu m fo r a d v e rtisin g . “ A cco rd in g ly ,” h e said , “ th e so rt o f p a p e rs w h ic h a r e p ro d u c e d a re m o re o r less s h o p ­ p in g g u id e s w ith som e ite m s o f new s p u t a r o u n d th e a d v e rtise m e n ts. “T h e ‘M e lb o u rn e H e r a ld ’ is a sh o p p in g g u id e p a r excellen ce a n d M e lb o u rn e ’s ‘S un N e w s-P ic to ria l’ sells w ell on dogs, tre e s a n d fo o ty . T h e Sydney e v e n in g p a p e rs a re sim i­ l a r sh o p p in g g u id es. “As a d v e rtisin g is th e m a in th in g in th ese p a p e rs, th e p r in c ip a l p re o c c u p a tio n o f th e p e o p le in ch arg e o f th ese p a p e r s is to k e e p

th e i r re a d e rs h a p p y a n d n o t ro ck th e b o a t. T h e y succeed m a g n ific e n tly in d o in g th is " N e w s p a p e rs are r u n b y b u sin e ssm e n a n d th e y m u s t b e e x p e c te d to re fle c t th e eth ics a n d s ta n d a rd s o f th e A u s tra lia n bu sin e ss c o m m u n ity . T h is is w h a t, by a n d la rg e , th ey do. “ P e o p le fo rg e t th a t e d ito rs h a v e very little to d o w ith p r o d u c in g m o st n e w sp a p e rs in A u s tra lia , a lth o u g h th e r e a r e a few n o ta b le e x c e p tio n s t h a t o n e ca n t h in k of. “ ‘T h e C a n b e rr a T im e s ’ is o n e , to som e e x te n t ‘T h e A u s tr a lia n ’, a n d to som e e x te n t ‘T h e A u s tra lia n F in a n c ia l R e v ie w '. O n m o st o f th e o th e r p a p e rs th e e d i to r ’s c h a ra c te r h a r d ly h a s an y effect o n w h a t th e p a p e r is lik e. "N e w s p a p e rs re fle c t th e sta n d a rd s o f th e b u sin e ss c o m m u n ity . “A cco rd in g ly , a n y th in g w h ic h w o u ld h in ­ d e r m a k in g m o n ey h a s a r o u g h tim e in A u s tra lia n n e w sp a p e rs, a n d a n y th in g w h ich d is tu r b s th e calm o f th e A u s tra lia n bu sin e ss c o m m u n ity does n o t g e t in to th e p a p e rs." M r. N e w to n (fo rm e r e d ito r o f “ T h e A us­ tr a lia n F in a n c ia l R e v ie w ”) gave a n e x a m p le o f h o w m a n a g e ria l c o n tro l affected th e n e w s p a p e rs c o n tro lle d by “ T h e Sydney M o rn in g H e r a ld ” g ro u p . " T h e g e n e ra l m a n a g e r a n d th e m a n a g in g d ir e c to r in th a t c o m p a n y h a v e c o n tro l o v er th e e d ito ria l policy o f th e n e w sp a p e rs in th a t g ro u p . “T h e s e m a n a g e rs d o n ’t go a r o u n d g iv in g o rd e rs to in d iv id u a l jo u r n a lis ts o r in d iv id u a l ed ito rs. T h e w ay it w o rk s in ‘T h e Sydney M o rn in g H e r a ld ’ g r o u p is th a t th e e d ito r o f ‘T h e Sydney M o rn in g H e r a l d ’ p u b lish e s e d ito ria ls w h ic h a re th e n re a d by all th e em ployees o f th e c o m p a n y . T h e y d e d u c e h o w to h a n d le th e e d ito ria l p olicy o f th e ir ow n p u b lic a tio n s a n d th e new s e d ito rs k now ho w to h a n d le th e news. “F o r e x a m p le , d u r in g th e b r ie f p e rio d w h e n ‘T h e Sydney M o rn in g H e r a ld ’ w as s u p ­ p o r tin g th e L a b o r P a r ty in 1961, th e new s e d ito r o f ‘T h e Sydney M o rn in g H e r a ld ’ k n e w th a t h e w o u ld h a v e g re a t fre e d o m in p la y in g u p s ta te m e n ts by A r th u r C alw ell, w h e re a s if h e tr ie d to ex ercise t h a t free d o m in th e sa m e w ay to d a y h e w o u ld g e t in to tro u b le . " H e w o u ld n ’t b e h a u le d u p a n d to ld th a t h e h a d d iso b e y ed e d ito r ia l policy. “ H e w o u ld b e to ld th a t h e h a d n o new s ju d g m e n t — th a t h e w as a lousy jo u r n a lis t. “ M ost e d ito rs su b sc rib e to th e view th a t it is th e b o ss’s p a p e r a n d h e is e n title d to w h a t h e w a n ts w ith it. " T h is is th e p re v a ilin g r a tio n a lis a tio n by w eak a n d cow ard ly n e w s p a p e r e d ito rs in

A u s tra lia ,, a n d by a n d la rg e it is th e d o m in ­ a n t r a tio n a lis a tio n . “ U n less e d ito rs a re p r e p a r e d to ta k e la rg e in d iv id u a l risks, th e r e is n o c h a n c e f o r th e jo u r n a lis ts w o rk in g f o r th e m b e in g g iv en th e c h a n c e to show t h e i r p a c e s.” M r. N e w to n ’s re m a rk s ' w e re a n sw e re d in th e A p ril 2 issue o f " T h e A u s tr a lia n ” by M r. D o u g las B rass, a d ir e c to r o f th e p a r e n t c o m p a n y o f “ T h e A u s tr a lia n ” , N ew s L td . “ M r. N e w to n n a m e s th e M e lb o u rn e ‘H e r ­ a ld ’ a n d th e M e lb o u rn e ‘S u n ’ as e x a m p le s of n e w s p a p e rs w h ic h a re r u n b y b u sin e ssm e n d e s iro u s o n ly o f p r o d u c in g a n efficien t m e ­ d iu m f o r a d v e rtisin g . “ T h e ‘H e r a l d ’ h a s b e e n r u n th ese la s t 30 y ears o r so n o t b y b u sin e ssm e n , b u t by jo u r n a lis ts , p ro fe s sio n a l m e n w h o h a v e b e e n d e v o te d to th e elu siv e id e a l o f tu r n in g o u t a n e w s p a p e r o f w h ic h th e c o m m u n ity c o u ld be p ro u d . “T h e c r e a to r o f th e H e r a ld in its p re s e n t fo rm w as S ir K e ith M u rd o c h , w h o b eliev ed in n e w sp a p e rs so p a s sio n a te ly t h a t r ig h t to th e e n d o f a n a c tio n -p a c k e d c a re e r w h ic h b r o u g h t h im g re a t re w a rd s a n d d is tin c tio n s , h is g re a te s t p r id e w as in d e s c rib in g h im se lf as a jo u r n a lis t. H e w as fo llo w ed b y o n e o f h is o w n e d ito rs, S ir J o h n W illia m s, w h o lives n e w sp a p e rs ju s t as assid u o u sly a n d w h o h as re c e n tly sh o w n h im s e lf to b e m o re o f a p a t r i o t th a n a b u sin e ssm a n b y in v e stin g £700,000 o f h is c o m p a n y ’s fu n d s in th e P ress o f in se c u re N ew G u in e a . " I n th e seco n d p la c e , th e ‘H e r a l d ’ a n d its sta b le m a te m u s t b e a c k n o w led g e d by an y fa ir-m in d e d p e rso n to h a v e ach ie v e d t h e ir success la rg e ly b y b u ild in g a d is tin g u is h e d sta ff o f w rite rs a n d te c h n ic ia n s a n d b y e x ­ te n d in g t h e i r n ew s services a r o u n d th e g lo b e w ith a m o st u n m ise rly d is re g a rd f o r costs. T h e y h av e, in sh o rt, b u i l t th em se lv e s o n service to th e p u b lic . “ W e n e e d n ’t e x c lu d e ‘T h e S ydney M o rn ­ in g H e r a l d ’, also c ritic is e d b y M r. N e w to n f o r its d o m in a tio n b y m a n a g e m e n t, fro m th is r o u g h d efe n c e . T h e m a n w h o r a n i t fo r so lo n g , M r. R . A. G . H e n d e rs o n , w as a jo u r n a lis t. So is th e p re s e n t m a n a g in g d ire c to r, M r. A n g u s M c L a c h la n . A n d G r a n ­ n y ’s office in L o n d o n , fo r e x a m p le , is p r o b ­ ab ly th e b ig g est in te r n a tio n a l b u r e a u in th e c a p ita l. " T h e r e a re m a n y th in g s in th e ‘H e r a l d ’ th a t o n e c o u ld critic is e le g itim a te ly , n o t least th e ir illib e ra l arfd tim id sq u e a k s o f policy. B u t to b ase o n e ’s a tta c k o n th e ir e n v ia b le a d v e rtis in g re v e n u e , a n d to ig n o re th e ir new s s tr e n g th s a n d o ccasio n al g lim p ses o f staff in d e p e n d e n c e , is n o t v ery p ro fita b le in to d a y ’s c o m p e titiv e w o rld .”

Stave off scurvy and rickets. . .

3 J e r s e y R o a d , W o o lla h r a O p p . P a d d o P o lic e S ta tio n P hone 32 4815 fo r r e s e r v a tio n s & g r o g o r d e r s .


He declined to say what he considered his main con­ tribution to Australian life. “ Y o u w ill read that in m y obituary,” he said.

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I t w as b a re ly th r e e a n d a h a lf years ago t h a t A u s tra lia w as first g iven a ch a n c e to k n o w a n d love L o rd D e L ’lsle. I t m a y be th o u g h t t h a t th is w as too s h o r t a tim e to le a rn to love su c h a m a n a n d in d e e d th u s it p ro v e d to be. B u t is it a G o v ern o rG e n e r a l’s fu n c tio n to b e lik e d a n d resp ec te d by th o se h e fo rm a lly rules? A p p a r e n tly L o rd D e L 'ls le th o u g h t n o t— h e saw h is ro le as b e in g m o re t h a t o f a ro le-p lay er. H o w ev er, w h e n v is itin g th e tr o u b le spots o f A u s tra lia su ch as th e O rd R iv e r p ro je c t, P a p u a -N e w G u in e a a n d C a n b e rra , h is p r e ­ sence lo w ered th e te m p e r a tu re o f d e b a te several d egrees. In fa c t, h e w as coolly re ­ ceived alm o st everyw here. B u t h is lin k s w ith p o litic s m ay b e d e ­ sc rib e d as close. L o rd D e L ’lsle h a s alw ays b e e n asso ciated w ith th e m o st d e m o c ra tic p a r lia m e n ta ry assem bly in t h e w o rld . I re fe r, o f co u rse, to th e E n g lish H o u s e o f L ords. M e m b e rs o f th is h o u se a re selected by p u r e h e r e d ita ry ch a n c e a n d th e re a re no ugly b a rrie rs such as in te lle c t o r ab ility . Since 1945 th e n u m b e rs o f th e E n g lish aristo c ra c y liv in g in lu x u r io u s re d u n d a n c y h av e g re a tly d im in is h e d . L o rd D e L ’lsle w as alw ays c a re fu l to d isassociate h im se lf fro m th is class— by h is w ords. H is a c tio n s speak

fo r th e m se lv e s. H e e n te r e d th e ru th le ss h u rly -b u rly o f E n g lish co m m erce in 1955 as M a n a g in g D ire c to r o f S ch w ep p es (H o m e) L td . a n d la te r assu m ed m a n y m o re o n e ro u s d ire c to rs h ip s. I t w as a b i t t e r b lo w to B ritish e n te r p ris e w h e n h e r e lin q u is h e d a ll co m ­ m itm e n ts to com e to A u s tra lia in 1961. M any o b se rv ers h a v e s p e c u la te d o n h is reaso n s fo r a b a n d o n in g su ch a d is tin g u is h ­ e d c a re e r a n d o n th e effe ct h is d ecisio n h a d o n th e c o m p a n ie s w hose fo rtu n e s h e a p p e a r ­ e d to d ire c t. A lth o u g h th is fifte e n th G o v e rn o r G e n e ra l d e sc rib e d h im se lf as a " c o n s titu tio n a l sym ­ b o l,” th e re a re o th e r view s. Som e h a v e b e e n s ta te d by th o se m e n w hose a n im o sity h e in ­ c u rre d by h is fra n k ly c h a lle n g in g p r o ­ n o u n c e m e n ts o n A u s tr a lia ’s in te r n a l a ffa irs a n d ro le in A sia. R e g re tta b ly , m a n y o f th ese co m m e n ts h a v e re m a in e d u n re c o rd e d a n d u n r e p o rte d . I t is d ifficu lt to k n o w w h a t w as h is m a in c o n tr ib u tio n to A u s tra lia n life. C e rta in ly n o t h is N ew Y e a r m essages, sp eech es a t u n ­ veilings, effect o n th e p o litic a l c lim a te n o r his re s h a p in g o f th e b o n d s b etw een C o m ­ m o n w e a lth c o u n trie s. H is a rriv a l w as n o t q u ite " p r e g n a n t w ith sy g n ifik a n c e ” (as his a n c e s to r, p o e t P h ilip S id n ey (1554-1586) m ig h t h a v e w ritte n ) a n d it is n o t easy to p ick o u t a single m a jo r c o n tr ib u tio n in h is te rm o f office. P e r h a p s it w as h is d e p a r tu re . — D .L.


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THE POSTER EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE IN THEIR PAD I saw it a n d I w a n te d it. I t ’s re a lly n o t a n O zism . T h is p o s te r w as a c tu a lly p r in te d in 4 co lo u rs a n d d isp la y e d th r o u g h o u t arm y cam p s in A u s tra lia d u r i n g W o rld W a r II. W h e n I sto le th is o n e in 1957, it w as “ g ra c in g ” th e w all o f h e a d q u a r te r s at O ld H o lsw o rth y C a m p . E ven th e n th e r e

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w ere co p ies o t it still d e c o ra tin g th e b a r racks w alls o f ca m p s th r o u g h o u t N .S.W . F o r its c la rity o f m essage a n d d o w n rig h t realism . I d o n ’t t h in k i t h a s ev e r b e e n s u r ­ passed. T h e m e a n in g o f th e “ fifth c o lu m n " co m m e n t a t th e b ase c o m p le te ly e lu d e s m e — th e r e is n o w av to ju s tif y its c h a lle n g e .

END

O n e can o n ly im a g in e w h a t w e n t o n in th e m e e tin g s o f m in o r b u r e a u c r a ts as th ey d e c id e d th a t it s h o u ld b e used . P e rh a p s it w on a lo n g -fo rg o tte n p o s te r c o m p e titio n . W h o know s?

A. HANKIN, B o n d i.

O F Q 5CAR^ THE O U P E R X Y

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WHAT ABOUT THIS 5th. COLUMN?


Who reads 0 1? 25,000 people w ill buy this issue. M any more w ill read it. W ho are you? W hat are you? W e're pianning to boost the size of OZ. But we'll need more adver­ tising, and advertisers are snoopy. They want to know what sort of people are going to read their ads. Answer these questions and you'll help us bring you a fatter, prettier OZ. Where do you live?.........

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W h at could b e m o re p a in fu l than the sight o f a d o u b le -b re a ste r that lo o k s lik e a b o ile r suit, w e a rs lik e K le e n e x and fe e ls lik e steel w ool? I t ’s w o rse than losing an English G o v e rn o r-G e n e ra l o r even an election! A t any rate , that’s w h at K e n M o rriso n thinks. H e ’s firs t past the post with lib e r a l p rices and in fo rm a l stylin g in suits that r e a lly sw ing a ll the w a y fro m R igh t to Left. A n d fo llo w in g T o g g e ry ’s policy of ‘a choice, not an echo’, he now has a r a n g e of (p re -se le c te d suits at on ly o r about tw ice as m any d o lla rs. Go to B J ’s, W a lto n ’s and P a lm e r ’s f o r a lf Stam inas at the sam e p ric e if you lik e but the electo rate is just distributing itself o v e r this g e a r — T o g g e ry g e a r. So stop bein g n um bered w ith e v e ry squ are, m ak e it to T o g g e ry . B rin g Bob.

KEN M O R R ISO N 'S

flla fle

S o n e ra

336 new south head road, double bay — 36-4418


T ra v e l

w is e p o u n d fo o lish

Every year, at about this time, there is the Exodus. Dozens of fresh faced, sun­ tanned, happy happy happy Australians till their pockets with money and gum leaves, pick up the odd stuffed koala to swap for a stuffed camel at Port Said, and clear out, ready for the joys o f an English spring. Then they arrive at Southhampton, and need help. Here it is. D o not arrive in bare feet. The Australian image in England is certainly disreputable: beards, jeans, sweatshirts, and old armpits are okay, but for some reason the thin red line is drawn at the ankle. Apart from anything else, bare feet tend to freeze off, and are hard to carry around unattached. The same applies to other parts of the anatomy. Do not go to Australia House. N o matter how imposing it looks from the outside, remember your dealings with Australian Government departments at home. It’s like that only worse. Australia House is there to lure Englishmen to Australia, and it is hard to prevent yourself uttering mordant and bitter chuckles as you read what they are promised. The good thing about Aus­ tralia House is that it’s a free place to get warm — but then, so is the National Gal­ lery. D o not attempt to imitate the English. It’s so much harder than it looks, unless you’re strangely built around the nose and mouth. The words “Kyuh” and “Soiy” are ail you really need, but they are very diffi­ cult. Easier is the Australian image; be aggressive, and tell prospective employers to get stuffed. “Ah, these Australians,” they will murmur, and invite you out to lunch. Accept, and insist on raw steak. Then in­ suit the beer and the country, and you may get the job. There are Australians in Lon­ don whose entire success can be traced to the way they told their first boss to piss

Take advantage of the Welfare State by being sick a lot. All foreigners in London are always sick, and are given free medical certificates at the drop of five shillings. Go to hospital; get a set o f false teeth. Go on the dole, whether working or not. Take two jobs, and be sick half the time from each o f them. Never pay income tax. Remember you can’t leave. The emigra­ tion trick no longer applies, and it costs about twice as much to get back. On an English wage, Paris is at least as far as Heard Island. Write letters to the “Syd­ ney Morning Herald” explaining what mar­ vellous opportunities you’re getting, and what a pity it was that Australia didn’t recognise what a huge thing they had in you. They might even pay you to come back. Take the money and don’t. D on’t get homesick. Or if you do, take a trip to Earls Court. Or Cornwall, where they go to crack the boomers. Or to Aus­ tralia House. Or-to the Surrey, a pub which sells Australian beer to Australians and does very nicely, thank you. Or to the Down Under Club, o f a Friday night. Or take a look at the new arrivals getting off the boat train. If you kick them, don’t arrive in bare feet.

ton. If you must refer to it as Earls Court, smile when you say it. Do not pay your bills. It’s one of those things a gentleman doesn't do, and, al­ though you’re not a gentleman, there’s no reason not to try. Selfridges is a splendid institution, offering unlimited charge ac­ counts for little (indeed no) return. When they get frantic (about once a year) ex­ plain that you are Australian, and they will write you off as a bad debt. Use an English bank. English banks exist on the interest they receive from over­ drafts, and are perfectly willing to give you a second overdraft so you can pay off the interest on the first one. When they jack up, go to another bank and open an­ other account.

No wonder Alexander, W ent on back to the Aegean— There's a neon every epoch, And a treetop every aeon. A nd lots o f cheap petroleum, And carpets like linoleum, And seven hours of sunshine. And a m illion years o f sand. Though it's cheap enough on paper. Just make sure you've got your booking, Or you'll spend a bloody fortune, In avoiding Persian cooking. Keep enough fo r bare essentials, Like policeman and officials, W ho w ill make you buy your freedom, When you want to leave Iran. — M .M . BOB CO RRO BO REE W e lik e h im w ith h is clo th es o ff ; m d o ch re o n h is d ia l, P ic tu re s q u e as b lo o d y h ell, A real b a ll o f s t y l e ---I t d o e s n 't h u r t th e n to a d m it T h a t h e e x ists, y o u see, B eca u se w e’v e g o t h im n ic ely ta b b e d A s “B o b C o rro b o ree”. Yes, B o b C o rro b o ree’s a m u st I f e v er y o u ’re o u tb a c k , J u s t th e th in g in K o d a c h ro m e ., A T e c k n ic o lo u r b la ck W h o k n o w s h is p r o p e r p la ce is O n a travel-agency a d , T o g e t th o se city p e o p le B o o k in g to u rs lik e m a d .

off.

Talk about Australia. In particular, ex­ aggerate its virtues enormously to your superiors. (After a few months in London, this becomes ail too easy.) Dwell on how much sun there is, how easy it is for the right man to get ahead, and how easy the women are. Your superiors will sigh, and give you more money. In extreme cases they will even leave, and you can take over. Sack anyone who tells you to get stuffed. It’s time to improve your image. Do not live in Earls Court (or “Kan­ garoo Valley,” as it is affectionately known to the English). This gives you both status and individuality among your English ac­ quaintances (you haven’t any friends) and also saves you money. If you must live in Earls Court, refer to it as West Kensing­

FROM A PERSIAN MARKET Travelling in Persia, In the tracks of M arco Polo, Every solo overlander, Carries sacks of Coca-Cola; W ith a skin as dry as leather, In the bright brass-monkey weather, If you can't fin d an oasis. Y ou'll be living out o f cans.

Y o u can h a v e y o u r concert-singers, Y o u r B e tty F ishers, to o — R e g S a u n d e r s a n d D o u g N ic h o ls M a y be a ll r ig h t w ith y o u , B u t th o se w h o k n o w w ill te ll y o u T h e a b o ’s r ig h tfu l p la ce Is ju s t a h a lf-a -m ile o r so O u tsid e th e h u m a n race . . . — B R U C E DA W E. SYDNEY: The Rev. Bernard Judd, wellknown authority on teenage morality, has told his congregation that the principal cause of teenage moral laxity is fathers going out to work. Statistics show beyond any shadow of doubt, ’ he said, “that the great majority o f teenage crime is committed by youths whose fathers go out to work.” Since then conscientious fathers all over the country have responded to his appeal and courageously downed tools in a dra­ matic bid to save their youngsters. “The Reverend is right, and I don’t care if I never work again,” a father of five told reporters as he waited for a poker machine to become vacant at the South Sydney Leagues Club. — Caroline Hawkins.

[ Help me retire to Costa Brava by 1966. . .

3 J e r s e y R o a d , W o o lla h ra T e le p h o n e 3 2 4 8 1 5


“ Two can eat for the price of one

binkie’s drive-in restaurant 210 elizabeth s t , opp. the tivoli open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week 20 O Z, M ay

PRINTED

BY A M A LG A M A TE D

OFFSET PTY.

LTD.— CHIPPENDALE

•»

OZ magazine, Sydney, no.19  
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