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we desire to know just how much we are motivated by lust, we can deny ourselves sexual pleasures. But if we want to know the depth of our longing for the admiration of people, we would be insane to renounce acting kindly toward them or stop leading them with excellence. Respect and admiration often come naturally with doing good things toward others, so the ambition for others to think fondly of us or to admire us is a most insidious temptation. In Confessions, Augustine did not know for sure what was driving his ambitions, so he cried out to God, “You know how my heart groans to You over this, and how my eyes stream with tears; for there is a dangerous infection here, and how far I am clear of it is not easy for me to discern. I am sorely afraid about my hidden sins, which are plain to Your eyes but not to mine.”18 Obviously, Augustine was very honest and realistic when it came to the motivations of his heart. Much of the time, he wasn’t sure what drove his ambition and he was convinced that his reasons for doing public good deeds were often impure. He regularly had multiple reasons for his actions, some good and some bad. James K. A. Smith puts it well: “If you ask him, ‘Are you doing this for God or for your own vanity?’ Augustine’s answer is an honest, ‘Yes.’”19 If we are honest with ourselves, our answer is often “Yes” as well. Reflection: Is our fear of leading for the wrong reasons keeping us from using the gifts God has given to us? How might we keep a check on what is driving our ambitions? What part might prayer and confession play in purifying our ambitions? Back to the job interview. Thirty minutes into the interview, you are very pleased with the way things have gone so far. At this point, your interviewer leans forward asking you plainly, “Do you consider yourself ambitious?” Recalling Augustine’s honest journey through both the negative and positive aspects of ambition, you respond with a convincingly authentic: “I must confess ...”
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Revisions 1.6.1
The ideas for this article were generated out of James K. A. Smith’s chapter, “Ambition: How to Aspire” in his highly recommended book, On the Road with Saint Augustine: A Real-World Spirituality for Restless Hearts (Grand Rapids: Brazos Press, 2019). Any shortcomings in this article are my own. 2
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The Confessions, 4.1.1
Peter Brown, Augustine of Hippo: A Biography (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1967), 58. 9
10
The Confessions, 6.6.9
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The Confessions, 6.6.9
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The Confessions, 6.6.9
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The Confessions, 6.19
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The Confessions, 8.6.15
3
The Confessions, 1.12.19
15
4
The Confessions, 2.2.4
The Confessions, 8.6.15
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5
The Confessions, 2.3.5
The Confessions, 1.12.19
17
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The Confessions, 3.4.7
The Confessions, 2.2.4
18
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The Confessions, 3.4.7
The Confessions, 10.37.60
19
Smith, 91.