Epitome of success

epitome BUSINESS | MONEY | HEALTH | RELATIONSHIPS FALL 2013 | DRHEAVENLY.com

5 Ways

You’re Probably Throwing Money Away

dr. heavenly GIVES HER PrescriptioN FOR SUCCESS

the KING

AND HIS QUEEN POWER COUPLE RYAN and KEISHA CAMERON FAMILY, FOUNDATION AND INSPIRATION

A conversation with

married to

medicine

mariah huq

Survive Infidelity How To Avoid 3 Mistakes Most Women Make

of success

epitome of success

EPITOME OF SUCCESS | FALL 2013

PUBLISHER Regatta Music Publishing, LLC FOUNDER Dr.Heavenly Kimes hkimes1032@aol.com EDITOR IN CHIEF Jerrod Johnson jjohnson@lenoxandparker.com CREATIVE EDITOR Victor Flavius vflavius@lenoxandparker.com CHIEF OPERATIONS OFFICER Melodye Johnson mjohnson@lenoxandparker.com

EDITORIAL lenoxandparker@gmail.com Editorial Director | L+P GENERAL COUNSEL office@colomandbrantlaw.com Attorney Charles T. Brant

Regatta Music Publishing, LLC Epitome of Success is published quarterly by Regatta Music Publishing, LLC. Reproduction or use of the contents of this magazine in whole or in part without the written permission of the publisher is prohibited. Epitome of Success is a registered tradmark of Regatta Music Publishing, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Regatta Music Publishing, LLC assumes no liability for the return of any unsolicited materials and may use them at its discretion. www.epitomeofsuccessmag.com FACEBOOK | www.facebook.com/drheavenly TWITTER | www.twitter.com/drheavenly

EPITOME OF SUCCESS | FROM THE FOUNDER

God has given us everything we need to realize our full potential!

At Dr Heavenly University we will teach you different aspects of Business, Life Balance, Heath and Fitness, give Relationship Advice and so much more!

We want you to be well rounded in every aspect of your life!

I am committed to help others live their best life possible!

You see, if you don’t do what your true passion is. You will never feel the happiness and since of peace the Universe has in store for us, all of us !

“There are only two options regarding commitment. You’re either in or out. There’s no such thing as a life in-between.”

Pat Riley, basketball coach My First “ Business Prescription” Is to develop a vision. ...A plan to success ....Really dig deep to determine what your passion is (use my book Dr Heavenly’s Business Prescriptions to assist you). You must write it down. Be very clear and concise on what you want your life to be.

Did you know that the greatest challenge you will ever face in life is fear? A lot of times it is not the fear of failure., But the fear of success.

The next step is to Meditate on it. create a vision board.

And visit your goals daily.

Don’t Just read them .... Say them out loud as though it already has happened., for example ...

“Making Money is Easy”

You see it’s usually a 80:20 rule that applies to most things. 80 percent of the population will never rise the the success that is available to everyone. Only that 20 percent will ever reach their true potential. And what a travesty it is Such a waste!

“ I am the epitome of true Fitness and optimal Health”

Fear is, and always has been, the greatest enemy of mankind. I believe it was Franklin D. Roosevelt that said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself,” Fearing the unknown, causes us stress, and prevents us from rising to “The Heavenly Class” we all desire.

Say it like you mean it!...

Look, everyone has their own insecurities, it is up to us to develop our own self-confidence, and turn our backs to nay sayer and people who ridicule us.

Don’t wait weeks ,months, or years to start. DO SOMETHING TODAY. And everyday. To get you closer to your goals. Remember There is an Urgency. To Manifest your Destiny!!!

The great thing is it has been proven that we can reprogram our minds by exposing ourselves to top thinkers and like minded people... I always say if you want to think like the best leaders.

Only hang around the best. When you do this successfully a whole new world of possibilities opens up for you. How exciting!

“ I am the Greatest” Be very specific .. “ I am so very happy I make 5 million dollars a year , every year”

Once you’ve done that (and only then) are you ready to utilize. The Steps in Dr Heavenly’s Business Prescriptions workbook More important. Than finding your passion and creating a vision and statements to say daily, is to. Put. You plan in action!

You CAN have it ALL!!!!

For more information. Please visit my website. www.DrHeavenly.com or to ask me a question live please go to www.AskDrHeavenly.com See you at the Top! Dr Heavenly

TABLE OF CONTENTS www.EPITOME.com | SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2013

BUSINESS

MONEY

RELATIONSHIPS

07 SERVICE

26 PERSONAL FINANCE

38 INNERSELF

Why is it important for you to hire the credit repair services for your company?

How To Handle Money Matters In Marriage

Positive Thinking And Its Effect On Your Health

09 MONEY

28 MANAGEMENT

40 COMMUNICATION

5 Ways You’re Probably Throwing Money Away

How To Save Your Relationship

30 MONEY MANAGEMENT

Your Words Define You More Than Your Actions

SBA Business Loan and Criteria To Obtain SBA Loans

11 STRATEGIC PLANNING Seeing the Future How To Design a Business Vision

13 FOCUS

Getting Started Managing Your Money

32 ADVICE

Four Keys to a Successful Project

Better Money Management in 5 Steps

15 SUCCESS

34 CAREER

Dr. Heavenly Gives Her

Prescription for Success

Find What You Like and Take the Work Out of Work!

17 TRAVEL

36 REALITY

Sophisticated City Living without Air Pollution

19 FUTURE Purpose & Plan Year-End Review

22 COVER FEATURE The King and His Queen: Power Couple Ryan & Keisha Cameron-Family, Foundation and Inspiration

A Conversation with Married to Medicine Mariah Huq

43 BODY LANGUAGE

44 INSPIRATION Not Your Average Marriage

46 LOVE How to Communicate In Your Marriage

50 MIND Looking for Love

54 FOOD Up The Heat With Flavor and Flare

58 HEALING Survive Infidelity

64 SKIN CARE 5 Simple Summer Skincare Tips

BUSINESS | SERVICE

6 | EpiTOME of success

Why is it important for you to hire a credit repair service for your company?

by Raul Mesta | Photo Credit FOTER You should not confuse the credit repair services with the counseling services for your credit reports. To be honest, the counseling service can hurt the credit score of your business as well. Credit repair is to help you get better with the credit score.

It is very important that you don’t get confused between the two different techniques.

Credit restoration services are new to our financial world and since there are so many scam services in the market, people seemingly hesitate to seek out their options to aid them with their financial situations. The newer laws are proving hard for businesses not abiding by the law, and are also disturbing the credit score for such businesses. However, if you are aware of the techniques to improve your score, you can do great things for the financials of your company.

Credit repair services are subjectto the legal guidelines issued by the Credit Repair Organizations Act, an act that is designed to protect the customers. There are some rights for you designed in your interest, and most companies will offer you a briefing about it before you sign any kind of contract. It is important that you read the terms and conditions first, you can also check them online before calling the companies for credit repair. You can shortlist some companies based on this and you can get the record for a particular company with the help of BBB (Better Business Bureau).

However, in some cases, the BBB may be inaccurate and give lessthan-stellar ratings on such organizations.

Restoring the score is very important for your financials and it helps you with many things. Imagine a situation when you need a home loan and the bank refuses it – this can be a result of bad credit history. Not paying the credit card bills can be one of the few reasons that may lead to the refusal of the loans. You need good credit score for home loans. The credit restoring companies take legal actions to improve the score in a quick manner with many techniques to assist you in reaching a strong credit position.

Overdue credit card bills and bad money spending habits leads to bad credit history and you need to get rid of such history to restore your score to a strong condition. Once you restore the score you can enjoy your financials becoming more credible, and you can get the credit score for home loans. It is important that you take your financial decisions while keeping the credit score in mind.

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BUSINESS | MONEY

SBA Business Loan and Criteria To Obtain SBA Loans

by Jassica Thomson | Photo Credit Brandon Christopher Warren While you try to obtain an on SBA business loan there are certain requirements that need to be fulfilled. Let us have a look at them below: The first requirement is to provide a detailed profile of the business that you are currently running. This will include detailing of the business type that you are running. You will also need to provide the time limit from when you are running this business. Also, any information regarding the overall sales, profit and loss reports will also need to be discussed. Finally, the total number of people working under you needs to be mentioned along with the area of location of the venture. Apart from providing this information, you will also be asked to provide all the business operation related news.

The next requirement is the process to select the correct SBA loan that will best meet your purpose. You will need to discuss the amount you feel is necessary for your venture and then specifying the detailed information about how you will use these funds for your business. One thing should be kept in

mind: Always read carefully all the schemes and plans available before applying. You need to ensure that you are choosing the best scheme to meet your needs and requirements. Unless you undergo the correct selection and application procedure, you will find that you have achieved nothing as your application will be ruled out.

The next step of the application process is extremely crucial. It is related with all the financial statements regarding your business venture status. However, this scenario is common to every loan package that you will obtain from anywhere. All the financial statements are required to be submitted pertaining to the last three years and also of the present year.

Not only the financial statements but also certain other financial calculative sheets need to be included. The account payables, receivables and the transactions related to cash flow are also required to be shown. The major advantage in this criterion is that suitable proof can be provided through some statements of cash flow on monthly basis to highlight the fact that you can repay the loan amount without any sort of trouble or difficulty.

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BUSINESS | STRATEGIC PLANNING

Seeing the Future How to Design a Business Vision

by Helene Mazur | Photo Credit basheertome

WHY PLAN? Things are ok. But how do you know you are thinking BIG enough?

Are you leveraging the strengths, interests and talents on your team? Will you wind up in a place that will make you happy? What exactly is the best game plan? It is not that you haven’t been thinking about these questions. The business environment is complex and the choices are daunting. How do you answer the hard questions?

For the same reasons that pilots use maps when they fly crosscountry and chefs follow recipes, it makes good sense to work towards organizational and personal goals with a written plan. One can operate without a plan, and many do, but the results probably won’t be optimal.

A strategic thinking and planning process can help to create a framework where you take control of the business, instead of sitting back and watching the business taking control of you. For many, the process of planning (thinking, discussing, researching and analyzing) is even more useful than the final plan. A planning process can help to sharpen a vision, evaluate alternative paths, build common understanding and commitment, balance dreams with reality, and transform uncertainty into action.

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SOUNDS GOOD BUT MOST SMALL BUSINESSES DON’T PLAN Although there is a lot of research correlating success with planning, it probably won’t surprise you that the majority of small businesses don’t have a written strategic plan. The reasons why are varied but some common themes include: “It’s not the best use of my/our limited time”, “planning takes away flexibility”, “there are too many uncertainties”, “we have a business plan”, “building consensus is too difficult”, and “it will cost too much”.

These are all real concerns, especially to the small business owner. The dichotomy is that the very reasons why organizations avoid planning are the same reasons that planning can be so effective. Let’s take a look....

TIME

“We are so overwhelmed - hiring, making sure our customers are happy, getting new products out - we just don’t have time to think about next week, forget about next year. Somehow, the future will just have to take care of itself.”

Thinking versus action provides a dilemma for many professionals. We are action oriented. When we are doing something, we feel productive. When we take the time to think, we feel unproductive. We need to do both.

Without investing the time and effort to think about where we’re headed, it is likely we won’t get there.

When we become so involved in the day to day that we risk losing perspective, it is time to step back. If we stay mired in the trenches, the easiest solution is often implemented, not the best one. Planning takes time, but it leads to a focused use of the limited time available.

FLEXIBILITY

“We like to stay open to opportunities as they arise.”

Creating a strategic plan doesn’t mean that your business can’t be flexible. A plan sets the foundation so that when things start changing; there is a baseline from which to evaluate new opportunities.

Out of strategic planning come decisions like: “we will approach this target market, not that one”, “we will offer these products or services, not those”, “we will ac-

complish this objective before anything else.” Written plans demonstrate that careful consideration has been given to the future. It is easier to make these kinds of decisions strategically with a longer-term view. When things get stressful, it becomes difficult to see all of the options well enough to make educated decisions.

“We have a basic idea of where we are headed, why write it down?”

Unwritten goals are simply thoughts that will change as often as your opinions change. The act of writing out goals helps to clarify them and can provide an objective way of tracking them against actual results. Magic happens when you put goals on paper, they start to become real. You begin to make commitments, and are open to opportunities you may not have noticed before.

UNCERTAINTY

“Strategic planning is a business school concept developed when people thought they could anticipate and predict the future. How can we plan in a world that is highly uncertain?”

Uncertainty is a real issue in forward planning. However, putting our heads in the sand probably isn’t the best solution.

Most organizations have their strategies, structure, and service offering challenged on a regular basis. To remain successful it is vital to ask the following strategic questions on a regular basis: Where are we now? Where are we going? How are we going to get there?

Strategic planning helps a business evaluate market opportunities. To do this effectively, the process includes collecting and analyzing information about the business environment, understanding internal strengths, and developing a set of ‘key assumptions’. Optimal strategies are designed based on all of these factors. As the environment changes, so should our plans. One way to assess whether it is time to conduct a new strategic planning process is to check your list of ‘key assumptions’ on an annual basis to see if anything has changed.

I HAVE A PLAN

“I wrote a business plan when I started the business”

The act of strategic planning is often confused with a business plan. Business plans are usually drafted to obtain financing, then wind up filed away. The strategic planning process is an activity that is conducted every few years to evaluate opportunities, wrestle with environmental changes, build consensus, and to create updated goals. The output (a strategic plan) is a short working document that defines the positioning and future of the organization, with an action plan to get from here to there.

ORGANIZATION DYNAMICS

“I could never get everyone to agree on the best way to move forward. Anyway, shouldn’t it be my vision?”

An effective planning process will help to get people talking, and ensure that the business owner/CEO benefits from the ideas of his/her team. A good process is designed to build confidence, support and commitment among all involved. Even if only a limited group is included in the process, the completion of a strategic plan provides a great opportunity to communicate the company’s direction and core values to employees.

The use of an outside facilitator can greatly enhance the effectiveness of a planning process and keep the process on track.

There is often a strong tendency of those participating to focus the discussions on today’s problems. An outside facilitator can help to broaden thinking and make sure that new ideas and directions are generated.

COST

“We don’t have a budget for planning.”

With all the activities that make up running a business, setting priorities in the context of a plan is important. Without a plan, the limited resources of a growing business will tend to be scattered in many directions, netting results that take longer and cost more.

What are your personal priorities? Is profitability, work/life balance, a motivated staff, or public recognition on your list?

What are the personal benefits of achieving your goals? What are the consequences if you don’t?

If you are serious about your business, it is time to overcome the challenges to planning and start to soar. Don’t hesitate to enlist help. Stop thinking about a better future, TAKE ACTION!

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BUSINESS | FOCUS

Four Keys to a Successful Project Photo Credit VIEWMINDER

1.

Start: Many people are always discussing what they are going to do, what they might do, or what they should do; but very few actually do something. In order for a difference to be made, there has to be a beginning point. Forget about the “what ifs” and the fear of failure and just start. You will never know what you specifically need to improve upon until you start.

2.

Never Forget the Process: We often want to win a championship on the first day of practice or training camp because of the mindset of mainstream society.

Everything has to be the best right now with no time for progress or reflection. How can one write a book or make an album without the experiences that only happen with time. Even God took six days to create the world. He could have been like us and done everything at once with very little quality. He instead partitioned various tasks for specific days. He might have worked

for six days, but he spent seven days in reflection. Give your deep thoughts and your personal experiences time to catch up with one another. Those easily overlooked hardships and interactions with people are saturated with inspiration and wisdom.

3.

Embrace the Random and Unexpected: We often have a long list of things we don’t do because we fear that they will stop us from achieving our goal.

The “don’t” list might also be a pseudo-refuge for flaws that you prefer no living soul to know about. Stop living in denial. Reevaluate that list and do some of the random things you usually wouldn’t do. There are paradigm shifts, opportunities to grow, and revelations hidden in those unexpected experiences. We tend to rob ourselves by thinking that our project in question is only for the benefit of our audience.

In actuality, a project should refine its maker as well, bringing out beautiful character traits that could only be revealed in the face of trial and comfort zone abandon.

4.

Pray: Prayer is truly the glue that holds the previous 3 keys together. Therefore, prayer should be considered a key-ring.

Prayer brings greatness to the surface and helps you properly evaluate each stage of the success process. Prayer also gives us a greater awareness. Prayer should be at the beginning, the end, and in the midst of each scene. Most importantly, it will lead you into a greater opportunity to understand and relate to God, who also had to follow these same four points in order to restore this world back to the united peace and harmony that it once was.

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BUSINESS | SUCCESS

14 | EpiTOME of success

a Prescription for

business SUCCESS

by Jerrod Johnson | Photo Credits dr. heavenly To call Dr. Heavenly Kimes anything less than a modern-day Renaissance woman would be unjustified. She has successfully established herself in business with various ventures and partnerships, including four prominent dental practices. In addition, she is an author, wife, and mother. The dentistry diva and entrepreneur lets us know “it’s all about balance.”

The Miami native began her journey at Florida A&M University. Dr. Heavenly’s initial focus was dermatology, but a recruiter from Tennessee’s Meharry College steered her toward dentistry. “I liked the idea that I can set my own hours and not be in residency so long. … Since I always had plans for a family, dentistry would be a better balance for me.” She

received her bachelor’s in biology from FAMU and her doctorate in dental surgery from Meharry.

Dr. Heavenly’s practices, Heavenly Dental Associates, are located in the metro Atlanta area and staffed with hygienists, dentists, and oral surgeons. Her field of ambitions reaches further than the office, however. She is the co-author of the best-selling book series “Wake Up … Live the Life You Love” and has put her expertise and experiences into a new book, “Dr. Heavenly’s Business Prescriptions” (her weekly TV show carries same name).

“I am always asked how I juggle my dental practices, three kids, four dogs, and keep a man,” she said, “so I put it in a book. … It’s mainly about life balance, mindset and business tips and relationships. … You can have it all!”

As if all this wasn’t noteworthy, this superwoman is leading the two-part mega seminar “Dr. Heavenly University: The Ultimate Prescription for Starting Your Own Business,” which gives participants the tools they need to start up and succeed in entrepreneurship.

Her new book encourages all who read it to “live the life you love.” “Procrastination and fear can be your worst enemy … so you have to keep your mind in the right place.”

Running accomplished practices and maintaining a healthy family can be a challenge, but for Dr. Heavenly, it’s just another day at the office. To learn more about this enterprising powerhouse, visit her website, www.drheavenly.com.

EpiTOME of success|15

BUSINESS | TRAVEL

Sophisticated City Living without Air Pollution

by Leticia Braun | Photo Credit VARIOUS

If you are planning a move to the south and are looking to buy one of the many attractive Atlanta, Georgia condos, here are a few facts to help you get the “flavor� of the city.

Mixed economy

Atlanta is the largest city in the state of Georgia and has a mixed economy including both white-collar and blue-collar workers. Overall, a higher proportion of the population works as sales and office workers, IT technicians, managers and professionals.

In addition, Atlanta is a popular city with artists, designers and media workers in general. This comparatively high proportion of creative types for a U.S. city has helped to imbue Atlanta with its individual personality.

Entertainment

Furthermore, Atlanta, Georgia has a generally young and well-educated population living in its city condos. There are plenty of opportunities for newcomers and residents to meet and form lasting friendships over a restaurant meal, listening to live music or enjoying many other social activities. It certainly has nightlife with venues just as sophisticated as those around Manhattan apartments.

For daytime entertainment, there are many sports centers and cultural center activities, where young professional stay in shape, meet new friends and relax away from the demands of their careers.

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Good education

However, there is less chance of your kids suffering from diseases caused by air pollution and the young people here are more focused on getting a good education and a college degree - things you do not always get with kids raised in New York City condominiums.

In addition, the cost of living is so much cheaper here in Atlanta that we can spend more money on extra-curricular activities for our kids and enjoy a better quality family life. Therefore, speaking as an Atlantan of ten years standing, I firmly believe that as long as you find a condo near a good school for your children, the life here compares very favorably with other U.S. cities!

Fresher air

If you enjoy the fast pace of city life, but worry about the air pollution that dense traffic creates for people who live in say, New York City condominiums and other U.S. cities, then Atlanta, Georgia will be a breath of fresh air for you. More people than the average for U.S. cities use public transportation to get to work in Atlanta.

This means there is far less air pollution than you would get in similarly priced Manhattan apartments, for instance. Therefore, you can go house hunting in Atlanta, Georgia’s city-center without worrying about the air quality on the streets outside the condos.

Ethnic diversity

The city of Atlanta is ethnically diverse, with a prevalence of AfricanAmericans followed by Caucasians with German, English and Irish ancestry.

The predominant language is English, but plenty of the residents in Atlanta, Georgia condos also speak Spanish.

If, like me, you are moving from one of the New Jersey residences near the shore, it can take time to adjust. You will miss Italian hot dog stalls, bagels and the wonderful views of the New York City bay.

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BUSINESS | FUTURE

As the year speeds to its end, we begin to mentally prepare for next year. But don’t forget to take time to assess your personal and professional challenges and accomplishments THIS year. Here are questions to ask yourself 1. What have I accomplished this year? Be specific. Write it all down. Schedule time to celebrate this!

2. What have I learned this year? What skills did you pick up? What emotional lessons?

3. What got in my way? This is where your work will be next year. Be honest if it was your own self that got in the way.

4. Who contributed to my successes? What can you do to recognize these members of your personal or professional team?

5. What mistakes did I make, and what did I learn from them? Writing these down is a good refresher for what not to do next year.

6. How was my work consistent with my values? What will you do with the inconsistencies?

7. Where did I not take responsibility?

Sometimes this is easier to see with a little distance from the actual event.

Purpose & Plan Year-End Review

by Laura Cross | Photo Credit FOTER

8. How did my performance rate? Give yourself a letter grade or a 1-10 score.

9. What do I need to let go of? Doing so can help you move much more lightly into the new year.

10. What was missing for me this year?

How can you incorporate those things into next year?

EpiTOME of success|19

MAIN | FEATURE

THE

KING AND HIS QUEEN POWER COUPLE RYAN & KEISHA

CAMERON

FAMILY, FOUNDATION AND INSPIRATION

by JERROD JOHNSON | MYRA APPLEQUIST Photo Credit Teri Doyle

Well, of course, we’re on location with Lennox and Parker with Ryan Cameron and his powerhouse wife Keisha Cameron Both: Hello Ryan: I’m afraid First off I want to say congratulations, Ryan, for your success being back on the morning show.

Ryan: Thank you very much.

You’re right at home with that, your comfort level, I was listening on your first week, I listen all the time but, primarily on your first week when you had Mike Roberts on and you mentioned how he was a callous and an inspiration and a mentor for you and how he influenced you in this whole industry and the dynamics of being in radio so I thought that was great and interesting. Who else would you say that have influenced you in this industry?

Ryan: Well I think when you have people that have gone from just being talents to being brands, you know the Tom Joyner’s and from her hometown the Donnie Simpson’s and those people where you know, they become household names outside of their markets kind of open up the door for people like myself. And we’ve seen it with a lot of other talent too everybody from Steve Harvey to Rickey Smiley these are all people who started off doing other things that got into radio because those doors were open. And for

22 | EpiTOME of success

me, mentor wise, it’s always been the fact that even the person who kind of gave me my start off as an intern was Sidney Wood who is now on WAOK he kind of helped me really hold my craft because, as an intern I was on with him 6 days a week and that was for year, for free, for no money. Today’s internship is 3 months and you know, they have an opportunity because back then the restrictions weren’t like they are now, where you have to be enrolled in college. I was working at Blockbuster Video and decided to become an intern so you know I think that all things happen as they should they’re no coincidences, so from Mike Roberts to Sidney Wood and I can’t forget Carol Blackmon and Bobby Brown, believe it or not.

Awesome! We definitely recognize that name.

Ryan: That’s a follow up question. Now you’re supposed to say “why Bobby Brown?”

Why Bobby Brown?

Ryan: Well, actually, what I was doing back when I was doing stand up and working at the Blockbuster Video there was a finale, and I would walk over and compete. You know Blockbuster was open from 10 a.m. to midnight and I would walk over and take my lunch break at 11 p.m., so I could go over and perform at the Comedy Club and then come back and close the store. And the finale was on Labor Day and the three judges that night were Carol Blackmon, Mike Roberts, and Bobby Brown and after the show they were like “what do you want to do?” And I was like “I want to be an intern” and Mike Roberts was like “okay, great”, Carol was like “okay” and Bobby was like “no man this guy is great, you should let him…” and he kind of like… he didn’t know me. And what was so funny about it is, that was the bad Bobby years so when I brought it up…

Keisha: He doesn’t know about it.

Ryan: He doesn’t remember. He had no idea what I was talking about. I was like “man you helped me I would never say anything bad about you” and he’s like “I don’t remember, I was high”.

Well, see, you have a niche about that anyway because you were one of the first jocks, or you want to be called a DJ, or radio personality, disc jock.

Ryan: Yeah, we’re on-air personalities, we like on-air personalities.

On-air personality, that started playing rap at V103, and at that time could you predict that rap and hip-hop would be what it is in the music industry today?

Ryan: Well, I think V back then was very safe, and the music was what we call day-parted. And day-parted means that certain types of music would only be heard at certain periods of the day, and rap was always after dark.

Underground.

Ryan: It was definitely, yeah, underground, after dark, and so that’s when I was on. And, so I would work Monday through Friday from six to ten, and Saturday from seven until midnight, but then, on Friday we had this show called the Fresh Party from ten to midnight which was strictly hip-hop and live mixing and you know, I mean I look back at those numbers now I had like a 40 share, you know.

“do what you have to do, so you can do what you want to do” ryan cameron

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COVER | FEATURE

Keisha: Huge.

Ryan: Its unbelievable. Like a 40 share now, you’d be getting eight, nine, ten million dollars if you could command 40 percent of the listening audience, you know, in this day and age. But, back then everybody was tuned in because that’s where they went to for that music.

That’s what they wanted to hear.

Ryan: Yeah.

Okay, great. Well as I mentioned, Keisha it’s a pleasure to meet you. We live vicariously through Ryan when we hear about his lovely wife, and his family, and how he’s such a family man. And most people have not met you and don’t know the better half to our… I’m just kidding.

Keisha: *laughs* Ryan: No, it is true. No, she is the better half.

The other half to the power couple that we have put you guys on the forefront to be, so I appreciate you joining us as well. And here again, you can share with us in terms of, I understand that Ryan has the Ryan Cameron Foundation, and you were very influential in catapulting that foundation to where it is today. I understand that you have been there for about eight years and now you can wear the retirement hat, if you will.

Keisha: Absolutely.

But, if you want to share with us the mission statement, I’m sure you both know. What is the Ryan Cameron Foundation and how impactful has that been for you all?

Keisha: Wow. You said so much, you ended up with a question, well let me say that the mission of the Ryan Cameron Foundation is to transition youth, give them healthy transitions from childhood into adulthood with resources that educate, empower, and inspire. So what we do with that is we have put together a solid program calendar year.

We have put together three initiatives that are either aligned with healthy lifestyle, anti-violence, or environmental and we lead off all of that with our leap program, The Leadership Academy. Which we are very fond of, which is an eight-year program, we make an eight-year commitment to ninth graders and work with them each year, into and throughout high school, and then into and throughout college.

That’s the part that’s so exciting to me honestly, that and healthy lifestyles are probably my two just, I’m just over the moon about it.

Ryan: You get to see people when they’re like preteen almost, you know, ninth grade and by the time they finish they’re adults. I mean, it’s a wonderful thing to watch; it’s almost like watching a cocoon.

Right, so you get a chance to play a more intricate role in their being who they are.

Ryan: And the main thing is they’re philanthropic, we push them into it because its mandatory, its part of them being able to receive it’s like they have to come back and work in the office they have to be a part of…

Keisha: Their community, they hold leadership roles within their communities.

Ryan: They’re made to do it because what we’re trying to do is get community involvement instilled in them at a very young age, instead of after they get sent to jail and it’s part of community service because they got to pay some kind of fine or something like that. They do it because they want to not because they have to.

And also that just rolls right into your intricate setting of being that power couple. So I’m sure those individuals, those young people, even other couples see you guys as a great power couple.

Do you consider yourselves as a power couple?

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Ryan: I think honestly that we compliment each other very well, but, we’ve had to go through the fact that an organization that started out as an idea from myself just trying to do something that my grandparents instilled in me, which was, you know, I was going to soup kitchens before there were homeless people, they didn’t even know what they were called. It was always the downtrodden, or you know at church they say the “sick and shut-in” you know what I’m saying, so it would be those people that were in soup kitchens that my grandmother would make me do that. And she was always the community leader in our Bankhead neighborhood. She was always the head of this, and the head of that, and she was very involved in that.

So, to kind of continue her legacy of what she put into me, I started the organization…

Keisha: Without me.

Ryan: Yeah, we had no idea that it was going to be that, but if you have something that you are very passionate about, you have to have somebody involved in it that is just as passionate as you are. And my wife, coming from corporate America and being a manager and knowing how to manage people as well as to take on projects and make them go from almost pretty seamless. And we had to make some transitions, some very tough decisions in the beginning because a lot of people who were a part of the foundation were really fans, not necessarily workers, and you kind of had to get rid of those people and then…

Keisha: And then I came on board, they wanted to see Ryan but they were seeing me. And that’s part of it, you know, you have those people you do.

Ryan: Well you know it’s like Xernona Clayton says, “if you can’t change the people around you, change the people around you” Absolutely, speaking on Xernona Clayton, who is an example of a power couple that you guys look up to?

Ryan: Woo! Keisha: I know! And the more I think about it, I think a good term would be proud couple, you know. I think we worked so hard to make it work that I’m very proud of the work and energy that we put into it as well as the results that we get out of it.

Ryan: But, I think you can look no further than Pennsylvania Avenue, I mean when you look at the President of the United States who is a man of color, who has two daughters like we have two daughters, and he’s able to balance being a world leader and also be a father and also, you know, to be a husband. I think that to me, as a male, is our power couple. Because they each have their own lives, but they have to come together to do what’s good for the greater good. And that is the United States, as a whole, as one nation, and I mean, I don’t know too many people bigger that that.

You’re right. Awesome. Keisha?

Keisha: Yes? How difficult is it being married to such a, and I toggled with this because I initially said local celebrity, then I scratched local because he’s a well-known celebrity, and stay grounded, and operate your household, and be a mother, and a wife. How difficult is that and bringing normalcy or balance to your home?

Keisha: I learned from someone many years ago, not so much to strive for balance, I think when people use the term balance it’s this optimum place where everything is perfect and that seldom happens.

So, you know, we appreciate the moments when everything is in sync, when things are working right, we’re in a groove where there is productivity being done, when the kids are happy and healthy, when there’s movement. I do want to say though, that there is a lot of work,

you know, for me this was not an easy, you know, I still continue to grow through my marriage and I’m proud to say that when Ryan’s career took off I fought it hard to continue to manage my team of seventeen people. But I realize that, that was my job and I was willing to do my job. So often times, the foundation allowed me an outlet…

To still be who you are.

Keisha: Exactly, so I’m very grateful and appreciative for that. But I do have to say that it wasn’t easy at first trying to figure out how we were going to be a young couple, how we were going to be young couple, married couple with kids, and going through the different stages. But, I love who we are now and we just always work on it, always, always, always.

Awesome, speaking of kids, Ryan, another one of your huge accolades and accomplishments is your father-daughter dance.

I’m a great fan of that, we have two daughters as well, and he hasn’t attended that yet, maybe this year.

Keisha: Buy your ticket in February!

That’s right. But, every year I admire you for putting on that.

Ryan: Thank you.

And it’s such an inspiration, and you’ve touched so many other fathers and their lives. It’s kind of like a bittersweet thing, if you will, because so many of our young women right now, and our girls are maybe lowering their standards, if you will. Do you feel like an absence of a father in a home is a direct reflection of that? Where young girls are, I think I mentioned earlier, that the marriage in black households might be a lost art or loss form.

And do you think the absence of the father is a direct reflection of how our young females are really taking the runt of the negative impact of that in society, because it seems to be that the African-American females are the ones who are not following the structure, if you will. Nothing against Caucasian woman that go on and get married and things of that nature, but it seems to be in our black households that our females have veered to the left just a little bit in the recent years. Or do you think it was just inevitable for that to happen?

Ryan: No, I agree with you that there’s no doubt that it has a lot to do with it, but I also think that it is a given that no matter where a daughter who is then a woman who is then a mother is in her life, she always wants that relationship with her father. And the purpose of the dance, and what we say all the time is it doesn’t matter if y’all don’t talk, it doesn’t matter if y’all stopped talking, it doesn’t matter if you have no relationship with him at all because of whatever, the dance is the way to mend that fence, to heal that wound, because the daughter wants her daddy. No matter what it is, that she needs that in her life, and the purpose of the dance is to bring that together either at the beginning of life at the age of four when they are able to comprehend. We’ve had people bring babies in and it’s more like a picture taking session because they don’t remember it, so we say four is about the time they can really process what’s going on, all the way to people in their fifties and sixties with daughters. And we always encourage the men that if your daughter is of age especially in the four to twelve-year old range, it’s like these are the year when they will be the most impressionable. So you have to set in motion the fact that you are that go-to person, because if they aren’t shown what it’s like to be in a fancy place, or be around fancy cars, or have the best food, and the best time, and dancing, then they are more likely to be susceptible to some player who comes at her with that game. But if she’s already experienced that, she’s not going to fall for that. Like

“I’m going to pick you up at eleven”, man my daddy we did that, or “I’m going to take you…” we did that. You got to go past superficial, you got to go past materialistic, and get right to something else we want our daughters to be able to embrace, which is substance. And if a man has to have substance, then he has to do more than just try to make her his next conquest. And we’re not trying to provide conquests for men out there. And I think based on the fact that her relationship with her father, which is dynamic to the point where I sometimes miss him more than she does, because he is that big of an impact on me. So I know, because my father was gone all of my adult life maybe until his mid-sixties before we tried to mend our fences, because he had some other issues going on. But, to really answer your question, the divide between what happens with the choices that these young ladies are making right now is 100 percent. Based on the fact that the father is the confidant, he is the spiritual advisor, he’s the bank, he’s the superhero, he’s all of that. And if that is missing, she is going out and trying to find that and there’s nobody there to bounce that off of and they end up making poor choices. And that can be an early decision that becomes a lifetime of pain. And the whole dance is to either fix that or stop it from happening.

Okay, great. Well, if there’s one thing or one phrase or even one biblical term that you guys live by, what would that be?

Keisha: We can’t tell you. That’s pillow talk.

Ryan: The one we can say is, we all tell everybody who works with us, who works around us, and works for us, even our own children when it comes to their chores or to their daily lives, “do what you have to do, so you can do what you want to do”…

Keisha: That doesn’t sound like it would be related to a marriage.

Ryan: No, but she said advice is like, for instance for me it’s more like the best thing about this to me is that this level is that when I walk through the door that my kids even though they know what I do, they still want me to go out back and jump on the trampoline, or my wife still says “that trash is running over”, because we’re not at that point yet where we are surrounded by people who do things for us. And I think that’s the most grounding part of it all, is that we realize that my transition from afternoons and mornings were all spiritually guided because when my kids were tiny, I was doing…

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MONEY | PERSONAL FINANCE

How To Handle Money Matters In Marriage

by HESBON KERONGO | Photo Credit foter 26 | EpiTOME of success

It is good to know what your spouse does with all their money but it is not necessary.

Make life easier in your marriage and avoid quarrels by understanding what value your partner puts to money.

Financial issues are extremely sensitive in most relationship/marriage more than sexual matters.

The secret to avoiding financial conflicts especially for married couples and any other couple staying together is to plan for it well.

This is how to do it.

ONE Ensure you know how much is needed in a month for your basic needs in the house and how much you need to save in your joint account monthly.

TWO Any other needs or wants that you may need to take care of together should be added up too.

THREE Once you have added up all your needs, wants and savings that you need to take care of together, then depending on how much each one of you earns, then share the costs.

Making sure that the one who earns more contributes a higher percentage of the cost.

FOUR Whatever is left after the cost is shared is for the individual to know how or what to spend on.

One should not nag their partner concerning what is left because apart from the normal basic needs we have our own individual needs that are separate from the general needs and which we need to appreciate.

FIVE Allow your partner to be who they want to be or do what they need to do with the rest of their money and you will definitely have some peace in the house.

Try this short recipe and see how it works wonders in you relationship. It has worked wonders in mine.

Financial issues are extremely sensitive in most relationship/marriage more than sexual matters.

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MONEY | MANAGEMENT

1. Wasted food

5 Ways You’re Probably Throwing Money Away

by HESBON KERONGO | Photo Credit VARIOUS Did you know that Americans waste half a TRILLION dollars every year? And that’s just what economists can measure! The true figure is probably much higher than that. These days, though, we don’t have the luxury of flushing our money down the toilet. So, what are you wasting money on? And, more importantly, how can you stop?

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$165 billion each year.

Before you order in a pizza or head to the drive-thru window, take a look in your fridge.

Odds are you’ve got food you’ve already paid for that’ll make for a great meal!

Think everything in your fridge looks boring?

Head to the world wide web and search for some ways to jazz up the ingredients you’ve got. A few creative new recipes could save you hundreds of dollars every month!

2. Wasted energy

$146 billion each year.

You thought your electric bill seemed high, but yikes! Luckily, cutting back on your energy costs doesn’t require a complete life overhaul. Instead, simple things - like changing your air filter every three months, turning the thermostat in your water heater down slightly, and using cold water in the washing machine - can make a huge difference.

3. Credit card interest

$49 billion each year.

Did you know the average American cardholder has a balance of more than $2,000 every month and an APR of nearly 13%? You can avoid all of that debt in the first place by creating (and sticking to!) a reasonable budget. Use your credit cards sparingly - like for that unexpected trip to the emergency room, instead of a shopping spree at the mall. And, when you do pay with plastic, set firm goals for paying the balance off.

4. Traffic tickets

$12 billion each year.

This is a low estimate, because it’s impossible to add up all of the extra insurance premiums that add up as a result! So, slow down, stop texting, use your turn signal, and do all of those other great things you learned in Driver’s Ed. Sure, you might get to your destination five minutes later or miss a phone call, but at least you won’t see police lights in your rearview mirror!

5. ATM fees

$7 billion each year.

Sounds kind of ridiculous, right? After all, you’re paying money to get your own money! Unfortunately, banks keep charging more and more for the convenience of ATMs. So, what’s the solution? Say “bon voyage” to that giant bank. Big banks are the worst when it comes to through-the-roof ATM fees. Smaller banks even tend to have arrangements with places (like grocery stores) where you can use the ATM for free. Some credit unions take it a step further by reimbursing you for ATM fees! If all else fails, avoid the ATM altogether. Instead, wait until you have an errand to run and get cash back at the register. That’s always free!

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The most conventional way most people are taught to manage their money is to save it. This is a time honored system that has served many for the “rainy day� or the retirement nest egg. However, unfortunately for many, investing was a lesson taught only by the rich to their children. Therefore, the thought of investing hard earned dollars into a stock market that always made the headlines when people lost their money was not a viable investment strategy for the average African American family and certainly did not fit into their money management philosophy. I choose the word philosophy because that is what it has to be.

A philosophy is a way of living that enriches your life experience. I will give you a template for investing that could very well become the philosophy that enriches your life.

ONE | Buy Low Sell High.

Easier said than done. After all, in March 2009 when the Dow Jones and related indices were at or below 12 year lows, the Dow was under 7000, who would have expected a comeback. Well it did. Right now this year the Dow has just passed the 4000 mark less than 5 years later.

TWO | Follow the big investors, in Big Names.

Just last year Netflix had fallen from a high in the 300 dollar range. A famous Wall Street Billionaire made big news buying in at lows of the 55 dollar range, less than 6 months later as of January this year the stock holds north of 155.

THREE | Make the stock pay for it self.

Many stocks can do this by selling the related option and over time the money you paid for the stock could very well be back safely in your account while you own the stock for free.

FOUR | Have established goals and Objectives

With every position you buy, whether it is Facebook, every stock must have a purpose for being in your account. If it is to make fast money or be passed on to generations, you must know why you own a stock so you can take advantage of the philosophy you are trying to foster.

Getting Started

Managing Your Money

by DON REID | Photo Credit GAMMA MAN

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FIVE | Learn something new

Learn something new about the stock market or stock trading once a week. After 52 weeks of learning 1 new way to make more money in one year you will have an arsenal of money making tools to that will serve you in any market condition. Think about it!

You quickly learned how to use an ATM to access your money. Pay pal, is now second nature. So now making your best investment or trading decisions will be second nature.

MONEY | ADVICE

Better Money Management in 5 Steps

by Randall Stewart | Photo Credit MoneyBlogNewz

How well do you manage your money?

Ultimately, your financial success depends on your ability to take better control of your financial affairs.

Here are 5 positive habits to help you become more effective in managing your money, no matter how much you start with:

1. Start by involving your whole family in the learning pro-

cess.

Engage your whole family in learning about how to effectively manage money. Don’t keep your financial affairs or investments a secret. Ongoing communication about your financial matters is an absolute must if you would like to establish trust, accountability and a sense of financial peace within your household.

2. Reduce your debt load and expenses while increasing your

savings.

Could you decrease your expenditures and be content with getting by with a little less? List three to five areas you could cut back on right away that would allow you to reallocate the money not spent to increase your savings over time.

Reducing your debt load may be a long-term goal, but once you eliminate the heavy burden of bad debt, you can begin accumulating wealth.

3. Gain peace of mind with your emergency fund.

There is nothing like being worry free of knowing how you will pay for the next crisis down the road. Your goal should be to build up enough reserve funds over the course of the next year to cover three to six months of your normal expenses.

Start by opening a savings account or money market account that doesn’t penalize you for deposits and withdrawals. Eventually, you will also be able to set aside additional savings for long-term projects such as vacations, post-secondary education or projects around the home.

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4. Create balance in your money management plan.

5. Track your cash flow and your net worth.

The following money management plan allows you to build up your savings and rewards you every month for your efforts. Start by setting up separate accounts for each of the following categories and allocate funds in accordance with the recommended amounts:

Your cash flow analysis

10% of your net income for investing in your financial freedom Your goal is to set aside money every month, building up your capital in various investments.

At no point in time should you spend the capital that you have already invested. You may reallocate capital to finance a project that is going to create wealth, but avoid the temptation to pay off any expenses.

10% for your education Your financial literacy is fundamental to becoming a wise investor.

This knowledge may be gained from a variety of sources, such as home self-study courses, workshops, seminars, books, CDs, websites and investment clubs.

10% for giving Giving not only brings joy to others; it also brings you a sense of gratification in knowing that you are adding value to other people’s lives. Get into the habit of supporting your community and helping those in need.

10% for your emergency fund and future projects As outlined already outlined, set aside money to cover any unforeseen expenses.

10% for play Life should be enjoyed now and through retirement. A secret to managing money well is establishing balance between hard work and rewarding yourself. Your play account should be spent each month on ways that rejuvenate your body and spirit such as a weekend getaway for two, a meal in a classy restaurant or a day at a health spa.

50% for necessities The majority of your monthly financial obligations or expenses fall into this category. Make a concerted effort to reduce your expenses in the early goings by cutting back on certain luxuries or desires.

A key factor to getting ahead is coming to an agreement with your spouse about how you will manage your financial affairs, including your long-term financial goals.

An important aspect of controlling your money and being successful in the world of finances is keeping tabs on your cash flow on a regular basis. Your cash flow analysis is a written plan of how you spend your money. It is a simple cost-breakdown of your expenses, as seen in most budgets, and involves tracking your income and expenses on a monthly basis. Your cash flow analysis should take into account several important factors, such as: + your budget priorities as a family, based on your passions and dreams + the impact of your specific family values on your cash flow + specific short-term budgeting plans, as well as long-term projections over a six-month to one-year period.

One easy way to keep track of your cash flow is to use an electronic spreadsheet.

Your net worth Besides monitoring your cash flow, it is important to periodically assess your net worth. To calculate your net worth, you need to total up the assets you possess and subtract your liabilities. Assets typically show up in categories such as: + investments, + bank accounts, + pension plans, + chattels or + equity in your personal residence.

On the other hand, liabilities include such categories as: + credit card debt, + long-term loans, + home mortgage, + taxes owing or + unpaid bills.

Calculate your net worth right now and then monitor your net worth every three to four months. The simplest way to keep track of your net worth is with an electronic spreadsheet.

In summary, by implementing these 5 positive money management habits you will begin to realize your dreams for a better future. Keep in mind that what you focus your attention on will increase.

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MONEY | CAREER

Find What You Like and Take the Work Out of Work!

by HESBON KERONGO | Photo Credit cornell university Some people say you’re supposed to work like you don’t need the money.

However, with prices for everything from gas to milk going up, that’s not exactly practical advice. Instead, you need to make sure the work you do 40 hours a week (or more!) is something you like - or even love.

Yes, there’s a reason why it’s called “work” and not “play”, but if you like the work you’re doing, you’ll feel more energized. Sure, you’ll still long for lazy days at the beach instead of long days in front of your computer screen, but you’ll long for them a lot less often.

You’ll find it’s easier to get up in the morning and easier to fight off the temptations of Facebook and your Fantasy Football roster.

But how do you actually FIND something you like and TURN it into work?

1. Think about what you’re good at.

The better you are at something, the more likely to excel at it. So, if you’re great at striking up conversations with strangers, you might love being a salesman. Or, if you’re great at coming up with new recipes, you might be a great food blogger.

2. Think about what you don’t like about your current job.

You don’t necessarily have to change professions to love your work. Instead, you may just need a change of pace! For example, if you hate having an overbearing boss standing over your shoulder all day, why not start a business in the same industry and become your own boss? Or, if you hate being cooped up in a salon all day, why not offer mobile massage services so you can be out and about?

3. Be open to new things.

As important as thinking is, sitting around and pondering your future may not get you anywhere. Instead, a job you really like may fall into your lap. So, don’t throw away that course catalog from the local community college and don’t give up on trying that new hobby you’ve heard people gushing about. Who knows - they just might turn into a fun business opportunity!

4. Learn as much as you can.

It may be OK to “fly blind” on a new hobby and learn the ins and outs as you go, but work is different. For example, if you have a passion for the stock market - and want to turn trading into a full-time job - don’t just trade a few stocks on the side and hope you strike it big.

Instead, learn all about the current market trends, the big historical data, and what makes for a safe amount of risk.

Bottom line - you’ll still have to work hard, but you’ll wind up enjoying the journey a whole lot more!

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a conversation with

married to

medicine mariah huq

by Lakeitha Nunnally | Photo Credit mariah huq

36 | EpiTOME of success

If you’re a Reality TV junkie, chances are you’re addicted to Mariah Huq, co-creator, producer, and star of Bravo’s Married to Medicine. A diva known to don many hats, shares how she married medicine, neutralizes racism for an interracial family, and struts toward the next season of the show and life.

BUSINESS | REALITY What was the premise behind wanting to do a reality show like Married to Medicine?

Mariah: I thought it would be a great opportunity to expose the rest of the world to my world - which is the world of working, living, and playing with doctors. I feel doctors are very sterile people, you never really know what’s behind their scrubs and lab coats. I thought this would be a great opportunity to let people see the sacrifices some of the doctors and their families make in order to practice medicine.

Being from Tennessee, and he from India, how did you cross paths? How did you meet?

Mariah: Well, we didn’t meet in Bangledesh. We didn’t meet in Tennessee. We actually met here in Atlanta at Justin’s. I was sitting at the bar and I remember thinking, “Who in the hell is this little Indian guy coming up to me?”

But, we met and since then, we’ve been inseparable. We basically just met out on a Martini Monday having dinner.

In recent blockbuster movies like Django, Farm Field, and The Butler, we see that racism is still alive and prevalent today. How do you overcome it and deal with in your family structure as a mother? How do you prepare your children for social ignorance?

Mariah: I think that’s a phenomenal question. For me, I think that racism starts at home. I truly believe that. The one thing I try to instill in my kids is confidence and a sense of self. I told them if you know who you are when you leave our home, then you’ll know who you are out in the world. That’s the first thing.

I think it’s very difficult for me and my family because not only are we an interracial couple, we are also an interfaith couple. So, I think that we deal with a lot of challenges. I think the main thing is you have to know who you are, have that sense of confidence, and know everyone is not going to be on your team.

The first season of the show was very edgy and sassy, which some scenes, you admitted you were not

proud of. What should we expect to see this season?

Mariah: I think this is going to be a really awesome season. I’m really excited about it because I think this is the season you will really get to dive deep into the families. We’ve had a snapshot of everybody. We saw them as a group, socially. We saw them as an ensemble cast. But now, you will get to see more from the people and the depth in their family. You’ll see more from Dr. Simone and Cecil and how it is going with them raising their kids. You’ll see more from Aydin and I, and us bringing our families together to forge more of an extended family. So I think you’ll get to see a lot more from each individual family.

Married to Medicine is a great opportunity to let people see the sacrifices some of the doctors and their families make in order to practice medicine.

Is there anything new?

Mariah: You’ll get to see a new face or two.

Of all the hats you wear, which one are you most proud of?

Mariah: I’m most proud of my mommy hat, I think because its the hardest job in the world to me. I think I have two very beautiful, very, very intelligent kids at a very young age, and it makes me feel like I’m doing something right. I think that’s the biggest investment you can make - is in your children. So definitely, I can make tens of millions of dollars, but I think the thing I’m most proud of everything I’ve invested into my children.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Mariah: In 5 years, I see myself producing multiple productions. I see myself as the international business woman that I am. And, I see myself being just another strong woman and wife.

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RELATIONSHIPS | INNERSELF

38 | EpiTOME of success

Positive Thinking And Its Effect On Your Health

by Greg Riley | Photo Credit Daniele Zedda The first situation to consider is the relationship between thoughts and conditions like depression and stress. A crucial question is whether the person’s thoughts are creating the physical depression or the physical depression is creating the negative thinking. When it comes to how you can use your mind to help, this can be accomplished consciously and subconsciously. When someone has a habit of imagining things turning out very badly, rational thinking can show show them that they often exaggerate. However, the unconscious mind is much more powerful in shaping our habitual behavior, oftentimes beyond our conscious control. Visualization and hypnosis can be very effective in modifying beliefs and, if you do this, the long-lasting effects can be more powerful than using logic only.

It is likewise true that positive thinking can have an impact on our physical health, and you may be aware of the placebo effect on people who feel ill. This is when individuals are given a pill which in reality does not have any healing value, and yet they claim to notice an improvement in how they feel. This is evidence of the connection between mind and body, and there are many examples of men and women with a positive outlook being able to recover faster from malady and injury. You can also use the power of your mind to help you in achieving your fitness goals. A historic example of this is when the four minute barrier for running the mile was broken, which had been considered as unachievable up to that point. Once the “barrier” had been broken, other runners also began to break through what had really been a barrier of belief.

The effects of aging are likewise influenced by how we think about the process. As you get older, do you talk to your friends about your “aches and pains” and your weakened capabilities? It seems there’s a great deal of truth to the saying, “You’re only as old as you think you are,” and our thoughts can be used to undo a lot of the so-called effects of aging. Unfortunately, numerous individuals will continue to hold on to old beliefs about the unavoidable “decline” of health in old age, and not pay attention to the benefits of a positive outlook.

Now that you are aware that your attitude can bring you a much better state of health, it’s up to you to take advantage of this information and set your intention to think positive thoughts whenever you remember.

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RELATIONSHIPS | COMMUNICATION

How To Save Your Relationship

7 Amazing Secrets to Saving Your Relationship

by ELIZABETH O’NEIL | Photo Credit Tiagø Ribeiro

Everyone wants to have a great relationship.

Everyone wants to be happy. If your relationship is in trouble right now just implement these strategies to help get your relationship back on track.

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“Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.”

Francesca Reigler one /positivity

Rise and shine each morning with a new lease on life and a positive attitude. This will set the tone for the entire day with your significant other. Make a habit of looking at your partner’s ‘bright side’ and ditch the criticism! Start with the man in the mirror!

“Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong.

The amount of work is the same.” ~Francesca Reigler

two / Attentiveness

If you are trying to restore a good relationship, you want to make sure that you are paying attention to the details. Figure out what makes your partner feel good and do it. You have to learn to speak your partner’s ‘love language’. Make time – you can’t have a relationship if you don’t relate! You can’t truly get to know someone well if you spend very little time together. Attention goes a far way in romance. No matter how small you think your efforts are, they will pay off!

three / compassion

Listen! It’s not always about you! Sometimes your lover needs to know you care. Master the art of being a good listener. This will help you understand your partner and puts you in

a better position to be supportive. Be kind and gentle. Let your speech be seasoned with grace! Barking is for the dogs! Keep in mind that a soft answer goes a long way....And everybody needs to feel loved; so love your significant other significantly!

four / honesty

Make sure that you are honest with your partner and show them the respect that they deserve. Restore any trust that was lost by proving yourself trustworthy one moment at a time. It can be done. Be consistent but don’t be pushy. Breathe!

five / ‘coachable-ness’

Learn from the experts. Read books about the subject and implement great ideas. Many books have been written on relationships and romance, communication and caring for your partner. But it doesn’t matter how much information you hoard, if you don’t adopt an attitude of humility you cannot be taught and you will not learn! You will not change!

six / Romance

Romance is a big deal. Sometimes it gets lost in the hustle of everyday life. We often forget to do the things that once made our partner feel special – the things we did to impress our lover in the beginning! Take the time to rekindle the flame that first ignited your desire.

seven / Communication

The one thing that any relationship cannot survive without is communication. This is the key to unlocking the door to happiness and will be the one thing that breaks your relationship if it is absent. Communication is not just about words...it’s how we reveal ourselves. Share your feelings and make it clear what you need. Ask your lover what he or she needs. It’s the window through which your partner peers into your soul. You must open that window.

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RELATIONSHIPS | BODY LANGUAGE

We think that our actions define us more than our words.

But the reality is exactly the opposite. Our actions are important, but our actions are psychologically used to verify the truth of our words and not the other way around. Be careful what you say. This article attempts to prove that your words define you more than your actions.

Take a parent who says, “Do what I say and not what I do.” A child looks at the action, realizes that the words are empty and vain, and doesn’t listen to what you say.

Interestingly, the child will hold the words against you more than the action. If a smoker tells a child not to smoke while he is smoking, the child will hold the words against him more than the actual act of smoking.

People, even God, will use your words as a bench mark to measure your character and personality. Notice these verses: The words you speak define who you are. You may say, but what about lying? Lies tell a lot about the character and personality of the person too. The willingness to lie about an action is something that will be held against you, once found out, than the action itself.

When our deeds and our words contradict, people usually believe that our actions are closer to the truth than the words. But people will judge you more on the words you used, either to cover up an action, to change people’s perception of an action, to flat out lie about an action, or to be honest about the action. The words you allow to come out of your mouth define you in the eyes of people more than the action.

Your Words Define You More Than Your Actions

by Greg BakeR | Photo Credit Daniele Zedda

Your words give meaning to the action. If a person hauls off and hits a guy and turns around and walks away, no one knows why. No one understands. But if, after punching the guy, he declares, “You ever touch my ten year old girl again and I’ll do worse!” Suddenly, the action makes sense to people. He is cheered on. The words define the action. The words define the person.

Politicians fall into this trap all the time. Many political figures can live down a mistake, but they rarely live down a lie. The very fact that you try to deceive with your mouth tells volumes about you. So yes, it is more the words you say than the deeds you perform that define you in the minds of people.

Naturally, if your words are true, you ought to let your actions verify them. That’s the kicker. Our actions serve to verify our words and our words serve to define our actions, and thus ourselves. Words don’t verify our actions. They define the action. So ultimately it is the words we speak that define us.

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RELATIONSHIPS | INSPIRATION

Not Your Average Marriage

by Lakeitha Nunnally | Photo Credit DaMON KIMES | WILL JONES

Dr. Damon Kimes, the male counterpart of the Kimes powerhouse, gives insight to an exceptional marriage.

As a young boy growing up in a New Jersey farm town, Dr. Damon Kimes never aspired to be a doctor - much less, marry one. Sixteen years in, Kimes prescribes God, space and balance to cure the common marriage.

Most couples can attest marriage isn’t always easy. Let’s compound that with two ambitious doctors, three kids, four dogs, multiple practices, books, a radio show, and a magazine. Kimes describes his marriage to Dr. Heavenly as “an evolution.”

The two met while attending Meharry Medical College in Nashville, Tennessee. Kimes reminisces seeing Heavenly around campus and thinking she was “cute”, but never had a chance to talk to her. It wasn’t until he saw her speaking with a mutual friend, did he get the opportunity to make her acquaintance. After some time and repeat chance encounters, Damon and Heavenly sparked up a real conversation that would consequently lead to a life-long journey together.

“When people are married, you can either grow together, or grow apart,” explains Kimes. “The key is to let the other person grow and not try to limit or restrict what the other person is doing.”

Over the course of their marriage, the Kimes have experienced significant lifestyle changes. Dr. Kimes recalls doing multiple residencies, and spending most of his time away from his wife in pursuit of medicine. Both husband and wife, with successful practices and many other endeavors, have had to sacrifice to support the demands of ambition.

“If there is something new she wants to do, who am I to stand in the way?” asks Kimes. “God has a plan for us, so I’m going to go with it.”

Kimes stresses a firm relationship with God is essential to succeed in life and marriage. Thanks to his mother, God was a major part of his early childhood education.

“We pray together a lot. We read our bibles. We really try to keep Him at the forefront,” reveals Kimes. “And, we just we give each other space.”

Kimes describes the last five years as the most productive, professionally and financially. The next five years, he refers to as the “power five” -- time that will be spent reaching the apex of their businesses.

“In next five years, I would say that we would be close to retiring, but that’s not realistic. We’re both too active,” states Kimes.

Kimes says he will probably always practice some medicine for the stimulation, however, there are other areas that beckon for him. Medical instruments are the not the only kind in his repertoire; this doctor plays drums, tuba, trombone, guitar, base guitar, and keyboard. Kimes confessed to telling his teachers in middle school he had to use the restrooms so he could sneak off to play the drums. In the next phase of his life, Kimes plans to do more with music and possibly, film. Stating the recurring theme in his life as Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me,” Kimes desires to help others through uncertainty, fear, procrastination, and naysayers to tap into their unused gifts.

“All my life, something has been telling me, you need to get this message out, you need to talk to people, you need to be an inspiration. I feel bad that I haven’t done it until this point,” admits Kimes.

Dr. Damon Kimes trusts that the lives both he and his wife lead will be a testament to what God can do in life, career, and marriage.

“We’re going to keep God first, and we’ll make a mark,” declares Kimes. “I don’t want to lay my head down one day when it’s all over and not make a mark that will lasting forever in history.”

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RELATIONSHIPS | LOVE

How to Communicate In Your Marriage

by Morgan Johns Photo Credit Bùi Linh Ngân

The buzz word for saving a marriage nowadays seems to be “communicate”.

It is as if it will automatically zip up all conflicts and resolve all hurts. It may seem a simple word but it can be quite difficult for one to practice.

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There are some pointers for a couple with marital problems to learn the right communication skills before using them correctly to fix their communication in marriage problems.

Your spouse is the closest human relation on earth to you; hence it is your rightful duty, as per your marriage vows, to treat each other well. Each has to look out for the welfare of the other and give one’s spouse the best of oneself. But most of us tend to react the other way; we are most polite to strangers but rude and critical with our spouse. We tend to take our loved ones for granted. Hence, before good communication can happen between the married couple, they must remember their status in each other’s lives and be given top priority at all times.

Communication between spouses Communication is the process of conveying some message to another. Hence, the right words must be chosen as words, once delivered, cannot be retracted. It is so important to choose your words carefully so that the correct message is conveyed without inferences and guesswork. Always sort out your words first before voicing to avoid misunderstanding and create conflict.

This is especially necessary if your marriage is not too stable when you wish to communicate to resolve issues. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes to feel how your words might impact him/her.

Another point about communication is the timing. To have an effective communication, it must be done at the right moment. Do not try to communicate when one party is busy or not alert in mind. Your spouse may be sleepy or tired; there will be no positive impact and you will end up being frustrated with the brick wall of communication. Both parties should be calm and ready to deal with the issue at hand for a resolution. That will be the best time to communicate your feelings and thoughts without being accusing or defensive.

Avoid emotional outbursts which tend to turn the spouse away or shut off his mind.

This kills all forms of resolution to any disagreement or conflict in the marriage. Raising voices and yelling at each other tear down respect for one another which causes more hurt and frustration.

Communication is conducive when the location is right. Crowded places or in front of your children will not do. The place should be comfortable and secure for both parties so that openness is encouraged. The bedroom is a good choice for privacy and a reflection of intimacy for good communication between the couple.

There are many ways to communicate effectively besides words; one can touch or embrace, give a smile or a kiss. These help to relax the other party and allow softer communication to take place which is more productive. Choose nonverbal gestures of communication to promote respect, love and desire to resolve marital conflict.

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dr. kimes heavenly Photo Credit Joni Heart Photography www.joniheartimage.com

RELATIONSHIPS | MIND

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Looking for

LOVE

by Michael Kubai | Photo Credit HUSSON S

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb.

I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!

Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

I worship in adoration—what a creation!

You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.

17-18 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!

God, I’ll never comprehend them!

I couldn’t even begin to count them— any more than I could count the sand of the sea.

Psalm 139:13-18 One question that tends to be on the minds of many human beings at one point in their life is: Where is he/she? The search for a marriage partner is one that many have been on. Others are currently on it, while others will embark on it in years to come. We long for someone with whom we can intimately share our lives with, someone who can care for us and love us, someone who’ll surprise us with text messages/flowers/chocolate in the middle of the day, etc. For some of us, if there’s any question we’d want answered now, it is this one.

And there’s nothing wrong with this desire. I believe that the desire for a spouse is one that God has put within us. However, I believe that many are going about this search the wrong way, or rather, have misplaced priorities. When Eve was ‘introduced’ to Adam, she found him busy doing something i.e. pursuing God’s plan for his life. God had looked at Adam and saw it fit to create for him a help-mate, a companion, someone with whom he can fulfill purpose with. It was as Adam was pursuing his God-given purpose, that he ‘met’ Eve. The Bible states that God has planned everyday of our lives, even before we were born. It also goes on to say that God has good plans for our lives. This has a number of implications: 1. There is a purpose for which I was made.

2. Who I marry will greatly influence my ability to fulfill God’s plan for my life. God’s plan for my life must therefore include what kind of spouse is best for me, how I’ll meet him/her, etc.

Continued on page 52

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“ We were made for a purpose, and I believe that fulfilling that purpose should be our primary goal in life, and it is as we pursue this purpose, that we are to easily locate our life companions.”

One thing that I think is true for many who are in search of a marriage partner is that some are not aware of what God’s purpose for their life is. Moreover, in looking for a spouse, many of the attributes people look for read something like this: God-fearing, intelligent, beautiful/handsome, financially stable, caring, good sense of humour, etc. Nowhere among these attributes do you find the attribute ‘Complimentary life-purpose’. More than connecting on a spiritual, emotional, intellectual and social level, one needs to know whether the two of them will be able to fulfill God’s plan for their individual lives while being married (‘Are we walking on the same path?’).

I’ve heard of a situation where after holding a secular job for a while, a gentleman strongly senses the call of God on his life to become a pastor, but his wife is totally against it and is not willing to support him. The husband was even willing to leave his wife so that he could pursue the calling, but he was advised against it by his pastor.

For those who are in this search for a marriage partner, or are already dating and seeking God on whether you’re in the right relationship, my advice to you would be this-discover your purpose first. Knowing your purpose will, among other things, guide you in knowing what kind of spouse is best for you. It’ll place you in a better position from which you can make this decision. One of the major purposes of marriage is to help one another fulfill purpose. I imagine it to be very frustrating to desire to pursue your God-given purpose, but to be unable to do so because of the contrasting purpose one’s spouse has, or because of the unwillingness of one’s spouse to support them.

I believe that the best way for us to locate our life partners is as we are pursuing our life-purpose. Many are frantically looking for a mate, fearing that the older they get, the less likely it is for them to get married. God, our heavenly Father, loves us, knows the desires of our hearts, and desires to fulfill them. The Bible says that we should delight ourselves in the Lord, and He shall grant us the desires of our hearts. We were made for a purpose, and I believe that fulfilling that purpose should be our primary goal in life, and it is as we pursue this purpose, that we are to easily locate our life companions. Adam was busy pursuing his purpose, and it was as he did so that he ‘met’ Eve and declared, ‘Finally! Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh!’

It’s purpose first, then partner.

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RELATIONSHIPS | FOOD

Richard Ingraham has been Personal Chef to Dwyane Wade for almost a decade. He’s an absolute artist at what he does and there’s nobody like him according to the testimonials of the many celebrities and athletes he’s fed over the years and continues to astonish with his exquisite cuisine. Based in South Florida, Chef Richard is able to blend the earthy flavors of the South with the exotic influences of a plethora of cultures. It was our pleasure to delve into the mind behind the menu and discover what drives this visionary of a chef.. when did you start cooking? I actually started cooking at the age of 10. I would go get chicken out of the refrigerator and try to cook ‘em before my mom got home; I’d burn ‘em up and hide ‘em you know, things like that. I also loved to watch my grandmother and my mom cooking...it’s in my blood! But unfortunately that wasn’t the path I took. I was a hair designer at first but I went back to my first passion which was cooking and I studied at the Art Institute of Atlanta.

So, what is your niche as a chef? Well my clientele is mainly athletes and it’s totally different from your regular ‘bread and butter’ clients in that the diet is tailored to the specific needs of the athlete. Sometimes there are restrictions and requirements on the foods they can eat perhaps to keep the fat content down, prevent cramping or boost energy. So you have to know what you’re doing and know how to combine the correct foods to provide nutrition. I’ve actually been thrust into healthier cooking because of my clients.

It didn’t happen the other way around. That’s just the way the universe works.

Up the heat with flavor and flare Up Close and Personal with Chef Richard Ingraham

by MELODYE JOHNSON | Photo Credit WILL JONES 54 | EpiTOME of success

Are athletes primarily your clients and Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Yes, athletes and entertainers. In ten years I’m looking at probably having a small, 50 seat restaurant. I want to continue to cook for my athletes so I am in the process of building a team so that when I do step away from that facet of my business it can continue to run smoothly. As you know, when you start a restaurant you have to be there 24/7 to make sure things are the way they need to be. So, that’s why I’m taking my time ‘cause there’re some things I need to do first.

What would you say to other aspiring personal chefs? To stay humble, stay hungry and continuously look for more information and ways to improve you. Eat out. Being a personal chef is a lot harder in my opinion. You’re not exposed to what’s currently new in foods, new techniques, things like that...you literally have to do research. Get on the computer, talk to associates and you have to really want to be better at what you do.

If you had to sum up what inspires you, what would you say was your one motivating factor? Well I wouldn’t say there was just one thing. I remember my grandmother waking me up at 3 AM on Christmas Eve to help her with the turkey and not taking ‘no’ for an answer. My parents used to say that even if I didn’t get married, I still needed to know how to cook for myself. And so when I started cooking

it was kinda the same thing that happened when I did hair – the instant gratification that you get when you see the outcome of a makeover and now having my clients say that this is the best thing they’ve ever had or compare my food to places I never thought they would have. The instant gratification is what drives me to want to continue to do different things.

If someone wanted to hire you for an event how would they get in touch? They would send an email to www.chefrli.com care of Sole Gonzalez. Someone would get back with you and have you fill out a questionnaire about food allergies, details of the event etc. Then I would talk to you and customize a menu for that event.

Lastly, what is your favorite meal to cook? To be honest with you, I love it all. That’s why I call my style Eclectic

American. I take dishes we’re used to and I add a little twist while keeping the familiar flavor. I use Asian and infuse it with Soul just to be different. Gabrielle Union and I have toyed with the idea of a cookbook and the name we decided on is “Get Fit with Flava”. Most of my dishes are already 500 calories and below. It’s something that’s going to be real nice. I’m working in conjunction with Calyann Barnett, Mr.Wade’s stylist and we’re coming out with our own line of Chef Ware and aprons for my female clientele as well.

Do you mind sharing who some of your renowned clientele are? Sure. Dwyane Wade is a client; Gabriel Union, A.J Johnson, Sanaa Lathan, Patrick Ewing , Santana Moss...(he chuckles) I could just keep going.

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RELATIONSHIPS | HUMANITY

SO WORTH LOVING

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So Worth Loving, at its heart, is a worldview and a positive way of thinking. We saw the lack of love people have for themselves and wanted to make a difference.

This is a brand that makes a point to remind you to love yourself and love people.

Each of us know what it’s like to feel unloved and even unworthy of love.

Sometimes those feelings are fueled by the mistakes we’ve made or because of the pressures of those around us. With that in mind, we strive to develop products that encourage you to think differently of yourself. We truly believe that there’s a restorative power in knowing and owning that you are worth loving.

Photo Credit and Words by So Words Loving

Struggling with the unfair expectations put on you is something you don’t have to do alone. And So Worth Loving is a community of people dedicated to spreading that message and helping empower people to love themselves no matter their past mistakes. We truly believe that there’s a restorative power in knowing and owning that you are worth loving.

It’s time to take the power of the negative voices back and remember that we can’t change who we trusted, who we loved, or our pasts, but we can learn from it. We are all worthy of love and we plan to make that stance through fashion.

About founder: My Name is Eryn. (whoiseryn.wordpress. com) I currently live in Atlanta, Ga. soworthloving.com and here is my story: Have you ever been the joke of small talk? In every classroom, every year of my life, I was that girl who was shorter than everyone else, by a lot. I was called every cruel thing related to my size and mocked for what I didn’t have.

Shortie, runt, vertically challenged, do I need a booster seat, when do I visit the north pole- the list could continue. With all these voices telling me what I wasn’t and who I was supposed to be, I was constantly comparing my body to other girls, because in my mind I WAS a runt. For a moment, I placed my value on what boys thought when all the girls were maturing much faster and hitting puberty much sooner than me.

From being shown what real love was, I came to the realization that I will not get any taller and my size will not change. I needed to accept myself for who I am and not what others think I should be. Singing around the city, I started to be known as the little girl with the big voice. And it was surrounded by those positive voices that I got the confidence to begin pursuing my dreams as a recording artist so that I could give a little hope to people who struggled in some form, like me.

Then So Worth Loving was born. It started as stencils and spray paint, but now it’s so much more than that. I started a blog broadcasting that anybody is worthy of love and while doing that I was spray painting the phrase on my friends shirts, then their friends shirts then random strangers shirts that found me through the blog. People from all over the world would send me their own shirt to be branded with this phrase. I realized… I am not alone. I am someone that felt unworthy of love by others opinions and I didn’t want anybody else to feel this way. SWL is now committed to spreading this message and using fashion to do so. Through our clothing company, we have discovered a community of people who are busy redefining themselves because they were brave enough to believe in second chances. No matter what your size is, your relationship status, or your past mistakes… you are worthy of love.

I’m Eryn “Eddy” Erickson, and I am So Worth Loving.

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Survive Infidelity

How To Avoid 3 Mistakes Most Women Make Which Prolong Mistrust And Misery

by DENISE A DILMORE | Photo Credit Nathan O’Nions For a couple to survive infidelity, the general theme is the cheater wants to get on with the relationship and quickly move past the affair, while the injured party prolongs the misery and mistrust. And with good reason. It is difficult to “move on” once you have been devastated by an affair.

If both you and your husband want to survive the infidelity and rebuild your marriage, realize that it is a process.

After the initial shock of the infidelity has settled, it is not so much the “sexual act” which is the most difficult to survive, but the deciet, disrespect, lies and lack of loyalty that has taken place. The lingering feelings of deception and mistrust do not immediately go away once the affair stops.

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RELATIONSHIPS | HEALING

Here are 3 mistakes most women make which prolong the mistrust and misery, and most importantly, how to avoid them Mistake #1 - Visualizing The Details and Playing It Over And Over Again

Mistake #2 - Trying To Put The Marriage Back To “The Way It Was”

Mistake #3 - Focusing on The Affair Rather Than The Marriage

The number one mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is visualizing the details of the affair and playing it over and over again in their minds. Envisioning the “what, when, where and how they did things” is destructive to your sanity and will prohibit you from rebuilding your marriage.

To survive infidelity you must learn to take control of your mind and stop the negative visualizations. Understand it is natural to doubt your husbands loyalty but unnatural for you to torture yourself with “thoughts of them.”

The number two mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is trying to put the marriage back to “the way it was.”

For a couple to survive infidelity, both must realize there was a fault line in the foundation of their marriage for the affair to happen in the first place. Usually feeling underappreciated, misunderstood or a communication break down between the couple has occurred prior to the affair. There are many online resources available for couples willing to repair their marriage and find new ways of communicating.

The number three mistake most women make which prolongs mistrust and misery is focusing on the affair rather than the marriage. For obvious reasons feelings of anger, rage, hurt, betrayal and disappointment are all natural and must play a part in the healing process.

Keep in mind, if you did not care about your husband, none of these feelings would be arising. Therefore, once you have both made the decision to survive the infidelity and save your marriage, focusing on the affair rather than the marriage is destructive and futile.

Tips to help rid yourself of unwanted thoughts are

Tips to help you create new ways of communicating

+ Be aware of when negative thoughts are taking over so you can learn to change your thought pattern

+ Stop yourself from falling into the same communication patterns as were present prior to the affair

+ Become aware of what triggers your negative thoughts and images

+ Accept the marriage will not be the same as it was prior to the infidelity

+ Make a conscious decision to stop yourself when these thoughts and images appear

+ Get professional counselling or find online resources to help you develop new ways of communicating

+ Stop telling yourself and others that you can’t stop thinking this way - because you can

+ Learn to listen to your partner rather than jumping in with a response

+ Realize you are in control of your thoughts and need to distract yourself with other people, things and places to keep your mind occupied + Make a written list of 10 things you are grateful for and pull it out and read it every time your negatative thinking begins

“If both you and your husband want to survive the infidelity and rebuild your marriage, realize that it is a process.”

Tips to help you focus on your marriage again + Every day make a list of things he did right + Ask yourself why did you fall in love with him in the first place and does he still have some of those same qualities + Take time away from the everyday routine to spend quality time together + Find new activities and things you are both interested in doing together + Designate specific times to discuss the marital issues and solutions on how to make the marraige stronger Ultimately, your husband carries a large responsibility in trying to help you alleviate your mistrust and misery. It is after all, his indiscretions that created the breakdown of your relationship.

Realize that if you are both committed to saving your marriage, there are many ways that you can restore the trust which was lost to the affair. Take responsibility for avoiding the three most common mistakes many women make. If you put in the daily work, you and your husband will be among the many couples that have succeeded in regaining the trust and surviving infidelity.

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Love isnt magic. its work

by Portia Kirkland | Photo Credit Tiagø Ribeiro

It took me 40 years to figure out that love isn’t magic.

You’ve heard it over and over, people fall in love with love. But that’s not true. People fall in love with fantasies and their imaginations.

People fall in love with lust. It took me falling in love with God to decipher between falling in love and falling in lust. Love, I can assure you, is in your best interest.

I think about my cousin Sonya who died at 41 from colon cancer a few years ago. We were first cousins; my mother’s niece. Sonya had her first child at 40 and when she was pregnant with Zion, we had no idea she had cancer. We thought that her symptoms were due to her pregnancy, but no. Sonya had cancer and died when her son was one. But one thing I learned about Sonya was that her husband Gil loved her.

They loved each other God’s way. I learned then that who you love is way more than a fantasy. God knew Gil would be a single father. We didn’t know. But God knew. This is why when you love, you want to make sure it doesn’t make worldly sense, but God sense. God sent a mate to match where Sonya was going. Lust will have you picking a mate for today, which is why it fails.

I love that when God speaks about love, he says “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.

When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” 1 Corinthians

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13:11 In other words, being in love isn’t a game. It’s for grown folks.

As adults, we need to learn to love maturely and responsibly, which in turn means unselfishly. When falling in love, remember that love isn’t magic. It’s work. It’s good work, but it requires lots of effort; patience; compromise; dedication and forgiveness. Much of the time when it comes to love, we just want to feel the easiness and comfort of love.

The part that is kind. But love, according to the Word, is longsuffering. And if we want to experience God; if we want to experience the love he has for us particularly when it comes to our mate, we must know that love isn’t magic. Yes, God is love. But love is work that takes lots of practice. Love, my friends, is a choice. A decision. A verb. A commitment. It’s not magic at all.

Moving forward, if you intend on loving someone, love with God’s creation of love and not the worlds. If you commit to a fantasy of what you think love ought to be, you could be missing God and you’re setting yourself up for failure. God has sent a help meet for man because the word says “It is not good for man to be alone,” (Gen 2:18) and so that PURPOSE can be completed. Satan will always promote his form of love which is LUST. He’ll always make lust look better, feel better. But if you’re in tune with God; if you KNOW him, you will choose love God’s way. Then, love will never, ever, fail. LOVE ABSOLUTELY WORKS. It’s Lust that doesn’t.

RELATIONSHIPS | WELLNESS

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Ways to make your skin healthy

by Chloe park | Photo Credit lululemon athletica

The primary step to keeping your skin healthy is preventing damage. Pollutants, air, sun as well as by just natural aging can certainly mortify the form of your skin. Frequent grumbles incorporate dry along with itchy skin, sagging, wrinkles, color alterations, together with age spots. Luckily, there are various methods that you can readily apply in order to maintain a healthy skin, feeling and looking at its most excellent appearance.

Keeping yourself fit, having enough rest, as well as getting healthy diet can set the basis for fine-looking and vigorous complexion. Moreover, a proper diet is not only the excellent way in attaining good health in general but it as well assists you to guarantee that your skin will get all of the vitamins and minerals, along with the nutrients that it requires to preserve and fix itself.

Another way to keep your skin healthy is to apply the right skin care products to your skin. The best anti aging skincare products that can aid you to hydrate the skin are now available at your favorite skin care product store online.

Having a clean skin by using the best skin cleanser is also a great way of preventing skin damages.

One of the most essential ways to protect your skin is to keep it away from the harmful rays of the sun. Ultraviolet radiation harms the skin as well as it can result to wrinkles, premature aging, age spots or even cancer as well. An individual should really get further preventative measures in order to be certain that his or her skin is not totally exposed under the harmful rays of the sun. Do not fail to remember that one should apply a natural sunscreen, or a moisturizer that includes sunscreen (with minimum of SPF 15) every day. Although, it does not mean that you should not go out at all during the day, as if you are like a nocturnal creature.

Your skin also needs some sunlight every day. A 10 to 15 exposures at sunrise or sunset will be alright.

In addition to that, a variety of fine skin care products such as an all natural moisturizer is one of the essential components for a vigorous complexity. Keep on moisturizing all through the day to keep your sensitive skin vigorous. Your hands as well as your face is especially vulnerable to everyday dent, and might require it to be moisturized further.

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RELATIONSHIPS | SKIN CARE

5 Simple Summer Skincare Tips

by YORSKIN | Photo Credit Foter.com THREE. Cleanse, tone, and moisturize, in that order. Cleansing is essential for removing toxins from your skin; toning restores your skin’s pH balance, making it less susceptible to unwanted bacterial growth; and moisturizing replaces nutrients needed to repair, replenish, and restore your skin to a healthy natural state.

FOUR. Airborne allergens such as pollen and other seasonal irritants can inflame the skin, causing hives or a rash. If you are unable to stay indoors when the pollen count is high, changing your clothes and showering—even washing your face and 64 | EpiTOME of success

nose—is an excellent way to reduce the effects of pollen.

FIVE. Drink tea. White tea is a great delicious source of powerful antioxidants. It promotes detoxification and hydration of the body, Tea is also known to support healthy skin and complexion.

And for the health-conscious minds, tea is low in caffeine, it rejuvenates the skin, clears acne, strengthens the immune system, can reduce the risk of cancer, lowers blood pressure (hibiscus tea), and aids in weight loss.

Finally, be aware of any changes to your skin and follow up with your dermatologist or other skin-care professional regarding any concerns. Having healthy skin will certainly improve your quality of life, and by following these simple tips, you will significantly improve and maintain the overall wellness of your skin, both internally and externally.

This summer, focus on skin health and wellness, provide nourishment and protection using multi-vitamins and oxygen for optimal benefits.