LeftLion Magazine - August 2011 - Issue 42

Issue 42 AUG / SEPT 2011

Jean Genet Act 1: Marc Camille Chaimowicz Jean Genet...

The Courtesy of Objects featuring

Alberto Giacometti Tariq Alvi Lukas Duwenhögger Mathilde Rachet Wolfgang Tillmans

Act 2: Prisoners of Love André Acquart Emory Douglas Latifa Echakhch Mona Hatoum Glenn Ligon Abdul Hay Mosallam The Otolith Group Lili Reynaud-Dewar Carole Roussopoulos Gil J Wolman Akram Zaatari

16 July – 2 October 2011 nottinghamcontemporary.org Marc Camille Chaimowicz, Jean Genet...The Courtesy of Objects, installation view 2011.

Photo by Andy Keate Courtesy of The Gallery at NUCA

The Money at Splendour, 24 July 2011. Photo: Dom Henry

contents

editorial

LeftLion Magazine Issue 42 August - September 2011

Welcome to the latest edition of the most graphic thing to read in Nottingham since they pulled down them bogs at the bottom end of the Square. I loved them bogs. Why they didn’t knock ‘em together and turn ‘em into a club, with the caretaker’s offices as DJ booths, I’ll never know. Ooh ahh yeah, I remember now – because it stank of wazz.

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Contain Notts 04 May The local news diary that responds to stag do tossers asking where ‘Whoretown’ is by pointing towards St Anns and saying; “Don’t forget the secret password, lads: NG2”

05 LeftEyeOn

More photography-related japery,

starring the good folk of Nottingham

in New Basford 06 ARobCanadian takes a good look at British print

media, particularly the ones on the top shelf

07 Cha-Ching!

The Money: your Future Sound of

Nottingham champs

Teams In Total 08 Trentformers:

Transition

Forest and County, broken down to their very last compound

People Think He’s Bonkers 10 Some An exclusive interview with the

County gaffer

Madly, Crossley 11 Truly,

The legendary Norm on life after

Brian

18 Works 18 Art Featuring Maxrock and Gillian Lee

Smith

Lion 21 Write The latest missives from the

Notterati

To Mine 22 Back Venneh, Viddeh, Vicceh

The return of Headstock 12

Mark Patterson on the shameful lack

of Roman remains in Notts Event Listings 23 Nottingham

Read this and do summat, you

Whoaaaahhhh!

Bodyline!

13 Notts playwright Michael Pinchbeck miserable get

adjusts his box in preparation for 29 Noshingham

The Ashes

We hoover up the wares of the Cross You Having A Laugh?

15 Are

The Nottingham Comedy Festival:

it’s a serious job trying to organise it

Shall We Do With The 16 What Drunken Tailor?

Keys, Gurkha Kitchen and Tropiero

Horrorscopes 30 Rocky Plus LeftLion Abroad, The Arthole and Notts Trumps

I’m not lying yer; it’s been a mental couple of months in LeftLionLand. For starters, we got massively involved with our new bestest mates, Nusic.org.uk and their Future Sound of Nottingham contest. Eeh, it did my scabby Nottingham heart good to see so many salt-of-the-earth Notts sorts fill out Rock City to see the local talent geein’ it some on the main stage – and it’s a pleasure to give over a page to The Money, who – as I write – are opening up proceedings in front of thousands of bods at Spendour.

The even bigger development this bi-month is that our old website – who’d served us well for nearly eight years – practically snuffed it a few weeks ago, meaning our plans to completely revamp the site from top to toe were brought forward a month sooner than we expected. If you’ve not seen it yet, you need to get over to leftlion.co.uk right now and prepare to be knocked bandy by our wicked def fresh stylings. And that’s only the beginning; wait until we drop the full package…

Anyway, hope you like the latest issue, and rejoice in the knowledge that, unbelievably, LeftLion outlived the News of the World. Yes, they sold thousands of times more copies than we give away – but then again, we never tapped dead kids’ phones, lobbed money over to bent coppers, or had David Cameron snuffling round our trousers. Up your arse, Rupert Murdoch, you laundry basket-sniffing, soon-to-be-sizzling-in-Satan’s-chip-pan get.

Word to your Nana, Al Needham, nishlord@leftlion.co.uk

The Roxy Rob interview

James Huyton

credits Editor-in-chief Jared Wilson (jared@leftlion.co.uk) Editor Al Needham (nishlord@leftlion.co.uk) We’re Not Being Funny, But We Wish He Was Our Boyfriend Alan Gilby (alan@leftlion.co.uk) Marketing and Sales Manager Ben Hacking (ben@leftlion.co.uk) Designer Becca Hibberd (becca@leftlion.co.uk) Literature Editor James Walker (books@leftlion.co.uk) Music Editor Paul Klotschkow (paulk@leftlion.co.uk) Photography Editor Dominic Henry (dom@leftlion.co.uk) Poetry Editor Aly Stoneman (poetry@leftlion.co.uk)

Screen Editor Alison Emm (ali@leftlion.co.uk) Sport Editor Scott Oliver (scott@leftlion.co.uk) Stage Editor Adrian Bhagat (adrian@leftlion.co.uk) Administrator Duncan Heath (duncan@leftlion.co.uk) Cover James Huyton Illustrators Rikki Marr Adam Poole Rob White Photographers David Baird Russ Hamer Adam Humpreys Carla Mundy Laura Patterson Tom Quigley Stephen Wright Andrew Wells

Contributors Mike Atkinson Ashley Clivery Rich Crouch Rob Cutforth Jacob Daniel Ian Douglas Jeremy Duffield Kristi Genovese Mark Goodwin Rebecca Gove-Humphries Darren Howard Shariff Ibrahim Katie Half-Price Roger Mean Gareth Morgan Beane Noodler Nick Parkhouse Tom Quickfall Di Slaney Matthew Spence Tim Sorrell

facebook.com/leftlion twitter.com/leftlion

LeftLion.co.uk received twelve million page views during the last year. This magazine has an estimated readership of 40,000 people and is distributed to over 300 venues across the city of Nottingham. If your venue isn’t one of them, please contact Ben on 07984 275453 or email ben@leftlion.co.uk.

Our cover artist Remeber that mint image of Debbie Harry on top of Wollaton Hall in the last issue? That was this man. When he’s not turning out quality work for the ‘Lion, James is a freelance illustrator and graphic designer.

He’s worked on a wide variety of commercial and personal projects (he’d tell us who, but if he did someone would break his legs or sue him. Possibly both). One thing he can tell us, however, is that his work is currently featured as part of Bantum Clothing’s latest season of quality, cheeky rabbit-festooned gear, and it’s dead mint. Currently making plans to collaborate with more design studios, James is also preparing to have a go at screen-printing, and hopefully doing more stuff for us. jameshuyton.com

Milena Kowalska

She’s been in Roxy Rob’s house Hailing from Poland, Milena is a multimedia artist who specialises in animation and graphic design. She also has an uncanny knack of getting involved with madly creative sorts, as borne out by her shots of Roxy Rob’s old house which can be found in the middle of this mag. We’ll definitely be keeping tabs on her latest find; a bloke who makes hats out of junk mail leaflets and promotional material from the Council.

Currently studying at Nottingham Trent, Milena has also done her time at Nottingham’s version of the Mos Eisley Cantina, the immortal Turf Tavern. visuallartist.jimdo.com

Want to advertise in our pages? Email sales@leftlion.co.uk or phone Ben on 07984 275453 or visit leftlion.co.uk/advertise leftlion.co.uk/issue42

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Nottingham’s Scariest Bus Routes Whenever I get on the 88/89 from Parliament Street there’s always the threat of violence hanging heavily in the air at the bus stop. Although to be fair, this could just be the stench from Burger King.

Daysleeper The Dirty-Five (aka the 35) is possibly the worst.

I’m not a snob, but this bus is for scummers. If you have ever been on this bus, or even mention it on an internet forum, you are a scummer and deserve to rot in jail.

Seamus Flannery There’s a bloke on the Brown Line (15,16,17) buses who sings/shouts really loudly. I presume he’s listening to music at the time. It seems to make everyone feel uncomfortable because he’s clearly not all there. I was also on the bus once when someone got on with a dog the size of a horse.

It stood in the pram area with its legs hanging over the seat staring at people really hungrily and looking like it might attack (though actually I think it was probably a perfectly nice dog).

Adrian It’s been a long time since I’ve been on a city bus, but the late night bus service springs too mind.

Like the old Jasper Carrot sketch; I was sitting there, praying that the nutter/weirdo didn’t sit next to me. But even when there are loads of empty seats they will still find you.

Rebel Rhymes Often on the bus I get to Beeston in the mornings there is a man who gets on and proceeds to play on his flute/penny whistle thing very quietly, but still audible to the rest of the bus. I think it’s telling that he always gets off at the QMC. Daysleeper Every time I board the 78 I’m convinced I can hear, somewhere in the distance, a single staccato banjo.

Khongor

MAY CONTAIN NOTTS with Nottingham’s ‘Mr. Sex’ Al Needham

June - July 2011 26 May

Genealogists work out that Barack Obama’s great-great grandfather ten times removed came from Sutton in Ashfield. This is the first time ever that a black man has had anything to do with that place. There are women now, even as we speak, leaning on the garden wall, subtly pointing to other women across the street and muttering; “Eeh, you want to watch her - her great-great-great-great-great-​greatgreat-great-great-great-​grandpa’s great-greatgreat-great-great-​great-great-great-greatgranddaughter ended up getting married to a...”, and then pursing their lips and tutting like Les Dawson used to.

27 May

A burglar in Beeston has his sentence cut when he points out that he needs to be with his five children. Of course he does; how else is he going to get those fiddly little windows open?

6 June

The bus fares go up. Again. Bad enough that you’ve got to fartarse about looking for multiples of £1.70 because they don’t give change, but they’ve also abolished the £1 short hop – meaning that if you live in Carrington, you have to pay as much to get into town as someone who lives in Rise Park, which is an absolute skank. If you live in the former, and you’re going into town with a mate, you might as well get a taxi now. Hmph.

7 June

The new Evening Post website launches, and oh dear – haven’t they done a rammell job, readers? It’s as if they’ve force-fed a five year-old with the contents of a bin liner full of Rowntrees Fruit Pastilles, made the poor sod jump up and down on a trampoline to the whole of Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers), and then pointed his vomiting head at a laptop screen. Editorially, they’ve jumped on that Web 2.0 bandwagon that was in vogue at some point during 2004, meaning that it’s now very hard to find out any news in Nottingham, but very easy to find out what a racist troll thinks about Britain’s Got Talent.

8 June

Nottingham’s most opinionated grocers, on...

Norway!

“I don’t know what it’s all about, do you? Why Norway? Norway is a talking nation. They’re obsessed with it. They’re never at war because they’re too busy talking. They just chat away about humanitarian issues and living peacefully. We heard about it from George who works here.

He was a Christian Fundamentalist, I believe, which shows they’re all as mad as each other. I don’t know why so many people are obsessed with going on a frenzy. What’s wrong with them? Can’t they have medical help before they get to these ridiculous outbursts? Or just talk to someone. Do they get the Samaritans in Norway?”

The News of the World!

“Hacking is against the law. It’s as simple as that.

What I find difficult to understand is why they think it’s OK to hack the Royal Family and politicians and celebrities, but when they do it to a murder victim there’s an outcry. It’s all breaking the law.

And anyway, how does Murdoch get to own four newspapers in Great Britain? Even in America he’s not allowed to. It’s ridiculous. Good riddance.”

Forest v County in the League Cup! “It’s bad news, terrible. We all want the best of Nottingham to get through, no matter which club.

But you never know what will happen. Notts County do play well on the odd occasion, and it is the odd occasion. It’s a big shame though, a great pity.”

The Space Shuttle ends!

“That’s sad as well. It should keep going. We know that it costs billions of dollars, but so what? It’s no worse than bailing out the Greeks.”

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Roy Skelton, who provided the voices of George and Zippy in Rainbow as well as the Daleks, dies. Someone turns up an article he wrote the mid-90s, in the guise of Zippy, revealing himself to be a hardcore Forest supporter. “Like me, Cloughie would always say exactly what he thought,” said Zippy. “The club’s not been the same since he left. I reckon if Forest want to be champions of Europe again they should make me their manager!” Bungle probably supports Derby.

10 June

It is confirmed that Wollaton Hall is to be used as the setting for Wayne Manor in the next Batman movie, provisionally titled Coke-Addled American Film Executives Have Another Squeeze Of The Batman Teabag Because There Are Enough Bell-Ends Knocking About Who Will Pay To Watch The Same Film Over And Over Again. Sorry, but I’ve never forgiven the Batman films ever since I queued up for hours in 1989 to see the premiere midnight screening of the first film at the ABC across the road from The Dragon. Batman was poncing about in his new plane that they’d been banging on about for months and The Joker pulled out that tiny gun and brought it down with one shot. Then someone spilled Fanta down my Public Enemy t-shirt.

12 June

Nottingham Forest nob off Billy Davies and immediately start going out with Steve McClaren, like a big slag. So this means that Forest have gone from having the best manager England never had to the worst manager they did, in less than twenty years.

13 June

Some bloke accused of indulging in ‘sexual activity’ in the Square is cleared when he points out that he’s actually an epileptic who has up to thirty fits a day. I’m not convinced. I defy anybody to stand in our Market Square, look around at the hunks who disport themselves outside Wetherspoons and the not-at-all-lardy-arsedladies lumbering out of the Greggs and not feel a tingle in the loinage. Ooh.

16 June

Forest and County get drawn against each other in the League Cup. The last time the two met, a load of chatty-arsed Forest youths in sportswear ran onto the pitch at Meadow Lane possibly in excitement at seeing an area of grass in Nottingham

that wasn’t riddled with broken glass, needles and spent johnnies.

They were then chased off by fat, wheezing middle-aged County fans who possibly warned the encroachers that they ‘knew where their Dads lived.’

18 June

Reflex and Flares, the twin swastika tattoos upon the face of Nottingham nightlife, rebrand themselves – presumably because the people who still want to go to a seventies night need the aid of a Stannah Stairlift to get in. Instead, it’s now a 90s and 00s theme bar. Hang on, though; isn’t a ‘00’s theme bar’ just a pub that hasn’t done itself up for over two years?

21 June

A fire breaks out in Crazy Coffins in Bulwell, destroying thousands of pounds worth of mad corpse-boxes. Check their website; people spend thousands of pounds to be lobbed into caskets shaped like mobile phones, guitars, skips and all sorts.

I dunno about you, but if I had laid out some proper money for a coffin shaped like the Left Lion and heard the place was burning down, I’d push my way past the fire brigade and get into the bastard there and then.

11 July

It is announced that the Forest Rec is to get a £5m grant. I know exactly what they should spend the cash on; you know how all these ponces go on about locally-sourced produce? Well, you turn half the Forest into a big allotment that grows peas, ‘nuggit’, brandy snap, and the like. Yeah, and have a tuffeh apple orchard.

Then they can charge twice as much for everything.

10 July

The News of the World shuts down. My all-time favourite local news story that they ever published? The one in 1982 when Jam fans (described in the Screws as ‘POP-CRAZED YOUTHS’) were going to the bowling alley in town, paying for a go, and legging it in their bowling shoes and leaving their manky Gola trainers behind. If only they had concentrated on real news stories like this, eh readers?

16 July

Dear that woman who runs the knitting shop on Mansfield Road; when you close at night, tip a load of kittens into the premises, and charge sucky women who spend all day at work looking at cat porn on YouTube a tenner each to look through your window.

21 July

Some bell-end from Hucknall in the EDL gets done for putting a pig’s head on a stick on the proposed site of a mosque in West Bridgford. Forgive May Contain Notts for being spiritually naive, but if I was an Islamic fundamentalist and I saw a pig’s head on a stick, I’d think; “Ooh, a dead pig. Bleddy good. I hate pigs.” Surely, if the EDL want to get a rise out people, they want to dress the pig up in some unfashionable gear, and get it to hold up a sign that says “I ar yor BOYFRIEND – you want to tak me to PICTURS and hav a SNOGG”

22 July

And I’m sorry, but a mosque in Bread and Lard Island? “Please take your shoes off before praying – not so much that it’s respectful to Allah, but more because we’ve got new carpets. Now let’s all bow towards M&S.” leftlion.co.uk/mcn

LeftEyeOn

A selection of hot Notts shots from the local photo talent over the last two months...

Left to Right from the top: Orange Domes - Strange glowing orbs seen at Colston Bassett churchyard. No Photoshop trickery here - the photographer literally painted the domes with a beam of light over a long exposure.

(Andrew Wells) Parkour Freefall - In the air and no place to land, captured by LeftLion’s favourite street photographer.

(Stephen Wright) Battle of the Bay - Nottingham’s skate scene got together for a monster tricks battle at the Lady Bay Skatepark. The park has recently been painted by the Oxygen Thievez: if you like your graf, worth a look.

(Tom Quigley) Storm Brewing - It’s been a summer of storms and this is a big one rolling in over Clipstone. The sort of thing Notts farmers have nightmares about; bone dry wheat awaits the combines. (♫ Russ Hamer)

leftlion.co.uk/issue42

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Rob Cutforth tries to make sense of British media. Yeah, good luck with that mate...

I am officially bored of news.

When I turn on the TV, news. On the radio, more news. It’s around the corner, it’s under my bed, it’s in my ice cube trays and in between my toes.

When I started writing this column on the phone-hacking scandal, it was just going to be a little piss-take about how the sight of Rupert Murdoch in the back of a limo in short pants, legs akimbo made my physically choke on my left lung and how Rebekah Brooks looks a bit like a pasty, pissed off ginger she-squirrel. But news just kept on happening. They’re hacking dead soldiers phones!

They’re hacking 9/11 families phones! They’re paying off cops! Whistleblowers are dying! They hacked a dead girl’s phone? I mean...come on. It stopped being funny pretty quick. This is not a political column; my articles are puff pieces, cutesy pie pokes at British life through the eyes of a whinging expat. How am I supposed to write with all this news hanging about?

I always knew news in this country was nuts. One of my very first experiences with British “newspapers” happened just before my first visit to ol’ Blighty. I was working my last day before setting off to visit my English girlfriend (now wife) when a co-worker said, “Dude, make sure you pick up a copy of the Daily Sport while you’re over there.” He didn’t say “Make sure you see Big Ben” or “Westminster Abbey is pretty cool” - no, his one piece of British travel advice was to pick up a newspaper on British sport. We’d known each other for years and he knew I cared as much about British sport as I do about the eating habits of the Australian brushturkey (I care about sport slightly more now, but even as a half-Brit, the thought of thumbing through an entire paper devoted to cricket and snooker literally makes my balls whimper, but anyway). He answered my perplexed look with a laugh. “Just buy one. It’s amazing”.

Wandering around Nottingham in a haze of jetlag and culture shock (their potatoes wear jackets over here?), my girlfriend (now wife) and I passed a newsagents and I told her that I had to pick up some sports magazine thing for my buddy back home. Scanning the racks full of news, the first thing I noticed was the tits. Tits everywhere. Tits on the front covers, tits on the back covers, tits in the middle, tits, tits, tits. And that was just the newspapers. There was another shelf above it with magazines (more tits) and another shelf above that with magazines wrapped in foil so you couldn’t see the covers.

If they were displaying all these tits so frivolously on the fronts of newspapers, how freaky did something have to be to get wrapped in foil? Llamas in bondage peeing on each other?

Moving past the tits, I spotted the sport magazine section. Ah yes, it must be over here; the covers of these ones have football guys on; FourFourTwo, When Saturday Comes, World Soccer...ah yes, here it is! The Daily Sport. I picked it up triumphantly and declared to my girlfriend (now wife), Aha! This is the one!

Guess what? Tits on the front cover, tits on the back cover, tits in the middle and tits on every page. Tits, tits, tits. I think there were some footy scores in there somewhere near the back, but I could be mistaken. This can’t be it, I said nervously, my buddy’s laughter ringing in my ears. This is just full of tits. Flick flick, look here, more tits. And here! Flick flick. My girlfriend watched me with a look that one would give a dog who’d just dragged his shitting dog-bum across the carpet; one part disappointment and two parts pity.

My second clue that perhaps the British media wasn’t brilliant was in the last election when The Sun declared its support for the Tories on its front page. I thought, “Hang on - can they actually do that?” All newspapers have their political slant, but I’d never seen one declare its party affiliation so blatantly. It wasn’t just the crazy papers like The Sun and The Mail, either; The Guardian, The

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Times and the Telegraph all unabashedly declared their party support. I’d never seen anything like it. Even Murdoch’s deranged tabloid news channel on the other side of the pond pretends it’s impartial.

Having said that, I still didn’t think British news was as low-rent as Fox News. Fox News darlings Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck have made gaybashing xenophobia the must-have personality trait for the discerning American conservative. No amount of tits or celebrity goss would out-evil that.

But then the News of the World/Milly Dowler thing was revealed. Not even wacky old Bill O’Reilly would hack a dead girl’s phone. The dead girl could have been a lesbian, Obama-supporting Greenpeace hippy and Bill would’ve probably left her alone for the most part. Andy Coulson makes Bill O’Reilly look like a little fluffy bunny who blows candy kisses and farts rainbows.

What exactly is Rupert Murdoch’s modus operandi? What goes on in a News Corp meeting? Is “Destroying Every Living Human Being’s Life On Planet Earth” part of the agenda? I’ve never been to a News Corp meeting, but I think I can say with certainty that it involves beating children to death with bats and drowning kittens.

Now anyone with half a brain already hated News of the World because, frankly, it was crap. I don’t like to judge, but if you were a regular News of the World reader, you are a moron. I hate to break it to you, but your parents are your brother and sister. Or at least first cousins. The only people who miss the News of the World are the ones who you see around town in velour tracksuits eating chips for breakfast and chewing gum with open mouths. I’m surprised these people could turn the pages without taking their eye out.

But it’s not just the crap Murdoch papers that have screwed up royally; no, the lefty papers are junk as well.

The Guardian, drunk on the blood of its now defunct rivals, published a story stating that the The Sun had obtained information that Gordon Brown’s kid had cystic fibrosis illegally when in fact it didn’t. Even my favourite paper, The Independent, was proved to be bent when it was discovered that their preachy little doughball columnist Johann Hari was madly plagiarising quotes in his interviews. But that kind of just went away, didn’t it? I bet little Johann is sitting in a quiet London suburb somewhere drinking milkshakes and thanking his dark lord Satan that the whole NOTW schmozzle happened when it did. .

The British media are like a pack of hyperactive goldfish Jimmy Swaggarts (Google him, youngsters). Zero short term memory, banging their heads against the bowl, pointing their fins angrily one minute, crying and asking for forgiveness the next. “I didn’t mean it baby, really I didn’t. Hey look over there!

Someone else is doing something dodgy, and THEY’VE GOT THEIR TITS OUT.” Forget it, I’ve had it with the lot of ‘em. I’m throwing my TV in the bin, chucking my radio in a skip and burning down my local CostCutter. From now on, I’m getting my news strictly from Twitter. It’s so free and untainted. It helped Wikileaks break their stories and was first to show us Wayne Rooney’s hair plugs. That’s all I need really, why, according to the Twitter news today #whitepeoplehobbies include “Falling down running in horror movies” and “Walking they kids with leashes”. Hahaha, it’s so true. leftlion.co.uk/cinb

interview: Paul Klotschkow photo: David Baird

CHA-CHING!

They’re in The Money, the sky is sunny, and - with the noise from their opening slot on the main stage at Splendour still ringing in their ears, after winning this year’s Future Sound of Nottingham – they’ve got a lot of what it takes to get along. One of the few bands in town to actually make a living out of it, due to a sideproject of playing covers gigs on the side across the continent, frontman Stav Mylonas and guitarist Jake Buckley spell out their plans to cash in on their recent success…

So, Splendour: how was it for you?

Jake: It was wicked - very surreal, but we got used to it incredibly quickly. We put a lot of energy into it; a few moments did go wrong, but we made up for it with energy. The sound guy helped us loads.

Stav: It felt really good, just looking out and seeing a lot of people, it’s a nice day so it’s just perfect. Very English. There was a lot of friends and family, and then a load of other people too.

Jake: It was very nice. It was tender.

How did it feel to win the Future Sound of Nottingham?

Splendid! It’s nice having a big fat ‘yes’ after plenty of years of ‘no’.

Stav: We always try to get more gigs outside of Nottingham, spending a lot of time emailing people who get back to us and say; ‘you’re not local’ or; ‘you’re not big enough yet.’ So having a festival main stage slot under our belts won’t hurt at all.

What do you think of these Battle of the Bands-type competitions - don’t they usually boil down to a popularity contest?

Jake: I usually hate them for that reason, because they’re not fair, but when Mark Del explained the reasons behind the voting for FSN - and that it was 50/50 audience and judging panel - I understood it.

Stav: It’s out of Nottingham that we’ve been aiming at, but when we found out about the competition it encouraged us to get our name out there locally again.

Jake: Although having said that, Battle of the Bands competitions are bloody great if you win them.

So what is the state of play with The Money, circa 2011?

We feel that we are now at the level where we’re ready for a bigger stage. We’ve got everything together - the press kit, a wicked live show, the songs - so we want to do gigs that matter.

And we’ve got a nationwide fanbase.

What’s it like making the leap to being effectively a full-time band?

Well, we’re not exactly full-time. Stav is, but I work in Homemade three days a week making brownies and lasagne. I don’t have to, but I like it - it gets me up in the mornings. But if I could just make all of my money from music, I would.

look at the likes of us and think ‘tossers’. But we want to make our money from making original music.

Stav: We spend five days a week doing this - we rehearse Monday, Wednesday and Friday and Saturday and Sunday we are gigging. I packed in my job because I’ve got the more logistical brain in the band. I was working in a vintage clothing shop and couldn’t do certain things, like take calls for gigs. You’d leave work and go straight to a gig, get back and then wake up for work the next day.

Jake: ...and Dragon Stout.

Have you got any advice for bands who are just starting out?

Jake: If I was seventeen and wanted to make a living out of it off the bat, I would get together two 45-minute sets of covers, get it tight, and go around pubs and bars getting gigs. Once you’ve done that for a couple of years, start harassing agencies and try and get yourself on a showcase.

A showcase?

Yeah. Getting on a showcase was the beginning of the rest of our musical lives.

Stav: We piled in a crappy old van, ploughed through the snow to Sheffield, and turned up all excited. There were ten other bands in the room, Jools Holland-style. We didn’t have any lights, so we swapped some drumsticks for some - those yellow lights that builders have at the side of the road. And that was our audition for our agency, and it landed us a residency in a club in Israel.

You’re one of the few bands around who aren’t afraid of the cover version.

Jake: What landed us the agency slot was that they liked the fact that our covers were originals. We played them our way.

Stav: It’s a lot easier to get somewhere in the covers world than it is in the originals world. If we put our minds to it, we could make a proper career out of the covers.

Stav: A lot of our fans on Facebook are from when we were in Greece a few years ago for the whole summer. It was literally, move out your house, quit your job, go away for months, and come back with big smiles on your faces.

Jake: There is a ongoing battle between the originals and the covers. It’s a constant compromise between both, and it drives us all insane sometimes when we have to skip original stuff to do the covers. I think we do find a balance, though.

Jake: We gigged three times a night, five times a week, drank a lot, made a lot of friends, and got very good at playing covers.

Don’t you worry that it stunts your growth as a band, though, and that people would sooner hear you cover something they know than listen to something they don’t?

Stav: In my old band, I used to think that doing a cover wasn’t being true to our own music. But once you play other people’s songs, you start to learn how songs are put together.

Stav: We got very tight as a band because we lived together as well as played together. More importantly, we are also recorded our own original music and sold our own CDs, collected email addresses, and got people to tag photos of us on Facebook. We really PR’ed ourselves.

Jake: It was such a great way to get fans. You become part of their holiday, the most memorable week of their year, and they buy your album and support you and remember you. We’re still reaping the benefits of it.

Jake: It’s never been a problem for me, because I’m constantly writing my own songs. If people think, ‘There’s Jake and that covers band’, I don’t care. We’ve got over a hundred covers in the tank that we don’t rehearse - we spend our time writing and learning the craft of songwriting. I can see why some guy who works at B&Q and is in some experimental electro thing would

Why should we go out and buy your new EP Sparks?

Stav: It’s finely crafted, that’s why. A lot of effort and passion went it to that...

Stav: We went in to a studio in Northampton that you live in, like a commune. You sleep there, wake up, have your breakfast, grab a few coffees, and straight into the studio until four or five in the morning. Every day it was Dragon Stout, Red Stripe… it gets to the middle of the night and you feel like you are going through cold turkey.

Jake: It’s a really nicely put together piece of music, there’s no fat on it. We are a real live band, but when we get to the studio we like to keep it all proper.

How are you finding the local scene at the moment?

Stav: Because we’ve been dabbling our toe in and out, we’ve not been in the scene, but we’ve been coming back for gigs again recently. I think the Nottingham scene is in good nick; as FSN showed, there are some properly good bands out there.

Jake: Like the Austin Francis Connection - they didn’t play my favourite song on the night, but their recordings just make me crease.

What other Notts acts are you feeling?

Stav: Chris Reeve and his banjo, and Atticus Anthem.

Jake: Gallery 47 for me. My dad’s dentist is his dad - I went home one time, and he was like; ‘listen to this’, and I absolutely adored it. I did a gig at The Golden Fleece where I was headlining above Gallery 47 and I was like, ‘Nooo!’ And then Freaky River Styx - who very rarely rehearse, but when they play live they are just the most explosive dirty bluesy rock quartet that I have ever heard in my entire life. And who’s that Nina…?

Nina Smith?

Yeah. Oh my God. Stav: We saw her with The Petebox the other night, and it was amazing.

So now you’ve got Splendour under your belt, what next?

Jake: Hard work. Playing to crowds like this, but out of town.

This is the biggest thing we’ve done, but we’d love to go out and conquer the world and come back.

Stav: Imagine coming back and headlining this festival with everyone knowing the songs, see people singing along. That’s what we want Sparks by The Money is out now, and available online. showmethemoneymusic.com leftlion.co.uk/issue42

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Trentf Forest

Failed to get out of the playoffs. Again. Old manager dumped, new manager promises better.

Again. Initial foot-dragging over new signings.

Again. Can Forest break the cycle this season?

Rich Crouch, Lost That Lovin’ Feeling If your team’s performance last year was a shop in town, which one would it be?

The entire Broadmarsh Centre. Loads of talk year after year about upgrading and expanding to get into the upper echelons, but just when you think they’re going to sign up John Lewis or M&S, they end up unveiling three more Poundlands.

What was the absolute highpoint of last season?

The period bookended by the Derby victories. It felt like we were walking on air - the scramble to get the DVD of the 5-2 victory, then the anguish of a tight one-nil at their place. Beating Leicester 3-2 was also great; we seemed to properly turn around our slide and head into the playoffs.

And the lowpoint?

Not the playoffs; I’d say a mixture of losing our home record to Hull, and losing away at Scunthorpe and Sheff Utd. Terrible times, really. The playoffs were sad, but ultimately it’s got to the point where Forest fans see them as two friendlies at the end of the season that do nothing but cost extra cash and build false hopes.

Last year’s star player…

I’ve been saying it for years, and finally people agree with me – that Chambo (Luke Chambers, for the uninitiated) is too good for this league. He’s been a tower at the back, a goalscoring machine at the front, and one of the few players who seems to care about the team as much as the fans. He loves to win and it pains him to lose. He’s a ‘body on the line’ defender, but has a bit of class about him. A motivator, a winner and a future captain.

Last year’s donkey…

Unfortunately, this accolade has to go to Robert Earnshaw. He still provided some moments of class, but they were few and far between. Still, he scored against Derby - in both games - and Leicester, so at least there’s some half-decent memories of him now that he’s buggered off to Cardiff. He will, inevitably, score against us this season.

If your manager ran a takeaway in town, what would it be like?

If it was Billy Davies, it’d probably be a new takeaway shop that didn’t have a menu but a list of foodstuffs he recommends and advises you buy - an ‘Advise and Recommenu’, if you will. If Steve McClaren were to open a takeaway it would probably be a lukewarmly-received Dutch coffee shop; people would criticise it whilst ignoring the handful of Michelin Stars the place had won.

Apart from your manager, who else is new at the club this season?

The summer has gone from bad to great. We brough Andy Reid home, and have also brought in Jonathan Greening and George Boateng. We’re also close, apparently, to signing Wayne Routledge and some highly rated Dutch players. We still need a left back though.

And who’s been lobbed?

We’ve lost a lot of bit-part players such as McKenna and Adebola to Hull, Bennett to Sheff Wed, Wilson to Celtic, Tyson to Derby and Nialle Rodney to Bradford. It’s a shame he didn’t go to Hull (and back) to link up with Adebola again, as having Dele and Rodney upfront was proper cushty. Loanees Kris Boyd and Paul Konchesky aren’t coming permanently, especially as Konch has signed for Sven’s expensive Leicester revolution. Let’s hope the Foxes remember to pay their bills this time...

Any other pre-season goings-on worth noting?

There was a trip to Portugal to play Spurs, and a couple of high-profile friendlies (PSV Eindhoven at home, Stuttgart away).

Stevie Mac is bringing us some good football so far - let’s just hope he brings us some good footballers too.

What are your kits like this season?

Delightful. The home kit is cut from a new material, and looks more like a polo shirt. The socks are hooped too, which is lovely. Not so keen on the away top, which is black and has green shoulders, though I do like the obvious Clough reference.

What do you dislike most about your club?

The procrastination with transfers. It seems other clubs are able to do their business much quicker than us. It’s also a touch difficult to get excited about our chances when we have had our hopes dashed so many times. The club just seems to fall at the last hurdle time and again, and it’s frustrating not to see the effort being put in. What I really dislike - actually, despise about the club is that they seem to have decided not to sell steak and kidney pies any more. The choices are purely chicken balti or meat and potato. ‘Meat’? Sorry, I need more description than that in my food. Bring back steak and kidney pies; we had ‘em when we were in the Premiership, and we had chicken balti in League One. Coincidence? I think not.

How bothered are you about the League Cup derby?

Well, it’s hardly Derby, but it will be nice to beat County in a competitive game. They’re the slightly annoying little brother who always wants to beat you on FIFA and pretends that he’s the first kid in the world to ever get in to Rock City on a Thursday night at fifteen when we’ve all done that. For years you’ve bought him decent Christmas presents and he’s spat in your tea - but he’s your little brother so you can’t properly hate him. He properly hates you, though.

Call your shot: what will Forest do in 2011-12?

We need to win the league. Sacking Davies and bringing in Stevie Mac means we must improve on what Billy did here. Worst case scenario for us would be relegation. Mid-table obscurity would be rubbish, but having been in a worse position I can’t see it being too horrible to not have anything to play for at the end of the season.

And if you could send a personal message of advice to your club’s manager in haiku form, what would it be?

Welcome to Forest Please bring us promotion, Steve And please call us ‘duck’ ltlf.co.uk

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ormers

stadium illustrations: Rikki Marr shirt illustrations: Adam Poole

TEAMS IN TOTAL TRANSITION

County

The good news: the Pies reached some kind of stability in 2011. The bad news: it was in the shape of a record-breaking losing streak. Can Martin Allen keep them up, or is it back to the basement?

Jacob Daniel, Notts County Mad If your team’s performance last year was a shop in town, which one would it be?

TK Maxx - a glorified jumble sale, with most of the showings and stock being unpleasant and bordering on offensive. Performances like those that comprised a record breaking nine-game losing run would be a bright orange and purple jumper, and most of the emergency loanees - such as Ivan Sproule and Kevin McDonald - would be rude and slightly ugly till operators. Look hard enough though, and you might find a bargain - Krystian Pearce would be a ridiculously under-priced and incredibly dapper suit and the superb Neal Bishop a rugged and dependable leather jacket.

What was the absolute highpoint of last season?

Only one real answer that can be given here - Bishop’s header at the start of the second half against Manchester City in the FA Cup. Absolute pandemonium at Meadow Lane and, for fifteen minutes or so afterwards, we had Mancini, Silva, Dzeko and their ilk on the ropes. It was the kind of performance that made our subsequent capitulation in the league all the more bemusing.

And the lowpoint?

Probably full time against Oldham Athletic at Meadow Lane. We’d just lost 2-0 to the only team in the league in worse form than ourselves and it didn’t look like we could find a goal from anywhere, let alone a point. It was our seventh consecutive defeat and, although two more were to follow under Martin Allen, we at least showed a bit of fight in those games - we even scored in one of them.

Last year’s star player...

Krystian Pearce. His freak training ground injury was the catalyst for our disastrous run, and his return the catalyst for the ending of it. A ridiculously composed central defender who’s good in the air, on the ball, strong and quick, he will go on to play at a higher level than League One. And last year’s donkey...

A whole host of candidates for this – Liam Chilvers, Jon Harley, Ivan Sproule and Kevin McDonald. The award has to go to Ben Burgess, though; his underwhelming performances (one goal all season) and lack of athletic ability had earned him the name ‘Burger Van’. He’s currently sat on the transfer list. Let’s hope he doesn’t break it.

If your manager ran a takeaway in town, what would it be like?

Some kind of slightly insane takeaway food that only he could think of. ‘Notts Fried Hamster’ or something. His dog - who joins him at training - could help with food preparation, whilst the transfer-listed trio of Burgess, Harley and Chilvers could seek alternative employment in hamster flipping.

Apart from your manager, who else is new at the club this season?

So far, a new physio, chief scout and a tactical analyst. Player-wise, plenty - including Julian Kelly (an attacking right-back from Reading who flattered to deceive on loan at Lincoln last season), and Jude Stirling, Allen’s best mate and best man at his wedding (you know a signing is underwhelming when Allen himself makes it clear he won’t play him unless absolutely necessary and his best quality is being a ‘good DJ’). Alan Sheehan - a left back from Swindon - appears to be a more exciting addition, as does beastly midfielder Hamza Bencherif, a former Forest trainee with a thunderous right foot. Wingers Jeff Hughes (a Northern Ireland international), and all-round headcase Ishmel Demontagnac have joined the ‘Pies, as has Allen’s son Charlie. Perhaps as a token gesture.

And who’s been lobbed?

All of the players at the end of their deals were released - including club captain John Thompson, who could possibly feel slightly hard done by. Graeme Lee, David Grof, Kevin Smith, Febian Brandy, Njogu Demba-Nyren and Lewis Gobern probably saw it coming.

Any other pre-season goings-on worth noting?

We offered a deal to former Forest striker and professional alien imitator Marlon Harewood, but he headed to China instead. Preseason friendlies saw us taking a magical mystery tour of non-league grounds, including Ilkeston, Hucknall, Kettering, Mansfield, Corby, Hinckley and Maidenhead. League opposition was provided by a trip to Macclesfield and home games against Peterborough and Wolves.

What are your kits like this season?

Different. The home kit has been reverted away from the traditional thick black and white stripes for one season to a pinstripe number made by Fila. The away kit is light blue, whilst a white third kit will feature the names of every single Notts season ticket holder.

What do you dislike the most about your club?

The chaos. I feel for any Magpies with heart issues; the constant upheaval at Meadow Lane can’t be good for the blood pressure.

It’d be nice to settle down for a couple of years with one manager and a young side on the up, but it just wouldn’t be the Notts way.

How bothered are you about the League Cup derby?

Very bothered. It’s a game that means a lot to us after so long without a chance to play them and being swatted aside as Nottingham’s failing club. They will - of course - claim they don’t care, and get the 4,000 or so they always get at home to lower league clubs in the first round, and won’t do any singing, goading or even acknowledge the game’s existence. They might even get outnumbered on their own ground because it means that little to them.

Call your shot: what will County do in 2011-12?

Land a safer mid-table position, but I fully expect the unexpected. We’re a striker away from a side capable of flirting with the play-offs, but equally, without the right forward we could well be in a relegation battle again.

And if you could send a personal message of advice to your club’s manager in haiku form, what would it be?

Just let Jude DJ Sign a striker who can score But don’t let Jude play nottscounty-mad.co.uk leftlion.co.uk/issue42

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interview: Jared Wilson

Some people think He's bonkers Some see Martin ‘Mad Dog’ Allen as the epitome of the eccentric, geezerish football manager. But Notts County fans will testify that there is method in the madness, after he saved them from relegation last season. We caught up with him for a chat about Nottingham, posh hotels and a certain League Cup tie...

You’re made out in the media to be an ‘eccentric’ manager. Are you?

I don’t know, you’d have to ask the people that write those things. Sometimes people say that I’m ‘mad’ but a lot of it is press talk and when you scratch the surface you see that there’s more to what I do than meets the eye. Papers don’t always tell you the full story when they tell you a story about me.

Can you give us an example?

There was a piece about me taking a team training session on a roundabout. But the truth was that our team bus broke down on a journey up north and we couldn’t get to the training pitch. It was either that or not train at all before the game. But the journalist left out the fact that the bus had broken down, as it made a better story.

Did you always know you wanted to be a manager after playing?

Oh yeah. My dad was a football manager when I was young and he was one of the top coaches in the country. He used to teach other coaches how to coach and take me along with him. Then when I was twenty-one I set up a soccer school, so I’ve been managing staff, players and logistics since then, knowing that it would stand me in good stead for football management.

When you took over at Notts, they were all over the place, losing nine games in a row. What did you do to turn it around?

I started with very basic things. I asked the players to tell me what they didn’t like about the football club. I got a load of black pens and flipcharts and got them to write it all down anonymously. They could write what they wanted about anything or anybody. I promised them that I would never reveal what they wrote and that I’d try and change those things – which I started to do. In return I said I wanted to see commitment, honesty and respect between them - and to see if we could make ourselves and the supporters happy.

When you first came to Notts you asked on the website if any fans had a spare room you could kip in because you “don’t like these posh hotels.” Did you get that sorted?

I stayed out with people a couple of times, but in the end it was too much. It’s true that I don’t like hotels – they’re no good for the dog for starters, but the people in them looked after me fantastically. I’m in my own house in Nottingham now and I’m settled. There are still a few things to sort, but it’s going nicely. I’ve got someone who looks after my black Labrador when I go to away games and on long scouting trips, so I’m pleased about that.

What do you think to Nottingham as a city? Any favourite haunts where you go outside of football?

I don’t really go out anywhere. I get up at 7.30am and I don’t usually get home until late. I work very hard and in the small bits of downtime I have I usually sit on the sofa and watch the TV like anyone else.

You write a weekly blog, which is surprisingly good if you don’t mind us saying. What made you start blogging?

I started blogging through Pro FC, a company I set up with my friend DJ Campbell to give young footballers a break. But I enjoy writing, which is something I started doing when I was boss at Brentford. I write all the entries myself and I don’t allow anything to be changed unless something

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is drastically rubbish. It just shows people a different side to me and what goes through my head when I go on my long journeys. It always surprises me how many people seem to actually read it.

How will you be celebrating your birthday in August? A night out in town?

More likely a night in with my sons, my sister and my family. Birthdays don’t really mean a lot to me, but I’m still full of energy and life. I love to have a laugh and mess about. I went to a wedding in the summer and at the end of the night it was me that was in a dance-off with a four year-old.

You spent a week in Botswana with Coaching for Hope doing soccer classes with kids this summer. How was that?

It was an awesome experience. The people are so friendly and grateful for a bit of help and just the little things, like food and clothes. It was very humbling, but I was there to teach them how to coach football and I felt very privileged to have the opportunity. I hope that through my work, sport will help to spread through the villages and I feel lucky to have had the chance to do it.

What was the last thing that made you laugh?

I laugh at myself every day. I have plenty of jokes in my locker. People might get this idea that managers are like headmasters, taking a stick to everyone, but I have a good laugh and joke with the players every day in training.

What was the last thing that made you cry?

Three months ago I had some lumps removed from my chest whilst I was managing at Barnet. One of them was particularly big and it hurt when it came out. Afterwards I was given the all clear and told that I didn’t have cancer, just a few days before I joined Notts County. I cried when I heard the news. No-one knew that until now; you’ve got an exclusive there.

What was your reaction when Notts drew Forest in the League Cup? I was in Botswana when I got the news on a text message. I just smiled a lot, I was grinning like a child. My chest filled out and my fists clenched. I filled up with passion and I tried to explain why to the people around me in this poor village in the middle of nowhere. I cannot wait for that game of football! It’s fourteen years since one of these games has taken place. I actually asked Forest if they’d play a friendly against us in pre-season, but they couldn’t. It’s much better to do it in a good competition though. It will be a big occasion for our fans and, for me, it will great to go up against a great manager like Steve McClaren.

Is there anything particularly unique about Notts fans? A few years ago they were dubbed the most depressed supporters in the country...

I heard that too, but all I can say is that the fans are great. The highlight of my time so far was at the end of the game against Bournemouth. We were losing 2-0 after conceding in the 87th minute, whilst pushing forward to try and get a draw. I was stood in the dug-out knowing the game was lost, but all the Notts fans started to sing and get behind the players for the performance they’d put in. I turned to John Schofield and said “Schoey, listen to this. We will stay up.” You can’t overestimate how important it is in situations like that to have the supporters behind you. martinallenssundaysermon.wordpress.com nottscountyfc.co.uk

interview: Al Needham photo: Dom Henry

Mark Crossley - known as ‘Norm’ during his thirteen years as Forest’s goalkeeper, due to a resemblance to Norman Whiteside - started his career being hated by his own supporters. Then he nearly became the hero of the 1991 FA Cup final and a club legend. Nowadays he’s a player-coach at Chesterfield, an after-dinner speaker, and - as of this month - his own publisher...

So, your autobiography’s coming out and you’ve taken the self-publishing route...

Yeah. It’s a bit more than “I’ve won this, I’ve won that” - to be honest, I didn’t really win a lot of trophies anyway. It’s more about the person I am, what happens in the dressing room, the characters I’ve played with and the managers I’ve played under all twenty one of them. I’m funding it all myself and if I make any money at the end of it, I intend to make a donation to a grassroots football or children’s charity.

Your career with Forest and their supporters didn’t exactly start on the right foot. What was it like in town after you’d had an off-game?

I didn’t go out in town after an off-game, put it that way. I came into the team really young and you’re always going to make mistakes at that age.

The Trent End really got on your back at first.

Yes they did, but I stuck at it and I tried to build a relationship with the supporters. I’d go into the Meadows pubs and have a drink with them. I think they appreciated that and the relationship got better and better. I’ve always been someone that’s gone into the community - if anybody’s ever asked me to do anything, to help anybody, I’ve always done it.

So where were you living when you started at Forest?

In my home town, Barnsley, and that’s when I had a lot of trouble with the law. I’d signed for Forest in ‘87, which wasn’t too long after the miners strike so I was getting called a scab for working in Nottingham. I was young and in the public eye - I loved it, but I couldn’t handle it. If someone had a go, then I had a go back.

I was looking at going away on a long jail sentence when the gaffer said; “You’ve got a week to buy a house. In Nottingham.”

So I bought Steve Chettle’s house off him.

We’ve heard a lot about the drinking culture of Forest, with Cloughie getting the team battered before cup finals and that.

Was it really like that?

Not really. They used to let you have a beer because they thought you’d sleep better. As far as a drinking went - every Saturday night after the game there’d be four or five of us out.

Then on a Sunday I’d nip into the Meadows and have a couple in The Crown, and then straight out on the Monday night. But on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, you were preparing for the game on Saturday.

Virtually every book about Forest comes up with new anecdotes about Cloughie. What are you bringing to the table?

On match days we used to pick him up from a hotel in Sandiacre.

One time, the day before Mother’s Day, we saw him in someone’s front garden ripping roses off a bush. Then he went up to the letterbox, pushed a load of cash through it, got on the bus, gave every player a red rose, and told us to give it to our mum or wife or girlfriend. We were told to say; “Brian says thank you for letting him have me on Mothering Sunday weekend.”

Were people scared of him?

I wasn’t; I was in awe of him. I once signed a blank contract because he asked me to. I wanted to play for Nottingham Forest and Brian Clough. I trusted that he would fill in the contract and I wanted him to trust me.

You’re the only goalie to have ever denied Matt Le Tissier from the spot…

Someone told me I’ve got the best record of saving penalties in the Premier League in one season - 57% - which I didn’t even know about. But I also scored for Sheffield Wednesday when I went up for a last minute corner. I’ve always wished that it had been for Forest. But scoring a goal as a goalkeeper - the feeling is unexplainable. I didn’t know what to do, or how to celebrate, or anything.

Was saving Gary Lineker’s penno in the 1991 FA Cup Final the highlight of your career?

It’s definitely up there. It would have been better if we would have won then it would be been the highlight of my career. It’s in the record books as one of only three penalty saves in the Cup Final. Afterwards the gaffer said, “You’ve given your all, that’s all I can ask for, but it wasn’t to be.” Then we sat there in complete silence for at least half an hour. We had a party arranged, but it didn’t really happen. When you get beaten, what is there to party about?

Two years later, and Forest are getting relegated. What was it like being a part of that?

You could see it coming, couldn’t you? People say the gaffer had lost it by then, but he was still as wise as ever. I think it was just probably a year too long for him, God bless him. His health had deteriorated and the players weren’t performing for him either.

What was Frank Clark like?

I thought he was different class and the best appointment we could have made. I didn’t know anything about the bloke, but as soon as I met him at pre-season training I had a feeling that this was the start of a new era. And it was. To get us promoted, finish third in the Premier League, and to the quarter finals of UEFA Cup was a brilliant achievement.

So how did it end with you and Forest?

Basically, it was when David Platt took over in 1999. I had nothing against him, personally, but I just couldn’t get over his arrogance. I read a piece in the paper saying his first job was to get rid of the dead wood. I felt like we were judged before we’d even been given the chance to impress.

Forest-Derby games: how seriously did the players take it?

Cor…it’s massive. It’s the biggest game of the season.

If you did well against them, it was never forgotten. I got some right stick playing there, but I used to love it and give as much back. I probably can’t say this... nah, sod it; you’ve got the Derby support behind the goal, you go to retrieve the ball, you’re getting spat on and everything. So obviously I’m giving it all that back and “Fookin’ sheepshaggers” and all that.

Really?

Of course! When I saw Nathan Tyson running along with the flag, that brought proper memories back to me. I should have been saying; “Ooh, that’s out of order” but I’m like “Go on! Go for it!” I wish I’d have done summat like that.

Big Norm: the Mark Crossley Story will be officially launched at the City Ground on 28 August before the Forest-West Ham game, and is currently available to order from Mark’s website bignorm.co.uk

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Venneh, Viddeh, Vicceh (“I came, I saw, I went shopping”)

Whilst other places in the UK wear their Roman origins like a badge of honour, there’s virtually nothing to look at in Notts – so much so that we’ve been described as an ‘archaeological blackspot’. Mark Patterson’s book, Roman Nottinghamshire, is the first step towards reclaiming our Roman heritage… interview: James Walker photo: Laura Patterson What is it about the Romans that fascinates you?

Who wouldn’t be interested in the Romans, with their strange eating habits and invincible legions clad in shiny armour? I’m keen on exploring how the cultural heritage we’ve inherited from them continues to affect the modern landscape and our lifestyles, and how the ancient Romano-British landscape lies just under the contemporary landscape. Take our roads; A46 Fosse Way, the road from Derby to Long Eaton, or from Littleborough to Bawtry, or the A614 north of Bawtry – they largely follow the routes of the Roman roads, as do the villages that developed along them. Our lives are still being shaped by the ghosts of Rome.

So who lived where? What was the posh bit?

They would have lived in villas and in and around the bigger towns such as Margidunum.

Estimates for villa numbers in Nottinghamshire have varied widely, but I reckon there’s sound evidence for around twenty. Some of them would have been simple farmhouses; but others, such as those at Southwell and Mansfield Woodhouse, were evidently large, luxurious buildings with baths, central heating, wall frescoes and rich mosaic patterns on the floors. The occupants may have been wealthy Roman landowners, possibly absent for most of the year, or native Britons who were doing well from the Roman establishment.

So what’s all this about us being an ‘archaeological blackspot’?

That’s down to something R.W. Butler, who was a member of the Thoroton Society of Nottinghamshire, wrote in the fifties. The point he was making was that there was little awareness of Nottinghamshire’s ancient past among the general public. Why? There was very little to actually see above ground, partly because there were so few museums to show artefacts, and partly because, well, the county has just always been relatively awful at showcasing its ancient past.

And the scabbier areas?

According to certain archaeologists, Besthorpe is believed to have contained what’s known as the ‘Roman working class’, who may have been employed at the estate of the villa at Cromwell, on the other side of the Trent. Of course there was a ‘class’ below them – slaves. It’s been deduced from artefacts found at Leicester that some wealthy households seem to have had dozens of slaves working for them. But I’m not sure how contemporary concepts of class transfer to a pre-capitalist society such as that of Roman Britain.

Why’s that?

It’s a mystery, but only the other day one contemporary archaeologist quietly confided to me that Nottinghamshire was a “catastrophe” when it comes to people and organisations who should know better preserving and showcasing its ancient heritage. The result is that now there is barely a Roman brick above ground and even the stuff we know is there continues to be either threatened with development, or is hemmed in by new concrete. Nobody can expect the structures of the ancient past to put a total stop to development, but equally it is quite amazing – disgraceful, even - how you can travel from one end of Nottinghamshire to the other without seeing a sign that the mighty Roman Empire even had a presence here. You could be forgiven for believing the Roman Empire had a day off between Leicester and Lincoln.

Are all archaeologists a bit batchy, or is it just the ones on Time Team?

Many can come across as a bit odd, but that seems to be a side product of the devotion and passion you need to do the job properly. There was George Campion, for example, who lost all sense of taste and smell after sticking his face into a medieval plague pit in Broxtowe in the thirties. Then there was T.C. Smith Woolley, from Collingham, who excavated at Brough on the Fosse Way in the early 20th century and who was tragically killed when cycling on a February night. The only words he uttered after the collision and before his death the next day were; ‘Oh dear.’

Roman Nottinghamshire is published by Five Leaves, £11.99

Felix Oswald, a Roman pottery specialist and founder of The University of Nottingham Museum, is the big hero of your book…

Oswald merits lengthy mention because of his single-handed devotion to the excavation of Margidunum, the Roman town near East Bridgford now mostly flattened by the A46 roundabout.

Oswald excavated the place between 1910 and 1936, mostly by himself. He wasn’t even stopped when a farmer said he couldn’t continue to work in his field - some of his supporters simply bought the field for him. He revealed what seems to have been the largest Roman town in the county, and then went on to effectively found the museum by donating his vast collection of pottery and artefacts from it to the university. The museum’s a bit of a hidden gem, and should be better known - as should Felix Oswald.

Tell us about the current campaign in Southwell to save a Roman site…

There was once a huge, luxurious villa in Southwell - perhaps the largest in the Midlands. Ongoing work around the site near the Minster just seems to emphasise that the place was the centre of a large, productive estate, with workshops and all sorts. Despite that, a local builder wants to put 29 houses on top of part of the site that isn’t protected and - much to the frustration of local campaigners - this is being supported by English Heritage. The campaigners want the site to be carefully remodelled as a ‘Roman Heritage Park’ to showcase Southwell’s history, which would have tourist and educational value. Given the lack of anything similar in the county, and Nottinghamshire’s dreadful record on this kind of issue, it’s difficult not to see virtue in their campaign.

Any Dan Brown moments in your research?

One of my favourite stories concerns the remains of a villa at Oldcotes, in north Notts, which was last seen in 1870 when a new Catholic church was being built. The architect saw a labyrinth floor mosaic with an image of Theseus at its centre. There aren’t many mosaics like this in Britain as they’ve been destroyed or lost - if it’s still there, under the church, then we would have a Roman treasure worth showing off to the world. But I noted that the official historic record for the villa mentioned that the Catholic priest had ordered no excavation of the church for fifty years. Why? What were they hiding? The dioceses said the previous priest had made that order because he simply didn’t want his church being disrupted by archaeologists. What really amazed me was that they said that nobody had even asked him about the villa in the previous five years. Has nobody else been interested in a picture of Theseus slaying the Minotaur, all under a Nottinghamshire church? If the mosaic is still there, then I think some effort should be made to see if it’s still intact.

Why did the Romans bother to invade an island so far from Rome?

Mad Emperor Caligula had considered invading Britain, to the point of actually lining his troops up on the Channel shore, before suddenly telling them to fill their helmets with seashells. After they got rid of him, his doddering uncle Claudius came to power, and it seems that he thought he could score a quick military victory in Britain. So over he came in 43AD with four legions and some war elephants.

And what would they have been after in Notts?

The East Midlands was on the invasion path as the legions moved north, so it was inevitable the Roman military machine would march in. Once here they would have got stuck into the region’s plentiful supply of ironstone, plus the lead in the Derbyshire Peak District.

Did our local boys, the Corieltauvi, put up a fight?

The classical texts are silent on the issue, which has led some to conclude that the local Iron Age tribesfolk simply rolled over and surrendered. To be fair, though, the absence of references can’t really be interpreted as evidence for anything much. The point I make in the book is that it is highly unlikely that a warrior tribe like the Corieltauvi would have failed to make some resistance. There was a serious rebellion against the Romans to the east and south of Corieltauvi territory in 60 or 61 led by Queen Boudicca, which almost threw the Romans out of the country. Hearing news of dramatic events like this, wouldn’t you or one of your friends in ancient Nottinghamshire be encouraged to take up sword and shield to fight against invasion?

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WHOAAAAHHHH! BODYLINE!

interview: Gareth Morgan photo: Carla Mundy

Michael Pinchbeck is a writer, live artist, performance-maker, and one half of the creative team behind Hatch. His latest project is The Ashes, the story of the infamous ‘Bodyline’ England cricket tour to Australia in 1932-33 that left the game’s reputation tarnished. On the verge of its debut performance at the Playhouse, we aimed a few questions at him - which he batted away with consummate ease…

What’s the story so far?

I had a very distant relationship with drama to start off with; apart from a couple of amateur dramatics plays, I never really studied it until I went to Lancaster University. I co-founded a theatre company called Metro-Boulot-Dodo at university; they’re based in Leicester now, and we toured extensively for about ten years, winning a Total Theatre Best Newcomer Award in 1999. I left the company in 2004 and came back to Nottingham.

You’re heavily tied in to the Playhouse these days…

I met Giles Croft, the Playhouse’s Artistic Director, when I had just started an MA at Nottingham Trent and was interviewing for the Arts Council and a couple of magazines. I spoke to him about what I was doing, where I’d come from; The Beatles cropped up and The White Album sort of came from there.

Nottingham Playhouse has been very supportive since; they have my show, The Post Show Party Show, which I perform with my parents, as a mid-week matinee, and they also support Hatch.

You wanted to use Beatles tunes in The White Album, before discovering they couldn’t be licensed. Did the play suffer?

In a way it didn’t, but it made the intention of the play less visible. I had written the piece to the duration of the album with each scene to the length of that track. Whilst that was lost, the mood remained. Sexy Sadie, for example, was an angry break-up in a restaurant and John Lennon’s LA stuff was where I introduced the Manson Family element. It made it more a question of the interpolation of the music. The issue was not that we were denied rights, as we could play the music from the control box and did. The issue was that I couldn’t have a man put the needle down on the record in preparation of him committing suicide. Sometimes people got the wrong idea of what the show was about - it certainly wasn’t a tribute show.

We had a hen party one night; I don’t think a show about suicide and the Manson Family was what they had expected...

You’re one half of the creative team behind Hatch...

Nathan Miller and I met through the Notts arts scene and began talking about performance culture in the region. We were worried that things could start to slip with the loss of the Now Festival and Expo. We didn’t feel, at that point, that there was a space for artists to try things and be brave, so we wanted to make a space where artists could try things and take risks that wasn’t a theatre. I’ve made projects in cars, on benches, in front of Roman walls – there’s something about me that likes working outside of theatres. Now we’ve evolved: we’ve worked

with artists from all over Europe, and taken Hatch on the road to Skegness and Leicester.

What’s been your favourite Hatch moment?

The very first night, not knowing who would come -and suddenly, loads of people turning up - that was brilliant. In terms of performances, Megan Tait playing Oh I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside on a Casio keyboard using a fork attached to her head. It was only thirty seconds long, which meant some people missed it, so we made her do it twice.

The Ashes, then; how did that come about?

It was another conversation between me and Giles around 2005 when England had won the Ashes for the first time in a longtime. I said I’d wanted to write something about the Bodyline series, and Giles was interested. It’s been developing for four or five years now.

Why did you use Larwood as your focus for the story?

Both him and Bill Voce came from North Notts and worked in Annesley Pit, but I wanted to look at that story through a wider lens, especially at a time when we’d just won again. I thought that cricket could be something we can be proud of and re-ignite our imaginations. I spent a great deal of time looking through the archive at Notts and found some photographs of Larwood with Gracie Fields looking star-struck, or sitting on the deck of the ship sailing over to Australia writing a letter assumedly to his wife, Lois. We explore the way Larwood was treated after Bodyline – being asked to apologise by the MCC. There are photographs of him in his sweetshop after he retired and moved to Blackpool. It isn’t just about the man and the cricket match, it’s about the diplomacy and what happens after the dust has settled.

Do you think there’s much similarity between the stage and the crease?

Yes. I responded to something Douglas Jardine – the England captain at the time – said; “Cricket is battle and service and sport and art”. This got me thinking, this was part of Jardine’s call to arms like a director giving notes to his actors. Equally, it reminded me that the artistry of cricket is still applauded: a balletic catch in the slips, the shaping away from the batsman by a seamer, a well-executed cover drive, they are all things a crowd appreciates much like a performer on stage. I also spoke in depth with former Notts batsman John Clay, who sadly passed away in February, about what it was like playing on the county circuit in the fifties. He said that he imagined that the

nerves he had before going out to bat was like an actor before he went on stage. I was tentative about this meta-theatricality as it’s something that I have used in my other works, but it did get me thinking about this dressing room mentality – the superstitions of players, of having their peg and so on. It was this that started me on the idea of seeing cricket from the wings – one thing I really want to have in the production is lowering down the nets from the flies and having the bowlers running up to deliver the ball but them being off-stage for the release or watching the batting but only seeing the reaction in the slip cordon.

Telegrams are an important part of the play, aren’t they?

Telegrams are used to structure the piece, and are the correspondence between the Australian Cricket Board and the MCC (the Marylebone Cricket Club, who ran the English game in the 1930s). Although very short, clipped exchanges, they tell much more than just the results – they are ‘the story of the play’ which is what used to be the sub-title on newspaper reports of the time. We use them as a framework, but they are useful as an artefact too. Communication is important in cricket as so much of it is relayed through radio and print, which is where much of its language has evolved. I really liked playing with the lexicon of cricket and other period details. Peter Wynne-Thomas, Notts’ archivist, has been a great help - and explained the etymology of the phrase ‘put a sock in it’ too…

So what’s next?

I am currently pursuing a PhD at Loughborough University which explores the role I play as a dramaturg, or outside eye, on other people’s work such as Reckless Sleepers, Hetain Patel and Gabriella Reuter. I’m also taking my show, The End, up to Edinburgh, plus I’m working on a Hatch project called Hatching Plans which will be on in unusual locations in Leicester on the 16 October. We’ve commissioned Frank Abbott to do some work with us and have Action Hero coming again after their great performance of A Western at The Malt Cross last year. There are going to be ten other commissions which we’ll be looking for closer to the date and my old company, Metro-Boulot-Dodo, will be performing too.

The Ashes, Nottingham Playhouse, Friday 2 – Saturday 17 September michaelpinchbeck.co.uk

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Get out and about this summer!

Don’t sit around inside whilst the summer gets underway without you - get out and enjoy the flora and fauna on your doorstep.

Why not have a go at exploring the Big Track, our 10 mile car free cycling and walking route along Nottingham’s waterways.

The canal side stroll is just minutes away from the City Centre and it’s surrounded by places to visit, eat in and enjoy.

For more information visit www.thebigwheel.org.uk/bigtrack

The Nottingham Comedy Festival returns for its third year this September, offering a chance to see some of the greats perform their post-Edinburgh shows - as well as workshops and try-out gigs for aspiring performers. So we collared festival directors Helen Stead and Elliott Bower and asked...

ARE YOU

HAVING A

LAUGH Where did the idea for the festival come from?

Helen: I started the festival with Rachel Greensmith in 2009. We used to go to the Comedy Store in London, and wondered why there was nothing like it in Nottingham. There’s a huge comedy scene here, and somebody needed to come along and bring it all together. We talked to a few comedians and promoters and it happened from there.

How has it grown over the last couple of years?

We’re starting to get our name known in the business. We’ve got to know all the clubs and promoters and local comedians. We have our own regular gigs through the year with a show every month and we’re attracting more established acts. We had fifteen venues of various sizes last year, maybe more this year. As well as clubs like Glee, Funhouse and Jongleurs, we have both small pubs and the big theatres taking part. Just The Tonic aren’t involved at the moment, but we hope they will be in the future.

What can we expect to see at the festival?

You’ll get to see a wide variety of comedy at cheap prices. There will be types of comedy you may not have seen before, like musical comedy, sketch comedy and improvisation which isn’t well known. So there’s a chance to explore something new. The festival is just after Edinburgh so if a show goes well, comedians may perform their shows one more time or they can start work on their next show, which is what Patrick Monahan did last year.

Elliott: We try to cater for everyone. At last year’s festival we had How To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse which was a comedy seminar. It was very different and very entertaining. It completely sold out and most of the audience seemed to be rock music types. Then again, we also had Stand Up Shakespeare with comic characters and scenes from Shakespeare’s plays and that attracted an audience of over-50s.

What’s new at the festival this year?

Helen: We’re hoping to take comedy into the schools and bring children to gigs in theatres. We’re also trying to find funding or sponsorship to give children with learning difficulties a chance to try out comedy because we think it will be great for their confidence and give them a laugh. We’re in talks with a school who are interested.

How can someone get started in comedy?

Elliott: Doing a competition first is good because you only have to do two or three minutes to dip your toe in. I’ve seen people do their first ever gig with completely untried material for ten minutes, and they really struggle. If you’re at a gong show and you’re off in two minutes, it won’t hurt. If I see someone with potential I’ll offer them a slot at one of our small shows.

Those things can be brutal.

The scary thing about gong shows is that it puts the audience in control. I did the Comedy Store a couple of years ago and I lasted ten seconds. All I said was, “Hello.” But it was a good laugh; you get a free pint and you get to go on the Comedy Store stage.

Helen: There is so much talent out there, but many people are scared to give it a go - so we give them the opportunity to try it in a friendly atmosphere in a small club. You can enter our comedy competition which is open to anyone who has done no more than five gigs. If you like it, we will help you develop your skills with workshops in aspects of comedy such as writing, improv and stand-up. The community is a big part of the festival.

interview: Adrian Bhagat photo: Adam Humpreys

Which local comedians do you think have potential?

Elliott: We saw a guy called Adam Lausi do his first gig in May and he went on to do a Gong Show at the Glee Club. I think he’s got the potential to go a long way. He’s already got around a thousand views on YouTube and he could be playing Live At The Apollo in five years time. Scott Bennett is doing well and getting regular paid work. Also a friend of mine, Dominic Eliot Spencer, is getting regular gig work on the circuit and he’s really going places.

Helen: Dom’s fantastic. He’s doing storming gigs all the time. We organise a comedy competition which is sponsored by Castle Rock. The first one was last year and was won by Carl Jones who had only started that June. He is now a regular on the comedy circuit and he’s won quite a few awards already.

The comedy scene in Nottingham seems to have grown enormously - there are a lot of venues at the moment…

Helen: All the venues have got their own audiences and their own style. Jongleurs has got the stag and hen audience, while Just The Tonic is more cabaret. There are smaller intimate venues too. For example, we put on events at The Canalhouse which has a perfect comedy room and acts love it there. A lot of comedians really like to come to Nottingham now - it’s a really vibrant and growing scene here. We’re not far from London or Manchester, so it’s easy for acts to get here.

Elliott: It is starting to get a bit saturated, though. I don’t know whether they are losing money, but I don’t think there will be any more new venues in the city centre. The Bell were interesting in us running an event there on Tuesday nights, but that’s when Just The Tonic have their free nights, so it was never going to work Tell us a little about the comedy you do yourselves.

Helen: We’re both members of the MissImp improvisation group. I joined in September 2008 and started doing workshops and playing games like they do in Whose Line Is It Anyway? and I really caught the bug. Now we do regular improvisation shows at the Glee Club and it’s going from strength to strength.

Elliott: I’ve been on the circuit for a few years, I’m a bit of a failed stand-up. You get a lot of ‘typical’ students who think they’re funny, and I was just the same. I think to hit the big time you’ve got to write and write and write and try out stuff all the time, and after a few years of stand-up I found I couldn’t really laugh at anything any more. Once I stopped I got to laugh again, so now I’m more of a fan than a performer. When I got bored of stand-up I created a character called Harmonica Monocle Man. The first Gong Show I did as him I won and I thought I was onto a winner, but it just died everywhere else. I tried him out at Britain’s Got Talent and got roundly booed off the stage.

Do you have big plans for the future?

Helen: Yes! It would be fantastic to get to the size of Leicester Comedy Festival, so that people know about us and come to spend a weekend in the city to see the festival. I’m happy for it to grow slowly and gradually include more people. We’re also hoping to get some acts together and take them up to Edinburgh next year. We love what we do, and that makes the whole thing more fun.

The Nottingham Comedy Festival, various locations around the city, Friday 23 September - Saturday 1 October nottscomedyfestival.co.uk

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WHAT SHALL WE DO WITH THE DRUNKEN TAILOR? Interview: Al Needham photo: David Baird

You might know Robert Ivars Michailovs-Mètra as that bloke who walks up Mansfield Road as if he owns the place. You might think of him as a local fashion mogul who actually could have owned it, were it not for the drink.

You almost definitely know him as Roxy Rob, and after you’ve read this, you’ll know a little bit more...

First things first; you actually don’t like being called ‘Roxy Rob’, do you?

I’m tired of it. Because most people don’t even know what it means.

There’s kids who weren’t even born when I was running shops calling me ‘Roxy’. The thing that really annoys me is that people shorten it down to ‘Roxx’, which has dodgy connotations these days. I’m not a drug abuser.

The first thing people automatically assume about you is that that you worked with Paul Smith.

Load o’ bollocks. Can I say that again? Load of bollocks.

And this was while everyone else was doing a three-day week.

Exactly. We were supposed to have the electricity off four days a week. So luckily, what with being up an alley, and as long as I didn’t have the music on too loud, I got away with it. I was faster than owt on that machine – I’d set meself a deadline to do as much as I could, and get so far ahead that I’d have a walk round town and look at the fanneh for a bit, have a drink and then go back to work and either sleep on the bench or put in a few more hours.

You were huge with the Northern Soul crowd.

I used to get people coming from all over to get their trousers made. Oxford Bags, they were called; huge flared trousers.

Thing was, I knew absolutely nothing about Northern – I was into me Zappa and Beefheart. I said to one of these kids, what the bleddy ‘ell do you do wi’ these trousers? And he said; “Come down the Palais this afternoon and see.” Went down, Northern Soul all-dayer…Jesus. They were spinning round, doing backflips…all sorts. And they’d go out on the Friday night, do an all-nighter, then an all-dayer and an all-nighter on the Saturday, maybe even another all-dayer on the Sunday, and then straight into work on the Monday morning. And they’d need at least two changes of clothing because they were sweating cobs, they’d be ordering new gear all the time. I was doing a mailorder service, because loads of the squaddies overseas were into their Northern. At the time, I was making as much money as the Prime Minister.

regret if for the rest of me life. I got fifteen replies back; the best one I got was from the local MP, Alan Simpson. He said; “Thank you for the letter you wrote to me, and the rest of the world. It reminded me of something my mother used to say; ‘you’ve got a mind like a schoolboy’s pocket – you never know what’s going to come out next’”! Isn’t that brilliant?

So you actually just walked away.

Look, by the end of it the rent on my shops trebled, at a time when the interest rate was 15%. And when that happens again – and it will - entire streets will go out of business. The rent was rocketing up, the interest rate was rocketing up, sales were dropping, and I’d had enough. People would come up to me and say; “Why have you stopped?” and I would just point at all the lads knocking about in shell suits.

We’ve got to ask; are you an alcoholic?

I’m alcohol-dependent – that’s what the doctors call me. I’m not a chronic alcoholic. I used to like drinking and writing – or was it writing and drinking? People see me drinking, but they rarely see me arseholed. Once I had a pen in me hand, all me troubles went away instead of them being stuck in your head, driving you insane. I’ve always been a drinker. When they asked me what I wanted to be at school, I’d say; “An educated tramp.”

kid, so I had to fiddle about with whatever I bought to make it fit me.

I used to sell Wrangler jeans seconds on Sneinton Market when I was twelve – I spent most of my time under the tables, watching women pulling the jeans on under their mini-skirts, seeing all sorts. Then I moved on to Douglas and Robert on Bridlesmith Gate, who were two of the finest tailors Nottingham ever had. I was one of the last two apprentices they took on, the other was called Douggie. So they took on a Robert and a Douglas.

So what was the relationship between you and Paul Smith?

Me and Paul Smith? Ha ha! None. The first shop he ever opened was on Byard Lane, and was underneath the workroom where I started in 1968, on the day before my 16th birthday. He worked at Birdcage, one of the first boutiques in Notts, and his job was to get stuff made in London for the shop – but sometimes it was in his interests to slip one of his own designs in there now and then, and he got found out. I met him once. That’s it.

What made you strike out on your own?

By the late sixties, loon pants came in; dead tight up here, flared out down there. Anyway, me and Jimmy Redman and a chap called Dar Ali were in a pub in Canning Circus. And I said, “Hang on – you’ve done a bit o’ tailoring, and so have I. If we can’t mek some o’ these loon pants, we want bleddy shooting.” So we all chucked in a few quid each and we cranked out loons in an attic above Dar’s dad’s shop on Woodborough Road - the first Asian supermarket in town. We were pooling our knowledge together and learning so much from each other. Dar had eleven in his family, so we’d already got customers. We were knocking ‘em out at two and a half quid a pair.

How did you discover your flair for tailoring?

When I was a lad, I used to love clothes – but I was a skinny, petite

So you were big in the trouser department.

Yeah. I started doing jackets, but I could never get the hang of collars.

But it didn’t matter, because everyone had long hair, so I never bothered with ‘em. And I got away with it! The three of us went our separate ways, and I realised that I really liked working for meself, because I didn’t have to cut me hair. By this time I was nineteen, married, with two kids. And I was handsome. The prettiest kid in town. My hair shone. And then I started Roxy Threads, in 1972, and opened up Roxanne – the ladies shop – later.

Which is where the name comes from. Were you into Roxy Music?

Yeah, but that’s not the main reason why. Roxy…it’s quite a classy name, in’t it? You could have Roxy Taters, or Roxy Gravestones. It had that thirties feel that was big at the time. My first shop was at Excise Chambers and there were no windows, up a scratty old alley that everyone used to have a slash up. I got the place designed by a bloke called Ron Atkinson, it was all brown and cream and Habitat wallpaper. And then the shop burned down.

No way.

I’d just done the upstairs up lovely – I’d got all me fabrics in, a proper workspace, and it looked beautiful. I was talked into getting new storage heaters in, but they kept the old wiring in. And I had to work non-stop – seven days a bastard week – for a year to get back on track.

Who lives in a house like this?

We go through the keyhole with Rob at his old place on the corner of Forest Road.

What’s the favourite item of clothing that you’ve made – the one that you’d love to pull out, throw on the table and say; that’s how good I am?

It’d be a jacket I made for meself for New Years Eve once. It was silk, but it looked like a rug. And the colours changed along the roll, so if you cut one from one end and one from the other, they’d be completely different. Oooh…it was me coat of many colours. I used to knock about with Vivian Mackerrell – the original Withnail – at the time, and he used to go on about it all the time. ”Ooh, I love that jacket” And one night we were walking round the bottom of Hockley in the rain, and he’s banging on about the jacket, and I’d had enough. So I take it off and go; “Look, just have the bastard” and I throw it on a traffic light, miss, and watch it fall into a massive puddle. So I get it properly muddied up and chuck it him. And he says; “No, what I mean is I like to see you in it!” He was a lovely bloke, Vivian.

So what made you pack it in?

It was me 40th birthday, and I wrote a big long letter to John Major, John Smith, Prince Charles…all sorts of people. About my life, and how I was being taxed out of my business, and how expensive the rents were, and everything. I sent this to sixty different people, all recorded delivery. People would say to me, what you doing that for? And I said, I dunno what’s mekkin’ me do this, but I’ve got a feeling that if I don’t do this now, I’ll

So what’s an average day for you?

I wake up. Get out of bed. Drag a cooommb across my head.

Ha ha! I fill my day. Talk to people. At the moment, I’m trying to leave it until the afternoon before I start drinking, but I’ve had a couple of Magners today, and some Special Brew, so that’s… (quick bit of calculation) about 21 units. Look, people see that I have one of these cans in me pocket, but it’s like a hip flask to me. I don’t drink to get drunk.

But what do you do?

I observe people. I’ll sit in a bus shelter and look at people going home from work, and I can see it on their faces; “Awr, look at that poor sod sat there on his own, with a can in his hand.” But I’m looking at them and thinking; But I’m looking at them and thinking; Jesus, look at that poor cow. She’s done a hard day’s graft, and now she’s got to go home and the kids are gonna be all; “Mam, gi’ us some munneh for skunk! Press me cloes! Ah’m norreatin’ that! Some friggin’ mam yo’are!” Bollocks to that.

What are your favourite spots?

I’ve been spending a lot of time here (the War Memorial in the graveyard), for personal reasons. For my lady, who died last year of cancer – my lady, my girlfriend, my best friend, my trouble…I miss her so much. I’ll put me can down here, and she’ll knock it over. Just to let me know she’s watching over me.

What were the widest flares you ever cut?

One lad from Clipstone came in and asked for seventy-inch Oxford Bags. Seven-bastard-Oh! That’s nearly four metres of fabric! God knows why, it would have been like wearing a dress on each leg, but if he wanted ‘em, he could have ‘em. If he took ‘em back to have ‘em took in, it wasn’t to me!

We look back on the seventies as the decade that style forgot.

Are you going to defend it?

People had a different diet then, so everyone was slimmer, meaning that most of the clothes on sale were tighter, and fitted – and the kids could carry off more outrageous gear. You can’t wear that kind of stuff when you’re on the McDonalds and all that shit. Kids had more imagination then, an’all; they’d come into the shop after school with technical drawing paper, and they’d worked out the style they wanted. All I’d do is sit wi’ ‘em and say, well, that’s not going to work, but if we did it like this... and I’d go off an make it. They were the designers. All I’d do is help ‘em fulfil their dreams. Anyway, The Northern gear kept going right into the early eighties, but the fashion had changed to pegs – really baggy at the top, so you could still do the drops without ripping your arse, and tapered in, so you still looked good in a spin. Which was something the jazz-funk lads picked up on. We also did these box jackets, single-button – looked good on anyone.

way, there’s a band going about called El Gecko who’s got a song about me, called The Best-Dressed Drunk In Town. That’s quite sweet of ‘em, in’t it?

So who do you know on Mansfield Road?

Who doesn’t know me?

But you’re hardly a tramp, Robert. You’ve got somewhere to live, and you always look dapper…

I’ve been going to this thing called Last Orders, an NHS service for alcohol-dependent sorts. The fact is, I’m after a period of abstinence, so I can sort out my living arrangements – and I fancy getting a couple of machines and doing some sewing for me daughter, she runs Frock, on Forest Road. If I’m clean, I could fill in for her so she could take me grandson on holiday. And if I fancied a couple of beers, I could wait until half six.

What pubs do you frequent nowadays?

None – I’m barred out of ‘em all. My being-kicked-out record?

Two seconds. I defy any man to get asked to leave quicker than that. The Lancashire Hotpot, or whatever it’s called. I walked in, stood in the doorway, the landlord pointed at the door…two seconds. I don’t care anymore. When’s the last time a pub in town had a decent pinball table? How often do you find a pool table in town, even?

Erm, yes. We’ve heard a lot of the stories about you getting naked around pool tables...

I’ve played pool naked all over the place. Jaycee’s, the Old Angel, you name it, I’ve done it. Thing was, I’d wear them denim shirts with the big cuffs. And some twat’d go; “Hey, your sleeve’s touching the ball”, so off it’d come. Go on, two shots, carry on. Then when I’m battering them and I’m on the black, and they’ve got five balls left, off comes everything.

We don’t know how true this is, but we were told that some shoegazey band in The Maze got really upset at the sight of you dancing naked to them not so long ago.

What? Me? I don’t remember that.

Apparently, they begged you to leave, because they were hoping to attract some girls with their shimmering sonic cathedral, and they ended up with you with your kit off, giving it some.

No, I can’t imagine that. You know what Nottingham’s like. The Whispering Village. Tell ‘em that if I did, II must have had an acid flashback, and they started to look like a pool table. By the

OK, let’s throw some names at you: ‘Denis’.

Denis? Denise? Dennis? With the tits? Yeah, he used to come in the shop to have his elasticated bottoms took in. He’d whip ‘em off and stand behind me when I was on the sewing machine.

And I always let him tell me how much he was going to pay.

He’s alright, he is. Me and him used to talk all the time on Mansfield Road - me with a beard down to me waist, him with his tits – we must have looked a right couple…

Whycliffe.

Donovan? Jesus, he used to buy clothes from me years ago. I see him often, and I say to him; “You done two albums…don’t lie to me, because I know you’re working on the third one. I know you are”. Look, do you think someone like James Brown would have some pussyclaat supporting him? When he started up, with his first band, you couldn’t even smoke in Donovan’s presence. But his label got rid of his band, they get in a new band, and the next thing you know, he’s walking the streets. He actually asked me to be his manager once. I said; “Donovan…I can’t even manage meself” but what I did was tell him instead of asking people for change, he should ask if he can sing for ‘em.

Pound Woman.

Pound Woman?

The one who sticks her hand out and goes; “PAAHND!” Oh! Sue! She drives you mad, she does!

Nottingham’s supposed to be heaving with clothes designers nowadays. What advice would you give to them?

Learn to SEW! Don’t just draw the pictures and pretend. SEW IT! And put it on your friend. That is the beginning and that is the end. .

You’ve stayed in Notts all your life; what changes have you seen?

There’s a lot more narrow-minded, selfish, self-obsessed twats knocking about. You know why some people are scared of me?

Because I talk to them like normal people used to back in the day.

What’s the one thing that you’d like people who see you in town to know about you?

I am me.

Is there anything else you’d like to say to LeftLion readers?

Be you.

photos: Milena Kowalska

“This is the first sewing machine I ever

had”

‘I cut ign. The words read; “Look at that for des Why r’ loo cef dan the on mesen shaving, blood the ice tw it’s e w? Becaus do I drink Special Bre tones ips Sh of ts pin 20 nk volume; I used to dri before that.”

“That was the most beautiful man nequin I ever had in me whole life. I wrote poet ry on ever y inch of her body.”

with the “This was from Vietnam, along . instr uments at the back ”

“I used to have all sorts in me shops. Look at this – how many inner city kids have even seen a badger? I once had 100 stuffed hummingbirds in a cage”

to 60 MPs. The “This is a copy of the letter I sent ” Billy baby is my grandson,

“Roxx and An

ne ”

Worlds Collide Maxrock

This was born from several ideas, and characters new and old that I’d been developing throughout April. Initially I had no intention of creating three panels in one painting - but as is often the case, more and more ideas spring to mind once the ink is flowing, so I chose to incorporate a lot of these in one image. Plus, I’m a huge fan of comics.

After vacantly starring at the paper which lay amidst a pile of sketches on my desk, I pencilled outlines of all the major shapes to get a balanced composition. Once I was happy, I began painting with watered down black ink building up layers of shadows to create the illusion of three dimensions. Next I added layers of diluted acrylic over the shadows remembering to leave space for other colours. I’d already decided on several of the colours I’d be using but still wasn’t quite sure which colour would be dominant in each panel, so I turned to my computer - something I use less and less for creating artwork - scanned my sketches and did some mock-ups in Photoshop.

Excluding all the sketch work, it must have taken me about two to three weeks of evenings to paint as I also work full time. I began to lose the initial creative energy with this piece and so was becoming more and more precious with it, not wanting to ruin it at the final hurdle - something that plagues me on long painting sessions. I find that people will always see hidden meanings and I like my work to provoke questions within the viewer so I didn’t want to overload this one with too much meaning. That being said, there is a storyline, or loosely-connected events, submerged within the chaos. The moon in the top panel being observed by one of the little doll-like creatures; the circle is repeated in the middle panel, but we are now close enough to see what is happening inside. Could the foetus-like creature in the centre of the moon be the doll from the first image that was enticed by its glow and is undergoing some sort of transformation?

pay well, if at all, but the satisfaction and pleasure from seeing the finished product is a hard thing to come by. I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

It’s very much a mix of light and dark characters/styles, which goes some way to explaining the title. The dolls are taken from a series of cute but goofy things I created about six years ago, as is the large head with tentacles coming out of its mouth that is also based on these characters. Most other creatures are straight out of my dark place. For as long as I can remember I’ve been addicted to creating images through various mediums. It’s frustrating, time consuming and mostly doesn’t

Maxrock shows and sells his work at Art on the Square - a monthly event held in the Old Market Square put on by the Raw Collective maxrockart.blogspot.com

Art Works Tomas

Gillian Lee Smith “Tomas likes nothing better than to walk for miles and miles through river and forest, over hills and stone walls, making new discoveries every day. There are ghostly moth wings and ancient fossilized branches that twist and turn into human like forms and his home is filled with treasures found on these adventures. On each journey, he leaves a trail of scattered acorns as a temporary reminder of the hours spent walking over unfamiliar paths”.

Tomas is one of the most recent characters to appear from my home studio where I spend most of my working days. He’s hand-sculpted out of air-drying clay with jointed limbs and is happiest sitting quietly on a stack of vintage books where he is safest. He is part of a collection that I have been making for The Art of Childsplay, an exhibition at New Brewery Arts in Cirencester. Each character is hand-sculpted and painted and aged to look like an old toy, and has a unique story - they all have the look of something from a time gone by. They’re curious tiny jointed characters with dwelling places, long-limbed marionettes and melancholy souls with rabbit ears and wildflower gardens illustrated over their hearts. I love the creation process, the way a face appears from clay that is completely unique.

Since graduating from Edinburgh College of Art in 2006 with a degree in Performance Costume, I’ve been working as an almost full-time mixed media artist creating in paint, textiles and sculpture. I’m very much inspired by storytelling, characters, folk tales and childhood imaginations and memories, and my most recent characters have gradually developed from my drawings and paintings. As the characters and stories began to take shape, I wanted to bring them to life in a sculptural way.

Alongside my studio work, I also spend a couple of days a week co-coordinating a reminiscence project called Memories are made of this… where I visit care homes, day centres and community groups with older people. This has been an inspiration to my present work through the stories of childhood and play and because throughout our lives we have memories of places, people, objects and spaces that become such a strong part of our character. This is central to my artwork and each character - a dwelling place or an image of nature that is a symbol of what is precious to them.

I would love to look at ways of bringing my costume design skills into creating larger scale works that continue to explore the themes that are present in my current work. I also have an ambition to be a resident artist somewhere/somehow. Although I can be a bit of a hermit working away in my own wee world, it’s always interesting to go out into the world on occasion and chat to people and see their response to my work.

Gillian Lee Smith will be exhibiting Lustre at the Djanogly Gallery, 5-6 November gillianleesmith.com

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Write Lion

This issue we’ve been blessed with an extract from Shod by Mark ‘the Shoe Messiah’ Goodwin, winner of the East Midlands Book Award 2011. And just to make this hairy, lovable poet happy, we’ve decided to review two poetry collections as well - a first on this page. Also, we welcome sofa-surfing newcomer Matthew Spence to Write Lion, along with Jeremy Duffield from Nottingham Poetry Society and Di Slaney - our most recent guest poet at Shindig! Remember: for spoken word, contact poetry@leftlion.co.uk, for literature, books@leftlion.co.uk.

It’s not difficult, is it?

A City Campsite, Berlin

The Blacksmith

by Matthew Spence

Pecking Order

Extract from Shod

by Di Slaney

by Mark Goodwin

Yesterday, in a small park in Nottingham, I saw a man shoeing a hobby-horse.

Before, I was the one in charge, or at least allowed to think so.

None as fast, as smart, as large

... So, homelessly alone but strangely not lonely,

Leaves were falling with an early frost as he worked, bare to the waist, with a rubber hammer.

as me, prepared to tackle low yet aiming high, fixated on the prize.

But now the only thing to show

Afterwards, as the horse leaned against the bench, a bright expression in its painted eye, I watched the man darn an imaginary hole in an imaginary shirt, at his feet a bolt of silver cloth across the grass.

for glory days and chartless rise is thumping in my head.

In this new world of slipshod lies

by Jeremy Duffield

Then to show off Japhy started a wood fire and said “Here’s what we do up in that real country up North,” and dumped too much Kerosene into the fire but ran away from the stove and waited like a mischievous boy and broom! The stove let out a deep rumbling explosion way inside that I could feel the shock of clear across the room. He’d almost done it that time.

Then he said to her poor fiancé “well, you know any good positions for honeymoon night?”

From The Dharma Bums,

by Jack Kerouac The flat bit around the pool is drained, pegged to sand with tents.

Picks and boots trudge in past the gate clinks shut every minute or so.

It’s freezing right now, smoking Drum beating shouting city night, and we won’t sleep.

But you should see it in the morning about 7; the travellers trudging to piss their bodies sprawl twisted together, still shackled breathing barely clothed, happily lying in the grass, with enough sun to warm their naked backs, with their bags as pillows.

A crowd had gathered; some with cameras, some with notebooks, some with quizzical grins, and as the man darned the cameras clicked and flashed while the hobby-horse rested.

Later, returning as darkness was settling, all that remained was a long coat on a low branch, an imaginary shirt, a dispersed crowd, and hoof prints in silver.

1110: One Photograph One Story Ten Poems

Eireann Lorsung (Ed) Subscription (2 issues) £18.00 / £10 per issue This new international journal features one photograph, one short story and ten poems - hence the title - in a simple and beautifully-produced format which is published bi-annually in March and September. Designed and edited by Eireann Lorsung (who also runs Nottingham Poetry Series), great care has been taken to produce a magazine that, in their words, ‘showcases the work of writers and artists we admire with grace, simplicity and dignity, and introduces readers to something new’. Issue 1 (March 2011) included Shana Youngdahl and Laressa Dickey - familiar names from the ‘I Am An American Poet’ conference held in Nottingham last year - and the inventive, high-quality writing embraces multiple styles and worlds of experience. Issue 2 will be available from September, featuring Stephanie N Johnson, Sharon Bryan and George Szirtes. 1110 accepts submissions on a rolling basis throughout the year, with guidelines available on their website.

Aly Stoneman 111oh.com

and scrapping over crumbs, I’m dead if one more bashing comes my way.

I’m grateful just to sleep, be fed, stay safe to fight another day.

I’ll wait. No rush. I plan to have my say.

“Living in a large communal group termed a flock, a strict hierarchy exists to promote social harmony. There is a strict ‘pecking order’, with a dominant male and female having access to the best feeding and nesting areas ... the highest ranking bird will peck all those beneath her, while the lowest ranking bird is pecked by all”.

From Haynes Chicken Manual

by L Beeken

and honest as the day relates to the night, to begin my feet’s leathery journey, I put my best foot forward followed by my worst but equally loved, I put one foot in front of the other and then the other in front of that and kept

repeating this simple

repeating this simple

repeating this simple physical mantra. I trod on & on. I tramped around ground - green, brown, or grey, rural, urban, or rurban.

This just for the just sake of new secreted footwear and the great free need to spread The Good Shoes ...

The Truth About Celia Frost

Poems The Lord Smacked Into Me

Celia has spent her entire 14 years of existence suffering from a rare blood disorder. The slightest of cuts could prove fatal. But the book opens with a knife attack that shakes Celia’s isolated life to the core. Her mother, motivated by a dark secret, forces reluctant Celia on the run, and a private detective is hired to hunt them down. Celia, struggling to grow up, defies her obsessive mother and befriends an Ethiopian immigrant. Can the two of them solve the mystery of Celia’s past and escape the impending danger? This is a young adult thriller with a steady stream of twists. The characters are well drawn, convincing and appealing; the Frosts hide away in the council flats from Hell, a violent neighbourhood sharply evoked by Rawsthorne. The story is as much a coming-of-age as it is suspenseful. Celia’s faltering, painful journey to independence is beautifully captured, backing up the thrills with honesty and depth. Ian Douglas usborne.com

LeftLion contributor and Full Bacon Jacket author Tom Hathaway (aka the Shedfixman), spent the best part of the eighties drunk and wreaking havoc across the Nottingham music scene with his band The Chimneys. The expected musings about boozing are present, from the twelve-word Dutch ditty Alcoolism to the comparatively polite Just A Splash More, Mr Ashmore. There is evidence of Hathaway’s time as an ex-pat in The Homesick Leper and the uncharacteristically tender Every Road. The requisite amount of delighting in bad language in the likes of The Nicest Turd, Symbolic Shambollocks and The Fouling of St. Just. Like a vicar who has spent too much time alone with the communion wine, Hathaway is full of righteous - and sometimes incoherent - indignation. But when the words do register, they seem even more tender than ever - like on the beautifully rhythmic In The Event of My Untimely Death. Jared Wilson Available from amazon.co.uk

Paula Rawsthorne Usborne, £6.99

Tom Hathaway Lulu, £9.99

Katie Half-Price

“AYUP MEH DUCKS! Fost the Sunday Sport and nah the NOTW - wor is it with qualiteh Sunday papers? Meanwhile, a woman named after meh nana’s favourite tipple won the Orange Prize...”

Great House

The Tiger’s Wife

News of the World

Orange Prize shortlister Nicole Krauss is married ter Jonathan Safran Foer – which meks ‘em litracha’s version of the Beckhams (but wi’out the cash). Her first book, The History of Love, wor abaht a lost manuscript, and Nazis. This one is abaht a lost desk, and Nazis. So she’s gorrabaht as much imagination as Damien Hirst and a jar of formaldehyde. The novel is set across four cities, past and present, wi’ five narrators – most of whom are miserable gets, cuz of their link ter this desk. But really it’s abaht how we furnish memories to mek sense of us crappy lives. She harps on abaht the burden of inheritance, but at least she wor left summat.

When me mam popped ‘er clogs I wor left with her credit card bill! Wor I hate abaht books like this is they dun’t offer a simple resolution, so the reader has to do extra thinkin’ ta decide things owt for themsen. The title has obvious religious connotations, but my advice is turn ta yer filth rabbi instead: Babestation. This connects ppl together and yer guaranteed a happy endin’ LOL! penguin.com

This book won the Orange Prize, which must mean this twenty-five year old aufer has won unlimited text messages forever. Wor a wicked prize! But it’s a bit hard for meh ta tell yer worrit’s all abaht, cuz I’m not too sure mesen. It’s another one of them smart-arse books that’s all ovver the shop. There’s two main characters; the deathless man who can predict when folk are going to snuff it and likes drinking water (he in’t even bovered if it in’t bottled or fizzeh; he sometime drinks it aht the tap), and this girl in a village who shacks up wi’ a tiger (which just goes ter show yer how mingin’ all the men must be). It’s set ovver sixty year, during the various wars in Yugoslavia (more friggin’ Nazis, then) and is abaht how we embellish stories ter try and come to terms wi’ death, which, if ya ask meh, is no different ter them boy racers on our street who baz up their Nissan Micras ta mek out they’re loaded, wen we all know they wok at Lidl. Worrever helps ya sleep at night, though, in’t it? orionbooks.co.uk

After 168 years the Screws has finalleh folded, and it in’t cuz of digical media. It’s cuz some hacks tapped in some phones and read private messages. But let’s be honest here - who ant nicked their knock-off’s phone an’ read their txts before? How else do ya find out the lyin’ get has been nobbin’ yer half-sister in the bogs in Yates’? I just dun’t get why everyone’s acting all surprised.

Hello, how else do yer get the goss? Do ya think politician’s just ring yer up and say; “Ayup, I’m your local MP and I like suckin’ a prozzies toes?” Course not yer daft gets. Everyone is mekin’ aht it’s bad. But the implications for democraceh are massive - as massive as you know what, LOL! How else will we get ter read abaht the really important stuff in life, like fake sheiks, that Geordie famileh who had Tizer pumped through their water mains, and where all the evil paediatricians live. They think it’s all over, it is NOW. At least until the Sun on Sundeh. scabbyaussiemingebag.com

Nicole Krauss Penguin Viking, £8.99

Téa Obreht Weidenfeld & Nicolson, £12.99

Rupert Mudoch Newscorp, $7.6 billion

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LEFTLION LISTINGS August – September 2011

TICKETS ON-LION

Buying tickets for events in Notts? From the latest DJs at Stealth to the latest bands at venues like Spanky Van Dykes and The Rescue Rooms, you can get them all through our website, at no extra cost. Even better, thanks to our partnership with gigantic.com, every time you buy one through us some of the funds will go towards LeftLion and a bit more goes to those nice folks at Oxfam.

leftlion.co.uk/tickets

featured listings...

BACK TO MINE

Headstock is a three-day music festival that takes place at the Newstead & Annesley Country Park, but if you think it’s another opportunity to listen to landfill indie whilst being bombarded with mobile phone adverts, think again; this event is geared towards getting an ex-mining community back on its feet and turning it back into a self-sustainable community.

Headstock MD Mick Leivers tells us about this prime example of Notts folk mekkin’ their own entertainment…

Bigger and bolder than ever before, the annual celebration of being able to fancy whoever you like runs from the Forest to the Square and back again. New features include a comedy tent, an acoustic stage, a family area and a youth tent – with the likes of Fat Digester, Nina Smith, Gallery 47. Captain Dangerous, Ruth Lorenzo and Booty Luv playing in the evening, hosted by someone off The Only Way Is Essex.

The Forest Recreational Ground, Saturday July 30, all day nottinghamshirepride.co.uk

Nottingham’s Riverside Festival runs from Friday 5 to Sunday 7 August. As well as more stalls, fairground rides and family activities than you can throw a small child at, there will be nuff local bands is a fair old smattering of Notts bands and musicians on offer too. Hhymn will be there as part of their tour of festivals, Manière des Bohémiens will be bringing their brand of fiddly-folky-gypsy roots, Seven Little Sisters will offer up bluegrass, Cajun, Irish and in-yer-face punk, whilst the Mat Andasun Band have a distinctly more latin flavour.

Future Sound of Nottingham semi-finalists MuHa will showcasing their Eastern European rootsy sound, Pesky Alligators are a triumph of powerpop and Wholesome Fish are one of the founding fathers of the local folk scene.

This year also sees Nottingham Mela incorporated into the festival for the first time, with Transglobal Underground and Desi Masti taking the stage. There’s also a Dragon Boat challenge and - obviously - a massive fireworks display at 10.30pm on the Saturday.

Victoria Embankment, Friday 5 - Sunday 7 August nottinghamcity.gov.uk/riverside

CHECK OUR WEBSITE

No, really, you must - it’s all new and optimised to within an inch of its life. For starters, that day’s listings are right on the front page, there’s an all-new Directory section that features the goings-on of every venue in town, and if you need to add your events to our site (and you should), it’s easier than ever before. Go on, have a fiddle. You know you want to... leftlion.co.uk/listings

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How did this all start?

About twelve years ago a fellow community officer and I started Newstead Treefest. We were both interested in trying to engage people and creating a sense of community, and music is a really good way of trying to do that. We both came from a free festival background and wanted to create something with a free festival atmosphere, but one that would bring in the wider community rather than the usual suspects. So along with the music stage and dance tents, we also had big workshop areas for local groups like the WI – the day was about people getting involved and at night it was a music event. People bought into the idea and wanted to be a part of it; bands and sound systems came along for nothing and local people got involved as it became a source of pride. After ten years, virtually everyone in the village was going to it. Headstock came out of that.

How did you raise the money at first?

We were quite good at grant applications. Also, I did a lot of landscaping jobs with young people, and they donated the money we made. We hope next year to go back to do another Treefest; we’ll do Headstock as the bigger paying event with national attractions, and Treefest in May as a more local underground festival.

How involved in Headstock is the local community?

What we try to do is to help people learn, develop self-confidence and to move on and set up things themselves. We’ve got a committee of thirty five people, and about twenty are locals. The teenagers in the village have always been involved; they’re in charge of putting up the marquees, emptying the bins, maintaining the site. There’s are a few people who have come in the past and gone; ‘There are a lot of chavvy-looking lads around.’

Well, that’s how they dress, and they put this festival on for you, so respect them.

How do you decided the music policy and book the acts?

We look at who’s been coming to the festival, and who we want to put on. We try to get a good spread of music and involve as many bands as we can. Last year we made the mistake of bringing in people who run another event professionally, and it was a clash of cultures. We should have realised that we have the confidence and ability to run the event ourselves. As it was a paying event, we kidded ourselves that it need to be more ‘professional’, but we actually do a pretty good job. Quite a few of us have worked at other festivals just to gain experience.

What do you do during the festival?

Mainly walk around making sure that things aren’t getting out of hand. Behind the scenes there will be twelve of us managing the site on the day.

Do you have a festival survival kit?

Yes, the back of my Land Rover for napping. You’ve also got to make sure that you are eating well and drinking enough water throughout the weekend.

What’s the future of Headstock?

Because we have a big site, we’d like to become something like Shambala or Secret Garden Party eventually, but it’ll be a slow process - unless we sell out to a big sponsor. We’d like it to be known as much for the art, street theatre and performance as the music.

Help out us townies: is the name ‘Headstock’ a mining thing?

Yes, the headstocks were the winding wheels. It just came about because someone dropped it out at a meeting and we all agreed it was a good name. We’re actually going to dress up the BBC Introducing… stage as a Miners Welfare this year.

Headstock Festival, Newstead & Annesley Country Park, Nottinghamshire, 9-11 September headstockfestival.com

music event listings...

Monday 01/08

Friday 05/08

Acoustickle presents…

The Maze £3, 7pm Fun Of The Pier, Jake Buckley, Matt Humphries, Finlay Shaun Thorpe and Richard Snow

Wonky Wax Headz Moog Free, 9:30pm - 2.30am

Tuesday 02/08 Notts In A Nutshell presents…

The Maze £3, 7:30pm Arst and Crafts, Magic Mountain, Paradise Killers and Laceration Of Fate Old Nick Trading Co Blues Jam The Lion Inn Nightworks The Hand and Heart Let Me Die A Young Man’s Death Spanky Van Dykes Free, 8pm - 12am

Thursday 04/08 The Dogbones, The Smears and Plaque of Ares The Maze £4 / £5, 8pm Roy Stone The Maze

for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

IT’S A FRINGE BINGE

Glee capitalises on the post-Edinburgh bonanza this Autumn It’s August, and it seems like the entire world of comedy has decamped to Edinburgh for a month in order to be gawped at by some uncomprehending American tourists in bad shorts and the usual London media arseholes. Fear not, as they’ll be coming back down South very shortly, and a lot of them will be trotting out their bullet-proofed, triple-tested, sharp-as-a-tack routines at the Glee Club this Autumn.

Solstice The Old Angel £5, 8pm The Money Southbank Bar

For starters, legendary Irish comic Tommy Tiernan will be performing on Thursday 13 October with his new show, Poot. Described as an Irish Billy Connolly, he believes very strongly that no subject is out of bounds for comedy, and consequently his shows are not for the easily offended. Meanwhile Greg Davies (Mr. Gilbert in The Inbetweeners and a stalwart of comedy panel shows) will be pitching up on Thursday 8 December with his first solo stand-up show, Firing Cheeseballs At A Dog, which was nominated for an award at last year’s Fringe. The show is full of weird and hilarious anecdotes from Davies’ youth and his career as a teacher, including said occasion when he tried to move a recalcitrant pooch with the aforementioned corn-based comestibles.

Notts Collective Presents...

The Maze £3, 9pm Girls Go Free Stealth £4, 10pm

Howard Marks, the UK’s most amiable drug overlord, has turned his autobiography Mr. Nice, into a comedy show.

His story is incredible, taking him from a small Welsh mining village to a nuclear physics course at Oxford University to becoming ‘the most sophisticated drugs baron of all time’ (Daily Mail) to a stint in an American penitentiary, before settling down to a life of musician-cum-legalisation campaigner-cum-performance artist. Hear his amazing story on Wednesday 28 September.

Farmyard Records Presents...

Jamcafé Free, 8pm Timothy J Simpson and the Monsterous Dread Tims, The Listeners and Damp Magic Cult Fridays Spanky Van Dykes Free, 9pm - 1am

Saturday 06/08 Acoustickle Bodega Summer Basheroo The Bodega £4, 8pm

There’s also a chance to hear Craig Campbell and his whimsical traveller’s tales on Wednesday 19 October, followed the next day by the clever observational comedy of Seann Walsh. An unmissable gem comes in the form of Paul Foot on Sunday 23 October - not the deceased left-wing journalist but an original and surreal comedian who deserves far more attention than he currently receives. And don’t forget the stream of musical entertainment that Glee is renowned for; check the website for full details glee.co.uk

Saturday 06/08

Monday 08/08

Friday 12/08

Devils Advocate The Robin Hood Free, 9pm - 1am

Notts In A Nutshell presents…

The Maze £3, 7:30pm

Jono Jamcafé

Shake and Bake Jamcafé

A Day Overdue and The Famous Class Rock City £6, 6.30pm

D-Reflection and Trancemicsoul Moog £3 / £5, 7pm - 3am

Open Mic Night The Lion Inn

Kreepers The Old Angel £12, 8:30pm

Jason Hart The Approach

DJ Pablo The Malt Cross

Sunday 07/08

Sounds on the Verge of Folk The Hand and Heart 8:30pm - 12am

Sticky Morales Southbank Bar

The Acme Jazz Band Deux Free, 7:30pm - 9pm

Lust for Life Spanky Van Dykes Free, 9pm - 1am

That Sunday Feeling Rock City £5, 7pm Cornish Rob’s Birthday Bash The Johnson Arms

The Small Disco Spanky Van Dykes Free, 9pm - 2am Charles Washington Quintet Cafe Bar Contemporary Free, 8pm

Mofo Promo Presents The Maze £2.50 / £3, 2pm Cult Fridays Spanky Van Dykes

THE THURLAND HALL It’s not for meatheads and prostitutes anymore Not so long ago, when people in Nottingham gathered together to talk of horrible pubs, the Thurland Hall – like cold sores in January – was never far from the lips. The kind of place that what it lacked in ambiance it more than made up for in ambulance. The type of venue that held pub quizzes where the first question was always; ‘Do yer want pannin’?’ The sort of pub that you looked at and thought; “God, that building is so nice. If only someone would do it up and- oh my God, someone’s with their postcode on the neck is looking through the window at us! Leg it!”

Well, somebody did just that. The Old Angel Pub Company – owners of the Old Angel, for the thicker readers out there – have teamed up with Enterprise Inns and English Heritage to give the place a £300,000 facelift, and restored the place to its former glory, when it was part of a massive hotel owned by a Tory MP – one that can trace its roots all the way back to a time where King Charles I used to crash there when he was in town, and not being decapitated.

Boasting the only open fire amongst city centre publand, the refurb job goes all the way up to the ceiling and beyond; the upstairs has transformed itself into a beautiful dining area that can handle everything from canapé receptions to full sit-down dinners to a good old knees-up. The menu goes far beyond the knuckle sandwich of yore, too; the kitchen is now run by Gilly (formerly of the Queen Adelaide in Sneinton and the Johnsons Arms in Lenton) with a focus on freshly-made food; there’s an ever-rotating selection of daily specials and a cornucopia of wraps, salads and vegetarian/vegan dishes, and a beer selection that takes in local ales from the one and only Castle Rock.

We’ve already been in – on a Saturday night, no less – and were taken aback by the décor (it’s lovely – a modern twist on the ornate Victorian pub) the clientele (it’s definitely being favoured by the ladies-who-lunch crowd), and the fact that our heads remained unstoven. Give it a chance and you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

The Thurland Hall. 8 Thurland Street, NG1 3DR

Tuesday 09/08 Tempo Moog Lust for Life Spanky Van Dykes Free, 9pm - 1am

Wednesday 10/08 Vignette The Bodega £3, 7pm Notts In A Nutshell presents…

The Maze £3, 7:30pm

Thursday 11/08 Daylight Robbery Southbank Bar DIY Poets Present...

The Maze £2, 8pm ASSS The Chameleon Cafe Bar Organik Trio +1 The Hand and Heart

Friday 12/08 Wasteland The Old Angel £5, 8pm Urban Vision The Maze £3 / £4, 9pm Blake, DK, Joyce, Kingpin and L$D Hidden Orchestra and Neon Jung Live Rock City £8, 12pm – 4pm

Friday 12/08 Basslaced Stealth £8, 10pm Hatcha and Crazy D, Jakes, Gemini, Dismantle and more tbc.

Free The Robots, Neon Jung, The Hidden Orchestra Nottingham Contemporary £10, 7.30pm

Saturday 13/08 DJ Rick Donohue The Malt Cross PSYCLE The Maze Strike Team Rock City £2, 9pm Fabulous Hoochie Coochie Club Spanky Van Dykes £10, 9pm - 3am The Last Pedestrians Cafe Bar Contemporary Free, 8pm

Sunday 14/08 UK Underground Collective The Maze Bone Empire, Garton, Crisis, Lacky C, Twister and Amai Skeletonwitch Rock City £9, 7.30pm Divorce / Guilty Parents / Diet Pills The Chameleon Cafe Bar £3, 8pm

Monday 15/08 Brontide The Bodega £5, 7pm Second Glace Promotions Presents The Maze Hey! Alaska, Who’s Driving?

Bear’s Driving!, Violet, Nitrox, Your Weapons Are Useless and Rules of Romance

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music event listings...

Tuesday 16/08

Maniere des Bohemiens The Hand and Heart Let Me Die A Young Man’s Death Spanky Van Dykes Free, 8pm - 12am

Wednesday 17/08

Kappa Gamma The Bodega £3, 7pm

Alright the Captain The Chameleon Cafe Bar

Thursday 18/08

Kris Ward Southbank Bar

Origins The Maze Plus Day Of Unrest, Devil Down, Our Shattered Skies and Becoming Apollo.

Take the A-Tram The Hand and Heart

Lust for Life Spanky Van Dykes Free, 9pm - 1am

Friday 19/08

Fresh Produce The Maze

Up-C Down-C Left-C Right-C ABC + Start The Chameleon Cafe Bar Plus Junior Fencing Club and Apparatus of Sleep.

Farmyard Records Presents...

Jamcafé

Origamibiro Nottingham Contemporary Cult Fridays Spanky Van Dykes Free, 9pm - 1am

Saturday 20/08

DJ Fluff The Malt Cross

Blue Yonder The Robin Hood Free, 9pm

Yeah I’ll Play It Later Spanky Van Dykes Free, 8pm - 2am

Maniere des Bohemiens Cafe Bar Contemporary

Monday 22/08

Dolly Parton Nottingham Arena £50 - £67.50, 8pm

Tuesday 23/08

Teenage Bottlerocket Rock City £8, 7.30pm Me and Mr Jones The Hand and Heart

Wednesday 24/08

Apache Rose The Bodega £3, 7pm

Mofo Promo Presents The Maze In Search of Sunrise, Sulu Babylon, Halloe Away, Iyus, Our Famous Dead and Rise Above.

Thursday 25/08

Baron Lewis Duo Southbank Bar

Notts In A Nutshell presents…

The Maze £3, 7:30pm

Friday 26/08

Revolution Sounds Present The Maze Leftover Crack, Chewing On Tinfoil and Firing Blanks.

for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

NATTY HEADSTOCK

The Alley Café and the Highness Sound System prepare to nice up Newstead Festival season is still going strong, and the Alley Café – that vegetarian bistro of no little repute – is getting ready to pack its tent and represent at Headstock this year (and if you don’t know what that is, have the pages stuck together in this mag? Go back to page 22, sucky youth).

If you’re now worried about the threat of your view of Echo and the Bunnymen or Harleighblu being blocked by an entire café-bar dancing like a mentalist, fret not – they’re actually running the bars at Headstock, and what a pair of bars they promise to be. The first one – which will sit next to the BBC Introducing… stage, will be modelled on your traditional Miner’s Welfare décor. The second, which will be more in keeping with the typical festival vibe, will be run by the mighty Highness Sound System.

Naturally, to celebrate this rare weekend out for your favourite veggieterranean outlet, they’ll be throwing a Headstock pre-launch party on the Bank Holiday Sunday in August, giving you the chance to see some of the local bands and DJs that will be performing at the Festival. So far Aistaguca, Mark Nichols, Anna Haigh, and Alberteen have confirmed (with more to follow) with DJs from Highness and Muzika! periodically placing flat circles of vinyl onto a turntable, and then lowering a needle on the outer edges of them.

Because they’re such nice people, the Alley Café are keen to give us townie sorts the opportunity to experience that festival vibe before they go. No, they’re not going to leave dead Tory MPs in the toilets; rather, they’ll be serving the specially-prepared cocktails that will be available at the festival, like the Headstocker. Not only that, but they’ve also got a pair of Headstock tickets to give away in a special competition; get over to Facebook, sign up to the ‘Headstock Launch Party’ group, and you’ll be automatically entered in a competition to win two tix, a tent, a free camping spot and a case of beer. Make sure you’re over eighteen though, or we’re telling your Dad on yer.

Headstock pre-launch party Sunday August 28, the Alley Café. Cannon Court, Smithy Row, NG1 6JE. 5pm – late, £4 entry alleycafe.co.uk

Friday 26/08

Saturday 27/08

Saturday 03/09

DJ Joff The Malt Cross

Make Do And Mend The Rescue Rooms £6, 7pm

Blues Jam Jamcafé

DJ Mr Shotta The Malt Cross

Sunday 28/08

Sunday 04/09

Transmission The Cookie Club £2 - £5, 10:30pm - 2am

Cult Fridays Spanky Van Dykes Free, 9pm - 1am

Saturday 27/08

Ancient Ascendent The Old Angel £5, 7:30pm

DJ Ripe The Malt Cross

Soultown Six The Robin Hood Free, 9pm

BRING YOUR DAUGHTER TO THE WATER The Waterfront Festival: forty bands and artists deep Saturday 20 August sees the return of The Waterfront Festival, and we cannot bleddy wait. The formula is simple; take one sizably mint pub (in this case, the Canalhouse). Divide into three stages. Populate said stages with forty of Nottingham’s premier live acts. Shake liberally.

Uncork one hell of a party.

Put together by a collective consisting of I’m Not From London, Audacious Face Music, The Maze and RG Arts – who have more toppermost bands in Nottingham in their phonebooks than Rebekah Brooks has dead kids’ parents in hers - The Waterfront Festival is one of the absolute pinnacles of the local gig-going calendar, and a vital barometer as to the state of play in the world of NottsRock. Obviously, this isn’t going to be a mingy showcase; kicking off at midday, it goes straight through to the early hours of the next morning; that’s over twelve hours of amazing Nottingham music, for a mere fiver.

It’s a bit of a cliché, we know, but there really is something for everyone; the line-up takes in and spits out the full spectrum of NG musicianship, from tinnitus inducing noise-rock (Baby Godzilla, The Wickets, etc) to balls-out dance-machines (Royal Gala, Rebel Soul Collective, etc). Meanwhile, Pilgrim Fathers will be channelling their inner Sabbath and casting their pomp metal spell over the canal, whilst the sultry and sassy sounds of Harleighblu and Nina Smith will see them crowned as the day’s indisputable soul sisters.

If you think that’s it, you are gravely mistaken; DJ sets from Kev Kahlua, Beatmasta Bill and Adam Pickering will kick things up yet another notch, whilst the good people of MUZIKA with be supplying lighting and decor to jazz the place up. The festival rammed the place out last year, with well over 1,300 people in attendance, all of whom and raised some serious cash for P.A.S.I.C (Parents Association of Seriously Ill Children). Obviously, this is going to happen again this year, so if you don’t want to be that prat be left outside (when there’s even a barge inside), you’d better step lively in the direction of the Canalhouse or The Maze (or the website) and lay your money down sharpish.

The Waterfront Festival, The Canalhouse, 48-52 Canal Street, NG1 7EH, Saturday 20 August, noon-midnight. tinyurl.com/waterfrontnotts

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leftlion.couk/issue42

Headstock Pre-Launch Party Alley Café £4, 5pm - late Soul Buggin’ Bank Holiday Moog £3 / £5, 4pm-3am

Open Mic Night Deux

Audacious Face Presents The Maze £3.50, 8pm

Capiche Spanky Van Dykes £2 / £4, 8pm - 4am

Wednesday 31/08

Break The Silence Presents The Maze £3.50, 7:30pm

Thursday 01/09

Notts In A Nutshell presents…

The Maze £3, 7:30pm

Po’Girl The Glee Club £12, 6.45pm

Friday 02/09

The Stop, Drop, Rock Tour Rock City £5, 6pm

Saturday 03/09

Sophie Barker The Bodega £8, 7pm

Back To Basics The Maze £4, 10pm

Damaged Stock 2011 - Charity Metal All Dayer Rock City £5, 2pm

Dr Comfort and The Lurid Revelations Southbank Bar

Macmillan Fest 2011 The Maze £6, 1pm

Monday 05/09

Treefight For Sunlight The Bodega £6, 8pm

Notts In A Nutshell presents…

The Maze £3, 8pm

Tuesday 06/09

One Sixth of Tommy The Malt Cross

Ron Sexsmith The Rescue Rooms £20, 7.30pm

Wednesday 07/09

Ocean Bottom Nightmare The Maze Plus Legacies, Arsonists, The Inside Is Live and LECARLA.

Thursday 08/09

Spycatcher Rock City £3, 10pm

Old Nick Trading Co Blues Jam The Lion Inn

John Grant The Glee Club £16, 7.30pm

Friday 09/09

Kiss Corona Rock City £6, 6pm

Big Deal The Rescue Rooms £6, 7pm

Rather listen to the tunes on this page than read about ‘em? Better wrap your tabs round Sound Of The Lion, our dedicated music podcast, available at leftlion.co.uk/SOTL. If you want your own tunes reviewed and you’re from Notts, hit up leftlion.co.uk/sendusmusic Navajo Youth

The Realist’s Enchantment with the Affectations of Affection EP (Self Release) Whilst the charts might have been filled with talented female electropop singer songwriters in recent times – Ellie Goulding, La Roux, Little Boots et al – the fellas haven’t had much of a look in. Well, based on the debut EP from local singer songwriter Navajo Youth, that could be about to change. Combining great vocals, lyrical storytelling and some superb arrangements, this is an extremely promising debut.

Sounding somewhere between Frankmusik, Scissor Sisters and Erasure, it’s clear that there is more to Navajo Youth than strange North American Indian imagery and an overpretentious EP title. Breeze is a great pop single whilst closing song Mixtape tells a tale familiar to every gauche teenager (“I’m not that good with words/so I made you a mixtape”).

There’s plenty of high energy pop here – opener Mystery is a fast paced disco stomper – Navajo Youth is at his best when he relies more on his melodies and stories. Stars and Little Heart are superb mid-paced chillout songs. With a maturity belying his tender years, these two songs alone are proof that there is a real talent at work here. The title may sound like it should be a seventies prog-rock epic, but don’t let it put you off. If you like high quality, well-crafted pop music, Navajo Youth is certainly one to watch. Nick Parkhouse Available online navajoyouth.co.uk

Gallery 47

Fate Is The Law Album (Farmyard Records) Gallery 47 is the alter ego of Jack Peachey, who wrote these songs while studying English at Nottingham University. Newly graduated, Jack is already gaining some distance on his compositions, recognising them as the work of a young man in varying stages of emotional turmoil. They are “a lot more about feeling a particular way at a certain time”, he explains, rather than being “about finding or explaining something which is ‘right’ or ‘true’ about life or society”.

Instead, the material has been ordered “precisely to show how wrong I’ve been at certain moments; call it delusion or naivety, or just being young.” A case in point is House At The End Of The Road, written whilst wrapped up in the aftermath of “a particularly horrible break-up”, he failed to spot a nearby short-stay home for child cancer patients. The guilt rears up again in Critic, which traces the singer’s confused reactions to a city centre beggar. Wary of being pinned to specific interpretations, Peachey keeps some of his lyrical meanings private and hidden. Coupled with the austerity of his production – for this is essentially a solo acoustic album, lightly augmented with occasional overdubs – this can present certain challenges for the listener. On the other hand, there is nothing but pleasure to be mined from Jack’s sweetly piercing vocals, and the dextrous fluidity of his playing. Mike Atkinson Available online gallery47official.com

Kirk Spencer

Enter the Void EP (Quantum Physics) Searching the web for “Enter the Void” will either bring up Gaspar Noe’s hallucinogenic 2009 movie or Kirk Spencer’s new EP. Definitely choose the latter. While the film leaves a slightly nauseating feeling, the young Nottingham producer’s Indian-inspired, instrumental EP has a pleasing aftertaste of modern dubstep mixed with that classic sound of the subcontinent. Influenced by acts like Chase and Status, Kirk references similar bass-y Indian territory, but leaves the Nero-style vocal tracks by the wayside. Flying Through India, Hota Hai and Phantom - the standout tunes - smack of journeying through exotic spice markets, with their hot blend of tabla, Bollywood-like samples and an ounce of added bassline. So authentic is that feeling that the BBC Asian Network, as well as Radio 1 and 1Xtra, have been peppering their playlists with a bit of Kirk. The EP takes a different turn with It Don’t Mean a Thing, an Irving Mills-sampling, out and out guitar and breaks party banger, but this is just testament to Kirk’s wide range of abilities as a live and session guitarist. Raah’s sweet little blips, excellent as they are, are at odds with the more affronting bass and guitars that precede it. This EP works best as an electronic and energetic taste of the Orient, to be enjoyed with a hot cup of chai and a manic head nod. Shariff Ibrahim Available online kirkspencer.tumblr.com

Jody Betts

Fixit Kid

A veteran of many local bands including Royal Gala, Jimmy the Squirrel and Hey Zeus, local lad Jody Betts has certainly served his apprenticeship on the local music scene. Somewhat remarkably, this EP marks the first time that Betts has recorded and released any of his own material. There may only be three songs, but such is the quality that it is surely only a matter of time until we will be hearing more. Betts is a singer-songwriter in the classic style, and the songs here are very simple: the voice accompanied by nothing much more than a simple acoustic guitar, together with the odd backing vocal and occasional keyboard flourish; it is sparse, but it works. The track Circles in particular is beautiful meditation on the existence of God and of love. It is a naggingly addictive song too, with an effective melody that seems to have taken up residence inside my head as my earworm of choice. As a singer, Betts is no Jeff Buckley, but his voice is warm and encouraging and his lyrics are thoughtful. The two other songs, Let Me In and Scissors, aren’t quite in the same class as Circles, but they are still more than good enough to show that this is one local artist worth keeping an ear out for. Tim Sorrell Available online and at gigs soundcloud.com/jodybettsmusic

Fixit Kid first got together in 2000, but after two albums, a few sessions and numerous line-up changes, it seemed as though things were never quite going to happen for them. They’re back though and Fixit Kid today are probably as noisy and in-your-face as they ever were, but there is a real sense of purpose and intent about these songs. When opening track Release the Dogs really kicks in after a deceptively gentle intro, it is clear that this band mean business. The band cites influences from a cross-section of classic rock bands like Sabbath and Maiden as well as noiseniks like the Jesus & Mary Chain and Sonic Youth. Both sets of influences are apparent with the end result being hardcore punk with a distinctly metallic edge.

Too many bands in this genre sound as though they’re fronted by an angry town crier, but here the screaming has both fury and a purpose, as singer Mat spits out his black tales of horror, murder, perversion and violence. It’s hard to pick out a standout track, as the album works well as an intense 35-minute hit. Special mention should however be given to Dredge the Lake. Perhaps that (brilliant) title is a deliberate Elvis Costello reference, but the song’s ominous bass line, screaming guitar and anguished vocals soon leave the ghost of Watching the Detectives far behind. Tim Sorrell Available online myspace.com/fixitkid

Circles EP (Self Release)

Three Album (Fight Me)

Lois

Velvet Mornings EP (Self Release) It’s been a long time since I’ve heard a band hit the rich vein that lies between vintage and contemporary as deftly as Lois do their first EP. Opening track Monkey Girl could have been Supergrass’ debut single had they worshipped at the altar of vintage tone. Selby’s Lennonesque voice and the rolling drums are spot on, with perfectly satisfying production from Grammy-winner Guy Massey of Beatles/Manics fame. Massey was clearly the perfect choice to bring out the punchy sixties time-capsule groove of singer Johnny Selby’s lead song, and the partnership has produced a great sound - you could get lost in this vintage crunch for days. Pay attention - this is how you make a single.

Another highlight is title track Velvet Mornings. Full of suitably esoteric imagery, it’s a mature piece of song writing. Tremolo guitar and subtle organs mix dreamily with soft bossa nova drums and groovy bass lines, then fall into another beautifully delivered chorus that you’ll be singing without realising for weeks; it’s pure ambrosia and another potential hit. Walking the line between sounds old and new is very difficult to get right, but here Lois nail it with a swagger and a raft of great tunes. It works because Lois really mean it: it’s not retrospective, it’s vintage, and very tasty vintage it is too.

Darren Howard Available online loistheband.com

Alana

Doom Wop EP (Self Release) Formed as a studio-based project by members of local favourites Amusement Parks on Fire, Swimming and We Show up on Radar, Alana have presented us with a dark and poignant EP as their debut offering.

The four track collection opens with a gentle, strummed cover of A Taste of Honey’s 1981 classic Sukiyaki - itself an adaptation of Kyu Sakamoto’s original Ue o Muite Arukō, which literally translates as ‘I Shall Walk Looking Up’ - a positive message juxtaposed by the achingly haunting manner in which it is delivered here by vocalist Mami Kim. The song is accompanied by a touching animated video, in which an edamame bean sings along as it makes its way through empty streets. The band are donating all proceeds from sales of Sukiyaki and Doom Wop EP to the Japanese Red Cross Tsunami Appeal, a still very much worthy and relevant cause.

Doom Wop is an almost perfect onomatopoeic description of the band’s style of harmony-filled, majestic dirge. Slow - and slower still - are the drifting arrangements, with tracks such as Another Birthday and Dusk from the Island layering distant piano phrases and reverb-laden harmonies into gentle-yetunnerving ambient arrangements. The doom really hits home with closing track Skulls on the Market Square, a threatening plod of almost dissonant, Link Wray-esque guitar chords and bleak imagery. Fascinating stuff. Tom Quickfall Available online alanamusic.bandcamp.com

Medium Death Kick 100 Hand Slap Album (Self Release)

A collaboration between Andy Gibson and Siobhan Lynch along with drummer Lee Woodyer, this album bleeps, beeps and spews its dirge all over you. The result is incredibly dynamic, organic laptop driven music mixed with idiosyncratic, haunting peculiarity and supernatural tension. Lynch’s vocals/story tellings are a splicing of the indelible flat-lining of Karin Dreijer Andersson (The Knife’s vocalist) and the distinct charisma of Stevie Nicks. Detach is a highlight; dynamic, fast paced and throwing everything at the wall in the name of gothic beauty, murmuring “unless you’re blind, and you don’t see.” A note to its audience perhaps? Biabbi bleeps and rolls better than Crystal Castles, Do the Right Thing is Trent Reznor on the piano -not literallywith swirling synths that make you feel like you’ve landed in a 16-bit digital utopia, and Say It’s Your Money is Fever Ray but even spookier with those vocals making you want to melt into your own nightmare. Listening to the album chronologically, the tracks seem to affect each other and get more and more moodier. Let’s be clear, this album’s a huge piece of work; melody where there shouldn’t be melody and rhythm where you can’t but help but nod your head in accordance. The prospect of seeing this band live is pant-wettingly exciting as dynamically they’re virtuosic, and musically they’re just down right freaky. Ashley Clivery Available online myspace.com/mediumdeathkick

Red Shoe Diaries

When I Find My Heart EP (Fika Recordings) Red Shoe Diaries latest EP confirms their ranking as one of the best local indie bands and it’s one they should be proud of. When I Find My Heart is a concept EP about heartache; with lyrics full of haunting memories and uplifting melodies that will charm any Belle and Sebastian fan.

This is not a one dimensional listen, though. The fifties style guitar grabs the listener instantly on the opening track with angular solos that dissolve much of the saccharine. Frontman Thomas William pours his heart out in a soft, fragile voice with harmonising vocals from Leanne Narewski - her sweet vocals are best demonstrated on Ice and Snow and certainly add depth to the songs. Bursts of various and unexpected sounds add texture, such as the wooing and clapping in Snow Bird, the brass instruments in The Love That You Read About, and the piano outro in Ice and Snow. Essentially, the EP is about love not being what you thought it was and it’s almost like the female-male duo are telling both sides of the story. With lyrics such as, “We had too much fear and loathing for just the two of us”, we are given a peek into the heartbreak of two people without knowing what happens next. The music will make you feel good and the lyrics will open your heart. Kristi Genovese Available online myspace.com/redshoediariesmusic leftlion.couk/issue42

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music event listings...

Friday 09/09

Martin Carthy and Dave Swarbrick The Glee Club £14, 6.45pm

“Are You Cumming?”

Spanky Van Dykes £5 adv, 8pm - 11:30pm

Cult Fridays Spanky Van Dykes Free, 9pm - 1am

Headstock Festival The Newstead and Annesley Country Park From £50 Runs until: 11/09

Saturday 10/09

Shonen Knife The Bodega £10, 7pm

English Dogs The Old Angel

DJ Rick Donohue The Malt Cross PSYCLE The Maze Annabelle Chvostek The Glee Club £10, 6.45pm

Shades of Blue The Robin Hood Free, 9pm

Sunday 11/09

Daylight Robbery Southbank Bar

Southern Tenant Folk Union The Maze £12, 7.30pm

Monday 12/09

Slow Club The Bodega £10, 7pm

Monday 12/09

Shout Out! Presents The Maze £4, 7pm

Tuesday 13/09

Ivan Campo The Malt Cross

Miles Hunt and Erica Nockalls The Glee Club £10, 7.30pm

Maniere des Bohemiens The Hand and Heart

Wednesday 14/09

Dry The River The Bodega £7, 7pm

Laura Stevenson and The Cans The Maze £5, 7:30pm Plus Emily And The Martens, Tokyo Green, Union Station Massacre, Shankland and Jody Betts.

Thursday 15/09

Gary Numan - Dead Son Rising Tour Rock City £25, 6.30pm

Friday 16/09

BLAST OFF! Festival Weekender 2011 Spanky Van Dykes £16 / £48 Runs until: 18/9

Saturday 17/09

Garveysk8 Marcus Garvey Ballroom £10, 12pm - 4am

Smokescreen Soundsystem Presents The Maze £5, 10pm

IN POD WE TRUST

for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

DOLEMITE DOES DAYBROOK A night of pure Nottsploitation at Spanky’s

Indomitable promoters I’m Not From London and fearlessly forward Violent Movie Association proudly present White Dolemite’s Are You Cumming? A team-up to end all team-ups, they’re bringing Nottingham an X-rated night not suitable for the easily offended. Expect your aural and visual senses to be sent into overdrive with an endless barrage of bands, beats and blaxploitation.

The night’s features include Pleased To Tease You, Nottingham’s premiere dance troupe, who promise to delight, amaze and thrill you (think Pan’s People, but choreographed

by Russ Meyer). Hot Japanese Girl – a garage band with no regard for your eardrums or your personal space - will be in attandance, along with Dick Venom And The Terrortones, purveyors of rock and roll leather-clad sleaze with an unhealthy love of all bodily fluids. Clay Davis, a funked-up and souled-out DJ guarantees to keep the dancefloor locked and loaded, while Mr Benny Ramone will be your master of ceremonies. Special guest appearances will be in the sensuous form of White Dolemite co-stars, including Kimmy Rose Gardner, Hanako Beeson, Natnat Hales and Victoria Amao.

The brainchild of Video Mat, this will be a night reviving the sleazy, sultry seventies through the imagery of forgotten movie icon, White Dolemite - The ‘X’ Rated Man. A star of the ‘Whitexploitation’ movement, he’s a selfstyled gentleman, singer, professional singer and truly ‘X’ rated man. The night is in honour of the man himself and the upcoming White Dolemite movie poster and artwork exhibition, with the chance to win some exclusive White Dolemite merchandise in the evening’s raffle. Apparently, even the tickets themselves are a bit special. All will become clear in the haze of the night. And for the cooler cats in the litter tray, details of a secret afterparty will be revealed on the night. Bottom line: expect the unexpected. With a healthy dollop of confusion thrown in...

Are You Cumming?, Friday 9 September. 8pm – late, Spanky Van Dykes, 17 Goldsmith Street, NG1 5JT. Tickets £5 facebook.com/videomat

Saturday 17/09 Higher on Maiden and Blizzard of Ozz Rock City £10, 6.30pm

Tesseract The Rescue Rooms £9, 6.30pm Plus Chimp Spanner and Uneven Structure.

Sunday 18/09

Open Mic Night Deux

Jody Has a Hit List Rock City £6, 7pm Plus LYU and Adelaide.

Emmy The Great The Glee Club £12.50, 7.30pm

Monday 19/09

Morning Parade The Rescue Rooms £7.50, 7pm interview: Shariff Ibrahim photo: Dom Henry

Poddingham is been LeftLion’s dedicated magazine podcast for the past three years, teaming blinding new music with reportage, interviews, and general Notts-related banter, and the man responsible for it is Paul Abbott. Come and say hello to him…

How do you put together ideas for Poddingham?

It’s about whatever’s going on, who’s playing and whatever vibes I can pick up from local promoters.

Last year I saw Gallery 47 play and thought; “I’ve got to get this guy in”.

Everyone’s willing to help each other along. God knows how long that will last - probably until Nottingham gets its own No. 1 record - but right now it’s amazing.

Who’ve been your favourite guests?

One of my favourite interviews was with The Smears, because they came in, brought their attitude and really represented themselves. Other people like Natalie Duncan or Jack Peachey might be more reserved, but when you give them more of their own space you get something more intimate - it’s that variety that I like. I want Poddingham to be a space where you can really hear who the person is behind the music.

Have you tried turning the central heating up?

Actually, in the summer months when we were based at Stone Soup studios, we had this wonderful black studio that would get so hot that all the interviews were really sexy and flirty. It didn’t really matter who the people were.

What’s on the horizon for Poddingham?

We’ve got an amazing live recording of Breadchasers, and we’ll get them in for an interview too. I’m really looking forward to Maniere des Bohemienes - I spoke to them and they’re really excited about coming in and doing a live session for us.

Where’s Poddingham HQ now?

We’re at Confetti, which is brilliant because I get to provide practical work for the students, and in return the bands and I get the benefit of their quality – so everyone gets something out of it.

If you could choose any Notts person, past or present, for an interview…?

It would have to be Brian Clough. I love vivid people, and he’s about as vivid as they come. That bit when he clipped those fans round the ears then demanded they give him a kiss on live TV... genius.

Been to any good festivals this year?

I’m actually agoraphobic, so don’t really cope with crowds at all.

Poddingham is my little window on the world, and the thing that gets me out and about. It also means that I get all these great bands to come to me!

And if there was a zombie apocalypse, what one album would help you cope?

William Shatner - Has Been. The greatest album of all time. It’s proper genius, as unlikely as it sounds. leftlion.co.uk/poddingham

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leftlion.couk/issue42

Tuesday 20/09

Hayseed Dixie The Rescue Rooms £15, 7pm

Carleen Anderson The Glee Club £14, 7.30pm

Wednesday 21/09

The Subways The Rescue Rooms £10.50, 6.30pm

The Old Dance School Lakeside Arts Centre £9 / £12 / £15, 8pm

Josh T Pearson The Glee Club £10, 7pm

Thursday 22/09

The Wombats Rock City £16, 6.30pm Plus The Good Natured and Team Me

David Ford The Rescue Rooms £12, 7pm

Jason Hart The Approach

Scott Matthews The Glee Club £12.50, 7.30pm

Friday 23/09

Is Tropical The Bodega £5, 7pm

David Olney and Sergio Webb The Maze £10, 7.15pm David and Sergio will be on stage at 8pm / no support

The Eyes of a Traitor Rock City £7, 6.30pm Plus Heart in Hand and Martyr Defiled.

Friday 23/09

Love Inks The Rescue Rooms £6, 7pm

Girls Go Free Stealth £4, 10pm With Dark Sky and Girls Go Free DJs.

Cult Fridays Spanky Van Dykes Free, 9pm - 1am

Saturday 24/09

Ronnie Londons Groove Lounge Grosvenor £3, 8pm - 1am Soul Buggin’ 7th Birthday Party with Horse Meat Disco Moog £3 / £5, 9pm - 3am Wrighty, Beane and Mark A.

Skewered The Old Angel £5, 7:30pm

Dino Baptiste Southbank Bar

Kerblammo! Presents The Maze £3.50, 7:30pm

Feed The Rhino Rock City £6.50, 6.30pm

Fink The Rescue Rooms £11, 7pm

Teeth Stealth £5, 10pm

Onslaught Marcus Garvey Ballroom £12, 2pm Plus Gama Bomb, Fallen Fate and more tbc.

Eleanor McEvoy The Glee Club £10, 7pm

Sunday 25/09

Richmond Fontaine The Glee Club £14, 7pm

Bookings open 1 August

LS Lowry Head of a Man 1938 © The Lowry Collection, Salford

LAKESIDE AUTUMN SEASON

LAKESIDE ARTS CENTRE UNIVERSITY PARK, NOTTINGHAM BOOK ONLINE: WWW.LAKESIDEARTS.ORG.UK BOX OFFICE: 0115 846 7777

music event listings...

Monday 26/09

Cosmo Jarvis The Bodega £6, 7pm

Tuesday 27/09

Tom Stade The Glee Club £14, 7.15pm

Wednesday 28/09

Danny and the Champions of the World The Bodega £8, 7pm

Thursday 29/09

Rise To Remain Rock City £7, 6.30pm

Friday 30/09

Revolution Sounds Present The Maze £6 / £8, 8pm

Skip ‘Little Axe’ McDonald The Glee Club £10, 6.45pm

MiMM Nottingham Contemporary

THEATRE

Monday 16/08

Mr Stink Live on Stage Nottingham Playhouse £11 / £16, 7pm. Matinees 2.30pm Runs until: 28/08

Tuesday 13/09

The Ashes by Michael Pinchbeck Gala Performance Nottingham Playhouse £40 - £45, 7pm See page 13 for full details.

Wednesday 14/09

Speaking in Tongues Lace Market Theatre £6 / £7, 7:30pm Runs until: 17/09

Wednesday 14/09 Batman Live Nottingham Arena £20 - £45, Various times Runs until: 18/09

EXHIBITIONS

Monday 01/08

Patrin New Art Exchange Runs until: 06/08

The Zone New Art Exchange Runs until: 06/08

Madeleine Burt Featured Artist Beetroot Tree Gallery Free Runs until: 19/08

Exploring Ethiopia Photographic exhibition D H Lawrence Heritage £3, 10am until 5pm Runs until: 28/08 Jean Genet Nottingham Contemporary Runs until: 02/10 Making Sense: Sensing Place Harley Gallery and Foundation Runs until: 07/08

Maps from the Historic Collections of the University of Nottingham Lakeside Arts Centre Runs until: 29/08

Friday 12/08

Love Sex Death and Alchemy Nottingham Society of Artists Free, 10am- 6pm Runs until: 25/08

Saturday 13/08

Salon des Refuses Surface Gallery Runs until: 27/08

A MAN OF FRENCH LETTERS

Precious Harley Gallery and Foundation Runs until: 16/10 Dr Sketchy’s Anti Art Show Glee Club £8, 11:30am

As an inspiration for many modern and contemporary artists, musicians and thinkers, the influence Jean Genet wrought upon the world as a writer spans entire continents and decades - all the way to the spacious and gorgeously-lit confines of Nottingham Contemporary, as the keystone of its latest season features an exhibition which explores Genet’s relationship with the lauded modernist artist Alberto Giacometti. Featuring in the show are major new commissions by Marc Camille Chaimowicz and Lili Reynaud-Dewar, as well as an opportunity to see three political murals that were originally created in the sixties by Emory Douglas, Culture Minister of the Black Panther Party.

The exhibition is in two ‘Acts’ that reflect the early and late phases of Jean Genet’s life and his role as a playwright.

Galleries 3 and 4 host Act One - a solo installation by Chaimowicz, with art from guests including Turner Prize winner Wolfgang Tillmans, and seven Alberto Giacometti’s paintings and sculptures. The installation also includes a portrait of Genet by Giacometti, as well as furniture designed in the thirties by his brother, Diego Giacometti.

Act Two reflects on Genet’s later life – particularly as an advocate for the Black Panther Party and the Palestinian cause. This politically-charged collection includes a commission by Lili Reynaud-Dewar, a film set in a Palestinian refugee camp by the Otolith Group, the political graphics of Douglas, and artefacts relating to Genet himself. Lili Reynaud-Dewar’s major installation in Gallery 2 has four ‘walls’ made from blankets, reminiscent of nights under the stars in the desert. Latifa Echakhch has covered the galleries with numbers drawn in charcoal directly on the wall that refer to the unrealised UN resolutions on Israel and Palestine. Mona Hatoum’s artworks are glass and ceramic hand-grenades in various colours and a keffiah - a traditional Arab scarf - made of human hair. The exhibition also has three large murals made from posters by Douglas, as well as an extensive collection of Panther Party newspapers.

To gain further insight into this often controversial writer’s life and work, there will be a monthly reading group running alongside the exhibition. Led by writer-in-residence Wayne Burrows, these groups will provide an opportunity for in-depth discussions of Genet’s writing. Sessions are free, but pre-booking is necessary.

Jean Genet, 16 July to 2 October, Nottingham Contemporary, Weekday Cross, NG1 2GB. nottinghamcontemporary.org

Tuesday 23/08

Long Gallery Intervention Nottingham Castle Runs until: 25/09

Silver Rings Jewellery Ever wanted to make your own jewellery? Did you even think it would be possible? This workshop with Kate Bajic introduces you to techniques involved in ring-making, including soldering, forming, sawing and hammering. Suitable for beginners and improvers, you’ll have the chance to make up to three different, unique silver rings.

Sunday 11 September, 10am – 4pm, £50/£40 concessions

leftlion.couk/issue42

Lili Reynaud-Dewar, Performance Nottingham Contemporary Free, 8pm - 10pm

Every Fri and Sat Jongleurs Comedy Club Jongleurs £12 - £15

Tuesday 20/09

Sunday 04/09

Thursday 01/09

Thursday 22/09

Thursday 08/09

Madeleine Burt Solo Exhibition Crocus Gallery Runs until: 14/09

The Battle of Algiers Nottingham Contemporary

Creative Lace Market Debbie Bryan Studio & Shop Runs until: 11/09

Monday 12/09

Solo Show Winner Surface Gallery Runs until: 16/09

image: The Miker - Stuart Akroyd

Whimsical Textile Creatures If you fancy a go at creating a three-dimensional character all of your own, with its own story and background, here’s your chance. Artist Gillian Lee Smith (who can be seen in this issue’s Art Works, on page 18) will be leading the session, which will help you explore folk tales and stories from your childhood (or help you delve into your imagination) in order to create a creature from textiles, paint and transfer techniques.

Sunday 18 September, 10am – 4pm, £40/£30 concessions Paperwork No, it’s not an accountancy class - with a technique that turns paper into a solid wood-like material, this course run by artist Hannah Lobley will guide you through the process to create an interior object. She’ll be deploying a unique recycling technique that uses the printed pages of unwanted books and paper. Pages are layered and transformed, so that traditional woodworking methods can be used on them. In other words, wood that became paper becomes wood again. Clever, eh?

Sunday 25 September, 10am – 4pm, £40/£30 concessions

So, if you’re looking to improve on some already enabled skills or want to get into a new hobby, these events could be right up your street. Just think where your imagination and hands could take you, but in a nice way...

Lakeside Visual Arts Studios, University Boulevard, NG7 2RD lakesidearts.org.uk

28

Wednesday 14/09

Tuesday 30/08

Lustre at Lakeside: Crafty little boggers Lakeside’s annual contemporary craft fair par excellence, Lustre, will be hitting Nottingham with a gloriously colourful and unique bang at the start of November. If you can’t wait that long, and are currenty driving your loved ones and peers insane by making curtains out of bus tickets and God knows what else, calm yoursen down; as a pre-runner to the big weekend, Lakeside have put together a series of tasty workshops across September. Catering to all skill levels and ages, these workshops are a rare opportunity to unleash your inner artist in ways you may have never imagined...

Image: Emory Douglas, Soldier Poem. © Emory Douglas. DACS London, 2011

Live on your back? Love chimney stacks? You’d better come to Tempreh and pay homage to the original Jean Genie, then...

Thursday 08/09

Saturday 20/08

MEK SUMMAT!

for more: leftlion.co.uk/listings

The Balcony Nottingham Contemporary Free, 8pm - 10pm

Waltz with Bashir Nottingham Contemporary Free, 7pm - 8.30 pm

Thursday 29/09

Symposium 2 Nottingham Contemporary Free, 3pm - 6pm

Thursday 13/10

architecture and immorality 568 Gallery Runs until: 19/10

Tuesday 18/10

The Doll’s House Nash Interiors Gallery Free, 10am - 5pm Runs until: 22/10

COMEDY

Every Monday

Malt Cross Pub Quiz Malt Cross £2 per team, 8pm

Every Wednesday

The LeftLion Pub Quiz Golden Fleece £2 per team, 9pm - 11pm The Lion Quiz Night Lion Inn

Every Fri and Sat

The Best In Live Stand-Up Comedy Glee Club £3.50 - £9, 7:15pm

Friday Night Comedy Forum £6 - £10, 6:45pm

Upfront Comedy Forum £15, 6:45pm

Lee Evans - Roadrunner UK Tour Nottingham Arena £30, 8pm Runs until: 12/09

Saturday 24/09

Shazia Mirza Bunkers Hill Inn £7, 7:30pm Plus Stephen O’Neill, Matt Rees, Jordan Brookes and Compere Spiky Mike.

Sunday 25/09

Comedy Festival All-Dayer Bunkers Hill Inn £7, 1:30pm With Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre, Kevin Precious, Geoff Norcott, Mundo Jazz, Nathon Caton and Christian Reilly.

Monday 26/09

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Maze £4 / £5, 8pm

Howard Marks Is Mr Nice The Glee Club £15, 6.45pm

Thursday 29/09

Thursday Food & Comedy Special Glee Club £4 / £8.50 / £11.50, 7:30pm

WANT TO GET YOUR EVENTS LISTED? You can now add and edit your events; sign up to our new website and visiting leftlion.co.uk/add.

Gurkha Kitchen

Tropeiro

The Cross Keys

Colourful prayer flags fluttering against a stormy sky confirmed we’d arrived at Nottingham’s only Nepalese restaurant - Gurkha Kitchen in Bilborough. Formerly a typical estate pub, inside it’s Shangri-La; lofty wooden-beamed ceilings and reclaimed-brick chimneys are festooned with statues, candles, Nepalese musical instruments (which they use during festivals) and weapons (which they presumably use when someone tries to do a runner), whilst the immaculate furnishings are brightened with lustrous shadings of red - Nepal’s lucky colour.

I went on travelling in Brazil earlier this year and fell in love with their amazing beaches, football, women and cuisine. It was one of the few times I’ve been on holiday and seriously thought: “I’d like to move here.”

We’ve been here before; issue 37, where we said it was dead plush and the snap was properly, properly decent. All these facts still hold true, but there’s two new developments: a) a complete refurb job upstairs, and b) a brand-new buffet menu. The new room – which can double up as a dining or meeting area – is beeyoo-tiful. A definite Alice in Wonderland theme runs through it; clocks all over the shop, top hats doubling up as lampshades, solid dark floorboards, and seating apparently furnished from the skins of dead Muppets.

Shangri-La, in Bilbo-Ra

If you’re after a curry-in-a-hurry, they also run a takeaway out the back, which is presided over by chef (and owner) Andeep, but we were happy to take a seat and nibble on complementary poppadums and chutneys whilst sipping imported Gurkha Beer (660ml, £4.50). With both Indian and Nepalese dishes on offer, the menu includes Andeep’s traditional family recipes as well as his own culinary inventions. The place is so authentic that the spices are sent over on a regular basis from the home country by Andeep’s own mother.

My starter - sekuwa chicken (£3.95) - was a delicious combination of succulent meat and complex spices accompanied by a homemade sweet and sour coriander sauce and side salad.

Being new to Nepalese food, we asked the restaurant staff to recommend dishes for one vegetarian who likes things hot and one meat eater who does not. So my friend dug into Kathmandu vegetables (a festival dish with a kick, cooked with masala spices and cream - £7.85), paungo chamri (£3.75), vegetable pakoras (£3.25) and vegetable rice (£2.65). Paungo chamri is a home-made cheese and spinach dish and can only be described as sensational! Nepalese curries tend to be milder than their Indian counterparts, and Himalayan chicken (£7.95) - I assumed it is the sauce that was Himalayan, rather than the beast (for competitive types, there is also Everest chicken). Himalayan is a creamy mild curry with a hit of ginger, and a good match with the Nepali rice – a traditional dish cooked with chicken tikka, cashew nuts and sultanas.

If I had a spare stomach just for dessert, I’d have been tempted by punky or vacky (£3.25) – chocolate and vanilla ice cream served in a penguin or cow-shaped toy. What’s not to like? With Sunday buffets, and celebrations to mark Nepali festivals they have a huge function room (with much of the original pub décor still intact) for hire, and a really unique menu. This is an oneoff place run by friendly people who are passionate about food.

What impressed me the most was that Gurkha Kitchen achieves that rare combination – individuality and quality. Someone really should give Joanna Lumley a call - she’d love it here.

Aly Stoneman

Take your Nana for a Brazilian

Buffet, The Nyam-pyre Slayer

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to sneak a bonita mulher into my suitcase home. But it did feel like a bit of the culture came back with me as, on my next trip into town, I noticed that the old Hard Rock Café, most recently Vienna, had become a churrasco restaurant.

The tradition of the Brazilian churrasco (barbecue) goes back to the seventeenth century when large parts of the country were covered by the flat lands of the Pampas. The vegetation favoured cattle farming and produced some of the best meat in the world.

Fast forward four hundred years and their love affair with meat continues.

Tropeiro (named after the first Brazilian cowboys who rounded up the cattle) is the brainchild of Nei Borger, who left his homeland for Manchester in the mid-nineties. He earned his spurs cooking at the likes of La Tasca, Reform and Panacea, before setting up on his own. This is the fourth in his chain (the others can be found in Aberdeen, Glasgow and Chester) and the cuisine remains faithful to his country’s tradition.

The place uses the rodizio (continuous) service concept, where you pay a fixed price (£9.95 for lunch on weekdays, £19.95 at other times) and get to sample whatever you want from the menu. Skewers of beef, lamb, pork and chicken are carried by waiters around the restaurant and the meat is carved tableside at your request. On each table is a beer mat with a red and a green side: red side up says you have enough on your plate, green side says you’re ready and waiting for more.

Among the dishes there are several to get excited about: alcatra is a cut of top sirloin which oozes flavour, cordeiro is a crunchy joint of tender lamb sliced straight off the bone and coração da galinha is an established Brazilian delicacy: a chicken heart.

There is also a well-stocked salad bar to help yourself to. Their wine menu is also decent and, needless to say, they serve a great capirinha (£6) in eight fruity flavours.

A word of warning: vegetarians, avoid this place as there’s nothing for you here. Serious carnivores: welcome to your new favourite all-you-can-eaterie. Jared Wilson 11 King Street, NG1 2AY. Tel: 0115 947 0124

Glaisdale Drive West, NG8 4GY. Tel: 0115 929 0194 gurkhakitchen.org

tropeiro.co.uk

If your concept of the word ‘buffet’ is scarred by memories of whatever left-over rammell was in the fridge last Boxing Day, or having to dodge the meaty forearm of Fat Janice from Marketing over a tray of already curling butties during an office meeting conveniently held during your dinner hour, come to the Keys and get properly feducated. This is what a true buffet should be; a broader-than-broad palette of textures and tastes to be sampled at leisure.

The first round of snappage that came our way were the sandwiches. The beef and horseradish ones were toppermost drawer – thick cuts of cow slathered with a sauce that was punchy yet not overpowering. The cheese and tomato sarnies were a bit bland by comparison (they still got decked, though, so they weren’t that bad).

The next entrant to the arena – the pork hotpot – was a little ramekin stuffed with potatoes, apple, carrots, and bite-sized chunks of succulent pork. This was followed by hyper-tasty fish balls and some of the best chips I’ve ever tasted in town. You don’t automatically equate buffets with hot food: The Cross Keys proves that you should, if there’s a hotplate handy.

More fishiness followed (delightfully fatty scallops – some on a pedestal of black pudding, some not – and densely packed smoked salmon roulade shot through with sharp lemony goodness), then hunks of huntman’s pie rammed with chicken, ham and stuffing, with a moreish crust and just the right amount of jelly. Personal fave? The chipolata sausages split open and stuffed with a piping of mashed potato, like a meaty éclair.

Upshot: The Cross Keys has outdone itself once again with imaginative yet substantial snap (all sourced from Viccy Market, don’t you know). If you’re looking to sort out a moderately-sized gathering with something to eat without having to argue the toss about who had what when the bill comes round, booking a buffet upstairs is the perfect solution. I left with a ton of sandwiches wrapped up in tin foil – rather like Sammy, the vagrant kiddies’ entertainer in Hi De Hi! – and gave this much of a toss who noticed. Al Needham 15 Byard Lane, NG1 2GJ. Tel: 015 941 7898 crosskeysnottingham.co.

Our resident fast food expert Beane continues his quest to eat at every takeaway in Nottingham…

Spicy Nights The never-ending quest for the perfect curry: it’s consumed the mind of the British late-night explorer ever since he realised that supper could be so much more than left-over chips slopping about in a sea of gravy in a polystyrene tub. The abundance of choice available has not quenched our thirst for spice, rather it’s made us more resolute to seek out the best on offer. Spicy Nights had expertly dodged the long and probing tentacles of the Beane - but after hearing countless favourable tales it was obvious a visit was needed. Or being the hungover Sunday it was, a delivery to be more precise. My spice tolerance has climbed to monumental levels over the years, so I opted for the chicken pathia with pilau rice, peshwari nan and Bombay potatoes, and I undid the belt buckle in preparation. It was one of the most scrumptious curries I’ve had in a while; a nice amount of spice - and flavour to boot - with big lumps of meat, which can be a rarity these days.

Spicy Nights is well worthy of your hard-earned and its takeaway menu should proudly sit atop the collection which you have shoved in your kitchen drawer.

91 Haydn Road, Sherwood, NG5 2LA. Tel: 0115 985 6515 spicynightsonline.co.uk

Papa Johns What the bejesus has happened to the good old pizza? Sometimes, in more reflective moments, I feel sorry for the much-maligned tomato and cheese-based bread frisbee. Over the years it’s been somewhat neglected; the only outlets for the late night reveller seeking a bit of Italian are either the truly diabolical and perverted kebab shop concoctions (even I wouldn’t put it on a pizza) or venturing to the dark side of corporate chains, like Pizza Hut or Domino’s. So when I first stumbled upon Papa John’s, it slapped me ‘round the chops like that man in those old tango ads. Yes, it’s a chain – the third-biggest in America - but it certainly didn’t feel like it. Maybe I was caught up in those first nervous flushes of pizza romance, but I took it to my hairy bosom with vigour. The menu is refreshingly different; sure, there’s the usual pizza toppings, but there’s also new shizzle thrown into the mix, such as goats cheese, Ventricina salami, applewood smoked bacon and pulled pork.

Their pizza sizes go up to a colossal XXL, meaning the floodgates stopping your incoming obesity can be flung open wide with gusto. Highly recommended.

6 Croft Road, Arnold, NG5 7DX. Tel: 0115 967 3388 papajohns.co.uk leftlion.couk/issue42

29

Leo (July 24 - August 23) They say home is where your heart is. It’s also where your brain, lungs, legs, liver and eyes are.

But despite a prolonged search for DNA evidence after the explosion, they’re going to struggle to find all of it.

Virgo (August 24 - September 23) You feel like you have entered a brave new world and are having to learn a foreign language which could even be business, technical or medically based. Recent changes in your emotional state are because someone close to you has been drugging your food. Trust no-one.

Libra (September 24 - October 23)

You say you wanna kiss my face? Well, I wanna kiss your face too. But if we get all facey kissy together then people will talk and our girlfriends will leave us. So let’s make sure we only do it when there is no-one else around. Ya get me bloodclart?

Scorpio (October 24 - November 22) When parallel parking in front of a shop, look in the reflection of the store window to see how much room is left between your car and the one behind you. Then reverse the car as quickly as possible, ram raid the shop and take anything you want from there.

Sagittarius (November 23 - December 22)

LEFTLION ABROAD

Brooklyn Bridge, New York City, USA

When caterpillars create their cocoons they don’t start fretting - or worrying about the future.

Acting on an impulse, they just plough ahead and prepare for their process of transformation.

So too you shouldn’t plan to hard. But don’t just try and be yourself – instead be a hairy hairy caterpillar.

Capricorn (December 23 - January 19)

You often wonder what your purpose on this earth is, but what you fail to appreciate is that you are already influencing the lives of everyone people around you. You inspire them to be better people and move themselves on to greater things. Mainly because they dread the idea of ever ending up like you.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 19)

In the words of Mick Jagger “you can’t always get what you want.” But it does become easier to get what you want when you are a global rock star. After all that chap from Led Zeppelin got a girl to insert a baby shark into her. I’d like to see that too, but let’s face it women like that are hard to meet in this town.

Pisces (February 20 - March 20)

Wearing your heart of your sleeve is an admirable quality. It can put you on the path to luck and lead to those who admire your emotional honesty to lay their troubles at your feet. But you’ve taken the idiom a tad too literally and now you need to see a doctor or you will die.

Aries (March 21 - April 20)

You have big plans and you may at times struggle to achieve them. However you have so much drive in you that you will continue to persevere through to the end. You may look like a junkie jesus, but as a wise man almost said it’s not where you’re not from, it’s where you’re at.

Taurus (April 21 - May 21)

L Ron Hubbard is locked in a cupboard. He’s trying to give a lecture about dianetics, but the coats and shirts handing up all around him are muffling the sound. So all you can hear is a mad man sounding off; below the rail, but above his station. This has happened before in another galaxy.

Gemini (May 22 - June 22)

Work may at times seem like something of a labyrinthine task. It’s easy to lose yourself amongst the endless nights and sleepy days. However you made an astute business decision recently and the end of the year spells great things as a result.

Built in 1883 to connect the island of Manhattan to the aforementioned borough, the Brooklyn Bridge is one of the most iconic structures in America - thanks to that even more iconic Woody Allen film poster. It’s appeared in Godzilla, The Fifth Element, I Am Legend and Once Upon A Time In America, been the title of a Frank Sinatra song, and featured in a Bugs Bunny cartoon. When rumours that the bridge was unsafe spread through New York after it was built, PT Barnum himself led a parade of 21 elephants across it, and on 9/11 it was the main escape route for thousands of people after the attacks on the World Trade Center. Vandalism by Jared Wilson.

Still not had your summer holiday yet? Take a copy of LeftLion (or a sticker, or a t-shirt, or an anything with our logo on it) and stand somewhere impressive. Then send a photo to us at abroad@leftlion.co.uk, and we might just publish it...

Cancer (June 23 - July 23) You celebrated your recent birthday staring while a naked man sang an ode to you. Whilst you’ve always been more into the ladies, deep down you found it strangely arousing. Twenty years from now you will remember this as a major turning point.

Forest away, 1995/6

If you don’t go out and pick up LeftLion #43 on Friday 30 September, Su Pollard will strangle this child.

She really will.

Do not test her.

This magazine is printed on paper sourced from sustainable forests. Our printers are ISO 14001 certified by the British Accreditation Bureau for their environmental management. Are yours? Yeah, thought so.

30

leftlion.couk/issue42

of the gents in Looks like: The floor 2am at Yates bish Canadian Sponsored by: Rub lager merchants Horrible badgeSpecial mention for: rammell e adg -a-b within in the Finished that year: 9th

Premiership

County home, 1993/4

Looks like: A Matalan teenage boy ’s quilt Sponsored by: Long-la mented local brewery Special mention for:

Hooped sleeves

Finished that year: Jus t missed out on the Division One pla yoffs

www.rescuerooms.com

www.rock-city.co.uk Eddie Spaghetti Sunday 31st July

The Revival Tour

Funeral For A Friend

Sunday 2nd October

Hit The Deck Reunion Club

w/ Brian Fallon, Dan Andriano Chuck Ragan & Dave Hause

That Sunday Feeling

The Feeling

The Hidden Orchestra

Noah And The Whale

Saturday 6th August Friday 12th August

Kiss Corona

Friday 9th September

Gary Numan

Thursday 15th September Co Headline Show

White Wizzard Jettblack

Thursday 15th September

The Wombats OUT D Thursday 22nd SOLSeptember The Eyes Of A Traitor Friday 23rd September

Wednesday 5th October

Thursday 27th October

Macmillan Fest 2011

Sylosis

The Rifles

Ron Sexsmith

36Crazyfists

Anna Calvi

Big Deal

Ghost Brigade

Girls

Shangri-la Lounge 2011

Herman Dune

Yuck

TesseracT

The Doors Alive

Turin Brakes

Blast Off! Festival 3rd Day

The Answer

Wednesday 16th November

Morning Parade

It Bites + Mostly Autumn

Thursday 17th November

Tuesday 22nd November

Hayseed Dixie

Sharon Shannon

Flogging Molly

The Subways

Wu Lyf

David Ford

Miss May I

Fink

Tribes

Fenech-Soler

The Horrors

The Magic Band

Wednesday 26th October

Friday 7th December

Wilko Johnson

Zion Train

Glenn Tilbrook

Feat. Royal Republic + Hospitals

Saturday 29th October

Rise Against

Thursday 6th October

+ Tom Morello: The Nightwatchman

Imperial Leisure

Friendly Fires

Friday 7th October

Black Veil Brides

Wednesday 2nd November + Chad Valley + SBTRKT

Monday 14th November

Saturday 8th October

The Damned

Ed Sheeran OUT

Alabama 3

+ Yashin + My Passion

D Monday 10th SOLOctober

Kids In Glass Houses Wednesday 12th October

Bombay Bicycle Club Monday 17th October

Katy B

Tuesday 15th November Monday 21st November

The Darkness

Monday 28th November

Tuesday 18th October

Aloe Blacc

Saturday 24th September

Firefest 2011 3 day event

Shed Seven

Rise To Remain

Professor Green

Feed The Rhino

Thursday 29th September

Y&T

Saturday 1st October

21st, 22nd & 23rd October

ExampleD OUT

Enter Shikari

Dog Is Dead

Tuesday 25th October

Brontide

David Dondero

Sophie Barker

Cave Painting

Saturday 3rd September

Treefight For Sunlight

Monday 5th September

Shonen Knife

Saturday 10th September

Slow Club

Monday 12th September

Sunday 9th October

Tuesday 11th October

Ben Howard

Monday 24th October

David Giles

Tuesday 25th October

Emily Barker

& The Red Clay Halo Friday 28th October

Dry The River

Ugly Duckling

Danny & The Champions Of The World

Acid Mothers Temple & The Melting Paraiso U.F.O

Marcus Foster

Airship

Wednesday 14th September

Wednesday 28th September Saturday 1st October

Sunday 11th December

Monday 24th October

www.thebodegasocialclub.co.uk Monday 15th August

Monday 5th December

Wednesday 2nd November

Sunday 6th November

Tuesday 8th November

L December Thursday SO15th Saturday 17th December

Sunday 4th September

Tuesday 6th September Friday 9th September Sunday 11th September

Saturday 17th September Sunday 18th September

Monday 19th September Tuesday 20th September Wednesday 21st September Thursday 22nd September Saturday 24th September Saturday 1st October Sunday 2nd October

www.stealthattack.co.uk | facebook.com/stealthnottingham

Summer Special Saturday 6th August

Monki (Rinse FM)

Saturday 13th August

Hackman (Greco Roman)

+∆

Zed Bias

(Locked On/Swamp81)

Friday 5th August

Melé (Grizzly)

Friday 2nd September

Dark Sky

(Ninja Tune/50 Weapons)

Friday 23rd September

Saturday 20th August

Marco Del Horno (Rinse FM)

Goldie

+ Skism + Basher

Saturday 27th August

Friday 26th August

Summer Special Saturday 3rd September

Friday 30th September

Two Inch Punch + The Jezabels (Live)

Saturday 10th September Summer Special Saturday 17th September

Teeth (Live)

Saturday 24th September

Folks (Live)

Saturday 1st October

Jackmaster (Numbers)

Saturday 15th October

Burns

LINE UP TBC

Hatcha + Crazy D

+ Jakes + Gemini + Dismantle

Friday 12th August LINE UP TBC

Friday 2nd September

Shackleton

Friday 16th September

5th Birthday

Friday 21st October

Ghostpoet (Live) + Loefah (Swamp81/DMZ) + Oneman (Rinse FM)

Friday 7th October

Saturday 5th November

Mosca (Numbers)

Saturday 26th November

Maya Jane Coles Friday 18th November

Thursday 6th October

Saturday 29th October

Sunday 9th October

Saturday 5th November

Thursday 13th October Friday 14th October Saturday 15th October Monday 17th October Tuesday 18th October

Wednesday 19th October Friday 21st October Monday 24th October Tuesday 25th October

Thursday 27th October

Saturday 12th November Monday 14th November Perform their classic album The Optimist

Portico Quartet Wild Beasts

Sunday 20th November

Textures + The Ocean Saturday 26th November

Jesse Malin & the St. Marks Social Sunday 27th November

The Lemonheads

Performing "It's a Shame About Ray"

Thursday 1st December

Thursday 8th December