The secrets of resilience

21st Century wisdom for people with busy lives

The Secrets of Resilience with Shomit Mitter

What it really takes to be positive, strong and motivated under

stress

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The brain " in 2 parts

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#1 Frontal lobes Calm, mature, analytical, strategic, can plan ahead - the “adult”

#2 Amygdala a) impulsive, no planning, no perspective – the “child” b) fear = fight (aggression), flight (avoidance, procrastination), freeze (brain stops) b) fear = fight (aggression), flight (avoidance, procrastination), freeze (brain stops)

Think of the early man in the savannah: response to lion attack: fight = attack the lion with a spear flight = run away from the lion freeze = play dead and hope the lion goes away. The modern equivalent is divorce, redundancies etc

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21st century wisdom for people with busy lives

Success in any sphere of life is a function of having the internal “adult” look after the internal “child”.

What are the 2 things any adult needs to do to look after a child properly?

Love and Discipline

Love = I’m tired, I need to have a rest; I’ll cook myself a proper meal; Discipline = I don’t take that third helping of dessert

In both cases there is a calm, reassuring awareness behind the action and all is well.

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21st century wisdom for people with busy lives

If we are attacked by “lions” often enough, or if the scar is deep enough we can quickly get to a stage when we never relax – we forever scan the horizon for the next lion.

Repeated scarring – two bad boyfriends so all men are bad" Deep scar – soldier back from the war so fireworks are bombs

In both cases there is no discernment – no communication between adult and child. This is what we call chronic stress when we have adrenalin pumping through us and we get aggressive or go into avoidance, even when there is no immediate threat.

Short term this leads to arguments, bad moods; Long-term, stress-related illness – heart attacks, strokes etc.

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21st century wisdom for people with busy lives

The 3 elements" for acute stress" " B = breathe"

E = escape temporarily from the situation" N = New role"

#1 BREATHE

Take a long out-breath

This is a natural response to releasing stress

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#2 DISTANCE YOURSELF

Take time out Because, whereas the child brain fires immediately, the adult brain takes a few seconds to get going.

Space = movement We need to physically move the body to get it “away” from the place of stress so that it can “look back” at the scene with detachment

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#3 ROLE MODEL

If we can’t find our own internal adult we have to have use a stand-in adult.

Choose a role model and ask “What would X do in this situation” Note the emphasis here is on picturing this person.

When you visualise the brain thinks it has done it – it doesn’t recognise the words “be calm”

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REVIEW

Find 1 example when you used BEN effectively & pat yourself on the back

Find 1 example when you messed up & simply visualise yourself doing BEN the way you should have

(Note: never beat yourself up: that only reinforces the negative pattern)

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Every day ask yourself these " 3 questions"

#1 What did I do for my body?

EATING

This is not just about nutrition. It is about bringing love and solace to the child. Feeding touches on the most primal relationship we have between mother and child. When we feed ourselves well – and I mean well, with all the paraphernalia of cooking as opposed to fobbing ourselves off at the end of a long day with a bowl of cereal – we do more than give ourselves protein and carbs and vitamins: we give ourselves love.

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SLEEP

Far more important than many of us realise.

It also touches on the primal relationship with the mother and the discipline of not staying up late. It touches both aspects of the relationship between the adult and the child.

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EXERCISE

Not just stamina and muscle but also serotonin. And more - a sense that you are caring for your body. That you are being disciplined. This triggers a better relationship between the child and the adult. The brain observes that the body is not hiding away in a cupboard and concludes that it couldn’t possibly be stressed!

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#2 What did I do for my mind?

You all have highly developed minds – which is why you are in the jobs that you are in. But once you are in a job you may find that it doesn’t do enough to actually stretch your mind –because jobs tend to be too narrow in their focus -whereas developing your mind is about living abundantly in the world, exploring it, learning new things. This comes from any number of things – from reading (like most mothers read to their children), intelligent travelling (going on safari instead of lying on a beach), using London - going to exhibitions, plays, whatever – so that you continue to get fulfilment from the world of the mind.

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#3 What did I do for my soul?

This is about making the time … to enjoy yourself. Scheduling it in, like you would a client meeting. This is vital: actually making the effort to see friends, to wander down to the pub, It’s about the little pleasures in life – (wisteria example)

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But how do you make the time for all this?"

The answer is this: paradoxical as it may sound, it is when you do make time for the extras that you have more time for the core.

For example: Taking the time to enjoy food at lunchtime Pleasure – not carrying the sack all the time

Being able to say no to work sometimes – so you actually get more work done.

So. You have the time. And you know what to do Now. Remember the Nike slogan – “just do it”

It works! Try it.

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About Learn Shed Live"

Let’s face it, we’re busy. We’re living in a 24/7 connected world, yet it’s made us more disconnected than ever before. 54% of us say our stress levels are increasing, more than any other generation and even our doctors are struggling to cope. LearnShedLive was founded on the lofty objective of helping people and organisations feel better, emotionally and physically, by offering knowledge & practical take-aways predominantly in the form of workshops, talks and high quality, engaging videos.

Each one is carefully designed to help you feel more emotionally supported, giving you tools and techniques on how to live your lives more fully, how to be more present and how to operate at your best at work.

We work with dynamic organisations who recognise that the health, wellbeing and happiness of their staff is what is going to give them the edge in the 21st century.