Lead Like You Magazine - Vol. 1, Iss. 1 - January 2022

Editor-in-Chief

Authenticity

Dr. Renita L. Webb

Page 3

Publisher Melodee Press

Adaptability Page 7

Who is

?

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ISSN 2771-4470

From the EDITOR'S Thoughts Page 2

Image Credits Page 1-3, 7, 8

Stock images from Canva.com

Let's Do Lunch Page 10

Dr. Renita - Front and Back Cover Photos & Pages 1, 12-14

Elizabeth Ashley & Co.

© Melodee Press 2022. For permission to reproduce any article in this magazine contact thedoc@drrenitawebb.com.

Sometimes I wish I was an Introvert...

Leaders are often times thought to be the person who enjoys being seen, heard, and surrounded. But, I beg to say that even the most extroverted person can be over that regularly. Then the leader has to deal with not meeting the expectations of those who have come to know the persona in their main area of leadership. The feeling of disappointing our followers can sometimes be more than we can bear. Unfortunately, setting ourselves up as these super humans is what ends up setting these incredibly high bars of expectation in the first place...but I digress.

Sometimes I just want to be away from EVERYONE. I don't mean every now and again...I mean DAILY. As an extrovert, it doesn't meet the expectations of those around me that I will be energetic, motivational, and encouraging. But, being a leader all day, every day, and in every aspect of life can be draining. I have had the day dream of a life as an introvert. A life where people expect me to desire alone time and not particularly the person that desires to be seen or hear in the room. There is so much pressure being an extroverted leader. Folks, understand this...extroverts need a break some times. And, there are levels to extroversion.

So, please don't think that we are faking when we don't rah rah all the time. Don't think that we are being rude when we go behind closed doors alone every now and again. It takes refueling for us to continue to show up and give as much as we do. Yes, we love people, we don't mind attention, but our cups also get empty.

We'll be back to your expectations soon. But, know that there is a little introvert in us all!

- Dr. Renita Page 2

Authenticity THERE

IS

AND

NO

YOU

OTHER ARE

LIKE BY:

Treat others like you want to be treated.

This was the golden rule I was taught as a child. But, how can you treat others how you want to be treated if you don’t even know who you are or how that person would want to be treated. For that matter, what if how you desire to be treated goes directly against the desires of others. Like with so many other things in life, this phrase makes the assumption that there are universal ways for goodness in the world. While I don’t dispute that, there are basic needs and concerns of all that can be cured through respect, love, and hearing, but how that looks to everyone is different based on who they are and the experiences they have had. Our genetic and familial make up along with the lives that we live help define our authenticity. Our authenticity is what sets us apart from others in the world and helps to fulfill the purpose that only we can make come to pass.

IN THE REALM OF LEADERSHIP, AUTHENTICITY IS ONE OF THE MAJOR INGREDIENTS IN MAKING THE MAGIC HAPPEN IN WHATEVER PLACE WHERE YOU ARE LEADING.

YOU

NEEDED DR.

RENITA

L.

WEBB

“I used to feel like an outsider. But, you being you, I feel like [insert big hug to the person who showed up fully], yay me.” (Bird, 2018, 51:23) In the movie, The Incredibles 2 (spoiler alert) the superheroes have been exiled and have been portrayed as enemies of the state.

In that exile period, one was chosen to lead the way to change the image of the heroes. In that leadership, the chosen one had to show up fully as who they were even in the face of those who tried to make it look like who she was as not acceptable. She was constantly doing the right thing. When she showed up, there were others who decided they wanted to come to wherever she was so that they could have the opportunity to be who they were as well, fully.

They became a part of her “follow”ship for a few reasons: 1) her authenticity, 2) their connection to who she showed herself to be, and 3) the hope the felt for their own futures and goals based on what the leader is able to do and willing to empower them to do. This is something that we have the opportunity to do daily in our own areas of leadership. But, the first step in showing up fully is discovering who we truly are.

A part of that self-discovery is recovering our past experiences so that we can review the lessons learned from them. This helps to shape who we are now and aids in our moving forward, rather than constantly reliving past mistakes because we haven’t learned the lessons to prevent falling for the same thing over and over. The way I teach others to walk through this process is to accept that they are All T.H.A.T. Since 2016, I have worked with people of different genders, races, ages, and cultures discover their T.H.A.T. In my world, T.H.A.T. stands for Total Honest Awesome Truth. It is the good, bad, and ugly of your life. It also involves acknowledging all of the pieces of ourselves (immediately Ledisi’s Pieces of Me has started playing in my head). These pieces include: who we were, who we are, who other people think we are (remember perception is reality), and who we want to be. All of these elements feed into the thoughts we think and the actions we take. Who you were speaks to all of the things you have been through which should have led to tons of lesson learned. It is those pieces of wisdom that should have gotten you to the place where you are now. Who you are now is shaping itself moment by moment. Every choice you have made, every move you have made, every connection you have made was the creation of your present position. But, know that also means that the choices, moves, and connections you make today also shape your tomorrow.

The you of today and the you of before have worked together to help create who other people think you are.

They were paired with their own experiences and thus the birth of perception.

Perception is defined by Merriam-Webster, Incorporated (n.d.) as “the way you think about or understand someone or something”. That means that they can make up anything they want in their minds and to them that is truth. The only thing you can do about that perception is show up as yourself and choose how you react or don’t react to those perceptions. You can try to prove them wrong, or you can simply let them think what they think and move on. After dealing with all of these other entities, you then have to then come to deal with something that every leader should have and that is vision. This vision is very specific and that is your vision for your own life, also know as, knowing what you want to be when you grow up (or tomorrow).

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All of these entities reside inside of you (aside from other’s thoughts of you…they reside in their minds but still reflect on to you). They help to make up the authentic version of yourself.

Though authenticity is focused on self-development, at the end of the day it creates a path for service and servant-based collaboration within a community. These communities operate as if there are alliances of individuals engaged in a common mission.

(Moore, 2008, p. 23) So, taking the time to rediscover you, and remember that you change daily…experience by experience, is not only for your wellbeing but for the betterment of others. Not only is the discovery important, it is also important for you to show up and walk in who you are fully. This does not mean that you will not have to adjust for different audiences from time to time as the situations deem necessary. But, what it does mean is that your goals, vision, and views do not have to change. It also means that even in your potential code switching you don’t have to compromise or hide all of yourself. (If you don’t know what code switching is, consider reading Jones and Shorter-Gooden’s Shifting: The double lives of Black women in America. It is a good read for people of all cultures.)

You, with all of your good, bad, and ugly, with every experience you have ever had, with every lesson you have ever learned, are needed for a specific assignment. Yes, we all have room to grow and learn new things, but you have lived your life for a time such as this. You have gone through and lived through your life for a group of people who can learn and grow with you and your leadership. They need YOU! So, while you take the time to learn from leadership gurus, don’t try so hard to assimilate that you lose who you are. Take the tools and make them work with your experiences. Your people need the knowledgeable, experienced, wise, authentic YOU!

References Bird, B. (Director). (2018). The Incredibles 2 [Film]. Pixar Animation Studios.

Merriam-Webster, Incorporated. (n.d.). Perception. Merriam-Webster.

Retrieved January 1, 2022, from https://www.merriamwebster.com/dictionary/perception

Moore, S. (2008, May). It’s Not Just Nice, It’s Necessary: Authentic Leadership In The New Economy. ProQuest Dissertations Publishing.

Shifting:

The Double Lives of Black Women in America

https://www.proquest.com/centralalumni/docview/89231395/3F35EE943 31D4F87PQ/10?accountid=36783

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ADAP TABI LITY

Stay Connected with Dr. Renita: bit.ly/DrRenitaEmails instagram.com/dr.renita facebook.com/dr.renita linkedin.com/in/drrenita/

Adaptability

Change is inevitable, are you fighting it or soaring with it?

By: Dr. Renita L. Webb

“The only thing constant in the world is change.” – Heraclitus

Change is going to happen in every area of your life, the question is how are you prepared for it, how do you deal with it, and how you apply the lessons learned from it. Oftentimes, the changes that come are out of our control and may or may not meet what you’d thought they would be. The change may or may not work in your favor.

Whether or not it is favorable, it is coming. So now what?

Adaptability is one of the many soft skills that leaders need to have in their tool belt to deal with the many different things that come into play in the broader role of leadership in any area. To adapt is to make changes to work with the new thing that has happened. This gives you or a thing the capacity to be used in a new way or for a new purpose. While leaders often claim to be ready for the next level and desire to take their “follow”ship along the ride, it is the many changes that occur between the present and that desired future that can be tricky to navigate.

The question is: Are you fighting change or are you soaring with it?

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Educators' Corner

FOR YOUR THOUGHTS...

In the world of education, it is so easy to get caught up in the written curriculum, standardized testing, and all the other things you HAVE to do. But, you cannot allow that to stop you from doing what you know you need to do. Students are more than scores, statistics, and ADM makers. They are the future...period. If we, the leaders of the present, don't take the time to teach them effective leadership skills now, what will happen to our future? This is the time to activate the Art of Education. There is no way that students should come out of their educational pursuits full of book sense and walk away without the common sense that is only common to those who have it (and unfortunately it is not that common)!! What are you doing today to empower the leaders of the future?

- Dr. Renita

Adaptability cont.

The fight, flight, or freeze response is something that most of us know about. But, for those who don’t, fight is that feeling inside of you that makes you aggressively ready to face and deal with whatever scary thing is coming your way. Flight is the urge to get the heck out of dodge and find out what that thing was later. Freeze is the fear that causes you to become paralyzed and not deal with anything…come what may. In Sherry Gaba’s (2020) article she introduces a 4th response to scary things or trauma, the fawn response. According to the research, “the fawn response involves immediately moving to try to please a person to avoid any conflict. This is often a response developed in childhood trauma, where a parent or a significant authority figure is the abuser.” (Gaba, 2020) This is one of the ways that the lives we live outside of our leadership roles show themselves in our interactions as leaders. Traumatic experiences in our lives affect all aspects of our lives, which is why it is important not to just bury them, but to handle them.

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The flight, freeze, and fawn responses all can cause negative repercussions and at the end of the day cause you to fight against change. Whether you are avoiding it, ignoring it, or just doing what others might like best, you are not doing yourself or anyone else any real favors. You are also not acting like the effective leader you could be. Leaders must deal with change, head on. This is something that can be hard to do, especially if you have been hurt by changes in the past. This can also be a challenge if you fear conflict or want to make all people happy. Finally, if you have difficulty making decisions that affect others, this could be a doosy for you.

But, at the end of the day, facing the change is something that must be done. If you fight against it, there will be another leader (good or bad) that will step up. If this happens over and over again, then there will be questions from those that follow you about whether or not you are a leader at all.

To those who choose to face the changes that throw you off of the path where you were heading, what do you do to make the necessary adjustments to deal with the change? Here are a few thoughts to consider: What do you want to accomplish?

What areas are in need of change or shifting/pivoting?

What can you control?

What are pathways to viable solutions to identified problems?

When you take the time to go through these considerations carefully, you will have a map to help you down the runway to soar into the land of adaptation.

Adjustments should be intentional and communicated effectively. They not only involve you, the leader, but also the entire organization/business/ministry. Soaring with changes must be both personal and corporate. This is a case when flying alone is not optional. So, when going through the considerations, make sure to take your team with you, even if it must be a tiered process. What you don’t want to do is start walking on a new path and realize that you are walking alone. Great leaders, lead leaders. Help those who are coming up behind you learn the process so that they can do the same.

Reference

Gaba, S. (2020, August 22). Understanding Fight, Flight, Freeze and the Fawn Response. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addictionand-recovery/202008/understanding-fight-flight-freeze-and-the-fawn-response

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Let's Do Lunch

By: Dr. Renita L. Webb

As leaders, one of the most important things we must do is connect with others. One of the easiest ways to do that is over food. But, not every eatery is appropriate to have meaningful conversations or to conduct business. So, I am excited to share with you places where I have experienced not only a great atmosphere to talk, but also great food to enjoy.

This month, I want to share with you a Piedmont North Carolina spot that is a hidden gem. It is family owned, black owned, and serves up more than food. CAUTION: If you are looking for cuisine to help you with your new year’s resolution of weight loss, you will have to be careful here…but the nurturing of your soul will be well worth it.

Have you ever heard of Ben’s Boyz? If you take a trip to Greensboro, NC and head just beyond downtown to the Shoppes at Friendly Center, you can find yourself with Ben and Ella’s family.

This venture started off as a food truck (which they still operate).

Owners, William and Joeseph Wyatt, a father and son duo, serve up southern comfort foods. I’m talking about mac and cheese, candied yams, greens, fish, chicken, corn bread, and more with hot sauce on the side. They also have amazing desserts and have their own signature line of lemonades and teas. But, with all of that going on, they also have lots of space and encourage conversation. Their friendly staff makes you feel welcome. Eating and connecting here feels like you are in your own home shooting the breeze. They also give you the option of taking your food to go and you could literally go eat it wherever you please.

You can invite your guest(s) to come and meet you in comfortable attire or in their corporate finest and they will not feel out of place.

It is an environment where all are welcome. The seating is also spaced out enough that you won’t have trouble hearing yourself think!

There is even more to this amazing spot…they have their own bookstore!!!! Next Chapter Bookstore & Gift Shop - Ben’s Boyz has a ton of fabulous local and national authors in their cadre of offerings. The books range from children’s picture books to devotionals to self-help and more. There are also artisans who have their jewelry, bath and body care items, journals, artwork and more that are offered there. You could potentially fall in love with an art piece, have a discussion about it, and then purchase it right off of the wall of the establishment. I mean it is amazing!!

So head on over to Ben’s Boyz, 2711 Grandview Avenue, Greensboro, NC 27408 the next time you want to do lunch and lead other leaders to greatness!! Tell them Dr. Renita sent you.

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Lead Like You Magazine (LLYM) is so excited about our inaugural issue. It is the brainchild of a woman whose whole life has been shaped by, influenced by, and in many ways focused on leadership. It has manifested in many ways over the years, but in 2022 it has birthed this FABULOUS publication. So, we think that it is important to help you get to know this visionary. Thus, we interviewed her. Here are the results…

LLYM: Dr. Renita it is so great to have the opportunity to talk to you. Let’s start off with learning just a little more about who you are. Who is Dr. Renita?

Dr. Renita: I am an Educational Leadership Strategist. That means that I love to work with aspiring and growing leaders to become more authentic in their leadership, empower their “follow”ship, and at the end of the day make a greater impact on the world. I am also a wife and mother of 4. I own 2 kids (I’ve fed them long enough…they are mine...hahahahaha) and I birthed 2 kids.

That blended family journey led to me writing Stepmom: Trials, Tribulations, and Triumphs (editions 1 and 2). I am also the authoress of While You Are Sleeping,

the perfect children of all ages book. I am a the Founder of The Refining Life, a 501(c)3 non-profit organization.

Its mission is to provide you with experiences to have your mindset shifted so that you can lead a more positive and productive life. I am the host of Leadership Live with Dr. Renita and Friends. I am a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am a veteran educator having served grades Kindergarten through college, teacher to principal to college professor. This is where the doctor comes from, I have a PhD in Leadership in Education Administration.

I am a speaker, emcee, performer, and graphic designer. Finally, I am a beauty queen. I have held several state titles and even a national title.

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LLYM: WOW! There aren’t possibly enough hours in the day to do all of those things! And now you have added a magazine to your plate. I would ask if you are crazy, but I think I already know the answer to that… [giggles] Dr. Renita: [laughing] I wouldn’t say crazy, but I will say I am Faith-Full. There are so many things that drop in my spirit and so many gifts and talents that the Lord has given me. I plan to be like the person in the Bible who used all of their talents and didn’t just let them sit on the shelf. But, I am grateful to have a husband, spouse, partner who helps to support me and allows me to do all of these things.

I actually have an entire village that supports my efforts. So, I get the help at home and from surrounding areas. But, it’s not just me. If you could see my schedule…oh my! Between my “real” job, all of my personal and business activities, and then all the things my family has going on…I am shocked the app and planner can hold it all!

But, God…

FOR YOUR THOUGHTS...

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LLYM: Well, I guess you have to have some sort of crazy faith to not only believe that you can do all of those things, but to actually put thought into action…that is NEXT LEVEL! So with all of that going on, what made you want to add Lead Like You Magazine? And where did the name come from?

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