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Founder: Bill Williams
Hello Friends!
It is that time of year again! The time to remember to be thankful and start planning for the Christmas season! I am thankful for my husband, kids and all of our family. I am thankful for my friends in the business and personal world. Of course I want to remind you to shop local and from small businesses but I also want to remind you to be aware of the true meaning of CHRISTmas. It should not be about the massive amount of expensive gifts we feel obligated to buy for our loved ones or how many lights we can fit onto our house or tree. There will always be families that will not be able to give their kids even the bare necessities while others will go overboard with extravagant things our kids don’t need. Maybe we should start new traditions this year like helping another family and not going overboard with our own family.
This Season’s Hottest Holiday Gifts
The holiday season is upon us, which means it’s time to score great gifts that will bring instant gratification to everyone on your list!
To help you navigate holiday shopping, the retail experts at Rack Room Shoes are offering these trendsetting tips and ideas to make the season merry, bright and stylish for your nearest and dearest.
Caffeine Fix: Give their wardrobe the boost of energy it’s been craving. Coffee, a surprisingly decadent hue, feels like a well-deserved treat from top brands like Nike, New Balance & adidas.
Soft Served: Help them catch up on some me-time with a pair of timelessly comfortable clogs from HEYDUDE, Bearpaw and Koolaburra by Ugg.
Hey! Cute Boots: Wish lists at the ready: these versatile boots have
something for every mood. Whether you reach for laced-up combats, cozily lined styles or polished Chelsea boots, there’s something for everyone.
Call of the Wild: Animal prints have been pouncing across the runways the past few seasons and now they’re headed for closets. Bite back at the trend with PUMA, New Balance and HEYDUDE’s latest heels, sneakers, boots and more.
For one-stop holiday shopping, visit rackroomshoes.com or a Rack Room Shoes in your area for more fun and exclusive accessories only available in-store.
With this season’s hottest gifts, you’ll be everyone’s favorite gift giver, and help your loved ones step into the new year with confidence and style.
(StatePoint)
Celebrate the Season with ETSU’s December Events
In the hustle and bustle of December, East Tennessee State University invites students, employees and members of the community to take a break from preparing for finals, shopping for gifts and all the other tasks of the season and enjoy some of the great events taking place on campus as the fall semester winds down.
The university offers its popular annual Holiday Concert, along with art exhibits, ice skating, a winter enrichment camp for children and more. December is also the month when ETSU celebrates the Class of 2025 in fall Commencement activities.
The following events are open to the public and are free unless otherwise noted.
Music
‘Glory Shone Around’: ETSU Holiday Concert
December 5-6, various times –Martin Center for the Arts, ETSU Foundation Grand Hall
This beloved annual concert returns, featuring over 250 vocalists and musicians in three performances of a program that blends cherished classics and exciting new works. Performances will be at 7:30 p.m. both nights and 4 p.m. on Saturday. Tickets are $20 to $28.
‘Spirits & Sparkle’: Appalachian Equality Chorus
December 14, 4 p.m. – Martin Center for the Arts, ETSU Foundation Grand Hall
The Appalachian Equality Chorus presents a celebration of holiday memories, joy and excitement, with such favorites as “White Christmas,” “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” and more. Tickets are $20 (includes tax and fees).
Fine Arts
BFA Graphic Design
Senior Exhibitions
November 26-December 13 – TiptonAshe Gallery
Three graduating ETSU graphic design students present their capstone art displays. A reception will be held December 5 from 6-8 p.m.
‘Vintage Charm: The Collecting Legacy of Blue Ridge Pottery’
Continuing through December 12 –
Reece Museum
This exhibit features works produced
Tonight!’
December 8, 7 p.m. – Martin Center for the Arts
Actor Richard Thomas (“The Waltons,” “Ozark”) brings the humor of Mark Twain to the stage in this Emmy Awardwinning, one-man show, written and originally performed by the legendary Hal Holbrook. Tickets are $85.01 to $109.39 (including taxes and fees).
Public Talks and More
by Southern Potteries’ Blue Ridge Pottery, which began operations in 1917 in Erwin and became the largest producer of hand-painted pottery and china in the United States. Foreign competition and the increasing popularity of plastic dinnerware led to the company’s liquidation in the 1950s.
‘The Place Speaks’ Exhibit
Continuing through December 12 –
Reece Museum
This exhibit, which explores how sacred histories are presented through visual art in Appalachia, highlights works by the Rev. Jimmy Morrow and other Appalachian and Southern artists, as well as significant artifacts from the museum’s permanent collection.
Theater/Cinema
Richard Thomas in ‘Mark Twain
ETSU
Synthetic Ice-Skating Rink
Continuing through December 13, various days/hours – University Commons
ETSU’s popular synthetic ice-skating rink is open for the season. Students, faculty and staff skate for free, and public admission is $5 per person (includes skate rental). Hours are Thursdays and Fridays from 5-9 p.m. and Saturdays and Sundays from 2-7 p.m. through Saturday, December 13; the rink will be closed during Thanksgiving week, when the university is closed.
‘Epigenetics 101: How Experience Gets Under the Skin’
December 10, 1 p.m. – via Zoom
Dr. Mary Jo Hedrick will provide a foundational overview of epigenetics, the study of how environmental factors influence gene expression without
altering DNA sequence during this talk in the ETSU/Ballad Health Strong BRAIN Institute Resilience Series.
Discover Quillen: Meet Our Leadership and Learn What Sets Us Apart
December 11, 5 p.m. – via Zoom
Anyone interested in exploring medical school is invited to hear about ETSU’s Quillen College of Medicine directly from members of the Quillen family.
ROTC Fall Commissioning
December 12, 1 p.m. – D.P. Culp Student Center ballroom
Seven cadets in the Army ROTC Program at ETSU will take the oath of office and be commissioned as second lieutenants in this ceremony. The new officers will serve in various branches upon graduation from ETSU.
Fall Commencement
December 12, 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. –Ballad Health Athletic Center (MiniDome)
ETSU will celebrate the Class of 2025 in two Commencement ceremonies. Special featured speakers are Fred Sauceman, author, broadcaster, educator and ETSU alumnus, during the 10 a.m. ceremony, and Tara Scarlett, president and CEO of the Scarlett Family Foundation, during the 2 p.m. ceremony. Complete information for graduates and guests is available on the Commencement web page.
Renaissance Child Winter Enrichment
December 15-19, 8 a.m.-5 p.m. –Warf-Pickel Hall, room 411
Children in grades 1-5 are invited to this week-long enrichment camp that brings together science, technology, reading, engineering, art and math in a playful and imaginative way. Registration is $200, and space is limited to 30 campers.
SODOKU CROSSWORD
DROP QUOTE
ACROSS
1. Bawdy
8. Sci-fi flick cast member
13. Gastronomes
14. ____ King
16. Cloths by the sink
17. "___ Fideles": Christmas carol
18. Participates
19. Fireproof material
21. Socially challenged
22. "For Your ____ Only"
23. Seven Deadly ____
24. Old coin of France
25. Finito
26. Island near Molokai
27. Romeo
30. NFL middle-man
31. "Would you like to see ___?" (waiter's query)
33. Gov't security
35. Narrow waterway
36. Like some teeth
40. ___ the side of caution
42. Cookie with a filling
43. UN workers' agcy.
46. Keep ____ on it (keep secret)
47. Read a bar code
48. Unexpected benefits
50. Charleston offshoot
52. Drip source
53. Fill with affection
54. "___ to India" ('84 film)
56. Film a scene over
57. Gold-medalist skater, Scott
58. Sign up for more issues
59. Like a cyclops
Answers to this week’s puzzles can be found on page 09.
Down
1. Voices one's views
2. Casual eatery
3. Timetable
4. Indian seasoning
5. Chunks of history
6. Battery term.
7. Experimenter
8. Dull colors
9. Took a taxi
10. Texas city
11. 1992 thriller "Basic ___"
12. Explode
13. Earthly paradise
15. Soldier's assent
20. Bosnian, e.g.
22. WALL-E's girlfriend
25. Gamete
26. "Indecent Proposal" director Adrian
28. "Door's open, come ___!"
29. Librettist Harbach
31. Passenger plane
32. Soak chicken, e.g.
34. In a despicable way
35. More authentic
37. Slightly, in music
38. Cheyenne cousin
39. A hundred yrs.
41. One who's "out"
44. Identify the coordinates of
45. What monotheists believe in
47. Woman with a temper
48. "April in Paris" bandleader
49. British weapon
51. Field animal's harness
52. Fortune's partner
55. Skillet, e.g.
Mark Twain
TRI-CITIES NIGHTLIFE
WEDNESDAY
Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at The Pub Out Back (The Italian Pizza Pub) - Johnson City 7pm
Karaoke w/ Eric Huskins VFW Post 2108 – Johnson City, TN 8pm
Karaoke Night at Wonderland Lounge and Bar - Johnson City, TN 9pm
Karaoke with Ron at Kingsport Moose Lodge 6:30pm
Loudmouth Karaoke at Michael Waltrip Brewing Company - Bristol, VA on Wednesday, April 5th at 7pm
THURSDAY
Karaoke w/ Absolute Entertainment at Tulips Grub & Pub - Johnson City, TN 8pm
Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at Wild Wings Cafe - Johnson City, TN 9pm
Karaoke at Numan’s - Johnson City, TN 10pm
Karaoke at Jiggy Rays Pizzeria - Johnson City, TN
Karaoke at Tipsy Toad Tavern - Jonesborough, TN
FRIDAY
Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at Rainbow Asian Cuisine - Johnson City, TN 9pm
Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at The Sports Mill - Kingsport, TN 8pm
Karaoke w/ Eric Huskins VFW Post 2108 – Johnson City, TN 8pm
Karaoke at Numan’s – Johnson City, TN 10pm
Karaoke with Handsome Hodge Entertainment at O’Mainnin’s Pub and Grille - Bristol, TN 10pm
SATURDAY
Karaoke with Absolute Entertainment at Tulips Grub & Pub Johnson City, TN 8pm
Karaoke at Numan’s – Johnson City, TN 10pm
Karaoke w/ Eric Huskins VFW Post 2108 – Johnson City, TN 8pm
Karaoke at Numan’s – Johnson City, TN 10pm
Karaoke with DJ Clyde and Prestige Entertainment at Macado’s -Kingsport, TN 9pm
Karaoke with Handsome Hodge Entertainment at O’Mainnin’s Pub and Grille - Bristol, TN 10pm
TRIVIA BINGO DJ NIGHT
TUESDAY
Team Trivia at Wild Wing Café Johnson City TN
DJ Trivia at Union Street Taproom Erwin, TN 5pm
Trivia at The Corner Bar Bristol, VA 8pm
Trivia at Aubrey’s Johnson City 7pm
WEDNESDAY
Trivia at Tipsy Toad Jonesborough, TN 7pm
Trivia Night Mellow Mushroom
Bristol, VA 7pm
Trivia at Aubrey’s Bristol 7pm
THURSDAY
Mellow Trivia at Mellow Mushroom
Johnson City, TN- 7pm
Trivia at Riverside Taphouse at South Fork
Bluff City, TN 7pm
TUESDAY
Singo at Riverside Taphouse at South Fork Bluff City, TN 6:30pm
WEDNESDAY
Bingo at Tipton Street Pub
Johnson City, TN 9pm
Singo at Holy Taco & Cantina
Boones Creek, TN 8pm
Blazin’ Bingo at Mellow Mushroom Johnson City, TN 6pm
THURSDAY
Bingo at Mellow Mushroom Bristol VA 6pm
Singo at Aubrey’s Bristol 7:00 PM
THURSDAY
DJ B-Digital at O’Mainnin’s Pub and GrilleBristol, TN 10pm
FRIDAY
Handsome Hodge Entertainment at O’Mainnin’s Pub - Bristol, TN 10pm
SATURDAY
Handsome Hodge Entertainment at O’Mainnin’s Pub - Bristol, TN 10pm
SUNDAY
DJ B-Digital at O’Mainnin’s Pub and GrilleBristol, TN 10pm
Appalachian Equality Chorus Brings “Spirits & Sparkle” to ETSU Martin Center,
Presented by Choice Health Network Pharmacy
The Appalachian Equality Chorus (AppEC) returns to the ETSU Martin Center for the Arts on Sunday, December 14 at 4:00 PM with Spirits & Sparkle, a joyful holiday spectacular featuring more than 140 singers, orchestra, dancers, and actors.
This year’s performances carry special meaning as the Chorus community remembers Donald (Doña) Rickels, an iconic pillar of the ensemble and wider LGBTQ+ community. Rickels brought the audiencefavorite character Marge Williams to life onstage with trademark humor, tenderness, and heart — a creation that quickly became a beloved part of AppEC’s holiday storytelling.
Honoring a Beloved Community Icon
“Donald — who many lovingly knew as Doña — breathed life and love into Marge Williams in a way that made audiences feel embraced just by watching her walk out,” said Artistic Director Dr. Alan Stevens. “That artistry and generosity shaped who we are as a chorus. Her spirit is still very much here.”
Directed by Dr. Stevens and new Assistant Artistic Director Dr. Lindsey Cope, Spirits & Sparkle follows three holiday spirits exploring the magic of the season through past, present, and future — with surprise visitors and plenty of sparkle woven throughout.
“I’m thrilled for my first concert with AppEC,” said Dr. Cope. “This group sings with such heart. Making my debut in a story filled with warmth, humor, and big musical moments feels incredibly special.”
The concert features a mix of classic and contemporary favorites including “Last Christmas,” “Underneath the Tree,” “Like a Prayer,” and “DJ Play a Christmas Song.”
Executive Director Bleu Copas added, “The holidays can be complicated, but this show gives people a place where they feel welcome — exactly as they are. That sense of belonging is the best gift we can offer.”
OF THE WEEK PETS
another low energy chilled out cat that wouldn’t steal her food !!! She doesn’t get in a rush for anything and does the slow blink of affection!!!
5
He is a Pit Bull Terrier and is VERY lovable, weighs 58 lbs, loves to lay in your lap and nap in the sunshine. He is good with kids, somewhat dog selective, knows She is an 8 yr old tabby and a beautiful round bundle of love and purrs. Piggy has a calm and kind personality, would prefer to be the only cat or at least
basic commands, loves to go on walks and is great on a leash. Let’s get him a home before his bday9/30/18. He has been at the rescue way too long.
If you are interested in adopting : The Bridge Home No Kill Animal Shelter 423-239-5237 • 2061 Highway
THINGS TO DO THINGS TO DO
SPEEDWAY IN LIGHTS
Friday, Nov. 21 to Saturday, Jan. 3
Bristol Bristol Motor Speedway
MACRAME ORNAMENT WORKSHOP
Thu, Dec 4 • 6:30 PM
Jonesborough Mill Spring Makers Market
ELVIS TRIBUTE CHRISTMAS SHOW FT. JOHNNY DEZ
Fri, Dec 5 • 7:00 PM
Mars Hill
Mars Theatre Brewing Co.
CHRISTMAS CRAFT SHOW
Sat, Dec 6 6:30 am - 2:00 pm
Kingsport
Kingsport Farmers Market
BREAKFAST WITH SANTA
Sat, Dec 6 • 8:30 AM
Abingdon · Southwest Virginia Cultural Center & Marketplace
WINTER WONDERLAND ART MARKET
Sat, Dec 6 • 9:00 AM
Johnson City · Fischman Gallery
SANTA AT THE STATION
Sat, Dec 6 • 10:00 AM
Bristol · Bristol Train Station
CHRISTMAS AT FORT HENRY MALL
Sat, Dec 6 • 10:30 AM
Kingsport · Fort Henry Mall
NATURAL CHRISTMAS WREATH WORKSHOP
Sat, Dec 6 11:00 am - 1:00 pm
Kingsport Bays Mountain Park
INTRO TO STAINED GLASS: 3D STAR, CANDLE, OR MULTIPLE STOCKINGS AND HATS
Sun, Dec 7 • 10:00 AM
Kingsport · The Inventor Center
DECEMBER SIP 'N PAINT
Mon, Dec 8 • 6:00 PM
Wise · Mountainrose Vineyards
CRAFT COURSE: CHRISTMAS TEA LIGHT HOLDER
Thu, Dec 11th • 6:00 PM
Johnson City Lumber and Craft
BRUNCH WITH SANTA Sat, Dec 13th • 11:00 AM
Johnson City
Holiday Inn Johnson City
VERY MERRY
HOLIDAY PARTEA
Sat, Dec 13th
12:00 PM and 2:00 PM
Sun. Dec 14th
12:30 PM and 2:30 PM
Jonesborough
The Historic Eureka Inn
ALLANDALE CHRISTMAS TOURS
Sat, Dec 13th & Sun Dec.4th
1:00 pm - 6:00 pm
Kingsport
Allandale Mansion
ELF THE MUSICAL JR. Sat, Dec 13th 3:30 PM
The Lincoln Theatre • Marion, VA Fri, Dec 19 • 7:00 PM
Take a guided tour of Tennessee’s oldest frame house and enjoy the beauty of this elegant frontier home built by Colonel John Carter between 1775 and 1780. Learn about the historically significant role played by the Carter family in the early settlement of East Tennessee while you appreciate this gem of historic preservation beautifully decorated for the Christmas season. Accessibility to the home includes steps and an interior staircase. Tour lasts approximately 45 minutes. Maximum of 12 participants per tour. Meet at the Historic John and Landon Carter Mansion 1031 Broad Street, Elizabethton, TN 37643.
Sabine Hill Guided Tours **
December 4, 9, 14, & 18
1:30 PM Cost: $10 Adult \ $8 Seniors 65+ \ $8 Veterans & Active Military \ $5 Ages 17 & Under Registration requiredwww.tnstateparks.com/parks/ events/sycamore-shoals
Enjoy a guided tour of this stately home built by Mary Patton Taylor, widow of Brigadier General Nathaniel Taylor. The site has been described as one of the finest examples of Federal architecture in the State of Tennessee. Take in the colorful and architecturally detailed interior all decked out for the holiday season while learning about the influential Taylor family who called Sabine Hill home in the early 19th century. Please note, only portable
DECEMBER 2025 EVENTS
toilet facilities are available at this time. Accessibility to the home includes steps and an interior staircase. Tour lasts approximately 45 minutes. Maximum of 12 participants per tour. Meet at Sabine Hill State Historic Site 2328 West G Street, Elizabethton, TN 37643.
Furs & Pelts of the
Saturday, December 6
Longhunter
12:00 PM – 1:00 PM Cost: Free Ever wonder why currency is often referred to as “bucks”? How did Buffalo Mountain get its name? Join Ranger Jason Davis to discover firsthand the various types of furs and pelts sought after by long hunters on the frontier during the 18th century. All ages are welcome to attend this free program in the Visitor Center lobby.
Winter In Two Worlds
Sunday, December 7 2:00 PM Cost: Free (donations accepted)
Many of our modern wintertime traditions involve holidays and family gatherings. How do our 21st-century practices differ from the frontier families who first arrived here in the 1760s? What about the Cherokee’s traditions during the winter months? Come learn how similarly - and differently - these two cultures spent their time during the coldest time of year, from the practical to the ceremonial. Join Park Ranger Taylor Moorefield for this free program in the visitor center’s Gathering Place. All ages welcome. Program will last approximately 30 minutes.
Enjoy an evening tour of the Carter Mansion with Ranger Jason Davis. The elegant interior of Tennessee’s oldest frame house will be illuminated by candlelight and adorned with traditional 18th century holiday greenery. This festive setting will provide a unique opportunity to learn about the influence of the Carter family in our state’s early history. Accessibility to the home includes steps and an interior staircase. Maximum of 12 participants per tour.
Candles were an essential source of lght in the 18th century. In this handson program, learn the history of the candle, the common materials used to make them, and dip your own candles to bring home with you. Program is for ages 7 and above. Children must be assisted by an adult to ensure the safety of all participants. Parents assisting their children but not making their own candle do not need to pay for admission.
Making Charcloth for Flint & Steel Fires
Thursday, December 18
2:00 PM Cost: $10
Maximum of 12 participants
Join Park Ranger Taylor Moorefield for a demonstration of how to make
charcloth, a vital piece of equipment for your flint & steel fire kit! Charcloth is quick and easy to make and was a very common material on the 18th century frontier. However, like many traditional skills, it is rarely practiced today. Each participant can take a piece of charcloth home. Watch the process of pyrolysis and see firsthand what makes charcloth so useful for a variety of fire-starting methods. Meet at the Talbot House, 2nd cabin on the left when entering Fort Watauga from the sidewalk.
Join Park Ranger Taylor Moorefield for a seasonal story time inside a log cabin. Various traditional stories will be shared, including some centered around the Christmas season during the 18th century. Learn about General Washington’s crossing of the Delaware on Christmas Day, our own Landon Carter, and the revolutionary battles he fought in during the Christmas season of 1780, as well as more far-fetched tales – like when Davy Crockett saved the world by thawing out the sun one cold winter morning. Meet at the Talbot House, 2nd cabin on the left when entering Fort Watauga from the sidewalk. Hot cocoa included!
* Outdoor programs are subject to cancellation in the event of severe weather conditions. Contact the park for details.
Tri-Cities Christmas Parades
December 1st:
Lebanon at 6 p.m.
December 4th:
Bristol at 7 pm
December 5th:
Marion at 7 pm
December 6th:
Johnson City at 10:30 am
Church Hill at 11 am
Rogersville at 4 pm
Abingdon at 5:30 pm
Kingsport at 6 pm
Gate City at 7 pm
December 7th:
Greeneville at 2 pm
December 13th:
Surgoinsville at 11 am
Grundy at 5 pm
Elizabethton at 6 pm
Jonesborough at 6 pm
Mount Carmel at 6 pm
Harrah’s Cherokee Center - Asheville
Announces Upcoming Lineup of Must-See Concerts This Season
Tickets and more information can be found at: HarrahsCherokeeCenter Asheville.com.
The Harrah’s Cherokee Center - Asheville, the largest music, sports, and performance venue in Western North Carolina, is excited to announce its upcoming schedule of live performances featuring a mix of national touring acts and local favorites. Members of the media are invited to cover these events and experience the vibrant atmosphere that makes the venue a cornerstone of the local music scene.
NOVEMBER
11/30: Men’s Basketball - UNC Asheville vs App State
11/30: Men’s Basketball - The Citadel vs Presbyterian
DECEMBER
12/2: Men’s Basketball - UNC Asheville vs UNC Greensboro
12/4: Asheville Symphony: Cirque de la Symphonie
12/5: An Evening with Anne Wilson
12/6-7: The Big Crafty
12/7: Napoleon Dynamite Live!
12/9: Nutcracker! Magical Christmas Ballet
12/13: Warren Haynes Presents The
Christmas Jam
12/19-20: Ingles Great Smoky Mountain Grapple 2025
For upcoming shows in 2026, please visit our website for more shows:
HarrahsCherokeeCenter Asheville.com
TUESDAYS
BRIM & MARCI LEAL
WOOD FIRED PIZZA. BURGERS. DRINKS. & FUN.
WEDNESDAYS HB BEVERLY
THURSDAYS
JUSTIN MYCHALS
HAPPY HOUR
Barter Theatre Brings New Holiday Story to Life with The Innkeeper’s
— Virginia’s Historic State Theatre debuts original retelling of the Nativity story — Barter Theatre invites audiences to experience The Innkeeper’s Wife, a heartwarming take on the greatest story ever told, written by Resident Playwright Catherine Bush. Playing November 22nd through December 28th at Barter’s Smith Theatre, this new, original work offers a fresh and humorous look at
Wife
the night that changed history forever.
Set in Bethlehem during the time of the census, the play follows Saul, the town’s overworked innkeeper, and his wife Leah, whose illness keeps her confined to bed. When a young couple arrives at their door seeking shelter, Leah finds herself at the center of a miracle that will transform not only her life, but the entire world.
Social Sentiments
By Wendy Hayden socialsentiments
Startling Social
Imagine checking your notifications and seeing that someone has vieweda videoyou posted. This person is not only not following you, they have you blocked. Sohow were they able to see your video? A burner account (an account that is onlyused for the purposes of viewing profiles that person would normally not haveaccess to) allowed access to your profile and everything you've posted.
Using a burner account can often leave a trail. For instance, if you post a TikTokvideo on Facebook and someone views that video, TikTok will reveal the account information for that viewer. Comparable to snapping a twig in the forest whiletrying to hide, liking or viewing a post that you should not normally have accesstowill eventually get you caught.
After you have been caught,
the victim tends to feel less safe. Someone is constantly watching and the victim now feels on constant alert. The victimmaynever know why the other person feels the need to know every single detail abouttheir life. Social media profiles are used to create connections, but the personbeingstalked would rather not connect with you. Minding your own business andlettingthem live their life instead of chomping at the bit for their next post will serveyouwell.
Internet users should never have to live in fear. Placing themin a situationwherethey have no idea what they can do to stop trouble from finding themputs unduestress on an undeserving person. Before you click on that profile, consider theimpact your actions will have on them and how easily you will get caught. What will you say when confronted about your actions
FHG Productions Presents A Christmas Carol
“A CHRISTMAS CAROL” an original adaptation of the classic Charles Dick ens holiday story will be presented by FHG Productions - December 12 - 21! Fridays and Saturdays at 7:00 pm, Sundays at 5:00 pm, with a special matinee performance on Sat. Dec. 20 at 2pm at 2152 Hawthorne Street, Kingsport, TN. Adults $12; Children $10; Under 5 Free. For tickets or more info: FHGProduc tions.org. - Where Professional Quality Meets Community Soul.
This classic Christmas Ghost Story follows the adventures of Ebenezer Scrooge - the meanest cheapskate to ever walk the streets of jolly old England and how his world is turned upside down by ghostly visitors. He is reminded of the past, made aware of the present and catches
a glimpse of the future that could be. This original adaptation brings all the colorful characters to life with humor and heart. With a large cast of all ages, it is definitely a must see!
Only seven performances are scheduled at this time and tickets are going quick ly. Reserve your seats online FHGProductions.org so you don’t miss this amazing show!
Auditions for the Sherlock Holmes mystery “Cupid’s Revenge” will be held Monday, December 29 from 6:00 - 9:00 pm. Shows will be in February 2026. Auditioners should prepare one minute monolgues showcasing their best acting skills. There will also be cold reads. Follow FHG Productions on Facebook for more audition alerts and information on our exciting 2026 season!
Holiday Do’s and Dont’s
Is it just me or is time now flying by so quickly it’s not even happening? When this article is published we will be halfway through November and my mind is still trying to process July. Bearing that in mind, the holidays are basically here, so if you’re not ready it’s probably high time to get that way. This time of year can quickly spiral from “the magical season of giving” to “stress fueled dumpster fire” without some type of game plan. Luckily for you all, in my decades of holiday hosting I’ve learned a few valuable lessons I can share. The rest, you’re going to just have to learn from experience. Behold, my abridged list of holiday do’s and dont’s!
My first DO- decorate your house in a tasteful, elegant, minimalistic, monochromatic color scheme! Which leads me to my first Don’t- DON’T listen to me, or anyone else! That is how I like MY house to look, but you feel free to go as overboard and loud as you want. If you want your house to be lit up like the Griswolds, go for it! The Christmas spirit is all about feeling warm and fuzzy, so whatever makes you feel that way is the ‘right’ way to decorate. I do request you keep the inflatable yard décor to a minimum because, respectfully, they are a bit much. But otherwise, create a Christmas scheme that is authentically you. However, DON’T leave your decorations up ‘til the groundhog can see his shadow beside them. There is nothing more depressing to me than seeing a dilapidated brown wreath hanging haphazardly on someone’s door beneath one sad string of lights a month after the glitz and glamour of the holidays has passed. If I made the rules, it would require breaking
everything down on New Year’s Day, but since I don’t it isn’t mandatory. I think a week following New Year’s is plenty of time to have enjoyed the décor and then stashed it away until next November. The way time is flying, it’ll be back before you know it anyway.
DO put your tree up whenever you’re good and ready. I have always been staunchly against Christmas trees before Thanksgiving and one of my favorite traditions has been spending black Friday picking out and decorating a tree with my family. But times and circumstances have changed, and this year with mom and dad coming to Nashville for Thanksgiving instead of me coming home plus a lack of storage space, I had to go ahead and put my tree up November 10th. It’s not so bad, and will leave time for other activities during my parents’ visit. If you love basking in the warm glow of the tree, put that sucker up and enjoy it as long as you want.
While there may be many reasons for the season, we all know food is the real star of the show. Whether you’re cheffing the main event or just contributing a snack, everyone wants to have a standout dish. But the holidays are not the time to try out a new recipe. DO make the meat of your menu classics that stand the test of time. People wait 365 days to eat Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner; DON’T throw everyone for a loop because you decided to be adventurous and switch up their favorite fried turkey for a spicy curry slow roast bird. However, I do encourage you to throw in at least one new dish for everyone’s sampling. Whether it’s a specialty cocktail or a side dish, you never know what might become everyone’s new favorite classic for years to come. There’s nothing wrong with exploring, just don’t stray so far off the beaten path
that it throws everyone for a loop. Speaking of guests, it’s time to tackle the toughest do’s and dont’s of them all- with whom and where you will spend your quality holiday time. It’s a fact that being forced to mingle with people you only see once a year can get dicey or in some cases downright ugly; for some it’s what makes the holidays miserable. If that’s the case, DON’T do it. Just because someone shares a blood line with you doesn’t require suffering through an evening of dry turkey through gritted teeth and tears in the bathroom. DO surround yourself with people you love who bring you joy, whether it’s family or friends or the bartender down the street who can’t get back home this year. People put way too much emphasis on sharing these special occasions simply because ‘blood is thicker than water.’ I say to heck with that; sometimes you just aren’t compatible no matter who the person is. But in the spirit of forgiveness, DO make an honest effort to mend any burned bridges that might be weighing on you. While it’s not healthy to let any old person back into your life, if you find yourself missing someone or you’re just being petty because someone you genuinely enjoy shares a different view than yours politically, let that stuff go. Life is too short to hold grudges.
Finally, DO put a focus on tradition and making memories. People get so caught up in material things during the holidays, when the real joy and magic comes from the feelings within. The glow of lights, the smells of yummy desserts, the playful bickering while trimming the tree…this is what leaves lasting impressions, not how many likes you got on the Instagram video unwrapping the latest Jordans. Each year, DO resurrect the things from years past that are unique to your family, whether it’s watching a
by Kathie Scalf
certain movie, playing board games or a recreating Grandma’s classic Grinch punch. But DON’T be afraid to start a new tradition! Maybe this year everyone is saving money so you draw names, or someone gets a karaoke machine and spikes Grandma’s punch and it’s a hit; if something new is fun, bring it back the next year.
Don’t let the true values of Christmas get lost in the commercial BS of social media and television. Do things that make you feel good on the inside and you can guarantee the best holiday season ever. Give to those less fortunate, forgive those who deserve it, spend time with the people you love and decorate as little or as much as you want. Keep it simple and low stress and remember, if worst comes to worst, it’ll be over before you know it! Happy Holidays!
XO - Kathie
Christmas in the Country at Exchange Place
Exchange Place (EP), Kingsport’s Living History Farm (4812 Orebank Road), invites you to celebrate the holiday season at its annual Christmas in the Country on Saturday, December 6 from 10:00 am until 4:00 pm. Admission is $5 for adults and free for children under 12. Please plan to join us for the final public event of the year and experience what makes the farmstead, proudly listed on the National Register of Historic Places, such a special place.
Christmas in the County is a cherished holiday celebration featuring fresh greenery, unique crafts, delicious foods, and demonstrations of winter farm activities that enable Exchange Place to advance its mission to educate community members about mid-19th century farm life in Northeast Tennessee.
More than 40 vendors will sell unique folks arts and handicrafts, such as pottery, soaps, paintings, greeting cards, hand-woven scarves and towels, hand-knitted gloves and mittens, wooden ware, jewelry and jewelry boxes, wooden puzzles, blown-glass items, leather-goods, and even handmade buttons to gift or dress-up a favorite item of your own. Gifts range from practical to fanciful and fun, making it easy to find something for everyone on your holiday shopping list.
A featured vendor for more than 20 years, Mountain City’s Vickie Price and her family will sell hand-crafted and freshly cut wreaths, swags, roping and greenery bundles.
Your mouth will surely water just thinking about the tasty treats for sale. Be sure to bring an appetite to savor warm cinnamon rolls, breads, cookies, fried pies, mini-cakes, freshly roasted nuts, homemade candies, honey, and hand-poured chocolates. Two Dads Cafe and Catering will return with their lunch and dessert offerings. In their first time at EP the Rhineharts of Kingsport will be cooking Brunswick Stew over the open fire and sharing its centuries old history.
The newly revamped Museum Shop, located next to the Roseland building, is filled to the brim with unique
locally crafted gifts and decorations, including vintage split-oak baskets, pottery, lye soap, vintage toys (can you solve the bent nail puzzle?), crocheted and knitted winter apparel, quilt square pins, and shimmering fused glass ornaments. The Shop also carries a variety of Exchange Placebranded items like seasonal prints, a cookbook, three-dimensional tree ornaments, wrapping paper, a jigsaw puzzle, and note cards. Of special interest are holiday ornaments, felted coasters, dryer balls, and adorable sheep figurines made with naturally dyed Cotswold fleece sheared from EP’s very own sheep! New this year are organic stone-ground grits and cornmeal from Heritage Virginia Mills in Nicklesville, Virginia.
Next door, Roseland will be home to
bed! Peek into the Blacksmith Shop to watch as metal is shaped in the forge.
To complete your tour, please say hello to EP’s animal residents: Jenny, our friendly donkey, Bliss, our American Milking Devon cow, mustangs Thunder and Lightning, 12 chickens, one rooster, Guinea hogs Pickle and Pork, and five Cotswold sheep, including Dandelion, who was born in spring 2025.
Hands-on activities and educational displays for all ages will be scattered around the farmstead. Youth are invited to dip bayberry candles, help decorate a tree for the birds, and create a greeting card from paper scraps just as children in 1850 might have done. This year’s celebration spotlights pinecones and pine boughs to inspire their use as natural elements in your holiday decorations.
the Overmountain Weavers Guild as they weave and spin EP’s Cotswold fleece on the porch. Hand-woven, handspun, and knitted fiber items will be available for purchase as well.
Outside the Burow Museum, visitors will find a decorated, red-seated carriage, perfect for social media posts, selfies, and holiday card photos. Guests can also take photos of their smiling faces in the center of a large wreath. Inside
Visit historic buildings, like the Gaines Store and Post Office and the Gaines/ Preston House, where costumed interpreters will describe a day-in-thelife of 1800s farmstead residents. Be sure to ask about the authentic rope
will be available for additional fees. Heritage Chair Caner Doug Lowman will present an “Introduction to Chair Caning” from 10 am-3 pm. Participants will gain the skills to weave a square or rectangular seat in a chair or stool. The workshop fee is $75. All materials and tools will be provided. The workshop is best suited for those with moderate hand strength who have not had any recent shoulder, arm, or hand injuries.
Master Gardener Joy Moore will lead a “Make a Kissing Ball” workshop from 1 pm-3 pm. Kissing balls, which date back centuries, were hung in doorways to bring luck to all who walked under them. The $10 fee includes all materials.
Pre-registration and pre-payment are required for both workshops; space is limited, so please register at your earliest opportunity by emailing epfestivals.gf@gmail.com.
The Eden’s Ridge Hearth Cookery Society will make cinnamon waffles and ginger cakes during the event and will serve wassail after the Yule Log ceremony.
The Junior Apprentices (JAs), a group of youth age 12-18 who learn about history and skills associated with rural early American life, will be popping popcorn, decorating the Yule Log, making oldtime and Victorian Christmas crafts, and demonstrating in the forge and woodshed. To raise funds for their program, the JAs will also be offering for sale a variety of handmade and historically inspired items, including tulip poplar bark baskets, Christmas crackers, old-fashioned toys, and baked goods. Two fantastic do-it-yourself workshops
The Yule Log Ceremony at the close of the day’s festivities offers a chance to participate in an age-old Christmas tradition, sing carols, sip wassail, and encourage blessings for the New Year. Beginning at 4:15 pm, this free event offers attendees the opportunity to symbolically cast out the ills of the past year, and seek goodness for the coming year, all while promoting peace on earth and goodwill to our fellowman. After the ceremony around the fire, make your way to the historic kitchen where a cup of hot wassail awaits you. Enjoy the fellowship of volunteers, friends, and neighbors as you help usher in the holiday season in this, Exchange Place’s gift to the community.
For more information, please call Exchange Place at 423-288-6071, visit our website (exchangeplacetn. org), and follow us on Facebook (ExchangePlaceKingsport).
Exchange Place is a living history farm whose mission is to preserve and interpret the heritage of midnineteenth century farm life in Northeast Tennessee. Exchange Place is a non-profit organization maintained and operated by volunteers and is supported by donations, fundraisers, memberships and grants.
This time of year there is an overwhelming choice of Christmas movies to watch, the classics and new efforts released yearly. This year sees the release of "8-Bit Christmas", based on the Kevin Jakubowski novel of the same name. The film stars Neil Patrick Harris in the role of Jake Doyle who is dealing with his young daughter's wish for a cell phone for Christmas. Jake keeps telling his daughter she is too young for the responsibility of a cell phone, and when the two arrive at his mother's house for the holidays, he takes his daughter up to his room and introduces her to the Nintendo Entertainment System he had as a kid in the 1980's. As the two begin to play a video game, Jake tells his daughter the story of how he came into possession of the once coveted game system. The film then flashes back to 1988 where young Jake is then played by Winslow Fegley, who along with his group of friends all desire to have a Ninento system for Christmas. The group of kids at the local school all want to play the expensive game system so badly they deal with a local rich kid who is the only one in
By Ken Silvers
8-Bit
the immediate area in possession of the system. Each afternoon the kids gather in front of the rich kids house and wait for him to come out and pick several of them to come inside to play video games. However, once inside, most of the chosen few must just sit and watch him play while he teases them endlessly. Meanwhile, at the Doyle home, Jake is continually dropping hints to his parents, played by Steve Zhan and June Diane Raphael, that he wants the game system for Christmas. For the most part, Jake's wishes fall on deaf ears, but Jake is not one to give up so easily. Jake's sister is even willing to help him in his efforts to get the game system if he agrees to help convince their parents to get her a Cabbage Patch Doll, another hot Christmas toy in 1988, for Christmas. Even though his sister is now helping, all seems lost for Jake's Christmas wishes until his local Boy Scout troop announces the one scout who sells the most Christmas wreaths will win the first prize of...a Nintendo Game System! This announcement sets the scout troop into overdrive to see who can sell the most wreaths. While this is occuring, Jake is still attempting to secure a Cabbage Patch Doll for his sister, as his sister has devised a brilliant way to sell more wreaths. After the Boy Scout contest ends, all does not turn out well as the prize has been changed thanks to the efforts of the father of the rich kid who had the only Nintendo set. One afternoon the rich kid has a meltdown resulting in the destruction of a television and the near death of the family's pet dog. However, Jake is still undeterred and when his friends are together they discover the baseball cards one of their group received are worth quite a bit of money, and they sell the cards and devise a plan to get a game system during a school trip to Chicago. I will not reveal anymore
at this point, less to save all fun of what happens in Chicago during the school trip. The story does flash back and forth between the present day and 1988, and ends on a very surprising and satisfying note for those who have not read the novel. Harrris is perfect for this role, as is the young actor who plays the younger Jake. The supporting cast is great, and you get a nostalgic feel for the holidays in the 1980's for those who were around then. "8-Bit Christmas"
is a fun and heartwarming film of how Christmas is so much more than "things" or getting what we perceive as the desires of our heart. I recommend you add "8-Bit Christmas" to your list of holiday viewing. Now playing on HBO Max. (Rated PG)
BRISTOL TN/VA
Dec 19 Morgan Wade –Home For the Holidays
Jan 9 An Evening with Dailey & Vincent 2026
Jan 23 Tusk – The Classic Fleetwood Mac Tribute
Feb 6 Noise Pollution
AC/DC Experience
Feb 15 Craig Ferguson – Pants on Fire
Feb 20 Sebastian Bach
Feb 27 Billy Gibbons & the BFG Band
Mar 1 Tab Benoit with Paul Thorn
Mar 13 Larry Fleet – Another Year Older
Mar 21 Chris Funk
Apr 24 The Bellamy Brothers HARD ROCK LIVE
Dec 6 Sara Evans
Dec 7 Wheel Of Fortune Live!
Dec 13 Ricky Skaggs & Kentucky Thunder
Jan 15 Don McLean
Jan 23 Rob Thomas
Feb 14 David Foster & Katharine McPhee
Feb 21 Blackberry Smoke
Mar 7 Bert Kreischer (2 shows)
Apr 25 & 26 The Price Is RightLive Stage Show
May 8 Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
JOHNSON CITY
MARTIN CENTER FOR THE ARTS
Feb 14 The Black Jacket Symphony Presents Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall’
CONCERT SCHEDULE CONCERT SCHEDULE
Feb 9 Dean Z: The Ultimate Elvis
Feb 11 38 Special
Mar 20 The Breakers: A Tribute to Tom Petty
Apr 11 Dailey & Vincent
Apr 17 1964 The Tribute
Apr 25 Yacht Rock the Dock with Ambrosia & John Ford Coley
May 3 The Texas Tenors
May 8 BlackHawk
May 19 Brothers of the Heart
MARION VA
MARION VA
THE LINCOLN THEATRE
Dec 4 An Evening with: Jimmy Fortune and Band
Dec 6 Song of the Mountains with Marty Raybon of Shenendoah and Maddye Trew
Dec 18 A Magical Motown Christmas
Dec 20 Christmas with The Isaacs
Jan 03 Michael Winslow with special guest Morgan Preston
Mar 14 Second Helping: The Original Lynyrd Skynyrd Tribute
Mar 21 The Chain: A Tribute to Fleetwood Mac
Knoxville
KNOXVILLE TN
BIJOU THEATRE
Dec 8 Squirrel Nut Zippers Christmas Caravan
Dec 10 Rocky Mountain High Experience
Dec 12 Andy Wood
Dec 13 he Secret Sisters
Dec 14 Chris Renzema
Dec 21 Shakey Graves (Solo Show)
Dec 22 Mike McGill’s 13th Annual Christmas Spectacular
TENNESSEE THEATRE
Dec 5 Nate Jackson
Dec 7 Needtobreathe
Dec 9 Robert Earl Keen
Dec 10 The Allman Betts Family Revival
Dec 26 Manheim Steamroller
Feb 14 Drew And Ellie Holcomb
Feb 23 Toto
Mar 4 Cheap Trick
Apr 10 Kevin James
Apr 11 Whose Live Anyway?
Apr 13 Little Feat
Apr 18 The Temptations and The Four Tops
THOMPSON BOWLING ARENA
Dec 7 Alabama - The Band
Dec 13 Pentatonix
Jan 16 Rascal Flatts, Chris Lane and Lauren Alaina
Jan 24 Ghost - The Band
Jan 25 Nate Bargatze
Feb 5 Big Time Rush
Feb 27 Bailey Zimmerman
Mar 5 Eric Church & 49 Winchester
Apr 9 Hardy
Apr 15 Rod Stewart
KNOXVILLE CIVIC AUDITORIUM
Jan 31 The Black Jacket Symphony Presents Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall’
Mar 14 Jerry Seinfeld
Mar 17 Joe Bonamassa
Apr 1 CeCe Winans
Apr 23 Anne Wilson
KNOXVILLE CIVIC COLISEUM
Mar 19 Phil Wickham
NISWONGER PERFORMING ARTS CENTER
Dec 7 The Oak Ridge Boys
Dec 12 Natalie Grant & Danny Gokey
Celebrate Christmas
Dec 14 Tommy Emmanuel, C.G.P.
Jan 17 Twitty & Lynn: A Salute to Conway and Loretta
Jan 20 STOMP
Jan 30 Thunderstruck: America’s AC/DC Tribute
Feb 6 Wizard of Oz on Ice
Jan 10 The Fine ColombiansSteely Dan Tribute
Jan 15 Dan Tyminski Band
Jan 17 Cosmic Charlie
Jan 22 Charlie Starr
Jan 23 Scott Miller
Jan 24 Kathleen Madigan
Jan 26 The Floozies
Jan 30 Milk Man and The Big Band with Redd & The Paper Flowers
Jan 31 Back In BlackTribute To AC/DC
THE SHED
May 14 Blackberry Smoke
May 15 Blackberry Smoke
May 16 Blackberry Smoke
Jul 5 Night Moves - Tribute To Bob Seger
THE ORANGE PEEL
Dec 2 All Them Witches
Dec 5 Ok Go
Dec 8 Portugal. The Man
Dec 11 Futurebirds
Dec 14 Jessica Kirson
Dec 18 Thievery Corporation
Dec 19 Thievery Corporation
Dec 27 Nirvani - Nirvana Tribute Band
Dec 28 Mersiv
Dec 30 The Infamous Stringdusters
Dec 31 RJD2
Jan 8 Charlie Starr
Jan 11 Sam Jay
Jan 16 The Broken Hearts Tribute to Tom Petty
Jan 17 Atmosphere
Jan 22 Joe List
Jan 24 Sudan Archives
Jan 28 The Floozies & Too Many Zooz
Jan 29 Sheng Wang
Jan 30 The Wood Brothers
Jan 31 The Wood Brothers
Feb 1 Josh Ritter
Feb 3 The Wombats
Feb 4 Dry Cleaning
Feb 5 The Movement
Feb 7
Pete Yorn
Feb 12 Rory Scovel
Feb 13 ShadowGrass
Feb 14 Lindsay Lou
Feb 16 Joey Valence & Brae
Feb 17 INZO
EXPLOREASHEVILLE.COM ARENA
Dec 13 Christmas Jam: Warren Haynes, Stone Temple Pilots, MJ Lenderman & Daniel Donato
Dec 31 The Avett Brothers
Feb 10,11, 13 & 14 Billy Strings
Apr 10 Goose - The Band
THOMAS WOLFE AUDITORIUM
Dec 5 Anne Wilson
Feb 9 Sal Vulcano
Mar 31 Puscifer
Apr 11 Kevin James
Apr 12 Whose Live Anyway?
Apr 14 Waxahatchee
May 11 Mac DeMarco
MARYVILLE
ASHEVILLE
The Diary of The Twelve Days of Christmas
Hello friends and loved ones! In the many years I’ve been writing for The Loafer I have tackled the subject of the Christmas season time and time again. However, in my opinion, I do not think I ever did anything better on the subject than this piece that you’re about to read, which is appearing again in this column this season for the first time in years. A very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all.
December 25
Dear Diary,
Here we are, Christmas day! My wife and I have had a wonderful Christmas! We had a marvelous meal and enjoyed spending time with family and friends. However, we're doing something different this year. We're going to roll our gifts out over the 12 days of Christmas. Should be exciting, and perhaps let that Christmas spirit last a little longer. Today I was given a beautiful pear tree, with a partridge on the top of it. The cat is having a fit over the bird, and I'm trying to figure out where in the yard to put the tree.
December 26
Dear Diary,
Today my wife gave me two turtle doves, they're getting along just fine with the partridge. I didn't really ever think I'd have any birds in my lifetime, but now I have three. They're pretty, and they sing
Batteries
Not Included
By Andy Ross
well. The cat drools when he walks by them. We're keeping them as far away from him as possible, I have to run to PetSmart to buy bird feed.
December 27
Dear Diary,
OK, things are taking an odd turn, more birds! Today it was three French hens— though I appreciate the number thing she has going for her, I don't know what to do with French hens. Why the French ones? What was wrong with American ones? Will they lay eggs? I mean, it would be nice to have eggs on demand. Still, all these fowl are starting to be a bit foul (I'm hilarious, dairy. Hilarious).
December 28
Dear Diary,
Four colly birds! What the hell is up with all the damn birds? Did someone tell my wife I wanted to open up an aviary? Because whoever did is DEAD to me! I am now the owner of ten birds. The checkout people at PetSmart all know me by name at this point. Today I'm going to pick up more feed, and move the birds into a shack I've built in the back. Wish me luck, diary.
December 29
Dear Diary,
Finally! NO MORE BIRDS! Instead today I was given Five Golden Rings. I have no idea what I'm going to do with five golden rings, I'm just glad it wasn't more birds.
December 30
I spoke too soon. Six Geese. Where did she find all of these things!? Was QVC having a fire sale on birds or something? I really wish she was a bit more practical in her gifting. It's not that I dislike having these birds around, they're lovely. The thing is, I'm just starting to feel a little like Tippi Hedren. I buy my wife jewelry, and she keeps on giving me the bird.
December 31
Dear Diary,
Happy New Year's Eve! We're going out to a friend's tonight for a party, I'm looking forward to it. As you could guess, today it was yet more birds. Seven Swans, who have all taken up residency in our pool. They just swim, peck, eat, swim, peck, eat. PetSmart now sells food to me by the gross. We've locked the
cat down in the basement, he has that same gleam in his eyes that I do when I look at the Waffle House menu.
January 1
Dear Diary,
Happy New Year! I'm looking forward to a fresh start for a prosperous new year. We had a great time last night at the party, I fully admit that I overdid it. So much so, that I thought I was hallucinating this morning when I looked out on the lawn and saw eight young ladies milking cows. It was very real, and today's gift. I'm starting to think this whole “12 days of Christmas” thing was a horrible idea.
January 2
Dear Diary,
My life is becoming a circus. This evergrowing menagerie now has nine ladies dancing. Birds chirp, maids milk, and now women are dancing all over the house. I'm starting to feel like a club owner. As if I found a barn somewhere full of animals and just said "Dance around it all." If I hear “Cotton Eye Joe” one more time I'm going to scream for 24 hours straight.
January 3
I think today's gift was more for my wife than it was for me—actually I think this whole gift thing is just her attempt to Gaslight me. Today it was nine lords a-leaping. Men dancing this time. You can't move anywhere on my property without running into a man or a woman, wearing a leotard, jumping around as if their life depended on it. I think I've fallen into my own personal Circ Du Soleil Hell.
January 4
Dear Diary,
Eleven Pipers. That will not. Stop. Piping. You know how much I hate Renascence fairs? Well, guess what? I'm now living in the middle of one. They won't even stop at night! Who did I marry, what happened to that gal? She loved board games and Apple products, not slow torturing her spouse! I think what's far scarier, is that there was a place she could order all of this from. Do you just search for "Lords A-Leaping" on Amazon? Does that get Prime shipping?
January 5
Dear Diary,
Today is the final day, praise Jesus! I woke up this morning to what I thought was the sound of rifles being fired to finally put me out of my misery but instead was my last present. Twelve drummers. Just like the pipers of yesterday, they never stop drumming. They even followed me all the way down to the police station. Did I fail to mention that I was brought in for questioning this morning? It seems that having nine young ladies milking cows on your front lawn is a borderline violation of labor laws.
PETA has set up a protest outside my house as well, they are upset with the number of caged critters on my land. I was even on the news last night! To top it all off, this morning in my mail, I found a sternly worded letter from Oprah. Next year, I am not exchanging gifts with my wife. I'm just gonna get her a McDonald's gift card...it'll be all I can afford after the legal bills.
