Latest 7: No. 735

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SEE INSIDE FOR SEVEN DAYS OF TV LISTINGS

www.thelatest.co.uk

★ ALBION ★ NEWS ★ FOOD & DRI

TAINMENT ★ TV GUIDE ★

30 June – 6 July 2015

FREE WEEKLY

BRIGHTON’S ARTY Back to nature COOK IT! A Taste of the Caribbean comes to Drakes

OUT-RAGEOUS! The Countdown has started to Pride’s 25th Anniversary Now available on:

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CONTENTS

HEADS UP HEADS DOWN Micachu & The Shapes

Mica Levi’s soundtrack to ‘Under The Skin’ was superb, but it’s brilliant to see her back on tour in full band mode. A truly invigorating experimental artist, Micachu’s work retains strong melodies amidst the ramshackle instrumentation to thrilling effect. This intimate show will definitely sell out so act soon to make sure you get in for what will be one of the biggest indie gigs of the year in Brighton.

Green Door Store, 20 July 2015, £8/£10, www.ticketweb.co.uk, www.seetickets.com

Carlos Acosta: On Before

A real dance superstar comes to Brighton very soon and tickets are thankfully still available. Acosta collaborates with Royal Ballet Principal Dancer Zenaida Yanowsky and features work from leading choreographers including Russell Maliphant, Kim Brandstrup, Edwaard Liang and more.

Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 9-11 July 2015, £27-£42, 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org

with Joe Fuller

30 JUNE - 6 JULY

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ast week Vicky wrote about the fun Paddle Round The Pier event, and in covering for her this week I thought I’d carry on the theme of celebrating our penchant for frivolity on the beach. I love sea swimming myself.

Some might balk at the idea and tell you horror stories about bad things in the water but I choose to ignore such piffle. At least I choose not to look into it and assume it’s piffle.

There’s nothing quite like it in terms of combining socialising with friends (or contemplative alone time) with the sheer thrill of the sea itself. I went with two friends recently, and although it was certainly still cold, I’ll reiterate the old cliché that ‘once you’re in you’re fine’. We swam out quite far and when you’re out there it’s surprisingly peaceful, even moving at times. You lose the noise of the road and the coastline takes on a more ethereal mood.

When you’re with friends there’s also a sense of daring and adventure.

I know it’s arguably not a proper adventure, simply gallivanting in the sea.

But I’m often surprised by coastal residents that have never even been in.

There’s some real fun to be had for free (and it’s just on our doorstep) that takes you away from your everyday concerns for a bit.

Speaking of escapism, there’s also a wealth of cultural excursions that are available to us this Summer. I couldn’t hope to mention all the great stuff going on but here’s a few things that might be worth looking into. If you look to the left of this page, you’ll see information for Micachu & The Shapes, a gig I will certainly be attending. Green Door Store is an awesome venue too with a great atmosphere. Carlos Acosta should also be fantastic at the Dome (info to the left).

Also worth mentioning is a choral concert this week that looks sublime, with the Brighton Consort presenting Media Vita (songs of reflection and hope). Works from Lassus, JS Bach, Purcell, Mendelssohn and more will be performed at St. George’s Church, Kemptown, Saturday 4th July, 7.30pm.

Tickets are available at www.brightonconsort.org.uk

5

Celeb City David Walliams, Ella Henderson, and Sir Lenny Henry all pop up!

7

Brighton Writes Dr Caroline Oprandi talks science; Brighton & Hove Buses share their top destinations

11 Andrew Kay The ethical quandary of being an omnivore 13 Cook It Andrew Kay previews a taste of the Caribbean 14 Hotlist Restaurants, cafes and takeaway listings 14 Jessica on Film Musings on misued muses 15 Brighton’s Arty Horsham Museum and Art Gallery 15 Mike Ward at Large The joys of changing TV titles 16 Entertainment News What’s on for stage, comedy, art & music in your city

WE’VE MOVED HOUSE!

18 Reviews & Chart What’s happening, and what we reckon!

Dear readers and advertisers, after 14 very happy years in New England House, the city’s friendliest creative hub, we have moved on to new premises.

19 TV Listings TV listings for the next seven days

With the expansion of our business into television we are now at our centrally positioned TV Studio and venue.

Our new address is: Latest 14 - 17 Manchester Street Brighton BN2 1TF

@ Tuesday, June 30th, 2015 Tiith + Jipsy Magic + Mustard + Me With Others Tuesday night’s all right for scoobin’ and groovin’.

Tiith play alt rock music inspired by Radiohead, Blur and Lauryn Hill.

Doors 8.00 Price £3 advance/£4 on the door www.overheadwiresmusic.com Friday, July 3rd, 2015 Full Moon Party A night of stand-up comedy, live music and delicious food to raise funds for Klongbangrateur school, Thailand.

Doors 7.30 Price £25 (includes Thai buffet) fullmoonfundraiser.bpt.me

Our phone number is the same:

01273 818150 Thank you all for your on-going support – we will be delighted to continue working with you and for you for many years to come.

L7

LATEST GROUP

Managing Director Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Creative Director Andrew Kay Commercial Manager Patrick Kneath

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ATTENTION ALL LICENSING & PLANNING CONSULTANTS, ARCHITECTS AND SOLICITORS

Are you looking to place affordable Public Notices in a recognised publication?

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Brighton’s music venue Amy Winehouse, Chris Difford & The Kooks have all played here & the likes of Rizzle Kicks, Jesca Hoop & The Moulettes all kick started their careers with shows in the intimate cabaret bar

NEW!!

Get your band to play here by ringing 01273 687171 and ask for Jeff or email music@thelatest.co.uk Watch Latest Entertainment on

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We can now film your whole show in high definition and give you a mixed audio album and a DVD to take away with you at amazing introductory prices. We are the first venue in the UK to offer this. www.thelatest.co.uk •

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CELEB CITY with Jo Brooks Celeb news on Ella Henderson, Pete Bennett, David Walliams, Sir Lenny Henry & Pippa M!

PRIDE PROUD TO PRESENT ELLA

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rummie comedian turned actor Sir Lenny Henry had a bit of slip up this week during his performance in Willy Russell play, Educating Rita at the Minerva Theatre, Chichester. Henry, who is playing the role of the university lecturer made famous by Michael Caine, lived out every actor’s worst nightmare - he forgot his lines! The stumble happened half way through the first act and Lenny had to walk off stage to re-group. A spokesperson for the theatre said “part of the magic of theatre is that it’s a live performance and that can mean there’s an element of unpredictability. He recovered very quickly and he got a fantastic response from the audience.”

B

ow an iconic landmark of our City, the Brighton Wheel has sadly been given notice to close next Spring.

Brighton Council’s planning committee voted six to four in favour of not allowing the attraction to stay open past its current permission. My advice to all fans of heights and the dulcet tones of Steve Coogan (who does the Wheel’s audio tour) is to grab a ride during the summer months before the wheel closes.

N

he London to Brighton bike ride is a highlight in the city’s calendar and annually raises huge amounts for the brilliant British Heart Foundation. This year however, the 54-mile ride was honoured to have a royal bottom seated atop one of the bicycles when the aunty to our future King- Pippa Middleton - took part alongside her brother James. As a long-term ambassador for the charity, Pippa, 31 led the group of around 22,000 cyclists from Clapham Common in London to the finish line on the seafront in Brighton. Ms Middleton was said to be thrilled to have completed the course.

T ore line-up news over at Brighton Pride HQ as the team announce that former X Factor contestant Ella Henderson will be performing at this year’s Preston Park festival. The singer had a number one single and album after her stint on the talent show in 2012 and joins Fatboy Slim, The Human League, Foxes and the delectable Ruby Rose, star of the new series of ‘Orange Is the new Black’.

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righton boy, the lovely Pete Bennett made a return to the Big Brother house last week as part of a ‘time-warp’ special that saw ex-housemates thrown back into the Orwell inspired TV show. Tourettes sufferer Pete sadly declared himself homeless earlier this year, confessing to Jeremy Kyle on his ITV show that he'd lost every penny of the £100,000 prize he won in 2006. He commented: 'It all kind of went wrong, it didn't go to plan.

I had all that money and I didn't know what to do with it. I put it on the wrong things. I was homeless after having so much money, it's easy come, easy go.

The fame pushed me in a way I didn't want to go, I didn't like it.'

B

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

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Spotted! Little Britain genius and sometime Brighton resident David Walliams crossing the road while chatting animatedly on his mobile, Mayfair London. The Britain’s Got Talent judge was looking much tanned and well turned out in a crisp white shirt and chinos.

Have you spotted a celeb in the city? send your sightings and a pic if you get one to job@jb-pr.com

Follow me: latestcelebcity

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007_LS735_science_buses_011_LS466_interview 26/06/2015 14:46 Page 1

brighton & hove buses

science

UNLOCKING POTENTIAL

GET ON BOARD

Dr Caroline Oprandi Keeping you up to date with science and technology at PACA

Brighton & Hove Buses the only way to travel This week: Groombridge Place

Y

ou may not realise it but there are all sorts of interesting and unusual places to visit on the Brighton & Hove bus network – stretching out to Eastbourne, the South Downs, and Groombridge Place to name but a few.

Groombridge Place

O

n Monday we are going to the Royal Academy because we have reached the finals for the TeenTech competition. The pupils have been working extremely hard during their lunchtime and afterschool in order to get the project ‘Starburst Elements’ finished. Anthony from the University of Sussex has volunteered both his time and expertise on this project and a group of year 9 pupils have been learning to code, to use Raspberry Pi’s, Arduino sensors and RFID readers. The year 9s trialled their interactive 3D periodic table game on a group of year 7s and the feedback they got was ‘awesome’. It was a very proud moment for me when I witnessed the delight on the year 9s’ faces.

The game involves scanning objects made by the 3D printer to ultimately see which element the object contains. The scanned object will then light up an element on the periodic table via an LED. There is a leader board to keep score when playing the actual game. It is such a winning formula of educating children since we are using expertise from the University of Sussex’s Informatics Department to teach a group of children a set of skills, who then go onto use it to teach even younger children a concept. The actual game idea and interface can be used for a variety of different games, such as a maths game or geography game. I am calling the project ELF games: Educational Learning Fun games, designed for the classroom by pupils for pupils.

There was no assessment for learning involved, no marking of books, no exams or grades, no seeing how we progressed from the start of the project to the finish since the learning along the way was always evident, plus the pupils carried this out willingly in their spare time. It made me think- why can’t all learning be this way where the goal of learning is driven by the pupils natural desire to achieve and discover, rather than an employer’s desire to use a grading structure to sift out potential candidates?

It was a proud moment when I witnessed the delight on the year 9s’ faces

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Groombridge Place Manor House and its elegant 17th century gardens were used as a location for the 2005 film ‘Pride and Prejudice’.

The Groombridge Place estate is approximately 200 acres and includes a canal, vineyard, arable farmland, and area of ancient woodland. The house is a private residence but the gardens, canal and woodlands have been opened up to the public since the 1990s.

There are plenty of activities for children here.

They can enjoy stunning birds of prey displays in the grounds (not on Mondays except Bank Holiday Mondays), or explore the magical mystical Enchanted Forest - an ancient woodland full of very unusual secrets! Events are held here throughout the summer.

Check out the website groombridgeplace.com for more information about what you can do and entry prices.

Its elegant 17th century gardens were used as a location for the 2005 film ‘Pride and Prejudice’

Getting there

To get to Groombridge from Brighton requires a change of bus at Tunbridge Wells. Brighton & Hove’s Regency Route 29, which runs up to every 30 minutes, will get you to Tunbridge Wells, then hop on a Metrobus Route 291 to Groombridge, which runs hourly, the journey to Groombridge Place takes about 10-15 minutes. Alight at the Crown Inn or Station Road Stops in the village of Groombridge.

Full times can be found at buses.co.uk/29 and metrobus.co.uk/291 The best tickets to get are a Saver ticket for the Brighton leg of your journey and a return ticket on the Metrobus part of your journey.

If there is more than one of you a Family Discovery ticket £16 from the driver – will cover you all the way there and back - the Family ticket is valid for up to 5 people with a maximum of 2 adults.

There are a range of tickets available for day travel, from individual tickets to Family tickets – visit www.buses.co.uk to find out more.

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wave HEALTH

& BEAUTY

BLOOD & SUMMER SANDALS… AWARENESS OF CANKLES

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01273 540425 ¥ 07956 855027 www.theconwaypractice.co.uk

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ooray - summer sandals! Then your heart sinks! Staring at them you distinctly remember last year when, at the end of a hot day, this pair of funky bright footwear managed to transform your flesh into ankles that resembled an un-natural event at the end of your legs. Yes, it looked as if you had been wearing a cheese slicer!! These are what are known as ‘Cankles’.

Joking that your ankles resemble an apple puff during the warmer months may seem to be funny and may even be more of a regular occurrence than you’d care to admit. Sadly, if you find it is more ‘on’ than ‘off’ we would like you to be aware that it may not be the wisest decision to ignore it!

Swelling and swollen conditions deteriorate and become irreversible but can be easily treated in the early stages.

Wheat and gluten can cause excess inflammation in the body which is controllable during winter. However, in hot weather as the blood tries to cool the body down by changing pressure at the end of the blood capillary this allows even more waste fluid into the body, which has to be pumped away. If not it will stay as swelling, seen as `Cankles`.

For the possible avoidance of a condition called Lymphoedema paying attention to your Cankles with the following advice below could help prevent deterioration.

Note: If you are overweight and your stomach rests on the top of your thighs you are more likely to suffer with swollen ankles as it acts like a tourniquet.

UKLC Helpful advice for swollen puffy ankles Add 4 tablespoons of Epsom Salts into a washing up bowl size of cool water, soak feet for half an hour. Have the bowl on the end or side of the bed so that you can lay back i.e. so you are not sitting in an upright position, you can place cushions behind you to rest on. Your body has to drain the fluid from the ankles and cannot if you sit in an upright position. While your feet are in the water pull your tummy in squeezing the stomach in lifting it upwards towards your head, this makes your lymphatic system pump, release and repeat continuously. Dry the feet and place more cushions on the bed to ensure your feet and ankles are raised above your head. Place a firm cushion between your thighs and bring your thighs firmly together so they are slightly under tension.

Using your bottom and inner thigh - NOT the knees - squeeze thighs together. Pump inwards 10 times then rest and repeat for 5 minutes, every day. The lymphatic system runs up the inside of the thigh. By pumping thighs and pulling your stomach inwards this will drain the fluid away from your Cankles.

For more information, treatment or advice www.theuklc.com or call 07599 985 648.

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Our next edition is out on 28th July See in summer with Wave – your essential beauty, health & wellbeing guide, free inside Latest 7 To promote your business in this section call Rachel on 01273 818150 now!

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COFFEE, FASHION & SO MUCH MORE…

Kemptown Trading Post & Cafe has new owners and a brand new look

ervé, owner of the New Steine Hotel & Bistro, Gulliver’s Hotel & Georges, his partner, have been Kemptown residents and business owners for the last 15 years. Taking over the Kemptown Trading Post and Café was the perfect opportunity for them to be under the same roof, but still doing their own thing.

Hervé wanted to go back to his roots, having previously worked for Valentino in the eighties, amongst other labels in London’s prestigious Bond and Sloane Street.

“The Kemptown Trading Post was already a great place, full of interesting stalls and with a café too.

We have given everything a soft refurbishment of the décor as well as revising the menu. We offer a mix of great food and shopping, making it pretty unique and it is now looking better than ever.

Hervé says: “I love the hotel trade, but I also wanted to use my creative side and love of fashion and taking over the Kemptown Trading post has given me the opportunity to do new things. Of course we are keeping the collectables and antiques, however, I also want to sell second hand designer bags and accessories like Louis Vuitton and Gucci wallets, and sun glasses for men, as well as women. I also want to introduce vintage and designer men’s wear, second hand or old collections, at very reasonable prices. Brighton and thriving Kemptown is the perfect place to express oneself in the way we dress as can be seen in the eclectic and colourful characters you see around. It reminds me of my time in London and has brought the fashion back into my life. I am really looking forward to making Kemptown Trading Post a fabulous place packed with exciting and unusual finds.”

Georges has worked in the food & beverage industry for the last 25

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years, starting in the South of France before moving to London, where he worked at ‘Le Suquet’ on Draycott Avenue amongst many others. He opened his own French restaurant in Clapham called ‘Brasserie Metz’, which was reminiscent of his French home town. Georges finally sold his restaurant to move to Brighton and help his partner Hervé Guyat open the New Steine Hotel on the New Steine. In Brighton he developed his career at the Seattle hotel & MyHotel, before opening his own business once again – ‘Cup Of Joe’.

At Cup Of Joe, Georges has introduced his delicious salads and healthy food options, as well as fresh and comforting classics like Eggs Benedict, Florentine and a traditional English breakfast.

Alongside these there are French inspired treats such as his amazing Croque-Monsieur and Goat’s Cheese toast.

His coffee is Verona Espresso Blend and you can also enjoy a wide selection of afternoon teas, whilst indulging in some classic English cakes like Victoria sponge, carrot, coffee and walnut cakes. And everyone is welcome – including your four legged friends!

Both parts of the business are open Monday to Friday, 8am till 5pm, and Saturday and Sunday from 9am till 5pm Their launch party is on Friday 3 July from 5pm till 8pm and Latest Homes readers are invited to join them for a glass of wine and to sample some of their food. The market will be open and each stall will donate 10% of their sales to the Rainbow Fund & Martlets charities. If you can’t make it that evening, stalls will still be donating on purchases made that weekend from Friday 3rd of July 8am till Sunday 5th of July 5pm. A fantastic way to treat yourself at the same time as helping two great causes!

28 St George’s Road, Brighton BN2 1ED 01273 698873

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ANDREW KAY HUNTER GATHERER Sticking the knife in

L

ast year I wrote about hunting, or should I say, I went into the countryside and was allowed to fire a gun. I came away with no desire to do it again whatsoever.

I think I came away though with a greater understanding of the role that guns have in country life – I hope so.

I’m no fan of hunting or blood sports, far from it. I chat almost nightly to the fox that lives in my street and wish it no harm, it’s a very beautiful beast that here in an urban environment I can see does little harm, if any.

I do remember well though, staying with my brother in the Welsh borders in a very remote cottage and seeing the devastation that the fox had caused to his chickens and ducks – and being shocked by the wanton waste. The fox had not killed for need, taking one for food, but had killed and left behind the carnage of its night’s activity. I resist calling it sport and I resist calling anything that involves killing or the spilling of blood a sport. I will stand up and be counted once again if the current government tries to repeal the ban on hunting – it is quite simply barbaric and those who take part should at least be threatened with being thrown to the lions to see how they like it.

All this I believe – but it does leave me in a quandary when it comes to being an omnivore. I eat meat and fish with a great deal of pleasure. These days I eat less and the meat and fish that I choose to buy is of a higher quality and far more ethical provenance. I support organic farming wholeheartedly and have found

I resist calling anything that involves killing or the spilling of blood a sport that in doing so the produce that I choose is, on the whole, tastier.

I am still though, a meat-eater, and for me to be that it means that a beast has to forfeit its life. I have therefore to do so with respect, and I have also to respect those people who rear and care for and finally deal with the despatch of an animal into the food chain.

I have said before that my grandfather was a butcher who for his era had a not uncommon holistic approach to meat. After the austerity of the war and hard rationing here in the UK it was not unusual for every part of an animal to be used, from hooves and bones and hide, to the meats and offal. I grew up eating a lot of offal and despite it being bad for my gout I eat a fair amount still.

I was thrilled at the spring food festival when chef Michael

Bremner and Sam from 64 Degrees brought along ox heart and ox tongue to demonstrate – and I was equally thrilled at how the audience embraced this and loved how it tasted. They were the tastes of my childhood, rich and unctuous in texture – simply delicious – and respectful.

Not that you will find them that easily, offal is a rare thing in a supermarket, sadly, and it does make me wonder where it all goes.

If we choose to eat meat then we must first face up to the full story. Am I prepared to accept the whole process? Am I comfortable delegating the rearing and subsequent killing of animals for the table? Do, as a consequence, I support farmers and farming?

I have to say that I do, that it is my choice and one that I do not make lightly.

In a way we are all hunters, searching for the food that we eat.

The difference is that for some hunting for food involves guns and knives and spears and traps and rods and lines and nets – and for the rest of us, well our weapon of choice is the supermarket.

BIG NEWS

Every Monday to Friday from 3–5pm Live Rolling News on TV Featuring Mike Mendoza and guests from across the city Watch Latest Entertainment on

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ANDREW KAY

shrimps with a lemon grass, lime leaf and coconut nage, then pan roasted oxtail with curried pumpkins, caramelised plantains and crispy okra. Finally there is Rabot Estate chocolate truffle, avocado ice-cream, banana foam and spiced doughnuts.

At £75 per person the price includes pre dinner St. Lucian Rum Punch, the amuse bouche and 3 fine dining courses, wine pairing, coffee & truffles and Cap Maison’s very special Solera blended rum to finish. Add all that up and once again it has to be great value for what promises to be a great

ICEx ST LUCIA

A taste of the Caribbean at the Restaurant at Drakes

W

e eat out in so many different ways. Some of us eat out because we are crazy about good food and fascinated by different styles of cuisine. Some of us eat out because we are celebrating a birthday or anniversary. Some of us eat out for convenience, a few even because they cannot cook or perhaps be bothered to cook. Then there are those that see food merely as fuel, this I fail to understand but that’s just me, and I am certain that I will not offend them as they are unlikely to have read this far.

I love to eat in and I love to eat out – but even eating out has changed. These days we have so many new opportunities to experience interesting foods, we have food festivals, farmers markets, master-classes, pop-up restaurants, supper clubs… the options grow at an almost alarming rate.

My favourite dining experiences right now are themed dinners.

Events staged by restaurants that feature or celebrate something special, whether it be a seasonal ingredient, a special wine event or a guest chef.

At the Brighton and Hove Food and Drink Festival we have championed dinners that feature local produce, local and international wines and great chefs. With dinners where three chefs share the kitchen and together create one dinner course by course to dinners that welcome chefs from across the world, we have created events that have become hugely popular and brought together lovers of great food and great cuisine.

The International Chef Exchange

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A great evening of fine food, fine wine and good company project has been central to this and here at Latest I have been able to make seven hour long TV programmes that showcase the very best of what Brighton & Hove has to offer. The shows have become part of the evidence that explains why the city has knocked London off the number one spot for food-loving visitors according to a survey run by the prestigious magazine Condé Nast Traveller.

The project continues, there is a final episode of the TV show shot in Vancouver still to be screened and in August The Restaurant at Drakes

will host a new exchange: International Chef Exchange St Lucia. Drakes will welcome chef Craig Jones from Cap Maison in St Lucia to their excellent restaurant for one night only for the next International Chef Exchange.

Craig will be preparing a St Lucian-themed meal, assisted by Drake’s own head chef Andy MacKenzie so you can expect fine dining Caribbean style!

The menu sounds so tempting; ceviche of island conch, yellow fin tuna and mango balsamic dressing followed by tortellini of Caribbean

• LATEST 7 13 www.thelatest.co.uk •

evening of fine food, fine wine and good company International Chef Exchange ST Lucia, The Restaurant at Drakes, Wednesday 26th August 2015 Dinner served at 19.30 Tickets bookable at drakesofbrighton.com or brightonfoodfestival.com Drakes 43-44 Marine Parade Brighton BN2 1PE 01273 696934

on Freeview channel 8,

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014_LS735_hotlist_film_011_LS466_interview 26/06/2015 15:07 Page 1

entertainment Jessica Kellgren-Hayes

HOT LIST Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit thelatest.co.uk BRITISH & MODERN EUROPEAN BARDSLEY’S Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices. Fully licensed.

Bardsley’s, 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256, www.bardsleys-fishandchips.co.uk

INDIAN THE CHILLI PICKLE The Chilli Pickle is a local favourite with national recognition which combines traditional Indian methods with local produce and an individual style. Their ample Thalis spice up a midday meeting or a catch-up with friends, whilst the evening menu offers inventive street food, decadent Tandoori dishes and tasty regional curries, served in a vibrant and bustling setting. The Chilli Pickle featured in the National Restaurant Awards’ UK top 100 in 2011–14 and has retained its Michelin Bib Gourmand from 2010 to 2015.

The Chilli Pickle, 17 Jubilee Square, Brighton, 01273 900383, www.thechillipickle.com

THE CHILLI PICKLE CANTEEN The definitive delivery service from The Chilli Pickle launched this year.

Bold, Indian-inspired design, specially commissioned artwork and smart delivery stake out new ground in home dining. Meanwhile, the menu showcases some of the restaurant’s familiar touches, with regional curries and homemade pickles and chutneys, plus superb ice creams.

The Chilli Pickle Canteen: order online at thechillipicklecanteen.com, 01273 900384

NOORIS Beautiful Indian cuisine in the heart of Brighton. Grab yourself some authentic indian food at unbeatable prices! 2 courses for £6.95 12 – 7pm Thursday to Sunday (£9.95 after 7pm) £5.50 Sunday buffet 1pm – 5pm, 70/71 Ship Street, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 1AE, 01273 329 405

THAI STREET THAI Dishes served here are simple, healthy and delicious using the finest and freshest ingredients. Thai people love their street food and Street Thai is the most authentic way of eating and experiencing Thai food. Set menu is available every day except Saturday with two courses at £9.75 and three courses at £11.75.

Street Thai, 5 & 20 Brighton Square, Brighton, BN1 1HD, 01273 207444

Follow me: @latestjessica

CLASH OF DIVAS n 1970s Paris, the art world was taken by storm as bonkers bohemian photographer Irina Ionesco's provocative nude photographs of her own child made waves. That misused muse, Eva Ionesco, has now turned her childhood experiences into a film, ‘My Little Princess’, and as is to be expected the tale is a car crash one cannot help but watch.

Cute young Violetta (Anamaria Vartolomei) is living contentedly with her starkly religious great-grandmother (Georgetta Leahu) when her eccentric mother Hannah (Isabelle Huppert) resurfaces after one of many prolonged absences. Innocent Violetta finds her mother’s outre glamour captivating, so readily submits to a request to pose for Hannah's photographs of haunted period damsels. The pictures, with agonising predictability, quickly transition into more overtly sexual territory as Hannah believes inhibitions to be bourgeois.

Hannah becomes the empress of morbid eroticism whilst Violetta becomes the class pariah as the clothes she is sent to school in become ever smaller. Despite the film being dominated by an archly artificial performance from Huppert, as the spotlight-seeking terrible mother, this affected drama has much going for it and lays the groundwork for an intriguing psychological drama.

This unfortunately true tale sadly is not given authenticity by its handling within the cinematic universe. For one instance, whilst Ionesco's mother started shooting her from age four, the child in the film is 10.

Although this saves the audience from watching a girl who has just finished toddling be grotesquely sexualised it in many ways exculpates the mother's behaviour. Whilst Violetta feels that something might be wrong, her real-life counterpart could not comprehend what was being taken from her, and that is the bigger indignity.

Depiction of the photographs is also relatively restrained, with nudity limited to older models as the bravery that characterises French cinema is lost. We should be watching a bold piece that questions the boundaries between art and pornography but Ionesco's command of tone leaves a lurid clash of divas- the overbearing and the petulant. Perhaps Ionesco is attempting to hand her childhood proxy more power than she actually had.

Watching a child of any age or gender be exploited by such an egomaniacal parent creates an automatic sympathy in the audience, but Ionesco appears unsure how to then handle it- creating a director peculiarly detached. The psychological impact of Violetta's lost innocence is neglected in favour of focusing on tantrums and affectations.

Unlike other semi-autobiographical tales of awful parents, the director seems to be underplaying, rather than exaggerating, her appalling upbringing. With great pains taken, Hannah, and by extension Irena Ionesco's, decisions and behaviour are never condemned.

‘My Little Princess’ stands as a word of warning to all directors, whether their tale is autobiographical or not, to beware of becoming so entangled with the story that they are unable to detach their own viewpoint from that of the audience's.

If you too make films then FilmFest on TV is the programme for you. For two hours every Sunday night the show broadcasts independent British films to over four million people. Get your creative voice heard with Latest TV!

I

ITALIAN

DONATELLO Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant value meal deals on blackboards – two courses £7.95 or three for £9.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Donatello, Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

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MIKE WARD AT LARGE WARNING!

Follow us: @mikewardontv

Reading the following item will be a waste of your time. It will serve no purpose. It’s just silly. If that’s likely to offend or irritate, please look away now, or you’ll only have yourself to blame…

Right, well, hopefully that’s seen off the grumpies, so let’s press ahead with this week’s column. And the subject? TV programme titles that take on a whole new meaning if you change just one letter. See, I warned you it was silly. The thing is, I write about TV a lot, but I often mis-type stuff – including the names of shows. I do correct them, I’m not a complete waste of space, but in writing a programme title ever so slightly incorrectly in the first place, a whole new world of entertaining weirdness briefly opens up to me. That title, with this tiny change, suddenly means something altogether different. You’d be amazed. Well, amazed-ish.

So what I did the other day, while walking the dog, was take this idea to mad extremes, dreaming up a whole list of shows whose titles you could do this to. I came with 50 (mostly current, but also a few old ones). Want to see it? Course you do…

1.

2.

3.

4.

5 6.

Who Do You Think You Ate? Piers Morgan’s Lice Stories MFI Friday Dogs: Their Secret Wives Nigel Slater: Mating Together Paul O’Grady’s For The Love Of Bogs 7. Big Fat Gypsy Weldings 8. DIY SAS 9. Doctor Why 10. Glue Peter 11. Pongs Of Praise 12. Foyle’s Wag 13. Channel 4 Newt 14. Holby Pity 15. 8 Out of 10 Bats 16. Mash In The Attic 17. Countryvile 18. This Moaning 19. Hair Hunters 20. Waterloo Toad 21. Are You Being Perved?

22. Paintless 23. The Clare Balding Shop 24. Pig Brother 25. Call The Madwife 26. A Question Of Spurt 27. Hull’s Kitchen 28. Agatha Christie’s Potrot 29. Kirstie’s Fill Your Mouse For Free 30. Name That Tuna 31. Mild At Heart 32. The Great British Bare Off 33. Jamie’s 15 Minute Seals 34. The Weakest Lino 35. Dad’s Arms 36. Veal Or No Deal 37. Dancing In Ice 38. Auf Wiedersehen Pat 39. Footballers’ Wipes 40. Hippy Valley 41. Harry Hill’s TB Burp 42. Top Bear 43. Don’t Sell The Bride 44. The National Pottery 45. FasterChef 46. Family Gut 47. Last Night Of The Prams 48. You’ve Been Flamed 49. Last Mango In Halifax 50. Mock The Geek

See, I knew you’d love it. And the thing is, once you start thinking of examples, it’s hard to stop. Or maybe that’s just me. Maybe I need help.

Yeah, that’s probably it.Sorry to have wasted your time.

Mike Ward is the TV Critic of the Daily Star and the TV Editor of the Daily Express Saturday magazine. Hear him every Monday afternoon with Guy Lloyd on Brighton’s Juice 107.2

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arts

BRIGHTON’S ARTY Alison Krog

Follow us: @brightonsarty

ALL CREATURES SMALL AND GREAT

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lower head? Then make your way to Horsham Museum and Art Gallery between 2 July and 5 September, where local artist Claire Harrison will be exhibiting work based on the Sussex countryside. Inspired by flowers and insects from her garden, the large, brightly coloured oil paintings magnify the miniscule in a vivid palette that appears to glow from the canvas. This artist’s ambition is to show that the tiny bloom or bright beetle in a grass verge is like a jewel among the undergrowth – and you’ll often find her trying to crawl under the smallest wildflower to photograph it from below as if she was an insect looking up! Claire is also fascinated by camouflage, so look closely; she often hides insects within her work by the clever use of tone to conceal them.

Another artist who looks at the world in microscopic detail – but in this case embracing the marriage of art and science – is Robin CooperHannan.

Relationships with the natural world are a recurrent theme in his bold, highly recognisable works. Robin believes that art and science have more in common than opposition – that there is no art without investigation and no science without imagination. His figurative Nature’s Way subjects reflect on identity, while the abstract works include dynamics of cellular and sub-cellular worlds – including chromosomes.

Composition and key, allowing the viewer to develop interpretations that move between reality and reflection. You can see more of Robin’s fascinating work – and Claire’s paintings, too – in this year’s Arty publication: Art in Brighton 2015. www.artymagazines.com Twitter @brightonsarty

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entertainment

Kay STAGE Andrew

Follow me: @latestandrew

LAW OF THE JUNGLE

Kamari Romeo

Emporium serve up a classy portion of Mr Kipling with a show for familes & far more

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rom day one I have been impressed by the quality of productions being staged at Emporium in London Road.

In fact it strikes me that since winning the best venue Brighton Fringe award it really is beginning to become not only the jewel in the crown of the rapidly improving London Road but actually in the city.

I recently raved about an exceptional production of Joe Orton’s ‘What The Butler Saw’ and was earlier blown away by an incredibly impressive ‘Into The Woods’ that I think was far closer to Sondheim’s vision of the show than the Disney epic which, whilst good, lacked the irreverent humour that I expected.

Add to this two very good Christmas pantomimes that I thoroughly enjoyed, bringing some of the real art and heart of panto back to the city and you might guess that I am a fan.

The next show is a summer production of the Rudyard Kipling classic, ‘The Jungle Book’. Now I’m no fan of that Disney movie either, it simply did not work for me – so I was delighted to see that the Emporium show is in two very safe hands. Firstly directed by James Weisz, the man behind much of what Emporium has become.

Secondly it has been written, script, music and lyrics, by Mike Carter. Some of you may recognise the name, Mike was the man behind a string of huge hit Christmas productions at Brighton’s long missed Gardner Arts Centre. Year on year Mike and the clever Garner team would

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stage a production for families, schools and kids that gave a good balance to the pantomimes scene which at that point in time was being debased by the casting of soap stars, the omission of traditional pantomime routines, transformations, slapstick, dames and principal boys. It wasn’t only happening to trad pantos either, I sadly remember seeing a production of ‘Peter Pan’ where he was portrayed on roller skates – whatever was that all about.

Over at the Gardner there was much fun to be enjoyed but always with a classier edge and at the heart of this was Mike Carter’s intelligent staging and working of classic tales like Roald Dahl’s ‘Fantastic Mr Fox’.

Casting was recently announced for the Emporium ‘Jungle Book’ and the first thing I noticed was the inclusion of Gordon Winter who first arrived in Brighton as the baddie in Mike Carter's 'Fantastic Mr Fox', 'Pinocchio', and 'Alice in Wonderland'. Gordon also plays Jacob Jackson in Mike's justreleased WW2 Feature Film 'Brothers of War'. Other films include Walt Disney's 'A Kid in Aladdin's Court', Mike Leigh's 'Secrets and Lies', and 'A.F.R.A.I.D'.

His numerous TV appearances include: 'The Thirteenth Tale', 'Friday Night Dinner', 'Birds of a Feather', 'Casualty', 'Minder', 'Frank Stubbs', 'Goodnight Sweetheart'. Extensive theatre includes: Manchester Royal Exchange, Chichester Festival Theatre, touring Hull Truck's 'Bouncers' as 'Lucky Eric', Mephistopheles in 'Dr. Faustus',

Gordon Winter

and the James Weisz directed Brighton/Edinburgh Festival 'Get Carter'. And you may well have seen him in a variety of Brighton Fringe Festival productions.

Gordon now takes on the role of Chief Monkey in this new all singing all dancing production and I for one cannot wait to see what this most inventive of companies does with the story.

Of course at the heart of this much loved story is the boy character of Mowgli, here taken on

by Kamari Romeo, graduate of the Royal Central School of Speech

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and Drama studying Drama, Applied Theatre and Education.

He has since been writing, producing and performing in professional and collaborative community projects. He has recently completed character work on BBC’s ‘In the Night Garden’ based at the 02 Arena (2015).

If, like me, you are a grown up who refuses to grow up then head down London Road to enjoy what promises to be a great production from a stellar team of theatre folk who really do care..

July 7th to 31st Tues-Sat at 7:30pm Tuesday 7th - £10 Industry Tickets (Bring proof of Equity/TMA/ITC or similar with your ticket - max. 2 tickets per person) Wednesday 8th -'Pay-What-YouCan' (maximum 2 tickets per person) Sat and Sun at 2pm Tickets: Big Cat: £15.00 (Over 16) Cub: £12.00 (Under 16) Wolf-Pack: £50.00 (Family of Four) For group (10+) discounts and details email: tickets@emporiumbrighton.com

on Freeview channel 8,

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entertainment

COMEDY

Follow me: @latestvicky

MUSIC

Follow me: @latestjeff

Victoria Nangle

Jeff Hemmings

SUMMER LOVIN’

HUGH MASEKELA

Ignore America’s Independence Day in favour of a bit of independent comedy

e are very fortunate to have one of the South East’s leading – and consistently award-winning – weekend club nights in our fair city. Krater Comedy at Komedia brings us the leading lights of club comics, mixing up some of the most established on the circuit with exciting comics that are just slamming onto the scene now en route to a meteoric rise. Or so they hope.

But not all comedy performers or sets fit neatly into the club night arena.

And some of these are coming our way in July.

This Saturday sees the arrival of Luisa Omielan’s follow-up to her worldwide hit and empowerment bullet ‘What Would Beyoncé Do?’. The new show is equally bolshy and invigorating, and was in town in the 2014 Brighton Fringe in preview form.

Entitled ‘Am I Right Ladies?!’, it continues the ‘party with jokes’ format of the first, but also crucially continues to tap into a very personal side of Omielan making this more than jumping about and mad laughter, bringing tears and attacking fears.

A clip extract from the show went viral when Omielan attacked the much-discussed thigh gap concept at a Gala performance when she was in Australia. You may have seen it on social media. The joie de vivre is palpable on screen, but catch her in the flesh and it’s an Independence Day celebration for all, no matter what gender or orientation.

Expand your horizons and try out a show that might step away from the familiar format of what comedy is. Friday night at Komedia sees improv elder statesmen group (they’re not particularly old as players, just very well respected as a troup) The Maydays put forth their show ‘Tonight’s Top Story’. Funny, frivolous and touching by turns, anything could happen as the entire show is based upon newspaper articles cut out by audience members just minutes before curtain time.

Plus there’s a triple bill of Edinburgh preview shows over at the Caroline Of Brunswick on Thursday. Rob Beckett, Jake Lambert and Elliot Steel – with over two hours of comedy, long form and in a small room providing the intimate kind of comedy night you just can’t get at a big packed club. Mix and match your comedy experiences. With so much on offer, it would be foolish not to try mixing up your flavours just a bit. brightondome.org www.komedia.co.uk/brighton carolineofbrunswick.co.uk

W

WHAT’S ON Art: The Masters Show Part 1 The student assessment Masters Shows are a continuation of the University of Brighton’s highlyreputed Graduate Show, encouraging visitors to engage with new talent and fresh ideas from the latest generation of artists. Part 1 sees MA Digital Media, MA Fine Art and MA Inclusive Practices. MA Photography and MA Sequential Design/Illustration will follow

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One of the highlights of Love Supreme orn and raised in apartheid-era South Africa, he learned trumpet from an early age and wound up in the orchestra of the musical King Kong, the country's first blockbuster theatrical success, which ended up in London's West End. Since then his CV has, in short, left him a musician and artist who continues to care deeply, as well as celebrating the human spirit.

B

Where are you based these days?

Hotels, airports... I live in LA and Johannesburg. I am here in London doing a fundraiser, for a South African education fund, which has for the last five years educated a whole lot of kids from the eastern cape in South Africa, many of them orphans from HIV parents, very very poor kids.

What will the set up be at Love Supreme?

That will be with the regular band I play with; piano, bass, percussion, drums, guitar, and myself.

You're still touring and travelling the world. I'm guessing you enjoy it?

What else would I do? I've been doing this since I was a child.

Most artists do this until they die.

Do you think artists and musicians still have a positive place in the world?

As an artist I've just wanted to be good at my skill, improving it all

later in the summer.

University of Brighton Gallery, Grand Parade, 01283 643101. 4-13 July

Tell me about the help you received when you were a child.

Trevor Huddlestone got me my first trumpet. He was the chaplain of my school. He helped loads of people.

He helped me to leave South Africa to come to England to study music, and Miriam (Makeba, who he grew up with and eventually married) and Harry Belafonte brought me to the States and I was able to study there. Even as a child I was always restless. You know the big speaker funnel on the gramophone? That gave me the idea that people were living in there! It is a wonderful world to be in, your mind is devoid of borders...

What's the plan?

I'm very happy with what I am doing. I am more interested in heritage, heritage restoration and eduction. I'm very keen for Africans to know their history and to have pride in their heritage.

Love Supreme, Glynde Place, 4-6 July. www.lovesupremefestival.com

Grease Lightning vocal talents.

Reading music not required!

Informal concert for all at 4pm.

Founders Room, Brighton Dome, Sunday 5 July, 11am–4pm, £25

Art: Lucinda Rendall Lucinda’s 'Catch of the Day' exhibition comprises paintings of fishermen, fishmongers and chefs at work. Until recently, her son was a chef at Pelham House and Lucinda visited the kitchens to make studies of the chefs at work, as well as making sketches and taking photographs it the fish market in Split, Croatia.

Pelham House, St. Andrew's Lane, Lewes, 01273 488600. Until 11

the time. I travel everywhere, I play to sold out houses but it doesn't improve the world. I don't know if it helps. Business and governments are paranoid about the arts.

Support has been cut down all over the world and expenditure for destruction has been quadrupled.

Event: Peter Lindars Memorial Fundraiser Aug.

Event: Grease Scratch Choir with Lorraine Bowen Don your best Newton-John 50s wear for this Grease Scratch Singing Spectacular. Lorraine Bowen gives you tips and tricks to improve your

• LATEST 7 17 www.thelatest.co.uk •

Join us for an evening of music, comedy and more, to raise money for Epilepsy Research UK and Mind UK, in memory of The Iron Duke Landlord, Peter Lindars. Performances from The Actually Gay Men's Chorus, DJ set from Peter von Sleaze.

Dukebox Theatre, Saturday 4 July, 7pm, entry by donation.

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018_LS735_reviews-chart_011_LS466_interview 26/06/2015 15:08 Page 1

under review

DIDO & AENEAS

BREMF Community Choir, Joe Paxton (conductor) St George’s Chruch 19 June 2015 ★★★★ Andrew Connal

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

8

Photo: Robert Piwko

Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP 20 Another week and another great music chart for you! Listen online to get your favourite to the top and to submit your own tracks.

1 Dirty Weekend In Brighton Dirty Weekend in Brighton 2 The Last Cry Rebekka 3 Junkyard Choir Get It On 4 The Speak Flowers 5 Dirty Weekend In Brighton ‘Frankie’ 6 Junkyard Choir Sun Moon Stars 7 Mr resonate Changing 8 Sia-Apantha-Cali The Fall of Atlantis Henry Purcell created his everpopular mini-opera for a girls’ school, so it makes good sense to include as many children as possible. The well-rehearsed youngsters from St. John’s Catholic Primary School and Queen’s Park Primary School certainly enjoyed their delightful contribution to this enthusiastic and fast-improving community choir. In true BREMF style the musicians, led by violinist Julia Bishop, were stylish and refined.

So too were the principals, Catrin Woodruff (Dido) and Andrew Robinson (Aeneas), with classy support from Kat Carson (Belinda) and Liz Webb (Sorceress). Director Saskia Wesnigk presided over movement while Joe Paxton kept it all marvellously together.

Carl Donnelly and Matt Winning

Edinburgh previews are normally tough gigs – and even harder when one member of the audience has a nap half way through.

It was not a fair reflection on the work of Carl Donnelly and Matt Winning though. Both are among a crop of young talented funny people. But both have very different approaches.

Donnelly is very open and candid – relying on anecdotal tales and his warmth of character to shine through.

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Winning is more in-your-face – a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it type of comedian, with razor sharp writing combining oddities such as Dutch pancake competitions, working for Robert Mugabe and how to find your perfect bin.

Rude audience members aside, this was a good start – but there’s still work to be done before they board the sleeper train going north of the border.

Tim Ridgway ★★★★★ Ropetackle Arts Centre, 23 June

Poliuto

It’s always an excitement to see a new production at Glyndebourne and never more so when it is a work that is seldom performed.

Donizetti’s opera is a poignant study of religious oppression that today might be more appropriate then ever. The director and designer’s decision to set it in a nameless pagan, neo-fascistic regime works well enough but does not excite the visual senses.

The shifting set of grey monoliths works okay but again is far from stunning and some of the projections seemed a little cliched.

In part of course the lack of excitement is in the very static nature of the play itself, visually very little happens. So thank heavens that the music is so powerfully composed and

delivered by the stunning Glyndebourne Chorus, The London Philharmonic Orchestra, superb soloists and Mariame Clément driving it forward with such confidence from the pit.

In one sense the lack of gimcrackery and fireworks does allow the audience to focus on the music and in particular the fine soloists. Michael Fabiano’s voice soars but never loses that golden tone, such purity and precision.

Ana Maria Martinez is equally powerful and pure and brings a dramatic quality to the role that lifts the whole performance.

Before long I was entranced by the music, forgot the setting and simply listened to a work given in a performance of great beauty.

Glyndebourne, 24 May Andrew Kay ★★★★★

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9 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 10 Dirty Weekend in Brighton Ben Sherman (Style man from Brighton) 11 tenek No Time For Fighting 12 The Speak It'll be Fine 13 Mr resonate Was a good day. feat SE84 14 Holly Jane Hey You 15 Tenek If I Should Fall ep version 16 The Dead Beatles A Day in the life of a freak 17 Vortex Generator Water Bleeding 18 MAUVEpeople Into The Light 9 19 The Wolfgirl Liberation monkey splash5 20 Alternate Function Under Attack

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TUESDAY 30 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners Country House Specials Channel 4, 8pm The cleaners visit a Grade II listed 18th century Georgian country house that’s home to Tiggy and her car Toby. The clutter invades all 20 rooms plus stables and outhouses. Silly little bouncing Tiggy, no wonder she’s messy! Wait, no, that’s Tigger.

Women’s World Cup Semi Final BBC2, 11.20pm We’ve seen some stunning goals so far in a superb tournament, including England’s Lucy Bronze’s dramatic late strike and Daniela Montoya’s James Rodriguezechoing stormer for Colombia.

Let’s hope that England beat hosts Canada in the quarter final so you can watch them tonight.

American Dad BBC3, 11.45pm This underrated comedy from Seth MacFarlane (creator of Family Guy) is sharply written and features some brilliant characters so give it a whirl if you haven’t before. Tempers flare when both Roger (an alien) and Stan audition for the same role while son Steve tries to plan the greatest sleepover ever.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am The Vote (x3) 8.00 Teleshopping 8.30 Burn Up With Natalie 9.00 The Newspapers (x2) 10.00 Teleshopping 10.30 Cuppa TV 11.00 Teleshopping 11.30 Brighton Hi-Lights (x2) 12.30pm Northern Cuisine 1.00 Cook It 1.30 Carib-Asian Cookery 2.00 Teleshopping 2.30 Noise Floor 3.00 Latest News Live 5.00 Under The Radar 5.30 Noise Reel 6.00 Latest News 6.30 Cuppa TV Show for women about health, fitness, lifestyle and raising a young family.

7.00 You Make It We Show It Latest Bill and David Netherton present films made by you.

7.30 Latest News 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

8.30 At Home At Hodsock Behind the scenes at Hodsock Priory, an historic country house, set in 800 acres of Nottinghamshire countryside.

9.00 Latest News 9.30 Highsight: The Shorts 9.45 Highsight: The Shorts 10.00 QBites Pride 2013 Special.

10.30 Latest News 11.00 Brighton Album Chart Show Monthly top 10 compiled from albums bought in Brighton’s independent cult store, Resident Records.

11.30 Under The Radar 12.00am Latest News 12.30 Cuppa TV 1.00 You Make It We Show It 1.30 Latest News 2.00 The Vote 2.30 At Home At Hodsock 3.00 Latest News 3.30 Hindsight: The Shorts (x2) 4.00 QBites 4.30 Latest News 5.00 Brighton Album Chart Show 5.30 Under The Radar

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show. Presented by Matt Baker and Alex Jones.

7.30 EastEnders Carol attends her hospital appointment and later makes a confession which sends shockwaves through the Square.

7.57 BBC News And Regional News 8.00 Holby City The ultimate drama series about life on the wards of a busy city hospital.

9.00 The Syndicate Drama series.

The clock ticks for Amy’s safe return while the police question Andy about Nick.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Imagine... Jeff Koons: Diary Of A Seducer Imagine... enters the world of one of the most successful, controversial and downright odd artists of our time.

11.55 FILM: Surviving Summer (2009) A young, suicidal and rebellious teen gets sent to her grandparents by the coast for the summer, where life takes an unexpected turn.

1.20am Weather For The Week Ahead Detailed weather forecast.

1.25 BBC News BBC One joins the BBC’s rolling news channel for a night of news, with bulletins on the hour

8.30pm Wimbledon 2day Stellar names from the world of tennis join Clare Balding for an entertaining and informed look back at the second day of action at the 2015 Wimbledon Championships. Clare’s special guests will provide in-depth discussion and analysis as they take questions from a live audience at SW19.

9.30 The Bank: A Matter Of Life And Debt Documentary series filmed over a year with the straight-talking staff and customers of a West Yorkshire bank branch, exploring the thorny relationship between the public, the bank and money.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Emily Maitlis.

11.20 Live: Women’s World Cup Semi-Final See highlights 2.15am Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow The Antiques Roadshow returns to Tredegar House near Newport in Wales, where finds include a locket given by Queen Victoria, a Welsh-made classic car and a rather grisly looking implement for creating tattoos.

3.15 Sign Zone: Napoleon The first of three documentaries telling the story of Napoleon.

4.30 Biomimetics - Designed By Nature 5.00 Wild Weather With Richard Hammond 5.30 Life On Planet Ant - Learning Zone

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Charity contacts Moses’s father. Ali accuses Jai of harassment. Kerry tries to win Joanie over.

7.30 A Great Welsh Adventure With Griff Rhys Jones Series in which Griff Rhys Jones explores some of the most beautiful and enchanting parts of Wales. In this episode, he is on Anglesey and visits Ynys Gored Goch - a tiny island in the middle of the Menai Strait whose sole purpose is trapping fish.

8.00 Love Your Garden Alan Titchmarsh and the team present the makeover show, transforming unloved spaces into dream gardens for some 9.00 The 7/7 Bombing: Survivors’ Stories To mark the tenth anniversary of the 7/7 London bombings, the survivors, victims, relatives and rescuers remember the tragic events of the day.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.45 Benidorm The Garveys head to the beach and Mick, desperate not to spend any money, is furious when he is forced to buy ice creams for everyone.

11.15 The Chase Quiz show hosted

by Bradley Walsh.

12.10am Jackpot247 3.00 Loose Women 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Call The Council 7.45 The RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show 8.15 Japan: Earth’s Enchanted Islands 9.15 Victoria Derbyshire 11.00 Daily Politics 11.30 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015

Channel 4

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00am Countdown 6.45 Will And Grace 7.10 Will And Grace 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Frasier 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 The Big Bang Theory 10.25 Come Dine With Me 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.40 Come Dine With Me 1.10 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Deal Or No Deal 4.00 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 5.00 Couples Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons Homer becomes the laughing stock of the town when a wild bear humiliates him.

6.30 Hollyoaks Patrick is rattled by a cosy looking Maxine and Darren. A hooded intruder breaks in to the Lovedays leaving them petrified.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners Country House Specials See highlights 9.00 Child Genius Documentary series following the lives of 20 of the country’s cleverest eight to 12-yearolds - and their extraordinary parents.

10.00 Not Safe For Work Comedy drama series set in the Civil Service.

Katherine is reluctantly relocated from London to Northampton as part of government cuts.

10.50 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy version of the quiz show.

Sean Lock and Mel Giedroyc take on special guest captain Lee Mack with David O’Doherty.

11.55 Rude Tube Alex Zane introduces a top 50 of the best online pranks.

12.50am KOTV Boxing Weekly 1.20 Gillette World Sport 1.50 FIM Superbike World Championship 2.15 Mobil 1 The Grid 2.45 Ginetta GT5 Challenge 3.15 Leukaemia And Lymphoma Research Blenheim Palace Triathlon 4.10 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 5.10 Deal Or No Deal

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.35am Children’s television 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Milkshake! Monkey 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.55 Milkshake! Bop Box 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Nightmare Tenants, Slum Landlords 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Polar Storm (2009) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Brax tells Ricky and Nate to let him deal with Gunno after they confess to their part in the recent drug runs.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 Stop! Police Interceptors: Kicking Off Documentary series compiling the best moments from Police Interceptors.

8.00 The Dog Rescuers With Alan Davies Documentary series following the work of RSPCA officers. In this episode, Jason is shocked to discover two desperately malnourished mastiffs close to starvation.

9.00 OAPs Behaving Badly Documentary series about British OAPs determined to grow old disgracefully. This episode features pensioner-wild-child Dee who is trying her hand at paragliding and 67year-old biker Ricky who is planning a big trip despite having a heart problem.

10.00 Big Brother Highlights of the latest events in the house over the past 24 hours.

11.00 Big Brother’s Bit On The Side A round-up of Big Brotherrelated news and debate with special guests, exclusive footage and behindthe-scenes treats.

12.00am Celebs On Benefits: Fame To Claim 1.00 SuperCasino 3.10 Big Brother 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 Divine Designs 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 House Doctor Joe Fuller

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 3.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 4.00 Last Man Standing (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Modern Family (x4) 10.00 Strike Back: Legacy 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 2.00 Brit Cops: War On Crime

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 Sun, Sex And Suspicious Parents 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! 12.10am Family Guy 12.30 Sun, Sex And Suspicious Parents 1.30 Russell Howard’s Good News

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 Lost Cities Of The Ancients 9.00 History Under Siege With Dan Cruickshank 10.00 The Lady Who Flew Africa: The Aviatrix 11.00 Timewatch: WWI Aces Falling 12.00am The Fantastical World Of Hormones With Professor John Wass

12.10pm Emmerdale 12.40 Coronation Street (x2) 1.45 Dinner Date 2.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 6.00 Judge Rinder 7.00 You’ve Been Framed And Famous! 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Love Island 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.50 Bad Bridesmaid 11.50 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am Love Island

9.40am Judge Judy (x3) 10.55 A Touch Of Frost 1.10pm Heartbeat 2.10 The Royal 3.15 Wild At Heart 4.20 French Fields 4.55 Doctor At Large 5.25 On The Buses 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Midsomer Murders 10.00 The Kindness Of Strangers 11.35 The Vice 12.40am A Touch Of Frost

3.00pm Brooklyn NineNine 3.30 Baby Daddy 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 Empire 10.00 Tattoo Fixers 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am Gogglebox

10.30am FILM: The Tall Men (1955) 1.00pm Time Team (x3) 4.10 Four In A Bed (x5) 6.50 Sarah Beeny’s Selling Houses 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 Selling Houses With Amanda Lamb 10.00 Million Pound Properties 11.05 24 Hours In A&E 12.10am 8 Out Of 10 Cats 1.00 Selling Houses With Amanda Lamb

11.00am True Grit (1969) 1.40pm The Quiller Memorandum (1966) 4.00 Earthquake (1974) 6.35 The Princess Diaries (2001) 9.00 Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012) 11.05 Extract (2009) 12.55am Prizzi’s Honor (1985)

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WEDNESDAY 1 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015 BBC1, 1.45pm Day three of live coverage continues at the All England Club, presented by Sue Barker and featuring guests. Andy Murray is seeded 3rd so could meet Djokovic or Federer in the semi-finals. Nadal is down to 10th! As to who will collect the trophy- it will be a question of sport... ting ability.

The RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show BBC2, 9.30pm This year marks the 25th anniversary of the RHS Hampton Court Flower show, now the world’s largest flower show. This episode covers Rachel de Thame’s reveal of the Rose of the Year, whilst Joe Swift explores 2015’s conceptual ‘senses’ gardens.

Celebrity Juice ITV2, 10pm Now in its eleventh series, and with celebrity culture growing ever stronger, Keith Lemon has many more stars to squeeze juicy gossip from. Ollie Locke, John Newman, Matthew Wolfenden and Keith Duffy join Holly and Fearne in another rowdy quiz of this week’s showbiz news.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Teleshopping 6.30 Cuppa TV 7.00 Teleshopping 7.30 BollyHeat 8.00 Teleshopping 8.30 Burn Up With Natalie 9.00 Teleshopping 9.30 Bethanie Lunn: Fast Style 10.00 Teleshopping 10.30 Brighton Hi-Lights 11.00 The Vote (x5) 1.30pm Cook It 2.00 Carib-Asian Cookery 2.30 Northern Cuisine 3.00 Latest TV’s Big News 5.00 Brighton Album Chart Show 5.30 Noise Floor 6.00 Latest News The latest news plus national and international updates.

6.30 Post Feature All the latest movie news, reviews and previews.

With Jessica Kellgren Hayes and Joseph Gunn.

7.00 Best of Brighton Lights Richard Shayler takes a cheeky look back on episodes of Brighton Lights.

7.30 Latest News The latest news plus national and international updates.

8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

8.30 Love That Car Passionate stories about owners and their cars.

9.00 Latest News 9.30 F-Stop A showcase for the best film makers, animators and video artists in the East Midlands.

10.30 Latest News The latest news where we are, plus national updates.

11.00 On The Verge New sounds and breaking bands.

11.30 CoquetBar Breakfast In Brighton Nick Coquet’s misty-eyed, musical merry-go-round: 30 minutes of toppermost pop music, upcycled ephemera and stunning cinematography.

12.00am Teleshopping (x2) 1.30 Latest News 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Love That Car 3.00 Latest News 3.30 F-Stop 4.30 Latest News 5.00 On The Verge 5.30 CoquetBar Breakfast In Brighton

BBC1

BBC2

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Call The Council 7.45 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 8.15 See Hear 8.45 Cowboys And Angels 9.15 Victoria Derbyshire 11.00 BBC News 11.30 Daily Politics 1.00pm Tennis: Wimbledon 2015

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

Channel 4

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show. Presented by Matt Baker and Alex Jones.

7.57 BBC News And Regional News 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride Reality series. A brave bride leaves the most important day of her life in the hands of the man she loves. Groom Steve recently turned forty and wants to transport his bride-to-be Nicki back to the early nineties with a Guns N’ Roses-inspired wedding.

9.00 The Interceptor Drama following an undercover team on the hunt for Britain’s most ruthless criminals.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 SunTrap Crime comedy. An undercover reporter and his former mentor join forces to solve mysteries on a Spanish island. Kidnapped at sea, Woody’s life is in danger as pretend pirate battles turn into real ones.

11.05 The Met Documentary following the officers of Britain’s biggest and busiest police service as they deal with life, death, crime and its victims, all across the capital.

12.05am Weather For The Week Ahead 12.15 BBC News

8.30 Wimbledon 2day Stellar names from the world of tennis join Clare Balding for an entertaining and informed look back at the third day of action at the 2015 Wimbledon Championships. Clare’s special guests will provide in-depth discussion and analysis as they take questions from a live audience at SW19.

9.30 The RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show See highlights 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Live: Women’s World Cup Semi-Final Live coverage of the second semi-final in Canada, at the Commonwealth Stadium in Edmonton.

2.15am Sign Zone: See Hear The magazine for the Deaf community.

Clive Mason assesses what is in store for Deaf people under the new Conservative Government. As protesters march against austerity, what impact will changes to the Access to Work scheme and welfare benefits have on the day-to-day lives of Deaf people?

2.45 Sign Zone: Kate Humble: Living With Nomads 4.00 The Children Of The Holocaust 4.45 Guin And The Dragon.

Combining action, adventure and visual effects, this is the story of an 11-year-old girl’s epic quest.

5.00 History Hunt

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jai sets a trap for Rachel.

7.30 Coronation Street Steve is back and wants Tony out.

8.00 The Cube Phillip Schofield presents the tense game show, inviting more contestants to see if they can take on the Cube and win 250,000 pounds.

9.00 Long Lost Family Davina McCall and Nicky Campbell present more remarkable and moving stories of people anxious to find missing family members.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather Mark Austin and Julie Etchingham present the latest headlines from around the world. Followed by a national weather forecast and all the news and weather in your region.

10.40 The Mafia With Trevor McDonald Second of a two-part programme in which Trevor McDonald takes viewers on a journey into the machinations of the American mafia.

11.40 More Tales From Northumberland With Robson Green Robson Green returns to his home county of Northumberland, uncovering more hidden gems of one of the most beautiful parts of England.

12.10am Jackpot247 3.00 Ejector Seat 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

6.00 The Simpsons Homer fills in on Krusty’s show while he has a belated Bar Mitzvah, and becomes an overnight success. Guest-starring Mr T. 6.30 Hollyoaks Teen drama. Maxine proves she has brains as well as beauty when she conjures up a new scheme.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 The Auction House A behindthe-scenes look at Lots Road Auction House in Chelsea.

9.00 24 Hours In A&E Documentary series following patients at St George’s Hospital in south west London. This programme focuses on people facing adversity head on.

10.00 Kids In Crisis Documentary.

Across the UK, parents are being separated from their sick offspring.

This programme tells the story of four families struggling to get the best care for their children.

11.00 Mad Like Me? Thoughts of self-harm and suicide, hallucinations and hearing voices can be terrifying realities of life with a mental illness.

12.00am Music On 4: Disclosure At Wild Life Festival 12.30 My Daughter The Teenage Nudist 1.25 One Born Every Minute USA 2.20 FILM: Conviction (2010) 4.10 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 5.05 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 5.10 Deal Or No Deal

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 10.45 Call The Council 11.30 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015 1.00pm BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015.

See highlights

6.00am Countdown 6.45 Will And Grace (x2) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 8.30 Frasier (x2) 9.30 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 10.30 Come Dine With Me (x3) 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me (x2) 1.10 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Deal Or No Deal 4.00 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 5.00 Couples Come Dine With Me

Channel Five

6.00 - 7.50am Children’s television 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Milkshake! Monkey 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.55 Milkshake! Bop Box 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Trauma Doctors: Every Second Counts 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Sub Zero (2005) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away When Billie expresses a desire to stay in Summer Bay, Ash asks Andy to move in with Hannah so that Billie can take his room.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 The 12-Year-Old Shopaholic...

And Other Big Spending Kids Documentary about kids who live to shop and the parents who grant them their wishes, including a 12-year-old beauty pageant winner, designerlabel-aholic and now the proud owner of a pony.

8.00 90 Cats & Counting: Cat Crazies This programme meets cat lovers who take feline worship to a whole new level.

9.00 Nightmare Tenants, Slum Landlords Cameras follow the victims and villains of the buy-to-let boom.

10.00 Big Brother Highlights of the latest events in the house over the past 24 hours. This year, the clock is ticking and housemates’ past, present and future are in the hands of Big Brother.

11.00 Big Brother’s Bit On The Side A round-up of Big Brotherrelated news and debate with special guests, exclusive footage and behindthe-scenes treats.

12.00am OAPs Behaving Badly 1.00 SuperCasino 3.10 Big Brother 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 Divine Designs 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Elise Price

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 3.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 4.00 Futurama (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Extreme Phobias, Extreme Cures 9.00 Strike Back: Legacy 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 2.00 Desi Rascals (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 FILM: Shanghai Noon (2000) 9.45 Great Movie Mistakes V: Revenge Of The Fifth 10.00 Insane Fight Club II 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! 12.10am Family Guy 12.30 People Just Do Nothing (x2) 1.30 Insane Fight Club II 2.30 Parents’ Evening

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys Goes To Ireland 8.00 Tales From The National Parks 9.00 The Grammar School: A Secret History 10.00 Dirk Gently 10.55 Lost Cities Of The Ancients 11.55 Tales From The National Parks 12.55am War At Sea: Scotland’s Story

12.10pm Emmerdale 12.40 The Cube 1.45 Dinner Date 2.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 6.00 Judge Rinder 7.00 You’ve Been Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Love Island 10.00 Celebrity Juice. - See highlights 10.50 The Vampire Diaries 11.45 Two And A Half Men (x2) 2.35am Love Island

9.30am Judge Judy (x3) 10.55 A Touch Of Frost 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 The Royal 3.10 Wild At Heart 4.15 French Fields 4.50 Doctor At Large 5.20 On The Buses 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Lewis 10.00 Blue Murder 11.30 The Vice 12.35am The Royal 1.30 Judge Judy

3.00pm Brooklyn NineNine 3.30 Baby Daddy 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 Jane The Virgin 10.00 Nashville 11.00 Gogglebox 12.00am Rude Tube 1.00 New Girl

11.20am FILM: 20 Million Miles To Earth (1957) 1.00pm Time Team (x3) 4.10 Four In A Bed (x5) 6.50 Sarah Beeny’s Selling Houses 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Great Canal Journeys (x2) 11.05 24 Hours In A&E 12.10am 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 1.00 Grand Designs 2.05 The Good Wife 3.05 8 Out Of 10 Cats

11.00am The China Syndrome (1979) 1.25pm Night Passage (1957) 3.15 Arabian Adventure (1979) 5.20 Destry Rides Again (1939) 7.15 Fast Girls (2012) 9.00 G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009) 11.15 Hanna (2011) 1.25am The Warrior (2001)

Now available on:

thelatest.tv Channel 8

Channel 159

021_LS735_tv_thu_joe_L7wed14apr.qxd 26/06/2015 15:10 Page 1

THURSDAY 2 Celebrity MasterChef BBC1, 9pm This week sees former Pussycat Doll Kimberly Wyatt, actor Craig Gazey, TV presenters Andy Akinwolere and Rylan Clark and choreographer Arlene Phillips thrust their cooking skills into the public eye. Will we be blown away by hitherto unseen talents or will we feel better about our own abilities in comparison?

The Bank: A Matter Of Life And Debt BBC2, 11.20pm All manner of people pass through the NatWest bank in Huddersfield. Through all banks in fact. But we get to watch these ones, including a couple’s first joint bank account and a homeless gentleman who can’t close his account with his ex.

Such contrast is the fabric of life.

New Girl E4, 9pm The writing for this hit show has steadily improved and is now at almost 30 Rock-level. It’s also similarly silly fun. Worth watching for Schmidt alone, arguably the best American sitcom character since Dwight Schrute; this episode sees him recruit the guys to form a focus group to help him land a big new account at work.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Teleshopping 6.30 Cuppa TV 7.00 Teleshopping 7.30 Bollyheat 8.00 Teleshopping 8.30 Burn Up With Natalie 9.00 Teleshopping 9.30 Bethanie Lunn: Fast Style 10.00 Teleshopping 10.30 Brighton Hi-Lights 12.30 The Vote (x5) 1.30 Cook It 2.00 Northern Cuisine 3.00 Latest TV’s Big News 5.00 Kick Out The James: Our Krypton Son 5.30 Bowlegs 6.00 Latest News The latest news where we are, the latest sports news, plus national and international updates, and the up-to-date forecast for your area and beyond.

6.30 Burn Up With Natalie Personal trainer Ntalie Golland give viewers a fitness workout.

7.00 You Make It, We Show It! Latest Bill and David Netherton present films made by you, the great Brighton public.

7.30 Brighton Hi-Lights The latest news plus national updates.

8.00 8 Ball Pool IPA Pool competition with players from across the UK. 10.00 Post Feature All the latest movie news, reviews and previews.

With Jessica Kellgren Hays and Joseph Gunn.

10.30 Latest News The latest news plus national updates.

11.00 Richard Durrant: Cycling Music Richard Durrant’s Cycling Music was filmed in spring 2014 during his 36 date, 1,500 mile tour of England. Filmed on an iPhone and edited by Richard along the way.

12.00am Teleshopping 1.00 Teleshopping 1.30 Brighton Hi-Lights 2.00 8 Ball Pool 4.00 Post Feature 4.30 Latest News 5.00 Richard Durrant: Cycling Music

BBC1

BBC2

6.15am Homes Under The Hammer 7.15 The RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show 8.15 Animals Unexpected 9.15 Victoria Derbyshire 11.00 Daily Politics 11.30 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

Channel 4

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show. Presented by Matt Baker and Alex Jones.

7.30 EastEnders Carol faces the backlash, and is put under more pressure when the gossip starts to gather pace. Nancy avoids Tamwar as they struggle to communicate their true feelings for one another. Kush is surprised by Martin’s news.

7.57 BBC News And Regional News 8.00 Britain Beneath Your Feet Britain Beneath Your Feet.

9.00 Celebrity MasterChef See highlights 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today The latest news, sport, weather and features from the South East of England.

10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby presents topical debate from Grays in Essex.

11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil, with Michael Portillo and guests.

12.20am Holiday Weatherview Detailed weather forecast.

12.25 BBC News BBC One joins the BBC’s rolling news channel for a night of news, with bulletins on the hour and the headlines every 15 minutes.

8.30pm Wimbledon 2day Stellar names from the world of tennis join Clare Balding for an entertaining and informed look back at the fourth day of action at the 2015 Wimbledon Championships.

9.30 The RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show Monty Don and the team continue their tour of the Hampton Court Palace Flower Show, this year celebrating its 25th anniversary. Monty takes a look at the new plants being launched at the show and looks back at the top flowers of 1990 when the flower show began.

10.00 Mock The Week Dara O Briain and the team return for another series of the topical comedy featuring guests Rob Beckett, Miles Jupp, Romesh Ranganathan and Tiff Stevenson.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Bank: A Matter Of Life And Debt See highlights 12.20am Sign Zone: Panorama Panorama.

12.50 Sign Zone: An Hour To Save Your Life 1.50 Sign Zone: The Met: Policing London 3.30 Welcome To The World 4.00 David Starkey’s Magna Carta Documentary.

4.30 The Royal Institute Christmas Lectures 5.00 Kick Sum Maths

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Rachel uncovers Jai’s secret. Aaron loses it with Cain.

Finn is horrified by Ross’s confession.

7.30 Over The Counter Addiction: Tonight Fiona Foster meets people who lost everything when codeine addiction took hold.

8.00 Emmerdale Megan and Rachel join forces. Finn’s conscience is pricked. Vanessa confronts Kirin about the money.

8.30 Big Box Little Box Series in which five households across Britain get a special delivery of the latest gadgets and gizmos to road test at home.

9.00 Superhospital Documentary series set in the Royal Derby Hospital.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.40 Exposure: How To Buy Your Way Into Britain Current affairs series examining a range of powerful and controversial subjects.

11.40 Perspectives: Gary Kemp Kick Out The Jams Spandau Ballet’s Gary Kemp investigates the modern art world, 25 years after it was rocked on its heels by the arrival of Hirst, Emin and the other Young British Artists.

12.35am Jackpot247 3.00 Over The Counter Addiction: Tonight 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

6.00 The Simpsons After a preschool children’s concert goes wrong, leading to a tax rise to pay for the damage, the childless of Springfield start a campaign against them.

6.30 Hollyoaks Nico follows someone she shouldn’t have and makes a shocking discovery.

7.00 Channel 4 News I 8.00 Dogs: Their Secret Lives Documentary series that uses surveillance filming, cutting-edge technology and expert input to analyse extreme canine behaviour in the modern world.

9.00 The Tribe The final episode of the documentary series in which a three-generational Ethiopian tribal family have allowed cameras in to film their day-to-day lives.

10.00 Career Criminals Documentary about hardcore ‘career criminals’.

11.05 Scientologists At War Documentary looking at the independent Scientology movement and the high level defectors who have publicly renounced their membership from the Church of Scientology.

12.05am Big Fat Gypsy Weddings: Life On The Run 1.00 One Born Every Minute USA 1.55 Kids In Crisis 2.50 Country House Rescue 3.45 Salt: Are You Eating Too Much? 4.15 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 5.10 Deal Or No Deal Game

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015

6.00am Countdown 6.45 Will And Grace (x2) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 8.30 Frasier (x2) 9.30 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 10.30 Come Dine With Me (x3) 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me (x2) 1.10 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Deal Or No Deal 4.00 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 5.00 Couples Come Dine With Me

Channel Five

6.00 - 7.10am Children’s television 7.10 Little Princess 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: NYC: Tornado Terror (2008) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Phoebe tries to adjust to the revelation that Kyle has moved on and finds solace in Chris who convinces her to stick around.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 Trauma Doctors Observational documentary series following the pioneering work of the trauma specialists at the Royal London Hospital.

8.00 Broken Britain: 37 Years On The Dole Dosumentary. This programme features three people who between them have not worked in 37 years.

9.00 Big Brother Highlights of the latest events in the house over the past 24 hours.

10.00 Person Of Interest Drama.

Flashbacks to Finch’s adolescence provide insight into his creation of The Machine. Also, the team receives the number of an already dying man, and Reese leaves the POI team behind in the aftermath of the war with the crime organisation.

11.00 Big Brother’s Bit On The Side A round-up of Big Brotherrelated news and debate with special guests, exclusive footage and behindthe-scenes treats.

12.00am SuperCasino 3.10 Big Brother 4.00 Wildlife SOS Documentary 4.25 Divine Designs 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 House Doctor Joe Fuller

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 3.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 4.00 Futurama (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Modern Family (x2) 9.00 Glee 10.00 A League Of Their Own 11.00 Karl Pilkington: The Moaning Of Life 12.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 2.00 Desi Rascals

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 The White Slums: Reggie Yates’s Extreme South Africa 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! 12.10am Family Guy 12.30 Insane Fight Club II 1.30 The White Slums: Reggie Yates’s Extreme South Africa

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Top Of The Pops: 1980 8.00 How The Wild West Was Won With Ray Mears 9.00 Catching History’s Criminals: The Forensics Story 10.00 FILM: The Jackal (1997) 12.00am War At Sea: Scotland’s Story 1.00 Top Of The Pops: 1980 1.30 How The Wild West Was Won With Ray Mears

12.10pm Emmerdale 12.40 Coronation Street 1.15 You’ve Been Framed! 1.45 Dinner Date 2.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 6.00 Judge Rinder 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! 7.30 FILM: Jurassic Park (1993) 10.00 Love Island: Live 11.00 Celebrity Juice 11.50 Reality Bites 12.30am Two And A Half Men (x2)

9.30am Judge Judy (x3) 10.55 A Touch Of Frost 1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 The Royal 3.10 Wild At Heart 4.15 French Fields 4.50 Doctor At Large 5.20 On The Buses 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Foyle’s War 10.00 Blue Murder 11.35 The Vice 12.35am City Lights 1.30 Judge Judy

3.30pm Baby Daddy 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 New Girl 9.30 The Mindy Project 10.00 Gogglebox 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am Rude Tube

10.55am FILM: Prince Valiant (1954) 1.00pm Time Team (x3) 4.10 Four In A Bed (x5) 6.50 Sarah Beeny’s Selling Houses 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Kirstie And Phil’s Love It Or List It 10.00 The Good Wife 11.00 24 Hours In A&E 12.05am 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 12.55 Kirstie And Phil’s Love It Or List It

11.00am Geordie (1955) 1.05pm The Fighting Seabees (1944) 3.10 Edge Of Eternity (1959) 4.50 Bend Of The River (1952) 6.40 Water For Elephants (2011) 9.00 Black Hawk Down (2001) 11.55 Metro Manila (2013) 2.10am Far North (2007)

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FRIDAY 3 The Graham Norton Show BBC1, 10.35pm This conveniently compiled show exhibits the highlights of the latest series, featuring the best moments of the best guests.

George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Kylie Minogue feature, donating some personal anecdotes in exchange for a chance to advertise their latest product.

Artsnight BBC2, 11pm At 8 months pregnant, Lily Cole assumes editorial control of the art magazine show, aptly asking whether children inspire or impede an artistic parent.

Creatives from both sides of the argument explore critic Cyril Connolly’s remark: “there is no more sombre enemy of good art than the pram in the hall”.

Guy Lloyd’s Telly Show Latest TV, 7pm Latest TV’s brand new Guy Lloyd’s Telly Show. Is modern life rubbish? Guy Lloyd puts two everyday aspects of life through his humorous, sceptical and scurrilous media mangle, talking to the public and laying bare the social media to find out. Will Vince Venus make an appearance and be buzzed off?

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Teleshopping 6.30 Cuppa TV 7.00 Teleshopping 7.30 BollyHeat 8.00 Teleshopping 8.30 Burn Up With Natalie 9.00 Teleshopping 9.30 Bethanie Lunn: Fast Style 10.00 Teleshopping 10.30 Brighton Hi-Lights 11.00 The Vote (x5) 1.30pm Cook It 2.00 Carib-Asian Cookery 2.30 Northern Cuisine 3.00 Latest TV’s Big News 5.00 Arts Alive: Acoustic 5.30 Under The Radar 6.00 Latest News 6.30 The Newspapers Mike Mendoza is joined by guests to discuss this week’s stories in the press.

7.00 The Guy Lloyd Telly Show Juice 107.2 DJ and Britain’s Got Talent contestant gets out and about to meet the people of Brighton.

7.30 Latest News 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics and the upcoming key elections for our future.

8.30 Northern Cuisine In this final serving Gareth Kyle visits Newcastle, where he makes ‘Newcastle Eggs’ for some hungry football fans.

9.00 Magic’d Illusionist Tommy Magic brings to the streets his unique style of tricks, sleight-of-hand magic and fast-paced comedy.

9.30 Bored Gamers Redux The very best highlights from series one of Bored Gamers, a funny and irreverent look at video and adult board gaming.

10.00 Modern Toss (x2) Comedy animation and live action series.

11.00 Noise Reel Brighton’s first and foremost local music entertainment show.

11.30 Brighton Album Chart Show 12.00am Teleshopping (x2) 1.30 Latest News 2.00 On The Verge 2.30 CoquetBar Breakfast In Brighton 3.00 Magic’d 3.30 Bored Gamers Redux 4.00 Modern Toss (x2) 5.00 Noise Reel 5.30 Brighton Album Chart Show

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show. Presented by Chris Evans and Alex Jones.

7.30 Would I Lie To You? Comedy panel show hosted by Angus Deayton in which teams must sort the truth from the fiction.

7.57 BBC News And Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Carol is forced to face the music, and Sonia is knocked sideways by her admission. Buster finds himself making a deal with the devil.8.30 Celebrity MasterChef The third week of heats continues as the four remaining celebrities fight for a place in the semi-finals.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show See highlights 11.25 SunTrap Crime comedy. An undercover reporter and his former mentor join forces to solve mysteries on a Spanish island.

11.55 FILM: Flatliners (1990) Spinetingling drama about a group of medical students who explore what it is like to die by using drugs to stop their heart and brain activity temporarily.

1.45am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.50 BBC News

8.30pm Wimbledon 2day Stellar names from the world of tennis join Clare Balding for an entertaining and informed look back at the fifth day of action at the 2015 Wimbledon Championships.

9.30 Gardeners’ World Plants that have a head for heights come under the spotlight this week. At Craigieburn Garden in the Scottish Borders Gardeners’ World discovers a unique collection of Himalayan plants, and visits a nurseryman in Hebden Bridge who has been growing alpines since he was a teenager.

10.00 The RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show The final programme from the 25th Hampton Court Palace Flower Show. Joe looks back to the show’s beginning in 1990 to compare the flower show then and now.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.00 Artsnight See highlights 11.30 Best Of Glastonbury 2015 A joyful round up of highlights from 2015’s Glastonbury Festival of Contemporary Performing Arts at Worthy Farm in Somerset- a general celebration of all things Glastonbury 2015.

1.30am FILM: Even The Rain (2010) 3.10 Sign Zone: Question Time 4.10 Sign Zone: Protecting Our Foster Kids

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Megan goes back on her promise to Rachel. Carly makes a bad call. Belle faces a heartbreaking decision.

7.30 Coronation Street Liz enlists Michelle as she plots revenge.

8.00 Gino’s Italian Escape: A Taste Of The Sun Chef Gino D’Acampo begins his second Italian Escape in Florence as he tackles the famous bistecca alla Fiorentina - the finest, thickest, juiciest steak in Tuscany.

8.30 Coronation Street Leanne is shocked by a familiar face. Has Julie had second thoughts over Brian’s offer?

9.00 Doc Martin Comedy drama series about the famously curmudgeonly GP. Mrs Tishell returns to the village. Martin has to work out what is wrong with beachcomber Lorna.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.40 Vicious Second series of the sitcom following the ups and downs in the lives of an elderly gay couple.

11.10 FILM: The Hitcher (2007) Horror remake about a young couple who become embroiled in a bloody battle of wits with the psychotic hitchhiker whom they stop to pick up on their way home for spring break.

12.40am Jackpot247 3.00 Britain’s Best Bakery 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

6.00 The Simpsons Bart enters his new robot into the Robot Rumble TV show without realising that it’s Homer in a costume.

6.30 Hollyoaks Pete has a trick up his sleeve to charm Lockie and Cameron.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Shipping Wars UK Series following people working in the transport industry. The loads on the road this time are some fragile art works, a steel horse and a classic Canadian canoe.

9.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy version of the quiz show.

10.00 The Last Leg Adam Hills, Josh Widdicombe and Alex Brooker host the comedy show.

11.05 Man Down Sitcom about a frustrated teacher, written by and starring Greg Davies. After sad news from a pupil’s family, Dan - hoping to impress Miss Lipsey, volunteers to look after Dennis for a weekend.

11.40 FILM: Pusher (2012) British crime thriller. A low-level London drug dealer finds his life spinning out of control after he borrows £45,000 to fund what seems to be an incredible business opportunity.

1.15am Supernatural 2.05 The Hotel 3.00 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 3.55 The Renovation Game.

4.50 Deal Or No Deal 5.40 SuperScrimpers 5.50 Draw It

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Call The Council 7.45 The RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show 8.15 Gardeners’ World 8.45 Cowboys And Angels 9.15 Victoria Derbyshire 11.00 Daily Politics 11.30 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00am Countdown 6.45 Will And Grace (x2) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 8.30 Frasier (x2) 9.30 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 10.30 Come Dine With Me (x3) 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me (x2) 1.10 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Deal Or No Deal 4.00 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 5.00 Couples Come Dine With Me

Channel Five

6.00 - 7.50am Children’s television 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.55 Milkshake! Bop Box 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Stop! Police Interceptors: Drink And Drugs 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS: Los Angeles 3.15 FILM: Jesse Stone: Innocents Lost (2011) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Alf returns from the hospital but reacts angrily to Roo when she asks him how he is feeling, causing another heart episode and a trip back to the hospital to face up to an worrying diagnosis.

6.30 5 News Tonight National and international news including reports, live updates and interviews.

Presented by Matt Barbet.

7.00 World War II In Colour Documentary series bringing history to life with the aid of the latest research and modern technology.

8.00 Conspiracy: The Lord Lucan Dossier Documentary series reviewing major events in history through the perspective of conspiracy theories.

9.00 Big Brother: Live Eviction Action from the house as one of the housemates is evicted.

10.30 Big Brother’s Bit On The Side A round-up of Big Brotherrelated news and debate with special guests, exclusive footage and behindthe-scenes treats.

11.30 Big Brother: Live From The House All the drama and excitement of Big Brother as it happens, with exclusive live streaming from the house.

12.00am SuperCasino 3.10 Big Brother: Live Eviction 4.20 Jackass 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 House Doctor Elise Price

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm Hawaii Five-0 (x3) 4.00 Futurama (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x5) 9.00 A League Of Their Own 10.00 Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles 1.00 Night Cops 2.00 Desi Rascals (x2) 4.00 Stargate Atlantis 5.00 RSPCA Animal Rescue

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 Comedy Fest Live 2014 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! 12.05am Family Guy 12.30 Sun, Sex And Suspicious Parents 1.30 People Just Do Nothing (x4) 3.30 Russell Howard’s Good News

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Dame Kiri And Kate Adie: In Conversation 8.00 Pappano’s Classical Voices 9.00 Rock ‘n’ Roll America - See highlights 10.00 FILM: Rock Around The Clock (1956) 11.15 ...

Sings Elvis 12.15am Rock ‘n’ Roll America 1.15 Sounds Of The Sixties (x2) 2.15 ... Sings Elvis

12.10pm Emmerdale (x2) 1.15 You’ve Been Framed!

1.45 Dinner Date 2.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 6.00 Judge Rinder 7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

Yearbook 8.00 FILM: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012) 11.15 Celebrity Juice 12.00am Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.55 Fake Reaction

11.00am A Touch Of Frost 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 The Royal 3.10 Wild At Heart 4.15 French Fields 4.50 Doctor At Large 5.20 On The Buses 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Rosemary And Thyme 9.00 Paul O’Grady: For The Love Of Dogs (x2) 10.00 Afterlife 11.05 The Vice 12.10am FILM: Wimbledon (2004)

3.30pm Baby Daddy 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 FILM: Friends With Benefits (2011) 11.10 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.05am Tattoo Fixers

10.40am FILM: Bear Island (1980) 1.00pm Time Team (x3) 4.10 Four In A Bed (x5) 6.50 Sarah Beeny’s Selling Houses 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 The Saboteurs 10.00 Nazi Megastructures 11.05 24 Hours In A&E 12.05am 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 1.00 Grand Designs 2.05 24 Hours In A&E 3.10 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut

11.00am Bitter Victory (1958) 1.05pm Two Rode Together (1961) 3.30 The Towering Inferno (1974) 6.40 27 Dresses (2008) 9.00 Dragon (2011) 11.00 The Man With The Iron Fists (2012) 12.50am The Hidden Fortress (1958)

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SATURDAY 4 The John Bishop Show BBC1, 9.45pm The remarkable Nina Conti is one of the comic guests tonight, fresh after her five star performance at the Theatre Royal as part of the Brighton Festival. Also featured are Glenn Wool and Nish Kumar, Myra Dubois has an audience singalong, and there are fantastic music performances by Rita Ora and James Bay.

FILM: Burn After Reading ITV1, 11.15pm You can’t go wrong with the Coen brothers, arguably the finest directors alive at the moment.

This black comedy sees them in daft mode, while retaining their trademark intelligence and sharp characterisation. There’s even a stunning, sexy machine made by George Clooney’s Harry Pfarrer. It will take your breath away.

When Albums Ruled The World BBC4, 11.40pm The LP allowed popular music to become an art form, but following the collapse of vinyl sales at the end of the ‘70s the golden era of the album is over (apparently).

Some might disagree and point to the resurgence of vinyl sales, but for music lovers the debate is fascinating. Watch and weigh in.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Teleshopping 6.30 Bowlegs 7.00 Teleshopping 7.30 Arts Alive 8.00 Teleshopping 8.30 Under The Radar 9.00 Teleshopping 9.30 Noise Reel 10.00 Teleshopping 10.30 Brighton Album Chart Show 11.00 Best of Brighton Lights 11.30 The Easy Riders 12.00pm Two Men And A Fish 12.45 Noise Reel Extra 1.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 2.00 Latest News 2.30 In The Pot 3.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 4.00 Latest News 4.30 The Easy Riders 5.00 Noise Reel 5.30 Brighton Album Chart Show 6.00 Latest News The latest news where we are, the latest sports news, plus national and international updates, and the up-to-date forecast for your area and beyond.

6.30 The Newspapers Mike Mendoza is joined by guests to discuss this week’s stories.

7.00 Best of Brighton Lights Richard Shayler takes a cheeky look back on episodes of Brighton Lights, first aired on the internet.

7.30 The Guy Lloyd Telly Show Juice 107.2 DJ and Brtiain's Got Talent contestant gets out and about to meet the people of Brighton.

8.00 You Make It, We Show It! Latest Bill and David Netherton present films made by you, the great Brighton public.

8.30 Post Feature All the latest movie news, reviews and previews.

With Jessica Kellgren Hayes and Joseph Gunn.

9.00 FilmFest on TV: My Accomplice Special comedy set in Brighton, about the romance between a charming young Scot and an artistically-inclined East German.

11.00 Under The Radar 11.30 Noise Reel 12.00am Teleshopping 1.00 Teleshopping 1.30 The Guy Lloyd Telly Show 2.00 You Make It, We Show It! 2.30 Post Feature 3.00 FilmFest on TV 5.00 Under The Radar 5.30 Noise Reel

BBC1

BBC2

6.40 BBC News 6.50 South East Today 7.00 Prized Apart Adventure game show hosted by Emma Willis and Reggie Yates. The adventurers build a boat and row across a huge reservoir in the foothills of the Atlas Mountains.

8.00 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins Nick Knowles hosts the quiz in which two teams of strangers play against each other to complete a series of lists and win up to £100,000.

8.50 Casualty A mother sacrifices her life for her daughter. Through a patient, Dylan learns the power of belief.

9.45 The John Bishop Show See highlights 10.30 BBC News 10.50 Not Going Out Sitcom.

Unburdened by ambition or drive, Lee drifts from one ill-advised job to another.

11.20 Room 101 - Extra Storage Frank Skinner referees three celebrities each week as they compete to banish their top peeve or worst nightmare to the depths of Room 101.

12.00am FILM: The Hot Chick 1.40 Weather For The Week Ahead Detailed weather forecast.

1.45 BBC News BBC One joins the BBC’s rolling news channel for a night of news

8.30 Wimbledon 2day Stellar names from the world of tennis join Clare Balding for an entertaining and informed look back at the sixth day of action at the 2015 Wimbledon Championships.

9.30 Top Gear Motoring magazine.

This episode features two films that were shot for the last series. In the first film, Jeremy, Richard and James immerse themselves in the lifestyle of the traditional classic car enthusiast. In the second film, Clarkson, Hammond and May try to become lifestyle leisure enthusiasts with the help of some incredibly cheap lifestyle leisure vehicles.

10.45 Hunt Vs Lauda: F1’s Greatest Racing Rivals The victory duel for the 1976 Formula 1 Championship has become the stuff of legend. The spectacular battle for supremacy that raged all season between Austrian Niki Lauda and ‘True Brit’ James Hunt has never been equalled. Could swashbuckling Hunt catch the scientific Lauda? This powerful story captures the heart of the 1970s 11.45 FILM: Grand Prix (1966) Colourful, sprawling drama that looks behind the scenes at the world of professional motor racing. Love affairs, accidents and blackmail are combined effectively with thrilling racing sequences shot on location in Monaco, Holland and Brands Hatch.

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 The Box 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015

6.05am Animal Park 6.35 Formula 1: British Grand Prix Practice 1 8.15 Formula 1: British Grand Prix Practice 2 9.55 Formula 1: British Grand Prix Practice 3 11.05 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015 12.10pm Formula 1: British Grand Prix - Qualifying 2.30 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015

ITV1

6.00am Fort Boyard: Ultimate Challenge 6.25 Pat & Stan 6.35 Dino Dan 6.45 Dino Dan 7.00 Canimals 7.15 Sooty 7.30 Super 4 7.45 Fish Hooks 8.00 Young Justice: Invasion 8.25 ITV News 8.30 Weekend 9.25 Murder, She Wrote 10.20 Murder, She Wrote 11.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 12.20pm ITV News & Weather 12.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 1.30 Surprise Surprise 2.30 1000 Heartbeats 3.25 All Star Family Fortunes 4.10 This Is Lionel Richie 5.15 Catchphrase 6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.15 ITV News & Weather 6.30 You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill takes a machete to viewers’ home videos. In today’s show, homemade bombs backfire, an emu steals an iPhone and there are tips on how not to circumcise a tree. Also, what will happen when Harry encourages Holly and Phillip to mate?

7.00 FILM: Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince Harry and the gang confront the terrifying truth that Lord Voldemort is back and Hogwarts is in danger. Harry suspects that threats may even lie within the castle, while Dumbledore remains intent on preparing him for an inevitable final battle.

10.00 ITV News & Weather 10.15 Black Work Second of a three-part thriller. When her detective husband Ryan is murdered, PC Jo Gillespie is expected to leave it to her colleagues in the force to find his killer. With the chief suspect in custody, the investigation into Ryan’s murder appears to have been wrapped up. Jo still has doubts and as she digs further into her husband’s undercover life, she encounters dark secrets on both sides of the law.

11.15 FILM: Burn After Reading See highlights 12.55am Jackpot247 3.00 Ejector Seat 3.45 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.15am How I Met Your Mother 6.40 How I Met Your Mother 7.05 How I Met Your Mother 7.30 Mobil 1 The Grid 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 The Big Bang Theory 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.25 The Simpsons 11.55 The Simpsons 12.25pm The Simpsons 12.55 Rude(ish) Tube 1.25 Channel 4 Racing 4.10 Come Dine With Me 4.45 Come Dine With Me 5.15 Come Dine With Me 5.50 Come Dine With Me 6.15 Come Dine With Me The cookery-based reality show in which five amateur chefs compete. It’s the final day of the competition in Llanelli and the turn of teaching assistant Ainsley to host.

6.40 Channel 4 News 7.00 Walking Through History Tony Robinson embarks on a series of epic walks through some of Britain’s most historic landscapes.

8.00 Penelope Keith’s Hidden Villages Penelope Keith takes to the road to explore our relationship with that most quintessential of British institutions, the village. In this episode, Penelope follows her guidebook through Dorset, Somerset and Wiltshire.

9.00 FILM: G.I. Joe: Retaliation Action-adventure sequel. Elite team GI Joe is still battling its mortal enemy, Cobra, but it is under threat from the government as well, which has accused them of treason.

11.10 FILM: Terminator 2: Judgement Day Sci-fi sequel. In the future, machines rule the Earth, but people are fighting back, so a supercomputer seeks to destroy humankind by sending a virtually indestructible cyborg back in time.

1.45am The Last Leg 2.40 Hollyoaks Omnibus 4.45 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 5.40 River Cottage Bites 5.55 How I Met Your Mother

Channel Five

6.00 - 6.20am Children’s television 6.30 Pip Ahoy! 6.45 The Mr. Men Show 6.55 Chloe’s Closet 7.05 Roobarb And Custard Too 7.15 Make Way For Noddy 7.30 Paw Patrol 7.50 Little Princess 8.00 Wanda And The Alien 8.15 Zack And Quack 8.30 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.45 Jelly Jamm 9.05 LazyTown 9.30 Dora And Friends 10.00 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 10.35 Access 10.40 Cowboy Builders 11.40 Cowboy Builders 12.40pm Cowboy Builders 1.35 FILM: Carry On Cabby (1963) 3.25 FILM: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968) 6.10 5 News Weekend National and international news.

6.15 Nightmare Tenants, Slum Landlords Cameras follow the victims and villains of the buy-to-let boom.

7.10 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away! Documentary series about the plight of people on the sharp end of bad debt - and the people whose job it is to get the money back.

8.05 Benefits: 37 Years On The Dole Documentary featuring three people who, between them, have not worked for 37 years. Stephen is qualified chef but is reluctant to work evenings.

9.00 Benefits Britain: Life On The Dole Documentary series exploring the reality of life on benefits in Britain. The fifth episode of the series looks at the stories of some Roma Gypsies who have come to the UK 10.00 Big Brother Highlights of the latest events in the house over the past 24 hours.

11.00 He Left Me For My Mother...

And Other Betrayals Documentary series focusing on people who have been betrayed by their nearest and dearest.

12.00am Access 12.10 SuperCasino 3.10 Big Brother 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 Make It Big 4.50 Make It Big 5.15 Make It Big 5.45 Angels Of Jarm 5.50 Angels Of Jarm Joe Fuller

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

11.00am Hawaii Five-0 12.00pm The F1 Show 1.00 What’s Up 1.30 Terminator: Genisys Special 2.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew 3.00 Modern Family (x5) 6.00 The Simpsons (x4) 8.00 Guitar Star 9.00 FILM: John Q (2002) 11.15 NCIS: Los Angeles (x3) 2.10am Desi Rascals (x2)

7.00pm Don’t Tell The Bride (x2) 9.00 FILM: Shanghai Noon (2000) 10.45 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.15 Family Guy (x5) 1.00am Sun, Sex And Suspicious Parents 2.00 Uncle (x3) 3.30 Russell Howard’s Good News

7.00pm Fossil Wonderlands: Nature’s Hidden Treasures 8.00 The Himalayas 9.00 Cordon 9.50 Cordon 10.40 Arena: Amy Winehouse - The Day She Came To Dingle 11.40 When Albums Ruled The World 1.10am Top Of The Pops: 1980 1.40 The Himalayas 2.40 Fossil Wonderlands

1.00pm FILM: Along Came Polly (2004) 2.40 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records (x2) 3.45 Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 5.05 FILM: Despicable Me (2005) 7.00 FILM: Evan Almighty (2007) 9.00 Love Island 10.00 FILM: The Break-Up (2006) 12.15am The Keith Lemon Sketch Show

6.00am Movies Now 6.10 Where The Heart Is (x2) 8.05 A Touch Of Frost 10.10 Inspector Morse 12.25pm Inspector Morse 2.40 A Touch Of Frost 4.50 Columbo: Swan Song 7.00 Doc Martin 8.00 Foyle’s War 10.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.00am Wire In The Blood 1.30 Wycliffe 2.25 ITV3 Nightscreen

12.00pm Melissa & Joey (x2) 1.00 Baby Daddy (x2) 2.00 The Goldbergs (x2) 3.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 4.00 FILM: Spy Kids: All The Time In The World In 4D (2011) 5.50 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x6) 9.00 FILM: Attack The Block (2011) 10.45 Gogglebox (x2) 12.55am The IT Crowd

10.30am The Secrets Of Stonehenge 12.10pm The Lost WWI Bunker 1.50 Four In A Bed (x5) 4.25 FILM: The Longest Day (1962) 8.00 7/7: The Miracle Of Carriage 346 9.00 7/7: The Angels Of Edgware Road 10.00 9/11: Ground Zero Underworld 11.10 24 Hours In A&E 12.10am 40 Year Old Virgins

11.00am Night Passage (1957) 1.00pm St Trinian’s 2: The Legend Of Fritton’s Gold (2009) 3.05 The Princess Diaries (2001) 5.20 The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008) 7.10 The Three Stooges (2012) 9.00 Patriot Games (1992) 11.15 Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark (2010) 1.15am Inferno (1980) 3.30 Close

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SUNDAY 5 Humans Channel 4, 9pm Co-produced by the makers of the recently concluded Mad Men and the inescapably popular Breaking Bad, Humans has evidently filled a hole, gaining 6.1 million viewers for its first episode. Undeniable is the interest artificial intelligence sparks in a generation so technologically involved.

A Song For Jenny BBC1, 9pm A one-off drama that poignantly commemorates the 7/7 London bombings, days before its 10 year anniversary. Through an adaptation of the memoirs of Julie Nicholson, mother to victim Jenny, it explores the emotional aftermath of the event, and the impact of violence on a mother and her family.

FILM: Mr Bean’s Holiday ITV2, 2.30pm (2007) Bean’s exponentially problematic endeavour to get to the Cannes beach becomes surprisingly touching, lit by the warm French sunshine. After the film-length struggle, his reaching the sea is gratifying enough almost to rationalise your joining in with the finale’s musical number.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Teleshopping 6.30 Arts Alive: Acoustic 7.00 Teleshopping 7.30 Noise Floor (x2) 9.00 Teleshopping 9.30 Kick Out The Jams 10.00 Teleshopping 10.30 Kick Out The Jams 11.00 Unsigned Transmissions 11.30 Under The Radar 12.00pm Noise Reel 12.30 Brighton Album Chart Show 1.00 Under The Radar 1.30 International Chef Exchange 2.30 Two Men & A Fish 3.15 Noise Reel Extra 3.30 Growing Concerns 4.00 Family, Faith And Fun 4.30 Millionaires’ Row 5.00 Noise Floor 5.30 Kick Out The Jams 6.00 Latest News The latest news plus national and international updates and an up-to-date forecast for your area and beyond.

6.30 The Guy Lloyd Telly Show Juice 107.2 DJ and Britain’s Got Talent contestant gets out and about to meet the people of Brighton.

7.00 Best of Brighton Lights Richard Shayler takes a cheeky look back on episodes of Brighton Lights, first aired on the internet.

7.30 Latest News The latest news plus national and international updates and an up-to-date forecast for your area and beyond.

8.00 Land Rovers Live Adventures, stories and enthusiasts following one of the world’s most iconic vehicles both old and new.

8.30 Latest News The latest news plus national and international updates and an up-to-date forecast for your area and beyond.

9.00 FilmFest On TV Jessica Kellgreen Hayes introduces films by William Ranieri.

11.00 Richard Durrant: Cycling Music Filmed in spring 2014 during his 36 date, 1,500 mile tour of England. Filmed on an iPhone and edited by Richard along the way.

12.00am Teleshopping (x2) 1.30 Latest News 2.00 Land Rovers Live 2.30 Latest News 3.00 FilmFest On TV 5.00 Richard Durrant: Cycling Music

BBC1

BBC2

6.35 BBC News 6.50 South East Today 7.00 Countryfile Countryfile is in Cornwall, where Matt Baker tests his sea legs on the hunt for basking sharks. Ellie Harrison is on the stunning Cornish headland finding out about Operation Neptune, a project set up fifty years ago by the National Trust to map the entire coastline of the UK. 8.00 Fake Or Fortune? Art series with Fiona Bruce and Philip Mould.

Stephen Ames, a Cheshire property developer, has inherited three small oil paintings believed to be by Laurence Stephen Lowry, but he doesn’t have any proof. The trouble for Stephen is that LS Lowry is probably the most faked British artist, his deceptively simple style of painting making him a soft target for forgers.

9.00 A Song For Jenny See highlights.

10.20 BBC News 10.40 South East Today 10.50 Live At The Apollo Series of cutting-edge stand-up comedy recorded at the Hammersmith Apollo.

11.35 Don’t Tell The Bride Reality series in which the groom must choose every detail of his wedding, from venue to cake to wedding dress, with a budget of £12,000.

12.35am Weather For The Week Ahead 12.40 BBC News

6.00 FILM: John Carter (2012) Action adventure film. Arizona, 1868.

A US Civil War veteran is transplanted to Mars and discovers a planet inhabited by giant barbarians.

Finding himself a prisoner of the creatures, he escapes, only to encounter a princess who is in need of a saviour.

8.00 Best Of Top Gear Special episode highlighting some of the best bits of Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond, including road tests, news and features.

9.00 Odyssey US action drama series. On the way to Bamako, Odelle loses Aslam as he retrieves the flash drive, but gets shot in the process.

9.45 Family Guy Subversive animated comedy about the everyday trials and tribulations of family life.

10.25 Family Guy Peter follows the clues on a treasure map placemat and finds a treasure hunt.

10.50 Family Guy Peter’s neck growth turns out to be a happy little vestigial twin, who Peter names Chip.

11.10 Family Guy Quagmire takes his computer to be mended and gets a date with the woman at the computer store.

11.30 Live: Women’s World Cup Final Live coverage of the final in Canada.

2.30am Sign Zone: Countryfile 3.30 Sign Zone: Holby City

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Sunday Morning Live 11.00 Sunday Politics 12.15pm Formula 1 2015 3.30 Prized Apart 4.30 Escape To The Country 5.00 Songs Of Praise 5.35 Nature’s Greatest Dancers

6.15am Homes Under The Hammer 7.15 Big Dreams Small Spaces 8.15 Countryfile 9.15 Gardeners’ World 9.45 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11.15 Formula 1: Rewind - Great Britain 12.20pm Bargain Hunt 1.20 Athletics: Diamond League - Paris Highlights 2.20 Athletics: British Championships 2015

ITV1

6.00am Fort Boyard: Ultimate Challenge 6.25 Pat & Stan 6.35 Dino Dan (x2) 7.00 Canimals 7.15 Sooty 7.30 Super 4 7.45 Fish Hooks 8.00 Young Justice: Invasion 8.25 ITV News 8.30 Weekend 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 12.30pm ITV News & Weather 12.40 Love Your Garden 1.40 Long Lost Family 2.40 FILM: Nanny McPhee And The Big Bang (2010) 4.45 Midsomer Murders 6.45 ITV News Meridian 6.55 ITV News & Weather 7.15 Catchphrase Stephen Mulhern hosts the classic game show. One lucky contestant will go through to the Super Catchphrase for the chance to win fifty thousand pounds.

8.00 Surprise Surprise Holly Willoughby springs more surprises on some of the nation’s most deserving and inspirational people.

9.00 Black Work Conclusion of a three-part thriller. When her detective husband Ryan is murdered, PC Jo Gillespie is shocked to discover he was working undercover. Reeling from a secret that strikes at the heart of her family, Jo decides to put the needs of her children first. Then another body is discovered and she realises that her husband’s killer is still out there - and closer to home than she ever imagined.

10.00 ITV News & Weather 10.20 Bear Grylls: Mission Survive Bear Grylls presents the series in which eight celebrities face a 12-day survival mission through the rainforest of Costa Rica.

11.20 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Bruno Tonioli Strictly Come Dancing judge Bruno Tonioli talks to Piers about his life and career as a dancer and choreographer.

12.15am Jackpot247 3.00 Motorsport UK 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am How I Met Your Mother 6.45 How I Met Your Mother 7.10 Ginetta GT5 Challenge 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Sunday Brunch 12.25pm Jamie And Jimmy’s Friday Night Feast 1.30 The Big Bang Theory 2.00 The Big Bang Theory 2.30 The Big Bang Theory 3.00 The Simpsons 3.30 The Simpsons 4.00 The Simpsons 4.30 Location, Location, Location 5.35 A Place In The Sun: Summer Sun 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Kevin McCloud’s Escape To The Wild Series in which Kevin McCloud meets ordinary people who have abandoned the rat race and chosen to move to some of the most remote places on Earth. Kevin journeys towards the Arctic Circle to meet a Welsh couple who have given up their former lives to reside in a wooden cabin in northern Sweden.

8.00 Amazing Spaces Shed Of The Year 2015 George Clarke and team visit the sheds vying to be crowned Shed of the Year 2015. With the competition at the half way stage, George Clarke and the team visit eight more extraordinary sheds vying to be crowned Shed of the Year 2015.

The two categories this time are Pub Sheds and Budget Sheds, including a Pirates of the Caribbean shed and a nightclub complete with a collection of shrunken heads.

9.00 Humans See highlights.

10.00 FILM: The Grey (2011) Starring Liam Neeson. Survival thriller. When a plane carrying six oil workers crashes in Alaska, the men must contend with freezing conditions and low food supplies with a pack of bloodthirsty wolves haunting their every step.

12.15am Rude Tube 1.10 FILM: The Talented Mr Ripley (1999) 3.30 Come Dine With Me (x5) 5.45 River Cottage Bites

Channel Five

6.00 - 7.15am Children’s Televison 7.15 Make Way For Noddy 7.25 Paw Patrol 7.40 Mio Mao 7.45 Little Princess 8.00 Wanda And The Alien 8.10 Olly The Little White Van 8.15 Zack And Quack 8.30 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.40 Jelly Jamm 8.55 LazyTown 9.25 Milkshake! Monkey 9.30 Dora And Friends: Into The City!

10.00 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 10.35 Access 10.40 Police Interceptors (x2) 12.40pm FILM: Kate And Leopold (2001) 2.50 FILM: Entrapment (1999) 5.05 FILM: Disney’s Hercules (1997) 6.45 5 News Weekend 6.50 FILM: You, Me And Dupree (2006) Starring Owen Wilson, Matt Dillon, Kate Hudson and Michael Douglas. Chaotic comedy.

Newlyweds Carl and Molly are settling in to enjoy their lives together when their marital bliss is shattered by the arrival of Carl’s freewheeling best friend Dupree.

8.00 90 Cats & Counting: Cat Crazies This programme meets cat lovers who take feline worship to a 9.00 Big Brother Highlights of the latest events in the house over the past 24 hours.

10.00 FILM: A Deadly Adoption () Starring Will Ferrell, Kristen Wiig and Jessica Lowndes. Black comedy thriller about a successful couple who take in and care for a six-monthspregnant woman. They are hoping to be able to adopt the new baby, but taking a total stranger into their house is taking a terrible risk with the family’s safety.

11.45 FILM: Assumed Killer (2013) Thriller. A successful news reporter is covering the story of a local serial killer when she is involved in a car accident. Waking up in the hospital with amnesia, she gradually realises that her own husband fits the profile of the murderer in several ways.

1.05am SuperCasino 3.10 Big Brother 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 Make It Big (x3) 5.45 Angels Of Jarm (x2) Elise Price

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

8.00am Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 9.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew 10.00 Glee 11.00 WWE Raw 12.00pm Monkey Life (x10) 5.00 The Simpsons (x6) 8.00 The Last Ship 9.00 Kings And Queens Of Speech 10.00 A League Of Their Own 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 12.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2)

7.00pm Formula 1: The British Grand Prix Highlights 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 FILM: Shanghai Knights (2003) 10.45 Russell Howard’s Good News (x2) 11.45 Family Guy 12.10am American Dad! 12.30 Family Guy 12.55 Sun, Sex And Suspicious Parents 1.55 Uncle (x3)

7.00pm The Dalai Lama At 80 7.30 Schonbrunn Summer Night Concert From Vienna 9.00 Pappano’s Classical Voices 10.00 FILM: Far From The Madding Crowd (1967) 12.40am The Dalai Lama At 80 1.10 Rock ‘n’ Roll America 2.10 Schonbrunn Summer Night Concert From Vienna

11.30am Take Me Out 12.40pm Take Me Out: The Gossip 1.25 Love Island 2.30 FILM: Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) See highlights 4.15 FILM: Princess Diaries 2 (2004) 6.30 FILM: Jurassic Park (1993) 9.00 Love Island 10.00 FILM: Scary Movie 5 (2013) 11.50 Fake Reaction 12.30am Love Island

8.00am Heartbeat (x2) 10.00 Wycliffe 11.05 Columbo: Swan Song 1.20pm Goodbye Mr Chips 3.20 Wycliffe 4.35 FILM: The Railway Children (1970) 6.50 Inspector Morse 9.00 Joanna Lumley: The Search For Noah’s Ark 10.30 FILM: The American President (1995) 12.50am Blue Murder

12.00pm Couples Come Dine With Me (x2) 2.00 FILM: Penelope (2006) 3.50 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts 4.00 The Goldbergs (x2) 5.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 5.30 FILM: The Net (1995) 7.45 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x4) 10.00 Gogglebox (x2) 12.05am The IT Crowd (x2) 1.15 Tattoo Fixers

11.00am Ainsley Harriott’s Street Food 12.00pm Kirstie And Phil’s Love It Or List It 1.00 Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals (x3) 2.40 Four In A Bed (x5) 5.15 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 Ainsley Harriott’s Street Food 9.00 Car S.O.S 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown 11.05 24 Hours In A&E 12.10am 8 Out Of 10 Cats

11.00am Bend Of The River (1952) 1.00pm The Parent Trap (1998) 3.40 Earthquake (1974) 6.15 Clear And Present Danger (1994) 9.00 Colombiana (2011) 11.10 The Client (1994) 1.30am Holy Motors (2012) 3.50 Close

025_735_tv_mon_elise_L7wed14apr.qxd 26/06/2015 15:11 Page 1

MONDAY 6 Mock The Week BBC2, 9.30pm A welcome inversion of the typically macabre news bulletins.

Host Dara O’Briain and regulars Hugh Dennis and Andy Parsons are joined by guests Rob Beckett, Miles Jupp, Romesh Ranganathan and Tiff Stevenson for another episode’s fix of topical comedy, light quizzing and rounds of quick-fire stand up.

Hiroshima: The Aftermath Channel Five, 8pm With the 70th anniversary of the devastating world event turning in August this year, Channel 5 honours the Hiroshima atomic bombing, one of the most infamous events in modern history, with an investigation into the aftermath and how it forever changed the landscape of contemporary warfare.

Gogglebox E4, 11pm The multiple-award-winning meta television show provides a candid insight into the life of a few select remote wielders and living room dwellers. Gogglebox allows you to watch other people watching TV in real-time, documenting real-world responses and satisfying the natural eavesdropper in all of us.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Teleshopping 6.30 Cuppa TV 7.00 Teleshopping 7.30 BollyHeat 8.00 Teleshopping 8.30 Burn Up With Natalie 9.00 Teleshopping 9.30 Bethanie Lunn: Fast Style 10.00 Teleshopping 10.30 Brighton Hi-Lights 11.00 The Vote (x4) 1.00pm The Newspapers 1.30 Cook It 2.00 CaribAsian Cookery 2.30 Northern Cuisine 3.00 Latest TV’s Big News 5.00 Bowlegs 5.30 Arts Alive: Acoustic 6.00 Latest News 6.30 Burn Up With Natalie Personal trainer Natalie Golland gives viewers a fitness workout.

7.00 The Guy Lloyd Telly Show Juice 107.2 DJ and Britain’s Got Talent contestant gets out and about to meet the people of Brighton.

7.30 Latest News 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

8.30 Cook It Andrew Kay presents the no frills cookery programme to help you prepare tasty, simple fresh food.

9.00 Latest News 9.30 International Chef Exchange International Chef Exchange does Lidköping in Sweden and Borde Hill, Sussex.

10.30 Latest News The latest news where we are, plus national updates.

11.00 On The Verge New sounds and breaking bands.

11.30 CoquetBar Breakfast In Brighton Nick Coquet’s misty-eyed, musical merry-go-round: 30 minutes of toppermost pop music, upcycled ephemera and stunning cinematography.

12.00am Teleshopping (x2) 1.30 Latest News 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Cook It 3.00 Latest News 3.30 International Chef Exchange 4.30 Latest News 5.00 On The Verge 5.30 CoquetBar Breakfast In Brighton

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show.

7.30 Nigel Slater: Eating Together 7.57 BBC News And Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Stacey is stunned when she learns why Jean is there.

8.30 Panorama 9.00 The Met Documentary following the officers of Britain’s biggest and busiest police service as they deal with life, death, crime and its victims, all across the capital.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 A Deadly Warning: Srebrenica Revisited 11.05 Have I Got Old News For You Another chance to see the prizewinning comedy quiz show that grills celebrity contestants on the week’s news.

11.35 The Graham Norton Show Graham Norton presents a show focusing on people, trends, stories and the aspects of celebrity culture that interest him most, featuring trademark Norton comedy monologues, celebrity chat, eccentric stories and characters, and homegrown weirdness from the great British viewing public.

12.25am Weather For The Week Ahead 12.30 BBC News.

8.30pm Wimbledon 2day Stellar names from the world of tennis join Clare Balding for an entertaining and informed look back at the action from day seven of the 2015 Wimbledon Championships.

9.30 Mock The Week See highlights 10.00 Episodes Comedy series. Carol and Beverly continue to take drastic measures to hide their friendship from ever-suspicious Helen. With Helen out of town on business, there seems to be a window for them to enjoy each other’s company without looking over their shoulders.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Evan Davis.

11.20 Odyssey US action drama series. On the way to Bamako, Odelle loses Aslam as he retrieves the flash drive, but gets shot in the process.

While a captive of al-Qaeda, Odelle tries to prove her value to an Ansar Dine interrogator, who is willing to help her escape for the right information.

12.05am Sign Zone: Watchdog 1.05 Sign Zone: The BBC At War, Presented By Jonathan Dimbleby 4.00 Locomotion: Dan Snow’s History Of Railways - Learning Zone 4.40 Why The Industrial Revolution Happened Here - Learning Zone 5.00 Ultimate Brain Mad Lab (x2)

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Carly goes to extremes to save the shop. Ross struggles with his jealousy.

7.30 Coronation Street Leanne tries to threaten Dan but it backfires. Ken prepares for Deirdre’s return.

8.00 Vet School Documentary series following the pioneering work of vets and students at the Edinburgh Royal School of Veterinary Studies as they treat a whole variety of animals.

8.30 Coronation Street Simon’s birthday brings out the worst in him.

Roy is determined to help Cathy. Has Kylie had enough of David?

9.00 Vicious Conclusion of the second series of the sitcom following the ups and downs in the lives of an elderly gay couple.

9.30 It’s A Funny Old Week With Jason Manford Jason Manford presents a topical comedy news review show that takes an entertaining look at the last seven days in news.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.40 Plebs Sitcom following three desperate young men who reside in ancient Rome.

11.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA Jeremy Kyle takes his hugely successful chat show to the United States.

12.00am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2)

6.00 The Simpsons Homer gets a night-shift job driving an ambulance, leaving Marge free to write a novel during the day. With the guest voices of Tom Clancy, Thomas Pynchon and the Olsen twins.

6.30 Hollyoaks Teen drama. Porsche despairs when sinister secrets start to surface.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 How Councils Blow Your Millions: Channel 4 Dispatches Investigative journalism series.

8.30 Superfoods: The Real Story Kate Quilton investigates the purported health benefits of superfoods.

9.00 How To Get A Council House Documentary series looking at council housing in the country’s most densely populated city, Portsmouth.

10.00 Man Down Sitcom about a frustrated teacher, written by and starring Greg Davies.

10.35 Tattoo Fixers Reality series in which tattoo artists join forces to fix the UK’s shocking tattoo catastrophes.

11.40 24 Hours In A&E Documentary series following patients at St George’s Hospital in south west London.

12.35am Child Genius 1.30 One Born Every Minute USA 2.20 Mary’s Bottom Line 3.15 How Britain Worked 4.10 The Renovation Game 5.05 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Neighbourhood Blues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Helicopter Heroes Down Under 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Call The Council 7.45 The RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show 8.15 Escape To The Continent 9.15 Victoria Derbyshire 11.00 Daily Politics 11.30 Tennis: Wimbledon 2015

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00am Countdown 6.45 Will And Grace (x2) 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 8.30 Frasier (x2) 9.30 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 10.30 Come Dine With Me (x3) 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me (x2) 1.10 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Deal Or No Deal 4.00 A Place In The Sun 5.00 Couples Come Dine With Me

Channel Five

6.00 - 7.45am Children’s television 7.45 Milkshake! Monkey 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 90 Cats & Counting: Cat Crazies 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Trail To Hope Rose (2004) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Alf continues to push his loved ones away, and is left alone to wonder what is wrong with him. Evie organises a romantic movie night to try to get Maddy and Matt together, but the pair do not seem to take the bait. Ash lashes out when he finds Kyle and Billie in bed together.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 Police Interceptors Crime documentary series following Lincolnshire’s high-speed law enforcement teams.

8.00 Hiroshima: The Aftermath See highlights.

9.00 Big Brother Highlights of the latest events in the house over the past 24 hours. This year, the clock is ticking and housemates’ past, present and future are in the hands of Big Brother.

10.00 Under The Dome Horror sci-fi mystery series based on Stephen King’s bestselling novel.

11.00 Big Brother’s Bigger Bit On The Side A round-up of Big Brotherrelated news and debate, with special guests, exclusive footage and behind the scenes treats.

12.15am The 12-Year-Old Shopaholic... And Other Big Spending Kids 1.10 SuperCasino 3.10 Big Brother 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 Divine Designs 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Elise Price

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

9.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x4) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles 2.00 Forever 3.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 4.00 Futurama (x2) 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3)8.00 Modern Family (x2) 9.00 Extreme Phobias, Extreme Cures 10.00 Glee 11.00 A League Of Their Own 12.00am Hawaii Five-0

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 Bad Boy Boxer: The Last Chance 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Bad Education 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! 12.10am Family Guy 12.30 Bad Boy Boxer: The Last Chance 1.30 Insane Fight Club II 2.30 Bad Education 3.00 Bad Boy Boxer: The Last Chance

7.00pm News 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys Goes To Ireland 8.00 Shakespeare’s Mother 9.00 War At Sea: Scotland’s Story 10.00 Catching History’s Criminals 11.00 Rome: A History Of The Eternal City 12.00am Dan Cruickshank’s Civilisation Under Attack 1.00 Shakespeare’s Mother

12.10pm Emmerdale 12.40 Coronation Street (x2) 1.45 Dinner Date 2.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 6.00 Judge Rinder 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Ibiza Weekender 10.00 Love Island 11.00 Celebrity Juice 11.45 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.45am The Vampire Diaries

8.40am Murder, She Wrote 9.40 Judge Judy (x3)11.00 A Touch Of Frost 1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 The Royal 3.10 Wild At Heart 4.15 French Fields 4.50 Doctor At Large 5.20 On The Buses 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.00 The Little House (x2) 12.00am The Vice

3.00pm Baby Daddy 3.30 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 4.30 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 5.30 The Big Bang Theory (x3) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 The Goldbergs 8.00 New Girl 8.30 The Mindy Project 9.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 10.00 My Mad Fat Diary 11.00 Gogglebox 12.05am The Big Bang Theory

11.05am FILM: Against The Wind (1948) 1.00pm Time Team (x2) 3.10 The World’s Weirdest Weather 4.10 Four In A Bed (x5) 6.50 Sarah Beeny’s Selling Houses 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 A Place In The Sun 10.00 One Born Every Minute 11.05 24 Hours In A&E 12.10am 8 Out Of 10 Cats 1.00 A Place In The Sun

11.00am 3.10 To Yuma (1957) 12.50pm Guadalcanal Diary (1943) 2.40 Destry Rides Again (1939) 4.40 Hanover Street (1979) 6.50 Step Up (2006) 9.00 G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (2009) 11.15 Animal Kingdom (2010) 1.30am Everything Put Together (1999) 3.25 Close