Latest 7: No. 705

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TIMELY ADAPTATIONS Hemingway’s A Farewell To Arms is brought to life at The Old Market

SEVEN SWANS...

Swimmingly great design ideas for you, your friends and your home at Made Brighton page 13

WITH A CRASH AND A BANG – FIREWORKS HAIL THE FINALE OF SHOCKTOBER FEST 2014

A HAND-CRAFTED CHRISTMAS Beautiful gifts for you and yours from Artists Open Houses Christmas festival

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EDITOR’S NOTE

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e’ve been having a lot of fun lately, and it’s wonderful to be reminded that fun – in all of its shapes, sizes and guises – can play a huge part in working towards admirable causes. Perhaps that’s why they call it ‘fun’draising? Ok, I’ll admit ... that was a bad one.

Rockinghorse Children’s Charity raised funds by rallying the troops to a themed Halloween quiz recently; read about it on page 5. And Macmillan are currently appealing for the Cancer Support Centre and already have crowds of solidarity behind them; see page 12.

If you didn’t already know how significantly the city of Brighton & Hove packs a punch, sport-wise, you’ll be interested in Jules Breach’s synopsis; she’s the lady-in-the-know over at Latest Sport HQ, and she’s got the gossip on page 8. High-jinks reign supreme over at the TV studio too, and the Brighton

Lights team fill you in on page 10.

It’s no use avoiding it any longer, and frankly, why would we want to with so much on offer this imminent shopping season? MADE Brighton and the Christmas Artists Open Houses visit town; read more on pages 13/14.

Calling all stand up comedy devotees – the hand-flapping, sweatdrenched, ultrasonic Lee Evans and his comparably introvert, sardonic contemporary Jon Richardson are both releasing new DVDs this month, and we have copies to give away; see page 15. With all this and more, I bid you happy reading ...

Louise Bevan, Editor Addendum: we would like to extend our warmest thanks to Marta Ptaszkiewicz (of Sussex Artbeat) for the photos of Jamie McCartney’s ‘Sum of Our Parts’ art exhibition, featured in Latest People, issue 703.

Email your comments to editorial@thelatest.co.uk or visit us online at thelatest.co.uk

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13 Friday 21 November 2014 Cabaret Bar presents: The Standard Lamps + Tenderhooks – melodic tunes with a raw blues edge.

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LATEST 7/HOMES

Managing Director Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Creative Director Andrew Kay Latest Homes Commercial Manager Patrick Kneath

Entertainment & Production Editor Victoria Nangle Advertising Manager Rachel Simm Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Design Jason Weaver Kyle Moon

Editor Louise Bevan Sub Editor Laura Gooch Staff writers Jo Brooks Brian Mitchell Joseph Nixon Lynn Ruth Miller

05 Latest People Shocktober Fest 2014; Dan Tester’s book launch; Rockinghorse Charity Quiz 06 Latest News Headlines with Frank le Duc, Tim Ridgway, and B&H City Council leader Jason Kitcat 08 Latest Sport It’s fisticuffs with Jules and the Sport team 09 Bare Cheek Ten things to do before you’re fifty ...

10 Brighton Lights Lynn Ruth has good news; Richard Shayler’s in a pickle; Guy Lloyd’s glorious in gold 12 Celeb City Diversity’s new tour; Macmillan’s fundraising success; Carrie Reichardt’s solo show 13 MADE Brighton A little artsy, crafty inspiration 14 Christmas Artists Open Houses Everything you need for a hand-crafted Xmas 14 South Coast film interview Jessica Kellgren-Hayes talks to Will Jewell 15 Kay Town A hoarder’s treasure chest 15 Competitions Win Lee Evans and Jon Richardson DVDs 16 Snap Shots Diana Frangi snaps author Peter James 17 Brighton Writes On The Grapevine tells of New Zealand sparkles; Dr Caroline Oprandi talks science 18 Hotlist Restaurants, cafes and takeaway listings 19 Cook It! Back to Guernsey ... but not for hospital food 20 Entertainment News What’s on for stage, film, comedy, art & music in your city 24 Brighton Writes Andrew Bullock on Chelsea’s social elite; The Bored Gamers on ‘deadly’ mistakes 25 TV Listings Seven days of TV listings

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Friday 21 November 2014 Cafe Bar presents: Drag Me To Hell Who the hell needs Christmas when you can have Halloween all over again?!

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this week> Tue 18 Café Bar Café Scientifique 7.30pm, free with collection Cabaret Bar Jyotsna + Musicians Of The Rebet Asker Greek Roots series 7.30pm, £8 adv/£10 door Wed 19 Café Bar Skeptics in the Pub 8pm, £2 Cabaret Bar Eliza Shaddad + Bella Spinks + Lutine 8pm, £5 adv/£7 door Fri 20 Cabaret Bar The Standard Lamps + Tenderhooks 8pm, £5 Café Bar Drag Me To Hell 8pm, £4

www.latestmusicbar.co.uk 14 –17 manchester street Advance tickets from www.wegottickets.com

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PEOPLE

Shocktober Fest 2014, Dan Tester’s Book Launch, Rockinghorse Charity Halloween Quiz

‘BRIGHTON & HOVE ON THIS DAY’ LAUNCH Author Dan Tester was interviewed, greeted visitors and spent time signing copies of his new book, Brighton & Hove On This Day, at a launch party on Friday 24 October 2014.

The event ran from 5pm to 8pm upstairs at The Eagle, 125 Gloucester Passage (Gloucester Road), just a few minutes away from Brighton station.

Brighton & Hove On This Day revisits all the most magical and memorable moments from the two towns’ pulsating history, mixing in a maelstrom of quirky anecdotes and legendary characters to produce an irresistibly dippable Brighton and Hove ‘diary’ – with an entry for every day of the year.

From Brighton’s first market in 1313 to 7,000 Brightonians feasting at the first unofficial Brighton Festival in 1817; from bear-baiting in Bear Road to digging the deepest well in the world at Woodingdean – the book pays homage to the people and events that have helped shape this marvellous cultural melting pot, long synonymous with creativity, music, hedonism, freedom and tolerance.

Brighton & Hove On This Day revisits Saturday 6 April 1974, when ‘The Abba’ won the Eurovision Song Contest at The Dome, singing ‘Waterloo’. (The Brit jurors awarded the Swedish superstars ‘nul points’!)

On Thursday 14 January 1999, Brighton was unveiled as ‘the coldest place in the universe’.

A sample of gas in a lab at the University of Sussex was cooled to only a few hundred billionths of a degree above absolute zero.

On Friday 4 April 1823 bricklayer Daniel Watts and sawyer James Smith competed in a famous prize fight. After an hour, Smith was knocked unconscious, and sadly died the next morning. Watts was charged with manslaughter but passed away from his own injuries before he could be brought to trial.

Wednesday 21 February 2007 saw the council warn Hove resident Stuart Conway for throwing 7,000 bottles into the sea over a ten-year period.

The free online message-in-a-bottle service said, “I like to think of myself as a sort of postman for emotions.”

Pic: Antony Carol About the Author: Dan Tester is the author of Brighton & Hove Albion On This Day (I and II), and has also penned a tome on ‘men named Michael’. Dan has spent the majority of his life in Brighton and Hove and has a great passion for the place. A copywriter by trade, he also puts on funk and soul nights and co-presents Radio Reverb’s monthly ‘Family Funktunes’ show.

SPECTACULAR FIREWORKS DISPLAY DRAWS A CLOSE TO SHOCKTOBER FEST 2014 As the Halloween season drew to a close, Tulleys Farm set the sky alight with an incredible fireworks finale to celebrate the close of Tulleys Shocktober Fest Scream Park for another year.

Ending the 19 nights of frights and thrills, thousands of scare-fans, families and friends made their way to the top field to watch a fireworks display that did not disappoint.

Choreographed to a captivating soundtrack,

including music from the motion picture Frozen and hit show Game of Thrones, the stunning twenty minute spectacle was every bit as dramatic, filling the night sky with explosions of colour at every turn.

The Scream Park welcomed over 55,000 visitors this Halloween season, exceeding all previous year’s attendance and remaining firmly at the top as one of the UK’s most popular Halloween attractions.

Stuart Beare, owner of Tulley’s Farm, is delighted with how the event went.

“We've had the pleasure of entertaining thousands of visitors with our award winning haunts, street theatre and live music, and have been delighted with seeing how the addition of our new attractions has added extra value to our offering. We can't wait until next year, when we return with even more. Our scare fans are encouraged to keep an eye on the Tulleys Farm website throughout the year, as plans for further frightening entertainment are in development.”

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A SPOOKTACULAR HALLOWEEN QUIZ Guests took part in a Spooktacular Halloween Quiz on Thursday 30 October in aid of Rockinghorse Children’s Charity.

The Brighton based charity transformed the Palm Court Restaurant on Brighton Pier into a Halloween haunt and treated their ghoulish guests to five rounds of quiz trivia and some famous pier fish and chips.

The event raised £2,976 for Rockinghorse through ticket sales and a fundraising raffle, which included premier tickets to Lingfield Park Racecourse and match day tickets for Charlton Athletic FC. Quizmaster Gareth Sheppard entertained the 17 teams and crowned team ‘Pumkings’, made up of staff from BICS (Brighton & Hove Integrated Care Service) as the first ever Spooktacular Halloween Quiz champions.

Rockinghorse is the official fundraising arm of the Royal Alexandra Children’s Hospital (the Alex) in Brighton and a vital supporter of the Trevor Mann Baby Unit (TMBU); they raise money for life-saving and cutting-edge medical equipment.

Analiese Doctrove, Head of Fundraising at Rockinghorse, said: “Thank you to everyone who joined us for the first ever Rockinghorse Spooktacular Halloween Quiz, it was great to see so many local businesses show their support and donate so generously.

We look forward to welcoming everyone back for our next fundraising quiz in March!”

The charity is currently fundraising for a Mini C-arm X-ray unit for the theatres at the Alex, and is about to launch their Christmas appeal to provide a Retcam machine for the TMBU, which will revolutionise the care given to tiny patients.

For more information about Rockinghorse Children’s Charity and the work they do to support poorly babies, children and their families in Sussex, visit: www.rockinghorse.org.uk.

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Brighton and Hove City Council leader Jason Kitcat talks road safety National Road Safety Week, organised by the charity Brake, is an opportunity to reflect on the impact of road crashes on the lives of hundreds of thousands of families across the country.

This year’s theme is ‘Look Out For Each Other’, with campaigners trying to challenge the sometimes antagonistic atmosphere between people in cars, buses, bikes and on foot competing with each other for space, speed and priority.

Brake points out that regardless of how we chose to travel, we are really just people trying to get about our business.

They also argue that streets should be a place where everyone looks out for each other – especially the most vulnerable.

Safety on Brighton and Hove roads has been improving in recent years. Last year saw 200 fewer people injured or killed in collisions on our streets than in 2010, with local hospital surgeons commenting on the decrease in severity of injuries.

This is the result of our policies to make our streets safer. Research has shown that for every 1mph reduction in average speeds, crash rates fall by 5%. So we’ve slowed traffic on many of our residential and shopping streets through introducing 20mph speed limits and traffic calming measures.

We’ve also redesigned some of our most dangerous roads, junctions and crossings – Seven Dials, Old Shoreham Road, Lewes Road, East Street – to make them more people-friendly and safer. Similar work is underway on the Vogue Gyratory and Edward Street too.

Making physical changes helps make streets safer, but it’s up to people travelling around the city to look out for each other. This National Road Safety Week we’re supporting calls for people to look longer and taking it slow at junctions and bends, and giving others plenty of room – especially as the nights close in.

Only by putting safety first and being considerate to one another will the numbers of people hurt on our streets continue to fall.

LATEST BRIGHTON & HOVE NEWS FRANK LE DUC THE VOTE

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Where will our children live? And what about the poor? Housing chairman Bill Randall is in a hurry for answers

Frank Le Duc with Bill Randall

sk Brighton and Hove’s politicians to name the most pressing problem facing the city and many will say housing. Rising prices – whether buying or renting – make it increasingly hard for people who grow up here to stay here when the time comes to fly the family nest.

Bill Randall, the former leader of Brighton and Hove City Council, is determined to do something about it – and he’s a man in a hurry. He plans to retire at the local elections next May which gives him less than six months as chairman of the council’s Housing Committee to secure a legacy.

Several schemes are in the pipeline as the council becomes one of only a few in England to resume building. But it’s a slow process. A year ago the first residents moved into Balchin Court, in Wellington Road, Brighton. The 15 properties were the first to have been built by the council in a generation.

But the scheme was devised by the Conservatives when they ran the council. They left office in May 2011.

Councillor Randall, a Green, has always credited the Tories with

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getting the ball rolling while pointing out that the job was completed on his watch. But it added just 15 homes to the council’s stock of more than 11,000 houses and flats. And in the past two years alone, he said, 107 tenants had exercised their right to buy.

What’s more important: a room with a view or a room?

Now it’s Councillor Randall’s turn to get the ball rolling. His successor – of whatever political stripe – will, he hopes, inherit projects and momentum. Despite a difficult financial landscape, the council is due to start on more than 200 homes over the next few years.

At the last election the Greens hoped to make a start on a thousand “affordable” homes.

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The aim was for housing associations to build most of them. But the financial rules changed, making it harder for the likes of Hyde, Affinity Sutton and Southern to fund schemes. And private developers baulked at the council’s policy of 40% social housing in every project to build more than ten homes.

Despite this, more than 600 affordable homes have been built.

To the dismay of many and the anger of some, just under half have been for rent. Even housing associations are tending to build homes to sell or for shared ownership. More than once Councillor Randall has asked: “Who will house the poor?”

With the universities growing – more than 33,000 students already live in Brighton and Hove – he might also ask where will we house the poor? Not least because people priced out of London are also moving in. And after Chichester, Brighton is the most popular town or city for Londoners to buy a second home.

The council is struggling to identify enough land to satisfy a government planning inspector that it is allocating enough space for new homes. She urged officials to look at the “urban fringe” – green spaces mostly on the edge of the Downs.

Residents in Saltdean and Ovingdean have already voiced their opposition to building homes on greenfield sites. The prospect of 380 houses in Benfield Valley has also prompted concern. Toad’s Hole Valley in Hangleton appears to have proved more acceptable.

Councillor Randall said: “We don’t want to build on all of the fringe or on any allotments or parks but some sites – in addition to Toad’s Hole valley – are suitable. We should use some of it and we should use it sensitively.

There’s a whole lot of nimby-ism going on at the moment. My question for them is this – what’s more important: a room with a view or a room? Where are our sons and daughters going to live?

“It’s important to the economy as well as people’s wellbeing.

Companies wanting to move to the city ask is there space for me to base my company here and is there somewhere affordable for my staff to live. We could lose business to other areas because of it. It’s the most critical problem facing the city.”

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TIM RIDGWAY LATEST NEWS

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This week’s headlines from across the city

ROADWORKS HELL It’s the most wonderful time of the year... at least when it come to roadworks.

Last week I totted up more than 100 different sets of schemes taking place across the city.

Brighton and Hove City Council maintains that the works are essential and required to keep everyone moving.

But speaking to businesses – some of whom are claiming they are on the verge of closing due to long-running works – they are far from happy.

CHRISTMAS PARKING PRESENT From bad news to motorists to a bit of good news...

This year once again parking charges will be lifted at five city centre car parks on December 6, as well as Sundays December 7, 14 and 21.

Green councillors claim the decision was “fact-free” – pointing out that council experts said it had no obvious impact on bringing more people into the city.

But opposition councillors ignored the estimated £64,00 hit in revenue, adding it was important message to send to shoppers in the run up to Christmas.

TV’s current affairs show, housing committee cairman Cllr Bill Randall said he believed community land trusts could be the answer to the city’s housing crisis.

The radical scheme has proved a hit in some European countries – but could it work here?

TOWERING PLANS Work is due to start tomorrow (Wednesday, November 19) on the £1.3 million restoration of the tower of Brighton’s cathedral – St Peter’s Church.

The church has already spent a similar sum restoring the main building since the new team took over five years ago.

And now they have their sights on a higher goal.

The work on the tower is scheduled to be carried out in three phases and to last about 18 months.

FUNDRAISING SUCCESS 1 Good news for charity fundraisers!

Macmillan has announced it has

just £500,000 more to raise for its new cancer support centre in Brighton.

Proposals for the £6 million building were first unveiled five years ago.

And with work now progressing, the charity has confirmed that it is now on the verge of reaching its target.

As campaigners celebrated, Latest TV’s Mhairi Beveridge caught up with Sara Cutting (pictured below), a cancer patient, who is raising money in a very special way – by wearing a different headpiece every day.

For more details visit www.justgiving.com/ chemosnoodhead.

FUNDRAISING SUCCESS 2 This year’s Children In Need was once again a runaway success.

From the workers at Legal and General in Hove who stayed on to man the phones to young Lilly Armstrong, who joined up with her friends to record a cover of Take That’s Shine – the efforts from all were fantastic The Latest TV cameras were out and about capturing some of the work – and we weren’t left disappointed.

FUN OF THE FAIR Those of you looking for a little bit of Christmas shopping inspiration could do worse than pop along to Made Brighton.

The city’s annual contemporary craft and design fair has become a real hit in recent years.

It returns to the Corn Exchange on Friday and runs till Sunday.

WAKE UP CALL So apparently residents in Brighton spend more money on coffee that in any other place across the country.

Even the recession has not halted the caffeine craze – with seemingly a café a week opening up in the city centre.

I’ll drink to that...

CO-OP HOUSNG The housing crisis in Brighton and Hove is reaching new heights.

With more and more people wanting to live here, more and more “locals” are being priced out.

But the city council has come up with a novel idea to provide affordable housing.

Speaking on The Vote, Latest

Marina Life Kirsty Pollard: Free Festive Creation Stations with Heart Angels

he Heart Angels will be taking residency inside 35 Marina Square with their ‘festive creation station’ on Saturday 29 November between 11am and 3pm.

The creation station is an area where families can come and relax while the kids carry out some Christmas colouring sheets, or make their own Heart Whirly Mill to take home with them. The Heart Angels will also be giving out reindeer hats to get everyone into the Christmas spirit! As well as all this fun, visitors will also have the chance to register to win a Marina VIP day out.

The Marina VIP Christmas prize, for two, includes:

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• Overnight stay (king size sea facing room) with full English breakfast at Hotel Seattle • Unlimited Cineworld cinema passes • Bowling at Bowlplex • Chips & Champagne at Rendezvous Casino • Massage treatments from Spa Tara • A month’s membership from sásta fitness This event will also provide one of the last opportunities for you to get your hands on a 2014 Brighton Marina Gold Card, as well as giving you some great savings at over 40 marina venues where you will be entered into the free prize draw to win a Mini First Hatchback from Chandlers Mini Brighton (terms and conditions apply).

There is so much to get involved with, so make sure you visit the Heart Angels for your chance to have fun and be in with a chance to win prizes.

Kirsty Pollard, Brighton Marina’s Marketing and Events Manager: kirsty.pollard@x-leisure.co.uk www.brightonmarina.co.uk

• LATEST 7 07 www.thelatest.co.uk •

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FIGHTING FIT Jules Breach has all the behind-the scenes gossip fom Latest Sport ey there you lovely Brighton sporty lot!

My birthday week has been and gone, and as expected, I didn’t manage my one run for the week. I suppose that means two this week to make up for it right? Or maybe I’ll save them all up and do four in the last week of November!? Great plan! Due to the fact that I spent the majority of last week off “gallivanting” (as my mum calls it), I haven’t done much in the way of reporting in the past seven days, therefore I’ll just tell you what the hard working boys on the team have been up to instead... unless you want to hear about all my top form birthday banter?! No, didn’t think so.

So let’s get straight to the nitty gritty... Brighton have had two home games in the past week, and we actually got some results, hoorah! In an ideal world, I personally think we needed two wins out of those home fixtures and frankly we shouldn’t really be cheering about a draw at home to Blackburn. Having said that, based on our recent form, I suppose a win and a draw are better than a poke in the eye. Our next match sees us travelling to Norwich, so let’s hope we continue this, somewhat positive form we seem to be in at the moment.

In other sporting news, I’m excited that my favourite sport, tennis, has made its way to the O2 arena in London for the ATP finals. I know it’s not as much of a buzz as Wimbledon, but, having all the top ATP players competing in our capital city is a very exciting spectacle. I’ve been loving watching all the action on the telly and I’m hoping to nab some tickets this week, fingers crossed! I know this is a very tedious link, but has anyone been watching Judy Murray on Strictly Come Dancing?

Bless her, it’s baffling to think that she has any hand eye coordination based on her dance moves and rhythm! Gotta love a trier though, and the banter from Andy and Jamie Murray about their mum’s dance moves has been hilarious. Keep it up boys! And mummy Murray!

On our show last week,

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Matchday Breakfast, our very own Tim Embleton took to the sofa at the Amex to interview a list of great sporting guests once again.

A highlight of the show had to be having the International Masters Light Middleweight champ Lloyd Ellet on the sofa with Crusader Events’ Scott Welch to discuss all the action from the Fright Night we filmed a few weeks ago. The guys told Tim all about how the night went for them, and Lloyd told us all about how it felt to win the new title. The lads also shared their stories on how it feels to be in the ring up against other fighters and the emotions and training that goes into the build up of a big fight. It was a great watch and you can check out the replay on our latest sport channel on Youtube. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=049 VGcre0wc&feature=youtu.be We also aired all the action from the big Fright Night boxing evening on Saturday November 8th for the first time, and it sure did

Watch Latest Sport on

pack a punch! We will be replaying it on the channel and also have some highlights on our Youtube channel too so keep watching if you missed it the first time round.

And just a facial hair update for you as well... not mine, thank you very much! In case you missed last week’s issue, the boys on the Latest Sport team are growing their beards and ’taches in the style of famous sportsmen in order to raise money for Growvember. I’ll have photographic evidence of their progress next week. Head over to their Just

on Freeview channel 8,

• LATEST 7 08 www.thelatest.co.uk •

Giving page and please do give generously! After all, they’re making myself and Tatiana have to work with them with ALL that facial fluff. https://www.justgiving.com/ LatestSport/ There’s another busy week of filming to come and I’ll be telling you all about it in the next issue.

Til then sports fans! X

Follow me: @julesysowa

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LATESTWRITES

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BARE CHEEK Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

TEN THINGS TO DO BEFORE WE'RE FIFTY

7 Sport a moustache all year just to shave it off at the start of 'Movember' 8 Come first in a meat raffle 9 Keep a well-stocked drinks cabinet 10 Order something from a catalogue What would you like to do before you're fifty? Maybe eat a packet of Cup-a-soup dry, part your hair on the wrong side, or shake hands with a disgraced vicar?

Please send your list to us at Bare Cheek, Latest 7, New England House, New England St., Brighton, and we might get around to reading it.

Perplexing Moments in Cinema no. 332 In 'Jolson Sings Again', Larry Parks (miming to Al Jolson) pretending to be Jolson recording the soundtrack to 'The Jolson Story' for the actor that we know was Larry Parks to mime along to.

Mike XXX

In&Out

It might seem hard to believe, dear reader, as you regard the youthful boat races staring out from the top of this page, but we are fast approaching our sixth decade.

Hurtling, in fact. And it's all downhill from there.

So we want to do something with our miserable lives before it's too late. And here, for your delectation, is our list of stuff we want to do that we've never done before so don't know how meaningless and disappointing it is yet.

Special ‘What You Used To Get From The Milkman’ Edition

In • Gold Top • Silver Top • Red Top • Sterilised • Eggs

Out

1 2 3 4

Finish a game of Ludo See Highgate Cemetery Wear dungarees without a shirt Get the World Service on shortwave radio and pretend we're living in a foreign dictatorship 5 Do a correspondence course 6 Go on a crawl of all the pubs in Brighton and Hove that we've never been in because they look horrible from the outside

• Orange Juice • Yoghurt • Cottage Cheese • Chirpiness bordering on insolence • Casual adultery

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L7 BRIGHTON LIGHTS Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv… Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv… Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv…

BAD THINGS HAPPEN WHEN NEWS IS GOOD Lynn Ruth Miller is weighing up both sides he good news is that Britain is among the world’s best in the quality and availability of their food. The bad news is that we are eating so abundantly, we cannot buckle our belts or cram ourselves into our tights.

We really love our food, and it is so plentiful that we think nothing of sharing it with our beloved pets. After all, aren’t they supposed to be our best friends? Indeed, Fido and Fluffy have become so fat they can’t squeeze through the doggy door and Polly and Tweety have expanded so much they have no room to fly around their cages.

Thelma the hamster can no longer manage to run on her wheel because when she climbs into it, she gets stuck.

Sadly, obesity has become a filthy word these days, and we have destroyed egos and smashed self images like glass all because media models are toothpick-thin and our doctors are telling us that a skeletal shape is a healthy one.

I think it is time to face facts.

The truth is that it is hard to be both English and thin. Besides, boney people are NOT pretty.

Angular bodies are no fun to hug and they cause real injuries in crowded elevators. I see nothing wrong with a population with a good appetite. How can it be wrong to lust after a generous helping of bubble and squeak or salivate at the very thought of fish and chips?

Why refuse a second helping of plum pudding, or turn our nose up at a pork pasty? They taste a lot better than tofu and sprouts.

It is time to stop excoriating people for their flabby arms and wiggly bums. Why can’t we admire drooping tummies and thick thighs?

Instead of calling the portly gluttons, let’s think of them as ‘English’.

In the olden days, Renoir and Rubens loved women with a bit of extra flesh on them. In King Arthur’s court, great big men were hot items.

Perhaps too much body mass is bad for our health, but who defines too much? I admit that if you cannot get through the front door, you have a problem, but as long as you don’t get stuck in the bathtub, you are fine to me. I love being cuddled by a soft, curvy guy who is bursting his seams. And I wouldn’t mind walking his fat little puppy either. After all, if a guy is chubby, he obviously knows good food … and that, according to the latest statistics, is something to be proud of.

It is British.

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LYNN RUTH MILLER

As long as you don’t get stuck in the bathtub, you are fine

“Why must it always be a contest between fornication, obesity and laziness, and celibacy, fasting and hard labour?”

– Martin Fischer

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DEER OH DEER Richard Shayler: dashing, dancing, prancing and ... Branston pickle? uh? What’s that noise?

No, I’m just imagining it. Noddy? Jim? Don? Dave? Is that really you? It can’t be, it’s not even December yet! Oh man, it is really you! Well, thanks Slade (and a well known supermarket chain), I’m now going to be an excitable mess until the big day finally arrives.

Yes, it’s true: Merry Xmas Everybody was blasting out as I was doing my weekly shop last week. Noddy Holden was screaming “IT’S CHRISTMAAAS” at the top of his lungs whilst a jar of Branston pickle was making its way into my basket.

I started to sing along to the chorus, but then stopped when I realised how bitterly ironic it was …

Sadly, everybody wasn’t having fun. Nobody was looking to the future and there were zero people under the belief that it had just begun. It appeared that I was the only one having fun. There were a few kids having a ball, but they

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were quickly collared by their conservative parents and told to “stop embarrassing them”.

I left the supermarket a little upset. I found this strange, as I had just bought a Christmas tree scented candle, I was wearing a Christmas elf hat and I was eating a mince pie. Normally under this guise I’m the happiest man alive, but not on that day.

My faith in humanity had been thwarted by a majority of people’s inability to invoke their emotions; the fear of what others might think if you put on a Christmas jumper in November; the alienation you might receive if you join Noddy spreading Christmas cheer down aisle 8, by the sausages.

I understand that Christmas can sometimes be ‘annoying’, but I say embrace it! Put on The Muppets Christmas Carol, wish a stranger merry Christmas and buy some mince pies for the office. I know it’s only November, but who cares?

Someone needs to break the festive ice and why can’t that someone be you?

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FREEVIEW

Watch Brighton Lights every night on

Channel 8

Channel 159

thelatest.tv Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv… Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv… Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv…

GOLDEN OLDIES Guy Lloyd is re-living glory days and finding out they’re still glorious

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GUY LLOYD

R Lynn Ruth Miller and I did just that for Brighton Lights this week by visiting the Pavilion Ice Rink.

We had a great time skating ... and an even better time drinking mulled wine! We also joined Paul Zenon on his ‘Save The Hippodrome’ campaign. Visit www.ourhippodrome.org.uk to find out more.

Guy Lloyd spent the week with ‘super boyband’ McBusted. You really don’t want to miss that interview; lots of screaming, and that was just Guy. Our resident musicians for the week are the fantastic Thieves by the Code, and we’ve got plenty of great guests too. Komedia’s comedy booker Stephen Grant, author Dan Tester and BBC comedian Phil Lucas all drop in for a chat. Showing Wednesday to Saturday at 7pm, on Freeview Channel 8, Virgin Media Channel 159 and live online at www.thelatest.tv.

We have a live audience every week too! You get two free drinks and a whole night of free entertainment … I’ve even started providing mince pies. Email me (richard@thelatest.tv) if you’re interested in being a part of the hottest new show on telly!

Follow me: @latestrichard

ast your mind back a few months and you may recall a blog where I told you our band was getting back together, after splitting up twenty two years ago. We had talked about it for a couple of years, when our drummer sadly died, and from that day on we felt we had to do it for him and his charity. It was in sad circumstances and it was a challenge, as not only had we not played together since 1992, we hadn’t been in the same room together since that last gig.

To make it even more challenging, we all live hundreds of miles apart, so we had to find a way to get our music off a cassette (yes, we’re that old) and share it digitally, so we could familiarise ourselves with the old songs. We were basically rehearsing individually over the internet and hoping that the magic (and it was magic) was still there, when we went to our first rehearsal up in Newark, Nottingham, two weeks before the big reunion.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, Steve’s brother took over the drums – which was a lovely gesture – and our first rehearsal, after a weird start, went amazingly well. Two weeks later we did another rehearsal, played the gig the following day to a sold out crowd, and raised nearly £800 for

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I had a ball dressed in a gold catsuit the British Heart Foundation. It was a brilliant night. It was helped by our brilliant friends of course, some of whom had come from as far away as Barcelona and Edinburgh.

The gig itself went really well. It wasn’t slick by any means, but we entertained our old crowd, picked up some new fans and I had a ball up there on the stage for an hour, dressed in a gold catsuit. It was one of the happiest and most memorable days of my life.

The following day we were still high on music and Midlands air but

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we found ourselves asking, ‘is that it?’ We loved it. They loved it. So why don’t we carry on?

So we are.

And I’m delighted. We got together this weekend, wrote two new songs (about falling in love, aimed at the Ed Sheeran market) and decided we miss being in a band and it was too good to give up.

We wrapped up the weekend by saying we’ll do an annual charity gig up in Newark every summer, and we may possibly venture in to Brighton at some point next year.

But do you know what the best thing about being in a band is? It’s telling people you’re in a band. It is the coolest thing I have ever and will ever do. And I’ve met Dr.Karl Kennedy from Neighbours.

Follow me: @guy_lloyd

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CELEB CITY

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with Jo Brooks SPONSORED BY

Diversity’s new tour, Macmillan fundraising success and Carrie Reichardt’s new solo show

NO LIMITS ance superstars Diversity are back in Brighton at the beginning of December.

After wowing audiences last winter with their astounding ‘Limitless’ arena tour, Diversity have this evening announced ‘Limitless – The Reboot’ on Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway.

‘Limitless – The Reboot’ is a fully improved and updated version of their critically acclaimed show.

And judging by the group’s motto “Dream, Believe, Achieve”, Diversity are a remarkable example of what can be accomplished with hard work, dedication and belief.

Since winning Britain’s Got Talent in 2009, Diversity have won numerous awards, been the first act to perform outside No. 10 Downing Street in front of the Prime Minister and have sold out three UK & Ireland tours – “Diversity’s: Bringing A Toy Story To Life” and ‘Digitized – Trapped In The Game’.

Their previous Diversity tours saw have seen them travelling the length of the country performing for their legion of devoted fans, and delivering exceptional entertainment with some stand-out reviews.

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WE SALUTE YOU! You may know that Macmillan are in the process of fundraising for the Cancer Support Centre for Sussex which will provide invaluable services for the

county. The appeal has now raised £3.2 million of their £3.7 million target so we want to take a quick moment to salute the work the Macmillan team are doing and to offer our thanks to their supporters; including Southern Water, Rocket Marketing Group, Mayo Wynne Baxter and Trevor Sorbie Brighton.

For more information or to make a donation visit www.macmillan.org.uk/ donate/macmillan-projects/ sussex-support-centre.html

Have you celeb spotted a ci e in th ty? comment .uk .co @thelatest

Normally incorporating several genres of music from classical to hip-hop, their diverse, eye-catching routines won the hearts of the nation. So far they’ve performed live to more than 1 million people across the world.

Creator Ashley Banjo will soon start his fifth season as a judge on the Sky 1 show ‘Got To Dance’, followed by another series of the Sky 1 hit show ‘Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew’.

Ashley’s Sky 1 show ‘Big Town Dance’ recently concluded with the UK’s largest ever town dance, as 10,000 people of Stockon-onTees came together in a community dance performance. In creating the ‘Big Town Dance’, Ashley presented a heartwarming view of a town that progressed through an amazing journey to come together in an unprecedented event.

Fellow Diversity troupe member Perri Kiely was recently crowned champion of ITV’s ‘Splash!’, and is set to travel to LA with Jordan Banjo as UK presenters of Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards, and will be interviewing all the attending stars on the Red Carpet.

2015 looks set to be another

MEXICAN MADNESS The amazing ‘Renegade Potter’ Carrie Reichardt brings her own particular brand of craftivism to Brighton’s Ink_d gallery this week in her jaw-droppingly arresting solo show, Mad In Mexico.

The work has been inspired by the activism, ideology and warmth of the people Carrie met on her recent South American voyage of discovery; her self-titled “Radical Mexican Mosaic Mission”.

Carrie’s work is also included in the V&A’s amazing Disobedient Objects exhibit (running until 1 February 2015) but you lucky Brightonians can see her work until 24 December right on your doorstep at the North Road gallery. Don’t miss this one.

Show dates: 15 November – 24 December www.ink_d.co.uk

busy year for Diversity and the new arena tour will be everything you already love about Diversity on a much bigger scale, with loads of surprises! Don’t miss out!

Diversity have added an extra matinee performance to their Brighton Centre date and tickets are still available for Sunday December 7 at 1.45pm. Call the box office on 0844 847 1515.

Follow me: latestcelebcity Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

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22 new road Brighton Bn1 1UF

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L7 COVER STORY Amanda Doughty: Multiple cone ring

MADE BRIGHTON Looking for a little artsy, crafty inspiration?

Brighton’s got it MADE at the Dome Corn Exchange

Emma Calvert: Statement necklace

he resurgence of craft shows no sign of abating. Every village, town and city seems to be brimming with homemade ware; fairs, fetes, pop up shops, specialist shows, beautiful high end galleries – it seems we can’t get enough of it.

MADE Brighton: The Design and Craft Fair is the city’s annual contemporary craft and design show, taking place at The Dome Corn Exchange, from 21–23 November. The fair is sponsored

by Coast Magazine, themselves true craft advocates, and offers the public the opportunity to buy original and exceptional pieces of craft and design direct from designer/makers.

Now in its 9th year, MADE Brighton has become firmly established as a friendly, accessible and top quality event. The show welcomes over 5,500 visitors; collectors, galleries, curators, and of course Christmas shoppers, many of whom return year on year knowing that the work is well worth viewing.

MADE Brighton showcases over 100 makers and designers; from unique glassware to luxurious textiles, functional ceramics to dazzling jewellery, beautiful furniture to quirky accessories, there is something for everyone. A full list of exhibitors can be seen here: www.brighton-made.co.uk/gallery.

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Work is priced between £10 and £1,500, providing the perfect opportunity to shop for unique gifts as well as perhaps finding that ‘can’t live without’ item.

For men, there is Chris Hawkins’ edgy jewellery, wooden delights from Forge Creative and Sarah Lock lighting. For babies and children there is an abundance of textile treats; the Black Rabbit has fabulous knitted bods and Christmas decorations, Woodchild offers knitted blankets, hats and

scarves, whilst Sally Ann Dunn is bringing her hand smocked garments, ideal for adorning sweet cherubs. For women ... well for women there is simply everything; jewellery by regulars Alison Haddon and Rachel Eardley or by Amanda Doughty and Sue Gregor, both new to the show this year, amazing glassworks by Annie McCabe and Jonathan Rogers, fabulous hats by Angelika Klose and Lizzie Lock, and for textiles everyone is spoilt for choice.

MADE Brighton showcases knitwear, silks, linens, felt and much, much more.

The organisers are delighted that local basket maker and willow artist, Annemarie O’Sullivan, will be showing and demonstrating her stunning work in the foyer of the fair. Annemarie loves to transfer the traditional skills of basket making into larger woven forms,

Phoebe Jewellery: Squirrel, Acorn and Leaf necklace

Nina Führer: Fox

and it will be a delight to see what she brings to show at this year’s MADE Brighton.

And as if that wasn’t enough, a café provides a place for visitors to relax, recoup and take refreshment.

MADE Brighton: The Design and Craft Fair runs from 21–23 November 2014. Fri 21 Nov 11am – 7:30pm; Sat 22 Nov 10am – 6pm; Sun 23 Nov 10am – 5pm. The Dome Corn Exchange, Church Street, Brighton, BN1 1UD, tickets £6.50, under 14s free. www.brighton-made.co.uk Coast Magazine celebrates the UK seaside in all its glory and is an avid supporter of craft and design: www.coastmagazine.co.uk Annemarie O’Sullivan: annemarieosullivan.co.uk

Forge Creative: Forage dining table

Lomax and Skinner

Candice Coetser: Ceramics

Louise Cottey: Shawl

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A HAND-CRAFTED CHRISTMAS Approach gift buying a little differently this year, with so much on offer from the Christmas Artists Open Houses festival

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he Christmas Artists Open Houses festival is delighted to be celebrating its 12th birthday this year, and is offering visitors an even bigger and more exciting range of arts and crafts to explore.

Spread throughout Brighton and Hove, Saltdean, Rottingdean and out to the South Downs village of Ditchling, the Artists Open Houses Christmas festival offers a wealth of wonderful things for you to view, experience and buy this Christmas.

Visiting the Christmas Artists Open Houses is a great way to discover the diversity of creative talent that exists in the city and offers work from some of the country’s top makers in the fields of ceramics, jewellery, print-making and homewares, as well as handcrafted Christmas cards, wreaths, tree decorations and Brian Grimwood foodie gifts.

This year the Artist Open Houses is excited to welcome students from the University of Brighton as festival exhibitors.

At the University’s Grand Parade site you can buy Christmas

gifts from artists and makers of the future, see fashion design students’ work in progress and take in an amazing film set installation, Kate Osborne: Two Robins ‘Berg’, as part of Brighton’s Cinecity.

Why not take a break from Christmas shopping at Studio 106 to watch a short film by award winning AOH artist and photographer Andre Lichtenberg; meet a signing Santa at Hamilton Lodge Deaf School and College; hear carol singers at Brighton Health and Wellbeing Centre; take part in craft workshops at The Bridge in Falmer and view a unique performance at Rottingdean’s The Grange featuring puppets, a Smugglers Night and Exploding Toy Theatre!

Christmas Artists Open Houses creates a special atmosphere, where you can chat to the artists and have a sneaky peek around some of Brighton’s most interesting homes, whilst viewing an amazing selection of individual, unique arts and crafts. What better way to do your Christmas shopping than by sipping mulled wine and eating mince pies

before blazing hearths whilst selecting gifts for family, friends and the odd treat for yourself!

An afternoon spent browsing Brighton and Hove’s Christmas Artists Open Houses is the perfect way to take the pain out of Christmas shopping and a chance to pick up a present, or something unique for your home.

Visit www.aoh.org.uk where you can find out more about the Artists Open Houses. You will also find links to many of the artists’ and makers’ own websites.

Alison Coaten: Monkey and Child

STREET-WISE, SOUTH COAST STYLE when they live with their mum in Hove and work in ASDA is just ridiculous”.

FILM Jessica KellgrenHayes

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he word ‘Brighton’ conjures many different things in the mind but I am sure very, very few people immediately think ‘hip-hop’! This week’s Sunday night feature film on LatestTV is here to open your eyes: South Coast charts the formation of home-grown Britcore crews and their success in Europe.

In recent years, UK hip-hop has established a distinct, English accent and broken away from the US originators.

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Director Will Jewell was a fan of hip-hop as a teenager, when it first appeared on these shores in the ‘80s. Despite enjoying break dancing and the music itself, he was unable to connect with the lyrics and their tales of big spending ghetto superstars. A few years ago a friend from school asked Jewell to film his hip-hop showcase night and – despite originally thinking ‘Brighton hip-

hop; this is a wind up!’ – he fell in love with the scene once more.

The turning point came whilst filming an open mic night in which one of the rappers began to spout homophobic lyrics (a staple of US style hip-hop): “a couple of the rappers just took the mic off him and went ‘nope’. I was filming this thinking; I can’t believe I just captured this! Because this is the complete opposite of what people expect to see in hip-hop.” From there, Jewell and his crew filmed every weekend over four years, creating his first feature.

South Coast’s featured rappers are an eccentric, engaging bunch and their interviews are both quintessentially British and cheekily ‘street’ – a million miles from MTV! These rappers realise that to talk about “guns and bling

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The film recently won Best Documentary in the International Film Maker’s Festival and has screened in film festivals from New York, Helinski and Australia to Israel, Holland and now …

Brighton! Make sure to catch this week’s FilmFest on 8.

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ANDREW KAY SPONSORED BY

Bardsley’s Fish & Chips

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ust gatherers he cried, and to be honest he has a point. This is my friend Mr M, bemoaning my habit of collecting stuff. He lives in one of those uber chic minimal seafront apartments with cool low sofas and a fish tank. I live in a cosy basement flat that I have christened ‘The Hades Suite’, surrounded by the beautiful objects that I have gathered along life’s way, and of course the aforementioned dust. As Quentin Crisp, a man I had the good fortune to know, once said; “After the third year, the dust doesn't get any worse.” I’m not sure that is really true, but it’s a pretty good excuse.

My flat is not that dusty really, but it is full of lovely things. I

TREASURE

Forget minimal, give me a hoarder any day and show me the treasure simply do not have the room to display them all which is both sad and in a way rather nice.

I recently spent a very happy day sorting out the contents of a few boxes, contents various.

Amongs the boxes I also decided to clear out a beautiful chest that my father made for me. I had asked for a tool box, but dad being dad he built me the most spendid chest in ancient pine and oak that he saved from the skip when the Chapter House at Lincoln Cathedral was being restored. It was far too beautiful to store tools in and has for over 25 years taken pride of place in my sitting room.

Of course it always has stuff on top of it, so I decided it was time to have a bit of a clear out and find out what was in there. I have tended to put things in it that have no other logical home so the contents are, to say the least, diverse.

I unlocked it and started to lift out the treasures. There was the kukri knife that Dad brought me from India when I was seven, my colection of blues harps (yes I play the harmonica), a box of pens and a tube of beautiful pencils. Two

 COMPETITIONS

At the very bottom of the chest I found four pages from the Daily Express in 1966 boxes of top quality watercolour paints and a pad of wonderful watercolour paper, with some of my paintings unseen for lord know how long. I found a dead electronic address book, now binned, a lot of cables kept ‘just in case’, and five wallets.

I have a bit of an obsession with nice luggage, and wallets fall into that category in my book. Five does seem excessive though, even by my standards.

WIN STAND UP COMEDY DVDS Universal Pictures (UK) are releasing two brand new live DVDs this autumn – Lee Evans’ 'Monsters' (out Mon 17th Nov) and Jon Richardson’s ‘Nidiot Live' (out Mon 1st Dec).

Record breaking comedian Lee Evans is back with the biggest stand up tour to hit arenas this year. Recorded live in Birmingham, Lee is at his majestic best in front of a packed house during his five sold-out nights at the National Indoor Arena. With his amazing energy and killer routines, Lee has the audience in stitches from start to finish.

‘Nidiot Live’ sees a more contemplative side of perennial

I found a book on saints, bought for an old friend, the illustrator and writer Robert Mason, about twenty years ago and then lost before handing it over. Strangely, Robert got in touch later that day and I have now posted the book to him.

There were mountains of photographs too. I was delighted to see snaps of my beautiful Cornish Rex kittens Russell and Marcel in front of the lovely marble fireplace in my first Brighton home, a fireplace that is now in my current home – it’s a long story, maybe for another day.

At the very bottom of the chest I found a folded piece of newsprint; four pages from the Daily Express in 1966. I was ten in 1966 so I have kept this for 48 years, and I have to say that it is in pretty immaculate condition.

What is it? I hear you say. Well it’s the page that announced their release of four Richard Avedon posters of the Beatles. Brilliant psychadelic images in vibrant colours. I loved them, but being only ten years old I simply could not afford to order the real posters. Oh how I wish, as they now change hands for rather large sums. I do, though, have this – perhaps a more poignant reminder of my childhood and what was special to me back then, and is still special to me today.

Treasure for sure.

Follow me: latestandrew

singleton and OCD sufferer Jon Richardson. As he approaches 30, Jon is determined to become a more easygoing person for the sake of his friends and his future health, as he starts to think about life ahead. Filmed at a sold out Hammersmith Apollo, it’s the second DVD release from one of the UK's brightest and most popular stand up comedy and TV stars.

We’ve got five copies of each DVD to give away to anyone who can answer this question: Lee Evans played a movie role alongside Cameron Diaz in which 1998 romantic comedy?

Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN, EMAIL competitions@thelatest.co.uk With the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 1 December 2014.

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SNAP SHOTS Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city

This week: Peter James, ‘A Twist of The Knife’ est selling and internationally acclaimed crime writer Peter James’ new book is now out, and being greeted as yet another masterwork from the Brighton author. ‘A Twist of the Knife’ is not a novel but a collection of short stories, where we come to meet James’ great creation and Brighton’s finest detective, Roy Grace, and read the tale that inspired James' hugely successful novel, ‘Dead Simple’.

The book comprises thirty stories of varying length exploring James’ view that there is something seriously twisted about humanity in general. Each tale carries a twist that will haunt readers for days. As we have come to expect from this master storyteller, every story is a page-turner that will delight his army of fans, as well as first time readers of his work.

For more info: www.peterjames.com

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My new book, ‘A Twist Of The Knife’, is my first print publication of a volume of short stories. These stories include Roy Grace’s first ever case, as a young uniformed police constable, as well as the story that inspired my first Roy Grace novel, ‘Dead Simple’. There are dark stories with sharp twists, such as one about a restaurant critic who ends up on the menu, as well as some true ghost stories from my experiences of the paranormal.

under review

A MOVING PORTRAYAL OUR COUNTRY’S GOOD Theatre Royal Brighton, 11 November 2014 ★★★★★ Timberlake Wertenbaker’s play tells the story of a group of deported convicts who are involved in a performance of Farquhar’s The Recruiting Officer. The rehearsal process of the play within the play exposes the extremities and injustices of the ‘justice’ system of the time; it cleverly exposes the role of actors in performance, and at the same time, of audiences. Out of Joint’s marvelous ensemble production is packed with tender and terrifying moments; moments of levity are destroyed by moments of cruelty and violence. Max Stafford-Clark directs, as ever, with a steady hand and a clear vision – first class.

– Andrew Kay

Weather the changing of the seasons with Wave, your essential beauty, health & wellbeing guide, free inside Latest 7 Our next edition is out on 25 November To promote your business in this section call Rachel on 01273 818150 x105 now!

BOOKINGS ALAN DAVIES: LITTLE VICTORIES

and whip-smart funny bones combine to make this unmissable.

De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill on Sea, 5 March 2015, £25, 01424 229111, www.dlwp.com Much lauded as resident dunderhead on QI or the charming but reticent crime solver Jonathan Creek, Davies virtuosic story-telling

SIMPLY RED Brighton Centre, 28 & 29 November 2015, £50, 0844 847 1515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk Simply Red mark their 30th anniversary with a world tour, the UK leg features 14 dates.

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NEW ZEALAND SPARKLES UNLOCKING POTENTIAL News and chat from the frontline of science and technology at PACA

By Annabel Jackson lan McCorkindale, winemaker and proprietor at his eponymous winery in the Waipara Valley on New Zealand’s South Island, says that interest in the country’s sparkling wine is long overdue. He should know: His Blanc de Blancs 2009 is just about to be released; a wine which wine critic Michel Bettane, of the Academie Internationale du Vin, has declared “the best Southern Hemisphere sparkling wine that I have ever tried.”

Apparently British wine critic Oz Clarke, when asked by McCorkindale to “try this”, said: “Is it champagne?”

McCorkindale is not the only one doing classy sparkling. Central Otago pioneer Rudi Bauer, of Quartz Reef, was voted New Zealand Royal Agricultural Society Winemaker of the Year in 2010. His Brut NV, and Rose NV, have a quite low dosage – meaning they could finish rather dry and austere – but his wines show the perfect balance. This represents very precise winemaking.

Another noteable mention goes to sparkling wine heavyweight, Dr Tony Jordan, who established Green Point in Australia’s Yarra Valley – Moet & Chandon’s outpost Down Under. He also consults at Akarua, also found in Central Otago. The Akarua 2010 has the delicacy of a Dom Perignon: that ‘almost there’ purity of character. It is highly sophisticated. McCorkindale comments that the wines of Central Otago, where he also has a vineyard, tend to be more elegant than those of the Waipara Valley, with a higher proportion of Pinot Noir.

In addition to the challenges of marketing sparkling wine, McCorkindale says there is an additional issue preventing more winemakers from going down this path. “It is technically more difficult to produce,” he laughs.

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ON THE GRAPEVINE

This represents very precise winemaking

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LATESTWRITES

DR CAROLINE OPRANDI

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Greenpower electric car

e’ve been busy down at Portslade Aldridge Community Academy (PACA). Greenpower have just dropped off the promised kit for the ‘electric car’, and Mike from the company itself points out: “These things only really take off if there is someone on hand with the knowledge to Quinty getting a tad excited build it.” So, as I pointed out to my colleague Quinty, “it’s a good job I’m here!”

But just to reassure you that the future generation of STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Maths) folk are in safe hands, I’ll give you a quick biography of some of the others here ... besides me.

Quinty spent a lot of time in his past building and sailing boats and can, as it happens, build almost anything. He knows an awful lot about engines and speed too. He’s also got a BSc in Biological Sciences. Dean, on University of Sussex Physics the other hand, is our and Astronomy Department observatory guru. He is a qualified science teacher but prefers to be working on the practical side of things.

Thanks to the advice and support of Dr Darren Baskill, from the University of Sussex Physics and Astronomy department, we have now bought our own telescope for the observatory we are building. Talking of observatories, at our open evening one dad said that his grandfather had worked on Hubble, and he himself had built an observatory. Please He knows an awful drop us a line, dad, because I forgot to write down your lot about engines name. We were rather blown away by that information!

Finally, may I reassure our sixth formers that as a result of their dedicated treatment of ‘Sim Man’ or ‘Will-I-Am’ I think he said his name was, borrowed from the University of Brighton and pictured below, he is now fully recovered and back in his box. (Visit twitter.com/GregScutt.T for more on this.) There’ll be updates on the antics and activity at PACA next week.

Will-I-Am

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HOTLIST Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk BRITISH & MODERN EUROPEAN BARDSLEY’S Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele.

Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

Fully licensed.

Bardsley’s, 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256, www.bardsleys-fishandchips.co.uk

INDIAN CHAULA’S LEWES Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor

and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian and vegan as well as gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday.

Chaula’s, Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk CHAULA’S BRIGHTON A second venue for this brilliant Indian restaurant is now open here in Brighton. Superb regional dishes, fresh tasting and exciting.

Chaula and her team breathe fresh air into the idea of Indian food with authentic recipes served in bright and stylish surroundings.

The cooking is executed with a light touch too, no heavy gheebased sauces here but an

The Chilli Pickle Canteen

altogether healthier approach – but not at the cost of flavour.

Both delicious and affordable.

Buffet available for £6.99; Meal Deal for £9.99.

Chaula’s, 2–3 Little East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HT, 01273 771661, www.chaulas.co.uk

out new ground in home dining.

Meanwhile, the menu showcases some of the restaurant’s familiar touches, with regional curries and homemade pickles and chutneys, plus superb ice creams.

The Chilli Pickle Canteen: order online at thechillipicklecanteen.com, 01273 900384

THE CHILLI PICKLE The Chilli Pickle is a local favourite with national standing which combines traditional Indian methods with local produce and an individual style. Their ample thalis spice up a midday meeting or a catch-up with friends, while the evening menu offers inventive street food, local seafood and tasty regional curries, served in an upbeat and informal atmosphere.

The Chilli Pickle featured in the National Restaurant Awards’ UK top 100 in 2011-12, and scooped ‘Best Casual Dining’ at the 2012 British Curry Awards.

The Chilli Pickle, 17 Jubilee Square, Brighton, 01273 900383, www.thechillipickle.com

THE CHILLI PICKLE CANTEEN The definitive delivery service from The Chilli Pickle launched this year. Bold, Indian-inspired design, specially commissioned artwork and smart delivery stake

ITALIAN DONATELLO Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant value meal deals on blackboards – two courses £7.95 or three for £9.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos.

Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Donatello, Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ 01273 775477 www.donatello.co.uk

THAI STREET THAI Dishes served here are simple, healthy and delicious using the finest and freshest ingredients.

Thai people love their street food and Street Thai is the most authentic way of eating and experiencing Thai food. Set menu is available every day except Saturday with two courses at £9.75 and three courses at £11.75.

Street Thai, 5 & 20 Brighton Square, Brighton, BN1 1HD, 01273 207444

UP TO 50% OFF YOUR FOOD BILL TABLE POUNCER Table Pouncer has teamed up with Latest 7 to offer diners up to 50% off their food bill. Register for free and take advantage of great savings. Participating restaurants change all the time, so check back and see whether your favourite is there. From Italian and Chinese to seafood and more, eating out has just got a lot more affordable. http://thelatest.co.uk/tablepouncer

Chaula’s

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021_LS705_cook It_011_LS466_interview 13/11/2014 11:58 Page 3

with Andrew Kay

CHANNEL ISLAND GOLD Back to Guernsey, this time not for hospital food was so upset by my recent horror trip to Guernsey that when I was offered a return visit I leapt at the chance. I had so wanted to enjoy and revisit the place that was such an important part of my youth, and in the end I spent it in a hospital intensive care unit – not fun in any sense.

My return with friends Ms G de V and Mr M was a far more exciting affair and I am glad to say that I was at last able to sample some of the fine fare on offer there.

On my first visit I managed only one meal, at Le Petit Bistro, a fine place serving deliciously tarditional French bistro dishes that warmed my heart and my soul. I could eat that kind of food any day of the week but would, it has to be said, probably end up back in hospital, this time through over indulgence. It is very good indeed.

On our return we wanted to sample some of the other food on offer and especially the menus that are part of their annual Tennerfest.

The Tennerfest started in the days when £10 would buy you a good three course meal; it is now the starting point for a month of food offers from participating restaurants across the Channel Islands.

On our first evening we visited The Hook, a smart and fairly new restaurant that overlooks the harbour in down town St Peter Port. This stylish spot has a good cocktail menu, which we tried out before going upstairs to the dining room. The menu features grills and sushi, a good combination, and we didn’t take long in deciding which dishes from the three course evening Tennerfest menu to try. We also ordered a half dozen local oysters which were truly superb, sweet, fresh and plump. My sushi starter was delicious and generous too, great seared tuna topped with crispy shreds of potato and my braised ox cheek was stunningly tender and packed with deep flavours. Mr M had a platter of sushi as his main and was very impressed, again by the freshness and sweetness of the fish. Ms G

I

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de V is vegetarian and declared her dish good but not amazing. I could not resist having a dessert of local delicacy Gache, a fruit bread that was toasted and served with a fruit sorbet and cream – yummy!

The next evening, having met many local foodies for meetings, we booked, on their advice, into La Nautique. La Nautique is French with a German chef, and again it overlooks the harbour which on our second night was overflowing onto the road, as there was a seasonal high tide. It added to the drama and made us very aware of our island location.

La Nautique is smart and this time we shunned the Tennerfest and went a la carte.

Mr M started with more of those amazing local oysters, this time from the small island of Herm.

Again they were huge beasts, plump and sparklingly fresh. Ms G de V had a dish of aubergine that she loved and gave full marks to.

I saw squid, and ordered. I love it, and after this dish I fear that all other squid dishes will disappoint. It was huge too, a lesson to those chefs and restaurateurs who serve the tiniest portions in the name of style. Here I had two roasted squid tubes stuffed to overflowing with buttery white crab meat and topped with a

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fresh salad of quality roquette. It was bliss, no other word will suffice. The squid as tender as chicken breast, the crab sweet and punchy, I could not have been happier.

Mr M moved on to lobster, well why not, and he made light of the large and perfectly prepared and presented crustacean. I looked on with a certain amount of envy – until my massive platter of local fish arrived, so many kinds and again generous to a fault. There is little fault in generosity to be honest, so that phrase is somewhat redundant. I ate the lot but at the cost of the side orders of vegetables that we did not do justice to, and as for puddings, not a hope in hell, far too full for that – but I will be back!

Le Petit Bistro, 56 Lower Pollet, St Peter Port, Guernsey, GY1 1WF, +44 1481 725055 www.petitbistro.co.uk The Hook, North Plantation, St Peter Port, Guernsey, GY1 2LQ, Guernsey, +44 1481 701373 www.thehook.gg Le Nautique Restaurant, Quay Steps, St Peter Port, Guernsey, GY1 2LE, +44 1481 721714 www.lenautiquerestaurant.co.uk

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stage / film / comedy / art / music

L7 ENTERTAINMENT NEWS Watch Latest entertainment on

on Freeview channel 8,



actors goes to a mains switch and the lights go on, revealing the detail of the setting. We see the rest of the actors enter the stage and start getting ready for the performance. They set up cameras, microphones, projectors, props. They begin selecting costumes. As this is occurring, one of the actors performs the first live voice over taken from the novel’s opening passage: “In the late summer of that year, we lived in a house in the village that looked across the plain to the mountains. In the bed of the river there were pebbles and boulders, dry and white in the sun, and the water was clear and swiftly moving and blue in the channels.

Troops went down by the house and down the road and the dust they raised powdered the leaves of the trees …”

Projections of maps will create the illusion of an animated 3D space. Troops moving, the floor momentarily transformed into a mountain stream; later the walls of the set become a starry Italian night sky; the walls, floor and

STAGE Andrew Kay

A FAREWELL TO ARMS Epic Hemingway brought to life at The Old Market ith the 100th anniversary of WWI so prominent in our minds right now, Ernest Hemingway’s epic novel, set in the war torn Italy of 1913, could not be more appropriate. But how do you translate a work of fiction on such a grandiose scale to the stage?

Imitating The Dog have staged all the main elements of the novel’s storyline, and with a company of six performers, have followed its narrative structure. Two play the characters of Frederic and Catherine and the remaining four play multiple roles throughout the story.

Placed in the rehabilitation room of an abandoned and bombed out military hospital, the set is realistic, although the audience is able to see beyond the edges of the set to the off-stage areas and glimpse the supporting structure. In many ways it should read like a film set: real from the inside, but clearly constructed from the outside and edges.

The performance begins with the arrival of the actors. We see moonlight coming through the room’s windows. One of the

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channel 159 or at thelatest.tv ceiling shake as you hear and feel the effect of heavy artillery – the use of projection and surround sound technologies giving the space a living and transformative presence.

What looks like a derelict space is brought to life in a visually stunning way and prompts important connections to the themes of the novel: how we remember and account for the traumatic experiences of love, war and loss.

Building on the success of previous projects such as Kellerman (2009), The Zero Hour (2012) and Sea Breeze (2013), this takes the Imitating The Dog aesthetic in a new and unique direction – A Farewell to Arms adopts a more open stage scenography, where the actor’s body and live voice enable a direct connection to the force and relevance of Hemingway’s prose.

The Old Market, 27-29 November, 7.30pm, Matinee Sat 2.30pm, 11a Upper Market Street, Hove, BN3 1AS, 01273 201801 theoldmarket.com

HIT COMEDY COMES HOMES THIS CHRISTMAS!

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entertainment news / film/ art

FILM

BRIGHTON’S ARTY

Jessica KellgrenHayes

Alison Krog

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THIS CHRISTMAS ...

SHOW US A SIGN

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moved to Brighton five years ago to begin a course in Film and Screen at the University of Brighton. As with most people around the country, I was vaguely aware of Brighton's reputation as a creative and artsy place. I was looking forward to the various festivals (especially the food festivals!) and trips to the oldest cinema in the country. What I hadn't expected, and was delighted to find, was the wonderful CINECITY film festival – now in its 12th year - taking place from 20th November to 7th December (yes that does mean there is still time to buy tickets!).

The festival has the best in world cinema but also a focus on the native filmmaking talent that packs Brighton. There are some amazing Hollywood previews shown as part of the festival but also some very daring films that wouldn't ordinarily get a chance for theatrical release. This year we have Wild, staring Reese Witherspoon, as a woman undertaking a cathartic 1,100 mile solo hike in order to regain her self-belief, alongside The Tribe, which has no spoken words or subtitles and is entirely in Ukrainian Sign Language. The film is set in a boarding school for deaf children where new arrival Sergey is drawn into an institutional system of organised crime, involving robbery and prostitution. He then stumbles across the line he had been happily ignoring when he falls for Yana, one of the girls to whom he has been assigned to pimp.

The Tribe might sound incredibly daunting if you have never really spent much time around sign language users before (and, believe me, as someone who had lectures signed during university, I completely understand) but the riveting trailer and reviews so far suggest that this is a film to take a chance on.

Speaking of silent films... I discovered The Artist at the festival a few years ago and was utterly delighted not just by the film itself (although, who can help but be charmed?) but that the festival had taken the risk, had taken a chance on a film utterly without vocals, a black and white film that has a style of humour some might definitely call ‘cheesy’. A few months later the film won Best Motion Picture, Best Actor and Best Director at the Oscars so suddenly was playing everywhere! Perhaps CINECITY foresees things others don’t? Perhaps The Tribe is going to go far? I would grab a ticket now and see it whilst you still can.

Another film not to miss is South Coast, playing in this week’s FilmFest on 8, which can be seen on LatestTV, Sunday from 9pm. With the image of Hip-Hop largely being based on bling and throwing cash around, the documentary provides a mesmerising look at how the rejection of materialism has affected the growth of Hip-Hop along the south coast of England.

Turn to page 14 for my interview with director Will Jewell.

some very daring films that wouldn’t ordinarily get a chance for theatrical release

Follow me: @latestjessica

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s Christmas approaches, the opportunities to ensure your gifts elicit cries of joy and surprise increase. And there’s no better place to find beautiful, truly unique – and affordable – artworks and artefacts than MADE Brighton. Now, growing up in Buckinghamshire, my early experiences of craft fairs involved drafty church halls filled with largely unidentifiable objets d’2ply and mountains of fudge courtesy of the WI. Fond memories. To which I’m happy to say a visit to the city’s annual Design and Craft Fair bears no resemblance at all.

MADE is a stunning opportunity to buy original and exceptional pieces of craft and design. More than 120 makers and designers will be there for you to chat to and find out more about their work.

If you’re a jewellery fanatic, I’d urge you to seek out Chris Hawkins – an Arty favourite (well, he did design my gorgeous engagement ring!). Renowned for his distinctive collections for men, Chris brings a unique take on jewellery design inspired by the natural world. Bones, snakes and foxes have all been brilliantly reimagined by this exceptional craftsman in his world of precious jewellery and tiny sculptures.

Another MADE exhibitor inspired by an overwhelming love for nature, but in complete contrast, is Suzanne Breakwell. Suzanne adores paper as a medium, and enjoys the simplicity of creating a story from a single sheet. We had the pleasure of showing her incredible paper sculptures and paper cuttings at our Open House in May. The detail has to be seen to be believed. MADE is at the Corn Exchange, 21-23 November.

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Don’t miss out: We’re busy compiling our next book – Brighton’s Artists 2015.

There’s still time to be involved (but not long!). Find out more on our website. www.artymagazines.com

Follow us: @brightonsarty

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entertainment news / comedy /art / events

COMEDY Victoria Nangle

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ON YOUR OWN After cutting comic teeth on a group bill, solo shows can change the shape of a comedian with a single tour

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e are very fortunate here to have, not only a home for professional comedians and aspiring comedians, but also a large number of venues that mean solo tours from the funnsters are no rarity.

It’s a very different skill, writing your very first hour-long show, penned simply for your own audience to enjoy, rather than making any concessions to – say – the raucous birthday party in the corner, only having 20 minutes to make a full body impact of your unique sense of humour, or any lingering taste the last act may have left in the air.

Jim Jefferies has said that he can no longer play on mixed bills, though, as he’s so used to performing to an audience that already ‘gets’ him. That’s not to say that all comics with their own distinct styles grapple this way, as I have seen Milton Jones draw every member of what was a maelstrom of a weekend audience into his own magically surreal world with the power of only his comic persona. It’s just different.

This is why it’s very much worth seeing full shows from comics you’ve previously only seen a snippet of material from. If it’s resonated, made you laugh, or made you think, then it really is a treat for the senses to see the comic in question holding court on topics they’ve selected as interesting,

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rather than simply ‘sturdy in the face of possible non-plussed faces’.

Of course, a lot of these shows came to town during the Brighton Comedy Festival and Brighton Comedy Fringe, but they haven’t stopped with the month of October. Komedia, this month, has solo shows from as diverse acts as Paul Foot and Eve Ferret. Over in Shoreham the Ropetackle Centre plays host to Andy Zaltzman, and The Old Market welcomes Sean Hughes in Hove.

Plus Bar Broadway is putting on shows from Luke Benson and Fin Taylor.

Just as, when you order a taster board at a restaurant, it’s good to have a bit of everything – sometimes what you really want is just one strong flavour. There’s every reason to enjoy a mixed bill, but combine it with a few solo shows in your live comedy repertoire and appreciate the time and effort these comedians put in to writing something that fully showcases their talents. After all, they’ve spent all that time writing it, and no one invited the stag do this time around. www.komedia.co.uk www.ropetacklecentre.co.uk www.theoldmarket.com www.otherplaceproductions.co.uk

Follow me: @latestvicky

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GAME ON EVENT: MISS BEHAVE’S GAMESHOW In a reaction to the slick and earnest high production populating the world of entertainment today, Miss Behave presents a deliberately lo-fi, silly and audiencecentric bag of fun. Ably assisted by her glamorous assistant Harriet (YouTube star and dance sensation Harry Clayton-Wright), Miss Behave creates a world of anarchy, chaos and fun for all audiences.

Marlborough Theatre, Fri 21 Nov, 8.30pm, £7/5 EVENT: MADE 2014 The ideal place to start your Christmas shopping, MADE showcases over 120 innovative and original makers and designers, from beautiful and unique jewellery to textiles, glass, ceramics, furniture and much more.

Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, Fri 21– Sun 23 Nov, £6.50/5/under 14s free ART: MAGNUM PHOTOS: ONE ARCHIVE, THREE VIEWS The iconic photography agency Magnum has opened its print archive to three contemporary practitioners; visual anthropologist Elizabeth Edwards, artist Uriel Orlow and photographer Hannah Starkey. They were invited to reinterpret how social, cultural and political inclinations have shaped the content of the archive.

De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill on sea, 01424 229111. Until 4 Jan 2015.

ART: THE CAPTIVE Opening the gallery’s six month programme of exhibitions entitled Example Of Exhibition will be Jeffrey Charles Henry Peacock’s The Captive. Example Of Exhibition is a programme of six exhibitions, presenting in each instance a single artwork by an individual artist or collective, including works by Abigail Estcourt, Mathew Sawyer and Jonathan Swain.

Neue Froth Kunsthalle, 22 Oriental Place (Entrance at rear on Montpelier Road).

Until 13 Dec (by a appointment only except public opening on 29 Nov, 12-6pm

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music / clubs

RICH ROBINSON The Black Crowes guitarist talks to Jeff Hemmings about flying solo

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ormed in 1989 and with 35 million album sales under their belt, southern hard rockers The Black Crowes have taken something of a hiatus it seems, with no action since the summer of 2013.

So, what’s happening with The Crowes? “No plans, uh-uhh,” offers Rich Robinson, Crowes founder and guitarist. He’s either, a) sick of being asked, b) doesn’t know, or c) isn’t telling.

Maybe all three combined.

Whatever the case, it doesn’t matter for he seems quite happy to be doing his own thing, maybe having more fun than of late ...

The Ceaseless Sight is his most recent solo album and it’s a beauty; southern rock meets psychedelia via the byway of acoustic-style Led Zep, Little Feat and The Rolling Stones. Not so much rocking as you’d get with the Black Crowes, but there is

melody and soul aplenty, and of course some magnificent musicianship that steers a course the right side of muso. “It’s really my drummer and myself,” says Robinson, “who lay down guitars, bass, percussion. We had a friend, Marco Benevento, who put down keyboards. He’s phenomenal.

“With this record I wanted to use the energy of the studio to see what happened. I didn’t want to go in overly prepared. I wrote about four songs on the spot, had parts here and there. It worked out really well, I really liked what came of it.

Writing songs is almost like play time,” laughs Robinson, “you get to be as creative as you want, and do whatever you want.”

And it’s full of positivity.

“The Ceaseless Sight is about moving forward, not living in this past, not speeding down the road looking in your rear-view mirror.

I’m normally not a positive person, but for whatever reason – going though what I go through – and shifting, as we all hope to do, I became a more positive person.

Ceaseless Sight on the horizon. It’s definitely evolutionary. It’s not ‘f*** off’, it’s just it’s time to move on, man.”

Having never played Brighton before he’s looking forward to it: “Our old tour manager is from Brighton (as is their current guitar tech). From everything I’ve heard, it’s a really cool town.”

Concorde 2, Fri 21 Nov, 7pm, £20

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Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP 20 Another week and another great music chart for you! Listen online to get your favourite to the top and to submit your own tracks.

1 Dirty Weekend In Brighton Ben Sherman (style man from Brighton) 2 Vortex Generator Water Bleeding 3 Dirty Weekend In Brighton Dirty Weekend In Brighton 4 Tractor Countdown Control 5 tenek No Time For Fighting 6 Maritime Hotel Keep Believing 7 The Standard Lamps I’m A Little Bit Scared Of You 8 Rubber Johnny Look @ the size of your waist 9 Mellor Drumatix Cafe Del Mellor 10 Sia-Apantha-Cali The Final Secret

Follow me: @latestjeff

11 Senior Service Senior Service

CLUB HIGHLIGHTS

12 The Last Cry Rebekka 13 Chaos Borne Watching

Don’t miss our pick of Brighton after dark GYPSY DISCO – A NEW ATLANTIS With themed dressing up compulsory, and DJs playing stomping Balkan beats, heart wrenching Celtic melodies to live Jungle/DnB/Dupstep beatbox in one room, and accordion-toting five piece ‘Barbarella’s Bang Bang’ – a cacophony of carnivalistic delights – in another, this promises to be a night to remember.

Concorde 2, Fri 21 Nov, 11pm, £12

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

14 Chaos Borne The Moment

AZURI Get ready to Dress up to Dress Off at Shooshh’s busiest night of the week and Brighton’s newest hotspot! With the freshest beats and remixes from Brighton’s most in-demand DJs Charles Green [Trash Mondays] and DJ Dubl [BBC 1Xtra] [Twice as Nice].

Shooshh..., Thurs 20 Nov, 10pm, £3/free before 10.30pm

IN THE LOOP PRESENTS: LTJ BUKEM, AQUASKY, DJ B’KA A special drum & bass session at the Komedia main space this November featuring LTJ Bukem, an artist and musician whose name is synonymous with the rise of hardcore, jungle, and drum & bass music.

Komedia, Fri 21 Nov, 11pm, £10

15 The Black Fields The Fighter 16 Zoe Conquistador 17 Stuart Newman Head Hurts 18 The Wolfgirl Liberation Darkstar 19 Rayguns Look Real Enough Betty’s Box 20 Caymar Santiago SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC & VIDEOS www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

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024_LS705_andrew_boredgamers_011_LS466_interview 14/11/2014 12:29 Page 2

DEADLY MISTAKES

MADE IN CHELSEA: EPISODE 5

Greg Marshall on why The Walking Dead is starting to grate

Andrew Bullock on the many highs and lows of Chelsea’s social elite

ast week, in a brand new segment of our show Bored Gamers, we introduced Apples Vs Oranges as we compared card and video games of the same intellectual property.

The property in question this particular week was The Walking Dead. Now, with fear of being ostracised by the comic book readers out there, I admit, sheepishly, that I have not read the original source material. I am an ardent fan of the TV series, however, and it is on that I shall be concentrating this week.

I could wax lyrical till the cows came home about the series’ many positive points, but this would fill up far more than my allotted allowance of words, and wouldn’t necessarily make for great reading. Instead I feel obliged at my current place in series four to point out a persistent niggle

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that seems to have burrowed far more under my skin than I would have considered possible. Still first things first: SLIGHT SEASON 4 SPOILER ALERT! With the important notices attended to I will ramp up to my current peeve, but first an appetiser. The word zombie seems to not exist in this otherwise identical alternate universe. After the umpteenth time of hearing them referred to as biters/walkers/lurkers, you wish at least one character – no matter how inconsequential and likely to die that episode – will call them what they clearly are! Still, this is at least a conscious decision of the script writers and show runners, and can be forgiven. What is less forgiveable is the glaring mistake that has frustrated me on the series I am currently watching. With it announced in the second series that we all carry the zombie disease and even away from bites and scratches will “turn” upon death, the great threat for half of the fourth season is a flu breakout! Thrilling stuff, it is a rollercoaster ride to keep the main protagonists alive, but fear not, some of the healthy are on a dangerous supply run to pick up antibiotics!

At this point I want to punch the TV and have genuinely questioned out loud, which show-running numpty thought that antibiotics (for infections) would have any effect on a flu virus! With the human body exponentially becoming more resistance to too commonly taken antibiotics, such glaring televised mistakes only work to compound the problem! They could have simply meant antivirals, but with at least a few mentions of the words antibiotics, I stand firmly peeved. So with the winter and nasty bug season looming, please take medical advice from non-zombie related sources. Thanks for bearing with my rant, I’m now off to finish my paper on how the cure of Ebola lies with homeopathy!

Bored Gamers is an hour-long weekly show on all things gaming.

Tune in to see it on Latest TV at 9pm every Friday night.

At this point I want to punch the TV

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Methinks Spenny has his eye on another orgy recruit

Follow me: @andrewjbullock

Follow us: @boredgamersuk

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ew boy alert. He’s called Josh.

Josh is “in hotels”. Spenny says that he is also “in hotels” and that they are going to have some fun. Methinks Spenny has his eye on another orgy recruit, now that Alex is trying to seek penance from the gods of sexual depravity.

Lucy should probably change her phone settings because she receives a text from someone who “needs to tell her something about Wheeze and Alik”, but the top of the text doesn’t say who sent it. Apparently this gossip is that Wheeze cheated on Alik. Well slap my legs and call me Horace!

Sam and Tiff go on a boring miniature golf date (this is to make Sam look taller). They have zero banter. Sam can’t get a hole in one. In many ways.

Steph is back in Chelsea and has got herself an apartment here because Chelsea is where her heart is. She tells Stevie and Proudlock this. Proudlock has come to support Stevie so that he won’t do anything silly like allow himself to be happy with Steph. He does a crap job at it though, as he leaves before Steph has even had time to peruse the ruddy menu. Steph and Stevie then agree to just be friends. May I ask “why?”

She’s got a place over here, you can be together now, you silly trollops.

Toff’s put her skirt on back to front, which over excites Jamie who is desperate for the touch a woman. They decide that it will be a fun idea to call Sam, whilst he’s on his date with Tiff. Over the phone, Jamie suggests Sam “lunges” for Tiff so as to kiss her. So he tries it. She literally flinches away from him with utter disgust. But Sam retorts with an excellent comeback: “at least we know you’re a Watson”. Well done Sam, my respect levels have raised in your favour.

Alex has written Binky a letter and, damn it, it’s all a bit cute and adorable and our icy hearts are starting to melt a bit on the Alex/Binky front.

Sophie’s having another Bavarian birthday party. She must be the Queen of Germany, because she had another birthday party in April.

Binky points out that she has her titties out. “I love it,” says Sophie with Germanic pride. Binky is stressed about the letter Alex gave her. She gets it out to read it. It looks a bit like Alex has written it with a 17th-century quill.

It’s not that great TBH. Same old same old. Then Alex catches them reading it. I would be a bit annoyed actually, if someone was bandying around a letter I’d written them at a European themed soiree.

New Josh calls Steph, who is casually lounging around in her silk negligee. He asks her out properly and she accepts. Somewhere out there, Stevie’s eye begins to twitch.

Lucy does the neighbourly thing and pops over to Wheeze’s to inform her of the fact that she apparently cheated on Alik in a drunken daze.

Wheeze has no recollection of it. But who cares, because apparently this happened before Alik got to Chelsea. So Lucy, pipe down.

Next week’s predictions: Stevie will get unreasonably annoyed at Steph’s decision to date Josh, rather than sit in her new Chelsea apartment wearing a mourning shawl, looking out over the rooftops and dabbing her tears away with an antique kerchief.

Andrew’s blog can be read at drewjbullock.wordpress.com

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TUESDAY 18 Secrets Of The Castle With Ruth, Peter And Tom BBC2, 9pm When people imagine olden times, chances are there are a few pretty horses and a lack of pesticides in the hypothetical idyll. Historian Ruth Goodman, along with archeologists Peter Ginn and Tom Pinfold, turn the clock back to arrive in mediaeval times ... in an actual castle.

Imagine... Anselm Kiefer BBC1, 10.35pm Alan Yentob meets up with one of the world’s most singular and successful artists of modern times – Anselm Keifer – in his studios in France and Germany, as he prepares for a retrospective of his work at the Royal Academy. Working with themes of history, memory and mythology. Coo.

The Vampire Diaries ITV2, 9pm It’s useful being a vampire sometimes. Like when someone kills a girlfriend, you can compel your boss at the auto repair shop to give you a few days off. Um, Stefan might want to look at employment law and the possibility that his boss could actually be sympathetic to a bereavement. Just sayin’...

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 The Newspapers 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00 International Chef Exchange 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 Under The Radar 5.30 Bowlegs 6.00 Latest News 6.30 Bookenders 7.00 Best Of Brighton Lights Richard Shayler takes a cheeky look back on episodes of Brighton Lights, first aired on the internet.

7.30 Latest News 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

8.30 You Make It, We Show It! 9.00 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 9.30 Indiecan 10.00 Modern Toss Comedy series with lots of swearing!

10.30 Latest News 11.00 Bookenders 11.30 Under The Radar 12.00am News 12.30 Bookenders 1.00 Best Of Brighton Lights 1.30 News 2.00 The Vote 2.30 You Make It, We Show It 3.00 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 3.30 Indiecan 4.00 Modern Toss 4.30 Latest News 5.00 Bookenders 5.30 Under The Radar

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Neighbourhood Blues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Moving On 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Glorious Gardens From Above 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Dazed by the recent news, Mick and Dean go on a mission to find Shirley. Will it prove as successful as they hope?

8.00 Holby City Hospital drama.

Serena is overwhelmed by Adrienne’s deteriorating health. Michael performs surgical pyrotechnics to avoid returning to a stateside scandal. Adele struggles to balance studying with her day job.

9.00 The Missing Relationship thriller exploring the emotional fallout of a child’s abduction on both the family and the wider community, told over two time frames and two countries. In 2006, the case is thrown into disarray when someone with important information is found murdered. Tony is horrified as he begins to realise that someone close to him isn’t the person he claimed to be.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Imagine... Anselm Kiefer See highlights.

11.50 FILM: The Painted Veil (2006) Starring Naomi Watts, Edward Norton, Liev Schreiber, Diana Rigg.

Drama based on the novel by W Somerset Maugham.

1.45am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.50 BBC News

BBC2

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Call The Council 7.50 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 8.20 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 9.05 Antiques Roadshow 10.05 Building Dream Homes 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Coast 1.05 The Life Of Birds 2.00 The Great British Bake Off 3.00 A Place To Call Home 3.45 The Rockford Files 4.35 Cagney And Lacey 5.20 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball is joined by the couple who escaped elimination.

7.00 The Great Interior Design Challenge It’s the first of the three second-round episodes.

8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals It’s the third week of the heats and five ambitious chefs from across the country begin their bid for the title with the first challenge.

9.00 Secrets Of The Castle With Ruth, Peter And Tom See highlights.

10.00 The Walshes Comedy series.

The children are too old to still be living at home, but in the current financial climate, needs must. When Graham’s landlord kicks him out, Ciara suggests that he move in with her, but his sudden insertion into the house upsets a delicate balance.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 World’s Greatest Food Markets Following a dream of visiting and trading in the world’s greatest food markets, Billingsgate trader Roger Barton heads across the Atlantic to New York’s New Fulton market.

12.20am Sign Zone: Film 2014 4.00 Gang Life: Segun’s Story 4.25 Gang Life: Ceejay’s Story 4.35 Exploring The Past: Protest 5.00 L8R Youngers 5.40 What Makes Me, Me

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Pete is thrown by a visit from the police.

7.30 International Football: Scotland V England Adrian Chiles presents live coverage of this international friendly. Rickie Lambert was the hero for England last year at Wembley when he scored the winner in a pulsating 3-2 victory. The two sides meet again at Celtic Park with Gordon Strachan hoping that his resurgent Scottish team can gain their revenge. With analysis by David Moyes, Glenn Hoddle and Lee Dixon, and commentary by Andy Townsend and Clive Tyldesley.

10.15 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.55 Hot Tub Britain Documentary examining the growing attraction of the hot tub in Britain. Jacuzzis and whirlpools are no longer just a fantasy seen on an American soap or as accessories for the very rich. The tub has gone mainstream and has become Britain’s most desirable status symbol, as one family business in Blackpool knows only too well.

Dennis Holmes, his son Dan Holmes and son-in-law Ross Phillipson own the biggest hot tub superstore in Britain, with a turnover of more than 10 million pounds a year.

12.00am The Cube 12.50 Jackpot247 3.00 Loose Women 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The jubilant McQueens board the party train, oblivious to the danger ahead.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot 8.00 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners Andy from Reigate washes his bathroom and kitchen after every use, weeds his patio every day and even bribes his six-year-old son to clean his toys. Andy helps out Hayley, from Surrey, who hasn’t cleaned her microwave since the 1990s.

9.00 You Can’t Get The Staff Reality series following wealthy people as they set about hiring domestic servants. Sara Vestin Rahmani, who runs an elite staffing agency, needs a new butler. The job spec includes the ability to co-ordinate private jets and get along with Sara’s two French bulldogs. Fancy it?

10.00 Gogglebox Television review comedy series in which TV fanatics open up their living rooms to reveal their reactions to popular and topical shows.

11.00 24 Hours In A&E Documentary series following patients at St George’s Hospital in London.

12.00am PokerStars.com 1.00 Cage Warriors 1.55 KOTV Boxing Weekly 2.25 Trans World Sport 3.20 Stockton River Rat Race 3.45 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Milkshake! Monkey 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Police Interceptors 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: The Christmas Dance (2012) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away The Bay’s residents face an emotional day as Casey’s body is laid to rest.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 Madeleine McCann: A Global Obsession Documentary looking into the reason why the disappearance of Madeleine McCann continues to make headline news when hundreds of children go missing every year.

8.00 There’s A Rhino In My Bed! Documentary exploring the heartwarming story of Judy and John Travers, a Zimbabwean couple who have devoted their lives to saving from extinction one of the rarest mammals on Earth.

9.00 Miracle Babies Documentary series following staff and patient stories at the neo-natal unit at Liverpool Women’s Hospital.

10.00 NCIS American crime drama.

The team’s search for a terrorist takes an unsettling turn when a high-tech bug is found in a probationary agent’s tooth.

11.00 NCIS American crime drama.

Terrorism threatens when the team continues to be thwarted by the newest member of the NCIS Most Wanted wall.

11.55 NCIS Crime drama series.

12.45am Five VOD True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 1.10 SuperCasino 3.10 Underground Britain 4.00 Nick’s Quest 4.25 Great Scientists 4.50 House Doctor (x2) 5.35 Wildlife SOS Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

11.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Inside Gatwick 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 The Flash 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 10.00 Britcam: Emergency On Our Streets 11.00 Legends 12.00am Road Wars

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Free Speech 9.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 10.00 Life Is Toff 10.30 The Revolution Will Be Televised 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Life Is Toff 1.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 2.00 Free Speech 2.55 EastEnders

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys (x2) 8.30 National Treasures Of Wales 9.00 The Many Faces Of Les Dawson 10.00 Hunt vs Lauda: F1’s Greatest Racing Rivals 11.00 Totally British: 70s Rock ‘n’ Roll 12.00am Squeeze: Take Me I’m Yours 1.00 The Riviera: A History In Pictures

2.45pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 6.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! 7.00 You’ve Been Framed And Extreme! 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 The Vampire Diaries.

See highlights. 10.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 Celebrity Juice 11.50 Plebs 12.20am Two And A Half Men (x3)

9.35am Judge Judy (x3) 10.50 A Touch Of Frost 12.55pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.00 Wycliffe 4.10 Faith In The Future 4.40 French Fields 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Endeavour 11.00 The Vice 12.05am A Touch Of Frost 1.55 ITV3 Nightscreen

4.00pm Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa And Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 Rude Tube 10.00 Bad Robots 10.35 Tattoos After Dark 11.05 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.05am The Inbetweeners

1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Location, Location, Location Australia 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Penelope Keith’s Hidden Villages 10.00 Great Canal Journeys 11.05 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 11.55 Embarrassing Bodies Down Under 1.00am Location, Location, Location Australia

11.00am Battle Of The River Plate (1956) 1.25pm The Desperadoes (1943) 3.10 The House On 92nd Street (1945) 4.55 Broken Arrow (1950) 6.45 Star Trek: Insurrection (1998) 9.00 XMen: 1st Class (2011) 11.55 Splice (2007) 1.40am Raging Balls Of Steel Justice (2013) 1.55 The Conspirators Of Pleasure

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WEDNESDAY 19 Masterchef: The Professionals BBC2, 8pm The judges are described thus: two michelin-starred chef Marcus Wareing, perfectionist chef Monica Galetti, and Masterchef’s seasoned diner Gregg Wallace. Oh, to have that job as a ‘seasoned diner’... Five more ambitious chefs set out to impress and titilate taste buds.

Posh Pawn Channel 4, 8pm A bit like ‘Antiques Roadshow’ meets ‘Cash In The Attic’ but with more high end goods. The staff at Prestige pawnbrokers in Hatton Garden are impressed to find a suit of armour with a matching horse in their new shop, while a sun-worshipper looks to hock the family jewels to finance a move to Spain.

8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown More4, 10pm More opportunity to test your skill with words and numbers, as well as feel that bit cleverer than some of the country’s top comedians. Jimmy Carr hosts, while team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson are joined by Kevin Bridges and James Corden.

Plus fabbo Joe Wilkinson.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Best of Brighton Lights 8.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00 Brighton Lights 12.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 International Chef Exchange 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Growing Concerns 6.00 News The latest news plus national updates.

6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Post Feature All the latest movie news with Jessica Kellgren-Hayes and Joseph Gunn 7.00 Brighton Lights Entertainment show with presenters Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller.

7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

8.30 Latest Homes Live Pioneering daily property show, a commercial feature, with homes for sale and to let in the area, as well as Exceptional Homes, iconic buildings, local history and finance tips.

10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Under The Radar 11.30 Bookenders 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Post Feature 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 News 1.50 Sport News 1.55 Weather 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Latest Homes Live 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Under The Radar 5.30 Bookenders

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Neighbourhood Blues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Moving On 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Glorious Gardens From Above 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 8.00 Waterloo Road School-based drama. After Justin sees a boy shoplifting, he takes matters into his own hands and tries to help. When his actions don’t get the response he was expecting, things spiral out of control. Simon and Sue’s dinner party goes badly wrong after Hector speaks out of turn.

9.00 The Apprentice Lord Sugar summons the candidates to tell them their next task.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Live At The Apollo Stand-up comedy from the Hammersmith Apollo. Sarah Millican introduces sets from two of comedy’s biggest stars, Joe Lycett and Russell Kane.

11.05 Film 2014 Claudia Winkleman and Danny Leigh take a critical look at this week’s film releases including the return of Jennifer Lawrence in The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part One. 11.35 FILM: Obsessed (2009) Starring Idris Elba, Beyoncé Knowles, Ali Larter, Jerry O’Connell. Drama about successful asset manager Derek, whose life becomes a living hell when he hires a beautiful but apparently unhinged temp.

1.20am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.25 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Call The Council 7.45 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 8.15 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 9.00 Sacred Rivers With Simon Reeve 10.00 Building Dream Homes 10.30 See Hear 11.00 BBC News 11.30 Daily Politics 1.00pm Lifeline 1.10 The Life Of Birds 2.00 The Great British Bake Off 3.00 A Place To Call Home 3.45 The Rockford Files 4.35 Cagney And Lacey 5.20 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball has all the gossip and exclusive news from Strictly Come Dancing.

7.00 The Great Interior Design Challenge It is the second round of the competition and three previous winners must up their game if they are to win a place in the quarter-finals.

8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals See highlights.

9.00 Great Continental Railway Journeys With his 1913 Bradshaw’s in hand, Michael Portillo journeys deep into central Europe to explore a country where east meets west: Poland. Beginning in Warsaw, Michael is puzzled by how a city famously razed to the ground after the Second World War can appear so beautifully preserved.

10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired The newly-fired candidate from The Apprentice receives a grilling in front of a studio audience.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Russia’s Lost Princesses Two-part series focusing on Tsar Nicholas II’s four daughters – Olga, Tatiana, Maria and Anastasia.

12.20am Intruders 1.05 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.35 Sign Zone: Trust Me, I’m A Doctor 4.00 The Imagineers 4.30 Fazer’s Urban Takeover – Learning Zone 5.00 Spark

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Debbie is floored

by Pete’s confession. Rodney scuppers Nicola’s baby-making plans.

7.30 Coronation Street Steve makes an impulsive decision.

Will Michael finally meet his son?

8.00 Surprise Surprise Holly Willoughby presents the show where ordinary people are rewarded for doing extraordinary things. In this edition, Katherine Jenkins surprises a fundraiser with a workout he will never forget – and gives an exclusive performance in the studio. And a remarkable mother who has established a charity to support families with children suffering from a rare genetic disorder receives a special gift.

9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Ant and Dec present the fourteenth series of the celebrity jungle survival challenge.

The surprises keep coming for the celebrities as they adapt to life in the jungle, but who will the public choose to face the next Bushtucker Trial?

10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.15 The Chase Quiz show hosted by Bradley Walsh.

12.10am Fool Britannia 12.35 Jackpot247 2.30 FILM: Dog Day Afternoon (1975) 4.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me: Celebrity Christmas Special (x2) 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me: Celebrity Christmas Special (x3) 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Lindsey’s stuck with an unwanted birth partner, but will a new bond form between the pair?

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot 8.00 Posh Pawn See highlights.

9.00 Liberty Of London Documentary series going behind the scenes at the stylish London department store as it gets ready for the festive season. In this episode, managing director Ed Burstell returns home for New York Fashion Week. Alongside Kate and Stephen, Ed embarks on a whirlwind of fashion shows, showroom appointments and events, with tickets to the hottest designers in town.

10.00 Confessions Of A Copper Documentary series which examines iconic professions in British society, and asks whether these occupations have lost the respect and authority they once held dear and took for granted. The first episode looks at police officers, who were once seen as pillars of the community.

11.00 It Was Alright In The 1970s Two-part series which revisits the TV decade that taste forgot.

12.00am MUSIC ON 4: Music Nation 12.35 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 1.25 FILM: English Vinglish (2012) 3.40 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 4.35 Location, Location, Location 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Milkshake! Monkey 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Police Interceptors 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Christmas Returns To Canaan (2011) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away John and Marilyn try to keep their elopement plans a secret, but to no avail.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series following the activities of high-speed police pursuit units.

8.00 Gibraltar: Britain In The Sun Observational documentary seriesr.

Manager Allen Bula takes the national football team to their ‘home’ ground in Portugal for a match against Malta.

9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away Documentary series. The repossession agents find themselves dealing with an unusual case in which a landlord is threatening to evict his own mother.

10.00 Wentworth Prison Graphic Australian drama series. As the police and Will search for Bea, she closes in on Brayden Holt. Fletch learns the secret of Ferguson’s past.

11.00 Family Massacre: The Jersey Slayer Documentary about Damian Rzeszowski, who killed six people, including his wife and children, at a barbecue at his family home in Jersey in 2011.

12.00am Dallas 12.50 Five VOD True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 1.15 SuperCasino 3.10 Fred And Rose: House Of Horrors 4.00 Nick’s Quest 4.25 Great Scientists 4.50 House Doctor (x2) 5.35 Wildlife SOS Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

11.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 FILM: X-Men 2 (2003) 10.40 Legends 11.40 Forever 12.40am NCIS: Los Angeles (x3)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Gavin & Stacey 8.30 World’s Craziest Fools 9.00 People Like Us 10.00 Sweat The Small Stuff 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Sweat The Small Stuff 1.00 People Like Us 2.00 Some Girls 2.30 Life Is Toff

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 Horizon: Solar Storms – The Threat To Planet Earth 9.00 FILM: Enigma (2001) 10.55 A303: Highway To The Sun 11.55 Great American Rock Anthems: Turn It Up To 11 12.55am Bon Jovi In Concert 1.55 Queen Victoria’s Letters

1.50pm Royal Pains 2.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 6.00 IACGMOOHN: Crown Jewels 7.00 Best Of You’ve Been Framed! 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Freshers 2014 10.00 You’ve Been Framed! 10.30 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.30 Celebrity Juice 12.20am Plebs 12.50 Two And A Half Men (x2)

8.20am Wycliffe 9.30 Judge Judy (x3) 10.50 A Touch Of Frost 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.00 Wycliffe 4.10 Faith In The Future 4.40 French Fields 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Endeavour 11.00 The Vice 12.05am A Touch Of Frost

4.00pm Melissa And Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa And Joey 8.00 FILM: 27 Dresses (2008) 10.15 The Inbetweeners 10.45 The IT Crowd 11.15 Drifters 11.50 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.50am Made In Chelsea

3.35pm A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Location, Location, Location Australia 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 The World’s Weirdest Weather 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown. See highlights. 11.10 Father Ted 11.45 8 Out Of 10 Cats 12.30am 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown 1.35 Father Ted

11.00am The Bad And The Beautiful (1952) 1.20pm War Of The Worlds (1953) 3.05 Gun Fury (1953) 4.45 White Christmas (1954) 7.10 The Golden Child (1986) 9.00 Immortals (2011) 11.10 Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991) 1.50am Surviving Life (2011) 4.00 Close

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THURSDAY 20 Brighton Lights Latest TV, 7pm Brighton Lights is Brighton’s very own lifestyle and entertainment magazine programme, showcasing the delightful presenting skills of Lynn Ruth Miller (tiny, but feisty) and Guy Lloyd (he towers over her, but that’s not difficult to do). Join the team for what’s hot and what’s not in this, our fair city by the sea.

The Great Interior Design Challenge BBC2, 7pm It must be a joy to let the creative inspiration loose in somebody else’s house! Like a large scale schoolroom art class but with more money, adults and, er, ramifications ... ok, maybe not.

Architectural historian Tom Dyckhoff presents the search for untapped interior design talent.

Sweat The Small Stuff BBC3, 1.30am Nick Grimshaw hosts the comedy panel show that makes life’s ‘little things’ as big a deal as can be.

Rochelle Humes and Melvin Odoom play team captains, and are joined by singer and TV presenter Stacey Solomon, popstars Rixton and comedians Ed Gamble and Sam Simmons.

Hyperboles everywhere!

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00pm Brighton Lights 12.30 Post Feature 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 Brighton Lights 2.30 Brighton Lights 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 Under The Radar 5.30 Bowlegs 6.00 News The latest local news plus national updates.

6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Latest Sport Preview The Latest Sports team preview the sport coming up this weekend.

7.00 Brighton Lights Entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond.

7.30 Albion Night The Seagulls’ weekly show with Latest Sport.

Featuring news about the squads and competitions, classic games from the club’s archives and much more.

8.30 Albion Night More from the Seagulls’ weekly show.

9.30 Albion Night More from the Seagulls’ weekly show.

10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Bowlegs Live music and interviews with the artists, presented by Julian Tardo.

11.30 Indiecan 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Latest Sport Preview 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 Albion Night 2.30 Albion Night 3.30 Albion Night 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Bowlegs 5.30 Indiecan

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Neighbourhood Blues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Moving On 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Glorious Gardens From Above 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show.

7.30 EastEnders Linda is horrified when Mick confronts her over her recent behaviour.

8.00 Watchdog Consumer series.

Anne Robinson and the team continue their mission to protect consumers with investigations into some of the country’s biggest brands.

9.00 Life Story David Attenborough explores how animals attempt to overcome the challenges that face them at crucial stages of life. Waved albatross pair for life and spend hours canoodling with each other. A male flame bowerbird creates a stick sculpture decorated with shells and berries to impress a mate. But the most extraordinary display of all is created by a tiny, drab male pufferfish. He builds a spectacular ‘crop circle’ in the sand.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby presents topical debate from Birmingham.

11.35 This Week By-Election Special A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil with Michael Portillo and guests.

3.00am Holiday Weatherview 3.05 BBC News

BBC2

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Call The Council 7.50 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 8.20 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 9.05 Human Universe 10.05 Building Dream Homes 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Coast 1.10 The Life Of Birds 2.00 The Great British Bake Off 3.00 A Place To Call Home 3.45 The Rockford Files 4.35 Cagney And Lacey 5.20 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the nerdy quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball presents all the backstage gossip and action.

7.00 The Great Interior Design Challenge See highlights.

8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals Two Michelin-starred chef Marcus Wareing joins Monica Galetti and MasterChef’s seasoned diner Gregg Wallace to judge Britain’s ambitious new chefs.

9.00 The Fall Crime drama series.

10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News Russell returns with his quirky take on the week’s global headlines and bizarre news stories.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Mekong River With Sue Perkins Sue Perkins continues her epic journey up the Mekong. She is confronted by the emotionally challenging world of wildlife trafficking. She goes on a raid to catch bushmeat traders and releases captured animals back into the wild.

12.20am Sign Zone: Ebola Frontline – Panorama Panorama spent a month in Sierra Leone with Dr Javid Abdelmoneim filming his work at a treatment centre run by charity MSF. 4.00 Apprentice For A Day 4.40 Beneath The Lab Coat 5.00 Absolute Genius With Dick & Dom

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Home Farm is raided, leaving Lawrence in peril.

7.30 Future Transport: Tonight As journey times get longer, commuters say there is a congestion crisis and it is affecting their businesses and personal lives. Fiona Foster examines some of the solutions being seriously considered to keep Britain moving.

8.00 Emmerdale Robert is smug to have the upper hand. Debbie is rocked by Andy’s demands.

8.30 Paul O’Grady: For The Love Of Dogs Paul O’Grady meets more of the residents of Battersea Dogs and Cats Home. In the final episode, Paul boosts the profile of one mutt who may just be Battersea’s ugliest dog.

9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Ant and Dec present the fourteenth series of the celebrity jungle survival challenge.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 Spandau Ballet: True Gold Spandau Ballet perform their greatest hits live in front of a studio audience as they celebrate 35 years as Britain’s favourite New Romantic band.

11.40 The Last Word Political show with MPs and other guests looking at the big stories in the region.

12.10am Jackpot247 3.00 Future Transport: Tonight 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.10 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Dennis and Trevor are in a race to reach Blessing first, but does she want to be found?

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 The Political Slot A party political broadcast with Priti Patel MP of the Conservative Party.

8.00 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces Property design series.

George meets Harry who wants to transplant a derelict Victorian railway signal box to his home.

9.00 24 Hours In A&E Documentary.

In this episode the people who are providing the bedside support take centre-stage.

10.00 Babylon Comedy. Liz presents her vision for Metwork: the force’s very own digital news channel.

11.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Topical comedy panel show. Host Jimmy Carr.

11.50 24 Hours In Police Custody Documentary. Three sex workers are arrested during a raid on a brothel.

12.50am One Born Every Minute Fly-on-the-wall documentary. There’s a serious emergency on the maternity ward when a baby’s shoulders become wedged. 1.45 Unreported World Foreign affairs documentary series. 2.10 How The Rich Get Richer: Channel 4 Dispatches Investigative documentary. 2.40 The Real Mill With Tony Robinson 3.40 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 4.35 Location, Location, Location 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00am Children’s television 7.10 Little Princess 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Milkshake! Monkey 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Gibraltar: Britain In The Sun 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Trading Christmas (2011) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Marilyn and John call off their plans to elope when they realise that the whole Bay will be in attendance, and go back to planning an intimate wedding.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 The Gadget Show Actionpacked consumer show showcasing the latest technology.

8.00 Underground Britain Documentary. Rob Bell discovers a long-lost secret when he visits the ruins of Nottingham castle and learns about the life-saving work of the the Mine Rescue Service.

9.00 Muggings And Mayhem: Caught On Camera Documentary series. The Met’s police helicopter India99 is called to the Thames by Big Ben to help rescue a woman jumper and her two daughters, who leapt in after her.

10.00 Fred And Rose: The Last Betrayal Documentary.

What led Fred and Rose West to become the most prolific serial killers in British history?

11.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away Documentary series. A landlord is threatening to evict his own mother.

12.00am SuperCasino 3.10 Alex Polizzi’s Secret Italy 4.00 Nick’s Quest 4.25 Divine Designs 4.50 House Doctor 5.10 House Doctor 5.35 Wildlife SOS Louise Bevan

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

9.00am NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Arrow 9.00 Forever 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (x3) 1.00am Hawaii Five-0

7.00pm Don’t Tell The Bride (x2) 9.00 Prostitution: What’s The Harm? 10.00 World’s Craziest Fools 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x4) 12.30am Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 1.30 Sweat The Small Stuff 2.00 People Like Us 3.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents

7.00pm News 7.30 Top Of The Pops: 1979 8.00 Chivalry And Betrayal: The Hundred Years War 9.00 Queen Victoria’s Letters: A Monarch Unveiled 10.00 Puppy Love 10.30 Dancing Cheek To Cheek: An Intimate History Of Dance 11.30 Old Grey Whistle Test: 70s Gold 1.00am Top Of The Pops: 1979

1.15pmYou’ve Been Framed! 1.50 Royal Pains 2.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 6.00 I’m A Celebrity...

Get Me Out Of Here! 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Scorpion 10.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 Celebrity Juice 11.50 Plebs 12.20am Two And A Half Men (x3)

8.20am Wycliffe 9.30 Judge Judy (x3) 10.50 A Touch Of Frost 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.00 Wycliffe 4.10 Faith In The Future 4.45 French Fields 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Endeavour 11.00 The Vice 12.00am A Touch Of Frost

4.00pm Melissa And Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa And Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (2) 9.00 Drifters 9.30 2 Broke Girls 10.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (x2) 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am Rude Tube 1.00 Don’t Blame Facebook

10.50am FILM: The Andromeda Strain (1971) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Location, Location, Location Australia 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Homes

By The Sea 10.00 FILM: Knowing (2009) 12.25am Embarrassing Bodies Down Under 1.25 Location, Location, Location

11.00am The Hidden Fortress (1958) 1.45pm The 300 Spartans (1962) 4.05 Action In The North Atlantic (1943) 6.40 The Time Traveller’s Wife (2009) 9.00 Paul (2011) 11.05 Tucker And Dale Vs Evil (2010) 12.45am Carriers (2009) 2.25 Primer (2004) 4.00 Close

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FRIDAY 21 Bored Gamers Latest TV, 9pm What to do on a rainy winter’s evening? Gaming of course!

Whether you’re after computer games to switch off and switch out with, or a board game to gather all of the family around and draw their battlelines, Jim Devereaux and Greg Marshall are on the case and assessing them all for you.

I’m A Celebrity...

Get Me Out Of Here!

ITV1, 9pm By now we know who the whingers are and who can leap tall Bushtucker Trials in a single bound, but are you any closer to determining who you want to be the king or queen of the jungle?

And is there any romance in that tropical heat? Ant and Dec know all the answers.

Dolly Parton @ Glastonbury 2014 BBC3, 11pm Declared by all and sundry to be one of the highlights of all of the Glastonbury Festivals evah!!!...

Here is another chance to see Dolly Parton embraced by the great muddied in a field earlier this year when she played at the iconic festival. Sing along and dance around your living room.

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Neighbourhood Blues 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Moving On 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Glorious Gardens From Above 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Pointless

6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 Best of Brighton Lights 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00pm Albion Night 1.00 Albion Night 2.00 Albion Night 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Bowlegs

6.00pm News The latest local news plus national and international updates.

6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 The Newspapers 7.00 Brighton Lights A nightly entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond.

7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 Cook It! Andrew Kay presents the ‘how to’ cookery programme.

8.30 News 9.00 Bored Gamers Greg and Jim present a weekly show for gaming enthusiasts.

10.00 Modern Toss The stink of excellence in a world gone tits-up!

Comedy animation and live-action series. Lots of swearing.

10.30 Bloody Mary 11.00 Noise Reel Extra Bmusic’s David Elphick and Catherine Sear amplify a wave of music news and entertainment to your ears with partners BN1 magazine providing local listings.

12.00am Bowlegs 12.30 Under The Radar 1.00 Bored Gamers 2.00 Modern Toss 2.30 Bloody Mary 3.00 Noise Reel Extra 4.00 Bowlegs 4.30 Under The Radar 5.00 Bored Gamers

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Still Open All Hours One-off special edition. Granville has inherited the shop from his beloved Uncle Arkwright, and now he is assisted by his son Leroy, a good-looking lad with more female admirers than Granville ever had.

8.00 EastEnders The reveal of Shirley’s secret continues to send shockwaves through the family.

8.30 Citizen Khan Sitcom. Mrs Khan takes on more shifts at the local supermarket, leaving Mr Khan in charge of the house.

9.00 Have I Got News For You The popular satirical news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host David Mitchell, and panellists Sara Cox and Alan Johnson.

9.30 Not Going Out Sitcom. In an attempt to impress Lucy with his intellectual prowess, Lee joins Daisy as a contestant on a TV quiz show.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show Chat show. Graham’s guests are Jennifer Aniston, Jason Bateman, Dame Judi Dench and Olly Murs.

11.20 Cuckoo Comedy series.

11.55 EastEnders The week’s drama.

1.50am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.55 BBC News

BBC2

6.10am Homes Under The Hammer 7.10 Call The Council 7.55 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 8.25 Children’s Hospital: The Chaplains 8.55 Formula 1: Abu Dhabi Grand Prix – Practice 1 10.35 The Travel Show 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Formula 1: Abu Dhabi Grand Prix – Practice 2 2.35 Coast 3.00 A Place To Call Home 3.45 The Rockford Files 4.35 Cagney And Lacey 5.20 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball takes a sneak peek into rehearsals.

7.00 The Home That Two Built Series which trawls through the archives to see how BBC Two has been a guide to shifting lifestyle trends in contemporary Britain.

8.00 Mastermind The subjects are Pink Floyd, Star Trek: Deep Space 9, the novels of James Herbert and the life and career of Theodore Roosevelt.

8.30 Tigers About The House Series following British tiger expert Giles Clark as he hand rears sumatran tiger cubs at home.

9.30 Mock The Week Dara O Briain and the team present a special end of series show featuring hilarious new material, out-takes and favourite bits.

10.00 QI Quiz show in which the aim is to be interesting. Stephen Fry looks at the lethal. With Bill Bailey, Sandi Toksvig, Jason Manford and Alan Davies.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Evan Davis.

11.05 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Anarchic pop quiz.

11.35 FILM: Soulboy (2010) Starring Martin Compston, Felicity Jones, Nichola Burley. Drama.

12.55am Sign Zone: Question Time

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Robert is chuffed

by Lawrence’s unexpected offer.

Laurel faces court alone.

7.30 Coronation Street Will Steve confide in Michelle? Michael is reunited with his long lost son.

8.00 Secrets From The Sky Series in which historian Bettany Hughes and Ben Robinson presents a unique look at Britain’s past by taking to the air and unlocking secrets hidden in the landscape. In this edition, they head to Scotland to discover that the Romans did not stop at Hadrian’s Wall, but pushed deeper north to build the most heavily fortified border in the whole of their empire.

8.30 Coronation Street Michelle gives Steve an ultimatum. Will Gavin accept Michael’s apology? Dev sees a new side of Julie.

9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! See highlights.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.15 FILM: Daylight (1996) Starring Sylvester Stallone, Dan Hedaya, Claire Bloom, Jay O Sanders, Viggo Mortensen. Subterranean disaster movie about a former emergency services worker who attempts to lead a handful of survivors to safety from a collapsing New York road tunnel.

1.15am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.10 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks After the previous night’s tragedy, someone is desperate to cover their tracks.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World Foreign affairs documentary series.

Reporter Kiki King and director Daniel Bogado visit Uganda to follow the inspirational work of the sign language teachers who are trekking deep into the countryside to transform the lives of deaf children and adults.

8.00 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. Comic-book drama. Raina threatens to expose Simmons to Hydra unless Coulson hands Skye over to her father.

9.00 Gogglebox Television review comedy series in which TV fanatics open up their living rooms to reveal their reactions to popular shows.

10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr hosts his own light-hearted chat show. His guests are Bette Midler and Keith Lemon. Music is provided

by Sam Smith.

11.05 Toast Of London Sitcom.

11.40 FILM: Aliens Vs Predator – Requiem (2007) Starring John Ortiz, Steven Pasquale, Johnny Lewis. The horror saga continues.

1.25am Boss 2.25 FILM: King And Country (1964) 4.00 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 4.55 Location, Location, Location 5.50 NFL: Rush Zone

Channel Five

6.00 –7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Milkshake! Monkey 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Underground Britain 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.20 NCIS 3.15 FILM: A Grandpa For Christmas (2007) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Shandi uninvites Chris to Marilyn and John’s wedding, but Chris, determined to let her know that he has feelings for her, changes her mind.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 World War II In Colour Documentary series bringing the history of the Second World War to life with the aid of the latest research and modern technology.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series following the lucrative, but highly dangerous, job of driving trucks on Canada’s notorious ice highway.

9.00 Ben Fogle: New Lives In The Wild Documentary series in which adventurer Ben Fogle meets people who have given up the rat race to start a new life in the wilderness. Ben heads to the sand dunes of Namibia to live with 50year-old Gideon David and his young family in the largest conservation area on the African continent.

10.00 Body Of Proof Drama series.

When a schizophrenic teenager is murdered inside a psychiatric institution for young females, another patient claims that she was the intended target.

11.00 NCIS: LA Spin-off police drama series.12.00 Super Casino 3.10 Jack The Ripper: The Missing 4.00 Nick’s Quest 4.20 Divine Designs 4.45 House Doctor (x2) 5.35 HouseBusters Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

3.00pm Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x4) 8.30 Futurama 9.00 Football’s Funniest Moments 10.00 Micky Flanagan’s Detour De France 11.00 Britcam: Emergency On Our Streets 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles

7.00pm Great Movie Mistakes III: Not In 3D 7.15 Atlantis 8.00 Motorway Cops 9.00 Comedy Fest Live 10.00 Bad Education 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x4) 12.30am Bad Education 1.00 Sweat The Small Stuff 1.30 Life Is Toff 2.00 The Revolution Will Be Televised 2.30 Some Girls

7.00pm News 7.30 Angelic Voices: The Choristers Of Salisbury Cathedral 9.00 Kenny Rogers: Cards On The Table 10.00 Country Kings At The BBC 11.00 Dolly Parton @ Glastonbury 2014. See highlights.

12.10am Glen Campbell: The Rhinestone Cowboy 1.10 Kenny Rogers: Cards On The Table

12.15pm Emmerdale (x2) 1.15 You’ve Been Framed!

1.50 Royal Pains 2.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 6.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! 7.00 You’ve Been Framed And Famous!

8.00 FILM: Ocean’s Eleven (2001) 10.30 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.30 Celebrity Juice 12.20am Plebs

8.20am Wycliffe 9.35 Judge Judy (x3) 10.50 A Touch Of Frost 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.00 Wycliffe 4.10 Faith In The Future 4.40 French Fields 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Endeavour 11.00 The Vice 12.05am A Touch Of Frost

3.00pm My Fair Wedding 4.00 Melissa And Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa And Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 FILM: Love And Other Drugs (2010) 11.15 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.15am Tattoos After Dark

11.25am FILM: Sea Of Sand (1958) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Location, Location, Location Australia 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 FILM: It’s Complicated (2009) 11.20 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 12.10am Embarrassing Bodies Down Under 1.15 Location, Location, Location Australia

11.00am The Cross Of Lorraine (1943) 12.50pm Seventh Cavalry (1956) 2.25 Cleopatra (1963) 7.05 Legend (1985) 9.00 Battle: Los Angeles (2011) 11.15 Zombieland (2009) 1.05am Shaolin Soccer (2001) 3.25 Close

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SATURDAY 22 Strictly Come Dancing BBC1, 7pm

The X Factor ITV1, 8pm

The competition for the glitterball intensifies as the remaining eight couples kick, spin and dance their hearts out to stay in the competition.

Once the judges’ scores have been added to viewer votes, the two lowest-scoring couples will perform again in the dreaded dance off in Sunday night’s results show. Cue dramatic music.

Dermot O’Leary hosts as the remaining acts perform live, all hoping to win the public vote and survive in the competition for another week. Can they prove to the judging panel – and the nation – that they have the talent and charisma to reach the live final? Or will the pressure result in tears and tantrums?

Either way, we’ll be watching.

The World’s Weirdest Weather More4, 5.45pm The series that examines some of the planet’s most extraordinary weather phenomena continues.

This week, sunlight transforms water into liquid gold at a waterfall in California, while in the deserts of the Middle East, weird weather makes sand dunes sing. Brilliantly baffling stuff.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Noise Reel 9.00 Matchday Breakfast 11.00 Matchday Breakfast 1.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 2.00 Matchday Breakfast 4.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 5.00 Post Feature 5.30 Cook It!

6.00 Best of Brighton Lights 6.30 Exploring Ancient Egypt Ancient Egypt as captured on a Nile cruise.

7.00 Brighton Lights A nightly entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller.

Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond.

7.30 You Make It, We Show It! 8.00 News 8.20 Sport News 8.25 Weather 8.30 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 9.30 Double Or Nutin’ 10.00 Bloody Mary 10.30 Bookenders 11.00 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 11.30 Bored Gamers 12.30am News 12.50 Sport News 12.55 Weather 1.00 Indiecan 1.30 FilmFest on 8 3.30 Bored Gamers 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 You Make It, We Show It! 5.30 Bowlegs

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 Football Focus 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Formula 1: Abu Dhabi Grand Prix – Qualifying 2.15 Rugby Union: Autumn Internationals – Scotland v Tonga 4.30 Final Score 5.20 Celebrity Mastermind 5.50 BBC News

6.00 South East Today 6.10 Pointless Celebrities Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman present a special celebrity sport edition of the quiz. Featuring Dennis Taylor and Bobby George, Ugo Monye and Phil Vickery, Sharron Davies and Louise Hazel and Dwain Chambers and Gail Emms.

7.00 Strictly Come Dancing See highlights 8.15 Atlantis Drama series. The city looks set to fall and the last remaining hope rests with Jason, Hercules and Pythagoras, but far from home they are fighting a desperate battle of their own. As the conflict reaches its climax, nothing could have prepared Hercules for what he discovers.

9.00 Casualty Lofty helps an asylum seeker, Ash loses it in resus and Ethan struggles with a diagnosis, requiring Dylan to step in.

9.50 The National Lottery Live Gaby Roslin hosts as the National Lottery Live celebrates 20 years!

10.00 BBC News The latest national and international news from the BBC. 10.20 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights from all of the day’s seven Premier League fixtures 11.45 The Football League Show Manish Bhasin presents highlights from all three divisions of the Football League. 1.05am Weather For The Week Ahead. Detailed weather forecast. 1.10 BBC News

BBC2

6.10am Animal Park 6.40 Formula 1: Abu Dhabi Grand Prix – Practice 1 8.20 Formula 1: Abu Dhabi Grand Prix – Practice 2 9.55 Formula 1: Abu Dhabi Grand Prix – Practice 3 11.05 Bargain Hunt 11.30 James Martin: Home Comforts 12.15pm James Martin: Home Comforts 1.00 Rick Stein’s Far Eastern Odyssey 2.00 Escape To The Country 2.45 FILM: The Red Shoes (1948) 4.55 Rugby Union: Autumn Internationals – Wales v New Zealand 7.30 Flog It! Trade Secrets Antiques series.

8.00 Perry And Croft: Made In Britain The comedies of Jimmy Perry and David Croft are a unique chronicle of Britain in the 20th century. Part two looks at the British obsession with status.

8.30 Dad’s Army Classic sitcom.

9.00 QI XL Stephen Fry looks at the quite interesting side of all things lethal.

9.45 Tomorrow’s Worlds: The Unearthly History Of Science Fiction Historian Dominic Sandbrook is joined by leading writers and filmmakers, who tell the inside story of their best-known works. In this first episode, Dominic looks at science fiction’s fascination with outer space.

10.45 Intruders ‘Rose’ is rising to power, but makes a forbidden request of Richard. Jack suffers insecurity issues and a traumatic confrontation that digs up his painful past.

11.30 FILM: Minority Report (2002) Starring Tom Cruise, Colin Farrell, Samantha Morton, Max von Sydow, Steve Harris, Neal McDonough.

Futuristic science fiction thriller about a detective who works for a police department that uses psychics to help convict murderers before they have committed their crimes.

1.50am FILM: The Thing From Another World (1951) Scientists in the Arctic dig up an alien and fight for their lives when it’s accidentally thawed.

ITV1

6.00 – 7.05am Children’s television 7.05 Canimals 7.10 Canimals 7.20 Signed Stories: Share A Story 7.25 Sooty 7.35 Mr Bean 7.50 The Matt Hatter Chronicles 8.15 Horrid Henry 8.30 The Munch Box 9.25 ITV News 9.30 The Hungry Sailors 10.25 Murder, She Wrote 11.20 ITV News & Weather 11.25 Storage Hoarders 12.25pm Surprise Surprise 1.30 All Star Family Fortunes 2.15 Doc Martin 3.15 Keep It In The Family 4.15 FILM: Scooby-Doo (2002) 6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.15 ITV News & Weather 6.30 New You’ve Been Framed!

Surreal comedy meets slapstick as Harry Hill welcomes us to his world of home videos.

7.00 The Chase: Celebrity Special Bradley Walsh hosts another celebrity edition of the hit quiz show in which four famous faces take on the Chaser, one of Britain’s finest quiz brains, in a bid to win thousands of pounds for charity. Contestants this time are Olympic gold medallist Greg Rutherford, Birds Of A Feather’s Lesley Joseph, Emmerdale’s Matt Wolfenden and football presenter and analyst Chris Kamara.

8.00 The X Factor See highlights.

9.40 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Ant and Dec present the jungle survival challenge. The celebrities have survived a week in the Australian bush but how are they adapting to jungle life and who is facing the Bushtucker Trial?

10.45 The Jonathan Ross Show Star-studded chat show. This week, Jonathan welcomes stand-up comedian Lee Evans, singer Noel Gallagher and comedian/actor Jack Whitehall. There is music Boyzone.

11.50 ITV News & Weather 12.05am The Chase 1.00 Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.15am Trans World Sport 7.10 Mobil 1 The Grid 7.35 Anglesey Sandman Triathlon 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Weekend Kitchen 10.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.35 Frasier 11.05 The Big Bang Theory 11.35 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm The Simpsons 12.30 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.25 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.25 Come Dine With Me 6.00 Come Dine With Me Cookery-based reality show in which people compete for the title of ultimate dinner host.

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Speed With Guy Martin Guy Martin takes on the challenge of building the fastest soapbox racer the world has ever seen, using just the pull of gravity and a tarmac road.

8.00 Walking Through History Tony Robinson goes on another walk through Britain’s most historic landscapes. In this edition, Tony sets out to discover the real King John.

9.00 It Was Alright In The 1970s Two-part series which revisits the TV decade that taste forgot.

10.00 FILM: Lawless (2012) Starring Shia LaBeouf, Tom Hardy, Jason Clarke, Jessica Chastain, Guy Pearce, Mia Wasikowska, Dane DeHaan, Gary Oldman, Lew Temple, Bill Camp, Chris McGarry, Marcus Hester, Alex Van and Noah Taylor. Crime drama. In Depression-era Virginia, members of a successful bootlegging gang are threatened by a corrupt deputy who wants a cut of their profits.

12.20am FILM: JFK (1991) Oliver Stone’s controversial re-creation of the 1963 Kennedy assassination in Dallas and its aftermath, focusing on the investigations of New Orleans District Attorney Jim Garrison. 3.40 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.55 SuperScrimpers

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.50am Children’s television 7.50am The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.05 Wanda And The Alien 8.20 Zack And Quack 8.35 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.50 Jelly Jamm 9.05 LazyTown 9.35 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 10.10 Access 10.15 Gibraltar: Britain In The Sun 11.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away 12.15pm FILM: Trading Christmas (2011) 2.00 FILM: All I Want For Christmas (2007) 3.45 FILM: My Santa (2013) 5.30 FILM: Crazy For Christmas (2005) 7.15 FILM: Christmas Wishes (2012) Starring Jason Gedrick, Richard Harmon, Erica Cerra, John Innes and Teryl Rothery. A young professor agrees to supervise the ‘Christmas orphans’, students who have no place to go for the holidays.

When he is blamed for damaging the Wishing Tree, the town’s special tree decorated with handwritten wishes, the group band together to prevent him from losing his job, giving everyone a common sense of purpose.

8.55 5 News Weekend National and international news.

9.00 FILM: The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) Starring Geena Davis, Samuel L Jackson, Craig Bierko, Patrick Malahide, Brian Cox, David Morse, GD Spradlin, Yvonne Zima, Melina Kanakaredes and Alan North. No-holds-barred action thriller about an amnesiac schoolteacher who discovers she was formerly a government assassin when she hires a low-rent private eye to help fill the gaps in her memory. Together they go on the run in a race against the clock to stop her former taskmasters from putting a heinous plan into action.

11.20 Gotham 12.15am SuperCasino 3.10 The Gadget Show 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 Make It Big 4.50 Make It Big 5.15 Angels Of Jarm 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.30 Angels Of Jarm 5.40 Roary The Racing Car 5.50 Roary Laura Gooch

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.30pm Get On Up Special 2.00 Last Man Standing (x2) 3.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (x2) 5.00 Portrait Artist Of The Year 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 8.00 Hawaii Five-0 9.00 FILM: Alien: The Director’s Cut (1979) 11.15 A League Of Their Own 12.15am Costa Del Street Crime (x2)

7.00pm Great Movie Mistakes III: Not In 3D 8.00 Top Gear 9.00 Sherlock 10.30 Live At The Apollo 11.00 Family Guy (x6) 1.15am Sweat The Small Stuff 1.45 Life Is Toff 2.15 The Revolution Will Be Televised 2.45 Live At The Apollo 3.15 Some Girls 3.45 In Deep

7.00pm Natural World: Grizzlies Of Alaska 8.00 The Riviera: A History In Pictures 9.00 Inspector Montalbano 10.45 The Joy Of The Guitar Riff 11.45 Great Guitar Riffs At The BBC 12.45am Top Of The Pops: 1979 1.30 Sounds Of The 70s 2 2.00 Natural World: Grizzlies Of Alaska 3.00 The Riviera: A History

12.30pm FILM: Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home (1995) 2.30 FILM: Dungeons And Dragons (2000) 4.35 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! 6.05 FILM: King Kong (2005) 9.40 The Xtra Factor 10.45 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.45 The X Factor 1.20am The Xtra Factor 2.20 You’ve Been Framed!

6.25am FILM: George And Mildred (1980) 8.10 The Royal (x2) 10.10 The Darling Buds Of May (2) 12.35pm Columbo: Any Old Port In A Storm 2.35 A Touch Of Frost 4.35 Inspector Morse 6.55 Rosemary And Thyme 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Midsomer Murders 11.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.45am Bomb Girls 1.35 World Kitchen

12.00pm How I Met Your Mother (x2) 1.00 FILM: A Turtle’s Tale: Sammy’s Adventures (2010) 2.45 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts 3.00 Made In Chelsea 4.00 Melissa & Joey (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x6) 9.00 FILM: The Fourth Kind (2009) 11.05 Rude Tube 12.10am The Inbetweeners

12.55pm Four In A Bed (x5) 3.35 Penelope Keith’s Hidden Villages 4.40 Homes By The Sea 5.45 The World’s Weirdest Weather 6.50 The World’s Most Extreme 7.55 Father Ted (x2) 9.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown (x2) 11.05 Dogging Tales 12.20am 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown (x2)

11.00am The Gentle Sex (1943) 1.00pm Deck The Halls (2006) 2.50 The Time Machine (1960) 4.55 Star Trek: Insurrection (1998) 7.05 The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising (2007) 9.00 Rush Hour 3 (2007) 10.45 Underworld: Awakening (2012) 12.25am Room 237 2.25 Apartment 143 (2011) 4.00 Close

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SUNDAY 23 Strictly Come Dancing BBC1, 7.15pm It’s results time! The show kicks off with a comic caper of a cop chase dance routine from the professional dancers. Plus international swoon-bot (for the over 60s) Barry Manilow perfoms a classic duet and one of his most iconic songs. Smelling salts at the ready, as eight couples become seven.

The Mekong River With Sue Perkins BBC2, 8pm What’s with the craze for roping veteran TV celebrities into weird and wonderful global expeditions purely for our viewing entertainment?! Well, we like it.

Sue Perkins is doing her bit by visiting south east Asia’s greatest river, the Mekong. Tonight, Sue reaches Laos.

Family Guy BBC3, 10pm If you’re partial, why not kick back before the working week begins with a double bill of the sometimes stupid, sardonic and smart-assed animated family?

Peter, Lois, Brian, Chris and Meg are pushing limits all over the shop. Comfy nook on the sofa = check. Suspension of disbelief = engage. Hilarity will ensue.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 International Chef Exchange 9.00 The Vote 9.30 The Vote 10.00 The Vote 10.30 At The Amex 11.30 Brighton Lights 12.00pm Brighton Lights 12.30 Brighton Lights 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 At The Amex 2.30 Best of Brighton Lights 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 Growing Concerns 5.30 News 5.50 Sport News 5.55 Weather 6.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

6.30 International Chef Exchange 7.30 At The Amex 8.30 News 8.50 Sport News 8.55 Weather 9.00 FilmFest on 8 Presenter Jessica Kellgren-Hayes introduces Latest TV’s very own weekly film festival, a dedicated film night for movies, shorts, and brand new work from filmmakers.

11.00 Under The Radar 11.30 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 FilmFest on 8 2.30 News 2.50 Sport News 2.55 Weather 3.00 FilmFest on 8 5.00 News 5.20 Sport News 5.25 Weather 5.30 You Make It, We Show It!

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Sunday Morning Live 11.00 Sunday Politics 12.10pm Formula 1: Abu Dhabi Grand Prix 3.30 Escape To The Country 4.00 Points Of View 4.15 Songs Of Praise 4.50 Life Story 5.50 BBC News

6.05 South East Today 6.15 Countryfile John Craven visits Berkshire’s agricultural college where, after more than a decade, the agricultural course is back up and running. He also discovers Cookham, the inspiration for great British artist Stanley Spencer.

7.15 Strictly Come Dancing See highlights.

8.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce presents from Tredegar House near Newport in Wales, one of the finest 17th-century houses in Britain.

9.00 Remember Me First of a threepart contemporary ghost story set in Yorkshire. Tom Parfitt’s arrival at a local retirement home leads to an eerie unexpected death.

10.00 BBC News 10.20 South East Today 10.30 Match Of The Day 2 Mark Chapman presents highlights from the day’s Premier League fixtures.

11.30 The Apprentice Passports packed, the candidates head for the American embassy to get the lowdown on their biggest challenge to date – an advertising campaign for a new soft drink.

12.30am FILM: Protocol (1984) Comedy in which a cocktail waitress accidentally saves the life of an important visiting diplomat when she takes a bullet in her behind.

2.00 Weather For The Week Ahead 2.05 BBC News

BBC2

6.15am Great British Garden Revival 7.15 Countryfile 8.15 Glorious Gardens From Above 9.00 The Football League Show 10.20 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11.50 James Martin’s Food Map Of Britain 12.15pm MOTD2 Extra 1.00 Rugby Union: Autumn International Highlights - England v Samoa 2.00 Bargain Hunt 2.45 Women’s Football: England v Germany 5.00 Coast 5.30 Glorious Gardens From Above 6.15 Flog It! Paul Martin pays a visit to Barnsley artist Graham Ibbeson to find out more about his unique sculptures.

7.00 Secrets Of The Castle With Ruth, Peter And Tom Historian Ruth Goodman and archaeologists Peter Ginn and Tom Pinfold learn how to build a medieval castle using the same tools, techniques and materials available in the 13th century.

8.00 The Mekong River With Sue Perkins See highlights.

9.00 World’s Greatest Food Markets Billingsgate fish merchant Roger Barton heads to Mexico City’s Central de Abasto, the largest food market on the planet.

10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News Russell Howard returns with his unique and quirky take on the week’s global headlines.

10.30 The Wrong Mans Sitcom.

11.00 The Wrong Mans Sitcom.

11.30 FILM: Moon (2009) Starring Sam Rockwell, Kevin Spacey.

Psychological thriller about a lone lunar miner counting down the days until he is reunited with his family.

1.00am FILM: The Quatermass Xperiment (1955) Sci-fi classic. An astronaut returns to Earth after an experimental space flight, afflicted by a strange fungus that transforms him into a murderous monster.

2.20 Sign Zone: Countryfile 3.20 Sign Zone: Holby City

ITV1

6.00am Children’s television 7.10 Canimals 7.20 Signed Stories: Share A Story 7.25 Sooty 7.35 Mr Bean 7.50 Ultimate SpiderMan 8.15 Horrid Henry 8.30 Big Time Rush 9.00 The Aquabats! Super Show!

9.25 ITV News 9.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 10.30 Murder, She Wrote 11.30 ITV News & Weather 11.40 FILM: Carry On Cruising (1962) 1.30pm The Unforgettable Joan Sims 2.00 All Star Family Fortunes 3.00 The X Factor 4.40 Midsomer Murders 6.30 ITV News Meridian 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Keep It In The Family Bradley Walsh hosts the show in which two families go head-to-head in a series of games to win all sorts of prizes.

8.00 The X Factor Results The tension will become almost unbearable for the remaining acts as they learn their fate. Who will be going home tonight?

9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Ant and Dec present the jungle survival challenge. In tonight’s show, one of the celebrities must face the live Bushtucker Trial.

Will they win food or will the camp go hungry?

10.30 ITV News; Weather 10.45 Catchphrase Stephen Mulhern invites contestants Marian, Paul and Lucy to say what they see as the current series of the muchloved game show concludes. The three players compete to guess familiar phrases hidden in animated clues, with one lucky contestant going through to the final Super Catchphrase round for their chance to win £50,000.

11.25 Rugby Highlights: Aviva Premiership Saracens take on Northampton Saints.

12.15am The Store 2.20 Motorsport UK 3.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.10am NFL: The American Football Show 7.10 How I Met Your Mother 7.35 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Jamie’s Comfort Food 9.30 Sunday Brunch 12.30pm Fifteen To One 1.30 The Big Bang Theory 2.00 The Big Bang Theory 2.30 The Simpsons 3.00 The Simpsons 3.30 The Simpsons 4.00 FILM: Furry Vengeance (2010) 5.50 FILM: Rio (2011) 7.40 Channel 4 News 8.00 Woolly Mammoth: The Autopsy Documentary. The discovery of the best-preserved mammoth last year has quickened the pace of one of the most ambitious and controversial projects in science: the cloning of the woolly mammoth.

This programme follows an international team of mammoth specialists and cloning scientists as they carry out a historic autopsy in Siberia.

9.00 Homeland US political drama.

CIA director Andrew Lockhart arrives just as Carrie’s investigation is growing more complicated.

10.00 Sarah Millican: Thoroughly Modern Millican Comedian Sarah Millican presents her live stand-up.

11.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr hosts his own light-hearted chat show. His guests are Bette Midler, James Blunt and Keith Lemon. Music is provided by Sam Smith.

12.00am Confessions Of A Copper Documentary series. The first episode looks at police officers, who were once seen as pillars of the community; eight police officers describe how they feel life for the police has changed forever.

1.00 The Simpsons 1.25 American Football Live 4.45 Mobil 1 The Grid 5.15 SuperScrimpers 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00am Children’s television 7.35 Paw Patrol 7.45 Little Princess 8.00 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.15 Wanda And The Alien 8.25 Zack And Quack 8.40 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.55 Jelly Jamm 9.10 LazyTown 9.40 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 10.15 Access 10.20 Police Interceptors 11.15 Police Interceptors 12.15pm Police Interceptors 1.10 FILM: Boyfriend For Christmas (2004) 3.00 FILM: The Christmas Secret (2014) 4.45 5 News Weekend 4.55 FILM: Superman III (1983) 7.15 FILM: Hancock (2008) Starring Will Smith, Jason Bateman, Charlize Theron and Thomas Lennon. Cynical vigilante Hancock’s superhuman powers help him fight crime and save lives, regularly causing chaos and costing millions of dollars in property damage. After saving the life of a public relations expert, he accepts the man’s offer to help improve his image - by paying the price for the damage he has caused.

9.00 FILM: The Green Hornet (2011) Starring Seth Rogen, Jay Chou, Cameron Diaz and Chad Coleman.

Action comedy. Following the death of his newspaper-magnate father, an irresponsible slacker recruits one of his dad’s former employees to become one half of a new crimefighting duo.

11.25 FILM: The Punisher (1990) Starring Dolph Lundgren, Louis Gossett Jr and Bryan Marshall.

Action adventure. An ex-cop whose wife and child were brutally murdered by gangsters takes revenge on the criminal underworld by coldly executing mobsters.

1.05am SuperCasino 3.10 Family Massacre: The Jersey Slayer 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 Make It Big 4.50 Make It Big 5.15 Angels Of Jarm 5.25 Angels Of Jarm 5.35 Angels Of Jarm 5.40 Angels Of Jarm 5.50 Roary The Racing Car Louise Bevan

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1.00pm Last Man Standing (x2) 2.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains (x2) Trains 4.00 Futurama 4.30 The Simpsons (x4) 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Flash 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 Trollied 9.00 Hawaii Five-0 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 11.00 Road Wars 11.30 The Cafe 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles 1.00 Hawaii Five-0

7.00pm Formula 1: The Abu Dhabi Grand Prix Highlights 8.00 Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes 8.15 FILM: The Proposal (2009) 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 Some Girls 11.15 American Dad! (x2) 12.00am Life Is Toff 12.30 The Revolution Will Be Televised 1.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 2.00 Some Girls

7.00pm The Great War 7.40 Britain’s Wild Places (x2) 8.00 The Day Of The Triffids (x2) 9.00 Hunt vs Lauda: F1’s Greatest Racing Rivals 10.00 Jim Clark: The Quiet Champion 11.00 Dolly Parton @ Glastonbury 2014 12.10am Kenny Rogers: Cards On The Table 1.10 Country Kings At The BBC 2.10 Sounds Of The 70s

2.40pm FILM: Small Soldiers (1998) 4.50 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! 5.50 FILM: Nanny McPhee And The Big Bang (2010) 8.00 Scorpion 9.00 The Xtra Factor 10.00 You’ve Been Framed! 10.30 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.35 Educating Joey Essex 12.40am Two And A Half Men (x2)

6.00am Wycliffe 6.55 FILM: Thoroughly Modern Millie (1967) 9.45 Heartbeat 10.45 Heartbeat 11.50 A Touch Of Frost 1.55pm Rosemary And Thyme 2.55 Columbo: Swan Song 5.00 FILM: On The Buses (1971) 6.50 Inspector Morse 9.00 Lewis 11.00 Cracker (x2) 2.20am Judge Judy (x3)

10.00am Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Made In Chelsea 1.35 Melissa & Joey 2.00 FILM: Mighty Joe Young (1998) 4.15 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts 4.30 The Big Bang Theory (x7) 8.00 FILM: 27 Dresses (2008) 10.10 The Inbetweeners (x2) 11.20 Drifters 11.50 Bad Robots 12.25am Brooklyn Nine-Nine (x2)

12.05pm Homes By The Sea 1.05 Car S.O.S 2.05 Gadget Man 2.40 Four In A Bed (x5) 5.20 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 Grand Designs 9.00 9/11: The Lost Tapes 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats 10.50 Father Ted (x2) 11.55 Embarrassing Bodies Down Under 1.00am 9/11: The Lost Tapes 2.05 Hostages

11.00am Broken Arrow (1950) 1.00pm Meet Dave (2008) 2.50 It’s A Wonderful Life (1946) 5.25 Stormbreaker (2006) 7.15 The Golden Child (1986) 9.00 Lockout (2012) 10.55 Date Night (2010) 12.40am Breathless (2008) 3.20 Close

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MONDAY 24 Tom Kerridge’s Best Ever Dishes BBC2, 7pm Most of us love food; we all love the weekend. Tom Kerridge has combined the two in a stroke of culinary genius by teaching us how to cook the best ever versions of the food we love to eat, as ‘dishes for the weekend’.

Tonight, Tom fuses Asian and British cuisine.

New Tricks BBC1, 9pm The UCOS team reinvestigate the murder of Eddie Chapman, leader of a notorious criminal motorbike gang, ‘The Braves’, when new evidence is brought to them by an unlikely source. You’d be forgiven for thinking it sounds like comic book fodder, but these are the lives lived by some; a stellar cast bring this drama to life.

Some Girls BBC3, 10pm An opportunity to re-live your wayward youth vicariously! The girls head off to their very first music festival, where drama (boy related, of course) ensues. They run their own t-shirt stall, and take advantage of several ‘new experiences’ on offer. Everyone remembers being a teenager, so we can only imagine ...

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 You Make It, We Show It! 9.00 Latest Homes Live 11.00 At The Amex 12.00pm Latest Homes Live 2.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 3.00 What The Waffle 3.30 Cook It! 4.00 The Newspapers 4.30 The Vote 5.00 Noise Reel Extra

6.00 News The latest local news plus national updates.

6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing Mike Mendoza presents his entertainment show.

7.00 Best of Brighton Lights 7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

8.30 Growing Concerns 9.00 Cook It! Andrew Kay’s weekly ‘how to’ cookery programme.

Sourcing local, good value, seasonal produce and with guest chefs.

9.30 International Chef Exchange 10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Bored Gamers 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 1.00 Best of Brighton Lights 1.30 News 1.50 Sport News 1.55 Weather 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Growing Concerns 3.00 Cook It! 3.30 International Chef Exchange 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Cate Ferris: Live At The Latest

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Don’t Mess With Me 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Claimed And Shamed 11.30 Channel Patrol 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 3.10 Escape To The Country 3.40 Glorious Gardens From Above 4.25 Flog It! 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show. Presented by Matt Baker and Alex Jones.

7.30 Fake Britain Matt Allwright investigates the conmen who are trying to get their hands on your money by using fakes, forgeries and frauds and shows you how to avoid being taken for a ride.

8.00 EastEnders The pressure of looking after Patrick is taking its toll on Denise. Shabnam sees another side to her when she tries to help.

8.30 Panorama A report from the weekly current affairs programme.

9.00 New Tricks See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Have I Got A Bit More News For You The extended version of the popular satirical news quiz.

11.20 Citizen Khan Sitcom. Mrs Khan takes on more shifts at the local supermarket, leaving Mr Khan in charge of the house. He introduces strict new house rules and sends his younger daughter Alia to a London mosque for work experience.

11.50 The Graham Norton Show Chat show. Graham’s guests are Friends actress Jennifer Aniston and actor Jason Bateman.

12.35am Weather For The Week Ahead 12.40 BBC News

BBC2

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Call The Council 7.50 Don’t Get Done, Get Dom 8.20 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 9.05 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 10.05 Tom Kerridge’s Best Ever Dishes 10.35 Click 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 The A To Z Of TV Gardening 1.10 Life In The Undergrowth 2.10 The Great British Bake Off 3.10 A Place To Call Home 3.55 The Rockford Files 4.45 Great British Railway Journeys 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the show where every day a new team of challengers take on the greatest quiz team in Britain.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball presents backstage gossip and behind-thescenes action from the weekend.

7.00 Tom Kerridge’s Best Ever Dishes See highlights.

7.30 Children’s Hospital: The Chaplains Documentary series. A young rugby player’s promising career on the pitch is now over.

8.00 University Challenge Jeremy Paxman asks the questions.

8.30 Only Connect Quiz show in which knowledge will only take you so far, as patience and lateral thinking are also vital.

9.00 Posh People: Inside Tatler Documentary. Behind the scenes at Tatler, the world’s oldest magazine.

10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Anarchic pop quiz.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Great Continental Railway Journeys With his 1913 Bradshaw’s in hand, Michael Portillo journeys into central Europe to explore a country where east meets west: Poland.

12.20am Sign Zone: The Apprentice 4.00 Love Hurts 4.30 Coping 5.00 Ask Lara: Bad News 5.10 Ask Lara: Girls Only Party 5.25 Enlighten Up! 5.55 What Makes Me, Me? And Other Interesting Questions

ITV1

Channel 4

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ross is irked by Aaron’s betrayal. Laurel’s news spreads through the village.

7.30 Coronation Street Will Steve face up to his condition?

8.00 Countrywise Paul Heiney, Ben Fogle and Liz Bonnin present the series about rural life. In this edition, Liz is in East Anglia finding out more about Britain’s largest spider, Ben spends a day in the life of a National Trust ranger in Norfolk, and Paul discovers how a rubbish dump has become a nature reserve.

8.30 Coronation Street Steve isolates himself. Will Michael tell Gavin the truth?

9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Ant and Dec present the jungle survival challenge.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 The Agenda ITV News political editor Tom Bradby is joined by big names to take a fresh look at the week ahead.

11.20 The Jonathan Ross Show Star-studded chat show. Jonathan welcomes stand-up comedian Lee Evans, singer Noel Gallagher and comedian Jack Whitehall.

12.20am Jackpot247 3.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Jamie’s Comfort Food 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.10 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Come Dine With Me 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Teen drama.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Turner Prize At 30 The first of five short films exploring the significance of the Turner Prize.

8.00 How To Break Into Britain: Channel 4 Dispatches Documentary investigating the gangs that are making big money by smuggling illegal immigrants into Britain.

8.30 Sarah Beeny’s How To Sell Your Home In Flintshire, web designers Sian and Rob Saunders are selling their detached four-bed house.

9.00 Skint Observational documentary series following residents of the East Marsh area of Grimsby who are living with the effects of long-term unemployment.

10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Comedy panel show hosted by Jimmy Carr.

10.45 Toast Of London Sitcom with Matt Berry starring as thespian Steven Toast.

11.20 The IT Crowd Sitcom set in an IT department.

11.50 NFL: The American Football Show The best of the week’s action from the NFL. 12.50am Love And Adventure Extreme sports movie showcase.

1.20 FILM: The Square Circle (1996) Drama. 3.15 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 4.10 Location, Location, Location 5.05 Win It Cook It 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00am Children’s television 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Milkshake!

Bop Box 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.10 Milkshake! Monkey 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ben Fogle: New Lives In The Wild 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Lost At Christmas (2007) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Brax and Andy return after a few days looking for Jake, but depart again the next morning without telling anyone, leaving Ricky alone with her pregnancy still unrevealed.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 The Gadget Show In this episode, Ortis Deley, Jason Bradbury, Jon Bentley and Amy Williams are on three continents trying to save the world from bad tech.

8.00 Loch Ness Monster: The Missing Evidence Documentary series investigating conspiracy theories. Does the Loch Ness Monster really exist? This programme looks back over the history of the sightings, considers a variety of theories and explanations and reexamines the available photos and footage using modern technology.

9.00 Gotham The adventures of young detective James Gordon in preBatman Gotham City continue.

10.00 FILM: Harry Brown (2009) Starring Michael Caine. Crime drama.

12.05am Muggings And Mayhem: Caught On Camera Documentary series. Journalist Nick Wallis joins police forces on the road and in the air to reveal how CCTV and technological advances are helping to ensure convictions. 1.05 SuperCasino Live 3.10 Miracle Babies 4.00 Nick’s Quest 4.25 Divine Designs 4.45 House Doctor (x2) 5.35 HouseBusters Louise Bevan

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1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Obese: A Year To Save My Life USA 4.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 Trollied 9.00 Micky Flanagan’s Detour De France 10.00 Arrow 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 1.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2)

7.00pm Don’t Tell The Bride (x2) 9.00 Don’t Tell The Bride Goes Global 10.00 Some Girls. See highlights 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Some Girls 1.00 Sweat The Small Stuff 1.30 People Like Us 2.30 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 3.30 Some Girls

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 Lost Cities Of The Ancients 9.00 Dancing Cheek To Cheek: An Intimate History Of Dance 10.00 Abigail’s Party 11.45 All The Fun Of The Fair: A History Of The British Fairground 12.45am Puppy Love 1.15 Sounds Of The 70s 2

2.45pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 6.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Animals Special 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Tricked: More Favourite Tricks 10.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 Celebrity Juice 11.50 Plebs 12.20am Two And A Half Men (x2)

7.25am Wild At Heart 8.25 Wycliffe 9.30 Judge Judy (x3) 10.50 A Touch Of Frost 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 4.05 Faith In The Future 4.35 French Fields 5.10 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Midsomer Murders 11.00 The Vice 12.05am A Touch Of Frost

3.00pm My Fair Wedding 4.00 Melissa And Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa And Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 Made In Chelsea 10.00 Rude Tube 11.10 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am How I Met Your Mother (x2)

11.05 am Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures 11.25 FILM: SOS Pacific (1960) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.45 Four In A Bed 6.50 Location, Location, Location Australia 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Car S.O.S 10.00 The World’s Most Extreme 11.05 The World’s Biggest Penis 12.05am Car S.O.S

11.00am The House On 92nd Street (1945) 12.50pm White Christmas (1954) 3.10 The Desperadoes (1943) 4.55 The 300 Spartans (1962) 7.15 Bride Wars (2009) 9.00 Man On A Ledge (2012) 11.00 Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991) 1.40am Anton Corbijn, Inside Out 3.25 Close