Latest 7: No. 702

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★ ALBION ★ NEWS ★ FOOD & DRINK ★ ENTERTAINMENT ★ TV GUIDE ★ 28 October – 3 November 2014

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I AM THE PASSENGER The musical global success talks DON DRAPER IN YOUR LIVING ROOM Win Mad Men on Blu-ray

OH YES IT IS! OUR ROUND-UP OF ALL OF THE MUST SEE PANTOS THIS WINTER

CHIC MAGNIFIQUE! The Preloved Designer Sale comes to town

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YOUR GUIDE TO Y L H T N O M LIVING HEALTHY ge 18

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I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES The pure joy of a classic Christmas tale at the Theatre Royal Brighton in Miracle on 34th Street page 15

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L7 CONTENTS

EDITOR’S NOTE

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any of us will have fond memories of panto expeditions from decades past, whether you once went as a child or took children of your own. My own fond memories involve a rogue cousin, who would peel the plastic lids from the tops of single-serving ice cream tubs and fling them from the theatre balcony onto the unsuspecting audience below, hoping to target a shoulder, a lap, or for ultimate bonus points – a bald man’s head.

(Note: The Latest company neither approves of nor endorses this type of behaviour in theatres.

However, you may eat as much ice cream as you like.)

It’s nearly panto season once more, and we’ve got six pages devoted to showcasing Brighton’s best offerings this year, from silly to sardonic, genial to outrageous – see page 22.

There really is something for everyone, and pardon me if I don’t take the opportunity for an

‘oh yes there is!’ segue. There’s plenty of time for that this December.

But before all that ... it’s Halloween this week! Whether you’re carving pumpkins, dishing out treats (or tricks) to little monsters, or donning black crushed velvet robes and evoking the spirits (Brighton was voted ‘the most godless city in the UK in a recent survey, after all), we hope you have a ‘spooktacular’ time. No, I couldn’t resist. We’ve got newly released Halloween DVDs up for grabs in this week’s competition, see page 14 for details.

We’ve lots from Sport, Latest TV, Theatre Royal Brighton, Entertainment News, an interview with chart-topping Passenger, the monthly Wave World featurette and much more too, so get stuck in.

Louise Bevan, Editor Note to readers: the Latest would like to apologise unreservedly to Brices Estate Agents for the errors in their recruitment advertisement of last week.

Email your comments to editorial@thelatest.co.uk or visit us online at thelatest.co.uk

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Wednesday 29 October 2014 Cabaret Bar presents: Cocos Lovers + Hot Feet + Magic Lantern Doors 8pm, £6 adv / £8 on the door

Managing Director Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Creative Director Andrew Kay Latest Homes Commercial Manager Patrick Kneath

LATEST 7/HOMES Entertainment & Production Editor Victoria Nangle Advertising Manager Rachel Simm Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Design Jason Weaver Kyle Moon

22 WEBSITE & IT

Editor Louise Bevan Sub Editor Laura Gooch Staff writers Jo Brooks Brian Mitchell Joseph Nixon Lynn Ruth Miller

05 Latest People Eastbourne Schools Partnership; Upstream Creative; Eastbourne Jobs Hub 06 Latest News Headlines with Frank le Duc, Tim Ridgway, and B&H City Council leader Jason Kitcat 09 Latest Sport Jules Breach quizzes the TV sports team 10 Brighton Lights Lynn Ruth Miller courts disaster; Richard Shayler’s losing sleep; Guy Lloyd’s a ‘cool dad’ 12 Bare Cheek It’s a bizarre trip down memory lane 13 Celeb City Acronyms everywhere! NYC, RYCA, and more ...

14 Kay Town Andrew Kay is crying out for casserole 14 Competitions Win Hallowe’en DVDs, and Mad Men on Blu-ray 15 Theatre Royal Brighton Welcoming a Miracle on 34th Street 15 Pre-loved Designer Sale The treasure trove of high-end bargains comes to town this week 19 Wave World Monthly health, beauty and wellbeing guide 22 ‘Oh, yes they are!’

The best pantos in town this festive season 28 Hotlist Restaurants, cafes and takeaway listings 29 Cook It! Food For Friends do justice to vegetables 30 Reviews; Brighton Writes Tony Law; Spandau Ballet; Vanessa Austin Locke is all wrapped up in maps 31 Interview Mike Rosenberg of Passenger, on the wild ride 32 Entertainment News What’s on for stage, film, comedy, art & music in your city 36 Brighton Writes Andrew Bullock’s back in Chelsea; The Bored Gamers discuss losing ... badly 37 TV Listings Seven days of TV listings

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Thursday 30 October 2014 Rachael Dadd + Rozi Plain + Emam Gatrill Doors 8pm, £10 LATEST GROUP

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this week> Wed 29 Skeptics in the Pub – Brighton Welcome to the home page of Skeptics in the Pub 8pm £2 Cabaret Bar Cocos Lovers + Hot Feet + Magic Lantern 8pm £6 adv/£8 door Thurs 30 Rachael Dadd + Rozi Plain + Emam Gatrill 8pm £10

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PEOPLE

Eastbourne Schools Partnership; Upstream Creative’s ‘Got Good Shop’; Eastbourne Jobs Hub EASTBOURNE SCHOOLS PARTNERSHIP LAUNCHES AT EASTBOURNE WISH TOWER The newly formed Eastbourne Schools Partnership held a photoshoot to promote a Charity Busking Day and Charity Concert taking place on Saturday 4 October.

The launch was held at the Wish Tower, Eastbourne. The Schools Partnerships sees Sussex Downs College team up with local schools to offer creative opportunities to young people. The busking event will be raising funds for St Wilfrid’s Hospice, the local charity providing quality end of life care.

UPSTREAM CREATIVE: GOT GOOD SHOP Upstream Creative are Becky and Vanessa Salmon – two sisters, both fashion stylists with a love of art, illustration and a passion for joining forces with creative talent.

Following the success of their last pop-up, Where Are You Mr Tucker?, the pair were excited to host another pop-up this summer, Got Good Shop at the Fishing Quarter Gallery on Brighton seafront. From 13 August to 9 September, they hosted a successful pop-up shop and Aladdin’s cave with an established collective of artists, illustrators and product designers.

They had some brilliant artists on board: Mr Bingo, Dan Locke, Graham Carter, Droog79, BobCool, Josie Sullens, Dupenny, GL-F, Luke Drozd and Lizz Lunney to name a few. Plus, they offered manicures from Topshop Beauty experts. Here’s hoping it was the second of many! See www.upstreamcreative.co.uk for more.

Ann Gillard & Sara-Jane Williams (The People Matter Trust) and Zoe Burns (BHT Eastbourne Advice)

Jake Ford and Samantha Ackhurst

Marie Skinner, Angela Wooller and Nick Ludford (all Sussex Downs College) with Stephen Lloyd MP Guests at the Eastbourne Jobs Hub launch

DOING IT THE EASTBOURNE WAY Eastbourne Jobs Hub, a new service for people looking to get back into work or boost their skills and change career path, launches at Eastbourne Library.

Eastbourne Jobs Hub is officially open for business after its successful launch party on Thursday 25 October. The new permanent hub, based at Eastbourne Library on Grove Road, welcomed its partners: Eastbourne Borough Council and Sussex Downs College, and local training providers including the Chamber, the Federation of Small Businesses, Job Centre Plus and employers, to the event.

Stephen Lloyd MP and founding partners including Cobb Digital were also in attendance.

Eastbourne Jobs Hub is a one-stop shop for people looking for a new career. It enables businesses to put their services directly in front of the people who need it, via the hub at Eastbourne Library and an online presence on LoveEastbourneJobs.com.

Eastbourne Jobs Hub is for people of all ages and current position, as manager Rachel Parsons explains: “It’s not just for people who are looking for work and have been out of work for a long time; it’s for young people looking for a first job.

It’s for semi-retired people who are bored at home. It’s for people looking for university degrees, MBAs. There is support there for employers as well – if you need help with apprenticeships, you want to grow your workforce, you want to build skills in your existing workforce – this is what Eastbourne Jobs Hub is here to help with.”

Tim Cobb, of Cobb Digital, adds: “Three things you get here at Eastbourne Jobs Hub is help with

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writing back-to-job descriptions, free interview rooms provided, and CVs vetted for you by the team. They can even sit in on your interview panel. It’s a great service for busy employers and it’s free of charge.”

For those still unsure of how Eastbourne Jobs Hub can help if they’ve been long-term unemployed, Stephen Lloyd gave a passionate speech at the launch, saying: “It’s not that long-term unemployed people don’t want to work. It’s not because they don’t have the skills and the talent. If you’re out of work for a long time, something goes inside. It just does. I know that from my own experience.” Eastbourne Jobs Hub aims to restore people’s confidence and boost people’s self-respect. Mr Lloyd continued: “We are doing inspirational things [in Eastbourne], and that’s such a privilege to be involved with. Rebecca, the team and the partners have all come together to actually raise the game even further. To do it the Eastbourne way even more.”

To find out more, visit the Eastbourne Jobs Hub at Eastbourne Library, Monday to Wednesday 10am-4.30pm, Thursday 10am6.30pm and Friday 10.30am-4.30pm.

Alternatively visit www.loveeastbourne jobs.com/resourceRebecca Parsons (Manager, Eastbourne Jobs Hub) centre

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LATEST BRIGHTON & HOVE NEWS

Brighton and Hove City Council leader Jason Kitcat on the NHS today The NHS today has been through huge change since the vision was first set out in the post-war years. Successive governments have introduced key changes to the system, which have seen markets and competition embedded at the heart of the English NHS. Unfortunately, previous and current governments have embedded this in national legislation. At the moment councils and GPs responsible for delivering health services have to put most contracts out for competitive bids from ‘any willing provider’, rather than being able to opt for the local NHS by default. In some places, this has seen health companies stepping in to make profit out of local people’s health.

We’d prefer to see public services provided by local notfor-profit providers. For example, as a city we agreed that we need to move more towards helping people get off drugs and alcohol, and back into the community, rather than just reducing the harm caused. Under the rules, this revised service then had to be re-commissioned from scratch.

An NHS Trust and a range of local charities already involved came out top in the bidding process – including being rated highly by people who use the service – so we’ve agreed to give them the contract. While it’s a change from the local Sussex NHS to Surrey NHS being involved, the reality is that under government legislation, NHS Trusts have been forced into competing on each other’s patches to win contracts and run services.

The current system ties councils, doctors and the NHS into a complicated system of contracts and competition, instead of just letting them get on with providing local services.

This is why we put a motion to council calling for the national legislation to be overturned so that the NHS gets the funding and support it needs to deliver better health locally.

FRANK LE DUC

THE VOTE

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Watchdog offers prescription to ensure Brighton and Hove patients leave hospital more quickly and comfortably

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health watchdog has urged hospital bosses to improve the way that patients are discharged from Brighton’s busiest hospital.

Healthwatch Brighton and Hove said that it had received information suggesting that “some people were leaving the Royal Sussex County Hospital through a discharge process that was rushed and in some cases incomplete”.

As a result, Healthwatch surveyed 43 people with some recent experience, with a particular focus on carers and people with mental health issues. In a report which was published last week it said that it also interviewed key people from all of the services involved, visited the discharge lounge and drew from additional research by community groups.

It said: “Our volunteers found the discharge lounge to be small and outdated for the scale of service it provides. The new building, which is scheduled to be complete by 2019, should alleviate a lot of longer-term environmental problems. However, there were a range of issues which should be addressed more immediately.

“Regarding care and attention during the discharge, multidisciplinary teams were praised for keeping all staff members well informed about patients’ changing situations.

“Many people felt vulnerable and disorientated as they were leaving hospital and found that new information was hard to absorb. It was noted by key staff members and patients that the hospital discharge booklet was scarcely used and that patients’

Watch The Vote on

Many people felt vulnerable and disorientated as they were leaving hospital main concerns when leaving hospital were around retaining important information and how they will manage at home.

“When people experienced delays they were most commonly due to waiting for medication or patient transport. In a recent review, staff had suggested that if a patient is likely to be discharged the next day, doctors could write up their prescriptions early to allow the pharmacy to prepare the medication on time.

Increased pharmacy hours were also suggested.

“A number of steps are already being introduced to improve waiting times for hospital transport. The hospital has put on a small service to relieve patient transport in times of high demand and adult social care is

on Freeview channel 8, • LATEST 7 06 www.thelatest.co.uk •

introducing a scheme for paid carers to collect the people they care for.

“The information we have gathered indicates that, despite often positive staff intentions, the systems that allow fast hospital discharge are impacting on the quality of patient experience and their likelihood of returning to hospital in the near future.

“There appears to be a widening gap between what the hospital’s discharge policy states and what is happening on the ground in the day-to-day life of the hospital. A more person-centred approach would adjust this to ensure people feel prepared and happy to leave hospital.”

The report contains 11 recommendations, with responses from Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals NHS Trust which runs the Royal Sussex. One of the recommendations urges the trust to “address issues around patient dignity and hot water availability in the discharge lounge”.

The trust said: “The hot water availability is currently in the hands of our Maintenance Department and (we) hope to have that resolved soon. Patient dignity is always in the forefront of our care in the lounge. We have a clothes cupboard which is stocked with items kindly donated by staff, relatives and previous patients, and wards will use the donations to ensure patients are dressed if they have no clothing with them before arriving in the lounge.

“We undertake daily audits, and have done for some years, which have shown a great improvement in the amount of patients leaving hospital dressed. Patients who are not dressed, or do not have accesses to clothing do come to the lounge, and we ensure that they are suitably dressed to ensure we protect their dignity at all times.”

Trust Chief Executive Matthew Kershaw touched on the subject in a recent message to staff. He mentioned ten high-impact schemes to help manage the pressure on the Accident and Emergency (A&E) Department. He said that one involved “strengthening our Rapid Discharge Team presence at the front doors to help reduce the number of patients admitted, and start discharge planning sooner”.

channel 159 or at thelatest.tv

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Watch The News on Freeview channel 8,

N channel 159 or at thelatest.tv

Kirsty Pollard: Explore more with Seattle this autumn

TIM RIDGWAY

LATEST NEWS

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This week’s headlines from across the city was despite the area being known as Ropetackle for hundreds of years.

More than 1,000 people signed a petition calling for the name to be restored. But the company are showing no signs of backing down. They have now submitted a planning application for permission to make the change.

A decision is expected in the coming months. And residents we spoke to were very much split on the issue.

SEVEN DIALS Works to make the notorious junction near Brighton Station were complete last year. At the cost of nearly £1 million it didn't come cheap – and early figures show it has done exactly what it set out to do.

But locals in the Seven Dials area are far from happy with the changes. Some claim it is leading to increased anti-social behaviour, other more eagle-eyed locals have reported that parts of the kerb are already breaking up under the strain of heavy lorries.

It’s hardly the advertisement that advocates of the scheme were looking for.

CAR BREAK INS Motorists are being urged to be on their guard after a spate of car break ins across the city.

Year on year figures show that there has been a 70% rise in the number of incidents – with more than 80 incidents alone reported in the east of the city.

Police chiefs urged residents to be on their guard - and not make it easy for crooks by leaving their cars unlocked.

NAMING SAGA The Ropetackle naming saga is rumbling on. Owners of the building in Shoreham caused outrage earlier this year when they renamed the building Basepoint overnight. This

DOME SUCCESS A revamp of historic city venues will put the city on the world stage. That’s what a new £6 million grant to revamp the city's Dome complex will do, according to council leaders.

The funding from Arts Council England will be used to upgrade the existing venues both in front and behind the scenes, as well as creating a new creation space.

CURRIED AWAY We all know that Brighton and Hove is full of the spice of life. And the city’s curry houses are feeding the hunger for tasty treats. So much so that it has been voted the runner-up in the Britain’s best curry award.

Next year, we’ll beat Bradford to the overall crown ...

THRIFTY STUDENTS Now, like it or not, Brighton and Hove is a city full of students.

And our cohort of undergrads are among the thriftiest in the country.

When Latest TV’s Mhairi Beveridge took to the streets to find out some money saving tips, she was surprised at some of the suggestions.

Marina Life

TEDX-CITED TEDx Brighton is nearly here. On Friday, people of all ages will gather in the Brighton Dome Concert Hall to share knowledge.

The title of this year’s TEDx Brighton is ‘Many Hands’ organisers claim they will be exploring ideas around connectivity, convergence and community.

With speakers such as crime author Peter James and Sam Roddick, I'm sure it will be interesting - and our cameras will have the best of the action.

ROLLING BACK THE YEARS 1 The world’s longest running motoring event will return to Brighton’s seafront this weekend.

The 118th Veteran Car Run will see 500 vehicles created before 1905 complete a 60 mile journey from London to the south coast.

It really is a superb spectacle – get down on Sunday to check it out.

ROLLING BACK THE YEARS 2 Speaking of old vehicles, last week our crews had the amazing experience of meeting the team looking to restore a little bit of the city’s transport heritage.

The Brighton 53 Tram Society came together to preserve an old carriage. At the moment, as it’s sheltered in a countryside shed, it may not seem much. But those behind it are confident the vehicle will back up and running on the city’s seafront in a matter of months. I can’t wait...

OPENING SHOW Plans have been unveiled to open a theatre in a former Brighton nightclub. Treason Show star Mark Brailsford is reportedly one of those involved in the plans to transform the venue on Dyke Road. But, with a plethora of places for people to choose from already, it does beg the question: are there too many theatres in the city? Those people we spoke certainly didn’t think so ...

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here better to be to explore the vibrant life Brighton has to offer than at the Hotel Seattle? Uniquely located on the Waterfront, this is a contemporary hotel with a big personality! Close enough to enjoy the fun, far enough to get away and relax from it all. Brighton has more than enough of everything, so you can make your time as sophisticated or fun filled, cultured or relaxed as you like.

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When it is time to relax, there’s a fantastic array of cafés, bars and restaurants to tempt you from around the globe, with quirky shops and a range of sporting venues and activities. Try your hand at roulette at the Rendezvous Casino, score a strike at Bowlplex, or catch up with the latest movie at Cineworld!

Hotel Seattle has some great offers this autumn, whether you want to take a mid-week break or grab some time away at the weekend; one or two night breaks with breakfast and dinner included on one night, or ‘Lazy Sundays’ – stay on Saturday and don’t leave until you have enjoyed breakfast and Sunday lunch. How about a 50/50 offer? Just spend £50 on food and drink in the restaurant and get your bedroom for £50.

Check out the Hotel Seattle this autumn!

Call us on 01273 679799 or book online at www.hotelseattlebrighton.com Kirsty Pollard, Brighton Marina’s Marketing and Events Manager kirsty.pollard@x-leisure.co.uk www.brightonmarina.co.uk

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MEET THE TEAM

Get sásta Manraj Singh, Owner of sásta Brighton fitness studio, guarantees you’ll drop a clothes size or two before Christmas!

Who’re the brains (and brawn) behind the Latest Sport team, then? Jules Breach divulges all ...

ey everyone! I hope you’ve been enjoying all the brilliant sporting action over the last seven days? This week we are building up to some exciting events at the end of October, so we thought it would be nice if we introduced our whole team to you, as you’re going to be seeing a lot more of our faces on Latest TV! Plus, I talk about this lot here in the mag every week, so it would be rude not to get to know us all a bit more. So, just for you, it’s time to meet the Latest Sport presenting team ...

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Name: Jules Breach.

Nickname: ‘Breachy’, ‘Monica’ (because I’m ridiculously organised like Monica from Friends).

Favourite sport: Tennis/football.

Favourite sports person: Stevie G, Roger Federer, and David Beckham.

Dream job: To present court side at Wimbledon or pitch side at Anfield, or to interview Becks, preferably whilst he’s modelling his underwear range.

Best day on Latest Sport so far: When I was told I look better ‘off camera’ by a punter. Haha, no, that would've been the other end of the scale. Cheers!

Favourite food: Cheese and meat.

All varieties, all at the same time.

Favourite films: Dumb & Dumber, Liar Liar, The Notebook.

Favourite band: The one and only Backstreet Boys.

Describe yourself in three words: Small, silly and positive.

Name: Tatiana Aversa Sanchez.

Nickname: ‘Rama’.

Favourite sport: Tennis.

Favourite sports person: Roger Federer.

Dream job: Presenting for Latest TV! Best day on Latest Sport so far: Oh there’s no question – it has to be Joseph’s Birthday on Matchday Breakfast, doesn’t it?

Favourite food: Being half Italian, I love a good plate of pasta! (My mother would frown upon me.)

Favourite films: Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit.

Favourite band: Destiny’s Child were my favourite growing up.

Describe yourself in three words: Loyal, hard-working and ambitious (my mum just told me ‘annoying’, too!).

Name: Joseph Gunn.

Nickname: ‘The Gunn Show’.

Favourite sport: Wrestling.

Favourite sports person: The Rock.

Dream job: Gary Lineker’s.

Best day on Latest Sport so far: Riding a helicopter over Tulley’s Farm.

Favourite food: Pizza.

Favourite film: Commando.

Favourite band: David Bowie … (and his band).

Describe yourself in three words: THE GUNN SHOW! Name: Tim Embleton.

Nickname: ‘Timbletoes’.

Favourite sport: Football.

Favourite sports person: Sir Bobby Robson and Brian Clough.

Dream job: TV presenter!

Watch Latest Sport on

on Freeview channel 8,

ike many of sásta’s clients, I have struggled to control my weight.

As a child, being overweight greatly affected me and it was only when I began to diet and exercise as a teenager that my confidence grew.

Fitness has now become my way of life.

Opening the first UK sásta weight loss, fitness and health studio at Brighton Marina means I can now help others to get in the best shape of their lives with encouragement and positivity.

It is important for me to help people who are overweight and reduce their chances of long term illnesses, and the sásta concept is ideal for this. Delivered in a small, non-intimidating environment, sásta enables them to achieve far more powerful results than a standard gym or weight loss programme.

We opened a few weeks ago and already we are helping our clients achieve amazing results. The five components of sásta combine a unique vacuum fitness pod, which aids fat burn and toning, with a delicious low GL meal plan and body sculpting programming. Our one to one personal trainers, who monitor progress with weekly weigh-ins, are committed to motivating clients to achieve a healthy lifestyle change in a fun way.

L Best day on Latest Sport so far: Entering Paddle Round The Pier with Joseph on our amazing raft.

Favourite food: Any curry that makes my mouth go numb.

Favourite film: Jaws.

Favourite band: There is no favourite band, only favourite music.

Describe yourself in three words: Bald and beardy.

Name: Jay Legate.

Nickname: ‘The Host’.

Favourite sport: Basketball.

Favourite sports person: Lebron James, because it’s fun to say his name by firing the word ‘Lebron!’ out of the side of my mouth, no?

Just me? Ok then.

Dream job: Working for HBO on Game of Thrones.

Best day on Latest Sport so far: Filming a giant corn maze from a helicopter, which was also the day I met Jules. But it was all about the helicopter, not meeting Jules, obviously. Sorry Jules.

Favourite food: All of it.

Favourite film: Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, no question.

Favourite bands: Boys II Men, Jodeci – I know they’re long gone, but still in our hearts!

Describe yourself in three words: Not enough words.

Til next week sports fans!

Jules Breach X

Follow me: @julesysowa

channel 159 or at thelatest.tv

• LATEST 7 09 www.thelatest.co.uk •

Clients come in by appointment and the short 30 minute walk or run in the fitness pod appeals to busy people.

The pod is suitable for weights up to 31 stone which means clients of all shapes, sizes and ages can increase their fitness at rates they would not have dreamed of before.

The word sásta means ‘satisfied’ in Gaelic, and we are so confident of our clients’ satisfaction that we offer free trials and a guarantee that, if they don’t drop a clothes size within four weeks, they will receive a full money refund!

Get sásta today by calling me on 01273 610660 to book your FREE TRIAL. sásta Fitness, Unit 8 Mermaid Walk, The Waterfront, Brighton Marina, BN2 5WA

010-011_LS702_brighton lights_LR_GL_011_LS466_interview 23/10/2014 11:33 Page 2

L7 BRIGHTON LIGHTS Watch Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv…

OH MY GOD! Lynn Ruth Miller on dealing (or not) with disaster t is always something … and that something terrorises us.

In Britain, we are all petrified of spiders, and the strongest among us get queasy when we look down from a high place.

If we are planning suicide, we much prefer to hang ourselves or swallow poison: it isn’t as scary.

All of us can feel our blood pressure rise when we hear what is happening to the ozone layer, even though not one of us has ever seen it or really knows what it is.

We were warned that greater exposure to ultra violet rays has caused a rise in melanomas to eat away our skin, even as it blinds innocent fish and little bunnies. Every educated person worries that our deserts are expanding and we are going to dry out, if we are not completely cooked by global warming or drowned by the melting glaciers first. Worse, the air has become so polluted that if anyone dares to take a deep breath these days, he will die. Now it’s the Ebola virus that is seeping in from Africa and will kill every one of us within moments. What next?!

I have lived through it all, and I can testify that all of it is smoke and mirrors. My mother believed that the Russians created the Asian Flu epidemic, and I believed she was the cause of all my cavities. My sister blamed my mother for making her so fat, and my mother blamed my father when the car stalled.

All of us are afraid that we won’t have enough money to take care of ourselves until we die, and now that we all live longer, we are stashing funds into retirement accounts, under mattresses and behind the furnace just in case we have the bad luck to live to be 110.

The truth is that all the fuss about organic foods is spoiling dinner. I am sorry if the beef I eat was taken from viciously murdered cows, and I feel terrible for the spinach soaked in nasty insecticides so it wouldn’t look like green Swiss cheese when it arrived at the table. If am going to worry that the vegetables in my salad had an unhappy childhood or the cream I rub on my face is nothing but wax, I am not going to have time to go dancing.

Hooray for caring about our environment. Hooray for doing our best to clean up the air and return to real food instead of the genetically modified, tasteless fakes the supermarkets give us. Hooray, too, for medical advances that protect us from epidemics. I believe in doing our best to do our best for ourselves now … and dealing with disaster when it happens. If the coward dies 1,000 deaths and the hero dies but one, I want to be a hero.

“Only when we are no longer afraid Do we begin to live.”

- Dorothy Thompson

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LATESTWRITES

LYNN RUTH MILLER

I believed my mother was the cause of all my cavities ...

Watch Brighton Lights at 7pm on

BlackRoosterBlackShag

NOT A WINK Richard Shayler is losing sleep ... nervously open my eyes, hoping and hoping it’s not dark outside my blind. Rats, it is. OK, well it can’t be too early? Double rats, it is! Can I get up this early? No, best not.

If I have breakfast now I’ll only be hungry again by 9am, and then all my meals will be out of sync. Off I go to sleep again.

Well, I say sleep … it’s more like excitable day (or in this case night) dreaming.

Since I can remember, this has been the bedtime story of my life. I hate sleeping, with a passion. It’s so boring. You’ve nothing to do except dream of things that will never happen, make weird noises of prehistoric proportions and of course, pass wind. I especially hate the smell of sleep. A stuffy mix of carpet, pyjamas and bad ventilation. If I had one wish in the world it would be to never have to sleep. We’d all get so much more done! Schubert would have finished that last symphony, Chaucer would have completed his Canterbury

I

on Freeview channel 8, • LATEST 7 10 www.thelatest.co.uk •

Tales, and, of course, the hare would finally get the better of that sneaky tortoise!

You see, it’s because I get excited. I can’t stop thinking about all the fun things I’m going to be doing the next day. I think about all the great people I’m going to be seeing and all the interesting things I’m going to be filming.

The best thing about my job is the variety. One day I’ll be visiting Glyndebourne opera house with Lynn Ruth Miller. The next I’ll be sampling delicious white wines with Guy Lloyd at The Albourne Estate. I often stop in surprise and think to myself, “Am I getting paid to do this?!”

However, it may all sound like plain sailing, but I assure you it isn’t. That’s what’s also fun. You’re constantly on your toes looking for that great shot. Time is always a factor ... as well as the weather.

You might want to get a shot with the sun in a certain position and you’ve only got a couple of minutes to set up and get it. And if you don’t, let’s just say that voices are raised! Also, pressing

channel 159 or at thelatest.tv

010-011_LS702_brighton lights_LR_GL_011_LS466_interview 23/10/2014 11:34 Page 3

FREEVIEW

Watch Brighton Lights every night on

Channel 8

Channel 159

thelatest.tv

Watch Brighton Lights every night on Latest tv…

DADDY COOL Guy Lloyd on the transition from superhero to (potentially) un-cool parent



LATESTWRITES Guy Lloyd with Dolly Rocket and Heather Irquit

GUY LLOYD y son has gone to big school. He’s over the terrifying period, he’s made some friends and he’s settled in. I still take him in the car but he makes sure I drop him off a safe distance from the school gate, and we now ‘bro fist’ instead of hug, and off he goes into the day job. We’re still close, but times are a-changing.

He’s 11, going on 16.

In describing my current relationship with my son, I would say I am on the cusp of being a dad that is not cool. As any parent will tell you, your kids think you’re a god when they’re young (between 0-5), then they enter a phase where they try to have adult conversations with you, which is beautiful and loving, but also hilarious (try to laugh behind their backs rather than in front of them, to minimise any self-esteem issues).

You also find common ground with shared interests. In our case, it’s football and Larry David’s, Curb Your Enthusiasm. But as they edge towards double figures you can feel the independent streak coming through, and your role as a parent diminishes. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, this was best displayed by my son switching from Spurs (my lifelong love) to Chelsea (I’m not so keen).

M the record button is extremely important. Make that mistake once and you’ll never make it again, trust me.

This week, Lynn will be talking to the Brighton Early Music Festival Director Deborah Roberts, and photographer Julia Horbaschk. We’ve got Ebu Torre telling us all about the fantastic Black History Month. Shirley Jaffe will be talking to us about what it was like to be an actress from the fifties. Heather Irquirt, Joanna Neary and Dolly Rocket will be keeping Guy on his toes about all things comedy and cabaret. And last but not least, we’ve got the marvellous BlackRoosterBlackShag as our resident band for the week.

Don’t forget to tune in every Wednesday to Saturday at 7pm, on Freeview Channel 8, Virgin Media Channel 159, or live online at www.thelatest.tv.

It’s so good you’ll lose sleep over it. Well, I know I will!

Follow me: @latestrichard

Watch Brighton Lights at 7pm on

We now ‘bro fist’ instead of hug Despite this, every now and again you get a little glimmer of hope; a feeling that all may not be lost, and that your son still looks up to you as some sort of modern day superhero.

We had such a moment l ast week. As part of being the ‘cool set’ at school, my son and his friends have started to share music. They’ll get together in breaks (not play time, as I keep calling it) and

on Freeview channel 8, • LATEST 7 11 www.thelatest.co.uk •

share music from their phones.

My son has my old iPhone, with some of my favourite artists and albums still on there, and when he came back from school last week and said that he’d been listening to my playlist, I feared another Chelsea moment.

But I need not have panicked, as these precious words came out of his mouth; “Hey Dad, I really like Stone Roses and Sugarhill Gang.” After more chat, I discovered he also likes Jay-Z and Gorillaz, and he loved ‘Don’t Look Back In Anger’ by Oasis. I’ve still got it, and I’m still a cool dad.

Thank god he didn’t scroll down to Q for Quo.

Follow me: @guy_lloyd

channel 159 or at thelatest.tv

012_LS702_barecheek_011_LS466_interview 23/10/2014 10:04 Page 2

LATESTWRITES

BARE CHEEK Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column



SIMULATED VIDEO SHOP TO OPEN IN HOVE

MICROSOFT WORD MEMORIES CELEBRITIES SHARE THEIR REMINISCENCES OF THE WORD PROCESSING PROGRAM...

THIS WEEK: POP PHILOSOPHER ALAIN DE BOTTON

A recent report has found that, with the closure of most of Britain's video shops, people are missing the experience of going out to hire a DVD. With this in mind, a simulated video shop has opened on Western Road in Hove, on the site of the old ‘Video Box’.

The shop, ‘Virtual Video’, offers a totally realistic DVD-hiring experience, right down to the bargain bin of Jackie Chan clunkers, expensive family sized bags of Revels and tubs of Haagen Dazs, and slightly over-friendly man in a t-shirt with beard and piercings behind the counter.

Upon entering the shop, the ‘customer’ is told to request a recent movie. He is then told that all copies are out before being made to choose between an Adam Sandler film that has been badly reviewed, a Korean horror movie he has never heard of, and Semi Tough, the 1977 American football Burt Reynolds comedy.

For an extra fee, an employee will pretend to be the sexual partner of the customer, and the two can enact a thirty-five minute discussion/argument about which DVD to get, ending in a screaming, knock-down row, and the decision to get out (with bad grace) The Big Lebowski again.

“It was great,” said Seven Dials resident Terry Presley, exiting the shop. “I'd completely forgotten what a wonderfully mind-numbing and excruciating business getting a DVD out was. I've just spent an hour and ten minutes in there desperately searching for something I've not even a 5% interest in watching. In the end I gave up, and just decided to get Semi Tough again, only to be told that actually it was out and someone had put the box back on the rack by mistake. Genius. Right, I'm off home now to download the new Star Wars film off Pirate Bay.”

“Hey, remember that giant paperclip with the googly eyes who’d pop up and say ‘Looks like you’re trying to write a letter’?

Jesus, was that guy a pain in the ass!

Listen bub, maybe I am trying to write a letter – and maaaybe it’s no goddamn business of yours! What was all that about eh?”

NEXT WEEK: Sprinter Usain Bolt on his difficulties with the cut/paste function.

THE BARE CHEEK AWARD FOR OUTSTANDING CONTRIBUTION TO THE BETTERMENT OF ALL HUMANKIND This week, our award for outstanding contribution to the betterment of all humankind goes to ...

GREGGS THE BAKERS … for the simple and ingenious innovation of applying thin sheets of polythene to the tops of their iced fingers prior to bagging, thereby preventing the previously all-too-common occurrence of the paper cleaving to the icing and, on removal, stripping the bun bare, leaving what is, in effect, a plain bread roll.

Follow us: @MitchellnNixon

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Call Ruth or Stella on 01273 687171. Or email bookings@thelatest.co.uk • LATEST 7 12 www.thelatest.co.uk •

013_LS702_celebcity_011_LS466_interview 23/10/2014 12:12 Page 3

CELEB CITY



with Jo Brooks SPONSORED BY

Street art in NYC; celebrity spotting in central Brighton; RYCA at ink_d galley REBEL ART Midweek, we jetted off to the Big Apple for the debut of a new collection of work by the brilliant street artist Nick Walker. The show, ‘All I Ever Wanted Was My Name On Fire’, included 18 new and original canvasses by the artist whose intricate stencil work is truly awesome.

Nick emerged from the now infamous Bristol graffiti scene of the 1980s, and his signature character, the bowler-hatted 'Vandal' – who creates his art on the street while camouflaged as a pin-stripe suit wearing gent – can be seen on walls all over the world.

Nicks global recognition has led to his work being featured in film and video, including Stanley Kubrick's Eyes Wide Shut and the video for ‘I Gotta Feelin' by The Black Eyed Peas.

Have you celeb Nick has also spotted a ty? collaborated with ci e th in Royal Doulton on a comment .uk .co limited edition 3D @thelatest sculpture (pictured) which will go on sale in January 2015.

The gallery on Broome Street in NYC's Nolita district was filled to the roof with press, fans and collectors at the private view as everyone clamoured to meet and congratulate Nick. Among the crowd was British actor Sean Pertwee, who is in New York working on the Fox network’s new show Gotham. Sean, a huge art enthusiast and gallery irst up, we headed down to the opening of 8Forever, the new solo owner, stars in the series as butler show by Ryan Callanan, AKA RYCA at Brighton's coolest art gallery, Alfred Pennyworth, an ex-marine Ink_d. Ryan's list of fans and collectors include Kasabian and hard man from the East End who Russell Brand and fellow alias-toting superstar DJ Fatboy Slim. loyally serves the young Bruce Norman came along to the opening to see the new work, and after what Wayne – has been a busy summer of festivals and Ibiza gigs, it was great to see the boy who will eventually Fatboy back in town. become Batman.

The pair have collaborated before, and Norman had the following to say about his artist partner in crime: “Ryan and I share the same fascinations, iconicisms and reference points. We've probably slept with the same women too ....” The show runs until 9 November at Ink_d on North Road: www.ink-d.co.uk

IN WITH THE NEW

F

Sean brought along another star of the crime series, Erin Richards who plays Barbara Kean, the fiancee of James Gordon in the hit show.

SPOTTED! Brilliant broadcaster, writer and actor, and star of Radio 4's News Quiz, Sandi Toksvig (OBE) outside Jubilee Library in the North Laine.

Follow me: latestcelebcity Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

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• LATEST 7 13 www.thelatest.co.uk •

22 New Road Brighton BN1 1UF

014_LS702_kay_comps_011_LS466_interview 22/10/2014 17:34 Page 2



LATESTWRITES

ANDREW KAY SPONSORED BY

Bardsley’s Fish & Chips

he spider garrison that I call my home ... yes, they are multiplying in numbers, or at least it would seem so. Perhaps it is just that they are getting fatter as they demolish the fruit fly population generated by the grapevine at my back door – god, where was I, those spiders are dominating my life! Oh yes, home. I simply love being at home this time of year.

Perhaps the drop in temperature is the reason why; that need to nest. It’s certainly something to do with cooking all those delicious ingredients that have appeared in the shops – and working on my TV show Cook It! has revitalised my interest in that.

So much so that on Sunday, with no firm plans, I had

T

HOME ON THE RANGE As winter draws in I crave a big casserole breakfast and decided that I would make a big pasty for my lunch.

How does one define big?

I suppose it should be based on need; the need for it to be big enough to feed the number of people eating. Well, of course now I live alone, for the most part that number is one. Cooking for one. I just cannot do it.

I remember, years ago, buying a friend the Delia Smith book Cooking For One as a Christmas gift. He opened it and tears came to his eyes. I thought at first that he was moved, or at least that he was disappointed because he already had a copy. I was being insensitive – he was upset because the book clearly defined him as being single, a state that obviously made him very unhappy.

Let me state now that I am not unhappy. Far from it, I am having a pretty good life right now despite all the illness and upset that has beset the Kay family in the last two years. No, I am good with my status – or at least I am until I get into that kitchen and start realising that a lot of the food that I love is simply not possible to make for one.

This is not a cry for jam jars, not a cry for help, not a cry for attention I know I could freeze it, but I only have a tiny ice-box right now, and leftovers can be fun once, even twice, but after that they simply become a bore. I don’t want the same meal four times in a row. Nor do I want to be feeding the world every time I hit the range.

A friend recently offered me a mountain of green tomatoes.

They looked good, all kinds of varieties that I am sure would make a great chutney. I wanted to take them and make that chutney, a big vat of bubbling spicy gloop, simmering its way to setting point and then being ladled into sterile jam jars hot from the oven ... jam jars plural; I live alone so a jar of jam lasts quite some time. So long in fact that it’s pretty hard to avoid the inevitable jammould-issue, and yes, I throw it away. No scraping of fungus off anything since my run in with the raw milk. I might be being overcautious, but I’m not taking any risks.

This is not a cry for jam jars, not a cry for help, not a cry for attention. It’s just a simple reality that cooking for one is a state of mind that I do not occupy, not yet. I still cook my meals. I still shop properly – but I do crave those great big casseroles that fill my heart with joy and my tummy with tasty sustenance.

The pasty? Big enough for four!

Follow me: latestandrew

 COMPETITIONS WIN HALLOWE’EN DVDS With the spookiest night of the year creeping into view, you can indulge the sinister with a double whammy of newly released horror films, Open Grave (released 13 October) and Treehouse (released 20th October). Spine chills a’plenty from the safety of

your living room – under a blanket and behind a cushion too, if you’re so inclined!

We’ve six copies of each film to give away to anyone who can answer this question: The traditional ‘jack o’lantern’ is carved out of which seasonal foodstuff?

WIN ‘MAD MEN’ ON BLU-RAY The stylish, secretive and ruthless world of advertising returns as Mad Men Season 7: Part 1 arrives on DVD and Blu-ray on 3 November, courtesy of Lionsgate Home Entertainment.

Part one of the acclaimed drama’s final season takes place in 1969, and sees Don Draper (Jon Hamm), Peggy Olson (Elisabeth Moss), Roger Sterling (John Slattery) and their fellow advertising executives fighting personal battles while struggling to remain relevant in an everchanging New York City.

We’ve got five copies of the Blu-ray to give away to anyone

who can answer this question: Mad Men’s Sterling Cooper advertising agency is situated on which famous New York street?

Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN, EMAIL competitions@thelatest.co.uk

With the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 10 November 2014.

• LATEST 7 14 www.thelatest.co.uk •

015_LS702_Pre_loved_designer_011_LS466_interview 23/10/2014 16:24 Page 3

L7 COVER STORY

WINTER WARMER

Where’s the love? You might find it at the Theatre Royal Brighton this December

M

iracle on 34th Street, the classic musical based on one of the most popular and best loved Christmas films of all time, will play at the Theatre Royal Brighton from Monday 1 to Wednesday 3 December as part of a UK Tour.

This all singing, all dancing, all snowing production is the perfect treat for all the family. Miracle on 34th Street is the heart warming story of Susan, a young girl who dreams of a father and brother to

make her family whole, and Kris Kringle, a kindly elderly bearded man who claims he is the real Santa Claus. When employed as a Santa at a department store

grotto, Kris quickly spreads a wave of love through New York City, but can he help make Susan’s wish come true?

This dazzling musical adaptation, featuring such all time classics as ‘It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas’, is an uplifting family tale of battling cynicism and learning what it truly means to believe.

Miracle on 34th Street originated as a 1947 motion picture starring Maureen O’Hara, John Payne, Natalie Wood and Edmund Gwenn. The film became a perennial Christmas favourite,

winning three Academy Awards and being nominated for Best Picture.

The stage version, originally entitled Here’s Love, opened on Broadway in 1963. A hugely popular remake of the film was also released in 1994, starring Richard Attenborough as Kris Kringle.

Don’t miss this truly magical production which is sure to capture your heart, when it visits the Theatre Royal Brighton in December. www.atgtickets.com/brighton* 0844 871 7650* (*booking fees apply)

HIGH END, ON A SHOESTRING Bag yourself bespoke pieces at bargain prices when The Preloved Designer Sale comes to town his week sees The Preloved Designer Sale come to Brighton for it’s big autumn/winter sale. If you’ve never been before, you’ve missed a treat!

To explain, it’s a unique concept and one that seems to work really well. They are in town for one week only, and put on a massive weekend sale selling every designer name you can think of. But it’s not end of the line sample or sale stock; they are all individual one off pieces, as the sellers are you!

Everyday people who love clothes, but want to get some money back for the pieces they’ve hardly worn or no longer fit into, and spent a fair few bob on in the first place.

So, for the week before the sale, people simply drop off the clothes they want to sell to the Thistle Hotel and then the following week, they get their cash.

Mulberry mini Bayswater

T

DVF jacket

Sophia Webster shoes

It results in a sale that has earnt a reputation - and quite rightly so – for handpicked, good quality, on trend pieces. Every item is handpicked at collection; they only take high end high street to designer that’s also in good condition. And there’s everything from knitwear and coats to shoes, bags and accessories. With over a thousand pieces, the rails are an A–Z of designers. Think net-aporter but with 70% (or more) off.

Whistles to Westwood, All Saints to Alexander McQueen, Acne, The Kooples, Isabel Marant, Sandro, Prada, D & G, Christian Louboutin and Mulberry – the list goes on – are just a few of the handful of pieces spied on the rails.

Over the years, the Pre-loved team have built up a client base that includes celebrities (Zoe Ball sells regularly with the sale), as well as industry insiders who work for the big fashion houses, so

• LATEST 7 15 www.thelatest.co.uk •

Anya Hindmarch clutch bag

expect a real treasure trove at this weekend’s sale.

The Pre-loved Designer Sale kicks off with a shopping evening on Friday 31 Oct from 6pm–9pm, then all day Saturday 1 Nov from 10am-6pm and Sunday 2 Nov from 11am-4pm at the Thistle Hotel, Kings Road, Brighton. To sell, drop off your items from Tuesday 28 to Thursday 30 Oct, from 10am–5pm. www.preloveddesignersale.co.uk

016_LS702_Wired Sx_Wired Sussex 3-13 24/10/2014 14:49 Page 1

Events Coordinator – Wired Sussex (Brighton & Hove) Front End Web Developer – BozBoz Ltd (Brighton & Hove) SEO Outreach Executive – iCrossing (Brighton & Hove) Lead Web Designer – Study Group (Brighton & Hove) SQL Developer – Rakuten Attribution, was Rakuten DC Storm (Brighton & Hove) Quality Assurance Analyst – The Student Room (Brighton & Hove) Digital Content Editor and Marketing Assistant – Rethink Events (Brighton & Hove) Head of ICT (Support Services) – Windlesham House (Pulborough) Front End Developer – Wild Dog Design (Brighton & Hove)

Health & Well Being Portal – Freelance Web Designer needed to help project manage portal dev’t Front End Graphical Design Freelancer – to improve the look and feel of an API Experienced Developer – Audio/video web app build

Data Visualisation Workshop – Tuesday 28 October, 7.00pm at The Skiff Three Thinkers Business Club – Tuesday 4 November, 6.00pm at Earth & Stars Wired Sussex Members’ Xmas Meetup – Tuesday 2 December, 5.30pm at Above Audio

017_LS702_brightonmusichall_011_LS466_interview 23/10/2014 16:38 Page 2

IT! W O SH

MA D E IN

YOU MAKE IT, W E

NOW BROADCASTING ON FREEVIEW CHANNEL 8 AND VIRGIN MEDIA 159

TON IGH BR

NEEDS YOU! ‘You Make It, We Show It’ is our programme totally devoted to your films. Send all your films, whether they are 20 seconds or 20 minutes, and we will show them on TV. Community group films, what's on films, band videos, Spielberg epics - all welcome!

Please contact: bill@thelatest.co.uk

• LATEST 7 17 www.thelatest.co.uk •

020 LH693 Latest tv ad_Editorial 28/08/2014 17:43 Page 1

DO YOU NEED TO RETUNE YOUR TV? Latest TV launched on 28 August on Freeview Channel 8 and Virgin Media 159 In most cases, you will not need to retune your set to receive Freeview Channel 8, the new local TV channel for your area. If Latest TV did not appear on 28 August and you live in the Brighton & Hove, and Adur & Worthing area, then please follow these instructions for retuning your set.

If you have difficulty then please contact us on 01273 818150 ext.101 or visit http://www.digitaluk.co.uk/howtoretune /retuning_instructions

Full retuning A full retune should only take a few minutes and can be done with your remote control. Here are some guidelines for how to do it, but bear in mind every model of digital TV or box will be a little bit different.

1 Make sure your Freeview TV or box is on and in digital mode, usually by pressing the DTV or digital button on your remote. Then press ‘menu’.

2 Select the ‘set up’ or ‘installation’ option. If you see picture icons, select the tool box, satellite dish or spanner. If you are prompted for a code, try 0000 or 1234.

Channel 8 is the new TV channel across the UK featuring local TV content.

3 Select the full retune option. This is sometimes called ‘first time installation’, ‘factory reset’, ‘default settings’ or ‘shipping conditions’.

Do not select ‘channel update’ or ‘add channels’.

4 Press ‘OK’ if your equipment asks if you want to delete all your channels.

Don’t worry, this is normal.

Channels will automatically be installed.

This may take a few minutes and your equipment may shut down and restart.

019_LS702_waveworldintro_011_LS466_interview 24/10/2014 12:26 Page 1

wave HEALTH

& BEAUTY

MAKING WAVES Wave World: your monthly health, beauty and wellbeing segment

his month in Wave, Jacquie Lane from The College of Naturopathic Medicine answers a reader’s question about nutrition and memory; brand new Brighton jewellery boutique Peculiar Vintage have an incredible competition for L7 readers (see below!) and remember Brighton-based make-up artist Lucy Kamper from the makeover issue two months ago? We caught up with her to collect a few recommendations for cosmetic products as the chilly weather sets in.

All of the products Lucy uses are from a company called Arbonne, and are botanically based and cruelty-free (that means neither the ingredients nor the finished product are tested on animals). We love their skin-nourishing qualities, and they look great too; if you’re a make-up lover, why not treat yourself to something different? Visit www.arbonneinternational.co.uk for more.

T

Intelligence CC Cream

Liquid primer

Eye shadow in Smoke

Lip polish

Lipstick in Scarlet

WEIRD AND WONDERFUL Handmade jewellery with soulful style, at Brighton’s Peculiar Vintage ituated at 36 Baker Street (Brighton, BN1 4JN), this hidden gem is a new gallery and workshop for jewellery aficionados.

To sit alongside Peculiar Vintage’s collections, guest designers have been carefully curated to showcase their talent, and each bring something unique to the table.

Emily Thatcher, Jon Forster, Katie Lees, Tiki and Ware represent homegrown talent, and Abby Carnevale, Eilisain and LAF Atelier are international and exclusive to the gallery. Expect silver, gold, gemstones, alternative bridal and groom pieces, statement pieces and personalised jewellery.

Commissions are also welcome.

The unique selling point of Peculiar Vintage is their affordable jewellery scheme; buying a piece of jewellery that will last generations need not be out of reach. Peculiar Vintage offer instalment payments with jewellery off the shelf worth more than £200. For more information, call 01273 660803 or visit www.peculiarvintage.co.uk

S

As a special HELLO to Latest7 magazine readers, Peculiar Vintage are giving away £150 worth of jewellery in-store to one lucky winner! Simply answer the following question: How many international jewellers are currently guesting at Peculiar Vintage?

To be in with a chance to win, email competitions@thelatest.co.uk with ‘PECULIAR VINTAGE’ in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Friday 7 November 2014. Good luck!

• LATEST 7 19 www.thelatest.co.uk •

000_LS702_CNMWave_FP Ad 24/10/2014 10:18 Page 1

020-021_LS702_CNM_Conway_011_LS466_interview 24/10/2014 15:11 Page 3

DEAR JACQUIE Your queries about natural health answered by Jacquie Lane for the College of Naturopathic Medicine Can nutrition help protect my memory for the long term?

Maintaining a good memory and the slowing down of cognitive decline is something most people want for themselves and their aging relatives.

Many studies have been carried out on increased nutrient status aiding the improvement of memory loss, and increasing cognitive function. One of the many studied nutrients is Omega 3 and its active elements DHA and EPA. You can gain a helpful amount of this very beneficial oil from oily fish like mackerel and salmon, sardines and pilchards, or from non-fish sources like ground flax seeds sprinkled on porridge with walnuts.

The B vitamin group also has some very worthy research behind

it for improving brain activity in dementia patients. Get your fix from whole grains such as brown rice and oats (not the microwave sweetened version) and leafy green vegetables such as kale and spinach, broccoli and Brussel sprouts.

Use seeds, such as pumpkin seeds, for their zinc content: try pumpkin seed butter on gluten free toast or as a dip for carrot and pepper sticks.

Plants contain phytochemicals which act as antioxidants, helping to fight the oxidation of our cells (imagine leaving meat out on the counter for the air to get at it or cutting an apple in half and leaving it uncovered for an hour – that’s oxidation). So eat lots of fresh berries like blackcurrants, blackberries and blueberries. One particular class of phytochemical

HEALTH& BEAUTY is called lycopene, which you get from tomatoes, especially cooked tomatoes.

The active ingredient in green tea, ECGG, may help lower the amount of protein that contributes to the accumulation of damaging plaque in the brain cells. Make sure you get Vitamin E, available in hazelnuts, almonds and green leafy vegetables.

Things to avoid: Nothing damages our cells quite like smoking and excess alcohol. Add to that fried food, too much animal protein and gluten, and you’re really not doing yourself any favours. Sugar and hydrogenated fats from cakes, biscuits and processed foods compound the issue further.

Increase blood flow by extra activity, keep your body and your brain active, learn a language or start a new course of learning.

Nutritional study would be useful!

See your health professional for personal advice.

Attend a FREE Open Evening at CNM Brighton to find out about training with CNM for a career as a Nutritional Therapist.

Visit www.naturopathy-uk.com

wave

Jacquie Lane is both a lecturer and the Director of Studies at CNM, (College of Naturopathic Medicine) in Brighton. Jacquie also runs her own nutrition clinic and manages a biological testing lab specialising in digestive issues. Email Jacquie at: sunshinenutrition@hotmail.co.uk

NLP • HYPNOTHERAPY • LIFE COACHING

the

conway practice

Wave is your essential health, beauty & wellbeing guide, free inside Latest 7

Specialist in Smoking Cessation and Weight Control • Self Esteem

Our next edition is out in November To promote your business in this section call Rachel on 01273 818150 x105 now!

• Anxiety • Phobias

Jonathan Conway Bsc Dip EHPNLP MNCH (acc) NLP Master Practitioner & Coach

(Hypnotherapy)

• Public Speaking • Relationship Difficulties

• Learn Self Hypnosis Help with Emotional problems and Wellbeing

Brighton, Hove, East Sussex & London Practices

01273 540425 • 07956 855027 www.theconwaypractice.co.uk

• LATEST 7 21 www.thelatest.co.uk •

022_027_LS702_Cristmas_Panto_011_LS466_interview 24/10/2014 16:17 Page 1

PANTO-TIME

With Christmas fast approaching, Andrew Kay takes time to present a round-up of the very best seasonal entertainment this winter entitled Jack Frost’s Frozen Christmas, the sequel to Santa Claus the Musical. With live music, this is a perfect opportunity for a festive sing-a-long.

In Eastbourne, famous throughout the region for their much loved pantos, they are presenting Beauty and the Beast. With live music and comedy fun, stunning costumes and glittering sets, the show stars Carley Stenson as Malevolent. She is joined by Tucker and the South’s favourite Dame Martyn Knight, who once again returns due to phenomenal public demand.

In Brighton, the Theatre Royal has for the last few years focused on presenting a hit musical show, and to great effect. Catering for a different audience to the panto crowd, their diversification has given us Rocky Horror, Priscilla, Spamalot, and this year the West End hit One Man, Two Guvnors. Set as it is in Brighton, what could be more appropriate – a full-on romp of a comedy show with live music and songs.

For the adults, Brian Ralph is once again staging one of his outrageously camp and risque ‘alternative’ pantos. Lashings of double (and even treble) entendres, silliness, songs and sauce, The Magical Road to Oz is billed as not for the faint hearted – and you’d better believe it; raucous, riotous and ribald fun.

At The Old Market, all the family can enjoy a trip to Neverland in The Boy That Never Grew Up, a delightful performance with puppets, magic, music and fun. And The Hawth Theatre in Crawley are presenting a reRichard and Famous imagining of

othing brings out the inner child in us better than a pantomime or a Christmas show – and none of that ‘Oh no they don’t!’ nonsense; they most certainly do.

So now we’ve put that behind us, forgive me, let’s take a look at the diverse range of Christmas entertainment on offer this year.

I’m a huge fan of a traditional pantomime. I like all the silly business, the dames and the kiddy dance troupes and transformations. I guess that panto was my first theatre experience (Tommy Steele in Humpty Dumpty, Liverpool Empire 1956), and that love has stayed with me. That said, I hate bad panto – luckily here we have some excellent theatres who pride themselves on offering up a first class family treat each year.

In Worthing, we have a choice of two great shows. At the Connaught Theatre the dish of the day is Aladdin, a feast of Oriental fun and games with magic carpet rides and genies in lamps; a perfect treat for all ages.

At the Pavilion Theatre you can enjoy a musical spectacular

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timeless favourite Sleeping Beauty, with TV personality Stephen Mulhern heading the cast.

Of course there are many other ways to have an entertaining Christmas; classes for kids and

grown-ups, art fairs and Christmas fairs and streets and shop windows filled with lights. But don’t miss out. Book now if you want your Christmas to be a magical winter wonderland.

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Christmas panto special

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Cast of One Man, Two Guvnors (photo: Ellie Kurttz)

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Theatre Royal

The perfect Christmas treat, One Man, Two Guvnors, the National Theatre’s award winning comedy, comes to Theatre Royal Brighton for a three week run this Christmas.

Nicholas Hytner’s five star production, which is set in Brighton in the 1960s, tells the hilarious story of Francis Henshall who, fired from his skiffle band, becomes minder to Roscoe Crabbe. But Roscoe is really Rachel, posing as her own dead brother – who's been killed by her boyfriend Stanley Stubbers. Francis spots the chance of an extra meal ticket and takes a job with one Stanley Stubbers, but to prevent discovery, he must keep his two guvnors apart.

It has been described as a glorious celebration of British comedy – a unique, laugh-out-loud mix of satire, songs, slapstick and glittering one liners. Now seen by over one million people worldwide, this internationally acclaimed smash hit has been hailed as ‘the funniest show on the planet’ and a ‘comic classic’ by national critics.

Gavin Spokes takes on the central role of loveable chancer Francis Henshall, with Norman Pace as Charlie Clench. Emma Barton will play Dolly with Jasmyn Banks as Pauline Clench, Alicia Davies as Rachel Crabbe, Michael Dylan as Alfie, Derek Elroy as Lloyd Boateng, Edward Hancock as Alan Dangle and Patrick Warner as Stanley Stubbers.

To book tickets: www.atgtickets.com/brighton* 0844 871 7650* (*booking fee applies)

The Hawth

Following the massive success of last year’s panto Cinderella, popular TV presenter Stephen Mulhern returns to The Hawth in Crawley in the spectacular family pantomime Sleeping Beauty from 12 December.

Stephen, who is best known through Britain’s Got More Talent, Catchphrase, and regular appearances on Good Morning Britain, promises “a spectacular and hilarious show with lots of magic, illusions and comedy”.

Starring alongside Stephen are hilarious impressionist Hilary O’Neil, CBeebies favourite Cat Sandion and Josh James (2010 UK Eurovision entrant).

Expect a festive family treat – lots of glamour, romance, comedy, song, audience participation and stunning special effects. There’s even a firebreathing dragon!

Tickets are available from The Hawth Box Office on 01293 553636 or from www.hawth.co.uk Reviews from Cinderella 2013: “Three cheers … breathtaking … fast, furious and fun for all the family.”

Latest 7 “West End class ... brilliant!”

The Argus “A wonderful production.”

West Sussex County Times

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Brian Ralfe at Brighton Dome

Brighton Christmas Gift Faire Spectacular

Welcome to our 14th year of the ‘alternative pantomime’! This being The Magical Road To Oz, starring Miss Jason as Dorothy and Lee (Cooee) as the Wicked Evil Witch of Brighthelmstone who, by the way, does not need make-up to play this part. Phil Harliqueen stars as a beautiful fairy, and Jason Lee as the Tin Man. Wesley Sebastian stars as both The Wizard and Madam Mystic, Alan Jay as the Scarecrow, Chris Howard as Lenny the Lion, and Brian Ralfe as the Goffer.

The Magical Road To Oz is written by Andrew Starks and directed by Madam Lee Tracey, with musical direction by Mark Yarrow and stage management

by Mike Medway.

This pantomime is not to be missed, follow the Yellow Brick Road!

Produce this advert at the Brighton Dome box office and tickets for 28/29 January at 5pm will be only £12 (not meal deal) 01273 709709 / brightondome.org

With celebrity guests, thousands of exciting gift ideas, unique shopping zones, wine and food tasting, farm yard animals, amazing Santa’s Grotto, a nail bar, free kids’ funfair rides and live show performances all day!

Back for a second year, it’s the Brighton Christmas Gift Fair Spectacular on Saturday 15 November. Bring your Christmas wishlist, as this year is one to beat with handmade craft zones in the Grandstand Hall and Premier Hall, welcoming over 130 stands. Plus an exciting outdoor Christmas market showcasing more gift and food stands, free kids’ funfair rides, a live nativity and slides.

Shop for Christmas decorations, festive food and drink, stunning jewellery, ceramics, glassware, interior and home accessories, contemporary designs, beauty and fashion, vintage gifts, handmade crafts, traditional toys, children’s gifts, gardening gifts, gadgets and lots more! Don't miss the show performances, musicians, special guests and show cohosts David Van Day and Sue Moxley, and choir singers including the Rock Choir with 40 singers, all live on stage. Plus we're giving away free prizes and 400 goodie bags to early visitors. There’s something for everyone at the Brighton Christmas Gift Fair Spectacular! www.brightonchristmasfair.co.uk

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The Theatre Workshop The Theatre Workshop is a multi-award winning independent Performing Arts school for young people aged 6-20 in Brighton. The schools offer an opportunity for access to excellence in performing arts for the South East’s most exciting young talent. The schools, established over 11 years ago, have launched the careers of many young actors. The growing list of celebrity alumni who have trained at the school include Britain’s Got Talent winner Richard Hadfield from band Collabro, Soap Star Hetti Bywater, film stars Rosie Taylor Ritson (Nanny McPhee) and Jonathan Raggett (The Lady), regular CBBC faces Oscar Lloyd (4 O’Clock Club), Madeline Holliday (Hank Zipzer), Amy Leigh Hickman (The Dumping Ground), and Toby Murray (Dani’s Castle) as well as Game of Thrones actor Brenock O’Connor. Young actor Oscar Lloyd commented; “Without The Theatre Workshop I wouldn't be where I am today!”

On top of weekly triple threat training, The Theatre Workshop also offer an abundance of extra opportunities. These include Dance Academy, where students can gain ISTD grades in Ballet and Tap, Performance Choir that offers promising singers the opportunity to perform publicly across the country, and GCSE Drama as well as the chance to audition for Hungry

Wolf VYT, fast becoming one of the UK's most exciting youth theatre companies. “I just laughed till I peed myself! ‘The Electra Project’ by Hungry Wolf is now officially one of my favourite things ever. Genius!” said BAFTA member Rikki Beadle Blair.

Students can also take private lessons in singing and drama, gaining qualifications and the chance to compete at local festivals, and that’s not all; The Theatre Workshop work closely with one of the UK’s leading young persons agency, offering students the chance to gain professional representation for work on stage and screen. However, professional opportunities are not just limited to those on the agency - The Theatre Workshop have provided children for many of the country’s top UK theatre tours, including Joseph, Evita, Annie Get Your Gun, and numerous operas at some of Sussex’s premier theatre venues.

With schools fully staffed by inspiring professionals located across East and West Sussex, The Theatre Workshop offers a free trial session for all budding performers. Please visit thetheatreworkshop.com or call 01273 733736 to book a trial.

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Eastbourne Theatre

Eastbourne’s stunning pantomime for 2014 is the family favourite Beauty and the Beast, at the Devonshire Park Theatre from 12 December until 11 January. With a cast of pure talent and plenty of magical surprises in store, it is sure to be the highlight of the season!

Eastbourne favourites Martyn Knight and Tucker return to cause more chaos and calamity with Hollyoaks star Carley Stenson, fresh from her West End roles in Spamalot, Legally Blonde and Shrek, making her Eastbourne debut as Malevolent.

Our heroine, Belle (Emily Bull), is set to go on a journey of love and adventure which will prove that beauty really is in the eye of the beholder.

Imprisoned in an enchanted chateau by a hideous looking beast, her only friends are Dame Derriere (Martyn Knight) and the hapless Potty Pierre (Tucker), but what has happened to the handsome prince? Will the wicked enchantress’ spell be broken before the last rose petal falls?

Eastbourne’s pantomimes are famed for giving audiences a true live theatre experience, with a full band, beautiful costumes designed and created especially for the show, and of course lots of magical onstage effects. And with ticket prices that are far from beastly, priced from just £12, this is pantomime for everyone to enjoy.

Pantomime director and writer Chris Jordan said: “We are so excited to be bringing this magical tale back to life at the Devonshire Park this winter.

So much preparation and hard work goes into turning this classic fairy tale into a pantomime. The team have been hard at work already looking at new costume designs, drawing up lists of props that are going to be needed, and of course, the sets.

“We are delighted to be presenting another Eastbourne Theatre spectacular, and if you saw last year’s record-breaking Aladdin, we promise you this show will be even better. We hope you bring your family to meet ours and be our guest at this stunning panto!”

Beauty and the Beast at the Devonshire Park Theatre, Eastbourne, runs from 12 Dec until 11 Jan. Tickets £12-£20 (concessions available), to book or for more info call the box office on 01323 412000 or visit www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk

The Old Market, Hove

Following the huge success of ‘charming panto-alternative’ Pinocchio in 2013, for 2014 The Old Market has commissioned a brand new imagining of family favourite, Peter Pan. It’s called The Boy Who Never Grew Up; a story told with live music, puppetry and, above all, imagination.

The Boy Who Never Grew Up features scenes you’ll know and love from JM Barrie’s classic book – Peter befriending the Indians, scaling a mountain and outwitting Captain Hook – but there are also adventures of your own to be had.

This is a show for anyone who wishes to never ever grow up!

The Boy Who Never Grew Up is created and performed by acclaimed theatre makers Amelia Bird and Philippa Herrick. “Having toured several children's shows to Brighton, we know what fun, creative families live in the area,” says Amelia.

“Making the show is proving to be a lot of fun and we've got some great adventures shaping up!”

Best of all, tickets for The Boy Who Never Grew Up are extremely reasonable, and if you can round up a group of six or more, they’re just £6 each. It’s ideal for ages 4+, so bring the family for a postChristmas treat.

The Old Market, 28 Dec - 2 Jan (not 1 Jan), 11am & 2pm, £6-8 01273 201801 / www.theoldmarket.com

Devonshire Park Theatre, Eastbourne 12 December – 11 January, 01323 412000 Ticket prices which aren’t BEASTLY on the pocket – from £12!

Book Online www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Follow EBTheatres / #EBPanto

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HOTLIST

Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk BRITISH & MODERN EUROPEAN BARDSLEY’S Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele.

Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

Fully licensed.

Bardsley’s, 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256, www.bardsleys-fishandchips.co.uk

INDIAN CHAULA’S LEWES Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor

and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian and vegan as well as gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday.

Chaula’s, Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk CHAULA’S BRIGHTON A second venue for this brilliant Indian restaurant is now open here in Brighton. Superb regional dishes, fresh tasting and exciting.

Chaula and her team breathe fresh air into the idea of Indian food with authentic recipes served in bright and stylish surroundings.

The cooking is executed with a light touch too, no heavy gheebased sauces here but an

The Chilli Pickle Canteen

altogether healthier approach – but not at the cost of flavour.

Both delicious and affordable.

Buffet available for £6.99; Meal Deal for £9.99.

Chaula’s, 2–3 Little East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HT, 01273 771661, www.chaulas.co.uk

THE CHILLI PICKLE The Chilli Pickle is a local favourite with national standing which combines traditional Indian methods with local produce and an individual style. Their ample thalis spice up a midday meeting or a catch-up with friends, while the evening menu offers inventive street food, local seafood and tasty regional curries, served in an upbeat and informal atmosphere.

The Chilli Pickle featured in the National Restaurant Awards’ UK top 100 in 2011-12, and scooped ‘Best Casual Dining’ at the 2012 British Curry Awards.

The Chilli Pickle, 17 Jubilee Square, Brighton, 01273 900383, www.thechillipickle.com

THE CHILLI PICKLE CANTEEN The definitive delivery service from The Chilli Pickle launched this year. Bold, Indian-inspired design, specially commissioned artwork and smart delivery stake Chaula’s

out new ground in home dining.

Meanwhile, the menu showcases some of the restaurant’s familiar touches, with regional curries and homemade pickles and chutneys, plus superb ice creams.

The Chilli Pickle Canteen: order online at thechillipicklecanteen.com, 01273 900384

ITALIAN DONATELLO Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant value meal deals on blackboards – two courses £7.95 or three for £9.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos.

Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Donatello, Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ 01273 775477 www.donatello.co.uk

THAI STREET THAI Dishes served here are simple, healthy and delicious using the finest and freshest ingredients.

Thai people love their street food and Street Thai is the most authentic way of eating and experiencing Thai food. Set menu is available every day except Saturday with two courses at £9.75 and three courses at £11.75.

Street Thai, 5 & 20 Brighton Square, Brighton, BN1 1HD, 01273 207444

UP TO 50% OFF YOUR FOOD BILL

TABLE POUNCER Table Pouncer has teamed up with Latest 7 to offer diners up to 50% off their food bill. Register for free and take advantage of great savings. Participating restaurants change all the time, so check back and see whether your favourite is there. From Italian and Chinese to seafood and more, eating out has just got a lot more affordable. http://thelatest.co.uk/tablepouncer

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150 • LATEST 7 28 www.thelatest.co.uk •

029_LS702_cook It_011_LS466_interview 23/10/2014 11:23 Page 3

with Andrew Kay An excellent lunch at Food For Friends

VEG IT ATE s a committed omnivore – carnivores are a different thing altogether – I am also rather keen on good vegetarian food. Please note the word ‘good’.

Sadly, vegetarians are not that often well provided for. I have, over the years, been served some pretty disgusting muck masquerading as vegetarian food, so bad in fact that one could assume that the word vegetarian means drab and tasteless, rather than meatless. I am also rather dismissive of those faddy eaters who masquerade as vegetarians but eat fish, cheese, and in some cases, chicken breast. I mean really, commit or get off the pot.

The good news is that in Brighton, vegetarian food is a thing of great beauty, a celebration of meatless cooking rather than a requiem for lentils and the like. It was with this hope in mind that I met Mr M and Mr N, tidily in alphabetical order, at Food For Friends. Food For Friends has been around for as long as I can remember. It was a good place at the start but very much a basic veggie cafe of rather solid foods and hearty salads; good yes, but not to my taste to be honest. In recent years though, and under new ownership, things have massively changed.

These days it is very much a restaurant and it serves some very refined food. That said, it still seems to be remarkably good value.

I had wanted to go along to try out their new mezze style dishes. I like the concept of small plates for sharing – although you do need to know that the people you are dining with also like to share. I know one or two people who prefer to order a dish and then fiercely guard it from incoming cutlery. Mr M and Mr N were happily up for a starting point of shared dishes and I am glad to say that they shared nicely.

But first came three good glasses of a very nice house white and some parsnip crisps, olive bread-sticks (home baked) and a rich pesto in which to dip them.

Our mezze selection included a delicious cous cous with pomegranate, a fig, walnut and

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Watch Cook It! at 8pm on

smoked ricotta salad that was topped with excellent slivers of deep fried pickled Japanese ginger, some fried tofu with a chilli dipping sauce, crisp fingers of aubergine with a vibrant green sweet and sour sauce and a creamy yoghurt salad too. It was all delicious, all well balanced, and all very attractive to look at.

All the sharing done, and I have to say, rather well satisfied already (the addition of some bread and it would certainly have been a decent lunch at that point) we headed into the main courses. Mr M chose the coconut curry with fried aubergine, courgettes and garden peas served with split pea and sesame dumplings, spiced rice and a crunchy fresh papaya, mango and cashew salad. He loved it, although he would have liked a bit more spice heat, but that's just him. I tried it a few weeks before and I liked the spice level, especially at lunch time.

Mr N chose baked haloumi, avocado and mango salad served with baby leaves, wasabi roasted cashews and a mango dressing. He declared it pretty damned good too, although he did feel that there was too much mango.

Now, in my book that could be seen as a positive complaint. Too little and no, I'm not going to like that. But too much? Well, one can

on Freeview channel 8,

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always leave a little.

I chose marinated roast aubergine stuffed with bulgur wheat, Persian barberries, and pistachios served with spicy tomato sauce, tahini rémoulade, wilted spinach and crispy sumac potatoes and I loved it. The creamy aubergine was well spiced, the bulgar well cooked and the crisp sumac potatoes were really delicious. It looked good too. In fact it all looked good, very stylishy presented; another thing that was for so long lacking in vegetarian eateries.

I would also add that all of our dishes were a very decent £12, which for food of this quality seemed a fair price.

I will admit that I did not finish my main course, simply because I was replete. And on that note I will also admit that none of us made it to desserts, although we did each enjoy a piping hot double espresso. I say piping hot because I am getting rather tired of being served cold espresso – heat the cups, you loons!

Food For Friends is a stylish and rather grown up restaurant with a nice interior and excellent staff, who absolutely know what they are doing and the dishes that they are serving.

Warm, friendly, stylish, delicious and great value – what’s not to like?

Food for Friends, 17-18 Prince Albert Street, The Lanes, Brighton, BN1 1HF, 01273 202310 www.foodforfriends.com

Follow me: latestandrew

channel 159 or at thelatest.tv

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OVERHEARD ON HELICON

under review

RIGHT TONE

Arts and culture from around the world, with Vanessa Austin Locke

TONY LAW – ENTER THE TONEZONE The Old Market, Friday 17 October 2014 ★★★★★

I

s Tony Law a comedy genius or a middleaged man having a breakdown? The fact that he is wearing a onesie (which enhances the similarity to a court jester) suggests the latter. He doesn’t so much deconstruct comedy, he detonates it and discovers treasures in the rubble. Remember being a kid, bouncing nonsense gags off your best friend, cracking each other up, but noone else would get it?

This is a similar experience, but with even less cohesion. If planet Earth is your favourite mode of space travel, then you will appreciate his vibe. Personally, I loved this strange little biped.

Martin Baron

BOOKINGS SPANDAU BALLET

The Brighton Centre, 11 March 2015, £65/52.50/40, 0844 847 1515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk Returning to touring for the first time since their 2009 Reformation tour which saw the band finally reunited, they are once again one of the hottest bands in the UK.

T*REXTASY

Theatre Royal Brighton, 17 November 2014, £22.90/18.90, 0844 871 7615, www.atgtickets.com T*Rextasy are the only band to have been authorised and endorsed by Marc Bolan’s Catalogue Management and are officially recognised as the world’s No. 1 group dedicated to the greatest glam rocker of them all, Marc Bolan of T.Rex.

REVIEWS BRIEFS Oh what a flamboyant, talented and naughty box of delights is Briefs. Like La Clique with more camp, at times a gnat’s breath this side of filth, all the while stunningly choreographed – this troupe of burlesque boys brought trailer trash and acrobats, dog shows

and fire hoops to The Old Market with more than a handful of glitter and marvellous frocks. Definitely of adult content, as well as playfully questioning a few tropes, all six performers brought their own unique appeal to the show, whilst also working charmingly cohesively as an ensemble too. Not for the fainthearted, but so much fun for the more daring!

The Old Market, 18 October 2014 ★★★★★ Victoria Nangle NOT ABOUT HEROES I’ve got to say, Blackeyed Theatre consistently deliver the goods. This time they have provided an insight into the relationship of two of our most famous WW1 poets; Siegfried Sassoon and Wilfred Owen. Stephen Macdonald’s play focuses on their blossoming friendship whilst both were inhabitants at a Scottish convalescence – one suffering shell shock, the other incarcerated due to his political/social leanings. All punctuated by their poetry and the letters written to one another whilst apart. They were clearly close with a deep respect and a profound enjoyment of each other’s work and mind. The war was futile, but their powerful body of work was anything but.

Connaught Theatre, Worthing, 17 October 2014 ★★★★★ Lee Stevens

hen I was a kid, I played a game on long car journeys. In the days before Satnav my parents actually read maps in order to get places. I hear some of you still do that … I would sit in the back with the big road map book on my lap and with my index finger I would travel the country, tracing adventures up those red and blue veins, watching the land get steeper as slim grey lines undulated across the page, skirting around big and small expanses of water, never actually trying to get anywhere, just enjoying the journey.

Then when I was older I acquired a globe, and my adventures became international. My geography is still appalling, because I wasn’t really trying to figure out where anything was, I was just arriving, imagining, leaving and then forgetting. A few years on as a terrified first-time commuter, I struggled with the London underground – the crush, the smell, the awfulness of being down there.

But the tube map … I poured over it, just mesmerised by this simplification of the city that daunted me so much. London became easy, and even now as I walk its streets I’m walking the skeleton of the tube map in my mind’s eye; the x-ray of the city, its code, its notation.

A few months ago I made my beloved a set of floor-length curtains for his study; the print was of nautical charts.

Since then I’ve been spotting the use of maps in interior design everywhere, so I’m clearly not the only cartophile out there who sees maps as a thing of beauty rather than just functionality. As wallpaper has made a significant and exciting comeback, designers have reimagined its purpose. The ‘feature wall’ is so very, very over, because now your walls are allowed to actually be the artwork, not just display it. Walls can be more than a statement, or a talking point, or a feature – they can be a fascination.

As our homes are increasingly becoming lovingly curated works of art rather than places we live, as small acts of individual creativity are being embraced and encouraged by so many, there are some very exciting companies springing up to help feed our imaginations and aesthetic aspirations. Love Maps On is a new company that was started by a group of cartographers. In a nutshell, they will put maps on stuff for you; not just walls, but all kinds of surfaces and products. They have access to the largest collection of Victorian and present-day Ordnance Survey mapping that can be centred on any UK address. So maybe now a day spent at home staring at the walls can be a grand adventure.

For more information on Love Maps On, visit their website: www.lovemapson.com If you have a recommendation for Vanessa to feature, please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk

W 

LATESTWRITES

VANESSA AUSTIN LOCKE

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I would travel the country, tracing adventures

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I AM THE PASSENGER

From the streets of Brighton to global success, Mike Rosenberg is walking tall.

Jeff Hemmings spoke to the quietly determined one ... fter years of chipping away at the coalface of an increasingly saturated music scene, Mike Rosenberg (aka Passenger) has suddenly seen all that perseverance, talent and passion pay off, in a most explosive manner.

Born and bred in Brighton, Mike’s band Passenger was being touted as a Next Big Thing in the mid-noughties. He had secured a substantial development deal via ie:music, a management company that has included the likes of Robbie Williams and Ladyhawke on their books. Although Mike and his band were making some inroads, and developing a solid fanbase, they never got enough traction to take off. The money ran out and the train came off the tracks.

Not that it seemed to overly bother Mike, as he went about busily re-inventing himself as a solo singer-songwriter whilst retaining the Passenger moniker. He went back to his roots, and became a troubadour, busking his way around the UK and then on to Australia. An incredibly hard working, passionate and honest songwriter, this need to write, sing and perform was truly in his blood. A junkie of sorts, but in the right way. Whether or not he was going to become rich and/or famous was now by-the-by; he found out he could make a living by doing it by himself, and in his own way.

“When the band broke up I started from scratch again, and that was when I started busking. I had no band, no house, I didn’t know what I was doing. I was thinking, ‘how can I make a living from music immediately’?

Busking wasn’t a masterplan, but I started seeing the reaction from people; they stopped and listened to me in the street. There would be no reason for that, other than liking what I was doing. That started to fill me with confidence and everything grew from that.

“In 2009 I busked around the UK, sometimes just getting on a train to go to a town and play. It was romantic, liberating and a great few months.

It was exciting having control, not needing to ask for money from someone else. And when it started getting cold I booked a flight to Australia and started from scratch there.”

Then, less than three years ago, Mike rekindled his friendship with Ed Sheeran and suddenly his fortunes took a huge leap forward. “Ed Sheeran is a good mate from quite a long time ago,” says Mike. “Touring with him completely changed the game; going from busking and playing to a couple of hundred people in a pub to the Brighton Centre and venues of that size, all over North America, Europe and Australia.

“We met at one of those tiny gigs, the first year I was out on my own (2009), in a pub in Cambridge. He was 16 or 17, unknown at the time, and we ended up on the same bill. And I watched his set and was blown away by it. I think he watched mine and liked what I was doing as well. We became mates, played a few gigs together and then when he exploded he was good to me; ended up giving me a year of touring.”

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As well as having the opportunity to support and even duet with Sheeran at every gig, Mike got to see up close what makes him tick: “Ed’s work ethic is like no other artist I have ever met.

He left home when he was 16 and there wasn’t a day when he wasn’t pushing it forward. He has talent of course, and is a lovely guy. It was no surprise to me. The first time I saw him, it was one of those moments where you go: ‘You’re going to be pretty big’. He deserves it.”

‘Let It Go’ ended up being number one in 16 countries, as well number two in the UK. And then it went big in America, the song being used for a Budweiser advert that was shown during the Superbowl, an event that attracts some of the biggest television audiences in the world. And the song was nominated for a Brit this year: “That was really great, to be nominated, and to get to see the other side of the industry. I’ve always been on the outskirts

The fact that Mike was tapping into huge audiences every night gave him the opportunity to win new fans. And when he first played in Brighton following his stint with Sheeran, he sold out the Concorde 2 in no time. Shortly after that, his song ‘Let It Go’ suddenly, and literally out of nowhere, went global.

Originally released as an album track on his low-key 2012 All The Little Lights album, the song eventually became one of the biggest selling songs of 2013. It was everywhere. “This is the weirdest part of it all … we got this email from a radio plugger in Holland, who’d heard it in a cafe. I think he Shazzamed it – that's how ridiculous this is – saw it was me, got in touch with my management and said: ‘Look, I think this could be a hit in Holland; let me take it to radio in Holland, see what happens’. Within a few weeks it was number one. You look at the iTunes chart and see your little song at number one, just incredible! I thought that would be the end of it, but then it went to number one in Belguim, Luxemburg, through Scandinavia and Sweden and Germany. It was bizarre.”

of that really. It was fun to put on a suit, drink champagne and see Prince.”

His recent album, Whispers, was made on the back of all this success, and yet Mike still saw fit to finance it himself and be in control of his destiny as much as possible. Recorded in Australia, where he had made his previous two albums, it became a high charting album around around the globe. “I’ve financed them all myself.

If you fund it yourself, no one can say anything creatively, although you obviously want people’s input and their advice. But, you don’t want someone to tell you which song to leave out or which photo to use. F*** that, it’s your vision, you’re the artist, you created it. For me, it’s just a more sensible way of doing things.”

After spending the last six years being a troubadour and travelling around the world, Mike has recently settled back in Brighton.

“It’s an amazing town; the more I’m away from it the more I love it. A lot of my mates are still here. My folks are here.”

Passenger, Brighton Dome Concert Hall, 8 & 9 November, supported by The Once. (Sold Out.) 01273 709 709, brightondome.org

• LATEST 7 31 www.thelatest.co.uk •

032-033_LS702_stage_filmart_011_LS466_interview 23/10/2014 16:07 Page 2

stage / film / comedy / art / music

L7 ENTERTAINMENT NEWS Watch Latest entertainment on

STAGE

Andrew Kay



CHILLS & THRILLS A new Susan Hill thriller comes to the Theatre Royal Brighton

on Freeview channel 8, The critically acclaimed The Woman In Black became one of the most terrifying stage plays ever staged, and now, The Small Hand promises to take audiences to a new level of terror.

Leading the cast is Andrew Lancel, who takes on the role of Adam Snow fresh from his West End run in Epstein. He is best known for his role in long-running ITV soap Coronation Street as the evil businessman Frank Foster, which won him 'Villain of the Year' at the British Soap Awards in 2012. He also starred as DI Neil Manson in The Bill and Barry Pearce in Series 4 of Bad Girls.

Starring alongside him is Diane Keen, one of British television’s most popular actresses, who starred in the late ‘70s sitcom Rings On Their Fingers. Until 2012, she was best known for her

new stage thriller from The Woman In Black author, Susan Hill, starring Andrew Lancel, Diane Keen and Robert Duncan is coming to the Theatre Royal Brighton.

Susan Hill, the million-selling author of The Woman In Black, the dramatisation of which has run in the West End for 25 years, has once again been adapted for the stage.

This time, her 2010 novel The Small Hand tells the story of Adam Snow, a dealer in 19th and 20th century paintings who accidently comes across a derelict Edwardian house after taking a wrong turn.

Curiosity gets the better of him, and he approaches the front door to take a closer look, but is hit with a chilling sensation as he feels a small cold hand reach for his own.

Over the coming weeks, Snow suffers recurring nightmares and panic attacks and tries to find out more about the house and its occupants, whilst the small hand continues to reach out for him.

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• LATEST 7 32 www.thelatest.co.uk •

channel 159 or at thelatest.tv role in BBC daytime soap Doctors, playing practice manager Julia Parsons.

They are joined by Robert Duncan, who is best known for his role as jargon-spouting chief executive Gus in 1990s newsroom sitcom Drop The Dead Donkey. He has played in theatres the length and breadth of the country, and played many leading roles including Stanley Kowalski in A Streetcar Named Desire, Petruchio in The Taming of the Shrew, Mr Rochester in Jane Eyre, Frank in Willy Russell’s Educating Rita, and most recently starred in 12 Angry Men. The Small Hand, Mon 3 – Sat 8 Nov, Eves 7.45pm / Thu & Sat mats 2.30pm www.atgtickets.com/brighton* 0844 871 7650* (*booking fee applies)

032-033_LS702_stage_filmart_011_LS466_interview 23/10/2014 16:08 Page 3

entertainment news / film/ art

BRIGHTON’S ARTY

FILM

Jessica KellgrenHayes



ART WITH HEART

HORROR STORIES s all PostFeature viewers know, I am, and have always been, a very big fan of old films. Each week on the show I write and present a segment called ‘The Classical Review’, which stems from the YouTube blog I started many moons ago - search for ‘Miss Jessica Kellgren-Hayes’ and marvel at how many hairstyles it is possible to achieve with just a few pins!

I was very close to my late grandmother as a child, plus my father is beyond a film buff (truly, he can recognise a film playing on the television within a minute of walking into the room AND can probably produce an amazing piece of trivia) so it isn’t greatly surprising that I should have a keenness for all things old fashioned when it comes to the cinema. What does surprise Why isn’t the me is how little other people know about the history of film and the history of moving huge role Britain played in the worldwide propagation of the image included in moving image. Cinema practically started in Brighton! school syllabuses?

It isn’t just the history of film in Brighton that is oft overlooked: a few days ago I was discussing horror films with a friend, who then asked if I knew which part of America Alfred Hitchcock was from.

Yes, that Alfred Hitchcock. Now, my friend is a huge horror movie fan and has seen a lot of Hitchcock’s work, but was completely unaware that the director was born in Essex and that a number of his works were filmed here.

Why isn’t the history of moving image included in school syllabuses? Films are an important cultural medium because they tell us so much about a society’s hopes, fears and desires. Take horror film for instance; the genre seeks to elicit negative emotional reactions from viewers by playing on their primal fears. Plots within the horror genre often involve the forced intrusion of an evil, supernatural force, event or personage into the everyday world.

Scary films permit the audience to feel the fears they keep bottled up inside, afraid to even look at, and then allow them to walk back out of the cinema, safe from harm.

Horror films have been expressing fears and scaring people for well over a century. Did you know the first horror film was a series of silent shorts created by film pioneer George Melies in the late 1890s? Now, I’m not suggesting for a second that we start showing horror films rather than teaching children about the Romans … but surely there is a little wiggle room?

A

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Alison Krog

year after we launched Brighton’s Arty, we decided to put our new creative contacts to good use and hold a charity art auction. Now, with absolutely no experience of event planning, and if we’d applied a bit more sense and less irrational enthusiasm, we would have chosen a small, intimate venue with a hand-picked audience. Did we heck. We booked an enormous hall in the Hilton Hotel, registered the event in the Fringe Festival and sold tickets (or not). Our ‘celebrity’ auctioneer dropped out at the last minute, the date coincided with a major footie match, and was the hottest Saturday evening in May. It should have been a disaster. But do you know what? Because of help from friends and family, and the overwhelming generosity of the artists who donated their work – then turned up to support us – we pulled it off, and Rockinghorse was quids in.

So I’m never surprised to discover what big hearts Brighton’s artists have. And I’m delighted to feature the captivating images of award-winning fine art photographer Nicole Carman, who’s based in Hove. Through the combination of traditional photographic techniques and digital processes, Nicole captures the vibrant spirit of Brighton. And anyone who buys one of her Brighton prints or canvases in the run up to Christmas will be helping local charity The Starr Trust, which supports young people in the BN postcode area (starrtrust.com).

Nicole is offering a 10% discount on her prints to anyone who mentions The Starr Trust, and is also donating 10% to this fantastic local charity. So go to brightonandhovephotos.com now!

Don’t miss: At the Adastra Hall, Hassocks, the Attic Art Club is exhibiting work by its 29 artists including 90-year-old Rosalie Sinclair Smith. From 7-9 November.

A

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034-035_LS702_comedy_music_011_LS466_interview 23/10/2014 15:08 Page 2

entertainment news / comedy /art / events

COMEDY

Victoria Nangle

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DRACULA-HA-HA & CO There’s a good tradition of dark humour scaring people silly while they laugh. Have a funny Hallowe’en this year

H

allowe’en falls on a Friday this year, meaning that the customary spooky celebrations will be getting an extra shot in the arm from the weekend’s energy. It takes this year’s Hallowe’en celebrations up from an annoyance while the doorbell rings incessantly and Munchkins beg for sugar, up to something you might actually be able to enjoy whilst still holding down a full time job. A festivity you can take part in, without needing to go the whole hog and put holes in your favourite Egyptian cotton linen accompanied by a half-hearted “whhooooo!!!”

Instead, meet the inner child and the grown up halfway and take yourself along and out for a spookily themed comedy night. There’s even some specially themed Hallowe’en pick and mix. No tricks required.

I am, of course, talking about Krater Comedy, over at Komedia. Hosted by the multiawarding-winning MC Stephen Grant (it’s difficult to say without sounding Damian Clark

Watch Latest entertainment on

fawning, but we just don’t appreciate how lucky we are having Stephen on our doorstep), and with a cracking line-up including Damian Clark, Paul Pirie and Paul Myrehaug.

There’s a lot to be said for going out to celebrate festivals. Earlier this year I went to a glorious comedy night at The Caroline Of Brunswick on Easter Sunday. All of my favourite people were there – as punters and performers – and we got to enjoy the happy buzz associated with any date of the year that has a name as well as a number.

Christmas is just starting to be a time when we’re prepared to go out rather than build family resentments to celebrate, and New Year’s Eve has long been a time when finding the perfect location does not always mean the sweet comfy spot on the sofa. And so too with Hallowe’en.

Go out. Scare your pals, drink spooky ale and zombie brain shots (these are actually on offer at Komedia on Friday), laugh loudly and know that the evening will be worth it.

Have fun, with less of the effort. Oh, and this year you won’t even be tempted to threaten bodily harm to Munchkins as they lean against your doorbell as if it were a bus stop in a gale. You just can’t lose.

Krater Halloween Special, Komedia 8pm, Friday 31 October £30/26.50/16.50 (no meal deal) komediabrighton.ticketsolve.com

Follow me: @latestvicky

on Freeview channel 8,

• LATEST 7 34 www.thelatest.co.uk •

REASON-ABLE EVENT: SKEPTICS IN THE PUB – BRIGHTON Come all ye skeptics, rationalists, scientists, naturalists, materialists, freethinkers, clearthinkers, atheists, agnostics and brights; drink ale with those similarly enlightened, and join in the mission to promote and foster the use of reason and science to further lifekind.

Latest Music Bar, Wed 29 Oct, 8pm, £2 EVENT: DAVID TRENT: LIVE AT THE PLEASANCE COURTYARD David Trent returns to Brighton for one night only. His return to the Brighton Comedy Fringe is a high-octane audio visual onslaught that promises to be the ultimate in Trentertainment™.

Bar Broadway, Sat 1 Nov, 9pm, £9.50/8

One Planet Living

ART: ONE PLANET CITY Ten emerging and established photographers have created ten photo essays, displayed in publics spaces around the city, in response to each of the ten principles of One Planet Living, a sustainability framework created by Bioregional, and adopted by the city of Brighton. Part of Brighton Photo Biennial. various public spaces in Brighton. Until 2 Nov. ART: LOOKING INTO THE FAMILY ALBUM Students from Portslade and Brighton Aldridge Community Academies have collaborated with three artists to create their own staged family albums. Part of Brighton Photo Biennial.

Jubilee Square, Jubilee Street, Brighton.

Until 2 Nov

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034-035_LS702_comedy_music_011_LS466_interview 23/10/2014 15:09 Page 3

music / clubs

BRIGHTON EARLY MUSIC FESTIVAL Now in its 11th year and bringing old music to town

I

nitially discussed over the veritable coffee and napkin by founders Deborah Roberts and Claire Norburn, the Brighton Early Music Festival is now an established event, in its 11th year, the second largest of its kind in the UK (after York), with over 6,000 attendees and recorded and broadcast by the likes of BBC Radio 3 every year.

It is a labour of love, reliant on the goodwill of patrons, funders, friends of the festival and of course ticket buyers, year-onyear. But Clair and Deborah, both highly regarded singers in their own right, somehow make it happen, and hats off to the pair of them!

This year's theme is loosely based on cities, musical centres and the journeys between them, as the festival continuously seeks to join the dots between musical styles and fashions from around the world.

Taking place in a variety of venues, from the intimate Latest Music Bar to the expansive and aweinspiring St. Bartholomews Church (apparently, this church has the tallest nave in the country), and often with relatively cheap entry, it’s a fantastic opportunity to hear and see some truly unique music and performance, all acoustic based, and often featuring a variety of rare and unusual instrumentation.

For instance ‘Warsaw: The Blossoming Vine – Italian Maestri’

at the Polish Court (Fri 31 Oct, St. Bart’s) is a programme of music exploring the musical riches of the Polish royal court in the 17th century, and demonstrates how musicians from Rome and Venice exerted their influence on the musical life of Warsaw and Krakow.

Kemptown's St. George’s Church is host to ‘Trade Roots: African & Brazilian Music Meet In A Portuguese Monastery’ (Sat 1 Nov), where ‘villancicos’ and romances found in the monastery’s archives and brought over by African slaves and freemen are brought to life by the group L'Avventura, featuring four guest singers from Portugal.

St.George’s is also host to ‘Nine Days Wonder – A Trail of Two Cities’ (Fri 7 Nov), a musical and performance based celebration of Will Kemp’s (a leading actor in Shakespeare’s company) 100 mile ‘dance’ in 1600, from London to Norwich! The Society of Strange and Ancient Instruments re-enact this event with raucous dance tunes and more refined music from the Elizabethan age.

And for those perhaps more newer to ‘early music’, Latest Music Bar (Sat 1 Nov) hosts an all day and free entry event, featuring short concerts by some of the best new talent around, an event inspired by the 18th century craze for taking ‘The Grand Tour’ around Europe.

For the full programme of events, visit: www.bremf.org.uk

TOP 20 Another week and another great music chart for you! Listen online to get your favourite to the top and to submit your own tracks.

1 Dirty Weekend In Brighton Frankie 2 Dirty Weekend In Brighton Dirty Weekend In Brighton 3 Dirty Weekend In Brighton Ben Sherman (Style man from Brighton) 4 Project Lumino Movement 5 bucket-joy jaded 6 BreakinBear Days Gone 7 Land Of Plenty On Sleeping, Wakes 8 N-D-E Incredible Machine 9 BreakinBear Rebel In Chief 10 Hold Fire Emma-Louise

13 Krafter Explorer 14 Moranimal Simple; Life

Don’t miss our pick of Brighton after dark treats, crazed visuals and the ultimate Halloween DJ Jenna Allsopp (spellbound), Dress to distress, prizes for best costumes. After all, you’re going to die in there...

Komedia, Fri 31 Oct, 11pm, £5 HALLOWE’EN: PAUL DALEY (EX-LEFTIELD) & ESKIMO TWINS Paul Daley makes a welcome return to the decks alongside Eskimo

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Latest Brighton Download Chart

12 Gordon’s Alive Taxi In 5

CLUB HIGHLIGHTS

TRAILER TRASH PRESENTS ...

AMERICAN HORROR STORY HALLOWE’EN SPECIAL Murder house/Asylum/Coven/ Freakshow combine to bring you live cabaret acts, gruesome

8

11 Hollywood Assassins Switchblade

Follow me: @latestjeff

CIRCUS OF FREAKS This all hallows eve, only the bravest souls should dare to join Blind Pig at their sinister cabaret club night. From the 50 foot woman to twisted witches, this macabre circus is not for the faint hearted.

Proud Cabaret, Fri 31 Oct, 11pm, £7

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

Twins and Pablo Contraband.

10 Below, Fri 31 Oct, 10.30pm, £7 THE HALLOWEE’EN SOUL & MOTOWN PARTY The Hallowe’en edition of the Soul Survivors’ famous Soul & Motown Night!

The View, Fri 31 Oct, 9pm, £10/5

15 Caymar Santiago 16 The Black Fields The Fighter 17 Shoot The Dead Lullaby 18 Damn Dirty Humans You’re So Retro 19 Mirika Legs 4 Africa 20 Swarf Parlour Tricks

SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC & VIDEOS www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

on Freeview channel 8, • LATEST 7 35 www.thelatest.co.uk •

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036_LS702_andrew_boredgamers_011_LS466_interview 22/10/2014 17:15 Page 2

BAD GAMES; BAD LOSERS

MADE IN CHELSEA

Jim Devereaux on keeping the gamer playing

Andrew Bullock on the highs and lows of SW3’s social elite

k, I’ll admit it – sometimes I can be a really bad loser. Most of the time I’m a pretty mild-mannered chap, but on occasion I still succumb to the sort of angry controller throw down that used to strike me without warning when I was a young teenager.

Admittedly this sort of childish behaviour is unhealthy, and I ought to really grow out of it. But on the other hand, my irrational rage is not without foundation.

The best games are, as an ancient gaming philosopher probably once said, easy to learn and hard to master.

There are, however, too many games that get this elusive balancing act entirely wrong. With little warning, they’ll throw too many metaphorical balls into the arms of the unicycling whilst juggling gamer, and send him or her crashing to the floor with embarrassment.

The further back in time you go, the worse games were for punishing players in this way. For example, such were the time pressures on designers in the early 1980s, quick fixes and poor compromises were made frequently just to get the game out in time. The most famous of which being E.T. for the Atari 2600, a game so poor and impossibly difficult that tens of thousands of unsold copies were eventually buried (and recently exhumed just for the hell of it) in the New Mexico desert!

Such sloppy practices led to the first (and only) major crash of the gaming industry in 1983.

O 

LATESTWRITES

BORED GAMERS



LATESTWRITES

ANDREW BULLOCK

k, so we’re back in Chelsea, which is good because we were all starting to get a bit homesick and upset. The New York series ended with one of the last possible romantic linkages amongst the cast.

No, not Sam and Wheeze – Lucy and Proudlock. Will they/won’t they?

Oh, look … it’s Andy. Frankly, we’d forgotten he existed. He is surfing and looks a bit like a red sponge. Apparently it is brand new news to him that Wheeze hooked up with Alik in New York. I don’t believe you, Andy. I think you were watching the series whilst simultaneously stuffing your face with Oreos, like the best of them.

Toff’s back, all chummy with Sam. He’s upset because he needs a job.

And a woman. Poor Sam – always with a smile on his face, yet always so tragic. They play tennis with Jamie, and Sam asks for an internship. What is it with this TV show and internships? Jamie says Sam can as long as he doesn’t “give chat back”. If only Sam could apply that to life in general.

Sitting in a Devonshire garden amongst the rhododendrons are Binky, Wheeze and Lucy. Binky asks Wheeze if she and Alik love each other. Lucy looks on with pursed lips. Lucy then has to depart to help her sister, who is moving to Chelsea. She leaves out the rest, which is “… to ride on the coat-tails of my MIC success”.

That night, Andy has a bonfire and everyone dances around it like a bunch of hoodie-wearing meth addicts. Enter Will and Lonan. Lonan is a bit of a poor man’s Proudlock. I think there’s potential romance in the air here, but I don’t know who between. Lonan and Binky? Will and Binky? Lonan and Will?

The boys are at Dirty Martini. Lucy enters with her underwhelming sister; Tiffany is shorter, pointier, and appears to not have a personality.

Alik arrives in Chelsea. Wheeze takes him for drinks and Binky explains to him what ‘the coast’ is – because they don’t have that in America.

Proudlock is walking Lucy’s dog, but the two haven’t spoken since getting back from New York so how has he got his hands on her animal?

On top of this, he is dressed like a baker boy and looks like Tilda Swinton.

It’s Spenny’s birthday; ‘Saints and Sinners’. Alik greets Spenny, which is hard to do when you’ve each got a pair of oversized wings strapped to your back. Alik asks Spenny if he went to Devon (he clearly hasn’t a clue what Devon is). Spenny creates drama by telling him that that Andy and Wheeze were in Devon together. OMG, they were both in the same county at the same time. Call Devonshire MP Hugo Swire NOW! Proudlock comes over to Lucy, breaks the ice, and suggests they go out on a quiet date and not tell any of the others. She is positively coquettish and slightly lost for words. Is this love? MIC marriage???

Andy decides to pop over and say hello to Wheeze and Alik. Rather than simply say hello, he instead decides to reveal that he is “gutted” that these two have found Anglo-American love. Sadly, Alik doesn’t know what “gutted” means, so Andy’s bitter scorn falls on deaf ears.

Next week’s predictions: It would seem that Lucy doesn’t trust Proudlock. I predict that deep down, Lucy can’t bring herself to trust a man with a dangling earring.

Andrew’s blog can be read at drewjbullock.wordpress.com

O

Andy looks a bit like a red sponge

Fortunately, this trend has diminished in recent years, with games makers understanding the value of quality over quantity.

Today, keeping players who’ve forked out up to £50 for their latest epic that took five years and £250 million to make, playing for as long as possible, is essential – and therefore, games are easier to play than ever.

That’s not to say I don’t like a challenge though, not a bit of it. Make a game too easy, as is the overriding temptation these days, and you remove all the value from playing it.

Mario is a classic example of how to get it right: simple control mechanics that get slowly and steadily more challenging, requiring more accurate timing, finesse and forethought as you progress through worlds.

So if you’re going to challenge me, oh noble gamer makers, do it firmly – but fairly. Seriously, I can’t afford to keep replacing these dang controllers …

Bored Gamers is an hour-long weekly show on all things gaming.

Tune in to see it on Latest TV at 9.30pm every Friday night.

The best games are easy to learn and hard to master

Follow me: @andrewjbullock

Follow us: @boredgamersuk

N

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037_LS702_TV_tue_L7wed14apr.qxd 23/10/2014 14:57 Page 1

TUESDAY 28 The Missing BBC1, 9pm Brand new thriller starring James Nesbitt about the emotional fallout on a family when a child is abducted. Set first in 2006, when Tony and Emily Hughes are on holiday in France and their fiveyear-old son Oliver disappears completely, and then more recently with their marriage ended but a new clue emerging.

Imagine... The Art That Hitler Hated BBC1, 10.35pm Tales of Hitler’s seizure of art are well known, but this tells of work deemed ‘degenerate’ by the Nazis and hidden by the Third Reich’s own art dealer to keep safe and sell abroad. Imagine... follows both the story of the dealer and of the families fighting to find their lost art.

The Lives And Loves Of A She-Devil BBC4, 10pm Wow. A proper chance to catch a classic BAFTA award-winning adaptation of Fay Weldon’s novel.

Ruth metamorphoses into the first of her many incarnations to wreak revenge upon her philandering husband Bobbo and his tres glam fancy lady, novelist Mary Fisher. Mwahaha!

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 The Newspapers 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00 Brighton Lights 12.30 The Newspapers 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Bowlegs 6.00 Latest News 6.20 Latest Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Cook It! Andrew Kay presents the weekly how-to cookery program.

7.00 Best Of Brighton Lights Richard Shayler takes a cheeky look back on episodes of Brighton Lights, first aired on the internet.

7.30 Latest News 7.50 Latest Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

8.30 You Make It, We Show It! 9.00 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 9.30 QTube The first weekly LGBT magazine program on British TV, with Torsten Hojer and Jonesy.

10.30 Latest News 10.50 Latest Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Modern Toss Comedy series with lots of swearing!

11.30 Best Of Brighton Lights 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Cook It! 1.00 Best Of Brighton Lights 1.30 News 1.50 Sport News 1.55 Weather 2.00 The Vote 2.30 You Make It, We Show It! 3.00 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 3.30 QTube 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Modern Toss 5.30 Best Of Brighton Lights

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Holiday Of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Why has he returned? Carol and Sonia argue about Rebecca. Tosh takes her disappointment at not being pregnant out on Tina.

8.00 Holby City Hospital drama. Mo is determined to prove she can swim with the sharks, but is she in over her head? Serena’s personal and professional lives collide when her mother is brought in for treatment.

9.00 The Missing See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Imagine... The Art That Hitler Hated See highlights.

11.55 FILM: The Mothman Prophecies (2002) Starring Richard Gere, David Eigenberg, Laura Linney, Will Patton, Ron Emanuel, Botoviak and Yvonne Erickson. Supernatural thriller. Two years after losing his wife, political journalist John Klein mysteriously finds himself in a small US town where people are acting very strangely indeed. He teams up with local cop Connie Parker and discovers that frightened townsfolk have seen a shadowy ‘mothman’ creature which closely resembles pictures his wife drew just before her death.

1.45am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.50 BBC News

BBC2

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Call The Council 7.50 Close Calls: On Camera 8.20 A Taste Of Britain 9.05 Antiques Roadshow 10.05 Building Dream Homes 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Cash In The Attic 1.30 Ready Steady Cook 2.15 The Rockford Files 3.00 Cagney And Lacey 3.50 Who Do You Think You Are? 4.50 Great British Railway Journeys 5.20 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball is joined by the couple who narrowly escaped elimination.

7.00 The Great Interior Design Challenge Architectural historian Tom Dyckhoff presents the series searching for untapped interior design talent, judged by interior designers Sophie Robinson and Daniel Hopwood.

8.00 Autumnwatch Autumnwatch is back with the best of the season’s wild stories.

9.00 Human Universe Professor Brian Cox explores our origins, place and destiny in the universe. We all start our lives thinking that we are at the centre of the universe, surrounded by our family and the world as it spins around us. But the urge to explore is strong. Brian tells the story of how our innate human curiosity has led us from feeling that we are at the centre of everything, to our modern understanding of our true place in space and time.

10.00 Later Live... with Jools Holland Live music programme.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Wonders Of The Monsoon Series exploring a world where life is shaped by the greatest weather system on Earth.

12.20am Sign Zone: Operation Stonehenge: What Lies Beneath

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ruby is floored by Ali’s confession.

7.30 Wilderness Walks with Ray Mears Outdoorsman Ray Mears returns to some of his favourite – and some of the wildest – places in Britain. In this programme, Ray discovers how in the rugged landscapes of Snowdonia, Britain’s highest mountain, there are forms of wildlife which survive against all the odds and can only be found in this very special part of Wales.

8.00 Midsomer Murders Barnaby and Nelson investigate a series of murders in Midsomer St Claire that seem to be inspired by macabre images on a medieval fresco recently discovered in the church crypt. As the village prepares for storms and flooding, it appears that someone is using ancient torture methods to punish modern-day sinners.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 The Cube Phillip Schofield presents another tension-filled episode of the game show.

11.40 Gems TV Documentary about the Bennett family, who run Britain’s premier retail jewellery business without a single shop.

12.35am Jackpot247 3.00 Loose Women 3.50 ITV Nightscreen Textbased information service.

5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Come Dine With Me 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The McQueen women enjoy some luxury spa pampering, unaware that Nana’s life is in danger.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners Reality series following people who by their own admission are obsessed with cleaning.

9.00 You Can’t Get The Staff Reality series looking at wealthy people as they hire domestic servants. Major General Arthur Sandbach inherited Bryngwyn Hall in Wales after his brother met a grizzly end lion hunting in Somaliland. But today it falls under the command of Auriol Linlithgow. When she took it on in 1986, the house had fallen into dramatic disrepair and since then Auriol and her staff have toiled to bring it back to a civilised state.

10.00 Gogglebox Television review comedy series.

11.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon Ramsay goes back to three of the biggest American kitchen nightmares he has ever faced.

12.00am PokerStars.com Shark Cage 12.55 Trans World Sport 1.50 KOTV Boxing Weekly 2.20 Hever Castle Triathlon 3.15 World Superbikes 3.45 Ironman World Championship 4.40 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.10am Children’s television 7.10 Little Princess 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Rome: The World’s First Superpower 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: The Good Witch’s Gift (2010) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Ricky breaks up a fist fight between Brax and Andy.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 Meerkat Manor Documentary series following a group of meerkats living in the Kalahari desert.

7.30 The Secret Life Of Pets Documentary series exploring the way in which we live with, care for and rely upon our pets. T 8.00 Assault And Robbery: Caught On Camera Documentary.

9.00 CSI: The Last Days Of Jim Brass Crime drama series.

This episode comes to a crashing conclusion when the team open up a cold case after some new evidence, and a dead body, come to light.

10.00 NCIS Crime drama. When a Navy captain is found dead with an unusual costume hidden under his uniform, NCIS uncovers a secret society of real-life super heroes.

10.55 NCIS Drama series. When the team investigate the death of a Navy psychologist working on a special operation to undermine enemy scientists, Gibbs plays mind games with the shrink in charge of ‘Psy-ops’.

11.50 Secrets And Lies Australian drama series.

12.45am True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 1.10 SuperCasino 3.10 Fairground Attractions 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Airline USA 3.30 All Aboard: East Coast Trains 4.30 Emergency With Angela Griffin 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 The Flash 9.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 10.00 A League Of Their Own: Unseen 11.00 Legends 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles 1.00 Hawaii Five-0

7.00pm Don’t Tell The Bride 8.00 Barely Legal Drivers 9.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 10.00 Life Is Toff 10.30 The Revolution Will Be Televised 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Life Is Toff 1.00 The Revolution Will Be Televised 1.30 EastEnders

7.00pm News 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 Great British Railway Journeys 8.30 World War I At Home 9.00 Architects Of The Divine: The First Gothic Age 10.00 The Life And Loves Of A She-Devil 11.00 Supernatural 11.55 Land Of The Lost Wolves 12.55am Easter Island: Mysteries Of A Lost World

12.15pm Emmerdale 12.45 Coronation Street (x2) 1.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 6.00 Royal Pains 7.00 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed! 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Tricked 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.50 FILM: Hot Fuzz (2007) 1.10am Two And A Half Men (x3)

10.55am Inspector Morse 1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 Wild At Heart 3.10 Wycliffe 4.20 Second Thoughts 4.55 Fresh Fields 5.25 On The Buses 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy 7.30 Judge Judy 8.00 The Best Of Royal Variety (x2) 10.00 A Touch Of Frost 11.40 The Vice 12.50am Inspector Morse

4.00pm Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 New Girl 9.30 The Mindy Project 10.00 Tattoos After Dark (x2) 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am Rules Of Engagement x2)

1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me Abroad 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Building The Dream 10.00 Big Fat Gypsy Weddings 11.10 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 11.55 Come Dine With Me Abroad 1.00am Building The Dream

11.00am Breakfast At Tiffany’s (1961) 1.20pm The Iron Giant (1999) 3.00 Across The Wide Missouri (1951) 4.40 The Wizard Of Oz (1939) 6.45 The Women (2008) 9.00 Hitman (2007) 10.55 Layer Cake (2004) 1.00am Secrets And Lies (1996) 4.00 Close

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WEDNESDAY 29 Wentworth Channel Five, 10pm Here’s a thing – they’re not very nice to each other in prison.

Who’d’ve thought it? Even the guards! Ferguson tries to force Doreen to name Will as her baby’s father, Bea uses Maxine’s dependence on her medication to get herself closer to Franky’s gang, and Will goes after Harry Smith. So mean.

Barclaycard Mercury Prize: Live Winner Announcement Channel 4, 10pm It may only be five minutes’ worth but for the shortlisted artists this is make or break time. Hosted by Alice Levine and Nick Grimshaw, and taking place in the Roundhouse in London, this hugely respected industry gong could even give you a few tips for Christmas presents.

Spider House BBC4, 9pm Alice Roberts overcomes her arachnophobia in a house filled with spiders, and friendly entomologist Tim Cockerill. Not so scary when you’re finding out all about web-building, the secrets of fly-catching and the spider-eat-spider world.

Everything you ever wanted to know about spiders, ever.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Best of Brighton Lights 8.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00 Brighton Lights 12.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 Brighton Lights 2.30 Brighton Lights 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Growing Concerns 6.00 News The latest news plus national updates.

6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Post Feature All the latest movie news with Jessica Kellgren-Hayes and Joseph Gunn 7.00 Brighton Lights Entertainment show with presenters Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller.

7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

8.30 Latest Homes Live Pioneering daily property show, a commercial feature, with homes for sale and to let in the area, as well as Exceptional Homes, iconic buildings, local history and finance tips.

10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 QTube The first weekly LGBT magazine programme on British TV. 11.30 What The Waffle 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Post Feature 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 News 1.50 Sport News 1.55 Weather 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Latest Homes Live 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 QTube

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Holiday Of My Lifetime with Len Goodman 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show. Presented by Matt Baker and Alex Jones.

8.00 Waterloo Road School-based drama. Rhiannon takes pride in the virtual baby project but Darren can’t understand why she is taking it so seriously. Carol spots an opportunity to exploit the school when she fakes an injury, but will Vaughan see through her scheming ways?

9.00 The Apprentice Lord Sugar summons the candidates to tell them their next task.

10.00 BBC News At Ten The latest national and international news, with reports from BBC correspondents worldwide.

10.25 South East Today The latest news, sport, weather and features from the South East of England.

10.35 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker is joined by regular team captains Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell for the light-hearted sports quiz. Teams of sporting celebrities tackle rounds such as Mystery Guest and the Picture Board.

11.05 The League Cup Show Action from the League Cup. 12.05am FILM: Scary Movie 4 (2006) 1.20 Weather For The Week Ahead 1.25 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Call The Council 7.45 Close Calls: On Camera 8.15 A Taste Of Britain 9.00 Horizon: Is Your Brain Male Or Female? 10.00 Building Dream Homes 10.30 See Hear 11.00 BBC News 11.30 Daily Politics 1.00pm Cash In The Attic 1.30 Ready Steady Cook 2.15 The Rockford Files 3.00 Cagney And Lacey 3.50 Who Do You Think You Are? 4.50 Great British Railway Journeys 5.20 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball has all the gossip and exclusive news from Strictly Come Dancing.

7.00 The Great Interior Design Challenge Architectural historian Tom Dyckhoff presents the series searching for untapped interior design talent, judged by interior designers Sophie Robinson and Daniel Hopwood.

8.00 Autumnwatch Chris Packham, Martin HughesGames and Michaela Strachan are live from RSPB Leighton Moss on the stunning Lancashire coast.

9.00 Trust Me, I’m A Doctor Going behind the headlines to give the definitive answers to health questions. Does caffeine really help us to stay alert and what are the alternatives? Some surprising ways to boost our brains are put to the test.

10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Dara O’Briain chats to this week’s sack-ee.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Evan Davis.

11.20 The Intruders.

12.05am The Intruders 12.50 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.20 Sign Zone: The Kitchen 2.20 Sign Zone: Doctor Who

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Dan and Kerry’s plan fails miserably. Cain and Aaron pay Maxine a visit. Katie is pleased with Lawrence’s business offer.

7.30 Coronation Street Can Carla bring herself to keep Rob’s secret?

Eileen supports a jittery Michael.

Cilla bids her family goodbye.

8.00 Surprise Surprise Holly Willoughby presents the show that surprises some of the nation’s most deserving and inspirational people.

9.00 Scott & Bailey Drama series.

The discovery of slaves on the Pritchard farm has turned a murder inquiry into a huge, multi-agency investigation. Under investigation for the crash, a devastated Janet finds solace in Chris’s calm reasoning.

When an incandescent Evie Pritchard smells alcohol on Gill’s breath, she has all the ammunition she needs to discredit both the investigation and DCI Gill Murray.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 On Assignment Rageh Omaar presents reports from around the world on stories behind the headlines.

11.15 Through The Keyhole Celebrity Juice star Keith Lemon presents the classic game show.

12.10am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Come Dine With Me 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Carmel is cast out by the McQueens when Theresa finds proof that her cousin is causing all her problems.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 The Supervet Series following vet Noel Fitzpatrick and his team in one of the most advanced veterinary practices in Britain.

9.00 Grand Designs Property series. Tamayo Hussey has missed Japan ever since she moved to the UK with her husband, quantum physics professor Nigel Hussey. To stave off the homesickness the couple have decided to transform a tired old 1960s forester’s lodge into a one-of-a-kind Japanese house complete with roof bath, tatami room and sliding paper walls.

10.00 Barclaycard Mercury Prize: Live Winner Announcement See highlights.

10.05 Grayson Perry: Who are you? Grayson Perry explores identity and portraiture, spending time with people facing a crossroads or a crisis about their identity, and making portraits to reveal the truths about who we are.

11.05 24 Hours In Police Custody 12.05am Educating The East End 1.00 FILM: Vihir (2009) 3.05 FILM: Crooks Anonymous (1962) 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Alex Polizzi’s Secret Italy 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS: Los Angeles 3.15 FILM: Meltdown: Days Of Destruction (2006) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Brax tries to support Josh in his decision to block Andy from his life by agreeing to teach Josh how to drive.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in south Yorkshire.

8.00 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door Documentary series about Britain’s feuding neighbours, using CCTV footage and material from victims’ own cameras.

9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away Documentary series revealing the work of bailiffs and repossession agents. In this episode, armed with a High Court writ, Paul and Steve have to call for police back-up after finding something very suspicious in a London Dockland’s flat, Brian and Graham play hard ball at Swindon Town FC and Paul and Ben find out there are two sides to the coin when evicting a family from a home in Kent.

10.00 Wentworth Prison See highlights.

11.00 Inside Holloway First of a two-part documentary about Holloway prison.

12.00am Dallas 12.50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 1.15 SuperCasino 3.10 Underground Britain 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 The Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

11.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Airline USA 3.30 All Aboard: East Coast Trains 4.30 Emergency With Angela Griffin 5.30 Futurama (x20 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 FILM: The Jewel Of The Nile (1985) 10.00 Legends 11.00 Forever 12.00am NCIS: Los Angeles (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Hotel Of Mum And Dad 9.00 People Like Us 10.00 Sweat The Small Stuff 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Sweat The Small Stuff 1.00 People Like Us 2.00 Russell Howard’s Good News 2.30 The Revolution Will Be Televised

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 What Do Artists Do All Day? 8.30 The Wonder Of Animals 9.00 Spider House. See highlights. 10.30 FILM: The Swarm (1978) 1.00am California Comes To The Whistle Test 2.00 What Do Artists Do All Day? 2.30 Spider House

12.45pm I’m A Celebrity...

Trials And Tribulations 1.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 6.00 Royal Pains 7.00 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed! 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Freshers 10.00 The Job Lot 10.30 Plebs 11.00 Release The Hounds 12.00am Two And A Half Men (x4)

10.55am Inspector Morse 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.05 Wycliffe 4.20 Second Thoughts 4.50 Fresh Fields 5.25 On The Buses 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 Long Lost Family 10.00 Wycliffe 11.10 The Vice 12.20am The Specsavers Crime Thriller Awards 2014

3.00pm Rules Of Engagement (x2) 4.00 Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey 8.00 FILM: Footloose (1984) 10.10 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 11.10 Drifters 11.40 Made In Chelsea 12.45am Glue

3.35pm Come Dine With Me Abroad 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Father Ted 9.30 Barclaycard Mercury Prize Live 10.20 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown 11.25 Was It Something I Said? 11.55 Father Ted 12.25am 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown

11.00am Marmaduke (2010) 12.45pm Calamity Jane (1953) 2.50 Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines (1965) 5.30 The Black Knight (1954) 7.15 Jumper (2008) 9.00 Beasts Of The Southern Wild (2012) 10.55 Inglourious Basterds (2009) 1.55am Deep End (1970) 3.50 Close

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THURSDAY 30 The Great Fire ITV1, 9pm More drama outlining the historical events surrounding the Great Fire of London, that took place in 1666. The King’s not happy, as it would seem that his orders to create fire-breaks have been ignored by his advisors.

What’s the point of being king if people don’t do what you say?

Especially when it’s sensible ...

The Sham Wedding Crashers Channel 5, 9pm The truth behind the ‘Green Card’ rumours and urban legends is sought out by investigative journalist Paul Connolly. He goes undercover to find out how over an estimated 10,000 sham weddings are arranged each year, how willing grooms are found, and how much they pay.

Detectorists BBC4, 10pm The comedy series that beeps has got to the point where Andy, Lance, Becky and Sophie are hardly talking to each other, and their secrets are on a fine edge to being revealed. Are they all just victims of a smear job? The cads! It’s probably got something to do with everyone wanting to move in on Bishop’s Farm.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00pm Brighton Lights 12.30 Post Feature 1.00 The Vote 1.30 Cook It! 2.00 Brighton Lights 2.30 Brighton Lights 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Bowlegs 6.00 News The latest local news plus national updates.

6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Latest Sport Preview The Latest Sports team preview the sport coming up this weekend.

7.00 Brighton Lights Entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond.

7.30 Albion Night The Seagulls’ weekly show with Latest Sport.

Featuring news about the squads and competitions, classic games from the club’s archives and much more.

8.30 Albion Night More from the Seagulls’ weekly show.

9.30 Albion Night More from the Seagulls’ weekly show.

10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Bowlegs Live music and interviews with the artists, presented by Julian Tardo.

11.30 Post Feature The latest movie news with Jessica Kellgren-Hayes and Joseph Gunn.

12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Latest Sport Preview 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 Albion Night 2.30 Albion Night 3.30 Albion Night 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Bowlegs 5.30 Post Feature

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Dot worries when she feels that Nick is still alive but can Charlie cover?

8.00 Watchdog Consumer magazine which exposes high-street scandals, confronts cowboys and conducts special investigations.

9.00 Life Story David Attenborough explores how animals attempt to overcome the challenges that face them at each of the six crucial stages of life as they strive towards ultimate success - passing on their genes. This episode follows animals as they grow up in the adult world, developing new skills and learning how to survive on their own. A tiger cub grows up in a very dangerous society. She needs the support of both parents if she is to become an independent adult, but the appearance of a rival to her father may change everything.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby presents the topical debate from Taunton in Somerset, with a panel including Green Party MP Caroline Lucas.

11.35 This Week A political review of the week with Andrew Neil, Michael Portillo and guests.

12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 BBC News

BBC2

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Call The Council 7.50 Close Calls: On Camera 8.20 A Taste Of Britain 9.05 Long Shadow 10.05 Gardeners’ World 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Cash In The Attic 1.30 Ready Steady Cook 2.15 The Rockford Files 3.00 Cagney And Lacey 3.50 Who Do You Think You Are? 4.50 Great British Railway Journeys 5.20 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball presents all the backstage gossip and behind-thescenes action.

7.00 The Great Interior Design Challenge Architectural historian Tom Dyckhoff presents the series searching for untapped interior design talent, judged by interior designers Sophie Robinson and Daniel Hopwood.

8.00 Autumnwatch The best of the season’s wildlife with Chris Packham, Martin Hughes-Games and Michaela Strachan, live from their base on the Lancashire coast.

9.00 Peaky Blinders Period crime drama set in Birmingham. Tommy is caught by surprise when his powerbase in London is obliterated.

As Tommy struggles to save his family and regain the upper hand, May expresses her feelings for him, and he is paid a visit by an old friend.

10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News Russell Howard returns with his unique and quirky take on the week’s global headlines and bizarre news stories.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 The Afghan War 12.20am Sign Zone: Rwanda’s Untold Story

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Charity seizes an opportunity to help Cain.

7.30 Trouble With Numbers: Tonight Jonathan Maitland looks at the problem of poor numeracy among the UK’s population.

8.00 Emmerdale Cain and Moira appreciate Charity’s efforts.

8.30 Paul O’Grady: For The Love Of Dogs Woofy affection.

9.00 The Great Fire See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 My Grandfather Dylan It is 100 years since the birth of Dylan Thomas and all over Wales, people are celebrating the poet and author of Under Milk Wood. But his granddaughter Hannah Ellis feels that the image of the roaring boyo with a fag in his hand needs to be replaced with the story of a dedicated craftsman who loved the Welsh countryside and sea towns. Featuring performances by Michael Sheen.

11.15 Wilderness Walks With Ray Mears Outdoorsman Ray Mears returns to some of his favourite – and some of the wildest – places in Britain.

11.45 River Monsters Extreme angler Jeremy Wade travels to Florida.

12.15am Jackpot247 3.00 Trouble With Numbers: Tonight 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Come Dine With Me 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The McQueens are shocked to discover the truth about Nana’s accident, while Carmel’s life is on the line.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces George Clarke meets the man trying to build the first UFOstyled pre-fabricated Futuro house seen in this country for half a century, but with the kit in 16 pieces, he struggles to bring this retro vision of the future back to life.

9.00 24 Hours In A&E Documentary series following patients at at St George’s Hospital in south west London. The St George’s trauma team fight to save the life of a young woman after a horrific motorbike accident.

10.00 Scrotal Recall Sitcom.

10.30 8 Out Of 10 Cats Topical comedy panel show. Host Jimmy Carr is joined by team captains Jon Richardson and Sean Lock.

11.20 The Sex Clinic Observational series.

12.15am Embarrassing Bodies 1.15 One Born Every Minute 2.10 Shop Secrets: Tricks Of The Trade 2.35 Benefits Britain: Channel 4 Dispatches 3.05 Unreported World 3.35 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 4.30 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.10am Children’s television 7.10 Little Princess 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Marilyn Monroe: The Missing Evidence 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Sacrifices Of The Heart (2007) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Matt and Sasha try to organise a last minute Market Day to raise the money for the Year 12 formal dance, enlisting Sophie and Leah to help.

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 The Gadget Show Action-packed consumer show showcasing the latest technology.

8.00 Underground Britain Documentary series in which engineer Rob Bell explores the subterranean world beneath our feet.

In this episode, Rob explores beneath the green and pleasant land of central England from Mansfield to Buckinghamshire, with a diversion over to East Anglia.

9.00 The Sham Wedding Crashers See highlights.

10.00 Inside Holloway Second of a two-part documentary about Europe’s largest women’s prison, looking at some of its more famous and infamous inmates and the treatment of prisoners from the latter half of the 20th century to the present day.

Stories include Ruth Ellis, the last woman in Britain to be hanged.

11.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Documentary series revealing the work of bailiffs and repossession agents.

12.00am SuperCasino 3.10 Rome: The World’s First Superpower 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 The Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

11.00am Hawaii Five-0 (x2) 1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Airline USA 3.30 Greatest Little Britons 4.30 Emergency With Angela Griffin 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Arrow 9.00 Forever 10.00 The Last Ship 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 12.00am FILM: Freddy vs Jason (2003) 1.50 Hawaii Five-0 (x2)

7.00pm Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 8.00 Gavin & Stacey (x2) 9.00 Make Me A Muslim 10.00 FILM: Drive (2011) 11.35 Family Guy (x3) 12.45am Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents 1.45 EastEnders 2.15 Life Is Toff 2.45 In Deep 3.00 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Top Of The Pops: 1979 8.00 Mars: A Horizon Guide 9.00 Operation Jericho 10.00 Detectorists. See highlights. 10.30 The Art Of Gothic: Britain’s Midnight Hour 11.30 Jet! When Britain Ruled The Skies 12.30am Top Of The Pops: 1979 1.10 Sounds Of The Eighties 1.40 Detectorists

12.45pm Coronation Street 1.15 You’ve Been Framed!

1.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! 5.30 Royal Pains 6.25 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 9.00 Scorpion 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.50 Plebs 11.15 Dapper Laughs: On The Pull 11.45 Tricked 12.45am Two And A Half Men (x2)

10.55am Inspector Morse 1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 Wild At Heart 3.05 Wycliffe 4.20 Second Thoughts 4.55 Fresh Fields 5.25 On The Buses 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 Joanna Lumley’s Greek Odyssey 10.00 Blue Murder 11.00 The Vice 12.15am FILM: Parenthood (1989)

4.00pm Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 Drifters 9.30 2 Broke Girls 10.00 New Girl 10.30 The Inbetweeners 11.00 The IT Crowd 11.35 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.35am Glue

1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me: South Africa 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 Homes By The Sea 10.00 FILM: Source Code (2011) 11.50 Embarrassing Fat Bodies 12.55am Come Dine With Me: South Africa

11.00am In The City Of Sylvia (2007) 12.45pm The Tooth Fairy (2010) 2.55 The History Of Mr Polly (1949) 4.50 Lassie Come Home (1943) 6.40 Fair Game (2010) 9.00 Tower Heist (2011) 11.05 The Final Destination (2009) 12.45am Tiny Furniture (2010) 2.40 Mr Turner Interview Special

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FRIDAY 31 Unreported World Channel 4, 7.35pm Electricity is the way forward, we have been told, and as it spreads across India reporter Krishnan Guru-Murphy and director Hugo Ward follow to find out whether it is helping the country to develop or seriously impacting upon the environment in a negative manner, as many protesters claim.

Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D Channel 4, 8pm What do you do if you’re cornered? Well, if you’re Coulson and you’re trying to keep your team safe, you put everyone right in the line of attack. Mr C, is that really wise with General Talbot, Hydra and Creel all after your lovely possé? This could be a very short second series.

Modern Family Sky1, 6pm It’s spooky and it’s creepy, and Claire is going all out to dress the household for Halloween. And this is Halloween in the States, so there are no measly little witch masks or homemade ghost costumes here. Thing is, just because she’s got into it doesn’t mean the rest of the Dunphy’s share her passion. Ho hum.

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 Best of Brighton Lights 9.00 The Vote 9.30 Cook It! 10.00 Latest Homes Live 12.00pm Albion Night 1.00 Albion Night 2.00 Albion Night 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 What The Waffle 5.30 Bowlegs

6.00pm News The latest local news plus national and international updates.

6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 The Newspapers 7.00 Brighton Lights A nightly entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller. Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond.

7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 Cook It! Andrew Kay presents the ‘how to’ cookery programme.

8.30 News 8.50 Sport News 8.55 Weather 9.00 Shocktober 9.30 Bored Gamers Greg and Jim present a weekly show for gaming enthusiasts.

10.30 Modern Toss The stink of excellence in a world gone tits-up!

Comedy animation and live-action series. Lots of swearing.

11.00 Cate Ferris: Live At The Latest 12.00am Shocktober 12.30 QTube 1.30 Bored Gamers 2.30 Modern Toss 3.00 Bowlegs 4.00 Modern Toss 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Cate Ferris: Live At The Latest

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Lighthearted sports quiz, with Sue Barker.

8.00 EastEnders The Halloween party is in full flow at The Vic but will the celebrations go to plan?

8.30 Citizen Khan Sitcom. When the family arrives back from a trip to Pakistan with Mr Khan’s mother-inlaw in tow, Mr Khan is lumbered with looking after her.

9.00 Have I Got News For You Topical comedy quiz show. Team captains are Private Eye editor Ian Hislop and comedian Paul Merton.

9.30 Not Going Out Sitcom featuring happy-go-lucky Lee, his landlady Lucy and their friends. Lucy decides it is time to have a baby.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show Among the guests on Graham’s sofa: Oscar-winning actors Matthew McConaughey and Anne Hathaway, who appear in new film Interstellar, creator of TV show Girls, Lena Dunham, comedian Micky Flanagan and musical guest Sia. 11.20 The Secrets Series of stand-alone dramas.

11.50 EastEnders A chance to catch up on the week’s drama.

1.45am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.50 BBC News

BBC2

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Call The Council 7.50 Close Calls: On Camera 8.20 A Taste Of Britain 9.05 £100k House: Tricks Of The Trade 10.05 Sea City 10.35 The Travel Show 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Cash In The Attic 1.30 Ready Steady Cook 2.15 The Rockford Files 3.00 Cagney And Lacey 3.50 Who Do You Think You Are? 4.50 Great British Railway Journeys 5.20 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball takes a sneak peek into rehearsals.

7.00 Mastermind The subjects are the films of John Hughes, King David I of Scotland, Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Iggy Pop. 7.30 Autumnwatch Unsprung Discussion and debate with the Autumnwatch presenters.

8.00 Autumnwatch At the end of an action-packed week, Chris Packham, Michaela Strachan and Martin Hughes-Games report live on all the wildlife stories from their base on the Lancashire coast.

9.00 Tom Kerridge’s Best Ever Dishes Michelin-starred chef Tom Kerridge shows how to cook the best ever versions of the food everyone loves to eat. In this episode he cooks dishes based on some of his favourites from his childhood.

9.30 Gardeners’ World Gardening magazine. Monty Don prepares his garden for winter and takes stock of his year at Longmeadow.

10.00 QI Quiz show 10.30 Newsnight 11.05 Later... With Jools Holland Jools Holland’s iconic music programme.

12.05am FILM: The Witchfinder General (1968) 1.30 FILM: The Devil’s Backbone (2001) 3.10 Sign Zone: Question Time

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jimmy is left devastated at Juliette’s admission.

7.30 Coronation Street A jubilant Tracy prepares to marry the love of her life.

8.00 Secrets From The Sky Bettany Hughes and Ben Robinson presents a unique look at Britain’s past by taking to the air in a bid to unlock secrets hidden in the landscape.

8.30 Coronation Street Will Rob and Tracy get their happily ever after?

9.00 Lewis Crime drama series. The team’s abilities are sorely tested when they investigate the murders of American classics student Rose Anderson and her lover Felix Garwood. While Lewis attempts to discern the logic behind the killings, DS Lizzie Maddox continues to hunt for drug dealer Harrison Sax. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 The Job Lot Sitcom. In this final episode of the series, a Saturday health and wellbeing workshop with a neighbouring branch makes Karl much more relaxed than he wants to be, presenting Natalie with a big decision.

11.10 FILM: Paranormal Activity (2007) Starring Katie Featherston, Micah Sloat. Hit low-budget horror.

12.45am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.10 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Come Dine With Me 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks The McQueens fear for Carmel’s life.

Ste’s drug habit leaves him in deep trouble with Lockie, but it is John Paul who pays the price.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World See highlights.

8.00 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. See highlights.

9.00 Gogglebox Television review comedy series in which TV fanatics open up their living rooms to reveal their reactions to popular and topical shows.

10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr is joined by Dermot O’Leary, who dishes the dirt on all things X Factor and talks about his new book The Soundtrack to My Life.

Hollywood superstar Elijah Wood also pops in to chat about his new film Set Fire to the Stars, while music is from Paloma Faith who performs her latest song Ready for the Good Life live in the studio.

11.05 Scrotal Recall Sitcom.

11.40 Barclaycard Mercury Prize Awards Show Full coverage of this year’s event from the Roundhouse in London hosted by Nick Grimshaw and Alice Levine.

12.50am FILM: Changing Lanes (2001) 2.35 Boss 3.35 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 4.30 River Cottage Bites 4.45 Location, Location, Location

Channel Five

6.00 – 6.55am Children’s television 6.55 Pip Ahoy! 7.05 Milkshake!

Monkey 7.10 Little Princess 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Underground Britain 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Oliver’s Ghost (2011) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Phoebe and Denny return to run a second-hand clothes stall at Market Day. 6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 World War II In Colour Documentary series bringing history to life with the aid of the latest research and modern technology.

8.00 Rome: The World’s First Superpower Documentary series. Award-winning actor and Roman history enthusiast Larry Lamb reveals how Rome’s power spread across the Mediterranean after nearly being wiped out by the Gauls.

9.00 Alex Polizzi’s Secret Italy Alex Polizzi uncoves the unknown delights of Le Merche before meeting up with an old boyfriend for a tour of the back streets of Rome.

10.00 Body Of Proof Crime drama. A murder carried out by a man infected with rabies leads to the discovery of a killer who is harvesting human organs.

10.55 NCIS: Los Angeles Spin-off drama series. The team investigates the death of a sailor involved in illegal street-racing.

11.55 FILM: Poltergeist (1982) Starring JoBeth Williams, Craig T Nelson, Beatrice Straight, Heather O’Rourke. Chilling horror.

1.50am SuperCasino 3.10 Burglars And Break-Ins: Caught On Camera 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 The Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Victoria Nangle

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3.00pm Airline USA 3.30 Greatest Little Britons 4.30 Emergency With Angela Griffin 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Modern Family. See highlights. 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 The Last Ship 9.00 A League Of Their Own: Unseen (x2) 10.00 FILM: Freddy vs Jason (2003) 11.50 Modern Family 12.20am Futurama

7.00pm Hotel Of Mum And Dad 8.00 Traffic Cops 9.00 The Millionaire Preacher – Reggie Yates’s Extreme South Africa 10.00 Bad Education 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x4) 12.30am Some Girls (x2) 1.30 Sweat The Small Stuff 2.00 Bad Education 2.30 Life Is Toff 3.00 The Revolution Will Be Televised

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Concerto At The BBC Proms 8.00 Rule Britannia!

Music, Mischief And Morals In The 18th Century 9.00 Classic Albums 10.00 Goth At The BBC 11.00 Brothers In Arms 12.00am Alice Cooper: Brutally Live 1.30 Classic Albums 2.25 Goth At The BBC 3.25 Sounds Of The Eighties

1.50pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! Calendar Special 6.00 Royal Pains 7.00 FILM: Casper (1995) 9.00 Educating Joey Essex: Reem Halloween 10.00 Release The Hounds 11.00 Celebrity Juice: Halloween Special 11.50 FILM: House Of Wax (2005) 2.00am Dapper Laughs: On The Pull

10.55am Inspector Morse 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 Wild At Heart 3.05 Wycliffe 4.20 Second Thoughts 4.55 Fresh Fields 5.25 On The Buses 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 Love Your Garden 10.00 Blue Murder 11.05 The Vice 12.15am FILM: Interview With The Vampire (1994)

4.00pm Melissa & Joey 4.30 Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory 8.30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 9.00 FILM: Limitless (2011) 11.05 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.05am Tattoos After Dark (x2) 1.10 Drifters

10.00am Four Rooms 11.05 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 11.25 FILM: The Drum (1938) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me Abroad 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 FILM: Green Zone (2010) 11.15 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 12.00am Father Ted (x2)

11.00am Master Of Ballantrae (1953) 12.50pm The Parent Trap (1961) 3.30 Arizona Raiders (1965) 5.20 Brief Encounter (1945) 7.05 Hocus Pocus (1993) 9.00 Van Helsing (2004) 11.40 Rec 3 Genesis (2012) 1.20am Inferno (1980) 3.35 Close

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SATURDAY 1 The X Factor ITV1, 8pm This week’s fright night themed, meaning huge amounts of backcombing and time to crack open the face paints in a bid to stay in the country’s biggest talent competition, and a possible Christmas number one single.

Who will be Monster Mashing and who will Time Warp? Tune in and see.

Doctor Who BBC1, 8.15pm If this picture is to be believed, this is the week the Doctor and the Cybermen meet Mary Poppins. This is why it’s good to have a bit more than a picture.

The mysterious world of the Neversphere is coming into play, and Missy is about to come face to face with the Doctor. Bit more than Chim-chim-cheree here.

Celebrity Juice: Halloween Special ITV2, 11pm You can be sure that stops will be pulled out for this one, and it will be every single stop in the shop.

Keith Lemon’s good at that.

Joining him for this spooky special are Jimmy Carr, Chris Ramsey, Top Gear’s Richard Hammond, Caroline Flack, Gino D’Acampo and Fearne Cotton.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Cate Ferris: Live At The Latest 9.00 Matchday Breakfast 11.00 Matchday Breakfast 1.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 2.00 Matchday Breakfast 4.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 5.00 Post Feature 5.30 Cook It!

6.00 Best of Brighton Lights 6.30 Bowlegs Bowlegs Music on Film presents live music sessions and interviews with the artists. Presented

by Julian Tardo.

7.00 Brighton Lights A nightly entertainment show presented by Guy Lloyd and Lynn Ruth Miller.

Expect to see all the talent from Brighton and beyond.

7.30 You Make It, We Show It! 8.00 News 8.20 Sport News 8.25 Weather 8.30 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 9.30 QTube Weekly LGBT magazine programme.

10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 11.30 Bored Gamers 12.30am News 12.50 Sport News 12.55 Weather 1.00 Shocktober 1.30 FilmFest on 8 3.30 Bored Gamers 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 You Make It, We Show It! 5.30 Bowlegs

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 James Martin: Home Comforts 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 Football Focus 12.50 Saturday Sportsday 1.00 Bargain Hunt 2.00 Homes Under The Hammer 3.00 Escape To The Country 4.00 Final Score 5.25 BBC News 5.35 South East Today 5.40 Pointless Celebrities

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing Celebrities pair up with professional dancers in this dancing competition.

Hosted by Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly.

8.15 Doctor Who See highlights.

9.00 Casualty On local derby day, Cal treats a woman with relationship trouble, Ash can’t function at work and a pre-match fight ends with tragic consequences.

9.50 The National Lottery Live The National Lottery Live hosted by Gaby Roslin, including the Lotto and Thunderball draws and featuring a special performance by Sheryl Crow, who also pushes the Lotto button.

10.00 BBC News 10.20 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights from seven Premier League matches, including the lunchtime kick-off between Newcastle United and Liverpool. It is 40 years since the last goalless draw between the sides, who have produced some thrilling encounters down the years. Last year’s game at St James’ Park was no exception - Liverpool twice hit back from a goal down to earn a 2-2 draw.

11.45 The Football League Show Manish Bhasin presents highlights from all three divisions of the Football League.

1.05am Weather For The Week Ahead 1.10 BBC News

BBC2

6.15am FILM: Scarlet Thread (1951) 7.30 FILM: The Quick Gun (1964) 9.00 The Private Life Of Plants 9.50 The Private Life Of Plants 10.40 The Private Life Of Plants 11.30 Map Man 12.00pm The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking With Rachel Khoo 12.30 Puttin’ On The Ritz 12.45 FILM: That’s Entertainment, Part 2 (1976) 2.45 FILM: Show Boat (1951) 4.30 The Great Interior Design Challenge 5.30 Flog It! 6.30 Gardeners’ World Gardening magazine. Monty Don prepares his garden for winter.

7.00 Restoring England’s Heritage Historian Tom Holland visits a hospital built in memory of an explorer killed by an elephant.

7.30 The Greatest Knight: William The Marshal Documentary about the adventures, life and times of William Marshal, one of the world’s greatest knights.

8.30 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. Captain Mainwaring and his platoon are instructed to guard a captive U-boat crew.

9.00 Frankenstein And The Vampyre: A Dark And Stormy Night Dramatised documentary based on letters, journals and diaries, exploring of one of the most significant moments in Gothic history - the night when Mary Shelley, Lord Byron and their cohorts gathered together in Lake Geneva to tell ghost stories. The night when Frankenstein and the modern vampire were born.

10.00 Formula 1: The US Grand Prix – Qualifying Highlights Suzi Perry introduces highlights of qualifying for the US Grand Prix.

11.15 QI XL Quiz show.

12.00am TOTP2 Halloween Special 1.00 FILM: Silkwood (1983) 3.05 FILM: Walkabout (1971) 4.30 Rugby League: Four Nations – Australia V England

ITV1

6.00am Fort Boyard: Ultimate Challenge 6.25 Pat & Stan 6.35 Pat & Stan 6.40 Dino Dan: Trek’s Adventures 7.05 Canimals (x2) 7.20 Signed Stories: Share A Story 7.25 Sooty 7.35 Mr Bean 7.50 The Matt Hatter Chronicles 8.15 Horrid Henry 8.30 The Munch Box 9.25 The Hungry Sailors 10.20 Murder, She Wrote 11.20 News 11.25 Storage Hoarders 12.25pm Surprise Surprise 1.25 The Unforgettable Sid James 2.00 Doc Martin 3.00 Keep It In The Family 4.00 FILM: The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor (2008) 6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.15 ITV News; Weather 6.30 New You’ve Been Framed!

Surreal comedy meets slapstick – as Harry Hill welcomes us to his world of home videos. In tonight’s show, some unbelievable pregnancy reactions, a dog ruins a living room and Nan does a cheeky striptease!

Also, teenagers with a death wish and the schoolkids who replaced their nativity play with a stage version of The Exorcist.

7.00 The Chase: Celebrity Special 8.00 The X Factor See highlights.

10.00 The Jonathan Ross Show Jonathan welcomes film star Keira Knightley, Great British Bake-Off hunk Paul Hollywood, Welsh rugby hero and gay icon Gareth Thomas, and Have I Got News for You’s Paul Merton. There is also music from one of this year’s biggest bands, London Grammar.

11.05 ITV News; Weather 11.20 FILM: Bloody Sunday (2002) Starring James Nesbitt, Nicholas Farrell, Kathy Kiera Clarke, Allan Gildea. The story of the events of 30 January 1972, when British soldiers shot dead 13 unarmed civilians taking part in a civil rights march in Derry.

1.20am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.40 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.05am Helly Hansen Beauty And The Beast Marathon 7.00 Cycling: Revolution Series 7.55 The Morning Line 9.00 Weekend Kitchen 10.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.30 Frasier 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.55 The Simpsons 12.30pm Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.35 Come Dine With Me 6.05 Come Dine With Me Reality series in which people compete to host the best dinner party.

6.35 Channel 4 News 7.05 Speed With Guy Martin Motorcycle racer and lorry mechanic Guy Martin continues to explore the boundaries of speed. In the first challenge of series two, Guy gets back on a bike to see how far he can cycle during 24 hours of non-stop pedalling.

8.00 Walking Through History: Victoria And Albert’s Highland Fling Tony Robinson goes on another walk through some of Britain’s most historic landscapes in search of the richest stories from our past.

9.00 FILM: Red (2010) Starring Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren. Action thriller. A former CIA agent reassembles his former team when he discovers that the new head of the organisation wants to have him and his old colleagues assassinated.

11.10 FILM: Babylon AD (2008) Starring Vin Diesel, Melanie Thierry, Michelle Yeoh, Lambert Wilson and Mark Strong. Sci-fi thriller. A tough mercenary is hired to transport a girl from Russia to New York.

12.55am Rude Tube 1.50 Hollyoaks Omnibus 3.55 Location, Location, Location 4.50 Phil: Secret Agent Down Under 5.45 NFL: The American Football Show

Channel Five

6.00 – 8.10am Children’s television 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Wanda And The Alien 8.40 Zack And Quack 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 Jelly Jamm 9.30 LazyTown 10.00 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 10.35 Access 10.50 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 11.50 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away 12.50pm Alex Polizzi’s Secret Italy 1.50 FILM: A Christmas Visitor (2002) 3.35 FILM: A Carol Christmas (2003) 5.15 FILM: The Town Christmas Forgot (2010) 7.00 5 News Weekend 7.05 Marilyn Monroe: The Missing Evidence Documentary supporting the claim that the death of Marilyn Monroe was not suicide, as in the official verdict.

8.05 World War II In Colour Documentary series. This episode highlights the diminishing power of German forces in the east as the might of the Red Army swept Hitler’s forces out of Russia.

9.00 Gotham Drama series set in pre-Batman Gotham City. Gordon and Bullock are on the trail of a vigilante who takes the law into his own hands by attaching people of dubious morals to huge weather balloons, then letting them float off into oblivion.

10.00 FILM: The New Daughter (2009) Starring Kevin Costner, Ivana Baquero, Samantha Mathis. Thriller.

Following the breakdown of his marriage, a man moves his two children to rural South Carolina to live on a property with an American Indian burial mound. His daughter becomes obsessed with the mound and begins to exhibit strange behaviour the more she visits it.

12.05am SuperCasino 3.10 The Da Vinci Code: The True Story 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 Make It Big 4.50 Make It Big 5.15 Angels Of Jarm 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.30 Angels Of Jarm 5.40 Roary The Racing Car (x2) Victoria Nangle

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BBC4

ITV2

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1.00pm WWE: Smackdown 3.00 Inside RAF Brize Norton 4.00 The Middle (x2) 5.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 8.00 Hawaii Five-0 9.00 FILM: Miracle On 34th Street (1994) 11.10 An Idiot Abroad: The Short Way Round 12.10am NCIS: Los Angeles 1.10 Road Wars

7.00pm Great Movie Mistakes III: Not In 3D 8.00 Top Gear 9.00 Sherlock 10.30 Live At The Apollo 11.00 Family Guy (x7) 1.40am The Revolution Will Be Televised 2.10 Bad Education (x2) 3.10 Bad Education: The Finale 3.40 Jenny Bede: AAA

7.00pm Land Of The Lost Wolves 8.00 Maps: Power, Plunder And Possession 9.00 Inspector Montalbano 10.35 Country At The BBC 12.05am Land Of The Lost Wolves 1.05 Sounds Of The Eighties 1.35 Top Of The Pops: 1979 2.05 Classic Albums 2.55 Maps: Power, Plunder And Possession

1.15pm You’ve Been Framed! 1.50 FILM: Honey (2003) 3.45 FILM: The Little Vampire (2000) 5.40 FILM: Casper (1995) 7.35 FILM: Back To The Future, Part III (1990) 10.00 The Xtra Factor 11.00 Celebrity Juice: Halloween Special. See highlights. 11.45 The Job Lot 12.15am The X Factor 2.15 Fake Reaction

6.00am World Kitchen 6.25 Columbo: Lovely But Lethal 7.50 The Royal (x2) 9.55 The Darling Buds Of May 11.05 The Darling Buds Of May 12.10pm Wycliffe 1.20 A Touch Of Frost 3.35 Inspector Morse 5.55 Endeavour 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Midsomer Murders 11.00 Bomb Girls 12.00am A Touch Of Frost

12.00pm How I Met Your Mother (x2) 1.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 1.30 FILM: The Grinch (2000) 3.40 Rude(ish) Tube 4.00 Made In Chelsea 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x6) 9.00 FILM: Footloose (1984) 11.10 The Big Bang Theory 11.40 The Inbetweeners 12.10am How I Met Your Mother

9.15am Time Team Special 10.10 FILM: Tora! Tora!

Tora! (1970) 1.00pm Four In A Bed (x5) 3.40 Homes By The Sea 4.50 FILM: The Italian Job (1969) 6.50 Nazi Megastructures 8.00 Father Ted (x2) 9.05 8 Out Of 10 Cats (x2) 10.45 Date My Porn Star 11.50 8 Out Of 10 Cats (x2) 1.30am Date My Porn Star

11.00am The Long Memory (1953) 1.00pm Dragonball Evolution (2009) 2.40 Marmaduke (2010) 4.30 Mad Money (2008) 6.35 Water For Elephants (2011) 9.00 Red Lights (2012) 11.15 The Evil Dead (1981) 1.00am Gozu (2003) 3.45 Close

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042_LS702_TV_sun_L7wed14apr.qxd 23/10/2014 17:57 Page 1

SUNDAY 2 FILM: Beetlejuice Channel Five, 7.15pm Remember when Alec Baldwin could play wholesome? We know! Isn’t that just a millennia ago? Check it out, along with Geena Davis playing ‘sweet’, as Michael Keaton’s funky poltergeist-on-a-mission helps to make the template of Tim Burton films yet to come. Oh, and a fabulously spooky calypso.

Homeland Channel 4, 9pm More cloak and dagger espionage, as Carrie tries to negotiate a delicate alliance with her counterpart at Pakistan’s secretive Inter Services Intelligence. Her job’s not over though, as Fara is less than successful in recruiting a key asset, leaving it up to Carrie to intervene. No rest ...

Life Is Toff BBC3, 10.45pm Ever since the Fulfords, with their colourful language, first sprang into our awareness, there’s been a certain fascination with the posh clan who seem to wander wild. This new series follows the family as the kids come of age, with them grappling with everything from a hole in the wall, to supporting the estate.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 9.00 The Vote 9.30 The Vote 10.00 The Vote 10.30 At The Amex 11.30 Brighton Lights 12.00pm Brighton Lights 12.30 Brighton Lights 1.00 Brighton Lights 1.30 At The Amex 2.30 Best of Brighton Lights 3.00 Latest Homes Live 5.00 Growing Concerns 5.30 News 5.50 Sport News 5.55 Weather 6.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

6.30 International Chef Exchange 7.30 At The Amex 8.30 News 8.50 Sport News 8.55 Weather 9.00 FilmFest on 8 Presenter Jessica Kellgren-Hayes introduces Latest TV’s very own weekly film festival, a dedicated film night for movies, shorts, and brand new work from filmmakers.

11.00 You Make It, We Show It! 11.30 The Buzz With Chuck Thomas 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 FilmFest on 8 2.30 News 2.50 Sport News 2.55 Weather 3.00 FilmFest on 8 5.00 News 5.20 Sport News 5.25 Weather 5.30 You Make It, We Show It!

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 7.30 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Sunday Morning Live 11.00 Sunday Politics 12.15pm MOTD2 Extra 1.00 BBC News 1.15 Bargain Hunt 2.00 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 2.45 Lost Treasures Of The Sikh Kingdom 3.15 Escape To The Country 4.00 Points Of View 4.15 Songs Of Praise 4.50 Life Story 5.50 BBC News 6.10 South East Today 6.20 Countryfile 7.20 Strictly Come Dancing: The Results Results from the latest round of the celebrity ballroom dancing competition.

8.00 Antiques Roadshow In a special episode from the Somme battlefields, Fiona Bruce and a small group of experts meet families bringing poignant stories of courage and humanity in wartime. Letters, photographs, paintings and everyday family items provide an intimate and revealing insight into the events of World War I and their impact on a generation.

9.00 Death In Paradise Detective drama series. When a British policeman is found murdered in a locked room on the tiny paradise island of Saint-Marie, Detective Inspector Richard Poole is sent to investigate. He’s the perfect man to solve the case. Unfortunately for Richard, he hates sun, sea and sand.

10.00 BBC News 10.20 South East Today 10.30 Formula 1: The US Grand Prix Highlights Suzi Perry introduces highlights of the US Grand Prix at the Circuit of the Americas in Austin, Texas.

12.00am The Apprentice 1.00 FILM: Girl From Rio (2003) 2.35 Weather For The Week Ahead 2.40 BBC News

BBC2

7.30am Countryfile 8.30 Gardeners’ World 9.00 The Football League Show 10.20 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11.50 James Martin: Home Comforts 12.20pm Exploring China: A Culinary Adventure 1.20 FILM: Waterloo (1969) 3.30 Flog It! Trade Secrets 4.00 Inside The Animal Mind 5.00 Rugby League: Four Nations – Highlights

6.00 Britain’s Classroom Heroes Dan Snow, along with David Cameron, Catherine Tate, Ainsley Harriot and Louis Smith join together to celebrate Britain’s Classroom Heroes at the Guildhall in London.

7.00 Human Universe Professor Brian Cox explores our origins, place and destiny in the universe. Brian tells the story of how our innate human curiosity has led us from feeling that we are at the centre of everything, to our modern understanding of our true place in space and time.

9.00 Afghanistan: The Lion’s Last Roar? Two-part series which tells the story of the conflict in Afghanistan and asks what has been achieved and whether, after such a bruising experience, the British have the will to fight in distant lands again. This episode reveals how, as casualties mounted, the public lost faith in the war and explores the British attempts to extricate itself from the conflict.

10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Mark Chapman introduces highlights from two Premier League games.

11.05 Russell Howard’s Good News Russell Howard returns with his unique and quirky take on the week’s global headlines.

11.35 The Fall Crime drama series set in Northern Ireland.

12.35am The Fall 1.35 Sign Zone: Countryfile 2.30 Sign Zone: Holby City

ITV1

6.00am Fort Boyard: Ultimate Challenge 6.25 – 7.10 Children’s television 7.10 Canimals 7.20 Signed Stories: Share A Story 7.25 Sooty 7.35 Mr Bean 7.50 Ultimate SpiderMan 8.15 Horrid Henry 8.30 Big Time Rush 9.00 The Aquabats! Super Show! 9.25 Dickinson’s Real Deal 10.25 Murder, She Wrote 11.25 ITV News & Weather 11.40 FILM: Carry On Jack (1963) 1.30pm All Star Family Fortunes 2.30 The X Factor 4.30 Downton Abbey 5.30 My Tasty Travels With Lynda Bellingham 6.30 ITV News Meridian 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Keep It In The Family 8.00 The X Factor Results Dermot O’Leary hosts as the singing competition’s fourth elimination is announced.

9.00 Downton Abbey Period drama following the lives of the aristocratic Crawley family and their servants. Rosamund arrives back at Downton following Edith’s shock departure - will her secret finally be exposed? Rose is delighted to be introducing Atticus and his parents to her family. Below stairs, Molesley is concerned as Daisy becomes disillusioned with her studies, so he hatches a plan to talk her around.

With the worst of their troubles seemingly over, Anna and Bates start thinking about the future.

10.05 ITV News; Weather 10.25 Harry’s South Pole Heroes Conclusion of the two-part documentary about the Walking with the Wounded-organised South Pole Allied Challenge 2013.

11.25 Rugby Highlights: LV= Cup Gethin Jones presents highlights from round one of the LV Cup including extended highlights of Exeter v Gloucester.

12.15am The Store 2.20 Motorsport UK 3.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.40am How I Met Your Mother 7.05 How I Met Your Mother 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Frasier 9.30 Sunday Brunch 12.30pm The Simpsons 1.00 The Simpsons 1.30 The Simpsons 1.55 The Simpsons 2.25 The Simpsons 2.55 The Simpsons 3.25 The Simpsons 3.55 The Simpsons 4.20 The Simpsons 4.50 FILM: The Simpsons Movie (2007) 6.35 Channel 4 News 7.00 WWI’s Forgotten Soldiers: Secret History Documentary in which former Royal Marines commando Arthur Williams embarks on an emotional journey to explore the experiences of nearly two million British soldiers who suffered lifechanging injuries and disabilities during the First World War. 8.00 Speed With Guy Martin Motorcycle racer and lorry mechanic Guy Martin continues to explore the boundaries of speed. Guy visits the USA, where he hopes to win at one of America’s oldest races: the Pike’s Peak International Hill Climb. In this annual contest, known as The Race to the Clouds, riders compete against the clock on a gruelling mountainside track that finishes over 4000 metres above sea level.

9.00 Homeland See highlights.

10.00 FILM: Shame (2011) Starring Michael Fassbender, Carey Mulligan, James Badge Dale, Nicole Beharie.

Drama about a successful thirtysomething New Yorker who struggles to control his addiction to sex.

11.55 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr hosts his own chat show.

12.50am The Simpsons 1.20 NFL: American Football Live 4.45 NFL: Rush Zone 5.10 Win It Cook It 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.55am Children’s television 7.55 Little Princess 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Wanda And The Alien 8.40 Zack And Quack 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 Jelly Jamm 9.30 LazyTown 10.00 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 10.35 Chinese Food In Minutes 10.50 Police Interceptors 11.50 Police Interceptors 12.50pm Police Interceptors 1.50 FILM: The Ghost Of Greville Lodge (2000) 3.35 FILM: The Canterville Ghost (1996) 5.25 FILM: The Witches (1990) 7.10 5 News Weekend 7.15 FILM: Beetlejuice (1988) See highlights.

9.00 FILM: The Cabin In The Woods (2012) Starring Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jessie Williams, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Brian White, Amy Acker.

Satirical horror. When five college students travel to a remote cabin for a weekend of fun, they get a lot more than they bargained for when they venture into the cellar. Will they be able to work out what is attacking them before it is too late?

10.50 FILM: Piranha (2010) Starring Elisabeth Shue, Ving Rhames, Richard Dreyfuss, Christopher Lloyd, Kelly Brook and Eli Roth. Comedy horror. It is the annual spring party at Lake Victoria and 50,000 young revellers have gathered for the occasion, unaware that the lake conceals a dark secret. Revelry turns to terror when an earth tremor deep underwater releases thousands of prehistoric piranhas from their millennia-long hibernation and razorsharp teeth sink into flesh.

12.30am Campus PD 12.55 SuperCasino 3.10 The Gadget Show 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 Make It Big 4.50 Make It Big 5.15 Angels Of Jarm 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.30 Angels Of Jarm 5.40 Roary The Racing Car 5.50 Roary The Racing Car Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm The Middle (x2) 2.00 Bite Size Brainiac 2.10 Futurama 2.20 FILM: Miracle On 34th Street (1994) 4.30 The Simpsons (x5) 7.00 Futurama 7.30 The Flash 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Hawaii Five0 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 11.00 Hawaii Five-0 12.00am Big Trouble In Tourist Thailand

7.00pm World’s Craziest Fools 7.30 Doctor Who 8.15 FILM: Shanghai Noon (2000) 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 Life Is Toff. See highlights. 11.15 American Dad! (x2) 12.00am FILM: Drive (2011) 1.30 Sweat The Small Stuff 2.00 The Revolution Will Be Televised 2.30 Snow, Sex & Suspicious Parents

7.00pm The Ladybird Books Story: How Britain Got The Reading Bug 8.00 The Samuel Johnson Prize For Non-Fiction 8.30 The Secret Life Of Books 9.00 Exposed: Magicians, Psychics And Frauds Storyville 10.25 FILM: Come As You Are (2011) 12.10am Classic Albums 1.05 Goth At The BBC

11.10am The X Factor 1.05pm The Xtra Factor 2.10 Rixton: The Hot Desk 2.20 Totally You’ve Been Framed!

3.20 You’ve Been Framed!

3.50 FILM: Valiant (2005) 5.25 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 8.00 Scorpion 9.00 The Xtra Factor 10.05 Tricked 11.05 FILM: The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005) 1.20am Dads (x2)

6.00am A Touch Of Frost 7.55 FILM: The Secret Of My Success (1987) 10.00 Heartbeat (x2) 12.05pm Inspector Morse 2.25 Wycliffe 3.30 Columbo: Double Exposure 5.05 Lewis 7.00 Foyle’s War 9.00 It’ll Be Alright On The Night 10.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 12.05am William And Mary (x2) 2.00 Judge Judy (x2)

10.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Made In Chelsea 1.35 New Girl 2.00 FILM: Horton Hears A Who (2008) 3.45 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts 4.00 Troy 5.00 Melissa & Joey (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x6) 9.00 FILM: XMen Origins: Wolverine (2009) 11.10 The Inbetweeners 11.40 Drifters 12.15am Rude Tube

11.00am Homes By The Sea 12.05pm Building The Dream 1.05 Car S.O.S 2.05 Gadget Man 2.40 Four In A Bed (x5) 5.20 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Nazi Megastructures 10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 10.50 Father Ted (x2) 11.55 Grand Designs 1.00am Nazi Megastructures

11.00am Lassie Come Home (1943) 1.00pm The Parent Trap (1998) 3.30 The Iron Giant (1999) 5.10 The Wizard Of Oz (1939) 7.15 Fantastic Mr Fox (2009) 9.00 The Departed (2006) 12.00am In Another Country (2012) 1.50 Sleuth (2007) 3.40 Close

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MONDAY 3 Gotham Channel Five, 9pm Arkham Asylum has been the bane of everyone’s life forever.

Now that it’s lying in decaying splendor, the most corrupt council ever has to decide who will have the rights to develop this desirable land. Of course, this means that Gordon and Bullock are off to track down the hitman hired to change the vote.

Never Mind The Buzzcocks BBC2, 10pm The anarchic pop quiz takes a spooky turn, if host Rhod Gilbert’s outfit is anything to go by. Either that or he’s really experimenting with his whole image. Joining him and team captains Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding are pop songstress Lisa Stansfield, Scissor Sister Ana Matronic, Aisling Bea and Joe Wilkinson.

Melissa & Joey E4, 7.30pm Have you ever seen a more airbrushed man under 50? That aside, this duo of former childstars continue smart talking each other in an affable fashion.

This week Joey thinks Mel may be related to one of her childhood friends. And Lennox learns something new about her blog sponsor.

¸ terrestrial 6.00am Latest Homes Live 8.00 Brighton Lights 8.30 You Make It, We Show It! 9.00 Latest Homes Live 11.00 At The Amex 12.00pm Latest Homes Live 2.00 BWC British Wrestling Weekly 3.00 What The Waffle 3.30 Cook It! 4.00 The Newspapers 4.30 The Vote 5.00 Noise Reel

6.00 News The latest local news plus national updates.

6.20 Sport News 6.25 Weather 6.30 Mike Mendoza’s Adur & Worthing Mike Mendoza presents his entertainment show.

7.00 Best of Brighton Lights 7.30 News 7.50 Sport News 7.55 Weather 8.00 The Vote Frank Le Duc covers local and national politics.

8.30 Growing Concerns 9.00 Cook It! Andrew Kay’s weekly ‘how to’ cookery programme.

Sourcing local, good value, seasonal produce and with guest chefs.

9.30 International Chef Exchange 10.30 News 10.50 Sport News 10.55 Weather 11.00 Bored Gamers 12.00am News 12.20 Sport News 12.25 Weather 12.30 Mike Mendoza's Adur & Worthing 1.00 Best of Brighton Lights 1.30 News 1.50 Sport News 1.55 Weather 2.00 The Vote 2.30 Growing Concerns 3.00 Cook It! 3.30 International Chef Exchange 4.30 News 4.50 Sport News 4.55 Weather 5.00 Noise Reel

BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 The People Remember 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Call The Council 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Holiday Of My Lifetime With Len Goodman 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The Passing Bells World War I drama. At the outbreak of war, two teenage boys – one German and one British – defy their parents to sign up.

But their enthusiasm is tested when they get their first taste of battle.

7.30 The One Show 7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Shocked by lies and deceit, Dot demands an explanation from her family.

8.30 Panorama Panorama.

9.00 Gareth’s All Star Choir Good old Gareth.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Have I Got A Bit More News For You The extended version of the popular satirical news quiz with captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host Damian Lewis and guest panellists Andy Hamilton and Roisin Conaty.

11.20 Citizen Khan Sitcom following the trials and tribulations of self-appointed Muslim community leader Mr Khan and his long suffering family.

11.50 The Graham Norton Show Graham Norton presents his chat show.

12.35am FILM: Soul Men (2008) 2.10 Weather For The Week Ahead 2.15 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Call The Council 7.45 Close Calls: On Camera 8.15 A Taste Of Britain 9.00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 10.00 Lorraine Pascale: How To Be A Better Cook 10.30 Race To Kamina, Togo - World War 1, Beyond The Trenches 10.35 Click 11.00 News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Restoration Roadshow 1.30 Cash In The Attic 2.15 The Rockford Files 3.00 Cagney And Lacey 3.50 Who Do You Think You Are? 4.50 Great British Railway Journeys Goes To Ireland 5.20 Flog It! 6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing - It Takes Two Zoe Ball presents backstage gossip and behind-thescenes action from the weekend.

7.00 Tom Kerridge’s Best Ever Dishes loves to eat. Recipes include stuffed potato skins filled with creamy roquefort and salty pancetta, pulled beef brisket and chocolate tart.

7.30 Children’s Hospital: The Chaplains Heart-strings at the ready...

8.00 University Challenge The last of the two highest-scoring loser matches sees two teams get a second chance to make it to the second round.

8.30 Only Connect Quiz show presented by Victoria Coren Mitchell.

9.00 Intruders 9.45 Some People Telling Jokes 10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.15 Trust Me, I’m A Doctor Going behind the headlines to give the definitive answers to health questions.

12.15am Sign Zone: The Apprentice 4.00 Beneath The Lab Coat 5.00 You Too Can Be An Absolute Genius 5.30 Little Stargazing

ITV1

6.00am Good Morning Britain 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 10.55 ITV News 11.00 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Kirin gets Paddy’s seal of approval. Charity suspects Ross has scuppered her deal. Jimmy is touched by Nicola’s support.

7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Countrywise Paul Heiney, Ben Fogle and Liz Bonnin present the rural series. In this edition, Paul Heiney goes back to his farming roots ploughing with the magnificent Suffolk Punch horses.

8.30 Coronation Street 9.00 Grantchester Six-part drama series set in 1953, adapted from the novels by James Runcie, about the town where Sidney Chambers is the local vicar. Sidney takes Geordie on a night out to Johnny Johnson’s London jazz club, but when Amanda turns up unexpectedly, Sidney and Amanda settle into a night of dancing - but their reverie is interrupted by a scream from backstage.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.40 The Agenda ITV News political editor Tom Bradby is joined by big names from government, news and entertainment 11.20 The Jonathan Ross Show Jonathan welcomes film star Keira Knightley, Paul Hollywood, Gareth Thomas, and Paul Merton.

12.25am Jackpot247 3.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.20am The King Of Queens 6.45 The King Of Queens 7.10 3rd Rock From The Sun 7.35 3rd Rock From The Sun 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Daily Brunch 11.00 Come Dine With Me 11.30 Come Dine With Me 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Small Animal Hospital 2.10 Countdown 3.00 Fifteen To One 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Coach Trip 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Teen drama.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Rice: How Safe Is Our Food?

Channel 4 Dispatches Morland Sanders investigates why leading scientists and experts are warning that some types of commonly consumed rice contain a worrying level of naturally occurring arsenic.

8.30 Sarah Beeny’s How To Sell Your Home Sarah Beeny presents the property series that follows people who are selling their homes without using traditional estate agents.

9.00 Make Leicester British Follow-up to the 2012 series Make Bradford British. Eight Leicester residents, four of them British citizens from various backgrounds and ethnicities, plus three recent migrants from Central and Eastern Europe and one from Somalia spend time together.

10.35 Toast Of London Sitcom.

Toast is intrigued to find that Ed is entering a Celebrities and Prostitutes Blow Football Tournament.

11.05 The IT Crowd Sitcom.

11.40 NFL: The American Football Show The week’s NFL action.

12.35am The Secret Millionaire USA 1.25 FILM: Kaksparsh (2012) 3.55 Location, Location, Location 4.50 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 5.05 Win It Cook It 5.35 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Milkshake! Bop Box 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 The Sham Wedding Crashers 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Good Witch, Bad Witch (2011) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Jake has plans for Brax – plans that will require Andy’s complete cooperation.

Will he go along with the scheme?

6.30 5 News Tonight 7.00 The Gadget Show Actionpacked consumer show showcasing the latest technology presented by Ortis Deley, Jason Bradbury, Jon Bentley and Amy Williams.

8.00 Twin Towers: The Missing Evidence Series investigating some of the world’s most notorious conspiracy theories.

This programme looks at some of the questions that have been raised to dispute the official findings into the events of September 11th 2001.

9.00 Gotham See highlights.

10.00 Under The Dome Drama series. As temperatures inside the Dome plummet to freezing, Julia is gravely injured, Lyle returns with a chilling prophesy of the future, Junior suspects that Melanie’s health is linked to the egg’s defence mechanism.

10.55 FILM: Once Upon A Time In Mexico (2003) Starring Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Johnny Depp, Mickey Rourke. Third in the series of films featuring the heroic, guitar-toting hit man, El Mariachi.

12.50am Campus PD 1.10 SuperCasino 3.10 Bomber Boys: Revealed 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.20 The Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor (x3) Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 3.00 Greatest Little Britons 4.00 Emergency With Angela Griffin 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 Trollied 9.00 Micky Flanagan’s Detour De France 10.00 Arrow 11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (x2) 1.00am Hawaii Five-0

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Junior Paramedics 9.00 Hotel Of Mum And Dad 10.00 Live At The Apollo 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Hotel Of Mum And Dad 1.30 People Like Us 2.30 Live At The Apollo 3.00 Hotel Of Mum And Dad

7.00pm News 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys 8.00 The Golden Age Of Trams: A Streetcar Named Desire 9.00 The Art Of Gothic: Britain’s Midnight Hour 10.00 FILM: The Mummy (1959) 11.25 Detectorists 11.55 Architects Of The Divine 12.55am David Bowie And The Story Of Ziggy Stardust

1.50pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x3) 5.05 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 6.00 Royal Pains 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Full Throttle 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Tricked: More Favourite Tricks 10.00 Plebs 10.30 Dapper Laughs: On The Pull 11.00 Viral Tap 11.45 The Job Lot 12.20am Two And A Half Men (x2)

10.55am Inspector Morse 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 Wild At Heart 3.05 Wycliffe 4.20 Second Thoughts 4.55 Fresh Fields 5.25 George And Mildred 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Judge Judy (x2) 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 The Secret Life Of Dogs 10.00 Collision 11.00 The Vice 12.05am Inspector Morse

4.30pm Suburgatory 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Melissa & Joey. See highlights. 8.00 New Girl 8.30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 9.00 Made In Chelsea 10.00 Glue 11.05 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am How I Met Your Mother (x2) 1.00 The Mindy Project

8.55am Time Team 10.00 FILM: The Longest Day (1962) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Grand Designs Australia 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 6.50 Come Dine With Me Abroad 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 Car S.O.S 10.00 FILM: Green Zone (2010) 12.15am Come Dine With Me Abroad 1.20 Car S.O.S

11.00am Across The Wide Missouri (1951) 12.40pm The Robe (1953) 3.20 Ride The High Country (1962) 5.10 Casablanca (1942) 7.15 Jumper (2008) 9.00 The Debt (2010) 11.15 Role Models (2008) 1.10am Like You Know It All (2009) 3.50 Close