Latest 7: No. 667

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Online now: Tim Ridgway’s Latest News; Frank Le Duc; Andrew Kay, CelebCity, Competitions, Bare Cheek, SICK! Festival, WAVE, Theatre Royal, Jacqueline Wilson, Van Morrison and what’s on

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04 Up the Albion Mark Brailsford’s latest thoughts on the Seagulls 06 Latest Brighton & Hove News Frank Le Duc on the changing Shoreham Harbour and Tim Ridgway’s Latest News 08 Celeb City Adele spotted on girls’ night out in Brighton for Prince concert 10 Kay Town Andrew Kay rallies support for Gay Pride 10 Competitions Chance to win ‘Best Comedy of the Year’; This Is Jinsy DVDs and much anticipated Breton albums 16 Bare Cheek Pondering the great mysteries of the world

LIFESTYLE 05 On the cover: Theatre Royal Tonight’s The Night Musical comedy inspired by legendary ‘Do Ya Think I’m Sexy’ singer Rod Stewart 09 The Basement SICK!Festival explores life, death and mental health through comedy and performances at Jubilee Square 12 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink and Private Dining Drake’s, Graze, New Steine and Gars, fine places all

@LatestTVBtn

17 WAVE your guide to health and beauty Natural health queries answered by a nutrition expert 20 Hotlist Restaurants for all tastes

WHAT’S ON 21 What’s On An evening with Jacqueline Wilson, Comic Boom, and a swing-themed Ball at the Grand Hotel

EVENT IN BRIGHTON Gremlin’s Rockin’ Stompers Northern Soul, Ska, Punk, Indie, Rockabilily, Reggae, Hip-Hop, Garage, Glam.

Saturday, March 1st, 2014, 9pm, free

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Latest Homes Sales Director Lesley Lawrence Latest 7 Advertising Manager Rachel Simm Creative Director Andrew Kay

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24 Reviews; Booking now; Music Chart & Clubs Van Morrison brought blues to Brighton, while stalls offered haircuts and rum at the Tattoo Convention

IN BRIGHTON

25 Brighton After Dark Sade finds club floors and suede boots just don’t go

James Maddock After fronting the Columbia Records band Wood, Maddock moved to New York City in 2003.

Monday, March 3rd, 2014, 8pm, £10/ £8 adv

26 TV Listings Good interviewers are like swans Seven days of TV listings

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004_LS667_vanessa_Albion_editorial 21/02/2014 11:04 Page 2

04

BRIGHTON WRITES

Mark Brailsford on sitting nicely in 8th place

A

s it has been a few weeks since my last column (now that it's monthly) let's just summarise.

Somehow, despite some narrow squeaks and average displays, Albion sit very nicely thank you, in 8th place at the time of writing. Other teams have conspired to slip up on a regular basis with the now customary Championship 'anyone can beat anyone' mantra. How kind of Ipswich to blow the chance of pushing Albion further down the league and how obliging of Blackburn to be so inconsistent and Leeds to combust in such an amusing fashion.

Other teams around us draw or lose against teams they should be beating and lower placed sides seem adept at surprising all and sundry. But there sit Oscar Garcia's men, scraping 1-0 victories like George Graham's Arsenal on a good day. So, why is there a slight sense of being underwhelmed in the Albion populace? It could be the uninspiring transfer window dealings, players leaving (Barnes, Bridcutt) and their replacements unheard of by most fans.

Interestingly, the signing of David Rodriguez looks promising, although explaining the origins of his nickname of "Spanish Rodders" to him in Spanish would be something I would pay to see. I imagine Inigo Calderon, who seems to be the best man for the job, starting the explanation thus: CALDE: Okay. There is a comedy show called Only Fools and Horses. “customary ROD: Que? CALDE: It's an old funny comedy show.

Championship And there's a character called Trigger. ‘anyone can beat ROD: Me Trigger?

CALDE: No, you Rodney. anyone’ mantra” ROD: Me no comprendez.

CALDE: We've already got a Spanish Dave.

(SPANISH DAVE INTERJECTS) DAVE: Ey, mi no Espanish, mi Basque.

ROD: Why this man he say he ladies sexy underwear?

CALDE: He likes to play sexy football. But back to you being Spanish Rodders.

ROD: Si? CALDE: Because we already have Spanish Dave, you cannot be Spanish Dave, so the fans they call you Spanish Rodders as an alternative because Trigger always called Rodney, 'Dave'.

ROD: Mi still no comprendez.

(LEO ULLOA PIPES UP) LEO: You think this confusing? They call me Spanish Len and mi from Argentina.

ROD: Eez okay, I get ball, I run like Forest Gump, fans call me whatever. I understand good.

CALDE: Bueno.

ROD: One more thing Calde, I speak the good English, but I no understand a word when Captain shouting.

CALDE: No problema, nobody understand skipper, he Scottish.

You could be forgiven for thinking this scenario has some basis in truth as integrating new players does take time, understanding of tactics and personality is rarely instant and, given time, Spanish Rod looks a very good signing. Dale Stephens arrived at the same time, and whilst he has the cultural advantages of being local, his tactical learning curve will be equally steep, but he too looks a shrewd long term signing whom Charlton fans were loathe to lose. The loan window may offer the most likely option for Oscar to recruit a play-off boosting signing or two but as long as Albion keep grinding out the one nils fans can cling onto a sliver of hope for that last play-off spot and there's always CMS!

FA Cup At the time of writing (post match after drawing with Hull at the Amex) the prospect of Gus Poyet bringing his Sunderland side to the Amex in the next round is tantalisingly close. If Albion get past Hull City a big 'if', this prospect promises to divide fans right down the middle. Some day, even if it's not in the FA Cup 6th round, Albion will meet their old boss on the pitch.

What will you do? Boo? Cheer? Applaud politely? Make flushing toilet gestures at the bench? Fans who think Poyet flounced his way out of the job and deserves no sympathy seem to be numerous, but one would hope some appreciation for what he did achieve would be forthcoming. Arms folded with indifference might be the appropriate response. Personally, for my tribute, I'll be in the loo.

Head shot Courtesy Jerry Lebens

Latest Seagulls

Vanessa Austin Locke The First Great Western Train Robbery

A

short while ago I was returning home on the train when I started to feel ill.

I disembarked a couple of stops early to allay the nausea. On trying to exit the train station I was told that I either had to pay a penalty fare for getting off early, or get back on the train.

Rather bewildered as to why I should pay a penalty for getting off early, I explained politely to the man at the barrier that I was unwell and needed to leave, sit down and await collection. He barked at me to get back on the train in a manner not entirely unlike an SS Officer and so, assessing that I was talking to a brick wall and assuming that my civil rights protected me from being held prisoner by a jobsworth of the railway industry, I walked through an open barrier. At this he lurched forward, grasped me and wrestled my luggage from me. His female assistant ran to his aid and before I new it I was staggering backwards through the barrier with my bag on the other side.

The pair then locked it in a cupboard and began giggling. By this point I was pretty faint so went outside to sit down wondering what in the world had happened. Had I really just been robbed and assaulted? Was I living in some kind of dystopian future where train personnel are the new dark overlords?

Those responsible for the railways in the UK are not my favourite people at the best of times, charging extortionate prices for shoddy, tardy, overcrowded services that even make it impossible for some people to commute to job offers in cities they can’t afford to live in – a perfect example of failed privatisation due to the lack of a competitive market.

“By this point I was pretty faint so went outside to sit down wondering what in the world had happened”

Do you know what happened? The transport police showed up and informed me that I was liable for a penalty fare and that the CCTV was broken so it wasn’t worth bringing common assault charges because they would be thrown out. This officer, who was by no means unsympathetic, rolled his eyes and said that the man who had grabbed me was notorious, but that his hands were tied.

I researched and discovered he was right! Those tiny Ts and Cs did indeed say I couldn’t disembark early. I looked further to see if the law supported railway staff holding me against my will or taking my possessions. Under section 5(2) of the Regulation of Railways Act it does!

I took the case to Mark Hopwood, MD of FGW, and to my MP. To his credit Mr Hopwood apologised, refunded my penalty and gave me a couple of free tickets. He was charming, but to get to him I had to dodge their formal complaints department who told me (I’m paraphrasing here) to bugger off.

As someone who’s never been in trouble with the law, who is diligent and observes the rules, it was terribly frightening to have a strange man use his physical strength against me like that. But on telling my story to friends and family I discovered that my experience was by no means unusual.

So my question is twofold: how long are we going to continue to put up with this kind of treatment from the rusty old railway service we pay through the nose to support? And why are we giving so much power to people clearly not qualified to hold it?

Follow me: @vnessenvy

005_LS667_theatre royal_011_LS466_interview 20/02/2014 12:43 Page 3

THEATRE ROYAL BRIGHTON

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Hot Rod!

h e c ov e n t th e c o v e r r

Tonight’s The Night, the smash hit musical comedy inspired by the songs of Rod Stewart, visits Theatre Royal Brighton

T

onight’s The Night, the smash hit musical comedy inspired by the songs of Rod Stewart, visits Theatre Royal Brighton from Monday 10 – Saturday 15 March.

The all-singing, all-dancing feel good show premiered in the West End in 2003 and went on to play sold out theatres across the UK. With a book by multi awardwinning writer and comedian Ben Elton (We Will Rock You), Tonight’s

The Night features spectacular staging, a world class band, dazzling choreography and over 20 classic Rod Stewart hits like ‘Tonight’s The Night’, ‘Hot Legs’, ‘Baby Jane’, ‘Do Ya Think I’m Sexy’, ‘Maggie May’, ‘This Old Heart of Mine’, ‘I Don’t Wanna Talk About It’, ‘Ooh La La’, ‘Some Guys Have All The Luck’, ‘Forever Young’, ‘Sailing’ and many more!

Rod Stewart is a two time inductee into the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame, a

Grammy Living Legend®, and in 2007 he was awarded a CBE. In a career spanning five decades that has seen over 200 million worldwide record sales, Brit and Grammy Awardwinning Rod remains as popular as ever with an acclaimed new charttopping album Time, a 2013 sell-out arena tour and the No 1 Bestseller Rod – The Autobiography.

Rod Stewart said: “In the past, any ideas for musicals revolving around my songs just didn’t work for me. It was only when we were approached to do Tonight’s The Night that the idea really took off. I’m

05

absolutely thrilled that this great show is touring the UK again.”

Set on the mean streets of Detroit and the glamorous clubs of uptown LA, the show tells the story of Stu, a shy young man, so tongue-tied that he cannot find the courage to declare his love to the girl of his dreams. How different he is to his hero, that legendary rock ‘n’ roll vagabond Rod Stewart! One night our hero strikes a deal with the Devil, trading his soul for Rod’s. It seems like a good idea at the time but he’s about to find out the hard way that you can’t find true love using another man’s moves, and that devil or no devil, there’s only one Rod Stewart!

The singer and actress Jade Ewen will play the role of Dee Dee. Jade is best known as a member of Brit girlband Sugababes, attaining two UK top 10 singles with the group. Jade also represented the UK at the 2009 Eurovision Song Contest performing the Andrew Lloyd Webber song It’s My Time, achieving fifth place, making her the most successful British Eurovision act since 2002.

Don’t miss this fantastic musical which runs at Theatre Royal Brighton for one week only!

Opens Monday 10 March.

To book tickets www.atgtickets.com/brighton* 0844 871 7650* (bkg fee)

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006_LS667_news_editorial 21/02/2014 18:19 Page 2

06 LATEST NEWS

latest brighton & hove news

Frank le Duc

TheVote Shoreham Harbour’s solar panels offer a confident vision for the future

a long history of power and energy on the Shoreham waterfront. Peter Davies, the port’s development director, said: “We had a gasworks here in the 1800s.

We’ve had a connection with energy for well over a century. We’re doing a lot on green energy and we’re exploring all technologies.”

For years the two chimneys of Shoreham’s coal-fired power station were a local landmark. Now the port is home to a smaller gas-fired power station. And planning permission was recently granted for a biofuel power plant. Wind turbines are also being

H

ove MP Mike Weatherley was so impressed when he switched on the new solar panels at Shoreham Harbour that he offered to put his money where his mouth is. Mr Weatherley said that he would join more than 200 others by investing in the business behind the scheme, the Brighton Energy Co-op.

The minimum stake is £300. Tax breaks start with a £500 investment.

The legal maximum of £20,000 is about to rise to £100,000 – more than the average MP can afford.

Mr Weatherley, a Conservative, will be joining the Green MP for Brighton Pavilion, Caroline Lucas, as a member of the energy co-op. Both are advocates of renewable energy sources and both oppose nuclear power. Other members of the energy co-op include a banker in London, a vicar from Northern Ireland and a smattering of industry professionals, as well as an impressive number of environmentally friendly Brightonians.

The 880 panels on the roof of Shed 10 at the port cost about £250,000 to buy and install. They were fitted by the Lewes company Southern Solar. The port already has more than 360 solar panels on the roof of Hove Enterprise Centre. And it plans to put more up on the roof of Shed 3a as soon as the energy co-op finishes fundraising for the latest phase of what looks likely to become a harbour-wide project.

The port’s decision to make use of its extensive roof space is part of

Brighton & Hove City Council leader Jason Kitcat on the future of local services

“I

had no idea how much it cost to keep the city running” – said a business owner at a recent budget consultation event we held here in Brighton & Hove.

City councils like ours provide over 800 services ranging from the more obvious street-sweeping and pot-hole fixing to the less visible financial advice and social care services – so perhaps it shouldn’t be a surprise that many don’t know the extent of our work.

With many councils trying to offset government reductions in

“For us there’s no capital spend but we get cheaper electricity.

Everyone benefits from it. A lot of people want to be green but this works financially”

funding, the apparent status quo in many services disguises the extent of the hardship councils find themselves in.

Councils have worked hard to limit the damage to local services – especially when you consider that local government has so far seen a 38% reduction in funding while Whitehall lost just 8%.

Given the universallyacknowledged funding crisis that all councils face in the coming years, now more than ever residents should know what they’re paying for and what might have to go to close the budget gap. The time is right to have the debate about local services – and especially about social care.

We need to explain that more ‘efficiency and management savings’ alone cannot possibly solve the crisis ahead. In a few years when councils have little option but to run skeleton operations, it will be too late.

We’re entering a vital period for local services – it’s our duty now to raise awareness, inform a debate, and involve local people in decisions about the future of their services.

considered on the southern side of the lock. Mr Davies said: “It’s a good location for wind turbines.” At 35m – to the tip – they would be about the same height as the nearby phone masts and lighting tower. The power station chimney is three times as high.

Solar power, though, is already providing savings of thousands of pounds a year. Mr Davies said: “Our motivation is a combination of things. Because we are a big real estate, there’s scale in what we can do and it feels as though we are making a big difference. We buy electricity from the co-op at a reduced rate and that goes on for 20 years. For us there’s no capital spend but we get cheaper electricity.

Everyone benefits from it. A lot of people want to be green but this works financially.”

It’s just as well that the port’s making savings from solar power, given the damage caused by months of storms. Mr Davies said that the port may speed up its programme of replacing the old and patched up groynes that form a key part of the harbour’s sea defences. At about £125,000 a groyne, they’re not cheap. He said: “We replaced two groynes last year and I think we can safely say they saved Carats café.

We’re putting in two more now. We look after 14 in total.

“We have had a lot of damage this winter. I don’t know how much we’ll spend. We’ve had one roof leaking badly, affecting one of our tenants. Our largest shed, Shed 1, has had quite large sections of the roof come away.

We’re having to reassess whether we patch up or replace it – and we’ve had to introduce extra safety measures.”

All this comes as a ten-week consultation starts on the Draft Joint Area Action Plan produced jointly by the port, Brighton and Hove City Council, Adur District Council and West Sussex County Council. The original housing target for the harbour of 10,000 homes is now a more realistic 2,000. This reflects the way the port has won new business and bucked recent economic trends.

That’s why, along with sound financial reasons, our administration believes a referendum on a 4.75% council tax increase to pay for social care services is now necessary. We are asking councillors from the other parties to put aside their commitments to austerity, and give the residents of the city a chance to participate in this debate about the future of local services.

006_LS667_news_editorial 21/02/2014 18:19 Page 3

LATEST NEWS

Tim Ridgway’s

Latest News

Tower struggles The saga of the 600 foot tall viewing tower near the West Pier

£36 million for i360?

To fund or not to fund?

T

he saga of the i360 has been rumbling on for nearly a decade. But after many false hopes, a deal to bring the 600-foot tall viewing tower to a seafront site near the West Pier will be discussed

by Brighton and Hove councillors next week.

The proposal is for the city council to act as a middle man in drawing down a £36 million loan from the government and then hand the money straight over to developers. The four Green councillors on the ruling committee look set to vote for the loan, the three Labour members against.

But it's the stance of the Conservatives which is the most interesting, with party members being split on the issue. Brighton Kemptown MP Simon Kirby has already said he opposes the deal, arguing that if no private money is found, why should the public take the risk.

But there are other prominent members in the party who disagree and believe it will boost tourism and business. The issue will finally be resolved on March 6 at a special meeting of the council's policy and resources committee.

Elementary, my dear...

With the economic climate biting deep, supermarkets are under more pressure to provide a bit of something extra. But shoppers at one budget store in Brighton have perhaps taken that mantra a little

“MP Simon Kirby has already said he opposes the deal arguing if no private money is found” too far. Lidl in Arundel Road, Brighton, has stopped shoppers from taking metal baskets beyond the till.

The reason?

Well, when one shopper asked, a shop assistant said it was because baskets kept on being stolen. The worker added 18 had disappeared in a week.

A Lidl spokeswoman was a little less colourful. She said: “While it is generally recognised by supermarkets that trolleys or

baskets are occasionally taken from stores, there isn’t a notable issue with this at the Arundel Road store in Brighton.” Hmmm...

Shingle City The winter storms have resulted in a real battering for Brighton and Hove's seafront.

The most recent saw beach huts swept away and shingle transported onto the promenade.

The damage was so severe that a lorry was called in to shovel stones aside to create a path for those running the Brighton half-marathon.

Still, it wasn't all bad news as one bench became buried in the shingle.

Some took advantage of the impromptu seat near the Peace Statue and put their feet up on the pebbles, claiming it was far more comfortable than the original wooden slats.

Those wanting to try it for themselves better be quick as it's unlikely to stick around forever.

Rebel, Rebel Rebel Green councillors are at it again as they launch a bid to oust Brighton and Hove council leader Jason Kitcat.

As reported first by The Latest, a year after failing to topple Cllr Kitcat, opponents in his own party are looking to change the rules to stop him winning a third term as convenor of the council's Green group.

The bid, which is being backed by serving councillors Alex Phillips and Mike Jones, aims to give ordinary party members as much say in choosing the convenor as serving councillors - potentially meaning the de facto council leader may not have the support of his or her colleagues.

One senior party figure described the move as “extremely destructive and not good for the city”.

But party insiders dismissed the coup as a "rearguard action" from a small group of disgruntled individuals, adding it was "unlikely" the motion would get the support required.

At the time of writing, the result of the motion, which was to be discussed on Tuesday (February 25), was not known. Whichever way it went, it is certainly not the impression the Greens wanted to give ahead of a key budget meeting.

07

008_LS667_celebcity_Celebcity 21/02/2014 14:34 Page 1

08 CELEBCITY

SPONSORED BY

Celebcity with Jo Brooks © Picselect

Gresham Blake, Hobbie Stuart, Nick Cave & Celebcity in NYC

POP ROYALTY L

ast week saw UK-pop royalty put on their Sunday best for the Brit awards – and of course our boy Gresham Blake had been a busy man. The Brighton-based tailor created suits for locals Rizzle Kicks and Passanger as well as drum and bass kings Rudimental. Of course the lads were easily the best dressed men on the red carpet – with Gresham showing why he’s still the go to man for eye-catching suits. We love his latest portrait taken by photographer Kenny McCracken, so we’re sharing that with you too!

ADELE CHILLING IN BRIGHTON

Our Adele was spotted on a rare VIP outing recently to see (theartistformerlyknownas) Prince last week. Braving the awful English weather, the Oscar-winning singer stepped out for a girls night in a fedora hat and black trainers – we imagine baby Angelo just chilled at home in Brighton.

SHROVE TUESDAY

With Shrove Tuesday – one of my favourite days in the calendar – fast approaching, you can imagine my delight to hear that a brand new and fabulous pancake joint will be opening on Ship Street, just in time for the occasion. The Creperie, next to Hotel du Vin on Ship Street will offer a mash up of French and British influences and most importantly, delicious French style crepes (my personal fave is the traditional lemon and sugar). The really great news is that to celebrate Pancake Day, the lovely people at The Creperie will be attempting to break the world record for the tallest stack of pancakes ever made AND GIVING. THEM. AWAY. FOR FREE! So head down to Ship Street on March 4 and try to break your own world record for the biggest amount of crepes eaten on one sitting. Happy eating!

HOBBIE STUART AT CONCORDE2

Rising Brighton star Hobbie Stuart, whose Drake cover made us weak at the knees last year, has announced a gig at the Concorde2 next month! In association with Skint Records and Brighton's Juice 107.2FM, Hobbie will be playing to raise money for 5 year old Oliver Poinsignon, who suffers from cerebral palsy. The fundraiser hopes to help reach the £52,000 needed for Oliver to have a specialist operation not available on the NHS. Hobbie’s debut record – Still Here – hit stores this week, and we can’t wait to see how it does. With Juice’s own Guy Lloyd introducing the heartthrob as well, we suspect teenage girls everywhere will be racing to get tickets. Make sure you get yours soon.

Have you spotted a celeb in the city? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

Follow me: latestcelebcity

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009_LS667_the_basement_011_LS466_interview 21/02/2014 17:57 Page 3

SICK! FESTIVAL 09

SICK SENSE

Life, death and mental health come together in one festival

S

ick! Festival, is a ground-breaking new festival exploring the physical, mental and social challenges of life and death and how we survive them (or don’t). Presenting an outstanding international, cross art-form programme of performance, film, public installations and debates, the festival seeks out new ways of talking about and dealing with difficult issues, ways that are unflinching, informed, irreverent and humane. The programme is delivered in partnership with leading arts organisations, medical and academic institutions, charities and community groups.

This year the festival will explore a range of issues, including adolescence, mental illness, ageing and death. Here we’ve picked out some of the highlights...

Journey

old Koen de Preter and 88 year old professional dancer Alphea Pouget. This event pushes boundaries and bridges the gap between young and old, and 60 years of dance history. The performance is followed by Healthy Ageing, a discussion with Professor of Human and Applied Physiology, Stephen Harridge and the dancers (March 14th, The Old Market)

Stories from the Front Line An exciting public installation exhibits the work of four comic artists who have presented four Stories from the Front Line of medical practice in Brighton.

Four patients and four doctors share their stories, giving their own accounts of true events that are moving, revealing, honest and challenging.

The resulting graphic narratives are presented in a largescale light-box installation in Jubilee Square.

(Running now until March 31st) UK premiere.

The Eradication of Schizophrenia in Western Lapland by Ridiculusmus The UK premiere is inspired by a treatment method for psychosis that has virtually eradicated schizophrenia from Western Lapland.

It conjures up a comic nightmare of delusion while offering a hopeful world of polyphonic uncertainty, a world where dialogue can transform your life.

Multi-award winning company Ridiculusmus has a 20 year strong track record of creating, presenting and touring high quality and innovative new theatre. (March 5th & 6th, The Basement)

Journey The strength and vulnerability of the human body is celebrated in the UK premiere of Journey, a dance choreographed and performed by 32 year

In May

In May A beautiful and sumptuous piece of music theatre charting the final months of a man in the advanced stages of cancer. Featuring haunting music by Neil Hannon (The Divine Comedy), stunning and atmospheric lighting design by Imitating the Dog, and a live string ensemble (Ligeti Quarter), In May takes the form of a series of letters from a son to a father, each set to music. (March 19th, The Old Market) The festival programme is supported by the Arts Council England, Wellcome Trust, Brighton & Hove City Council and the Roddick Foundation. SICK! Festival is delivered by The Basement with contributions from over 25 academics and medical To book tickets go to www.sickfestival.com

010_LS667_kay_comps_Social Diary 20/02/2014 10:51 Page 2

10

BRIGHTON WRITES

Andrew Kay

Sponsored by Bardsley’s Fish & Chips

Glad to be normal A

few weks back I wrote about attending an event at which the organisers of Pride gave monetary grants to a group of local organisations that support gay men and women, transgender, youths and the undecided. It was the first time in some time that I felt that the word Pride had any real value.

I’ve done Pride since being 20 years old, I marched for equality, I shouted at Thatcher on Westminster Bridge with Steve Nallon in full Maggie drag. I listened to Peter Tatchell, the most relentless campaigner for what so many of us held to be our undisputable human rights. I waved flags, blew whistles and along the way I had a few drinks, a bit of a dance and lots of fun too.

Pride was a campaign, a fight for rights and on the way we made things happen. We now have not only civil partnerships but gay marriage, we beat Clause 28 and the sundry other bits of bureaucratic hypocrisy that stuck to it like bodily fluids to a tissue. We fought for and raised money for AIDS research, and for hospices when we first needed them and we campaigned for better health education. In Brighton people fought to uncover scandals where money allocated to one cause was being used in other sectors, lies were revealed and

“If I am special in any way it might be despite my gender preferences” justice was sought and to some extent found.

Pride was after all a political force – not a party.

Not that I’m against that party, we have much to celebrate, as year on year the world starts to accept that what we are is not gay, or trans, or bi or any other stupid label that people would like to sticker us with. What we are is normal, normal like

anyone else. My sexuality has never made me special in any way. Indeed, if I am special in any way it might be despite my gender preferences.

If that sounds like I am shirking my gay pride I’m not. I’m glad to be what I am. I’m happy to campaign and delighted when that campaigning gets the right results.

Pride in Brighton has a superb knock on effect.

For one weekend the hotels are full, the bars do a brilliant trade and the city is full of people spending money and making the most of Britain’s greatest resort (I love Blackpool, I really do, but come on...)

So given that the weekend is a money spinner for so many, can we perhaps get them to give something back?

Perhaps you are a business who benefits, maybe you could sponsor a float in the parade for one of our charitable organisations. Maybe you are a hotel that for that weekend is chocablock – perhaps you could give a cut back to the organisation that makes that weekend one of your best of the year.

I know that the introduction of ticketing the actual event was not universally loved but it has made the park a much more comfortable occasion, safer even. But that money hardly touches the sides of what it costs to stage Pride, without it the event simply could no longer happen. And with the council probably withdrawing the funding that they have provided in the past the situation is harder then ever. Not that I believe that funding from public bodies is the answer, far from it, I know that from my work with the utterly unfunded food festival which twice a year does the same as Pride in drawing vast crowds of money spending people into the city.

I’m proud to be normal is what I’m really saying. I’m glad to be gay as Mr T Robinson chanted back in the day, and above all I’m determined to raise awareness of what Pride should be about once again. Last summer was a brilliant start but it’s time to rally the forces and make this one even better. Brighton Pride has the chance to be the best in Europe if not the world... if we get totally behind it and if that means dipping our hands in our pockets then so be it.

Follow me: @latestandrew

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

COMPETITIONS WIN THIS IS JINSY 2 DVDS

Lovingly described as ‘unadulterated, often creepy silliness’ by The Independent, the eccentric This Is Jinsy recently returned for a second series on Sky Atlantic. It was released on Monday 24 February by Delta Leisure, so you can be on of the first people to own it! We are giving away DVDs to five lucky readers, which include stills and sketches in the special features.

Taking place on an extraordinary island, the DVD includes all eight new adventures, involving knitwear, folksong and hi-tech surveillance.

Justin Chubb stars as Arbiter Maven, who attempts to control Jinsy’s troublesome residents along with his assistant Sporall (Chris Bran).

The Pythonesque tales range from an invasion of ancient hair to dangerous encounters with tribes of wild accountants, from Speckled Pom-Poms to Golden Woggles. There’s also guest stars a-plenty, including Stephen Fry, Rob Brydon, Sir Derek Jacobi, Jennifer Saunders, KT Tunstall and many more.

For your chance to win, just tell us: Who stars as Arbiter Maven in This Is Jinsy?

WIN BRETON CDS

You have probably enjoyed opening track ‘Envy’ from Breton’s much anticipated second album War Room Stories on the radio since it’s a popular, poppy number with steel drum type splashes and funky keyboard flourishes.

The album was recorded at Funkhaus studios in Berlin, which used to house 3,000

communist workers who would broadcast propaganda to the entire Eastern Bloc. Breton therefore had a unique opportunity to include subtle special effects you can listen out for on the whole record.

In terms of genre, War Room Stories never strays too far from hazy synth pop, but there’s also echo-laden pianos in ‘Brother’, as well as five tracks featuring the 44 piece Macedonian Radio Symphonic Orchestra.

The band are playing at the Village Underground on Wednesday 5 March if you want to witness this innovative band in person, and we are giving away three copies of War Room Stories (released on Monday 3 March).

For your chance to win just tell us: Which studio in Berlin was War Room Stories recorded in?

Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN, EMAIL competitions@thelatest.co.uk

with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 10 March 2014.

011_LS667_nuffield_011_LS466_interview 21/02/2014 11:10 Page 2

NUFFIELD

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Nuffield Brighton

keeping your health on track

H

ello again from Carolyn Render, Victoria Mayes, Martina Bisping, Chris Rosam and Owen Harris – the physiotherapy team at the Nuffield Brighton, and welcome to our Brighton Marathon advice column. Last month we invited anyone taking part to email us their questions, we had a great response and below we answer a few of them. Keep them coming though as we will be doing this in Latest 7 right up until the Marathon.

Remember to pick up a copy and see if we addressed your issue.

We are also delighted to offer a 20% off discount off any physiotherapy session in the run up to the Brighton Marathon. All you have to do is call 01273 627011 and quote “BRIGHTON 20” to us to qualify.

Over to you and your questions now.

How can I avoid and treat muscle cramps? M.M Unfortunately some people are just more prone to this than others. Firstly make sure you are following a recognised training plan, which gradually increases your distance. Secondly make sure you are not dehydrated; take on fluids which include electrolytes, for example sports drinks (not tea and coffee) before, during and after your runs. If you are still experiencing a problem, stop and stretch for a minute during a run if cramp feels like it is developing or decrease your speed slightly.

Can I train for a marathon on a treadmill? S.R Specific training is always ideal, meaning that your training should be specific to your goal. It is possible to do some of your training on the treadmill, but advisable that most is done in the setting you aim to perform, so in the case of the marathon outdoors on concrete and tarmac surfaces.

Should I take salt before long run/marathon? S.R Salt is an electrolyte which is lost during sweating, so it is a good idea to replace it (alongside water) before, during and after long runs. Be guided by the instructions on the sports drinks/gels for intake, and do make sure you try out during training to check how your body responds to them, and not just on the big day.

Why am I gaining weight during marathon training? L.F Muscle is denser and therefore heavier than fat. You are slowly building muscle bulk and burning off fat. However, a lot of runners can tend to overcompensate their efforts and end up taking on more calories than they are using up (post run recovery drinks, increased meal sizes, snacking). Also if you are loading up on carbohydrates your body will also retain more water (which is useful to do in the short period before your big race/long runs) but will also have the result in increasing your weight.

Are you running the Marathon? If you have any questions you would like to ask our team of expert physiotherapists please email editorial@thelatest.co.uk with the subject line as Ask Nuffield. We will be printing and answering your questions in our column, out in Latest 7 on the last Tuesday of every month.

If you have a problem which requires Physiotherapy (assessment, treatment or advice) please do not hesitate to contact us on 01273 627011. Nuffield Brighton, Warren Road, BN2 6DX.

Nuffield Brighton, the city’s most trusted and established private hospital, commits itself to delivering exceptional healthcare from Sussex’s leading medical consultants, who are complemented by a recent £7million refurbishment to provide the most up to date technological medical equipment to deliver fast, effective and efficient treatments. Our patient rooms with en-suite facilities offer hotel standard accommodation and all our staff are highly trained with an overall aim of creating a caring environment to encourage a speedy recovery and patient wellbeing.

012-015_LS667_foodprivate__food 21/02/2014 17:02 Page 1

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK

Food & Drink Andrew Kay on the joys of private dining in Brighton and Hove

Privates on parade M

y friends all know how much I love dining in restaurants and those that are really close to me will also know that I hate dining in restaurants in large parties... except for when that large party is in a private space.

I somehow cannot relax when I’m at a large table surrounded by smaller parties, and I think it comes from not liking being in a restaurant and having to share the space with large parties myself. No matter how dignified a group can be, there is an inevitable noise level and disturbance that comes from a big table and the staff doing their best to deal with it. I’m not saying that big parties turn into wild animals but I am saying that they need a different level of service and to my mind private dining is the ideal solution.

Of course most restaurants will offer you their whole space should you be able to fill it, and this can be an excellent way forward for major celebrations like anniversaries or weddings, but for those smaller events you need to keep your eyes peeled for those places that offer a private room which is separate from their main restaurant. Over the years I have been lucky enough to dine in a great many such spaces. You may have read my review of a very special meal in West London a few months back where the offer was both special and very sensibly priced. Here in Brighton and Hove I have been lucky enough to go to many of the city’s best private dining rooms.

Private dining at Drakes

T

he impeccable restaurant at drakes nestles invitingly on the lower ground level of the revered drakes hotel on the Brighton seafront. With low key lighting, exposed brick work and elegantly set tables, an ambiance of relaxed glamour is created to suit every occasion.

There are two separate dining rooms available to book for private use: The stunning main dining room is perfect for larger groups of up to 40 guests whilst the smaller private dining room provides an intimate setting for up to 12 guests and comes

complete with a dedicated waiter.

This room is also well suited and fully equipped for meetings.

01273 696 934 43-44 Marine Parade Brighton BN2 1PE www.drakesofbrighton.com/

The Restaurant at Drakes is run by my good friend and International Chef Exchange star Andy MacKenzie. Their private dining room is an elegant space off the main restaurant where they can accommodate parties of up to 12 and comes with your own dedicated waiter for the evening. Having experienced this on several occassions I can wholeheartedly recommend the entire experience. It is elegant and sophisticated, chef Andy prepares exquisite food and they can offer you a pre-arranged menu or the full a la carte offer. If the event is your treat you can ask for the menus to have no prices on them, a smart touch that takes away any embarrassment for your guests when ordering. The wine list is also exceptional but you can quite easily pre-order your wines too if you need to stick to a budget. The Restaurant at Drakes is a propulsor dining experience for Brighton and Hove’s real food lovers and their private dining room is a very special experience. Andy MacKenzie prepares sophisticated dishes that are based on clever sourcing of the very best seasonal and regional ingredients and his acquisitive attitude to culinary ideas that over the years has seen him balance the new with the very best traditional cooking skills.

Over in Hove, Graze restaurant has always had a private dining room, but this has recently been redesigned. It was always smart and elegant but the new interior is opulent and rich. The look is a cross between a gentlemen’s club and boudoir with a rather saucy hint of opium den with the inclusion of richly decorated items of chinoisserie.

To balance this the food is absolutely of the moment with a menu that truly reflects contemporary fashions in cuisine. Their chef Adrian Hawkins has fast become a culinary exponent to watch and his clever dishes are exquisitely executed and presented, at times challenging convention but always delivering on taste and style.

Their private dining in the Regency Room is a versatile option. Up to 12 people can dine at their large square table or they can accommodate up to 24 along a grand banquetting table. The room is available for conferencing, small parties and presentations with cocktails or champagne with canapés, or for more formal dinners with menus from three to nine courses. They also offer a wine pairing option where each dish will be matched with an appropriate wine.

These are amongst my favourites but there are many more and it is often worth asking when you are planning a special event.

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PRIVATE DINING

Graze

G

raze Restaurant on Western Road, Hove, is home to The Regency Room, arguably the city’s best and certainly most unique private dining room.

Recently fully refurbished, the room pays homage to Brighton’s most celebrated resident, no, not Fatboy Slim, we mean of course King George IV, The Prince Regent, whose portrait takes pride of place in the room. Indeed the wall decorations nod fervently to the sort ‘Prinny’ (as his friends knew him) enjoyed in his palace The Royal Pavilion.

The Regency Room has a decadent atmosphere featuring some very interesting pieces such as a series of anthropomorphic animals imported from Italy, a small bar which looks like a mini stage and features an antique credenza and a variety of antique oriental wall coverings. Lighting has also been given plenty of thought and the numerous lamps and wall lights provide interest as well as intimate low lighting. We are told that one half of the partnership that own Graze, Neil or Manni as he is known, is fully responsible for the décor. Hats off to him!

Since the refurbishment the private room boasts a new large oval table which seats ten to sixteen diners, and provides room for

guests to enjoy a drink in the bar area before dinner. Larger parties (max 22) can also be catered for along a banquet style table.

We think The Regency Room is perfectly suited to host your birthday party, your intimate

wedding meal or your business dinner. As much as possible Graze tailors everything to your event and personal wishes including the menu, (options range from three to nine courses), the wines, (they have a great wine list), and the

13

music as well as offering canapés, cocktails and so on.

Graze was borne in 2006 and well deserves its reputation as one of the very best places to dine in the city. They hold 2AA rosettes, are recommended by Michelin and are highly rated by The Good Food Guide.

The kitchen team are all about ingenious fine dining and create outstanding dishes to feature on their Modern British a la carte and speciality seven course tasting menus (including vegetarian).

Passionate head chef Adrian Hawkins oozes enthusiasm and his dishes convey this, concentrating on flavour, aesthetics and texture in equal measure.

Should you have an event coming up, we highly recommend you get in touch with Kate (Graze’s other owner and the ‘face’ of Graze) straight away. The room books up fast.

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK

The New Steine Bistro

T

he New Steine Bistro and private dining is well known as Brighton’s quirky French restaurant.

Concentrating on homemade French cuisine, using top local produce exquisitely cooked by their French chef, the Bistro has gained a reputation for fine and private dining with extremely good value set menus alongside a la carte dining.

Their private dining room is the perfect place to host any celebration, from weddings to birthday parties, including special kids birthday

packages and entertainment from magicians, Tarot readers, singers and live entertainment. The room benefits from natural daylight as well as its own private patio for those who wish to smoke or just enjoy some of Brighton’s sea air.

“Come and try it, you certainly won’t regret it!” Says proprietor Hervé Guyat.

New Steine Hotel, 10-11 New Steine, Brighton, East Sussex, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546, www.newsteinehotel.com

– Starters –

Onion Tart (v) Butternut Squash Soup (v) Crayfish Salad Brie & Lardon Aumoniere Salmon Rillette Parma Ham & Goat’s Cheese Toast (also available without Parma Ham) Foie Gras de Canard, served with warm toast (£2.00 supplement)

– Main Courses –

Chicken Ballantine, stuffed with mushrooms and parmesan, served with gratin Dauphinois Sussex Braised Pork Cheeks, in a red wine sauce served with French beans and crushed potatoes Beef Bourguignon, served with mashed potato Duck Confit, served on a bed of lentils & lardons Fillet of Salmon, served with risotto Grilled Hake, served with ratatouille Baked Camembert, with chips and salad (v) Wild Mushroom Risotto (v)

– Desserts –

Chocolate Tarte Chocolate Mousse Profiteroles, served with ice cream and chocolate sauce Vanilla Salambo Blueberry Pannacotta Tarte Tatin Apple & Pear Crumble, with crème Anglaise

– Drink Options –

Pimms on Arrival or Kir Royal @ £3.95 per person extra Half Bottle of House Wine per person from £6.95 per person extra

Private Dining Sample Dishes 2 Courses at £17.95 per person 3 Courses at £19.95 per Person Ask us about our Gourmet Private Dinning Menu on 01273 681 546

10/11 New Steine Brighton BN2 1PB 01237 681546 www.newsteinehotel.com reservation@newsteinehotel.com

012-015_LS667_foodprivate__food 21/02/2014 17:03 Page 4

PRIVATE DINING

Gars

F

amous for quality Oriental cuisine, both classic and modern, Gars is one of Brighton’s most popular restaurants – of any kind. When it comes to stylish dining, celebrations and parties, this city centre venue comes at the top of many lists.

There is no doubt that the quality of the food at Gars has a lot to do with its popularity, but the smart designer interiors and excellent friendly service also play a big part in making this a top spot for that special night out. For those really special occasions the private dining room is an ideal choice. The lower ground floor suites have recently been redesigned and now boast stunning metallic wall coverings and fabulous Fornasetti print wallpaper featuring the iconic ‘Face Plates’ in black and white against a striking deep red background.

Seated, the private dining room will accommodate around 20 guests and for buffets even more.

The kitchen offers a wide range of set feasts for such occasions or menus can be pre-arranged to suit your personal needs.

And after dinner you can indulge in karaoke. State-of-the-art equipment and plenty of microphones mean that everyone can join in the fun, and in total privacy, isolated from the rest of the restaurant.

It’s not just for grown ups either, Gars holds great kids parties with fun food, children simply love Chinese food, and, of course, karaoke too. It goes down well with everyone. Whether you want a sophisticated night of fine Oriental dining or a buffet of fabulous finger food and karaoke, the private dining room at Gars will certainly fit the bill.

Gars, 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton, East Sussex, BN1 1HF, 01273 321321 www.gars.co.uk

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016_LS667_barecheek_Editorial 21/02/2014 09:19 Page 2

ONLY JOKING!

Bare Cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

Great Mysteries Of The World A n occasional series in which we examine some of the unsolved riddles that have befuddled the minds of men through the ages.

Mystery No. 427 Why was he called Bruce Banner in the comic and David Banner on telly?

What was going on there? They didn't change Clark Kent's name, did they? Or Bruce Wayne....Ah wait a minute. That's it. Too many Bruces, see.

Maybe it was a bit like joining Equity – there was already a superhero on TV whose real name was Bruce. Hence David. That'll be it.

latest musicbar the place for parties!

Can't remember the name of a book, song or film?

Mike Hunter is the man with the answers....

Dear Mike,

Dear Mr. Smith,

When I was a teenager in the mid 1980s I read a novel which then seemed peculiarly timely and resonant, even though it was set in the future.

It depicted a dystopian Britain in which a brutal, Soviet-style regime quells dissent with a blend of fear, propaganda, strict censorship, torture and constant surveillance, and bullies the masses into adoring their leader (very possibly a mere fictional embodiment of the ruling elite), whose image is projected on huge screens everywhere.

The hero of the novel finds himself drawn, through a forbidden love affair, into the underground movement (possibly another contruct of the state). He is captured by the 'Thought Police', interrogated, brainwashed, tortured, and ultimately forced to betray his love when confronted by his greatest fear – a cage of rats strapped to his face.

As it is thirty years since I read this book, I feel the time is ripe for a re-visit, but cannot recollect its title or author. In fact, I cannot be certain it even exists. Maybe it was a false memory, or waking dream. I went into a pub in the old part of town to ask someone who might remember the times before, but all he came up with was the words to 'Oranges and Lemons'. Then the clocks struck thirteen and I had to get back to my job at Minitrue.

Well, the novel, regularly voted by readers and critics one of the greatest of the 20th Century, certainly does exist and you must have disappeared down a 'memory hole' to have forgotten the name of it. In fact, your memory is so double-plus ungood it would make a strong contender for my own personal Room 101 and, were I your Big Brother, I would tear you off an (Air) strip (One). For the novel in question is, of course, that seminal work of Post-War British Fiction, 'How To Be A Wally' by Paul Manning.

Glad to be of help!

Love,

Please, please help.

Yours, W. Smith, Kemptown.

Mike.

In & Out

In

• French loos (hole in the ground) • Spanish drains • Monteczuma's Revenge • Legionnaire's Disease • Bidets

Out

• German toilets (with the shelf) • Hepatitis A • Airplane lavvies (of vacuum-flush horror story fame) • Dehli Belly • Dunnies

8

Next week: Why did transforming into the Hulk turn Dr. Banner's trousers purple?

Is that what was incredible about him?

What was that?

8

16

Follow me: @MitchellnNixon

•atmospheric •affordable •available any night •you make the booking •we make it happen

•birthdays •weddings •civil partnerships •office parties •business events •hen & stag nights •tell us what you want •we provide it all! call ruth on 01273 687171 or email: bookings@thelatest.co.uk www.thelatest.co.uk/musicbar

017_LS667_W140_albion clinicmothers_Revitalise 19/02/2014 12:54 Page 3

wave

Dear mum Savina Radeva finds the perfect gifts for your mum this Mother’s Day

1

Pro-Collagen Super System, £155,00 www.elemis.com This 4-step system, including NEW Pro-Collagen Super Serum, fine lines and wrinkles appear dramatically reduced and skin is left feeling instantly moisturised.

2

Keeping Bees – The Ideal Life Collection DVD, £14.99, www.stitchcombe.co.uk/keepingbees Inspire your mum to learn all about one of the most remarkable creatures on the planet and then put theory into practice and become a beekeeper!

printed with an exclusive ancient map design. It reminds us of all the globe-trotting we do to find you the perfect products..

5

Red Velvet Truffles, £11,00, www.prestat.co.uk/ Red Velvet Truffle with a classic icing centre enrobed in milk chocolate and dusted in deep red raspberry powder.

Words: Savina Radeva

3

Cyto-Luxe Collection, www.glominerals.com, £89.00 Discover the power and beauty of phytostem technology with this limited edition Cyto-luxe skin and body care set. All three products are designed to dramatically refine skin tone and texture.

4

Navy World Print Scarf, £30,00, www.isabi.com Inspired by travels, this scarf is

Education, education, education Albion Clinic offers the opportunity to learn more about a holistic approach

A

generally acknowledged wisdom when looking after yourself is that a holistic approach really looks after you on all levels. Which is why this new series of free talks from the Albion Clinic are such a gem to stumble upon. Opening this week with Jasmine Uddin, Ruth Urbanowicz, Julia Behrens and Roberta Young on Thursday 27 February discussing various techniques beneficial to sufferers of arthritis. Incorporating chiropractic techniques along with acupuncture, herbs and homoeopathy, this offers an opportunity to understand in what ways your body can benefit from these practises and how they address arthritis in particular.

Combining complimentary treatments is not a new thing, but bringing together experts in the variety of complimentary fields to explain how they all work is a piece of common sense not always available to us. To understand, with complete transparency, the ‘why’ of how something is helping you with a particular issue is an invaluable

asset not just to your education, but also to your peace of mind.

The first free evening talk will be on treatments for arthritis, but

future talks are available on Homoeopathy For Beginners (Thursday 27 March), Treating Autistic Children with Homoeopathy (Thursday 3 April), Anxiety Stress & Trauma (Thursday 24 April) and Assertiveness Training (Saturday 7 June – by donation) with opportunities to attend private seminars at a very reasonable fee on other health topics. Further details or dates, topics and details of those involved can be found at The Albion Clinic and its website, along with the opportunity to make private appointments with all of the clinic’s experts at your own convenience.

The Albion clinic is conveniently situated opposite St Peter’s Church, right by The Level and near to the centre of town and to Brighton Station and bus routes.

Albion Clinic. 1 Albion Street, Brighton BN2 9NE, 01273 628221, www.albionclinic.org.uk, admin@albionclinic.co.uk

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018_LS667_Wave_CNM_CNM 21/02/2014 09:19 Page 2

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Dear Jacquie Your queries about natural health answered

by Jacquie Lane for the College of Naturopathic Medicine Dear Jacquie, I’ve just had a blood test at the doctor’s that says I have stage 1 kidney disease. He hasn’t yet given me medication, but says I should change my diet and keep my blood pressure down. How? Chronic kidney disease (CKD) means that your kidneys are not working as well as they once did. The kidneys have many functions but in particular they filter out waste products from the bloodstream, to be passed out in the urine and help control blood pressure – partly by the amount of water passed out of the body as urine, and partly by making hormones which are involved in blood pressure control. This is why the two are linked.

Food wise, you should limit salt intake by avoiding pre-packed highly salted foods, e.g. biscuits, chips, processed meats, ‘fast’ foods, pizza, packet soups, instant pastas, pre-packaged sauces, canned vegetables.

Avoid highly processed and refined foods, such as cakes, white

bread, pastas, cereals and sugar.

Avoid alcohol, saturated fat, trans-fatty acids, sugar, caffeine, and tobacco.

Eat foods that naturally have a diuretic action: asparagus, garlic, pineapple, celery, onion, leeks, parsley, leafy greens, green beans and pumpkin. Plus foods that are high in antioxidants to improve circulation: blueberries, raspberries, tomatoes, cherries, squash and peppers.

Eat a high-fibre diet, including plenty of fresh whole foods such as vegetables and fruits, whole

grains, and raw nuts and seeds.

Eat deep sea cold water fish e.g. salmon and mackerel.

Drink fluids such as water, herbal teas (nettle, dandelion leaf, ginger, green tea, Echinacea) and freshly squeezed vegetable/fruit juices, such as cucumber, parsley, celery and pineapple.

Avoid coffee, tea, artificially sweetened “sugar-free” drinks, alcohol, cordial, colas and sweetened drinks.

Studies are showing that Isoflavones and lignans, which are extracts from soya, flaxseed and sesame seeds, have the ability to reduce protein in the urine, preserve renal function, and slow down the progression of chronic kidney failure. So increase your intake of organic soya milk, tofu, tahini, and flax seeds ground up and sprinkled on porridge and salads.

See a nutritional therapist for individualised guidance and recommended supplements.

See your health professional for advice.

Free open evening

6th March 6.30pm-8.30pm Free Brighton Open Evening - find out about CNM training in Brighton to become a nutritional therapist.

22nd-23rd March Open Weekend at CNM London. Talks to inspire you about natural health. www.naturopathy-uk.com

Jacquie Lane is both a lecturer and the Director of Studies at CNM, (College of Naturopathic Medicine) in Brighton. Jacquie also runs her own nutrition clinic and manages a biological testing lab specialising in digestive issues. Email Jacquie at: sunshinenutrition@hotmail.co.uk

017_LS667_wave_jonathan_conway_011_LS466_interview 21/02/2014 14:45 Page 2

wave 19

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WIN A complimentary Kerastraight Style Solution treatment worth £180 The Trevor Sorbie salon on Nile Street in Brighton are offering one lucky reader the opportunity to win a full, complimentary Kerastraight Style Solution treatment worth £180. Also known as the ‘Brazilian blowdry’, this super smoothing treatment eliminates bad hair days by targeting weakened areas of the hair and adding brilliant shine, meaning you get a salon perfect blow dry for up to 12 weeks. To enter, simply email your name with KERASTRAIGHT COMPETITION in the subject field to: btnbookings@trevorsorbie.com Latest 7 readers booking any

Kerastraight treatment in February or March and quoting LATEST 7 OFFER will receive a 20% discount. www.trevorsorbie.com 01273 220007

How do I do that?

Hypnotherapy can be a practical solution to overcoming obstacles in your life. Savina Redeva puts familiar questions to a professional...

1

I want to run Brighton Marathon one day. Can hypnotherapy help me do better in sports?

2

I wish I had more confidence. Can hypnotherapy change my personality?

3

I would love to fly abroad but have such a fear of flying after going through severe turbulence when I was little. Can hypnotherapy make you forget past events that caused your phobia?

4 5 6

Can hypnotherapy release the physical pain caused by phobias?

My new job means I need to give public presentations. How many hypnotherapy sessions do I need to improve my public performance?

I'm seeing a hypnotherapist to help me kick my smoking habit. Am I going to be able to handle passive smoking after my hypnotherapy?

See how hypnotherapy can help solve these problems in next week's Latest 7, as Hypnotherapist and NLP practitioner Jonathan Conway answers your queries.

Jonathan Conway Hypnotherapist and NLP Coach 07956 855027 or 01273 540425 www.theconwaypractice.co.uk

020_LS667_hotlist_Hotlist 21/02/2014 14:33 Page 2

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HOTLIST

L7 Hotlist Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk British & Modern European

Indian

Bardsley’s

Chaula’s Lewes

Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele.

Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

Fully licensed.

Bardsley’s, 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256, www.bardsleys-fishandchips.co.uk

Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan as well as gluten and wheat free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday.

Chaula’s, Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

Chaula’s Brighton

A second venue for this brilliant Indian restaurant is now open here in Brighton. Superb regional dishes, fresh tasting and exciting.

Chaula and her team breathe fresh air into the idea of Indian food with authentic recipes served in bright and stylish surroundings. The cooking is executed with a light touch too, no heavy ghee-based sauces here but an altogether healthier approach – but not at the cost of flavour. Both delicious and affordable.

Buffet available for £6.99; Meal Deal for £9.99.

Chaula’s, 2–3 Little East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HT, 01273 771661, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle

Chaula’s Brighton

The Chilli Pickle is a local favourite with national standing which combines traditional Indian methods with local produce and an individual style. Their ample thalis spice up a midday meeting or a catch-up with friends, while the evening menu offers inventive street food, local seafood and tasty regional curries, served in an upbeat and informal atmosphere.

The Chilli Pickle featured in the National Restaurant Awards’ UK top 100 in 2011-12, and scooped ‘Best Casual Dining’ at the 2012 British Curry Awards.

The Chilli Pickle, 17 Jubilee Square, Brighton 01273 900 383, www.thechillipickle.com

The Chilli Pickle Canteen

The definitive delivery service from The Chilli Pickle launched this year. Bold, Indianinspired design, specially-commissioned artwork and smart delivery stake out new ground in home dining. Meanwhile, the menu showcases some of the restaurant’s familiar touches: with regional curries, homemade pickles and chutneys, plus superb ice creams.

The Chilli Pickle Canteen: order online at http://thechillipicklecanteen.com 01273 900384

Italian Donatello

Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant value meal deals on blackboards – two courses £6.95 or three for £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Donatello, Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Thai Street Thai

Dishes served here are simple, healthy and delicious using the finest and freshest ingredients. Thai people love their street food and Street Thai is the most authentic way of eating and experiencing Thai food.

Set menu is available every day except Saturday with two-courses at £8.95 and three-courses at £10.95.

Street Thai, 01273 207444, 5 & 20 Brighton Square, Brighton BN1 1HD

Up to 50% off your food bill Table Pouncer

Table Pouncer has teamed up with Latest 7 to offer diners up to 50% off their food bill.

Register for free and take advantage of great savings. Participating restaurants change all the time, so check back and see whether your favourite is there. From Italian and Chinese to seafood and more, eating out has just got a lot more affordable. http://thelatest.co.uk/tablepouncer/

The Chilli Pickle Canteen

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150

019_LS667_stage_editorial 19/02/2014 13:02 Page 2 M Foreste

WHAT’S ON STAGE

L7 what’s on STAGE: A CURIOUS REQUEST Ellen Kent Opera search for a canine star

D

oes your pet dog have what it takes to be an opera star?

Has your dog got star quality?

Theatre Royal Brighton are asking if your pet pooch is the canine equivalent of Richard Gere or Julia Roberts, if so they could win a place in the spotlight in the beautiful and romantic opera La Boheme, which is performed at Theatre Royal Brighton for one night only on Sunday 20 April.

International soloists have been selected from across the world to join the celebrated Chisinau National Opera and Philharmonic Orchestra’s Spring tour – but there is still one part to be cast, the role of Muzetta’s pet dog.

Award winning opera director and producer Ellen Kent said: “People say never work with children or animals but I love to do both. The first time was 20 years ago when my pet cat was in one of my productions and was an instant hit.

Since then we’ve had horses, goldfish and even a golden eagle with a 6ft wingspan on stage.

“Many years ago when we last did La Boheme and asked local people to volunteer their pets it was a huge success. We even used a rescue dog once and found him dozens of new owners!

“We’re a nation of animal lovers after all. I’m sure there is plenty of doggie talent out there.”

Your pet needs to be well behaved and small – and as his owner, you will need to be prepared to go onstage in costume to look after him or her.

Sung in Italian with English surtitles, La Boheme based on Henri Murger’s novel Scenes de la Vie de Boheme and focuses on the love between seamstress Mimi and poet Rodolfo. After falling in love instantly, Rodolfo later leaves Mimi due to her flirtatious behaviour, although he is wracked by guilt since their life together has probably worsened Mimi’s delicate constitution. In true tragic opera fashion, the pair reunite briefly at the end before Mimi dies.

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE!

21

The tour features celebrated international soloists soprano Elena Dee as Mimi.

To audition your dog: Please send a photograph to Sadie Williams at sadie@ellenkent.co.uk. Please include your contact number and address as well as the breed, height, weight, age and name of your dog.

If you are successful, we will contact you a week before the performance.

La Boheme Theatre Royal Brighton on Sunday 20 April.

To book tickets www.atgtickets.com/brighton* 0844 871 7650*

>THIS WEEK’S MUST SEES

STAGE: MACBETH Blue Orange Theatre bring their acclaimed new production of Macbeth to The Hawth Studio on Tuesday 25 March 7.45pm. From the company that brought you Stephen King's Misery and Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island, Blue Orange Theatre presents William Shakespeare's murderous tale of greed, witchcraft and madness.

In a seemingly chance encounter, three witches foretell a great future

Kindertransport Devonshire Park Theatre, Eastbourne Tues 25 Feb to 1 March Box office 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk

Rambert Dance Company

Theatre Royal Brighton Weds 26 Feb to 1 March Box office 08448 717 650 www.atgtickets.com/brighton Opera Australia: Don Pasquale Connaught Cinema, Worthing Tues 25 Feb Box office 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

Kodo Concert Hall, Brighton Dome Fri 28 Feb Box office 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org for Macbeth. To achieve his potential however, he must betray long-held oaths, bonds and loyalties.

Macbeth will be performed with a cast of four actors playing multiple roles bringing clarity and immediacy to the text in a dynamic re-telling of the classic play.

Shakespeare’s reach is truly global with his plays being performed across the world.

Macbeth is arguably his most famous and certainly one of his most popular pieces.

Macbeth Hawth Studio Tuesday 25 March 7.45pm, Tickets: £15 (discounts: £13), Out;smart: £8.50 The Hawth Box Office on 01293 553636 or book online at www.hawth.co.uk. www.blueorangetheatre.co.uk

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022_023_LS667_previews DPS_editorial 19/02/2014 13:58 Page 1

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WHAT’S ON COMEDY&FILM, ART&EVENTS

COMEDY: COMIC BOOM Offering a leg-up to fast-rising comedy talent, and showcasing top notch headliners – Comic Boom’s here

A

long the breadth of the country, numerous comics have said that playing Komedia in Brighton is one of their favourite things. Add to that a club that has supported and nurtured them as they grew, first with five minute spots, then ten minutes and then finally headlining and you’ll understand why names off the telly like Nick Helm, Seann Walsh and Romesh Ranganathan come back time and time again to play Comic Boom. Other headliners over the years include Sarah Millican, Hal Cruttenden, Simon Evans, Roisin Conaty, Isy Suttie, Mike Wozniak and many more you’ll have seen picking up awards and on your telly rather regularly these days, testifying to the consistent high class of the booking and good eye to catching future stars of comedy. Which is how Comic Boom works.

This month’s headline act is the impressive Elis James, last seen in our town as one third of Committee Meeting, a surprise highlight of the Brighton Comedy Festival 2013. A regular on BBC Radio Wales, support act and friend of Rhod Gilbert (also leading to him being a regular on Gilbert’s radio show/podcast), this laid back Welshman has a fresh humour that’s highly enjoyable.

Add to that support from six incredible new acts, on the cusp of breaking through to the mainstream club circuit (including this one’s headline slot) and you have a keen eye for emerging comedy working for you and gathering future stars at all levels in their careers to one place; Comic Boom. It’s well worth reminding ourselves what a gem this is to have on our doorsteps every month.

Comic Boom, Komedia, Thursday 27 February 2014, 8pm, £9/7, www.komedia.co.uk/brighton, 0845 293 8480

COMEDY: WITTANK PRESENTS: THE SCHOOL Sketch outfit WitTank (as seen on BBC3’s Live At The Electric) presents the charmingly warped world of The School – An institution with an array of loveable, crazy, eccentric characters. Featuring the combined comic talents of Mark Cooper-Jones, Kieran Boyd and Naz Osmanoglu.

Komedia, Sun 2 Mar 2014, 8pm, £12 COMEDY: RABBIT IN HEADLIGHTS Brighton’s longest running act night is back to offer you the best selection of new and established comics with the bizarre and occasionally mindblowing one liners!

Upstairs At The Three And Ten, Tues 28 Feb 2014, 8pm, £6.50/5.50

EVENT: AN AFTERNOON WITH JACQUELINE WILSON The Book Nook presents this great opportunity to meet popular children’s author Jacqueline Wilson, who will be discussing her book ‘Paws & Whiskers’.

All Saints Church Hove, Sat 1 March, £3-£11.99, phone 01273 911988 for tickets FILM: NON-STOP (TBC) Dir: Juame Collet-Serra Liam Neeson stars in this thriller as a U.S. Air Marshall who receives texts asking for the government to transfer millions of dollars into an offshore account. Expect guns, suspense, and some rough justice.

Released Fri 28 Feb Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

EVENTS: SWINGTIME BALL Brighton's famous Grand Hotel will host an evening celebrating the Big Band swing era, featuring a three course dinner, live music, raffle and auction! Prizes include VIP passes for Peter Andre, tickets to a West End show and many more, and it’s all to raise funds for the Dame Vera Lynn Trust for Children with Cerebral Palsy.

Grand Hotel Brighton, Sat 1 March, £85, phone 01403 780444 for tickets

FILM: AS THE PALACES BURN (15) Dir: Don Argott This documentary about the metal band Lamb of God was initially intended to follow their 2012 world tour. During filming however, lead singer Randy Blythe was arrested for the death of a young fan in the Czech Republic, so the film's focus shifts on to the emotional courtroom drama that ensued.

Released Fri 28 Feb Showing at Duke's At Komedia ART: THE NAKED & THE NUDE Guaranteed interest in this one, but well justified by the looks of it,

Listings Elis James

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE!

Send your stage listings to: stage@thelatest.co.uk Send your comedy listings to: comedy@thelatest.co.uk Send your events listings to: events@thelatest.co.uk Send your arts listings to: art@thelatest.co.uk Send your music listings to: music@thelatest.co.uk Send your club listings to: clubs@thelatest.co.uk Send your gay listings to: gay@thelatest.co.uk

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Brighton's very own TV channel is coming to Channel 8. Launch date: 2014

022_023_LS667_previews DPS_editorial 19/02/2014 13:59 Page 2 Maggie Claringbould King Creosote

WHAT’S ON MUSIC&FILM, ART&EVENTS

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MUSIC: MIDLAKE It’s goodbye and hello from Midlake

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Non-Stop

MUSIC: RAE MORRIS Since signing with Atlantic at the age of 18, she’s released three EPs toured with Bombay Bicycle Club, Lianne La Havas and Noah & The Whale. She’s to be found on Bombay’s new long player as well as performing with them on vocals, but look out for her debut album later in the year.

Komedia, Tues 25 Feb, 7pm, £7 with works by Req, George Keetley, Stan Keetley, Jamie McCartney, Soultrader, Ruhan van Vuuren and Ant Fox. There's also a calendar of events throughout the run. www.warehousegallery.co.uk Warehouse Gallery, 128 Gloucester Road, Brighton. Until 8 March ART: SARAH BURGESS Lewes based artist who specialises in large-scale impressionistic paintings of flowers and landscapes.

Pelham Hosue, St. Andrew’s Lane, Lewes, 01273 488600. Until 1 April.

MUSIC: CRYSTAL ANTLERS Noisy psych, prog and garage merchants hailing from the USA. A DIY three-piece already with a colourful history, including the fact that a bank robber funded their debut single, their album Nothing Is Real was recently released to much fanfare.

Sticky Mike’s Frog Bar, Tues 25 Feb, 8pm, £9.50

For full details of film times: www.odeon.co.uk www.picturehouses.co.uk www.cineworld.co.uk www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE!

n antiphon is a call-and-response style of singing, from Gregorian chants to sea shanties. In the case of Denton, Texas’ favourite sons Midlake, it’s the perfect title for a bold response to a new phase in the band’s illustrious career, with a re-jigged line-up and a newly honed sound as rich and symphonic as it is dynamic and kaleidoscopic.

Formed in 1999 by a group of jazz musicians - they initially were called The Cornbread All-Stars and were heavily influenced by Herbie Hancock, but it wasn’t until the release of the soft-rock and psychedelic strains of their 2006 breakthrough album, The Trials Of Van Occupanther, that Midlake had truly arrived. For their next album, The Courage Of Others, they added some British folk influence, while Antiphon, their fourth album, can be viewed as being more progressive in nature, but with strong streak of psychedlia remaining.

“On Antiphon we wanted to embrace the psychedelia, style and nuance you might hear in bands from yesteryear while also being aware of music influences present now.

The result was less folk and more rock. Less nostalgic and more progressive,” says frontman Eric Pulido But it was a difficult birth: Former frontman and songwriterTim Smith left the band while making Antiphon, a difficult separation that threw into doubt the future of the band.

But they decided to regroup, to delete the album made so far, and start from scratch. In the end a further six months was spent making Antiphon, and although you cannot hear the voice of Smith anymore, it still, somehow, sounds like a Midlake record.

The band had already validated their instrumental mettle by backing John Grant on his award-winning 2010 solo debut Queen Of Denmark; now they had to step into new roles, collaborate on songwriting and have Pulido take over as frontman. He admits it wasn’t the easiest transition for any of the band but the experience was enormously freeing: “Antiphon is the most honest representation of the band as a whole, as opposed to one person’s vision that we were trying to facilitate,” he has said, somewhat without subtlety. It was a more honest representation of who we really are.”

St. George's Church, Thursday 27 Feb, 7pm, £18

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024_LS667_bookings _editorial 20/02/2014 17:34 Page 1

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WHAT’S ON MUSIC CHART, REVIEWS&BOOKINGS

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

8

Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP 20

This weeks number one is another non mover! Listen online to get your favourites.

1 The Black FieldsThe Fighter

L7 what’s on

Under review

Bookings

MOONDANCING

GARY DELANEY: PURIST

VAN MORRISON Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 17 February 2014

Komedia, 19 March 2014, £13, 0845 293 8480, www.komedia.co.uk/brighton Gary thinks that most shows don’t contain enough jokes, and is trying single handedly to redress the balance. Award-winning joke machine.

DIDN'T YOU USED TO BE DEREK JACOBI?

Emporium, 10–15 March 2014, from £10.80, emporiumbrighton.com Douglas Roberts used to be the Milky Bar Kid. When he gets his first West End job and discovers that not only has he got his own dressing room (with a fridge) but that he's in a cast with Sir Derek Jacobi and an actress from Crossroads, he thinks he's died and gone to heaven! Starring awardwinner Nigel Fairs. Directed by Louise Jameson (Dr Who, Tenko, Eastenders)

2 Trilby Valentine 3 The Last Cry Rebekka 4 Light Fingered Folk One of These Days 5 Pete Gioconda Lazybones 6 Imbium Ghecko The Miff Funk

BEN OTTEWELL (FROM GOMEZ)

7 SENIOR SERVICE Devils Advocate 8 Izzy Beautiful 9 tenek If I Should Fall - ep version 10 Black Rooster Black Shag Amsterdam 11 VULTRALITES Sweet Ghost ft. Gemma Vaz 12 matthew the oxx the river 13 Vortex Generator Regenerate 14 The Dead Reds Stand Up 15 The Mice Submission - Radio Edit 16 Pete Gioconda The Time of Great Waste 17 DIRTY WEEKEND in Brighton Dirty Weekend in Brighton 18 tenek No Time For Fighting (JAB EDIT) 19 The Dead Reds Hell I Know S

20 Vortex Generator YUOBUMRIT Water Bleeding &MvUidSIC eos

SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC AND VIDEOS www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

Komedia, 23 April 2014, £12.50, 0845 293 8480, www.komedia.co.uk/brighton Ben has recently released his second solo album, ‘Rattlebag’ & Lout are excited to book him again after selling out in 2011.

ROBIN INCE, CHARLOTTE YOUNG AND GUESTS: YOUR CULTURE IS AILING, YOUR ART IS DEAD

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 11 March 2014, £10/8.50, 07800 983 290, www.upstairsatthreeandten.co.uk Your Culture is Ailing, Your Art is Dead is a new night co-curated by artist Charlotte Young and Robin Ince which will dissect and poke at the corpse of contemporary culture and see if there might be any life in it. It will mix up comedy, performance art (such a dreaded word), visual art, projections and anything else that will fit in the room.

✪✪✪✪

T

he Dome’s Conert Hall was almost full but not quite sold out, perhaps due to Morrison’s hit-and-miss reputation and the expensive tickets. Van was thankfully in a good mood however, starting off with some soulful saxophone playing in the midst of a nine-piece band. The setlist was fairly esoteric and hit-lite, with a lounge jazz and soft blues feel. At times, the template blues numbers were a little samey, or even bland, but when Morrison went into ballad mode he really hit his stride.

Third song ‘So Quiet In Here’ was a highlight, a strong song with pleasantly shuffling drums, a sweet rolling melody and a prominent Astral Weeks type bass line. Van’s distinctive voice also shone most brightly on the ballads since they showcased his rich, smooth signature style. He couldn’t soar quite as highly as he used to, but there were still some glorious flashes of Morrison’s beautiful belting.

Blues singer Chris Farlowe joined Morrison for a few songs, including an uplifting cover of ‘Stand By Me’, an interesting jazzy arrangement of ‘Brown Eyed Girl’, and a rollicking rendition of ‘Gloria’.

Overall it was a solid performance from a great musician, never truly lifting off into the spectacular but still an enjoyable, occasionally moving show.

Joe Fuller

BRIGHTON TATTOO CONVENTION

One of the most anticipated events of the year finally came upon us. For many amongst my circles the Brighton Tattoo Convention is the highlight of the year and there is no questioning why. The best tattooists from around the globe descend upon our little seaside town and put their enigmatic marks upon the skin of tattoo enthusiasts who have travelled far and wide to fulfil their needle lead urges. It’s not all tattoos though, oh no. We had Brighton’s very own AONO Barber Shop cutting hair and beards, their stand was heaving all weekend.

There were shops selling hair clips to taxidermy and plenty of Sailor Jerry’s cocktails to boot. Now the countdown to next year begins!

Hilton Metropole Hotel, 15–16 February 2014 ✪✪✪✪ Rachel Simm

MINKLEY’S NIGHT OF MELODIES

This Samaritans benefit organised

by Gabrielle Minkley, in memory of her late husband Oliver, began superbly with Jennifer Left’s enjoyable quirky pop vignettes; the first of a string of local talents who had waived their fees for an event that raised over £3000.

Alex Worral was a nervous but endearing MC and hosted some supremely shambolic raffles either side of a well received set by the bafflingly popular Mr B The Gentleman Rhymer. The ridiculously-talented Alice Russell and band closed the evening with her testifying soul tunes that completed a great night in support of an important cause.

The Old Market, 16 February 2014 ✪✪✪✪ Steve Clements

>CLUB HIGHLIGHTS< Don’t miss our pick of Brighton after dark 2FINGERZ A new night in town that promises 'continuous bangers', you can expect an eclectic mix of hip hop, indie and pop tunes, ranging from A$AP Rocky to The Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Audio, Tues 25 Feb, 11pm, £3 HORSE Horse celebrates the soundtrack (and similar music) of Tony Hawks Pro Skater, and you can even play the videogame while

you're there too! Nostalgic fun, and a chance to show off your grinds, tricks and sublime combos.

Sticky Mike's Frog Bar, Thurs 27 Feb, 8pm, Free DJ EZ Voted one of the best club nights in the world, Supercharged presents bass music maestro DJ EZ this month, who will be joined

by DJ Zinc as well as UK Funky House's Roska.

Concorde 2, Fri 28 Feb, 11pm, £12

DREAMS NEVER END A really exciting new night featuring DJ Punky Joe spinning vinyl spanning over 40 years of alternative dance music, including The Velvet Underground, Cocteau Twins, The Strokes, Bowie and much more.

Upstairs at The Alibi, Sat 1 March, 8.30pm, £4

025_LS667_brightonafterdark_editorial 19/02/2014 13:11 Page 3

WHAT’S ON CLUBS & GIGS

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L7 BRIGHTON NOISE

SADE ALI ON THE FATE OF HER NEW BROWN SUEDE BOOTS

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ew boots! Every girl must know the amazing feeling of having new boots. No matter the time or place, you want to show them off and wear them everywhere. Some would agree to go out when they don’t actually want to, just to wear them. Well I was a very lucky girl this Valentines Day and got some new brown suede boots from my someone special. So what better to do than hit Lollipop and give the boots their first night out? It was a Valentine’s Day special and DJ Dubl was back with a vengeance! 1xtras Dj Dubl used to DJ at Lollipop back in the day at Honey club and never failed to put on a good performance. Specialising in Bashment and RnB and being a genius on the decks he knows exactly what song to play at what time and keeps everyone on their feet. I knew it was going to be a good night so I invited some of my favourite ladies and gents to party with me. Other than it being a Valentine’s special it was also a traffic light party. Which means if you’re single and ready to mingle you wear a green item of clothing. If you’re not sure and playing the field you wear orange and if you’re taken you wear red. It’s pretty hard to match red with brown boots so instead I painted my nails red and wore all black. As the club filled and everyone was getting their groove on, the people in green were flirting away and I decided to pop a few bottles of bubbly with my friends and other half only to realise what a bad idea wearing new suede boots to a club was. The first bottle spilt all over them (yes the stains are still there).

After the second bottle my foot and eye coordination wasn’t too brilliant and I scuffed them whilst attempting to walk up the stairs and after the third bottle, boy let’s just say I think everyone in the club must have been trying to play footsie with me, because I had a fair few trainer prints when I got home. I did have an amazing night though and have still failed to find a better place to be on a Friday night. It’s always nice to go to a club that ticks all the boxes. The staff and security are lovely, the music is absolutely on point, the decor is suave and they never run out of toilet roll. The last thing on that list may very well be the most important Hah! So I guess the moral of the story is, no matter how nice and new the boots are, save them for a fancy dinner and not the clubs!

Grace Clarke on the week’s best gigs

I

’ve decided to retire my umbrella and return to the Pack-A-Mac of my festival going youth. I’ve seen too many discarded brollies lately, lying rigid on pavements like the wings of dead crows. It’s starting to depress me. I say this because I implore you to do the same, don’t stay at home Us Baby Bear Bones because of a dryness dilemma, there’s far too much to miss.

Us Baby Bear Bones return to the cobbles of The Green Door Store tonight, a trio of dark and ethereal multi-instrumentalists, like an even dreamier Bat For Lashes. It’s £4 and you'll be treated to a pop up from Kollektiv Gallery and visuals from IRIE Pixel Visual. Support comes from the impossibly talented The Magic Gang, Vyppers and the raucous MOTH. If all that sounds a little too trendy for you – and being that I just used the word trendy, I probably fit into this category – you can always attempt to recapture your youth with raunchmongers The Orwells over at The Haunt for £7.

Rilo Kiley-esque, Texas based Football, etc. play Sticky Mike’s on Wednesday. They’re supported by Papermoons, whose heartbreakingly honest indie folk puts them somewhere in the realm of Clem Snide.

You’ll probably find me weeping in a corner.

Instrumental math band Polymath will be toying with time signatures and technical ability at Sticky Mike’s on Thursday. This is one for the purists, or those who want to punish themselves for not working harder towards their grade five theory exam.

Midlake are playing a sold out gig at St. George’s Church on the same night. If you ever get the chance to see a gig in a church you should take it. I’m always a bit moved by the connection between religion and music, hearing songs that helped you in a church makes you realise how important they are. On a less intense note the acoustics are always absolutely top notch. Take Friday and Saturday to process all of that.

Unless you’ve got a burning desire to spend £38.50 on The Overtones at Brighton Dome, and I’ll be honest, I haven’t.

The highlight of the week for me is Stanley Brinks and The Wave Pictures at The Prince Albert on Sunday. They've got a real knack for describing the everyday intelligently and eloquently, not a million miles away from Jeffrey Lewis. Support comes from the gorgeously Parisian, Freschard and her daydreamy folk.

For £8, you really cannot go wrong.

@BrightonNoise

@SadeAli

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026_LS667_stars-TV column_024_LS466_Sports/TV_Column 19/02/2014 13:12 Page 2

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STARS | TV

STARS With Val Aviv

★ARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

Partners might be charming but discretion is the better part of valour. Being that you’re currently open and plugged right into the mainline grid, metaphorically speaking, it won’t take much of a pulse to make your light shine brightly.

★TAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

Don’t be deceived by that cool approach of a dispassionate lover, it’s just an intellectual obstacle that has to be overcome.

If you want to make love not war, then you’re going to have to make love to your partners mind, access it directly by harnessing the great wealth of your inner wit.

★GEMINI {May 22–June 21}

At last all those pent up feelings can be expressed, not only are you going to be the belle of the ball, but a situation around your home is going to improve dramatically.

★CANCER {June 22–July 22}

Use this time wisely, it will only come once every twelve years.

Through a foreign influence you can begin to taste an exotic flavour of life, which propels you out into the world at large.

★LEO {July 23–Aug 22}

Don’t allow pride to prevent you from listening to what a partner’s heartfelt pleas are being communicated in a dispassionate way. It’s time to be objective and think carefully about how your actions are impacting others and decide if that is who you really are.

★VIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

Of course you want to upgrade your health regime but with your ruling planet being in Aquarius, don’t try anything too wacky, come back down to Earth, maybe a detox could be good for you.

★LIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

Silver-tongued chat up lines are all well and good, but you’ve got to really mean it, because people are going to take you at your word now. You do have access to an incredibly quick wit and an unusual sort of oracular and visionary intuition, use it wisely and the world is your oyster.

★SCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

Don’t get too intense, sometimes lucky breaks come in funny disguises. Be more open to the universe, there’s no need to be quite so secretive, however disturbing it might be for you, people can see how you feel – speak your truth and be damn the consequences.

★SAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

There’s a lesson to learn, not only about sex, but about how you share things generally. With others being so generous, you know you can rely on their good nature to get you out of a tight spot.

★CAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

Don’t be such a stick in the mud – take a chance, your life is dramatically changing, you can feel that. But it’s time now not only to empower yourself, but a lover or a friend by helping them to cut the deadwood out of their life. Those born at the end of Capricorn will be challenged.

★AQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

Maybe it’s time to be less detached about sexuality and take a leaf out of the Kama Sutra, ok, maybe you don’t want to be that extreme, but sensuality is going to play a much bigger part in your life this month. Give generously of yourself not just physically, but emotionally and intellectually as well.

★PISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

Maybe you want to be off with the fairies, but there’s definitely some pragmatic issues you need to address this week. Events far away from home demand commitment and if you want to consolidate your position with a group of highly educated or foreign thinkers, then now's the time.

Val Aviv is the presenter for Brighton Lights on Latest TV www.thelatest.tv For more astrological insights and monthly horoscopes visit www.valaviv.com or for a personal astrological reading contact Val Aviv at: astrology@valaviv.com

L7 TV Your weekly TV guide 825 FEBRUARY – 3 MARCH And it’s equally obvious when an interviewee is overly attentive. Stand up comics are great guests to have on as their default setting is ‘entertaining’, but as the first pocket they reach into to grab your attention is their magic book of honed material it With Victoria Nangle can end up with the interview feeling like something of a showcase.

My favourite kind of interview is the one where the asker of the questions clearly knows their stuff. They’ve done their research and know enough about their subject to be able to latch onto something that was not previously in the public arena. The buzzing sensation as news breaks is like a good natter. It’s hardly breaking news. I incredible. Richard Herring’s Leicester Square also like to view a good natter, watching Parkie Podcast proved this in remarkable fashion when a get stuck in with Billy Connolly on one of their seemingly innocent question (actually sourced many one-on-one interviews that have taken place from a schoolchild) asked of Stephen Fry – ‘What over the years. I thoroughly enjoy Jonathan Ross’ is it like to be Stephen Fry?’ – led to the cheeky banter, having a very fond memory of him sensational revelation that he had tried to take his dropping a particularly big own life earlier in the year. time Hollywood star who When the podcast was had his own salad dressing released it made front page “our idols quizzed is in it by challenging him to news. It’s not easy being construct the condiment Stephen Fry. because they have a from scratch. Chat shows So, as Mark Lawson takes are fun. Whether they’re the new film, book or yoga his focus this week on three high brow focus of The major players in the arts it’s Culture Show’s recent study position coming out” gratifying to be absolutely of Damon Albarn, or the certain that he knows his more informal friendly stuff. Yes, if there were any promo pieces that major revelations the BBC’s ultimately allow for such inner machinations would be bound to release memorable moments as them via their news arm first, but the head to Oliver Reed’s priceless head stuff will be involving and perfectly rendition of ‘Wild Thing’ on balanced to engage both the connoisseurs and Wogan, the business of the newbies passing through. interviews is easy to get on board A good interview is a joy to behold and a skill with. Especially with such variety. to be valued. Interviewers are the swans of The thing is, with one hand television, frantically paddling like washing the other so mad underneath the surface to frequently you might guide the conversation, think a certain Scottish remember their notes and Shakespearean play important pointers, and could be involved. It instill an intimacy, all the can be a little too while making it look apparent that the effortless. When it goes interview is simply a wrong it’s just as selling exercise on graceless as that same the part of the swan tripping over its interviewee. massive webbed feet Of course, we’ve and getting its neck always known that caught in the same the only reason we tangle. Just think of can see our idols any chat show that quizzed is because only lasted one series. they have a new Got one? See what I film, book or yoga mean. All hail the position coming question masters. out next week. Meg Especially those with a Ryan’s icy reception wicked side. of Michael Parkinson Mark Lawson Talks this time last year To Julian Barnes, attested to that, as Mark Lawson Talks To did Bruce Willis’ David Bailey, Mark Lawson practically silent Talks To Joanne Trollope, BBC4, presence on Coming Soon Magic 105.2 when interviewed – now a Follow me: latestvicky YouTube viral sensation.

Telly Talk

Question time

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Tuesday 25 Death In Paradise BBC1, 9pm Ever thought that the BBC just wanted to beat the weather blues and fly a whole cast and crew to the Caribbean to enjoy the wunder-climate? Nah, us neither.

DI Goodman and the team are cut off from the mainland when a storm comes in, and as the night draws in they find they are trapped in a house with a killer.

The Mentalist Channel Five, 9pm You always sort of knew that however it played out with Red John, Patrick Jane would end up well – even if it was by the skin of his teeth. It’s two years after the dramatic ending of the Red John case and the CBI has been wound down. Jane is on an island with no US extradition, but the FBI have tracked him down.

Hair BBC3, 9pm That dapper chap Steve Jones hosts this brand new competition showcasing young British amateur hairdressing skills. We say! Expect backcombing galore, more streaks than a 70s football match, and avante garde looks that’ll curl your toes and then spritz them. Innovation and experimentation in a bid to win.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Operation Hospital Food With James Martin 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Countryside 999 11.45 Caught Red Handed 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 James Martin: Home Comforts 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Against Alfie’s advice, Kat considers making a deal with the devil.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Holby City It is Jonny’s first day as the clinical nursing manager on Darwin. However, he is struggling to juggle all of his new duties. With Jac breathing down his neck, he is forced to assert his authority and use his new skills to help save the life of a vulnerable patient. Zosia, still reeling after the disastrous consequences of last week’s surgery, has a new-found bond with her father.

9.00 Death In Paradise See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Traffic Cops Documentary series. The cops now have a new way of collecting evidence: headcams. A call comes in for the team to join in the hunt for a black car involved in an armed robbery, so the cops take up the trail of surveillance.

11.35 Who Do You Think You Are? USA Actor Chris O’Donnell traces the ancestry of his late father, discovering a legacy of courage, patriotism and proud devotion to family.

12.20am Weatherview 12.25 News

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Countryside 999 7.50 Caught Red Handed 8.20 Helicopter Heroes 9.05 Great British Garden Revival 10.05 Great British Railway Journeys 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Instant Restaurant 1.45 Andrew Marr’s The Making Of Modern Britain 2.45 Cagney And Lacey 3.30 Bergerac 4.20 Are You Being Served?

4.50 ‘Allo ‘Allo!

5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 6.00 Revenge Of The Egghead 6.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys Michael Portillo retraces the journeys featured in George Bradshaw’s 1913 publication Continental Guide.

7.00 Permission Impossible Sounds a bit sinister.

8.00 The Great British Sewing Bee Claudia Winkleman welcomes the nine home sewers back to the sewing room to face three more challenges.

This episode tests their ability to match and combine patterned fabric.

First the judges, Savile Row’s Patrick Grant and sewing expert, May Martin surprise the sewers with a pattern for a pleated skirt.

9.00 The Necessary War Really?

Was it though?

10.00 QI Stephen Fry hosts the hilarious, mind-expanding quiz in which the aim is to be interesting.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 Horizon Topical issues.

12.20am The Super League Show 1.05 Sign Zone: Britain’s Great War 4.00 L8R Youngers 4.30 Ask Lara: Starstruck 4.45 Ask Lara: Disco 4.55 Lizard Girl 5.10 Found 5.25 What Makes Me, Me? And Other Interesting Questions (x5) 5.55 Alexander Vlahos Presents Refugee Boy

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.20am Countdown 7.05 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 7.10 Will And Grace 7.35 Will And Grace 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Frasier 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed (x5) 2.40 Countdown 3.30 Deal Or No Deal 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Superstar Dogs: Countdown To Crufts 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Lindsey fears the worst when Diane wants justice for Katy.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 8.00 Kirstie’s Best Of Both Worlds Kirstie Allsopp meets Belfast newlyweds Grace and Lindsay. This couple are a real challenge - Lindsay wants to live in a rural retreat, while Grace wants more of a city vibe.

9.00 The Taste Cookery competition hosted by Nigella Lawson, Ludo Lefebvre and Anthony Bourdain. This week is all about meat.

10.00 Strippers Documentary series.

An insight into strip club owners, dancers and customers in Scotland’s three largest cities – Glasgow, Edinburgh and Aberdeen.

11.05 8 Out Of 10 Cats Host Jimmy Carr and team captains Jon Richardson and Sean Lock are back for a new series of the topical comedy panel show.

11.50 Random Acts 11.55 Pokerstars.com EPT Barcelona 12.55am KOTV Boxing Weekly 1.20 Trans World Sport 2.20 Beach Volleyball FIVB 3.40 Garmin Arenacross 4.05 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 4.10 Terror In The Skies 5.05 SuperScrimpers 5.25 Secret Removers

6.00 – 7.10am Children’s television 7.10 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Police Interceptors 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Trauma Doctors 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.20 NCIS 3.15 The Shell Seekers 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away John reluctantly helps out with the music festival, but his concerns persist.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 The Dog Rescuers Documentary series following the work of RSPCA officers.

7.30 Police 5 Crime prevention series presented by Joe Crowley and Kate McIntyre. With Shaw Taylor.

8.00 Benidorm ER Documentary series. Retired post mistress Rita faces a life-or-death operation, Susan seeks pain relief from her kidney troubles so that she can continue celebrating and a young expat spends her birthday in the ER after coming a cropper on a wakeboard.

9.00 The Mentalist See highlights.

10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Police drama series.

Benson and Stabler need help from a friend when an investigation into the death of a teenage hit and run victim leads them to uncover to a vast people smuggling operation.

11.00 Body Of Proof US mystery series. An investigation into a house fire and double murder is hindered by a veteran arson investigator and his colleague.

11.55 CSI: Miami American drama.

12.55am SuperCasino 3.10 Henry And Anne: The Lovers Who Changed History 4.00 House Doctor 4.20 House Doctor 4.45 The Great Artists 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 Wildlife SOS

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football’s Greatest Teams: Manchester United 9.30 Football’s Greatest Teams: Arsenal 10.00 The Footballers’ Football Show 11.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00pm FL72 Review 1.00 TBA 4.45 LIVE Champions League 7.00 Revista De La Liga 8.00 Champions League 10.15 Revista De La Liga 11.15 Premier League Review 12.15am Champions League Weekly 1.15 Football’s Greatest International Teams 1.45 Football League Gold 2.00 Football Asia 2.30 Revista De La Liga 3.30 Premier League Review 4.30 TBA 5.30 Football Asia

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The stakes are high as Jai strikes a deal to get Archie back. Charity makes a plan to thwart Jai. Priya struggles through her first counselling session.

7.30 UEFA Champions League: Olympiakos V Manchester United United were impressive during the group stages as they topped their table and will be looking for a strong performance in Athens against Olympiakos in the first leg of this game in the last sixteen. The Greek team will be hard to beat - they are well clear at the top of their league. Adrian Chiles is joined by Roy Keane and Lee Dixon for live coverage from the Karaiskakis stadium, with commentary from Clive Tyldesley and Andy Townsend.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time Adrian Chiles presents highlights of Manchester United’s first-leg match against Olympiakos in the last sixteen.

11.35 Nicola Adams: Sports Life Stories The sports documentary series.

A look at the career of Nicola Adams who made history as the the first ever female gold medalist in boxing.

12.30am Jackpot247 3.00 Loose Women 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Football Gold 7.00 Football’s Greatest Team 8.00 FL72 Review 9.00 Netball Superleague 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Extreme Sports: Snow Unleashed 12.00pm Netball Superleague 2.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.00 The Footballers’ Football Show 4.00 Football Asia 4.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams 5.00 TBA 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams 7.00 Brian Lara Masterclass 8.00 TBA 9.00 Brian Lara Masterclass 10.00 Super League Backchat 10.30 TBA 11.30 Super League Backchat 12.00am Netball Superleague 2.00 TBA 3.00 Super League Backchat 3.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold 4.00 Netball Superleague

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Netball Superleague 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 Tennis 10.00 LIVE Tennis 2.00pm Tennis 3.00 LIVE Tennis 7.00 Tennis 8.00 Gary Newbon Interviews Sir Roger Bannister 9.00 Tennis 10.00 Poker – 100 Greatest Moments 11.00 Tennis 12.00am LIVE Tennis 2.00 Tennis 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 LIVE Tennis

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10.00am NCIS: LA (x4) 2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 The Simpsons 3.30 Futurama (x2) 4.30 The Simpsons (x2) 5.30 Modern Family (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Hawaii Five-0 9.00 Ross Kemp: Extreme World 10.00 The Smoke 11.00 NCIS: LA 12.00am A League Of Their Own (x2) 2.00 Hawaii Five-0

7.00pm Snog Marry Avoid?

7.30 Snog Marry Avoid?

8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 Hair. See highlights.

10.00 Pramface 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! 12.10am Hair 1.10 Pramface 1.40 Live At The Electric (x2) 2.40 Great Movie Mistakes V: Revenge Of The Fifth

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Reel History Of Britain 8.00 What Do Artists Do All Day? 8.30 Secrets Of Bones 9.00 Dissected: The Incredible Human Foot 10.00 The First World War (x2) 11.45 Decisive Weapons 12.15am The First World War From Above 1.15 Nature’s Microworlds

4.10pm The Real Housewives Of New Jersey 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 The Vampire Diaries 10.00 Celebrity Juice Special 10.50 FILM: 2 Fast 2 Furious (2003) 12.55am Two And A Half Men (x2)

12.35pm Heartbeat 1.40 Columbo: A Stitch In Crime 3.15 Murder, She Wrote 4.15 French Fields 4.50 Second Thoughts 5.20 The Upper Hand 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Midsomer Murders 10.00 The Children 11.00 Law & Order: UK 12.05am Life With Judy Garland – Me And My Shadows

3.00pm New Girl 3.30 The Mindy Project 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 FILM: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) 10.00 Troy 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am Rude Tube 2010

11.45am FILM: Bugles In The Afternoon (1952) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.45 The Restoration Man 6.50 Grand Designs (x2) 9.00 Selling Houses With Amanda Lamb 10.00 Grand Designs Australia 11.05 Shipping Wars (x2) 12.05am Father Ted (x2)

11.00am The Black Knight (1954) 12.45pm The Time Machine (1960) 2.50 The Big Blockade (1942) 4.25 They Who Dare (1953) 6.35 Stardust (2007) 9.00 Enemy At The Gates (2001) 11.35 Repo Men (2010) 1.45am Cold Weather (2010) 3.40 Close

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City Of...Business

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An informal, fun and popular networking event with the added bonus of delicious curries at the monthly Brighton Business Curry Club

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Wednesday 26 Outnumbered BBC1, 9pm The last series continues – my, how they’ve all grown. Mum and Dad still don’t know where their kids are, Jake is trying to find his way home without money or transport, and Ben is meeting lots of interesting strangers.

Meanwhile, Karen has a lifechanging conversation with her headmistress (left).

Inside No. 9 BBC2, 10pm The dark comedy with a top dollar casts continues, as Tamsin Greig and Steve Pemberton play parents to a very sick little girl.

She’s so sick that Wishmaker UK arrive to brighten up her birthday with a very special guest in the form of singer Frankie J Parsons.

Now, we just know this isn’t going to end sweetly, is it?

Parks And Recreation BBC4, 11pm It’s back! Lesley Knopes and her motley gang of less will-wishers returned a couple of weeks ago in a stealthy fashion, so it’s time to catch up with the merry crew.

The ins and outs of local politics can cause the usual confusion, and through it all Lesley does her best to make her Indiana town a better place. Bless her.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Operation Hospital Food With James Martin 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Countryside 999 11.45 Caught Red Handed 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 James Martin: Home Comforts 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Waterloo Road School-based drama. When indecent images are found on Darren Hughes’ phone, Christine decides it is time for a home visit and goes to see his mother. Dynasty is faced with a terrible dilemma when she uncovers the truth about Barry’s new job.

9.00 Outnumbered See highlights.

9.30 Mrs Brown’s Boys Comedy series about a loudmouthed Irish matriarch. Spartacus, the old family dog, is looking poorly. Reluctantly, the family decide the time has come to put her in a home. However, when the Brown children gather together to decide how to break the sad news to their mother, Agnes gets the wrong end of the stick.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 A Question Of Sport Light-hearted sports quiz, with Sue Barker asking the questions to regular team captains Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell.

11.05 Film 2014 Claudia Winkleman and Danny Leigh return for another episode of Film 2014.

11.35 Blandings Blandings.

12.05am Weatherview 12.10 News

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Countryside 999 7.45 Caught Red Handed 8.15 Helicopter Heroes 9.00 Nature’s Weirdest Events 10.00 An Island Parish 10.30 See Hear 11.00 BBC News 11.30 Daily Politics 1.00pm Instant Restaurant 1.45 Andrew Marr’s The Making Of Modern Britain 2.45 Cagney And Lacey 3.30 Bergerac 4.20 Are You Being Served?

4.50 ‘Allo ‘Allo!

5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 6.00 Revenge Of The Egghead 6.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys Michael Portillo retraces the journeys featured in George Bradshaw’s 1913 publication Continental Guide.

7.00 Permission Impossible 8.00 The Restaurant Man Restaurateur Russell Norman helps struggling newcomers to the trade find their feet. Coventry mother of ten Nahida is used to cooking for big numbers, so she’s decided that opening a restaurant offering the same tasty Asian fusion food she cooks at home will allow her to make money from what she does best.

9.00 Line Of Duty Police drama series. Lindsay is denied bail and finds herself targeted in prison.

Growing increasingly desperate, she tells Kate about a relationship with an executive police officer and her theory of why she is being framed.

10.00 Inside No 9 See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman.

11.20 The Necessary War 12.20am Sign Zone: See Hear 12.50 Sign Zone: Children’s Emergency Rescue 4.00 Save Your Energy 4.30 Megabits 5.00 Labrinth’s Speak Out 5.55 Wonders Of Nature: Damselfly – Danger/Safety

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.20am Countdown 7.05 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 7.10 Will And Grace 7.35 Will And Grace 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Frasier 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed (x5) 2.40 Countdown 3.30 Deal Or No Deal 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Superstar Dogs: Countdown To Crufts 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks John Paul hits an all-time low.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 8.00 The Restoration Man George Clarke travels the British Isles meeting people who want to restore architectural treasures.

George pays a return visit to Dave and Margaret Hedley, who had been restoring an old, abandoned watermill in Northumberland.

9.00 24 Hours In A&E Documentary series following patients at the A&E department of King’s College Hospital over a 24-hour period. Seventy-eightyear-old Kevin is rushed in after suffering a cardiac arrest while exercising at the gym.

10.00 First Dates Dating series in which singletons look for love in a restaurant full of other diners who are hoping to start a relationship.

11.00 Bodyshockers: My Big Boob Hell Katie Piper talks to people who are hoping to reverse body modifications they now regret.

12.00am Random Acts 12.05 FILM: Beginners (2010) 1.50 FILM: The Well (1951) 3.20 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 3.25 Supernanny US 4.05 Location, Location, Location 5.00 Baking Mad With Eric Lanlard 5.25 Deal Or No Deal

6.00 – 7.10am Children’s television 7.10 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Police Interceptors 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 The Gadget Show 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.20 NCIS 3.15 The Shell Seekers 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Ms Montgomery grovels to Bianca and Heath in a bid to get her job back.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 Trauma Doctors Observational documentary series.

8.00 The Thriller Killers: Born To Kill? Documentary series. In 1984, Wesley Shermantine and Loren Herzog embarked upon a drug-fuelled killing spree that would span 15 years, dumping their victims in the remote rural Californian countryside.

This asks the answererable: why?

9.00 NCIS American crime drama.

The NCIS team investigate a helicopter crash on shore and have to locate the missing pilot. Meawhile, Ziva issues a dare to Tony and McGee. 10.00 Suspects Fly-on-the-wall-style crime drama series focusing on the work of three London detectives. The hunt for a serial rapist is complicated when his latest victim is wife of a senior police officer.

11.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Police drama series.

A girl goes missing when an online game gets out of hand.

11.55 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Police drama series.

12.50am SuperCasino 3.10 My Face Is Eating Me Alive: Extraordinary People 4.00 House Doctor 4.20 House Doctor 4.45 The Great Artists 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 Wildlife SOS

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 TBA 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Football Gold 11.15 Football Gold 11.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams 12.00pm TBA 4.00 Revista De La Liga 5.00 TBA 6.00 Football’s Greatest Teams: Real Madrid (1954-1966) 6.30 Football’s Greatest Teams: Chelsea 7.00 LIVE UEFA Champions League 10.15 What’s The Story? 11.15 Football Gold 11.30 Football Gold 11.45 Football League Gold 12.00am TBA 1.00 What’s The Story? 2.00 Football League Gold 2.15 Football League Gold 2.30 Football Gold 2.45 Football League Gold 3.00 TBA 4.00 What’s The Story? 5.00 Close

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Charity is determined to find Rachel before Jai. 7.30 Coronation Street Reckless Gary sees red. Dev is forced into a dilemma. Todd accuses Marcus of living a lie.

8.00 FA Cup Replay Live coverage of an FA Cup fifth-round replay as the teams meet again to decide who will take their place in the last eight of the competition.

10.20 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.55 FA Cup Replay Highlights Matt Smith presents action from this week’s fifth-round FA Cup replays.

11.55 The Jonathan Ross Show Jonathan Ross talks with more big names from the world of showbiz.

12.50am Jackpot247 3.00 Columbo: Lovely But Lethal 4.15 ITV Nightscreen . 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show ***Alternative Schedule*** 8.00 Midsomer Murders Featurelength drama about a detective whose patch is a seemingly idyllic rural district.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The Jonathan Ross Show Jonathan Ross talks with more big names from the world of showbiz.

11.35 Corfu: A Tale Of Two Islands Documentary series.

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Revista De La Liga 7.00 Football Asia 7.30 Ashes Modern Day Classics 7.55 LIVE Cricket 12.00pm Live Cricket 4.00 Brian Lara Masterclass 6.00 Ashes Modern Day Classics 6.30 Total Rugby 7.00 Saturday Story 8.00 Cycling: Tour Of Oman 9.00 Saturday Story 9.30 Saturday Story 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Cycling: Tour Of Oman 12.00am Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold 1.30 Total Rugby 2.00 Cycling: Tour Of Oman 3.00 Boots ‘n’ All 4.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold 4.30 Total Rugby 5.00 Cycling: Tour Of Oman

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Football Gold 7.00 TBA 8.00 Sports Unlimited 9.00 Tennis 10.00 LIVE Tennis 2.00pm Tennis 3.00 LIVE Tennis 7.00 World Pool Masters 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Tennis 10.00 Football Gold 10.15 Football Gold 11.00 World Pool Masters 12.00am LIVE Tennis 2.00 Tennis 3.00 World Pool Masters 4.00 Live Tennis

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9.00am Futurama (x2) 10.00 NCIS: LA (x4) 2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 The Simpsons 3.30 Futurama (x2) 4.30 The Simpsons (x2) 5.30 Modern Family (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 LIVE UEFA Champions League 10.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo 11.00 FILM: Volcano (1997) 1.05am A League Of Their Own (x2)

7.00pm Total Wipeout 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 Festivals, Sex And Suspicious Parents 10.00 Ja’mie: Private School Girl 10.30 Bad Education 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! 12.05am Festivals, Sex And Suspicious Parents 1.05 Ja’mie: Private School Girl 1.30 Pramface 2.00 Hair

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Reel History Of Britain 8.00 The Horizon Guide To Pandemic 9.00 The Fantastical World Of Hormones With Professor John Wass 10.00 Amazon Abyss 11.00 Parks And Recreation (x2) See highlights 11.40 Wild China 12.40am Lost Kingdoms Of South America

4.10pm Real Housewives Of New Jersey 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Party Wright Around The World 10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.50 The Big Reunion 2014 11.50 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.50am Fake Reaction

12.20pm Heartbeat 1.20 Columbo: Etude In Black 3.20 Murder, She Wrote 4.20 French Fields 4.55 Second Thoughts 5.25 The Upper Hand 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Lewis 8.00 FILM: Circle Of Friends (1995) 10.00 The Children 11.00 Law & Order: UK 12.00am Trial And Retribution

3.30pm The Mindy Project 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 8.30 The Big Bang Theory 9.00 The Tomorrow People 10.00 Rude Tube 2010 11.00 My Mad Fat Diary 12.00am The Midnight Beast

11.25am FILM: Pony Express (1953) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.45 The Restoration Man 6.50 Grand Designs (x2) 9.00 Location, Location, Location 10.00 Embarrassing Bodies Down Under 11.05 Embarrassing Fat Bodies 12.05am The Good Wife

11.00am Battle Cry (1955) 1.50pm The Big Trees (1952) 3.35 Comanche Station (1960) 5.05 Carry On Up The Khyber (1968) 6.50 Rat Race (2001) 9.00 Road To Perdition (2002) 11.15 The Company Men (2010) 1.20am 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 3.40 Close

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Thursday 27 Henry And Anne: The Lovers Who Changed History Channel Five, 8pm The second and concluding part of this lavish documentary in which historian Dr Suzannah Lipscomb digs deeper into the sensational story of the love affair between Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn. Looking at their three-year marriage and its conclusion – Anne’s beheading.

The Storms That Stole Christmas Channel 4, 9pm If social media was anything to go by, many of you didn’t end up spending Christmas in the homes you expected to be in due to all the travel disruptions and downright fails from the weather over Christmas. Plus the 50,000 homes without power. This programme asks how it occurred.

The Midnight Beast E4, 10pm Yes, he (left) does look like Nick Helm but this is one comedy youth show with musical aspects that doesn’t involve the shouty one. This lovely gang of pottymouthed miscreants are thrilled to be settling into their jobs at the bingo hall only to find that the hall is under threat. They must find the rent. Clearly at a pub quiz.

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Operation Hospital Food With James Martin 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Countryside 999 11.45 Caught Red Handed 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 James Martin: Home Comforts 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Alfie is put in a difficult position when a phone call is overheard; will he reveal all?

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 Pound Shop Wars Documentary series following the competition between pound shop chains. Chris fights to win customers who would not normally visit a pound shop – the middle classes.

8.30 Inspector George Gently Detective drama set in 1969. The mysterious death of a union leader in the mine at Burnsend leads Gently and Bacchus to explore the tensions and relationships in the once-thriving colliery town, whose pit is under threat from the coal board. Gently and Bacchus encounter families driven by politics and caught in grudges that date back to the Second World War. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby presents the topical debate from Newport in Wales, with a panel of prominent public figures.

11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil, with Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott.

12.20am Skiing Weatherview 12.25 BBC News

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Countryside 999 7.50 Caught Red Handed 8.20 Helicopter Heroes 9.05 Italy Unpacked 10.05 An Island Parish 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Instant Restaurant 1.45 Andrew Marr’s The Making Of Modern Britain 2.45 Cagney And Lacey 3.30 Bergerac 4.20 Are You Being Served?

4.50 ‘Allo ‘Allo!

5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 6.00 Revenge Of The Egghead 6.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys Michael Portillo retraces the journeys featured in George Bradshaw’s 1913 Continental Guide.

7.00 Permission Impossible 8.00 The Hairy Bikers’ Asian Adventure Cookery series in which the Hairy Bikers tour the birthplaces of favourite Asian cuisines.

9.00 Jumbo: The Plane That Changed The World Not a kids’ cartoon about an elephant, but actually a documentary about a certain massive plane. Just so that you’re clear.

10.00 Mock The Week Looks Back At... Education Featuring classic archive material from past Mock the Weeks on a single subject.

This time the subject is education with contributions from Frankie Boyle, Russell Howard, Greg Davies, Micky Flanagan, Milton Jones, David Mitchell and Sandi Toksvig.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Restaurant Man Restauraeur Russel Norman helps struggling newcomers to the trade find their feet.

12.20am Sign Zone: Kidnapped: Betrayed By Britain? – Panorama 12.50 Sign Zone: The Coffee Trail With Simon Reeve 4.00 Your Body: Your Image (x4) 4.30 Body Matters 5.00 Human Planet: Change And Sustainability KS3

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.20am Countdown 7.05 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 7.10 Will And Grace 7.35 Will And Grace 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Frasier 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed (x5) 2.40 Countdown 3.30 Deal Or No Deal 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Superstar Dogs: Countdown To Crufts 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Will Maxine speak up about her abuse?

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 8.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny The series encouraging healthier eating habits. Michael, 35 stone, swaps meals with Superskinny air steward Sam who weighs eight and a half stone.

9.00 The Storms That Stole Christmas See highlights.

10.00 The Repo Man Documentary looking at the work of repo man Sean James, who travels the length of the UK attempting to repossess items which have been bought on credit by the struggling British public. When they can no longer afford the huge repayments, Sean recovers the items for finance companies.

11.05 24 Hours In A&E Documentary series following patients at the A&E department of King’s College Hospital over a 24-hour period.

12.10am One Born Every Minute 1.05 Random Acts 1.10 First Dates 2.05 Scandimania 3.00 Food Unwrapped 3.30 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 3.35 Location, Location, Location 4.30 Secrets Of Your Credit Rating: Channel 4 Dispatches 5.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.55 Baking Mad With Eric Lanlard

6.00 – 7.10am Children’s television 7.10 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Police Interceptors 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ben Fogle: New Lives In The Wild 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.20 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Hunger Point (2003) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Bent on revenge, Ms Montgomery purchases a bomb and plants the explosive device in Bianca’s laptop bag.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 Royal Funerals: The Inside Story Documenting the spectacle of Elizabeth I’s funeral in 1603, through to Queen Victoria’s meticulously planned funeral, and more.

8.00 Henry And Anne: The Lovers Who Changed History See highlights.

9.00 The Hotel Inspector John, a Minister of the interdenominational Universal Church of Life, and his Algerian boyfriend Bachir have poured all their savings into Alexandra hotel in the Welsh town of Llandudno. They need a spot of help.

10.00 Brain Hospital: Saving Lives Documentary series following the pioneering work of neurosurgeons and their patients at the Walton Centre in Liverpool.

11.00 The Incredible Hulk Woman: Extraordinary People Documentary.

This programme follows a mum of three who has one of the rarest conditions in the world – stiff person syndrome. Real thing, people.

11.55 Access A daily round-up of showbiz news and gossip.

12.00am SuperCasino 3.05 Big, Bigger, Biggest 4.00 House Doctor 4.20 House Doctor 4.45 The Great Artists 5.10 Wildlife SOS (x2)

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 TBA 10.00 What’s The Story?

11.00 Racing News 11.30 Sporting Greats 12.00pm TBA 1.00 What’s The Story? 2.00 Sporting Greats 2.30 LIVE Dubai International Racing Carnival 6.00 Barclays Premier League World 6.30 FL72 Preview 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 FL72 Preview 11.00 Ringside 12.00am Barclays Premier League World 12.30 Super League 1.30 Darts: Premier League 5.00 Ringside

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.15 ITV News; Weather 6.45 Emmerdale Jai is worried he may have been conned. Ruby has a surprise encounter with a figure from her past.

7.45 UEFA Europa League: Tottenham Hotspur V FC Dnipro Matt Smith is joined by Gordon Strachan for live Europa League second-leg action as Tottenham Hotspur entertain Ukrainian side FC Dnipro at White Hart Lane. New man at the helm Tim Sherwood will be looking to continue his strong start with a place in the last sixteen. With commentary from Sam Matterface and Andy Townsend.

10.10 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.45 Edge Of Heaven Brand new six-part comedy drama series set in a Margate guesthouse, featuring feisty Judy Taylor-Chatterjee, her husband and chef Tandeep and Judy’s grownup children - sofa salesman Alfie and his ex-soldier sister Ann-Marie. In the first episode, it is Alfie’s wedding day and he is in for a shocking surprise at the altar. It turns out that his fiancee Carly has had second thoughts, brought on by a randy encounter on her hen night.

11.45 The Cube Phillip Schofield presents the tense game show.

12.40am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Sky Sports 2 7.00am What’s The Story? 8.00 Cycling: Tour Of Oman 9.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold 9.15 Super League: Grand Final Gold 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Watersports World 11.00 Boots ‘n’ All 12.00pm World Pool Masters 1.00 Watersports World 2.00 UEFA Champions League 3.00 Boots ‘n’ All 4.00 TBA 5.00 FL72 Preview 6.00 Ringside 7.00 LIVE Premier League Darts 10.30 WWE: Late Night Raw 12.30am WWE NXT 1.30 FL72 Preview 2.30 Super League 3.30 Barclays Premier League World 4.00 Rugby Club 5.00 Super League

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Football Gold 6.15 Football Gold 6.30 Football Gold 6.45 Football Gold 7.00 Boots ‘n’ All 8.00 Watersports World 9.00 Tennis 10.00 WWE Vintage 11.00 LIVE Tennis 7.00pm Football Gold 7.15 Football Gold 7.30 Barclays Premier League World 8.00 Rugby Club 9.00 Ringside 10.00 LIVE Tennis 5.00am ATP Tour Uncovered 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

Victoria Nangle

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10.00am NCIS: LA (x4) 1.00 NCIS: LA 2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 The Simpsons 3.30 Futurama (x2) 4.30 The Simpsons (x2) 5.30 Modern Family (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Arrow 9.00 The Smoke 10.00 Ross Kemp: Extreme World 11.00 A League Of Their Own (x2) 1.00am Hawaii Five-0 2.00 Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 8.00 Hair 9.00 Junior Paramedics 10.00 Bluestone 42 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30 Bluestone 42 1.00 Junior Paramedics 2.00 Live At The Electric (x2) 3.00 Junior Paramedics

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Top Of The Pops: 1979 8.00 Ever Decreasing Circles 8.30 Brushing Up On...

9.00 The Brits Who Built The Modern World 10.00 Storyville: Soccer Coach Zoran And His African Tigers 11.15 Dissected: The Incredible Human Foot 12.15am The Life Of Rock With Brian Pern

4.10pm The Real Housewives Of New Jersey 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 The Big Reunion 2014 10.00 Fake Reaction 10.50 Mom 11.20 Dads 11.45 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.45am The Only Way Is Essex

11.30am The Casebook Of Sherlock Holmes 12.45pm Heartbeat 1.45 Columbo 3.20 Murder, She Wrote 4.25 French Fields 4.55 Second Thoughts 5.25 The Upper Hand 6.00 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Lewis 10.00 Wire In The Blood 11.35 Law & Order: UK 12.35am FILM: The Likely Lads (1976)

6.00pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory 8.30 How I Met Your Mother 9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 9.30 The Inbetweeners 10.00 The Midnight Beast. See highlights. 10.30 The IT Crowd 11.00 Rude Tube 12.05am Troy

11.05am FILM: Battle Of The River Plate (1956) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.45 The Restoration Man 6.50 Grand Designs (x2) 9.00 The Good Wife 10.00 Nashville 11.00 Southland 11.55 Embarrassing Bodies 1.00am Grand Designs

11.00am Throne Of Blood (1957) 1.15pm They Might Be Giants (1971) 3.00 They Rode West (1954) 4.45 Please Sir! (1971) 6.50 The Golden Compass (2007) 9.00 Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) 11.40 Harsh Times (2005) 1.55am Trees Lounge (1996) 3.50 Close

Every night is a Saturday night in Brighton ALL your listings at thelatest.co.uk/listings

thelatest.co.uk/listings

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Friday 28 Jonathan Creek BBC1, 9pm He’s back! And so is that duffle coat! And the drama’s gone all meta. A classic locked-room novel has been turned into a West End musical, the star of which falls victim to a brand new ‘impossible crime’ herself. Lawks! time to put on that thinking cap, get harangued by a clever lady side-kick and solve the mystery.

NCIS: LA Channel Five, 10pm There’s a warm glow when people like Chris O’Donnell and LL Cool J turn up in something like this, especially when they take centre stage as partners in the Los Angeles office of NCIS. Are there many boats in LA that don’t belong to rappers?

Probably. Series one, episode one and it’s a kidnapping.

Duck Quacks Don’t Echo Sky1, 10pm Lee Mack hosts the panel show test-running the world’s most remarkable facts. With his own inimitable comments thrown in.

Being startled by the startling facts this week are Miranda Hart, Stephen Graham and Richard Ayode, discussing pigeons and breath-based gender tests. Don’t try this at home, kids.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Operation Hospital Food With James Martin 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Countryside 999 11.45 Caught Red Handed 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 James Martin: Home Comforts 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Light-hearted sports quiz, with Sue Barker asking the questions to regular team captains Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell.

8.00 EastEnders Whilst helping a friend, Tina is forced to take an urgent trip to the hospital, where she finds an unlikely friend in Sonia. Alfie and Kat are fearful when they think their secret is out. Patrick and Cora’s friendship deepens when they come to a mutually beneficial agreement.

8.30 Room 101 Frank Skinner hosts as three celebrities battle to banish their top peeve or worst nightmare to the depths of Room 101. With guests Adam Hills, Gyles Brandreth and Melanie C. 9.00 Jonathan Creek See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show Expect the unexpected as top celebrity guests join in the fun with Graham and his irrepressible audience.

11.25 Pound Shop Wars Documentary following the rapid expansion of two family-run pound shop chains.

11.55 EastEnders 1.50am Weatherview 1.55 News

6.10am Homes Under The Hammer 7.10 Countryside 999 7.55 Caught Red Handed 8.25 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds 9.10 The Great Interior Design Challenge 10.10 Travel Show 10.35 Travel Show 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Instant Restaurant 1.45 Andrew Marr’s The Making Of Modern Britain 2.45 Cagney And Lacey 3.30 Bergerac 4.20 Are You Being Served?

4.50 ‘Allo ‘Allo!

5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 Revenge Of The Egghead 6.30 Great Continental Railway Journeys Michael Portillo retraces the journeys featured in George Bradshaw’s 1913 publication Continental Guide.

7.00 Permission Impossible 8.00 Mastermind Four contestants are interrogated on a chosen subject, plus a general knowledge round, in the famous black chair, to compete for the grand title of Mastermind.

8.30 Coming Home Journalist and Mastermind host John Humphrys traces his family tree. John is joined by his brother Graham to learn about the shipwreck that changed the course of their family history and of their great grandmother’s childhood in an orphanage.

9.00 The Pity Of War Documentary.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.05 FILM: One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest (1975) Starring Jack Nicholson, Louise Fletcher, William Redfield. Milos Forman’s Oscarwinning adaptation of Ken Kesey’s novel. McMurphy is a two-bit crook who, facing a jail sentence, feigns insanity to be sentenced to a cushy mental hospital. But his plan backfires when the hospital turns out to be anything but cushy.

1.15am Sign Zone: Question Time 2.15 Sign Zone: Hidden Kingdoms

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Gemma and Belle’s argument leads to unexpected consequences.

7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Student Nurses: Bedpans And Bandages An observational series which follows student nurses at different stages of their training. In this episode, Aimee reacts to an emergency admission, nursing new boy Alistair struggles with the basics, and mature student Dany gets a crash course in modern day nursing.

8.30 Coronation Street 9.00 Edge Of Heaven Comedy drama series set in a Margate guesthouse, featuring feisty Judy Taylor-Chatterjee, her husband and chef Tandeep and Judy’s grown-up children. After ditching Alfie at the altar, blonde bombshell Carly is back from her husband-free honeymoon with a brand new beau in tow.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The Americans Cold War drama series about two KGB agents who pose as Americans. In the aftermath of Amador’s murder, Gregory finds himself with limited options.

11.35 The Chase Quiz show hosted

by Bradley Walsh.

12.30am Jackpot247 3.00 FILM: Hearts In Atlantis (2001) 4.40 ITV Nightscreen

6.20am Countdown 7.05 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 7.10 Will And Grace 7.35 Will And Grace 8.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.30 Frasier 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Frasier 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed (x5) 2.40 Countdown 3.30 Deal Or No Deal 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Superstar Dogs: Countdown To Crufts 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 8.00 Grand Designs Property series.

After an unsuccessful search of London for a family home, Ben and Rachel Hammond decide to transform an unremarkable 1950s house into an architectural masterpiece.

9.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown Jimmy Carr hosts the famous words and numbers quiz with team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson. They are joined by guests Kevin Bridges and James Corden.

10.00 The Last Leg Adam Hills, Josh Widdicombe and Alex Brooker present the comedy show looking back at the past seven days.

10.50 Jimmy Carr: Making People Laugh Award-winning comedian Jimmy Carr’s latest show.

11.55 Brooklyn Nine-Nine US police sitcom.

12.20am FILM: Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan (2006) 1.45 Random Acts 1.50 The Simpsons 2.10 The Simpsons 2.35 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 2.40 Happy Endings 3.00 Happy Endings 3.25 Franklin & Bash 4.05 Location, Location, Location 5.00 SuperScrimpers 5.15 Deal Or No Deal

6.00 – 6.55am Children’s television 6.55 Milkshake! Monkey 7.00 Little Princess 7.10 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Police Interceptors 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Benidorm ER 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.20 NCIS 3.20 FILM: Black Friday (2007) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away A lonely Brax prepares to be transferred to another prison.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 The Gadget Show Presenter Ortis Deley returns to join in the fun in this action-packed new series alongside Rachel Riley, Jon Bentley and Jason Bradbury. In this episode, Ortis, Rachel and Jason reveal why the desktop PC has gone the way of the dodo.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers Documentary series. News of a tragic wreck forces leader Jack to drastically alter his plans. Alex races the storm to reach Yukon, but can he make it back before the road closes?

9.00 Booze, Bust-Ups & Brothels Documentary fly-on-the-wall series looking at life on one of the busiest beats of Central London’s cops and ambulance services. Police are called to rescue a man who has fallen 60 feet and try to get some pickpockets and shoplifters off the streets.

10.00 NCIS: LA See highlights.

11.00 CSI: NY US crime drama series. A murder on Brooklyn Bridge leads Mac and Jo to San Francisco to find a missing teenage girl.

11.55 Access A daily round-up of showbiz news and gossip.

12.00am SuperCasino 3.10 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away! 4.00 House Doctor 4.20 House Doctor 4.45 The Great Artists 5.10 Wildlife SOS (x2)

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ringside 10.00 FL72 Preview 11.00 Football Gold 11.15 Football Gold 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00pm Darts: Premier League 3.30 FL72 Preview 4.30 Ringside 5.30 Football’s Greatest 6.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 6.30 Fantasy Football Club 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 Super League 12.00am Super League 1.00 Fantasy Football Club 2.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 2.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 TBA 4.00 Fantasy Football Club 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly

Sky Sports 2 6.00am ATP Tour Uncovered 6.30 Super Rugby 8.30 Super Rugby 10.30 TBA 11.00 WWE: Raw 1.00pm LIVE International Cricket 6.00 LIVE International Cricket 10.00 Fantasy Football Club 11.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 12.00am International Cricket 1.00 WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 Super Rugby 4.00 Super Rugby

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Football Gold 6.15 Football Gold 6.30 Football Gold 6.45 Football League Gold 7.00 WWE: Raw 9.00 Tennis 10.00 Super League 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Extreme Sports: Snow Unleashed 12.00pm Tennis 1.00 LIVE Tennis 6.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold 6.15 Super League: Grand Final Gold 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 LIVE Netball: Super League 9.30 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 11.30 Sporting Greats 12.00am Live Tennis 2.30 Tight Lines 3.30 Sporting Greats 4.00 LIVE Tennis

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2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 The Simpsons 3.30 Futurama (x2) 4.30 The Simpsons (x2) 5.30 Modern Family (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x4) 8.30 Modern Family 9.00 Stella 10.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo. See highlights.

11.00 Moone Boy 11.30 A League Of Their Own (x2) 1.30am Hawaii Five-0

7.00pm Doctor Who: The Ultimate Guide 7.10 Doctor Who (x2) 9.00 FILM: Little Fockers (2010) 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 American Dad! (x2) 12.35am Pramface 1.05 Ja’mie: Private School Girl 1.30 Impractical Jokers 2.00 Festivals, Sex And Suspicious Parents 3.00 Pramface 3.30 Bluestone 42

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Elgar: The Man Behind The Mask 9.00 Hello Quo 10.20 TOTP2: Status Quo 11.05 Classic Albums 12.00am Guitar Heroes At The BBC 1.00 Hello Quo 2.20 TOTP2: Status Quo 3.05 Sounds Of The 70s 2

2.00pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 4.10 The Real Housewives Of New Jersey 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 FILM: Practical Magic (1998) 11.10 Take Me Out 12.45am Two And A Half Men (x2) 1.35 Dads 1.55 Mom

1.40pm Columbo 3.20 Murder, She Wrote 4.20 French Fields 4.50 Second Thoughts 5.20 The Upper Hand 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Caroline Quentin’s National Parks 10.00 Scott & Bailey 11.00 Law & Order: UK 12.05am FILM: Dead Calm (1989)

2.00pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 3.00 New Girl 3.30 The Mindy Project 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 8.30 The Big Bang Theory 9.00 FILM: Airplane! (1980) 11.00 Troy 12.00am Rude Tube

11.15am FILM: Planet Of The Apes (1968) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.45 The Restoration Man 6.50 Grand Designs 7.55 Come Dine With Me 9.00 FILM: A Time To Kill (1996) 11.55 Embarrassing Bodies 1.00am Come Dine With Me 2.05 Southland

11.00am Kidnapped (1971) 1.05pm The Moonraker (1958) 2.45 The Admirable Crichton (1957) 4.35 Winning (1969) 7.10 Down To You (2000) 9.00 Unknown (2011) 11.15 Idiocracy (2006) 12.55am Ghost Dog: The Way Of The Samurai (1999) 3.25 Close

“There was a great gig last night.”

“No, it was rubbish!” The verdict’s out at

thelatest.co.uk/reviews

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Saturday 1 The Voice UK BBC1, 7pm Battles commence! Sounds like something out of Gladiators, but this is time for a face-to-face sing-off. Yeah Baby! Superstar coaches Kylie Minogue, will.i.am, Sir Tom Jones and Ricky Wilson are joined by their battle advisors. These are pop stars and industry executives, but who doesn’t really want Russell Crow?

Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle BBC2, 10pm The man who started the comedy meta revolution (quite possibly) returns after a three year absence from the Beeb with a brand new series, tackling six new subjects in his own unique style of stand up. Hurrah! Tonight, Our Stew considers alterations to road signs along the A1.

FILM: 28 Days Later Film4, 11.05pm Feeling a little bit zombie? Go on... you know you want to. This British post-apocalypse undead film that morphs into so much more kickstarted the series and brought its stars Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Christopher Eccleston and Brendan Gleeson to the closer attention of Hollywood. Barricade yourself in.

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6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 James Martin: Home Comforts 12.00pm Football Focus 12.45 Saturday Sportsday 1.00 BBC News 1.10 South East Today 1.15 Cycling: World Track Championships 2.45 Bargain Hunt 3.30 Escape To The Country 4.00 Final Score 5.10 Reflex 5.55 BBC News

6.15am FILM: Jules Verne’s Rocket To The Moon (1967) 8.10 Life On Earth 9.05 Life On Earth 10.00 Andrew Marr’s The Making Of Modern Britain 11.00 Fred Dibnah’s Made In Britain 11.30 Great British Railway Journeys 12.00pm James Martin: Home Comforts 12.30 Talking Pictures 1.10 FILM: The Lady Vanishes (1938) 2.45 Final Score 4.00 Coast 4.15 Natural World: The Real Jungle Book Bear 5.15 Restoration Home - One Year On 6.15 Flog It! 7.15 Dad’s Army Wartime sitcom.

The ingenuity of Mainwaring’s men is put to the test.

7.45 The Perfect Morecambe & Wise A collection of the very best sketches, songs and comedy routines from the much-loved Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise.

8.15 Darcey’s Ballerina Heroines Documentary. Prima ballerina Darcey Bussell explores the evolution of the ballerina. Journeying from 18thcentury France to 1950s America, she examines the challenges that her predecessors encountered, discovers the women who broke the rules, and reveals what it takes to become one of the greats.

9.15 QI XL Stephen Fry asks for ‘quite interesting’ facts about places which start with the letter J. With Susan Calman, Sandi Toksvig, Bill Bailey and Alan Davies.

10.00 Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle See highlights.

10.30 FILM: The Producers (2005) Starring Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick, Uma Thurman, Will Ferrell.

Remake of the Mel Brooks classic in which a crooked Broadway producer co-opts a timid accountant into mounting a play that is certain to flop, intending to sell out and escape to Rio. 12.35am FILM: Lady Caroline Lamb (1973)

6.00 – 7.10am Children’s television 7.10 Om Nom Stories 7.15 Om Nom Stories 7.20 Sooty 7.30 Scrambled!

7.35 Almost Naked Animals 7.50 Adventure Time 8.30 Horrid Henry 8.50 The Aquabats! Super Show!

9.25 Dinner Date 10.20 Murder, She Wrote 11.15 ITV News & Weather 11.25 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 11.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 12.45pm The Unforgettable Frankie Howerd 1.15 Midsomer Murders 3.15 FILM: Tea With Mussolini (1999) 5.35 ITV News Meridian 5.45 ITV News & Weather 6.00 You’ve Been Framed! Best Of The Best Classic comedy clips alongside some of Harry Hill’s most surreal comments.

7.00 Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway This week, Geordie funny lady Sarah Millican will be lending her distinctive tones as the show’s guest announcer, Little Ant and Dec rub shoulders with more A-list chums, another lucky person from the studio audience has the chance to win the contents of one of ITV’s commercial breaks in Win the Ads. 8.20 The Cube Phillip Schofield presents the launch of the eighth series of the game show, inviting more contestants to see if they have what it takes to win £250,000.

9.20 The Jonathan Ross Show Jonathan Ross welcomes supermodel Claudia Schiffer, comedian Dara O Briain, actress Kristin Davis, and rapper and film star Ice Cube. There is music from Rufus Wainwright.

10.20 ITV News; Weather 10.35 FILM: Fast & Furious (2009) Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, Michelle Rodriguez. Fourth film in the wheelsquealing action series. Notorious highway hijacker Dominic Toretto and his former friend and FBI agent Brian O’Conner return to the streets where it all began.

12.35am Jackpot247 3.00 In Plain Sight 3.45 ITV Nightscreen

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 Mobil 1 The Grid 7.00 Trans World Sport 7.55 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.00 Frasier 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 How I Met Your Mother 12.00pm How I Met Your Mother 12.30 The Simpsons 1.00 The Simpsons 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 4.10 Come Dine With Me 4.40 Come Dine With Me 5.10 Come Dine With Me 5.40 Come Dine With Me 6.10 Come Dine With Me Reality series in which people compete to be the best dinner-party host.

6.40 Channel 4 News 7.05 The Restoration Man George Clarke travels the British Isles meeting people hoping to restore architectural treasures.

8.00 The Storms That Stole Christmas Documentary about the severe weather conditions in the UK which began just before Christmas in 2013.

9.00 Hostages US drama series.

Ellen must choose whether to save Duncan’s life, and decides to track down his wife Nina at the hospital.

Boyd sneaks into the Sanders’ home in a misguided attempt to help Morgan. Creasy meets Vanessa and Colonel Blair after the president decides to reveal the details of Operation Total Information.

10.00 FILM: The Lincoln Lawyer (2011) Starring Matthew McConaughey, Marisa Tomei, Ryan Phillippe, William H Macy. Thriller about a small-time lawyer who thinks he has landed the case of a lifetime when he is employed to defend a wealthy man accused of attempted murder.

12.15am FILM: A History Of Violence (2005) 2.00 Boss 3.05 MESH: Covert 3.10 One Born Every Minute 4.05 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures 4.10 Hollyoaks Omnibus

6.00 – 7.35am Children’s television 7.35 City Of Friends 7.45 Milkshake!

Bop Box 7.50 Little Princess 8.00 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.20 Angelina Ballerina 8.30 Milkshake! Monkey 8.40 Rupert Bear 8.55 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.10 Jelly Jamm 9.25 LazyTown 9.55 FILM: Jetsons: The Movie (1990) 11.25 FILM: Stuart Little 3: Call Of The Wild (2005) 12.55pm FILM: Getting Even With Dad (1994) 3.35 FILM: Columbo: Playback (1975) 4.35 FILM: Columbo: Candidate For Crime (1973) 6.30 The NCIS Movie: Payback Feature-length episode of the crime drama series. The team is on the hunt for a serial killer after finding a truck full of dismembered feet. Abby is invited to give a forensic science lecture in Mexico, and McGee goes along as an escort. While there, she solves a cold case involving a drug dealer who was killed by Gibbs 20 years ago. When Special Agent Lara Macy is murdered, Gibbs becomes convinced that Colonel Bell is responsible and leaves for Mexico.

9.05 5 News Weekend 9.10 Live International Boxing: James Degale V Gevorg Khatchikian James DeGale MBE takes a vital step towards his dream of winning a world title as he faces undefeated Gevorg Khatchikian at the City Academy, Bristol. Channel 5 has full coverage of the match, which will be presented by Mark Pougatch with commentary by Dave Farrar, Al Bernstein and Richie Woodhall.

11.10 FILM: Pistol Whipped (2007) Starring Steven Seagal, Wass Stevens. Action thriller.

1.05am SuperCasino 3.05 Benidorm ER 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 Five VOD Make It Big 4.50 The Funky Valley Show 5.00 Angels Of Jarm 5.05 Hana’s Helpline 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.25 Five VOD The Funky Valley Show 5.40 Hana’s Helpline 5.50 Hana’s Helpline

6.00am Barclays Premier League Preview 6.30 Ringside 7.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 8.00 Fantasy Football Club 9.00 Game Changers 10.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.00pm LIVE Championship 2.30 Saturday Team Talk 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.00 LIVE Ford Saturday Night Football 8.00 Saturday Night Football - Game Of The Day 10.00 Saturday Night Football - Match Choice 11.30 Championship 12.00am Saturday Reloaded 1.00 Saturday Night Football - Match Choice 2.30 Saturday Night Football Match Choice 4.00 Saturday Night Football - Match Choice 5.30 Football Gold 5.45 Football Gold

6.05 South East Today 6.15 Pointless Celebrities Celebrities test the depths of their general knowledge in this special edition of the quiz. Janice Long, Graham Cole and Eddie ‘The Eagle’ Edwards are among the stars trying to come up with the answers that noone else could think of. Presented by Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman.

7.00 The Voice UK See highlights.

9.10 The National Lottery Live Gaby Roslin presents a live show from Lottery HQ, including the Lotto and Thunderball draws.

9.20 Casualty Lily makes a special connection with a new mother with learning disabilities. Robyn is intrigued when she discovers mysterious intruder Lofty hiding in her house, but is he really as kind and friendly as he appears?

10.10 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights of the day’s Premier League games.

Relegation-threatened Fulham faces a derby match against local rivals Chelsea. The Blues are unbeaten in their last 15 league games against the Whites, with their last defeat coming at Craven Cottage in 2006.

11.45 The Football League Show Highlights and analysis from the Football League.

1.05am Weatherview 1.10 News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Super League: Grand Final Gold 6.15 Super League: Grand Final Gold 6.30 Super Rugby 8.30 LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm LIVE Test Cricket 4.00 Sporting Greats 4.30 LIVE Championship Rugby Union 7.00 LIVE Fight Night 11.30 Cycling: Omloop Het Nieuwsblad 12.00am Tennis 1.00 Tennis 2.00 Championship Rugby Union 3.00 Super Rugby 5.00 Championship Rugby Union

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Tennis 6.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold 6.45 Super League: Grand Final Gold 7.00 Super League 8.00 LIVE Cricket 4.00pm LIVE Tennis 6.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 6.55 LIVE Spanish Football 9.00 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 WWE Late Night Superstars 12.00am Test Cricket 1.00 Cricket 2.00 WWE NXT 3.00 LIVE Tennis

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9.00am Game Changers 10.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm WWE: Superstars 1.00 Sinbad (x2) 3.00 Futurama (x2) 4.00 Modern Family (x5) 6.30 FILM: Garfield (2004) 8.05 Modern Family 8.35 Football’s Funniest Moments 9.00 Arrow 10.00 Revolution 11.00 A League Of Their Own (x2) 1.00am Cop Squad (x2)

7.00pm Great Movie Mistakes III: Not In 3D 7.25 Doctor Who 8.10 Top Gear 9.10 FILM: I Am Number Four (2010) 10.50 Family Guy (x7) 1.25am Impractical Jokers 1.55 Pramface 2.25 Bluestone 42 2.55 Festivals, Sex And Suspicious Parents

7.00pm Great Barrier Reef 8.00 Lost Kingdoms Of South America 9.00 Salamander (x2) 10.35 What’s Going On: The Life And Death Of Marvin Gaye 11.35 Roll Over Beethoven - The Chess Records Saga 12.40am Top Of The Pops: 1979 1.15 Sounds Of The 70s 2 1.45 Lost Kingdoms Of South America

11.05am The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills (x2) 1.00pm The Only Way Is Essex (x2) 2.50 FILM: Kangaroo Jack (2003) 4.40 FILM: Step Up (2006) 6.55 FILM: Ocean’s Thirteen (2007) 9.20 FILM: Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) 11.30 FILM: The Sweetest Thing (2002) 1.20am Fake Reaction

7.20am FILM: The Four Musketeers (1974) 9.30 Lewis 11.35 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 12.45pm The Casebook Of Sherlock Holmes 1.50 FILM: Circle Of Friends (1995) 3.55 Inspector Morse 5.55 Rosemary And Thyme 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Endeavour 11.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.40am Heartbeat

2.00pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 3.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 4.00 Rude(ish) Tube (x2) 5.00 The Big Bang Theory (x4) 7.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 8.00 The Tomorrow People 9.00 FILM: Trading Places (1983) 11.20 Rude Tube: Viral Ads 12.25am The Big Bang Theory (x2) 1.20 The Midnight Beast

10.00am Come Dine With Me Down Under (x5) 12.50pm Coach Trip (x5) 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x3) 6.50 Show Dogs: The Road To Crufts 7.55 Dogs: Their Secret Lives 9.00 Extreme Dog Styling 10.00 Fatal Flight 447: Chaos In The Cockpit 11.05 Terror In The Skies 12.10am Show Dogs

11.00am MirrorMask (2005) 1.00pm Marley And Me (2008) 3.15 Imagine That (2009) 5.20 The Phantom (1996) 7.15 Bedazzled (2000) 9.00 The Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009) 11.05 28 Days Later (2002). See highlights.

1.20am Spanking The Monkey (1994) 3.30 Close

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Sunday 2 Dancing On Ice ITV1, 6.15pm It’s the semi-finals of the last ever Dancing On Ice! Is that a tear in your eye or just a bit of dust, what with you not caring really – but secretly adoring all things covered in sequins? Philip Schofield and Christine Bleakley hold it together while the four remaining celebrities skate twice tonight, including a flying routine.

Britain’s Bronze Age Mummies: A Time Team Special Channel 4, 8pm Tony Robinson is so excited!

Discovering heaps of fascinating facts about the Bronze Age along the way, the team follow an incredible dig on a long-forgotten burial ground on home ground. In a race against time, recent weather conditions threaten it all.

My Mad Fat Diary E4, 10.30pm Series two based on Rae Earl’s real-life diaries. So school’s over.

Phew! Which means that sixth form college is ready to start. Say what?! A whole new set of people to contend with, and when Rae’s relationship with Finn draws attention to her, she must decide whether to face her bullies or run. Who wants to run?

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6.00am Breakfast 7.40 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Sunday Politics 12.15pm MOTD2 Extra 1.00 BBC News 1.15 Bargain Hunt 2.15 The Indian Doctor 3.00 Flog It! 3.25 Escape To The Country 4.10 Deadly On A Mission: Pole To Pole 4.40 Songs Of Praise 5.15 Pointless Celebrities 6.05 BBC News 6.20 South East Today 6.30 Blandings Comedy series based on the stories by PG Wodehouse.

7.00 Countryfile The Countryfile team explores the coast and countryside of Kent.

8.00 Call The Midwife Drama about a group of midwives in 1950s London, based on the memoirs of Jennifer Worth. As Jenny returns to Nonnatus House, her encounter with nervous first-time mum, Faye, forces her to break the rules.

9.00 The Musketeers Historical drama series inspired by the novels of Alexandre Dumas. Aramis and d’Artagnan are thwarted in their task to transport a young woman and her baby from a village outside Paris to the palace when armed men abduct her baby. They must find out who she is exactly and why anyone would go to such lengths to kidnap her son.

10.00 BBC News 10.15 South East Today 10.25 Match Of The Day 2 Mark Chapman introduces highlights of the day’s three Premier League matches.

11.30 The League Cup Show Manish Bhasin introduces action from the 2014 Capital One Cup final at Wembley Stadium between Manchester City and Sunderland.

12.10am Weatherview 12.15 News

6.10am FILM: School For Scoundrels (1960) 7.40 Monty Don’s Italian Gardens 8.40 Countryfile 9.40 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites Sunday Edition 11.10 James Martin: Home Comforts 11.55 Michel Roux’s Service 12.55pm Michel Roux’s Service 1.55 FILM: Vertigo (1958) 4.00 Cycling: World Track Championships 5.35 Giant Squid: Filming The Impossible - Natural World Special

6.00am Dino Dan 6.10 Dino Dan 6.25 Matt Hatter Chronicles 6.45 Canimals 6.55 Canimals 7.00 Canimals 7.10 Om Nom Stories 7.15 Om Nom Stories 7.20 Sooty 7.30 Scrambled! 7.35 Almost Naked Animals 7.50 Horrid Henry 8.10 Victorious 8.50 The Aquabats! Super Show! 9.25 Murder, She Wrote 10.25 Dickinson’s Real Deal 11.25 ITV News & Weather 11.30 River Monsters 12.30pm Columbo: Death Hits The Jackpot 2.30 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 3.30 FILM: Diamonds Are Forever (1971) 5.50 ITV News 6.00 ITV News; Weather 6.15 Dancing On Ice See highlights.

7.45 All Star Family Fortunes 8.30 Dancing On Ice: The Results Presented by Phillip Schofield and Christine Bleakley. Two celebrities skate to stay in the competition, but only one can go through to next week’s final.

9.00 Mr Selfridge Period drama series about entrepreneur Harry Selfridge and the store which he founded. Following Henri’s arrest and Harry’s disappearance, everyone is in a state of confusion. The police are swarming all over the store and invade the Selfridge home searching for evidence. When Rose discovers that Harry is away on secret government business, she is more worried for his safety than ever, but rallies and attempts to take control of the situation.

10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 It’ll Be Alright On The Night’s Best Of The Worst Griff Rhys Jones returns with his favourite outtakes from the archives.

11.15 Rugby Highlights: Aviva Premiership Mark Durden-Smith introduces the pick of the action from round 16 of the Aviva Premiership, with analysis from David Flatman.

12.15am The Store 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

6.20am The Hoobs 6.45 The Hoobs 7.10 Freesports On 4 7.35 Garmin Arenacross 8.00 FIM Superbike World Championship 8.35 Sochi Special: Paralympic Winter Games 9.05 Frasier 9.30 Sunday Brunch 12.35pm The Big Bang Theory 1.00 The Big Bang Theory 1.30 How I Met Your Mother 2.00 How I Met Your Mother 2.25 The Simpsons 2.55 The Simpsons 3.20 Deal Or No Deal 4.25 FILM: Grease (1978) 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Fish Fight: Hugh’s Last Stand Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall tells the story of how hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world forced the politicians in Brussels to radically reform fishing policies. He also goes back to the North Sea to find out how a more sustainable future for fish and for fishermen might work.

8.00 Britain’s Bronze Age Mummies: A Time Team Special See highlights.

9.00 FILM: Salt (2010) Starring Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber, Chiwetel Ejiofor. Thriller. A CIA agent is accused of being a Russian spy by a defector brought in for questioning and sets out to prove her innocence at all costs. With her husband missing and the evidence stacking up, her actions only serve to cast doubt on her motives.

11.00 FILM: Predator (1987) Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Elpidia Carrillo, Bill Duke, Kevin Peter Hall. Hi-tech action fantasy about an alien encountered by a unit of crack commandos on a rescue mission deep in the dense jungles of South America.

1.00am FILM: The Fountain (2006) 2.35 One Born Every Minute 3.30 Supernanny US 4.15 Location, Location, Location 5.10 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 5.25 Deal Or No Deal

6.00 – 8.10am Children’s television 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Angelina Ballerina 8.35 Mio Mao 8.45 Rupert Bear 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 Jelly Jamm 9.30 LazyTown 10.00 Power Rangers: Super Samurai 10.35 Power Rangers: Megaforce 11.05 Access 11.10 World’s Scariest Drivers 11.50 The Hotel Inspector 12.50pm Ice Road Truckers 1.50 Police Interceptors 2.50 FILM: Beetlejuice (1988) 4.40 FILM: Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005) 6.35 FILM: The Fifth Element (1997) Starring Bruce Willis, Milla Jovovich, Gary Oldman, Ian Holm, Chris Tucker, Charlie Creed-Miles. Gripping 23rdcentury sci-fi adventure in which a jaded New York cab driver finds himself in the middle of a battle between good and evil.

8.55 5 News Weekend 9.00 FILM: Erin Brockovich (2000) Starring Julia Roberts, Albert Finney, Aaron Eckhart, Marg Helgenberger, Peter Coyote, Conchata Ferrell. Factbased drama about a single mother who stumbles upon a plot to cover up an environmental accident. While working for a lawyer, she is puzzled by an old case and decides to do some research of her own. She discovers that a chemical company knowingly polluted the local area and, with the help of the lawyer, launches a class action to sue those responsible.

11.45 FILM: The Fog (2005) Starring Tom Welling, Maggie Grace, Selma Blair, Kenneth Welsh and Adrian Hough. A remake of John Carpenter’s classic atmospheric chiller.

1.35am SuperCasino 3.05 Trauma Doctors 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 Make It Big 4.45 Five VOD The Funky Valley Show 5.00 Angels Of Jarm 5.05 Hana’s Helpline 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.25 Five VOD The Funky Valley Show 5.40 Hana’s Helpline 5.50 Hana’s Helpline

6.00am Championship 6.30 Saturday Night Football - Match Choice 8.00 Game Changers 9.00 Championship 9.30 Goals On Sunday 11.30 Sunday Supplement 12.30pm LIVE Capital One Cup 4.30 Football League Gold 5.00 Football League Gold 5.15 Football League Gold 5.30 Football League Gold 5.55 LIVE Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Capital One Cup 12.30am Spanish Football 1.30 Spanish Football 2.30 Ford Football Special 4.00 Football League Gold 4.15 Football League Gold 4.30 Football League Gold 4.45 Football League Gold 5.00 Capital One Cup

6.20 FILM: Invincible (2006) Starring Mark Wahlberg, Greg Kinnear, Elizabeth Banks. Drama based on the true story of Vince Papale, a down-on-his-luck part-time bartender from Philadelphia who overcame long odds to play for the NFL’s Philadelphia Eagles in 1976.

8.00 Top Gear Motoring magazine with Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond.

9.00 Dragons’ Den Series presented

by Evan Davis, in which budding entrepreneurs get three minutes to pitch their business ideas to five multi-millionaires.

10.00 Mock The Week Looks Back At... Science And Technology The Mock the Week team unearth more classic themed material from the show’s archives.

This week’s topic is science and technology.

10.30 Line Of Duty Police drama series. Lindsay is denied bail and finds herself targeted in prison.

Growing increasingly desperate, she tells Kate about a relationship with an executive police officer and her theory of why she is being framed.

11.30 FILM: The Mission (1986) Starring Robert De Niro, Jeremy Irons, Ray McAnally, Liam Neeson.

Morally-based action drama.

1.30am Sign Zone: Countryfile 2.25 Sign Zone: Holby City 3.25 Sign Zone: Silk

Sky Sports 2 6.00am This Week In WWE 6.30 WWE Vintage 7.30 WWE: The Bottom Line 8.30 WWE Afterburn 9.30 Fight Night 1.00pm LIVE International Cricket 5.00 LIVE International Cricket 10.00 Test Cricket 11.00 Sporting Greats: Sir Donald Bradman 11.30 Sporting Greats 12.00am International Cricket 1.00 Capital One Cup 2.00 Test Cricket 3.00 Ashes Modern Day Classics 3.30 Ashes Modern Day Classics 4.00 International Cricket 5.00 Ashes Modern Day Classics 5.30 Ashes Modern Day Classics

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Cycling: Tour Of Oman 7.00 Cycling: Omloop Het Nieuwsblad 7.30 Cricket 8.25 LIVE Test Cricket 4.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 7.00 Capital One Cup 8.00 Test Cricket 9.00 Super Rugby Extra Time 9.30 Cycling: Omloop Het Nieuwsblad 10.00 WWE: Late Night Afterburn 11.00 This Week In WWE 11.30 WWE Vintage 12.30am Super Rugby Extra Time 1.00 Fight Night 4.30 Ford Football Special Victoria Nangle

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2.30pm Modern Family (x5) 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Jordan And Perri’s Block Party 6.30 The Simpsons 7.00 Modern Family 7.30 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 Hawaii Five-0 10.00 NCIS: LA 11.00 The Monuments Men Special 11.30 A League Of Their Own 12.30am Road Wars

7.00pm The Voice UK 9.15 Hair 10.15 Family Guy (x2) 11.00 Bluestone 42 11.30 American Dad! (x2) 12.15am Ja’mie: Private School Girl 12.40 Pramface 1.10 Hair 2.10 Knife Crime ER - Reggie Yates’s Extreme South Africa 3.10 Bluestone 42 3.40 Great Movie Mistakes V: Revenge Of The Fifth

7.00pm The Golden Age Of Coach Travel 8.00 The Fairytale Castles Of King Ludwig II With Dan Cruickshank 9.00 Captain Cook: The Man Behind The Legend 10.00 FILM: Barbara (2012) 11.40 The Golden Age Of Coach Travel 12.40am Hello Quo 2.00 TOTP2: Status Quo 2.45 Captain Cook

1.15pm Totally You’ve Been Framed! 2.15 FILM: Step Up (2006) 4.25 Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 5.45 FILM: The Incredible Hulk (2008) 7.55 FILM: Coyote Ugly (2000) 10.00 The Only Way Is Essex 10.50 Party Wright Around The World 11.50 The Big Reunion 2014 12.50am Mom 1.20 Dads

7.45am FILM: The Likely Lads (1976) 9.35 Heartbeat (x2) 11.35 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 12.45pm Inspector Morse 2.50 Rosemary And Thyme 4.55 Lewis 6.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 The One And Only Cilla 10.30 Inspector Morse 12.50am FILM: A Perfect Murder (1998) 2.40 Judge Judy

3.00pm Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. 4.00 The Tomorrow People 5.00 Troy 6.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (x3) 8.00 FILM: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) 10.00 The Big Bang Theory 10.30 My Mad Fat Diary.

See highlights. 11.30 How I Met Your Mother 12.05am Rules Of Engagement (x2)

11.00am Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals (x5) 1.40pm Four In A Bed (x5) 4.20 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.00 Shipping Wars (x2) 7.55 Kevin McCloud’s Man Made Home 9.00 Walking Through History 10.00 Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners 11.05 Embarrassing Fat Bodies: Back To The Clinic 12.10am Shameless USA

11.00am Broken Lance (1954) 1.00pm St Trinian’s (2007) 2.55 Stardust (2007) 5.20 Fantastic Mr. Fox 7.05 The Death And Life Of Charlie St Cloud (2010) 9.00 Sanctum (2010) 11.10 Pride And Glory (2008) 1.45am Thumbsucker (2005) 3.45 Close

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Monday 3 Undercover: Hate On The Terraces: Channel 4 Dispatches Channel 4, 8pm There’s been much said and reported over the decades about attitudes of prejudice in top flight football. Reporter Morland Sanders goes undercover to discover the extent homophobia and racism is prevalent, following the police’s pledge to stop it all.

Mary Berry Cooks BBC2, 8.30pm A new series in which Mary Berry takes viewers step by step through a variety of yummy recipes. With Easter not too far off she kickstarts this delicious show with a demonstration of how to host a traditional tea party. With bite-sized scones, orange butterfly cakes and not a Mad Hatter in sight.

Animals Through The Night: Sleepover At The Zoo BBC4, 9pm A never-before-attempted sleep experiment conducted at Bristol Zoo takes a closer look at the nocturnal habits of creatures – from red lions and pandas to meerkats. With sleep behaviour compared and contrasted across the course of a single night.

Who’s having a midnight feast?

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Countryside 999 11.45 Caught Red Handed 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 James Martin: Home Comforts 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Countryside 999 7.50 Caught Red Handed 8.20 Helicopter Heroes 9.05 The Restaurant Man 10.05 Great British Railway Journeys 10.35 Click 11.00 BBC News 11.30 Mandela Remembered From Westminster Abbey 1.00pm The A To Z Of TV Gardening 1.15 War Walks 1.45 Cycling: World Track Championships 2.45 Cagney And Lacey 3.30 Bergerac 4.20 Are You Being Served?

4.50 ‘Allo ‘Allo!

5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 6.00 Revenge Of The Egghead 6.30 Sport Relief’s Top Dog Gaby Roslin hosts, as two teams of three owners and their dogs go head to head in a series of fun challenges.

7.00 Top Gear Motoring magazine with Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond.

8.00 University Challenge The pressure is increasing as the quarterfinals continue.

8.30 Mary Berry Cooks See highlights.

9.00 Mind The Gap: London V The Rest London is a clear representation of how it is throughout the counry, from living standards to wages, right?

Right? Hey guys? Possibly not, then.

10.00 The Culture Show: Henry Matisse - A Cut Above The Rest To coincide with a major Tate Modern exhibition in April, Alastair Sooke presents a moving and intimate portrait.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Mandela Remembered From Westminster Abbey Live from Westminster Abbey.

12.20am Dragons’ Den 1.20 Sign Zone: Film 2014 1.50 Sign Zone: The Culture Show: Lego - The Building Blocks Of Architecture 4.00 Human Planet: Change And Sustainability KS3 5.00 Science Of The Harvest 5.30 The Great British Year - Learning Zone 5.55 Wonders Of Nature: Birds Of Paradise - Display

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.20am Countdown 7.05 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 7.10 Will And Grace 7.35 Will And Grace 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.25 Frasier 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Frasier 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Four In A Bed (x5) 2.40 Countdown 3.30 Deal Or No Deal 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Superstar Dogs: Countdown To Crufts 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks As Tegan struggles to keep her hands off Fraser, how long can they keep their illicit affair secret?

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 8.00 Undercover: Hate On The Terraces: Channel 4 Dispatches See highlights.

8.30 Food Unwrapped In the final episode of the series, Jimmy looks into how fresh supermarket fish really is, and Kate investigates how asparagus is grown all year round.

9.00 One Born Every Minute Flyon-the-wall documentary series following staff and patients on a labour ward at Southmead hospital, Bristol.

10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr hosts the topical comedy panel show.

Team captains Jon Richardson and Sean Lock are joined by Jack Dee. 10.50 Troy Observational documentary. Troy parties at the Notting Hill Carnival and unleashes his trickery at his old workplace.

11.50 Strippers Documentary series.

12.45am Random Acts 12.50 Scandal 1.35 Hostages 2.25 Paralympic Winter Games: The Countdown 2.30 The Good Wife 3.20 One Born Every Minute 4.15 Location, Location, Location 5.10 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 5.25 Deal Or No Deal

6.00am Children’s television 7.00 Little Princess 7.10 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Police Interceptors 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 The Hotel Inspector 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Lethal Obsession (2007) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away The search for survivors begins in the aftermath of the explosion and the race is on to rescue the wounded.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 The Gadget Show Actionpacked tech consumer show. How well will tablet cases stand up to a pounding from a herd of cows and a real game of angry birds?

8.00 Police Interceptors Observational documentary series following the high-speed lawenforcement pursuit specialists.

9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away! Documentary series about the plight of people on the sharp end of bad debt - and the people whose job it is to get the money back. Mike and Terry travel to Cheshire and Liverpool to repossess debtors’ cars.

10.00 Mobs And Yobs: Caught On Camera Documentary series. On the ground, in the air and at the CCTV centre as thousands of protestors wearing ‘V for Vendetta’ masks take their protest to Parliament.

11.00 FILM: Mercenary For Justice (2006) Starring Steven Seagal. A soldier of fortune is blackmailed into staging a daring prison break.

12.50am SuperCasino 3.05 The Thriller Killers: Born To Kill? 4.00 House Doctor 4.25 House Doctor 4.45 The Great Artists 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 Wildlife SOS

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Capital One Cup 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Football Gold 11.00 Spanish Football 12.00pm Capital One Cup 1.00 Ford Football Special 2.30 Spanish Football 3.30 Fantasy Football Club 4.00 Football Gold 4.30 Game Changers 5.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.30 FL72 Review 7.30 LIVE Football League 10.00 The Footballers’ Football Show 11.00 FL72 Review 12.00am SPFL Round-Up 12.30 Football League 1.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.30 The Footballers’ Football Show 3.30 Football Gold 4.00 Football League 5.00 The Footballers’ Football Show

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out A look at the reason why Brighton and Hove’s former top cop thinks addicts should have special rooms in which to take drugs.

8.00 EastEnders Ronnie and Roxy return to Walford, but Phil and Sharon worry when they learn what has happened.

8.30 Hungry Britain? - Panorama With hundreds of thousands of people across the country now getting free handouts of food, reporter Darragh MacIntyre investigates the dramatic rise in the number of food banks and the claims of hunger in Britain.

9.00 Silk Legal drama series. Delving into the murky world of professional football, Martha must put her feelings aside to defend a footballer accused of a pitch assault on another player.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Have I Got Old News For You Extended version of the popular news quiz.

11.20 Late Kick Off Jacqui Oatley presents the first in a new series of the football magazine.

11.50 The Graham Norton Show The award-winning host continues his anarchic talk show.

12.35am Weatherview 12.40 News

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The villagers start to fear the worst as they hunt for missing Gemma.

7.30 Coronation Street Jealous Tina struggles with reality.

8.00 I Never Knew That About Britain Series exploring Britain’s rich and surprising history and revealing some of the nation’s unusual stories.

8.30 Coronation Street Will Gary crack under Val’s interrogation?

9.00 DCI Banks Gritty detective series. When an old neighbour tells Banks that she has discovered a gun in her teenage daughter’s bedroom, his first instinct is to retrieve it without fuss. Helen persuades him that she should go by the book and enter with a firearms squad, but neither of them can foresee that this will lead to an innocent man being critically injured.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The Agenda 11.05 The Secret Mediterranean With Trevor McDonald Trevor McDonald presents a series in which he makes an amazing journey across the Mediterranean in search of the unexpected, the forgotten, the extraordinary and the bizarre.

12.05am Jackpot247 3.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Spanish Football 8.00 Ashes Modern Day Classics 8.30 LIVE Test Cricket 12.00pm LIVE Test Cricket 4.00 Capital One Cup 5.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 Test Cricket 8.00 Red Bull Air Race 9.30 Ashes Modern Day Classics 10.00 Super League Full Time 11.00 Test Cricket 12.00am The Footballers’ Football Show 1.00 Super League Full Time 2.00 Test Cricket 3.00 Super League Full Time 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.00 Super League Full Time

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Football Gold 7.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 8.00 Super League 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Extreme Sports: Snow Unleashed 12.00pm Sporting Greats 1.00 Fight Night 4.30 Sporting Greats 5.30 Capital One Cup 6.30 Extreme Sports: Snow Unleashed 7.00 Super League Full Time 8.00 Max Power 9.00 Extreme Sports: Snow Unleashed 9.30 Absolute Match Fishing 10.00 WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE: Late Night Afterburn 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 WWE: Late Night Raw 4.15 WWE From The Vault 4.30 Arm Wars 5.00 Taekwondo World Grand Prix Finals Victoria Nangle

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10.00am NCIS: LA (x4) 2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 The Simpsons 3.30 Futurama (x2) 4.30 The Simpsons (x2) 5.30 Modern Family (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x4) 8.30 Modern Family 9.00 Moone Boy 9.30 The Simpsons 10.00 Stella 11.00 A League Of Their Own 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Hawaii Five-0

7.00pm Hotel Of Mum And Dad 8.00 Junior Paramedics 9.00 The Millionaire Preacher Reggie Yates’s Extreme South Africa 10.00 Impractical Jokers 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Impractical Jokers 1.00 The Millionaire Preacher

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys Goes To Ireland 8.00 Horizon: What Happened Before The Big Bang? 9.00 Animals Through The Night: Sleepover At The Zoo. See highlights. 10.30 Storyville: The Village That Fought Back 12.00am Fantastical World Of Hormones

2.00pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 4.10 The Real Housewives Of New Jersey 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Mom (x2) 10.00 FILM: Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) 12.15am Two And A Half Men (x2)

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 Columbo: Any Old Port In A Storm 4.15 French Fields 4.45 Second Thoughts 5.15 The Upper Hand 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Long Lost Family 10.00 Whitechapel 11.00 Law & Order: UK 12.05am Agatha Christie’s Poirot

4.00pm Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine 8.30 2 Broke Girls 9.00 Revenge 10.00 My Mad Fat Diary 11.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 12.00am The Cleveland Show

1.25pm Time Team Special 2.30 Time Team 3.35 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.45 The Restoration Man 6.50 Grand Designs (x2) 9.00 FILM: A Time To Kill (1996) 11.55 Embarrassing Bodies Down Under 12.55am Grand Designs 2.00 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces

11.00am The Big Trees (1952) 12.50pm The Big Blockade (1942) 2.25 The Black Knight (1954) 4.10 Battle Cry (1955) 7.05 The Phantom (1996) 9.00 Knight And Day (2010) 11.10 Elizabeth (1998) 1.35am Hunger (2008) 3.35 Close

THE LATEST TV CHANNEL from Brighton with love

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