Latest 7: No. 660

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the city & news magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk Fabrice Muamba Former Arsenal midfielder Fabrice Muamba launches Brighton employment project at The Amex

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07 – 13 January 2014

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Get your skates on for Robin Cousins’ spectacular new show Ice at The Brighton Centre

THAT WAS 2013 Celeb City looks back over a starstudded year BRIGHTON MARINA Great savings on shopping & dining with the Gold Card

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THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS What would make you happy in 2014?

BETRAYAL Don’t miss the best Danish drama since The Killing

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Digital Marketing Analyst / Web Analyst – First Central Insurance Management Limited (Haywards Heath)

Chief Technology Officer – Brighton & Hove City Council (Brighton & Hove) Web Developer – Built by Buffalo (Brighton and Hove) PR and Communications – Alliantist (Brighton & Hove) Listings Assistant – Culture24 (Brighton & Hove) 2 x Games Programmers – PaperSeven Ltd (Brighton & Hove) Technical Account Manager – On Tap (Rye) Project Manager – West Pier Studio (Brighton & Hove) Account Manager (6 month contract) – Jollywise (Brighton & Hove)

2D freelance animator – to help develop and finalise a opening sequence animation for a Sales meeting Affordable website needed – to design/develop a new creative website Photoshop Wizard Wanted – who have experience with creating visual effects such as glows etc

Brighton Alt.NET – Tuesday 7 January, 7.30pm at The Skiff Brighton Farm Freelancers Meetup – Wednesday 8 January, 8pm at Hampton Arms Open Coffee for Digital Entrepreneurs – Thurs 9 Jan, 8.30am upstairs @ Cafe Delice

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2014 thelatest.co.uk

@latestbrighton

07–13 JANUARY 2014

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CONTENTS NEWS & COMMENT

Online now: Local news headlines, competitions and all the listings to what’s on this week Attention musicians! Upload your tracks and let the world listen to your music!

All the latest homes are on latesthomes.co.uk

06 Latest Brighton & Hove News What would it take to make 2014 a happy new year?

Fabrice Muamba launches Brighton employment project Former Arsenal midfielder Fabrice Muamba helped launch a new scheme with BrightonandHoveJobs.com and Brighton & Hove Albion at The Amex Stadium. The project aims to help young players get ready for life after football. The scheme itself could be implemented on a larger scale in future. Gary Peters founded BrightonandHoveJobs.com and believes the wider community could benefit from specialist workshops on job applications. He told Latest Sport: “We hope to be rolling this out across schools at all ages. It’s all about inspiring youngsters, go and show them how it’s done and give them choices.”

Watch the show now at www.thelatest.tv

With over 3,400 local properties, more Brighton & Hove homes than any other property website For details of advertising opportunities with latesthomes.co.uk please contact the advertising team on 01273 818150 lhsales@thelatest.co.uk

10 LIFESTYLE 07 Marina Life Win a Mini First with the new 2014 Gold Card

@LatestTVBtn

latesthomes.co.uk/brighton

08 Celeb City That was 2013: art, music and film stars 10 Kay Town Andrew keeps his friends updated through Facebook 10 Competitions Tickets to see Rumours Of Fleetwood Mac, Warpaint and family favourite favourite: Postman Pat Live!

11 Bare Cheek Predictions for the year ahead

09 On the cover: Brighton Centre Don’t miss Robin Cousins’ spectacular new show Ice 12 Hotlist Beat the January blues: the hottest places to dine 13 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink An impromptu solo lunch at The Bath Arms

WHAT’S ON

GIG

PARTY

IN BRIGHTON

Managing Director Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Production Director Fiona McTernan Finance Manager Sharon Caple Accounts & administration Claire Peerless Creative Director Andrew Kay

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Art Director Stephen King Latest Homes Advertising Manager Lesley Lawrence Latest 7 Advertising Manager Rachel Simm

15 What’s On The Old Market’s new shows; 3, 2, 1 With Flange Krammer; Chris T-T and The Hoodrats

IN BRIGHTON

Vels Trio + Woodland Blue + Philippe Nash + Astra Forward.

A night of Brighton music – come on down.

Wednesday, January 8th, 2014, 7pm, £3

Latest Group

14 Reviews & Bookings; Latest Brighton Download Chart Comic Boom, Pinocchio and Beyoncé

Latest 7/Homes Editor Zara Baker Entertainment & Production Editor Victoria Nangle Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Design Jason Weaver Staff writers Sade Ali Vanessa Austin Locke

Sam Chara & The Love Interest + BobWantsHisHeadBack. Twenty-first century cabaret with soul.

Friday, January 10th, 2014, doors: 8pm, £7/£5

Jo Brooks Joe Fuller David Hillier Brian Mitchell Joseph Nixon Lynn Ruth Miller Alastair Reid Latest 7 interns Lily Blackmore Kyle Moon Rhiannon Pulling

Website & IT Tom Scrace Lisa Yousefi

Latest News

Frank le Duc Jenni Davidson Jay Legate (Sport) Latest news intern Ceirney Eddie

Latest TV Val Aviv David Cuff

Andy Nicholls William Ranieri Yuki Stephenson Latest TV intern Megan Plumstead

Latest MusicBar Ruth Ratner James Charter Stella Pitt Ali Cluney-Hickford Steve Parfrement Latest MusicBar intern Andrew McClean

18 Brighton After Dark Three years of the Green Door Store; new club nights 20 TV Listings Betrayal – the new Danish TV drama already causing a stir stateside; seven days of TV listings

Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: sales@thelatest.co.uk

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

To advertise call 01273 818150

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06 LATEST NEWS

latest brighton & hove news

The pursuit of happiness

By Dr Tom Scanlon, Director of Public Health for Brighton and Hove

I

t’s that time when we all wish one another a “Happy New Year”. We might bring round a lump of coal, a clootie dumpling or, if you’re lucky, a tall dark handsome stranger in an effort to increase our chances. Some of us will make New Year resolutions with the intention of making next year better than the one that went before. But, is there a recipe for a Happy New Year? Are there things we can do to make our lives happier or is it all in the lap of the gods?

Happiness is certainly the eternal pursuit – rich or poor. We all want to be happy. But what does being happy mean exactly? What does it comprise and what is the influence of age, gender, ethnicity, religion, wealth and neighbourhood? What about those lifestyle behaviours that we adopt in the apparent quest for more happiness – tobacco, alcohol, drugs, sexual encounters? Do they make us more, or less, happy?

Lots of questions and last year the city’s Public Health team set about trying to answer some of them by conducting a Happiness and Wellbeing Survey of the population of Brighton and Hove. This was not a frivolous endeavour. There is a lot of evidence that if you make people happier, you make them healthier and correspondingly reduce the burden on health and social care.

Brighton & Hove City Council leader Jason Kitcat looks back over 2013

N

o one can deny the past year has been a challenging one for our city as we have had to deal with more Coalition government cuts to our city’s budget. However despite this, we have continued to outpace most of the country economically with more retail space being taken and visitor numbers holding steady or rising – so essential for a city that relies on visitors for it economic lifeblood.

Our schools, colleges and universities are growing from strength to strength and outcomes

Furthermore, studies of twins show that happiness is only 50 per cent inherited – you can actually teach people to be more happy (well most of them). So what have we learned and what do we need to make Brighton and Hove happier?

Well, the survey showed that Brighton and Hove is quite a happy place. Men and women are equally happy though women are more satisfied with their lives, albeit with higher levels of anxiety. Older people report higher levels of happiness than younger people – so much for grumpy old men and women. There were also some interesting findings across neighbourhoods and within different social groups.

Residents of Rottingdean have the highest levels of life satisfaction and happiness in the city. Buddhists too reported very high levels of feeling that life was worthwhile and happiness.

By contrast, and somewhat surprisingly, Muslim groups reported lower levels of life satisfaction and happiness with significantly higher levels of anxiety.

Heterosexuals reported higher levels of life satisfaction, happiness and a sense of belonging compared with the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. Black and Black British residents reported higher levels of

are improving.

This year saw record GCSE results against a nationwide downward trend.

2013 saw a busy calendar, with Brighton & Hove Albion and the city council winning the right to host 2015 Rugby World Cup matches in the Amex stadium. The city’s wonderful Festival and the Fringe both had record years, and our museums have been doing very well. And we saw a Royal visit to open The Keep, our new public archives in Falmer.

Many readers will have noticed the major transport improvements completed this year thanks to external funding from the Department for Transport and

the big issue happiness and life satisfaction compared to white residents.

That may be all very well but where does it take us? Few of us are in a position to change our religion, sexuality, gender, age or ethnicity, and even a change of residence is beyond the means of many. So what about the things we can influence – our lifestyles, our sexual behaviour, diet and exercise, smoking, drinking, drug use – how do they affect our happiness?

Well, sex and drugs do go together but alas not with any resultant happiness, rather with a much higher risk of sexually transmitted infections. Residents who use drugs are almost three times as likely as those who don’t to catch a sexually transmitted infection, and those who drink at risky levels twice as likely. Furthermore, there is an association between increasing numbers of sexual partners and unhappiness – residents who

others. The Lewes Road and Seven Dials have been transformed, improving safety for all.

There has been building underway at the old Co-op department store on London Road, ‘Block J’ behind Brighton Station, Woodingdean’s new library, the Brighton Housing Trust container homes and the Amex Stadium expansion. We’ve also recently completed a major refurbishment of the Withdean Sports Complex and of

course the revamped facilities at The Level.

We’ve had great success with the Living Wage Campaign. After introducing the Living Wage for council staff, the citywide campaign we support recently celebrated huge success. Thanks to their work, over a quarter of the living wage employers in the UK are right here in Brighton & Hove – a hugely significant milestone to round off a great 2013. Happy New Year to all.

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LATEST NEWS 07 So what are we to make of all this and how will it help us have a happier New Year? Well, unfortunately we in Public Health do have a bit of a reputation as killjoys. But I try to stay away from “Don’t” messages – don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t take drugs, don’t have casual sex – not because these messages are wrong but rather because they don’t always work. Better if you can give out a positive message. And there are things that we know can make us happy. In fact, it’s quite simple.

1

Connect: Link up with the people around you – at work, at home, at school, in the community. The Christmas period is a great time for this but a lot of people find it a very lonely time. Try to connect with someone new. The chances are it will make you – and them – happy.

2

Be active: You don’t have to run a marathon or join a gym. Just go outside, walk a bit more, get out the bike, go dancing. Find a way of

“Residents of Rottingdean have the highest levels of life satisfaction and happiness in the city” reported just one partner in the previous year had the highest levels of happiness. Smoking doesn’t help either (probably not even after sex) and people who had never smoked were much happier than former smokers, who in turn were happier than current smokers. Of course, you may argue that unhappy people smoke rather than smoking makes you unhappy – but evidence from other studies confirms that if you start smoking, you become less happy. Residents who were physically active reported higher levels of happiness than those who weren’t and, interestingly, older people were much more likely to exercise regularly than younger people – maybe that is part of the reason they are happier.

keeping active that you enjoy and go out and enjoy it.

3

Take notice: Savour the moment, enjoy the view, the seasons, eating lunch, chatting with friends.

It’s all good but we can take it for granted. Reflect on it and you will enjoy it more still.

4

Keep learning: Take up something new or rediscover an old interest. Take on a different responsibility at work, set yourself a bit of a challenge. It’s very likely to make you more happy.

5

Give: This might seem a bit easy at Christmas-time with the relentless exchange of gifts – some of them better meant than others. But give of yourself. Smile, say thanks, maybe volunteer. Give something that connects you to other people. It will make you happy.

So there you are, five easy ways to have a happier New Year. Go on, pick one – start easy. Happiness is there for the taking. Go ahead – and have a Happy New Year.

Marina Life Kirsty Pollard on how you can win a Mini First with the free 2014 Gold Card egister now and be one of the first to get your hands on Brighton Marina’s 2014 Gold Card with over 40 all year round money saving deals. To celebrate its fourth year we’ve gone all out to give you something extra. In partnership with Chandlers, Brighton gold card holders will be entered into a free prize draw where one lucky card holder will win a Mini First Hatchback worth over £12,000. The draw will take place at a special December event. Terms and conditions apply but if you are a registered 2014 gold card holder, 18 years of age or over and live in the UK then you are in with a chance.

This must have savings and loyalty card is completely free. The 2014 card delivers deals at over 40 participating venues all located in one great entertainment destination. You can use the card as often as you choose with savings to be had up until 31st December 3014.

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Here’s a taster of what you can expect from this year’s gold card: • Fun for all the family with buy one get one free bowling • Massive savings at 18 Marina bars, restaurants and cafés including 20% off at Frankie & Benny’s, Café Rouge, Katarina Harvester and Coast to Coast, 50% off at the Seattle Restaurant and 2 for 1 at Memories of India to name a few.

• At Marina retailers you will find savings between 10% and 20% off as well as money back offers. Participating shops include Calvin Klein, The Works and The Original Factory Shop. Pamper yourself with Spa Tara and Marina Dentalcare. There is a fantastic package deal available for fun at Rendezvous Casino with their combined food, drink and game offer. For those more active there is discounted membership at Marina Studios and on the wet side pleasure, powerboat, fishing and scuba diving deals not to be missed.

To get your 2014 Gold Card and free entry into the prize draw to win a Mini First Hatchback simply apply online. Register online at www.brightonmarina.co.uk, apply and your card will be delivered to your home within seven working days; then it’s smart savings for the rest of the year.

Brighton Marina is bursting with things to do, with an eight-screen cinema, 26-lane bowling alley, casino and health and fitness club, there is never a dull moment. If you love to shop, you’ll enjoy exploring the waterfront; where you’ll find a selection of specialist stores fashion, home furnishings, gifts, accessories and books. When it is time to relax, there’s a fantastic array of cafés and restaurants to tempt you from around the globe, from New York to New Delhi, Paris to Rome, Shanghai to Seattle. If your tastes lie closer to home there are pubs, or enjoy traditional gourmet fish and chips on the quayside. You can make a night of it and stay over at the boutique hotel spoilt by harbourside views.

For a full list of the participating venues offers, terms and conditions and to apply simply visit our website www.brightonmarina.co.uk

Kirsty Pollard, Brighton Marina’s Marketing and Events Manager kirsty.pollard@x-leisure.co.uk www.brightonmarina.co.uk

www.brightonmarina.co.uk ONE MILE EAST OF BRIGHTON PIER – NO 7 BUS SHOPS BOWLING CINEMA FITNESS HOTEL CASINO BARS RESTAURANTS SAIL FISH DIVE BOAT TRIPS

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08 CELEBCITY

SPONSORED BY

Celebcity with Jo Brooks Debut art shows, early pics of Kate Moss, Pride fun, Fatboy Slim in NYC, & back in time at Butlins

THAT WAS 2013 2013

Pic: David Ross

was a star-studded year for Celeb City, so we felt it was only fair to share some of the sparkle by recapping our year in famous faces, extraordinary events and glamorous gossip for you Celeb City fans! From A-list through to Z-list we’ve made sure our ear has been to the ground to bring you the best news this town has to offer, and we promise to keep up the good work in 2014.

January started the year off with a bang, and saw us inadvertently landing ourselves in Tatler. Attending Keaton Henson’s debut art show in London we rubbed shoulders with the likes of Sir Derek Jacobi, James Lavelle, Sophie Thompson, Samantha Bond and our favourite – Downton Abbey’s very own Jim Carter (Mr Carson to us!). It was a good introduction into a year which would be filled with art events for us, and the celeb faces kept on coming.

We loved working on Darren Coffield’s ‘Paradox Portraits’ in March, which saw our favourite famous faces, from Harry Styles to Simon Cowell, turned upside down all in the name of art! Then, working alongside Brighton restaurant Moshimo, we helped big names strip off for the fantastic Fishlove campaign, raising awareness against destructive fishing practices in our seas. Joining the likes of Lizzy Jagger and Sir Ben Kingsley were French actress Mélanie Laurent, The Fall’s Gillian Anderson and garage godfather Goldie. In fact, seeing Goldie naked with a redfish had to be one of the highlights of our year. Keep up-to-date with Fishlove’s important work at www.fishlove.co.uk.

We saw even more (not literally) of Goldie working with him on his fantastic Lostribes show in Mayfair recently. Unsurprisingly the drum and bass star has more than his fair share of famous friends – and they all turned out to support him on opening night: Example and his wife Erin McNaught, Rio Ferdinand, Ian Brown, Plan B, Jason Flemyng, Krishnan Guru-

Murthy, Sex Pistol Paul Cook and Meg Matthews all showed up to get their hands on a piece of the action (and brilliant artworks!).

Perhaps even more excitingly, we worked alongside David Ross, the man responsible for the first EVER professional pictures of model and icon Kate Moss. This show, which opened the new Lawrence Alkin gallery in Soho, hit front pages across the UK and made quite a stir worldwide, showing the 14 year old soon-to-be-supermodel as a fresh-faced teen. The in-demand images are still available to purchase over at www.lawrencealkingallery.com.

2K13 also saw us travelling abroad in order to sniff out celebrity gossip.

Over in New York we caught up with JBPR fave Fatboy Slim at an art opening in the Meatpacking District. Norm attended alongside rock royalty Courtney Love and it was great to see a friendly face across the pond. In September we popped over to Norway to their annual Nuart and Numusic festival and got our hands dirty with Jay-Z’s favourite street-artist Hush. We also witnessed music veterans The Orb team up with the fantastic Lee Scratch Perry to create a show that we’re unlikely to witness again; the combined stage age of the gig was a wonder in itself!

Back in the Brighton motherland we partied up a hell of a storm for this year’s fantastic Pride event in August. With some of the biggest names ever involved, 2013 was a stellar do. Paloma Faith, Alison Moyet, Stooshe and MKS all graced the main stage, getting the crowd moving in the beautiful sunshine.

With such a great line-up and parade in 2013 we can only look forward to 2014 and cross our fingers for more exciting names, (Elton John, George Michael, Sinead O’Connor anyone..?)

Of course, we couldn’t have a year round up without mentioning our trip to Butlins (we’re huge fans) to see the one and only Pat Sharp! The DJ/presenter most famous for hosting – the now cult – children’s show Funhouse on CITV, was one of the acts performing at the Butlins Big Weekend in Bognor Regis, and our personal highlight.

Pat invited the Celeb City girls along to see him play a ‘80s DJ, and we even ended up sharing a room with the Funhouse twins (only at JBPR)! As if this all wasn’t enough, Pat played alongside acts such as Doctor & The Medics and ‘80s duo Hue and Cry. We can’t wait for the Butlins Big Weekends next year – and you can join in the fun too at www.bigweekends.com!

So there you have it, our highlights of 2013. Looking into 2014 we cross our fingers for even more stars, juicier gossip and raucous parties. Either way, if anything goes down you can be sure we’ll be there to witness it, and relay it to you fine people of Brighton.

But for now, have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Have you spotted a celeb in the city? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

Follow me: latestcelebcity

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BRIGHTON CENTRE

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starred as Billy Flynn in the London production of Chicago and is Head Judge on ITV’s hugely successful show Dancing On Ice. David Shields has worked as a set and costume designer for more than 25 years for productions across the UK and internationally with credits Robin Cousins’ sensational new show, including Saturday Night Fever at hee ccoover t the Apollo Victoria Theatre, UK n n th v e r Ice, skates into Brighton this January national tours, in Johannesburg, Scandinavia and obin Cousins’ Ice will redefine Poirier (Canada), Neil for the recent Madrid and ice skating for a new Shelton (USA), Michael Spanish tour, Strictly Come generation with an incredible Solonoski (USA) and Jenna Dancing – The Professionals UK show the like of which UK Smith (USA). For full cast Tour, Ice Age Live, A Mammoth theatres have not seen in 30 years. biographies visit: Adventure – Arena World Tour, and 13 Dynamic and atmospheric, it will draw www.robincousinsice.com world touring productions for Holiday audiences into its unique world, “I am excited to have hand picked On Ice. where world-class skaters glide, soar, such a great international cast of Maurice Luttikhuis has worked flip and fly in a truly theatrical setting performers,” says Robin Cousins. as a musician and conductor in full of exciting surprises. Ice features “Many are friends who I have worked film, television and musicals for a powerful soundtrack of original with before, and I know they will more than 25 years, including the music and reworked modern classics bring something unique to the Dutch productions of Les designed to delight and enthral. creation of this show.”

Misérables and Miss Saigon, and Jamie Wilson, Paul the Dutch and French Elliott, Duncan C Weldon productions of Disney’s The and Matthew Mitchell are Lion King. Maurice has delighted to announce the “World-class skaters glide, soar, composed, arranged and full casting for the world recorded the music for premiere of Robin Cousins’ flip and fly in a truly theatrical numerous Holiday On Ice Ice. The national tour opens shows. In 1996, Maurice at Southampton Mayflower setting full of exciting surprises” founded his own symphony Theatre on Thursday 16 orchestra, the New January 2014, ahead of a Symphonics. planned world tour.

Ice is directed and choreographed Tim Mitchell’s credits as Robin Cousins, Olympic champion

by Robin Cousins with set and a lighting designer include Singin’ In and Head Judge on ITV’s Dancing On costume design by David Shields, The Rain at Chichester Festival Ice, has hand-picked the greatest ice musical supervision by Maurice Theatre and the Palace Theatre, The skaters from around the globe, Luttikhuis, lighting by Tim Mitchell Winslow Boy at the promising a spectacular skating and sound design by Gareth Owen.

Old Vic, A Doll’s House at the performance like never seen before.

Robin Cousins is an internationally National Theatre of Scotland, The The line-up includes a diverse recognised name on both ice and Sound of Music at Regent’s Park selection of world-class soloists and stage, known for his innovative Open Air Theatre, and Fidelio at ENO. pair skaters who are the very best in performing style on ice. Besides his Tim is Associate Lighting Designer the business, having between them 16 major international titles he has at Chichester Festival Theatre and won countless Olympic and national performed, choreographed and an Associate Artist for the Royal medals, performed principal roles in directed 10 productions for the world Shakespeare Company. the world’s biggest ice dance shows renowned Holiday On Ice, skated on Gareth Owen is a quadruple and delighted audiences in ITV’s stage at the Radio City Music Hall, Tony/Olivier Award nominated Dancing On Ice. The cast comprises: Annie Aggeler (USA), Lisa Brewin (UK), Vaughn Chipeur (Canada), Natalie Cunningham (UK), Kate Endriulaitis (Australia), Adam Jukes (UK), Eriq Lyons (Canada), Brandee Malto (USA), Lisa Mocchizuki (Japan), Oscar Peter (Switzerland), Philippe

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sound designer who is the youngest person ever to be nominated for the Best Sound Design category. West End production credits include X-Factor – I Can’t Sing, Top Hat at the Aldwych, and Merrily We Roll Along at the Harold Pinter.

Plans for an international tour of Robin Cousin’s Ice will be announced this year.

Robin Cousins’ Ice comes to the Brighton Centre, Wednesday 22 January 2014–Saturday 1 February 2014.

8pm Wed 22 Jan; 2pm Thurs 23, Tues 28, Wed 29 and Thurs 30 Jan; 2pm and 7.30pm Fri 24 and Fri 31 Jan; 1pm, 2pm and 4pm Sat 25 Jan and Sat 1 Feb;, 1pm and 4pm Sun 26 Jan and Sun 2 Feb; no shows Mon 27 Jan. £11.25–£42.50, www.brightoncentre.co.uk www.robincousinsice.com

www.twitter.com/robincousinsice www.facebook.com/RobinCousinsIce

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BRIGHTON WRITES

Andrew Kay

Sponsored by Bardsley’s Fish & Chips

Mortal toil I

t’s a week into the new year as this issue hits the streets, but the logistics of paper media means that I am writing this over nine days before Christmas Day. Madness I know, because right now it would be fun to be reporting on a season of jollity and excess. It simply hasn’t happened yet.

The truth is that right now I can’t see it happening either. With the memory of my father passing on Christmas Eve last year, and now Mum being very unwell following two strokes, it’s pretty hard to get into any kind of festive spirit.

I’m trying as hard as I can but somehow, a week of isolation in either Somerset or mid Wales is not filling my heart with yuletide joy.

What has filled my heart with joy is the amazing response to what is happening to my family right now. My sudden and almost unannounced departure in December required some explanation and, given the constant phone calls to the hospital and to family, I popped a short message on Facebook.

I like Facebook, oh I know it has its faults, but as a means of keeping in touch it is excellent, and I am far more connected now than I was a few years back, especially with people I had lost touch with over the years.

“In the words of the great Freddie Perren and Dino Fekaris, as sung by Gloria Gaynor, I Will Survive” My message was pretty short and explained that Mum was unwell but fighting hard to make a good recovery. If you knew Mum you would know exactly how hard she would fight back. Never one to sit back and let things wash over her, I was impressed to find that two strokes had not diminished that spirit.

My message said the same, and within a few hours the post on Facebook was filled with kind words from friends old and new, all wishing her a speedy recovery and comfort to our family. I was touched, deeply.

Facebook has always been a fun tool for happy banter, but it is also a great way of spreading important news. There are things that I would most certainly not post on there, private things, personal stuff that is not meant to be shared in this way. But there are moments when it serves a great service and this was one such moment.

Who knows what the days following writing this will bring. I know that my family will all be rallying around Mum to make the holiday as normal as possible. I know that our friends will be thinking of us too. I know for fact that Mum will be fighting to make that recovery. She’s already working on that with an attitude that would be a credit to a person a quarter of her age.

I will have spent the weeks travelling on trains, and no doubt coaches, to get back and forth across the country. The Christmas break, which should be a time of rest, will have been, as last year was, one of stress and exhaustion and I will be starting this new year with a massive resolution.

Now I’m not one for making new year resolutions. They seem to be a recipe for disappointment, and I’ll lay odds that some of you who made them just a week ago have already broken them. Such is the nature of the thing, especially if you made them in the drunken revels of a new year celebration.

My resolution is simple: Expect nothing and then everything that comes to me will be a wonderful surprise.

In 2013 I expected that life would be sweet, but it wasn’t, and despite many great moments with friends and family, the year simply went from bad to worse. I’m made of tough stuff though, genes no doubt from my feisty mother, and in the words of the great Freddie Perren and Dino Fekaris, as sung

by Gloria Gaynor, I Will Survive.

Follow me: @latestandrew

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

COMPETITIONS WIN A FAMILY TICKET FOR POSTMAN PAT LIVE!

Everyone’s favourite Postie will be coming to The Capitol Horsham on Saturday 15 February in Postman Pat Live! – It’s Showtime.

We have teamed up with Classic Media and Premier Stage Productions to give one lucky reader the chance to win a family ticket to see this brand new adventure and then meet Postman Pat himself after the show!

Starring alongside Pat will be his trusted sidekick Jess, the black and white cat, and plenty of audience participation and new songs ensure that there’s fun and excitement for the whole family.

For your chance to win, just tell us: What is the name of Pat’s feline sidekick?

T&Cs – tickets not exchangeable for cash or alternative productions

WIN TICKETS FOR RUMOURS OF FLEETWOOD MAC AT CONCORDE 2

This exciting Fleetwood Mac tribute band have played over 500 major concerts to over half a million fans, and they return to the UK this year.

Mick Fleetwood himself has described their work as “an extraordinary emotive performance of Fleetwood Mac” and we are offering you the chance to witness their note-for-note renditions yourself. We have a pair of tickets up for grabs for the Sunday 23 March show at Concorde 2, Brighton.

For your chance to win just tell us: Which original band member has praised Rumours of Fleetwood Mac?

WIN TICKETS FOR WARPAINT AT BRIGHTON DOME

The hugely popular band are heading to Brighton Dome on Thursday 23 January, and if it’s anything like their superb 2010 gig at Digital then we are in for another treat. Hypnotic guitar lines, hazy vocals and high quality musicianship across the board

should create a special atmosphere. To celebrate the release of their self-titled album on 20th January, we are giving away a pair of tickets to their big concert in the Dome’s Concert Hall.

For your chance to win just tell us: What is the name of Warpaint’s upcoming album?

Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN, EMAIL competitions@thelatest.co.uk

with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 13 January 2014.

011_LS660_barecheek_Social Diary 03/01/2014 15:07 Page 3

ONLY JOKING MARCH Brighton is briefly in the news again when a vicar somewhere remarks on its godlessness (again.) House prices go up by seven grand.

Bare Cheek

APRIL Someone has a heart attack doing the Marathon dressed as Deputy Dawg.

House prices go up two grand. The redevelopment of The Lanes hits a snag when the 17th century Puget’s Cottage is accidentally demolished and replaced with a Bistro.

Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

Predictions for 2014

W

ell, ladies and gentlemen, 2013 has been universally proclaimed absolutely the worst year in human history, since records began (even worse than 1347, when three quarters of the earth’s population were killed by the black death), so will 2014 prove any better? We gaze into our crystal balls to find out.

FEBRUARY North street is closed for some inexplicable roadworks that go on for the whole month. The redevelopment of The Lanes begins.

JANUARY The bus company start the year as they mean to go on by putting the fares up 20% and slashing services. House prices go up by five grand.

Six pubs close down.

MAY The “must see” show of the Festival is a loose adaptation of Crime And Punishment, performed in a disused shoe shop. It is crap. Bus fares go up by 30%.

JUNE An obviously-doomed restaurant serving Cajun food opens and becomes the only restaurant in the history of the world to close on its opening day.

Eleven pubs also close down.

JULY On the first day of the holidays glorious sunshine lulls everyone into a false sense of security; people flock to the shops to invest in shorts, sun hats and flip flops, and the city’s café owners and ice cream vendors breathe a sigh of relief.

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The next day it rains for ten hours solid and doesn’t let up for a month.

AUGUST Brighton Pride is largely incident free, as always. House prices go up by another five grand.

SEPTEMBER Work starts on the Brighton Open Air Theatre, but, somewhat inauspiciously, is held off by adverse weather conditions including, but not limited to, hail, sleet, freezing fog, hurricanes, typhoons, and blizzards.

OCTOBER In the comedy festival Jack Whitehall, Dave Gorman, and Robin Ince all provide comedy of an adequacy that has to be heard to be believed.

NOVEMBER A local Bonfire Society get into trouble for their choice of effigy.

The shops all start their Christmas sales on November 1st, plunging everybody into confusion.

DECEMBER The train company decides to close all the tracks for “improvements” over the Christmas and new year period. House prices go up an unprecedented, whopping, ten grand.

Bus fares go up again.

Follow me: @MitchellnNixon

this week> Tues 7 Action for Happiness Action for Happiness is a movement for positive social change.

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Vels Trio + Woodland Blue + Philippe Nash + Astra Forward 7pm £3

Thurs 9 Catalyst Club Monthly event which blends the old traditions of a French Salon with debating societies.

8pm £6

Fri 10 Sam Chara & The Love Interest + BobWantsHisHeadBack 8pm £7/ £5

Mon 13 City Of Ashes +The Effect +Trip Hazard + More 7.30pm £4 adv / £6 door

www.latestmusicbar.co.uk 14 –17 manchester street Advance tickets from www.wegottickets.com

012_LS660_hotlist_Hotlist 02/01/2014 10:01 Page 2

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HOTLIST

L7 Hotlist Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk British & Modern European Bardsley’s

Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele.

Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

Fully licensed.

Bardsley’s, 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256, www.bardsleys-fishandchips.co.uk

Coast

Coast is the all new steak and grill house located in the very heart of The Lanes.

Offering 21-day aged seasoned steaks, the best ribs in Brighton, gourmet burgers and roast chicken – Coast is fast becoming known as the best grill in town. They offer great value lunches for £7.95 including a drink, a twocourse set menu from 12pm–7pm Monday to Friday for £9.95, and other great evening promotions. If it’s your birthday you can eat for free! Highly recommended.

Coast, 28 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HL, 01273 723256, www.coastbrighton.co.uk

The Townhouse

At Kemp Town’s favourite restaurant their chefs lovingly create delicious menus using the finest locally sourced produce. They take huge pride in delivering quality food with a warm and friendly welcome. The Townhouse has an amazing location overlooking New Steine and the buzzing St. James Street. You can relax in their bar with your favourite cocktail while listening to live

music. Join them for Kemp Town’s best breakfast every Saturday and Sunday 9am–12pm, lunch from 12pm everyday, and dinner from 6pm. They offer amazing value set menus, lunch (2 course £11.95) and evening (2 courses £14.95), Monday–Thursday, and the best roast in town on Sundays from £9.95.

01273 693216 81-82 St James Street, Kemp Town, Brighton, BN2 1PA www.thetownhousekemptown.co.uk

Chinese Gars Restaurant

This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar. Eat from £10.

Gars, 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton, 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

Indian The Chilli Pickle

The Chilli Pickle is a local favourite with national standing which combines traditional Indian methods with local produce and an individual style. Their ample thalis spice up a midday meeting or a catch-up with friends, while the evening menu offers inventive street food, local seafood and tasty regional curries, served in an upbeat and informal atmosphere. The Chilli Pickle featured in the National Restaurant Awards’ UK top 100 in 2011-12, and scooped ‘Best Casual Dining’ at the 2012 British Curry Awards.

The Chilli Pickle, 17 Jubilee Square, Brighton 01273 900 383, www.thechillipickle.com

The Chilli Pickle Canteen

The Chilli Pickle Canteen

The definitive delivery service from The Chilli Pickle launched this year.

Bold, Indian-inspired design, speciallycommissioned artwork and smart delivery stake out new ground in home dining.

Meanwhile, the menu showcases some of the restaurant’s familiar touches: with regional curries, homemade pickles and chutneys, plus superb ice creams.

The Chilli Pickle Canteen: order online at http://thechillipicklecanteen.com 01273 900384

Indian Summer

Indian Summer has been pioneering authentic regional food from the sub continent for over a decade. The Brighton favourite is listed in the ‘Top 100’ restaurants in the UK by the Cobra Good Curry Guide 2013 and recently

awarded Trip Advisor Certificate of Excellence.

The new lunch summer offering is completed with a selection of thalis and new tandoori roasts on Sundays.

Indian Summer, 69 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HQ, 01273 711001, www.indian-summer.org.uk

Nooris

Nooris Indian restaurant in central Brighton has been newly refurbished and offers a fantastic setting for lunch or dinner. The menu features a great selection of meat and vegetables. A two-course lunch or early dinner is available for just £6.95, and their Sunday buffet is just £5.50 – available 12pm–5pm.

Try their delicious homemade fish or chicken thali; you won’t be disappointed!

Nooris, 70/71 Ship Street, Brighton, 01273 329405, www.noorisbrighton.co.uk

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150

013_LS660_food__food 03/01/2014 10:06 Page 2

ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK

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Food & Drink Andrew Kay enjoys an impromtu solo lunch at The Bath Arms

Pot luck I

n the weeks running up to the festivities Brighton’s potatory establishments were pretty crammed with yuletide revellers, all out to have fun, which mainly means, to get very drunk indeed. I guess with the technological changes seen over the last decade, fewer and fewer will return to the office to have sex in stationery cupboards, a thing of the past (stationery cupboards, not sex) and to photocopy their bums. Although I’m sure that should they wish they will invent some other kind of mischief, and good luck to them I say. dressing and properly crisp toasts. A word to all other This merriment meant that finding a quiet spot of lunch “Given my choice of a restaurants, if this pub can get this dish so right without was something of a tall order. I was caught between mean then so can you. dish that can so often being appointments in the centre of town and in no mood to be Given my choice of a dish that can so often be a let surrounded by people being jolly with other people who, I went on to choose a main course with a similar be a let down, I went down, for the most part of the year, they have simply no time. pedigree. Cassoulet! How many times are we told that the It was cold and drizzling and I needed to take shelter and on to choose a main dish we are eating in the real deal, the proper recipe, the eat, so I fell into the door of The Bath Arms where I had been authentic one? I give up on that and really do not care. In hearing some good reports. It was warm and cosy inside course with a similar much the same way that across Lancashire, hotpots vary and I received such a warm welcome that I immediately in both ingredients and method, so too does cassoulet. pedigree. Cassoulet!” I’ve eaten them deep in southern France and found them relaxed and found a nice corner table to hide at.

I was remarkably hungry as it happened and so when to be dull and I’ve eaten them in Paris and been delighted. the menu arrived I was pleased to see a wide choice of Is there a definitive cassoulet? I suspect not. robust classics from which to choose. But first I wanted a drink, a proper The Bath Arms do a pretty good job and serving it with buttered greens was a drink and a pint of North Laine bitter certainly hit the spot. brilliant match and I guess not traditional in any way, after all, we all know how I have of late rather shied away from choosing potted shrimps. Coming bad the French are at cooking vegetables (I await a backlash from that one). from Lancashire I grew up on these tasty but tiny morsels, and I know that This came in a deep individual marmite and I longed for a wider dish so the preparing them is a time consuming fiddle, but more than worthwhile. So why garlic breadcrumb on top would be crisper and more plentiful. The beans were avoid them? Well the portions I have been served have been so tiny that a superb, rich and sticky in a luscious tomato sauce and there were plenty of few years back they might have passed as an amuse bouche. The message them too. The confit duck leg was good too, simply falling from the bone in is, if you can’t serve a decent portion then don’t serve them at all. So why slippery chunks. If I had one complaint it would be that the big chunk of choose them now? Well I really fancied them, and I am pleased to report that I Toulouse sausage, and it was a big chunk in fairness, was the only chunk and it was certainly not disappointed. The portion at The Bath Arms, whilst not huge, was so good I wanted more. Had I known it was there alone I would have cut it was certainly decent, and the flavour was excellent too, perhaps a little light up and savoured it. I think it needs a whole sausage in there really, but it’s a on mace for my taste, but properly spiced with plenty of sweet little brown minor point and I truly enjoyed my whole meal, enough to say that I will return. shrimps to make me happy. I liked the salad on the side too and the excellent I have recently been in Taunton and for those of you who complain about Brighton’s restaurant scene then I condemn them to a week there trying to find a decent meal. There is of course the much feted Castle Hotel, at the top end of the market, and an excellent Indian called Blue Mango. Outside in the depths of the country there are plenty of decent pubs too but I was amazed to see how expensive pub food is down West! In desperation one evening and alone I popped into a chain restaurant, where I ordered some calamari followed by a chicken breast in gorgonzola sauce with a side of rosemary potatoes and a side of winter greens. The calamari was awful, overcooked and tasteless, the mayo synthetic. The chicken came with mushroom sauce and no cheese so I sent it back. The winter greens came as a tiny portion of French beans, broccoli florets (soggy) and asparagus. Now to my mind that does not say winter greens. I sent them back too, only to be told that they were what had been sent from mission control. The chicken came back with cheese and leeks and was okay, but not great and certainly not a patch on the good fare that I enjoyed at The Bath Arms and a whole lot more expensive.

Hats off to Brighton and Hove’s independent restaurant scene I say!

The Bath Arms, 4–5 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 1HB, 01273 731864

Follow me: latestandrew

Independent or chain? andrew@thelatest.co.uk

014_017_LS660_previews_editorial 03/01/2014 11:59 Page 2

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WHAT’S ON MUSIC CHART, REVIEWS&BOOKINGS

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

8

Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP 20

It’s all change in the chart for the start of 2014 with Dirty Weekend In Brighton claiming the top spot.

Listen online to make a change.

1 DIRTY WEEKEND in Brighton Frankie 2 Kings Of the Wild Front Ear Shop Til You Drop 3 The Black Fields The Fighter 4 The Last Cry Rebekka 5 Tenek No Time For Fighting (JAB EDIT) 6 Hardkandy The Squeeze 7 Longing Sky feat. Julia Fitness The Longing Sky 8 The Cocktail Party Obituary Writers

L7 what’s on Bookings

NO STRINGS

JAMES TAYLOR

PINOCCHIO The Old Market, 30 December 2013 ✪✪✪✪✪

Brighton Centre, 4 October 2014, £52.50, 0844 847 1515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk The American signer songwriter of all the classics is coming to town, whisking fans away from the chill and back to the time these classics first crossed their paths.

LITTLE MIX

Brighton Centre, 6 June 2014, £33.50, 0844 847 1515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk In the US they broke the Spice Girls’ record for the highest ever US chart debut by a British girl group, entering the charts at No. 4.

Little Mix come to Brighton with their own brand of Girl Power.

BEYONCÉ – THE MRS CARTER SHOW WORLD TOUR 2014

The O2, London, 28 February, 1, 2 & 4 March 2014,£16, 0844 826 2826, www.theo2.co.uk Queen Bey is coming to the capitol, playing four dates and putting on one heck of a show. Tickets are like hot cakes, but mighty tasty if you get your hands on some.

GOLDFRAPP

9 Boy Hudson The Groove Ft Ceezlin (Produced By Glitch) 10 Chaos Borne The Moment 11 The Kids Ring Out The Bells 12 Jamie Bilboa Ace Of Spades 13 Running Dogs Rumpunch 14 Pete Gioconda The Time of Great Waste 15 Tenek State Of Mind 16 The Fooley Mantras Best in People 17 Frunt, Bak & Nutz The Rites Of Wolf 18 Black Rooster Black Shag Amsterdam 19 Guerrilla Audio Another Life

Under review

Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 29 March 2014, £18.50/£23.50/£29.50, 01273 709790, brightondome.org Following their sold-out and critically acclaimed European tour Goldfrapp announce a UK tour for March and April 2014.

ARTHUR SMITH: EXPOSED!

Ropetackle Centre, 22 March 2014, £15, 01273 464440, www.ropetacklecentre.co.uk Join comedian, writer, broadcaster, and all-round British institution Arthur Smith and bask in an evening of laughter with one of the UK’s most original comics.

Expect an evening of sublime playfulness, crammed with jokes, anecdotes, short stories, poems, songs and readings.

I

n the hands of Steve Tiplady, as Geppetto, here the Pinocchio story is inventively worked via puppetry and what Tiplady calls ‘object theatre’ where the objects (brushes, saws, teapots, etc) of his carpenter’s workshop are used to tell stories and to fashion characters, along with some neat illusions and shadow play. This version, like the classic Disney animation, eschews the nastier traits of Pinocchio as originally written, but so too goes the Disney obsessions with the nose and the character of Jiminy Cricket, who barely appears.

Tiplady has geared the show towards the very young (4+) but works in plenty of gags to keep adults keen, and purposefully introduces improvisatory elements, in particular engaging the young, although sometimes to the detriment of pacing. Local musician Kate Daisy-Grant live soundtracks the show via a wide variety of exotic and esoteric instruments, and together they have fashioned a highly original and engrossing version of this perennial family favourite.

Jeff Hemmings

COMIC BOOM

Comic Boom is a delight of a comedy night all year round, but the December show is the jewel in its crown. With a back-to-school buzz post Christmas and pre-NYE, there’s an untainted happiness that’s palpable and unique to this combination of Boom and the time of year. Of course, a cracking lineup formed no small part of this, with the always bankable Romesh Ranganathan making a one-off return from his busy TV work to compere proceedings, upbeat and suprisingly affirmative laughter from highly enjoyable opener Mike Cox, top notch quirky and original humour from the strong comic voice of Andrea Hubert, and a boisterous and off-the-wall set from Steve Law amongst the support. Headline spot came from Zoe Lyons, who once again reminded us with her charming and askew perspectives that we take her too much for granted in this city – a real comedy gem we

are lucky to see. All in all, it’d be wise to book next December’s tickets now.

Komedia, 30 December 2013 ✪✪✪✪✪ Victoria Nangle

MIDWINTER CEILIDH

Brighton Dome’s Midwinter Ceilidh was the perfect foil to all the face stuffing and telly watching that formed the backbone of entertainment for the Christmas period. Ceilidh band the Flying Chaucers had everyone on the floor hopping and skipping to a variety of reels and other traditional and new dances. I don’t remember a traditional dance involving heads, shoulders, knees and toes before, but it was better than any aerobics class. A great chance for all ages to get together and have some fun away from the TV screen.

Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, 22 December 2013 ✪✪✪✪ Jenni Davidson

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014_017_LS660_previews_editorial 03/01/2014 13:21 Page 3 Foreste

WHAT’S ON STAGE

STAGE: RUDE PUPPETS, LONG LOST LOVE SKETCHES & FOOTBALL Vibrant Hove is abuzz with the latest programme from The Old Market with new theatre pieces sitting alongside well loved stalwarts, keeping it a hot bed of fresh ideas

T

he Old Market’s Spring programme is brimming with offerings for every theatre fan, as well a plethora of performance concepts that defy genre definitions. Diverse and always engaging, we thought we’d pick out a few highlights for your diary.

WOT? NO FISH!!

Written and Performed by: Danny Braverman.

Directed by: Nick Philippou.

Premiering to critical acclaim at this year’s Edinburgh Festival Fringe, bread&circuses’ new one-man show takes audiences on a captivating journey spanning decades. In 1926 shoemaker Ab Solomons drew on the wage-packet he gave to his wife Celie. Throughout their marriage, right up until the early eighties, Ab had drawn a wage-packet cartoon every week for her. These cartoons, with blistering honesty, through all their ups and downs, chronicled Solomons’ family life. Danny Braverman’s solo show tells the funny and moving story of how he discovered the lost art of his Great-uncle. Wot? No Fish!! is an extraordinary story about love and art, history... and catering.

Thurs 20– Fri 21 February 2014

>THIS WEEK’S MUST SEES The Circus Of Horrors: London After Midnight

Theatre Royal Brighton Tues Fri 10 Jan 2014, Box office 08448 717 650 www.atgtickets.com/brighton Aladdin Devonshire Park Theatre Until Sun 12 Jan 2014 Box office 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk

and The Muppet Show, sure to have you crying with laughter and roaring with joy! Contains adult humour and puppet nudity.

From Brighton Theatre Group: brightontg.com Tues 11 – Sat 15 Feb 2014 IT’S DARK OUTSIDE A part of the Sick! festival, this highly acclaimed production is on for one night only. The team behind multi award-winning The Adventures of Alvin Sputnik: Deep Sea Explorer are back with another heartfelt tale about death, redemption and dementia. An old man wanders into the wild. As the sun sets he finds himself in a surreal western, on the run from a mysterious tracker hellbent on hunting him down.

Sat 29 Mar 2014

AVENUE Q Dubbed “The Musical of The Decade”

by The Sunday Times newspaper, Avenue Q is a hybrid of South Park

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE!

15

Robin Cousins’ ICE The Brighton Centre Until Sun 2 Feb 2014 Box office 0844 847 1515 www.brightoncentre.co.uk Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra Concert Hall, Brighton Dome Sun 12 Jan 2014 Box office 01273 709709 www.brightondome.org

Fringe First, Adelaide Critic’s Circle, John Chattaway Innovation Thurs 17 – Sat 26 April (except Tues 22) 2014 ENGLAND AWAY A new play by Paul Hodson. An upfront, comic play about passion, patriotism and ‘Englishness’.

2001, the night before England thrash Germany 5-1. Four England fans meet for the first time on a campsite in Munich. Drink is drunk, songs are sung, secrets are exposed.

1945, Alf and Ted march through Europe for home, fighting fascism while dreaming of a new England.

LEO LEO is a solo physical theatre piece that challenges our sense of gravity and reality through the clever interplay of superlative acrobatic performance and high tech video projection. Universally appealing to adults and children alike, this is the funny, intriguing and moving journey of a seemingly ordinary man whose world becomes physically unhinged.

From the Edinburgh Fringe Festival to New York, Moscow and Hong Kong, the multi-award winning show LEO is a one man, one-of-a-kind physical theatre piece that defies theatrical convention as brilliantly as it does the law of gravity. Jaws drop as LEO takes “off the wall” to a whole new level.

AWARDS: Best Of Edinburgh, Threeweeks Editors’, Scotsman

Live on stage, stand up comic Eddy Brimson offers a funny, hard-hitting insight on English society, football and comedy today. From the author of Way Out West and Fever Pitch.

Tues 27 – Sat 31 May The Old Market, 01273 201801, www.theoldmarket.co.uk

Follow me: latestandrew

Brighton’s listings in one click: thelatest.co.uk On your mobile: thelatest.co.uk

014_017_LS660_previews_editorial 03/01/2014 12:05 Page 4

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WHAT’S ON COMEDY&FILM, ART&EVENTS COMEDY: FUNNY HAHA Full of funny anecdotes and engaging observations, local compere Julie Jepson serves up a menu of handpicked local comics topped off with headliner Diane Spencer – the queen of X-rated comedy.

Caroline Of Brunswick, Wed 8 Jan, 8pm, £5

COMEDY: 3, 2, 1 WITH FLANGE KRAMMER & RUSTY DUSTIN If you’re after something completely different for 2014’s live shows, check out this character comedy delight

A

t the end of last year a brand new night, showcasing the talents of comic creations, arrived at The Old Market – the brainchild of, and starring, Neil Dagley aka Flange Krammer. Loosely draped over the framework of an homage to the 1980s gameshow of indecipherable riddle clues, what this evening actually presents is a marvellous opportunity for character comics, and other such funny people who don’t necessarily fit the mould of a man and a microphone performing stand-up, to properly show off the variety of ways that can be employed to make an audience laugh.

Already being tapped into

by BBC3’s Live At The Electric, this talent pool is a veritable smorgasbord of sketches, personas, musicians and more that have emerged in recent years – so to have a home in Brighton for the best to gravitate to is a humdinger of a good idea.

Proving that they’re starting 2014 with the cream of the crop, the headliner in January is the incredible Colin Hoult, most recently heard with his own BBC radio series of twisted humour, and recognised from his turn as office bod turned vampire in the last series of Being Human. Joining him is Mark Davison aka Mr Susie, a misguided alien, who has also been on TV in recent times. Add to that resident glamorous assistant Gemma Whelan (Funny Women Variety Award winner and Game Of Thrones) and you get a fair idea of the top calibre of acts you can expect. At such an affordable price too, there’s simply no excuse to indulge in the January blues.

3, 2, 1 With Flange Krammer, The Old Market, Wednesday 8 January 2014, 8pm, £3, www.theoldmarket.co.uk, 01273 201800

COMEDY: LIZ BENTLEY: AAA RATING – AGE, ANXIETY AND ALZHEIMER’S AAA explores a year in Liz Bentley’s life. Armed with a ukulele and Casio keyboard she tells her comedic stories.

Upstairs At Three And Ten, Sat 11 Jan, 8pm, £8.50/7 EVENT: SHALLOW GRAVE 20TH ANNIVERSARY SCREENING & INTERVIEW Following a screening of the delightful dark Shallow Grave (Danny Boyle’s first feature film), actress Kerry Fox, producer Andrew Macdonald and composer Simon Boswell will be interviewed onstage by Danny Boyle biographer Amy Raphael. Presented

by Soundstage Events.

Duke of York’s Picturehouse, Sun 12 Jan, 1pm, £10.75 Liz Bentley Pic: © Ed Moore

EVENTS: BRIGHTON & HOVE ALBION VS BIRMINGHAM CITY The Seagulls turned over Birmingham City in their own back yard earlier in the season and the Blues will almost certainly be out for revenge. Go along and show your support for this first home league game since the New Year’s Day match.

Amex Stadium, Sat 11 Jan, 3pm kick-off, £25/22/15 (under 18s)/£8 (under10s), 0844 327 1901, www.seagulls.talent-sport.co.uk

FILM: 12 YEARS A SLAVE (15) Dir: Steve McQueen Tipped for so many awards it should get its own trophy cabinet, this remarkable film retells the true story of Solomon Northup – a free man duped and sold into slavery, surviving through 12 horrendous years before regaining his freedom.

With much discussion about the nightmarish realism depicted, this is as unflinching as we would expect from the award-winning director and cast. Starring Chiwetel Ejiofor, Michael Fassbender and Brad Pitt.

Released Fri 10 Jan Showing at Duke’s At Komedia, Odeon and Cineworld

Listings Send your stage listings to: stage@thelatest.co.uk Send your comedy listings to: comedy@thelatest.co.uk Send your events listings to: events@thelatest.co.uk Send your arts listings to: art@thelatest.co.uk Send your music listings to: music@thelatest.co.uk Send your club listings to: clubs@thelatest.co.uk Send your gay listings to: gay@thelatest.co.uk

Follow me: latestvicky

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Brighton's very own TV channel is coming to Channel 8. Launch date: 2014

014_017_LS660_previews_editorial 03/01/2014 13:27 Page 5 Maggie Claringbould King Creosote

WHAT’S ON MUSIC&FILM, ART&EVENTS

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by Chelsea Renton. A Brighton School of Art graduate she has been artist-in-residence at Glynebourne.

Pelham House, St Andrew’s Lane, Lewes, 01273 488600. 8 Jan–18 Feb 2014.

12 Years A Slave

FILM: THE DELIVERY MAN (TBC) Dir: Ken Scott Vince Vaughan plays the requisite loveable loser in this comedy about a middle-aged delivery man who finds that the abundant sperm donations he made in his twenties are coming back to meet him and call him ‘daddy’. Learning and growing are bound to be the order of the day.

Released Fri 10 Jan Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

ART: DANIEL YÁÑEZ GONZÁLEZ-IRÚN Author, freelance photographer, translator and visual artist who has been resident in Brighton since 1992, and is currently being represented by the Neue Froth Kunsthalle gallery. He believes in individualism as a modus operandi favouring free action of individuals and artists.

Neue Froth Kunsthalle, 22 Oriental Place (entrance on Montpelier Road) 11 Jan–1 Feb 2014.

MUSIC: WOODLAND BLUE Marvellous folk rock indie band, fronted by Jake Callandine who has a knack for many a good tune. Tonight they’ll be showcasing some new material, including new single ‘Bodies’.

Latest Musicbar, Wed 8 Jan, 8pm, £tbc

ART: WINTER A series of charcoal studies and oil sketches drawn and painted outside on the South Downs and elsewhere

MUSIC: CITY OF ASHES Brooding, atmospheric, emotional and epic, Eastbourne's City of Ashes have the potential to make it big, as evidenced by their debut album All We Left Behind. Support comes Triphazard and The Effect.

Latest Musicbar, Mon 13 Jan, 7.30pm, £4adv/£6

For full details of film times: www.odeon.co.uk www.picturehouses.co.uk www.cineworld.co.uk www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE!

MUSIC: CHRIS T-T & THE HOODRATS Chris T-T talks bears & blogging with Jeff Hemmingas

P

rolific and forever involving himself in music and writing, Chris T-T (Chris Thorpe-Tracey) has been resident in Brighton for ten years, and has just released his ninth studio album, The Bear, on Xtra Mile Recordings, home to a plethora of alternative acts with Frank Turner being the most well known.

“I have a great love for bears,” says Chris, “the last project I did was a children’s record, based on A. A. Milne poems; I loved working with bears then – albeit not Winnie the Pooh though, because Disney owns Winnie the Pooh...” Possessing a punk ethos in his writing and music as well as his approach to making music (several of his albums have been self-released), his lyrics are about telling a story (“I like to shove lyrics in people’s faces,” he says) and invariably possess a directness and honesty, as well as a beautifully crafted fluidity, that has won him many admirers. It’s not so much ‘shoving lyrics into people’s faces’ as providing the very meaningful foundation on which to build proper songs.

But The Bear is also very much a ‘band’ album, featuring some excellent players collectively known as The Hoodrats, and who include Jen Macro, who tours with My Bloody Valentine, and former Brightonian Johny Lamb, who also records under the 30 Pounds of Bone moniker. “It is very much a band album; we played it in a room, and it’s got that band feel. In fact, the band threw off two songs that I really loved – that gives you an idea of the power I gave away. I am so power hungry most of the time, it’s a good discipline to say, ‘OK, I’m going to let go of a whole sector of my power’, because they are such good musicians. I can be a complete dictator the rest of time when I do my own stuff!”

Chris has just finished a residency as Blogger-in-Residence for Brighton Royal Pavilion and Museums. “There is a bear at the doorway of the Booth Museum, the mother bear! I do get a bit squeamish about all the amount of killing that has gone on, but it is a beautiful space, if a little spooky when it is quiet... I was writing a couple of blogs each week and posting pictures; I was able to go anywhere where the staff go, and I sat in a lot of meetings, learning about the logistics, maintenance and everything involved; from restoration to marketing. All that range of stuff within one organisation is really fascinating. There is the new Keep [Falmer], where we had a sneaky tour before it was filled with records and archives; that is an amazing space – that weird juxtaposition of amazing hi-tech equipment in order to store old records. I loved that – it was part of the joy of the residency.”

Chris T-T & The Hoodrats, Bermuda Triangle, Saturday 11 Jan 2014, 7pm, £11

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018_019_LS660_brightonafterdark_editorial 03/01/2014 10:36 Page 2

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WHAT’S ON CLUBS

L7 Bmusic New year distractions

SADE ALI ROUNDS UP HER BIGGEST 2013 CLUB TIMES

T

he problem with Dry January is it seems like such a good idea in December: an easily scaled challenge that will restore balance and vitality to organs that have been shrinking a little with each passing December day.

Of course, by the time you get to about now you start to think, “God, without drink I’m both bored and boring.” Or, “I’ve done a week and a week is more than I’ve done since last January which is in itself a small victory.”

(Though, if you think about it, it’s a loss in every single way.)

Here at Bmusic we care about our constituents, so to put you on the right track and make you forget about the promises you are or aren’t keeping, we’re going to tell you what new acts you need to listen to RIGHT NOW. Like.

NOW. Put the bottle of Advocaat DOWN. First up are the Districts, four American boys who sound like all the altcountry you’ve ever loved. Put Tallest Man On Earth in the tear-splattered brogues Ryan Adams wore when we recorded ‘Heartbreaker’, and you’re there. Their self-titled debut EP comes out in January.

Then we come to MT (standing for many things, apparently). With a Springsteen-indebted ear for an emotive chorus and an appreciation for grouchy LCD Soundsystem introspection, they’ve got a couple of tunes that demand movement of elbows in an upwardly mobile direction. Basically, Districts perfect pop.

We went to see Bipolar Sunshine for a commission, and really weren’t sure on him; all sub-Balearic beats and chorus’s that read like the things we used to write on our pencil cases in English. Live, though, it’s an entirely different proposition. His songs are born for festival fields, and place the spirit of olde Ibiza next to a kitchen sink in the recession. Like Ghostpoet’s younger brother who’s forgotten to neck his Ritalin.

Naked (On Drugs) – Weird, uncomfortable, the sound of really awful nightmares. You’ll love them.

Follow Bmusic over at our Facebook pagewww.facebook.com/Bmusic

W

ell, what a year, 2013 ! Last year Brighton’s nightlife hit an all time record for success in the clubbing industry. With hundreds of celebrity performances, brand new clubs and all new weekly club events Brighton really put itself on the map. This year there are lots of exciting new nights and events not to miss. With even more music artists hitting the clubs you will have to be sure to keep your diary free.

So to take one last look at 2013 here are the 20 best club moments: 1 Rough Copy (X Factor) performing at Shooshh and then getting too drunk afterwards.

2 Seeing Duane Allen fall over the Oxygen sign! I’m sure you have all seen someone do it.

3 The closing of the Honey Club and opening of Shooshh.

4 The return of Lollipop Fridays.

5 The opening of The Bermuda Triangle.

6 A Christmas Eve at Volks to never forget!

7 A so-called professional dancer starting a dance battle and losing!

8 The photo bomber: taking a look back at my photos there is one guy that is in the background of all my pictures.

9 Hedkandi closing down.

10 Devlin getting thrown out of Shooshh.

11. LIFE closing down on NYE. 12 Seeing a girl do the ‘slut drop’ that couldn’t get back up.

13 Romina Callini taking a nose dive down the Oceana staircase.

14 Luca and Leo’s house dance-off in Boutique. And many more dance battles.

15 Ms Dynamite performing at Coalition.

16 K Koke coming to the TUBE before the grand closing.

17 Notting Hill Carnival and the Volks after party.

18 Shelley Langridge throwing up in ‘the professional dancer’s’ shoes.

19 Martha Wells-Deamer getting told off by Brighton security for getting her rack out.

20 Jade White arguing with the Buddies owner about her un-cooked egg!

We’ve all had that argument!

Happy New Year!

Words: David Hillier

@Bmusic_TV

Youtube.com/thisisBmusic

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@SadeAli

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Hello 2014 Kickstart your new year with Wave, your essential health & wellbeing guide, free inside Latest 7 Out: Tuesday 28th January To promote your business in this section call Rachel on 01273 818150 x105 now!

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WHAT’S ON CLUBS

>DON’T MISS< PACHANGA If you fancy something exotic and different to spice up your week, how about a Latino party with mojitos and a vibrant soundtrack of reggaeton, salsaton, bachata, merengue and more? The enticing names of the genres are reason enough to sample the music!

Shooshh, Tues 7 Jan, 10.30pm, £3/Free

19

BRIGHTON NOISE

OLD YELLOW BRICKS Touted by Juice FM as Brighton’s official weekend hotspot, OYB is a fantastic and popular Saturday club night. Previously Conor Maynard’s official tour DJ, the talented G23 mixes R’n’B, hip-hop and garage along with recent club bangers to delight all the revellers.

Coalition, Sat 11 Jan, 11pm, £8/£5

Alastair Reid on this week’s gigs

I

f you've yet to return to work then you must be a student, retired or just damn lucky, so spare a thought for those still reeling from the shock that they can no longer wear a party hat or drink all day and expect to have an income. It feels awful. January is the devil’s month, a near constant-hell of wheezing through horizontal rain, forcing ourselves to sweat through a month long hangover just to return to the state of sorry unfitness we had attained by the end of November.

There are positives though, and 2014 promises to be a bumper year for the local music scene with a wealth of talent coming through the ranks. The unhinged grunge of The Wytches, Kins’s alt-pop, Physics House Band’s prog, TRAAMS’s kraut-punk and GAPS’s folk-tronica are all set to build on an excellent 2013 with new releases, while Sonic Anhedonic Recording Company are continuing to turn out top notch releases, the most recent of which was Eugene Quell’s debut EP, released on a name-your-price basis to download on new year’s day. Quell writes ’90s slacker rock in the mould of Pavement or Nirvana’s poppier elements and the melodies will be stuck in your head after the first listen. With more records to come from Love Among The Mannequins, Chalk and the excellent Bermuda Ern this could well be the year the label starts to break even.

The pick of this week goes to the Green Door Store’s third birthday party on Friday. Recently voted venue of the year for 2013 in our readers poll (the runners up and other categories are all listed on the website), the Green Door Store is the first choice when it comes to interesting and innovative events in Brighton. Whether they are hosting international touring bands, local all-dayers, late night jazz sessions, afternoon barbecues, magazine launches or full-blown discos, Green Door Store make it work. True, there’s no card machine and true, it’s rusty paintwork and cobbled floor can makes it a bit rough around the edges, but that’s Brighton, and that’s the charm. The line-up for this particular night has yet to be announced at the time of writing but we’ve been given the nod that it will be out by the time the magazine hits the shelves and, based on the in-house booking team’s historically immaculate taste, it should be a blinder. Don’t miss it.

FREAK BAZAAR Treading the entertaining line between being too dark or too commercial, this experienced team of DJs play a range of psychedelic and progressive trance. The carefully constructed night features fabric decor and projections and the music steadily builds to a climactic end.

Volks, Fri 10 Jan, 11pm, £5/£7 ABANDONED Like donning black and Kiss style make up? Then head to Belushi’s Below for their weekly rock, nu-metal and alternative night. Expect all your favourite hits from bands like Alien Ant Farm, Nirvana, Thin Lizzy etc.

Belushi’s Below, Fri 10 Jan, 10pm, £3/£2

Eugene Quell

Pic Tom Scrace

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wedding special

Love story We love a good wedding but a lot of preparation goes into planning the perfect day. Latest 7’s wedding special is the essential guide to organising your dream day.

Calling all bridal boutiques, photographers, florists, jewellers and venues To promote your business in this section call Rachel on 01273 818150 x105 now!

Latest 7 wedding special: out February 2014

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STARS | TV

STARS

L7 TV Your weekly TV guide 87 – 13 JANUARY

With Val Aviv

★ARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

Breathe in that unfamiliar scent of life as it changes yet again. Know that, this is a time of great anticipation, as your life will be taking interesting turns. At work, think only of the team not of the self, as the Sun joins Venus, it is right that your leadership style incorporates co-operation.

Telly Talk With Victoria Nangle

★TAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

Communications are on the up and effective leadership must involve a lot of friendly, light persuasion. Of course, you might prefer to bury your head in the sand dunes of work, but your challenge is to get busy motivating the troops.

★GEMINI {May 22–June 21}

Friends are full of surprises, you can be sure not to know them all as well as you think you do, especially as new friends take centre stage and may be far from conservative. Inspiring? Yes! Conventional? No! Mercury gets your cerebral juices flowing.

★CANCER {June 22–July 22}

From the far flung reaches of your innermost world, immerges an important shift of your consciousness. This has been long awaited so it’s not the energy to idle away without conscious direction. Choose your motives and your ambitions carefully.

★LEO {July 23–Aug 22}

You are plugged into your commitments, with all the focus and determination of a sterling leader. Don’t be frightened of change, as it is likely that under the current climate, there is a deep need for new approaches.

★VIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

A romantic encounter breathes life into a new relationship, or an existing relationship finds that passion is far from dead.

Give expression to those creative urges as it is likely that you can create something of lasting significance.

★LIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

Yes, gravity is a good thing! Especially if you want the words you say to have a long lasting impact. People may say ‘A man who looks to his past has no future’ – people say a lot of things; sometimes reflection makes for a lot of direction.

★SCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

If you’re struggling to find a moment’s peace from the bombardment of communications, social obligations or existential longings, then why not step up a gear? Disruptions may not go away, but who’d want them to, when they’re such a motivating force for your development.

★SAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

Your mind is sharp as an axe, perfect for carving a dent on the material world and bringing something meaningful to fruition.

Learning how to value yourself is imperative this week.

★CAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

Open your heart. While partnerships are giving you much to muse over, there’s more to life than the appreciation of fine art.

Be the artist and realise how you have the power to influence the course of love. With Venus and the Sun in your sign, your charm is magnified – you can’t fail.

★AQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

Sure, you’re wrapping up the previous year in preparation for a fresh start. Love is best behind closed doors in the privacy of your own home, where the magic is unleashed. Chatty Mercury enters your sign this week, bringing extra clarity and a sense of a faster mental processor.

★PISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

Friendships are where it’s at, along with group associations and planning your illustrious future. Creatively you’re on fire, so there’s no point dreaming up small creations, when your mind is able to grasp a bigger perspective. One friend is your lucky star, stick with the one that makes you feel good.

Val Aviv is the presenter for Brighton Lights on Latest TV www.thelatest.tv For more astrological insights and monthly horoscopes visit www.valaviv.com or for a personal astrological reading contact Val Aviv at: astrology@valaviv.com

Staying true?

W

ho didn’t love The Killing? The Bridge was also fabulous. And The Castle communicates such complex political and media-led ideas that its big stories highlight how a simple personal truth can easily become sensationalised and wreck careers. Danish drama writing is rather ace, but after rapidly dismissing the US version of The Killing after the second episode for not being a carbon copy of the original – unfair, I know, but dem’s de breaks – it was with a mixture of curiosity and reticence that I discovered that Channel Five’s new series Betrayal was an adaption of another popular Danish series.

I haven’t seen the original Danish series by the way. Unlike The Killing, which felt like a subtitled revolution in my mind, with subtle writing, nefarious sub plots and political in-fighting that orbited the main spine of a murder investigation, Betrayal has passed me by. And perhaps I could enjoy this version all the more for the lack of a comparison. I kept an eye out for the telltale Danish attractions though, and was most gratified to spot quite a few. Themes were running from the offset. Not simply of the title, the evocative ‘betrayal’, but also commissioned for the original “James Cromwell of stale relationships that have run, with the content now being crept up without malice, familial and squeezed is always the most cherry-picked love on all levels and what that into a fraction of the original means in terms of affection, It feels untrue, the speed evocative of shady space. obligation and devotion. That at which our protagonists dip most of us are shades of grey, into what appears to be a paternal figures” never completely black or white. mutual obsession – another Props to casting with this last theme, that also happens to be one, as James Cromwell is always the most photographer Hannah Ware’s latest magazine evocative of shady paternal figures. commission. The slightly heavy-handed manner It’s these complexities that mark out the her husband absentmindedly belittles and ignores Danish influence, along with the absence of two her. These characters are recognisable from the off, dimensional characters on any level of the script. so to see their stories compressed in this manner Stuart Townsend is charming and disarming, does feel a tad jarring.

Hannah Ware is constricted and conflicted. These But it is a quibble. Already nominated for the are the two main people we spider-graph out from People’s Choice Award for Favourite New TV Drama to gather our starter cast of characters. And if you at only nine episodes in, Betrayal has a great cast, recognise the actor playing the damaged Thatcher complex and engaging storylines that work along Junior from somewhere, you’ll never guess where business-, family-, crime- and other-lines, and from. He’s only our favourite alien’s best friend – promises much. Well done Channel Five for picking Elliott from the 1982 smash E.T the Extrait up, building on its growing reputation as a Terrestrial. But don’t let that limit your strong importer of engaging US shows. A great appreciation of his performance of a frustrated message to send out to those who ever doubted heir apparent to a business empire. your programming for 2014.

My quibble, and I can’t even say this with any Betrayal, Channel Five, Coming Soon great authority having already admitted to ignorance of the original series, is that just like with the remake of The Killing, Betrayal feels Follow me: latestvicky squashed. As if many more episodes were

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tuesday 7 Stargazing LIVE BBC2, 8pm Professor Brian Cox and Dara O’Briain are back at their favourite spot in the Jodrell Bank Observatory for the first of three live shows. This time the team’s challenge is to capture the mysterious and elusive northern lights (nothing to do with Philip Pullman’s books). It will look astonishing. Fingers crossed...

The 7.39 BBC1, 9pm Star-crossed lovers teetering on the brink of a brief encounter... or something more meaningful. Carl and Sally are at a crossroads in their romantic dilemma. Nobody put this one on a Scruples card this Christmas. After meeting on their daily commute will they start an affair – they really want to – or can they resist? Concluding part.

FILM: Eragon Film4, 6.55pm Stepped blinking out into the world after two and a half hours of hobbit, dwarves and dragon?

Eke yourself off the fantasy genre gently with this action adventure of dragons, destiny, an evil king and Jeremy Irons doing his level best to look like he slept in that hauberk... whilst kipping down in a ditch. Good fun.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

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ITV1

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Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 11.45 Real Lives Reunited 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Father Brown 3.00 Perfection 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 7.50 Real Lives Reunited 8.20 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds 9.05 Antiques Roadshow 10.05 Britain’s Empty Homes 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Darts: World Championships 4.15 The Great British Winter 5.15 Flog It!

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Britain’s Best Bakery 5.00 The Chase

6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo continues his journey through the North West.

7.00 Great British Garden Revival A selection of top television gardeners attempt to inspire the nation to save Britain’s rich gardening heritage.

8.00 Stargazing LIVE See highlights.

9.00 Stargazing LIVE: Back To Earth Dara O Briain hosts after-show chat, indepth discussion and astronomical trivia, as Brian Cox and guests from Stargazing LIVE are joined at Jodrell Bank Observatory by more science VIPs. 9.30 The Truth About Immigration BBC political editor Nick Robinson examines the public’s anxieties about immigration and reveals the facts of an issue that has transformed British politics. With Britain braced for a new wave of migrants from eastern Europe, a subject once regarded as toxic is now at the forefront of political discussion.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Darts: World Championships – Highlights Colin Murray presents highlights of day four.

12.10am Darts: World Championships – Extra 2.10 Sign Zone: The Midwives – No Pain, No Gain 4.00 Wonders Of The Universe 5.00 Little Stargazing 5.30 Stargazing Challenges

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Val struggles to keep it together.

7.30 River Monsters Extreme angler Jeremy Wade is on the trail of a monster that leads him to the site of the worst nuclear accident in history – Chernobyl.

8.00 Weight Loss Ward Return of the documentary series chronicling the work of the UK’s biggest and busiest obesity unit based at the Sunderland Royal Hospital.

9.00 The Lying Game: Crimes That Fooled Britain Documentary in which top forensic psychologists and behavioural experts look with fresh eyes at some of the most notorious criminal cases from the past 20 years. These include the cases of Stuart Hazell who killed his stepgranddaughter, Mitchell Quy who brutally murdered his wife, and Ian Huntley who murdered two children in a fit of rage.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Keane & Vieira – Best Of Enemies A fascinating study of one of football’s most infamous personality clashes.

11.50 Brian Lara: Sports Life Stories The iconic West Indies cricketer talks about his career.

12.40am Jackpot247 3.00 Loose Women 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

6.00 – 7.35am Children’s television 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Olly The Little White Van 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Eddie Stobart: Trucks And Trailers 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Celebrity Big Brother 1.15 Jungle Babies 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Sacrifices Of The Heart (2007) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Jungle Babies Documentary.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services in the Highlands of Scotland.

7.30 Highland Emergency The Royal Navy races to a teenager at risk of paralysis in the Lake District.

8.00 Gibraltar: Britain In The Sun Observational documentary series following the lives of the natives and expats who live in Gibraltar.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Catch up on the latest events inside the Celebrity Big Brother house.

Exclusive highlights of all the action, arguments, couplings, friendships and conversations in the diary room.

10.00 Autopsy: Michael Jackson’s Last Hours Termed ‘The King of Pop’, Michael Jackson died suddenly at the age of 50. The most startling evidence in his autopsy uncovers the bewildering number of drugs that were in his system, bearing witness to a number of addictions that had spiralled out of control.

11.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit On The Side Emma Willis presents a round-up of Celebrity Big Brotherrelated news and debate.

12.00am Fat For Cash 1.00 SuperCasino 3.05 True CSI 3.55 House Doctor 4.20 House Doctor 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 Wildlife SOS

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 TBA 11.30 SPFL Round-Up 12.00pm FL72 Review 1.00 TBA 3.30 FL72 Review 4.30 TBA 6.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams 7.00 TBA 7.30 LIVE Capital One Cup 10.00 TBA 11.30 Football Asia 12.00am Capital One Cup 1.00 TBA 1.30 Football Asia 2.00 TBA 5.00 Capital One Cup

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Ian has regrets about his past decisions; will the Beales pull him out of his funk?

8.00 Holby City Jac’s delivery date looms. When she starts experiencing contractions ahead of schedule, Jac panics and the team on Darwin scramble into action. After a traumatic Christmas break, Serena returns intent on starting afresh.

9.00 The 7.39 See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Secrets Of The Body Clock With Terry Wogan Sir Terry Wogan discovers why timing is everything as he explores the human body clock, a ticking timepiece that lives in our brain and controls the daily rhythms of our body with the outside world.

Many people are completely unaware of it, and have no idea there is an optimum time for everything - from driving safely to exercising, and even visiting the dentist.

11.15 FILM: Insomnia (2002) Starring Al Pacino, Robin Williams, Martin Donovan, Hilary Swan. Crime drama about a veteran LAPD detective who journeys to a small Alaskan town with his partner to investigate the murder of a 17-year-old girl.

1.10am Weatherview 1.15 News

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 According To Jim 6.35 According To Jim 7.00 Will And Grace 7.25 Will And Grace 7.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.25 Frasier (x3) 11.00 Building The Dream 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Come Dine With Me 2.10 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Theresa’s world is turned upside down when an old face returns.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Location, Location, Location Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer are in urban East London and the rural Essex countryside, helping two couples find their dream home.

9.00 The Taste Cookery competition hosted by Nigella Lawson, Ludo Lefebvre and Anthony Bourdain. In the first episode, the mentors sample the cooking of 25 hopefuls, ranging from talented amateurs to professionals from some of Britain’s best restaurants.

10.00 Ramsays Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon heads to Norwalk, Ohio, in America’s farming heartland, for the first of two visits to the Mill Street Bistro. There he encounters Joe Nagy, one of the most pretentious restaurant owners he has ever met.

11.00 Secrets Of The Scammers Documentary revealing the tricks of a trade.

12.00am PokerStars.com European Poker Tour 12.55 KOTV Boxing Weekly 1.25 KOTV Boxing Weekly 2.20 Alex Brooker: My Perfect Body 3.15 How Not To Get Old 4.10 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 5.10 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 5.15 Deal Or No Deal

Sky Sports 2 7.30am Ashes Breakfast – Live 8.30 LIVE Big Bash Cricket 12.00pm The Ashes Highlights 1.00 The Sky Sports Years 2.00 The Ashes Highlights 3.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.00 The Ashes Highlights 5.00 BWF Badminton Super Series 6.00 The Ashes Highlights 7.00 PGA Tour Golf 8.00 The Ashes Highlights 9.00 Cricket: The Ashes Verdict 10.00 BWF Badminton Super Series 11.00 The Ashes Extra – Live 12.00am Cricket: The Ashes Verdict 1.00 Big Bash Cricket 4.30 Football Asia

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Close 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 The Ashes Highlights 10.00 The Sky Sports Years 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Sporting Greats 12.00pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 Big Bash Cricket 4.30 Sporting Greats 5.00 TBA 10.00 Poker – 100 Greatest Moments 11.00 Weber Cup Tenpin Bowling 12.00am TBA 1.00 World Match Racing Tour 2.00 Poker – 100 Greatest Moments 3.00 Capital One Cup 4.00 TBA 5.00 Weber Cup Tenpin Bowling

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 4.00 Harrow: A Very British School 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 A League Of Their Own (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains 9.00 Cop Squad 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 A League Of Their Own (x2) 1.00am An Idiot Abroad

7.00pm Top Gear 8.05 FILM: Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull (2008) 10.00 Bad Education 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Russell Howard’s Good News (x2) 1.30 Bad Education 2.00 The Truth About Skunk 3.00 Bluestone 42

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Orangutan Diary 8.00 Stories From The Dark Earth: Meet The Ancestors Revisited 9.00 God’s Cadets: Joining The Salvation Army 10.30 The Many Faces Of Les Dawson 11.30 Endeavour: Everest Without Oxygen 12.20am The Code Of Life: Great Scientists In Their Own Words

2.00pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 4.10 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 FILM: GoldenEye (1995) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am FILM: No Reservations (2007)

11.55am Wycliffe 1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 The Royal 3.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.20 Fresh Fields 4.55 Man About The House 5.25 George And Mildred 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Midsomer Murders 10.00 Trial And Retribution 11.00 The Vice 12.15am Goodnight Mister Tom

2.00pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 3.00 Rude(ish) Tube (x2) 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 FILM: Ice Age (2002) 9.35 Rude Tube: Welcome To 2014 11.40 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.40am Revenge

11.40am FILM: Santa Fe Passage (1954) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Four Rooms 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.45 A Place In The Sun 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Double Your House For Half The Money 10.00 The 12-Year-Old Lifer 11.15 Embarrassing Bodies 12.20am Nashville

11.00am The Black Knight (1954) 12.45pm The Violent Men (1955) 2.40 A Town Like Alice (1956) 5.00 King Solomon’s Mines (1985) 6.55 Eragon (2006). See highlights. 9.00 Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer (2007) 10.45 12 Years A Slave Interview 10.55 Hunger (2008) 12.50am Black Book (2006)

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wednesday 8 Midsomer Murders ITV1, 8pm You know when you discover a medieval fresco in the village church crypt? No one really expects it to be an instruction manual for the next serial killer.

If they did it would probably end Tony Robinson’s excavation career. Barnaby and Nelson are on the case, as the village prepares for storms ahead.

Celebrity Big Brother: Live Eviction Channel Five, 9pm Ever envied the freedom celebrities seem to have? Broken up with a boyfriend? Jet off to a Spanish island with half a dozen best mates, just like that. Don’t know how to diet? Employ a personal chef. Now you have the power as the public’s vote determines who will be evicted.

The Tomorrow People E4, 9pm Remember the original? Okay, remember the hype around the original? That’s more like it.

This US remake of the sci-fi drama series starts with Stephen Jameson teleporting in his sleep and hearing voices. He’s an outcast at school and ends up following the instructions of the voices to reveal a whole lot more.

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BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 11.45 Real Lives Reunited 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Father Brown 3.00 Perfection 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 7.45 Real Lives Reunited 8.15 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds 9.00 Great Continental Railway Journeys 10.00 Kangaroo Dundee 10.30 See Hear 11.00 BBC News 11.30 Daily Politics 1.00pm Darts: World Championships 4.15 The Great British Winter 5.15 Flog It!

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Britain’s Best Bakery 5.00 The Chase

6.10am According To Jim 6.35 According To Jim 7.00 Will And Grace 7.25 Will And Grace 7.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.25 Frasier 9.55 Frasier 10.30 Frasier 11.00 Building The Dream 12.00pm Channel 4 News 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.40 Come Dine With Me 2.10 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Capital One Cup 10.00 TBA 1.00pm Capital One Cup 2.00 TBA 2.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams 3.00 TBA 7.00 LIVE Capital One Cup 10.00 What’s The Story?

11.00 TBA 12.00am Capital One Cup 1.00 TBA 3.00 What’s The Story?

4.00 Capital One Cup 5.00 Close

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 8.00 EastEnders There is trouble brewing at the Branning house, but Lauren is surprised when some words of wisdom come from an unlikely source.

8.30 Waterloo Road The school drama returns, and chaos descends when what appears to be a masked intruder disrupts the start-ofterm assembly.

9.30 Live At The Apollo Jack Whitehall presents a selection of North America’s finest comics, with stand-up performances from Canadian comedian Katherine Ryan and American comedy legend Rich Hall.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker asks the questions to captains Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell and their team of sporting celebrities.

11.05 The League Cup Show Manish Bhasin introduces extended highlights.

11.50 FILM: Mimic (1997) Starring Mira Sorvino, Jeremy Northam, Josh Brolin, Giancarlo Giannini. Sci-fi thriller which blends a dark allegory about the perils of genetic manipulation with a relentless subterranean horror story.

1.25am Weatherview 1.30 News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo continues his journey through the North West of England.

7.00 Great British Garden Revival Diarmuid Gavin wants to use glasshouses to restore a sense of adventure, flair and excitement to gardens.

8.00 Stargazing LIVE Brian Cox and Dara O Briain host the second night of their three-day stargazing extravaganza from Jodrell Bank Observatory, where they are joined by two generations of astronauts.

9.00 Stargazing LIVE: Back To Earth Dara O Briain hosts after-show chat, in-depth discussion and astronomical trivia.

9.30 The Hidden World Of Britain’s Immigrants Foreign correspondent Fergal Keane finds out what life is really like for a group of illegal immigrants struggling to survive on Britain’s streets.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Darts: World Championships – Highlights Colin Murray presents highlights of day five at the 2014 BDO World Professional Darts Championships in Frimley Green.

12.10am Darts: World Championships – Extra 2.10 Sign Zone: See Hear 4.00 Orbit: Earth’s Extraordinary Journey 5.00 The Bloodhound Adventure

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Olly The Little White Van 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Celebrity Big Brother 1.15 Jungle Babies 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: ‘Til Lies Do Us Part (2007) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Jungle Babies Documentary series about two families of tarsiers in the wooded regions of south east Asia.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 The World’s Biggest Bomb: Revealed The story of the Cold War nuclear arms race is a chilling tale of political pressure, secret scientific experimentation and terrifying, unexpected results.

8.00 Bigger Big Body Squad Documentary series following teams of medical and service personnel tasked with looking after and moving the severely obese. A fire crew are forced to reduce a car to scrap metal to extract a 30-stone driver from a crashed car.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother: Live Eviction See highlights.

10.30 Hens Behaving Badly Documentary series exploring the British hen party phenomenon. A hen night turns into a cat fight when Leeds lass Gemma invites her longlost sister and future mother-in-law.

11.30 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit On The Side Rylan Clark presents a round-up of Celebrity Big Brotherrelated news and debate 12.20am The Big Game 1.15 SuperCasino 3.05 True CSI 3.55 House Doctor 4.20 House Doctor 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 Wildlife SOS

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Val’s secret causes Diane to suspect she is having an affair. Alicia resolves to give Leyla one last chance. Ruby is overwhelmed by her family’s support.

7.30 Coronation Street Tina gives Peter an ultimatum.

Is Michelle testing Steve? Roy’s strawberries are a hit with Hayley.

8.00 Midsomer Murders See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The Jonathan Ross Show Jonathan Ross is back with the first of a new series, as he welcomes celebrities and media personalities for light-hearted chat and live music.

11.40 Corfu: A Tale Of Two Islands Fascinating eight-part documentary series which takes a look at this popular getaway through the eyes of the people who holiday there, and the many who make their living through tourism on the island. In the first programme, we are introduced to Sally who came to work in Corfu as a holiday rep, and now plans weddings for visitors. We also meet a real life Shirley Valentine. Mary travelled to Corfu in the 1980s and is now celebrating 25 years of marriage with her Greek husband.

12.05am Jackpot247 2.55 FILM: Space Cowboys (2000) 5.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Will Finn’s malicious plan succeed or will he be discovered?

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 The Restoration Man Building surveyor Alan and his wife Dora have saved a flint mill in Staffordshire but he gets a little carried away by his fondness for old buildings.

9.00 24 Hours In A&E Documentary series following patients at the A&E department of King’s College Hospital over a 24-hour period. On Red Nose Day, we learn how important it is to be able to focus on the brighter side of life.

10.00 Benefits Street Observational documentary series revealing the reality of life on benefits. The locals face a number of challenges as they struggle for money, including bringing up children in poverty, illiteracy, low levels of education, drug and alcohol dependency and crime.

11.05 Secrets Of The Living Dolls Documentary that delves into the secretive world of ‘female masking’, where men transform their appearance – and gender – by dressing up in elaborate rubber suits.

12.05am Launched At Red Bull Studios 12.30 FILM: Serpico (1973) 2.45 FILM: The Bad And The Beautiful (1952) 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.35 Hugh’s 3 Good Things 5.45 Baking Mad With Eric Lanlard

Sky Sports 2 8.30am Big Bash Cricket 12.00pm The Ashes Highlights 1.00 Cricket: The Ashes Verdict 2.00 BWF Badminton Super Series 3.00 Capital One Cup 4.00 TBA 5.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 TBA 11.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams 11.30 Football Asia 12.00am Spanish Football 12.15 Spanish Football 12.30 Spanish Football 12.45 Spanish Football 1.00 Big Bash Cricket 4.30 Sporting Greats 5.00 What’s The Story?

Sky Sports 3 7.00am WWE Vintage 8.00 TBA 9.00 BWF Badminton Super Series 10.00 World Match Racing Tour 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams 12.00pm BWF Badminton Super Series 1.00 Big Bash Cricket 4.30 Sporting Greats 5.00 BWF Badminton Super Series 6.00 World Pool Masters 7.00 Big Bash Cricket 10.30 Sporting Greats 11.00 TBA 12.00am World Match Racing Tour 1.00 Watersports World 2.00 World Pool Masters 3.00 TBA 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 World Pool Masters

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BBC4

ITV2

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2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 4.00 Harrow: A Very British School 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 A League Of Their Own (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Ashley Banjo’s Big Town Dance 9.00 Mad Dogs: The Finale (x2) 11.00 A League Of Their Own (x2) 1.00am An Idiot Abroad

7.00pm World’s Craziest Fools 7.30 Top Gear 8.30 Would I Lie To You? 9.00 FILM: Die Hard With A Vengeance (1995) 11.00 EastEnders 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am American Dad! (x2) 1.00 World’s Craziest Fools 1.30 Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 2.30 Would I Lie To You? 3.00 Bluestone 42

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Orangutan Diary 8.00 Rome’s Lost Empire 9.30 Hurricanes And Heatwaves: The Highs And Lows Of British Weather 10.30 Horizon: Global Weirding 11.30 Endeavour: Everest By Canoe 12.15am Krakatoa Revealed 1.05 Rome’s Lost Empire 2.35 Hurricanes And Heatwaves:

4.10pm Real Housewives Of Orange County 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Benidorm 10.00 The Magaluf Weekender 11.00 Fake Reaction 11.50 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.45am The Magaluf Weekender

11.50am Wycliffe 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 The Royal 3.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.15 Fresh Fields 4.50 Man About The House 5.20 George And Mildred 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 FILM: Larry Crowne (2011) 10.00 A Mother’s Son 11.00 The Vice 12.15am Prime Suspect

5.00pm How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 The Tomorrow People. See highlights. 10.00 FILM: Final Destination 3 (2006) 11.50 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.50am The Inbetweeners Top 10

11.40am FILM: Carry On Spying (1964) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Four Rooms 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.45 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Jamie’s Money Saving Meals 10.00 Bin Laden: Shoot To Kill 11.45 Embarrassing Bodies 12.50am Nashville

11.00am Operation Pacific (1951) 1.10pm Jesse James (1939) 3.20 Carry On Sergeant (1958) 5.00 Gambit (1966) 7.10 Addams Family Values (1993) 9.00 Keeping Mum (2005) 11.05 Black Pond (2011) 12.50am Volver (2005) 3.20 Close

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thursday 9 Birds Of A Feather ITV1, 8.30pm After the succes of the stage revival sisters Sharon and Tracey, along with their decadently debauched neighbour Dorian returned last week with a brand new series of the Essex comedy.

It would seem that Dor’s lifestyle is having some tweaks and a job might be on the horizon, along with a designer boot sale.

Charlie Brooker’s Weekly Wipe BBC2, 10pm Finding the week’s proceedings a wash of post Crimbo greyness?

Poke it with the stick that is Charlie Brooker’s Weekly Wipes, taking satirical swipes at topical things. With a mix of guests including Doug Stanhope and a few surprises, this will be trending on Twitter from the start.

Fake Reaction ITV2, 10pm There was a game many of us used to play when we were kids: all you had to do was keep a straight face while your mates tried to make you laugh or squirm. That’s what Fake Reaction is all about. Hosted by Matt Edmondson, with team captains Joe Swash and Ellie Taylor, who will lose and flinch?

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 11.45 Real Lives Reunited 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Father Brown 3.00 Perfection 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 7.50 Real Lives Reunited 8.20 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds 9.05 Tudor Monastery Farm 10.05 Kangaroo Dundee 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Darts: World Championships 4.15 The Great British Winter 5.15 Flog It!

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Britain’s Best Bakery 5.00 The Chase

6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo begins this leg of his journey from Manchester to Chesterfield.

7.00 Great British Garden Revival Charlie Dimmock campaigns to put ponds back in gardens.

8.00 Stargazing LIVE Brian Cox and Dara O Briain raise the stakes in the final night of their astronomy extravaganza, and reveal the results of their viewers’ challenge to find undiscovered galaxies.

9.00 Stargazing LIVE: Back To Earth Dara O Briain hosts after-show chat, in-depth discussion and astronomical trivia.

9.30 QI Quiz show. In a special show to celebrate the Cultural Olympiad, Stephen Fry investigates the Immortal Bard with Sue Perkins, Bill Bailey, David Mitchell and Alan Davies.

10.00 Charlie Brooker’s Weekly Wipe See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Darts: World Championships – Highlights Colin Murray presents highlights of the first two quarter-finals at the 2014 BDO World Professional Darts Championships.

12.10am Darts: World Championships – Extra 2.10 Sign Zone: Iceland Foods: Life In The Freezer Cabinet 4.00 Science Britannica – Learning Zone 5.00 Cracking The Code

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Got Thin, Got Fat Again 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Celebrity Big Brother: Live Eviction 1.15 Jungle Babies 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Stolen Innocence (2007) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Jungle Babies Documentary.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 World’s Busiest Hotel Documentary going behind the scenes at the Venetian Palazzo hotel in Las Vegas, which needs millions of visitors a year to survive.

8.00 World’s Worst Holiday Horrors Documentary series in which holidaymakers capture the moment their dream holiday becomes a nightmare. A relaxing cruise around Liverpool’s world-famous Albert Dock leaves one family fighting for survival.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Catch up on the latest events inside the Celebrity Big Brother house. Exclusive highlights of all the action, arguments, couplings, friendships and conversations in the diary room.

10.00 Botched Up Bodies Documentary series featuring victims of dodgy cosmetic surgery as they undergo corrective treatment.

Examples include Shenise, who went technically blind after forking out £8,000 to have her eye colour changed in Panama.

11.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit On The Side Emma Willis presents a round-up of Celebrity Big Brother-related news and debate.

12.00am SuperCasino 3.05 True CSI 3.55 House Doctor 4.20 House Doctor 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 Wildlife SOS

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Capital One Cup 10.00 TBA 1.00pm Capital One Cup 2.00 Sporting Greats 2.30 TBA 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 TBA 11.00 Ringside 12.00am NFL: A Football Life 1.00 TBA 3.00 Ringside 4.00 TBA 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Close

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Johnny explodes when he sees some of the locals leering at his mum.

8.00 Dolphins – Spy In The Pod Remote-controlled Spy Creatures reveal dolphins as never before, as we meet the orca and discover the intimacy of its remarkable family life.

9.00 Silent Witness This episode of the crime drama sees Nikki delivering ground-breaking testimony in the high-profile appeal court case of David Bennetto, a convicted killer who has spent the last six years behind bars for the murder of two gay teenagers. But bitter DI Rachel Klein remains unconvinced that she caused a miscarriage of justice and cannot hide her contempt, especially when another young man is found dead bearing the same hallmarks of the previous murders.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby presents the topical debate from London.

11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil, with Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott.

12.20am Skiing Weatherview 12.25 BBC News

6.10am According To Jim 6.35 According To Jim 7.00 Will And Grace 7.25 Will And Grace 7.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.20 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.25 Frasier 9.55 Frasier 10.30 Frasier 11.00 Building The Dream 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.35 Come Dine With Me 2.10 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks John Paul unveils Nana McQueen’s attacker.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny Series examining issues around weight, food and body image.

Caribbean chef and cheese addict Gary Tomlin swaps diets with Amy Simons. Dr Christian visits Las Vegas, the heart of where it is all going wrong with food in the USA. 9.00 The Undateables Uplifting series following people with a variety of disabilities as they look for love.

Mary is a 44-year-old mature student with achondroplasia who has represented Team GB in the Dwarf Games. Will her 16-year-old son approve of personal trainer Jet? 10.00 What Happens In Sunny Beach Documentary series following hedonistic young Brits as they spend their summer holidays at Sunny Beach in Bulgaria. The first episode takes a look into the secret world of the young Brits working in Sunny Beach for the summer.

11.05 24 Hours In A&E Documentary series following patients at A&E. 12.00am One Born Every Minute 1.00 Ramsays Kitchen Nightmares USA 1.55 The Fat Fighters 2.50 Food Unwrapped Diet Special 3.45 Deal Or No Deal 4.40 Countdown 5.25 Baking Mad With Eric Lanlard 5.50 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Alicia has a shock when she goes to meet Leyla.

7.30 Is Britain Back In Business?: Tonight Tens of thousands of manufacturing jobs could return to the UK over the next decade, thanks to rising costs overseas. Tonight’s programme speaks to cushion maker Tony Caldeira, who closed one of his UK factories a decade ago and moved production to China. He is now reversing that decision.

8.00 Emmerdale Alicia and Leyla are caught up in a police raid.

8.30 Birds Of A Feather See highlights.

9.00 Benidorm Cocktail waiter Jason Gallagher turns up at the Solana looking for bar work. Mateo jealously tells him there are no jobs available, but when he skives off, Jason hops over the bar and attracts a crowd with his spectacular cocktail making.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The Brits Are Coming Nick Grimshaw reveals the nominees for the Brit Awards 2014.

11.35 Weight Loss Ward Return of the documentary series chronicling the work of the UK’s biggest and busiest obesity unit.

12.30am Jackpot247 3.00 Is Britain Back In Business?: Tonight 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Sky Sports 2 7.00am Capital One Cup 8.00 TBA 8.30 LIVE Big Bash Cricket 12.00pm What’s The Story? 1.00 World Pool Masters 2.00 TBA 4.00 What’s The Story? 5.00 Capital One Cup 6.00 Ringside Special - Evander Holyfield 7.00 TBA 10.00 WWE: Late Night Raw 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 Big Bash Cricket 4.30 Sporting Greats 5.00 World Pool Masters

Sky Sports 3 6.00am TBA 7.00 WWE: Experience 8.00 TBA 9.00 What’s The Story?

10.00 Watersports World 11.00 Racing News 11.30 TBA 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Big Bash Cricket 4.30 Sporting Greats 5.00 WWE Vintage 6.00 TBA 6.30 Big Bash Cricket 10.00 TBA 1.00am Ringside 2.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

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BBC4

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3.00pm Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 4.00 Harrow: A Very British School 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 A League Of Their Own (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Inside RAF Brize Norton 9.00 David Attenborough’s Natural History Museum Alive 10.30 A League Of Their Own (x3) 1.00am An Idiot Abroad

7.00pm Winter Wipeout 8.00 Motorway Cops 9.00 Tough Young Teachers 10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Tough Young Teachers 1.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 2.00 Bluestone 42 (x2) 3.00 Tough Young Teachers

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Top Of The Pops: 1979 8.00 Cleopatra: Portrait Of A Killer 9.00 Treasures Of Ancient Egypt 10.00 Lost Land Of The Volcano 11.00 The Other Pompeii: Life And Death In Herculaneum 12.00am Stories From The Dark Earth: Meet The Ancestors Revisited 1.00 Top Of The Pops: 1979

4.10pm The Real Housewives Of Orange County 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Tricked 10.00 Fake Reaction. See highlights. 10.50 FILM: Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) 1.00am Two And A Half Men (x2)

10.50am Murder, She Wrote 11.45 Wycliffe 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 The Royal 3.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.15 Fresh Fields 4.50 Man About The House 5.20 George And Mildred 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 A Touch Of Frost 10.00 A Mother’s Son 11.00 The Vice 12.15am A Touch Of Frost

3.00pm Rude(ish) Tube (x2) 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Inbetweeners Movie (2011) 11.00 Inbetweeners Top 10 Moments 12.05am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Four Rooms 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.45 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 Secret Eaters 10.00 9/11: 102 Minutes That Changed America 12.15am Embarrassing Bodies 1.20 Nashville

11.00am Ping Pong 12.40pm 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea (1954) 3.10 The Tall T (1957) 4.45 Cry Havoc (1944) 6.40 Employee Of The Month (2006) 9.00 True Lies (1994) 11.45 The Hole (2009) 1.35am Parents (1989) 3.25 Close

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friday 10 The Martin Lewis Money Show ITV1, 8pm Martin Lewis and Saira Khan present the money-saving show, keeping the pennies close and the pounds under lock and key for the New Year. Tonight they concentrate on energy bills and finding the best service and tariff for each of us, starting with the workers at the Weetabix factory.

David Blaine: Real Or Magic Channel 4, 10pm Illusionist and man who lies in an ice box over the Thames for ages, David Blaine, returns with his trademark ‘calm’ eyes and street magic, performing it on some of America’s most famous faces and watching them gape in amazement. Look, there’s Will Smith and his family. And those guys from Breaking Bad. Cool.

Born To Be Wild: The Golden Age Of American Rock BBC4, 9pm Time to rawwwk out! Telling the rise and fall of the golden age of American rock from the late ‘60s until the early ‘90s (down with the rock perm!). Featuring bands such as The Doors, Jefferson Airplane and MC5, plus interviews including Alice Cooper, Tom Petty and John Kay.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 11.45 Real Lives Reunited 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Father Brown 3.00 Perfection 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 7.45 Real Lives Reunited 8.15 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds 9.00 Sacred Wonders Of Britain 10.00 Question Time 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Darts: World Championships 4.15 The Great British Winter 5.15 Flog It!

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Britain’s Best Bakery 5.00 The Chase

6.10am According To Jim 6.35 According To Jim 7.00 Will And Grace 7.25 Will And Grace 7.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.20 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.25 Frasier 9.55 Frasier 10.25 Frasier 11.00 Building The Dream 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.35 Come Dine With Me 2.10 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Celebrity Mastermind Actress and presenter Clare Grogan, singer songwriter Newton Faulkner, gold medal-winning Paralympian Richard Whitehead and journalist Quentin Letts answer questions on Doris Day, Harry Nilsson, Tottenham Hotspur and Hereford Cathedral.

8.00 EastEnders Denise is consumed by guilt, but will she be able to make things right?

8.30 Miranda Gary is preparing for the grand re-opening of the restaurant. Putting on his best chef whites, he has never looked so attractive to Miranda.

9.00 Silent Witness Nikki’s professional reputation is on the line in the latest episode of the forensic crime drama, as her romantic involvement with lawyer Greg Walker leads her face-to-face with a raging Bennetto.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show Among the guests on Graham’s sofa are Hollywood giants Sylvester Stallone and Robert De Niro, Oscarnominated British actress Carey Mulligan; and comic actor Jonah Hill.

11.25 EastEnders Repeat of the week’s dramas.

1.45am Weatherview 1.50 News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Great British Railway Journeys On the last leg of his journey from a notorious slum in Manchester to the grandeur of a ducal seat in Derbyshire.

7.00 Great British Garden Revival Sarah Raven explores the relationship between the British and their lawns.

8.00 Mastermind Subjects are the history of the Scilly Isles, Lord Byron, RAF Bomber Command, and the feature films of Wes Anderson.

8.30 Kangaroo Dundee Series following Brolga, a tough Australian who raises orphaned kangaroos in the outback.

9.00 Italy Unpacked Beginning in Liguria, a region bordered by mountains and a beautiful rocky coastline, Andrew Graham-Dixon and Giorgio Locatelli travel along the west coast of Italy, exploring the culture and cuisine.

10.00 QI Quiz show. Stephen Fry goes decidedly kitsch with Sue Perkins, Reginald D Hunter, Jimmy Carr and Alan Davies.

10.30 Newsnight 11.05 Darts: World Championships – Highlights .

11.55 Darts: World Championships – Extra 1.55am Sign Zone: Question Time 2.55 Sign Zone: The Culture Show: Vicky Featherstone - All Change At The Royal Court

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Alicia heads home with a surprise visitor in tow.

7.30 Coronation Street Roy is terrified as Hayley grows weaker.

Carla becomes suspicious as Peter corners Liz. 8.00 The Martin Lewis Money Show See highlights.

8.30 Coronation Street Roy’s mission leaves Hayley amused.

Will Carla believe Peter as he spins more lies?

9.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Mary Berry Piers Morgan continues the eleventh series of his in-depth chat show with a look at the life and career of Mary Berry CBE. The renowned food writer and Great British Bake Off judge talks about the highs and lows of her 78 years, including the tragic loss of son William when he was aged just 19, the strange recipe she cooked up on her debut TV appearance, and how it feels to have found major stardom in her mid-seventies.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The Americans Cold War drama series following two KGB agents posing as Americans.

11.35 Benidorm Cocktail waiter Jason Gallagher turns up at the Solana looking for bar work.

12.25am Jackpot247 3.00 FILM: The Majestic (2001) 5.30 ITV Nightscreen

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks John Paul struggles to come to terms with the trauma he has experienced.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Jamie And Jimmy’s Friday Night Feast Cookery series presented

by Jamie Oliver and Jimmy Doherty from their cafe at the end of Southend pier. The world’s fastest man, Usain Bolt, cooks his Aunt Lily’s jerk pork.

Jamie cooks the ultimate steak.

9.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown Jimmy Carr hosts the famous words and numbers quiz with team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson joined by Miles Jupp and Aisling Bea..

10.00 David Blaine: Real Or Magic See highlights.

11.25 FILM: Saw (2004) Starring Cary Elwes, Danny Glover, Monica Potter, Leigh Whannell, Ken Leung, Shawnee Smith, Tobin Bell. Chilling horror. Two men wake up to find themselves chained up in a filthy bathroom after having been abducted by a twisted serial killer known as ‘Jigsaw’.

1.10am Coming Up 1.40 The Big C 2.35 Don’t Trust The B—— In Apartment 23 3.00 Don’t Trust The B—— In Apartment 23 3.20 How Not To Get Old 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.10 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 5.25 Countdown

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.50 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Bigger Big Body Squad 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Celebrity Big Brother 1.15 Jungle Babies 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 The Mentalist 3.15 FILM: Defending Our Kids: The Julie Posey Story (2003) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Jungle Babies Documentary series.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 Police Interceptors Observational documentary series following the high-speed lawenforcement pursuit specialists of Cumbria. Hayley helps two badly injured bikers.

8.00 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge Robson visits Tanzania, where he competes against world record holder Jason Alexiou, trying to catch wahoo, ruby snapper and rusty jobfish.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother: Live Eviction Emma Willis presents highlights of the latest events from inside the Celebrity Big Brother house, including live coverage of all the drama and excitement as a housemate is evicted.

11.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit On The Side Rylan Clark presents a round-up of Celebrity Big Brotherrelated news and debate in the wake of the latest round of evictions, with special guests, exclusive footage and behind-the-scenes treats.

11.30 Celebrity Big Brother All the drama and excitement of Celebrity Big Brother as it happens.

12.00am SuperCasino 3.05 True CSI 3.55 Motorsport Mundial 4.20 House Doctor 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 5.10 Wildlife SOS

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 TBA 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00pm TBA 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 TBA 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 TBA 6.30 Fantasy Football Club 7.30 LIVE Championship 10.00 Fantasy Football Club 11.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 11.30 TBA 12.00am Championship 1.00 Fantasy Football Club 2.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 2.30 TBA 3.00 Championship 4.00 Fantasy Football Club 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Close 8.30 LIVE Big Bash Cricket 12.00pm Ringside 1.00 TBA 4.00 Ringside 5.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 TBA 10.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Football’s Greatest International Teams 1.30 NFL: A Football Life 2.30 Live T20 Big Bash League Cricket

Sky Sports 3 10.00am Ringside 11.00 Racing News 11.30 TBA 12.00pm Thinking Tackle 1.00 Big Bash Cricket 4.30 Sporting Greats 5.00 TBA 6.00 Ringside 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Big Bash Cricket 11.30 Tight Lines 12.30am TBA 3.30 Tight Lines 4.30 NFL: A Football Life 5.30 Football’s Greatest International Teams

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10.00am NCIS: LA (x4) 2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 4.00 Harrow: A Very British School 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 A League Of Their Own (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Futurama (x4) 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 A League Of Their Own (x2) 1.00am An Idiot Abroad

7.00pm Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes 7.25 Doctor Who (x2) 9.00 Sherlock 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Live At The Electric 12.15am American Dad! (x2) 1.00 Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 2.00 Live At The Electric 2.30 Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes 2.55 Bluestone 42 (x2)

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Proms Chamber Music 8.00 Yehudi Menuhin At The BBC 9.00 Born To Be Wild: The Golden Age Of American Rock. See highlights. 10.00 Jimi Hendrix: The Road To Woodstock 11.00 The Doors – The Story Of LA Woman 12.00am Born To Be Wild

2.00pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 4.10 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 FILM: The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005) 11.20 Take Me Out 12.25am Two And A Half Men (x2)

11.50am Wycliffe 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 The Royal 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.10 Fresh Fields 4.50 Man About The House 5.20 George And Mildred 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 10.00 Scott & Bailey 11.00 The Vice 12.10am FILM: Changeling (2008)

3.00pm Rude(ish) Tube (x2) 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Waterboy (1999) 10.50 Rude Tube 11.50 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.50am Phoneshop 1.25 Facejacker

11.55am FILM: Thunder Over Arizona (1956) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Four Rooms 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.45 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 FILM: Saving Private Ryan (1998) 12.20am Father Ted (x2) 1.25 Nashville

11.00am Guadalcanal Diary (1943) 12.50pm Donovan’s Reef (1963) 3.00 Genevieve (1953) 4.45 Cat Ballou (1965) 6.40 Footloose (1984) 9.00 Ghost (1990) 11.25 Wayne’s World (1992) 1.15am Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter... And Spring (2003) 3.25 Close

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025_LS660_TV_sat_L7wed14apr.qxd 02/01/2014 15:00 Page 1

saturday 11 The Voice BBC1, 7pm New series and new judges, as talent-spotting stalwarts Sir Tom Jones and will.i.am are joined

by Kylie Minogue and Kaiser Chiefs frontman Ricky Wilson.

New presenters are Emma Willis and Marvin Humes, standing in the wings preparing to offer commiserations and celebrations to the singing hopefuls.

Hostages Channel 4, 9pm Starring Toni Collette and Dylan McDermott, and already nominated for a People’s Choice Award Stateside, this new US drama series sees the big boys come out to play in the power stakes. Top surgeon Ellen Saunders is due to operate on the president, when her family are taken hostage. Yikes.

The Bridge II BBC4, 9pm This kooky Danish/Swedish crime drama continues apace with Saga and Martin hot on the tail of the eco-terrorists, who are showing a touch more caution now that they now that they’re on the radar of the authorities. And Saga’s boyfriend Jacob realises that living with her is not going to be a picnic.

sport

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Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 The Good Cook 12.00pm Football Focus 12.45 Saturday Sportsday 1.00 BBC News 1.10 South East Today 1.15 Athletics: Great Edinburgh Cross Country 2.45 Darts: World Championships 4.30 Final Score 5.15 BBC News 5.25 South East Today 5.30 Dynamo: Magician Impossible

6.30am FILM: The Informer (1935) 7.55 FILM: I Married A Witch (1942) 9.10 Life On Earth 10.05 Life On Earth 11.00 Fred Dibnah’s Made In Britain 11.30 Great British Railway Journeys 12.00pm The A To Z Of TV Cooking 12.45 The A To Z Of TV Gardening 12.50 FILM: Summer Magic (1963) 2.35 FILM: The Go-Between (1970) 4.30 Darts: World Championships

6.10am American Football Playoff Highlights 7.00 Trans World Sport 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.30 How I Met Your Mother 10.00 How I Met Your Mother 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.25 The Simpsons 11.55 The Simpsons 12.30pm The Taste 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 4.05 Channel 4 News 4.35 Come Dine With Me 5.10 Come Dine With Me 5.40 Come Dine With Me

6.15 Reflex Game show hosted by Shane Richie. Two families battle each other in a series of super-fast physical and mental challenges, all captured in state-of-the-art slow motion.

7.00 The Voice UK See highlights.

8.30 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins Nick Knowles hosts the National Lottery quiz where two teams of strangers play against each other to complete a series of lists and win up to £100,000. Includes the live Lottery Draws.

9.20 Casualty Lily and new doctor Ethan diagnose teacher Alice with a rare disease, while Zoe and Tess fight to save the life of Dixie’s girlfriend.

10.10 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights of seven Premier League fixtures, including the game between Hull City and Chelsea. The Tigers began the season away to the Blues, and will be looking to exact revenge for a 2-0 defeat at Stamford Bridge. However, Steve Bruce’s side have already beaten Liverpool at the KC Stadium.

11.55 The Football League Show Manish Bhasin presents action from the Football League as Harry Redknapp’s QPR side, favourites for a quick return to the Premier League, visit Portman Road to face another club with promotion ambitions: 1.10am Weatherview 1.15 News

6.00 Flog It! Specially extended edition of Flog It! 7.00 Nature’s Weirdest Events In Florida, fish are walking out of the water, while bees in France are making shocking multi-coloured honey.

8.00 Dad’s Army Wartime sitcom.

Captain Mainwaring and the men of the Walmington-on-Sea Home Guard enlist the help of a recruit with four feet.

8.30 Morecambe & Wise In Pieces: The Curtains An in-depth look at all things Morecambe and Wise. Penelope Keith presents a celebration of those famous tancoloured drapes and that great double act who cross-talked in front of them.

9.30 QI XL Quiz show. Stephen Fry goes decidedly kitsch with Sue Perkins, Reginald D Hunter, Jimmy Carr and Alan Davies.

10.15 FILM: Burke And Hare (2010) Starring Simon Pegg, Andy Serkis, Tom Wilkinson, Jessica Hynes, Gabrielle Downey, Tim Curry. Dark comedy based on the true story of the infamous murderers Burke and Hare.

11.40 Darts: World Championships – Highlights Highlights of the men’s semi-finals and the women’s final at the 2014 BDO World Professional Darts Championships.

12.30am FILM: They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? (1969)

6.00 – 7.15am Children’s television 7.15 Sooty 7.25 Sooty 7.40 Almost Naked Animals 7.50 Almost Naked Animals 8.05 Horrid Henry 8.15 Horrid Henry 8.30 Victorious 9.00 Deadtime Stories 9.25 ITV News 9.30 Dinner Date 10.30 Murder, She Wrote 11.25 Countrywise 11.45 ITV News & Weather 11.55 Columbo: Rest In Peace, Mrs Columbo 1.55pm The Chase 2.55 Boyzone At 20: No Matter What 3.55 Show Me The Telly 4.55 ITV News Meridian 5.05 ITV News & Weather 5.20 FILM: Ice Age 2: The Meltdown (2006) 7.00 Splash! Vernon Kay and Gabby Logan present the diving series under the guidance of Olympic medallist Tom Daley. With tight lycra and nailbiting tension, the celebrities dive live for the viewer vote and to impress the judges, who are comedienne Jo Brand and experts Andy Banks and Leon Taylor. After tonight’s show, two more celebrities will go through to the semi-final.

8.30 Take Me Out Paddy McGuinness continues the sixth series of the hilarious dating show in which he introduces 30 single girls to a succession of single guys. Descending in the love lift tonight are psychic single dad Grant from Kent, bodybuilder Gavin from Belfast, train enthusiast Baffoe from London and children’s party planner Fergus from Henley.

9.45 The Jonathan Ross Show Jonathan Ross welcomes celebrities and media personalities for lighthearted chat and live music.

10.45 ITV News; Weather 11.00 FILM: Miami Vice (2006) Starring Colin Farrell, Jamie Foxx, Li Gong, Naomie Harris and Ciaran Hinds. Glossy update of the 1980s crime series. Florida detectives Crockett and Tubbs are drafted in to help with an FBI investigation into a Cuban-Chinese narcotics cartel.

1.20am Jackpot247 3.00 Ladette To Lady Australia 3.45 ITV Nightscreen

6.00 – 7.55am Children’s television 7.55 Little Princess 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.30 Angelina Ballerina 8.45 Rupert Bear 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 Jelly Jamm 9.30 LazyTown 10.00 Power Rangers: Megaforce 10.35 Slugterra 11.00 Access 11.05 Celebrity Big Brother: Live Eviction 12.30pm World’s Busiest Hotel 1.25 Police Interceptors 2.30 FILM: Columbo: How To Dial A Murder (1978) 4.05 Diagnosis Murder 5.05 Diagnosis Murder 6.05 Mr And Mrs Murder Australian drama series about a married pair of crime scene cleaners who have a sideline in cracking murder mysteries. When one of the two local golf-club owners is found dead, Charlie and Nicola discover that he had been in a dispute.

7.00 CSI: NY Crime drama series.

Flack bonds with a young witness after a teenager is shot and robbed in front of his ten-year-old brother.

7.45 NCIS Drama series. The team goes on the trail of a missing Navy lieutenant.

8.40 NCIS Drama series. A Russian arms dealer is arrested for the murder of a chief petty officer. But the seemingly straightforward case is complicated when the Department of Homeland Security demands that NCIS release the suspect to them.

9.40 5 News Weekend 9.45 Celebrity Big Brother Catch up on the latest events inside the Celebrity Big Brother house.

10.45 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit On The Psych Rylan Clark and Iain Lee present a debate show.

12.00am SuperCasino 3.05 True CSI 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.20 Five VOD Make It Big 4.50 Roary The Racing Car 5.00 Angels Of Jarm 5.05 Hana’s Helpline 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.25 Five VOD The Funky Valley Show 5.40 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am Football Gold 6.15 Football Gold 6.30 Championship 7.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 8.00 Fantasy Football Club 9.00 Game Changers 10.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm LIVE Championship 2.30 Saturday Team Talk 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.00 LIVE Ford Saturday Night Football 8.00 Saturday Night Football – Game Of The Day 10.00 Saturday Night Football – Match Choice 11.30 Championship 12.00am Saturday Reloaded 1.00 Saturday Night Football – Match Choice 2.30 Saturday Night Football – Match Choice 4.00 Saturday Night Football – Match Choice 5.30 Championship

6.10 Come Dine With Me Cookery-based reality show in which amateur chefs compete for the title of ultimate dinner party host.

6.45 Come Dine With Me Cookerybased reality series. In Nottingham, Barry Dickman is last to host and hopes his Greek-themed night will be enough to win him the competition.

7.15 FILM: Crocodile Dundee (1986) Starring Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, John Meillon, David Gulpilil. Comedy about an unconventional, laid-back Australian crocodile hunter who gives an American reporter a taste of his hair-raising adventures. Discovering that the urban myths about her subject are true, the journalist invites him on a return visit to New York.

9.00 Hostages See highlights.

10.00 FILM: Wanted (2008) Starring James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman, Angelina Jolie, Terence Stamp, Thomas Kretschmann. Action-packed thriller. Office worker Wesley Gibson is frustrated with his boring life, dead end job and unfaithful girlfriend.

Everything changes when a sexy and dangerous woman named Fox walks into his life to tell Wesley that his father was an assassin.

12.00am FILM: House Of Flying Daggers (2004) 2.10 Hollyoaks Omnibus 4.20 Deal Or No Deal 5.15 Countdown 5.55 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Sporting Greats 6.30 Ringside 7.30 LIVE T20 Big Bash League Cricket 11.00 TBA 11.30 Sporting Greats 12.00pm Ringside 1.00 LIVE Heineken Cup 3.30 LIVE Heineken Cup 5.45 LIVE Heineken Cup 8.30 Sporting Greats 9.00 WWE: Late Night Superstars 11.00 WWE: NXT 11.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 1.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Sporting Greats 2.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Fantasy Football Club 7.00 Heineken Cup 10.00 WWE: Smackdown 12.00pm WWE: The Bottom Line 1.00 Big Bash Cricket 5.00 TBA 8.00 NFL: A Football Life 9.00 LIVE NFL 1.00am NFL 5.00 NFL: A Football Life

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1.00pm FILM: Neverland, Part 2 (2011) 2.45 Futurama 3.00 Kingdom Of Plants With David Attenborough 4.00 Inside RAF Brize Norton 5.00 All Aboard: East Coast Trains 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 FILM: The Mask Of Zorro (1998) 9.40 An Idiot Abroad (x2) 11.40 Road Wars (x3) 2.20am Ross Kemp: Extreme World (x2)

7.00pm Great Movie Mistakes IV: May The Fourth Be With You 7.30 Top Gear 8.30 FILM: Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (2011) 10.40 Family Guy (x8) 1.35am American Dad! (x2) 2.20 Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 2011 3.15 Live At The Electric 3.45 Great Movie Mistakes V

7.00pm NASA: Triumph And Tragedy 8.00 A Very British Murder With Lucy Worsley 9.00 The Bridge II (x2). See highlights. 11.00 Tubular Bells: The Mike Oldfield Story 12.00am Mike Oldfield: Tubular Bells 12.25 Synth Britannia At The BBC 1.25 Top Of The Pops: 1979 2.00 NASA: Triumph And Tragedy

9.25am Emmerdale Omnibus 12.25pm FILM: Step Up (2006) 2.30 FILM: Curly Sue (1991) 4.30 You’ve Been Framed! (x4) 6.30 FILM: Evan Almighty (2007) 8.30 FILM: Tomorrow Never Dies (1997) 10.50 The Magaluf Weekender 11.55 FILM: The Interpreter (2005) 2.25am You’ve Been Framed! 2.50 Teleshopping

7.20am FILM: Blue Murder At St Trinian’s (1958) 9.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 10.15 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 12.30pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 2.40 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.50 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 7.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 11.00 Prime Suspect 1.15am Judge Judy (x2)

1.00pm Rude(ish) Tube (x4) 3.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 4.00 2 Broke Girls (x2) 5.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 6.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 7.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 8.00 The Tomorrow People 9.00 FILM: What Happens In Vegas (2008) 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 Rude Tube 12.30am 8 Out Of 10 Cats

8.55am Four Rooms (x2) 11.05 FILM: Von Ryan’s Express (1965) 1.25pm Four In A Bed (x5) 4.05 SuperScrimpers 4.40 Location, Location, Location (x2) 6.50 Grand Designs (x2) 9.00 Lakes: Walking Through History 10.00 FILM: Saving Private Ryan (1998) 1.25am Embarrassing Bodies (x2)

11.00am On The Town (1949) 1.00pm The Golden Compass (2007) 3.10 King Solomon’s Mines (1985) 5.05 Night At The Museum (2006) 7.15 Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer (2007) 9.00 Dogma (1999) 11.25 Evil Dead II (1987) 1.05am Micmacs (2009) 3.20 Close

S Ja 6. a Fo Pr Ch De St Ch Le fo Le ne Jo sp sp he th m Ca by am Be in sp ph He Ru Sh Un Sk Te Re af Pr Sa w th sc Liv M Ci

026_LS660_TV_sun_L7wed14apr.qxd 02/01/2014 15:01 Page 1

sunday 12 Dancing On Ice ITV1, 6.15pm The final series, eh? Never say ‘never’, as it seems unlikely you won’t see the skates out again within the next ten years marking a ‘comeback’. Meanwhile, this special series collects old favourites and former winners to compete for our own delectation and Jason Gardiner’s well chosen barbs. Who’s been practising?

Sherlock BBC1, 8.30pm Witty banter and clever texting icons aside, this is always a jolly good yarn with a top notch cast.

Aren’t we lucky? The third and final episode in the third miniseries of instalments sees Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson come face to face with Charles Augustus Magnussen, the uber blackmailer. Nasty habit.

Timeshift – How To Be Sherlock Holmes: The Many Faces Of A Master Detective BBC4, 10pm With over 80 actors having doffed the deerstalker as Sherlock Holmes, what is it that keeps drawing us back to the idiosyncratic sleuth? Timeshift looks at the attraction, and the corruption of the original, with special guest contributors.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Sunday Politics 12.15pm MOTD2 Extra 1.00 BBC News 1.15 Moving On 2.00 Bargain Hunt 2.45 Real Lives Reunited 3.15 Escape To The Country 4.00 Songs Of Praise 4.35 Dolphins – Spy In The Pod 5.35 BBC News 5.50 South East Today 6.00 Countryfile John Craven and Helen Skelton head to Surrey. John explores the countryside beloved by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and gets a sneak peak inside his former home.

7.00 Celebrity Mastermind Four more celebrities take on the Mastermind challenge as presenter Tony Livesey, comedian Ava Vidal, presenter Monty Halls and pop-star turned broadcaster Reverend Richard Coles answer questions on the Jam, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Jacques Cousteau and EF Benson’s Mapp and Lucia novels.

7.30 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the experts head to the University of East Anglia where they are joined in the shadow of the Sainsbury Centre for Visual Arts by large crowds from Norwich.

8.30 Sherlock See highlights.

10.00 BBC News 10.15 South East Today 10.25 Match Of The Day 2 Mark Chapman introduces Premier League highlights, with Newcastle United in action against Manchester City and Stoke City playing Liverpool.

11.25 The Revolution Will Be Televised Satirical series featuring bite-sized comedy hits.

11.55 FILM: Cemetery Junction (2010) Starring Christian Cooke, Felicity Jones, Tom Hughes. Comedy drama set in 1970s Reading.

1.25am Weatherview 1.30 News

6.40am FILM: A Woman’s Secret (1949) 8.05 Monty Don’s French Gardens 9.05 Countryfile 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11.30 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds 12.15pm Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds 1.00 Masters Snooker 5.00 Ski Sunday 5.45 Darts: World Championships

6.00 – 6.55am Children’s television 6.55 Canimals 7.05 Canimals 7.15 Sooty 7.25 Sooty 7.40 Almost Naked Animals 7.50 Almost Naked Animals 8.05 Horrid Henry 8.15 Horrid Henry 8.30 Victorious 9.00 Deadtime Stories 9.25 ITV News 9.30 Dickinson’s Real Deal 10.30 Murder, She Wrote 11.30 ITV News & Weather 11.35 Inside The National Trust 12.35pm The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 1.35 Catchphrase 2.20 Splash! 3.50 All Star Mr & Mrs 4.50 The Chase: Celebrity Special 5.50 ITV News Meridian 6.00 ITV News; Weather 6.15 Dancing On Ice See highlights.

7.45 All Star Family Fortunes Opera singer Paul Potts and his nearest and dearest compete with formidable former MP Ann Widdecombe and her clan for the chance to win £30,000 for charity.

8.30 Dancing On Ice: The Results There is tension on the ice as two couples will be leaving the competition after tonight’s skate off.

Presented by Phillip Schofield and Christine Bleakley.

9.00 All New It’ll Be Alright On The Night’s Best Of The Worst Griff Rhys Jones returns with his favourite selection of outtakes from the Alright on the Night archives.

10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 Birds Of A Feather Essex-set sitcom about two sisters. Sharon and Tracey take Dorien’s designer clothes to a car boot sale to raise funds.

10.45 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Mary Berry Piers Morgan continues the eleventh series of his in-depth chat show with a look at the life and career of Mary Berry CBE. 11.45 River Monsters Jeremy Wade goes to extraordinary lengths in his mission to find out whether the piranha of the Amazon basin is truly the river monster of nightmares.

12.10am The Store 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Will And Grace 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Frasier 9.30 Sunday Brunch 12.30pm How I Met Your Mother 1.00 How I Met Your Mother 1.30 The Big Bang Theory 2.00 The Big Bang Theory 2.25 The Simpsons 3.00 The Simpsons 3.30 FILM: 27 Dresses (2008) 5.40 Deal Or No Deal 6.35 Channel 4 News 7.00 Jamie And Jimmy’s Friday Night Feast Cookery series presented by Jamie Oliver and Jimmy Doherty from their cafe at the end of Southend pier. The world’s fastest man, Usain Bolt, cooks his Aunt Lily’s jerk pork.

8.00 Speed With Guy Martin Series in which motorcycle racer and lorry mechanic Guy Martin explores the boundaries of speed. Guy is on a mission to do the seemingly impossible: fly using muscle power alone. He wants to build the world’s fastest human-powered aircraft that he will cycle into the air.

9.00 FILM: Fast Five (2011) Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson and Chris Bridges.

The fifth installment in the highoctane action film series. After breaking his friend Dom Toretto out of police custody, former FBI agent Brian O’Conner flees with the convict and his sister, Mia, to Brazil.

11.35 FILM: End Of Days (1999) Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Robin Tunney. Action adventure story about a private security guard who finds himself caught up in an apocalyptic conflict.

1.40am Southland 2.25 Coming Up 2.50 How Not To Get Old 3.45 Secret Eaters 4.40 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 5.35 Deal Or No Deal

6.00 – 8.10am Children’s television 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.20 Angelina Ballerina 8.40 Rupert Bear 8.55 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 Jelly Jamm 9.30 LazyTown 10.00 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 10.10 Power Rangers: Super Samurai 10.45 Slugterra 11.05 Access 11.10 Celebrity Big Brother 12.10pm World’s Worst Holiday Horrors 1.15 FILM: Disney’s Holes (2003) 3.30 FILM: Space Jam (1996) 5.10 5 News Weekend 5.15 FILM: Loch Ness (1996) 7.05 FILM: My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) Starring Uma Thurman, Luke Wilson, Anna Faris, Eddie Izzard.

Screwball comedy about a man who must suffer the consequences when he breaks up with his girlfriend – consequences that are magnified by the fact that she has superpowers.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Catch up on the latest events inside the Celebrity Big Brother house. Exclusive highlights of all the action, arguments, couplings, friendships and conversations in the diary room.

10.00 FILM: The Switch (2010) Starring Jennifer Aniston, Jason Bateman, Jeff Goldblum, Juliette Lewis. Romantic comedy. A television producer decides to have a baby via artificial insemination and chooses a handsome and charming donor to be the baby’s father. Seven years later she returns and begins a romance with her son’s father, unaware that her best friend had switched the donor’s sperm with his own...

11.55 Hens Behaving Badly Documentary series exploring the British hen party phenomenon.

12.55am SuperCasino 3.05 My Depression Diaries: Kerry Katona 4.00 Wildlife SOS 4.25 Make It Big 4.50 Roary The Racing Car 5.00 Angels Of Jarm 5.10 Hana’s Helpline 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.25 Five VOD The Funky Valley Show 5.40 Roary The Racing Car 5.50 Hana’s Helpline

6.00am Spanish Football 7.00 Championship 7.30 Game Changers 8.30 Sunday Supplement 10.00 Goals On Sunday 12.00pm Sunday Supplement 1.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 4.00 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Scottish Premiership 12.00am Spanish Football 1.00 Ford Football Special 2.30 Scottish Premiership 3.00 Spanish Football 4.00 Ford Football Special 5.30 Scottish Premiership

8.00 The Tea Trail With Simon Reeve Adventurer and journalist Simon Reeve heads to east Africa to uncover the stories behind the nation’s favourite drink. How many of us know where our tea actually comes from? The surprising answer is that most of the leaves that go into our everyday teabags do not come from India or China but are bought from an auction in the coastal city of Mombasa in Kenya. Simon learns that the industry that supplies our everyday cuppa is not immune to the troubles of the continent - poverty, low wages and child labour.

9.00 Operation Grand Canyon With Dan Snow Dan Snow and his team continue down the Grand Canyon in antique wooden boats as they rediscover one of the wild west’s great adventures.

10.00 FILM: Let Me In (2010) Starring Nicolai Dorian, Dylan Kenin, Chloe Moretz, Kodi Smit-McPhee, Richard Jenkins. Horror based on John Ajvide Lindqvist’s vampire novel.

A lonely boy befriends his new neighbour, a frail girl, unaware she is a vampire.

11.50 Masters Snooker – Highlights Hazel Irvine introduces highlights from the evening’s firstround match.

12.40am Masters Snooker – Extra 2.40 Sign Zone: Countryfile 3.35 Sign Zone: Holby City

Sky Sports 2 12.00pm LIVE Heineken Cup 2.45 LIVE Heineken Cup 5.30pm LIVE NFL: Divisional Play-offs 9.00 LIVE NFL: Divisional Play-offs 12.30am NFL: A Football Life 1.30 European Rugby Special 2.30 TBA 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 European Rugby Special

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Close 6.30 Saturday Night Football - Match Choice 8.00 NFL 9.00 NFL 10.00 Football Gold 10.30 NFL 11.30 NFL 12.30pm LIVE Scttish Premiership Football 4.30 NFL: A Football Life 5.30 This Week In WWE 6.00 WWE: Experience 7.00 TBA 8.00 European Rugby Special 9.00 TBA 10.00 WWE: Late Night Afterburn 11.00 This Week In WWE 11.30 WWE Vintage 12.30am TBA 1.30 Watersports World 2.30 WWE: Late Night Afterburn 3.30 This Week In WWE 4.00 WWE Vintage 5.00 WWE: Experience

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1.00pm Kingdom Of Plants With David Attenborough 2.00 Futurama 2.15 FILM: The Mask Of Zorro (1998) 5.00 Ashley Banjo’s Big Town Dance 6.00 Jordan And Perri’s Ultimate Block Party 6.30 The Simpsons (x4) 8.30 An Idiot Abroad (x2) 10.30 Banshee 11.40 Nothing To Declare 12.10am Extreme World

7.00pm The Voice UK 8.35 FILM: 102 Dalmatians (2000) 10.05 Family Guy (x2) 10.50 American Dad! (x2) 11.35 Bad Education 12.05am Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 2011 1.05 Live At The Electric 1.35 Bad Education 2.05 Rachel Bruno: My Dad & Me 3.05 Failed By The NHS

7.00pm The Golden Age Of Steam Railways (x2) 9.00 Len Goodman’s Dance Band Days 10.00 Timeshift - How To Be Sherlock Holmes: The Many Faces Of A Master Detective. See highlights.

11.00 FILM: White Elephant (2012) 12.40am Born To Be Wild: The Golden Age Of American Rock 1.40 The Doors

12.00pm Take Me Out 1.10 FILM: The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants (2005) 3.30 FILM: Step Up (2006) 5.45 FILM: The Incredible Hulk (2008) 8.00 You’ve Been Framed! Top 100 Holidays 9.00 New The Magaluf Weekender 10.00 FILM: The Butterfly Effect (2004) 12.25am FILM: Duplicity (2009)

8.00am Heartbeat (x2) 10.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 12.20pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 2.30 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.45 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 7.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Being Poirot 10.00 FILM: In The Name Of The Father (1993) 12.40am Cracker 1.45 Agatha Christie’s Poirot

3.00pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 4.00 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. 5.00 The Tomorrow People 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 8.00 FILM: Dragonball Evolution (2009) 9.40 Rude Tube 10.50 The Big Bang Theory 11.20 How I Met Your Mother (x3) 12.50 My Mad Fat Diary

8.55am Location, Location, Location (x3) 12.05pm Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals (x5) 2.45 Four In A Bed (x5) 5.25 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 Secrets Of The Saxon Hoard: A Time Team Special 9.00 Grand Designs 10.00 Father Ted (x2) 11.05 Shameless USA 12.25am Nashville 1.20 Secrets Of The Saxon Hoard

11.00am The Violent Men (1955) 1.00pm Stardust (2007) 3.25 Honey, I Blew Up The Kid (1992) 5.10 The Truman Show (1998) 7.15 Post Grad (2009) 9.00 Coming To America (1988) 11.15 Sixteen Candles (1984) 1.10am No Escape (1994) 3.35 Close

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monday 13 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off BBC2, 8.30pm The Bake Off returns, with four celebrity episodes that see Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry joined by a different celeb co-host each time as they lick their lips in culinary anticipation. Tonight’s cooks are Michael Vaughan, Samantha Bond, Bonnie Wright and Johnny Vaughan.

The Bletchley Circle ITV1, 9pm The codebreakers are up to all sorts as the drama continues.

Following the discovery of Lizzie Lancasters’ true identity the women are in a race against the hangman’s noose as they battle to prove Alice’s innocence. The thing is, this isn’t the only murky shenanigans going in, and darker conspiracies are afoot.

Storyville: Mandela, The Myth And Me BBC4, 10pm South African Khalo Matabane spent two years making this film, questioning those that loved and those who disagreed with Nelson Mandela – from the Dalai Lama to Henry Kissinger. With the film completed in the last few month’s of the statesman’s life, this truly questions the impact of the man.

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Wanted Down Under 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming 11.45 Real Lives Reunited 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Father Brown 3.00 Perfection 3.45 Escape To The Country 4.30 Antiques Road Trip 5.15 Pointless

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Rip Off Britain: Holidays 7.50 Real Lives Reunited 8.20 Paul Hollywood’s Pies & Puds 9.05 Britain And The Sea 10.05 Britain’s Empty Homes 10.35 Click 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Masters Snooker

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Britain’s Best Bakery 5.00 The Chase

6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo embarks on a new journey guided by his Bradshaw’s Handbook from London’s Euston station to Leeds.

7.00 Great British Garden Revival oby Buckland wants to put homegrown fruit back into Britain’s gardens.

8.00 University Challenge In the first of the quarter-finals, two student teams fight it out to reach the next stage of the competition. Jeremy Paxman asks the questions.

8.30 The Great Sport Relief Bake Off See highlights.

9.30 Sacred Wonders Of Britain Neil Oliver uncovers Britain’s ancient landscape of belief and ritual. In the last episode, Neil examines how the creation of saints by the early church led to a new generation of Sacred Wonders across Britain.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 Masters Snooker – Highlights Jason Mohammad introduces highlights from the evening’s play.

12.10am Masters Snooker – Extra 2.10 Sign Zone: Idris Elba: King Of Speed 3.55 D-Day: The Last Heroes – Learning Zone 4.30 Strange Days: Cold War Britain – Learning Zone 5.00 History Hunt

6.00 – 7.45am Children’s television 7.45 Milkshake! Show Songs 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Gibraltar: Britain In The Sun 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Celebrity Big Brother 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Love Begins (2011) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Dex’s premature announcement that he and April are to be married leads to their first argument as an engaged couple.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 World’s Scariest Weather Documentary detailing high octane moments of the most violent and dangerous weather on camera.

8.00 Go Hard Or Go Home Transatlantic yachtswoman Hannah White prepares ordinary members of the public for some of the world’s most extreme endurance races. In this episode, four GPs must train for The Bonebreaker, a 127-mile bicycle race across the towering peaks of the Pyrenees.

9.00 Celebrity Big Brother Catch up on the latest events inside the Celebrity Big Brother house.

10.00 Baby Faced Brides Documentary following couples from different backgrounds who all have something in common – they will be walking up the aisle as teenagers.

11.00 Celebrity Big Brother’s Bit On The Side Emma Willis presents a round-up of Celebrity Big Brotherrelated news and debate.

12.00am Living With ADHD: Louis Smith 1.00 SuperCasino 3.05 Autopsy: Michael Jackson’s Last Hours 3.55 House Doctor 4.20 House Doctor 4.45 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 Wildlife SOS

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Championship 11.00 Spanish Football 12.00pm Scottish Premiership 12.30 Ford Football Special 2.00 Scottish Premiership 2.30 Spanish Football 4.00 Game Changers 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 FL72 Review 7.00 LIVE Ford Monday Night Football 11.00 FL72 Review 12.00am SPFL Round-Up 12.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Ford Monday Night Football 4.00 FL72 Review 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out Former prostitute Ruth Jacobs investigates why violent crimes against sex workers are going unpunished.

8.00 EastEnders Carol has some difficult choices to make when she realises there are a lot of changes on the horizon.

8.30 Fake Britain Special Matt Allwright presents a special investigation revealing that many taking advantage of in January sales purchases they may be unwittingly buying products that could kill.

9.00 I Want My Baby Back Reporter John Sweeney investigates the secretive world of the family courts and asks whether some parents may have unfairly lost their children forever.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Have I Got Old News For You Extended version of the popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop.

11.20 Who Do You Think You Are? USA Actress Christina Applegate goes on a quest to uncover what happened to the grandmother she never knew.

12.05am The Graham Norton Show 12.50 Weatherview 12.55 News

6.30am Countdown 7.15 Will And Grace 7.40 Will And Grace 8.05 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.35 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Frasier 10.00 The Secret Millionaire Australia 11.00 Building The Dream 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Come Dine With Me 12.35 Come Dine With Me 1.05 Come Dine With Me 1.35 Come Dine With Me 2.10 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks As Fraser learns of Trevor’s betrayal, will Grace lose the love of her life for ever?

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Dogs: Their Secret Lives Documentary. Using hidden cameras and a new study from dog scientists, this programme reveals what our dogs get up to while we’re out.

9.00 Benefits Street Observational documentary series revealing the reality of life on benefits, as the residents of one of Britain’s most welfare-dependent streets invite cameras into their community.

10.00 Dave: Loan Ranger Follow-up to the award-winning series ‘The Bank of Dave’ as Dave Fishwick tests out a series of high risk loans for three people who have got into payday loan problems. As his business partners are unwilling to take on the risks, Dave decides to lend over £20,000 to help tackle the payday debts of Claire, Tracey and Christopher, offering them a preferable rate of interest.

11.00 American Football Playoff Highlights Highlights from the divisional round of the NFL playoffs.

12.05am Random Acts 12.10 Speed With Guy Martin 1.05 Hostages 2.00 World Without End 3.30 Secret Eaters 4.25 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 5.20 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 5.30 Deal Or No Deal

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The net closes in on Sam as he is arrested for arson.

David is unnerved by Leyla and Priya’s new friendship.

7.30 Coronation Street Flirtatious Todd oversteps the mark. Roy is overwhelmed as the community rallies.

8.00 A Great Welsh Adventure With Griff Rhys Jones Series in which Griff Rhys Jones explores some of the most beautiful and magical regions of Wales. Today, he is on the Gower Peninsula which juts out into the Bristol Channel. Griff is set a challenge is to prepare a feast for local international rugby hero Terry Davies using the region’s quality local produce.

8.30 Coronation Street Eileen warns Todd to tread carefully. Emily gets Roy and Hayley out of a jam.

9.00 The Bletchley Circle See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: 300 (2006) Starring Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, David Wenham, Dominic West, Vincent Regan and Michael Fassbender.

Stylish historical epic retelling the fierce battle at Thermopylae in 481BC. 12.40am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Championship 6.30 Ford Football Special 8.00 Championship 9.00 European Rugby Special 10.00 TBA 11.00 European Rugby Special 12.00pm NFL: Divisional Play-offs 1.00 NFL: Divisional Play-offs 2.00 Sporting Heroes 3.00 NFL: Divisional Play-offs 4.00 NFL: Divisional Playoffs 5.00 European Rugby Special 6.00 WWE: Raw 8.00 NFL: Divisional Play-offs 9.00 NFL: Divisional Playoffs 10.00 European Rugby Special 11.00 NFL: Divisional Play-offs 12.00am NFL: Divisional Play-offs 1.00 European Rugby Special 2.00 NFL: Divisional Play-offs 3.00 NFL: Divisional Play-offs 4.00 European Rugby Special 5.00 Sporting Heroes

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Close 7.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 9.00 NFL 10.00 Sporting Heroes 11.00 Racing News 11.30 TBA 12.00pm Warren Miller’s Ride 1.30 TBA 4.00 IRB Sevens 5.00 The Premier League Years 7.00 TBA 11.30 This Week In WWE 12.00am WWE: Late Night Afterburn 1.00 WWE: Late Night Raw 4.15 TBA 5.00 IRB Sevens

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9.00am Hawaii Five-0 10.00 NCIS: LA (x4) 2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 Greggs: More Than Meats The Pie 4.00 Harrow: A Very British School 5.00 The Simpsons 5.30 Futurama (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Modern Family (x2) 9.00 Mad Dogs 10.00 Banshee 11.00 Spartacus: Vengeance (x2) 1.30am Nothing To Declare

7.00pm Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes 7.05 Great Movie Mistakes IV 7.35 FILM: Monsters vs Aliens (2009) 9.00 Sun, Sex And Suspicious Parents: Thailand 10.00 Uncle 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Uncle 1.00 Sun, Sex And Suspicious Parents

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Orangutan Diary 8.00 Natural World: Grizzlies Of Alaska 9.00 Icebound: The Greatest Dog Story Ever Told 10.00 Storyville: Mandela, The Myth And Me. See highlights.

11.15 God’s Cadets: Joining The Salvation Army 12.45am Natural World: Grizzlies Of Alaska

2.00pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 4.10 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Sweetest Thing (2002) 11.00 Fake Reaction 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am Take Me Out

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 The Royal 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.10 Fresh Fields 4.40 Man About The House 5.15 George And Mildred 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Murder, She Wrote 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Long Lost Family 10.00 Trial And Retribution 11.00 The Vice 12.10am Agatha Christie’s Poirot

3.00pm Rude(ish) Tube (x2) 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 Revenge 10.00 What Happens In Kavos 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am Tomorrow People

1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 Four Rooms 4.40 Location, Location, Location 5.45 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces 10.00 999: What’s Your Emergency? 11.05 Embarrassing Bodies 12.10am Nashville

11.00am A Town Like Alice (1956) 1.30pm The Tall T (1957) 3.05 The Black Knight (1954) 4.50 Jesse James (1939) 7.00 Bugsy Malone (1976) 9.00 Scott Pilgrim vs The World (2010) 11.15 Snake In The Eagle’s Shadow (1978) 1.10am Heartbeats (2010) 3.20 Close

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