Latest 7: No. 648

001_LS648_cover_editorial cover 27/09/2013 16:30 Page 1

the city & news magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk One step closer Brighton’s antennae for local TV channel Latest TV is up & ready for broadcasting in 2014

★ jobs ★ food ★ news ★ listings ★ tv guide ★

DIGITAL TV FOR BRIGHTON

1 – 7 October 2013

FREE WEEKLY

UP THE ALBION Injuries, autumn matches & a legend in the making

House special Delicious food, great drinks & a warm & welcoming atmosphere at The Townhouse Kemptown page 13

JEREMY HARDY The comedian on The News Quiz, David Cameron & his new show

Two-Course Lunch Only £10 An exciting menu with great new ideas and a wholly different experience 19 PRINCE ALBERT STREET, BRIGHTON

www.gars.co.uk

01273 321321 booking@gars.co.uk

005_LS648_ Wired Sx_Wired Sussex 3-13 25/09/2013 14:55 Page 1

SEO Manager / Web Developer – Reflex Nutrition (Woodingdean, Brighton) Head of Digital – SiteVisibility (Brighton & Hove) Experienced C#, ASP.NET MVC Developer – Fitsystems (Brighton & Hove) Head of Development – Semantico (Brighton & Hove) Recruitment and HR Manager – Brandwatch (Brighton & Hove) Tech Developer – Edelman (Digital UK) (Brighton & Hove) Experienced C#, ASP.NET MVC Developer – Fitsystems (Brighton & Hove) Software Engineer - C# with MVC / ASP.NET – WPM Education (Burgess Hill) Digital Project Manager – InFX Solutions Limited (Hastings)

Smart app development – to help create an app for an arts project Website – to construct a simple site where clients can make contact Audio Book – to merge pre-recorded MP3 files into a cohesive file suitable to market

Morning WriteClub – Thursday 3rd October, 10am at Cafe Delice Async JavaScript Meetup – Thursday 10th October, 7.15pm at Lab for the Recently Possible Brighton – The SuperFused City? – Tuesday 15th October, 6pm at Sallis Benney Theatre

003_LS648_contents_Contents 27/09/2013 16:46 Page 1

2013 thelatest.co.uk

@latestbrighton

1–7 OCTOBER 2013

www.facebook.com/thelatest7

CONTENTS NEWS & COMMENT

Online now: Victoria Nangle catches up with comedians taking part in Brighton Comedy Festival including Jason Manford!

Attention bands! Submit your track to be included in the Brighton Download Chart. See online now.

04 Latest People All the pictures from recent events and openings 06 Latest Brighton & Hove News Metro Bank: the new face of banking

All the latest homes are on latesthomes.co.uk

08 Andrew Kay Andrew cuts back

With over 3,400 local properties, more Brighton & Hove homes than any other property website

10 Brighton Writes Vanessa asks is it selfish to avoid motherhood?

10 Up The Albion Injuries, Oscar and autumn 11 Celeb City Chumbawamba and John Prescott reunited

08 Competitions Spelling Bee Musical tickets; Runner Runner goodies 09 Bare Cheek One moustached man on the bus at a time, please

It’s almost here!

Join Ed Hall, Chief Executive of Comux UK, at Whitehawk Hill, Brighton, for the installation of the antennae for Latest TV. Latest TV www.thelatest.co.uk is scheduled to launch in 2014 as one of the 19 local licensees whose channels are launching on Freeview from this November. More information on Local TV can be found at www.getcloser.tv.

For details of advertising opportunities with latesthomes.co.uk please contact the advertising team on 01273 818150 lhsales@thelatest.co.uk

LIFESTYLE 12 Art At Five October’s ‘Ten For 10’ fundraiser for Drop4Drop 12 Proud Cabaret Brighton Bad Girls star Nicole Faraday turns to cabaret

latesthomes.co.uk/brighton

13 On the cover: The Townhouse A whole new dining experience awaits

@LatestTVBtn

15 Interview Jeremy Hardy on The News Quiz and his new show 16 Hotlist From Coast To Coast to The Chilli Pickle 17 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink Brighton & Hove Food & Drink Awards: the winners

WHAT’S ON

PARTY

GIG

IN BRIGHTON

Managing Director Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Production Director Fiona McTernan Finance Manager Sharon Caple Accounts & administration Claire Peerless Creative Director Andrew Kay

t

Art Director Stephen King Latest Homes Advertising Manager Lesley Lawrence Latest 7 Advertising Manager Rachel Simm

19 What’s On Sandi Toksvig talks My Valentine; what Brighton Comedy Festival stars love about Brighton

IN BRIGHTON

FemRock A monthly female-fronted queer-feminist night with live music, spoken word and DJs. Wednesday 2 October, 7pm, £3

Latest Group

18 Reviews & Bookings; Latest Download Chart This week’s number one is...

Latest 7/Homes Editor Zara Baker Entertainment & Production Editor Victoria Nangle Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Design Jason Weaver Reviews Co-ordinator Joe Fuller

Club Criminal Featuring the best of rock and indie goodness across two floors!

Thursday 3 October, 9pm, £3/£2 Nus

Staff writers Sade Ali Vanessa Austin Locke Mark Brailsford Jo Brooks Holly Cozens Ben Darling Andy Hinton Brian Mitchell Joseph Nixon Lynn Ruth Miller Henry Smith

Latest News Frank le Duc Jenni Davidson Jay Legate (Sport)

Website & IT Tom Scrace Lisa Yousefi

Latest TV

William Ranieri Yuki Stephenson

Latest MusicBar Ruth Ratner James Charter Stella Pitt Ali Cluney-Hickford Steve Parfrement

Val Aviv David Cuff Andy Nicholls

From gadgets & toys to food hampers & beauty gifts

Christmas Gift Guides

22 Brighton After Dark Interactive videos; Freshers at Audio; local creativity 24 TV listings; Stars Victoria Nangle urges you to watch something new Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: sales@thelatest.co.uk

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

To advertise call 01273 818150 To promote your business in our special series of Christmas gift guides, starting 12 November

Call Rachel on 01273 818150 Ext: 105

004_LS648_Ads_editorial 27/09/2013 10:11 Page 2

04

latest

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the place for parties!

Atmospheric Affordable Available any night You book it We make it happen Birthdays Weddings Civil Partnerships Office parties Business events Hen & Stag nights

this week> Wed 2 Cabaret bar

FemRock A monthly female-fronted queer-feminist night with live music, spoken word and DJs 7pm £3

Thurs 3 Club Criminal Featuring the best of rock and indie goodness across two floors!

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01273 687171 or email bookings@thelatest.co.uk

www.latestmusicbar.co.uk 14 –17 manchester street Advance tickets from www.wegottickets.com

005_LS648_latest people_Social Diary 27/09/2013 16:49 Page 3

latestPEOPLE Crest Nicholson Launches Kilnwood Vale in Faygate Crest Nicholson has now launched for sale the first homes at its muchanticipated development, Kilnwood Vale in Faygate. As a new community comprising of 2,500 homes west of Crawley, the site is one of the first in the UK to benefit from the Government’s Get Britain Building programme, having received part of a £2.3million investment via the Homes and Communities Agency (HCA) to build new homes.

Stephen Stone, Chief Executive of Crest Nicholson, says: “Providing new housing, which is in such demand in the South East, in

LATEST PEOPLE 05

Kilnwood Vale homes launch, Here Comes The Bride Charity Walk & Follow The Frog Week

partnership with the public sector is a key objective for us, and the scale of this site means that it will have an immediate and positive impact on the local housing market. Kilnwood Vale is more than a development of 2,500 homes – it is part of our overarching commitment to develop a prosperous community that brings new, long-term opportunities, including job creation, to the local area and encourages businesses to invest in the local economy, making it a desirable environment to live in.”

Kilnwood Vale is a major development of two bedroom apartments and two, three and four bedroom houses located in Faygate to the west of Crawley available from £214,950. Contact the sales team on 0845 894 7873.

Follow The Frog Week

On Tuesday 17 September the Rainforest Alliance celebrated their annual Follow The Frog Week and enjoyed a day of fun at Drury Southern Coffee Shop in Hove.

Follow The Frog Week aims to encourage consumers to purchase products with the Rainforest Alliance

Lucia Prieto, Charles Lawrence, Olivia Cornwall (all Drury's coffee shop).

Elaine Davids (Drury's coffee shop MD), Charles Lawrence (Drury's coffee shop)

certified green frog seal and make them aware of the future of the planet.

By choosing products with the Rainforest Alliance certified green frog seal, consumers can make a difference to the way commodities are farmed and the impact this has on lives, landscapes and wildlife. www.rainforest-alliance.org

Josef Jones (Drury's coffee shop)

H P Fernando the Frog

Here Comes the Bride Charity Walk On Saturday 21 September the staff of Hen Heaven walked from Peaceheaven to Hove’s West Pier in wedding dresses to raise money for the Rockinghorse Children’s Charity.

The party experts walked with a mix of brides and bridesmaids, setting off from Smugglers Rest on a three hour walk “Here Comes the Bride” and raised £2,500 in sponsorship for the worthy cause.

Photos: Diana Frangi

H C H H C

Sophie Marks, Harriet Charleswor th, Becky Taylor

Richard Paul Andy Veal, Matt Marsland,

Andy Veal, Lynsey Hamp, Harriet Charlesworth, Cat Goulbourne, Stephanie Hague

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06 LATEST NEWS

latest brighton & hove news

Calling banks to account Governments and courts seem reluctant to stop bad practices in banking but maybe new players will do their job for them.

Frank le Duc reports

A

bank is preparing to open a branch in Brighton. This is unusual because for the past five years or so, banks and building societies have been closing branches.

But Metro Bank, a newcomer to the high street, hopes to cash in on disenchantment with the way that existing banks do business.

Having secured planning permission to open at the top of North Street, in the old American Express premises, Metro Bank aims to open its doors next year. It describes itself as the first new high street bank for more than a hundred years. Its programme of branch openings suggests a confidence in its formula.

And that formula seems to be to combine banking’s traditional virtues and old-fashioned customer service with 21st century marketing techniques and the latest technology. Metro Bank promises: “Our model is • Unparalleled convenience and service • No product sales • Seven day-a-week branch banking • 24/7 call centres with real people answering real questions “Our goal is to eliminate every stupid bank rule.”

Brighton & Hove City Council leader Jason Kitcat on 25 years of Carelink Plus

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ore than 6,000 vulnerable people across the city benefit from life-saving equipment as part of our community alarm service Carelink Plus. As part of the scheme, vulnerable people are given small alarm devices that they can use to automatically call us, 24 hours a day and seven days a week.

The service recently celebrated its 25th birthday, but the service has developed over time. Newer devices can now detect sudden changes in barometric pressure – usually indicating a fall – and will

With so many shops and service providers going online and more businesses moving out of bricks and mortar for the virtual world, some wonder whether Metro Bank is swimming against the tide. At the Sussex University campus in Falmer, HSBC recently closed its branch. Only Barclays remains. If any set of customers is web savvy, it ought to be students. But despite the rise of internet banking, the thousands who live and work on the campus still need somewhere to physically take out cash.

One former Sussex student said that HSBC’s presence had influenced his choice of bank when he started at the university. Years after graduating it was still his bank and it was where he turned to first for loans and financial services. Some customers may be fickle but, mostly, banks benefit from widespread inertia. At Sussex, Barclays looks like being the main beneficiary of HSBC’s decision to pull out before the start of the new academic year.”

LOCAL FLAVOUR Banks and, in particular, building societies had a strong local flavour for many years. The Brighton and Sussex Building Society was a case in point. It

automatically alert the Carelink service, who can send someone to check on the person.

Carelink Plus also works closely with the fire service and offers special smoke detectors, as well as organising home safety visits.

It means older or vulnerable people who are more prone to falls, living on their own, or who have health needs can enjoy an independent life in their own home for longer. They are able to have confidence that should anything go wrong, help is always available at the touch of a button.

Those who care for vulnerable people are able also able to run errands or spend time away, knowing

the big issue “Banks keep money circulating in the economy much as the human body needs blood to circulate if it is to survive” became the Alliance under the leadership of Lewis Cohen, a prominent Labour councillor on a Tory-dominated Brighton Council. In 1965 he became Lord Cohen and in 1985 his mutual became the Alliance and Leicester. It demutualised in 1997 and was taken over by the Spanish bank Santander in 2008.

The picture in Brighton and Hove reflected the national picture, with a profusion of branch openings during

the property boom and especially after the financial reforms of the 1980s. Then came mergers and takeovers and building societies converting themselves into banks.

Rationalisation followed and, with it, branch closures and job losses.

Brighton and Hove has fewer than 50 bank branches now and barely half a dozen building society branches. Ten years ago there were more than 60.

This process of decline accelerated

that the cared for person can raise an alarm if they need any help.

Ninety-four-year-old Brighton & Hove resident John Telling recently had a fall, resulting in cuts and bruises to his head and becoming

unconscious.

However his pendant automatically triggered an alarm to the Carelink Plus call centre.

Staff contacted John’s family and friends, who were able to check on him. Paramedics arrived minutes later, taking John to A&E. He was discharged the following day and is now making a good recovery.

John’s story is a great example of how we have supported people who want to continue living independently in their own homes, despite health issues or ageing.

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LATEST NEWS 07

during what became known as the credit crunch when banks appeared to stop lending. At this time banks even went bust. Lehman Brothers was the biggest failure. Northern Rock in Britain sent shockwaves through the system. The government spent billions propping up institutions that were said to be too big to fail.

We are still paying the price. But the reality is that the banking crisis was one symptom of a wider set of economic problems.

Even so, banks and bankers have gone from being pillars of respectability to pariahs in the eyes of many. The former RBS chief executive Sir Fred Goodwin was vilified. And banking became a dirty word. Yet banks are vital for the economy. They help keep the money circulating much as the human body needs blood to circulate if it is to survive.

In his criticisms, Business Secretary Vince Cable drew the distinction between retail or high street banking – handling people’s savings and loans – and investment or casino banking. The latter had increasingly relied on complex financial products that few people understood. Most of us have felt the consequences. Mr Cable is one of the few who can claim to have seen it coming like a modern-day Cassandra .

BAD PRACTICES As the fall-out settles, there have been changes but too few to satisfy the most trenchant critics. Metro Bank is cited as an example of the market at work. As is the growth of internet banking. Regulators are requiring banks to operate with bigger safety margins – or capital requirements. One side-effect is to make it harder for new entrants like Metro Bank to bring competition to the sector. There are fears that as a consequence some bad practices are being protected.

But First Direct, part of HSBC, is trying to set itself apart from the high street banks, as is the newly revived TSB brand – the result of Lloyds being forced to sell branches.

Barclays in Brighton is part of an experiment to understand customers better.

The Bank of Dave, featured on Channel 4, capitalised on disenchantment with the familiar firms in this sector. And Virgin has also spotted an opportunity to bring its own approach to a tarnished trade.

And they are all a few mouse clicks away, hastening the demise of a bricks and mortar presence.

In Brighton and Hove old bank branches have been turned into, among other things, a restaurant and a chip shop. Some might even consider these to be a better use of the buildings in question. They have a grandiose style that speaks of a confidence and status belonging to a bygone era. Newer branches share their look with the profusion of high street bookies. Mr Cable is concerned that they share a common culture too.

Metro Bank has attracted account-holders by going back to basics. It may use modern design, 21st century technology and the latest marketing techniques. But its values sound old-fashioned in branches which look light and airy and people-friendly. It believes that its traditional customer-focused culture sets it apart from its rivals. The test will come when its Brighton branch opens next year. ■

BANKS SAFE A

cademic research published recently suggests that areas of high unemployment bear the brunt of bank closures. The Nottingham University study said: “Some of Britain’s poorest communities have been hit the hardest by the thousands of bank and building society closures happening every day.”

The research report said that there was a net loss of nearly 7,500 bank and building society branches from 1989 to 2012 – or more than 40 per cent of all branches. In the past ten years in Brighton and Hove the figure is more than 10 per cent, excluding post office closures.

Cash machines have become more widespread although not all of them allow free withdrawals. And with so many estates bereft of bank branches, customers are having to travel to the centre of town to take out money.

At the same time the government has switched to paying benefits and pensions into accounts. As a result the poorest pay the highest price to take out their own money.

Perhaps it is not surprising that some people turn to alternatives.

Loan sharks target people on the main housing estates in Brighton and Hove. The interest rates can be eye-watering. Organisations such as the East Sussex Credit Union offer a better and more responsible deal.

They are widely praised but their reach could be improved.

Brighton and Hove City Council and Brighton Housing Trust (BHT) are among those who have tried to help those in most financial difficulty. Expert advisers have proved effective. There is an element of enlightened self-interest as they want rents paid – and in the council’s case, council tax bills too.

The council has tried to bank ethically. Councillors had a row along party political lines about the subject last year when they debated investment strategy. Barclays was criticised by some. The Co-op was one of the preferred choices.

But this month the future of the Co-op is likely to become clearer after regulators raised concerns about its financial position. As a result councillors were told last week by one of the council’s money managers: “We are keeping investments with Co-op Bank at an absolute minimum – it could be half a million pounds.”

When asked why the absolute minimum overnight balance could be so much the council’s Audit and Standards Committee members were told: “The government has a habit of paying us and not telling us until after the event. The Co-op is our bank.”

So payments from government departments go straight into the council’s account with the Co-op.

008_LS648_kay_comps_Social Diary 27/09/2013 13:19 Page 2

08

BRIGHTON WRITES

Andrew Kay

Sponsored by Bardsley’s Fish & Chips

Cut backs I

’m having a cull. Changes in my circumstances have meant a major rethink and in turn I have been taking stock of my life.

It started, as so many things do, in the pub. I was drinking cocktails in Kemp Town with my food festival chums and wondering what to do with my vast collection of possessions. Their response was almost unanimous – “Sell them,” they cried.

It was not what I wanted to hear. After so many years of collecting things (for collecting, the cynical amongst you may wish to substitute the word hoarding) the idea of flogging off my world goods and chattels is not appealing. After all, I have over the years already shed a host of treasured goods in my many moves and in random acts of generosity.

I staggered home later that night after far too many cocktails. I was rather impressed by the fact that I did this by bus and managed to stop at a local convenience store where I purchased some pitta bread and taramasalata in the crazed belief that it would balance out the quantity of booze that I had downed.

Once in the flat I sat, toasted pitta and pink slurry on my lap – on a plate of course – and surveyed my world. It’s a complex mix of beautiful things and crazy stuff that carry so many memories. The paintings and prints alone would bewilder most householders, but when you add to

“I purchased some pitta bread and taramasalata in the crazed belief that it would balance out the quantity of booze that I had downed”

that a vast collection of ceramics the prospect of starting to rationalise them kick-starts a kind of fear that only a collector on the brink of downsizing might feel.

In addition to this there is the huge library of theatre programmes going right back to my late teens. A record of my love of the theatre and a testament to my very catholic tastes. Then there are the boxes of CDs, never listened to these days, but kept just in case... well, just in case.

Did I mention the clothes? I know I have before.

So many clothes, so many. I opened a wardrobe door and took a look. Very soon I realised that they were not all mine, some of them had been abandoned, rather a lot in fact.

A light came on in my head, this was the obvious place to start. I went through to the kitchen, another area of over indulgent hoarding I confess, and fished out a roll of big black bin bags.

Back at the wardrobe I started to cull, filing what was not mine into the black sacks and what was mine but was no longer the right size into a pile for recycling. I later took a very old Levi’s jacket to a charity shop and was amazed at how pleased they were to be given something that they described as vintage. I hadn’t considered that some of my wardrobe is so elderly that it now qualifies for the very fashionable vintage tag. Maybe I should have kept it. No, maybe not, after all, this was an exercise in reduction.

A couple of hours later I had reduced the contents of three large cupboards to one and the piles of black sacks in the hall was so big that people wishing to raise moneys for charity might consider climbing it as a cheap alternative to Kilimanjaro. What is all that about anyway? Why go so far when you could mount the Great Orme or Snowdon or lie in a bath of baked beans for a few hours? I digress.

There’s a long way to go. I need to cut down my kitchen ware, reduce my glassware and crockery, and even take that advice and sell some stuff.

Would anyone be interested in a pair of size 11 Doc Marten’s – in bright orange?

Follow me: @latestandrew

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

COMPETITIONS WIN FAMILY TICKETS TO AWARDWINNING SPELLING BEE MUSICAL The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee is a one-act musical comedy centering around a spelling bee in an American middle school. This Tony Award-winning hit is now on its first ever UK tour starring Darren Day and Niki Evans with it set to visit two venues in Sussex this Autumn.

We have a family ticket to give away for each venue – one for The Hawth in Crawley and one for The Connaught Theatre in Worthing. Musical theatre veteran Darren Day will play Vice Principal Panch, a member of the judging panel

while former X Factor contestant Niki Evans will play Rona Lisa Peretti, fellow judge and subject of Panch’s unrequited affections. You never know, you may be picked out of the audience to participate on stage as a guest speller; something that happens in every performance.

For your chance to win just tell us: Q: Who will be playing Vice Principal Panch?

WIN ‘RUNNER RUNNER’ MOVIE GOODY BAGS

Justin Timberlake and Ben Affleck star in new thriller Runner Runner – the story of a young grad student Richie (Timberlake) who is seduced by a lavish Costa Rican lifestyle promised to him by the incredibly suave gambling tycoon Ivan Block (Affleck). Soon learning that there is more than meets the eye to his benefactor, Richie is contacted by the FBI to try and bring Block down. To help celebrate the release of Runner Runner we are giving three lucky winners the chance to get their hands on some movie goodies courtesy of Fox.

For your chance to win just tell us: Q: Who does Ben Affleck play in Runner Runner?

Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN, EMAIL competitions@thelatest.co.uk

with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 14 October 2013.

009_LS648_barecheek_Editorial 25/09/2013 10:58 Page 3

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

Hove factually Five more facts you didn’t know about fantabulous Hove

2

The Spandau Ballet 1983 hit ‘Gold’ was originally titled ‘Hove’, but the lyrics were changed after the ghost of Lord North appeared to lead singer Tony Hadley in a dream and told him he would never get into the top ten with a song about Hove.

In & Out

What we used to say

In

An occasional series in which we struggle to remember the original, simple, once common terms that have been abandoned in favour of overblown manager-speak.

WHAT WE SAY NOW: “Come into contact with....”

A certain head teacher, in a recent press statement about the tragic death of a pupil, said “He will be remembered by everybody who came into contact with him.”

WHAT WE USED TO SAY: “Meet”

L.A. Law star Jimmy Smits has a scale model of Hove in the attic of his California home and shares his obsession with East Sussex Towns with fellow Hollywood actors Christian Slater (Wadhurst) and Danny Aiello (Pevensey.)

5

The age of consent in Hove is 43.

1

Hove operates under an extremely complicated caste system that is incomprehensible to anyone not born within its borders.

Among other things this system requires that no man with a moustache ride on a bus at the same time as another man with a moustache, and that those who hail from Altrington must, at all times, walk with their trousers around their ankles.

Out

• Willie Whitelaw • The moonies • Clogs • The Pyramid Game • Exercise books

Get ready to hold your sides for yet more rational funnies!

CORNER LOGICAL JOKE

4

• Brylcreem • Jennifer Beals • The precise moment in time that people stopped saying “Nessles” and started saying “Ness-lay” • Lord Haw Haw • Odd socks

8

3

Although George Street was pedestrianised in the late 1990s, due to an administrative oversight, it is perfectly legal to drive any of the cars featured in the cartoon series Whacky Races down it.

8

ONLY JOKING! 09

Q: What do policemen put in their sandwiches?

A: A variety of fillings according to personal taste.

Q: How many nuns does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: One – unless said nun belongs to an ascetic order that eschews dometic electricity.

Q: What do you get if you dial 666?

A: A pre-recorded voice informing you that the number is not recognised.

Patient: Doctor – I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains.

Doctor: You are suffering from a delusional disorder, which is a common form of psychosis, and require immediate psyciatric treatment.

Q: What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

A: St. Francis of Assissi.

A: Knock knock B: Who's there?

A: Ivor B: Ivor who?

A: Your friend, Ivor.

B: Of course. Sorry – I didn't recognise your voice, for some reason. Do come in!

Follow me: @MitchellnNixon

latest musicbar the place for parties!

•atmospheric •affordable •available any night •you make the booking •we make it happen

•birthdays •weddings •civil partnerships •office parties •business events •hen & stag nights •tell us what you want •we provide it all! call ruth on 01273 687171 or email: bookings@thelatest.co.uk www.thelatest.co.uk/musicbar

010_LS648_vanessa_albion_editorial 26/09/2013 15:41 Page 2

10

BRIGHTON WRITES

Mark Brailsford wonders if Oscar is an Albion legend in the making

C

Vanessa Austin Locke Is it selfish to not want to have a baby? Vanessa starts the debate

R

ecent findings by Satoshi Kanazawa of The London School of Economics, have shown that women with a higher IQ are less likely to want to have children. This research appeared around the time Lucy Worsley said that she had been “educated out of the natural reproductive function”. Kanazawa has made his personal feelings about his discovery rather clear, writing in his book, The Intelligence Paradox, in a chapter entitled ‘Why Intelligent People are the Ultimate Losers in Life’, that “If any value is truly unnatural... it is voluntary childlessness.” It should be noted, as Sadhbh Walshe of The Guardian pointed out, that Kanazawa’s judgment has been discredited in the past because of a study in which he found black women to be less attractive. Nice.

So, some are saying that intelligent women are not having kids because they have careers and some are saying they’re selfish and their high IQ is precisely why they should have kids. Regardless, there’s a new and interesting trend developing, and it piques my curiosity because I’m one of these ‘unnatural’ voluntarily childless women. There’s the potential to start mud-slinging here, but most of the papers have already done that, so let’s try to keep emotional responses out of it and think critically.

Has anyone considered that our biological urges might be adapting to an over-populated and under-resourced world? Perhaps we’re evolving cerebrally, beyond our biology, to preserve humanity, and perhaps that’s natural too.

Pic: Milan Jurek

ould Oscar Garcia turn out to be an Albion legend in the making? That last bloke, (what was his name again? Began with a P...), he did well enough, but this new fella, who comes across as a more understated version of Pep Guardiola, has certainly impressed in his first few months in charge.

Gus Poyet deserves to go down as one of the great Albion managers, after all, he did lift Albion from near the bottom of League One to the verge of the Premier League. However, there are signs that Albion may have found an even bigger legend in the making in this phlegmatic and urbane head coach. It’s a bit like having a tumultuous first marriage, full of fights and fury, going through an acrimonious divorce, then finding yourself contented with the girl next door. It’s a tad too early to tell, of course, but arguably, the signs are all there that this second marriage in the ‘Cathedral of Dreams’ will last.

The excellent hard fought draws at (supposedly Premier League standard teams) Reading and QPR, and the turnaround against Bolton Wanderers (a team made up of mostly top flight players, have made all the summer doom and gloom around the Amex dissipate somewhat.

“One of the The truism at this stage of the season is to never look at the table until the clocks go back most uplifting and it is very early days. But whisper it quietly, Oscar’s impressive start has made this sights was the correspondent eye up the fixtures for the playpairing of two offs, it’s looking very promising thanks to the more nuanced señor in the hot seat. Oscar’s settled in well, he’s handled the grumpy relatives, wingers on the appeased the mother in law (Paul Barber) and pitch at the won over the kids. Marriage guidance with the League Managers Association doesn’t look like it same time” will be required.

Head shot Courtesy Jerry Lebens

Latest Seagulls

“I’m one of these ‘unnatural’ voluntarily childless women”

Autumn playlist One of the most uplifting sights at the start of the Bolton match was the pairing of two wingers on the pitch at the same time, something Poyet only ever did when Albion were losing and only then when he used them as substitutes. That this is the first time in nearly two years that the Albion have come from behind to win a game at home, shows you how negative that approach can be at this level.

The Championship is a tough league, but fortune favours the brave in this division and it is this approach that should serve Oscar Garcia’s team well. It is not just for this campaign that this approach matters; Oscar Garcia has been appointed not just to get Albion promoted to the Premier League, he has been given the remit to enable them to stay there. Therefore, this approach should be encouraged with half an eye on what might happen if Albion go up. The reason for this train of thought is this: having an established and progressive pattern of play is arguably how you achieve success long term in the top flight. You only have to look at Swansea to see proof of that. That Albion sit comfortably midtable during a period of time when there is a lengthy injury list and still managing to get draws away to teams of Premier League quality augurs well. Once CMS and Bridcutt return and Ulloa has served his suspension, this is going to be one hell of a squad to pick a team from. Let us hope CMS can slot in behind Ulloa and Bridcutt can provide the anchor for Buckley and Lua Lua to take to the wing in tandem. We could be about to witness something special.

Coming up The squad has been fortified of late with a pair of loan signings that may not appear to have set the pulses racing in the stands, but they may prove to be two of the most astute signings of the season in the Championship. Ward and Andrews have been excellent and when you factor in the heart-warming emergence of players such as Solly March and wonderfully impressive Rohan Ince, it’s hard to see why a lot of pundits left Albion out of their tips for promotion. So, with games against a poor looking Sheffield Weds and Yeovil but tough assignments against Nottingham Forrest and Watford to come, we could be about to show the rest of the division what this Albion team is made of. When the injury list clears up, as autumn deepens, we could be in for some vintage Albion displays that could rival bonfire night.

My reasons for not having children are first – selfishness. The word selfish has so many negative connotations, and it’s been used to torment women into being skivvies, but I try to own it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t help others, but it does mean that I take care of myself first so that I am of better service to others. Obsession with reproduction assumes that the continuation of the human race is what is best for evolution. What if the best thing for evolution were to let humanity decline? After all, the human race is only of value to itself. What was that about being selfish?

My second reason for not having children is practical – there are too many children in the world already without loving homes. If I were going to have children, I’d adopt them.

My third reason is economical – the cost of raising a child has risen 53 per cent since 2003 to £222,458. I wouldn’t want to have children, biological or adopted, unless I could offer them a certain standard of living and make them economically valuable.

The final reason is terror – having watched my mother give birth twice (hippies) the thought of pregnancy and childbirth makes my eyes water.

The miracle of childbirth? Miracle my **** – you’re trying to get something the size of a football through something the size of a hairpin? That, my friend, is what we call a design fault.

So I, with my relatively high IQ and my fully functioning reproductive organs, would rather have fun and money than kids. But as far as Kanazawa is concerned, my ambition of being a stay at home mum with no kids and a cleaner makes me one of life’s losers. But why wouldn’t I have my cake and eat it too if I could? Maybe it’s my giant ego, but I think I can offer more to this world than kids. Whether or not that’s true remains to be seen.

Follow me: @vnessenvy

011_LS648_celebcity_Celebcity 26/09/2013 12:36 Page 2

CELEBCITY

SPONSORED BY

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

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SPOTTED

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Spanish Day at The Amex, Jeremy Paxman, plus Chumbawamba & David Prescott reunited

© BBC Pictures

© Paul Hazlewood

Newsnight ho Jeremy Paxm ttie an in Stanmer Pa rk, conduct ing his show liv e from a greenhou se.

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ROXY HEARTS

Olé!

donned my fedora and cape and joined in with the Spanish Day celebrations at Brighton & Hove Albion’s match against bottom of the league Bolton Wanderers on Saturday 21 September. The stadium was a sea of sombreros and Spanish flags as the crowd embraced players such as Inigo Calderon, David Lopez, Andrea Orlandi, Bruno Saltor and not forgetting new manager Oscar Garcia. I sat next to Oscar’s wife and daughter plus a few of the Spanish players’ kids, who I have to say gave the cutest Seagull chants ever! Also next to us was stand-up comedian Stephen Grant and newly promoted to Head of Sports News for Talksport, Robyn Schonhofer. If the team’s performance was anything to go by – I say viva Espana!

Stephen Grant

Last week the JBPR team took a trip en masse to the fabulous Coco de Mer, the luxury erotic boutique in London’s Covent Garden. The purpose of our visit was to attend an intimate evening in celebration of the 2013 Lelo Design Awards. Timed to coincide with the London Design Festival, Lelo (who are the world’s leading provider of intimate lifestyle products) SPOTTED showcased the winning !

Spotted products in their competition boarding atogether to design an intimate gadget tr a in to London to ‘push the boundaries of journalist Si– music on Price pleasure’. The competition and punk m le nd received over 150 entries Kirk Brandge on. from 38 countries across the globe. We enjoyed fizz and nibbles and an expert tour of the very latest in Lelo’s fantastic range of sensual delights as well as appreciating their design competition winners. Other guests at the soiree included the lovely Dancing On Ice and Emmerdale star Roxanne Pallett.

Check out www.lelo.com – you won’t regret it!

TELL NO LIES

After a complete makeover, we are delighted that the doors of one of our favourite eateries is back open – welcome back Pinocchio, we’ve missed you!

KNOCKED DOWN, BUT BACK UP AGAIN

Reunited last week were old rivals Dunstan Bruce of Chumbawamba and Labour peer and ex-Deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott, at the Labour Party Conference.

Mr Prescott posed for this picture, putting aside any memories of having a bucket of water thrown at him at the 1998 Brit Awards ceremony in London.

Have you spotted a celeb in the city? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

Follow me: latestcelebcity

Special Offer Italian house red or white wine (75cl bottle usually £11.95)

£6.95 with this voucher

10% service will be added Valid Sunday - Friday until end October 2013 excluding bank holidays One voucher per table Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer.

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Perfect 10 Art at Five, one of Brighton’s leading contemporary art galleries, turns 10 this month & hosts a special ‘Ten for 10’ event

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rt at Five celebrates its tenth anniversary in October, and to mark the occasion the gallery is holding a unique fundraising art event called ‘Ten for 10’. Why Ten for 10? Because ten of the gallery’s favourite artists are donating original paintings to be included in a charity art raffle, with tickets costing just £10 each.

All proceeds from the raffle will be donated to Brighton based charity drop4drop, whose mission is to help communities across the globe get access to clean water.

With paintings valued from £300 to £1,000, the charity raffle offers the chance to acquire a piece of artwork for a fraction of the price, whilst contributing to a really worthwhile cause.

The ‘Ten for 10’ donated paintings are available to view at Art at Five, 5 Bartholomews, Brighton. Raffle tickets will be on sale from Saturday 28 September and can be bought either at the gallery or online at www.artatfive.com. The raffle will close on Monday 14 October and winners will be announced via the Art at Five website on Tuesday 22 October 2013.

Art at Five, 5 Bartholomews Brighton, BN1 1HG, 01273 774222, www.artatfive.com

Bad girl in the dales Our favourite Bad Girls actress, Nicole Faraday, performs at Proud Cabaret Brighton

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ward-winning stage and TV actress Nicole Faraday, star of TV’s Bad Girls and new girl on Emmerdale, comes to Proud Cabaret Brighton to treat us to an evening of her favourite songs.

Nicole is heading the bill at this month’s The Follow Spot, a new monthly Musical Theatre Cabaret event that presents the best of the West End performers at Proud Cabaret in Brighton. “I’m very lucky to be able to work both in musical theatre and prime-time television, and to get opportunities to keep performing my cabaret alongside is absolutely lovely!”

Faraday is currently filming for Emmerdale playing Veronica, with her first episode airing this week. “It’s a really busy time for me, and cabaret provides a great release from the pressures of a busy filming schedule!”

After filming Bad Girls she was a shoo-in to star in Bad Girls The Musical, a stage role for which she won a theatre award. On stage she's also played Eva Cassidy in Over The Rainbow, so expect to

hear this represented in Nicole’s set on Sunday 6 October!

Also on The Follow Spot bill this month are local professionals Tim Newman and Natalie Roberts.

The Follow Spot presents: Nicole Faraday and Guests!

Proud Cabaret, Sun 6 October 2013, £12, 01273 605789, brightonreservations@proud.co.uk, www.brightoncabaret.com.

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THE TOWNHOUSE KEMPTOWN

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came down to look and this opportunity came up at The Townhouse. I sent down my CV and luckily got the job.

“The Townhouse has been around a while and has a very loyal clientele. I immediately liked the restaurant space and felt confident that with my team we could take things on to a new level. The style of the cooking we are doing is modern British with French influences. I’m slowly starting to evolve the menu, introducing new seasonal dishes all the time. We are currently introducing autumn dishes and these will eventually give way to more robust winter dishes.

“I like my food to look great on the plate, the style is very important, but not at the expense of a customer feeling satisfied. The days of tiny portions are gone but we still create dishes with great attention to detail.

“It’s been a gradual change but the menu is now all my own food and I’m refining what works and dropping things that don’t work. I’m here for the long term and I’m really loving it.

“I like to pop up later in the evening, when the kitchen is less busy, and see how things are going.

We’re already getting great feedback and have now introduced comment cards. Good feedback is always nice but it’s the things that we are not getting right for our customers that we really need to know about so that we can improve. A lot of chefs have huge egos – but you never know everything, it’s always a learning curve.

“The regulars are now getting to know me and I'm really enjoying the place, it has a great atmosphere, very relaxed, and I like the live music too, it adds something extra.

“Right now we are finalising the Christmas menus, there will be classics but a few other things and our new website is on its way too.

It’s a very exciting time.

“We’re lucky to have such great regular customers, and our loyal clients are loving the changes that we have been making. I have changed a lot in the kitchen, some new equipment and a team with me that I know and like to work with.

Right now we are introducing a new lunchtime menu that will appeal to the business community, a sensible menu suited to busy people on the go.

We also have our VIP room which is ideal for business meetings over a bit of delicuious food.”

So will Malcolm ever go back to Canada? “You never know, I came short term and I’ve been here eight years already and I still love it. Maybe when our very young daughter is older we will go back to get her educated, but for now I’m loving being in Brighton. I’ve never liked living anywhere as much as I like being here!”

The Townhouse Kemptown Restaurant & Bar, 81–82 St James’s Street, Kemp Town, Brighton, BN2 1PA 01273 693216, Open for lunch 12pm–3pm Monday to Friday, all day Sat and Sun breakfast Saturday and Sunday, and till 11pm Friday and Saturday nights. www.thetownhousekemptown.co.uk

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Home on the range The Townhouse Kemptown is enjoying a new lease of life since Canadian head chef Malcolm Campbell took over the kitchens. Andrew Kay finds out more y reputation chefs can be “The style of difficult, temperamental and seemingly dangerous our cooking is characters. Given the long and modern British anti-social hours they work and the hot conditions they work in, with French it is perhaps easy to see why.

But when I met Canadian chef influences” Malcolm Campbell nothing could

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have been further from the truth.

Born of Scottish émigré parents, in Toronto, Malcolm freely admits that he was a difficult teenager with little idea of what he wanted to do with his life. At the age of 17, as soon as he could legally leave home, he travelled to Vancouver, “a four and a half hour flight away”, to try to find a path. And it was in Vancouver that he found his true vocation as a chef.

“I got a job within a restaurant with a French chef and trained there until I achieved a Red Seal, the local qualification for skilled trades,” says Malcolm.

“After a while I decided that I needed to move to London, which really surprised my parents.

“I decided to go along to The Ritz Hotel in Piccadilly and to my amazement I was given a job on the spot. I worked at The Ritz for a year and a half. It was hard work in a very exacting kitchen, 16-hour

shifts, sometimes 18, but it was great training and experience. Next I really wanted to work in a Michelin starred restaurant. I always wanted to keep learning, and I still do.

“I then moved to The Bingham in Richmond where I was proud to be one of the kitchen brigade that took the hotel from one to two rosettes and then on to gaining its first Michelin star. It was there that I really learned the most from chef Shay Cooper and I spent three years there before moving on.

“I moved to a small country hotel that was a bit down and out and went at it hard to get what I wanted, and in fact we got two rosettes in one year.

“It was a great experience building up the reputation but I needed a change and a new challenge. My girlfriend suggested Brighton so we

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015_LS648_interview_011_LS466_interview 27/09/2013 09:27 Page 3

L7 INTERVIEW now. Very occasionally I go into tune... but I can’t really control when that might or might not happen. It’s like, a stopped clock is right twice a day... occasionally.”

and self-importance, I think. But they are a very ‘born to rule’ clique, the people who are running the country now. They’ve all got that... mafia sense of entitlement.”

I hasten to add that I’ve enjoyed your singing... but I really enjoy it when you go off on a complete tangent on The News Quiz...

“Thank you. I’m sure that’s probably more important, yeah. Yeah, I tend to ramble on The News Quiz. I used to have more prepared one-liners about stuff, and then recently I can’t be bothered to do that. Because they have very good writers on the show, for Sandy, and so there’s plenty of good one-liners already.

And I just try and ramble and see what happens.”

You are a thorn in their side, though...

“Oh, they don’t mind. They probably enjoy it... the thing is with the left, is that we’re so weak. People don’t mind us, I think they just see us as being like amusing court jesters.”

You do good almighty rants...

“Good, good. That’s good.”

HARDY BOY Darling of BBC Radio 4, unashamedly left-wing, and celebrated off-key singer, Jeremy Hardy is back on the road. Victoria Nangle talks to the comic about The News Quiz, David Cameron and podcasts How would you describe your show?

“It’s a man of 52 talking at length... with an interval.

“It is me we’re talking about, by the way, it’s not some cat’s miaow. All sorts of bits and bobs. Not really talking about myself all that much.

Partly because I'm not very interesting and partly because it just seems a bit self-absorbed. So I talk about all sorts of stuff, from Shakespeare to hip hop, but only a few minutes on each thing, ‘cos I can’t focus very long on one thing.”

singing voice I have, but I don’t think it’s as bad as people say it is.

You know, I’d quite like to sing nicely and be able to hold a tune, and be asked to stand up in pubs and sing old folk songs with my finger in my ear. But that doesn’t happen. I mean, obviously I never thought I'd make any money out of it, and the very first time I did Clue, it was in Harrogate, and it was when Willie Rushton was still alive, and he’d got me on the show. I had to do ‘Kung Fu

You say you don’t talk about yourself but your daughter seems to come up quite regularly when you’re on The News Quiz. How does she feel about that?

“She likes it, she’s quite proud. She’s coming along now to recordings.

There are precious few 23 year olds in our audience. But yeah, she likes to feature.”

“You know, I'd quite like to sing nicely...”

You’ve been on I’m Sorry I Haven’t A Clue quite some years now. A lot has been made of your singing.

Did that surprise you?

“Well, yeah. It’s kind of an annoyance really, because I’ve always been embarrassed by what a horrible

Fighting’ to the tune of ‘Scarborough Fair’. And the whole audience fell silent, and there was a very shocking sort of stunned pause. And then one or two people started bravely clapping, and then it spread like in a film. And then eventually the whole audience was wildly clapping. And I sat down and Willie Rushton said ‘I smell points’. And then it all just carried on. But people get annoyed when I sing properly

15

If you could bring back one politician from the past and install them in the current government, who would that be and why?

“To install somebody in the current government, it’d have to be someone with a communicable disease. I don't think the current government can really be redeemed. I think that would be a waste of time. And anyone with any kind of decency is leaving, so... like poor little Sarah Teather. She’s bitten off more than she could chew there. But no, I think it would be a waste to put anyone of any decency into the current government.”

You could put in someone like Michael Foot, to shake everybody up? “[laughs] What difference would he make? Everyone would just go ‘oh, bless’. He was a fine orator and a very good man, Michael Foot, and people respected him for that, but he wouldn’t be able to turn around... braying public schoolboys who are hell-bent on destroying the welfare state. I don’t think he’d be able to stop that. If little Sarah Teather can’t stop them from destroying the welfare state, no one can.”

Maybe we should put Supernanny in there?

“Yes, that would scare the living s*** out of them. But no, I think it’s just horrible. I actually find it almost too depressing to talk about, because they’re just not grounded in anything like ordinary life. They just don’t have any sort of break on their whims and fancies. They’re like a bunch of kids who’ve been given the government to play with, and they’re all really enjoying it. And that’s a horrible thing, that they really enjoy it. At least Gordon Brown, one redeeming thing about Gordon Brown, is that you could tell he absolutely hated being Prime Minister. He’d waited so long for it and when he got it he was just so disappointed. And he hated every living moment of it. Whereas Cameron, he likes to make apologies on behalf of the country ‘cos he gets to speak for the country, and it enables him to be a statesman. He absolutely loves every second of it.

And that shows enormous vanity

There’s that whole objection to The News Quiz as being too leftorientated, and the BBC in general.

What do you think of that?

“Well, if it is it’s not going to have any impact, is it? I mean we do try and get more... different voices on the programme. I mean, I’m not really involved in that, but I do sort of say, ‘well, yeah. Let’s have people say some different things, just to make it more interesting.’

‘Cos there’s no point if we’re all saying the same stuff, and all agreeing on everything. But it’s a question of people being actually funny. I mean, Bob Mills, who’s a Tory, is actually a good comic. So he comes on because he’s a good comic. If he wasn’t a good comic it would become pointless, because he’d never say anything funny. But, you know, The News Quiz is probably more left-wing than the public as a whole. But then, people in the arts usually tend to have middle-to-left-wing views, I think.

Because right-wing people are sort of... generally fairly uncreative.

They're not really interested in those things that enrich humanity, or make us special. They're interested in the bottom line, in profit. I suppose once people get to a certain level of wealth, like Tracey Emin, or The Rolling Stones, they become Tories.”

Do you think you’re reaching more people these days because of the rise of podcasts?

“Apparently more people listen to The News Quiz than died in both world wars...”

Woah!

“No, that’s made up. I think it’s about four million now, which is fairly respectable. And it’s more than a lot of TV programmes get. I mean, obviously GCHQ would be able to tell exactly who listens to The News Quiz and what they had for breakfast, but I think the way the BBC calculates these things is they interview four people and work it out on that basis.

Multiply that by the number of people in the country or something.”

Will there be another series of Jeremy Hardy Speaks To The Nation?

“Probably, It seems to keep happening. Yeah, I keep trying to stop doing it, and keep doing more of them. But I was pleased with the last one, actually. So I probably will do another one.”

Jeremy Hardy, Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, Sunday 6 October 2013, 7.30pm, £14/5, 01273 709709, www.brightoncomedyfestival.com

016_LS648_hotlist_Hotlist 26/09/2013 16:41 Page 2

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HOTLIST

L7 Hotlist Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk American Coast to Coast

Coast to Coast American restaurant and bar has been created by a team of people who genuinely love good quality food, drinks and good times!

When it’s cooked well using fabulous ingredients, nothing beats authentic American food, and very few can resist a cocktail mixed by a real bartender who knows exactly how to blend flavours to achieve a perfect balance of strong, weak, sharp and sweet.

Coast to Coast, 3 The Waterfront, Brighton BN2 5WA, 01273 626170 brighton@c2crestaurants.com

British & Modern European Bardsley’s

Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele.

Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

Fully licensed.

Bardsley’s, 22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256, www.bardsleys-fishandchips.co.uk

Ohso Social

Situated alongside Brighton Pier, occupying the best location on the beach, Ohso opens for coffees, cocktails, breakfast and dinner.

Popular for group celebrations or a romantic table for two. The heated outdoor beach terrace provides a wonderful environment for alfresco dining serving classic fish ‘n’ chips and signature mussels while watching the starlings dart between the piers. Ohso hosts legendary summer beach parties nightly when sunny.

Ohso Social, 250A Kings Road Arches, Brighton, BN1 1NB. Bookings 01273 590918, www.ohsosocial.co.uk

Chinese Gars Restaurant

This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar. Eat from £10.

Gars, 19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton, 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

Music café Bom-Bane’s

Drop in to Bom-Bane’s for a coffee, cocktail or Belgian beer, or enjoy a tasty snack or full evening meal at one of our mechanical tables. Delicious homely food with a Belgian twist. Come along alone, with friends or have a tailor-made party with the Bom-Bane Banquet and a surprise song written specially for your friend, colleague or loved one. They also have music, cinema

(Food'n'Film for £5.55!), crossword trails etc and a homework club. Kids, grannies, students (10% off!) – everyone always warmly welcome. Come and celebrate their seventh birthday with them this month!

Tues–Sat, 12.30pm to 11.30pm Bom-Bane's 24, George Street, Brighton, BN2 1RH, 01273 606400, www.bom-banes.com

Indian Chaula’s Lewes

Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan as well as gluten and wheat free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday.

Chaula’s, Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

Coast To Coast

Chaula’s Brighton

A second venue for this brilliant Indian restaurant is now open here in Brighton.

Superb regional dishes, fresh tasting and exciting. Chaula and her team breathe fresh air into the idea of Indian food with authentic recipes served in bright and stylish surroundings. The cooking is executed with a light touch too, no heavy ghee-based sauces here but an altogether healthier approach – but not at the cost of flavour. Both delicious and affordable. Buffet available for £6.99; Meal Deal for £9.99.

Chaula’s, 2–3 Little East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HT, 01273 771661, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle

The Chilli Pickle is a local favourite with national standing which combines traditional Indian methods with local produce and an The Chill Pickle

individual style. Their ample thalis spice up a midday meeting or a catch-up with friends, while the evening menu offers inventive street food, local seafood and tasty regional curries, served in an upbeat and informal atmosphere. The Chilli Pickle featured in the National Restaurant Awards’ UK top 100 in 2011-12, and scooped ‘Best Casual Dining’ at the 2012 British Curry Awards.

The Chilli Pickle, 17 Jubilee Square, Brighton 01273 900 383, www.thechillipickle.com

The Chilli Pickle Canteen

The definitive delivery service from The Chilli Pickle launched this year. Bold, Indianinspired design, specially-commissioned artwork and smart delivery stake out new ground in home dining. Meanwhile, the menu showcases some of the restaurant’s familiar touches: with regional curries, homemade pickles and chutneys, plus superb ice creams.

The Chilli Pickle Canteen: order online at http://thechillipicklecanteen.com 01273 900384

Indian Summer

Indian Summer has been pioneering authentic regional food from the sub continent for over a decade. The Brighton favourite is listed in the ‘Top 100’ restaurants in the UK by the Cobra Good Curry Guide 2013 and recently awarded Trip Advisor Certificate of Excellence. The new lunch summer offering is completed with a selection of thalis and new tandoori roasts on Sundays.

Indian Summer, 69 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HQ, 01273 711001, www.indian-summer.org.uk

Nooris

Nooris Indian restaurant in central Brighton has been newly refurbished and offers a fantastic setting for lunch or dinner. The menu features a great selection of meat and vegetables. A two-course lunch or early dinner is available for just £6.95, and their Sunday buffet is just £5.50 – available 12pm–5pm. Try their delicious homemade fish or chicken thali;

you won’t be disappointed!

Nooris, 70/71 Ship Street, Brighton, 01273 329405, www.noorisbrighton.co.uk

Italian Al Duomo

Brighton’s longest established family run pizzeria, using fresh ingredients, has recently updated its menu and restaurant team.

Offering a comprehensive array of traditional stone-baked pizzas made fresh daily with gourmet ingredients imported direct from Italy and authentic Italian dishes from the a la carte menu. Gluten-free pasta and vegan dishes are also offered.

Try their special lunch/pre-theatre menu at £9.95 for two courses with a great selection of choices or £12.75 for three courses.

Cocktails are available from the cocktail bar and Monday to Friday you can enjoy 2-4-1 cocktails from 3pm–9pm. Check out the special mid-week Cabaret Nights, Elvis, Michael Buble and Las Vegas Swing. Open seven days a week. Booking recommended.

Al Duomo Restaurant, 6 & 7 Pavilion Buildings, Brighton, BN1 1EE, 01273 326741, www.alduomo.co.uk

Donatello

Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant value meal deals on blackboards – two courses £6.95 or three for £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos.

Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Donatello, Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Thai Street Thai

Dishes served here are simple, healthy and delicious using the finest and freshest ingredients. Thai people love their street food and Street Thai is the most authentic way of eating and experiencing Thai food. Set menu is available every day except Saturday with two-courses at £8.95 and three-courses at £10.95.

Street Thai, 01273 207444, 5 & 20 Brighton Square, Brighton BN1 1HD

Up to 50% off your food bill Table Pouncer

Ohso Social

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150

Table Pouncer has teamed up with Latest 7 to offer diners up to 50% off their food bill.

Register for free and take advantage of great savings. Participating restaurants change all the time, so check back and see whether your favourite is there. From Italian and Chinese to seafood and more, eating out has just got a lot more affordable. http://thelatest.co.uk/tablepouncer/

017_LS648_food__food 27/09/2013 12:24 Page 2

ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK

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Newcomer Judged by John Keenan (The Argus) GOLD: La Choza SILVER: Bellota BRONZE: Betty La La’s

Food & Drink Andrew Kay is joined by Andrea Fox to host the Brighton & Hove Food & Drink Festival Food Awards on Hove Lawns Winners Best Restaurant, Gold: Terre á Terre, Silver: The Chilli Pickle, Bronze: The Coal Shed

Café Judged by Dan Gasser and Hanna Netter (Juice FM) GOLD: Treacle & Co SILVER: The Laine Deli BRONZE: Moksha Caffè

The winners Fish & Chips Judged by Mike Weatherly MP, and James Dempster (Cobb Healthcare) GOLD: The Regency SILVER: Bankers BRONZE: Bardsley’s

Pub & Bar Judged by Gary Peters (Brighton & Hove Jobs) and James Dempster (Cobb Healthcare) GOLD: The Lion & Lobster SILVER: Craft Beer Co. BRONZE: The Basketmakers Sustainable Business Judged by Caroline Lucas MP, and Jess Crocker (Brighton & Hove Food Partnership)

Independent Retailer Judged by Caroline Williams (PHS Wastetech), and Sue Korman (Unique to Brighton) GOLD: Infinity Foods SILVER: Butlers Wine Cellar BRONZE: Boho Gelato Takeaway Judged by Angi Mariani (Latest) and Ian Miller (Brighton & Hove Bus Company) GOLD: The Chilli Pickle Canteen SILVER: Pizzaface BRONZE: The Troll’s Pantry

Restaurant Judged by Andrew Kay and Nick Mosley (with input from colleagues) GOLD: Terre á Terre SILVER: The Chilli Pickle BRONZE: The Coal Shed Food Hero Judged by Ryan Heal (Rockinghorse), and Nathalie Gomez de Vera (festival administrator) GOLD: Ben & Pamela McKellar (Gingerman Restaurants) SILVER: Seb Cole (Boho Gelato) BRONZE: Paul Clark (The Troll’s Pantry)

GOLD: Moshimo SILVER: Terre á Terre BRONZE: Infinity Foods Café Food Pub Judged by Adam Style (festival director), and Mark Ansell (Brighton & Hove Independent) GOLD: The Foragers SILVER: The Ginger Pig BRONZE: The Lion & Lobster

Special Recognition Award Carla ter Maat: an unfailing supporter of the festival for many years – working not only to keep her business offering at Drakes of Brighton at the fore of the hospitality sector in the city and nationally, but also to identify opportunities for the festival both here and abroad.

Family Dining Lead judge Shoshana Plail (www.childfriendlybrighton.co.uk) GOLD: Breeze Brasserie SILVER: The Hove Kitchen BRONZE: The Coal Shed

Chain Retailer Judged by David Moon-Watson (PHS Wastetech), and Soozie Campbell (festival director) GOLD: Bill’s SILVER: Waitrose BRONZE: Carluccio’s

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018_021_LS648_previews_editorial 27/09/2013 09:43 Page 2

18

WHAT’S ON MUSIC CHART, REVIEWS&BOOKINGS

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/music-chart

8

Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP 20

Black Rooster Black Shag have beaten The Black Fields off the top spot for a second week running.

Want to see your favourites stay in the charts? The more times you listen, the higher they rise!

Words: Holly Cozens

1 Black Rooster Black Shag Amsterdam 2 Mirika Legs 4 Africa 3 The Black Fields The Fighter 4 900 Spaces Discotechnology 5 Fireworks For Summer A Is The Start Of Everything 6 The Last Cry Rebekka 7 Tenek No Time For Fighting (JAB EDIT) 8 Chaos Borne I Will 9 Maria McAteer Brighton Boy 10 Chaos Borne Watching

L7 what’s on Bookings BOY GEORGE

Concorde 2, 11 November 2013, £22.50, 01273 673311, www.concorde2.co.uk Boy George, universally recognised as one of our generation's most iconic artists, is back with a thrilling new studio album of original material, his first in 18 years!

LEO SAYER – NEW DATE/VENUE

Worthing Assembly Hall, 22 November 2013, £24.50, 01903 206206 www.Worthingtheatres.co.uk The Leo Sayer show due to take place at Concorde 2 on 19 November has changed venues and will now take place at Worthing Assembly Hall on Friday 22 November. Existing tickets will be valid for the Assembly Hall and a partial refund will be due to the full price ticket holders. Those unable to attend Worthing show may accept a full refund.

FISH

Concorde 2, 13 May 2014, £22.50 + booking fee, 01273 673311, www.concorde2.co.uk The critically acclaimed progressive rock singer/songwriter, and former lead singer of Marillion, will embark on an extensive 13date UK tour in May 2014. Billed as ‘The Moveable Feast Tour’ the UK trek is named after his upcoming album A Feast Of Consequences, released earlier this month.

LONDON GRAMMAR

11 Cloverfield The House Of Love 12 The Fooley Mantras Break Away 13 The Long Goodbye For A Long Time 14 Dear Jon Before I Give In 15 Jamie Bilboa Ace Of Spades 16 Jamie Bilboa Sunshine Bouncing 17 Osaro and RJ Shut Up and Dance

Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 3 February 2014, £15.50, 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org London Grammar continue to prove why they’re one of the most exciting new bands. Their debut album, If You Wait, entered the UK album charts at number two and their first ever headline tour sold out. The band now announce dates for early 2014 including a show at Brighton Dome.

Lancashire electro duo Bondax will be joining them as special guests.

Under review

TREASURE ISLAND

NEVILLE'S ISLAND Chichester Festival Theatre In The Park, 21 September 2013 ✪✪✪✪✪

F

our middle management businessmen from Salford get marooned on an island on Derwentwater during a team-building exercise. If you ignore the fact that the plot is full of holes (why on earth do they not concentrate on finding a way to signal to shore?) and suspend your belief, then you’re in for a jolly good time, because it really is very funny indeed. Much of this is down to the superb cast, John Marquez and Tim Macmillan are hilarious as the eponymous Neville and OCD crazed and delusional Angus. Adrian Edmondson does what he does best as the increasingly aggressive Gordon, but it is Rufus Hound who stole the day with the beautifully played role of Roy, damaged by bereavement and by faith.

Full marks too for a superb set, with rain again, from Robert Innes Hopkins and beautiful lighting by Howard Harrison. Chichester loves to flood a stage but this time it was really worthwhile and the damp atmosphere of a truly grim Lakeland weekend is perfectly conveyed as the drizzle comes and goes but the water continues to fall from the island copse, a huddle of dripping trees. And detail is everywhere, from the Westmoreland slate boulders at the water's edge to the mad survival equipment in Angus’s rucksack, which they fail to either discover or use to any great effect.

As a study of the psyche of middle management it’s not particularly sharp, but as a study of men in general, thrown into an alien world, it is hilariously insightful.

Andrew Kay

A LITTLE NONSENSE

It’s rare to discover a show which succeeds in balancing genuine hilarity and powerful drama, but Juncture Theatre certainly managed it. This refreshing twohander fused elements of drama, comedy, poetry, clowning and improvisation to brilliant effect, creating a thought-provoking and thoroughly enjoyable show. Adam Blake and Harry Humberstone played off each other brilliantly, forming a dynamic and captivating double act and fully exploring the elements of light and shade within the well crafted script. A real gem of a show.

Upstairs at Three And Ten, 20 September 2013 ✪✪✪✪ Adam Lindsay

THE DUCKWORTH LEWIS METHOD

Cloaked in neo-colonial garb, the gentlemen and players of Neil Hannon and Thomas Walsh’s celebration of all things crickety, The Duckworth Lewis Method, rattled through their allotted overs at a fair lick, and if the intensity fell away a little in those difficult middle overs, there was enough in the tank to get the crowd to their feet at the death. Relentlessly witty, wellinformed and knowledgeable, this is a band slick enough to improvise a cover of ‘Downtown’, then nonchalantly let it collapse. They’re really just out to have fun.

St George’s Church, 20 September 2013 ✪✪✪✪ Pete Langman

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018_021_LS648_previews_editorial 27/09/2013 09:43 Page 3 Foreste

WHAT’S ON STAGE

19

STAGE: LOVING SANDI

>THIS WEEK’S MUST SEES

Comedian, broadcaster and author Sandi Toksvig talks about her tour My Valentine at The Hawth in Crawley

Beowulf

Theatre Royal Brighton Tues 1–Tues 8 October Box office 08448 717 650 www.atgtickets.com/brighton

Cabaret Congress Theatre, Eastbourne Tues 1–Sat 5 October Box office 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk

Another Country Minerva Theatre, Chichester Until Sat 19 October Box office 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk

Mugenkyo Taiko Drummers Pavilion Theatre, Worthing Thurs 3 October Box office 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

Tell us about My Valentine...

“I decided to call the tour My Valentine because it’s my valentine to life. I have a passion for life and honestly feel that we should all just bloody well get out there and enjoy it. Spike Milligan once said that jokes should be available on the NHS and there’s something in that. My intention is that people will come and see the show, have a laugh, enjoy themselves and, hopefully, walk out of the theatre feeling a little bit better than when they arrived.”

London from Lancashire at the age of 18, she brought two things with her: an A-Z and Debrett’s Guide To Etiquette. In life, we all need to know how to get around and how to behave. I hope it isn’t one of those pompous books that tells you off for using the wrong spoon or anything like that. It isn’t a me-on-mysoapbox book. I’m just trying to offer a little gentle guidance.”

Where did you get this ‘passion for life’?

“When I was 21, I was seriously ill.

I don’t want this to sound too dramatic, but it was touch and go for a while. I’m not a religious person, but that whole experience changed everything for me. I’m determined to be cheerful... determined to seek out all the interesting stuff that the world’s got to offer.”

Most people probably know you from Radio 4’s The News Quiz or TV shows like QI. How does it feel to be back on a live stage?

“Performing live was where it all started for me. I can’t believe it was 32 years ago. In this age of tabloid headlines, it’s very easy to get cynical about the job I do, but there’s a wonderful simplicity to being on stage. If the audience is enjoying what you’re doing, they will laugh. If they’re not, they’ll tell you to push off.”

You’ve also got a new book out at the moment, Peas & Queues: The Minefield Of Modern Manners.

Do manners matter in 2013?

“They matter more than ever. You’ve only got to look at the recent rows over Twitter to see what happens when there are no set rules about how we behave. It’s a bit like the Wild West of manners out there.

When my partner, Debbie, came to

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE!

Do you find writing easy?

“I don’t always like the process of writing, but I like seeing the end result. My father was a journalist, so he was always writing and, rather bizarrely, he compared the process to eating fish. He said: ‘First you must land the fish. Then, you fillet out the rubbish and enjoy the tasty bits’. There’s a section of the show where I talk about why I write and encourage the audience to write... we’ve all got a story to tell. No matter how many Kindles there are out there, people will always love books.

Books can change lives. If George Bush had just read one book about Afghanistan, the world might be a different place. Actually, the world might be a different place if George Bush had just read one book.”

You’ve also written plays, you’re Chancellor of the University of Portsmouth, you’ll be appearing in the Christmas edition of Call The Midwife... how do you choose the projects you get involved in?

“It’s either got to be something that makes me happy, like playing a grumpy polio nurse in the wonderful Call The Midwife, or something I care about, like education. My generation has done a huge disservice to the current generation by forcing them to pay for their education. I feel a lot of rage about that and I guess that I’m trying to give something back. I help out with staff training days at the university and, last July, I personally graduated and shook the hands of about 4,500 students.”

We can’t let you go without mentioning The News Quiz...

“Did you know it’s now a worldwide phenomenon? I’ve actually been invited to perform in New Zealand and Australia next year, partly because of the success of The News Quiz down there. I like to think people enjoy the show – and I’m told it’s Radio 4’s most popular panel show of all time – because it’s not nasty, vile or personal. Yes, we make jokes, but it’s a very inclusive show.

In that sense, I suppose it’s a bit like My Valentine. Every night of the tour, there’s me and a couple of thousand mates having a bit of a laugh with each other. We get the audience on their feet, we have a history quiz... there’s even a Q&A session.”

What’s the best question you’ve been asked on stage?

“Some of the questions are hilarious.

A woman in Bradford wanted to know my bra size! I couldn’t actually remember, so she had to come up and have a look.”

How would you like this tour to be remembered?

“People came, they laughed, they went home again smiling. That’ll do for me.”

Sandi Toksvig, My Valentine, Tuesday 8 October, The Hawth, Crawley Box office 01293 553636 www.tickets.hawth.co.uk

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018_021_LS648_previews_editorial 27/09/2013 09:46 Page 4

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WHAT’S ON COMEDY&FILM, ART&EVENTS

COMEDY: BRIGHTON COMEDY FESTIVAL The cream of comedy comes to Brighton. So we asked some of them what they liked best about our city rapturous reception. I was even signed to a Brighton based label [Janomi Records] for a couple of years. Basically, my memories of Brighton are overwhelmingly good, hence the love being forever reciprocal.”

Doc Brown: Of Mic And Men, Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, Saturday 12 October, 10pm, £14

David Baddiel “I like Brighton because: it’s got a pavilion, but not a cricket one (don’t like cricket); if you add Rock to it you get one of my favourite novels and indeed films; it has a comedy festival; it has a pier, one of the best and most eccentric of inventions, a thing that could only have been born in the surreal world that is the English seaside; and it has three synagogues, but is also, according to some poll or the other, one of the least religious places in the UK (as an atheist Jew this makes me think I should live there).”

David Baddiel: Fame – Not The Musical, Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, Thursday 10 October, 9.30pm, £17.50 Doc Brown “A decade ago when I was a wannabe rapper pushing my wares onto unsuspecting members of the public, there was only one place that proved consistently receptive.

Perhaps it was the fresh sea air, the tolerance of alternative lifestyles or the vociferous support for free and independent enterprise, but Brighton always seemed to love me. From a little corner dive called the Pressure Point, to the Concorde, I always seemed to be guaranteed a

Lucy Porter I have a love/hate relationship with Brighton. I love it, because it’s where my earliest seaside memories come from. At the first hint of sun we’d bomb down from Croydon and spend the day eating fish and chips and going on the rides at the end of the pier. I hate it because over the years, loads of my mates have decided to move to Brighton when they have kids. Just as salmon in Alaska swim upstream to spawn, everyone I know seems to migrate down the M23. I’ll soon be left flapping around and gasping for

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE!

breath all alone in London.”

Lucy Porter: Northern Soul, Studio, Brighton Dome, Saturday 19 October, 7.45pm, £12.10 Steve Hughes (one of The Lumberjacks) “I always had one reason for liking Brighton: in the 10 years I and many other comics spent on the comedy circuit, whenever we would play in Brighton at Komedia we would stay at an old boarding house run by Bill and Agnes. They only ever had comedians or musicians staying there as they liked the company of interesting, eccentric people who liked a drink or several, and we would spend many a drunken night talking and laughing away into the wee hours that it made the long train ride down from Manchester all the more worth it. They weren't young either but they were old school and put many a lightweight to shame when it came to a night on the sauce and other assorted nibbles so to speak. They have moved away now and I haven’t

seen them for many years but they were intelligent, hard partying evolved eccentric souls whose company will always give me fond memories of Brighton.”

Stewart Francis, Craig Campbell and Glenn Wool are The Lumberjacks, Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, Saturday 12 October, 7.30pm, £16 Brighton Comedy Festival, 01273 709709, www.brightoncomedyfestival.com

Follow me: latestvicky

COMEDY: MARK THOMAS: 100 ACTS OF MINOR DISSENT Subversive, funny, imaginative and full of inventive ways to influence the world in which we live. A truly uplifting and inspirational show packed full of mischief.

The Ritz, Worthing, Fri 4 October, 8pm, £tbc EVENTS: THE MAKERS BOUTIQUE This arts and crafts market is the perfect opportunity to shop from the latest collections of local makers while meeting the makers themselves. There is also a great selection of teas, coffee, cake and sandwiches to enjoy while browsing.

Brighton Unitarian Church, Sat 5 Oct, 11am–5pm, Free EVENTS: MARK KERMODE: HATCHET JOB – LOVE MOVIES, HATE CRITICS The UK's most trusted film critic Mark Kermode will be coming to the Duke of Yorks to talk about his new book Hatchet Job. Expect blunt opinions, entertaining anecdotes and the chance to ask him your own questions. You may also get a chance to have your book signed by the man himself.

Duke of York's Picturehouse, Mon 7 Oct, 8pm, £15 EVENT: DIGITAL LATE As part of the Brighton Digital Festival, Lighthouse will be turning Brighton Museum into a storyspace with games and tales embedded into the collections and exhibits.

Games designers and artists will show how stories and ideas that began on digital networks cross over to the real world.

Brighton Museum and Art Gallery, Thurs 26 Sept, 7pm, £5/7 FILM: FILTH (18) Dir: Jon S. Baird James McAvoy becomes embroiled in some wrongdoings yet again, only this time he plays the villianous, mentally ill drug addict Bruce who also happens to be a cop. Despite these delightful attributes, Bruce attempts to fight

Brighton’s listings in one click: thelatest.co.uk On your mobile: thelatest.co.uk

Ask the experts Putting the record straight on health & beauty myths

Will working out with weights make you too bulky & put on weight?

Promote your business & reach 100,000 readers From fitness & nutrition to hair & beauty, Wave is Brighton’s essential monthly wellbeing guide, only inside Latest 7

To be involved, contact Rachel now on 01273 818150 x105

Are flat shoes as bad as wearing high heels?

Does wearing glasses actually make your vision worse?

018_021_LS648_previews_editorial 27/09/2013 09:46 Page 5 Maggie Claringbould King Creosote

WHAT’S ON MUSIC&FILM, ART&EVENTS textile installations made up of donated items in a charity shop.

Various venues, Bexhill on sea.

Until Sun 6 October

How I Live Now

for his marriage and his job.

Released Fri 4 Oct Showing at Odeon and Cineworld FILM: HOW I LIVE NOW (15) Dir: Kevin MacDonald Looks like the typical British weather is the last thing Saoirse Ronan has to worry about as the third world war breaks out whilst her and her American family are holidaying in the English countryside. Based on the best selling book by Meg Rosoff.

Released Fri 4 Oct Showing at Odeon and Cineworld ART: NAVIGATE Twenty artists, from Bexhill and the local area, will be exhibiting their work in 18 shops and locations in Bexhill for two weeks as part of the Coastal Currents Arts Festival. Work includes abstract canvases in a record shop, biological specimens under glass domes in the funeral directors and Beatrice Von Preussen

ART: BEATRICE VON PREUSSEN Using print, collage and zinc plate etching to create a range of engaging images with a strong sense of narrative, Von Preussen's work contains hints of traditional nostalgia with a bright contemporary edge.

Pelham House, St Andrew's Lane, Lewes, 01273 488600. Until Tues 12 Nov. MUSIC: LEE THOMPSON ORCHESTRA The brainchild of Madness saxophonist Mr Lee ‘Kix’ Thompson, Lee Thompson’s Ska Orchestra concentrate on the the ska and reggae rhythms that burst out of Jamaica in the mid to late ‘60s. The band also features fellow Madness original Mark ‘Bedders’ Bedford on bass. New album The Benevolence Of Sister Mary Ignatius was produced

by Brighton's own Mike Pelanconi aka Prince Fatty.

Concorde 2, Wed 2 October, 7.30pm, £15 MUSIC: RYAN KEEN New kid on the blues block, Keen combines excellent guitar with percussion, great singing and a number of simple yet elegant songs.

He's doing it the old fashioned way, slogging away on the gig circuit, but much like his mate Ed Sheeran (who features on current single Old Scars), he’s quickly rising to the very top. New album Room For Light has just been dropped.

Concorde 2, Sun 6 October, 7pm, £9 For full details of film times: www.odeon.co.uk www.picturehouses.co.uk www.cineworld.co.uk www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

Listings Send your stage listings to: stage@thelatest.co.uk Send your comedy listings to: comedy@thelatest.co.uk Send your events listings to: events@thelatest.co.uk Send your arts listings to: art@thelatest.co.uk Send your music listings to: music@thelatest.co.uk Send your club listings to: clubs@thelatest.co.uk Send your gay listings to: gay@thelatest.co.uk

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE!

21

MUSIC: ANDY FAIRWEATHER LOW Jeff Hemmings catches up with the legendary musician

T

here is a good chance you won’t have heard of Andy Fairweather Low, or know much about him. The older folk among you might know him better: not only did he score major hits with his band Amen Corner (‘Bend Me, Shape Me’, ‘(If Paradise Is) Half As Nice’), but also as a solo artist in the ‘70s (‘Wide Eyed And Legless’). Many a teenage girl had a poster of him adorning their walls back in the day...

Fairweather Low perhaps knew his limitations as a pop star early enough to set out on the road of being a session musician from the late ’70s; not any ordinary session player mind, but one who has played, recorded and toured with the likes of Eric Clapton, George Harrison, Van Morrison, The Who and Roger Waters among others. A fine singer as well as guitarist, you will have heard him on countless recordings.

Finally, after 26 years in the shadows, he made his own record, ‘Sweet Soulful Music’, released in 2006. “I was making a living, playing with Roger Waters for 24 years [as well as Clapton et al]. I had no inclination [to make a record]; I was happy playing, being paid very well, sleeping and eating very well. And then I got the bug, I wanted to play, and write songs again.

“My job was not to deviate from that path: I would play the opening riff of ‘Layla’ or whatever, and then Eric would do the solo; I would play the opening of ‘Tears In Heaven’ and then Eric would sing. With Roger Waters I would play bass a lot of the time, while he strummed the acoustic, and when he played bass I would play the guitar. I hate the word utility, but it kinda sums it up – I was a utility player.”

‘Sweet Soulful Music’ was made with his newly formed band The Low Riders, who currently feature Paul Beavis and Dave Bronze and Nick Pentelow. Bronze co-produced the new Low Riders album, Zone-O-Tone, an excellent album that captures the current zeitgeist for all things ‘authentic’.

Welsh born and raised, Fairweather Low has lived in Wales all but a few years of his life. “I came to London with Amen Corner in ’66, and between ’71 and ’72 I came back and have lived here ever since. They built the motorway and the InterCity 125 and with the internet it’s all a lot easier.

When I was working for other people, the phone either rang or it didn’t; it didn't matter where you were.”

As for recent projects. he reels them off: “I’m in another band with The Gaddabouts, with Steve Gadd and Edie Brickell. We've just recorded out third album. I also did three weeks with Eric, played Glastonbury with Bill Wyman, Chris Barber’s 60th anniversary concert, and I've just done 16/18 tracks with Tom Jones... I’m busy and loving it, absolutely loving it!”

Komedia, Wednesday 2 October, 7.30pm, £24.75

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022_023_LS648_brightonafterdark_editorial 26/09/2013 10:15 Page 2

22

WHAT’S ON CLUBS

L7 Bmusic I used to write letters I used to sign my name / I used to sleep at night / Before the flashing lights settled deep in my brain

O

nce upon a time, there was a magical place called MTV where all the music videos would play and be merry. Indeed, those days are long gone, but the internet isn’t such a bad replacement, eh?

These days, some of the most enjoyable music videos are interactive — the ones that take you on a delightful ride through a personalised audio-visual experience.

Arcade Fire’s new video, ‘Reflektor’, has arrived, and it’s a doozy; much more of an interactive experience than a music video. Visitors to JustAReflektor.com can both get a glimpse at the band’s new material and, using a mouse, mobile phone, or tablet, can manipulate the effects used the video. The clip was directed by longtime Arcade Fire collaborator Vincent Morisset, and was filmed in Jacmel, Haiti. According to the site containing the video, the clip tells the story of “a young woman who travels between her world and our own”, and by using a mouse to manipulate the images, that individual viewers thereby become “reflektors”.

Then there’s the group’s previous ‘The Wilderness Downtown’ located at TheWildernessDowntown.com which is a must see interactive video for the Arcade Fire track ‘We Used To Wait’ off their album The Suburbs. It offers a video with the weird rush of conflicted nostalgia that most of us feel when we look up our childhood homes on Google Street View. “Video” is probably actually the wrong term here. Arcade Fire teamed up with Chris Milk to create a personalised experience that opens up tons of windows on your desktop and uses your own address to create a rush of images that'll be unique to whoever ends up watching.

The video is an amazing exploration of new media techniques and HTML5 programming. A work of art that will be of interest not only to Arcade Fire fans, but to anyone interested in the wide range of possibilities available with new HTML and CSS standards. Music moves from its origins of soundscapes into audio-visual landscapes to be interacted with.

You can interact with us at www.facebook.com/BmusicTV

SADE ALI PARTIES WITH THE FRESHERS AT AUDIO

L

ast week I visited B**tard Pop at Audio on Thursday, it was my first time to this night but definitely not my last. Partying with the new promo team for DotDotDot Promotions showed me how the Freshers really do things. As I walked into the club ‘Welcome To Jamrock’ was playing and I knew from then that I was about to have a messy night.

Here are a few snaps courtesy of Justin De Souza (www.freshtodeath.com)

BAD Words: Ben Darling Pic: Ben Darling

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Youtube.com/thisisBmusic

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@SadeAli

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022_023_LS648_brightonafterdark_editorial 26/09/2013 10:16 Page 3

WHAT’S ON CLUBS

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>DON’T MISS< BRIGHTON NOISE FADED A fairly new addition to the midweek clubbing nights, Faded brings the best of fresh R’n’B and Hip Hop to the party animals who don't need it to be the weekend to have a good time. From the team behind Lollipop.

Coalition, Tues 1 Oct, 11pm, £2/4

Alastair Reid on Brighton creativity

U

WHY WEDNESDAYS? Why Wednesdays indeed. As a student night boasting to play some great chart music, what more excuse do you need to take a night off studying and blow off some well-deserved steam? Also open to steam accumulating non-students.

Wah Kiki, Weds 2 Oct, 10.30pm, £3 #HASHTAG Looking for funky house with added Twitter gimmicks on a Friday night?

Well, you,re in luck as Smack provides just the thing. Take a break from all the other indie, poppyy, charty nights and funk it on a Friday night.

Smack, Fri 4 Oct, 8pm, £4/3

VICE Well, well, one of Brighton’s newest club nights not only promises unbeatable music spread over two floors but to also leave you immorally corrupt due to a huge amount of debauchery and lost inhibitions. Party if you dare.

Life, Sat 5 Oct, 11pm, £5

Pic Tom Scrace

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE!

nlike many young Brightonians, I’ve been lucky enough to live in the same house with the same people for a good number of years, unbeset by the woes of regular house moves. It is not without its troubles though. Creative types are thrift store magpies, building nests of threadbare instruments and sparky equipment that hope to somehow defy the laws of chemistry and become useful again. A trumpet with a turquoise tint, piano wires turned woody brown, crackling speakers fuzz out a tune on plastic keys until the melody is broken by another short circuit. There are working instruments, but they’re all part of an ongoing tessellation game between guitar cases and broken mixing desks that someone was meant to fix. Then there’s the cat. And no one cleans the sink.

A chain supermarket down the road is the nearest to sell alcohol, the only controlled substance scientifically proven to stimulate creativity (blood alcohol level of 0.07, look it up), so we’ve come to know the staff who are in it for the long haul on a small talk, first name, “you alright mate?” “yeah, alright mate” basis.

Stumbling towards the point in all this, it turns out one smiley and loquacious chap spotted “my ugly mug” on these here pages and is a writer and poet who is sending his first book to American publishers and won a recent Brighton poetry prize.

Although somewhat trite, the conclusion I’m blindly scrabbling at is that our city is awash with those who want more and do more than just get by. An apocalyptic plague of ladettes and stag nights may swarm the streets on weekends but day to day, door to door, everyone is making their mark on the world in a way that we, as a community, should endeavour to discover, support, and appraise. Let's remember that next time we’re buying a bottle of wine or walking down a terraced street of anonymous houses.

Ahem, music. The melancholy post-punk of oxymoronic Soft Arrows and Sigur Ros-on-steroids Nordic Giants both release records this week. Get on that. Then Son Belly, Kraken Mare and Nature Channel play the Green Door Store on Wednesday before a bumper session of new-wave Brighton bands play the same venue all day Sunday. Get on that too. Now, here’s to you Bradford Middleton. You would probably have said all this better than me.

@BrightonNoise

Brighton’s listings in one click: thelatest.co.uk On your mobile: thelatest.co.uk

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STARS | TV

STARS With Val Aviv

★ARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

Where one or two major relationships are concerned, you get the chance to tighten the sails of your love boat. The new Moon promises a fresh start to readdress the balance in a joint union. Love has a transformative effect.

★TAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

You may need an adjustment phase to take a slightly more leisurely approach to your working routine. The new Moon insists that habits are given the once over for the purpose of inner harmony, balance and health. Love beckons.

★GEMINI {May 22–June 21}

You can really embrace the whole of humanity in moments of inspired visions but gaining a day to day perspective on your own mundane existence may prove a little more challenging.

Not everything is about reaching a goal.

★CANCER {June 22–July 22}

If a love interest from a dark period in your history raises its head, it may be worth noting that a lot has changed in the interim. The success comes not from what presents itself, but how you choose to deal with it.

★LEO {July 23–Aug 22}

Don’t get hoodwinked by flattery, the stroking of egos is a very easy way for someone to get what they want. It’s fine to give into the desires of others, so long as it’s because you want to.

Charm is a double-edged sword used for both good and evil.

★VIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

You may be drawn into the secret mystery, as life unveils little when what you’d really like is for it to reveal all. Your imagination could be drawing all kinds of conclusions now, but the truth of the matter is so hard to see.

★LIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

The new Moon in your sign is your yearly chance to shed some skin and regenerate, revealing a newer, brighter and fresher you. Say goodbye to the pains of yesterday as the future appears suddenly changed. Finances are looking up this week.

★SCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

Everyone’s looking for you to take the lead. You’ve got some wise ideas which are worth sharing. Hard wired communicator Mercury is in your sign and mentally you can articulate with greater speed and accuracy, it’s a transitory phase so put it to good use and get interactive.

★SAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

Your current state of being resembles an extraterrestrial in the room, you may have to accept a lack of understanding from your peers. Being ahead of your time isn’t an easy burden, but humanity is relying on you to push your creative boundaries to the limit.

★CAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

Leaving your comfort zone behind is another way to experience your inner resilience, adaptability and strength. You can surprise yourself! The new Moon sets you apart from others as you are given a platform with which to shine upon.

★AQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

Are you really going to waste time on the romantic chase, when everyone knows Aquarian success lies in the silent confidence of aloof indifference? Of course, that’s why partners are so hell bent on raising the dramatic bar, in a plea that you might actually notice them. As usual, play it cool!

★PISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

You’ve just got to get more adventurous is the simple message that should be screaming at you. You want to feel alive and the only way to do that is to grab the real world by the horns and ride! Think of what you’ve got to give and aim to deliver. Stamp in the face of adversity!

Val Aviv is the presenter for Brighton Lights on Latest TV www.thelatest.tv For more astrological insights and monthly horoscopes visit www.valaviv.com or for a personal astrological reading contact Val Aviv at: astrology@valaviv.com

L7 TV Your weekly TV guide 81 – 7 OCTOBER discussed at great length before (never during) and after. It’s become cinematic – almost geeky in the details there to embrace. When I went on the trip of a lifetime to New York I did not forget to drop into both the HBO and the NBC shops. Did you With Victoria Nangle know that you can buy a full scale Game Of Thrones sword that actually opens up into a golfing umbrella? And rather fetching ‘Bada Bing’ caps referencing one of the main iconic shows of the last decade, The Sopranos? There’s a silhouette on it your mother would be none too pleased with. Personally, I’d like to find a Don hen I was a kid one of the shows I loved Draper ashtray to give to my dad next birthday. was Telly Addicts. No big surprise there. I The point is that television shows are no longer on was studious, buckled down and did my after the news, they now make the news. Telly homework and was rewarded with nights in front Addicts would be able to take over a whole channel of the TV and occasional omnipotence over the with its spin-offs and genre-twisting categories. remote control. There were four channels, I knew Noel’s beard would frizz at the sheer enormity of what I liked on each of them, and my grandmother the task. kept telling me I was going to get square eyes The good news, from this state of affairs, is that from watching too much television. there is always someone somewhere who can tell Fast forward into the twenty-first you about the next box set you century and to be deemed an expert should be requesting for “Noel’s beard on what’s on TV you must know not Christmas or when you next are only what’s on the 30 odd channels with a busted leg. The would frizz at the bedridden you might get with your Freeview bad news is that sometimes the box, but also what you’re missing on sheer enormity programmes without the massive the premium channels (I still really publicity and hype machines want to see Big Bad World and can’t of the task” behind them can get overlooked find a pal with Paramount I can in the schedules. If you’ve TVO’d hijack the sofa of for an evening), all of your favourite show, when and what’s coming up. By that I mean release dates are you going to end up stumbling upon Stateside and over in the UK, helpfully delivered by something utterly random simply channel-hopping several websites, depending upon your oeuvre of through the cosmos of an evening? programme. Clearly we had to mourn the end of Essentially, my plea to you is to take a moment, Breaking Bad long before it actually came to a once in a while, to step out of your timetable of close. It was months in the coming, as the final honest-to-god recommended classics and take a season was announced, then the fact that it would punt on some unknown viewing. Be a televisual be released in two parts, and then finally the aweexplorer once in a while, boldly going where no inspiring end. Oh, but it was cushioned by the soft critic has recommended you go. You might just release of the fact there’s going to be a spin-off, so find some glorious treasures amongst the haul. we won’t all have to go off and try and find our meth-selling-teacher story arch fix elsewhere.

These days watching TV has become less of a Follow me: latestvicky thing you do quietly at home and more of an event

Telly Talk

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tuesday 1 The Wrong Mans BBC2, 9pm Nick Moran had such a promising start as the lead in Guy Ritchie’s Lock Stock... but since then he’s turned up as Adam Ant in an independent short, a goon in Harry Potter and various other roles in the sidelines of film trivia.

Now he’s back in centre stage with a sitcom and in strife – his missus has been kidnapped!

CSI: NY Channel Five, 9pm A veritable US crime feast to delve into tonight, kicking off with this new episode from the final series of New York’s finest fingerprint collectors. A masked figure is found dead at the bottom of a notorious skyscraper – quite how a building acquires notoriety remains to be seen – and the team set to reveal all.

Bad Education BBC3, 10pm You know when the headmaster has a good idea that simply throws someone else’s plans right out? That. Mr Fraser organises a guest speaker for Drugs Awareness Day. Meanwhile Stephen’s parents want him to leave Abbey Grove.

Can Alfie persuade them to let him stay? Or will they just say no?

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BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Real Rescues 11.45 Claimed And Shamed 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Country Show Cook Off 4.15 Flog It! 5.15 Pointless

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Real Rescues 7.50 Claimed And Shamed 8.20 Wanted Down Under 9.05 Britain’s Big Wildlife Revival 10.05 The Incredible Spice Men 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00 Classic Mastermind 1.30 The Weakest Link 2.15 Great British Menu 2.45 Oceans: Indian Ocean – Coastal Waters 3.45 Elephant Diaries 4.15 South Pacific 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball is back for another dazzling series of It Takes Two. 7.00 Hairy Bikers’ Bakeation The Hairy Bikers start their epic 5,000-mile bakeation in Kristiansund on Norway’s stunning west coast.

8.00 The Great British Bake Off With only six bakers left in the tent the stakes are getting higher and this week they face pastry.

9.00 The Wrong Mans See highlights.

9.30 The Sarah Millican Television Programme Sarah Millican with special guests: Michael Palin, former Blue Peter presenter Helen Skelton, and antiques guru Tim Wonnacott.

10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Joining Jools in the studio are Glaswegian art rockers Franz Ferdinand, Goldfrapp, Gregory Porter, James Blake, and Radkey.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference 11.50 The Crane Gang 12.50am Sign Zone: The United States Of Television: America In Primetime 4.00 Fazer’s Urban Takeover – Learning Zone 4.30 Adapting Carmen: Re-imagining 5.00 The Charles Dickens Show (x3) 5.55 Wonders Of Nature: Emperor Penguin - Caring

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale The police aim to discover the truth behind Jimmy’s accident. Amy receives surprising news from Joanie.

7.30 UEFA Champions League Live: Celtic V Barcelona A passionate Glasgow crowd will hope that Celtic can reproduce last season’s extraordinary victory over Champions League legends Barcelona. But with Barcelona having made a perfect winning start to their Spanish League campaign and with Lionel Messi scoring freely, it looks a daunting challenge for the Scottish champions.

Adrian Chiles is joined at Celtic Park by former Celtic manager Gordon Strachan, along with Roy Keane and Lee Dixon. Commentary comes from Clive Tyldesley and Andy Townsend.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time Matt Smith is joined by Joe Cole and Raphael Honigstein for a look back at another busy night of Champions League action. With commentary from Clive Tyldesley, Andy Townsend and Jon Champion.

11.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA Jeremy Kyle presents the American version of his popular talk show.

12.20am Jackpot247 3.00 Loose Women 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

6.00 – 7.35am Children’s television 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Milkshake! Monkey 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Animal Maternity 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Law And Order: Criminal Intent 3.15 Inside Hollywood 3.20 FILM: Jane Doe: Eye Of The Beholder (2008) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Heath and Bianca work through their differences, but their public display of affection is witnessed by Zac. 6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 Fat, Sick And Nearly Dead Uplifting documentary following Australian Joe Cross, 100lbs overweight and suffering from a debilitating autoimmune disease, as he attempts to regain control of his health. Cheery.

8.00 New Cowboy Builders Dom Littlewood and Melinda Messenger track down the UK’s most terrible tradesmen and try to rectify the chaos that they have left behind them.

9.00 CSI: NY See highlights.

10.00 Castle US mystery series.

Castle and Beckett probe the death of a famous psychic who seems to have predicted her own murder.

10.55 Body Of Proof Medical mystery series. A young, interracial couple are found shot dead inside their car.

11.50 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series. News of a company’s falling stock and fraud investigation may be the key behind an employee’s murder.

12.40am True Crimes: The First 72 Hours 1.05 SuperCasino 3.55 Great Scientists 4.20 Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 Wildlife SOS

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ford Monday Night Football 11.30 SPFL Round-Up 12.00pm FL72 Review 1.00 Soccer AM 2.00 Ford Monday Night Football 4.30 Football Gold (x2) 5.00 Barclays Premier League Review 6.00 Revista De La Liga 7.00 Sportswomen 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Barclays Premier League Review 12.00am UEFA Champions League 1.00 Football Gold (x2) 1.30 Football Asia 2.00 Revista De La Liga

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders David continues to try and win Carol over, but has he done enough to earn his stay in Walford?

8.00 Holby City After making the decision to miss out on the birth of his grandson, Hanssen takes his frustrations out on Chantelle, much to the chagrin of Arthur.

9.00 New Tricks Miller is faced with a dilemma when the investigation of a corrupt senior officer calls into question the conviction of Edward Monroe - who she believes to be guilty of murdering her old work partner. Pre-empting an appeal, UCOS must carry out preliminary investigative work for Strickland.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Stephen Lawrence Unity Concert Highlights of the concert starring Ed Sheeran, Ellie Goulding, Emeli Sande, Jamie Cullum, Jessie J, Labrinth, Plan B, Rita Ora, Rizzle Kicks, Rudimental, Tinie Tempah, and special guests.

11.35 Who Do You Think You Are? Celebrity genealogy series. Veteran BBC news reporter and world affairs editor John Simpson investigates his own family.

12.35am Weatherview 12.40 News

6.25am The Treacle People 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 According To Jim 7.30 Will And Grace 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Frasier 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.00 Four Rooms 11.00 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 River Cottage Every Day 1.10 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures 1.30 FILM: Siege Of The Saxons (1963) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Teen drama. It’s the day of Ste’s court hearing.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 4thought.tv 8.00 Double Your House For Half The Money In Horsham, plasterer Jason and his partner Sarah pull in favours from his friends in the trade in order to get the extension completed.

9.00 My Big Fat Gypsy Christening Documentary series exploring the lives of Gypsies and Travellers. This special episode looks at the communities’ approach to birth and death.

10.00 London Irish Sitcom. Four young friends from Northern Ireland experience life in England. Bronagh wakes up the morning after a wedding party wearing the bride’s dress.

10.30 My Tattoo Addiction Reality series looking at the world of tattoos.

11.35 Celebrity Fifteen To One Fifteen to One returns for a celebrity special hosted by The Last Leg’s Adam Hills.

12.30am Random Acts 12.35 PokerStars.com And MonteCarlo Casino European Poker Tour 1.30 American Football: Hard Knocks 2.25 KOTV Boxing Weekly 2.55 Beach Volleyball FIVB 3.50 Mobil 1 The Grid 4.20 Blancpain Endurance 5.15 Great North Swim

Sky Sports 2 6.00am SPFL Round-Up 6.30 WWE Afterburn 7.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 8.30 Trilby Tour Golf 9.30 European Tour Golf 10.30 Sporting Greats 11.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 12.30pm Trilby Tour Golf 1.30 European Tour Golf 2.30 Football Gold 2.45 Football Gold 2.55 UEFA Champions League (x8) 4.55 LIVE UEFA Champions League (x2) 10.00 Champions League Goals 11.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 12.00am Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 12.30 Trilby Tour Golf 1.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2)

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Ford Monday Night Football 8.30 Elite League Speedway 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Road To Kona Ironman 12.00pm Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 12.30 Thrillseekers 1.00 Spruce Meadows Showjumping 2.00 Road To Kona Ironman 2.30 Super League Full Time 3.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 4.00 Spruce Meadows Showjumping 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Super League Grand Final Archive 7.15 Super League: Grand Final Gold 7.30 Super League Full Time 8.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 9.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 10.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x4) 11.00 Sportswomen 11.30 World Series Of Poker 12.30am Challenge Series Golf Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

8.00am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 10.00 NCIS: LA (x4) 2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama 5.30 The Middle (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 An Idiot Abroad (x2) 10.00 NCIS: LA (x2) 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Ross Kemp Back On The Frontline 2.00 Road Wars

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 9.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 10.00 Bad Education. See highlights. 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Bad Education 1.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 2.00 Some Girls 2.30 Staying In With Greg And Russell

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 A Garden In Snowdonia 8.00 A Pembrokeshire Farm 8.30 Britain On Film 9.00 House Of Surrogates 10.30 Secret Voices Of Hollywood 12.00am Calf’s Head And Coffee: The Golden Age Of English Food 1.00 Britain On Film 1.30 A Pembrokeshire Farm

5.05pm The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 Peter Andre: My Life 9.00 The Magaluf Weekender 10.00 Crazy Beaches 10.30 Celebrity Juice 11.20 FILM: Harold And Kumar Get The Munchies (2004) 1.05am The Vampire Diaries 1.55 Life’s Funniest Moments

12.05pm Murder, She Wrote 1.00 Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.05 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 4.15 The Upper Hand 4.50 Second Thoughts 5.20 George And Mildred 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Midsomer Murders 10.00 DCI Banks 11.00 Law & Order: UK 12.00am Bomb Girls

4.00pm Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 8.30 The Big Bang Theory 9.00 Rules Of Engagement 9.30 Happy Endings 10.00 FILM: Run, Fat Boy, Run (2007) 12.00am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun: Home Or USA? 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 5.45 Location, Location, Location 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Building The Dream 10.00 Embarrassing Fat Bodies 11.05 24 Hours In A&E 12.10am Homeland

11.00am The Long Memory (1953) 12.50pm The Colditz Story (1954) 2.45 The Quiller Memorandum (1966) 4.50 To Catch A Thief (1955) 7.00 Bad News Bears (1976) 9.00 Independence Day (1996) 11.45 Chocolate (2008) 1.35am Shut Up And Play The Hits

S O 6.

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wednesday 2 The House That £100K Built BBC2, 8pm You know Grand Designs and those Sarah Beeney programmes where she tries to save families from losing their savings in a money pit? This is like that, expect it’s hosted by architectural journo and critic Kieran Long and award-winning architect Piers Taylor. And the kitty holds under £100k. Big challenge. Huge.

Wentworth Prison Channel Five, 10pm This gritty Australian prison drama reimagining is certainly sticking the boot in to those who can’t hack it in Clink. Vulnerable Toni is moved to a new unit – so Doreen’s kid could cut it but Toni can’t eh? Makes you feel well tough, Short Stuff. And Vera tries to get closer to Fletch. Because he’s a stable chap, right?

Girlfriends ITV2, 9pm It’s the last episode in the current series – boo! Emma Willis hosts as the three single ladies draw their whittling of 100 likely lads down to the final few and bring them home to meet the folks.

Harrowing even when not on TV. With two boys apiece it’s over to the parental verdict. Will any of them find love? Here’s hoping.

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¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Real Rescues 11.45 Claimed And Shamed 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Country Show Cook Off 4.15 Flog It! 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show.

8.00 Watchdog Consumer series with Anne Robinson, Matt Allwright and Chris Hollins.

9.00 The Great British Year Documentary series showing Britain’s changing look over the course of a year. Starting on New Year’s Day, Britain is in the grip of winter. Timelapses show a magical country shrouded in frost and mist swirling in hollows. Water becomes the enemy as it freezes, and the wildlife must cope.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Father Figure Sitcom. Tom is first to admit he is no domestic god but, when a national competition to find the House Husband of the Year is announced, he gets dragged into a rigorous training schedule.

11.05 Room 101 – Extra Storage Host Frank Skinner invites rock legend Alice Cooper, presenter Chris Tarrant and wildlife expert Chris Packham to compete to have their pet hates and peeves consigned to Room 101.

11.45 FILM: Judgment Night (1993) Starring Emilio Estevez, Cuba Gooding Jr. Urban thriller.

1.30am Weatherview 1.35 News

BBC2

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Real Rescues 7.45 Claimed And Shamed 8.15 Wanted Down Under 9.00 Hairy Bikers’ Meals On Wheels Back On The Road 10.00 Inspire: The Olympic Journey 10.30 See Hear 11.00 Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00pm Classic Mastermind 1.30 The Weakest Link 2.15 Great British Menu 2.45 Oceans 3.45 Elephant Diaries 4.15 South Pacific 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 5.55 Party Political Broadcast

By The Conservative Party 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Backstage gossip .

7.00 Hairy Bikers’ Bakeation The Hairy Bikers begin the second leg of their journey in the Netherlands, where they bake lazybones buns beside a windmill.

8.00 The House That £100k Built See highlights.

9.00 Science Britannica Professor Brian Cox guides viewers through 350 years of British science to reveal what science really is, who the people are who practise it, and how it is inextricably linked to the past, present and future of each of us.

10.00 The Culture Show: Jon Ronson Meets Malcolm Gladwell – Beware The Underdog Jon Ronson goes head to head with The Tipping Point author in his New York home to talk about his latest work.

10.30 Newsnight The stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 Today At Conference Highlights from the Conservative Party annual conference.

11.50 The Midwives – It’s Complicated Series following the work of midwives.

12.50am Sign Zone: See Hear 4.00 Poets In Person Nichols.

4.30 Simon Armitage, Writing Poems 5.00 Spark Spark.

ITV1

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.25 Party Political Broadcast

By The Conservative Party 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Marlon plans a huge surprise for Laurel. Kerry is worried to learn of Andy and Amy’s relationship.

7.30 Coronation Street Will David crumble as Tina piles on the pressure? Owen sets out to confront Phelan.

8.00 Big Star’s Little Star Stephen Mulhern presents the series in which three well-loved celebrities share the stage with some brand new co-stars - their own children.

9.00 Whitechapel Crime drama series featuring bizarre and macabre murders with a historical precedent.

Following Buchan’s kidnap, there is an oppressive atmosphere in the station. Chandler and Miles struggle to keep the team together, but they have become fearful and fractured.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Exposure Current affairs strand presenting new documentary films on a range of powerful and controversial subjects.

11.35 James Nesbitt’s Ireland James Nesbitt presents his eight-part guided tour of Ireland.

12.05am Jackpot247 3.00 British Touring Car Championship Highlights 4.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 According To Jim 7.30 Will And Grace 7.55 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.00 Four Rooms 11.00 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 River Cottage Every Day 1.05 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 1.30 FILM: Bugles In The Afternoon (1952) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ste has little time to comprehend his sentencing when he’s confronted by a family emergency.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 4thought.tv 8.00 The Three Day Nanny Reality series following experienced nanny Kathryn Mewes, who offers advice to the parents of the nation’s troublesome children. She visits Harrogate to help parents Lisa and Ross with three-year-old Jack and five-year-old Alfie.

9.00 Grand Designs Property series.

Flying instructor Colin Mackinnon and his partner, hovercraft instructor and trapeze artist Marta Briongos, have an ambitious plan to build an incredible metal sculptural home next to the runway of an airfield in Scotland. But the difficulties of building their design soon become apparent.

10.00 Gogglebox Television review comedy series narrated by Caroline Aherne.

10.45 My Big Fat Gypsy Ladies’ Day Documentary. This one-off special explores the unique bond between the Travelling community and their horses.

11.50 Random Acts 11.55 ITunes Festival 2013 12.50am Shameless USA 1.45 FILM: Mere Mehboob (1963) 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.40 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 7.20am Children’s television 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Milkshake!

Monkey 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 The Railway: First Great Western 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: Seventeen And Missing (2006) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away At Ricky’s trial, Brax is jailed for refusing to give his witness statement and the stress causes Tamara’s memories of her feelings for Casey to return.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 Robson’s Extreme Fishing Challenge Documentary series.

The Great Lakes of America contain one fifth of the world’s surface fresh water, and 10,000 miles of coastline: where better for the Geordie underdog to take on the global superpower?

8.00 Animal Maternity Documentary series visiting the UK’s top zoo breeding programmes, animal sanctuaries and farms.

9.00 NCIS: The Port-to-Port Killer US crime drama series. When Tony’s former partner is found murdered and linked to the Port-to-Port serial killer, Tony remembers his days as a detective in Baltimore, and recounts his first meeting with Gibbs.

10.00 Wentworth Prison See highlights.

11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. The CSIs investigate when a cop shoots a fellow officer dead. Was it a racially motivated murder, or a tragic error?

11.55 Inside Hollywood 12.00am The Big Game 12.50 SuperCasino 3.55 Great Scientists 4.20 Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 Wildlife SOS

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 UEFA Champions League 10.00 Barclays Premier League Review 11.00 Revista De La Liga 12.00pm Football Asia 12.30 Football Gold (x2) 1.00 UEFA Champions League 2.00 Barclays Premier League Review 3.00 Revista De La Liga 4.00 UEFA Champions League 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Football Gold (x2) 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 Total Rugby 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 What’s The Story?

11.00 Sporting Heroes

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 6.30 Football Gold (x2) 7.00 WWE Vintage 8.00 Barclays Premier League Review 9.00 Golfing World 9.30 Max Power 10.30 Triathlon 11.00 Sportswomen 11.30 Challenge Series Golf 12.00pm Squash 12.55 Sportswomen 1.25 Triathlon 1.55 Ladies European Tour Golf 2.55 UEFA Champions League (x8) 4.55 LIVE UEFA Champions League (x2) 10.00 Champions League Goals 11.00 Total Rugby 11.30 Fishing Gurus

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Champions League Goals 7.00 Revista De La Liga 8.00 Sports Unlimited 9.00 Long Course Weekend 9.30 Challenge Series Golf 10.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Thrillseekers 12.00pm Super League: Grand Final Gold 12.15 Super League Grand Final Archive 12.30 Challenge Series Golf 1.00 Sports Unlimited 2.00 Football Gold (x2) 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Football Asia 3.30 Triathlon 4.00 P1 Superstock Powerboating 4.30 WWE The Bottom Line 5.30 WWE Afterburn 6.30 Fishing Gurus 7.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 7.30 Champions Tour Golf 8.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 9.00 Boots ‘n’ All: Man Of Steel Special 10.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold 11.00 Champions Tour Golf Victoria Nangle

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10.00am NCIS: LA (x4) 2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama 5.30 The Middle (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Harrow: A Very British School 9.00 A League Of Their Own 10.00 Chickens 10.30 Don’t Sit In The Front Row 11.00 Road Wars (x2) 1.00am Ross Kemp Back On The Frontline

7.00pm Total Wipeout 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 Unsafe Sex In The City 10.00 Staying In With Greg And Russell 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Unsafe Sex In The City 1.30 Staying In With Greg And Russell

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 A Garden In Snowdonia 8.00 Guilty Pleasures: Luxury In The Middle Ages 9.00 Fabric Of Britain 10.00 Hidcote: A Garden For All Seasons 11.00 A Very British Murder With Lucy Worsley 12.00am Edgar Allan Poe: Love, Death And Women 1.00 A Garden In Snowdonia

1.00pm The Xtra Factor 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 4.10 The Real Housewives Of Vancouver 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x3) 9.00 Girlfriends. See higlhights.

10.00 FILM: Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason (2004) 12.15am Fake Reaction

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.05 Wild At Heart 3.05 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 4.15 The Upper Hand 4.50 Second Thoughts 5.20 George And Mildred 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Love Your Garden (x2) 10.00 Case Sensitive (x2) 12.05am Bomb Girls

4.00pm Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 FILM: Bandslam (2009) 10.15 Rude Tube 11.20 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut 12.10am The Big Bang Theory (x2) 1.10 Suburgatory

1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 5.45 Location, Location, Location 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 The Plot To Bring Down Britain’s Planes 10.35 Terror In The Skies (x2) 12.45am Homeland

11.00am The Enemy Below (1957) 12.55pm High Noon (1952) 2.35 The Drum (1938) 4.30 The Rare Breed (1966) 6.25 Dreamgirls (2006) 9.00 Four Lions (2010) 11.05 Domino (2005) 1.30am Mission To Lars (2012)

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thursday 3 Bargains In The Sun: Tonight ITV1, 7.30pm You know that little retirement cottage on the Costa Del Scorchio you always dreamed about and then shelved when Greece and Spain had their major financial hiccups? Maybe now’s the time to take that dream out of mothballs. Jonathan Maitland investigates property in the Eurozone and its current health.

Peaky Blinders BBC2, 9pm Never a dull moment in gangland 1919 Birmingham. Thomas Shelby’s war with the gypsies escalates, and the pressure’s on strong from Campbell to hand over the stolen guns. In a nonbanging fashion. And Thomas’ brother John looks all set to marry a former prostitute, whom Tom reckons is still on the game.

Don’t Trust The B––––– In Apartment 23 E4, 9pm It’s virtuous to be good, but so much fun to dip into bad. The most badly behaved flatmate, Chloe, is on the warpath when she discovers that her best pal James is still dating a girl that she had previously vetoed. *Gasp!* He’d better be prepared to bear the consequences.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Real Rescues 11.45 Claimed And Shamed 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Country Show Cook Off 4.15 Flog It! 5.15 Pointless

6.05am Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Real Rescues 7.50 Claimed And Shamed 8.20 Wanted Down Under 9.05 Robert Peston Goes Shopping 10.05 Raymond Blanc: How To Cook Well 10.35 HARDtalk 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Classic Mastermind 1.30 The Weakest Link 2.15 Great British Menu 2.45 Oceans: Arctic Ocean 3.45 Animal Park 4.15 South Pacific 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball presents all the backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action.

7.00 Hairy Bikers’ Bakeation The Hairy Bikers continue their journey in Germany, one of Dave’s favourite countries.

8.00 The Wonder Of Dogs Kate Humble, Steve Leonard and a team of canine experts reveal the innermost secrets of man’s best friend. In this episode, the team looks at the special relationship between people and dogs.

9.00 Peaky Blinders See highlights.

10.00 Mock The Week Dara O Briain and the team look back over another week’s events with guests Milton Jones, Miles Jupp and Josh Widdicombe.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 Science Britannica Professor Brian Cox guides viewers through 350 years of British science to reveal what science really is.

12.20am Sign Zone: Saving Syria’s Children – Panorama 4.00 The Time Traveller’s Guide To Elizabethan England - Learning Zone 5.00 Ancient Egypt: Life And Death In The Valley Of The Kings - Learning Zone 5.35 What Makes Me, Me? And Other Interesting Questions (x4)

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.25am The Treacle People 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 According To Jim 7.30 Will And Grace 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Frasier 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.00 Four Rooms 11.00 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 River Cottage Every Day 1.05 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures 1.20 FILM: The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Teen drama. John Paul struggles to comprehend Danny’s strange behaviour.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 4thought.tv 8.00 Location, Location, Location Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer present the series offering advice on buying a new home. Kirstie catches up with vicar Ian and his wife Peta, who were previously dealing with downsizing in east London, as Ian moved into retirement.

9.00 Educating Yorkshire Documentary series exploring life at a Yorkshire school, Thornhill Academy.

The Year 9 students choose their options for their GCSE courses.

10.00 My Tattoo Addiction Reality series looking at the world of tattoos.

This episode deals with people whose body art represents their way of moving on, from Cathy, whose obsession with a certain novel helped her come to terms with a difficult past, to Lindsey, who is getting her first tattoo in her 40s.

11.05 The Fried Chicken Shop Documentary series that follows the staff and customers in a London fried chicken shop.

12.10am Porn On The Brain 1.05 Random Acts 1.10 Sex: My British Job 2.25 Inside Nature’s Giants 3.20 SuperScrimpers 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.10 Countdown 5.55 River Cottage

6.00 – 6.50am Children’s television 6.50 Big School 7.00 Little Princess 7.10 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.20 The Mr. Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 New Cowboy Builders 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 NCIS 3.15 FILM: The Perfect Teacher (2010) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Casey resorts to alcohol and proves to be a bad influence on Maddy, who takes a swig from his ‘water’ bottle at the gym.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 Braveheart: The True Story Documentary. A look at how close Mel Gibson’s epic film is to the true story of Sir William Wallace. Blue!

8.00 The Railway: First Great Western Documentary series. On the day of Dawlish Air Show, a small, picturesque seaside station is brought to life by an influx of merry passengers.

9.00 NCIS: The Port-to-Port Killer US crime drama series. The NCIS team chase every possible lead when the latest victim of the Port-to-Port killer turns out to be someone with personal ties to the team.

10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent US police drama series.

Goren and Eames investigate when a hacker is killed.

10.55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. The CSIs are called to the brutal murder of a much-loved football coach.

11.50 True Crimes: The First 72 Hours Award-winning partdramatised documentary.

12.15am SuperCasino 3.55 Great Scientists 4.20 Great Artists 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 Wildlife SOS

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 UEFA Champions League 10.00 European Tour Weekly 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 4.30pm LIVE Golf: President’s Cup 11.00 European Tour Golf 12.00am NFL: A Football Life 1.00 LIVE NFL 4.30 FL72 Preview 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show.

7.30 EastEnders It is Carol’s birthday, and David tries his best to sabotage Masood’s plans – but will his naughty scheme work? Phil gives Jay an ultimatum about where his loyalties lie when he shows his support to the Brannings.

8.00 Waterloo Road School-based drama. Lisa and Lenny Brown’s grandfather turns up out of the blue and risks splitting them up.

9.00 Mayhem & Mishaps: Britain Caught On Camera Mark ‘Chappers’ Chapman catalogues the everyday mishaps and accidents we encounter in our lives. Each category of calamity is illustrated using home video clips and CCTV. Often shocking but sometimes just plain funny, an amazing wealth of mishaps has been caught on camera.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs the topical debate from Birmingham.

11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil, with Michael Portillo and Tom Watson.

12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 BBC News

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Laurel uncovers Marlon’s secret plan. Rodney makes an unusual career choice.

7.30 Bargains In The Sun: Tonight See highlights.

8.00 Emmerdale Ashley prepares to tell Laurel how he feels. Rodney takes on his first client, but how far will he go?

8.30 Pat And Cabbage Comedy. Cabbage takes Pat away for a relaxing weekend, but the peace is shattered when both their families turn up unannounced.

9.00 Women Behind Bars With Trevor McDonald Second in a twopart documentary which follows Trevor McDonald as he ventures inside two jails that hold some of America’s most notorious women criminals – Indiana Women’s Prison and the state’s Rockville Correctional Facility.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Magicians (2007) Starring David Mitchell, Robert Webb, Peter Capaldi, Jessica Hynes, Juliet Stevenson and Miranda Hart.

After a guillotine-based trick goes wrong, two magic partners become mortal enemies.

12.15am Wild Britain With Ray Mears 12.40 Jackpot247 3.00 Bargains In The Sun: Tonight 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 Jeremy Kyle Show

Sky Sports 2 6.00am What’s The Story? 7.00 LIVE ATP Tennis 11.00 What’s The Story?

12.00pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.30 Total Rugby 1.00 Champions League Goals 2.00 ATP Tennis 3.00 Lysekil Women’s Match Sailing 3.30 Total Rugby 4.00 Champions League Goals 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Total Rugby 6.00 Ringside Special 8.00 Rugby Club 9.00 FL72 Preview 10.00 Fantasy Football Club 11.00 WWE Late Night Raw 1.00am WWE NXT 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 3.00 European Tour Golf 4.00 Golf: President’s Cup 5.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 5.30 IAAF Athletix Magazine

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Lysekil Women’s Match Sailing 6.30 Football Gold (x2) 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All: Man Of Steel Special 9.00 Champions Tour Golf 10.00 Total Rugby 10.30 Fishing Gurus 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Thrillseekers 12.00pm Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 1.00 Sporting Heroes 2.00 What’s The Story? 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 4.00 WWE Vintage 5.00 IAAF Athletix Magazine 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 Sporting Heroes 7.00 FL72 Preview 8.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x4) 9.00 Ringside Special 11.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x4) 12.00am Golf: President’s Cup 1.00 FL72 Preview 2.00 Rugby Club 3.00 IAAF Athletix Magazine 3.30 Ringside Special 5.30 ATP Tour Uncovered Victoria Nangle

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8.00am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 10.00 NCIS: LA (x4) 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama 5.30 The Middle (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Modern Family (x2) 9.00 Trollied 9.30 An Idiot Abroad (x2) 11.30 Ross Kemp Back On The Frontline 12.30am Road Wars (x3)

7.00pm Great TV Mistakes 7.10 Atlantis 8.00 Motorway Cops 9.00 Hotel Of Mum And Dad 10.00 Russell Howard’s Good News 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Staying In With Greg And Russell 1.00 Hotel Of Mum And Dad 2.00 Unsafe Sex In The City

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Top Of The Pops: 1978 8.00 Mars: A Horizon Guide 9.00 Pain, Pus And Poison: The Search For Modern Medicines 10.00 For Britain And The Hell Of It 10.50 House Of Surrogates 12.20am Twitchers: A Very British Obsession 1.20 Top Of The Pops: 1978 2.00 Mars: A Horizon Guide

5.05pm The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 The X Factor USA 9.00 Utterly Outrageous Celebrity Frock Ups 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.50 The Magaluf Weekender 11.50 Crazy Beaches 12.20am FILM: Unbreakable (2000) 2.20 Teleshopping

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wild At Heart 3.05 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 4.15 The Upper Hand 4.50 Second Thoughts 5.20 George And Mildred 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 A Touch Of Frost 10.00 Afterlife 11.00 Law & Order: UK 12.05am The Specsavers Crime Thriller Club

6.00pm The Big Bang Theory 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory 8.30 How I Met Your Mother 9.00 Don’t Trust The B—— In Apartment 23. See highlights. 9.30 Suburgatory 10.00 The IT Crowd (x2) 11.00 ITunes Festival 2013 12.05am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Winter Sun 5.45 Location, Location, Location 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 Scandal 10.00 The Big C 11.15 Embarrassing Bodies 12.20am Homeland 1.20 Grand Designs Revisited

11.00am Las Acacias (2011) 12.45pm Von Ryan’s Express (1965) 3.05 They Who Dare (1953) 5.15 Avalanche Express (1979) 7.05 My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) 9.00 Salt (2010) 11.00 The Last King Of Scotland (2007) 1.25am Touching The Void (2003)

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friday 4 Gino’s Italian Escape ITV1, 8pm Bella foodie treats in store as Gino heads to Italy’s capital – Rome. Mucho yum yum yum.

Making a traditional pasta carbonara in the Colosseum, then dashing over to Ariccia to taste luscious porchetta, and finally to a restaurant belonging to Anna Dente, a chef keeping it authentically real for 40 years.

Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D Channel 4, 8pm Woo hoo! It’s the weekend AND it’s superheroes! Who cares if it’s still sunny outside, we’ve got men and women fighting for justice, doing the right thing, and standing with excellent posture.

Hurrah! Coulson and the gang head to Peru to investigate an object that’s turned up.

Staying In With Greg And Russell BBC3, 9.45pm Greg James and Russell Kane suck in thier cheekbones and plaster on their poses as poster boys for BBC3 and invite a few guests over to their pretend flat for a chat. Tonight’s celeb dropins are Dizzee Rascal (with a spot of performing thrown in too) and US reality star Scott Disick.

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¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Real Rescues 11.45 Claimed And Shamed 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Perfection 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Country Show Cook Off 4.15 Flog It! 5.15 Pointless

6.00am Homes Under The Hammer 7.00 Real Rescues 7.45 Claimed And Shamed 8.15 Wanted Down Under 9.00 Flog It! Trade Secrets 10.00 Question Time 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Gymnastics: World Championships 3.00 Great British Menu 3.30 Animal Park 4.15 South Pacific 5.15 Vintage Antiques Roadshow 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball presents all the backstage gossip.

7.00 Hairy Bikers’ Bakeation The halfway point of the Hairy Bikers’ Bakeation sees them journey to the furthest reaches of Europe culminating in an amazing family party thrown by Dave’s wife Lil, who comes from Romania.

8.00 Mastermind Subjects are Eddie Chapman, the history of Portsmouth FC, the Battle of Balaklava and Father Ted. 8.30 Gardeners’ World Monty Don is hard at work gathering his bumper apple, pear and quince crop.

9.00 Orangutans – The Great Ape Escape: Natural World Leonora is no ordinary orangutan, she is a pioneer. She is about to set off on an epic journey back to the wild – the great ape escape. After being orphaned as a baby, she has spent the majority of her life in a rescue centre, where others wait to see if they could follow in her footsteps.

10.00 QI Quiz show. Stephen Fry considers the subject of kings, with Jeremy Clarkson, Jimmy Carr, Bill Bailey, and Alan Davies.

10.30 Newsnight 11.05 Later... With Jools Holland Repeat of Tuesday’s show.

12.10am FILM: The Sheltering Sky (1990) 2.20 Question Time

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 According To Jim 7.30 Will And Grace 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Frasier 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.00 Four Rooms 11.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 River Cottage Every Day 1.05 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures 1.25 FILM: The Black Knight (1954) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 Golf: President’s Cup 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 4.30pm Barclays Premier League World 5.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 5.30 Super League Grand Final Preview 6.00 LIVE Golf: President’s Cup 11.00 European Tour Golf 12.00am Golf: President’s Cup 1.00 Super League Grand Final Archive 1.15 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x3)

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Eric fears that his relationship with Amy has been ruined.

7.30 Coronation Street The Platts worry that Nick will blurt out the truth. An unexpected visitor lands on Michelle’s doorstep.

8.00 Gino’s Italian Escape See highlights.

8.30 Coronation Street Frantic David begs forgiveness. Owen attempts to call Phelan’s bluff.

9.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Brian Blessed Actor Brian Blessed joins Piers Morgan to look back at his extraordinary life and career. The larger-than-life star of Flash Gordon, Blackadder and Z Cars talks about teaching Keanu Reeves to meditate, climbing Everest and his plans to go into space.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Mickey Blue Eyes (1998) Starring Hugh Grant, Jeanne Tripplehorn, James Caan, Burt Young and James Fox. Comedy. English auctioneer Michael Felgate is living in New York when he meets beautiful Gina Vitale. Their relationship goes swimmingly until he proposes, and she reluctantly reveals that her family are mobsters.

12.30am Jackpot247 3.00 FILM: The Land That Time Forgot (1975) 4.30 ITV Nightscreen

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks John Paul gets the shock of his life.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Unreported World Reporter Krishnan Guru-Murthy and director Wael Dabbous travel to Afghanistan, gaining rare access to the secret houses that shelter women hiding from violent husbands or from families who have tried to kill them for refusing to take part in arranged marriages.

7.55 4thought.tv 8.00 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. See highlights.

9.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr hosts the topical comedy panel game joined by team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson.

10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan is joined by stars from Strictly Come Dancing, comedian David Mitchell and actor James McAvoy. Music is provided by Iggy Azalea.

11.10 Big Fat Quiz Of The 90s Jimmy Carr is joined by three teams of celebrities. Playing the quiz are Jonathan Ross, Jo Brand, Sue Perkins, Lee Mack, Bob Mortimer and Richard Ayoade.

12.35am Random Acts 12.40 FILM: The Future (2011) 2.15 The Ricky Gervais Show 2.45 2 Broke Girls 3.15 SuperScrimpers 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.05 Countdown 5.45 Kirstie’s Vintage

6.00 – 7.10am Children’s televisionl 7.10 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 7.20 The Mr Men Show 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Police Interceptors 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 The Mentalist 3.15 FILM: Ice Twisters (2009) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away After being assigned another batch of menial duties, April locks horns with her mentor Dr Peta Bradley.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 World’s Strongest Man 2012 The 35th running of the international strongman competition from the grounds of the Commerce Casino in Los Angeles. Time for another British debutant to take the stage in Los Angeles as the World’s Strongest Man continues with Group 3.

8.00 Huge Helicopter: Monster Moves Documentary series following professionals who transport huge buildings and machines to different locations. In this episode, we follow the engineers preparing the world’s most advanced search-and-rescue helicopter for a trip on the world’s largest airplane.

9.00 NCIS: The Port-to-Port Killer US crime drama series. When the Port-to-Port killer is finally revealed, the entire NCIS team find themselves in grave danger.

10.00 FILM: Under Siege (1992) Starring Steven Seagal, Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey, Erika Eleniak.

Action-packed seagoing adventure in which nuclear terrorists are faced down by a heroic loner. Pow! 12.05am SuperCasino 3.55 Motorsport Mundial 4.20 Great Scientists 4.45 House Doctor 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 Wildlife SOS

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Ronnie’s Animal Crackers Ronnie Corbett takes a wry look at the public’s obsession with pets.

8.00 EastEnders A guilty Roxy continues to play with fire when she persists in seeing Ronnie behind Alfie’s back.

8.30 Miranda Sitcom. Tilly’s fiancee Rupert is on army leave and their wedding plans are in full swing.

Miranda is set up with Rupert’s ghastly best man Ping Pong Charlie at the same time as Stevie and Clive set her up with a ‘special someone’ else.

9.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz returns, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop.

9.30 Citizen Khan Sitcom. Mr Khan’s day off from being a ‘busy’ community leader is interrupted when Alia fails her exams, prompting Mrs Khan to lay down the law.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Kevin Bridges – The Story Continues Kevin Bridges returns to the SECC arena to perform a recordbreaking run of ten sold-out nights to over 75,000 ecstatic fans.

11.35 FILM: The Hand That Rocks The Cradle (1992) Starring Annabella Sciorra, Rebecca De Mornay, Matt McCoy. Thriller.

1.20am Weatherview 1.25 News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Golf: President’s Cup 7.00 LIVE ATP Tennis 11.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00pm Fantasy Football Club 1.00 FL72 Preview 2.00 ATP Tennis 3.00 Ringside Special 5.00 The F1 Show 6.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 6.30 Fantasy Football Club 7.30 LIVE Sky Sports Victory Shield Football 9.30 Fantasy Football Club 10.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 11.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 11.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 12.00am The F1 Show 1.00 Fantasy Football Club

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Football Gold (x2) 6.30 Rugby Club 7.30 LIVE ITM Cup Rugby 9.30 IAAF Athletix Magazine 10.00 Thinking Tackle 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Thrillseekers 12.00pm Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 12.30 NFL 1.30 Barclays Premier League World 2.00 Thinking Tackle 3.00 IAAF Athletix Magazine 3.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 4.00 WWE Raw 6.00 Tight Lines 7.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 7.30 Super League Grand Final Preview 8.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 8.30 ATP Tennis 9.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x4) 10.30 Super League Grand Final Preview 11.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold (x2) 11.30 UEFA Champions League (x8) 1.30am ITM Cup Rugby Victoria Nangle

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E4

More4

Film4

10.00am NCIS: LA (x4) 2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama 5.30 The Middle (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Glee 9.00 A League Of Their Own 10.00 Trollied 10.30 Don’t Sit In The Front Row 11.00 FILM: Groundhog Day (1993) 1.00am Ross Kemp Back On The Frontline

7.00pm LIVE Gymnastics: World Championships 9.00 Orphan Black 9.45 Staying In With Greg And Russell.

See highlights. 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Nick Helm’s Heavy Entertainment 12.05am American Dad! (x2) 12.50 Some Girls 1.20 Staying In With Greg And Russell 2.05 Bad Education

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Sound And The Fury: A Century Of Music 8.30 Transatlantic Sessions 9.00 Elton John In Concert 2013 10.00 The Making Of Elton John: Madman Across The Water 11.00 Elton John At The BBC 12.00am Big In America: British Hits In The USA 1.00 Elton John In Concert

1.30pm Life’s Funniest Moments 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 4.10 The Real Housewives Of Vancouver 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! (x2) 8.00 The X Factor USA 10.00 FILM: Fast & Furious (2009) 12.15am FILM: Whip It (2009)

2.00pm Wild At Heart 3.05 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 4.15 The Upper Hand 4.50 Second Thoughts 5.20 George And Mildred 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 Murder, She Wrote 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 The Bletchley Circle 10.00 Wire In The Blood 11.00 Law & Order: UK 12.05am Bomb Girls

4.00pm Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory 8.30 How I Met Your Mother 9.00 FILM: Marley And Me (2008) 11.20 Rude Tube 12.30am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Location, Location, Location 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 FILM: The Time Traveller’s Wife (2009) 11.05 Father Ted (x2) 12.15am Homeland

11.00am Dakota Incident (1956) 12.50pm The Bridges At Toko-Ri (1954) 2.55 Carry On Teacher (1962) 4.40 The Sea Chase (1955) 7.00 Stormbreaker (2006) 9.00 Taken (2008) 10.50 Revenge Of The Nerds (1984) 12.40am The Arrival Of Wang (2011) 2.25 We 3 (2011)

thelatest

.TV

Brighton Lights Special

www.thelatest.tv

Filmed live, presented by Alex Turchyn and Tim Embleton with music from Cavendish Sniff and appearances from Guy Lloyd and Matt Whistler

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029_LS648_TV_sat_L7wed14apr.qxd 27/09/2013 10:50 Page 1

saturday 5 The X Factor ITV1, 8pm Judges’ houses time, and if you thought that means you get to see Gary Barlow’s downstairs lav you really haven’t been paying attention all these years. Gaz welcomes the groups in New York, Sharon greets the over 25s from her LA mansion, Louis’ lads are in St Tropez, and Nicole’s girls in Antigua. Bring a cozzie.

Atlantis BBC1, 8.25pm If a lady turns up looking mighty grumpy in Ancient Greece, you might want to pay attention if she introduces herself by the moniker of Medusa. The boys are on a quest to rescue a young girl from the worshippers of Dionysus, who are more than a little ruthless in their devotion to the god of wine and partying.

FILM: Freaky Friday Film4, 4.50pm Jodie Foster has always exhibited a maturity beyond her years, but this time she’s doing it for Disney. What better cause?

The 1977 body-swap classic has Jodie and poor Mom Barbara Harris finding their silent wish fulfilled and the grass far from greener as they jump into each other’s lives. Zowie!

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 Paul Hollywood’s Bread 12.00pm Football Focus 12.45 Saturday Sportsday 1.00 BBC News 1.10 South East Today 1.15 Formula 1: The Korean Grand Prix – Qualifying Highlights 2.30 Gymnastics: World Championships 4.30 Final Score 5.10 BBC News 5.20 South East Today 5.30 Pointless Celebrities 6.20 Strictly Come Dancing Sir Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly present a sparkling spectacular as all 15 couples hit the dance floor. Every step counts, as the judges’ scores from Week 1 are combined with those from this show. The celebrities are now dancing for survival, as the two lowest-scoring couples must face the dreaded dance-off in Sunday’s results show. The pressure is on, as no-one wants to be the first to leave.

8.25 Atlantis See highlights.

9.10 The National Lottery Live Chris Evans hosts The National Lottery Live, which includes the new event ‘49-1’, giving players the chance to win up to £50,000 live on air. The programme also includes the Lotto draw and a first opportunity to find out the locations of winning tickets for the new Lotto raffle around the UK. 9.25 Casualty Tess has to confront her own problems when a pregnant woman is involved in an RTC, and Robyn and Jamie witness the effects of a batch of bad pills on the Holby nightlife.

10.15 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker presents highlights from the day’s Premier League fixtures.

11.55 The Football League Show Manish Bhasin presents highlights from the Football League.

1.10am Weatherview 1.15 News

BBC2

6.00am This Is BBC Two 6.50 FILM: Johnny Angel (1945) 8.05 FILM: San Demetrio, London (1947) 9.40 Reel History Of Britain 10.10 The Life Of Birds 11.00 Fred Dibnah’s Industrial Age 11.30 University Challenge 12.00pm The A To Z Of TV Cooking 12.45 Rachel Allen: Bake!

1.10 EastEnders 3.00 The House That £100k Built 4.00 The Wonder Of Dogs 5.00 Flog It!

6.00 Robert Peston Goes Shopping Robert Peston reveals how shopping in Britain was transformed over the 20th century.

7.00 Count Arthur Strong Sitcom.

When a riot forces everyone into a back room in the café, Arthur stages his one-man tribute to The Musical.

7.30 Orangutans – The Great Ape Escape: Natural World Leonora is no ordinary orangutan, she is a pioneer. With her three year old son in her arms, she is about to set off on an epic journey back to the wild.

8.30 Dad’s Army Classic sitcom.

9.00 The 70s Historian Dominic Sandbrook takes viewers on an eyeopening and refreshing journey deep into the 1970s, a decade where the old Britain of the post-war years was transformed into the nation of today.

10.00 The Sarah Millican Slightly Longer Television Programme More of Ms Millican and pals. Hurrah!

10.40 Mock The Week Dara O Briain with guests Milton Jones, Miles Jupp and Josh Widdicombe being topical an’ that.

11.10 FILM: Precious (2009) Starring Gabourey Sidibe, Mo’Nique, Paula Patton, Mariah Carey. Drama.

In Harlem, an illiterate pregnant teenager is invited to enrol in an alternative school in the hope that it will change her life for the better.

12.55am FILM: Heartbreaker (2010)

ITV1

6.00 – 6.50am Children’s television 6.50 Dino Dan 7.00 Canimals 7.10 Canimals 7.15 Canimals 7.25 Sooty 7.35 Horrid Henry 7.50 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 8.15 Bottom Knocker Street 8.30 The Munch Box 9.25 ITV News 9.30 Saturday Cookbook 10.25 Murder, She Wrote 11.25 ITV News & Weather 11.35 Surprise Surprise 12.35pm Catchphrase 1.20 Doc Martin 2.20 The X Factor 3.50 FILM: Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium (2007) 5.35 ITV News Meridian 5.45 ITV News & Weather 6.00 New You’ve Been Framed!

Surreal comedy from the mind of Harry Hill as he narrates more viewers’ funny home videos.

6.30 Fool Britannia 7.00 The Chase: Celebrity Special Bradley Walsh hosts another celebrity edition of the quiz show where four celebrities have to work together to try and win money for charity. Taking part are Daybreak’s Dr Hilary Jones, Shameless star Tina Malone, Sky Sports presenter Charlotte Jackson and impressionist John Culshaw.

8.00 The X Factor See highlights.

9.50 Through The Keyhole Celebrity Juice star Keith Lemon presents the last in the current series of the revived game show classic. Let loose around three mystery celebrities’ houses, Keith unearths clues to the identities of the famous owners. Using their powers of observation panel guess whose home it is? Regular panellist Dave Berry is joined this week by Coronation Street star Simon Gregson and Saturdays singer Mollie King.

10.50 ITV News; Weather 11.05 FILM: Mercury Rising (1998) Starring Bruce Willis, Alec Baldwin.

Action thriller centred on the relationship between an FBI agent and the boy in his care.

1.05am Jackpot247 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 3.40 ITV Nightscreen

Channel 4

6.05am The Treacle People 6.15 British Rallycross 6.40 FIM Superbike World Championship 7.05 The Great Scottish Swim 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 The American Football Show 10.00 Frasier 10.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.30 The Big Bang Theory 12.00pm The Simpsons 12.30 The Secret Millionaire USA 1.30 Channel 4 Racing 4.10 Come Dine With Me 4.40 Come Dine With Me 5.10 Come Dine With Me 5.40 Come Dine With Me 6.10 Come Dine With Me Reality series in which people compete to be the best dinner-party host.

6.40 Channel 4 News 7.00 Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D. US drama series.

Coulson and team travel to Peru to investigate a mysterious object.

8.00 Grand Designs Property series.

Flying instructor Colin Mackinnon and his partner, hovercraft instructor and trapeze artist Marta Briongos, have an ambitious plan to build an incredible metal sculptural home next to the runway of an airfield in Scotland.

9.00 FILM: Friends With Benefits (2011) Starring Justin Timberlake, Mila Kunis, Patricia Clarkson, Jenna Elfman. Romantic comedy. A head hunter persuades a graphic designer from Los Angeles to move to New York for a job with a men’s magazine, but the pair embark on a no-strings relationship that becomes complicated when they develop real feelings for each other.

11.05 FILM: Easy A (2010) Starring Emma Stone, Penn Badgley, Thomas Haden-Church. Comedy about a highschool student who tells a white lie that spirals out of control, causing her to get a reputation for being easy.

12.55am FILM: The Keep (1983) 2.40 Hollyoaks Omnibus 4.55 Deal Or No Deal 5.50 SuperScrimpers 5.55 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 8.15am See highlights. 8.15 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.35 Angelina Ballerina 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.10 Toby’s Travelling Circus 9.25 Roary The Racing Car 9.40 Jelly Jamm 9.55 Power Rangers: Megaforce 10.30 Slugterra 10.55 Inside Hollywood 11.00 Animal Maternity 12.00pm FILM: Columbo: Short Fuse (1972) 1.30 FILM: The Magnificent Seven (1960) 4.00 FILM: The Battle Of The Bulge (1965) 6.45 FILM: Blood Alley (1955) Starring John Wayne, Lauren Bacall, Paul Fix, Mike Mazurki, Berry Kroeger and Joy Kim. Nautical adventure about a group of oppressed villagers who ask a merchant skipper to guide their Chinese ferry to Hong Kong and freedom. But the skipper, a prisoner of the Chinese authorities, must first be sprung from captivity before he can ferry the stolen paddleship.

8.55 5 News Weekend 9.00 FILM: Lethal Weapon 3 (1992) Starring Mel Gibson, Danny Glover, Joe Pesci, Rene Russo, Stuart Wilson and Darlene Love. Further action-packed adventures with the two mismatched Los Angeles cops. Murtaugh is only days away from retirement when he and Riggs, along with officer Lorna Cole, are assigned to track down a crooked ex-cop who is supplying gangs with huge consignments of guns.

11.25 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series.

The CSIs investigate the case of a young man who has been brutally raped and beaten.

12.15am SuperCasino 4.00 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 4.25 Five VOD Make It Big 4.50 Roary The Racing Car 5.00 Angels Of Jarm 5.10 Hana’s Helpline 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.25 Five VOD The Funky Valley Show 5.40 Roary The Racing Car 5.50 Hana’s Helpline

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Super League: Grand Final Gold 6.15 Super League: Grand Final Gold 6.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold 6.45 Super League: Grand Final Gold 7.00 Super League Grand Final Preview 7.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 8.00 Fantasy Football Club 9.00 Game Changers 10.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm LIVE Championship 2.30 Saturday Team Talk 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.00 LIVE Ford Saturday Night Football 8.00 Ford Saturday Night Football: Game Of The Day 10.00 Ford Saturday Night Football: Match Choice 11.30 Championship 12.00am Sky Sports News 1.00 Ford Saturday Night Football: Match Choice 2.30 Ford Saturday Night Football: Match Choice 4.00 Spanish Football 5.00 Football Gold 5.15 Football Gold 5.30 Championship

Sky Sports 2 6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Golf: President’s Cup 7.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.00pm LIVE Super League 8.30 LIVE Fight Night 12.00am Super League 1.00 Spanish Football 2.00 LIVE Fight Night International 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Trans World Sport 7.00 Fight Night Preview 7.30 LIVE ITM Cup Rugby 9.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold 10.00 Super League Grand Final Preview 10.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold 11.00 ATP Tennis 12.00pm ATP Tennis 1.00 Fight Night Preview 1.30 Super League Grand Final Preview 2.00 Super League: Grand Final Gold 2.30 ATP Tennis 3.30 ATP Tennis 4.30 Super League: Grand Final Gold 5.00 LIVE Golf: President’s Cup 11.00 European Tour Golf 12.00am Golf: President’s Cup 1.00 WWE: Late Night Superstars 2.00 WWE NXT 3.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 5.00 WWE: Late Night Bottom Line

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew 2.00 Harrow: A Very British School 3.00 Kingdom Of Plants With David Attenborough 4.00 Modern Family (x2) 5.00 NCIS: LA (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 A League Of Their Own 9.00 FILM: Groundhog Day (1993) 11.00 An Idiot Abroad (x2) 1.00am Road Wars

7.00pm Stephen Lawrence Unity Concert 8.00 Top Gear 9.05 FILM: Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006) 11.25 Family Guy (x2) 12.10am American Dad! (x2) 12.55 Booze, Bar Crawls & Bulgaria: Stacey Dooley Investigates 1.55 Bad Education 2.25 Some Girls 2.55 Staying In With Greg And Russell

7.00pm Africa 8.00 Lost Kingdoms Of Africa 9.00 The Young Montalbano 10.40 Classic Albums 11.30 Forever Young: How Rock ‘n’ Roll Grew Up 12.30am Top Of The Pops: 1978 1.10 Africa 2.10 Lost Kingdoms Of Africa

10.50am The X Factor USA (x2) 1.30pm Girlfriends 2.30 Peter Andre: My Life 3.30 You’ve Been Framed! (x4) 5.35 FILM: Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) 7.20 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 9.50 The Xtra Factor 10.50 Celebrity Juice 11.35 The Magaluf Weekender 12.35am Crazy Beaches 1.05 The X Factor

7.15am Inspector Morse 9.20 The Royal (x2) 11.25 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 12.40pm FILM: The Railway Children (1970) 2.55 Agatha Christie’s Marple 5.00 A Touch Of Frost 6.55 Rosemary And Thyme 8.00 Foyle’s War 10.00 Bomb Girls 11.00 Wire In The Blood 12.00am A Touch Of Frost

2.05pm The Big Bang Theory (x2) 3.00 FILM: The Spy Next Door (2010) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 How I Met Your Mother 7.30 Suburgatory 8.00 New Girl 8.30 New Girl 9.00 FILM: Run, Fat Boy, Run (2007) 11.00 FILM: Slither (2006) 1.00am The Big Bang Theory

1.40pm Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 1.55 Location, Location, Location 2.25 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent (x3) 5.40 Building The Dream 6.50 Hitler’s Rise: The Colour Films (x2) 8.55 Dambusters: Building The Bouncing Bomb 11.00 The Untold Battle Of Britain 12.05am Hitler’s Rise: The Colour Films 1.10 Homeland

11.00am The Shepherd Of The Hills (1941) 1.00pm Ice Age (2002) 2.45 The Quiller Memorandum (1966) 4.50 Freaky Friday (1977).

See highlights. 6.50 New British Cinema 7.00 Drillbit Taylor (2008) 9.00 Predator (1987) 11.05 Predator 2 (1990) 1.15am No Escape (1994) 3.45 Close

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030_LS648_TV_sun_L7wed14apr.qxd 27/09/2013 13:34 Page 1

sunday 6 The Ginge, The Geordie And The Geek BBC2, 7.30pm Sketch comedy from the awardwinning trio Graeme Rooney, Paul Charlton and Kevin O’Loughlin.

Just when you were thinking; “hang on! Where are today’s fast-paced short-form comedy giggles going to come from?”

Ta da! Handy that. Involving policemen, seagulls and fish.

Homeland Channel 4, 9pm So with the CIA headquarters blown to smithereens things are unsurprisingly a bit blurred at the agency. Carrie’s as single-minded as ever, this time trying to find out th truth behind the attacks, while Saul is hot on tail of Brody and leading a global manhunt for the turncoat. Wonder where he is...

And hope Carrie’s taking the pills.

FILM: Bandslam E4, 7.45pm In the wake of High School Musical there were a load of these – high school misfits and near misfits gathering together, all the while competing for a much-needed inter-school accolade. This one’s even got Vanessa Hudgens in it. The hook?

David Bowie cameo in the last five minutes. Blow your mind.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

6.00am Breakfast 7.40 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Sunday Morning Live 11.00 Sunday Politics 12.15pm MOTD2 Extra 1.00 BBC News 1.15 Bargain Hunt 2.00 Formula 1: The Korean Grand Prix – Highlights 4.00 Points Of View 4.15 Songs Of Praise 4.50 The Great British Year 5.50 BBC News

6.00am This Is BBC Two 7.05 FILM: Dance, Girl, Dance (1940) 8.30 Gardeners’ World 9.00 Beechgrove Garden 9.30 James Martin’s Food Map Of Britain 10.00 James Martin’s Food Map Of Britain 10.30 Athletics: Great Scottish Run 1.30pm Gymnastics: World Championships 4.30 Flog It! 5.00 Rugby League: Super League Grand Final

6.10 South East Today 6.20 Countryfile The team are in Abergavenny, a town famous for its markets and its food.

7.20 Strictly Come Dancing: The Results Tess Daly and Claudia Winkleman return to host an evening of Strictly drama, in the first results show of the series.

8.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the experts pay a visit to Newstead Abbey in Nottinghamshire. Among the discoveries are a medal for bravery awarded to a pigeon in World War II. 9.00 By Any Means Drama following a clandestine unit living on the edge and playing the criminal elite at their own game. Jack and the gang become embroiled in the intricate world of foreign affairs when a wealthy businessman seeks diplomatic immunity in the Colombian Embassy in London. Phillip Granger is responsible for a fire that killed dozens - now Jack and the gang must get him back on British soil without causing an international incident.

10.00 BBC News 10.15 South East Today 10.25 Match Of The Day 2 Mark Chapman presents highlights from all four of Sunday’s Premier League fixtures.

11.45 The Sky At Night The team go camping at the Brecon Beacons.

12.05am Weatherview 12.10 News

6.00 Great British Railway Journeys Chuffa chuffa...

6.30 The Great British Bake Off With six bakers left in the tent the stakes are getting higher. This week they face pastry. It’s a dough-off!

7.30 The Ginge, The Geordie And The Geek See highlights.

8.00 The Crane Gang This episode sees the company looking to the future. Their teams of drivers, riggers and slingers are working on the front line of new energy projects.

9.00 The Ottomans: Europe’s Muslim Emperors It was the world’s last Islamic empire – a superpower of a million square miles. From its capital in Istanbul it matched the glories of Ancient Rome. And after six centuries in power it collapsed less than a hundred years ago.

10.00 The Wrong Mans Sitcom.

Nick Stevens (Nick Moran) is heavily in debt to Mr Lau (Benedict Wong), a local underground casino boss who has now kidnapped his wife Scarlett.

10.30 QI XL Stephen Fry hosts the hilarious, mind-expanding quiz in which the aim is to be interesting.

11.15 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Repeat of last Monday’s show.

11.45 FILM: The Year Of Living Dangerously (1983) Starring Mel Gibson, Sigourney Weaver, Linda Hunt. Atmospheric political thriller.

1.35am Sign Zone: Countryfile 2.30 Sign Zone: Holby City

ITV1

6.00 – 7.00am Children’s television 7.00 Canimals 7.10 Canimals 7.15 Canimals 7.25 Sooty 7.35 Horrid Henry 7.45 Horrid Henry 8.00 Almost Naked Animals 8.15 Bottom Knocker Street 8.30 Fish Hooks 8.45 Fish Hooks 9.00 Big Time Rush 9.25 Ade In Britain 10.20 Columbo: Last Salute To The Commodore 12.15pm ITV News & Weather 12.25 Inside The National Trust 1.25 The X Factor 3.15 Fool Britannia 3.40 Big Star’s Little Star 4.45 Downton Abbey 5.45 ITV News Meridian 5.55 ITV News & Weather 6.10 Surprise Surprise Holly Willoughby gives more remarkable people the recognition they truly deserve.

7.10 The X Factor The live shows draw tantalisingly close for the remaining 24 X Factor contestants as they jet off to the judges’ houses in a bid to land a coveted place in the final 12. Host Dermot O’Leary will be on hand to congratulate the chosen ones and console those who are rejected.

9.00 Downton Abbey Period drama. An extravagant house party at the Abbey gives the Crawleys a chance to reconnect with old friends. But some guests prove more welcome than others, and along with the celebrations come skulduggery and heartache.

10.05 ITV News; Weather 10.20 The Classic BRIT Awards 2013 Myleene Klass presents the prestigious awards ceremony honouring classical performers, which takes place at the Royal Albert Hall.

The show features spectacular performances from Lang Lang, Nicola Benedetti, Gareth Malone, Ludovico Einaudi and Joseph Calleja.

11.50 Rugby Highlights: Aviva Premiership The best of the action from the top flight of English Rugby.

12.45am The Store 2.45 Motorsport UK 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

Channel 4

6.35am The American Football Show 7.30 American Football: Hard Knocks 8.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.00 Frasier 9.30 Sunday Brunch 12.30pm The Simpsons 1.00 Channel 4 Racing: Prix De L’Arc De Triomphe 3.45 FILM: Turner And Hooch (1989) 5.40 My Big Fat Gypsy Christening

6.40 Channel 4 News 7.00 The World’s Weirdest Weather TV weatherman Alex Beresford explores the mysteries behind some of the world’s most bizarre weather, hearing eyewitness accounts from those who have witnessed these climatic extremes.

8.00 Kevin McCloud’s Man Made Home It’s the height of summer and Kevin McCloud’s pursuit of a simpler, more creative life on the West Somerset coast is in full flow. His simple shed has already been transformed, with the addition of a cliff top terrace and a sun room made from old lorry and airplane windows.

Now Kevin plans to take his beach build to an entirely new level.

9.00 Homeland See highlights.

10.05 Was It Something I Said?

Panel show hosted by David Mitchell.

Two teams are pitted against one another in a battle of word play.

Team captains Micky Flanagan and Richard Ayoade are joined by panellists Jimmy Carr and actor, comedian and author Charlie Higson.

10.40 Gogglebox Television review comedy series narrated by Caroline Aherne.

11.30 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Repeat of Friday’s show.

12.30am Paddy’s TV Guide 1.15 American Football Live 4.45 FIM Superbike World Championship 5.15 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 8.25am Children’s television 8.25 Angelina Ballerina 8.45 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.50 Mio Mao 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.10 Toby’s Travelling Circus 9.25 Roary The Racing Car 9.40 Jelly Jamm 10.00 The Mr. Men Show 10.15 Power Rangers: Super Samurai 10.50 Slugterra 11.20 Inside Hollywood 11.25 Cowboy Builders 12.25pm Cowboy Builders 1.25 New Cowboy Builders 2.30 FILM: Innerspace (1987) 4.50 FILM: The Time Machine (2002) 6.30 FILM: Superman II (1980) Starring Christopher Reeve, Margot Kidder, Gene Hackman, Ned Beatty, Terence Stamp, Valerie Perrine, Jackie Cooperl. Entertaining, special effects-filled sequel to Superman.

Three villains from Krypton, home of the Man of Steel, arrive on Earth with powers equal to Superman’s, intent on conquering the planet. Uh oh.

8.55 5 News Weekend 9.00 FILM: Killers (2010) Starring Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Tom Selleck, Catherine O’Hara, Katheryn Winnick and Kevin Sussman. Action comedy. A government assassin decides to give up his dangerous lifestyle when he meets the woman of his dreams, but three years later he discovers there is a contract on his life.

11.05 FILM: Date Movie (2006) Starring Alyson Hannigan, Adam Campbell, Eddie Griffin. Romantic comedy spoof from the team behind Scary Movie following a dumpy woman who consults a dating expert, takes a ‘superdiet’, and pursues her ultimate boyfriend on a dating show.

12.20am Traveller Feuds 1.10 SuperCasino 4.00 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 4.25 Make It Big 4.50 Roary The Racing Car 5.00 Angels Of Jarm 5.10 Hana’s Helpline 5.20 Angels Of Jarm 5.30 Five VOD The Funky Valley Show 5.40 Roary The Racing Car 5.50 Hana’s Helpline

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Ford Saturday Night Football: Match Choice 7.30 Super League 8.30 Championship 9.00 Sunday Supplement 10.30 Goals On Sunday 12.30pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 LIVE Spanish Football 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Ford Football Special 1.00am Spanish Football 2.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 2.30 Scottish Football League 3.00 Spanish Football 4.00 Sporting Heroes 5.00 Football Gold 5.15 Football Gold 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Live ATP Tennis 8.00 Football Gold 8.15 Football Gold 8.30 Sporting Greats 9.00 Golf: President’s Cup 10.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 4.30pm LIVE Golf: President’s Cup 11.00 European Tour Golf 12.00am Golf: President’s Cup 1.00 ATP Tennis 2.00 ATP Tennis 3.00 European Tour Golf 4.00 Golf: President’s Cup 5.00 Scottish Football 5.30 Football Gold 5.45 Football Gold

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Spanish Football 7.00 What’s The Story?

8.00 Game Changers 9.00 Live ATP Tennis 11.00 Spirit Of Yachting 11.30 LIVE Badminton 5.00pm Spirit Of Yachting 5.30 LIVE NFL 9.00 LIVE NFL 12.30am This Week In WWE 1.00 LIVE WWE - Over The Limit 4.00 ATP Tennis 5.00 ATP Tennis

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

11.00am WWE: Experience 12.00pm Harrow: A Very British School 1.00 Modern Family (x4) 3.00 John Bishop’s Only Joking 3.30 Futurama (x5) 6.00 The Simpsons (x4) 8.00 Harrow: A Very British School 9.00 Trollied 9.30 A League Of Their Own 10.30 Road Wars (x3) 1.00am Ross Kemp Back On The Frontline (x3)

7.00pm Great Movie Mistakes III 7.20 FILM: Pirates Of The Caribbean: At World’s End (2007) 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 Some Girls 11.15 American Dad! (x2) 12.00am Bad Education 12.30 Staying In With Greg And Russell 1.00 Unsafe Sex In The City 2.00 Some Girls 2.30 Live At The Electric

7.00pm Miss Marple: The Body In The Library 7.50 West Coast Otters 8.00 Fabric Of Britain 9.00 Mark Lawson Talks To Bob Geldof 10.00 Sight And Sound In Concert 11.00 Crossing England In A Punt: River Of Dreams 12.00am Elton John In Concert 2013 1.00 The Making Of Elton John: Madman Across The Water

12.50pm You’ve Been Framed! 1.50 FILM: Step Up 2: The Streets (2008) 3.50 The X Factor 5.50 The Xtra Factor 6.50 FILM: The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor (2008) 9.00 The Xtra Factor 10.00 The Only Way Is Vegas 11.00 FILM: The Wedding Singer (1998) 12.55am The X Factor

12.30pm Rosemary And Thyme 1.35 Foyle’s War 3.35 George And Mildred 4.10 FILM: The Best Of Benny Hill (1974) 5.55 Murder, She Wrote 7.00 Lewis 9.00 An Audience With Lionel Richie 10.00 FILM: The Graduate (1967) 12.15am Inspector Morse 2.10 An Audience With Lionel Richie

4.00pm How I Met Your Mother (x3) 5.25 The Big Bang Theory (x3) 6.50 How I Met Your Mother 7.15 Rules Of Engagement 7.45 FILM: Bandslam (2009). Se highlights.

10.00 New Rude Tube 11.00 Rules Of Engagement 11.30 Don’t Trust The B— In Apartment 23 12.00am Rude Tube

10.35am Phil And Kirstie’s Homes For Heroes 12.10pm Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals (x5) 2.45 Four In A Bed (x5) 5.25 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.55 Time Team Special 9.00 The Restoration Man 10.00 Father Ted (x2) 11.05 Embarrassing Bodies 12.10am Time Team Special 1.15 The Restoration Man 2.20 Scandal

11.00am The Colditz Story (1954) 1.00pm Home Alone 3 (1997) 2.55 High Noon (1952) 4.35 Aliens In The Attic (2009) 6.15 Independence Day (1996) 9.00 New Moon (2009) 11.35 The Joneses (2009) 1.30am A Screaming Man (2010) 3.40 Close

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More of a movie chat show than a review show, Joseph & Jessica take a look at The Bling Ring and Brad Pitt’s zombie flick World War Z

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monday 7 Malala: Shot For Going To School BBC1, 8.30pm A year ago this week Malala Yousafzai was shot by the Taliban. For the first time ever she tells her own incredible story of how she went from being a schoolgirl in Pakistan to a global symbol of the fight for girls’ education. And Mishal Husain talks to Malala’s school friends.

Under The Dome Channel Five, 10pm It’s Lord Of The Flies with grown ups, as the small town is loped off from the rest of the world by a massive invisible dome. No, not a prank, but adapted from a Stephen King novel. Explains why there appear to be holograms in the dome. Who are they? What are they? Will they affect Big Jim’s assault on Ollie’s well?

Some Girls BBC3, 10pm The girls are back and sixth form seems to be a doddle as the biggest event is a falling out after a party – no mocks or homework overload or nuffink. Actually, it can be quite traumatic when all your pals are peeved at you. Holli finds she has to bag herself a whole new gang to hang out with. No one’s better than this lot.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Fake Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Real Rescues 11.45 Claimed And Shamed 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Keeping Up Appearances 2.45 Keeping Up Appearances 3.15 Perfection 4.00 Escape To The Country 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it’s got Britain talking then it will get talked about on The One Show.

7.30 Inside Out Vince Rogers reviews the first year served by the new Sussex police commissioner and examines what she has achieved.

8.00 EastEnders Alfie gives Roxy the chance to confess that she has been seeing Ronnie behind his back, but will she pass the test?

8.30 Malala: Shot For Going To School See highlights.

9.00 Motorway Cops Documentary.

Every year, more than 50 tonnes of heroin and cocaine are sold in Britain, but in the north of England a team of specialist roads crime officers are striking back at the multi-million pound business of moving illegal drugs around the country.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the popular news quiz with Paul Mertonand Ian Hislop.

11.20 Citizen Khan Sitcom following the trials and tribulations of the selfappointed Muslim community leader.

11.50 FILM: Sparkle (2007) Starring Shaun Evans, Lesley Manville, Amanda Ryan, Stockard Channing, Bob Hoskin. Romantic comedy drama.

1.30am Weatherview 1.35 News

6.00am This Is BBC Two 6.05 Homes Under The Hammer 7.05 Real Rescues 7.50 Claimed And Shamed 8.20 Wanted Down Under 9.05 Watchdog 10.05 The Incredible Spice Men 10.35 Click 11.00 BBC News 11.30 BBC World News 12.00pm Daily Politics 1.00 Classic Mastermind 1.30 The Weakest Link 2.15 Great British Menu 2.45 Floyd On Food 3.15 Are You Being Served?

3.45 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 4.20 Cagney And Lacey 5.05 Flog It!

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Tipping Point 5.00 The Chase

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 According To Jim 7.30 Will And Grace 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Frasier 9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10.00 Four Rooms 11.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 River Cottage Veg Every Day 1.05 Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 1.10 FILM: Only The Valiant (1951) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Super League 7.00 LIVE Masters Tennis 3.00pm Scottish Football League 3.30 Fantasy Football Club 4.00 Game Changers 5.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.00 FL72 Review 7.00 LIVE World Grand Prix Darts 12.00am The Footballers’ Football Show 1.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.00 SPFL Round-Up 2.30 FL72 Review 3.30 The Footballers’ Football Show 4.30 FL72 Review 5.30 SPFL Round-Up

6.00 Eggheads Qquiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe chats exclusively to the latest eliminated couple.

7.00 Hairy Bikers’ Bakeation The home of Mozart, The Sound of Music and Arnold Schwarzenegger provides the fifth leg of the Hairy Bikers’ adventure.

8.00 University Challenge Jeremy Paxman asks the questions as two teams of students battle it out.

8.30 Tom Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food Tom Kerridge shows how to cook dishes inspired by food you would order in a decent British pub to celebrate a special occasion.

9.00 The Midwives – Delivery On Demand Series following the work of midwives. This episode returns to Birmingham Women’s Hospital, one of the country’s busiest delivery units.

With nearly 600 births a month and just 21 beds, the midwives face a constant juggling act.

10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Comedy pop quiz.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Ottomans: Europe’s Muslim Emperors It was the world’s last Islamic empire – a superpower of a million square miles.

12.20am The Story Of The Jews 4.00 Science Britannica – Learning Zone 5.00 The Imagineers 5.25 Curious Cat 5.55 Wonders Of Nature: Grass Cutter Ants – Teamwork

6.00 ITV News Meridian 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Amy is saddened to learn of Joanie’s true feelings towards her.

7.30 Coronation Street Angry Nick backs David into a corner. A smug Steve plans to cheer Michelle up.

8.00 Countrywise Ben Fogle spends the day with a rural midwife; Liz Bonnin is in the Lake District finding new ways to put children in touch with the natural world.

8.30 Coronation Street Suspicious Kylie wonders what David is up to. Stella is sceptical when Steve reveals his secret plans.

9.00 Doc Martin Comedy drama series about the famously curmudgeonly GP. Jennifer gets a letter saying that Mrs Tishell no longer needs supervision, so Jennifer worries she may have to move on.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 The Agenda ITV News political editor Tom Bradby’s topical talk show returns for a fourth series.

11.05 Through The Keyhole Celebrity Juice star Keith Lemon presents the last in the current series of the revived game show classic.

12.05am Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Brian Blessed 1.00 Jackpot247 3.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show

6.00 – 7.35am Children’s television 7.35 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Toby’s Travelling Circus 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Tickety Toc 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 Cowboy Builders 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Nature Shock: Giraffe Feast 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Castle 3.15 FILM: Goodnight For Justice 2: The Measure Of A Man (2012) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away As Casey’s destructive influence takes its toll on Maddy, Brax tries to get his brother to cut back on the drink.

6.30 NewsTalk Live 7.00 Beat The Ancestors Dick Strawbridge sets the team to work on a highly flammable wooden flame-throwing boat which once saved the Byzantine empire.

8.00 Police Interceptors Observational documentary series.

9.00 Inside Broadmoor Two-part documentary special. For nearly 90 years Broadmoor had contained an extraordinary array of mentally-ill criminals and staff had experimented on them with a range of shocking and dangerous treatments. But the regime was essentially liberal and lax in security, and Broadmoor had excited little public interest. All that changed when notorious child-murderer John Straffen escaped.

10.00 Under The Dome See highlights.

10.55 FILM: Reservoir Dogs (1992) Starring Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Michael Madsen, Steve Buscemi, Chris Penn and Lawrence Tierney. Violent tale of an audacious heist gone wrong.

12.50am Campus PD 1.15 SuperCasino 4.00 Nick’s Quest 4.25 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 4.50 House Doctor 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 Wildlife SOS

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Fraser and Trevor attempt to frame an innocent villager.

Is Ste finally rid of all his ghosts?

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Jamie’s Money Saving Meals In the last episode of the series Jamie cooks up glorious pot roasted ham hocks with parsley sauce.

8.30 Gadget Man Comedian, actor and director Richard Ayoade takes a look at the world of technology, covering everything from the everyday to the extraordinary. In the last episode of the series, Richard attempts to prove that small is beautiful by demonstrating the world’s smallest gadgets.

9.00 999: What’s Your Emergency?

Documentary series. This programme follows under-pressure ambulance staff across the country, and features interviews with paramedics, call handlers and patients.

10.00 Sex Box Sex-themed discussion show. Couples describe their experiences with the programme’s host, agony aunt Mariella Frostrup.

11.00 Educating Yorkshire Documentary series exploring life at a Yorkshire school, Thornhill Academy.

12.00am First Time Farmers 1.00 Random Acts 1.05 FILM: Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham (2001) 4.50 Nashville 5.35 SuperScrimpers 5.40 Deal Or No Deal

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Championship 11.00 Spanish Football 12.00pm Ford Football Special 1.30 Spanish Football 2.30 Championship 3.00 Super League 4.00 Fight Night 6.30 ATP Tennis Masters 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 The Footballers’ Football Show 10.30 FL72 Review 11.30 SPFL Round-Up 12.00am British Rally Championship 1.00 Elite League Speedway 3.00 Trilby Tour Golf 4.00 European Tour Golf 5.00 Golf: President’s Cup

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Championship 6.30 Football Gold 6.45 Football Gold 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 NFL 9.00 NFL 10.00 Super League 11.00 European Tour Golf 12.00pm Golf: President’s Cup 1.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 2.00 WWE: Experience 3.00 WWE Afterburn 4.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 5.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 WWE: Smackdown 9.00 WWE – Over The Limit 12.00am WWE: Total Divas 1.00 WWE: Late Night Raw 4.15 TBA 4.30 Spruce Meadows 5.30 Thrillseekers

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

8.00am Stargate SG-1 (x2) 10.00 NCIS: LA (x4) 2.00pm Hawaii Five-0 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama 5.30 The Middle (x2) 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 A League Of Their Own 9.00 Cop Squad 10.00 Spartacus: Vengeance 11.15 Brit Cops: War On Crime 12.15am Road Wars (x3) 3.05 Armed & Dangerous

7.00pm Don’t Tell The Bride 8.00 Hotel Of Mum And Dad 9.00 Sex, Stags And Prague: Stacey Dooley Investigates 10.00 Some Girls. See highlights. 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Some Girls 1.00 Sex, Stags And Prague: Stacey Dooley Investigates

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 A Garden In Snowdonia 8.00 Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads? 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 A Very British Murder With Lucy Worsley 10.00 Miss Marple: The Body In The Library 10.50 Africa 11.50 Lost Kingdoms Of Africa 12.50am Only Connect

1.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 4.10 The Real Housewives Of Vancouver 5.05 The Millionaire Matchmaker 6.00 Dinner Date 7.00 The X Factor 9.00 Peter Andre: My Life 10.00 FILM: Bridget Jones: The Edge Of Reason (2004) 12.15am The Only Way Is Vegas 1.15 Girlfriends

1.10pm Heartbeat 2.10 Wild At Heart 3.10 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 4.20 The Upper Hand 4.55 Second Thoughts 5.25 George And Mildred 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 Murder, She Wrote 8.00 Mr Selfridge 9.00 The Specsavers Crime Thriller Club 10.00 DCI Banks 11.00 Law & Order: UK 12.05am Wycliffe

3.00pm New Girl 3.30 The Mindy Project 4.00 Rules Of Engagement (x2) 5.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 New Girl (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Hollyoaks Later 11.00 Big Fat Quiz Of The 80s 12.40am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

11.30am FILM: Town On Trial (1957) 1.25pm Time Team (x2) 3.35 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.45 Location, Location, Location 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 Phil Spencer: Secret Agent 10.00 24 Hours In A&E 11.05 My Phone Sex Secrets 12.10am Phil Spencer: Secret Agent

11.00am Pillow Talk (1959) 1.05pm Avalanche Express (1979) 2.50 To Catch A Thief (1955) 5.00 Rope (1948) 6.40 Ladyhawke (1985) 9.00 Skyline (2010) 10.50 The Girl Who Played With Fire (2009) 1.25am Better Things (2006) 3.35 Close

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