Latest 7 : No. 536

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

Funny business We talk to the people who are making funny their business and preparing for the Edinburgh Festival – Zoe Lyons, Nick Helm and Flange Krammer

H jobs H news H food H listings H tv guide H

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26 July – 1 August 2011

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Things are hotting up at Bikram Yoga Brighton page 19 NICHOLAS PARSONS On starring in Alan Bennett’s A Visit From Miss Prothero

ROYAL VARIETY A look ahead to the new season at Theatre Royal Brighton

HORRID HENRY The children’s favourite comes to the big screen

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2011

CONTENTS >on paper brighton’s magazine

NEWS & COMMENT 04 Latest People Brighton Beer Festival, The Changing Room, RSPCA Open Day, Newhaven Cormorant event 06 News; Latest Inbox The Keep A Child Alive campaign, a young Brighton filmmaker, and the UK’s oldest Elm trees 09 Sport Mark Brailsford welcomes back LuaLua 09 Geeks On Wheels Fake Apple stores, Windows 8, and Mac OS X Lion 10 Bare Cheek What’s app-ening? Logical joke corner and more 10 Mad Matt Matt Whistler’s T-Rex In The City blog 11 City Speak Ruby faces crocodiles, Tash gets her exam results, and Will looks for the noo-noo 12 Snapshots Green MP Caroline Lucas 12 Competitions Win Festibelly tickets, new jewellery, and Submarine on Blu-ray 13 Celebcity Jeff Beck, Freddie Flintoff, Gary Hutchins and more

L7 INTERVIEW 14 Nicholas Parsons, the legendary chairman of Radio 4’s Just A Minute, talks to Andrew Kay about his role in Alan Bennett’s A Visit From Miss Prothero

LIFESTYLE 15 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink; Hotlist The Gallivant at Camber Sands, this week’s hotlist 17 Andrew Kay’s Come Dine At...

North Laine restaurant Breeze

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19 On the cover: wave Bikram Yoga Brighton, plus the chance to win a meal at Manna; sun care products, back care and pregnancy Pilates, relationship advice and a spa break reader offer

26 JULY–1 AUGUST

>online

>on tv

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Matt Whistler is out and about in the city, blogging his adventures on his Facebook page and here in Latest 7. Submit your ideas for what he should be getting up to next. Enter our competitions – there’s still time to win a family ticket to Chessington World Of Adventures. And don’t forget to sign the petition for a local TV station (TV for Brighton made in Brighton) at www.simonkirby.org (click on ‘surveys’). It’s all here: www.thelatest.co.uk/7

14 Brighton Lights

AOH TV specials Take a tour with us around the Artists Open Houses and meet some of the artists involved. Watch our programmes at: thelatest.tv

www.facebook.com/latest7

Comedy, music or clubs?

WHAT’S ON 22 Reviews & bookings The Script, Soundwaves Festival, The Wanted, Adam Ant 24 Latest Previews Theo Stevenson, the 12-year old star of Horrid Henry, interviewed, plus Joe Pasquale, and a look ahead to Theatre Royal Brighton’s new season 28 Stars; TV Highlights & Listings Weekly horoscopes; Dragons’ Den; 7-day TV listings Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Accounts & administration Claire Peerless

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Sales Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Natasha Prochaski Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan

Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive Entertainment Editor & Production Editor Victoria Nangle

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Find out what’s going on in Brighton while you’re on the move with comprehensive listings straight to your mobile phone

m.thelatest.co.uk Editor Zara Baker Sub Editors Glyn George Rachel Junior Editorial Assistant Laura Hayward

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Music Listings Nick Aldwinckle Design Anand Day Andrew Wright

Illustrators Lili Bé Paul Lewis Photography Patrick Kneath Diana Frangi

Brighton is a busy hub of creativity and has an especially respected and valued comedy circuit, fact. So it’s hardly surprising that when The Edinburgh Festival takes over the Scottish capital in August to create the biggest arts showcase in the world, there will be more than a few familiar faces from the Sussex stand-up circuit preparing to show their wares and hustle the laughter to the max. On Brighton Lights this week we have a chat and a sneak peak at new and old material from a select few. They would be Mock The Week, Michael McIntyre’s Roadshow and Komedia’s Bent Double star Zoe Lyons; as seen on Russell Howard’s Good News, Chortle Breakthrough Act award nominee 2011 and brilliant shouty bloke Nick Helm; and our wild card character comic skiing sensation Flange Krammer aka Neil Dagley going up to Edinburgh with his first show. Add to that footage of the excellent BBC New Comedy Award 2011 winner Angela Barnes, who will be seen at spots all over the Northern Festival, and you’ll find this a most satisfying taster of Brighton’s comedy presence.

Victoria Nangle, Latest TV

Watch our shows at www.thelatest.tv If you want to be involved with Latest TV come along to our open meetings every Monday at Latest Musicbar, 5.30pm.

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01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

Our next spectacular wedding issue is out 6th September 2011.

Promote your business and guarantee your space by contacting Natasha on 01273 818150 ex 105 or email natasha@thelatest.co.uk Booking deadline: 16th August.

004_005_LS536_latest people_Social Diary 22/07/2011 15:34 Page 2

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LATEST PEOPLE

latestPEOPLE

Brighton Beer Festival, RSPCA Open Day & Dog Show, The Changing Room opening, and Newhaven Cormorant

Drinks on us

Paul Valentine and Julie Burchill

Brighton Beer Festival 2011 hit the city on 14 July. The four-day festival took place on the seafront in a mega marquee between the two piers.

Celebrities and visitors from all over Sussex enjoyed ales, lagers, ciders, live music, food and a VIP area. The line-up of bands included The Blockheads, Dodgy and The Brighton Beach Boys.

Over 250 top quality drinks from all over the world were available for sampling. The Beer Festival is going to China and Singapore and will be back in Brighton in 2012.

Words and photos: Diana Frangi The Blockheads

Tony Meadows, Mayor Anne meadows, Robert Robertson

Bex Redwood and Simon Parker (Numbskull HQ)

Matt Bennett, Debs Lewis and Stephanie Harding (the organisers of Brighton Beer Festival) with Bob Trimm (Harveys Brewery)

Give the dog a home The RSPCA, Brighton, held their annual Open Day and Dog show on 17 July at a very wet Braypool Playing Fields.

This didn’t deter dog owners to come and enter their pets in competitions such as ‘The Most Handsome Dog’ and ‘The Waggiest Tail’. This year’s event was sponsored by the On Tap Group Property Services, specialists in all types of plumbing, building works and electrics. For more information about other events at the RSPCA go to www.rspca-brighton.co.uk/ eventsrspcabrighton.html Plumbing on Tap, 87 Church Road, Hove, 01273 723600, www.plumbingontap.co.uk Words and photos: Patrick Kneath

Musicians Charlotte Glasson and Stephen Wrigley (The Brighton Beach Boys) Harry the Lurcher (three years old, needs loving)

Elliott Raggio (far right, MD, Plumbing On Tap)

Polo (one year old Staffi looking for a home)

Worzel (Lhasa Apso cross, four years old and wants lots of cuddles)

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latest brighton the digital capital of europe

LATEST PEOPLE Cllr Steve Saunders (Newhaven Town Mayor)

Cash for clothes The Changing Room is a fantastic new clothing agency outlet which opened its doors on 16 July at 146 Islingword Road, just at the bottom of Elm Grove, Brighton. The Changing Room aims to offer high quality clothing at prices that will put a skip in your step. What they do is this: take all those gorgeous bits and pieces you’ve got stashed at the back of the cupboard but which, for whatever reason, you just don’t think work for you anymore. They sell them to a really happy person who can’t believe they found such a lovely item for such a fab price and then they give you back half the cash they sold it for!

More details can be found at www.thechangingroombrighton.co.uk Words and photos: Patrick Kneath

05

Generik Vapeur

Dancing in the streets

There was a spectacular outdoor performance with music and daredevil aerial feats that transformed Newhaven Harbour into a fire-lit, maritime wonderland for one night on Saturday 16 July. Newhaven Cormorant is a collaboration between Brighton-based creative producers Zap Art and celebrated French street arts company Generik Vapeur. This is the second part of the ongoing collaboration with Zap Art/Generik Vapeur as part of the European project ZEPA, (European Zone of Artistic Projects). www.zapart.co.uk, www.generikvapeur.com, www.zepa9.eu Words and photos: Patrick Kneath

Jillie Baber, Sarah Morris (The Changing Room)

Generik Vapeur Sarah Morris, Ali Caddick (local artist), Jillie Baber

Newhaven-Dieppe Ferry

Jillie & Vernon Baber, Sarah & Darren Morris (The Changing Room)

Street artist from Generik Vapeur

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06 LATEST NEWS

L7 News

7

days of headlines with Phil Mills

Child poverty, a decrease in butteflies, green council homes, & police declare gifts

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ccording to the Children and Young People’s Trust Board, over 10,000 children in Brighton and Hove live in poverty. That’s nearly one quarter of all children in the city but in East Brighton the figure is as high as 47 per cent. Their poverty is measured by their families having an income 60 per cent less than the national average.

There are other statistics about child poverty that we were reminded of this week as millions faced starvation in East Africa. The World Health Organisation said the greatest challenge facing children in that part of the world was reaching the age of five. A sobering thought.

Action is being taken against the owners of the former Royal Alexandra Children’s Hospital in Dyke Road, Brighton, to stop the site turning into an eyesore. The City Council has told the developers to remove boarding from window and

doors, repair broken windows and doorframes, repaint timberwork and tidy up overgrown grounds. The building has been empty since the children’s hospital moved to the Royal Sussex County Hospital site in 2007. Planning permission to develop the site was granted earlier this year.

Meanwhile, glamour model Imogen Thomas brightened up a gloomy Brighton beach when she started her new reporting job for ITV’s This Morning by judging a Hunks in Trunks contest.

On the police beat, officers are hunting Champagne Charlie who cons unsuspecting victims out of hundreds of pounds by promising top drawer champers but not delivering. Do you recognise him?

The City Council has ambitious plans to boost energy from renewable sources. Among measures being pursued is the installation of huge solar panels on dozens of council buildings including schools and 1,600 council homes.

Work is expected to start this year.

Sussex Police Rugby Football Club has raised an incredible £10,000 for local good causes in the past few months. The Club donated £3,025 to the Chestnut Tree House Children’s Hospice following a charity auction and raffle at the annual black tie

Photo: Nicky Alldis, I Matter Photography

Brighton & Hove City Council leader Bill Randall on the city’s trees

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little-known fact about Brighton and Hove is that we are lucky enough to have been granted ‘national collection’ status for our magnificent collection of elm trees.

In fact we have what are thought to be the oldest elms in the world: the 'Preston Twins' in Preston Park, estimated to be at least 300 years old. We will be looking at ways in which we can increase education about these amazing landmarks.

Elms thrive in Brighton and Hove thanks to their resistance to seaside weather and ability to grow on thin chalk soil that makes up the

dinner. St Wilfred’s Hospice and Cancerwise both received cheques of £578 after the Club held a fundraising rugby match in memory of Detective Constable Eddie Bristow who died from cancer last year.

Buddleia is blooming everywhere at the moment, but have you noticed they appear bereft of butterflies?

This is why the Big Biodoversity Butterfly Count has been launched nationwide – to find out what’s happening. Dr Dan Danahar from the Butterfly Conservation said: “Butterflies react very quickly to changes in the environment so they are useful indicators of what is happening to our wildlife.” The count goes on until the end of July. To get involved, visit www.citywildlife.org.uk And finally, with all the scandal over allegations of certain News Of The World journalists bribing police, a reporter colleague declared this week that some years ago he would say ‘happy Christmas’ to police contacts with a box of Quality Street.

The gesture was repeated for a number of years until one Christmas when officers declined the gift with an apology and the announcment that a new regulation meant that every gift police received had to be declared.

He was incredulous and told one officer: “But it’s not bribery, it’s just a seasonal greeting, it’s being generous, you know, in the spirit of the season, of giving, of good will to all men and all that.”

The policeman responded: “Sorry, but rules are rules – technically, we’d have to declare every sweet we ate, and we’d probably have to produce all the empty wrappers.”

So what did you do, I asked my colleague. He replied: “We both had a good laugh at how riduculous the whole thing was, then I bought him a beer.”

What do you think? Email comment@thelatest.co.uk Have you been a victim of Champagne Charlie?

comment@thelatest.co.uk follow me on twitter

ground beneath our feet. But one of the key reasons we still have such a fantastic collection is the way in which the trees have been cared for over many years, particularly in the face of Dutch Elm Disease.

The notorious fungus has claimed thousands of trees across the country and around the world. However the council’s Arboricultural Team of ten climbers (known as squirrels) has worked tirelessly to prevent the disease spreading through the city’s 17,000 elm trees. Their swift and early action keeps the beetle at bay. It’s estimated that if our collection were to be struck by this disease, it would cost about £20m to deal with, before you take into account the

latest inbox comment@thelatest.co.uk Charity bike ride The Martlet’s Hospice annual Friday Night Ride to the Coast, takes place on Friday 2 September 2011. The number of entrants is limited to 1,000 to ensure that the event is safe and enjoyable for everyone so register now to take part. The ride leaves London Victoria at midnight, arriving in Brighton in time for breakfast at the seafront. All you need to take part is a roadworthy bike with working brakes and goodquality lights, wearing a helmet is also strongly recommended.

Entry is £15 and all cyclists are asked to raise money for The Martlet’s Hospice in Hove. Enter at www.themartlets.org.uk or call the Fundraising Team for an entry form on 01273 747455.

Carole, Breathe Unity, on behalf of The Martlet’s Hospice Keep your shirt on Four times so far this summer I have been told to “put a shirt on” by various officials in Brighton city centre. Furthermore, I note that it states in the bus timetable book that “shoes and shirt must be worn when travelling on our buses”, which I have not noticed in previous years. Have I missed something? Is there a new bylaw in Brighton forbidding men to be topless away from the beach? I know that various towns in Italy – and now Spain – have introduced such laws in the last few years. Do people really find the sight of bare chested males that offensive?

David Clough, Hove, via email You can also write to Letters, Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton, BN1 4GH

latest7news

public health and visual loss to the local environment.

Elm trees also host the ‘whiteletter hairstreak’ butterfly, as I discovered at the launch of the Big Butterfly Count – a nationwide biodiversity survey. With the help of television presenter Nick Baker and the organisation Butterfly Conservation, Whitehawk Primary schoolchildren kicked off Brighton and Hove’s efforts. Searching for butterflies on Whitehawk Hill, we saw several types, including the Common Blue and the Brown Argus.

We have a fantastic collection of elm trees in our city and any amount of biodiversity environments nearby, particularly on the Downs – where we hope to promote eco-tourism as part of our plans for the new National Park. www.bigbutterflycount.org

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Head of Social Media and Content – Qube Media: Social Media Agency (Brighton and Hove)

Junior Web Developer – Built By Buffalo (Brighton and Hove)

Media Account Executive – GSB Associates (Brighton and Hove)

Junior Web Developer – GSB Associates (Brighton and Hove)

Senior Marketing Account Manager – GSB Associates (Brighton and Hove)

Digital Account / Project Manager – GSB Associates (Brighton and Hove)

Search Marketing Manager – GSB Associates (Brighton and Hove)

Events Co-ordinator – Brighton and Hove Chamber of Commerce (Brighton and Hove)

Digital Marketing Manager – SiteVisibility, a division of AI Digital (Brighton and Hove)

Graphic Designer – William Reed Business Media (Crawley)

Web Developer – AVT Connect (Brighton and Hove)

Bright Online Marketer Required – 7 week project starting in August Urgent Flash AS3 Project – Developer needed Catalogue Artwork – Freelance artworker required Canon DSLR Shooter/Editors – For forthcoming projects

#ideaspub – Wed 3 Aug, 6.30pm – 8.30pm.Venue: The Caxton Arms Lighthouse monthly talk – Thurs 4 Aug, 6.30 – 8.30pm. Venue: The Lighthouse Open Data Brighton & Hove – Tues 9 Aug, 7.30pm – 9pm. Venue: The Quadrant Open Coffee – Thurs 11 Aug, 8am – 9am. Venue: Redwood Coffee House

St George’s Place –Audio suite available for hire North Laine – Large desk space for rent

008_LS536_Marina/News_editorial 22/07/2011 09:15 Page 2

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08 LATEST NEWS

Screaming at Stanmer Darkwood Manor is a new movie by young up-and-coming director Liam Hooper

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young film-maker will have his film screened at the Duke of York’s Picture House on 10 September.

Brighton-based Liam Hooper, 17, made Darkwood Manor with fellow students, teachers, friends and family over a period of three years.

It originated as a Year 8 role-playing exercise but the project became bigger when one of Liam’s tutors challenged him to make a film before he left school.

Many of his influences come from the Scream series of horror films, especially the Nick Cave soundtrack which he also uses.

Liam said: “I was incredibly lucky to be given permission to film at Stanmer House which provided this fantastic balance of old world grandeur combined with a classically chilling horror movie atmosphere.”

The plot centres on a group of

students who stay in a haunted house to raise money to save their school, but once they arrive they start to mysteriously disappear.

Tickets are £8 or £7 for concessions and can be purchased online at www.picturehouses.co.uk or at the box office on 0871 9025728.

Song released for children’s charity A record made to raise money for life-saving HIV drugs will be released on 28 July at the Pop Bar, Royal Oak Hotel, Brighton.

Louis Brown, 34, wrote and produced ‘Angel Of Mine’ as part of the Keep A Child Alive Campaign to help provide treatment to children in Africa and India.

The inspiration for the song came after the death of a close friend and he aims to raise £20,000 for the charity.

Louis said: “Once I discovered the Keep A Child Alive charity I found a way to take a sad experience and turn it into a positive situation that could help others.

“In the UK many people think HIV and AIDS has gone away. We take for granted that people have access to treatment, education and good nutrition. But for the majority of people living in poorer countries this simply isn’t true.”

Many Brighton-based organisations are sponsoring the campaign, such as Pamoja, Midnight Communications and Jackfruit Media.

The record launch will also have raffle prizes, including a weekend break in Loch Lomond in Scotland, a pair of Toy watches, champagne and other prizes.

To support the charity you can download the single from iTunes or Amazon or to donate text MINE99 followed by the amount to 70070.

L7 NEWS in brief Appeal for film funding >Paddle Round The Pier

Thousands revelled in the sunshine at Hove Lawns to make this year’s Paddle Round The Pier the biggest beach festival in Europe. Nearly 50,000 spectators watched skateboarding, BMX riding and live music as well as the obligatory ‘paddle round the pier’ and crowd favourite ‘paddle something unusual’. To see photos and videos go to www.paddleroundthepier.com.

>ITV1 roadshow Vocal harmony boy band The Overtones kicked-off This Morning's live seaside roadshow at Doughnut Grove in Brighton last week. The tour began on 18 July and will run until 1 September. The show was hosted by Stacey Solomon and Brian Dowling. >Award for top employer A Brighton employer has been ranked in the top 100 apprenticeship schemes in the country. Temptation Café in Gardner Street received the accolade last month at the National Apprenticeship Awards at the Mermaid Theatre in London.

A disabled man from Worthing is appealing for help to complete a film about his muscle-wasting condition. Jon Hastie, 30, was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy when he was three and needs round the clock care.

Duchenne is a progressive, muscular wasting disease and Jon has already lived longer then expected. Despite his condition he completed a Bachelor’s Degree in Politics and International Relations, a Masters in Environmental Studies and a PhD in Government.

He said: “I wanted my film to document my meeting with fellow people with Duchenne while highlighting the positive angle of their lives.” Production of A Life Worth Living began in 2010 but it is only half complete and he needs to raise a further £50,000 to finish the project.

Jon decided to make the film after he saw Darius Goes West: The Roll of His Life, a film about Darius Weems, who also has Duchenne, travelling 7,000 miles across America.

He is still hopeful of completing the film in time for the industry awards season in September as he recently completed a road trip around the UK before meeting his final interviewee in Amsterdam.

For further details or to donate visit www.alifeworthlivingfilm.com

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Words: Chris Dyer

009_LS536_sport/geeks_editorial 22/07/2011 09:04 Page 1

latest brighton the digital capital of europe

L7 Sport Up the Albion!

Mark Brailsford welcomes back LuaLua

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ith the Albion in Portugal at the time of writing and with new signing Romain Vincelot (whose nickname must surely become Sir Vincelot) joining the squad in time to join the team for preseason, Gus Poyet’s squad is shaping up nicely. The much anticipated arrival of Will Hoskins has added an exciting, goal scoring forward to replace a bloke up front I no longer know the name of, and Will Buckley, a very promising creative player with Championship experience, has beefed up the forward options. A talented young Dutchman who has impressed in pre-season (Roland Bergkamp) and of course, the transfer coup of the Championship so far: the signing of Craig Mackail-Smith. Most teams would be more than happy with those signings. But then factor in the completion of the signing of Kazenga LuaLua (at last!) initially on loan, with a view to final purchase in January, and Christmas has come early for Albion fans already blessed with the new state of the art stadium.

Setting aside the excitement over new signings, there is another significant “The smart money is knock on effect worth noting: on Noone to start the effect this has on the existing squad. Let’s not with LuaLua coming forget the players who did so well helping The Albion to the on to destroy teams” League One Championship last season: Dicker, Greer, Angreken, Calderon, Painter, Barnes and Bridcut, and player of the season, Adam El-Abd. Leaving aside the defector to the enemy whose name I forget, there is one more player who our rivals will overestimate at their peril. He was signed mid-season, had little time to integrate but quickly proved to not only be a fan favourite but to be a threat to any defence, no matter how obdurate. This player is also reportedly having a terrific impact in the friendly matches played so far and can only benefit from a full preseason being coached by Gus Poyet. He also seems to be spurred on by the new signings, which is the sign of a very good player. The player I'm referring to is Craig Noone and it is he who I am tipping to be the player who may have the biggest impact in the first few weeks of the season.

The reason for this analysis is this: if Gus sticks to his tried and tested method of play, which involves passing the ball around opposition teams, tiring them out and then unleashing an offensive attacking player to kill them off, then be prepared to see only one of Noone and LuaLua to start. It is likely they will only both be on the pitch at the same time if we are chasing the game or if Gus decides that attack is the best form of defence. Imagine a game where the pass and move of a fluid midfield dominates with Buckley on one wing and Noone on the other. Then you unleash LuaLua? Or you start with Kazenga and Buckley and then unleash Noone? Either way, that’s an attack to be feared, whoever you are. The smart money is on Noone to start with LuaLua coming on to destroy teams, especially for away games.

And what about Ashley Barnes, who is still young and learning his trade and scored 20 goals last season? Factor him in and it’s hard not to be optimistic. Here is the cautionary note. What about the defence? This is why the first analysis is the most likely, mainly due to the stretched resources at the back. Don’t forget Adam El-Abd and Tommy Elphick will be missing from the first few games of the season so some commentators are suggesting that a new defender is now a priority for the team. This may not be as pressing an issue as some may suppose.

Lewis Dunk has not looked out of place whenever he has stepped in so he should not be discounted from the manager’s thoughts.

With kick-off appraching on 6 August, there is one more pre-season friendly for your diaries: the return of the much loved play Brighton ‘Til I Die on 27 and 28 July at Theatre Royal Brighton. As an actor in the play, I can tell you it has been an amazingly emotional experience reliving The Albion’s battle to survive alongside memories of the first production a decade ago. Come and be amazed at the story of what can be achieved when people stick together in a common cause.

SPORT GEEKS-ON-WHEELS 09

Geeks-on-Wheels Jamie Shaw of Geeks-on-Wheels knows what’s new in computerland Apple on a roll Apple has announced a record profit as iPad sales surged on the back of strong demand for the iPad 2. Apple achieved $28.57 billion in sales in the firm’s fiscal third quarter, up from $15.70 billion a year ago. 20.34 million iPhones were sold with iPad sales up 182 per cent to 9.25 million units.

China was key in the Apple results with the region now contributing 13.3 per cent of Apple’s revenue, compared to just 4 per cent a year ago.

Not so sweet Chinese Apple An American blogger living in China has revealed the existence of a number of fake Apple stores in the Chinese city of Kunming. The blog, Bird Abroad, reported that the stores are virtually identical to their legitimate counterparts, but were let down by a few minor details.

“It looked like an Apple store. It had the classic Apple store winding staircase and weird upstairs sitting area. The employees were even wearing those blue T-shirts with the chunky Apple name tags around their necks,” reported the blogger.

The blogger also noted that: “Some things were just not right, the stairs were poorly made, the walls hadn’t been painted properly.” Despite this, the staff all apparently believed they genuinely worked for Apple, and even allowed the bloggers to take photos after the Westerners told them they were US Apple employees.

Windows 8 update Windows 8, due in 2012, will have the same system requirements as Windows 7 according to a Microsoft executive speaking at the firm’s Worldwide Partner Conference. While Vista represented a substantial specifications hike over the former Windows XP, the focus of Microsoft’s work for Windows 7 centred on

performance such that the current operating system runs better on the same hardware than Vista.

Malware warning Google has discovered malware misdirecting users of its internet search service. The malware arrives on victims’ desktops as fake antivirus or “scareware” programs.

These use misleading warnings about security threats to trick people into purchasing worthless security software. The malware intercepts traffic destined for highprofile domains like google.com, yahoo.com and bing.com. It routes the traffic through intermediate hosts or proxies controlled by the attackers. The proxies modify the victim’s search results and redirects traffic to pay-per-click schemes that pay for traffic to specific websites. If you get caught out call Geeks-onWheels for prompt, onsite help.

Leopard, Tiger and now Lion Apple has released the latest version of its Macintosh operating system (OS), Mac OS X Lion, via its Mac App Store. The eighth major release of the OS now offers multi-touch gestures, system-wide support for full-screen apps and Mission Control – a bird’s eye view of all software running. The update also includes the Mac App Store built into the OS, redesigned Mail app and AirDrop, which automatically sets up peer-to-peer wireless connections with nearby Macs for easier file transferring. Mac OS X Lion is available as a 4GByte download for Mac OS X version 10.6.6 Snow Leopard from the Mac App Store for £20.99. Mac OS X Lion Server requires Lion and is available from the Mac App Store for £34.99. The OS X Lion upgrade is available free of charge to customers who purchased Mac systems after 6 June 2011.

Lion requires an Intel-based Mac with a core 2 duo, i3, i5, i7 or Xeon processor and 2GB of RAM.

Geeks-on-Wheels Europe Ltd. won the PC Retail Awards 2010 ‘Service and Support’ category – our IT support services really are second to none for consumers and businesses. Try our managed cloud back-up service for small business customers – www.backupservices.geeks-on-wheels.com/ Geeks-on-Wheels Europe support home and small business customers across the south-east of England.

Call free on 0800 107 4111 (outside the M25) or 0800 107 4110 (London – within the M25) to reserve your Geek.

010_LS536_barecheek/madmatt_Editorial 22/07/2011 12:30 Page 2

ONLY JOKING!

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

WHAT’S APP-ENING?

The latest apps for your smartphone

WHAT WOULD SHERIFF ROSCOE DO? £1.39 App which demonstrates what Roscoe P. Coltrane, the

All the events in your neighbouhood that have already happened...

Vintage Ka Rally – Smart Cars from as long ago as 1996 Sunday July 17th, 11.00am Woodingdean Guacamole Festival Saturday July 23rd 12.00–8.00pm Mediaeval Fayre Sunday July 17th Back of St. Peter’s Church, 1.00pm Seaford Annual Hair-cutting Tournament Monday July 25th, 9.30am

PAMPHLETEER £1.99 Broadcast your opinions to the world in the manner of a 19th century gentleman with our range of virtual pamphlet templates. Whether it’s a heartfelt condemnation of the practice of slavery or a humorous monograph entitled “On the Eating of Eggs with Salt”, “Pamphleteer” will do you proud.

GAY BEST FRIEND £3.99 Girls! Ever wished you had a male homosexual best buddy with whom to exchange scurrilous gossip and tales of dating woe, just like in the movies? Well say hello to “Gay Best Friend” – the virtual “friend of Dorothy” who repeats randomly one of fifteen patented “Gay Best Friend” slogans at selected intervals throughout the day. Slogans include “You go, girl!”, “Well, excuuuuuse me!” and “Oh dearie me – look what the bloody cat’s dragged in. Look – dry your eyes and crack open the Tuaca. I always said you two weren’t suited.”

Fete Accompli

Mile Oak Sponsored Pub Crawl Monday July 25th, 7.30pm Senior Citizens’ Life Drawing St Aubyn’s Prep School, High Street.

Monday 18 July, 2.30pm Brunswick Property Jamboree – day-long festival organised by Hove’s leading Estate and Lettings agencies.

With live bands and a bouncy castle.

Sunday July 24th 1.00pm fictional sheriff from The Dukes Of Hazzard, would do in any given situation. The other day I was confronted by both my wife and my heavily-pregnant girlfriend while in bed with my girlfriend’s best friend. It was a slightly awkward situation to say the least, but luckily I had my iPhone with me, and was able to access my app and find out what Sheriff Roscoe would have done in such a situation, which turned out to be “hold his hat in his hands and go ‘guh-guh-guh’. Thanks ‘What Would Sheriff Roscoe do’!”

– Wayne Farnborough, Worksop

JOKE CORNER LOGICAL

10

Get ready to hold your sides for more rational funnies!

A: I’m on a seafood diet.

B: Oh really?

A: I'm only allowed seafood, and freshwater fish. And, of course, fruit and vegetables.

Mad Matt Matt Whistler’s ‘T-Rex In The City’ blog

T

his week’s venture into the unknown saw Matt try to get a date dressed as the original 20th century boy, Marc Bolan, and blog about his efforts to ‘get it on’.

“Well, if Sarah Jessica Parker and company can make two massive movies out of it then I don’t see why ‘T-Rex In The City’ won’t work just as well,” said Matt.

Matt’s wardrobe made the transformation simple. Donned with a trademark velvet jacket and top hat for his new profile picture on Gumtree, he set about finding a date.

“My ad read: Marc Bolan look-alike seeks date for internet blog,” he said, “And the response was overwhelming. The kind I thought was reserved for when someone loses his toothbrushes.”

As Matt sifted through the responses he thought he’d found an absolute stunner. “They say don’t judge a book by its cover but she was the most beautifully bound book of all books with salacious long legs and hair to die for... Well, at least that’s what I thought when I saw her from the other end of the tunnel on the seafront,” he said.

Unfortunately, as the tall blonde emerged from the darkness into the light, she seemed to transform from a white swan into more of an ugly duckling.

“I suddenly realised there had been a mistake and the ad had been picked up by a transvestite.

“Before I could say ‘Telegram Sam’, I was dramatically pulled into the bosom of a man as he said ‘Well hello there, Mr Hot Love.

“I’m not saying this was a disaster but it was definitely unexpected.”

Despite the shock, the rest of the evening proved to be a success as the pair enjoyed a charming evening meal at Bom Banes. The Belgian cuisine was lovely and not one hair from Matt’s curly wig fell into the soup.

“The conversation was bubbly as the cocktails flowed amidst banter that was both fascinating and sillyphosical,” Matt said.

What we used to say We struggle to remember the original, simple, once common terms that have been abandoned in favour of crass Americanisms.

WHAT WE SAY NOW: “It happened on my watch.”

We’ve grown accustomed to this phrase of late. It has been wielded heroically by a lot of compromised figures in the worlds of politics, business, and journalism, attempting to admit a tiny sliver of responsibility, while simultaneously trying to extricate themselves from the mire. It has the added advantage of making the speaker sound like a tough American policeman in a TV cop show, rather than the Minister for Agriculture and Fisheries.

WHAT WE USED TO SAY: “I was negligent”, “I was lax”, “I’m to blame”, or “Guilty, your honour.”

Q: What has four wheels and flies?

A: Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Q: What’s a Greek urn?

A: A large, decorative vase, often with an ornamental pedestal, sometimes used for storing cremated ashes.

“Although I did make it clear in a jovial manner that desert was strictly waffles only.”

The Bolan attire even came in handy at the end of the night as on the way down St James’s Street, Matt’s ‘date’ started to take an extra shine to him.

“The tranny asked to borrow my metallic blue platform boots, so I tossed the feather boa round my neck and left a trail of sequins and glitter in my wake,” he said.

Let us know what adventures you’d like Matt to get up to next at www.facebook.com/latest7 Words: Richard Hook Read Matt’s full blog at www.facebook.com/ mattwhistlerbrighton

011_LS536_cityspeak_Editorial 22/07/2011 11:07 Page 1

CITY SPEAK

Life begins at 70

Teen Spirit

Ruby Grimshaw has an adventure in Borneo

Tasha Dhanraj gets her exam results

W

T

hile I did enjoy my were there but we were assured they Indonesian holiday were definitely around, hiding in the enormously, the one thing I nipa palms and mangrove swamps was very glad to see again when I along the sides of the river, watching. arrived back home was a lavatory Two tourists in the last few years seat. I know it is very good to did not listen to this advice and crouch over a hole in the ground were taken by crocodiles, one never (apparently Far Eastern women to be seen again, while the body of have less incontinence and the other man was found later on an constipation problems than women underwater ledge, with a single leg in the West) but I did find using a injury – stored no doubt by the croc ladle and a bucket of for eating later. None brown river water of us showed any made me long to see wish to swim. that puppy carrying “Two tourists My mobile phone a loo roll. did not enjoy the trip.

Spending a penny did not listen to The screw top on my on the boat was a Deet anti-mosquito this advice and feat not to be stick came loose in undertaken too my bum bag and were taken by often. There were leaked onto the only wooden slats on crocodiles” phone, taking off the the floor of the little surface on the shack fixed onto the outside and melting stern, and it was the paint on the interesting to watch one’s pee as it inside. It is still working but does joined the waters of the Sekonyer not look very happy. Luckily I am River. (Not so fascinating the day I due to get an updated model next had a tummy bug though.) Also, month. Another woman found that there was only a half-door, so as her bottle of Deet had leaked inside one stood up after doing what one her haversack and one side pocket had to do, one could wave to one’s was completely ruined. I was less friends at the other end of the boat. generous with the Deet on my body The river was the answer to after this. everyone and everything. The locals I loved all the vegetarian food in bathed, did their laundry and fished Borneo and was surprised to find I in it. However, we were warned not had lost a few pounds when I to swim behind the boat in it. I only returned home. Probably all that managed to glimpse one baby tramping and sweating through the crocodile during the whole time we jungle. What a bonus!

Will Harris on the military operation of parenthood

“O

h God, no! Oh God, we can’t have lost the noo-noo!” This despairing wail is issuing forth from my sister’s rear end, my sister’s front end being currently occupied underneath a two-seater sofa at my dad’s house in the West Country.

“Noo-noo,” says my niece, who is nearly two, and is passing through a developmental phase where she repeats the last word of every sentence she hears. This means you can just about get away with swearing in her presence (as I do frequently), so long as you’re quick-witted enough to tack on an extra couple of words and hope she doesn’t notice.

“Have you found it yet?” asks my sister’s partner, a one-man bomb squad of sticker books, boxes of biscuits, in fact anything to diffuse the inevitable meltdown when my niece realises all this commotion about the noo-noo isn’t just some elaborate game of peepo.

“Yes, I’ve found it. Obviously,” says the darkness under the sofa bitterly. “You have got the bic-bics ready, haven’t you?”

“What have you lost?” asks my dad, wandering in from the kitchen. It is his 60th birthday today, so – if you consider that none of us would be in this situation if it weren’t for him propagating his genes about willy-nilly – all this is technically his fault.

he day I had been waiting for on a train to London King’s Cross; finally arrived. Results day. If crying and snivelling and causing you could imagine the worst the kind of awkward silence in the possible place to be when you first carriage that only an emotional heard what your Sixth Form results woman can. were, it probably wouldn’t be as Luckily, my boyfriend forced me uncomfortable as where I was. At to look rationally at my options in 9am on 6 July, I was in my cousin’s light of my ‘disastrous’ results. living room at one of the most Within minutes, I discovered that I prestigious could still apply universities in to another the world. I was university that “And like that, I due to go to an I am in awe of, open day at along with snapped out of 10.15am at the several other university I’d highly respected my self-loathing spent the last ones. And like cesspool of despair” that, I snapped 18 years fantasising out of my selfabout. How that loathing cessday turned out depended on what pool of despair. But if I’m honest, tone of voice my mother had as I don’t think it was just that. she called me to deliver the news.

Over the last two years, I have Unfortunately, the tone was had hideous fears realised with sombre. After a quick chat with the close family and friends dying, director of studies, it was clear I that even now still devastate me to had to say goodbye to my dream. think about. When I compare that I received 38 points on my to only getting ‘fairly excellent’ International Baccalaureate. That grades on some qualification that puts me roughly in the top five per in six months time nobody will cent of candidates in the world who probably ever ask me about again, took the course. But in the words of scores just don’t matter. Getting a fellow IB-er who received the perspective is part of growing up. same number of points as me, “But More important than a piece of I want to be in the top one per paper saying that I’m officially not cent.” Even compared to the other an idiot, is realising that life isn’t people in my class I did well, but just about quantitative success. the problem with success is that it I’ve got far too much to be thankful is all relative. In my head, I was a for than to worry about whether or failure. That’s why at 3.15pm I was not I revised enough for French.

“The noo-noo,” says my stepmother, buried up to the armpit behind the TV. “Bloody Hell,” says my dad, before remembering to add: “said the hippopotamus.”

“Topomus,” says my niece.

So here we are, five adults between the ages of 28 and 60, frantically turning an entire country cottage upside down in search of an errant noo-noo (NB. I am not really searching; I am wondering whether, at this stage in the process, and with my sister already teetering on the brink of madness, it would be a wise move to point out I don’t know what a noo-noo is).

All this drama, of course, is lost on my niece. She hasn’t even asked for her noo-noo. Instead, she is quite content to continue industriously transferring stickers onto my stepmother’s antique furniture (something else I am studiously ‘not noticing’).

Spending the last few days with my sister’s young family has been an eye-opening experience. They may have got “She is a pint-sized parenthood down to a well-oiled generalissimo with military operation, but it’s my niece an army of two” who is at the top of the chain of command. Every time she moves, a new toy is thrust at her. When she opens her mouth, a biscuit appears.

She is a pint-sized generalissimo with an army of two, and a limitless arsenal of Peppa Pig merchandise.

My sister emerges from beneath the sofa, her nose wrinkling.

She glowers up at her partner. “Has she...?”

The rest of us dive for cover, but it is already too late. Our little dictator has released a weapon of mass destruction. follow me on twitter

latestwill

Illustration: Paul Lewis www.pointlessrhino.com

William Tells

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012_LS536_snapshots-comps _Editorial 22/07/2011 09:40 Page 2

12 SNAP SHOTS

Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: Green MP Caroline Lucas

“

I feel hugely honoured to represent Brighton Pavilion in Parliament, and I’m doing all I can to be the strong, independent voice our city deserves. As MP, I’m working with community groups, local businesses and the new Greenled council to help build on Brighton’s excellent reputation as a diverse and creative economy in which independent business can thrive.

Brighton has a real opportunity to become the UK’s greenest city, and with initiatives to promote sustainable transport, improve housing, encourage investment in new jobs and reduce our eco footprint, we can make this beautiful city an even better place to live.

”

Brighton is celebrated for returning the country’s first ever Green MP, Caroline Lucas, who is also leader of the Green Party. As MP for Brighton Pavilion, she is an articulate and persuasive voice for Green issues on a national level, and now with the Green led city council she looks forward to making the city a trail-blazer for environmentally friendly policies. In Parliament she is Co-Chair of the all-party Parliamentary Group on Fuel Poverty, and is a member of other groups close to her heart, such as the Sustainable Housing, Animal Welfare, and CND APPGs. Caroline lives in Brighton with her husband and two children, enjoys the city’s proximity to the sea and South Downs, and when she does have spare time, she can be found reading, or watching The West Wing. www.carolinelucas.com

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

COMPETITIONS SUBMARINE ON BLU-RAY

Better known as the loveable, big-haired geek Moss in Graham Linehan’s I.T department sitcom The I.T Crowd, downright hilarious comedy actor Richard Ayoade went behind the camera earlier this year with his acclaimed debut, Submarine, which is released on DVD and Blu-Ray, 1 August. A rites-of-passage tale based on Joe Dunthorne’s novel, the film stars Craig Roberts, Sally Hawkins and Paddy Considine. We have two copies of the film on Blu-ray to give to readers who can answer this simple question:

Q What is the name of Richard Oyoeade’s character in the show Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace?

FESTIBELLY FESTIVAL

The New Forest’s very own music and comedy festival returns on Saturday 27 August, this year headlined by electro-popsters New Young Pony Club (pictured). The event, which takes place in an idyllic location just outside of Lymington, is proud to be free of any corporate sponsorship. With a carefree, intimate vibe, decent line-up including Ghostpoet, Drums Of Death and Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs, and a stage literally up a tree, this should be great fun. We have two pairs of tickets to give away if you can answer this:

Q Which Biblical character is well-known for having entered the belly of a whale?

ORELIA ACCESSORIES

Brighton-based accessories retailer Orelia, which provides items nationwide to Topshop, seems to be on the up, with its blend of reasonable-pricing and high quality goods a winning formula.

We have an Alexia bracelet, Ella ring and Scarlett bracelet to give away to anyone who can answer this: Q What is the first name of Frodo Baggins’ uncle who found the ‘one ring’ in The Lord of the Rings?

Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN,

EMAIL competitions@thelatest.co.uk

with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email.

Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. The closing date is Monday 8 August.

013_LS536_celebcity_Celebcity 22/07/2011 08:59 Page 1

SPONSORED BY

CELEBCITY

Celebcity with Jo Brooks Jeff Beck’s honarary doctorate, plus Gary Hutchins, Freddie Flintoff, The Overtones & Big Brother stars

MUSIC DOCTOR L

egendary guitarist Jeff Beck was made an Honorary Doctor of Music by the University of Sussex last week, following his nomination for the honour by the Brighton Institute of Modern Music (BIMM). Jeff Beck received his award at the University’s graduation ceremony for the School of Media, Film and Music, which took place at Brighton Dome on Thursday 21 July 2011.

The honorary doctorate bestowed on Jeff Beck acknowledges an outstanding musical career and celebrates the relationship between the University and BIMM, where Jeff has proved to be an inspiration and support to future generations of musicians. Jeff Beck’s guitar playing has been a huge influence and inspiration, while he has been called upon to collaborate with a legion of artists including Mick Jagger, David Bowie, Stevie Wonder, Kate Bush and Morrissey.

“In 2010, Jeff found time to visit BIMM and deliver a now legendary masterclass, where he produced the most incredible guitar tone and performance we have ever heard,” says Bruce Dickinson, education director at BIMM. “We are delighted to welcome Jeff Beck to the University of Sussex as Honorary Doctor of Music,” says University of Sussex Vice-Chancellor Professor Michael Farthing. “While BIMM students benefit from the academic rigour provided by Sussex in validating their degree studies, they also undoubtedly benefit at BIMM from privileged contact with musicians of high calibre and reputation, such as Jeff Beck.” www.sussex.ac.uk/graduation/ceremony

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BOWLED OVER

We were all googly-eyed when we saw Freddie Flintoff at Brighton’s Moshi Moshi restaurant last week.

The handsome cricketer was tucking into some delicious Japanese with his whole family, causing many female fans to turn into dribbling diners. It was no surprise therefore to see Moshi Moshi mentioned in The Sunday Times last week as a celeb hot spot. Mentioning the likes of JLS, Katie Price, Julie Walters, Nick Cave and even Heather Mills as fans, journalist Eleanor Mills was singing the restaurant’s praises. Get down there this summer to see if you can get a side order of celeb with your Miso, and if not there is always the owner, Karl, who Mills described as the “best thing” about the restaurant anyway.

THIS MORNING IN BRIGHTON Last week we brought you the news that ITV’s This Morning crew were here filming – on a not so sunny Brighton beach. Stacey Solomon, Big Brother’s Brian Dowling and Imogen Thomas, and five-piece band The Overtones took over Brighton seafront and entertained a big crowd despite the miserable weather. The Overtones performed live on the beach, which really brought the The Overtones sun out, even getting Imogen to boogieon-down despite her killer heels. Brian was characteristically bright and perky although he said he was feeling a bit worse for wear after the night before! Brian had been seen out tucking into salad at Brighton’s Donatello restaurant alongside Imogen on Sunday night, and no doubt went on to have a small sample of our nightlife.

We snapped him and Stacey being briefed before going live; ever the professional – you’d never have guessed he was feeling a little peaky! The Overtones return to the South Coast on 4 August when they will be playing at Butlins in Bognor Regis!

GUITAR HERO Hove guitar maker Gary Hutchins has brought music to the ears of many a celeb, we recently found out. Bill Bailey was the latest to play the famous Hutchins 6-neck, of which there are only about a dozen, at this year’s ‘Sunflower Jam’ at the Royal Albert Hall. But it doesn’t end there.

Apparently Prince Charles showed an interest in the guitar while chatting to Bill Bailey backstage. Brighton’s own Fat Boy Slim owns one of the coveted guitars, while another is soon to be displayed in the V&A museum, but watch this space, perhaps next we’ll see Prince Charles rocking out on a 6-neck.

Have you spotted a celeb in the city? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

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014_LS536_interview_011_LS466_interview 22/07/2011 11:31 Page 2

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INTERVIEW

JUST A MINUTE

Nicholas Parsons is the legendary chairman of Radio 4’s iconic panel game Just A Minute but Andrew Kay manages to catch a few minutes with him, without repetition, hesitation or deviation, as he prepares for his appearance in Alan Bennett’s A Visit From Miss Prothero I want to talk to you about your forthcoming performance in the play. Are you looking forward to it?

Yes, I haven’t started rehearsing it and I have other things before it you know, but I’m looking forward to that. Once I get caught up in it, I will thoroughly enjoy it because I am a person who gives my all to every job I get.

Is this your first return to acting for some time?

No, I’ve been in Miss Marple on television just recently. I was trained and as actor and although I’ve always done lots of different things, I always call myself an actor.

You were very prolific as an actor originally, what was the sudden turning point when you started to become more of a TV presenter?

I didn’t start deliberately. Unfortunately, due to the attitude – not so much of the British, more of the English, and the press – once you do something that is different, they start to put a label around you. I was always labelled as an actor and a comedy actor and a comedian and everything like that. Then when I’d done the one game show they suddenly said, ‘Oh, he’s a quiz show host’, and it actually did me a lot of harm and I didn’t get any more acting parts; they didn’t ask me to be in films. But basically you don’t forget it, the acting skill. It’s always there

and I just go with the flow, with whatever job’s on offer. I seem to be able to turn my talent to whatever uses, to use lots of different disciplines. I call them different disciplines because it’s a different discipline to be in a play, in a comedy; a different discipline to being a stand up; a different discipline to hosting a game show or a quiz show. I absorb the atmosphere that’s right for those and pursue that line.

And is the excitement still there doing that?

Yes. I wouldn’t still be doing it at my advanced age if I didn’t enjoy it all. And this play is one of those joys. The director asked me if I would ever do this and I happened to be in Edinburgh doing my live chat show so I said yes, why not? I thought it would be great fun and very interesting. It might remind the powers that be, such as they are, that I am still an actor.

Where do you find the energy? You never stop...

You’ve just got to force yourself, haven’t you?

Otherwise you may as well just give it all up and fade away. I also think that the public are so fickle that if I wasn’t constantly around they’d think I was dead.

“The public are so fickle –

if I wasn’t constantly around they’d think I was dead” There’s no chance of that...

So I rest up, I have a little drug I take which is called sleep, so I make sure I always get my siesta and I catnap which keeps me going.

How are you approaching playing this part? Alan Bennett is so often done with a generic northern-ness...

There’s a lot of hoohah talked about acting. I approach it with instinct. I talk to the director. I read the play and my instinct tells me what I should do. Alan Bennett writes in a very northern way and I think it has got to be played with a northern accent otherwise it won’t sound real. I will do this with a slight educated northern accent [slips into a soft northern accent]. So I’ll talk like that, e’s just retired and e’s not int’rested in ’is visitor, more int’rested in ’is budgie. I sound a bit like Alan Bennett already, don’t I? It’s a very sad play, too...

Yes, there is sadness in it but I think in all sadness there can be a bit of

Nicholas Parsons with co-star Suki Webster Photo: Frode Sorensen

humour and warmth. I hadn’t realised that.

I don’t look for the sadness. I look for the touches of humour in everything which makes the show more exciting. I look for things that make life more exciting.

Do you still get the same thrill from doing Just A Minute?

Oh yes, It’s probably my favourite job. It’s just one of those shows that has evolved and I have added subtle little differences to make it more exciting. It’s such a fun thing to do and I really look forward to it.

I particularly like it when there is a new panelist who doesn’t know how it works...

Oh, I don’t. It’s a lot of extra sweat for me and also because there’s nothing for me to say – I’m exaggerating as always, it’s just easier when you have four people who have played it before. It’s such a difficult game that a newcomer will automatically be struggling. I will have to subtly twist a challenge to make sure that they come into things. I even do it blatantly sometimes but you mustn’t let them feel patronised, just let them get a fair crack at the whip. It adds a frisson but it’s all very sporting – even though they all desperately want to win.

Is there a waiting list of performers who want to be on the show?

I don’t know, that’s the producer’s job, not mine.

It’s quite an iconic show so I guess there is a list but they don’t pay us a lot of money on radio, so they must want to do it for the status. It’s been going for 44 years.

Is it true you have never missed a recording?

No, I have never missed a recording since we did the pilot back in 1967. I’ve done over 800 shows now.

Do you hope that this will lead you to do more ‘legitimate’ theatre again?

I don’t know. Maybe someone will see it and see that I can act and think of something for me. It’s a strange business this and we are all still rogues and vagabonds. We’re dependent on the favours of others or them having seen you in the past. I have here a request for me to do a comedy sketch show for radio. You just do things as you are asked, when people want me.

Do you get nagged by your family to slow down?

Yes. But my wife is very supportive and helps me tremendously. She drives me everywhere, but yes, occasionally she says ‘you’re mad’, and I listen to her. I have become more selective. I’ve been asked to do a play next year but I have decided that I don’t want to do a 12 week tour so I have asked my agent to turn that down. I’m being sensible for once.

A Visit From Miss Prothero, 29 July, 7.30pm, £5, Upstairs At Three And Ten, 10 Steine Street, Brighton BN2 1TE, 07800 983 290 www.upstairsatthreeandten.co.uk Friday show prior to an Edinburgh Fringe run

015_LS536_food__food 22/07/2011 10:08 Page 1

ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK

Food & Drink Andrew Kay returns to The Gallivant at Camber Sands for an overnight stay

Life’s a beach O

h, I do like to be beside the seaside. Oh, I know, I live by the seaside, but it’s pebbles and I like sand. Camber has sand, hence its full name.

It also has The Gallivant so that’s two reasons to go.

I collected Mr R from Eastbourne on route and by 6.45pm we had checked into our cosy room with a very deliciously comfortable bed and headed to the bar and a much welcome pint. The beer from Chapel Down may cost a pretty penny but it’s so delicious that I didn’t mind. Sadly the weather was windy, light to moderate with showers. We braved the decking for a while but gave up in the end and came in.

On my last visit I did the cookery school, an excellent day of fine food demos and dining. This time it was the full works, dinner, an overnight stay and breakfast. I’ll cut to the breakfast here because it is pretty damn good, clean and fresh, yes even my full English was delightfully light and that came with stunning black pudding, the kind I love with cubes of pork fat.

At dinner the night before “The service is excellent, the chef, Bruce, who is there when you need it notoriously reluctant to come out of his kitchen, but never in your face” spotted me and ventured out for a chat. He’s still as excited about The Gallivant, having done the Michelin star thing in London, and talked animatedly about the local produce that he is so passionate about.

Mr R started with Rye Bay potted shrimps. I looked on with envy as he moaned with delight. My mussels in cider were excellent, big plump orange fellows in a light broth with great bread. Fish being the thing I moved on to an amazing plaice with a crust of crab with chilli. Getting the balance of those three could have proved tricky but it was so well judged. I loved it and the samphire that lay beneath. The potatoes, carrots and greens on the side were equally delicious and honest, simplicity being the key here.

Mr R had the lamb rump, a huge sliced chunk of sweet local lamb with a tasty jus and jewel-like vegetables. He loved it. So did I, the food here has a refreshing simplicity that goes a long way.

Bruce was keen for me to try the cherry fool, so I did. Again

15

simple pleasures but executed with style and with skill. Mr R’s chocolate pudding tasted great but looked less impressive and I could see him eyeing my cherries and shortbread with envy.

Food is a great part of The Gallivant’s allure, the menu is short, locally sourced and seasonal; three big ticks for that. It is also sensibly priced and the ambience is totally relaxed and in keeping with the gentle nature of the hotel.

As a hotel it is stylish without being contrived. The emphasis is on simple comforts rather than pretentious luxury and they are certainly geared up to deal with the needs of families as well as adults – but not to the point that Mr R and I felt out of place.

The service is excellent, too, there when you need it but never in your face, a trait that often makes luxury hotel living feel like you are being spied on.

Camber Sands is a strange place, not much there except for the beach– but what a beach. Miles of golden sand and softly rolling dunes. Had the weather been less inclement I would almost certainly have scared the natives by donning my swimming costume and taking to the waves.

Camber is ideally suited as a central base for some of the nicest parts of East Sussex and the Kent border with places like Rye and Derek Jarman’s garden within easy reach. We left after our fine breakfast and drove the short journey to Bodiam where we visited the superb moated castle.

The Gallivant is certainly on the list latest 7 supports for a return visit, maybe in autumn for a weekend of beach walks and great seafood. See you there?

The Gallivant, New Lydd Road, Camber, Rye, TN31 7RB For hotel and restaurant bookings and also the Cookery School 01797 225 057 or email info@thegallivant.com have you voted yet? www.thegallivanthotel.com brightonfoodawards.com

Where’s best for seafood? andrew@thelatest.co.uk

Light bites Food Festival Sad as it is to point this out, but autumn is not that far away and with it the advent of my favourite food season. It will also see the start of this year’s Autumn Brighton & Hove Food & Drink Festival, a month long celebration of all things gastronomic and local.

As a committee member of the festival I am privy to the ongoing plans and I can reveal that this autumn they are bigger and better than ever.

In spring I was lucky enough to go on the very first Gourmet Sussex Food Tour on a vintage Routemaster bus. I can now reveal that after the huge demand for tickets, it sold out in a matter of days, local food guru and organiser Hilary Knight is programming two tours this autumn. They will take in a variety of food and drink producers over the day with lunch along the way and lots to taste. Some of the stops will be at places that are not normally open to the public so this will be a unique opportunity to see behind the scenes.

The two tours will be available to book at the food festival website very soon.

I will as always be hosting the two day Live Food Show in the Royal Pavilion Gardens. This year we are not risking the weather and have instead booked a large marquee with seating for 200.

That means that no matter what the weather you can watch some of the town’s best chefs demonstrating their skills with plenty of competitions and tasters all day long.

Our new Live Food Show Pavilion will also be hosting top ticketed events, Bitter and Twisted, and Make My Case, on the Friday and Saturday evenings. Again the website will have more details of these two new events. I hope to see you there for what is certainly the biggest and best food festival in town. follow me on twitter

latestandrew

016_LS536_hotlist_Hotlist 20/07/2011 18:29 Page 2

16

HOTLIST

L7 Hotlist Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk British & modern European Bardsley’s

Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials.

Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue.

There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

The Dyke

Superb rustic Tuscan menu mingled with English classics. Locally sourced or organic ingredients and rapidly gaining a reputation as one of Brighton’s most stylish eateries.

One side is a proper pub with excellent real ales and log fire; the other a very grown-up stylish restaurant. It’s very child (and dog!) friendly too, and has a big garden for those late summer evenings. Lunch 12pm–3pm; dinner 6.30pm–9.45pm.

218 Dyke Road, Brighton, 01273 555672, www.dykepub.co.uk

The Foragers

Throughout July The Foragers is offering a two-course menu for £10 (excluding Friday and Saturday evenings, and Sunday Lunchtime). It’s a great opportunity to try their highly acclaimed, locally sourced, seasonal, organic food. Their secluded beer garden is a perfect sunny spot to catch up with friends and family for an alfresco lunch or dinner, and the friendly staff serve a specially selected range of premium spirits, wines, beers and ales.

3 Stirling Place, Hove, 01273 733134, www.theforagerspub.co.uk

The Gallery Restaurant – The Lanes

If you’re looking for an independent restaurant offering some of the very best steaks and British dishes then why not try The Gallery Restaurant? Located in an old fishing cottage in the very heart of Brighton’s Lanes The Gallery Restaurant prides itself in offering the very best dishes, service and

ambience – British style! In the summer they boast one one Brighton’s largest alfresco terraces with live jazz day and night, and in the winter the mood is relaxed and welcoming. Try their lunch set menu: one course for £7.95 or two courses for £10.95, and in the evenings two courses for £14.95 or three courses for £18.95.

28 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HL 01273 773327, www.thegallerybrighton.co.uk

The Loop Café-Bar & Coffee House Nestling on Kemp Town seafront is this contemporary Anglo-Brazilian café-bar with a menu that features traditional English fare as well as some tasty Brazilian dishes.

Whether you choose one of the stylish red sofas, or the sunny south-facing front terrace, you can enjoy free Wi-Fi while you savour the homemade food and great selection of coffees. Open daily, 9.30am–6pm.

16 Marine Parade, Brighton, 01273 677944, www.theloop-brighton.co.uk

Metrodeco

Start your day at Kemp Town’s sumptuous Art Deco tea rooms with a delicious breakfast of pancakes, smoked salmon bagels, fresh fruit or mackerel. Sample mouth-watering cakes and bespoke teas throughout the day and linger into the evening with a glass of wine. For music and quiz nights and special events/offers check out their Facebook page.

Open 9.30am–7pm Mon–Wed, 9.30am–9pm Thurs–Sun. 38 Upper St James’s Street, Brighton, East Sussex, BN2 1JN, 01273 677243, www.metro-deco.com, www.twitter.com/Metrodeco, www.facebook.com/metrodecostalkingshop

The Old Bank Steak & Ribs

Kemp Town’s friendly new steakhouse restaurant serves delicious food with great service in a warm and comfortable setting.

Locally-owned and aiming to be the ‘Cheers’ of the neighbourhood, The Old Bank is a rarity in the city, offering quality steak and ribs, local catch of the day, grilled chicken and vegetarian dishes at great value prices.

A fantastic wine list, selected mainly from local merchants by GQ wine columnist

Mediterraneo Deli

Jonathan Ray, complements their wholesome and satisfying food. Kids’ menu great value. Open Mon–Thurs, 5pm–9.30pm; Fri–Sun, 12pm–10pm; live background Sunday jazz 6–8pm, and open all day bank holidays. Plus the garden is now open for summer!

120 St George’s Road, Kemp Town Village, BN1 1EA, 01273 682200, www.oldbankkemptownbrighton.com

Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three, Sunday to Thursday; £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three on Friday and Saturday.

A la carte menu available. Open 6pm.

10/11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/restaurant.asp

Recipease

Chaula’s

Recipease is a unique high street food and kitchen emporium dedicated to serving the local community great food through a variety of easy and inspiring ways. Attend one of their ‘Easy to Learn’ cooking classes and learn to cook like Jamie Oliver, pick up freshly made meals ready to cook at home, or drop in for a delicious breakfast or lunch. Whatever your food needs are, whether you’re a beginner or seasoned cook, they’ve got the recipe for you.

72 Western Road, Brighton, BN1 2HA, 01273 311338, www.recipease.com

The Restaurant At Drakes

Awarded two AA Rosettes and having achieved the highest score in The Good Food Guide 2011 for the second consecutive year, The Restaurant At Drakes really has earned it’s reputation as Brighton’s finest restaurant. Using only premium quality seasonal produce, Head chef Andrew Mackenzie and his team create superb modern European cuisine. Regularly changing two or three course dinner and lunch menus available daily or for a true foodie experience, opt for the gourmet five course Chef’s Taster Menu. For an extra special touch, an elegant private dining room, with dedicated waiter is available for parties of up to 12 guests. The new summer terrace at Drakes now open for informal alfresco lunches – perfect for well deserved sundowners after work.

43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com

The Townhouse Restaurant Kemptown

The Townhouse is discovering itself as a home for all, with a dining area, lounge bar, private function suite and a piano room. The head chef brings all his prestige from The London Dorchester to create a menu specialising in locally sourced steaks, seafood and vegetarian dishes, that fits the Brighton way.

Whether you want a quick lunch or wish to stay the evening, they promise you a warm welcome that will make you not want to leave! Enjoy the live pianist Wednesday and Friday nights, 8pm–10pm, or the resident jazz band for Sunday roasts, 5pm–7.30pm. Don't forget their great value lunch set menu (two courses £11.95, three courses £15.95 ) and evening (two courses £15.95, three courses £18.95 ), which runs Monday toThursday. For promotions visit their website or call them.

81–82 St James’s Street, Kemp Town, Brighton BN2 1PA, 01273 693216, www.thetownhousekemptown.co.uk

Chinese Gars Restaurant

This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French Cocoa Patisserie

Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. A selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. Beautiful cakes made to order.

48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro

“With more than a soupçon of Gallic charm The New Steine Bistro are true bon viveurs.

No fancy pants fashion fads here, but some well executed classics. Most importantly though is their open attitude: everyone gets the same charming welcome – guests and diners, locals and visitors alike – and when you have been once, you will want to return again and again.” – Andrew Kay, L7 food writer.

Indian Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday.

Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

Indian Summer

Nationally acclaimed and a favourite with locals, Indian Summer is celebrating its 10th anniversary. Serving favourites like masala dosa and bhel puri, the menu is influenced from genuine recipes covering south, north, and central india. For lunch you can choose two courses for £10 or a new tapas street menu with four choices for 11.95. An elegant evening set menu starts at £21.95. Booking is strongly advised. For offers and events find them on Facebook.

69 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HQ, 01273 711001, www.indian-summer.org.uk

Italian Donatello

Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo

The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95.

16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk

Mediterraneo Deli

Mediterraneo Deli is indeed a family business, dedicated to serving you the best tasting, truly genuine and most authentic Sicilian food. The family-run deli offers mouthwatering daily specials, birthday cakes made to order and typical Sicilian products. They enjoy catering for all events from lunch meetings to dinner parties and weddings.

Every dish is prepared daily and served fresh to order with ingredients genuinely sourced from Sicily. Open 9am–3pm Mon-Fri, 10am–3pm Sat, 2a Clyde Road, Brighton, BN1 4NP, 01273 674350, www.mediterraneodeli.co.uk

Japanese Moshi Moshi

Is there a better and cooler place to eat Japanese in Brighton? We don’t think so, and neither do Moshi Moshi’s ever-growing fan base.

Their sushi is fantastic, the service great, and they’ve won a brace of awards for their work in fish conservation. If you’re not yet a Moshi member, you’re missing out: their 50% off on Moshi Mondays are a phenomenom.

Opticon, Bartholomew Square, Brighton, BN1 1JS, 01273 719195, www.moshibrighton.co.uk

Thai The Green Mango

The Green Mango has arrived to spice up Brighton and Hove! This modern Thai restaurant is committed to giving you the complete Thai experience, with the most authentic food possible. Lunch starts at £4.95, and we’re open every day, so come down and “gin yur yur” (eat a lot!)

8 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2FL, 01273 327226, www.thegreenmangohove.com

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150

017_LS536_comedineatbreeze__food 22/07/2011 09:04 Page 1

ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK

Andrew Kay’s

Come dine at...

Breeze Andrew Kay talks to Bruce Samandi of Breeze in the North Laine about his restaurant and his menu Tell me Bruce, when did Breeze open?

We opened Breeze in September 2010. The premises had been closed for about nine months and it was in a bad state so we had to completely refurbish.

Before opening Breeze I had run Piazza in Hove for 21 years.

What was your original plan?

I wanted to serve great quality food, as we did at Piazza, and offer great customer service. I have brought a lot of my staff with me, but I didn’t want to do Italian food again, I wanted to do something different.

Has your direction changed much since then?

Yes, we are now doing modern European cuisine and we are open for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You can come just for a drink or for a meal. We serve everything from beer to champagne, and the sun shines on us all day.

Are there still dishes available from the Piazza menu?

We have brought our spicy prawn dish, which was very popular, and also we have redesigned our pollo parmagiana, which we now call Chicken Breeze.

Tell us about your kitchen team...

Our chef is called Prakash and he has been with us now for seven months and has made lots of changes to the menu. A lot of the dishes are now his ideas and we are very pleased with what he is doing.

17

Who is in charge of things in the restaurant?

I am out front seven days and nights a week. I do it because I enjoy it and I like meeting people and seeing the smiles on their faces when they have enjoyed a meal. I have spent all my life in restaurants.

What are your favourite three courses from the menu?

I would start with the spicy prawns. For a main course my favourite is the confit duck, and to finish I cannot resist the chocolate fondue. All our desserts are homemade, nothing is brought in, including our duck confit.

What are the most popular dishes on the menu with your customers?

The duck parmentier is very popular followed by the lamb miele, made with honey and mint, or the slow cooked belly of pork. And, of course, the burger is always popular.

Tell us about your wine list and drinks menu. Do you have specialities?

We have a good cocktail list and six draught beers but we are about to relaunch a new wine list with an emphasis on European wines. I like the idea of sticking with a European wine list and not bring them from Australia. I prefer to buy locally when I can and I include Europe in that when it comes to wine.

Do you have regular special offers and menu deals?

Local offices get a 15 per cent discount on both food and drink Monday to Friday at lunchtimes if they bring a work ID. We also have a special lunch menu with dishes from £5.95 to £7.50 and this changes frequently.

What kind of people come to Breeze?

We get a very mixed crowd, all different ages and all with a different budget, from tea to champagne. It would be lovely to see some of our old friends from Hove and I am sure they will enjoy Breeze as much as they did Piazza.

How much might people expect to pay for a simple meal and for a slap-up feast too?

We have a set menu for £17.95 for two courses or £20.95 for three courses.

Breakfast starts at £1.50 to £6.95. If you choose our most expensive dish three courses would still only be around £30 a head, without drinks.

“We look smart, and perhaps expensive, but actually we are very affordable – quality does not have to cost a great deal” When are you busiest?

We are busiest on Saturdays at the moment and our Sunday roast, with three choices, is getting very popular at £9.50. Friday evenings can get very busy too.

Have you had many famous diners and can you tell us who they were?

Yes, lots over the years. Only today Alex Best was here, and there are lots of others but it would be indiscrete to name too many names!

What things mark you out as different from other restaurants?

Where we are located now we feel there are few choices. Our décor is new and stylish so I suppose we look smart and perhaps expensive but actually we are very affordable – quality does not have to cost a great deal.

Where do you dine when you are not at Breeze?

I am here seven days a week so I eat here all the time or at home. I do eat in my brother’s restaurants, Los Amigos and Havana. But really my heart is now in Breeze, and I am here all the time.

Can you sum up why people should ‘Come Dine at Breeze’?

Quality, value for money and service. People are surprised at the generosity of our portions and I am only satisfied when a customer leaves the table satisfied. No-one will leave the table hungry at Breeze.

>Breeze, 98 Trafalgar Street, Brighton BN1 4ER 01273 693377 www.breezebrighton.co.uk

018_LS532_W108_CNM_CNM 18/07/2011 15:56 Page 2

18 wave

Dear Jacquie Your queries about natural health answered by Jacquie Lane from the College of Naturopathic Medicine My dentist has told me that I will need treatment for periodontal disease and acid erosion. He also advised me to limit certain foods and drinks, and that the right nutrition could help. What should I do?

TL, Kemp Town Periodontal disease causes bleeding and receding of the gums, while acid erosion causes the teeth to soften and thins the enamel. Your dentist probably told you to stop drinking any type of sweetened fizzy drinks (or their diet equivalent) where the acid attacks your enamel causing not only acid erosion but poor gum health. Pure fruit juices can also be a problem here. Smoking can really aggravate gum health, as does alcohol.

Certain nutrients may be helpful for our gums and teeth in particular: For healthy gums: CoQ10, bioflavonoids, vitamin C and vitamin E. Eat vegetables, non acidic fruits, good quality proteins (fish, lean meat, beans and legumes) for tissue repair and omega 3 and 6

A varied and nutritious diet can help keep teeth and gums healthy

foods such as flax seeds, hemp seeds, oily fish, walnuts, for their anti inflammatory actions.

Vitamin E rich foods are wheatgerm oil, sunflower seeds, dried apricots, almonds.

Vitamin C foods suitable include peppers, broccoli, dark leafy greens, papaya.

Bioflavenoids can be found in brightly coloured fruits and vegetables. Be careful with biting

into fruits in case they are too acidic. Stick to red, green, yellow peppers, onions, buckwheat, apricots, prunes.

CoQ10 can be found in sardines, eggs, beef, spinach and broccoli but it’s hard to get a reasonable level of this very special nutrient so supplementing may be best.

Research suggests that liquid folic acid may also be a useful supplement at this time.

For healthy teeth, reduce sugar containing foods and eat lots of calcium rich foods, such as sesame seed paste, tahini, green leafy veg, natural yoghurt and cottage cheese, soft bones mashed into tinned fish such as sardines and salmon, which also contain the omega 3 oils you need, almonds and walnuts, which also contain vital omega 3 and 6 oils.

A nutritional therapist could put all these elements together in a detailed personal plan to address your needs, including a supplement plan, with appropriate directions and dosages.

See your health professional for advice If you have a general health query that you would like to raise here you can email Jacquie at healthqueriesforWave@naturopathy -uk.com. Please note that Jacquie cannot enter into individual correspondence unless your query is chosen for publication.

Jacquie Lane is a lecturer at the College of Naturopathic Medicine (CNM) and the Director of Studies at CNM in Brighton. Jacquie also runs her own nutrition clinic in Brighton and manages a biological testing lab specialising in digestive issues.

CNM open evening A talk on ‘Healthy Teeth and Gums Naturally’ by a holistic dentist and CNM graduate, will take place in London on 11 September. More info: 01342 410505 www.naturopathy-uk.com

019_LS536_bikram ww_editorial 22/07/2011 10:58 Page 1

COVER FEATURE

Yoga for health CJ of Bikram Yoga Brighton, on why yoga could change your life for the better

I

could tell you so many facts about Bikram Yoga.

Bikram’s 26 postures and two breathing exercises, 45 degrees, the sweat, detoxing through the largest organ of your body, your skin. I am going to recount to you a number of stories of clients.

People that have changed their lives, bodies, their whole way of thinking.

I had a call yesterday from a potential client who practises martial arts, specifically kick boxing. She was keen to improve her cardiovascular system. She had heard that Bikram Yoga can do this.

Psoriasis was also a major problem. Often the body cannot detox, subsequently we suffer.

Sweating has a major impact on the removal of poisonous toxins that build up in the body causing health issues, therefore Bikram Yoga can ease and improve all health issues.

Carl Cathern started Bikram Yoga on 16 July 2010. He weighed 20 stone, loved his beer and chips and was no way giving them up. During the last year he practised an amazing 224 times in 336 hours. Carl has run out of class to be sick,

WAVE WORLD Health & beauty news & giveaways

WIN A MEAL AT MANNA VEGETARIAN AND VEGAN RESTAURANT

If you’re planning a trip to the capital this summer, then be sure to check out vegetarian restaurant Manna in Primrose Hill.

Always vegetarian, the restaurant has now been fully vegan for over two years. Manna’s owner, Roger Swallow, and his wife Robin’s vegan philosophy stems from California, their primary home. Manna’s menu consists of a broad international fusion of traditional recipes using the freshest, most nutritious, organic and locally sourced products available, including some quirky ones.

moaned and groaned... He has dropped three trouser sizes and now weighs 16 stone and can grab his leg from behind, both on the floor and in the air. He walks tall, looks great, and feels so much better. Literally blood, sweat and a lot of tears have brought him to this place.

After only 18 months of Bikram Yoga Ricardo Wehr (pictured above) came eleventh in the International Yoga Asana Championships in Los Angeles in June this year.

He was sponsored for the trip by NetDev. John Logsdon, CEO of NetDev, has benefited so much from the yoga he wanted to give something back to the Bikram Yoga community.

19

Sometimes I’m pain free for long periods, walking and just getting about is much easier.

Flexibility, particularly in my hips, is a real issue. I can see little improvements, and I’m making progress in small steps with some of the postures.

Generally I just feel better. I do concentrate on breathing, and it’s a practice, it’s your time, and it’s about you.

I am way behind everyone else but I’m just concentrating on me, and the mirror! As time out in the week I find it really good at settling my mind and concentration, and getting refocused.

I’ve lost about 20 pounds since the start of the year, through being a little more careful but not going overboard, and I think Bikram Yoga has been a big factor in achieving this.

I’m trying to deal with a lifetime of abuse of my body, but I think this time, I am actually going to turn it round!”

So what is your story? Or should I say, what could your story be after 26 postures and two breathing exercises and a lot of determination?

Come on and give it a try. £30 for 30 days of unlimited yoga. Come change you body, your mind and your whole way on thinking.

Bikram Yoga Brighton, 26–28 Franklin Road, Portslade, 01273 420279, www.bikramyogabrighton.com

John Eynon in his own words says: “This is at least the third time in my life I’ve had real lower back problems. This year it was getting to the point where some days I could hardly walk, I was in agony. However, with the yoga and some osteopathy, it’s getting much better.

“We’ve been serving gourmet vegetarian food for the past 44 years at Manna,” says Roger. “We’ve strived to show that plant-based cuisine, and healthy eating, can mean connoisseur taste and gourmet presentation.”

Most importantly, Manna has delicious food. Typical dishes found on the menu include a crisp ravioli filled with wild mushroom and walnut pate with fennel cream sauce, sundried tomato pesto and balsamic reduction, organic pumpkin and fennel seed sausages on a bed of parsnip and carrot mash, or marinated tempeh and oyster mushroom tempura served on a bed of pickled Japanese coleslaw with tamari and hoisin.

Then there are the desserts: pistachio and vanilla crème brûlée or baked apple stuffed with caramelised walnuts and cranberries in a puff pastry wrap and served with a calvados caramel sauce and vanilla vegan ice cream.

Is your mouth watering yet?

Win a £50 voucher towards your meal at London’s Manna restaurant.

Q. How long has Manna been serving gourmet vegetarian food?

Email your answer to competition@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Manna’ in the subject box and your answer in the body of the email.

Don’t forget to leave your contact details. Entrants must be aged 16 or over. Closing date: 8 August 2011. www.mannav.com

WIN GREENMAN SHAVE OIL

The smoothest of shaves can also be luxurious, good for your skin and eco-friendly.

Hove-based Greenman Shave Oil is made in small batches with raw and organic plant oils.

“Natural oils are great for shaving and skin care,” says maker Russell Honeyman. “My formula was worked out over a couple of decades, after I realised modern lotions irritated my skin. A friend recommended olive oil and tea tree, and I made a mix that doubled as a shave oil and moisturiser with mild antiseptic properties. Over the years, I refined the formula.

Natural oils and hot water are all the ingredients you need for a good shave.” We have ten bottles of Greenman Shave Oil to give away.

Q. What oil did Russell’s friend recommend along with tea tree oil?

Email your answer to competition@thelatest.co.uk with ‘Greenman’ in the subject box and your answer in the body of the email. Don’t forget your contact details. Closing date: 8 August 2011. www.greenman.bz

GREEN PEOPLE SUN PROTECTION Keep an eye out for products from Sussex-based brand Green People.

Their sun care products are a musthave for your holidays. The sun lotion is available in SPF 15 and 25,

with a special ‘Organic Children SPF25 lotion also available. The sun tan lotion goes on quite dry, making it easy to apply without it ending in a mass of excessive gloop and avoiding greasiness.The aftersun is wonderfully cool on the skin, and has a refreshing, minty aroma. www.greenpeople.co.uk

NEW PRODUCTS FROM SK:N

Sk:n’s new expert skincare range is a must have for your summer beauty wish list. Their anti-aging range is ideal to counter the effects of environmental stresses and sun damage. Vitamins C & E fight free radicals, Vitamin A regulates cell turnover, and alpine rose is a clinically proven anti oxidant.

Moisturising jojoba oil and shea butter make this a must have for thirsty skin.

Sk:n Anti-Ageing Moisturising Cream with SPF30, £18, www.skinclinics.co.uk follow me on twitter

latestzara

020_LS536_W109_revitalise_Revitalise 22/07/2011 10:42 Page 2

20 wave

Class act 6 week course for the price of 5 weeks, just quote ref: wave

New courses start week commencing 1st August

Find a class that caters for your specific health and wellbeing needs at Revitalise

P

Small group, progressive courses and one on one tuition

SPECIAL OFFER 10 classes 1/2 price [£75 instead of £150] if you sign up before 10th August.

All new clients also get their first class free!

ilates is gentle yet effective and is highly recommended as a form of exercise post injury or if you suffer with ongoing problems such as back pain. Revitalise in Hove caters for all abilities with a timetable of classes including Pregnancy, PostClient testimonials Natal Pilates and Back Care Pilates.

“Our extremely popular Pregnancy “I had a natural birth and only Pilates classes are a great way for you used the tens machine during to enjoy hugely beneficial and safe labour and at the end part did not exercises during your pregnancy in a have any pain relief at all. I small group environment,” says Clare wanted to thank you so much as I Brown, studio director at Revitalise and used the breathing you taught me mother of three. throughout the labour as my best Class sizes are limited to just eight form of pain relief. Also Isabella clients, with specialised teachers who was in the best position for birth, will adapt the class to meet your which I am certain was from the individual needs depending on your pilates exercises.” stage of pregnancy. “Attention will be – Juliet Price, Pregnancy Pilates, paid to maintaining muscle tone, especially around the core muscles “With 2 young children it is my and the pelvic floor in addition to time to focus on something breathing to aid relaxation,” explains completely different. It's brilliant Clare. “Many of our clients have to find an exercise that has helped reported Pregnancy Pilates to have me shed baby weight, makes me reduced back pain and neck and stronger, gives me a better shoulder tension, improve circulation, posture and is also relaxing. I improve posture and help them to relax wouldn't do it anywhere else.” and sleep at night. Many have also put – Hannah Barratt, Post-Natal Pilates down to a quicker return to their Pilates pre-natal shape.”

Post-Natal Pilates is a perfect re“I started pilates at Revitalise 14 introduction to exercise after having a months ago to help a recurrent baby and will focus on the most back problem I have suffered with important muscles: your pelvic floor for 16 years. The last year has and deep abdominal muscles, as well been the best my back has been as helping you to maintain and for 16 years. I wish I had started enhance good posture and pelvic years ago.” stability. “It can take up to six months – Stuart Morgan, Backcare Pilates for your body to return as it was pre pregnancy and a specific post natal class means the exercises can be tailored to meet your individual needs,” says Clare.

“You can join this class from six weeks after giving birth subject to clearance at your post partum check.”

For clients with very specific back care problems, or for those with any other movement limitation, a Back Care Pilates class is ideal. “This class is at a slower pace to ensure each exercise can be modified and adapted to ensure safe and effective movements,” explains Clare. “Alternative exercises can be given if a movement is not suitable for you and the focus will be on enhancing mobility, flexibility and deep core strength to increase functional movement.”

A one-to-one class is recommended for those who have been referred by a health practitioner. These are suitable for those with injuries, specific needs, or for those who may simply prefer a one-to-one private session. Sessions last for one hour and cost £40.

New Pilates courses start week commencing 1 August. If you are away on holiday, missed classes can be made up by dropping in to other classes on a different day/night. Beginner, improver, intermediate and advanced classes are all available and to make it even easier, Revitalise offers a free class for all new clients (six weeks for the price of five, saving £8).

New courses start w/c 1 August: Pregnancy classes, Thursdays 6–7pm, Saturdays 9.30–10.30am; Post natal classes, Thursdays 7pm–8pm and back care classes, Tuesdays 10–11am (if these times do not suit, clients without very specific needs could book into a beginner post natal or back care class).

Revitalise, 86 Church Road, Hove, 01273 738389, health@revitalise-u.com, www.revitalise-u.com

021_LS536_W109_It's not you_CNM 21/07/2011 15:29 Page 3

wave 21

It’s not you...

Each month, dating coach Tammy James answers your relationship questions My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and have a house together. I’m keen to start a family but he says he’s not ready.

What should I do?

Sadly, us women have to make our minds up about having children before nature decides we can’t. For men, they can take their time. Think back to when you got together and what your boyfriend’s view on children was then. If he was clear he wanted children then he could genuinely need more time. Lots of men don’t like to think of having kids until they feel they are in a stable relationship and can financially support their child. If your boyfriend has been pretty evasive about the subject of children from the start it’s unlikely you'll be able to change him and giving him more time will make no difference. It’s time for a frank discussion with him: what does he want and when? If he can’t say,

then you need to think about how important this is to you.

I enjoy my job but I’ve recently got a new boss who I can’t stand.

They pick at everything I do and won’t let me make decisions anymore. I hate conflict, but I’m not sure how much longer I can put up with this. What do I do?

The golden rule here is that you can’t change their behaviour but you can change your approach to it so you don’t feel as bad.

This isn’t likely to get resolved without you talking to your boss.

It doesn’t have to be confrontational, particularly if you prepare yourself beforehand. Firstly, ask yourself how justified the new manager is in their approach – have you taken your foot off the gas without realising it? Secondly, write a list of everything that is upsetting you and the impact it

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has. Finally, think about how you’d like each of your points to be resolved. Make sure you’re constructive and remain professional at this point! You are now armed for a discussion.

Longer term, you need to work out how you can improve your approach to conflict and identify some techniques to help. Contact me about one-to-one coaching.

I’m trying a bit of internet dating. Is it acceptable to lie in your profile?

There is a fine line between presenting yourself in a positive light and telling a load of big fat whoppers! Shaving a little off your weight and adding a little on your height is acceptable, but lying about whether you have kids, taking huge chunks off your age, or telling people you want a serious relationship when you want a fling, isn’t. You’ll end up hurting someone or yourself.

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If you have a relationship problem you’d like answering please email it to info@itsnotyouitsme.co.uk Please note Tammy cannot enter into personal correspondence with you unless your problem is chosen for publication. Please indicate your email is from Wave.

Tammy James Msc, is director of Itsnotyouitsme.co.uk, a coaching practice specialising in dating and relationships. Using a combination of coaching techniques and good old fashioned advice, itsnotyouitsme.co.uk provides one-to-ones and group workshops.

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022_023_LS536_reviewsbookings _Reviews 22/07/2011 12:50 Page 2

22

REVIEWS

L7 Under review Read more reviews of local shows online at www.thelatest.co.uk

The number one party venue in Europe’s sexiest city – BRIGHTON! You make the booking, we make it happen.

Tell us what you want, we’ll provide it all.

A fabulous party and you have to do nothing!

NEW!! We can now film your party in high definition and give you a DVD to take away with you at amazing introductory prices. We are the first venue in the UK to offer this.

WORD PERFECT T THE SCRIPT, Brighton Centre, 17 July JJJJJ

he roof was raised and the downstairs seating thrown out for this gig. OK, the raising of the roof wasn’t literal, but the cleared floor turned this into one hell of a party. When I think ‘Irish boy band’ the usual suspects come to mind: the pop songs of Boyzone, the souring ballads of Westlife... The Script, meanwhile, are in a league of their own: they aren’t a ‘boy band’, but a band who just happen to all be boys (although men is more accurate). They write their own music, sing, and play their own instruments – which isn’t clear when you hear the tracks on the radio (the same two tracks at that). Live, these guys were amazing; ‘raised the roof’ puts it mildly.

Irish rapper Maverick Sabre warmed up the crowd with Oasis’s ‘Wonderwall’. The Script then whipped the crowd into a frenzy; the energy of lead singer/keyboardist Danny was infectious (I haven’t seen such talent or energy on stage since Gerard of US alternative rock group My Chemical Romance circa 2007).

This was the last night of their current tour, and they showed no signs of stopping. Taking us through from their debut ‘We Cry’ to ‘Breakeven’ and ‘The Man Who Can’t Be Moved’, there was excitement and emotion in every track. A long, standing ovation (balconies included) rounded off a night that saw this talented group finish their tour in style.

Zara Baker

SOUNDWAVES FESTIVAL – DAVID THOMAS

Birthdays Weddings Civil Partnerships Office Parties Hen and Stag Nights

The town hall had already witnessed radical chamber music (CHROMA/Sound Intermedia), distorted fencing-mask vocals (Gazelle Twin), helium-suspended Moon drama (Mikhail Karikis) and an unexpected fire evacuation before David Thomas appeared in the atrium. Founder of Ohio’s phenomenal, pre-punk Pere Ubu, and a long-term resident of this city, Thomas’s courageous performance fulfilled the promise of Soundwaves’ ‘Sing!’ strand.

Accompanied by trusty hip flask, minimal accordion and disobedient electronics the self-described ‘Les Dawson of the avant-garde’ mixed his own songs with surprise

standards, beat poetry and acres of dry humour, all in his unique voice.

A raw, intimate, unrepeatable show.

Brighton Town Hall, 16 July JJJJJ Stuart Huggett

022_023_LS536_reviewsbookings _Reviews 22/07/2011 12:53 Page 3

BOOKINGS | MUSIC CHART 23

L7 Bookings

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

On sale this week…

8

THE WANTED

Brighton Centre, 20 February 2012, £tbc, 0844 847 1515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk Number one boyband, The Wanted have announced their first ever UK Arena Tour for spring 2012. The Wanted boys burst into our lives and the charts last summer, with their incredible 2011 BRIT-nominated debut single, ’All Time Low’, storming straight into the number one spot.

Followed by number two hit ‘Heart Vacancy’, they have quickly built up a huge fanbase.

BRUISE

Thoroughly independent and forever traversing the byways and highways of this land, London's Bruise are nominally a two-piece with the occasional addition of bassist and ’70s moustachioed Bob, who was here tonight, adding some extra bottom to their deliciously fluid and mainly easygoing alt-indie rock, although they are perfectly capable of rocking out when appropriate. Guitarist and lead singer Isobel has a guitar style all her own, crafting songs of subtle beauty, that are carried along by her slightly warbling voice.

Drummer Jim also has his own, highly watchable and fluid style, aided and abetted by his box of fired electronic samples that provided colour to the music. Mixing in a few acoustic numbers which particularly showcased their excellent harmonies, Bruise slowly but surely entranced the audience.

Latest Musicbar, 22 July JJJJJ Julie Andrews Did you disagree with our verdict on any of these shows?

comment@thelatest.co.uk

Concorde 2, 4 November, £12.50, 01273 673311, www.concorde2.co.uk Remember a Britpop summer with Dodgy. Revisiting a string of hits, including ‘Staying Out For The Summer’, ‘Good Enough’ and ‘Melodies Haunt You’ this reformed sound of an era offers up an intimate gig on the seafront.

ADAM ANT HEADLINING WEST DEAN FESTIVAL

MARTIN ROSSITER

The former Gene front man, and long-time local, continued his tentative return to performing with a spellbinding set in Kemp Town.

From opener ‘The Only Thing I Got From You Was My Name’, he proved himself to be a passionate performer, working both stage and audience, delivering new songs that sounded like standards with subtly dramatic inflections. Using his mic like a jazz singer, he laid bare his soul lyrically, à la Aznavour, with ‘Darling Sorrow’, a wistfully autumnal song, expertly accompanied by pianist Robin Coward. The stripped-down Gene songs sounded like modern classics, which pretty much sums up the man.

Brighton Ballroom, 21 July JJJJJ Steve Clements

DODGY

THE BIG CHEER 2012

Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 28 January 2012, £36.50/24.50, 0844 477 2000, www.brightondome.org Here’s a date to put in your diary.

After the phenomenal success of this year’s Big Cheer raising over £20,000 for local charity Amaze, a date has been set for the next mega comedy event. With names like Steve Coogan, Noel Fielding, Andi Osho, Simon Evans and Seann Walsh setting the bar high in 2011’s Big Cheer, the as-yet unconfirmed lineup for 2012 hints at great things.

West Dean College and Gardens, Near Chichester, 26–29 August, £110 (weekend adult camping) – £20 (child, day only), 01243 811 301, www.westdeanfestival.org.uk The dandy highwayman is headlining at West Dean Festival, with his band The Good The Bad and The Lovely Posse on the Saturday night. Other acts confirmed to play over the weekend include Robin Jones & King Salsa, The Third Degree, The Polecats, Cellophany, and The Top Cats.

GLEN CAMPBELL: GOOD TIMES – THE FINAL FAREWELL

ED SHEERAN

Concorde 2, 6 October, £10, 01273 673311, www.concorde2.co.uk Already sold out, you might want to start looking around to beg, borrow or steal tickets to this highly desirable gig from the man who brought us the sensational ‘The A Team’.

TERRORVISION

Concorde 2, 8 October, £15, 01273 673311, www.concorde2.co.uk The ’90s rockers are back, having reformed in 2005 and released a new album earlier this year. Time to start demanding ‘Tequila’ and seriously asking ‘Alice, What’s The Matter?’

Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 3 November, £37.50/35.50/29.50, 0844 477 2000, www.brightondome.org Glen Campbell: The Goodbye Tour will see Glen supported by his two daughters and his son’s band, performing many of his greatest hits, that include ‘Gentle On My Mind’, ‘By The Time I Get To Phoenix’, ‘Wichita Lineman’, ‘Galveston’, ‘Rhinestone Cowboy’, ‘Southern Nights’ and songs from his new album. Lush.

Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP 10

1 The Fooley Mantras Find The Key 2 Slipp Electro ft Osaro It’s Lifting Me (Remix) 3 Panos Christofi Satin Doll 4 Champion Fever Dragons 5 Chaos Borne Watching 6 Stephen Holden Dark Times 7 Panos Christofi Sunshine 8 Surfhunter Bessie 9 lolatwist Pretty 10 The Wolfgirl Liberation Darkstar Well, it was a brief stint at the top of the charts for the dark d’n’b and electro soundscaping of The Wolfgirl Liberation, as the mod-influenced indie rockers The Fooley Mantras take this week’s top spot with their yo-yoing ‘Find The Key’. Meanwhile, it’s been a while since Slipp Electro and Osaro were in the top five, so their euphoric house remix, ‘It’s Lifting Me’ is a summery blast at two for this rainy day. Former number one, ‘Satin Doll’, by the versatile electro and pop singersongwriter Panos Christofi, climbs to this week’s number three as the heavy electro-rock sounds of oneman-band Champion Fever takes four with ‘Dragons’. Completing the rundown, gothy EBM purveyor Chaos Borne is at five with ‘Watching’.

11 Maria Mcateer – Her Night At Noon Drink The Pain Away 12 TheWolfgirlLiberation First Flight (In Metal Mix) 13 Moonlighter Every Time I Fall 14 Chaos BorneThe Moment 15 Left Hand Red Rope Burn 16 Fresh Like Dexie Step In The Sun (Slip Into Night) 17 The Last Cry Rebekka 18 Chaos Borne I Will 19 The Bardo To Be Free 20 Jaybee Cowboy’s Blues SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos

SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC AND VIDEOS

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

A

024_027_LS536_previews_editorial 22/07/2011 11:56 Page 2 Lilies On the Land

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LATEST PREVIEWS STAGE

L7 Previews STAGE: A ROYAL SEASON Theatre Royal Brighton announce a stunning programme packed with West End hits

T

heatre Royal Brighton reaffirms the city’s reputation as “London by the sea” with the an autumn season that includes award winning drama, political thrillers, smash hit West End musicals, classic British comedy and internationally acclaimed opera. All of which have until recently only been staged in the capital.

Olivier-award winning Tracie Bennett, who took the West End by storm and is Tartuffe set to do the same on Broadway, is first coming to Brighton with her breathtaking portrayal of Judy Garland in Peter Quilter’s play End Of The Rainbow. Set in London in Dr Marigold And Mr Chops 1968, Garland is about to make her comeback... again. Determined to reclaim her crown as the greatest talent of her generation, she battles with drugs and alcohol and a gruelling concert schedule.

With a series of failed marriages behind her, Judy’s young husband is determined Smalalot that, at any cost, these concerts will revive her battered career. Bennett’s remarkable portrayal has quite rightly earned her nightly standing ovations during its London run.

Headlong, creators of ENRON, and the National Theatre present Earthquakes In London, a fascinating new play by Mike Bartlett, directed by Rupert Goold. TracyAnn Oberman and Sean Gleeson star in an epic play which looks at climate change, airport expansion and the coalition government. Fast and furious, a metropolitan crash of people, scenes and decades as three sisters attempt to steer their dislocated lives and loves while their brilliant scientist father predicts global catastrophe.

Simon Callow, honorary patron of Theatre Royal Brighton and one of our most celebrated actors, presents Dr Marigold And Mr Chops, two one-man plays by Charles Dickens. Callow has previously held audiences spellbound with his evenings of Charles Dickens and no doubt this fascinating performer will bring the same powers to the stage as he tells the stories of Dr Marigold, a travelling salesman who adopts a deaf and dumb child, and Mr Chops, a freak show turn who wins the lottery and with it a place in society.

The National Theatre return with their chilling and evocative production of JB Priestley’s classic thriller An Inspector Calls. Winner of 19 major awards, it

Earthquakes In London

comes direct from its fourth West End season.

Triple-Oscar nominated Stephen Daldry directs this landmark piece of theatre.

Other season highlights include English Touring Theatre’s production of Molière’s sublime comedy Tartuffe, adapted by Roger McGough. Orgon becomes enraptured with the seemingly pious Tartuffe – but is Tartuffe really a friend, fraud, miracle or hypocrite?

Orgon’s family hatch a cunning plan to outwit the wily deceiver in this scathingly funny portrait of 17th century society.

Warren Clarke makes his return to the stage for the first time in over a decade when he takes the role of Winston Churchill in the thrilling political drama, Three Days In May. It’s May 1940 and the new British Prime Minister is confronted by an agonising dilemma which will shape the future of the free world – does he negotiate with Hitler through Mussolini or escalate the battle against fascism alone?

Paul Nicholas returns to Brighton in Keeler, a drama based on Christine Keeler’s 2001 biography The Truth At Last, which tells the sensational inside story of the infamous Profumo affair.

Led by the internationally acclaimed director Edward Hall, the all-male company Propeller present a modern take on Shakespeare’s Henry V, the greatest warrior in English folklore. Thrilling and deeply moving, Henry V marks the beginning of a journey that takes us from the corridors of Westminster to the fields of France in an evening of unforgettable theatre.

As Christmas approaches, an all-star cast including Christopher Timothy, loved for his role in All Creatures Great And Small, present Alan Ayckbourn’s classic comedy Season’s Greetings. And for our younger audiences, a children’s TV favourite comes to the stage for the first time. The Numberjacks won the Royal Television Society award for best Pre-School Educational programme for two years in a row, helping children learn about numbers, shapes and sizes. A perfect Christmas treat!

And for Christmas, Theatre Royal Brighton will be presenting another quality musical. This year’s show will be the West End smash hit Monty Python’s Spamalot, winner of a Tony Award for Best Musical 2005. They are offering a range of generous discounts, including a saving of £3 per ticket if you book and pay before 31 August. There are family tickets available, starting from as little as £59 for four tickets (minimum 2 children). Or take advantage of the new Teen Ticket, which offers a reduction of £10 per seat at all performances. This special price is valid for anyone 12 – 19 years of age.

Hot News

Booking is also now open for The West End and Broadway sensation Legally Blonde: The Musical, which visits Brighton in March 2012. Based on the hit movie starring Reese Witherspoon, this critically acclaimed new musical won three Olivier Awards, including Best New Musical. Advance sales are already showing that Legally Blonde will be incredibly popular with Brighton audiences, so early booking is highly recommended.

Box Office 0844 871 7650 (bkg fee) Groups Hotline 0844 871 7617 Access Bookings 0844 871 7677 (bkg fee) www.ambassadortickets.com/brighton follow me on twitter

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024_027_LS536_previews_editorial 22/07/2011 11:57 Page 3 Munich

he Land

LATEST PREVIEWS MUSIC&CLUBS 25 CLUBS: DAS CLUB ROBOTIQUE Every Thursday at Riki Tik sees a free night of electro boogie woogie, to get you shakin’ your thang on the dancefloor, and a healthy serving of synth funk and post disco. Get on your dancing shoes and pull on your dancing dress. Basically, just get ready to dance.

Riki Tik, 28 July, 10pm–3am, free CLUBS: POUNDANCE Poundance is one of those very ‘classic’ nights. You can, pretty much, always guarantee a rather good clubnight, with a mash up of your favourite indie, R’n’B, house, classics and dubstep. And this is all for a single pound. Bargain!

Digital, 27 July, 11pm–3am, £1 b4 12, £4/3 after MUSIC: REDLANDS PALAMINO COMPANY Highly rated six-piece alt-country rock band drunk on the spirit of Gram Parsons, Emmylou Harris, Steve Earle, Gillian Welch and even Bruce Springsteen. Support form Danni Nicholls.

Hydrant, 29 July, 8pm, £8

MUSIC: CAPDOWN Popular contemporary UK punk outfit whose 2000 album Civil Disobedients is a pivotal album in the skapunk genre and which acted as a springboard for their relentless touring schedule, albeit broken up by a temporary split between ’07’10. Their dynamite blend of breakneck hardcore punk, dance and ska is as good now as it was back then...

Concorde 2, 31 July, 7pm, £12.50 MUSIC: PRESTON REED Guitarist extraordinaire Preston Reed plays the acoustic like no other. While never letting his extraordinary technique overshadow the beauty of his music, he attacks the entire instrument in a never-ending search for the orchestra he knows is lurking inside. Drawing on blues, rock, funk and jazz influences, if your jaw doesn’t hit the floor then you are not paying attention!

Latest Musicbar, 28 July, 7.30pm, £8

Preston Reed

Redlands Palamino Company

MUSIC: PLAYGROUP Get ready for the first augmented reality festival

“T

here’s a Bestivally type vibe to what we do,” says Declan Cassidy, who along with Philip Lakka are the organisers of the festival, as well as the Playgroup club nights around town and more recently, the Playgroup pub (formerly Hectors).

“We left it very late last year, about a month before the actual event! It was a stupid decision, although we ran something that was brilliant, music and people-wise. The people from Brighton put up with all the little niggles, but it was magical...

“Phil and I were shattered.

This year, touch wood, has been a whole different experience – so much more time to get it organised.”

The dream is to turn it into something they have envisaged from the beginning. There are over 100 acts playing across five stages, plus there’s a 24 hour cinema and a kids area.

“We’ve got a brand new cabaret and talks tent called Forest of Thoughts, featuring a collection of amazing scientists, great thinkers and not-sogreat thinkers, workshops, cabaret and comedy but done in an interactive style”.

Local bands figure heavily with acts such as Grasscut, King Porter Stomp, Sweet Sweet Lies, Los Albertos, Nordic Giants, Boycom and AK/DK performing alongside acts from around the country including The Correspondents, Smerins Anti-Social Club, The Apples and main headliner Quantic su Combo Barbaro, headed by former Brighton resident Will Holland.

“We’re getting a Playgroup app,” says Declan excitedly, “the world’s first augmented reality festival. We’re working with a Brighton based company who have developed this way of scanning real life objects and then digitising them into 3D. This is cutting-edge technology. These guys are essentially a bunch of ex-punks, with some crazy ideas”.

Set In Eridge Park, near Tunbridge Wells, and home to England’s oldest deer park, Playgroup are actively encouraging people to come to the festival via bus. “We want 80 per cent to come by bus, with our pub being the departure lounge, free cocktails and entertainment for the journey. If we get 80 per cent it will instantly be the greenest festival in the UK!” Playgroup, 5-7 August, www.playgroupfestival.com follow me on twitter

latestjeff

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE! Brighton’s listings in one click: thelatest.co.uk On your mobile: m.thelatest.co.uk

024_027_LS536_previews_editorial 22/07/2011 11:57 Page 4

Nik Coppin

LATEST PREVIEWS COMEDY&EVENTS

26

COMEDY: PAUL MCCAFFREY – SAY SOMETHING STUPID & PHIL NICHOL – THE SIMPLE HOUR The cracking line-up of Edinburgh preview shows at the Caroline Of Brunswick are coming to a close, but some of the best have been saved for last. Paul McCaffrey is debuting his first solo show, and Phil Nichol is putting his experimental period to one side to return to deliver some unadulterated high energy stand-up. Both very good, and at a remarkable price.

Caroline Of Brunswick, 27 July, 8pm (Paul McCaffrey) & 9.30pm (Phil Nichol), £5 for each show or £8 for both.

COMEDY: HEY JOE Saturday night variety, stalwart of the comedy circuit and he of the distinct voice – Joe Pasquale is in Worthing

S

ay ‘Joe Pasquale’ and the first thing many people think of is his distinctive voice. But a distinctive voice does not a repeat Variety Performance player make. Nor over half a dozen one-man shows (which the talented comic has done to great success). Mr Pasquale has been a West End star in The Producers, a quiz show host on The Price Is Right and an author with his autobiography Does He Really Talk Like That? released in September 2006, as well as King Of The Jungle in I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here, reminding everyone in 2004 what good fun he can be.

Really though, his true love is what first brought him to our attention winning second place on New Faces in 1987: stand-up. Which is why it’s great to see him touring his new stand-up show Pull My Finger. Promising plenty of fast-paced routines, throwing props into the mix and his hapless sidekick Raynard (who often appears in various forms of ‘discreet undress’) this promises to be an entertaining and fun-filled night out for all the family.

While the new guard of comedy have hot footed it up to the Edinburgh Festival, now is the time to check out how a comic can really be good enough to keep going for over 20 years. Worth a ponder.

Joe Pasquale: Pull My Finger, Pavilion Theatre, Worthing, 7 August, £17/15.50, www.worthingtheatres.co.uk follow me on twitter

COMEDY: JAMES ACASTER James Acaster’s likeable and boisterous comedy has won him many fans in the few years he’s been going. So popular has he been and so fast has his star been rising he has spent a great deal of the last 12 months opening for first Josie Long and then Milton Jones on their tours.

Fun, silly, easily spotted from his appearances on Dave’s One Night Stand and BBC3’s Russell Howard’s Good News, Mr Acaster is a gent and a lovely funny man.

Caroline Of Brunswick, 28 July, 9.30pm, £4.

COMEDY: AMATEUR TRANSPLANTS: ADAM KAY’S SMUTTY SONGS Amateur Transplants frontman Adam Kay is going to sing you some smutty songs. With 20 million

YouTube hits (‘London Underground Song’) and six sell-out years at the Edinburgh Fringe, these dark reimaginings of pop classics are not to be missed. Edinburgh Fringe 2011 preview performance.

Upstairs At The Three And Ten, 27 July, 8pm, £7.

EVENTS: PLAY AT THE MANOR Learn games played in days gone by, from Victorian to modern times.

To be held outdoors, or in the manor kitchens if raining. Ages from five years onwards.

Preston Manor, 26 July, 10.30am– 11.30am, 1.30pm–2.30pm, £2 per child plus entrance fee.

EVENTS: CAMP BESTIVAL 2011 Woohoo! Yes, we all know it’s festival time. Camp Bestival 2011 blurs the lines between a typical British summer holiday and a good old fashioned festival. Situated at Lulworth Castle in Dorset, with 100s Of Free Things For Kids To Do, yummy food and a whole whack of entertainment, this is a festival for those of you who want to have a good time; with your kids or without them! Headliners include Blondie on Friday night, Mark Ronson and the Business INTL on Saturday, plus performances from Laura Marling, Ed Sheeran, Ms Dynamite, DJ Yoda, Katy B and Beardyman. Sounds like fun yes? Because it will be!

Lulworth Castle, Dorset, Thursday 28 July–Sunday 31 July, various ticket prices, for more info and last minute tickets see www.campbestival.net

Camp Bestival

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024_027_LS536_previews_editorial 22/07/2011 14:21 Page 5

Brighton Belles

Supported by

LATEST PREVIEWS ART&FILM

FILM: HORRID HENRY 3D (U) Director: Nick Moore

ART: RICHARD HEARN Latest Homes’ Distracted Dad columnist Richard Hearn is also an artist, having studied at Leicester and London. Up until the end of the month his work can be found at Lulu & Hitch (44 Church Road, Hove), Lily & Harold (4-6 East Street, Shoreham-By-Sea) and Pizza Express (107 Church Road, Hove). His recent subject matter concentrates on trees, which allows him to focus on their more abstract elements: composition and the shapes between lines. The images on display are limited edition giclee prints, produced by scanning and manipulating drawings and paintings. www.richardhearn.co.uk ART: SURFACE A group of young, Brighton painters, formed at university, have got together for the first time to showcase their work, with the exhibition title of Surface.

Surface, Brighton Media Centre Gallery, 15-17 Middle Street, 01273 201100. Until 31 July

For full details of film times: www.odeon.co.uk www.picturehouses.co.uk www.cineworld.co.uk www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

H

orrid Henry 3D takes the much loved stories of Francesca Simon’s books and turns them into live-action mischief-filled fun, as Henry wrestles with his swotty brother Perfect Peter, arch class nemesis Moody Margaret, form teacher Miss Battleaxe (played beautifully by Anjelica Huston) and tries to save the school from a pair of villainous school inspectors. The star of the show is of course Horrid Henry, played brilliantly by 12-year-old Theo Stevenson. Did he enjoy himself?

“Yes! I enjoyed making the film. It was lots of fun. With, I would say, maybe nearly three months of filming, I was away from home. And yes it was very fun.

It got a bit tiring at the end, you know, but it was good, really good fun.”

Fantastic. But is Theo anything like Horrid Henry? Time to get to the bottom of such searching questions. Subtly. Does he want to be a rock star?

“A rock star? Well I can be an actor and pretend to be a rock star, like I did in Horrid Henry.” Not quite the same thing. How about being a bit nifty with a yo-yo like the character. Is Theo a whizz with the string?

“Yes!” Great!

“Well you see, I had never even touched a yo-yo before. And in the auditions they brought in a yo-yo master. And then once I got the role, I had another yo-yo master session and I got pretty good. I’m actually really good now. I’ve still got one and I still do it all the time.” Brilliant. How about the stunts? Was it really Theo? There were some hairy moments for Horrid Henry.

“Right, yeah. No I did do it all myself. I did the zip wire myself, I did everything myself. I was trying not to get nervous but I’m kind of an extreme guy. I like free running and parkour, I like jumping around – things like that. So I loved it!”

All excellent news. The rest of the cast is pretty impressive too, with Anjelica Huston, Richard E Grant, Noel Fielding, Mathew Horne, Prunella Scales... and Dick and Dom dazzling Horrid Henry as hosts of his favourite TV show. So who made the biggest impression upon Theo?

“All the way Dick and Dom! All the way baby, Dick and Dom! I’ve been watching them since I was really really young. And watching (sings) ‘dum dum Dick and Dom in the bungalow song’. And I was watching that for ages, and then when I saw that they were gonna be in the movie – which was way after I started filming – I was like, ‘Oh really, Dick and Dom. That’s cool, you know. I haven’t been watching them for a while.’ And they were, like, the only people which I was a bit – not nervous, but just a little bit starstruck when I met them. So yeah, they were both really great.”

Brilliant. Just like Henry! So was Theo ever like Horrid Henry?

“No.” Oh. “I think for me I was more worried on set. I was really good at filming, it uses up loads of energy.” Oh. Just a good actor in a fab film. Ace. Horrid Henry is out in cinemas nationwide on 29 July Listings Send your stage listings to: stage@thelatest.co.uk Send your comedy listings to: comedy@thelatest.co.uk Send your events listings to: events@thelatest.co.uk Send your arts listings to: art@thelatest.co.uk Send your music listings to: music@thelatest.co.uk Send your club listings to: clubs@thelatest.co.uk Send your gay listings to: gay@thelatest.co.uk

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE! Brighton’s listings in one click: thelatest.co.uk On your mobile: m.thelatest.co.uk

tues july 26

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preston reed “widely thought of as the world’s most gifted guitarist” total guitar “spectacular…the best one-man show this reviewer has seen since bruce springsteen…a terrific

performer” the irish independent acknowledged by an ever-growing string of superlatives from critics, musicians and fans alike, guitarist extraordinaire Preston Reed has single-handedly reinvented acoustic guitar playing.

7.30pm £10 / £8 advance

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sun july 31

ian mark burzio + matt bonner acoustic showdown 7.30pm £6

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Pic: Courtesy of Vertigo Distribution

FILM: CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER 3D (PG) Dir: Joe Johnston Another member of Marvel’s Avengers franchise steps out on his own, allowing us to get to know him before the superhero ensemble movie next May. Starring Chris Evans (he of the flaming from The Fantastic Four) as Steve Rogers, this tells of a quintessential weakling who volunteers to take part in a military experiment that turns him into Captain America.

Good thing, too, as someone needs to stop the villainous Red Skull (Hugo Weaving).

Released 29 July Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

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STARS | TV

STARS With Val Aviv

HARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

If you weren’t surprising yourself enough lately then you may do now; this time in a more positive way. You need that happy feeling but its intermittent spells have left you doubtful. Don’t worry, the smile is bouncing back as we speak.

HTAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

To get that someone special to notice your affections, try a big gesture. If you are not the one doing the gesturing then the proposition may be being miscommunicated. It’s not a business deal, it’s romance! Give your attention generously.

HGEMINI {May 22–June 21}

You’ve got this week to really push forward with a plan. Take one giant breath and get determined. One final push is all you need to release the tension. Your gift for the gab has just been upgraded, you are now armed with a charm offensive.

HCANCER {June 22–July 22}

The chance for you to really shine presents itself quite unexpectedly so grab the cape of good fortune. Upgrading a set of values which have long past their sell by date will be the best thing you have done in years, you may wish to celebrate.

HLEO {July 23–Aug 22}

Your strong sense of self is going to need expression as this week brings you a fresh wave to surf and a chance to wipe an old slate clean. What is unexpected, radical or new, will inspire you to reach beyond your everyday understanding.

HVIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

Love may dominate your thoughts while time alone brings immense creativity. Your mind is sharp, yet at the same time you’re keen for the dreamier aspects of life which may cloud your more rational judgement. Don’t jump to conclusions as things are not set in stone.

HLIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

A social time ensues and you get the opportunity to make some important changes for the better. Financial resolutions are going to have a positive long term impact if you start them now. Being alone gives you the ability to be more objective and rational about any confusing work issues.

HSCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

Is it possible to make a better impression? Everything you look at begins to melt as all we can see is your golden halo. Emanating from you is warmth and some fundamental necessity that everyone wants a piece of. Use this confidence positively.

HSAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

Does the past seem rosy? Are you forgetting all the hardships? You are standing and looking at the world from a lofty position, honour the grace that lets you see the horizon, what is today a vision, is tomorrow the world you live in.

HCAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

Look to today for the answers to niggling problems, as only a few minor alterations will change the entire appearance of an outmoded way of being. Owning the power to make changes it is a gift and not one to be sniffed at. It’s a privilege, don’t waste it.

HAQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

Love is sometimes volatile, but what’s apparent is the need to be honest. The truth sets people free in the most unlikely of ways; it will require a healthy dose of courage to be honest now, but you will look back and be so glad you had it in you.

HPISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

As a dreamer it’s impossible to make people who only see one reality understand just how despairing it is to experience reality as an extension of our dreams, but what you try, you can buy into. Could logic be the winning formula in a relationship this week?

Val Aviv is the presenter for Brighton Lights on Latest TV www.thelatest.tv For more astrological insights and monthly horoscopes visit www.valaviv.com or for a personal astrological reading contact Val Aviv at: astrology@valaviv.com

L7 TV Your weekly TV guide 826 JULY – 1 AUGUST such sincerity while the others squirmed at the aforementioned muck. That’s not to say she hasn’t got an edge. Brilliant television comes from such expressions leading to a conclusion. “You have made my foot itch, mate. I’m not amused, I’m With Victoria Nangle angry! I’m out.” Make my foot itch! What a lead up to a rejection! And while sporting shoulder pads that wouldn’t have been out of place on Joan Collins in her Dynasty days. Class.

Hilary claiming her Dragon stripes aside, it’s business as usual with disparate and random ideas coming up those spiral stairs to pitch for that cash and expertise injection the Dragons are so good at. Opening with a presentation that could hardly have gone worse from Georgette Hewitt, mother of three from Kent, the room quickly arewell sweet The Apprentice, hello brand showed how fast it can turn on its heel, keeping new series of Dragons’ Den with a spanking the ever-present tension in place. new Dragon to boot.

We know how this goes; Business is big business on Duncan is bullish, clever but “An entrepreneur telly, as people try and survive likely to be moody; Theo is on their wits and ingenuity, as and brassy as Liz softer but not one to suffer well as a product they fools gladly; Peter is tall... absolutely believe in. With The McDonald behind and very astute and Apprentice, in the main, that measured; Deborah has a the bar of the Rovers” level stare and an even tone, product was themselves. In this it can be anything from a and plenty of business device to stop toilet splashback to being a human acumen to offer. They’re a dream team, and now cannonball. Oh, the cleverness of it all. Especially they’ve got the delightful Hilary too. Making among the people who haven’t already puffed short shrift of those who think they can just use themselves up with their own importance. They’re blarney to get to the money (The Apprentice’s the ones to really keep an eye on. Well done, Tom in Jim, take note), Dragons’ Den is packed full of winning The Apprentice. Let’s see who else can win excitement for those exhausted by the attention their own game in Dragons’ Den with off-the-wall span that was demanded of them by The thinking and good manners.

Apprentice. Easy to dip into, and packed full of First off, a salute to the new Dragon, Hilary business tips you might learn despite yourself, Devey. An entrepreneur and brassy as Liz it’s a welcome return for this new improved McDonald behind the bar of the Rover’s Return, she supporter of innovative business. fair leaves Duncan Ballantyne in the shade with her Dragons’ Den, BBC2, Sunday 31 July own straight-talking. Such bliss to hear phrases follow me on twitter latestvicky like; “Where there’s muck there’s luck,” uttered with

Telly Talk

Funny business F

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tuesday 26 The Hour BBC2, 9pm So it’s the second episode of this sleek new drama about the 1950s birth of real investigative journalism at the BBC and Bel (Romola Garai, pictured) knows the way to improve the show’s ratings is to bravely interview an Egyptian diplomat. Unfortunately, she doubts, though, that Freddie (Ben Whishaw) is up to the job.

FILM: Gomorrah (2008) BBC2, 12.20am Following on from BBC2’s Italy’s Bloodiest Mafia documentary about the real-life Italian mafia, we have this acclaimed film take on the Camorra, the notorious Naples organised crime family.

Five grim tales of bleak obligation and injustice are interwoven in this decidedly unvarnished look at perhaps the fiercest of families.

Geordie Finishing School For Girls BBC3, 9pm The TV pages wouldn’t be complete without a nice batch of BBC3 documentaries about reallife doofuses (or is it doofi?) and some expert or another guiding them on the winning path. This show sees four well-off southern girls transplanted up north to see how they fare in the workplace.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Saints And Scroungers 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Only Fools And Horses 2.45 Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers 3.05 Copycats 3.35 Me And My Monsters 4.00 Gimme A Break 4.30 Cop School 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00am-9.05am Children’s television 9.05 The Koala Brothers 9.15 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.35 Chuggington 9.45 Mr Bloom’s Nursery 10.05 Gigglebiz 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 FILM: Second Chorus (1940) 1.00pm World Swimming Championships 3.00 The Weakest Link 3.45 Antiques Road Trip 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Auction Party 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Wild At Heart 5.00 Dinner Date

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.30 According To Jim 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 9.55 Three In A Bed 10.55 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 The Fairy Jobmother 1.05 The Secret Supper Club 1.40 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: School’s Out 5.00 Come Dine With Me

6.00am-9.15am Children’s Television 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 The Wright Stuff Extra With Gabby Logan 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ice Road Truckers 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Law And Order 3.15 FILM: Amber’s Story (2006) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Dutch International Masters 10.00 International Cricket 12.00pm Scottish Premier League 1.30 Dutch International Masters 2.30 International Cricket 4.30 LIVE Cricket 10.00 Dutch International Masters 11.00 The Sky Sports Years 12.00am Football Asia 12.30 Football’s Greatest 1.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.00 Time Of Our Lives 3.00 Football Asia 3.30 Football’s Greatest 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.00 The Sky Sports Years

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show – Best Of Britain 7.30 EastEnders Eddie goes to unnerving lengths in an attempt to make Michael pay for last night’s events. Never do rounds at the pub.

8.00 Holby City When Simone is transferred from St James’s, can Ric save her and, at the same time, regain Elizabeth’s trust?

9.00 Richard Hammond’s Journey To The Bottom Of The Ocean What lies at the bottom of the oceans?

What would happen if the planet lost its oceans? Richard can reveal all this and more in a way never seen before, because he has the ultimate toy: a vast working 3D virtual Earth.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Imagine... Iraq In Venice Arts documentary about the recent resurgence in Iraq’s cultural life at the Venice Biennial.

11.35 Travellers When Scottish Traveller Donald Stewart tries to defend his family from an alleged racist attack, he is the one arrested.

The family believe this is unjust.

12.35am Weatherview weather forecast. 12.40 Sign Zone: Coast 1.40 The Country House Revealed 2.40 Fake Britain With Dominic Littlewood 3.25 Island Parish 3.55 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a fight between bookworms and bods.

6.30 Celebrity Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a celebrity special of the show. Can a team of sporting greats captained by John Inverdale and featuring Dennis Taylor, Mark Lawrenson, Graham Bell and Bob Champion triumph and win the cash prize for charity? Unlikely.

7.00 Coast Coast explores the strong bonds Britain has with its neighbour across the North Sea, Denmark. The Danes top the polls as the world’s happiest people; Neil Oliver looks at the uniquely Danish concept of ‘hygge’, a cosy comfortable feeling.

8.00 Restoration Home Years of neglect have left fungus growing on walls running wet with damp and timbers so rotten that one good storm might bring down the roof. Stanwick Hall is in appalling condition and faces an incredible battle for survival.

9.00 The Hour See highlights 10.00 Twenty Twelve Comedy following the challenges faced by those responsible for delivering the Olympics. A group of dignitaries from Rio is in London for the week.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Italy’s Bloodiest Mafia Documentary about the Naples mafia, the Camorra, perhaps the most deadly crime family of all.

12.20am FILM: Gomorrah (2008) See highlights 2.30 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Things are tense in court as Jerry takes the stand.

7.30 Wildlife Patrol Lancashire National Wildlife Crime Unit officers investigate suspected illegal taxidermists. They get everywhere.

8.00 Cops With Cameras Highoctane series in which miniature cameras fitted to police uniforms take you to the heart of the action.

9.00 Homes From Hell This edition features the Brits who bought dream homes in Spain on a development in which all the houses began to buckle under their own weight.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 Celebrity Juice: Coronation Street Special Madcap host Keith Lemon presents a special Coronation Street-themed edition of the showbiz panel show. Team captains Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton and regular panellist Rufus Hound are joined by Corrie stars Kym Marsh, Shobna Gulati and Andy Whyment.

With Austin Powers star Verne Troyer.

11.20 ITunes Festival 2011 Alexa Chung and Dave Berry present.

12.15am The Zone ITV1’s place to shop and play.

2.15 Crossing Jordan 3.05 ITV Nightscreen Text-based information service.

5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Hallowe’en special. The Simpsons are haunted by the ghost of Ned Flanders.

6.30 Hollyoaks Bart and Sinead enjoy a carefree day at the funfair.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 4thought.tv Documentaries on religious and ethical issues.

8.00 The Sex Education Show The roadshow travels to York High to teach pupils about male puberty. The kids visit a fertility clinic to see how artificial insemination takes place and witness the moment life begins.

9.00 Undercover Boss Managing Director Nikki King, OBE, goes undercover at Japanese truck dealers Isuzu Truck UK to see how things are.

10.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA In this episode, Gordy travels to Boston to visit an Italian restaurant run into the ground by brothers Frank and Anthony.

11.05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Guests include Matt Horne, the Loose Women team (no!) and actors Jason Bateman, Charlie Day and Jason Sudeikis. Music from The Kooks.

12.05am PokerStars.co.uk European Poker Tour Final table of the PokerStars.co.uk 2011. 1.05 World Touring Cars 1.35 Asian Beach Volleyball 2.30 KOTV Boxing 2.55 Mobil 1 The Grid 3.20 Dunlop MSA Formula Ford 3.50 GE Canary Wharf Triathlon 4.15 Freesports On 4 5.10 One Tree Hill 5.55 Sali Mali

6.00 Home And Away Indi is shocked when she learns that Sid has not told Marilyn the real reason behind their break-up. Playstation?

6.25 OK! TV Gossips Kate Walsh and Matt Johnson chirrup and babble.

7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Mexican Food Made Simple Cookery show with Thomasina Miers.

Tommi wrestles with a spicy Mexican vegetable soup, a staple dish.

8.00 One Year To Go: Building Stratford Documentary about the construction of a new Olympic Park in east London in time for 2012.

9.00 CSI: Miami Serial killer Bob Starling returns to play a cat-andmouse game with the investigators.

10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation The murder trial of a prominent congressman is interrupted by a violent suicide. So rude.

10.55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series about a team of forensic investigators in Las Vegas. A robbery victim is found mummified in a locked closet.

11.55 Lucie Blackman Murder: Crimes That Shook The World Documentary exploring the murder of Sevenoaks woman Lucie Blackman by serial killer Joji Obara in Tokyo.

12.50am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.05 The Family Recipei 4.15 Law And Order. 4.55 Rough Guide To Bang For Your Buck 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Surf 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Absolute Match Fishing 8.30 Elite League Speedway 10.30 European Tour Golf 11.30 PGA Tour Golf 12.30pm Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 2.00 PGA Tour Classic 3.00 Trilby Tour Preview – The Story So Far 4.00 European Tour Golf 5.00 Dutch International Masters 6.00 Cycling Sports World 6.30 Kings Of The Surf 7.00 Football Asia 7.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 10.00 Poker 12.00am Cycling Sports World 12.30 Kings Of The Surf 1.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 1.30 Football Asia 2.00 Kings Of The Surf 2.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 9.30am Trilby Tour Preview – The Story So Far 10.30 Wild Spirits 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Spruce Meadows 1.00 Extra Time 1.30 Absolute Match Fishing 2.00 International Bowls 4.00 Extra Time 4.30 Absolute Match Fishing 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Golf: European Challenge Tour 8.00 Golf – Sir Bobby Robson Golf Classic 10.00 Golfing World 11.00 Golf: European Challenge Tour 12.00am Golf – Sir Bobby Robson Golf Classic 2.00 International Bowls 4.00 Close

Nick Aldwinckle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

12.00pm Stargate Atlantis (x2) 2.00 Sun, Sea And A&E 3.00 A League Of Their Own (x2) 4.00 Modern Family 4.30 The Middle 5.00 Raising Hope 5.30 Futurama 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Emergency With Angela Griffin 9.00 FILM: Meet Joe Black (1998) 12.25am Brit Cops: Frontline Crime

7.00pm Total Wipeout 8.00 Small Teen, Bigger World 9.00 Geordie Finishing School For Girls 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Angry Boys 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Geordie Finishing School For Girls 12.45am Mongrels 1.15 Angry Boys 1.45 Underage And Pregnant 2.15 Small Teen, Bigger World

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Grand Tours Of Scotland 8.00 The Story Of Maths 9.00 Camera That Changed The World 10.00 The Lost World Of Mitchell And Kenyon 11.00 Women’s Institute 12.00am Today I’m With You 12.55 Morning In The Streets 1.30 The Story Of Maths 2.30 Grand Tours Of Scotland

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x2) 6.45 Take Me Out 8.00 Peter Andre: Here 2 Help 9.00 America’s Got Talent: Performance 8 11.00 FILM: Red Dragon (2002) 1.30am Emmerdale

11.20am Cadfael 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 George And Mildred 2.35 Terry And June 3.05 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 George And Mildred 7.25 Terry And June 8.00 Monk 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.05am Numb3rs

2.00pm Hollyoaks 2.30 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Samantha Who? 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 10.00 The Cleveland Show (x2) 11.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.00am How I Met Your Mother (x2)

2.35pm Come Dine With Me 3.05 The Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: Catfish 11.55 Come Dine With Me 1.00am True Stories: Catfish

11.00am The Men (1950) 12.50pm The Sheriff Of Fractured Jaw (1958) 2.55 White Feather (1955) 4.55 Tristan + Isolde (2006) 7.15 Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer (2007) 9.00 The Sixth Sense (1999) 11.05 Mona Lisa (1986) 1.10am Deathwatch (2002) 3.00 M Night Shyamalan’s Secrets Of Cinema: Production

thelatest

.TV

www.thelatest.tv If you want to join us to make a TV channel for Brighton on terrestrial TV come to Latest Musicbar. 5.30pm Mondays

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wednesday 27 The Code BBC2, 9pm It always seems to be explained by weird sealife, eh? Marcus du Sautoy reveals that everything (and he means everything) is governed by precise mathematical code and that significant numbers constantly rear their head (so to speak) throughout nature. If you’ve seen the film π, or Pi, you’ll know the sort of thing.

Murdoch: The Mogul Who Screwed The News Channel 4, 10pm Being at the centre of one of the UK’s biggest political scandals of recent years, with many powerful figures in the firing line, Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp has certainly felt the wrath of what observers have called ‘Britain’s quiet revolution’. Jaques Peretti examines the hacking crisis.

Franklin And Bash E4, 10pm This newish US sitcom sees the vaguely likeable Road Trip and, erm, Garfield star Breckin Meyer paired with Saved By The Bell’s Mark-Paul Gosselaar as a pair of lawyers recruited to a big law firm. An unwieldy premise, though perhaps Meyer’s comedy charm could make these lawyers more endearing than they sound.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Saints And Scroungers 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Only Fools And Horses 3.05 Copycats 3.35 Me And My Monsters 4.00 All Over The Place 4.30 Little Howard’s Big Question 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00am – 9.05am Children’s television 9.05 The Koala Brothers 9.15 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.35 Chuggington 9.45 Mr Bloom’s Nursery 10.05 Gigglebiz 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 FILM: Beautiful But Dangerous (1954) 1.00pm World Swimming Championships 3.00 The Weakest Link 3.45 Antiques Road Trip 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Auction Party 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Wild At Heart 5.00 Dinner Date

6.00am – 8.50am Children’s television 8.50 Olivia 9.00 Little Princess 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 The Wright Stuff Extra With Gabby Logan 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ice Road Truckers 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Law And Order 3.15 FILM: Mystery Woman: Mystery Weekend (2005) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Dutch International Masters 10.00 Football’s Greatest 10.30 LIVE Football: Premier League Asia Cup (x2) 4.00pm Golf: Challenge Series 2011 4.30 LIVE Cricket 10.00 Dutch International Masters 11.00 The Sky Sports Years 12.00am Football: Premier League Asia Cup 2.00 Football’s Greatest 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.00 Football: Premier League Asia Cup

6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a general knowledge quiz between nerds and poindexters.

6.30 Celebrity Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a ‘celebrity’ special. Can a team of Antiques Roadshow experts featuring Hilary Kay, Paul Atterbury, Eric Knowles, Mark Allum and Lars Tharp triumph over the general knowledge Goliaths and win the cash for their charity?

7.00 Rick Stein’s Spain Rick continues his journey in the old camper van from the Basque country on the Atlantic coast.

8.00 Top Gear Motoring show.

Jeremy Clarkson and James May embark on a trip to the British seaside in two new electric cars, taking in an impromptu, informative visit to Lincoln along the way.

9.00 The Code See highlights.

10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Anarchic pop quiz hosted by Terry Wogan with team captains Noel Fielding and Phill Jupitus. Guests are: Edith Bowman, Rufus Hound, James Blunt and Imelda May. Yes, you heard it right: Wogan’s in the house.

10.30 Newsnight Paxman sneers at the gutter press gleefully.

11.20 Botham: The Legend Of ’81 Tale of the remarkable comeback story of 30 years ago this summer.

12.20am The Tudors Anne Boleyn’s fall from Henry’s favour escalates.

1.15 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather .

7.00 Emmerdale It is Paddy’s turn to give evidence. Debbie fears Samson has hurt Sarah. There aren’t enough soap characers called Samson.

7.30 The Corrie Years The second episode examines how Britain’s longest-running soap has consistently broken new ground. Interviews with cast members past and present.

8.00 50 Greatest Harry Potter Moments Can’t we just talk about The Hobbit? No? Fine. Contributions from Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, JK Rowling, Julie Walters, Ralph Fiennes, director David Yates and celebrity fans.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 Nature’s Fury Chris Terrill goes in search of some of the world’s biggest storms. In this episode he tracks two enormous hurricanes and tries to get directly in the path of destruction. Like Twister, but fun.

11.35 Homes From Hell This edition features the Brits who bought dream homes in Spain on a development in which all the houses began to buckle under their own weight. Anyway, about The Hobbit...

12.30am The Zone ITV1’s place to shop and play. 2.30 FILM: Pillow Talk (1959) Romantic comedy about a couple of feuding neighbours.

4.15 ITV Nightscreen Text information service. 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 According To Jim 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 9.55 Three In A Bed 10.55 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 The Fairy Jobmother 1.05 The Secret Supper Club 1.35 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present... Stephen Miller 1.40 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: School’s Out 5.00 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons Homer grows a highly addictive tomato, Tomacco.

6.30 Hollyoaks Ste makes a big decision about his relationship when he decides to move to Newcastle.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 4thought.tv Documentaries on religious and ethical issues.

8.00 Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance Three-year-old Grace picks holes in her face while she sucks her thumb. Sounds like a straight-to-VHS horror flick starring Supernanny.

9.00 24 Hours In A&E 88-year-old Omar is brought in after suffering severe stomach pains. 33-year-old Hanny is rushed in after trying to end his life with a cocktail of drugs.

10.00 Murdoch: The Mogul Who Screwed The News See highlights 11.05 The Killing US thriller. Sarah and Holder pressure Rosie’s former boyfriend, Jasper, for answers.

12.05am Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present...Danielle Brown 2012 Profile of Danielle Brown, a paralympic gold medallist in archery.

12.10 Demetri Martin: Person Perrier comedy award-winning comedian.

1.05 MUSIC ON 4: 4Play: Patrick Wolf 1.20 The Album Chart Show 1.35 FILM: Victim (1961) Groundbreaking drama about a gay barrister. 3.15 My Other Wheelchair Is A Porsche. 3.30 Embarrassing Bodies: Teen Special 4.25 Born To Be Different 5.20 Countdown

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 Olympics 2012: One Year To Go To mark one year to the London 2012 Olympics, Sophie Raworth and Jake Humphrey are live in Trafalgar Square as the world’s athletes are invited to the games.

7.30 The Great British Weather Live from Greenwich Park, the home of The Royal Observatory, Alexander Armstrong, Chris Hollins and Carol Kirkwood examine how the glowing ball in the sky controls our seasons.

8.30 Sherlock Contemporary crime drama, based on the stories by Arthur Conan Doyle. Repeat of episode two.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 10.45 Not Going Out Sitcom. Lucy and Tim are distraught. Their parents’ thirty-year marriage is at an end, and their father has moved out of the family home... into Lee’s bedroom.

11.15 Him & Her 20-something comedy about a young, lazy couple.

11.45 FILM: Alien Autopsy (2006) Ant and Dec’s film debut.

1.15am Weatherview 1.20 Bang Goes The Theory 1.50 Country Tracksy.

2.45 Richard Hammond’s Engineering Connections 3.35 Royal Upstairs Downstairs.

4.05 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Home And Away In the aftermath of his accident, Xavier turns on John when he chastises him for his immature behaviour.

6.25 OK! TV Kate Walsh and Matt Johnson jabber like fishwives.

7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Garden ER Gardening series with David Domoney and Bonnie Davies. David creates a chillout garden for a busy nurse.

8.00 The Removal Men: Pickfords A team is moving a customer from her Surrey mansion just seven miles up the road to a rented house, but the lads are under extreme pressure as they pack her 345-million-year-old fossil. Somewhat precious cargo.

9.00 NCIS US drama based on the work of the Navy’s dedicated federal agency. A navy SEAL is shot dead while threatening to throw himself from the top of a building.

10.00 FILM: Panic Room (2002) Starring Jodie Foster, Kristen Stewart, Forest Whitaker, Jared Leto and Dwight Yoakam. David Fincher’s tense suspense thriller about a mother and daughter trapped in their apartment’s panic room as intruders try to ransack the place.

12.20am Poker: The Big Game 1.20 SuperCasino 4.00 The Family Recipe 4.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 4.35 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Surf 7.00 Sports Unlimited 8.00 Golf: European Challenge Tour 9.00 Golf – Sir Bobby Robson Golf Classic 11.00 Golf: European Challenge Tour 12.00pm Golf: Challenge Tour 12.30 Cycling Sports World 1.00 DTM Motor Racing 2.00 Sports Unlimited 3.00 International Bowls 5.00 NFL – Total Access 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 Kings Of The Surf 7.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 8.00 Football: Premier League Asia Trophy 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Asian Tour Golf Show 12.30 Inside The PGA Tour 1.00 European Tour Weekly 1.30 Kings Of The Surf 2.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.30am WWE Vintage Collection 8.30 Cycling Sports World 9.00 International Bowls 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Kings Of The Surf 12.30 Golf – Sir Bobby Robson Golf Classic 2.30 Dutch International Masters 3.30 Wild Spirits 4.00 World Cup Of Pool 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Inside The PGA Tour 7.30 European Tour Weekly 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Watersports World 10.00 Cage Fighter 10.30 Trans World Sport 11.30 Cage Fighter 12.00am Poker 2.00 Trans World Sport 3.00 Close

Nick Aldwinckle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

2.00pm Sun, Sea And A&E 3.00 A League Of Their Own (x2) 4.00 Modern Family 4.30 The Middle 5.00 Raising Hope 5.30 Futurama 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 The Glee Project 9.00 Diversity Live: The Diversitoys Tour 10.00 Brit Cops: Rapid Response 11.00 Cop Squad 12.00am The Chicago Code

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Geordie Finishing School For Girls 9.00 Poor Kids 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 American Dad! (x6) 1.00am White Van Man (x2) 2.00 Geordie Finishing School For Girls 3.00 Poor Kids 4.00 White Van Man 4.30 Small Teen, Bigger World 5.30 Close

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Top Of The Pops: 1976 8.00 Time To Remember 8.30 Harold Baim’s Britain On Film 9.00 The National Trust 10.00 Nurse Jackie 10.30 Syrian School 11.30 Wallander 1.00am Top Of The Pops: 1976 1.40 Time To Remember 2.10 Harold Baim’s Britain On Film 2.40 The National Trust

12.00pm Emmerdale 12.30 Nanny 911 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 The Marriage Ref 8.00 America’s Got Talent: Results 8 9.00 Benidorm 10.00 FILM: Must Love Dogs (2005) 12.10am Emmerdale

1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 George And Mildred 2.40 Terry And June 3.15 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.15 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.55 Heartbeat 6.55 George And Mildred 7.30 Terry And June 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 10.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.05am Life 12.55 Drama Trails

1.05pm Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.00 Hollyoaks 2.30 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Samantha Who? 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Beaver Falls 10.00 Franklin & Bash 11.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 12.00am My Name Is Earl

3.05pm The Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Time Team 10.00 The Real Vikings: A Time Team Special 11.05 Man On Earth With Tony Robinson 12.10am Time Team

11.00am The Ten Commandments (1956) 3.10pm Campbell’s Kingdom (1958) 5.10 All That Heaven Allows (1955) 6.55 Far From Heaven (2002) 9.00 Blade: Trinity (2004) 11.10 M*A*S*H (1970) 1.25am Grave Of The Fireflies (1988) 3.15 M Night Shyamalan’s Secrets Of Cinema: Music

thelatest

.TV

Brighton Lights 29

www.thelatest.tv

We talk to award-winner and Mock The Week regular Zoe Lyons about comedy, dogs, and her love of Brighton – and caught a glimpse of her new show.

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thursday 28 Space Shuttle: The Final Mission BBC2, 7pm As America’s Space Shuttle Programme reaches the end of its thirty year lifespan, Kevin Fong is granted extraordinary access to the astronauts, ground crew and space flight simulator. The end of an era, the question looms: what does this curtain-call mean for space exploration?

Town With Nicholas Crane BBC2, 9pm Geographer Nicholas Crane (who conveniently actually resembles a crane) takes a look at some of the smaller urban areas in the UK. He starts off with Welsh border town Ludlow, with more listed buildings than anywhere else its size in Britain and a nice castle. Pray Nick’s not suckered into covering Basildon next.

WWE Late Night Raw Sky Sports 2, 10pm For anyone hip enough to be seen jeering along at Mexican luchador wrestling spectacular Lucha Future a few weeks ago, you know grown men in tights shouting at each other is the way forward. Feel the seismic impact as newly-crowned WWE champ CM Punk (pictured) has ‘left’ the company, taking the belt with him.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Saints And Scroungers 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Only Fools And Horses 3.05 Copycats 3.35 Me And My Monsters 4.00 Project Parent 4.30 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00am-9.15am Children’s Television 9.15 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.35 Chuggington 9.45 Mr Bloom’s Nursery 10.05 Gigglebiz 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 FILM: Affair With A Stranger (1953) 1.00pm World Swimming Championships 2.15 Golf: Women’s British Open 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Auction Party 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Wild At Heart 5.00 Dinner Date

6.05am Sali Mali 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 According To Jim 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 9.55 Three In A Bed 10.55 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 The Fairy Jobmother 1.10 The Secret Supper Club 1.40 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: School’s Out 5.00 Come Dine With Me

6.00am-8.50am Children’s television 8.50 Olivia 9.00 Little Princess 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 The Wright Stuff Extra With Gabby Logan 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ice Road Truckers 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Law And Order 3.15 FILM: A Soldier’s Love Story (2010) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Dutch International Masters 10.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 1.00pm Football: Premier League Asia Cup 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 LIVE CB40 Cricket 9.30 Ringside 11.00 Dutch International Masters 12.00am The Sky Sports Years 1.00 Ringside 2.30 Time Of Our Lives 3.30 Ringside 5.00 Time Of Our Lives

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks With Ste and Noah moving to Newcastle, Brendan invites the lads out for a drink.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 4thought.tv Documentaries on religious and ethical issues.

8.00 Help! My House Is Falling Down Sarah Beeny rescues families who have problem properties.

Mysterious leaks have turned Denis Richardson’s basement flat in London’s Gipsy Hill into a swamp.

9.00 The Killing US thriller remake of the Danish original. Rosie’s teacher Bennet Ahmed gives new evidence.

10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut Jimmy Carr hosts an extended edition of the panel show.

10.50 Rhod Gilbert And The Award-Winning Mince Pie Welsh comic Rhod Gilbert talks about how a mince pie transformed his life.

11.50 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present David Smith 2012 Profile of David Smith, a paralympic gold medallist at the ball sport boccia.

11.55 The Vue Film Show Edith Bowman presents. 12.25am MUSIC ON 4: Lounge On The Farm With Ticketline Acts from the Lounge on the Farm festival 12.50 The Hollyoaks Music Show 1.15 Cast Offs 2.10 Sex Education Show 3.05 How Murdoch Ran Britain: Dispatches 4.00 Born To Be Different 4.55 Wogan’s Perfect Recall 5.25 One Tree Hill

6.00 Home And Away Bianca is devastated to discover Liam checked out of rehab without telling her.

6.25 OK! TV Kate Walsh and Matt Johnson dish the celebrity dirt.

7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Documentary series in which Robert Llewellyn examines the feats of science and engineering behind everyday life. This episode examines how a Devon wool factory processes ten million fleeces every year.

8.00 Air Crash: Heathrow Emergency Documentary about Heathrow emergency procedures.

9.00 Cowboy Builders Dom Littlewood and Melinda Messenger track down terrible tradesmen and repair their botched jobs.

10.00 Candy Bar Girls Reality series following the regulars at Soho’s lesbian establishment, the Candy Bar. The bar staff attend a wine tasting in order to create a new drinks menu.

11.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in South Yorkshire.

A pursuit through Sheffield lands two known offenders in deep trouble.

12.00am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming 4.00 The Family Recipe 4.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 4.35 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 4.55 County Secrets.

5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show: Best Of Britain Another chance to see the best One Show films.

7.30 EastEnders Julie and Jean are panicked to find the Vic toilets covered in blood: does a set of keys hold the clue to what happened?

8.00 Traffic Cops Documentary series following the traffic police as they enforce the law on Britain’s roads. The cops are called in to deal with a horrific crash on the busy M1.

9.00 Torchwood: Miracle Day Torchwood goes on the run, and finds a new enemy. But as they raid PhiCorp headquarters, Jack must confront the mysterious Oswald Danes.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Kids Behind Bars Series which tells the stories of Britain’s most troubled kids by following the lives of inmates at a secure unit for children for a year. Bleak, for sure.

11.35 Richard Hammond’s Journey To The Bottom Of The Ocean What lies at the bottom of the oceans?

Omniscient Richard Hammond knows.

12.35am Holiday Weatherview 12.40 Sign Zone: One Born Every 40 Seconds – Panorama 1.10 Countryfile 2.10 Fake Britain With Dominic Littlewood. 2.55 Royal Upstairs Downstairs 3.25 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts a general knowledge quiz: nerdlingers versus dweebs today.

6.30 Celebrity Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a celebrity special of the show. Can the grumpy old women featuring Jenni Trent Hughes, Helen Lederer, Indira Joshi, Dillie Keane and Kim Woodburn triumph and win the cash prize for charity?

7.00 Space Shuttle: The Final Mission See highlights 8.00 Rick Stein’s Spain Cookery series. Rick and his old but trusty camper van head for the land of El Cid and its classic landscape of castles and vast plains. Then its off to La Mancha, the hot heart of Spain.

9.00 Town With Nicholas Crane See highlights 10.00 Have I Got Old News For You News quiz with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host Martin Clunes, and panelists Grayson Perry and Jimmy Carr.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 James May On The Moon James May commemorates the 40th anniversary of the Apollo moon landings by flying to the moon. Not really, though he does meet people that did that very thing.

12.20am The Tudors May 1536.

Anne Boleyn is to be beheaded with few allies left to mourn her.

1.10 BBC News.

6.00 Meridian Tonight Ah, Fred.

6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Tensions run high as the end of the court case is in sight. Debbie is keen to keep Sarah away from Samson. Oh, Samson.

7.30 Chemical Cosh For Kids?: Tonight The number of hyperactive children given controversial drugs to control behaviour has almost doubled over five years. Julie Etchingham investigates what’s behind this.

8.00 Emmerdale Sam is still worried about Samson. He’s a one.

8.30 Coronation Street Will Becky’s rage push Steve into her enemy’s arms?

9.00 Single-Handed Drama series about a Garda Sergeant in rural western Ireland. When an abandoned housing development is destroyed by fire, Sergeant Jack’s convinced the new owner is involved.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Rod Stewart Piers Morgan chats to rock legend Rod Stewart.

11.35 Odd One In Bradley Walsh hosts the Call My Bluff-style gameshow with celebrity guests.

12.20am The Zone ITV1’s place to shop and play 2.20 Chemical Cosh For Kids?: Tonight 2.50 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.30 ITV Morning News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Surf 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Football: Premier League Asia Trophy 11.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.30 Total Rugby 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Watersports World 2.00 Boots ‘n’ All 3.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 6.00 Ringside Season Review 7.30 LIVE Championship Rugby League 9.30 Super League Super Men 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 Racemax 2.00 Royal International Horse Show 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.30am Asian Tour Golf Show 8.00 Total Rugby 8.30 Trans World Sport 9.30 Watersports World 10.30 Total Rugby 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 Kings Of The Surf 1.30 Dutch International Masters 2.30 LIVE Royal International Horse Show 5.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 6.00 NFL – Total Access 7.00 IAAF Athletix 7.30 Barclays Premier League World 8.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 11.00 LIVE US Seniors Tour Golf 12.00am European Tour Golf 2.00 Sailing 2.30 Close

Nick Aldwinckle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

2.00pm Sun, Sea And A&E 3.00 A League Of Their Own (x2) 4.00 Modern Family 4.30 The Middle 5.00 Raising Hope 5.30 Futurama 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Futurama 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 The Chicago Code (x2) 11.00 Law And Order 12.00am Brit Cops: Frontline Crime

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.00 Our War: Ambushed 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Pranker 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Our War: Ambushed 12.55am The World’s Strictest Parents 1.55 The Pranker 2.25 Kellie: The Girl Who Played With Fire 3.25 Alex: A Life Fast Forward

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Proms 2011: Mahler’s Ninth Symphony 9.00 The Rattigan Enigma By Benedict Cumberbatch 10.00 Performance 11.55 British Masters 12.55am The Rattigan Enigma By Benedict Cumberbatch 1.55 Camera That Changed The World 2.55 Proms 2011: Mahler’s Ninth Symphony

12.00pm Emmerdale 12.30 Nanny 911 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 America’s Got Talent: Performance 9 9.00 Peter Andre: Here 2 Help 10.00 ITunes Festival 2011 11.00 The Only Way Is Essex (x2) 12.30am Coronation Street

2.25pm Terry And June 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.35 Heartbeat 6.40 George And Mildred 7.15 Terry And June 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 John Sergeant On The Tourist Trail 10.00 Trial And Retribution 7 12.15am Ironside

1.05pm Smallville 2.00 Hollyoaks 2.30 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Samantha Who? 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 How I Met Your Mother 10.00 Rude Tube 10.30 Phoneshop 11.05 Beaver Falls 12.10am FILM: Dogma (1999)

2.35pm Come Dine With Me 3.05 The Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 One Born Every Minute USA 10.00 Shameless 11.05 The Closer 12.00am One Born Every Minute USA

11.00am My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend (1987) 1.05pm The Barbarian And The Geisha (1958) 3.10 Jane Eyre (1944) 5.05 23 Paces To Baker Street (1956) 7.05 Angus, Thongs And Perfect Snogging (2008) 9.00 Alien 3 (1992) 11.10 Hostage (2005) 1.20am The Truth About Cats And Dogs (1995)

thelatest

.TV

Brighton Lights 28

www.thelatest.tv

Liz Bishop says Brighton Fashion Week will be one of the biggest fashion fests in the world within five years. We believe her.

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032_LS536_TV_Fri_L7wed14apr.qxd 21/07/2011 15:40 Page 1

friday 29 419: The Internet Romance Scam Channel 4, 7.35pm She never thought she was lookin’ for love until she lost £60,000 to a Nigerian scam artist.

Such is the story of divorcee Brenda. This First Cut documentary takes its name from the number for fraud in the Nigerian penal code and includes rare access to a former scammer.

Charles & Diana – Wedding Of The Century ITV1, 9pm History is determined to write this as the biggest love story ever, which it may have been, but you’ve got to feel for Camilla.

Anyway, this documentary covers the royal wedding that captivated a nation, using testimony from the people who witnessed it and played key roles in the big day.

The Pranker BBC3, 9.30pm Ross Lee stars in this hidden camera comedy show playing all manner of different characters to catch out and entertain the unsuspecting public. What a world it would be if we were all suspicious of strangers and expected to be on TV whenever a stranger wound us up. Might keep tempers in place. Hmm.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Saints And Scroungers 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Only Fools And Horses 3.05 Copycats 3.35 Me And My Monsters 4.00 Remote Control Star 4.30 Fee Fi Fo Yum 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.30 LazyTown 8.55 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.05 The Koala Brothers 9.15 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.35 Chuggington 9.45 Mr Bloom’s Nursery 10.05 Gigglebiz 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 FILM: Letter From An Unknown Woman (1948) 1.00pm World Swimming Championships 2.15 Golf: Women’s British Open 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Auction Party 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Wild At Heart 5.00 Dinner Date

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 According To Jim 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 9.55 Three In A Bed 10.55 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 The Fairy Jobmother 1.05 The Secret Supper Club 1.35 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present David Clarke 2012 1.40 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: School’s Out 5.00 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.50 Olivia 9.00 Little Princess 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 The Wright Stuff Extra With Gabby Logan 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ice Road Truckers 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Law And Order 3.15 FILM: Working Miracles (2010) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ringside 10.30 LIVE International Cricket 7.00pm Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 Dutch International Masters 11.00 International Cricket 1.00am Super League 2.30 Road To London 3.00 International Cricket 5.00 Trans World Sport

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Noah heads to Newcastle alone leaving Ste to make a choice about Brendan.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 4thought.tv 7.35 419: The Internet Romance Scam See highlights.

8.00 Come Dine With Me Cookerybased reality show in which chefs compete for the title of ultimate dinner party host.

9.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show with team captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson and guests.

9.30 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr hosts his own chat show with guests including X Factor finalists One Direction, comedian Stephen Merchant and singer Will Young.

10.30 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night Comedy quiz with Chris Moyles and celebrity guests Stacey Solomon, Chris Tarrant and Jimmy Carr.

11.20 The Big Bang Theory Comedy. Wolowitz is torn between taking things to the next level with Bernadette and pleasing his mother.

11.50 Sirens Sitcom about an accident and emergency team.

12.50am MUSIC ON 4: 4Play: Maverick Sabre 1.05 Abbey Road Debuts 1.20 My Name Is Earl (x2) 2.05 MESH: Covert 2.10 The Real Housewives Of New Jersey 2.55 Ugly Betty (x4)

6.00 Home And Away Marilyn is horrified to discover that Sid and Roo have moved in together.

6.25 OK! TV Kate Walsh and Matt Johnson present a lively mix.

6.55 5 News At 7 7.00 Cricket: England V India Highlights from Trent Bridge of the second of England’s four-match Test series against India.

8.00 Danger: Diggers At Work Series focusing on the work of the men and women at one of Europe’s largest digger hire companies. No sandpits were harmed.

9.00 Castle US crime drama series.

Beckett is forced to swap her uniform for a ball gown in order to track a thief with a sadistic side who is targeting members of New York’s high society.

10.00 The Mentalist Drama series.

The murder of a teenage boy leads to a dubious high school principal, a terrifying legend and a mysterious secret society. Someone call Wes Craven – now!

10.55 CSI: Miami Crime series.

Calleigh and Ryan are searching a house for evidence when someone locks them in and starts a fire.

11.50 Inside Hollywood Get your fix of the latest film and TV news.

12.05am SuperCasino 4.05 Motorsport Mundial 4.35 Great Scientists 5.00 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show – Best Of Britain 7.30 The Good Cook Award-winning food writer Simon Hopkinson shares his passion and expertise.

8.00 EastEnders Jean is left reeling when an angry Eddie turns on her.

8.30 A Question Of Sport Light-hearted sports quiz.

9.00 My Family Sitcom. Ben and Susan go off to a couples’ retreat for a weekend.

9.30 Miranda When a handsome guy leaves his wallet in the shop, Miranda and Stevie think it could be a sign. Fate!

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Would I Lie To You? Host Rob Brydon joins David Mitchell and Lee Mack for the comedy panel show all about truths and lies. Guests are Ken Livingstone, Reginald D Hunter, Fern Britton and Stephen Mangan.

11.05 My Favourite Joke What makes the nation’s comedians laugh.

11.35 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws Wake up!

11.45 FILM: The Ring II (2005) Starring Naomi Watts, Simon Baker.

Sequel to the cult horror.

1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: Rick Stein’s Spain 2.30 Restoration Home 3.30 SRoyal Upstairs Downstairs 4.00 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Quiz.

6.30 Celebrity Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a celebrity special of the show. as if you couldn’t guess.

7.00 Madagascar This second episode showcases cyanide-eating lemurs, cannibalistic frogs, meat-eating plants, cryptic leaf-tailed geckos, tadpole-eating wasps. All real. Coo. 8.00 Gardeners’ World This show celebrates the arrival of the holiday season.

9.00 The First World War From Above The story of the Great War told from a unique new aerial perspective. Featuring two remarkable historical finds, including a piece of archive footage filmed from an airship in summer 1919, capturing the trenches and battlefields in a way that’s rarely been seen before.

10.00 The Rob Brydon Show Chat show. Rob Brydon meets stand-up comedian, musician and actor, Bill Bailey, British R’n’B soul star, Beverley Knight, and up-and-coming Australian comedian, Celia Pacquola.

10.30 Newsnight 11.05 Scenes From A Teenage Killing Morgan Matthews’s documentary explores the impact of teenage killings on families and communities across Britain.

1.05am FILM: Babylon (1980) 2.35 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Andy and Alicia’s plans are coming together. Debbie is concerned about Sarah’s bruises.

7.30 Coronation Street Steve struggles with the consequences of the night before. Will the reality of dating Marc and Marcia prove too much for Audrey? Let’s have another look at that sentance. Hmm. 8.00 Love Your Garden Last in series. Alan Titchmarsh demonstrates how to create an exotic garden befitting a Moroccan castle using cool patios made from intricate tiles, tall lush plants and canopies of trees.

8.30 Coronation Street Has Steve pushed Tracy too far? Audrey stands by her man. Amber casts aside her worries for a night on the tiles with Tommy. Woo hoo!

9.00 Charles & Diana – Wedding Of The Century See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Assassins (1995) Starring Sylvester Stallone, Antonio Banderas, Julianne Moore. Action thriller about a top-class hit man whose retirement plans are scuppered when he is forced to confront a younger rival bent on assuming his number one status.

12.55am The Zone 3.00 FILM: Unleashed (2005) 4.40 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Surf 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Dutch International Masters 10.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 1.00pm Ringside Season Review 2.30 Barclays Premier League World 3.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 6.00 Kings Of The Surf 6.30 NFL – Total Access 7.30 Road To London 8.00 Test Cricket: England V India 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Tight Lines 2.00 NFL – Total Access 3.00 Royal International Horse Show 5.00 NFL – Total Access

Sky Sports 3 10.30am Sailing 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Racemax 2.00 Dutch International Masters 3.00 Sailing 3.30 Ringside 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 11.00 LIVE US Seniors Tour Golf 12.00am European Tour Golf 2.00 Kings Of The Surf 2.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 3.00 Tight Lines 4.00 Super League 5.30 Aerobics: Oz Style

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3.00pm A League Of Their Own (x2) 4.00 Modern Family 4.30 The Middle 5.00 Raising Hope 5.30 Futurama 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Futurama (x2) 9.00 An Idiot Abroad 10.00 Wall Of Fame 10.30 Spartacus: Blood And Sand 11.45 Brit Cops: Rapid Response 12.45am Stargate: Ark Of Truth

7.00pm Athletics: Diamond League - Stockholm 9.00 World’s Craziest Fools 9.30 The Pranker. See highlights 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Angry Boys 12.15am Geordie Finishing School For Girls 1.15 Mongrels 1.45 The Pranker 2.15 World’s Craziest Fools

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Proms 2011: Hungarian Night With The London Philharmonic 9.50 Coldplay At Glastonbury 2011 10.50 Mumfiord & Sons At Glastonbury 2011 11.50 Guitar Heroes At The BBC 12.55am Coldplay At The BBC 1.25 Proms 2011: Hungarian Night With The London Philharmonic

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 Odd One In 7.45 Kesha: The Hot Desk 8.00 Penn & Teller: Fool Us 9.00 America’s Got Talent: Results 9 10.00 ITunes Festival 2011 11.00 Peter Andre: Here 2 Help 12.00am The Marriage Ref

1.55pm George And Mildred 2.30 Terry And June 3.05 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.05 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Heartbeat 6.45 George And Mildred 7.20 Terry And June 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Taggart 10.00 FILM: Gorillas In The Mist (1988) 12.35am FILM: Tin Cup (1996)

1.05pm Smallville 2.00 Hollyoaks 2.30 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Samantha Who? 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Gok’s Clothes Roadshow 10.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 11.05 Embarrassing Teen Bodies 12.10am Dirty Sexy Things

1.35pm The Good Wife 2.35 Come Dine With Me 3.05 The Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Celebrity Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 4 Rooms 10.00 FILM: Appaloosa (2008) 12.15am Heroes Of Comedy

11.00am The Tall Stranger (1957) 12.40pm Bless This House (1972) 2.25 True Grit (1969) 4.55 Catch That Kid (2004) 6.40 The Family Man (2000) 9.00 The Happening (2008) 10.45 Lost In Translation (2003) 12.45am 2046 (2000) 3.15 M Night Shyamalan’s Secrets Of Cinema: Staying Inspired

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Jess Eaton is the UK's most controversial fashion designer due to her Roadkill Couture clothing collection. See if you would wear them and watch our interview.

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saturday 30 Penn & Teller: Fool Us ITV1, 9pm Some smashing tricks and magicians dazzle their razzle at Penn and Teller in an effort to win the big prize of performing with the duo in fabulous Las Vegas. Altogether – oooh! Those competing include Cuba’s primo magician (currently residing in Margate) and the reigning world card trick champion.

Camelot Channel 4, 9pm The action never stops in Camelot. The Arthurian legend continues on. Arthur and his men rush to defend Bardon Pass when it comes under attack, only for Merlin to also discover that Morgan has been in the castle all the time. Big castle, small Morgan – bound to find a hiding place.

Film: Carrie Film4, 11.15pm It’s iconic, but how many of you have actually seen the symbolic horror from the pen of Stephen King? Well worth catching, starring Sissy Spacek as the bullied teen with the batty mother and her own special way of getting back at her tormentors.

Also starring Piper Laurie, John Travlota and Amy Irving.

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11.30 The Good Cook 12.00pm BBC News 12.05 South East Today 12.10 Formula 1: The Hungarian Grand Prix 2.20 World Swimming Championships 3.20 Golf: Women’s British Open 5.10 BBC News 5.20 South East Today 5.30 Total Wipeout

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Little Howard’s Big Question 8.25 Prank Patrol Down Under 8.50 Dennis & Gnasher 9.00 Trade Your Way To The USA 9.30 Fee Fi Fo Yum 10.00 Mission: 2110 10.25 League Of Super Evil 10.40 Wolverine And The X-Men 11.00 OOglies 11.15 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 11.40 MOTD Kickabout 12.00pm Lifeline 12.10 Coast 12.15 Antiques Road Trip 1.00 Antiques Road Trip 1.45 FILM: Sodom And Gomorrah (1962) 4.10 Flog It! 5.10 Golf: Women’s British Open 6.00 Athletics: World Trials And UK Championships Athletics: World Trials and UK Championships.

7.30 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. Mainwaring’s platoon runs into an abandoned steam engine.

8.00 The Impressionists: Painting And Revolution Waldemar Januszczak continues his investigation of the Impressionists, focusing on the people they painted and in particular the subjects of Degas, Caillebotte and the often forgotten Impressionist women artists.

9.00 BBC Proms 2011: Walton’s Violin Concerto The City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra comes to the Royal Albert Hall with new music director, the Latvian conductor Andris Nelsons.

International superstar Midori is the soloist in Walton’s Violin Concerto and the programme is bookended with music by Richard Strauss, his narrative tone poem Don Juan, and from the opera Salome - Dance of the Seven Veils with soloist Nadezhda Serdiuk.

11.20 The Rob Brydon Show Repeat of Friday’s show.

11.50 TOTP 2: 80s Special Mark Radcliffe presents a look back at some of the most memorable Top of the Pops performances from the 80s.

12.50am FILM: Tapeheads (1988) 2.20 FILM: Summer (2008)

6.00 – 8.10am Children’s television 8.10 SpongeBob SquarePants 8.25 Ten Mile Menu 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.45 This Morning: Saturday 12.45pm ITV News & Weather 12.50 FILM: Agatha Christie’s Murder Is Easy (1981) 2.45 Columbo: A Stitch In Crime 4.15 Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2: Behind The Magic 5.15 Meridian News And Weather 5.25 ITV News & Weather 5.40 FILM: Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban (2004)

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Vue Film Show 7.00 The Cooper Tyres British Formula 3 International Series 7.25 Mobil 1 The Grid 7.55 The Morning Line 8.55 Friends 9.25 The Hollyoaks Music Show With Matalan.co.uk 9.55 Smallville 10.50 Friends 11.20 Pop Up Pop Quiz 12.10pm Dirty Sexy Things 1.15 The TV Book Club 1.50 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present...Danielle Brown 2012 1.55 Channel 4 Racing 4.05 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present David Smith 2012 4.10 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (x4) 6.15 Channel 4 News 6.45 4thought.tv 6.50 FILM: Crocodile Dundee II (1988) Starring Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski, John Meillon, Charles Dutton, Hetcher Ubarry. In this sequel Mick Dundee heads back down under to escape a gang of rather nasty drug dealers. First though he must rescue the lovely Sue from their clutches.

Once back in Oz, the pair seek refuge in the outback, where the gangsters stand little chance against Mick’s bush skills. Call that a knife?!

9.00 Camelot See highlights.

10.00 FILM: Cloverfield (2008) Starring Michael Stahl-David, Lizzy Caplan, Mike Vogel, Odette Yustman.

Science fiction thriller about a group of friends trying to survive a mysterious attack on New York City.

While one of them records the experience on a hand-held camera, the group try to work out what is attacking them and rescue one of their friends, who is trapped somewhere in the besieged streets of Manhattan.

11.40 FILM: Underworld: Evolution (2006) Starring Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Derek Jacobi, Bill Nighy.

Action-packed vampire sequel.

1.35am Bums, Boobs And Botox 2.30 24 Hours In A&E 3.25 Embarrassing Bodies: Teen Special 4.20 Hill Street Blues 5.10 Born To Be Different

6.00 – 8.05am Children’s television 8.05 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.20 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.25 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.40 Rupert Bear 8.55 Olivia 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 The Milkshake!

Show 10.00 Inside Hollywood 10.15 Mexican Food Made Simple 10.45 FILM: Cheyenne Autumn (1964) 1.50pm FILM: Sugarfoot (1951) 3.25 FILM: War Arrow (1953) 5.00 FILM: Blue Thunder (1983)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 International Cricket 9.00 Cricket AM 10.30 LIVE International Cricket 7.00pm Tri-Nations Rugby Union 8.00 International Cricket 10.00 Premier League Asia Trophy 11.00 Dublin Super Cup 12.00am International Cricket 2.00 Premier League Asia Trophy 3.00 Dublin Super Cup 4.00 International Cricket

6.30 Tonight’s The Night The stars join John Barrowman to help make more dreams come true. Pop sensation Sophie Ellis-Bextor duets with a brave young woman; star of Glee, Matthew Morrison, makes one of his biggest fans very happy with help from The One Show’s Matt Baker; the band of Her Majesty’s Royal Marines have a new conductor for one night only.

7.30 The National Lottery: In It To Win It Dale Winton presents the quiz show where five contestants compete to be in the right place at the right time in a bid to win a big money jackpot. And the numbers everyone’s hoping will be thiers are called. Lend us a fiver...

8.20 Casualty A patient prompts Kirsty to make some life-changing decisions, and Adam’s past misdeeds come back to haunt him.

9.10 John Bishop’s Britain John returns for the second series of his comedy and entertainment show.

9.40 BBC News 10.00 FILM: King Arthur (2004) Retelling of the Arthurian legend, starring Clive Owen and Keira Knightley, set in the dark days after the Romans left Britain.

11.55 FILM: Amityville II – The Possession (1982) Starring Burt Young, Rutanya Alda, James Olson, Jack Magner. Horror.

1.30am Weatherview 1.35 News

8.15 Odd One In Bradley Walsh hosts the show in which two celebrity teams try to spot the person with the unique skill, secret or story in a series of outlandish line-ups.

This episode is a soap opera special in which Michelle Keegan and John Thomson from Coronation Street take on Emmerdale’s Adele Silva and Charlie Baker. The teams must try and spot who is the real Greek, who has the fake tattoo, who is part of a knife-throwing double act, who is wearing a mullet wig and who can lift up a person with their ears.

9.00 Penn & Teller: Fool Us See highlights.

10.00 The Marriage Ref Last in series. Dermot O’Leary is joined by Denise Van Outen and comedians Sarah Millican and Micky Flanagan to decide who is in the right and who is in the wrong in three funny domestic disputes. This week, they will be discussing a husband who is sick of his wife’s colourful dress sense and a young woman who gives her pet cat more love and attention than she gives her boyfriend.

11.00 ITV News & Weather 11.15 FILM: The Specialist (1994) Starring Sylvester Stallone, Sharon Stone, James Woods, Rod Steiger, Eric Roberts. Action thriller.

1.15am The Zone 3.15 In Plain Sight 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

7.00 Cricket: England V India Highlights from Trent Bridge of the second of England’s four-match Test series against India.

7.55 5 News Weekend 8.00 NCIS Drama series. When an ambulance carrying the body of a dead marine explodes, the agents uncover evidence of subterfuge that leads them to suspect that the marine’s family has something to hide. Like an unorthodox pacemaker?

9.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama. As soon as a country club employee is convicted of murdering a female member, new evidence appears that may prove his innocence.

10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Police drama. When the body of a young girl found in the woods is linked back to a cage fighter, Fin and Chester investigate the world of ultimate fighting.

10.55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Forensic crime drama.

When a well-respected philanthropist is savagely attacked in her bed, the CSI team search her house and discover that her attacker has been watching her for some time.

11.55 Inside Hollywood Get your fix of the latest film and TV news.

12.00am SuperCasino 4.05 The Family Recipe 4.10 The FBI Files 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Rugby Union 8.00 LIVE TriNations Rugby Union 10.30 Football’s Greatest 10.55 LIVE Football: Premier League Asia Trophy 1.15pm LIVE Football: Premier League Asia Trophy 4.00 LIVE Football: Dublin Super Cup 7.00 LIVE Super League 9.30 Royal International Horse Show 11.30 Super League 1.00am Grand Prix Speedway 4.00 Tri-Nations Rugby Union 5.00 Football’s Greatest 5.30 IAAF Athletix

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Ringside Season Review 7.30 Super League 9.00 NFL – America’s Game 10.00 WWE: Smackdown 12.00pm WWE: The Bottom Line 1.00 Road To London 1.30 Live European Tour Golf 5.30 Road To London 6.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 11.00 LIVE US Seniors Tour Golf 1.00am European Tour Golf 3.00 Royal International Horse Show 5.00 Max Power

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12.00pm Futurama (x3) 1.30 Modern Family 2.00 WWE 4.00 UK Border Force 5.00 Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows 5.10 FILM: The Librarian: Quest For The Spear (2004) 7.00 Emergency With Angela Griffin 8.00 Futurama (x2) 9.00 FILM: Men Of Honor (2000) 11.25 Cop Squad 12.25am Law And Order

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 Great Movie Mistakes 2: The Sequel 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.25am Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live 1.25 Don’t Tell The Bride 2.25 Great Movie Mistakes 2: The Sequel 4.20 Edinburgh Comedy Fest Live

7.00pm The Blue Planet 8.00 If Walls Could Talk: The History Of The Home 9.00 Wallander 10.30 The Great Outdoors 11.00 Great British Outdoors 12.00am Wild Swimming 1.00 Top Of The Pops: 1976 1.40 The Great Outdoors 2.10 If Walls Could Talk: The History Of The Home 3.10 The Blue Planet

9.05am Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.30 The Biggest Loser 10.30 The Only Way Is Essex 11.15 FILM: No Reservations (2007) 1.15pm America’s Got Talent: Performance and Results (x2) 6.50 FILM: Free Willy (1993) 9.00 FILM: The Mummy (1999) 11.25 FILM: Hannibal (2001) 2.00am ITunes Festival 2011

11.00am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 12.10pm The Turn Of The Screw 2.00 FILM: Carry On Cowboy (1965) 2.55 Fyi Daily 3.00 FILM: Carry On Cowboy (1965) 4.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 6.05 Columbo: Ashes To Ashes 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 11.05 Wycliffe 12.45am Film File 12.55 Drama Trails

12.25pm Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance 1.25 Running In Heels (x2) 2.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 One Tree Hill 7.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 8.00 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 9.00 Friends (x2) 10.00 FILM: There’s Something About Mary (1998) 12.20am The Cleveland Show (x2)

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.35 Time Team (x5) 2.45pm FILM: The Colditz Story (1954) 4.35 Grand Designs (x4) 8.55 Grand Designs Revisited 10.00 Journey To The Edge Of The Universe 12.00am Time Team 1.05 Journey To The Edge Of The Universe 3.05 Time Team 4.00 Close

11.00am White Feather (1955) 1.00pm The Family Man (2000) 3.20 War Of The Worlds (1953) 5.00 Doctor Dolittle (1998) 6.40 Ever After (1998) 9.00 The Bank Job (2008) 11.15 Carrie (1976). See highlights. 1.10am Riding In Cars With Boys (2001) 3.55 Close

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Vicky Nangle catches up with the comedy cream in readiness for the Edinburgh Featival – that’s Zoe Lyons, Nick Helm, Flange Krammer and Angela Barnes

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sunday 31 Inspector George Gently BBC1, 8.30pm You’d think an idyllic coastal village in the 1960s would be the bestest place ever to feel safe and tucked up. Danger? That would be a stumble on a cliff walk, that would. Not dead on the docks after a rally. Strange other universe Inspector Gently lives in, but it’s one where he’s bound to get to the bottom of things.

Law & Order: UK ITV1, 9pm Lawks! Why can’t things ever be black and white? You’d think that a Bonnie & Clyde pair that rampaged their way through the streets of London killing willy nilly would be an open and shut case, but apparently one of them reckons they’re less guilty than the other. Less accomplice, more hostage. Really, though? Really?

Film: The Prince And The Showgirl BBC4, 8pm Marilyn Monroe and Sir Laurence Olivier star together in this mismatched romantic comedy concerning – you guessed it – a prince and a showgirl. Can you guess which is which? Olivier notoriously found Monroe difficult to work with on this, but they are both truly awesome.

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BBC2

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Sunday Morning Live 11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm BBC News 12.05 Formula 1: The Hungarian Grand Prix 3.25 My Family 3.55 Escape To The Country 4.55 Songs Of Praise 5.30 Horrible Histories With Stephen Fry

6.00am Wibbly Pig 6.10 Dipdap 6.15 Pinky Dinky Doo 6.30 Tinga Tinga Tales 6.45 Octonauts 7.00 Deadly 60 7.30 Arthur 7.55 Dennis And Gnasher 8.10 Junior MasterChef 8.35 Bear Behaving Badly 9.00 Friday Download 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 EastEnders 1.30pm Golf: Women’s British Open 5.00 Swimming: World Championships

6.00 BBC News 6.20 South East Today 6.30 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team return for a second visit to the Tower Ballroom in Blackpool. Objects examined by the experts include one of the earliest prayer books seen on the programme and a valuable pair of duelling pistols, while the original Teddy from Watch with Mother makes a surprise appearance.

7.30 Countryfile The people and the stories at the heart of the British countryside.

8.30 Inspector George Gently See highlights.

10.00 BBC News .

10.15 South East Today 10.25 Sugartown Comedy drama. Jason re-launches the Rock Factory in an effort to save it from Max’s hostile takeover.

11.25 Moving On Contemporary drama series. When Joanne’s son Jamie gets bullied, she assumes that his Catholic school will do everything they can to help. She is shocked to discover, though, that he is being attacked because the other children think he’s gay, and the school are far less than helpful.

12.10am Weatherview 12.15 Sign Zone: The Street That Cut Everything (x2) 1.50 Holby City 2.50 Antiques Road Trip 3.35 BBC

6.00 Athletics: World Trials And UK Championships Athletics: World Trials and UK Championships.

8.00 Top Gear Motoring show.

Jeremy Clarkson and James May embark on a trip to the British seaside in two new electric cars, taking an impromptu and thoroughly informative visit to Lincoln along the way.

Meanwhile, Richard Hammond meets the world’s most extraordinary rally team and another celebrity guest hits the track in the Reasonably Priced Car. Plus, the Lamborghini Aventador flexes its muscles on the track.

9.00 Dragons’ Den Series presented

by Evan Davis, in which budding entrepreneurs get three minutes to pitch their business ideas to five multimillionaires willing to invest their own cash to kick start the business.

10.00 The Grumpy Guide To... More ruminations on the deplorable state of the world from a range of ageing and considerably grumpy celebrities.

11.00 This World International investigative documentary series. Don’t misread it and think this is the return of 90s anarchic late night Terry Christianfronted show The Word. It’s not.

12.00am FILM: Of Time And The City (2008) 1.10 FILM: Don’t Worry About Me (2009) 2.30 BBC News 4.05 The Super League Show

ITV1

6.00am Signed Stories 6.10 Boblins 6.20 Fireman Sam 6.30 Chloe’s Closet 6.45 Olly The Little White Van 6.50 Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 7.15 Annabel’s Kitchen 7.25 Monk 7.30 Supernormal 7.45 Supernormal 7.55 Horrid Henry’s Movie Mayhem 8.25 May The Best House Win 9.25 Dickinson’s Real Deal 10.25 60 Minute Makeover 11.30 This Morning: Sunday 12.30pm Dinner Date 1.30 ITV News & Weather 1.35 Survival: Tales From The Wild 2.30 Inspector Morse 4.30 Midsomer Murders 6.30 Meridian News; Weather 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 The Royal Last ever episode of the medical drama. Aisling’s adoption is made official. Dr Ormerod opens a can of worms when he attends to the problems of a rough local family - and when violence spills onto the wards he is caught in the crossfire. Jiggins!

8.00 Born To Shine Natasha Kaplinksy hosts the series in which celebrities attempt to learn a brand new skill, mentored by a host of talented children. This week, Irish comedian Jason Byrne learns to Irish dance, TV personality Joe Swash is taught to beatbox and actress TracyAnn Oberman learns to play the guitar and sing a chart-topping folk song. Out of interest, which chart?

9.00 Law & Order: UK See highlights.

10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 FILM: The Kingdom (2007) Starring Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman.

Action thriller. When terrorists attack a US housing compound in Saudi Arabia, an FBI agent leads a team to investigate. However, when diplomacy prevents the team from taking any action, they team up with a rogue Saudi agent to find the extremists and deliver justice.

12.15am The Zone 2.00 Motorsport UK 2.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

Channel 4

6.05 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present... Stephen Miller 8.05 Friends 8.25 Friends 8.55 Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2: T4 Premiere Special 9.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.00pm Ibiza Rocks With XBox Connect 12.20 T4 On The Beach: Buried Treasures 1.20 The Simpsons 1.55 The Simpsons 2.25 Undercover Boss 3.25 Help! My House Is Falling Down 4.30 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present... Ellie Simmonds 4.35 FILM: The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008) 6.25 Channel 4 News 6.55 4thought.tv 7.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Poperty experts Jonnie and Jasmine help people trying to decide whether to buy property in the UK or abroad. Sharon and Iain have £350,000 to spend on a holiday home, but must first decide whether they would prefer a move to Cornwall or the Languedoc region of France.

8.00 Holiday Hijack Ali and her father Graham, along with their fiancees Stuart and Sally, get a humbling glimpse of the behind-the-scenes work done by Maldive Islanders.

9.00 FILM: Juno (2007) Starring Ellen Page, Michael Cera, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, Allison Janney and JK Simmons. Comedy drama about an offbeat highschool student who accidentally falls pregnant. Faced with the tough decision over what to do about her unborn child, Juno decides to enter the adoption process.

10.50 FILM: Under Siege (1992) Starring Steven Seagal, Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Busey, Erika Eleniak.

Action-packed seagoing adventure in which nuclear terrorists are faced down by a heroic loner.

12.50am Stand Up For The Week 1.40 FILM: The Pawnbroker (1965) 3.30 The Crucified Soldier 4.25 Hill Street Blues 5.15 One Tree Hill

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Little Princess 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.40 Rupert Bear 8.55 Olivia 9.10 The Mr. Men Show 9.25 Milkshake! Monkey 9.30 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 How Do They Do It? 10.30 Police Interceptors 11.30 One Year To Go: Building Stratford 12.30pm FILM: Beyond The Poseidon Adventure (1979) 2.45 FILM: The Last Starfighter (1984) 4.40 FILM: The Karate Kid Part II (1986)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football’s Greatest 7.00 International Cricket 9.00 Cricket Writers On TV 10.30 LIVE International Cricket 7.00pm Ashes Memories: Tortoise & The Hare – Sydney 1991 7.30 Ashes Memories: Box Office Boxing Day 8.00 International Cricket 10.00 Ashes Memories – Edgbaston 1997 10.30 Ashes Memories: Waugh Time 11.00 International Cricket 1.00am Dublin Super Cup 3.00 Ashes Memories: Box Office Boxing Day 3.30 Ashes Memories: Waugh Time 4.00 International Cricket

6.55 5 News 7.00 Cricket: England V India Mark Nicholas presents highlights from Trent Bridge of the second of England’s four-match Test series against India.

8.00 Cowboy Builders Dom Littlewood and Melinda Messenger track down the UK’s most terrible tradesmen and put right their botched jobs. Good on them!

9.00 FILM: xXx (2002) Starring Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, Asia Argento, Marton Csokas. High-octane action thriller in which an extreme sports junkie is blackmailed by the CIA into taking on a highly dangerous mission to Prague in order to thwart the plans of a group of Russian extremists. The reluctant hero soon finds himself with the safety of the USA in his hands – and a complicated romance on the horizon.

11.25 FILM: Linewatch (2008) Starring Cuba Gooding Jr, Omari Hardwick, Sharon Leal. Thriller about a man working on the US-Mexico border. Respected by his peers at US Border Patrol and loved by his family, Michael Dixon’s world is suddenly threatened by secrets from his past.

1.10am SuperCasino 4.05 The Family Recipe 4.10 The Great Artists 4.35 Divine Designs 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Racemax 7.00 Tri-Nations Rugby Union 8.00 Premier League Asia Trophy 9.00 Dublin Super Cup 10.00 Grand Prix Speedway 1.00pm Football’s Greatest 1.30 LIVE Football: Dublin Super Cup 4.00 LIVE Football: Dublin Super Cup 7.00 Football’s Greatest 7.30 Road To London 8.00 Dublin Super Cup 10.00 This Week In WWE 10.30 WWE: Late Night Afterburn 11.30 WWE: Vintage Collection 12.30am Wild Spirits 1.00 Racemax 2.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am World Cup Of Pool 7.00 Road To London 7.30 This Week In WWE 8.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 9.00 WWE: Afterburn 10.00 Tri-Nations Rugby Union 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf 5.00 Wild Spirits 5.30 Cycling Sports World 6.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 11.00 US Seniors Tour Golf 1.00am European Tour Golf 3.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

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Film4

10.00am WWE: Superstars 11.00 WWE: Experience 12.00pm UK Border Force 1.00 Lie To Me 2.00 The Simpsons (x4) 4.00 Modern Family 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Diversity Live: The Diversitoys Tour 6.00 The Glee Project 7.00 Hawaii Five-0 (x6) 1.00am Threshold 1.50 Ross Kemp: In Search Of Pirates (x2)

7.00pm Formula 1: The Hungarian Grand Prix 8.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.00 White Van Man (x2)10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 American Dad! (x2) 11.30 World’s Craziest Fools 12.00am White Van Man (x2) 1.00 Geordie Finishing School For Girls 2.00 Kellie: The Girl Who Played With Fire

7.00pm Sahara With Michael Palin 8.00 FILM: The Prince And The Showgirl (1957). See highlights. 10.00 FILM: Let’s Talk About The Rain (2008) 11.35 The Rattigan Enigma By Benedict Cumberbatch 12.35am Coldplay At Glastonbury 2011 1.35 Mumford & Sons At Glastonbury 2011

8.10am Emmerdale Omnibus 11.10 Coronation Street Omnibus 1.35pm The Corrie Years 2.10 America’s Got Talent 5.00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 5.30 71 Degrees North 6.30 FILM: The Mummy Returns (2001) 9.00 Peter Andre: Here 2 Help 10.00 FILM: Ocean’s Thirteen (2007) 12.30am ITunes Festival 2011

1.05pm The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 2.15 Goodbye Mr Chips 4.15 FILM: Carry On Jack (1963) 6.10 FILM: Mr Bean’s Holiday (2007) 7.55 The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 FILM: Murder In The First (1995) 11.30 FILM: Amazing Grace (2006) 1.50am The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes

12.20pm Supernanny US (x2) 2.00 Supersize vs Superskinny 3.00 Beauty And The Geek 3.55 FILM: Romancing The Stone (1984) 6.00 Friends (x2)7.00 Smallville 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Rude Tube 10.00 FILM: Scary Movie (2000) 11.45 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.30am How I Met Your Mother 1.00 Glory Daze

1.15pm Coach Trip (x5) 4.05 Baking Mad With Eric Lanlard 4.35 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.30 The TV Book Club 8.00 River Cottage Every Day 9.00 Grand Designs Australia 10.00 My Monkey Baby 11.00 Spaced 11.30 Black Books 12.00am The IT Crowd 12.30 Curb Your Enthusiasm

11.00am The Good Die Young (1954) 12.55pm M Night Shyamalan’s Secrets Of Cinema 1.00 Big (1988) 3.00 D-Day The Sixth Of June (1956) 5.05 Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989) 7.15 California Man (1992) 9.00 Mission: Impossible III (2006) 11.20 This Boy’s Life (1993) 1.35am Tokyo Sonata (2008) 4.05 Close

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Exclusive footage of the 2011 Naked Bike Ride in Brighton – worth more than a glimpse

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monday 1 august Show Me The Funny ITV1, 9pm Eight comics remain in this knockout comedy competition, this week with one of the hardest audiences they’ll ever face – teenagers! The prize they’re battling for is £100,000, their own DVD and a headline national tour, and this’ll help get the fans along for that fab tour thingy. Pick a favourite and heckle the others.

Mock The Week BBC2, 10pm It’s all topical so we haven’t a clue what Dara and his pals will be covering, but you can bet your bottom dollar it’ll be funny, thought-provoking and uncover at least one fact about the week you never knew. Mixing stand-up with brand new gags (well, they’ve got to be – it’s the news!), check out the show.

Jeeves And Wooster ITV3, 7.50pm Isn’t it all a jolly jape? What ho!

Based on the classic stories of PG Wodehouse, Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry play faster and looser than pillions of PC comedy really should when Bertie’s fellow Drones all arrive as black-faced minstrels. Did people really do this? Apparently for a wheeze and to persecute policemen, yes.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Saints And Scroungers 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Only Fools And Horses 3.05 Copycats 3.35 Me And My Monsters 4.00 Dick & Dom Go Wild 4.30 Horrible Histories 4.55 Deadly 60 Bites 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Fake Britain Dominic Littlewood reveals the story of the secret consignment of fake oil drilling parts tracked down by trading standards officers in Peterborough.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders An isolated Roxy resorts to drastic measures when Phil continues to muscle her out of R&R. 8.30 Dying For A Drink – Panorama Current affairs documentary. Victoria is 35 and critically ill after a decade of heavy drinking. 45-year-old Matthew was so sick from his alcohol abuse he needed a new liver. Brian, at 32, drank so much that he ended up living in a cave. Panorama uncovers the impact alcohol is having on a new and younger generation.

9.00 New Tricks Drama series.

The UCOS team reinvestigate a hit and run that left a cycle courier with a serious brain injury.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 A Question Of Sport Longrunning sports quiz. No pun.

11.05 The Celebrity Apprentice USA Donald Trump gets mean.

12.30am Weatherview 12.35 Sign Zone: A History Of Celtic Britain 1.35 Animal 24:7 2.20 SIsland Parish 2.50 Antiques Road Trip 3.35 BBC News

BBC2

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 8.30 LazyTown 8.55 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 9.05 The Koala Brothers 9.15 Driver Dan’s Story Train 9.35 Chuggington 9.45 Mr Bloom’s Nursery 10.05 Gigglebiz 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 FILM: Whistle Down The Wind (1961) 1.15pm Diagnosis Murder 2.00 Wanted Down Under 3.00 The Weakest Link 3.45 Antiques Road Trip 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Celebrity Eggheads A team of celebrity challengers takes on arguably the greatest quiz team evah.

7.00 Victorian Pharmacy Historical observational documentary series in which historian Ruth Goodman, Professor Nick Barber and PhD student Tom Quick recreate an authentic 19th-century pharmacy.

7.30 Wonderstuff The second episode investigates some of the natural wonderstuffs in our household cleaners.

8.00 University Challenge The students from Homerton College, Cambridge do battle with the team representing Balliol College, Oxford for a place in the next stage.

8.30 Antiques Master Antiques Master. Old teacher perhaps?

9.00 Natural World Biologist Joe Hutto was mother to the strangest family in the world, 13 endangered wild turkeys that he raised from egg to the day they left home. Told as a drama documentary with an actor recreating the remarkable scenes of Joe’s life as a turkey mum.

10.00 Mock The Week See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 Torchwood Science-fiction drama with John Barrwman.

12.15am The Tudors 1.05 BBC News

ITV1

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News and Weather 2.00 Auction Party 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Chase

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Leyla cannot face losing Jacob – but just how far will she go to keep him?

7.30 Coronation Street David confronts Kylie and is shocked by her reply. Will Amber be caught sneaking home the morning after?

8.00 Countrywise Kitchen Food and cookery series with Paul Heiney and chef Mike Robinson. In this episode, the show is in Hampshire on the banks of the River Test, where Mike tries a spot of fly-fishing to catch trout for a riverbank feast.

8.30 Coronation Street Becky’s celebration is short-lived as Kylie and David deliver some crushing news.

Amber shocks Dev and Sunita with the truth. Chris’s strange behaviour leaves Owen frustrated.

9.00 Show Me The Funny See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Out Of Sight (1998) Starring George Clooney, Jennifer Lopez, Ving Rhames, Dennis Farina.

Crime drama mixing romance and comedy. While escaping from prison, a charming bank robber briefly takes a federal marshal hostage and in that short time, they fall in love.

12.45am The Zone 2.50 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime 3.40 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.00am The Hoobs 6.25 Freshly Squeezed 6.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.20 According To Jim 7.45 Friends 8.15 Friends 8.45 90210 9.40 N-Dubz’ Postcard From T4 On The Beach In Association With Rimmel London 9.55 Made In Chelsea 11.00 Friends 11.30 Friends 12.00pm News 12.05 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 1.05 FILM: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953) 2.55 Celebrity Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (x2) 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: Hall Of Fame 5.00 Celebrity Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (x2) 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Brendan is surprised when his ex-wife Eileen shows up.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present... Mandip Sehmi 2012 8.00 The Secret Life Of Buildings Critic Tom Dyckhoff examines how architecture affects us at home, work and play and how buildings can profoundly impact on our behaviour, feelings and identity.

9.00 Embarrassing Fat Bodies Doctors Christian Jessen, Dawn Harper and Pixie McKenna catch up with obese patients they previously assisted.

10.00 Sirens Sitcom about an accident and emergency team working in Leeds. Stuart is deeply affected when he is confronted with a life and death situation.

11.05 Coming Up: Food Original drama. In the near future, a catastrophic food crisis has led to the collapse of British society and the rise of extremism. Golly!

11.35 4thought.tv 11.40 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night Comedy quiz with Chris Moyles and celebrity guests Stacey Solomon, Chris Tarrant and Jimmy Carr.

12.30am MUSIC ON 4: Exit Festival 1.15 FILM: Infernal Affairs 3 (2003) 3.15 Hill Street Blues 4.05 One Tree Hill 4.55 Cookery School 5.50 The Treacle People

Channel Five

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Roary The Racing Car 8.35 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.50 Olivia 9.00 Little Princess 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.15 The Wright Stuff Extra With Gabby Logan 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ice Road Truckers 1.15 Monkey Life 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: NY 3.15 Chinese Food In Minutes 3.20 FILM: McBride: Fallen Idol (2006) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Meerkat Manor Wildlife documentary series.

6.25 OK! TV Kate Walsh and Matt Johnson present a lively mix.

6.55 5 News At 7 7.00 Cricket: England V India Highlights from Trent Bridge of the second of England’s four-match Test series against India.

8.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in south Yorkshire.

9.00 FILM: The Ninth Gate (1999) Starring Johnny Depp, Frank Langella, Lena Olin, Emmanuelle Seigner.

Supernatural thriller about a sleazy book dealer endeavouring to locate a rare occult work. The dealer is hired by a wealthy bibliophile to locate the two remaining copies of a 17th-century book entitled The Nine Gates To The Kingdom Of Shadows. As he travels from New York to Madrid and Paris, he learns that the book is rumoured to have been written by the Devil – and to contain the key to conjuring him up.

11.45 FILM: Frankenstein (2004) Starring Parker Posey, Vincent Perez, Thomas Kretschmann and Adam Goldberg. Visually impressive take on a classic horror story.

1.25am SuperCasino 4.05 The Family Recipe 4.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (x2) 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 The Sky Sports Years 10.00 Football’s Greatest 10.30 LIVE International Cricket 7.00pm Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 Football’s Greatest 8.00 International Cricket 10.00 Dutch International Masters 11.00 SPL Round-Up 11.30 The Sky Sports Years 12.30am International Cricket 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 Watersports World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Surf 7.00 International Cricket 9.00 PGA Tour Golf 2.00pm US Seniors Tour Golf 4.00 European Tour Golf 6.00 P1 Superstock Powerboating 6.30 Wild Spirits 7.00 Absolute Match Fishing 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All – The Tries 11.00 Elite League Speedway 1.00am NASCAR Sprint Cup Series 2.00 Equestrianism 3.00 Boots ‘n’ All – The Tries 4.00 P1 Superstock Powerboating 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Dublin Super Cup 9.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 9.30 Super League 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm The Sky Sports Years 1.00 Dublin Super Cup 3.00 Super League 4.30 This Week In WWE 5.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series 8.00 Spruce Meadows 9.00 Kings Of The Surf 10.00 WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE: Late Night Afterburn 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 2.00 WWE: Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

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Film4

2.00pm Sun, Sea And A & E 3.00 A League Of Their Own 3.30 Oops TV 4.00 Modern Family 4.30 The Middle 5.00 Raising Hope 5.30 Futurama 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Road Wars 9.00 Cop Squad 10.00 Spartacus 11.15 Wall Of Fame 11.45 Miami SWAT (x2) 1.45am Stargate Universe (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.55 Great Movie Mistakes 2: The Sequel 8.00 Snog Marry Avoid? 8.30 Underage And Pregnant 9.00 Small Teen, Bigger World 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 World’s Craziest Fools 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Gary: Tank Commander 12.15am Small Teen, Bigger World

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Only Connect 8.00 Camera That Changed The World 9.00 Great Thinkers: In Their Own Words 10.00 Hawking 11.30 Horizon 12.30am Lost Horizons: The Big Bang 1.30 Only Connect 2.00 Camera That Changed The World 3.00 Great Thinkers: In Their Own Words

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 Born To Shine 8.00 The Xtra Factor: Best & Worst 2010 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA 10.00 FILM: Deep Blue Sea (1999) 12.10am Coronation Street

2.00pm On The Buses (x2) 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.35 Heartbeat 6.40 George And Mildred 7.10 Terry And June 7.50 Jeeves And Wooster. See highlights. 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 Murder In Suburbia 11.05 Cracker (x2) 1.15am ITV3 Nightscreen

12.10pm Heartland 1.10 Smallville 2.00 Hollyoaks 2.30 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Samantha Who? 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 One Tree Hill 10.00 Dirty Sexy Things 11.00 Balls Of Steel Australia (x2) 12.10am My Name Is Earl

3.05pm The Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs Revisited 9.00 The Hotel 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.00 The Daily Show 11.30 Unreported World 12.00am The Hotel

11.00am Dark Command (1940) 12.50pm The Fighting Seabees (1944) 2.55 The Men (1950) 4.40 Tristan + Isolde (2006) 7.00 The First Wives Club (1996) 9.00 Blade: Trinity (2004) 11.10 Bad News Bears (2005) 1.20am A Scanner Darkly (2006) 3.30 Close

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