Latest 7: No. 533

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

Ontheair!

H jobs H news H food H listing

tv guide H

Simon Kirby MP launches a new campaign for a local TV station on terrestrial television. Read the story in Latest News, p8

thelatest.tv

5 – 11 July 2011

FREE WEEKLY

Talent on tap They’re Singin’ In The Rain at Chichester Festival Theatre this summer page 15

EDDIE IZZARD On speaking French & gearing up for Laughs In The Parks WIN! Soundwaves & Standon Calling festival tickets GREAT TASTES The Glynde Food & English Wine Festival

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003_LS533 contents _Contents 01/07/2011 14:57 Page 1

2011

CONTENTS >on paper brighton’s magazine

NEWS & COMMENT 04 Latest People TAKEPART Festival of sport, Saucony Stanmer 5, Lets Go French Experience, Queenspark Books 07 News; Latest Inbox Elton John, tribute to city greengrocer, new awards, and Council leader Bill Randall on sports in the city 09 Sport Andrea Fox tries out Zumba 09 Geeks On Wheels The Google+ social network to rival Facebook 10 Bare Cheek What’s not on; logical joke corner; things we used to say 10 Mad Matt Matt Whistler acts his socks off 11 City Speak Ruby packs her bags for Borneo; Tasha is addicted to The Sims; Will ponders over Pride 12 Snapshots Cllrs Geoffrey and Carol Theobald 12 Competitions Standon Calling and Soundwaves festival tickets 13 Celebcity Elton John, Peter Andre, Made In Chelsea girls, Toploader

5–11 JULY

>online

>on tv

thelatest.co.uk

thelatest.tv

Matt Whistler has been settling into his weekly challenges set by you – the reader. Some have been new World Records; others have been just ridiculous but fun. Visit our Facebook page to suggest Matt’s next challenge, the results of which will be printed here in Latest 7.

In a band? Submit your tracks to the Latest Brighton Download Chart today!

Read news and features from across Sussex and see what’s going on in Brighton from theatre and comedy to music and art. It’s online now at www.thelatest.co.uk/7

Brighton Lights

14

L7 INTERVIEW 14 Eddie Izzard talks to Victoria Nangle about bi-lingual swearing as he gears up for Laughs In The Park

AOH TV specials

LIFESTYLE

Take a tour with us around the Artists Open Houses and meet some of the artists involved. Watch our programmes at: thelatest.tv

06 Brighton Beer Festival The countdown is on!

15 Cover feature: Chichester Festival Theatre Iconic scenes as Singin’ In The Rain comes to Chichester 16 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink Glynde festival, The Green Mango and Ten Green Bottles 21 Health Hypnotherapy for weight loss

WHAT’S ON

Comedy, music or clubs?

22 Reviews & bookings Cyndi Lauper, Michael Ball, Calendar Girls and more 23 Latest Brighton Download Chart This week’s Number One is... Panos Christofi 24 Latest Previews Acorn Antiques: The Musical; Brighton Beer Festival; comedian Andrew Lawrence; The Tree Of Life in cinemas 28 Stars; TV Highlights & Listings Weekly horoscopes; ...Mark Watson; 7-day TV listings Chichester Festival Theatre cover image: Manuel Harlan Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Administration Claire Peerless

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Sales Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Natasha Prochaski Creative Director Andrew Kay

www.facebook.com/latest7

Production Director Fiona McTernan Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive Entertainment Editor & Production Editor Victoria Nangle

L7

Find out what’s going on in Brighton while you’re on the move with comprehensive listings straight to your mobile phone

m.thelatest.co.uk Editor Zara Baker Sub Editors Glyn George Rachel Junior Editorial Assistant Laura Hayward

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Music Listings Nick Aldwinckle Design Anand Day Andrew Wright

Illustrators Lili Bé Paul Lewis Photography Patrick Kneath Diana Frangi

Look out for next week’s bumper kids’ food reviews special

In just a couple of years, Brighton Fashion Week has grown from a single fashion show to a whole week of events. Not just that, but it’s unlike any other fashion week in the world, showcasing some of the most radical and creative contemporary designs, and none more so than Jess Eaton’s ‘Roadkill Couture’.

Having interviewed Jess already, we were excited to see what the collection would be like and I’m sure we weren’t the only ones. The controversial title had provoked a lot of interest.

Would it really feature squashed animals?

As it turned out it was both breathtaking and tasteful with a real message – a million miles from Lady Gaga’s meat dress.

Our Brighton Lights Brighton Fashion Week special features this and more, with coverage of the whole week’s events and exclusive interviews with Jess Eaton and director of Brighton Fashion Week, Lizzy Bishop. Tune in to Latest TV to see for yourself.

Jenni Davidson, Latest TV

Watch our shows at www.thelatest.tv If you want to be involved with Latest TV come along to our open meetings every Monday at Latest Musicbar, 5.30pm.

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01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

HHHHHH Out on 12 July.

Don’t miss it!

HHHHHH

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

004_005_LS533_latest people_Social Diary 01/07/2011 15:19 Page 2

04

latest brighton the digital capital of europe

LATEST PEOPLE

latestPEOPLE

TAKEPART Festival, Saucony Stanmer 5, Lets Go French Experience, & a special event for QueenSpark Books

Sport for all TAKEPART 2011 is the biggest celebration of sport and physical activity in the country. Launched in Preston Park the festival runs until 10 July. There were 15 TAKEPART zones to choose from containing a huge variety of activities and games.

Whatever your interest, age or experience, TAKEPART has something for everyone. The festival has the support of many sporting athletes and members of the local community.

Details of all the events can be found at www.takepartbrightonandhove.com Photos: Patrick Kneath

Duncan Goodhew (ambassador for TAKEPART), Andy Shaddick (Southern Water), Mayor of Brighton & Hove Councillor Anne Meadows

Bill Randall (leader of Brighton & Hove City Council)

BUPA Health & Wellbeing Zone – one of the official sponsors

xxx Main Tent Sophia Warner (ambassador for TAKEPART, T35 Paralympian, Bronze 100m & Silver 200m, Christchurch 2011)

Co-Operative Membership and Eat Well Zone – ‘Move ’n’ Smooth’

Literature royalty

A taste of France

Lets Go, the independent property agent in the High Street, Rottingdean, held their inaugrual 'French Experience' Property Event at Bistro Gourmand, Laureens Walk, Rottingdean, on 26 June. There were presentations from French property agents, Martin and Faye Crump, throughout the day offering information on living, working and buying properties in France.

For more information email; frenchexperience@letsgoproperty.co.uk or call 01273 303622 Photos: Patrick Kneath

Duncan Goodhew with his Gold medal from the 1980 Moscow Olympics

Andy Shaddick (Southern Water), Mayor of Brighton & Hove Councillor Anne Meadows

Denise Whittington (director, Lets Go), Franck Thomeret (Bistro Gourmand), Lisa Bate (Lets Go), Martin & Faye Crump (French Property Agents), Bob Whittington (Lets Go)

QueenSpark Books held a celebration to showcase its new patrons at the Mayor’s Parlour on Thursday 29 June.

QueenSpark Books, which celebrates its 40th anniversary in 2012 as the longest community run book publisher in the country, introduced its new patrons: authors Virginia Nicholson and Imogen Lycett Green and The Guardian columnist Roy Greenslade. The event was hosted by Brighton Mayor Cllr Anne Meadows. www.queensparkbooks.org.uk Photos:Diana Frangi

Andrew Kay (creative director, Latest Magazines), Nicola Benge (Management Commitee member, QueenSpark)

Bistro Gourmand, Laureens Walk, Nevill Road, Rottingdean

Grace Robertson(photographer) Dorothy Sheridan (Sussex University Mass Observation Archive and Commitee member Queen Spark)

Martin & Faye Crump with prospective buyers

Simon Nelms (Thistle Hotel sales manager), David Sewell (Pavilion Gardens Café), Melite Dennett (chair QueenSpark)

John Riches (Development Director), Mayor Anne Meadows, Sarah Hutchins (Creative Marketing Director), Imogen Lycett Green (patron)

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Five by five The Stanmer 5 is a challenging elite race sponsored by Saucony, and is an exciting addition to the Brighton and Hove sports calendar. Created by the Grounded Events Company – organisers of the Brighton Marathon – the Saucony Stanmer 5 brought together some of the country’s best athletes on Sunday 26 June 2011 at Stanmer Park, Brighton.

The elite events were won by Mansfield’s Luke Cragg who claimed the inaugural Stanmer Park 5-miles in 24 minutes, 11 seconds, while Hillingdon’s Julia Bleasdale took top spot in the women’s race with 27 minutes, 11 seconds, placing her second on the season’s UK rankings.

Other races ranged from an open 8km trail run to a 1km run for families and a series of age-graded 2km races for children. Presentations were made

by Richard Nerurkar MBE (he was fifth in the Olympic Marathon in 1996 and had a best time for the marathon of 2 hours, 8 minutess).

All the results can be found at www.stanmerparkraces.co.uk /results.html Photos: Patrick Kneath

U15 Boys, 1st 666 Billy White, 2nd 663 Samuel Kitchen, 3rd 670 Samura Kamar, Richard Nerurkar MBE

LATEST PEOPLE Richard Nerurkar MBE, Julia Bleasdale (1st, Women’s Elite Race),

Richard Nerurkar MBE, Charlton Rudwick (8k Trail Winner)

Boys U11, 1st 508 Alfie Cubberley, 2nd 503 Max Brazier, 3rd 538 Matthew Redfern, with Richard Nerurkar MBE

U13 Boys, 1st 601 Archie Davis, 2nd 614 Matthew Boxall, 3rd 615 Harry Lyne with Richard Nerurkar MBE

U13 Girls, 1st 571 Nancy Jones, 2nd 577 Charlotte Matthews, 3rd 583 Chloe Watson, with Richard Nerurkar MBE

Girls U11, 1st 803 Almi Nerurkar, 2nd 470 Louisa Saunders, 3rd 475 Mia Whitaker-Jones

Rebecca, Bev, Lisa, Beaks, Sally, Thameda

05

U15 Girls, 1st 641 Holly Beaton, 2nd 642 Phoebe Connoll, Richard Nerurkar MBE

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06 THE BRIGHTON BEER FESTIVAL

Come and get it Tickets are going fast if you want the best VIP seats at The Brighton Beer Festival

W

ith just over a week to go, Brighton is gearing up for its brand new all singing, all dancing seafront festival The Brighton Beer Festival 2011. This event is going to be a heady mix of great bands, delicious food and, of course, the real stars – hundreds of real ales, ciders and lagers to sample.

Punters will also get to try brand new wines from Harveys and a brand new, very cool offering from Mixology Group and Marblehead brands called Kraken Black spiced Rum along with Zubrowka Bison Grass vodka, which they will be mixing into delicious cocktails at their very funky beach bar. Lucky ticket holders will also get to sample the ambrosial Brighton blonde beer brewed by up and coming local brewery WJ King, which was taken over last year by Nigel and Orla Lambe, a super duo who have transformed the brewery into a formidable player in the market. With tickets only £10 in advance and £12 on the door, Brighton’s going out crowd are truly in for a treat.

But this event is more than just a great day out for the public. The great and good of Brighton’s bar, restaurant, hotel and pub world also have the opportunity to benefit from the two free entry trade afternoons aimed specifically at providing a forum for networking, building contacts, trying new products and generally putting trade buyers in touch with suppliers. Director Steph Harding says: “We really wanted to transform the format where the trade meets each other into a cutting edge place to do business while still providing a fun relaxed environment. It’s really easy to come down. Just register on the website and bring your business card down and come see what’s going on”.

Debs Lewis of Grey Cell Events, which is co-ordinating VIP tickets, concurs: “There’s really something for everyone at this event and its amazing value – we’re selling VIP tickets like hotcakes to parties, local businesses and quite a few celebs and stars”. The £50 tickets include free drink tokens, gourmet buffet provided by award winning local restaurant Due South, reserved seating, great sea and stage views and a private VIP bar. So if you want to take advantage of the few remaining – better grab them quick! So there you have it... Our advice to you – get your ticket quick before they go!

The Brighton Beer Festival.

14–17 July, The Old Paddling Pool, Brighton Seafront. www.beerfestbrighton.co.uk

007_LS533_newsphilmills_Council_editorial 01/07/2011 09:53 Page 3

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LATEST NEWS 07

7

Pic: Stephen Lawrence

L7 News days of headlines with Phil Mills

Elton John, animal cruelty, new sport awards, children pay tribute to local greengrocer

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nimal welfare took the lion’s share of the headlines with bans on circus wild animals and the rescue of a dog from a beating in a Brighton street.

Hove and Portslade MP Mike Weatherley posed with furry animals as he pledged his support for a government ban in the shortest possible time-frame for wild animals in circuses.

Meanwhile, cruelty to pets continues: a man had his dog seized

by Animal Welfare Officers after witnesses saw him kicking and punching it in St James’s Street.

Shocked onlookers said the dog, Argo, a seven-year-old Belgian shepherd, had a lead wrapped around its mouth and was being attacked by his Italian owner.

Passersby intervened and police were called. The owner agreed to hand Argo over to city animal welfare officers. They are now rehousing the animal.

In the courts, a man has been sentenced to 12 months imprisonment for nine offences of making indecent images of children. Donald Smallwood, 77, pleaded guilty.

Detective Inspector Ali Eaton said: “For every indecent image of a child online there is a victim. In downloading these images, including at the highest level of indecency, Smallwood has actively played a part in perpetuating the abuse and exploitation of children.”

Meanwhile, another 12-month sentence was handed down to Anthony Povey, 39, from Bramber, for internet indecent image offences. He also pleaded guilty.

Two bodies were recovered from the sea off Brighton. Neither case is being treated as a crime and the deaths are not connected.

Meanwhile, do you know a person or a club or group in Brighton and Hove who deserves recognition for their efforts in sport and physical activity? You can now celebrate their achievements by nominating them for this year’s City Sport & Physical Activity Awards.

The awards pay tribute to those who are helping to make a difference to local community sport or representing the city regionally, nationally and internationally. They are organised

by Brighton & Hove City Council’s sports development team.

This year there are 10 award categories: Coach of the Year, Special Contribution Award, Sport/PE Teacher of the Year, Sport School of the Year, Sports Personality of the Year, Young Sports Personality of the Year.

TAKEPART Club of the Year, Team of the Year, Volunteer of the Year,

Brighton & Hove City Council leader Bill Randall on the TAKEPART Festival

S

aturday 25 June saw the 2011 TAKEPART Festival Launch Day – a celebration of community sport Brighton & Hove. I was delighted to see over 10,000 residents come down to Preston Park to participate in the free events despite the grey skies.

It heralded the start of an exciting fortnightlong programme comprising over 200 different activities and events. Activities spanning the fortnight include taster sessions for residents considering giving a new activity a try, building relationships between community clubs and local schools, and an Older People’s Olympics day. The wide programme of events shows

Active for Life Participation Award.

Closing date is 12 September.

To make a nomination, go to www.brighton-hove.gov.uk /citysportsawards.

Children dressed in fruit and veg costumes to celebrate the life of greengrocer Tony Magdi. Toni, of Portland Road, died at the age of 52 after he was attacked by a cyclist.

Tony was known for his generosity to his customers and his kindness to children, having lost his own two children to spinal muscular atrophy.

Brighton and Hove Mayor Councillor Anne Meadows unveiled a commemorative olive tree at the corner of Portland Road and Westbourne Gardens.

Lastly, Elton John rocked the socks off the thousands who turned out at Hove Cricket Ground and while there were complaints about the organisation, his performance proved there’s no sign of the sun going down on 64-year-old Captain Fantastic.

Did you see Elton John in Hove?

comment@thelatest.co.uk follow me on twitter

what sport can offer and highlights the vast range of opportunities across the many clubs and facilities in Brighton and Hove.

Helping our residents keep fit and healthy is a key challenge for the council for many reasons. Recent figures suggest that only 15 per cent of adult residents take the recommended amount of exercise of 30 minutes per day, five days a week.

Matching people to activities that are right for them will help our residents’ physical and mental well-being. Showing off what is already on offer will help beat childhood obesity and inactivity among our older residents.

The city hosts a very successful football team and cricket club, but sport also unites local communities. For example, on Friday the Hangleton and Knoll Project opened a new

latest inbox comment@thelatest.co.uk Adventure Unlimited Brighton’s only climbing wall, the Rock Court, has opened its new bouldering wall. The addition is thanks to a grant from The Clothworkers’ Foundation and the hard work of volunteers.

Lots of people who attend the climbing wall have already had a chance to try it out and everyone is saying they love it!

Rock Court Manager, Chris Smith, is really grateful to all of the people who have helped build the wall and raise the funds for materials.

We are a local children’s charity providing unique lifechanging experiences for disadvantaged children and young people. The Rock Court is based at Stanley Deason Leisure Centre and is open to all ages and abilities.

Em Cooper, Director, Adventure Unlimited, via email RE: Life Begins At 70 Hello. Well, I’m not quite 70 yet (67), but enjoyed reading your article and would like to know if the over 70 crowd in Brighton might be into creating a bit of fun through alternative theatre and dance? My father ballroom danced until he was 85 so I know there’s a lot of life left in us at this sublime juncture. Many blessings, Merlin Merlin Taliesin, via email You can also write to Letters, Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton, BN1 4GH

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football court in Knoll Park named after the late councillor David Smart, a much-respected local ward councillor. Notably it was built with £50,000 of money raised by local young people. The outstanding success of this project shows how residents and groups can benefit from the opportunities sport.

We already have a fantastic reputation for cultural excellence and I would hope we can earn a similar reputation for our commitment to sport.

TAKEPART is managed through a partnership between Brighton & Hove City Council’s Sport Development Team, Brighton & Hove School Sports Partnership and Brighton & Hove NHS and other local partners. It runs until 10 July. www.takepartbrightonandhove.com

008_LS533_Marina/College News_editorial 01/07/2011 15:45 Page 2

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08 LATEST NEWS

Pic: Patrick Kneath

Latest TV’s Angi Mariani interviews Brighton & Hove Albion manager Gus Poyet

Simon Kirby MP

Made in Brighton

Plans for a local TV station move forward as Simon Kirby MP seeks constituents’ views

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local TV station is a step closer to becoming reality this week as Simon Kirby, MP for Brighton Kemptown and Peacehaven, launches a campaign for a TV station for Brighton and Hove.

As part of this campaign he is urging his constituents to let him have their views.

The Coalition Government’s policy is to encourage towns and cities that are interested to bid for their own local TV channel. Brighton is considered a strong contender for its own TV station as it has a population of approximately 250,000 people, a

thriving creative sector, is close to London, and has a very diverse and cosmopolitan population.

Mr Kirby said: “Brighton is the ideal place for a local TV station. I find it bizarre that my constituents tell me that often the news is about Southampton or Maidstone! I am asking my constituents to let me know if they would like a local TV station, which will be not only Brighton based, but contain content from Brighton, and should feature the lively nature of our city.

“I am asking constituents to fill in a survey online, and I have also written

to constituents who have previously been in contact with me to send me their views. Constituents can also write to me at the House of Commons, London, SW1A 0AA.” Bill Smith, MD of Latest Magazines and Latest TV is in the running to get a Brighton and Hove based station on terrestrial TV. Bill Smith said: “As most of you will know, Latest TV has been broadcasting on the web for a year and has made an official expression of interest to Jeremy Hunt, the Minister of Culture, to Pic: Diana Frangi be allowed to broadcast on terrestrial television – the TV in your front room – just as BBC or ITV or Channel 4 do.

“Recently, Jeremy Hunt announced that he may favour granting licences to 10 or 20 places to start broadcasting. Brighton should be one of these. We ask you to fill in Simon Kirby’s survey so we can make this happen.

“We have great festivals, great radio stations, great print media and great performers. It’s time for our own television station and studios. If you work as a nurse or a doctor you work in Brighton.If you work in TV you probably have to commute. That's what we want to put right and create great jobs and great programmes in our city.”

Mr Kirby concluded: “This is a great opportunity for Brighton, and an opportunity to unleash its creative spirit.”

L7 NEWS in brief > Reaching out Brighton Dome and Festival celebrated a decade of their outreach work with a special event on Thursday 30 June. The evening was an opportunity to learn about their current Learning, Access and Participation programme. The programme now reaches over 15,000 people each year through partnerships with individuals and organisations in the community and voluntary sector. > Rockumentary MusicDOC11 is a one-day conference devoted to the music documentary genre. Taking place at The Basement, Kensingston Street, on Saturday 9 July, the event will investigate the social impact of rock and pop. The conference is organised by the University Of Sussex and BIMM. www.musicdoc.org.uk > Temptations Visitors to Jubilee Library can now enjoy fresh and locally sourced food and drink in their new drinks and snack bar. The library has teamed up with Temptation to offer this service, which begins this week.

Tiger trail The 2nd Battalion The Princess of Wales’s Royal Regiment marched its way along Kings Road, West Street, North Street and into New Road, Brighton on 22 June and were greeted by the Mayor of Brighton & Hove, Councillor Anne Meadows; Lord Lieutenant of East Sussex, Peter Field; and the Colonel of the Regiment, Brigadier Richard Dennis OBE ADC. Presentation of a silver tiger was made to the Mayor by the Colonel

who in turn received a painting, ‘Silver Tiger In The City’, by local Brighton artist, Bonny Cummins, who was commissioned by the council.

The event also marked Armed Forces Day (27 June), which has been celebrated in Brighton and Hove for the past two years.

Collections were made for the Army Benevolent Fund.

Pics: Patrick Kneath

009_LS533_Geeks/sport_editorial 30/06/2011 12:55 Page 1

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Always picked last Andrea Fox heads to her first Zumba class

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What sport should Andrea try next? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Geeks-on-Wheels Jamie Shaw of Geeks-on-Wheels knows what’s new in computerland Google+ social networking Google has unveiled its Google+ project, a social networking service that looks and functions very much like Facebook. The two internet giants have been increasingly competitive and with this announcement, Google is taking a giant step directly onto Facebook’s business. Google’s new service, which now is only available to a small group of users and invitees, is designed to enable people to post status updates, share links and upload photos. Google faces an uphill battle in taking on Facebook. While the social network has officially said that it has more than 500 million users, other sources recently have reported that the number now is more than 750 million.

Courtesy of Apple

ou don’t have to be very interested in keeping fit to have heard of Zumba, the new dance exercise craze – it’s everywhere! Taking influence from dance classes, the idea behind it is to make exercise more like a party and less like a chore. It started in Columbia over a decade ago but is currently the new keep fit activity de jour with classes springing up all over the place, a range of Zumba CDs and clothing, and even Zumba games for the Wii fit. If Zumba’s not careful, Martine McCutcheon will be advertising it soon.

I’d been meaning to try it out ever since I first heard about it from my mum.

I thought this told me everything I needed “Zumba is a bit to know. An aerobics class for women not wanting to twist or break or pull like Salsa dancing, anything, well, other than maybe the with some modern gym instructor. In the past I’ve left aerobic classes feeling I haven’t worked moves thrown in” hard enough to burn off a Jaffa Cake, never mind a packet. After I’d put it off for long enough I roped two female friends into joining me in a Zumba class at the Ajex Centre near the cricket ground. I figured I can manage dancing, and an aerobics class would be fun rather than taxing.

I’m clearly getting too big for my boots when it comes to this sport and fitness marlarky. In fact, I was so cocky I even went to the gym beforehand.

Well, it’s just a bit of dancing right? Then I changed from my sports trainers into my high-top Converse, whose laces never remain done up for more than the time it takes to put them on and walk out of the house. Like the judging panel laying eyes on Susan Boyle when she first walked into the Britain’s Got Talent auditions, I underestimated Zumba.

I turned up to the 6.30pm class with two friends in tow, neither of whom I was aware had ever done any kind of exercise. They even asked to be referred to as “reluctant” par-takers. We weren’t the only ones who turned up: the class was rammed with around 50 women of different ages. I think it’s the biggest class I’ve ever been a part of.

Federico, our long haired instructor, kicked off the music, and after a gentle song to start we were into the Zumba swing, which is very hot and sweaty swinging that’s a bit like Salsa dancing, with some modern moves thrown in and some silly shimmying to make you (me) giggle.

One of the things that made the class seem more fun were the bursts of applause that seemed to spontaneously burst from the Zumba regulars after every song. By the end of the hour’s class it seemed normal. I joined in with the clapping as much as it was possible to do, but I spent a lot of the gaps between songs doing up my wretched laces while everyone else was grabbing water and catching their breath.

I was throwing myself around a lot during the class, getting the moves wrong, and always having my weight on the wrong foot. Dancing and twisting yourself about for an hour (and doing your laces up) equals a lot more sweating than I’d imagined. The atmosphere was really fun; I’ve clapped less at some theatre shows. The music was a good mix of upbeat remixes of vaguely familiar pop tunes with a house beat and, despite my struggles, the dance moves weren’t too hard to follow.

To my shock and amazement, my reluctant friends are now Zumba converts and went again a week later! And we’ve promised to try and throw some Zumba moves into the mix next time we head to Audio. No-one does Step any more. If you want aerobic excercise, try sexy Zumba instead. www.letsdozumba.com Listen to The Guy & Andrea Breakfast Show on Brighton’s Juice 107.2 every Monday to Friday from 7am

SPORT |GEEKS 09

iPod Touch upgrade?

Rumour control has it that an upgrade is on the way for the iPod Touch, and that could mean the company’s new mobile operating system iOS 5 will run on it. Buried within the code for iOS 5 is a reference to “iPod 4,2”. Given that the current iPod Touch is identified as “iPod 4,1”, this could suggest that Apple’s next media player could be a minor evolutionary upgrade, or this could just be an odd bit of code that means nothing. Apple has already broken its tradition this year by not launching a new iPhone in the summer, as the company has done for the last three years. Rumours suggest that the iPhone 5 will now launch in September, so perhaps Apple will introduce a new iPod Touch at the same time. So far as iOS 5 goes it is supposed to include PC-free setup, Twitter integration, better

notifications and iMessage which lets iOS send text messages without a service plan. It’ll be more of a surprise if Apple doesn’t launch new iPod Touch hardware to take advantage of these features.

World Of Warcraft The online game World Of Warcraft has gone free-to-play for the first 20 levels of a player’s character. The Activision Blizzard game has skirted with a number of promotional mechanisms in the past including ‘resurrection’ trials of lapsed MMOplayers and open free 10- to 14-day trials but the new World Of Warcraft Starter Edition removes any time restriction. With the maximum level currently pegged at 85, level 1 to 20 represents a small slice of the total game world, particularly since most of the content is aimed at the socalled ‘end game’, or players that have already reached level 85.

Despite the seven-year-old game showing its age, World Of Warcraftt continues to be massively successful with the last Catalysm expansion selling 4.7 million copies. The game has collectively more than 11 million subscribers worldwide. Gamers enticed to progress in the aging MMO after level 20 will need to buy the World Of Warcraft ‘Battle Chest’ for £19.99 and the ongoing subscription.

World data consumption An IDC Digital University Study estimates that the world’s total data consumption is growing faster than ‘Moore’s Law’ and will reach 1.8 Zettabytes in 2011. 1.8 Zettabytes is 1.8 trillion gigabytes, a number so large that the EMC sponsored survey knocked out a 21,000 pixel high infographic (massive jpg) to illustrate just how large the number is. Various unusual analogies were made to illustrate the scale of the data such as “Every person in the world having over 215 million highresolution MRI scans per day”. Other less size-related findings were that less than a third of the information in the ‘digital universe’ was security protected at all with around half the information that should be protected, actually having some form of security.

Geeks-on-Wheels Europe Ltd. won the PC Retail Awards 2010 ‘Service and Support’ category – our IT support services really are second to none for consumers and businesses. Try our managed cloud back-up service for small business customers – www.backupservices.geeks-on-wheels.com/ Geeks-on-Wheels Europe support home and small business customers across the south-east of England.

Call free on 0800 107 4111 (outside the M25) or 0800 107 4110 (London – within the M25) to reserve your Geek.

10

ONLY JOKING!

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

WHAT’S (NOT) ON

What we used to say An occasional series in which we struggle to remember the original, simple, once common terms that have been abandoned in favour of overblown, crass, managerial Americanisms.

In & Out SPECIAL “BBC SITCOMS THAT GAVE BBC SITCOMS A BAD NAME” EDITION:

In • Lame Ducks • Mad About Alice • Chalk • The Magnificent Evans • Sitting Pretty

Shows you won’t see at a theatre near you...

WHAT WE SAY NOW: “Exit strategy.”

SLEUTHGORILLA – TIGER PANTS: The kind of hackneyed pratfalls and trouser-drops that would receive a well deserved-critical drubbing were they the work of an ordinary sketch troupe, but, because they are performed by a world-renowned physical theatre group, elicit a collective sigh of ecstasy from the nation’s drama reviewers.

5th–7th July, Brighton Doom, 8.30PM, £15/£12

An exciting new phrase used to describe the means by which one might extricate oneself from a situation which has proved incommodious. “In the event of a dramatic financial downturn, we have, of course, an exit strategy.”

Out

WHAT WE USED TO SAY: “Escape plan.”

• Heartburn Hotel

ANOTHER ONE WOMAN SHOW: The company who brought you A One Woman Show About Sylvia Plath, A One Woman Show About Virginia Woolf, and A One Woman Show About Julie Garland, brings you another one woman show about another woman misunderstood by society. Emily Dickinson possibly.

UGLY PEOPLE: Neil LaBute play in which a misanthropic black academic and his white stepsister’s incestuous tryst in a secluded cabin is interrupted by the arrival of a morbidly-obese gangster and his amputee girlfriend.

9th–12th July, New Courtroom, 8PM, £12/£10 ALBION MARKET – THE MUSICAL: Knowlingly-kitsch adaptation of the 1985 EastEnders rip-off soap opera starring Someone Who Used To Be In Hollyoaks and Someone Who Used To Be In Holby City.

15th–21st July, Theatre Loyal, 8.30PM, £20/£18

JOKE CORNER LOGICAL

8th July, Upstairs At The Three And Eleven, 8PM, £10/£8

Get ready to hold your sides for more rational funnies!

M

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A: A genetic abomination.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: Involuntary impulses.

A: My wife’s just been to the Caribbean.

B: Jamaica?

A: No, The Cayman Islands.

Matt Whistler acts his socks off & gets the part!

Sascha was nowhere to be seen.

The call continued: SC: Are you really Matt Whistler?; MW: “Yes.” SC: “Can you say red-lorry-yellowlorry?” MW “Yes.” SC “Well what’s holding you back?”

MW: “Red-lorry-yellow-lorry-redlorry yellow-lorry.”

SC: “Faster!” MW: Red-yolli-relnorry-yell-lorrer-ned-nolly.”

SC: “Sounds like you need help; stay on the line.”

Dan Aherne: “Hi, my name’s Dan. I can’t explain now, just wait for us at this location and don’t bring any friends or the red Umbro bag gets it.”

Come 3pm, Sascha and Dan arrived and took Matt to a small oddly shaped prayer room with a lawn mower masquerading as an industrial vacuum cleaner and a sink area for cleaning feet.

Having also spotted a plastic Holy washing basket Matt

Summer Wine

Q: How do you titilate an ocelot?

A: With extreme caution.

Mad Matt att received this week’s challenge via a conversation in a newsagents, which led to inner city Chinese whispers and a visit from a homing pigeon before it was revealed in a metal detector on the seafront.

The metal detector told him to go to a phone box at 2pm on Tuesday (21 June) afternoon and wait for a call that Matt remembers being both alarming and confusing: “The phone rang at once and a voice said I that may be recorded for quality and training purposes and that I was being watched,” Matt recalled.

He quickly established that it was Sascha Cooper on the other end after she asked where his famous red hat came from. But after looking around, Matt found

• Come Back Mrs Noah • The River • The Peter Principle • First Of The

8

THE APARTMENT: Yes, it’s another classic film pointlessly adapted for the stage, and done less well, with less-good actors, all in the hope that a few people who halfremember it will be dragged down the theatre to see an underwhelming actor in the main role. Special West End preview.

7th–9th July, Theatre Loyal, 8.30PM, £18/£15

8

010_LS533_barecheek/madmatt_Editorial 01/07/2011 13:48 Page 2

instantly assumed that he was about to be auditioned for a human mousetrap advert.

“I thought I was about to be asked to ride on the industrial vacuum cleaner while one of my assailants tried to slam the Holy washing basket on my bonce,” he said, “but how wrong could I have been.”

The director of the Crimson Horse Theatre plonked a script in Matt’s hands and rather than live Mouse Trap he found he’d be auditioning for a role in Franz Kafka’s dark comedy, The Trial.

In fact, Matt wasn’t just auditioning for one role, he was being cast as three characters by director, Daniel, who has adapted Kafka’s obscure classic.

Matt nailed his script read, and said: “At the point where I shouted ‘He’s dismissing the lawyer. He’s going to dismiss the lawyer!’, a security guard opened the door to enquire if everything was okay.”

Having completed this challenge, Matt now faces an even greater one as he prepares to tread the boards at Iambic Theatre on Gardener Street for the show running 12–17 July.

He said: “This play is right up my strata. Its wallow in bureaucratic baloney reminds me of those phone calls where you get to know everyone in the company before realising that three days have passed.”

Watch Matt undertake his theatre challenge at Iambic Arts Theatre, 38 Gardener Street, BN1 1UN with tickets available at www.iambicarts.com or suggest his next challenge at www.facebook.com/latest7 or www.facebook.com /mattwhistlerbrighton Words: Richard Hook

011_LS533_cityspeak_Editorial 01/07/2011 13:55 Page 1

CITY SPEAK

Life begins at 70

Teen Spirit

Ruby Grimshaw packs her bags for Borneo

Tasha Dhanrajhas a reality check

I

H

t only seems a few weeks ago this. I have never used a hammock that I was packing with great in my life and it’s a bit late to try trepidation for a sponsored now. If it is included because we horse ride in Iceland. Now I am might need to rest in the forest I packing for two weeks in Borneo, am very good at hunkering down which includes nine days in the on my haunches in Hong Kong rainforest in the Tanjung Puting Chinese fashion, and I will take my National Park. We shall be staying chances with the leeches. in Rimba Lodge, a comfortable but The main problem for me is not basic house built on stilts over being able to wear makeup, as I swampland. know we will be sweating like the Last time I packed it was for proverbial swine, and powder and riding in the cold and rain, but this base will just run off as soon as it’s time it is for applied. But I never temperatures of up leave the house, not “We shall be to 95°F and a even to feed the humidity of 80 to tortoises, without staying in a 100 per cent. I’d my face slap. It’s rather be too hot just not fair on comfortable but than too cold but anyone I might this is going to be basic house built meet. This is when a challenge. wearing a burkha on stilts over My packing list might be useful, suggests that I but not really much swampland” should take good in the trainers because Indonesian they can dry rainforest I guess. quickly but daughter C says that I’m getting nervous that I might light boots are better because the have forgotten something – a visa leeches follow the smell of sweat or my mosquito stuff – and that I’ve and it is further for them to climb to gone overweight on my luggage. find it. I don’t want to spoil the Domestic flights in Indonesia have leeches fun but I think I will take a limit of 10 kilos so I think it will be my answer to all my walking difficult to avoid paying a fine. I problems: my jodhpur boots. They have only just remembered to start are comfortable, sturdy, almost taking my malaria tablets, one day water proof and don’t look as late. I think I am getting too long in enormous as normal boots. the tooth for these exotic holidays.

Also on the list is a hammock. I Perhaps I should stick with a week am going to pretend I didn’t see in Worthing next year.

Will Harris ponders over Pride

I

n my very first column for this magazine, penned when Gordon Brown was in office and the horrors of the Go Compare tenor had yet to be unleashed on the world, I wrote about Pride in Brighton and Hove. I worried (as so many 24 year olds do) that the local gay community was “in danger of forgetting its noble, placard-bearing, ‘sing if you’re glad to be gay’ roots”. I then rather knocked the hooves off that particular high horse by necking a shed-load of herbal highs and floating around a bush for three hours, all the while dressed like Peter Pan. Anyway, you probably already know that this year, for the first time in Brighton Pride’s 20-year history, you will need a ticket if you want to get in.

There are many reasons for this, most of which lead back to the sad truth the event has become a sprawling, betentacled monster that chokes the city for two days and tends to send King’s House officials screaming through the streets like extras in a Japanese B-Movie.

Last year, a record 160,000 people attended Pride. Of these, 220 were injured, and 11 hospitalised. A further 39 were arrested. In the end, organisers failed to raise the £40,000 they needed to break even.

Like it or not, the event clearly cannot continue under those terms.

However, I don’t agree their ticketing strategy is the best alternative.

Advance sales suggest I’m not alone in this; by mid June, only 10,000 of 50,000 tickets had been allocated. While many of us are undoubtedly waiting for a seven-day weather forecast before shelling out the £12.50 admission fee (even a live PA from Seamus Haji does little to improve

ello. I’m Tasha, and I am to take more of a hold and I felt addicted to a computer compelled to get a social life, I felt game. I’m 18 years old. I less inclined to play my beloved should be out protesting in the game so constantly. streets about some infringement The Sims became something to of human rights in some country I break up extended lengths of heard about on Twitter. I should not boredom, such as school holidays. be spending my Friday nights Of course, I’m now on my ‘gap playing The Sims 3. yah’ – the longest school holiday I If anyone ever questions my am ever going to have. My Sims loyalty, they should look at my playing opportunities are limitless. dedication to The The real problem Sims. I’ve been now though is that I playing the game on am too old to just and off for 12 years “My username enjoy it for what it is. now. I’ve bought the on the official I have to analyse my expansion packs, I sick reasons for bought The Sims 2, playing it. I’ve Sims forum is The Sims 3... In fact, deduced that it is I’ve been playing it ‘boffinbabe12’” something to do with since I was so my innate need to young that my feel that I have some username on the kind of power over official Sims forum is something, in particular during this ‘boffinbabe12’. time when I am waiting for my exam The Sims is a game where you results and then will have to apply design a family and a house and to university with the terrifying then control their every move. For a prospect that there’s nothing I can young megalomaniac without really do about any of it! And if I’m many friends, the appeal is honest, once you look at something obvious. When I was seven I used that way it becomes a severely less to play it in the mornings before carefree and enjoyable way to school and until bed time when I waste an afternoon and more some got home. I was a bit of a loner kind of alternative therapy. child. My best friend went to I just feel that if I’m going another school, so my only to waste my life away doing companion during the tough times something, I’d like it to be at of Year 2 was my teddy that I took least something that takes with me every day. me away from my own anxietyThen, as actual education began ridden reality.

the sensation of being wet in a tent), the fact remains that come Saturday 13 August – an unforeseen number of people are going to arrive in the city either unable or unwilling to pay for a ticket. Where do the organisers want them to go? The Bulldog only has one toilet.

It strikes me that Pride in Brighton and Hove, as you might expect from a public event of a certain age, is going through a bit of an identity crisis. Either it returns to its noble, placardbearing, ‘sing if you’re glad to be gay’ roots (down, horsey!), and rebrands itself as an event

“Pride in Brighton and Hove is going through a bit of an identity crisis” funded by locals to benefit locals, or it becomes just another gated, corporate music festival, where out-of-towners flock from across the UK to pay ticket prices that are as high as the gurning masses inside. It simply cannot be both.

Whichever way it pans out, you can bet the city’s eyes will be on Preston Park later this summer. Let’s hope the organisers live up to their brand, and give us all something to be proud of. follow me on twitter

latestwill

Illustration: Paul Lewis www.pointlessrhino.com

William Tells

11

012_LS533_snapshots-comps _Editorial 01/07/2011 13:28 Page 2

12 SNAP SHOTS

Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: Councillors Geoffrey & Carol Theobald

“

Following the local elections we Conservatives now find ourselves in opposition to the minority Green Administration, but because we will be working in the best interests of the residents, businesses and visitors of Brighton and Hove, we intend to be a constructive opposition. Brighton is riding high as the most successful and progressive seaside city in Britain but this didn't happen by accident! It took hard work, good decisions, vision and enthusiasm, and these will be needed to keep Brighton ahead of the rest.

”

Local political husband and wife team, Cllrs Geoffrey and Carol Theobald at their home in Brighton. Geoffrey returns to being the elected leader of the Conservative Group on Brighton & Hove Council, and is also President of the Federation of Brighton Pavilion and Hove and Portslade Conservative Associations, while Carol is the Conservative Opposition spokesperson for Planning, Employment , the Economy and Regeneration, as well as Deputy Chairman of the Health Overview and Scrutiny Committee.

Both are former Mayors and Carol has a further claim to fame: she was Miss Brighton, not once but twice! Now she spends her spare time dancing with the Brighton School of Samba, and enjoys watching county cricket with Geoffrey, who is also a member of the MCC. Together they have four children and two grandchildren, and are both councillors for Patcham Ward.

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

COMPETITIONS SOUNDWAVES FESTIVAL TICKETS The annual festival with four days of music and art returns from Thursday 14 to Sunday 17 July with a varied programme of events, exhibitions and experiences. With festival collaborators including the likes of Leafcutter John, Pere Ubu and Mira Calix, this melding of the creative arts scene should raise a few eyebrows and give the old brain a bit of a workout. We’ve got a pair of weekend festival tickets for ages 18+ to give away if you can answer this question: Q What is the name of the founder of the Glastonbury Festival?

ROBOT CHICKEN STAR WARS EPISODE III ON DVD

Adult Swim, the cult US animation stable, presents this third and final instalment in its Star Wars-spoofing stopmotion masterwork. The brains behind Robot Chicken, Seth Green, has put together a much funnier take on George Lucas’ epic than his other show, Family Guy’s tribute (he plays clumsy Chris Griffin), and this lesserknown trilogy is well worth splashing out on. Robot Chicken Star Wars Episode III is out now on DVD as a single installment or part of a boxset of all three episodes. We have two copies of the DVD to give away to anyone who can answer this question: Q Who played Jedi master Mace Windu in the Star Wars movie prequels?

STANDON CALLING FESTIVAL TICKETS

This festival takes place Friday 13 to Sunday 14 August in the grounds of a 16th century Hertfordshire manor house and features headliners including the acclaimed indie types Spiritualized, math-rock eccentrics Battles, and punk poet John Cooper Clarke.

We’ve got a pair of full weekend tickets (18+) if you answer this question:

Q In which year did the Battle of Hastings take place?

Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN,

EMAIL competitions@thelatest.co.uk

with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email.

Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to give your name, address and telephone number. The closing date is Monday 18 July.

013_LS533_celebcity_Celebcity 30/06/2011 15:41 Page 1

SPONSORED BY

CELEBCITY

Celebcity with Jo Brooks Elton John in Hove, Peter Andre headlines Guilfest, & celebrity hairdresser Mark Woolley is the top choice

13

PETER ANDRE SET FOR A GOOD TIME

Visitors to Guilfest this year can expect to see Peter Andre headlining the Good Time Stage for the first time. A household name with a string of hits behind him, Peter will be a fun addition to what is already a fantastic lineup. Names due to take part include legends The Who and Adam Ant joining in with more up to date names such as NDubz and Chipmunk. The event is held over three days from 15 July. With lots of stages packed with entertainment, festival goers will be spoilt for choice. Peter has just released his seventh studio album so he won’t be short of material to perform and organisers say he will be performing old and new material. My personal favourite is ‘Mysterious Girl’ – always a super summer song!

ELTON’S SONG

L

ast weekend I climbed into my festival jumpsuit of the season and headed down to the Sussex County Cricket Ground in Hove to have a gander at Elton John live. The weather was completely amazing and really made the gig feel like a proper festival – hard to imagine in a cricket club!

Hove was the second night of Elton’s current European tour. The star duly arrived by glamorous helicopter – the posh one with the retracting wheels – at nearby Hove Park. I spoke to one of the people that were looking after him backstage and they informed me that baby Zak was in tow safely in the arms of Elton’s long-term partner David Furnish. Zak was wearing a specially designed tour T-shirt with his name emblazoned on the back.

Once on stage, Elton didn’t disappoint, which is more than I can say for the bar queues which were a ridiculous 45 minute wait! Thank the Lord for local businessman Barry Carden who I spotted having lunch in his pitchside box; Barry saw my plight and passed out a couple of glasses of Pimms for me and my friend Fiona (thanks Bazza, you are a legend).

We made the most of the queue for the bar as it was at least facing the gig and most people sang/swayed along to ‘Rocket Man’ (well done to the bloke who let off rockets from his back garden in Wilbury Road), ‘Saturday Night Is Alright For Fighting’, ‘Crocodile Rock’ and ‘Tiny Dancer’ (my personal fave).

Elton was on stage for a mighty two and a half hours, which the crowd completely loved I might add.

After performing an encore of the classic ‘Your Song’ (made even more popular after Ewan McGregor sang it in Moulin Rouge and Ellie Goulding’s recent cover) Elton jumped straight back in his helicopter and flew off. We all waved from – yep you guessed it – the bar queue!

TOP CHOICE FOR THE CHELSEA GIRLS Only the best is good enough for the Chelsea girls! So, when two stars from the hit E4 show Made In Chelsea paid a visit to Electric Hairdressing, owner Mark Woolley was happy to help out with a fabulous blow-dry.

Gabriella Ellis and Alexandra ‘Binky’ Felstead popped in to the salon last week for the glamorous treatment and, of course, Mark couldn’t resist a quick picture. Electric are the preferred hairdressers for Made In Chelsea and Mark and the Electric salon have appeared in a number of the show’s episodes. Mark’s busy schedule as hairdresser to the celebrities continued last week, as he was also the official hairdresser and stylist on the Toploader photographic shoot.

The shoot took place at Paul Winters’ photographic studio in Brighton.

The images will be used as the promotional material for the Toploader tour, which follows the recent release of their new album Only Human. www.electric-hair.com

Have you spotted a celeb in the city? comment@thelatest.co.uk

SEPARATED AT BIRTH?

Latest Towers was inundated with phonecalls and emails last week following the misprinted photo of Alex Jones in place of Christine Bleakley.

Thanks to all the eagle-eyed readers who picked up on it. Christine’s One Show replacement may pass for her twin but we’re not sure how Frank Lampard would feel about his ‘new fiancée’, as our picture suggested...

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

follow me on twitter

latestcelebcity

10% service will be added.

Valid Sunday through to Thursday until end of July 2011 excluding bank holidays.

Only one voucher per table.

Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers.

014_LS533_interview_011_LS466_interview 01/07/2011 13:22 Page 2

14

L7 INTERVIEW There was one which was in this last show, Stripped. When badgers say: ‘Yo God, you’re making the earth and we haven’t got any food’.

‘Oh, sorry, okay, you don’t eat foo chow, and this,’ He says. And they’re going: ‘Oh, no, no, no, no that’s not good’.

‘Oh right,’ He says, ‘what shall I say? Crème brûlée!’ And they go, ‘Well, that’s not really brûlée, that's kind of singed,’ and God goes: ‘well badgers can be choosers’. And the audience will groan, and I’ll say you can’t groan at that, it’s a f***ing good joke! You’ve never heard it before. You can’t say ‘badgers’, ‘God’, ‘Crème brûlée’ jokes – ten a penny.

They’re not. Beggars can be choosers, badgers can’t be choosers, or badgers can be choosers I think.

And it’s all stupid, but anyway, they all moan about it, so I would berate the audience for a moment.”

THE GREAT ED-VENTURE

Eddie Izzard is the comedy & movie legend from Bexhill.

Here he talks bi-lingual swears, bees, badgers & the Hollywood Bowl with Victoria Nangle before heading off to the outdoor comedy festival Laughs In The Park. Phew!

The Just For Laughs Festival in Montreal in July sees you performing in both French and English.

Do you ever slip between the two lauguages?

“No. Sometimes people come up with this word ‘Franglais’. I wanna just stay off that because it sounds like you just can’t do it. I’ve been quite persistent in getting French for everything.”

be the name of the next show; “Abso-f***inglument”. That kind of works. But no ‘covered in bees’. Actually I don’t know what it is, er, ‘couvert’, hang on a minute [Eddie tries out further words in French], ‘les abeilles je pense’ doesn’t quite flow as nicely as ‘covered in bees’!”

Not even by accident?

“Oh, well that will be the first time, but we will see... I probably will be more confused in the English, actually I don’t know. I’ve talked English for so long that, like when I’m talking to you now, I don’t sort of have a problem where I go ‘ooh – how do you say ‘cat’?’. Sometimes you do forget the word for something, but I have said “abso-f***inglument”, and the French just love that! [laughs] That’s just it – “abso-f***ing-lument”. It’s the only power, if you've got ‘f***ing’ in the middle of a French word they dig it a whole bunch.”

“...remember that thing

You’re someone who has quite an anecdotal way about your delivery, but I don’t know whether by accident or on purpose these catchphrases that have turned up like: “covered in bees”...

“It’s actually accidental.”

I got that impression because you have such a verbose delivery that you can’t imagine just picking one of those out purposefully...

“That sort of happened and once I liked it I chose it over everything else.”

Do you have that in French as well? Do people in French start saying “covered in bees” or whatever it is in French?

Actually, I don't know, which is a good point! At the moment “abso-f***ing-lument” is the one I just keep trying to say. They were saying that should

we used to do, like when we were kids, which was eat balloons or something...”

Another one I recall from way back is: “We were young, we were wolves”...

“Yeah, ‘We were young, we were wolves, we were young, we didn't care...’ I can’t remember how it went, but we tried to have those throwaway things.

I was listening to John Cleese’s shows, and I was talking to John Cleese and he said they [Monty Python's Flying Circus] were very anti catchphrases.

So I haven’t gone to make catchphrases, but some things have come out that I’ve just liked which I’ve repeated. That’s just my way.”

Was it you that went “I like this phrase”, or was it the audience going “I really like that phrase” and you went “I like it too!”?

“It’s little bit of a mixture. If I say it and I like it then I’m going to put a certain energy into it.

Sometimes I like things and they don’t like them.

I have said things which I keep going back to and the audience... each time I’m going ‘come on, laugh, you bastards!’.

You have very distinct content. Was it a decision you made early on not to have a lot of personal material involved but the more ethereal?

Well, it’s interesting. I noticed that no-one was doing history so I loved that. If you get personal, you go into your relationships with people who don’t really want to be a part of that, so then you can’t really go there. So like with my family I can talk about my dad but, you know, if you’ve been gigging for 20 years... I don’t know how much more of your life you are able to pull out and say ‘oh remember that thing we used to do, like when we were kids, which was eat balloons or something?’. I don’t know.

Do you think that’s why your material is still seen as fresh compared to other comics who are considered stale with success?

Ahh well, I think maybe, er, yeah the success.

The subject matter and also where you’re doing it.

I mean, some people get complaints where they might be cruising. I remember saying when I was a kid to my dad: ‘you've just got to get a cushy job and then cruise on in for the rest of your life’, and I think he said it’s not a good idea. As I got closer to doing better and it was getting, I dunno... the actual thing you’ve got to do is to keep making it. If you want to do it so that you’re doing some good work you've got to keep making it. So that you’re beginning.

I’m playing a 140 seater venue in Paris, and there’s two other shows after me. It’s like the Edinburgh festival. It’s hot as Hell in there and, I’m just about selling out each night. Which is great but it’s not easy-peasy. I’ve had some great people come along and see, but it’s really f***ing cutting-edge and, and then I’m gonna go play the Hollywood Bowl and then I’m gonna come and do Laughs In The Park and that’s keeping it real [laughs], in some huge way. And then I’m going to do it in German and Russian and Arabic. And you can’t but be somewhere on the outside edge when you’re doing that. You know? That’s the thing.

The biggest part of dying creatively is when you get predictable. I’m not terribly predictable [laughs].

Laughs In The Park features Eddie Izzard, Ross Noble and Tommy Tiernan on all three nights, Verulamium Park, St Albans, 22, 23, 24 July, 0843 221 0977, www.laughsinthepark.com See www.thelatest.co.uk/7 for full interview.

Ross Noble

Tommy Tiernan

015_LS533_singingintherain_011_LS466_interview 01/07/2011 10:19 Page 1

Pictures: Manuel Harlan

SPLASHING OUT

SINGING IN THE RAIN 15

Chichester Festival Theatre turn on and put on the taps for the classic MGM musical Singin’ In The Rain

M

arilyn with her skirts swirling, Liza tipping Dinsmore, a vocal coach, can rescue her from a bowler and Doris whip-cracking away – the ensuing shame as she is uncovered. they’re all iconic images of Hollywood, but Of course, Lockwood falls for Selden in classic none is better known perhaps than that of Gene boy meets girl fashion but not before they have a Kelly, suit collar turned up, singing, and dancing, chance for plenty of comic moments. in the rain. Much loved and much mimicked and Michael Brandon, who originated the role of the parodied, the MGM musical Singin’ In The Rain is Talk Show Host in the huge hit Jerry Springer, The one of the best loved of all time.

Musical, joins the cast as studio boss R F Simpson.

What makes it so? Well, above and beyond the He is probably best known, however, as James great original performances it has a great plot and Dempsey from the classic ’80s TV cop show a brilliant score with some of the genres most Dempsey And Makepeace. memorable songs, ‘Make ’Em Laugh’, ‘All I Do Is It would be both wrong and impossible to not Dream Of You’, ‘You Are My Lucky Star’, ‘Moses write about the classic dance sequence in which Supposes’, ‘Good Morning’... It has romance, Kelly sang and danced on the sidewalk and street intrigue and comedy, lots of comedy, from the in torrential rain, twirling around a lamp post, hysterically funny Lina Lamont, the shrill voiced tapping through gutters and raising his face to silent movie goddess who is the starting point of take the full force of a downpipe, before the entire drama. encountering a weary city Miss Lamont is a star cop and whistling away. on the silent screen, but It is the stuff of history, a No iconic Hollywood with the advent of the moment of cinema magic talkies it is discovered probably seen by more image is better known that her voice is far from people than almost any that expected of a other. A tall order for any perhaps than that of romantic lead. Katherine performer and for any Gene Kelly, suit collar Kingsley plays the role director, designer and and is no newcomer to choreographer too. But the turned up, singing, and Chichester having team assembled at appeared in Hobson’s Chichester have no doubt dancing, in the rain Choice in 2007 and since that this will match up to then she has appeared in the level of excellence for many successful shows in London including Piaf, which they have become renowned. Director in which she was nominated for an Olivier Award.

Jonathan Church has, as Chichester’s artistic director, rebuilt the company’s reputation as a centre of theatrical excellence over his tenure with a huge list of successes that have received both critical acclaim and West End transfers. Church directs this with Andrew Wright as choreographer and Simon Higlett as designer. Wright choreographed 42nd Street last year at Chichester and Higlett designed Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead this year and many previous Chichester Festival successes.

Chichester has of late become famous for great musical revivals and this year promises to add to that reputation. With acclaim for She Loves Me already under their belt, Singin’ In The Rain promises to join that great Playing opposite her is Adam Cooper, who has canon of success. worked extensively with the Royal Ballet and Rain, of course, will be a vital with Matthew Bourne’s Company Adventures in element in the show, but do not Motion Pictures, he was also the swan in the fear. When it comes to water on stage closing sequence of the film Billy Elliot. Here he Chichester are never shy. When Church plays the romantic lead to Miss Lamont in their ill fated first ‘Talkie’. Cooper’s best friend is Cosmo Brown played by Daniel Crossley who has appeared in many West End productions and in this role all eyes will be on him as he tackles the role made so famous by Donald O’Connor.

Scarlett Strallen returns to Chichester where she appeared in The Music Man but she too has a long list of starring roles including Mary Poppins in the West End and HMS Pinafore, for which she too was nominated for an Olivier Award. This time she plays Kathy Selden, the wannabe actress who is literally carjacked into the plot and ends up becoming the star after Cosmo suggests that she is used to dub the voice of Lina Lamont.

What ensues is comedy and musical magic with the squeaky miss Lamont protesting at being usurped from her star status by a nobody. “What do you think I am, dumb or something?” she cries but not even the help of Sandra Dickinson’s Miss

“

”

directed The Grapes Of Wrath, he was not content with thunderclaps and flashes for the great storm but had torrential rain and rising floodwater sweeping across the stage. Expect to laugh and cry and expect to get wet too if you are sat at the front, but do not miss what is guaranteed to be one of the most exciting musical theatre events of the season.

Singin’ In The Rain, 27 June – 10 September Chichester Festival Theatre Book online at www.cft.org.uk or call the Box Office on 01243 781312.

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK

Glynde tasting A coming of age for English wine at the Glynde Food & English Wine Festival

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lynde Place hosts this year’s biggest celebration of English wine as part of The Glynde Food & English Wine Festival. The country’s longest-running English wine festival is now an integral part of The Glynde Food & English Wine Festival, hosted by Viscount Hampden, festival founder and owner of Glynde Place.

Nestled in the heart of the South Downs, Glynde Place, the 16th century country house, is a glorious setting for the festival. Francis Hampden believes the event will provide a platform for showcasing the amazing array of regional food producers and vineyards across the country: “English vineyards are now producing world class wines that stand up to anything the rest of the world has to offer,” says Hampden. “This is going to be the most significant gathering of top English vineyards in the country.”

Over the last couple of years English wine has gained worldwide recognition. Sussex-based Ridgeview’s Grosvenor Blanc de Blancs 2006 beat competition from five Champagnes to win International Trophy for Sparkling Wine Over £10 at the Decanter World Wine Awards 2010.

The UK’s renowned viticulture consultant and author of The UK Vineyard Guide 2010, Stephen Skelton, is running wine-tasting classes at the festival, which he says will be an ideal event for consumers to try the best English wines out there: “Although wine has been produced in the UK for many centuries, it is only in the last few decades that the industry has become really professional and capable of producing world-class wines, especially our bottle-fermented sparkling wines.”

At Glynde Food and English Wine Festival vineyard owners will offer samples and talk about their wines, and visitors can also learn how to taste professionally with wine writer and broadcaster Joe Wadsack, and Stephen Skelton MW. The Chef Demo Stage will feature some of the country’s top chefs: presenter and restaurateur John Torode, Edd Kimber (winner of The Great

British Bake Off), Dhruv Baker (WaitroseLIVE columnist), Valentine Warner, Olly Rowe, Peter Bayless (MasterChef winner) and Celebrity MasterChef winner actress Lisa Faulkner.

Peter Bayless is running cookery master classes at the festival to include bread and pasta making, while children’s cookery author Amanda Grant will be keeping the kids busy in the children’s kitchen.

“Some of the county’s finest food producers will be present with offerings from chocolate to chilli, cheese to chutneys, cakes to charcuterie and more,” says Hampden. “In fact, the offerings are so tempting we are encouraging visitors to bring along an empty hamper and fill up their baskets.”

Glynde Place and its estates have long been a hub of food production – for centuries as a farming estate, but recently Viscount Hampden has branched out his estate businesses to pastures new. The Old Dairy at Glynde has become home to a handful of local producers that include a cheese company, a bakery, a cake company and Ouse Valley Foods.

“We also have plans for a new French-backed sparkling vineyard to move into the old home farm,” Hampden adds, “but that’s all I can tell you for the moment!”

The Glynde Food & English Wine Festival, Glynde Place, Glynde, near Lewes, Saturday 16 & Sunday 17 July 2011, 10am–5pm, www.glyndefoodfestival.co.uk

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK

Food & Drink Andrew Kay drives to Hove to enjoy the Thai delights on offer at The Green Mango

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espite almost continuous barracking from my mother, I have yet to travel east and visit Thailand. She has made many visits and thoroughly enjoys displaying her knowledge of not only the country and the people but also of the cuisine.

I have none of her first-hand expertise but I do have a passion for the food, especially since being taught by Brighton’s very clever Bookie to make a few dishes myself in, what she assures me is, an authentic manner. But the biggest lesson that I gained in her hands is that Thai cooking is a complex and demanding art that requires a great deal of time, skill and knowledge.

I took that knowledge and I use it in the following manner: whenever I have a longing for Thai food, I go out to a Thai restaurant. OK, I admit that from time to time I will throw together some food that is influenced by Thai cooking, but Thai it ain’t.

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steak dressed with that delicious blend of palm sugar, lime juice, fish sauce and chilli certainly hit the spot. It was spicy, yes, but not in the aggressive similar to the handshake of an aggressive uncle.

Fire yes, but without damage.

A second dish of roast duck with a tamarind gravy was very moreish, the meat succulent and the skin well rendered down to eliminate too much fat. It was a great balance to the heat of the beef, too.

The final dish was a plate of fabulous prawns. They were huge, fat and sweet with taut flesh and masses of flavour. These were split along their backs, butterfly fashion, but no butterfly, or moth for that matter, could look as pretty, and dare I say it, as big as these. The sauce was a rich and creamy red curry that completed a palate of flavours on our table with great dexterity.

Sated we sat back and relaxed. Our two courses had more than satisfied our appetites and by any standards we were replete. But you know how it is, someone comes by the table waving a dessert menu and you kind of get suckered in. Oh alright, there’s no passing the buck, I am a greedy old goat and wanted a pud. Well after chilli nothing works better than sugar. So with that in mind I ordered banana fritters with chocolate ice cream. Mr R joined in by choosing a Thai pancake with ginger ice cream. He liked it too, rather a lot judging by the speed with which it disappeared. My fritters were exceptional.

Dismissing a basic batter and replacing it with a mix of dessicated coconut and panko breadcrumb is inspired. The sweet fruit was latest 7 supports encased in a crisp shell rather than a greasy coffin and I was almost able to convince myself that this was health food.

The Green Mango is sensibly priced, the cooking is both traditional but with an element of inventiveness and the service was charming. I will certainly return.

The Green Mango, 8 Church Road, Hove have you voted yet?

01273 327226 brightonfoodawards.com www.thegreenmangohove.com

Do you tackle Thai at home? andrew@thelatest.co.uk

Light bites Plat du jour

The Green Mango is a fairly new Thai in central Hove. The look is modern with a hint of the east but not overtly so. The music was, thankfully, classic soul, so I had no problem in understanding that. As for the menu, well it was pretty self explanatory, but even so I passed it back to the owner and asked him to “Thai cooking is choose our dinner with the sole caveat that pineapple was not allowed. He took a complex and up the challenge undaunted and disappeared to the kitchen. demanding art that A short while later our dinner started to arrive and very delicious it was, too. I was requires a great pleased to see that he had not gone the route of the mixed starter. Nice as they are deal of time, skill they can simply be an assembly of bits. and knowledge” Instead he produced a plate of scallops in their shells dressed with a delicious sauce that while being spicy did not swamp the delicate seafood. Another plate came with four fat prawns sat in ceramic spoons. Each prawn was wrapped in a lacy veil of egg and within that were crunchy vegetable julienne and mint leaves and over them a thin dressing that was sharp with tamarind and spice. It was a dish I had never seen before and upon questioning it turned out to be a new idea, one of several that the owner has encouraged the chefs to develop.

Our main course came with both plain steamed rice and a coconut rice that for once tasted of coconut. I had expressed a liking for Thai salads so a dish of

As a great lover of lunch and one who is rather dismissive of the Great British invention, the sandwich, I can often be found eating alone at lunchtime in a variety of Brighton eateries where I have discovered menus that offer the right kind of lunchtime food at a sensible price.

My favourites, of course, see me most often and I am very lucky that one of them is Eastern Eye in London Road.

Their chicken dosa at £4.99 including a soft drink has to be the tastiest and best value in town. Let me know if you think otherwise.

I can only repeat how much I love The Ginger Dog and in particular their two course for £12 lunch menu. Not the price of a sandwich and a can of coke, I know, but then, it’s not a sandwich and a can of coke, is it? You pays your money...

The panino and a taster of wine at Ten Green Bottles in Jubilee Street is a good option for a light bite. Sophisticated and tasty at a fiver too, I must return and try more.

Plateau in Batholomews won me over with an excellent dinner but since I have returned on

many occasions and had platters of cheese or charcuterie with a glass of wine or even just an Orangina. Last week, with an empty belly and an hour to kill I slipped in for lunch. On my previous visit I had a lunch special of confit duck that made me very happy. This time I chose the offer of three small dishes. A long wooden board arrived with superb fried squid, I mean really, really superb, and with it some bread

and a slice of rabbit terrine with prunes and a bruschetta of ripe cherry tomatoes, roquette and sharp cheese. I’m no fan of bruschetta normally, toast with chopped tomatoes on doesn’t tick any of my boxes, that was until this one which was simply delicious. At £10 it didn’t win the cheap eat prize but it certainly won the rest. follow me on twitter

latestandrew

018_LS533_hotlist_Hotlist 30/06/2011 13:01 Page 2

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HOTLIST Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

L7 Hotlist

Indian Summer

Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk British & modern European

Recipease

Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials.

Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue.

There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

Recipease is a unique high street food and kitchen emporium dedicated to serving the local community great food through a variety of easy and inspiring ways. Attend one of their ‘Easy to Learn’ cooking classes and learn to cook like Jamie Oliver, pick up freshly made meals ready to cook at home, or drop in for a delicious breakfast or lunch. Whatever your food needs are, whether you’re a beginner or seasoned cook, they’ve got the recipe for you.

72 Western Road, Brighton, BN1 2HA, 01273 311338, www.recipease.com

The Dyke

The Restaurant At Drakes

Bardsley’s

Superb rustic Tuscan menu mingled with English classics. Locally sourced or organic ingredients and rapidly gaining a reputation as one of Brighton’s most stylish eateries.

One side is a proper pub with excellent real ales and log fire; the other a very grown-up stylish restaurant. It’s very child (and dog!) friendly too, and has a big garden for those late summer evenings. Lunch 12pm–3pm; dinner 6.30pm–9.45pm.

218 Dyke Road, Brighton, 01273 555672, www.dykepub.co.uk

The Gallery Restaurant – The Lanes

If you’re looking for an independent restaurant offering some of the very best steaks and British dishes then why not try The Gallery Restaurant? Located in an old fishing cottage in the very heart of Brighton’s Lanes The Gallery Restaurant prides itself in offering the very best dishes, service and ambience – British style! In the summer they boast one one Brighton’s largest alfresco terraces but in the winter the mood is relaxed and welcoming. Try the lunch twocourse menu for just £9.95 and the evening menu two-course menu for £13.95.

28 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HL 01273 773327, www.thegallerybrighton.co.uk

The Loop Café-Bar & Coffee House Nestling on Kemp Town seafront is this contemporary Anglo-Brazilian café-bar with a menu that features traditional English fare as well as some tasty Brazilian dishes.

Whether you choose one of the stylish red sofas, or the sunny south-facing front terrace, you can enjoy free Wi-Fi while you savour the homemade food and great selection of coffees. Open daily, 9.30am–6pm.

16 Marine Parade, Brighton, 01273 677944, www.theloop-brighton.co.uk

Metrodeco

Start your day at Kemp Town’s sumptuous Art Deco tea rooms with a delicious breakfast of pancakes, smoked salmon bagels, fresh fruit or mackerel. Sample mouth-watering cakes and bespoke teas throughout the day and linger into the evening with a glass of wine. For music and quiz nights and special events/offers check out their Facebook page.

Open 9.30am–7pm Mon–Wed, 9.30am–9pm Thurs–Sun. 38 Upper St James’s Street, Brighton, East Sussex, BN2 1JN, 01273 677243, www.metro-deco.com, www.twitter.com/Metrodeco, www.facebook.com/metrodecostalkingshop

The Old Bank Steak & Ribs

Kemp Town’s friendly new steakhouse restaurant serves delicious food with great service in a warm and comfortable setting.

Locally-owned and aiming to be the ‘Cheers’ of the neighbourhood, The Old Bank is a rarity in the city, offering quality steak and ribs, local catch of the day, grilled chicken and vegetarian dishes at great value prices.

A fantastic wine list, selected mainly from local merchants by GQ wine columnist Jonathan Ray, complements their wholesome and satisfying food. Kids’ menu great value. Open Mon–Thurs, 5pm–9.30pm; Fri–Sun, 12pm–10pm; live background Sunday jazz 6–8pm, and open all day bank holidays. Plus the garden is now open for summer!

120 St George’s Road, Kemp Town Village, BN1 1EA, 01273 682200, www.oldbankkemptownbrighton.com

The Dyke

With an air of relaxed glamour, exemplary service and the finest modern European cuisine in town, the 2AA Rosette fine-dining restaurant provides the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Two courses for £29; three courses for £39; fivecourse Gourmet Chef’s Taster Menu for £50.

Private dining room with designated waiter for up to 12 people.

43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com

The Townhouse Restaurant

The Townhouse is discovering itself as a home for all, with a dining area, lounge bar, private function suite and a piano room. The head chef brings all his prestige from The London Dorchester to create a menu (specialising in steaks and seafood) that fits the Brighton way. Whether you want a quick lunch or wish to stay the evening, they promise you a warm welcome that will make you not want to leave. For promotions visit their website or give them a call.

81–82 St James’s Street, Kemp Town, Brighton BN2 1PA, 01273 693216, www.thetownhousekemptown.co.uk

Chinese Gars Restaurant

This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French Cocoa Patisserie

Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. A selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. Beautiful cakes made to order.

48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

New Steine Bistro

“With more than a soupçon of Gallic charm The New Steine Bistro are true bon viveurs.

No fancy pants fashion fads here, but some well executed classics. Most importantly though is their open attitude: everyone gets the same charming welcome – guests and diners, locals and visitors alike – and when you have been once, you will want to return again and again.” – Andrew Kay, L7 food writer. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three, Sunday to Thursday; £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available. Open 6pm.

10/11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/restaurant.asp

Indian Chaula’s

Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday.

Nationally acclaimed and a favourite with locals, Indian Summer is celebrating its 10th anniversary. Serving favourites like masala dosa and bhel puri, the menu is influenced from genuine recipes covering south, north, and central india. For lunch you can choose two courses for £10 or a new tapas street menu with four choices for 11.95. An elegant evening set menu starts at £21.95. Booking is strongly advised. For offers and events find them on Facebook.

69 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HQ, 01273 711001, www.indian-summer.org.uk

Italian Donatello

Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo

The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95.

16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk

Japanese Moshi Moshi

Is there a better and cooler place to eat Japanese in Brighton? We don’t think so, and neither do Moshi Moshi’s ever-growing fan base. Their sushi is fantastic, the service

great, and they’ve won a brace of awards for their work in fish conservation. If you’re not yet a Moshi member, you’re missing out: their 50% off on Moshi Mondays are a phenomenom.

Opticon, Bartholomew Square, Brighton, BN1 1JS, 01273 719195, www.moshibrighton.co.uk

Thai The Green Mango

The Green Mango has arrived to spice up Brighton and Hove! This modern Thai restaurant is committed to giving you the complete Thai experience, with the most authentic food possible. Lunch starts at £4.95, and we’re open every day, so come down and “gin yur yur” (eat a lot!)

8 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2FL, 01273 327226, www.thegreenmangohove.com

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150

019_LS533_tengreenbottles__food 01/07/2011 12:36 Page 1

ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK

A SIMPLE LUNCH...

...delivered with a lot of style at the Ten Green Bottles Wine Tasting Room

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en Green Bottles is fast becoming one of my favourite haunts. As a lover of wine their concept is amazingly appealing.

The pricing policy is based on the retail price of the bottles that they sell. If it’s £7 to take home then it’s £12 to drink in. That is a blanket £5 on any bottle of wine in the shop.

So is it is shop, or a wine bar, or a restaurant? Well it’s very much a hybrid. You can certainly go in to buy wine to take home and you can also buy wine to drink there, either at a small table, at the large central table or on one of the sofas in the window.

The message is relax and you can certainly do that. You can relax about the prices, too.

An excellent bottle of wine costing around £18 to take home will be £23 to drink in. Now in a restaurant with their ‘complex’ method of marking up, that same wine could cost you anything from £36 upwards depending on their ‘policy’. When it comes to food they are clear to point out

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that they are not a restaurant but they do offer platters of cheeses and charcuterie of a very high standard. Evenings are working well for them, too, with great feedback from customers who are enjoying relaxed informal time there as well as the fun of their organised tasting events.

But at lunchtime they also offer a very fast and flexible deal for busy people on the go who want more than a chill cabinet sandwich and a can of cola. Aware of a demand for something a little more exciting but equally affordable they have introduced their lunchtime panino deal. A filled panino and 80ml tasting glass of wine costs £5.

There are three choices of fillings; smoked mackerel with horseradish lemon and rocket, Monmouthshire air dried ham from Trealy farm with Lincolnshire poacher cheese and whole grain mustard or goats cheese with artichoke and peppers from the Spanish Food Company.

Delicious they are too, and the bread has been specially created by the Flint Owl Bakery in Glynde. It’s a great combination of wine and food but you can exchange wine for a coffee if you choose not to booze. The offer is available from 12–4pm Monday to Friday and their other menu of charcuterie and cheeses is also available at lunchtime. There are set platters or flexible ordering from the range of French and Spanish cheeses and great charcuterie. Ideal for people on their own, this is a very social Italian style experience that lacks any pretension. All the wines are imported direct form the producers and they like to find things that they love and to be able to suggest wines to customers.

Ten Green Bottles, the wine shop and tasting room 9 Jubilee Street 01273 567176 www.tengreenbottles.com.

Open 7 days a week 11–11ish

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Brighton Smile Clinic Tooth whitening £99 (home bleaching trays)

24 Hour Emergency Dentist 07879 632189 £20 check up includes: • Detection of decay • Gum assessment • Oral cancer screening • Cosmetic dental consultation • X-ray for diagnosis if needed

£20

check up Brighton Smile Clinic

www.brightonsmileclinic.com

01273 682927 45 Preston Rd BN1 4QE

021_LS533_health_Revitalise 01/07/2011 14:48 Page 3

HEALTH & BEAUTY

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NLP • HYPNOTHERAPY • LIFE COACHING

the

conway practice Specialist in Smoking Cessation and Weight Control • Self Esteem • • • •

Jonathan Conway Bsc Dip EHPNLP MNCH snr Clinician (acc) NLP Master Practitioner & Coach

Anxiety Phobias Public Speaking Relationship Difficulties

• Learn Self Hypnosis Help with Emotional problems and Wellbeing

FREE INITIAL CONSULTATION Brighton, Hove, East Sussex & London Practices

01273 540425 • 07956 855027 www.jonathanconway.co.uk

DAMAGE CONTROL Hypnotherapy can help you overcome anxieties & control your weight

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here are times when we can all feel stressed, anxious and unhappy.

Often, it is a response something life throws our way and is something we get over in time. Sometimes, however, the feelings linger, having an effect on our self-esteem and wellbeing. Hypnotherapy and Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) can help you overcome your phobias and anxieties, by going to the root of the problem, and making a change for the long-term.

When it comes to weight issues, many people who have tried dieting come to a hypnotherapist. This is because food related issues can be complicated.

Drifting between different diets in a bid to find one that sticks is the norm for many of us. But if your reasons for reaching for high-sugar snacks are because you are stressed and unhappy, then hypnotherapy may be the answer. “People often overeat because they are unhappy, whether it’s in a relationship or a job,” says hypnotherapist Jonathan Conway. “Sometimes a weight issue can be connected with difficulties from a person’s childhood and low self esteem. Hypnotherapy can be helpful to assist a person to both visualise themselves as able to reach their target weight and also to help the person regain control over their lives.”

“Pause before eating to establish whether it’s an emotional or physical hunger” Take a pause before eating to establish whether it’s an emotional hunger or a physical hunger.

A person also needs to know whether they are focused on eating or distracted by another activity. If you sit eating at your desk or watching the television, you may not be aware how much you are eating. If we grab a meal on the go or eat quickly in order to dash off and do something else, we can overeat, as we are not consciously thinking about the food. Plan your meal times and eat with no distractions, taking your time to digest the food properly. Eating off of a smaller plate is also recommended. As trends in dinnerware sees plates getting ever bigger in size, cutting back to a tea plate size can help you to shift unwanted weight. With weight loss it is good to set a target weight that is safe, sensible and achievable, and keep in mind that gradual weight loss is likely to be sustained for longer.

“With regards to hypnotherapy for weight loss, it can also be helpful to visualise fitting into a smaller clothes size,” Jonathan continues. “As the person begins to become slimmer this will increase self esteem and general confidence.”

Hypnotherapy can also help with anxiety and stress, which goes back to the age old ‘fight or flight’ response our bodies take on. “It is all about degree,” says Jonathan. “Some anxiety is fine, whereas too much can paralyse the person. It can be helpful to ‘reframe the anxiety into energy and enthusiasm. Another tactic could be to limit the anxiety to a few minutes a day and effectively ‘park it’ into this time slot.”

In order to counter anxiety it can be helpful to learn NLP anchoring techniques focussing on breathing and relaxation. “Learning and using self hypnosis can assist a person in overcoming anxiety,” says Jonathan, “thus helping a person to be calm and in more control.”

Jonathan Conway, Hypnotherapist NLP Master Practitioner and Coach, 01273 540425 or 07956 855 027, www.jonathanconway.co.uk follow me on twitter

latestzara

022_023_LS533_reviewsbookings _Reviews 30/06/2011 16:42 Page 2

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REVIEWS

L7 Under review Read more reviews of local shows online at www.thelatest.co.uk

The number one party venue in Europe’s sexiest city – BRIGHTON! You make the booking, we make it happen.

Tell us what you want, we’ll provide it all.

A fabulous party and you have to do nothing!

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN CYNDI LAUPER, Brighton Dome, 28 June JJJJJ

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ad girl of pop Cyndi loped onto stage in black leather and delivered a searing set of Memphis blues that initially had her chart fans confused but by the third number had them hooked. The voice has grown, it’s massive and the range immense both in tone, pitch and emotional charge. Her band are hot too, hammering out the tunes with guts, a solid and unindulgent bedrock for her newfound style. But what of the hits? They came, she brought out the dulcimer, she gave us ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ and ‘Time After Time’ and we danced and sang along. She came out one last time and with her ace harp player and just the dulcimer she gave a tearjerking rendition of ‘True Colours’. Chattering throughout, peppering the anecdotes with gay rights and liberationist politics, she won the crowd.

Andrew Kay

NEW!! We can now film your party in high definition and give you a DVD to take away with you at amazing introductory prices. We are the first venue in the UK to offer this.

Birthdays Weddings Civil Partnerships Office Parties Hen and Stag Nights

JIGSAW

Jigsaw is a fantastic sketch supergroup. Top flight comedians, Dan Antopolski, Nat Luurtsema and Thomas Craine have joined forces, exactly like The Avengers.

Except that instead of fighting crime, they are fighting for good comedy! Well, offstage they might fight crime. I don’t know. It’s not really for this reviewer to speculate. Anyway. As well as any community enforcement role they might choose to undertake, this powerful trio have also put together a rather wonderful, quickfire, surreal sketch show.

The performances are great, the humour is off-kilter and unpredictable and the rapid turnover of ideas means that the very rare duff sketch is over before you realise it. Fun! Upstairs at the Three and Ten, 29 June JJJJJ Jim Holland

BRIGHTON JAPAN FESTIVAL – TOKYO SOUNDS MUSIC SHOWCASE

Melting Vinyl put together a fine package in a quilted marquee bedecked with origami swans.

Tenniscoats started the evening with a lovely set of reflective folk lullabies that had a childlike end-ofsummer-holidays feel, including a wistful ‘Greensleeves’. Kuaigora played a mixed set that included hallucinogenic fairground music, Tom Waitsy marimba reggae and a very jazzy ‘Goldfish’. A lot of this was wasted on some of the lessattentive ‘Friday nighters’ but headliners No Cars were on hand to charm everyone into appreciating their tongue-in-cheek set.

They covered tuna, geishas, Anglo/Japanese relationships and even managed to sexualise Oreos.

A great success. Arigato!

Moshi Moshi Festival Hub, Brighton, 24 June JJJJJ Steve Clements

022_023_LS533_reviewsbookings _Reviews 01/07/2011 13:01 Page 3

BOOKINGS | MUSIC CHART 23 CALENDAR GIRLS

Based on a true story, Calendar Girls is a moving and witty account of a group of women in a Yorkshire WI who raise funds for charity by posing naked in a calendar. This theatre production was absolutely fantastic. It touched on the humour of a group of middle aged women baring all in the name of raising money for cancer research, and also showed the strength and importance of friendships. The cast were hilarious and so enjoyable to watch. They had the audience laughing, and also silenced at the moments where the true reality of the horrible disease that cancer is was realised. Funny yet sincere, they brought a whole new meaning to jam and Jerusalem.

Connaught Theatre, Eastbourne, 27 June JJJJJ Laura Hayward

MICHAEL BALL

After 25 years at the top of his art Ball still has what it takes. His voice is versatile, bang on the note every time and seemingly effortless. He can soar with almost operatic skill and then belt it out like the best of them. It never wavers, pitch perfect when quiet as a whisper or when reaching the corners of the auditorium other voices simply could not reach.

His set in two halves started with his musical heroes, covering their songs but not always their hits. He chose well, each number just right for his voice and in doing so he elevated it above simply a cover or a tribute show. In the second half he delivered what many of the audience have come to hear, the show tunes he has made famous, or, in the case of Sondheim’s Sweeney Todd, ones he is about to. Lloyd Webber classics, Les Miserables, they are all there, and to finish a bit of Elvis before ‘Love Changes Everything’. The audience went crazy and rightly so. This is one charming man, easy on the ear and utterly likeable, as good in concert as he is in theatre.

The Brighton Centre, 26 June JJJJJ Andrew Kay

L7 Bookings On sale this week…

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

You’, ‘Red Dress’, ‘Feel Like Buddy Holly’, ‘Let's Pretend’ and tracks from his new album I Love Rock n Roll.

ED SHEERAN

Concorde 2, 6 October, £10, 7pm 01273 673311, www.concorde2.co.uk The 20-year-old singer released his new single ‘The A Team’ a couple of weeks ago, which charted at number three in the official singles chart! Already this gig has sold out, but if you can get returns, bribe your way in or snaggle a birthday pressie from a thoughtful pal.

Ed Sheeran is well worth a visit.

Theatre Royal Brighton, 4 December, £25.25, 7.30pm 08448 717 650, www.ambassadortickets.com BBC Radio 4's Gardener's Question Time is arguably one of the most famous and endearing British institutions. For the first time, resident chair Eric will tour with his panel of expert gardeners offering their inimitable gardening expertise interspersed with the usual dose of quirky humour as well as live demonstrations about best gardening practice and advice on how to overcome both common and more unusual garden problems. Marvellous.

Did you disagree with our verdict on any of these shows?

comment@thelatest.co.uk

2 The Wolfgirl Liberation E.V.P 3 Maria McAteer & Her Night At Noon Take The Blame 4 Maria Mcateer & Her Night At Noon Drink The Pain Away

7 Champion Fever Dragons 8 Lolatwist Pretty 9 Moonlighter Every Time I Fall

THE PAJAMA MEN: IN THE MIDDLE OF NO ONE

Komedia, 1 December, £16.50, 0845 293 8480, www.komedia.co.uk/brighton The critically acclaimed Pajama Men return to the UK with their new show In The Middle of No One, a fast-paced comedy thriller about love, alien abduction, the pressure cooker of solitude and the spirit of adventure.

Brighton Dome, October, 0844 477 2000, www.brightondome.org The Brighton Comedy Festival keeps gaining momentum, as more Edinburgh preview shows garner a buzz and are booked for this cherrypicked collection. The latest confirmations are from Jane Godley – The Godley Hour (8 October), Alex Horne – Seven Years In A Bathroom (12 October), David O’Doherty is Looking Up (14 October), Mike Wilmot (16 October), Nick Helm – Dare To Dream (20 October), Paul Daniels – Hair Today Gone Tomorrow (13 October), Rich Hall (14 October), Tony Hawks – Random Fun Tour (16 October), and Zoe Lyons Live (20 October). Keep checking the website for further updates.

ALVIN STARDUST

Komedia, 23 September, £15, 0845 293 8480, www.komedia.co.uk/brighton Alvin Stardust, the Godfather of ’70s glam rock, makes his debut show at Komedia performing all his classic hits from the ’70s and ’80s which includes ‘My Coo Ca Choo’, ‘You You

1 Panos Christofi Satin Doll

6 The Last Cry Rebekka

EVEN MORE BRIGHTON COMEDY FESTIVAL ADDITIONS

GARDENERS QUESTION TIME LIVE

TOP 10

5 Chaos Borne Watching

NIGEL KENNEDY

Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 15 September, 0844 477 2000, www.brightondome.org For over 25 years Nigel Kennedy has been acknowledged as one of the world's leading violin virtuosos and is without doubt one of the most important violinists Britain has ever produced. Here’s your chance to see him perform live. Nigel will be performing a programme including Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons and will be accompanied on the evening by the Orchestra Of Life and The Nigel Kennedy Band.

8

Latest Brighton Download Chart

10 Tiny Dragons Anthem For The Dark And Handsome Well, it’s another chart rundown and another week at the Number One position for the dominant pop force that is singer-songwriter Panos Christofi with his hit, ‘Satin Doll’.

Meanwhile, the quality dark electronic soundscapery of The Wolfgirl Liberation have crept up to take the number two position this week, with their classy ‘E.V.P’ snapping at the heels of old Panos.

Dealing the chart a decent doubledose of smokey bar-room melancholy swing. Maria McAteer and her band, Her Night At Noon take this week’s third and fourth spots with ‘Take The Blame’ and ‘Drink The Pain Away’ respectively as the moody EBM of Chaos Borne’s ‘Watching’ takes five.

11 Millsy Slug Music Zippit 12 Tenek State Of Mind 13 Fresh Like Dexie Tifa Lockhart 14 The Junkhouse Greed 15 Chris Harvey Graviton 16 Kris Lamba Riding Girl 17 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 18 Hollywood Assassins Switchblade 19 Chaos Borne I Will 20 2bells-Southern Swords DJ TGK SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos

SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC AND VIDEOS Rich Hall

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

022_000_LS533_previews_editorial 01/07/2011 14:33 Page 2

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LATEST PREVIEWS STAGE&CLUBS

L7 Previews

STAGE: A NICE MACAROON Music Theatre 2000 present Victoria Wood’s Acorn Antiques The Musical!

I

f Brucie deserves a knighthood then where is Victoria Wood’s gong? A CBE is scarcely enough for this talented woman. Since winning New Faces back in 1974 she has continuously delivered comedy, songs and drama, on both TV and the stage. Acorn Antiques The Musical! is her all singing, all dancing, stage version of the spoof soap that lampooned the genre and won the hearts of the nation.

The show follows Miss Babs’ struggle to keep her antiques business open, as shop after shop in the High Street is forced out by faceless chains... can she afford to turn down the offer from the Guilty Bean (the world’s second biggest chain of coffee shops – “We’re second so we grind harder”) and if they do update the shop, can they still afford to employ Mrs Overall? Will Mr Clifford ever get his memory back and remember who he is engaged to? And, most worryingly, will Mrs Overall be able to tap dance while holding a tray of coffee and macaroons?

Director Simon Gray and choreographer Nathan Potter have assembled a talented and highly experienced cast, many of whom have appeared in West End and national touring musicals, alongside some of the most talented local musical theatre performers. There will also be a special guest appearance by TV actor Brian Capron – best known for playing the role of murderous Richard Hillman in Coronation Street. This is a great opportunity to catch one of Wood’s funniest works to date.

The Barn Theatre, Southwick, 27–30 July, 7.30pm; 31 July, 5.30pm; Saturday matinee at 2.30pm.

The performance on 29 July is a Gala Performance supporting the Martlets Hospice which will be followed by a reception with the cast.

Tickets from the Barn Theatre Box Office on 01273 597094 or online from www.ticketlord.com/barn.htm follow me on twitter

STAGE: SHAUN THE SHEEP’S BIG SHOW One of children’s television’s best loved characters, Shaun The Sheep, created by the animation giants Aardman, makers of Wallace And Gromit, visited Brighton’s Churchill Square shopping centre to promote his forthcoming appearance at Theatre Royal Brighton. The show, which includes tap dancing pigs, a high kicking farmer and a six foot gliding dog has already delighted audiences across the country.

Shaun’s Big Show, Theatre Royal Brighton, 14–17 July 0844 871 7650 (bkg fee) www.ambassadorstickets.com/ brighton STAGE: HOT TICKET! – TRACIE BENNETT BRINGS END OF THE RAINBOW TO BRIGHTON West End phenomenon Tracie Bennett has been wowing audiences with her awe-inspiring performance as Judy Garland in a run that has been extended and extended to satisfy audience demand. The great news is that the production will be coming to Brighton this autumn and with the original star Tracie. Tracie, who once played Rita’s foster daughter in Coronation Street, has certainly made this role her own and the result is breathtaking. A bravura performance that must leave her exhausted, it certainly does that to

the audience. And its not just a juke box show of greatest hits but a solid and heartbreaking drama that highlights Garland’s weaknesses, demons, addictions and fiery temper.

It even has a moment that relates it to Brighton. Not to be missed, tickets go on general sale 8 July.

End Of The Rainbow, Theatre Royal Brighton, 3–8 October, Box Office 0844 871 7650 (bkg fee) www.ambassadorstickets.com/ brighton CLUBS: ROOTS & BRANCHES PRESENT MAD PROFESSOR AND IRATION STEPPAS With two rooms of reggae, dub and dubstep, featuring Mad Professor.

The Dub music pioneer had worked alongside Lee ‘Scratch’ Perry, Sly and Robbie and other huge artists, and is here to play an exclusive live set of

Shaun The Sheep’S Big Show

reggae and dub, not to be missed.

Concorde 2, 9 July, 11pm–4am, £8

latestandrew

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE! Brighton’s listings in one click: thelatest.co.uk On your mobile: m.thelatest.co.uk

0844 504 0004

Established since May 2009, our Kemp Town-based security services have flourished due to our customer service approach to licensed venue security. If you're looking for SIA licensed Door Supervisors and/or 24hr mobile response call us for a free quotation and free security advice. www.conciergeandsecurity.com – security you can depend on!

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022_000_LS533_previews_editorial 01/07/2011 14:34 Page 3 Talvin Singh

LATEST PREVIEWS MUSIC&CLUBS 25 CLUBS: SOUL JAZZ RECORDINGS PRESENTS 100% DYNAMITE The Soul Jazz Soundsystem are coming to rock Brighton to its core with their selection of reggae, funk, soul, dancehall, old skool, jungle, dubstep and dancefloor killers. This night is going to be dynamite. 100 per cent dynamite. Don't miss it.

Life, 8 July, 11pm–4am, £4 b4 12

duo hide behind feathered masks, the duo performing live original soundtracks to a backdrop of award winning short films. Imagine the visual story telling of a cinema experience mixed with the raw energy and passion of a live gig.

Support comes epic post-rockers Monsters Build Mean Robots.

Latest Musicbar, 8 July, 8pm, £3 MUSIC: EELS Mark Oliver Everett's band made their breakthrough back in 1996 with the album Beautiful Freak, setting the tone for much of his work – melancholy pop record with tormented lyrics. There have been many ups and downs in his life and this will be the first time we here in the UK have been able to catch the band live for some years.

Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 6 July, 7pm, £21

CLUBS: STICKY MIKE'S FROG BAR LAUNCH PARTY A great big launch party to celebrate the new name of this venue; and what a name it is! With live music from some great live acts plus lots of hipshaking sounds from Brighton's premier Partystarters; get ready to be one of them.

Sticky Mike's Frog Bar (formerly Jam), 8 July, 7pm–3am, free MUSIC: NORDIC GIANTS Influenced by the likes of Sigur Ros, Massive Attack and Cinematic Orchestra, this Brighton post-rock

MUSIC: SURFER JOE & HIS BOSS COMBO + LOS FANTASTICOS + THE SPACE AGENCY Wicked line up of irreverent surf twang with the headliners all the way from Italy (!) and Brighton's 'surf 'n' instro's' Los Fantasticos plus the spaced out surfing sounds of The Space Agency bringing up the rear. Surf's up....

Prince Albert, 9 July, 8pm, £5

MUSIC: BRIGHTON BEER FESTIVAL Eat, drink and get your rock on

A

iming to embrace a wider audience than beer festivals traditionally cater for, The Brighton Beer Festival won’t be just about real ale. Lagers and ciders from around the globe will be on offer, as well as a variety of wines and cocktails for those who don't drink beer! From the biggest The Blockheads multi-national brand to the smallest microbrewery ale, there will even be a limited edition beer available at the festival, brewed by Harvey’s called Brighton Breezy.

With a 1,800 daily ticket availability and a beachfront location (The Old Paddling Pool), the festival will be centred in a huge marquee, housing a strong line-up of live music acts from around the country. Headlining Thursday are The Blockheads, still going strong and one of the finest live acts around, now led by Ian Dury’s former friend and minder Derek Hussey, but still featuring four of the original members. Friday night sees the return of Dodgy, a power pop rock trio that rose to prominence during the Britpop era of the ’90s with such hits as ‘Staying Out for the Summer’, ‘If You're Thinking of Me’, and ‘Good Enough’.

Live music will feature over the four days of the festival, including many of Brighton’s finest: Samsara, Brighton Beach Boys, The Grits, Villareal, Kitten & The Hip, Tinroots, Tiny Dragons, James Bay, Slimshack, Jouis, Dr. Bluegrass & The Illbilly 8, Jojo & The Gocats, 900 Spaces and Autumn Red will be performing with DJs in-between acts.

Local radio station Juice 107.2 have been holding the final of a battle of the bands competition with the four bands chosen by the panel playing between noon and 2pm on the Saturday, the winner will win a guided tour around top London recording studio Metropolis including breakfast to see how professional bands record and glean an insight into successful band life, plus six months supply of beer as well the prestigious Brighton Beer Festival Battle of the Bands 2011 trophy.

Tickets are available on a daily basis, £10 in advance or £12 on the door.

There are a number of VIP tickets available for £50 which will give you your very own private reserved table in the VIP lounge area which has the best stage and sea views, six complimentary drinks tokens and a gourmet buffet including a salad bar, fresh oysters on ice, paellas, artisan breads, seasonal foods, all prepared by the chefs from Due South restaurant.

Brighton Beer Festival, 14-17 July, £10 advance each day/£12 door, £50 VIP tickets. www.beerfestbrighton.co.uk. See also p6. follow me on twitter

latestjeff

The Brighton Beach Boys

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE! Brighton’s listings in one click: thelatest.co.uk On your mobile: m.thelatest.co.uk

022_000_LS533_previews_editorial 01/07/2011 14:40 Page 4

Nik Coppin

LATEST PREVIEWS COMEDY&EVENTS

26

COMEDY: HEART OF DARKNESS Andrew Lawrence brings his dark whimsy and twisted pontificating to one of our favourite venues in town

A

ndrew Lawrence has a glint in his dark eyes that tells of mischief and an inclination to go to darker depths than most others in the pursuit of amusement and laughter. He has a quality comedy CV, winning the BBC New Act Of The Year competition in 2004, taking his first solo show to Edinburgh in 2007 to be nominated for the Best Newcomer if.comedy gong, and finding his next show in 2008 nominated for the main award of the Festival. This imp of fun and darkness has been steadily gaining public awareness with his accolades, which was why it was of no surprise when he was given his very own radio show on BBC Radio 4 in 2010 entitled What To Do If You’re Not Like Everybody Else.

The last year has seen him appear on Channel 4’s Stand Up For The Week, Dave’s One Night Stand, as well as heard him on BBC Radio’s Act Your Age and the prestigious News Quiz, and had him nominated for the comedy industry big gun Chortle’s Best Headliner 2010. And we get to see him at the lovely and intimate Upstairs At The Three And Ten. To be fair, this is an Edinburgh preview, so be kind and give him the benefit of the doubt regarding any rough edges you may encounter. Last year’s show was entitled Too Ugly For Television, and this year’s seems equally ready to be filled with bile and diatribes, called as it is The Best Kept Secret In Comedy. Talented, articulate and with sackloads of attitude, this will be an electric show.

Andrew Lawrence: The Best Kept Secret In Comedy, Upstairs At Three And Ten, 6 July, 8pm, £6/5

COMEDY: RUSSELL KANE – WHAT HAPPENS IN... BRIGHTON A free radio event from last year’s Edinburgh prize winner, coming to Brighton on its tour of seaside venues. Brand new BBC Radio 2 show with comics and funnies galore.

Komedia, 8 July, 7.30pm This is a free ticketed event and in accordance with events of this nature will be oversold and seats allocated on a first come first served basis on the night. Your ticket does not guarantee entry

for the Edinburgh Festival.

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 6 July, 9.30pm, £6/5 EVENTS: ONLY IN BRIGHTON TOUR! What makes Brighton unique?

This is an 80-minute fact-filled and lively investigation into all that’s peculiar to Brighton. What is the meaning of Brighton? For the visitor, this tour is an insider’s introduction; and for the hardened Brightonian, it’s a revelation and a celebration.

Meet at Brighton Station, 8 July, 7pm, £7/6 EVENTS: FLOWER AND MUSIC FESTIVAL St Nicholas’ Church is holding a festival of flowers and music. The 900-year-old church will be open from 10am to 5pm each day with flower displays by award-winning arrangers and live music artists. There will also be a concert each evening, at 7.30pm.

St Nicholas Church Brighton, 7–9 July, 10am–5pm, concerts various prices, festival free.

follow me on twitter latestvicky Aidan Goatley

COMEDY: AIDAN GOATLEY – 10 FILMS WITH MY DAD This local chap mixes stand up with funny film-making to provide an engaging evening chronicling the landmark flicks that formed his relationship with his dad. Still at preview stage but engaging and leaving you with a smile and a list for LoveFilm. With support from Jonny Awsum.

The Freemasons pub, 5 July, 8pm, £3

EVENTS: THE SPACE Meet Oscar-winning film editor Chris Dickens and BBC1 Radio Controller, Andy Parfitt. Held every quarter, The Space is a unique entertainment and arts event.

Presented by Lisa Holloway.

Komedia, 7 July, 7.30pm, £8.50/5/50 Andy Parfitt

COMEDY: MATT CROSBY: ADVENTURE PARTY One third of award-winning sketch group Pappy’s, writer for The Now Show (BBC Radio 4), Ask Rhod Gilbert (BBC1), Robert’s Web (C4) and The King Is Dead (BBC3), this is one short comic with a long comical CV. Check out his debut solo show in preview mode before it heads north

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE! Brighton’s listings in one click: thelatest.co.uk On your mobile: m.thelatest.co.uk

022_000_LS533_previews_editorial 01/07/2011 14:36 Page 5

Supported by

LATEST PREVIEWS ART&FILM

27

FILM: THE TREE OF LIFE (12A) Director: Terrence Malick

I

Aimmee Parrott

ART: “R” WE THERE YET? Same Sky and Phoenix Brighton continue their ongoing collaboration for a third year with a young people’s art exhibition.

Young artists from local primary schools are working with Same Sky, a celebratory arts organisation, to make large and small scale pieces of work which are currently being exhibited in the gallery.

Phoenix Art Gallery, 10-14 Waterloo Place, Brighton, 01273 603700.

Until 10 July ART: AIMEE PARROTT Aimee’s practice revolves around the deconstruction and reconstruction of pre-existing imagery, combining digital manipulation with direct observational drawing to create a foundation for paint. Her exhibition cascade will feature new work consisting of watercolours, drawings and oil paintings in her

ethereal and multi-layered style.

Aimee Parrott: Cascade, Ink_d Gallery, 96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299. Until 10 July FILM: TAXI DRIVER – 35TH ANNIVERSARY RESTORATION (18) Dir: Martin Scorsese Scorsese’s Palm D’Or winner remains an American classic, with Robert De Niro turning in a terrific performance as social outcast Travis Bickle, so fine it’s been every lazy impersonator’s calling card when attempting the great actor.

Nursing various resentments, Bickle befriends a 14-year-old prostitute (a very young Jodie Foster, nominated for an Oscar in her role) and makes it his mission to save her.

In a brand new print to mark the film’s anniversary.

Released 8 July Showing at Duke Of York’s Picturehouse For full details of film times: www.odeon.co.uk www.picturehouses.co.uk www.cineworld.co.uk www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

t’s the weekend before the final Harry Potter flick and releases are thin on the ground, film companies not wanting to get squashed between the summer blockbusters of Transformers 3 and the latest offering from the boy wizard. Luckily, this critically acclaimed drama has no such fears as its audience share is unlikely to be fighting with these effect-laden offerings for the punters.

Maverick writer and director Malick (The Thin Red Line, Badlands, The New World) weaves a tale of a jaded Texas businessman (Sean Penn) looking back on his childhood in the ’50s with his father (Brad Pitt). As with many reminiscences it takes turns at being idyllic and sad, especially when set against the sprawl of modern life. Alongside this are shown images of the universe and the Earth’s beginnings.

A hit at the Cannes Film Festival that went on to win the prestigious Palm D’Or, this is the antidote for anyone feeling the bright sunshine of Hollywood’s special effects a little too keenly. Also starring Jessica Chastain as the mother of the piece, and introducing Hunter McCracken playing Penn’s younger self.

Released 8 July Showing at Odeon, Cineworld and Duke Of York’s Picturehouse

Listings Send your stage listings to: stage@thelatest.co.uk Send your comedy listings to: comedy@thelatest.co.uk Send your events listings to: events@thelatest.co.uk Send your arts listings to: art@thelatest.co.uk Send your music listings to: music@thelatest.co.uk Send your club listings to: clubs@thelatest.co.uk Send your gay listings to: gay@thelatest.co.uk

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE! Brighton’s listings in one click: thelatest.co.uk On your mobile: m.thelatest.co.uk

tues july 5

fri july 8

mon july 11

see website for details

nordic giants + monsters build mean robots

the bell jar presents

wed july 6

see website for details thur july 7

oooh! get carter the team behind the fringe festival hit, get carter, take over the whole of the venue for one night of ‘70s excess, celebrating the best in music, comedy, burlesque and film. doors 7.30pm show 8.30pm £8/£6 adv

exquisite cinematic textures from this exciting brighton duo. doors 8pm show 9pm £3

sat july 9

see website for details sun july 10

hutchins guitar presents the sunday sessions autumn red + lucky jim + charlie sloan doors 7pm show 7.45pm £3/£2

dark mesmerising folk music from fran key, one of bristol's finest songwriters, plus support and ‘20s gramophone records, cakes and more. doors 8pm show 8.30pm £3

028_LS533_Stars-TV column_024_LS466_Sports/TV_Column 01/07/2011 13:39 Page 2

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STARS | TV

STARS With Val Aviv

HARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

You need to be true to your most natural self. Take criticism on board without being precious or attached to your ideas.

Others may impose limitations but with good intentions at heart. Think creatively and an opportunity will follow soon.

HTAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

Making an effort to be more social will give you a chance to rebuild a relationship. No man is an Island and you are no exception. While you still need to work hard every day, you’ve got the will power to soldier through and achieve aspirations.

HGEMINI {May 22–June 21}

Feeling energised and willing to step up to bolder new challenges is what will set you apart. Structuring some play time boosts your confidence levels as you remember why it is that you are the most sociable butterfly of the zodiac.

HCANCER {June 22–July 22}

Paying attention to your looks and pampering yourself is appropriate as benevolent Venus sees that you’re at your most charismatic and charming. It is a good time to renew your vows to be nicer to yourself. Love is deep, mysterious and profound.

HLEO {July 23–Aug 22}

Your mind is sharpened by a visit from the communicative Mercury. If there are things you have been longing to say, now is a good time to say it in the right way. Friends have a strong influence helping you see the wood through the trees.

HVIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

Money could be a little tight, but you mustn’t let that stop you from enjoying quality time with old friends. Creativity is at an all time high, in fact the bigger the dream, the bigger your capability to create will be. Being adventurous will be fun.

HLIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

Your charm factor is turned up; full volume - much to the delight of anyone in the near vicinity. Good impressions are yours to make now, this gives you a chance to experience a daily duty as an ideal situation. Give others more space to bring out their best.

HSCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

Could life be more beautiful? If it could, then you will surely know what needs changing. Someone special from a foreign place with a probing mind can open up your life to new possibilities. You may be feeling a wave of romantic affections.

HSAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

You can expect partners to resist being told anything if it involves setting their own ideas down in favour of yours, mutual goals need to be emphasised. Patience with relationships is required, old friends are going to be a great asset, though they may feel like a burden.

HCAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

Love can be complicated and often is. Why? It’s not like you don’t know what you want. Partners are likely to be rather intoxicating; it may be you who is intoxicated. Love is best when it is a union of equals. So try and see things from their point of view.

HAQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

You’re in the mood to get out and have some hedonistic Fun! When was the last time you went truly wild? Or did something creative? You need to express your unique self with vigour, and then create the right impression; you will. Be inspired to work for riches.

HPISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

You have a need to explore the confines of your habitual thought patterns. Are you being to harsh a critique on yourself? Or plagued by fears of the unknown? Not any more; be brazen and bold, this will help you to expand your mind and grow into more awareness.

Val Aviv is the presenter for Brighton Lights on Latest TV www.thelatest.tv For more astrological insights and monthly horoscopes visit www.valaviv.com or for a personal astrological reading contact Val Aviv at: astrology@valaviv.com

L7 TV Your weekly TV guide 85 – 11 JULY should be another Argumental gem in Dave’s crown, unassumingly gathering profile and running for years to come.

It’s based around the talented teams of improvising comics, but also introduces a massive With Victoria Nangle green screen element adding extra layers as Mark Watson from his chair position and various production bods visually heckle and add to the quality content coming up. Thought bubbles materialise as Rufus Hound is challenged to play mind-reader to a member of the audience.

Backgrounds are added to transport Colin Hoult ave may have branded itself as a bit of a and Stephen K Amos to a gay singles bar, and Isy lads’ channel, a mix of Loaded and Top Gear, Suttie joined by Charlie Baker to a school’s parents but the funny thing is that it is actually evening. Costumes manifest over our players building up its own new programme canon. And transforming our players into muscle-bound gym they’re quite good. bods and then into chickens.

With Red Dwarf’s latest It would be over-reaching to offerings being pioneered say that it’s the Terry Gilliam “Thought bubbles and lauded by the self component in the Monty styled ‘home of witty banter’ Python sketches here, but materialise as Rufus channel, as well as Dave’s you get the gist. Fluid, fun Hound is challenged and contributing rather than One Night Stand being recently re-commissioned (as it could so to play mind-reader” hindering and Argumental going from easily if done with a heavy strength to strength, Dave has hand), this is an exploration stealthily become quite a champion for new further than the green screen has gone before, comedy on the sly. No longer the Bravo and all the better for it. replacement many worried it could become with Also joining Mark for this opening gambit of a its ‘blokey’ attitude, it’s carving out a niche of its show was if.comedy winner (formerly the Perrier own, mixing up comedy, gadgets and a few prize) Josie Long, throwing herself into the adventuring spirits. It’s what your mate Dave proceedings with a rap that’s not to be missed. would really watch as opposed to what TV execs This is a great first episode, a jumping off point might expect him to be titillated/morbidly with a fantastically hand-picked cast and fascinated by for five minutes after a night in the contributing others (check the credits for a couple of pub now sat on the sofa with a kebab in his hand. members of award-winning sketch group Pappy’s).

The latest addition to the quietly developing Hopefully that will mean more in the pipeline. stable of new programmes is Improvisation My The Dave channel launched its name by saying Dear Mark Watson. With the pilot out this week, that everyone has a friend called Dave. I’m we’ll see what kind of response it gets and beginning to think we’ve got a friend in Dave too. whether that response will warrant a full series.

Improvisation My Dear Mark Watson, Dave, But with the amount of fun and laugh out loud Tuesday 5 July, 10pm moments, it delivers pretty much from the first follow me on twitter latestvicky minute. If there’s any justice in the TV world this

Telly Talk

Cheers Dave D

029_LS533_TV_Tues_L7wed14apr.qxd 01/07/2011 10:32 Page 1

tuesday 5 Imagine... Pharaoh’s Museum On Liberation Square BBC1, 10.35pm Former BBC1 controller, Alan Yentob, visits Egypt’s National Museum in Cairo’s Tahrir Square.

The museum was caught up in the country’s recent revolution; here Alan looks at another Egyptian uprising 4,000 years ago. With Alexandria-born actor Omar Sharif.

Great British Railway Journeys BBC2, 6.30pm Speaking of second careers, Tory ex-cabinet member Michael Portillo has carved out a decent career as a TV presenter or industrial irritant, depending on taste. This series sees him travel coast to coast, from Brighton to Cromer, learning about the UK’s railway history as he goes.

Angry Boys BBC3, 1.10am After the runaway success of mockumentary Summer Heights High, antipodean comic Chris Lilley’s new exercise in wellobserved character comedy has had somewhat mixed reviews.

Still, if you like your laughs awkward and mixed with cringing horror, this tale of troubled teenage boys could be your bag.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Britain’s Bravest Cops 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Food Fighters 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.40 Doctors 2.10 Only Fools And Horses 3.05 Copycats 3.35 Scoop 4.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 4.25 Stuck On Sheep Mountain 4.55 Shaun The Sheep 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless Celebrities

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Matt Baker and Alex Jones present stories about you.

Not you literally, but the British public... you get the drift.

7.30 EastEnders Ronnie resolves to deal with Michael once and for all when he frames her.

8.00 Holby City Sahira defies Hanssen in an attempt to save the cardiac trauma unit and Darwin, but will her daredevil plan prove more trouble than it is worth? Get in.

9.00 Luther Luther’s personal and professional life spirals out of control as he tries to cover up Toby’s death and appease a suspicious Baba. Idris Elba may very well pull his ‘serious, thoughtful’ face once again.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Imagine... The Pharaoh’s Museum On Liberation Square o See highlights.

11.25 The Scheme Documentary series following six families living in a Kilmarnock housing scheme.

12.15am Weatherview 12.20 Sign Zone: The Country House Revealed. 1.20 Britain’s Secret Seas.

2.20 Fake Britain With Dominic Littlewood. 3.05 Island Parish.

3.35 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am- 9.15 Children’s television 9.15 Guess With Jess 9.30 Nina And The Neurons: In The Lab 9.45 Chuggington: Badge Quest 9.50 Big Cook Little Cook 10.10 Little Charley Bear 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Diagnosis Murder 1.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Flog It! 3.45 Antiques Road Trip 4.30 The Weakest Link 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts know-it-alls versus brainiacs.

Today featuring the World Quiz Champion. Formidable.

6.30 Great British Railway Journeys See highlights.

7.00 Coast Adventure in Scotland around the Western Isles and out to the northern outpost of Shetland. On Eriskay, Nick Crane gets unique access to the island’s close-knit communities. Wicker Man thoughts will likely be scuppered by the disappointingly friendly locals though.

8.00 Restoration Home Crumbling, ancient houses are brought back to life by passionate owners.

9.00 Should I Test My Genes?

The Price Of Life When the mother of award-winning director Adam Wishart died of cancer he decided to find out if there was a family cancer gene, and if there would be any benefit from knowing.

10.00 Lead Balloon Crumple-faced comic Rick embraces fame after his hostage situation. With an offer of a reality TV appearance, this is very near-the-knuckle stuff for Mr Dee. 10.30 Newsnight Jezza talks tough.

11.20 Women’s World Cup Highlights Gabby Logan introduces Fifa Women’s World Cup highlights.

12.00am The Tudors Historical drama series. Henry turns against Cardinal Wolsey. 12.50 BBC News.

ITV1

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Ten Mile Menu 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Dinner Date

6.00 Meridian Tonight.

6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Alicia tells Leyla to back off about Spain.

7.30 Animal Kingdom British vet Steve Leonard looks at some of the Erindi Game Reserve’s smaller animals and gets to grips with a potentially deadly scorpion. Eek. 8.00 Countrywise Paul Heiney goes to Yorkshire’s Bridlington coast, where his ancestors were fishermen and where he enjoyed holidays as a child. Last in the series.

9.00 Sextuplets: The Little Lambs This would be so much better were it about a woman who inexplicably gave birth to six actual lambs.

Unfortunately, no such luck as this doc looks at the first sextuplets born in England for 17 years. Cameras have exclusive access to Vicky and Andy Lamb and their five-year-old daughter Grace as they adapt.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 FILM: Pitch Black (2000) Starring Vin Diesel. Sci-fi drama; the breakout role for gruff-voiced Vin. 12.30am The Zone ITV1’s place to shop and play. Including features from QVC and Challenge Jackpot.

2.35 Crossing Jordan Crime drama series about a Boston medical examiner. 3.25 ITV Nightscreen Text-based information service.

5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 According To Jim 8.55 Friends 9.25 Back To You 9.50 Relocation, Relocation 10.55 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Superscrimpers: Waste Not Want Not 12.35 River Cottage Bites 12.55 FILM: The Sea Chase (1955) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ethan questions Cindy about stolen cash, resulting in Mitzeee’s arrest. Can’t believe there are so many Es in that name.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present Ellie Simmonds 2012 With Ellie Simmonds MBE – two time Paralympic Gold Medallist Swimmer.

8.00 4 Rooms Members of the public face-off against professional dealers.

Featuring a rare painting by Marilyn Monroe, a life-size mechanical baby elephant and a stuffed frog collection.

9.00 Undercover Boss High-flying company executives go undercover at their own businesses. This week, Jacqueline Gold, of Ann Summers, goes undercover. Cue underwear pun.

10.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon Ramsay heads to America to shout at people.

11.05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Guests Thandie Newton, Ben Miller, Jo Frost and Liam Gallagher, whose band Beady Eye also perform.

12.05am 4thought.tv. 12.10 PokerStars.com. 1.10 Asian Beach Volleyball 2.05 Mobil 1 The Grid 2.35 Avon Tyres British GT Championship 3.00 KOTV Boxing Weekly 3.30 Toshiba Windsor Triathlon. 4.25 That Paralympic Show 4.55 Grudge Match 5.05 Man On Earth With Tony Robinson

Channel Five

6.00am- 8.40 Children’s television 8.40 Hana’s Helpline 8.50 The WotWots 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 The Wright Stuff Extra With Gabby Logan 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ice Road Truckers 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 3.15 FILM: Vernie (2004) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Home And Away Marilyn and Nicole are reconciled, but Sid is not so happy when he discovers what his partner’s been doing behind his back.

The ‘kick me’ sticker wasn’t popular.

6.25 OK! TV Kate Walsh and Matt Johnson gossip like fishwives.

7.00 5 News At 7.

7.30 Mexican Food Made Simple Thomasina Miers seeks out some fresh Mexican dishes as she travels around the country sampling its food and its culture.

8.00 Monster Moves The team of experts tows a decommissioned submarine-rescue vessel 1,600 miles, before conducting a sinking in the waters off the Cayman Islands.

9.00 CSI: All-Time Top 10 Catherine becomes the victim of a date-rape.

10.00 CSI: All-Time Top 10 Las Vegas-based forensic drama. Grissom and Sara attempt to solve the mystery of a miniature crime scene.

11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation A husband and wife are found dead in different locations around the same hotel.

11.55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation A roadside murder is a case of mistaken identity.

12.55am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.00 Meals In Moments . 4.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge. 4.55 County Secrets.

5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Twenty20 Cricket 11.00 Elite League Speedway 1.00pm Twenty20 Cricket 3.00 Elite League Speedway 5.00 Ashes Memories - Gilly Goes Ballistic 5.30 LIVE Twenty20 Cricket 9.00 Ashes Memories - Gilly Goes Ballistic 9.30 Football’s Greatest 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am Football Asia 1.30 Football’s Greatest 2.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.00 Twenty20 Cricket 5.00 Football Asia 5.30 Football’s Greatest

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Surf 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 NASCAR 9.00 Absolute Match Fishing 9.30 LGU Golf Monthly 10.00 European Tour Golf 11.00 PGA Tour Golf 12.00pm Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 1.30 PGA Tour Classic 2.30 LGU Golf Monthly 3.00 International Bowls 5.00 Motor Sport 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All - The Tries 7.00 Barbados PFA Legends Football 9.00 World Cup Of Pool 10.00 Poker 12.00am Barbados PFA Legends Football 2.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 3.00 Golf 4.00 Golf 5.00 Cycling 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 9.00am The Premiership Years 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm NASCAR 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All - The Tries 2.00 Wild Spirits 2.30 Absolute Match Fishing 3.00 The Premiership Years 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Cycling Sports World 7.30 Cycling 8.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 9.00 European Seniors Golf 10.00 Golf 11.00 Golf 12.00am Golfing World 1.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 2.00 Karting 3.00 World Cup Of Pool 4.00 FIA GT1 World Championship 5.00 Close

Nick Aldwinckle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

12.00pm Stargate Atlantis (x2) 2.00 Verminators 3.00 Customs UK (x2) 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Oops TV 5.30 Futurama 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Next Door Nightmares 9.00 A League Of Their Own...Unseen 10.00 FILM: Total Recall (1990) 12.10am Brit Cops: Zero Tolerance

8.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.00 Kill It, Cut It, Use It 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Angry Boys 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Mongrels 12.15am Kill It, Cut It, Use It 1.10 Angry Boys (see highlights) 1.40 Total Wipeout: Champion Of Champions 2.40 The World’s Strictest Parents 3.40 Mongrels

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Art Deco Icons 8.00 Agony & Ecstasy: A Year With English National Ballet 9.00 Perfume 10.00 Glamour’s Golden Age 11.00 Feasts 12.00am Perfume 1.00 Agony & Ecstasy: A Year With English National Ballet 2.00 Glamour’s Golden Age 3.00 Perfume 5.30 Close

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x2) 6.45 Take Me Out 8.00 Animals Do The Funniest Things 9.00 America’s Got Talent: Performance 2 11.00 FILM: The Holiday (2006) 1.45am Emmerdale

10.50am Hornblower 1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Monarch Of The Glen 3.05 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.05 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Monarch Of The Glen 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 A Touch Of Frost 12.10am Numb3rs 1.05 ITV3 Nightscreen

1.05pm Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.00 Hollyoaks 2.30 Gilmore Girls 3.25 Glee 4.25 Friends (x3) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 10.00 The Cleveland Show (x2) 11.00 The Ricky Gervais Show (x2) 12.10am The Big Bang Theory

2.30pm Come Dine With Me 3.05 The Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories 12.05am Come Dine With Me 1.10 True Stories

11.00am The North Star (1943) 1.05pm Can-Can (1960) 3.45 Carry On Teacher (1962) 5.30 The Virgin Queen (1955) 7.20 Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993) 9.00 High Crimes (2002) 11.15 Harsh Times (2005) 1.25am Summer Interlude (1950) 3.15 Woody Allen On Bergman 3.40 Close

thelatest

.TV

www.thelatest.tv If you want to join us to make a TV channel for Brighton on terrestrial TV come to Latest Musicbar. 5.30pm Mondays

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030_LS533_TV_Wed_L7wed14apr.qxd 01/07/2011 15:55 Page 1

wednesday 6 Attenborough’s Journey BBC2, 7pm Surely Sir David Attenborough is everyone’s favourite old-timer.

With his kindly whisper and sprightly enthusiasm for the natural world, the octogenarian globetrotter recalls some of his favourite places he’s travelled to in over 50 years of wildlife broadcasting. He’s been everywhere, so this should be ace.

Afghanistan: The Unknown Country BBC2, 9pm You always see Afghanistan on the news for the wrong reasons.

War, terrorism and human rights abuses have tarnished the image of this fascinating nation. This series shows a different side to the central Asian country, from its spectacular natural beauty to its rich cultural heritage and history.

Judge Judy ITV2, 5.40pm “I don’t want to be Judge Judy and executioner,” wailed Nick Frost’s character in Hot Fuzz.

Indeed, the lady herself is here so you don’t have to. Passing judgement on domestic disputes with that blend of condescension and absurdity, if you’re home from work in time, why not embrace your inner trailer trash?

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Britain’s Bravest Cops 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Food Fighters 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.40 Doctors 2.10 Only Fools And Horses 3.05 Copycats 3.35 Scoop 4.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 4.25 Stuck On Sheep Mountain 4.55 Shaun The Sheep 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless Celebrities

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Matt Baker and Alex Jones hang out with the usual array of earnest-faced celebrities.

7.30 Waterloo Road Chris’s defiant behaviour threatens to jeopardise Karen’s job and the school’s future.

8.30 In With The Flynns Comedy.

Liam buys a guitar with some money Chloe thinks should be spent on her school ski trip. War ensues.

9.00 The Apprentice Lord Sugar’s firing finger will destroy someone.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws.

10.45 Not Going Out Sitcom. After a night out clubbing, Tim returns home with the wrong coat. Sounds hilarious.

11.15 Him & Her Comedy-drama series today’s 20-somethings.

Starring Being Human’s friendly werewolf, Russell Tovey.

11.45 FILM: Life (1999) Starring Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence.

Comedy drama about two friends who spend 60 years in a Mississippi state prison for a murder they did not commit. Actually feels like 60 years.

1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: Bang Goes The Theory. 2.00 Country Tracks 2.55 Richard Hammond’s Engineering Connections.

3.45 Saints And Scroungers

BBC2

6.00am-9.15 Children’s television 9.15 Guess With Jess 9.30 Nina And The Neurons: In The Lab 9.45 Chuggington: Badge Quest 9.50 Big Cook Little Cook 10.10 Little Charley Bear 10.15 ZingZillas 10.40 Waybuloo 11.00 In The Night Garden 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm Diagnosis Murder 1.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Flog It! 3.45 Antiques Road Trip 4.30 The Weakest Link 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz featuring an all-star super-team.

6.30 Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo visits the Government Arms Factory at Enfield.

7.00 Attenborough’s Journey See highlights.

8.00 Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May are in Italy to take part in a series of tricky challenges and increasingly loud arguments as they attempt to find the world’s best hot hatchback.

You know the deal.

9.00 Afghanistan: The Unknown Country See highlights 10.00 The Apprentice: You’re Fired Apprentice fans including comedian Ruby Wax talk to the recent victim of Sir Alan/Lord Sugar’s righteous ire.

10.30 Newsnight Jeremy Paxman scowls as he ponders the news.

11.20 James May’s Things You Need To Know... Do you ever stop to contemplate the wonder of your body? In this series, James May does just that. He gets around.

11.50 James May’s Things You Need To Know... .Top Gear’s ‘nice one’ contemplates astronomy.

12.20am James May’s Things You Need To Know... Even more May; this time about the weather.

12.50 The Tudors. Previously taboo teachings appeal to Henry.

1.45 BBC News

ITV1

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Ten Mile Menu 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Dinner Date

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather.

7.00 Emmerdale Jimmy resorts to desperate measures. Leyla’s fears grow as Alicia plans a visit to Spain.

Gennie remains frosty with Nikhil.

7.30 Poms In Paradise Last in the documentary series following some of the British expats who have chosen to settle Down Under in Queensland’s Gold Coast. In this episode, Naz and Roshana cook up a storm in a British-style balti house, football coach Phelo talks about settling in to life in Australia and accountant Lorraine ventures into the country’s party capital.

8.00 Lewis Lewis and Hathaway are called in when religious fanatic Steven Mullan is found scalded and drowned in his bath. Ouch.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 Car Crime UK Trevor McDonald looks at the work of specialist police car crime teams.

11.35 Sextuplets – The Little Lambs Documentary about the first sextuplets born in England for 17 years.

12.30am The Zone ITV1’s place to shop and play. Including features from QVC and Challenge Jackpot.

2.30 FILM: Rio Bravo (1959) Classic western in a small Texas border town under the grip of an evil cattle baron..

4.45 ITV Nightscreen Text-based information service.

5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 According To Jim 8.55 Friends 9.25 Back To You 9.50 Relocation, Relocation 10.55 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Relocation: Phil Down Under 1.05 River Cottage Bites 1.10 FILM: The Malta Story (1953) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Mitzeee is anxious as Ethaaan questions her.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present... Stephen Miller A look at Stephen Miller, triple Paralympic gold medallist club thrower.

8.00 Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance Parenting expert Jo Frost sends everyone to the naughty step.

9.00 24 Hours In A&E Following patients at the A&E department of King’s College Hospital over 24 hours.

10.00 Desperate Housewives A big dinner party thrown in honour of one of the ladies results in a shocking murder. Sounds like Albert Square.

11.05 8 Out Of 10 Cats Uncut Jimmy Carr hosts an extended panel show with captains Sean Lock and Jon Richardson, and guests Gok Wan, Sarah Millican, Seann Walsh and The Only Way Is Essex’ Amy Childs.

11.50 4thought.tv Documentaries on religious and ethical issues.

11.55 Live From Abbey Road With Rumer and Villagers playing live 12.45am MUSIC ON 4: Linkin Park: Live From Madison Square Gardens US rockers caught live.

1.10 MUSIC ON 4: 4Play: AWOL Nation Music Series. 1.25 The Album Chart Show. 1.40 FILM: South Central LA (1992) . 3.25 Stonehouse Reunion.

3.30 Hill Street Blues. 4.25 One Tree Hill. 5.10 Countdown 5.55 Sali Mali

Channel Five

6.00am-8.40 Children’s television 8.40 Hana’s Helpline 8.50 The WotWots 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 The Wright Stuff Extra With Gabby Logan 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ice Road Truckers 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 3.15 FILM: Double Wedding (2010) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Cycling Sports World 9.30 Cycling 10.00 Football Asia 10.30 Live Rugby League: State Of Origin 1.30pm LIVE ODI Cricket 10.00 Cricket: England V Australia Classic 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 Football’s Greatest 12.00am ODI Cricket 2.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Cricket: England V Australia Classic 4.00 ODI Cricket

Sky Sports 2 6.00 Home And Away Charlie ditches her detective exams to intervene on a dangerous reef surfing trip. Only in Summer Bay. 6.25 OK! TV Kate Walsh and Matt Johnson present a mix of celebrity gossip, interviews and other fluff 7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Zoo Days Documentary series from Colchester Zoo, presented by Konnie Huq. There are serious doubts about the future of the tiger cubs.

Hard to decide who to adore more: lovely Konnie or the tiger cubs.

8.00 The Removal Men: Pickfords Documentary series follows removal men at work. When a couple move to the Isles of Scilly, a helicopter fault nearly puts paid to the job. This or Top Gear? Genuinely tough choice.

9.00 NCIS The murder of a petty officer leads the agents on a frantic hunt for a missing infant.

10.00 CSI: Miami When a councilman is murdered, the evidence points to a petty criminal whose DNA is found on the victim’s property.

11.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series.

11.55 Cricket: England V Sri Lanka ODI Mark Nicholas presents.

12.55am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.00 Meals In Moments . 4.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge. 4.35 Michaela’s Wild Challenge. 5.00 County Secrets.

5.10 Wildlife SOS. 5.35 House Doctor.

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Surf 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Cricket: Friends Life T20 10.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 11.00 Golf 12.00pm Golf 1.00 Barbados PFA Legends Football 3.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 4.00 WWE Afterburn 5.00 National Indoor Bowls 6.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Rugby League: State Of Origin 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 Rugby League: State Of Origin 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Super League 1.30 Rugby League: State Of Origin 2.30 Trans World Sport 3.30 Super League 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Motor Sport 7.00 Golf: European Challenge Tour 8.00 British Motocross Championship 9.00 The Premiership Years 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Motor Sport 2.00 Cycling 2.30 Cycling Sports World 2.55 LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 Champions Tour Golf 11.00 Trans World Sport 12.00am National Indoor Bowls 1.00 Inside The PGA Tour 1.30 European Tour Weekly 2.00 PGA EuroPro Tour Golf 4.00 Champions Tour Golf

Nick Aldwinckle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

12.00pm Stargate Atlantis (x2) 2.00 Verminators 3.00 Customs UK (x2) 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Oops TV 5.30 Futurama 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Emergency With Angela Griffin 9.00 Brit Cops: Zero Tolerance 10.00 Cop Squad 11.00 Next Door Nightmares 12.00am The Chicago Code

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes 9.00 FILM: Ransom (1996) 10.55 Family Guy (x2) 11.40 Pop’s Greatest Dance Crazes 12.40am American Dad! (x8) 3.35 Doctor Who 4.20 Kill It, Cut It, Use It 5.30 Close

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Beauty Of Maps 8.00 Maps: Power, Plunder And Possession 9.00 The Perfect Suit 10.00 Nurse Jackie 10.30 Syrian School 11.30 Wallander 1.00am Maps: Power, Plunder And Possession 2.00 Syrian School 3.00 The Perfect Suit 5.30 Close

12.30pm Nanny 911 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 The Marriage Ref 8.00 America’s Got Talent: Results 2 9.00 Benidorm 10.00 FILM: American Pie (1999) 11.55 FILM: The Pelican Brief (1993) 2.35am Emmerdale

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Monarch Of The Glen 3.05 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.05 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.45 Monarch Of The Glen 7.55 The Best Of The Royal Variety 9.00 Rod Stewart Uncut: Piers Morgan’s Life Stories 10.30 Blue Murder 12.05am Life 12.55 Film File

12.10pm Heartland 1.10 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.00 Hollyoaks 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Glee 4.25 Friends (x3) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 FILM: Epic Movie (2007) 10.50 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 11.50 My Name Is Earl (x2) 12.50am Glee 1.40 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

2.30pm Come Dine With Me 3.05 The Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 Time Team 10.00 My Mother Diana 11.05 Di’s Guys 1.10am My Mother Diana 2.10 Di’s Guys

11.00am The Long Memory (1953) 12.50pm There’s No Business Like Show Business (1954) 3.05 Sunset Boulevard (1950) 5.15 Donovan’s Reef (1963) 7.20 Dumb And Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003) 9.00 The Thin Red Line (1998) 12.15am Scary Movie 2 (2001) 1.50 Waiting Women (1952)

thelatest

.TV

Brighton Lights 28

www.thelatest.tv

Brighton Fashion Week is going from rags to riches.

Watch Will Ranieri and Jenni Davidson's documentary on the city’s fashion festival.

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031_LS533_TV_Thu_L7wed14apr.qxd 01/07/2011 15:56 Page 1

thursday 7 The Apprentice: The Final Five BBC1, 9pm OMG! It’s the final five candidates for the big job and we get to find out a bit more. Maybe put them in a better light than some of the editing has so far.

Hmm. With profiles on each of them explaining how they got where thay are today, maybe one will stand out to Lord Sugar.

The Killing Channel 4, 9pm Yes, it was brilliant in Danish but will this incredible thriller translate in its American remake guise? Only one way to find out.

Starting out the same, Detective Sarah Linden is about to move cities, jobs and lives when the body of 17-year-old Rosie Larsen is discovered. Future plotlines are not guaranteed to be so faithful.

World’s Craziest Fools BBC3, 8pm Pity the fool, don’t get our host on no crazy plane, and don’t play him for no sucker. Mr T is here!

Really, really. Tracking down the world’s craziest fools in this clip show, using animation as well as live action and funny phone calls.

So, the format is hardly new but it’s Mr T! He could read the phone book and it’s be cool, fool!

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Britain’s Bravest Cops 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Food Fighters 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.40 Doctors 2.10 Only Fools And Horses 3.05 Copycats 3.35 Scoop 4.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 4.25 Stuck On Sheep Mountain 4.55 Shaun The Sheep 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless Celebrities

6.00 – 9.15am Children’s television 9.15 Guess With Jess 9.30 Nina And The Neurons: In The Lab 9.45 Chuggington: Badge Quest 9.50 Big Cook Little Cook 10.10 Little Charley Bear 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Diagnosis Murder 1.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Flog It! 3.45 Antiques Road Trip 4.30 The Weakest Link 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it has Britain talking then it will be talked about on the One Show.

7.30 EastEnders Michael carries out his final, devastating act of revenge against Ronnie on the day of her sentencing – but can she convince Roxy of her innocence before it’s too late?

8.30 Traffic Cops Documentary series following the traffic police as they enforce the law on Britain’s roads. It is a case of right place, right time for the Bedfordshire traffic police when they pull over a motorist taking his kids to school, only to find illegal drugs in his car.

9.00 The Apprentice: The Final Five See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs the topical debates in front of an invited studio audience, with a panel of guests from the world of politics.

11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil, with Michael Portillo and guests.

12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Why Hate Junk Mail? Panorama 12.55 Countryfile 1.55 Britain’s Next Big Thing 2.55 Fake Britain 3.40 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quizn.

6.30 Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo takes to the tracks with a copy of George Bradshaw’s Victorian Railway Guidebook. Cripes!

7.00 BBC Samuel Johnson Prize For Non-Fiction 2011: A Culture Show Special A Culture Show special on the BBC Samuel Johnson Prize for Non-Fiction 2011.

8.00 Hampton Court Palace Flower Show 2011 Joe Swift, Rachel de Thame and Alys Fowler join Monty Don to celebrate the 2011 RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show.

9.00 History Cold Case Professor Sue Black and her team use forensic science to shed light on the past. In 2008, construction workers just beyond York’s city walls uncovered 113 bodies in a mass grave. Lumme.

10.00 Mock The Week Dara O Briain and the team tickle the ribs of another week with guests Ed Byrne, Micky Flanagan and Jack Whitehall.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 Golf: Scottish Open Highlights Highlights from 2011 Scottish Open.

12.20am BBC Samuel Johnson Prize For Non-Fiction 2011: A Culture Show Special 1.20 News

ITV1

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Ten Mile Menu 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Dinner Date

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Will Nicola find out that Jimmy has been going behind her back? Has this run its course?

7.30 Meltdown On The Railways: Tonight The number of passengers travelling by train has reached its highest level since the Second World War. Many services are already struggling to cope with the rising demand and bigger problems are being promised for the future.

8.00 Emmerdale Sparks fly when Nicola learns the truth about Jimmy’s secret time with Angelica.

8.30 Coronation Street Fiz’s decision shocks Roy and Hayley.

9.00 Kate In Canada Mary Nightingale follows the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on their first royal tour, which begins in Canada.

From the country’s vibrant cities to the wilderness of the Arctic Circle, Mary will be with Kate every step.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Russell Brand Piers Morgan presents the first major interview with actor and comedian Russell Brand since the Sachsgate scandal.

11.35 Odd One In Bradley Walsh hosts the hilarious gameshow.

12.20am The Zone 2.20 Meltdown On The Railways: Tonight 2.50 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 According To Jim 8.55 Friends 9.25 Back To You 9.50 Country House Rescue 10.55 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 11.55 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present Ellie Simmonds 2012 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Relocation: Phil Down Under 1.00 Channel 4 Racing 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Brendan plays it cool with Warren and insists he does not know where his money is.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present...Danielle Brown 2012 8.00 Help! My House Is Falling Down Sarah Beeny helps a singlemum fix a 1950s bungalow in Lytham St Annes that is splitting apart.

When Carole inherited her father’s bungalow, it should have been the perfect place to live her dream of the ‘Good Life’. However, alarming cracks have appeared in the property and the floors are sloping.

9.00 The Killing See highlights.

10.55 King Of...Uncut Claudia Winkleman‘s guests are Lorraine Kelly and Jack Whitehall.

11.45 4thought.tv 11.50 The Vue Film Show Looking at the week’s biggest movie releases.

12.25am New Look Style The Nation Highlights of the fashion show offering the UK’s best budding stylists the chance of a job with fashion retailer New Look. Nick Grimshaw scours the streets of Glasgow to find the most fashion hungry stylist the UK has to offer.

12.50 MUSIC ON 4: 4Play: Overtones 1.05 A Very Dangerous Doctor 2.30 Landlords From Hell: Dispatches 3.25 Hill Street Blues 4.20 One Tree Hill 5.05 Grudge Match 5.15 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Hana’s Helpline 8.50 The WotWots 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 The Wright Stuff Extra With Gabby Logan 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ice Road Truckers 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 3.15 FILM: Bonneville (2006) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away In the aftermath of the lightening strike, Colleen begins to fear that she was punished by God for being uncharitable to Elijah. Harpy lady.

6.25 OK! TV Kate Walsh and Matt Johnson present a lively mix.

7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn learns how cars are built with robots, how bottles are sealed using tree bark, and how sea water is turned into fresh drinking water.

8.00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks And Trailers Documentary. A veteran long-distance lorry driver takes on a nightmare journey around London.

9.00 Cowboy Builders Dom Littlewood and Melinda Messenger track down the UK’s most terrible tradesmen and put right their botched jobs. The dynamic duo come to the aid of a pair of newlyweds whose simple extension plans have descended into chaos.

10.00 Candy Bar Girls Reality series following the regulars at Soho’s iconic lesbian establishment, the Candy Bar. Promotions manager Sandra holds a photoshoot to find the face of the newly revamped bar.

11.00 Police Interceptors 12.00am SCXTRA 12.30 SuperCasino 4.00 Meals In Moments 4.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (x2) 5.00 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 European Tour Weekly 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: Barclays Scottish Open 1.30pm Inside The PGA Tour 2.00 ODI Cricket 4.00 Cricket: England V Australia Classic 4.30 Total Rugby 5.00 Football’s Greatest 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 LIVE Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 Football’s Richest Prize 11.00 Time Of Our Lives 12.00am Twenty20 Cricket 2.00 Football’s Richest Prize 3.30 Barclays Premier League World 4.00 Twenty20 Cricket

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Surf 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 ODI Cricket 10.00 Rugby League: State Of Origin 11.00 Super League 12.30pm Kings Of The Surf 1.00 Total Rugby 1.30 Trans World Sport 2.30 Champions Tour Golf 3.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 6.30 Football’s Richest Prize 8.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 11.00 LIVE US Women’s Open 2.00am European Tour Golf 3.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Close 7.00 PGA EuroPro Tour Golf 9.00 The Premiership Years 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm National Indoor Bowls 1.00 Watersports World 2.00 Kings Of The Surf 2.30 Total Rugby 2.55 LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 NFL - Total Access 2.00 Racemax 3.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 3.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 4.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

2.00pm Verminators 3.00 Customs UK (x2) 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Oops TV 5.30 Futurama 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 Hawaii Five-0 8.30 Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2 Special 9.00 The Chicago Code 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Law And Order 12.00am Brit Cops: Zero Tolerance

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 World’s Craziest Fools. See highlights. 8.30 EastEnders Greatest Exits 10.00 EastEnders 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 EastEnders Greatest Exits 1.15am Kill It, Cut It, Use It 2.15 Mongrels 2.45 World’s Craziest Fools 3.15 Kids Behind Bars 4.15 Kill It, Cut It, Use It 5.30 Close

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Sky At Night 8.00 Forty Years On The Moon 9.00 High Flyers: How Britain Took To The Air 10.00 Valentino - The Last Emperor: Storyville 11.30 Guilty Pleasures: Luxury In The Middle Ages 12.30am Ford’s Dagenham Dream 1.30 Forty Years On The Moon 2.30 The Sky At Night

12.30pm Nanny 911 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 8.00 America’s Got Talent: Performance 3 10.00 ITunes Festival 2011 11.00 The Only Way Is Essex (x2) 12.30am Coronation Street

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Monarch Of The Glen 3.05 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.05 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.05 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.45 Heartbeat 6.45 Monarch Of The Glen 8.00 Monk 9.00 Rebus 10.00 Inspector Morse 12.20am The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 1.15 ITV3 Nightscreen

1.05pm Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.00 Hollyoaks 2.30 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Glee 4.30 Friends (x2) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 The Big Bang Theory 9.30 How I Met Your Mother 10.00 The Inbetweeners (x2) 11.05 My Name Is Earl (x2) 12.00am FILM: Dog Soldiers (2002)

2.30pm Come Dine With Me 3.05 The Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 One Born Every Minute USA 10.00 Shameless 11.10 The Closer 12.05am One Born Every Minute USA

1.10pm The Shepherd Of The Hills (1941) 3.05 The House On 92nd Street (1945) 4.50 Barefoot In The Park (1967) 6.55 Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989) 9.00 Borat (2006) 10.40 The New World (2005) 1.20am Smiles Of A Summer Night (1955) 3.30 Woody Allen On Bergman 3.50 Close

thelatest

.TV

Brighton Lights 28

www.thelatest.tv

Liz Bishop says Brighton Fashion Week will be one of the biggest fashion fests in the world within five years. We believe her.

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032_LS533_TV_Fri_L7wed14apr.qxd 01/07/2011 15:53 Page 1

friday 8 8 Out Of 10 Cats Channel 4, 9pm So, you want to know what everyone’s been talking about but can’t be bothered to pick up a paper/watch the news/surf the Internet. Put like that, it makes you either very lazy or very busy indeed! Either way, join Jimmy Carr, Jon Richardson, Sean Lock, Sarah Millican, Patsy Kensit and Dr Christian to get your answers.

Castle Five, 9pm Nathan Fillion should really be being a space cowboy a la Serenity, but being a crime busting pernickety novelist will just have to do. This week his final Derrick Storm novel is released (we love that name!) and the body of a city councillor is discovered in a rug. Was it a rug that tied the room together?

Film: The Beach Film4, 11.10pm Wishing you had a summer holiday to escape to? Voila!

Here’s the ultimate. Join Leonardo Di Caprio as he follows the map from the dying cartoonnamed man to the ultimate Thai getaway from civilisation. The only problem with getting away from civilisation is that it’s just not civilised. Uh oh.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Britain’s Bravest Cops 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Food Fighters 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.40 Doctors 2.10 Only Fools And Horses 3.05 Copycats 3.35 Scoop 4.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 4.25 Stuck On Sheep Mountain 4.55 Shaun The Sheep 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless Celebrities

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 The Good Cook Award-winning food writer Simon Hopkinson shares his passion and expertise.

8.00 EastEnders Eddie is forced to intervene when a vengeful Jack hunts Michael down to make him pay for his manipulations.

8.30 A Question Of Sport Quiz.

9.00 My Family Sitcom. Kenzo seems to be the victim of a revenge campaign by Michael’s old art teacher. Really?!

9.30 Miranda Sitcom. Miranda knows she is not exactly cool, but being young, free and single has its advantages, like jetting off to Thailand on holiday for a few days.

For less bother, though, she books into the hotel across the road.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show A compilation of the best guests and moments from the last two series.

11.20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws Numbers and hope.

11.30 FILM: Lord Of War (2005) Starring Nicolas Cage, Bridget Moynahan, Jared Leto. Satirical action thriller.

1.20am The One Show 1.50 Weatherview 1.55 Sign Zone: The Spice Trail 2.55 Miami Mega-Jail 3.55 BBC News

BBC2

6.00 – 9.30am Chilren’s television 9.30 Nina And The Neurons: In The Lab 9.45 Chuggington: Badge Quest 9.50 Big Cook Little Cook 10.10 Little Charley Bear 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The New Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Diagnosis Murder 1.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Flog It! 3.45 Antiques Road Trip 4.30 The Weakest Link 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Quiz.

6.30 Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo takes to the tracks with a copy of George Bradshaw’s Victorian Railway Guidebook. With lashings of ginger ale – whatto!

7.00 Hampton Court Palace Flower Show 2011 Monty Don, Joe Swift, Rachel de Thame and Alys Fowler continue their tour of the RHS Hampton Court Palace Flower Show.

8.00 Gardeners’ World At Longmeadow, Monty Don shows which plants to choose for sensational borders.

9.00 The Kennedys Biographical drama. It is October 1962 and Jack’s marriage is a shambles because of his infidelity. Oh, and the Soviet Union has placed nuclear missiles on the island of Cuba. Neh probs!

9.45 The Kennedys Biographical drama. Jack and Jackie are in Dallas on November 22, 1963 to heal tensions between the liberals and conservative wings of the Democratic Party. What could go wrong?

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.00 The Review Show Round table arts and culture discussion.

11.50 Golf: Scottish Open Highlights 12.50am FILM: Critical Assignment (2004)

ITV1

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Ten Mile Menu 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Dinner Date

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Holly is put on the spot when some cash goes missing at the factory.

7.30 Coronation Street Sophie and Sian are aghast to discover that they have been had. Roy and Hayley struggle to cope with new responsibilities. Julie cannot hide her excitement after finding out that she is related to Dennis.

8.00 Love Your Garden Gardening series with Alan Titchmarsh. In this episode, Alan adds some magic to an outdoor space by showing how to get the look of a fantasy garden. Add your own smart alec remark here.

8.30 Coronation Street A furious Kevin confronts James after Sophie’s confession.

9.00 Paul O’Grady Live Last in series of Paul O’Grady’s live entertainment show. Paul is joined by actress Michelle Collins and Girls Aloud star Nicola Roberts, who also performs in the studio.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Backdraft (1991) Starring Kurt Russell, William Baldwin, Robert De Niro, Donald Sutherland. Blazing thriller about the rivalry between a pair of fire-fighting brothers while a series of suspicious fires breaks out around their town.

1.05am The Zone 3.05 FILM: Doom (2005) 4.45 ITV Nightscreen5.30News

Channel 4

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 According To Jim 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 9.55 Country House Rescue 10.55 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 11.55 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present David Clarke 2012 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Relocation: Phil Down Under 1.00 Channel 4 Racing 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Four In A Bed 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Warren is finding it hard to control Mitzeee. Really?!

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.25 Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals Jamie Oliver prepares a focaccia stuffed with prosciutto and celeriac remoulade. Yum! 7.55 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present David Smith 2012 8.00 Come Dine With Me Dinner party reality show.

9.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats See highlights.

9.30 King Of... Claudia Winkleman is joined by Miranda Hart and Micky Flanagan.

10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan Carr’s guests include Eddie Izzard, who talks about his new film Cars 2, and there is music from Hard-Fi. 11.05 The Big Bang Theory Comedy. Tensions run high when Bernadette runs into her ex-boyfriend at a science conference.

11.40 The Big Bang Theory Comedys. Sheldon asks Penny to give him acting lessons so he can learn to be better liked.

12.05am 4thought.tv 12.10 MUSIC ON 4: Barclaycard Mercury Prize Sessions 12.30 4Play: Metronomy 12.45 The Album Chart Show 1.00 The Hollyoaks Music Show 1.25 My Name Is Earl (x2) 2.10 The Real Housewives Of New Jersey 3.05 Ugly Betty (x2) 4.40 One Tree Hill 5.25 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Hana’s Helpline 8.50 The WotWots 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 The Wright Stuff Extra With Gabby Logan 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ice Road Truckers 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 3.15 FILM: Ladies Of The House (2008) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Roo chooses Romeo to accompany her to the tourism expo.

6.25 OK! TV Kate Walsh and Matt Johnson present a lively mix.

7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Fifth Gear Fast-paced motoring magazine show. Tiff road-tests a Lamborghini in Nice while Jonny gets horizontal in VW’s improved Phaeton.

8.00 Danger: Diggers At Work Documentary series going behind the scenes at a digger-hire firm. A huge Boeing 747 is broken down for scrap.

A pair of drivers attempt to halt a forest fire, a team creates a fake beach on Regent Street in London.

9.00 Castle See highlights.

10.00 Law And Order American drama series about cops and lawyers.

A former senator’s ex-wife is murdered, causing the family’s dirty laundry to be aired in public.

10.55 CSI: Miami Crime drama.

When a shooter targets the motel where Delko is staying, Horatio must look into Delko’s past to find the killer.

Like a reverse fortune teller really.

11.55 Inside Hollywood Get your daily fix of the latest film and TV news from the USA. Presented by Simon Thompson.

12.10am SCXTRA 12.40 SuperCasino 4.05 Motorsport Mundial 4.30 Fifth Gear 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Football’s Richest Prize 10.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: Barclays Scottish Open 1.30pm Football’s Richest Prize 3.00 Football’s Greatest 3.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: Barclays Scottish Open 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Barclays Premier League World 11.30 Road To London 12.00am Super League 1.30 Twenty20 Cricket 3.30 Super League 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Road To London

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Surf 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Cricket: Friends Life T20 11.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 11.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 12.00pm Football’s Greatest 12.30 Barclays Premier League World 1.00 Cricket: Friends Life T20 2.55 Live Test Cricket 7.00 LIVE Cricket: Friends Life T20 10.30 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.30am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.30 Tight Lines 2.30 NFL - Total Access 3.30 Racemax 4.30 Tight Lines 5.30 Kings Of The Surf

Sky Sports 3 7.00am IAAF Athletix Weekly 7.30 Barclays Premier League World 8.00 Trans World Sport 9.00 The Premiership Years 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 1.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 2.00 Racemax 3.00 The Premiership Years 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 11.00 LIVE US Women’s Open 2.00am European Tour Golf 3.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 4.00 Football’s Greatest 4.30 Kings Of The Surf 5.00 Trans World Sport

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

2.00pm Verminators 3.00 Customs UK (x2) 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Oops TV 5.30 Futurama 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Futurama 8.30 The Simpsons (x3) 10.00 Wall Of Fame 10.30 Spartacus: Blood And Sand 11.40 Brit Cops: Frontline Crime UK 12.40am Danny Dyer’s Deadliest Men

7.00pm The Apprentice 8.00 Jessie J & The View @ T 9.00 Plan B & White Lies @ T 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Arctic Monkeys @ T 12.20am Family Guy (x2) 1.05 Angry Boys 1.35 World’s Craziest Fools (x2) 2.30 Kill It, Cut It, Use It 3.30 Angry Boys 4.00 World’s Craziest Fools 4.30 The Apprentice 5.30 Close

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Summer Night Concert From Vienna 9.00 Troubadours: The Rise Of The Singer-Songwriter 10.25 Carole King And James Taylor: Live At The Troubadour 11.20 Hotel California: LA From The Byrds To The Eagles 12.50am California Comes To The Whistle Test

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 8.00 Penn & Teller: Fool Us 9.00 America’s Got Talent: Results 3 10.00 ITunes Festival 2011 11.00 FILM: Bowfinger (1999) 12.55am The Marriage Ref

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Monarch Of The Glen 3.05 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.05 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Heartbeat 6.40 Monarch Of The Glen 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Taggart 10.00 FILM: Sleepers (1996) 1.00am Monk 1.40 FILM: If Only (2004)

12.10pm Heartland 1.05 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.00 Hollyoaks 2.35 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Glee 4.25 Friends (x3) 6.05 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x3) 9.00 Gok’s Clothes Roadshow 10.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 11.05 Dirty Sexy Things 12.15am My Name Is Earl (x2)

2.30pm Come Dine With Me 3.05 The Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 4 Rooms 10.00 FILM: Tigerland (2001) 12.00am Heroes Of Comedy (x2) 2.10 Relocation, Relocation

11.00am The Tall Men (1955) 1.25pm Journey To The Center Of The Earth (1959) 4.00 Only Yesterday (1991) 6.25 Terms Of Endearment (1983) 9.00 The Devil Wears Prada (2006) 11.10 The Beach (2000). See highlights.

1.25am Summer With Monika (1952) 3.15 Woody Allen On Bergman

thelatest

.TV

Brighton Lights 28

www.thelatest.tv

Jess Eaton is the UK's most controversial fashion designer due to her Roadkill Couture clothing collection. See if you would wear them and watch our interview.

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saturday 9 Camelot Channel 4, 9pm There will be no gentle reminders of Richard Harris singing about a lovely land of ‘Camelot’. This is a different kind of Utopia altogether. Although it might be fun to throw in a hum of the tune halfway through. No, here the knights are defending the homeland and Arthur is secretly following Guinevere. Trust, man!

Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow BBC1, 10.50pm Michael McIntyre just never stops – although there may be repeats involved in his tireless touring of the country collecting talented comics along the way.

Tonight he’s in Bristol, joined by Brighton’s Seann Walsh, as well as Mike Gunn, the very funny Hal Cruttenden and Noel Fielding.

The World’s Greatest Comedy Characters More4, 9pm Settle in for an evening of guffawing, chortling and going “oh yeah! I remember them!”.

Yup, it’s an evening of list show, meaning that the best are cherrypicked and some rather impressive talking heads add their penny’s worth. Wonder if My Family will be included...

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 The Good Cook 12.00pm BBC News 12.05 South East Today 12.10 Formula 1: The British Grand Prix 2.40 Golf: Scottish Open 5.20 BBC News 5.30 South East Today 5.40 Walk On The Wild Side

6.10 Total Wipeout Richard Hammond hosts another episode of TV’s stupidest, brightest, most insane game show. In this series the obstacles have been made bigger and brasher than ever, ensuring bigger and brasher bumps, crunches, smashes and splashes.

7.10 Tonight’s The Night John Barrowman makes more dreams come true for some very special people. In this programme a teaching assistant sings with pop sensation The Wanted, a fan of Dolly Parton gets a masterclass from the queen of country, and a lady vicar rally races at Silverstone.

8.10 The National Lottery: In It To Win It Numbers, hopes, dreams, and Dale Winton hosting a quiz.

9.00 Casualty Adam continues his downward descent when he decides to disregard a patient’s advance directive to not be resuscitated.

9.50 Lee Mack’s All Star Cast Comedian Lee Mack hosts a brand new Saturday night entertainment show. His celebrity guests include comedian Rhod Gilbert, Theo Paphitis and stand-up Danny Bhoy.

10.30 BBC News 10.50 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow See highlights.

11.35 FILM: Dark Water (2005) Starring Jennifer Connelly, John C Reilly, Tim Roth. Psychological horror.

1.10am Weatherview 1.15 News

6.00 – 8.25am Children’s television 8.25 Prank Patrol Down Under 8.50 Dennis And Gnasher 9.05 Trade Your Way To The USA 9.30 Fee Fi Fo Yum 10.00 Mission: 2110 10.30 League Of Super Evil 10.40 Wolverine And The X-Men 11.05 Mortified 11.25 OOglies 11.40 MOTD Kickabout 12.00pm The Sky At Night 12.20 Homes Under The Hammer 12.50 Golf: Scottish Open 2.40 FILM: Kramer Vs Kramer (1979) 4.20 Comedy Connections 4.50 Life Beyond The Box: Norman Stanley Fletcher 5.40 Porridge 6.10 Flog It! Paul Martin is joined by experts Nigel Smith and Thomas Plant to value antiques brought in by the people of Stockport. Paul also finds out how to get creative with recycled rubbish, and takes a trip down memory lane when he vists a drum-maker.

7.10 Dad’s Army Comedy series featuring the hapless exploits of a small town’s contingent of the Home Guard. Two things you need to know; 1. Don’t panic.

2. He’s a stupid boy.

7.40 Vincent Van Gogh: Painted With Words Drama-documentary presented by Alan Yentob, with Benedict Cumberbatch in the lead role as Van Gogh. Every word spoken by the actors in this film is sourced from the letters that Van Gogh sent to his younger brother Theo, and of those around him.

9.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the classic news quiz with Paul Merton and Ian Hislop.

9.45 Secrets Of The Pop Song Series exploring the process of songwriting, following from pen and paper to first public performance.

10.45 Women’s World Cup Coverage of the Women’s World Cup. 11.25 The Kennedys The Kennedys.

12.10am The Kennedys 12.55 FILM: Honeydripper (2007)

ITV1

6.00am Signed Stories 6.10 Dora The Explorer 6.35 The Hive 6.45 Babar And The Adventures Of Badou 7.00 Babar And The Adventures Of Badou 7.10 Tati’s Hotel 7.25 Monk 7.30 Supernormal 7.40 Supernormal 7.55 SpongeBob SquarePants 8.10 SpongeBob SquarePants 8.25 House Gift 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.45 This Morning: Saturday 12.45pm Planet’s Funniest Animals 1.15 Planet’s Funniest Animals 1.45 ITV News & Weather 1.55 FILM: Agatha Christie’s Thirteen At Dinner (1985) 3.55 FILM: Licence To Kill (1989) 6.15 Meridian News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather 6.45 You’ve Been Framed! The award-winning Harry Hill presents more comical incidents captured on camcorder.

7.15 Odd One In Bradley Walsh hosts the gameshow in which two celebrity teams try to spot the person with the unique skill, secret or story in a series of outlandish line-ups.

8.00 Penn & Teller: Fool Us Aspiring magicians attempt to fool Penn and Teller with their most mystifying trick for the chance to win the prize of a lifetime – performing in the double act’s world-famous show in Las Vegas. Fan-blimmin-tastic.

9.00 The Marriage Ref Dermot O’Leary presents the lighthearted series in which real-life couples discuss their funny domestic disputes in front of a celebrity panel and a live studio audience. This week, Dermot is joined by comedians Jack Whitehall and Sarah Millican and presenter Eamonn Holmes.

10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 FILM: Ocean’s Twelve (2004) Starring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Andy Garcia, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Matt Damon. Slick crime caper sequel.

12.35am The Cube Celebrity Special: McFly 1.30 The Zone 3.30 In Plain Sight 4.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Vue Film Show 7.00 Cooper Tyres British F3 International Series 7.25 Mobil 1 The Grid 7.55 The Morning Line 8.50 Friends 9.20 The Hollyoaks Music Show With Matalan.co.uk 9.55 Smallville 10.50 Friends 11.20 New Look Style The Nation 12.20pm Dirty Sexy Things 1.20 The TV Book Club 1.55 Channel 4 Racing 4.05 Come Dine With Me 4.35 Come Dine With Me 5.05 Come Dine With Me 5.40 Come Dine With Me

6.10 Come Dine With Me The cookery-based reality show in which five amateur chefs compete to stage the ultimate dinner party. In Bolton, host Sarah Rothwell serves up comfort food including roasted cauliflower soup, roasted loin of pork and a hot fruit tower. But her honey bread rolls don’t quite go to plan.

6.40 Channel 4 News 7.10 4thought.tv 7.15 FILM: The Simpsons Movie (2007) Animation based on the longrunning TV series about the dysfunctional American family. When their home town of Springfield becomes dangerously polluted, largely because of Homer’s illegal waste dumping, it is sealed off by a giant glass dome. Can Homer rectify his mistake and rescue the town from its quarantine? And sing Spider-pig?

9.00 Camelot See highlights.

10.00 FILM: Gangs Of New York (2002) Starring Daniel Day-Lewis, Leonardo DiCaprio, Cameron Diaz, Jim Broadbent and Liam Neeson.

Violent epic set in 19th-century New York. In a city riven with corruption and tribal warfare, a young man returns from a stay in reform school to the Five Points area, seeking to avenge his father’s murder.

1.10am FILM: Infernal Affairs 2 (2003) 3.15 Bob’s Burgers 3.40 Hill Street Blues 4.30 One Tree Hill 5.15 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 8.05am Children’s television 8.05 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.40 Rupert Bear 8.55 Olivia 9.10 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Pawn Stars 10.30 Eddie Stobart: Trucks And Trailers 11.30 Danger: Diggers At Work 12.30pm FILM: Rosamunde Pilcher’s Summer (2008) 2.20 FILM: King Solomon’s Mines (1950) 4.20 FILM: Random Hearts (1999)

6.55 5 News Weekend 7.00 Cricket: England V Sri Lanka ODI Mark Nicholas presents the action from the England v Sri Lanka one-day international match at Old Trafford.

7.55 NCIS Drama series. The commander in charge of a shipment of nuclear weapons is kidnapped and the team must find him before he divulges the secret location of the arms. Could this be a new board game pitch? Probably not.

8.55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Forensic crime drama.

When a cocktail waitress is killed by a shark at a Vegas pool party, the CSIs suspect that a bitter rivalry between two casino moguls might be to blame.

9.50 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Police drama series.

The team investigates the murder of a college counsellor who volunteered at a support centre for soldiers who were tortured in Iraq.

10.45 CSI: NY Crime drama series.

A street dancer is murdered and his girlfriend is wounded in a hotel room shooting.

11.45 Forensic Files Documentary.

12.15am SuperCasino 4.05 Meals In Moments 4.15 The FBI Files 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 Twenty20 Cricket 9.00 Cricket AM 10.30 LIVE ODI Cricket 7.00pm LIVE Masters Football: London Masters 10.00 To Be Announced 12.00am ODI Cricket 2.00 To Be Announced 4.00 ODI Cricket

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Total Rugby 6.30 Super League 8.00 Tight Lines 9.00 The Premiership Years 11.00 WWE Smackdown 1.00pm Davis Cup Tennis 4.00 NFL – Total Access 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 LIVE Speedway World Cup 9.00 LIVE Davis Cup Tennis 11.00 WWE Late Night Superstars 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 3.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 4.00 NFL – Total Access 5.00 NFL – America’s Game

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Max Power 8.00 Live Super Rugby 10.30 LIVE Middlesex Sevens Rugby Union 7.00pm Super Rugby 8.00 LIVE US Women’s Open 11.00 PGA Tour Golf 1.00am European Tour Golf 2.30 Masters Football London Masters 5.30 Road To London

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12.45pm Futurama: Welcome To The World Of Tomorrow 1.00 Lie To Me 2.00 WWE: Smackdown 4.00 The Middle (x4) 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 Emergency With Angela Griffin 8.00 Road Wars 9.00 FILM: Armageddon (1998) 11.50 Law And Order 12.50am Fringe 1.50 UK Border Force

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Friendly Fires And NDubz @ T 9.00 Chase And Status And The Strokes @ T 10.00 Coldplay Live @ T 12.00am Family Guy (x2) 12.45 FILM: Ransom (1996) 2.40 EastEnders Greatest Exits 4.10 Don’t Tell The Bride 5.30 Close

7.00pm The Blue Planet 8.00 The Perfect Suit 9.00 Wallander 10.30 Hotel Deluxe 11.30 The Perfect Suit 12.30am Teenage Kicks: The Search For Sophistication 1.30 The Horizon Guide: Moon 2.30 The Sky At Night 3.00 The Blue Planet 5.30 Close

1.40pm America’s Got Talent 3.30 America’s Got Talent: Results 2 4.25 America’s Got Talent 6.15 America’s Got Talent: Results 3 7.15 FILM: Jurassic Park III (2001) 9.00 FILM: Practical Magic (1998) 11.10 FILM: Analyze This (1999) 1.15am ITunes Festival 2011 2.10 Secret Diary Of A Call Girl

10.20am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 11.25 Hornblower 1.45pm FILM: The Railway Children (1970) 4.00 Columbo: A Bird In The Hand 6.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 11.00 Wycliffe 12.10am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 1.05 ITV3 Nightscreen 1.30 Teleshopping

12.10pm Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance 1.15 Great British Hairdresser 2.15 Hollyoaks Omnibus 4.50 Friends (x2) 6.00 One Tree Hill 6.55 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.55 How I Met Your Mother (x2) 8.50 Friends (x2) 10.00 FILM: Chain Reaction (1996) 12.05am The Cleveland Show (x2)

9.00am Time Team (x4) 1.10pm FILM: A River Runs Through It (1992) 3.35 Grand Designs (x5) 9.00 The World’s Greatest Comedy Characters.

See highlights.

12.05am Time Team 1.05 The World’s Greatest Comedy Characters 4.15 Close

11.00am Distant Drums (1951) 1.00pm Fantastic Four (2005) 3.10 James And The Giant Peach 4.45 Local Hero (1983) 6.55 The Perfect Catch (2005) 9.00 High Crimes (2002) 11.15 The Hills Have Eyes (2006) 1.20am Cries And Whispers (1972) 3.10 Woody Allen On Bergman 3.30 Close

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Brighton Lights 27

www.thelatest.tv

Two of the biggest cult bands in the world, Cults and The Antlers, filmed by Brighton film-makers bowlegsmusic.com at The Great Escape.

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sunday 10 Popstar To Operastar: The Final ITV1, 8pm It’s the final! Bet Myleene Klass never thought this was what she’d end up doing when she auditioned for Popstars all those years ago. But this isn’t about her, it’s about the final celebritiy two standing who have proven they can make opera their forté.

It’s down to the home voters now.

Law & Order: UK ITV1, 9pm It’s a brand new season and our former EastEnders and Battlestar Galactica ‘tecs have got their spidey senses tingly that something just ain’t right when a lady comes into A&E with flu symptoms and goes out in a body bag. Turns out this was no accident. But can they catch the culprit before they strike again?

Smallville: Superman The Early Years E4, 7pm Isn’t it just the way? Just when you think you’ve got one problem to deal with you’ve actually got a crisis of much bigger proportions around the corner! Or so it would seem to Clark Kent when Lois tells him she knows his secret and then accidentally turns into the Goddess Isis.

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BBC2

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Sunday Morning Live 11.00 The Politics Show 12.10pm Formula 1: The British Grand Prix 3.30 EastEnders 5.00 Songs Of Praise 5.35 My Family

6.05 Horrible Histories With Stephen Fry Prank-loving teenage Emperor Elagabalus hosts a dinner party on Roman Come Dine With Me, and some British officers try to get their heads around the complicated causes of the First World War. 6.35 BBC News 6.50 South East Today 7.00 Fake Or Fortune? In this closing episode suspicion is aroused when a rogue picture comes up for auction which was once stolen by the Nazis in World War II. 8.00 Countryfile The stories at the heart of the British countryside.

9.00 The World’s Most Expensive Paintings Art critic Alastair Sooke tracks down the ten most expensive paintings to sell at auction, and investigates the stories behind the astronomic prices art can reach. Pretty!

10.00 BBC News 10.15 South East Today 10.25 Seve: The Legend Known to his adoring public simply as Seve, Severiano Ballesteros took the world of golf by storm and transcended the sport with his magnetic personality and sublime skill. Presented by Gary Lineker.

11.25 Moving On Drama series.

12.10am Weatherview 12.15 Sign Zone: The Apprentice 1.15 The Apprentice: The Final Five 2.15 Holby City 3.15 BBC News

6.00am Wibbly Pig 6.10 Dipdap 6.15 Pinky Dinky Doo 6.30 Tinga Tinga Tales 6.45 Octonauts 7.00 Deadly 60 7.35 Arthur 8.00 Junior MasterChef 8.30 Me And My Monsters 9.00 Friday Download 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Escape To The Country 12.30pm EastEnders 1.30 Golf: Scottish Open 5.30 Athletics: British Grand Prix 8.00 Top Gear Motoring show.

Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond look at some second hand bargains for the price of Britain’s cheapest brand new car, the 6995 pound Nissan Pixo. Plus, reigning Formula 1 world champion Sebastian Vettel is the star in the Reasonably Priced Car. 9.00 Coast Coast travels right around the wonderful Welsh coast from the border with England in the south on the Severn estuary, to the northern English border on the Dee estuary. Nick Crane investigates the evidence that a devastating tsunami crashed on to the coast of Wales and England some 400 years ago.

10.00 Mock The Week Comedy show combining the best elements of panel show, stand-up and improvised games with two teams of comedians taking a satirical swipe at the news and world events. As if you didn’t know.

10.30 FILM: In The Loop (2009) Starring Peter Capaldi, Tom Hollander, Gina McKee, James Gandolfini and Chris Addison. Political satire. When British Secretary of State for International Development Simon Foster accidentally backs military action on TV, he suddenly has a lot of friends in Washington DC. 12.15am FILM: The Front Line (2006) 1.45 BBC News 3.10 The Super League Show

ITV1

6.00am Signed Stories 6.10 Boblins 6.20 Fireman Sam 6.30 Chloe’s Closet 6.45 Olly The Little White Van 6.50 Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 7.15 Annabel’s Kitchen 7.25 Monk 7.30 Supernormal 7.45 Supernormal 8.00 The Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes 8.25 May The Best House Win 9.25 Dickinson’s Real Deal 10.25 60 Minute Makeover 11.30 This Morning: Sunday 12.30pm Dinner Date 1.30 ITV News & Weather 1.35 Survival: Tales From The Wild 2.35 Inspector Morse 4.35 Midsomer Murders 6.30 Meridian News; Weather 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 The Royal A girls’ trip out on board a pirate radio ship ends badly when the group is embroiled in a siege. Perhaps they should’ve invoked the right of parlay...

8.00 Popstar To Operastar: The Final See highlights.

9.00 Law & Order: UK See highlights.

10.00 Popstar To Operastar: The Results Myleene Klass reveals who viewers have voted as Popstar to Operastar champion 2011. Before the results are announced, the two finalists have one last chance to impress with a group performance in which they will sing alongside their mentors – Katherine Jenkins and Rolando Villazon.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 10.45 FILM: Eyes Wide Shut (1999) Starring Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, Madison Eginton, Sydney Pollack. The final film from Stanley Kubrick is a mysterious drama charting the disrupted relationship of a Manhattan couple. Based on a novella by Arthur Schnitzler, it follows a chain of events that form an odyssey of sexual and moral discovery. Cripes!

1.35am The Zone 2.00 British Superbike Championship Highlights 2.55 Motorsport UK 3.45 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.00am Sali Mali 6.05 The Treacle People 6.15 The Hoobs 6.40 The Hoobs 7.05 Freesports On 4 7.35 Ironman 8.00 Friends 8.25 New Look Style The Nation 9.00 T4 On The Beach: The Countdown 9.55 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm The Simpsons 1.05 The Simpsons 1.40 T4 On The Beach 2011 5.25 Deal Or No Deal

6.20 Channel 4 News 6.50 4thought.tv 6.55 The Political Slot 7.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Penny and Mark have been battling with the decision to move to France for years, but with a slow UK housing market and low exchange rate they have seen their budget reduced. Do they buy at home or spend their £400,000 budget away?

8.00 FILM: Marley And Me (2008) Starring Owen Wilson, Jennifer Aniston, Eric Dane, Kathleen Turner.

Heartwarming and emotional comedy about newlyweds John and Jenny who learn important life lessons from their unruly Labrador. Hitting on the idea of a dog as opposed to children just yet, the couple little realise the dog’s furniture-chewing, necklaceswallowing, turkey-stealing thirst for life. He may well provide rich antics for John’s newspaper column, but he is the world’s most disobedient dog.

10.15 FILM: In Her Shoes (2005) Starring Cameron Diaz, Toni Collette, Shirley MacLaine. Touching comedy drama. A party girl clashes with her sensible sister after she sleeps with her boyfriend, then goes in search of their long-lost grandmother. Can’t say fairer than that.

12.55am Stand Up For The Week 1.45 Bob’s Burgers 2.10 5ive Days To Midnight 3.45 Hill Street Blues 4.35 One Tree Hill 5.20 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 8.00am Chidlren’s television 8.00 Little Princess 8.10 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.40 Milkshake!

Monkey 8.45 Rupert Bear 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 The Milkshake! Show 10.00 Police Interceptors 11.00 Cowboy Builders 12.00pm The Restaurant Inspector 1.00 FILM: Rosamunde Pilcher’s Autumn (2008) 2.45 FILM: Man Of The House (2005) 4.35 FILM: Matilda (1996) 6.25 5 News 6.30 FILM: The Legend Of Zorro (2005) Starring Antonio Banderas, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Rufus Sewell.

Light-hearted adventure sequel.

Despite promises to his wife Elena that he would lay the legend of Zorro to rest and concentrate on his duties as a father, Alejandro de la Vega cannot resist adopting his disguise to put right injustice. Eventually, Elena leaves him for a wealthy French aristocrat, whose activities lead Zorro to suspect that beneath his love rival’s suave exterior beats the heart of a common rogue. Sharpen that ‘Z’!

9.00 FILM: Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World (2003) Starring Russell Crowe, Paul Bettany, James D’Arcy.

Seafaring adventure as, during the Napoleonic wars, a British frigate is sent to track and engage a larger French warship, the Acheron, off the coast of South America. The intense and duty-driven captain of the British vessel must try to coax his war-weary crew to victory.

11.40 FILM: Sniper II (2002) Starring Tom Berenger, Dan Butler, Linden Ashby. Action sequel.

1.25am SuperCasino 4.00 Meals In Moments 4.10 The Great Artists 4.35 Nick’s Quest 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football’s Greatest 7.00 ODI Cricket 9.00 Cricket Writers On TV 10.30 Ashes Memories – Gilly Goes Ballistic 11.00 Football’s Richest Prize 12.30pm To Be Announced 2.30 LIVE Twenty20 Cricket 6.00 To Be Announced 8.00 LIVE US Women’s Open 11.00 PGA Tour Golf John Deere Classic 1.00am European Tour Golf 3.00 Super League 4.30 Football’s Greatest 5.00 Ashes Memories - Gilly Goes Ballistic 5.30 Wild Spirits

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Speedway World Cup 9.00 Masters Football London Masters 12.00pm Davis Cup Tennis 2.00 Racemax 3.00 Football’s Richest Prize 4.30 LIVE Super League 7.00 Wild Spirits 7.30 LIVE IndyCar Series 10.00 Cricket: Friends Life T20 12.00am Super League 1.30 Cricket Friends Life T20 3.30 World Netball Championships 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Racemax 7.00 Road To London 7.30 This Week In WWE 8.00 WWE Vintage Collection 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 Watersports World 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Speedway World Cup 2.55 LIVE Test Cricket 10.00 This Week In WWE 10.30 WWE Late Night Afterburn 11.30 WWE Vintage Collection 12.30am IndyCar Series 2.30 Close

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3.00pm Lie To Me 4.00 UK Border Force 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2 Special 6.30 The Simpsons 7.00 Best Of A League Of Their Own 8.00 The Simpsons 8.30 Futurama 9.00 Hawaii Five-0 10.00 Wall Of Fame 10.30 Cop Squad 11.30 Lie To Me 12.30am UK Border Force

7.00pm Formula 1: The British Grand Prix 8.00 My Chemical Romance And The Vaccines @ T 9.00 Tinie Tempah & Calvin Harris @ T 10.00 Family Guy (x2) 10.45 Foo Fighters @ T 12.45am Formula 1: The British Grand Prix 1.45 World’s Craziest Fools 2.15 Ideal (x6) 5.30 Close

7.00pm Sahara With Michael Palin 8.00 Secrets Of The Arabian Nights 9.00 Believe: The Eddie Izzard Story 10.45 Eddie Izzard: Stripped 12.15am Troubadours: The Rise Of The Singer-Songwriter 1.40 Carole King And James Taylor: Live At The Troubadour 2.40 Sahara With Michael Palin

11.05am Coronation Street Omnibus 1.35pm America’s Got Talent: Performance 3 3.30 America’s Got Talent: Results 3 4.30 FILM: Twister (1996) 6.45 FILM: Back To The Future (1985) 9.00 FILM: Knocked Up (2007) 11.40 ITunes Festival 2011 12.40am Take That: The Circus Live 1.35 Teleshopping

10.05am Columbo: A Bird In The Hand 12.05pm Sherlock Holmes: Hound Of The Baskervilles 2.20 Persuasion 4.15 FILM: Pride & Prejudice (2005) 6.50 Mr Bean (x2) 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 FILM: Frantic (1988) 11.30 FILM: Sleepers (1996) 2.15am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.05 Drama Trails

4.10pm FILM: Flicka (2006) 6.00 Friends (x2) 7.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years. See highlights.

8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Epic Movie (2007) 10.45 The Big Bang Theory 11.15 How I Met Your Mother 11.45 FILM: Star Trek: Generations (1994) 2.00am The War At Home

12.10pm Scrapheap Challenge 1.15 Coach Trip (x5) 4.05 Baking Mad With Eric Lanlard 4.35 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.30 The TV Book Club 8.00 River Cottage Every Day 9.00 Grand Designs Australia 10.00 Hunting Britain’s Most Wanted 11.05 Spaced 11.40 Black Books 12.00am The IT Crowd

1.00pm King Solomon’s Mines (1985) 2.55 Shadow Of A Doubt (1943) 5.00 Kidnapped (1971) 7.05 Big Momma’s House (2000) 9.00 Sleeping With The Enemy (1991) 10.55 Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation Of Kazakhstan (2006) 12.35am The Hide (2008)

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Brighton Lights 27

www.thelatest.tv

Exclusive footage of the 2011 Naked Bike Ride in Brighton – worth more than a glimpse

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monday 11 Strictly Kosher ITV1, 9pm Three Jewish families in Manchester with different relationships to their Jewishness – that’s the basis of this doc that follows a lively Orthodox mother and her brood, a couple from a traditional background that are no longer religious, and 83-yearold Jack Aizenberg, who survived an extermination camp.

Sirens Channel 4, 10pm The sitcom about the accident and emergency team takes a darker turn when the paramedics are called out to help a young student lad stuck in a druginduced paranoia. Learn from this, kids. Plus Rachid discovers a two-week old dead body and decides to settle down so as to avoid the same fate himself. Hm.

Small Teen, Bigger World BBC3, 9pm After last July’s successful one-off documentary following teenager Jazz Burkitt she’s back with a four part series this time.

The 17 year old is only the height of an average nine year old but that doesn’t stop her living normal teen experiences. Like leaving home for the first time.

Which she does now.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Heir Hunters 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Food Fighters 11.45 Saints And Scroungers 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.40 Doctors 2.10 Only Fools And Horses Double Bill 3.05 Copycats 3.30 Dennis & Gnasher Shorts 3.35 Scoop 4.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 4.30 Horrible Histories 4.55 Deadly 60 Bites 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show - Best Of Britain If it has Britain talking then it will be talked about here.

7.30 Fake Britain With Dominic Littlewood. Birmingham’s trading standards and West Midlands Police crack down on the crooks faking parking offences to fleece members of the public.

7.57 BBC News; Regional News 8.00 EastEnders Billy and Julie receive heartbreaking news when they finally pay a visit to their son.

8.30 Gerry And The GPs Panorama Troubleshooter and businessman Sir Gerry Robinson examines the government’s plans for the biggest shake-up of the NHS in its history.

9.00 New Tricks Drama. The UCOS team reinvestigates the murder of an unnamed vagrant strangled on a tube train 15 years ago.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 A Question Of Sport Lighthearted sports quiz.

11.05 In With The Flynns Comedy.

Repeat of Wednesday’s show.

11.35 The Graham Norton Show Repeat of Friday’s show.

12.20am Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Business Nightmares With Evan Davis 1.25 Luther 2.25 Animal 24:7 3.10 Island Parish 3.40 News

BBC2

6.00 – 9.05am Children’s television 9.05 The Koala Brothers 9.15 Little Charley Bear 9.25 Small Potatoes 9.30 Chuggington 9.45 Mr Bloom’s Nursery 10.00 Gigglebiz 10.20 ZingZillas 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The New Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Rowing World Cup Highlights – Lucerne 2.30 Animal 24/7 3.00 Flog It! 3.45 Antiques Road Trip 4.30 The Weakest Link 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Quiz.

6.30 Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo takes to the tracks with a copy of George Bradshaw’s Victorian Railway Guidebook.

7.00 The Truth About Wildlife: Coast Chris Packham travels to Lundy to see how an exclusion zone there has benefited undersea creatures. VIP fish! Ace! 7.30 Canal Walks With Julia Bradbury Julia Bradbury dons her walking boots to explore her own British backyard, travelling along the country’s network of canals and their accompanying towpath trails. .

8.00 University Challenge Jeremy Paxman asks the questions as two teams of students battle it out.

8.30 Antiques Master Antiques Master. VERY much in charge of the old things.

9.00 Life Of Muhammad Series on the life of the prophet Mohammad, which has sparked a fair bit of discussion. Ponder it.

10.00 QI Stephen Fry hosts the hilarious, mind-expanding quiz in which the aim is to be interesting.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 Imagine... Arts documentary.

Profiling the Chinese artist and dissident Ai Weiwei.

12.15am The Tudors 1.10 BBC News

ITV1

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Ten Mile Menu 3.00 Secret Dealers 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Dinner Date

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Nicola is stunned

by Jimmy’s overnight guest.

7.30 Coronation Street Family loyalties are cast aside when the police call at the Websters’. Peter is left stunned by Leanne’s news.

8.00 Countrywise Kitchen New series of the rural food and cookery series with Paul Heiney and chef Mike Robinson. This series looks at some of the wonderful array of British food produced during the summer months. In the first episode, Mike and Paul are in South Devon, where they enjoy some Devon cream teas. Om, om, om.

8.30 Coronation Street Kevin’s anger may cost him more than his winnings. Will Peter share Leanne’s happiness? Audrey’s night out with Marcia gives her food for thought.

9.00 Strictly Kosher See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Rambo III (1988) Starring Sylvester Stallone, Richard Crenna, Marc de Jonge. Violent adventure sequel in which reluctant one-man army Rambo goes into action against brutal Soviet invaders in Afghanistan. Pretty active for such a reluctant actioneer. Hmm. 12.25am The Zone 2.30 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 According To Jim 8.55 Friends 9.25 Friends 9.55 Country House Rescue 10.55 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present... Stephen Miller 12.10 Relocation: Phil Down Under 1.05 FILM: Operation Crossbow (1965) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Quiz Trippers 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks After an explosive first day at The Dog, Jacqui is keen to prove that she is getting her life back on track, but Rhys thinks that she needs professional help.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 4thought.tv 8.00 Murder On Honeymoon: Dispatches Dispatches investigates the events surrounding the death of Bristol-based businesswoman Anni Dewani, who was killed while on honeymoon in South Africa. The programme is granted exclusive access to the prosecution case as those accused of murdering her prepare to face trial.

9.00 Embarrassing Bodies: Teen Special The Embarrassing Bodies doctors help to tackle the ailments that torment teens.

10.00 Sirens See highlights.

11.05 Sainsbury’s And Channel 4 Present...Danielle Brown 2012 Profile of Danielle Brown, a paralympic gold medallist in archery.

11.10 Coming Up: Rough Skin Original drama.

11.40 Lee Evans: XL Tour Energetic stand-up comedian Lee Evans..

12.40am PokerStars.co.uk UK And Ireland Poker Tour 1.40 24 Hours In A&E 2.35 Embarrassing Teen Bodies 3.30 Ancient Egyptians 4.25 Machines Time Forgot 5.20 One Tree

Channel Five

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Milkshake! Show Songs 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Roary The Racing Car 8.35 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.50 The WotWots 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 The Wright Stuff Extra With Gabby Logan 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Ice Road Truckers 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 3.10 FILM: The Obsession (2006) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Both Sid and Roo are riled when Indi announces that she is departing for Hawaii.

6.25 OK! TV Kate Walsh and Matt Johnson present a lively mix.

7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn shows us the fascinating workings of a large-scale coal mine, and demonstrates how packages can be delivered across continents within a single day.

8.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in South Yorkshire.

9.00 The Restaurant Inspector Restaurateur Fernando Peire comes to the aid of struggling eateries across Britain. Fernando gets exasperated with his stubborn host after he travels to south London to turn around the fortunes of a failing Italian restaurant.

10.00 FILM: Philadelphia (1993) Starring Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, Jason Robards, Mary Steenburgen, Antonio Banderas.

Oscar-winning drama about a gay lawyer’s fight against unlawful dismissal by his homophobic employers.

12.35am Forensic Files 1.05 SuperCasino 4.00 Meals In Moments 4.10 Michaela’s Wild Challenge (x2) 5.00 County Secrets 5.10 Wildlife SOS 5.35 House Doctor

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Twenty20 Cricket 11.00 Speedway World Cup 2.00pm Masters Football London Masters 5.00 Ashes Memories – Mark’s Magical Monday 2001 5.30 LIVE Twenty20 Cricket 9.00 Ashes Memories - Mark’s Magical Monday 2001 9.30 Football’s Greatest 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am Soccer AM The Best Bits 2.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 2.30 Sports Unlimited 3.30 Watersports World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Surf 7.00 To Be Announced 9.00 US Women’s Open 12.00pm PGA Tour Golf 2.00 European Tour Golf 4.00 IndyCar Series 6.00 NASCAR 7.00 LIVE Speedway World Cup 10.00 NASCAR 11.00 Boots ‘n’ All – The Tries 12.00am Speedway World Cup 3.00 NASCAR 4.00 Boots ‘n’ All The Tries 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am World Netball Championships 8.00 WWE The Bottom Line 9.00 The Premiership Years 11.00 Aerobics Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm To Be Announced 2.00 Kings Of The Surf 2.30 Aerobics Oz Style 3.00 The Premiership Years 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 LIVE Winning Post 9.00 Wild Spirits 9.30 Absolute Match Fishing 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Absolute Match Fishing 4.45 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

2.00pm Verminators 3.00 Customs (x2) 4.00 The Middle 4.30 Futurama 5.00 Oops TV 5.30 Futurama 6.00 The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Road Wars 9.00 Cop Squad 10.00 Spartacus: Blood And Sand 11.10 Wall Of Fame 11.40 Brit Cops: Frontline Crime UK 12.40am Danny Dyer’s Deadliest Men

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Snog Marry Avoid?

8.30 Underage And Pregnant 9.00 Small Teen, Bigger World. See highlights. 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 World’s Craziest Fools 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Small Teen, Bigger World 12.45am Underage And Pregnant

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Born To Be Wild 8.00 Delphi: The Bellybutton Of The Ancient World 9.00 British Masters 10.00 Mark Lawson Talks To Peter Blake 11.00 The Madness Of Peter Howson 12.00am British Masters 1.00 A Portrait Of Scotland 2.30 Born To Be Wild 3.00 British Masters

3.40pm The Real Housewives Of Orange County 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 Odd One In 7.45 Peter Andre: The Hot Desk 8.00 The Xtra Factor: Best & Worst 2010 9.00 FILM: Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) 11.45 FILM: Analyze This (1999) 1.50am Coronation Street

12.50pm Heartbeat 1.50 Monarch Of The Glen 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.40 Heartbeat 6.40 Monarch Of The Glen 7.50 Jeeves And Wooster 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 Murder In Suburbia 11.05 Cracker 12.10am Cracker 1.10 ITV3 Nightscreen

12.05pm Heartland 1.05 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 2.00 Hollyoaks 2.30 Gilmore Girls 3.30 Glee 4.30 Friends (x2) 6.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 Friends (x2) 9.00 One Tree Hill 10.00 To Be Announced 11.00 Tool Academy 12.00am My Name Is Earl (x2) 1.00 Glee 1.55 Tool Academy

2.35pm Come Dine With Me 3.05 The Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs 9.00 The Hotel 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.00 To Be Announced 12.00am The Hotel

11.00am The North Star (1943) 1.05pm The Virgin Queen (1955) 2.55 Donovan’s Reef (1963) 5.00 Operation Petticoat (1959) 7.20 Hot Shots! Part Deux (1993) 9.00 The Client (1994) 11.15 Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ (2005) 1.30am From The Life Of The Marionettes (1980) 3.35 Woody Allen On Bergman

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