Latest Seven 467: 23 -29 Mar

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

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ROBERT PATTINSON INTERVIEWp23

23 –29 March 2010

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WINDY CITY Mary Mears on Brighton’s wind farm

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TURIN BRAKES on Take That and touring in slippers SMOOTH TALKING Hair today, gone tomorrow with Revitalise Laser Spa

Fishy tales Everything’s chipper at Bardsley’s of Baker Street as we celebrate the 150th anniversary of fish ’n’ chips

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welcome

L7 CONTENTS 04 NEWS & COMMENT 4 Social Diary Lucky Voice and Butlers In The Buff’s recruitment day 5 City Speak Will asks why gay men cheat, Tash celebrates true eccentricity, and Ruby endures Avatar at the flicks 6 News New building plans galore; plus Councillor Mary Mears on creating a wind farm off the Brighton and Hove coast 6 Latest Inbox Readers’ letters, emails and web comments 7 Bookings Motorhead, Al Murray, Vampires Rock, Mr Hudson 7 Competitions Win tickets to Star Wars: In Concert at the O2 and Stereo MCs Vs The Bays at London’s Ether Festival 7 Latest Brighton Download Chart Who’s at number one this week?

8 Snap Shots Meet Greg Harman of the Madeira ‘Biker’ Café 9 Celebcity Greta Scacchi, Keane’s Tom Chaplin, The Bill’s new recruit 10 Bare Cheek & Astral Angi Charlie Chaplin’s shenanigans in the days of Patcham’s speakeasy; plus your star signs

11 LIFESTYLE 11 Cover feature With wolf fish on the menu and the odd wedding breakfast in their dining room, Bardsley’s of Baker Street are a dyed-in-the-wool chippy with lashings of character 13 Fish ’n’ chips special Celebrate the 150th year of fish ’n’ chips with some of Brighton’s most famous proponents of the ultimate British dish 14 Hotlist Where to get your cosy Thai and credit crunch cocktails 15 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink Perfect pear and ginger upside down cake (courtesy of the chef’s granny) at Shoreham’s Chambers Bistro 17 Revitalise Laser Spa Get silky smooth skin the squeal-free way

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L7 Don’t miss...

Gorillaz Thursday 25 March The Old Market, Hove A rare chance to catch Damon Albarn’s high-concept, box-fresh hip-pop crew minus their cartoon counterparts as they rehearse new material for Californian festival Coachella. The catch? It’s fan club only. The ray of hope?

There’s still time to join.

Bella Todd, Latest 7 Editor

19 WHAT’S ON 19 Stage The History Boys; plus free Chichester Festival tickets 20 Clubs Travel round the world with Playgroup at Komedia 21 Music Interview with Olly Knights of Turin Brakes 22 Events See – and help shape – future live performances at The Basement’s monthly Scratch! event 22 Art The photography of Ken Russell 23 L7 Interview & Film Twilight superstar Robert Pattinson on his new indie movie, his old die-hard fans, and why he loves to brood 24 Comedy & Gay Ninia Benjamin at Red Brick Comedy and the Queen’s Arms answer to X Factor 25 Reviews Dave Gorman, Grizzly Bear, Jethro Tull, Luke Wright 26 Sport Tony Marks on the impact of Beckham’s injury 26 TV Telly Talk digs into a fresh helping of foodie TV; plus your seven-day guide to what’s on the box

Whether they originated with the French custom of frying chopped potatoes or the immigrant Jewish tradition of deep-frying fish in batter, fish ’n’ chips have become so indelibly associated with ‘Britishness’ that, when the government finally brings in ID cards, they’ll probably carry information about the holder’s standard chippy order. Mine: battered sausage, medium chips, half a veggie pancake roll, mushy peas to help scoop up the little crispy bits. I generally have to get into the recovery position for a few hours after eating it, but this has been my order since I got old enough to see over the counter, and I’m sticking to it. (Although sick curiosity does draw me to the single pickled egg that’s always floating in an old sweet jar on the top shelf like a remnant from a Victorian freak show).

2010 marks the 150th anniversary of the chippy, and if you’re hoping to celebrate then you’re in the right plaice (tee hee). Whether you’re fine dining at famous seafood restaurant English’s or grabbing a bite with the bikers who flock to Greg Harman’s Madeira Café (see Snap Shots), Brighton is the perfect place to go carb crazy – as Lady Gaga did recently when she requested 35 bags of fish ’n’ chips on her rider. In this week’s cover feature, Andrew Kay introduces you to his own favourite local chippy.

Elsewhere this issue, Robert Pattinson (squeal! squeal! squeal!) chats about his new indie film Remember Me, Brighton favourites Turin Brakes explain how Take That financed their new album, Councillor Mary Mears discusses plans to build a wind farm eight miles off the city’s coast, and Revitalise Laser Spa do hair removal without the usual attendant horror. Be sure to check out Competitions, too, where we’re giving away tickets to some big London shows.

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Sign up to your favourite sections and columnists to keep up to date with local entertainments stories, restaurant openings, health and beauty offers, celebrity gossip, property news and more. www.thelatest.co.uk/7/twitter

Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive

Production Editor Victoria Nangle Latest 7 Editor Bella Todd Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker Sub Editors Melina Greenfield Rachel Junior Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Staff Writers Nick Aldwinckle (Music) Jaime Pettit (Clubs)

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Editorial Assistant Gabriele Barysaite Design Kieran Hood Steve Sawyer Andrew Wright Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Sales Director Lynne Edwards Administration Claire Peerless

01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

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04

SOCIAL DIARY Patrick Kneath

Latest diary Tim Richardson snaps a Lucky Voice launch and Butlers In The Buff promotion

Na IMG Wi Ge Jo IMG Ge IMG Ch Da

Will Jones, Genair Otoo, Jo Hunt (all from Butlers In The Buff)

Just don’t ask Jeeves...

Locals get Lucky Lucky Voice was full to overflowing, as were the complimentary drinks, at the launch party for the karaoke bar’s new Neighbour’s Night promotion. Those who live or work near the Black Lion Street venue can now enjoy half-price room hire and singing every Wednesday. If you haven’t sampled the Lucky Voice experience yet, you can choose from thousands of songs to sing in private Japanese-style booths with your friends. Visit www.luckyvoice.com

Male order company Butlers In The Buff were searching for Brighton’s most gorgeous men at Madame Geisha on Tuesday 9 March. They were recruiting gorgeous waiters with impeccable manners to service parties, events, hen nights and even corporate functions – wearing only a bow tie, collar, cuffs and bottom-revealing apron! Interested? Email photos to work@butlersinthebuff.co.uk and you will be sent an application form.

Charli Garner (Sales Manager, Lucky Voice), Emily Ward (Sales Executive, Lucky Voice)

Pretty Clever Events

Emma Blakiston, Oliver Barrow

005_LS467_Cityspeak_005_LS466_Cityspeak 19/03/2010 11:36 Page 1

CITY SPEAK 05

Life begins at 70

Teen Spirit

Ruby Grimshaw sees Avatar for the six-legged horses

Tasha Dhanraj on a true original

“H

once met a man at a train station who was dressed as a Victorian. It was a sunny, Sunday afternoon and he was there on the opposite platform wearing a top hat, waistcoat, ruffled shirt, a sweeping cloak and holding a cane.

Charles Dickens would have been proud. The only tell-tale sign that he hadn’t fallen through a tear in the space-time continuum was the fact he was wearing black skinny jeans. The only flaw in his otherwise magnificent attire.

I had to know why, so I called out across the railway, “WHY!?” In hindsight, it was probably a bit rude, but I was only 14 and my mind was addled by such a hilarious sight. The answer was that he was going to a wedding where he was under strict instruction to not upstage the bride and groom. I can’t think of anything more brilliant than that!

I thought that would be the first and last time I saw him but, fantastically, it wasn’t. I didn’t realise that the sweeping cloak was a staple fashion item and he had a breathtaking love of hats.

Most days he wondered around looking like a cross between Zorro and Indiana Jones. We ended up taking the same train together quite regularly, which meant I was able to make friends with a genuinely fascinating person.

Because ‘kooky’ seems to be so ‘in’ these days, there are so many people who try their hardest to be as original as possible. The quest

Once I had worked out the six ave you seen Avatar legged horses’ sequence of legs at yet?” I was in the Sunday gallop and appreciated the jockey morning riding lesson position of the blue people on the and we were having a little rest huge swooping birds, I became bored. after trying to canter 20 metre Richard had told me that there was a circles. (More ovals really, but we positive end so when, two hours in, are improving.) the baddies were still killing the “It’s a terrific film!” Richard, our goodies, I realised with despair there riding instructor, is always full of must be at least another half hour to enthusiasm, even at 9am when he’s go. I almost asked the man if he had been up since six catching and any crisps left. feeding horses. (He must help himself Richard was astonished when I to the oats.) “You should go, Ruby. told him of my impressions. “It’s There’re giant horses with six legs. your age,” he said in disgust. (We Work out their sequence at gallop!” have known each At that moment other a long time.) we were trotting and “Once I had “It’s obviously a I was more film for the young.” concerned about the worked out the I was about to say four legs of my it was surprising he feisty little horse sequence of had enjoyed it, Puzzle, who wanted then, but this would to tear off with me at legs at gallop, I have been wise. every corner. But I became bored” not Richard is the one did go to Avatar last who decides who week. It went badly rides what on a Sunday. “I expect from the start. you’re right,” I replied. After all, I can I have a ‘lazy eye’, which has remember ‘going to the flicks’ on never been a problem, but now Saturday mornings, to the Gaumont meant I was unable to get the 3D in Watford High Street, paying a effects. None of the monsters silver sixpence old money (two and stretched their claws out from the a half pence new money!), watching film towards me. Then a man behind the man rising up on his stool to opened a plastic bag full of play the organ in the interval and individual bags of crisps and buying ice-cream off the lady with proceeded to chomp his way her little torch and the tray strapped through the lot, despite my tutting round her waist. Perhaps I should and black looks. I was able to hear wait until National Velvet comes to this continual low level rustling and the Duke of York’s. Elizabeth Taylor crunching even while the screen wins the Grand National but not on a was throwing tremendous roars of six-legged horse. mayhem at me. Infuriating!

I

“Most days he wondered around looking like a cross between Zorro and Indiana Jones” to be different is more important than the quest to be themselves. It seems that bright colours, crazy hair and an over zealous love for pistachio nuts will pass for individuality.

I am guilty of this too – I always wear odd socks because I hope it will serve as a tiny rebellion to demonstrate how terribly disestablishmentarian I am. I also use unnecessarily and often ill-placed long words to show my eccentricity. Can’t we just accept that most of us are consumerist sheep?

It’s so rare to meet a true eccentric in life. They’re the people who are just weird in the best possible way. They ooze effortless individuality and are the most entertaining people to chat to. I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone should have at least one of them in their life. I’ve now known the Victorian for three years and I wish that everyone was more like him. But then if they tried to be, they would be severely missing the point.

Share Ruby’s ennui with Avatar? Want to nominate your favourite Brighton original? comment@thelatest.co.uk “Some scientists say men are born with a cheating impulse; you know, like an evolutionary urge to reproduce with as many mates as possible? Of course,” I take a long lick of my ice-cream, “those scientists are all having it off with their secretaries.”

“So you’re saying he’ll have more luck procreating with Brian than with Will Harris on the cheating game me?” He has a point there. The concept of dating Darwinism does hit a bit of an evolutionary cul de sac when it comes to gay men. After all, we traded in genes for jeans long ago, and we cheat more than anyone.

I don’t know which is worse,” says my flatmate; “the fact he cheated on “It’s not biology. It’s self-esteem,” says our friend P, later that afternoon. me, or the fact he cheated on me with someone called Brian.” “Tough Having come to his flat in search of guidance, we are sitting cross-legged call,” I say, passing him a Cornetto and on the floor drinking green tea. P is officially the unwrapping one myself. wisest of our mutual friends, having gone a bit mad “The concept of dating We’re sitting on a brick wall outside, taking during his last break-up and almost bankrupted advantage of the first properly warm day of the year. himself panic-buying self-help books on Amazon.

Darwinism does hit a bit of Who doesn’t love those first few days at the start of “Most gay men have low self-esteem,” he spring, when you can feel the sun right down in your an evolutionary cul de sac continues, “so we take our comfort where we can. bones and practically hear the pop of buds unfurling We shag around to prove to the world that we’re as the earth comes back to life? when it comes to gay men” worth shagging.” As we nod sagely and sip our green “I don’t want this Cornetto. I want to kill myself.” tea, P pulls a book from the top of a pile and thumbs Unfortunately for my flatmate, the sudden shift in the it open at a random page. His hands are marked with seasons has been accompanied by a shift in dabs of highlighter pen, like stigmata, where he’s relationship status; since discovering his musician boyfriend been picking out key points. has been playing away while on tour, my friend has gone “I keep thinking it’s all my own fault,” says my from the verge of cohabiting to the verge of suicide. flatmate sadly, staring into his cup. “But it isn’t, “If you kill yourself,” I say, “can I have your iPod?” is it?”

We watch as two young couples walk past, “No.” I slide ‘It’s Called A Break Up Because holding hands and laughing in the sunshine. “I It’s Broken’ in his direction. “You’re just just don’t understand. After all the time we put in Brian-damaged.” to the relationship, why throw it all away for follow me on twitter latestwill someone he’d only just met?”

William Tells

“I

006_LS467_newsphil-Council_000_LS466_newsphil/Council 18/03/2010 15:57 Page 2

06 LATEST NEWS Photo: SNAP

L7 News

7

comment@thelatest.co.uk

days of headlines with Phil Mills

[Re Marathon Mary, Sport, L7 465] Hi Mary, I’m the guy who wasn’t wearing shoes and socks!

Just wanted to say hi and well done. Anyone that got round in those conditions did really well!

I’m also running the Brighton Marathon (plus London a week later to raise money for VICTA – Visually Impaired Children Taking Action) so say hi if you see me next time! Just thought I’d say though, as far as I’m aware, iPods/MP3 players aren’t allowed for the marathon. Just to warn you! Good luck. I have been running barefoot for the last eight months and it's lots of fun. I'm looking into setting up a barefoot running club in May/June too.

Barefoot Joe, via www.thelatest.co.uk, http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com /joeaddison

Showers for cyclists, sing-swimming for babies, beer for breakfast and buildings galore

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Photo: SNAP

A demonstration eco housing development on Brighton and Hove land is proposed as part of a lowcarbon quarter for Shoreham Harbour.

The project moved a step closer after the government announced it will support Shoreham Harbour’s regeneration with a grant of up to £1.5 million. The eco quarter could contain around 5,000 homes and a similar level of jobs.

Not all planning stories were positive. A couple who built an extension at the front of their property without planning permission were fined nearly £18,000 yesterday

by Brighton magistrates and ordered to take it down.

Brighton and Hove City Council had been requiring they remove the extension, which consists of a balcony and carport with associated piers and walls; remove waste materials from the front of the house and make good any damage caused to the wall of the original house and forecourt since they started the unauthorised work in 2005.

On the police beat, the discovery of human remains in undergrowth

Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on a wind farm for the city

I

f there is one project above all others that has really fired my imagination since I became Leader of the Council then it must be the proposed new wind farm eight miles off the Brighton and Hove coast. This ambitious scheme has the potential to generate enough clean electricity to power 250,000 homes and, if we play our cards right, will also be a massive boost to the local economy.

Last week the Cabinet had a presentation from the project developers E.ON and the Crown Estate, who are responsible for the management of the coastal waters where the turbines will be sited.

at High and Over near Seaford has detectives baffled. The skeletal remains had been there months, possibly years.

Meanwhile, beer for breakfast may soon be the order of the day at the 15 branches of Weatherspoons in Sussex after the chain announced plans to open at 7am from next month.

In other news, a new shower service has been opened at Hove town hall for cyclists, the skyline restaurant is now open for meals before big events at the Brighton Centre, and a new play area has been opened at Tavistock Down.

And calling all water babies – if you’ve a baby who loves singing and splashing, then the local library service is offering a Baby Boogie scheme at the Prince Regent. For more information call 01273 293312.

Photo: SNAP

reen shoots of recovery are sprouting around the city in the form of new building projects.

One of the largest involves one of Brighton’s most famous hotels, the Old Ship Hotel on the seafront, which has been granted planning permission to build a new sevenstorey extension. It will provide 42 bedrooms, two conference rooms, car parking and a restaurant/bar.

During the ground work, the county’s archaeologist will be able to evaluate the site which is part of medieval ‘Old Brighton.’

Councillor Lynda Hyde, chairman of the planning committee, said: “As well as providing much-needed new bed spaces for visitors, the development is sensitive to the surrounding buildings and the new restaurant will improve the appearance at street level.”

Despite student unrest, planned strikes and cuts in jobs, Sussex University is looking to the future and has received planning permission for a new four-storey academic building together with a 500-seat lecture theatre.

Twenty-four low-cost apartments will be built at Burstead Close in Brighton. The planning committee granted the scheme to demolish an unused former residential home and build a five-storey apartment building with 24 affordable housing units of varying sizes with car and cycle parking. Each flat will have access to either a private garden/patio, roof terrace or balcony and two will be wheelchair accessible.

latest inbox

Dear readers, we are currently looking for healthy volunteers who would be interested in participating in research. If you are aged 18-50 and would be interested in finding out more, please call 01273 696955 ext 3522. You will be reimbursed for your time and inconvenience.

All research conducted in the unit has been approved by an ethics committee.

Victoria Sellick Lead Research Nurse, The Clinical Investigation and Research Unit, The Royal Sussex County Hospital [Re Richmond Fontaine review, L7 465] ‘Maybeeeeeeeeee... We were both born bluuuuuuuuueeeeeeee’.

Blinding!

John, via www.thelatest.co.uk

Should Sussex branches of Weatherspoons open at 7am?

comment@thelatest.co.uk follow me on twitter

Make no mistake, this is a massive project both physically – each of the 100 plus individual turbines will be 300ft high – and financially – the capital investment from E.ON is £3 billion.

Assuming that all the appropriate planning consents are granted, construction is expected to begin in 2016.

This may seem like quite a long way off but I have to say that I am already extremely impressed with their commitment to do everything possible to involve and benefit local residents and businesses in the planning, construction and eventual running of the wind farm.

For example, they have already employed a local consultancy – SeaRoc – to carry out wildlife surveys and other environmental work. In addition, they are also looking for a location for a local office to house their project development team and have indicated that Shoreham Port could be a key location in the supply chain both before and after construction. I hope these are all really good signs of things to come.

The Crown Estate has estimated that up to 70,000

You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

latest7news

jobs will be created if all nine of their proposed offshore schemes come to fruition. We shall be putting the case very forcefully with E.ON that a significant number of these – including apprenticeships – should come to Brighton and Hove.

The council is staging a free conference, ‘The Evolving Seas’, with the University of Brighton from 15-16 April. See www.brighton-hove.gov.uk

Horns Rev Offshore Wind Farm, Denmark Photo courtesy of BWEA

007_LS467_Bookings-Comps-chart_007_LS466_Bookings/Comps/chart 19/03/2010 11:12 Page 1

BOOKINGS | COMPETITIONS | CHART 07 VAMPIRES ROCK

L7 Bookings On sale this week…

MOTORHEAD Brighton Centre, 28 November, £26, 0844 8471515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk One of the few hard rock bands who haven’t gone soft, Lemmy and co. celebrate their 35th anniversary, their forthcoming studio release, and the very existence of Lemmy: The Movie, due later this year.

STRAIGHT UP 2010 Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 17 July, £9-£35 (family ticket), 01273 709 709, www.brightondome.org Brighton’s own hip-hop and streetdance organisation, Streetfunk, present their annual youth dance showcase, featuring three-times UK Hip Hop Street Dance Champions, Plague.

Brighton Centre, 29 October, £23, 0844 8471515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk The Rocky Horror Show meets We Will Rock You in this pyrotechnicsboosted musical comedy, in which Steve Steinman plays Baron Von Rockula, owner of the Live And Let Die club, who’s in search of a new bride. Featuring ‘Bat Out Of Hell’, ‘Since You’ve Been Gone’, ‘Sweet Child Of Mine’ and other rock anthems.

1 No Sharp Objects – Home 2 Mr Resonate – The road to 2012 vol 5 3 Tenek – Submission 4 Jaybee – The Wild Wild East

Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 13 October, £25, 01273 709 709, www.brightondome.org The Pub Landlord’s ‘Barrel Of Fun’ show (which Murray will be trying out at Komedia in May) gets a full tour.

5 Jaybee – Turn Me On

7 Panos Christofi – I’ll Never Know

JEFF WAYNE’S WAR OF THE WORLDS

8 No Sharp Objects – The Wrong Kind Of Love

Brighton Centre, 16 December, £42.50-£60, 0844 8471515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk Moody Blues’ Justin Hayward, Atomic Kitten’s Liz McClarnon, X-Factor’s Rhydian, Manfred Mann’s Chris Thompson and Jason Donovan have just been announced as the cast for this year’s strings ’n’ sci-fi spectacular. It’s what (cheese) dreams are made of.

MR HUDSON Concorde 2, 6 May, £12, 01273 673311, www.concorde2.co.uk Kanye West’s unlikely protegé brings his Jools Holland-friendly, white middle class R n B and hip-hop to town.

Komedia, 15 June, £16.50, 01273 647100, www.komedia.co.uk/brighton Hairy siblings, poised to release a new album of cuddly, cheery folk-pop, tour with support here from piano-playing melodicist Ed Harcourt.

TOOTS AND THE MAYTALS Concorde 2, 17 June, £22.50, 01273 673311, www.concorde2.co.uk Reggae legends play their favourite Brighton stop-off.

6 Panos Christofi – Only The Night

9 UNIQUE 3 – Take This Love feat Adele Collins 10 Harper Ash – Me And Mr Kelleher We have another new number one this week as vaguely psychedelic ‘60s-style rockers No Sharp Objects hit the top spot with their best chart entry to date, ‘Home’. Meanwhile he former number one, rapper Mr Resonate, takes second place with his political rant, ‘The Road To 2012 Vol 5’ as stoics Tenek stay put at three with the slightly shadowy electro pop of ‘Submission’. Completing the top five, one-time Columnist Idol contestant and decent pop singer-songwriter Jaybee hits the one-two with ‘The Wild Wild East’ and ‘Turn Me On’.

11 Panos Christofi In My Mind 12 Chaos Borne Watching 13 Black Nail God Damn You 14 Tenek State Of Mind 15 Chaos Borne I Will

COMPETITIONS

WIN! STAR WARS: IN CONCERT TICKETS Narrated live by Anthony Daniels (aka C-P30), this production will see the Royal Philharmonic Concert Orchestra performing music from all six of John Williams’ epic Star Wars scores to hugescreen footage of the films. Win a pair of tickets to this amazing multi-media event at the 02 Arena on Sunday 4 April.

Q Who wrote the Star Wars scores?

Step it up, step it up.

As part of the fantastic Ether Festival at London’s Southbank Centre (from 9-24 April),

Brighton Download Chart TOP 10 8 Latest

AL MURRAY

MAGIC NUMBERS + ED HARCOURT

STEREO MCS VS THE BAYS TICKETS

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

we’re giving away two pairs of tickets to see Stereo MCs Vs The Bays, plus The Herbaliser, on Friday 16 April at The Royal Festival Hall. Go on, get yourself connected.

Q What London festival is this gig part of?

ANGUS AND JULIA STONE ALBUMS The acoustic-Aussie bro and sis duo have just released Down The Way, their second album full of graceful, minimal beauty.

Q What country are Angus and Julia Stone from?

Ó TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN,

22 Jaybee brokeback mountain 23 The Last Cry Rebekka 24 Panos Christofi If You Do What You Always Do...

25 The Mojo Fins Meet Me At The Pictures

16 Rory Mulligan & The 26 Jason Smart Imaginary Band Jesus Of The Paint Your Pictures Dinosaurs 17 Jaybee 27 Harper Ash Cowboys Blues Dragonfly 18 Tenek 28 PROJECT B If I Should Fall ORIGINAL RIP 19 Chaos Borne 29 XamXam The Moment Yamma Jatta 20 The Wolfgirl Liberation 30 Stuart Newman The Company Head Hurts of Wolves 21 The Wolfgirl Liberation Tuesday

SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos

EMAIL: competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the Competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email.

Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date is Monday 5 April, apart from Star Wars which is Tuesday 30 March.

SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC AND VIDEOS www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

008_LS466_Snap Shots_000_LS466_Snap Shots 18/03/2010 15:05 Page 2

08 SNAP SHOTS

Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: Greg Harman of the Madeira ‘Biker’ Café

“

I’m very proud the bikers have picked my café as their meeting point – they come from all over the country especially to meet here, so I get to meet the most interesting people from all walks of life. The local police bikers hang out here too, all year round: they have named the cafe ‘The Office’! The building has a great history, too – it was built as the old Chain Pier master's house in 1838

”

Proprietor Greg Harman outside his Madeira Café on Madeira Drive. Although loved by many for its fish ’n’ chips and big cooked breakfasts, the seafront eatery now has a claim to being one of Britain’s top biker venues. Up to 100 motorbikes sit outside Greg’s café during the summer months, giving it a very unique feel.

the place for parties atmospheric, affordable, available friday & saturday nights – or any night you make the booking – we make it happen tell us what you want – we provide it all birthdays, weddings, civil partnerships, office parties, business events, hen & stag nights

call angi on 01273 687171 or email angi@thelatest.co.uk manchester street, brighton

tel. 01273 687171

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar

009_LS467_celebcity_000_LS466_celebcity 18/03/2010 16:41 Page 1

CELEBCITY 09

SPONSORED BY

Celebcity with Jo Brooks Greta Scacchi pups up for charity, Tom Chaplin reveals new addiction, and Julie Graham joins The Bill

GRETA’S LITTLE HELPERS H

assocks-based actress Greta Scacchi accepted a large cheque for £700 on behalf of the charity Shine last week – arriving fashionably late with her son Matteo and beloved Jack Russell puppies Kelpie and Oscar in tow. I think you’ll agree they are pretty cute!

Shine, of which Greta is a patron, is a fantastic theatre group for disabled and able bodied kids alike. I once got the chance to see the Shine children

perform at the New Inn in Hurspierpoint a couple of summers ago – believe me, there wasn’t a dry eye in the marquee as they all belted out songs from the musicals.

Dominic Worrell, owner of the New Inn pub, decided to donate all the money from their New Year’s Eve party to Shine and said, “We have always tried to ensure that both our pubs, The New Inn at Hurstpierpoint and The Bull at Ditchling, play an active role in supporting their communities. The Shine Theatre Trust do such an amazing job in creating a unique and very special environment for so many local children, and we are really proud o help them in any way we can."

All the profits from sales of tickets for their New Years Eve celebrations went to Shine.

JULIE GETS ARRESTED Brighton based actress Julie Graham – just off our screens in the gritty BBC 1 drama Survivors – has decided to hang up her civvies for a uniformed role in ITV1’s long-running police drama, The Bill.

Julie, who has lived in Brighton for many years, joins as Commander Lisa Kennedy. Asked about her new character in a recent interview, Julie said, “I like the scripts and I liked the fresh new approach. I was very impressed by the way The Bill has changed, they’ve paired it down and I think it’s much stronger.”

Her character, she says, is “bolshie, straighttalking and quite down to earth.” We all wish Julie the best of luck with her new role!

SPOTTED! Presenter Michael Aspel dining out at Donatello’s (see pic). Michael, who own a flat in Brighton, loves s nothing more than strollin around the lanes looking g at the, dare I say it – antiques shops!

Greta Scacchi and her son Matteo plus their dogs

BOXER VS BOBBY Ex-boxer Michael Watson was in town last week for the launch of Hear bar and restaurant in St James’s Street. A regular visitor to Brighton – as he often visits Chris Eubank – Michael is pictured here with ex-Bill actor Chris Ellison. By the looks of it, Michael met his match!

TOM’S A KEANE GOLFER Tom Chaplin, frontman of Hastings-based Keane, famously battled with booze and drugs after his band hit the big time. Now he’s admitted his secret to staying clean – playing golf!

Tom, who penned such hits as ‘Everybody’s Changing’ and ‘Somewhere Only We Know’, told fans he is a pretty nifty player and has an incredible handicap of eight. Unsurprisingly he’s also a great admirer of rocker Alice Cooper – who also says that playing golf saved him from rock ‘n’ roll oblivion.

Have you spotted a celeb in the city? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

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010_LS467_cheeky-stars_000_LS467_cheeky/stars 18/03/2010 13:51 Page 2

ONLY JOKING!

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

I remember...Patcham!

These days it’s a sleepy, respectable little suburb – Brighton’s dowdier, less successful sibling if you will.

That still lives with its mum.

And was once questioned by the police in the early ’90s over an incident involving indecent exposure outside a chip shop. But what was it like in the laughing ’20s and flirty ’30s? 102 year old Illya Sensible remembers...

Folks says a lot of unkind things about old Patcham. Dull they calls it.

Or boring. Or monotonous. People say that one quite a lot. Humdrum – that’s another epithet that is flung at it.

Vapid. Unexciting. Wearisome. But I have to laugh when I hear these things because I remember Patcham

in its prime. I’m not one for hyperbole, but I don’t think it would be an exaggeration to say that back then Patcham was more exciting than a hundred Las Vegases crossed with a thousand New York Cities.

I’m a Patcham lad born and bred – brought into the world at No 15 Dale

Crescent on 31 November 1909. My dad was a costermonger and my mum was Dean of Corpus Christi College, Oxford, so it was quite a normal upbringing. I spent my boyhood frolicking about Patcham's pastures and meadows. Of course, there was more greenery about in those days – where all those housing estates are now was fields back then. And where all those fields are now was fields back then too.

Different fields though.

Now, as everyone knows, there was prohibition in England between 1920 and 1925, and Patcham took advantage of this by opening several very popular speakeasies. “Smokey Joe's” was the most notorious of them, and I worked there as a teenager – serving drinks, mopping the spit off the floor, and occasionally playing the hits of Guns N'Roses on the piano. All the great and the good used to come along for a shot of our “bathtub gin” – Jack Dempsey, George and Ira Gershwin, Clara Bow, Benito Mussolini, Calvin Coolidge, Jimmy Jinx, Fred the Flop, Julius Cheeser, Scrapper, Baby Crockett...

One time, after a drinking competition with H L Mencken, I passed out in the gents and awoke to discover that Charlie Chaplin had stolen all the small change from my pockets. That was Chaplin for you. He was a worthless, unprincipled, sadistic, despicable, evil criminal, but he certainly knew how to put on a false moustache and baggy trousers and saunter about swinging a cane.

Wicked Chinese Whispers

In & Out Special novels by people better known in other walks of life edition In • The Alfred Hitchcock Mysteries: The Three Investigators Series • Douglas Hurd’s Palace Of Enchantments • An Act Of Treachery

by Ann Widdecombe • Captives Of The Moon

by Patrick Moore

Out • Crater Of Fear

by Patrick Moore • Madonna’s The English Roses • The Old Man Of Lochnagar by HRH Prince Charles • Goodnight Steve McQueen

by Louise Wener

8

• Which tartan crucifix pleased sump oil fantastic plastic cartwheel?

• Which harried deny whisk takes shag pile bishop multi-storey cardiogram?

• News reaches us that worm safari takes in perfume rectally over stair lift worship ten times a night!

• Shhh! Which frightened popsicle invincible sifts algorithmically past glue, waits, and flies toad’s plane?

• Which high-profile onion matriculated priceless vole, furious okra, weeping for a lonely field spaniel cube?

Of course, Patcham is famous for its windmill – but many people forget that back in the ‘80s it was painted pink, and was the home of famous TV star Rod Hull...

(CONTINUED ON PAGE 98)

8

10

BARDSLEY?S

Astral Angi

Astral’s guide to inter-star sign love

★ARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

★CANCER {June 22–July 22}

★LIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

★CAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

★TAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

★LEO {July 23–Aug 22}

★SCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

★AQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

★GEMINI {May 22–June 21}

★VIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

★SAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

★PISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

Can Ariens date Ariens? Well you can, but on your own heads be it. One Aries at a time is fiery enough for me. Don’t worry though, there are 12 more signs to try.

Straightforward Taureans, on the other hand, make good companions – basic, down to earth and easy going in each other’s company. I like to see a couple of bulls go head to head.

Geminis are the natural twins in the cosmic dating game. So go for it and ignore any suggestion that your relationship with another Gemini is in any way incestuous.

Cancerians, despite that hard shell, are caring types. Make an ideal bond with another Cancer if you want to create a warm family. Careful planning and you could have little Cancer babies, awww.

Leo on Leo is bound to end up in a power struggle. Not that that is a bad or impossible thing but be prepared for a fight. I rather like watching a pair of cats go at it.

Virgos continual search for perfection could be resolved by coupling with another Virgo. It could also lead to a very dull and endless life of failed dreams. Beware.

Librans’ inability to make decisions could lead to all sorts of problems if you are to get together. No decisions, no results – a life of misery and dissatisfaction all round. Best avoid.

Scorpio couples will find unbridled passion at the start of a relationship.

But how long can you keep it up?

That’s the question. A common understanding may be enough.

Sagi on Sagi love action is a dangerous thing. You may be compatible, but are you ready for the full impact of a carnal interaction? No? Okay, break out the custard creams.

WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

Power crazed Capricorns make dangerous couples and can easily upset the apple cart. So much ambition in one relationship may seem like a good idea but believe me, it’s not.

Research tells me that two Aquarians bonding will redefine the meaning of the word relationship. But I know that Aquarians can have a ‘relationship’ with an inanimate object, so get real.

Pisces with Pisces will be so loved up the rest of us will have to leave the room. I’m planning to go down to Bardsley’s and avoid the fishy love fest and have a cod piece of my own.

011_LS467_bardsleys_011_LS466_interview 19/03/2010 11:02 Page 1

FISH ’N’ CHIPS 11

IT’S A FAMILY AFFAIR At Bardsley’s fish ’n’ chips are in the blood and have been for generations. Andrew Kay waxes lyrical about his favourite restaurant

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t’s no secret among those in the know that Bardsley’s is my favourite restaurant. Oh I know most people think I am a foodie snob but, at heart, I like nothing more than a plate of fish ’n’ chips, especially when they are well made.

I came across Bardsley’s 22 years ago when I first migrated to the South Coast. Back then I was commuting to London daily. Baker Street was oneway in the opposite direction, and on my way home, so it became the easy option after a hard day at the coal face of modern publishing.

I soon became a regular at Bardsley’s and, when my 38th birthday came along, I asked them if I could have a party there, after hours. They said yes, and thus started my long relationship with the Brown family. Yes, Brown: Roy, Muriel and son Neil are the core of this fish ’n’ chip dynasty, Muriel being the Bardsley by birth, and her grandfather and father having built the business.

The Bardsleys came to Brighton from Lancashire, and great-grandfather Ben Bardsley’s emporium originally stood close to the seafront in Upper Russell Street, where we now have Churchill Square.

It was hugely popular and, like many real fish ’n’ chip shops, offered both a take-away service and a dining room. To this day, Bardsley’s call it a dining room rather than a restaurant – an indicator of their commitment to retaining traditions.

Over the last 20 years the Baker Street premises has expanded, now occupying three spaces with two dining rooms and a bar. When regulars heard of the latter expansion there was concern that the business was getting a bit posh, but none of it.

Bardsley’s remains a dyed-in-the-wool fish ’n’ chip shop in every sense.

Of course, progress has demanded change.

Roy and the team have moved with the times and today their business reflects current trends. By that I do not mean foodie trends, although the range of fish on the specials blackboard would shame some of the best fish restaurants in the land. They are aware of fish politics and diminishing resources, and one day a week they do not offer cod on

the menu, substituting it with a locally-sourced alternative as often as possible. This move proved so popular that regulars started asking for fish like pollock every day of the week.

Roy is a fish fanatic, so don’t be surprised if he tries to twist your arm to try something new, like wolf fish. And be prepared: if he catches you drowning your fish in ketchup before tasting it he may well intervene. He is in truth a boisterous character, a raconteur who likes nothing more than coming from behind the fryer and chatting with his customers. It’s part of the Bardsley’s experience, and whilst he is out there ribbing a diner, wife Muriel and son Neil will be at the pans rolling their eyes back in mock horror. They all know we love it – it’s part of the reason we all go back time and time again.

“I know everyone wants me to say I love Michelin stars, but I would trade them in any day for a fine plate of haddock and chips at Bardsley’s”

That and the food. Now when it comes to fish ’n’ chips I think of myself as a bit of a purist. I like my fish battered, my chips crisp and hand cut, and a bowl of mushy peas on the side. I don’t want herbs or garlic or any of your other fancy southern fads.

Remember that fish ’n’ chips was a northern invention 150 years ago, despite cockney pretenders claiming it was theirs.

Roy and the gang love to advise and there are dishes that he will zip up with a few herbs or a touch of garlic – when appropriate. It’s not all about fried fish either: grilled or poached is on offer for those who fear the deep fat. Not that it need be much of an issue. fish ’n’ chips, when fried at the correct temperature, are not saturated in cooking fat.

On the contrary, the hot fat seals the surface and food inside cooks in the transferred heat. If your fish ’n’ chips are soggy then the fat has been too cool, and that’s not going to happen at Bardsley’s.

Oh, by the way, that party was a huge success, so much so that the Browns built on the idea and now a huge amount of their business is catering for parties of all sizes, both in the dining room and for outside functions. Some of the chicest hosts in the city have dinner shipped in, in paper, from Bardsley’s.

So popular are the parties that booking is essential, especially at weekends. They have even held black-tie dinners and many wedding breakfasts. It must be great fun watching the white-dressed bride tuck into a huge fillet of fish and a mountain of chips after months of rations to get into her frock.

Not that fish ’n’ chips are the only option: Bardsley’s are perfectly used to serving massive seafood platters, piles of oysters and delicious Dover soles for those with more expensive tastes. Even the veggies are catered for with a range of meat and fish-free options.

And, sadly from my point of view, vegetable oil is used to cook in, instead of the more traditional beef dripping.

Recently the Max Miller Society created a massive display or memorabilia including one of the Cheeky Chappy’s floral suits in one of Bardsley’s dining rooms, and that now attracts a lot of attention from both fans and newcomers.

If asked to sum up what I think makes Bardsley’s so special, I would struggle. So many factors make the place what it is: great food, atmosphere and service are all important.

But at the end of the day it comes down to the family and the team that surrounds them. There is a genuine Bardsley’s experience: a warm, homely sense of welcome, a touch of nostalgia and tradition, and a great sense of fun too.

I know everyone wants me to say I love Michelin stars, but I would trade them in any day for a fine plate of haddock and chips at Bardsley’s.

Bardsley’s, 22 Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256, www.bardsleys-fishandchips.co.uk

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013_LS467_fishandchipsintro_015_LS466_food 19/03/2010 11:57 Page 1

FISH ’N’ CHIPS 13

Frying tonight This year marks the 150th anniversary of that great British institution, fish ’n’ chips

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ittle sets the taste buds tingling as quickly as the seductive aroma of fish ’n’ chips. And this year marks the 150th anniversary of this most British of traditions. Rival experts dispute the first actual ‘chippy’, but records show that in 1860 one opened in Lancashire and one in London. Before that, there was certainly a tradition of selling fried fish, but this was sold cold from baskets by street vendors and would probably not appeal to modern tastes – or food hygiene standards.

Diet fanatics would love us to believe that fish ’n’ chips are “These days some an unhealthy option, but when cooked well they’re a nutritious of the finest restaurants choice – and a tasty one, too.

Hot fat is the key here, forming include battered cod and a tight seal around both the chips on their menus – potato and the fish, stopping itself from penetrating deeper. some even get it right!”

So how do you like yours?

Straight from the paper on a bench on the seafront; walking home after a night out; taken home to share with the family, or in one of the fine dining rooms where they can be enjoyed crisp and hot from the pan?

It’s not only the traditional fish ’n’ chip shop celebrating this deliciously British treat. These days, some of the finest restaurants in the land include battered cod and chips on their menus – some of them even get it right!

Here in Brighton, we are blessed with some excellent choices. As well as Bardsley’s, featured here this week, we have a fine example of a seaside fish ’n’ chip restaurant: The Regency, opposite the sad remains of the West Pier. For years this has been a local favourite, so much so that we get cross when tourists fill it up in the summer months. As well as fried fish, there are great mornays and excellent seafood dishes. The view and atmosphere is great, too. The Regency is a landmark restaurant on our seafront and truly affordable.

Along the front you will also find Buddies. Open ‘til late it offers a great option all day, with good fish ’n’ chips alongside a wide menu that also includes great breakfasts. Popular all year round and inexpensive too, Buddies buzzes with life ’til late in the night.

Of course, no talk of fish ’n’ chips would be complete without mention of Englishes. One of the city’s oldest restaurants, they have always specialised in fish – in particular, local fish. Their food ranges from classic to more contemporary takes on fish cooking, and they are famous for their beautiful oyster bar. In fact, the interior of the restaurant is, in itself, a piece of food history, and certainly one not to be missed. Nor should you be scared of going in; history and reputation do not always mean high prices and there are always excellent offers and bargain lunch menus to be found.

If we are responsible in the way we fish and respectful of the resource, then there is no reason why we will not be celebrating this finest of meals in another 150 years.

THE REGENCY RESTAURANT The Regency Restaurant is the oldest and most popular family friendly seafront restaurant in Brighton, serving fresh local fish, shellfish, pasta, meat and vegetarian dishes.

The Regency Restaurant is a Grade II listed building and was originally the palatial seaside home of Thomas (Founder of Coutts Bank) and Harriet Coutts.

Harriet Coutts loved the house as she could sit and eat her favourite dish of King Prawns looking out to the sea and the West Pier. When Mr Coutts died leaving Harriet Coutts the richest woman in Europe, she married the Duke of St Albans and the house became famous for the lavish parties they would throw. It was turned in to a restaurant in 1930.

It is a family run restaurant and for the past 25 years Roberto and Emilio are always there to ensure that they serve probably the best quality fish and chips in Brighton.

• Highly recommended by Rick Steine and Antony Worrall Thompson • Extensive wine list, superb views of the West Pier • Seating for 140

For Reservations call Emilio or Roberto on 01273-325014 The Regency Restaurant, 131 Kings Road (opposite the West Pier), Brighton, BN1 2HH Web:www.theregencyrestaurant.co.uk

014_LS467_Hotlist_014_LS466_Hotlist 18/03/2010 17:57 Page 2

14 HOTLIST

L7 Hotlist Eateries and bars catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk Restaurants British & modern European Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials.

Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue.

There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

The Gallery of t d

s e.

The Gallery restaurant is an independent British restaurant located in the heart of Brighton’s Lanes. The Gallery prides itself in serving the very best fresh, locally sourced and seasonal menu created by their head chef Mosa Jobi. Mosa joined the team in 2007 from the Dorchester Mayfair Hotel in London and has taken the restaurant from strength to strength. The Gallery restaurant offers a warm, personable environment to celebrate any occasion.

The Gallery Restaurant, 28 East Street, Brighton, BN11HL, 01273 773327

Koba Bar and Venue Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar Sunday to Friday with cocktails from £2.95 and wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and

has received many awards, including one of the ‘top 50 bars in the UK’.

Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

The Restaurant At Drakes Nestled inside Brighton’s finest designer hotel – the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Winner of two coveted AA Rosettes, Drakes offers exquisite cuisine with the highest quality seasonal ingredients. Twocourse menu for £28 or thee courses for £36.

Five course chef’s menu £50. Private dining room available for parties of up to 12 people.

The Restaurant At Drakes, 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com

Chinese Gars Restaurant This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French Cocoa Patisserie Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest

ingredients. They offer a wide selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. Beautiful cakes made to order.

48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

street food plus a good selection of thalis and the ever-popular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national awardwinning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a wine list also feature.

42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824, www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

New Steine Bistro

Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori

This cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions is the perfect setting to enjoy homemade French food using local produce as much as possible. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three , Sunday to Thursday, and £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available. Open 6pm.

10 /11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/restaurant.asp

Established in 1987 and set in a 16th century building, Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori carefully blends Bangladeshi & Indian influences, creating great food and an atmosphere with a difference. It’s not just a meal, but an experience. Why not come down and see for yourself?

Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori, 130–136 Old London Road, Patcham, Brighton, BN1 8YA, 01273 507075

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials.

Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish, and an Anglo-French cheeseboard.

Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the twocourse lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French roast.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian

Thai Sabai Thai Gastrobar Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. With its cosy Thai cushions nestled up on a raised platform, enjoy a 2-for-1 cocktail or dishes in the afternoon from just £4.95.

Sabai’s great atmosphere is made complete with an acoustic guitarist on Wednesdays and Sundays.

165–169 Princes House, Princes Place, North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabaibrighton.co.uk, bookings@sabaibrighton.co.uk

Chaula’s Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of The Lanes. Lunch is packed full of Indian

Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience.’ Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi.Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

To add your restaurant, bar or cafe to our latest Hotlist call Advertising today on 01273 818150

015_LS467_food_015_LS466_food 19/03/2010 12:47 Page 1

ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 15

Food & Drink Andrew Kay braves the cold night air for dinner at Chambers Bistro in Shoreham-by-Sea

Chamber music C

old as it was, we climbed into the crumbly Nissan and hit the road for Shoreham-by-Sea. Ideally I would have liked to be climbing the wooden hill to Bedlington, but a man has priorities. So despite being dog tired we were off to report on Chambers Bistro.

Chambers comes from the same team that bring us House in East Street.

I loved House when I ate there: great value food packed with flavour.

Chambers had a lot to live up to.

The bistro occupies what were once council chambers right on the River Adur, although recent building now blocks the view from the terrace, sadly.

I had eaten there, very well, in a previous incarnation – the restaurant’s, not mine. The new owners have given the place a smart new look, far more restaurant than bar, and it’s very smart indeed.

The menu is a collection of classic dishes, nothing scary or outré, which was comforting on a vile winter’s night. There is also a menu with a short selection of daily specials, all very tempting. Mr R and I were joined by Mr and Mrs F, who live locally and were already at the table with a drink in hand.

Mrs F chose a prawn starter that hummed with garlic and was “The menu is a brilliantly presented with the collection of classic heads on but the shells removed.

Mr R had the twice baked goat dishes, nothing scary cheese soufflé, declaring the salad delicious as well as the or outré, which was lighter than light main part. Mr F was doing specials, starting with a comforting on a vile pigeon and pork terrine with a pear chutney. He loved it, but for winter’s night” personal preference would have liked more fat. I might have agreed, but I can see why the kitchen makes it lean in these health conscious days. I chose scallops with cauliflower purée, crispy carrots and beetroot. A modern classic with a twist, delivered with aplomb.

Mrs F moved on to the fish of the day, a grilled plaice with sauté potatoes, and Mr R had the Harvey’s battered cod and chips. Both were equally delighted by both content and presentation.

Mr F had the special beef stroganoff, fillet steak in a rich sauce with mash; hearty winter fare that even he could not finish. I too chose fillet steak in the form of the classic Tournedos Rossini – with a twist.

Gone the heavy croute, in its place a disc of crisp puff pastry; gone the super rich foie gras, there a portion of light and creamy chicken liver sussexfoodawards.com parfait. With it, a deep mahogany jus, slightly sweet – perhaps with

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Madeira – but not as cloying as the traditional Madeira sauce. A side of chips was tip top and, although not sophisticated, very welcome.

The dessert menu is wintery and solid. I would have chosen something lighter had I had the choice, but when my pear and ginger upside down cake arrived I was glad that I had not been given that option.

A stellar pud, really top notch, and my guest agreed that a chocolate brownie, a spiced orange creme brulée and a special of coconut and carrot cake were all equally brilliant. And I am pleased to say that everything appears to be made on the premises. The waiter told me the recipe for my perfect pudding came from the chef’s granny and that he would never part with it. I did say that I might have to threaten violence to get it; it really was very good and cured me of a fear of upside down pudding engendered by them normally being made with the vile pineapple thing.

Prices are sensible at the lower end and not scary at the top, by which I mean you can eat well for a reasonable sum or splash out. Portions are generous too – no dolly food here – but at the same time they were not ’grotesquely’ large as I find in some places that are baulking the recent trend for dainty.

We all drank wine by the glass, which gave us choice and suited our differing tastes and dishes. Full marks, too, for exemplary service from a lady who was efficient, stylish and witty, and coped with a pretty full room on her own. I wish I lived closer, I would certainly become a regular here, and I hope to pop in and try their lunch menu when I am next in the area.

Chambers Bistro, Old Town Hall, High Street, Shoreham-by-Sea. BN4 5DD, 01273 446677, www.chambersbistro.co.uk Have you eaten at Chambers Bistro yet? andrew@thelatest.co.uk

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016_LS467_DavRevJui_018_LS467_DavRevJui 18/03/2010 18:02 Page 2

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HEALTH & BEAUTY 17

Smooth talking Dare to bare with laser hair removal at Revitalise Laser Spa

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magine smooth, silky skin with no shadow, no stubble, no razor burns or cuts. Forget the hassle of shaving, plucking or waxing! Laser hair removal is now the method of choice for eliminating unwanted body and facial hair. Revitalise Laser Spa in Brighton and Hove use the best laser technology available to quickly, safely, and effectively remove unwanted hair.

No other hair removal technology even comes close to the Chromogenex EPL lasers at Revitalise. Laser treatments are quick, with little or no discomfort, and the results are absolutely amazing!

So how does it work? A laser focuses light energy at a specific wavelength into a narrow beam just a few millimetres in diameter. At the proper wavelength and energy, the laser light penetrates the skin, attacking the hair follicle without damaging the surrounding tissue. Hair that is in an active growth phase will be destroyed by the energy absorbed from the laser light.

Generally, five to eight treatments will be required for best results. Skin colour, hair colour and texture, and body area are among the many factors that determine how readily hair will be removed. Dark hair is easier to remove than blonde hair; grey hair without pigment at the follicle cannot be removed.

Laser hair removal can be used on large patches of skin on a variety of areas including the face (not around the eyes), arms, underarms, back, chest, bikini area, and legs. Other methods such as epilation and threading can only be used on certain areas. The process is fast and almost painless, whereas waxing and electrolysis can be painful. Shaving and waxing are also short-lived in comparison. With laser hair removal there is minimal upkeep.

The cost of laser hair removal varies depending on the area you would like to treat. Revitalise offers great packages from as little as ÂŁ50 per session. When you compare the cost of these sessions to continually buying products, this is a much more economically beneficial option.

Revitalise, 86 Church Road, Brighton and Hove.

For your free consultation at the spa call 01273 738389 or email health@revitalise-u.com www.revitalise-u.co.uk

Book now at Revitalise 86 Church Road, Hove BN3 2EB 01273 738389

019_LS467_Stage_017_LS466_Stage 19/03/2010 14:07 Page 1

> send your stage listings to stage@thelatest.co.uk

L7 WHAT’S ON

STAGE 19

> Tuesday 23 to Monday 29 March>

4

Free tickets!

Stage

Chichester Festival relaunches a scheme to attract the under 26s

School’s ‘out’ Andrew Kay looks forward to a revival of Alan Bennett’s The History Boys

Y

ou can rely on Alan Bennett to deliver on every level. His subtle command of the language and its intricacies, his unerring ability to deliver humour without ‘doing gags’, and his skill at getting across a message whilst never beating you about the head with it, have made him a theatrical national treasure.

In The History Boys, now getting its first revival since the National Theatre’s original production, Bennett looks at life in a fairly

ordinary secondary school where the bullying is taking place in the staff room as well as the classroom and the adults are dealing with as

Stagelistings > Tuesday 23 to Monday 5 April > THE BASEMENT, BRIGHTON 01273 699733 www.thebasement.uk.com Double Bill. Thick Description by Emma Bennett – a performance of surreal digressions and looping logic, and Ten Ways To Die On Stage by Edward Rapley – one man's life, full of hopes and failures, in bewildering detail. > 30 Mar, 7.30pm, £8 BRIGHTON DOME, CONCERT HALL 01273 700747 www.brightondome.org How The Koala Learnt to Hug Children’s play adapted from Steven Lee's new short story collection > 28 Mar, 11am & 4pm, £7 adults, £5 children

CRAWLEY: THE HAWTH 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Joseph And His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat Lloyd Webber musical stars Any Dream Will Do’s Craig Chalmers. > 29 Mar–3 April, times and prices vary, see website for details.

EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE, 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Journey’s End Icarus Theatre Collective and Original Theatre Company present this compelling play based on RC Sherriff's own experience in the trenches of WWI. > Until 27 Mar, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Wed & Sat, £13.50–£19.50

many emotional traumas as the adolescent boys.

The sixth-formers are trying to balance the tricky equation of sport and sex whilst dealing with entrance to Oxford and Cambridge. Is their tutor the common denominator?

Hector the teacher is gay, and is found to have made sexual advances to one of the pupils. But he is not the only gay in the ‘village’.

Set in a boy’s grammar school in what has almost become Bennett’s generic ‘North’, The History Boys offers lashings of Bennett’s usual wit and wisdom, clever word play and the inevitable tears.

The History Boys, Theatre Royal, Brighton, Monday 29 March to Saturday 3 April, 7.45pm, 08448 717650, www.theambassadors.com/ theatreroyal

NEW VENTURE THEATRE, BRIGHTON 01273 702563 www.newventure.org.uk Breaking The Code Hugh Whitemore’s story of Alan Turing: mathematician, ‘father’ of computer science and a gay man in an intolerant era. > 27 Mar–3 Apr, 7.45pm,Tue–Sat, 2.30pm matinee Sun, £8–£9 THEATRE ROYAL BRIGHTON 08448 717650 www.theambassadors.com One Man Lord Of The Rings Charles Ross hurtles through the Tolkien trilogy. > 24 Mar, 7.30pm, £13–£28 Traces Les 7 Doigts de la Main present their award-winning, high energy, display of urban acrobatics and street and contemporary dance. > 25–27 Mar, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Sat, £13–£28 The History Boys Alan Bennett’s play about Oxbridge-headed sixth formers. > 29 Mar–3 Apr, 7.45pm, 2.30pm

Oh to be young again! Chichester Festival Theatre has relaunched a scheme to offer free tickets to young people aged under 26 as part of a national initiative.

Free tickets are now on offer for all plays on the Festival Theatre stage during Chichester’s 2010 season, as part of Arts Council England’s ‘A Night Less Ordinary’ scheme (in association with Metro). The scheme has pledged to give away 618,000 tickets to under 26s in more than 200 venues across the country.

The productions in the Festival Theatre during the 2010 season are: Yes, Prime Minister (13 May – 5 June) 42nd Street (21 June – 28 August) Pygmalion (9 July – 27 August) ENRON (10 – 18 September) A Month in the Country (24 September – 16 October) Due to the popularity of this programme, tickets are already limited for some performances, so any young people who would like to book are advised to contact the box office as soon as possible.

Additional free tickets are likely to be released during the next few weeks. To receive regular updates on the under 26 scheme, join CFT's free email list and tick the U26 box to be kept up to date with the latest news and any other special offers available.

For more information about the free tickets scheme, visit www.cft.org.uk/u26, call 01243 781312 or email u26@cft.org.uk

matinee Thu & Sat, £13–£28 The Pirates Of Penzance Paul Nicholas stars in Gilbert & Sullivan’s comic opera. > 6-10 April, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Thu & Sat, £13–£28 UPSTAIRS AT THREE AND TEN, BRIGHTON 07800 983 290 www.otherplaceproductions.co.uk Katy And Rach Make Stuff Up Double Sponteneous, improvised theatre. > 31 Mar, 8pm, £7 WORTHING: CONNAUGHT THEATRE, 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Prescription: Murder Legendary Lieutenant Columbo in his first ever case. Stars Dirk Benedict > 23–27 Mar, 7.30pm, 2pm mat Wed & 2.30pm Sat, £13–£22

020_LS467_music-clublistings_022_LS467_music/clublistings 18/03/2010 17:49 Page 2

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MUSIC & CLUB LISTINGS

Clublistings

Musiclistings

> Tuesday 23 March to Monday 29 March > > send your club listings to clubs@thelatest.co.uk

> Tuesday 23 to Monday 29 March > > send your music listings to music@thelatest.co.uk

>highlight

CONCORDE 2 Soul and Motown Night. The Jam after-bash dolling out Northern soul anthems, soul and Motown favourites and mod classics.

11pm–3am, £5/free DIGITAL Stonelove. 11pm–3am, £4 HONEY CLUB Blatant. Pushing harder sounds is Techno’s brainchild, James Harcourt.

11pm, £8/7 JAM Don’t Stop Believing. Pop and indie guilty pleasures. 11pm–3am, free KOMEDIA Around The World – Playgroup Festival Launch Party! See highlight. 8.30pm, £12 LIFE Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box. Fidget, bass and firing electro. 11pm–3am, £6/4 THE LOFT Malicious. Alternative sleaze and cheese with Pete Von Sleaze! 10pm, £5/free VOLKS Erisian. Celebrating four years of cuttingedge mash up with blistering sonic chaos from two of Belgium’s sickest live acts/producers!

11pm, £5

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AROUND THE WORLD – PLAYGROUP FESTIVAL Welcome aboard Playgroup airways on its maiden voyage to far flung and exotic destinations! This time the infamous debauchery of the festival-in-aclub bunch has gone global with this eighthour, long haul bash. From gypsy melodies to African drums, shake off the DVT to the legendary breakbeat, ska and hip-hop lot, The Dub Pistols; jump'n'Jive to Fat 45 and get mile high to Zimbabwean Afro roots beats, or clear the aisles for live D'n'B played on a bike! All baggage weight limits will be far exceeded as they cram on dry ice, live fire shows, stilt walking and games!

You'd better take the brace position...

Friday 26 March, Komedia

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SATURDAY 27 AUDIO Summer Of Love. House, electro and techno. 11pm–4am, free BRIGHTON COALITION Wired Is One. The most outlandish party yet! Huge visual set-up, robots, CO2 cannons and earfuls of tech-house with Vincent Manganaro. 11pm, £10 CASABLANCA Funky Fiesta. Jumpin’ live Latino, classic tunes and new skool funk. 10pm, £7 CONCORDE 2 Devotion Payback. A tear out of epic proportions with hard hitters Taxman and Hazard.

11pm–4am, £5 DIGITAL Playroom. Sticking two to maturity with Funky House and Dirty Electro Grooves.

11pm–4am, £15/12 HONEY CLUB Sevensins. Electro, trance and house with guests. 10.30pm–5am, £10/8 JAM The Recommender. 9pm–9am, £tbc KOMEDIA DDRR Girls in Garage Special. Fuzzed up, amps-set-to-11, blistering snotty-nosed punk crunch from guitar-mangling gals with attitood!

11pm, £6/5 LIFE Hold Up. Indie night. 11pm–4am, £5 VOLKS Wrong Music. 10pm, £tbc

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TUESDAY 23 AUDIO New Slang. Tight-trousered indie disco.

11pm–3am, £3/2 HONEY CLUB Indie Rocks. 11pm–3am, £2/1 JAM Pot Kettle Black. Spanking new indie bash playing retro to now. 10pm–2am, £2/1 LIFE The Vice Social. Dirty mash-ups and filthy beats. 10pm–2.30am, free b4 11, £3/2 after PAVILION TAVERN Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock and metal. 10.30pm–3am, free/£3

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WEDNESDAY 24 AUDIO Supercharged. dBridge and Instra:Mental will be throwing out Detroit techno and experimental electronica influenced beats.

11pm–2.30am, £6/4 BRIGHTON COALITION Remedy. A midweek innoculation of chart, pop, R'n'B, dance, indie, electro and rock! 10.30pm, £3/free DIGITAL The Poundance. 11pm–3am, £1 LIFE Broke. Wonky glitch-hop, cutting edge dubstep, jungle, breaks and splatterings of liquid D’n’B. 10.30pm–2.30am, £4/1

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THURSDAY 25 BRIGHTON COALITION Secret Discotheque.

10.30pm–3.30am, £3/2 CASABLANCA Thursdays@Casas. Local up-andcoming Bands plus fresh'n'funky DJ selections.

10pm, £2/free JAM Thursday Night Fish Fry. ‘50s R’n’B and original Jamaican ska. 10pm, £3

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FRIDAY 26 BRIGHTON COALITION Battlejam. Genre erasing, maverick turntablism and live D'n'B like you've never experienced from JFB. 11pm–4am, £8/5 CASABLANCA Mirrorball. Consider this your lesson in urban cool! 10pm–3am, £5

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SUNDAY 28 BRIGHTON COALITION Frequency. Delivering a range of house/breaks/electro. 10pm, free HONEY CLUB Spectrum. Electro and classic house for connoisseurs. 10.30pm, £2/1

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MONDAY 29 AUDIO Glue. Sticking hip-hop to dancehall.

11pm–3am, £3/2 BRIGHTON COALITION Trash Mondays.

10.30pm–3am, £3/free LIFE AKA AKA ROAR. Sounds from the full dub-step spectrum, past and future.

10pm–2.30am, £2 b4 12 Jaime Pettit

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Book yours now at Latest Musicbar.

Every Saturday in April now booked but dates in May onwards available.

TUESDAY 23

FRIDAY 26

Emergenza Festival: Hilda May + Cleansing The Industry + Kid Korandi + Carmen Pascucci + Marebito + Gordon's Alive! + Watermelon + Pictureframes The unsigned bands competition reaches the semi-final stages.

Komedia, 8pm, £12/8 Rothko + Mike Wilton + The Stash Tins Experimental brass trio named after the minimalist artist.

Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc The Kabeedies Wonky indie pop from Norwich.

Freebutt, 7.30pm, £7

Brighton Jazz Club Weekly gathering for jazz musos and fans alike.

Komedia, 8.30pm, £12 Caramel Jack Bloody good vaudevillian-style pop-rock. And it’s free, so no excuse not to go.

The Ranelagh, 8.30pm, free Cimarron Traditional music from Colombia's Orinoco Plains.

Brighton Dome, 8pm, £12.50 From The Jam Bruce Foxton from the original Jam touring with old associate Russell Hastings.

Price includes entry to scooter/soul night straight after the gig.

Concorde 2, 7pm, £20 Imperial Leisure + King Porter Stomp + The Meow Meows Line-up of Brighton-based ska acts, including the female-fronted Meow Meows.

Engine Rooms, 7pm, £7 Mama’s Gun Soul funk act who have supported the likes of De La Soul.

Latest Musicbar, 10pm, £6 This Is Elvis Elvis tribute featuring acclaimed impersonator Jim Devereaux.

Latest Musicbar, 8pm, £6

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WEDNESDAY 24 Dani Blue + Jia + Frankie Young + Keith Baxter + Peter Greatorex + Alexi Christopoulos Local singersongwriter Dani Blue brings along some of her musical associates.

Latest Musicbar, 7.30pm, £5 Emergenza Festival: Betty H Lawrence + Violet Society + Gunshot Straight + Yourgardenday + Skurvi + Red Shark In Vegas + Nocturno + Jamangeladave Semi-finals of the unsigned bands competition.

Komedia, 7pm, £12/8 Last Days Of Lorca + UpCDownC Featuring videogame fans Kent post-rockers UpCDownC. Freebutt, 7.30pm, £tbc Peggy Sue Female Brightonian duo playing their modern take on doo-wop and the blues.

Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc

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THURSDAY 25 Angie Palmer A blend of country, blues and folk.

Hanbury Club, 8pm, £tbc Gorillaz Rare chance to see Gorillaz rehearse their live show planned for US festival, Coachella, next month. Minus visual productions but packed with their hits. For G-Club (official fan club) members only. Join the G-Club at www.gorillaz.com/g-club The Old Market, time tbc, £17.50 Islands Montreal band with exmembers of The Unicorns, making psychedelic pop, scattered with lo-fi, rap, hip-hop and rock.

Freebutt, 7.30pm, £tbc Kabaret Bisexuelle: Nikki Mitchell + Katja Von Kassel + Katrina + more Bisexual-friendly celebration of ‘80s cabaret featuring live music, comedy and burlesque.

Latest Musicbar, 8pm, £tbc Pop Up Jazz Richard Michael and a host of musicians present this workshop teaching jazz to Year 8 kids.

Brighton Dome, 10.30am and 1.30pm, £3 per pupil or accompanying adult Shauna Parker And The Saloon Bar Band Brighton singer-songwriter and country band.

The Ranelagh, 8pm, £tbc

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To advertise here costs only £20 Call Advertising now!

01273 818150

Call Ruth or Angi 01273 687171

> > > > > > >

SATURDAY 27 Chris T-T + Tom Williams And The Boat Under-rated Brighton-based folk singer-songwriter with quality tunes and political credibility.

Freebutt, 7.30pm, £6 The Automatic Welsh emo pop-rockers still touring after the initial hype died down.

Audio, 7.30pm, £9 Thee Silver Mount Zion Memorial Orchestra Canadian post-rockers featuring members of Godspeed You Black Emperor.

St George’s Church, 8pm, £16/14 Turin Brakes Acoustic duo and one-time Mercury nominees.

Concorde 2, 6pm, £16.50

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SUNDAY 28 Nachtmystium + Psyche Project Solid black metal if that's your sort of thing.

Engine Rooms, 7pm, £8 The School + Foxes! Indie popsters supported by local rockers.

Prince Albert, 8pm, £5 Tunng + Erland and the Carnival Acclaimed, great anti-folk types.

Concorde 2, 8pm, £12.50

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MONDAY 29 Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip Eccentric Essex spoken-word rap/electro hybrid.

Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £12.50 Sounds Of The City Showcase of young Brightonian musical talent.

Brighton Dome, 8pm, £4.75/3.75

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Nick Aldwinckle Gorillaz

021_LS467 musichighlights_news_019_LS466 musichighlights_news 18/03/2010 15:23 Page 1

> send your music listings to music@thelatest.co.uk Musichighlights

Music

> Tuesday 23 to Monday 29 March >

PEGGY SUE Low-key gig for lo-fi wordsmiths Rosa and Katy, who have quickly developed a loyal and somewhat fanatical fanbase since their DIY beginnings here in Brighton a few years ago.

Now London based, they’ve advanced their early teen angst material into something altogether more mature, sophisticated and engaging. They are just about to release their debut album, Fossils And Other Phantoms.

Wednesday 24 March, Prince Albert

MUSIC 21

With Jeff Hemmings

MAMA’S GUN Fresh from high profile support tours with the likes of Beverly Knight, Craig David and De La Soul, this London-based soul funk band will be headlining at the Latest Musicbar as part of a short UK tour. However, it’s in Japan that they have become rather big; the second most playlisted act apparently! Debut album Routes To Riches is a classy funk work-out.

Friday 26 March, Latest Musicbar

THEE SILVER MOUNT ZION Popular yet vaguely preposterous noise merchants, in effect a side project for Godspeed You! Black Emperor. These French Canadians take the spirit of avant-garde punkists Sonic Youth and blend it with a touch of prog rock, whilst looking like your archetypal art students.

Utter drivel or immensely enlightening, depending upon Oh God! Who Knows What....

Saturday 27 March, St Georges Church

TUNNG Haunting and somewhat sinister twisted-folkies who captured the imagination with their fresh and fertile debut album, Mother’s Daughter And Other Songs. Their fourth album ... And Then We Saw Land is a more joyous affair, packed with big choruses and uplifting tunes. An adventurous band, continuing to push forward in search of new sounds and atmospherics.

Sunday 28 March, Concorde 2

EVER THE OPTIMISTS

Writing a song for Take That enabled Turin Brakes to make a new album, as Olly Knights explains

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ack in 1999, an acoustic duo emerged from South London, released their debut EP on the tiny Brighton-based Anvil label, played a badly attended debut gig at the Freebutt, and looked out of place within the post Brit-pop landscape.

But the so-called New Acoustic Movement was gathering pace and, like all great happy accidents, Turin Brakes quickly established themselves at the forefront of the scene along with acts such as Starsailor, Kings Of Convenience and Elbow. They then released the critically acclaimed The Optimist LP in 2001, followed by their most successful album, Ether, in 2003, which spawned the top five hit ‘Painkiller’. But subsequent albums JackInABox and Dark On Fire failed to capitalize as the band tried out different musical styles and their record company tried too hard to turn them into a stadium act.

“It feels completely different this time,” says Olly Knights who, along with childhood friend Gale Paridjanian, makes up the core of the band. “I feel like how I felt when we put out The Optimist. We’ve built ourselves back from nowhere a couple of years ago. We’ve managed to get it back together again... I don’t know how we did it!”

Actually, he does partly... Olly wrote 'Here' for Take That’s The Circus LP, which helped them pay for the recording sessions for Outbursts. “We took that money that we made off that one song and reinvested it in our studio and this album!”

While the band’s fortunes have declined in recent years, they’ve still maintained a strong and

loyal fanbase built from their early successes. “We aren’t under any illusions, but there is a ground level buzz which we haven’t felt for ages.”

Going back to their roots could be the key. After The Optimist, the band eschewed their acoustic, harmony-drenched sound by expanding and venturing into rock and funk territories, perhaps areas they never really felt at home with. And by going back to basics with Outbursts, they have also ended up with their best work since that seminal debut.

“We try and do everything between us,” says Olly, “going for a certain feel and sound. Even though we could get experts in, we try and keep it within the duo as much as possible.”

With two young children, Olly has the chance to test his material out on his younger fans. “My five year-old would rather listen to Lady Gaga, but my three year-old gets me to sing all the songs, again and again! You know you’ve got a good hook when they remember it.”

So, does that mean things are a little bit more subdued on tour these days? “Usually, I just roam around the bus in my slippers playing games,” he says. “But Brighton is our end-of-tour gig and we’re going to have a little after-show do. We get to go mad then...”

Turin Brakes, 27 March, Concorde 2

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022_LS467 Art-Events _020_LS466 Art/Events 18/03/2010 17:47 Page 2

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Eventspreview

Arthighlights

> Tuesday 23 March to Monday 29 March > > send your events listings to events@thelatest.co.uk

> Tuesday 23 to Monday 29 March > > send your art listings to art@thelatest.co.uk

SCRATCH!

Ken Russell

A great opportunity to see new work form before your very eyes. Continuing the venue’s support for early career artists and the promotion of new work, The Basement’s Scratch! is a monthly work-in-progress event.

Artists present their work, and the audience contribute their thoughts and critical insight to the creation process. Three to four excerpts from brand new performances are followed by a post-show discussion with the artists.

Being part of the audience is completely free and it’s a rare opportunity to engage with the formation of some of The Basement’s supported artists.

If you are interested in presenting work at Scratch! please email greg@thebasement.uk.com.

Scratch!, The Basement, Thursday 25 March, 7.30pm, free, 01273 699733, www.thebasement.uk.com

The maverick British filmmaker (Women In Love, Altered States) was – after a short stint as a ballet dancer! – a freelance photographer, submitting work to the Pictorial Press agency back in the ’50s. His cinematic eye, and some of his more surreal and abstract sensibilities, can be seen in the single frame mini-dramas on display here.

Ken Russell: Photographer/Filmmaker, Lucy Bell Fine Art Gallery, 46 Norman Road, St. Leonardson-Sea, 01424 434828. Until 30 April

The Near Far Pool Worthing Museum and Art Gallery collaborate with Creative Future, a charity working with marginalised artists and writers in Sussex, set up to facilitate and promote artistic development amongst talented individuals who are excluded for reasons often beyond their control.

The Near Far Pool, Worthing Museum and Art Gallery, Chapel Road, 01903 204229.

27 March–26 June

Boxbird

Graham Carter: Red Lanterns

Hove’s Boxbird Gallery and Studios has firmly established itself as a hub of creative talent, particularly in the fields of printing and illustration. If you haven’t been down there already, now’s the time to view and bag yourself great works of art. Graham Carter and Matt Sewell are just two of the many artists whose work is displayed and for sale in the gallery.

Boxbird, St John’s Road, 01273 734295.

Events highlights TUESDAY 23

THURSDAY 25

Future Shorts Presents... A hand-picked selection of cutting-edge short films from around the world, including a new music film from Massive Attack. The partnership between Bristol’s legendary collective and Future Shorts provides a platform for a series of shorts commissioned by the band, to be released alongside their new Heligoland LP. Latest Musicbar, Brighton, 7.30pm, £5

John Hegley: The Adventures of Monsieur Robinet The title refers to a Frenchman with some unusual (but clean) habits. Stories appear alongside other new works including an address to aliens on the subject of transport and a poem about a non-talking parrot. (See also Comedy) Komedia, Brighton, 8.30pm, £8–£23.50

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WEDNESDAY 24 John Simpson One of the greatest reporters of his day, John Simpson reads extracts from and discusses his new book Unreliable Sources: How the Twentieth Century Was Reported.

The Old Market, 6.30pm, £6

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SATURDAY 27 Red Jelly creative play for children Unleash your child’s creativity at the latest craze to hit Brighton and Hove, where under sixes can play with art and make a mess. Booking essential.

Red Jelly, Children's Centre, West Hove Infant School, 01273 93 0013, 10am & 11.15am, £5 www.redjellykids.co.uk

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tues march 23 futureshorts:opposites attract a collection of short films from around the world + kin; aesthetic events 19.30pm £5

wed march 24 dani blue local singer/songwriter+support 8pm £3

thurs march 25 downstairs: kabaret bisexual a cabaret night packed with live song, comedy & poetry + competitions & prizes 8pm-12midnight £tbc

manchester street, brighton tel.

Ian Pyper

Here And Now Part II Drawing together work from second year students from the fields of performance and visual art, photography and moving image, Here And Now Part II includes performance installation, live performance, photography, moving image, interactive sculptures and much more.

Here And Now Part II, University of Brighton Gallery, Grand Parade, 01273 643010. Until 26 March

upstairs: Aid for international HIV/AIDs alliance proceeds will go to aids alliance staff affected by the earthquake in haiti 7pm £7

sat march 27 private party to book your private party, wedding or anniversary contact ruth or megan on 01273 687171 or email: bookings@thelatest.co.uk

sun march 28

fri march 26 this is elvis a retro night of rock, gospel, soul & ballad classics featured throughout the career of the king himself doors: 7pm show: 8pm £tbc later on...

Closed

mon march 29 Closed

mamas gun the uk's premier funk band 10pm £6

01273 687171

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar

023_LS467_film_021_LS466_film 19/03/2010 11:55 Page 1

Supported by

L7 INTERVIEW | FILM

Rebel rebel

Without wanting to give anything away, the film had to be shot in New York. How did you feel about getting the accent right?

I think it just came out of the script. I pretty much decided on the voice the first time I read the script – sometimes you’re lucky like that. I wasn’t even conscious of it, I’ve spent a bit of time in New York now and picked it up fairly easily.

Twilight star Robert Pattinson has ditched the fangs but kept the angst to play a disillusioned young New Yorker in Remember Me. Words: Glen Ferris

I

f ever there’s a man who needs no introduction, it’s Robert Pattinson. The Twilight icon is one of the most recognizable actors on the planet, and his ardent followers show no signs of shushing their screaming as he takes a break from vampires and stars as a disillusioned, Holden Caulfield-style youth opposite Emilie de Ravin in Allen Coulter’s new film, Remember Me. We spoke to the star about getting the movie made, putting on a New York accent, and his propensity for playing brooding characters.

You’ve taken an executive producer credit for this movie – why did you want to get involved?

I’d read tons and tons of scripts over the summer after I did the first Twilight, and everything seemed exactly the same, but this one was much more naturalistic. It seems that most movies which have a young male protagonist as lead either have to be a virgin to begin with and learn everything through the movie or they go through the trials of learning to be themselves, but Tyler starts off as a fully developed character and ends up developing in a slightly different way without having to go through a rites of passage. You never see that in movies, especially about young people.

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“I guess I like to play broken and troubled people” how well it might do at the box office. Obviously, it’s not like a Twilight movie and it doesn’t fit into any genre; it’s certainly not a feel-good movie. They don’t make movies like this any more, and I really felt there was a gap in the market for a film like this.

Pierce Brosnan plays your dad in the film; how was it working with him?

When we first talked about the character, I never thought it would be anyone like Pierce who would play Charles. I think he has a sort of innate likeability that makes him very charismatic.

Charles on the page is a very domineering and negative character but Pierce, just because he’s Pierce, is able to make him a lot more charming.

How important to you is a positive reaction from your fans?

I always thought the most important thing you can do with difficult-to-market films like this is to get an audience for it. I think having something like Twilight in the equation helps to draw people in. If they come to see Remember Me because of the films I’ve done before, that can only be a good thing – hopefully! But I think if you try to please the audience the whole time, you’re heading in the wrong direction, especially if you’re trying to please huge swathes of people.

Tyler, like Twilight’s Edward, is a brooding type of guy – what attracts you to this kind of role?

I did do some lighter stuff before Twilight came out, but it just so happens that I’ve been interested in that kind of person. But I never thought Tyler was that brooding. I don’t know, I guess I like to play broken and troubled people because I’m not particularly broken or troubled myself.

Remember Me is in local cinemas from Friday 26 March.

When did you realize you were powerful enough to get an independent movie like this off the ground?

Did you feel any pressure for it to be a success?

I never felt any pressure, I never even thought about

SHOWING THIS WEEK 01273 626261

0871 224 4007

0871 200 2000

01903 206206

cineworld.co.uk

picturehouses.co.uk

odeon.co.uk

worthingtheatres.co.uk

TUESDAY 23

TUESDAY 23

TUESDAY 23

TUESDAY 23

44 Inch Cest (18) 9.30 Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 1.15, 2.30, 4.00, 5.10, 6.45, 8.00 The Bounty Hunter (12A) 12.30, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 2.15, 5.30, 8.45 Green Zone (15) 12.45, 3.30, 9.00 I Love You Phillip Morris (15) 12.40, 3.00, 5.45, 8.15 Shutter Island (15) 2.00, 5.20, 8.30 A Single Man (12A) 12.20, 2.45, 5.45, 8.15

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 3.30, 9.00 It’s Complicated (15) 11.00am Crazy Heart (15) 1.30 The Father Of My Children (12A) 6.30

Alice In Wonderland (PG) 5.00 The Last Station (15) 2.15 The Lovely Bones (12A) 8.00

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 3.30, 9.00 It’s Complicated (15) 11.00am Crazy Heart (15) 6.30 The Father Of My Children (12A) 1.30

Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 12.20, 1.20, 3.00, 4.00, 5.40, 6.40, 8.15, 9.15 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 2.50, 5.20 Avatar 3D (12A) 1.00, 4.30, 8.00 The Bounty Hunter (12A) 12.50, 3.30, 6.10, 8.45 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 11.40, 7.45 Green Zone (15) 1.10, 3.45, 9.00 I Love You Phillip Morris (15) 11.50, 2.10, 4.40, 7.10, 9.30 Shutter Island (15) 2.30, 5.30, 8.30

THURSDAY 25

WEDNESDAY 24

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 3.30, 9.00 Crazy Heart (15) 1.00 The Father Of My Children (12A) 6.30

Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 12.20, 1.20, 3.00, 4.00, 5.40, 6.40, 8.15, 9.15 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 2.50, 5.20 Avatar 3D (12A) 1.00, 4.30, 8.00 The Bounty Hunter (12A) 12.50, 3.30, 6.10, 8.45 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 11.40, 7.45 Green Zone (15) 1.10, 3.45, 6.20, 9.00 I Love You Phillip Morris (15) 11.50, 2.10, 4.40, 7.10, 9.30 Shutter Island (15) 2.30, 5.30, 8.30

WEDNESDAY 24 Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 1.15, 2.30, 4.00, 5.10, 6.45, 8.00 Avatar 3D (12A) 9.30 The Bounty Hunter (12A) 12.30, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 2.15, 5.30, 8.45 Green Zone (15) 12.45, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 I Love You Phillip Morris (15) 12.40, 3.00, 5.45, 8.15 Shutter Island (15) 2.00, 5.20, 8.30 A Single Man (12A) 12.20, 2.45, 5.45, 8.15

THURSDAY 25 Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 1.15, 2.30, 4.00, 5.10, 6.45, 8.00 Avatar 3D (12A) 9.30 The Bounty Hunter (12A) 10.45, 12.45, 3.15, 6.00, 8.45 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 2.15, 5.30, 8.45 Green Zone (15) 12.45, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 I Love You Phillip Morris (15) 12.40, 3.00, 5.45, 8.15 It’s Complicated (15) 10.30am Shutter Island (15) 2.00, 5.20, 8.30 A Single Man (12A) 12.20, 2.45, 5.45, 8.15

WEDNESDAY 24

FRIDAY 26 Kick-Ass (15) 9.00 The Wolfman (15) 11.30pm

SATURDAY 27 Kick-Ass (15) 9.30 Planet 51 (U) 11.00 (Kids’ Club) Hamlet 5.00

SUNDAY 28 Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (PG) 11.00, 12.30 Kick-Ass (15) 9.00

MONDAY 29 It’s Only A Movie Tour 7.30

THURSDAY 25 Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 12.20, 1.20, 3.00, 4.00, 5.40, 6.40, 8.15, 9.15 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 2.50, 5.20 Avatar 3D (12A) 1.00, 4.30 The Bounty Hunter (12A) 12.50, 3.30, 6.10, 8.45 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 11.40, 7.45 Green Zone (15) 1.10, 3.45, 6.20, 9.00 I Love You Phillip Morris (15) 11.50, 2.10, 4.40, 7.10, 9.30 Monty Python: Not The Messiah (PG) 8.30 Shutter Island (15) 2.30, 5.30, 8.30

Films showing Friday 26–Monday 29

Films showing Friday 26–Monday 29

Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times

Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times

WEDNESDAY 24 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 2.15 The Last Station (15) 2.15 The Lovely Bones (12A) 8.00

THURSDAY 25 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 2.15 The Last Station (15) 5.00 The Lovely Bones (12A) 8.00

FRIDAY 26 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 2.30 Shutter Island (15) 8.00 A Single Man (12A) 5.00

SATURDAY 27 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 2.00 Ice Age 3: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs (U) 10.15am Shutter Island (15) 8.00 A Single Man (12A) 5.00

SUNDAY 28 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 2.15 How To Train Your Dragon (PG) 2.00 Shutter Island (15) 1.30, 4.30, 7.30 A Single Man (12A) 5.00, 8.00

MONDAY 29 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 5.00 The Imaginarium Of Dr Parnassus (12A) 2.00 Shutter Island (15) 7.30 A Single Man (12A) 2.30, 8.00

024_LS467_comedy-gay_026_LS467_comedy/gay 18/03/2010 16:47 Page 2

24

COMEDY |GAY LISTINGS

Comedypreview

Gaylistings

> Tuesday 23 March to Monday 29 March >

> Tuesday 23 March to Monday 29 March > > send your music listings to gay@thelatest.co.uk

> send your club listings to comedy@thelatest.co.uk

RED BRICK COMEDY

W

eekend comedy has always been popular. It’s a time to truly kick your shoes off and settle in for an evening of entertainment. Not that the rest of the week isn’t fun, but once the weekend starts there are no schoolnight worries to stop you from throwing your head back and laughing ‘til it hurts. And you can stay up late doing it too!

Red Brick Comedy launched during one of the Brighton Fringe Festivals and was such a success that the venue decided to make it a semi-regular occurrence. The format

sees a line-up of comics from the national comedy circuit, with a top notch headliner rounding off the night in style.

Topping the bill this Saturday is star of stand-up, stage and small screen, Ninia Benjamin. Some may recognise her from BBC3’s awardwinning hidden camera and sketch show, 3 Non-Blondes; some from her high-flying circus skills in Sky One’s celebrity reality show, Cirque Du Celebrity; and others from her snipping tips on the Beeb’s Celebrity Scissorhands.

But if you’re a comedy fan, you’ll definitely want to check out her solo stand-up – she’s been at this making-folks-laugh-malarkey for over a decade.

Elsewhere on the bill you’ll find a right royal line-up of laughter from the rest of the stand-ups, at a remarkably low price for a Saturday night out.

In this intimate venue there’s a real eye for the big and small names mingling together; it’s a chance to see the stars of today and tomorrow’s hopefuls. With an alumni like Daniel Kitson, Josie Long and Angelos Epithemiou, there’s a sharp eye for talent in this little theatre.

Saturday, 27 March, 10pm, Upstairs At Three And Ten, £10/7.50 follow me on twitter

latestvicky

Comedy listings TUESDAY 23 Joey Page presents: This Is Not A Circus A unique, surreal and sometimes downright bonkers glimpse into his comedy world.

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 8pm, £5

>

Pappy's Fun Club: 200 Sketches in an Hour Fresh from a sell out run at the Edinburgh Festival, this funny sketch troupe return to take the record books by storm.

The Hawth, 8.15pm, £13/11

>

WEDNESDAY 24 Funnier Farm Headliner Jim Smallman is joined by MC Ged Butcher, as well as comics Patch Hyde, Adam Tempest, Hatty Ashdown, Oliver Minkley and Alex Petrovic.

Caroline of Brunswick, 8pm, £5

>

Richard Herring: Hitler Moustache Reclaiming Chaplin's moustache for comedy, Herring muses on iconography, amongst other things.

Komedia, 8pm, £12.50

>

THURSDAY 25 Comic Boom Former L7 columnist Seann Walsh comperes a quality show featuring a top headlining act plus rising stars.

Komedia, 8pm, £8.50/6.50.

>

John Hegley: The Adventures Of Monsieur Robinet John's signature tales this time refer to a Frenchman with some unusual habits.

Komedia, 8.30pm, £12/8

>

Popcorn Comedy A live night featuring the country's best comedians as they showcase their own short comedy films.

Komedia, 8pm, £tbc

>

FRIDAY 26 Krater Comedy Club Award-winning comedy.

Featuring Geoff Norcott, Terry Alderton, Ninia Benjamin (Fri & Sat), Ryan McDonnell (Sun) and Stephen Nelson (Sun). MC Stephen Grant.

Komedia, 7.30pm, £14.50/10

>

Rabbit In The Headlights A hand-picked assembly of new and rising stand-ups in this popular newact night. Hosted by the lovely Laura Mugridge.

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 8pm, £6/5

>

SATURDAY 27 Krater Comedy Club See Friday.

Komedia, 7pm, £17.50 & 10.30, £15

>

Laughing Horse Comedy Stand-up comedy from Joe-K, Hils Barker, Kevin Hampson, Snorri Hergill Kristjansson and Toby French.

The Quadrant, 8.30pm, £6/5

>

Off The Cuff This top group of improvisers bring you a show of exciting and plain fun comedy.

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 8pm, £7/5

>

Red Brick Comedy Club See highlights.

> Upstairs At Three And Ten, 10pm, £10/7.50 SUNDAY 28 Krater Comedy Club See Friday.

Komedia, 8pm, £11/£6

>

The Maydays Top of the range improv from the award-winning group looking at the news.

Komedia, 8pm, £8/6

>

Winging It Sunday afternoon comedy.

Prince Albert, 2pm, free

>

Victoria Nangle

TUESDAY 23 LEGENDS Wine On Tuesdays. Soak up work blues with BOGOHP on vino! > 11pm–5am, free MARLBOROUGH Bingo’s Not A Dirty Word. With Kath. Winner takes the pot, job done! > 8pm, £1 QUEEN’S ARMS Skint. Unlimited drinks for £10! Plus DJ and karaoke. > 12pm–3am, free R BAR Twisted Karaoke. > 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Sound As A Pound. Eclectic selections from electro, pop, dance and cheese. Plus a hefty raffle prize! > 10.30pm, £1 THE BASEMENT Scene Queen. DJ Li’l Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! > 11pm–4am, free WEDNESDAY 24 AMSTERDAM Total Request Karaoke. Pick a song to belt out, vid to watch or tune for your audio pleasure! > 8pm, free LEGENDS Gabbi’s Games. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm. > 11am–5am, free MARLBOROUGH Open Mic Night. > 8.30pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS The All New Q Factor. See highlight. > 9pm, free R-BAR Midweek Mash Up. DJ Beast playing her finest mash ups from electro pop to darker shades of electric vibes! > 12pm–2am REVENGE Death To Disco. New midweek bash to meet your indie electro pop and alternative beats needs. > 10.30pm, £2 THE BASEMENT Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Dirty handbag and house tunes. > 11pm–4am, free

THURSDAY 25 CHARLES STREET BAR Mad Cow XL: My Cow Is On Fire. > 8pm–3am, £1 (goes to charity) CHARLES STREET CLUB Get Some. A deck loaded with the scene’s hottest 3some; this night is set to cause more than just smoke! > 10pm, £1 LEGENDS Coreaoke with Tammy Twinkle. > 11am–5am, free QUEEN’S ARMS Skint. See Tues. > 12pm–12am, free R-BAR Pre-Girls on Top Party. Dulcie Danger sets the mood from 9.30pm. > 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Emergency Room. If pop isn't your remedy maybe Emergency Room is your cure! > 10.30pm, £4/free THE BASEMENT DLite. Regular guest DJs lay down commercial house tracks. > 11pm–4am, free

>highlight THE ALL NEW Q FACTOR Forget The X Factor, the Q comes first, spotting talent and future heroes on our home turf. Plenty auditioned, with solos, duos and groups, banging strumming and singing in a quest to find the 12 finalists. Now the heat is on, no emotion will be spared as they battle through the weeks in a bid to win the breathtaking grand prize: £1000, studio time to record their own CD, a photo shoot and a paid booking! Join the nail-biting contest, campaign for your favourite and enjoy the platter of talent. 12 finalists, four mentors/judges, and one winner – but who?

Wednesday 24 March, Queen’s Arms

CHARLES STREET BAR Fierce. Tantalising cocktails, reasonable prices and the best funky house and commercial tunes! > 9pm–3am, free LEGENDS Pre-Ignition. Ignition DJ sounds from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. > 7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR AND THEATRE Cherry Pop. Cheesy upbeat classics! > 8pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS The QA Oscars & Cabaret: Kevin Cruise. > 12pm–12am, free R-BAR Kinky Classics. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous. > Bar open 12pm–7am, free REVENGE Kinky Dangerous. 4 top DJs, 2 floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 6.5 hours of frolics. > 10.30pm, £7/3 THE BASEMENT Ignition. With the funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle. > 11pm–4am, free THE PV AT THE JURY’S OUT Viva La Divas + Booty Call. Live music with the fab Joss at 6pm. Then DJ Soap spins some dancefloor rollers from 8.30pm. > 12pm, free THE ZONE Presents... Sally Vate. > 9.30pm, free

SUNDAY 28 FRIDAY 26 BULLDOG DJ Marcia + Guy’s Karaoke. Spinning a non-stop club mix to kick the 63hr weekend into gear! > 10pm–2am, free CHARLES STREET BAR Candyfloss. > 11am, free CHARLES STREET CLUB Curiosity Lite.

Trashy disco pop. > 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 DOCTOR BRIGHTONS Flauncy Friday.

Dance and house. > 9.30pm–2am, free HEIST Brighter Days. Upfront and deep, soulful, funky and jackin’ house! > 9pm–2am, free LEGENDS Pre-Celebration. Pure pop. > 7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Q&A. Indie, electro, soul, punk, and the classics. > 5pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Camp Attack + Karaoke.

Definitive handbag tunes . > 9pm, free R-BAR Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. > 12pm–7am, free REVENGE Lollipop. Join Alex Baker and Stewart T for a night of chart remixes, dance anthems and commercial house. > 10.30pm–5am, £5/free THE BASEMENT Celebration with Dolly Rocket.

Girly pop and handbag tracks. > 11pm–4am, free

SATURDAY 27 AMSTERDAM A-List. Boutique clubbing with some fabulous soulful house sessions. > 9pm, free

AMSTERDAM Sunday Lunch + Connie's Karaoke. > 12pm–1am, free CHARLES STREET BAR Showtime. The legend of the drag scene, Lizzie Drip. > 7pm, free LEGENDS Sunday cabaret with Lola Lasagne. > 3.15pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Acoustic Jam. > 6pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Kitty Litter + Betty’s Karaoke. > 12pm, free R-BAR Sublime Sundays + Barmy Bingo.

Relaxing acoustic sessions at 5pm followed by Miss Jason’s barmy Bingo! > 12pm–2am, free THE BASEMENT Fever. Disco and pop remixes. > 11pm–4am, free

MONDAY 29 CHARLES STREET CLUB Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin party tracks spanning four decades.

10pm–2am, £1.50 LEGENDS DWNN Monday Gangbang. A night filled with song, sketches and chat. 11am–5am, free QUEENS ARMS Tammy Twinkle's Cabaret Karaoke Show. 8pm–1am, free THE BASEMENT Chic. Decades of delicious disco anthems. 11pm–4am, free Jaime Pettit

>

>

> >

025_LS467_reviews_000_LS466_reviews 18/03/2010 16:19 Page 1

REVIEWS 25

L7 Under review Read more reviews of local shows online at www.thelatest.co.uk GRIZZLY BEAR Proof positive that proficiency on your instruments and a decent set of pipes can’t compensate for poor songwriting. Grizzly Bear’s tunes – a schizophrenic mix of the doomy and delicate – failed to achieve anything approaching a memorable melody or hook. They’re the kind of songs you forget even as you’re listening. The die-hard fans seemed pleased, whilst others looked on blankly. Grisly Bear, anyone? By comparison, support act Beach House’s songs – filtered through Procol Harum and The Beach Boys – had a charm and memorability that put the headliners to shame.

Corn Exchange, 11 March ✪✪✪✪✪ Gary Mepsted

Review. Grunge trio Dirty Scavanger’s frontperson, Jo Maultby, demonstrated real promise whilst electronica duo 'Portslade' failed somewhat to translate the preciseness of their Latest Brighton Download Chart-topping studio work into live performance. The potential of the LayLanas’ gritty country-rock was ruined for me by the incongruous sight of the young singer’s mum sharing the stage and The Perils were, as ever, loud rock ‘n’ roll in timeless tradition. All four acts have something but whether any have enough is the question. On this evidence, close – but no cigar.

Prince Albert, 11 March ✪✪✪✪✪ Mark Edes

SPARROW AND THE WORKSHOP JETHRO TULL Jethro Tull occupy a special place in the progressive rock firmament.

Whereas Dave Gilmore's stratocaster and John Lord's hammond organ can carry you back to the ‘70s in four bars, Ian Anderson's flute can do it for you in one. On this occasion, the band’s sound was resolutely the same as it was then; tight, riff-based rock played at speed, in unison, just this side of bombastic – or not. Ian no longer has the vocal range he once possessed and out has gone the full dress theatricality, but hey, he's finally come to grips with being an old rocker, just like this fan.

Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 10 March ✪✪✪✪✪ Paul Clark

LUKE WRIGHT: THE PETTY CONCERNS OF LUKE WRIGHT BBC Radio 4’s Saturday Live resident poet Luke Wright is on tour with his fourth solo show, tackling the issue of humility in a clever and captivating way. The first half of the set delved into the poet’s selfobsession and endless ego-surfing issues. Halfway through, the tone changed and Wright considered the vapid nature of seeking fame in his own charming manner. Through a combination of poetry, storytelling and slideshows, we were taken on a journey from ego to humility.

Komedia, 7 March ✪✪✪✪✪ Sophie Buijsen

UNSIGNED BAND REVIEW A healthy turn out and the odd recognisable Brighton face, Gary Moore included, turned out for the first Brighton gig and demo drop from website Unsigned Band

It takes a lot to make me forget there’s a vital Champion’s League match on, but Sparrow And The Workshop achieved this with an excellent blend of folky guitars and driving drums. Jill O’Sullivan’s sweet and shy chat between songs – admitting a fear that she’d hit her teeth on the mic, and wondering why she giggles so much – couldn’t be more different to the powerful soaring vocals she provided to an all-too-short set of songs that veered from tender to raucous and back again. The crowd at Concorde 2 grew with every song, as did the applause, and I suspect I wasn’t the only one who left as a fan.

Concorde 2, 9 March ✪✪✪✪✪ Tim Watts

CASUAL VIOLENCE: DON'T TAKE DRUGS If you find jokes about perverts and ‘paedos’ uncomfortable – or if they simply bore you now – then production company Casual Violence! ain't for you. However, nestling among the usual student fare lurked some nicely-done sketches – interjected with some very odd keyboard ditties. This sixstrong team of comics might be fresh to the party, but there's certainly promise in their sick and surreal gags. Some neat ideas too: the inanity of youth culture was well captured in a sketch about various websites hanging out together (Twitter as a squawking chicken; Google as the Führer), but the best was probably the stream of horsey puns that accompanied an ominouslysoundtracked ketamine episode.

Marlborough Theatre, 11 March ✪✪✪✪✪ Ben Bailey

Do you disagree with our verdict on one of these shows? comment@thelatest.co.uk

PEDAL PARTY DAVE GORMAN: SIT DOWN, PEDAL, PEDAL, STOP AND STAND UP Theatre Royal 15 March ✪✪✪✪✪

D

ave Gorman is entrancing.

With a delivery similar to Daniel Kitson in a good mood, his mixture of old style gags and stories had us grinning from the moment he cycled on stage. His occasional corpsing was endearing, as was his delight in exploring the many ways in which his comedy could be delivered.

The show was in two halves, the first proving him to be the perfect party guest. He shared his sense of mischief in making up answers for press interviews and an inventiveness in winding up his friends and family. His is an exploring mind that never seems to stop asking ‘what happens if...?’, and his comedy is all the better for it. Unlike a lot of comics, he wasn’t telling us how we should think, just sharing a delightful evening of fun and anecdotes.

The second half was slightly more structured, covering topics that truly seemed to agitate Gorman. We got a snip of his old style as he picked a subject and considered it from many angles.

Sugar Puffs and advertising were duly examined and lambasted,

as hypocrisy and historical perspective agitated our host into a near frenzy of frustration and stand-up.

Gorman’s research, science background and leftfield conclusions (that proved convincingly logical) came to the fore after their brief introduction in the first half, building to a crescendo that made us all feel like Monty Python extras from the good old days.

More than that I can’t say as one of his final requests of the evening was that we not spoil it for future audiences by giving it away at all. This topped the feeling that we’d all been invited to a delightful private party, where he entertained and befriended each and every one of us. And he was ready to do it all again for a new bunch of friends the next night.

His departing appeal was for anyone in the audience with a bright or silly idea to apply to be on the latest series of his Radio 4 show, Genius. It felt like a compliment and an invitation.

What a lovely host.

Victoria Nangle

>Latest 7 is expanding its live reviews team… ...and we are on the look out for volunteers. Do you have a way with words, a free evening or two and a passion for theatre, music, comedy or dance?

Send two 100 word samples of your reviewing style to bella@thelatest.co.uk

026_LS467_Sports-TV_Column_024_LS466_Sports/TV_Column 18/03/2010 15:18 Page 2

26

SPORT | TV

L7 TV

L7 Sport

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE

823 – 29 MARCH8

On Your Marks

Telly Talk

Tony Marks on England’s plunging World Cup hopes

With Victoria Nangle

D

Kitchen capers

o you ever get the impression that the gods aren’t smiling on our national football team? This time last year England had a 100 per cent record in their World Cup qualifying campaign, the unity and belief within the squad appeared to be the best it had been in recent history, and Fabio Capello had installed the kind of discipline that no other manager has been able to with this group of millionaire superstars. And to quote myself from this column last year, ‘for the first time in my lifetime, England look like a team who could win the World Cup’.

A

“If only England had another 11 players as dedicated, passionate and talented as Beckham” Now if we fast forward to the present, things don’t look quite as smooth, do they? John Terry has been stripped of his captaincy after an alleged affair with the mother of Wayne Bridge’s child. Bridge himself has decided to quit Capello’s squad as he can’t bear to share a changing room with his former best friend. Ashley Cole has a fractured ankle to go with his fractured marriage. Oh, and Steven Gerrard has completed less passes for Liverpool this season than Lucas!

So what else could go wrong? Well, in that same column six months ago I wrote, ‘no other player lifts the England team, and fans, like David Beckham. He HAS to be on the plane to South Africa.’

So yes, Becks is out of the World Cup having ruptured his Achilles tendon playing for AC Milan. And in that split second during a game at the San Siro, when Beckham fell to the ground clutching that famous right foot, his international career reached a huge anti-climax.

Let’s be honest, how many of us had imagined this scenario? It’s the last minute of the World Cup Final. England are drawing 0-0 with Germany when Steven Gerrard gets brought down on the edge of the penalty box.

The ref blows for a free kick, and the whole world’s attention turns to Becks who, with that steely look in his eyes, curls it into the top left hand corner... That was supposed to be his curtain call!

His crosses and free kicks may have been majestic at times, but the thing I’ll miss about him most will be his tireless passion for the cause. His legs may not have the strength they had five or ten years ago, but playing for England meant more to him than anyone else, and that’s what carried him so well. We salute you Mr Beckham. If only England had another 11 players who are as dedicated, passionate and talented as you were.

Anyway, back to those gods. I just pray they show a little bit of compassion towards Wayne Rooney.

Join Tony Marks for Sport Saturday on Brighton’s Juice 107.2 every Saturday afternoon from 2pm, and on the New Music Show, Monday-Thursday 7-10pm.

Is this the end of our World Cup hopes? comment@thelatest.co.uk

friend of mine takes cookery books to bed when she’s feeling poorly. It cheers her up, looking at the sumptulously produced cakes and pastries, visually feasting on pies and vol-auvents. It’s a little bit of fantasy kitchen when all her tum – and current cooking abilities – is really up to is gently warmed cream of tomato soup. Other people don’t wait to be poorly to do this. Hence the success of Come Dine With Me. The glut of culinary programmes has been commented on before. Just flicking through the pages of the TV guide, I can find Raymond Blanc’s Kitchen Secrets, Saturday Kitchen Live, and MasterChef every weeknight. Joining them soon is a spin-off from another popular foodie programme, The Restaurant.

From way back in the second series, one cocky yet likeable pair of lads, Alasdair and James, stood out by getting through every week by the skin of their teeth.

Apart from their ingenious talent for getting a wrong detail to escalate to near epic proporations, and Alasdair’s ability to go bright red from the neck upwards as he literally got hot under the collar from these near calamities, the food didn’t look bad. Yum, yum, yum.

More virtual feasting with none of the calories. In fact, this new foodie programme – Out Of The Frying Pan – isn’t half bad on all counts.

In the first episode the pair – who, by the way, have been training at one of Raymond Blanc’s restaurants for the last few years to brush up on their trade – leave their jobs and decide to set up on their own as high-end caterers. Their first job is for Duncan Bannatyne and they. Are. Terrified. Goodo, drama already, and a tinge of pink on Alasdair’s neck before they’ve even started.

Mr B and his missus are holding a dinner party with eight guests in their villa in the South of France.

The brief is for nibbles including haggis, a starter with local speciality sea urchins, a sea bass flambéd at the table, a main course, sticky toffee pudding, and a brand new ice cream flavour for former ice cream van man Duncan. All with a Scottish-Italian theme. And James has never cooked haggis or sea urchin before. They’re bricking it.

The boys are such delightful characters, with the ability to make it look and taste beautiful in the end, but still committing classic balls-ups along the way. It’s like watching old styley live Blue Peter cooking preparations but with a Michelin star. Lush.

I’m going to tell my cookery bookloving friend all about this latest delight. And all the others that salivate at the screen on a regular basis. After all, it’s about time food porn got a bit more plot.

Out Of The Frying Pan starts on BBC2 on Monday 5 April. follow me on twitter

latestvicky

DO YOU MAKE SUSSEX FEEL HEALTHY AND BEAUTIFUL? Promote yourself in our health and beauty features and reach over 100,000 people.

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027_LS467_TV_Tues_029_LS467_TV_Tues.qxd 19/03/2010 12:06 Page 1

tuesday 23 Supersize Vs Superskinny Channel 4, 8pm Magazine show examining issues around weight, food and body image, presented by Dr Christian Jessen and Anna Richardson.

Obese Julie Treadeagle swaps diets with underweight caffeine addict Jade Potts, while Anna investigates the latest diet products and fads. Always fun to watch when eating your dinner.

Children’s Hospital ITV1, 7.30pm Documentary series set in the brand new Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital. In the first episode, we meet seven-year-old Jack Norfolk who faces his 22nd operation. Also, in Accident and Emergency, a child has an orange pip stuck in her nose – wonder if she’s called Pippa? Plus a boy with a nasty cut on his head.

Boyzone: Life After Stephen ITV2, 10pm An intimate and sensitive portrait of the four remaining members of Boyzone as they struggle to deal with losing their friend and bandmate Stephen Gately, who passed away suddenly in 2009.

How are they coping with the tragic loss of their ‘brother’ Stephen? What does the future hold for the band?

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Decade Of Doctors 2.20 Missing 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Dirtgirlworld 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.45 Shaun The Sheep 3.50 Muddle Earth 4.05 Deadly 60 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories that matter across the country.

7.30 EastEnders Chelsea’s search for a good man does not go according to plan.You’re in Albert Square love, whaddy’a expect?

8.00 Holby City Linden starts to doubt whether he and Faye should be together and puts the breaks on their relationship. Emeregency stop more like. Squeak-eek-bang.

9.00 Richard Hammond’s Invisible Worlds German scientists unlock the secrets of animal locomotion with the world’s most powerful x-ray camera.

Richard shows how new technologies are letting us see our world anew.

Now, they did go to Specsavers.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Man Who Cycled The Americas Mark Beaumont is back on the road attempting to cycle 13,000 miles through 12 countries.

11.25 FILM: The Ladykillers (2004) A gang of thieves plot to tunnel into a casino vault from a rented room, but when the landlady gets suspicious they decide they must silence her.

Give her gobstoppers.

1.05am Weatherview 1.10 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.40 Sign Zone: Stuart: The Day My Life Changed 2.40 Sign Zone: MasterChef 3.40 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am - 9.05 Children’s television 9.05 Louie 9.15 Clifford’s Puppy Days 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary Geography 11.20 Science Clips 11.30 Primary I-D&T – Making Things Move, Building Shelters 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Open Gardens 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Animal 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Antiques Road Trip Philip Serrell and Charles Hanson are in Gloucester and their reputations are on the line. Sex scandals in The Sun? Shopping in Poundstretcher?

7.00 Wonders Of The Solar System Professor Brian Cox reveals how an atmosphere can create some of the most wondrous sights in the Solar System.

8.00 Grow Your Own Drugs James’ cheap recipes include an angelica stomach soother and a wormwood and sage repellent to help banish the pesky moth. Shoo moth, shoo!

8.30 The Delicious Miss Dahl Sophie Dahl revels in the joy of cooking for one on a selfish day.

Snozzcumbers and Frobscottle?

9.00 Edward VII – Prince Of Pleasure Unravelling the mystery of this thoroughly modern monarch.

10.00 QI Stephen Fry, Jo Brand, David Mitchell and Alan Davies.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis.

11.20 Mad Men Don and Betty have a weekend in Rome to check out Conrad Hilton’s hotel. Springy beds.

12.10am The Berlusconi Show Reporter Mark Franchetti assesses one of the world’s most controversial and flamboyant leaders. 1.10 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

ITV1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Auction Party 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ashley goes to the police to report the attack – but can he keep it a secret from Laurel?

7.30 Children’s Hospital See highlights 8.00 Cops With Cameras Dell the drug-sniffing dog develops a keen interest in a suspected dealer’s washing machine. Clean doogie!

9.00 Law & Order: UK DS Ronnie Brooks and DS Matt Devlin must investigate when the evacuation of a London hospital leads to the discovery of a tragic death.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 Martina Cole’s Lady Killers Series in which crime writer Martina Cole turns the spotlight on nurse Beverley Allitt who, in a three month period, killed four children and attempted to murder a further nine while working at a small cottage hospital in Grantham, Lincolnshire.

11.35 River Monsters Jeremy Wade goes to extraordinary lengths in his mission to find out whether the piranha of the Amazon basin is truly the river monster of nightmares.

12.25am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Mystery Casebooks on Britain’s most notorious murders, infamous criminals and unsolved mysteries. 1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.20 Frasier 8.50 Frasier 9.20 Will And Grace 9.50 Deal Or No Deal 10.35 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 It’s Me Or The Dog 12.35 Location, Location, Location 1.35 FILM: Dark Command (1940) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

6.00 The Simpsons Maggie is ready for pre-nursery school, but will the caustic supervisor at Miss Wickerbottom’s allow her entry?

6.30 Hollyoaks Jake finds himself in handcuffs as the chief suspect in Holly’s kidnapping. That boy.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny See highlights 9.00 One Born Every Minute Anxious parents Dan and Charlie watch over the progress of their only surviving twin baby. Triplet William also requires specialist care when he develops problems with his lungs.

10.00 Shameless Carl and Chesney find themselves stranded on a Welsh farm. Mickey and Liam have been picked to make a community film to inspire the residents of Chatsworth.

Free pints all round at The Jockey?

11.05 8 Out Of 10 Cats Tonight’s guests include Patrick Kielty, Rhod Gilbert and Shappi Khorsandi.

11.40 Comedy Showcase: Girl Friday Sketch show with Josie Long, Kerry Howard and Sara Pascoe, including a look at a predictivetexting Ouija board. Very handy.

12.10am Betfair World Series Of Poker Action from the World Series of Poker Europe. 1.10 Wakestock 2009. 1.40 Road To The 2010 FIFA. 2.10 KOTV Boxing Weekly 2.35 Mobil 1 3.00 World Sport 3.30 Freesports On 4 4.50 Grudge Match

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am – 7.45 Children’s television 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 7.55 Chiro 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 CSI: NY 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Axe Men 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 The Family Recipe 2.55 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.10 FILM: Love Is A Four Letter Word (2007) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Still locked in the caravan, Leah and Elijah continue to skirt around their true feelings.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show.

7.30 Chinese Food In Minutes Ching-He Huang comes to the aid of two young American pals lead busy lives in London and want to learn to make fast and tasty Chinese food. On the menu are spicy chunky lamb, pork and water chestnut dumplings, and duck spring rolls.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers Lisa tows a load of explosives to Deadhorse.

Tim prepares to go it alone. Jack slips and slides over the road with a empty tanker behind him. Snow plough!

9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Ray and Nick discover the corpse of a young boy alongside body parts in an illegal waste dump.

Is Dr Jekyll back?

10.00 CSI: Miami When a shooter targets the motel where Delko is staying, Horatio must look into Delko’s past to find the killer.

11.00 CSI: NY Stella, Flack and Lindsay try to find out who killed an internet entrepreneur with an exploding cigar. What larks.12.00am The FBI Files Documentary series that charts the work of the FBI’s crime laboratory 1.00 SuperCasino 4.05 The FBI Files 4.55 Rough Guide To Activity Holidays 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 Netbusters 12.00pm Football League 1.30 Netbusters 2.00 Test Cricket 4.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.00 Football Asia 5.30 Test Cricket 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 School Of Hard Knocks 10.30 Revista De La Liga 11.30 Football Asia 12.00am Ford Football Special 1.30 School Of Hard Knocks 2.00 Time Of Our Lives 2.55 Football Asia 3.25 LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Netbusters 9.30 Football League 11.00 SPL Round-Up 11.30 Extra Time 12.00pm Poker 2.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.00 SPL Round-Up 3.30 IRB Sevens 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 10.15 PokerStars Caribbean Adventure 11.15 Test Cricket 1.15am World Cup Of Pool 2.15 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE: Afterburn 8.00 Golf: The Tavistock Cup 11.30 PGA Tour Golf 12.30pm Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 2.00 PGA Tour Classic 3.00 Live Golf: The Tavistock Cup 9.00 Test Cricket 11.00 World Cup Of Pool 12.00am School Of Hard Knocks 12.30 Extra Time 1.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 2.00 Sports Unlimited 3.00 Close

Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser: Australia (x2) 1.00 Lie To Me 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 UK Border Force 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Stargate Universe 9.00 Caprica 10.00 Fringe 11.00 Lost 12.00am Caprica 1.00 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 8.00 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 9.00 Women, Weddings, War And Me 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Gemma Factor 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Women, Weddings, War And Me 12.45am The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 1.45 The Gemma Factor 2.15 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2)

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Hannah Glasse: The First Domestic Goddess 8.00 Carluccio And The Leopard 9.00 Fat Man In A White Hat 10.00 Barbados At The Races: Storyville 10.30 Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit 11.30 Beryl’s Last Year 12.30am Barbados At The Races: Storyville 1.00 Carluccio And The Leopard

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 Judge Judy (x3) 6.00 American Idol: Results 7.00 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button 8.00 What Katie Did Next 9.00 The Vampire Diaries 10.00 Boyzone. See highlights 11.00 FILM: The Bodyguard (1992) 1.40am Emmerdale

12.55pm Heartbeat 1.55 Ballykissangel 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 Drama Trails 5.10 On The Buses 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Bruce Forsyth Uncut: Piers Morgan’s Life Stories 10.30 Wire In The Blood 12.25am Reckless

12.10pm Wildfire 1.05 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance 11.00 Shameless 12.10am Skins 1.15 How I Met Your Mother

4.25pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 The Other Michael Jackson: Battle Of The Boogie 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: The Yes Men Fix The World 12.00am Come Dine With Me 1.00 True Stories: The Yes Men Fix The World

2.00pm Celebrity Four Weddings 2.30 Nothing To Declare 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 New America’s Next Top Model (x2) 9.00 Celebrity Restaurant In Our... 10.00 Jade: A Year Without Her 11.30 CSI 12.30am Canada’s Next Top Model

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Weaponology 3.00 The First World War 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Massive Machines (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Swords: Life On The Line 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)

11.00am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 1.00pm 3rd Rock From The Sun 1.30 FILM: Landslide (2004) 3.20 FILM: Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2008) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 Eastwick (x3)11.00 FILM: Lava Storm (2008) 1.00am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 3.00 Sea Of Souls

8.30am A Foreign Affair (1948) 10.30 Rear Window (1954) 12.30pm East Of Eden (1955) 2.30 Pillow Talk (1959) 4.20 Desk Set (1957) 6.10 Strangers On A Train (1951) 8.00 Spartacus (1960) 11.10 Dial M For Murder (1954) 1.05am Hush... Hush, Sweet Charlotte (1965)

9.00am Bart Got A Room (2008) 10.30 Out Of Sight (1998) 12.35pm The Joy Luck Club (1993) 3.00 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 5.00 Bart Got A Room (2008) 6.30 Adulthood (2008) 8.15 Out Of Sight (1998) 10.20 Hero (2002) 12.05am Magnolia (1999) 3.25 Adulthood (2008)

11.00am The Eve Of Saint Mark (1944) 12.50pm Panic In The Streets (1950) 2.40 Torpedo Run (1958) 4.30 Young At Heart (1954) 6.45 Green Zone Special 6.50 Gallipoli (1981) 9.00 Shooter (2007) 11.25 Little Nicky (2000) 1.05am Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001) 3.45 Close

7.00am Jeremiah Johnson (1972) 9.30 The Spirit Of St Louis (1957) 12.10pm The Screening Room 1.00 Pulp (1972) 3.00 Frankie And Johnny (1966) 4.45 Mad City (1997) 7.05 Doc (1971) 9.00 She-Devil (1989) 11.00 The Mackintosh Man (1973) 1.05am She-Devil (1989) 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 Pulp (1972)

4.20pm As Time Goes By 4.55 Only Fools And Horses 6.40 Last Of The Summer Wine 7.20 The Good Life 8.00 One Foot In The Grave 8.40 Dinnerladies 9.20 Blackadder II 10.00 Only Fools And Horses 11.05 The Smell Of Reeves And Mortimer 11.45 Hippies 12.20am Heroes Of Comedy: The Goons

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2)9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 1.10 South Park

Classics

Indie

028_LS467_TV_Weds_030_LS467_TV_Weds.qxd 19/03/2010 12:02 Page 1

wednesday 24 Inside John Lewis BBC2, 9pm John Lewis is expanding its fashion into online services. The big question is whether the department store can embrace this online world without compromising what is considered to be the business’ holy grail: personal and specialist service.

‘Oh it does suit, madam’ – cybertailors perhaps?

Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Channel 4, 9pm Owner Akira was a successful sushi chef at another restaurant, so he decided to branch out on his own. But business has slowed down and Sushi Ko is losing money. Enter Gordon – scrub the kitchen, sack the dunces, lower the prices, swear a lot and simplify the menu.

The Secret’s Of Stonehenge: A Time Team Special More4 10pm Over the last six years, a team of archaeologists have been digging Stonehenge and the surrounding landscape to uncover the site’s secrets. During their excavations the team found the biggest Neolithic settlement in Northern Europe. Not just naked hippies or bongo-tappers at Solstice then.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Decade Of Doctors 2.20 Missing 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Dirtgirlworld 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.45 Shaun The Sheep 3.50 Muddle Earth 4.05 SMart 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories that matter across the country.

7.30 Life Of Riley Maddy and Jim’s bedroom is off limits, and the lack of personal space leads to some uncomfortable discoveries.

8.00 MasterChef John Torode and Gregg Wallace continue their search for the country’s best amateur cook.

9.00 Chocolate – The Bitter Truth Paul Kenyon goes undercover as a cocoa trader in West Africa. He discovers young children working long hours on farms.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Budget Statement By The Chancellor The Chancellor of the Exchequer explains his budget.

10.40 The National Lottery Draws The midweek National Lottery draws.

10.50 Damages Patty goes head-tohead with the District Attorney for access over a key witness. Yale?

11.30 FILM: The Ghost And The Darkness (1996) Adventure-based on the true story of the confrontation between two Europeans and a pair of lions that obstructed a railway line in East Africa. Grrrr-eat viewing.

1.10am Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 1.15 Sign Zone: Country Tracks 2.15 Sign Zone: Inside The Perfect Predator 3.15 Sign Zone: MasterChef 4.15 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am – 7.00 Children’s television 7.00 Arthur 7.15 Arthur 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Space Hoppers 8.00 Dead Gorgeous 8.30 Zigby 8.40 Pinky Dinky Doo 8.55 Pinky Dinky Doo 9.05 Louie 9.15 Clifford’s Puppy Days 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 See Hear 11.30 Budget 2010 3.00pm Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Teams from all over the UK battle to beat the formidable Eggheads. Eggy-eggy-eggy!

6.30 Antiques Road Trip The pressure is on Charles to find profitable treasures. Metal detector?

7.00 Cycling: World Track Championships Jill Douglas introduces coverage from the first day of the Track Cycling World Championships at the Ballerup Super Arena in Denmark. There are four finals to be decided on day one of the five-day competition, including two events where Britain claimed silver medals in Poland last year.

9.00 Inside John Lewis See highlights.

10.00 Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience The Welsh stand-up comic tries out some proper jobs as he goes from the stage to the hair and beauty salon. Hair-raising results.

10.30 Newsnight Stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman.

11.20 Budget Statement By The Chancellor The Chancellor of the Exchequer explains his budget.

11.25 The Bubble Comedy news quiz hosted by David Mitchell, guests include Katy Brand and Josie Long.

11.55 A Band For Britain Sue Perkins returns to Yorkshire to find herself at the centre of a family rift that threatens to tear the band apart.

12.55am BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

ITV1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.15pm The Chancellor’s Budget – An ITV News Special 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Auction Party 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 6.55 Budget Broadcast By The Chancellor Of The Exchequer By the Chancellor of the Exchequer.

7.00 Emmerdale Paddy gets suspicious and follows Aaron. Ashley struggles to hide his state of mind from Laurel. Jimmy and Carl are still at odds. Even Stevens then.

7.30 FA Cup Replay: Tottenham Hotspur V Fulham Tottenham have made hard work of their FA Cup run this season, needing replays to overcome the challenge of both Leeds and Bolton. They must also beat Fulham if they are to reach the semifinals. But Fulham harbour serious ambitions of their own, and having recently beaten UEFA Cup-holders Shakhtar Donetsk, they fear no team in cup football. Hard as nails mate.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 FILM: The Specialist (1994) A contract killer hired by a woman seeks revenge for her father’s murder.

When the hit man reluctantly agrees to avenge her father’s death he finds himself pitted against his old enemy.

Like an olive on a stone-baked pizza.

12.35am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime On patrol with police forces across the country.

1.30 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: 2.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.00am Sali Mali 6.05 Sali Mali 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.20 Frasier 8.50 Frasier 9.20 Will And Grace 9.50 Deal Or No Deal 10.35 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 It’s Me Or The Dog 12.35 FILM: Battle Cry (1955) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

6.00 The Simpsons Homer discovers Marge’s old flame Artie Ziff living in the attic. Better than bats.

6.30 Hollyoaks Bored of Carmel endlessly talking about Calvin, Mercedes is becoming more and more miserable. Cheer up, love.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Relocation, Relocation Kirstie and Phil revisit Rosie and Andy, who swapped Hertfordshire suburbia for a seaside home in Devon. The couple wanted a better quality of life in Devon, to be closer to where Andy was born and to enjoy the watersports they both loved.

9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA See highlights 10.00 Desperate Housewives Nick decides that the time has come for him and his family to move away from Wisteria Lane. A heated argument between Katherine and Mike has shocking results. For who?

11.00 Shameless Repeat of yesterday’s show.

12.00am 4 Music: The Album Chart Show Spotlight Sponsored

By TescoEntertainment.com Music programme 12.15 4 Music: Barclaycard Mercury Prize Sessions.

12.35 4 Music: Wakestock Music 2009 1.05 This Week’s 4Music Top 20 2.55 Runaway 3.25 St Elsewhere 4.25 Year Dot 5.25 Countdown

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am – 8.00 Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 CSI: NY 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Axe Men 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Zoo Days 2.55 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.10 FILM: Mystery Woman: Wild West Mystery (2006) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Gina puts a swift end to Tony’s plans to teach boxing at Summer Bay High. Bosh.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show.

7.30 Highland Emergency The Royal Navy races to save a seriously ill infant; and the Coastguard attempts a dangerous rescue in high seas and gale-force winds.

8.00 The Business Inspector Jass Patel is a young go-getter who dreams of chain of cocktail bars, whilst Derek Halpin has run his go-kart business for eight years, but is in danger of losing it all.

9.00 NCIS When Gibbs’s gut instinct tells him that the suspect is innocent of the crime, the agents are forced to work over Christmas to find the real perpetrator. Bah, humbug!

10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent A night at the opera ends in murder when a top young violinist is pushed to her death. Was the volatile conductor to blame? On the fiddle?

11.00 Numb3rs Charlie meets a kindred spirit when the lottery organisers send over one of their own agents to help solve the mystery.

11.55 PartyPoker: The Classics Classic poker action from the PartyPoker archives.1.00am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.05 The FBI Files 4.55 Rough Guide To Short Breaks 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 Revista De La Liga 12.30pm Football Asia 1.00 Ford Football Special 2.30 Football Asia 3.00 Revista De La Liga 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 Total Rugby 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 Football First: Match Choice 11.30 Football First: Match Choice 1.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.30 Spanish Football 3.30 Time Of Our Lives 4.30 Total Rugby 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Football Asia

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Golf: The Tavistock Cup 1.30pm Snowboard Diaries 2.00 Sports Unlimited 3.00 Golf: The Tavistock Cup 6.00 Sorsa Project Snowboarding 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 TBA 10.00 Test Cricket 12.00am European Tour Weekly 12.30 Inside The PGA Tour 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All 2.00 PokerStars Caribbean Adventure 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 8.00 Revista De La Liga 9.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 10.00 PokerStars Caribbean Adventure 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Snow Ride 1.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 2.00 Ladies European Tour Golf 3.00 PokerStars Caribbean Adventure 4.00 World Cup Of Pool 5.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE: Afterburn 7.00 Test Cricket 9.00 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 Trans World Sport 12.00am Total Rugby 12.30 Netball: Super League 2.30 Total Rugby 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Close

Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Lie To Me 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 UK Border Force 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 The World Wild Vet 9.00 The Real A & E 10.00 A League Of Their Own 10.30 FILM: What Lies Beneath (2000) 1.00am Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 8.00 Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man 9.00 FILM: Armageddon (1998) 11.25 Family Guy (x2) 12.10am The Gemma Factor 12.40 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 1.40 Dancing On Wheels 2.40 Undercover Princesses 3.40 The Gemma Factor 4.10 The Real Hustle On Holiday (x2)

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 It’s Only A Theory 8.00 Christina: A Medieval Life 9.00 Bread: A Loaf Affair 10.00 Mad Men 10.45 Women 11.45 How Do You Solve A Problem Like Lolita? 12.45am Bread: A Loaf Affair 1.45 It’s Only A Theory 2.15 Bread: A Loaf Affair 3.15 Women 4.15 Sacred Music 5.30 Close

12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 The Ricki Lake Show 5.30 Judge Judy (x2) 6.30 Calvin Harris: The Hot Desk 6.45 Beat The Star 8.00 American Idol: 11 Finalists 9.00 Gossip Girl 10.00 American Idol: 11 Finalists 11.00 FILM: GI Jane (1997) 1.30am Emmerdale

11.50am Wycliffe 12.55pm Heartbeat 1.55 Ballykissangel 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 On The Buses 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Ballykissangel 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.00 Canterbury Tales 11.05 Ladies Of Letters (x2) 12.05am Wycliffe

2.05pm Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 FILM: The Day After Tomorrow (2004) 11.20 The Cleveland Show 11.55 King Of The Hill 12.25am How I Met Your Mother 12.55 Scrubs (x2)

4.25pm How Clean Is Your House? 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 Sticks And Stones 9.00 Alexandria: The Greatest City 10.00 The Secrets Of Stonehenge: A Time Team Special See highlights 11.40 The Good Wife 12.40am Alexandria: The Greatest City

1.00pm Canada’s Next Top Model 2.00 Celebrity Four Weddings 2.30 Nothing To Declare 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Celebrity Restaurant In Our... 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 Medium 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm The First World War 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Massive Machines (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch: Lobstermen 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 The Day The Earth Was Born 10.00 Human Sacrifice 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)

11.00am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 1.00pm Final Days Of Planet Earth (x2) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 FILM: Journey To Middle Earth (2008) 9.40 FILM: Polar Storm (2009) 11.30 Medium 12.30am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 2.30 3rd Rock From The Sun 3.00 Sea Of Souls

8.40am Here Come The Waves (1944) 10.20 The Great Escape (1963) 1.15pm Seven Days In May (1964) 3.15 The Desperate Hours (1955) 5.15 Junior Bonner (1972) 7.00 The Great Escape (1963) 10.00 The Sand Pebbles (1966) 1.00am The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie (1969)

9.30am Stealing Beauty (1996) 11.30 Insomnia (1997) 1.10pm She Hate Me (2004) 3.30 The Diving Bell And The Butterfly (2007) 5.30 The Movie Geek 6.00 Once (2006) 7.40 She Hate Me (2004) 10.00 Stealing Beauty (1996) 12.05am Insomnia (1997) 1.45 Once (2006)

11.00am Carrington VC (1954) 1.05pm D-Day The Sixth Of June (1956) 3.10 River Of No Return (1954) 4.55 Green Zone Special 5.00 Storm Over The Nile (1955) 7.10 Vice Versa (1988) 9.00 The Full Monty (1997) 10.45 The 51st State (2001) 12.30am The Clearing (2004) 2.20 The Boys (1997) 4.00 Close

6.50am Frankie And Johnny (1966) 8.35 Mad City (1997) 10.55 Doc (1971) 1.00pm Canadian Bacon (1995) 3.00 Of Mice And Men (1992) 5.10 Babette’s Feast (1987) 7.15 Invitation To A Gunfighter (1964) 9.00 Rollover (1981) 11.45 Stigmata (1999) 2.05am Chuck Jones: Memories Of Childhood

4.15pm As Time Goes By 4.55 Only Fools And Horses 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 The Good Life 8.00 One Foot In The Grave 8.40 Dinnerladies 9.20 Blackadder The Third 10.00 Gavin And Stacey 10.40 Absolutely Fabulous 11.20 Only Fools And Horses 12.25am French And Saunders

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Grouchy Young Men 10.30 South Park 11.00 Sex And The City (x2) 12.10am Two And A Half Men (x2)

Classics

Indie

029_LS467_TV_Thurs_031_LS467_TV_Thurs.qxd 19/03/2010 12:08 Page 1

thursday 25 Women BBC2, 11.25pm Acclaimed filmmaker Vanessa Engle turns her attention to sexual politics. Tonight’s concluding part looks at a small group of passionate and committed activists. The film follows them as they prepare for their first ever conference, as well as a march through central London. Smokin’ bras.

The Bill ITV1, 9pm An investigation is mounted when four year old Billy Sullivan goes missing from his father’s garden.

When CCTV footage comes to light showing Billy getting into a car, the officers start tracing the vehicle, but DS Stevie Moss and DC Jacob Banks soon discover that the number plates are false. A race against time to save the tot.

Brothers And Sisters More4, 10pm The doctors advise Kitty that she needs a risky bone-marrow transplant after her collapse.

Kevin gets into a fight with Robert when he finds out that he has been going to see a woman – but is mortified to learn the woman is a psychiatrist who has been helping Robert deal with Kitty’s illness. What a tangled web, eh?

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Decade Of Doctors 2.20 Missing 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Dirtgirlworld 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.45 Shaun The Sheep 3.50 Muddle Earth 4.05 Horrible Histories 4.35 Relic: Guardians Of The Museum 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show The stories that matter from across the country.

7.30 EastEnders Max is determined to find Stacey, but his grim task leaves him shaken. Not stirred?

8.00 MasterChef It’s comeback week and eight contestants who didn’t quite make the grade last year will face four high-pressure tests to qualify for quarter-finals. They will also have to once again face the pressure of a professional kitchen at top London restaurant Asia de Cuba.

9.00 Inside The Perfect Predator Documentary revealing the inner alchemy that gives four extraordinary hunters the edge – from the moment they detect their prey through to the vital kill. Big teeth, large claws.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Budget Statement By The Shadow Chancellor The Shadow Chancellor responds to the Budget.

10.40 Question Time David Dimbleby chairs the debate in Glasgow, with a panel including businessman Sir Martin Sorrell.

11.40 This Week A political review of the week. 12.25am Skiing Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 12.30 Sign Zone: Countryfile 1.30 Sign Zone: Tropic Of Cancer 2.30 Sign Zone: Empire Of The Seas: How The Navy Forged 3.30 Sign Zone

BBC2

6.00am – 8.55 Children’s television 8.55 Pinky Dinky Doo 9.05 Louie 9.15 Clifford’s Puppy Days 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary History 11.20 Primary History 11.45 Primary Creative Arts Around The World – Australia 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Open Gardens 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz in which teams from all over the UK battle to beat the formidable Eggheads. Definitely free range.

6.30 Cycling: World Track Championships Jill Douglas presents continued coverage of the Track Cycling World Championships in Denmark at the Ballerup Super Arena.

8.00 Museum Of Life Jimmy Doherty and the team go behind the scenes at the Natural History Museum to find out about a new dinosaur, the latest thinking on the personality of a T Rex, and what scientists learn from a human skull over a hundred thousand years old.

Bit late for the kiss of life.

9.00 Total Recall: The Toyota Story How did this happen to a company synonymous with reliability and customer satisfaction? Filmed in Japan, the US and the UK as the crisis unfolded, this is the remarkable inside story.

10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Anarchic, award-winning pop quiz.

10.30 Newsnight Stories behind the day’s headlines with Emily Maitlis.

11.20 Budget Statement By The Shadow Chancellor The Shadow Chancellor responds to the Budget.

11.25 Women See highlights 12.25am BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision x2.

ITV1

Channel 4

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 6.55 Budget Response By The Shadow Chancellor By the Shadow Chancellor.

7.00 Emmerdale Paddy accuses Aaron of dealing drugs. Olena is stunned by Sam’s plan to help her.

Nicola wants Jimmy to break off all ties with Carl. Kipper ties? Bow ties?

7.30 Afraid To Be Gay: Tonight Gay rugby player Gareth Thomas uses hidden camera footage to find out the truth about our attitude to homosexuality.

8.00 Emmerdale Aaron cannot cope when Paddy suggests that he is gay, and turns on him violently.

8.30 Coronation Street Will the courts let Gail out on bail? Can Julie convince Eileen to take cowboy Jesse back? Yeehaw, check out them spurs.

9.00 The Bill See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 Car Crime UK The police are involved in a dangerous and snowy high-speed pursuit before raiding the house of a serial car thief.

11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime On patrol with police forces across the country.

12.30am In Plain Sight Drama about a US Marshal. 1.15 Loose Women 2.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.00 Afraid To Be Gay: Tonight 3.25 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV News

6.00 The Simpsons Marge ends up in an addiction centre. How Duff.

6.30 Hollyoaks Jake’s disappearance remains a mystery.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Country House Rescue John and Flavia Phillips are in their seventies and, with their Gothic mansion becoming a drain on them, they want to sell, so Ruth comes up with some ideas. Sell it to Batman.

9.00 The Air Hospital The C-17 Globemaster plane can carry anything from tanks and helicopters, but can also be transformed into a hospital with everything needed to bring home wounded service personnel in under 36 hours from the point of injury.

10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Alan will be joined on the sofa by Boy George, while Kim Cattrall tells Alan about her new film, The Ghost.

10.50 Hung Jemma tells Ray that she wants a break from their relationship. It’s all off, ducky.

11.25 Hung Tanya is dismayed when a satisfied customer announces that she won’t be using Ray’s services again. Just not that satisfied then.

12.00am Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night Weekly topical entertainment show.

12.50 4 Music: 4Play: Fightstar 1.05 4 Music: Sonisphere Festival 2009 2.00 Runaway 2.40 St Elsewhere 3.30 Dispatches 4.25 Year Dot 4.55 Battlefront 5.25 Countdown

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Auction Party 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.20 Frasier 8.50 Frasier 9.20 Will And Grace 9.50 Deal Or No Deal 10.35 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 It’s Me Or The Dog 12.35 Location, Location, Location 1.35 FILM: The Valley Of Gwangi (1969) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am - 8.00 Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 CSI: NY 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Axe Men 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Zoo Days 2.55 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.10 FILM: Murder 101: If Wishes Were Horses (2007) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Miles seeks Leah’s forgiveness. At first he’s met with a frosty reception, but as soon as the pair are reconciled, he lets slip another secret. Big mouth.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright and Kate Walsh.

7.30 Zoo Days Head keeper Tim Rowlands is looking forward to a double celebration – two of Chester’s giraffes are due to give birth soon.

Elsewhere, Patna the rhino shows off his dribbling skills. Manners Patna!

8.00 Build A New Life In The Country Rebecca and Jim plan to create their dream Georgian-style house in a small Buckinghamshire village. Will they meet their deadline or will the work drag on into the winter?

9.00 FILM: Felon (2008) Gritty prison drama about a loving husband and father who finds his life transformed into a waking nightmare when he accidentally kills a burglar. Oopsie.

11.05 FlashForward Mark is suspended from duty at the FBI and must meet with a therapist in order to regain his badge. Blue Peter?

12.05am FlashForward Sci-fi drama about a mysterious event that causes the population of the world to black out. Too many down the boozer.

1.00 SuperCasino 4.05 The FBI Files 4.55 Rough Guide To Journeys 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Football First: Match Choice 10.30 European Tour Weekly 11.00 Live European Tour Golf 1.00pm Inside The PGA Tour 1.30 Football First: Match Choice 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Live European Tour Golf 5.30 The Rugby Club 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE Darts: Premier League 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 The Rugby Club 12.30am Barclays Premier League World 1.00 SPL Round-Up 1.30 Darts: Premier League 5.00 Time Of Our Lives

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE: Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Golden Golf 10.00 Inside The PGA Tour 10.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm Total Rugby 1.30 European Tour Golf 3.30 Total Rugby 4.00 Spanish Football 6.00 SPL Round-Up 6.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 7.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 10.00 European Tour Golf 11.30 World Hockey Monthly 12.00am PGA Tour Golf 3.00 European Tour Golf 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Total Rugby 8.30 Sorsa Project Snowboarding 9.00 Netball: Super League 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Snow Ride 2.30 Sorsa Project Snowboarding 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Total Rugby 4.30 Sorsa Project Snowboarding 5.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 6.00 WWE Special: The Best Of Raw 7.00 Terje’s Seasons’ Pass 7.30 LIVE Championship Rugby League 9.30 The Rugby Club 10.30 WWE: Late Night Raw 12.30am WWE NXT 1.30 WWE Special: The Best Of Raw 2.30 Championship Rugby League 4.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 5.00 Close

Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

2.00pm Angela And Friends 3.30 UK Border Force 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 9.00 A League Of Their Own 9.30 Glenn Martin, DDS 10.00 Bones 11.00 NCIS: LA 12.00am A League Of Their Own 12.30 Road Wars

7.00pm Don’t Tell The Bride 8.00 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 9.00 Girls On The Frontline 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Girls On The Frontline 12.45am Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 1.45 Russell Howard’s Good News 2.15 Cannabis: Britain’s Secret Farms

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Only Connect 8.00 The Secret Life Of Chaos 9.00 In Search Of The Perfect Loaf 10.00 Fast Food Nation 11.50 Mark Lawson Talks To Liz Smith 12.50am In Search Of The Perfect Loaf 1.50 BBC Proms 2009: Gustav Mahler Jugend Orchester 4.00 In Search Of The Perfect Loaf 5.30 Close

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 The Ricki Lake Show 5.30 Judge Judy (x3) 6.30 Judge Judy 7.00 New You’ve Been Framed! 7.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 8.00 American Idol: Results 9.00 What Katie Did Next 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.45 FILM: You, Me And Dupree (2006) 1.00am Coronation Street

11.50am Wycliffe 12.55pm Heartbeat 1.55 On The Buses (x2) 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 Drama Trails 5.10 On The Buses 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses (x2) 7.55 The Darling Buds Of May 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 Numb3rs 11.00 FILM: The Presidio (1988) 1.00am Wycliffe

2.05pm Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 The Big Bang Theory 9.30 How I Met Your Mother 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.30 Glee 11.30 Rude Tube 12.00am How I Met Your Mother

3.20pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs 8.30 White Boy, Black Nanny 9.00 The Good Wife 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 The Closer 12.00am The Good Wife 1.00 Brothers And Sisters 1.55 The Closer

12.00pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.00 Canada’s Next Top Model 2.00 Celebrity Four Weddings 2.30 Nothing To Declare 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Most Haunted Live: Gothic Prague 12.00am CSI 1.00 Canada’s Next Top Model

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm World War II: The Complete History 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Massive Machines (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Extreme Loggers 10.00 Swords: Life On The Line 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)

11.00am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 1.00pm FILM: Termination Point (2007) 3.20 FILM: The Land That Time Forgot (2009) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 Legend Of The Seeker 9.00 Sanctuary 10.00 FILM: Alien V Hunter (2007) 11.40 Medium 12.40am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2)

9.00am Bedazzled (1967) 10.45 Guns Of August (1964) 12.25pm Rio Bravo (1959) 2.45 Romeo And Juliet (1968) 5.00 The King And I (1956) 7.15 Bedazzled (1967) 9.00 Bandolero!

(1968) 10.50 Marnie (1964) 1.10am Notorious (1946) 3.00 A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)

8.30am Short Films: Dear Lemon Lima 9.00 Chaplin (1992) 11.25 War, Inc (2008) 1.15pm There Will Be Blood (2007) 3.55 Joan Of Arc (1999) 6.35 Badlands (1973) 8.10 War, Inc (2008) 10.00 The Big Lebowski (1998) 12.00am There Will Be Blood (2007) 2.50 Do The Right Thing (1989)

11.00am The Last Mitterand (2005) 1.15pm Cheaper By The Dozen (1950) 2.55 Do Not Disturb (1965) 4.55 Green Zone Special 5.00 My Darling Clementine (1946) 6.50 Last Holiday (2006) 9.00 Along Came A Spider (2001) 11.05 Tony Manero (2008) 12.55am Saturday Night Fever (1977)

9.05am Babette’s Feast (1987) 11.10 Invitation To A Gunfighter (1964) 1.00pm The Defiant Ones (1958) 3.00 The Road To Hong Kong (1962) 5.00 Another Woman (1988) 6.45 Wuthering Heights (1939) 9.00 Desperate Hours (1990) 11.05 The Sergeant (1968) 1.15am Desperate Hours (1990)

4.20pm As Time Goes By 5.00 Heroes Of Comedy: Terry-Thomas 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Steptoe And Son 8.00 One Foot In The Grave 8.40 Dinnerladies 9.20 Gavin And Stacey 10.00 Only Fools And Horses 11.10 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 11.50 Hippies 12.30am Dinnerladies

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 FILM: Van Wilder (2002) 11.50 Sex And The City (x2) 1.00am Two And A Half Men (x2)

Classics

Indie

030_LS467_TV_fri_032_LS467_TV_fri.qxd 19/03/2010 13:27 Page 1

friday 26 Over The Rainbow BBC1, 9pm Never did we think there could exist such a thing as a ‘Dorothy Farm’. There does. It’s where Andrew Lloyd Webber and Graham Norton’s latest star will be. The search is on as they sift through the auditions to get their final 50 to send to this bizarre place. In case you didn’t guess, it’s Wizard Of Oz audition time.

Comedy Rocks With Jason Manford ITV1, 9pm Apparently comedy is the new rock’n’roll. We know it was said in the ‘90s, but this time we really mean it! Well, ITV commissioning does, as they mix the best of the UK’s comedy circuit with rocking, popping tunes. See Jo Brand, John Bishop, Pixie Lott, Scouting For Girls and Joe Pasquale. Yup.

Heroes Of Comedy More4, 11.10pm This series is all about the old masters of comedy, sometimes overlooked in the deluge of contemporary comics coming to the fore. Tonight focuses on Alastair Sim, born in Edinburgh, and best known for his appearance as headmistress in the St Trinian’s series. With contributions from other greats.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Decade Of Doctors 2.20 Missing 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Dirtgirlworld 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.45 Shaun The Sheep 3.50 Muddle Earth 4.05 ROY 4.35 Gastronuts 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 MasterChef The search continues for the best amateur cook.

8.00 EastEnders When Max finally tracks down Stacey, old wounds are re-opened and fresh ones created.

8.30 QI Comedy quiz show. Stephen Fry hosts, with Jeremy Clarkson, Bill Bailey, Danny Baker and Alan Davies.

9.00 Over The Rainbow See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Budget Statement By The Liberal Democrat Treasury Spokesman The Liberal Democrats’ Treasury Spokesman responds to the Budget. No badgers here.

10.40 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Jonathan is joined Sandra Bullock, fresh from winning the Oscars; the sublime Emma Thompson; and new Timelord Matt Smith.

11.40 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Dosh.

11.50 FILM: Godsend (2004) Starring Greg Kinnear, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, Robert De Niro.

Drama about a couple who make the decision to have their eight-year-old son cloned following his death. Fools!

1.25am Weatherview 1.30 Sign Zone: Seven Ages Of Britain 2.30 Lark Rise To Candleford 3.30 BBC News 5.00 Formula 1: Australian Grand Prix

BBC2

6.00 – 8.40am Children’s television 8.40 Pinky Dinky Doo 8.55 Pinky Dinky Doo 9.05 Louie 9.15 Clifford’s Puppy Days 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary Class Clips 11.15 Emotional Literacy 11.25 Primary Class Clips 11.40 Look And Read 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Open Gardens 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Animal 24:7 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Quiz.

6.30 Antiques Road Trip Philip Serrell and Charles Hanson get swept up in the magic of Bath as they shop for objects they hope will boost their coffers. What exactly is a coffer?

7.00 Cycling: World Track Championships Jill Douglas introduces action from the third day of the Track Cycling World Championships, where three finals are scheduled to be contested.

8.00 Mastermind The specialist subjects are Victorian and Edwardian poisoners, the life and music of Lead Belly, the life and work of Bishop John Robinson and the Football World Cup 1930-1958.

8.30 Gardeners’ World Gardening.

9.00 Indian Hill Railways Threepart series looking at the little trains that have climbed through the Indian clouds for a hundred years.

10.00 The Bubble Comedy news quiz hosted by David Mitchell. The latest guests are Miranda Hart, Shappi Khorsandi and Robert Webb, separating the fact from fiction.

10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Budget Statement By The Liberal Democrat Treasury Spokesman The Liberal Democrats’ Treasury Spokesman responds to the Budget. Not a stripey mammel.

11.05 The Review Show 11.55 Heroes (x2) 1.20am FILM: Q & A (1990)

ITV1

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.20 Frasier 8.50 Frasier 9.20 Will And Grace 9.50 Deal Or No Deal 10.35 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 It’s Me Or The Dog 12.30 Location, Location, Location 1.35 FILM: The Time Machine (1960) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 The Simpsons

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 CSI: NY 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Axe Men 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.00 FILM: Plainsong (2004) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 6.55 Budget Response By The Liberal Democrats Nothing to do with badgers. That’s just you getting letters mixed up. Move along.

7.00 Emmerdale Holly is in deep trouble when Natasha discovers it was she who gave Maisie the drugs.

7.30 Coronation Street How far will David go to prove Gail’s innocence? It’s a new wotsit the police have discovered that links marathon running with a mother’s innocence. Obviously.

8.00 Dancing On Ice Friday It’s not long until the grand final. There are some surprises for the finalists and a first glimpse at their Bolero routines.

8.30 Coronation Street Will David face the same fate as Gail? Jesse expects a warm welcome from Eileen but will Julie confess all?

9.00 Comedy Rocks With Jason Manford See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 FILM: Deep Blue Sea (1999) Starring Samuel L Jackson, Thomas Jane, Saffron Burrows, Aida Turturro.

Adventure story about a team of scientists who find themselves at the mercy of genetically modified sharks.

Really clever, with sharp teeth.

12.35am FILM: Missing (1982) 2.40 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks TV cameras descend upon Hollyoaks to film Duncan’s 16th birthday bash at The Loft. Holly remains unconscious. She’s not interested in such low brow things as birthday parties. No, no, no.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Unreported World Reveals how the increased Chinese presence in East Africa has lead to a resurgence in elephant poaching, with potentially devastating effects on tourism and the local economy.

8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Celia and David want to make the purchase of their dreams but must choose between a practical house in the Cotswolds or a dream of a home near Lake Garda in Italy.

9.00 Embarrassing Bodies Christian and Pixie uncover a few awkward medical complaints.

10.00 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night Chris Moyles and guests Sharon Osbourne, Johnny Vegas and Alesha Dixon compete in a quiz about the past seven day’s events.

10.50 FILM: 28 Days Later (2002) Starring Cillian Murphy, Naomie Harris, Brendan Gleeson.

Claustrophobic zombie horror.

1.00am Momma’s Boy 1.20 FILM: Next Friday (1999) 3.00 1300 CC 3.15 Runaway 3.55 The War At Home 4.15 St Elsewhere 5.05 In Your Dreams 5.20 Countdown

6.00 Home And Away Marilyn Fisher makes a surprise return. As she heads back to the Bay, she finds a wounded man with no memory staggering along the road. Thus started a whole new cross of Coen Brothers and Australian soap opera.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show.

7.30 Building The Ultimate Looking at the history of innovation behind the submarine. Cool.

8.00 Highland Emergency Documentary following the work of the emergency services in the Scottish Highlands.

9.00 The Mentalist Crime drama.

A young man is murdered over what appears to be a land dispute. During the investigation, Jane is arrested and sent to jail for bugging Bosco’s office – but manages to continue probing the case from his cell.

10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series. A bridesmaid is found dead in a cheap motel room, and Goren and Eames suspect that the victim had a personal connection to her killer.

11.00 NCIS Drama. A former petty officer thought to have been dead is implicated in a double homicide.

12.00am SuperCasino 4.00 Motorsport Mundial 4.30 Great Scientists 4.55 Rough Guide To Bang For Your Buck 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Auction Party 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

Five

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 The Rugby Club 10.30 SPL Round-Up 11.00 Live European Tour Golf 1.00pm Barclays Premier League World 1.30 SPL Round-Up 2.00 The Rugby Club 3.00 Barclays Premier League World 3.30 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 Football League Weekend 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am Barclays Premier League Preview 12.30 Super League 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Football League Weekend 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.30 World Sport

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE: Raw 9.00 WWE Special: The Best Of Raw 10.00 Premier League Darts 1.30pm European Tour Golf 3.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 4.00 Trans World Sport 5.00 Live Super 14 Rugby Union 7.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 10.00 European Tour Golf 11.30 European Seniors Tour Golf 12.30am PGA Tour Golf 3.30 European Tour Golf 5.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

Sky Sports 3 7.30am World Hockey Monthly 8.00 Terje’s Seasons’ Pass 8.30 Netball Superleague 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Race World 2.00 Snow Ride 2.30 World Hockey Monthly 3.00 WWE: Raw 5.00 Race World 6.00 Snow Ride 6.30 IEX Magazine 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Elite League Ice Hockey 10.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Super 14 Rugby Union 3.00 Tight Lines 4.00 Super League 5.30 Terje’s Seasons’ Pass

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Lie To Me 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 UK Border Force 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 WWE: Superstars 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Liza And Huey’s Pet Nation 9.00 Lost 10.00 A League Of Their Own 10.30 Glenn Martin, DDS 11.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 9.00 Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Snog Marry Avoid? 11.05 Hotter Than My Daughter 11.35 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Russell Howard’s Good News 12.50 Above Their Station 1.20 The Gemma Factor

7.00pm News 7.30 Sacred Music 8.30 Barbados At The Races: Storyville 9.00 Synth Britannia 10.30 Synth Britannia At The BBC 11.30 Newswipe With Charlie Brooker 12.00am Young Guns Go For It 12.30 Skippy: Australia’s First Superstar 1.30 Synth Britannia 3.00 Synth Britannia At The BBC

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 The Ricki Lake Show 5.30 Judge Judy (x2) 6.20 Dancing On Ice 7.30 Dancing On Ice: The Skate-Off 8.00 The Vampire Diaries 9.00 FILM: The Matrix Revolutions (2003) 11.35 Coronation Street (x2) 12.35am What Katie Did Next

11.50am Wycliffe 12.55pm Heartbeat 1.55 On The Buses (x2) 3.00 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 Drama Trails 5.10 On The Buses 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses (x2) 7.55 Pie In The Sky 9.00 Kingdom 10.00 A Is For Acid 12.10am Sherlock: Case Of Evil 1.55 Cane 2.40 On The Buses

12.10pm Wildfire 1.05 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Rude Tube 10.00 Wife Swap 11.05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 11.55 How I Met Your Mother 12.25am Scrubs (x2) 1.25 Rude Tube

4.25pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs 8.30 Dom Joly And The Black Island 9.00 FILM: Flight Of The Phoenix (2004) 11.10 Heroes Of Comedy . See highlights.

12.15am FILM: Flight Of The Phoenix (2004)

12.00pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.00 Canada’s Next Top Model 2.00 Celebrity Four Weddings 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model: What The Divas Are Doing Now 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Most Haunted Live: Gothic Prague 12.00am CSI 1.00 Canada’s Next Top Model 2.00 Rehab

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Weaponology 3.00 World War II: The Complete History 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Massive Speed (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 The Day Of The Kamikaze 10.30 Bloody Britain (x2) 11.30 Destroyed In Seconds 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)

11.00am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 1.00pm FILM: Jack Hunter: The Lost Treasure Of Ugarit (2008) 3.00 FILM: Force Of Impact (2005) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: The Grudge 3 (2009) 10.50 FILM: Raging Sharks (2005) 12.40am Legend Of The Seeker 1.40 Heroes

10.10am For Whom The Bell Tolls (1943) 12.50pm How The West Was Won (1962) 3.30 The Front Page (1974) 5.20 How To Marry A Millionaire (1953) 7.10 Pillow Talk (1959) 9.00 How The West Was Won (1962) 11.35 Strangers On A Train (1951) 1.30am Romanoff & Juliet (1961)

9.00am Angel (2007) 11.00 The Duchess (2008) 1.00pm Hero (2002) 2.45 Burn After Reading (2008) 4.25 Rumble Fish (1983) 6.00 Angel (2007) 8.00 The Duchess (2008) 10.00 Burn After Reading (2008) 11.40 Hero (2002) 1.25am Rumble Fish (1983) 3.05 Serial Mom (1994)

11.00am The Million Pound Note (1954) 12.45pm Let’s Make Love (1960) 3.05 The Raid (1954) 4.45 The Cassandra Crossing (1977) 7.15 Son Of The Mask (2005) 9.00 Don’t Say A Word (2001) 11.10 The Cell (2000) 1.15am Hard Eight (1997) 3.10 Green Zone Special 3.20 Close

8.40am Another Woman (1988) 10.25 Wuthering Heights (1939) 1.00pm Cold Turkey (1971) 3.00 Little Man Tate (1991) 5.00 The Apartment (1960) 7.20 The Train Robbers (1973) 9.00 Moonlight And Valentino (1995) 11.00 The Taking Of Pelham 123 (1974) 1.10am Moonlight And Valentino (1995)

4.20pm As Time Goes By 5.00 Heroes Of Comedy: Joyce Grenfell 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Steptoe And Son 8.00 One Foot In The Grave 8.40 Dinnerladies 9.20 Blackadder The Third 10.00 FILM: I Spy (2002) 11.55 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 12.35am French And Saunders

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Lee Evans Live: Different Planet Tour 10.30 South Park 11.00 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 11.30 Grouchy Young Men 12.00am Dara O Briain Live

Classics

Indie

031_LS467_TV_Sat_Latest7Sat27march.qxd 19/03/2010 13:04 Page 1

saturday 27 Harry Hill’s The Best Of TV Burp ITV1, 7.30pm Boo! TV Burp came to the end of its series last week. Yay! We’ve got a ‘best of’ coming right at ya.

And it’s not just the last series Harry’s taking the pickings from.

Gasp at Eoghan Quigg’s voting face on The X Factor, be amazed at Eric Clapton in Casualty, giggle at loads of Corrie mickey-taking.

Film: Walk The Line Channel 4, 9pm Leading lady Reece Witherspoon picked up an Oscar for her portrayal of June Carter, and Joaquin Phoenix was nominated for one in this, one of the last films he made before ‘retiring’ from acting. This biopic of Johnny Cash and his music draws you in from the off, never letting go throughout.

Tim Minchin: Live E4, 11pm The quirky musical comedy redhead showcases some of his classic turns, from a funky cry for the end to dancing bears – all the way through to a lament to ginger body hair. Winner of bucket-loads of awards and always a sell out at the Brighton Comedy Festival, the antipodean Tim Minchin is a guilty pleasure to enjoy.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

7.30am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.35 Rachel Allen: Home Cooking 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 South East Today 12.15 Football Focus 1.00 Formula 1: The Australian Grand Prix 2.15 Cycling: World Track Championships 4.30 Final Score 5.10 BBC News 5.20 South East Today 5.30 Total Wipeout

6.30 Over The Rainbow Graham Norton transports the final 20 hopeful girls to the magical studio kingdom of Oz in an all singing, all dancing extravaganza which marks the final stage of the audition process.

8.00 The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins Nick Knowles hosts the Saturday night National Lottery quiz where two teams compete to win £50,000 by completing a series of lists. Mums do that every day.

8.50 Casualty May’s confidence soars when she impresses Jordan with a patient and she realises she’s a serious contender for the JAFA. When her patient crashes, May is determined to prove herself and prepares to intubate alone. But as she does, she hears a sickening crack and realises she has broken her patient’s neck. Whoops!

9.40 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow Michael McIntyre visits some of the UK’s most prestigious and iconic stand-up comedy venues, unearthing a raft of comedy’s brightest new talent en route.

10.10 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker talks football stuff.

11.50 The Football League Show Highlights hosted by Manish Bhasin.

2.05am (BST) Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 3.05 Weatherview 3.10 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow 4.10 BBC News

BBC2

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 8.30 Doctor Who: Dreamland 9.15 The Secret Show 9.30 Prank Patrol 10.00 Ed And Oucho’s Excellent Inventions 10.30 Keep Your Enemies Close 11.00 The Slammer 11.30 My Life: My Dad In Prison 12.00pm No Hats, No Trainers 12.25 Shelfstackers 12.50 Single, Together, Whatever 1.20 The 5.19 Show 1.35 The Cut 2.00 Revealed 2.15 FILM: Anchors Aweigh (1945) 4.30 Cycling: World Track Championships 5.30 Victoria: A Royal Love Story 6.30 Edward VII – Prince Of Pleasure King Edward VII has always been an enigma. Twentieth century dynasty builder and sex addict; dyslexic dunce and astute political operator – he was all of these. Extensive new research unravels the mystery of this thoroughly modern monarch.

7.30 The Great Offices Of State Series in which reporter Michael Cockerell uncovers the secret world of Whitehall, showing what the trio of great offices – Home, Foreign and Treasury – are really like.

8.30 FILM: Mrs Brown (1997) Starring Judi Dench, Billy Connolly, Geoffrey Palmer, Antony Sher, Gerard Butler. Dramatisation of one of history’s most unusual love stories.

Queen Victoria is grieving over her husband’s death and finds herself unable to carry out public duties. John Brown is summoned from Balmoral to walk the Queen’s pony. The confident Highlander quickly becomes the Queen’s most trusted companion.

10.10 Heroes Drama series in which some people have superpowers.

Claire joins the carnival, but begins to suspect Samuel has a secret agenda.

10.50 FILM: Good (2008) A German professor in the 1930s is reluctant to accept the ideas of the Nazi Party.

12.20am FILM: Someone Else (2006) 2.35 BBC News

ITV1

Channel 4

6.20 ITV News; Weather 6.30 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed! Harry Hill delves into the archive once again to present the funniest clips ever! How are you managing with the tension?

7.30 Harry Hill’s The Best Of TV Burp See highlights, 8.00 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button Ant and Dec invite two more unsuspecting families to push the button for the chance to win some big money prizes. If the teams want to take home the cash, they will have to battle their way through a series of big games and daft challenges.

Sounds a bit like getting your change from the bar on a Saturday night.

9.00 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Joan Collins Piers Morgan talks to veteran actress and author Joan Collins, as she tells the definitive story of her life – the husbands, the lovers and all the Hollywood gossip.

Surely that’s more than one hour!

10.00 FILM: The World Is Not Enough (1999) Starring Pierce Brosnan, Sophie Marceau, Robert Carlyle, Denise Richards, Robbie Coltrane. Espionage thriller.

11.30 ITV News & Weather 11.45 FILM: The World Is Not Enough (1999) Bet the thread count on those sheets is something else.

12.35am FILM: The Yakuza (1975) 3.35 (BST) Nightwatch With Steve Scott 4.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30News

6.00 Come Dine With Me Dinner party reality competition. Tonight, businesswoman Sharon Eaton is laying on a ten-dish Thai banquet in her bid for Glasgow gourmet glory.

Ready for your own fish fingers and chips later? Not quite so lush now.

6.30 Come Dine With Me Despite it being Britain’s most popular dish, authentic Indian curry appears on the Come Dine With Me menu for the first time today. Cook Ishrat Gazala vows to make her food hot enough to burn the house down in the final.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Time Team Special Tony Robinson follows the excitement as a large team of archaeologists spend nine months digging a huge site in the heart of the city of London.

Roman London had always been thought of as a primitive city at the edge of the empire, but the discovery of some very special relics put all of that into question.

9.00 FILM: Walk The Line (2005) See highlights.

11.35 FILM: Rendition (2007) Starring Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhaal, Omar Metwally, Aramis Knight. Ensemble political drama focusing on the controversial titular issue. Btw – clocks about to change.

2.45am FILM: (BST) A Time To Leave (2005) 4.05 Scrapheap Challenge 5.00 Countdown 5.45 Yo Gabba Gabba

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.40 Emu 9.55 Tricky Quickies 10.00 Michael Winner’s Dining Stars 11.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 12.00pm ITV News & Weather 12.10 This Morning: Saturday 1.10 Midsomer Murders 3.15 Meridian News And Weather 3.25 FILM: Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets (2002)

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 World Sport 7.25 Road To The 2010 FIFA World Cup 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Friends 9.30 The Album Chart Show Introduces...

9.45 Glee 10.40 Leona Lewis Special: Under The Skin 11.40 Ultimate Traveller 12.45pm Smallville: Superman The Early Years 1.40 Channel 4 Racing 3.40 Come Dine With Me 4.10 Come Dine With Me 4.40 Come Dine With Me 5.15 Dubai World Cup Special

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00 – 8.15am Children’s television 8.15 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.25 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.40 Funky Valley 8.45 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Highland Emergency 11.00 The Gadget Show 12.00pm Chinese Food In Minutes 12.30 Zoo Days 1.05 FILM: Kermit’s Swamp Years (2002) 2.45 FILM: The Odessa File (1974) 5.20 Five News 5.25 FILM: The Magnificent Seven (1960) 7.45 NCIS Drama series following the work of the Navy’s dedicated federal agency. Ziva’s past comes back to haunt her when she witnesses an assassination by her former Mossad partner. Convinced her father ordered the hit, Ziva seeks refuge at the Israeli Embassy only to find she is wanted by the FBI. Whoops!

8.40 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation US drama series about a team of forensic investigators in Las Vegas. A man is stabbed in the head with a screwdriver while at the cinema, as the noise of an on-screen gunfight distracted attention from the crime. Did his phone go off? Eh? Eh?!

9.40 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. Stella finds a discrepancy at a murder scene that implicates a district attorney in a different crime.

10.40 Law And Order American drama series about cops and lawyers.

The death of a teenage girl in custody is linked to an illegal contraceptive coil. The implant was fitted without the girl’s knowledge by a nurse practitioner, who seems to be operating a sterilisation programme.

11.40 Crime Scene Academy Documentary.

12.10am SuperCasino 5.00 (BST) Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 Football League Weekend 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x3) 5.15 To Be Announced 5.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Barclays Premier League Preview 6.30 LIVE Super 14 Rugby Union (x3) 1.00pm LIVE European Tour Golf 5.00 LIVE Super League 7.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 10.00 European Tour Golf 11.30 European Seniors Tour Golf 12.30am Super League 2.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 3.00 Premiership Rugby Union 4.00 LIVE IRB Sevens 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Friday Fight Night 9.00 WWE Smackdown 11.00 WWE The Bottom Line 12.00pm NFL - America’s Game 1.00 Friday Fight Night 3.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am WWE Wrestlemania Preview 12.30 WWE Late Night Superstars 2.30 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 3.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 5.00 WWE Hall Of Fame

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Futurama (x4) 3.00 Fat Families 4.00 Oops TV 5.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 6.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than Your TenYear-Old? 7.00 Futurama 7.30 Glenn Martin, DDS 8.00 Lie To Me 9.00 FILM: Dude, Where’s My Car? (2000) 10.40 Fringe 11.40 A League Of Their Own 12.10am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 8.00 Top Gear 9.00 FILM: Armageddon (1998) 11.25 Russell Howard’s Good News 12.10am Family Guy 12.30 American Dad! (x2) 2.15 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 3.10 Russell Howard’s Good News 3.55 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 4.55 Snog Marry Avoid?

7.00pm Life 8.00 Monsoon Railway 8.50 Snowdrift At Bleath Gill 9.00 Wallander 10.30 Paul Merton Looks At Alfred Hitchcock 11.30 The Armstrong And Miller Show 12.00am Newswipe With Charlie Brooker 12.30 Leeds International Piano Competition 2009 2.30 BBC Proms 2009: Orchestre National De Lyon

1.30pm Planet’s Funniest Animals 1.55 Holiday Showdown 3.00 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button 4.00 American Idol: 11 Finalists 5.55 American Idol: Results 6.55 FILM: Wild Wild West (1999) 9.00 FILM: The Break-Up (2006) 11.10 FILM: Cliffhanger (1993) 2.20am Harry Hill’s The Best Of TV Burp

11.05am PD James: A Mind To Murder 1.20pm The Darling Buds Of May 2.25 Wycliffe 3.30 Pie In The Sky 4.35 Torvill And Dean’s Dancing On Ice: The Bolero Tour Live 5.40 Hercule Poirot’s Christmas 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Lewis 11.00 Murder In Mind (x2) 2.05 Reckless 3.00 Teleshopping

1.55pm How To Look Good Naked 2.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 7.00 The Big Bang Theory 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Without A Paddle (2004) 11.00 Tim Minchin: Live.

See highlights. 2.10am FILM: The First Wives Club (1996) 3.50 Dark Angel (x2)

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.30 Time Team (x4) 1.40 FILM: Porridge (1979) 3.30 Grand Designs Revisited (x3) 6.50 Grand Designs (x2) 9.00 The Force (x4) 2.30 FILM: Riot In Cell Block 11 (1954) 3.50 Close

12.00pm Celebrity Four Weddings (x4) 3.00 Nothing To Declare (x5) 6.00 FILM: Drop Dead Fred (1991) 8.00 Most Haunted Live: Gothic Prague 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x4) 3.50 Will And Grace (x2) 4.40 The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 5.30 Home Shopping

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies Sky Movies Film4

12.00pm Tony Robinson’s Romans (x3) 4.00 True Gladiators 5.00 American Chopper (x2) 7.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 8.00 How It’s Made (x2) 9.00 Christianity: A History 10.00 Human Sacrifice 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files 2.00 Forensic Detectives (x2)

12.30pm Legend Of The Seeker 1.30 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 4.50 FILM: Bicentennial Man (1999) 7.20 FILM: Journey To Middle Earth (2008) 9.00 FILM: Ogre (2008) 10.50 FILM: The Ring (2002) 2.00am Heroes (x2) 4.00 FILM: Force Of Impact (2005)

10.25am Only Fools And Horses (x8) 8.00 FILM: I Spy (2002) 10.00 One Foot In The Algarve 12.00am The Comic Strip Presents...

12.40 French And Saunders 3.00 Home Shopping

4.30pm Samantha Who? 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Jack Dee Live At The Apollo 10.40 Grouchy Young Men 11.10 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 11.40 Chris Rock: Never Scared 2.15am South Park

Classics

Indie

10.35am East Of Eden (1955) 12.35pm Vertigo (1958) 2.45 Modesty Blaise (1966) 4.50 Splendor In The Grass (1961) 7.00 What A Way To Go! (1964) 9.00 West Side Story (1961) 11.35 Modesty Blaise (1966) 2.40am A Lovely Way To Die (1968) 4.25 Lucky Jordan (1942)

12.20pm The Kite Runner (2007) 2.30 Kick-Ass Special 3.00 The Edge Of Heaven (2007) 5.00 The Escapist (2001) 6.35 32 Short Films About Glenn Gould 8.15 Election (1999) 10.00 Choke (2008) 11.40 Waltz With Bashir (2008) 2.15am The Baader Meinhof Complex (2008)

11.00am Seven Days To Noon (1950) 12.55pm Green Zone Special 1.00 Son Of The Mask (2005) 2.45 Journey To The Center Of The Earth (1959) 5.15 Above Us The Waves (1956) 7.10 Bring It On (2000) 9.00 Shooter (2007) 11.25 Rosemary’s Baby (1968) 2.10am Close

TCM 7.00am Little Man Tate (1991) 9.00 The Apartment (1960) 11.15 The Train Robbers (1973) 1.00pm Bunny O’Hare (1971) 3.00 Yentl (1983) 5.35 The Screening Room 6.40 Eight On The Lam (1967) 9.00 New York, New York (1977) 12.20am Bananas (1971) 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 Bunny O’Hare (1971)

032_LS467_TV_Sun_Latest7Sun28March.qxd 18/03/2010 17:01 Page 1

sunday 28 Dancing On Ice Final ITV1, 7.45pm Woo hoo! It’s time for an epic takeover of your telly for the entire evening by the three whooshing and whee!-ing couples that are left to skate it out in the final.

They’re pretty good, don’t you know. Plus, Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean open the show with a unique version of Bolero.

It’s going to be spangly-tastic.

Wonders Of The Solar System BBC2, 9pm Professor Brian Cox (really looks quite a bit like James Blunt) is bowled over. The solar system is just fabulicious. And he’ll tell you why. The laws of nature have carved out wonders in space, with the many different rocks, thermostats and sizes all playing their parts. Looks cool.

Paul Merton’s Weird And Wonderful World Of Early Cinema BBC4, 9pm Paul Merton has had a love affair with silent film (and loves having his name as part of a programme title). Here he looks at preHollywood cinema from Britain and France, bringing to life pioneering techniques and the amazement at this new medium.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Hana’s Helpline 8.15 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.30 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.45 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Hannah Montana 10.35 Wizards Of Waverly Place 11.10 Animal Rescue Squad 11.30 Megastructures 12.30pm Ice Road Truckers 1.30 FILM: The Ascent (1994) 3.20 FILM: Driven (2001) 5.30 Five News 5.35 FILM: Scooby-Doo (2002)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.30 Sunday Supplement 10.30 Goals On Sunday 11.55 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 2.30pm UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.00 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am Football: Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 12.30 Spanish Football 2.30 Ford Football Special 4.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.30 Football: Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 5.00 Watersports World

6.00 Countryfile Julia Bradbury and her dad go walking in Dovedale, where she first fell in love with the great outdoors. Good ol’ Dad. 7.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team are in the Cotswolds to visit Stanway House.

8.00 Lark Rise To Candleford When the postmaster at Inglestone, with an old score to settle, tries to force Dorcas into selling up, she is faced with the heartbreaking prospect of losing her home and denying Sydney his dream of running the post office one day. Sniff.

9.00 Enid Drama about the life of children’s storyteller Enid Blyton, following her career from ambitious, driven and unpublished young woman to household name and moral guardian, while glimpsing her own childhood 10.15 South East Today 10.25 BBC News 10.40 Regional News; Weather 10.50 Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo on a train.

11.20 FILM: Jersey Girl (2004) Starring Ben Affleck, Liv Tyler, Jason Biggs. Mature comedy drama in which a newly unemployed, widowed man manages to stay devoted to his baby girl.

12.55am Weatherview 1.00 Sign Zone: MasterChef 1.30 Holby City 2.30 Berlin 3.30 The Great Offices Of State 4.30 BBC News

6.00 Rick Stein’s Far Eastern Odyssey Rick Stein takes the viewer on an epic culinary journey by sea, down rivers and overland to explore the Far East’s diverse food cultures.

He begins his odyssey in Cambodia.

7.00 Top Gear Motoring news and views. Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May travel to the US to take three new generation muscle cars on an epic road trip from San Francisco to the heart of Utah.

And after the excitement of their last American road trip, this time they do their best to avoid letting a mob of angry locals pelt them with rocks.

8.00 Tropic Of Cancer Simon Reeve continues his epic journey around the world following the Tropic of Cancer.

Simon rejoins the Tropic in Egypt.

9.00 Wonders Of The Solar System See highlights.

10.00 Match Of The Day 2 The last word on the weekend’s Premier League action.

10.50 Football League Trophy Highlights Football League Trophy Highlights.

11.30 FILM: Mean Streets (1973) Starring Harvey Keitel, Robert De Niro, Amy Robinson, Richard Romanus. A graphic portrayal of life in the underworld of the Little Italy district in New York City.

1.20am FILM: The King Of Comedy (1982) 3.05 BBC News 4.30 The Super League Show

6.00 ITV News & Weather 6.15 Harry Hill’s The Best Of TV Burp Another chance to catch yesterday’s round up of the best bits form the last few series’.

6.45 Ultimate Movie Toons Dannii Minogue presents music from the best animated movies of all time. The public have been voting for their favourite songs from films such as The Lion King, Shrek, Pinocchio, Watership Down and The Jungle Book, and Dannii will count down the contenders for the top spot before revealing which song has been voted number one. There are also live performances from special guests.

7.45 Dancing On Ice Final See highlights.

10.00 ITV News & Weather 10.15 The South Bank Show Revisited: Andrew Lloyd Webber The first in a series of retrospectives focuses on Andrew Lloyd Webber as he prepares for the opening of Love Never Dies, his new musical continuing the story of The Phantom of the Opera.

11.15 Guinness Premiership Rugby Craig Doyle and Martin Bayfield present highlights from round 18 of the Guinness Premiership.

12.15am UEFA Champions League 12.40 FILM: Family Plot (1976) 2.45 Coastal Kitchen 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Embarrassing Bodies Another chance to catch Friday’s episode.

8.00 Come Dine With Me Reality series in which people compete to stage the best dinnerparty. Champagne socialite Cathy, lady-of-the-manor Vanessa, cleaner Janice and lone male Alex take turns hosting in Cheltenham. Is ‘lone male’ an occupation then?

9.00 The Restoration Man George Clarke meets people who want to restore architectural treasures.

Gareth Williams attempts to convert a disused Victorian Welsh church in Pembrokeshire into a family home.

10.00 FILM: 28 Weeks Later (2007) Starring Robert Carlyle, Rose Byrne, Jeremy Renner, Catherine McCormack, Imogen Potts. Horror sequel set seven months after the UK was devastated by a deadly pandemic that turned the population into zombie-like creatures. Having put the country into quarantine, the US Army flies in to try to salvage the remains of Britain, but they discover more disease-riddled locals to contend with than they had expected.

12.00am 4 Music: Keane: Video Exclusive 12.05 4 Music: 360 Sessions 12.40 4Play: Fionn Regan 12.55 FILM: The Commitments (1991) 2.50 Runaway 3.30 Hill Street Blues 4.25 Year Dot 4.55 Battlefront 5.25 Countdown

7.20 FILM: The One (2001) Starring Jet Li, Delroy Lindo, Jason Statham.

Sci-fi action drama about a powerhungry sheriff’s deputy on a mission to gain omnipotence. Exploiting a new technology known as quantum tunnelling, the deputy travels through parallel universes fighting other versions of himself, becoming more powerful with each slaying. The renegade’s former partner follows him through time in an attempt to stop him before he gains total power.

9.00 FILM: Chaos (2005) Starring Jason Statham, Wesley Snipes, Ryan Phillippe, Justine Waddell and Henry Czerny. Crime thriller. A veteran detective is teamed with a rookie cop when they are sent to negotiate with a bunch of criminals holding a bank hostage. It transpires that a master thief has planted a computer virus that will drain funds from the bank’s accounts. The detective faces a race against time to catch the thief. How’s your octane holding out?

11.10 FILM: Sniper 3 (2004) Starring Tom Berenger, Byron Mann, John Doman. Action sequel in which sniper Thomas Beckett is hired by NSA officials to return to Vietnam to assassinate a terrorist suspect.

12.50am SuperCasino 4.05 HouseBusters 4.30 HouseBusters 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake!

Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 2

6.00am Formula 1: The Australian Grand Prix 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Fern Britton Meets...

11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 Formula 1: The Australian Grand Prix 2.55 EastEnders 4.50 Lifeline 5.00 Songs Of Praise 5.35 BBC News 5.50 South East Today

6.00am Little Robots 6.10 Little Robots 6.20 Zigby 6.35 Brum 6.45 Pinky Dinky Doo 7.00 Arthur 7.15 Dennis & Gnasher 7.30 Spirit Warriors 8.00 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 8.35 Match Of The Day 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 On Thin Ice 12.15pm Monk 1.00 Escape To The Country 2.00 Cycling: World Track Championships 5.30 Dad’s Army

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.45 ITV News & Weather 12.00pm This Morning: Sunday 1.00 Columbo: Death Lends A Hand 2.35 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.40 Foyle’s War 5.45 Meridian News And Weather

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 The McCain Track And Field Show 7.30 Mobil 1 The Grid 8.00 GT Academy 8.25 Freesports On 4 8.55 The Hills 9.25 Friends 10.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Ultimate Traveller 1.30 Friends 2.05 T4 At Fight Cervical Cancer In Style 2.55 90210 3.45 The Simpsons 4.15 The Simpsons 4.50 Deal Or No Deal 5.35 Glee

Sky Sports 1

6.00am LIVE IRB Sevens 12.30pm Elite League Speedway Preview 1.00 LIVE Football: Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 4.00 Elite League Speedway Preview 4.30 Wild Spirits 5.00 Canter Banter 5.30 IEX Magazine 6.00 British Rally Championship 6.30 Elite League Speedway Preview 7.00 Football: Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 7.30 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 11.00 European Tour Golf 12.30am European Seniors Tour Golf 1.30 PGA Tour Golf 5.00 IEX Magazine 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am WWE Wrestlemania Preview 6.30 This Week In WWE 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 WWE Afterburn 9.00 WWE Hall Of Fame 10.00 Canter Banter 10.30 Super League 12.00pm WWE Hall Of Fame 1.00 LIVE European Tour Golf 5.00 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 5.30 WWE Special - The Best Of Raw 6.30 This Week In WWE 7.00 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 7.30 WWE Hall Of Fame 8.30 LIVE IndyCar Series 11.00 This Week In WWE 11.30 WWE Wrestlemania Preview 12.00am School Of Hard Knocks 12.30 British Rally Championship 1.00 IndyCar Series 3.30 Elite League Speedway Preview 4.00 School Of Hard Knocks 4.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Glenn Martin, DDS 1.30 Oops TV 2.00 Liza And Huey’s Pet Nation 3.00 UK Border Force 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Futurama 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 7.00 The World Wild Vet 8.00 The Simpsons (x2) 9.00 24 10.00 House 11.00 Bones 12.00am A League Of Their Own

7.00pm Formula 1: The Australian Grand Prix 8.00 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 9.00 Undercover Princesses 10.00 Heroes 10.40 Family Guy 11.05 American Dad! (x2) 11.50 Undercover Princesses 12.45am The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 1.45 The Real Hustle On Holiday

7.00pm Mediterranean Tales 7.10 FILM: In Memory Of Me (2007) 9.00 Paul Merton’s Weird And Wonderful World Of Early Cinema. See highlights.

10.00 The Thieving Headmistress 11.00 Mad Men 11.45 Paul Merton’s Weird And Wonderful World Of Early Cinema 12.45am Dear Diary

12.25pm The BRIT Awards 2010 2.30 Gossip Girl 3.35 Harry Hill’s The Best Of TV Burp 4.10 Boyzone: Life After Stephen 5.15 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button 6.20 FILM: Apollo 13 (1995) 9.00 What Katie Did Next 10.00 Married Single Other 11.00 The Vampire Diaries 12.00am Dancing On Ice Final 2.10 Supernatural

12.45pm Inspector Morse 2.50 Torvill And Dean’s Dancing On Ice: The Bolero Tour Live 3.55 FILM: Smokey And The Bandit (1977) 5.50 Sherlock Holmes - The Last Vampyre 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 11.00 Cracker 12.15am PD James: An Unsuitable Job For A Woman 2.05 Cadfael

12.20pm Roswell (x2) 2.05 Reaper 3.05 FILM: Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow (2004) 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Samantha Who? (x2) 11.55 Being Erica 12.55am Supernanny 1.50 Gok’s Fashion Fix

12.45pm Scrapheap Challenge 1.50 How Clean Is Your House? (x4) 4.40 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.30 The TV Book Club 8.00 River Cottage 9.00 The Building Inspector Is Coming 10.05 The Millionaire And The Murder Mansion 11.10 Father Ted 11.45 Black Books 12.15am The IT Crowd

11.00am New America’s Next Top Model 12.00pm FILM: Drop Dead Fred (1991) 2.00 Will And Grace 2.30 Four Weddings (x3) 5.30 Jade: A Year Without Her 7.00 Celebrity Restaurant In Our... 8.00 Most Haunted Live: Gothic Prague 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 1.00 New America’s Next Top Model

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.00pm Christianity: A History 2.00 How Do They Do It? (x2) 3.00 How It’s Made (x2) 4.00 Extreme Loggers 5.00 Mythbusters 6.00 Swords: Life On The Line 7.00 How Do They Do It? 8.00 How It’s Made (x2) 9.00 Monsters Inside Me 10.00 World’s Lost Tribes 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files

12.40pm FILM: Bicentennial Man (1999) 3.20 FILM: Polar Storm (2009) 5.10 FILM: Journey To Middle Earth (2008) 7.00 Legend Of The Seeker 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: Alien V Hunter (2007) 10.40 FILM: Bone Eater (2007) 12.20am FILM: Ogre (2008) 2.30 3rd Rock From The Sun 3.00 Sea Of Souls

12.35pm The Searchers (1956) 2.35 Ben-Hur (1959) 6.05 Around The World In 80 Days (1956) 9.00 The Searchers (1956) 11.05 A Foreign Affair (1948) 1.05am Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? (1966) 3.15 The Pawnbroker (1965) 5.15 David Copperfield (1970)

1.00pm Insomnia (1997) 2.50 Greatest Showcase On Earth 3.20 I’ve Loved You So Long (2008) 5.30 Joan Of Arc (1999) 8.10 Two Lovers (2008) 10.00 Things We Lost In The Fire (2007) 12.00am Insomnia (1997) 1.40 Bart Got A Room (2008) 3.00 I’ve Loved You So Long (2008)

11.00am The Fighting Seabees (1944) 1.00pm Vice Versa (1988) 2.50 Penny Serenade (1941) 5.10 Robots (2005) 6.55 The Truman Show (1998) 8.50 Matthew Vaughn On Kick-Ass 9.00 Stardust (2007) 11.25 Bhaji On The Beach (1993) 1.20am Town And Country (2001)

9.45am The Screening Room 10.40 Eight On The Lam (1967) 1.00pm The Voyage (1973) 3.00 Jack Frost (1998) 5.00 Rich In Love (1993) 7.00 Benny And Joon (1993) 9.00 Gorky Park (1983) 11.30 Boxcar Bertha (1972) 1.20am Ron Howard: 50 Years In Film 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 The Voyage (1973)

4.20pm Last Of The Summer Wine 5.00 Heroes Of Comedy: Hattie Jacques 6.00 Heroes Of Comedy: Mike Yarwood 7.00 One Foot In The Algarve 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley 9.55 Absolutely Fabulous 10.40 French And Saunders 11.15 Heroes Of Comedy: Hattie Jacques 12.15am Heroes Of Comedy: Mike Yarwood

1.00pm 30 Rock (x8) 5.00 Two And A Half Men (x4) 7.00 Scrubs 7.30 Samantha Who? 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 FILM: Van Wilder (2002) 10.50 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 11.20 South Park 11.50 Lee Evans Live - Different Planet Tour 1.20am Grouchy Young Men

Classics

Indie

033_LS467_TV_Mon_Latest7Mon29March.qxd 18/03/2010 16:44 Page 1

monday 29 Blood And Oil BBC2, 9pm This two-part thriller has a stellar cast, including Naomie Harris and Jodhi May. Four oil workers are kidnapped from an oil installation in a remote part of the Niger Delta in Nigeria. One is Brit Mark Unwin. His wife, Claire, is reassured that his release will be a formality, but she travels to Nigeria to make sure…

Justin Lee Collins: Good Times Five, 10pm Trailers for this have been on for weeks, so it had better be blimmin’ fantastic. Filmed in front of a live audience at south London’s Rivoli Ballroom, the opening show features music from Florence And The Machine, and a chat with Irish movie star Cillian Murphy. Lovely eyes.

Glee E4, 9pm It’s the mid-season break, so time to shape up and take in all the wonderful things they’ve done so far. It’s alright, it’s not like Friends where that means a montage of flashbacks. The sectional and regional contests are drawing closer, so originality is the key.

And you can bet Sue Sylvester will be around every corner too.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24/7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Dirtgirlworld 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.45 Shaun The Sheep 3.50 Muddle Earth 4.05 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 4.35 M.I. High 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Bang Goes The Theory Liz, Dallas and Jem take on more experiments and challenges.

8.00 EastEnders As events in the Vic reach their shocking climax, Whitney realises that Billie Jackson is in way over his head. Meanwhile, Jack and Chelsea get spicy in the Argee Bhajee. Lovin’ the name. Still.

8.30 Panorama Vigorous investigation of a topical issue.

Sounds quite energetic.

9.00 Crimewatch Series of dramatised reconstructions and police appeals for help in solving crimes.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Crimewatch Update Updates on the cases featured in Crimewatch.

Don’t have nightmares.

10.45 The World’s Strictest Parents Wayward British teenagers experience strict parenting on the other side of the world, as Hannah and James travel to Utah, USA. For a week they must live under the strict rules of the God-fearing Peck family.

11.25 Late Kick Off Foot-baaaaallll!

11.55 Late Kick Off More of it.

12.15am FILM: Below (2002) 1.50 Weatherview 1.55 Sign Zone: MasterChef 2.55 How Earth Made Us 3.55 The Great Offices Of State 4.55 BBC News

BBC2

6.00 – 6.30am Children’s television 6.30 Wibbly Pig 6.40 Pinky Dinky Doo 7.00 Green Balloon Scrapbook 7.25 Finley The Fire Engine 7.35 Kerwhizz 8.00 Dead Gorgeous 8.25 Angus And Cheryl 8.30 Copycats 9.00 Planet Ajay 9.30 The Slammer 10.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 10.30 Prank Patrol 11.00 Horrible Histories 11.30 Castle In The Country 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Open Gardens 1.30 Car Booty 2.15 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Antiques Road Trip Philip Serrell and Charles Hanson head to their final auction in Exeter.

7.00 Seven Ages Of Britain The story of the British Empire from 1750 to 1900, revealed through its art and treasures. David Dimbleby travels through Britain, America and India, tracing the descent from adventure and inspiration into moral bankruptcy.

8.00 University Challenge In the second semi-final the students representing Emmanuel College, Cambridge do battle with Manchester University for a place in the final.

Jeremy Paxman asks the questions.

8.30 Raymond Blanc’s Kitchen Secrets Legendary chef Raymond Blanc welcomes the cameras into his kitchen to share his cooking secrets.

9.00 Blood And Oil See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman.

11.20 Newswipe With Charlie Brooker Compilation of the best bits from this and the previous series of caustic commentary, satirical observations and laughs from Charlie Brooker.

11.50 Inside John Lewis Repeat.

12.50am Tropic Of Cancer 1.50 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision: Spanish

ITV1

Channel 4

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Paddy attempts to hide his injuries. John and Moira disagree over how to punish Holly.

Any suggestions should probably be sent to Social Servies. What are you doing suggesting punishments?!

7.30 Coronation Street Will grieving Tina accept Jason’s proposal? Aadi is left in danger after Dev’s family day out. Div Dev. 8.00 Countrywise A brand new series bringing you the best of Britain’s coast and country.

8.30 Coronation Street Jason and David seek tough revenge on Nick after Tina’s revelation.

9.00 Married Single Other Last in the series. Events take an unexpected turn, as Babs and Gina move in to Lillie and Eddie’s house with the McCabe family. Meanwhile Dickie and Babs grow further apart, while Clint and Abbey struggle to keep their relationship on the path of true love.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005) Starring Steve Carell, Catherine Keener, Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen. Comedy. When a 40-year-old electronics store worker’s colleagues find out that he is still a virgin, they set about matchmaking.

12.45am In Plain Sight 1.30 Loose Women 2.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Sasha is distraught after another girl is attacked.

Malachy devises a plan to make money out of Mercedes.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Ask The Chancellors Alistair Darling, George Osborne and Vince Cable, would-be chancellors from the three major political parties, debate with each other and face questions from a studio audience and presenter Krishnan Guru-Murthy.

9.00 The Secret Millionaire Series in which a millionaire goes undercover in a deprived area. David Jamilly travels to Redcar on Teesside, where hundreds of jobs are being threatened by the partial mothballing of the local steel plant.

10.35 The Good Wife Legal drama series about a woman who returns to her job as a defence attorney to support her family after her husband is jailed. Julia investigates whether a judge was racist when sending a child to a detention facility.

11.30 FILM: The Escapist (2008) Starring Brian Cox, Joseph Fiennes, Liam Cunningham, Seu Jorge, Dominic Cooper and Steven Mackintosh. British prison break thriller.

1.25am FILM: Bamboozled (2000) 3.35 Runaway 4.15 St Elsewhere 5.00 Year Dot 5.30 Lifeproof TV

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.50 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.20 Frasier 8.50 Coach Trip 9.20 Hollyoaks Music Show 9.55 Friends 10.25 Friends 10.55 Pixie Lott’s Sexy Pop Top 10 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Location, Location, Location 1.05 FILM: Merrill’s Marauders (1962) 2.55 The TV Book Club 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00 – 8.15`am Children’s television 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 9.10 Hana’s Helpline 9.20 Olivia 9.30 The Mr. Men Show 9.45 Build A New Life In The Country 10.45 The Hotel Inspector 11.45 CSI: NY 12.40pm Five News 12.45 CSI: NY 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.05 FILM: NYC: Tornado Terror (2008) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Gina boots Xavier out after he has another violent outburst. Marilyn pays Alf a surprise visit. The amnesiac found by Marilyn turns out to be Aden’s estranged brother, Justin. We all have one of those, don’t we?

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright and Kate Walsh.

7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn discovers how firefighters train for their most hazardous jobs.

Can oyu guess what they are?

8.00 The Gadget Show Consumer technology show. Suzi and Ortis find out whether kitchen gadgets can elevate them to the level of top chefs, while Ortis ropes in pop pin-up Craig David to test out the latest console karaoke games. He he. Will he be in tune pre-mixed?

9.00 FlashForward Aaron delves deeper into why the black-ops Jericho unit is hunting his daughter.

10.00 Justin Lee Collins: Good Times See highlights.

11.00 FILM: The Cable Guy (1996) Starring Jim Carrey, Matthew Broderick, Leslie Mann, George Segal. Dark comic satire about a man whose life is taken over by a psychotic cable TV installer who is determined to become his best friend.

12.50am SuperCasino 4.00 The FBI Files 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 Football: Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 11.30 Spanish Football 1.30pm UEFA Champions League Weekly 2.00 Football: Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 2.30 Ford Football Special 4.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.30 Football: Johnstone’s Paint Trophy 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.30 SPL Round-Up 7.00 Netbusters 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.15 Time Of Our Lives 11.15 A League Of Their Own 11.45 Netbusters 12.15am SPL Round-Up 1.45 Football League: Championship 3.15 Netbusters 3.45 Sports Unlimited 4.45 Watersports World 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 PGA Tour Golf 11.30 European Tour Golf 1.00pm European Seniors Tour Golf 2.00 Elite League Speedway Preview 2.30 Friday Fight Night 4.30 IRB Sevens 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 IRB Sevens 12.30am Boots ‘n’ All - The Tries 1.30 European Tour Golf 2.30 PGA Tour Golf 3.30 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 5.00 PGA Tour Classic

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Canter Banter 6.30 Super League 8.00 The Super 14 Show 10.00 Premiership Rugby Union 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Super League 1.30 Canter Banter 2.00 Tennis: ATP Masters 4.00 LIVE Tennis: ATP Masters 12.00am WWE Late Night Afterburn 1.00 WWE NXT 2.00 LIVE WWE: Late Night Raw 4.15 Snow Ride 4.45 Wild Spirits 5.15 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser: Australia (x2) 1.00 Cold Case 2.00 A Town Called Eureka (x2) 4.00 Brainiac: Science Abuse 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Body Language Secrets 9.00 House 10.00 NCIS: LA 11.00 24 12.00am School Of Hard Knocks

7.00pm The Real Hustle On Holiday (x2) 8.00 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Undercover Princesses 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Scallywagga 12.45 Gavin And Stacey 1.15 Russell Howard’s Good News

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Paul Merton’s Weird And Wonderful World Of Early Cinema 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Panorama: Elections 10.00 The Secretary Who Stole Four Million Pounds 11.30 Only Connect 12.00am Panorama: Elections 1.00 Dear Diary 2.00 BBC Proms 2009: Birtwistle’s Mask Of Orpheus

3.40pm Loose Women 4.40 Judge Judy 5.00 American Idol: 11 Finalists 7.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 8.00 Harry Hill’s The Best Of TV Burp 8.30 Grimefighters 9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen USA 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.45 FILM: The Break-Up (2006) 12.55am Coronation Street (x2) 1.55 Emmerdale

3.55pm Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 Drama Trails 5.10 On The Buses 5.40 Heartbeat 6.45 Born And Bred 7.55 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Joan Collins Uncut: Piers Morgan’s Life Stories 10.30 Rising Damp 11.00 The Bill: The Truth Will Out 12.05am Sherlock Holmes The Last Vampyre

2.35pm Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Glee (x2) 6.00 Friends (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Glee. See highlights. 10.00 The Cleveland Show 10.30 King Of The Hill 11.00 FILM: Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow (2004) 1.00am How I Met Your Mother

2.50pm Coach Trip 3.20 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs 8.30 Unreported World 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.10 Without A Trace 12.10am Brothers And Sisters

2.00pm Four Weddings 2.30 Nothing To Declare 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Australia’s Next Top Model 9.00 Four Weddings 10.00 New America’s Next Top Model 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Weaponology 3.00 World War II: The Complete History 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Extreme Engineering 6.00 Deadliest Catch: Lobstermen 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Mythbusters 10.00 American Chopper 11.00 Bear’s Essentials 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)

1.30pm FILM: The Dead Will Tell (2004) 3.10 FILM: Landslide (2004) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.10 FILM: Fire From Below (2009) 10.00 FILM: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995) 12.00am FILM: Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business (1998) 1.50 Buffy The Vampire Slayer 3.00 Sea Of Souls

1.25pm Spellbound (1945) 3.25 Notorious (1946) 5.15 Rear Window (1954) 7.15 The Producers (1968) 9.00 The Wild Bunch (1969) 11.30 Romanoff & Juliet (1961) 1.25am Louisiana Purchase (1941) 3.15 Dante’s Inferno (1935) 4.50 The Producers (1968)

1.05pm The Diving Bell And The Butterfly (2007) 3.05 Margot At The Wedding (2007) 4.45 Hero (2002) 6.30 Badlands (1973) 8.15 Adulthood (2008) 10.00 The Savages (2007) 12.00am Hero (2002) 1.45 Margot At The Wedding (2007) 3.20 The Diving Bell And The Butterfly (2007)

11.00am The Raid (1954) 12.40pm Storm Over The Nile (1955) 2.45 Seven Days To Noon (1950) 4.35 Gunfight At The OK Corral (1957) 6.55 Big Momma’s House 2 (2006) 8.50 HappyGo-Lucky Special 9.00 Happy-Go-Lucky (2008) 11.20 Faintheart (2008) 1.05am The Luzhin Defence (1999)

10.55am Benny And Joon (1993) 1.00pm Vera Cruz (1954) 3.00 The Private Life Of Sherlock Holmes (1970) 5.45 The Trials Of Oscar Wilde (1960) 8.15 The Screening Room 9.00 Band Of Brothers 9.55 Band Of Brothers 11.15 Point Blank (1967) 1.05am Band Of Brothers 2.00 Band Of Brothers 3.00 Teleshopping

3.40pm My Family 4.20 As Time Goes By 5.05 The Vicar Of Dibley 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Steptoe And Son 8.00 One Foot In The Grave 8.40 Dinnerladies 9.20 Blackadder The Third 10.00 Only Fools And Horses 11.10 French And Saunders 11.45 Hippies 12.25am Blackadder The Third

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 10.30 South Park 11.00 Sex And The City (x2) 12.10am Two And A Half Men (x2) 1.10 Scrubs

Classics

Indie