Latest Seven 466: 16-22 Mar

001_LS466_cover_001_LS466_cover 11/03/2010 16:40 Page 1

the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

RORY BREMNER

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★

The Election Battlebus rolls into town p11

16 –22 March 2010

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BEAUTY SECRETS Get your body ready for the beach at the Hove spa LIFE BEGINS AT 70 A fresh take on city life with new columnist Ruby BRIGHTON FRINGE The 2010 brochure hits the streets

Pastures new A weekend of relaxed fun at Meadowlands Festival in the heart of rural Sussex page 19

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welcome

L7 CONTENTS 4 Social Diary National Student Pride and the Freespirit fashion show 5 City Speak Will has a surprise snog; Tash lays into all films ever; and new columnist Ruby recalls her time in court 6 News Beach wheelchairs arrive; plus Councillor Mary Mears on supporting local shops against big supermarkets 6 Latest Inbox Readers’ letters, emails and web comments 7 Bookings Simply Red, Mark Watson, The Hawth’s new season 7 Competitions Win Paranormal Activity and The Good Life DVDs 7 Latest Brighton Download Chart Who’s at number one this week?

8 Snap Shots Meet Nick Stockman of the Brighton Fringe 9 Celebcity Paul McCartney, Zoe Ball, Ronan Keating, Katie Price 10 Bare Cheek & Astral Angi The Bare Cheek Nude Celebrity Challenge; plus Astral offers ways to fight boredom

Picture: Keith Trigwell

04 NEWS & COMMENT

23

L7 Don’t miss...

11 L7 INTERVIEW ©Kármán Balázs and Novák László/Wild Planet

As he embarks on an intimate, interactive tour of the UK’s marginal constituencies, impressionist Rory Bremner talks about conceiving while dressed as Blair, the tragedy of Brown, politics’ new wave of bland... and the hippos in his garden

13 LIFESTYLE 13 Beauty Secrets Try the Universal Contour Wrap at the Hove salon 14 Hotlist Where to eat, drink and watch the world go by 15 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink Succulent duck, Cajun spiced salmon and homemade ice cream at country restaurant Baloos

16 WHAT’S ON 16 Brighton Fringe The iFringe app, the Freerange dome and other news 17 Stage Travelling rep company Creative Cow, plus Wilde in Worthing 18 Clubs Extra-terrestrial techno from Eat Static at Concorde 2 19 Music Meadowlands Festival brings new music to Glynde Place 20 Events Help set a hula hooping world record for Sport Relief!

20 Art Wild Planet exhibition launches on the seafront 21 Film Shutter Island and The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo 22 Comedy New night The Humble Quest For A Universal Genius 22 Gay Get Some: the dawn of a new Thursgay?

23 Reviews Kate Nash, Rosamund Pike in Hedda Gabler, Mika 24 Sport Marathon Mary hits a psychological wall. Ow 24 TV Telly Talk suffers a memory lapse over FastForward; plus your seven-day guide to what’s on the box

With Beachdown, Loop and White Air suspended, Sussex’s festival season was looking a little bleak, that is to say completely non-existent. So we’re glad to hear that the team behind Meadowlands, a music weekender taking place at Glynde Place in Lewes this May, are in it for the long term. “Brighton deserves an event that has longevity,” explains one of the organisers in this week’s Music section. And when the event in question involves programming local bands and interesting international acts in the grounds of an Elizabethan Manor, there’s every reason to hope they’ll succeed.

Brighton has always been a bit of a Bermuda Triangle when it comes to music festivals; strange, because a toilet circuit stop-off we most definitely are not. This week we review two small gigs that produced a very big buzz: Kate Nash’s comeback at Komedia, and James McCartney’s Audio gig, attended by Macca himself.

With the general election looming, we can think of no better guide than Rory Bremner, whose Election Battlebus pulls into town next Tuesday. In this week’s L7 Interview, the impressionist discusses everything from the Iraq war to his family’s colourful history, and explains why there’s a big polar bear next to his front door.

New columnist Ruby Grimshaw is the sort of person you can imagine having a big polar bear next to her front door. A 70-year-old Brightonian who enjoys belly dancing, galloping about on horses and pinching HobNobs from blood clinics (we’re simplifying a little here, but she is a selfconfessed “OAP with attitude”), Ruby takes up weekly residence in City Speak.

Computer just crashed like ours? See our ultra handy Computer Services feature (p 17 Latest Homes) for solutions to all your IT irritations.

Bella Todd, Latest 7 Editor

Wild Planet Until 26 September King’s Road, Brighton seafront Showcasing breathtaking images from past Wildlife Photographer of the Year competitions in partnership with the Natural History Museum, Wild Planet is a free outdoor exhibition set to dominate the seafront this summer before heading off on a UK tour.

Latest on You can now follow Latest 7 and Latest Homes on Twitter.

Sign up to your favourite sections and columnists to keep up to date with local entertainments stories, restaurant openings, health and beauty offers, celebrity gossip, property news and more. www.thelatest.co.uk/7/twitter

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Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive

Production Editor Victoria Nangle Latest 7 Editor Bella Todd Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker Sub Editors Melina Greenfield Rachel Junior Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Staff Writers Nick Aldwinckle (Music) Jaime Pettit (Clubs)

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Editorial Assistant Gabriele Barysaite Design Kieran Hood Steve Sawyer Andrew Wright Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Sales Director Lynne Edwards Administration Claire Peerless

01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

SUFFERING FROM PAIN? CURIOUS IF ACUPUNCTURE CAN HELP? Join us on Tuesday 23 March at 7.30pm for a FREE talk on acupuncture as a form of pain relief.

Presented by Dr Peter Helps, Andrew Flower PhD & Liz Evans.

Practioners will be available after the talk for individual questions To be held at: AVICENNA Centre for Chinese Medicine, 98 The Drive, Hove, BN3 6GP

Places are limited.

To book a place call the clinic at 01273 776499 or email liz@avicenna.co.uk WWW.AVICENNA.CO.UK

004_LS466_Social Diary_000_LS466_Social Diary 12/03/2010 11:17 Page 2

04

SOCIAL DIARY Patrick Kneath

Latest diary Tim Richardson snaps National Student Pride and a fashion show at the refurbed Freespirit Loud and proud National Student Pride returned to Brighton for the second year on Saturday 6 March, with a spectacular weekend of celebrations. The daytime event at Oceana was officially opened by the Mayor of Brighton and Hove, Ann Norman, and included two discussion panels featuring Green Party Leader Caroline Lucas, Peter Tatchell, MP Des Turner and Shadow Minister Nick Herbert. At the big night event at Coalition, the audience went wild when Ronan Keating made a surprise stage appearance (see Celebcity p 9).

The Freespirit team and models

Spirit of the street Freespirit reopened following a refit with a new urban chic style and musicinspired city fashion on Saturday 6 March. The shop on North Street is now selling brands such as Ringspun, Vero Moda and Jack Jones. To celebrate they held a fashion show to showcase their exciting new stock, and offered 20% off everything on the day. There are plans to make this a regular event with live bands, so watch this space.

Mayor Ann Norman – Officially opening the Day Festival

Jess Grindley, Charley Fryatt

Yeah? - Official Media Sponsor for National Student Pride (www.joinyeah.com)

Danny Lyle, Jon Nicholls, Joshua Naden

005_LS466_Cityspeak_005_LS466_Cityspeak 12/03/2010 15:42 Page 1

CITY SPEAK 05

Life begins at 70

Teen Spirit

Ruby Grimshaw on the lost art of the court logger

Tasha Dhanraj rejects the celluloid rites of passage

L

don’t like films. I’m aware that most people would say that I can’t say I don’t like all films because there are many different genres. But I can. Films are long. I am short. There was never going to be a happy relationship between us.

There are at least ten things I hate about every film. With any film I’ve ever seen, I got bored within about 15 minutes, wondered whether this was as good as it gets, and then felt relieved once it reached the end. I might have laughed or cried, but I definitely would have thought about how I could have used those 93 minutes to carefully prepare and consume a nice steak.

Some films for teenagers are supposed to be rites of passage.

I’m sorry, but who is so insecure about their maturity that they need to watch a film to feel that they have grown up? Forget debutante balls, bar mitzvahs and the Chinese Guan Li – have you seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? No!?

Then how can you ever be considered a man?

I watched that film when I was 10. I definitely did not feel more adult. I remember thinking, ‘well his parents aren’t doing a very good job’, then turning the channel to Nickelodeon to watch the rest of Sabrina, The Teenage Witch. People always put far too much weight and meaning onto films. If they really do affect you that much then your emotions are too unstable.

I’ve realised that if you can get

ast year I was told I was part was concluding his long closing of a threatened species. Now I speech and I was trying not to nod am extinct. I was a logger. (No, off. Suddenly there was a loud buzz not one of those hunky Canadians by my feet. The jury immediately sat with massive thigh muscles. I hope up and every one in court stared at they are not threatened.) Think me. A second, louder squeak came more court scene in an old black from my hand bag. “Well?” The tone and white movie. Below the judge from behind was sarcastic. “Whose sits a woman with horn-rimmed mobile is it?” I turned, humiliated. spectacles, hair in a bun, typing “Mine, your honour. I’m sorry.” I frantically. That is the logger. received a disparaging stare.

The modern equivalent is, or was, Another day the prosecution was someone who tapes the proceedings struggling to describe the part of the and writes short notes to correlate thumb where her client had been with the recording. When I first injured. I could bear it no longer. (I started I was overawed by the Crown was a physiotherapist). “It’s the Courts, terrified that I would forget to distal phalanx of the pollex, your load the next tape or honour,” I said forget to say ‘your helpfully. This “Sometimes I honour’ if the judge time the look was spoke to me. This withering. was highly unlikely, became so So now the as the logger was logging is done by interested in the lowest in the computer. It must hierarchy of the dramas that I would be less court. I was torn entertaining for forget to log” between the terror the transcribers of a barrister asking without my little me a question, and indignation at comments in brackets, eg. ‘One of hearing the clerk say, "she won’t the jury has fallen asleep,’ or ‘The know. She’s only the logger”. two defendants are trying to punch I soon began to enjoy myself. each other.’

Sometimes I became so interested in I miss the feeling of being part of the dramas that I would forget to log. a soap opera – even if it was The language was often a little sometimes more Dad’s Army than shocking, but nothing ever fazed the Law And Order. To stop my judge. “Speak up! Did you say he withdrawal symptoms I think I shall called you a f****** c***?” visit the spectator’s gallery at Hove Spectators were not exempt. “This Crown Court. I can see it now. “This is is not a community centre! Stop not a cafe! Remove that elderly whispering or leave the court!” woman and her vacuum flask!”

One warm afternoon the defence Yes, your honour. Just going.

I

“Forget debutante balls, bar mitzvahs and the Chinese Guan Li – have you seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?” a friend to give you a summary of any film, then you can fool the rest of the world into believing you have actually seen it. Everyone gets so bored in films that they never remember a picture perfect version of any film. That way, you can still seem knowledgeable about films without going through the torture of watching one.

According to Facebook, my favourite films include Donnie Darko, The Breakfast Club and Willard. I thought they weren’t too long, but I think it’s mainly because of what I was eating at the point of watching. I am likely to like anything if I’ve got nice food. I like popcorn. I like Maltesers. If I need to be watching a film to justify mixing them together then you can bet that I will.

The key to releasing everyone from the tight grip of deluded appreciation of films is to sell popcorn and Malteasers together.

Until then, I fear I may remain the only enlightened one.

Are you a fellow former logger or film hater? What’s the strangest place you’ve been kissed? comment@thelatest.co.uk the bullet spray of words that followed me like a fanfare during my childhood on these streets. What I hadn’t expected was for a total stranger to launch himself at me and start kissing me with a ferocity rarely seen outside of Mills & Boon novels. At least now I understand where the rest of his teeth went.

When finally we disengage, I am too shocked to do anything. H is too Will Harris gets some; in Dominos Pizza shocked to do anything. The entire staff of Dominos Pizza is too shocked to do anything. I’m serious. They literally stop making pizzas. You could hear a pepperoni drop. n hindsight, I think there are three reasons I find “Are you a hugger mugger?” I ask, eventually. myself being snogged by a chav in the Coventry “What I hadn’t expected Then the door to the takeaway bangs open and branch of Dominos Pizza. First, I’m still in those a young woman stumbles in, mascara streaming was for a total stranger to start grey, post break up doldrums and am willing to down her face like warpaint. That’s when I realise, consider anything that might shock me back to this West Side Story my Riff already has a kissing me with a ferocity rarely inMaria; glorious technicolor. Second, I watched West Side a dumpy, many-earringed Maria, blotto on Story last night and my brain is now full of vodka and glue. seen outside of Mills & Boon” romanticised notions about men from the wrong “Not this again!” she wails, launching herself side of the tracks. And third, I’ve had five pints of at my unlikely leading man and clawing cat-like festival-strength pear cider. Plus, in my defence, at his collar. In seeking a diversion from my he does have the element of surprise. heartbreak, it seems I’ve inadvertently stumbled right into When my Kappa-clad bad boy – half Danny Dyer, half a set of someone else’s. Across the room, I see H clinging on to teeth – first approached the spot where H and I are waiting for her potato wedges for dear life. our Mighty Meaty, I automatically assumed I was about to find As we bundle out through the door and myself at the gay end of a gay-bashing. We are in the wild into the precinct, pizza boxes hot against West Midlands, after all, where people of my bent are not so our chests, I realise we’re laughing. I’m much glad to be gay as they are to make it through each laughing. And just like that, beside that grey successive day without being burnt alive in an enormous row of shops in that greyest of cities, for the first wicker armature. time in weeks I feel my colour begin to rise.

So all the time he was shaking our hands, asking our names and saying how smart I looked in my winterwear, inwardly I was bracing myself for the inevitable curl of the lip and follow me on twitter latestwill

William Tells

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006_LS466_newsphil-Council_000_LS466_newsphil/Council 12/03/2010 15:20 Page 2

06 LATEST NEWS

L7 News

7

latest inbox comment@thelatest.co.uk

days of headlines with Phil Mills

Beach wheelchairs arrive, teens attack shop, and local kids have a ball (16,000, actually) SNAP

A

t long last, the sun has returned! – and with it the weird and wonderful, with a week of record-breaking achievements and unconventional ways of keeping healthy.

New record-holder Daren Terry, 41, is a hairdresser who cut hair for 26 hours non-stop to raise money for a charity. The record, which smashed its runner-up time by two hours, saw 40 customers facing the snip at his salon in Bognor Regis. “I hope to double my record in Las Vegas next year. We are talking to some of the top hotels over there,” Mr Terry said.

On the subject of good deeds, free-to-rent, innovative ‘all terrain’ wheelchairs have been made available on Brighton beach. The two chairs have been fitted with four inflatable tyres designed to roll on shingle, and can be adjusted to suit different people’s posture needs. The chairs, available for collection from the council’s seafront office at 141 King’s Road Arches, even come equipped with an umbrella.

Cabinet member for children and young people, Councillor Vanessa Brown said: “These special wheelchairs will make a big difference for a lot of families who haven’t previously been able to go out and fully enjoy our wonderful seafront together.”

Good deeds keep everyone smiling but it’s a shame not all of us follow suit. On Wednesday, two teenagers were arrested after stealing cigarettes from a convenience store on Preston Drove and brutally attacking the owner.

The youths, aged 13 and 15, entered Preston Foods at 8.45am SNAP

and were chased out of the store by the 30 year old after challenging them. The pair then stabbed him, causing minor injuries, and were arrested shortly after on suspicion of GBH and robbery.

Meanwhile, a hotel was evacuated on Sunday after a washing machine caught fire.

Firefighters, who were called to the Hotel Metropole on King’s Road at 11pm, were able to deal with the incident within 15 minutes. Towels ignited after the machine’s drum got stuck, it is believed.

On a decidedly bouncier note, a street in Hollingbury was transformed into a festival of colour after children unleashed 16,000 coloured rubber balls down hilly Hertford Road. The stunt, simply named Avalanche, was inspired by the famous Sony advert, and aimed to promote awareness of the Brighton and Hove Children’s Festival next month.

Call me old fashioned, but allowing youngsters to run harebrained down the middle of a usually crowded road seems a touch on the irresponsible side, even if it was pedestrianised for the afternoon. I’m all for the festival and its methods of channelling cultural and sporting awareness to the younger ages, but the street is no playground.

Enough of my ranting, though; bring on the festival’s bike games, the creative workshops and dinnerin-the-dark this April. Perhaps it’s about time we all took cues from the young and the young-at-heart.

What do you think of the new beach wheelchairs?

comment@thelatest.co.uk follow me on twitter

Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on protecting local traders

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f there is one subject that is guaranteed to get people animated and engaged at the moment it is the growing influence of the major supermarket chains on our town and city centres. This is particularly so in Brighton and Hove, which is highly valued by residents and visitors for the sheer number and diversity of independent retailers that make it such a popular place for people to come and shop.

So, I must admit to giving a small cheer when I read last week of the decision by North Norfolk District Council to reject an application by Tesco

to build a supermarket in the centre of Sheringham (a small town on the North Sea coast) because, amongst other things, they felt it would harm the local independent traders.

Now, I would be the first to recognise the benefits that the Tescos and Sainsburys of this world have brought to consumers over the years in terms of improved choice and value for money. However, I, along with a great many of my fellow councillors, am becoming increasingly frustrated with the growing influence that they are exerting in Brighton and Hove.

For example, we are seeing an increasing number of smaller ‘Express’ style stores popping up across the city which invariably apply for late licenses to sell alcohol. Well, in common with many towns and

[re ‘Does the A27 Brighton Bypass need a spring clean?’, News, L7 463] Dear Phil, as a regular car driver along the Brighton by-pass from the Hangleton link intersection through to Hastings, during the last eight years I have noticed the increasing volume of rubbish lining the Brighton Bypass, especially in the last two to three years, and mainly between Hangleton and the Beddingham roundabout. I believe the worst culprits are the container lorries that transport household rubbish from council waste sites in Brighton, Hove and Shoreham.

These lorries should, in theory, have nets stretched across the top of the containers to prevent rubbish being sucked out during transit but it is obvious these nets are not always fitted or are fitted incorrectly. The increasing volume of rubbish appearing along the Brighton Byass is either caused by more litter generally or the Highways Agency has cut back to save money. Employing people who are subject to Community Service orders is certainly a good idea but my guess is that this work is considered much too dangerous!

Urgent action needs to be taken to tackle this unsightly mess.

Mike, by email When are we going to hear more from your 70-year-old columnist?

I loved reading about her escapades at the blood doning clinic, so funny and so refreshing!

Laura Davies, by email Good news, Laura: Ruby Grimshaw begins a weekly column for Latest 7 on p 5. Enjoy!

You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

latest7news

cities across the country we have a real problem with alcohol-related health problems and anti-social behaviour and in my opinion, the last thing we should be doing is making it easier for people to get hold of cheap (and strong) drink.

Unfortunately, our licensing powers as a local authority are not sufficient to prevent them from doing this – which is another story altogether!

I am not on a crusade against the ‘big four’ supermarkets but what I do want to do is to ensure that our many small independent traders are able to compete with them on a level playing field. This is a bit of a David Vs Goliath situation but I strongly believe that, for our continued economic prosperity, we mustn’t allow Brighton and Hove to develop into just another clone town.

007_LS466_Bookings-Comps-chart_007_LS466_Bookings/Comps/chart 12/03/2010 15:30 Page 1

BOOKINGS | COMPETITIONS | CHART 07

L7 Bookings

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

On sale this week…

8

The Proclaimers

ROBOTS IN DISGUISE Digital, 8 April, £10, 0844 999 6101, www.yourfutureisdigital.com Body-paint loving, funk-punk electro duo and sometime guest stars of The Mighty Boosh, for whom Noel Fielding has been known to play bass.

HAWTH SPRING/SUMMER SEASON The Hawth, Crawley, 01293 553636, www.hawth.co.uk Highlights of the new Hawth season include Bradley Walsh of Coronation Street’s stand-up show (16 June, £22), Chickenshed’s new hardhitting dance-theatre piece Crime Of The Century (17 June, £13), and five outdoor shows – James And The Giant Peach (3 June), Robin Hood (21 August), Great Expectations (24 June), Romeo And Juliet (6 July) and Pride And Prejudice (20 July), all £11. Big gigs include Eric Bibb (4 May, £20.50) and The Proclaimers (10 June, £22.50).

SIMPLY RED Brighton Centre, 10 July, £40-£45, 0844 8471515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk Mick Hucknall and co arrive on their ‘farewell’ tour, following the release of love songs compilation Songs Of Love (natch) last month.

5 Mr Resonate – The Road To 2012 Vol. 5

HMS PINAFORE The Hawth, 14 June, £18, 01293 553636, www.hawth.co.uk Operetta company Opera della Luna present their acclaimed production of Gilbert and Sullivan’s comic opera.

LATIN FEVER Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 5 June, £24.50-£36, 01273 709 709, www.brightondome.org Darren Bennett and Lilia Kopylova of Strictly Come Dancing semi-fame will be joined by Latin American dancing duos and a live band and singers for this journey from the Rio Carnival, through the clubs of Buenos Aires, to the American dance halls of the ’30s and the Spanish bull ring.

POP PRINCESSES 2010 CD AND DVDS With new tracks from Lady GaGa, The Sundays and Pixie Lott, plus a bonus DVD of all the videos,

6 Harper Ash – China Girl 7 Panos Christofi – In My Mind

8 No Sharp Objects – Home 9 Panos Christofi – I’ll Never Know 10 Chaos Borne – Watching Pop singer-songwriter Jaybee slides to number two in this week’s chart, after gaining last week’s top spot with his oriental-flavoured ‘The Wild Wild East’. In Jaybee’s place, leaping up the chart to number one, we have downbeat troubadour Harper Ash with his Tom McRae-ish acoustic ballad ‘Star’. Meanwhile, Tenek’s cyber-pop sounds submit, sliding to three, rockers No Sharp Objects remain at four, albeit with a different track to last week, and rapper Mr Resonate’s former number one, political rant ‘The Road To 2012’ takes five.

11 Harper Ash Dragonfly 12 The Last Cry Rebekka 13 Jaybee Cowboys Blues 14 The Dilators You Got the Gun 15 Jaybee Brokeback Mountain

WIN!

It’s been 35 years since Tom (Richard Briers) and Barbara Good(Felicity Kendal) went selfsufficient... in suburban Surbiton. The first series is released on DVD by Acorn Media on 29 March, and we have three copies to giveaway.

Q Turnips are which type of vegetable?

3 Tenek – Submission 4 No Sharp Objects – The Wrong Kind of Love

COMPETITIONS

THE GOOD LIFE 35TH ANNIVERSARY DVD

2 Jaybee – The Wild Wild East

Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 20 October, £16.50, 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org Pitched as the comedian’s most personal and surprising show to date, Mark Watson’s latest set takes in a rant about tourism, an obsession with Derren Brown, thoughts on fatherhood and a dissection of the phenomenon of confidence.

Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 13 April, £29.50, 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org Britain’s ‘First Lady of song’ (sorry to quote the Daily Mail) tours following the release on 30 March of latest album This Charming Life. Known for her rhythmic acoustic playing as much as her vintage ballads, she recently made a series for BBC Radio 4 about her favourite guitarists.

When things start to go bump in the night, a couple set up a ghoul-buster to uncover the sinister shenanigans. Win the horror on Blu-ray.

Q Which late actor starred in the film Ghost?

1 Harper Ash– Star

MARK WATSON

JOAN ARMATRADING

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY ON BLU-RAY

TOP 10

Latest Brighton Download Chart

this new compilation is royally good.

Q Lady Gaga sang about a Poker what?

FIFI AND THE FLOWERTOTS CDS Rock With The Tots CD is packed with party songs, story scenes, games and sing-a-long videos from the magical Flowertot Garden.

Q What kind of insect is Fifi’s friend Bumble?

TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN, EMAIL: competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the Competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email.

Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date is Monday 29 March.

16 The Wolfgirl Liberation The Company Of Wolves

22 The Mojo Fins Meet Me At The Pictures 23 Panos Christofi If You Do What You Always Do...

24 Satta Untitled 25 Chaos Borne I Will 26 The Woo!worths Idle Hands 27 Panos Christofi Only The Night

17 The Wolfgirl Liberation Tuesday

28 Thin Boy Ken It’s BLOBBY Time Again

18 NDE I Got A Feeling

29 Last Days Of Lorca Big Green Parcel Machine

19 Tenek If I Should Fall 20 Tenek State Of Mind 21 Chaos Borne The Moment

30 Stuart Newman Head Hurts

SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos

SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC AND VIDEOS www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

008_LS466_Snap Shots_000_LS466_Snap Shots 12/03/2010 15:15 Page 2

08 SNAP SHOTS

the place for parties atmospheric, affordable, available friday & saturday nights – or any night

Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: Nick Stockman of the Brighton Fringe

“

The Brighton Fringe is my favourite time of the year: it’s what the city is all about. I like the way the anticipation builds up throughout the year until it reaches a crescendo in May. One of our new Fringe venues this year is The Marwood, a new café in the Lanes and one of my favourites. It’s very quirky, bohemian and funky and during the Fringe it’ll be hosting an interactive show called The Deadly Sins of Palilalia that sounds pretty amazing

”

Nick Stockman, pictured having breakfast at new Fringe venue the Marwood Café on Ship Street, is executive manager of the Brighton Fringe. He is just entering the busiest three months of his year – during the 25 days of the Fringe Festival, which lasts from May 123, he will be working every night. Visit www.brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk, and see p 16 for more Fringe news.

you make the booking – we make it happen tell us what you want – we provide it all birthdays, weddings, civil partnerships, office parties, business events, hen & stag nights

call angi on 01273 687171 or email angi@thelatest.co.uk manchester street, brighton tel. 01273 687171 thelatest.co.uk/musicbar

009_LS466_celebcity_000_LS466_celebcity 12/03/2010 15:19 Page 1

CELEBCITY 09

SPONSORED BY

ZOE’S SAUCY WEIGHT LOSS INCENTIVE

Celebcity with Jo Brooks Macca attends son’s Brighton gig, Zoe Ball reveals work-out plan and Ronan Keating pays surprise visit Picture: Rich Callaghan

Picture: Rich Callaghan

ir Pul McCartney and girlfriend Nancy Shevell dropped into intimate basement venue Audio last Tuesday to see Macca’s son James play to just 70 people, including many of his old school friends. The pair appeared out of nowhere at her side (Nancy looking very much the rock chick having arrived straight from a Paris fashion show) but soon made themselves known by dancing, cheering and capturing every moment on a hand-held video camera.

It was the first time Macca had seen his son play live, but he knew every word of every song. After James had sung the final line, ‘I love you Dad, more than you can know,’ Sir Paul called out, ‘I love you too’.

Afterwards the pair waved and allowed fans to take photos before jumping into his car and heading back to Peasmarsh. (Read our review of the gig on p 23)

KATIE’S OSCARS OUTING Julie Coates, owner of Brighton's glamorous Lanes Health And Beauty salon, found herself caught up in the whirlwind of Hollywood this week as she accompanied her best friend, Katie Price, along for Oscars week! Julie has been taking part in the filming for Katie’s popular ITV2 show, What Katie Did Next, along with Katie's other close friends Gary and Phil.

Oscars night saw Katie attending Elton John's famous annual post-Oscars party. Her friends revelled in getting Katie ready in a backless blue sequinned gown, and loved being part of the pre-Oscar fun, which included Julie and Katie having the most expensive blow drys ever in the hotel made famous by the movie Pretty Woman – The Regent Beverly Wilshire.

But Julie’s highlights were definitely seeing all the stars heading into the Vanity Fair party.

RONAN POPS IN FOR PRIDE Ronan Keating was the surprise guest at National Student Pride, appearing on stage at the club night at Coalition on 6 March following his gig at the Brighton Centre earlier that night.

Picture: Sam Milford, www.realpride.com

MACCA PLAYS THE PROUD PARENT S

Back in the headlines this week is Hove resident Zoe Ball, who has been papped out and about jogging in the city after giving birth to little Nelly less than two months ago! The mother of two has already lost a whopping two since January and, speaking in a recent interview, told how she was given a rather saucy reason to lose all the baby weight.

The incentive in question is, according to Zoe, “a bunk-up with Norman every time I lose a stone”. “I got on the scales last week and thought: Ooh, it’s treat time!” she went on, “but we haven’t been brave enough to get to that stage yet!”

Zoe piled on an additional four stone whilst pregnant with Nelly – pushing her weight up to 16 stone – and has admitted that while pregnant she was “eating enough for five. Zoe also revealed that she is just like everybody else and recently joined Slimming World – yes, Zoe, I have been there – and is already seeing the results, teamed with a fitness regime of an exercise bike and doing weights looking out to sea.

Zoe, it seems, prefers to cycle inside – not like new next door neighbour David Walliams, who has just biked in a relay from John O’Groats in Scotland to Lands End in Cornwall – all for Sport Relief.

HOLLY GOES HIGHBROW Burgess Hill bird Holly Willoughby has revealed that the most nervewracking interview of her career so far was... no, not Jason from Dancing On Ice, but Prime Minister Gordon Brown. The This Morning presenter said that the meeting “silenced critics” of her serious presenting skills – “I knew it was the ultimate test for me”, she tweeted.

Did you catch Jamie McCartney’s gig? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

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10% service will be added. Valid Sunday through to Thursday, until 31 March. Only one voucher per table. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers.

10

ONLY JOKING!

In & Out

Bare cheek

SPECIAL OBSOLETE TERMS FOR DRUNKENESS EDITION

Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

Brighton bus names explained We explain what connections to Brighton those names emblazoned on the front of local buses have...

e, ping

SOMETHING IN 3D (12A) 10.30, 12.00, 2.30, 4.00, 6.00, 8.30

that a large portion of the VT footage for Rolf On, Saturday OK? was filmed on Brighton seafront.

HONEY BOY ZIMBA (No. 53C) – The “Ebony Hercules” won an exhibition match against Johnny Kwango at Butlins’ Ocean Hotel, Saltdean, in 1982.

ROLFAROO (No. 62) – The terrifying genetic hybrid (half kangaroo/ half Rolf Harris) owes its prominence on this bus to the fact

THE SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM (No. 69) – Honourable Member for Kemptown, 1164 –1170.

SOMETHING IN 3D THAT REALLY SHOULDN'T BE, E.G. A SINGLE MAN OR THAT ONE ABOUT TOLSTOY'S FINAL DAYS (12A) 12.00, 2.30, 4.00, 6.00, 8.30 SOMETHING IN 2D NOT DOING VERY WELL (12A) 10.30, 12.00, 2.30, 4.00, 6.00, 8.30

Duke Of Lancaster’s SOMETHING FRENCH IN 3D (15) 12.00, 2.30, 4.00, 6.00 SOMETHING SPANISH IN 3D (12A) 10.30, 12.00, 2.30, 4.00

SOMETHING BOSNIAN IN 3D (15) 12.00, 2.30, 4.00, 6.00 SOMETHING GAY IN 3D (18) 12.00, 2.30, 4.00, 6.00

• Blotto • Stewed • Hammered • Wasted • Stoned

Out • Bladdered • Merry • Para • In his/her cups • Steaming

8

am? ift

Multiplex

SOMETHING THAT CLEARLY WASN'T INTENDED TO BE IN 3D WHEN THEY STARTED FILMING IT, BUT THEY DECIDED TO JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON (12A) 10.30, 12.00, 2.30, 4.00, 6.00, 8.30

TARZAN (No. 58) – Following the success of Tarzan In New York, the studio planned a film in which Tarzan and Jane visit Brighton, with plenty of scope for humorous culture-clash sequences in which they enjoy the amusements, triumph at the coconut shy (Cheetah making off with the coconuts), scale the exterior of the Helter-Skelter, pose for a photograph with their heads thrust through holes above cartoon representations of themselves, and dive off the end of the pier in some act of heroism. Sadly this was abandoned soon after storyboarding.

WINSOME WITCH (No. 41) – Sometimes also know as Winnie Witch, or Winnie The Winsome Witch. Her catchphrase “IppityPippity-Pow!” was co-opted by early ’70s local radio DJ Mike Hunt.

WHAT’S NOT ON: FILM

SOMETHING RERELEASED AND CONVERTED TO 3D (U) 12.00, 2.30, 4.00, 6.00, 8.30

REV SIDNEY SMITH (No. 34) – the Regency bon vivant, wit and inveterate letter-writer once stayed for a night at a parsonage in Ovingdean, which he reported as “More commodious than comfortable.”

BOB HOLNESS (No. 28B) – The pub-trivia obsessive’s favourite James Bond, Blockbusters host, and dispenser of a thousand snigger-worthy “P’s” briefly considered buying a holiday flat in West Hove.

In

SOMETHING ELSE IN 3D (12A) 12.00, 2.30, 4.00, 6.00, 8.30

COLONEL BLASHFORD-SNELL (No. 78X) – the latter day explorer’s Operation Raleigh scheme recruited two youths from the Brighton area in 1984.

8

010_LS466_cheeky-stars_000_LS466_cheeky/stars 12/03/2010 12:07 Page 2

The Bare Cheek nude celebrity challenge Can you guess which celebrity Brian Mitchell is imagining with no clothes on in this photo?

Is it...

A) Adrian Chiles B) Bunty James from How! C) Rachel Riley from Countdown D) Sir Ian Blair?

Write your guess on a postcard and send to Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton, BN1 4GH.

BARDSLEY’S

Astral Angi

Astral fights boredom

★ARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

★CANCER {June 22–July 22}

★LIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

★CAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

★TAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

★LEO {July 23–Aug 22}

★SCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

★AQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

★GEMINI {May 22–June 21}

★VIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

★SAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

★PISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

Dull times ahead will give Aries time to set some things in order. Why not clear out your cutlery drawer and sort out those knives rather then using them to stab in the back.

Taureans will be having a dull time too. Not to worry, spring is not far away and you could do far worse than sorting out a programme for sowing some wild oats.

Geminis can fight the current astral ennui by making a list of all of their shortcomings. That should keep some of you busy until well into April, if not longer.

Cancerians hate boredom more than anything else and must be careful not to allow the lack of something real to do to lead them to mischief. Hands on heads, Cancers, and stand in a corner.

Grrrrrrr Leo, now is the time to take a snooze, nothing much will happen this week. You could however take this time to call and apologise to people you may have upset.

Virgos will make the most of this lull in activity by sorting out the contents of their bottom drawers.

Take everything out, replace the moth balls and have a good weep.

Librans will be incapable of accepting that there is nothing to do. Most Librans will start to invent pressing work, engagements and deadlines.

Why not, practice makes perfect.

Scorpio should use this time to take stock of what they contribute to the world on both a local and global scale.

Is your carbon footprint in check? No? Well get it sorted bad boy.

Peak season for Sagis as boredom is their idea of heaven. Right now Sagis everywhere will be enjoying doing nothing with an added verve and sense of purposelessness.

WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

01273 681256

Capricorns will come under much scrutiny this week as the devil makes work for idle hoofs. If you are planning to get up to no good then be aware – WE ARE WATCHING YOU! Aquarians reject the concept of boredom completely and have rebranded it as blue sky time, or meditation, depending on if you live in Brighton or Lewes.

No time for boredom for Pisces.

Having discovered that there are not plenty more fish in the sea, measures have to be taken. Try ‘no cod Wednesdays’ at Bardsley’s

011_LS466_interview_011_LS466_interview 11/03/2010 15:08 Page 1

L7 INTERVIEW 11

“I WANT TO BE A LITTLE BIT MORE... MYSELF” Master impressionist Rory Bremner chats to Bella Todd as he hits the election campaign trail

I

n contrast to the vivid political and cultural characters he has impersonated for the last 20 years – a vampiric Michael Howard here, a granite-grinned Tony Blair there – it’s often assumed that Rory Bremner himself must be rather bland.

Well, he may live in Oxfordshire and have to dash off to a parents’ evening mid flow. But he recently uncovered a fascinating family history, his house holds stranger sights than the White Witch’s castle in Narnia, and he conceived one daughter while in character as the then PM. More importantly, his bold reaction to having his Channel 4 budget cut by 80 per cent last year has been to start exploring more personal forms of comedy – hence the communityminded format of his new tour. We caught up with Rory as the Gordon Brown bullying allegations continued to hold headlines...

How are you coping with the new voices in politics?

We are facing, looking down the barrel, of people like Philip Hammond and Andrew Lansley, where people barely know their names, let alone what they sound like. We’ve had the Blairs and the Bushes and the Blunketts and the William Hagues, and now there’s just Louis Walsh really! The joke I do about Nick Clegg at the moment is, “I met Nick Clegg the other day and he said to me, ‘Rory, can you do me?’ And I said, ‘no, can you?’” As someone said, it’s the bland leading the bland. So in some ways this tour is like the last celebration of the characters...

What’s your concept for the Election Battlebus tour?

I’ve gone deliberately for slightly smaller venues, and a lot of the places are marginal constituencies. Hove is certainly marginal, and Brighton Pavilion is up for grabs with Caroline Lucas standing. In the second half I’m going to involve one or two of the candidates and some local personalities, and have a sort of Question Time thing. Because there are, at the moment, what they call the juggernaut comedians, the Russell Brands and the Ricky Gervaises... the big touring ocean-going liners. This isn’t that kind of a tour. What I really enjoy more and more is meeting people. And I’m excited about doing the odd stunt when I’m on the road, like dressing up as Gordon Brown and going canvassing...

Do you feel sorry for Gordon Brown at the moment?

I do feel sorry for him. You know, he’s only got one eye, he hasn’t slept for 10 years, English isn’t even his first language... he’s extremely careworn.

But he was the person who said over the banks, ‘we need to get a grip on this’. The Americans didn’t know what they were doing. Somebody asked them, why did you go for a $700 billion bail out? The guy from the treasury answered, ‘We just wanted a really big number’. Gordon Brown came along and said, ‘I’ll deal with this, it’s all very boring and dull, I’m the man’. And he hasn't been given credit for that. Is he a bully? Oh God. I think he has a passionate side. I mean, you've only to see his fingernails to see how frustrated he gets.

I think he takes the job of Prime Minister so seriously, which is something Blair never did.

Blair, like him or loathe him – and I wasn’t a big fan of Blair – at least wore it quite lightly. He didn't walk out of Downing Street looking like he was carrying the world on his shoulders, he looked like he was off to have an espresso in Carluccio’s.

You took part in the genealogy documentary Who Do You Think You Are? last year. Has it changed you?

There were two things I was worried about: that I’d find out my grandfather was in Auschwitz but on the wrong side (oh God, how embarrassing!) or that they’d come back and say, we looked at your family and they’re so boring that we’re going to make a programme about Geoff Hoon instead. I hadn’t really known my father. He was a professional soldier, and he’d had such excitement, for want of a better word, in the trenches in northern France. Those were the times of his life, and I think family life must have seemed really rather boring after that. So he was away a lot; and we also found this very touching letter that my great grandfather had written to his three children, saying goodbye because he was moving to Bermuda to work as a surgeon. When I’m off on tour and saying goodbye to the children, it does bring that home. My great grandfather actually delivered a baby on the front during the Crimean War, using his clasp knife in the freezing cold. By comparison, I’m really quite wet. I’m an Aries, so I’m

“Ours is the only garden in Oxfordshire that has hippos in it”

sort of impetuous and I like to do things well, but we live in different times. I haven’t been called upon to go to Helmand or Iraq. Hove is my front – and it is a front, isn’t it!

You were one of the big interrogators of the Iraq war...

Watching the Chilcot inquiry, I thought, ‘now where have I heard this before?’ In 2004 we were writing all this stuff while the war was going on, inventing a world we thought might exist in Downing Street – the characterisation of Tony Blair and this sofa government. Six years later, it seems it was real.

John Bird and John Fortune had the same thing over the bankers’ bonuses – what they were playing for comedy was actually playing out for tragedy in real life. What surprises me most about Iraq is that on the show we had a couple of very good researchers who were finding parallels with the 1920s and the incredible ambition of the American government to go to war. It always surprised me that people in the government, who had infinitely more resources, weren't able to draw those parallels too.

Is it true you conceived your second daughter, Lila, while dressed as... Tony Blair?

We were very late filming one day and I had to rush home because we had some friends round for supper, so I just kept the make-up on and jumped into the car... rang the doorbell – because of course Blair wouldn’t have a key – and sat down to some rather bemused guests. Afterwards my wife just said, ‘oh don’t worry, just leave the make-up on and come to bed’. So I think it was more laziness than anything... stranger.

Your wife, Tessa Campbell Fraser, is a sculptor – does her work have anything in common with yours?

She’s had some stuff at Cass Sculpture Foundation down in Goodwood, and she has a studio in the garden because she works with tonnes of clay at a time. As you come down our driveway there’s a large polar bear with a dancer on the back of it, and ours is the only garden in Oxfordshire that has hippos in it. We’re both artists, and we both feel most fulfilled when we’re working. And yes, I guess she is also representational, she is figurative. Actually I think she’d like to get away from that, she’d like to do something looser, and I’m wanting to go into different types of comedy and be a little bit more... myself.

Are you planning to make any more documentaries?

I love cricket, and I’d really love to go and spend some time in Bradford – somewhere with a very large Pakistani and Muslim community, where the whole agenda is about community and cricket and life, and not the ‘war on terror’ and fear of burkas. I might do one about Roman roads too. I turned down a reality show the other day. It sounded like a very cold version of I’m A Celebrity... I was leant on very hard, but after thinking very long and hard I thought, no, I really don’t want to do that. I really don’t want to be filmed freezing in my underpants in a jacuzzi next to somebody from Footballers Wives.

Have you ever had the impulse to go into politics?

I’m in it already in a way. But I couldn’t hold an opinion for more than three seconds. I try not to get too close to the politicians. You need to keep an eye on them and you do need to ask the odd favour. But if I do get close, I always leave with a tremendous feeling of relief that I’m not part of that world every day and every night.

Rory Bremner’s Election Battlebus is at The Old Market, Hove, on Tuesday 23 March.

01273 736222, www.theoldmarket.co.uk

012_LS466_Ads_012_LS466_Ads 11/03/2010 15:03 Page 2

12

013_LS466_HealthBeauty Secrets_013_LS466_HealthBeauty Secrets 11/03/2010 17:17 Page 1

HEALTH & BEAUTY 13

IT’S A WRAP

Desperate to get into that bikini but don’t dare to bare? Lose the inches with the Universal Contour Wrap at Beauty Secrets

W

orldwide, most women are obsessed with their bodies: too fat, too thin, too curvy, too straight... are we ever happy? Yes. When American Doctor Richard Strem, after much research into the benefits harnessed from minerals used in spa treatments, developed the use of a unique sea clay formula to flush out the body’s toxins, us girls went crazy for the clay. Strem believed that by using a unique blend of mineral-rich clay and specialist bodywrapping techniques – what is today called the Universal Contour Wrap – the body can be deeply detoxified to create instant and lasting inch loss.

This revolutionary contour wrap guarantees that you will lose at least six inches in just two hours... not convinced?Just one treatment boasts an

average loss of between 10 to 14 inches and has had women flocking from afar to try it out.

While it is not unusual to go down a complete dress size over a course of three treatments, the Universal Contour Wrap is not just for people who are overweight. Anyone who is looking to kick-start their slimming plan or target those stubborn areas in their quest for the perfect figure can benefit.

The wrapping process supports and shapes your body, and the contouring effect is enhanced by special techniques adapted to target areas such as the thighs, buttocks, tummy and chest. While cleansing and exfoliating your skin, the wrap detoxifies the body, tightens loose tissue and reduces the appearance of cellulite and stretch marks.

A treatment combines the unique mineral-rich solution with warm clay-soaked bandages, which are tightly wrapped around the entire body to help aid the extraction of toxins from beneath the skin, while actively compressing soft, fatty tissues. Once the bandages are applied, you sit back and relax and let the treatment work its magic. The treatment takes just under two hours including before and after measurements so that inch loss can be calculated. A course of three wraps is recommended for maximum benefits and results can be maintained up to one month.

The Universal Contour Wrap is available Beauty Secrets Salon & Spa, 65 Western Road, Hove, 01273 822476, www.beautysecretssalonandspa.co.uk

014_LS466_Hotlist_014_LS466_Hotlist 12/03/2010 13:10 Page 2

14 HOTLIST

L7 Hotlist Eateries and bars catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk Restaurants British & modern European Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials.

Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue.

There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256 ls ell

to

The Gallery The Gallery restaurant is an independent British restaurant located in the heart of Brighton’s Lanes. The Gallery prides itself in serving the very best fresh, locally sourced and seasonal menu created by their head chef Mosa Jobi. Mosa joined the team in 2007 from the Dorchester Mayfair Hotel in London and has taken the restaurant from strength to strength. The Gallery restaurant offers a warm, personable environment to celebrate any occasion.

The Gallery Restaurant, 28 East Street, Brighton, BN11HL, 01273 773327

Koba Bar and Venue Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar Sunday to Friday with cocktails from £2.95 and wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and

has received many awards, including one of the ‘top 50 bars in the UK’.

Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

The Restaurant At Drakes Nestled inside Brighton’s finest designer hotel – the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Winner of two coveted AA Rosettes, Drakes offers exquisite cuisine with the highest quality seasonal ingredients. Twocourse menu for £28 or thee courses for £36.

Five course chef’s menu £50. Private dining room available for parties of up to 12 people.

The Restaurant At Drakes, 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com

Chinese Gars Restaurant This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French Cocoa Patisserie Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest

ingredients. They offer a wide selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. Beautiful cakes made to order.

48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

street food plus a good selection of thalis and the ever-popular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national awardwinning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a wine list also feature.

42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824, www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

New Steine Bistro

Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori

This cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions is the perfect setting to enjoy homemade French food using local produce as much as possible. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three , Sunday to Thursday, and £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available. Open 6pm.

10 /11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/restaurant.asp

Established in 1987 and set in a 16th century building, Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori carefully blends Bangladeshi & Indian influences, creating great food and an atmosphere with a difference. It’s not just a meal, but an experience. Why not come down and see for yourself?

Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori, 130–136 Old London Road, Patcham, Brighton, BN1 8YA, 01273 507075

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials.

Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish, and an Anglo-French cheeseboard.

Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the twocourse lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French roast.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian

Thai Sabai Thai Gastrobar Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. With its cosy Thai cushions nestled up on a raised platform, enjoy a 2-for-1 cocktail or dishes in the afternoon from just £4.95.

Sabai’s great atmosphere is made complete with an acoustic guitarist on Wednesdays and Sundays.

165–169 Princes House, Princes Place, North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabaibrighton.co.uk, bookings@sabaibrighton.co.uk

Chaula’s Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of The Lanes. Lunch is packed full of Indian

Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience.’ Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi.Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

To add your restaurant, bar or cafe to our latest Hotlist call Advertising today on 01273 818150

015_LS466_food_015_LS466_food 11/03/2010 15:33 Page 1

ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 15

Food & Drink Andrew Kay hits the road for a lunch at Baloos Restaurant and Bar in Woodmancote

Bear necessity T

he last time I walked through the door at Baloos it was a very different experience and many years ago, too. Back then it was a country roadside pub serving bar meals. Remember them? The age of chicken in a basket and the ploughman’s platter. It was a cold day back then, as it was on this occasion, and I clearly remember enjoying a bowl of hot soup, simply because it was Heinz tomato, so what could be wrong?

Things could not be more different now. No longer a pub, not even a gastro pub, Baloos is a country restaurant. After our short drive over Devil’s Dyke we were ready for a spot of lunch but had little idea of what to expect. Inside we found a roaring log burning stove and leather sofas, so we were immediately comfortable and warm.

Baloos is spotlessly clean. I seldom comment on that, but this place sparkled, and coming from the kitchen were the aromas of real cooking: smells that cannot be generated by the whir, click and ping of banks of microwaves.

We started with a fruit juice – how restrained were we? – and looked at the menus. Mr R was happy with choices from the set lunch menu at £10 for two course and £13 for three. I decided to tackle the à la carte but was led off piste by a small board of specials. Not planning to drink a lot, we declined a bottle of wine and instead had glasses from the more than adequate selection sold by the glass.

When our food was ready we went through to the table in the conservatory. It was sunny and bright, and the room was pleasingly full for a cold Saturday. Mr R started with potted pork. Shredded and basking in melted butter, his pork was well seasoned and “I don’t give stars – I came with toasted bread that had been made in the kitchen. leave that to Mr Winner, He loved it and the small morsel I managed to wrestle although he doesn’t give from his clutches proved his judgement. My salad of crayfish many – but I do highly on pickled cucumber with minted yogurt certainly hit the recommend Baloos” spot and was so prettily plated.

It was a light and delicate pickle too; a perfect dish to have before my next choice.

And why? Because the confit duck was a massive portion and really well made – again in the kitchen, and not the tinned stuff too many places serve. This was aromatic and savoury with crisp skin and succulent flesh.

The sauté potatoes were golden and crisp and the French beans came wrapped in nice bacon. All in all, a first class plate of food.

Mr R was equally impressed by a salmon fillet in Cajun spices served with stir-fried noodles and vegetables – another generous dish from the bargain lunchtime menu.

For dessert, he was very quick to choose bread and butter pudding with home-made ice cream. Wow, that ice cream was good, as was the cherry and kirsch sorbet that came with my lemon tart. Sadly, the pastry was less refined, but given the exceptional quality of the rest of the meal I was ready to forgive them this one tiny flaw. I later discovered that the person normally in charge of pastry was absent and the chef, a self-confessed disaster in the pastry stakes, had weighed in.

We finished with coffee and I would have been happy to go back to the leather sofas and snooze whilst pretending to read a magazine; that was how relaxing the atmosphere is at Baloos.

Open Tuesday through to Sunday for lunch and dinner, and with a Sunday roast menu each week, Baloos deserves to be filled to the gunnels. And we were not the only ones to think so: all around us there were smiling faces.

Owners Amanda and Chris (who is also head chef) are doing a great job. Chris has real talent and a passion for local produce – even striking a deal with a local farmer where he grows some of the produce they use. His ice creams are top notch, and Baloos do not have a greedy wine list: Ridgeview sparkling is marked up sensibly to make it a delicious and affordable choice.

I don’t give stars – I leave that to Mr Winner, although he doesn’t give many – but I do highly recommend Baloos.

Baloos Restaurant and Bar, Wheatsheaf Road, Woodmancote, nr Henfield, West Sussex, BN5 9BD, 01273 492077, www.baloos.co.uk

Have you been to Baloos? andrew@thelatest.co.uk

follow me on twitter

latestandrew

016_LS466_Fringe_016_LS466_Fringe 12/03/2010 13:59 Page 2

16

BRIGHTON FESTIVAL FRINGE

DIVE RIGHT IN

From the iFringe app to the Freerange pink dome, immerse yourself in the exciting new elements of Brighton Festival Fringe 2010

T

he Brighton Festival Fringe 2010 brochure hits the streets Wednesday 17 March, providing the first brightly-coloured stepping-stone along the path to May. Tickets are already available from the Fringe website but from 17 March you can also purchase them from the box office on 01273 709709 or over the counter at the Dome box office on New Road.

This year, it’s easier than ever to search for shows on their website thanks to Fringle, the Fringe’s new search engine. There is also an exclusive iFringe application for the iPhone, which uses GPS technology to enable users to find the topreviewed Fringe shows in their vicinity. Below are just a few of the big Fringe events making up this year’s exciting and eclectic programme.

Comedy 2010 sees the biggest Fringe comedy line-up ever. Stewart Lee, Phill Jupitus, Joanna Neary, Simon Munnery, Phil Kay, Chris Addison, Nicholas Parsons and Robin Ince are all here. Plus, you won’t want to miss Ladygarden, The Penny Dreadfuls, Pappy's Fun Club and others at Upstairs at Three and Ten, or the twisted musical comedy at Komedia from Frisky and Mannish and Die Roten Punkte.

Steampunk

Cabaret Edinburgh smash hit Cabaret Whore by Sarah-Louise Young is a must-see; there’s a collision of Victorian cultures at the Marlborough as the Steampunks meet Gentleman’s Relish; Glastonbury crashes in to the Komedia with Snake Pit: From Dusk ‘Til Dawn; Kitty Cointreau brings burlesque to the Brunswick and Variety By The Sea comes fresh from the Roundhouse to Freerange.

Theatre An incredible range of shows include Brighton Theatre’s immersive I am a Warehouse at Newhaven Fort and promenade performance The Secret Garden at the Regency Town House. The programme ranges from challenging new work to the very English delights of afternoon tea and The Importance Of Being Earnest at The Grand Hotel.

I Am A Warehouse The Penny Dreadfuls

Dance

The Cholmondeleys and the Featherstonehaughs

Dance fans are in for a treat, with the chance to see The Cholmondeleys and the Featherstonehaughs at the Nightingale Theatre, plus interactive, site-specific work including A Ship of Fools at Coachwerks and Icarus at the New Venture Theatre. There’s hip-hop from Impact Dance, high-wire acrobatics from the Moscow State Circus, and even an evening with Edgar Allen Poe at the Old Police Cells museum (for the very brave).

Kids Children’s events and shows in Fringe 2010 include Long Nose Puppets, Science Museum live and a range of circus shows to name just a few.

Uncontained Theatre with Buxton Opera House present their version of Alice In Wonderland at Freerange; there’s a Pirate School at Friends’ Meeting House for budding swashbucklers, and comedian Phil Kay presents a special kids’ comedy show – expect live pancake tossing and a Cheesiest Sock contest.

New venues The Freerange pink dome at St Peter’s Church will host some of the most spectacular shows in the Fringe, including Urban, a collaboration between the Roundhouse, Circolombia and Teatro Circo Price Madrid; Fire Tusk Pain Proof Circus (expect motorbikes, chainsaws and flying usherettes), and two performances by jazz legend Roy Ayers. Meadowlands music festival is set in the beautiful grounds of Glynde Place and The Old Courtroom has an unbeatable programme including a mini film festival.

Visit www.brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk to start booking! Brighton Festival Fringe runs 1–23 May 2010.

Fire Tusk

017_LS466_Stage_017_LS466_Stage 12/03/2010 15:17 Page 1

> send your stage listings to stage@thelatest.co.uk

L7 WHAT’S ON Mad cows T Dumb Show at The Hawth takes a comic look at the nature of celebrity

ravelling repertory theatre Creative Cow aim to present the best in classic playwriting with imaginative and accomplished performances.

The West Country-based company has connections with Sussex too: one of the founding members, Jonathan Parish, is from Burgess Hill and attended Haywards Heath Community College. After drama school he co-founded Creative Cow

STAGE 17

> Tuesday 16 to Monday 22 March> with Amanda Knott (director) and Katherine Senior (actor).

The company returns to The Hawth Studio in April with Dumb Show, a dark comedy by award-winning writer Joe Penhall.

Dumb Show follows TV comic Barry (Jack Hulland), known to millions as ‘Mr Saturday Night’, who hopes to laugh all the way to the bank when he’s approached by two financial executives promising fat fees. As the jokes and the champagne flow in a luxury hotel, Barry is lured into giving a candid account of his life and views, and a tense game of power and manipulation ensues.

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Stage Dumb Show asks how far will people go to destroy a celebrity?

And is there such a thing as privacy when the whole world knows you?

Where did the name Creative Cow come from? Well, the headquarters and rehearsal space for the Devonbased company are on a farm, full of cows! At least one question’s been answered...

Dumb Show, The Hawth Studio, Crawley, Friday 16 & Saturday 17 April, 7.45pm, 01293 553636. www.hawth.co.uk

Wilde one Lord Arthur Savile’s Crime takes Lee Mead to Worthing

F

or those of you who missed this camp period piece during its run at the Theatre Royal Brighton, there is now a chance to catch it in Worthing as the starry cast, including Any Dream Will Do star Lee Mead, Gary Wilmot and Kate O’Mara, continue their tour.

Mead plays Lord Arthur, who is told by a society clairvoyant that he will commit a murder.

The ensuing silliness shows Oscar Wilde at his bitchiest and, although slight, it offers a very engaging evening’s entertainment.

Gary Wilmot is superb, Kate O’Mara frightfully grand, and Lee meads grows in the role as the evening goes on. It’s well worth a visit if you enjoy Wildean wit.

Stagelistings > Tuesday 16 to Monday 29 March > THE BASEMENT, BRIGHTON 01273 699733 www.thebasement.uk.com Thick Description/10 Ways To Die On Stage Double bill of new writers’ work. >16–17 Mar, 7,30pm, £tbc BRIGHTON DOME, CONCERT HALL 01273 700747 www.brightondome.org Richard Alston Dance Company Triple bill of contemporary dance from ‘the finest choreographer the British modern dance scene has ever known!’ – New York Times. >16–17 Mar, 8pm, £7.50–£17.50 Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra Barry Wordsworth (conductor), Glinka Overture: Russlan and Ludmilla, Maxwell Davis: An Orkney Wedding with Sunrise,

Dukas: Sorcerer's Apprentice, Jonathan Dove: Run to the Edge, Tchaikovsky: Overture 1812. >21 Mar, 2.45pm, £8–£32

material but through the eyes of a nine-year-old... >16–20 Mar, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Wed & Sat, £13.50–£19.50 Journey’s End Icarus Theatre Collective and Original Theatre Company present this compelling play based on R. C. Sherriff's own experience in the trenches of WW1. >22–27 Mar, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Wed & Sat, £13.50–£19.50

CRAWLEY: THE HAWTH, 01293 553636 www.hawth.co.uk Joseph and his Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat Lloyd Webber musical stars Any Dream Will Do finalist Craig Chalmers. >29 Mar–3 April, times and prices vary, see website for details.

EASTBOURNE: DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE 01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk My Wonderful Day New play, written and directed by Alan Ayckbourn, fresh from New York. Covers regular Aykbourn

Journey’s End

NEW VENTURE THEATRE, BRIGHTON 01273 702563 www.newventure.org.uk Breaking the Code Hugh Whitemore’s fascinating but tragic story of Alan Turing:

Lord Arthur Saville’s Crime, Connaught Theatre, Worthing, Tuesday 5–Saturday 10, April, 7.30pm nightly, matinees Wednesday at 2pm, Saturday at 2.30pm, 01903 206 206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

mathematician, ‘father’ of computer science and a gay man in an intolerant era. >27 Mar–3 Apr, 7.45pm,Tue–Sat, 2.30pm matinee Sun, £8–£9 THEATRE ROYAL BRIGHTON 08448 717650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Wife After Death Fast-paced comedy starring Tom Conti. >17–20 Mar, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Thu & Sat, £13–£28 One Man Lord of the Rings Charles Ross, hurtles through the Tolkien trilogy – zzin just 3,600 seconds. >24 Mar, 7.30pm, £13–£28 Traces Les 7 Doigts de la Main present their award-winning, high energy, display of urban acrobatics and street and contemporary dance. >25–27 Mar, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee Sat, £13–£28

018_LS466_music-clublistings_018_LS466_music/clublistings 12/03/2010 12:14 Page 2

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MUSIC & CLUB LISTINGS

Clublistings

Musiclistings

> Tuesday 16 March to Monday 22 March > > send your club listings to clubs@thelatest.co.uk

> Tuesday 16 to Monday 22 March > > send your music listings to music@thelatest.co.uk TUESDAY 16 > Brighton Dome, 8pm, £23

>highlight

CONCORDE 2 Eat Static. See highlight.

11pm–4am, £12.50 DIGITAL Stonelove. 11pm–3am, £4 HONEY CLUB Kiss Da Funk. Glammed-up, house-on-house action with unstoppable head honcho, Rob Tissera. 11pm, £8.50/6 JAM Don’t Stop Believing. Pop and indie guilty pleasures. 11pm–3am, free KOMEDIA Born Bad. A wild and sexy night of delinquent rhythms for discerning hep cats and kittens. 11pm, £6/5 LIFE Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box. Fidget, bass and firing electro. 11pm–3am, £6/4 THE HOPE Synthetiquette. Pixie cut electro bash! 9pm–2am, £3 THE LOFT Malicious. Alternative sleaze and cheese with Pete Von Sleaze! 10pm, £5/free VOLKS Future Dub. From the mountains of Swizerland with Ayawaska. 11pm, £7/5

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Eat Static Born in the rave pits of the early ’90s as the love child of techno and extraterrestrial obsession comes Eat Static!

Once members of the psychedelic space rock band Ozric Tentacles, they grabbed out the synths, experimented with some weird music and funky timings and were playing alongside Live act greats Orbital and Aphex Twin in no time! Most often associated with psytrance and sci-fi influenced sounds, their tracks actually span all musical walks from gabber to D’n’B and breakbeat! Tonight these versatile deck dealers break from the rockin' lifestyle of festival capers and worldwide fiestas to test our raving stamina! Were you born for it?

Friday 19 March, Concorde 2

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SATURDAY 20

AUDIO Supercharged. Breakthrough, cross-over DJ Dons, Nero are back after NYE’s vesselbursting massacre! 11pm–2.30am, £6/4 BRIGHTON COALITION Remedy. A midweek innoculation of chart, pop, R'n'B, dance, indie, electro and rock! 10.30pm, £3/free DIGITAL The Poundance. 11pm–3am, £1 LIFE Broke. Wonky glitch-hop, cutting edge dubstep, jungle, breaks and splatterings of liquid D’n’B. 10.30pm–2.30am, £4/1

BRIGHTON COALITION Pop Musik. Unadulterated pop pleasures. 11pm, £6/5 CASABLANCA Funky Fiesta. Jumpin live latino, classic tunes and new skool funk. 10pm, £7 CONCORDE 2 Audiobullys. Feisty streetwise beats and raucous, socially aware lyrics.

7pm–10pm, £12.50 CONCORDE 2 Carbon – 6th Birthday. Six, sick years of leading underground D’n’B sessions!

11pm–5am, £10 DIGITAL Digital Presents – Album Launch Party.

James Zabiela will be dropping a heady fusion of Breakbeat and house. 11pm–4am, £11 HONEY CLUB Sevensins. Electro, trance and house with guests. 10.30pm–5am, £10/8 JAM Doctor’s Orders. Boom-bap, original soul and brand new bangers with a lyrical barrage from Skinnyman. 8pm–3am, £7/5 KOMEDIA Spellbound. An ‘80s club night for all the haters of ‘80s nights. 9pm, £5 KOMEDIA Trailer Trash! Baz Lurhmann. Rock ’n’ roll, neo-swing, trashy punk! 9.30pm, £7 LIFE Hold Up. Indie night. 11pm–4am, £5 VOLKS Darklight. Grooverider. Job done.

10pm–5am, £4

THURSDAY 18

SUNDAY 21

BRIGHTON COALITION Secret Discotheque.

10.30pm–3.30am, £3/2 DIGITAL Thursday Club with Vagabondz. bass-bashing grime and dub beats with Plastician. 11pm, £5 JAM Thursday Night Fish Fry. ‘50s R’n’B and original Jamaican ska. 10pm, £3 VOLKS Voltage. Gear up for a raucous weekend with early D’n’B rhythms. 10pm–3am, £3

BRIGHTON COALITION Frequency. Delivering a range of house/breaks/electro. 10pm, free HONEY CLUB Spectrum. Electro & Classic House for connoisseurs. 10.30pm, £2/1

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TUESDAY 16 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE San Frandisco.

Lively disco beats. 11pm–3am, free HONEY CLUB Indie Rocks. 11pm–3am, £2/1 JAM Pot Kettle Black. Spanking new indie bash playing retro to now. 10pm–2am, £2/1 LIFE The Vice Social. Dirty mash-ups and filthy beats. 10pm–2.30am, free b4 11, £3/2 after PAVILION TAVERN Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock and metal. 10.30pm–3am, free/£3

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FRIDAY 19 BRIGHTON COALITION Hush Your Beak – Foundation Album Launch. Versatile deck operator, Breakage, unleashes some mighty Dub beats alongside jungle and D’n’B slayer, Shy FX. 10pm–4am, £10

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MONDAY 22 AUDIO Glue. Sticking hip-hop to dancehall.

11pm–3am, £3/2 BRIGHTON COALITION Trash Mondays.

10.30pm–3am, £3/free LIFE AKA AKA ROAR. Sounds from the full dub-step spectrum, past and future.

10pm–2.30am, £2 b4 12

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follow me on twitter

latestjaime

Book yours now at Latest Musicbar.

Every Saturday in April now booked but dates in May onwards available.

Call Ruth or Angi 01273 687171

Spectrum + Medicine And Duty + The Hills Have Riffs The band of former Spacemen 3 guitarist Pete Kember.

Freebutt, 7.30pm, £9

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WEDNESDAY 17 Four Tet Progressive electronic music from the great Kieran Hebden.

Concorde 2, 8pm, £10 Lupen Crook Acoustic folk singer-songwriter.

Freebutt, 7.30pm, £tbc Paper Faces Folk rock band from West Sussex.

Latest Musicbar, 7.30pm, £4 Peter Green and Friends Fleetwood Mac founder and influential blues guitarist.

Komedia, 8pm, £20 The Hidden Cameras Quality, quirky, polished indie rock from Toronto.

Audio, 7pm, £10

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THURSDAY 18 (Hed) P.E + Threat Signal + Attila Blimey. Who knew these nu-metallers were still around and touring? Less rap-heavy nowadays but a safe pair of hands, so to speak.

Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £10 Al Start Band + Zoox Grrl folk from Al Start with support from world music influenced trio, Zoox.

Latest Musicbar, 8pm, £6/5 Autechre Acclaimed, idiosyncratic electro blending ambient beats with glitchy D’n’B and everything else in between.

Brighton Dome, 8pm, £15 BIMM End Of Term Party Showcase of some of this term's best acts sprouting from the local music school.

Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £tbc Hazel O'Connor And The Bluja Project Piano, saxophone and vocals trio who have collaborated with the likes of the Eurythmics and David Bowie.

Komedia, 8pm, £15–26.50 The Tiger Lillies: The Songs Of Shockheaded Peter And Peter Gory Stories Deranged, Grammy-nominated alternative cabaret.

Komedia, 7.30pm, £15 Vitalic Interesting Gallic dance.

Brighton Coalition, 8pm, £15 Wreckless Eric + Amy Rigby One of the original Stiff Records artists who worked alongside Ian Dury ‘back in the day’.

Prince Albert, 7.30pm, £8

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FRIDAY 19 BIMM End Of Term Party 2 The second of two shows celebrating this term’s best performers from the Brighton Institute of Modern Music.

Concorde 2, 7pm, £tbc Brighton Jazz Club Weekly gathering for jazz fans and musicians alike.

Komedia, 8.30pm, £12 Peter Andre The ex-Mr Price performs all the hits. Hopefully he'll play ‘Insania’...

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Portico Quartet + Sweet Billy Pilgrim Two Mercury nominees: jazz/classical crossover with Portico Quartet and the folky soul of Sweet Billy Pilgrim.

De La Warr Pavilion, 8pm, £tbc Sham 69 Influential punk veterans and innovators of the streetpunk scene.

Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £10 Ska Bar 4: The Hot Knives + The Big Head Night of ska bands performing live.

Latest Musicbar, 8pm, £5 Thomas Truax ‘80s-inspired maverick electropop singer-songwriter.

Freebutt, 7.30pm, £5.50

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SATURDAY 20 Audio Bullys + South Central Boisterous house types play a live show.

Concorde 2, 7pm, £12.50 Editors The glum but occasionally brilliant bigselling indie rockers return with a third UK number one album.

Brighton Dome, 7pm, £20.43 Nick Harper Acclaimed folk singer-songwriter and son of Roy Harper.

Freebutt, 7.45pm, £10 The Mojo Fins + The Half Sisters Single launch party for these popular Brightonian pop-rockers.

Duke of York’s Picturehouse, 11pm, £8/6

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SUNDAY 21 Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra A programme of Russian melodies, featuring Glinka, Duka and Tchaikovsky.

Brighton Dome, 2.45pm, £8–32 The Hype + Illustrators + Midnight Embassy Local bands showcase headlined by the courageously-monikered indie types The Hype.

Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £6 Vineyard Sunday evening religious gathering with live gospel sounds.

Latest Musicbar, 7pm, free Why? + I Might Be Wrong + Josiah Wolf Cincinnati indie/rap crossover featuring cLOUDDEAD’s Yoni.

Komedia, 8pm, £12

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MONDAY 22 Emergenza Festival: Hildamay + Red Shark In Vegas Up and coming music competition reaches its semi-final stage.

Komedia, 8pm, £12/8 The Joy Formidable + Airship Decent indie newbies looking back to early nineties US rock such as The Breeders and the 4AD stable.

Audio, 7pm, £7

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19th MARCH

STEVE SPALL & GUESTS For bookings call 01825 790200

Nick Aldwinckle

019_LS466 musichighlights_news_019_LS466 musichighlights_news 12/03/2010 12:42 Page 1

> send your music listings to music@thelatest.co.uk Musichighlights

Music

> Tuesday 16 to Monday 22 March >

PETER GREEN Legendary and much-loved guitarist who made his mark with John Mayall’s Bluesbreakers before forming Fleetwood Mac in 1967. We’re talking pre-Rumours here, when their soulful blues-rock saw them smash the charts on a number of occasions, most famously with ‘Albatross’. However, at the turn of the ‘70s Green had a mental breakdown and effectively became an eccentric recluse, even going so far as to refuse royalty cheques! Slowly but surely though, he’s re-established himself as one of the most articulate of guitarists and a superb songwriter to boot.

Wednesday 17 March, Komedia

MUSIC 19

With Jeff Hemmings

THE MOJO FINS Melodic local indie act who released The Sounds That I Still Hear album last year. New single ‘Meet Me At The Pictures’ contains a line about meeting at the Duke of York’s, and lo and behold, they’re playing there! The ever-so colourful whimsy of The Half Sisters is in support.

Saturday 20 March, Duke of York’s

MARLENA SHAW Now pushing 70, Shaw first came to notice in the mid-’60s signing to the Chess label, followed by a spell with Blue Note – she was the first ever female recording artist to be signed by them.

Two particular tracks have kept her in the public eye: ‘Woman Of The Ghetto’ was sampled for the ‘90s club smash ‘Remember Me’, while ‘California Soul’ keeps doing the rounds in various guises. A living legend. Support comes from up and coming soul-blues singer Jo Harman.

Monday 22 March, Concorde 2

AT-MA A rich blend of world groove, sacred chants, evocative lyrics and harmonies, this co-artist project includes singer Russell Stone, film composer and musician Craig Pruess (Harry Potter, Bend It Like Beckham) and tabla maestro Tom Simenauer. Stone has developed a form of singing called ‘sounding’, a way of singing without words, which has a profound and therapeutic impact on people. Juliet Russell and the Vocal Explosion Choir and Voices That Carry are also on the bill.

Saturday 20 March, St Nicholas Church

PASTURES NEW Pack your tent for Meadowlands Festival, the event set to rock the Lewes countryside this May bank holiday

B

righton may be a groovy city – the place to be, as it was once billed – but it also has some fantastic countryside on its doorstep, with the rolling South Downs and the picturesque Weald. But while Beachdown’s decision to place an ambitious festival on top of a windy hill may have been a poor one, Meadowlands are taking an altogether more organic approach.

“Brighton deserves an event that has longevity,” says Lee Bennett, one of Meadowland’s organisers.

“The place is bursting with talent and creativity.

When we were offered Glynde Place we couldn’t turn it down. It’s too good an opportunity. And now Viscount Hampden (the landlord), aka Frank, has become a good friend.”

Over 400 years old, Glynde Place, like many other country piles, is financially difficult to maintain, and so has opened its doors to events all year round, most notably the Glynde Food and Drink Festival.

“It needs to bring in the revenue,” says Lee, “and Frank, since taking over the estate, has been looking at new ideas.”

Meadowlands has been bubbling up to this moment, the fruition of an idea spawned a few years ago. “It started on my mum’s farm, but that is way out near Heathfield, and we thought it would be hard to do a festival in a field... which it was! We lost loads of money the first year, less so the next.”

From there it migrated to Glynde Place and, last year, saw two one-day events organised by Lee and

friends: The Riverbank Tea Party and the September Sound Harvest. The success of these events encouraged Lee and his business partner Marco Pitt to go for a two-day festival, with camping.

“We’ve got financial backing, most of it private, but we’re continually looking for sponsors. The last two years we’ve had to fight for any sponsorship, but recently it seems to be turning around and people can see it can be a viable festival.”

Indeed it looks that way as the line-up starts to take shape and word spreads. The line-up features a healthy smattering of local talent including the likes of Transformer, Gloria Cycles, Bellows, The Perils, Cordelia Fellowes, Los Albertos, Kalakuta Millionaires, Mountain Firework Company and The Hot Club of Belleville. From further afield come The Bays and The North Sea Radio Orchestra, with some special guest headliners to be announced.

“With Frank’s backing, the licence applications have gone very smoothly,” says Lee, ever aware of the conditions that can be placed by all licensing authorities, including the police, on events such as these. “Our focus is to provide a clean, safe and family-friendly environment, but with the option for people to go a bit crazy too.”

Meadowlands Festival, Glynde Place, Lewes, 29–30 May. www.meadowlandsfestival.com

follow me on twitter

latestjeff

020_LS466 Art-Events _020_LS466 Art/Events 12/03/2010 11:31 Page 2

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EVENTS | ART

Eventspreview

Arthighlights

> Tuesday 16 March to Monday 22 March > > send your events listings to events@thelatest.co.uk

> Tuesday 16 to Monday 22 March > > send your art listings to art@thelatest.co.uk

Renegade Potters & Extreme Craft

SPORT RELIEF

Jimmy South: Clear Uranium

Going all 3D, Brighton’s fabulous Ink_d gallery has put together a selection of British artisans who work in traditional methods but with a subversive nature. Ceramics, glassware, mosaic, embroidery and fabrics will all have something to say; their messages are political, social and often hard hitting.

Renegade Potters & Extreme Craft, Ink_d Gallery, North Road, 01273 645299. Until 11 April

Jamie Orlando Smith Exploring the human impact on the planet on a localised scale, between the rural and the urban, and nature and culture, photographer Jamie Orlando Smith’s work derives from James Lovelock’s Gaia hypothesis in which he described the world as a super-organism of balanced life.

Jamie Orlando Smith: Disseminated Primatemaia, Red Roaster, St. James’ Street, 07891 892315. Until 30 April

Wild Planet

© Jeff Yanover/Wild Planet

Sport Relief has a unique history of dedicated people doing extraordinary things, from David Walliams’ swim across the English Channel and Eddie Izzard’s marathon a day around the UK, to the thousands of people who run in Sainsbury's Sport Relief Mile.

This year’s Sport Relief returns from Friday 19 to Sunday 21 March and will see the whole of the UK come together to get active, raise money and change lives.

Hundreds of Sainsbury’s Sport Relief Mile runs take place across the UK on Sunday 21 March. The Brighton and Hove Mile starts on Madeira Drive at 10am, and the city will also host three- and six-mile runs (www.sportrelief.com/ the-mile/brighton-hove-mile).

If you want to be be a record-breaker, you can also join thousands of people simultaneously hula-hooping for two minutes on Sunday!

All the money raised helps transform the lives of poor and vulnerable people in the UK and across the world’s poorest countries.

Sport Relief 2010, 19 – 21 March, www.sportrelief.com

Launching in Brighton this week prior to a UK tour, this free outdoor exhibition showcases 80 stunning photographs and will be lit from dusk ‘til 11.30pm.

Wild Planet features images from Wildlife Photographer of the Year, which is owned by the Natural History Museum, London and BBC Wildlife Magazine.

Wild Planet, King's Road, Brighton seafront.

Until 26 September, open daily

Events highlights UNTIL SUNDAY 21 MARCH Brighton & Hove Food & Drink Spring Harvest Festival Now running events throughout the year, starting with this 11-day Spring Harvest festival.

This includes The Chocolate Festival, Whisky Festival, the Big Sussex Market and the CAMRA Sussex Beer Festival, while Come Dine With Me fans can enjoy their own version: Open House Dining. Plus regular Farmers Markets at Churchill Square every Wednesday and the 1st Sunday of each month at Ralli Hall nr Hove Station. www.brightonspringharvest.com

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SATURDAY 20 MARCH Brighton Eco Veggie Fayre Some of the UK’s finest vegetarian food producers gather together at the

first ever Brighton Eco Veggie Fayre. Vegetarian food will be on offer from up to 80 stalls. Plus skincare and clothes, talks, cookery demos , and an entertainments arena, as well as an all day licensed bar Hove Centre. 11am – 6pm, £3 adults, £1 kids. . www.brighton.ecoveggiefayre.co.uk

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SAT 20 – SUN 21 MARCH Spring Forward Festival Two days of free events arranged by the Brighton and Hove Learning Partnership. Showcasing and celebrating adult learning in three main venues throughout the weekend: Jubilee Square, Brighton Bandstand and Brighton seafront (between the Piers). ww.bhlp.org.uk

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tuesday 16 march live music in aid of the national autistic society 7pm £tbc

wednesday 17 march

Experience In Mind Animations, films and photography have been created to visually represent young people’s individual experiences of mental health and aims to challenge stereotypes and reduce stigma about issues surrounding mental health. Experience In Mind is run in partnership between Hove YMCA and Mind in Brighton and Hove.

Experience In Mind: Through The Mind’s Eye II, Lighthouse, Kensington Street, 01273 647197.

Thursday 18 March, 6.30–9pm

upstairs: private party to book your private party, wedding or anniversary contact ruth or megan on 01273 687171, email bookings@thelatest.co.uk

downstairs: al start band + zoox grrrl folk at its finest!

8pm £6/£5

friday 19 march

paper faces west sussex folk rock+adhora 8pm £4

ska bar the hot knives+the big head+support 8pm £5

thursday 18 march

saturday 20 march

upstairs: café scientifique louise serpell – how proteins change their shape: insights into alzheimers disease 7.30pm £donations

downstairs: portslade school of rock a showcase of 3 bands from portslade school of rock 3pm–5pm £5

manchester street, brighton tel.

01273 687171

sunday 21 march vineyard the evening service band live+guest musicians 7pm £free

monday 22 march totally to blame youthful indie punk + support 7.30pm £3

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar

021_LS466_film_021_LS466_film 11/03/2010 15:06 Page 1

Supported by

FILM Green Zone (15) Dir: Paul Greengrass

filmhighlight

L7 Film

Thriller starring Matt Damon as a US Army officer charged with finding weapons of mass destruction in occupied Iraq. Not quite the simple ‘Where’s Wally’ we were led to believe.

In fact, his faulty intelligence is leading Damon to think he might be in hiding for nothing, so with a little help from his friends he sets out to track the original intel and find the truth.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Showing this week I Love You Phillip Morris (15) Dir: Glenn Ficarra, John Requa Based on a true story, this stars Jim Carrey as Steven Russell, a happily married copper. However, when he’s rejected by the mother he never knew, he has a change of heart and slams his way out of the closet, moves to Miami and becomes a conman. Soon he’s banged up and meets the love of his life, played by Ewan McGregor.

Then the complicated cons really begin...

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) Dir: Niels Arden Oplev

Shutter Island (15) Dir: Martin Scorsese

It’s 1954 and US Marshals Teddy Daniels (Leonardo Di Caprio) and Chuck Aule (Mark Ruffalo) are sent to investigate the disappearance of a patient from a high security mental hospital. It’s so high security it’s on its own island, 11 miles off the coast of Boston. What would be the point of escaping when there’s nowhere to go? You may well ask, but things get even more curious as Chuck and Teddy find blank faces and tight lips at every turn and a sinister suspicion that all is not what it seems. Then a hurricane hits the island, even more patients escape and Teddy is soon unsure if he can trust anyone – even his partner and his own sanity! Visions will do that to a person... A taut nail-biting thriller of a flick with a great supporting cast including Ben Kingsley, Michelle Williams, Emily Mortimer and Max von Sydow.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Alice In Wonderland 2D & 3D (PG) Dir: Tim Burton

The master of the gothic film turns his eye to the tales of Lewis Carroll, with Alice (Mia Wasikowska) now 19 years old and destined to be married to a rich suitor. When she runs away from a party held in her honour, she once again stumbles across the rabbit hole of her childhood adventures.

Showing at Odeon, Cineworld and Worthing

The Bounty Hunter (12A) Dir: Andy Tennant

Don’t you love it when your ex turns up to grapple you to the ground? So goes

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the plot when bounty hunter Gerard Butler is given his ex wife, investigative journalist Jennifer

Anniston, as his latest job. Romcom shenanigans duly occur.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Journalist Mikael decides to get a bit of distance from his work when he’s done for defamation, but ends up employed

by Swedish industrialist tycoon Vagner to investigate the disappearance and murder of his 16-year-old niece. His research picks up several skeletons, and a lady with a remarkable talent for discovering the undiscoverable.

Showing at Duke of York’s and Cineworld

Exit Through The Gift Shop (15) Dir: Banksy

There’s this amateur documentarymaker in France who decides he wants to track down and film the notoriously private artist Banksy. He also wants to befriend him, ‘cos that’s the kind of guy he is. However, when he finds his quarry, that scamp of a creative Banksy turns the cameras back onto him. Billed as ‘the world's first street art disaster movie’.

Showing at Duke of York’s

SHOWING THIS WEEK 01273 626261

0871 224 4007

0871 200 2000

01903 206206

cineworld.co.uk

picturehouses.co.uk

odeon.co.uk

worthingtheatres.co.uk

TUESDAY 16

TUESDAY 16

TUESDAY 16

TUESDAY 16

Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 12.45, 1.45, 3.30, 4.15, 6.15, 7.00, 9.00 The Crazies (15) 3.00, 6.00, 8.45 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 1.30, 5.00, 8.30 Green Zone (15) 1.00, 3.45, 6.30, 9.15 The Princess And The Frog (U) 12.30 Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll (15) 9.30 A Single Man (12A) 12.15, 2.45, 5.45, 8.15 Shutter Island (15) 1.30, 4.45, 8.15

Citizen Kane (U) 11.00am The Headless Woman (12A) 6.00 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 3.00, 9.00 Exit Through The Gift Shop (15) 1.15

Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 12.20, 1.20, 3.00, 4.00, 5.40, 6.40, 8.15, 9.15 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 12.50, 3.30, 6.10, 8.45 Avatar 3D (12A) 12.40, 4.20, 7.45 The Crazies (15) 9.30 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 1.30, 4.45, 8.00 Green Zone (15) 1.00, 3.40, 6.20, 9.00 Leap Year (PG) 4.10 The Lovely Bones (12A) 1.10, 6.30 Shutter Island (15) 2.30, 5.30, 8.30

Alice In Wonderland (PG) 8.00 Precious (15) 7.30

WEDNESDAY 17

FRIDAY 19 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 2.00, 8.00 Avatar (12A) 4.30 The Last Station (15) 5.00 The Lovely Bones (12A) 8.15

SUNDAY 21

Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 12.20, 1.20, 3.00, 4.00, 5.40, 6.40, 8.15, 9.15 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 12.50, 3.30, 6.10, 8.45 Avatar 3D (12A) 12.40, 4.20, 7.45 The Bounty Hunter (12A) 1.10, 6.00 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 1.30, 4.45, 8.00 Green Zone (15) 1.00, 3.40, 6.20, 9.00 I Love You Phillip Morris (15) 3.50, 8.25 Shutter Island (15) 2.30, 5.30, 8.30

To The Public Danger (44m)/Wide Boy (66m) (tbc) 12.30

THURSDAY 18

WEDNESDAY 17 Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 12.45, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 The Bounty Hunter (12A) 1.00, 3.00, 6.00, 8.45 The Crazies (15) 3.00, 8.45 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 1.30, 5.00, 8.30 Green Zone (15) 1.00, 3.45, 6.30, 9.15 I Love You Phillip Morris (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 A Single Man (12A) 12.15, 5.45 Shutter Island (15) 1.30, 4.45, 8.15

THURSDAY 18 Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 11.45, 2.30, 5.15, 8.00 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 12.45, 3.30, 6.15, 9.00 The Bounty Hunter (12A) 1.00, 3.00, 6.00, 8.45 Bright Star (PG) 10.30am The Crazies (15) 3.00, 8.45 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 1.30, 5.00, 8.30 Green Zone (15) 1.00, 3.45, 6.30, 9.15 I Love You Phillip Morris (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00 The Princess And The Frog (U) 11.00am A Single Man (12A) 12.15, 5.45 Shutter Island (15) 1.30, 4.45, 8.15

WEDNESDAY 17 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 3.45, 9.30 Exit Through The Gift Shop (15) 11.00am The Hurt Locker (15) 6.45

THURSDAY 18 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 3.30, 9.00 Exit Through The Gift Shop (15) 1.00, 6.30

FRIDAY 19 Frankenstein Meets The Wolfman (PG) 11.45pm

SATURDAY 20 Underdog (U) 11.00 (Kids’ Club)

Alice In Wonderland 3D (PG) 12.20, 1.20, 3.00, 4.00, 5.40, 6.40, 8.15, 9.15 Alice In Wonderland 2D (PG) 12.50, 3.30, 6.10, 8.45 Avatar 3D (12A) 12.40, 4.20, 7.45 The Bounty Hunter (12A) 1.10, 6.00 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (18) 1.30, 4.45, 8.00 Green Zone (15) 1.00, 3.40, 6.20, 9.00 I Love You Phillip Morris (15) 3.50, 8.25 Shutter Island (15) 2.30, 5.30, 8.30

MONDAY 22 tbc

Alice In Wonderland (PG) 8.00 Precious (15) 7.30

THURSDAY 18 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 2.00, 8.00 Precious (15) 7.30

SATURDAY 20 Alvin And The Chipmunks: The Squeakquell (PG) 10.15 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 10.30, 5.00 Avatar (12A) 4.30 The Last Station (15) 7.45 The Lovely Bones (12A) 1.30, 8.15 Percy Jackson And The Olympians: The Lightening Thief (PG) 2.00

SUNDAY 21 Alice In Wonderland (PG) 5.00 The Last Station (15) 7.45 The Lovely Bones (12A) 1.30

MONDAY 22 Citizen Kane (U) 2.00 The Last Station (15) 7.45 The Lovely Bones (12A) 4.45

Films showing Friday 19–Monday 22 Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times

WEDNESDAY 17

Films showing Friday 19–Monday 22 The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times

022_LS466_comedy-gay_022_LS466_comedy/gay 12/03/2010 16:00 Page 2

22

COMEDY | GAY LISTINGS

Comedypreview

Gaylistings

> Tuesday 16 March to Monday 22 March > > send your club listings to comedy@thelatest.co.uk

> Tuesday 16 March to Monday 22 March > > send your music listings to gay@thelatest.co.uk

THE HUMBLE QUEST FOR A UNIVERSAL GENIUS

I

t has often been said in recent years that there are a darn lot of comedy nights around Brighton. They have sprung up like daffodils: each welcome, but not necessarily any different from the one next door. Not that that’s a bad thing – we like a proven working formula. But even more than that, we like a new idea. Enter The Humble Quest For Universal Genius.

Its first outing in February brought something new to this comedy city. The format is something like a ramped-up quiz show, with two circuit comics pitted against each other to find a renaissance person for the 21st century. Just because everyone thinks they’re good at everything doesn’t necessarily mean that they are. Bruce Willis, we remember those mid ‘90s albums...

This comedy night is hosted by Powerpoint whiz – and Brighton and Edinburgh festivals old hand – Mark Allen. The two comics in the hot seat to find the elusive talent this month are Joey Page (as heard on BBC Radio 7 and a Brighton regular with his own monthly show at Upstairs At Three And Ten) and the delightful Michael Fabbri, loved by the press and the festivals. Both, luckily for us, know this neck of the woods well, so be prepared for local angles.

Last month’s inaugural show was ram-packed with challenges to the players’ poetry, wit and sense of the surreal, with impersonations and an unusual version of Guess Who making appearances. Who’d’ve thought we could get this much high-calibre creativity at such a bargain price mid-month? Thank you kindly for disregarding the box as you’re designed to think outside of it.

The Humble Quest For A Universal Genius, Komedia, Thursday 18 March, 8pm, £6/4.

Joey Page follow me on twitter

latestvicky

Comedy listings THURSDAY 18 Brian Gittins and Friends Pycombe's finest roadside cafe owner, Mr Brian Gittins welcomes you to another evening of entertainment. Every month Brian introduces two acts he's met on the comedy circuit and somehow co-opted to perform.

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 8pm, £8/6

>

Prince Arthur Comedy Night Fabulous night of free stand-up comedy with some of the countr’ brightest new acts.

Prince Arthur Pub, 8pm, free

>

Smarty Party Cabaret Hosted by the affable Nicholas Richard, tonight will feature a plethora of comedic talents, superlative music acts, tapdancing, DJs and more.

Hanbury Club, 8pm, £6/4/3

>

The Humble Quest For A Universal Genius See highlight.

Komedia, 8pm, £6/4

>

FRIDAY 19 Krater Comedy Club Award-winning comedy.

Eat, drink, watch and laugh. Featuring John Moloney, Jack Whitehall, Beth Black and Joe Wilkinson. MC Stephen Grant.

Komedia, 7.30pm, £14.50/10

>

Showstopper! The Improvised Musical A brand new musical created nightly. This sell-out, award-winning show comes to Brighton for four unmissable shows, guaranteed to beat off the winter blues.

Komedia, 8.30pm, £15/12/10

>

SATURDAY 20 Krater Comedy Club See Friday.

Komedia, 7pm, £17.50 & 10.30, £15

>

Laugh Down Babylon With compere Gerry Bernstein, Lee Hume, Aidan Goatley, Jenny Lorimer, Rue Barratt, Phil Dukes and Ged Butcher.

Carolnie Of Brunswick, 8.30pm, £2

>

Laughing Horse Comedy Stand-up comedy from Ashley Freize, Bethany Black, Lewis Bryan, Ed O'Meara, Andrew Doyle and Rob Dumbbell.

With guest compere Juliet Meyers.

The Quadrant, 8.30pm, £6/5

>

SUNDAY 21 Krater Comedy Club See Friday.

Komedia, 8pm, £11/£6

>

MONDAY 22 Lee Mack: Going Out The critically acclaimed BAFTA-winning comedian returns with a hotly anticipated new show. Bringing his trademark brand of high energy banter, well crafted gags and sharp one-liners on this, his biggest ever live stand-up tour.

Theatre Royal, 8pm, £19.50

>

Noise Next Door For one night only, join white-hot improvised comedy troupe The Noise Next Door and high-energy band, The Morning Orchestra, for a delectable double bill of non-stop entertainment.

The Jam, 8pm, £8/6

>

Victoria Nangle

TUESDAY 16 LEGENDS Wine On Tuesdays. Soak up work blues with BOGOHP on vino! > 11pm–5am, free MARLBOROUGH Bingo’s Not A Dirty Word. With Kath. Winner takes the pot, job done! > 8pm, £1 QUEEN’S ARMS Skint. Unlimited drinks for £10! Plus DJ and karaoke. > 12pm–3am, free R BAR Twisted Karaoke. > 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Sound As A Pound. Eclectic selections from electro, pop, dance and cheese. Plus a hefty raffle prize! > 10.30pm, £1 THE BASEMENT Scene Queen. DJ Li’l Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome! > 11pm–4am, free WEDNESDAY 17 AMSTERDAM Total Request Karaoke. Pick a song to belt out, vid to watch or tune for your audio pleasure! > 8pm, free LEGENDS Gabbi’s Games. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm. > 11am–5am, free MARLBOROUGH Open Mic Night. > 8.30pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS The All New Q-Factor Auditions. 12 finalists, 4 mentors/judges, 1 winner. > 9pm, free R-BAR Midweek Mash Up. DJ Beast playing her finest mash ups from electro pop to darker shades of electric vibes! > 12pm–2am REVENGE Death To Disco. New midweek bash to meet your indie electro pop and alternative beats needs. > 10.30pm, £2 THE BASEMENT Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Dirty handbag and house tunes. > 11pm–4am, free

>highlight GET SOME After a scorching launch bash, this night is set to spark the great fire of Brighton already with a stonking band of loyal clubheads – could this mark the dawn of a new Thursgay? The deck talent sets eyes and ears ablaze with a threesome of Brighton’s best. Expect some funky vocal house mixed up with a tight, dirty electric bassline from the upcoming Miss Masters; downright filthy electro, commercial dance and chart remixes from crowd pleaser, Zack Hadley; plus LadyBex with her trademark Thursday sounds! Get some? Get masses!

Thursday 18 March, Charles Street Club

CHARLES STREET BAR Mad Cow XL: My Cow Is On Fire. > 8pm–3am, £1 (goes to charity) CHARLES STREET CLUB Get Some. See highlight. > 10pm, £1 LEGENDS Coreaoke with Tammy Twinkle. > 11am–5am, free QUEEN’S ARMS Skint. See Tues. > 12pm–12am, free REVENGE Emergency Room. If pop isn't your remedy maybe Emergency Room is your cure! > 10.30pm, £4/free THE BASEMENT DLite. Regular guest DJs lay down commercial house tracks. > 11pm–4am, free

CHARLES STREET BAR Fierce. Tantalising cocktails, reasonable prices and the best funky house and commercial tunes! > 9pm–3am, free IAMBIC ARTS THEATRE Queer Creatuve Writing Workshop. A workshop of fiction/prose writing led by novelist and playwright Roger Moss. > 2pm, £5 LEGENDS Pre-Ignition. Ignition DJ sounds from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. > 7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR AND THEATRE Cherry Pop. Cheesy upbeat classics! > 8pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Peter Davis + Karaoke. > 12pm–12am, free R-BAR Kinky Classics. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous. > Bar open 12pm–7am, free REVENGE Kinky Dangerous. Four top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 6.5 hours of frolics. > 10.30pm, £7/3 THE BASEMENT Ignition. With the funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle. > 11pm–4am, free THE ZONE Presents... Miss Hap. > 9.30pm, free

FRIDAY 19

SUNDAY 21

BULLDOG DJ Marcia + Guy’s Karaoke. Spinning a non-stop club mix to kick the 63-hour weekend into gear! > 10pm–2am, free CHARLES STREET BAR Candyfloss. > 11am, free CHARLES STREET CLUB Curiosity Lite.

Trashy disco pop. > 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 DOCTOR BRIGHTONS Flauncy Friday.

Dance and house. > 9.30pm–2am, free HEIST Brighter Days. Upfront and deep, soulful, funky and jackin’ house! > 9pm–2am, free LEGENDS Pre-Celebration. Pure pop. > 7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Q&A. Indie, electro, soul, punk, and the classics. > 5pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Camp Attack + Karaoke.

Definitive handbag tunes . > 9pm, free R-BAR Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. > 12pm–7am, free REVENGE Lollipop. Join Alex Baker and Stewart T for a night of chart remixes, dance anthems and commercial house. > 10.30pm–5am, £5/free THE BASEMENT Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop and handbag tracks. > 11pm–4am, free

AMSTERDAM Sunday Lunch + Connie's Karaoke. > 12pm–1am, free CHARLES STREET BAR Showtime. Off the wall humour with Lady Imelda. > 7pm, free LEGENDS Sunday cabaret with Dave Lynn & Chill out bar. > 3.15pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Acoustic Jam. > 6pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Large Marge + Betty’s Karaoke. > 12pm, free R-BAR Sublime Sundays + Barmy Bingo.

Relaxing acoustic sessions at 5pm followed by Miss Jason’s barmy Bingo! > 12pm–2am, free THE BASEMENT Fever. Disco and pop remixes. > 11pm–4am, free

THURSDAY 18

SATURDAY 20 AMSTERDAM A-List. Boutique clubbing with some fabulous soulful house sessions. > 9pm, free

MONDAY 22 CHARLES STREET CLUB Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin party tracks spanning four decades.

10pm–2am, £1.50 LEGENDS DWNN Monday Gangbang. A night filled with song, sketches and chat. 11am–5am, free QUEENS ARMS Tammy Twinkle's Cabaret Karaoke Show. 8pm–1am, free THE BASEMENT Chic. Decades of delicious disco anthems. 11pm–4am, free

>

>

> >

023_LS466_reviews_000_LS466_reviews 12/03/2010 11:28 Page 1

REVIEWS 23 Picture: Keith Trigwell

L7 Under review Read more reviews of local shows online at www.thelatest.co.uk HEDDA GABLER Rosamund Pike’s Hedda is a cruel and beautiful beast. As she stalked the stage with flickering eyes, her powercrazed motives were thinly veiled, but her beauty so alluring that all fell under her spell. It was a magnificent performance, matched by Robert Glenister’s Tesman, the spoilt manchild awestruck at winning her as his bride. His jabbering enthusiasm and hopelessness balanced Pike’s controlling frigidity. As Judge Brack, Tim McInnerny effectively held back the lascivious nature of his role until near the climax. Colin Tierney’s Lovborg was manic and desperate.

Anna Carteret as Aunt Juliana was the voice of unquestioning compliance and tradition. Together they built a dense, claustrophobic atmosphere that allowed Ibsen’s portrayal of a society on the edge of moral melt-down.

Theatre Royal Brighton, 8 March ✪✪✪✪✪ Andrew Kay

JAMES MCCARTNEY Here comes the son: James McCartney has a somewhat famous dad, but now’s the time to carve his own niche. That said, he’s happy to acknowledge the effect iconic musicians have had on him, and at this intimate gig he announced different influences as often as he changed instruments (which was pretty much every song). He let the songs speak for themselves, whether it was the sweeping ‘My Friend’, or the thoughtful, jaunty ‘I Love You Dad’. Occasionally, he was able to surrender entirely to channelling Pop’s sense of pop, as in the bombastic ‘Spirit Guide’. This kid’s got wings.

Audio, 8 March ✪✪✪✪✪ Andrew Allen (To read about Macca’s surprise appearance see Celebcity p 9)

MIKA Pop pixie Mika could be the love child of Prince and Kate Bush. In a set running at over 90 minutes he filled the cavernous space with a sense of real joy. Brilliant visuals and effects added to the whole but were never allowed to detract from the truth that this was pure pop at its very best.

Mika writes great songs with witty lyrics, dips them in glitter and then fires them at his audience through a huge entertainment canon. The audience, from seven to seventy, was enthralled.

Brighton Centre, 3 March ✪✪✪✪✪ Andrew Kay

RUSSELL KANE'S FAKESPEARE: THE TRAGIKAL SAVEINGS OF KING NIGEL This was the most refreshing and intelligent piece of comedy theatre I’ve seen in a long time. Russell Kane turns the notion of modernising Shakespeare (drama students performing Othello in rap – shudder) on its head, and tells a modern story of a recession hit banker and his “New Look sale rack wench”, Donna of Billericay, in perfect Shakespearian blank verse.

It was full to bursting with clever jokes and references to our celebrity obsessed, iPhone-driven world, given greater impact by the form in which they were delivered.

Kane has created something truly unique.

Komedia, 28 February ✪✪✪✪✪ Angela Barnes

BANE II A pastiche of film noir, black comedy and comic strip action made this fast-paced one-man show (and guitarist) seriously brilliant. Each and every scene from the award-winning Joe Bone packed in deft details of acute accents and mannerisms for hench men, gangsters, mutant monsters and a cat, to tell a classic revenge tale of hired hit man Bruce Bane’s ‘hits’ (both at and by). Add in mime for those imaginary steps, door locking and monster wading, and this was one exciting gig, original with a capital O. You’d have to be a damn fool to miss Bane III. Upstairs At Three And Ten, 6 March ✪✪✪✪✪ Monica Perdoni

STIFF LITTLE FINGERS Following an electric set from Pauline Murray’s original North East punkers Penetration, Stiff Little Fingers kicked off their latest tour with the timely ‘Wasted Life’. Jake Burns confessed to being 52 years old before launching into ‘At The Edge’, which got the predominately male and 40-plus crowd moshing like a bunch of teenagers. ‘Barbed Wire Love’, dedicated to the late Michael Foot, followed a surprising but well executed cover of The Specials’ ‘Doesn’t Make It Alright’.

New songs such as ‘Lions Club’ were as well received as the classics and, as they finished with ‘Johnny Was’ and the timeless ‘Alternative Ulster’, everyone left very sweaty and happy.

Concorde 2, 3 March ✪✪✪✪✪ Steve Clements

Did you catch Rosamund Pike’s Hedda or Kate Nash’s comeback? comment@thelatest.co.uk

IT’S A NASH UP KATE NASH Komedia 8 March ✪✪✪✪✪

H

aving put on Kate Nash’s first Brighton headline show three years ago, Lout Promotions pulled off a coup with this exclusive intimate show that sold out almost immediately.

It’s been a while since we’ve heard from Ms Nash and it’s hard to believe she’s still only 22. In her absence, Lily Allen has both conquered the pop world and withdrawn from it, while Marina and Ellie have started selling out larger venues. So, what would Kate do next?

Judging by this performance, another rival, or maybe inspiration, appears to be The Ting Tings.

The audience of young kids, old kids and dads with daughters clapped along as Kate and her band marched on to carnival Bontempi beats. Kicking off with ‘You’ll Never Listen’ – the opening track of the forthcoming album (My Best Friend Is You, out 19 April) – her voice and intonation seemed to be the same, as was the arpeggio piano style.

Another newie, ‘Do Wah Doo’ showcased the ‘60s girl group sound she has been referring to in interviews, while old favourite ‘Mouthwash’ brought on the first crowd singalong and ‘Kiss That

Girl’ introduced an edgier, indie sound that remained throughout the set. Unfortunately, this was also the case with the sound mix, which meant the drums often drowned out everything else.

There was plenty of betweensong banter and, following a raucous ‘Take Me To A Higher Plane’, Kate asked everyone to calm down, as it was only a Monday. Her MySpace legacy continues, with fans seeing themselves more as friends.

‘I Hate Seagulls’, was sung solo with guitar, and all were encouraged to join in for ‘I’ve Got A Secret’ about “homophobic pricks”. This trippy chant turned into a great punky racket with Kate sounding surprisingly like Poly Styrene, a theme continued into the next song.

‘R & B Side’ kicked off with funky fatback drums and a dissing of said genre. ‘Merry Happy’ was a reminder of the classic Kate Nash sound with the piano taking a hammering.

We were told there would be no encore and there wasn’t, but ‘I Just Love You More’ was a riproaring Nirvana-esque end. She’s still very much a Marmite act, but I like Marmite.

Steve Clements

>Latest 7 is expanding its live reviews team… ...and we are on the look out for volunteers. Do you have a way with words, a free evening or two and a passion for theatre, music, comedy or dance?

Send two 100 word samples of your reviewing style to bella@thelatest.co.uk

024_LS466_Sports-TV_Column_024_LS466_Sports/TV_Column 12/03/2010 11:12 Page 2

24

SPORT | TV

L7 TV

L7 Sport

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE

816 – 22 MARCH8

Marathon Mary

Telly Talk

Marathon Mary hits the psychological pain barrier

With Victoria Nangle

S

Mind the gap

ince the half marathon I have developed marathon fatigue. Not in the physical sense – the recognised condition where your body simply refuses to keep running past the 18/20 mile point, also known as The Wall. Apparently the solutions to that are nutrition, carb loading, regular glucose intake and not trying to show off by starting out a long run at a pace you can’t possibly maintain.

My problem is more psychological. I haven’t attempted running anywhere near 18 miles for three weeks.

I’m losing my focus and fed up of my programme. An “Nothing has had a apathetic wall, if you like.

I’ve been training hard for six months now. I’ve run when more dramatic and it was so windy that, when I was running west, I had to turn debilitating effect on my head 180 degrees just to my life except the final take a breath. I’ve run in the dark, in the early morning, the year of university and day after a friend’s birthday falling in love” party, through snow, ice, and hangovers. I’ve been on 15 mile runs where the first five miles have been spent on the verge of turning home. I’ve missed social events and work events and I barely see my family. I’ve been ill three times in two months and I’ve taken to coming home from work once a week and going straight to bed at 7pm. Nothing has had a more dramatic and debilitating effect on my life except for the final year of university and falling in love.

This week I am obsessed by how far everyone else has covered. A straw poll of people I know planning to do the marathon has drawn longest runs of: 14 miles, 15 miles, 18 miles and four miles. My longest was 17 miles, but that was before the half marathon and the last mile was walking. This weekend I’m going to try my first 20.

Now we are in the last five week stretch to the big day, I know that the month ahead is the most crucial period of the preparation. There’s no question that I’ll finish the race – I’ve trained hard and long enough and if I have to I will walk, hop and scramble the final miles.

When I signed up, my target was to finish in four-and-a-half hours. Now I’ll be happy if I manage to run the whole course, escape injury and can still walk the day after.

I keep hearing about people who have injured themselves during training and I know I’m lucky to have escaped so far. I also know that if I manage to cover one really long run this week it will give me that sense of personal victory I need to get me motivated again. I’ve stuck the marathon route on my bedroom wall in the hope that one day it will spur me out of bed at dawn for a run before work. It hasn’t worked so far, but if I’ve learned one thing about training for a marathon, it’s that it’s all about hope. I just hope I can kick my backside sufficiently to get back on the road.

The Brighton Marathon 2010 takes place on Sunday 18 April.

I

would like to blame Dan Brown for the mind-boggling state of some of our current American imports. No longer are they satisfied simply to entertain and engage us, but now they must be a mystery wrapped in an enigma surrounded by a question mark to get any kind of commissioning editor’s attention. I’m just saying – can anyone please give me an overview of what Lost was ever supposed to be about?

Puzzles are good. Don’t get me wrong. Hitchcock was a genius at putting questions I hadn’t thought I’d ever ask into my mind. (Does there really need to be a motive for murder other than arrogance? See Rope (1948) for further discussion.) But I always have faith he knows exactly what he is doing and where he is going. The unanswered questions are along the lines of: does intellect detatch and distort the owner’s relationship with the rest of humanity? As opposed to: what happened to the polar bear and why was it so cross?

It is becoming increasingly difficult to show any allegiance to these seemingly organically construsted alternate worlds. At a few series in, there must be a doorstop of a continuity album, as the writers are obviously struggling as much as I am to remember exactly what clues went where and with whom.

What really gets my goat, however, is when, because of the American system of a mid-season break, we inherit these convoluted series in two installments.

Arghhhhhhhh! I have difficulty enough holding all of the strings of the many plot possibilities in my mind for one week, let alone for several months! Lost has done this, but other culprits include Battlestar Gallactica (don’t even get me started on the whole constructed mythology that has devotees rivalling Jedi) and, more recently, FlashForward.

This tale of what happens when everyone gets a glimpse of their future whilst in the throes of a mass blackout has a great cast, good writers and an interesting premise to start with. But if they hint at any more global conspiracies and don’t actually provide a big reveal by the end of this I may have to... write a strongly worded letter to the controller of Five.

The thing is, I’m having to run a web search to even remember what was happening before the big cut off. I remember being peeved about not knowing what was happening next, some English cast members I was very pleased with the American accents of... and the rest sort of drifts off. That’s the problem with a compelling and complicated plot. And a MASSIVE gap in broadcast.

On behalf of folks with not the longest of attention spans, I make this open plea to all channels to STOP BREAKING UP SERIES. I’d like to suggest delaying the broadcast of these shows until they’ve got the complete set in, like the old style Happy Families card game. Please.

Otherwise I’m sure to deliver on my threat – and others will follow – of getting very confused. And simply giving up.

FlashForward Series 1 returns to Five on Monday 22 March with a double episode at 9pm and 10pm. follow me on twitter

latestvicky

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025_LS466_TV_Tues_025_LS466_TV_Tues.qxd 12/03/2010 09:30 Page 1

tuesday 16 One Born Every Minute Channel 4, 9pm Two women are about to give birth to their first babies, and Shelagh’s baby son has a dramatic start in life. Meanwhile, the midwives reminisce about the births they have been part of over the years. Oooh the sounds, the sights! The swearing, the tears, the panting, the pushing, the joy!

Battle For North America BBC2, 9pm Documentary telling the story of the Battle of Quebec, 1759, where the future of North America and the fate of the British Empire were at stake. Britain launched a fleet of 200 ships carrying 20,000 men on a deadly mission through uncharted waters. Dan Snow sails the St Lawrence River, the same route taken by the British.

True Stories: Cocaine Cowboys More4, 10pm Billy Corben’s film chronicles the growth in the cocaine trade in Miami during the ‘70s and ‘80s.

The story is told through the eyes of three key players: importer Jon Roberts, pilot Mickey Munday and enforcer Jorge ‘Rivi’ Ayala. A hard-hitting documentary, not to be sniffed at.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.00pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Missing 2 3.00 BBC News 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Dirtgirlworld 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.40 Shaun The Sheep 3.50 Muddle Earth 4.05 Sport Relief Does We Are The Champions 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Stories that matter from across the country.

7.30 EastEnders The garden makeover plan gathers momentum, much to Lucas’s horror. Phil tries to woo Shirley. Woooo-woooooo.

8.00 Holby City Joseph realises something is going on between Faye and Linden. Mark’s loyalty is torn between Daisha and Judith. Chrissie is alarmed to find Sacha back at Holby; she finds him infuriating. Grrr.

9.00 Richard Hammond’s Invisible Worlds The human eye takes about fifty milliseconds to blink. But it takes our brain around a hundred and fifty milliseconds to process what we see.

In those few milliseconds, there are extraordinary things happening that pass us by. But what if we could break through this speed limit? We would probably be nicked and fined.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 FILM: Wild Hogs (2007) Starring Tim Allen, John Travolta, Ray Liotta and Marisa Tomei. A group of suburban biker wannabes get more than they bargained for. Punctures?

12.10am Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 12.15 Sign Zone: See Hear 12.45 Sign Zone: MasterChef 1.45 Sign Zone: Horizon: Is Everything We Know About The Universe Wrong?

BBC2

6.00am - 9.05 Children’s television 9.05 Louie 9.20 Ethelbert The Tiger (x2) 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary Geography 11.20 Science Clips 11.30 Primary I-D&T – Puppets And Food, Toys And Games 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Nature’s Top 40 1.30 Castle In The Country 2.00 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Antiques Road Trip David Harper and James Lewis stumble upon the most remote antiques dealers they can find. Careless.

7.00 Wonders Of The Solar System Professor Brian Cox reveals how the beauty and order in Earth’s cosmic backyard was formed from nothing more than a chaotic cloud of gas. Someone had been at the beans.

8.00 Sport Relief Does Dragons’ Den Two sisters hope the Dragons will see the potential in their bottom toning prototype, ably demonstrated

by Ruby Wax. Greg Rusedski helps two Irish entrepreneurs pitch their portable sports stadium. Eh? 9.00 Battle For North America See highlights.

10.00 QI Quiz show where guests get more points for being interesting.

10.30 Newsnight Stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman.

11.20 Mad Men Drama series which takes an unflinching look at the world of advertising in 1960s New York.

12.10am Michelin Stars – The Madness Of Perfection William Sitwell investigates the obsessions behind that apparently all-important, ‘Michelin-starred chef’ 1.10 BBC News 4.00 Class Clips 5.00 The Power Of Poetry 5.30 Engineering For The World 2

ITV1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Guest In The Sun 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Lisa faces her day in court. Sally steps her malicious mischief-making up a gear. Tempers flare between Carl and Nicola.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Today’s show features naughty kids, a baby that gives his dad a nose bleed, holiday horrors and a donkey that loves ice cream. Who doesn’t?

8.00 Cops With Cameras Crime series showing police work in the raw. Not naked? Surely not.

9.00 Law & Order: UK When former vice cop Frank McCallum is discovered beaten to death in an underpass, DS Ronnie Brooks and DS Matt Devlin find their investigation going in unexpected directions. There are more surprises in store for Crown Prosecutors James Steel and Alesha Phillips when the accused argues that they acted in self-defence. What really happened to McCallum?

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 Martina Cole’s Lady Killers Today Martina examines the life and crimes of the Victorian baby-killer Amelia Dyer, who is thought to have killed more than 400 infants over a span of 30 years.

11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime Following crime across the country (x2) 1.25 Loose Women 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 The Morning Line 9.20 Will And Grace 9.45 Deal Or No Deal 10.35 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Dolce Vito - Dream Restaurant 12.30 Cheltenham Festival 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

6.00 The Simpsons Liam Neeson plays a hip priest who converts Bart to Catholicism. What’s he like.

6.30 Hollyoaks Des reveals a peculiar nocturnal habit to Nancy.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: How It Is Short documentary looking at the work of Polish artist Miroslaw Balka.

8.00 Jo Frost: Extreme Parental Guidance Parenting expert Jo Frost offers no-nonsense advice.

9.00 One Born Every Minute See highlights 10.00 Shameless Gritty comedy drama set on a Manchester estate.

11.10 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical panel show.

11.40 Comedy Showcase: Guantanamo Phil A series of oneoff comedy specials. Phil Mill from Stoke was enjoying a bird-watching holiday near the Afghan border until his arrest by US Marines on suspicion of being a terrorist. After a six-year campaign he finally returns home, but life in Britain is not quite as he remembers it. More seagulls probably.

12.15am Cheltenham Festival Highlights Featuring a re-run of the Champion Hurdle. 12.45 Betfair World Series Of Poker 1.45 Road To The 2010 FIFA World Cup 2.15 KOTV Boxing Weekly 2.40 Mobil 1 The Grid Motorsport 3.05 World Sport 3.35 Freesports On 4 4.00 AVP Pro Beach Volleyball Tour 4.55 Brief Encounters

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00 - 8.05 Children’s television 8.05 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor (x2) 12.40 Five News 12.45 Axe Men 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 The Family Recipe 2.55 Zoo Days 3.00 FILM: Jenifer (2001) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 Netbusters 12.00pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 Football League 2.30 Netbusters 3.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.00 Netbusters 4.30 Football League 6.00 Football Asia 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 School Of Hard Knocks 10.30 Test Cricket 12.30am Football: UEFA Champions League 1.00 Ford Football Special 2.00 School Of Hard Knocks 2.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 3.00 PGA Tour Classic 4.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 5.30 Football Asia

6.00 Home And Away Mink discovers Xavier has told people about her past. Elijah and Leah dance around their feelings for each other.

Handbags are more traditional.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright and Kate Walsh.

7.30 Chinese Food In Minutes Chinese cookery show with chef Ching-He Huang. Woks at the ready.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers Breakdowns plague the truckers as Lisa’s rig grinds to a halt on the ice.

Alex is waylaid by a flat tyre and leaking antifreeze, while Hugh’s exhaust needs to be replaced.

Elsewhere, Jack hauls a vital load of fuel to Deadhorse. Bit late now!

9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation The CSIs are called to a shoot-out at a gun store involving four people. Gun fight, in a gun store.

Beggars belief, whatever next.

10.00 CSI: Miami The investigation into a series of murders by electrocution is hindered by a rogue cop’s scheme to get his job back.

Ex-E.ON employee per chance?

11.00 CSI: NY The discovery of a 30year-old corpse reveals a secret from Mac’s past. Skeletons in the closet eh.

12.00am The FBI Files Documentary series. 1.00 SuperCasino 4.00 The FBI Files 4.55 Rough Guide To Cities 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Netbusters 9.30 Football League 11.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 12.30pm PGA Tour Classic 1.30 Boots ‘n’ All – The Tries 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 World Golf Championship: CA Championship 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 Mourinho: The Special One 7.00 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 Football: UEFA Champions League Highlights 10.30 Ford Football Special 11.30 Revista De La Liga 12.30am School Of Hard Knocks 1.00 European Poker Championship 2.00 Sailing 2.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Racing News Special 8.30 Snow Ride 9.00 World Golf Championship 10.00 PGA Tour Golf 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Poker 2.00 Snow Ride 2.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 3.00 Max Power 4.00 WWE Smackdown 6.00 Sailing 6.30 Boots ‘n’ All - The Tries 7.30 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 European Poker Championship 11.00 Sailing 11.30 Asian Tour Golf Show 12.00am Golf 1.00 Ladies PGA Golf 2.00 Asian Tour Golf Show 2.30 World Cup Of Pool 3.30 Close

Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.30pm Oops TV 1.00 Lie To Me 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Project Runway 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Stargate Universe 9.00 Caprica 10.00 Fringe 11.00 Lost 12.00am Caprica 1.00 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 9.00 Last Woman Standing 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Gemma Factor 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Last Woman Standing 12.45am The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 1.45 The Gemma Factor

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Clarissa And The King’s Cookbook 8.00 France On A Plate 9.00 Fat Man In A White Hat 10.00 Barbados At The Races: Storyville 10.30 Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit 11.30 Mark Lawson Talks To Claudia Roden 12.30am Barbados At The Races: Storyville 1.00 France On A Plate

1.00pm Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 Judge Judy 5.00 American Idol: 8 Boys 6.00 American Idol: Results 7.00 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button 8.00 What Katie Did Next 9.00 The Vampire Diaries 10.00 FILM: Wedding Daze (2007) 11.55 Celebrity Juice (x2) 12.55am Emmerdale

12.00pm Wycliffe 1.05 Heartbeat 2.05 Ballykissangel 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 On The Buses 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 Wire In The Blood 12.00am Reckless 1.00 Wycliffe

12.10pm Wildfire 1.05 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 11.00 Shameless 12.10am Skins 1.00 How I Met Your Mother 1.45 Scrubs (x2)

3.20pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Are The Filthy Fulfords Now? 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 See highlights 12.35am Come Dine With Me

2.30pm Nothing To Declare 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 New America’s Next Top Model 9.00 Super Secret Celebrity Weddings 10.00 Changing Faces: Katie Price 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.00pm MythBusters 2.00 Gun Camera 3.00 The First World War 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Massive Engines (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Swords: Life On The Line 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)

1.00pm 3rd Rock From The Sun 1.30 FILM: Past Tense (1994) 3.20 FILM: Locusts: Day Of Destruction (2005) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 Eastwick (x2) 10.00 FILM: Ice Twisters (2009) 11.50 Medium 12.50am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 3.00 Sea Of Souls 4.00 Impact

12.05pm Houseboat (1958) 2.05 Sullivan’s Travels (1941) 3.45 How To Marry A Millionaire (1953) 5.25 Apache (1954) 7.00 Houseboat (1958) 9.00 The Hustler (1961) 11.20 Compulsion (1959) 1.15am A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) 3.30 Fixed Bayonets (1951)

12.20pm Being John Malkovich (1999) 2.15 The Edge Of Heaven (2007) 4.15 Margot At The Wedding (2007) 5.50 Julia (2008) 8.15 Plunkett And Macleane (1999) 10.00 Being John Malkovich (1999) 11.55 Serial Mom (1994) 1.30am Julia (2008) 3.55 Serial Mom (1994)

11.00am From Hell To Texas (1958) 12.55pm The Gunfighter (1950) 2.35 The Black Swan (1942) 4.15 Green Zone Special 4.20 All About Eve (1950) 7.00 Aquamarine (2006) 9.00 Sahara (2005) 11.20 A History Of Violence (2005) 1.10am The Warrior (2001) 2.50 Lovely Bones Special 3.00 Close

12.00pm The Screening Room 12.55 Eight On The Lam (1967) 3.00 Paris Blues (1961) 4.55 A Rumor Of Angels (1999) 7.05 Miracles (1985) 9.00 Crimes And Misdemeanors (1989) 11.05 Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush (1968) 1.10am Crimes And Misdemeanors (1989) 3.00 Teleshopping

3.20pm The Green Green Grass 4.00 Only Fools And Horses (x2) 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Yes, Prime Minister (x2) 8.40 Porridge 9.20 Fawlty Towers 10.00 The Royle Family 10.40 Blackadder Goes Forth 11.20 The Smell Of Reeves And Mortimer 12.00am The Thin Blue Line

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 1.10 South Park

Classics

Indie

S M 6. fir En St th by 11 in sk Bi pr Ch N M Tw m fo Th Br N go So bi Ru 4. in sk Co M Tw m fo Th Br As As ne Re pr th Gi of th Ha se un tu im w fir En

026_LS466_TV_Weds_026_LS466_TV_Weds.qxd 12/03/2010 15:35 Page 1

wednesday 17 The Berlusconi Show BBC2, 7pm Sex scandals, divorce and a brutal assault in Milan: 2009 was a tough year for Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

Reporter Mark Franchetti finds an Italy completely divided between those who love Silvio and those who hate him – but Berlusconi seems to thrive in the face of adversity.

Shameless Channel 4, 11pm Gritty comedy drama series set on a Manchester estate.

Wedding bells are in the air on the estate as the Maguires exploit a new money-making scheme. Shane asks Kelly to marry him but his dream is shattered when she turns him down. Oh dear Kelly, you know you don’t say no to a Maguire.

Shrink Rap More4, 10pm Joan Rivers, the world’s highestpaid comic, opens her emotional floodgates to Billy’s missus.

Among the subjects on the agenda are her betrayal by chat show host Johnny Carson, her bulimia, and her anger that hubbie Edgar committed suicide, leaving her in financial ruin.

She’s been through, it our Joan.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.00pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Missing 2 3.00 BBC News 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Dirtgirlworld 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.40 Shaun The Sheep 3.50 Muddle Earth 4.05 Sport Relief Does We Are The Champions 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley present the stories that matter across the country.

7.30 Life Of Riley Sitcom. Maddy decides that she needs to spend more quality time with her husband, but in doing so almost kills him.

8.00 MasterChef John Torode and Gregg Wallace continue their search for the country’s best amateur cook.

9.00 Tourettes: I Swear I Can’t Help It Documentary revisiting John Davidson, who featured in a BBC film about Tourettes syndrome in 1988, and 15-year-old Greg Storey, who the cameras met when they revisited John in 2002.

10.00 BBC News At Ten national 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Gotta be in it to win it.

10.45 Damages Acclaimed American legal drama. Louis Tobin is questioned by Patty Hewes.

11.25 Film 2010 With Jonathan Ross Jonathan Ross nestles into the presenter’s chair for the final time.

11.55 FILM: The Deep (1977) Undersea adventure about a couple who become involved in a dangerous conflict with treasure hunters.

1.55am Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 2.00 Sign Zone: MasterChef (x2) 3.30 Sign Zone: Muslim Driving School (x2)

BBC2

6.00 - 7.30 Children’s television 7.30 Space Hoppers 8.00 Dead Gorgeous 8.30 Zigby 8.40 Pinky Dinky Doo 8.55 Pinky Dinky Doo 9.05 Louie 9.20 Ethelbert The Tiger 9.25 Ethelbert The Tiger 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Nature’s Top 40 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Scrambled, fried, or poached, they’re still one brainy team you wouldn’t like at the pub quiz.

6.30 Antiques Road Trip It’s all going swimmingly until David buys a bowl that could spell disaster for him. No! Don’t say it’s from Ikea!

7.00 The Berlusconi Show See highlights 8.00 Coast This programme covers the Welsh coast from Cardigan Bay to the Dee. Miranda looks for leatherback turtles. They’re there look... next to the PVC porpoises. Silly.

9.00 Inside John Lewis A documentary series going behind the scenes of John Lewis.

10.00 Rhod Gilbert’s Work Experience Wales’s leading stand up comic tries out some proper jobs and this week he attempts to be a mother. Give his cooking a heckle.

10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 The Bubble Comedy news quiz hosted by David Mitchell.

11.50 A Band For Britain Sue takes the rejuvenated Dinnington Colliery Band into battle as its bedraggled players prepare to take the stage at the famous brass band competition at Hardraw Scar in North Yorkshire.

Cue fanfare for Perkins, please.

12.50am BBC News 4.00 Democracy In Action 5.00 Democracy In Action

ITV1

Channel 4

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Nicola is beside herself when Angelica disappears.

Olena feels unwelcome at the Dingles. Sally secretly stalks Ashley.

7.30 UEFA Champions League: Barcelona V Stuttgart European champions Barcelona will be looking to finish the job against Stuttgart at the Nou Camp after gaining a draw in Germany in the first leg. It took a second half equaliser from Zlatan Ibrahimovic to get the Catalan giants back into the tie after a nervous opening against a team managed by former Spurs boss Christian Gross.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 UEFA Champions League Extra Time Highlights of all the midweek action. How strong will the English challenge for European honours be this year, as the Champs League reduces to just eight teams?

11.35 Cops With Cameras Cameras capture the aftermath of a horrific brawl in North London, and back in Barnet, the police find something they were not expecting in a bag seized from a fleeing drug suspect.

12.25am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Crime On patrol with police in their never-ending battle against criminals and law breakers. 1.20 Loose Women. 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show. 3.05 ITV Nightscreen. 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons After a preschool children’s concert goes wrong, leading to a tax rise to pay for the damage, the childless of Springfield start a campaign against them.

6.30 Hollyoaks Des doesn’t remember urinating on Nancy’s bed.

Bet Nancy does though. Dirty Des. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: How It Is Short documentary looking at the work of Polish artist Miroslaw Balka.

8.00 Relocation, Relocation Property advice for househunters.

Phil Spencer revisits Allison and Mark, who had previously moved from London to a £700,000 home in Kent.

9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA Gordon visits Fleming, a Danish restaurant in Miami. Probably burnt their pastries.

10.00 Desperate Housewives Gabrielle goes out of her way to get her daughter into Catholic school.

She never sleeps with the Pope?

11.00 Shameless See highlights 12.00am Cheltenham Festival Highlights A review of the second day’s action from the festival. 12.35 4 Music: Red Bull Music Academy.

12.50 4 Music: The Album Chart Show. 1.20 Barclaycard Mercury Prize Sessions: Florence And The Machine.

1.35 This Week’s 4Music Top 20. 3.20 St Elsewhere. 4.10 Year Dot. 4.40 3 Minute Wonder: Behind The Hoodie.

4.45 Battlefront Television.

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Guest In The Sun 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 The Morning Line 9.20 Will And Grace 9.50 Deal Or No Deal 10.35 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Dolce Vito - Dream Restaurant 12.30 Cheltenham Festival 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am - 8.05C hildren’s television 8.05 8.05Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.40 Five News 12.45 Axe Men 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.05 FILM: Mystery Woman: Vision Of A Murder (2005) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Angelo and Charlie try to work out their feelings.

Annie returns to Summer Bay. 6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright and Kate Walsh.

7.30 Highland Emergency Royal Navy Rescue 177 races to the aid of a horse rider with suspected spinal injuries, an RAF SAR team faces great danger while rescuing two climbers trapped on a sheer wall of ice, and the air ambulance crew airlifts the victim of a road accident.

8.00 The Business Inspector New series. Self-made millionaire Hilary Devey gives advice to struggling businesses. Hilary travels to Milton Keynes to help a pair of florists to help make their business bloom.

9.00 NCIS Drama series following the US Navy’s federal agency.

10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Logan and Barek investigate when a secret service agent is found bludgeoned to death in her home.

11.00 Numb3rs When the agents intercept a robbery, they are shocked to discover bank notes from a 1971 plane hijack and unsolved robbery.

Still legal tender? Spend ‘em.

11.55 PartyPoker: The Classics Classic poker action.1.00am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.05 The FBI Files. 4.55 Rough Guide To Eco Escapes. 5.10 Neighbours. 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 9.30 Football Asia 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.00 European Poker Championship 12.00pm Revista De La Liga 1.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 1.30 Football Asia 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 3.30 Football Asia 4.00 Revista De La Liga 5.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 LIVE Football: UEFA Champions League 10.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 10.30 You’re On Sky Sports 12.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All 2.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 2.30 You’re On Sky Sports 4.00 Poker

Sky Sports 2 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Racing News Special 8.30 Snow Ride 9.00 Sailing 9.30 Snowboard Diaries 10.00 Airsports World 10.30 World Cup Of Pool 11.30 Snowboard Diaries 12.00pm Max Power 1.00 Airsports World 1.30 Snowboard Diaries 2.00 European Poker Championship 3.00 World Cup Of Pool 4.00 Masters Tennis 6.00 LIVE Indian Wells Masters Tennis 12.00am European Tour Weekly 12.30 Inside The PGA Tour 1.00 Golf 2.00 European Tour Weekly 2.30 Sailing 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 9.00 Golf 10.00 Ladies PGA Golf 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 World Cup Of Pool 2.00 Golf 3.00 Ladies PGA Golf 4.00 WWE The Bottom Line 5.00 WWE Afterburn 6.00 Sailing 6.30 Inside The PGA Tour 7.00 Golf 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 European Tour Weekly 9.30 Inside The PGA Tour 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Total Rugby 11.30 Sailing 12.00am Trans World Sport Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

2.00pm Angela And Friends 3.30 Project Runway 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 The World Wild Vet 9.00 The Real A & E 10.00 A League Of Their Own 11.00 Greatest Champions League Goals 12.00am Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man 9.00 FILM: Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement (2004) 10.50 Family Guy (x2) 11.35 The Gemma Factor 12.05am Hotter Than My Daughter 12.35 Snog Marry Avoid?

1.05 Undercover Princesses 2.05 Dancing On Wheels

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 It’s Only A Theory 8.00 Growing Babies 9.00 The Man Who Ate Everything 10.00 Mad Men 10.45 Women 11.45 The Man Who Ate Everything 12.45am The Man Who Shot The 60s 1.45 It’s Only A Theory 2.15 The Man Who Ate Everything 3.15 Women 4.15 Sacred Music

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 The Ricki Lake Show 5.30 Judge Judy (x3) 6.30 Black Eyed Peas: The Hot Desk 6.45 Beat The Star 8.00 American Idol: 12 Finalists 9.00 Gossip Girl 10.00 American Idol: 12 Finalists 11.00 FILM: What Women Want (2000) 1.35am Emmerdale

12.00pm Wycliffe 1.05 Heartbeat 2.05 Ballykissangel 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 On The Buses 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.00 Canterbury Tales 11.05 Ladies Of Letters (x2) 12.10am Wycliffe

2.05pm Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) 11.05 The Cleveland Show 11.35 King Of The Hill 12.05am How I Met Your Mother 12.35 Scrubs (x2)

3.20 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 Shrink Rap. See highlights 11.05 Half Ton Dad 12.10am The Good Wife

1.00pm Canada’s Next Top Model 2.00 Four Weddings 2.30 Nothing To Declare 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Changing Faces: Sharon Osbourne 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 Medium 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Gun Camera 3.00 The First World War 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Massive Engines (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 JFK: Inside The Target Car 10.00 Human Sacrifice 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files (x2) 2.00 Forensic Detectives

1.00pm 3rd Rock From The Sun 1.30 FILM: Firestorm: Last Stand At Yellowstone (2006) 3.20 FILM: 30000 Leagues Under The Sea (2007) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 Final Days Of Planet Earth (x2) 11.40 Medium 12.40am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 3.00 Sea Of Souls

1.05pm Abbott And Costello Meet The Killer Boris Karloff (1949) 2.35 Abbott And Costello Meet The Mummy (1955) 4.35 Les Miserables (1935) 6.35 Around The World In 80 Days (1956) 9.30 Drums Along The Mohawk (1939) 11.20 Love Story (1970) 1.10am Vertigo (1958)

9.00am Two Lovers (2008) 11.00 Three And Out (2008) 12.45pm Burn After Reading (2008) 2.25 Hero (2002) 4.15 Angel (2007) 6.25 Two Lovers (2008) 8.25 Once (2006) 10.00 Burn After Reading (2008) 11.40 Hero (2002) 1.25am Angel (2007) 3.25 Best (2000)

11.00am Panic In The Streets (1950) 12.50pm The Eve Of Saint Mark (1944) 2.40 Young At Heart (1954) 4.55 The Drum (1938) 6.50 In Good Company (2004) 9.00 She’s The Man (2006) 11.00 Hostage (2005) 1.10am Some Voices (2000) 3.10 Green Zone Special 3.20 Close

9.10am A Rumor Of Angels (1999) 11.15 Miracles (1985) 1.00pm Hour Of The Gun (1967) 3.00 Avanti!

(1972) 6.15 The Screening Room 7.00 Along Came Jones (1945) 9.00 Still Of The Night (1982) 10.50 Surviving Picasso (1996) 1.30am Hi Mom! (1970) 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 Hour Of The Gun (1967)

1.20pm After You’ve Gone 2.00 My Family (x2) 3.20 As Time Goes By (x2) 4.40 Porridge 5.20 Blackadder Goes Forth 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 The Good Life 8.05 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 10.00 Gavin And Stacey 10.40 Absolutely Fabulous 11.20 Smack The Pony (x2) 12.20am French And Saunders

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Grouchy Young Men 10.30 Comedy Store: Ed Byrne Special 11.00 Sex And The City (x2) 12.10am Two And A Half Men (x2)

Classics

Indie

027_LS466_TV_Thurs_027_LS466_TV_Thurs.qxd 12/03/2010 09:38 Page 1

thursday 18 The Lady And The Revamp Channel 4, 9pm Documentary following The Lady magazine’s new editor, Rachel Johnson (Boris’ sister, don’tcha know) as she tries to turn around the fate of the long-running women’s weekly. The established workforce and loyal readers do not take kindly to the smallest of changes to their beloved magazine. She’s a lady!

Afraid To Be Gay: Tonight ITV1, 7.30pm Gareth ‘Alfie’ Thomas is the first openly gay professional rugby player still playing the game. In this special report, Gareth uses hidden camera footage to find out the truth about our attitude to homosexuality, and explores a recent rise in the number of homophobic attacks. Should provide some interesting results.

Skins E4, 10pm What have those naughty Bristolian tykes been up to now?

Well, the domestic situation at Naomi’s has come to a head and there are multiple showdowns as the teenagers collide with the adult world and chuck their toys out of the pram. One to avoid if your child is about to enter their adolescent years. Mwa-ha-ha!

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.00pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Missing 2 3.00 BBC News 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Dirtgirlworld 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.40 Shaun The Sheep 3.50 Muddle Earth 4.05 Sport Relief Does We Are The Champions 4.35 Relic: Guardians Of The Museum 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley present stories that matter from across the country.

7.30 EastEnders Shirley uncovers Phil’s big surprise and is filled with utter dread, and Ronnie has a huge decision to make. Bus or tube?

8.00 MasterChef The contestants face the pressure of the professional kitchen at the Criterion restaurant in Piccadilly Circus, and in the second they must make the grade at fish restaurant Catch. Fishfinger sarnie.

9.00 Million Pound Bike Ride: A Sport Relief Challenge David Walliams recruits Miranda Hart, Davina McCall, Jimmy Carr, Russell Howard, Patrick Kielty and Fearne Cotton to attempt a non-stop cycle relay between John O’Groats and Lands End, for Sport Relief. Ouch, sore bums all round, then.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time Topical debate from Wythenshawe, Manchester.

11.35 This Week A political review of the week.12.20am Skiing Weatherview Detailed weather forecast. 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Sign Zone: Countryfile 1.55 Sign Zone: Seven Ages Of Britain 2.55 Sign Zone: Tropic Of Cancer 3.55 Sign Zone: Lark Rise To Candleford 4.55 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am - 8.55 Children’s television 8.55 Pinky Dinky Doo 9.05 Louie 9.20 Ethelbert The Tiger (x2) 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary History 11.20 Science Clips 11.30 Primary Dance 11.45 Primary Creative Arts Around The World - India 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Open Gardens 1.30 Castle In The Country 2.00 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Formidable quiz team including millionaire winner Judith Keppel and former Brain of Britain Chris Hughes. No Humpty Dumpty? He’s be good.

6.30 Antiques Road Trip Antiques experts David Harper and James Lewis travel from Liverpool to Market Harborough. Loadsa money.

7.00 Henry Moore: A Culture Show Special Presented by Alan Yentob, the programme takes a unique approach to Moore by examining his life on film. Long before Andy Warhol, Henry Moore embraced the medium of TV and film as a way of showing off his works.

8.00 Museum Of Life In the first of this new series, Jimmy gets to grips with Darwin’s finches, Dippy the Diplodicus and a radical project aiming to hold back extinction.

9.00 The People’s Politician After a shocking year for relations between people and politicians, two retiring MPs, Ann Widdecombe and Richard Caborn, are challenged to heal the rift between them and us. Pah! 10.00 The Bubble Comedy news quiz hosted by David Mitchell.

10.30 Newsnight Analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.20 Women Has feminism had an impact on gender roles in the family.

12.20am Henry Moore: A Culture Show Special Repeat.1.20 BBC News. 4.00 Science On The Ground

ITV1

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 The Morning Line 9.20 Will And Grace 9.50 Deal Or No Deal 10.35 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Dolce Vito - Dream Restaurant 12.30 Cheltenham Festival 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions

6.00am - 8.20 Children’s television 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor (x2) 12.40 Five News 12.45 Axe Men 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 The Family Recipe 2.55 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.10 FILM: Murder 101: College Can Be Murder (2007) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ashley is stunned when Sally pays him a visit. Rodney awkwardly keeps up his pretence with Sue. His name’s really Dave?

7.30 Afraid To Be Gay: Tonight See highlights.

8.00 Emmerdale Nicola tries to lay down the law at home. Lino is easier.

8.30 Coronation Street Will Jackie sabotage Tyrone’s plan to get back with Molly? Is stalker Mary back for the reluctant Norris? Steady Nozzer!

9.00 The Bill: Impact The search goes on for the gunman who murdered Paul Sorrell after Devon Marshall and Jedda Atkins are released due to lack of evidence.

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 Car Crime UK Trevor MacDonald presents. The Intercept team use a sniffer dog to search a drug dealer’s car and proceed to find £2000 worth of cocaine and ketamine. Bet it was a shcnauzer.

11.35 The Last Word A look at some of the big stories in the region.

12.05am In Plain Sight Mary and Eleanor attempt to piece together the facts of events from 20 years earlier.

12.50 Loose Women 1.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show 2.35 Afraid To Be Gay: Tonight. 3.00 ITV Nightscreen Text-based information service.

5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons Bart enters his new robot into the Robot Rumble TV show without realising that it’s Homer in a costume. Meanwhile, Lisa has cat trouble. No-one’s purr-fect.

6.30 Hollyoaks Myra throws a house party after a big win on the bingo.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder: How It Is The film explores Balka’s preoccupation with the interplay between our personal and collective histories and culminates in a visit to Treblinka, the site of Poland’s largest concentration camp.

8.00 Country House Rescue Carnfield Hall is a hotchpotch of Elizabethan, Jacobean and Victorian architecture. James bought Carnfield Hall as a wreck 22 years ago and single-handedly restored the house to its former glory. Good old B&Q. 9.00 The Lady And The Revamp See highlights.

10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Music by Florence and the Machine.

10.50 Hung Ray accompanies Jemma to a counselling session.

11.25 Hung Tanya meets someone who may overcome her writer’s block.

12.00am Cheltenham Festival Highlights Racing experts look at where the money was won and lost.

12.35 Chris Moyles’ Quiz 1.25 Alone In The Wild 2.20 5ive Days To Midnight 3.50 The War At Home 4.15 Year Dot 4.45 Battlefront Television

6.00 Home And Away Annie admits she is in love with Romeo. Poor Juliet.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright and Kate Walsh.

7.30 Europa League Football Live Europa League football action as Liverpool play host to French side Lille OSC for the second leg of their Round of 16 tie.

10.10 FILM: In Hell (2003) Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme, Lawrence Taylor, Lloyd Battista and Carlos Gomez.

Violent prison drama. An American working in Russia is jailed for life after killing the man who murdered his wife. He ends up in a tough jail where the sadistic governor makes inmates fight each other for money, and begins taking part in these fights, before his cellmate urges him to save himself.

12.10am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.05 The FBI Files Documentary series that charts the work of the FBI’s crime laboratory and goes behind the scenes of major investigations. The FBI’s crime lab – the largest such facility in the world – grapples with fraud, drug trafficking, kidnapping, murder, extortion and terrorism. Forensic scientists pore over bullets, bombs, fingerprints and fibres in a bid to catch hardened criminals. 4.55 Rough Guide To Weekend Breaks 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Guest In The Sun 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

Five

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Football: UEFA Champions League 9.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 Total Rugby 11.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 12.00pm European Tour Weekly 12.30 LIVE European Tour Golf: Hassan II Golf Trophy 4.30 Football: UEFA Champions League 5.00 ATP Tour Uncovered 5.30 The Rugby Club 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 LIVE Darts: Premier League 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 The Rugby Club 12.30am Football: UEFA Champions League 1.00 Darts: Premier League 4.30 Time Of Our Lives 5.30 Barclays Premier League World

Sky Sports 2 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Racing News Special 8.30 Snow Ride 9.00 Sailing 9.30 Golf 10.30 Inside The PGA Tour 11.00 Sorsa Project Snowboarding 11.30 Trans World Sport 12.30pm FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.00 Football: UEFA Champions League Highlights 1.30 Total Rugby 2.00 Trans World Sport 3.00 Football: UEFA Champions League Highlights 3.30 Total Rugby 4.00 Boots ‘n’ All 5.00 Watersports World 6.00 Sailing 6.30 The Dogs 7.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 10.00 European Tour Golf: Hassan II Golf Trophy 11.30 Sailing 12.00am PGA Tour Golf 3.00 European Tour Golf: Hassan II Golf Trophy 4.30 The Dogs 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 11.00am Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Boots ‘n’ All 2.00 Snow Ride 2.30 Sorsa Project Snowboarding 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Trans World Sport 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 Race World 7.00 Masters Tennis 9.00 LIVE Indian Wells Masters Tennis 11.00 WWE Late Night Raw 1.00am WWE NXT 2.00 Championship Rugby League 4.00 Sailing 4.30 Close Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

2.00pm Angela And Friends 3.30 Project Runway 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 9.00 A League Of Their Own 9.30 Glenn Martin, DDS 10.00 Bones 11.00 NCIS: LA 12.00am A League Of Their Own 12.30 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 9.00 Dancing On Wheels 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Dancing On Wheels 1.15 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 2.15 Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Only Connect 8.00 Chemistry: A Volatile History 9.00 Kings Of Pastry: Storyville 10.25 Fear Of Fanny 11.45 Mark Lawson Talks To Imelda Staunton 12.45am The Art Of Eternity 1.45 The Art Of Eternity (x2) 3.45 Only Connect 4.15 Mark Lawson Talks To Imelda S

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 The Ricki Lake Show 5.30 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 New You’ve Been Framed! 7.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 8.00 American Idol: Results 9.00 What Katie Did Next 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.45 FILM: The Bodyguard (1992) 1.20am Coronation Street

12.00pm Wycliffe 1.05 Heartbeat 2.05 Ballykissangel 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 On The Buses 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 The Darling Buds Of May 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 Numb3rs 11.05 FILM: Kes (1969) 1.15am Wycliffe

1.05 Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2)9.00 The Big Bang Theory 9.30 How I Met Your Mother 10.00 Skins See highlights 11.05 Glee 12.05am How I Met Your Mother

2.50pm The Coach Trip 3.20 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 The Good Wife 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 The Closer 12.00am The Good Wife

12.00pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.00 Canada’s Next Top Model 2.00 Four Weddings 2.30 Nothing To Declare 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Medium 9.00 Grey’s Anatomy 10.00 Criminal Minds (x2) 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Gun Camera 3.00 The First World War 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Massive Engines (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Extreme Loggers 10.00 Swords: Life On The Line 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files (x2) 2.00 Forensic Detectives

12.00pm Buffy The Vampire Slayer 1.00 FILM: Loch Ness (1996) 3.00 FILM: Lava Storm (2008) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 Legend Of The Seeker 9.00 Sanctuary 10.00 FILM: The Land That Time Forgot (1975) 11.50 Medium 12.50am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 3.00 Sea Of Souls

12.55pm Notorious (1946) 2.45 Detective Story (1951) 4.30 For Whom The Bell Tolls (1943) 7.10 Shenandoah (1965) 9.00 Catch-22 (1970) 11.05 Seven Days In May (1964) 1.15am Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? (1966) 3.35 The Blue Dahlia (1946) 5.25 The Big Clock (1948)

1.30pm The Portrait Of A Lady (1996) 4.00 The Apostle (1997) 6.20 Bart Got A Room (2008) 7.50 Mongol (2007) 10.00 Choke (2008) 11.40 The Baader Meinhof Complex (2008) 2.15am The Movie Geek 2.45 Control (2007) 5.00 Damon/Greengrass Face 2 Face

11.00am Metropolis (2001) 1.10pm The Guinea Pig (1948) 3.05 Torpedo Run (1958) 4.55 River Of No Return (1954) 6.40 Green Zone Special 6.50 Gallipoli (1981) 9.00 Cellular (2004) 10.50 The 51st State (2001) 12.35am Little Otik (1998) 3.10 Lovely Bones Special 3.20 Close

11.00am Along Came Jones (1945) 1.00pm The House On Carroll Street (1988) 3.00 The Sea Chase (1955) 5.15 Arizona Whirlwind (1944) 6.35 The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming! (1966) 9.00 Hidden Agenda (1990) 11.05 They Call Me Mister Tibbs! (1970) 1.15am Hidden Agenda (1990) 3.00 Teleshopping

2.00pm The Brittas Empire (x2) 3.20 Keeping Up Appearances 4.05 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 Steptoe And Son 8.00 Only Fools And Horses 9.20 Gavin And Stacey 10.00 Fawlty Towers 10.40 Men Behaving Badly 11.20 Game On 12.00am A Bit Of Fry And Laurie

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 FILM: Police Academy: Mission To Moscow (1994) 11.40 Sex And The City (x2) 12.50am Two And A Half Men (x2)

Classics

Indie

028_LS466_TV_Fri_028_LS466_TV_Fri.qxd 12/03/2010 15:25 Page 1

friday 19 Sport Relief 2010 BBC1, 7pm Star-studded night of fundraising entertainment. Highlights include A Question of Sport Relief and Match of the Day Does MasterChef, Ashes To Ashes, Strictly Come Dancing, Outnumbered, Mock The Week and The One Show. With music from Robbie Williams and Cheryl Cole. Red socks on please.

Dancing On Ice Friday ITV1, 8pm There is a peek at Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean’s training week as they step up the pressure on the remaining celebs and give us a taste of their upcoming performances on the Dancing On Ice tour. Ray Quinn and Chris Fountain are in the studio to pass on their tips.

Always wear two pairs of socks.

Film: The Simpsons Movie Film4 9pm When their home town of Springfield becomes dangerously polluted, largely because of Homer’s illegal waste dumping, it is sealed off by a giant glass dome. Can Homer rectify his mistake and rescue the town?

How many parodies can you spot in this film? OK, we’ll give you Spider-Pig. So many more...

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.00pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Missing 2 3.00 BBC News 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Dirtgirlworld 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.40 Shaun The Sheep 3.50 Muddle Earth 4.05 Sport Relief Does We Are The Champions 4.35 Gastronuts 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today Regional news and weather.

7.00 Sport Relief 2010 See highlights 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today Regional news and weather. Will it be sunglasses or wellies? Hmmm.

10.35 Sport Relief 2010 The starstudded night of fun and fundraising continues, with stars from across the BBC hoping to top 2008s total of 28 million pounds. Donations needed for an extremely worthy cause.

1.30am Million Pound Bike Ride: A Sport Relief Challenge David Walliams recruits Miranda Hart, Davina McCall, Jimmy Carr, Russell Howard, Patrick Kielty and Fearne Cotton to attempt a non-stop cycle relay between John O’Groats and Lands End, for Sport Relief. The gruelling four-day challenge involves cycling almost 1,000 miles through day and night, during the coldest winter for thirty years. Good grief! Hope they had their thermals on. Saddle-sore maybe, excellent effort, definitely.

2.30 Weatherview Detailed weather forecast.

2.35 BBC News BBC One joins the BBC’s rolling news channel for a night of news, with bulletins on the hour and the headlines every 15 minutes.

BBC2

6.00 – 8.40 Children’s television 8.40 Pinky Dinky Doo 8.55 Pinky Dinky Doo 9.05 Louie 9.20 Ethelbert The Tiger x2 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary Class Clips 11.15 Emotional Literacy 11.25 Primary Class Clips 11.40 Look And Read 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Open Gardens 1.30 Castle In The Country 2.00 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Antiques Road Trip James Lewis and David Harper who are shopping in Derbyshire before selling at auction in Market Harborough. Will James’s local knowledge be advantageous? Where to get the cheapest pint? Best chippy?

7.00 Coast Neil Oliver experiences the dangerous quicksands of Morecambe Bay. 8.00 Mastermind The specialist subjects include the Child Ballads and the life and work of Baudelaire. I’ve started so I’ll finish. Oh, OK then.

8.30 Gardeners’ World Gardening magazine. Toby Buckland is tidying up the Bee Border at Greenacre, sounds likes he’s a buzz-y man. Sorry.

9.00 Mastercrafts Three hopefuls learn stonemasonry.

10.00 Sport Relief 2010 The Sport Relief marathon continues.

10.35 Newsnight Analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines.

11.05 The Review Show Culture discussion programme.

11.45 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Results.

11.55 Heroes Matt continues his battle to resists Sylar’s domination.

12.35am FILM: Dead Ringers (1988) A disturbing story of twin brothers who run a fertility clinic.

2.25 FILM: Scream Of Fear (1961)

ITV1

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 The Morning Line 9.20 Will And Grace 9.50 Deal Or No Deal 10.35 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Dolce Vito – Dream Restaurant 12.30 Cheltenham Festival 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 The Simpsons

6.00 – 7.50 Children’s television 7.50 Noddy In Toyland 8.05 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.40 Five News 12.45 Axe Men 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.05 FILM: A Time To Remember (2003) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News & Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Ashley reels following his ordeal.

7.30 Coronation Street Can Kevin hide the truth about Molly from Tyrone? Gail spends her first day in prison. Who did steal her chin?

8.00 Dancing On Ice Friday See highlights.

8.30 Coronation Street Can David and Tina adjust to life without a loved one? Kevin tells Molly to stay away from his family. Kelly expects a reward for her loyalty – but will Nick deliver? Deliver what? Pizza?

9.00 Michael Winner’s Dining Stars Michael Winner must decide who will travel to his London mansion to cook for his celebrity dinner party. His star guests include Sir Roger Moore, Christine Bleakley and Kym Marsh. Will they be impressed with the food or will Michael end up with egg on his face?

10.00 ITV News At Ten & Weather 10.35 FILM: Parting Shots (1998) Starring Felicity Kendal, John Cleese, Bob Hoskins, Ben Kingsley, Oliver Reed and Joanna Lumley.

12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Emergency Steve Scott goes on the scene.

1.25 FILM: Clean And Sober (1988) Provocative addiction drama.

3.25 ITV Nightscreen

6.00 The Simpsons Marge gives the kids an unforgettable history lesson with tales about Henry VIII. He liked wedding cake it would seem.

6.30 Hollyoaks It’s Josh’s birthday and Ste finds him hungover on the sofa. Better than head down the loo.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.25 Cheltenham Festival Highlights: Gold Cup Re-Run Dissection of the afternoon’s big race.

7.30 Dom Joly And The Black Island Retracing the steps of iconic fictional Belgian reporter Tintin.

8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Yorkshire Dales or Lanzarote?

Yorkshire, every time. Aye lad.

9.00 Embarrassing Bodies Christian Jessen and Pixie McKenna revisit some of their bravest patients from previous shows, including a woman with a giant vagina and another lady with black teeth. Oh no, not at all embarrassing. Taxi!

10.00 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night James Nesbitt, Fearne Cotton and Jimmy Carr compete in a quiz.

10.50 FILM: Without A Paddle (2004) Three friends set off in search of treasure. Tried the end of the rainbow? 12.40am Cheltenham Festival Highlights Repeat from earlier. 1.15 4 Music: Barclaycard Mercury Prize Sessions 1.30 No, No, No. 1.35 A Ninja Is For Life, Not Just For Christmas 1.40 5ive Days To Midnight Sci-fi thriller.

6.00 Home And Away Elijah and Leah struggle with their feelings.

Liam brushes Martha off. That fluff gets everywhere.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright and Kate Walsh.

7.30 Building The Ultimate This instalment reveals the history of the aircraft carrier, including an interview with Eric Brown, the first man to land a jet on a heaving carrier deck.

8.00 Highland Emergency It is December and the cruel Scottish winter is at its peak, pushing the elite search and rescue teams to their limit. The Royal Navy searches for a missing surfer and rescues an elderly man who has fallen from a cliff.

9.00 The Mentalist The murder of an architect at an old mansion uncovers some sensational tales of ghostly apparitions, hidden treasure and jealous relatives. Sounds fun.

10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Goren and Eames investigate the death of an urban explorer who is found in a water tower. Bit parched?

11.00 NCIS The suspicious death of a petty officer leads the agents to a zealous neighbourhood-watch group.

Curtain-twitchers beware!

12.00am SuperCasino Live interactive gaming. 4.05 Motorsport Mundial 4.30 Great Scientists 4.55 Rough Guide To Islands 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 House Guest In The Sun 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

Five

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Darts: Premier League 12.30pm LIVE European Tour Golf: Hassan II Golf Trophy 4.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.00 World Sport 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 Football League Weekend 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 LIVE Friday Fight Night 12.00am Barclays Premier League Preview 12.30 Super League 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Football League Weekend 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.30 World Sport

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE: Raw 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 Sailing 10.00 The Rugby Club 11.00 Netball: Super League 1.00pm The Rugby Club 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 3.00 Trans World Sport 4.00 The Rugby Club 5.00 NFL: Total Access 6.00 Sailing 6.30 IEX Magazine 7.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 10.00 European Tour Golf: Hassan II Golf Trophy 11.30 Sailing 12.00am Tight Lines 1.00 Football League Weekend 2.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 2.30 Sailing 3.00 LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Racing News Special 8.30 The Dogs 9.00 Race World 10.00 Terje’s Seasons’ Pass 10.30 The Dogs 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Trans World Sport 1.00 Race World 2.00 Snow Ride 2.30 Terje’s Seasons’ Pass 3.00 WWE: Raw 5.00 Live Super 14 Rugby Union 7.00 World Sport 7.30 LIVE IFA Premiership 10.00 Football League Weekend 11.00 WWE: Late Night Smackdown 1.00am WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 2.00 PGA Tour Golf 5.00 Snow Ride 5.30 IEX Magazine

Melina Greenfield

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Lie To Me 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Project Runway 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 WWE 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Best Of Oops TV 9.00 Lost 10.00 A League Of Their Own 10.30 Glenn Martin, DDS 11.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.50 Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 The World’s Toughest Driving Tests 9.00 Cannabis: Britain’s Secret Farms 10.00 FILM: Kill Bill Vol 1 (2003) 11.45 Family Guy (x2) 12.30am Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps Special (x2) 1.30 The Gemma Factor 2.00 Undercover Princesses 3.00 Summer Heights High (x2)

7.00pm News 7.30 Sacred Music 8.30 Barbados At The Races: Storyville 9.00 Prog Rock Britannia: An Observation In Three Movements 10.30 Prog At The BBC 11.30 Newswipe With Charlie Brooker 12.00am Paws, Claws And Videotape 1.00 Prog Rock Britannia: An Observation In Three Movements

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 Judge Judy (x3) 6.00 Taylor Swift: The Hot Desk 6.10 Dancing On Ice 7.30 Dancing On Ice The Skate-Off 8.00 The Vampire Diaries 9.00 FILM: The Matrix Reloaded (2003) 11.40 Coronation Street (x2) 12.40am What Katie Did Next 1.45 Celebrity Juice

12.00pm Wycliffe 1.05 Heartbeat 2.05 Ballykissangel 3.10 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 On The Buses 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 Pie In The Sky 9.00 Kingdom (x2) 11.05 FILM: The Presidio (1988) 1.05am Wycliffe 2.00 The Beiderbecke Affair

1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 Rude Tube 10.05 Wife Swap 11.10 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 12.00am How I Met Your Mother 12.30 Scrubs (x2)

3.20pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.25 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 FILM: The Magdalene Sisters (2002) 11.20 Heroes Of Comedy 12.20am FILM: The Magdalene Sisters (2002)

11.00am Maury 11.55 Celebs 24/7 12.00pm 60 Minute Makeover 1.00 Canada’s Next Top Model 2.00 Four Weddings 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Medium 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI (x3) 1.00 am Canada’s Next Top Model

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm The First World War 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Massive Machines (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Hitler: A Profile 10.00 Bloody Britain: Jack The Ripper 10.30 Bloody Britain 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)

12.00pm Buffy The Vampire Slayer 1.00 FILM: Frozen Impact (2002) 3.00 FILM: Termination Point (2007) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: Silent Venom (2009) 10.40 FILM: Shark Attack: The Movie (2005) 12.20am Legend Of The Seeker 1.20 Buffy The Vampire Slayer 1.40 Angel

11.40am Operation Petticoat (1959) 1.45pm The Disorderly Orderly (1964) 3.20 The Virgin Queen (1955) 5.00 Shadow Of A Doubt (1943) 7.00 Operation Petticoat (1959) 9.00 West Side Story (1961) 11.35 Road To Utopia (1945) 1.15am Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun (1969)

9.00am Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 11.00 The Movie Geek 11.30 War, Inc (2008) 1.20pm Being John Malkovich (1999) 3.20 The Kite Runner (2007) 5.30 Joan Of Arc (1999) 8.10 War, Inc (2008) 10.00 Blindness (2008) 12.05am Being John Malkovich (1999) 2.10 Joan Of Arc

11.00am The Gunfighter (1950) 12.40pm Carrington VC (1954) 2.45 D-Day The Sixth Of June (1956) 4.50 Do Not Disturb (1965) 6.50 Last Holiday (2006) 9.00 The Simpsons Movie (2007) See highlights 10.50 Day Watch (2006) 1.15am The Man Who Wasn’t There (2001) 3.30 Green Zone Special 3.40 Close

9.15am Arizona Whirlwind (1944) 10.35 Arizona Whirlwind (1944) 1.00pm Kid Galahad (1962) 3.00 Sayonara (1957) 6.00 Woman In The Window (1945) 9.00 The Adventures Of Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert (1994) 11.00 Go Tell The Spartans (1978) 1.15am The Adventures Of Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert (1994)

2.40pm My Family 3.20 As Time Goes By (x2) 4.40 Only Fools And Horses 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 The Good Life 8.00 The Good Life 8.35 Porridge 9.15 Fawlty Towers 10.00 The Royle Family 10.40 Porridge 11.20 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps (x2) 12.40am The Royle Family

6.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Grouchy Young Men 9.30 Michael McIntyre At The Comedy Store 10.30 South Park 11.00 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 11.30 Grouchy Young Men 12.00am Lee Evans Live In Scotland

Classics

Indie

029_LS466_TV_Sat_029_LS466_TV_Sat.qxd 12/03/2010 15:22 Page 1

saturday 20 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Bruce Forsyth ITV1, 8.30pm Eight decades in show business.

Just think about it. That’s an awful lot of tap shoes and cuddly toys. Bruce Forsyth survived wars, game shows and the flu, and is ready to share all on the ups and downs of his life with Piers M. By Jiminy, that Bruce knows how to prolong a career.

Heroes BBC2, 10.15pm & 11pm Altogether now – we don’t need another he-ro. ‘Cos we’ve only just got our heads around the ones we’ve already got! They’re tricksy. Luckily, after all the schedule chopping and changing, there’s a double episode to get us right back on track. You know – with Sylar, the circus and stopping for Thanksgiving. Stuff.

Wycliffe; Pie In The Sky; Agatha Christie’s Poirot; Lewis; Murder In Mind ITV3, 3.35pm onwards Fed up with the world just not tying up neatly and being too darn messy? Petty problems getting you down? ITV3 has just the thing with an entire afternoon and evening of detective shows, with clues leading to answers leading to resolution. There there.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.35 Rachel Allen: Home Cooking 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 South East Today 12.15 Football Focus 1.00 The Best Of Sport Relief 2010 2.00 Six Nations Rugby: Wales V Italy 4.30 Six Nations Rugby: Ireland V Scotland

7.00 BBC News 7.10 South East Today 7.15 Six Nations Rugby: France V England John Inverdale presents the climax to this year’s Six Nations championship as Martin Johnson’s England side travel to Paris to face France at the Stade de France. Both nations harboured hopes of winning the championship after making strong starts to the campaign. France showed their class when outplaying Ireland last month, while England’s more pragmatic approach was still too good for the likes of Wales and Italy. Eddie Butler and Brian Moore are the commentators.

10.00 The National Lottery Draws The National Lottery draws.

Presented by Scott Mills. Who he?

10.10 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker has highlights from the day’s Premier League matches. Arsenal and West Ham share the need for all three points at the Emirates Stadium, with the Gunners hoping to regain the Premier League title they last won in 2004 and the Hammers are fighting relegation.

11.50 The Football League Show Highlights hosted by Manish Bhasin.

It is time for those with real promotion hopes to show their credentials. Who has GCSE PE? 1.05am Weatherview 1.10 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow 2.10 News

BBC2

6.00am Little Robots 6.10 Little Robots 6.20 Clifford The Big Red Dog 6.35 Brum 6.45 Pinky Dinky Doo 7.00 Dennis & Gnasher 7.15 Sportsround 7.40 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 8.00 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 8.30 Jump Nation 9.30 Prank Patrol 10.00 Ed And Oucho’s Excellent Inventions 10.30 Keep Your Enemies Close 11.00 Dani’s House 11.30 My Life 12.00pm Greek 12.45 Single, Together, Whatever 1.15 The 5.19 Show 1.40 The Cut 2.05 FILM: Sodom And Gomorrah (1962) 4.30 Final Score 5.25 FILM: Nicholas Nickleby (2002) 7.30 The Great Offices Of State Series in which reporter Michael Cockerell uncovers the secret world of Whitehall, showing what the trio of great offices – Home, Foreign and Treasury – are really like. Wonder if there are lots of filing cabinets in them. And a ‘You Don’t Have To Be Mad To Work Here, But It Helps’ sign.

8.30 Michael Portillo: Power To The People Michael Portillo has lived and worked in Westminster for much of his life, but now he thinks British politics is in dire straits. So could the answer lie in giving more power to the people? Portillo sets outs on a journey to find how we could all be given more of a say on the issues which matter to us – from directly elected mayors, to enabling parents to set up their own schools, to residents taking over the village shop, to electing our own police chiefs. Sounds a bit feudal.

9.30 QI XL Quiz show in which extra points are gained if answers are ‘quite interesting’. Stephen Fry glances gleefully at gardens and other subjects starting with the letter G in this extended show. With David Mitchell, Rob Brydon, Dara O Briain and Alan Davies.

10.15 Heroes See highlights.

11.00 Heroes See highlights.

11.45 Lizzie And Sarah 12.15am FILM: Stick It (2006) 1.50 FILM: Tsotsi (2005)

ITV1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.40 Emu 9.55 Tricky Quickies 10.00 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 10.30 Lion Country 11.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 12.00pm ITV News & Weather 12.10 This Morning: Saturday 1.10 Midsomer Murders 3.15 Meridian News And Weather 3.30 FILM: Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone (2001)

6.15 ITV News; Weather 6.30 New You’ve Been Framed!

Harry Hill guides us through more footage filmed by viewers on their camcorders and mobile phones. Do they ever leave home without them?

7.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp It is the last episode of the series, and Harry is sure to have something special up his sleeve. Fight! Plus, find out which knitted entry will triumph in the mighty K Factor as Harry reveals the winner of the Not Live Final!

7.30 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button Ant and Dec invite two more unsuspecting families to battle for an opportunity to win some big money.

The chance to get rid of some of that pesky recession debt.

8.30 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Bruce Forsyth See highlights.

9.30 FILM: Casino Royale (2006) Starring Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Mads Mikkelsen, Dame Judi Dench. Actionpacked reboot of the James Bond series. Newly-qualified agent 007 is sent on his first mission – investigating banker Le Chiffre, who is suspected of aiding international terrorists.

11.15 ITV News & Weather 11.30 FILM: Casino Royale Blimmin ‘eck, he looks buff!

12.30am FILM: In The Name Of The Father (1993) 2.45 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 World Sport 7.30 Road To The 2010 FIFA World Cup 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Friends 9.25 Glee 10.20 4Music Favourites: Craig David 10.50 Chipmunk: Video Exclusive 10.55 Pixie Lott’s Sexy Pop Top 10 11.55 Ultimate Traveller 1.00pm Smallville: Superman The Early Years 1.55 Channel 4 Racing 3.55 Three Hungry Boys 4.25 Come Dine With Me 4.55 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 5.25 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 5.55 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 FILM: Titanic (1997) Starring Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kathy Bates, Billy Zane, Bernard Hill and David Warner. Epic, multi-Oscarwinning romantic drama about a poor Irish artist and a rich debutante who meet and fall in love on the famously ill-fated maiden voyage of the ‘unsinkable’ RMS Titanic in 1912. Despite her engagement to the heir to a steel fortune, the vibrant young woman defies her family and friends to pursue true love. Soon the pair are caught up in a passion that is as all-consuming as it is doomed. By. An. Iceberg.

10.35 FILM: The Departed (2006) Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, Martin Sheen and Mark Wahlberg. Oscarwinning gangster drama as two men from either side of the criminal divide in mob-controlled Boston cross over to go undercover with their enemies.

However, as the presence of a mole is detected in both the police and the mob ranks, they are each assigned the job of finding the other’s identity while trying to avoid their true identities being made public.

1.20am Alan Carr: Chatty Man 2.05 FILM: Hedwig And The Angry Inch (2001) 3.40 Lula Fantastic 3.45 The War At Home 4.10 3 Minute Wonder 4.15 Dispatches: Children Of Gaza 5.10 Scrapheap Challenge

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Hana’s Helpline 8.15 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.30 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.50 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Europa League Football 11.05 The Gadget Show 12.05pm Star Wars In Concert: The Making Of 12.30 FlashForward: What Did You See? 1.30 Chinese Food In Minutes 2.00 FILM: They Were Expendable (1945) 4.30 FILM: The Sea Chase (1955) 6.50 Five News 6.55 NCIS Drama series following the US Navy’s dedicated federal agency. Gibbs recalls his painful past when he is taken to hospital after being seriously injured in an explosion. Something like the scar competition in Jaws, perhaps?

7.40 NCIS Drama series. The team work on an assignment against a terrorist group without Gibbs, who is still recovering, but he may be the only person who can help. Catch 22.

8.35 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation US drama series. The discovery of a badly decomposed body in a chemical waste drum on a farm soon uncovers a strange world of robotic sports in which the increasing influence of the machine culminates in death.

9.30 CSI: NY Crime drama series.

The murder of a former drug addict uncovers a sinister insurance scam worth millions of dollars.

10.30 Law And Order American drama series. Fontana and Green probe the murder of an undercover journalist who was investigating a notorious Latino gang.

11.30 Crime Scene Academy Documentary.

12.00am SuperCasino 4.05 House Doctor 4.30 HouseBusters 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 Football League Weekend 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Football League: Championship 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x4) 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 World Sport 12.00pm Max Power 1.00 LIVE European Tour Golf: Hassan II Golf Trophy 5.00 Scottish Premier League 5.30 LIVE Super League 8.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 10.00 European Tour Golf: Hassan II Golf Trophy 11.30 Sailing 12.00am Max Power 1.00 Scottish Premier League 1.30 Spanish Football 2.55 Hyundai A League Grand Final 3.25 LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Barclays Premier League Preview 6.30 Sailing 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 LIVE Hyundai A League Grand Final 10.00 WWE Smackdown 12.00pm LIVE Scottish Premier League 2.30 Hyundai A League Grand Final 3.00 Test Cricket 5.00 Masters Tennis 7.00 LIVE Indian Wells Masters Tennis 11.00 WWE Late Night Superstars 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 WWE Smackdown 3.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 4.00 Max Power 5.00 Sailing 5.30 Hyundai A League Grand Final

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

2.00pm The Real A & E 3.00 Fat Families 4.00 The World Wild Vet 5.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 6.00 Futurama 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 Glenn Martin, DDS 8.00 Best Of Oops TV 9.00 FILM: What Lies Beneath (2000) 11.30 Fringe 12.30am A League Of Their Own 1.00 Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm The Real Hustle On Holiday (x2) 8.00 Top Gear 9.00 Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man 10.00 FILM: Kill Bill Vol 1 (2003) 11.45 Family Guy 12.05am American Dad! (x2) 12.50 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 1.50 Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man 2.50 The Real Hustle On Holiday (x2) 3.50 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2)

7.00pm Life 8.00 Henry Moore: Carving A Reputation 9.20 Wallander 10.50 The Armstrong And Miller Show 11.20 Newswipe With Charlie Brooker 11.50 Leeds International Piano Competition 2009 12.50am BBC Proms 2009: Berlioz And Mendelssohn 3.00 Synth Britannia

1.30pm Holiday Showdown 2.30 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button 3.30 American Idol: 12 Finalists 5.30 American Idol: Results 6.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 7.00 FILM: Dragonheart (1996) 9.00 FILM: The Matrix Revolutions (2003) 11.35 FILM: Hannibal Rising (2007) 1.55am Harry Hill’s TV Burp 2.20 Celebrity Juice

10.05 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman (x2) 12.05pm FILM: Pride & Prejudice (2005) 2.35 The Darling Buds Of May 3.35 Wycliffe. See highlights. 4.45 Pie In The Sky 5.50 Agatha Christie’s Poirot (x2) 9.00 Lewis 11.00 Murder In Mind (x2) 1.15 Reckless 2.05 The Beiderbecke Connection 3.00 Teleshopping

12.50pm Supernanny 1.55 How To Look Good Naked 2.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 90210 6.55 The Big Bang Theory 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: The Day After Tomorrow (2004) 11.20 FILM: Bedazzled (2000) 1.10am Supernanny 2.10 Gok’s Fashion Fix

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.30 Time Team (x4) 1.35 FILM: Operation Crossbow (1965) 3.50 Grand Designs Revisited (x4) 9.00 FILM: Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee (2007) 11.40 Eddie Izzard - Circle 1.20am FILM: Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee (2007)

12.00pm Four Weddings (x5) 3.00 Changing Faces: Sharon Osbourne 4.00 FILM: The Next Karate Kid (1994) 6.10 Celebs 24/7 6.30 Nothing To Declare (x5) 9.00 Criminal Minds (x2) 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 12.00am Medium 1.00 Nothing To Declare (x4) 3.00 Exposed: Nicole Richie

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

12.00pm Raging Planet (x6) 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 8.00 How It’s Made (x2) 9.00 Christianity: A History 10.00 Human Sacrifice 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files (x2) 2.00 Forensic Detectives (x2) 3.50 Human Sacrifice 4.40 World War II In HD Colour

1.00pm Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x6) 7.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Lost Treasure Of Ugarit (2008) 9.00 FILM: The Land That Time Forgot (1975) 10.50 FILM: Raging Sharks (2005) 12.40am Heroes 1.40 Heroes 2.40 Heroes 4.00 FILM: Jack Hunter: The Lost Treasure Of Ugarit (2008)

10.50am High Noon (1952) 12.25pm The Greatest Show On Earth (1952) 3.00 The Blue Max (1966) 5.40 Guns Of August (1964) 7.30 High Noon (1952) 9.00 The Greatest Show On Earth (1952) 11.35 Viva Zapata! (1951) 1.40am Marnie (1964) 4.00 The Blue Max (1966)

11.00am Hero (2002) 12.50pm The Bank Job (2008) 2.45 Das Boot - The Director’s Cut (1981) 6.10 Hero (2002) 8.00 She Hate Me (2004) 10.20 Do The Right Thing (1989) 12.20am The Bank Job (2008) 2.15 Serial Mom (1994) 3.55 Tube Tales (1999)

11.00am The Mudlark (1950) 1.00pm Hope Floats (1998) 3.10 My Darling Clementine (1946) 5.00 Cheaper By The Dozen (1950) 6.40 Around The World In 80 Days (2004) 9.00 Along Came A Spider (2001) 11.05 A History Of Violence (2005) 12.55am Swingers (1996) 2.50 Green Zone Special

10.00am Woman In The Window (1945) 12.00pm The Screening Room 1.00 Once Upon A Crime (1992) 3.00 Charlie Chan And The Curse Of The Dragon Queen (1981) 5.00 Fluke (1995) 7.00 Vera Cruz (1954) 9.00 Class (1983) 11.05 Army Of Darkness (1993) 1.05am Class (1983) 3.00 Teleshopping

8.50am Porridge 9.30 Only Fools And Horses (x10) 10.00 Jonathan Creek 11.20 The Comic Strip Presents... 12.00am The Comic Strip Presents...

12.40 Blackadder Goes Forth 1.20 French And Saunders 2.00 Butterflies 2.30 The Comic Strip Presents...

3.00 Home Shopping

5.00pm Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Lee Evans Live In Scotland 10.30 Peter Kay At The Comedy Store 11.00 FILM: Police Academy: Mission To Moscow (1994) 12.40am Michael McIntyre At The Comedy Store

Classics

Indie

030_LS466_TV_Sun_021_LS466_TV_Sun.qxd 12/03/2010 09:49 Page 1

sunday 21 Boyzone Tribute To Stephen Gately ITV1, 8.30pm Boyzone host an evening celebrating the life of their bandmate, Stephen Gately, who tragically died last year. Special guests come from the world of pop – including Girls Aloud and Robbie Williams – and Stephen’s life off stage. A fitting tribute to a man who died far too young.

The Restoration Man Channel 4, 9pm A bit like Grand Designs, but with more planning permission.

George Clarke travels the length of the country meeting people who want to restore architectural treasures. The series kicks off with Mark Horton’s story of buying an 18th century folly to turn into a luxury family home.

Expect doubts and rewards.

Trophy Kids More 4, 10.10pm Part of the Cutting Edge series, focusing on the relationships between four sets of parents and their talented sporting children.

Much has been made of the stage parent before, but what of the sports parent? As they sacrifice all to propel them to success, is it really worth it for either generation? Interesting.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 Sport Relief: Helen’s Amazon Adventure 1.45 Match Of The Day Live: Leicester City V Coventry City 4.05 The Sport Relief Mile Show 5.35 BBC News 5.50 South East Today

6.00 Countryfile Julia Bradbury takes to the skies over Wales on a mission to help restore the peat bogs that criss-cross the Brecon Beacons.

7.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce and the team greet over four thousand visitors who flocked to Hopetoun House on the banks of the Forth in Scotland for one of the busiest Roadshows on record.

8.00 Lark Rise To Candleford Costume drama. Mischief Night is approaching and the folks of Lark Rise and Candleford are planning tricks to play on their neighbours.

9.00 Seven Ages Of Britain David Dimbleby tells the story of Britain through its art and treasure.

10.00 BBC News 10.15 South East Today 10.25 Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man Series which follows comedian Eddie Izzard rising to the challenge for Sport Relief by running an astonishing 43 marathons in 51 days.

11.25 FILM: High Heels And Low Lifes (2001) Starring Minnie Driver, Mary McCormack, Kevin McNally, Mark Williams and Danny Dyer.

Action-packed comedy about two young women who become embroiled in a dangerous battle of wits with hardened criminals.

12.50am Weatherview 12.55 Sign Zone: Berlin 1.55 Holby City 2.55 God Bless You Barack Obama? 3.55 Sun, Sex And Holiday Madness 4.55 News

BBC2

6.00 – 7.00am Children’s television 7.00 Arthur 7.15 Dennis & Gnasher 7.25 Dennis & Gnasher 7.40 The Basil Brush Show 8.05 Jinx 8.25 Leon 8.30 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 9.00 Tracy Beaker Returns 9.30 Spirit Warriors 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 On Thin Ice 12.20pm Monk 1.00 EastEnders 2.25 FILM: The Kid () 4.00 Escape To The Country 4.30 Songs Of Praise 5.05 Richard Hammond’s Engineering Connections 5.55 Sport Relief Does Dragons’ Den 7.00 Top Gear Motoring news and views from the usual team. Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May decide to buy secondhand lorries despite knowing almost nothing about the world of trucks, and then set about discovering how easy it is to be an HGV driver. Ha! 8.00 Tropic Of Cancer Simon Reeve continues his epic journey around the world following the Tropic of Cancer.

The second leg of the journey sees Simon dodge the Moroccan secret police in Western Sahara, travel on one of the world’s longest trains in Mauritania, and take a swim in a Libyan oasis with a government minder who bears an uncanny resemblance to Colonel Gadaffi.

9.00 Wonders Of The Solar System Professor Brian Cox describes how the laws of nature have carved natural wonders across the solar system.

10.00 Match Of The Day 2 The last word on the weekend’s Premier League action.

11.00 FILM: The Three Burials Of Melquiades Estrada (2005) Starring Barry Pepper, Julio Cedillo.

A rookie patrolman in a US border town mistakenly kills the Mexican illegal immigrant Melquiades Estrada.

More stuff happens.

12.55am FILM: Gumshoe (1971) 2.20 BBC News 4.55 The Super League Show Super

ITV1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.45 ITV News & Weather 12.00pm This Morning: Sunday 1.00 Columbo And The Murder Of A Rock Star 3.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.10 Foyle’s War

6.15 Meridian News; Weather 6.30 ITV News & Weather 6.50 Harry Hill’s TV Burp It is the last episode of the series, so another chance to catch yesterday’s farewell.

7.20 Dancing On Ice Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby present the semi-final stage of this year’s competition with just four celebrities left to fight it out for a coveted spot in next week’s final.

8.30 Boyzone Tribute To Stephen Gately See highlights.

9.30 Dancing On Ice – The SkateOff Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby reveal the results of the public vote. The two couples with the fewest votes must battle it out in the skate-off for a place in next week’s final, and then it is up to the judges to decide who goes home.

10.00 ITV News & Weather 10.15 Mary Nightingale Interviews Nick Clegg With unprecedented behind the scenes access, this revealing profile explores both the personal and political life of Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg.

His turn really, after all the attention the others got.

11.15 Piers Morgan On Sandbanks 12.25am UEFA Champions League 12.55 FILM: Don’t Look Now (1973) 2.45 Coastal Kitchen 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.05am The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.20 The British Gas Great Swim Series 8.10 Mobil 1 The Grid 8.40 Freesports On 4 9.10 The Hills 9.40 Friends 10.10 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.40pm Ultimate Traveller 1.45 Friends 2.15 Friends 2.45 90210 3.40 The Simpsons 4.10 The Simpsons 4.40 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Glee

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Embarrassing Bodies Christian Jessen and Pixie McKenna revisit some of their bravest patients from previous shows, including a woman with a giant vagina and a lady with black teeth.

8.00 Come Dine With Me Reality series in which people compete to stage the best dinner-party. The culinary contest visits Dudley, where aspiring WAG Amanda, podium dancing plumber Sophie, grow-yourown fan Ian and super-critical Khakan battle for dinner-party supremacy.

9.00 The Restoration Man See highlights.

10.05 FILM: Road To Perdition (2002) Starring Tom Hanks, Paul Newman, Tyler Hoechlin, Jennifer Jason-Leigh and Daniel Craig.

Complex and violent Oscar-winning noir thriller set in 1930s gangland Chicago as a hit man and his son go on the road seeking revenge after the murder of their family. Enraged at the killing of his wife and youngest son, the assassin embarks on a path of bloody retribution leading to his crime syndicate boss’s deranged son. More revenge anyone? We have a taker.

12.20am The Finishing Line 12.50 FILM: The Story Of The Weeping Camel (2003) 2.30 Get The Picture 2.40 Runaway 3.25 Hill Street Blues 4.20 St Elsewhere 5.10 Year Dot 5.40 Battlefront

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00 – 8.30am Children’s television 8.30 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.45 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Hannah Montana 10.35 Wizards Of Waverly Place 11.10 Zoo Days 11.20 FlashForward: What Did You See?12.20pm Ice Road Truckers 1.20 Brits Who Made The Modern World 1.50 FILM: Sugarfoot (1951) 3.25 FILM: Krull (1983) 5.45 Five News 5.55 FILM: Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005) 8.00 FILM: Into The Blue (2005) Starring Paul Walker, Jessica Alba, Scott Caan, Ashley Scott, Josh Brolin and James Frain. Underwater adventure about a group of divers who find themselves in deep trouble with a drug lord after discovering the illicit cargo of a crashed plane. That kind of catalyst is not usually the start of a beautiful friendship. Shame.

Reaching across barriers and all that.

10.00 FILM: Snatch (2000) Starring Benicio Del Toro, Dennis Farina, Vinnie Jones, Brad Pitt, Jason Statham and Alan Ford. Violent comedy crime caper centred around three groups of villains intent on retrieving a missing diamond. Two friends team up with a pugilistic gypsy to fix a boxing match, but their opponent also arranges some dodgy betting with the courier of the stolen diamond, who subsequently goes missing. When a gangster from New York arrives on the scene, things really start to get complicated.

12.05am FlashForward: What Did You See? Ahead of the US drama’s return, this special programme looks back at the first ten episodes of the series. 1.05 SuperCasino 4.05 HouseBusters 4.30 HouseBusters 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday (x2) 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Football Special 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am Spanish Football 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.25 LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 Seamaster Sailing 12.00pm Wild Spirits 12.30 IEX Magazine 1.00 Live European Tour Golf: Hassan II Golf Trophy 5.00 Test Cricket 7.00 LIVE PGA Tour Golf 10.00 European Tour Golf: Hassan II Golf Trophy 11.30 Sailing 12.00am Wild Spirits 12.30 PGA Tour Golf 3.30 European Tour Golf: Hassan II Golf Trophy 5.00 Sailing 5.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 Seamaster Sailing 7.30 This Week In WWE 8.00 WWE: Vintage Collection 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 Sailing 10.30 Super League 12.00pm This Week In WWE 12.30 World Sport 1.00 Masters Tennis 3.00 Live LV Cup Final Rugby Union 5.30 This Week In WWE 6.00 WWE Experience 7.00 Masters Tennis 9.00 LIVE Masters Tennis 11.30 LV Cup Final Rugby Union 12.30am School Of Hard Knocks 1.00 Test Cricket 3.00 LV Cup Final Rugby Union 4.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm The Simpsons (x2) 1.00 Glenn Martin, DDS 1.30 Futurama (x3) 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 UK Border Force 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Pineapple Dance Studios 7.00 The World Wild Vet 8.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than Your Ten-Year-Old? 9.00 24 10.00 House 11.00 Bones 12.00am A League Of Their Own

7.00pm The Noughties ...

Was That It? 7.10 FILM: Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement (2004) 9.00 Undercover Princesses 10.00 Heroes 10.40 Family Guy 11.05 American Dad! (x2) 11.50 Undercover Princesses 12.50am Eddie Izzard: Marathon Man 1.50 Last Woman Standing 2.50 Harper’s Island

7.10pm FILM: Caramel (2007) 8.30 Clarissa And The King’s Cookbook 9.00 The Man Who Ate Everything 10.00 Kings Of Pastry: Storyville 11.25 Mad Men 12.10am Apollo Wives 1.15 France On A Plate 2.15 Mad Men 3.00 BBC FOUR Proms 2009: Stravinsky And Schumann 5.30 Close

3.10pm Harry Hill’s TV Burp 3.40 New You’ve Been Framed! 4.05 All Star Family Fortunes 4.55 Ant & Dec’s Push The Button 5.55 FILM: Wild Wild West (1999) 8.00 What Katie Did Next 9.00 The Vampire Diaries 10.00 Boyzone: Life After Stephen 11.00 Married Single Other 12.00am Dancing On Ice

1.40pm Hidden Treasure 3.45 FILM: City Of Angels (1998) 5.55 Sherlock Holmes: Hound Of The Baskervilles 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 11.05 Cracker 12.10am PD James: An Unsuitable Job For A Woman 2.10 Kavanagh QC 3.30 Drama Trails 3.40 Emmerdale Omnibus

12.20pm Roswell (X2) 2.05 Reaper 2.55 FILM: The First Wives Club (1996) 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 Desperate Housewives (x2) 11.00 Samantha Who? (x2) 11.55 Being Erica 12.55am Supernanny 1.50 Gok’s Fashion Fix 2.45 Samantha Who? 3.05 Switched

1.50pm How Clean Is Your House? (x5) 4.40 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.30 The TV Book Club 8.00 River Cottage Spring 9.00 My Monkey Baby 10.10 Trophy Kids. See highlights. 11.15 Father Ted 11.45 Black Books 12.15am The IT Crowd 12.50 Curb Your Enthusiasm 1.25 Deal Or No Deal

3.00pm FILM: The Next Karate Kid (1994) 5.10 Celebs 24/7 5.30 Nothing To Declare 6.00 Changing Faces: Sharon Osbourne 7.00 Super Secret Celebrity Weddings 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Jade: A Year Without Her 10.30 Criminal Minds 11.30 Supernatural 12.30am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

1.00pm Christianity: A History 2.00 How Do They Do It? (x2) 3.00 How It’s Made (x2) 4.00 Extreme Loggers 5.00 MythBusters 6.00 Swords: Life On The Line 7.00 How Do They Do It? 8.00 How It’s Made (x2) 9.00 Monsters Inside Me 10.00 Alien Storms 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files (x2)

12.30pm Final Days Of Planet Earth (x2) 4.10 FILM: Ice Twisters (2009) 6.00 A Town Called Eureka 7.00 Legend Of The Seeker 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 FILM: Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus (2008) 10.40 FILM: The Grudge 3 (2009) 12.30am FILM: An American Werewolf In London (1981) 2.30 3rd Rock From The Sun

1.30pm The Sons Of Katie Elder (1965) 3.35 35mm 4.05 Those Magnificent Men In Their Flying Machines (1965) 5.30 Junior Bonner (1972) 6.20 The Movie Geek 6.50 Hellfighters (1969) 9.00 The Sons Of Katie Elder (1965) 11.05 The Sand Pebbles (1966) 2.10am Kiss Of Death (1947)

11.00am There Will Be Blood (2007) 1.40pm Shine A Light (2008) 3.45 The Movie Geek 4.15 Psycho (1998) 6.10 What Just Happened (2008) 8.00 Mo’ Better Blues (1990) 10.15 Girl 6 (1996) 12.10am There Will Be Blood (2007) 2.50 Control (2007)

11.00am The Ghost And Mrs Muir (1947) 1.00pm Around The World In 80 Days (2004) 3.20 The Black Swan (1942) 5.00 The Drum (1938) 6.50 In Good Company (2004) 9.00 Don’t Say A Word (2001) 11.10 The Libertine (2004) 1.20am Yes (2004)

10.55am Vera Cruz (1954) 1.00pm September (1988) 3.00 Mr Holland’s Opus (1995) 6.00 The Fortune Cookie (1966) 8.20 The Screening Room 9.00 Mystic Pizza (1988) 11.05 Lawman (1971) 1.15am Mystic Pizza (1988) 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 September (1988)

4.20pm Last Of The Summer Wine 5.00 Heroes Of Comedy: Sid James 6.00 Heroes Of Comedy: Thora Hird 7.00 Blackadder Goes Forth 7.40 Jonathan Creek 9.00 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 10.20 Absolutely Fabulous 11.00 French And Saunders 11.40 Heroes Of Comedy: Thora Hird 12.40am Heroes Of Comedy: Sid James

5.00pm Two And A Half Men (x4) 7.00 Scrubs 7.30 Samantha Who? 8.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 9.00 Peter Kay At The Comedy Store 9.30 Michael McIntyre At The Comedy Store 10.00 Dara O Briain Live At The Theatre Royal 11.20 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 11.50 South Park

Classics

Indie

S M 6. w Fo hi Pr Fo hi Pr Su fin W sp Su pr fo an Su Le M at w se To Au Liv Pr Bl Ew tw re m Su us st ex th Sp 10 Pr fro Liv

031_LS466_TV_Mon_031_LS466_TV_Mon.qxd 12/03/2010 12:44 Page 1

monday 22 Married Single Other ITV1, 9pm It’s all about the wedding, as Lillie gets her sensible head on and vetoes Eddie’s plans of a massive wedding and sells her bonds to pay for a smaller do. Poor Eddie.

Luckily Harry’s got his thinking hat on and, with a bit of help from Flo, sets out to create the best wedding ever in 24 hours. Get yourself a hat and pootle along.

Film: The Witches Of Eastwick ITV1, 10.35pm The role that established who Jack Nicholson is to a lot of folks was this one. The horny little devil. Cher, Michelle Pfeiffer and Susan Sarandon are bored in their town and whisked off their feet by the decadent stranger, but soon discover the flip side to getting into bed with the devil.

Glee E4, 9pm As American as proms, cheerleaders and Twinkies – yearbook photo time has come around again and the Glee club look set to miss out due to budget cuts. There are mixed feelings about this. To be graffitied and present or not to be graffitied and absent, that is the question. And Mr and Mrs Shu have a fight.

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Missing Live 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Doctors - 10 Year Anniversary Shorts 2.20 Missing 3.05 3rd And Bird 3.15 Dirtgirlworld 3.25 Dennis & Gnasher 3.45 Shaun The Sheep 3.50 Muddle Earth 4.05 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 4.35 M.I. High 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Bang Goes The Theory Series putting science to the test.

8.00 EastEnders Ben’s party goes off with a bang when Shirley gets the wrong end of the stick, and an unexpected visitor arrives.

8.30 MasterChef John Torode and Gregg Wallace continue their search for the country’s best amateur cook.

9.00 New Tricks Crime drama series. When former escort girl Alice Hill finds God and decides to confess her sins, the UCOS team find themselves reinvestigating the death of well-known timeshare magnate Dean Scott. But the case takes a remarkable twist when the team link the dead man’s business partner to notorious criminal Johnny Tevis.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The World’s Strictest Parents Peter and Jocelyn Harris get new parents in Pune, India, living under the strict rules of the Unnikrishnans, a modern family who strive for excellence in all they do.

11.35 Late Kick Off Football!

12.05am FILM: Capricorn One (1978) 2.05 Weatherview 2.10 Sign Zone: Dinner With Portillo 2.40 The Hairy Bikers: Mums Know Best 3.40 The British Family: Our History 4.40 BBC News

BBC2

6.00 - 9.30am Children’s television 9.30 I Can Cook 9.45 Guess With Jess 9.55 Big And Small Songs 10.00 Tinga Tinga Tales 10.10 Waybuloo 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Science Clips Investigates 11.10 Science Clips Investigates 11.20 The Maths Channel 11.30 L8R Youngers 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Winter Paralympics 2010: Highlights 2.00 Animal Park: Wild On The West Coast 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Antiques Road Trip Philip Serrell and Charles Hanson set off from Llandudno in search of antiques they can sell for a profit at auction in Birmingham.

7.00 Trust In Politics Trust in Politics. Really? I mean... really?

8.00 University Challenge It is now the semi-final stage of the competition. In the first of the semis St John’s College, Oxford plays Imperial College, London. Fight!

8.30 Raymond Blanc’s Kitchen Secrets Legendary chef Raymond Blanc welcomes the cameras into his kitchen to share his cooking secrets.

9.00 A Band For Britain Series following presenter Sue Perkins as she attempts to breathe new life into Dinnington Colliery Brass Band.

10.00 Grumpy Old Women A group of middle-aged women grumble. The female grumpies include Sheila Hancock, Jenny Eclair, Stephanie Beacham, Muriel Gray, Arabella Weir.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Newswipe With Charlie Brooker Another instalment of caustic commentary, satirical observations and laughs.

11.50 Inside John Lewis Inside John Lewis. The shop. Not a plainsounding man.

12.50am Tropic Of Cancer 1.50 BBC News 4.00 GCSE Bitesize Revision

ITV1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Auction Party 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Aaron tries to overcome his fears and goes back to the gay bar. Ashley is feeling the pressure of keeping Sally’s behaviour a secret. Chas enjoys provoking Nicola. Everyone does really.

7.30 Coronation Street Does Audrey now doubt Gail’s innocence? News of Molly’s pregnancy spreads. Janice goes on a secret diet to attract hunky Trevor. Surely it’s only a secret if it fails? Success would be obvious. Hm. 8.00 The Lakes Documentary based in the Lake District. As summer in the Lakes draws to a close, find out if Amanda Davies’ dream of running a tea shop in Windermere really did come true. There is traffic chaos at the end of the Summer Westmorland County Show, and hotelier Thomas Noblett leaves the Lakes for his biggest challenge yet – swimming the English Channel.

8.30 Coronation Street Is David the only one who believes Gail? Will Molly finally leave Tyrone? Ex-con John returns to teaching.

9.00 Married Single Other See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: The Witches Of Eastwick (1987) See highlights.

12.40am In Plain Sight 1.30 Loose Women 2.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.15 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.20 Frasier 8.50 Frasier 9.20 Will And Grace 9.45 Deal Or No Deal 10.30 Coach Trip 11.05 Wife Swap USA 12.00pm Channel 4 News Summary 12.05 Dolce Vito - Dream Restaurant 12.35 Kitchen Pharmacy 12.45 FILM: Helen Of Troy (1955) 2.55 The TV Book Club 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ste and Amy are shocked to stumble upon a homeless Josh. He stuck his leg out and it caught ‘em.

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Dispatches Flagship current affairs programme covering groundbreaking reports that often set the news agenda.

9.00 The Secret Millionaire Fil Adams-Mercer, the head of the UK’s largest online parcel delivery service, witnesses first hand the work of various charities and community organisations in Doncaster before giving away some of his fortune.

10.00 The Good Wife Legal drama series. Alicia represents a senior partner at the firm when he is arrested. She also begins to doubt Peter’s innocence in his corruption case after she learns of evidence to the contrary. Yeah, just ‘cause you marry someone it doesn’t mean they don’t do bad stuff. Ask Mrs Capone.

11.00 FILM: Alfie (2004) Starring Jude Law, Marisa Tomei, Sienna Miller, Jane Krakowski and Susan Sarandon. Modern adaptation of the 1966 comedy in which a handsome English chauffeur struggles to choose between the women chasing him.

1.05am The Confession 1.10 Inside Deep Throat 2.45 FILM: Race To Space (2001) 4.30 The War At Home 4.50 St Elsewhere 5.40 Battlefront

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.12 The Milky And Shake Show 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Igam Ogam 8.50 Castle Farm 8.55 The WotWots 9.05 Mio Mao 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 CSI: NY 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Axe Men 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visit 3.05 FILM: Nowhere To Land (2000) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Elijah tells Miles a secret that could devastate Leah. Liam gives Martha an ultimatum. Will her erratic behaviour cause her to lose him for good?

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show.

7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn looks at the Airbus A380 – the world’s largest passenger airliner. Nice, innit?

8.00 The Gadget Show The presenters go up against sport stars and experts in a variety of fields to see whether advances in technology can help amateurs beat professionals at their own games.

9.00 FlashForward Sci-fi drama about a mysterious event that causes the population of the world to black out. Mark is suspended from duty at the FBI and must meet with a therapist in order to regain his badge.

Demetri teams with CIA agent Vogel to continue the search for Lloyd.

Simon attempts to hack into Lloyd’s computer in search of clues. See TellyTalk.

10.00 FlashForward Sci-fi drama part 2. More to catch up with.

11.00 FILM: Hostel: Part II (2007) Starring Lauren German, Heather Matarazzo, Bijou Phillips, Roger Bart.

Sadistic and gruesome horror sequel.

12.50am SuperCasino 4.05 The FBI Files 4.55 Rough Guide To Adventures 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home & Away

6.00am LILVE Test Cricket 11.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 12.00pm Spanish Football 2.00 Ford Football Special 3.30 Test Cricket 5.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.30 SPL Round-Up 7.00 Netbusters 7.30 LIVE: Football League 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 A League Of Their Own 11.30 Netbusters 12.00am SPL Round-Up 12.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Football League 2.55 A League Of Their Own 3.25 LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 PGA Tour Golf 1.30pm European Tour Golf: Hassan II Golf Trophy 3.00 LV Cup Final Rugby Union 4.00 LIVE Golf: The Tavistock Cup 9.00 PGA Tour Golf 10.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 11.30 PGA Tour Classic 12.30am European Tour Golf: Hassan II Golf Trophy 1.30 NASCAR 2.30 IRB Sevens 5.30 Extra Time

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Snow Ride 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 LV Cup Final Rugby Union 9.00 The Super 14 Show 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Masters Tennis 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 This Week In WWE 6.00 Sailing 6.30 Extra Time 7.00 NASCAR 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Lie To Me 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 UK Border Force 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Malcolm In The Middle 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Body Language Secrets 9.00 House 10.00 NCIS: LA 11.00 Road Wars 12.00am School Of Hard Knocks 1.00 24 1.30 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 8.05 Doctor Who Confidential 8.30 Snog Marry Avoid?

9.00 Gavin And Stacey Christmas Special 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Undercover Princesses 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Scallywagga 12.45 The Gemma Factor 1.15 Gavin And Stacey Christmas Special

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Vivaldi’s Women 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Women 10.00 Elizabeth David: A Life In Recipes 11.30 The Secret World Of Haute Couture 12.30am Seven Photographs That Changed Fashion 1.30 Women 2.30 Only Connect 3.00 Seven Photographs That Changed Fashion

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Loose Women 4.40 Judge Judy 5.00 American Idol: 12 Finalists 7.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 8.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 8.30 New You’ve Been Framed! 9.00 Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen USA 10.00 Celebrity Juice 10.45 FILM: Hannibal Rising (2007) 1.10am Coronation Street

3.00pm Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 Drama Trails 5.10 On The Buses 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Ballykissangel 7.55 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 The Secret Caribbean With Trevor McDonald 10.00 Murder In Suburbia 11.00 The Bill: Impact 12.05am Wycliffe

1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Glee 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Glee. See highlights.

10.00 The Cleveland Show 10.30 King Of The Hill 11.00 Skins 12.10am FILM: Bedazzled (2000)

4.25pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.30 Relocation, Relocation 6.35 Deal Or No Deal 7.25 Grand Designs Revisited 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 Relocation, Relocation 10.00 Country House Rescue 11.10 Without A Trace 12.05am Brothers And Sisters 1.00 Relocation, Relocation

2.00pm Celebrity Four Weddings 2.30 Nothing To Declare 3.00 Ghost Whisperer 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 America’s Next Top Model 7.00 Ghost Whisperer 8.00 Britain’s Worst Wife 9.00 New America’s Next Top Model (x2) 11.00 Criminal Minds 12.00am CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

1.00pm Christianity: A History 2.00 Weaponology 3.00 The First World War 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Massive Machines (x2) 6.00 Deadliest Catch 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How It’s Made 9.00 Mythbusters 10.00 American Chopper 11.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 12.00am The FBI Files

11.00am Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 1.00pm FILM: Ice Twisters (2009) 5.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x3) 8.00 Sanctuary 9.00 A Town Called Eureka 10.00 Medium (x3) 1.00 Buffy The Vampire Slayer (x2) 3.00 Sea Of Souls 4.00 FILM: Warbirds (2008)

12.00pm How The West Was Won (1962) 2.30 Around The World In 80 Days (1956) 5.20 Paint Your Wagon (1969) 8.00 Ben-Hur (1959) 11.30 Georgy Girl (1966) 1.10am A Lovely Way To Die (1968) 2.55 A Tree Grows In Brooklyn (1945) 5.05 Boomerang (1947)

2.25pm Chaplin (1992) 4.55 South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut (1999) 6.20 Buffalo ‘66 (1998) 8.10 Two Lovers (2008) 10.00 Paris, Je T’Aime (2006) 12.05am South Park: Bigger, Longer And Uncut (1999) 1.30 Plunkett And Macleane (1999) 3.15 Waltz With Bashir (2008)

2.00pm Dinnerladies 2.40 Waiting For God 3.20 My Family 4.00 As Time Goes By 4.40 The Vicar Of Dibley (x2) 6.00 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.20 The Good Life 8.00 One Foot In The Grave 8.40 Dinnerladies 9.20 Blackadder II 10.00 Only Fools And Horses 11.45 Hippies 12.25am Heroes Of Comedy: Max Miller

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Dirty, Sexy, Funny: Olivia Lee 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am Scrubs

Classics

Indie

11.00am The Guinea Pig (1948) 12.55pm From Hell To Texas (1958) 2.50 Above Us The Waves (1956) 4.45 Let’s Make Love (1960) 7.05 The Truman Show (1998) 9.00 Sahara (2005) 11.20 Hard Eight (1997) 1.15am Kissing Jessica Stein (2001) 3.05 Green Zone Special

TCM 12.15pm The Screening Room 1.00 Billy Two Hats (1973) 3.00 Jeremiah Johnson (1972) 5.30 The Spirit Of St Louis (1957) 8.15 The Screening Room 9.00 Posse (1993) 11.05 City Heat (1984) 1.00am Posse (1993) 3.00 Teleshopping 5.00 Billy Two Hats (1973)