Latest Seven 452: 1 - 7 December

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

JULIAN CLARY

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★

On panto and Noel Coward’s ghost p13

1 – 7 December 2009

FREE WEEKLY

ALICE COOPER Shock rock at 61

A fairytale Christmas at The Royal Pavilion page 15

FESTIVE FOOD Eating and drinking out this Christmas

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Palace in wonderland

GIFTS FOR HER Beautiful presents for the ladies in your life

Have you seen our top ten homes for sale and for rent? Find them now at TOP

latesthomes.co.uk/brighton

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003_LS452_contents

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welcome

L7 CONTENTS 04 NEWS & COMMENT 4 Social Diary Sussex Business Awards; the Toni & Guy fashion show 5 City Speak Will’s dance hell; a restaurateur’s life in Columnist Idol 5 Competitions Win a landslide of gig tickets, albums and Beatles stuff 7 Heather Mills’ VBites Polar ice caps Vs Peter Andre – the tabloid quandary 8 News Tree planting record attempt, local woman missing; plus Councillor Mary Mears on White Ribbon Day 8 Latest Inbox Readers’ letters 9 Bookings Massive Attack, Fatboy Slim, Debbie Reynolds, Yeasayer 9 Latest Brighton Download Chart Who’s at number one this week?

10 Snap Shots Brighton band The Laylanas 11 Celebcity Katie Price, The Specials and Brighton Dome in jelly 12 Bare Cheek & Astral Angi Ben Elton abdicates; plus warnings from the stars

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13 L7 INTERVIEW As he prepares to camp it up in Cinderella at The Hawth, Julian Clary chats about the unique pull of panto and spending Christmas in Noel Coward’s haunted farmhouse

15 LIFESTYLE 15 Cover feature Fairytale fun and banqueting at the Royal Pavilion 17 Gift Guide Christmas present ideas for the woman in your life 21 Food & Drink Mutton dressed to perfection at The Sussex Yeoman; plus where to eat and drink this Christmas 26 Hotlist 21 great restaurants and coffee shops

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L7 Don’t miss...

Bella Todd, Latest 7 Editor

27 WHAT’S ON 27 Stage Stagestopper! The Improvised Musical previewed 28 Clubs The hotly tipped Toddla T on the decks at Supercharged 29 Music Alice Cooper on shooting a one over par 73. Alright!

30 Art Contemporary folklore with Hungry Like The Wolf 30 Events Santa’s workshop is open for a snoop at Drusillas 31 Film & Comedy Local cinema listings; top stand-ups for the over-sixes at Comedy Club 4 Kids 32 Gay Special Wild Fruit Red Party preview 35 Reviews Alison Moyet, Gary Numan and Vic Reeves 36 Sport Andy Winter’s cricket column 36 TV Big Top preview; plus your seven-day listings guide

We’ve never really experienced much jealousy over celebrity houses, largely because they tend to sound so extravagantly... uncomfortable. Who’d want to live in a glorified airport like John Travolta, for instance, whose home in Florida is constructed around the runway for his Boeing 707? They may prove handy come the apocalypse, but for the time being the three bomb shelters incorporated into Donald Trump’s $125 million Palm Beach mansion must be a bit of a downer. And buying villas on a man-made archipelago shaped like a palm tree hasn’t exactly worked out for Posh and Becks, has it?

But we confess some serious envy in the case of Julian Clary’s pad. The subject of this week’s L7 Interview lives in a tumbledown farmhouse in Kent that once belonged to Noel Coward – and he reckons you can still sense the old theatre legend’s presence at the piano. (On the subject of dream homes, remember to check out the Latest Homes property website, www.latesthomes.co.uk, where we’re now publishing the top ten new homes for sale and rent each week – smoothly done, no?)

We asked Julian Clary what he wanted for Christmas and he said, with no hint of a double entendre, that he could really do with a nice pair of egg cups. For more gift suggestions turn to the second of our festive gift guides, this week full of ideas for women and kids.

Elsewhere we check out one of the most talked about shows of this year’s Edinburgh Fringe, Showstopper! The Improvised Musical, ahead of its Komedia run; there’s a chance to meet Father Christmas in the Red Drawing Room (where else?) at the Royal Pavilion; and we have an interview with Alice Cooper, quite the nicest man to ever guillotine his own head off on stage.

As of this issue you’ll also be able to read Heather Mills’ popular VBites column every week – only in Latest 7.

Will Young Sunday 6 December Brighton Centre If you like your pop delivered with honesty, humility and an underbite – and if not, why not? – then make time this week for the original Pop Idol, currently touring brand new best of collection The Hits.

Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan Production Manager Neil Ive Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Latest 7 Editor Bella Todd Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker Sub Editors Melina Greenfield Patrick O’Donnell Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Staff Writers Nick Aldwinckle (Music) Jaime Pettit (Clubs) Editorial Assistant Sian Disson

Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Steve Sawyer Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless

01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

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SOCIAL DIARY

Latest diary

Hair raisers In collaboration with fashion house Reiss, Toni & Guy Brighton celebrated their 20th Anniversary with a jam-packed catwalk show at Madame Geisha last month. In attendance on this very auspicious occasion (in addition to the scantily clad woman on the trapeze) was the Chairman and Chief Executive of Toni & Guy, Toni Mascolo OBE.

Tim Richardson snaps the Sussex Business Awards and Toni & Guy fashion show

p,

Darren Brewer – owner of Toni & Guy Brighton; Pauline Mascolo; Toni Mascolo – Chairman & Chief Executive, Toni & Guy

Best in business er

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1

The 21st anniversary of the Sussex Business Awards concluded with a bang as the winners of the 2009 Awards were announced at a glittering ceremony held at the Grand Hotel, Brighton last month. Three awards were won by the same company – IT solutions company FDM were crowned International Business of the Year and Best Employer in Sussex, while Rod Flavell achieved the prestigious status of Business Person of the Year.

For further information about the awards visit www.sbawards.org.uk

Debs Simpson – Forward PR; Jon Boston – denisonboston

Kate MacKenzie; Mike Holland – Stanmer House

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CITY SPEAK 05

Will

L7 is searching for a new local voice – and it’s providing a fascinating opportunity to find out what’s on your minds. Over the next few weeks we’ll be printing some of the submissions.

First out of the post bag this week...

Richard Lattimer, 35, Hove

Will Harris confronts his fear of contemporary dance

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ome weeks, 450 words just white Y-fronts and mauve isn’t enough. When my current stockings pretends to be some sort squeeze E, who is a dancer, of automaton, then has an epileptic asked me to accompany him to ‘an fit. From offstage comes a evening of exploratory contemporary recording of somebody pretending dance’, you can imagine my reaction. to be a pig. “Oink oink,” he goes.

“Fifteen pounds?!” I splutter.

“Oink oink oink oink.”

“Fifteen pounds to watch a bunch A severe-looking woman skips of po-faced prima donnas pretend around in circles, a large semicircular to be acorns which, over the course chunk missing from one side of her of two hours, sprout into mighty yet skirt. I cannot concentrate. I need still unaccountably po-faced oaks?!” to know where the chunk has gone.

E is displeased by this. He points Is it intentional, I wonder, or did the out that contemporary dance is a wardrobe mistress catch the skirt philosophy of movement, muchin her car door and drive off at high maligned, with far more to it than speed? This is not art. This is just pretending to be trees. He also disjointed chaos masquerading as lists the number of times he has sat art, set to the soundtrack of Babe through the latest aliens-invade-the2: Pig In The City. Fifteen pounds world blockbuster with me, despite worth of it too. the fact he prefers the type of film After the performance, on the where everyone rides about on steps of the theatre, E and I have horses and has an attack of our first proper row. “This is what I the vapours do”, he shouts. whenever Colin “This is who I Firth appears. am.” And if I “A man in a beard I cannot argue want to and a little black dress continue dating with this.

Instead, I go him, he adds, I enters stage left” with him to a will have to find down-at-heel some way of playhouse in West London, and I sit getting through these kind of with bated breath as the lights dim performances without rocking with and the curtains open. And a man in silent laughter, texting all my friends a beard and a little black dress how awful it is, or falling asleep in the enters stage left. second half.

That’s weird, I think; it doesn’t On the long walk back to the get much weirder than that. I am Tube, as the November gale batters wrong. In the world of exploratory us deeper into our loaded silence, contemporary dance, random acts I text my best friend. I have decided of unshaven tranvestism are but what I want for my birthday, I tell small potatoes. Next, a man in her. I want a hipflask.

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old, I’d struck gold! Result!

There in the bottom third of the flower vase, buried beneath a mountain of irrelevant copper, lay seven celestial discs of salvation, each worth one whole pound. Spared the ignominy of paying the pizza delivery guy with large handfuls of 10p and 5p pieces, I realized I had fallen somewhat on the delivery denomination scale of wealth. This is a measure of ones’ wealth based on which coin one has remaining in the home to pay for pizza delivery.

Owning a restaurant less than a year old will do that to you.

The upside to my rapid decline in financial status was the fact that unearthing a paltry seven quid could cause me genuine feelings of elation.

That and the fact that the boys at Pronto in Tavola produce the best pizza west of Naples and I am about to get one delivered to my door for a mere £7!

I am reminded of a moment just after I moved to Brighton. I had kept my London job, my well above average salary and my company car.

I would cruise along the Kingsway every night after work in my flash car with my bad mood and my flash suit concealing my six pack, which was cleverly disguised as a cut of pork

belly. I would turn right at the Peace Statue around 8pm and look enviously at the crowds of people hanging out playing football and illegally barbequing on the lawns.

I suddenly realised that most of them probably earned half what I did but they finished work at five and started play time at 5:10. They were alive, joyful, carefree. I began to question the importance of my salary if I missed out on the things in life that are truly valuable. These precious moments with friends and family, that contented euphoria one feels as the sun sets on an evening of merriment, are more valuable than anything money can buy.

I now work for myself in Brighton and I love my job, largely due to the people around me. Work with great people and the tasks of employment become irrelevant. And I don’t just work for the money. My happiest moments are spent with my daughter or in my living room with good friends. If I had more money I may have a nicer living room but I wonder what type of people I would have there – my friends are not all wealthy but I love them. This attitude is abundant in Brighton and is one of the reasons so many people crave to live here. We are the lucky ones.

Want to read more from Richard? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Local with lots to say for yourself? Fancy your chances in Latest 7’s Columnist Idol? Send a 450 word sample column to bella@thelatest.co.uk

COMPETITIONS THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER FOR MUSIC FANS Rock on! Or simply groove your way through Christmas – whatever your musical tastes, there’s something for you here. Wanna rock?

Then you’ll be after a pair of tickets for 2010’s Great Escape (13-15 May 2010), with some of the top new indie talent around.

Wanna pop? Then we’ve got a pair of tickets to Mika’s 3 March 2010 gig at the Brighton Centre. Wanna savour the golden years?

You can’t do much better than a Beatles Box Of Vision (www.BoxOfVision.com), ram-packed full of Beatles collectibles and a fitting case for any Beatles collection.

Add to that CDs including soundtracks from The Nowhere Boy and The Inbetweeners; the Jackie and Tiswas compilations; albums from JLS, Paolo Nutini and Hannah Montana; plus High School Musical: The Collection, and best ofs from Queen, UB40 and Bryan Ferry – not forgetting The Best Of Disney And Barbie: Let’s All Party.

And if you don’t win all of that with our top prize, we’ll be sending out extra CDs to the runners up – just because it’s Christmas and we’re nice like that.

Q Who did Bing Crosby duet with on ‘The Little Drummer Boy’?

WIN! TO BE IN WITH A

CHANCE TO WIN, EMAIL: competitions@thelatest.co.uk

with the name of the competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date is Monday 14 December.

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VBITES 07 SPICY SOYA SAUSAGE AND CHORIZO CASSEROLE

VBites of wisdom

I know becoming vegan is a winning formula for life! It was the best decision I have ever made and it has had such a positive effect on my life. Greater nutritional awareness of the food that I put into my body was the foundation stone of my new beginnings after my accident and I will never ever look back. Enjoy this warming winter night casserole.

Heather Mills on weapons of mass distraction

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mportant news abounds at the moment. Just like an action movie, our newspapers are filled with glitz and glamour, sex, war, death, political intrigue, conspiracy and an end-of-the-world plotline worthy of a Hollywood movie.

It must be a tough job for the editors of our tabloids to decide which story to run on the front page these days when there is so much important news to report. Now, do they go with the latest earthquake or tsunami, drought or famine in Africa... or maybe just a salacious little rumour about an X Factor finalist?

Tough decision, this one. Phew, Paris Hilton flashed her knickers getting out of a car – and have you seen that cellulite? That’s the lead, yes! Genius.

Useless trivia prevails. News has become entertainment, and entertainment is news. And the glue that binds this all together is television celebrity. I’m not anti-celebrity at all since I’m not blind to the fact that this would be just a tad hypocritical. I am, however, anti ‘the cult of celebrity’ that has made any old nonsense about a celebrity newsworthy and then goes on to hog the front pages in place of real news and genuine issues.

We all love to be entertained. But what I’ve “There seems to be direct been pondering is the thought that our lust for correlation between an entertainment, amusement and increasing intensity in world distraction is preventing us all from genuinely events and an increase in grasping reality and the puerile news reporting” seriousness of the most important issues of the day. It is this that is holding back so many of us from getting active in our democracy and making sure our voices are heard right now, when they are needed the most.

The lines between news and entertainment are so blurred these days that, perhaps, so much that comes out of the television is presumed to be purely for our amusement rather than education. However serious the subject, TV can turn it into show business.

Could it be that what makes for the most popular television and newspapers these days is diverting our attention away from the very real problems our society is facing? There actually seems to be a direct correlation between an increasing level of intensity in world events and an increase in puerile news reporting. I wonder if this current trend will continue when the polar ice caps melt? Will The Sun’s front page lead be a close-up photograph of pee dribble on Peter Andre’s trousers while the nation’s doing the backstroke in a deluge of salty sea water?

Tabloid weapons of mass ‘distraction’ continue to explode liberal sprinklings of glitter, fluff and bile all over public discourse. The truth is we have never lived in more serious times and our inaction will have genuinely catastrophic consequences for life on earth.

Do you think the tabloids have got their priorities wrong? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Serves 4 Ingredients 1 white onion thinly sliced 2 spring onions julienne style 1 small red onion thinly sliced 2 carrots diced 2 potatoes diced 1 red pepper diced 1 yellow pepper diced 1 packet of soya chorizo 1 packet VBites soya sausages 1 tsp crushed chilli/chilli flakes 1 tsp cayenne pepper 1 tbs Boullion with 500ml water 1 tin chopped tomatoes 1 tbs tomato paste 1 tsp of balsamic vinegar 1 tbs oregano 1 tsp paprika

Heather’s

DIARY

I

love all the winter festivals.

Halloween and Bonfire Night were such successes at VBites that we’re now planning our Christmas celebrations. I mustn’t give away any surprises too early but I’ll update you soon with everything we’re lining up. I know how hard it is to entertain children on miserable winter days. But VBites has the solution! We've started the VBites Kids' Klub every Saturday and Sunday from 10.30am to 12.30pm. Switch off the telly and get them down to the seafront for some fresh air and activities with friends. Now, I need to start thinking about my New Year’s Eve bash.

A VBites Christmas Special

Kingsway, Hove Lagoon, Hove BN3 4LX 01273 933757 www.vbites.com Open 7 days a week 10:30-22:30 (Open 09:30 weekends)

Heather and our Head Chef have being working hard to create a delicious Vegan Christmas menu with plenty of festive cheer. Get the party started with a glass of bubbly before being seated for your choice of starter, main course and dessert. Finish off with our very own mince pies and your choice of Fairtrade coffee or tea. Tables will be decorated with complimentary Christmas crackers and decorations. Our attentive staff will do everything possible to accommodate your special wishes so let us know if there is any particular entertainment you’d like us to arrange (we can do Father Christmas but reindeer may be a little more difficult).

Book early to avoid disappointment

Method: • Sweat red and white onions with peppers.

• Then add diced potatoes and carrots.

• Add cayenne pepper, crushed chilli, tinned tomatoes and tomato paste.

• Allow to simmer for approx 10 to 15 mins.

• Add balsamic vinegar and oregano.

• Add paprika and ground black pepper to taste.

• Simmer for another 5 to 10 mins.

• Add vegan soya sausage and chorizo at the last minute, cook until hot through.

Christmas at VBites

It’s time to start th inking about the festive se ason, be it a work Christmas lu nch or a part y w ith friends.

VBites is the perfect venue. Ch eck out our website, call or pop in for further details.

see you – Heather

008_LS452_newsphil/Council

11/27/09

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08 LATEST NEWS

L7 News

7

latest inbox comment@thelatest.co.uk

days of headlines with Phil Mills

Tree challenge, full marks for Royal Pavilion, and mystery grows over missing woman

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ood news doesn’t always sell but it is what readers say they crave after seeing headline after headline of doom, gloom and misery. Here at Latest 7, we like serving a balanced diet.

First, the good... make the world greener and cleaner is the idea behind Tree O’Clock, a world-record attempt to plant the most trees in an hour, between 11am and 12 noon on Saturday 5 December.

Sussex tree expert David Finn is being kept busy meeting demand for trees at South Downs Nursery in Hassocks where he is based. The nursery is backing the BBC campaign and has been nominated as a collection point. Details at www.bbc.co.uk/treeoclock Brighton and Hove has been nominated once again as one of the most eco-friendly cities in Britain, and came third in the Forum for the Future’s Sustainable Cities Index.

This represents a slip of one place from 2007 but is still excellent news.

The city council can take a bow for another success story – letting former staff accommodation out to residents at sheltered housing blocks. The flats will be let to older people requiring sheltered housing: contact sheltered@brightonhove.gov.uk for more information.

Children from Brighton and Hove trekked nearly 5,000 miles during this year’s Walk to School week.

That’s the equivalent of walking from the Old Steine to Mount Everest.

Well done kids. Mind you, walking in the fierce gales we’ve had recently hasn’t been much fun as student Tamsin Hughes (pictured with brolly) discovered on Brighton seafront. And stonemason Eugene Ehrman had to hang on to his hard hat at the Royal Pavilion – the Georgian Society of Great Britain has given Brighton special recognition for the quality of the restoration at the Royal Pavilion.

Good news also from Sussex Police, who have been getting their own back on drug pushers.

The force’s criminal confiscation orders this week hit the £1 million mark for the first time when Hove dealer Stanley Simons was ordered to cough up almost £30,000 of his ill-gotten gains on top of the 12-year sentence he is already serving.

Simons, who was head of an organised gang dealing in heroine and cocaine, has three months to pay or will face an extra 18 months behind bars.

A news round up wouldn’t be the same without a mystery: a Latvian woman has vanished in strange circumstances.

Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears on White Ribbon Day

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ast Wednesday – 25 November – was White Ribbon Day. This is an annual event held to raise awareness about domestic violence against women and girls and to coincide with the UN’s International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. As a Council, we are more than happy to lend our support to this initiative. ‘Don’t suffer in silence’ is the message we are trying to put across, and wearing the white ribbon is effectively a pledge never to commit, condone or remain silent about domestic violence.

Nadezda Nikitina, 29, was last seen on 9 October and was believed to be having a week’s break at home. When she failed to return to work at Tesco in Pound Hill, Crawley, colleagues grew increasingly concerned as it was out of character – she was normally very conscientious about reporting sick or being late for the job that she has held for a year.

She was eventually reported as a missing person on 12 November but police investigating her disappearance have discovered that she has not been living at the address she had given at Cromwell Place in East Grinstead for over a year.

Inquiries with the Latvian Embassy have revealed that she may be using a false name.

This could be a case involving immigration but police are keeping an open mind. Detective Inspector Russ Shepherd, leading the inquiry, said: “These are very unusual circumstances, but we are treating this as a normal missing person inquiry and want to satisfy ourselves that Nadezda, as we know her, is safe and well.”

Anyone who has seen her or has information about her whereabouts should call 0845 60 70 999 quoting serial 1001 of 12/11.

Could our city be more eco-friendly? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Some of the national figures are really shocking. Domestic violence accounts for 16 per cent of all violent crime and surveys suggest that one in four women will be affected at some point in their lives.

The effect of domestic violence on children who may witness it in their homes can be devastating and scar them for life.

The problem that all the authorities face in tackling this scourge is illustrated by the fact that, on average, a female victim of violence will be attacked 35 times before ever calling the police.

This reinforces the image of domestic violence as taboo – something that takes place out of sight behind closed doors.

Re Phil Mills inviting people to comment on poor council services to the new Chief Executive, how about this one? I repeatedly complained to Cityclean and various council leaders about the dirty state of the bus shelter at the Pepperpot on Queens Park Road.

The inside walls and ledges are thick with dirt. Not one council leader could get Cityclean to clean this shelter. Can Mr Barradell?

Mrs IM Bibby, Brighton [re Columnist Idol: Clare Cathcart, L7, 451] Very good piece – but surely she looks forward to the day the cabbies tell their passengers, “I’ve had that Clare Cathcart in the back of my cab”. No? Anyway, keep it up, I want to know more juice from the dark side of fame!

Marc Woodhouse, via www.thelatest.co.uk [re Columnist Idol: Clare Cathcart, L7, 451] Excellent... and I happen to know someone who’s looking for a cello teacher, or was it a porn star?

Stephanie Bird, via www.thelatest.co.uk [re Ale & Hearty Food, L7 450] I would really recommend the pubs in Gloucester that are part of the food club range. In the last few years they have started to really take their beer seriously as well as their food and wine: www.foodclub.com/homepage.htm. I will come clean, I used to work for them, but my admiration for reasonable priced, high quality food and beer is genuine!

Steve Hynd, via www.thelatest.co.uk You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

White Ribbon Day has traditionally been held to raise awareness of domestic violence against women and girls. However, the recent Count Me In Too survey by Spectrum highlighted that, in Brighton and Hove, there is also a significant problem of domestic violence against men in gay relationships.

In Brighton and Hove, the Council’s Partnership Community Safety Team work with a number of fantastic voluntary organisations such as RISE, the Women’s Centre and the LGBT Switchboard who do sterling work helping residents who have suffered at the hands of a violent partner to get back on their feet again.

If you would like more information on support available locally, please visit our website www.safeinthecity.info. This is a vitally important issue and we must do everything we can to eliminate domestic violence.

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11/27/09

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BOOKINGS | CHART

L7 Bookings

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

On sale this week…

Brighton Download Chart TOP 10 Latest

MASSIVE ATTACK Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 9 February 2010, £28.50, 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org A whole lotta people have waited a very long time for this. The kings of moody trip hop return to play from their first studio album in seven years, Heligoland, which is released the day before this Brighton show and features contributions from the likes of Damon Albarn and Elbow’s Guy Garvey as well as the return of long-term collaborator Horace Andy.

1 Nig2dmic – Minute Man 2 Panos Christofi – I’ll Never Know Sylvia Anderson

3 Harper Ash – Dragonfly

SYLVIA ANDERSON: MY FAB YEARS Pavilion Theatre Worthing, 5 February 2010, £16/14, 01903 206206, www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Rather a strange one this. British TV/film pioneer Sylvia Anderson, best known as the aristocratic voice of Thunderbirds puppet Lady Penelope, chats to composer/record producer David Courtney about her life, with archive footage from Thunderbirds, Stingray, Captain Scarlet and more.

YEASAYER Audio, 26 February 2010, £10, www.audiobrighton.com Brilliantly idiosyncratic Brooklynites with chanted harmonies and an arty Talk Talk edge.

Fatboy Slim

FATBOY SLIM The Brighton Coalition, 23 December, £20, www.drinkinbrighton.co.uk/brightoncoalition Norman Cook has just been confirmed to headline this Christmas party for the Southern Fried label, in the company of scruffy electro dudes Black Noise and tech-house DJ duo Leatherhead.

MUMFORD AND SONS Corn Exchange, Brighton Dome, 12 March 2010, £12, 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org Lilting and tremulous folk-pop that’ll give you a right rosy glow from Laura Marling’s drummer and band – if Noah And The Whale can almost become household names, this lot surely deserve it.

THEATRE ROYAL SPRING SEASON 08448 717650, www.ambassadortickets.com/brighton The Theatre Royal’s spring season has just gone on sale, and it’s a blinder. Highlights include Brenda Blethyn in Haunted (1–6 March); Rosamund Pike in Adrian Noble’s pre-West End transfer of Hedda Gabler (8–13 March); the former Brighton Festival sell-out Traces from contemporary circus The 7 Fingers (25–27 March); a new production of Oscar Wilde’s Salomé from hot young director Jamie Lloyd (15–19 June); and a onewoman ‘an evening with...’-style show from Singin’ In The Rain and Will And Grace star Debbie Reynolds (11 April) – plus a cluster of great stand-up shows.

4 Jaybee – Cowboys Blues 5 Panos Christofi – In My Mind 6 Chaos Borne – I Will 7 Panos Christofi – If You Do What You Always Do...

8 Tenek – State Of Mind 9 Panos Christofi – Only The Night 10 Tubba 3 Ply – Gerhard Something a little different at the top this week as tongue-in-cheek rapper Nig2dmic tears apart much of the machismo surrounding hip-hop with his potty-mouthed ‘Minute Man’. Elsewhere, acoustic folk singer-songwriter Harper Ash hits number three, while Latest 7 Columnist Idol contender Jaybee takes the fourth spot. Many chart hopefuls will be suffering Panos envy (sorry) this week with the exuberant electro popster Christofi taking numbers two, five, seven and nine at once!

11 Kid Komas/LOc E Fidget changed the game 12 Freudstein Misadventure 13 Jaybee Wasting My Time

THE TREASON SHOW Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome, 22–23 Janurary 2010, £12.50/10, 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org Following their December run at The Old Ship, their first since quitting their old base at Komedia, Mark Brailsford’s local satirical sketch troupe return with more up-to-the-minute gags and random nudity.

14 BreakinBear Rebel In Cheif 15 BreakinBear Breeze 16 N-D-E Bad Habit

THE AUSTRALIAN PINK FLOYD Brighton Centre, 24 April 2010, £32.50, 0844 847 1515, www.brightoncentre.co.uk Later Floyd covers, spectacular laser effects and a giant pink kangaroo from this most big-budget of tribute bands.

09

17 Chaos Borne Watching Salome

18 Cayden Cole Dance With My Father (cover)

Massive Attack

19 The Mojo Fins In The Script 20 Jaybee brokeback mountain 21 La Lunalight Hear No Evil

22 Surrender Monkeys John Agar Was Right 23 Spitefire Blissfully unaware 24 Vortex Generator Regenerate 25 Rubber Johnny LaLa 26 Chaos Borne The Moment 27 Loc E Chemical Romance 28 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 29 Swarf Parlour Tricks 30 Mike Black No Visible Scars (for John Martyn)

SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos

SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC AND VIDEOS www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

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11/26/09

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08 SNAP SHOTS

Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: Brighton band The Laylanas

“

We love the fact that nobody works in Brighton. It’s such a rock ‘n’ roll city. The sea is our biggest influence. We like to swim in it, whatever the weather, 52 weeks of the year – we jam under water, which is how our mysterious harmonies are created!

”

Country rockers The Laylanas on their way for a band Sunday roast at Cooper’s Cask. Described as ‘Dolly Parton fronting The Band’ and led by songwriting duo Lana McDee and Sandra Lea, the country-rockers recently released their debut single, ‘Be Right Back’, and play Latest Music Bar on December 14, followed by the Unitarian Church on December 19.

the place for parties atmospheric, affordable, available friday & saturday nights – or any night NOW BOOKING CHRISTMAS PARTIES & DINNERS CALL ANGI ON 01273 687171

manchester street, brighton

you make the booking – we make it happen tell us what you want – we provide it all birthdays, weddings, civil partnerships, office parties, business events, hen & stag nights

call angi on 01273 687171 or email angi@thelatest.co.uk tel. 01273 687171

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar

011_LS452_celebcity

11/27/09

12:36 PM

Page 1

CELEBCITY 11

SPONSORED BY

Celebcity with Jo Brooks

Spotted at the Fish Fry, the Thursday night club at Jam, were The Specials celebrating after their sell-out gig at the Brighton Centre. The entertainment was provided by Pama International who had been the band’s support for their tour. Specials member Lynval Golding got up on stage and joined Pama as they played to the 200 strong crowd. Also bopping in the crowd was singer James Morrison and the lads from Liam Gallagher’s new clothing label, Pretty Green.

Andy Willsher

Katie Price slashes fanclub fee; the Dome is immortalised in jelly; The Specials party in town

SO SPECIAL

Rex Features

ROYAL JELLY

KATIE PRICE-SLICE F

or all of you that have been glued to the Katie Price Show – er, sorry, ‘I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here’, I have to say that our favourite glamour model delivered one of the best telly moments of the year!

On her premature exit from the show, Katie gave an interview with Ant and Dec in which she dumped boyfriend Alex Reid live on air! You could see the delight on the cheeky faces of the presenters as they got the celeb scoop. The duo even beat Twitter – something of a first!

It will be interesting to see the fallout from the split – Alex, I’m told, now has official representation. Bit scary!

Katie will be back in Blighty by the time you read this, so expect to see her in Donatello and The Lanes Health And Beauty salon soon.

For all you uber Katie fans out there, I bring good news: the Katie Price official fanclub membership cost has been slashed! It was £3 per month but now it is only £2!

Katie says, “Taking into account the current financial situation everybody is experiencing, I have decided to provide a more affordable option for my members”.

Super cool artists Sam Bompas and Harry Parr, who dub themselves 'architectural foodsmiths', unveiled their latest works at 33 Portland Place in London last week.

One of their crazy jellies was inspired by our very own Royal Pavilion!

The Dome jelly was just one strange spectacle amongst a 6ft high gingerbread Gherkin and cupcakes made of kids medicine Calpol.

The pair started as jelly makers and formed their first company, Jellymongers, specialising in unusual desserts. Harry said in a recent interview, “People know about jelly for the wrong reasons; they associate it with children's parties and the instant stuff, but in actual fact it has this incredible history”.

“It used to be one of the most magnificent creations,” agreed Bompas. “At Victorian dinners they wouldn't put flowers on the table; you'd set out jellies throughout the entire meal instead.” I love these guys!!!

Have you spotted a celeb in the city? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

10% service will be added. Valid Sunday through to Thursday during December. Only one voucher per table.

Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers.

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ONLY JOKING!

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

NEWS IN BRIEF > Poliakoff strike still on > Sissons to Gaga: “It’s over” > Disgraced dentist’s toboggan glory

The Bare Cheek

> Ben Elton abdicates > Badger shock for dead mum

YOOF COLUMN! Y

Joe: Okay. Are you absolutely sure that’s what all the young people are into?

Joe: Right Brian, how are we doing?

Brian: Well no. But, I mean, Essays Of Elia is what I was into when I was 12, so it stands to reason the kids today would be too.

Brian: You can relax, lad. I’ve found out what all the young people are into.

Joe: Excellent.

What is it?

Joe: That’s good enough for me.

There we have it. Charles Lamb – random to the max.

What we used to say > Concerned burglar cancels road rage tribute

> King Canute: “I’m back for good” > Grieving family reject brass

massacre “inevitable”

> Kravitz: “Sell my glands”

Astral Angi

Astral serves up some harsh truths

★ARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

★CANCER {June 22–July 22}

★LIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

★TAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

★LEO {July 23–Aug 22}

★SCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

Geminis must be careful this week to not offend. I know that you don’t do it intentionally but somehow you seem to have a knack of going in feet first so simply watch your step.

• Hedgehog • Salt ’n’ Lineker • Baked bean • Vanilla Ice Cream Monster Munch • Branston Pickle

Joe: Right. So how did you find that out? Did you ask around on Twitter or something?

> Fourth week of squash

★GEMINI {May 22–June 21}

In

• Sausage ’n’ Tomato • Cheese ’n’ Owen • Barbeque Beef (superseded by Roast Beef) • Cheese Space Raiders

hand offer

Taureans could do no better this week than to hold their peace and keep quiet. Keep your own council and let the world get on without your opinions for once, please.

Special defunct flavours of crisps edition

Out

Brian: Oh yes. They’re particularly fond of the essays ‘Mackery End, in Hertfordshire’ and ‘A Dissertation Upon roast Pig.’

Brian: Essays Of Elia

by Charles Lamb.

Arians must hold fast to the truth this week and face the world in an open and transparent manner. Not always easy for Aries, I know, but do try, pretty please, just for Astral.

In & Out

es, it’s the column that desperately tries to appeal to that all-important 12 – 17 demographic (although exactly why it's all-important bearing in mind people that age A, don’t have a large disposable income and B, can’t vote so are unlikely to influence world events in any major way remains a mystery.) So without further ado, let's get moving. Random! Sick! Lol! Booyakasha!

12

11/26/09

An occasional series in which we struggle to remember the original, simple, once common terms that have been abandoned in favour of ghastly, overblown, crass, managerial Americanisms.

WHAT WE SAY NOW: “Direction of travel”. Phrase used senselessly by all in business, media, and any institution that involves personnel management, as in, “I trust we are all heading in the same direction of travel on this issue, gentlemen”, or “Let’s discuss the direction of travel we should be going with this”.

WHAT WE USED TO SAY: Way

BARDSLEY’S WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

01273 681256

Cancerian’s love to live life on the edge and nothing can stop them being thrill seekers. Shame really as your silly antics are starting to get on everyone’s nerves. Grow up.

Leos could do worse this week than to stay home and stay quiet. A little peace and quiet would do you no harm and it would be a welcome relief for the rest of us right now.

★VIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

Virgos can do no wrong right now.

You are at a great place in your life.

In a few weeks it’s spin the bottle and Postman’s Lnock season.

Hoorah.

Libras have been investing a lot of time in others recently and deserves a break. Take it easy, kick off your shoes, lie back and let someone else take the strain. Eat lots of veg.

Scorpios never seem to tire of the sound of their own voices. Funny really because I for one tire very easily. Have you ever considered taking holy orders? A silent one?

★SAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20} Sagis should be taking extra special care right now as the winter sets in.

Now is the time to scratch the bottoms of your slippers for extra traction on that slippery linoleum.

★CAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

Capricorns must must must get involved in some sort of community spirited activity. Astral has a large mountain of floaty chiffon garments that are in need of pressing if you follow my drift.

★AQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

Aquarians may sense that they are being ignored right now. Well get real, you are. There is only so much of your airy fairy nonsense that the rest of us can put up with, so shut up.

★PISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

Pisceans must decide whether to swim with or against the tide of change. Don’t not get netted and end up in the hot fat at Bardsley’s.

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11/26/09

6:25 PM

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L7 INTERVIEW 13

CLARY’S CHRISTMAS SPIRIT Julian Clary talks to Bella Todd about Cinderella, censorship and sharing his festive season with the ghost of Noel Coward

W

hen Julian Clary first appeared in Cinderella, nine years ago at Brighton’s own Theatre Royal, he entered the stage in a chariot pulled by a pair of hunky young choir boys, bare-chested save for a leather harness.

Since then, the comedian has done many serious-minded things, including knuckling down to writing two (highly acclaimed) novels, sustaining a popular column for The New Statesman, and tracing his ancestors, none of whom turned out to have been The Marquis Of Mince, for TV’s Who Do You Think You Are? He has even presented opposite that totem of wholesomeness, Fern Britton, on This Morning, where he learnt the art of “linking from an item about a woman who’s lost her children in some tragic accident to an item about saveloys”.

Moreover, and not to put too fine a point on it, he recently turned 50.

So will he be utilising an alternative mode of transport when he reprises his role in Cinderella at The Hawth this season? Not a bit of it. “There are many things I feel I can no longer do now I’m 50,” he reasons. “I think one has to evolve, in the interests of dignity. I mean, I wouldn’t wear a leather harness these days. But I'm still more than happy to appear on stage with those that do.”

There was a time when Julian, the master of filthy innuendo whose only other brush with light entertainment had involved telling an x-rated joke about then-Chancellor Norman Lamont at a prewatershed British Comedy Awards, turned his nose up at panto.

But Julian’s mother and chief advisor (the woman we also have to thank for talking him into overcoming his “fear of failure and humiliation” long enough to do Strictly Come Dancing) is a firm believer in saying ‘yes’ to opportunities. And Cinderella seems to have struck a particular chord. This will be Julian’s eighth outing as Prince Charming’s aide de camp, Dandini. And, though he

“There was lots of sulking back stage ‘cos the ugly sisters found out the Shetland ponies were on twice as much as them!” spent one run in a wheelchair after chipping a foot bone in the ballroom scene, and another with flu and a sick bucket in the wings, he hasn't missed a show.

Partly it’s Julian’s high level of involvement with the script, which he stuffs with extra double entendres each year. Partly it’s the set of seven ridiculously OTT outfits, all hand-made for him by a famous costumier who, according to Clary, fell down the stairs and died as soon as he’d sewn the final stitch. Then there’s the flexibility of the format – this year he’ll be incorporating a quickstep for fans of his performances on Strictly Come Dancing. And he also values the camaraderie of panto.

“A lot of the cast have been the same for years, so we’re old friends,” he says. “But I’ve also done pantos where people really hated each other. I did it one year with the ugly sisters muttering vile things to each other in the wings before they went on, then trying to step on each others' lines and block each others’ light and all this nonsense. Another year there was lots of sulking back stage ‘cos the sisters found out the Shetland ponies who pull Cinderella’s carriage were on twice as much as them!”

Though you might think the thigh-slapping spirit of panto at odds with the vulnerability that is also an integral part of Julian’s appeal (and was never more perceptible than during his recent Lord Of The Mince standup tour), he's found a place in Cinders for that, too.

“I’ve never gone in for self-confidence, that whole sort of John Barrowman way of presenting yourself,” he says. “And there is a vulnerable side to Dandini. In my mind, I think he’s secretly in love with the Prince. But of course this is a subtext that we don’t trouble the children with...”

Whatever his motives, Julian seems to be the sort of jewel people are looking for in their panto crown: at current booking levels, Cinderella is The Hawth’s most successful panto in 15 years.

But before he climbs back into his chariot, Julian is enjoying a week of “lolling about” at chez Clary: a tumbledown farmhouse in Kent that was once owned by Noel Coward and is, supposedly, still home to his ghost.

“There’s a whiff of Noel in every room,” says Julian. “I don’t even feel like it’s my house, I feel I’m just sort of the keeper of the keys. If you read the diaries, Blithe Spirit is kind of set here. And there’s added pleasure in imagining Noel and Marlene [Dietrich] and all the fabulous parties that he was famous for going on here. Apparently his ghost lives in the upstairs bedroom.”

It is here that Clary – in the company of 14 close family members as well as the additional ghosts of a 17th century washer woman, a laughing knight and a ‘confused youth’ (“confused is putting it a bit lightly – he fell in love with a girl from the village and drowned himself in the pond out the back”) will be spending Christmas on his day off from panto. Next year he will hole up here, possibly with a supply of his housekeeper’s “very rustic” homemade jam, and start work on his third novel.

“Censorship is all over the place,” he says when we ask whether the BBC’s recent edicts concerning comedy output have concerned him.

“I wanted to call my last book The Devil Wears Incontinence Pants and the publishers wouldn’t let me because 20 per cent of all books are sold in supermarkets and they thought it might put people off buying food.

“So there are always obstacles in the way of the creative process, is all I can say. And now we have the same old problem with my next novel.

Hasn’t the world come to something when you can’t call your own book The Rim With The View?”

Cinderella is at The Hawth, Crawley from 12 December 2009 until 3 January 2010.

01293 553636, http://tickets.hawth.co.uk

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COVER FEATURE 15

A RIGHT ROYAL CHRISTMAS Fairytales and a grand feast make for a festive good time at The Royal Pavilion

B

righton’s Royal Pavilion has something for everyone this festive season with magical events planned for both children and adults throughout December. Father Christmas and his friendly elf will be making a special visit from Lapland for seven festive dates, taking up residence in the magnificent Red Drawing Room. Every child who visits Father Christmas will receive a gift.

Following their visit to see Father Christmas, children are invited to take part in A Fairytale Christmas – a fantastical tale that weaves its way through the Royal Pavilion and features a cast of enchanting characters. Welcoming young visitors at the door is Queen Charlotte dressed as the Fairy Godmother. Look out for the beautiful Princess Lieven from Russia and grumpy Princess Caroline who has fallen from favour. Meet Cook, who will be preparing the festive feast in the Great Kitchen and, finally, be presented to Prince George himself in the Music Room.

Remember to wear your best fairytale outfits!

With a delicious Christmas lunch menu being served in the Royal Pavilion tearoom during December, A Fairytale Christmas is the perfect Christmas event for all the family to come along and enjoy.

With the children catered for, there is also something special for adults looking for a Christmas treat. The palace will open its doors for a sumptuous and exclusive Christmas Banquet in the stunning Banqueting Room on Friday 11 December. Guests will enjoy delicious Indian food served buffet-style by Julia Robinson Catering Ltd. Christmas entertainment will be provided by carol singers and historic costumed characters. Tickets are just £85 per person or £750 per table of 10 and include half a bottle of wine and a festive glass of mulled wine on arrival.

Tickets for these special events must be booked in advance on 03000 290902 or by visiting the Royal Pavilion shop.

A Fairytale Christmas, Saturday 5 & Sunday 6; Saturday 12 & Sunday 13; Sunday 20; Tuesday 22 & Wednesday 23 December, 10.30am–4.30pm.

Normal admission fee applies. A visit to Father Christmas is an additional £6.50 per child (includes gift).

The Christmas Banquet, Friday 11 December, £85 each/£750 table of 10.

Royal Pavilion admission fees: Brighton and Hove residents – £4.40 adults, up to four accompanying children free (proof of residency required); Non-residents – £8.80 adults; £5.10 children. www.brighton-hove-pavilion.org.uk

000_LS452_Badger

11/26/09

3:45 PM

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017_020_LS452_Gift for her/kids

1/12/09

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gifts for

her

❄ ❄ ❄ ❄❄ ❄ Gift Guide ❄ ❄ ❄❄ ❄ ❄

17

❄❄

The White Company Stay cozy this Christmas in this essential white dressing gown, £32.

The White Company, 4 North Street, Brighton, BN1 1EB, 0845 678 8150, www.thewhitecompany.co.uk

F

inding the perfect presents for the ladies in your life can be stressful.

Hints may have been dropped, but Christmas is the perfect time to surprise your loved ones. In the second in our series of bumper gift guides, we present a selection of the most wonderful, the most unique and the traditional. From stunning jewellery, works of art and clothing, here you will find something to put a smile on the face of your loved one come Christmas morning. And if she’s a lady who seems to have everything, a gift voucher for a luxury beauty treatment will be the perfect present.

Here, you will also find featured gifts for children from local stores One In The House and Mamissima. This includes the chance to win a fantastic children’s kitchen set worth £39. Let the shopping commence...

Sarah Sheridan ‘She’s Priceless.’ A unique silver blank price tag pendant for her to wear as a symbolic reminder of your love, friendship or simply a thank you. £19.99 www.loveandpatience.com 01273 411487

Jeremy Hoye 22a Ship Street, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 1AD T: 01273 777207 F: 01273 736870 info@jeremy-hoye.com www.jeremy-hoye.com www.twitter.com/jeremyhoye Silver and part gold plated two-piece abstract shaped pendant 7cm longest point on triangle.

On a 30" (76cm) silver gold plated snake chain.

Visage autumn/winter ‘09 retro ‘80s collection, beautiful on women and metrosexuals. Priced £95.

Treatment Rooms 21 New Road, Brighton, BN1 1UF, 01273 818444 www.thetreatmentrooms.com Gift vouchers for all values at The Treatment Rooms, for the woman in your life

Silver caged bird charm: a musthave for any charm collector standing a mighty 2cms tall. The tiny bird even swings! Priced £75

Silver Chihuahua 'Bruno' in a handbag charm from the Toy Dogs set of five charms. These dogs really are just for Christmas.

Handbag charm priced £75.

Rose Body Ritual, £95.

New season; new colours.

Deco collection: vintage style with a modern twist. Silver chandelier long drop ear studs 9.5cms with black onyx and champagne cubic zirconias. Priced £65.

018_LS452_Ads

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❄ ❄ ❄ ❄❄ ❄ Gift Guide ❄ ❄ ❄❄ ❄ ❄

North laine Photography

19

❄❄

This shot by Lee Albrow is just one of 57 great images found in the Brighton and Hove Calendar 2010. Others include stunning images of the C-Curve, Brighton in the snow, plenty of festival fun, plus unique takes on the Royal Pavilion and under the West Pier. Priced £5

China Cooper

North Laine Photography Gallery, Upstairs at Snoopers Paradise, 7–8 Kensington Gardens / and NLP Xmas stall, East 1, Churchill Square, (30 yards in from the entrance by Borders) www.brightonphotography.com

Limited Edition Silk Harlow Dress £250 by Brighton designer China Cooper www.notonthehighstreet.com/chinacooper Available from The Christmas Fashion Fair at Misty’s, 116 Church Road, Hove on 5 December.

Badger Badger Clothing Company Ltd. 25–26 Bond Street, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 1RD Menswear 01273 722245 / Womenswear 01273 325421

Hultquist Jewellery, prices from £5 to £60 Ugg slippers, £75

Ugg ear muffs; £80 Patisserie De Bain bath melts, £20

Barbour tartan silk scarves, £45

Seashells She Sells Exclusive handcrafted silver seashell jewellery. Beautiful and unique designs created in solid silver. Seashell pendants, bracelets, earrings and charms, all gorgeously gift wrapped for xmas! www.seashells-she-sells.co.uk

Beautyworks Indulge her with over an hour of heavenly relaxation and pampering for only £35. The Beautyworks Relaxation Ritual is a combination of a deeply relaxing back neck and shoulder massage and half an hour’s reflexology followed by an Indian head massage. For an extra £5 include the use of Hot Stones to completely de-stress her.

Beautifully wrapped gift vouchers for this treatment and many more packages available from their online shop. 2 Burlington Parade, Burlington Gardens, Portslade, BN41 2DJ, 01273 420198 www.beautyworks.net/shop

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20

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Baroque Jewellery

Page 4

Art Republic 'Cloudcatcher' signed limited edition art print by Graham Carter. £150 unframed (a wide range of framing options available).

Art Republic, 13 Bond Street, Brighton BN1 1RD, 01273 724829

This cute Shaun Leane “Cherry Blossom” pendant is available only at at Baroque Jewellery in Brighton The branch is oxidised silver and decorated with pink enamel and delicate pink sapphires – prices in this collection start from £120.

9 Union Street, Brighton BN1 1HA, 01273 777003, www.baroquejewellery.com

gifts for

Kids

Mamissima Wooden Kitchen, £39.

An adorable little kitchen which will last forever.

Double sided, it has everything you would find in a grown-up kitchen in one neat little stand. One side is to play cooking with a hotplate, oven, microwave and cookware. The other side has a sink, washing machine, magnetic board and magnet.

Size: 34 x 22 x 17 cm.

Mamissima Mother & Child, 82 North Road,Brighton, BN1 1YD, 01273 626676, www.mamissima.co.uk WIN this wonderful toy kitchen: just tell us: what is the traditional roast cooked on Christmas day? Email your answer to competitions@thelatest.co.uk or write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Closing date: 14 December.

❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄ ❄❄ ❄

❄ ❄❄❄

One In The House

One In The House, 40 Trafalgar Street, Brighton, BN1 4ED, 01273 677714

Buttery soft, natural lambskin.

Colours forest and dusky rose.

0–24 months £23

Buttery soft, natural lambskin.

Elasticated ankleband for snug fit.

0–24 months £18

021_LS452_food

11/26/09

4:06 PM

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ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK 21

Food & Drink Andrew Kay discovers fine and satisfying cooking at The Sussex Yeoman in Brighton

Elle’s belles W

e’re big blokes, Mr R and me, and big blokes like a big dinner. Not every time, as my appetite is variable, but I do like to leave a table feeling satisfied. There are rather too many eateries serving tiny dolly portions in the name of fine dining when really they are serving the master of large margins and gross profits. It’s not a problem at the top end of the food chain but is something that lurks around the middle where “Cooking of the highest pretence rules on many levels.

Last week we made a much calibre; you will not overdue visit to The Sussex Yeoman. Chef Ellie had impressed leave feeling either me at this year’s Food & Drink hungry or cheated” Festival live food show with her sausages and her ability to step into the breach in an emergency.

But would her cooking match up with the very positive reports I had been hearing for some time?

We decided to find out and headed out on a cold evening. The pub is warm and friendly, old fashioned still but with a few modern twists. The menu is chalked up at one end of the room and within minutes my stomach was cheering me on as I read what was on offer. It’s a nice and varied list of fare, well balanced and priced to suit many pockets.

We made our choices, took our seats and very soon a waiter was asking us what we would like. Mr R wasted little time in staking claim to a warm Sussex goats cheese rolled in chilli flakes. Its robust flavours and generous quantity certainly put a smile on his face. I went for salt cod salad. Now salt cod is a dangerous ingredient and in bad hands can never be rescued from tasting like the insole from a fishmonger’s trainer. It needs a lot of care and attention and I am delighted to say it got just that. Perfect flakes of delicious fish were tossed with white beans in a lemony dressing to great effect. It was an impressive and encouraging start.

Mr R grabbed the pigeon breast with lentil dish that had caught my eye but I was happy to let him have his way. That was, until it arrived, when the green eyes of envy took over and I could not resist digging in. What good cooking: perfect lentils, tender pigeon – truly excellent stuff. It was all excellent but showing well was a timbale of creamed spinach that really impressed.

It may sound as though I am building to a disappointment but on the contrary, his choice pushed me to have the mutton. Ah mutton, that much under-used meat, and here treated with the greatest respect.

A shoulder had been slow-cooked to render away much of the fat, and on top was a massive mutton chop that had me licking my lips and later my fingers. Both were dressed with a dry salsa of capers and anchovies – the pickled kind – and it simply buzzed with intense flavours. To match the big meaty flavours I had mash, carrots and purple sprouting broccoli, which were all piping hot and cooked to perfection. My word, this chef certainly knows her stuff.

We were far too full for puds but you know how it is, if a job’s worth doing... Mr R went straight for an apple and pear crumble. I hate crumble, or at least I hate the slippery bit that forms a barrier between the fruit and the crumble. It arrived looking superb and before long he was laughing: there was no slippery bit. I took a spoonful and he was right, it was delicious – everything I always wanted crumble to be.

I was equally happy, however, with a pudding that satisfied on several levels. Yorkshire Parkin served with Sussex blue cheese struck me as an inspired concept that was either going to be culinary genius or disaster.

Hoorah for genius. The slightly sticky parkin dotted with pinhead oatmeal was sweet and spicy enough to match the creamy blue cheese. I felt like I had two courses, not one, and ate the parts both together and separately.

Whichever way, it worked well.

We started with a beer, took a bottle of reasonable wine and finished with a good coffee. The cooking at The Sussex Yeoman is of the highest calibre; great sourcing, most of it local, great invention and creativity, excellent kitchen skills and brilliant value. I suggest that you will not leave feeling either hungry or cheated. Oh, and those delicious sausages (I have tasted a few), change daily and are always home-made.

The Sussex Yeoman, 7 Guildford Road, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 3LU, 01273 327985

Have you been to The Sussex Yeoman? andrew@thelatest.co.uk

022_LS452_Ads

11/26/09

4:22 PM

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22

Enjoy Christmas at

The Elizabethan Cottage Tandoori (Established 1987)

Fabulous (4 course) Christmas Day Family Lunch Papadom and Chutney

Starters (choose one) Chicken Chat, Onion Bahji, Tandoori Chicken, Chicken Tikka, Meat or Vegetable Samosa Side Dishes Bombay Potato, Onion Bahji, Mushroom Bahji, Chana Masalla, Sag Aloo

Elizabethan Special Main Course

(choose one) Served with Pilau Rice Badami Kurma Chicken, Murgh Kurchan, Elizabethan Special Biryani, Murgh Masalla, Fish Tikka, Chicken Tikka Balti (with nan), Elizabethan Special Jalfrezi.

Dessert and Coffee

£19.99 per person (Drinks not included, King Prawn dishes £2.50 extra)

Special Mouthwatering Dish Kulchi Lamb Full four course meal for four persons.

Choose one starter & one side dish from the above list.

Price includes a bottle of house wine (white or red)

£29.99 per person (Advance notice required)

130/136 Old London Road, Patcham, Brighton, BN1 8YA ADVANCED BOOKING ESSENTIAL ON 01273 507075 (10% service charge)

023_025_LS452_Xmas_Food

11/26/09

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FOOD & DRINK 23

Pelham House There’s plenty of foodie festive cheer at Pelham House in Lewes this December

T

he festive season is a time for families, friends and celebrations. But equally, it’s a time of stress, hard work and lots of cooking. So why not take the plunge and decide to do things differently this year?

Pelham House hotel and restaurant, a 16th century Sussex town house nestled in the heart of Lewes, is offering Christmas Day lunch at just £79, with half price deals for children under 12 and complimentary meals for children under the age of three.

Pelham House is a stylish venue combining elegance, history and design, and has built a solid reputation for Christmas packages, civil ceremonies,

weddings, conferences, events, fine dining and regular art installations throughout the hotel and its gardens.

Pelham House can help arrange your work Christmas party, catering from two to 150 diners. Lunch starts at £19.50 a head and a three-course Christmas party night

is £27.50 a head. The hotel will also be hosting a special party night on Friday 11 December for those who wish to dance the night away.

The four-star venue, just a short drive from Brighton, offers spectacular views of the South Downs. Let Pelham House take the stress out of the festive season.

Get away from it all with Christmas accommodation starting from £95 a night, and treat yourself to a Christmas to remember.

Pelham House, St Andrew’s Lane, Lewes, East Sussex, BN7 1UW, 01273 488600 www.pelhamhouse.com, sales@pelhamhouse.com

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FOOD & DRINK 25

Terraces Bar & Grill Celebrate the festive season in an enviable seafront location at Terraces Bar & Grill Terraces Bar & Grill offers a spacious and self-contained area perfect for all types of celebrations including Christmas parties, overlooking Brighton seafront and just 30 seconds walk from the beach.

Whether you require a bespoke service or an all inclusive package, you can be sure of a calm and professional service from your initial enquiry through to the day itself.

Terraces Bar & Grill offer the complete dining experience. The restaurant has a capacity of 240, a fully licensed bar and extensive coffee menu. Food menus range from nibbles and canapés to full hot buffet or formal sit down dinners. The choice is endless.

Contact them now to discuss your requirements or to arrange a show around. Terraces Bar & Grill are now taking bookings for New Year’s Eve. Book before Saturday 12 December and receive a free welcome cocktail and free glass of bubbly at midnight.

Terraces Bar And Grill, Unit 8, Madeira Drive, Brighton, East Sussex, BN2 1PS, 01273 570526, www.the-terraces.co.uk, enquiries@the-terraces.co.uk

Artisan A daily set menu in December makes festive dining at Artisan go down a treat Artisan kick starts the festive season with the launch of the Christmas menu on the first day of December through to New Year’s Eve celebrations. The daily set menu (£19.99 per person) includes a choice of three dishes for each course, with starters including crispy comfit duck and black pudding salad, honeyroasted parsnip and black pepper soup. This is followed by an extravagant turkey dinner with Polish bubble and squeak, wok fried sprouts, cranberry compote and red wine sauce. For non-meat eaters there is salmon and Brie en croute with a prawn and tomato chive sauce or Polish potato croquettes filled with cabbage, chestnut and mushroom cream sauce.

Visit Artisan’s website for details on their magnificent Christmas Day and New Year’s Eve menus. Reservations are required for group bookings.

The restaurant also serves as an impressive arts venue featuring monthly exhibitions by local artists and live music, theatre and dance performances for diners. For upcoming performances, give them a call or visit their website.

Open Monday to Saturday 8am – 11pm, Sunday 9.30am–9.30pm. Artisan, 197 High Street, Lewes BN7 2NS, 01273 479713, enquire@artisancafe.co.uk, www.artisancafe.co.uk

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HOTLIST Preston Park Tavern

L7 Hotlist Feeling peckish? Insatiably ravenous? These eateries and bars cater for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk

A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers.

88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

The Restaurant At Drakes Chimney House

Nestled inside Brighton’s finest designer hotel – the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Awarded two coveted AA Rosettes through the skills and talents of head chef Andrew MacKenzie, Drakes offers exquisite cuisine with the highest quality seasonal ingredients. Two-course menu for £28 or thee courses for £36. Five course chef’s menu £50. Private dining room available for parties of up to 12 people.

The Restaurant At Drakes, 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com

Chinese Gars Restaurant This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen.

Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French

Restaurants American JB’s Diner JB’s Diner is a quirky and cool nod to the classic American Diner, from the ’50s rock’n’roll and the retro dining booths to the stars ‘n’ stripes flying proud as you eat your way through their delicious USA themed menu. The burgers are generous, fresh, tasty and available in many different varieties, the Texan BBQ and ‘Across The Border’ Mexican being firm favourites. Other top sellers include the foot-long hotdogs and rack of ribs. Add a thick dairy ice-cream shake in many flavours (including Oreo!) and we have an American diner perfect for kids and adults alike, looking out onto the very British Brighton beach.

31 Kings Road, Brighton BN1 1NR, 01273 771776, www.jbsdiner.co.uk

British & modern European 9 Bar Café It’s rare to find a place serving great coffee plus exceptionally good food day and night. This laid back, stylish new venue in Hove has achieved this in spades. Well worth a visit, they do the best chips ever tasted and appear to have already acquired several celebrity residents as regulars. Expect to pay £7 for breakfast/lunch and under £20 for a three-course dinner.

9 Bar Café, 118 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721838, www.9bar.co.uk

Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele.

Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch

Check out Andrew Kay’s comprehensive Brighton, Hove and Sussex Food & Drink directory online at www.thelatest.co.uk

Cocoa Patisserie and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

Barney’s Sample the new menu – available until closing time seven days a week! Mainline draught beers/bottles and branded spirts for £1.99, plus fantastic cocktails only £2.99. With sixty seats outside, this is the perfect place to eat, meet and socialise in the sunshine.

102-106 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 1FA, 01273 720058.

Barneys@home home delivery service starting soon!

Chimney House With a stylish, cosy interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu includes locally-caught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a light lunch and glass of wine or a hearty three-course dinner.

28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708, www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

The Dorset A firm favourite of the North Laine, The Dorset is the best people-watching spot in town.

This pub/restaurant boasts a friendly and lively atmosphere, with a varied menu of home-cooked delicious food including their famous eggs benedict, Moules and fresh fish.

Their Bloody Marys are very popular too!

28 North Road Brighton, 01273 605423

Koba Bar and Venue

Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. They offer a wide selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away.

There’re also beautiful cakes made to order for special occasions.

48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824, www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo

The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why.

Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95.

16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk

Thai Sabai Thai Gastrobar Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui or the contemporary restaurants of Bangkok. With its cosy Thai cushions nestled up on a raised platform, enjoy a 2-for-1 cocktail or dishes in the afternoon from just £4.95. Sabai’s great atmosphere is made complete with an acoustic guitarist on Wednesdays and Sundays.

165–169 Princes House, Princes Place, North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabaibrighton.co.uk, bookings@sabaibrighton.co.uk

Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience.’ Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

New Steine Bistro This cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions is the perfect setting to enjoy homemade French food using local produce as much as possible. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three courses, Sunday to Thursday, and £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three courses on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available seven evenings a week. Open from 6pm.

10 /11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/restaurant.asp

JB’s Diner

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials.

Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day, and an Anglo-French cheeseboard. Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the two-course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian

Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar Sunday to Friday with cocktails from £2.95 and wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards, including one of the ‘top 50 bars in the UK’.

Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

Chaula’s

The Plough Inn

The Chilli Pickle

New to the Golden Lion Group, the Plough Inn at Rottingdean is a lovely, cosy pub offering great beer, fine wines and excellent homemade food lunch & evenings. Favourites include the steak and Guinness pie and Mediterranean vegetable lasagne.

Vicarage Lane, Rottingdean, 01273 390635

The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of The Lanes. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food plus a good selection of thalis and the ever-popular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national awardwinning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a wine list also feature.

Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

To add your restaurant, bar or cafe to our latest Hotlist call Rachel today on 01273 818150 ex105

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STAGE 27

L7 WHAT’S ON

> Tuesday 1 to Monday 7 December>

Stage

...and 5, 6, 7, 8...

Love musicals or hate them, the improvised Showstopper! is for you, says Andrew Kay

A

s a hardened theatre junkie I am prepared to sit through anything – well, almost anything.

Of course, friends and loved ones find this total willingness to be entertained hard to countenance.

I put it down to an open mind and the belief that I cannot know what I will like until I have sat through it.

Over the years that has meant that I have sat through some absolute dogs, but I have also seen some works of pure genius, and often in the oddest places.

So show me to the seat and raise the curtain is my motto, and I will wait to pass judgement.

Of course I accept that some people do not like certain kinds of theatre – and I guess that the most hated form is the musical; well certainly amongst the hip and trendy and the intellectual elite.

Well, I have just seen a show that will cater for both lovers and detractors of the musical theatre form, and I am delighted to say that it is coming to Komedia in Brighton this month.

Showstopper! is a non-stop evening of hysterical fun with a cast of six, a narrator-cumfacilitator and a two-piece band.

And its and improvisation show, too; yes I know improv can be hit

Stagelistings > Tuesday 1 to Monday 14 December > THE BASEMENT, BRIGHTON 01273 699733 www.thebasement.uk.com Post Show Party Show Michael Pinchbeck recreates the post-show party at which his parents met in the ‘70s. of The Sound Of Music. >3 Dec, 7.30pm, £6 BRIGHTON DOME, CONCERT HALL 01273 700747 www.brightondome.org Wayne McGregor/Random Dance: Entity NB VENUE AND DATE CHANGE. Contemporary dance piece from the Royal Ballet’s resident choreographer, set to a pounding soundscape by Jon Hopkins (Coldplay, Massive Attack) and Joby Talbot (The Divine Comedy). > 2 Dec, 8pm, £12.50–£17.50

CHICHESTER FESTIVAL THEATRE 01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk The Snow Queen Chichester Festival Youth Theatre’s new musical adaptation of the Hans Christian Andersen children’s classic. >16–31 Dec, various times and prices, see website for details THE HAWTH, CRAWLEY 01293 553636, https://tickets.hawth.co.uk/public/ Cinderella Panto starring Julian Clary. > 12 Dec-3 Jan, various times and prices, see website for details NEW VENTURE THEATRE, BRIGHTON 01273 702563 www.newventure.org.uk The Lying Kind Modern-day black farce. > 5-12 Dec, 7.45pm, 2.30pm matinee 6 Dec, £8/£7

and miss but I assure you that Showstopper! is a number one hit.

Let me explain: the cast are sat to your right, the band and narrator to the left. His mobile phone rings and you are led to believe that it is Cameron Mackintosh. The narrator is a musical writer and Cameron hates what he has been sent and needs another show fast. This is where you join in.

For the next few minutes you are asked to suggest setting, genres, periods and styles for a pitch to the great impressario. Mackintosh agrees and the show begins. Yes, it’s as simple and as crazy as that, and believe me, it gets crazier.

But how does it appeal to both lovers and haters of the form?

Well, the lovers will thrill to the spoof songs performed in the styles that they have requested. We loved our Willy Russell number, the Sound Of Music spoof had us in stitches, and the Brecht was a triumph of satire that showed the depth of theatrical skill and knowledge that these guys have to put into practice at the click of a finger.

Those who hate musicals, meanwhile, will appreciate seeing

the genres they so despise sent-up in this way. It’s a win-win situation, and one that had the entire sell-out audience at the very discerning Kings Head Theatre in Islington completely won over.

Of course, the nature of the show should mean that it is different every night, so I ask around and find a few people who have been more than once. They assure me that it is different every time and never short of brilliant.

On the night I went, we had a musical set in ancient Egypt in a wide variety of styles from Rodgers and Hammerstein to Chicago, with a bit of Cat Stevens for good (or bad) measure. Oh, and if you think that the rigour of making up a musical in a range of recognised styles is not enough, the narrator will from time to time stop the antics and raise the bar by introducing a few extra tasks to test the team. We cried laughing and so did everyone else. I cannot wait to see the show again and urge you to do the same.

Showstopper! The Improvised Musical is at Komedia from 27-30 December, 0845 293 8480, www.komedia.co.uk/brighton

NIGHTINGALE THEATRE, BRIGHTON 01273 702563 www.nightingaletheatre.co.uk Believe Contemporary retelling of four women’s tales of war, taking the Old Testament as inspiration. > 4 Dec, 7pm, £8.50/£6.50

UPSTAIRS AT THREE AND TEN, BRIGHTON 07800 983 290 www.otherplaceproductions.co.uk Clothes To Fall Apart In Performance-art, theatre, cinema and a love of Bette Davis combine in a story about a misfit. > 2–3 Dec, 8pm, £6/£5

The World's Wife Linda Marlowe’s comic stage version of Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy's work told from the perspective of the wives of famous men throughout history. > 5 Dec, 7pm, £8.50/£6.50

WORTHING: CONNAUGHT THEATRE, 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Robinson Crusoe Classic pantomime fun, starring Coronation Street’s Tracy Shaw. > 3 Dec–3 Jan, various times and prices, see website for details

THEATRE ROYAL, BRIGHTON 08448 717650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Peter Pan The Theatre Royal kicks off panto season with this traditional offering following last year’s more experimental Wizard Of Oz, returning to good old audience participation. >4 Dec–3 Jan, times vary daily. various times and prices, see website for details

WORTHING: PAVILION THEATRE, 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Cinderella End-of-the-pier traditional panto stars Todd Carty as Buttons. > 10 Dec–3 Jan, various times and prices, see website for details

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MUSIC & CLUB LISTINGS

Clublistings

Musiclistings

> Tuesday 1 to Monday 7 December >

> Tuesday 1 to Monday 7 December >

>highlight SUPERCHARGED Tease your cochleas with British dance music’s brightest new talent, Toddla T! Described as a ‘lanky streak of gabbling enthusiasm’ by one article, Sheffield’s finest geek has been stacking up column inches from NME to The Guardian with not a criminal word to say.

Emerging from the hotbed of Sheffield's underground electronic scene, his sound crashes into every genre pool with floorsmashing tough basslines and still enough wiggle for the ladies. So be prepared for genre smashing, laugh-out-loud rhymes and jump-up energy, say 'Ey Up' to the ambassador of the dancefloor and watch him tear them up!

Wednesday 2 December, Audio

TUESDAY 1 AUDIO New Slang. Tight-trousered indie disco.

10pm–2am, £3/2 NUS DIGITAL Glitterati. A classy night for student types. 11pm–3am, £3/2 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE San Frandisco. Dust off your disco shoes and polish up your disco balls... 11pm–3am, free HONEY CLUB Indie Rocks. 11pm–3am, £2/1 PAVILION TAVERN Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock and metal. 10.30pm–3am, £3/1

>

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>

>

AUDIO Supercharged. See Highlight.

11pm–2.30am, £3/1 BRIGHTON COALITION Robot Rock. ’80s synth, electro rock and indie pop. 11pm–3am, £1 DIGITAL The Poundance. Indie, R’n’B, electro, dubstep and chart tracks. 11pm–3am, £1 LIFE Let’s Kill Disco. Playing all manner of dirty mash-ups and filthy beats.

10.30pm–2.30am, £3/1

>

> >

>

BRIGHTON COALITION Secret Discotheque. Retro disco, ’80s pop, hair metal. 10pm–3am, £3/2 DIGITAL Thursday Club. Rampant eclecticism from Major Lazer that'll have you ‘vibrate like a Nokia’. 11pm, £10 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE BangBang.

Hip-hop, dup step and D’n’B! 11pm–5am, £1 b4 12am HONEY CLUB Fusion. Six DJs, three rooms of sexy R’n’B, indie and house, one place to be.

10.30pm–3am, £3/1 LIFE Club NME. Live NME bands and Brighton DJs. 10.30pm–3am, £2/1 VOLKS Sicknote. Pounding trance not girly prance. 11pm, £tbc

>

>

>

>

> Freebutt, 7.30pm, £tbc

First Blood Tour: Wednesday 13's Gunfire 76 + Bullets Octane + Spit Like This The new project from former Murderdolls frontman Wednesday 13.

Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £12 Small Gods + Chris Simmons Rock and dark balladry influenced by the likes of Pearl Jam and Neil Young.

Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £3

Sonic Syndicate Female-fronted Swedish thrash metallers in the vein of Soilwork.

Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £7 Who's Afear'd + Mel's Allstars + Wotnots 'Scrumpy and western' three piece from Dorset make curse-heavy rackets.

Prince Albert, 7.30pm, £tbc

SATURDAY 5

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AUDIO Summer Of Love. House, electro and techno. 11pm–4am, free BRIGHTON COALITION Junkbox 4th Birthday.

1460 days, 35,040 hours or about 652 dog years of fresh music and raw talent.

11pm–4am, £12/8 CONCORDE 2 Raindance Rave Festival.

Energising beats, ravebreaks and quick fire mixing. 11pm–5am, £10/8 DIGITAL Pussycat Club – Ice Hotel. Cutting edge funky electro, dirty house, twisted tech and indie dance. 11pm–4am, £12/10 HONEY CLUB Sevensins. Electro, trance and house with guests. 10.30pm–5am, £10/8 LIFE Hold Up. Indie night. 11pm–4am, £5 NEW HERO It is Still 1985. Alternative ’80s night full of adventurous tunes! 10pm, £3 VOLKS Psychedelicious. A tantalising mix of treats from psytrance to breaks, prog and ElectroTek. 11pm–5am, £6/8

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THURSDAY 3

>

TUESDAY 1

BRIGHTON COALITION Censored. House music, groovy vibes, naughty dancers and crazy visuals. 10pm–4am, £6 b4 12 CONCORDE 2 Trojan Soundsystem. Major Trojan selector Earl Gateshead brings his reggae 11pm–3am, £3 sound.

DIGITAL Stonelove. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll with DJ and live bands.

11pm–3am, £4 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE Drink, Dance, Repeat.

Mixing and mashing together all your favorites!

11pm–4am, £5/3 HONEY CLUB Fool's Gold. Bringing you the crème de la crop in club music with Holland's hot property, Laidback Luke and A-Trak.

11pm, £tbc JAM Wonky glitch-hop, cutting edge dubstep, jungle, breaks and splatterings of liquid D'n'B. 11pm–3am, free OCEAN ROOMS Freebass. All kindsa basses for all kindsa faces. 11pm–5am, free PO NA NA Ice Box. Awesome funk, soul, house and dance floor cutz. 10pm–3am, £6/5 VOLKS The Regime. The free party with bone crushing basslines!

11pm, free

>

WEDNESDAY 2

>

FRIDAY 4

SUNDAY 6 HONEY CLUB Sundelicious. House and soulful beats. 10pm, £2/1 LIFE Maxxi Soundsystem. Full on party soundsystem. 6pm, free

> >

> >

WEDNESDAY 2 BIMM End Of Term Gig The Brighton Institute of Modern Music showcase their finest.

Komedia, 8pm, £4 Exit Ten + Burn The Fleet Five-piece rock and metal from Reading.

Freebutt, 7.30pm, £tbc Frankmusik + Killa Kela ‘80s-driven electro-pop with dependable support from the acclaimed beatboxer Kela.

Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £10 Madness Suggs’ pop-ska veterans tour their album The Liberty Of Norton Folgate.

Brighton Centre 8pm, £33.50 Slide Guitar Extravaganza: Bob Brozman + Tom Doughty + Fred Kinbom Acoustic slide guitar special featuring US and UK bluesmen.

Komedia, 7.30pm, £11

> > > >

AUDIO Glue. Sticking hip-hop to dancehall.

11pm–3am, £3/2 BRIGHTON COALITION Trash Mondays.

10.30pm–3am, £3/free HONEY CLUB Detention. Weekly student trash bash. 10.30pm–3.30am, £3/free Jaime Pettit

> >

>

Geno Washington + The Ram Jam Band ‘60sstyle swinging soul from the party favourite.

The Old Market, 8pm, £15 Here Come The Girls: Lulu + Chaka Khan + Anastacia This slightly scary line-up of pop divas combine powers to take Brighton.

Brighton Centre, 8pm, £25–40 The Herbaliser + Tinroots Genre-dabbling hiphop with a little jazz, soul and funk thrown in.

Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £10 The Space: Goldie + Ian Rankin + Emily Baker D'n'b legend Goldie headlines this talky event, with local singer-songwriter Emily Baker performing live.

Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £6/4 Thursday Club: Major Lazer + Mumdance + Blah Blah Blah DJs Club night with live performances.

Digitial 8pm, £10 Turncoat + Shadow Empire + Nimmo And The Gauntlets Quality Brightonian rockers in the vein of Joy Division or Echo and the Bunnymen.

And they were doing this before White Lies topped the charts!

Prince Albert, 7.30pm, £tbc

> > > > >

FRIDAY 4 Christmas Kate: Kate Rusby The South Yorkshire folk favourite performs a special set of Christmas tunes.

Brighton Dome, 8pm, £15–19.50 Future Of The Left Hard-rocking former Mclusky members look set to hit the bigtime very soon.

>

tues 1 dec

fri 4 dec

small gods+chris simmons a band of great musicians delivering addictive songs with passion and feel 8pm £3

private christmas party to book your private christmas party call ruth or megan on 01273 687171 or email bookings@thelatest.co.uk

wed 2 dec goodnight eddie +rothko+support 8pm £3/2

thurs 3 dec the space arts & media event with d&b legend goldie + crime author ian rankin & music from emily baker doors 7.30pm starts 8.00pm £6/£4 for members

SATURDAY 5 African Drumming Workshop An African drumming workshop for kids aged 5 to 11, with Ghanaian master drummer Yaw Asumadu.

Brighton Dome, 2pm–3pm, £5 Alice Cooper The glam rocky horror, film star and, erm, celebrity golfer hits the stage in full gaudy glory.

Brighton Centre, 7pm, £32.50 Kroon Kat Lounge: Nicky Mitchell and the Hepkat Huzzahs Swinging cabaret fun with jazz classics from the ‘20s through to the ‘50s.

Komedia, 8pm, £17.50 Part Chimp Irreverent lo-fi guitar rock from former members of Ligature.

Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £6.50 The Adam Davis Band The 14-year-old Churchill Square busker and his band head indoors!

Latest Music Bar, 6pm, £5 The Bootleg Beatles What to say? Beatles covers from the best in the business.

Brighton Dome, 8pm, £22.50

> > > > >

SUNDAY 6 Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra Classical concert featuring works from Rossini, Beethoven and Brahms.

Brighton Dome, 2.45pm, £8–£32 LMB All Star Christmas Party Soul band play this festive fiesta.

Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £7/6/25 inc meal Will Young The pop soul former Pop Idol winner made good.

Brighton Centre, 8pm, £35

> > >

MONDAY 7 Ben Howard Surfy acoustic type who’s supported Xavier Rudd and Jason Mraz.

Komedia, 8pm, £tbc BMA Fundraiser: The Bobby McGee's + Seany Clarke + Daniel Marcus Clark Fundraiser for the Bhopal Medical Appeal, featuring live music, DJs and cake stalls!

Latest Music, 8pm, £5 Breakthrough With Rough Trade Unsigned local bands showcase.

Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £3/2 Mum Idiosyncratic Icelanders creating glacial soundscapes from electronic glitchy beats.

Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £12.50 Primary Schools Christmas Concert If only Alice Cooper was sticking around...

Brighton Centre, 7pm–8.20pm, £4.10–8.25 (£19–21 family) Nick Aldwinckle

> > > > >

your private party, wedding or anniversary call 01273 687171 or email bookings@thelatest.co.uk downstairs: sussex columbia solidarity benefit with pollito boogaloo+dj john warr 6pm £5 advance/£6 on the door

sat 5 dec the adam davis band playing songs from his album 'shout out' 6pm–8pm £5 the scene club night psychedelia, rock, mod, pop, soul 9pm–2am £5

sun 6 dec upstairs: private party to book

manchester street, brighton tel.

>

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THURSDAY 3

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MONDAY 7

>

01273 687171

mon 7 dec upstairs: bhopal fundraiser in aid of the bhopal medical appeal with seany clarke+daniel marcus clark + the bobby mcgees + djs + raffle & cake stall 7pm suggested donation £5 downstairs: breakthrough with rough trade 8.30pm £3/2

thelatest.co.uk/musicbar

029_LS452 musichighlights_news

11/27/09

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MUSIC NEWS

Musichighlights

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Music

> Tuesday 1 to Monday 7 December >

With Jeff Hemmings

MADNESS The Nutty Boys have been enjoying an incredible resurgence of late, which isn’t really suprising when you remember that they had 15 top ten singles back in the ’70s and ’80s. Their recent album, The Liberty Of Norton Folgate, made the top five in the charts, showing their knack for delivering quality pop songs.

Wednesday 2 December, Brighton Centre

BOB BROZMAN Highly regarded ‘national’ guitar player and world authority on Ethnomusicology. Mixing up a delicious blend of blues, ragtime, gypsy jazz, Hawaiian and Caribbean styles, this cult artist has played with many musicians from around the world. Tonight he’ll be joined by lap-steel guitarist Fred Kinbom and Tom Doughty.

Wednesday 2 December, Komedia

THE WONDER OFALICE

MUM Perhaps unsuprisingly, this Icelandic act produce beautiful soundscapes of glitch beats and live acoustic instrumentation. Made up of two guys and two pairs of twin sisters, they’ve developed a strong following who just can’t get enough of their intricate sounds that sooth yet invigorate.

Monday 7 December, Concorde 2

BITTER RUIN This extraordinary duo of Georgina Train and Ben Richards play their last gig of the year before heading off to America to record with Amanda Palmer’s producer, Jason Rubal. There will be a video screening of their song ‘Soldier’. Support comes form The Polly Tones – expect a hybrid of Regina Spektor and dark cabaret overtones.

Thursday 3 December, Brunswick Madness

Archetypal shock-rocker Alice Cooper on the joys of teetotalism, golf and getting compliments from Bob Dylan

H

e’s been at it more than 40 years now, but 61-year-old Alice Cooper (Vincent Damon Furnier) shows no sign of putting his feet up. Nor does he seem intent on toning down the image that has served him incredibly well over the years since his breakthrough with the 1971 album Love It To Death.

“Every kid thinks they are going to be as big as The Beatles or The Rolling Stones, but once you get in a band you realise how hard it is!” says Alice from his home base of Phoenix, Arizona, where he is preparing for a European tour that takes in Brighton this week. “It’s all a big dream until it happens. I’ve never had another job. I’ve always been a lead singer. I’m still very happy with this job!”

After the huge success of The Alice Cooper Band back in the early-mid ’70s, which included the all-time classic ‘School’s Out’, Alice became a solo artist, a role he’s continued to this day.

What does he put his longevity down to? “I’ve always been a rock ’n’ roller; I get up on stage in costume and the audience can’t wait... I just love it, and they love it too... If you don’t have a good stage show you shouldn’t even be making records,” he opines.

It’s the sheer live theatricality of Alice Cooper, as well as his songwriting ability and generally likeable persona, that has made him rich and famous.

Overcoming an addiction to alcohol back in the ’70s also helped him remain durable. “When I was 30 I was doing a bottle of whiskey a day. I felt like I was 65 then. Now I’m almost 65 I feel like I’m 30.”

He’s worked with and received kudos from some of the greats, including Bob Dylan. “When he said I was an under-valued songwriter, that was one of the best compliments of my life.” More recently he’s worked with Slash of Guns N’ Roses. “Slash came to me saying, ‘I’ve got a germ of an idea’, so my son and I went about finishing the song and recording it with Slash, and duetting with Nicole [Scherzinger, lead singer of The Pussycat Dolls].”

Cooper’s highly visible profile is helped along by his acting (Monster Dog, Wayne’s World et al), commercials (including one recently with Ronnie Corbett) and his superb golf game. “I shot a one over par 73 today,” he says. “And a two under [70] the day before.” These scores would serve him very well if he was to turn professional. “I play six days a week, but I don’t think I’ll be playing in the UK. I’m not a six sweater guy!”

Alice Cooper, 5 December, Brighton Centre.

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EVENTS | ART

Eventspreview

Arthighlights

> Tuesday 1 to Monday 7 December >

> Tuesday 1 to Monday 7 December >

Hungry Like The Wolf

DRUSILLAS CHRISTMAS EVENTS

Exploring natural magic and modern mysticism in a time where untamed, natural spaces are slowly disappearing, and in a season where original traditions have been replaced by consumer frenzy, Hungry Like The Wolf features a mixture of modern mythology and contemporary folklore. Opening on 3 December to a soundscape by local five-piece Pytron, it will finish on the weekend of The Guerilla Art Market (12/13 Dec) for which it serves as a preview.

Hungry Like The Wolf, Brighton Media Centre, 15-17 Middle Street. 01273 384200. Until 3-13 Dec

For a fun, festive family day out visit Drusillas Zoo Park this Christmas. Weekends from 28 November and daily from 12 –23 December you can see Santa and his elves working hard making toys.

There is also a Santa’s grotto where you can meet the man himself and receive an early Christmas gift.

Alternatively, on Sunday 6 and Sunday 20 December, the Fat Controller will be making a special appearance at the park to keep the resident trains Thomas, James, Diesel, Clarabel and others in check.

Take a ride on Thomas and see if you can spot the others!

Santa’s Christmas Cottage open from 28th November – tickets available from the zoo gate for £3.50, the Fat Controller visits 6 and 20 December.

See www.drusillas.co.uk or call 01323 874100 for more information.

This newly established studio and gallery is home to a number of very highly regarded illustrators and printmakers including co-founder Graham Carter, Fiona Hewitt, Sally Elford, Sam Chivers, Ellen Giggenbach, Ruth Green and Zara Wood. The screen-printing studios will also be open so visitors can see them in action. Part of the Christmas Artists Open Houses.

Boxbird Gallery & Studios, 14 St Johns Road, Hove, 01273 734295. 2-6 and 9-13 December

Events highlights

Woman’s Work

5–6 DECEMBER

5&6 DECEMBER and 12&13 DECEMBER

Alfriston Comforts and Joys Weekend The village of Alfriston celebrates the festive season with a free event. The main road through the village will be closed to traffic as local bands and community groups entertain the crowds with performances – including bagpipe playing and the Salvation Army Band.

There will also be a Santa’s Grotto, horse and wagon rides and the temptations of Pudding Paradise – with tasty treats on offer from local merchants on Sunday afternoon. Also, don your favourite headgear to celebrate the ‘Hats off to Santa’ children’s competition.

Alfriston Town, Centre, www.alfriston.org, or call 01323 871222 for information.

Artists Open Houses The seventh Christmas Artists Open Houses festival offers a great selection of art and handmade goods – ideal for unique and beautiful gifts. Each house generally showcases a wide range of work including paintings, sculpture, ceramics, jewellery, textiles, lighting, furnishings, cards and Christmas decorations. Many houses also offer mulled wine and Christmas fare while you browse.

Venues around the city. For full details visit www.aoh.org.uk/artists-open-houses/aohxmas-2009

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6 DECEMBER The Uncanny Valley Short Fuse Stories presents The Uncanny Valley. A night of literary exploration into the eeriest corners of the imagination with a line-up of unsettling short tales from local writers.

Bar and weird sounds between readings.

Komedia, www.komedia.co.uk, 8pm, £5

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Ruth Green

Boxbird

Nicola Maxwell-Gumbleton

Debut show from the artists’ collective at St Andrews Studio in Lewes. Sharing a common interest in the human form, and with a chosen media ranging from oil paint to embroidery, featured artists include Lindy Dunbar, Harriet Hildick-Smith, Gerry Corteze, Nicola King and gallery owner Nicola MaxwellGumbleton, who is a renowned portraitist.

Woman’s Work, 1 St Andrews Studio, 1 St Andrews Place, Lewes. 4-6 December

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THROUGH DECEMBER Fairytale Christmas Meet Father Christmas and enjoy a fairytale tour of the palace. Children are encouraged to come dressed as their favourite fairytale character. Fairytale tour is included in the admission fee, Father Christmas is an additional £6.50 per child Royal Pavilion , Brighton, www.brighton-hoverpml.org.uk. 5 & 6, 12 & 13, 20, 22 & 23 Dec 10.30am–4.30pm

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Eine & Zeus Prolific street artists and innovators in typography, Eine and Zeus have come together for Crimes And Punishment, combining illustrations with Eine’s original fonts and drawings of Eine’s hands by Zeus. Eine began his ‘career’ as a grafitti artist, working illegally, while Zeus, influenced by hip hop culture, has honed his style over 20 years. Eine has just done the shutters for Luigi on Gardner Street and the Guitar, Amp and Keyboard shop on North Rd. Eine & Zeus: Crimes And Punishments, Ink_d Gallery, 96 North Road, Brighton, 0123 645299. Until 24 December

BRASSERIE FISH & GRILL 3A The Waterfront, Brighton Marina Village, Brighton BN2 5WA 01273 698989

Lunch time Special • Pasta & main course dishes for £4.90 • A large selection of Tapas from only £2.60 each Dine for

£10

2 courses & a glass of wine OR

25% off total food bill from A La Carte Menu Terms and conditions: Excludes Saturdays and Bank Holidays. 1 voucher for up to 6 people. BRING THIS VOUCHER. Please book in advance.

Sunday Special Paella • Large paella for £9.90 each (min 2 ppl) 36 Church Road, Hove BN3 2FN, Hove

01273 770355

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COMEDY | FILM 31

Comedypreview > Tuesday 1 December to Monday 7 December >

COMEDY CLUB 4 KIDS

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hy do grown ups get the best entertainment?

Maybe it’s because it’s provided by grown ups and they kinda know what makes them laugh. Maybe it’s because children can be the toughest audience with none of the niceties of polite laughter or feigned knowledge to help the gag along. Or maybe it’s because they grow up so fast that, if you don’t actually know one of a specific age, you can have no idea of the massive gap between now and two years ago in their world knowledge. But that shouldn’t stop us. And it doesn’t stop Tiernan Douieb.

Tiernan runs this afternoon comedy show for the toughest critics – kids aged six and over.

He recruits some of the biggest names on the main circuit to specially tailor their sets for the little cherubs.

Without talking patronising or alienating anyone (parents included), this is a gem of a show.

This one features Brighton’s very own award-winning joke writer and if.comedy nominee Zoe Lyons. Joining Zoe will be So You Think You’re Funny 2008 competition finalist and regular comedy circuit face, Josh Widdicombe.

And of course there’ll be Tiernan himself. All in all, a treat of an afternoon for any family frazzled by the weekend Christmas shopping rush.

Komedia, Saturday 5 December, 2pm, £8/6.

Comedy listings WEDNESDAY 2 New Act Night This unique and popular show is the starting point for graduates of the highly acclaimed Jill Edwards Stand-Up Comedy Workshops at Komedia. Talented new comics take to the stage, as former workshop graduates including Jimmy Carr, Shazia Mirza and Simon Evans did before them.

Komedia, 8pm,£7/5

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THURSDAY 3 Tag Comedy Revolutionising the concept of stand-up comedy, Tag Comedy is the brightest, most inventive, fast-paced new format where anything can happen – and normally does!

Featuring four top UK comedians, all headliners from the Krater Comedy Club.

Komedia, 8pm,£8.50/6.50 Walks Into A Bar Local comics mixing new acts and new material in this popular Hanover curry pub. Friendly and great fun.

London Unity, 8.30pm, free

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FRIDAY 4 Krater Comedy Club Award-winning comedy every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Eat, drink, watch and laugh as three top stand-ups and one of the best MCs on the comedy circuit entertain you. Featuring Keith Farnan, Barry Castagnola and more. MC Stephen Grant.

Komedia, 7.30pm, £12.50/10 Santa’s Secret Lemonade Drinkers Convention Top comedy from We Are Klang’s Steve Hall, sketch group Melons A Trois, respected comic Neil Cole, and the wonderfully drole Matt Welcome.

The Barn Theatre, Southwick, 7.45pm, £12/10

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WitTank Come join Wit Tank for an hour of rip-roaring comedy sketches. Bringing you boundless energy, infectious fun and above all great jokes.

Upstairs At The Three And Ten, 8pm, £7.5

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SATURDAY 5 Comedy Club 4 Kids A proper comedy club and a top-quality show for kids and anyone who likes their comedy without the naughty bits! Hosted

by Tiernan Douieb, December’s show features Zoe Lyons and Josh Widdicombe. Ages 6+.

Komedia, 2pm, £8/6.

Laughing Horse Comedy Stand-up comedy from deadpan northern comedian Damian Larkin, plus visiting posh-Glaswegian comedian Neil McFarlane, Lewis Bryan and Daniel Smith. With compere Sajeela Kershi.

Quadrant, 8pm, £6/5 Krater Comedy Club See Friday’s details.

Komedia, 7pm & 10.30pm, £16.50.

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SUNDAY 6 Bent Double A special festive night of alternative comedy hosted by Cathy P, featuring Mike Wozniak, Susan Calman and Jo Caulfield.

Komedia, 8pm, £12.

Comedy Cooler Hove comedy from Dan Allen.

Roz Ryan, Kevin Hampson, Paul Beckett, Shannon Hommel, Lee Hume, Laura Mugridge and Aidan Goatley. Hosted by Dave Streeter.

The Alibi, 8.30pm, free.

The Hanover Comedy Club aka Neil's House Party Free comedy in the heart of Hanover to keep you laughing ‘til the end of the weekend.

The Hanover, 8pm, free Krater Comedy Club See Friday.

Komedia, 8pm, £10/6.

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Supported by

FILMS SHOWING THIS WEEK 01273 626261

0871 224 4007

0871 200 2000 www.cineworld.co.uk

www.picturehouses.co.uk

www.odeon.co.uk

01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

TUESDAY 1

TUESDAY 1

TUESDAY 1

TUESDAY 1

2010 (12A) 12.30, 1.30, 4.00, 5.00, 7.30, 8.30 An Education (12A) 11.45am A Christmas Carol 3D (PG) 1.00, 3.15, 5.20 Harry Brown (18) 7.15 Law Abiding Citizen (18) 12.15, 3.00, 5.30, 8.15 Messrine: Killer Instinct (15) 9.30 Paranormal Activity (15) 12.00, 2.15, 4.30, 7.00, 9.15 Twilight Saga: New Moon (12A) 11.45, 1.45, 2.45, 3.45, 4.45, 5.45, 7.45, 8.45, 9.35

(500) Days Of Summer (12A) 11.00 (Silver Screen) A Serious Man (15) 11.30, 4.00 (Silver Screen), 9.00 Ivul (no certificate) 6.30 (Cinecity)

2010 (12A) 1.00, 4.20, 7.50 A Christmas Carol 3D (PG) 1.50, 4.10, 6.30, 9.00 Harry Brown (18) 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 Law Abiding Citizen (18) 1.20, 3.50, 6.20, 8.50 Nativity (TBC) 12.50, 3.20, 5.50, 8.20 Paranormal Activity (15) 12.10, 2.20, 4.40, 6.50, 9.10 The Twilight Saga : New Moon (12A) 1.30, 2.30, 4.30, 5.30, 7.30, 8.30

2010 (12A) 4.30 An Education (12A) 8.00

WEDNESDAY 2 2010 (12A) 12.30, 1.30, 4.00, 5.00, 7.30, 8.30 An Education (12A) 11.45am A Christmas Carol 3D (PG) 1.00, 3.15, 5.20 The Descent: Part 2 (18) 9.30 Harry Brown (18) 7.15 Law Abiding Citizen (18) 12.15, 3.00, 5.30, 8.15 Paranormal Activity (15) 12.00, 2.15, 4.30, 7.00, 9.15 Twilight Saga: New Moon (12A) 11.45, 1.45, 2.45, 3.45, 4.45, 5.45, 7.45, 8.45, 9.35

THURSDAY 3 2010 (12A) 12.30, 1.30, 4.00, 5.00, 7.30, 8.30 An Education (12A) 11.45am A Christmas Carol 3D (PG) 1.00, 3.15, 5.20 The Descent: Part 2 (18) 9.30 Harry Brown (18) 7.15 Law Abiding Citizen (18) 12.15, 3.00, 5.30, 8.15 Paranormal Activity (15) 12.00, 2.15, 4.30, 7.00, 9.15 The Time Traveller’s Wife (12A) 10.30am Twilight Saga: New Moon (12A) 11.45, 1.45, 2.45, 3.45, 4.45, 5.45, 7.45, 8.45, 9.35

WEDNESDAY 2 (500) Days Of Summer (12A) 11.00 (Big Scream) A Serious Man (15) 1.30, 4.00, 9.00 Bronco Bullfrog (no certificate) 6.30 (Cinecity) Blue Beard (no certificate) 8.00 (Cinecity), showing at Sallis Benney Theatre

THURSDAY 3 A Serious Man (15) 1.30, 4.00, 9.00 Boogie Woogie (CFF-18) 6.30 (Cinecity) Backstory (no certificate) 8.00 (Cinecity), showing at Sallis Benney Theatre

FRIDAY 4 Bunny And The Bull (15) 4.00, 9.00 In The Night Garden: Upsy Daisy Dances With Pinky Ponky (U) 11.00am Oil City Confidential (15) 6.30 (Cinecity)

SATURDAY 5 A Moment In June (12A) 1.30 ( Cinecity) Bunny And The Bull (15) 4.00, 9.00 Charlie And The Chocolate Factory (PG) 11.00 (Kids’ Club) Straight 8 (no certificate) 8.00 (Cinecity), showing at Sallis Benney Theatre Samson And Delilah (no certificate) 6.30 (Cinecity) The Room (18) 11.00pm (Late Show)

WEDNESDAY 2 2010 (12A) 1.00, 4.20, 7.50 A Christmas Carol 3D (PG) 1.50, 4.10, 6.30, 9.00 Harry Brown (18) 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 Law Abiding Citizen (18) 1.20, 3.50, 6.20, 8.50 Nativity (TBC) 12.50, 3.20, 5.50, 8.20 Paranormal Activity (15) 12.10, 2.20, 4.40, 6.50, 9.10 The Twilight Saga: New Moon (12A) 1.30, 2.30, 4.30, 5.30, 7.30, 8.30

THURSDAY 3 2010 (12A) 1.00, 4.20, 7.50 A Christmas Carol 3D (PG) 1.50, 4.10, 6.30, 9.00 Harry Brown (18) 1.10, 3.40, 6.10, 8.40 Law Abiding Citizen (18) 1.20, 3.50, 6.20, 8.50 Nativity (TBC) 12.50, 3.20, 5.50, 8.20 Paranormal Activity (15) 12.10, 2.20, 4.40, 6.50, 9.10 The Twilight Saga: New Moon (12A) 1.30, 2.30, 4.30, 5.30, 7.30, 8.30

A Prophet (18) 6.30 (Cinecity) Bunny And The Bull (15) 4.00, 9.30 How To Be Loved (15) 11.00am (Cinecity)

MONDAY 7 Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times

Bunny And The Bull (15) 4.00, 9.30 In The Night Garden: Everybody All Aboard the Ninky Nonk (U) 11.00am

2010 (12A) 7.30 An Education (12A) 5.00

THURSDAY 3 2010 (12A) 7.30 An Education (12A) 5.00

FRIDAY 4 Bright Star (PG) 4.45 The Men Who Stare At Goats (15) 7.30

SATURDAY 5 Bright Star (PG) 4.45 The Men Who Stare At Goats (15) 7.30 The Polar Express (U) 10.15am

SUNDAY 6 Bright Star (PG) 7.30 The Men Who Stare At Goats (15) 4.45

MONDAY 7 The Men Who Stare At Goats (15) 4.45 White Christmas (U) 2.00

Twighlight Saga – New Moon

SUNDAY 6

Films showing Friday 4–Monday 7

WEDNESDAY 2

Films showing Friday 4–Monday 7 Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times

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033_LS452_Wildfruit

11/27/09

12:28 PM

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WILD FRUIT 33

RED HOT PARTY Go scarlet for Wild Fruit’s most original fundraising club event The Red Party 2009

B

righton is gearing up to paint the town red on Sunday 6 December as the huge annual fundraising bash, The Red Party, gets even bigger and more fabulous for 2009.

The Red Party is one of the city’s most eagerly awaited events and each year marks World Aids Day with an over the top glittering party that sees celebrities beating down the door to take part in the flamboyant celebrations. This is the ultimate fundraising event from Wild Fruit creating HIV/Aids awareness and challenging homophobia.

Brighton’s huge, multi-roomed Oceana nightclub is the venue that’ll be packed with reddressed party goers. All monies raised will go to the Sussex Community Rainbow Alliance Fund, raising funds for LGBT and HIV organisations.

Joining the amazing line-up of celebs and scene faces at The Red Party this year will be one of the UK’s most successful and respected vocalists, the fantastic Beverley Knight (MBE), who’ll be performing live on stage. “It’s a great event to be part of,” says Beverley. “I’m so excited!”

The ultimate ‘Queen’ of British pop royalty, Boy George, will also be taking part and DJ’ing, as will EastEnders Patsy Palmer and DJ legends and chart toppers The Freemasons. They will be joined

by Hollyoaks star Leon Lopez, X-Factor finalist Rowetta, club legends Tasty Tim and Dusty O, and a whole host of DJ stars and entertainers making this one of the most exuberant fundraising events ever.

The vast Oceana venue caters for all tastes on the night, having no less than seven fabulously themed party rooms plus multiple chilled-out bars and seating areas for those who love to pose and chat. Rooms include the Red Room (main

dance room); the Drama Drag Boudoir; Bears Log Cabin; The New York Disco Room; The Monte Carlo bar (with a VIP reception hosted by GScene magazine and Curiosity Cabaret from 8.30pm); the Deep bar and Tahiti Beach bar to name but a few, making this a true all-inclusive party.

Extra red glamour for this essential fundraising date will be provided by some of the city’s favourite and most notoriously over the top hostesses including Dolly Rocket, Chrissy Darling, Yvette, Joan Bond, Fordy Freaktastic, Miss Joyride and Billie Lewis.

Dressing up in all your red finery is a must for this unique event. Crowds are expected to stop traffic in their red-hot outfits that have proved to be so popular at past Red Party events. Taking part needn’t hit you in the wallet either as admission prices will be kept to a minimum and selected drinks are just £1.50 before 10pm and only £2 after.

With Will Young performing at the Brighton Centre earlier that same evening, Sunday 6 December is set to be a big, big party night in the city!

The Red Party 2009 raises essential funds from admission fees towards the Sussex Community Rainbow Alliance Fund, and all artists have given their time free of charge or for expenses to support this event!

The Red Party 2009, Oceana, West Street, Brighton, Sunday 6 December. Join the Red party early (8.30pm–10.00pm) and entry is only £7. £6 NUS before 11.00pm/£8 NUS after. Q jump advance tickets £10, available from Prowler, Charles and Dr Brightons or £12 on the door. www.aeonevents.co.uk

Pic: Chris Jepson

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GAY LISTINGS

Gaylistings > Tuesday 1 to Monday 7 December > FRIDAY 4

>highlight WILD FRUIT – RED PARTY Hold onto your diamondencrusted hats: it’s time for the year’s ultimate Wild Fruit Party, raising money for LGBT and HIV organisations. The event will be packed with top DJs, outrageous drag diva hostesses and performance artists, all drizzled in defiant red. Set in Brighton’s £7m super-club Oceana, it’ll be a place for every face, from the sexy, dak and masculine Bear Log Cabin to the Studio 54 New York Disco Room. With special guests including Beverley Knighs, The Freemasons and Boy George lined up to take to the stage, it’s time to bring out your inner diva and get fruity!

The dresscode? Something red, darling...

Read our special Wild Fruit feature on p 32.

Sunday 6 December, Revenge

CHARLES STREET BAR Candyfloss. Bubblegum tunes and sweet camp pop.

11am, free CHARLES STREET CLUB Curiosity Lite.

Trashy disco pop. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 DOCTOR BRIGHTONS Flauncy Friday. Filthy funky dance and house.

9.30pm–2am, free LEGENDS Pre-Celebration. Pure pop.

7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Q & A. Playing Indie, electro, soul, punk, and classics.

5pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Office Party + Camp Attack + Karaoke. Handbag, commercial and camp tunes.

5pm, free R-BAR Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free THE BASEMENT Celebration with Dolly Rocket.

Double the DJ power with Peter Castle playing girly pop & handbag tracks all night long.

11pm–4am, free THE Zone Gilly B. 9.30pm, free

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SATURDAY 5 AMSTERDAM A-List. Boutique clubbing with DJ Hollie spinning some fabulous soulful house sessions. 9pm–1am, free CHARLES STREET CLUB Mardi Gras.

HRH Queen Josephine and Lil Alex.

11pm–3am, £5/3.

LEGENDS Pre-Ignition. Ignition DJ sounds from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day.

7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR AND THEATRE Girls Rock On. Spinning their own selection of music by the Women we love! 8pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Tammy Twinkle + Karaoke. Bar open 12pm, free R-BAR Kinky Classics. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous.

Bar open 12pm–7am, free REVENGE Kinky Dangerous. Two top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics.

10.30pm–5am, £7/3 THE BASEMENT Ignition. The funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle.

11pm–4am, free THE PV AT THE JURY’S OUT Viva La Divas + Booty Call. Live music from Chelle then retro vinyls 8.30pm, free from The Charity Shop Girls.

THE ZONE Presents...Sally Vate. 9.30pm, free

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TUESDAY 1 AMSTERDAM Karaoke with Ms Desdimona.

9pm, free CHARLES STREET BAR Two’s Company.

Double dose of cabaret with Maisie Trollette and Miss Jason. 9pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR AND THEATRE Bring The Noise. Dare to share your own MP3 playerlists and chill out with your own music. 8pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke.

12pm–3am, free R BAR Twisted Karaoke. With mistress Cat 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Sound As A Pound. Deck Heroine LadyBex throws out ’80s, ’90s, ’00s, electro, pop, dance and cheese. Plus a hefty raffle prize!

10.30pm, £1 THE BASEMENT Scene Queen. DJ Li’l Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome!

11pm–4am, free

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AMSTERDAM The Piano Bar. 8pm, free LEGENDS Gabbi’s Fun and Frolicks.

Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm.

11am–5am, free MARLBOROUGH Student Night. Can’t cook?

Won’t cook? Never fear, drink and pizza promos for NUS all night! 6pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS World Aids Day Cabaret Extravaganza 8pm, £2 R-BAR The Midweek Shuffle. Cheesy pop, chart, ’90s dance and club. 12pm–2am THE BASEMENT Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag.

Filthy handbag and house tunes.

11pm–4am, free

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THURSDAY 3 CHARLES STREET BAR Mad Cow XL – My Cow Is On Fire. Funky house across two floors.

Plus cheap as Primark Pants drinks deals!

8pm–3am, £1 (goes to charity) DOCTOR BRIGHTONS DJ Competition. Let the deck-duelling commence as undiscovered DJ talent battle for your votes! 1pm, free LEGENDS Absolut Karaoke with Tammy Twinkle.

9.30pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS See Tues. 12pm–3am, free R-BAR Pre-Girls on Top Party. Richard Jones sets the mood from 9.30pm.

Bar open 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Girls On Top. Deck Heroine LadyBex and DJ Smiffy doll out trashy chart hits and pop remixes. 10.30pm–4am, free b4 11.30 with passes, £5/4 after THE BASEMENT DLite. Regular guest DJs lay down commercial house tracks. 11pm–4am, free

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SUNDAY 6 AMSTERDAM Sunday Lunch + Connie’s Karaoke.

12pm–1am, free HONEY CLUB Rebel birthday. Love sexy, dirty til dawn with the very best electro funky house.

3am, £discount with wristbands LEGENDS 16th Birthday. Celebrating a sweet 16th with a gift wrapped afternoon of fabulous cabaret 3.30pm–10pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Big Gay Quiz.

7pm, £1 entry OCEANA Wild Fruit – Red Party ‘09. See highlight. 8.30pm–3am, £10/8 QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Davina Sparkle + Betty’s Karaoke. 12pm, free R-BAR Sublime Sundays and Barmy Bingo.

12pm–2am, free THE BASEMENT Fever. Disco and pop remixes.

11pm–4am, free

> >

>

>

> >

> >

MONDAY 7 CHARLES STREET CLUB Studio 150.

DJs Luke and Ali spin all the best party tracks spanning the last four decades.

10pm–2am, £1.50 LEGENDS DWNN Monday Gangbang.

A night filled with song, sketches and chat.

11am–5am, free R-BAR A Dave Lynn Spectacular. 10pm, free QUEENS ARMS Deal or No Deal Drinks + Karaoke.

8pm–1am, free

> > >

>

035_LS452_reviews

11/27/09

12:22 PM

Page 1

REVIEWS

35

L7 Under review Read more reviews of local shows online at www.thelatest.co.uk GARY NUMAN Following his retro touring of classic albums Replicas and Telekon, electro pop maverick turned industrial rocker Gary Numan performed the record that gave the world ‘Cars’, The Pleasure Principle. A workman-like stab at a strong album with some standout moments (notably original LP alumnus Chris Payne on electric violin), unfortunately this didn’t translate well live: instrumental synth tracks and light-footed pop songs sounded static; leaden even.

A clutch of modern-period heavyweights and beefed up versions of oldies, including ‘Pure’ and the brilliant ‘Are Friends Electric?’, nearly saved the day; hardcore Numanoids may not have cared, though the earlier malaise proved impossible to shake off.

Dome Concert Hall, 17 November ✪✪✪✪✪ Nick Aldwinckle

show. Adieu!

Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome, 19 November ✪✪✪✪✪ Monica Perdoni

DR ROBERT Returning to Brighton minus the recently reformed Blow Monkeys, Dr Robert proved what an excellent solo performer and songwriter he is.

Promoting a new compilation covering his 18-year solo career, Robert overcame a noisy audience with a selection of beautifully crafted and exquisitely executed

LESS IS MOYET ALISON MOYET Concert Hall, Brighton Dome 21 November ✪✪✪✪✪

THE PILOTS: RECKLESS SLEEPERS What do two middle-aged men dressed as pilots sipping pink cocktails have in common? Not much, seemingly, but scratch deeper and recurring themes of displacement and puzzlement battled with the here and the now; were we in a theatre or were we in New York?

Spasmodic audience interaction was at times funny, occasionally disturbing. The rollercoaster ride through reality and dreams, past and present, came to a euphoric climax in the desire to live in the eternal summertime of one’s youth – beautifully glorified through Wham’s ‘80s dance floor classic, ‘Club Tropicana’. Pink cocktails and pilots suddenly made perfect sense.

The Basement, 20 November ✪✪✪✪✪ Karen Dugdale

ORPHEUS IN THE UNDERWORLD Hooded dancers and Eurydice texting Orpheus about her departure into the Underworld gave Offenbach’s 19th century musical satire a cute and contemporary twist. Add top-notch vocals, brilliant acting and tight production, and the result was a very funny and engaging enactment of the political and cultural operetta. Accomplished musical theatre group Wandering Minstrels, enacted the tale of the couple’s love-hate marriage and time in Hades with delicious ease, through opera, the can-can, wicked puns and superman-style tights. We also bid regretful farewell to the talented locally based minstrels as they take their final bow with this

soulful, jazzy songs. Coming of Grace could have been a lost Squeeze masterpiece and the Blow Monkeys classics really suit stripped down arrangements. A very bluesy ‘Realms of Gold’ showed off some fancy fretwork and the folky ‘Travelling Song’ from last year’s reunion album finally caused the chatting to stop. A singalong ‘It Doesn’t Have To Be This Way’ and a very spiritual ‘Heaven Is A Place’ rounded off a masterclass by a criminally underrated artist.

The Freebutt, 22 November ✪✪✪✪✪ Steve Clements

VIC REEVES Jim Moir, aka Vic Reeves, is an actor, comedian, artist and writer – and he pretty much engaged all of these talents at the Hove launch of his latest book, Vast Book Of World Knowledge. Employing a reduced slide show of the book to illustrate its content – a lovely mixture of the surreal and the comedically abstract walking through the alphabet in chapters – Jim read out captions and explained his thought process. Touchingly this seemed to involve his family and kitchen table to a rather large extent. With questions from the floor slow to come initially, he was forced into playing the showman in presenting his latest offering, but the snippets of art study background revealed earlier put a new spin on his work. Briefly insightful and broadly entertaining.

The Old Market, 24 November ✪✪✪✪✪ Victoria Nangle

Do you disagree with our verdict on one of these shows? comment@thelatest.co.uk

A

lison Moyet slipped onto the stage dressed in slinky black, slimmer in body but her usual larger than life self. Launching into her first number, she immediately had the audience on her side.

The set was a celebration of 25 years in the business and she delivered a menu of hits and favourites that could not fail to thrill her devoted sell-out audience. Between numbers her banter had the air of being unrehearsed, slightly bumbling and giggly – and it worked.

Moyet likes to find new ways to cover the Yazoo electronic hits, delivering pleasing reworkings that are still recognisable as the songs we all love. She also gave a polished and moving rendition of Jacques Brel’s ‘Ne Me Quitte Pas’ that proved she really is a voice to reckon with, as strong as ever, her range is massive, her tone soft and sweet one minute, a hefty growl the next.

Funnily enough she announced a song that she said she dislikes, ‘Weak In The Presence Of Beauty’, but acknowledged that her audience loved it. It was a funny moment but, once past the intro, it was as convincing as anything else

in the set. She also stopped a number once saying that she had messed it up, but I have seen her do that on two occasions before so I am unsure whether it is merely a ruse to win our hearts – probably not as we are all on her side anyway.

So what is she, pop singer, disco diva, chanteuse? Torch, swing or jazz singer? The truth is she can do anything she likes and pull it off. She also likes to give us a show – no technical wizardry but good lighting and simple staging that left her as the focus of the evening.

If one had to search for faults I would only pick on a few sloppy lighting cues in the first half and the fact that we would all happily have stayed and listened all night long – hardly her fault. She also made a deal out of not singing ‘Invisible’, so much so that it made us want to hear it all the more.

Moyet is looking and sounding great; the slimmer figure suits her, although I can’t help thinking that we have lost one of our great ‘larger’ role models. That aside, this was a great set. I left after two encores with a big smile on my face.

Andrew Kay

>Latest 7 is expanding its live reviews team… ...and we are on the look out for volunteers. Do you have a way with words, a free evening or two and a passion for theatre, music, comedy or dance?

Send two 100 word samples of your reviewing style to bella@thelatest.co.uk

036_LS452_Sports/TV_Column

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11/26/09

4:00 PM

Page 2

SPORT | TV

L7 Sport

L7 TV

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE

1–7 DECEMBER

Telly Talk

Beyond The Boundary Andy Winter rounds up the all-rounders

With Victoria Nangle

I

Big top, flat bottom

t is said that a true allrounder in cricket is someone who has a batting average of over 30 runs for each completed innings and a bowling average of less than 30 runs conceded for each wicket taken.

For many years England has tried to find the natural successor to Ian Botham as its world-class all-rounder.

What many people fail to remember is that Botham was, on occasions, dropped from the England side due to a lack of form.

However, his record is that of a true all-rounder. He finished his career having played 102 Test matches, scored 5,200 runs at an average of 33.54, and took 383 wickets at an average of 28.40.

Andrew Flintoff is widely regarded as Botham's successor, although injury restricted him to 79 Test matches. And he did not achieve the benchmark of a true all-rounder, having scored 3,845 at an average of 31.77 and taken 226 wickets at 32.78.

“Sussex’s Luke Wright has been mentioned as a possible successor to Flintoff... but he has a long way to go” Compare this to some of the world's leading all-rounders such as South African Shaun Pollock, who averaged 32.31 with the bat and took a massive 421 wickets at a miserly rate of 23.11. Fellow South African Jacques Kallis is still playing. To date he has weighed in with 10,277 runs at an average of 54.66 and has taken 258 wickets at 31.08.

Sussex’s Luke Wright has been mentioned as a possible successor to Flintoff. He clearly has enormous talent and enthusiasm, but he has a long way to go before he can truly be regarded as either a Test batsmen or bowler, let alone an all-rounder. For one thing, he is yet to make his Test debut! He should achieve that landmark in the next couple of months on the England tour of South Africa.

But England does have a natural all-rounder in the Sussex wicketkeeper, Matt Prior. In recent times England has sought a successor to Alec Stewart, a Test-quality wicket-keeper who could score runs as a front-line batsman. Stewart has the 10th best batting average, at 34.92, for a wicket-keeper. (It is even higher, 39.54, when taking into account his runs when he wasn't keeping).

Top of the wicket-keeper batting averages, with an average of 53.70, is Andy Flower, the former Zimbabwean captain and now in charge of the England team. The extraordinary Adam Gilchrist of Australia is second with an average of 47.60, and third is Brighton's own Matt Prior on 44.20. Any one of them would grace an international side as a specialist batsman alone.

In a year or two, Sussex County Cricket Club could boast of having provided England with two all-rounders, and in Rory Hamilton-Brown there is at least one other outstanding Sussex all-rounder waiting in the wings!

Big Top, BBC1 Wednesday

O

h what fun! A sitcom set in a circus starring comedy muchloveds such as John Thompson, Tony Robinson and Ruth Madoc, whose madcap adventures revolve around level-headed ringmistress Amanda Holden. Eh? No, seriously – eh?!

The mere premise sounds like a random dream from a BBC comedy programmer who’s eaten too much cheese. There is too much cheese here, but that’s not the issue. How did such comic luminaries end up playing second fiddle to an actress best known for her cuckolding abilities and Botox?

The show itself has neat little stereotypes for each of its players to occupy. John Thompson is the gruff older clown – I believe this role was taken by the Punch and Judy man in earlier variety sitcom Hi-DeHi. Hardly original, especially when his challenge to the health and safety man is to threaten to put ferrets down his own trousers.

Compo did it better, and before.

Tony Robinson is the techie, ‘hilariously’ replacing the usual clown music with one of Hitler’s speeches to sabotage the show with his misanthropy. He’s such a panto baddie I could almost hear the boos every time he turned up.

Ruth Madoc has a bit of fun reprising her He-Di-Hi Welsh accent

as a bit of a schemer with a performing dog. And Amanda Holden just seems to be the ‘normal’ one. Except she’s constantly parading around in hotpants and the longest eyelashes on television not belonging to a singing diva. I don’t do that. Not to do the accounts in. Could this be some kind of deal she’s got in exchange for any TV employment?

There are, of course, other characters. There’s the lovesick Russian acrobat who keeps threatening to throw himself off the high wire over a broken heart. And there’s the lady clown, played by Sophie Thompson. Although a bit dappy, she’s actually a likeable and believable character. Well done that Thompson! Maybe she should have her own spin-off.

She’s certainly better than the ringmistress who loves her circus but has to babysit its inhabitants.

Surely there’s got to be some ring of truth somewhere in order to make us laugh? Even Red Dwarf had the slob we all knew to make it believable, and that was set in space!

The idea of a circus sitcom had such promise, but someone up top seems to have punched all of the fun out of it. Maybe it’ll get better.

Or maybe Middle England will embrace it regardless. I just won’t be joining them.

037_LS452_TV_Tues

11/26/09

3:58 PM

Page 1

tuesday 1 Delia’s Classic Christmas BBC2, 9pm You want to wake up in your own bed this Christmas but you’re not sure if you can cook the whole Christmas kit and caboodle. Fear not. Delia is here on her white charger to help. Focusing in the indulgence rather than quaking knees in anticipation, make your family’s mouths water with turkey and trimmings and mince pies.

Paradox BBC1, 9pm There’s always been this difficulty with prophecy. No matter how you read it, you still might end up with the wrong end of a muchsprouting stick. When another lot of images arrives, Rebecca’s determined not to lose a little boy’s life to the fates. Then it turns out DS Holt is also on track to snuff it at zero hour. Frantic!

We Need Answers BBC4, 10pm Yay! Tim Key, Mark Watson and Alex Horne got recommissioned with this delightful quiz format that put minor celebrities through their paces. Tonight’s guests are Radio 4 Woman’s Hour host Jenni Murray and former Rugby League international player Martin Offiah, answering questions set by the public. Fun and mayhem abound.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Show Me Show Me 3.30 Tronji 3.55 The Secret Show 4.10 Pedro And Frankensheep 4.20 Shaun The Sheep 4.25 Shaun The Sheep 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.00am Chidlren’s television 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Clifford The Big Red Dog 10.20 Yoko!

Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 BBC Primary Arabic 11.20 Look And Read 11.40 Look And Read 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 All Saints 1.45 Open House 2.15 Animal Park: Wild In Africa 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.10am Planet Cook 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Friends 10.00 Friends 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Ugly Betty 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Celebrity Life Skills 12.40 Wife Swap USA 1.35 FILM: Carry On Doctor (1968) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Whitney puts pen to paper in a desperate bid to contact Tony. Not such a good idea.

8.00 Holby City Medical drama.

When Joseph makes a serious patient error, Elliot instinctively blames Thandie. But when he finds out the truth, his confidence in Joseph’s professionalism unravels.

9.00 Paradox See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Imagine... Arts and culture series. There is a new breed of art collector on the block. No longer do you need to be fabulously wealthy to afford a Blake, a Banksy or a Hockney. A factory worker, a pig farmer and a policeman are just some of those whose lives have been changed by an Arts Council scheme called Own Art. Want.

11.25 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross Scary biscuits with Cameron Diaz in The Box, and terror awaits the cast of The Descent Part 2.

11.55 The Graham Norton Show The award-winning host continues his anarchic talk show.

12.40am Weatherview 12.45 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.15 Saving Britain’s Past 1.45 Natural World 2.35 Jimmy’s Food Factory 3.05 Caribbean Food Made Easy 3.35 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman presents all the backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing.

7.00 Ray Mears Northern Wilderness Until David Thompson found a route through the Rockies, the west coast was effectively cut off from the rest of Canada. Ray explores its bushcraft, nature and traditions as he completes his journey across Canada. Plenty of woolies.

8.00 A History Of Scotland Bitterly divided by politics and religion for centuries, this is the infamous story of how Scotland and England came together in 1707 to form Great Britain. Just don’t tell the Scots.

9.00 Delia’s Classic Christmas See highlights.

10.00 Grumpy Old Women A group of middle-aged women grumble about various aspects of modern life. This week they discuss finding a plumber, leaving ‘pretty please’ notes for the cleaner, and the nightmare of parcel deliveries. They’ve got a point. Where’s me knitting?

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Berlin This episode of the series looks at how the life and character of Berliners have been defined by a struggle for freedom.

12.20am BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Laurel ups her game in an attempt to eject Sally from her home – but will her plan succeed?

7.30 Grimefighters Series following Britain’s clean-up teams.

8.00 Coronation Street Will Rosie manage to split John and Fiz up for good? Ken is desperate to outdo George for Simon’s affections.

Competitive grandad-ing!

8.30 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! The beleaguered celebs discover just who the viewers have decided to send back home to a life of luxury. Will they be pleased with the result? Hosted by Ant and Dec. 10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Real Crime: Bombers On The Run Mark Austin presents, revealing the police investigation behind the attempted bombings in London on 21 July 2005. When the bombs failed to go off, police faced a race against time to capture the men before they could strike again.

11.35 In Plain Sight Drama. A world-class counterfeiter is driven to turn government’s witness after she is devastated by her girlfriend’s infidelity. Naughty girlfriend!

12.30am Guinness Premiership Rugby 1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks It’s day two of the murder trial and when Charlotte recognises the knife in court she goes back to Uni to confront Lydia.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Country House Rescue Ruth returns to Scotland where Black Clauchrie has been part of the wild Galloway landscape since 1901. Have Caroline and Adrian Goodall overcome their problems? Maybe.

9.00 The Queen Drama series exploring Britain’s social history through pivotal events in the reign of Queen Elizabeth II. This episode reveals the hidden conflict between Elizabeth and her first female Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher.

10.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word Two brilliant local Spanish restaurants go head-to-head, El Gato Negro from Yorkshire and Lola Rojo from London.

11.05 Cast Offs Darkly comic series about six disabled people who are sent to a remote British island for a fictional reality series. Will’s militant political beliefs run the risk of making everyone hungry. Right on Brothers!

12.10am Bullrun 2009 12.45 PokerStars.com European Poker Tour 1.45 Gillette World Sport 2.10 Volvo Ocean Race 3.00 The Dead Zone 3.45 King Of The Hill 4.10 Beauty And The Geek 4.55 St Elsewhere 5.45 Hoobs

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Milkshake! Music Box 9.00 Little Lodgers 9.05 Family!

9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Medical Investigation 12.35pm Five News 12.50 Floyd’s India 1.15 Cooking The Books 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.45 FILM: Horton Foote’s Alone (1997) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Hugo attempts to deal with the discovery of the bodies. Kirsty struggles with losing the baby.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh.

7.30 Monkey Life Series following the residents of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre.

8.00 Sea Patrol UK Documentary.

The bomb squad comes to the rescue when a trawler nets a deadly catch.

9.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama series based on the work of forensic investigators. When a family is attacked by someone using grenades, Horatio and his team are sent in to investigate. Umbrellas help?

10.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. Mac reopens the case of a man convicted of killing a cyclist when he becomes convinced he was not the driver of the vehicle. Could he be protecting someone? Elsewhere, the first CSI baby makes an appearance. Ahhh.

11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Grissom is pulled off a case in which a serial killer meticulously cleans up the crime scene and plants false evidence after strangling his female victims.

12.00am The FBI Files 12.55 SuperCasino 3.00 V8 Supercars 3.50 Senior Tour Golf 4.40 Boxing Classic 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home & Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Netbusters 9.30 SPL RoundUp 10.00 Football League: Championship 11.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 12.30pm SPL Round-Up 1.00 Football League: Championship 2.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.30 Netbusters 4.00 Football League: Championship 5.30 Football Asia 6.00 Hyundai A League 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 Football Asia 11.30 Hyundai A League 12.00am Carling Cup Football 1.30 Revista De La Liga 2.30 Carling Cup Football 3.55 LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Golf Special 9.00 Powder Adventures 9.30 Wild Spirits 10.00 Poker: Bounty Stars Of Poker 12.00pm Golf Special 1.00 Water Skiing 2.00 Archipelago Raid 2009 2.30 Poker: Bounty Stars Of Poker 4.30 Archipelago Raid 2009 5.00 Golf Special 6.00 Powder Adventures 6.30 European Seniors Tour Golf 7.30 LIVE: Carling Cup Football 10.15 Poker Million 11.45 Archipelago Raid 2009 12.15am European Seniors Tour Golf 1.15 Asian Tour Golf 2.15 Poker Million

Sky Sports 3 9.00am Showjumping: Spruce Meadows Presents 10.00 Water Skiing 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Archipelago Raid 2009 12.30 Wild Spirits 1.00 Showjumping: Spruce Meadows Presents 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 Golf Special 4.00 Showjumping: Spruce Meadows Presents 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 Archipelago Raid 2009 7.30 LIVE: Greyhound Racing 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 12.00am World Matchplay Bowls

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky One

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm Project Runway 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Sell Me The Answer 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 New Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Stargate Continuum 9.50 House 10.50 Lie To Me 11.50 Ross Kemp On Gangs 12.50am Road Wars (x2) 2.40 UK Border Force

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.50 Chipmunk And Tinchy Stryder At 1Xtra Live 8.00 Mad About The House 9.00 Young Hairdresser Of The Year 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Don’t Get Screwed 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Young Hairdresser Of The Year 12.45am Mad About The House 1.45 The Noughties ... Was That

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Talking Landscapes 8.00 Life 9.00 Simon Mann’s African Coup – Black Beach: Storyville 10.00 We Need Answers 10.30 Ghosts In The Machine 11.30 Whistle And I’ll Come To You 12.15am The Best Of The Johnny Cash Show 19691971 (x2)

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Gossip Girl 8.00 Grimefighters (x2) 9.00 Trinity 10.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 FILM: Forget Paris (1995) 1.10am Coronation Street 1.40 Emmerdale

1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 On The Buses 2.35 Rising Damp 3.05 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses 7.20 Rising Damp 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Lewis 11.05 Inspector Morse (x2) 3.00 Teleshopping

1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Ugly Betty 10.00 Supersize Vs Superskinny 11.00 Samantha Who? 11.30 Beehive 12.00am How I Met Your Mother

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Ruth Watson’s Hotel Rescue 10.00 True Stories: 21 Below 12.00am True Stories: Afghan Star

11.00am Contraband (1940) 12.50pm Seance On A Wet Afternoon (1964) 3.05 Please Sir! (1971) 5.05 On Golden Pond (1981) 7.15 The Perfect Score (2003) 9.00 Flags Of Our Fathers (2006) 11.35 9th Company (2005) 2.15am Courtesans Of Bombay (1983)

038_LS452_TV_Wed

11/26/09

4:01 PM

Page 1

wednesday 2 Spooks BBC1, 9pm The spy drama continues upping the thrill ante but, seriously, is Ros on a bit of a self-destructive path? After last week you’d think she’d be taking it easy but no, she’s slap bang in the line of fire to draw out the killer of a couple of CIA guys. Add to that Ros’s mentor’s questions about Harry’s past and it’s heart in throat time.

True Blood Channel 4, 10pm After Bill puffed up his chest and saved Miss “Sookie is mine!”

Sookie last week he’s got to pay the piper. You can’t go round smiting willy nilly without repercussions. So here they are.

Plus Jason and Eddie do a bit of captor/captive bonding over Amy’s behaviour. Bless, the boy’s got an undead friend. For a bit.

Film: Prick Up Your Ears Film4, 1.30am Following the recent touring stage version starring Matt Lucas, here is the original 1987 film of the Joe Orton biopic.

Gary Oldman is playwright Orton while Alfred Molina plays the troubled Kenneth Halliwell with whom he embarks on a destructive – and ultimately murderous – relationship.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Show Me Show Me 3.30 Tronji 3.55 The Secret Show 4.10 Pedro And Frankensheep 4.20 Shaun The Sheep 4.25 Shaun The Sheep 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Big Top Comedy series.

See TellyTalk.

8.00 Waterloo Road Contemporary drama series set in a fictional school in Rochdale. Christopher’s relationship with a Year 12 girl is called into question after he fails to properly maintain boundaries with his female pupils. Barbed Wires R Us on the blower. Now. That’ll sort yer boundaries.

9.00 Spooks See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws The midweek National Lottery draws, with presenter OJ Borg. Sounds like a Swedish flavoured cheese.

10.45 Sports Personality Of The Year: The Contenders In this Inside Sport special, Gabby Logan highlights the achievements of the ten contenders who will battle it out to become BBC Sports Personality of the Year for 2009.

11.25 League Cup Highlights Eight Premier League teams are left in the League Cup and all the ties promise real drama.

12.25am BlackJack 1.50 Weatherview 1.55 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow 2.55 Country Tracks 3.50 Wonderland: Can We Get Married? 4.30 BBC News

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Wait For It..! 8.30 Pingu 8.35 Pingu 8.45 Pinky Dinky Doo 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Clifford The Big Red Dog 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko!

Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.05 The Flintstones 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.10am Planet Cook 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Friends 10.00 Friends 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Ugly Betty 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Rescue Remedies 12.40 Wife Swap USA 1.35 FILM: Above Us The Waves (1956) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 8.30am Chidlren’s television 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Milkshake! Music Box 9.00 Little Lodgers 9.05 Family!

9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Medical Investigation 12.35pm Five News 12.50 Floyd’s India 1.15 Cooking The Books 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Zoo Days 3.00 FILM: Jake Lassiter: Justice On The Bayou (1995) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman presents all the backstage gossip.

7.00 This World: Stalin’s Return Reporter John Sweeney travels more than 5,000 miles through the old Soviet Union to find out if one of the 20th century’s most notorious massmurderers is being rehabilitated.

8.00 Top Gear Jeremy and Richard settle the thorny issue of which company has, above all others, made the greatest number of truly brilliant cars. And James has a novel solution for getting caravans to campsites without clogging up the roads.

9.00 Andrew Marr’s The Making Of Modern Britain The final film in Andrew Marr’s epic six-part series charting the events that shaped Britain. Marr concludes his series with a vivid account of Britain in the Second World War. 10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Anarchic, award-winning pop quiz.

Presiding over team captains Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding is The X Factor’s Dermot O’Leary.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Rich Man, Poor Man: Ben Dover Straightens Another chance to catch porn star Ben Dover’s forray into legitimate acting.

12.20am An Island Parish 12.50 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Sally gains the upper hand, leaving Laurel shaken and hurt. Maisie and Holly create havoc on a drunken night out.

Easiest thing to create when drunk...

8.00 Coronation Street Will John finally be vindicated? Will gullible Steve rise to Dev’s goading on the golf course? Would they really have gotten away with it without those pesky kids?

8.30 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! They have made it through days of deprivation, tension and bugs, but the end is in sight for the remaining celebrities. Today they face another viewer vote to decide who stays and who must leave the jungle.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Cops With Cameras Britain’s police record their daily battle on the front line of crime. Officers in Oldham find themselves surrounded by an angry crowd when they try to arrest a suspect. Grr, Argh. Flaming torches and a suspect in a white doctor’s coat accompanied by a tall unorthodoxlooking fellow.

11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.20 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.05 Chris Tarrant – Who Wants To Be A Teacher?

3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Zoe finally gets the chance to give evidence at her trial before the jury retire to consider their verdict. Charlotte is tormented

by Lydia’s revelation.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 The Family Eight-part observational series documenting family life, as a British Indian family opens its doors to viewers. With a wedding on the horizon and a baby on the way the family is feeling the pressure.

9.00 The Queen Drama series exploring Britain’s social history through pivotal events in the reign of Queen Elizabeth II. A look at how the Queen dealt with the disasterstrewn year of 1992, which saw Windsor Castle suffer severe fire damage and a catalogue of royal scandals exposed by the press.

10.00 True Blood See highlights.

11.15 Cast Offs Darkly comic series.

Gabby’s marriage to the rather hopeless Del is imminent, but the arrival of an unexpected guest jeopardises the wedding.

12.20am 4 Music: 360 Sessions 12.50 4Play: Richard Hawley 1.05 T4: Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star 2.00 This Week’s 4Music Top 20 3.50 Invasion 4.10 Beauty And The Geek 4.55 St Elsewhere 5.45 The Hoobs

6.00 Home And Away Miles worries about Kirsty’s state of mind. Annie considers going to Japan. Liam distracts Nicole from her studies.

Oo-er missus.

6.25 Live From Studio Five 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services in the Highlands of Scotland.

8.00 Britain’s Best Brain Quiz show with Zoe Ball and Jamie Theakston.

An RAF pilot, a prison officer, an accountant, a firefighter and an IT contractor battle it out for a place in the grand final. Feeling clever?

9.00 FILM: Half Past Dead (2002) Starring Steven Seagal, Ja Rule, Morris Chestnut, Nia Peeples and Claudia Christian. Action thriller in which a tough cop goes undercover in a newly opened Alcatraz prison.

When a warden takes control of the prison after learning that an inmate on death row has stashed away a fortune in gold, the cop finds himself having to drop his cover and persuade the other inmates to help him.

Talk about gift of the gab.

11.05 America’s Toughest Prisons Documentary series exploring the truth about some of America’s most notorious prisons.

12.05am 1.30 SuperCasino 3.00 Ironman Triathlon 3.55 Europa League Football 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 Football Asia 12.00pm Hyundai A League 12.30 Carling Cup Football 2.00 Revista De La Liga 3.00 Hyundai A League 3.30 Football Asia 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Total Rugby 7.00 Khan V Salita Countdown 7.30 Gillette Soccer Special 10.00 You’re On Sky Sports 11.30 Khan V Salita Countdown 12.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.30 Carling Cup Football 2.00 Khan V Salita Countdown 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Total Rugby 3.30 Khan V Salita Countdown 4.00 LIVE Test Cricket

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Carling Cup Football 10.30 Revista De La Liga 11.30 Poker Million 1.00pm European Seniors Tour Golf 2.00 Asian Tour Golf 3.00 Poker Million 4.30 Polo 5.30 Asian Tour Weekly 6.00 European Tour Weekly 7.00 LIVE Carling Cup Football 10.00 Khan V Salita Countdown 10.30 Total Rugby 11.00 European Tour Weekly 12.00am Asian Tour Weekly 12.30 Total Rugby 1.00 Poker Million

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 World Matchplay Bowls 10.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Powder Adventures 12.30 Wild Spirits 1.00 Sports Unlimited 2.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 3.00 World Matchplay Bowls 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Polo 8.00 Powerboat P1 Championship 9.00 Poker Million 11.00 Tenpin Bowling 12.00am Polo 1.00 Max Power 2.00 Summer Speed Motor Sport

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm Project Runway 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Sell Me The Answer 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 New Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Project Runway 9.00 A Child Frozen In Time 10.00 Half Cut Woman 11.00 Cold Case 12.00am Road Wars 1.00 Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Sugababes And Jay Sean At 1Xtra Live 8.00 Mad About The House 9.00 FILM: Pearl Harbor (2001) 11.50 Family Guy (x2) 12.30 Spooks 1.30 Don’t Get Screwed 2.00 Young Hairdresser Of The Year 3.00 Mad About The House 4.00 Don’t Get Screwed 4.30 Young Hairdresser Of The Year

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Versailles Stories 8.00 Russia: A Journey With Jonathan Dimbleby 9.00 The Man Behind The Masquerade 10.00 Flight Of The Conchords 10.30 We Need Answers 11.00 Wallander 12.25am Mark Lawson Talks To Imelda Staunton 1.25 We Need Answers

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Harry Hill’s TV Burp 7.30 New You’ve Been Framed! 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 Trinity 10.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 FILM: Total Recall (1990) 1.20am Coronation Street

1.05pm Heartbeat 2.05 On The Buses 2.35 Rising Damp 3.05 Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses 7.20 Rising Damp 7.55 Monarch Of The Glen Hogmanay Special 9.00 Lewis 11.05 Inspector Morse (x2) 2.50 Drama Trails

2.05pm Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Just Married (2003) 11.00 Misfits 12.00am How I Met Your Mother 12.30 Scrubs (x2) 1.30 Dark Angel (x2)

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Time Team 10.00 Catastrophe (x2) 12.10am Time Team 1.10 Catastrophe (x2)

11.00am Fair Wind To Java (1953) 12.45pm The Spy In Black (1939) 2.25 Conspiracy Of Hearts (1960) 4.35 Because Of Winn-Dixie (2005) 6.40 Sahara (2005) 9.00 Letters From Iwo Jima (2006) 11.40 Grave Of The Fireflies (1988) 1.30am Prick Up Your Ears (1987) See highlights.

039_LS452_TV_Thurs

11/26/09

3:57 PM

Page 1

thursday 3 River Monsters ITV1, 7.30pm Alright, so it doesn’t sound the most thrilling, but pay attention and it’s like a real life episode of The Simpsons, and bit scary for it. Biologist Jeremy Wade goes travelling to find huge creatures of the water, including a catfish grown to man-eating proportions due to an experiment gone wrong. Mr Burns!

QI BBC1, 9.30pm Tonight’s show is brought to you by the letter ‘G’, as host Stephen Fry will tell you if you tune in.

Filling our brains with trivia that is ‘quite interesting’ but fundamentally likely to be useless are Alan Davies, Sandi Toksvig, Bill Bailey, Sean Lock and John Hodgeman. Very funny indeed to see bright brains thus confused.

Misfits E4, 10pm This is turning out to be a cracking little concept – a group of ASBO kids get caught up in a mysterious storm and get special powers.

Cool. Curtis reckons it’d make sense to use his turning back time gift thingy to stop him getting caught by the police way back when. Not thought about the chain of events though. Oops.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Show Me Show Me 3.30 Tronji 3.55 ChuckleVision 4.10 Pedro And Frankensheep 4.20 Shaun The Sheep 4.25 Shaun The Sheep 4.35 The Sarah Jane Adventures 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 10.00am Children’s television 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Clifford The Big Red Dog 10.20 Yoko!

Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Emotional Literacy 11.10 Primary Geography: A Village In Bangladesh 11.20 Science Clips Investigates 11.30 Barnaby Bear 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 All Saints 1.45 Open House 2.15 Animal Park: Wild In Africa 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.10am Planet Cook 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Friends 10.00 Friends 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Ugly Betty 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Wife Swap 1.25 FILM: Rat Race (2001) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 11.30 Khan V Salita Countdown 12.00pm Carling Cup Football 1.30 Khan V Salita Countdown 2.00 Trans World Sport 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Khan V Salita Countdown 4.00 Test Cricket 6.00 The Rugby Club 7.00 Khan V Salita Countdown 7.30 Carling Cup Football 9.00 Khan V Salita Countdown 9.30 Barclays Premier League World 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 10.55 Khan V Salita Countdown 11.25 LIVE Test Cricket (x2)

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders An exhausted Masood is pushed to the limit with disastrous consequences. Whitney’s advice lands Tiffany in trouble when she takes matters in to her own hands with Bobby Beale.

8.00 Bang Goes The Theory – The Human Power Station This massive experiment attempts to power a house for an entire day solely through human pedal power – while the unsuspecting family inside go about their normal Sunday routine.

Will they drive the Human Power Station to meltdown? Muscular thighs by the end of it though.

9.00 Gavin And Stacey Sitcom.

Stacey is trying for a new job whilst ensuring that Gavin sticks to his recent promise. Dave is not a happy bunny when Nessa tells him she is taking Neil the baby to Essex to see his dad.

9.30 QI See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time 11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil and his resident helpers.

12.20am Skiing Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Life 1.55 Countryfile 2.50 Ray Mears 3.50 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Jeremy Vine hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman presents all the backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing.

7.00 The Culture Show Tonight’s Culture Show, presented by Mishal Husain, comes from the new medieval and Renaissance Galleries at London’s Victoria and Albert Museum.

8.00 The Restaurant In his search for new restaurant partners, Raymond Blanc puts love on the menu – a challenge guaranteed to put pressure on the couples and up the enjoyment for the viewer. Does everyone know what a singles night is? Everyone?

9.00 Natural World Documentary revealing the unique wildlife of the Scottish Highlands, seen through the eyes of filmmaker Fergus Beeley.

9.50 Wonderland: The Trouble With Mother Documentary about 80-year-old former concert pianist Pauline, who is in need of some help and care from her middle-aged son, Frederick. The film follows Frederick as he attempts to get his mother’s cluttered, five-bedroom South London house in order.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Culture Show Repeat of tonight’s 7pm show.

12.20am BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale A manipulative Sally convinces Ashley not to believe Laurel’s claims that she is a home wrecker. Of course she does.

7.30 River Monsters See highlights.

8.00 Coronation Street A grovelling Rosie tries to make it up to John.

Steve and Dev battle it out on the golf course. It’s like the Chuckle Brothers got kitted out by Pringle with those two.

8.30 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! They have survived the Bushtucker Trials, the jungle and each other, but who will make it through to the last day and the chance of being crowned King or Queen of the Jungle?

So close! Tomorrow tells all.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Martin Clunes: Islands Of Britain Martin Clunes continues his epic journey through hidden Britain.

Today he heads west for the islands off the coasts of England, Scotland and Northern Ireland. He attends the coronation of an island king and auditions for one of the world’s best bagpipe bands. New career move?

11.35 October Road American drama series about a writer who returns to his hometown after a lengthy absence.

12.30am Motorsport UK 1.15 The Cosby Mysteries 2.05 Loose Women 2.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Anita decides she wants to lose her virginity to Ricky.

Does he have a say in this?

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 River Cottage Hugh makes a tray of chocolate brownies in preparation for Christmas, while butchers Ray and Hugh extract cuts from a slaughtered deer. Hugh also continues his campaign to get wild rabbit back onto British menus.

Flopsy!!! Noooo!

9.00 The Queen Drama series exploring Britain’s social history through pivotal events in the reign of Queen Elizabeth II. The final film looks at how the Queen’s initial reluctance to allow Prince Charles to marry Camilla Parker-Bowles slowly gave way, culminating in her son’s wedding in 2005.

10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man Kate Hudson joins Alan, along with Sharon Osbourne, and Lily Allen performs.

10.50 Without A Trace Drama.

The FBI suspects foul play is involved in the disappearance of a lottery winner who came into millions.

11.45 FILM: The Page Turner (2006) Starring Deborah Francois. Revenge.

1.25am FILM: Black Widow (1986) 3.10 Dispatches: Lords, Billionaires And The Russian Connection 4.05 Unreported World 4.30 Switched 4.55 St Elsewhere 5.45 The Hoobs

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Milkshake! Music Box 9.00 Little Lodgers 9.05 Family! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Medical Investigation 12.35pm Five News 12.50 Floyd’s India 1.15 Cooking The Books 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.45 Animal Rescue Squad 3.00 FILM: Haven (2001) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Liam breaks up with Nicole. Ruby is diagnosed with diabetes. Aden faces a dilemma.

Not a mirror. Which is what a fellow of his favourable phyiscal attributes would be familiar with facing.

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh.

The programme features a look at the day’s news alongside location reports, celebrity interviews and gossip.

7.30 Europa League Football Live Europa League football action as Fulham host CSKA Sofia in this Group E clash.

10.10 FILM: The Green Mile (1999) Starring Tom Hanks, David Morse, Bonnie Hunt, Michael Duncan, James Cromwell and Michael Jeter.

Supernatural prison drama set in 1930s America. A convicted child murderer arrives on death row, but the guards find it hard to believe that the gentle giant could have been capable of such a horrific crime.

Moreover, the man appears to demonstrate miraculous healing powers. The head guard wonders whether the convict could help save the life of the prison warden’s dying wife. Handy that. Based on a short story by Stephen King.

1.40am SuperCasino 4.00 NFL Replay 4.45 HouseBusters 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE European Tour Golf 9.00 LIVE Golf 3.00pm Total Rugby 3.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 4.00 Carling Cup Football 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.00 Powder Adventures 6.30 ATP Tour Uncovered 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 The Rugby Club 11.00 Carling Cup Football 12.30am Khan V Salita Countdown 1.00 LIVE NFL 4.30 Khan V Salita Countdown

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Khan V Salita Countdown 9.30 Carling Cup Football 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Powerboat P1 Championship 2.00 Powder Adventures 2.30 Canter Banter 3.00 Watersports World 4.00 Tenpin Bowling 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 The Dogs 6.30 UIM F1 Powerboating 7.00 Polo Crown 8.00 The Rugby Club 9.00 Poker Million 11.00 WWE Late Night Raw 1.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 2.00 Poker Million 4.00 UIM F1 Powerboating 4.30 The Dogs

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm Project Catwalk 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Sell Me The Answer 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 New Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Bones 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Naked Britain 11.30 Road Wars 12.30am Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Dizzee Rascal At 1Xtra Live 8.00 Calum Best: Brought Up By Booze - A Children In Need Special 9.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 Gavin And Stacey 12.15am The World’s Strictest Parents

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Return To Pembrokeshire Farm 8.00 Nicholas Crane’s Britannia: The Great Elizabethan Journey 9.00 A History Of Christianity 10.00 Margot 11.25 The Thick Of It 11.55 The Armstrong And Miller Show 12.25am A History Of Christianity 1.25 Margot

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Judge Judy (x3) 6.45 Beat The Star 8.00 Grimefighters (x2) 9.00 Animals Do The Funniest Things 10.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here Now! 11.00 FILM: Wimbledon (2004) 1.05am Coronation Street 1.35 Emmerdale

2.35pm Rising Damp 3.05 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: The Secret House Of Death 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses 7.20 Rising Damp 7.55 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Lewis 11.05 Inspector Morse 1.05am The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes

2.35pm Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Scrubs (x2) 10.00 Misfits. See highlights.

11.00 Rude Tube (x2) 12.00am How I Met Your Mother 12.30 Scrubs (x2) 1.30 Reaper

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Embarrassing Bodies 10.00 Hung 10.40 Curb Your Enthusiasm 11.20 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 12.20am Embarrassing Bodies

11.00am The Way Home (2002) 12.45pm Special Inspector (1939) 1.55 Long Day’s Journey Into Night (1962) 5.10 Miracle On 34th Street (1947) 7.05 Just My Luck (2006) 9.00 Kingdom Of Heaven (2005) 12.40am The Warlords (2007) 2.50 Autobiography Of A Princess (1975) 4.00 Close

040_LS452_TV_Fri

11/26/09

4:02 PM

Page 1

friday 4 I’m A Celebrity...

Get Me Out Of Here!

ITV1, 8.30pm Everybody scream – Ahhhhh! It’s the final! Tonight’s the night when the King or Queen of the jungle is crowned for 2009, and as much as they’ve got away from the rain over here, they’ve had hardships, and don’t you start saying they haven’t. It’s been three weeks.

Will they chug the champers?

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross BBC1, 10.35pm Remember when you were a kid eavesdropping on your folks’ parties? Now consider if your dad was Jonathan Ross and if you’d ever go to bed with those stories to overhear. Tonight he’s having a natter with Reese Witherspoon, Sophia Loren and Russell Howard. Time to get comfy.

The X Factor ITV2, 5.40pm Alright, so you may have seen some of it last week. Since then, however, you can bet that the papers have gone mad about whoever was chucked out, some random pitch problem with the high notes or the latest detente between the judges. Check it out with 20/20 hindsight with both Saturday and Sunday’s repeats.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Show Me Show Me 3.30 Tronji 3.55 ChuckleVision 4.10 Pedro And Frankensheep 4.20 Shaun The Sheep 4.25 Shaun The Sheep 4.35 The Sarah Jane Adventures 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link 6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 8.00 EastEnders Masood’s accident makes Syed re-evaluate his relationship with Christian. And Archie and Janine realise Ian has exactly what they want – and they’ll do anything to get it. Watch it Beale!

8.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker is in the chair for another edition of the fast-paced sports quiz.

9.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz.

9.30 Live At The Apollo Live at the Apollo returns. Hilarious northern funny man Jason Manford is the host, and the comedy sensation of 2009 Michael McIntyre is his very special guest. Makes Friday exhaustion better. Ahh. 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross See highlights.

11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw 11.45 FILM: The Jackal (1997) Starring Bruce Willis, Richard Gere, Sidney Poitier. Violent action thriller about the FBI’s attempts to catch a deadly master of disguise.

1.40am Weatherview 1.45 Sign Zone: The Marchioness: A Survivor’s Story 2.45 Richard Wilson: Two Feet In The Grave 3.45 Make Me White 4.25 BBC News

6.00 – 9.00am Children’s television 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Clifford The Big Red Dog 10.20 Yoko!

Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary Class Clips 11.15 KS1 Science Clips 11.25 Something Special 11.40 The L.A.B Serves Up Food 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 All Saints 1.45 Open House 2.15 Animal Park 3.00 Diagnosis Murder 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 FIFA World Cup 2010: The Draw 6.35 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia breaks into the Strictly rehearsals and the Friday Panel looks forward to the weekend.

7.00 Andrew Marr’s The Making Of Modern Britain Repeat of Wednesday’s show.

8.00 Gardeners’ World Narrated by keen gardener Sandi Toksvig, this documentary explores the stories behind the seven founders of the Royal Horticultural Society.

9.00 We Are Family Documentary.

This moving film follows the Deeble family in Port Talbot, South Wales, as they come together to confront and bury the ghosts of a past that has haunted all of them.

10.00 Beautiful People The Doonans plan a holiday abroad but a plumbing disaster spoils everything. Meanwhile across the road, Kylie’s father meets his match in the form of a snarling dog called Madonna.

10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 FILM: The History Boys (2006) Starring Richard Griffiths, Stephen Campbell Moore, Samuel Anderson, Samuel Barnett, Dominic Cooper, Russell Tovey, James Corden.

Film adaptation of Alan Bennett’s acclaimed stage play set in the north of England in the 1980s in which eight shoolboys try to get into Oxbridge to study History.

1.25am Medium (x2)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.10am Planet Cook 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Friends 10.00 Friends 10.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Ugly Betty 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Wife Swap USA 1.25 FILM: One Of Our Aircraft Is Missing (1942) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Milkshake! Music Box 9.00 Little Lodgers 9.05 Family!

9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Medical Investigation 12.35pm Five News 12.50 Floyd Uncorked 1.15 Cooking The Books 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Zoo Days 3.00 FILM: Haven (2001) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Ruby and Geoff finally get together. At last!

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh.

7.30 The What In The World? Quiz Marcus Brigstocke presents the comedy panel show with Lee Hurst and Dominic Holland.

8.00 Axe Men Documentary series following the work of loggers in the Pacific Northwest. Shame. Great title for a documentary about a group of rock god guitarists.

9.00 NCIS Drama series following the work of the US Navy’s dedicated federal agency. The NCIS team investigates the fatal shooting of an officer. Well that’s what they’re supposed to do. Can’t have shootings going on willy nilly with no follow up.

10.00 Law & Order: SVU Drama series about an elite force based in New York that investigates sexrelated crimes. When the detectives probe the castration of a serial sex offender, they discover the culprit may have been one of the women he abused. Benson realises she interviewed the man’s first victim but refused to believe her story.

11.00 FlashForward Repeat of Monday’s episode.

12.00am SuperCasino 4.00 Big Ideas That Changed The World 4.45 HouseBusters 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket (x2) 11.30 Khan V Salita Countdown 12.00pm LIVE International Cricket 9.00 LIVE Boxing: Prizefighter 12.00am Khan V Salita Countdown 12.30 Football League Weekend 1.30 Khan V Salita Countdown 2.00 Prizefighter 5.00 Khan V Salita Countdown 5.30 Barclays Premier League Preview

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Are Ashley’s attempts to save his marriage too little too late? Katie forces Ryan to apologise to Maisie – not realising his feelings for her run so deep.

7.30 Coronation Street Molly and Kevin finally set a deadline. Planning begins for the return of the Rovers Xmas panto! Saints above save us.

8.00 Russell Watson – Return Of The Voice: Tonight More than a year after surgery to remove a tumour which almost took his life, tenor Russell Watson meets Trevor McDonald to discuss his road to recovery. Not on the ‘A to Z’.

8.30 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! See highlights.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 11.05 FILM: Must Love Dogs (2005) Starring Diane Lane, John Cusack, Elizabeth Perkins, Christopher Plummer and Stockard Channing.

Romantic comedy. A recently divorced 30-something teacher is sent on a series of unsuccessful dates by her meddling family, but when she is signed up to a dating agency by her sister, she suddenly finds herself torn between two very different suitors.

12.55am FILM: The Testimony Of Taliesin Jones (2000) 2.30 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Theresa is shocked when Anita reveals that Ricky was unable to perform. No pressure then.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.30 Into That Good Night Chris Eley’s directorial debut centres around a photography project run by a London hospice.

8.00 Jamie At Home Jamie picks ripe tomatoes from his garden to make a super salad. Not in this rain he didn’t. Flooded crop here, mate.

8.30 Jamie At Home A bumper crop of courgettes has grown and Jamie takes the opportunity to try out some recipies with the versatile vegetable while it is still in season.

9.00 Waking The Baby Mammoth Documentary. An almost perfectlypreserved infant woolly mammoth is discovered. Ah. Cootchy, cootchy, coo.

10.35 Comedy Showcase: The Amazing Dermot A mishap on stage and the resulting court case derails the career of a stage hypnotist. Rhys Darby stars as the hapless illusionist.

11.10 The IT Crowd Sitcom set in an IT department. Jen asserts herself after winning Employee of the Month.

11.45 True Blood Repeat of Wednesday’s show.

12.55am 4 Music: 4Play: Mumford And Sons 1.10 Friends (x2) 2.15 4 Music: Neil Young: Heart Of Gold 3.55 AVP Pro Beach Volleyball Tour 4.55 Switched 5.20 St Elsewhere

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE European Tour Golf 9.00 LIVE Golf 3.00pm Carling Cup Football 4.30 Barclays Premier League World 5.00 Khan V Salita Countdown 5.30 Gillette World Sport 6.00 Football League Weekend 7.00 Khan V Salita Countdown 7.30 LIVE Poker Million 2009 Final 11.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 11.30 NFL – Total Access 12.30am NFL 2.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 3.00 Football League Weekend 4.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 4.30 NFL – Total Access 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Khan V Salita Countdown 9.30 Carling Cup Football 11.00 Race World 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm NFL 2.00 The Rugby Club 3.00 WWE Raw 5.00 Elite League Ice Hockey 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 Tight Lines 8.30 Khan V Salita Countdown 9.00 Test Cricket 10.30 International Cricket 11.30 LIVE Test Cricket

Victoria Nangle

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1.00pm Project Catwalk 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Sell Me The Answer 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Futurama (X2) 6.00 New Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Angela And Friends: Our Best Bits 9.00 FILM: XMen (2000) 11.05 Justin Lee Collins: High Diver 12.05am Road Wars 1.05 Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Merlin 8.45 Merlin: Secrets And Magic 9.00 Spooks 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Don’t Tell The Bride 11.35 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am Russell Howard’s Good News 12.50 Little Britain USA (x2) 1.45 Mouth To Mouth (x2) 2.45 Don’t Get Screwed 3.15 Don’t Tell The Bride

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Transatlantic Sessions 8.00 Romeo And Juliet 10.00 Nureyev: From Russia With Love 11.30 We Need Answers 12.00am Only Connect 12.30 The Night James Brown Saved Boston 1.45 BBC Four Sessions 2.45 Transatlantic Sessions 3.15 We Need Answers

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Judge Judy 5.40 The X Factor (x2).

See highlights. 8.30 Animals Do The Funniest Things 9.25 New Homes From Hell 2009 10.30 I’m A Celebrity...

Get Me Out Of Here Now! Finale 11.30 FILM: Miami Vice (2006) 2.05am Coronation Street

2.05pm On The Buses 2.35 Rising Damp 3.05 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: The Secret House Of Death 4.10 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.10 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses 7.20 Rising Damp 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Lewis 11.00 Monsignor Renard 12.40am Inspector Morse

1.05pm Scrubs (x2) 2.05 Friends 2.35 Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.00 Wife Swap 11.05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man 11.55 My Name Is Earl 12.30am Scrubs (x2) 1.30 Supernanny

2.30pm The Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: Crash (2004) 11.10 Eddie Izzard - Circle 12.50am FILM: Crash (2004)

11.00am Lost (1955) 12.45pm The Vicious Circle (1957) 2.25 Flame Of The Barbary Coast (1945) 4.15 Monte Carlo Or Bust (1969) 6.40 Cutthroat Island (1995) 9.00 Downfall (2004) 12.00am Tigerland (2001) 1.55 Vault Of Horror (1973) 3.45 Close

041_LS452_TV_Sat

11/27/09

12:29 PM

Page 1

saturday 5 Dinner At Noon BBC2, 6.40pm Kicking off an entire night of Alan Bennett-fuelled programming, including two of his best known monologues and a brand new show celebrating his 75th birthday, this is musing from the man himself. In the Crown Hotel in Harrogate, Alan Bennett reflects on the subject of class.

What an evening of treats.

Harry Hill’s The Best Of TV Burp ITV1, 7.30pm It’s the first of three Best Ofs, celebrating TV Burp and picking out the highlights of the last series. Gasp as Jamie Oliver performs The Jamie Rap. Swoon as Phil Mitchell deflates. And double over in giggles as Paul Burrell entertains all on Australian Princess. Fight!

Film: E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial ITV2, 5.05pm Pioneer for the video pirate and 1982’s must-have Christmas toy, you know Christmas is around the corner when this intergalactic weepie raises it’s slightly oddshaped head. Elliott’s love for his unorthodox friend makes for a modern day classic, creating icons as it goes. Wanna call home?

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6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 Nigella’s Christmas Kitchen 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 South East Today 12.15 Football Focus 1.00 Snooker: UK Championship 2.15 Rugby Union: Barbarians V New Zealand 4.30 Final Score 5.05 BBC News 5.15 South East Today 5.25 Hole In The Wall 5.55 Merlin

6.00am Me Too! 6.20 Big Cook Little Cook 6.40 Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies 7.00 Dennis & Gnasher 7.10 Dennis & Gnasher 7.25 Sportsround 7.40 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.00 Gimme A Break 8.30 TMi 10.00 Doctor Who: Dreamland 10.45 ChuckleVision 10.55 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.30 Animals At Work 12.00pm The Cut 12.25 The Season 12.55 The 5:19 Show 1.15 Kyle XY 2.00 Animal Park 2.45 FILM: The Big Circus (1959) 4.30 Snooker: UK Championship

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.40 Horrid Henry 9.55 Atomic Betty 10.10 Atomic Betty 10.25 Art Attack 10.50 Tricky Quickies 10.55 ITV News & Weather 11.00 FILM: Pollyanna (1960) 1.35pm FILM: Peter Pan (2003) 3.35 Meridian News And Weather 3.50 FILM: Star Wars: Episode VI – Return Of The Jedi (1997) 5.00 ITV News & Weather 5.15 FILM: Star Wars: Episode VI Return Of The Jedi (1997)

6.10am Planet Cook 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Freesports On 4 8.00 The Morning Line 8.55 Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star 10.00 Friends 10.35 Hollyoaks Music Show 11.10 4Music Favourites: Robbie Williams 12.10pm 90210 1.10 Mariah Carey: T4 Special 1.45 Channel 4 Racing 3.50 My First Year 4.20 Come Dine With Me 4.50 Come Dine With Me 5.20 Come Dine With Me 5.50 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Football League Weekend 7.00 Khan V Salita Countdown 7.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 8.30 Khan V Salita Countdown 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 LIVE Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.30 LIVE Premiership Rugby Union 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice (x4) 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

6.40 Strictly Come Dancing It’s the quarter finals of Strictly Come Dancing and the pressure is mounting. The five remaining couples must perform two different dances in a bid to stay in the competition.

8.10 The National Lottery Draws The National Lottery draws.

8.20 Casualty Medical drama series.

Ruth gets a shock when a face from the past turns up at the ED. 9.10 The Impressions Show With Culshaw And Stephenson Culshaw and Stephenson are at it again. Their usual assortment of uncanny impressions include Gordon Ramsay’s debut on CBeebies, and Kate Winslet appearing in the Bad Jobs for Celebrities slot.

9.40 Strictly Come Dancing Results The two couples with the lowest combined judges’ score and viewers’ votes perform again in the dance-off. Bette Midler sings stuff.

10.10 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights from the day’s Barclays Premier League fixtures.

11.55 The Football League Show Manish Bhasin presents action and all the goals from the Football League. What was Linekar doing just now, then?!

1.10am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 2.10 Weatherview 2.15 BBC News

6.05 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom.

6.40 Dinner At Noon See highlights.

7.20 An Englishman Abroad Alan Bennett’s award-winning film drama based on a meeting between Australian actress Coral Browne and British spy Guy Burgess.

8.25 Talking Heads Drama monologue by Alan Bennett, starring Julie Walters. Lesley is a small-part actress who lands a role in a video set on a yacht, but things are not as they seem.

9.00 Talking Heads 2 Drama monologue written by Alan Bennett, starring Dame Thora Hird. Violet’s long life includes two telegrams, both from the monarch. Awaiting the second, she remembers the first.

9.30 Being Alan Bennett To mark his 75th year, a rare glimpse into the life and work of Alan Bennett, one of the UK’s best-loved writers. Given exclusive access to the key moments in his year, including final rehearsals of his new play, The Habit of Art. 10.30 The Thick Of It Satirical political sitcom.

11.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You The extended version of the popular news quiz.

11.45 Snooker: UK Championship – Highlights Balls and pockets. With long sticks. Y’know the drill.

12.35am Snooker: UK Championship – Extra

6.30 Totally You’ve Been Framed!

Harry Hill is the guide in this special show featuring some of the funniest and best clips submitted by viewers.

7.30 Harry Hill’s The Best Of TV Burp See highlights.

8.00 The X Factor Dermot O’Leary hosts the semi-finals. The four remaining acts must perform two songs each, and it will be up to them to really sing their hearts out if they are to be in with a chance of making it to next week’s final. What new ‘rule’ will Louis come up with this week? No tweed?

9.30 Rod Stewart: One Night Only Rod Stewart performs a selection of the iconic hits that have made him a music legend, including ‘Maggie May’ and ‘I Don’t Want To Talk About It’, together with his new interpretations of some of soul music’s greatest songs.

Stereophonics join Rod on stage for a unique performance of ‘Handbags and Gladrags’, and we get an exclusive peek behind the gates of his Essex mansion.

10.45 ITV News; Weather 11.00 FILM: Ray (2004) Starring Jamie Foxx, Kerry Washington, Bokeem Woodbine, Regina King.

Oscar-winning drama telling the turbulent life story of blind musical genius Ray Charles.

1.45am FILM: Clean And Sober (1988) 3.50 Crossing Jordan 4.35 ITV

6.20 Come Dine With Me Reality series in which people compete to be the best dinner-party host.

6.50 Channel 4 News 7.20 FILM: Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997) Starring Sandra Bullock, Jason Patric, Willem Dafoe. Action sequel which sees feisty heroine Annie trapped once more – this time on an out-of-control cruise ship hurtling towards disaster. Annie and her new policeman boyfriend decide to take time off for a romantic voyage, but fate conspires to ruin their holiday when a disgruntled ex-employee of the cruise line decides to forego an industrial tribunal in favour of blowing up the ship. Simple.

9.40 FILM: Premonition (2007) Starring Sandra Bullock, Julian McMahon, Nia Long, Amber Valletta.

Psychological thriller about a depressed housewife who falls into a tearful slumber after learning of her husband’s death, only to find him alive and well in the morning.

However, after shrugging off the experience, she then wakes the next day to find that he really is dead and begins to doubt her own sanity.

11.40 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the comedy panel show.

12.15am 4 Music: Live From Abbey Road 1.20 FILM: Jackie Brown (1997) 4.00 Supporting Acts 4.10 Switched 4.30 Beauty And The Geek 5.15 St Elsewhere

6.00 – 7.25am Children’s television 7.25 Rupert Bear 7.35 Mio Mao 7.40 Hana’s Helpline 7.55 Noddy In Toyland 8.05 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.25 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 8.40 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.15 Little Princess 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 NFLUK 11.00 The Gadget Show: Winter Special 12.00pm Britain’s Best Brain 1.00 Zoo Days 1.10 FILM: Brave Warrior (1952) 2.40 FILM: Operation Pacific (1951) 4.55 FILM: Cool Hand Luke (1967) 7.15 Five News 7.20 NCIS Drama series. An investigation into the death of a marine leads to a dubious weapons deal. Investigations should lead to arrests, not side lines.

8.15 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. Mac and Stella investigate the death of a woman at the French Consulate, while Danny and Lindsay try to find out who killed an up-and-coming chef with a corkscrew. A sommelier.

9.10 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. The CSIs are called to the murder of a motorcycle gang member at a biker bar. The investigation intensifies when the team discovers the victim was working undercover – but who revealed his true identity to the gang? Was it Facebook?

10.10 Law And Order: SVU Drama series. The discovery of a toddler with a massive head injury sends Stabler and Cragen on a search for the attacker – who may be a paedophile.

11.10 CSI: NY Drama series. Stella investigates the death of an armoursuited man who was found impaled on a lance in Central Park.

12.05am SuperCasino 3.55 House Doctor (x2) 4.45 Rough Guide To Islands 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE European Tour Golf 9.00 LIVE Golf 3.00pm Test Cricket (x2) 5.00 Khan V Salita Countdown 5.30 NFL - America’s Game 6.30 Khan V Salita Countdown 7.00 LIVE Darts 10.00 NFL – Total Access 11.00 Premiership Rugby Union 1.00am Darts 4.00 NFL – Total Access 5.00 NFL – America’s Game

Sky Sports 3 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket (x2) 11.30 International Cricket 12.30pm Khan V Salita Countdown 1.00 WWE Smackdown 3.00 LIVE Davis Cup Final Tennis 6.00 UIM F1 Powerboating 6.30 Archipelago Raid 2009 7.00 LIVE: Spanish Football (x2) 11.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 11.25 LIVE Test Cricket

Victoria Nangle

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BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

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1.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 The Real A & E 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 5.00 New Oops TV 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama (x2) 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Top 50 Showbiz Comebacks 12.00am Road Wars

7.00pm The Noughties ...

Was That It? 7.10 Top Gear 8.10 FILM: Pearl Harbor (2001) 11.00 Russell Howard’s Good News Extra 11.50 Family Guy 12.10am American Dad! (x2) 12.55 Don’t Get Screwed 1.25 Young Hairdresser Of The Year 2.25 Russell Howard’s Good News Extra

7.00pm India’s Hospital Train 8.00 Cranford 9.00 Margot 10.25 Spiral II 11.20 Spiral II 12.15am India’s Hospital Train 1.15 Cranford 2.15 FILM: Princesses (2000) 5.30 Close

3.20pm All Star Family Fortunes 4.05 Gossip Girl 5.05 FILM: E.T.: The ExtraTerrestrial (1982) 7.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 8.00 Holiday Showdown 9.00 Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.30 The Xtra Factor 10.30 FILM: Ocean’s Eleven (2001) 12.45am Harry Hill’s The Best Of TV Burp 1.15 The X Factor

1.55pm FILM: Columbo: Prescription Murder (1968) 4.00 FILM: Columbo: Ransom For A Dead Man (1971) 6.00 Inspector Morse 8.00 Rosemary And Thyme 9.00 Rebus 10.35 Vincent 12.05am Inspector Morse 1.50 The Charmer 2.50 Drama Trails 3.00 Teleshopping

12.55pm Age Of Love 1.55 Style Her Famous 2.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl (x3) 8.25 Friends (x2) 9.30 50 Greatest Comedy Films 11.10 FILM: Riding In Cars With Boys (2001) 1.45am Supernanny US 2.30 How To Look Good Naked 3.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus

2.30pm Kitchen Pharmacy 2.40 Grand Designs Revisited (x5) 8.05 Mona Lisa Curse 9.40 Bremner, Bird And Fortune: The Last Show Before The Recovery (x3) 12.55am Mona Lisa Curse 2.30 Bremner, Bird And Fortune: The Last Show Before The Recovery (x2)

11.00am Freedom Radio (1941) 1.00pm The First Wives Club (1996) 3.00 On Golden Pond (1981) 5.05 Hope Floats (1998) 7.15 The Perfect Score (2003) 9.00 Enemy At The Gates (2001) 11.35 Deathwatch (2002) 1.25am The House

By The Cemetery (1981)

042_LS452_TV_Sun

11/27/09

12:31 PM

Page 1

sunday 6 Film: Happy-Go-Lucky Channel 4, 9pm Last year’s uplifting surprise hit from Mike Leigh hits our terrestrial screens running in a bid to stop any winter blues in their tracks. School teacher Poppy (played by awardnominated Sally Hawkins) is tenaciously cheery in the face of the difficulties of life in this comedy drama. Lovely.

Miranda BBC2, 9.30pm The prat-falling comedic lady about town counts her blessings as a single woman with the freedom to jet off on holiday at a moment’s notice. Deciding jetting is a bit too much bother, she checks in to the hotel across the road instead and indulges in a bit of R&R, making new friends and becoming a new woman.

Russell Howard’s Good News BBC3, 11.10pm The toothy one from Mock The Week seems to be doing pretty well with this, his own BBC3 series. Admittedly, it’s the same kind of homework as the Mock... gig – read the news and think of funny stuff about it. However, he does it well and niggles out those stories you may have missed too.

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6.00am Breakfast 7.30 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Fern Britton Meets...

11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 Cash In The Attic 1.30 Keeping Up Appearances 2.00 Murder, She Wrote 2.45 EastEnders 4.40 Points Of View 4.55 Songs Of Praise 5.30 BBC News 5.45 South East Today

6.00am Me Too! 6.20 Big Cook Little Cook 6.40 Mama Mirabelle’s Home Movies 7.00 Uncle Max 7.10 OOglies 7.30 Prank Patrol 8.00 The Secret Show 8.15 The Secret Show 8.30 Best Of Friends 9.00 The Sorcerer’s Apprentice 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Escape To The Country 12.15pm FILM: Tiger Bay (1959) 2.00 Snooker: UK Championship 5.20 Talking Heads: A Chip In The Sugar

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Paz 9.35 Supernormal 9.50 Horrid Henry 10.05 Atomic Betty 10.20 Emu 10.35 Planet Sketch 10.45 Coronation Street Omnibus 1.00pm ITV News & Weather 1.05 Kids Do The Funniest Things 2.05 Columbo: Agenda For Murder 4.10 Agatha Christie’s Poirot

6.05am Sali Mali 6.10 Planet Cook 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 AVP Pro Beach Volleyball Tour 7.55 The British Gas Great Swim Series 8.50 Friends 9.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.00pm 90210 1.00 Friends 1.40 Ugly Betty 2.40 Ugly Betty 3.40 The Simpsons 4.10 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.40 Channel 4 News

6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 Football First: Match Choice (x2) 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Football League: Championship 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.00 Ford Super Sunday 11.25 LIVE Test Cricket

6.05 A Day Out Alan Bennett’s first television play, directed in 1972 by Stephen Frears. A charming comedy set in Edwardian Yorkshire, it follows a cycling club on a day out.

6.55 Talking Heads: A Lady Of Letters Drama monologue by Alan Bennett, starring Patricia Routledge.

7.30 James May On The Moon James May commemorates the 40th anniversary of the Apollo moon landings.

8.30 Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson travels to Belfast to conduct a test of the Renaultsport Twingo 133 involving a tunnel, a ferry and the actor Ross Kemp. Meanwhile, Richard Hammond invents the brand new sport of airport vehicle racing.

James May tests the new Vauxhall Insignia VXR. 9.30 Miranda See highlights.

10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Adrian Chiles presents highlights from the day’s Premier League games.

10.50 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Repeat of Wednesday’s show.

11.20 Argumental Comedy debating show chaired by John Sergeant.

Team captains Marcus Brigstocke and Rufus Hound are joined by guests Frankie Boyle and Andrew Maxwell.

11.50 Snooker: UK Championship – Highlights Clunk, click – that’s the red in the corner pocket.

12.40am Snooker: UK Championship – Extra 2.40 News

6.10 Meridian News; Weather 6.25 ITV News; Weather 6.45 All Star Family Fortunes Dancing On Ice judge Karen Barber and clan take on comedian Paddy McGuiness and his Bolton-based brood. The Barbers are playing for Cancer Research, while the McGuinnesses are supporting the British Heart Foundation.

7.30 The X Factor Find out the results of the latest public vote, as Dermot O’Leary reveals which performers will have to fight for survival in a sing-off.

8.30 FILM: Batman Begins (2005) Starring Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Katie Holmes, Gary Oldman, Cillian Murphy. Action adventure reboot of the comic book story, telling the story of how Bruce Wayne came to be Batman.

11.10 ITV News; Weather 11.20 Carol Ann Duffy: The South Bank Show Carol Ann Duffy is Britain’s best-loved and biggestselling living poet, and in May this year she was appointed Poet Laureate. In this programme she talks to Melvyn Bragg about her work for both adults and children.

12.20am Guinness Premiership Rugby 1.10 UEFA Champions League Weekly 1.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 2.30 Russell Watson – Return Of The Voice: Tonight 2.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Noddy In Toyland 8.15 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.35 The Mr. Men Show 8.50 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.20 Little Princess 9.35 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Snobs 10.35 Wizards Of Waverly Place 11.10 Hannah Montana 11.45 The Tribe 12.10pm Rogue Raiders: Cheetahs 1.00 Building The Super Tower: Megastructures 2.00 FILM: The Last Starfighter (1984) 3.50 FILM: Last Action Hero (1993) 6.05 Five News 6.10 FILM: Kelly’s Heroes (1970) Starring Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas, Donald Sutherland, Don Rickles, Carroll O’Connor and Harry Stanton. World War II adventure about an American soldier who captures a German officer and discovers that his prisoner knows the whereabouts of $16million in Nazi gold. He finds out where the bullion is hidden and quickly gathers together a crew of military misfits to help him with his unusual and daring robbery. Surely that makes him a war criminal. Think on it Mr Kelly.

9.00 FILM: Blood Work (2002) Starring Clint Eastwood, Jeff Daniels, Anjelica Huston, Tina Lifford and Wanda De Jesus. Crime thriller. A former FBI profiler has retired following a heart transplant. At first, he refuses a woman’s request to hunt down her sister’s killer, but she has a compelling reason for him to take the case – he is living on borrowed time provided by her sister’s heart.

Contrived? Never!

11.10 True Horror Three-part series that explores the myths surrounding some of the most iconic and terrifying monsters ever created.

12.10am FlashForward 1.05 NFL Live 4.40 NFL Classics 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake!

Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00 Life The nature documentary series takes a look at marine invertebrates, some of the most bizarre and beautiful animals on the planet.

7.00 Countryfile Matt Baker and Julia Bradbury bring us another slice of country life, including an investigation by John Craven into the alarming rise in wildlife crime.

8.00 Antiques Roadshow Objects exciting the experts include a valuable Lalique figure bought in a junk shop for under a pound, an exquisitely carved model ship made

by Napoleonic prisoners of war, and a rare medal awarded to an heroic pigeon. So cool it’s frozen.

9.00 Small Island Andrea Levy’s award-winning story of Jamaicans and Londoners involved in World War II. London 1948: Hortense joins her new husband, Gilbert, in England where he is lodging with Queenie Bligh.

10.30 BBC News 10.50 South East Today 10.55 FILM: Down With Love (2002) Starring Ewan McGregor, Renee Zellweger, Sarah Paulson, David Pierce, Tony Randall. Comedy.

12.35am The Sky At Night 1.00 Sign Zone: Alexander Armstrong’s Very British Holiday 2.00 Holby City 3.00 Miranda 3.30 Caribbean Food Made Easy (x2) 4.30 BBC News

6.10 FILM: Son Of The Mask (2005) Starring Jamie Kennedy, Alan Cumming, Bob Hoskins, Traylor Howard and Steven Wright. Family comedy sequel. When a dog stumbles upon an ancient magic mask and gives it to his owner, his new baby son acquires supernatural powers.

Really? Not just a tad desperate? Hm. 8.00 Come Dine With Me Reality cookery and hosting competition. Four competitive cooks from Wolverhampton try to host the perfect dinner party. Insults are hurled, as well as desserts, as the chefs fight a grim battle for the top prize. Cold, hard, cash.

9.00 FILM: Happy-Go-Lucky (2008) See highlights.

11.20 FILM: The Hills Have Eyes II (2007) Starring Daniella Alonso, Michael McMillian, Jessica Stroup and Michael Bailey Smith. Explicit and gruesome horror sequel about a team of trainee soldiers who find that their camp has been ravaged by a group of mutant cannibals and are forced into a battle for their survival.

Have a strong stomach for this.

1.00am FILM: Quills (2000) Factbased historical drama about the period when the infamous Marquis de Sade was incarcerated in a mental asylum at the end of the 18th century.

3.15 The Dead Zone 4.05 Switched 4.30 Beauty And The Geek 5.10 St Elsewhere

Sky Sports 2 6.00am LIVE European Tour Golf 9.00 LIVE Golf 3.00pm Test Cricket (x2) 5.00 Gillette World Sport 5.30 LIVE NFL (x2) 12.30am Spanish Football 2.30 Ford Football Special 4.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 4.30 Scottish Premier League 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am LIVE Test Cricket (x2) 11.30 UIM F1 Powerboating 12.00pm Archipelago Raid 2009 12.30 LIVE Scottish Premier League 3.00 Darts 6.00 WWE Experience 7.00 Scottish Premier League 7.30 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 11.00 WWE Vintage Collection 12.00am Golf Night 2.30 Davis Cup Final Tennis 4.30 Close

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ITV3

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1.00pm New Oops TV 2.00 Project Runway 3.00 Angela And Friends: Our Best Bits 4.00 UK Border Force (x2) 6.00 Noel’s Christmas Presents Update 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Modern Family 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 House 10.00 Fringe 11.00 Bones 12.00am Road Wars (x2) 1.55 Prison Break

7.00pm Merlin 7.45 Merlin: Secrets And Magic 8.00 The Real Hustle: High Stakes 8.30 Britain’s Really Disgusting Food: Fish 9.30 Don’t Get Screwed 10.00 Family Guy 10.20 American Dad! (x2) 11.10 Russell Howard’s Good News. See highlights. 11.40 Gavin And Stacey 12.10am Mouth To Mouth (x2)

7.00pm A History Of Christianity 8.00 The Man Behind The Masquerade 9.00 Mark Lawson Talks To Alan Bennett 10.00 Bennett On Bennett 10.10 Screen One: A Question Of Attribution 11.25 Talking Heads 12.00am Simon Mann’s African Coup Black Beach: Storyville

1.35pm FILM: Kindergarten Cop (1990) 3.40 Totally You’ve Been Framed! 4.45 Harry Hill’s The Best Of TV Burp 5.10 FILM: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory (2005) 7.30 Grimefighters (x2) 8.30 The Xtra Factor 9.30 Dannii Minogue Uncut: Piers Morgan’s Life Stories 11.00 The X Factor 12.00am The Xtra Factor

2.15pm Inspector Morse 4.20 FILM: Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights (1992) 6.25 The Forsyte Saga 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 11.05 Cracker 12.10am Life 1.05 Life 1.50 Wycliffe 2.45 On The Buses 3.10 Emmerdale Omnibus

1.05pm Dark Angel 2.00 Reaper (x2) 4.00 The Big Bang Theory 4.25 Friends (x2) 5.30 Ugly Betty 6.30 One Tree Hill 7.25 Friends (x2) 8.30 The Big Bang Theory 9.00 Derren Brown: The Events 10.05 FILM: Kiss Of The Dragon (2001) 12.05am Ricky Gervais: New Hero Of Comedy 1.05 Supernanny US (x2)

1.20pm How Clean Is Your House? (x5) 4.10 Come Dine With Me (x5) 7.00 Come Dine With Me At Christmas 8.00 Christmas At River Cottage 9.00 Jamie Cooks Christmas 10.10 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 11.15 Father Ted 11.50 Hung 12.25am Curb Your Enthusiasm 1.05 Deal Or No Deal

11.00am Contraband (1940) 1.00pm Memoirs Of An Invisible Man (1992) 2.55 Fair Wind To Java (1953) 4.45 Please Sir! (1971) 6.45 Take The Lead (2006) 9.00 Assault On Precinct 13 (2005) 11.05 The Thin Red Line (1998) 2.20am Bodysong (2000)

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11/27/09

12:30 PM

Page 1

monday 7 Dispatches: Christmas On Credit Channel 4, 8pm It’s that tricky time of year when our already stretched, post-credit crunch pocket wants to buy lots of lovely things for everyone we plan to get stuffed on turkey with in a few weeks. Jane Moore investigates the highly-lucrative financial industry making the most of the aspiration.

I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Coming Out ITV1, 9pm Ever had a holiday friendship last? Let’s see if these celebs fare any better as they head out of the jungle, back to loved ones and plenty of opulence. Bestest friends? Yer reckon? Maybe having the cameras on them forges stronger bonds. We’ll have to wait and see.

Being Erica E4, 10pm The comedy drama continues as Erica longs to be spontaneous.

Well, just a hint here hon, but you might be a bit more adventurous if you didn’t regret so many things. And thus the whole concept for the time-travelling learning and growing thing piffs out of existence. Anyway, she goes back and learns and grows.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Living Dangerously 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Show Me Show Me 3.35 Tronji 3.55 ChuckleVision 4.10 Pedro And Frankensheep 4.20 Shaun The Sheep 4.25 Shaun The Sheep 4.35 School Of Silence 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Wait For It..! 8.30 Pingu 8.35 Pingu 8.45 Pinky Dinky Doo 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Clifford The Big Red Dog 10.20 Yoko!

Jakamoko! Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Pingu 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Open House 1.30 Snooker: UK Championship 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Golden Balls

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 Planet Cook 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.25 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Friends 10.00 Friends 10.35 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Ugly Betty 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: One Day In Handsworth 12.45 Wife Swap USA 1.30 FILM: Distant Drums (1951) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am LIVE Test Cricket 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (x2) 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm Scottish Premier League 1.30 Ford Football Special 3.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 3.30 Spanish Football 5.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.30 SPL Round-Up 7.00 Netbusters 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Netbusters 11.30 LIVE Test Cricket

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out Victoria is a 12-yearold who loves shooting rabbits, pheasants and pigeons to help farmers. She is in favour of children having licenses to use shotguns and presents her case. Obviously not a sympathiser of Alice and her relationship with the White Rabbit.

8.00 EastEnders Whitney’s world is shattered by a home truth.

8.30 Panorama Old politics – and old politicians – were due to be swept away on a tide of moats, mortgages and flat screen TVs. But six months on, what has really changed?

9.00 Life The nature documentary series examines plants and their ingenious and manipulative solutions to life’s challenges.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show Guests include rapper 50 Cent, and comedian Jimmy Carr. No relation.

11.20 South Africa’s World Cup Journey Gabby Logan is in South Africa as they approach their staging of the 2010 world cup.

11.50 The Apprentice USA 1.10am Weatherview 1.15 Sign Zone: An Island Parish 1.45 Defying Gravity 2.30 Beautiful People 3.00 Horizon: Who’s Afraid Of A Big Black Hole? 4.00 BBC News

6.00 Celebrity Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a celebrity special of the show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Judge Craig Revel Horwood analyses the weekend’s events, while Claudia chats to the latest couple to be knocked out.

7.00 Snooker: UK Championship The first round reaches a conclusion.

8.00 University Challenge Students representing Jesus College, Oxford play the University of Warwick.

Who’s the cleverest?!

8.30 Miranda Sitcom. Miranda has spent most of her life avoiding being set up by her mother Penny, but old school pal Tilly sets her up on a blind date with an army doctor friend, Dreamboat Charlie.

9.00 School Of Saatchi Series exploring the world of contemporary art through a nationwide search by Charles Saatchi. He will select one artist to join his next major exhibition and offer them their own studio for three years.

10.00 QI Repeat of Thursday’s show.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop.

11.50 Snooker: UK Championship – Highlights Highlights from the evening’s matches.

12.40am Snooker: UK Championship – Extra 2.40 News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Doug gives Ashley a piece of his mind after finding Sally at the vicarage. Hide and Seek needs to get tougher in the village, by gads!

7.30 Coronation Street Will Ken risk Deirdre’s job to stop Peter’s bar plan?

Kevin sweats as Molly makes a decision. That’s attractive.

8.00 So You Think You’re Insured?: Tonight Fiona Foster investigates how some insurers are refusing to pay out for claims for nondisclosure of information.

8.30 Coronation Street Dev romances Bernie the golfer.

9.00 I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! Coming Out See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Inside MI5 – The Real Spooks A look at the history of MI5 based on the book Defence of the Realm by Professor Christopher Andrew, who was given unprecedented access to MI5’s secret files.

11.35 FILM: The Black Windmill (1974) Starring Michael Caine, Joseph O’Conor, Donald Pleasence.

Tense thriller in which a secret agent attempts to track down a gang who have kidnapped his son.

1.30am Loose Women 2.15 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Struggling to handle life after the trial, Zoe and Mike find themselves kissing, but Lydia sees them. D’oh!

7.00 Channel 4 News 8.00 Dispatches: Christmas On Credit See highlights.

9.00 Man On Earth Documentary series in which Tony Robinson examines how our ancestors have handled violent climate change over the past 200,000 years and asks what we can learn from them. In this first programme, Tony explains how a small group of our earliest African ancestors were rescued from extinction by global warming.

10.00 Ugly Betty Drama series about an ordinary-looking secretary working for a fashion magazine. A photo session with singer Adele prompts Betty, Matt and Marc to work together as they face their final YETI project. Peril then resolution. Bless.

11.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word Simply Thai from Teddington and Yum Yum from London vie to make the tastiest Thai banquet.

12.05am 4 Music: Mencap’s Little Noise Sessions 2009 12.35 King Of The Hill (x2) 1.35 PokerStars.com European Poker Tour 2.30 Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip 3.10 The Dead Zone 3.55 Switched 4.20 Beauty And The Geek 5.05 St Elsewhere 5.55 The Treacle People

6.00 – 8.30am Children’s television 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Mio Mao 9.00 Little Lodgers 9.05 Family! 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Medical Investigation 12.35pm Five News 12.50 Nice House, Shame About The Garden: Revisited 1.15 Cooking The Books 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visits 3.05 FILM: Two Against Time (2002) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Martha forms an attachment to Bambang. Isn’t that Barney and Betty’s kid?

6.25 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh.

7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn finds out how car airbags function; discovers how internet shopping is gathered and distributed at a gigantic warehouse; and learns all about the afterlife of cars.

8.00 The Gadget Show: Christmas Special Jason and Suzi compete to see who can find the best gadget gift available to buy for Christmas.

Elsewhere, Jon examines internetenabled TVs and Ortis provides some money-saving tips.

9.00 FILM: Tears Of The Sun (2002) Starring Bruce Willis, Monica Bellucci, Cole Hauser, Eamonn Walker. Thriller about a veteran American soldier sent to rescue a doctor caught up in a civil war in Nigeria. Once she is located, the doctor insists the soldier help escort a party of villagers to safety. Those darn doctor ladies!

11.20 America’s Toughest Prisons Documentary series about some of America’s most notorious prisons.

12.20am Vice Squad 1.15 SuperCasino 3.00 Ironman Triathlon 3.55 Race And Rally UK 4.45 Motorsport Mundial 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Powder Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Golf Night 10.30 Powder Adventures 11.00 Test Cricket 1.00pm Golf Night 3.30 NFL 5.00 Test Cricket 7.00 IRB Sevens 10.00 Poker: Bounty Stars Of Poker 12.00am SPL Round-Up 12.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.30 Football League: Championship 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Netbusters 4.00 Showjumping: Spruce Meadows Presents 5.00 Max Power

Sky Sports 3 7.00am World Squash Open (x2) 9.00 Davis Cup Final Tennis 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm NFL 1.30 Powder Adventures 2.00 Davis Cup Final Tennis 4.00 WWE Raw 6.00 Athletics 6.30 NFL 8.00 Test Cricket 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 Live WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Football League: Championship 5.45 Close

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extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

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1.00pm Project Catwalk 2.00 Angela And Friends 3.30 Sell Me The Answer 4.30 The Lion Man 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 New Oops TV 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 Miami SWAT 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 The Real Hustle Las Vegas 8.00 Bizarre ER 8.30 Don’t Get Screwed 9.00 Mouth To Mouth (x2) 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Young Chef Of The Year 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am The Mighty Boosh 12.45 Don’t Get Screwed 1.15 Mouth To Mouth (x2) 2.15 Young Chef Of The Year

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 The Sky At Night 8.00 How To Solve A Cryptic Crossword: Timeshift 9.00 Games Britannia 10.00 Bennett On Bennett 10.10 Talking Heads 11.05 The Beatles On Record 12.05am How The Beatles Rocked The Kremlin: Storyville 1.05 Games Britannia

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 All Star Mr & Mrs 8.00 Harry Hill’s The Best Of TV Burp 8.30 Grimefighters 9.00 FILM: Ocean’s Eleven (2001) 11.20 Coronation Street (x2) 12.25am FILM: The Chronicles Of Riddick (2004)

2.40pm Rising Damp 3.15 FILM: Columbo: Prescription Murder (1968) 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 7.55 Jeeves And Wooster 9.00 Ruth Rendell’s Inspector Wexford: Harm Done 11.15 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Going Wrong 12.20am Wycliffe

2.35pm Hollyoaks 3.05 Gilmore Girls 4.00 Veronica Mars 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 One Tree Hill 10.00 Being Erica. See highlights. 11.00 Skins 12.05am My Name Is Earl 12.35 Scrubs (x2) 1.30 Being Erica 2.15 Skins 3.10 Roswell (x2)

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs Revisited 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart: Global Edition 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 Without A Trace 11.00 The Closer 12.00am Come Dine With Me 1.05 Without A Trace

11.00am Appointment In London (1953) 12.55pm Conspiracy Of Hearts (1960) 3.05 There’s No Business Like Show Business (1954) 5.20 High Anxiety (1977) 7.10 Return Of The Magnificent Seven (1966) 9.00 Dreamgirls (2006) 11.35 Saw (2004) 1.35am Large (2000) 3.35 Close