Latest Seven 442: 22 - 28 September

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18/9/09

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★

Paddy Considine: I want to move to Brighton page 11

22 – 28 September 2009

FREE WEEKLY

BRIGHTON MARATHON Our new running columnist signs up HEATHER MILLS The wonder of the West Pier starlings

HOT TICKETkSly! Your new weoew booking-n guide p7

RICHARD HAWLEY Former Pulp man on his ‘unearthly’ new LP

White heat Stunning cuisine at White’s in our Steyning feature page 13

Oriental buffet - eat as much as you like With over 50 items for lunch and 70 items for dinner including seafood, aromatic crispy duck, Japanese sushi, teppanyaki and fruit ice cream.

Lunch from: £5.99 Dinner from: £8.99 Buy one get one free soft drinks & Sun Lik Beer (until 30 Sept, evenings only)

18-19 York Place Brighton BN1 4GU Tel: 01273 698 606

000_LS442_ Pandora

9/16/09

5:20 PM

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003_LS442_contents

9/18/09

2:14 PM

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welcome

L7 CONTENTS 04 NEWS & COMMENT 4 City Speak Columnists Heather Mills, Seann and Will 5 Social Diary Art At Five and the Unique Brighton Fashion Show 6 News Phil Mills digests the week’s headlines; Councillor Mary Mears on building schemes 6 Latest Inbox Readers’ letters 7 Bookings Derren Brown, Strictly Come Dancing and Count Arthur Strong dates announced 7 Competitions Win comedy tickets and DVDs 7 Latest Brighton Download Chart Who’s at number one this week?

8 Snap Shots Mark Ede of Brighton Live 9 Celebcity Colin Firth, Keith Floyd and Carla Lane 10 Bare Cheek Read an extract from Nick Cave’s new novel 10 Astral Angi Let the stars be your seasonal style guide

13

11 L7 INTERVIEW Cinecity’s new patron, film star Paddy Considine, on mockumentaries, man crushes and moving back to Brighton

You may notice a few changes to your magazine this week, and we very much hope you like them.

Because Latest 7 is about being in-the-know, we’ve introduced Latest Bookings to keep you abreast of the hottest tickets going on sale each week (turn to p7 now if you fancy catching lottery-predictor extraordinaire Derren Brown live in 2010).

Because we’re about community, we’re giving you a comment forum, and look forward to receiving your letters and emails about whatever’s on your mind (Latest Inbox p6).

And because we’re about supporting the arts, we’ve increased our live reviews to a full page, and introduced a weekly interview with the biggest and best entertainers in town – this week, Shane Meadows’ muse and former Brighton University student Paddy Considine, who’s just become a patron of local film festival Cinecity (p11).

You’ll also find an expanded Competitions section prone to stupendous acts of generosity (p7). The Sports column makes a return, this week with the first installment in a monthly training diary leading up to the Brighton Marathon (p22). And Diana Frangi continues her portrait series Snap Shots (p8). Andrew Kay, meanwhile has been busy doing surprising things with baked beans for the Brighton and Hove Food and Drink Festival and will return next week.

All that plus a special area feature exploring the delights of Steyning – from the rightly renowned, such as our cover star Whites Bar and Kitchen, to those just waiting to be discovered.

12 LIFESTYLE 12 Steyning special Explore one of Sussex’s hidden gems 13 Cover feature Stylish dining at White’s Bar and Kitchen 14 Hotlist 20 great restaurants and coffee shops

15 WHAT’S ON

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Bella Todd, Latest 7 Editor

L7 Don’t miss...

15 Stage Brighton Dome’s autumn season kicks off 16 Music and Clubs Richard Hawley interview 18 Events The Small Wonder Short Story Festival 18 Art Made In Brighton exhibition 19 Comedy Sarah Millican comes to Comic Boom at Komedia 19 Film What’s showing at your local cinema 20 Gay Drag kings, karaoke and everything in between 21 Reviews Red Sea Fish and The Magic Numbers 22 Sport Marathon Mary enters the Brighton Marathon 22 TV Seven-day guide to what’s on the box

Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan

Finance Manager Sharon Caple Editor Bella Todd Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker Production Manager Neil Ive

Production Editor Victoria Nangle Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Sub Editors Pearl Bates Melina Greenfield Patrick O’Donnell

Lamb 22 September, Concorde 2 One of only two dates for the freshly reformed duo whose downtempo drum ’n’ bass and angular trip hop has always held a special place in Brighton’s heart

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer

Staff Writers Nick Aldwinckle Ralph Miller Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit Books Writer John O’Donoghue

Advertising Director Lynne Edward Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless

01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

004_LS442_Seann/Will/VBites

04

9/18/09

2:22 PM

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CITY SPEAK

Seann

Will

Seann Walsh faces up to the aging process

Will Harris is lost without his laptop

E

xcuse me if this seems disjointed, but I’m having to do it the old-fashioned way: left-handed, on dog-eared sheets of A5. The reason? My laptop is dead.

Stone cold dead. It’s laid out under my bed as I write, having finally given up the ghost two days ago.

My flatmate says I must have killed it by hitting the keys so hard while firing off angry emails. I think, full of malaise about the 21st century, it has topped itself.

I know what you’re thinking, reader. You think this is going to be one of those heartwarming transformation tales, where I emerge from the silicon darkness of my bedroom, atrophied and shaking, albinoid eyes squinting in the bright daylight, to realise there’s a whole world of unplugged potential out there. Wrong. This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.

Being without your laptop is like losing a limb. Worse! It’s like losing a mobile phone: that disquieting feeling of being disconnected from your normal routine – come home, switch laptop on, spend four hours investigating the life story of Agatha Christie on Wikipedia for no fathomable reason, switch laptop off, go to bed – coupled with the prospect of having to go about everything the hard way.

This is a blessing, traditionalists will argue – a chance to do all the things I could do if I wasn’t normally tangled in my Ethernet.

And it’s true; I do have more time. I am lost in a desert of time. Without the distractions of Facebook and

arlier today I was looking Specifically, I’m talking about through photos of myself on skin. It brings to mind one of the Facebook. It’s a peculiar, but warnings on tobacco pouches: common, thing to do. It is partly “Smoking causes ageing of the motivated by vanity and selfskin.” This is vindicated by the interest. It’s our way of answering comparison between me last year questions like, “How does my hair and now. A year ago, I looked like a look when it's been raining?” without wax-work of me now. And now, I look having to test that practically. like a wayward look-alike of myself.

However, there is also a I am aware that at my age (23), masochistic aspect to it, when the the body ages faster. Every year whole thing takes on an air of selfweighs more. Every year drags you bullying. We notice, or even seek closer to adulthood. Apparently it’s out, flaws in our appearances that called growing up. But the change I are not apparent to anyone else. saw was closer to ageing than to Another reason to growing up, closer look at photos of to deterioration than our previous selves “At my age the to development. is what you might I imagine this is body ages faster. normal. call anti-nostalgia: This time that relieving next year, I’ll be a This time next feeling of distance walking callus, still when we look at smoking, looking year I’ll be a how we once styled at pictures on walking callus” Facebook and ourselves. We can look back with wishing I could look disdain and say, “I can’t believe I like myself from 2009. used to wear that!” as if it were We do move fast in our youth. another person, when it's really just I’m already lost in the company of you, a few years ago, during the most 18-year-olds. Their music nail varnish phase. leaves me cold; their conversation This last reason must be a confuses me; their slang baffles device for making us feel better me. I heard an 18-year-old say elev’ about however we look right now. instead of eleven. I can’t relate to a Sometimes, though, this backfires group of people who don’t and produces the opposite effect. pronounce every syllable of a There’s nothing pleasant about number. It’s utterly ridic’. thinking, “I looked an awful lot Only five years on, I feel even better then.” more distant from them than I do I saw a picture of myself from this from my youthful skin of time last year, and was perturbed yesteryear. Perhaps smoking also by the change. And it wasn’t a causes ageing of the spirit. Oh well. change in style; it was in me.

I’ll always have 2008.

E

“This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s like losing a limb” Hotmail, all those ‘things I’d do if I only had the time’ don’t take long at all.

In just a few evenings, I’ve finished Kafka, plowed through Borges, and decimated every episode of Will & Grace amassed on Sky-Plus. But these islands of activity soon lose their shine minus the sea of YouTube clips and photos of cats in funny outfits through which I usually surf.

Strange how, when you can do something all the time, suddenly you don’t want to do it any more.

I call my friends, hoping one of them might offer some distraction from the empty hours, but of course they’re all plugged in, zipping like hummingbirds around the information superhighway.

That’s when it hits me. I’m a technological pariah, a knuckledragger in a world of spacemen. I’m Stephen Hawking minus his chair.

And now I must leave you. The engineer will arrive soon and he’s going to need careful instructions (“This is his mains adaptor, and he likes to watch half an hour of iPlayer before he shuts down for the night”). And besides, dear reader, my hand is starting to hurt.

displays at the West Pier at sunset: it doesn’t matter how many occasions I have seen the beauty of their nightly ebbing and flowing formations, or how busy my mind has been on that day, it Heather Mills has peace on earth on her remains a mouth-open wonder that never fails to stop me in my tracks.

Christmas list The busier my mind is, caught up in the details of have to say I’m pretty disenchanted with my life, governmental politics in this country. As I see it, analysing this “It’s like having Dr Evil voting doesn’t really seem to achieve anything and analysing except to change the country’s opinion of whom we that, the longer for a father.

When did I dislike the most. Call me a cynic if you like but, be it takes for me the government Tory or Labour, they both prattle on ever show any interest in to slow down, about why the country can’t afford this and can’t stop and an Intercontinetal Ballistic appreciate this afford that, but then always manage to find the money from somewhere for the things we want the timeless wonder.

Missile, Dad?” least. War without end springs to mind, as does the The ghost ship charm of the old West Pier is such a database state, nuclear weapons and ‘hundred billion perfect backdrop to the swirling and darting of the pound bank bailouts.’ starlings. It is a piece of living breathing natural It’s kind of like having Dr Evil for a father – never actually thinking about theatre that makes a wander along the promenade in winter come 4pm a what you want for Christmas and really obviously just buying things for timeless pleasure. himself. When did I ever show any interest in an Intercontinental Ballistic Look, Dad, thank’s for trying to protect me, I’m sure you think you have my Missile, Dad? All I wanted was a Playstation 3. The best part of the next best interests at heart from your perspective of the world. But sometimes year and beyond is then spent trying to convince us of what a great you need to take time out, take a step back to reveal what’s most important. present it actually is, while we sit there rolling our eyes thinking ‘I’m not The Climate Conference in Copenhagen starts December 7th that stupid’ Dad’.

2009 – please don’t let us down this Christmas Dad. The truth is, the best things in life are free. It’s just that sometimes it’s all too easy to get caught up in the stresses and strains of our daily lives so that Do you agree with Heather? comment@thelatest.co.uk we forget to notice all the wonder around us. Take the starlings’ aerial

VBites of wisdom

I

005_LS442_Social Diary

9/18/09

10:43 AM

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LATEST DIARY 05

Latest diary Tim Richardson snaps a gallery party and a credit-crunch defying fashion show

Street style The Unique Brighton Fashion Show in East Street was a fantastic celebration of the delights that Brighton retailers have to offer. Twenty-five retailers large and small came together in a feisty show of solidarity and defiance of the recession. For more info visit uniquebrighton.com

Famous Five (six, seven, eight…)

Mike Boyer Yvonne Coomber – exhibiting artist

Art At Five in Brighton celebrated their sixth anniversary on 4 September with an exhibition of three artists, mouth watering canapés from Moksha Caffè and wines courtesy of Barefoot. For more info about the gallery visit artatfive.com

Rokas Berlotazic Oliver de Trafford – Moksha Caffè Karolina Grabowska

Paola Calise – Art At Five Bill Smith – Latest Magazine Yolanda Cruz-Suarez

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006_LS442_newsphil/Council 1

9/18/09

12:35 PM

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06 LATEST NEWS

L7 News

7

days of headlines with Phil Mills

A host of new building schemes may be bad news for motorists, while it’s a dog’s life at last for rescued collie Taz

T

here’s a scene in Michael Douglas’ 1993 movie Falling Down where he gets so frustrated with being stuck in a traffic jam that he abandons his car and walks off.

The ensuing mayhem he causes generates little sympathy. But his frustration at being cocooned in a gridlock is something often felt by motorists.

It seems they will either have to get used to it or leave their cars at home. Before we’ve quite finished with Southern Water’s laying of new water pipes in Brighton and Hove, we’re hearing of a host of new schemes that are certain to raise the blood pressure of those behind steering wheels.

Starting on Saturday (27 September) we have the Labour Party Conference until 1 October, and while Sussex Police promise to keep disruption to a minimum, past experience tells us it will slow traffic around the Brighton Centre to a snail’s pace.

In the same month, work begins on a new junction and bridge on the A27/Lewes Road close to Albion’s new stadium. That major project will take 12 months.

Next is a plan for new hospital buildings for the Royal Sussex in Eastern Road with work starting in January. And now there are hundreds of student homes and a business school announced for the old Preston Barracks in Lewes Road.

All the plans and schemes will bring benefits – the Labour Party visitors will ring £10 million into local tills, the A27 bridge will bring a new Albion stadium that much closer, Eastern Road jams will herald a brand new hospital and the Barracks redevelopment will rid the area of an eyesore and bring much needed on-site student accommodation, and with it jobs.

But they will do more than that – they will create traffic jams and, in doing so, add impetus to the council’s latest car-free day campaign, promoted this year with the help of a pied piper.

The council is constantly trying to get people to cycle, walk or take public transport and the road works will certainly make drivers think.

The reality is that, unless we do, it won’t be just one motorist abandoning his vehicle in a jam but a whole host.

A pat on the back is due this week to the council’s animal welfare team. Taz, a border collie, was rescued from a life stuck in a flat with no walks and being over fed to the point that he weighed six stone – twice what he should. He now has a new owner, Colin Harman, and is back to a proper weight. Taz’s previous owner was fined and banned from owning dogs.

Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears has news of two big projects

I

know that Councils up and down the country have suffered as a result of the severe economic downturn and we were no exception when funding for the King Alfred project fell through last year. However, at last week’s Cabinet meeting we had some good news to report on two big city projects.

Firstly, we signed off the final business case for the new Falmer Academy school. This paves the way for building work to begin in October/November in readiness for the scheduled opening for the new academic year next September. This is really exciting news for children, parents and staff at the school and, indeed, for the whole community whom I’m sure will all benefit enormously from the new facilities. The Academy will serve one of the most

Is local building work giving you road rage? comment@thelatest.co.uk

latest inbox comment@thelatest.co.uk Hi Dani – Thanks for the name and shame poop piece. Perhaps you could make it a regular feature.

There is a dog owner very close to where I live who exercises his dog every night leaving giant cylindrical turds scattered around the pavement like a scatological Stonehenge. I haven’t managed to catch them but I have taped up a flyer offering to come and dump on his/her doorstep if they would care to leave an address. Feel free to use if you like. Best wishes, Dan, Park Crescent I’m thrilled to have recently been selected as a Regional Representative for Surfers Against Sewage (SAS) in Brighton.

Throughout the country SAS campaign for safe recreational waters, not just for surfers. Here in Brighton the sea is used for recreation all year round, yet it has some of the worst water quality in the UK. I will be working towards tackling the water quality issues in Brighton, carrying out fundraising events and implementing local campaigns actions. If anyone has any issues they’d like to contact me about please email me at aaron.jennings@yahoo.co.uk Aaron Jennings, SAS Rep for Brighton

I know the last icecream of summer has only just met its sticky end, but we’re already thinking about next year’s Brighton Festival Fringe. Registration for 2010 opens on 2 November and if you’ve got new, exciting work, we want it! Some of 2009’s top shows were by groups from Brighton and Hove, so sign up at brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk Kate Morrison, Brighton Festival Fringe You can also write to: Letters, Latest Homes Ltd, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House, New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

deprived parts of the City and I am hugely confident that it will provide fantastic new opportunities for the young people here to shine.

Secondly, we have been working very hard in recent months with our partners at Brighton University over the future of the Preston Barracks site on the Lewes Road. You may recall that, earlier in the year, we had to pull out of the previous scheme for the site due, largely, to the bleak national economic outlook. However, we have now agreed that the site should be part of a wider redevelopment on both sides of the Lewes Road as both the Council and the University are keen to regenerate this part of the City. Clearly, we are still some way off actually getting on site but this is a really encouraging step forward on what is one of the precious few large brownfield sites in the City.

I am also optimistic that in the coming months we will see further progress on the new Brighton Centre where we have recently appointed Make architects to work with Standard Life on taking forward plans for a new convention centre.

Progressing these large city developments remains a key priority for me as we start to see encouraging signs of emerging from the recession.

007_LS442_Bookings/Comps/Chart

9/18/09

10:19 AM

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BOOKINGS | COMPETITIONS | CHART

L7 Bookings

‘tricks’. His recent London run included a spirit chamber, a locked ancestral chest and an act of mass hypnotism such as he performed on live TV last Friday. Truly miraculous stuff.

On sale this week…

STRICTLY COME DANCING: THE PROFESSIONALS Brighton Centre, 29 April–2 May 2010 £15.50-£42.50, brightoncentre.co.uk 0844 847 1515 You’ve seen them spin the likes of John Sergeant, Phil Tufnell and Jodie Kidd around on the ridiculously popular TV show. Now you can see 10 of the professional Strictly... dancers (including Vincent Simone and Flavia Cacace, James and Ola Jordan, Matthew Cutler and Kristina Rihanoff) spin each other around on stage. Latin, ballroom, tango and more will all get a look in, as will a big load of glittery costumes, on their first tour – which kicks off with these dates in Brighton.

COUNT ARTHUR STRONG

DERREN BROWN Congress Theatre, Eastbourne, 7–9 March 2010 £27.50, eastbournetheatres.co.uk/01323 412000 Did Derren Brown really predict the lottery earlier this month using a magical formula of deep maths, automatic writing, crowd wisdom and fantastically snazzy tailoring? Or are we all just a little too eager to believe? Whatever the exact nature of his powers, Brown is the showman of our age (and a local Croydon boy to boot). And nothing beats seeing him live, when you can verify the lack of plants and wires for yourself – and, very possibly, participate in one of his

Theatre Royal, Brighton, 1 February 2010 £18, ambassadortickets.com/08448 717650 Steven Delaney’s inspired creation makes his Theatre Royal debut next year. An old music hall soak whose nostalgic lecture talks are hampered by spreading senility, mounting bitterness and a secret stash of alcohol, Count Arthur Strong has sold out Komedia for years on the trot. Now he returns to his spiritual hometown with a show including slides from his illustrious career – including his hilarious interview with Lawrence of Arabia – sorry, Olivier.

ONLY MEN ALOUD The Dome, Brighton, 11 December £20-£29.50, brightondome.org/01273 709709 The all-male Welsh choir with the really rather familiar name only won BBC1’s Last Choir Standing last summer – but they’re already plugging their second album of pop covers and trad anthems, Band Of Brothers, and have brought the house down everywhere from their hometown of Cardiff to Buckingham Palace.

07

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

Brighton Download Chart TOP 10 Latest 1 Jaybee – Brokeback Mountain 2 No Sharp Objects – The Wrong Kind Of Love 3 No Sharp Objects – Home 4 Jaybee – Oskar And Eli 5 David Simnel... – Flame Ignited 6 David Simnel... – I Hope We’ll See...

7 Jaybee – Miles To Go 8 David Simnel... – Tides Will Turn 9 Rubber Johnny – Fist 10 Rubber Johnny – Alzheimers It’s a welcome return to number one (and not for the first time) this week for talented Brighton singer-songwriter Jaybee with dance/movie crossover, ‘Brokeback Mountain.’ Meanwhile, last week’s number one and two by ‘60s-style rockers No Sharp Objects fall to two and three, as the irrepressible Jaybee pops up again at four.

Melancholy crooner David Simnel finally lights up the top five with his ‘Flame Ignited.’

11 Chaos Borne Watching

21 BoxBoy My Weekend

12 Chaos Borne The Moment

22 Jaybee Crazy Pearl

23 Patrick Smart 13 Mr Resonate Breach Of Contact Say What You Mean

COMPETITIONS TICKETS TO THE BRIGHTON COMEDY FESTIVAL FRINGE

14 Chaos Borne I Will

24 Patick Smart Neon Mussolini

15 Gordon’s Alive Taxi In 5

25 BoxBoy My Weekend

16 Lolatwist Pretty

26 Neon Mussolini Emotional For The Last Time

DVDS GALORE

The Brighton Comedy Fringe is here, with a stream of intimate gigs taking place at Upstairs At The Three And Ten. And we’ve got three pairs of tickets to give away. That’s one pair of tickets to the launch night (15 Oct) hosted by Robin Ince; one pair to see excellent comedy sketch group Sketchatron (24 Oct); and another for cult stand-up Simon Murnnery (28 Oct). The Brighton Comedy Fringe runs until 31 October, with shows from award-winners The Penny Dreadfuls, Pappy’s Fun Club, Clever Peter and more. For more details see otherplaceproductions.co.uk.

There are some cracking DVDs out this autumn, and we’ve got three to give away in one go. Fancy a comedy? You can’t do better than local thesp Steve Coogan’s much talked up anti-High School Musical – Hamlet 2. Feeling the nights drag in and want something to further chill your bones ? Watch the spooky Haunting In Connecticut, in which a family comes face-to-face with the supernatural. And for docu fans there’s Sounds Like Teen Spirit, which follows four lovable misfits to Europe’s biggest child songwriting contest: The Junior Eurovision.

WIN!

Q Who is hosting the Brighton Comedy Fringe launch night?

Q Which band wrote the track ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’?

TO BE IN WITH A CHANCE TO WIN,

EMAIL: competitions@thelatest.co.uk

with the name of the Competition in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date is Monday 5 October.

17 Caramel Jack We Could Build Skyscrapers 18 Clockworks Fairytales 19 Jaybee My Imaginary Friend

27 Mr Resonate Brighton Bubblin Feat. Lionheart 28 Moranimal Strung Out 29 Mr Resonate All That I’m Not

20 David Simnel And 30 900 Spaces Shake It Up The Pimpernels The Peccadillo Song SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos

SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC AND VIDEOS ithelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

008_LS442_Snap Shots

9/18/09

10:02 AM

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08 SNAP SHOTS

Snap Shots Photographer Diana Frangi captures the faces and places that define our city. This week: Mark Ede

“

Brighton is the best city in Europe. I wake up every day feeling like I’m on holiday. I don’t think there’s anywhere else in the world that can boast over 150 local bands of every kind and with real originality. That’s the idea behind Brighton Live – let our local talent have a real showcase. Oh – and make it free, so everyone in the city has a chance to enjoy them

”

Mark Ede, one of the brains behind free music festival Brighton Live (29 September – 3 October) on his way to rehearsals with headliner Johanna Harman. For more info visit brightonlive.net

have your party here! this week @ latestmusicbar tuesday sep 22 alan bonner + amity piano ballads from bonner+alternative acoustic folk from amity 8pm £4/3

atmospheric, affordable, available friday & saturday nights – or any night amy winehouse & the kooks partied here… now it’s your turn the one-stop party spot you make the booking – we make it happen tell us what you want – we provide it all weddings, civil partnerships, birthdays, office parties, business events, hen & stag nights

call angi on 01273 687171 or email angi@thelatest.co.uk and book the venue for free* *subject to conditions

Manchester Street, Brighton Tel. 01273 687171 thelatest.co.uk/musicbar

wednesday sep 23 band of skulls 3 piece indie rock band 8pm £5 thursday sep 24 ska bar presents wide eyed order + the junk + the meow meows for a night of alternative electroacoustic folk + ska 7.30pm £3 friday sep 25 poleoke – poledancing meets karaoke but without the singing poledancing class 7-8pm £10 & poleoke 8pm £5 the manjinga 7 live+the manjinga soundsystem djs

fusing ska, dub & hiphop, this 7 piece will definitely get the place jumping 10pm-late £6/5

saturday sep 26 private party - to book your private party, wedding or anniversary call angi on 01273 687 171 or bookings@thelatest.co.uk sunday sep 27 double trouble – lee tracey meets miss jason, an evening of sharp witted and outrageous adult comedy 7pm £7 over 18s only upstairs rory mulligan & the imaginary band + cloud shaper 7.30pm £3/2 monday september 28th rough trade the woo!worths+hold fast+breakin’ bear 7.30pm-12pm £5/4

009_LS442_celebcity

9/18/09

12:00 PM

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AROUND TOWN 09

SPONSORED BY

Celebcity with Jo Brooks Animal fanatic Carla Lane moves out, Colin Firth pays a visit and Nick Hornby falls for Bexhill

Pet’s palace T

op TV writer Carla Lane has finally sold her Sussex mansion. Carla, who is probably most famous for writing hit TV series The Liver Birds and Bread, is completely potty about animals and turned her Horsted Keynes pile into an animal sanctuary.

Carla bought the house back in 1993 and had the idea of creating an animal sanctuary soon after she moved in. She said at the time, “I didn't buy the house with that idea, but as soon as I looked out of one of the many windows of this place I thought ‘Wow! Four lakes. All that land. I know what I'll do'.

I was lucky enough to have a sticky beak at the house last summer when it first went on the market, as ‘im indoors was writing a feature about the house and Carla for a national newspaper. The house is set at the bottom on a long private drive, quite close to Gatwick, and when we approached I felt like Pip going to see Miss Havisham for the first time.

Broadhurst Manor is currently home to Carla’s Animaline Rescue charity and houses over 1,000 animals. I was pretty surprised as I entered the house as the animals were allowed to roam free all around the manor. Carla’s assistant at the time made us a cup of tea – assisted by the talking parrot and a couple of stray cats – and I even remember there being a goat in the hallway. I said no to a biscuit! I’m told that Carla will be moving back to her beloved Liverpool. But what about the animals I hear you cry? We will have to wait and see.

Mr Darcy comes to the Duke’s One of our favourite actors, Colin Firth, will be in Brighton on 29 September to attend the premiere of his new film In Prison My Whole Life at the Duke Of York’s. Colin, most famous for his roles in Love Actually, the Bridget Jones films, and for playing Mr Darcy (a personal fave) in Pride And Prejudice, will be attending the premiere to raise much needed funds for the Brighton and Hove Green Party.

I was recently introduced to Colin and his lovely wife Livia by actress Greta Scacchi at an event we organised to raise awareness of the depletion of the world’s fish stocks.

Colin is the Executive Producer of the film, which stars Mos Def, Snoop Dogg and Noam Chomsky, and tells the story of imprisoned political activitist Mumia Abu-Jamal. He will be taking questions (hopefully in britches!) after the screening.

FOND FAREWELL TO FLOYD I was very sad to hear the news of the death of chef Keith Floyd. Keith won a gong at the Latest Awards some years back and was fantastic fun on the night. Keith was probably the only person I have ever met who held his pint and fag whilst doing a wee at the same time!

Hornby’s surprise holiday home Author Nick Hornby has put on record his love for Bexhill-On-Sea. With all that money he must have made from his novels High Fidelity and About A Boy, he could pretty much stay anywhere in the world – but no, Bexhill it is. Nick apparently rents a house every year and likes to play crazy golf!

Spotted!

One of the coolest guys in music, Richard Hawley, and BBC fave comic Marcus Brigstock – who I’m told gave a hillarious speech – at the launch of Caroline Lucus MP of the Brighton and Hove Green Party’s General Election campaign at Fabrica. [Read Jeff Hemming’s interview with Richard Hawley on p16]

Have you spotted a celeb in the city? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

10% service will be added. Offer valid until the end of November 2009 excluding Saturday evenings and bank holidays. Only one voucher per table. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers

010_LS442_cheeky/stars

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9/18/09

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ONLY JOKING!

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

EXCLUSIVE!

Serialisation of The Death of Bunny Monroe For a fee of ten quid and a box of Cadbury’s Heroes, Nick Cave has agreed to let Bare Cheek serialise his latest novel. Enjoy Chapter one “Strewth!” Bunny Monroe launched himself out of his guesthouse bed and straight into his favourite trews – the black worsted ones with the faint red stripe. Red Stripe being, funnily enough, what he’d been drinking the previous night, which accounted for why his mouth felt like a Mongolian wrestler’s jock strap. He was a funny looking fella – a bit like that actor.

What’s his name? Ooh – you know him, he was in Wise Blood. Brad Dorif – that’s the guy. Billy Babbitt. Billy Bibbett. Whatever. Suffice it to say, he wasn’t as good looking as old Nicholas Cave. You can be sure of that. Heh heh heh. Bunny pulled up his strides, executed a shaky pirouette and made for the bathroom. He was thinking about things. Where he’d left his socks, what to do about his life, that kinda stuff. Entering the dunny the stupid bleeder tripped over a bottle of Body Shop mint and kumquat body lotion that some galah had left there and fell, striking his right temple on the cistern. And that was that, he was dead. Dead as a bloody dodo.

Next week: chapter two

Astral Angi ★ARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

POPULAR CULTURE PRIMER No. 27 – Doctor Who Originally titled The Alien Who Travels Through Space And Time Having Lots Of Adventures That Are Mildly Entertaining, Imperceptibly Humorous, And A Bit Educational, Doctor Who was originated by Sydney Newman, Donald Wilson, and C E Webber, and first broadcast on the BBC in November 1963.

Famously, 'The Doctor' regenerates, altering his physical appearance as well as his accent and personality for some reason. To date he has been portrayed by the following actors...

Moore Marriot (1963 – 65) Lance Percival (1965 – 68) Norman Rossington (1968 – 73) Alun Armstrong (1973 – 77) Dustin Gee (1977 – 80) Lenny Henry (1981)

Terry Nutkins (1981 – 83) Dustin Gee (Again) (1983 – 86) Ken Campbell (1986 – 89) Meat Loaf (1997) Mark Rylance (2005) Neil Tennant (2005 –)

LITTLE KNOWN FACT: A sequence in the 1976 episode ‘The Mind Of Death’, in which a Dalek and a Cyberman wee on each other, was included on the Voyager craft launched into space in 1977.

The Bare Cheek guide to things you used to get in adverts but don’t any more

No.2 – Knights

Astral has some seasonal sartorial advice

BARDSLEY’S WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

01273 681256

Arians must take advantage of the last days of summer by going out and doing something summery. And I don’t mean a trip to a garden centre.

No, go for a walk, a very long one.

Cancerians must also come out of their shell. Before you know it some gourmand will be attempting to dip you in the mayonnaise of life – even if you don’t want to be dipped.

★CANCER {June 22–July 22}

★LIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

★CAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

★TAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

★LEO {July 23–Aug 22}

★SCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

★AQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

★GEMINI {May 22–June 21}

★VIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

★SAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

★PISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

Taureans must also make the most of the last few long summer days before the dark nights set in. Go and buy a torch in preparation, batteries too, you never know when you might need one.

Geminis must learn to stand on their own two feet. Get out there and go it alone, right now is exactly the right time. Leave your imaginary friend at home and have fun.

Leos cannot wait for the dark nights to set in. Only then will they feel comfortable prowling the streets and terrorising all that get in their way. Claws in until then please.

Virgos must make the most of the last few days where the wearing of chiffon is acceptable. From then on in it’s away with Greco Romano frills and back to dungarees.

Librans may pretend to enjoy the good weather but they would never go out without a warm cardi and an umbrella – just in case. Right now Librans are in total torment.

Scorpios like the changeable weather, hiding from the sun then scuttling about in the gloom when things are quieter, plotting and scheming away.

Shame on you Scorpio.

For Sagis weather is of no consequence as all Sagis have reached the autumn of their lives no matter how old they are. Pull on a warm vest and draw up a rug.

Capricorns love the lush greens of summer and will now be entering a period of autumnal gloom. Buy flowers, lots of flowers and lie down amongst them.

Aquarians welcome this time of the year for the mushroom harvest. So far a lack of rain has made it late but when it comes they will be making lots of toast surely.

Pisceans love the early autumn and the fruits of the sea that come with it.

Game for anything? Why not pop to see Roy and Muriel at Bardsley’s and ask if you can see his pollocks.

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9/18/09

9:53 AM

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L7 interview

PADDY’S RETURN Glen Ferris talks to Cinecity’s new patron, red-hot British actor and one-time Brighton student Paddy Considine

H

e’s one of British cinema’s most talented and endearing actors, whether in bigbudget fare like Hot Fuzz and The Bourne Ultimatum or the acclaimed, lo-fi fruits of his friendship with director Shane Meadows – a partnership that has produced the likes of Dead Man's Shoes and This Is England. And now Brighton University alumnus Paddy Considine is joining a line of cult heroes in becoming a patron for the Brighton film festival, Cinecity.

In his latest flick, the Meadows mock rockumentary Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee, Paddy plays an embittered tour manager tutoring real-life Nottingham-based rapper Scor-Zay-Zee (and pursuing a guest slot for him with the Arctic Monkeys).

We caught up with the subject of more than a few man-crushes on the set of Blitz, a serial killer flick with Jason Statham. He told us about making Le Donk... in five days, improvising with the Arctic Monkeys, studying in Brighton and his desire to move back to the city.

There's a great bit in the film where Le Donk adds some lyrics to one of Scor-Zay-Zee’s tracks and entreats a bunch of random people to “Calm Down” Yeah, I actually sat up with the Arctic Monkeys and we just came up with a list of names. Shane bunged a couple in as well.

“It was in Brighton that I realised I had the potential to be an artist and that’s why it holds a special place in my heart”

Why did you agree to become a Cinecity patron?

I lived in Brighton for four years, doing a photography degree down in Circus Street, and I still have a real affinity for the place. I used to live just around the corner from the Duke Of York’s and I saw some really great films there. I think my fondest time there was when I watched Gary Oldman’s Nil By Mouth and you could hear a pin drop. Plus, great cake!

Cinecity is a festival for emerging talent – is that important to you?

Yeah – there are plenty of established film festivals out there but not so many that are specifically made to just showcase talent. I enjoy those more than the market place deals you get at some of the bigger festivals.

Talking about films from the fringes, tell us about Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee We made it for about £50 and shot it in five days.

It took a while to edit and get it in shape but it's very much an off-the-cuff creation.

Le Donk... is the first movie made under Warp Film's five-day film banner. Was it tough to come up with the idea, rehearse, shoot and wrap within the allotted time?

It was only tough in that we didn’t have a script. But we’re not strangers to making things up as we go along. We’ve made a tonne of stuff together, me and Shane, and we would literally choose a costume from a box of clothes and I would make up a character around it. Preparation is great, it’s very valuable. But it's nice to really think on your feet.

Did your time in Brighton affect what you’ve done since?

The photography course certainly helped with my directing career. I directed a short film [the Baftawinning Dog Altogether] and I’m about to direct my first feature next year. Looking back, it was during my time there that everything came together really.

I was nearly kicked off my photography course but I knew that it was really just a kick up the arse, so I got myself into gear. It was in Brighton that I realised I had the potential to be an artist and that’s why it holds a special place in my heart.

Do you visit often?

I was down there the other day actually, and I’m coming down again in the next few weeks with my wife and kids – we might live there, even. My friend is supposed to send me a property paper.

So you’ve actually co-written a song with the Arctic Monkeys?

Don’t give them any credit mate. I didn’t use any of their suggestions anyway. Well, maybe I used a couple: ‘Calm down Harold Shipman’, that might have been Alex Turner’s. No actually, that was mine, no-one’s having any credit for it!

Finally, are you aware of the whole Paddy Considine man-crush phenomenon?

You mean like a heterosexual man-crush thing?

Well, that’s interesting. God. I don't know what to say. I mean, I know something definitely happened with Dead Man’s Shoes because more people saw it and there is a certain kind of audience that it spoke to. I’m quite happy that I've got something in the locker that I can feel proud about!

Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee is at the Duke of York's from 9 October. The printed Cinecity programme is available at the end of October. For more info visit cine-city.co.uk. Glen Ferris is Managing Editor of Screenrush (screenrush.co.uk)

012_LS442_Steyning

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STEYNING

Steyning alive At the foot of the South Downs, this small but perfectly formed West Sussex town is busier and more buzzing then ever

I

t may only be the size of a large village but say that to a Steyning resident at your own risk. The pretty town of Steyning is one of the gems along the northern edge of the South Downs. Brilliantly by-passed, it avoids the rush of traffic and retains an idyllic sleepiness. But do not be mistaken, there is nothing sleepy about Steyning or the people that live here.

Architectually it boasts fine examples from across several centuries, from early timbered buildings to stately Regency piles. It also has a great range of local restaurants, cafés and pubs, many of which figure highly on the foodies’ map of the county. And to add to that, there are several local retailers who also contribute to the town’s reputation as a foodie mecca.

Steyning has a number of places to stay, too, and is an ideal base for a downland break with lots of lovely walks, and heritage sites close to hand.

Local amenities are excellent and well used by the residents. But the range of interesting shopping opportunities makes Steyning a great destination for a pleasant day out, combining a spot of lunch or dinner and some relaxed retail therapy. This is the place to pick up that must-have decorative item for your home; collect some great local produce to take home and cook that evening, and stop off for a light lunch or something grander should you choose.

Steyning, one of the county’s best kept secrets, is about to be exposed.

Local edge The Sussex Produce Company is named ‘Sussex Food Shop of the Year’

Unique gem Au Provence offer comfortable home furnishings with an individual flair Au Provence (Always Unique) is a little gem of a shop situated in Steyning’s picturesque High Street.

They offer an eclectic mix of furniture, old and new, painted in soft hues of grey, blue and white, as influenced by French and Swedish design. The stock, comprising of original French shutters, mirrors, chests of drawers, armoires and much more, is constantly changing. Visit the website, auprovence.com, which stays updated with new arrivals.

Most of the pieces offered for sale are unique, thus ensuring originality and style. They offer stylish accessories to compliment the furniture helping to create a comfortable and welcoming home.

Au Provence, open Monday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday 10.30am–5pm, 98 High Street, Steyning, West Sussex, BN44 3RD, 01903 813585, auprovence.com, info@auprovence.com

The Sussex Produce Company was officially opened in November 2007 by local lad Nick Hempleman. The local produce shop immediately caught the attention of vegetable guru Carol Klein, who is famous for her passionate appearances on the BBC’s Gardeners’ World.

Specialising in locally grown fruit and vegetables, Klein described The Sussex Produce Owner Nick Hempleman outside Company as “a simply fabulous his award-winning shop shop,” and the Sussex Food & Drink Award judges agreed with her when they named it ‘Sussex Food Shop of the Year’ in 2009.

The Sussex Produce Company, 50 High Street, Steyning, West Sussex, BN44 3RD, 07515 490754, sussexproducecompany.co.uk Carol Klein endorsing The Sussex Produce Company, Steyning

013_LS442_Whites

9/18/09

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WHITES BAR AND KITCHEN 13

White hot Local ingredients and a family business approach at the award-winning Whites Bar and Kitchen

W

hites Bar and Kitchen is a true family business run by owner David White and his son, George. In 2006, Whites Bar and Kitchen was opened following a million-pound refurbishment of the White Horse in Steyning High Street.

The renovated 15th century coaching inn has been transformed into a beautiful restaurant and modern bar providing contemporary dining and drinking in relaxed and comfortable surroundings.

In the warmer weather, enjoy al fresco dining on the decking or a barbecue in their garden. For the coming winter months, Whites is the perfect place to relax with friends, on comfy leather sofas alongside a roaring wood fire. For intimate dinners, Whites also offer private dining upstairs.

All the ingredients used in this award-winning restaurant are Sussex-sourced and the food miles of each main ingredient are specified on the menu.

In the bar there is a choice of real ales, cocktails and local wines with coffee, cakes and pastries served from mid-morning.

There is plenty of seating on two levels including a function room upstairs, ideal for corporate entertaining, as well as a conservatory for alfresco dining in the summer.

Whites Bar and Kitchen, 23 High Street, Steyning, BN44 3YE, 01903 812347

L7 COVER FEATURE

014_LS442_Hotlist

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9/18/09

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HOTLIST

L7 Hotlist Feeling peckish? Insatiably ravenous? These eateries and bars cater for all tastes.

For more dining options visit thelatest.co.uk Restaurants American JB’s Diner JB’s Diner is a quirky and cool nod to the classic American Diner, from the ‘50s rock’n’roll and the retro dining booths to the stars ‘n’ stripes flying proud as you eat your way through their delicious USA themed menu. The burgers are generous, fresh, tasty and available in many different varieties, the Texan BBQ and ‘Across The Border’ Mexican being firm favourites. Other top sellers include the footlong hotdogs and rack of ribs. Add a thick dairy ice-cream shake in many flavours (including Oreo!) and we have an American diner perfect for kids and adults alike, looking out onto the very British Brighton beach.

31 Kings Road, Brighton BN1 1NR, 01273 771776, www.jbsdiner.co.uk

British & modern European 9 Bar Café It’s rare to find a place serving great coffee plus exceptionally good food day and night.

This laid back, stylish new venue in Hove has achieved this in spades. Well worth a visit, they do the best chips ever tasted and appear to have already acquired several celebrity residents as regulars. Expect to pay £7 for breakfast/lunch and under £20 for a threecourse dinner.

9 Bar Café, 118 Church Road, Hove, 01273 721838, www.9bar.co.uk

Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

The Dorset A firm favourite of the North Laine, The Dorset is the best people-watching spot in town. This pub/restaurant boasts a friendly and lively atmosphere, with a varied menu of homecooked delicious food including their famous eggs benedict, Moules and fresh fish. Their Bloody Marys are very popular too!

28 North Road Brighton, 01273 605423

Koba Bar and Venue Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar Sunday to Friday with cocktails from £2.95 and wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards, including one of the ‘top 50 bars in the UK’.

Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

Preston Park Tavern A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers.

88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

The Restaurant At Drakes Nestled inside Brighton’s finest designer hotel – the perfect setting for intimate dinners or private parties. Awarded two coveted AA Rosettes through the skills and talents of head chef Andrew MacKenzie, Drakes offers

exquisite cuisine with the highest quality seasonal ingredients. Two-course menu for £28 or thee courses for £36. Five course chef’s menu £50. Private dining room available for parties of up to 12 people.

The Restaurant At Drakes, 43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com

Chinese Gars Restaurant This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French The Arrogant Frog Brasserie This beautiful seafront restaurant serves French and European food at affordable prices. The menu includes a full à la carte, £10 two-course menu and daily specials. Also live music nights and happy hour cocktails between 5 and 7pm.

Bring your Odeon cinema ticket receipt for a 10% discount any day and enjoy pasta and a pint for only £6.99 on Orange Wednesdays. From 5–7pm Mondays to Thursdays, receive a free bottle of house wine when two people dine from the £10 menu. On Fridays to Sundays, a free bottle of house wine for every two diners taking two courses each from the à la carte menu.

64 Kings Road, Brighton, BN1 1NA, 01273 721488, reservations@thearrogantfrog.com

Cocoa Patisserie Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. They offer a wide selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. There’re also beautiful cakes made to order for special occasions.

48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412 The Arrogant Frog

Check out Andrew Kay’s comprehensive Brighton, Hove and Sussex Food & Drink directory online at

New Steine Bistro This cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions is the perfect setting to enjoy homemade French food using local produce as much as possible. Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three courses, Sunday to Thursday, and £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three courses on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu available seven evenings a week. Open from 6pm.

10 /11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/restaurant.asp

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials.

Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day, and an Anglo-French cheeseboard. Enjoy the south-facing terrace with the two-course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868, www.legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian Chaula’s Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat. Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of The Lanes. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food plus a good selection of thalis and the ever-popular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national awardwinning Oxtail Madras. Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a wine list also feature.

42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824, www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Italian Donatello Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95.

16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk

thelatest.co.uk

Thai Sabai

Barney’s Sample the new menu – available until closing time seven days a week! Mainline draught beers/bottles and branded spirts for £1.99, plus fantastic cocktails only £2.99. With sixty seats outside, this is the perfect place to eat, meet and socialise in the sunshine.

102-106 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 1FA, 01273 720058.

Barneys@home home delivery service starting soon!

Chimney House With a stylish, cosy interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, homecooked food in the city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu includes locallycaught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a light lunch and glass of wine or a hearty three-course dinner.

28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708, www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

Chimney House

Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes and sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. “Sanuk!”

165–169 Princes House, Princes Place, North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Coffee shops Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with great-tasting, highquality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience.’ Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

To add your restaurant, bar or cafe to our latest Hotlist call Rachel today on 01273 818150 ex105

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9/18/09

9:44 AM

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STAGE 15

L7 WHAT’S ON

> Tuesday 22 September to Monday 5 October >

Dome run Andrew Kay takes a look at the stunning autumn season at Brighton Dome

T

he forces at work at Brighton Dome go from season to season and strength to strength. Following a fabulous Festival this year, the team continue to programme a vastly varied, and occasionally eclectic season of events that will surely offer something for everyone.

Classical music has its home in the Concert Hall and this season sees the return of the London Philharmonic Orchestra with the first half of their series of concerts. On 31 October, Alexander Vedernikov conducts Prokoviev and Tchaikovsky, and is joined by Pier Lane for Rachmaninov’s 2nd Piano Concerto. They are back again on 12 December under the baton of JukkaPekka Saraste with Brahms and Beethoven.

Some of us remember Ryuichi Sakamoto as a pop star but since then he has carved a distinguished career as a contemporary composer for piano. He will be performing brand new arrangements of his popular repertoire and his more avante-garde compositions on 27 November.

Local favourites Barry Wordsworth and the Brighton Philharmonic Orchestra also return with their season of annual concerts, starting on 4 October with Vasko Vassilev playing Tchaikovsky’s Violin Concerto.

The Dome is now the South East’s home of contemporary dance and we are lucky to be given a chance to see some of the very best companies from across the globe. This year Bonachela Dance Company bring The Land Of Yes And No from 6–7 October, exploring the human body’s ability to give shape to memory.

Following this, Vincent Dance Company perform a dark physical dance work titled If We Go On, a look at hesitancy and anxiety with a dash of black humour (4 November).

On 5 November, award-winning Brighton choreographer Ben Wright’s B group have a new show, About Around, which seats its intimate 50-strong audience in the round and enacts a sequence of events taking place over one hour.

The contemporary dance season ends on 2–3 December with Entity by Wayne McGregor’s Random Dance, combining a pounding soundscape with a staggering blend of light, bodies, technology and film.

Less serious but no less culturally important, we can all look forward to a fantastic Christmas season that includes Chicago, Brendan Cole and a fantastic Christmas family show from Tall stories. Them With Frozen Tails, a sequel to their smash hit 2007 production Them With Tails.

There is plenty more with music, performance and, as ever, a stunning programme of children’s events and workshops to compliment the season.

For full details go to brightondome.org or call the box office on 01273 709709.

Wayne McGregor’s Random Dance

Ryuichi Sakamoto

Stagelistings

> 4–6 October, see website for performance times, £9/6.

> Tuesday 22 September to Monday 5 October >

NIGHTINGALE THEATRE, BRIGHTON 01273 700747 nightingaletheatre.co.uk Cabaret On A Sinking Ship Satirical cabaret-play timed to coincide with the Labour Party Conference. > 26 September – 4 October, 7pm (4 Oct 4pm), £10/8.50.

THE BARN THEATRE 01273 597094 southwickplayers.org.uk Jerry And Tom A gritty, fly on the wall insight into the life of two Chicago hitmen. > 22 –26 September, 7.45pm, £9/8.

BRIGHTON DOME, PAVILION THEATRE 01273 709709 brightondome.org Mission Possible – Dads & Lads Move!

Five male dancers play out the rituals of becoming and being a man. Combining street, hip-hop, physical theatre and contemporary dance. > 30 September, 8pm, £12.50/8 CHICHESTER FESTIVAL THEATRE 01243 781312 cft.org.uk Separate Tables Terence Rattigan brings his social scalpel to the dining room of the Beauregard Private Hotel. Philip Franks directs a cast including Gina McKee.

> 22 September – 3 October, 7.30pm (No performances Sundays) plus occasional 2pm Mats (check with venue), £10–£33.

EASTBOURNE: CONGRESS THEATRE 01323 412000 eastbournetheatres.co.uk The Grass Is Greener Classic comedy from Britain’s favourite play-writing team of the ‘60s, Hugh and Margaret Williams. An impoverished English Earl risks everything when his wife falls madly in love with an American millionaire. > 5 – 10 October, 7.45pm, Wednesday and Saturday matinees 2.30pm. £13.50/19.50.

NEW VENTURE THEATRE, BRIGHTON 01273 746118 newventure.org.uk Intimate Encounters An interactive performance installation exploring the concept of intimacy.

SHOREHAM: ROPETACKLE CENTRE 01273 464440 ropetacklecentre.co.uk An Audience with Jonathan Miller Highly revered theatre and opera director Jonathan Miller has spent a lifetime in the arts – working with greats such as Peter Cook and Alan Bennett. > 26 September, 8pm, £15 THEATRE ROYAL 08448 717650 theambassadors.com/theatreroyal LazyTown Live!: The Pirate Adventure Swashbuckling singalong family show. > 23–27 September, Wed–Sat 5pm, Sun 11am & 2pm; plus Fri 1.30pm, Sat 11am

and 2pm, £14.75–£31.50.

Spirit Of The Dance Features dynamic lighting, dazzling costumes and stunning choreography. > 28 – 30 September, £16.75/21 WORTHING PAVILION THEATRE 01903 206206 worthingtheatres.co.uk Amor Flamenco: Puro Authentic flamenco experience, featuring dazzling costumes and sensual dance. > 2 October, 8pm, £15 Jerry And Tom

016_LS442 musichighlights_news

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MUSIC

Musichighlights

Music

> Tuesday 22 September to Monday 28 September >

With Jeff hemmings

MADE IN SHEFFIELD From the Longpigs and Pulp to a soaring solo career: Richard Hawley speaks to Jeff Hemmings

I

n serious ‘danger’ of becoming a national treasure, Sheffield’s Richard Hawley continues to win new fans with beautifully constructed songs that reach new depths of meaning and relevance on his new long player, Truelove’s Gutter.

It’s his sixth studio album since he left Pulp some ten years ago, and his first since the universally acclaimed top ten album Lady’s Bridge. “I wanted to create a piece of music that works as a listening experience from start to finish,” explains Richard.

“The tempo had to be consistent and I didn’t want there to be three-minute pop songs. That’s like placing a pork chop in the middle of the Mona Lisa!”

Always full of caustic wit, Hawley has little time for the notion of the so-called short-span generation.

“It’s insulting,” he exclaims, “...people have got more patience than the media would have you think.”

Truelove’s Gutter features an exotic arsenal of antique and unusual instruments such as the Cristal Baschet, the ondes martenot, a musical saw, the lyre, and the glass harmonica – a mechanical marvel invented by Benjamin Franklin, the man responsible for electricity. “I wanted to add an unearthly feel to the record,” he says. “My

grandfather was a concert violinist and when we were bored as kids he would go to the shed and bring out a saw which he would then play. It blew our minds...”

Hawley’s records are consistently named after Sheffield place names, past and present. His affinity with this grand old city is seemingly indestructible.

“It’s a post-industrial s**thole, but it’s my favourite post-industrial s**thole, “ he laughs. “The original city planners ensured there was plenty of municipal parks and it’s surrounded by 100 per cent greenbelt; take a short car or bus journey and you’re in the Peak District. It’s mainly the people I like though, they’ve got a self-effacing sense of humour. You know, tattooed bus drivers will say ‘Alright, love?’ to you. The only thing it lacks is the ocean but that’s about it.”

So, how does he explain his longevity? “I’ve been playing guitar since I was six years old but I didn’t think it would last. Having this ability to make music is something I never take for granted.” > Truelove’s Gutter is out now. Richard Hawley performs at the De La Warr Pavilion, Bexhill-on-Sea on Friday 9 October. Visit dwlp.com for more info.

FINK It’s all in the style and the delivery. Finian Greenall continues to entrance believers and non-believers alike with his gentle and rhythmic nu-blues folk that’s drenched in easygoing melancholia. It’s chill out music par excellence and while his formula has stayed essentially the same, it continues to find the target with ease.

Tuesday 22 September, Komedia WIDE EYED ORDER + THE MEOW MEOWS + THE JUNK + DREWVIS Four top local bands playing as part of Ska Bar, a new bi-monthly night that will also feature Ian Immediate on the decks.

The Junk are a promising skacore outfit who’ve been around for less than a year, and their debut EP, produced by Dave Chang, looks like it could set them on the road to success.

Headliners Wide Eyed Order are a seriously uplifting brew of ska, Eastern European melodies and jazz.

Thursday 24 September, Latest Music Bar KINKY FRIEDMAN Singer, songwriter, humorist, columnist, author, cigar company owner and possibly future Governor of the state of Texas, Friedman has been hailed a modern-day Will Rogers for his satirical observations, music and writing. 19 of his 29 books are outrageous mystery novels that feature a Jewish country singer turned Greenwich Village private eye named Kinky Friedman. He’s a musician, too, and for this gig he’ll be performing with a trio.

Tuesday 22 September, Komedia TALVIN SINGH Re-scheduled date from earlier this year. Singh is best known as one of the founders of the ground-breaking Asian fusion club night Anokha and the winner of the Mercury Music Prize back in 1999 for ‘OK’.

Although not a prolific recording artist, this master tabla percussionist continues to fuse Indian classicism with western pop, jazz and dance, particularly drum ’n’ bass. It’s always a spiritual occasion when he plays live.

Wednesday 23 September, Concorde 2

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MUSIC & CLUB LISTINGS 17

Musiclistings

Clublistings

> Tuesday 22 September to Monday 28 September >

> Tuesday 22 September to Monday 28 September >

F*** Buttons

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Brighton Dome, 8pm, £14/12 Times New Viking + Teen Sheikhs + 4 Or 5 Magicians Damned great US protagonists of the lo-fi ‘sh*tcore’ melodic guitar sound.

Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £tbc Wide Eyed Order + The Junk + The Meow Meows + Drewvis Electro-acoustic folk ably supported

by Brighton seven-piece ska-meisters The Junk.

Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £3

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FRIDAY 25 Legend To Legend Tour: Furious 5: Grandmaster Melle Mel + Kid Creole + Scorpio + Raheim + Dynamite + Kurtis Blow Hip-hop collective (inducted into the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame) return.

Concorde 2, 8pm, £15 Citizen Fish Ska-punk from Bath.

Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £tbc The Fab Beatles Perform The Beatles Greatest Hits Tribute to the Fab Four.

Komedia, 8pm, £12 The Manjinga 7 Genre-splicing affair comprising jazz, folk, hip-hop, African music and reggae.

Latest Music Bar, 10pm, £6/5

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TUESDAY 22 Amity + Alan Bonner Featuring quirky Brighton acoustic singer-songwriter Alan Bonner.

Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £4/3 Blackhole + The Plight Throats Accessible London hardcore kids with a nice groove.

Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £7 Get Back Guinozzi Fat Cat-signed quirky crosschannel electro collaboration.

Freebutt, 7.30pm, £tbc Kinky Friedman Country veteran blending self deprecation and strong songwriting.

Komedia, 8pm, £15 Lamb The return of the veteran ambient drum ‘n’ bass coffee-table conquerors.

Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £10

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WEDNESDAY 23 Band of Skulls + Lostaura + Kid Korandi Atmospheric quiet-loud rockers not dissimilar to Pablo Honey-era Radiohead.

Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5 Juliet Turner + Gentry Morris + Yvonne Lyon Straight-talking Irish singer-songwriter.

Komedia, 8pm, £12 Paint It Black + Ceremony Enjoyably bile-filled Philadelphia hardcore.

Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £tbc Talvin Singh and Niladri Kumar The British Asian musical maverick collaborates with this experimental sitar player Kumar.

Concorde 2, 8pm, £15 The Toasters Lighthearted New York ska-meisters.

Engine Rooms, 8pm, £tbc

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Thursday 24 Bombay Bicycle Club Straightforward, annoyingly catchy indie pop kids.

Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £8.50 Odemba OK Jazz All Stars Congolese rumba collective.

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SATURDAY 26 Los Fantasticos + Space Agency Prince Albert, 7.30pm, £tbc Pio Psychedelic Double Bubble Pt.2: Diagonal + Yellow Moon Band + Esben And The Witch + The Electric Assembly + Ben Graham Second part of this eyebrow-raising line-up of psychedelic acts.

Lectern, 6pm, £7.50 Time Crisis Club: Goalers Daughter + Traps Featuring London indie types Traps.

The Hope, 7.30pm, £4/3

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SUNDAY 27 Best Of Both Worlds Tour: We Are The Ocean + Inme + Spunge + Exit Ten + Mr Irish Bastard + More Like that bread that mixes white and brown, this all-dayer combines rock bands with ska and punk protagonists.

Concorde 2, 1pm, £14 F*** Buttons + Zun Zun Egui Massively affecting, frankly awesome psychedelic electronica.

Digital, 7.30pm, £8 Plague Of Ashitaka + As Winter Burns White Superior Brightonian metalcore.

Engine Rooms, 7.30pm, £tbc Ruby Turner Acclaimed vocalist who has worked with big names including UB40 and Brian Ferry, performs jazz, soul and R'n'B. Komedia, 8pm, £17.50

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MONDAY 28 Jamming: Lucy Checkley Open mic with performance by local singer-songwriter Lucy.

Marlborough Bar & Theatre, 7.30pm, free Lupen Crook + Murderbirds Underground London folk.

Freebutt, 8pm, £tbc Nick Aldwinckle

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TUESDAY 22 AUDIO Bright Young Things. Tight-trousered indie disco. 10pm–2am, £3/2 NUS BRIGHTON COALITION Latin Fever. Fine salsa and Latin rhythms. 10pm–2am, £3/2 DIGITAL Glitterati. 11pm–3am, £5/3 NUS FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE Cheese Room. Classic tunes and disco beats. 11pm–4am, £3/free NEW HERO This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! 10pm, £2 PAVILION TAVERN Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock and metal. 10.30pm–3am, £3/1

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WEDNESDAY 23 AUDIO Supercharged. Prepare to be stupified by the amazing technical ability of hip hop turntabalist, DJ Kentaro! 11pm–2.30am, £5/3 DIGITAL The Poundance. A mash up of your favourite indie, R’n’B, electro, house, classics, dubstep and chart tracks. 11pm–3.30am, £1 LIFE Club NME. Live NME bands and Brighton DJs. 10.30pm–3am, £2/1 PO NA NA Urban Chic. R’n’B, hip-hop, dance hall and funky house. 10pm, £2/free

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AUDIO Shameless presents Quids In. 11pm, £1 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE BangBang. Playing the hippest hip-hop, the freshest dup step and the most banging D’n’B! 11pm–5am, £1 b4 12 HONEY CLUB Contagious. House and dance anthems. 10.30pm–3am, £3/1 JAM Thursday Night Fish Fry. ‘50s R’n’B and original Jamaican ska. 10pm–2am, £3.

NEW HERO Pop Kraft. Pop with Boogaloo Stu and The Size Zero Albino. 10pm–2am, £2.

PO NA NA Secret Discotheque. Return to the ‘80s.

10pm–3am, £3/2

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AUDIO Braindead. Dubstep. 11pm–4am, £6/7 BRIGHTON COALITION Carnivalesque. Carnival capers in a club with art, fancy dress, oodles of cake and live performance to shake a sax at!

10.30pm–4am, £11/6 DIGITAL Stonelove. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll with DJ and bands. 11pm–3am, £4 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE Inside Out. Funky and Classic House tunes all night long with Rui De Silva! 11pm, £6/3 FUNKY FISH The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, ‘60s and ‘70s tunes. 10pm–3am, £6/3.50 HANBURY CLUB Mojo To Go Go. Top of the bill for swinging ‘60s psychedelia, soul, beat, boogaloo, ska and garage. 7pm–2am, £5/4 HONEY CLUB Smartie Partie. London's most famous house party hits the coast dolling out tech, electro and funky house tracks.

11pm–3.30am, £8/5 KOMEDIA Da Doo Ron Ron Presents: A Nancy Sinatra Go-Go Boots Special. Girltastic grooves 11pm, £4 from the late ‘50s to the mid ’70s, LIFE Daft Life. Alt.dance, indie-leaning house

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and firing electro. 10pm–3am, £4/2 NEW HERO Somewhere In The Universe.

Alternative electro dance party. 10pm, £5 OCEAN ROOMS Dubstep + D’n’B All Night Long!

Got anything better to do this friday?!

11pm–4am, free PAVILION TAVERN Kick Out The Jams. Bringing rock’n’roll mayhem. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 VOLKS Autopsy. Plunging you into the dark depths of the bass bin! 11pm–5am, £tbc

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SATURDAY 26 BRIGHTON COALITION Wired. Pumping house and upfront electro beats with a European flair.

11pm–4am, £10/8.

Followed by: Blow The After Party. Lose your head to underground house, electro and techno.

3am–8am, £7/4.

CONCORDE 2 Devotion All Nighter.

11pm–6am, £10 DIGITAL Hat Club. Quirky head gear and the best in filthy house and electro from Filthy Rich. I told you nothing. 11pm–4am, £10 ENGINE ROOMS Snake Eyed Mamas Club. Real deal psychobilly, rockabilly, surf, trash and sleaze. 11pm, £5 FUNKY BUDDHA LOUNGE Buddha Soul. With Juice Fm’s Mike Panteli. 10pm–3am, £10 HANBURY CLUB Boogaloo Stu's Pop Kraft.

Primary pop overload, wild uninhibited fashion modelling and yodelling plus outrageous party games. Delectable. 7.30pm–2am, £8/6 HONEY CLUB Sevensins. Big room electro, trance and house. 10.30pm–5am, £12/5 NUS. JAM EBoogie. E-lectronic Pop. 9pm–2am, free KOMEDIA Stone To The Bone. A sublime cocktail of soul, funk and jazz. 11pm, £5 LA TROPICALE Houseworks. Quality house music from across the world. 8pm–4am, £6/free b4 11 NEW HERO It is Still 1985. Alternative ‘80s night full of adventurous tunes! 10pm, £3 OCEAN ROOMS Something For The Weekend 11pm, £8-5 VOLKS Slackers Convention. Breaks, Beats & Party Nonsense. 11pm–4am, £5/4

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SUNDAY 27 HONEY CLUB Sundelicious. Lee Garrett and Salerno play house and soulful beats.

10pm, £2/1 LIFE Maxxi Soundsystem. Full on party soundsystem. 6pm, free.

THE OPEN HOUSE We Change the Frequency.

Global tunes from across the genres. 8pm, free

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MONDAY 28 BRIGHTON COALITION Trash Mondays.

10.30pm–3am, £3/free HONEY CLUB Disco Babe.

10.30pm–2.30am, £3/1 JAM Sessions. D’n’B, dub step, electro and house. 10pm–2am, £tbc Jaime Pettit

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EVENTS | ART

Eventspreview

Arthighlights

> Tuesday 22 September to Monday 28 September >

> Tuesday 22 September to Monday 28 September >

Made In Brighton Creating a snapshot of the city’s art scene, Made In Brighton features some of the best artists around including James Cauty, Modern Toss, Graham Carter, Chris Kettle, Hutch, Ben Allen, Andy Doig, Req, Maria Rivans, Mishfit, T(error)ist, Jim Sanders, Screenprince, Pinky, Mishfit and Sean Madden. The artists were given a brief that included work of a certain size and that it must be affordable.

Made In Brighton, Ink_d Gallery, North Road, 01273 645299. Until 4 October

What Are You Looking At In this solo exhibition, Brighton photographer and regular fringe highlight Sarah Boyes explores ‘the dynamics of human interaction’ through two very different bodies of work, straddling age and youth and incorporating some highly cinematic black and white portraiture.

North Laine Photography Gallery, Kesington Gardens, Brighton, 01273 628794.

Until 20 October

Small Wonder Short Story Festival Small Wonder, now in its sixth year, is still the only festival dedicated to the art of the short story in the UK. This year’s programme is an entry ticket to a global journey, with writers from Africa, the Caribbean, Pakistan, Bangladesh, India, Australia, Libya, Lebanon, America – and not forgetting England, Scotland and Wales. Festival events include writing workshops, readings, debate and an anatomy lesson from Will Self. Other literary adventures include The Short Story Trail, which entails following a hand-printed map around Charleston Farmhouse reading an illustrated Virginia Woolf story as you go, and Stories Under The Stars – hot chocolate and blankets included. Small Wonder events take place in a traditional barn at Charleston, Firle, near Lewes, from 24–27 September.

For the full Small Wonder programme and to read the specially commissioned short story, visit charleston.org.uk/smallwonder

Events listings TUESDAY 22 Citysocialising.com Meet new friends in Brighton and make the most out of life in the city. Book your place online at citysocialising.com Pitcher and Piano, 7pm, free

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THURSDAY 24 Chiddingly Arts Festival Now in its 31st year, Chiddingly Arts Festival is a small but beautifully formed event taking in arts and crafts, storytelling, theatre, magic and music Chiddingly village, chiddinglyfestival.co.uk.

Until 4 Oct

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Fraser’s Bar (upstairs at the Connaught 2 Screeen Cinema), 10am–3pm

Last chance to see the work of this acclaimed German artist. You want a kitchen chair (‘Fat Chair’), a ladder (‘Neapolitan Ladder’), a campaign bed (‘Campaign Bed’), a noiseless blackboard rubber and a green violin? The work here is sometimes abstract, elegant and melancholic.

Beuys Is Here: Sculpture, Object, Action, Revolution, De La Warr Pavilion, Marina, Bexhill-on-Sea, 01424 229111.

Until 27 September

SUNDAY 27 Baby Loves Disco The afternoon dance party for kids (6 months – 7 years) and their parents, featuring real DJs plus a complimentary banquet of healthy snacks.

Komedia, 2–5pm. Tickets: babylovesdisco.co.uk/locations/brighton. £8 (non-walking babies free)

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SUNDAY 27

SATURDAY 26

Apple Day Visitors can take part in activities such as apple bobbing and making juice on a traditional press. Apple cakes and puddings are served. Choirs, dancers and musicians.

Stanmer Park, 11am–4pm, free

Grand Standee Auction The Connaught 2 Screen Cinema is holding an auction of all their recent blockbuster film banners and standees.

Beuys Is Here

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Barry Surtees Using materials that might have been sprung from builders’ skips, and displaying an affinity with rusty hinges, metal cogs and sheets of steel, former builder and property developer Barry Surtees creates industrial canvasses inspired by Bauhaus, Russian Suprematism and Op Art. Barry Surtees: Another Life, Café Balcony, Brighton Museum, Royal Pavilion Gardens, 03000 290900.

Until 8 November

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COMEDY FILM 19

Comedypreview > Tuesday 22 September to Monday 28 September >

COMIC BOOM If you want to be on the QT for all the latest comics coming up the ranks, without taking a chance on a new act night, Comic Boom ticks all the right boxes; especially this month’s return from the summer break batch.

Not only can you catch Seann Walsh – as seen on Mock The Week, Chortle’s best newcomer 2008 and as Latest 7’s very own regular columnist – compering the entire evening, but there’s also the cream of up and coming comics, carefully vetted by comedy guru Jill Edwards.

A hefty handful of the great and the good from the new act market will be present, headed up beautifully by the fantastic award-winning Sarah Millican. Winner of last year’s if.comedy best newcomer prize, Sarah’s a regular on the telly panel shows and a delightful stalwart of this year’s Guardian Edinburgh Festival podcasts – bagging her is quite the coup. But then Comic Boom makes it a rule to bag the really quite sensational headliners.

Sarah Millican’s full length show will be on during the Magner’s Brighton Comedy Festival in October, so for a hefty taster from this awardwinning comedian, as well as the chance to say you saw the next generation of big name comics before they started selling out their own hour-long shows, pop along to Comic Boom.

Comic Boom, Thursday 24 September, Komedia, 7pm, £8.50/6.50.

Comedy listings bizarre and occasionally mind-blowing!

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 8pm, £6/5.

WEDNESDAY 23 Kill Cats Comedy Duo Andy Thomas and Rob Maloney star in this (‘Disturbingly wonderful’ – Fringe Review) character-based comedy featuring the likes of ‘70s detective Columbo; The Elephant Man and his new fitness video; Justin Timberlake tackling history; a man known only as Max, and a certain moustached dictator.

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 8pm, £6/5.

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SATURDAY 26 Krater Comedy Club Top notch primo circuit comedy from Greg Davies, Pierre Hollins and the lovely James Dowdeswell, compered by awardwinning the Stephen Grant.

Komedia, 6pm or 10.30pm, £16.50

Off The Cuff Improv Fast reactions and quicker wits are the order of the day with this twice award-nominated group of funny bones.

The Brunswick, 8pm, £6/4.

Laughing Horse Comedy Sajeela Kershi hosts this regional monthly night from the expansive South East promoter, along with guest comedians.

Quadrant, 8pm, £6/5.

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THURSDAY 24 Comic Boom Komedia's monthly night of exciting new comedy without the gamble! If.comedy Best Newcomer 2009 Sarah Millican headlines. Catch her while she’s still playing venues of this size.

Komedia, 7pm, £8.50/6.50.

Off The Cuff Improv Brighton’s brightest improvisers bring you an evening of the most exciting, unpredictable and frequently just plain mental comedy there is.

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 8pm, £7/5.

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Robin Ince Comic sage Robin Ince returns to Upstairs at Three And Ten. Sit back as Ince rails against ignorance, celebrates science, and occasionally speculates about his own neurological wellbeing.

Upstairs At Three And Ten, 8pm, £7/5.

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FRIDAY 25 Krater Comedy Club Top notch primo circuit comedy from Greg Davies, Pierre Hollins and the lovely James Dowdeswell, compered by awardwinning the Stephen Grant.

Komedia, 6:30pm, £12.50/10.

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Rabbit In The Headlights A hand-picked assembly of new and rising stand-ups take to the stage in this popular new-act night. Rabbit in the Headlights is often hilarious, sometimes

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People Vs Stand-Up Comedy Too Bright new comics, or older comics with bright new material, come to play this chilled out free Saturday night gig.

Moksha Caffe, 8pm, free.

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SUNDAY 27 Krater Comedy Club Top notch primo circuit comedy from Greg Davies, Pierre Hollins and the lovely James Dowdeswell, compered by awardwinning the Stephen Grant.

Komedia, 7pm, £10/6.

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Winging It Comedy Evening A new night of comedy with the best and the beautiful from the local circuit, rounding off your weekend up by the station in the landmark pub.

Prince Albert, 8pm, £tbc.

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SHOWING THIS WEEK 01273 626261

0871 224 4007

0871 200 2000 www.cineworld.co.uk

www.picturehouses.co.uk

www.odeon.co.uk

01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

TUESDAY 22

TUESDAY 22

TUESDAY 22

TUESDAY 22

(500) Days Of Summer (12A) 12.45, 3.15, 5.30, 8.15 Away We Go (15) 1.00, 3.30, 5.45, 8.30 Cloudy With a Chance Of Meatballs 3D (U) 12.15, 2.30, 4.45, 7.00 The Damned United (15) 8.50 District 9 (15) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15, 8.45 Dorian Gray (15) 1.30, 4.15, 6.45 ,9.15 The Final Destination 2D (15) 12.00, 2.00, 4.00 The Final Destination 3D (15) 9.00 Fish Tank (15) 5.15 Gamer (18) 12.30, 2.45, 5.00, 7.15, 9.30 Julie & Julia (12A) 1.45, 7.45 Sorority Row (15) 2.15, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 Whiteout (15) 2.00, 4.15, 6.45, 9.15

Away We Go (15) 4.00 (Silver Screen), 6.30 Casablanca (U) 9.00pm Mid-August Lunch (U) 1.30 (Silver Screen) Telstar (15) 11.00am

(500) Days Of Summer (15) 11.45, 2.00, 4.20, 6.40, 9.00 Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 3D (U) 1.20, 3.20, 5.20, 7.20 District 9 (15) 1.10, 3.50, 6.30, 9.10 Dorian Gray (15) 12.30, 3.00, 5.50, 8.30 The Final Destination 3D (15) 12.00, 2.10, 4.20, 6.30, 8.40 The Firm (18) 1.30, 3.50, 6.10, 8.30 Gamer (18) 1.05, 3.15, 5.20, 7.30, 9.40 Inglourious Basterds (18) 9.30 Julie & Julia (12A) 1.30, 4.10, 6.50 Sorority Row (15) 9.20

Dorian Gray (15) 8.00 31 North 62 East (15) 7.30

WEDNESDAY 23 (500) Days Of Summer (12A) 12.45, 3.15, 5.30, 8.15 Away We Go (15) 1.00, 3.30, 5.45, 8.30 Bustin’ Down The Door (15) 1.45 Cloudy With a Chance Of Meatballs 3D (U) 12.15, 2.30, 4.45, 7.00 District 9 (15) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15, 8.45 Dorian Gray (15) 1.30, 4.15, 6.45 ,9.15 The Final Destination 2D (15) 12.00, 2.00, 4.00,6.00 The Final Destination 3D (15) 9.00 Fish Tank (15) 5.15 Gamer (18) 12.30, 2.45, 5.00, 7.15, 9.30 Inglourious Basterds (18) 8.00 Julie & Julia (12A) 7.45 Sorority Row (15) 2.15, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 Whiteout (15) 2.00, 4.15, 6.45, 9.15

THURSDAY 24 (500) Days Of Summer (12A) 10.45, 12.45, 3.15, 5.30, 8.15 Away We Go (15) 1.00, 3.30, 5.45, 8.30 Bustin’ Down The Door (15) 6.00 Cloudy With a Chance Of Meatballs 3D (U) 12.15, 2.30, 4.45, 7.00 District 9 (15) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15, 8.45 Dorian Gray (15) 1.30, 4.15, 6.45 ,9.15 The Final Destination 2D (15) 12.00, 2.00, 4.00 The Final Destination 3D (15) 9.00 Fish Tank (15) 5.15 Gamer (18) 12.30, 2.45, 5.00, 7.15, 9.30 Inglourious Basterds (18) 8.00 Julie & Julia (12A) 1.45, 7.45 Marley & Me (PG) 10.30am Sorority Row (15) 2.15, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 Whiteout (15) 2.00, 4.15, 6.45, 9.15

WEDNESDAY 23 Away We Go (15) 4.00, 9.00 Mid-August Lunch (U) 1.30 Telstar (15) 11.00am The Private Lives Of Pippa Lee (15) 6.30

THURSDAY 24 Away We Go (15) 4.00, 6.00 Mid-August Lunch (U) 1.30 Telstar (15) 11.00am Rage plus Q & A (15) 8.30

FRIDAY 25 Away We Go (15) 4.00, 6.00 The Godfather (15) 8.30 The Thing (18) 11.45pm (Late Show)

SATURDAY 26 Away We Go (15) 1.30, 7.00 Shrek The Third (U) 11.00am (Kids’ Club) The Godfather (15) 3.30, 9.00

SUNDAY 27 Away We Go (15) 6.30 Essential Modernity (no certificate) 11.00am Mesrine: Killer Instinct (113m)/Mesrine: Public Enemy No. 1 (133m) (15) 1.30 The Godfather (15) 8.30

MONDAY 28 Away We Go (15) 6.00 Keith James: The Music Of John Martyn (Keith James Event) 9.00pm The Godfather (15) 2.00

WEDNESDAY 23 (500) Days Of Summer (15) 11.45, 2.00, 4.20, 6.40, 9.00 Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 3D (U) 1.20, 3.20, 5.20, 7.20 District 9 (15) 1.10, 3.50, 6.30, 9.10 Dorian Gray (15) 12.30, 3.00, 5.50, 8.30 The Final Destination 3D (15) 12.00, 2.10, 4.20, 6.30, 8.40 The Firm (18) 1.30, 3.50, 6.10, 8.30 Gamer (18) 1.05, 3.15, 5.20, 7.30, 9.40 Inglourious Basterds (18) 9.30 Julie & Julia (12A) 1.30, 4.10, 6.50 Sorority Row (15) 9.20

THURSDAY 24 (500) Days Of Summer (15) 11.45, 2.00, 4.20, 6.40, 9.00 Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 3D (U) 1.20, 3.20, 5.20, 7.20 District 9 (15) 1.10, 3.50, 6.30, 9.10 Dorian Gray (15) 12.30, 3.00, 5.50, 8.30 The Final Destination 3D (15) 12.00, 2.10, 4.20, 6.30, 8.40 The Firm (18) 1.30, 3.50, 6.10, 8.30 Gamer (18) 1.05, 3.15, 5.20, 7.30, 9.40 Inglourious Basterds (18) 9.30 Julie & Julia (12A) 1.30, 4.10, 6.50 Sorority Row (15) 9.20

Films showing Friday 25–Monday 28 Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times

Films showing Friday 25–Monday 28 Check with cinema to confirm film showings and times

WEDNESDAY 23 Dorian Gray (15) 2.30, 8.00 31 North 62 East (15) 7.30

THURSDAY 24 Dorian Gray (15) 8.00 31 North 62 East (15) 7.30

FRIDAY 25 Fame (15) tbc Surrogates (15) tbc

SATURDAY 26 Fame (15) tbc Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs (U) 10.15am Surrogates (15) tbc

SUNDAY 27 Fame (15) tbc Surrogates (15) tbc

MONDAY 28 The African Queen (PG) 2.00 Fame (15) tbc Surrogates (15) tbc

Away We Go

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GAY LISTINGS

Gaylistings > Tuesday 22 September to Monday 28 September > TUESDAY 22 BRIGHTON TAVERN Games Galore.

12pm, free CHARLES STREET BAR Two’s Company. Maisie is on recharge so Lola Lasagne is stepping in for a wild night of cabaret!

9pm, free LEGENDS Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace.

Bar open 11am–5am, free MARLBOROUGH BAR AND THEATRE Drag King Night. Relax with a handsome king.

8pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke.

12pm–3am, free REVENGE Sound as a Pound. ’80s, ’90s, ’00s, electro, pop, dance and cheese.

10.30pm, £1 THE BASEMENT Scene Queen. DJ Li’l Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome!

11pm–4am, free

> > > > > > >

WEDNESDAY 23 AMSTERDAM Student Karaoke.

8pm, free BRIGHTON TAVERN Wednesday’s Wine Club.

12pm, free LATEST MUSIC BAR Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing.

From 7pm, £10 LEGENDS Gabbi’s Fun and Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm.

11am–5am, free QUEEN’S ARMS Karaoke Star 2009 – 1st prize £150. Can you belt out a pop, rock country song or maybe a ballad?

9.15pm, free R-BAR The Midweek Shuffle. Brighton’s hottest new DJ, Zack Hadley rocks R-Bar with cheesy pop, chart, ‘90s dance and club.

12pm.

THE BASEMENT Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Dirty handbag and house tunes.

11pm–4am, free

> > > > > > >

THURSDAY 24 MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Open Mic Night.

Hosted by Lucy Checkley.

9pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS See Tues.

12pm–3am, free R-BAR Pre-Girls on Top Party. Verity sets the mood from 9.30pm.

Bar open 12pm–2am, free REVENGE Girls On Top Fun House. Ringmasters LadyBex and Smiffy doll out freaky pop remixes, trash and chart to a crowd of evil clowns at this one-off circus special!

10.30pm–4am, free b4 11.30 with passes, £5/4 after THE BASEMENT DLite. Regular guest DJs lay down commercial house tracks.

11pm–4am, free

> > > > >

FRIDAY 25 CHARLES STREET BAR Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies.

Bar open 11am, free CHARLES STREET CLUB Curiosity Lite.

Trashy disco pop.

10.30pm–3am, £5/3 DOCTOR BRIGHTONS Flauncy Friday. Filthy funky dance and house.

9.30pm–2am, free GHETTO Popstarz. Indie.

10pm, free b4 11pm LEGENDS Pre-Celebration. Pure pop.

7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Girl’s Night.

Two floors of mayhem with guest DJs. 8pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Camp Attack + Karaoke. Definitive handbag, commercial and camp tunes with DJ. 9pm

> > > > > > >

R-BAR Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free REVENGE Cirque De Lollipop. Clubland dance and high-energy party with a freaky clown twist.

10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after THE ZONE Krissie Du Cann 9.30pm, free

> > >

SATURDAY 26 AMSTERDAM Sun Downers + Late Night Bar. The best beach house music in town.

8pm–5am, free CHARLES STREET CLUB Mardi Gras. HRH Queen Josephine and Lil Alex.

11pm–3am, £5/3.

LEGENDS Pre-Ignition. DJs from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day.

7pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR AND THEATRE Queen Jo at the Marly offers fab funky house.

9pm, free QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Candi Rell + Karaoke.

Vocalists, comedians and drag (3.30pm–5.30pm). Then party with Kamp Kevin ‘til midnight!

Bar open 12pm, free R-BAR Kinky Classics. A pre-clubbing crowd get ready for Kinky Dangerous from 9pm with Dulcie Danger.

Bar open 12pm–7am, free REVENGE Kinky Circus. Two top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics.

10.30pm–6am, £7/3 THE BASEMENT Ignition. With the funky house and chart remix sounds of DJ Peter Castle.

11pm–4am, free THE PV AT THE JURY’S OUT Viva La Diva + Booty Call. Live music from 6.30pm, then a special guest DJ spins some body shakin’ summer rollers.

12pm THE ZONE Presents... Sally Vate.

9.30pm, free

> > > > > > > > > >

SUNDAY 27 AMSTERDAM Sunday Lunch and Connie’s Karaoke. Karaoke from 8pm.

12pm–1am, free AUDIO Sunday Sundae. Disco tinged classic dance and funky vocal electro filth with Kate Wildblood and co.

6pm, £5/3 GHETTO Nervous Twitch. Fresh krunked up electro fashion party.

9pm, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Sunday Quiz.

With Drag King, Jack Roquard.

7pm, £1 entry QUEEN’S ARMS Cabaret: Mandy Gap + Betty’s Karaoke. (5.30pm).

12pm, free R-BAR Sublime Sundays and Barmy Bingo.

12pm–2am, free REVENGE Rainbow Beats. Funky house beats with a Spanish twist.

10.30pm–4am, £tbc.

THE BASEMENT Fever. Disco and pop remixes.

11pm–4am, free

> > > > > > > >

MONDAY 28 CHARLES STREET CLUB Studio 150. DJs Luke and Ali spin all the best party tracks spanning the last four decades.

10pm–2am, £1.50 LEGENDS Dave Lynn and Friends. Hysterical night of cabaret from 9.30pm.

11am–5am, free MARLBOROUGH BAR & THEATRE Trans Night.

Hosted with the Clare Project.

8.30pm, free R-BAR Miss Jason’s Mad House. Regular cabaret night plus a Wii Zone and free pool!

10pm, free QUEENS ARMS Deal or No Deal Drinks + Karaoke.

8pm–1am, free

> > > > >

021_LS442_reviews

9/18/09

11:09 AM

Page 1

LATEST LISTINGS

latest7 show of the week

L7 Under review

21

Read more reviews of local shows online at thelatest.co.uk ABSURD PERSON SINGULAR Alan Ayckbourn at his best is blissfully funny and this production is just that. Six actors each worked the script for every last laugh without ever resorting to trickery.

The TV stars involved remained firmly in character, proving their skills, and Ayckbourn’s story, although dated, still has a poignant ring to it. The period was clearly evoked with great sets and costumes, too. Top marks to Matthew Cottle who stole the show with his brilliant portrait of the underdog made good.

Theatre Royal, 14 September ✪✪✪✪✪ Andrew Kay

FINAL CUT Dark and quirky seemed to be the theme of this month’s offerings selected by short film screening crew, Final Cut. The mind of a writer plagued by work demons; a social worker’s surreal visit to a bereaved family; an odd love tale pegged on excrement; a tripping cyclist’s ride through town; and five uncanny snapshots of domesticity (think reversal and idioms) – each ticked all the ‘different’ boxes with a capital D. Add in the one-off, longer screening of ‘Finding Esther’, a community film re-enacting a true-life mystery, a Q&A with its writer/producer and complimentary popcorn, and you had a night to recommend.

Komedia, 13 September ✪✪✪✪✪ Monica Perdoni

THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY There’ll be many who resent the new film version of Oscar Wilde’s gothic morality tale: its skirting over of the whole art versus life debate, its invention of characters, its stretching of timescale into a suffragette-filled 20th century. And they would have appreciated this old-fashioned stickler of a one-man show, in which Brighton actor (and sometime Corrie man) Keith Drinkel delivered a trimmed but unembellished reading from a leather armchair – no CGI

portrait springing to life here.

Unfortunately the story, too, failed to spring to life as the format leant itself better to the philosophy than the action. Philanderer, blackmailer, murderer – Dorian Gray may be many things, but he’s certainly not an armchair sinner.

Nightingale Theatre, 12 September ✪✪✪✪✪ Bella Todd

AVERAGE WHITE BAND/ JOHANNA HARMAN After a less than brilliant time on their last visit, Soul veterans AWB made a triumphant return to Brighton this week. A storming two hour set to a sell out crowd, who suffered somewhat in the heat of an airless late summer night, cemented the fact that, veterans or not, AWB remain the unchallenged King's of UK funk. The fact that two AWB members joined in with the set from Johanna Harman, a unique and compelling new soul voice, simply served to pass on the inheritance.

So much so that Freddy V's storming tenor solo on Harman's emotive rendition of 'I'd Rather Go Blind' was arguably the highlight of the night.

Concorde 2, 8 September ✪✪✪✪✪ Marc John

THE MAGIC NUMBERS Confident, cheery and as cute as ever, the four-piece played a blitzing set with proper passion and big smiles. Michele bopped big-time on guitar, Angela wowed with distinctive vocals, Romeo happily led, and Sean drummed his heart out. Trademark tunes ‘Love Me Like You’, ‘Love’s A Game’ and the gorgeous ‘I See You, You See Me’ were mixed with tasters from forthcoming album Those The Brokes, which promises to be a classic. Fab fellow psychedelic and country act Danny And The Champions Of The World supported, at one point joining them for a moving rendition of the Bob Dylan classic ‘I Shall Be Released’: beautiful.

Concorde 2, 15 September ✪✪✪✪✪ Monica Perdoni

Disagree with our verdict on one of these shows? comment@thelatest.co.uk

SEA OF STORIES RED SEA FISH Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome, 17 September ✪✪✪✪✪

“R

ight, let the freak show commence" barked Ray White as his devoted son put the finishing touches to his 'going out' look: hat, gloves, overcoat, a face thickly whitedout with cream... and this in the suffocating heat of summer.

Ray, the aging anti-hero of Matt Wilkinson's new play, has a rare allergy to sunlight. As it transpired over two over-long acts, he also has one hell of a backstory.

It's easy to see why Red Sea Fish, a three-hander from popular Brighton company Two Bins that premiered in Brighton last week, has been chosen to open New York's Brits Off Broadway season in November.

The dynamic between the chalk ‘n’ cheese father and son is as engagingly East End-English as Steptoe And Son – while Ray (Tim Blissett) verbally abused mugs of green tea and relished the Times obituaries which he hoarded in a pile by his chair, his son Terry (Matthew Houghton) cooked, hoovered, padded timidly about in his Everlast tracksuit and quietly devoured the colour supplement travel features.

Their dialogue was brilliantly

observed, the two leads were great, and Ray is certainly good for an edgy laugh.

But the plot is confused and cluttered. Was Ray really ‘The Count’, an enigmatic gang chief who stole his future-wife away from a host of admirers? Or merely a driver in another's Firm, who bundled his free-spirited lover into marriage, motherhood and life in an isolated seafront tower block, driving her to suicide in the process?

Come to that, is his skin disorder real, or a means to control his son and keep the real world out?

The arrival of Terry's runaway friend Karen (Janna Fox), reminding Ray of his lost wife and finally turning son against father, further muddied the waters – although it did lead to some beautiful direction from Frank McCabe as the parentless young woman at last found a home in the older man's lap.

What a shame it all had to end in a flood of playwriting cliché as, in the final moments, Ray pulled back the curtains to reveal – figuratively, metaphorically and, yes, literally – the light of truth.

Bella Todd

>Latest 7 is expanding its live reviews team… ...and we are on the look out for volunteers. Do you have a way with words, a free evening or two and a passion for theatre, music, comedy or dance?

Send two 100 word samples of your reviewing style to bella@thelatest.co.uk The Magic Numbers

022_LS442_Sports/TV_Column

22

9/18/09

9:49 AM

Page 2

SPORT | TV

Telly Talk

Marathon Mary

With Victoria Nangle

In a new monthly column leading up to the Brighton Marathon, our jogging correspondant bites the bullet and signs herself up

Born in the USA Harper’s Island, BBC3 Sun; CSI: Miami, Five Tues

W

W

Pic: Hannah Brackenbury

hen I was 17, my friends signed me up for a cross country race for a joke. I never used to go to sports day, preferring to hang about in town, smoking roll-ups and listening to boys with greasy hair play guitar. I was the antithesis of a sporty teenager. I couldn’t run, I couldn't hit any kind of ball or shuttlecock with any kind of bat or racquet, and the PE teachers had long despaired of me. In the end, they took me off the register and I’d sit in the library reading books about equally lethargic and unhealthy poets. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than cross country – even though it was probably only 2k. I had to beg the teacher, who thought it was funny, to let me off.

For the next decade, that was the closest I came to running more than 100 metres. I joined a gym in 2005, but only ever jogged on the spot. Whenever I tried it outside I had a wheezing fit. I genuinely believed I was physiologically incapable of running. My legs were too short, I was too top-heavy and I had the lung capacity of a chain-smoking beagle.

Then, last year, I did something that surprised everyone who knows me.

I signed up for the Women's Refuge Project 8k.

The first time I ran a kilometre, as usual, I ended up a red-faced, sweaty mess. But I did it again two days later and I got further. After eight weeks of painful training I completed the race and ran five miles for the first time in my life on one of the coldest, wettest and windiest days of the year.

It felt brilliant. I was fitter than I had ever been, while eating more and staying slim. I was hooked.

Two weeks afterwards, a friend conned me into signing up for the Sussex Beacon Half Marathon. Thirteen miles sounded insurmountable – but then, so had 8k. I was in. Over four months, with coaching from Rachael Woolston of Fitbitch Boot Camps (fitbitchbootcamp.blogspot.com), I upped the distances I was running to nine or ten miles.

Then, with two days to go, I caught a cold. There was no way I was running with a snotty nose – so I did another half marathon the following week instead. I might have come 808th out of 900, with the Nordic walkers not far behind – but I was happy.

Now I'm signing up for Brighton Marathon. I don't feel like I could run 26 miles, but I used to think I couldn't run for a bus. I'm going to give it a damn good try – and, if I can do it, anyone can.

The inaugural Brighton Marathon will take place on 18 April 2010.

Entry closes on 31 October, with a limited number of places available at 9am on 1 November on a first come first served basis. To register visit brightonmarathon.co.uk.

YOUR WEEKLY TV GUIDE 22 – 28 SEPTEMBER

L7 TV

L7 Sport

ith each episode knowingly titled after the noise made by one of the killings featured therein, Harper’s Island is upfront about the fact that it consists – in essense – of beautiful people killing each other. Nice.

It’s as addictive as Dawson’s Creek with a machete in each hand, and this Sunday’s episode hits the midway mark with episodes ‘Thwack’ and ‘Sploosh’.

The rich daddy of the bride appears to be slowly coming around to his son-in-law to be and, as the wedding party that initiated this whodunnit on a forest island grows smaller by the week, he may find he has to settle for the last man standing. Only one sheriff seems to be on the case. Murder She Wrote never had this much blood splatter.

This week the number of disappearances that have occurred since episode one finally starts to generate suspicion amongst the characters. Having dropped like flies for four episodes, they suddenly start to notice the gaps appearing in their line-up when they get together for the wedding rehearsal.

This is fab. With plots that would do any US daytime soap proud and an ingenuity in the killings that wouldn’t go amiss amongst the grisly offerings from Hammer Horror’s heyday, this is good quality trash, and Harper’s Island knows it. The thirteen-part murder mystery is instantly digestible and ready to launch hearthrobs from it’s brief and finite run.

Conversely, this week’s CSI:Miami has plenty of staying power, exploring its second wind in goodness knows how many series as bigwig Horatio’s nemesis Ivan the

Terrible Russian returns to the scene.

Yes, it’s still violent crime, but unlike Harper’s Island it’s less about the ‘violent’ and more about the ‘crime’.

CSI... has been going for some time now and continues to split viewers.

Some love the methodical science of the investigation, and the beginningmiddle-end approach to storytelling which means unresolved crimes are few and far between. The messy long-game form of other US imports such as The Wire and The Shield demands more dedication and viewing fidelity, but they have seen their complex storylines pay off in viewing figures.

Clearly CSI: Miami is after the same longterm investment in character, as Delko looks longingly over at Calleigh, Ivan mutters accented threats at the slow-butmeaningfully-spoken Horatio, and Wolfe gets into fisticuffs on behalf of his sponsor. But the case is still neatly wrapped up by the end of the episode, allowing for the fickle viewer to be just as satisfied.

Telly from the USA is A-okay – fully aware of our short attention spans and need for beautiful people. They do it well. We do normal-looking people in decade-long sagas well. It’s why they import EastEnders.

023_LS442_TV_Tues

9/18/09

11:48 AM

Page 1

tuesday 22 Lost Land Of The Volcano BBC1, 9pm If you like your documentaries with action, the BBC’s been paying attention. Steve Backshall heads up a team descending into a crater of a giant extinct volcano in the jungle of New Guinea. It’s practically King Solomon country – discovering new species an’ all, including a rat as big as a cat.

Huge cheese needed to catch it.

To Catch A Paedophile ITV1, 10.35pm This is not meant to get torches burning and pitchforks shaking; it’s more a reassurance that detectives are on the case. Child protection expert Mark Williams presents this, the first of two programmes, following officers in the Met’s Paedophile Unit as they trawl online and expose the tricks tried to get closer to children.

Quentin Tarantino On Inglourious Basterds Film4, 4.05pm The mainstream’s favourite indie director has had a fair bit of comment on his latest offering – a fantastical blockbuster of a World War II movie featuring a group of Americans scalping Nazis as just one of its stories.

Get his take on what it’s all about and why he loves it.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.45 Bernard 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Raven 4.35 Blue Peter 4.55 MySay 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.00am Chidlren’s television 8.00 Trapped 8.30 LazyTown Extra 8.40 Postman Pat: SDS 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko!

Toto! 10.30 Pingu 10.35 In The Night Garden 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00 Animal Park 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Monk 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman returns with all the backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing.

7.00 Victorian Farm Historical observational documentary series following a team who live the life of Victorian farmers for a year. Probably a mixture of ‘Ow!’ and ‘hungry!’

8.00 Masterchef The Professionals The three chefs who earnt the right to cook for the legendary Michel Roux face one final test: to recreate two classic dishes of Coq au Vin and Plum Clafoutis. Yum, yum, yum.

9.00 The Choir: Unsung Town Nearing the end of his project in the Hertfordshire housing estate of South Oxhey, choirmaster Gareth Malone sets out on a grand venture to get the whole community behind his project.

10.00 Later Live... With Jools Holland Joining Jools is East London’s king of pop Dizee Rascal.

Plus Editors, Gang Of Four and Beverley Knight.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference Highlights of the Liberal Democrats’ annual conference in Bournemouth.

11.50 Last Chance To See Repeat of Sunday’s show.

12.50am BBC News

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00am Sali Mali 6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Year Dot Television 10.00 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.30 The Farm Revealed 11.00 Day I Got The Sack 11.30 Teen Taboos 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 What’s In A Word?

12.50 It’s Me Or The Dog 1.20 FILM: Local Hero (1983) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 8.15am Children’s television 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 Build A New Life In The Country 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Nick Baker’s Weird Creatures 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visits 3.00 The Family Recipe 3.10 FILM: More Than Meets The Eye: The Joan Brock Story (2003) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Belle is laid to rest. Get ready to cry.

6.30 Live From Studio Five 7.30 Monkey Life Series following the inhabitants of Dorset’s Monkey World Ape Rescue Centre. Ook. 8.00 Big, Bigger, Biggest This edition studies the leaps in structural technology that led to the development of the world’s largest free-standing dome – the Kyushu Oil Dome in Oita, Japan.

9.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama series based on the work of forensic investigators. The CSIs investigate the murder of a wealthy racehorse owner. As the case unravels, it seems that a Russian gangster could be involved. Horatio’s favourite person.

10.00 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. The CSIs piece together a human jigsaw when the body parts of a murdered wrestling coach are found all over the city. Ugh. Messy.

11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. When a bomb blast destroys the lobby of a Vegas business building, Grissom must contend with an eager security guard who is also a prime suspect.

12.00am The FBI Files 12.50 Golf European Challenge Tour 1.40 Golf Seniors Tour 2.30 IndyCar 3.20 BUPA Great Yorkshire And Capital Runs 4.30 Cricket On Five 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Irish Football 10.30 SPL Round-Up 11.00 History Of The ICC Champions Trophy 1.00pm LIVE Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy 10.00 Revista De La Liga 11.00 On The Line 11.30 Hyundai A League 12.00am Football: Carling Cup 1.30 Revista De La Liga 2.30 On The Line 3.00 Football Asia 3.30 Football: Carling Cup 5.00 Revista De La Liga Season Review

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders The Mitchell women hold firm against Archie, but he is not done with yet. Rather like the big bad wolf against the three little pigs. Attractive pigs of course.

8.00 Holby City Michael tries to assert himself by stealing Connie’s thunder over robotic surgery. Maria tries to get used to the idea of being paralysed, while Penny manages to wangle a day on AAU. 9.00 Lost Land Of The Volcano See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The World’s Strictest Parents Unruly British teenagers Lizzie and Stefan must spend a week with the Adegas, a middle class, Christian family in Ghana.

Relationships are forbidden, and children must do household chores before school. No gum then.

11.35 Film 2009 With Jonathan Ross Featuring husband and wife Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connelly who play Mr and Mrs Charles Darwin in new release Creation. In the studio Jonathan is joined by Michael Palin.

12.05am FILM: Brazil (1985) 2.20 Weatherview 2.25 Sign Zone: See Hear 2.55 Rivers With Griff Rhys Jones 3.55 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 4.40 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Cain is furious to find Michael with Debbie. That’s one daddy you don’t want on yer back.

7.30 Grimefighters Series following the daily lives of Britain’s clean up teams. Suicide Sid has to clear a house of horrors – complete with a rotting rat. Sounds like one warped children’s alliterative reading book.

8.00 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Ten hopeful contestants compete for a place opposite Chris Tarrant and the chance to walk away with the top prize. That would be the moolah.

9.00 The Fixer Crime drama. When a suspected serial killer and rapist resurfaces, Rose has to revisit a case that cost her her career in the police – and this time she is determined to win. But she becomes involved in a dangerous sexual game with a man who has his own score to settle.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 To Catch A Paedophile See highlights.

11.35 In Plain Sight Drama. Mary finds herself in charge of the care of three children when their mother takes up with an unsuitable beau.

12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.20 Guinness Premiership Rugby 2.15 Loose Women 3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Steph forgets Fernando’s birthday. Uh oh.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 River Cottage: Gone Fishing Hugh returns home to the West Country to talk to the most progressive local fishermen.

9.00 Jamie’s American Road Trip Jamie Oliver hunts alligators and cooks gumbo in Louisiana. Bet they don’t have a recipe for that in the River Cottage Cookbook.

10.00 The Big Food Fight Food quiz hosted by Sue Perkins. Hugh Fearnley-Wittingstall takes on Heston Blumenthal, while Patsy Kensit and Ben Miller are the celebrity guests.

10.35 The Real Housewives Of New Jersey Reality series. Teresa is busy juggling her daughter’s acting career and trying to move house.

11.35 Coming Up: Raising Baby Rio Drama about a father who struggles to raise his son.

12.05am Full Tilt Poker Late Night Poker 1.05 FIA GT3 Championship 1.35 Gillette World Sport 2.00 The Cooper Tyres British Formula 3 International Series 2.25 The McCain Track And Field Show 2.55 Rat Race Urban Adventure 3.20 Brain Cell: BG Energy Challenge 3.45 Grudge Match 4.00 We Are From...(x4) 5.00 Animated Bible Stories (x5) 5.50 Making It (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 British Carp Angling Championships 9.00 The Irish Golfer 9.30 Elite League Speedway 11.30 Formula Kart Stars 12.00pm British Carp Angling Championships 1.00 Irish Football 2.30 Netbusters 3.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 4.00 SPL Round-Up 4.30 NFL - Total Access 5.30 Football Asia 6.00 On The Line 6.30 Revista De La Liga 7.30 LIVE: Carling Cup Football 10.00 Poker Million 11.30 Max Power 12.00am Ladies Euro Tour Golf 2.00 Asian Tour Golf 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.30am Sportnation 7.30 Extra Time 8.00 British Carp Angling Championships 9.00 Bowls 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sportnation 1.00 British Carp Angling Championships 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Wild Spirits 3.00 Elite League Speedway 5.00 WWE Smackdown 7.00 UCI BMX Supercross Series 7.30 LIVE: Greyhound Racing 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Davis Cup Tennis 1.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 2.00 Bowls 4.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Bones 3.00 Lie To Me 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV (x2) 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 A Town Called Eureka 9.00 House 10.00 Justin Lee Collins: Ten Pin Bowler 11.00 Law And Order 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Underage And Pregnant (x2) 9.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 How Not To Live Your Life 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Don’t Tell The Bride 12.50am Underage And Pregnant (x2) 1.50 How Not To Live Your Life

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Tales From The Green Valley 8.00 History Of Scotland 9.00 Tweed 10.00 Scotland On Screen 11.00 Rab C Nesbitt 11.30 Early Doors 12.00am Scotland’s Music With Phil Cunningham 1.00 Tweed 2.00 Scotland On Screen 3.00 Tweed 5.30 Close

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 What Katie Did Next 9.00 Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie 10.00 FILM: The Island (2005) 12.45am Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie

12.45pm Heartbeat 1.50 Wycliffe 2.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Carry On Laughing 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Wycliffe 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Profiling Lynda La Plante 10.00 The Commander (x2) 1.05am Reckless 2.00 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes

1.35pm Friends 2.05 Gilmore Girls 3.00 Veronica Mars 3.55 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Ugly Betty 10.00 Running In Heels (x2) 11.00 RuPaul’s Drag Race 12.00am Rick And Steve 12.30 Scrubs (x2)

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 The Home Show 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Relocation, Relocation 8.00 News 8.30 Break In And Make My Day! 9.00 Location, Location, Location 10.00 True Stories: Pray The Devil Back To Hell 11.30 Location, Location, Location 12.35am True Stories: Pray The Devil Back To Hell

2.05pm The Malta Story (1953) 4.05 Quentin Tarantino On Inglourious Basterds. See highlights.

4.10 Can-Can (1960) 6.45 Le Divorce (2003) 9.00 Night At The Museum (2006) 11.10 La Vie Revee Des Ange (1997) 1.25am Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes (1972)

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9/18/09

11:49 AM

Page 1

wednesday 23 Location, Location, Location Channel 4, 8pm Fancy a bit of fantasy house hunting? Prices are showing the first signs of recovery, and Phil and Kirstie are off to the Peak District. Ah, the beautiful rolling countryside, connections to the big smoke... throw in a bit of sea and city amenities and you’d be sorted. Or live in Brighton. Lovely to look at.

Shooting Stars BBC2, 10pm Vic and Bob have only just returned and already it’s the penultimate episode in the series.

Boo! Team captains Jack Lee and Ulrik-ka-ka-ka are joined by Lenny Henry, Mutya Buena and Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, while the remarkable Angelos Epithemiou continues his quest to win a date with the blonde.

Trinity ITV2, 9pm Whoo hoo! Britian’s doing high spec glam and decadence with lots of beautiful people and it’s not a reality show! Yup, set in the strange and ancient Trinity College, a part of the fictional Bridgeforth University, a new batch of students are arriving including the distraught Charlotte.

Fab Charles Dance is head.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.45 Bernard 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Wait For It..! 4.35 Blue Peter 4.55 MySay 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.40am Children’s television 8.40 Postman Pat: SDS 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko!

Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 The Flintstones 11.25 The Flintstones 11.50 Lifeline 12.00pm Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00 See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 The Daily Politics Conference Special 3.30 Coast 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 5.55 Party Political Broadcast 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman returns with all the backstage gossip and behind-the-scenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing.

7.00 Victorian Farm Historical observational documentary. As autumn ends, winter-proofing begins: essential work against cold and frost.

8.00 Masterchef The Professionals Four chefs face a nail-biting elimination round. Better not add nails as an ingredient though.

Ugh. Should be yummy food.

8.45 Masterchef The Professionals More tasty competition.

9.30 Dragons’ Den Online Dom shows us some of his favourite raw pitches, including Daniel Reen’s Boxer Balls and John Borg’s safetyconscious wet umbrella machine.

10.00 Shooting Stars See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference Andrew Neil presents highlights of the Liberal Democrats’ annual conference in Bournemouth.

11.50 Dragons’ Den: On Tour On the third leg of its tour around the UK, Dragons’ Den: On Tour heads north. Not so very grim at all up north.

12.50am BBC News

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.00am Sali Mali 6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Year Dot Television 10.00 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.30 The Farm Revealed 11.00 Day I Got The Sack 11.30 Teen Taboos 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: On The Ward 12.35 It’s Me Or The Dog 1.10 FILM: Gentleman’s Agreement (1947) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Dave decides that the Freshers’ Ball should take place at the Dog. That is one ill-equipped university.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Location, Location, Location See highlights.

9.00 The Secret Millionaire Property magnate Kevin Green swaps his large country home for a bedsit in Barnstaple, looking for local people and causes who may need financial help.

You’re gonna cry. Betcha anything.

10.00 Ugly Betty Drama series about an ordinary-looking secretary working for a fashion magazine. Betty contemplates making a change to help her family. She gonna adopt a brother of summit?

11.00 Dawn Porter: Mail Order Bride Journalist and single woman Dawn Porter heads off to the Ukraine to investigate the booming mail order bride industry, which sees around 4,000 men find spouses every year.

12.00am 4 Music: Florence And The Machine: Live At The Rivoli Ballroom 12.35 4Play: Taken By Trees 12.50 This Week’s 4Music Top 20 2.45 1300 CC 3.00 Reaper 3.40 Journey Through The Night 3.50 Salvage Squad 4.45 Water Stories 4.50 Countdown 5.35 Sali Mali 5.40 The Hoobs

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 How To Build A New Life In The Country 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Nick Baker’s Weird Creatures 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visits 3.10 FILM: Diamond Girl (1998) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Ruby is shocked to her core. Aden struggles to deal with Belle’s death.

6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh.

7.30 Building The Ultimate Today’s fighter jets are technological wonders. With engineers, veteran flying aces and today’s pilots – in cutting-edge research labs and in flight – the programme reveals the fascinating hi-tech journey of the jet fighter. Stick your arms out wide.

8.00 World War I In Colour Documentary series, narrated by Kenneth Branagh.

9.00 Farmer Wants A Wife Louise Redknapp assists Britain’s most eligible farmers as they try to meet the women of their dreams. Next...

‘IT Consultant Wants A Wife’?

10.00 FILM: National Security (2003) Starring Martin Lawrence, Steve Zahn. Buddy action comedy in which two LAPD rejects are forced to go on the run when they uncover a sophisticated smuggling operation while working as security guards.

11.45 The Sexy Ads Show Series examining some of the sauciest advertisements ever seen on TV. 12.15am PartyPoker.com Women’s World Open III 1.45 NHRA Drag Racing 3.20 Motorsport Mundial 3.45 Boxing Classic 4.00 Boxing USA 5.10 Neighbours5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Revista De La Liga 10.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 11.00 On The Line 11.30 Football: Carling Cup 1.00pm LIVE Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy 10.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 10.30 Boots ‘n’ All 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am Football: Carling Cup 1.30 Poker Million 3.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.00 Football: Carling Cup 5.30 Total Rugby

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers Food writer Nigel Slater takes inspiration from his vegetable patch as he creates a week’s worth of simple yet delicious meals.

8.00 Trawlermen Documentary series following the work of Scottish fishermen.

9.00 Wounded Documentary following the journey of two injured soldiers: 19-year-old Ranger Andy Allen who, in July 2008, had his right leg blown off and his eyes badly burnt by an improvised explosive device; and 24-year-old Lance Corporal Tom Neathway, who lost three limbs after moving a booby-trapped sandbag.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Wounded Documentary continued. Unconscious and watched by their families as they fight for their lives, but surviving their injuries is just the beginning.Not easy viewing.

11.15 The National Lottery Draws Delicious dosh.

11.20 League Cup Highlights Footie fun.

12.20am Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: The Frankincense Trail 1.25 What’s Really In Our Food?

2.25 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 3.10 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 6.55 Party Political Broadcast: The Liberal Democrats 7.00 Emmerdale Michael has a shocking confession for Debbie.

He only wants her for her mechanic skills? Vroooom! Vroooom!

7.30 Coronation Street Norris is distraught when he discovers the truth about Ramsay. Will Luke dump Rosie for Michelle? Probably a good idea if you ask us.

8.00 Midsomer Murders Midsomer University clashes with big business when science fellow George Jeffers threatens to go public with what he believes is a potentially lethal software glitch in a new air traffic control system. American software boss Clinton Finn fears he will lose millions if the truth comes out and puts pressure on the University authorities. Can you feel a murder brewing? Such a peaceful village.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Cops With Cameras Highoctane series in which miniature cameras fitted to police uniforms take you to the heart of the action.

11.35 Nightwatch With Steve Scott 12.30am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.25 Loose Women 2.10 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.05 Your Money... Your Life: Tonight 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Hyundai A League 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Pool: World Pool Masters 9.00 Davis Cup Tennis (x2) 11.00 LIVE Cricket: LV County Championship 6.00pm European Tour Weekly 6.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 7.00 LIVE: Carling Cup Football 10.15 TBA 12.15am Total Rugby 12.45 Boots ‘n’ All 1.45 To Be Announced 3.45 Powerboat P1 2009 4.45 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Asian Tour Golf 8.00 UCI BMX Supercross Series 8.30 Sports Unlimited 9.30 Pool: World Pool Masters 10.30 Poker Million 12.30pm Hyundai A League 1.00 Football Asia 1.30 Carling Cup Football 3.00 Revista De La Liga 4.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Golf: Euro Challenge Tour 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 DTM Motor Racing 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Asian Tour Weekly 11.30 European Tour Weekly 12.00am Golf: Euro Challenge Tour 1.00 Golf 2.00 European Tour Weekly 2.30 Total Rugby 3.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

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BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

1.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Bones 3.00 Lie To Me 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV (x2) 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Project Runway 9.00 FILM: Patriot Games (1992) 11.15 Ross Kemp On Gangs 12.15am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 FILM: Poseidon (2006) 10.30 How Not To Live Your Life 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Lunch Monkeys 12.20am Clever V Stupid 12.50 Don’t Tell The Bride 1.50 How Not To Live Your Life 2.20 Lunch Monkeys 2.50 Clever V Stupid

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Talking Landscapes 8.00 Munro: Mountain Man 9.00 Jonathan Meades: Off-Kilter 10.00 The Crow Road 12.00am FILM: Sweet Sixteen (2002) 1.45 Munro: Mountain Man 2.45 Jonathan Meades: Off-Kilter

12.30pm Planet’s Funniest Animals 1.00 Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Spain: Paradise Lost 9.00 Trinity. See highlights.

10.00 FILM: Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) 12.45am Coronation Street

12.55pm Heartbeat 2.00 Wycliffe 3.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Carry On Laughing 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 7.55 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Life 11.00 FILM: After Hours (1985) 1.00am Cane 1.45 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes

12.40pm Scrubs (x2) 1.35 Friends 2.05 Gilmore Girls 3.00 Veronica Mars 3.55 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Bulletproof Monk (2003) 11.05 Demetri Martin: Person 12.00am Scrubs (x2)

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 The Home Show 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Relocation, Relocation 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Time Team 10.00 Prince John: The Windsors’ Tragic Secret 11.05 Saving Grace 12.05am Time Team

12.50pm From Hell To Texas (1958) 2.50 Campbell’s Kingdom (1958) 4.50 Heaven Can Wait (1943) 7.00 The Family Stone (2005) 9.00 Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) 10.50 The Page Turner (2006) 12.30am Mona Lisa (1986)

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9/18/09

11:50 AM

Page 1

thursday 24 The Love Of Money BBC2, 9pm A lot has happened to our banks in the last year, and it’s not always been easy to understand it all. The final part in this comprehensive series explaining how the collapse of Lehman Brothers set it all off concludes with a look at how the politicians reacted and asks what can be learnt from it all. Piggy banks.

Teachers Channel 4, 11.50pm Yes, we know it’s a school night and it’s on rather late but, if you’re anything like this lot, responsibility won’t be high on your list of priorities. Don’t miss this second chance to see the light-hearted drama series of troublesome teachers, trying not to get caught doing things they shouldn’t do. Like lurking.

Off The Hook BBC3, 8pm This has been luke-warmly received, but make up your own mind about the fresh comedy involving university freshers.

Danny’s having a bad time of it; getting sexually harassed by his lecturer and finding Shane’s thrown away his photography coursework. Things can only get better. And they do.

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BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.45 Bernard 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Raven 4.35 SMart 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Deadly 60 8.30 LazyTown Extra 8.40 Postman Pat: SDS 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko!

Toto! 10.30 Pingu 10.35 In The Night Garden 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Animal Park 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Monk 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman returns with all the behind-thescenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing.

7.00 Railway Walks Julia Bradbury takes a series of walks following the old tracks, overgrown cuttings and ancient viaducts of Britain’s lost rail empire.Toot! Toot!

7.30 Escape To The Country Denise Nurse is in West Somerset helping a couple find a property with a business. They have a big budget of £1.25 million and want a fivebedroom farmhouse in a rural setting, ideally with a stream. Not much then.

8.15 Masterchef: The Professionals More competitive ways to make your mouth water.

9.00 The Love Of Money See highlights.

10.00 Mock The Week Dara O’Briain looks back at another week’s news with a skwed view.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Gavin Esler.

11.20 Inside Story Special – Chappaquiddick An investigation of the accident when Senator Edward Kennedy’s car plunged off a bridge and Kennedy’s companion drowned.

12.10am BBC News

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.05am The Hoobs 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Will And Grace 9.30 Year Dot Television 10.00 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.30 The Farm Revealed 11.00 Day I Got The Sack 11.30 Teen Taboos 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Property Snakes And Ladders 1.35 FILM: Memoirs Of An Invisible Man (1992) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x2) 8.00 LIVE Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy 5.00pm Total Rugby 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.00 Barclays Premier League World 6.30 Carling Cup Football 7.30 LIVE: Snooker: Premier League 11.00 Carling Cup Football 12.00am Barclays Premier League World 12.30 The Rugby Club 1.30 Time Of Our Lives 2.30 Barclays Premier League World 3.00 Carling Cup Football 4.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 4.30 Barclays Premier League World 5.00 The Rugby Club

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Zak decides to see if he can scam the Sharmas. You don’t know if you haven’t had a bash.

7.30 Countrywise Paul Heiney explores Britain, highlighting the best of the ITV’s countryside programmes.

Today, he is in Gloucestershire for British Cheese Week. Absolutely true.

8.00 Emmerdale Michael tells Debbie that he has chosen her over his fiancée. Scarlet hussy.

8.30 Coronation Street The factory girls are stunned by Rosie’s announcement. Flabbergastered.

9.00 The Bill Max and Jo are called out to an incident at Fran Morris’ house. They are stunned to find her being wheeled into an ambulance – and then discover that her 12-year-old son Noah is missing.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Billy Connolly: Journey To The Edge Of The World Billy Connolly continues his entertaining journey through the remote regions of Canada. This week, he travels from the Atlantic to the Pacific through the fabled Northwest Passage.

11.35 Surface Fantasy drama and undersea adventure series.

12.30am British Superbike Championship 1.20 Motorsport UK 2.10 The Cosby Mysteries 3.00 Loose Women 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks After the party the students hold a drunken competition.

How too many teen horror flicks start.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 How Clean Is Your House? In London Kim and Aggie visit Jagadesh who has not cleaned in over 20 years and now refuses to use his own toilet. What does he use?

8.30 How Clean Is Your House?

The duo visit Birkenhead to meet part-time housekeeper Janey who has not cleaned her own home in the 15 years since her mother died.

9.00 Alone In The Wild Documentary series following Ed Wardle as he is dropped in Canada’s Yukon wilderness with just basic provisions. As his health begins to suffer, he calls for external help.

10.00 Without A Trace American drama series. When a woman disappears after the police kill her boyfriend, her brother, a drug dealer, comes under suspicion.

10.55 Without A Trace The team attempts to track down a woman who disappeared in the aftermath of an office shooting.

11.50 Teachers See highlights.

12.55am Extreme Male Beauty 1.55 First Cut: Happy Birthday, You’re Dead 2.20 FILM: The Man Who Cried (2000) 4.00 Dispatches: Cops On The Cheap 4.55 Countdown 5.40 Hoobs

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The Wot Wots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 How To Build A New Life In The Country 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Nick Baker’s Weird Creatures 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visits 3.07 Zoo Days 3.10 FILM: The Awakening (1995) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Ruby makes a momentous decision. Huge!

6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh.

7.30 Inferno 999 Documentary series following the daily lives of officers from the Greater Manchester Fire and Rescue Service. Crews tackle a chemical spill at a factory. Ow, ow.

8.00 Megastructures: Built From Disaster This instalment examines how a series of tragic events at sports stadiums forced architects to incorporate a number of safety features into their designs for the arenas of the future.

9.00 Vice Squad New series following the work of the Metropolitan Police Vice Unit.

Officers risk life and limb as they go undercover in the heart of Soho to close down an illegal clip joint.

Elsewhere, undercover policewomen aim to catch kerb crawlers who are prowling the streets for sex. Makes them sound like cat-catchers.

10.00 FILM: The Fast And The Furious (2001) Starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez.

High-octane action thriller. An undercover cop infiltrates the LA street-racing scene in order to ensnare a villainous gang leader.

12.05am SuperCasino 4.00 NFL Replay 4.45 Wildlife SOS 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Bianca finds the courage to tell Ricky how she feels – but will it be too late? Is there a station? Can someone be stopped at it? Then it’s probably not too late.

8.00 Watchdog Anne Robinson, Matt Allwright and Anita Rani right consumer wrongs, tackling the big names and businesses letting viewers down.

9.00 New Tricks Crime drama series. The team reinvestigate the murder of popular DJ Johnny Deacon, who died on air following an arson attack at an ‘80s music station. With huge discontent among the station’s staff after the owner plundered their pension fund, there is no shortage of people who may have been looking for revenge at the time.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time Marking thirty years on air, Question Time returns in Bournemouth as the party conference season kicks off.

11.35 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil. A good time for politcal farce.

12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Panorama 12.55 Design For Life 1.55 Countryfile 2.50 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 3.35 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Carling Cup Football 10.30 LIVE Golf 4.30pm Football Asia 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 Total Rugby 6.30 The Rugby Club 7.30 LIVE: Championship Rugby League 9.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 10.00 Barclays Premier League World 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 NFL - Total Access 12.30am Golf Night 2.30 Championship Rugby League 4.30 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Asian Tour Weekly 6.30 Golf 7.30 Golf: Euro Challenge Tour 8.30 Asian Tour Weekly 9.00 European Tour Weekly 9.30 Total Rugby 10.00 Trans World Sport 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Boots ‘n’ All 1.00 Total Rugby 1.30 Carling Cup Football 3.00 TBA 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 Powerboat P1 2009 7.00 Golf Night 9.30 WWE Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am Premier League Snooker 4.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

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BBC4

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1.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 2.00 Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV (x2) 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Futurama 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Octomum: The 8 Baby Mother 10.30 Bones 11.30 Justin Lee Collins: 180 12.30am Fringe

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Off The Hook. See highlights. 8.30 Clever V Stupid 9.00 Tough Guy Or Chicken? 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Lunch Monkeys 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Tough Guy Or Chicken?

12.50am Lunch Monkeys 1.20 Off The Hook 1.50 Clever V Stupid

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 8.00 The Three Lives Of William Wallace 9.00 Watching The Dead 10.00 In Love With Barbara 11.30 Robert Burns: The People’s Poet 1.00am What Darwin Didn’t Know 2.30 Watching The Dead

3.45pm The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 Paris Hilton’s American Best Friend Forever 9.00 What Katie Did Next 10.00 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 10.30 Entourage 11.00 Coronation Street 11.30 FILM: Die Another Day (2002) 2.10am Emmerdale

12.55pm Heartbeat 1.55 Wycliffe 2.55 Monarch Of The Glen 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Carry On Laughing 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 7.55 The Memoirs Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Moll Flanders 10.00 Trial And Retribution 12.15am Profiling Lynda La Plante 1.15 Numb3rs

3.00pm Veronica Mars 3.55 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Reaper 10.00 Cha’mone - Mo’fo’selecta!

A Michael Jackson Tribute 11.00 Important Things With Demetri Martin 11.35 Peep Show 12.05am Reno 911

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 The Home Show 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Relocation, Relocation 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Jamie’s American Road Trip 10.00 Gordon Ramsay’s F Word 11.10 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 12.10am Jamie’s American Road Trip

11.00am Mirror (1976) 1.05pm The Card (1952) 2.55 Flying Tigers (1942) 4.50 Loving You (1957) 6.50 Save The Last Dance (2001) 9.00 I, Robot (2004) 11.10 Water Lilies (2007) 12.50am In America (2002)

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9/18/09

11:51 AM

Page 1

friday 25 Strictly Come Dancing BBC1, 8.30pm It’s the next eight’s turn, with celebrity knees a-shaking and glitter make-up running in the heat of the lights and the sweat of anxiety. Not just out of their comfort zone, some are out of their league and some just plain out of their time zone with jet lag being the only excuse for those left feet. Fun, fun, fun.

Derren Brown: How To Be A Psychic Spy Channel 4, 9pm & 11.45pm The third ‘event’ from Derren Brown has him put remote viewing to the test. Left over from the Cold War, it’s generally a concept of wishful thinking on the part of J Edgar Hoover and his Russian counterpart. Will he be able to project an image into our minds?

Will we believe it if he does?

Agatha Christie’s Poirot ITV3, 7.55pm Wouldn’t it be nice if everything was less complicated? Well, it can be as Hercule Poirot neatly solves all the loose ends within the hour and never even loses the shine on his moustache. This is a land to slip into after a full week’s work. With only the task of vetting suitors for a rich man’s daughter, Poirot still rules all.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24:7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.45 Bernard 3.50 OOglies 4.05 Wait For It..!

4.35 Hotel Trubble 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Deadly 60 8.30 LazyTown Extra 8.40 Postman Pat: SDS 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko!

Toto! 10.30 Pingu 10.35 In The Night Garden 11.10 The Flintstones 11.35 The Flintstones 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Cycling: World Road Championships 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Monk 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 6.00 Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman returns with all the behind-thescenes action from the world of Strictly Come Dancing.

7.00 Victorian Farm Historical observational documentary series following a team who live the life of Victorian farmers for a year. Ruth has a go at some traditional potions and remedies. Eye of newt...

8.00 Mastermind Tonight’s subjects are: The Life and Films of Groucho Marx, The Novels of Dorothy Whipple, The Battle of Britain and The Life and Work of Thomas Arnold.

8.30 Gardeners’ World The stunning naturalistic planting at Trentham Gardens in Staffordshire proves the inspiration for the team to look at Greenacres’ own border.

9.00 The Tudors Historical drama.

The failure of Henry’s fourth marriage hastens Cromwell’s downfall, while the king’s friends find a more tempting bed-mate for the monarch.

10.00 QI Panel-based quiz where the aim is to be interesting.

10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Round table arts and culture discussion programme with Tim Marlow.

11.35 Later ... With Jools Holland Extended repeat of Tuesday’s show.

12.40am Medium (x2) 2.05 FILM: The Terror (1963)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Rosemary And Thyme 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.05am The Hoobs 6.30 Yo Gabba Gabba 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Frasier 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Will And Grace 9.30 Year Dot 10.00 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.30 The Farm Revealed 11.00 Day I Got The Sack 11.30 Teen Taboos 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 3 Minute Wonder: King Of Laughter 12.35 Property Snakes And Ladders 1.40 FILM: River Of No Return (1954) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00am Good Morning Sports (x3) 9.00 Barclays Premier League World 9.30 Carling Cup Football 10.30 FIA GT Championship 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00pm Carling Cup Football 1.00 LIVE Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy 10.00 Football League Weekend 11.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 11.30 Gillette World Sport 12.00am Super League 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Football League Weekend 5.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.30 Gillette World Sport

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Cain remains suspicious of Michael. Like a grumpy dog. In a pacing way.

7.30 Coronation Street John reading out his vows only adds to Fiz’s feelings of guilt. What about Chezza?!

8.00 A Dangerous Game: Tonight Linda Duberley catches up with young video game fanatics she first met three years ago to find out how their habit has shaped their lives.

8.30 Coronation Street Rosie is livid to discover Luke with Michelle. Her eyes do that blazey thing only people with really blue eyes can do. Cool.

9.00 Rebus Detective drama. News arrives of a shooting at an elite school which has left two boys and a PE teacher dead. Rebus is troubled by inconsistencies at the crime scene, but his position is difficult because one of the dead boys was related to him. Never gonna be easy, this.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: The Pelican Brief (1993) Starring Julia Roberts, Denzel Washington, Sam Shepard. Young law student Darby Shaw is forced to go on the run after a legal brief she writes about the assassination of two Supreme Court justices causes her to be targeted by killers.

1.10am FILM: The Rat Pack (1998) 3.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Theresa responds to an advert for a modelling agency.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.35 Unreported World A film uncovering the bloody conflict in the Russian Republic of Ingushetia, revealing allegations that hundreds of innocent civilians are disappearing and being tortured by security forces in an increasingly violent campaign.

8.00 Jamie At Home Cookery series.

Jamie heads out in a torrential downpour to harvest his versatile homegrown beans. He could’ve waited for it to clear up a bit first.

8.30 The Big Food Fight Food quiz.

Repeat of Tuesday’s show.

9.00 Derren Brown: How To Be A Psychic Spy See highlights.

10.00 Peep Show Sitcom. Mark makes a final play for Dobby while Jeremy meets Elena, a Russian girl who loves music and poetry.

10.35 The IT Crowd Sitcom set in an IT department. Moss finds an internet site that calculates when users will die, but when he tries it out on Roy they both get a nasty surprise.

11.10 The Inbetweeners Sitcom about four teenagers in suburbia.

11.45 Derren Brown: How To Be A Psychic Spy See highlights.

12.45am My Wall Street 1.50 FILM: Sommersby (1993) 3.45 FIVB Beach Volleyball 4.40 Freesports On 4 5.05 Postmodern 5.15 Countdown

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The Wot Wots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 20 Things We Love To Hate About Builders 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Nigel Marven’s Ugly Animals 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 I Own Britain’s Best Home: Flying Visits 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.15 FILM: Love’s Long Journey (2005) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Everything happens to these people except sunstroke. How? 6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh.

7.30 Police Interceptors: Special Edition A special edition of the documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex.

8.00 Brighton Beach Patrol Documentary series following the work of the police, lifeguards and RNLI volunteers who patrol Brighton’s world-famous beach. Speedo Joe and the lifeguards hit the Gay Pride festival for the first time.

9.00 NCIS Drama series following the Navy’s dedicated federal agency.

Gibbs and the team try to find out who was responsible for an explosion that killed two NCIS agents.

10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series. Logan and Wheeler probe the fatal overdose of a young man who was heir to a massive fortune.

11.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama. Goren and Eames attempt to identify the victims of a serial killer languishing on death row. And then someone’s mother enters the frame. Yikes.

12.00am SuperCasino 3.55 The FBI Files 4.45 HouseBusters 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 8.00 EastEnders Jane has an announcement that will change the Beale family forever, and Whitney finds herself in the middle of the Mitchell feud. Meanwhile, Bradley comes to a big decision.

8.30 Strictly Come Dancing See highlights.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross Jonathan Ross is joined by Graham Norton and comedy double act Armstrong and Miller.

11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Time to win some dosh without anyone pretending they already know the numbers. No names, Derren.

11.40 FILM: Alien Autopsy (2006) Comedy marking television duo Ant and Dec’s big screen debut as two British men who buy footage of the infamous 1947 Roswell alien autopsy, but damage the film and render it unwatchable. Undeterred, they decide to film their own re-enactment of events and try to pass it off as the original tape.

1.10am Weatherview 1.15 Sign Zone: Gonzo: The Life And Work Of Dr Hunter S Thompson 2.45 Home Time 3.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 4.00 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 9.30 The Rugby Club 10.30 LIVE Golf 4.30pm IAAF Athletix Weekly 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Barclays Premier League World 6.00 Football League Weekend 7.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.30 LIVE: Super League 10.00 LIVE: Friday Fight Night Live 12.00am NFL - Total Access 1.00 Football League Weekend 2.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 2.30 Gillette World Sport 3.00 Super League 5.00 Ocean Adventures 5.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly

Sky Sports 3 6.30am Race World 7.30 Premier League Snooker 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Taekwondo 1.00 Race World 2.00 Motor Sport 3.00 Barclays Premier League World 3.30 Ocean Adventures 4.00 NFL - Total Access 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 Golf Night 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Golf Night 3.00 Tight Lines 4.00 Currie Cup Rugby Union

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

2.00pm Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV (x2) 5.30 Futurama 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 Futurama 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Grease: The School Musical 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 Ross Kemp: In Search Of Pirates 12.00am Road Wars (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Merlin 8.45 Merlin: Secrets And Magic 9.00 Wounded 10.30 EastEnders 11.00 Harper’s Island (x2) 12.20am Family Guy (x2) 1.05 Lunch Monkeys 1.35 How Not To Live Your Life 2.05 Don’t Tell The Bride 3.05 Snog Marry Avoid? (x2) 4.05 Lunch Monkeys 4.35 How Not To Live Your Life

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Leeds International Piano Competition 2009 8.30 Transatlantic Sessions 9.00 Classic Albums 9.50 The Doors: No One Here Gets Out Alive 10.30 Hogmanay On TV: The Glory Years 11.20 Spiral II 12.15am Classic Albums 1.00 Transatlantic Sessions

12.00pm Coronation Street 12.30 Emmerdale (x2) 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show 4.30 The X Factor 5.45 The Xtra Factor 6.45 The X Factor 8.00 The Xtra Factor 9.00 FILM: Die Another Day (2002) 11.45 What Katie Did Next 12.45am Coronation Street (x2) 1.45 The Xtra Factor

1.50pm Wycliffe 2.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Daily Cooks Challenge 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Carry On Laughing 5.45 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot. See highlights.

9.00 Life 10.00 FILM: Mr Saturday Night (1992) 12.20am Flashpoint 1.15 Wycliffe 2.10 The Charmer

12.40pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Friends 2.10 Gilmore Girls 3.05 Veronica Mars 4.05 Hollyoaks 4.40 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.00 Wife Swap USA 11.00 FILM: Bulletproof Monk (2003) 1.05am Scrubs (x2) 2.00 Supernanny 2.55 Wife Swap USA 3.50 Kevin Hill

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 The Home Show 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Relocation, Relocation 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: The Cider House Rules (1999) 11.25 Les Dawson’s Lost Diaries 12.30am FILM: The Cider House Rules (1999) 2.55 Les Dawson’s Lost Diaries

11.00am Smoky (1946) 12.45pm Boy On A Dolphin (1957) 2.55 Black Narcissus (1946) 4.55 Move Over, Darling (1963) 7.00 Say Anything (1989) 9.00 The Transporter (2002) 10.45 District 13 (2004) 12.25am Nil By Mouth (1997)

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saturday 26 Hole In The Wall BBC1, 6.10PM It’s back, adding to the plethora of fun-filled, pointless physical task game shows on Saturday night television. Anton Du Beke hosts, and just knowing that The Wall is back again is enough to make any hot-blooded waterlover grin. Team captains are ‘stEnders’ Joe Walsh and rugby’s Austin Healey. Bring on the wall!

When Piers Met Sir Cliff ITV1, 9.15PM Celebrating Sir Cliff Richard’s fiftieth year in the music biz, Piers Morgan has managed to swing another interviewing coup in visiting the star in his luxury Barbados home. Lush. There’s lots to take in as he quizzes the 70-year-old Sir Cliff on religion, sexuality, marriage and plastic surgery. On a lovely beach. Ah.

Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie ITV2, 10.15PM Some might call this a family with a spirit of adventure. Others veer towards revenge for televising your teens. Jack continues adventuring with his parents in tow, this time going to the southern tip of Argentina for a two-day dog-sledding expedition in a basic log cabin. Bonding.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 The Hairy Bakers 12.00pm BBC News 12.15 Football Focus 1.00 Cycling: World Road Championships 2.00 Formula 1: The Singapore Grand Prix 4.20 Final Score 5.15 South East Today 5.25 BBC News 5.30 Regional News And Weather 5.40 As Seen On TV

6.00 – 7.00am Chidlren’s television 7.00 Dennis & Gnasher 7.15 Dennis & Gnasher 7.25 Sportsround 7.40 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.00 Gimme A Break 8.30 TMi 10.00 My Almost Famous Family 10.30 Ed And Oucho’s Excellent Inventions 11.00 The Story Of Tracy Beaker 11.25 Diddy Dick And Dom 11.30 Animals At Work 12.00pm The Cut 12.25 Off The Hook 12.55 Chart Jackers 1.00 Kyle XY 1.45 Ascot Festival: QEII Stakes 4.35 Fred Dibnah’s Made In Britain 5.05 Match Of The Day Live: Ipswich Town V Newcastle United 7.35 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. Private Pike receives his callup papers and, to the great alarm of his mother, he is passed A1.

8.05 Lost Land Of The Volcano Documentary combining remarkable wildlife discoveries with high action adventure. Repeat of Tuesday’s show.

9.05 A Farewell To Floyd A fond rememberance of Keith Floyd – chef, television personality and all round good egg.

9.50 Mock The Week Dara O’Briain looks back at another week’s news with the help of Frankie Boyle, Hugh Dennis, Russell Howard, Andy Parsons and guests David Mitchell and Milton Jones.

10.20 The Last Nazis Through intimate and unique access, this trilogy of documentary films will tell three compelling stories. Children of the Master Race tells the story of the Nazis’ secret breeding programme, called Lebensborn, and how the surviving children have lived their lives in the knowledge that they were bred to rule the world.

11.20 FILM: Black Dog (1998) Starring Patrick Swayze, Meatloaf, Randy Travis, Brian Vincent. An exconvict truck driver with a suspended licence makes one last no-questionsasked trip, only to discover that his rig is stocked with assault weapons.

12.45am FILM: Revelation (2001) 2.35 Inside F1

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Horrid Henry 9.40 Supernormal 9.55 Emu 10.10 FILM: Clifford’s Really Big Movie (2004) 11.40 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 12.40pm ITV News And Weather 12.45 FILM: Agatha Christie’s Murder Is Easy (1981) 2.35 The X Factor 3.50 FILM: Bean (1997) 5.30 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News And Weather

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 The Cooper Tyres British Formula 3 International Series 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Friends 9.30 Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Britney 10.30 Friends 11.00 P. Diddy’s Starmaker 12.00pm Orange RockCorps 2009 With Sony Ericsson 12.25 Friends 12.55 Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Come Dine With Me 4.30 Come Dine With Me 5.00 Come Dine With Me 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 Come Dine With Me Reality series in which five contestants throw dinner parties for one another.

It is the last night of the competition and former company director Ross Thompson will pull out all the stops to win the top prize. Aka, he’s likely to look like a Class A doofus.

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 FILM: The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers (2002) Starring Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Orlando Bloom, Sean Astin, Christopher Lee and John Rhys-Davies. Lavish adaptation of the second book in JRR Tolkien’s epic fantasy trilogy about a hobbit who inherits a ring with dark powers and embarks upon a dangerous quest to destroy it. Frodo and Sam begin their journey into Mordor with the help of a sinister guide. Meanwhile, Merry and Pippin encounter the mysterious Ents in Fangorn Forest.

10.20 Bring Back... Fame Justin Lee Collins continues his quest to doorstep former entertainment stars.

His targets include Carlo Imperato, Valerie Landsburg, Erica Gimpel, Lee Curreri, Carol Mayo Jenkins and Debbie Allen.

12.00am 4 Music: 4Music Favourites: Paramore 12.30 4Play: Filthy Dukes 12.50 FILM: Midnight Express (1978) 3.00 FILM: Riot In Cell Block 11 (1954) 4.25 Reaper 5.15 Countdown

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Noddy In Toyland 8.20 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.35 Rupert Bear 8.50 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.15 Little Princess 9.30 Mr. Men Minis 9.35 Chiro 9.45 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10.00 NFL UK 11.00 The Gadget Show 12.00pm Rogue Raiders: Bears 12.55 FILM: Muppets From Space (1999) 2.35 FILM: Corrina, Corrina (1994) 4.45 Five News 4.55 FILM: Back To The Future (1985)

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 Football League Weekend 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm Gillette Soccer Saturday 12.30 Live Ford Football Special 3.00 Gillette Soccer Saturday 5.15 LIVE Super League 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Guinness Premiership 5.45 Close

6.10 Hole In The Wall See highlights.

6.40 Merlin Merlin helps Arthur disguise his identity to enter a jousting tournament, little knowing that a deadly assassin has arrived in Camelot to kill the Prince. Arthur is determined to win Camelot’s jousting tournament on his own merit, so with Merlin and Gwen’s help he goes undercover as an ordinary man. But Arthur’s in for a shock when Gwen challenges him to give up his spoilt, lofty ways. He he. Make yer own breakfast, Princey!

7.25 Strictly Come Dancing Brucie and Tess continue in their quest to make one celebrity see how far they’ve grown and another to gain popularity by succeeding in not falling down. The great and the beautiful.

9.05 The National Lottery Draws Lottery.

9.15 Casualty A figure from the past returns to Holby and throws Zoe’s life and career into turmoil.

10.05 BBC News 10.25 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights from today’s Premier League matches.

Synchronise your ‘air goals’ with the ones on the telly.

11.45 The Football League Show Highlights from the Football League.

1.00am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 2.00 Weatherview 2.05 BBC News

6.00 Animals Do The Funniest Things Stephen Mulhern introduces home videos and news stories featuring the funniest members of the animal kingdom.

7.00 The Cube Phillip Schofield hosts the big money gameshow in which contestants face a series of challenges under the spotlight of the Cube. Another highly addictive yet mentally untrying gameshow. Gotta love ‘em!

8.00 The X Factor The successful auditionees head to London’s Hammersmith Apollo for the biggest bootcamp ever. Judges Simon Cowell, Dannii Minogue, Louis Walsh and Cheryl Cole will be putting 200 acts through their paces. Who will be able to handle the pressure and stand out from the crowd, and who will be heading home?

9.15 When Piers Met Sir Cliff See highlights.

10.15 ITV News; Weather 10.30 FILM: Stepmom (1998) Starring Susan Sarandon, Julia Roberts, Ed Harris and Liam Aiken.

The story of two women battling for the hearts and minds of two young children. A divorced mother and her ex-husband’s career-oriented girlfriend must come to terms with their awkward situation. Teary.

12.45am FILM: The Accidental Tourist (1988) 2.50 Crossing Jordan 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

7.10 NCIS Drama series following the Navy’s dedicated federal agency.

After a marine widow receives a call from her dead husband, the NCIS team takes on the case and has to exhume the body to deduce whether the call was a prank or not. Bit of an overkill for Hallowe’en.

8.05 NCIS Drama series. After being buried alive, a woman emerges with amnesia and her only memory is of a bomb being hidden on a Navy ship.

Gibbs and his team investigate.

9.05 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. When a trio of Holly Golightly lookalikes rob a jewellery store, the detectives find themselves questioning the girls’ involvement in the dangerous world of blood diamonds.

10.05 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. Nick and Ray are baffled by the apparent murder of a fast-food restaurant manager. Catherine and Greg, meanwhile, untangle the equally puzzling death of a woman who was handcuffed to her bed.

11.05 Law And Order: SVU ME Warner finds herself in the firing line when a young girl is abducted on her way home from school.

12.00am SuperCasino 4.00 The FBI Files 4.45 Rough Guide To Beaches 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 2 6.00am FIFA Futbol Mundial 6.30 LIVE Rugby Union 8.30 LIVE Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy 1.00pm LIVE Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy 10.00 Golf Night 12.30am Spanish Football 2.00 Rugby Union 4.00 IAAF Athletix Weekly 4.30 Ocean Adventures 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Tight Lines 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Live Golf 5.30pm UEFA Champions League Weekly 6.00 LIVE: Guinness Premiership 8.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 8.30 LIVESpanish Football 11.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.00am WWE Late Night Smackdown 2.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 3.00 Super League 5.00 NFL: Total Access

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

12.00pm A Town Called Eureka 1.00 Futurama (x4) 3.00 Road Wars 4.00 The Real A & E 5.00 Grease: The School Musical 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 UK Border Force 9.00 The Simpsons (x2) 10.00 Madonna Sticky And Sweet 12.30am Football Behind Bars

7.00pm The Real Hustle Las Vegas 7.10 Top Gear 8.15 The Real Hustle On Holiday (x2) 9.15 FILM: Poseidon (2006) 10.45 Jack Dee Live At The Apollo 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Harper’s Island (x2) 1.40 How Not To Live Your Life 2.10 The Real Hustle On Holiday (x2) 3.10 Don’t Tell The Bride

7.00pm Ian Rankin Investigates: Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde 8.05 Conan Doyle For The Defence 9.05 Murder Rooms: The Dark Beginnings Of Sherlock Holmes 11.05 Ian Rankin’s Hidden Edinburgh 12.00am New Town 1.00 Alexander McCall Smith 1.30 Conan Doyle For The Defence 2.30 Ian Rankin Investigates

5.55pm FILM: Small Soldiers (1997) 8.00 Supersize Teens 9.00 Calvin Harris: The Hot Desk 9.15 The Xtra Factor 10.15 Jack Osbourne: Celebrity Adrenaline Junkie. See highlights. 11.15 Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 11.45 Arthur’s Day 2009 1.15am The X Factor

6.55am Quincy, ME 7.55 Dandelion Dead (x2) 12.25pm Cadfael 2.00 Goodbye Mr Chips 4.05 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.55 Inspector Morse 7.55 Rosemary And Thyme 9.00 A Touch Of Frost 11.05 FILM: Mr Saturday Night (1992) 1.20am Brideshead Revisited

11.50am The Hills (x5) 2.20pm Hollyoaks 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Reaper 6.55 My Name Is Earl (x2) 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 David Blaine: What Is Magic?

10.00 Cha’mone - Mo’fo’ Selecta! A Michael Jackson Tribute 11.05 Demetri Martin: Person 12.00am David Blaine: What Is Magic?

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.30 Time Team (x4) 1.45pm FILM: Legend Of The Lost (1957) 3.50 Relocation, Relocation (x5) 9.15 Time Team Special 10.20 Engineering Ancient Egypt 12.25am Time Team Special 1.35 Engineering Ancient Egypt 3.40 Close

11.00am Campbell’s Kingdom (1958) 1.00pm That Thing You Do! (1996) 3.10 Carry On Up The Khyber (1968) 4.55 Carpool (1996) 6.40 The Fighting Temptations (2003) 9.00 Ghost (1990) 11.25 Them (2005) 1.00am The Page Turner (2006) 2.40 Close

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sunday 27 Film: The Princess Bride Five, 5pm Swordfighting, giants, battles of wits, pirates, true love and so much more can be found in this treasure trove of a film – along with a whole lotta laughs for both kids and adults. Starring Robin Wright as Buttercup, Cary Elwes as the farmboy Wesley, and with delightful cameos from Peter Cook, Billy Crystal and Peter Falk.

A Feast Of Floyd BBC2, 7.30pm Reminding us just what we will be missing with the passing of Keith Floyd, this is one of his favourite shows from his ten years of gastronomical travel.

Enjoying the sunshine of Provence, he sizzles up a treat preparing fish soup and garlic chicken for lunch, and barbecued bass for dinner. Glass in hand.

Harper’s Island BBC3, 9pm & 9.40pm Where Miss Marple meets Scream, these beautiful people still haven’t had the wedding they originally gathered together for, but we might be getting a few more answers – cue flashback to seven years earlier and the original murders. Ooh! Really?

You don’t say. Tune in to find out.

Plus more pretty folk get deaded.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 The Politics Show 12.10pm Formula 1: The Singapore Grand Prix 3.15 EastEnders 5.10 Songs Of Praise 5.45 BBC News

6.00am Me Too! 6.20 Big Cook Little Cook 6.40 Bits And Bobs 7.00 Uncle Max 7.10 Diddy Dick And Dom 7.15 OOglies 7.30 Gimme A Break 8.00 Da Dick And Dom Dairies 8.30 M.I. High 9.00 Undercover Dads 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 FILM: Never Cry Wolf (1984) 1.10pm FILM: The Musketeer (2001) 2.50 Equestrian: European Eventing Championships - Show Jumping 4.50 Cycling: World Road Championships 2009 5.50 Rugby League: Super League Playoffs

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Paz 9.35 Emu 9.50 Coronation Street Omnibus 12.35pm ITV News And Weather 12.40 Columbo: Dagger Of The Mind 2.40 The X Factor 3.55 FILM: Thunderball (1965)

6.00am The Treacle People 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 GT4 European Cup 7.25 FIA GT Championship 7.50 Ironman UK 8.20 The McCain Track And Field Show 8.50 Friends 9.20 Hollyoaks 11.50 90210 12.50pm Rimmel London Presents The World’s Greatest Pop Star: Eminem 1.50 Shooting Cheryl Cole 2.25 Orange RockCorps 2009 Live In London 3.45 The Simpsons 4.15 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Scrapheap Challenge

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Football First: Match Choice 8.00 Football First: Match Choice 9.30 Sunday Supplement 11.00 Goals On Sunday 1.00pm LIVE Football League: Championship 3.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 6.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 7.00 TBA 10.00 Ford Super Sunday 11.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 12.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.00 Ford Football Special 4.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 5.00 UEFA Champions League Weekly 5.30 Gillette World Sport

6.00 Regional News And Weather 6.05 South East Today 6.15 Land Girls Period drama series.

Three months on, and Annie is not dealing very well with Harry’s death.

Nancy and Lawrence’s attraction has blossomed into a full-on affair. Joyce, the patriot, has a dilemma – should she shelter her deserter husband or turn him in? Difficult dilemmas.

7.00 Countryfile Countryfile.

8.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce takes the team to the Lancashire coast for a busy day in the magnificent Blackpool Tower Ballroom.

9.00 Waking The Dead Drama. This one’s so cool – it’s got Gina McKee helping Boyd investigate the disappearance of a patient from a high security mental institution. It also houses his nemesis, who tipped him off to the crime so there’s all manner of fishiness and Boydmanipulation going on.

10.00 BBC News 10.20 FILM: Point Break (1991) Starring Patrick Swayze, Keanu Reeves, Gary Busey, Lori Petty. Action adventure about an undercover cop in California whose pursuit of a gang of bank robbers leads him to the LA surfing scene.

12.15am Weatherview 12.20 Sign Zone: Wounded (x2) 2.00 Holby City 3.00 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 3.45 BBC News

6.45 A Farewell To Floyd A repeat of yesterday’s show to Keith Floyd.

7.30 A Feast Of Floyd See highlights.

8.00 Last Chance To See Stephen Fry and zoologist Mark Carwardine search for animals on the edge of extinction. On a journey through Malaysia and Indonesia to track down the deadly Komodo Dragon, the travellers help to release turtles into the wild and encounter one of the deadliest snakes on earth. Cool.

9.00 Charley Boorman: Sydney To Tokyo By Any Means Charley Boorman embarks on his second series of By Any Means, this time starting his adventure in Sydney and travelling to Tokyo. The first episode sees Charley leaving Sydney with a huge biker convoy in tow as he travels up the east coast of Australia.

10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Highlights of today’s matches.

10.45 Shooting Stars Repeat of Wednesday’s show.

11.15 FILM: For Your Consideration (2006) Starring Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy and Harry Shearer. Satirical comedy about three actors who are surprised and delighted to hear that internet buzz has put their low budget period drama in the frame for Academy Award nominations.

12.35am BBC News 3.45 The Super League Show

6.15 Meridian News; Weather 6.30 ITV News And Weather 6.45 All Star Family Fortunes Vernon Kay presents another episode of the gameshow in which celebrities try to win £30,000 for charity (mate).

Broadcaster Vanessa Feltz’s family, playing for Breast Cancer Care, battle it out against The Bill star Lucy Speed’s lot who are playing for the Lilly Foundation and Fight For Sight.

7.30 The X Factor Join host Dermot O’Leary for the second in our bootcamp weekend double bill. The 50 remaining acts must perform again.’ I Will Always Love You’, unless you boot me out of boot camp.

9.00 Doc Martin Gentle comedy drama. Louisa is insistent that she doesn’t want Martin involved after he learns of her news, and she is further angered by his old fashioned views.

10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 FILM: Alexander (2004) Starring Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer, Jared Leto, Anthony Hopkins, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers.

Historical epic chronicling the life of legendary Macedonian king Alexander the Great who conquered most of the known world by the age of 25. Overachiever.

1.25am Guinness Premiership Rugby 2.15 The Other Side 3.10 UEFA Champions League Weekly 3.35 A Dangerous Game: Tonight 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 The Genius Of Charles Darwin Richard Dawkins presents a guide to Charles Darwin and his revolutionary theory of natural selection, which Dawkins considers the most important idea ever to occur to a human mind.

8.00 Come Dine With Me Cookerybased reality show in which chefs compete for the title of ultimate dinner party host and the £1,000 cash prize. Stuart Donnelly starts the week in style by hosting a dinner party in his flashy penthouse.

9.00 Kevin McCloud’s Grand Tour Of Europe Kevin looks at how Christopher Wren was inspired to build St Paul’s after the Great Fire of London. He then visits Florence to examine the secrets of the Cathedral Di Santa Maria Del Fiore, and heads to Rome and the Vatican for Palm Sunday mass.

10.00 FILM: The Wedding Planner (2001) Starring Jennifer Lopez, Matthew McConaughey, Bridgette Wilson. Romantic comedy about a hard-working and ambitious wedding planner whose highly organised life changes when she quite literally falls for her top client’s fiance.

12.00am My Name Is Earl (x2) 1.05 FILM: Awaara (1951) 3.55 FILM: Hallo Panda (2006) 4.25 Reaper 5.05 3 Minute Wonder 5.10 Countdown 5.55 The Treacle People

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Noddy In Toyland 8.20 The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill And His Best Friend Corky 8.35 Rupert Bear 8.50 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 9.00 Olivia 9.15 Little Princess 9.30 Mr. Men Minis 9.35 Chiro 9.45 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10.00 Snobs 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 Farmer Wants A Wife 12.00pm The Spinner Dolphin: Great Ocean Adventures 12.50 FILM: Dance With Me (1998) 3.15 FILM: Father Hood (1993) 5.00 FILM: The Princess Bride (1987). See highlights.

6.50 Five News 6.55 FILM: Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle (2003) Starring Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Demi Moore, Bernie Mac and John Cleese.

Comedy action adventure. The glamorous Angels are called back into action when a criminal gang steals a pair of gold rings inscribed with the identities of every person on the FBI’s Witness Protection Program.

Good solid cheese.

9.00 FILM: Dirty Dancing (1987) Starring Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey, Jerry Orbach, Cynthia Rhodes, Kelly Bishop and Jack Weston.

Coming-of-age drama about a sheltered 17-year-old girl who learns a lot about life from the hotel dance instructor during a family summer vacation in the Catskills in 1963.

Bring a watermelon, a baby and a corner for maximum viewing enjoyment.

11.05 The ABBA Years Documentary exploring the remarkable success of ABBA, featuring interviews with the band members, footage of tours and stage shows, digitally remastered archive footage and music from 26 of the band’s hit records.

12.05am The FBI Files 1.00 NFL Live 4.35 Motorsport Mundial 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake!

Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Wild Spirits 6.30 Gillette World Sport 7.00 Spanish Football 8.30 LIVE Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy 1.00pm LIVE Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy 10.00 Golf Night 12.30am WWE Experience 1.30 WWE Late Night Afterburn 2.30 WWE Vintage Collection 3.30 UEFA Champions League Weekly 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 F3 Euroseries 8.00 WWE Afterburn 9.00 WWE Vintage Collection 10.00 Live Golf 4.30pm UCI BMX Supercross Series 5.00 Seamaster Sailing 5.30 LIVE NFL 9.00 LIVE NFL 12.30am Spanish Football 2.30 Close

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12.00pm Futurama (x2) 1.00 Project Runway 2.00 Bones (x2) 4.00 UK Border Force 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Futurama 6.30 Grease: The School Musical 7.30 The Simpsons (x2) 8.30 Futurama 9.00 House 10.00 House... An Insider’s Guide 10.30 Justin Lee Collins (x2) 12.30am Ross Kemp On Gangs

7.00pm Formula 1: The Singapore Grand Prix 8.00 Doctor Who 9.00 Harper’s Island (x2). See highlights.

10.25 Family Guy (x2) 11.15 How Not To Live Your Life 11.45 Lunch Monkeys 12.15am Harper’s Island (x2) 1.35 Tough Guy Or Chicken? 2.35 How Not To Live Your Life 3.05 Formula 1: Singapore Grand Prix

7.00pm Crowdie And Cream 8.00 Tweed 9.00 Darwin’s Struggle: The Evolution Of The Origin Of Species 10.00 Spiral II 10.50 Jonathan Meades: Off-Kilter 11.50 The Crow Road 1.55am Darwin’s Struggle: The Evolution Of The Origin Of Species 2.55 Tweed 5.30 Close

2.40pm Calvin Harris: The Hot Desk 2.55 FILM: Small Soldiers (1997) 5.00 The X Factor 6.15 The Xtra Factor 7.15 Kelly Clarkson: The Hot Desk 7.30 Coleen’s Real Women 8.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 9.00 The Xtra Factor 10.00 Trinity 11.00 What Katie Did Next 12.00am Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 12.30 Entourage

2.35pm Inspector Morse 4.40 FILM: Summer Holiday (1963) 6.50 An Audience With Cliff Richard 7.55 Cliff Richard: 50th Anniversary Time Machine Tour 9.00 When Piers Met Sir Cliff 10.00 Wycliffe 11.40 Profiling Lynda La Plante 12.40am PD James: Taste For Death 1.35 On The Buses (x3)

8.50am Running In Heels (x2) 9.50 The Class 10.15 Roswell (x2) 12.10pm Dark Angel (x3) 3.00 Beauty And The Geek 3.55 Heartland 4.55 Friends (x2) 6.00 Ugly Betty 7.00 Privileged 8.00 One Tree Hill 9.00 Friends (x2) 10.00 FILM: 28 Days Later (2002) 12.20am Russell Brand Live 1.25 Supernanny US

10.00am Scrapheap Challenge (x4) 2.20pm How Clean Is Your House? (x5) 5.10 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 River Cottage Autumn 9.00 The Family 10.00 Keith Meets Keith 11.10 The IT Crowd (x2) 12.10am Curb Your Enthusiasm 12.50 TV Heaven, Telly Hell 1.20 Deal Or No Deal

11.00am From Hell To Texas (1958) 1.00pm The Fighting Temptations (2003) 3.20 Belle Starr (1941) 5.05 Small Time Crooks (1999) 6.55 One Fine Day (1996) 9.00 This Is England (2006) 11.00 Persepolis (2007) 12.50am Offside (2006) 2.45 Close

029_LS442_TV_mon

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11:53 AM

Page 1

monday 28 Cops Vs Stalkers: Tonight ITV1, 8pm Fiona Foster asks if enough is being done to protect vulnerable women from harassment and, if not, what else can be done? The results are in from a survey of 2000 victims of stalking, and a new initiative is all set to be rolled out by the police. But will it help? Hopefully so. It’s more than just barmy exes.

FlashForward Five, 9pm Jack Davenport, Joseph Fiennes, Courtney B Vance – they sure have one quality cast in this new sci-fi series. It’s based on a cracking premise: a mystery event causes the population of the world to black out at the same time and see two minutes of their own lives six months in the future. What’s yours?

Upgrade Me BBC4, 9pm Poet and gadget-lover Simon Armitage examines people’s obsession with upgrading to the latest technology. Whether it’s phones, tellys or laptops, it certainly drives a market – but what drives us to do it? Peer pressure? Design? Fashion?

Simon goes from the UK to South Korea to find answers.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Animal 24/7 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Cowboy Trap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Murder, She Wrote 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Mister Maker 3.25 Bear Behaving Badly 3.45 Bernard 3.50 OOglies 4.05 School Of Silence 4.35 M.I. High 5.00 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Deadly 60 8.30 LazyTown Extra 8.40 Postman Pat: SDS 9.00 Timmy Time 9.10 Chuggington 9.25 Numberjacks 9.40 Tweenies 10.00 Ethelbert The Tiger 10.05 Grandpa In My Pocket 10.20 Yoko! Jakamoko!

Toto! 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Let’s Write Poetry: The Big Slam 11.20 KS1 Science Clips 11.30 The Daily Politics Conference Special 1.00pm Open House 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Living In The Sun 3.00 Monk 3.45 Flog It! 4.30 Pointless 5.15 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Claudia Winkleman returns with all the backstage gossip.

7.00 A Garden In Snowdonia See how pretty it is in the Welsh countryside. Let’s go there now!

7.30 Saving Britain’s Past Series charting the development of the conservation movement in Britain since the Second World War. 8.00 University Challenge The students representing the University of York do battle against the medics of St George’s, University of London.

8.30 Masterchef: The Professionals People cooking stuff that makes you feel so inadaquate in a culinary sense you declare to live off beans and toast. Forever.

9.00 Design For Life Design students compete for a six-month placement at Philippe Starck’s design agency. After narrowly escaping being thrown out last week, Mike is desperate to prove that he deserves his reprieve.

10.00 Home Time Gaynor Jacks has come home. But is it any better?

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Today At Conference Highlights of the Labour Party’s annual conference in Brighton.

11.50 Charley Boorman: Sydney To Tokyo By Any Means 12.50am BBC News

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show 4.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Britain’s Best Dish

6.05am Sali Mali 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.00 Frasier 8.30 Frasier 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 Year Dot Television 10.00 The Deadly Knowledge Show 10.30 KNTV Sex 11.00 TV Is Dead? 11.30 Chill Out 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 What’s In A Word? 12.45 Property Snakes And Ladders 1.45 FILM: The Left Hand Of God (1955) 3.25 Countdown 4.10 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 The Paul O’Grady Show

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Thomas & Friends 8.40 The WotWots 8.50 Hana’s Helpline 9.05 Roobarb And Custard Too 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 I Own Britain’s Best Home 2009 12.40pm Five News 12.50 Up Close And Dangerous 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 FILM: Cutaway (2000) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 10.30 Super Sunday: The Last Word 11.00 Spanish Football 1.00pm LIVE Cricket: ICC Champions Trophy 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Netbusters 11.30 SPL RoundUp 12.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 Time Of Our Lives 2.00 Netbusters 2.30 Sports Unlimited 3.30 Watersports World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Nathan discovers that money is missing from the shop.

7.30 Coronation Street Fiz drops a bombshell on John. Rosie plots her revenge on Luke. After what she’s been through, she’s probably very good at plotting. Watch out, son.

8.00 Cops Vs Stalkers: Tonight See highlights.

8.30 Coronation Street Darryl makes a difficult decision.

9.00 Blue Murder Drama. Jack Taylor, the charismatic young singer of a local band, is found dead in his apartment. Janine and the team soon discover that Jack had a fractious relationship with just about everyone he came into contact with. Well, that makes it easy to drum up suspects then. The case also brings Janine into conflict with her teenage daughter Ellie – a fan of the band.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: The Fugitive (1993) Starring Harrison Ford, Tommy Lee Jones, Sela Ward. Blockbuster adventure movie based on the TV series about a doctor on the run after being wrongly convicted of killing his wife. Does some good leaping though – iconic in fact.

12.55am Nightwatch With Steve Scott 1.50 Loose Women 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Ravi returns home from hospital. Lydia is jealous when she sees Sarah talking to Zoe. 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Dispatches: MPs, Planes And Gravy Trains Current affairs series.

Alex Thomson investigates what is expected of Members of Parliament during their lengthy holidays. With publicly funded trips around the globe, who are the frequent fliers and how accountable are their visits?

9.00 FILM: Mr & Mrs Smith (2005) Starring Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Vince Vaughn. Action comedy. A suburban couple’s marriage is thrown into confusion when they discover they are both trained assassins working for rival agencies. When they fail in their assignment to kill the same person, their employers order them to eliminate each other. Talk about marriage guidance needed.

11.15 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show with team captains Sean Lock and Jason Manford. The guests are Gabby Logan, Steve Jones, James Corden and Carol Vorderman.

11.50 No Angels Series following the racy adventures of nurses working the wards.

12.55am FILM: Shree 420 (1955) 3.45 Chrono-Perambulator 4.00 Star Maths 3 (x10) 5.40 Star Maths 4 (x2)

6.00 Home And Away Rachel and Tony struggle with baby Harry’s disappearance.

6.30 Live From Studio Five Magazine show hosted by Ian Wright, Melinda Messenger and Kate Walsh.

7.30 How Do They Do It? Robert Llewellyn takes charge of a tugboat as he discovers how to manoeuvre a 50,000-tonne ship through a narrow lock in Bristol. Or break a narrow lock in Bristol Take your pick.

8.00 The Gadget Show The team celebrates new US show FlashForward by seeking out gadgets that will be commonplace in the near future.

9.00 FlashForward See highlights.

10.00 Ross Noble’s Australian Trip Comedian Ross Noble tours Australia on his motorbike, travelling 26,000km to perform 85 gigs all over the country. His journey begins in Brisbane, before he passes through the tourist trap of Surfers Paradise.

11.05 FILM: True Romance (1993) Starring Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Dennis Hopper, Val Kilmer, Gary Oldman. Action-packed thriller about an unassuming Detroit comicshop assistant who stumbles into a dangerously exciting underworld.

1.15am NASCAR Sprint Cup 2.05 Race And Rally UK 2.55 Motorsport Mundial 3.20 V8 Supercars 4.10 NHRA Drag Racing 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 NASCAR 10.30 Darts 1.30pm Ford Football Special 3.00 Super Sunday: The Last Word 3.30 Spanish Football 5.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.30 SPL Round-Up 7.00 Netbusters 7.30 LIVE Elite League Speedway 9.30 Netbusters 10.00 Poker 11.30 British Rally Championship 12.30am Elite League Speedway 2.30 Poker 4.00 Close

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Bang Goes The Theory Science series that’s really quite good fun. Like Top Gear for science.

8.00 EastEnders Jane gets a nasty surprise, and the Mitchell girls are forced to bond. It’s in their contract.

8.30 Panorama The recession may be over its worse, but it’s payback time. Whoever wins the next election will be faced with the biggest overdraft in this country’s recent history. Worse than your credit card.

9.00 Waking The Dead Drama. The conclusion to Sunday’s two-parter, and Boyd’s personal tragedy comes to the fore of the case.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Would I Lie To You? Host Rob Brydon joins captains David Mitchell and Lee Mack for the comedy panel show all about truths and lies.

11.05 FILM: A Walk To Remember (2002) Starring Mandy Moore, Shane West. Teen melodrama about a high school rebel who falls for a geeky student when circumstances force him to ask for her help. Bless.

12.50am Weatherview 12.55 Sign Zone: Watchdog 1.55 Bang Goes The Theory 2.25 Wildest Dreams 3.25 Masterchef The Professionals 3.55 The Hairy Bikers’ Food Tour Of Britain 4.40 BBC News

Sky Sports 2

Sky Sports 3 8.00am Golf Night 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Live Cricket: Cockspur Club Twenty20 9.00 British Carp Angling Championships 10.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 WWE Vintage Collection 2.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.15 Close

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2.00pm Bones 3.00 Cold Case 4.00 Malcolm In The Middle 4.30 Oops TV 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 Malcolm In The Middle 6.30 The Simpsons (x2) 7.30 Futurama 8.00 The Simpsons 8.30 Futurama 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Football Behind Bars 11.00 Night Cops 12.00am Fringe 1.00 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Bizarre ER 8.30 Clever V Stupid 9.00 Gavin And Stacey 9.30 Lunch Monkeys 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Coming Of Age 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Clever V Stupid 12.20am How Not To Live Your Life 12.50 Lunch Monkeys 1.20 Gavin And Stacey 1.50 Bizarre ER

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Cambridge Folk Festival 2009 8.00 Designing The Decades 9.00 Upgrade Me. See highlights. 10.00 Watching The Dead 11.00 The Cell 12.00am The Cell 1.00 The Cell 2.00 Watching The Dead 3.00 Upgrade Me

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 Primeval 8.00 The Cube 9.00 Hell’s Kitchen USA (x2) 11.00 Benidorm 12.00am Katy Brand’s Big Ass Show 12.30 Coronation Street (x2) 1.30 Emmerdale

12.45pm Heartbeat 1.45 Wycliffe 2.50 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 5.00 Drama Trails 5.15 Carry On Laughing 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Wycliffe 7.55 Jeeves And Wooster 9.00 Surviving Midsomer - An Insider’s Guide 10.00 Taggart 11.00 The Bill: Backlash 12.05am Wycliffe

12.40pm Scrubs (x2) 1.40 Friends 2.10 Gilmore Girls 3.05 Veronica Mars 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Friends 9.00 Hollyoaks Later 10.00 Being Erica (x2) 12.00am Hollyoaks Later 1.00 Scrubs (x2) 1.55 How I Met Your Mother

2.30pm Coach Trip 3.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 The Home Show 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Relocation, Relocation 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 Without A Trace 11.00 The Closer 12.00am Saving Grace 1.00 Without A Trace

11.00am Can-Can (1960) 1.35pm Heaven Can Wait (1943) 3.45 The Inn Of The Sixth Happiness (1958) 6.50 In Good Company (2004) 9.00 Entrapment (1999) 11.10 5 X 2: Cinq Fois Deux (2004) 12.55am Le Divorce (2003)