Latest Seven: Issue 427 9-15 June

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6/3/09

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the city magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

★ arts ★ news ★ food ★ listings ★ tv guide ★ 9 – 15 June 2009

FREE WEEKLY

the damned captain sensible on the return of punk some like it hot the 30-day bikram yoga challenge

summer hair the best products for luscious locks

blown away blissed out cuts and colour at bliss page 11

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5/6/09

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latest

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6/5/09

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Contents ★latest upfront 4–7 4 Social diary: Tim Richardson at Brighton Frocks fashion show and the launch of White Air Festival

5 Seann is not a cat person 5 Will fails miserably at the single life 6 Bare Cheek remembers when Charlie Chaplin visited St James‘s Street

6 Astral Angi is all loved up 7 Dani tackles wealth inequality 7 Crossword: are you good with words?

★ latest news 8 8 Phil Mills reports on recession-busting

★ latest listings 16–29 16 Film What’s showing and when

17 Stage Menopause the Musical

midst to mark the Carers‘ Challenge

★ latest lifestyle 9–14 9 Celebcity with Spice Girl news 10 Health and beauty: hair and yoga

09

18 Comedy If you don’t find comedy funny, is it your fault?

18 Art 20th century Americana

19 Music Jeff Hemmings talks politics with Captain Sensible, looks forward to a Wedding Present gig and reviews the latest album releases

21 Clubs and Music This week’s club nights and gigs

good news for the public purse

8 Mary Mears thanks the heroes in our

Welcome I

Brighton Latest Download Chart

TOP

40

12 Gay

11

Village drinks is back, and this week on the scene

23 TV Your seven-page TV guide

11 On the cover: Bliss, the salon where haircare starts from the inside

14 Hot list: the best places to dine

16 19

17

01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Managing Editor Bill Smith

Production Editor Victoria Nangle

Business Director Angi Mariani

Editor Rachel Pegg

Creative Director Andrew Kay

Chief Sub Editor Zara Baker

Production Director Fiona McTernan

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings

Finance Manager Sharon Caple

Sub Editors Pearl Bates Melina Greenfield Patrick O’Donnell

Art Director Stephen King Production Manager Neil Ive

Photography Tim Richardson Diana Frangi Design Rob Burdick Anand Day Peter Knight Steve Sawyer Staff Writers Ralph Miller Dani Winch Clubs Writer Jaime Pettit Books Writer John O‘Donoghue

f you go to a comedy night and find yourself sitting stony faced while others can’t control their laughter, is there something wrong with you, or them? Our inhouse comedy expert and stand-up comic Victoria Nangle tackles this tricky question in her weekly column A Laughing Matter (p18).

On the same page, art and music editor Jeff Hemmings previews an exhibition at Brighton Museum looking at American history and culture through the eyes of 56 modern American artists.

In his music section, Jeff catches up with Captain Sensible of The Damned and reviews albums by Laura Vane, Lemonheads and Carnival Collective (p19).

Jaybee is hogging the top of the Latest Music Chart this week (p20) – for a chance to reach the top spot, upload your music at www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart.

With the start of summer, you might be thinking about how best to care for your hair. In our health and beauty section we test sun protection products (p13) and pop into Bliss, the salon where staff know healthy hair needs outside and inside attention (p11). We also have news about the Bikram Yoga Studio, where you can try 15 days of yoga for just £30 (p13).

Photographer Tim Richardson has been flitting from party to party again – this time mixing with fashionistas at Brighton Frocks and the sports people and dignitaries involved in setting up White Air, the extreme sports festival coming to Brighton for the first time in September (p4).

In news, Mary Mears marks the Carers‘ Challenge 2009 by celebrating those who work tirelessly for others with little or no financial reward and Phil Mills looks at how Sussex Police has come up trumps to reclaim public money in the wake of the Icelandic financial crisis (p8).

In our regular columns, Will finds bachelor life is harder than he thought and Seann delves into the psychology of cats and their owners (p5).

Meanwhile, Dani rages against the inequality that means David Beckham earns 1,100 times a nurse’s salary (p7).

Speaking of celebrities, Jo Brooks has news of a Spice Girl joining one of our local radio stations and Peter Andre’s plans to move back to Brighton (p9).

Advertising Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Marie Viviani Advertising Executive Rachel Bryant Administration Claire Peerless

Latest Homes Unit 1, Level 5 North New England House New England Street Brighton BN1 4GH

22 Rachel Pegg Latest 7 Editor

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6/4/09

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04 LATEST DIARY

In it to Latest diary win it Tim Richardson Win one of two fantastic Nintendo DS games With the British summer holidays approaching, children will be needing something to do on the inevitable rainy days and we have the perfect prize to while away the hours. This week we’re giving away two new exciting Nintendo DS games from JoWood Productions.

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Neighbours From Hell The first game we’re giving away is a skill-based challenge, in which the player takes the role of Woody as he performs ever more fiendish tricks upon his evil neighbour, tiptoeing between rooms to avoid being seen by his neighbour’s watchful pets. Setting the traps, however, is not easy and requires good timing, cunning and creativity. For a chance to win a copy of this game, just tell us: What is the name of the main character in the game Neighbours from Hell?

See below for entry details.

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Zoo Quest The second title we’re giving away this week is a fun educational puzzle game. In Zoo Quest, players undertake a race against the clock to prevent the Zoo’s animals from becoming extinct.

On completion of each of the twenty levels, players are rewarded with photos and information about the interesting animals. This is a great game for teaching children about animals and animal conservation. To be in with a chance to win a copy of this exciting and educational game, just tell us: How many levels are there in Zoo Quest?

See below for entry details.

To win, email:

competitions@thelatest.co.uk with the name of the game you wish to win in the subject box and your answer to the question in the body of the email. Alternatively, write to us at the address at the front of the magazine. Don’t forget to leave your name, address and telephone number. Closing date for entries: Monday 22 June

mixes with some fashionistas and some sporty types

Fashion focus

Designer – Gresham Blake

The Hilton Brighton Metropole hosted the fifth Brighton Frocks Fashion Weekend. The fashion weekend from 22 to 24 May gave cutting-edge, independent designers a platform from which to showcase their talent to the general public and fashion industry insiders. It provided an opportunity to promote national recognition for home-grown talent, placing the spotlight firmly on Brighton and pushing us onto the fashion map. For more information on this year‘s amazing event visit www.brightonfrocks.com

Designer – Alisa Designer – Joanne Flemming Designer – Sarina Poppy

Juice 107.2 crew

JP Omari (Streetfunk)

Tim Hutchings (Brighton Marathon), Mayor Ann Norman, Consort Ken Norman

JP Omari, Annelies (Streetfunk) Christina, Trevor, Mira (Concorde2)

(Supporting White Air. sponsors of high diving) Lieutenant Stuart Dobbins, Blake Aldridge, Lieutenant Commander Stuart Antrobus, Lieutenant Commander Richard Walters

To the extreme The countdown has now started for the 2009 White Air Extreme Sports Festival, which takes place from 18 to 20 September in Brighton. Some 40 events, a live stage on the beach and tons of entertainment are already planned for Europe‘s biggest extreme sports festival! The Cribs, White Lies, British Sea Power are already confirmed for the White Air live stage, with the full line-up to be announced soon! For more information visit www.whiteair.co.uk ZT Fitness

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6/4/09

4:58 PM

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CITY SPEAK 05

Seann ats, like most non-human animals, are extremely inarticulate. Their miserly range of three sounds (the mew, the purr and the screech) is all they have for oral communication.

Roughly, the mew means “Let me out/in”, the purr means “That’ll do” and the screech is “Get your foot off my tail!” If cats could talk, that is pretty much all they would say.

No noise that a cat makes sounds like “thank you”, “please” or “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

My friend’s cats refuse to enter his house through the cat flap. There is a hole in the door large enough to accommodate their passage between house and garden without the need to trouble a person. But they just sit there and await the sight of someone through the window, whereupon the mewing begins. Then begins the ensuing dialogue (translations in brackets): Cat: Mew (“Let me in!”) Human: Use the bloody cat flap! Cat: Mew (“Just let me in!”)

Human: What’s wrong with you? Cat: Mew (“Let me in!”) This continues for a while.

Human finally relents and lets cat in.

This happens daily in his household.

It seems an unfortunate ritual, especially

Seann Walsh has a problem with cats

C

Will just came out of something big.”

These were my words to T, when it became clear that our second date was going to lead to a third. “I need to take this slow.”

“OK,” he replied. “So we’ll take it slow.”

In the two weeks since, we have not taken it slow. Not by having drinks, or dinner, or meeting each other’s friends. Not by walking hand in hand through the market or having a picnic in the park. We weren’t slow in the front row of the theatre and we definitely weren’t slow in the back row of the cinema.

In the two weeks it takes for this piece to appear in print, we’ll no doubt have moved in together, had a civil partnership and fertilised a lesbian. This is not taking it slow.

I’ve been secretly wondering if T isn’t playing some surreal game of bingo, in which he scores a point each time he can cross another experience off the list. ‘Take a bath together’: one point. ‘Watch each other’s favourite movies’: one point. Quite what will happen when he tots up enough points to call out “Bingo” I have no idea.

Perhaps he’ll gain ownership of my immortal soul. Or we’ll officially be boyfriends, which is more or less the same thing.

I suppose some people might call the

“I

“No noise that a cat makes sounds like ‘thank you’, ‘please’ or ‘Are you sure you don't mind?’”

given that all the cats ever go inside for is to urinate on the carpet. They were trained years ago to do that outside, but some neurological blunder seems to have overridden their urinary education. It’s a big deal; nobody wants to visit a house that smells of feline wee. I haven’t been round for weeks. The cats have turfed me out. They have marked their territory in the traditional way, which in turn has warded me off in a very untraditional way: because the smell is punishingly awful.

The reason he got cats was fair.

He wanted a pet that required little commitment: an independent creature not in need of constant care, that could turn up a couple of times a day to eat, and would occasionally welcome some perfunctory attention. Cat over dog is often the lazier pet owner’s choice, cats being a halfway house between dog and Tamagotchi.

He had a Tamagotchi once, but (genuinely) swapped it for some beer. You can’t really do that with cats. He’s tried to rebuild the relationship, and to re-educate his animals in cat-flap use and al fresco excretion, but it hasn’t worked. He should have got a dog.

Lazy pet owners get lazy pets.

Will Harris wants to take it slow “We flung ourselves so fast through a candle-lit dinner our slipstream snuffed the candle out”

dating frenzy T and I are currently engaged in, a whirlwind romance. Why not; we flung ourselves so fast through a candle-lit dinner our slipstream snuffed the candle out. But does this also mean that, like a whirlwind, it’ll disappear as suddenly as it appeared, rotating down into nothingness and leaving me contemplating an empty prairie sky?

And where does romance figure in all this anyway? Slow things – gondola rides, the bloom on a rose, waltzing cheek to cheek – are romantic. Fast things, conversely, are not. Nobody ever fell in love while paintballing, did they? Ant McPartlin didn’t get blinded by cupid’s arrows. He got blinded by paint.

Perhaps I’m over-thinking it. Any other time, I’d be excited to meet someone who wants to spend this much time with me.

But having so recently come out of a relationship that was so important to me, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m running with scissors.

I explain this to T. “Everything’s moving too fast,” I say. “We need to take it slow.”

“OK,” he replies. “So we’ll take it slow.”

This morning there was a toothbrush in my bathroom. My flight leaves in an hour.

For comments and chit chat email: letters@thelatest.co.uk

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6/4/09

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06 ONLY JOKING!

Bare cheek Brian Mitchell & Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column

I remember…

St James’s Street! Once the stamping ground of aggressive drug addicts and bellowing, red-faced alcoholics, it was gentrified in the early noughties, and is now home to exactly the same number of aggressive drug addicts and bellowing, red-faced alcoholics, only now they’ve got nowhere to go, and so limp up and down the street on their crutches, shouting abuse and frightening the children, but what was it like 90 years ago? 103-year-old Potiphar Shillingford remembers... ld St Jimmies, as we used to call it, certainly has come down in the world. Back when I was a nipper it was known as ‘the Bond Street of Brighton‘, and had only the most exclusive shops. There was Boswell‘s Patisserie, which sold exquisite little cakes, in which a little door would open and a tiny butler would emerge, who would sing a ditty about the tastiness of the confection in question. Then he‘d return to his cakey prison, and you'd eat it, ignoring his cries of agony.

“O

Then there was Fetterton‘s Underwear Emporium, supplier of underpants to Douglas Fairbanks, which all had to be made out of snail skin, due to the swashbuckling superstar‘s legendary sensitivity of epidermis. I remember once, in their haste to get a new consignment of boxer shorts to him before the filming of When the Clouds Roll By, their horse and cart reversed over 16 old ladies, killing them instantly. Mr Fairbanks was very good about it though, and provided their grieving families with free tickets

Astral Angi

to The Knickerbocker Buckaroo.

Of course, he wasn‘t the only celebrity to make a bee line for St Jimmies. Oh no, the great and the good swarmed to ‘the little laine‘ like flies to excreta.

Rudolph Valentino, Lillian Gish,

Harry Houdini, Woodrow Wilson, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Young Arfur, Tomboy, Milly O‘Naire and Penny Less, Shiner, Micro Chip, Odd Ball.

When Charlie Chaplin himself opened a new soft furnishing store called Haversham‘s there in 1922, over a thousand people turned up to hear him speak , although he seemed to me to be inebriated, and he was later criticised in the local press for repeated use of the word “cooze“.

You know that Somerfield at the bottom of the street, that used to be a Safeway way back when? That was the site of the world‘s first supermarket, Ludlow's, in 1916. It wasn‘t quite what we‘d recognise as a supermarket these days. It was only open the third Tuesday of every month, just sold tinned spaghetti and sex toys, and goods could only be paid for in slave labour. The car park behind the shop was a playground for the kiddies. Once, in 1924, I was trying to impress a rather attractive young single mum in a short denim skirt and kneelength boots by sticking my head through the monkey bars, when I got my entire upper body stuck. Dusk was coming fast, so I started screaming for help like a girl, and when I looked up I saw none other than morbidly obese film star Roscoe ‘Fatty‘ Arbuckle grinning at me, accompanied by Ramsay MacDonald and his entire cabinet. Well, as you can imagine, it was an unpleasant night for me, as each of the men, in groups of two, took turns to...“ (Continued on page 98)

BARDSLEY’S

This week, Astral is full of love

Buy the CD Bardsley’s, country music with c-hip s-hop beats at Bardsley’s and Borders NOW!

ARIES (MAR 21–APR 20)

CANCER (JUNE 22–JULY 22)

LIBRA (SEP 23–OCT 22)

CAPRICORN (DEC 21–JAN 19).

Aries must learn to control sudden urges to misbehave. Be nice. No really, be nice, it costs nothing and makes you feel good. Astral has got her luvving head on this week.

Cancerians need to take things at a slow and steady pace – I’m talking tantric if you follow me. If it’s good enough for Gordon and Trudie than it has to be worth a try.

Librans are big swingers and Astral does not neccessarily approve.

Librans need to tie down those big swingers and steer a steadier course or reap the seeds of promiscuity.

Capricorns can be a bit matter of fact when it comes to romance. Try softening the approach with sweet and tender words. If that fails simply keep schtumm.

TAURUS (APR 21–MAY 21)

LEO (JULY 23–AUG 22)

SCORPIO (OCT 23–NOV 21)

AQUARIUS (JAN 20–FEB 19)

Taureans can charm the birds out of the trees when they put their mind to it. Why not make a list of how many times you were charming today. Any score under ten simply will not do.

Leos may be the lions but when it comes to love they are the tigers.

Which is all a bit too catty for me. This week don’t forget to buy kitty litter and air freshener.

Scorpios are on the whole daft and best left well alone. However if you like your love life on the humorous side then bag a Scorpio now and prepare to wet your pants.

Aquarians think that love is their god given gift to do with as they will. And they take that thought and go for it. This week all Aquarians should think very hard before they use the word love.

GEMINI (MAY 22–JUNE 21)

VIRGO (AUG 23–SEP 22)

SAGITTARIUS (NOV 22–DEC 20)

PISCES (FEB 20–MAR 20)

Geminis must gather their forces and spread the love. Go on, get out there and show the world just how much loving you can give. Start in Blatchington Road and work east.

Virgos will continue to use their virginal facade to lure others to their carnal fate. Go for it kids and enjoy, but please be kind. Not everyone can get away with wearing that much white.

Sagis must take it easy. No unneccessary excitement or strenuous activity please. Simply sit back and feel the love around you, but no getting involved, understand!

Pisceans are not the cold fish you might think. On the contrary, they can be hot stuff. Try some spicy sauce next time you feel the need to fillet by popping into Bardsley’s.

WINNING FISH AND CHIPS 22/23/23A BAKER ST, BRIGHTON BN1 4JN

01273 681256

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6/4/09

4:19 PM

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DEFINITELY DANI 07

Dani hy is David Beckham earning in the region of £22million a year while a nurse earns approximately £20,000 a year and care assistants are on about £13,000? Is it just me or does this seem a little strange?

When I refer to nurses and care assistants I am referring to those working in hospitals but the point I am making does not exclude those who work in schools, GPs, nursing homes etc.

I am not a football fan, but that is not the reason for this point.

When you actually think seriously about what these people do it really doesn’t seem fair. The same goes for actors and musicians who are paid millions. It just seems that the scales are a bit off. It just seems that the world is celebrating the wrong heros.

Our hospitals get nothing but bad press, and although I would be the first to admit that not everything happens as it should, I would also like to point out that they do also do good things too – we just never hear about any of those.

What with the Panorama exposé on our local hospital, everyone is pointing the finger at the nurses, but if you watched the documentary the

W

We are worshipping false idols, says Dani Brown (allegedly) hit Rihanna but people will still buy his music. Does anyone see that we idolise the wrong people? I am not saying that every nurse on the planet is great because like in anything there will be the occasional bad seed, but it just seems that they can never win.

Many go above and beyond what they are paid to do and yet only ever get bad press. Isn’t it about time we said thank you?

At least we know that the people who are working in these hospitals are not doing it for the money.

“Could you work for eight hours straight, caring for ill people, and still feel as bright as a button at the end of it?” whistleblower woman actually said there were not enough nurses and carers to cover the amount of work. A lot of the nurses work eight hour shifts with no break in order to try and get everything done, but no one ever says thank you for that – they just point out the one thing they didn’t do. Could you work for eight hours straight, up on your feet, caring for ill people and still feel as bright as a button at the end of it? I think not. Even our local newspaper reports mainly bad news items about our local hospital. All this adds up and anyone who is admitted to hospital goes in expecting the worst. David Beckham allegedly cheated on his wife and is then handed a million pound advertising deal, Lindsey Lohan wraps her car around a tree after a night on

Comments? Get in touch: dani@thelatest.co.uk

Rain in Spain?

the town but she then makes a joke about it on TV so everyone loves her again, Hugh Grant picks up a prostitute (allegedly) but it’s okay because he was that floppy haired dude in Four Weddings and a Funeral, Chris

It is not quite summer yet – so I am going to take this opportunity to remind certain people that this is England. If it rains in June try your hardest not to complain, as it can only be expected. None of this – “In Spain it is about 70 degrees, why can’t we have weather like that here?” – it has never been like that so stop moaning about it!

latestcrossword Cryptic 197

solutions on page 22

Quick 197

ACROSS

DOWN

ACROSS

1 Instrument that reveals a particle in wine (9) 8 One who binds by rank (4) 9 Dangerous substance comprising ducks in a quiche with tail removed (9) 11 Man of sincerity (6) 13 Soft fish served in skins (5) 15 No longer something way out (4) 16 Aptitude of the weak, in a way (5) 17 Fishy result of bike race that takes three-quarters of an hour (5) 18 Concerning woman official (5) 19 A goblin – from behind it's a little creature (4) 20 Piece of fish in the weigh pan (5) 22 Acrimonious bird losing the way (6) 25 Elopes, etc, disguised as a stargazer (9) 26 Quarrel evident in drink (4) 27 One who sleeps like southern logman (9)

2 Noisy jostling game (4) 3 Stone extra-terrestrial spaceship (6) 4 Bird described in “Glorious Elysium” (5) 5 Bird man – no saint (4) 6 Hoarder fit to be wretched (9) 7 Being brotherly is learnt under RAF manipulation (9) 10 Start digging a fissure in a heap of snow (5) 12 Profligate person writing about an inheritance matter (9) 13 Weapon of the fishworkers (9) 14 Notices blemishes (5) 17 The reversible principle (5) 19 Spire made, it is said, of muscular tissue (6) 21 Runner consuming Oriental dairy produce (5) 23 Dance that sounds genuine (4) 24 Part of church occupied by squirming snake – last of its type (4).

1 Snow-slip (9) 8 Swelling (4) 9 Way (9) 11 Hairpiece (6) 13 Swamp (5) 15 Stage work (4) 16 Classifies (5) 17 Fragrant (5) 18 Watercourse (5) 19 Vegetable (4) 20 Alternate (5) 22 Message (6) 25 Permeate (9) 26 Piece of work (4) 27 Declared opposition (9).

DOWN 2 Bridal piece (4) 3 Leeward drift (6) 4 Memoranda (5) 5 Bird call (4) 6 Backer (9) 7 Pacifying (9) 10 Clamorous (5) 12 Theorise (9) 13 Attraction (9) 14 Word of greeting (5) 17 Sound of alarm (5) 19 Facial growths (6) 21 Deal with (5) 23 Hind part (4) 24 Eye complaint (4).

008_LS427_newsphil

6/5/09

12:08 PM

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08 LATEST NEWS

L7NEWS

News Phil Mills reports on the money making its way back to Sussex Police amid the recession

Cashback illions of pounds of Sussex taxpayers’ money – frozen in the Icelandic bank crisis – is now heading back to our coffers after almost a year of painstaking negotiations, Latest 7 can report.

Close to £7million had been invested by Sussex Police in Heritable, the UK-licensed bank which went into administration last year, following the collapse of its Icelandic parent company Landsbanki.

It has been an anxious wait for the Sussex Police Authority – as it remains for other Sussex and UK authorities which made similar investments and had their fingers burned – but the authority is hopeful now as much as 70 per cent of its

M

money could be back in the police till by July or August.

Accountants Ernst and Young, appointed after Heritable went into administration, broke the news – and it came as a welcome relief to the authority.

Richard Hornby, authority treasurer, said: “It means we can now plan our forward programme for 2010/2011 on the basis that we will secure around £4.8 million back.

“And I remain confident that we will see more of our original investment of £6.8 million being returned.”

Administrators have warned investors that some may only realise 80 per cent of their original stakes but Mr Hornby said: “They have to err on the

Care givers

side of caution – and Heritable is still trading and making money, so the prospects of a better return are in place.”

Sussex Police and its governing authority, like all others caught in the collapse, were quietly sweating they would never see their money again, but put on brave faces.

Mr Hornby said: “The loss of the money was always going to be temporary.”

And, he added: “It has had no impact on policing services or council tax in the current year, and Sussex Police Authority was just one of

Richard Hornby

many local authorities, together with other public bodies and charities, to have invested in Heritable.”

He stressed that the investment at the time was sound and that no one could have predicted a collapse: “Before placing our investment we followed Government guidelines and took professional advice.

“The failure of a Britishregulated bank is something that would have been unthinkable 12 months ago.

“Even the local government watchdog, the Audit Commission, had money invested with Heritable – and it carried out its own independent review and concluded we had not been negligent.”

Carer Danielle, 11, scales a climbing wall as part of Carers‘ Challenge

Brighton and Hove City Council leader Mary Mears salutes the unselfish endeavours of carers There are certain issues that put the knock-about of daily politics into perspective.

One is the army of carers heroically providing services, often with little or no reward.

We are in the second week of Carers‘ Challenge, a commendable awarenessraising campaign. The city council is fully behind the fortnight, organised by the charity the Carers‘ Centre for Brighton, for which we provide £200,000 a year.

I particularly admire the city’s 23,000 carers and I want to highlight the sheer

unselfish endeavours of the men, women and children who put others before themselves.

For some, respite is scarce.

Others combine studying with caring for a sick relative. Still others – grandparents, aunts, older siblings or family friends – provide a haven from violent or unstable homes.

Nationally, carers save the economy £87billion per year, an average of £15,000 each.

Yet, they are on average twice as likely to be permanently sick or disabled. Couples caring for disabled children have divorce rates of twice the UK average.

So we must do all we can as a council to care for carers.

After all, it is an issue that affects so many. In Brighton and Hove one in ten could be described as a carer. An ageing population, smaller families and different family structures mean three in five people will care for someone at some point.

That‘s why the council offers emergency, free, home-based support for periods of up to 48 hours and a carers‘ grant for

breaks and other respite care.

We are also close to completing a three-year carers strategy to identify and help alleviate the difficulties they face.

Whether we realise it or not, we all probably know a full-time carer – so let’s stop to think about the tremendous benefit their selflessness has on the city.

And if you are a carer yourself, I salute you.

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6/4/09

4:18 PM

Page 1

AROUND TOWN 09

sponsored by

Celebcity

with Jo Brooks

Former Spice Girl gets a radio show; Peter Andre moves in and stars are spotted across the city

was asked to present my own show, it was so exciting and felt completely natural – I can’t wait to be part of the Heart team!”

Peter speaks out Fresh from his split with our fave home town girl Katie Price, Peter Andre has this week announced he is moving back to sunny Brighton.

the beach. Pete says: “I really wanted to be near the sea as the kids love it there so much and I imagine we’ll spend a lot of time there once I move in.

Most importantly the house is only a half hour’s drive from the kids”.

Katie has kept silent through all this and is still yet to comment. However it seems that everyone has an opinion on the über couples split – even Hove resident, author and journalist Julie Burchill stuck her two penneth in after writing a mammoth double page spread on the subject in last week’s Sun newspaper.

Spotted

Spice show mma Bunton will be joining Heart to spice up our lives. The star will be presenting her own girl-powered Saturday radio show as Southern FM becomes Heart later this month. Emma will host her programme every Saturday afternoon from 4pm to 7pm, starting on Saturday 27 June.

Emma Bunton is the newest

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addition to the presenter line-up as Southern FM becomes Heart on Monday 22 June. Heart promises the best variety of music hosted by your favourite presenters such as Breakfast’s Tom, Lynsey and Jack, alongside well-known personalities including Emma Bunton, Toby Anstis and Jason Donovan.

Emma Bunton said: “When I

Pete has found the perfect home to move into, a seven bedroom house in the Brighton burbs, just a short drive from

Up in London yesterday, walking along Monmouth Street, I bumped into my old friend Eddie Grant. I worked with Eddie on his greatest hits album so it was good to catch up with him on a rare visit from his Barbados home. Eddie fans out there will be pleased to hear he’s back in the UK next year doing the festival circuit.

Further down the same road, I was alerted to a number of paps hanging around outside the Covent Garden Hotel waiting for Colin Farrell to come out. Purely in the interests of this column I immediately dived into the hotel to try and catch a glimpse of Colin, but sadly he didn’t put in an appearance. All was not lost however when a very slim young girl appeared beside me to hail a taxi and I realised it was star of Mamma Mia, Amanda Siegfried! She looked like a proper dancing queen!

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com

10% service will be added. Offer valid until the end of July 2009 excluding Saturday evenings and bank holidays. Only one voucher per table. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offers

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10 SALON SPECIAL

Bad hair day?

Start the summer with a new ‘do’ and find the products that suit your hair When was your last visit to a hair salon? While the recession may have put a halt – or at least a decline – on such a trip, it needn’t be the case. Finding a trusted hairstylist to work with your hair on a personal level is easy in a vibrant, busy city like Brighton, and supporting independent salons keeps local business thriving. Not only that, but you get to know your stylist on a personal basis. When it’s time to cut costs, your stylist will offer the best advice for a stunning new ‘do‘ for the summer.

With the right cut and colour, a longer time can be left between visits. Inevitably, shorter, layered cuts – which are great in the summer heat – require more upkeep. If you colour your hair, choose a shade nearer to your natural colour or opt for highlights or lowlights so the roots aren’t regularly needing attention.

Ladies, if you opt for a fringe, most hair stylists will keep it trimmed and in shape for free between visits. Whatever your style is for summer, find a stylist who creates the look you want at the budget you need. A new hairstyle can make us look good, feel good and be re-energised for summer. Find a stylist in our special salon guide. Here you will also find the best products to protect your hair from the sun’s harmful rays.

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Blissed out Tracey Scoffin talks about healthy hair, great cuts and fabulous colour at her Seven Dials salon racey Scoffin set up Bliss Hairdressing seven years ago in the Seven Dials area of Brighton. Bliss is a small, friendly salon with a relaxed yet professional team. Bliss is also run as a coop with all the stylists being self employed but actively taking part in the decisionmaking. Tracey says; “I feel this puts the stylist in a responsible position, encouraging them to really engage in their work and I am confident that this makes us a happy and contented team.”

The staff at Bliss are Victoria Douglas, manager, Darren Sayers, stylist, Jo Fuller, stylist, Jodie Holloway, trainee and Becky Todd, trainee. Victoria is in her sixth year at Bliss and has run the salon for the last year whilst Tracey has been on a maternity break having twins!

“I have just come back to work on a part time basis – Wednesdays and Saturdays – and I really enjoy it,“ says Tracey. “Having time off has helped me realise how much I love my job. New challenges and change are what keep me ticking. I plan to attend an intensive five day creative cutting course in London this August. Creating new and exciting looks for clients is my absolute favorite thing to do. I find every time I do a course, I come back buzzing with ideas and can’t wait to expand and develop these visions with my clients.

Darren Sayers, in his second year at the salon, will be taking part in a five day avantgarde colouring course, to complement Tracey’s training. “Colouring is such a vital part of hairdressing and although we all excel in this area, we are always on the look out for new techniques and ideas,“ he says. ‘‘Bliss has a consistent image, and one which works well.“ says Tracey. “We don’t go in for the hard sell on products, we don’t have a haircut of the season and we don’t chase awards. We treat all clients as individuals and give longer appointment times than many salons. Our clients range from students to hard working professionals of all ages, and of course – hard working mums. As a client once said, ‘Tracey, you are famous in the playground‘.’’

Bliss are committed to the ethos of hair being a living organic substance, constantly growing and therefore changing. Completely malleable, it can be sculpted into gravity defying form or gently tousled into a more natural and complimentary shape. “Our hair is constantly changing, due to the weather on a daily basis, and over time due to age.“ explains Tracey. “It changes during and especially after pregnancy, when we hit our 40s and again when women hit the menopause. These three are the most obvious to clients, and two were very obvious to me during and after my pregnancy. These times call for special

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attention in the form of styling, treatments, diet and supplements. Kelp is great for the hair (though not during pregnancy), and drinking lots of water with regular cuts and treatments are also essential.”

Bliss run a model school every week and are often looking to recruit models. For a minimal charge, models receive a cut and colour and the Bliss trainees get actual salon experience alongside their training at the college.

In addition, Bliss offer a wedding service to clients by special arrangement, and also offer a 10 per cent discount to full-time students. “We run art exhibitions in the salon and regularly display local artists‘ work,“ says Tracey. “This makes Bliss an all together more interesting experience, and one that shoudn’t be missed.“ Bliss Hairdressing, 77 Dyke Road, Brighton, East Sussex BN1 3JE 01273 207400

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HEALTH & BEAUTY 13

Hair care bunch The ultimate hair protection products you need for the summer sun tried and tested Australian Organics Intensive Care Shampoo and Nourishing Restorative Conditioner £3.50 each, 250ml, www.australianorganics.com, available from selected Waitrose and John Lewis stores.

Styling: ★★★✩✩ Packaging: ★★★✩✩ Value for money: ★★★✩✩ “This shampoo and conditioner both have a great smell and left my hair looking a lot brighter.”

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Philip Kingley Swim Cap £17, from www.philipkingsley.com Styling: ★★✩✩✩ Packaging: ★★★✩✩ Value for money: ★★★✩✩ “This is thick like a sun cream and is applied to damp hair for ultimate protection. It felt quite heavy so should be saved for the beach and pool as it’s hard to style hair with this in, but if it’s protecting the hair from chlorine and sun exposure, I’m not complaining!”

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Styling: ★★★★✩ Packaging: ★★★★✩ Value for money: ★★★★✩ “A light-weight protection from heat styling. Definitely one for straightening addicts like me.“

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James Brown London Richly Moisturising Shampoo and Conditioner

Origins No Deposit shampoo £9.79, 250ml, available from www.origins.co.uk or call 0800 731 4039 for stockists.

Styling: ★★★✩✩ Packaging: ★★★✩✩ Value for money: ★★✩✩✩ “I loved the orange smell of this shampoo.

It left my hair feeling very clean and fresh, but it costs more than I would normally spend on shampoo.”

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James Brown London Heat Protection Spray £5.86, from www.boots.com

Fudge Detox Deep Cleanser Shampoo £9.99, available online at www.fudgehair.co.uk Styling: ★★★★★ Packaging: ★★★✩✩ Value for money: ★★★★✩ “This was fantastic. I loved the smell and consistency of it, and it really made my hair feel clean and soft. I will definitely use it again.”

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£5.86 each, from www.boots.com and Boots stores nationwide.

Styling: ★★★★✩ Packaging: ★★★✩✩ Value for money: ★★★✩✩ “The shampoo has a lush smell and is a really good product, but with a strange opening device, which is hard to use when wet. I had the same problem with the conditioner, but again, once got out of bottle, it’s lovely stuff: you don’t need much, leaves hair very soft and smelling wonderful.”

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Richard Ward Ultimate Repair Mask £8.99. For stockists call: 0115 8419795 or online from www.chemistdirect.com Styling: ★★✩✩✩ Packaging: ★★★✩✩ Value for money: ★★★✩✩ “My hair was left shiny and feeling good, even if it did take quite a while to rinse out after the time was up. A great intensive conditioner for a weekly/fortnightly use.”

Aveda After Sun Hair Masque £14.68, available online at www.aveda.co.uk Styling: ★★★✩✩ Packaging: ★★★★✩ Value for money: ★★✩✩✩ “Good for highlighted/hair damaged by the sun’s rays, so great for me post holiday, but it’s a little heavy and needs to be rinsed well and used in small amounts.”

Kevin Murphy Hair Resort £11.95, 150ml.

For stockists call: 01282 613413 Styling: ★★★★★ Packaging: ★★★★✩ Value for money: ★★★★★ “This is the best product of this type that I’ve tried. It was not too heavy on my hair, was really easy to use to get the beach look, smelt great (a real holiday smell), and my hair still held the style even after a night’s sleep.”

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Some like it hot

latest

Three men change their lives with the 30-day Bikram yoga challenge

wave

Reach over 100,000 health-conscious readers across the South East with Wave, the region’s only free mind, body and soul monthly, now inside Latest 7.

To advertise call sales on

01273 818150

It’s hot! Bikram yoga works your whole body, balances your mind and changes your life – and it’s not just for the ladies; three local lads take the thirty day challenge...

Glen Kelly, 36, lives just around the corner from the studio and works voluntarily with people in recovery. Glen was run over by a car when he was a child, and has been dealing courageously with his long term injuries. He describes the studio as “a gift”, and hopes that it will help with managing his pain.

Shaun Thorpe,19, is a carpenter, and part of the building team that refurbished the studio. He hopes that Bikram yoga will help him lose weight and tone up for the summer. “It’s really hard work, but afterwards you feel great,” he says.

Adam Khan, 39, is aiming for 60 classes in 60 days by the end of June. He is a web designer, and describes himself as “a lazy, slobby, desk-bound person” with a “severely sedentary lifestyle”. Adam is delighted that Bikram yoga is helping him to feel and look more active, fit and athletic.

Watch this space for next month’s update to find out how Glen, Shaun and Adam got on...

Try Bikram yoga for yourself – pay £30 for 15 consecutive days of yoga if you register by 15 June.

Bikram Yoga Studio, Olugbenga House, 26-28 Franklin Road, Portslade, BN41 1AF (two minutes walk from Portslade train station). Full disabled access.

Tel: 01273 420279. More details on www.bikramyogabrighton.com

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14 HOT LIST

latest hot

LIST RESTAURANTS & BARS

city at great value. A wholesome and hearty menu, includes locally-caught fish and other Sussex produce. Pop in for a bowl of soup and glass of wine at lunchtime or a hearty threecourse dinner.

28 Upper Hamilton Road, Seven Dials, Brighton BN1 5DF, 01273 556708 www.chimneyhousebrighton.co.uk

Koba Bar and Venue

Restaurants British and modern European Bardsley’s Probably Brighton’s most popular fish and chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with all your favourites and excellent daily fish specials. Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue. There are massive fish platters and good seasonal seafood. Fish can be fried, grilled or poached, plus there are vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

Chimney House Recently opened with a stylish and cosy new interior and excellent modern British food, this family pub offers some of the best fresh, seasonal, home-cooked food in the

Koba hosts a Credit Crunch Menu in the cocktail bar 6-days-a-week excluding Saturday - cocktails from £2.95, wine from £7.95 a bottle all night long. With three bars over three floors and a dedicated team of mixologists, this venue stands as a flagship of quality and has received many awards over the years, the latest being one of the top 50 bars in the UK. Koba, 135 Western Road, Brighton, BN3 4FF, 01273 720059

Preston Park Tavern A bright, cheerful and welcoming food pub in Fiveways offering a gastronomic experience in a relaxed atmosphere. Locals and foodies mix in this family-friendly pub – a hidden gem, which has remained busy through word of mouth. The daily changing menu, using delicious local, seasonal produce, is complemented by an impressive and good value wine list, all available by the glass or bottle, and good Sussex beers.

88 Havelock Road, Brighton, BN1 6GF, 01273 542271, www.prestonparktavern.co.uk

Chinese

Italian

Gars Restaurant

Donatello

Stunningly refurbished, this old Brighton favourite has attained a new lease of life. An exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a truly chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar before rising to the upper dining room. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

Flagship venue of this local familyrun business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish and spotless surroundings. There are brilliantvalue meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

French New Steine Bistro Cosy French bistro with regular art exhibitions, creating the perfect setting for the appreciation of traditional homemade French cuisine.

A hidden gem. Daily evening menu of two courses £10.50, three courses £12.50 on weekdays, and two courses £14.50, three courses £16.50 on Friday and Saturday. A la carte menu Tuesday to Saturday 6–10pm.

10–11 New Steine, Brighton BN2 1PB, 01273 681546 or 695415

L’Église Traditional French restaurant offering classic cuisine for contemporary tastes. A la carte menu Tuesday to Sunday with daily specials. Locally sourced produce including freshly caught fish of the day, and an AngloFrench cheeseboard. Enjoy the southfacing terrace with the two-course lunch menu, Tuesday–Saturday, 12–6pm at £9.95 or relax on a Sunday with a delicious French Sunday roast.

196 Church Road, Hove, 01273 220868 www.legliserestaurant.co.uk

Indian

Japanese Moshi Moshi Described by The Times as having a “fanatical following”, Moshi Moshi has become one of the leading restaurants on the South Coast.

Known for its fresh, handmade sushi , Moshi Moshi is located in the heart of the Lanes. Become a Moshi member online www.moshimoshi.co.uk and get special discounts. Follow them on Twitter and Facebook.

Moshi Moshi, Opticon, The Lanes, Bartholomew Square, Brighton BN1 1JS, 01273 719195

Thai Sabai Filled with stylish Thai furnishings, Sabai transports you to the beach bars of Samui and the restaurants of Bangkok. Browse the extensive menu of unique dishes, sample a cocktail or a bottle of wine from the comprehensive wine list. Thai food made with fresh, authentic ingredients – grown by the family of the restaurant’s owners. “Sanuk!”

165–169 Princes House, Princes Place North St, Brighton, 01273 773030, www.sabai.uk.com, bookings@sabai.uk.com

Chaula’s This place is unlike other Indian restaurants – Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Mon–Sat, and a ‘light bites’ menu.

Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle The Chilli Pickle is an Indian Bistro in the heart of the old lanes. The food is regional Indian cuisine executed at the highest level. Lunch is packed full of Indian street food as well as a good selection of thalis and the everpopular Masala Dosa. Sumptuous feasts at dinner include the national award-winning Oxtail Madras.

Belgian beers, luxury loose teas and a well chosen wine list also feature.

42 Meeting House Lane, Brighton, 01273 323824 www.thechillipicklebistro.co.uk

Coffee shops Moksha Caffe Brighton Moksha is Brighton’s ultimate independent café, with their own blend of locally roasted coffee made by highly trained baristas. An excellent range of homemade cakes and sandwiches all made on site with favourites like battenburg, quiches and gluten-free options. Spacious interior with artworks by local artists.

Child friendly, with disabled access and free Wi-Fi. Free live music or comedy every Saturday night.

Moksha Caffe, 4–5 York Place, 01273 248890

Spinelli Coffee Spinelli Coffee combines the best of modern Italian café culture with greattasting, high-quality specialty coffee and mouth-watering pastries and savouries, the ultimate ‘coffee experience’. Beautiful oak sliding doors look onto a heated outdoor seating area with sea views, with free Wi-Fi. Spinelli Coffee, 24 Garnet House, College Road, Brighton, 01273 818819

To have an entry call Marie on 01273 818150 ex102

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16 FILM www.odeon.co.uk

0871 224 4007 Tuesday 9 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 4.30, 7.45 CORALINE 3D (PG) 1.15 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (U) 12.00 LAST CHANCE HARVEY (12A) 1.30, 4.00, 6.15, 8.30 THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON (12A) 9.00 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 1.00, 2.30, 3.30, 5.15, 8.00 STAR TREK (12A) 2.15, 6.00, 8.45 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12A) 12.15, 1.00, 2.45, 3.45, 5.30, 6.30, 8.15, 9.15

Wednesday 10 ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 4.30, 7.45, 9.00 CORALINE 3D (PG) 1.15 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (U) 12.00 LAST CHANCE HARVEY (12A) 1.30, 4.00, 6.15, 8.30 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 1.00, 2.30, 3.30, 5.15, 8.00

STAR TREK (12A) 2.15, 6.00, 8.45 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12A) 12.15, 1.00, 2.45, 3.45, 5.30, 6.30, 8.15, 9.15

ANGELS & DEMONS (12A) 4.30, 7.45 CORALINE 3D (PG) 1.15 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 2.00, 4.30, 7.00, 9.30 HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE (U) 12.00 NEW IN TOWN (12A) 10.30am LAST CHANCE HARVEY (12A) 10.40, 1.30, 4.00, 6.15, 8.30 THE HANGOVER (U) 12.45, 3.30, 6.00, 9.00 STAR TREK (12A) 2.15, 6.00, 8.45 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12A) 12.15, 1.00, 2.45, 3.45, 5.30, 6.30, 8.15, 9.15

Films showing Friday 12–Monday 15 LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT (18) LOOKING FOR ERIC (15) CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

01273 626261 Tuesday 9

Friday 12

ANYTHING FOR HER (15) 2.00, 6.30 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 4.00, 8.30 GENOVA (15) 11.00am

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (LAT DEN RATTE KOMMA IN) (15) 11.00pm LOOKING FOR ERIC (15) 1.00, 3.30, 6.00, 8.30

Wednesday 10

Saturday 13

ANYTHING FOR HER (15) 2.00, 6.30 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 4.00, 8.30 GENOVA (15) 11.00am

BEDTIME STORIES (PG) 11.00am LOOKING FOR ERIC (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00

Thursday 11

LOOKING FOR ERIC (15) 1.30, 6.30, 9.00 FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE (PG) 4.00

Sunday 14

Monday 15 LOOKING FOR ERIC (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.30, 9.00

www.cineworld.co.uk

0871 200 2000 Tuesday 9 ANGELS AND DEMONS (12A) 12.50, 5.10, 8.20 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.40 LAST CHANCE HARVEY (12A) 1.50, 2.10, 4.30, 6.50, 9.10 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 1.10, 3.50, 6.30, 9.00 SPARTACUS (PG) 12.00, 3.40, 7.15 STAR TREK (12A) 2.30, 5.30, 8.30 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12) 12.40, 1.40, 3.20, 4.20, 6.00, 7.00, 8.45, 9.45

Wednesday 10 12 ROUNDS (12A) 9.20 ANGELS AND DEMONS (12A) 12.50, 5.10, 8.20 CORALINE 3D (PG) 1.45, 6.10 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.40 JONAS BROTHERS CONCERT 3D (U) 4.10 LAST CHANCE HARVEY (12A) 1.50, 2.10, 4.30, 6.50, 9.10

What’s on this week

Thursday 11

www.picturehouses.co.uk

ANYTHING FOR HER (15) 2.00 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 4.00, 9.00 WHALE RIDER (15) 6.30

L7 lowdown

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 1.10, 3.50, 6.30, 9.00 STAR TREK (12A) 2.30, 5.30, 8.30 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12) 12.40, 1.40, 3.20, 4.20, 6.00, 7.00, 8.45, 9.45

Thursday 11 ANGELS AND DEMONS (12A) 12.50, 5.10, 8.20 DRAG ME TO HELL (15) 1.30, 4.00, 6.40 THE HANGOVER (15) 12.20, 2.35, 4.50, 7.05, 9.20 LAST CHANCE HARVEY (12A) 1.50, 2.10, 4.30, 6.50, 9.10 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 1.10, 3.50, 6.30, 9.00 STAR TREK (12A) 2.30, 5.30, 8.30 TERMINATOR SALVATION (12) 12.40, 1.40, 3.20, 4.20, 6.00, 7.00, 8.45, 9.45

Films showing Friday 12–Monday 15 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM TIMES

www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

01903 206206 Tues 8 – Thurs 10

Saturday 13

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 (PG) 4.45 (Tues), 7.30 (Wed, Thurs)

MADAGASCAR: ESCAPE 2 AFRICA (PG) 12.00 CHECK WITH CINEMA TO CONFIRM FILM TIMES

Terminator Salvation

Night at the Museum 2 (PG) Dir: Shaun Levy Larry Daley (Ben Stiller) and all the exhibits have been moved to the Smithsonian Institute in Washington.

A bigger museum means more exhibitions, and so Amelia Earhart (Amy Adams). General Custer (Bill Hader) and Kah Mun Rah (Hank Azaria) join the original cast of misfits. Chaos ensues yet again as Daley tries to control the nocturnal antics of his charges.

Showing at Cineworld, Odeon and Worthing

Drag Me to Hell (15) Dir: Sam Raimi L.A. loans officer Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) becomes cursed after repossessing the house of a mysterious old woman. With the help of a seer, she attempts to dispel the curse, but how far is she willing to go for the cure? With Raimi back at the helm in the genre that made him famous, expect a thrilling encounter with the supernatural.

Showing at Odeon, Cineworld and Duke of York’s

Star Trek (12A) Dir: JJ Abrams From Kirk (Chris Pine) brawling in a bar to the final assembly of the crew we know and love – Spock (Heroes’ Zachary Quinto), Bones (Karl Urban), Scotty (Simon Pegg), Sulu (John Cho), and Uhura (Zoe Saldana) – this is how they came to be boldly going where no one had gone before. And, of course, a battle with Romulan Nero (Eric Bana) to show their true mettle. Lush.

Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

Looking For Eric (15) Dir: Ken Loach Steve Evets stars in this touching comedy about a postman with a chaotic family life and a passion for football. Feeling the pressure of facing the woman he once loved – Lily – his mood sinks, and his mates do their best to cheer him up. Hooray for mates!

Showing at Duke Of York’s and Odeon

Terminator Salvation (12A) Dir: McG Christian Bale takes up the role of John Conner as the Terminator franchise finally moves into the future. Things are not as they are supposed to be though and the appearance of the mysterious Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) could provide the answers they need to put it back on track.

Showing at CIneworld and Odeon Last Chance Harvey (12A) Dir: Joel Hopkins Dustin Hoffman stars as Harvey, a jingle writer given one last chance to save his job – and then he misses his flight home from London. Whoops.

Drowning his sorrows at the airport he meets Kate (Emma Thompson) and an unlikely friendship is struck up.

Showing at Cineworld and Odeon

Genova (12A) Dir: Michael Winterbottom Following the death of his wife, university lecturer Joe (Colin Firth) relocates himself and his two daughters to the Italian town of Genova for a fresh start. With his teenage daughter exploring her surroundings and the younger blaming herself for her mother’s death, this tells the story of a family getting to know itself again.

Showing at Duke Of York’s From Russia With Love (PG) Dir: Terence Young The Cold War is on and Sean Connery still has hair, plus there’s a rather deadly looking lady with a dagger pointing out of the tip of her shoe.

Some excellent Bond motifs and Cubby Broccoli’s favourite Bond tale, keep the Martinis coming and the ladies scantily clad.

Showing at Duke Of York’s

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Golden Family fun at The Hawth with Circles In The Sand ollowing the success of The Little Hippo And His Magic Pen and Jabuti last year, Tam Tam Theatre return to The Hawth in July with Circles In The Sand.

This interactive show gives children up to three years the chance to explore, discover and play with sand led by Tam Tam Theatre’s Marleen Vermeulen, who co-created the show with Sarah Argent.

Tam Tam Theatre is renowned for creating ‘Children's theatre which appeals to the very youngest...’ (Time Out) and Circles In The Sand is sure to do the same.

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Circles In The Sand, The Hawth Studio, Crawley. Friday 10 & Saturday 11 July, Fri 10.30am & 1.30pm, Sat 11am & 2pm. Tickets priced £6 (Family of four £22) are available from the Hawth Box Office on 01293 553636 or you can book online at www.hawth.co.uk.

Hot flush Laugh your way through the ‘change’ with Menopause The Musical at Worthing’s Connaught Theatre he show that allows women to connect through a combination of humour and menopause-madness is coming.

Menopause The Musical stars one of the nation’s most popular entertainers, Cheryl Baker (Bucks Fizz) together with Sue Hodge (‘Allo,’Allo) Ellen O’Grady (Doctors) and West End performer Susie Fenwick (Sound of Music). They will appear as the Earth Mother, the Soap Star, the Power Woman and the Irish Housewife.

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Stage listings Tuesday 9 June to Monday 22 June Brighton Dome

Chichester Festival Theatre

01273 709709 www.brightondome.org Insomnia Insomnia takes you to a sleepdeprived hallucinatory world where things are not what they seem.A collaboration between New Writing South and Brighton Youth Theatre at Falmer High School.

•10 June, 7pm, £3

01243 781312 www.cft.org.uk Wallenstein World premiere. A victim of his own military success, Wallenstein believes he alone can bring peace to the Empire.

• 9–13 June, 7.45pm plus 2.15pm 11 and 13 June, £26.50 Oklahoma The story of an Oklahoma farm girl, Laurey, who is forced to choose between Curly, the happy-go-lucky cowboy she loves, and Judd, the mysterious loner she fears.

• 15 June-29 August, 7.30pm. Please check with venue to confirm, £12-36 The House of Special Purpose The story of the deposed Russian Tsar and his family as they are held captive by communist soldiers in post-revolution Russia.

• 20 June-22 August, Minerva Theatre, 7.45pm. Please check with venue to confirm, £26.50

The Capitol, Horsham 01403 750220 www.thecapitolhorsham.com Little Shop of Horrors The cult comedy about Seymour and his man-eating plant is performed by the mature students of the Horsham Act Too Arts Academy.

•10-13 June, 7.15pm Wed-Fri and 12pm & 5pm Sat, £12/8 Sound of Musicals The hit songs from current West End musicals performed by a cast of principal artistes from top West End shows.

•12 June, 8pm, £16.50/15

Menopause The Musical has entertained audiences worldwide with its light-hearted look at the menopause. The show’s writer and producer Jeanie Linders says the characters are a combination of female traits sure to appeal to all women: “Each of us has a part of our personality that is glam; or striving for success, or dedicated to making our physical world a better place, or to being a loving mate.

I think that is one of the reasons why the women in the audience readily identify with the characters. Seeing them ‘suffer’ the woes of the menopause brings the experience closer to home.”

It has been said that Jeanie wrote Menopause The Musical “after a bottle of wine and a hot flush”. Parodying songs has always come naturally to her. She recalls standing in front of her freezer singing “Hot Flush” to Rod Stewart’s hit “Hot Legs” which inspired her to create the rest of the show which premiered in a Florida perfume shop which had been converted into a theatre.

Menopause The Musical, Worthing’s Connaught Theatre, Union Place, Worthing. Friday 12 & Saturday 13 June at 7.30pm. Tickets: £17.50, £19.50 Box Office: In person at the Connaught and Pavilion theatres 01903 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

Eastbourne: Congress Theatre

Theatre Royal

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Beauty and the Beast Disney’s multi-award winning musical is one of the most popular and enchantingly romantic fables ever told.

• 8-13 June, 7.45pm plus 2.15pm 11 and 13 June, £26.50

08700 606650 www.theambassadors.com/theatreroyal Thriller Live A spectacular, high octane show celebrating the career of the King of Pop – Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5..

• 9-13 June, Tuesday-Thursday & Saturday 7.45pm, 5pm & 8.30pm Friday plus 4pm Saturday. £18.50-25.50

Eastbourne: Devonshire Park Theatre

Worthing: Connaught Theatre

01323 412000 www.eastbournetheatres.co.uk Strictly Murder A thrilling 1930s murder mystery, set in pre-war rural England. Written

by Brian Clemens, creator of The Avengers and The Professionals.

• 9-13 June, 7.45pm, plus Wed and Sat 2.30pm, £13.50-£19.50 Women On The Verge Of HRT Two Daniel O’Donell fans are suddenly confronted by the realities of their lives – loveless marriages, husbands in the clutches of mid-life crises and the dreaded menopause.

• 16-20 June, 7.45pm plus Wed and Sat 2.30pm, £13.50–£19.50

01323 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Menopause the Musical All-singing, all-dancing comedy is set in a department store, where four women with seemingly nothing in common meet by chance at a lingerie sale.

• 12-13 June, 7.30pm, £19.50/17.50

Worthing: Pavilion Theatre 01323 206206 www.worthingtheatres.co.uk Blood Brothers The captivating and moving story of twin boys who, separated at birth, grow up on opposite sides of the tracks, only to meet again with tragic consequences.

• 9–20 June, 7.30pm plus 2.30pm Wed and Sat, £15–27.

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18 STAND-UP COMEDY | ART

A laughing matter

Harry Shokler, Coney Island 1942

Victoria Nangle thinks funny now might not be funny later – and vice versa

t’s funny the way one person gets a joke and another just simply doesn’t see the point. I’ve been on both ends of this phenomenon – both telling a gag that others have got previously and on this occasion gazed into a sea of uncomprehending faces, and I’ve been an uncomprehending face amongst a sea of laughter. Neither is particularly nice. I know I’m just one small tweak away from nirvana and somehow it’s eluding me. And I don’t think I’m the only one this happens to. In fact I know I’m not, as when I don’t get it there’s usually a mate sitting next to me not getting it too, and when others don’t get me – well, I’ve seen other people with a good idea that’s ‘going to be’ a gag on that journey before it properly becomes funny.

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“I’ve seen people with a good idea that’s ‘going to be’ a gag on that journey before it properly becomes funny” One of the key factors between what looks like it could be funny and what actually is funny are the precise words used in delivery. It may look as if the pros are just coming up with this genius off the top of their heads, but if you listen again at their next gig you’ll find the actual laughter bit is exactly the same wording. Everything matters when you string that bad boy together, from how many words you use to set up the joke to how many syllables are in the punchline. One syllable? Pow! Three? More than a bit clunky. If the punchline had a choice between ‘couch’ or ‘sofa’, which do you think would hit the hardest? I know it sounds petty now but next time you’re watching a stand-up comic you think is good, try picking out a killer punchline of theirs and paraphrasing it. That’s the difference between a potential laugh and a great big giggle from an audience.

And maybe it’s the same with the gags I just don’t get. My brain hasn’t made that leap from something that is almost there, in my mind, to something that’s mega hilarious. But everyone else’s has?

Except my mate’s? I could be stretching it a tad there. Maybe I’ll just have to come to terms with the fact there are some laughs I just don’t get. Which is alright. If everything everyone else laughed at made me laugh too, my sides would never have time to recover. I like having my own taste. If we were all the same we’d never get the great new stuff.

☺

Stand-up wisdom: “In Germany we don’t swear at all – reason being that things work.” Henny Wehn

Comedy listings Wednesday 10 The Pete Firman Magic Show Pete Firman returns with an all new show of jaw-dropping magic and offbeat comedy. Upstairs At Three And Ten, 7.30pm, £7/5

Thursday 11 Brian Gittins and Friends Every month, Brian and his partner in crime, Angelos Eppethemiu, introduce two acts they’ve met on the circuit and somehow co-opted to perform.

This month’s guests are Tim Key and Alex Horne. Upstairs at the Three and Ten, 8pm, £9/7

Friday 12 Hearty Laughs Rosie Wilby headlines this stand-up fundraiser for The British Heart Foundation, with futher coronary support from Bola Ajani, Jim Holland, Murray Cummings, Nathaniel Metcalfe and Robin Buckland. Latest MusicBar, 7pm, £6

Saturday 13 Krater Comedy Club The biggest regular comedy club in Brighton has the laughs rolled in here by Markus Birdman, In Stone and Paul Tonkinson, compered by Jimmy McGhie.

Pick a time to suit you from the ealy and late shows. Plus, there’s another chance to catch it all on Sunday. Komedia, 6pm and 10pm, £16.50

American dream 56 modern American artists are featured in The American Scene at Brighton Museum The American Scene features around 80 prints by 56 leading modern American artists, including George Bellows, Edward Hopper, Grant Wood, Josef Albers, Louise Bourgeois and Jackson Pollock.

The first half of the 20th century was a period of great change in America, and this exhibition examines American society and culture through the prints produced by some of the most important artists of the time, beginning with John Sloan‘s Ashcan School etchings of everyday urban experience in

the early 1900s and concluding with Jackson Pollock and the abstract expressionism in the 1950s. Many of the images in the intervening period explore the changing urban landscape of New York, the onset of the Depression, the romanticised visions of the American heartlands by the Regionalists, the response to the rise of Fascism in Europe and America’s entry into the Second World War. The American Scene: Prints From Hopper to Pollock, Brighton Museum & Art Gallery, until 31 August

Art listings Ditchling Museum Church Lane, Ditchling 01273 844744 Drawn from Ditchling: Portraits from a Sussex Village Portraits from the Museum’s collection – paintings and drawings, caricatures and photographs, word and film – celebrate the artists who have lived in Ditchling as well as local people who have drawn, painted and photographed in this village.

• Until December 2009, TuesSat 10.30am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

University of Brighton Grand Parade 01273 643010 Burt Brill & Cardens Graduate Show Annual showcase of new work by 500 graduates and which attracts up to 15,000 visitors per year.

•Until 11 June, 10–8pm (9–10 June), 10am–4pm (11 June)

Brighton Museum & Art Gallery Royal Pavilion Gardens 01273 290900 The American Scene: Prints From Hopper to Pollock 56 modern American artists are featured at this popular exhibition documenting America from the turn of the century to the 1950s.

Until 31 Aug, Tues 10am–7pm, Wed–Sat 10am–5pm, Sun 2–5pm

Charleston Farmhouse Firle, Lewes 01323 811626 The Quentin Follies Art Auction Exhibition Some of Britain’s best artists, including Sir Peter Blake and Maggi Hambling, have supported Charleston farmhouse by donating original work to the 2009 Quentin Follies Art Auction. This exhibition/auction

offers the chance to purchase orginal works of art, with all proceeds going to the Quentin Bell Commemoration Fund.

•Until 11 July, Wed-Sun 12.30–6pm

De La Warr Pavilion Bexhill-on-sea 01424 229111 Susan Collins: Seascape New body of work by this artist. Combining digital technologies with traditional English landscape painting.

•Until 14 June, open every day, 10am–6pm

Rodhus Gallery 16-30 Hollingdean Road 01273 694124 Josh Johnson: Next to the Speakers An exhibition of paintings at this new gallery space.

•12–17 June, Mon–Fri 9am–5.30pm

019_LS427 Music_News

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MUSIC NEWS 19

latest music

with Jeff Hemmings

★ artists ★ interviews ★ gigs ★ new releases ★ clubs ★ djs ★ chart ★

news ▲

Blow Up You might be old enough to remember a Brighton band called Blow Up, who were signed to the legendary Creation label in the late 80s and were big news for a while, reworking a 60s psychedelic garage sound (which was the flavour of the time thanks to outfits like pre-Loaded Primal Scream) into a post C86 indie groove that never quite invaded the mainstream. In the end they toured for a few years, released two excellent albums on Cherry Red and then split up and disappeared almost with no trace. However, a compilation of their finest moments has been released, The Kerbstones Turn To Moss, a reminder of how good this band were.

▲

Festival coaches The environemntaly friendly Big Lemon bus company are providing transport to Glastonbury, Secret Garden Party, Download, Beachdown and many other destinations this summer including Thorpe Park and Dover Castle.

Run on bio-fuel they are increasingly becoming a part of the local landscape. www.thebiglemon.com

Indie legends.

Saturday 22 Aug, Concorde 2

Captain Sensible is back on the road with the original punks The Damned. Jeff Hemmings spoke with him t’s been 33 years (and a third?) since The Damned’s debut single New Rose came out on seminal punk label Stiff, and became the first ever ‘punk’ single.

“I didn’t think it would last three weeks.

Although we could play a bit; your Rick Wakemans, Claptons, Yes, Genesis – if they could get played by the note they would have made stupid amounts of cash (which they did, of course). Punk was more about passion and trying to change things,” says Captain Sensible, original member of The Damned, one of the foursome (along with The Buzzcocks, The Sex Pistols and Chelsea) of punk bands that trailblazed the world back in ‘76.

So, punk was a reaction against prog rock then? “No, not really. There was good prog and bad prog. I liked The Groundhogs and Soft Machine and I grew up listening to Peter Green and Jimi Hendrix.” Sensible is a great guitarist, and gives lie to the tired old notion that you couldn’t play more than three chords if you were to be a punk.

“We've had a new lease of life these last few years – bands like Green Day drop our name and we get a lot of youngsters to our shows, which is quite impressive. We must have been doing something right all those years ago – people like loud, fast music, with a cracking tune and an antiestablishment lyric.”

Take ‘Smash It Up’, one of their hit singles from the punk days. “The BBC rang me up; ‘Alright Captain, that's not an incitement to riot, is it’? ‘No, certainly not, it’s a buzzy catchphrase’. But actually I wanted to see people marching down the

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the

Big

Wedding Present

The good captain

gig

road to the Houses of Parliament chanting ’smash it up, smash it up’. We need that kind of song today!” he laughs.

The Damned have been hitting the road hard these last few years, and recently released a very good album So, Who’s Paranoid? But the Captain is still a political animal at heart. “I've formed my own political party, the Blah Party. As in, ‘Oh look there’s a liar on TV talking nonsense’… You can stand up on stage and behave disgracefully and people pay you! Just like in Parliament!”

The Damned + The Alarm, Concorde 2, Saturday 13 June.

UPCOMING GIGS Jarvis Cocker 16 June, Dome Athlete 16 June, Concorde 2 Billy Bragg 17 June, Dome Jeff Beck 24 June, Dome The Answer 24 June, Concorde 2 The Saturdays 25 June, Dome Georgie Fame 26 June, Dome Ozamatli 1 July, Concorde 2 Bryan Adams 2 July, Dome M83 6 July, Concorde 2 The Bar-Kays 2 July, Old Market La Excelenci 9 July, Old Market Freak Power 10 July, Concorde 2 Loop 11-12 July, Victoria Gardens Still Black:Still Proud 13 July, Concorde 2 Bill Callahan 18 Aug, Duke of York’s

Wedding Present 27 Aug, Concorde 2 Sister Sledge 27 Aug, Concorde 2 Beachdown 28-31 August Average White Band 8 Sept, Concorde 2 Talvin Singh 23 Sept, Concorde 2 Kelly Joe Phelps 29 Sept, Komedia Brighton Live 30 Sept-3 Oct Hockey 1 October, Digital Joan Baez 5 Oct, Dome Skindred 19 Oct, Concorde 2 Orquesta Buena Social Club 20 Oct, Dome Bloc Party 24 Oct, Brighton Centre Dizzee Rascal 27 Oct, Dome Dreadzone 2 Nov, Komedia UB40 9 Dec, Brighton Centre Jools Holland 12 Dec, Brighton Centre

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20 MUSIC REVIEWS | CHART

REVIEWS A weekly review of local and national releases intage funk and soul never really went away but we had to endure an awful lot of substandard stuff during the 90s and much of this decade. However, there’s a whole new tranche of acts who seem to have discovered the meaning of funk and the heart of soul. Like Brighton’s Laura Vane who, like Alice Russell, can belt it out with the best, but who has in her armoury some rather fantastic songs of the vintage funk variety. There’s also a little bit of Amy Winehouse in her more jazzy tunes, and while the sound and feel can feel a little too retro at times, there’s no denying the power of the funk as expressed by Vane and her accomplished band The Vipertones on their debut album.

Evan Dando recently made an appearance here in Brighton during The Great Escape, armed with just a guitar.

But while there is no denying his heartfelt and soulful songs that translate well in an unplugged setting, it’s his Lemonheads that have always been the ones. Never one to shy away from a good cover (Mrs Robinson being one of his most well known ones) he’s decided to do a whole album of covers; Varshons, an idea apparently inspired by his producer and ringmaster of the madmen that make up the Butthole Surfers (yes, you read that right…). Gram Parsons, Leonard Cohen, Wire, Townes Van Zandt and others get the Evan Dando treatment, which generally works pretty well and shows what an eclectic guy he is, but with an obvious fondness for country-rock.

Brighton’s Carnival Collective have been around for many years now, parading through the streets and clubs of Brighton with their uptempo, spirited, noisy and musical drum’n’bass, dub, samba and funk fusion. Nowadays they can lend a hand to almost anything as evidenced on Freak Rocket, an album recorded live at Concorde 2 and featuring original songs.

Probably this country’s most celebrated label celebrates 50 years in the business this year with a series of high profile concerts and a great new book. Keep On Running documents the Island story, from the late 50s when Chris Blackwell brought back a few lo-fi recordings from Jamaica and started flogging them wherever he could, through the folk, psychedelic and rock explosions of the late 60s and early 70s via the massive success of Bob Marley and a slew of reggae artists to the present day with Amy Winehouse and newer acts such as The Fratellis and Florence & The Machine. It’s a great book brought to life with some outstanding artwork through the years.

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Sanctuary Cafe, Hove Thurs JUNE 25th

SPEED DATING (ages 30-45) To book tel:

07876 453210

The Laughing Onion Jean-Jacques Jordane “Sings Paris” for small parties

8 to 24 people 3 courses £17.95

01273 696555

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/chart

Brighton Latest Download Chart Top 10 ★ 1 Jaybee – Crazy Pearl ★ 2 Portslade – Waking Up 3 Surfhunter – Bessie 4 Tubba 3 Ply – Gerhard 5 DJ Messa/Matt Perry Feat Kirsty Sillars – Somero 6 Jaybee – My Imaginary Friend 7 Jaybee – Identity 8 The Red Attack – And You Command Everybody...

9 Chaos Borne – I Will 10 Mr resonate – Brighton bubblin feat. Lionheart Jaybee, the twisted singer-songwriter of Lewes pastures, stomps out all competition with three top ten slots this week. Portslade are whacking things with sticks to create some second position dirty lounge, whilst Surfhunter ride on down to three. Plus Tubba 3 Ply’s computer wizardry holds ‘Somero’ down at five.

11 Jaybee Amen 12 Chaos Borne Watching 13 Surrender Monkeys With Friends Like These?

14 Chaos Borne The Moment 15 Portslade Girls and Boys 16 The Mojo Fins Always Now 17 The Woo!worths K O N I C H I W A (dem oh) 18 Surrender Monkeys John Agar Was Right 19 sMs A new sequence 20 No Sharp Objects Home 21 Mr resonate All that im not 22 tenek If I Should Fall – ep version 23 Pete Lambrou with Rhia Lock To Silence Our Little Hearts 24 Mr resonate The opposite vibe feat.

North Laine & Lionheart 25 sMs I’m Sorry Dave

26 Freudstein Sister Sleaze 27 Crawlspace Shivers 28 tenek State Of Mind 29 Swarf Parlour Tricks 30 Heavyman Roses 31 Caramel Jack Curtain 32 N-D-E Incredible Machine 33 Strangers From Birth Airborne Plankton Storm 34 Sparker 1000 DAYS (NOW I WANT YOU) 35 Last Days Of Lorca Big Green Parcel Machine 36 Offside Nothing Wrong With Me 37 The Adam Kidd Band Into The Night 38 R21 Proved You Wrong 39 Leah Beautifully Broken 40 Hollywood Assassins Switchblade

★

ZODIAC DRIVER TRAINING Chris Peters DSA ADI

07768 863175 Learner Refresher Advanced Pass plus Registered Brighton Area

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MUSIC | BAR & CLUBS 21

Music listings

Bar & Club listings

Tuesday 9 to Monday 15 June

Tuesday 9 to Monday 15 June

Tuesday 9 Ocean Reid + Pippa Drysdale Likened to Joni Mitchell, Thom Yorke and Van Morrison. Plus folk pop from Pippa. Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £3.

U.F.O Formed 40 years ago, hard rockers U.F.O are back recording and touring. Concorde 2, 7pm, £18.

Welcome to the Machine + For Marla + Videodrome Prince Albert, 8pm, free.

Concorde 2, 7pm, £19.50.

Dolly Dagger Sussex’s leading tribute to the mighty Jimi Hendrix. Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £3.

Riot Riot + Machetes + Kensingtons + Carter Brown Spunky garage punkers. Prince Albert, 8pm, free.

South Coast Soul Revue Classic and contemporary soul and funk music. The Brunswick, 8pm, £7.

Wednesday 10

Saturday 13

12 Stone Toddler + Rapskallion + The Sly Tones Loud guitars, stomping beats and electric hooks. Concorde 2, 8pm, £6.

Chester French Freebutt, 8pm, free.

Club NME with Jumping Ships Brighton Coalition, 10pm, free.

Marie Dance + Falsetto Teeth + Innocent Bystander Tearing out all kinds of rock, from alternative to acoustic. Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £2.

Music Monthly Showcase A free evening of live music with Sweden’s Mates of Mine.

The Hope, 8pm, free.

Orbital Roof-raising dance from the godfathers of techno. Dome, 7pm, £23.

Penny Motel + Sparrow + The Super wolfgang Wayward noise rock with a drugged out psych metal feel! Prince Albert, 8pm, free.

Deadbeat Descendant + guests High octane rock with punchy rhythms and plenty of legtwitching! Prince Albert, 8pm, free.

Dennis Bovell Dub Band Britain’s reggae maestro, with support from dub reggae outfit Rebel Control. 8pm, All Saints, Lewes Electrocious Presents The Woo!worths + Pope Joan The Hope, 8pm, £6/5 NUS. Flashguns Freebutt, 8pm, free.

Purple Energetic and vibrant delivery of classic Deep Purple tracks! Portland Rock Bar, 9pm, £5.

Stay Sick Garage/Punk night with live bands and DJs. Hectors House, 8pm, free.

The Damed and The Alarm A triple bill of rousing British rock. Concorde 2, 7pm, £20.

We Got Soul presents Mike Mayfield Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5/4.

Wide Eyed Order + Hoo Ha’s + Malarki Folk and lyrics from one of Brighton’s hottest bands plus Malarki dish some funk reggae flavours.

Latest Music Bar, 8pm, £5.

Thursday 11 Astrid Williamson (album launch party) Prince Albert, 8pm, free.

Ben Okafor The Brunswick, 8pm, £10/7.

Club Futile with The Worldonfire + Baghdad Country Club Indie rock. The Hope, 8pm, £3.

Hoochie Couchie Lounge with Lucho Bluesy folk and the hottest, funkiest house band in town! The Hanbury Club, 7pm, £10/8.

It’s Alive Presents... Andrea Kenny & The Calvary + Wide Eyed Order + Dizzy Heights Hectors House, 8.30pm, free.

Katy Perry Dome, 7pm, £13.50.

The Joy Formidable Guitars that cause an earthquake and melodies that tear hearts to shreds! Audio, 7pm, £6.

The Spirit Of Gravity Bags of female electronica, electro-acoustic fun from Dan Powell and Chris Cook and art-chaos from MSG. Komedia, 8.30pm, £8.50/4.

Zora Marlborough Bar & Theatre, 9pm, free.

Friday 12 Brighton Jazz Club A wide selection of the jazz world’s most extravagant talents. Komedia, 8pm, £12/8.

Croc Servo with A Scandal in Bohemia + Beatabet Orchestra + Chechnya Blast The Hope, 9pm, £4/3 NUS. De La Soul – Beachdown warm-up Eclectic sampling and quirky, surreal lyrics from the Grammy Award-winning hip-hop bunch.

Sunday 14 Alan Clayson & The Argonauts A traveling rock asylum! Expect bags of frivolity, 70s style.

Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £5/4.

Andy Irvine Towering Irish talent on the International folk scene. Komedia, 8pm, £12.

Jonquil Freebutt, 8pm, free.

Lemuria + Crazy Arm +Dave House + Hot Damn! + Hometown Show + Pecker Prince Albert, 6pm, free.

One Taste Collective A collaborative goldmine of rhythms, words and inspired performance.

Hanbury Club, 7.30pm, £9/7.

Patrick Piano presents the Rod Stewart tribute night Latest Music Bar, 7pm, £6.

Skaville UK Happy British, ska/reggae vibes to get a skank on to. Engine Rooms, 7pm, £5.

Monday 15 Breakthrough with Rough Trade The best breaking acts around. Latest Music Bar, 7.30pm, £5/4 NUS. Johnny Cash evening with Sweet Sweet Lies + Matt English and the Murders + more! Prince Albert, 8pm, free.

Soulfly Brazilian heavy metal. Concorde 2, 7.30pm, £14.

Jaime Pettit

Tuesday 9

Saturday 13

Audio Snide. 10pm–2am, £3/2 Brighton Coalition Latin Fever. Fine salsa and Latin rhythms. 10pm–2am, free Digital Glitterati. A classy night for student types. 11pm–3am, £5/3 NUS Funky Buddha Lounge Subsplash. All star dub tracks and dub on the rising. 10.30pm, free/3 New Hero This Exists. Fresh music for cool kids! 10pm, £2 Pavilion Tavern Guerilla Rocks. Indie, rock, metal and punk mash-up. 10:30pm–3am, £1–3

Al Duomo Brighton Beat Club. 60s dancefloor crackers. 10pm-2am, £5 Arc Hold Up. Indie night. 10:30pm–4am, £5 Audio SoL’s Winter Sessions. 11pm–4am, free Brighton Coalition Floorplay. Ibiza-influenced dance vibes. 10.30pm-4am, £10-7 Digital BlahBlahBlah - 2nd Birthday. Shooting electro through everything garage for a monster birthday bash with Herve. 11pm-4am, £7 Engine Rooms Punk Rock Karaoke.

10pm-3am, £2 Funky Buddha Lounge Buddha Soul.

10pm–3am, £10 Followed by: Marlon M Presents. 3am, £5/3 Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club. Soul, funk, old skool, 60s and 70s tunes. 10pm-3am, £6/3.50 Hanbury Club We Luv Pop – Anthems. From Madge to GaGa! 7pm-2am, £8/6 Honey Club Sevensins Big room electro, trance and house. 10.30pm–5am, £12/5 NUS Jam EBoogie. E-lectronic. 9pm–2am, free.

Komedia 60s femme pop, soul sirens, sister funk and chicks with licks. 11pm, £5/4 La Tropicale Houseworks. Quality house music from across the world. 8pm–4am, £6/free b4 11 Micro@Digital Sea Bass. Dubstep, electro, house, tech and bassline. 11pm-4am, £7 New Hero It Is Still 1985. An alternative 80s night! 10pm, £3 Om Bar and Club Heavy Disco. Deep disco tech with guest DJ, Ali Broadcast. 9pm, free Followed by: Organic Summer Holiday. Quality funky and tech house. 3.30am, £5/4 Po Na Na .Silk. 10pm–3am, £10–5 Tru Girl’s Night Out. 9pm, free-8.50 Volks Bangers ‘n’ Mash Up – 3rd Birthday.

Reggae, Dubstep and Grime.11pm-4am, £tbc

Wednesday 10 Arc Life is Easy. 10pm, free b4 12/£1 after Audio A mish-mash of humorous anecdotes from Fulham MC, Example. 11pm–2:30am, £5/3 Brighton Coalition Club NME. A beerfest with live bands and DJs. 10:30pm–3:30am, free Po Na Na Urban Chic. R’n’b, hip-hop, dance hall and funky house. 10pm, free/£2 Volks Genetics. Liquid, soulful, progressive bass and breaks. 10pm–3am, £1 b4 12/£2 after

Thursday 11 Audio Shameless Presents Quids In. 11pm, £1 Honey Club Contagious. House and dance anthems. 10:30pm–3am, £3/1 New Hero Pop Kraft. 10pm–2am, £2 Po Na Na Secret Discotheque. Return to the 80s. 10pm–3am, £3/2

Friday 12 Al Duomo Legion Of Dub 10th Birthday Dance.

The finest dub and roots reggae. 11pm-5am, £5 Arc Some Kind of Wonderful. 60s dance floor classics. 11pm–3am, £3 Audio Quantic. Hard-to-find tropical beats.

10pm-3am, £tbc Brighton Coalition Phuct Up. Cutting edge dirty and tech house. 11pm-4am, £8-5 Concorde 2 Super Dub Pressure. With Super dub duo the Digital Mystics! 11pm-4am, £10/8 Digital Stonelove. 101% maximum indie rock’n’roll, DJ and live bands. 11pm– 3am, £4 Engine Rooms Deviant. 11pm–3am, £5/3 Funky Buddha Lounge Not For Squares. Deep, soulful and tech house 11pm, £6-3 Funky Fish The Funky Fish Club.

10pm–3am, £6/3.50 Honey Club Union Student Party with Pendulum. 10.30pm-4am, £tbc Komedia Balkaneasca. A wild, frenzied mix of brass-heavy Gypsy Beats.11pm, £6/5 Latest Music Bar Soup? Big party tracks. Funk, breaks and old skool.10pm-5am, £5/3.50 New Hero Somewhere in the Universe.

Alternative electro dance. 10pm, £5/3 Pavilion Tavern Kick Out the Jams.

Rock’n’Roll. 10:30pm–3am, £5/3 Po Na Na Ice Box. Funky house night.

10pm–3am, £5/4 Tru Crunch. 10pm–2am, £5/free b4 11

Sunday 14 Arc Irie A shake up of ragga. 10pm–3am, £5/3 Honey Club Sundelicious. 10pm–3am, £2/1 Komedia Baby Loves Disco. Beats for babies!

2pm, £8/free The Open House We Change the Frequency Global tunes from across the genres. 8pm, free

Monday 15 Brighton Coalition Trash Mondays. 10:30pm– 3am, £3/free Honey Club Disco Babe.10:30pm–2:30am,£3/1 Om Bar and Club Spun. 8.30pm, £3 Po Na Na Fat Poppadaddys.10pm–2:30am£3/1

Jaime Pettit

022_LS427 gay news/listings

6/5/09

1:39 PM

Page 2

22 LATEST GAY

BRIGHTON’S ONLY WEEKLY GAY GUIDE NEWS

Gay listings Tuesday 9 to Monday 15 June Tuesday 9 Amsterdam Tuesday Social. Chase away the Monday blues with wine and music. 7pm, free Brighton Tavern Games Galore. Sticking it to maturity. 12pm, free Charles Street Bar Two’s Company. A double dose of cabaret from Maisie Trollette and Miss Jason. 9pm, free.

Ghetto Quiz Alicious and Twisted Karaoke.

Hosted by Mistress Cat. 8pm, free Legends Relax – It’s Tuesday. Friendly bar with smoking/sun terrace. Bar open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Drag King Night. Relax with a handsome king. 8pm, free Queen’s Arms Skint. Unlimited drinks for a tenner! Plus DJ and karaoke. 12pm–3am, free Revenge Sound As A Pound. A mid-week mash-up throwing out 80s, 90s, 00s, electro, pop, dance and cheese. 10.30pm, £1.

The Basement Scene Queen. DJ Lil Alex spins the soundtrack. All welcome!

11pm–4am, free.

Village life A

networking event was so successful it will become a regular feature in the Brighton calendar. Village Drinks, the social networking group for lesbian and gay professionals, restarted in Brighton last month with an event at Latest Music Bar. The night was extremely well attended.

The next event is this Thursday, 11 June, at Hotel du Vin. Guests will have exclusive use of the Gallery and of the venue’s outdoor terrace. Admission will be free of charge but attendees must register via www.villagedrinks.co.uk.

There will be welcome drinks, chocolates, name badges and hosts to help you mingle. Among the hosts will be Cat Harding, presenter of Brighton’s only gay breakfast radio show, Up and Out on Radio Reverb.

Past speakers at Village Drinks events have included Norman Baker, MP for Lewes. There are also regular events in London.

Follow Village Drinks on Facebook or Twitter (twitter.com/villagedrinks).

Cat Harding

Crossword solutions Solution Cryptic 197

ACROSS: 1 Clarionet 8 Tier 9 Quicksand 11 Ernest 13 Peels 15 Exit 16 Flair 17 Trout 18 Reeve 19 Flea 20 Scale 22 Bitter 25 Telescope 26 Tiff 27 Slumberer. DOWN: 2 Loud 3 Rocket 4 Ousel 5 Erne 6 Miserable 7 Fraternal 10 Drift 12 Reprobate 13 Pikestaff 14 Spots 17 Tenet 19 Fleche 21 Cream 23 Reel 24 Apse Solution to Quick 197

ACROSS: 1 Avalanche 8 Lump 9 Direction 11 Toupee 13 Marsh 15 Play 16 Sorts 17 Balmy 18 Canal 19 Bean 20 Other 22 Letter 25 Penetrate 26 Task 27 Protested. DOWN: 2 Veil 3 Leeway 4 Notes 5 Hoot 6 Supporter 7 Appeasing 10 Noisy 12 Speculate 13 Magnetism 14 Hello 17 Bleep 19 Beards 21 Treat 23 Rear 24 Stye. © Crossword Shop

Wednesday 10 Amsterdam Student Karaoke. 8pm, free.

Brighton Tavern Wednesday’s Wine Club.

12pm, free.

Ghetto Transition. DJ Peter Von Sleaze spins rock, metal and 80s. 10pm, £2.50 Latest Music Bar Gay Tango. 7–8pm absolute beginners, 8–9.30pm improvers, 9.30–11pm practical/social dancing. From 7pm, £10 Legends Gabbi’s Fun and Frolicks. Gabbi’s madcap party night from 9pm. 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre In-house Darts League. Nightly and annual prizes.

8pm, £3 Queen’s Arms An Evening of Queervoyance & Spice’s Cabaret. 12pm, £3/3.50.

R-Bar Midweek Chill. DJ Lil Alex spins on the decks plus a 99p rush bar! 12pm, free Revenge London to Brighton. Bringing the upfront house sounds of London Taaan to Brighton with MOS and Housexy resident, Jake Duval. 10.30pm–3am, £4/2.

The Basement Gabbi’s Dirty Handbag. Dirty handbag and house tunes. 11pm–4am, free

Thursday 11 Charles Street Bar & Club Mad Cow XXL – My Cow is on Fire. DJs Lil Alex and LeeRoy spinning funky house across two floors.

8pm–3am, £1.

Ghetto HDSM. Leather to lycra with Jon Byrne splashing out hard dirty sexy music.

10pm, £4/3 Marlborough Bar and Theatre Open Mic Night. Hosted by Lucy Checkley. 9pm, free Queen’s Arms See Tues. 12pm–3am, free R-Bar Pre-Girls on Top Party. Verity sets the mood from 9.30pm. Bar open 12pm–2am, free Revenge Girls On Top is 2 Years Old. Don your camo vests n war paint and get filthy in the trenches for this Army b’day bash.

10.30pm–4am, free b4 11.30 with passes, £4/5 after The Basement Boys Below. Men only night.

Chart hit remixes and dance anthems.

11pm–4am, free

Friday 12 Charles Street Bar Fairylea. Classic cheese, trash and oldies. Bar open 11am, free Charles Street Club Curiosity Lite. Trashy disco pop. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Popstarz. Indie recent and retro with Tommy Turntables. 10pm, free b4 11pm Legends Pre-Celebration. Pure Pop. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar & Theatre Gemini Party.

Themed decor and live. 9pm, free.

Queen's Arms The Annual My Gay QA Contest.

Buff those buns and tone as the Annual Mr Gay QA pageant hits town. 12pm–2am, free.

R-Bar Tops & Bottoms. DJ Smiffy brings Girls on Top tunes to R-Bar. Open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Lollipop Reloaded Vs Altitude.

Camping it up another notch with an exclusive DJ set from Laquisha Jonz. 10.30pm–5am, free b4 11pm, £5/3 after The Basement Celebration with Dolly Rocket. Girly pop and handbag. 11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Thank Funk it’s Friday. Funk, disco and retro classics. 12pm.

The Zone Friday Night Karaoke. 9pm, free.

Saturday 13 Brighton Tavern HRH Birthday Party. Sloshing out jugs of Pimms all day followed by a Birthday party fit for all Queens at 8pm. 8pm–2am, free.

Charles Street Club Mardi Gras.

11pm–3am, £5/3 Ghetto Wigout. A kitschy, cool night for the seriously unserious. 10pm, free b4 11pm Legends Pre-Ignition. DJs from 7pm plus bar and terrace open all day. 7pm, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Queen Jo At The Marly. HRH Queen Josephine joins the Marlborough for a little funky house fabulousness. 9pm, free.

Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Lillie La France + Karaoke. Vocalists, comedians and drag (3.30pm–5.30pm). Then party with Kamp Kevin til midnite! Bar open 12pm, free.

R-Bar Kinky Classics. From 9pm with Dulcie Danger. Bar open 12pm–7am, free Revenge Kinky Dangerous. Two top DJs, two floors of funky house, electro and pop equals 5.5 hours of frolics.10.30pm–4am, £7/3 The Basement Ignition. Funky house and chart remixes from DJ Peter Castle.

11pm–4am, free The PV at The Jury’s Out Viva La Divas + Booty Call - 80s Theme Party! The Charity Shop Girls spin nostalgic 80s vinyls. 12pm.

The Zone Presents... Kitty Monroe. Songs and tall tales. 9.30pm, free

Sunday 14 Amsterdam Sunday Lunch and Connie’s Karaoke. Roast then karaoke from 8pm.

12pm–1am, free Audio Sunday Sundae. Disco tinged classic dance with Kate Wildblood and co. 6pm, £5/3 Cuckoo Club Cash Queen. Sexy, soulful, funky house delivered by the very dishy special guest, DJ Nathan6. 10.30pm–3am, £5/3.

Ghetto EuroTrash. Anything goes at this crazy art-pop-cabaret shenanigan! 10pm, free.

Legends Sunday Cabaret with Lady Imelda.

Then chill out in the bar. 3.15pm, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Sunday Quiz.

7pm, £1 per entrant Queen’s Arms Cabaret: Karen Noble + Karaoke. (5.30pm). 12pm, free R-Bar Sublime Sundays & Barmy Bingo.

12pm–2am, free Revenge Rainbow Beats. Funky house beats with a spanish twist. 10.30pm–4am, £tbc.

The Basement Fever. Disco and pop remixes with new DJ, Ross Alexander.

11pm–4am, free

Monday 15 Amsterdam The Big Quiz. 7pm, £1 per player Charles Street Club Studio 150. 10pm–2am, £1.50 Ghetto Frat Party. Indie, electro and credible pop plus drinking games! 10pm, £1.50 Legends Dave Lynn and Friends. Hysterical night of cabaret from 9.30pm. Open 11am–5am, free Marlborough Bar and Theatre Trans Night.

Hosted with the Clare Project. 8.30pm, free R-Bar Miss Jason’s Madhouse. Regular cabaret night plus a Wii Zone and free pool!

10pm, free The Basement Chic. Decades of delicious disco anthems. 11pm–4am, free

023_LS427_TV_Tues

6/4/09

2:18 PM

Page 1

tuesday 9 Property Snakes and Ladders Channel 4, 8pm When one chap loses another chap gains. So believe the hopeful developers in the Beeny’s latest show, and she’s there to show them how. As prices have dropped, first-time developers in Battersea try and turn a profit on their four-bedroom terrace, with cunning tips. Follow the Beeny.

Mary Queen Of Charity Shops BBC2, 9pm Mary Portas, after turning her retail magic onto ailing regular shops has now proffered a general offer of help to the charity shops across the nation.

Teaching a class of volunteers how to razzle dazzle the punters and make their mark on the high street. Budget retail therapy.

House Sky 1, 9pm & 10pm A double bill of the latest series about a cantankerous but brilliant doctor. A bit like a whodunnit about germs and diseases usually, the opening kicker comes when House decides to take on the case of an artist painting bizarre portraits. Surely that’s moving with the times. Followed by an insight into House’s family.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Raven - The Dragon’s Eye 4.05 Richard Hammond’s Blast Lab 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MyWish 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Mortified 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Science Clips 11.10 Science Clips 11.20 Let’s Write A Story 11.40 Emotional Literacy 11.50 Emotional Literacy 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Tennis: Queen’s 2009 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Flog It! Mark Stacey and Kate Bliss enjoy valuing the best local antiques and collectibles of maritime city Swansea.

7.00 Ian Hislop’s Changing Of The Bard Ian Hislop takes an amused and affecting look at one of the most peculiar offices in the British establishment, that of Poet Laureate.

Its 341-year history produces a gloriously eccentric picture of who we are, how we are ruled, what we want to say about ourselves and just how hard it is to do that in verse.

8.00 Springwatch The latest live updates from the Springwatch animal stars. Tweet!

9.00 Mary Queen Of Charity Shops See highlights.

10.00 Gerry Robinson’s Car Crash Troubleshooter Sir Gerry Robinson investigates Britain’s ailing car industry. In search of short- and longterm answers to the problems, Sir Gerry gets stuck in on the production line at Nissan’s Sunderland factory and asks Sir James Dyson whether Britain should be in the business of manufacturing at all.

10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Cricket: World Twenty20 The best action and reaction from Lords.

12.20am The Apprentice: You’re Hired 1.20 BBC News 4.00 Art And Design 5.00 Class Clips

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 The Biggest Loser 5.00 Divided

6.00am The Cubeez 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.30 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Don’t Make Me Angry 10.30 Vocation, Vocation, Vocation 11.00 Tricky Business Two 11.35 TV Is Dead? 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Postmodern Pastimes 12.45 The City Gardener 1.20 FILM: Legend Of The Lost (1957) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Cindy panics when she discovers that Tony has hired Darren, who soon lets the power go to his head. Abi frets when Ste tells her that Mike has offered to look after Lucas while he enrols on an HND. Annoying attentive grandad.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Property Snakes And Ladders See highlights.

9.00 I’m Running Sainsbury’s Series in which Sainsbury’s chief executive Justin King explores new business ideas suggested by employees of the retail giant. PA announcer Barbara Bentley, who has 30 years of sales experience, proposes to introduce specialist shop floor sellers. Who wants to buy a shop floor? Anyone?

10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house.

11.05 The Big Bang Theory Flat-share comedy. Leonard and Koothrappali take a heartbroken Wolowitz to Las Vegas, leaving Sheldon locked out of his apartment.

11.40 My Name Is Earl Comedy.

Inspired by Earl, Billie starts to create a list of her own.

12.05am 4Music Intros: Tommy Sparks 12.10 PokerStars.com 1.10 Big Brother: Live 4.00 The Blue Dragon (x5) 5.15 What’s So Good About (x2) 5.45 Making It (x3)

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.37 Little Lodgers 8.40 Pocoyo 8.45 Mio Mao 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Baby For Sale (2004) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Someone is supplying Irene with alcohol – but who? The offy?

6.30 RSPCA: On The Frontline Documentary series following a group of newly qualified RSPCA inspectors.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary. The Royal Navy is called out when an air ambulance is suddenly grounded.

8.00 Secrets Of Egypt: Screaming Man Historical documentary series probing the secrets of Ancient Egypt.

Scientists attempt to unravel the mystery of a 3,000-year-old ‘screaming’ mummy.

9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. Doc Robbins turns detective to solve the mysterious deaths of a number of apparently unrelated victims.

10.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama series. A jet skier is killed by a piece of slate thrown from a bridge. During the course of the investigation Alexx discovers that her son has been keeping unsavoury company.

11.00 CSI: NY Crime drama series.

When the body of a young woman is discovered at a laundry facility, the bed sheets she is wrapped in lead Mac and Stella back to an upscale New York hotel.

12.00am The Shield 1.00 International Rugby Union 1.55 NBA: The Finals 2009

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 The Irish Golfer 10.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 12.00pm Wild Spirits 12.30 F1 Powerboats 1.00 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 Football Asia 10.00 NFL – Total Access 11.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am Football Asia 1.30 NFL – Total Access 2.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 4.30 Football Asia 5.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders Bianca is left out in the cold as Whitney and Debra’s bond grows stronger, but why are the police at the door? Is she a lag? Is she Dotty’s long lost ethical mother?

8.00 Holby City Faye’s wedding day does not go entirely to plan when her parents show up unexpectedly.

Unexpected parents? At a wedding?

Cripes! Next they’ll be having a surprise Best Man. 9.00 Living With Monkeys: Tales From The Treetops Documentary.

Adventurer Guy Grieve and primatologist Julie Anderson spend six weeks in the rainforest, trying to save one of the rarest monkeys. Their home is an treehouse, high in the canopy. Tarzan, eat your heart out.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 FILM: Lady In The Water (2006) Starring Paul Giamatti, Bryce Dallas Howard. Fantasy drama.

An apartment block janitor discovers what he thinks is a young woman in the swimming pool.

12.15am Weatherview 12.20 Sign Zone: See Hear See Hear 12.50 Keep It In The Family 1.50 Calendar Girls: 10 Years On 2.50 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 3.20 The Unsellables 3.50 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Carl begins to think that he may be able to use Debbie to get his money from Cain. ‘Using Debbie’ will never be an easy task.

8.00 Nature’s Fury: Hurricane Chris Terrill goes in search of some of the world’s biggest storms. Today he tracks two enormous hurricanes, trying to get directly in the path of destruction. Is this really wise?

Dorothy had nothing but bad words about tornadoes.

9.00 Ladette To Lady Reality show in which a group of raucous Australian women are transformed into genteel ladies by the staff at Eggleston Hall. The remaining candidates face up to the daunting challenge of playing host to the cream of the country set when the prestigious Zetland Hunt pays a visit.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Don’t Call Me Stupid Celebrity quiz. Former Tory leader Michael Howard and dancer Wayne Sleep teach each other about one of their personal passions.

11.05 The Truth About Boy Bands Spice Girl Emma Bunton narrates this affectionate yet revealing documentary of 90s boy pop.

12.05am Red Bull Air Race 12.50 Supernatural 1.40 Loose Women 2.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.20 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 9.00 Poker 11.00 Speedway 1.00pm Poker 3.00 Speedway 5.00 NFL – Total Access 6.00 Sailing: Med Cup 6.30 Mountain Bike World 7.00 Football Asia 7.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 10.00 Poker 11.30 Football Asia 12.00am Ladies Euro Tour Golf 1.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 2.00 Volvo Ocean Race 3.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Sailing 7.30 The Irish Golfer 8.00 Powerboating 8.30 Wild Spirits 9.00 Bowls (x2) 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm The Irish Golfer 12.30 Ocean Adventures 1.00 Max Power 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Sailing 3.00 Bowls (x2) 5.00 The Irish Golfer 5.30 Powerboating 6.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 7.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 8.00 Bowls (x2) 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 12.00am Bowls (x2) 2.00 Modern Pentathlon 3.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

1.00pm Project Catwalk 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 House (x2). See highlights.

11.00 FILM: I Want Candy (2007) 12.45am Road Wars 1.45 Best Of Road Wars 2.40 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Make My Body Younger 9.00 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Bizarre Animal ER 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Make My Body Younger 12.50am Blood, Sweat And Takeaways 1.45 Bizarre Animal ER 2.15 My Life As An Animal: Horses

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 BBC Cardiff Singer Of The World 2009 9.00 The Great British Sunday 10.00 The Cult Of Poldark 10.30 Flight Of The Conchords 10.55 The Armstrong And Miller Show 11.25 Make ‘em Laugh 12.20am Angels Of Rio: Storyville 1.20 BBC Cardiff Singer Of The World 2009

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x20 7.00 I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09 8.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 9.00 FILM: Jurassic Park (1993) 11.25 FILM: American Pie: The Wedding (2003) 1.20am I’m A Celebrity...

USA ‘09 2.15 Teleshopping

12.15pm Rising Damp 12.50 Goodnight Sweetheart 1.25 Heartbeat 2.30 Upstairs, Downstairs 3.35 The Life And Crimes Of William Palmer 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Above Suspicion 10.35 Wire In The Blood 12.25am Wycliffe

1.35pm Big Brother 2.35 Friends 3.05 Desperate Housewives 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 10.00 FILM: Stuck On You (2003) 12.15am Big Brother: Live

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: Act Of God 11.35 Come Dine With Me 12.40am True Stories: Act Of God 2.10 Relocation, Relocation

1.45pm The Fix 2.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Ghost Hunters

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Does That Work?

8.00 Deadliest Catch 9.00 Oil Strike! 10.00 Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 11.00 Treasure Quest 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA: North Mission Road

12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Solar Attack (2005) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 Knight Rider 9.00 Dollhouse 10.00 FILM: Under Siege II: Dark Territory (1995) 12.00am FILM: Fire Serpent (2007) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Medium

10.30am The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 12.45pm Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 2.30 Holiday Inn (1942) 4.15 A Foreign Affair (1948) 6.15 Paint Your Wagon (1969) 9.00 Tell Them Willie Boy Is Here (1969) 10.45 Support Your Local Sheriff! (1969) 12.30am Kiss Of The Vampire (1963)

10.10am This Is My Father (1998) 12.10pm The Commitments (1991) 2.10 Fire (1996) 4.10 Earth (1998) 6.00 Water (2005) 8.00 This Is My Father (1998) 10.00 Crash (1996) 11.45 Eyes Wide Shut (1999) 2.25am Breaking The Waves (1996) 5.05 The Top 10 Show

11.00am The History Of Mr Polly (1949) 12.55pm The Spanish Gardener (1956) 2.45 The Men (1950) 4.30 The Sons Of Katie Elder (1965) 6.50 Holy Man (1998) 9.00 There’s Something About Mary (1998) Ben Stiller falls for Cameron Diaz. 11.20 The Navigators (2001) 1.30am The Long Day Closes (1992)

10.10am The FBI Story (1959) 1.00pm Critic’s Choice (1963) 3.00 Please Don’t Eat The Daisies (1960) 5.05 Lust For Life (1956) 7.25 Bad Day At Black Rock (1955) 9.00 Overnight Delivery (1996) 10.40 Dolores Claiborne (1995) 1.10am Overnight Delivery (1996) 2.40 Classic Shorts 08 3.00 Lucky Me (1954)

4.20pm The Brittas Empire 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 My Family 7.40 After You’ve Gone 8.20 The Green Green Grass 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 10.20 Hippies 11.00 Steptoe And Son 11.40 The Royle Family 12.20am Harry Enfield And Chums

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Scrubs 1.10 Jackass 1.40 Jongleurs Unleashed

Classics

Indie

024_LS427_TV_Wed

6/3/09

11:26 AM

Page 1

wednesday 10 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Five, 8pm It’s a double feature-ooney and the excellent news is the second part follows immediately after the first. None of this waiting a week malarkey. A shoot-out on the streets ends up with a row of dead bodies and allegations of police shooting unarmed men.

Grissom’s on the case.

Rich Stein’s Memoirs Of A Seafood Chef BBC2, 9pm Becoming a world famous seafood chef doesn’t happen overnight y’know. With friends and family commenting on the odyssey to success Rick undertook, here are some delightful tales spanning nearly thirty years in the tasty trade.

Gives us all hope.

Imagine... The Artist Formerly Known As Cat Stevens BBC4, 10.40pm Beloved in the 60s and 70s, begetter of a string of hits including ‘Moonshadow’, ‘Where Do The Children Play’ and ‘Morning Has Broken’, and spritual convert to Islam, here is his story. Cat Stevens or Yusef Islam – lovely music.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Raven - The Dragon’s Eye 4.05 Paradise Cafe 4.35 Blue Peter 5.00 MyWish 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 Freefonix 7.25 Newsround 7.30 Hider In The House 8.00 Mortified 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Alien Empire 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 Tennis: Queen’s 2009 5.15 Escape To The Country

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 The Biggest Loser 5.00 Divided

6.00am The Cubeez 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Lifeproof TV 10.30 Vocation, Vocation, Vocation 11.00 Tricky Business Two 11.35 TV Is Dead?

12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Postmodern Pastimes 12.45 Life Begins Again 1.50 FILM: The Raid (1954) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Football Asia 9.30 Mountainbike World 10.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 12.00pm Volvo Ocean Race 1.00 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket (x2) 9.30 LIVE International Football (x3) 4.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 5.00 Total Rugby

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Animal 24:7 Protecting pets.

8.00 Celebrity MasterChef John Torode and Gregg Wallace begin the search for the country’s top celebrity chef. This show features two heats.

In the first, Rosie Boycott, Joel Ross and Michael Obiora cook. In the second, Jan Leeming, Jayne Middlemiss and Joe Swift have a go.

Only two of these contestants will get through. The others may cry.

9.00 Living With Monkeys: Tales From The Treetops Adventurer Guy Grieve and primatologist Julie Anderson continue their expedition to the rainforest in Gabon, one of the least-explored places on Earth.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Draws Jodie Prenger is live from Lottery HQ. No pre-recorded lottery here.

10.45 FILM: Insomnia (2002) Starring Al Pacino, Robin Williams.

Crime drama about an LAPD detective who journeys to a small Alaskan town with his partner to investigate the murder of a 17-year-old girl.

12.35am Weatherview 12.40 Sign Zone: The Incredible Human Journey 1.40 Professor Regan’s... 2.40 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 3.10 The Unsellables 3.40 BBC News

6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Flog It! A collection of risque magazines is among the items that turn up to be valued in Yeovil. Matron!

7.00 Coast Geographer Nicholas Crane presents a 13-part journey around the coast of the United Kingdom, uncovering stories that have made us the island nation we are today.

8.00 Springwatch In Wales, Simon King has a seabird murder mystery to solve, while Gordon Buchanan will be hoping all is well with his badger family. So long as there isn’t a headstrong toad with a car fixation needing guidance they’ll be fine.

9.00 Rick Stein’s Memoirs Of A Seafood Chef See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Gavin Esler. As if everyone didn’t already know the attitudes towards government. Sweetness and light, of course.

11.20 Cricket: World Twenty20 Manish Bhasin introduces highlights from the final day of group matches at Trent Bridge, with defending champions India facing Ireland, and Sri Lanka taking on the West Indies in a potential qualifying decider.

12.20am BBC News 4.00 Class Clips 5.00 Engineering For The World

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 6.45 Emmerdale Sparks fly between Cain and Carl when Carl calls in Debbie’s loan. Hammer time!

7.15 Coronation Street David panics as his lies begin to surface. Maria is frightened by her contractions.

Romance blossoms between Rosie and Luke. Scary biscuits all round.

7.45 World Cup Qualifier: England V Andorra Steve Rider presents live coverage of England’s World Cup qualifier against Andorra from Wembley. This is England’s final qualifier of the season and they will hope to sign off with another three points on the road to South Africa 2010. With analysis from Andy Townsend and Teddy Sherringham, commentary by Clive Tyldesley and David Pleat, and pitchside reports from Gabriel Clarke and Ned Boulting.

10.20 The Late News; Weather 11.00 World Cup Qualifier Highlights: England V Andorra Matt Smith presents highlights of this evening’s World Cup 2010 qualifier between England and Andorra from Wembley. Commentary comes from Clive Tyldesley and David Pleat.

12.00am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Action Stations 12.55 Loose Women 1.45 The Jeremy Kyle Show 2.35 60 Minute Makeover 3.25 Cornershop Crunch Time: Tonight 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 - 8.00am Children’s telvision 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.37 Little Lodgers 8.40 Pocoyo 8.45 Mio Mao 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 2.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Danielle Steel’s Remembrance (1996) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Alf, Miles and Hugo make a gruesome discovery. Puff the Magic Dragon had been eating the sealing wax?

6.30 RSPCA: On The Frontline Documentary. Ian is faced with a dog that has savaged a cat.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Mean Machines Documentary series showcasing technologically advanced and historically important machines. This instalment examines the NASA crawler – a 2,721-tonne machine used to move a space shuttle. Massive!

8.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation See highlights.

9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Forensic drama.

Grissom and his CSI team continue to investigate the case of a traffic stop turned mile-long shoot-out.

10.00 FILM: Mad Max (1979) Starring Mel Gibson, Joanne Samuel, Hugh Keays-Byrne. Cult action drama set in a desolate near future when vicious motorcycle gangs roam the wastelands attacking what is left of civilisation. Mel Gibson’s calling card that got him into Hollywood. Make of that what you will.

11.55 PartyPoker.com European Open V 1.30am NHRA Drag Racing 3.05 Rolex Grand American 3.55 NHL Stanley Cup 2009 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Darren finds out that Tony and Cindy only hired him so he wouldn’t kill himself. Self-esteem is where exactly now? But nice thought.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 River Cottage Hugh FearnleyWhittingstall presents a new series of the food magazine, celebrating the best food that spring and summer have to offer. In this episode, Hugh introduces a leftovers night at the canteen. Bubble ‘n’ squeak – yum!

9.00 Embarrassing Bodies Among the patients this week are a woman with severely cracked skin on her hands and feet, a woman with webbed breasts who is considering cosmetic surgery, and a woman whose polycystic ovaries are causing her problems. Goodness gracious!

10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house.

11.05 My Monkey Baby Documentary about the US families who adopt monkeys, sometimes as a preferred option to having children.

12.10am 4Music Intros: The Rumble Strips 12.20 Bombay Bicycle Club 12.30 4 Music: Gaymers Grassroots Gigs: Starsailor 1.00 Dirty Sexy Money 1.50 Big Brother: Live 4.00 The Cooper Tyres British Formula 3 International Series 4.30 Gillette World Sport 5.00 World Superbikes

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 360 Series 10.00 Pool: World Cup Of Pool 11.00 Poker 12.30pm Football Asia 1.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 2.00 Football Asia 2.30 Poker 4.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 5.00 Total Rugby 5.30 Live Rugby Union 8.30 Total Rugby 9.00 European Tour Weekly 9.30 Rugby Union 11.00 LIVE Rugby Union (x2) 4.00am Close

Sky Sports 3 7.00am Volvo Ocean Race 8.00 European Seniors Tour Golf 9.00 Ladies Euro Tour Golf 10.00 Modern Pentathlon 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 360 Series 1.30 Mountain Bike World 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Sailing: Med Cup 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Volvo Ocean Race 5.00 NFL – Total Access 6.00 Boots ‘n’ All 7.00 Equestrianism 8.00 Boots ‘n’ All 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 360 Series 10.00 Boots ‘n’ All 11.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.00 Poker 3.30 Equestrianism 4.30 Close

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BBC4

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1.00pm Project Catwalk 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Noel’s Are You Smarter Than A TenYear-Old? 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Ross Kemp: In Search Of Pirates 11.00 Josef Fritzl: Story Of A Monster 12.00am Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Make My Body Younger 9.00 Kizzy: Sex, Prams And Exams 10.00 Katie Price: The Jordan Years 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 The Real Hustle On Holiday 12.20am Bizarre Animal ER 12.50 Katie Price: The Jordan Years 1.50 Make My Body Younger

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 BBC Cardiff Singer Of The World 2009 9.00 Crisis At The Castle 10.00 In Concert: Cat Stevens 10.40 Imagine... The Artist Formerly Known As Cat Stevens. See highlights.

11.35 BBC Four Sessions 12.35am Crisis At The Castle 1.35 Batman (x2)

1.30 pmThe Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09 8.00 Gossip Girl 9.00 FILM: American Pie Presents Band Camp (2005) 10.55 Coronation Street 11.25 FILM: Gun Crazy (1992) 1.30am I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09

12.15pm Rising Damp 12.50 Goodnight Sweetheart 1.25 Heartbeat 2.30 Upstairs, Downstairs 3.35 Doctor Zhivago 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 8.00 Monarch Of The Glen 9.00 Numb3rs 10.00 Life 11.00 FILM: Staying Alive (1983) 1.00am Doctor Zhivago

1.00pm Big Brother’s Little Brother 2.05 Big Brother 3.05 Desperate Housewives 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 My Name Is Earl 6.30 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 FILM: Batman (1989) 11.25 A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila 12.25am Big Brother: Live

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 Never Did Me Any Harm 10.00 Born To Be Different: Turning Nine 11.05 Dispatches: Crash Gordon 12.05am Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares

12.50pm Maury 1.45 The Fix 2.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 Grey’s Anatomy 9.00 Eleventh Hour 10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x3) 1.00am Charmed 2.00 Blood Ties

G.O.L.D

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Does That Work? 8.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 9.00 The Somme 11.00 Treasure Quest 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA (x2) 2.00 Solved

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Bone Eater (2007) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 FILM: Minority Report (2002) 10.50 FILM: Raging Sharks (2005) 12.40am FILM: Godsend (2004) 3.00 Medium

1.10pm The Movie Geek 1.40 Fourteen Hours (1951) 3.20 The Devil And Miss Jones (1941) 5.00 Pimpernel Smith (1941) 7.00 Spellbound (1945) 9.00 Steptoe And Son Ride Again (1973) 10.45 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea (1961) 12.35am Fourteen Hours (1951)

1.45pm Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993) 3.45 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 5.45 The Escapist (2001) 7.25 The Movie Geek 7.55 Control (2007) 10.00 In Bruges (2008) 11.50 Bringing Out The Dead (1999) 1.50am Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993)

11.00am Highly Dangerous (1950) 12.45pm Fanny By Gaslight (1944) 2.55 13 Rue Madeleine (1946) 4.45 Blithe Spirit (1945) Noel Coward penned delight.

6.35 The Parent Trap (1998) 9.00 Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) 10.50 Bread And Roses (2000) 12.45am Melinda And Melinda (2004)

8.05am A Majority Of One (1961) 10.55 Travels With My Aunt (1972) 1.00pm The Defector (1966) 3.00 Any Wednesday (1966) 5.10 Bombers B-52 (1957) 7.10 The Karate Killers (1967) 9.00 Losing Isaiah (1995) 11.00 Steelyard Blues (1973) 12.50am Star 80 (1983) 2.30 A Majority Of One (1961)

5.00pm As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 My Family 7.40 The Green Green Grass 8.20 After You’ve Gone 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 10.20 Murder Most Horrid 11.00 Steptoe And Son 11.40 The Royle Family 12.20am Harry Enfield And Chums

5.00pm Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 The Office: An American Workplace 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.45 South Park (x2) 12.45am Celebrity Death Match 1.15 Jackass

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thursday 11 Krod Mandoon And The Flaming Sword Of Fire BBC2, 9pm And the prize for most fantastic name goes to... oh yes! Krod Mandoon sees not only the return of the splendiferous name but also of Sean Maguire in this fantasy comedy series. Krod and the gang go to rescue his mentor, discover he is ‘The Golden One’ and meet nemesis Dongalor. Fab.

The Mentalist Five, 9pm It’s spooky and it’s kooky, and it’s the FBI investigating black magic.

Yup. Bear with it. Jane and the gang investigate the murder of a teenage boy with initial roads heading straight to the kid’s football coach and the local witch. Every town must have one.

You mean you don’t? How passé.

Anyway, Jane’s not convinced.

The New Avengers BBC4, 11.50pm It comes to something when the secret that needs uncovering is an actual typhoon. Back in 1969 apparently Typhoon Agatha (not tycoon Agatha, who is obviously a wealthy but elderly aunt somewhere) is redesigning the coastline near Toronto. Fast forward to 1977 and Steed et al receive a tip about the weather.

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sport

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Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Raven - The Dragon’s Eye 4.05 Ed And Oucho’s Excellent Inventions 4.35 Horrible Histories 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Mortified 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary History 11.10 Telling Tales 11.15 Telling Tales 11.20 Primary Geography 11.30 Magic Grandad 11.45 Magic Grandad 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Tennis: Queen’s 2009 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Flog It! The team are in King’s Lynn in Norfolk.

7.00 Thames Shipwrecks: A Race Against Time Seven shipwrecks are being salvaged from the river Thames in one of the biggest marine archaeological operations in the country. Frank Pope and Tessa Dunlop unlock the stories behind these remarkable ships. Bottle of rum?

8.00 Springwatch The marathon live wildlife event reaches its climax – what will have happened to the UK’s favourite animal stars? Find out with the final live updates.

9.00 Krod Mandoon And The Flaming Sword Of Fire See highlights.

10.00 That Mitchell And Webb Look Comedy sketch show starring David Mitchell and Robert Webb, with Olivia Colman and James Bachman back again for a new series.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Kirsty Wark.

11.20 Cricket: World Twenty20 Manish Bhasin presents the pick of the action from the opening day of the Super 8 stage.

12.20am Leonard Cohen Live In London 1.20 BBC News 4.00 Democracy In Action

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 The Biggest Loser 5.00 Divided

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.30 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Lifeproof TV 10.30 Vocation, Vocation, Vocation 11.00 Tricky Business Two 11.35 TV Is Dead?

12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Postmodern Pastimes 12.45 The City Gardener 1.20 FILM: Hombre (1967) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 9.30 European Tour Weekly 10.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 12.00pm Total Rugby 12.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 1.00 Live World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 Barclays Premier League World 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am Time Of Our Lives 2.00 Barclays Premier League World 2.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 4.30 Barclays Premier League World 5.00 Race World

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Cain infuriates Carl by offering to repay only a fraction of what he owes him.

7.30 Countrywise Paul Heiney and the team are in Constable country, celebrating the anniversary of the birth of one of Britain’s best-loved landscape painters.

8.00 The Bill Fears grow for missing schoolgirl Lily Walmsley when CCTV shows her getting into a car with a much older man. Her friend Rebecca admits that Lily had been desperately unhappy and had recently been seen with bruises. Curiouser and curiouser.

9.00 May Contain Nuts Part one of a two-part comedy drama. Alice Chaplin and her family move to a gated community in London and find themselves in a world of high expectations, middle-class pretensions and competitive parenting. Hoorah! What-o!

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Total Recall (1990) Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rachel Ticotin. Sci-fi actioner.

Douglas Quaid begins to doubt his identity when he starts experiencing repressed memories about Mars.

12.40am British Superbike Championship 1.30 Motorsport UK 2.20 Crossing Jordan 3.10 Loose Women 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Zoe gets her acceptance letter from Bournemouth, but Adrian tells her that Mike has been to see him and her place at film school is in jeopardy. Eh? 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 The Home Show George helps some more folk interiorally. Ash and Carolyn inherited their home in Bushey from Ash’s parents but Carolyn can’t live with her deceased mother-in-law’s taste a moment longer. Cue for a 70s sitcom.

9.00 Two Foot Tall Teen Doc looking at the life and future of 16year-old Jyoti, an Indian teenager who is only one foot 11 inches tall.

10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house.

11.05 The TNT Show Jack Whitehall and Holly Walsh present a weekly entertainment show.

11.40 Derren Brown: Trick Or Treat Psychological illusionist Derren Brown involves members of the public and celebrity guests in a fiendish version of the Halloween game. Fiendish, we say! Diabolical!

12.10am 4Music Intros: Jonathan Jeremiah 12.15 The King Blues 12.30 4Play: Paloma Faith 12.45 Dubplate 1.15 4 Music: 4Play: Emmy The Great 1.30 No Angels 2.30 Big Brother: Live 4.00 KOTV 4.50 FIA GT Championship 5.15 Countdown

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 FILM: Columbo: Strange Bedfellows (1995) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Irene protests her innocence when she learns Lou was shot. Drowning would be another matter.

6.30 RSPCA: On The Frontline Documentary series following a group of newly qualified RSPCA inspectors as they start work on the front line of animal welfare. Andrea gets to grips with some slippery customers at a rescue centre for exotic pets. Ew! 7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series following the work of the emergency services.

8.00 Paul Merton In India Paul visits a centre for the children of prostitutes in Kolkata; and samples the laidback countryside of Kerala.

9.00 The Mentalist See highlights.

10.00 Law And Order: Special Victims Unit Drama series about an elite force based in New York. A Tibetan woman, who was a victim of torture in her own country, is found murdered with a foot missing.

11.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series. When the police accidentally shoot an innocent collector of expensive toys, Goren and Eames discover that the victim may have fallen prey to a conniving vixen who trawls sci-fi and vampire conventions looking for lonely men. The harlot!

12.00am Quiz Call 1.45 NBA: The Finals 2009

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 EastEnders The Masoods host a match-making dinner with disastrous results, while Ricky struggles to tell Bianca about Whitney’s shocking decision.

8.00 Celebrity MasterChef This show features two heats. In the first, Shobna Gulati, Sian Lloyd and Dennis Taylor cook, and in the second TracyAnn Oberman, Saira Khan and Brian Moore cook. Hands up who’s heard of all of the ‘celebrities’. Hmm. 9.00 Traffic Cops Documentary series following the traffic police as they enforce the law on some of Britain’s busiest and most dangerous roads. They’re harder than Omar from The Wire, man.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Question Time Question Time is in Llandudno. The panel includes Caroline Spelman, shadow Communities Secretary, Lembit Opik for the Liberal Democrats, and Plaid Cymru’s Helen-Mary Jones.

11.35 This Week A political review of the week with Andrew Neil, Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott.

12.20am Holiday Weatherview 12.25 Sign Zone: Panorama 12.55 Countryfile 1.55 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 2.25 The Unsellables 2.50 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 9.00 Rugby Union 10.30 International Football 12.30pm Rugby Union 2.00 Total Rugby 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 International Football 5.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.30 Rugby Union 7.30 International Football 9.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 10.00 Race World 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Rugby League 2.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Equestrianism 7.00 Rugby Union 9.00 Boots ’n’ All 10.00 Equestrianism 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Watersports World 1.00 Trans World Sport 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 European Tour Weekly 3.00 Boots ’n’ All 4.00 Trans World Sport 5.00 NFL – Total Access 6.00 Race World 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE: Live Rugby League 9.30 WWE: Late Night Raw 11.30 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.30am UIM F1 Powerboating 1.00 Golf Night 3.00 Close

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extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Project Catwalk 2.00 UK Border Force 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 The Real A & E 9.00 Bones 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Bones 12.00am Law And Order 1.00 Road Wars

7.00pm Doctor Who 7.45 Doctor Who Confidential 8.00 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways 9.00 When Diets Go Wrong 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 The Real Hustle On Holiday 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Ideal 12.20am When Diets Go Wrong 1.20 The Real Hustle On Holiday 1.50 Bizarre Animal ER

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 BBC Cardiff Singer Of The World 2009 9.00 Crisis At The Castle 10.00 The BBC One Sessions 10.50 BBC Four Sessions 11.50 The New Avengers.

See highlights. 12.40am Crisis At The Castle 1.40 BBC Cardiff Singer Of The World 2009 3.10 The New Avengers

1.00pm Airline USA 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 I’m A Celebrity...

USA ‘09 8.00 America’s Got Talent 9.00 Katie & Peter: Stateside 10.00 America’s Got Talent 11.00 Supernatural 12.00am I’m A Celebrity... USA ’09

1.10pm Heartbeat 2.15 Upstairs Downstairs 3.15 Doctor Zhivago 4.50 Monarch Of The Glen 5.55 Heartbeat 7.00 On The Buses 7.30 Rising Damp 8.00 Ladies Of Letters 8.30 Rising Damp 9.00 Billy Connolly: Journey To The Edge Of The World 10.00 Trial And Retribution 12.10am Numb3rs

4.25pm Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 My Name Is Earl 6.30 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 My Name Is Earl 9.30 The Big Bang Theory 10.00 The Inbetweeners 10.30 Plus One 11.00 The Kevin Bishop Show 11.30 Fonejacker 12.00am Big Brother: Live

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 River Cottage 10.00 Brothers And Sisters 11.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 12.00am River Cottage 1.05 Brothers And Sisters

2.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 Criminal Minds 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Grey’s Anatomy 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00am Criminal Minds

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 Top 20 Ultimate Discovery With Robert Llewellyn 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Does That Work? 8.00 Surviving Sharks 9.00 American Loggers 10.00 Deadliest Catch 11.00 World’s Lost Tribes 12.00am Most Evil

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) The Sun 12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Locusts: Day Of Destruction (2005) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 9.00 My Own Worst Enemy 10.00 Dollhouse 11.00 Knight Rider 12.00am FILM: Mimic: Sentinel (2003)

9.15am Shane (1953) 11.15 Park Row (1952) 12.45pm Road To Utopia (1945) 2.15 Duel In The Sun (1946) 4.30 The High And The Mighty (1954) 7.00 Attack! (1956) 9.00 The Longest Day (1962) 12.00am Shane (1953) 2.00 I’ll Never Forget What’s ‘is Name (1969)

10.40am Ten Canoes (2006) 12.30pm Babel (2006) 2.55 Detroit Rock City (1999) 4.35 December Boys (2007) 6.35 Tumbleweeds (1999) 8.25 The Darjeeling Limited (2007) 10.00 Detroit Rock City (1999) 11.40 Babel (2006) 2.05am The Movie Geek 2.35 Mississippi Burning (1988) 5.00 35mm

11.00am Freedom Radio (1941) 12.50pm Waterloo Road (1944) 2.25 There’s No Business Like Show Business (1954) 4.40 The Mark Of Zorro (1974) 6.10 Anna And The King (1999) 9.00 Nacho Libre (2006) 10.45 Happy Ending 10.50 My Name Is Joe (1997) 12.55am Election (2005)

8.05am The Jazz Singer (1953) 10.10 The Silver Chalice (1955) 1.00pm Downhill Racer (1969) 3.00 Assault On A Queen (1966) 5.10 The Double Man (1967) 7.10 Crazy In Love (1992) 9.00 Pretty In Pink (1986) 10.55 Wild Rovers (1971) 1.25am Pretty In Pink (1986) 3.05 The Jazz Singer (1953)

5.00pm As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Dinnerladies 7.40 The Thin Blue Line 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 10.20 Jam And Jerusalem 11.00 Steptoe And Son 11.40 The Royle Family 12.20am Harry Enfield And Chums 1.00 Jam And Jerusalem

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Scrubs 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 South Park (x2) 12.40am Scrubs 1.10 Jongleurs Unleashed

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Indie

026_LS427_TV_Fri

6/3/09

11:25 AM

Page 1

friday 12 Big Brother Channel 4, 9pm Jump about the living room with a list of everyone you hate and everyone you love in the Big Brother house in your hand and see if your voting paid dividends for your sore button-pushing finger with a weeping evictee.

Yup, it’s the first eviction night, plus a round-up of the last 24 hours. Are they all still talking?

Friday Night With Jonathan Ross BBC1, 10.35pm The big guns of fame and banter are out tonight with extrovert actor Jack Black taking over the sofa. Who will have the loudest suit between him and Wossy?

Providing wit and bicker too are Sue Perkins and Giles Coren fresh from time travelling delicacies. Plus Take That! Ta da!

The Isle Of Wight Festival 2009 ITV2, 7pm & 10pm Can’t make it over? Fear not.

Fearne Cotton and Rufus Hound are on hand to provide you with all of the exclusive backstage chats and off-the-radar acoustic moments you could shake a muddy stick at. With music from the Ting Tings, Iglu and Hartly plus the Noisettes, there’s loads.

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BBC2

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 To Buy Or Not To Buy 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Raven – The Dragon’s Eye 4.05 Animals At Work 4.35 Trapped 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 Hider In The House 8.00 Mortified 8.30 Big And Small 8.40 Bob The Builder: Project Build It 8.50 3rd And Bird 9.05 Poetry Pie 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary History 11.10 Class Clips 11.30 Science Clips Investigates 11.40 Look And Read 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Tennis: Queen’s 2009 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Flog It! The team are in Luton, where experts Anita Manning and Mark Stacey delve through the antiques and collectibles, providing their valuations.

7.00 Are You Being Served?

Sitcom. There is dissent in the ranks when a sales conference is scheduled to be held out of hours.

7.30 Mastermind The subjects are Gerard Manley Hopkins, the life of Paddy Mayne, Northampton Town FC and the life and work of Alfred Russel Wallace. Whoo-hoo!

8.00 Gardener’s World Live The award winning Interactive Plant Swap comes to the National Exhibition Centre in Birmingham.

9.00 My Life In Verse: Cerys Matthews Welsh singer-songwriter Cerys Matthews travels back to her roots to explore the extraordinary legacy of Celtic poetry, and to discover why poets can make us feel so connected to places.

10.00 Britain’s Best Drives Richard Wilson follows routes raved about in motoring guides of 50 years ago.

10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 Cricket: World Twenty20 Highlights and reaction from the two matches at Lords on the second day.

12.35am Medium (x2) 2.00 FILM: Impact (1949)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 The Biggest Loser 5.00 Divided

6.00am The Cubeez 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.30 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Lifeproof TV 10.30 Vocation, Vocation, Vocation 11.00 Tricky Business Two 11.35 TV Is Dead?

12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Postmodern Pastimes 12.50 The City Gardener 1.20 FILM: The Last Command (1955) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Adrian makes Zoe an indecent proposal. How very!

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away Series in which property experts Jonnie Irwin and Jasmine Harman help people trying to decide whether to buy in the UK or abroad. A couple choose whether to spend their retirement in the French Pyrenees or the Pennines. ‘P’ places, then.

9.00 Big Brother See highlights.

10.00 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show. Team captains Sean Lock and Jason Manford are joined by guests Carol Vorderman, Jeremy Clarkson and David Walliams. Clever folks.

10.35 Big Brother The first housemate to be evicted from the Big Brother house returns to the outside world and is interviewed by Davina McCall about their time inside.

11.05 The Simpsons Lisa and Bart end up in the same Grade.

11.40 Russell Brand’s Ponderland The foppish comedian delivers his thoughts on the world around him.

12.10am 4Music Intros: Frankmusik 12.20 Big Brother’s Big Mouth 1.20 4 Music: JD Set Presents: Official Secrets Act 1.35 Big Brother: Live 3.10 What About Brian 3.50 FILM: The City That Never Sleeps (1953) 5.25 Countdown

6.00 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 The Mr. Men Show 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 Hana’s Helpline 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.05 The Family Recipe 3.10 FILM: Family Plan (2005) 5.00 Five News 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Claudia takes a pregnancy test. Where to?

6.30 RSPCA: On The Frontline Documentary series following a group of newly qualified RSPCA inspectors.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Top Trumps: Fire Engines Robert Llewellyn and Ashley Hames test their knowledge of extreme machines. Based on the popular card game of the 1970s and 80s, the series uses the Top Trumps format to examine two high-tech fire engines.

8.00 Air Force Afghanistan Documentary series chronicling life for the British servicemen and women stationed at Kandahar air base in southern Afghanistan.

9.00 NCIS Drama series. A Russian arms dealer is arrested for the murder of a chief petty officer. But the seemingly straightforward case is complicated when the Department of Homeland Security demands that NCIS release the suspect to them.

10.00 Law And Order: Criminal Intent Crime drama series. When an investigation into the murder of a fireman leads to questions concerning the victim’s sexual preference, Logan and Wheeler end up brawling with the fireman’s former colleagues. Pow! 11.00 Numb3rs Drama. Charlie races to rescue Amita from a sinister cult.

12.00am Quiz Call 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Home And Away (x3)

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Trans World Sport 10.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 12.00pm Barclays Premier League World 12.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 1.00 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 5.00 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 LIVE Friday Fight Night 11.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.30am Friday Fight Night 3.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 5.30 Volvo Ocean Race

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 A Question Of Sport Sue Barker hosts the sports quiz.

8.00 EastEnders Roxy rumbles Ronnie’s secret plans. Say that six times fast.

8.30 Celebrity MasterChef In this first quarter-final the winning celebrity chefs from the first four heats battle it out for two semi-final places. Tummy grumbling time.

9.00 Have I Got News For You The popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop.

9.30 Outnumbered Semi-improvised sitcom. A wedding gives the kids the opportunity to dress up, interrogate the bride and dip unsuitable things in the chocolate fountain.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Friday Night With Jonathan Ross See highlights.

11.35 National Lottery EuroMillions Draw Carole Machin presents the Euromillions results.

11.40 FILM: Cursed (2005) Starring Christina Ricci, Jesse Eisenberg.

Fantasy horror.

1.10am Weatherview 1.15 Sign Zone: The Trouble With Working Women 2.15 Playing The Part 3.15 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 3.45 The Unsellables 4.15 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Jimmy goes behind Carl’s back and accepts Cain’s offer.

7.30 Coronation Street Will David confess everything to his family? Tony promises to be Maria’s rock. What, something hard for hitting folk with?

8.00 Cornershop Crunch Time: Tonight Mark Jordan concludes a two-part report examining whether a small convenience store can survive in head-to-head competition with one of the big supermarket chains.

8.30 Coronation Street Sally’s vindictive actions leave Fiz distraught.

Cue massive – hic – sobs.

9.00 Doc Martin Doc encourages Bert Large to give up plumbing and to open a restaurant. As you do. But Bert’s plans look to be scuppered when Martin finds himself treating a host of patients with suspected food poisoning.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: True Crime (1999) Starring Clint Eastwood, Isaiah Washington, Denis Leary. Thriller.

Investigative reporter Steve Everett is assigned the final interview with condemned murderer Frank Beechum.

During his research, he finds several discrepancies in the evidence. Uh oh.

12.50am Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Emergency 1.45 FILM: Cherish (2002) 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 9.00 Ocean Adventures 9.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 10.00 Rugby League 12.00pm The Premiership Years 2.00 Trans World Sport 3.00 Rugby League 5.00 NFL – Total Access 6.00 Ocean Adventures 6.30 Super8 Athletics 7.30 LIVE Super League 10.00 Tight Lines 11.00 NFL – Total Access 12.00am Super League 2.00 Gillette World Sport 2.30 Volvo Ocean Race 3.00 NFL – Total Access 4.00 Super League

Sky Sports 3 6.30am Barclays Premier League World 7.00 WWE Raw 9.00 The Premiership Years 11.00 Aerobics: Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Race World 1.00 UIM F1 Powerboating 1.30 Barclays Premier League World 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 3.00 Race World 4.00 Trans World Sport 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 LIVE Horse Racing 9.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 11.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 12.00am The Premiership Years 2.00 Race World 3.00 Tight Lines 4.00 Ocean Adventures 4.30 IAAF Athletix Weekly 5.00 Ocean Adventures 5.30 Gillette World Sport

Victoria Nangle

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BBC4

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Living

4.30pm Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x2) 8.00 Guinness World Records Smashed!

9.00 Ross Kemp: In Search Of Pirates 10.00 Road Wars 11.00 FILM: I Want Candy (2007) 12.45am Road Wars 1.45 The Villa 2.40 Stargate SG-1 (x2)

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Total Wipeout 9.00 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 9.30 Two Pints: The Love Triangle 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Being Human 11.30 Family Guy (x2) 12.15am Coming Of Age 12.45 Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps 1.15 Two Pints: The Love Triangle 1.45 Ideal

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 BBC Cardiff Singer Of The World 2009 9.00 Crisis At The Castle 10.00 The Book Quiz Poetry Special 11.00 Flight Of The Conchords 11.25 Michael Wood On Beowulf 12.25am Sir Gawain And The Green Knight 1.25 A Poet’s Guide To Britain 1.55 Crisis At The Castle

6.00pm Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 The Isle Of Wight Festival 2009. See highlights. 7.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 8.00 Britain’s Got More Talent: Most Talented 9.00 America’s Got Talent 10.00 The Isle Of Wight Festival 2009 11.05 Katie & Peter: Stateside 12.10am Coronation Street (x2)

12.15pm Rising Damp 12.50 Goodnight Sweetheart 1.25 Heartbeat 2.30 Upstairs Downstairs 3.35 Doctor Zhivago 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Life 10.00 FILM: The Calcium Kid (2004) 11.50 Cadfael 1.25am Doctor Zhivago

2.35pm Friends 3.05 Desperate Housewives 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 Supernanny 10.00 Celebrity Wife Swap 11.05 Big Brother’s Big Mouth 12.10am Big Brother: Live

4.00pm How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 More4 News 8.30 The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 9.00 FILM: Sideways (2004) 11.30 Chopped Off: The Man Who Lost His Penis 12.30am FILM: Sideways (2004)

12.50pm Maury 1.45 The Fix 2.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 Army Wives 9.00 Criminal Minds 10.00 CSI: Miami 11.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (x2) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Criminal Minds 3.00 Men In Trees

G.o.l.d.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

2.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 3.00 Deadliest Catch 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Scrapheap Challenge 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 How Do They Do It? 7.30 How Does That Work?

8.00 Shark Tribe 9.00 Time Team 10.00 Showdown: Air Combat 11.00 World’s Lost Tribes 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA (x2)

1.00pm FILM: Multiplicity (1996) 3.10 FILM: Not My Life (2006) 5.00 Joe 90 (x2) 6.00 Stingray (x2) 7.00 Thunderbirds 8.00 FILM: Sands Of Oblivion (2007) 9.50 FILM: Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995) 11.50 FILM: The Lost Treasure Of The Grand Canyon (2008) 2.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x4) 4.00 Flash Gordon

11.15am In The Heat Of The Night (1967) 1.15pm Holiday Inn (1942) 3.00 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 5.15 Shadow Of A Doubt (1943) 7.15 The Far Country (1955) 9.00 Marnie (1964) 11.15 In The Heat Of The Night (1967) 1.15am The Adventures Of Robin Hood (1938)

9.00am The Diving Bell And The Butterfly (2007) 11.00 Barton Fink (1991) 1.10pm Rescue Dawn (2006) 3.20 Mumford (1999) 5.20 The Movie Geek 5.50 Sicko (2007) 8.00 The Commitments (1991) 10.00 Rescue Dawn (2006) 12.05am Face (1997) 1.55 Body Shots (1999)

11.00am Moulin Rouge (1952) 1.20pm The Men (1950) 3.05 The Spanish Gardener (1956) 4.55 My House In Umbria (2003) 6.55 High Anxiety (1977) 8.45 Looking For Eric Special 9.00 Zoolander (2001) 10.40 Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ (2005) 1.00am You’re Dead...

(1998) 3.00 Close

8.05am Marlowe (1969) 10.00 The Shoes Of The Fisherman (1968) 1.00pm The Bramble Bush (1960) 3.00 Mister Roberts (1955) 5.20 Tall Story (1960) 7.10 The Gang That Couldn’t Shoot Straight (1971) 9.00 Lone Star (1996) 11.35 Being Human (1994) 1.55am Lone Star (1996) 4.10 Offset: Michael Douglas

3.40pm Ever Decreasing Circles 4.20 The Brittas Empire 5.00 As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Dinnerladies 7.40 The Thin Blue Line 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Jonathan Creek 10.50 The Likely Lads 11.20 The Royle Family 12.00am A Bit Of Fry And Laurie

4.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 7.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 South Park (x4) 11.00 The Sarah Silverman Programme 11.30 Richard Pryor Live In Concert 1.05am The Sarah Silverman Programme

Classics

Indie

027_LS427_TV_sat

6/4/09

4:19 PM

Page 1

saturday 13 ER Channel 4, 8pm Following the recent ER finale here’s a chance for terrestrial viewers to catch on about what all the fuss is about. It’s the final season opener and the staff are having difficulties coming to terms with the loss of one of their own, combined with a less than sensitive new boss. Plus there’s a bio terrorist in the house. Whoa!

Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow BBC1, 9.30pm When this was pitched Michael M said that he would bring new comedy to us. The perfect open spot for those comics winning prizes on the circuit, turning up on the radio and just about ready for the telly. So yay! It’s Jason Manford, Sarah Millican and Mick Ferry on the box! Nice one.

The Unseen Spike Milligan More4, 11.40pm A loving but honest look at the comedy genius that was Spike Milligan, examining his history of mental illness, exacerbated by the shellshock he suffered in World War II. With friends and family commenting on his fantastically creative highs and terrifying lows, this includes previously unseen footage.

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Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 Saturday Kitchen 10.30 Trooping The Colour: The Queen’s Birthday Parade 12.20pm BBC News 12.30 A Question Of Sport 1.00 Tennis: Queen’s 2009 5.40 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 8.30am Children’s television 8.30 What’s New Scooby Doo? 8.50 Frankenstein’s Cat 9.00 Sorry, I’ve Got No Head 9.30 Hotel Trubble 10.00 Transmission Impossible With Ed And Oucho 10.10 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 10.40 The Secret Show 10.55 Pinky And Perky 11.30 Young Dracula 12.00pm Sound 12.30 Class Of 2008 – Graduated 12.55 Class Of 2008 – Graduated 1.20 Myths 1.25 Myths 1.35 Myths 1.40 Myths 1.45 Myths 1.55 Myths 2.00 The Sky At Night 2.20 FILM: Jubal (1956) 4.00 Flog It! 5.00 Empire Of Cricket 6.00 Planet Earth David Attenborough narrates the epic journey of a humpback whale and calf as they cross the richest seas that fringe our coasts.

7.00 Dad’s Army Classic wartime sitcom. While Captain Mainwaring is in hospital, Sargeant Wilson allows the vicar to join the platoon.

7.30 Trooping The Colour: Highlights Highlights of the military spectacle from Horse Guards Parade in London on June 13, when the Queen’s Colour of the Irish Guards was trooped.

9.00 Have I Got A Bit More News For You The popular news quiz, with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, a guest host, and guest panellists Shappi Khorsandi and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall.

9.40 Manet: The Man Who Invented Modern Art Using the artist’s life as his narrative arch, Waldemar Januszczak tells the story of the complex man often cited as the father of the Impressionists. As a piece of compelling biography, Manet’s is the tale of the stubborn son who decides to become an artist and embarrass his father, a highly placed judge. Yah, boo, sucks!

11.10 Cricket: World Twenty20 Cricket: World Twenty20. Nuff said.

12.10am FILM: Taking Sides (2001) 1.55 FILM: The Horseman On The Roof (1995)

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 10.30 Quincy, ME 11.30 Quincy, ME 12.30pm Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Celebrity 1.30 ITV News And Weather 1.35 FILM: Beethoven’s 4th (2001) 3.25 FILM: Junior (1994) 5.30 Meridian News And Weather 5.45 ITV News And Weather

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Gillette World Sport 7.30 Avon Tyres British GT Championship 8.00 The Morning Line 9.00 Yo Gabba Gabba 9.25 Friends 9.55 One Tree Hill 10.55 Friends 11.30 Big Brother 12.30pm Big Brother 1.00 Scrubs 1.30 Scrubs 2.00 Channel 4 Racing 4.00 Coach Trip 4.30 Coach Trip 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Coach Trip

6.00 – 8.15am Children’s television 8.15 Animal Families 8.35 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.50 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 9.05 Roary The Racing Car 9.20 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Mobil 1 The Grid 10.30 Mean Machines 11.00 Fifth Gear 12.00pm Air Force Afghanistan 1.00 Fifth Gear Short Cuts 1.10 FILM: Kart Racer (2003) 3.00 FILM: 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994) 4.40 Five News 4.50 FILM: The Shootist (1976)

6.00am World Twenty20 Cricket 8.00 Where Are They Now? 8.30 LIVE International Rugby Union 10.30 LIVE International Rugby Union 12.30pm LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 5.00 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 Rugby Union 11.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am Football: Midlands Masters 4.00 Rugby Union 5.30 Gillette World Sport

6.25 BBC News 6.35 South East Today 6.45 Robin Hood Drama re-telling the classic legend. The gang are shocked when Robin announces that Gisbourne is joining their fight, but can their uneasy truce survive? Robin and Gisbourne then travel to York to save their half-brother. All is forgiven, let’s be pals, etc etc. Eh? 7.30 Totally Saturday Graham Norton hosts more live entertainment with a mix of unexpected surprises, fun games and celebrity guests.

8.30 The National Lottery Draws A fetching sketch in charcoal – the National Lottery is good at drawing.

8.40 Casualty Ruth goes out of her way to impress her potential new boss, Jordan gathers the courage to reveal his secret to Zoe, and Jessica makes a bold move to win her children back. Snake eyes?

9.30 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow See highlights.

10.15 BBC News 10.35 FILM: Reign Of Fire (2002) Starring Christian Bale, Matthew McConaughey. Twelve-year-old Quinn Abercromby witnesses the awakening of a hibernating dragon from a centuries-long slumber. Twenty years later, the dragon’s deadly offspring are wreaking havoc. No discipline.

12.10am Friday Night With Jonathan Ross 1.10 Weatherview 1.15 BBC News

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! More of the nation’s funniest home videos, introduced by Harry Hill.

6.30 Britain Does The Funniest Things Stephen Mulhern travels to Blackpool to present comical stories and hilarious home videos. Hmm. Cheap Saturday night telly? Never!

7.30 Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Ten contestants compete in for a place in the hotseat opposite Chris Tarrant, and the chance to walk away with the top prize of a million pounds. Ha ha ha!

8.30 All Star Mr & Mrs Taking part today, Coronation Street’s Anne Kirkbride and her husband David, racing driver Sir Stirling Moss and his wife, Lady Susie, and presenters Michael Underwood and Angellica Bell, all battling it out in a bid to win £30,000 for their chosen charity.

Divorce papers at the ready.

9.30 Mumbai Calling Sitcom set in a call centre in India.

10.00 ITV News; Weather 10.15 FILM: Top Gun (1986) Starring Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis, Val Kilmer, Anthony Edwards. Action-packed tale of an airforce cadet’s quest to become top gun at San Diego’s US Navy Fighter Weapons School.

12.15am Six Degrees 1.05 FILM: Point Of Origin (2001) 2.30 Nightwatch With Steve Scott: Mystery 3.25 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News

6.00 Coach Trip Series in which 14 contestants battle it out to remain on a coach holiday. The coach pulls into the Italian seaside town of Cesenatico, where two of the group reveal more than they should at the beach. An appreciation of the novels of Jackie Collins?

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Bear Grylls: Born Survivor Bear takes on the varied landscape of Turkey, from icy sheer mountains to barren steppes, a land of poisonous snakes and death stalker scorpions. And we thought it as all about cougar hotspots.

8.00 ER See highlights.

9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the BB house.

10.00 Alan Carr: Tooth Fairy Live Award-winning comedian Alan Carr performs in front of a sell-out audience at the Hammersmith Apollo.

Carr talks frankly about his childhood and adolescence, having been born into a sporting family.

11.10 The World’s Greatest Stand-Up A selection of some of the biggest names in comedy perform live at the Just for Laughs festival in Montreal. The acts include Lee Evans, Dara O’Briain, Dave Chappelle, Denis Leary, Dylan Moran and Tim Allen.

12.15am 4Music Intros 12.20 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Afterworld 4.30 Dispatches: Crash Gordon 5.25 Countdown

6.40 FILM: Guns Of The Magnificent Seven (1969) Starring George Kennedy, Monte Markham, James Whitmore Jr, Reni Santoni, Bernie Casey and Joe Baker. Actionpacked western about a band of seven men recruited to free a Mexican revolutionary leader from a heavily guarded fort so that he can resume a popular revolt. The third film in the Magnificent Seven series.

8.30 NCIS Drama series. A petty officer’s murder is linked to a drugs ring. Drugs squares are not allowed in the Navy.

9.30 CSI: NY New York-based spinoff of the crime drama series. Mac re-opens the case of a man convicted of killing a cyclist when he becomes convinced he was not the driver of the vehicle. Could he be protecting someone? Elsewhere, the first CSI baby makes an appearance. Ahh. 10.30 Law And Order American drama series about cops and lawyers.

A jockey is killed after stumbling across a horse owner’s dark secret.

Maybe he preferred donkeys.

11.30 Crime Scene Academy Documentary series following a class of students at the ten-week masterclass for CSIs at the National Forensic Academy in Knoxville, Tennessee.

12.00am Quiz Call 3.00 NHL Stanley Cup 2009 4.00 The Gadget Show 4.45 Neighbours 5.10 Neighbours (x2)

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Ocean Adventures 6.30 Barclays Premier League World 7.00 Super League 9.00 Cricket AM 10.30 TBA 11.30 Super League 1.30pm LIVE Rugby Union 4.30 International Rugby Union 5.30 LIVE Super League 8.00 LIVE Rugby League 10.30 Where Are They Now? 11.00 International Rugby Union 12.00am Super League 2.30 Rugby League 5.00 NFL: Total Access

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Sports Unlimited 7.00 Friday Fight Night 9.00 WWE Smackdown 11.00 WWE The Bottom Line 12.00pm The Premiership Years 2.00 Friday Fight Night 4.00 Where Are They Now? 4.30 WWE Smackdown 6.30 Rugby Union 8.00 LIVE Masters Football: Midlands Masters 11.00 Extreme Championship Wrestling 12.00am WWE Late Night Smackdown 2.00 WWE Late Night Bottom Line 3.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 5.00 Sports Unlimited

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

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More4

Living

2.00pm Don’t Forget The Lyrics 3.00 Gladiators G Zone 3.10 FILM: Hoodlum And Son (2003) 5.00 American Gladiators 6.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 UK Border Force 10.00 Ross Kemp: In Search Of Pirates 11.00 Bones 12.00am Miami SWAT

7.00pm Make My Body Younger 8.00 The Real Hustle On Holiday 8.30 Top Gear 9.30 FILM: Sweet Home Alabama (2002) 11.15 Live At The Apollo 12.00am Family Guy 12.25 American Dad! 12.45 The Real Hustle On Holiday 1.15 Make My Body Younger 2.15 When Diets Go Wrong

7.00pm Wild Scotland 7.15 10 Days To War (x2) 9.00 The Fallen: Legacy Of Iraq – Update 9.40 The Fallen 12.50am The Fallen: Legacy Of Iraq – Update 1.30 This World: Baghdad – A Doctor’s Story 2.10 Frontline Iraq (x3) 3.40 The Fallen: Legacy Of Iraq – Update 5.30 Close

11.00am Coronation Street Omnibus 1.25pm I’m A Celebrity... USA ‘09 3.25 Isle Of Wight Festival 2009 4.30 America’s Got Talent (x2) 6.30 Isle Of Wight Festival 2009 7.30 FILM: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) 10.05 Isle Of Wight Festival 2009: Live 11.35 America’s Got Talent (x3) 2.10am The Ricki Lake Show

9.30am Upstairs, Downstairs (x2) 11.40 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: May And June (x2) 2.00pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 3.05 Hornblower 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.55 Inspector Morse 8.00 Wycliffe 9.00 Taggart 10.40 Cracker 11.45 The Ruth Rendell Mysteries: Going Wrong 12.55am Quincy, ME

8.05am Big Brother (x2) 9.35 Shipwrecked 2008: Battle Of The Islands 10.40 Dark Angel (x2) 12.50pm Roswell (x2) 2.30 Hollyoaks Omnibus 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 My Name Is Earl 7.30 The Big Bang Theory 7.55 Friends (x2) 9.00 50 Greatest Comedy Films 12.05am Big Brother: Live

10.05am Time Team (x4) 2.15pm FILM: The China Syndrome (1979) 4.35 Grand Designs (x5) 10.00 The Secrets Of Stonehenge: A Time Team Special 11.40 The Unseen Spike Milligan. See highlights. 12.45am The West Wing 1.45 The Secrets Of Stonehenge: A Time Team Special

11.00am Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Bewitched (x2) 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 3.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 4.00 Nothing To Declare (x8) 8.00 Passport Patrol (x2) 9.00 Ghost Whisperer 10.00 Eleventh Hour 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Boston Legal 3.00 Men In Trees

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Forensic Detectives (x2) 5.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 6.00 Great Whites Down Under 7.00 Bear Grylls 8.00 American Loggers 9.00 Undercover: Double Life 10.00 Crimes That Shook The World 11.00 Top 20 Ultimate Discovery With Robert Llewellyn 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am Haunted Homes 12.00pm FILM: Bone Eater (2007) 2.00 Joe 90 (x2) 3.00 Stingray (x2) 4.00 Thunderbirds 5.00 Knight Rider 6.00 Haunted Homes (x2) 8.00 My Own Worst Enemy 9.00 FILM: Minority Report (2002) 11.50 FILM: Candy Stripers (2006) 1.40am FILM: Sands Of Oblivion (2007) 3.30 Joe 90

1.10pm The Top 10 Show 1.30 The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie (1969) 3.30 Flaming Star (1960) 5.15 Seven Days In May (1964) 7.15 Love Story (1970) 9.00 The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie (1969) 11.00 A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) 1.15am The Black Swan (1942)

9.00am Ride With The Devil (1999) 11.30 Bottle Rocket (1996) 1.05pm Almost Famous (2000) 3.45 Juno (2007) 5.25 There Will Be Blood (2007) 8.05 Jindabyne (2006) 10.10 Almost Famous (2000) 1.00am Juno (2007) 2.50 Ride With The Devil (1999)

11.00am Castle Of Cagliostro (1979) 1.00pm Picture Perfect (1997) 2.55 My House In Umbria (2003) 4.55 That Thing You Do! (1996) 7.05 Memoirs Of An Invisible Man (1992) 9.00 There’s Something About Mary (1998) 11.20 Battle Royale II: Requiem (2003) 2.00am Whisky (2004)

8.45am Bonnie Scotland (1935) 10.25 The Prize (1963) 1.00pm The Cincinnati Kid (1965) 3.00 The Glass Bottom Boat (1966) 5.00 Meet Me In St Louis (1944) 5.10 Bye Bye Braverman (1968) 7.00 Funny Farm (1988) 9.00 City Of Angels (1998) 11.20 The Hand (1981) 1.20am City Of Angels (1998)

4.45pm The Green Green Grass 5.25 Only Fools And Horses 6.30 The Green Green Grass 7.10 Only Fools And Horses 8.20 The Green Green Grass 9.00 Jonathan Creek 10.10 FILM: Scary Movie 3 (2003) 11.40 French And Saunders 12.20am The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin (x2) 1.35 French And Saunders

3.00pm Two And A Half Men (x2) 4.00 Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Lee Evans – The Ultimate Experience 10.45 FILM: Caddyshack (1980) 12.35am Richard Pryor Live In Concert

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4:19 PM

Page 1

sunday 14 Stephen Tompkinson’s African Balloon Adventure ITV1, 8pm What better way to see Rwanda’s Volcanoes National Park and go looking for a mighty mountain gorilla than by hot air balloon?

Coo. Passing over Victoria Falls, visiting Shiwa Ng’andu – an English country house in the heart of Africa complete with rosebeds – and on to Botswana.

Alan Carr: Chatty Man Channel 4, 10pm Sunday night chat shows need to hit the right note – fun but not too much high energy, as we’re winding down by now. A cheerful buzz. Bless Alan Carr – he’s delivering. With sketches, audience participation and interviews with Bruce Forsyth, Heather Graham, Ross Kemp and music from The Pet Shop Boys.

Dollhouse Sci Fi, 8pm This sci-fi series from the pen of Buffy’s Joss Whedon sees Eliza Dushku as Echo, part of the Dollhouse of humans wiped blank and loaded up with a new skill set and personailty. Like a spooky Matrix. And hired by the super rich for whatever whim or job they want. Which happens to be a bank job tonight. Don’t mess.

terrestrial

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BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 The Big Questions 11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm The Politics Show 1.00 Cash In The Attic 1.45 Animal 24:7 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 EastEnders 5.00 The Green Green Grass 5.30 Songs Of Praise

6.00am Tikkabilla 6.30 Teletubbies 7.00 ChuckleVision 7.15 ChuckleVision 7.30 Dinosapien 8.00 The Legend Of Dick And Dom 8.30 M.I. High 9.00 Escape From Scorpion Island 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 Celebrity MasterChef 12.00pm Animal Park 12.30 MotoGP 2009: Round 6 – Catalunya 2.00 Tennis: Queen’s 2009 – Men’s Final 4.30 Ray Mears Goes Walkabout 5.30 BBC Cardiff Singer Of The World 2009 – Final

6.00am GMTV 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.40 ITV News And Weather 11.45 Creature Comforts 12.00pm Wish You Were Here – Now And Then 12.30 Wish You Were Here – Now And Then 1.00 Dream Homes 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 3.00 Columbo: Try And Catch Me 4.30 Agatha Christie’s Poirot

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Superbike World Championship 2009 7.30 Freesports On 4 8.00 Volvo Ocean Race 9.00 Big Brother 10.00 Hollyoaks Omnibus 12.30pm Big Brother’s Little Brother 1.35 Friends 2.10 Friends 2.45 Smallville: Superman The Early Years 3.45 The Simpsons 4.15 The Simpsons 4.45 Deal Or No Deal 5.35 Supernanny US

6.00 – 8.10am Children’s television 8.10 Animal Families 8.25 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.35 Harry And His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs 8.50 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 9.00 Roary The Racing Car 9.15 Rupert Bear 9.30 Gerald McBoing Boing 10.00 Michaela’s Wild Challenge 10.30 Everybody Hates Chris 11.00 Axe Men 12.00pm Megastructures 1.00 Rough Guide To Adventures 1.20 FILM: Brave New Girl (2004) 3.05 FILM: Toys (1992) 5.20 FILM: Agent Cody Banks (2002)

6.00am Rugby Union 7.30 World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 Cricket Writers On TV 11.00 Rugby Union 12.30pm LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 5.00 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 Time Of Our Lives 10.30 Where Are They Now? 11.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 1.00am Time Of Our Lives 2.00 Where Are They Now? 2.30 Overcoming The Majors 3.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 5.00 Overcoming The Majors 5.30 Wild Spirits

6.05 Last Of The Summer Wine In order that Hobbo can find out more about Nelly, his supposed mother, he has Howard eavesdrop on her when she is visiting Pearl.

6.35 BBC News 6.50 South East Today 7.00 Countryfile Matt Baker and Julia Bradbury head for the Lizard Peninsula in Cornwall where they find out what it takes to become an RNLI lifeguard.

8.00 Hope Springs Drama. With their three million pounds destroyed by the fire, the women are broke and resort to stealing Sadie’s money.

9.00 Casualty 1909 Matron Eva Luckes returns in the powerful series from the London hospital, dramatised from original records. Revolution grips the East End as an explosion brings fears of a bomb, and Ethel Bennett and Dr Millais Culpin struggle to control the angry victims.

10.00 BBC News 10.20 FILM: Veronica Guerin (2003) Starring Cate Blanchett, Gerard McSorley, Ciaran Hinds. Drama based on the true events of an Irish journalist’s tenacious pursuit of Dublin’s drug and crime lords, culminating in her assassination by those very people in 1996.

11.55 Weatherview 12.00am Sign Zone: Everest ER 12.30 English Heritage 1.30 Holby City 2.30 BBC News

8.00 South Pacific Documentary series looking at the South Pacific islands. The South Pacific is still relatively healthy and teeming with fish, but it is a fragile paradise. So what is being done to preserve this ocean and its wildlife? If you have to ask it’s obviously not enough. Pay attention at the back!

9.00 The Incredible Human Journey How did Stone Age people reach North and South America? Dr Alice Roberts discovers evidence for an ancient corridor through the Canadian ice sheet that may have allowed those first people through.

But some very ancient finds in southern Chile seem to suggest a very different way in to the Americas; an ancient human skull discovered in Brazil even points to an Australasian origin of the Americans. Could a route from Australia across the Pacific have been possible?

10.00 Empire Of Cricket Empire of Cricket. That ball’s blimin’ hard if it takes you by surprise!

11.00 Cricket: World Twenty20 Cricket: World Twenty20. Thwack!

12.00am FILM: Song Of Songs (2006) Set in the Orthodox Jewish community in North London, this claustrophobic drama tells the story of a brother and sister who struggle to repress their desire for each other.

1.20 BBC News 2.30 The Super League Show

6.30 Meridian News; Weather 6.45 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Heartbeat A flood of forged notes leads the police to believe that a missing gangster is on their patch, but attempts to flush him out put Rachel in peril. Bernie is over the moon when his favourite celebrity moves in just down the road – but is she too good to be true? Gin bottles and hair dye in the trash? I say!

Scarlett hussy!

8.00 Stephen Tompkinson’s African Balloon Adventure See highlights.

9.00 Kingdom Crop circles in a local field grab the attention of the Market Shipborough sci-fi community. Lyle falls for his nemesis in a compulsory purchase case. Aren’t you supposed to attack a nemesis with a fiery sword of something?

10.00 Ladies Of Letters Gentle comedy drama about two widows who strike up a friendship through their letters.

10.30 ITV News; Weather 10.45 The Unforgettable...

Diana Dors The story of one of Britain’s best-loved actresses.

11.10 Crossing Jordan Crime drama.

12.10am Isle Of Man TT Highlights 1.00 The Cosby Mysteries 1.50 Quincy, ME 2.45 60 Minute Makeover 3.35 Cornershop Crunch Time: Tonight 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.30 Channel 4 News 7.00 Bremner, Bird And Fortune: The Last Show Before The Recovery Satirical comedy from impressionist Rory Bremner and regular collaborators John Bird and John Fortune. From greedy MPs to financial disaster to Sachsgate, the team cast their sardonic eye over our chaotic and blame-led culture.

8.00 Wife Swap Reality programme.

A bohemian wife and born-again Christian who live on a 200-acre farm trades places with a mother-of-five from Telford, who waits on her family hand and foot.

9.00 Big Brother Highlights from the previous 24 hours in the BB house.

10.00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man See highlights.

10.50 8 Out Of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr presents the topical comedy panel show. Team captains Sean Lock and Jason Manford are joined by guests Carol Vorderman, Jeremy Clarkson and David Walliams.

11.25 FILM: Chain Reaction (1996) Starring Keanu Reeves, Morgan Freeman, Rachel Weisz. Fast-paced action thriller about a science student and a lab assistant who go on the run when the revolutionary formula they are working on is stolen and a scientist murdered. Baddies abound.

1.25am Big Brother: Live 4.00 Afterworld 4.25 Scrapheap Challenge 5.25 Countdown

7.05 Five News 7.15 FILM: Jackie Chan’s The Medallion (2003) Starring Jackie Chan, Lee Evans, Julian Sands, Claire Forlani, John Rhys-Davies and Anthony Wong. Fantasy action comedy about a pair of cops who encounter supernatural complications in pursuit of an international crime lord. After the cops are wounded, a mysterious ancient medallion transforms them into super-powered warriors. Happens to the best of us.

9.00 FILM: Welcome To The Jungle (2003) Starring The Rock, Seann William Scott, Rosario Dawson, Christopher Walken. Action adventure story in which a bounty hunter, indebted to a mob boss, agrees to search for the gangster’s errant son by way of repayment. His task takes him to the Amazon jungle where the son is dabbling in archaeology, and the two of them join forces to locate a priceless gold idol treasured by the local population.

11.00 FILM: Held Up (1999) Starring Jamie Foxx, Nia Long, Barry Corbin, Eduardo Yanez, John Cullum and Jake Busey. Comedy crime caper in which a hapless man, having been dumped by his girlfriend and robbed of his car, finds himself stranded in a store while it is being robbed.

12.40am NBA: The Finals 2009 4.30 Winter X Games 5.00 International Rugby Union

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Grand Prix Speedway 9.00 Golf: US Open Official Film 10.00 Masters Football: Midlands Masters 1.00pm Grand Prix Speedway 4.00 Wild Spirits 4.30 Masters Football: Midlands Masters 7.30 LIVE Rugby Union 10.00 LIVE Rugby Union 12.30am Overcoming The Majors: The Masters 1.00 Golf: US Open Official Film 2.00 Euro Hockey League 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Watersports World 7.00 The Premiership Years 9.00 WWE Afterburn 10.00 WWE Vintage Collection 11.00 Wild Spirits 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm Super League 2.30 Rugby League 5.00 WWE Experience 6.00 Golf: US Open Official Film 7.00 LIVE NASCAR 10.30 WWE Late Night Afterburn 11.30 WWE Vintage Collection 12.30am WWE Experience 1.30 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm Futurama (x2) 1.00 UK Border Force 2.00 The Real A & E 3.00 Bones (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 Don’t Forget The Lyrics 8.00 Guinness World Records Smashed! 9.00 House 10.00 Lie To Me 11.00 Bones 12.00am Night Cops 1.00 Road Wars (x2) 2.45 The Villa

7.00pm LIVE: Match Of The Day Live: New Zealand V Spain 9.30 Horne And Corden 10.00 Family Guy 10.20 American Dad! 10.45 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways 11.45 Ideal 12.15am The Real Hustle On Holiday 12.45 Gary: Young, Psychic And Possessed 1.45 Blood, Sweat And Takeaways

7.00pm Archaeology: Digging The Past 8.00 Fossil Detectives 8.30 Wainwright’s Walks 9.00 Silbury: The Heart Of The Hill 10.00 Uncovering Our Earliest Ancestor: The Link 11.00 Paul Weller: Into Tomorrow 12.30am BBC Four Session: Paul Weller 1.30 Westway To The World 2.30 The Clash Live

12.25pm I’m A Celebrity...

USA ‘09 1.25 FILM: The Mummy Returns (2001) 3.45 Isle Of Wight Festival 2009 (x2) 6.15 FILM: Johnny English (2002) 8.00 Isle Of Wight Festival 2009 9.00 Supernatural 10.00 Isle Of Wight Festival 2009: Live 11.30 Katie & Peter: Stateside 12.35am Ghosthunting With...

7.55am Heartbeat (x2) 10.00 FILM: The Ladykillers (1955) 11.55 Inspector Morse 1.55pm Kavanagh QC 3.35 Wycliffe 4.40 The Railway Children 6.55 The Best Of The Royal Variety 7.55 The Return Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 FILM: The Stepford Wives (1975) 11.25 Wired 12.30am Nora Roberts: Midnight Bayou

9.45am Beauty And The Geek 10.35 Desperate Housewives (x5) 3.00pm Big Brother’s Little Brother 4.05 Ghost Whisperer 5.00 Friends 5.30 Friends 6.00 90210 6.55 Supernanny US 7.55 Friends 8.30 Friends 9.00 FILM: Stuck On You (2003) 11.15 Jade: As Seen On TV 12.20am One Tree Hill 1.15 Big Brother: Live

10.05am Scrapheap Challenge (x4) 2.30pm Location, Location, Location (x5) 5.15 Come Dine With Me (x5) 8.00 Jamie At Home 8.30 Jamie At Home 9.00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 10.00 Missing: Race Against Time 11.10 Father Ted 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.15am Curb Your Enthusiasm

10.00am The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air (x2) 11.00 Will And Grace (x2) 12.00pm Bewitched (x2) 1.00 FILM: Drop Dead Fred (1991) 2.55 The Fix 3.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 4.00 Ghost Whisperer (x5) 9.00 CSI: Miami 10.00 Criminal Minds 11.00 CSI 12.00am Ghost Hunters 1.00 Charmed 2.00 Nothing To Declare (x2)

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

10.00am How Do They Do It? (x2) 11.00 How Stuff’s Made (x2) 12.00pm Mythbusters (x4) 5.00 Great White Shark: Uncaged 6.00 World’s Lost Tribes 7.00 Time Team 8.00 Battlefield 9.00 Unsolved History 10.00 Treasure Quest 11.00 Treasure Quest 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA (x2)

1.40pm FILM: Multiplicity (1996) 4.00 FILM: Merlin And The Book Of Beasts (2009) 6.00 A Town Called Eureka 7.00 Knight Rider 8.00 Dollhouse. See highlights. 9.00 FILM: Under Siege 2 (1995) 11.00 My Own Worst Enemy 12.00am FILM: Lightspeed (2006)

10.40am The Sound Of Music (1965) 1.40pm The Lost Weekend (1945) 3.25 Emperor Of The North (1973) 5.35 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea (1961) 7.35 Hondo (1953) 9.05 The Sound Of Music (1965) 12.00am Emperor Of The North (1973) 2.05 Kiss Of The Vampire (1963)

1.05pm The Good German (2005) 3.05 Babel (2006) 5.30 The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007) 8.15 The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) 10.00 In Bruges (2008) 11.50 The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (2007)

11.00am Porridge (1979) 1.00pm Corrina, Corrina (1994) 3.15 The Mark Of Zorro (1974) 4.45 Because Of Winn-Dixie (2005) 6.50 Secondhand Lions (2003) 9.00 Wedding Crashers (2005) Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson go cruising for loved up ladies.

11.15 The Libertine (2004) 1.25am Apres Vous (2003)

1.00pm The Charge At Feather River (1953) 3.00 The Dark Crystal (1982) 4.50 Marriage On The Rocks (1965) 6.55 Fort Worth (1951) 8.30 Under The Influence: Quentin Tarantino 9.00 Batman (1989) 11.25 Batman Returns (1992) 1.50am Offset: Terry Gilliam 2.35 The Women (1939)

3.25pm The Green Green Grass 4.05 Only Fools And Horses 4.50 The Green Green Grass 5.25 Only Fools And Horses 6.30 The Green Green Grass 7.10 Only Fools’ Top 40 Moments 9.10 FILM: Scary Movie 3 (2003) 10.40 Porridge 11.20 French And Saunders 12.00am The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin (x2) 1.20 Porridge

9.00am Scrubs (x21) 7.30pm Rules Of Engagement 8.00 Scrubs 8.30 The Office: An American Workplace 9.00 FILM: The Man With Two Brains (1983) 10.40 Lee Evans 12.25am The Grumpy Guide To Food And Wine 1.05 Grumpy Old Women 1.45 Comedy Store (x2)

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6/4/09

4:51 PM

Page 1

monday 15 The Supersizers Eat...

The Eighties BBC2, 9pm Alright, so it’s hardly eating quail at Henry VIII’s court but this historical gastronomical affair does well out of the eighties.

Comedian Sue Perkins and food critic Giles Coren have a Tory meal with Norman Tebbit and Jeff Archer, try Princess Di’s wedding breakfast, and lovely champagne.

Build A New Life In The Country Five, 9pm Charlie Luxton meets up with a young couple who want to move to the country. So far so good.

They want to convert a Grade II listed Yorkshire farmhouse and barn into a stylish modern dwelling. Bit tricky. Plus they want to set up a hillside vineyard and winery. Blazes! Lots to do.

Ideal BBC3, 10.30pm Johnny Vegas continues to star as Moz in this slacker sitcom, and the pressure is building up.

Moz and Jenny prepare to leave the country with stolen passports, meanwhile Psycho Paul’s human traficking operation goes Pete Tong when a suspicious crate arrives from Russia. Funny in a guilty way.

terrestrial

sport

BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Crimewatch Roadshow 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 House Swap 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Diagnosis Murder 3.00 BBC News 3.05 Nuzzle And Scratch 3.25 Martha Speaks 3.35 Raven – The Dragon’s Eye 4.05 Beat The Boss 4.35 M.I. High 5.05 Newsround 5.15 The Weakest Link

6.00 – 9.10am Children’s television 9.10 LazyTown Extra 9.25 Mister Maker 9.45 Harry And Toto 9.55 Tellytales 10.05 Jakers: The Adventures Of Piggley Winks 10.30 In The Night Garden 11.00 Primary History 11.10 Non-Fiction Writing: Persuasion, Recount, Report, Biography 11.40 Let’s Write NonFiction 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Coast 1.15 FILM: Hell Drivers (1958) 3.00 Murder, She Wrote 3.45 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Escape To The Country 6.00 Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts the general knowledge quiz.

6.30 Flog It! Experts Mark Stacey and Charlie Ross hunt out the hidden gems of Crawley, while presenter Paul Martin tries his hand at bowling with fifteen-time World Champion Tony Allcock.

7.00 South Pacific Documentary series looking at the South Pacific islands. Repeat of Sunday’s show.

8.00 Springwatch Close Encounters Field craft expert and ace naturalist cameraman Simon King reveals his tricks of the trade in a practical guide on how to get up close and personal with some of UK’s best loved wild animals. Simon shares some of his favourite close encounters with wild creatures, and shows how to get really close to wild otters, as well as how to go fishing for lizards and get a fantastic pedicure from a prawn. Bizarre.

9.00 The Supersizers Eat... The Eighties See highlights.

10.00 Have I Got News For You Popular news quiz.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Jeremy Paxman.

11.20 Cricket: World Twenty20 Cricket: World Twenty20.

12.20am BBC News 4.00 Citizenship And Surveillance 5.00 Secondary Citizenship

6.00am GMTV 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News And Weather 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News And Weather 2.00 60 Minute Makeover 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 The Biggest Loser 5.00 Divided

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 8.00 Big Brother 9.00 Will And Grace 9.30 The Family: Teen Stories 10.00 Lifeproof TV 10.30 Vocation, Vocation, Vocation 11.00 Tricky Business Two 11.30 Britain’s Deadliest Addictions 12.00pm News At Noon 12.30 Postmodern Pastimes 12.40 Life Begins Again 1.40 FILM: The River’s Edge (1957) 3.25 Countdown 4.15 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me 6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Michaela offers Zak a place to live after graduation, but he is reluctant to move in with the McQueens. Doesn’t work well for many men.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 3 Minute Wonder 8.00 Dispatches: Afghanistan’s Dirty War Tom Roberts looks at how US-Afghan relations have been effected by military airstrikes in light of the recent US assault on the Farah province of Afghanistan, which resulted in 140 civilian casualties and an apology from the US army.

9.00 The World’s Greatest Musical Prodigies A showcase of the world’s most remarkable musical prodigies, who will be hand-picked to perform a concerto led by 16-year-old composer Alexander Prior at The Sage Gateshead. Prior travels to China to find the country’s most prodigious pianists.

10.00 Big Brother Highlights from the last 24 hours in the BB house.

11.10 Wife Swap Reality programme in which wives swap their husbands, children and homes for a short space of time. Repeat of Sunday’s show.

12.10am 4 Music: Island Life 12.40 4Play: Pendulum 12.55 One Eskimo 1.10 Big Brother: Live 4.00 Sarah Moves On 5.30 Animated Bible Stories (x3)

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.20 Peppa Pig 8.25 Thomas & Friends 8.37 Little Lodgers 8.40 Pocoyo 8.50 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 8.55 Chiro 9.00 The Beeps 9.15 The Wright Stuff 10.45 Trisha Goddard 11.45 House Doctor 12.15pm House Doctor 12.45 Five News 12.55 Wordplay 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Home And Away 2.50 Wordplay Plus 3.10 FILM: Bermuda Triangle (1996) 5.00 Five News With Natasha Kaplinsky 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Gardy’s dangerous side becomes more apparent. Does he colour it in with felt tips?

6.30 Zoo Days Documentary series presented by Konnie Huq. Zoo director Anthony Tropeano steps in to save a newborn cheetah cub abandoned by its mother.

7.00 Five News At 7 7.30 Massive Speed Chris Barrie charts the development of attack helicopters from the experimental autogyro of the 1920s, to heavilyarmed military models of the 1970s and 80s. Airwolf time.

8.00 Fifth Gear Motoring magazine show. In this instalment, Tiff heads to the Ferrari race track, Jason helps Olympic hero Matthew Pinsent find his perfect car and Jonny enjoys the brand new Audi.

9.00 Build A New Life In The Country See highlights.

10.00 FILM: Philadelphia (1993) Starring Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington, Jason Robards. Drama featuring an Oscar-winning performance about a gay lawyer’s fight against unlawful dismissal by his homophobic employer.

12.25am America’s Toughest Prisons 1.30 NASCAR: The Sprint Cup 2.30 USPGA Golf 3.15 Seniors Golf 4.00 FIM Motocross 4.40 NBA 360 5.10 Neighbours 5.35 Home And Away

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 World Twenty20 Cricket 11.00 Rugby Union: Churchill Cup 1.00pm LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 5.00 LIVE World Twenty20 Cricket 9.30 Overcoming The Majors 10.00 Living With Lions 11.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 12.00am World Twenty20 Cricket 2.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 3.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.30 Watersports World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Everest ER 8.00 EastEnders As Tanya sets out to seduce her man, trouble from her past returns to the Square.

8.30 Panorama Celebrities and public figures are turning to privacy laws to suppress stories, but it’s not only kiss and tell stories that are under threat, and editors fear serious journalism could be jeopardised.

9.00 New Tricks Drama featuring an eccentric bunch of ex-policemen.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Moving On Drama. When Liz’s husband died, years of looking forward to retirement suddenly became irrelevant. Then she met Damar, a retired Nepalese soldier, and falls in love. Except her family don’t share her joy. And he’s not allowed to work in the country he fought for. Bad show all round.

11.20 FILM: Like Minds (2006) Starring Toni Collette, Eddie Redmayne. Alex, a privileged and intelligent 17-year-old schoolboy, is charged with murdering his roommate. The police bring in a forensic psychologist. Stuff happens.

1.00am Weatherview 1.05 Sign Zone: South Pacific 2.05 Extreme Dreams: The Ultimate Challenge 2.35 The Unsellables 3.05 BBC News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Cain vows revenge after Mark’s treatment of him.

7.30 Coronation Street David realises he has blown it. Y’reckon?!

8.00 Country Road 999: Tonight Morland Sanders investigates whether government proposals to lower the speed limits on rural roads will save lives.

8.30 Coronation Street Kevin accuses Jason of sleeping with Molly. What business is it of his if he did? Quite how Kev and Sal stick at it is a law unto itself.

9.00 Rhys Jones – Caught In The Crossfire: Real Crime Mark Austin talks to Stephen and Melanie Jones in their first interview following the conviction of their son Rhys’s murderer.

10.00 News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Dating The Enemy Animal rights activist Alan and pro-hunting Bella have little in common apart from both being single. And enjoyment of white wine, perhaps?

11.05 FILM: Two Weeks’ Notice (2002) Starring Hugh Grant, Sandra Bullock. Romantic comedy in which an ambitious law graduate decides to leave her job as she feels her skills are not appreciated by her boss.

12.50am British Touring Car 2.05 Loose Women 2.55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ocean Adventures 7.00 WWE The Bottom Line 8.00 Rugby Union: Churchill Cup 10.00 NASCAR 1.30pm Wild Spirits 2.00 Euro Hockey League 3.00 Rugby Union: Churchill Cup 5.00 LIVE Football 7.30 LIVE Football 10.30 Time Of Our Lives 11.30 Extra Time 12.00am Football: UEFA Under-21s Championship 2.00 Time Of Our Lives 3.00 Poker 5.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 10.00am Euro Hockey League 11.00 Aerobics Oz Style 11.30 Racing News 12.00pm The Premiership Years 2.00 Ocean Adventures 2.30 Aerobics Oz Style 3.00 Max Power 4.00 Overcoming The Majors 4.30 Wild Spirits 5.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Overcoming The Majors: The Open Championship 7.30 Extra Time 8.00 Rugby Union: Churchill Cup 10.00 WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 11.00 WWE Late Night Afterburn 12.00am Extreme Championship Wrestling 1.00 LIVE WWE Late Night Raw 4.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

extraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Living

12.00pm The Biggest Loser 1.00 Project Catwalk 2.00 Law And Order 3.00 Bones 4.00 Oops TV 4.30 Malcolm In The Middle (x2) 5.30 Oops TV 6.00 Futurama (x2) 7.00 The Simpsons (x4) 9.00 Ross Kemp: In Search Of Pirates 10.00 Miami SWAT 11.00 FILM: Beverly Hills Cop (1984) 1.05am Road Wars 2.00 The Villa

7.00pm LIVE: Match Of The Day Live: USA V Italy 9.30 Horne And Corden 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Ideal. see highlights.

11.05 Family Guy (x2) 11.50 Katie Price: The Jordan Years 12.50am Ideal 1.20 Horne And Corden 1.50 My Weapon Is A Dog 2.45 Katie Price: The Jordan Years 3.45 The Real Hustle

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Return To... Airport 8.00 The Way We Travelled 9.00 Secret Life Of The Airport 10.00 Goodbye London Aerodrome 10.35 Forty Minutes On 11.35 Secret Life Of The Airport 12.35am Blindsight: Storyville 2.15 Forty Minutes On 3.15 Secret Life Of The Airport

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.45 The Ricki Lake Show (x2) 5.15 Sally Jessy Raphael 6.00 Judge Judy (x2) 7.00 I’m A Celebrity...

USA ‘09 8.00 The Chopping Block 9.00 FILM: Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) 11.45 Coronation Street (x2) 12.40am Chopping Block

12.25pm Goodnight Sweetheart 1.00 Heartbeat 2.00 Upstairs Downstairs 3.05 The Railway Children 5.15 Goodnight Sweetheart 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 On The Buses 7.25 Rising Damp 7.55 The Beiderbecke Connection 9.00 Moll Flanders 10.00 Clocking Off 11.10 The Lakes 12.10am Kavanagh QC

1.00pm Big Brother’s Little Brother 2.05 Big Brother 3.05 Desperate Housewives 4.00 The Hills 4.25 Hollyoaks 5.00 Friends (x2) 6.00 Big Brother’s Little Brother 6.30 Friends 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 My Name Is Earl 8.00 Friends (x2) 9.00 90210 10.00 Shameless 11.00 FILM: Batman (1989) 1.25am Big Brother: Live

3.00pm A Place In The Sun: Home Or Away 4.00 How Clean Is Your House? (x2) 5.05 Relocation, Relocation 6.05 Deal Or No Deal 7.00 Grand Designs 8.00 News 8.30 The Daily Show 9.00 Property Snakes And Ladders 10.00 Relocation, Relocation 11.05 Grand Designs 12.10am Property Snakes And Ladders

11.00am The Steve Wilkos Show 11.55 Maury (x2) 1.45pm The Fix 2.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 3.00 Will And Grace (x2) 4.00 Charmed (x2) 6.00 Nothing To Declare (x2) 7.00 10 Years Younger US (x2) 8.00 CSI 9.00 Britain’s Next Top Model 10.00 In Bed With Yvette And Karl 11.00 CSI (x2) 1.00am Charmed

G.O.L.D.

Comedy Central

Discovery

Sci Fi

Sky Movies

Sky Movies

Film4

TCM

3.00pm Crime Scene USA (x2) 4.00 Time Team 5.00 Deadliest Catch 6.00 American Chopper 7.00 Mythbusters 8.00 How Do They Do It? 8.30 How Does That Work? 9.00 Time Warp (x2) 10.00 Destroyed In Seconds (x2) 11.00 World’s Lost Tribes 12.00am Most Evil 1.00 Crime Scene USA (x2)

11.00am 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 12.00pm The Invisible Man 1.00 Psych 2.00 Eli Stone 3.00 FILM: Firestorm (2006) 5.00 Quantum Leap 6.00 Psych 7.00 Eli Stone 8.00 Impact 10.00 My Own Worst Enemy 11.00 Medium 12.00am FILM: The Order (2001) 2.00 3rd Rock From The Sun (x2) 3.00 Medium

12.00pm The Movie Geek 12.30 The Robe (1953) 2.45 The House On 92nd Street (1945) 4.15 The Movie Geek 4.45 The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956) 7.00 Father Goose (1964) 9.00 The Robe (1953) 11.15 Anne Of The Thousand Days (1969) 1.45am The House On 92nd Street (1945)

9.00am The Singer (2006) 11.00 Tube Tales (1999) 12.30pm Goodbye Bafana (2007) 2.30 The Singer (2006) 4.25 Detroit Rock City (1999) 6.00 Across The Universe (2007) 8.15 Plunkett And Macleane (1999) 10.00 Tell No One (2006) 12.10am Eastern Promises (2007)

11.00am Chain Gang (1950) 12.20pm 13 Rue Madeleine (1946) 2.10 Flight Of The Phoenix (1966) 4.55 Prince Valiant (1954) 6.50 Rat Race (2001) 9.00 Office Space (1999) 10.45 Kiss Of The Dragon (2001) 12.35am Melinda And Melinda (2004) 2.30 Looking For Eric Special 2.45 Close

8.15am Pick A Star (1937) 9.40 Grand Prix (1966) 1.00pm Firecreek (1968) 3.00 The Barkleys Of Broadway (1949) 5.05 You’re A Big Boy Now (1966) 7.00 The Roman Spring Of Mrs Stone (1961) 9.00 City Heat (1984) 10.55 Wise Guys (1986) 12.45am City Heat (1984) 2.30 Inside Daisy Clover (1965)

5.00pm As Time Goes By 5.40 Last Of The Summer Wine (x2) 7.00 Dinnerladies 7.40 The Thin Blue Line 8.20 Only Fools And Horses 9.00 The Royle Family 9.40 Harry Enfield And Chums 10.20 Early Doors 11.00 Steptoe And Son 11.40 The Royle Family 12.20am Harry Enfield And Chums 1.00 Early Doors

4.00pm Scrubs (x2) 5.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (x2) 6.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 7.00 The King Of Queens (x2) 8.00 Scrubs (x2) 9.00 Two And A Half Men (x2) 10.00 Rules Of Engagement 10.30 Sex And The City (x2) 11.40 Two And A Half Men (x2) 12.40am South Park (x2)

Classics

Indie